#doesnt work out for me? I think.. im so accustomed to not being believed and never taken seriously and felt as if i did that

[r029]

I miss when things actually meant things.. Back in the day, relationships actually meant relationships. Love actually meant love. But now.. it's just what people classify things as things that are Ultimately useless and pointless. Getting to know people, actually meant getting to know people without any ulterior motives or at least not as much as now. Now everything's a game, of how to play people, who can manipulate better.. like what the fuvk? What is the fucking point anymore? Why even bother? It's all a waste of time.

[beesmygod]

is 9/11 funny? 🤔

im putting a rare CONTENT WARNING on this post for frank discussion of 9/11. there are no pictures (they are linked and no gore), just words.

i feel compelled to answer this since 9/11 was on my mind lately. very american thing to say lol. anyway: i was thinking about the emotional/social disconnect between generations and how difficult it is to convey how vastly and terrifyingly different things became almost instantaneously. american has been in a freefall since, we've all just become accustomed to the perpetual pit in our stomachs.

9/11 is the point i think most people can point to as the moment when america became completely bugfuck insane

in a complete failure of leadership in a time of legitimate fear and confusion, the american right-wing government used the loss of civilian lives as casus belli to start a war predicated on a complete lie with the sole intention of lining their own pockets. 9/11 has been invoked countless times as america's free pass to run roughshod over the middle east, eliminate personal freedoms, RUIN AIRPORTS FOREVER, and enforce a narrative of victimization in which we were attacked by people we trained and armed ourselves. it's insane how fucking bad the bush years were culturally and its honestly hard to convey to a generation that doesnt know what it was like before all of america started suffering from a gas leak. as such, the attack has come to been associated with opportunists, grifters, warhawks, racists, and the biggest monsters in modern, if not all of, history. no exaggeration.

its human nature to want to sully the sacred. for 20 years it was a surefire way to hit ANY conservatives berserk button instantly. then i guess when trump had to account for one of his classic bangers, conservatives decided they didnt give a shit any more

the older and more cynical/internet poisoned i get, the more i start to sincerely believe that the ongoing attempts to shield people from the gruesome reality of what happens to the human body during a violent death has not done much to improve the human psyche. there are plenty of (good) resources and first-hand accounts about how unhealthy it is to repeatedly expose yourself to human death (like, i dont think its good to sit on ogrish and likeleak all day. it is bad to jack it to human suffering and mutilation lol), but now we completely refuse to engage with it at all. this is the part thats complicated for me lol. i dont think people should be FORCED to look at gore. i dont think it makes you a stronger or "better" person. but exposing myself in small doses to The Horrors has given more more of a uhhhh...understanding. as someone who was a kid and lived literally 3000 miles away, the way the culture shifted around me was significantly different than on the east coast. there really is a lot of information that deserves to be known by more people as common knowledge.

dont worry im not 9/11 truthing lmfao. im talking about things like the oral history of 9/11 book which includes an account from an EMS worker who had to argue with a woman who was just lungs and a head over putting a black triage tag on her. the new york times has an enormous archive of survivor accounts detailing how, in the middle of evacuating the second tower after the first plane hit, they were told to go back to work and stay in their seats, leading to an unforgivable number of needless deaths. there's the families that refuse to accept that their loved ones are "jumpers" in attempts to identify them because jumping to your death is suicide and bars you from heaven. can you fucking imagine? the idea of being forced out of a window because of the unbearable heat and into certain death freefall is horrifying enough to even have to contemplate but to have your family members pass judgement on you for it after would be beyond mortifying.

there's a lot i think about when i think about 9/11, even when i clown on it. the man who tried so hard to climb his way to safety and fell to his death while the camera watched helplessly. the scream of the man on the phone with 911 for almost 20 minutes before the tower fell on him. the sheer, impossible to comprehend scale seen in the photos of people hanging out the windows for air. or what it felt like to see the second plane hit; the ice cold terror of realizing this was not a horrible mistake after all.

ehhh but on the other hand

lol lmfao

[pinkseas]

[parasocial bestie] going by quaggyday's ask if that's ok to intercept- but tbh i agree with that perspective too!! like gosh if anything it's actually a really nice depiction when it comes to defining how xiao's karmic debt works in a realistic sense. cus like, to me in my dumb poopoo terms, that karma is the residual corrupted power from the dead gods yeah? and this comes from either those that are stronger than him or not. what lumine can or cannot get rid of with her purification abilities depends too, and even for her she doesnt know the extent that this unknown ability provides since the start (since it's pretty sudden but useful trait when treating dvalin)

there's plenty of interpretations and fics that get me a lil pressed that ppl wants his karmic debt to ~~disappear completely~~ for a happy end, when how i personally see things it doesnt need to be the case bc its all about his growth. not that xiao needs to be in constant suffering when he already is, still, but that highlights so much of the importance of his support system, the people who can guide him and help lessen the pain with whatever they can manage. and it doesnt have to center to lumine too, which is another common thing that gets me a lil icky in their stories that she's the only person who can save him (and other ppl with the purification ability, which i dont need to mention who).

