#do better with woc especially

[pinkomcranger]

I agree with you about Saga! I personally don't ship Andercasey (no hate to people who do, of course! You're all great and your creations are fantastic <3) but I love love love their platonic relationship! It's so great to see male/female platonic relationships represented in media, and their relationship is fantastic (whether you like it platonic like me, or romantic!). Saga in general is such an amazing character and it's sad to see how the fandom treats her. I know this is a usual pattern in fandoms in general, not just with AW - people ignore the women (of course, woc even more so!) in general, no matter how interesting they are, just to focus on the (white) men. I do like Caseywake personally, since I find the dynamic interesting, but I don't like, ship-ship it very hard, I find it intriguing. But whether people do or don't, it's sad to see they also can't give focus to Saga and acknowledge she's her own person. They make her a prop in other people's relationships. It just sucks. Why are women always the backdrop and props to mxm relationships?? In general I find it sad that people are so quick to only value romantic love - not that there is anything wrong with shipping. Usually I'm a big shipper as well. But bc shipping is such a huge thing, then they can use the excuse of "I only like Saga and Casey platonically, but I don't write platonic things, and Saga doesn't have any interesting romantic pairings to make for her if it's not Andercasey so I just don't write her!!" And it sucks so bad. I wish this fandom was different but unfortunately it follows this very old pattern of a fandom. :(

I think everyone in every fandom needs to do some self-reflection on why they ALWAYS ignore the female characters and poc. It's always been a problem and unfortunately continues to be.

Oh, you absolutely do not have to ship Andercase romantically. It's perfectly fine to see them as platonic, it can arguably be said they were written that way! Their relationship is beautiful however way you see it. Their chemistry was off the charts, Melanie and James/Sam made sure of that!

Platonic m/f relationships do make me happy, and personally, that's Alan/Saga for me. Nary a hint of romance or even surface level attraction, and I'm here for that.

Now, putting my personal ships aside, you're very correct. In fandom, women and WOC especially get ignored to place more focus on the white men. And I've never understood that in this day and age, when women and WOC are finally starting to get the recognition we deserve. What's the point in this?

You can very much ship your fav men, while also including the woman, especially if she was such a big part of the source material. It's very egregious when it comes to Saga, considering she's the deuteragonist. She gets equal writing and treatment, in fact, I would go so far to say that if the series WASN'T called Alan Wake, Saga would be the protagonist.

There's truly no reason to ignore Saga when she drives the story we get. Alan himself admits, with no hesitation, no anger, that he needs Saga. So to see the fandom essentially go "that's nice you feel that way, Alan, but I don't need her beyond propping!" leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

You can't even give a good case of "I CAN'T create for Saga shipping-wise, there's nobody to ship her with outside of Casey!" There's her husband (and I know that's difficult considering we don't even get so much as a glimpse of him, and that's interesting to me, but that's a topic for another day), there's Rose, there's Tim, there's Ahti, there's Estevez, there's even Alice. Saga has just as many options as Alan.

And there's no excuse to ignore her in another pairing. You can EASILY write CaseyWake without using her as a prop, or just an aside to say "see? I remember she was in the game!" Where are the ensemble fics? Why can't she be written with all of her characteristics and agency that was she given in-game? Does a black woman who isn't a stereotype that uninteresting or frightening to the general content creators?

Again, this isn't something new to just Saga in this fandom. Alice suffered from it the most, by virtue of being the most important woman in the previous games. And she got pushed aside for ScratchWake. But with the release of AW2, she's been given more love, I've seen more fics for her, I've seen quite a few Alan/Casey/Alice fics. Which also tells me that fandom finds it easier to write for a white woman than a black woman.

There really isn't anything I can do about that, I can't FORCE anyone to relate to Saga in the same way I do. I know there's difficulty writing for WOC, there's difficulty relating to them personally if you're not one. But again, in this day and age, when we're being shown more on the big screen/small screen, in books and video games, there's truly no excuse.

POC in general are still nowhere close to being represented as much as white people, but seeing a character like Saga so well written, so wonderfully portrayed, so loved by her creators get ignored for the basic white men, while this same group of people claim they're tired of decades of white men being the focus but continue to personally make them the focus, shows an extreme case of hypocrisy and covert racism, because again, there's no excuse.

I understand the fixation on fictional and FBI Casey. There's so much we're not shown, that we can fill in the blanks and easily fit it into canon. But at the same time, you can do the exact same thing with Saga, because we're NOT shown or told everything about her and her life.

I want this fandom to be better and do better. Like you said, all fandoms need to take a good, hard look at doing some self-reflection. Don't choose to ignore the beautiful women we're given just because they don't fit your narrative.

[graciehart]

I feel like this needs to be shared here (via @/thecollectress on Instagram). I also want to acknowledge the fact that, once again, a Black woman took on the responsibility of educating others who need to be introduced to other perspectives, including myself.

[anotherlegaroundyouinthebed]

I don't hate Rachel being cast as Lucy Grey but all of the Covey singing scenes in the book read as a Midwest American (think Kentucky/Missouri/Arkansas) folk band and it definitely takes a certain voice and blend of voices to do that right

[floralfemmes]

like I'm genuinely so fucking tired of white lgbts

I love being a lesbian! I love the community that lesbians of colour have built!

but it's a damn shame that we had to build our own distinct community because of how white lesbians treat us

white lesbians have like four different ways that they treat us: fetishization, disgust, erasure, and false allyship. and they're all equally bad and hurtful

constantly telling studs that you want them to beat you up. talking about lesbians of colour like we're sex objects. defending so-called "raceplay". do you really think you're better than the white men who tell woc that they're really into asian girls or latinas? it's fetishization!

and the disgust. disrespecting our cultures, our skintones. talking about your "preference" for other white girls. talking shit about black lesbians' hair.

or you try to erase us. you only acknowledge white lesbians. your wlw positivity blog is only white girls. you talk about iconic lesbians and only mention white ones. you imply or outright say that cultures of colour (especially in the global south) are inherently homophobic, like lesbians of colour don't even exist.

and the one that leaves the worst taste in my mouth? the false allyship. claiming to support us until it comes time to actually do something about it. letting people get away with racism because they're lgbt+. getting mad at us for calling out racism in the community. telling us it's okay to talk about racism, but we have to be nicer about it, that we're too judgemental or confrontational

and no matter which of these forms of white supremacy a white lesbian practices, they will always always hide behind being lgbt+ to get away with it. white lesbians will form a united front to defend each other from accountability for racism

it's no fucking wonder we've built our own communities away from you.

[in-a-slanted-outhouse]

I was writing about this in the tags but no it deserves its own post. Like putting aside how uncomfortable it was and how creepy it was towards Aidan and how it’s against Five’s character and blah blah blah. Five and Lila’s storyline was incredibly sexist. I am too tired to go too in depth on this so if anyone wants to add anything then please do. It is 10pm and this is hastily written but I just want you all to understand how fucking angry I am

Lila starts out as this badass female assassin. She has a really strong character and personality and although she’s seen as a part of Diego’s storyline in s2 she very much feels like her own character and she integrates into Hargreeves like a new main character

S4 just… She’s a mother of three kids which is objectively fine I guess?? Like making her a mother was kinda sexist but they could’ve made it work. But it’s been six years and she doesn’t have a job. They turn her into a stay at home mother which was unnecessary. And almost her entire storyline revolves around Five. They don’t delve into her relationship with her parents even though they were dead. You barely see them. So much of what she does was the writers setting the scene so her and Five can get together. She starts looking into The Keepers so she can bump into Five and then have that scene in the cafe. She is unpleased with her marriage so she can get with Five. She wants to explore the subway system and try to time travel back to fix the timeline so that she can get lost in there with Five. It’s actually so foul. I am so disgusted. She argues with Five and says that it’s not about him and Five says that it is about him. They then make Five out as some like kicked puppy. Her reuniting with Diego has Five standing right there looking all sad. Her reuniting with her kids also has Five standing there all ‘woe is me.’ He then has his whole sulking on the train bit like they try SO hard to make you feel sorry for him. Her saying goodbye to her kids also has Five standing right there and then as she’s crying in his arms he leans his head into her hair like he owns her or something and seems almost happy after seeing her have to abandon her fucking children. And then right at the end as they’re about to die Lila goes and holds his hand to make him feel better

Lila was such a cool and complex character and it was really refreshing to see a woman especially a woc be morally grey and they threw it all away

They made a poc woman’s character arc revolve entirely around a white man for a conventional cishet romance that nobody wanted and actively harmed the actors on the show. They turned her into Five’s little plaything so Steve could live out his perverted fantasy of Five having a wife and I am utterly disgusted by it

[kisseobie]

could you do what o6 ideal girl is??💗 love your posts btw!!

p1harmony and their ideal girl

pairings: ot6 p1harmony x reader

warnings: none

a/n: ofc u can and thank u :] by the way, i didn’t specify any race, nationality, or ethnicity because as a woc myself i find it strange when people act like we’re a rare desire and only certain idols would be romantically attracted to someone who isn’t korean or east asian lol

✴︎ keeho

most p1eces would probably agree that kyo would naturally be attracted to a girl who exudes confidence in herself, but isn’t arrogant and simply knows her worth without making it everyones business. keeho, although a sweetheart that would be incredible at helping you fight your insecurities (which everyone has!), wouldn’t want to be someones personal life coach at every moment. craves a girl who has an independent lifestyle, loves to let loose once in a while, and isn’t intimidated by having an equally confident partner. being as naturally funny as him isn’t a requirement in my opinion (he of course wants to be the comedian of the relationship), and i actually think he would prefer someone with a personality like jiung’s, someone passionate, maybe a bit reserved, and focused on themselves! he would also loveeeee a girl who dresses nice and can do makeup well, shows skin sometimes and has her nails done a lot.. i think femininity would be really attractive to kyo <3

✴︎ theo

i think taeyang is looking for someone who can match his energy well, be a source of comfort for him when he’s particularly stressed/exhausted, and is confident in her own morality. he seems like the type of boy to be interested in a girl who sees the world in a deeper way than most care to, someone who can teach him life lessons and make him a better version of himself. very attracted to femininity as well, especially when it comes to silhouettes. a big fan of slip dresses and such! i think theo would also really like someone who’s a bit more emotionally mature than he is, and makes him feel like the youngest for once, because he often does feel the weight of being the oldest in his group. despite seeking maturity, he still wants his girlfriend to have a similar sense of humor. wants to have lots of laughs within his relationship!

✴︎ jiung

the most likely member to fall for a lovely lady who mirrors his own personality! jiung is the epitome of hard work and passion, and i really do think he would seek out the same qualities in a lover. not a big fan of someone who would constantly need to be coddled, i think along with keeho, he is really attracted to independence and wants a partner that can handle balance between love and work! needs someone who knows that although his love for you is unwavering, there are other responsibilities and priorities that will often take up his time. i can see jiung swooning for a girl who is very kindhearted and soft spoken <3 being the one in the group who isn’t too fond of physical contact, any girl that shows her love with words of affirmation and acts of service is a winner of his heart! is obsessed with the idea of receiving hand-written poems of love from his girl, and also secretly likes a bit of a height difference, whereas i think the rest of the members wouldn’t really care abt that hehe

✴︎ intak

tak would loveee a confident girl who almost plays into the “hard to get” trope, as cliche as it sounds. he’s a big baby but is also the type to let intrigue walk him like a dog, therefore he’s probably the only member that would “chase” a girl until she finally opens her heart to him (and she eventually would, because honestly, who can resist him?). i think he’s the one who i would say has a combined tastes of all of the members. he’s very sensitive despite his light hearted nature, so i think he would value someone who can be in tune with his emotions and doesn’t shame him for it (kind of like soulie!). i think he would also really enjoy a fashionable gal who matches his own aesthetic, very slick with dark color palettes and silver jewelry! i think some canker sore girls might roll their eyes at this but i honestly think he would really be attracted to someone who models or does some type of work in the fashion world, not for superficial reasons, but because he enjoys that sorta thing!

✴︎ soul

i don’t think that shota has too specific of a preference for personality types, and it doesn’t really make a difference to him if you’re incredibly outgoing or very shy. he honestly just wants a partner that can silently understand him in a way most people can’t, someone who isn’t judgmental and just perceives who he is as something normal, something lovable. as long as that mutual understanding and trust is present, he’s not the picky type, in terms of personality, looks, style, hobbies, etc..! if he had to choose though, i think he’d want to be with someone who can bring him out of his shell when needed, not forcibly of course, but someone with just a general confident and friendly aura would inspire him to attempt to match your energy. (this is obviously very keeho inspired, since soul has always mentioned how comfortable he is with him, i think he would fit really well and be very happy with a girl who has similar vibes as kyo!). but like i said, the only thing that really matters to him is mutual understanding :3

✴︎ jongseob

for seob, since he really enjoys a lot of side hobbies such as photography and skating, i think his main attraction would be towards a gal with a consistent hobby, definitely more on the artsy side! like keeho, i think he would also be really attracted to someone who enjoys fashion and isn’t afraid to dress how she wants to! not too adamant on his lover having a set style, actually really appreciates someone who tries out different styles and surprises him everyday with a new look! would prefer to date a girl who isn’t camera shy, as photography is one of his favorite things and he would obviously want his girl to be his muse and personal model <333 doesn’t like being babied and treated like a kid, so an age gap (2 years or more) isn’t really in his line of sight .. would rather date a girl in the same grade as him or born in the same year!!! i think he’d also be the type to really enjoy banter in a relationship, that type of dynamic is really fun to him :DD

taglist: @woozixo @hearts4chanhee @kyokopi @astro-doll-the-star @soobiary @kyaaramello @t3ssamoodboard @angelcbf @idontknow-1s-world @vivienne-sim @elissasimp @imjustayapper @ihatewreckingballmains @sosaverse @seobing @www90kitsch @khfviq @barbiekh86t @bbyjjunie @taeyangi @fullsunstrawberry @jihnyah @intheemptymirror @watamotee33 @dreamer1299 @jixnnsie @wonootnoot @yukx-x047 @sundancearchives @chuuswifereal @seisyiss @fishsquishh @sunnyyangie

© kisseobie, please do not repost my writing!

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[binzlovenicetingz]

Heyy, can I request a will poulter imagine since you do fanfics for 🧍🏾‍♀️. Ig a long distance scenerio that as lot of angst but end in either fluff,smut or angst I’m down for anything. I’m just thankful for a poc writer honestly 😭

Imagine you are in a relationship with Will but both of your work schedules are pushing you further apart. The distance begins to cause a strain on your relationship, leading to a fight that might end your relationship..or is it?

warning: 18+ only, language, smut, oral(f receiving), unprotected smut(wrap it before you tap it), you said you were down for anything lol, established relationship, slight angst, no beta reading cause I'm a thug, y/n is a black reader but woc/poc are welcomed🤎

You and Will rarely fight.

Sure, you two have had disagreements but those never escalated further. There's no yelling or backhanded comments, if anything, you both learned very easily on in the relationship that you both hated going to bed angry and always made it a point to talk out your problems together and come to a peaceful resolution.

So why haven't you heard from him in over a week?

The last conversation ended in a heated fight over FaceTime. It was going on close to a year since you last saw each other in person - not like it wasn’t anything that you two weren’t used to but this time around, your schedules made it damn near impossible to even call, especially being in different time zone.

You didn't want to admit it but it was hard - and as you lay in your hotel room, you couldn't stop the ache that's been slowly building in your chest. You hated fighting with Will and especially hated it had you questioning you own relationship but it felt like you were the only one trying!

Will joining Marvel and becoming apart of the MCU was a big deal and you couldn’t of been any more prouder of him than you already were. He was working hard, you knew that, but you still couldn’t help but feel a little neglected and when there was finally a free week in your schedule, you made sure to tell him.

It was only a week and you missed your boyfriend like crazy, so you were going to make it work. That was until he broke the news to you, reshoots. You were hurt, crushed really, and from the other side of the screen, you could tell he was too. It wasn’t Will’s fault, you knew that but couldn’t hide the sadness anymore. You let it out, and in turn, he rightfully defended himself. Looking back on it now, it was a stupid fight but in that moment, you angrily ended the call and turned off your notifications for the night.

'A few days to cool off is needed' you thought to yourself on set but before you knew it, one day turned into three and soon enough you were in your hotel room getting ready. You had glanced down at your phone, thinking about shouting a text first but your pride wouldn't let you and with a new reason to be upset all over again, you left the room and got your Uber.

It was the wrap-up party for a mini-series you were working on with HBO or should you call it Max? You didn’t know and frankly tonight, you didn’t really care, the only thing on your mind was Will. You scan the room as cast and crew mingled about. You should be celebrating with them, enjoying completing a project you spent years writing and having a great team to back it up but right now, you just wanted to be alone.

