#like he is. evidently also here about the aliens. i do not know what this comic says and it’s way too distorted for me to try and translate

[kagoutiss]

suddenly feel the need to post that one official pre-botw early concept comic from when nintendo was thinking about theming the next loz game around some sort of alien invasion, in a more ‘modern’ setting, and. anyway the point is that ganondorf is in it and he is wearing a metallica t shirt

[fumifooms]

Laios Touden and autism; admiring the non-human

Do you think people exaggerate when they scream about Laios being autistic? Do you feel like it’s weird that so many people including autistics are so set on Laios, the problematic (but incredible and kind) king TM, being the most autistic that has ever autisticed? Why do we cheer on autistic people wanting to be monsters?? Isn’t that weird?

Well, of course it depends on the way it’s done, it can be done quite offensively, but long story short Kui blew it out of the park. The thing is, autistic people really do like monsters and animals and robots. Nonhuman does not mean subhuman, it just means Other. Feeling a connection with them has been shown to be an extremely common autistic experience for that very reason.

Because some people don’t understand why we autistic Tumblr Laios stans cheer “autism! Autism!” whenever he talks about monsters and feeling alienated to humans so! Here’s a post about how yes even research papers are analyzing the special connection we form with animals. I’m not even joking but Laios Touden & the mass cries of relatability with autistic people he gets and all the love for him could be used as study material and evidence for future papers because the link is that strong. Oh also I think it’s notable that being autistic and undiagnosed vs diagnosed makes a huge difference. In my experience as someone who was undiagnosed up until 18, it’s even more alienating to not know that there’s a reason why you’re different, being gaslit that you’re ‘normal’ and you just need to try harder and get with the program, etc. Personally when getting diagnosed I went through the 5 stages of grief because the thought of having been fundamentally different all your life (a difference which you will never be able to change) and mistreated for it when you weren’t “wrong” all along makes you unload all the anger and sadness and loneliness and sheer trauma you’ve built up over time. Like it’s world shattering.

So! Back to seeing dogs as family. Also I implore you to value experiential evidence when it comes to autism and other neurodivergences because brains are complicated and neurotypicals not being able to understand us well even with scientific research is like, a whole thing even though we’re right there speaking about how we feel and being right every time because the topic is literally us and how we experience the world. 

Disclaimer for this whole post that, of course, no group is a monolith and everyone has different experiences or can diverge from the norm of the group, and that doesn’t diminish the validity of either side! Like, I know autistic people who have trauma with dogs and hate them. But, trends do happen, and in this case... Autism is very “My experiences with humans make me feel dehumanized in a bad and lonely way so instead I’ll dehumanize myself in a good and inspiring way”.

“I was treated like a failed human my entire life and you’re surprised that my response was to become a dog.” -Patricia Taxxon

It’s literally well recorded that autistic people relate to animals more than humans globally. With this post, besides spreading autistic Laios truthism and explaining why the portrayal hits so deep for so many,  I want to show in what way this is a very specific experience and not looking at his character through an autistic lense really misses a lot of why he’s everything that he is. (Tacking allegedly onto here for legal reasons, different interpretations are valid etc etc /gen). This honestly isn’t super long though.

To define an important term, anthropomorphism in the studies and in this post means to attribute human traits to the nonhuman, which not only includes anthro furry designs but also animals irl, inanimate objects, and animated media as opposed to live action, to humanize them and empathize with them.

Paper: https://www.liebertpub.com/doi/10.1089/aut.2019.0027 

“Dogs taught me how to hunt and socialize and work in groups”, Laios having internalized body language... So real so real. I, too, make a great dog impression. And I want to emphase the part that it helps greatly develop a sense of emotions and relationships! For Laios, he didn’t get along with kids his age, it was him, Falin and the dogs against the world. Since it’s a group of dogs too, it taught him group dynamics and social hierarchies (like with Falin being considered as being below the dogs in authority according to the dogs rip), and the importance of group coordination when hunting.

For me, I cannot like, concisely explain just how much animals were important to me developmentally. I also grew up with dogs, but like I vividly remember encounters with like hamsters as well just radically shaping my understanding of boundaries, the importance of giving something space and the way you interact with them and respect their side of it. Unlike humans they don’t really mask how they feel, it’s direct cause-effect reaction and data gathering. There are no words involved, so the focus on having a perfect phrasing and tone is gone, leaving just pure interactions. 

There’s also no reason to mask how you feel either, and you don’t have to feel silly over wanting to form a connection and it showing, what, is the dog gonna laugh at you because you obviously want to make friends with it? Toshiro or Kabru might, but dogs and cats will just tell you to fuck off and leave it there worst case scenario. I often say that I think one reason Marcille is special to Laios and he feels comfortable around her is because she emotes INTENSELY, she gestures, she puts her whole body into it, her facial expressions are pretty exaggerated and her ears even emote too- like with a dog’s ears!

I think there’s def also things to be said about how he gravitated towards Izutsumi at first, all excited, was eager to sleep in the same bed as her, but in the Izutsumi sleep rating chart we see they really just casual and chill so it’s not a Laios talking to Shuro deep into the night situation just a “I like sleeping besides animals” situation and that is enough to hype him up. I love how he pet her in the extra about why Chil let her sleep with him too. He’s just so transparently eager to befriend her, even if in the end they weren’t all that compatible and he accepted that.

There are honestly so many examples I could give for this. Like Grandin the famous cow lady.

More about autism & empathy:

https://www.spectrumnews.org/news/double-empathy-explained/ (Also mentions a study in which groups of autistic, allistic then a mixed group played a game of telephone and both singular groups had similar levels of information retention, but the mixed group was significantly worse. As an autistic person yeah duh, obviously autistic people are different from one another and can have plenty of interpersonal issues, but communicating with other neurodivergent people feels pretty intuitive and straightforward and comfortable. One of the reasons why neurodivergent people tend to naturally gravitate towards each other I suppose.) 

^ Paper: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5932358/  For good, extensive summary of why we relate to animals so much you can go to the “anthromorphizing and asd” section of the paper. This paper extends to our widespread liking of cartoons and robots as well. Ok so this is a whole thing I won’t get into here but this is a big reason why a lot of autistic people are agender leaning as well. Genders and queerness in general is a lot about social constructs, and being queer is being marginal to these, not fitting into boxes or challenging those social norms and conventions. Queerplatonic relationships are a great example of this, where the framework of the relationship is platonic but the intangible nature of what it is exactly is the point, not familial not anything but everything at once too, just adoration, I like to say having pets is a bit like it as well, bc obvi it’s not romantic and often not fully familial, very platonic but also sooo much cuddling and adoration and kissing and whatnot that you wouldn’t typically do with a friend or family member. I’ll talk about qpr and labels another day though.

I got carried away but queerness in Dunmeshi is something I 100% want to make a big post on one day. Experiencing the world with different guidelines and not registering things to have the same boxes, sigh. Personally I also relate to Laios on a gender level, “cis by default because I don’t care all that much but if I were to dig deeper I’m probably otherkin and I want to be socially associated with traits of monsters and animalistic rather than man/woman” sighh hard to be a cryptid in this day and age. I wish we had a term like furry but for monsters, I want to be in the fantasy or folk tale genre ty, like changelings. Goshh changelings... You know, the irl myth where people said their neurodivergent kids were fairies’ children instead of human. Diminished physical sense of self means I see myself as some unknowable black  void aesthetic wise, but like in a way that simultaneously makes me feel seen. Like becoming a monster, losing your sense of self but also somehow just being simplified and seen for what you are, it’s weird to try and explain. This post is more about relating to the nonhuman than about seeing yourself as such, but like connect the dots right, that IS an important point of Laios’ character. It’s because our brains literally work different than allistics which makes us feel as other, but also because of social ostracization and functioning in a different way than society at large, living in the margin of society, being weird and non-conforming.

Meanwhile, animals and social norms... Like ok, showing your neck and rolling on the ground to show that you’re friendly and harmless and play biting might not be proper. But have you considered that it’s also fun and feels very intuitive. Play with a dog in the dog’s way I promise it is so nice and freeing. Play tug of war and growl back when they growl. Hiss at your cat to tell them they do something wrong, engage with them on their level.

Autism made social life hard, but it made animals easy. Do you have anyyy idea how good it feels to mask all day every day and feel constantly misunderstood or like you’re doing a performance but then you can just, drop all of that in the company of animals and they understand you. They understand you. You form an understanding and rapport so easily.

And this whole thing with Laios is so explicit too, with the Winged Lion saying “You’re sick and tired of the human world”. Notice the choice of words. Sick and tired of the human world. Exhausted from the constraints, sick of the mind games. It really isn’t as much about loving monsters as it is about loving the nonhuman. Relating to them because you feel that you can actually understand how they work and think, and feeling like they could understand you back as well. Animals are safe.

Like I could go on about how Laios admiring even just demi-humans like orcs is because they’re socially seen as non-humans more than any true physical thing, that they’re not bound by human society and its rules and live with their own lifestyle. But it would deal myself 1000 points of psychic damage and I am not ready to cry today. It’s idealization 100%, and like, Laios DOES want to be treated as human, to be valued, but it feels like an unreachable thing meanwhile becoming a monster is instant gratification and freedom and a sense that now no one will be able to hurt you in a way that reaches you, never again shall you be defenseless, and then if people dehumanize you then that only strengthens your sense of identity as a monster and UGHH ugh ugh.

And like. This post is a mess at this point but if you want to kinda delve into the more “why” then I recommend this Patricia Taxxon video essay. It starts out on a very different topic, but it’s all about autism and finding comfort in the inhuman. Long story short is othering made us like this also animals are just simpler to intuitively get along with.

So when I post this

I mean it. I really mean it when I say he’s me. I have never felt so seen. So many conflicting emotions all wrapped so concisely yet so intangibly woven into the whole storyline so subtly. 

Not being depicted as a monster of an human being for feeling/having felt that way?? The manga understands you. The world can understand you. Other humans can understand you. You can bond with them. You can. And I think that’s a big part of Dungeon Meshi too- Laios opening up to others about how he really is and his interests, and all the bumps on the way but how it was the only way to truly get to know each other and bond. With the climax being Laios confronting head on his complex with monsters and humans, and his monster-loving side and animalistic side being exactly what saves the whole world, what saves humanity. Because Laios does value his friends, does think humanity has beautiful sides to it, he wants to help it thrive and eat and become more accepting, carving out a kingdom for misfits and demi-humans. At the end of it, transforming into a monster and being free is a daydream fantasy, and the reality of it is that Laios does belong in the world as he is, and does receive and give out love.

If you enjoyed this you’ll probably like some of my other Laios analysis!  Here’s an analysis of his succubus and what it says about his relationships with other humans. And here’s an analysis about his relationship with Shuro from his perspective.

[chellestrash]

After work

Fox Mudler x F!Reader summary: You decide to make the unwinding after work a bit more interesting for Mulder warnings: teasing, mentions of smut, implied smut. Just something short, sweet and fun for the end of the year. word count: 2.2K a/n: this is me trying to get out of my writing/art block. ALSO, first time writing Mulder! Thank you @chelseasdagger for editing this!

You lay on the small couch in Mulder’s apartment, resting on your side, turned to face the room as the gentle light from the TV shines onto your face. Some low budget horror movie plays quietly on the small screen, but to be completely honest, you don’t pay much attention to it, choosing to have it on as a means of killing time. You usually finish your work before Mulder does, even on the off chance he might leave the office at a normal hour. Killing time until you get to see him in the evening wasn't an unusual thing for you now you didn't mind it.

A cheap gag in the movie makes you sigh quietly before you look away, glancing up at the small window above Mulder's desk. You frown, suddenly realizing the late hour. 

You check the time, squinting at the clock on the bookshelf next to the sofa, before glancing at the phone on the desk. 

