#does this need a community label lmfao

[birb-tangleblog]

Another one I unearthed poking around- a little something for the G-bug Eugene enjoyers. 😘

[szayelapowo]

fuuuuccckk i think i prefer the therian label over otherkin for myself but i really dont wanna have to change the tags on all my posts again ugh (i use the ios mobile app in which the mass post editor seemingly doesnt exist?)

also question. am i even allowed to call myself a therian when my 'type is a church grim? like i was a regular living dog originally that was killed and became a spectral entity with a human level of intelligence (and later was given shapeshifting powers from an evil thing) so idk?

ive been in the ah/nh community off and on for at least a decade but i never know what to call myself bc i keep seeing wildly differing definitions of therianthropy and otherkinity which just confuses me bc severe nd brainfog & learning difficulties. ig i could just stick with calling myself nonhuman and leave it at that but. i have an obsessive need to have exact labels for all of my experiences that is actually so fucking annoying lmfao 🫠

edit: yeah fuck it im just gonna stick with nonhuman for now. not therian, otherkin, or anything else.

i also genuinely cant tell if my nonhumanness is spiritual or psychological in origin. like im so sure this is a past life thing but also i EXTREMELY DO NOT WANT that to be the case. like i would be fine knowing my identity is caused by my being schizospec/abused/autistic or whatever but i veeery much dont want it to be a case of reincarnation like i think it is bc that would mean it might happen again when this life ends, in which case i would forget about and be separated from my mate which is just a completely terrifying and unbearable thought to me (for both of us). like literally that would be worse than just getting sent to hell wtf

like literally how does anyone figure this shit out i hate it. i hate not knowing why im the way i am. ive been trying to find out for a wholeass decade at this point and i never get any closer to the answer. fuck.

[sickly-sapphic]

I'm gonna bounce off that last anon for a moment here + your answer to ask... how DO you feel comfortable with the intersex label? And sorry in advance for the long fucking ask LMFAO I've been... having a time for the past few months.

Obviously it's entirely up to the person whether or not they do, but, like... I want to say I'm intersex. I know how important it is for people to be saying they are intersex, and how I've related to the intersex experience on some level even before I even fully comprehended wtf it meant as a teen. It's important to me. But by the grace of god (extreme childhood neglect, and the people around me not really giving a shit about me to mention anything + not knowing what intersex even is), I somehow never had anyone go "yeah something is up" and thus I don't wholly... relate? There's a sort of rift I feel with the community, like I'm not "really intersex" if I haven't dealt with this or that.

I had a deeper voice, I had darker body hair, I got crazy full-body acne, I was fairly physically androgynous! I relate a little too hard to perimenopause advice!! Among other stuff I won't get into because I don't wanna ramble more. For god's sake, from the very few tests I've had my hormones have been doing fuckall whatever for the past godknows how many years and, as I like to joke, my SHBG is probably ripped with how hard it was carrying my insufficient sex hormone levels pre-T. And yet I feel like I'm faking or some bullshit because I haven't faced obvious intersexism or am visibly intersex. It's a little stupid.

So, okay. To TL;DR, I guess: I have turbo imposter syndrome because I'm totally mentally well and without trauma (lie) and feel like I don't deserve to call myself intersex because "what if you aren't though :/ and are co-opting experiences that aren't yours ://". I know something I should internalize is "slow the fuck down" but that is a bit hard with my head going "Okay but you need answers NOW". Any thoughts and/or advice??

Also I love seeing your posts ur so awesome ilu /p

I mean you're definitely intersex enough!! If it helps you on your journey, I super duper relate to the traits described. Not everyone *does* experience intersexism before finding out theyre intersex. Some people's traits present completely internally, and they'll experience a different set of life experiences regarding being intersex.

Being visibly intersex and experiencing intersexism aren't the qualifiers to being intersex (just like suffering and misogyny aren't what define womanhood). What made me most confident with calling myself intersex was my girlfriend - she could pretty confidently look at me and say "yeah.... thats intersex" (despite not being confident in her own identity yet). Hearing that confirmation from an outside source can be really affirming!!

I'd say interact with other intersex people, find community, talk in the community, you don't have to come right out and be sure of it before you start engaging with the community - I wasn't.

I hope you're able to feel comfortable and affirmed soon!!

[archer-kacey]

Introduction/ The Illusion of Living

Introduction

To clarify, there are two pages of the actual "Introduction", followed by a section labeled "The Illusion of Living," which is ANOTHER introduction. I'm crying.

The FIRST Introduction is all fluff, Joey yaps to his cab driver (just known as "Simmons") and sees a Borzoi, and immediately typecasts it as a villain OC to go up against Bendy. That's it. Next section.

The Illusion of Living [The What]

Joey does a horrible job at giving a simple explanation of the Illusion of Living, but not for the reason you'd think. At first it seems to boil down to "the art of lying" or "joey caps for five years," if you will. He also, unsurprisingly, thinks he's a genius and that his philosophy is a gift to mankind.

"It is a life philosophy, but unlike some of our great past thinkers, I did not come to any conclusion through thought and careful meditation. Instead it was born within me. My whole existence has been shaped around this concept. It just took some time for me to learn how to articulate it to others."

"I've always believed that we can communicate to even the simplest person. Communication is everything."

"We are all dreamers at heart, and I want to make sure that all of your dreams will indeed come true thanks in no small part to my unique insights."

But then Joey says something interesting for once, and it seems to imply that the Illusion of Living is a two-way street. Joey believes that reality is also fiction, but it seems to work in reverse as well.

"So in the briefest of explanations: The Illusion of Living is the art of mimicking real life on the big screen."

Real life ---> Big Screen. So not only is fiction reality, the two are interchangeable.

Illusion of Living [Bendy]

"I am a very self-aware person."

Joey goes on to talk about Bendy, but there's...another aspect I'll be sure to bring up before we close on this section.

"I am not offended that he is first in your heart. He is, after all, first in mine. He was my very first creation- one could even call him my firstborn."

"Bendy is my muse. He is also my messenger. He tells the stories of our lives in absurd, hilarious ways that put all of it into perspective. He reminds us that what we truly need in this world is joy and laughter. Money doesn't matter, power doesn't matter, not when we acknowledge the Illusion of Living."

Nathan adds a footnote here that the Illusion of Living wasn't the only thing important to Joey. He knew the value of a dollar and was a good businessman. So apparently, the money did matter after all. Are we shocked that a Capitalist required money to achieve his goals and aspirations?

"He isnt' real others might argue. Such a ridiculous argument "isn't real." We can see him, we can touch him, kids snuggle with their stuffed Bendys at night. He has more fans than the Marx Brothers! What is real if he isnt'?"

"I tell people that Bendy is the perfect example of my philosophy. He is its manifestation. Or as I like to say, "Dreams come true."

Joey isn't entirely wrong here. We see movie franchises IRL that have a huge influence on pop culture all the time, and we see fandoms and cult followings spring up from said media. The impact is real, if not the characters themselves.

"Your dreams can come true. Because, as I've explained, illusion and reality are the same thing."

Again, the Illusion of Living is an insistence that reality and fiction are one and the same.

I'm going to swap a line from the end of the Bendy section to here, because I want to touch on something I noticed afterwards.

"Now I'm getting ahead of myself. I get excited and tell the story too fast. That's what editors are for I suppose."

Nathan adds a footnote here that IOL went through three different editors, finally landing on the desk of Sandy Pommel (another rando), who opted to put back in a lot of the remarks in order to 'truly capture Drew's charm," as Nathan puts it. (My girl wanted that edit credit so bad lmfao)

ANYWAY, let's take a look at these little slices of IOL I've been saving for last.

"I tell people that Bendy came to me in a dream."

"No, what I had to do was want the dream in the first place. To know that I needed a creation so perfect, so accessible to so many people, that it would help me change the way the world saw itself. That was my dream. I was awake, I knew what I wanted; I made it happen."