Stepping out to the private balcony, you breathed in the summer night before taking in the view. The restaurant that production rented out allowed you a decent view of the skyline and enough height to see people walking below or coming to dine in and as you people watch for a split second, a familiar figure just down the street looking slightly lost.

"Will?" you squinted, getting a better look and seeing that it was in fact, Will, and you quickly called out to him before finally getting his attention.

"Surprise!" He shouted and you tried to stop the smile from growing on your face but you couldn't help it.

"What are doing here?"

"Surprising you!"

You didn't have much to say after that, all the anger and pent-up frustration all but faded and you wanted nothing more than to ditch this party and spend it with him.

So you did.

On the way back to your hotel, Will let it slip that you had to bride your assistant to give him the location and when you asked why he didn't just call you, Will sheepishly pulled out his cracked open, scratching the back of his head. "Kinda messed around and broke my phone on set the other. I had my manager book my flight and everything."

You could of swoon.

It was quiet as you enter your hotel room, Will shut the door behind him as he watches you carefully. He doesn't know why, but he felt nervous, maybe it was because this was the first time you'd been in the same room in close to a year.

"So, um I-"

"Listen, baby, I'm-"

You both rush to speak, smiling slightly as some of the tension leaves the room. Will stepping closer until he was sitting next to you and naturally, you lean into him, resting your head against his shoulder.

"I'm sorry." You whisper softly, not wanting to break this bubble.

A sigh leaves his lips, "I should be the one apologizing, Y/n.

"Can we just agree that this fight was super dumb and forget it happen?" you glance up at him smiling softly at you as he pulls you closer.

"Forget about what?"

You chuckle, shaking your head slightly. "And thank you for coming all the way here too, it really means a lot."

Will places a gentle kiss against your forehead before pulling back slightly as he takes in your beautiful features. "I really was trying to surprise you."

A smile graces your lips, "and you did surprise me, really."

"Maybe I should get a reward for my brilliant plan."

"And what kind of reward were you looking for?"

"Hmm, a kiss should suffice."

You were giggling now, "I think I should be the one asking for a kiss."

Will quirks a brow, an amused smirk playing on his face as he shifts in his seat before easily pulling you onto his lap. "Really now?"

You innocently nodded your head before letting out a playful sigh, "Yeah, I was left all alone, broken-hearted and sad-" a surprised yelp leaves your lips as your easily picked up and tossed over Will's shoulder without even a second thought, yelping again when you feel his hand give your ass a quick slap before he places you on the bed, lips meeting in a kiss that quickly turned heated.

The dress and heels you wore were taken off with ease but you couldn't say the same for your panties which were practically torn from your body and Will's lips kissing down your body until he reaches your wet center.

The sounds that tumbled out of your pretty mouth had him groaning into your core, earning another whine and buck of your hips to meet his hungry mouth.

"Yes, p-please ahh, more!" you begged as your fingers tangled into his hair and tugged on his roots. You were already sensitive from being pent up for so long that you felt everything he was doing to your pussy; his flattened tongue rubbing over your throbbing bud before wrapping and sucking on your clit as his finger pumped into your sobbing core. You were breathless and started feeling way more exposed than you even realized getting lost in the feeling of his mouth and feeling the heat rushing from your ears down to the tip of your toes that it takes you a few seconds to realize that Will stopped his movements.

You quickly tug at the end of his shirt, "You got too many clothes on." Will chuckles, sitting up between your parted thighs and easily discarding his shirt as you take him all in.

"Better?" He asked but you quickly shook your head and he caught on quickly, getting out of his jeans and briefs, and you were finally blessed with seeing his harden length after so long you could cry. You were just reaching for it when his much larger hand stop yours, "Later, darling, I really need to be inside you right now."

You could see the neediness in his eyes, stroking his cock at just the thought of finally being inside you were breaking his cool, and honestly, you didn't want to wait anymore either. Your arms wrapped around his neck, pulling him closer as your legs spread for him. The tip of his cock brushes against your dripping folds and you can't help but moan, raising your hips to catch more friction. That's when he eases into you, both gasping at the stretch that had your walls already squeezing him in more.

"So tight," Will groans, his face buried in your neck that his breath tickles your skin, raising goosebumps. He eases into you some more and your mouth falls open and your eyes roll back as your nails dig into his back but he doesn't seem the least bit fazed from the marks you were giving him while you try to keep your wits end.

Will soon pulls back, his large hands traveling down your quivering body until he's pushing your thighs back unable your knees are touching your chest in a gasp but he doesn't stop his thrust. His eyes flickering lower to watch his cock sink deeper into your wet pussy, the slick sounds coming from your tight was starting to drive him mad.

"Fuck, I might just cum right now," he whines, his cock hitting your spot just right you were starting to see stars. "you're so good to me, baby. so pretty taking my cock, yes!"

He usually wasn't this vocal but you weren't complaining, responding back in whimper and moans since you feel your brain turning to mush when he slows his pace but thrust deeper.

Will drinks in your appearance. You look so beautiful with your face contorted with pleasure, your eyes half closed and your glossed lips parted with sweet-sounding moans, and the louder you got, the more tempting the thought of fucking you all night was in the stars. He closed the gap between the two of you and kissed you. It was hungry and messy with all tongue and teeth. The hand that wasn't on your tit moved to your clit, rubbing quick circles on your swollen nub.

You clamped around him even tighter feeling his hand and with the way you were moaning into his mouth, he knew you were going to cum and he wasn't far behind either. Your fingers tangled in his hair once you broke the heated kiss, forehead touching

"That's it, baby, cum for me. Cum all over my cock." He strokes deeper, leaving you panting more as you dig your nails into his shoulders, and from the low hiss leaving his lips, you're sure you broke skin this time but you didn't care, not when your eyes fluttered shut, body shooked underneath him as your orgasm ripped through you in waves after waves. "C-Cumming! I'm cumming!" His pace was unrelenting, giving your more deep thrust until he buried his cock deep inside you, flooding your tight walls with his cum.

It was quiet aside from you two catching your breath. He gently drops your legs as he steadies himself on one arm, he uses his other hand to caress your cheek, your eyes meet his gaze a soft smile grew on both your faces.

"I love you."

"I love you too, more than you'll ever know."

You and Will rarely fight but when you do, you two are always making up in the end.

@penny44224

[mendeshoney]

you know my weakness is you (act two)

author's note: um...hello? is this thing on? sorry i've been away and that it took me a literal year and a few days to post part two to this story. also i meant to post this eariler but i am at home visiting family so i didn't realize this was not queued to post in est until literally right now. i appreciate everyone's love and patience in the meantime and hope you enjoy!

as a reminder - this character is a WOC and is plus sized bc...well, that's what I know as a person and it's kinda time I start actually trying to write like it. so let's just pretend there's a world where POC plus sized hockey wags can exist, mkay? i'm also manipulating some of the other wags of the team, so, that is also happening.

tags/warnings in no particular order: 18+, angst, enemies to lovers, miscommunication, unintentional secrets, insecurity, original female character, WOC character, consensual unprotected sex

word count: ~14,125

(read act one here)

When Mat sleeps, he dreams of Summer.

Mat dreams of her, craves her, wants nothing more than to have and to hold her.

He dreams of the words his captain spoke to him almost a week ago.

I’m telling you not to take this risk. This whole ‘I hate you but now I like you’ risk. And especially not with Summer.

She can’t go through that again.

And whether you want to admit it or not, there’s something between the two of you, and if it goes wrong, it’s going to be really, really bad.

If you’re not serious about her, leave her alone.

He thinks back through all of the horrible things he’d ever said to her, how even though he knew in his heart he was miles ahead of her shitty ex, he still wasn’t the type of person to deserve her, but dammit, that didn’t mean he wasn’t about to try.

Mat knows that he seriously wants Summer. Wants her desperately, has wanted her since the moment they met even though she pushed him away. And he’d wanted just one chance to prove to her that he’d make it worth her while, and he got more than enough.

Except now, it seemed his captain was going to be the one to put a stop to it.

After Mat had slept with Summer and Anders had given Mat his words of warning, the captain backed it up after practice a couple of days later, making it very clear to Mat how he felt about the idea.

“I can see in your eyes you’re not hearing what I said, so I’ll repeat it. Stay away from Summer.”

Mat had blinked at Anders, completely shocked and also thankful they were having this discussion away from the rest of the team.

“What?”

“Stay away, Mat.” Anders repeated, more serious and almost angry. “It’s not that I don’t like you, and it’s not that I don’t think you’re a good person. But you cannot be with Summer. At all.”

Mat bit back his snarky response, instead choosing his words carefully. “Is this about Sabrina?”

Anders shook his head. “This isn’t about Sabrina. This is about Summer.”

“What, are you in love with her or something?”

That was probably the wrong thing to say. Anders’ nostrils flared and he narrowed his eyes at Mat, jabbing a finger into Mat’s chest.

“Listen, Mat. I’ve known Summer since she was sixteen, she’s been my little sister in every sense of the word just as much as she’s been Sabrina’s, and I’ve seen her go through way too much and put up with way too much to allow you to come in just because she’s suddenly single and you’ve suddenly got the notion that you can do better than her ex boyfriend. I’m telling you right now, based on what I’ve seen? How your dynamic works? You can’t. And I don’t want you dating her.”

“That’s not up to you.” Mat said, moving Anders’ hand away. “That’s Summer’s choice. If she wants to be with me, she can be.”

“Then make it her choice not to be with you.” His captain responded, and it was exactly the ultimatum it sounded like. 

“And how do you propose I do that?” Mat bit back sarcastically. 

“You’ve been bickering since you met, and you’ve not done a single thing for her that shows that you care about her, or that you like her. Just because you slept with her once doesn’t mean you’re in love and need to be in a relationship. That’s not how it works.”

Mat scoffed. “Why are you speaking to me like I’m a kid?” 

“Because you’re acting like one.” Anders spat. “You’re acting like a child who thinks he’s in love after one time.”

“What if I’ve loved her the whole time?” Mat countered, completely serious.

Anders didn’t even blink, just laughed and shook his head. “Love? You’re joking, right? None of what you have is love, Mat. It’s not, it never has been, and it never will be. I’m telling you right now, before you take it any further, before it gets too deep. Stay. Away.”

Before Mat could respond, could tell Anders to either go fuck himself or try to plead his case, his captain walked away, and Mat knew in his gut he meant every word.

But…it already is too deep.

And he’s about to disobey his captain.

~

Despite her better judgment, Summer finds herself smiling when she walks into the small cafe shop, seeing Mat tucked into a table in the corner with her favorite iced coffee and favorite breakfast plate already ordered and sitting in front of him alongside his own order.

He’d texted her this morning, almost a week since they’d last seen one another, suggesting that they meet up to talk about what had happened in her room at Sabrina’s house.

When he’d given her the best two orgasms she’d ever had in her life, then asked her not to run, admitted to her that he liked her.

Mat Barzal.

Liked her. 

The thought made her both giddy and confused at the same time, admittedly completely unfamiliar with the rush of butterflies she’d been feeling everytime she found herself thinking about Mat, or reading a text from him.

They hadn’t seen each other since that time in her bedroom, Mat being too busy with pre-season training and practice, and Summer didn’t completely mind it. She had work as well, and was still helping Sabrina and Anders out with their wedding planning. 

Even so, seeing him after a week almost felt like she hadn’t seen him in months, and Summer knew in her heart that was probably something she should pay attention to a little more.

The butterflies, the anticipation, the giddiness - it was all quite a bit considering their history, but there was a part of it that just kind of…made sense?

Sabrina had teased her the night before when she’d been over to help her finalize the floral arrangement details. “It’s like when mom used to tell us that the boys who picked on us only did it because they liked us.”

Summer had laughed a little, and Anders, who had been sitting with them to finalize the boutonniere designs for the men’s tuxedos, had scoffed. “They’re not kids though, babe.”

Anders had seemed…apprehensive, to say the least, about her and Mat, but when Summer had asked him about it, Anders had just said “I’m not worried,” so she left it at that. Whatever it meant.

The closer she got to the table where Mat was sitting though, the more all of her concerns and worries faded away. 

Mat looks up as she approaches, pocketing his phone and giving Summer a wide smile. He stands to greet her, his hands cupping her face and offering her sweet kisses, murmuring how he thinks she looks pretty today in between each peck.

She’s sure she’s blushing beneath the bronze of her skin, and the smile she gives him in return is probably showing just how happy she feels at this moment.

“I’m sorry,” she says, “I hope you weren’t waiting long.”

“No need to be sorry princess,” he says. “You’re right on time.”

Summer smiles, taking her seat across from him and taking a sip of her coffee.

Mat watches her with a smile on his face, laying his hand out on the table, palm up. She raises a brow, but puts her hand in his anyway, waiting.

“We should probably talk about all this, shouldn’t we?” He says.

Summer shrugs, “If you want to.”

“I just want to know that you want this, too.” Mat offers, playing with the rings decorating her fingers. “We don’t have to talk, because as far as I’m concerned, if we both want this, then there’s nothing to talk about.”

She assesses Mat quietly as she takes in his words, thinking about the dynamics of their relationship.

“I think we maybe owe it to each other to at least clear the air, don’t you?” 

He nods, thumb rubbing the back of her hand gently. “I’ll start. I never hated you, not even a little bit. You got on my nerves a little, but I never hated you. I think I just acted that way because I thought you hated me first.”

Summer blinks a little, not expecting that right away. “I didn’t hate you, Mat.”

“It kind of felt like it.” He admits, but his eyes are playful, letting Summer know he’s not upset by it.

She thinks back to the day they met. His curious gaze as it ran over her body, how back then she couldn’t handle scrutiny like that from anyone, good or bad, because she could only ever see it as bad. 

A man like Mat looking at a plus size woman of color like Summer didn’t exactly always spell out happy endings.

She’d let her insecurities get the better of her then, let it push them both into something that maybe neither of them wanted. 

But still, they’d gotten here in the end, didn’t they?

“I think I just…I think we got off on the wrong foot.” She admits. “I never hated you either, I think I just felt…unsure.”

“Of me?” 

“Maybe you, maybe myself. I don’t know.” She says.

“Well now that it’s established that we don’t hate each other, and that you know that I like you, how do you feel?”

Butterflies.

Anticipation.

Giddiness.

Like a teenager in love for the first time.

Summer ignores all of that and shrugs playfully. “I suppose I might like you, too.”

The kilowatt smile that breaks out on Mat’s face is one Summer is probably going to remember for the rest of her life. He’s looking at her like she just hung the sun, moon, and the stars in the galaxy, crafting the heavens and given it to him.

“I can work with that.” He says, bringing her hand to his lips and kissing the back of it gently. “I’ll be happy to work with that.”

Her heart hammers in her chest, and as they dig into their breakfast, she can’t help but feel like she should’ve made this decision a lot sooner.

~

Mat wakes up to Summer cuddled against his side, and he quickly silences his alarm, wishing for nothing more than the opportunity to lay in bed with her for the rest of the day - the rest of time at this point.

Carefully, he untangles himself from her, making sure she’s sound asleep and tucked back in while he heads to the bathroom to start getting ready for training and practice. Once he’s brushed his teeth, he heads out and into the kitchen, going about making himself breakfast and getting food ready for Summer for when she wakes up later.

He checks his phone, spotting a text from Anders in the team group chat reminding everyone of the start time today at the facility. 

Mat tries not to get pissed off before the day even starts.

Anders has been nothing but a pain in his ass since he and Summer started seeing one another, almost as if he knows Mat never had any intention of listening to him and knows that Summer’s been in his bed nearly every night since that conversation.

Whatever. Mat doesn’t give a shit.

He’s not a kid, Anders isn’t his dad, and he’s not Summer’s keeper. He and Summer can do whatever they want, and if Anders wants to throw his weight around as captain Mat can handle it, but he’s not giving Summer up.

Once he’s about ready to go, he heads back into his bedroom to grab a hoodie and his gym bag, surprised to find that Summer’s awake, laying on her side, putting her phone down and greeting him with a soft smile when he steps inside. 

Mat’s heart literally nearly leaps from his chest to lay at her side.

Her curly hair rests on the pillow beneath her like a gentle halo, full breasts pushing at the fabric of Mat’s shirt she wore to bed. His shirt’s risen up a little and is showing a glimpse of the skin of her stomach, the blankets pooled a little bit above her waist.

She beckons Mat to her playfully, and he goes easily, climbing onto the bed and kissing her without a second to waste, slightly surprised by the minty taste of her mouth.

“You've been up long?” He murmurs to her, and she shakes her head.

“Maybe about ten minutes or so?” She says. “I thought you’d already left, so I was getting ready to go see Sabrina.”

