#do not have much to post sorry!! been recovering from surgery :-)

[turboemmy]

[thereisnofood]

it is insane to me the amount of trans people that barely know anything more than surface level info about SRS. like i see transmascs criticize meta and phallo and complaining about how theyre ""the only two options "" while not actually knowing about how many techniques and variations there are, for each of those surgeries, depending on an individuals wants/needs. someone on twitter was describing their ideal surgery as if it didnt exist, like they straight up described extended metoidioplasty to a tee and they have no fucking idea that thats a thing you can do. like bro spend any time at all reading posts from post-op trans people and surgeons im begging you

[tony-andonuts]

I think ive decided to go to my dads funeral in a dress, despite his super conservative mentees. He'd likely expect it from me and luckily his side of the fam are all faggots and trannies but ughhhhh i am dreading it. Also I know I'm expected to come up with a eulogy and a roast segment, along with talking to others but I can't and won't. (On a semi-non-seious note the eulogy i cant do bc yknow. And the roast because im too cutthroat and would start drama lmao)

Probably obvious that I've never attended a funeral for someone I actually knew but this shit fucking sucks, no one should have to be prepared for their own parent's funeral at 21

(And no one should have to get neglected by the healthcare system to the point of death but oh well it already happened)

[celticcrossanon]

Hello Celta, it may sound a mean and an unpopular opinion. But I’m wondering if Charles is using his cancer diagnosis to push for certain outcomes he’s desired all along.

Firstly, it’s been discussed and you’ve seen in your cards that Charles wanted Camilla to co-rule with him, and he was not able to make it happen at the coronation. Now with his cancer diagnosis he seems to be pushing Camilla to “lead” the family. Witness yesterday’s service which looked like a huge PR disaster where Andrew and Sarah came out ahead of everyone else. It’s not a good look, I doubt Charles was aiming for that outcome (more on that below). Next up, there’s a rumour or it’s been announced that Camilla will be leading The Commonwealth Service in March. If that’s true, he’s putting Camilla ahead of the heir, his own son. Very Game of Thrones. Then there’s all this PR is about Camilla saving the monarchy. He seems to be deliberately pushing for Camilla to stand in for him through all this, while William is right there. And then his press will turn around and say, William is unwilling or reluctant or flat out doesn’t want to step up. It’s Machiavellian.

Secondly, I believe Charles was hoping for the money shot of William walking slightly ahead of Andrew out of the service yesterday. It seems that’s what he was hoping for. So that when the talk of Harry coming back ramps up again, as it will inevitably, he could through his PR turn around and say, hey, you’ve no trouble accepting Andrew back, look at these photos of you and him together, why not Harry? We saw the photos of the Wales in the car with Andrew, dint you think he’s capable of manipulating further opportunities? He’ll say Don’t you now I’m sick with cancer? Why can’t you make my last remaining years peaceful by giving me what I want? Namely my snake of a son, with or without his snake wife, at my side with my dying breath?

Thirdly, he’s using his cancer for positive PR, he’s enjoying the bump up in popularity since his diagnosis and wats it to continue. All those photos of him reading get well cards, and getting tearful about it. It makes him a sympathetic figure and he’s milking it. It’s despicable and low down. Him greeting the PM Sunack and saying oh all these cards and letters, awwww they bring me to tears. Can you ever imagine a sovereign such as HTMQ making such a statement to a politician??? I know she’s from a different generation, but my goodness. Our late queen had a dignity no one can deny. She bore her trails with such stoicism, and reserved her tears for when she was alone or with family. It’s makes me so angry to see him portray himself weak and vulnerable simply for the despicable way he treated Diana. Where was his empathy and thoughtfulness when he was dealing with a much younger wife and mother? He was busy plotting and planning with Camilla to show this side to Diana. Seems he only reserves the right to feel sorry for himself and no one else. Instead of me seeing him as sympathetic, I see cunning and manipulation. What a manipulative a-hole.

Wow that took a turn I did not expect, but while I’m sorry he’s got a disease he’s dealing with, he should not be using it to further denigrate his heir, and manipulate others into giving him what he truly wants. I fear that’s what Charles is doing.

Hi Anonymous Retired,

I am posting this before it vanishes on me again and I will come back and edit with my reply.

I would not put it past the King to use his cancer diagnosis to further his own agendas, unfortunately. I don't like saying that but after my past two readings I would not put anything past him.

I can see the King using this to push the Queen into a role that is fitting for a co-ruler and not a Queen Consort (which is the same role that Prince Philip occupied as Prince Consort). What complicates it for me is that while Prince William is right there, he is also dealing with his wife recovering from surgery and having to be there for his three young children. So yes, I can see the pushing of Camilla, but I am also grateful for it in a way as it frees up Prince William to be with his family more than if he was standing in for the King. The crunch will come when Princess Catherine is recovered and Prince William is back to full time royal duties. If the King is still unwell as this stage, as I expect he will be, then the proper thing to do would be for the Queen Consort to take a step backwards and the The Prince of Wales to step in for The King. I can't see that happening, but I could be surprised.

You were spot on about the money shot, as per my reading of today. I also believe that King Charles would use emotional manipulation like you suggest, as we have seen him do it before. This time, I think that William will stand up to him and say No, which will be hard to do but very much worth it in the end.

I think that so far the King remarking on the cards and showing the video of himself reading them has been nice. Those are the only two pieces of PR I have seen. If I see more, or if the illness card is played in articles for sympathy, then I will absolutely think he is suing his diagnosis for good PR. As you said, I think the King reserves his sympathy for himself and perhaps for people that he currently likes (I could be wrong about this). He certainly is not showing the dignity that was such a characteristic of Her Late Majesty, in my opinion anyway. It could just be that he doesn't want to be as stoic as his mother, or that he is trying to show his appreciation, or something. I am more than usually annoyed at him at the moment so I'm not the best person to ask. :)

The King should not be using his disease as a manipulation tactic, I agree. Unfortunately, people do it all the time, from the sick child asking for extra ice cream 'because they are sick' upwards. All you can do is recognise it and do your best not to let it influence your judgement of the matter. It is unbecoming of the monarch to behave in such a manner (and I am still undecided as to whether he is doing this consciously or not), but if he decides to act like that people will see through it eventually and then he will face the consequences.

[cinnbar-bun]

AHH HI!!!! i am so sorry this is such a self indulgent request but ;w; perhaps a short fluffy weather x reader for a reader who is getting surgery soon and is nervous? AHHH no worries if not please don't worry at all if your requests are full or anything like that!!!!!

A/n: Of course, my darling! Please enjoy!

Weather Report Comforting a Reader Getting Surgery

Rating: SFW

Word Count: ~.7k

Notes: Reader is GN! Not particularly specified pre! or post!amnesia WR. WR's name is not used. Of course, this is related to surgery so there are talks of procedures or being in the hospital. Overall fluffy <3

He knows you’re extra nervous about the idea of having surgery. It’s understandable, really. And even if you weren’t nervous, he’d totally be by your side supporting you. 