The thought of calling him passes by your mind, but you brush it off quickly. You weren't too worried about him, not today, the case him and Scully have been currently working on didn't seem particularly dangerous or high risk, at least not from what he's been able to share with you over the phone. 

The subtle sound of house keys on the other side of the door to the apartment makes you smile, perking your head up and turning to face him.

“Well, well, well…look who's here.”

He speaks first, pretending he wasn't expecting to see you there. 

“You mind telling me how you managed to get into my apartment, ma’am?”

Rolling your eyes at the tease, you turn away to face the TV again.

“I broke in using the keys you gave me.”

You explain without taking your eyes off of the movie, snuggling into the pillow harder while he pulls the work jacket off his shoulders and makes his way over to the couch. 

“Well, damn.”

He mumbles quietly, his usual monotone voice makes the corner of your lips pull up slightly.

“I need to be more careful about handing out my spare keys, huh? I mean, what is this? It's like anyone can just walk in, lay on my couch and make themselves at home.”

“Oh, anyone?”

You raise your eyebrow, glancing up at him in an accusatory manner.

“Well…”

His lips push into a small pout.

“You got me, I give up.”

You breathe out a small laugh as he leans down, pressing his lips to the side of your head gently before moving away. He loosens the tie around his neck and tosses it off to the side before he unbuttons the top couple of buttons on his shirt.

“So…”

He starts after a moment once you pull your legs closer to your chest to make room for him on the couch by your feet. He sits down, lifting your legs up slightly just to rest them gently in his lap.

“What are we watching?”

He asks, fingers slowly rubbing up and down your calves.

“Ummm…not sure. Killer clowns, I think?”

“UUUuu, spooky.”

Mulder hums, unimpressed, and you chuckle at the reaction. There's a pause and you both actually pay attention to the movie for a short while.

“Aliens?”

You glance over at him, catching the small smile when you ask the work related question.

“No um… no, it was vampires, actually.”

He explains and you nod.

“Real ones?”

The smile widens as you seem genuinely interested. At least somewhat.

“Well…technically, yeah, you could say that but, you know.”

“No evidence?”

He shrugs.

“No evidence.”

“I mean, it's a possibility, right? You've handled cases like that before.”

You state, and Mulder nods, agreeing with you, his hand slowly rubbing over your thigh. He turns away from the TV, now looking directly at you.

“Do you think I should remind you that that is classified government information, you technically know nothing about, huh?”

“Oh, I'm soooorry.”

You talk back, head now propped up in your hand, face turned away from the movie you found yourself no longer interested in watching.

“Guess I just overheard it when you were talking in your sleep.”

“Hey!’

Mulder reacts immediately, and you can't help the laugh leaving your body when he pulls you up and into his lap with a slightly offended expression.

“.... I talk in my sleep?”

He asks, hands rubbing over your lower back while you throw your leg onto the other side of him, straddling his thighs in effect.

“Oh, not at all.”

You mumble quietly, pushing a couple strands of hair that fell forward onto his forehead away from his face with a soft smile, and he offers a small one in return.

“You know what? If I didn't know you any better, I would've said that didn't sound too convincing.”

He points out in the quiet, monotone voice, and you shrug your shoulders softly.

“I mean, I could’ve just read your mind, and you'd never know.”

“Oh, yeah?”

He asks with a slightly raised eyebrow.

“You're changing your confession now?”

He teases in a typical Mulder manner, and your smile grows bigger as you tilt your head to the side, letting him continue after a moment.

“So what-what you're trying to say is I work a case all week, and then I come back home to relax, and now I have another X-file on my hands? Is that what you're trying to say?”

You smirk, glancing up at him innocently.

“Oh, I'm not trying to say anything except that I missed you.”

He smiles so big, his teeth shine in the light of the TV screen.

“Me? You, missed ME?”

You hum quietly, confirming your confession as you rub your hand up along his chest.

“Well, that's good to know. Why didn't you call to tell me earlier, hmm?”

“Didn't want to interrupt you at work.”

You explain yourself, and he shakes his head gently before whispering your name softly. 

“You are the only person who I want to interrupt my work, okay?”

His thumb brushes over your cheek, and you lean into the touch, staring into those dark brown, puppy dog eyes. 

“Okay.”

“So you missed me?”

He goes back to your earlier point, and you breathe out a small laugh.

“I need to try and remember that next time I'm at the office, huh?”

“I mean.”

You brush your hand over his shoulder and down his arms.

“I wouldn't complain.”

You shift your position in his lap, and he grunts, feeling the weight of your body now directly between his legs, his grip on you tightening slightly. 

“Oh, but I know you have your vampires and aliens and things you need to deal with over there.”

You speak softly, your fingers gently tracing over the shirt. Your head tilts to the side slightly as you try to make sure your words actually reach him. His eyes jump around your face as you talk, stopping at your lips for longer than they would in a usual conversation before he tilts his head down, eyes now fixed on the spot where your body presses against him between his legs. His hand moves up your back, pushing at the hem of your shirt.

“Hey.”

You start again when he doesn't respond.

“Earth to Mulder?”

“Hmm?”

He mumbles, questioning what you've just said, clearly too lost in the situation to pay actual attention to what's being said.

“When did you stop listening?”

“What?”

He blinks a couple of times before frowning, offended that you’d question his ability to listen to you…under the circumstances.

“Oh, I actually heard everything, for your information.”

He states confidently, and you raise your eyebrows, doubting his words.

“Oh, you did?”

He nods, slipping his hand right under your shirt, his palm flat against your bare back now.

“Yep, everything, yeah. Loud and clear.”

Still slightly out of it, he nods again quickly, doing his best to sound as convincing as possible despite the evidence you feel, oh so clearly, pressing against your body from underneath you.

“So, what did I say?”

You push.

“You said you missed me.”

He starts, and you can't really argue with that.

“And then you also mentioned how I am the best looking federal agent you ever dated, I'm pretty sure.”

Not giving you much time to disagree, or call him out, he raises you off of his lap, swiftly helping you lay back down on the couch. You lay under him as he leans closer to you, his hands playing with the hem of your shirt, his eyes stuck on yours. 

“I don't think I said that.”

You frown.

“But you said you missed me.”

He points out again.

“And you called me an X-File.”

You mumble, unimpressed, and he laughs, shaking his head before it hangs low above your chest.

“I mean, you could argue that was a compliment? Maybe?”

You roll your eyes, a smile back on your face as you decide to let him have it this one time.

“Okay, yeah, that's what I'll do.”

You glance down, slowly raising your knee up, nudging at the bulge in his gray slacks. 

Mulder hums quietly, grinding his hips down slightly as a response to your move. His hands linger over your body, one now under your shirt, the other on the side of your neck.

“Yeah?”

He asks, his voice soft, his touch gentle but impatient.

“Yeah.”

“Yeah and-”

He leans down, pressing his lips against your neck, and you tilt your head back slightly in response, a silent invitation for him to continue.

“I think I deserve some extra credit.”

He mumbles, his words breaking up between the kisses. He slowly moves lower and lower down your torso as he pulls the fabric of your shirt up to expose more and more of your skin, until finally pulling the fabric off and over your head. He tosses the shirt off to the side and his lips find their way back to your body, right above the waistband of your jeans.

“Credit for?”

You glance back down, your hands pushing through his hair when he looks back up into your eyes, lost in the moment, in the kisses and in the feel of your body under his.

“Creativity?”

You laugh, head falling back down onto the couch, fingers still in his hair as you feel his lips back on your body.

“Yeah, okay, I'll give you that.”

You purr softly. As gentle as possible, you scratch at the back of his neck, the short hair prickling the tips of your fingers softly. He lets out a satisfied hum, resting his head right below your belly button, facing you with his eyes directly on yours. You push your hips up slightly, feeling his fingers brush over the sides of your body, and he glances down between your legs before turning his head up to look towards your face again.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, you get extra points, Agent Mulder. Now c'mere.”

Instructing him to move closer to you, you push your lips against his when his face is inches away from yours. He moans into the kiss, and in response you do the same as the kiss deepens more and more. Feeling his touch firmer on your body now, you reach down, palming the bulge through the fabric of his pants. There's a loud grunt, he breaks the kiss, his lips parted, eyes closed as his lips curl up into a big smile.

“Well, good job, me.”

He mumbles quietly, tracing his hand down your body, fingers curling under the waistband of your jeans while his big, brown eyes open and find yours once again. 

“I think maybe-maybe I should try to earn more of these points, huh?”

Mulder asks, his thumb rubbing over the skin above your jeans.

“I think you really should.”

You agree quickly, nodding and pushing your hips up slightly at the same time.

“You got any-”

He pauses for a moment, placing a wet kiss on the skin right under your belly button, and you feel the warmth between your legs grow significantly stronger.

“Any idea how I could do that?”

He kisses the same spot again, then moves slightly lower, then lower and lower again before working the zipper open. Slowly pulling the fabric down your thighs, he brushes his lips over the newly exposed skin, and a moan slips past your lips.

He chuckles loudly at the sound, shaking his head when you look back down with a soft smirk.

“Oh, Agent Mulder, I think you know very well how you can do that.”

“Oh, yeah?”

He asks, in a lighter tone this time.

“I mean, I'm pretty much just guessing here, I-”

He quickly glances between your two bodies.

“I have precisely zero idea what I am doing here right now.”

You scoff loudly, pushing his face away and letting your head fall back onto the couch again.

“Too much sarcasm, too little action there, Mulder.”

You squirm impatiently under his body, hungry from the promise of pleasure.

“Copy that.”

He nods quickly, the big smile never leaving his face for even a second before he buries his face between your legs.

[saltylandland]

‘Who hasn’t jerked off while their family was fighting downstairs?’

I.E I loved Lisa Frankenstein and while I don’t want to see cole sprouse in a porno (cuz I really don’t lol) this scene would’ve slapped so this post and this poll is what decided this fic. Sorry if this is unreadable I mostly wrote it sleep deprived

Warnings: y’all heard of David being the hidden romantic, but are you prepared for somewhat romantic! Marko? (More like virgin, obsessed with the reader) Vibrator, somewhat voyeuristic? Also Marko can turn into a bat instead of a revamped corpse for the purposes of our story

Also go watch Lisa Frankenstein y’all it’s so good

As you walk through the door you feel your soul escaping you, floating around dizzyingly. Surely it’s finding its way to hell before your body follows it, not that you particularly believed in hell anyway.

Greeting you in the front foyer is your father and step sister, with varied states of worry. Lovingly contrasted by your numbness. You bring her into a hug, comforting her over her missing mother. With a sharp sting you feel the bat in your pocket bite you through your clothes.

With a hiss you jump out of the embrace “ow you little shit” rubbing near the spot where he’d bitten you mutter quietly. Your sister looks at you through her tears, “what?” You subconsciously hit your pocket as nerves rack through you. “I said you must be going through it, hah ha”

Your sister nods with a rueful smile “yeah, I think we’re going to make a police report, would you like to join us?” Your back straightens as you inch up the stairs away from her “oh, you know, I choose to believe that she will be here first thing in the morning, making a police report makes it feel real, ya know?” With a watery smile she pulls you back in for a hug before you bolt, blissfully unaware of her mother’s two killers in front of her. “Yeah, she’ll be home tomorrow, then we can all laugh together about the missing person report”

“Yeah, truely” and with that you leap up the stairs to your room.

Even with the distance between them you could still hear your father’s and panicked step sister talking. Slowly you close your door before leaving it open a crack as Marko jumps out of your pocket, swiftly changing into his human form as soon as he could. Buzzing about, he digs through your closet for pyjamas and you two get ready for bed. It feels oddly… domestic.

Marko gets to bed first, patting the space beside him as you slowly crawl into your place. You heave a tired sigh as the day sets in on you, as you watch Marko grab the ‘massager’, offering to ‘massage’ you for your troubles.