“More wedding stuff today?” He asks, bending his head and pushing her hair over her shoulder so he can leave soft kisses on her neck.

She nods, letting out content sounds as his lips move. “Yeah, figuring out the seating chart for Anders’ side.”

Mat pauses at that, and pulls back, staring at Summer curiously. She hadn’t mentioned anything about Anders voicing his recent distaste for Mat to her, but still.

“Has he been different towards you? You know, since we…” His voice trails off.

Summer shakes her head. “Not really? He seemed apprehensive about it, but he hasn’t been different. Why? Has he said something to you?”

Mat hesitates, unsure of what and how much to tell Summer.

“He’s…not exactly happy about the two of us at the minute.” Mat begins, but as he speaks, he can see the fire in Summer’s eyes begin to build. Since he’s all too familiar with where that might lead, he immediately backtracks, making the decision to not tell her the whole truth. “It’s fine, just…maybe don’t talk about us in front of or around him for now, okay?”

“Don’t?” Summer asks, and at the fact that Mat can see the fire dissipate for a little, he nods, still careful with his words. 

“Not that I want to keep us a secret, or anything like that, I just don’t want him to say something to you about it, or have him get upset at you. He’s just trying to be a good brother in law, is all, I’m sure. Just let me handle it, okay?”

Summer nods, smiling sweetly. “Okay, I won’t say anything, I promise.”

Mat smiles, kissing her again, not complaining when Summer turns the kiss a little dirty, running her tongue against his lips gently. He pulls away again, quickly checking the time on his phone and smirking when he sees he’s got about fifteen minutes before he absolutely has to leave.

He really only needs five.

When he looks back at her, he’s got a cheshire grin on his face that Summer’s eyes twinkle at. 

“Are you still in the same state you went to bed in?” He asks. 

Summer smiles, nodding. Mat immediately rips the covers off of her, exposing her bare lower half, and Mat’s cock throbs at the memory.

Last night, after they’d showered and gotten ready for bed, Mat had cuddled up against her, wrapped her in his arms and tried very hard to not focus on how soft she felt against him, about how good it felt to have her there, how warm her body was.

She’d rested her leg on his waist, propping herself open, and Mat had dipped his fingers under the blanket to play with her, his sanity completely disappearing when he felt how wet she was for him. He’d torn her underwear off her not long after, fucking her slow and gentle until she shook in his embrace, his name falling from her lips in satisfaction.

Now, he shuffles himself down the bed till he’s nestled between her beautiful thighs, and Summer looks down at him curiously.

“Thought you had to leave for practice?”

“I’ve got plenty of time,” he says. “Plus, this is way more important than practice.”

Summer starts to protest, maybe to say something smart back to him, but whatever her response was going to be dies on her lips the second Mat’s mouth latches onto her skin.

~

Summer feels like she’s practically skipping as she heads into Sabrina’s house, bouncing off the balls of her feet in happiness. 

After Mat had managed to coax about three orgasms out of her just with his mouth and fingers before leaving for practice this morning, she felt like she could just about do anything. Especially with the way he speaks to her the whole time.

She’d enjoyed bickering with him before all of this, but it wasn’t until she reflected on the first two times they’d fooled around that she realized Mat loves dirty talk, and that he’s particularly good at it. 

The second she enters Sabrina’s house though, she shoves those thoughts aside and tries to tone down the happiness, especially with Sabrina staring at Summer like she’s got three heads.

“What are you so chipper about this morning?” Sabrina asks, eyeing her over the rim of her mug as she sips her coffee.

“Nothing,” Summer dismisses all too quickly.

“Mhm,” Sabrina says, raising a brow. “Wouldn’t have anything to do with a certain winger, would it?”

“Maybe it does, maybe it doesn’t.” She responds, resting her purse on the counter and going about making a cup of coffee for herself.

“How are you two doing?”

“We’re fine,” Summer says. “Happy.”

“That’s good,” Sabrina says genuinely. “I’m glad. Anders will be happy to know you haven’t killed each other.”

At that, Summer remembers Mat’s words from this morning, and turns to her sister with a slightly serious expression. “Could you maybe…not tell him?”

Sabrina blinks at Summer. “Why?”

“I just…I know how protective he is, and I don’t think he’s a fan of the idea. I just don’t want to put Mat in a bad spot. Could you maybe just…keep it to yourself? About Mat and I?”

“You want me to keep it from my husband that my little sister and his star winger are dating?”

Summer sighs. “Please, Sabi? Just this once, I am asking you not to tell your husband every little thing about your life and mine.”

Sabrina eyes her warily, but agrees. “Alright. But is this because Mat doesn’t want anyone to know you’re dating? Or something else?”

“It’s like I said, Anders is protective, he’s not a fan, and the season’s about to start. I don’t want to put Mat in a bad spot.”

Summer can see that there’s something in Sabrina’s eyes that makes her want to push this more, to understand, but thankfully, she drops it. 

Truthfully, she’s not sure where Anders’ apprehension is coming from, or why, but it’s clear he and Mat are at odds about it, and Summer trusts Mat enough to handle it, and enjoy their time together in the meantime.

~

After practice, as Mat is walking out to his car, he hears Anders’ call his name. Internally, he groans, not wanting to deal with his bullshit right now, but he knows it’s better to just get this over with now so he doesn’t have to put up with it for the rest of the season.

He turns, his face completely deadpan as Anders approaches.

“Did you think about what I said?” Anders asks.

Mat rolls his eyes. “Yeah, been thinking about it non-stop.”

Anders doesn’t look amused. “I wasn’t joking, Mat. I meant it.”

Mat feels the instinct to ball his fists, but he refrains.

He doesn’t care that this is his friend and captain, and doesn't care how long Anders has known Summer. Anders doesn’t get to just rock up and tell Mat who he can and can’t have feelings for. 

Whatever Mat and Summer’s relationship was like in the past is theirs to work through, and if Anders doesn’t like it, then fine.

He doesn’t need to fucking know.

“I’m aware.” Mat says. “I took care of it.”

Anders raises an eyebrow. “Took care of what?”

“We’re not together.” Mat says, the lie slipping easily through his teeth. “We’re not dating, not seeing each other, not falling in love, just like you asked. Your precious sister in law is perfectly fine high in her tower.”

Anders stares at him, probably gauging to see if he’s telling the truth, but Mat’s expression doesn’t falter. After a few moments, Anders visibly relaxes. “You two fought again, didn’t you?”

Mat scoffs. “Maybe we did, maybe we didn’t. That’s not the point. The point is you got what you wanted.”

“It’s for the best, Mat.” Anders insists, reaching out to rest a “captainly” hand on Mat’s shoulder, but Mat steps away, shaking his head.

“Whatever. See you tomorrow.”

Mat gets in his car, pulling out of the team lot and heading home, a smug feeling settling in his chest that Anders has no idea Summer will most definitely be waiting for him when he gets there.

~

“You got a little something on your face, Princess” Mat says, “Riiight…here,” and leaning in, he drops his spoon into his bowl of ice cream, grabs Summer’s face between his hands, and peppers kisses all over her face, working from one corner of her mouth to the other.

Summer giggles wildly beneath his lips, eyes shut tight as she tries to hold onto her own bowl and spoon under the assault of Mat’s kisses. 

She felt like her laugh lines were getting deeper and deeper with each passing day she spent with Mat, wrapped up in his embrace or under the constant receiving end of his affection and attention. It had been a little over a month of this now, this work in progress relationship. 

From what she knew, things between Anders and Mat were still a bit tense, but Mat reassured her that things were fine. It was just Anders finding it difficult to have a teammate date a family member, Mat had explained to her, and that he just needed time to come to terms with it. Summer could understand, so to be safe, and to make it easier on everyone, she continued to avoid speaking about Mat around Anders, and even shared a little less with Sabrina, just in case.

Knowing Sabrina, it only took a couple of glasses of wine for her to spill the beans, so it was better to say less than say more.

There had been a couple of times that they’d all been at Anders and Sabrina’s house, Summer there for wedding things and Mat there for team things, when they’d sneak off and fool around for a little bit with no one being the wiser, but Summer found it more fun than anything.

They’d just gotten back from a dinner date a little bit ago, Mat making them ice cream sundaes to have for dessert before bed after Summer admitted she had a small craving.

Once he finishes his onslaught of kisses, Mat reaches for the canister of whipped cream, spraying a little more onto her bowl and his own before digging back in. 

The TV’s playing a movie on Netflix, and when he turns his attention back to the screen, it brings Summer’s eyes to the time on his DVR box.

“Don’t forget we have dinner tomorrow night at Sabrina and Anders’ house.”

Mat groans. “Their pre-wedding late engagement party thing, right?”

Summer hums in confirmation, taking another bite of her ice cream. “Yeah. They didn’t throw one when they first got engaged since they were in Marbella, so they’re having it now while some of Anders’ family is in town for the home opener.”

“Speaking of the home opener,” Mat says, then puts his bowl down, walking off to his room before coming back, an Islanders Pro Shop bag in his hand. He hands it to Summer, who eyes it warily.

“Is this what I think it is?” She asks.

Mat shrugs, grabbing his bowl and digging back in. “What do you think it is?”

“An Islanders branded dildo?”

Mat chokes in surprise as Summer laughs, enjoying how easy it is to make him flustered.

She turns the bag upside down and is only mildly surprised when the jersey falls into her lap, the bright blue and orange and white staring at her like a neon sign.

“Would you prefer that I wear this?” She asks. “Are you going to ask me to only wear this once we get back home?”

Mat laughs, shaking his head as he puts his finally empty bowl to the side. “You wear whatever you want, baby, however you want to wear it.”

Summer smiles at him, then pauses. “Wearing this to the game probably wouldn’t be a good idea, what with Anders and all.”

Mat frowns. He’d clearly forgotten about that part, but shrugs. He reaches over, playing with the hem of Summer’s dress where it rests against her thigh. “Then I suppose you will have to wear it once we get home.” 

Summer smirks as Mat moves and wraps a hand around her ankle, maneuvering her until she’s laying with her back on the floor, watching him through curious eyes.

“And what else would you propose I wear?” She asks, watching as Mat removes her underwear and then reaches for the whipped cream canister, squirting out a dollop onto her clit.

“Nothing, if we’re being honest.” He says, rearranging himself to lay between her legs. “Now if you’ll excuse me, Princess, it’s a little rude to talk with my mouth full.”

Summer’s giggles dissipate into moans as Mat’s tongue licks away the whipped cream, the fabric of his jersey gripped tightly between her fingers as he enjoys his second dessert.

~

Mat leans back against the sofa in Sabrina and Anders’ living room, a little bit of tension leaving his shoulders now that Anders’ family has left and it’s just a few guys from the team, some of Sabrina’s friends, and Summer left behind. 

Everyone’s settled into the living room to wind down and chat a little before they all head home, and Mat watches as Anders’ has to keep a hand on Sabrina’s waist while she sits down. Summer told him that she’d had three glasses of wine because of how nervous she still got around Anders’ family, but it hardly affected her throughout the night. Now though, it seemed that since his family was gone, the anxiety and nerves were also gone, and the wine was catching up to her pretty quickly.

Summer was the last to make her way into the living room, and after a quick scan, found the only open seat left was next to Mat on the sofa. He was aware of Anders’ stare the entire time Summer made her way over, only breaking away once Summer sat down and Sabrina said something to him.

Mat barely listened to the conversation going on around him, too aware of the fact that Anders was watching them both like a hawk and that he was trying his best to behave. 

At one point, Summer must have started to feel exhausted, because he could hear the way her breathing began to even out, and then, her head gently landed on his shoulder. Tito saw it as well from his spot, and smiled at Mat.

That drew Sabrina’s attention, and she cooed, reaching out to gently wake Summer.

“Been a long day hasn’t it babes?” Sabrina asked, and Summer blinked the sleep out of her eyes.

“Sorry,” she says, then recognizing she’s still leaning against Mat, she blushes, smiling shyly when she repeats “Sorry.”

“It’s okay,” he assures, trying to seem flippant about it. “I don’t mind.”

“You two are such a cute couple.” Sabrina says through a laugh as she observes them, and the silence that follows is almost deafening.

“Who?” Tito asks stupidly. 

“Summer and Mat, obviously.” Sabrina says, and the second it’s out of her mouth, realization hits and her expression changes.

Damn wine.

“I mean-” Sabrina tries to backtrack, but it’s too late.

“Mathew, can I speak to you for a moment? Outside.” Anders says, his tone of voice making it clear that it’s not a request, but a demand. 

Anders heads out to the backyard, and Summer looks at Mat wearily. “Mat, you don’t-”

“No, it’s okay, Princess.” He promises, pressing a kiss to her temple and ignoring the apologetic look Sabrina tosses his way. He heads out after Anders without another word, walking up to where he’s waiting by the pool bar.

“What the fuck did you do?” Anders demands, pushing Mat the second he gets closer.

Mat finds restraint deep in his well of patience, deciding it would still not be a good idea to punch his captain in the face. 

“What are you talking about?”

“You’ve been seeing Summer? This whole time, you’ve been dating?”

“Maybe we have. What does it matter to you?” 

“I told you to stay away from her.” Anders spits, pointing a finger in Mat’s face. “I told you to stay away and you didn’t listen. And you somehow thought hiding this behind my back was a good idea?!”

“And I told you that you didn’t get to tell me who I did and didn’t get to have feelings for.” 

Anders laughs bitterly. “Oh so now it’s feelings? At the beginning of all this you said you were in love with her, and now it’s just feelings? Make up your mind, Mat.”

“I do have feelings for her! I do love her!”

“No you fucking don’t,” Anders spits. “You haven’t loved her a single day since you started sneaking around and lying about this relationship.”

“What else was I supposed to do? You made it very clear you didn’t want me around her and I made it very clear that that wasn’t your choice to make. So I did what you asked and let Summer make the choice for us both.”

“What is he talking about?”

Summer’s voice cuts through the night air like a knife to the gut, and Mat turns to find her staring at the both of them. 

She looks like an angel, hair blowing in the wind, the skirt of her dress flowing out beside her, the backyard lights casting a heavenly glow around her. 

But it’s her face that breaks Mat’s heart. Her face says she heard everything, and even though she’s standing right there, Mat can tell she’s already a million miles away from him. 

God dammit.

He couldn’t catch a fucking break today, could he?

“Summer,” Anders says, using his brotherly voice with her. “Go back inside.”

“No,” she says, and the tone of voice she’s using is one she’s only ever used against Mat when they used to be at odds. 

That used to feel like a lifetime ago, but Mat knows for sure that it’s probably coming back to him sooner than he’d like. 

“Summer-” Anders tries again, but Summer won’t hear it.

“No,” she repeats, taking a step closer to them. “You told him to stay away from me? Tried to stop him from dating me?”

“I was just trying to-” 

Summer holds up a hand, effectively silencing Anders, then turns to Mat. “And you. You said you wanted to keep quiet about us until you and Anders reached an understanding. But really, the whole time, you told him we weren’t seeing each other?”

“Summer, I can explain, I-”

“You said you didn’t want to keep us a secret.” She continues talking like Mat never said a single word. “But really, you just didn’t want to be the one keeping a secret. You wanted me to do it for you.”

The night air is suddenly heavy and silent, Anders and Mat staring at the ground in shame, nothing left to say. 

Summer scoffs bitterly. “Unbelievable.”

The click of her heels on the pavement has Mat’s head snapping up, his feet immediately moving when he sees she’s walking away. Anders is hot on their heels, following as Summer heads back into the house, noticing Sabrina and the others with their attention on Summer as she heads for her purse, then straight for the door.

“Summer?” Sabrina asks, concerned.

Summer says nothing, and Mat calls for her, but she keeps walking.

The three of them follow Summer out to the driveway, and Mat breaks into a sprint then, managing to get in front of her to block her path. 

“Princess please, just listen for a second-”

“Get out of my way, Mathew.” She says.

It’s the tone of voice that almost has him frozen in his spot. There’s no anger, no heat.

Fuck fuck fuck.

“Princess, I-”

“Don’t call me that.” 

“Okay, I’m sorry, Summer, I’m so sorry. But you don’t understand, I just wanted us to-”

“It doesn’t matter.” She says, placing a hand on his chest. “I don’t have the energy to deal with this right now. Please move.”

Mat wants to do anything but that, but he knows he probably won’t get anywhere with her about it tonight, so he does as she asks, and steps aside. By the time Anders catches up to them, she’s in her car and backing out of the driveway.

Mat feels like she’s taking his heart with her.

~

Summer sighs, spinning in the mirror and pursuing her lips as she examines the fifth maid of honor gown Sabrina’s managed to coax her into in the last hour. 