He mentions wanting to "change the way the world saw itself" through bendy. Wanting to create a character that was "accessible to so many people." Later in IOL, we see Joey discuss with Abby what he wants Bendy to be like. Not Satan, he specifically clarifies, but an imp-like character, someone mischievous. We know Joey believes reality and fiction can be swapped out for each other, so that could be the world change he was talking about, but I think he also wanted people to recognize their own impish nature- getting into trouble and laughing every once in a while. Or maybe, just maybe, I've been reading the words of Joey Drew for too many hours.

"Only then did Bendy appear to me. Only then did I start working with other artists to make him a reality. But you see, I first made my dream. And then I made my dream come true.

Working with other artists, eh? Like who, Joey?

Also, note the insistence that he created Bendy first, directly after that sentence. As if trying to convince himself that Henry had no part in creating Bendy, and trying to keep his story straight in the way he wants it portrayed to the public.

(This facade later crumbles on page 154, with Joey pretending not to miss or need him at the studio and failing horribly.)

Things get really interesting when Joey describes Bendy's creation. He sees it as his big dream being fully realized. To him, this is also the"birth" of his son, or at the very least, the creation of his muse, messenger, and avenue to tell his stories. "I tell people that Bendy came to me in a dream" is a coverup of course, some smoke and mirrors to convince people that he had an epiphany and came up with Bendy himself, but he also clearly sees it as a wonderful event.

We know Henry created Bendy, of course. We know it wasn't Joey's hand that ultimately struck paper. However, that doesn't make Joey's feelings any less real.

During Bendy's creation, there are two truths happening at the same time to make the full picture. Henry drawing, and hell, maybe Joey bouncing a couple ideas off him. The process takes just minutes, but it feels like hours. Bendy is created, and Joey is there to witness it. And to Joey, it's the most perfect creation in the world. And he's going to share this creation with Henry, this dream with Henry.

I am not being hyperbolic when I say that, to Joey, Henry created his son.

TL;DR The Illusion of Living is Joey's philosophy that reality and fiction are one and the same. Joey wants his OC to be real so bad. Joey views Bendy as his actual son and Henry created him and also Joey was there for his creation so what I'm saying is Henry created a son for his business partner and they were just gonna chill like that until Henry left and broke his heart or something

[rivangel]

Kinda random but I was watching a Levi compilation and after hearing his dialogue with other characters again, I feel like his reputation as a stoic, surly, jackass has really been run with in the fanfic community. He’s only ever an ass to people to obviously deserve it, and has several scenes where he’s quite open with his thoughts and emotions (tho they’re mostly negative lol). He makes it very obvious when he cares about people (a merchant straight up called him awkward but well-meaning) and has affectionate mean nicknames for his friends. He took a lead role in establishing the orphanage. I wouldn’t even say he’s curt and to the point, cuz mid battle when hange asked if the artillery was working he took the time to say that it’s doing no better than pissing LOL. He even said in the manga that bitching about your situation is an important ritual. When Dimo the merchant was confronted, Levi got him to supply with soldiers with extra rare tea 🤭. He was polite enough to thank the old man for his gun when he fought Kenny. If anything, I’d label him as sarcastic and deadpan, but he’s much more human and still playful in his own way, kind of like some alt teenagers you’d meet at the mall LMFAO.

i read this this morning when i was half conscious but i could feel even my sleepy mind falling deeper in love w him the more right u became

Yes. parts of levi's story, his relationship with other characters, and his personal life is rly unknown which i think is a big reason he's popular, cos there are so many holes u can fill using fanfic/w/e. but THEN u have his character being very misinterpreted bc in all of aot, the story involves a lot of context clues and reading between the lines to rly know a character.

so like ppl take the courtroom scene and suddenly levi is sadistic for doing what he had to via erwins orders in order to save erens life and get custody of him. for example. i mean he convinced historia to help the underground by establishing orphanages for kids not unlike what he would've needed after the coup. he's so good :/

also yeah ur right levi is a pessimist, but he trusts his comrades and has a strong sense of duty. YES bitching about a situation is a good ritual he's so funny sfnsfjeie he's closed off, but he doesn't hesitate to speak his mind (tho hes a little too brutally honest sometimes lol).

but he also has a very dry sense of humor at like the most misplaced moments. and tries in his own ways to reassure his comrades when they need it. hes not rude just to be rude. hes so KIND. such a meow meow little guy DOES THAT MAKE SENSE

and YES levi shows friendly affection by bullying. correct. ur so correct aboit literally everything u said.

[pomfiores]

💌 🖤

💌 - How would they confess to their love interest? Would they wait on a confession?

Vil often gives hints and usually would expect someone to catch on. To him, it's obvious. He expects them to see that he's messing with them out of genuine interest (wanting to spend time more, asking some questions that he usually wouldn't ask, trying to not be too dismissive/lenient with error). He can only give so many hints without everyone catching on or suspecting but in the event that it ever does happen, it might be obvious (especially to Epel, if he's ever to witness Vil letting someone have some leverage bc Epel only see's Vil's iron fist but so does most of the student body akfjsa).

But as I've said before, Vil is probably (and I hate to label it as such) moronsexual. I kind of see him as a demi but definitely watches the morons a little more, despite his status especially as queen, oh my god. Vil wouldn't wait on a confession though it definitely depends. If he feels like it's them who came onto him first, he'll let them confess bc he won't do the work for them. As if. If it's him who had fallen first (miracle), he'd give bold hints or say bold things to get their attention but at the end of the day, he'd likely confess in private. Probably over the phone, when he's alone with his interest. Vil's just reserved that way and really values his privacy with certain people.

He knows he has a strong approach without meaning to so he tries to not overthink it, assuming these feelings are kind of new but at the same time not as much. It's a weird in-between he'd find himself in bc despite the regal vibe, he can totally let himself wonder too much and hold back until he knows it's reciprocated or he's frustrated enough that they're being too stupid to catch onto his hints. That's a little more interesting of an approach imo but akfjsa definitely flirts though. definitely, definitely flirts. Flirting is almost so obvious it'll get people's heads turning bc Vil? flirting with someone (some limp noodle or smth idk lol)??? How the fuck.

🖤 - What's something that will instantly make them dismiss someone as a romantic partner

Temperamental behavior. While flirting and playing that game of feeling one another out, dropping hints and both parties are clearly passing hints of interest is one thing. Vil doesn't like being totally blind and playing guessing games for indefinitely prolonged periods.

He'll indulge in flirting if he likes them, he'll even play around in the beginning because that's how he flirts and tests this supposed crush but when it starts dragging on and the person he's talking to gets dodgy, displays traits of lying or overall sketchy behavior, switches it up, and gives him the feeling like he's looking crazy for wanting to pursue something with the other person, he'll drop it. No questions asked.

Hot and cold behavior isn't cute. The guessing game isn't cute. He loves teasing but when he has to stop and ask himself what's happening and take himself into the third person to self-reflect and think about how the other person is making him look in front of other people, he'll lose interest quickly. Especially if he feels like he's being played for a fool, that's a good way to get hated and/or ignored lmfao.

Vil would likely feel inclined to just cut them out without feeling the need to communicate it - why shouldn't he? If the person he's seeing isn't communicating anything to him and making him feel stupid, why should he give them the respect of explaining where he's at and asking? It's obvious there's something off. This is a waste of time. Thank you, next. :/

romance Our Queen: Vil (your cheat sheet)

[blackvahana]

Endless meat: pt1

next on the list is absolutely an endless source of food except apparently one that eats you as you eat it and throws you into hallucinations. Yippie! dont know what Im going to do with all these.

It comes to me as like a damn ham hock type thing, which triggers Wolf Spirit instincts that are very... well. basically Wolf is saying "oh yes we (animals) are drawn to this and we eat this and see nothing wrong with it". it wants to contribute that animal understanding to it so. sure. in the mix. the animal understanding of meat and the attraction to it ignoring possible red flags, this meat is laced with mercury and that is indetectable to the average animal.