Looking at his eager face you wouldn’t have been able to even conceive the look of utter bloodthirst he had on as he ‘got rid of the evidence’. But looking at his expression now, you don’t feel anything you probably should feel isn’t present. You didn’t want to go to the psyche ward your ‘intuitive’ step mother wanted to send you too, and looking at the person who made that go away…

He’s still fiddling with the vibrator, waiting till you let him massage you. Reaching for it, you stiltedly lean over. “You know… it’s not a massager actually… actually it’s used for…” gesturing wildly a bit, you gently push the wand down to your upper thigh. You see his back straighten as he hesitates for a second on what to do.

Trailing it up your thigh your body does a full body shiver as you giggle from nerves. There were countless times you’ve used the vibratior yourself, but there’s something about the alien feeling of the wand exploring your body in someone else’s hand. Up and over your stomach gently it goes all the way to your neck and back. Just like how he’s done before with his normal massages. This time, his lips trail over the same areas, ghosting over your skin carefully. Devotedly.

Marko watches your reactions with rapid attention, as the wand starts to dip back down to the lower half of your body. It started agonisingly slow, but as your breath hitches, he picks up the pace with an eager grin. He’s so close to your pussy you hold yourself back from grabbing at his hand to pull him closer, until you suddenly hear from beyond the loud thrumming of your wand. Your step sister crying louder as she talks on the phone and- oh fuck

Marko presses the wand right on your mound, so close to your clit, yet still a bit clumsy. But with the prep beforehand to make you all hot and bothered, it feels heavenly. Shaking you go grab his hand to push it away but he holds steady, your voice pitching uncontrollably higher that you worry your family below can hear you. Marko shows no remorse nor any signs of stopping, not that you’d want him too.

Moving the wand around to find the best reaction you can give and once he finds your clit you give him quite a show. Half leaning on his chest your back arches as you moan. One hand on the pillows below you and the other taken captive by Marko’s other hand. Which he holds up to his mouth to kiss. A sweet gentlemanly action as he rubs the sex toy directly over your clit.

You still listen disconnectedly to your family downstairs as they talk on the phone, but that worry only heightens your high. With a final desperate gasp you cum in your pyjamas. The lights in the house flicker from the voltage your vibrator requires.

Basking in the afterglow of your orgasm, you listen to the sounds downstairs, your family have since finished the police report and dispersed to who knows where.

Fiddling with your clothes while you were distracted, Marko pressed the wand onto your bare skin. Looking at him quickly, you start to melt into his embrace once again.

[bearsintreesofficial]

a recreation of a sonic fanfiction i wrote when i was 10

ok y'all, some context is needed.

we have a song called cassiopeia coming out tonight. i made a tiktok that said if the sound for cassiopeia is used 100 times, i'll publish the sonic fanfiction i wrote when i was 10 that i joke about a lot but have never shared. anyway, this happened in an hour. i am shocked. i did not expect it to happen so quickly, if at all. i begin my search.

well, it turns out i can't publish it because the places it was published no longer exist, and 10 y/o me didn't back it up (although i thought i had). bummer. an early internet relic gone.

either way, the plot details are seared into my memory because honestly? for some reason, that small act of creativity was a core memory in my life. so while i can't share it, i can retell it, because it's silly and pretty accurately captures what it's like to be 10 and obsessed with a piece of popular media. so here goes.

enjoy, and stream our new single cassiopeia tonight.

SCENE OPENS

the fanfiction was about a page long. the story opens with me - in school, as i did most every day of my life up to that point. in the story, sonic/tails/knuckles live in the human world, and essentially function as superheroes. there's no explanation for it, they just are there keeping the earth safe and such. we are also friends. there is no explanation or backstory for that either.

with the setting established, we're straight into the action; an alien pod crash lands in our school playground after school. me and my friend are the only kids left. where are the teachers? who knows. as is evident, worldbuilding was not my strong point.

anyway, in this alien pod is...an alien. it was a spider that looked a lot like the facehuggers from the alien film franchise, because i'd seen a clip of that as a kid and it freaked the hell out of me. i call sonic (where did i get a mobile phone from?) and let him know something Serious is going down. sonic and tails arrive - knuckles is too busy trying to get the master emerald back from doctor robotnik in this instance.

my friend and i take a back seat and let sonic and tails deal with the weird alien thing. they deal with one, but as soon as they get rid of it 10 other capsules drop in the area. sonic and tails can't take them all, so me and my friend join in to help take them out. i didn't really account for how, but we're fighting all back to back and it's very epic. (sonic x was the prevailing sonic show at the time, and it was y'know - very dramatic. so this was like a scene from that.) tails even brings in the tornado two, his personal plane, to run rings around them. after we finish the final facehugger alien off, a final alien pod descends. but out of this pod emerges...

shadow the hedgehog.

the aliens had been sent by him, and he was here to take sonic down. this was all part of his master plan.

the piece then ended, because i suppose i was going to follow it up at some point. but alas, that did not happen.

moral(s) of the story:

archive the silly stuff you wrote when you were a kid, it'll be fun to look back on later.

stream our new song, cassiopeia. it has nothing to do with any of this, but i think it's neat regardless.

thank you.

[eardefenders]

Sherlock & Co - Mailbag Episode 3 Transcript

00:00 John: Heyyy there, I’m,uh, I’m, uh, back in your ears! Heh. Uh, thanks for inviting me in. Um, I-I just wanted to add a chunk on before this Q and A just to give you an update on all things Gloria Scott. Uh, thanks so much for the kind words, first off. Uh I-I-I did warn about its angst. Um, and I appreciate i-it’s not always a fun ride when, when those kinds of things happen. Um. But hey! I’m glad you all enjoyed it. Um, glad the masterful sound design was appreciated.

00:32 John: Uhm, yeah I thought I’d, I’d check in now and give you a rundown of it all. Post match interview sort of stuff. Uh, Lionel did recover from the stroke. He is out of hospital, but he will be going back to Australia. Um. He’s-he's obviously cooperating with the government, um, down there. It’s not an easy situation, but he’s handling it with remarkable grace and dignity. Um. Victor is, as well. Can’t quite get the read on things with him at the moment. He’s obviously very, very torn. Uh, we solved the case for him, but, y’know, yeah. H-he’s in a much worse place then he was before. Um. *pause* Such is life. Uh, such is a very complicated life, I should say. He’s helping his dad, with the inquiries. Uh, m-my gut says there’ll be prison time. *sucks teeth* Um, y’know, c-cooperation and evidence and the, yeah, t-the mitigating circumstances might be helpful to Lionel and all, but, uh… *deep breath* ultimately lives were lost. He was complicit. Y’know this is the world we live in.

01:49 John: *sucks teeth* Victor has paused the job search, but uh I-I do believe he’ll be coming back to the UK once, y’know, whatever happens, happens. But, uh, yeah. Tough stuff. Um, glad you all enjoyed Mariana joining in on the adventure. Um, don’t know if she enjoyed it all that much. So far she’s watched corpses get pulled out of the canal and now she’s watched an elderly stroke victim get extradited for murder. So, uh, y’know. *chuckles lightly* Welcome to the world of true crime, Ametxazurra!

02:23 John:Um, Sherlock asked me to apologize, also, actually. Um, yes, to apologize that he wasn’t technically correct in his solving of the case. Um, uh, Hunter did reveal the actual truth. I, I told him people wouldn’t really mind. He got me to apologize anyway, so, uh, yeah. There you go. Um, so he’s been a right mopey bastard, as you can imagine. *clears throat* So, to cheer him up, I carted him off to…an indoor theme park! Heh, yeah, you heard that right. Theme park. But indoors. Well, theme park’s a bit strong to be honest. I-I-It’s like an arcade with an indoor roller coaster. But yeah! Y’know! Uhm, back to Camden, but for a much more enjoyable experience.

03:05 John: These questions were asked, um, before The Gloria Scott episode aired. T-two that I ask Sherlock right at the end are eerily prescient. Um, that’s the right word, I think? Uh, I hope. Welp, you’ll see what I mean. Enjoy!

03:19-3:49 *Intro Music*

03:47 *Arcade Sounds Fade In, we can hear Sherlock exerting himself*

03:50 John: Yoooo, wassup guys! Welcome to the John Watson channel where we talk all things John Watson all the time! Ehh, that’s my impression of a youtuber or real podcaster, hope you enjoyed it. Ah, right, Sherlock, tell the members where we are.

04:01 Sherlock: Indoor theme park! Augh! *through gritted teeth* You little alien bastard! Get back here!

04:09 John: Sherlock is doing some whack-a-mole, ah, or they’re aliens in this place, not moles. Could be alien moles. Who knows. Ah, it’s an indoor theme park in *in a very exaggerated North London accent (genuinely he sounds like an ass here)* North London. That’s North London, sorry. Bit excited. Had about a kilogram of sugar. Haha, I’m looking at all sorts here. Arcade machines, carousels, basketball hoop game thingy, air hockey, bumper cars -dodge’ems, call’em what you will-, and an indoor roller coaster! Hahahaa! It’s wild stuff. Okay, let’s get to some questions over a casual game of air hockey.

04:40 *Audio Cut, sounds of air hockey being played*

04:41 Sherlock: Have that! *puck hit sound* And that!

04:44 John: ‘Have that and that’? What are you, a musketeer? Hahahaaaa! *sound of a puck entering the goal* First point Watson! Heyheyheeeey, ahhhh. And now for the first question. Uh, Tonkster aka Resetoaster asks, “To John and Sherlock, if you go to Subway -the fast food I should clarify- what do you usually order?”

05:03 Sherlock: *with exertion* You’re *sound of the puck being hit* distracting me! Ah!

05:06 John: Ah, you wouldn’t be saying that if you were winning.

05:07 Sherlock: I’m not winning *puck hit sound* precisely because of it.

05:11 John: Alright, fine. I’ll answer. Uh, I like the turkey club. Is that-Ow! That hit my finger. *hisses in pain*- I think there’s a turkey one. Um, I like that one on plain-ish bread. I don’t think their fancy breads are all that good. Uh, and then I’ll have a southwest sauce- Wham! Haha! *sound of puck entering goal*

05:23 Sherlock: Oh, bugger.

05:26 John: Subway order?

05:26 Sherlock: Never been.

05:27 John: Great.

05:27 *audio cuts. Sounds of automatic rifle fire going off*

05:29 John: Reloading. Cover me!

05:29 Sherlock: Covering.

05:30 John: Incoming at your two o’clock.

05:31 Sherlock: On it!

05:32 *sounds of two loud gunshots*

05:33 John: Yesss, Sherlock. Right, through the lobby. Okay, let’s see how this goes. Bellaxbear01 asks “If you guys want another pet, what animal would it be? Another dog, another cat, or maybe a fish?”

05:47 Sherlock: I like fish. *sound of gunshots* Very much. Reloading.

05:50 John: *pleased* Oh, hahah! I like fish too!

05:52 Sherlock: Really?

05:53 John: Yeah! Tropical?

05:54 Sherlock: Tropical or temperate.

05:56 John: Well that’s good to know. Yeah, worth maybe one day looking into that? Oo! Getting shot at here. Uh, Amelie5 asks “Do you have a favorite case you’ve solved so far?

06:05 *sounds of a big gun being fired*

06:07 Sherlock: A good question at bloody last. Die you bastards! *big boom*

06:12 John: Oh wowhaowhaooow! *sounds of I guess dirt falling, maybe bodies???* *with a smile in his voice* Oh, you made him blow up! Ha! Ahh, I know the feeling. Poor sod.

06:18 Sherlock: I rather enjoyed the Red Headed League.

06:22 John: Yep, that was a good’un. -Oh, duck down! That’s a machine gun.- Did you like the Red Headed League because of the case or because it proved me wrong about it being boring?

06:27 Sherlock: Mmm, both.

06:28 John: Great, well-oh I’m dead. *sound of man yelling, presumably John’s character dying in the game* Balls.