They’re at the Vera Wang Bridal House on Fifth Avenue, where Alex, one of Sabrina’s oldest pageant friends and bridesmaids, works as the manager. She’s been diligently helping Sabrina and Summer find the right maid of honor dress with the wedding only a couple of weeks away, and also helping to talk Sabrina out of some of the more less than ideal options.

The dress Summer’s trying on now is in the exact shade of what Sabrina’s been calling “champagne rose gold,” that she picked as one of her wedding colors, a spaghetti strap gown that accentuates Summer’s curves and compliments her shape. 

But it still doesn’t feel…well, like something Summer would wear, at least not as the maid of honor to her sister’s wedding. 

“I don’t know, Sabi,” she mutters, examining the way the silk falls against her body. “I like it, but it could be better.”

She looks in the mirror towards her sister, the bride to be, watching as she frowns, cocking her head to the side. “You’re right. The Lou's nice on you but the color’s a little off.” Sabrina turns toward the rack of dresses, pointing at one of the racks and then turning to Alex, smiling sweetly when she asks “Can we see the Lourdes, the Joelle, the Evelyne, the Diane, and the Vaness?”

Summer blanches. “Not the Vaness.” 

Sabrina raises a perfectly arched eyebrow at her. “Why not?” 

“Sabi,” Summer deadpans. “The v-neck on that dress is deeper than the Mariana Trench. My boobs would be all over the place.”

“Your boobs would look amazing in it.” Sabi insists, turning to Alex. “Right?”

Summer sends Alex a pleading look over Sabrina’s head, and Alex smiles, shaking her head. “Your sister’s at least a 38D and the Vaness can barely hold a 36C. I’d say ax the Vaness, and if you want to see a v-neck option, we can look at the Vanetta and the Varun instead. They’re a little more stable.” 

Sabrina hums, then nods. “Alright, I’ll accept the alternative.” 

“Thank you,” Summer says with a grateful sigh, and Alex sends her a wink before pulling the six gowns off the rack and putting them in Summer’s dressing room before heading back out to join Sabrina.

When Summer shuts the dressing room door, she carefully takes off the gown she has on and puts it back on its hangar before reaching for the next one.

Just as she’s zipping up the Lourdes, her phone vibrates in her purse from where it's resting on the chair beside her. She ignores it, focusing on adjusting the sweetheart neckline and the tulle of the train of the down when it goes off again, and then again, and then again, before it starts to vibrate with the frequency of a phone call.

She assumes it’s their father, calling on behalf of their mother to pester Summer for details on the fitting since Sabrina probably won’t answer.

Sabrina and their mom had gone shopping for her ‘mother of the bride’ dress last week and Sabrina was not pleased after her mother insisted on needing three dresses - one for the ceremony, one for the cocktail hour, and one for the reception. Sabrina was still a little upset, and their dad had been playing the middle man ever since.

Fussing with the zipper with one hand, and reaching blindly in her purse for her phone with the other, Summer answers her phone without even looking, immediately saying “Tata, okay naman kami. You don’t have to keep calling, just tell mom I’ll send her a picture of my dress when I’m done. Lalo lang itong makakainis kay Sabrina.”

From outside her dressing room, she can hear Sabrina snort in agreement. 

There’s a small pause on the other line, and for a second Summer worries that she’d been on speakerphone and their mother was about to scream down the line, but then she hears someone clear their throat before they say “I uh…I’m not your dad, and I didn’t understand a lot of that.”

Summer blinks, her heart plummeting to her stomach. She lets go of the zipper of the dress that she’d finally managed to pull up, then slowly pulls her phone away from her ear. When the screen lights up, and the contact name “13” shows up on her phone, she gasps in part shock and part anger, the phone slipping from her hand and clattering to the hardwood floor of her dressing room.

She wasn’t expecting that.

He’d been silent these last couple of weeks, giving her space after everything that had happened, so him calling so suddenly was…strange. 

And Summer was definitely not prepared to speak to him today. Especially when she hadn’t sorted out how she felt and how she’d go about handling this ridiculous situation.

The noise alerts Alex and Sabrina, who Summer can hear scramble to their feet before they start knocking on the door. 

“Summer,” Sabrina calls. “Are you okay in there?”

“Do you need help?” Alex offers.

Summer takes a deep breath, trying to calm her sudden racing heart and staring at her phone in total offense. She can hear Mat going “Hello? Summer?” and prays Sabrina and Alex can’t hear him at all.

“I’m fine,” Summer croaks out. “Just dropped my phone.”

She quickly bends down, grabbing her phone and ending the call, turning off her phone, and tossing it back into her purse. Quickly, she looks in the mirror, adjusting the dress one final time and fixing her hair. 

There’s a slight flush to her cheeks, and she schools her facial expression, pointing at her reflection in the mirror as if to say “Get your shit together,” before squaring her shoulders and opening the door.

“What about this one?” Summer asks, pasting on her best “nothing to see here” smile. 

Sabrina and Alex exchange suspicious glances, and Summer promptly ignores them.

And also especially ignores the way her heart hasn’t stopped pounding in her chest since hearing Mat’s voice.

~

Mat looks down at his phone one more time, then back at Summer’s building. 

He hadn’t seen her since everything that had gone down at Sabrina and Anders’ place, and she’d been ignoring his texts and calls, save the one she definitely didn’t mean to answer the other day.

Part of him knows it’s because she’s probably upset at him and Anders for lying to her, but before, when she was upset, he was used to her arguing with him, with her still being around.

All this space and silence was new, and he didn’t like it at all.

As he approaches the front of her building, nerves start to creep in. 

What the fuck am I doing here?

The more he wondered, the more he was afraid, the more he thought about her. And the more he thought about her, the more she got under his skin, the more she invaded his dreams, the more he knew he couldn’t waste another second without seeing her, or feeling her one more time.

No matter how badly he may have fucked up. 

There’s a buzz, a loud one, that snaps him back into reality, and he’s surprised when “Come on up!” from Summer's cheery voice greets his ears.

He hears another buzz and the snick of the doors unlocking, so he rushes in without a second thought, taking the elevator to Summer’s floor. 

When he gets to her door, he knocks tentatively, noticing she’s got some door decoration hanging over her peephole, and Mat feels his gut churn irritably. 

“Coming!” Summer calls, and Mat’s heart suddenly starts to thunder in his chest. 

Hold the fuck up. Is she expecting someone?

Blood starts to boil in his veins.

She let me in without even knowing who I was.

He can hear her footsteps getting closer to the door.

Is she…is she going on a date?

The thought is irrational, he knows, but he can’t help but worry about it anyway.

There’s a distinct shattering sound that echoes in his ears. Before he even debates if he has the right to think that, let alone even think of asking it, the door opens and Mat’s eyes are graced with the stunning reality of Summer’s natural beauty.

She’s wearing an oversized graphic t-shirt that has him questioning if she’s even wearing pants, and her long beautiful curls are down, stray curls framing her face, and then those chocolate eyes are staring at him in disbelief and he just-

Fuck.

“Hi.” He breathes, heart in his stomach.

God damn she’s so fucking beautiful.

“Mat?” Summer asks, like she doesn’t believe what’s in front of her. “What are you doing here?”

“I wanted to talk to you.” He begins. “I know it’s been a minute, but-”

“It’s been almost three weeks, actually,” Summer deadpans. “And now isn’t a good time.”

“Expecting someone else?” He all but interrogates, venom quickly seeping into his voice. It’s too easy with Summer, too easy to slip back into their little game, no matter how much he doesn’t want to.

But apparently Summer doesn’t want to either. She gives no indication that she’s heard him, no obvious tell that his irritation is irritating her right back. Her full lips don’t move, remain stoic and perfect and plump and-

God does he want to kiss her.

“Yes, actually.” She tells him. “I have friends coming over, and-”

Mat goes to her before he can think about it. He’s moving into her space, backing her into her apartment and kicking her door shut behind him before he takes her in his arms, spinning them around to press her back into the door and then sinking his hands into her hair, pulling her head back, and kissing her like his life depends on it.

For a moment, time stands still when his lips meet hers. He feels like his universe was knocked off its axis without her, and being close to her again, it’s like everything falls back into place. 

All the tension, all the worry, all the “will she, won’t she,” it all falls away and disappears. 

The only thing that matters is Summer.

Relief instantly floods his veins when he feels her relax against him, when her hands land on his shoulders, and it dissipates just as quickly when she puts just enough pressure under her hands and pushes him away.

Mat backs up, hands dropping away from her altogether, even though his fingertips tingle with the need to reach for her, to bring her back.

Summer looks angry.

“No.” She says firmly. “Absolutely not.”

No no no no no he thinks. Panics.

“Summer, I-” He begins, watching her walk past him and moves further into her living room. 

“No, Mathew. You don’t do what you did and show up here and kiss me and expect me to just forgive you.”

“I’m sorry, I just meant to-”

“I know what you meant. But you still shouldn’t have done it.” Summer spits, all fire and brimstone. “You can’t come here and kiss me like I’m still your dirty little secret.”

“What?” He shakes his head, staring at Summer in disbelief. “You’re not my dirty little secret, Summer. That’s not what this was at all.”

“Yeah,” she rolls her eyes. “Okay.”

“I wanted to tell you the truth,” he insists, swearing, “I just…I just couldn’t.”

“Couldn’t tell me that Anders tried to enforce some stupid rule you didn’t need to listen to because you’re both grown men? Couldn’t tell me that he was being overprotective and that he told you you couldn’t be with me? Couldn’t tell me that you didn’t have the guts to tell him no to his face? What of any of that ‘couldn’t’ you do, Mat?”

Mat frowns. “He’s my captain, Summer.”

“What the fuck does that mean to me? He’s my brother in law. I could’ve handled him on my own, spoken to him and told him to back the fuck off, and Sabrina would’ve told him the same. Instead you made it sound like he knew the whole time but was just having trouble accepting it.”

“You’re right. I handled it terribly, and I’m sorry.”

She stares at him for a second, then nods. “Okay, I accept your apology, now get out.”

His stomach bottoms out. “What?”

“Just leave, Mat.” She says, shaking her head and pointing at her front door behind him. “Just leave.”

He doesn’t know what else to say, doesn’t know what else to do, so he just nods, doing exactly as she asks.

~

Mat lets out a frustrated groan, dropping down to the ice to lay on his back, pain running through his bones as he shuts his eyes.

He can hear a teammate skating closer to where he lays, before feeling the blade of a stick poke him in the side. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”

Isn’t that the fucking question of the day?

It had been a week since she’d kicked him out and no matter what he did, he couldn’t get the look on her face out of his head, and he couldn’t escape the lingering tingle on his lips after kissing her after spending so much time away from her. 

The reality is that he had Summer, and then he didn’t. And though to everyone else it should seem like that’s normal, that they’ve always been at odds and don’t like each other, it couldn’t be farther from the truth.

Mat never hated Summer at all, and he never wanted to keep her a secret, but he thought that was his only option, the only way to go about finally being able to have her.

And he still ended up losing her anyway. 

“Nothing.” Mat mutters, keeping his eyes shut and trying to focus on the freezing surface beneath him, wiggling his toes in his skates.

“Looks like something.” He hears Tito mutter as he skates closer. “You’re skating like shit today.”

“Thanks for that babe.” Mat deadpans. “Appreciate it.”

“Did you get dumped or something?” Tito asks again.

Mat’s eyes fly open at that, and he lolls his head to the side to glare at him. “Not so fucking loud, dingus.”

“Well is it true or not?” His best friend presses. 

“I don’t even know if we were officially together in the first place.”

Across the ice, a loud voice echoes. “You’re not gonna be together in the future either if you don’t get your shit together.”

Mat finds himself shooting up into a sitting position, head spinning to look at his captain, who’s already looking at him with a frown. “What’s that supposed to mean?” 

Anders’ mouth presses together in a firm line as he skates closer to Mat and Tito, and when he’s close enough, he jabs Mat in the leg with the blade of his stick. “It means you need to apologize, you idiot.” 

Mat just stares at him. “Thought you said you didn’t want me to be around her?”

“I said I didn’t want you to be around her if you weren’t serious about her. You moping around the locker room, skating like shit, acting like you just got divorced - that tells me that I was wrong about all of this, and that shit might be a little serious.”

Mat stays silent. He’s not exactly sure what to tell his captain at this point. A week ago it would’ve been “Fuck you very much,” but he’s pretty sure Anders is trying to…apologize?

He assesses him carefully, then it clicks. “Summer and Sabrina chewed you out, huh?”

Anders doesn’t look impressed. “I got what was coming to me. Looks like you did, too.” 

Well that he couldn’t deny. 

“I tried to apologize.” Mat admits. “She told me to take a hike.”

Anders scoffs. “Did you expect anything less? And since when do you back down from arguing with her?”

“Like you said, shit’s pretty serious. So…yeah. I backed down and I left when she told me to.”

Tito taps Mat in the leg with his skate gently. “You love her?”

Mat hesitates to answer, not because he’s not sure. He’s pretty sure he does, almost certain, but he’s never said it, not really shown it, and he isn’t sure if Anders is still after his head, so he stays quiet.

Anders sighs. “What do you feel for her, exactly?”

Mat can put it into words, but as he thinks about it, it might not be the best explanation.

I’m pretty sure I’ve been in love with Summer since the day I met her, but she hated me on sight, so I pretended to hate her too. Except then I realized that she actually liked me, and now because I’ve been an idiot I think she actually hates me. And I still think I might be in love with her anyway.

…to be fair, that didn’t sound so bad.

Except, when Mat says those exact words out loud to Anders, silence falls around them, and he realizes several of their teammates, including Tito, were in hearing range, and now everyone’s staring at Mat like they’re waiting for him to disintegrate right in front of them.

“I uh…” Mat begins, falters for a second. “I just mean…”

“I know what you mean.” Anders says, nodding. “You should probably tell her all that yourself though, yeah? Preferably soon. Wedding’s next week, and Sabrina and I are going on our mini honeymoon during the Thanksgiving break, so…do with that what you will.”

Without another word, Anders skates away, and only after Mat casts a scathing look to the rest of his eavesdropping teammates do they follow suit, except for Tito.

Tito shakes his head, tapping Mat’s side with the blade of his stick. “Get your shit together,” he insists, before he skates away too.

Mat sighs, laying back on the ice and letting the cold settle into his bones. 

~

Sabrina and Anders had a beautiful wedding.

Truly, really, they did. 

Summer’s heart ached with happiness for her sister. 

It was everything Sabrina had wanted, everything she’d worked hard to plan, and through all the stress and breakdowns her older sister had, she was finally married and had the wedding of a lifetime to enjoy and look back on.

And since she and Anders had managed to resolve their issues, she was genuinely happy for him again, too. 

She had a feeling she’d find it hard to remain upset at both Mat and Anders, considering the more time she had to think about it, and remembered that men were in fact, stupid, thanks to Sabrina, she did understand both their perspectives. 

Anders had known her since she was sixteen and had seen her struggle with her self love, seen her date shitty people, and witnessed every second of her and Mat arguing like their lives depended on it. He was just looking out for her, wanting to protect her and make sure she didn’t go through something like that again, and especially not with someone Anders was friends and teammates with. He had to be around Mat on a frequent basis, and if it went bad between her and him, he would’ve had to tiptoe around them both awkwardly.

Except none of that was his to worry about, or even something Summer expected of him, which he understood now. 

The part that had Summer tripped up was the fact that Mat had explicitly said he didn’t want to keep Summer a secret, and how she’d understood, but he ended up keeping her a secret too, and she unknowingly helped him. 

Realistically, she did forgive Mat, but she also knows she should’ve been able to move on from it just as easily as she did with Anders. Maybe it was the fact that she expected more from Mat, considering how…intimate they were, but deep down she knew it was just her insecurities rearing their ugly head again.

Before it was the disbelief that he’d been looking at her in appreciation the first time they met, and now it was the uncertainty that he was only doing what he thought was the right thing to do at the moment. That he didn’t keep her a secret from anyone other than Anders and that he didn’t think she was enough to be shown off to the world.

Rationally, she knew it wasn’t anything, that she should be able to just move past it. But irrationally, Summer felt like it was still too good to be true.

Besides, they’d never actually said anything other than that they liked each other. It wasn’t like they’d fallen for one another. 

Okay…maybe that’s not entirely true. Summer knew she’d started to, especially the more time they spent together, the more they’d slowly gotten to know one another. 

But they never said anything to each other, so…

She’d managed to steer clear of him so far throughout the wedding, avoiding his gaze and purposely putting herself on the opposite side of the room. Right now, she was at the bar, waiting for the bartender to make her a margarita and watching where Sabrina and Anders were greeting their guests.

It was only when she realized after a moment that she didn’t see Mat anywhere that she had a feeling avoiding him wouldn’t be possible much longer.

