#divorced ass mf

[fazgoo-connoiseur-1987]

one of my favourite bits of dubiously cannon fnaf lore is that William Afton does not pay his fucking child support

[chrollohearttags]

I feel like if any of my favs were caught in a lie and he tells me ‘I put that on my father’, imma have to knock his ass out, sorry.

[urmomw4ntsme]

bro i wish my parents never got married

[soldier-poet-king]

And so begins the weekend from helllll

Father? In a pissy mood? Me, stuck with him in a car all weekend with 0 other people as a buffer? ALSO I have to do a long stretch of highway driving. AND go to an event for bro 1 who I am very upset with for being an all around asshole and don't want to see or speak to him.

[zeroducks-2]

I'm still hoping Deathstroke will appear in the Harley Quinn later seasons. That would be hilarious.

I'm afraid it would all be "divorced dad of 3" jokes and not much more. I don't think there'd be any Sladick hints, but who knows I might be wrong!

I generally tend to roll my eyes a lil bit when characters like Slade appear in the more funny and/or wholesome DC products, see what happened in My Adventures With Superman in which he looks like a bishonen pokemon trainer affiliated with Team Rocket. But at least it gives us all a good ol' giggle.

[theinfinitedivides]

the sh*t that Pyeong Hwa has been through and is still going through,,,,,,,, someone give me the number of the ex-boyfriend bc if i see him in the streets it's over. i am taking him out balls and all he can forget about f*cking anyone else over ever again. where's Ga On and his slightly horny torture dreams of his boss i need surgeon Yo Han back real quick for this one

[donghuamuqing]

One thing abt me is that if two people who once were incredibly close goes thru anything equivalent to a divorce i WILL ship it

[grimmjow]

the op blocked me but this is grimm

[uglylittlegoblin]

My partner spent money on take out just to come home with fucking chicken, veggies, and rice.

I’m homicidal.

[hopesangelsprite]

Your Touch

Summary: A thought that turned into me writing at nearly 1:00 am 💀

Warnings: language, fingering, biting (sexually and not sexually at the same time-), groping, grinding if you squint, manipulation (this is Illumi we're talking about... bffr)

There are many, many things we don't know about Illumi Zoldyck. For example his birthday, the full extent of his power, his total body count, etc. But we can safely say that Illumi Zoldyck is one touch starved mf 💀.

We know that he didn't have the best upbringing or most affectionate parents, so we can safely assume that the only reason he doesn't have to Google what a hug is is because of his expensive ass education and the things he's seen on television. So, imagine his shock when his wife is one of the most affectionate people on the planet.

At first he's appalled and thoroughly considers getting an immediate divorce. Then, ever so slowly, that insanely thick layer of ice on his heart begins to thaw. Those hugs he used to blatantly reject? He welcomes them albeit stiffly. If you ask him how he's feeling now, he's less likely to release bloodlust with the intent to kill you. He even finds himself seeking situations that naturally warrant your love and affection being directed solely toward him.

And just like he usually does, Illumi becomes obsessed. Forget about sleeping on your own ever again. Night after night, his cold body is either completely on top of yours or pressed firmly against your backside. When he's on top of you, settle in for the night and kiss bathroom trips goodbye because he's not moving until sunrise. When he's spooning you, both his hands station themselves in two spots: one on your chest, the other between your thighs on your crotch.

The amount of times you've fallen asleep breathless because his hands have a mind of their own is insane. The amount of times you've tried to fall asleep but couldn't because Illumi wanted to see you cum on his fingers is even crazier. And he swears he wasn't even thinking about it. You could be overstimulated and crying before he pauses in the middle of you coming. "My bad, kinda spaced out a little there.", he whispers in a voice so even it's almost believable, "I suppose I should reward you for being so patient with me, right?". Then he's back to abusing your holes. Even though you might be missing sleep, Illumi's never slept better.

When he's not terrorizing you're sensitive spots in the night, he makes sure that no matter where you are that he's got his hands somewhere on you. In a car heading somewhere? His hand's on your thigh, kneading it "absentmindedly". At a party for reconnaissance or a hit? His hands only leave your hips when absolutely necessary. Relaxing while he's in the room? Be prepared to be moved from your spot onto his lap with a quickness. If you're already in comfy spot, he won't hesitate to climb into your lap instead.

Either way his teeth will find your skin shortly afterward. This is another thing he discovered that brought him comfort. There's nothing like coming home from a long day of murder and espionage to mark you're pretty little wife up out of pure, twisted love. Bonus points if you squirm a bit while he's marking a path across your throat. Bonus bonus points if you bite him back, now you've got him started. Say you don't encourage his not so innocent behavior, he'll relax and tell you all that's been on his mind recently. It's a perfect time to bond in more ways than one.