06:31 *audio cut. Ambient arcade sounds with something fizzing at the forefront*

06:34 John: What is that?

06:35 Sherlock: *struggling to speak* opp ing andy.

06:37 John: Opping Andy?

06:38 Sherlock: *still struggling to speak, but clearly annoyed* Op-opping. Andy.

06:41 John: Ohhhh, popping candy. Right. Well, RangerPip asks any specific reason you started smoking a pipe?

06:49 Sherlock: *unintellible gargling and consonant sounds*

06:54 John: Right, well, if you understood that RangerPip, well done you, haheh. *pause* *in a considering tone* Hunnh. He may or may not be choking.

07:03 *audio cut, loud music and bumper car sounds*

07:04 John: Ah!

07:04 Sherlock: Ahahaha!

07:05 John: Hahahah, left! Left! Left!

07:08 Both: Ah! *sound of impact*

07:09 John: Oh my god, my ribs! Argh, right! Let’s get up some more speed and smash into these kids-uh, I mean! These, um, big burly blokes.

07:17 Sherlock: Here we go.

07:20 John: Yesss, Sherlock, we are at some speed now, baby! Hahahah, right! Question from Raylein, “Does Archie get human food? And if he does, who feeds it to him?”

07:30 John: Ah yeah I do feed him, I-

07:30 Sherlock: Yes.

07:33 John: Wait.

07:34 Sherlock: What?

07:35 John: You’re feeding him as well?

07:36 Sherlock: I am, yes!

07:38 John: Well, that explains a lot. Uh, yeah Raylein, I don’t really like animal products going to waste so I just, um, I chuck him all sorts. Ope, here we go. Come here you little shits.

07:44 Sherlock: Ahhhhhhhh!

07:45 John: *sound of impact* Ah hahah!

07:48 *audio cut, it’s much quieter now, but they’re still at the arcade*

07:49 John: *remorsefully* I just didn’t think they’d cry and tell their mums is all.

07:51 Sherlock: That’s what children do. *accusingly* You told me to smash into them.

07:55 John: I did not say that.

07:57 Sherlock: Can I get the SD card out of your microphone and check?

08:00 John: No.

08:01 Sherlock: See.

08:02 John: Andrew says, “Question for Sherlock: Do you have any piercings? And, if you don’t, do you want any? And, if you do, which ones do you want?”

08:10 Sherlock: *sucks in a deep breath* Ear piercing. I haven’t used it for some time.

08:14 John: Why not?

08:15 Sherlock: Was that asked in the Discord?

08:17 John: What?

08:18 Sherlock: That. Just then.  The ‘Why not?’

08:21 John: …No.

08:22 Sherlock: *takes a breath* Well then. I needn’t answer it. This is a time for members.

08:26 John: Right. Great. Lovely. Ok, MushPit says “Your deductive skills, was it talent you were born with or a skill that you developed and perfected over time?”

08:34 Sherlock: I assume MushPit is asking me, not you?

08:37 John: Ah ha ha, very funny.

08:40 Sherlock: My senses have always been, um-

08:43 John: Overcalibrated?

08:44 Sherlock: Yes, quite. Sooo, I’ve always observed a lot. When I found it difficult to tune out of my surroundings, I decided to analyze them. Then it became rather addictive. Yes, it became a skill, but I feel it much stronger then a skill. It feels like a byproduct of my very existence. I cannot unlearn it. IIII cannot wind it down or soften it. It occupies me as much as I do it. I fear that I  cannot stop it. Even if it kills me. Even if it drains everything from me and I can never truly find it to know myself, to know my surroundings without the necessity…uh, no, the-the requisite to my very self. To t-try to understand everything-

09:33 John: The rollercoaster’s ready.

09:34 Sherlock: Oh.

09:35 John: Uh, we- we can finish if you want? Uh, y’know we can go on it later?

09:40 *audio cut, we can hear the roller coaster going and John and Sherlock on it. John keeps saying ‘Woohoo! Wheee!’ and Sherlock is saying joyfully ‘Bloody fantastic! Absolutely bloody fantastic!’ Both of them also keep laughing in between their exclamations*

09:48 *audio cut. We’re outside. London traffic can be heard.*

09:53 John: Oh that was good! Wasn’t it?

09:54 Sherlock: *pleased* Superb.

09:56 John: Not a bad idea, is it? A theme park, indoors? I mean we were a little old for it, but hey, y’know, there’s no age limit on enjoyment! Well, I mean you can’t go jumping into a soft play or anything like that, but yeah. Yeah. Now we are walking near Chalk Farm. Not actually a farm of chalk, of course. It’s just a nice place between Bellsides Park and the Northern end of Camden town. How’s that q and a session for you, mate?

10:16 Sherlock: Is that question on the Discord?

10:17 John: Right, ok. This is not a thing. You can still have normal chats with me inbetween members questions.

10:25 Sherlock: Noted.

10:26 John: Well it’s a question for me now anyway. Um, has your mother finally listened to the podcast? And if yes, what does she think of it? Uh, yes, has she listened? She has! She didn’t like the sound of my bomb. That makes two of us, there. Eheh. Uh, and she sent me further messages about Mariana. And! She will occasionally point out when I’ve been rude to people on the show. *clicks tongue* She also asked me if the Austrian man’s face was okay, so she has at least, definitely finished one adventure. And, no. His face is not. Ok. Mum. Uhh, so- hunh, this is weird.

10:59 Sherlock: What’s that?

11:01 John: Two questions here, next to each other. Uh, I-I’m not making this up. First one, Ramt or-or Ramtonk, “t-the flowers on my orchids are gone, but the plants themselves are thriving. Uhh, they’re watered as they should be and get optimal sunlight. Will the flowers ever come back?”

11:19 Sherlock: *pleasantly surprised* Hhha!

11:20 John: Right? Yeah and the second one from Batonks the Graveyard Ghost says, “Question for John, do you have any funny memories from your childhood that you’d like to share with us?”

11:30 Sherlock: Yes, that is quite remarkable.

11:32 John: Well! I’ll let the adventure of The Gloria Scott answer those questions! So, ah, everybody, thanks so much for these. I hope you enjoyed the answers. Sorry it’s been so short, but I’ve just noticed that that’s our bus!! We’re gonna miss it! Go! Go! Go!

11:46 Sherlock: *frustrated sigh* For goodness sake!

11:47-12:17 *Outro Music Plays*

[cellarspider]

5/?? The pseudohistory of Prometheus

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⛬

We return to a movie I wish to send on a journey down the Kola Superdeep Borehole, Prometheus.

And my insanity truly begins in this segment. We are only 1/10th of the way through the movie so far. Content warnings for discussion of racism in pseudoscience and historical anthropology, Spider getting hung up on logistics and space nerd stuff, and pictures of Yuri Knorozov, the most sour-faced man to ever live.

The cast sits down for a briefing. This is a scene with an easily identifiable narrative function: providing exposition to the theater audience. The act of doing a briefing makes sense. It is the last thing here that will.

We are introduced to a hologram of Peter Weyland, the financier of the expedition. The name means all sorts of Lore to the series, but what’s intensely distracting is that we seem to have caught Weyland halfway through applying his zombie makeup.

Weyland is played by Guy Pierce. As of the filming of this movie, he was somewhere around 45 years old. Yes, they smothered this Australian in old man drag so that he could play this character. This is a baffling decision, that only gets slightly less baffling if you know the production history of the movie, which I did not at the time.

Guy Pierce was hired to play a younger Peter Weyland. There’s a promo video out there of him giving a fictional TED Talk in the not-to-distant future of next Sunday AD 2023, there were various plans for him to appear in the movie proper. None of those scenes are actually in the movie. They refused to double-cast the role for some reason. While the practical effects in the movie are generally excellent and it does make the tiniest smidge of sense that a hypercapitalist asshole would be portrayed as a literal rubber-faced movie monster, this, like many things in Prometheus, made the movie a very weird sit. One where I was increasingly less open to going along with the movie’s fiction. You are telling me that this is an actual human man. I am not buying it. He looks far less human than David, the only non-human there.

Speaking of David, Weyland calls him “the closest thing to a son I will ever have”, and then immediately says David is an inhuman lesser being, who does not appreciate the specialness of his existence because he does not have a soul.

Which is funny, because I think you can see David’s soul leaving his body at this exact moment.

Weyland then tries to mash in some existential weight to the movie: they might finally get an answer for “why are we here?” and all that jazz! He also tries to explain why naming a ship Prometheus is totally not like calling it Titanic II: Don’t think about the part of the myth where Prometheus is chained to a rock and has his ever-regenerating liver eaten by an eagle every day! Think about the bit where he brought fire to mankind! We’re gonna bring back that bit!

And then the archaeologists take over the briefing, and this, THIS, is the bit where they entirely lost me. My suspension of disbelief had already been strained by multiple oddities up to this point. My skepticism about these characters in particular was already a bit elevated by their implied invocation of the ancient astronauts concept.

Turns out, only Vickers, Shaw, and Holloway know why they’re here. 

Two years away from Earth. On a massively expensive expedition that intends to make first contact with an alien culture, the first alien culture that humankind has ever found evidence of. Nobody has been briefed up until this point.

This is lunacy.

Explanations have been figured out by fans since then: this is a passion project by Weyland, an annoyance to the rest of the corporate structure that nobody else believes in. The movie eventually intimates this, through Vickers. 

Fans have thus speculated that Weyland was just quarantined off to do his little alien hunt, with no logistical support that would make it actually functional. He believed a crazy theory put forward by Shaw and Holloway, and everyone else wasn’t actually best-of-the-best, they were just whoever would take a big paycheck to do fuck-all for nearly five years of sleeping their way to and from their destination.

I am willing to consider that this was intentional. The movie possibly tries to confirm this with Mr. “I’m here for the money” Fifield, but none of the other characters have enough characterization to determine if this is the general trend.

How could we make a story that more clearly spells this out? Maybe Millburn the biologist could encounter more of the crew talking about the payout from taking the job, or reveal that he himself has some project he needs money for. It would also chip away at the dearth of character-building dialog for most of the cast.

As a result of those deficiencies in characterization, a lot of my discussion of plot points is going to be focused around what they do, rather than why. …Except when it is about the why, at which point the main commentary will be “WHY.”

In any case: while it makes sense, I'm still not certain the film meant for this character motivation. Prometheus is just so loudly explicit with so many of its plot points that it doesn’t seem like this is the case. The movie certainly believes in the sincerity and correctness of the archaeologists, though.

Unfortunately, it also immediately tells me that they’re a couple of wingnuts. I’m not sure if it intends to, for reasons I’ll get into after I foam at the mouth for a little while.

They present a series of artifacts to the crew: Egyptian, Mayan, Akkadian, Sumerian, Hittite, Hawaiian, and their Scottish cave painting. All of them feature “men worshiping giant beings”, who are pointing to what stargazer nerds call an asterism: a pattern of stars. Shaw and Holloway believe that these are aliens that engineered humans into their current state. Shaw literally says “it’s what I choose to believe” as the entirety of their justification for this.

Again: I knew the movie wanted me to take this as truth, within its universe. That’s the implicit deal the movie has made with the audience, this is truth. You are supposed to be contemplating the "whys" of it all. But the movie had also smacked me in the brain so many times in the past five minutes, that I, like Millburn the Biologist, was ready to call bullshit.

I appreciate him for doing so, and it shows he could have been a smart character, but sadly, he is in Prometheus.

Because he is a fictional biologist and I am an actual biologist, I will expand on his argument, as I descend into ranting for the rest of the post.

Millburn objects on the basis of evolutionary history, which the movie only partially succeeds in papering over: the implication is that evolution on Earth was directed with the deterministic outcome of creating something like humans.