“Do you think there’s more legs in the world? Or eyes?”

Despite the fact that she’d been expecting him, the absurd yet intriguing question has Summer turning her head to the right, and Mat stands there with a lopsided smile that spells mischief. 

Her heart collides into her ribcage in a painful throb. It’s been almost a month since she’s seen Mathew last. He looks just as good, is everything she remembers and desperately tries to forget in the same breath.

Before she can help herself, the corner of her mouth quirks up in a small smile, and she leans against the bar a little, shaking her head. “Is that the best you’ve got?”

He shrugs, stuffing his hands in his pockets. “Got your attention, didn’t I?”

She wants to roll her eyes, but refrains, turning her attention back to the bar, grabbing her drink from the bartender with a polite “thank you,” and dropping a five dollar bill in the tip jar next to her elbow. 

As she starts to walk away, Summer can feel Mat fall into step with her, and even though she doesn't want for it to happen, her body stiffens, unease seeping into her bones at his proximity.

“I didn’t know if you’d show up to the reception or not.” He confesses, the charm slipping away from his tone.

She shrugs, nonchalant. “It’s my older sister’s wedding. Why wouldn’t I be here?”

“I wasn’t sure if you’d do it to avoid me. Or if you finally decided that you hated me.”

His confession almost makes her falter in her steps. Almost.

“That’s a bit dramatic, considering I remember that I told you that I never hated you in the first place.” She practically bites out, quickening her steps a little.

“Could’ve fooled me. I mean I never saw you after you kicked me out.”

“I’ve been right here.”

“It felt like you were on another planet.”

This time she does stop in her tracks, turning to face him. “What do you expect me to say, Mat? I’m not exactly happy about what happened. I know you apologized, and I get it, I just…I need time to come to terms with it, okay?”

Summer can see Sabrina approaching over his shoulder, and she shakes her head slightly, letting Sabrina know that she can handle this. Thankfully, she nods, and moves to make conversation with another table of her guests. 

Mat looks at Summer then, swallowing a lump in his throat. “Tell me what I can do to help then. What do I have to do to make this right? Tell me how to fix this.”

She shakes her head, taking a step back. “You can’t,” she says, already retreating. “You just can’t.”

His eyes burn into her back as she leaves, and heads back to her seat. She’s determined to stay out of Mat’s way and keep her eyes away from his for the rest of the night, no matter how much her heart twists in her chest.

~

Mat stuffs one hand in the pocket of his hoodie, the other one clutching the bouquet of roses as he crosses the street, approaching Summer’s building for the first time since she kicked him out.

He felt like a bit of a stalker, showing up to her place unannounced again, but he felt like he didn’t know what else to do. 

He’d tried asking Anders for advice, and the only thing his captain did was remind Mat that he and Sabrina were leaving on their mini honeymoon, and to take care of it before they got back.

So…this was him fixing it himself. Or trying to anyway. 

It takes him an embarrassing amount of time to actually work up the courage to press the call button to her apartment building. This time, when he presses it, instead of Summer letting him up immediately, there’s a small pause, before her soft voice comes through the speaker.

“Mat?”

He pauses, waving awkwardly at the little camera. “Hi.”

Another pause, then he hears Summer sigh. “You’re not going to give up on this, are you?”

“Probably not, no.” Mat answers honestly, running a hand through his hair. 

There’s silence, and then the building door buzzes and Mat pauses for a second too long before heading through it, and up to Summer’s apartment. 

He only manages to knock once before the door flies open and reveals Summer standing there in jeans, a white tank top, and a black cardigan over it, her feet in fuzzy socks and even fuzzier house slippers. 

Still, she looks so fucking beautiful.

Summer has a look on her face that he can’t read, and that in itself scares the shit out of him. He’s experienced every single one of Summer’s emotions, been the target of a few of them too many times to count, but this one is…

Different.

“For you,” he forces himself to say, handing the roses out to her. “As an apology. Or, the start to one.”

Summer eyes the roses, and for a split second Mat thinks he can see the corner of her mouth quirk up in a little smile, but then it’s gone. She takes the roses from him hesitantly, cradling them in her arms and staring at them for a second.

Mat hovers in the doorway, unsure of what to do.

Summer clears her throat, deciding for the both of them. “Are you just going to loiter in my hallway, thirteen? Or do you want to come in?” 

The urge he used to instinctively have to roll his eyes is gone, and instead all he can do is nod, crossing over the threshold when she steps aside to let him in. 

He toes off his shoes by the door, following her inside. He waits while she puts the roses in a vase, looking at the art on her walls.

When she comes back, they sit on the couch, and Mat takes a small breath.

“Maybe I should go first this time,” Summer says suddenly. He nods, waiting patiently, and she sighs. 

“I want to start off by saying that I do forgive you, and that I do understand where you and Anders were coming from, no matter how ridiculous. I think the thing that's kept me upset is that I couldn't tell for myself whether or not you kept me a secret for you, or for Anders.”

“It was for Anders,” he swears. “I would never keep you a secret, Summer. I swear.”

“Okay,” she nods, accepting his answer. “Then with that being said, I don’t want to completely put you on the spot, but what exactly is this?”

“This?” Mat asks, confused.

“You and I,” Summer says. “What are we? Because I’m going to be honest, I’m not really sure.”

“Well, I would like to say you’re my girlfriend, but we didn’t really establish that.” He hesitates, gauging her reaction. “Would you…would you agree that we were dating?”

Summer nods. “Yeah, I thought we were. I thought you were my boyfriend.”

Mat really doesn’t like the past tense she’s using, but ignores it. “Is there anything that's stopping you from thinking that I still am?”

“I just don't know that I'm clear on how you feel, and I would prefer we lay our cards out on the table now.”

“Okay,” he says, turning his body towards her. “That first day that we met, I’d spotted you before I even realized who you were. You came inside with Sabrina, and I could see you from where I was in the kitchen. I was staring at you when you met me, admittedly for probably a long time, because from that very first second, I thought you were beautiful, and I wanted to get to know you.”

Mat can see Summer’s surprised by his admission, but he continues. “I’ve always liked you, and I’ve always been interested, but I was under the impression that you didn't like me, so I just followed your lead. I was jealous of your ex, I was jealous of that random dude from the club, and it was because this whole time I felt like I'd ruined my chances before I even had one. When you were finally single, and we slept together for the first time, it felt like I finally did have that chance, but then Anders stepped in and…well you know the rest.” 

Summer’s quiet for a second, observing him, and then she nods. “I knew who you were when we met, it was kind of hard not to. I thought you were cute and I was excited to meet you, but then when I caught you staring, I got insecure. I thought you were judging me, and that's why I shut you out and didn't let you in at first.” 

Mat’s heart shatters in his chest. 

How could you not see I thought you were the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen? He wants to ask her, How could you not see you had me in the palm of your hands that very first day?

“I thought that there was no way that you would be interested in someone like me, so I put up a wall and thought it would be better to keep you at a distance. I didn't really intend for us to bicker for as long as we did.” Summer admits.

She takes a deep breath, fiddling with her own hands. “When I was with my ex, I was genuinely with him, and then when I wasn't, and you and I slept together, I was genuinely into you. I had a feeling that it might be complicated between you and Anders, and when you suggested not telling him anything at first, I understood, and I still understand, but I'm still having a hard time in my head trying to convince myself that you weren't trying to be malicious.” 

Mat moves to reassure her, but the soft smile she gives him stops him. “I know that you weren't, but like I said, that's for me to convince myself of and not you.”

“So…not that I have selective hearing, I’m just trying to get this right. Do you have feelings for me?” Summer laughs softly at his question, but nods, so he continues. “And I have feelings for you. And you forgive me for what happened?” 

Summer nods again, “I do.”

“Okay…then…” Mat trails off, unsure of how this is supposed to go. 

“Then?”

“Are we…okay?” He asks.

“We’re okay,” Summer says, nodding. There’s a moment where Mat’s relieved, where he feels like he can breathe again, but then she says “But I don’t know if we should get back together. Or…get together, however you want to put it.”

Mat’s heart thumps hard in his chest. “What?” 

“Not today. Not right now.” She says, a small shake in her head. “I think…don't you think we need to take a step back?” 

“What about a step at a time?” He offers. 

Summer blinks. “What?”

“You said we shouldn’t get back together today, and I can see your point. Not today. But maybe…maybe we can just take this a day at a time?”

“Mat…” Summer hesitates, completely unsure. “I don’t know.”

“You don’t have to know. Not right now. That’s why we can take it a day at a time.”

She eyes him quietly, a million emotions flitting across her face as the seconds pass between the two of them. “What would you even do? Where would we even start?”

“Coffee.” Mat says immediately. “Just coffee. Nothing more, nothing less. Just let me buy you a coffee.”

Summer’s quiet, and for a second, Mat worries she’s going to say no, but then her shoulders relax, and she nods. “Okay, coffee sounds good.”

~

Three Months Later

“You just wanted me close to a knife when it was in your hand, didn’t you?”

Summer shakes her head with a small laugh, turning the knife around in her hand so she holds the blade between her fingers, placing the handle in Mat’s hand. He takes it, but the hesitancy is still in his gaze, so she idles up beside him, bumping his hip a little before focusing on the kitchen counter.

Mat had admitted that he hadn’t tried Filipino food before when Summer and Sabrina had gone to visit their parents in New Jersey, so she’d offered to cook for him only on the condition he helped out.

Their father, Sonny, had come from the Philippines as a child with their grandparents. Their mother, Shauna, who’d grown up in the Bronx, lost her parents by the time she’d married their dad, and so the girls had mostly grown up with the Maldonado family.

Their grandmother, Soledad - the “S” naming tradition in the family ran deep - had taught the girls how to cook staple dishes when they were young, so Summer could make this in her sleep.

She’d already gone through the meticulous and thorough process of showing Mat how to wash rice and correctly measure for the correct amount of water, and that was currently bubbling away in the rice cooker on her kitchen counter. 

Now, she was going to walk him through making the marinade for probably the easiest dish to introduce Mat to when it came to Filipino cuisine - chicken adobo.

“Okay, so I’m going to cut up the onion, but I need you to mince the garlic. We have eight cloves here, and you’re going to take a piece of garlic and put it under your blade,” she instructs, grabbing one of the extra cloves of garlic she’d put aside for practice, and moving it to her board. She places her blade right on top and waits until Mat’s done the same.

“Good, now don’t hesitate, just bring the meat of your fist, pinky side down, onto the back side of the blade, and smash the clove. Just be sure you’re holding the handle of the knife firmly, like this,” Summer says, then brings her hand down, listening to the blade and the satisfying crunch of the garlic clove beneath it.

Mat follows suit on his own clove, and of course, because he’s apparently good at everything, gets it right on the first try. He smiles shyly anyway, waiting for her confirmation, to which she smiles, giving him a quick peck on the lips. “Perfect.”

Mat beams at the praise. “Really?”

“Yeah, so just do that to the other seven, and it’ll be easier to chop those up. Think you can handle it?”

He nods, reaching for another clove, and Summer tosses him the one on her board before grabbing the onion. 

They work in a silent tandem, and Summer chances a look at him to find his tongue peeking out from between his lips in concentration.

It makes her heart twinge with something she isn’t totally ready to come to terms with.

They’d been doing this…thing…taking it a day at a time, for the last few months. Mat had taken her out on countless dates, focusing on romancing her the way he would have had they not gotten off on the wrong foot. There had been some sex, not a lot, but whenever they did have sex, it was always intense, and Mat always made a point to reassure Summer every chance he got, in bed and out of it, that he thought she was beautiful, kind, and everything he ever wanted.

Outside of that, Mat had taken her to meet his parents and his sister, and even joined her on her bi-weekly Saturday visits to Anders and Sabrina’s home for family dinners. The captain and his winger were still working on repairing that whole mess, but it was getting better, for the most part. 

And now he was here. In her kitchen. Learning how to make her Lola’s chicken adobo. 

When she finished with the onion, she tossed everything into a pan with a little vegetable oil, placed it on the stove and fired up the burner. She grabbed a bowl from the cabinet, then brought it over to Mat for him to dump in his minced garlic. 

“Pretty good there, thirteen.” She says before guiding him to the sink to wash and dry their hands. 

“Okay, now what do I do?” 

Summer smiles, pointing at the ingredients next to the stove. There’s shoyu, vinegar, brown sugar, black pepper, chicken stock, peppercorns, and bay leaves. “I need you to measure out the ingredients on the card by the bottles and put them in that little bowl next to it.”

“What? I’m on measuring duty?” He asks, wrinkling his nose with a frown.

Summer leans up and kisses his nose before backing away. “It’s because you’re meticulous, so I trust you.”

He blinks after her kiss, then nods, heading over to his new station with a little more pep in his step.

Summer stirs the onions around since they’ve already started to cook, then grabs the minced garlic and tosses it in before heading to the fridge. 

Her Lola’s recipe is usually meant as dinner for two, so she had six pieces of chicken thighs rinsed and pat dry set aside specifically for dinner tonight. Bringing the plate out of the fridge and over to the pan, she grabs a pair of tongs and places each piece skin side down once the onions and garlic get fragrant, allowing them to brown a bit. 

She double checks on Mat’s progress, only to find him already done, marinade measuring and poured in the bowl, and his eyes on Summer, watching her with a cheshire smile.

“Look at you,” she muses, going easily to him when he opens his arms, wrapping her own around his waist. “Hope you’re not too attached to your diet.” She teases. 

Mat scoffs. “As if.”

“You’re right,” Summer agrees, running her hands under his shirt and caressing the hard muscle of his abdomen. “You don’t really need it.”

She feels him flex under her fingers and she laughs, looking up to find him smirking down at her, the heat in his eyes evident. “Well I kinda need it, gotta stay in shape to keep up with you at night.”

As if to remind her, her body’s muscles choose that moment to remind her of their ache, and Summer flushes, pushing away from Mat to head back to her place on the stove. 

“Well,” she begins, flipping the chicken over. “I appreciate your dedication. Can you bring over the marinade?”

He nods, grabbing the bowl and carefully idling up beside her. 

“Okay, now you’re just gonna pour it over everything, but make sure you cover each piece of chicken when you go.” She watches as Mat follows her instruction, and once he’s done, she shakes the pan a little, lowers the temperature a smidge, then covers it with a lid.

“Now what?” He asks, looking around. She’d already washed and set the rice to cook in the rice cooker on her counter, but he didn’t see any additional food lying around.

“Well, we have to let it cook for about fifteen minutes, and then we add the finishing touches, and then we eat!”

She ushers him back toward the stove to wash their hands again. It was something she’d learned as a kid, washing her hands after every step in cooking, and she hoped Mat didn’t think it was weird or strange.

He didn’t seem to mind though, going easily along and washing and drying his hands beside her without complaint.

“So…we have fifteen minutes to ourselves?” He asks, setting up a timer on his phone. 

Summer raises a brow at him in suspicion. “Yes…why?”

Mat smirks, leaning with his hip against the sink when he reaches for Summer. “Cause I’ve been thinking about eating your pussy since this morning. Can I?”

He takes her in his arms before she can answer, and then he’s kissing her neck, hands wrapping around her waist and down to her ass, palming the flesh in his hands. She moans a little when his teeth nip at her neck, and she has to push him away to be able to back up and out of his space. “Mat, we shouldn’t, we-”

“Please baby,” he pleads, taking a step and crowding her back against the counter. “Just this once?” She feels his hands creep at the hem of her dress - the easiest thing to wear around him, especially when they tend to have moments like this - his fingers bunching it up to her stomach when he drops to his knees. 

Summer finds herself automatically grabbing the material between her fingers, nodding her head and lifting her hips away from the counter for Mat to pull her underwear down her legs. She doesn’t miss the smile that crosses his face when he runs the lace through his fingers, and stuffs the fabric in the pocket of his jeans.

“Jump up on the counter, baby.” He says, waiting for Summer to settle onto the counter before pulling her forward, her butt resting on the edge of the counter. Mat grabs one of her barstools from the other side and places it right in front of her before taking a seat, pressing “start” on the timer on his phone.

He feels like he could drool a little at the sight of her open and bare for him, the prettiest shade of pink shining at him like a neon sign saying “just for you.”

Not another second passes before he’s burying his face into her pussy, Summer letting out a blissful and content sigh as her body relaxes and Mat settles her feet on his shoulders, gently circling his hand around her ankles and encouraging her to wrap her legs around his head, to pull him in closer.

She doesn’t, not right away, anyway, too wrapped up in the feeling of Mat’s tongue. He squeezes her ankle once, trying to get her attention, and all Summer can manage is to loll her head to the side to peek at him. He rises up a little, speaking against her skin, not wanting to be too far from her.