He likes to go online or read books about the procedure that you’ll be doing, for peace of mind for himself and you (he finds he is a lot calmer when he understands just what to expect and what will happen to you). This does lead to him looking up the best ways to care for you afterwards, which he is especially taking note of. 

He is going to be your big rock during the ordeal. Because he spent so much time researching and going through the possibilities of what could occur, he’s much more relaxed and able to articulate himself better. He feels less worried and tries to walk you through what will happen, and what he’ll do to cheer you up and care for you while you’re recovering. 

Weather might even suggest taking you out to get your favorite things or other supplies you all will need after the surgery is completed. If preparation helps soothe your head, he’s up for it. 

Well, he won’t really make mention of this, but he’s kinda happy you’re looking to him for comfort and that you’ll be relying on him. He’s always been a devoted man to you, and he likes that you desire his company. It makes him feel ‘useful’ to you and proud that you chose him over others to help. 

Weather didn’t exactly say he was a complete ‘good’ guy, you know? He does have a bit of a streak within him. 

Selfish thoughts aside, Weather is completely dedicated to spoiling you rotten and doing what needs to be done. It doesn’t matter if you even wake him up at two in the morning asking him for water, he’ll do it. He won’t even make a face, he will happily do as you ask in order to provide you a bit of comfort and ease while you rest. 

He would not be nervous during the surgery. Don’t worry, Weather isn’t exactly planning on electrocuting any staff anytime soon. He trusts them to do their job, especially once he knows what will happen. He will instead quietly stick to reading the channel guides or some random magazine in the lobby. 

He’s patient enough, after all, this concerns you and he’s focused on how you are doing. So he’ll stay waiting for as long as he can, even if the staff tries to kick him out. His back is killing and he’s exhausted, but for you, he will wait longer. Don’t even question that, dear. 

This did not occur to weather, but once he saw some other people waiting to visit the patients with balloons or flowers, he realized you’d probably like something to wake up to as well. 

It all depends on what you like, but if you like the usual teddy bear or bouquet of flowers, he’ll buy a big one and rest it against the table for you. 

But if you don’t like those gifts or prefer something else, chances are, he already knows, so he’s going to buy you your preferred gift to cheer you up. 

If asked why he bought a gift, he just looks at you with a cheeky grin and shrugs, insisting you shouldn’t think so hard about it and just enjoy it. After all, you’re his partner, you know? Isn’t it only natural that he of all people is spoiling you? Now, stop questioning it, silly, you have to recover. 

And also, this weather girl is reporting a 99% chance of cuddles and a barrage of kisses from Weather to you. Grab your finest blanket and find the nearest comfiest spot in the house to ensure maximum affection from your lover. These conditions shall persist for the duration of your recovery, and perhaps forever, if you’ll allow it <3.

[spectralsleuth]

Now that we're entering into 2024, I'm asking some artists and writers that I follow:

1) What is the one piece you're most proud of from this past year?

2) What are some pieces that you would have liked more people to see? If you can include links, I'd love to go check them out!

3) What were your top three favorite pieces (art, comics, fics, etc) that someone else has made this past year?

(As always, no pressure to respond! Feel free to just ignore, or let me know if you'd rather I not send you these kinds of asks in the future.)

This is such a sweet and fun ask!! Thanks so much! I enjoyed seeing other authors answering this it’s so hype to get it myself.

1. This is hard to answer, because this year I tried to do something different with every fic I posted. When I got a concept I very pointedly didn’t shy away from it because it seemed difficult, or I thought I might be bad at it, so there’s something that makes me proud with each one. IF I HAD TO CHOOSE THOUGH I’m going to cheat and pick two.

What it Will Be I’m proud of this because it fell out of me SO EASY. I felt like the process of writing it was a testament to how hard I’ve been working at improving all year, and it came together very quickly and very well. I’m also proud because I incorporated @heckitall ‘s comic page to base it off of, and I’d never tried writing fic for a visual media like that. It was super fun!

On the OTHER end of the spectrum is Case of the Hidden City vs Lou Jitsu because it is VERY technically and narratively complicated and is by far the most ambitious thing I’ve ever written. It’s very hard, but I am VERY proud because I haven’t QUIT it. It’s not complete yet, but it is a good amount of the way there and I’m excited to finish it. Probably once I’ve recovered from surgery lol.

2. This sounds insincere maybe, but I really am happy with the engagement I get on my fic. I really do write my fic for me, and while I love to make sure as many people who want to read it can find it, at the end of the day I don’t like assigning people homework! I went through my whole works list and scratched my head and really tried to think of there was anything I wanted to plug, and I don’t think there is!

I guess I’ll post my lowest viewed, my Swanatello fic! @tangledinink ‘s AU I’m sure everyone’s familiar with lol. I knew that one would be lower when I posted it, if only because it has prior required reading (Swanatello). But I wrote it mainly because the AU was starting to reach a critical point and I REALLY wanted to write fanfiction of how I fantasized an ending might be, so I could go back and read it for comfort. I love Odette and the lore Kayson made for his AU, so I’ll plug this only because I think some people may have missed it!

3. Three works!! JUST THREE?? AUGH.

little kid with a big death wish

By @remedyturtles ! This made me leak tears the whole way through, so huge CW’s obviously. Not only was it one of the best fics I’ve ever read, but I got the privilege of seeing how talented Rem is behind the scenes a little and saw how they write and work and I really want to emulate them going forward. One of many all timer fics for me, for sure, I’d love to read any original fiction they put out.

The Whispering Forest and Other Tales

By @sroloc--elbisivni and @kithnkin ! I love love LOVE the feudal Japan fusion, the research, and the perfect blend of Usagi Yojimbo’s universe with what the Riseverse would have been like in this era. Even the little segues into what they’re wearing and eating is endlessly fascinating to me. Every single character is written to be the best and most interesting version of that character I could imagine. Theres Leosagi, there’s a PB&J murder mystery, there’s spookiness- AND Raphael Hamato gets wifed up!! WHAT MORE COULD YOU WANT? I love people that write a fully fleshed story that could be a standalone universe, without losing ANY of the flavor or humor or narrative of the original source material.

And last is I’m Sorry, Teenage Mutant What Now

@tangledinink has such a good grasp of family and writing, and realistic portrayals of what would HONESTLY HAPPEN if you discovered literally any aspect of the ROTTMNT narrative. Not even taking into ACCOUNT the turtle nonsense, how do you unpack a family that’s been devoted to destroying a magic monster and sacrificing themselves, or a Dad that fought in a death match battle royale for over a decade, or a RIVAL CLAN OF NINJA? All the characters are written SO WELL, and Kayson does a fantastic job of never letting the characters or story fall into cliche tropes. Their characters are always super detailed, to the point where I really feel it if they’re hungry or hurt or itchy. Which is a weird thing to point out but they make sure you really FEEL the situation. Also like, turtles in highschool? Body dysphoria? My CO-CEO of Hamato Yoshi???