putting a difference of whats inside karma, between the gods power and chronic pain as an effect is super good and is what i thought of too!! and true as heck that it's something xiao's body has been accustomed to and even if the corruption chips away bit by bit, it doesnt completely rid of whats already damaged and even then, healing comes so slow for an adeptus. especially if the source being dead gods of higher power. this is something his siblings couldnt overcome long enough in their lifespan, and what xiao is still trying to push back (or accept it, and in turn he suffers more of its effects). so like!!! it just makes sense this way imo

i love pondering of his karmic debt being a metaphor of chronic illness cus man is he fighting so hard for it, and the clock always ticks down for him faster than anyone, even as an immortal. which is sad as hell, and we all copiums together how to at least make it a lil easier for xiao yknow. explodes too

"when it comes to defining how xiao's karmic debt works in a realistic sense" real!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! god and with lumine not knowing the extent of her own ability,, and yeah no like. in my perfect world the karmic debt is very under control and no longer agonizing or life threatening but i dont think i could ever believe it going away Completely, and i think that if it DID vanish completely itd be a huge disservice to. everyone involved, xiao included. no he does not deserve to be in pain 24/7 but this is something hes willingly accepted and carried with him for so long, something he probably feels has shaped him, i just. idk itd feel so fucking Weird for it to just magically be completely gone ?? it does something and sends a message i cant figure out how to put into words, as opposed to being able to live with it and in spite of it and show that you dont need to be ""cured"" just to be able to exist and be content and supported and loved.

"the clock always ticks down for him faster than anyone, even as an immortal." IM GOING TO SOB THIS HITS SO HARD AND HURTS SO BAD GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDD what if we exploded Together. what then.

[shyrose57]

Part 2 with da angst

2: Young Ranbob did not understand at all what was going on, infact he refused to believe he ever had anything to do with the sabotages, it was only when Dream took over completely and gave Ranbob enough of his mind to know what he was doing, did he finally accept it. He tried and tried to break Dreams control and get control of his body back, but nothing he did ever really worked, and the more he tried Dream eventually began to punish him, forcing him to stop. He felt aboustely awful, like a failure, a murder, and just a shitty person during all of this. His journal shows basically all of his mental decline, it went from normal, him recording special things during the day, to semi-normal, him expression concern and fear over the sabotages and killings (with some out of place words or sentences here and there appearing half way through, showing Dreams presence), to recordings from someone with obvious mental distress (misspelled words, extreme fear, showing fear of himself, hasty writings and drawings, very obviously out of place sentences (their neater than the rest and written differently, written by Dream), and meaningless words and sentences, obviously trying to say something but not knowing how too), all they way to flipping entries of when Ranbob is in control (sadness, despair, hasitly done, regret, and just heavy sentences) to when Dream is in control (Neat writing, stating "facts", showing a level of glee). Ranbob does still have it, he actually still uses it to record what happens in the groups and how far he's come. To the Gladiators its more of a "Hey I found this thing, lets read this thing." "No let's not read the thing." "Im going to ignore you and read it anyway.". The pictures are from the current ruined state of the City of Mizu, and pictures showing Ranbob at the fishermens house, struggling to walk and even eat on his own, though a few are from before Dream ever got a hold of Ranbob. 

3: The way you just said "Causally drops some trauma on them, huh?" And "Traumatized gremlins" made me laugh so much. Its so accurate and made me just think of the brothers vibing toghere before I just pop in and drop tons of trauma on them before dipping. "Ah, damn, the opponent stared me in my chest." "WHY ARE YOU SO CALM ABOUT THIS!? YOUR BLEEDING OUT!" "Oh im used to this. Trust me I'll survive...probably." "RAN I SWEAR!". And "Ranbob when did you last eat?" "Uhhh, 2 days ago I think." "..." "D-did I eat too soon? I dont have to eat for another day or two max-" "Ranbob shut up and eat." "B-but-" "If you dont eat I'll tell Benjamin." "OK ok I'll eat."  Ran thinks its normal to get stabbed often, while Ranbob thinks its normal to only eat every 2 or 3 days, and to not sleep for a long time. There is one particular hunter that's been hunting him the longest, they go by Raq and are the most determined to get Ran, though they don't plan on killing him, but rather kidnapping him and exploting him for pearls. It was a bit hard at first, Ran kept having to leave to wander around the City for a bit, though he eventually successfully got accustomed to staying in one place, though he does sometimes wish he could travel again. 