“Wrap those beautiful legs around my head, baby.”

All she can manage is a nod, and Mat returns to his task, moaning when her warm thighs touch either side of his face, his shoulders under her knees and her beautiful calves resting on his back. He can feel when she locks her ankles behind him and he settles in closer, relaxing against her as his mouth continues to devour her pussy, her arousal dripping down his chin.

He feels her nails scratch against his scalp when her hands dive into his hair, fingers gripping his curls and lightly tugging. Mat knows those tugs by heart now, which one means to keep going, which ones mean to ease up, which ones mean she’s loving it and not to stop or she’ll kill him.

“Mat,” she whimpers, her thighs squeezing his head and he nods, bringing his hands up to squeeze her breasts, loving when her hands cover his, holding onto him. 

He says nothing, just focuses on keeping his pace and the way Summer’s body reacts to his mouth, beginning to feel her start to shake under him as she gets closer and closer to her orgasm.

Right when Mat thinks she’s going to grip his hair tighter, letting him know that she’s about to come, she suddenly sits up, pushing him back gently.

“Baby?” He asks, confused.

“Get up,” she says, and he’s up and off the stool in a second, approaching her carefully. He’s only a little surprised when she reaches for the waistband of his jeans, making quick work of the button and the zipper. By the time Mat’s brain catches up to him and finally understands what Summer wants, she’s got her hands in the waistband of his briefs, pulling them down while Mat’s cock springs free.

He watches as her pupils blow out wide, and smirks a little. Gently, he places a finger under her chin, coaxing her gaze back to his face. He kisses her a couple of times while crowding into her space, resting his cock against her soaked pussy while she chases the taste of herself on his tongue. 

Mat grips her waist, pulling her a little further to the edge of the counter, gently moving his hips. 

“Needy girl,” he playfully chastises. “Won’t even let me finish eating that pretty pussy because you’re so desperate for cock.” 

Her eyes flash up at him, her playful spitfire in her eyes at his dirty talk. Mat’s found out that this is the kind of push and pull she prefers most, when he teases her or says dirty things and she can fight him back on it in a way that doesn’t cost them both. 

Mat can see that she wants to talk back, but she bites her lip to refrain herself. 

“Use your words pretty girl,” he says, grinding his cock against her. “Ask me nicely.”

“Please give me your cock,” Summer replies obediently. “I need it.”

Mat smiles, murmuring a soft “Good girl,” then he’s moving his hips back until the tip of his cock catches at her entrance and pushes in slowly, watching Summer’s face the whole time.

He loves this part, loves watching the way her whole body relaxes, watching the way her eyes flutter shut and her beautiful mouth parts just a little as her body welcomes him. He leans forward, capturing her lips in a gentle kiss as he bottoms out, waiting for her to adjust to him.

He’s learned he loves that part, too - how no matter how many times they’ve done this so far, she always seems to need a minute to adjust to him. But whenever she did, she took him so well that they could go at it over and over again till their muscles were sore.

While he waits for her to adjust, he takes a quick glance over at her stove, then at his phone, checking the time. Nothing’s burning, but he’s still only got about five or so minutes left.

Mat turns back to her, bending his head and burying his face into Summer’s neck, leaving filthy open mouthed kisses, speaking in between. 

“Are you okay if we make this quick? Since we are cooking and all.”

That seems to bring her back to reality just a little, because he can feel her nod, and then she’s locking her ankles behind his back again, pulling him in closer - her usual sign that she’s ready for whatever Mat gives her.

He carefully pulls back before pushing back in, setting a pace he knows is enough to bring Summer to orgasm in no time. Summer lays back on the counter, and Mat’s hands immediately go to her breasts, cupping them through the material before yanking it down, smirking to himself when he finds she’s not wearing a bra.

Mat leans down, sucking a nipple into his mouth and drawing a soft whine from Summer’s lips. A whine that tells him that she’s definitely going to come in no time if he keeps it up.

He laps at her skin with his tongue, sucking at her skin as his hips piston in and out of her, moaning when he feels her squeeze down on him as her breath catches in her throat. Her back bends and he keeps his pace, his own orgasm quickly approaching as Summer comes around him, squeezing his cock in a vice grip and wrapping her legs tighter around his waist. 

He comes a few seconds later, buried deep inside and his mouth still latched to her, tongue soothing over the now bruised skin. 

His favorite part is this, the moment right after they fuck - how she seems so content to just lay there with him and let him hold her, let him stay inside her till he’s either ready to go again or ready to help clean her up or drag them both to the shower.

They catch their breath for a moment, Mat just staring down at her, admiring her beautiful curves, her full breasts, the curve of her belly. He traces his hands down her stomach, gently caressing her skin, rubbing at where he’s still buried inside her.

Her breath catches in her throat at the same time the timer goes off on his phone, and they both jump, Mat slipping out of her suddenly, and they both hiss at the loss.

“Well,” Summer says through a small sigh, “Looks like lunch is ready.”

Mat frowns. “But I already ate?”

Summer blinks at him, and when he smirks playfully, wagging his eyebrows, she rolls her eyes, slowly sitting up. “Funny, thirteen.”

He leans in for a kiss, and she softens, going lax in his embrace. Between kisses, Mat can feel his heart hammering in his rib cage, and he murmurs “I love you, Summer,” before he can stop himself.

She pauses for a second, lips frozen against his, and he backs up, gauging her reaction. She’s shocked, that much is obvious, and Mat can see the hesitation, so he leans in, kisses the tip of her nose, then her cheeks.

“You don’t have to say it back,” he says, “I can wait as long as you need me to. I just wanted to make sure I laid all my cards out on the table.”

She leans back, looking into his eyes. Mat knows what she’s looking for, knows she’s trying to make sure he’s being genuine, but he’s pretty sure he’s got hearts in his eyes, so she’s probably going to find what she’s looking for pretty quick.

“Mat…” She says, his name soft and syrupy on her lips.

“I love you,” he repeats again, leaning in to kiss her again. “And you can tell me when you’re ready.”

He pulls away, heading toward the stove to finish up, but Summer takes him by surprise, pulling him back to her and kissing him like her life depends on it, wrapping her arms around his neck and drawing him close.

“I’m ready,” she says between kisses. “I love you.”

[td-brick]

I talked about this a while ago (I think) but it annoys me when people use the stupid "well if the roles were revered/if Sierra was a guy you wouldn't defend her" strawman when talking about Sierra and her relationship to Cody as if Sierra as a character would even exist if she was a guy. Her writing and how she acts is entirely driven by misogyny and the people who wrote her seeing women as more neurotic or whatever than men. And this document (which is really good and you should read) goes more in depth about how a lot of her writing and her being depicted as eager/perverted is racist as well but. yeah. And you can recognize this about her without "defending" her or whatever. Yeah she was creepy and weird but MANY other characters in td are and they don't have nearly as much discourse surrounding them as she does.

Anyways I digress... going off my first point I feel like people forget how much misogyny (and racism in sierra's case, what with her being a woc) affects how characters are perceived and written in things. Sierra's character would not be what it was if she was a white guy. You can write flawed female characters who might have traits similar to sierra without being misogynistic and its actually bad if all your female characters are 100% perfect angels because that's misogynistic in its own right. but like there are still stereotypes you have to be aware of and if someone is misogynistic and writing a female character their misogyny will show through in her writing, like sierra. Watching world tour/all stars it feels like they're not giving her any of her own charm or positive traits, it's only attached to other characters (namely cody) and when she exists on her own (barely) she's just doing stuff to make you hate her.

And in and of itself the fact that her character is literally ONLY attached to cody (or cameron in all stars) is misogynistic. She is clearly a really strong person on her own, especially in total drama. like physically she's super strong and agile, she has a good understanding of the contestants already because of watching TWO seasons of the show many times and she probably knows a lot about how the game itself works, etc. Clearly she's also good at finding information about people so she would probably know how to use certain contestants traits to her own gain (to form alliances and otherwise). But for some reason they never really elaborate on that and especially in world tour just attach her at the hip to a random guy who she drags super far through the competition without ever getting any character development of her own and its so UGHHH. And I wouldn't even have a problem with her being a huge fan of Cody in specific (although I do wish they would focus on her being a td superfan as a whole more) if they just handled it better. which they don't. and the shit with Cameron in all stars is just dumb as fuck I'm sorry I don't think I even need to elaborate on that

[olderthannetfic]

I know about the origins of the Bechdel Test, but I do think it's inaccurate to say it's not meant as a criticism of movies that don't do that. I think that when people stop thinking in binary terms of "is this feminist?" or "is this anti-feminist?" and instead look at things more holistically, that you can recognize both that a character like Mako Mori is great, a step in the right direction for female characters in action movies and especially WOC, go forth and stan her and write all the fanfic you want.... but yeah, it is also a valid criticism of the movie (and many others like it) that she doesn't talk to or have relationships with any other woman in the film.

I think one thing to help people realize just HOW much of women's lives are being left out of media representation when we never talk to other named women about something other than a man in movies, is to just think about your own life. I talk to my mom every day, and if we are not talking about my stepdad or my brother-in-law (and I don't think we've ever had a conversation that wasn't at least IN PART not about them or another man), then it passes the test. I'm a professor and when I talk to a female student about her homework or project (which is, again, something that happens pretty much every day I teach), that's passing the test. If I order food from a female cashier and she has a name tag, that's passing the Bechdel Test! It's literally just constant for the vast majority of women on the planet, and that's what's being left out of our stories.

Like, I like the takes I've seen about how part of the joke in Dykes to Watch Out For is that this is *particularly* alienating to lesbians - as a lesbian myself I agree - but I also think it should be frustrating to straight and bi and ace women as well, because like unless you are like exclusively interacting with your husband or male relatives every single day + you work in a workplace where you are literally the only woman, you are almost certainly passing the test constantly. That's a pretty big part of women's lives that Hollywood is leaving out!

But I think it's important to view it as just one piece of the discussion about feminism and women's representation in film, not the final judge on if a film is feminist or not. Which it wasn't intended to be - as you said, it was mostly a joke on the extreme maleness of 80s action movies. Honestly, I do not miss those days on Tumblr where people were obsessed with declaring certain movies/TV shows/other fandoms they liked as "feminist" or "anti-feminist" and the really bizarre granular discussions people would have between two works that BOTH had a long way to go in terms of representing women. I remember people in the Fullmetal Alchemist fandom would use this to argue about if the original anime or Brotherhood/the manga was better - when both have some fantastic female supporting characters, but are ultimately male-centered stories where even a lot of those women's lives and stories are centered around their male love interests and family members. It's better than a lot of shounen, but if that's your bar for feminism - either version - you have a long way to go (and need to watch WAY more anime because there's sooooo much of it that is female-centric). I also remember people coming up with other tests that were blatantly silly: like I thought the Mako Mori test about "if a woman has a motivation/story that isn't centered on a man" was fair because it did point out a legitimate criticism, but there was that ridiculous "Tauriel Test" where it was "a woman who is good at her job." And it was entirely about someone just disliking that movie critics and feminist commentators alike were down on the Hobbit movie trilogy, which a) were bad movies, sorry you have bad taste, b) are absolutely not where you should focus your attention if you're so concerned about women's representation in film, Tolkein has always been a sausage fest! And her big thing was being mad that people thought Judi Dench's M in Skyfall was a better female character, and so she arbitrarily decided she was "bad at her job" and Tauriel was "good at her job" even though that's completely subjective and can be challenged in both cases.... but also, once again, why are you looking to the fucking JAMES BOND franchise for movie feminism! There's nothing like comparing the relative "feminism levels" of JAMES BOND and LOTR to make it obvious that this is 100% about validating your subjective taste preferences by giving it a "progressive" excuse, not actually about feminism and not actually caring about women's representation beyond how it makes you look good. And yet SO many people took that transparently stupid post seriously. I'd see professional articles mention the Tauriel Test as "one of the new tests" like there was anything serious about it.

And then on the flip side, over-reliance on the Bechdel Test alone led to some clueless conclusions especially in anime fandom, given that anime has an abundance of shows that exclusively feature female characters in school clubs being cute, where those characters are nonetheless two-dimensional archetypes designed for the male gaze. Someone like fandomsandfeminism did a presentation at an anime con that called one of those types of shows "feminist" and some Japanese user eviscerated it, but that just led to the equally shallow fandom analysis of "everything a Japanese person says about anime is automatically more valid" and "any Westerner who wants to criticize anime on feminist/progressive grounds is culturally appropriating and ultimately coming from a place of ignorance, even if they literally have a degree in Asian studies."

Wow, this turned into a rant about the history of bad "feminist media criticism" on this website. Sorry about that, I think I had a point in here somewhere. I guess that the Bechdel Test is indeed a joke and those origins should be understood, but also, I don't think it's wrong to say that it identifies a real problem and one that people could probably take MORE seriously than they do - but as just one part of the conversation, not the Feminism Litmus Test, and certainly not as a dick-measuring contest about whose fandom gets them more progressive brownie points.

--

I think as long as we grasp that the joke is "The bar is so far under the ground that we might as well go home and eat popcorn there", it's fine.

The real issue with the test is that people started thinking a pass was meaningful.

If you say something like "X% of 2020s movies can't even manage this weaksauce level of women existing", that's a meaningful statistic. Even if you got a couple of data points wrong, you're not factually wrong enough for it to matter because X is going to be some massive, massive percentage, and the overall trend is so clear.

But a pass is nothing to celebrate, and that's where we went wrong.

Like you say, litigating which of two big franchises that barely do anything with women wins on tumblr points is idiocy.

I think people are so unaware of what media that genuinely centers women even looks like that it's hard for them to even begin having a discussion.

I personally have been a massive fujoshi type from adolescence, and media that centers female characters isn't actually what I typically want. (Though media that is by and for women and that doesn't give a fuck what men think of this is.) I am also not much of a fan of slice of life in general...

But when I was coming out and figuring my shit out, being able to go buy collections of Dykes to Watch Out For was incredibly valuable to me.

Ditto the other lesbian comic books that were just sitting there in the bookstore. I'm sure if I went back and reread them all now, I could find things to nitpick or ways they were more for lesbians and less for me as a bi girl, but the really distinctive thing they did was let me exist in a world where media isn't all 80s sausagefest action movies where women are not people.

In fact, they were a world where men don't matter terribly much—not because they're dramatically rejecting men in some facile and reactionary way but because... who cares? They just had other priorities... and this was normal.

It feels like people who've never taken a vacation from really mainstream media just have no concept of what it would feel like to exist in some other space.

And I think that's a pity even if, like me, they later choose to go read mostly BL later instead of focusing on female characters or they genuinely love trash 80s action movies despite everything wrong with them. It's not just sexist media that's the issue: it's that feeling like the fish can't see the water it's swimming in.

[ropes3amthoughts]

I always talk about how much I love Kabru, but I do have some issues with him, specifically regarding his portrayal in both fanon and canon. I went on this huge messy rant earlier to my friends, which I tried to clean up and share here. Sorry if this is like nonsensical or messy. Even though I’m not half asleep (like I usually am when ranting about him lmao), I’m not the most clear when it comes to expressing my thoughts and feelings. I just felt like sharing all this because he’s really taking up space in my brain lmao. I put some images at the bottom so that they would provide helpful visuals but not be disruptive to the overall text, they will have corresponded asterisks (*) to show what part of the rant they refer to.

I would like to start this off with the disclaimer that I do NOT think I understand Kabru better than everybody else (like this is not an “all of you guys are portraying him so bad and nobody gets him like I do and I’m a better author than Ryoko Kui herself” this is more like an “I’ve noticed some things and it kind of bothered me so I felt like talking about it”), I am not transmasc or a transman, and I am not South Asian, so if anything I’m saying is straight up wrong you can tell me. I’m not always the brightest, so feel free to be completely honest and blunt with me, especially if I say something blatantly wrong, inappropriate, or anything like that.

With fandom portrayals, this may be a bit controversial but I have some mixed feelings towards the headcanon of Kabru being transmasc/a transman. I don’t at all hate the transmasc Kabru headcanon, in fact I like transmasc Kabru and think there are plenty of valid reasons to headcanon that, for example: “Kabru isn’t his original name” or “He used to wear a skirt as a child” or “I’m trans and I see some of my experiences in Kabru.” I understand why many people would see him that way, and I don’t at all think it is completely unrealistic or out of character if people to treat him as such. It sometimes makes me feel iffy, however, due to the way some people perceive him.