Actually, it's looking less realistic the more I look at it. It's falling off the bone like... vegan boiled dough chicken honestly, but its good. I suppose then now's as good a time as any to mix the hunger aspect into it - it smells like honeyed meat, strange, exotic spices. it does indeed need to look more realistic. Im struggling with that though because... what. am i going to just leave this around my house. out in the open. Im not going to do anything with it because thats A Little Unethical so making it more easily - no. this is about practice

alright. meat it is then. raw meat. full of eyes, each cell of muscle tissue holds an eye.

oh god. here's the ocean again lmfao.

-

Bone staff pt1 (retrospective labelling)

i am so distracted at this. I left it for a minute, now its dripping silver sea water which is fantastic. and by dripping silver sea water i mean its like mucous mercury sea water and its. mucous. yeah. well. the eyes in it are certainly turning this into something else

i have a huge temptation now to turn it into a staff and i think i might do that lmfao. an old bone flute, huge, imposing, singing of the world in old, old tongues. yeah, this material is going in a new direction now.

the sea flows, the song does. like a pipe organ fuelled by the air pushed through a cave blowhole by the ocean, covered in old lost languages of the ancestors of the modern beings... its definitely still getting the Hunger shit though lmfao. The clock ticks, this is its hand. The elder plays music around the communal fire, this is his flute. the birds fly over heralding the storm, this is the storm.

Its having this weird ringing effect, definitely like a bell, definitely an instrument - oh hi lev. levs here to Investigate

[gynandromorph]

hope you don’t mind me piggybacking off of this but “non-binary lesbian” can obviously refer just as much to feminine afab lesbians frequently accused of Just Being Cis as it does transmasculine butches (and it can also refer to amab lesbians of any variety, but we’re going to leave them out of it because we’re talking about transmasculinity, which is specifically transing to masculinity from assigned femininity), which sometimes slips my mind -- drawing all of those pride flags reminded me. i’d hate to imply that solidarity with both these types of non-binary lesbians and transmasc lesbiarents isn’t possible, but i feel more solidarity with the former rather than the latter because the former hasn’t been continuously forced on me as a label for access to medical needs. i wish that the construction and proliferation of transmasculine solidarity would take more care about this, the fact that the term is meant to include people based on an uncontrollable element of their life (AGAB) and a set of actions with no technical gender (transitioning medically), and that not every transmasc lesbian is okay with getting read as Just Some Guy all the time. i dunno, i have many feelings about it, mainly of alienation from this community that i am nonetheless tethered to on a technicality. i honestly don’t have just Lesbian Feelings about this but agender feelings about it lmfao

[lesbeet]

don't reblog

i'm seeing people arguing about rsd again and it's so frustrating lmao. in an ideal world we'd be able to say "yeah this term exists bc it's useful to have language to describe the experience of intense emotional distress that tends to follow rejection in people who have difficulty regulating our emotions" (imo "rejection sensitivity" doesn't do justice to how debilitating the experience can be and adding "dysphoria" helps to describe it more accurately. plus i feel like it does a better job of focusing on the aftermath feeling of said rejection vs like.... being overly anxious about potential rejection, which can obviously develop as a safeguard against the potential distress but is distinct from the distress itself, if that makes sense?)

but instead we need to sit and argue about whether it's been neurologically proven and whether it's "real" or not and whether it can be listed as A Symptom of ADHD as if that isn't feeding into the exact psychiactric framework the people "debunking" rsd are supposedly attempting to dismantle lmfao

and once again as always, rather than discussing these things with compassion and empathy and understanding just how helpful and affirming it can be to discover terminology and precedent and community for an intensely upsetting and debilitating experience, and how that might make people hesitant to then discard that terminology etc, people are just like "just shut up about rsd it's not real and you idiots know nothing!"

like NOTHING is real dude we're talking about psychology lmfao. i just...... yes it's incredibly annoying that people are making erroneous claims about adhd but honestly who cares! if people are using dumbass tumblr users as sole authorities for self diagnosis i think we have a bigger problem than deciding if rsd is a valid term to use.

personally i think there's an issue with people discussing rsd as if it's a chronic symptom rather than an acute experience ("i have rsd, so i felt/behaved in such and such way" vs "this situation is triggering rsd in me and i am currently feeling/behaving in such and such way in response") bc the former allows for the same kind of nonsense where people feel like having certain symptoms or disorders absolves them from harmful behavior, or even prevents them from attempting to find healthy ways to handle the problem bc they're resigned to it being a part of them forever. i think that's harmful and doesnt help even those people who do find comfort in having a label for that experience. but that's not the argument im seeing right now!

like all of you are half-right and missing the point lmfao but that's just my two cents

[detectivehole]

what would you (& anyone who sees this) call a person who’s attracted to both (or all?) genders but in a. platonic way? like i’d go around thinking guys and girls are hot but do i wanna date or bang any of them? nah. or is this just called appreciating beauty and nothing to do with my sexuality LMFAO

i want to state first that labels and identities are for the convenience of their user- if you can't find one that works, don't want what you see, or just don't care, you don't have to have one, or you can invent your own. if you feel you must have one to participate in the LGBTQ community, discard that feeling; if you think you belong there that's enough, it needs no known name, and no one in any real life queer spaces will ever quiz your or question you or anything. if you're respectful and kind and think you may have a space there then you'll always be welcome

anyway: well that could be lots of things.

everyone is able to and does actually appreciate the human aesthetics of every kind of body and person, and that appreciation doesn't inherently hold any weight in determining your identity in any way. i genuinely think a great many people are truly beautiful every day, but i hold no interest in any of them

you could also be ace, if you conflate your appreciation with distinctly non-sexual attraction (you said you don't desire to date, but i know that society puts a ridiculous weight on sexual attractions when exploring romance and it's often hard to separate them, even in your own head, which makes identifying a lack of interest in just one hard)

similarly to above, you could also be aro, if your feelings are more distinctly non-romantic (and just as above again, it's hard to separate romance and sex with the influence of expectations, etc etc)

you may also be ace/aro, but desire a queer platonic relationship- now i don't actually know much about those, but they seem to be intimate relationships beyond typical friendships but lacking any distinctly romantic or sexual feelings, which would match your (admittedly vague) description somewhat. if that pings anything in you could could look into that further

or you could be none of these things, or all of them, or some of them- if you want. like i said there's no pressure and no rules and it doesn't have to matter if you don't want it too. id say if you wanna look for definitions and answers then you should, but only if you're having fun; don't worry about this sort of thing

[paniceia]

. . .    if  you  superimpose  the  script  of  the  g*dfather  i  over  that  of  the  g*dfather  ii  ,    you’ll  see  how  the  everything  closes  in  on  michael  while  he  moves  further  away  not  only  from  his  conscience  but  also  from  his  family   -----   the  events  move  one  step  closer  to  michael’s  personal  life ,  while  he  moves  two  steps  further  away  from  his  family  and  roots  ;         the  opening  scenes  both  feature  a  celebration ,   and  while  the  scene  in  the  g*dfather  i  is  a  celebration  of  ethnic  background ,   colour ,   and  represents  the  heart  of  the  italian  community  at  its  most   finest ,    in  the  g*dfather  ii ,   we’re  presented  with  a  sterile ,   gentrified  version  of  that .     removed  from  new  york ,   the  corleone’s  are  strangers  in  a  stranger’s  land  in  nevada ,   where  no  italian  community  exists  the  way  it  does  in  new  york .    