All of those things are good and all, but his absolute favorite way of showing his affection is practically glueing his hips to your ass whenever your bent over. Say you drop a utensil while you're in the kitchen or need to grab something from under a cabinet. No matter how far away in the house he is, within seconds his big hand is on the small of your back and his crotch is nestled perfectly against your ass.

Then, to make things even eerier, he'll say shit like "My my, that was a hard fall... you should be more careful next time." or "What have I told you about putting your ass in the air without me around, someone could take advantage of you. Now bend a little lower for me.". He's such a loving husband that he makes sure to punctuate each sentence with a warning thrust or a hearty slap.

Illumi Zoldyck may be touch starved, but he's slowly making up for lost time every step of the way.

[incorrect-nevermore]

Montrass sucks so nothing new there BUT I GOTTA SAY THIS LINE FROM ADA IS FUCKING FANTASTIC

The way Ada constantly switch’s between iconic and “oh.. girl. No..” LIKE WHY WOULD YOU GO ON TO DATE THIS MF

THIS. THIS IS SOMETHING. you can tell so much about both Ada and will’s characters in this single scene.

The way they both awkwardly look to the side, trying to avoid confronting their guilt and desperately trying to find some justification for it, either with “This is hell, everyone’s on their own here.” Or “Just following orders.”

GOD DAMN

First of all, just Duke’s increasing desperation, as he goes along, realizing that these two will not act on their own doesn’t matter if they actually want to go through with this, they’re pawns they don’t have a say, in where they’re moved. So he tries to reason with the queen. Only to to be met with THAT look.

Annabel honey you are so fucking deranged for this, and your wife WILL kick your ass over it, but can i just say i love Annabel’s expression here. it’s like she’s studying him for anything extraordinary, for anything that sets him apart. Why would Lenore start to care for this bit of fodder so much?

“Hm. What does Lenore find so special about you? So special that she risks her own second life over you? No, so special that she risks our second life over you? … My dear, clearly holds the virtue of finding something to care for in the dull. You aren’t worth her care. You aren’t worth her risking herself.”

ANNABEL YOUR ASS IS ABOUT TO GET SOOOO DIVORCED

[chrollohearttags]

Musician!Eren fucks Y/N to one of his beats and thinks she won’t notice. (Based off that Reddit post a few months back 💀)

LMFAO!! please tell me this is about that one with the dude and that crazy ass song 😭 if not, please link me. But fr, I see him doing this because he is many things and conceited is one of them. He’d probably have this playlist of instrumentals that sound real sexy and whatever. Like you not thinking anything of it. He hitting you from the back, pulling on your hair and shit. Next thing you know, this beat come on and you feel his pace start to slow down a lil bit..you’re in the middle of moaning and all of a sudden: his dumb ass starts ad-libbing and making sounds. You turn around and look at this dumb mf just cheesing.

“Eren, what the fuck is you doing?”

“Hold on, baby. I think I just got my next verse.”

you’re so done! You just push his ass off of you and tell him to go. “Get your ass off of me..annoying.”

he gone have the nerve to say some out the neck shit like, “we can put your coochie noises on the backtrack. Shit sound like flip flops in the rain.”

and in that moment, you’ve never wanted a divorce so badly!!

[fitzs-space]

I want to talk about all the details I put into the Ties comic cause I worked on that thing for like a week and my brain likes to think about many things

Anyway, pspspsps I'm info dumping about my own designs gather round.

Notes for the character designs themselves

-The colours show if they are Red/Yellow/Green are different per character. Tango with bright colours, Skizz's are cool and dark, Impulses are more yellow, and Ethos are more desaturated. -Not all characters in the Life Games will get colour indicators in their eyes, the fact 3/4 of the designs here have it is unimportant shut -Impulse has a heart knot in his tie!! Look at it!! -Impulse cannot tie a tie. Tango does it for him. -Tango having his tie undone is his own choice -The choice of them having/not having pupils is intentional. -Etho only has the one on one side, maybe its cause the red eyes a little fucky in the vision, who knows though -Impulse has i's in the eyes -Skizz just straight up doesn't have em, but I normally don't draw pupils with that iris shape anyway. something something normally only draw that iris style with certain magical characters -I just stopped drawing with Tango with iris' at some point, idk -Skizz is designed as a fallen angel. that's why the halo's are all separated/broken, and why you can see darker feathers growing -maybe Impulse used to help him dye them white cause of some insecurity, maybe not -the lower his lives go, the less dark feathers are seen in his wings. like a cruel joke the watchers get a kick out of

-mullet Skizz MULLET SKIZZ!!!!!