I feel like a lot of people see Kabru as gender non-confirming/gender neutral, looking like a butch lesbian, or even feminine, when there really isn’t anything indicating this is the case. I feel as if a handful of people headcanon him to be a transman/transmasc due to the fact they perceive him this way, as less masculine/gender neutral/feminine. Again, transman Kabru is not some inherently bad and evil headcanon, but I think the reason it’s so popular is because many people don’t really see Kabru as a “proper” man, which is in part due to racism and transphobia. This is not claiming all people who like the transmasc/transman Kabru headcanon are racist and transphobic by the way, I’m just saying that due to the racist and transphobic biases of some, this headcanon is a lot more appealing than it would be if it were another character being headcanoned this way. This isn’t at all about every single person who has this headcanon, since, like I said in the paragraph before, there are many understandable reasons as to why someone would see him this way, but it really seems to me that since Kabru has like 1 centimeter long eyelashes, he’s a bit shorter than average, and he’s not white, there are some people who don’t really see him as fully masculine, they don’t really see him as a male character, and because of that, they headcanon him as a transman or transmasculine.

I think the way people see him as less masculine absolutely has to do with his race. I’ve seen so many people talk about how WOC, often black women, are perceived as masculine and how MOC, particularly Asian men, are perceived as feminine because they don’t fit the like euro centric standards or whatever they’re called I’m not a professional essayist. What I basically mean is POC are often perceived as feminine or masculine solely due to their racial characteristics that don’t adhere to white standards. I definitely think that being a South Asian man plays into how people perceive Kabru as less masculine. If he was white, would as many people think of him as gnc or fem or transmasc? I personally don’t think so because of the much fewer trans headcanons I have seen for any of the other characters.

I’ve seen a handful of trans headcanons for other characters, mainly Laios being transfem and a little bit of Falin being transmasc, Chilchuck being transmasc, and Izutsumi being non-binary, but none of them are anywhere near as popular as the transmasc Kabru headcanon. Another thing that has me raising my eyebrows is which characters people do and don’t headcanon to be transgender. For example, I’ve seen so many people talk about how Senshi has feminine qualities to him, but I’ve never seen anybody talk about how they think Senshi is trans because of those qualities. In fact, I think I have only seen like one person headcanon Senshi to be trans at all, which is very different than the maybe fifty people I’ve seen headcanon Kabru to be trans. It just makes me wonder why people never headcanon Senshi as trans in contrast to a character like Kabru. Is it because Senshi has a full beard and, despite the several feminine qualities to him that people like to point out, he’s overall perceived as masculine and people only see transman as feminine men-like people? Is it because people feel confident in Senshi’s identity as a man, so there’s no way he could be a transman, but with someone like Kabru he is seen as less manly, so it’s easier to label him as trans? Is it because Senshi’s skin tone is lighter, it makes it easier for people to see him as a “real” man?

You don’t have to see Senshi as trans or anything, I just noticed that Senshi is one of the characters who is headcanoned to be trans the least where Kabru is on the other side of the spectrum and I think it has to do with how people see trans people as not quite men. I think when people see Senshi with his (white) masculine looks, they see him as a “real” and “normal” man, but they see Kabru and think “he looks like a butch girl,” so they headcanon Kabru as trans masculine, but not Senshi because people seem to have some assumption that transmen aren’t “really” men, despite the fact that there are many very masculine transmen out there. Transmen aren’t some quirky little afabs who aren’t really men, they aren’t some sort of better man because they grew up being labeled as a girl. They are men, they are capable of being and looking masculine and they are capable of falling victim to the same harmful thought patterns and behavioral patterns as cismen. Transmen are men and should be regarded as such, not as feminine men-like people, which is why it really irks me with some people headcanon Kabru as a transman because they thought he was a butch lesbian or feminine or anything like that.

Sorry if this sounds angry and accusatory, it just feels like some people think Kabru is trans because they don’t see him as masculine because he isn’t white and also they don’t see transmen as real men. I just really get the feeling sometimes that some people see him as less masculine because he’s Asian and because he’s seen as less masculine it’s easier to put the label of transman on him since so many people tend to think transman are just men-like and not “real” men, or that by applying the label of trans masculine to Kabru, it makes it easier to justify the racial biases that make some people perceive him as feminine because “oh he’s not a girl, he’s just trans” when the reason they see him as girly in the first place is because of his race and the trans headcanon is only being applied because people see him as looking like a girl. Like not only do some people have these subconscious racial biases, they are validating them by applying a weird view of transmasculinity where they see transmen as non masculine men. It just really bugs me to see Kabru be perceived as transmasc because people see him as fem/gn/not quite masculine/man-like or just seeing people perceive him as any of those less masculine ways at all because I think it’s definitely a race thing and Kabru already isn’t even that good of a portrayal of race! It’s just a bit upsetting that some fans aren’t trying to expand on his identity with race where Ryoko Kui fell short and instead perceive him as a “less masculine” transman which is a bit of a weird stereotype in terms of how it regards both Asian men and transmen. Again, not everybody headcanoning this is some malicious racist and transphobe, in fact I think a lot of it is unintentional, but I think those biases definitely affect the way some people perceive Kabru.

More on the topic of Kabru not being a good portrayal of whatever South Asian race he’s supposed to be in canon, I don’t think Kabru is good representation from a racial standpoint (sorry for the sudden topic change). I love his character so much and he is well written from a strictly character lens, and he isn’t at all bad representation or anything like that, but if you asked me for an example of good South Asian representation in media, Kabru’s name wouldn’t cross my mind. Kabru isn’t handled poorly, but he isn’t handled amazingly either.

I’ve seen some people defend how his light eyes are relevant to his backstory and yes they are, but they also never come up again and they don’t come up at all in the main story. They are relevant in his backstory, but that’s only if you read the extra content, so people who only read the manga would not even have this explanation, and they are only brought up twice (it’s mentioned to be the reason Kabru and his mother had to leave home, and it’s brought up in a mini comic as something he’s insecure about), but then it’s never brought up again. I know Ryoko Kui had a lot going on in the story, but I wish it could’ve at least been mentioned or even alluded to in the main story, like maybe even in a throw away line or whatever. Ryoko Kui does this a handful of times, for example, there was that one line about how Maizuru didn’t want Mickbell and Kuro to touch the windows because it would mess up the return spell when they returned to the surface.* Why would touching the windows disrupts the spell? It doesn’t make much sense until you read the extra content explaining that the return spell only works if the house is completely sealed off (doors, windows, etc.) and so if they opened the windows, it would break the return spell, yet Ryoko Kui still put it in the manga! I know Kabru isn’t like the main character and his feelings aren’t the focus of the story, but if Ryoko Kui could allude to and have several vague references to the worldbuilding and character aspects, like the return spell, that are only explained in more depth outside of the manga, I think she totally could’ve put some vague mention of Kabru’s eyes being “monster eyes,” or that Kabru doesn’t like his eyes, or something along those lines. That way, his eyes being light have more relevance and aren’t solely in his backstory that most people won’t even see.

I really wish there was some sort of mention of his eyes in the main manga because I don’t believe that Milsiril telling him there’s perfectly logical reasons for him having blue eyes really cured all of his negative feelings about them. His eyes were the reason he and his mom had to leave home. If he hadn’t had blue eyes his mother probably wouldn’t have been killed in the Utaya incident. Plus she was killed by monsters and Kabru’s eyes were referred to as monster eyes. I don’t think he’s never thought of the connections before, I think he probably feels guilty for his mother’s death even more than he usually would with typical survivor’s guilt. I feel like that insecurity would linger and the concept could have been expanded on more, like making even a small appearance in the main manga, because it is a really interesting bit of backstory, but it really isn’t given as much attention as it could.

Additionally, I have seen some people point out how Kabru isn’t even able to be tied to a specific culture the way several others are. I mean, it’s not a huge problem, because the majority of DunMeshi characters don’t have clear ties to culture or even last names, even a handful of the white characters, but it is a little disappointing that he doesn’t really have a clear connection when other characters are able to given he is one of the few dark skinned characters in the story, who is also rather important, especially since Ryoko Kui had several opportunities to give him a more definite real world race.

He doesn’t necessarily need to have a clear connection to his culture, and it wouldn’t really make sense if had a lot of connection with his culture since he had to leave his original home, then all the people at his second home were slaughtered, and then he had to be moved a third time to the north with the elves, but he easily could have had a more clear connection with a real world culture. It does make sense he has little ties to his original culture, given the aforementioned things and Milsiril’s desire for a proper mother-son relationship between herself and Kabru, despite not properly seeing eye to eye with him, definitely prevented him from being in tune with his culture as he could have been, like in the hometown sweets comic. In the comic, Kabru is going to talk about his hometown sweet, rasgulla, but Milsiril is upset he doesn’t consider elf cake to be his hometown dish, since it implies he doesn’t consider her home to be his home, so he instead embraces elf cake as the dish he talks about to appease her. Back on the topic of real world connections, If Ryoko Kui had let Kabru say like one or two more words before being cut off, she could have easily tied him to a specific place.** Based on Kabru’s namesake (Kabru, a mountain bordering both India and Nepal) and cultural aspects, he’s clearly South Asian, though he seems to be specific to the same region as his namesake (India and Nepal), but it unfortunately isn’t clear. The treat Kabru was going to talk about, however, had different names depending on the region, Rasgulla in India and Rasburi in Nepal, so depending on which name Kabru used for it, Ryoko Kui could’ve confirmed exactly which place of origin he’s meant to be from, but she did not. I’m just a bit disappointed that Ryoko Kui had the potential to tie him to a specific country, but didn’t.

I feel like Kabru could’ve had a little more cultural aspects in general, especially when compared to other characters. For example, Marcille is clearly meant to be Italian. She never says “I’m Italian” but people can easily infer it by her hometown dish because Ryoko Kui is specific with her hometown dish. When Izutsumi asks if Laios and Senshi made the right thing, she lists examples of Italian dishes, and their are even little images are provided.*** Like I said earlier, the treat from Kabru’s hometown could’ve been named, but Kabru also has a moment where he talks about a dish from his hometown: lamb stew, however Ryoko Kui doesn’t go into any specifics about it! She could’ve made Kabru list some of the ingredients that were missing from the lamb stew, or show a small visual, like a flashback or Kabru visualizing what the dish would look like, similar to the way visuals were provided by Izutsumi when talking about Marcille’s hometown dish, to help give a better idea as to what exactly Kabru’s mother made for him and to help pinpoint where he’s from, but Ryoko Kui did not do that. She could’ve even given it a more specific name, like how Izutsumi lists specifically Italian named dishes when on the topic of Marcille’s hometown dish, but Ryoko Kui did not do that either, leaving only a vague hometown sweet and a vague lamb stew that didn’t even have the proper ingredients. I don’t think Kabru was a character Ryoko Kui made carelessly, I think she definitely put a lot of care into crafting his character, but I think she could have put a little more care into his race. I just think there could’ve been a little more specific details to things like the hometown dishes or Kabru’s Utaya flashbacks could’ve had more specific architecture, outfits, monsters (yes, even monsters, since those can have inspirations from certain cultures, like with the Eastern Dragon), etc. that would indicate the exact region/culture he’s meant to be from. I think Ryoko Kui could’ve easily confirmed whether he was Indian or Nepali with just a few more specific details and I can’t help but be disappointed that she didn’t.

I don’t at all think Kabru is some egregious racist orientalist caricature or anything like that, but I do think Ryoko Kui could’ve made him a little more specific to a certain culture rather than leaving him ambiguous to a certain region. I also think she could’ve made his eyes have a more prevalent reason to be light and not have just it as a backstory thing that never comes up in the manga. Kabru really isn’t a bad character in terms of character writing or race, he I think he just isn’t that good representation of whatever culture he’s meant to represent, since he is somewhat vague South Asian representation and not firmly Indian or Nepali, when characters like Toshiro are clearly Japanese.

Ok, I’m kind of sidetracked at this point, but I have so many feelings about a ton of different subjects. This kind of switches over to race in Dungeon Meshi in general. This is a bit of a messy paragraph, but I wasn’t quite sure how to word it better. I think Ryoko Kui could’ve drawn him with more idk the word prominent(?) features? Idk how to describe it that well but like he’s meant to have visible lips, and they appear sometimes, but not that often. Also, his hair really isn’t that curly. Ryoko Kui definitely changed the way she drew him over time, but his hair isn’t like curly-curly isn’t like semi-curly like it definitely isn’t straight but it isn’t really curly y’know what I mean?

I wish Ryoko Kui could’ve done a little more with her representation in general because while she does have representation it isn’t that good. It’s not bad by any means, and her work is a lot more diverse than many others, but her representation isn’t the best is what I mean. I saw a rant about it, which did a way better job of putting this into intelligible words than I could, about how Ryoko Kui has surface level representation, with very few dark skin characters, almost all of them being side characters, the only plus sized characters being the Orcs, who are pig-like Demi-humans, and the only canonical queer character (Otta, who’s butch and sapphic) being a side character who is also perceived as a pedo and she’s a human trafficker. I think these are valid to be upset about because while Ryoko Kui does have more representation than most, a lot of it definitely could’ve been handled better. I can’t remember if the person said this, but I want to complain about hair some more about hair. Cithis is meant to be black, right? Her hair is totally straight, and there are black people with straight hair, but I wish she had a different hair type, given that she is like the only black character in Dungeon Meshi (I’m unsure what Thistle, Kaka, and Kiki are supposed to be, and I don’t think the elves with obsidian skin count, but I’m pretty sure Cithis is meant to be a black girl). I know she’s an elf and they have some oddities to their appearances, like the obsidian skin, but like could Cithis have at least gotten a some hair texture or a neat hair style 💔 maybe I’m just being a whiny little baby but I would’ve loved to see some more diversity with hair types, especially since hair is important with its ties to magic and such.

I do really love Dungeon Meshi and it is more diverse than most things but it’s like flawed? Y’know? I mean I don’t expect it to be perfect but I wish it was handled better especially with Kabru (lmao finally circling back to him here) because I do love him so much and I wish there was just some more thought put into the specifics of his race and such. I do think Dungeon Meshi is an incredible work, but I think it is lacking in several areas, especially when it comes to characters of color like Kabru.

TLDR: I think some fans think Kabru is effeminate due to his identity as an Asian man and their subconscious racial biases and, because they see him as effeminate, they tend to headcanon him as a transman or transmasc. These fans also don’t see transmen as real men, but rather as man-like/feminine men/butch women, which is why they associate it with Kabru, whom they perceive similarly. More on his identity as an Asian man, Ryoko Kui gives us good stuff, but not as good as it could’ve been, so Kabru, though he isn’t bad representation, isn’t very good South Asian representation due to the lack of clarity regarding his real world race. Ryoko Kui is actually a bit lackluster with all of her representation, which is a huge shame since I love Dungeon Meshi and Kabru’s character. I think if she put in a bit more detail into things like Kabru’s hometown food and put Kabru’s reason for having light eyes directly into the manga, even if it is just a throw away line, Kabru could’ve been a lot better in terms of the way his race is handled, since it isn’t even clear whether he is Indian or Nepali, just South Asian in general. Sorry that this summary is so long I am trying to condense like twenty paragraphs into just one.

Sorry for this absolute yapfest lmao. I have a ton of thoughts about Kabru, the way he’s portrayed in fanon, the way Ryoko Kui writes him, and the way race is treated in Dungeon Meshi as a whole. Again, if you have any critiques for my rant feel free to share! Thanks to anybody who actually reads this whole thing! I’d be happy to hear your thoughts about it!

* This is explained a little, but you don’t really understand why windows mess up the spell until you read the extra info on it. Kabru easily could’ve had a small reference to his eyes that are only properly expanded on in outside content, similarly to this example here.

** Demonstration of how putting a few more words could’ve easily given Kabru a clear connection to real world culture instead of leaving it vague.

*** Italian dishes are named and visually shown for Marcille’s hometown dish. Meanwhile Kabru’s memories of the dish, the ingredients of the dish, and what the dish was meant to look like were not provided/gone into detail. A missed opportunity 💔

[comradekarin]

I saw your Beyonce/Taylor Swift post and What's wrong with "comparing two queens that are killing it". line? Isn't that what it comes down to with female artists? Why can't we just appreciate all female artists instead of the competitions?