What a great year!! I had so much fun in fandom this year and made a lot of friends.

[myalchod]

For the writer ask: 9, 18, 19, any or all, please and thank you! 💜

9. start to finish, how long did it take you to write the last fic you posted? Last fic I posted was make a mercy out of me. File created 11 June, though I think I started noodling about it as soon as prompts went up and might have started as much as a week earlier, and fic posted 19 June. Considering I had to change things quite a bit, I'm surprised it only took me two weeks, but sometimes the brainrot goes fast.

19. the most interesting topic you’ve researched for a fic In no particular order, things that pop into mind: medieval abortifacients and the Catholic church's historical attitude towards them, different ways of constructing ciphers, bat- and bird-wing rehabilitation, Pony Express travel timelines, reconstructive hand surgery, asphyxia timelines and what effects it'll have ... and a whole hell of a lot more about the Franco-Spanish war in general and the Fronde in particular than I ever anticipated. Yes, I am all too aware of how many of those things are whumpy. Not sorry!

18. if you keep them, share a deleted sentence or paragraph from a published fic I do, in part because you never know if they'll be useful for something else, which means I have a metric fucktonne of word things I've saved. And I know this says sentence or paragraph, but because I'm in a stabby sort of mood and I don't think I'll ever be able to use this for anything else ... this is from make a mercy out of me, from the part that I had to change because Canon, and this is your one and only warning for pain. 😘

“Saul.” He turns to her; she’s standing with her back to the window, moonlight silvering her golden hair and throwing her half into shadow where it slants across the room. They had stood like this months before, when this all began, on a night that seems impossibly different, feeling the first rumblings of the seismic shift that awaited them. But whatever tomorrow brings they will face it together, and he can take solace in that. “No.” It takes a moment to register the word, another to realise that she’s answered his thought. He has known her for most of his life; sometimes he thinks he knows her better than he does himself. And that means that the single syllable tells him what is about to come. “Farah —” he protests, but it dies in his throat as her mind wraps around his. The bond has always been a comfort before, her presence a reassurance, but not now. Not like this. Don’t do this, he thinks, because she has taken his words and he has no other way to fight her — and fight he must, because his fairy has always seen herself as expendable and he can’t do this without her, he can’t, he’s lost too much and one more thing will break him — Silence, within and without, answers him — silence, and a complicated tangle of emotions, guilt and fear and love and something that might be an apology all weighing like a stone in his chest before they are muffled, the connection between them obscured in a way it hasn’t been since he first properly noticed it. It feels strange but no less so than his mind: every thought is like pushing through exhaustion, an almost impossible effort. Easier to sleep, he thinks. Easier by far to close his eyes, to let himself drift, until he can recover, to sink down … (All he knows is the silver moonlight, then nothing more.)

[ ask me another? ]

[gagmewitha-spork]

Injury (Lucy Bronze x reader)

Warnings: none

Description: reader is recovering from an injury and is staying with Lucy in Lyon after having surgery. Fluffy domestic cuteness. I wrote this years ago when Lucy was still at Lyon, was originally posted on wattpad but I’ve decided to transfer everything over to here and start writing again, so sent requests :)

I haven’t rechecked/proof read so any mistakes or terrible writing can be blamed fully on younger me.

Word count: 967

"Are you coming to watch the game tonight?", Lucy asked me as she moved around the kitchen making breakfast for the two of us, as I was currently incapable. I had been injured in a game a while ago and had recently had surgery on my left ankle, leaving me feeling sorry for myself, and my girlfriend stuck doing everything for me.

"Of course", I confirmed from where I was sat on the couch, looking back over my shoulder at her, "wouldn't miss it", I smiled.

"How are you gonna get there?", she inquired.

"Uh, walk?".

"You're gonna walk all the way?", She raises her eyebrow at me.

"How else would I get there, I can't drive", I shrugged.

"You can't walk to the toilet without me helping you", she folded her arms over her chest, "you can come with me, I'll get you a seat pitch side so I can hear you cheering me on", she came over to where I was sat, leaning on the back of the couch and stroking the top of my head, causing me to tilt it back to look up at her.

"How'd you know I'll be cheering you on, you're playing PSG, which is my team, might I remind you", I smiled up at her.

"Because if you don't, I won't make you food anymore", she smirked, knowing I don't currently have the agility to stand and make food at the same time, not that I can cook normally anyway.

"Noooo, you know I won't survive without the proper nutrition", I begged, bringing my hands up to grab her face, while doing my best lost puppy impression up at her.

"With your cooking, I'm surprised you survive without me as it is", she laughed, my puppy face clearly having no effect.

"Exactly", I used it to make my point stronger. I tried the lost puppy face again. She leant down, placing a peck on my lips, before standing up to head back to the kitchen. Before she could I reached up to pull her back down, into another kiss, this one a little longer.

"As much as I hate not being able to walk, let alone play, I love being able to be here with you all the time", I said once we pulled away.

"Good, 'cause I love having you here", she kissed me again, then went to pull away but I made sure she couldn't by placing my right hand on the back of her neck. Eventually she was able to pull away, "you need to stop", she told me.

"Why?", I smirked up at her.

"I'm trying to cook", she said, quickly walking back to the kitchen so I couldn't grab her and stop her from leaving again.

"Well that's boring", I stated, turning around more to look over the back of the couch so I could see her better.

"So you're coming with me, yes?", She changed the subject back to our previous conversation.

"Yes", I confirmed, "I'll be your biggest loudest, most British fan", I said.

"Ah, so you are going to cheer for me?"

"Of course, as much as I love PSG, I love you more, I'll even wear your jersey"

"Wow, that's real commitment, be careful you might scare me off", she said, laughing a bit.

"If you weren't scared off after our second date I don't think anything could scare you off", I stated, remembering the shambles that was our second date.

We had just got back to Manchester after playing with the England national team, which is where we had met, and I had asked her out on a second date, we'd had our first while away in the US playing in the SheBelieves cup. I had planned to take her to the indoor ski centre near the Trafford centre, which I knew she'd enjoy, then out for a meal at one of the restaurants near by.

It was all going well until we were at the restaurant. Apparently I'm allergic to shell fish, and who knew calamari counted as shell fish? Long story short, she ended up having to take me to hospital, because I was finding it increasingly hard to breath. But she stuck around, even after she'd seen me with a swollen face and purple lips. Which meant that she must really like me.

After that we stuck to non seafood related restaurants. But it's pretty funny to look back on now I know I'm not dying. At the time I was convinced I wasn't going to make it. I've always been a lover of overreacting.

"Yeah well, I saved your life, you're probably only in love with me because of some hero complex or something", Lucy laughed, as she continued cooking.

"Well I might not be anymore", I said, sulking a little, "you won't make out with me".