This opens up a whole new can of worms that the movie doesn’t get into–when exactly did this engineering start? When great apes evolved? When mammals did? Tetrapods? Skeletons? DNA itself? After all, we know the aliens, now dubbed Engineers by the archaeologists, have DNA. Did they seed all life on Earth? How did they evolve? Our last universal common ancestor is believed to have already been using DNA 3-4 billion years ago, evolving out of a likely RNA-based genetic standard. Hominins diverged from other apes around 15-25 million years ago. What sort of culture would undertake a project that required at least 15 million years on the extreme low end?

All excellent questions! The movie is not concerned with them. I am, and that is part of why this movie still lives in a special, awful place in my head.

This isn’t actually what made me become actively hostile toward the archaeologists, though. What managed that, well! It was their archaeology. Anybody who had an Ancient Egypt Phase in their childhood should be able to articulate multiple reasons why the academic community would’ve laughed these guys out of the building.

Bigness in ancient egyptian art does not indicate literal size. It indicates importance. In fact, the artifacts the movie uses exclusively come from artistic traditions which feature hierarchical or non-literal scale. Do the Engineers turn out to actually be eight feet tall? Yes! Am I still annoyed by this? ABSOLUTELY.

You know what else is a big problem? Many of the cultures they reference here had written language! A LOT of written language! They include Egyptian, Sumerian, Babylonian, and Mayan art in their evidence, all of which not only wrote a LOT of things down, but had a habit of annotating a lot of their art with labels to tell you what was going on! You can actually see some on the props they used in this scene!

Beyond that, they had very prescribed formal styles, where you can follow the action entirely through gestures, held objects, attendant symbols, and clothing! If all these cultures, as implied, had actual, direct contact with aliens, recorded in the art presented here, we would know what they were told.

Skipping ahead of the movie for a minute: the Engineers were apparently not telling humans “we’re here in these stars, come find us”, they were telling humans “settle the fuck down or this is where the hurt’s going to come from”. 

Here's the thing. Ancient peoples weren't stupid. They wouldn't just not talk about this. If giant aliens came down from the sky and gave them a stern talking-to that contradicted their religion, that would be a big deal. And these characters specifically say the Engineers are being "worshiped" in these images! They're apparently taking onboard what's being said!

It is certainly possible for information to be lost. Over long time scales, that's unfortunately the rule, rather than the exception. But again: half the artifacts have writing on them!

I chose to believe that Shaw and Holloway simply did not attempt to read any available translations of attendant texts, and they were thus cursed for their foolishness by the ghosts of Mayan Studies pioneer Yuri Knorozov and EgyptologistJean-François Champollion, and the still-extant spirit of Assyriologist Irving Finkel.

Knorozov knows your sins against Mayan Studies. Knorozov is a vengeful god. Chapollion and Finkel are likewise very cross.

Two last things stood out to me in the theater. One of them was extremely petty but tied into some very serious issues with pseudoscience, and the other one was not.

Pettiness first: the asterism shown in the artifacts is a pattern of six stars. The movie wants you to believe that it is very spooky that the only asterism that precisely matches this pattern are six stars that are too faint to see with the naked eye. This is laughable, both because the asterism is so generic-looking that I can think of several very visible asterisms that are good matches for the pattern, but it also recapitulates a bunch of really fucking annoying shit from pseudoscientific bullshit. 

First: Pseudoscience and pseudohistory likes to make a big deal out of the fact that every culture has stories about the stars. Why? 

The sky is very important to every culture’s mythology, because every culture can see the sky. Like, that’s literally it. People can see the sky. They tell stories about it. There’s not much to do at night except look at the sky, when even keeping a fire lit can be an expensive prospect. It is not even the least bit weird when multiple cultures–all of them in the northern hemisphere in this case!–have stories about the same stars.

Second: Cultures vary in their ability to faithfully reproduce celestial landmarks in art and align their architecture is variable, and not as exact as modern techniques can manage. Pseudoscience will claim that they are exact, when it fits their pre-existing theory, or fudge the difference if they want something to fit their claims.

(This is a photoshopped image, by the way.)

Were the stone age temples of Malta secretly aligned with a particular star that foretold the doom of Atlantis, precisely tracking its location through the sky over thousands of years of Earth’s axial wobbling? No! They were roughly aligned with the sun. Sunlight is important when you don’t have electric lights. Were the Great Pyramids of Giza laid out ten thousand years ago to match the layout of the stars in Orion’s Belt, according to the designs of a legendary lost race of highly advanced non-African people? Were they tapping into the Earth’s magnetic field to generate energy? No! They were aligned with the cardinal directions, and they got them a bit wrong! 

Hell, if we want to play at that game, I found a decent match for the asterism in Stellarium's Egyptian constellation set. Just flip this 90 degrees clockwise and you'll see I'm totally right. Aliens confirmed.

I know the movie is trying to tell me that all the asterisms in the art are precise matches for each other and are thus impossible to explain without intercultural contact (or aliens!!), but it is also showing me that they are not that precise. So, it’s just showing me stars. At least in some of them. Their little charcoal lad from the Isle of Skye may be throwing fruit at his audience.

In fact, there's a further, probably unintentional link to pseudohistorical claims in the artifacts presented: the Maya artifact shown does not actually depict a "giant figure" being worshiped, in fact, it shows one instantly recognizable, known figure in Classical Maya history: It is an altered version of the ornately carved coffin lid of Kʼinich Janaab Pakal I (24 March 603 - 29 August 683), with the top quarter of the carving replaced with a star pattern that looks nothing like the ones on the other artifacts.

The carving shows Pakal in the pose of an infant, entering into death and being reborn. It is packed full of so many symbolic elements that can be easily recognized by those more familiar with the Classical Maya than I am.

Conspiracy theorist Erich von Däniken thought that it showed Pakal rocketing away on a spaceship. Däniken proposed this because he didn't understand the cultural symbolism, but he had seen pictures of astronauts before.

And on that note, 2,400 words into this rant, we get to the actually bad shit. Unfortunately, it ties into the issue I had with the premise to begin with: the real-world context of pseudoscientific claims of ancient alien contact. Specifically, the racism.

We’re going to unspool this more near the end of the movie, because there was further behind the scenes I was not aware of when I first saw Prometheus, and it just compounds this stuff. 

So, when I went on my first tangent on how unpleasant ancient alien theories are, one thing I highlighted is that the further from Western Civilization you get, the more these theories presuppose that fellow humans are incapable of building great works or imagining interesting things. No, they had to be guided, and explicitly shown things that they copied down to the best of their limited capability.

The only european example of alien contact they show is from the Upper Paleolithic, 37,000 years ago. All the examples around the Mediterranean and Mesopotamia range from 5,500-3,700 years ago. The examples from the Classical Maya and Hawaiʻi are from 620 and 680 CE. 

During this period, Tang Dynasty merchants were creating the first paper money as the famous female emperor Wu Zetian was on her way to the throne. The Prophet Muhammad went to al-Aqsa mosque, and we’re only eight years before the birth of Charlemagne’s grandfather. We’re no longer talking ancient, it’s just old.

I want to emphasize that the movie is presenting these not as depictions of myths that have been passed down–though there are more problems with that I’ll get into shortly–these are implied to be contemporary depictions of events witnessed by the artists, who were quite possibly instructed by the Engineers to record a precise pattern of stars. An equivalency is being drawn between stone age Europe, bronze age Africa and the Middle East, and a couple of startlingly recent Mesoamerican and Polynesian cultures. 

But let’s be generous. Maybe these aren’t supposed to be contemporary accounts in these two outlier cases: the movie’s script will certainly indicate later that they have no idea what they’ve implied here. Perhaps these are story traditions that were handed down from the Olmecs and Melanesian precursors of the first to sail to Hawaiʻi. 

Unfortunately, this just recapitulates a different racist trope: that European and more “developed” civilizations invented so much cool and comfortable material culture and philosophy that they forgot the Mystical Religious Truths of the old ways, which were preserved only in Primitive Lands and among Uneducated Peoples, where they never found anything better to do with their time. Oh, if only we had heeded the warnings from those spiritually attuned non-white people!

(Look, I only remember Devil (2010), which has 50% on Rotten Tomatoes, because M Night Shyamalan wrote and produced it, and this was two years after The Happening came out, so I watched it out of morbid curiosity. It's not as unbelievably bad as The Happening, but as shown in the clip above, the spiritually attuned latino security guard Ramirez attributes toast landing jelly side down to Satan. That is an actual thing that happens in the movie. He is proven right.)

But let's be even more generous: someone probably realized that they'd focused near-exclusively on Middle Eastern cultures, and wanted to throw in a couple from elsewhere. Sitting here, having seen the movie in full, this is the most likely option: their inclusion creates a contradiction with a later scene, and was thus probably not checked for consistency. These cultures were thrown in as a bit of background flavor. I list this last, because in the theater, there was no way to know this at the time.

That answer's still not great. Still leaves us in the same position, where Europeans are pretty much given their own agency, while other cultures need to be led.

Oh, and to anyone else who’s made it this far and knows the production history of Prometheus: don’t worry! I know what Ridley Scott told that one interviewer, about a contact between a less-ancient European power and the Engineers. I’m saving that one. I like to save that one, because strategic deployment of that quote made some of my IRL friends scream.

Next time: the Prometheus descends to an alien world, and I descend further into madness. I am going to drag you all down with me.

(Pictured: Yuri Knorozov, and my present mood.)

⛬

(Previous) | (Index) | (Next)

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Citations for alt text ramblings:

https://www.almendron.com/artehistoria/arte/culturas/egyptian-art-in-age-of-the-pyramids/catalogue-fourth-dynasty/

[priincekin]

My All-In Interpretation in regards to Hyuluka and Hyun-woo

Summary : Hyuna, the extrovert, adopted Luka, the introvert, as her friend, and did her best to include him. However, Luka became jealous, and decided that the best thing to do was to kiss Hyuna. Hyun-woo, being a protective younger brother, approaches Luka about it and it ends in a fight; Luka, in the chaos and trying to defend himself with no arm strength, accidentally pushes Hyun-woo onto a rock and killing him before ultimately falling down due to injuries.

The Hyuluka dynamic pre-death isn’t too complex. In the Anakt Garden art book, Hyuna is shown as being popular, while Luka often watches the crowd from afar. She was an extrovert who probably felt bad for the supposed outcast and started to spend time with him out of pity.

While ultimately less than important to the chain of events, I think it’s likely that Luka’s kiss wasn’t necessarily borne of bad intentions. Instead, I think it was caused by a lack of social understanding.

In the MV, there’s a couple small moments with young Luka that point to some form of neurodivergency. These small details are also present in other forms, such as his interview. There’s a good chance he didn’t quite grasp the social cue of “hey, you can’t go and kiss her” and after a moment of jealousy, he figured it was a good time and just did it. I’m not trying to say he did nothing wrong, though, he absolutely did.

What exactly led to the fight is very much up for debate. There’s no way of knowing without dialogue. The most common interpretation I’ve seen is Luka confronting Hyun-woo about how much time Hyun-woo spends with his sister. That hardly makes sense. Instead, I propose that maybe Hyuna told Hyun-woo about the kiss, and he took it upon himself to confront Luka about it. Obviously, it went horribly wrong.

Logistics, in a case like this, are very important. The Hyun-woo killing is the most up for debate here. Running through a couple important factors:

Blood Splatter: In the case that Luka picked up the rock and bludgeoned him to death with it, the blood would be splattered across the whole surface instead of dripping down from where his head laid.

Physical Dynamics: Imagine trying to push someone taller than you in a way so that their head hits a very, very small rock. It would be difficult to not only get the person to stand in the right place, but also make sure they don’t move aside as they fall.

That’s what Luka would’ve had to do in order to kill Hyun-woo on purpose. In addition to that, Luka is likely to have very little arm strength, so pushing Hyun-woo over would’ve had to have been when he let his guard down; all in all, it would’ve been nearly impossible to plan the incident. As it stands, it’s fairly evident that it was just a freak accident.