4: A bit of everything, him getting violent and trying to run at first. But after that it fades more into what resembles a depressive state, with him refusing to move and crying while being lost in his head. He requires space to move around but be monitored in the first state, while for the second he needs constant comfort and physical contact. The aftermath was the fishermen and Jackie staying close to Ranbob for the next 2 days, while Grievous and Watson try to find Ran after he stormed off in anger and disbelief. Ran does know what a relapse means, but during the time he believes Ranbobs relapse might be something else (like his facade faulting maybe).

5: Not long at all, while Ran is carrying Jackie and Cletus makes fun of them as Ranbob is following him, Jackie quickly points out how Ranbob is like a lost puppy, and the same thing is basically happening to the two of them, but showed different ways. (The brothers making sure their family is safe by sticking close to them).

6: By the time they travel to Subbin, Ranbob has gained like 80 pounds and is a way more healthy weight and looks much more healthier than when the fishermen first found him. 

7: Their usually either getting materials, looking around the area/exploring, being taught things by someone, or sleeping. Charles was the one who revived the nickname! He called him that when trying different tactics to calm him down from a nightmare, Ranbob immediately froze and after a while started to cry, Charles panicked but Ranbob quickly comforted him, saying he just hasn't heard Bobby used in such a long time and brings back both incredibly happy and incredibly sad memories. And with permission, Charles starts using it more. Ran also freezes when hearing it, immediately going ridged and almost ripping a map he has in his hands, when asked by Grievous what was wrong, he just growled out nothing and moved on. Though he does mull over it later, conflicting emotions running all over him. 

8: Helping separate Ran and Ranbob was already big for the gladiators. As most people would just watch with glee. Then when they get time to talk and make the connection between Ran and Ranbob, they decide to make a exception and willingly put in effort to bond with the other group. Also them just naturally connecting made the bonding and trust easy between the groups. 

9: They do both! They keep some books, pictures, and other stuff, but sell others as relics. Ranbob mostly disapproves of them selling the items, but also knows it'll probably be best to sell them, and have them either spread the story of Mizu as a warning, or have the story of Mizu destroyed by assumptions and twisting of the story. 

10: I'm thinking maybe a Wilbur decendent is inhabiting a certain town, and when the groups stop in for a break, Wilbur decendant  houses them and listens to their story, and tries to help?

11: They mostly just find them, they either find them in book stores or ruined towns and cities (maybe I can put The Masquerade tale in here somewhere), a wide range of people, from scholars to plain history nerds, to books from during the time of the SMP itself to books written by seemingly no one. Ranbob finds some himself, mostly when exploring with the group. I think I misworded this! Dream is the one who compared Ranbobs journal to Ranboos memory book! Ranbob knows of Ranboos memory book but he himself doesn't see the connection. Ran feels all of the above. He is extremely ashamed and disappointed in himself for hurting his brother, he hugs him tightly and apologizes non-stop, promising to make it all up to him, and while he asks for forgiveness he also says he doesnt expect for his brother to forgive him. Once he finally sees Dream for real though he's the first one to blindly attack and try to kill em. Though he doesnt succeed. 

12: No one expect the brothers where outside in the rain when they fought. So no one knew of what was happening. Its only when Ran finally joined them, but alone, did they get scared and alarmed. And when Ran admits they got into a fight and Ranbob ran off, the fishermen immediately start yelling at Ran and run off to find Ranbob, screaming his name into the deafening thunder. Grievous follows them but Watson and Jackie hang back a bit, Jackie just looks at Ran with a heartbroken expression, tears in his eyes, and asks, with his voice shaking and laced with sadness, "Why can't you at least try to accept him, you dont have to like or forgive him, but why can't you just let him heal?" "Jackie..you dont know what's he done-" "I do know! And I'm willing to help him change and recover! You can't and your his brother! What kind of family member are you?" Ran tries to respond but Jackie just chokes and shakes his head at him, running off to follow the others. Watson then speaks up, simply saying "Mate, your doing more than hurting Ranbob at this point." Before running off to follow and join the others. Ran feels horrible, even before being confronted he so badly wanted to chase after Ranbob, but was to scared too and he constantly was trying to reassure himself that he did the right thing, but no matter what, he couldn't convince himself that was the truth. And after the confrontation, Ran is taking what was said to heart and also considering running away, leaving the group behind and sparing them of all the pain he believes he causes, believing that he's just as bad a family member as Ranbob was. But he doesnt, because he feels like he absolutely needs to talk to his brother and everyone else. 