"You want your food or not?", she asked, "and if you wait until after the game, you can help me celebrate me beating your team like they're that spider you killed earlier", she said seductively, though the reference to the spider I had smooshed into the carpet with my slider earlier in the day made it a little less appealing.

"I would, but I'll be too busy comforting you after you loose", I shrugged.

"Uh huh, we'll see about that", Lucy said as she made her way back over to where I was sat, leaning down and placing a kiss on my lips. Just as I was about to deepen it, thinking she'd finally given in, she pulled away, and placed a plate of food I hadn't seen her bring over into my lap, "eat up my love, you'll need as much energy as possible if you plan on walking to the stadium".

"Ha ha", I replied sarcastically.

[2012wannabe]

silent beginnings 2

wc: 1962

cw/tw: stillborn, loss of pregnancy/child, hospitals plus discussions of post mortem traditions and surgery

“Baby?The doctor is here.” Abby whispers quietly. You immediately wake, eyes darting all around the room. Your eyes find the doctor, a different one from before.

“My name is Dr. Davies. Can I speak to the both of you in private?” Abby nods and you watch as Jerry steps out. She’s still holding your hand, rubbing her thumb against your knuckles silently, and looks at the doctor expectantly. He takes a step closer to the bed and adjusts his glasses.

“Can I ask how you’re doing? How you’re feeling physically?”

“Physically I’m fine, I’m kinda hungry actually.” He nods and smiles.

“That’s a very good sign. As for that you can eat as soon as one of the nurses take the tubes out of your abdomen. Do you still feel any major pain?”

“No.” He nods again listening, glancing at the tubes before asking the next question.

“And emotionally? How are you feeling mentally?” Your face darkens a bit and flatly respond,

“…Fair enough. Have you been able to see the baby yet?”

“Yes.”

“That’s good. Have you come to terms with the circumstances?” He asks gesturing to the tubes.

“I guess so.” Dr. Davies nods and pauses for a moment trying to choose his next worlds carefully as to not upset you.

“So… there’s a couple more things I need to speak to you both about.”

“Okay…”

“Have either of you thought about… cremation or burial?” You look away and he winces slightly.

“It’s important we do something soon.” You turns to Abby and whisper,

“I don’t… do you…”

“I think… I think cremation of the best option. What do you think?” You nod and he looks back at both of you.

“So you both agreed on cremation?”

“Yes.” He nods again, taking a deep breath before speaking again.

“Okay there’s one more thing I have to go over. Do you know what a hysterectomy is?”

“What? Why would I need that?” You exclaim. Dr.Davies sighs and swallows before he starts to speak again, trying to sound sympathetic.

“You lost a lot of blood. Your reproductive organs sustained a lot of trauma and as a result it my medical recommendation that you recover via a hysterectomy.”

“No.” He adjusts his glasses,

“I understand that this is hard to take in and you might be feeling extremely overwhelmed but unfortunately not having this procedure done will do more damage to your body especially if you decide to try to get pregnant in the future.”

“Do you know what a hysterectomy is?” I won’t be able to have any more children if I have it.”

"I do. I understand that having the

hysterectomy means that you will no longer be able to have any children of your own in the future... but with the trauma to your reproductive organs, any future pregnancies you attempt will be high-risk; meaning there will be a greater chance of another miscarriage... or even maternal fatality." Abby’s hand tightens around names as he says that. Losing her wife would be the only thing that could top the pain she felt when your daughter was born silent.

“No.” You say firmly again. Dr. Davies pauses for a second not having expected such a blunt refusal.

“I can give you time to think it over. As upsetting as it might be it can save your health. I can come back and we can discuss it later.”

“We don’t need to discuss this later, my answer is no. I am NOT having a hysterectomy.”

“I’m sorry but not having it will do more harm to your body than the procedure. Your organs have sustained too much damage and-“

“I said NO! Abby make him leave.” You say crossing your arms and ignoring his presence. He sighs and makes his exit and her expression immediately shifts when she sees the look on your face.

“I’m not having it.”

“I know you don’t want to have it… and I understand why you’re making that decision. But I’m worried about you. I don’t want you to be hurt or worse.” You nod no for a final time. Abby’s expression softens and she’s heartbroken at the refusal.

"Sweetie... I know you don't want to do this. But you need the surgery. Please... don't do this to yourself. I can't lose you."

“You're not going to lose me. We're going to go home and have the 3 kids we planned on having and live as a happy family.” Abby's expression falters for a moment, she takes a shaky breath and tries to keep her tears at bay. Her grip on your hand tightens slightly and she speaks quietly.

"Honey... the doctor said it's too risky. Any pregnancies you try to have will be high-risk, and could mean you dying or a miscarriage." You look at her, betrayal written all across your face.

“Please try to understand. I'm not saying this to hurt you, I'm just trying to make you realize why it's important that you have this surgery. I'm not going to watch you die just because you're too stubborn."

“I want a second opinion.” She sighs,

"Fine. We can get you a second opinion. But if they say the same thing..?"

“We'll talk about that if we get there.” Abby’s clearly still worried about you, and is mentally preparing herself for the possibility that you’ll still refuse to have the surgery no matter what any doctor says, but she swallows down her emotions and speaks again.

"Okay...“

"When you want to get the second opinion just-"

As she's about to finish speaking, there's a knock on the hospital room door, and Dr. Davies pokes his head into the room. He steps back into the room and gives a small nod, his expression still somewhat sympathetic but slightly more professional now.

"I have the forms for cremation right here..." He grabs a couple of papers from the clipboard he's holding and holds them up for the both of you to see as he speaks.

"I just need you to sign them so we can start the..." He hesitates slightly before continuing to speak, pausing as he glances at you.

"... process." You hold the clipboard and your hand shakes, your eyes blur with tears.

"There's no rush... take all the time you need."

“Can your dad... can he come back?” Abby looks to the doctor and he nods, stepping out. Jerry comes back and sees you in tears holding the clipboard. Abby hands it him and mutters a small,

“Please.” Jerry takes the clipboard from you, his expression is gentle, but he looks upset.

"I'm sorry." He says softly before signing the papers himself. Abby gently wraps her arms around you, pulling you into an embrace. Your body is shaking slightly against hers as she struggles to keep her emotions in check. She closes her eyes and buries her face into her shoulder, her grip on you tightens even more as her body shakes a little more. She pulls you closer to herself, just wanting to be close. As this is happening Jerry fills out the paperwork and brings it to the doctor.

“This wasn’t supposed to happen so soon.” You sniffle.

“I know… I know sweetie.”

“At least she wasn't in any pain.”

Abby lets out a shuddering breath, still shaking slightly and gripping her tight.

Her voice wavers as she speaks, a mixture of sadness, anger, and frustration bubbling over as she thinks about the unfairness of everything that's happened.

"I hate this."

“Me too.”

“I can’t lose you.” Abby whispers to you after a pause.