the  cheerful  and  upbeat  atmosphere ,   with  johnny  fontane’s  singing  ,   and  the  rendition  of  che la luna mezzo mare ,  in  which  everybody  takes  part  in ,  even  mamma  corleone ,   against  a  background  of  sprightly  dancing  and  merriment  is  replaced  by  a  local  boys’  choir  (  practically  blueprints  for  anglo - saxon  americans  aka  wasps (  re:  white  on  arrival  by  thomas  a  guglielmo  )  all  blue - eyed  angelic  faces  ) ,   with  the  guests  taking  no  part  in  the  celebration ,   instead  opting  to  sit  a  comfortable  distance  away  and  observe  two  dancers  tango .     any  attempts  to  inject  ethnic  italian  verve  is  met  with  ridicule  -----   the  mispronunciation  of  the  corleone’s  name ,   the  mockery  of  pentangeli  when  he  attempts  to  get  the  band  to  play  tarantella  neapoletana .   this  contempt  towards  the  italian - american  way  of  life  only  grows  more  and  more  prominents  as  the  attacks  on  michael  become  more  and  more  personal  ---  almost  claustrophobic .    

furthermore ,   the  family  structure  is  gone .   in  the  g*dfather  i ,   we  see  the  corleone’s  at  their  height  of  their  closeness ,  in  the  g*dfather  ii ,   the  close - knit  family  hierarchy  is  gone ,  fredo  is  married  to  a  non - italian ,  so  is  michael ,   connie  is  twice - divorced  and  neglectful  of  her  children ,  a  degeneration  and  subversion  of  the  images  and  themes  in  the  g*dfather  i .   whatever  semblance  of  a  family  is  completely  shattered  at  the  end  of  the  g*dfather  ii ,  with  only  michael  left  standing .    

the  attacks  become  more  personal .   while  don  corleone  was  met  with  respect ,  and  the  attack  on  his  life  could  be  labelled  strictly  business  (   i  think  in  the  script  michael  says  to  sonny  that  it’s  strictly  business ?   but  they  changed  it  in  the  movie ,   i  need  to  check  this  lmfao   )    senator  geary  makes  it  more  than  clear  what  his  opinion  of  michael  and  his  family  is ,   and  the  attack  on  michael’s  life  is  one  that  happens  in  his  own  home ,  in  his  bedroom  even .   (   &  it’s  ironic  that  it  even  happens  earlier  in  the  g*dfather  ii  than  it  does  in  the  g*dfather  i ,  very  iconic  in  the  linguistic  sense  ,  the  acceleration  of  degeneration    )

and  don’t  even  get  me  started  on  how  this  degredation ,   this  corruption  seeps  into  the  family .    nearer  to  michael  .   in  the  g*dfather  i ,  betrayal  comes  at  the  hands  not  of  an  insider  corleone ,  but  the  outsider  brother - in - law  carlo  (  who  ironically  comes  from  nevada  where  all  the  action  in  the  g*dfather  ii  takes  place lol  ) ,   but  in  the  g*dfather  ii ?   fucking  fredo  stabs  michael  in  the  back  .    &  pentangeli ,   who  ‘inherited’  the  corleone’s  home  in  new  york ,   who  lives  in  their  home!!! ,  betrays  michael .   (   sidenote ,   am  i  using  michael  instead  of  ‘betrays  the  family’  on  purpose  here ?   maybe  ) 

and  then  the  murders ,   in  tgf i ,   they  were  necessary ,   to  cement  the  business  and  the  family’s  position ,   but  in  tgf ii  ?   roth  is  pretty  much  a  walking  corpse ,  and  fredo ?   he’s  a  baby !  a  fool  !   an  idiot  !    and  no  longer  represents  a  threat  !     pentangeli  was  going  to  spend  time  in  prison  anyway ,  so  like  fredo ,   he  wasn’t  going  to  be  a  threat ,   but  michael  kills  him  anyway  .   

the  g*dfather i  and  the  g*dfather  ii  are  an  exploration  of  michael’s  corruption  and  a  study  of  his  moral  degredation ,   until  he  has  nothing  in  the  end  ---   not  himself ,  not  his  family ,   nothing .     siri  play  hurt  by  johnny  cash   < / 3

[brandossss]

( tommy martinez , 24 , cismale ) i  just  bumped  into  brando  esparza  the  other  day  while  walking  down  east  kingsboro , where  he  lives . i  hear  they  can  be  brave  and  impatient , but  when  i  think  of  them  i  immediately  think  of  ( venezuelan  pride , curly  hair , going  to  the  gym  literally  everyday ) 

tw : communism , corruption , poverty , violence , death  ( suicide )

full  name : brando  nicolas  estefano  esparza

nicknames : just  brando , if  he  really  fucks  with  you  you  can  get  away  with  teasingly  calling  him  brandy , but  not  even  lolol

gender : cismale

height :  6 ′ 2

age : 24

birthday : august  4 , 1996

zodiac : leo  ( aries  moon , capricorn  ascendant )

right  handed  or  left  handed : ambidextrous , but  basically  right  handed 

eye  color : light  brown

hair  color : dark  brown

piercings  &  tattoos : no  piercings , this  tattoo  of  venezuela  right  here , but  on  his  left  wrist 

languages  spoken : spanish ( native  tongue ) and  english

sexuality : pansexual / panromantic

place  of  birth : maracay , venezuela

last  3  songs  listened  to : llueve  sobre  la  ciudad  by  los  bunkers , yo  te  esperare  by  cali  y  el  dandee , soñe  ( unplugged )  by  zoé

so  brando  was  born  to  yessenia  olivares  and  bruno  esparza  in  maracay , venezuela . originally , he  wasn’t  supposed  to  be  named  brando . a  fun  fact  &  random  little  headcanon  is  that  his  mother  &  father  had  the  full  intention  of  naming  him  brandon , after  his  grandfather  ( or  father’s  father ) , who  passed  a  week  before  he  was  born . being  both  parents’  first  born , his  father  got  super  nervous  during  his  mother’s  labor  &  basically ? got  really  wasted  because  he  was  practically  crapping  his  pants  about  his  son  being  born . when  he  went  to  sign  his  birth  certificate , he  was  so  drunk , he  literally  forgot  to  write  the  ‘ n ’  in  brandon . once  they  realized  the  mistake  his  father  had  made , they  didn’t  want  to  go  through  the  annoyance  of  changing  his  name , so , they  went  with  brando , and  surprisingly ? it  really  stuck  &  everyone  loved  it  more  than  brandon  kdjvcndfkcmn

he  was  an  average  kid  tbh . his  family  was  middle  class  &  even  though  his  country  had  been  struggling  ( for  the  lack  of  a  better  word )  for  years  now , he  didn’t  fully  feel  the  economic  fall  at  first , of  course . now  fast  forward  a  few  years  &  shit  is  changing  right  before  his  eyes , and  he’s  really ? just  a  kid

pretty  much  communism  coming  to  it’s  finest  point  tbh . all  these  restaurants , stores , businesses , all  these  places  brando  used  to  go  to  when  he  was  younger ? done  with , or  just  government  owned  &  a  blink  away  from  breaking  completely . it’s  actually  really  sad  because  he’s  literally  watching  it  all  happen , watching  his  country  go  down  the  drain  &  there’s  really  nothing  he  can  do  to  stop  it

his  father  becomes  an  active  protester , along  with  many  other  angry  venezuelans , but  this  does  more  bad  than  good . eventually  his  father  gets  arrested  at  a  protest  when  brando  is  11  years  old . that  was  over  a  decade  ago  &  up  to  this  very  day , present  time , brando  has  no  idea  where  his  father  is , if  he’s  well , or  if  he’s  even  alive  tbh  ( talk  about  trauma ? ) . it’s  like  one  day  he’s  coming  home , giving  his  only  son  a  hug , &  the  next  day , he  completely  vanished  from  planet  earth , as  if  he’s  some  high  profile  serial  killer  when  really , he  was  just  protesting  the  shit  communist  government  they’re  living  in 

it’s  just  brando  &  his  mom  from  that  point  on . of  course , things  just  get  worse  with  time . i’m  not  gonna  get  into  details  but  basic  poverty  &  communism  tbh . they’re  hungry , they’re  broke , the  country  is  just  getting  worse  &  worse  with  each  passing  moment  ( hyper  inflation , food  scarcity , severe  corruption , government  abuse , do  i  even  need  to  go  on ? ) . all  these  things  anger  brando  to  no  extent  &  he  finds  himself  releasing  his  anger  with  his  fists . it’s  getting  into  random  fights  for  no  reason  &  screaming  at  anyone  who  even  looks  at  him  weirdly , pretty  much  becoming  an  angry  ass  kid 