-Etho is a sentimental mf /pos. they will keep and make a lot of patches for memory's and stuff. notable patches are, The NHO patch, a creeper cause of general Spazz, Canada flag cause Canadian /j, I normally add rainbow ones for the button saga of s7 but forgot to this time. -the rings are from all their divorces /J -the colours on the rings correlate to their owners (Bdubs, Cleo, Joel) lives. ie will be red if one of them is red kinda thing.

think that's the most of the design thoughts, now the Details in the comic itself,,,

-Skizz is the kinda mf who would fiddle//stim with random things in his hands. Many times its other peoples hands -dude will just hold peoples hands randomly when talking to them, team Ties just got used to it -That's why Etho took so long to notice the bracelet!

-their ass isn't phased by this kinda stuff anymore /hj -Skizz just enjoys contact man let me be -Throughout most of the comic Skizz has some sort of contact with Etho

-Tango and impulse also end up giving Etho bracelets as well -All the bracelets Etho gets share their colour indicator + the colour form the person who made it!

-you can see the colours slowly shift when Skizz ties on the bracelet, something something the magic of the world does some shit sometimes man.

-Skizz taught Impulse how to make the bracelets, so they have similar styles, Skizz's is more of a simple braid style though. -Tango went for something that took longer to do. it is a little scuffed /pos

-Ethos been getting their ass handed to them the episode before this, had to rightfully reflect that. you know? /j -the Slashes across their chest where form when Gem/Cleo killed them twice in that one episode. -The bite was originally supposed to be cause of Scars dogs. But someone in a reply made a joke about it, and frankly I think it'd be funnier if it was cause of Joel or some shit like they said.

-Had the axe as more of a battle-axe style. It was something Impulse made for Skizz (I forget who actually made it//Didn't want to go back to check) -I like showing characters having specific styles/ways they make armor and tools. -It's fun to show characters with tools and armor that can be distinctly seen as being made by another player

-That being an axe Impulse made adds more weight to the narrative of this moment and I want people to cry -something something for Etho its a moment of taking a weapon that Impulse made to protect Skizz, and using that as the tool that finally kills him -For Skizz this is a moment of his trust and care for his teammates. Being surrounded by people that he cares about and tokens that show their love for each other.

-Suffer, I could have been angstyier, and I will be actualy.

-Skizz is the one putting the axe to his own neck in this moment. Etho is putting as little force into it as they can. -Red king parallels who- -Etho also gets cut by the axe, something about sacrifice and how no life/time can truly be free in these life games -The blood wasn't actually intended to be golden ichor, I was just lazy and didn't want to draw red blood// wanted to have the cool lighting effect -Etho has the same colour in their blood too so, take it as you will

-I've had this comic planed since EPICODE ONE. had full intentions for it to go angsty in the end, and dam if the narrative didn't play right into my grubby little hands.

-I also just love how well I could parallel the moments in this comic. the comparison of the pages where both their faces are visible? the Joy in ethos face turning to complete anguish? the fact Skizz never stopped smiling? the way both moments start with an outstretched hand, and end with Skizz still holding onto Etho in a moment of trust? beautiful

-all the pages in the second part of the comic were framed specifically so I could avoid drawing Skizz ass.

[buttercup12233]

You know what I noticed, guys? Val gets more fans, mind you, who is a r@pist, than a pissy bird women, who is apparently hated on the most just bc she hurt poor baby Stolas despite he and her literally getting a divorce (so why tf do people still shit on Stella but love Valentino. Stolas literally has the power now and people treat him as if he's a fucking baby who needs to be protected. Yes, I know she sent Striker to kill him, Stolas almost died, it's insane. But seriously, that's the only excuse these Stella haters make to any Stella lover), Stolas starting a whole ordeal with Blitzo and making him fuck his horny owl ass every night or Blitz will apparently lose his job if he didn't comply. Not to mention, he has a fetish for imps and chooses dick over his daughter. I have so much more I wanna say about this mf but that'll be for another post. He's no better than her.

Like, imagine saying Valentino is just a fictional character and then attacking anybody else who dares to say that they like and adore Stella. Trust me, I've seen this go on in the helluva boss fandom for quite a while now.

[writing-time-bitches]

Aeon Headcanons because i have many thoughts about them

-Yaoshi is vain as shit. Particularly about their mission and Path.

-Lan is one of the Aeons who has a more favorable opinion on humans and mortals. They don’t bother mortals much but will jump to their defense.

-Nanook despises everything and has made several attempts to break Qlipoth’s wall, all of course ending in failure and a very angry rock-god.

-Yaoshi’s extremely obsessed with Lan. The obsession began when Lan first started hunting their beautiful creations and gifts. Is mad at Lan for taking a vast majority of their old followers (Xianzhou Alliance) and makes it a point to slander Lan any chance they get.

-“I hate Lan.” Yaoshi says, as they hang numerous pictures of Lan on their wall.