Self-Defense: Throughout the coarse of Alien Stage, Luka has been shown to be extremely logical and aloof, not one to show emotions openly. Especially not those unbefitting to an Alien Stage victor. While there is a fair chance that he had less control over his emotions at that age, it’s still hard to believe that he would go to Hyun-woo looking for a fight, or that he would ever initiate one in the first place.

If Hyun-woo attacked first, it makes sense why Luka would’ve chosen to push him over; for someone with low upper-body strength, it would be easier to push Hyun-woo over rather than try to throw a solid punch. He’d be able to use his back and torso to put more weight behind it, and ultimately shove him over. If he was being hit, repeatedly, it’s all he really could do.

Assuming that everything above is correct, this smile could take on a new context. If he hasn’t seen Hyun-woo yet, he could very well be assuming that he had just succeeded in getting him off of him, or that he had ran away.

And here is where he sees the body. Yes, he could be looking at his purple fingers. But he could also be looking past that and realizing just what he’s done to Hyun-woo, and to me, that seems more likely.

[miraclegemz]

SONIC POLL RESULTS

Hello people from this poll! This is a breakdown of the poll results with evidence! Please note that this only included events from the games. But before that lemme preface this with I Did Not expect the poll to get *checks notes* 8,639 votes?!!?? I expected like 150 max. So that’s why some response were kinda exaggerated or just straight up wrong because I’m incapable of counting. So here’s the results!

Option 1: Shadow the Hedgehog gets crucified (TRUE from Sonic 06)

Ok so this is what I meant when I said I exaggerated some stuff. No he does not get nailed to a cross. However, he does get put in T-pose jail.

(From here starting at 11:37). Considering the context of being forsaken by humanity after the world ends, and that you can’t really nail a guy to a wooden cross in a fiery wasteland, this is pretty damn close to a crucifixion (cyber crucifixion? It is 200 years in the future). I may have exaggerated but I am prepared to stand by it.

Option 2: Sonic gets thrown into a maximum security prison (TRUE from Sonic Adventure 2)

This was way more known compared to option 1. So during SA2 sonic gets framed for stuff he didn’t do as a coverup and he gets imprisoned on Prison Island

(From here at 6:40)

Option 3: Tails gets turned into a cyborg (TRUE from Sonic Lost World)

I kinda don’t blame people for not knowing this one since this game was kinda boring, Tails gets captured by the villains of this game and they turn him into a robot to fight Sonic. However Tails was able to circumvent their brainwashing and keep his free will.

(From here at 26:21)

Option 4: Knuckles beats the shit out of a ghost (TRUE from Sonic Adventure 2)

This also hails from SA2 as a random one-off boss fight that has nothing to do with the main story. It’s cool as fuck though.

(From here)

Option 5: Sonic gets Isekai’d twice (TRUE from multiple games)

Ok so I fucked up this one. I only counted the Sonic Storybook Games of which there are two (in which sonic is sent to worlds based around the Arabian Nights and Arthurian Legend). However Sonic has been thrown into different dimensions both in Sonic Rush Adventure and Sonic Forces and probably some others I’m forgetting about. That’s honestly my bad BUT I’m technically still right

Option 6: Eggman asks Sonic “How did you get here so quickly?” (TRUE from Sonic Unleashed)

This is probably the best line in the series since Eggman is being completely serious asking this to his arch-nemesis with super speed. Come on dude.

(From here at 20:35)

Option 7: A Frog swallows a Chaos Emerald (TRUE from Sonic Adventure)

Yeah so a cat’s pet frog swallowed a chaos emerald, grew a tail, and got chased around the country by both the cat and Eggman’s robots. Don’t worry the frog and cat were reunited safely in the end.

(From here)

Option 8: Shadow gets possessed by a time god (FALSE)

I found you, faker!

While Shadow has been subject to mind control by an evil alien overlord, been a victim of identity theft by half of a time god (pictured)

and also abducted by a different (or the same?) time god, he has not been possessed and/or controlled by a time god.

And Finally,

Option 9: Amy can turn invisible (TRUE from Sonic 06)

Yes, this is true. It is a one-off ability that is never explained nor brought up again.

(From here at 2:04)

In Conclusion

Go play/watch Sonic 06

[wazzappp]

So you know your green lantern milagro au. What am I saying ofc you do it’s literally your au. I’m imagining like, Movie Milagro and Jaime here, for starters, just cause funzies. Anyways. I think it would be SO FUN if Milagro learns about the Reach and their whole deal while like, training or smth, and halfway through she’s like ‘Holy shit. That’s my BROTHER you’re talking about.’ And she has to deal with the knowledge that at any point her brother might just get possessed by galatic supercolonizers and start enslaving / murdering people. And she gets home and tries to explain it to jaime and he’s not having any of it (he and khaji are best buddies, duh, khaji would never do that but would they? he doesn’t know.) Oh and at some point it would be really fun and angsty if milagro has to actually fight jaime while he’s being possessed because what’s more fun than the crisis of ‘hurt my family to save the world or hurt the world to save my family’

YESYESYES THAT FUN ANGST IS WHAT GOT ME THINKING ABOUT THIS AU IN THE FIRST PLACE!!

I love the idea of her fighting possessed Jaime. Milagro has to try and convince the other green lanterns that NO its actually NOT really Khaji Da its those BITCH ASS MOTHERFUCKIN REACH BASTARDS. Milagro strikes me as the kind of person who would kill if she ever heard an 'I told you so' which, like. same honestly it makes me murderous. So stop being so 'green lanterny' and fight the reach mothership so she can focus on only mildly beating the shit out of her brother while also staying alive.

I think Milagro would have some difficulty listening to the lanterns AT ALL about this honestly. Girlboss is LOYAL loyal. I think she would need some reminding about exactly WHAT Khaji and Jaime are capable of together. Remembering that he was very very close to just straight up killing Carapax (should have turned that man into a blood fountain honestly. Jaime, puncture his jugular and watch that shit become the centerpiece of a fucking royal garden) might get her to go 'yeahhhhh. ok yeah I could kind of see it'. But I think for her to REALLY believe them she would have to see Jaime being particularly ruthless. Like if he was going after someone who came after their family. OHHHHHOHOHOHOHOHO PRIME SCARY BEEBLE HOURS FRFR. Don't get me wrong, Milagro would go after any motherfucker that threatens her family, its the fact that JAIME. Peacemaking, understanding, kind Jaime is ready to beat this guy into the ground, that troubles her (especially if its presented as evidence by the lanterns).

Honestly if you could convince her that her brother is mostly replaced I think you might even get her to work with other lanterns on some kind of capture mission. The council is like 'The scarab on earth must be eliminated' and Milagro finds herself in a position where she can say 'thats BS he's my brother I know him'. Then they can bring up all the violence he's been engaging in and she can propose that they should at least do a capture mission instead of like. an execution. She really is doing everything she can and staying loyal to her brother, but HES NOT GOING TO BE ABLE TO UNDERSTAND THAT. OHHHHHHH HEARTBREAK. OHHHH PAIN AND SUFFERING AND BETRAYALLLLL <3

I also have just. the CLEAREST fucking mental movie of them working together after getting the lanterns to just chill the fuck out a little bit to evacuate a planet. Jaime keeps trying to approach the people on this alien planet so he can direct them to evacuation ships but they just. Keep running away from him. Doesn't matter what he says doesn't matter what he does, they think he's going to kill them. Milagro flies in and the kid Jaime has been trying to convince to come with him runs behind Milagro and BEGS her to fight Jaime and "make the scary reach soldier go away". Idk where these ideas come from but I put them on repeat so often girl help the daydreams are becoming sentient.

[dotster001]

How You met/Enemies to Lovers Rook Edition

Summary: Rook xgn! Reader. Rook knows better than to think you like him, so he'll just try a new tactic. Part of mini series requested by @stygianoir

A/N: I low key feel like I peaked for the Crowley edition in this series, because these last three are really hard to write. I'm not sure if I like this one yet 😂 hopefully my points got across. Also, there is a poem in here, and I'm not good at poetry, so we aren't gonna talk about it.

Other versions- Idia Crowley Malleus Vil Crewel Lilia Leona

Rook knew he could be a lot. 

But he liked to ignore that fact because it got in his way. He had found you beautiful and fascinating before, when you had helped manage the NRC team at the SDC. You were, as Jamil had described you to him when he'd asked, a diamond in the rough. You lacked magic, but made up for it with your strength, grace, and dignity. 

You had effortlessly stood against his Roi du Poison, gazing into the face of danger as though death wasn't awaiting you if things went wrong. And thus, you'd cemented yourself into this poor hunter's heart. 

But he had fallen victim to his own pride. He always thought he was able to learn everything about everyone. He was wrong, and now he was paying the penalty.

He had found out from Chevalier des Roses over conversation during science club that you were an alien. He had lived in the same house as an alien, and had failed to properly observe and research it. His heart had immediately shattered itself in two.

From there on out, he always kept you in his sights. He would be remiss if he missed the opportunity a second time. 

At first it had frightened you, him always being there, observing your every move. Once he had explained himself, at first you seemed like you would try to understand, and had even offered to answer any of his questions over a meal.

But when he continued to "research you" after that meal, you were annoyed. He knew you were annoyed. And your rage was beautiful.

Soon he was doing everything he could to see that annoyed expression on your face. Once you'd grown numb to research practices, he had come up with new tests. Slipping ingredients in your food to see if you had a reaction to them. (Spicy food made you overheat, but that was normal, so the experiment was discontinued) Stealing your notebook to see if there were any language differences. (You wrote in the same language, with mildly different slang, but your doodles were really cute)  Poking you to see if you had the same reflexes. (You did, your sides were slightly ticklish though, which was a fact he decided to file away for later)

To all of his new tests, you reacted with that annoyed expression he found so beautiful, and it made his heart flutter. Until he saw you marveling at a small woodland animal.

He came up to you, and you whispered, "we don't have this where I come from. It's beautiful."

You looked at it in awe and devotion, and dare he say, love? He wondered if this was the look he had when he found a new object for his affections. 

   Rook found this look much more beautiful. He wanted to see it again. This called for a change of tactics.

Now, his "following you for research purposes" had ended. (It hadn't, he just made sure you couldn't see him.) Now, his "experiments" were of a much softer variety. Now he wasn't "collecting evidence from you" anymore. (He was, you just didn't notice) Rook had taken a complete 180.

"For you, Mon Trickster," he gently handed you a flower, observing your expression very carefully. You twisted the flower in your fingers, and…ah, there's that expression. Awe.

"What kind of flower is this?" You asked. "We don't have this one where I'm from."

"Non? It is called Hildeflora, named and bred for the fairest queen. It is of the lilac family, and very poisonous." Startled, you moved to push it back at him.  He laughed boisterously, refusing to take it. " Oh, ma fleur, it will not hurt you. It is only poisonous in the hands of a master alchemist."

You seemed relieved, thanked him for the flower, then proceeded on your way. It was only fair, he thought to himself. If he was to learn all about your world, you should learn of his.

And this was his new tactic. He would softly tell you the wonders of his world, and relish in your pure delight. He assured himself that if he could gauge your reactions, he could learn what was new to you, and therefore not a part of your world. 

He spent months doing this, feeling immense joy every time you would eat up his words. Your curiosity was only matched by his own. Eventually, you seemed to forget all about your earlier annoyance with him, much to his delight, although he found it funny that a prey as helpless as you would so quickly forget their hunter. You began to seek him out. You began to ask him questions. You began to silently watch his actions, giggling as you came to understand his eccentricities. And he was ecstatic!

He knew he loved you. He knew for a long time. He was just waiting for the moment to tell you. And that moment had arrived. He composed you a poem.

From the moment I beheld your glow

One as weak to the wiles of love as I was destined to fall

Undying devotion will be mine to bestow

Regret not your love for I will take it all

When at night I rest without holding you close, I shudder in despair

Only your eyes gazing into mine, could bring me reprieve 

Only your warmth and your hands brushing through my hair

Deny me sustenance, deny me air, but no longer my side leave

Solely you can free me from my curse, ma fleur.