TW : SUICIDE , READ  WITH  CAUTION !! things  are  bad  but  they  really  hit  rock  bottom  when  his  mother , surprisingly , commits  suicide . brando  finds  her  foaming  at  the  mouth , a  clear  overdose , but  by  the  time  they  make  it  to  the  hospital , she’s  pronounced  dead . literally  a  15  year  old  boy , alone , in  venezuela .... honestly  terrifying . brando  literally  doesn’t   know  where  to  go ? on  top  of  the  trauma  he’s  holding  he’s  worried  about  his  living  arrangements  as  well . luckily , a  friend  of  his  allows  him  to  stay  at  his  house  a  few  nights  but  this  is  just  temporary

he  just  really  wants  to  leave  his  country  but  he  feels  completely  stuck . he’s  depressed  &  angry  as  fuck  but  he’s  determined  to  get  out  somehow . brando  eventually  contacts  a  family  friend  on  facebook  ( aka  claudia’s  mom ? ) &  tells  them  his  situation . it  seems  to  touch  this  woman’s  heart  so  much , she , wait  for  it , brings  him  over  to  the  states . he  spends  his  16th  birthday  in  america , with  claudia  &  her  family . the  year  is  2012 

very  slowly , but  things  begin  getting  better  for  him . he’s  enrolled  into  school  &  pretty  much  gets  guided  through  everything  thanks  to  claudia . they  are  not  blood  related , but  their  families  were  so  close  at  one  point  that  they’re  pretty  much ? cousins  tbh ! literally  not  blood  related  but  still  family

with  his  dedication  &  ambition  he  pretty  much  catches  on  completely  in  less  than  3  years  ( learning  english  of  course ) , he  loses  his  accent  completely  after  4 . he  goes  through  a  whole  adoption  thing  with  claudia’s  family  until  he  thankfully  gains  american  residency  thanks  to  them , which  of  course , eventually  leads  him  to  citizenship . instead  of  picking  fights  with  people  for  no  reason , brando  takes  out  his  anger  with  physical  activity , becoming  very  much  involved  in  going  to  the  gym , or  even  just  exercising  by  himself . whether  it’s  leg  day , boxing , whatever  it  is , he  loves  any  type  of  physical  work , since  it  keeps  his  mind  distracted 

this  has  pretty  much  lead  him  to  have  quite  a  #body  tbh . like .... it’s  hella  obvious  he  works  out  kdndjndjvnfd

he  also  developed  a  hobby  for  piano , after  taking  piano  classes  in  high  school , beginning  of  freshman  year . he’s  been  playing  since  he  was  16 , eventually  buying  a  crap  keyboard  when  he  was  17 . he  does  piano  covers  on  youtube , but  again , this  is  really  just  a  hobby  of  his 

DEATH  TW !! after  the  passing  of  claudia’s  parents , her  &  brando  move  to  kingsboro  when  they’re  both  19 ! they  share  an  apartment  with  lemon

on  top  of  that , he’s  a  bartender  @  blue ! he’s  also  a  personal  trainer . literally  lifting  24/7  for  him .... bless

he  enjoys  drinking  on  weekends  &  letting  loose  every  once  in  a  while  but  i  don’t  think  he’s  crazy  about  weed  tbh . he  thinks  the  feeling  is  nice , but  he  hates  how  it  makes  you  hungry . would  never  go  out  of  his  way  to  buy  weed  &  basically  only  smokes  it  if  he’s  offered , preferring  alcohol , but  again , he  mostly  just  exercises  &  eats  right , not  really  having  any  addictions  of  any  kind , just  little  hobbies  every  one  in  a  while

brando  honestly ? considers  himself  lucky , despite  all  the  terrible  things  he’s  been  through . he  feels  lucky  that  he  left  before  things  got  really , really bad , even  though  they  were  already  pretty  awful  tbh . anyone  who  hears  his  story  would  think  he’s  anything  but  fortunate  but  the  truth  of  the  matter  is  that  he’s  one  of  the  lucky  ones . not  every  venezuelan  has  had  the  opportunity  to  leave  &  he  just  feels  very  fortunate  that  he  was  one  of  the  few  that  did 

he’s  not  the  type  to  take  anything  for  granted  tbh , very  much  the  type  of  person  who  appreciates  everything  he  has , no  matter  how  small . you  could  literally  get  him  a  present  from  the  dollar  store  for  christmas  &  he  would  still  be  super  happy  about  it . for  him , it’s  the  thought  &  time  put  into  something  that  counts , not  the  price , or  the  brand 

he  very  much  struggled  with  his  sexuality  for  years . not  because  he  was  in  denial  or  ashamed  or  anything , but  for  the  longest  time , he  kind  of  just  didn’t  know  what  he  was ? sometimes  he  thought  he  was  straight  but  undergoing  a  phase , other  times  he  wondered  if  he  was  gay , then  he  considered  himself  bi  for  a  really  long  time . the  truth  is  that  he  didn’t  fully  understand  his  sexuality  up  until  not  too  long  ago , when  he  began  hanging  with  an  lgbtq+  crowd . eventually , he  realizes  society  basically  labels  him  as  ‘ pansexual ’ , but  he  doesn’t  even  really  like  to  label  himself ? brando  just  falls  in  love  with  the  person , with  their  soul , &  he  doesn’t  care  what  they  have  underneath  tbh 

i  haven’t  fully  figured  him  out  yet  because  he’s  a  new  character  but  i  picture  he  can  be  such  a  stereotypical  leo  sometimes , but , his  whole  #capricorn  ascendant  really  does  take  place  for  him , in  the  sense  that  he  can  be  a  very  difficult  person  to  read  sometimes . like  is  he  happy ? is  he  upset ? is  that  just  his  face ? is  he  planning  something ? you  will  rarely  ever  know  tbh 

he’s  a  very  humble  person , probably  because  of  his  childhood . he  hates  show  offs  tbh , or  very  rich  people  with  no  consideration  for  anyone . literally .... miss  him  with  that  bullshit  lmfao . he  finds  the  entire  snobby  or  ‘ i’m  better  than  you ’ attitudes  to  be  so  unattractive  tbh ? you  could  be  the  hottest  person  on  the  planet  but  if  he  hates  your  attitude  you  really  just  don’t  matter  to  him  lolol

over  all  he’s  a  lot  calmer  than  he  was  before  tbh . he  still  has  his  moments  but  he’s  a  pretty  stable  guy  in  the  sense  that  he  no  longer  wants  to  beat  up  everything  or  anyone  he  see’s . he  still  has  a  ton  of  issues  to  work  on  but  basically  just  doesn’t  wanna  go  to  therapy  &  doesn’t  really  talk  about  his  past  at  all , preferring  to  ‘ live  in  the  present ’  even  though  talking  about  his  issues  &  sharing  his  pretty  shitty  story  would  definitely  help  him  clear  out  his  head  but  🥴 it  honestly  probably  won’t  happen  &  he’ll  probs  just  keep  burying  shit  LMFAOOOO

very  very  hard  working  guy , ambition  like  crazy , always  gives  his  all  in  anything  he  feels  strongly  about , he’s  very  good  at  persuading  people  tbh , usually  gets  told  he’d  make  a  ‘ great  lawyer ’  because  he  just  has  this  way  of  convincing  you  like ? he  would  never  become  a  lawyer  but  the  truth  is  that  he  would  make  a  great  one , persuasion  skills  like  a  MF 

this  is  all  i  can  think  of  now  but  i  did  his  birth  chart  ting  🖤 

[mleemdragon]

why are you speaking on bisexual issues if u arent bi u need to literally shut the fuck up lmfao

Why are you speaking on pan issues if you arent pan then?