“I’m right here.” You say, Abby’s body continuing to tremble as she speaks, her voice still quiet and choked.

"I know you are... but what if'" She cuts herself off, unable to voice her fears, too afraid that speaking her worries aloud will make them more real, that acknowledging the possibility that she could lose her would only make it more likely to happen. She swallows hard, trying to push aside her anxieties.

“Don’t say that. That’s not going to happen.” Abby lets out a soft, shaky breath at her words, wanting desperately to believe them, but her fear and anxiety are still at the forefront of her mind.

"You can't promise that." She says quietly, her grip on you somehow tightening even more, as if she's trying to hold onto you to keep you there, to keep you safe.

“Let's not think about that right now.” In effort of distraction, Jerry pipes up.

“You know what why don’t we get something to eat. You probably haven’t eaten in a while.

“I am hungry actually.” You say. His question caught Abby off guard but she was grateful for his effort.

“I could eat.” He brings some food from the cafeteria and they slowly start to eat. As they do, Abby’s face starts to turn, watching you eat.

“You can say it.” You say. Abby hesitates for a moment, contemplating whether she should actually speak her thoughts aloud, but eventually, she lets out a deep breath and speaks.

"I just... I need you to be honest with me." Her voice is quiet but serious, her eyes locked on you, searching your face, wanting to know what you’re truly thinking.

“Yeah.” Abby takes a deep breath, her expression still serious and concerned.

She pauses for a moment, choosing her words carefully, before she finally speaks.

"Why are you so determined not to have the surgery? I need to know what's holding you back."

“If I have the surgery we can't have kids Abby!”

"Honey... I know. And I understand why that's scaring you. But-" She cuts herself off, pausing for a moment as she tries to hold back her emotions. Her eyes are watery as she continues speaking.

"But the risks are too great. I can't watch you get hurt because you're trying to have a baby."

“I'll be ok. I went through today and yesterday and I'm fine.” She shakes her head slightly, her voice quiet and filled with emotion.

"It's not just today and yesterday, it's the risks of pregnancy itself. The complications, the possible miscarriages..." She closes her eyes for a moment, trying to push away the fear and anxiety that's building up inside of her.

"I can't lose you, baby. I can't."

“Those risks were always there. They're not new.” You insist. Abby swallows hard, her expression conflicted as she struggles to find the words to explain her feelings.

"I know. I know they're not new, but-" She pauses, taking a deep breath to steady herself.

"But now they're exponentially higher. The chance of something going wrong during pregnancy, or the birth..." Her voice trembles slightly as she speaks, revealing just how worried and scared she is.

“I'm going to give us the family we've dreamed of. Even if we hit a rocky start.”Abby looks at you, her own eyes glossy with unshed tears. She wants to believe you, wants to hold onto the hope that things will work out the way you want them to, but her fear and anxiety are still nagging at her.

"I know you want to give us a family. And I want that too. But-" She cuts herself off, swallowing hard as the fear and anxiety rise up inside of her again, making it hard for her to continue speaking. You look at her hopelessly and Abby whispers,

“It’s not going to be our family without you.”

“What if I’m willing to take the risk?”

“I know you are and I appreciate that. But the thought of losing you…” Their feelings hang in the air, then interrupted by Jerry cleaning his throat. Silence hung in the air, only accompanied by the machines beeping and the terrified looks in their eyes.

[ask-tay-relic]

How are you, the mod, doing currently?

[[Sorry for the late message! I've been well! Been recovering from surgery for the last few months! I'm only now (As of the end of March!) allowed to do more physical activity so I'll be working full time soon enough! As, I've found out during this time while doing my taxes, I'm not 'on the poverty line' I am Actively In Poverty and that explains so much for why finances are so difficult and I'm so stressed all the time! So I'll be doing my best to be active in blog work but I can't promise that I will just due to adult obligations!

My personal time will be spent writing my novels though so I'll still have a creative outlet! Comic work and digital art takes more commitment (I do not draw fast we know this) so that may take a back seat! As soon as i'm financially stable I do want to come back to working on it though! But I can't promise that'll be anytime soon.

So you may find me at my Mun Blog @augment-duke for other non-mlp work, but it's much more likely I won't be online at all for awhile! So I will not be posting much or often I do apologize!

I hope you're all well and have safe and happy days!!]

[lil-tachyon]

Hey!

Logan here. Quick little life update from me: I've been recovering from some pretty intense surgery and will be continuing to do so in the near future. I am overall in good health and good spirits but it is impacting my ability to work pretty significantly so I just want to put it out there in case anybody is waiting on work or a message from me: please don't hesitate to email me if you have any questions. I'm not able to do much drawing right now and trying to check DMs across different socials is a pain but I am answering all emails to the best of my ability. (tachyonart@gmail.com)

Thanks for your patience and sorry for the non-art post, I just wanted to put this out there in case anybody's been trying to get in contact with me and I haven't gotten back to you. It's an oversight on my part!

Also if anyone wants to send me an ask about anything: please do. I always find them to be fun little distractions. Puts me in a good mood.

[thebiscuiteternal]

I posted ancient fanart, now time for an ancient fic. I wrote this one in... hell, I'm not even sure. Before 2008 at least.

Warnings: Descriptions of injuries, internal ableism, the constant feeling of the sword hanging over your head

----------------

He'd always heard that the closer you were shoved to death, the sharper everything in that moment seemed, but he'd never really put any stock in it. But now, as he stared vacantly up at the ceiling of the hospital room, he was rethinking that disbelief.

The heat of the explosion shockwave, the wood and glass burrowing into his back as he hit the window, the sense of knowing he was going to die as he hit the ground and felt bone snap and muscle tear in a blinding flash of agony.

A sudden sharp twinge of pain between his shoulderblades made him want so badly to roll over onto his side, but the casts and bars around and through almost all of his body were having none of it.

He hadn't seen anyone but doctors and nurses since he'd woken up six hours previous, and, to his annoyance, they had no interest in telling him a damn thing other than it had been almost a month since he'd been brought in. It wasn't a bad thing for him to want to know how serious the damage was, especially since-

-no, he wasn't going to think about that. Or so he told himself. Despite his efforts at forcing down the voices that brushed his semi-conscious memories, they insisted on being heard again.

He's as good as dead. Just leave him.

Iscariot didn't believe in no man left behind. He'd known that since the day he took his vows to join the order. But still, the memory made something in his chest constrict, and he squeezed his eyes shut as he struggled to keep his breathing even. The slower and more shallow, the less it hurt. Morphine could only do so much.

He'd just recovered control of his nerves when the click of the door opening made him glance over, expecting another nurse, and he blinked in surprise when Father Renaldo poked his head in. "Ah, you're still awake. They finally told me it was alright to come in. How are you feeling?"

Only the knowledge that it would cause unimaginable pain kept him from snorting at the obviousness of the question. "Have they given you any details?" he finally managed, voice more hollow and weak than he would have liked. And the uncomfortable fidget the older man made was a sign that he would like the answer even less.