I’m going to take this as you asking this question in good faith so here’s the short answer: No. There is nothing inherently wrong with that statement, and depending on the context, I agree with it. But here’s the long answer:

A lot of fandoms do take it upon themselves to start unnecessary, unprovoked beef between artists, especially female artists of color (i.e the Cardi and Nicki drama), consequently ruining the love a lot of people have for those artists. However, the Taylor and Beyoncè comparisons have a few problems I want to address that aren’t actually new when talking about female artists of color and their white counterparts. Firstly, the whole comparisons only started because of the uptick of insufferable swifties online discrediting all of the work, effort, and impact Beyoncé has had on people before and today (and Beyoncé fans are simply responding to these ridiculous claims). Secondly, swifties also have a strange tendency to compare her exclusively to objectively better black artists (Beyoncé, Prince, Michael Jackson, Whitney Houston, and more) by diminishing their work and influence in order to prop her up. Noticeable so, they never really do this with Taylor’s fellow white peers. It begs the question: Why do so many swifties feel the need to put Taylor on a pedestal by discrediting arguably more popular, influential black and queer artists? While I do agree with the notion that female artists should be celebrated and giving the props they deserve, we can no longer pretend that black artists like Beyoncé don’t have to give twice the effort, twice the dedication, twice the energy, and twice the style in order to be given their credit. Meanwhile, an artist like Taylor is rewarded and worshiped for her white mediocrity and performance activism, never really pressured to perform to the degree other black artists are expected to, or forced to show allyship when it really matters. So for her fans to degrade Beyoncé’s high quality vocals, performance, and production—which has been consistent and improving over the years—and be rightfully told off just to resort to the corny “let’s just celebrate all women” is, in my eyes, the epitome of white feminism.

Taylor’s fans have even admitted that she isn’t the best singer, only marketing herself as a good “songwriter”. Ok, so an artist that can’t sing that well, can’t dance, has easily replicable lyrics we could get from other Indie artists, and has a very specific demographic as her fans is someone to be considered a legend? How is this considered the standard but influential black legends’ work are downplayed and diminished? Why does it hurt swifties to see black women be given their credit? Why does Taylor have to be included in every conversation (I.e the Lizzo situation at the Grammy’s where Taylor Swift fans took Lizzo’s appreciation for Beyoncé as hatred for Taylor or Beyoncé’s success on the renaissance tour being overshadowed by the eras tour). And when called out on this, why do her stans resort back to the fake “just support all women” take?

It’s why I can’t really stand by that one post up here that states we shouldn’t debate over female artists because at the end of the day, “they’re all female artists subjected to the harsh lens of the patriarchy.” That statement ignores the intersectionality present in the topic of female artists’ treatment in the industry. It ignores how the expectations of white female artists more than often than not tend to be different for woc artists. I see the “let’s just all get along” saying as a way to deflect from the valid criticism and complaints people of color have for white artists like Taylor Swift. And considering how Taylor’s online brand is playing victim and being the poor innocent white girl whenever she is called out on something, the behavior her stans exhibit are nothing out of the ordinary.

In summary, I don’t think comparisons between female artists are needed. Especially female artists in entirely different genres of music and style. But I do know a lot white Taylor Swift fans love to play the racism card and then hide behind misogyny to cover their tracks. Once again, something Taylor herself does WELL.

[bratzforchris]

hey y'all...i've been thinking about what to write for this post for a while, and i think i've finally figured it out so here it is! first of all, i am not quitting. i love you guys and the little community we've built here too much to do that<3 however, i am about to become increasingly more busy than i have been in the past. i'm transferring to a new university that is much farther from home, have a possible internship lined up, and will be going through chronic illness treatment, all while managing my junior year of college and a long distance relationship. that being said, my writing is definitely going to hit an all time low for content output here in the coming weeks. i love the triplets/jake and johnnie/sam and colby so, so much, but i'm in a different place in my life than i was when i started writing in march. i am so much happier than i used to be, and that's led to me having a life outside of the internet.

i'll still pop on here to answer inbox messages, put out blurbs and headcanons here and there, and talk to my friends, but i won't be anywhere near the activity level you guys usually see from me. every person i've met on here has made an incredible difference in my life, big and small. i cannot thank y'all enough for supporting me, especially as a neurodivergent, chronically ill WOC. my account will remain up for now, however, i do not condone the reposting of any of my works on ANY other accout.

thank y'all so much for everything. here's to bigger and better, y'all<3

[lillifaba]

My thoughts on the Wicked movie teaser trailer... so far.

Before you pop off in my replies and reblogs yes I know, this is just a teaser trailer and not the official tralier. Regardless that doesn't give this movie a magical critique pass. Most of my critques on this teaser come from my own thoughts and some of points raised in this post. This is also just me rambling into the void. Don't like don't read lmao.

If you've been following me for a while, then you already know my opinion on the Wicked movie and casting. Surprise surprise, you guessed it... I am extremely underwhelmed and disappointed. For so many reasons.

I'll start off with some things I like.

Johnathan Bailey is hot asf as Fiyero. (even if he looks way older than Fiyero is canonically meant to be)

The set and props. I think some of them actually look pretty neat. I'm glad they didn't use a green screen for Shiz and put in the effort to build a university campus. The train from Shiz to Oz looks kinda dope. I was always wondering what it would look like and I'll probably use that as inspiration for my fics and art comms.

Jeff Goldblum as The Wizard. I won't lie, I haven't seen a lot of movies with Jeff in them so I was cautious about his casting. However, I was pleasantly surprised to see how much his look and his performance so far actually fits Oscar. Time will tell if he can hold up to those standards.

I'm happy a WOC is playing Elphaba. Everyone complains about Fiyero not being racially book accurate but nobody talks enough about Elphaba being discriminated against as an amalgamation for rac!sm. More women of color should play her on stage.

THE NAILSSSS. Come on people this is the Wicked Witch of the West we're talking about she should be SERVING WITH THOSE CLAWS! Although personally I would've preferred them sharp but I'm over here with almond arylics what do I know lol.

I'm happy they casted a disabled actress to play Nessa. I always wondered why they never did that.

With that out of the way, let's get into a million reasons why I hated this trailer and why I'll most likely hate the movie anyways.

Arianna as Glinda. Look, I don't hate Ari. I like some of her songs and even bought some of her perfumes because I like smelling good. At worst I just don't care about her. However whenever I see Arianna as Glinda, I'm sorry I just don't see Glinda, I see ARIANNA GRANDE dressed in last minute cosplay for a Halloween party. I heard one line... ONE LINE from her and the delivery is NOTHING like Glinda's character or cadence, it's just Ari in drama class.

The wigs and costumes. What the hell was the makeup and hair crew thinking when they selected that wig for Arianna???? It's an ashy dull blonde that brings no color or life to the character. The #1 thing about Glinda is her vibrant blonde hair, it's even mentioned IN THE SONGS. MULTIPLE TIMES. This wig looks like a botched bleach job. Then, there's the costumes. Good lord what are those glasses on Elphaba's face??? I get they're trying to be all "whimsy" and "peculiar" in tone with WOZ, but they just look silly. Why not stick to the glasses in the musical? Why overdo it? I fear how the Emerald City sunglasses will look (if they even add those in) Also why are Glinda's clothes so dull? Where's the vibrance? Where's the pink frilly coquette contrast to Elphaba's dark coquette?

The camera work and Elphaba's entrance. This is Wicked the musical. I'm expecting a huge and grandiose presentation, especially when it comes to THE MAIN CHARACTER. Showing Elphaba from the back of her head in slow motion while she's walking to the entrance is just... boring and an overused cliche. Not to mention the underwhelming reactions from the extras. The cinematography is just meh. I'm expecting better for a fantasy film. It's been done before.

Cynthia as Elphaba. Listen, Cynthia is a great singer and talented actress. I have absolutely nothing against her. With that being said I'm going to be brutally honest: much like Arianna, she is not Elphaba... at least not entirely. Like Johnathan, Cynthia is way older than Elphaba is meant to be canonically and the editing team clearly used the de-aging filter on her to the point where it looks unnatural. If this movie had been made at least five years ago or earlier Cynthia would've fit perfectly.

Continuing my point with Cynthia: the singing. I'm sorry but what the hell was that riff with Defying Gravity??? I'm not entirely blaming Cynthia for this because this has become a massive problem with a lot of musical film adaptations which I like to call the popification of songs. It happens in nearly all the live-action Disney movies and I'm sick of it. What confuses me is STEPHEN FUCKING SCHWARTZ is involved in the musical production. He wrote the god damn songs, how the hell does he not direct Cynthia to sing the right note instead of letting her do whatever she wants??? I don't think he did that with Idina, which is why this riff is so iconic. Come on, if a tiktok meme trend can do that riff better and more accurately than an actual singer can, that's just embarrassing. I'm not good at explaining myself in terms of singing, so I'm hoping a youtuber I occassionally watch does a reaction video to the trailer and does a better job at explaining than I can.

The acting. Like I said with Arianna, the delivery is so bland and dry. I'm trying not to judge all of the acting on a teaser trailer but if this is how the leads are going to act throughout the whole movie then I'm disappointed.

Too much CGI in some parts. I get it. This is a fantasy movie there's bound to be certain effects you can't do practically. But that's no excuse when this is a $145 million dollar movie. The flying monkeys are so painfully obvious CGI. This was a wasted chance to get Doug Motherfucking Jones to play Chistery in prosthetics. So much of this movie ends up looking like those garbage Oz spinoffs. (If you know you know) The CGI is just bad. The bubble and Emerald City buildings look so cheap.

WHY IS THIS MOVIE SO DARK? This is suppossed to be OZ! Why do I have to turn up my brightness to look into the shadow realm???

Now onto some things I'm confused about.

Michelle Yeoh as Madame Morrible. I'm praying to god she'll blow us away because she's such a good actress and is serving c*nt in her costumes. I haven't heard her sing (I'm dumb but unless the opera song she sang in EEAAO was her then WOW!)

The silver slippers. I KNOW! I KNOW! The ruby slippers are copyrighted and can't be thrown in all nilly willy wherever you please. But keep in mind this is a 145 MILLION DOLLAR MOVIE ALL FOR PART ONE. Do not tell me they couldn't shill a few extra bucks on signing a few contracts. AND YES I KNOW. The musical uses the silver slippers in the first act in ode to the L. Frank Baum books which I love, but don't forget, they turn red when Elphaba enchants them to give Nessa the ability to walk. Dorothy shows up after Nessa is killed and has her shoes stolen. Why aren't they red now? Not to mention most of the audience might not know the original slippers in the books were silver. This would've been a great chance to combine two different canons.

WHO IS PLAYING DR. DILLAMOND???? ifitisjamescordenandyouusecrappycgiiwillgotoyourhousejohnchuand-

Finally, why did John Chu absolutely insist on this being a two parter movie with a year long intermission? Is this shit show really that fantastical that it can be akin to Kill Bill part 1 and 2?

That's pretty much it for now but expect an update to this post with a reblog with updated thoughts when an official trailer drops. My mind probably won't change though. I'm totalllllyyy not considering pulling an Eddy Burback sneaking into Morbius for a week when this movie comes out lol.

Universal Studios and AMC theaters that was a joke please for the love of god do not send Nicole Kidman after me.

[qqueenofhades]

as a woc (who is south asian, so i share that with harris), it's deeply upsetting to me that......nothing she could do would be right. i see people wondering why she isn't doing more, but then she does something, and then those same people pick that thing apart and tear her to pieces and it really does go to show that nothing we ever do will be "right".

i have yet to see criticism of her specifically that doesn't boil down to racism or misogyny (or a combination of both), and it's frustrating, especially in leftist spaces, because i do want to think critically and have conversations about what she's doing right and what she (and the administration as a whole) could improve upon, but i feel like i can't start or participate in those conversations without dealing with that same racism + misogyny. and this isn't even getting into the gop, this is about people who call themselves progressive/leftist/whatever. so much effort goes into maintaining the idea that they're better than the right, but i don't see nearly as much effort put into.....being better tbh

Unfortunately, among all their other problems, Online Leftists are a) often just as likely to be racist and misogynist as the GOP, and b) to strenuously deny that they are, weaponize that language in bad faith against people or candidates they dislike, and otherwise parrot abstract "social justice" talking points and Progressive Jargon while being absolutely noxious to the real, actual people that are involved. They do, as you say, assume they are Morally Righteous, and then don't actually interrogate that or question it in any way. So.... yeah. Yeah, pretty much. As I've said before and will say again, they are an absolute failure as any kind of practical or effective opposing force to right-wing fascism, and often inadvertently or even deliberately enable it in deeply disappointing ways.

It's funny that in all my posts/answers on the topic, I stated multiple times that if people could provide me an actual reason that made empirical sense as to why they didn't like Kamala, I was happy to have that discussion. Instead I got a lot of weird angry asks from people clearly still trying to justify their Hillary Clinton Derangement Syndrome (I only answered one of them because I have better things to do with my life), accusing me of being "emotional," "angry," "trauma-dumping" and God knows what else. And like. I'm sorry that pointing out a clearly verifiable fact (misogyny is what doomed HRC, anti-Obama backlash/racism was what enabled Trump) triggered y'all to that degree, but I think that fact is pretty illuminating on its own. And no, actually, I don't have to "get over" HRC's loss or "just accept" that people had "reasons" (conveniently never articulated, but they were real! They totally weren't misogyny! PEOPLE HAD REAL REASONS FOR NOT LIKING HER WHY WON'T YOU BELIEVE ME AND ACCEPT THAT!!!) for disliking her and/or not voting for her when her opponent was Donald F'n Trump. Like, I know they live in the magical realm of the Permanently Online where the real world suffers no consequences from their bullshit and the argument about why 2016 was not their fault changes daily, but that's not the case with us here on Earth. And yeah, we're pretty mad.

Kamala has, in my view, been doing a perfectly fine job as the vice president. She has been able to give a few powerful and relevant speeches about race relations, gun violence, abortion, and other topics. I occasionally see news articles from "anonymous sources" who "don't like her" or want to cause trouble for whatever reason, which I treat with the usual degree of skepticism that I employ when reading anything the mainstream media writes about Democrats (which is then repurposed and reused in the Online Leftists' "Democrats Terrible!" screeds in equally bad faith). Yet again, I repeat my offer for anyone who wants to complain about her for an actual and clearly articulated reason to explain what that reason is and why it's not a double standard, why it's not attributable to racism and misogyny (even and especially the unacknowledged sort), what they expect she should be doing differently, and why this is any kind of big deal for the actual mainstream electorate. But judging from previous experience, this will just trigger another round of anonymous WE HAVE GOOD REASONS FOR NOT LIKING HER!!! whines with cheese, and to that I say, yeah, don't even waste your time.

[sukibenders]

TBOSAS movie is proving time and time again that as long the character is a handsome white man, he can get away with anything or be babified of any wrongdoing. Like the number of people that I've seen go out of their way to try and justify Snow's actions, not even just young Snow anymore at this point but he's largely where this happens, using the term "he was just misunderstood" and acting as if his trauma was an excuse is mind-blowing. Did he go through traumatic stuff? Yes, but acting as if that excuses many of his actions, specifically for young Snow because there's no way in hell that mindset will work even a fraction with his older self (but people still try), is false and a mindset that needs to be stopped. Like I can't help but think about the way he views the people of the districts already in TBOSAS, seeing them and anything about them as animals rather than people, and how that mindset even falls on to the Covey and Lucy Gray herself. When reading some of their scenes together he comes off so passive aggressive when she talks about her plight, but it's largely because he treats her like an object---no, a PRIZE to be won and owned (thinking back to how, before they were even together romantically and where she didn't owe him shit, he still saw her as "his girl" and would get obsessive over the fact that others gravitated to her in a way he didn't like).

I'm not saying that it's wrong to find the bad guy attractive, it's not and Snow is very handsome, I will admit that. But just because he got a face card doesn't mean that should be basis for justifying every horrendous act he's done. And also, he's eighteen years old, why are people acting like he doesn't know his right from his left? He knows exactly what he's doing, from the books where his thoughts are literally laid out for us, to the movie itself. Though not as clear cut sometimes as the books, there are plenty scenes that let you know who he is (I think back to that classroom scene where Gaul is asking them questions, and Sejanus rightfully calls them out on their bs, but Snow uses his outrage and turns it into a way to make the Games better, completely going against Sejanus' original point).

What's even more sinister is some in the fandom going as far as to blame Lucy Gray for all of Snow's problems by saying "oh, but if she had just heard him out then maybe he wouldn't have been so heartbroken", as if she should had further risked her life and wellbeing to adhere to this man's needs when he was out to harm her or the fact that him having his heartbroken is justification for everything else he did before and after. There are many other examples of this, but it set a precedent for a very glaring problem in fandom spaces where the female character, especially if they are woc, is always to blame for the male, usually white, character's bad actions and that if they just listened to them and heard them out then so on and so on. Reminds me very much of the treatment of Alina in both show and books fandom spaces and babifying of the Darkling's actions by putting all the blame on her (never mind the fact that he's the cause for so much of her trauma, he's pretty after all *this was sarcasm*).

It's been a minute since I've seen the movie, so my example may be a little fuzzy, but my point still stands. You can like these characters and find them attractive, that's fine and normal. But where problems arise is when you try to paint over their bad acts because you thirst after them and/or proceed to place blame on the female characters, especially if they are woc, as a scapegoat.