He slipped it in your notebook where he knew you would find it. He then walked to the woods and awaited you. At four you came running to him, filling his heart with light.

"Rook, I…."

"Hush, there is something I would like to show you."

Yes, he had spilled his feelings to you in his poem, but Rook was nothing if not a performer. He placed a finger to his lips, and led you deeper and deeper into the forest. By the time you both had reached the destination, the sun had fallen, and darkness surrounded you.  

He watched you take in your surroundings.you were both standing at the edge of a small pond. I was totally silent except for the occasional bubbles popping in the water. You turned to him, as though to ask where you were, but, almost as though he had planned it,  the water began to shimmer and glow blue, bathing both of you in an ethereal glow. Your gaze now full on the pond you watched as three nymphs rose from the depths, and danced together on the water's surface, moving with grace and elegance that you'd never see in a human.

While your eyes were fixed on the display before you, Rooks eyes were fixed on you. Watching your delight at the new scene. He walked up behind you, and gently placed his hands on the sides of your shoulders, before leaning in and whispering, "I want to share all the wonders this world has to offer with you. I want to see your eyes light up when we share the beauty together. I want to be there to experience your joy."

You numbly nodded, as you both watched the nymphs finish their dance and return below the pond's surface, the only light left being the moon and stars. You turned to Rook, and looked at him with the love and affection he had worked so hard to get from you

He smiled, then gently took your hand, before kneeling and placing a soft kiss to the back of it.

 "J'taime."

He pulled your hand to his chest so you could feel his heartbeat. "Will you accept this poor hunter's confession? This heart beats for the beauty of this world, but beats the most ardently for you."

You looked more in awe at him than you had for any of his experiments on you. He saw your eyes planning adventures with him, planning a life with him. And yet when the words left your mouth…

"Rook, if you'll have me, I'd be honored to have you as my hunter."

His heart fluttered more than it ever had before, and he found himself pulling you down to the ground with him, locking you in his embrace, and caressing you with his kiss. And it was that moment when the hunter realized he had been the prey all along.

[kryptonian-bat-thing]

okay this is it imma bout to rant about fiction once again

tell me why everyone knows and loves or at least has a strong opinion about the Lego Batman Movie, but i might just be the only human being who grew up IN LOVE with the Lego Batman Videogame(s)???

[THIS THING CONTAINS SPOILERS, I TRIED TO KEEP EM OUT BUT WHATS THE FUN IN THAT]

the first one is CLASSIC, no voice actors so child me could (and also couldn't cuz i was stupid) understand what was going on since I didn't speak english at all, and i remember LOVING the designs (they're not as good as i remember 😭) even tho i had no idea who the characters besides batman, robin and catwoman were. also that was when i fell in love with poison ivy cuz she had like ??? love powers (as i said, child me was a dumdum) cuz there was this one level where she controlled batman with a kiss akjdkakfkakdja

i remember i had a crush on justin bieber a little before the second game came out (it was babybabybabyohh) and then BOOM suddenly my childhood crush was a friggin blocky plastic minifigure wearing goth furry clothes:

(also, young me wouldn't know, but this is where i got most of the superbat vibes from-- when i saw this ship years later i was like "oh yeah, i remember in the videogame clark was head over heels for B and bruce was like 'i am the knight' which is batman code for ilyt", plus dick (who's dressed at tim for whatever reason) is like "oh yeah, why don't we call superman?" I'm telling ya he ships it

...i remember the whole game story like it's a fever dream i had-- there's an award show which bruce wins, joker jokers it up and batman & robin chase him, then i remember robin says something about how "dick grayson couldn't attend the party because they didn't take teenagers" (I didn't know who dick was so this was my introduction to him) and then fire in the elevator, SUPERMAN, [SPOILERS] he and bats visit lexcorp but turns out the other gay couple aka lex and joker did some lexing and jokering around and got a weapon that kills... black???? so batman would die-- but like-- he's not black, he's wearing black clothes-- oh shit, are they racist-- /j

now comes the final one:

wow this one is in space! kinda-- brainiac shows up and i remember this was the first time i saw j'onn and-- wait-- this robin is the same but-- in the scene where [SPOILER] batman is being mind controlled he says his name is.. tim drake?? who tf is tim drake, kid me would say. wow, there's more than one robin, kid me would say.

but then again, I didn't have this game cuz my dad was sick of spending our lunch money on videogames, so he got a gameplay online (just the cutscenes), glued them together and told me IT WAS A MOVIE (actually, i just assumed it) and i kept believing that until i saw my friend GAMEPLAYING said movie on his VIDEOGAME, one more evidence to "i was a dumb child.

and there was superbat shit in this one as well!! there's this scene where [SPOILERS] big blue babyboy is being mind controlled and is giant (tbh idek why he's giant and I'm not sure if they address why-- something to do with brainiac's shrinking kink i think) and brainiac is like "kill him" and bruce goes like "clark, ur my bestie, I don't say it often but i realized i gotta say it more cuz earlier tim almost got his ass eaten by a random alien and i felt fear" and clark is like "🥺🥺🥺" and mind control breaks with yay power of friendship (the whole plot is how in the beginning tim saying he was tim got bruce out of mind control which meant bruce cares about tim but bruce thinks it was cuz the batmobile went shock on him, so in the end he admits he was wrong and everyone hugs wow)

and after that i forgot dc was a thing until like four years later when dc superhero girls came out

anyway, thanks tumblr for listening to this lmao i just dumped my whole childhood in here, I'm glad this thing don't have character limit

[saiskulls-110]

Break Point — Finished Episode 5

OKAY BREAK IT DOWN *DJ TURNTABLE EFFECT*

OBVIOUSLY SPOILERS FOR HILDA 3'S FIRST 5 EPISODES BELOW

Episode 1.

THE WAY I WAS JUMPSCARED BY DAVID'S VOICE. HOW OLD ARE THEY NOW??? LIKE IT'S GOTTA BE TEEN YEARS BECAUSE GODDAMN PUBERTY BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF MY GUY. MY GUY. MY GUY WHY IS HE SO TALL?????? DAVHDISD??????

Frida's new clothes are so cute she's my baby she's bmy baby no-one can speak ill of her EVER stay WAWAY HSISSSS HISSSSS

Trans flag doormat in Astrid's house. oh my god. oh my gos.sh. trans grandma...

TONTU BEING A TOURIST??? IS KILLING ME??? HE'S GOT THE HAWAIIAN SHIRT AND EVERYTHING I. HELP

Alfur. Alfur I Don't Like This Foreshadowing. Alfur. Alfur Stop Playing The Board Game. ALFUR.

+ of COURSE tontu is the shit-eating smug gamemaster that beats everyones asses no remorse. i'm going go murder this walking hairball (affectionate) ❤️

I'm glad they were straight up with Astrid's "oh, hi, yeah, no I'm not a witch I just really like witchcraft." LIKE IT'S SO REAL??

not to be that guy but why's Astrid kinda fuckigjgn. ADORABLE. please. please. please. just one chance

I'm Normal

Episode 2.

okay but the writers did SUCH a good job portraying what folklore towns are like here. Like everyone KNOWS things but none of them are accurate. also?? just in general a REALLY well-done montage. I do wish I knew what sauce Hilda picked for her ice cream though /hj

Johanna traumatised as fuck (We all saw this coming ❤️)

Thaose are NOT FAIRIES‼️monsterlovers come get your food though

shroom aliens. just in general a very eerie atmosphere done very well

PORTALS??? TO OTHER LIKE. FAE REALMS. I MEAN I'M NOT LIKE. SURPRISED. BUT. WHRHOUH??

mmmm HILDA SAW SOMETHING AND NOW SHE'S BEING FOLLOWED. i'm guessing its something to do with Johanna's "thank goodness they didnt see you :)" because. I mean initially you think it's about the mushroom creatures but it VERY EVIDENTLY IS NOT. aough

Episode 3.

ALTERNATE REALITIES ARE NOT ONLY REAL BUT ALSO ACCESSIBLE

woodman is just the caretaker of ancient trees i guess. ALSO HIS SASS AT THE BOOK "well i'm not in there :/" guess what i'm in love with you

the animation in this episode was absolutely GORGEOUS. literally no 2D animated show has ever done flame-ridden scenery in such a perfect, gorgeous way before I think.

HILDA WITH A SWORD HILDA WITH A SWORD HILDA HAS A SWORD YEAHHHHH!!! bisexuals rule da woooorld

oh. oh the. the giantslayer is a k- oh... oh noooo...

oh he's very. passionate i wonder wh-

holy shit. that poor fucking kid (⁠´⁠;⁠︵⁠;⁠`⁠) like that was. that was so much. oh my god??? jesus christ. this season is getting progressively more unnerving with it's darker themes.

ALTHOUGH IT WAS A WOODMAN EPISODE!!!! WIN!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE THAT BARK CREATURE SO MUCH!! PLEASE LETS. BE OKAY

i LOOOVE the snow sister's voice so much. she's wife to me.

Not sure if it was done on purpose or not but every time it played that boom sound whenever Hilda turned back to look at the flaming tree it. it made me laugh. it made me giggle. it was so stupid looking, gave me IZ:ETF energy and really let me calm down from the emotional ride of the last few minutes

seeing more giants is really neat. the sound design for when they jumped away was MAD..in general this season feels like it was made to be listened to on a surround sound speaker system tbh

GOOD EPISODE. uh oh now there's Guys I Think

Episode 4.

Nah this guy boutta be a tumblr sexyman 😦

OKAY OFF THE BAT I ADORE LOUISE. LOUISE IS MY GIRL. I LOVE THEM. I LOVE I LOVE I LOVE. THEIR ENERGY IS SO SWEET??? BUT LIKE I WAS SCREAMING INTERNALLY THE WHOLE TIME BEING LIKE "oh my god. oh my god why are you LYING TO HER and treating her like a Normal Person she's very clearly a little freak like you. oh my god."

AND THEN WHEN THAT WAS BROUGHT UP BY THE MERMAN-- "Oh, you think Louise is SO innocent..." like??? ok first of all THAT LINE DELIVERY?? massive props to the VA. secondly YESSSSS SPIT THE TRUTH. and then Louise does speak up and its like. fr. fr. i love you. be a main character be a main character plrase lpease plea

STOOOPPP... stop THE MERMAN'S a theater kid?? i'm going to start , having feelings AND I DON'T WANT IT!!!

that animation change for the musical number(s) is so good. like..oh my god. oh my GOD the animation is gorgeous. very much a "i wonder if the creators have been on hallucinogens before" kind of thing though adgasjskfwheg

generally just another REALLY GOOD REALLY COOL EPISODE.

my only criticism though this is to Literally All Kids Media Ever is that no-one knows how to write accurate bullying/exclusionary activity (in this episode regarding the ginger kid and his scout group). no kids act like that. please i was bullied so hard i should know

spinning in circles WHEE WHEEEE I WANTT. im gonna download the merman's song. put it on streaming platforms Now‼️

Episode 5.

WELL. THAT'S ONE QUESTION TIED THE FUCK UP ISN'T IT?????????? I'M STILL PROCESSING. OH MY GOD THOUFH. OH MY GOD???

"I just kind of assumed he died when you were a baby..."

"I thought it was some tragic accident!"

FRIDA AND DAVID THAT'S SO REAL OF YOU. thank you for being The Fandom. I love you. I love you. I l

YEESH. um.. Johanna's beef is so. real. and human. oough. this show has GOTTA stop making episodes about my childhood man!!! that's not fair

Alfur immediately not liking his vibes got me 😶 cause like. yk the elf has that autism intuition. so

THE. THE COMMUNICATION BETWEEN HILDA AND THE TROLL..ONCE AGAIN. every time without fail. the trolls are just. they're nor angry creatures they're just kind of. Done With Human Shit™ and want them to stop interfering lmao (don't we all)

Johanna and Hilda having that Moment™ at the end where they have to acknowledge his shortcomings but like..the ONE time that Hilda has to face something like this is the ONE time it's actually not his fault. Like straight up sorey babygirls but he got yoinked by the dementors. um.