"Well… it's quite the laundry list, my boy. Concussion, broken collarbone, four broken ribs… Right elbow's cracked, left forearm's broken. Various bruises and contusions, left leg broken in three places…"

There was something else, and they both knew he was skirting. "Anything more?"

Renaldo took a deep breath, and a wash of fear went through him. "I'm sorry, Enrico," the man mumbled, then quietly left.

---

Shattered vertebrae and a severed spinal cord. He stared silently as the doctor finally gave him the truth that Renaldo hadn't been able to bring himself to say.

"Meaning-?" he couldn't help asking after swallowing back the sudden dry feeling in his mouth.

"There are therapy options, of course, and we could try surgery if you wish, but it's very likely that you won't be able to use your legs for the rest of your life."

He felt his stomach drop as the doctor got up from his seat and left, and he suddenly wanted to throw up.

Paralysis.

God, was there ever any more obvious death sentence? Biting his lip and covering his eyes with his good hand, he tried to pretend he couldn't hear the familiar, if muffled, voices outside his door.

"Have you gone soft? He's a liability now, we can't keep him. Especially not in that position."

"I know that, Alex, but we have no choice at the moment. No one was expecting this, and we don't have anyone trained enough to replace him."

Now he really was going to throw up.

---

Everyone knew their days were numbered when they went into the order. After all, there was no such thing as demotion or resignation in Iscariot. You either lived, died, or someone else chose which one for you. And now the choice was up to everyone else and how long he was useful.

A painfully sobering thought when he'd spent the majority of his life trying to wrest control of it away from others.

Sighing, Enrico opened one of the many folders he'd been brought and started on yet another sheaf of paperwork.

When he thought about it, really, he probably had a few months at the most. For all Renaldo had talked about training, making assignments and filling out forms wasn't that hard.

He'd probably be dead within the year, and someone else would be doing this.

That didn't mean he had to give them additional reason to kill him sooner, though. Despite the protests of the therapists and his own body, he was getting to a point that he could be mostly self-sufficient. With any luck, he wouldn't have to ask for any special modifications at all, although making do would be considerably difficult.

Just the thought of having to sleep in his old bed alone made his spine –what he could feel of it- ache, and he inwardly swore about the common habit of higher beds before turning his attention back to the papers in his lap.

Right, time to stop thinking too much. Back to work.

As he was working on the last authorization notice –and trying desperately not to fall asleep in the middle of it- he glanced up as voices started up –as usual- outside the door. But this time, the conversation was a little more interesting than talk of medications.

“Well, Father, it looks like he’ll be ready to leave today. I have to admit, he’s been quite the surprise. It’s not often we get someone so gung-ho about therapy so soon after their accident.”

“He’s always been headstrong.”

He inwardly bristled at the tone and bit his tongue to keep from muttering something particularly insulting about Anderson’s heritage. Or at least more insulting than what people said about his own. Whether the man heard it or not, it wouldn’t exactly go far towards his inner resolution to earn temporary respite from his execution through good behavior.

Forcing himself to keep quiet, he went back to work, and was finishing the last page when the man came in.

“Ready to go?”

“Sure,” he replied, matching the lack of emotion as he closed the folder and put it on the stack, then swatted off the cursory attempt to help him as he wrestled himself into the wheelchair. It hurt, and he was exhausted by the effort, but he reminded himself that the less he asked for help, the less nuisance he’d be.

And was that the barest hint of approval he saw on his former mentor’s face?

Probably his imagination, but it made him feel better nonetheless.

---

“Are the itineraries ready, sir?”

“There aren’t any.”

Renaldo glanced up, a slight note of surprise in his expression. “Might I ask why?”

“Because they’re useless,” Enrico replied, tone a little more exasperated than the carefully cultivated vacancy that had been in place over the last months. “I can give them all the directions I want, and the papers will have been thrown away before they even leave the building. It’s less a waste of my time just to point them in the right direction, let them do what they please, and just clean up the mess afterwards, considering it seems that’s all I spend my time doing anyway.”

He briefly regretted the brief outburst when the man arched an eyebrow at him, but the only response was a slight pat to the shoulder. “I understand, sir. Do you want me to handle the debriefing today?”

“No… I’ll do it.”

So he’d said, but as he pushed himself down the hall, he felt physically and emotionally drained.

While forcing himself to stop thinking –as much as he could, anyway- about when the proverbial axe would fall had helped, other worries and realizations had risen up to take its place.

Enrico spent more time these days than he would have liked remembering the man he’d taken this position from in the traditional way. How he’d been smiling as he bled to death.

Was it because the old man had finally been burned out by the same lessons that were being learned now?

Like the fact that Iscariot neither needed, nor wanted a leader, just someone to handle the fallout.

Or the fact that agents only behaved once you’d broken down and did things their way.

He wished his mind hadn’t gone that route, because then it followed that line of thinking to Anderson. The man had been considerably less of a stubborn ass since he’d gotten out of the hospital.

Since he’d stopped trying to take control.

He couldn’t help a bitter little chuckle, but didn’t want to keep going on that train of thought. Shaking his head a little, he forced himself to continue on his way down the hall.

---

His nerves prickled just before he felt the blade at his throat, and he barely lifted his head. “I’m assuming you’ve found a replacement.”

They both knew it wasn’t a question, but an answer –question- came anyway in the form of a small nick of pain and Anderson’s familiar rumble. “You knew this was coming?”

Despite himself, Enrico laughed, the sound hollow in his own ears. “Don't act so surprised. I’ve known since you told the other agents to leave me behind at the church, so I suppose it’s fitting that they picked you to finish the job.”

There was a huff from behind him, and the blade vanished as he looked over his shoulder then turned the chair, unable to keep himself from inwardly being amused at the expression on his caretaker his mentor the other priest's face. “What’s wrong? Don’t want to kill me now that you know I’ve been preparing myself for it?”

“I don’t want to kill you at all.”

“Don’t lie to me now, Father. You were the one who was so eager to get rid of the liability to the organization.”

“It’s because you’re a liability that-“

“What?” he asked when Anderson cut himself off mid-snap and turned away.

As always.

A small spark of anger rose in his chest, and he couldn’t resist throwing the man’s words from months before back at him, goading him. “Have you gone soft? Can’t kill me now that I’m not screaming back at you at every opportunity? Now that I’ve learned to just give in?”

The look that got was mixed irritation and pity and something he couldn’t identify, and the older man crouched in front of him, touching his cheek with the same almost -not quite- affection that had been there when he was small and vanished as he got older. “Is that what you think I’ve been trying to teach you?”

His insides went cold for some reason he couldn’t explain, and he suddenly wished he could squirm away. “Isn’t it? You were always such a pain until I stopped fighting you and always talking about how I had no right to be angry at-“

“I never said you had no right to be angry at your parents,” Anderson chided, leaving him suddenly feeling uneasy and unbalanced and confused as though he were six again. “Anyone who was abandoned as you are would feel angry. I told you that you couldn’t stay angry at the-“

“It’s the same thing!”