Im speaking on "bi issues" because im not a fucking idiot who thinks you cant have specific labels, and im also not the kind of dumbass who thinks the bi manifesto doesn't include mspecs. Spoiler alert, i read it, it does.

It also becomes not just bi issues when you attack another minority sexuality. Its not just bi issues when you drag an innocent community into your bullshit.

It's not bi issues. It's just bigotry.

Maybe you are the one who should shut the fuck up.

[passionandpurposeblog-blog]

Sexuality: No More to say and so over it

A few months after my long term girlfriend and I split up, I ended up in bed with Phillip, A nice guy that I’d known for some time. During the post-sex talk, he turns and asks “So does that mean you’re straight now?” 

“LMFAO” 

‘You’ve got a nice cock and I had a great orgasm, …..but you haven’t awoken anything in me that wasn’t already there. You cannot ‘make’ me straight and no one forced me to fuck you’ 

Infact, No one else would sexually awaken anything in me. Not the next guy after Phil, or the guy after that guy, or the girl after the guy after Phil. The list goes on and the list started waaaay back into my early teens. I've always been open, I was experimenting with drugs and people at a young age, I had a threesome with a guy and a girl when I was just 18. When I look back, I must admit that was very young for such an experience, but I just went with the flow. I don’t regret it, but I wish I had done it at a later age to really make the most of it and have the emotional maturity that you need to go with it. 

I’ve been listening to an interview with Kate Pierson (B52’s) and she has recently married her long term partner, a woman that she has dated for 15 years. She said that she had always dated men, and was even married before and that this lady came along and bang she was in love, just like that. Kate Pierson is now 71, So this is her 55-year-old self experiencing a major transition and shift in her life. Whilst trawling through the B52s back catalog online I read so many comments from random fans. ‘She's a lesbian’ ‘I never knew’ ‘But she was married to so and so’ and this is exactly the snooze fest that I am writing about today. Yawn...... If she spent 40 years with different men and now met a woman, perhaps shes just er just bisexual? And more importantly, shouldn’t we be interested in the music and her voice? As much as I love her, when all is said and done I don’t really want to think about the bedroom antics of a 71-year-old yknow.  

What is it with the labels?  

It’s like no one is comfortable until they know exactly which box you belong in, and if you stray from that box then their tiny minds scramble and system overload occurs. ‘ANNOUNCE YOURSELF AT ONCE’ ‘What are you?’ and ‘Don’t you dare have options or change, it doesn’t fit with the label I’ve prescribed you’.  

Before we label Kate a lesbian, how about we mention that she’s a brilliant talented vocalist with over 40 years in the band? Or is that how we are defining her now ‘The lesbian’?. *Insert laughing emoji here* 

“Bisexuals always get dumped on,” says Cynthia Nixon from Sex in the City...The Media has too labeled her a lesbian when much like Kate Pierson, she was in fact with men and entered into this new world later on in her life. It’s like now we must erase her whole previous life and deny that any man has ever come close to her! How dare she now turnaround and say she's’ attracted to men! How fucking dare she, she’s lesbian property now and she has no voice! She never said she was anything, You did!   

I thought, ‘I get it! I get You, I just get it’. She’s attracted to people, they may be male or they may be female yet shes being kettled to a place she never asked to be. It really is that simple. Should her current relationship end, nothing stops her going back to men, dating another woman or even staying single. Your past partners do not mean that your future self is set in stone. It’s not difficult to understand really is it?  

But! And there is a But!  

Say Cinthia and her gf/wife did break up and she dated a man. She won’t find it that easy, because of what I call, the whole ‘lesbian fragility’ - Gay women who pride themselves on being with women and only women and god fucking forbid should you show any interest in a guy. Well, You are now damaged goods my girl. A sell-out, banished!....exiled from the pride....like the Lioness in last weeks BBC Planet Earth. How can you and the gay community ever really watch the L Word again together or listen to Ani Difranco in the same way? ‘It’s just not the same’ they’ll whine.  

I’m being serious. There is a reverse discrimination within the gay community! I’ve seen it first hand. I’ve seen a few women in same sex relationships end, then go for a guy and their ‘friends’ no longer feel the same way about them, there’s no time to hang out anymore and she is “too busy with her straight friends”.  

Awwwww did someone emasculate you? 

I’ve never really enjoyed the company of gay women if I'm honest. I always found their friendships forged on sharing of sexual preference rather than common interest, views or hobbies. I usually think their haircuts are shit and they present me with this feeling where they are unsure if they want to fuck me or fight me. Very awkward, not to mention its a very childish and incestuous scene.  

I have seen this so many times with women, either in a same sex or opposite and then switch later on down the line which is what I mean about experience and just understanding those around you. I think a lot of women are on the bi spectrum. Not all, no, but a lot are, and sexuality is fluid.  About three months ago my cock hungry straight friend told me she’d met some woman online and is now having the best sex of her life! Great, wonderful, Whoppie.  So how do I label her? …....‘Err Mary’......... I label her Mary. I can’t really call her cock hungry right now, so I’ll just label her ‘Hungry Mary’. 

One of my oldest friends is gay – full blown lesbian, never been with a guy but totally cool with every bi girl that has. She and I sit on a different part of the spectrum, but she gets it and like myself she gives those around her that mutual respect and safe space to be who they are. If she turned around tomorrow and said she’s dating a guy, I wouldn’t be shocked, not because she has ever indicated that she likes guys, but simply because people change.  

I know three guys that have also experimented with other guys, would identify as straight and two of the three have long term girlfriends and kids. I just think at the time they took the ‘any holes a goal’ attitude and like my younger self, just went with the flow. 

As we age and grow the fuck up, this should be more accepted and we should just allow people to do who and what they want without the questions, especially the silly questions. It’s really mind numbingly boring, not to mention so nosey!? Jeez, get your own life in order. Despite my ramblings, I'm actually a pretty private person.  I just don’t discuss my private life or anyone I’m dating, I have so many transient non-committal interactions with people that I just don’t feel I need to. 

 I’ve been chatting to some people for ages, and I still wouldn’t discuss parts of my life with them. I keep my circle so small, and If we don’t click like that, we don’t click like that. It’s cool, because there is far more to me and far more to you than who we have in our beds right? I cant imagine meeting someone and asking them, “so what are ya?” CRINGE. I’d die. I’ve got some friends that I’ve spoken to for years, we’ve had really great conversations and it’s never occurred to me to stop and ask ‘do you have a partner? Are you gay?’  

The small circle of friends that I have know me, they get me and that’s my safe space.  

I do find some of the questions and statements really annoying, and if I’m honest just plain weird. I have an irritating male friend in that likes to continually remind me that I’m attracted to women, and of course, there is no way that I can be attracted to men, because I’m not attracted to him..... *eye roll* Dick! It’s like me saying to someone, ‘but you said you like mixed raced girls, so why don’t you like me’ it’s really really weird and it makes me feel uncomfortable. Its uncomfortable because he cannot address or acknowledge his own fascination with bisexuality and cannot stop mentioning it every time he sees me? He makes out he is cool and open-minded, yet I seem to be the topic of convo or butt of his jokes. Address your homophobia or your weird unrequited sexualisation of me whatever the issue is. Seek help mate, Your issue not mine. 