-Qilpoth is the tired dad of Aeons. Xipe is the mother.

-Nanook was once human, was crossed by the humans and made it their life mission to destroy every single trace of humanity from the universe. From then on they became an Aeon due to their immense desire for humanity’s death.

-Yaoshi and Lan are like divorced parents, enemies to lovers, and Lan took the kids.

-Nous and IX are surprisingly good friends, or at the very least in each other’s good spirits.

-Nous is that one friend that says “i know” to everything you say.

-Ouroboros and Nanook are also kinda ok with each other? They both strive to destroy everything but that’s also why they’re a little hostile to the other. Rivals?

-Nanook is that feral little child that everyone hates.

-Fuli likes to watch human memories like telenovelas.

-Yaoshi isn’t actually that bad. They wish to spread eternal life and, yes, their means of accomplishing that are twisted but their looking for those select few mortals who would push through the ugly to get to the beautiful. So far no luck, but Yaoshi will continue to hope.

-Akivili and Qlipoth were the oldest Aeons before Akivili’s disappearance. They were buddies.

-Qlipoth knows of the Sky People for HI3 and they are one of the many other possible threats that inspired Qlipoth to build.

-Qlipoth knows or at least has an inkling of the existence of the Imaginary Tree. Perhaps they strive to protect their universe from others…

-Aha most definitely is self-aware. Definitely knows about alternative universes and Imaginary Tree, not that the others will listen to them.

-IX is the quiet kid in the back of the class that always has an AK in their bag.

-IX is just a little baby and almost all Aeon’s agree that IX should be protected despite knowing that IX could easily eradicate everything that comes against them.

-Nous has movies. They like movies.

-Nous does not have information on Welt Yang or Void Archives. They are out of Nous’ reach of knowledge due to them being not of this universe. Nous has acknowledged both of their existences to be a challenge.

-Lan’s body is literally just a fancy horse. Horse anatomy. Centaur mf.

-Xipe has a very positive opinion of mortals. They love them little things.

-Usually the one the Aeons go to when a dispute happens is Xipe due to their Path and their indifferent personality.

-Mythus is the weird uncle that everyone has a love-hate relationship with.

-Ouroboros will gnaw on other Aeons if given the chance. Nanook is usually the victim.

-Yaoshi has this big ass tree surrounded by a golden sea of energy. This tree is how they spread their Path’s ideology. Seeds and fruits of this tree are the basis of the Xianzhou’s mara. The tree is covered in little cocoons that hold the bodies of those inflicted with Yaoshi’s gift and failed Yaoshi’s trail.

-All the Aeons are one big dysfunctional family and when placed in the same room it’s just chaos.

[dungeon-meshi-tournament]

Once again, it is time for a funny comments post for the tournament that just wrapped up. Here's the in my opinion funniest replies, tags, and reblog comments that I got in response to the Best Dancer or Musician in the Dungeon Tournament, sorted by the poll they were left on.

Golems vs Familiars (round 1) Look at them mfs, dancin the robot

Mithrun & Pattadol vs Fleki & Lycion (round 1) FLING THAT BEAST LYCION

Mickbell & Kuro vs Kabru & Rin (round 2) come on now how can you NOT vote for the breakdancing doggy rin looks so scared fjdjskfn she just kicked out kabru’s leg and they are about to topple. meanwhile mickbell is about do a sick spin out of that single handstand

Mandrake vs Laios & Falin (round 2) Laios is freakin’ it nothing style Omg Laois is struggling. Falin is grooving and he's like 'how are you doing that with your body?' The diffent autism experiences ♥

Senshi vs Dia (round 2) Senshi may not be dancing be he is serving

Namari, Kaka & Kiki vs Chilchuck (round 2) why he getting jiggy with it THEYRE TORTURING NAMARI GO WHITE BOY GO * namari is too horny to dance properly. her ass is NOT on beat. shes gwetting distracted this one is difficult. on one hand chilchuk breaking it down divorced dad style. on the other leg. well… dwarf girl is getting to look at long leg

Golems vs Laios & Falin (quarter finals) the three golemns are schmoving

Fleki & Lycion vs Hien & Benichidori (quarter finals) Sorry I got distracted by legs what was the question again?

Marcille & Dungeon rabbit vs Laios & Falin (semi-finals) come on guys. we're really voting for the woman puppeting a rabbit corpse over two siblings having the time of their lives together? Yes.

Marcille & Dungeon rabbit vs Chilchuck (finale) the 'my wife left me' dance this man deffinitely embarrasses his daughters with his dancing look. we know she can't dance. and that's okay 😌

Laios & Falin vs Fleki & Lycion (battle for the bronze) Yeet

* More than one person left this exact comment on multiple polls Chilchuck was in, as well as the winner announcement.