There was a small ringing noise as the bayonet hit the floor, and hands squeezed his shoulders. “It’s not. Enrico, I wanted you to learn to grow past your rage. To be something that wouldn’t require it to sustain you.” He pulled away and straightened. “You never should have been in Iscariot in the first place, because you didn’t have the right reasons for it.”

“Then why let me get this far? If you never wanted to let me in this position, or be here at all, why didn’t you just kill me in the trials. It would have been easy for you.”

“Maybe physically.” There was that look again, the one that he wasn’t sure what it meant. “I never enjoy having to kill someone I raised. And I still hoped that one day, you would finally get it. That it wouldn’t come to the point that you would be a danger to the organization.”

“I wasn-“

“You were.” The certainty in Anderson's voice stung. “All that ambition and rage, eventually it would have caused more problems than you were worth. The signs were all there.”

And then the incident. And then he’d been broken. So many ‘and thens’ that set up what he was now, which was apparently what Anderson had wanted to be, even if not for the reasons he’d thought.

He swallowed past the knot that had formed in his throat. “But it doesn’t matter, because you’re going to kill me now anyway. There’s no such thing as resignation, remember?”

“I know.”

But Anderson didn’t pick up the bayonet he'd dropped, and Enrico made a noise of surprised confusion as he was lifted out of the wheelchair instead. “What are you-“

“Hush.”

Startled into silence, he bit his lip, and wondered where they were going as Anderson carried him down the hall.

---

This hadn’t been planned, he reminded himself as he looked about the tiny bedroom apartment, and that fact somewhat impressed him.

In just a few short days, Renaldo had gotten him declared dead with no body or blood to prove it, and his replacement had been instated with no problems at all. In less than that, Heinkel had found this little apartment and arranged for its rent and utilities to be covered before Anderson had even brought him here.

He would be earning them, of course. Renaldo’s mind was still sharp, but his eyes were continually going, and who better to read important documents to him than someone who had experience and nothing better to do?

He wouldn’t be allowed to leave the apartment either, to keep his continued existence hidden, but what reason did he have to?

He could do this, he told himself. A quiet little life was better than no life at all, right? He’d been expecting to have his throat slit and his body to be left for the cleanup crew, so this wasn’t so bad… right?

Pushing himself over to the window, he peered out.

At least the view was nice…

A hand settled at the back of his neck, and he glanced up at Anderson before basking in the reassuring squeeze.

In a twisted sort of way, he’d finally gotten the two things he wanted the most, a family and the approval of his mentor.

He could be content with the way everything else had turned out.

Really.

He just had to keep reminding himself of that when the walls of the apartment seemed far too close.

[nobody7102]

Sorry you’re still recovering from the wisdom teeth removal ☹️ can I ask how the experience was?

Honestly supper good,

For people who don’t wanna know the details this is the end for you, for people (like myself) who want to know the details (to be prepared for whatever could happen with their go under the cut

So I am a person who would rather know everything that could go wrong/right so I can be prepared.

My personal experience so fair has been fine, I’m 6 days post op(I do count the day of the surgery) I have bruising on the left side of my jaw and I’m only in pain when I don’t take meds(alternating every 2-3 hours starts with ibuprofen then the next time Tylenol and so on so forth, also I’ve just been using over the counter stuff, I was given a prescription for pharmacy grade Tylenol and I filled it just in case but I haven’t used it)

FULL DISCLOSURE: I had all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed, three of them were impacted and one was partially exposed. But all of them were coming in sideways essentially(pushing up against my other teeth)

I went under general anesthesia, because I knew that if I was awake, I would freak the fuck out. I honestly don’t know how long I was under for because they did the general anesthesia through an IV. I remember them putting the spacers in and then I don’t remember anything after that after the surgery.

I 10/10 recommend general anesthesia.(and no I didn’t keep my teeth.)

Apparently my mom said we sat there for 20 minutes so they made sure I was OK, I remember the nurse sitting me up and helping me out of the chair and that’s it. Apparently I went the wrong way twice when the nurse was helping bring me out to my mom’s car and then I remember my mom helping me out of the car when we got to her house because you have to be monitored for six hours after at the very least, if you get general anesthesia.

But my mom essentially brought me over to the recliner chair and I passed out. I went in at 9 AM and the next lucid thing that I actually remember happening was around 12:40PM

When I woke up, my mouth was super sore, but I wasn’t bleeding a whole lot. I wasn’t super swollen, I took three days off of work after, and I also put ice on the sides of my jaw for 20-30 minutes every other hour for the first two days (now I only do it if my jaw feels super sore)

Day of I had yogurt, noodles(that were cooked off), and mashed potato. I have been going crazy with what I can and can not eat(I’ve been craving pickles) but overall I’ve just been doing soft foods.

The second day I did yogurt, jello, and udon(big soft chewy noodles, cooled down)

Day three was also pasta and lightly grilled cheese sandwiches(which panned me so much because I like them crispy)

Day four I started doing soft normal foods, chicken tenders (being very careful about the breading), biscuits or scones for my EU babes(but nothing super dry and crumbly), and zippy poppers(if you have a Newts then you know but it’s kind of like a better deep fried mash potato ball)

Now I’m so sick of soft foods, I have started eating normal foods. I’ve had hot pockets, grilled cheese, BLT, fruit. But I am mindful I guess of how hard/crunchy/gritty/acidic/spicy some things are.

So fair no dry socket

[hongtiddiez]

GumpaYok?! Please share your thoughts! I’m ashamed to say that I’ve never even considered this before!

don't be ashamed!! i think most people just see Yok with Dan and go yeah sure, that's end game but UHH i hate Dan. i fucking LOVE Fluke Gawin but i'm a big acab bitch and i just want to run Dan over with my fucking car - i don't dislike danyok shippers and if you like Dan i'm so sorry but you do you babes, that's your right.

HOWEVER. i just think it'd be interesting to see a post canon world where Gumpa lets Yok heal from his surgery at his place because Yok doesn't want to scare his mae, and maybe there's just 1 bed who knows, and maybe Gumpa is a perfect gentleman and takes the couch night after night until Yok catches him wincing while he's fixing a truck and Yok demands he sleep in his own fucking bed just for one night. and maybe they wake up tangled together, Yok first, and he's immediately taken aback by how safe he feels, and how warm and protected he feels, and there's still a little hurt part of him curled up in the corner of his heart, licking his wounds, but this little moment shows him he can move on, he can recover, and maybe things can be better than what he left behind on the floor of that art gallery. so he goes back to sleep, safe and warm, with hope in his heart.