I cannot recall being asked what two women do in bed, but I have heard of it being asked to other people. It’s hilarious. I honestly believe that if you are over 25 and cannot work that out then you have a really dull imagination and I’d bet you are not very experienced. Not necessarily in bedding two women at once, but just in experiencing people; hearing their stories, watching porn, understanding their anatomy and physiology. OR You are being a menace and condescending..... I’ve never seen two men at it live, but I’m pretty sure I know how it goes down ;-)  

Sometime ago I spent a fair amount of time at a bdsm sex dungeon helping out an old friend. Id mostly film her sessions, and now and then Id help out by giving some guys the odd little kick in the nuts etc. Boy, I could write a whole new blog on that experience LOL! I saw some things!  

Meeting all the different types of people that came in the dungeon really opened my eyes to the world of sex and sexuality and just what turns people on. You really cannot judge what people are into, and you’d never know. It’s funny, the ‘geezers’ that make the gay jokes about bumming are often the same ones that ask the women to wear strap ons ;-). People have their quirks and their kinks, they just hide it well BELIEVE me. 

I’ve seen a lot and I’m very open and not much phases me, but because I’m not phased, or excited by the gossip or the fascination of it all I'm over it. …....over the labels, the questions, the presumptions, opinions and the basic inability to let people do what they want in peace. So because of this I decided a long time ago that I’m actually over my sexuality and stopped speaking about it  back in my twenties. 

Yawn.  

No one owns me and no one dictates.

I’m not anything, I’m just me in that particular point of time. No path is set and I answer to no one except who’s in my bed. 

Keep your own truth

[deveharrington]

[12 new theories on Gillovny] Chicago panel analysis (body language and words) + Why was David so tense at the panel? My conclusion: Gillovny was definitely real. Now, Gillian has moved on but David hasn't. Could it be that he resents her for moving on? Or maybe it is not solely about closing Gillovny - maybe David just cannot put down his burdens altogether.

(Also, anons, thanks so much for the really excellent asks. They are next on my list of things to address. I just wanted to get this out there while its still fresh in my mind.)

David, I’m getting tired of you. Maybe Gillian got tired of you. Maybe she got tired of you giving nothing, just like you did at this panel. 

We are poking a lot of fun and speculating at the difference in their careers right now but actually, maybe it all boils down to one fundamental difference: 

Gillian can admit what she is passionate about. 

David cannot.

Maybe David thinks that leaving things open all the time is giving him freedom, but it is doing the opposite. Without commitment he cannot build things up. Without understanding or at least admitting the meaning behind his actions, he cannot hope to receive a meaningful reward for his efforts. 

💣 [THEORY 52] Maybe David cannot put in the work for the Gillovny relationship because he doesn't want to admit how important this relationship is to him. Maybe he is afraid of his past experiences in relationships repeating themselves. Maybe applying the label of importance would bring with it the risk of loss. And, by contrast, the “relationship” with Monique, for him, represents anti-risk. 

💣 [THEORY 53] And, if Gillovny was truly over or it meant nothing for HIM, why would he still be so protective over it? The way he acted in the panel... I mean, I see him as at least a courteous guy. But he seemed so cold towards Gillian, I’m sorry, but thats my perspective. But worry not. To me, this all signifies that he (yet again) is not really able to process and express his deep feelings for Gillian. 

💣 [THEORY 54] *** I just have no doubt, NO DOUBT, that, if anyone who dips a toe into the ocean of Gillovny winds up thinking bout it 24/7, those who are actually living it, meaning, DAVID AND GILLIAN are also thinking about it 24/7. I’d bet my life on it. I know it. I KNOW IT. 

Their self-expressions right now are no doubt connected to their experience of coping with the closing stage of their relationship. And here’s some fun, pure trash speculation, original RPF: I wonder who is more frustrated that they failed yet AGAIN? 

Now that we’ve got some video evidence, let’s analyze it until it is dead and buried!

Here is a table of contents of what I picked up on during the panel: 

David could not bring himself to look at Gillian most of the time or at appropriate times. 

David was giving nothing. His presence was also like nothing, like he didn’t want to instigate any conversations. He seemed on the defensive 100% of the time.  [+ Theories: is he hiding something? And theory on him giving nothing.]

David was extremely suspicious of a fan who was filming while he asked a question. [+ Theory: on david’s real feelings towards social media]

David talking about acting as being “lonely”, and then backtracking himself? And what he said about solo vs communal work. [+ Theory: needing control in a relationship/in general]

David cutting Gillian off with a joke when she was talking about “spending time with your other loved ones” on set. 

David avoided her gaze very obviously when they were trying to answer who has the control during sex. Like, he was completely still in the panel but when this came up he rolled his whole head away from her. lmfao. 

Gillian rolled her head back when asked, “how is your relationship in real life similar to Scully and Mulder?”

David on the defensive about the msr/gillovny connection, saying its too personal (but when in the past has he ever had shame about being too personal? lmfao)

David: “if you give away the trick, it’s not magic.” And what he said about thinking too deeply. 

Gillian: “did you just say great daddy-o ? lmao! oh Gillian, AWKWARD.

(1) David could not bring himself to look at Gillian. 

Sorry to be sappy but its like when you can’t look at someone you can’t have or you just can’t look at something period because it hurts you.

Also, maybe we can consider this side by side with @sembell’s account of David staring at the photo of him and Gillian from 2 years ago. I mean... I just... *cries forever*.

(2) David was giving nothing. As if he didn’t want to bring attention to himself, and he seemed 100% on the defensive the whole time. I think he was really scared of certain questions coming up, or maybe scared of exposing himself through his answers. 

💣 [THEORY 55] Maybe not really related, but let’s try it with Gillovny. Maybe he gives nothing not because he doesn’t care, but because he is afraid that, once he starts building something up, he risks losing more with it in contrast to situations where he keeps things light and meaningless.

Especially if he does not have complete control. And to be fair to him, Gillian has demonstrated that she herself can be a lot to handle. To him, the Gillovny relationship might look like a gamble, and what does this mean for a guy who is averse to gambling and risk? 

(3) David was extremely suspicious of a fan who was filming while he was asking a question. He was pushy about why the fan was filming, for what purpose. Imagining him asking Monique these same questions just made me laugh, lmfao. 

I mean? This was one of the few points in the panel where it seemed like he was actually interacting with a fan? It just raises questions. It led me to speculate:

💣 [THEORY 56] Maybe David IS aware of whats going on on social media but is actually at a loss on how to address it. Not because he can’t figure out twitter or w/e, but maybe he feels what has been seen cannot be unseen, what has been known cannot be unknown. 

Maybe he fears that his reputation has been tainted AGAIN, and right now, because he doesn't have the control over his career that he wants, he can’t really defend himself fully and express himself exactly the way he wants to.

Also, this would kind of denounce my earlier theory that he is in a state of neutrality or apathy. But I am so glad to be proven wrong. Actually, David’s demeanor at the panel made me more sympathetic to him. 

On the bright side, maybe he does want something? He does indeed have a passion of some form. He might want it so bad but is feeling the anxiety of not being able to achieve it?

💣 [THEORY 57] The end of his relationship with Gillian left him feeling inadequate. Hence, the power imbalance “relationship” of the present. 

(4) David talked about acting as being “lonely”, then later backtracked what he said. 

💣  [THEORY 58] Is something on David’s mind? Why would he specifically use the word, “lonely” if that’s not even what he means or necessarily related to the question in the first place?

As for the backtrack, why did he feel the need to backtrack? Because Gillian opposed his viewpoint? Because he realized he had slipped something he didn’t really mean to say? This moment was just odd.

Its like he felt that the word he used was too revealing. This just stood out to me because usually he says his piece and usually its open to interpretation. This was a straightforward statement, then he backtracked. 

But what he said about the communal experience of being a director I thought was great. I saw it as also revealing a bit about him: that he does like control, and he justifies it with giving people their own reign within HIS control. 

💣  [THEORY 59] But what he said about the communal experience of being a director I thought was great. I saw it as also revealing a bit about him: that he does like control, and he justifies it with giving people their own reign within HIS control.