Okay on another note. anders has kind of got that dilf swag? not like. as a dad. but as a loser. you know losers. help me help help help help help *clawing at the floor as i get dragged to hell for enjoying a character i absolutely should be seeing red flags for*

[toushindai]

Seeing your thoughts on Rauru, I am now curious: how do you approach Ganondorf as a character? How does that compare or contrast with how you think about Rauru?

Thank you for the ask and all your thoughtful comments!! I've really appreciated them.

Approaching Ganondorf has been a different, more conscious process from how I approached Rauru; when I sat down to start brainstorming "A Sense of Entitlement" there was very much a moment where I had to ask myself "well, what am I trying to communicate about Ganondorf here?" I felt like, because I was putting all this mental work into complicating Rauru, I owed it to Ganondorf to complicate him as well, but I don't think the game presents quite as many juicy contradictions in Ganondorf's character. The game doesn't really seem interested in a well-rounded Ganondorf, a Ganondorf who has a point in resisting Hyrule's formation. Which sucks! Thank god we've all invented fanfiction and can do whatever we want forever.

It took me a little while to pin down the exact shape of him, but what I did decide on very early was that he is just deeply unhappy, the way a bottomless pit is unhappy. Nothing can fill him up besides being in control and exerting that control cruelly. Trace that backwards a bit--back further than he is willing to trace it, because there could be weakness at its source--and there is a paranoia, an inability to trust: only force and domination can be trusted to be real, anything else will be toppled when a strong enough force comes along. Any ally who does not fall 100% in line must be brought into line or self-evidently cannot be trusted. And then peel that feeling back a little more and I see alienation and a hideous, howling loneliness. A how-do-you-survive-this loneliness. And that's the feeling I place at his core--though it's well and truly obliterated from his conscious awareness.

I like writing about alienation? Not realizing that you're queer and autistic until you're in your twenties will do that to you, eh. The alienation from his people that I see in Ganondorf I do honestly read as a bit of a queer one, specifically, given that he is the only person in his culture who is going to exist in his gender category for the entire length of his lifespan. I think that has to feel pretty weird! I think it has to feel alienating, even if the form the alienation takes is that of putting him on a pedestal as king (but also, I have to assume--I will take the liberty of assuming--still being suspicious of other voe in a way that would be obviously visible to Ganondorf). In the fic I have him speaking of the Eighth Heroine, and while when I originally wanted that to be something he learned from Twinrova to inspire him to take pride in himself and the people he would one day lead, I uh. I had to nix that idea because the story of the Eighth Heroine doesn't accomplish that. It is not a story that would make a male Gerudo feel welcome among his people OR reassure him of his people's power! (It is frankly a bad story.) So instead it's something he found when he was--as a much younger man--searching for any evidence that a voe might have a place integrated into Gerudo society. The answer he found was "lmao not even if you save our entire ass 😌." He does not like this story. But to acknowledge how rejected it made him feel would be to look at something he believes is weakness, so instead he focuses on his disgust that even the Seven Heroines needed the strength of an outsider to conquer their enemy.

He has no place in his culture but he has an inescapably prescriptive place in his culture. He was raised knowing that he would be king, that everything he desired would be given to him because he is male. It is impossible to say textually what Twinrova wanted for him because they are. easter eggs. and so I just had to make it up: and what I decided was that they wanted him to be a conqueror, to lead the Gerudo and take over the rest of the land (solidified at some point during his lifespan into the kingdom of Hyrule). They wanted him to rule the Gerudo and the Gerudo to rule the world; but when Ganondorf lost his faith in his kinswomen he also lost interest in being an arm of the Gerudo and instead just wanted power for power's sake. I said this in a comment response but if the game is not going to give me a Ganondorf who is resisting Hyrule for the sake of his people--if it is going to give me a Ganondorf who, upon ascension to the form of the Demon King, seemingly abandons his Gerudo soldiers (Gerudo soldiers who were on board with his attacks on Hyrule! COME BACK THAT WAS INTERESTING) to go joyriding with a bunch of monsters and a rather cool horse instead--then I am going to make that a part of the tragedy of his character. It is a tragedy that he is so disconnected from his people. It is an enormous gaping hole inside him, this lack of connection with anyone.

But to acknowledge that, to feel it, would be to feel weak, and he cannot ever allow that. So he converts it all into cruelty and hatred and misery. He looks at people who have allied with each other and judges them weak for loving peace, for joining together instead of tearing each other apart. (In the Japanese, I am told, he explicitly hates the Zonai for accelerating this process.) He looks at any subordinate--or frankly at any other Gerudo--who does not fall in line with his agenda of unflinching conquest and scorns them for disloyalty and softheartedness. He hates whatever he sees and that hatred would be all-consuming if he were not so strong, so deliberately in control of himself. NOT to toot my own horn but I'm damn proud of this sentence:

Each movement is almost a meditation on his rage, fostering a measured alliance with the disgust and hatred he feels.

I think that is how he experiences just about every waking second. He has cut off all his access to happiness that does not come from dominating and taking away the power and happiness of others, and he has walked so far down this path--each step taking him further away from holistic contentment, each step taking him closer to the ability to dominate all he sees--that he could never turn back now.

Urbosa could've fixed him. imo. when he was much younger. (I'm saying this like a joke but I mean it.)

WAit I forgot to get into how he contrasts with Rauru. The thing between them is that both of them want power, want to have power over others; but Rauru hides this from himself because he thinks the desire for power is evil and he wants to think himself good, whereas Ganondorf... I think is probably comfortable thinking of himself as evil, or at least as what others term evil. And his comfort with his desire for power allows him to wield it much more effectively than Rauru does. We've got a bit of a hard power/soft power contrast going on. Ganondorf believes in power and physical force but Rauru's power lies in diplomacy and civility. In the trappings of social niceties. Ganondorf subjects himself to this framework by swearing his false fealty to Hyrule and finds it more ensnaring than he enjoys (he enjoys it zero), but once he has the opportunity to actually act in his own element by seizing Sonia's secret stone, the social niceties are powerless against his brute force.

[tiredmilkshake]

This is an open letter to the camp here and there fandom.

Also this is written out of pure rage so if anything doesnt make sense that is why, this is just me letting off steam and anger.

Firstly this is not directed at anyone in particular, not at any blog or any specific post i could find. This is purely directed at a possible person or post that was said to exist that i couldnt find proof for. That alone would be a reason to neitheir write or post this but i still am because i do have something to say and something i want some people to think about.

This is about the "transfem elijah headcanon" that i am not sure if it exists because the only evidence i could find for it where two post useing he/she for elijah and a single piece of fanart portraying him in a dress that isnt particulary saying that person hc elijah as transfem but they where praising quote "feminine elijah" so thats what i am going off.

So why am i mad at this? well there are two reasons a personal one and one with the moral implications of hc him as trans fem. so lets start with that.

Headcanoing elijah, a man that actively stalks, grooms and commits medical malpractice on someone, as transfem is fucked in its implications. 1. because there is the popular notion that trans women are groomers wich would implicate you support that notion. in its concept its transmisoginistic and alianates real life trans people from this fandom. and 2. because there is inherently something very wierd about makeing a "villan" flamboyant and feminine, because its a stereotype. feminine man being villans or only being portrayed in a bad light has been a problem in hollywoods history for ages so why would you transfer that idea onto queer media like this.

I am not attacking people who have the hc personally because i know a lot of the people active in this fandom are very young around 12-15 and i was at that point when i first came into this fandom so i understand that frankly sometimes younger people will not think about the implications of what they say or do. I just want to encourage people to think about this stuff because i feel it is important.

so now lets get to the personal side of this. When i first came into this fandom i became very good friends with a group of people who had the headcanon that jedidiah was transfem and i counted myself as one of them because i liked the headcanon, it was harmless enough. Shortly after a lot of people from said group started being harrased got suicide threats... etc. this caused us to hide on discord as a group. While i was never personally the one being attacked i was part of that group of people and i directly saw what it did to them and it affected me. one person has left tumblr compleatly over harrasment (not only over this but in part) and two whrere compleatly alienated from the fandom entirely.

this was over a year ago maybe over two i am not sure. A lot of stuff happend, the manifesto incident aka. the jedidiah apologist vs the elijah simps wich is still going on somewhat.

I mean to say that i doubt any of the people who have the elijah hc where the ones who harrased us back then. Yet i still deeply feel the injustice that no one speaks up against this hc and its actual harmfull indications while we were actively getting death threads back then and 15 page essays saying what bad people we are for disliking elijah.

so this has been my word about this.

[shangrila11]

Stargazing date // Ben Tennyson (Ben 10 UAF) x Alien! reader

‘Ding dong!’

You made your way to the door at the sound of the doorbell. Try as you might, you could barely repress your exhilaration, as evident by the spring in your steps. You opened the door to see Ben smiling. The Mark 10 was parked not too far from him. 

“Someone seems eager,” Ben chuckled. You cleared your throat.

“Sorry about that. I... couldn’t contain my excitement.”

“No need to apologise. I am pretty excited myself,” Ben smiled. “Come on. Let’s go.” He went to his car and opened the door for you. Smiling a little, you thanked him as you went inside. Ben grinned at you before going to sit at the driver’s seat. He started the engine and off the two of you went. You stared out of the window, admiring the scenery that seemed to fly by you. Ben stole a glance at you, smiling at how content you looked. His actions did not go unnoticed by you.

“What is it?” you asked. 

"Nothing much. Just admiring my wonderful partner," Ben replied, a tinge of awkwardness in his voice.

"...Oh. Thank you," you beamed slightly. The rest of the drive went by peacefully with the two of you just enjoying each other's company.

The two of you eventually arrived at a secluded forested area. You looked around to see if there was anyone around. Once you made sure that the coast was clear, you removed your ID mask to reveal your true form. The corner of Ben’s lips curled into a fond smile. In his eyes, you looked great no matter what form you took.

“Shall we place the mat?" you asked, interrupting his thoughts. Ben nodded and voiced his agreement. Together, the two of you carried out the said task and laid on the mat. A comfortable silence settled over the two of you. Ben turned to face you, silently appreciating how relaxed you looked. The two of you had agreed to have the date here so that you could be as you were comfortably. And it seemed to be doing the trick.

"Do you think we can see your home planet from here?" he wondered aloud, turning his attention to the stars twinkling in the clear night sky.

"I don't think so," you chuckled. According to your adoptive parents (who also happened to be Plumbers) and your research, your home planet was very, very far away.

"... Do you ever desire to go back?" There was a hint of sadness in Ben's voice but he forced a smile.

"The thought of reconnecting with my roots did cross my mind a few times," you confessed. "But this is my home now. I got my parents, friends like Gwen and Kevin... and you." You cleared your throat.

"Pardon me. That got a little sentimental.”

“Yeah but it’s cool,” Ben laughed softly. His eyes widened when he spotted a streak of light in the sky.

"Look! A shooting star! Shall we make a wish?"

You blinked a couple of times at his suggestion. Despite having lived on Earth for as long as you could remember, you still found human customs... peculiar sometimes (Why did humans wish upon a falling meteor? There was no scientific basis for it). But you decided to push your questions aside and go along with Ben's suggestion. The two of you closed your eyes and quietly made your wishes.

"You know, it was because I mistook the pod carrying the Omnitrix for a shooting star that I am able to experience all these crazy but awesome stuff, including meeting you. So I suppose I should thank shooting stars for that," Ben grinned. You hummed in agreement and nodded. The two of you smiled at each other before turning your attention back to the sky, simply relaxing and enjoying each other’s presence.