The Distortion didn’t like Michael as a who.
I mean, it says itself that it doesn’t want to be Michael. But the who and what thing actually brings us farther than that. It shows us his whole arc.
We all know the quote "i am not a who, archivist, i am a what." When i first heard it, i thought: Makes sense, it’s an inhuman creature, not a person, it just can’t have enough identity to be a who. Like it says itself.
But in Michael’s statement, it talks about having your who torn from your what, and replaced with another who. So it actually did have a who before becoming Michael. And it even admits that Michael also was a who, a who that became part of its being.
I think… it could just never accept being Michael. As it said, Michael Shelley was a constant reminder of its failure – the embodiment of it. The Distortion was forced to become the embodiment of its failure. To think with its mind. Of course it could never accept that. Imagine how horrible that must be – despising your own mind. (I think some people can relate to that, actually. I’m sorry if you can. I can.)
So it tried to disassociate itself completely from being Michael. To pretend it was only a what. I mean, we see that it’s comfortable with it/its pronouns as Michael, but not as Helen. As Michael, it embraced its inhumanity – not because it wasn’t comfortable with being a person in general, but with being that specific person it was forced to become. A person whose mind wasn’t made for the Spiral. Its failure incarnate.
But just before the Distortion in its Michael form dies, he ends his statement with "that is who i am". WHO. (thanks @totheidiot for pointing that out to me ^^) Michael finally got to talk about everything he had to endure. For the first time, he said the cruel truths out loud: How much it always hated being Michael Shelley. He told Jon everything, which also forced him to face the truth himself. And i think facing it finally allowed him to accept it. Accepting how shitty something is is the first step towards learning to live with it and maybe even learning not to hate it.
He could finally accept his mind. His who. Every part of himself.
And not even two minutes later, he died.
(Of course, the Distortion itself didn’t die. But its current state of existence died. It finally accepted its who, only to get it painfully torn from its what again.)
Because he got too lost in his who. Talking to Jon allowed him to be more human. But the cruel world he lived in doesn't reward humanity. It exploits the weakness that comes with it.
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sorry guys i couldn't stop thinking about one-sided jonhelen.
taglist (let me know if you wanna be added/removed!) @totheidiot @dropitdoeeyes @youllneverguesswho @thswrtchdthng @wacko-weirdo
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"We're watching time-lapsed ghosts
And you're watching flowers grow (and die)
Can't stop swallowing fires, I'm disgusted with myself
Got one hand on the Bible, I've got voices in my head
Got vindictive desires, I fell off my grid
(Sinking in the mistrust I lost, in the loss I trust)
(In the times I collapse, it drips like dust)
(And there's dreams where I'm sleeping)
(And there's dreams I don't wake up.)"
[ x ]
the idea that everything Stein does is a matter of social observation; he has analyzed, "ripped apart," and mastered social nuances to a perfected game, a perfect art. He knows why people act the way they do, whether it be to please someone else, whether they supposedly find joy in their actions, whether they're seeking specific wants or a means to an end... What interests him is what people will do to get there, just how far they will succumb to self-alteration (whether they notice it or not) for their goals. It's not a question of "Has he realized how much he has sacrificed, himself?" but if he can accept that he has at all.
reference images:
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You ever play the magnus archives dating Sim? Not the one with pictures, the one that's only words? I enjoy it very much and it has a filter so you can specifically play with no NSFW bits at all! It even let's you become an avatar if you want to!
THIS EXISTS??
CAN I DATE MYSELF
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Unravelling Fast (It's True)
A Door, in three parts.
-or-
A post-season 2 jonmichael fic where Michael offers Jon help at being on the run and, well, slowly, Jon accepts it.
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