Maybe his relationships are about the same things. Maybe he just values the company of others over the quality of the company. 

I think for sure he also needs control. When he talked about hiring people I don’t know... it struck something in me to speculate that he is also hiring his current company. I don’t know. 

💣  [THEORY 60] On the subject of control, maybe the end of Gillovny left David feeling inadequate for Gillian. Hence, his power imbalance “relationship” of the present. 

(9) David: “if you give away the trick, it’s not magic.” And what he said about thinking too deeply. 

“If you give away the trick, it’s not magic.” Is a wonderful, very telling statement from David.

💣 [THEORY 61] If I were to translate his statement into my interpretation of David-speak, I could imagine him saying, of himself: “If I give away my truth, I will no longer be the fantasy I envision in my head”. 

For example, you could apply this statement to the “relationship” M*nique, as in, he is basically lying about his intentions to her. I think you could also apply this to a number of his actions and maybe even the direction his life is going in. It’s like he’s drawn to fantasy. More evidence: all of his very ambitious projects. Good for him for having goals, I just wish him the best in being able to balance his fantasy WITH reality. 

💣  [THEORY 62] And David said that it simply makes him depressed to think too hard. If that isn’t revealing then I don’t know what is. 

(Also, I can completely relate, I am depressing the hell out of myself with my own theories. BUT I also know that, on the other side of facing those tough facts, is the enlightenment that I seek. It is necessary to work for your own truth. And your truth must in turn guide your actions.)

With David, I noticed he seems to avoid facing the meaning of his actions altogether.

Maybe to David, he knows what when he sees all the connections between his emotions, actions, self-expressions, ambitions, etc. he also sees all his flaws and his past mistakes also contributing to the way he creates his present situation. 

I can understand the senseless action as a coping mechanism. However, in situations where you must genuinely connect with another human being, for example: Gillovny, you cannot afford not to be honest, not to be fully involved. You cannot afford to build that relationship on something false.

** I don’t think David would do that but I'm also speculating that maybe he didn’t really express his true feelings to Gillian as he was feeling them when they were together? Like, he or both of them were just treating it as a light relationship when it actually had a deep meaning for both of them? Is that why, perhaps, in the end she could not trust him completely?

💣  [THEORY 63] I’m starting to think the issue is that he is carrying around his burdens. He is allowing his past to dictate the future. He does not see that he DOES have control over his own future. 

Maybe if he feels like he cannot control his future due to his reputation, this leads him to wanting control (even if it is bought or exploitative control) in his relationships with others? 

Again, I relate it to the trauma of Gillovny ending. His past, in this situation, ended up affecting Gillian as well. Maybe to the point where her suspicions of him (due to their history and his reputation) could have been the source of their breakup. This is an example of his past affecting a relationship he genuinely cared about. 

Hence, the current overcompensation with his need to control things. Notice how a lot of his projects that get cancelled were proposed with him being in the top position of power? For example, he wanted to be the producer of a show right off the bat, but overlooked the fact that, in reality, he would have to climb his way up to that position. 

In short, his need for control right now might actually be hindering his career. 

As always, I went way overboard. Thanks to anyone who reads this!

[washiboy]

I ask you all the Hayley kiyoko asks because they’re cute and I like learning more about my favourite person

THANKS CUTIEEE I LOVE YOU 

sleepover: have you ever liked a friend as more than a friend? did you tell them? if it was in the past, do you wish that you told them?

Yessss,,,, all the time however me and my partner (this dork^^^) were close friends before we got involved and I did not tell them due to the single fact my brain cant handle the thought of anyone liking me or finding me attractive so I didn't think it was Possible lollll but they told me and HERE WE ARE 

curious: do you drink? what’s your favourite drink? what drink isn’t your thing?

Alcohol? Yes, not a lot though. I like cider and cocktails and whisky. Baylee's is my fav fancy drink TM. I dislike beer. Non-alcoholic I love peach concentrate juice, tropical juices, chocolate milk, cherry pepsi 

girls like girls: what’s your sexuality? how did you discover it? or have you just always known?

I ID as pansexual. Not because i’m trans. I just find its the sexuality that best covers the way I feel like I experience sexual and romantic attraction. I labelled myself from when I was around 14 though, and yeah I knew I was queer from a young age since I was exposed to non-straight sexuality.

feelings: how do you think others perceive you? how do you perceive yourself?

I like to think people think I’m nice loll, but the way I act can change drastically based on the person!! Im a lot more confident with close friends and im very dramatic ngdnfdkj

gravel to tempo: have you come out to anyone? if yes, who was the first person you told? if no, do you want to? who would you tell first?

Yes, I think the first person I told about my sexuality was the first girl I had a crush on and the first girl I dated. With my gender, the same person and I were going through gender discovery at the same time. However, she found that she actually felt like a girl in the end, and I realised I was actually a trans guy. 

pretty girl: who was the most recent crush you had? do you still like them? did you tell them/do you want to tell them?

UGH so I get 5 second non-serious crushes alllll the time, but I'm gonna say my partner for this one YES , yes and I love them 

what i need: who are your favourite LGBTQ artists? what are your favourite LGBTQ songs?

Hayley Kiyoko, Jake Edwards

ease my mind: what makes you feel at peace? what is your perfect future like? what do you do at the end of a long day to unwind?

Nature makes me feel at peace. Quiet, sitting in the sun, animals, music, being with my partner. I like to draw to unwind honestly or watch something. 

let it be: who was your worst heartbreak? have you ever been in love? do you even believe in love?

Me and my current partner have been through Some Shit. We are MORE than good now though. we’re perfect. I am currently in love, so yeah it probably exists. 

cliff’s edge: what’s on your bucket list? where would like to travel? what makes your heart race?

I REALLY want to go to Japan, Amsterdam, Mexico, Korea, Florida !! I want to go to Disneyland, Sandiago Comicon, A music festival, get more piercings, ugh so much stuff! My partner, a cute dog, anxiety 

he’ll never love you: were you ever in denial about your sexuality? were you ever in denial of a crush? do you like to talk about your crushes to your friends?

Not reallyyyy, like my sexuality was very chill! Gender was a whole ‘nother thing. Lots of denial there. ugh always lmfao I cant believe anyone would like me.

wanna be missed: how dependent or independent are you in a relationship? do you like a lot of space, or a lot of intimacy? how do you feel about electronic (vs face to face) communication?

I think me and my partner work really well together, we’re co-dependant on each other and mix really well. I like intimacy. I honestly feel like I need face to face communication. 

under the blue/take me in: are you happy where you are right now? if you could change one thing about your life, what would it be? what’s your favourite aspect of yourself?

No.  I will be once I start to medically transition, once I settle into university, and I get help with my mental health. I would love to win the lottery lmfao. I’d solve so many problems that way.

palace: who is your favourite memory? what’s your favourite story with/about them? why don’t you two speak anymore?

I'd say maybe right now my friend Michael. We just grew apart, but we’re cool still. He’s important to me but I dont think he even realises haha 

mercy/gatekeeper: what was a difficult time in your life? what did you do/what are you doing to get through it? who has been the most helpful?

GCSE’s was a very hard time for me. I had a lot going on, and barely made it through it honestly. 

molecules: have you ever lost anyone close to you? if yes, how did it feel at the time and how does it feel now to talk about them? do you fear death?

My cat died, but apart from that I guess the first girl I dated. we were best friends. we still talk a bit, and we are cool. 

one bad night: do you like casual or serious relationships? have you ever done anything illegal, wrong, or stupid for the sake of love?

Serious romantic relationships. I do illegal, wrong and stupid shit all the time 

palm dreams: do you like parties or quiet nights in? would you want to/did you stay in your hometown after moving out? what’s your ideal saturday night like?

Quiet nights in, but I like going to parties with my partner. I’m moving away in like 2 weeks. Just chilling honestly