Gumpa wakes up next and at first he does the respectable thing, he immediately moves to extract himself with a silent apology on his lips, but Yok makes the softest little sound - almost distressed - and curls closer to him and Gumpa's heart clenches and all he wants to do is hold Yok closer, to protect him from all the pain he's been through lately. under the guise of being half asleep he holds Yok closer, winds his arms around his ribs and his back and cradles him to his chest like he could keep him there, like he wishes he could be Yok's armor and keep him safe from a world that is much too cruel for such a golden heart like his.

and maybe they continue to sleep like this, there's an unspoken agreement. and having Yok in the garage is fun - he brightens the day even when it's pouring rain outside, and he makes Gumpa laugh, he reminds Gumpa he's barely even 30 and not the shambling old man he pretends he is.

and Gumpa reminds Yok that he's always safe here, with the family they've cobbled together, and he reminds Yok that there's so much beauty to life and so much to appreciate, and each little touch and smile pieces his heart back together bit by bit until maybe one day he's brave -- YOU KNOW??? DO YOU SEE THE VISION??

[snailsagere]

Please read my dni in my bio before interacting

Life update #1

So you guys voted for the life updates so here we are :3

I'll post them whenever something significant happens and I'll include a trigger warning at the top of each post!

Tw- mentions of ED, talk about poor mental health, m*d!ca! mentions etc this post will pretty much be a brief rundown on why I am so not good haha, I'm not going to go into detail but still!

So I originally started my silly tumblr account in 2020 and definitely wasn't expecting to get as much attention on it like I did, obviously I appreciate it so so much but I wasn't expecting it, but I am mentally ill so it makes it hard sometimes for me to post-

1) I have anxiety so interacting with people is very hard for me which is why I think I may come across as rude sometimes, I really don't mean to but I just struggle talking to anyone because of my brain

2) I have depression so my motivation is usually not very good, I would like to be able to complete requests faster but I really can't and I'm sorry about that

As well as all this I have a lot of issues with my day-to-day life, I don't really talk about more serious topic but a quick run-down of my diagnosis' and extra stuff I guess-

I have been diagnosed with anxiety, depression, ptsd and autism

And I believe I had anorexia and am currently recovering from that, I also strongly believe I have borderline personality disorder due to childhood trauma which I don't really want to go into rn and I'm very certain that I have chronic pain as I have had constant back pain since I was around 12 after my spinal surgeries I had when I was 10 and 11 (I had really severe scoliosis), also I have come to the conclusion that I likely have these things based off lots of research! I believe you should always make sure to research anything before assuming you may have it! And I do want to talk to my doctor about a bpd diagnosis at some point but my ptsd is medical (from my surgeries) so doctor trips are not ideal so I've been a bit slow with it but as I said I have done lots of research into it!

In general lots of stuff in my life make everything really difficult for me so yea, but I'm trying my best!

I will post these little life updates whenever something significant happens etc as you all voted for me to post these so I will try my best to do so!

If you wanna ask any questions about anything really I'm fine with that! Obviously if I don't feel comfy answering I won't but I'm ok answering most things I believe! Just please be kind! :3

[fyodior]

Caring for Toji while he learns to live with his injuries and the damage to his body!! Flora!! 😭😭 I've been thinking about it for so long!! Hugging you so tightly right now!

Because injuries and scars mean nothing to him, but damage that big? Something he can't really recover from, only learn to live with? Omg yes! There will be times where he can still feel pain in the arm he no longer has, or even an itch or a feeling of coldness and when he moves to rub the pain away or wrap a blanket around himself, there's just. Nothing.

And I mean, he'd accept that Gojo was just getting revenge. Toji was doing his job, and Gojo wasn't in his right mind (at least not fully) and fought back against the person that killed him. But of course it'd still create hatred and resentment because Gojo continues on from that fight completely undamaged because of the reverse technique, but Toji can't even dream of that!

And Toji now feels completely powerless when the pain is too much or he can't do what he used to and feeling like his partner deserves so much more, the man he used to be!! But that can bring comfort to, laying him down, running hands along his body, each scar that he's gained over the years, tracing and kissing along them if the pain isn't too much and he's comfortable with it, reassuring him that he's still the same Toji Fushiguro. Reminding him that you both made a promise to look after each other and care for the other no matter what happened, no matter how hurt you both were.

And slowly Toji learning to accept it, to accept help from you and be willing to start to live with the new life that he has, you by his side like promised. It gets easier day by day, with him slowly coming to terms with how things are and maybe one day, he'll stop blaming and hating himself too.

Sorry, I got carried away, but like I said, I can't get this out of my head!!

- ❄

ANON BABY I’M LITERALLY GONNA CRY YOU GET IT SO MUCH THIS IS ACTUALLY WHAT I WAS ENVISIONING it’s so perfect thank you!!!!

exploring not only toji’s physical recovery but the mental one too, the debilitating guilt he’d certainly feel, but also unavoidable resentment he’d feel for gojo remaining completely (physically) unharmed. like he came to terms with the fact that gojo was just defending himself and that he was in the wrong but he still can’t help but hate him a little for it. that’s such a good concept thank you for bringing it up!!!!

and i just love the idea of how much he’d inevitably try to push away his lover bc it tears him apart to have to rely on them that much, and he fucking hates being a burden to them. when you have to help him get dressed and eat and bathe and even go to the bathroom he wishes he had just fucking died that day because it couldn’t possibly get worse than this. he loves you to the moon and back so it kills him to see you burdened with something so huge as to become a caregiver for an extremely disabled person. but toji doesn’t understand and truly can’t grasp how much you love him and how you’d choose this in every single lifetime over him being dead. of course it’s hard, you can’t deny that, and there’s certainly worse days than others, but you will always always love him through it and care for him until the bitter end.

and also just exploring what his life would look like post losing an arm and recovering from a million surgeries would be so interesting. i LOVE the way you said “something he can’t recover from, only learn to live with” and i think i might steal that line if you don’t mind JSJDKSK because that’s so true. never before in his life has he not been able to overcome the countless injuries he’s had to endure - and he’s had his fair share of pretty nasty ones - but this one is too much. not even the invincible toji fushiguro can recover from losing an entire chunk of his body. he can only learn to cope, and he’s never had to cope before. it’s unbearable for him, even worse than the physical pain sometimes.

he is in so much pain too, and he can’t do much for himself at all in the beginning. he needs you for absolutely everything, he can’t even fuckin sit up alone at first, and he hates it so much. i love the part you said about trying to wrap a blanket around himself but there’s nothing there, and the phantom pain he’d have to endure. the worst part is he feels like he deserves it. he deserves the unbearable pain and loss of function. he deserves how he feels when you have to spoon feed him because he’s too weak and in too much pain to do it himself. he lost his dominant arm too, which makes things so much worse. i just made that up but i feel like it’d make for a more interesting story LMAO

i also just totally rambled but you’ve given me so many ideas that i love so much and i’m so grateful to you so thank you!!!! hopefully soon when ive posted some other fics im obligated to i can get some words on paper for this bc honestly i’m itching to.