2: Oh god. Poor Ranbob. He really went through it. It does make me wonder, did anyone notice something was up? His mentor? Parents? Friends? Speaking off, what was his relationship with them all? From what I know, he seemed to be under a lot of pressure, so how did that effect things, and how did Dream’s presence change that? And uh, gladiators reactions to reading the diary? Also, did they get caught reading it, or? And how did everyone in general react to the pictures? The fishermen may have taken the latter, but how did they feel about seeing Ranbob before Dream came into the picture?

3: I tell it like it is, glad to hear it’s made you laugh though. And uh, oh boy. On one hand, I definitely shouldn’t laugh at stabbing and possible starvation. One the other. Ran’s reaction. Ranbob being threatened with Benjamin. Is he often threatened with Benjamin? What exactly happens if Benjamin is told? Will Raq be causing future problems? Is Ran happy to be on the road again?

4: That sucks. Did the gladiators witness it first hand, or did the fishermen kind of realize what was happening and split off for a bit? Reactions to either seeing or hearing this happen?

5: Ranbob’s reaction to this? Heck, all of the fishermen’s reactions?

6: As he should. If he ever starts looking even slightly thin again, Benjamin needs to jump into immediate action! Also, give him a blanket and warm drink, please? Please, he needs it, they all do. 

7: So not too bad, that’s good. Charles was the one, huh? Interesting. Does Ranbob like having it back? And conflicting emotions, hmm? What would those emotions be? Does anyone ever notice the nickname makes him mad? 

8: So the gladiators consider that their big approval? Why’s that? Like obviously, they helped break it up, but was it something particular? Did they get between the two? Jump into the arena? What?

9: A warning of Mizu...there’s something awfully tragic about that. 

10: Sounds interesting! In what way would they be able to help? 

11: Scattered about, hm? So Ranbob knows about Ranboo’s memory book? Did Dream tell him, or did Mizu have a copy, or? And yay, Ranbob finally gets a hug! Most wonderful! Sad Ran doesn’t succeed in murder, but meh. Always next time, I suppose.

12: You...you were really going for my heart when you wrote this, weren’t you? Um, first of all, ouch. Second of all, also ouch. That’s all I’ve got for you right now. Just, ouch, Anon. Ouch.

[supportivespaceforsurvivors]

tw abuse) i just got in a new relationship after getting out of a very abusive one with my ex a year ago. my new bf is perfect, hes sweet and kind and funny and listens to my problems and obeys my boundaries. but i cant trust it. my ex was this way at first too. im so scared this is going to turn into that again. i want to have a normal relationship without fear but im so scared, and i dont want to open up. how do i do this? he doesnt know what my ex did.

Hey anon,

This reaction completely makes sense. It’s really hard to adjust from being in an abusive relationship of any kind to one that’s healthy. I went through the same exact thing when I was younger and my mom’s boyfriend moved in with us--he wasn’t my father, and he didn’t try to be, but I was still terrified that it would change. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.

When you’ve been in an abusive situation, you learn things you shouldn’t have to. You might learn that signs of irritation will always turn into anger, for example, which is completely understandable if you needed to know when your abuser was going to be angry before it happened. Once you’re out of the relationship, you don’t need to know this anymore, but the learned behavior stays, because it’s kept you safe in the past.

I’m really sorry, because I don’t think this is the answer you want to hear, but the only things that can really help here are communication and time. It’s incredibly hard to build trust with someone in this situation, but it’ll be a lot easier if you explain to him what happened and why you’re having a hard time. He’ll also be able to reassure you that he’s safe, then, and you’ll be able to figure out ways together that you can work on this.

This is going to take a lot of time. It took my mother over two years to be fully comfortable with her now-fiancé after the relationship she had with my father. I promise you will get there, though. I believe in you.

This is an article written by someone who used to be in a similar situation to you about how they learned to trust their next partner. I would suggest reading through all of it, but it contains descriptions of abuse that are very detailed and personal, and therefore could be triggering. I’ll include the parts of the article without that under the cut in case you’d rather avoid it.

I really hope this helps, anon. Please know that we’re here for you.

Stay safe,

Mod Henrie

Getting Answers

I spoke to Ammanda Major, relationship counselor, sex therapist, and the Head of Clinical Practice at Relate, the UK’s largest provider of relationship support, to try to understand why this was happening.

She explained that “the legacy of domestic abuse can be immense. Survivors are often left with trust issues, and in some cases potentially PTSD, but with specialist therapy it can often be managed and people can work through it.”

“One of the key things for moving forward is being able to recognize and ask for your own needs to be met, because in an abusive relationship your needs go entirely unrecognized,” says Major.

Even with therapy, it can be challenging for those coming out of an abusive relationship to recognize the warning signs when the same pattern starts happening again.

“It’s possible to have a good and healthy relationship, but many survivors will struggle to make healthy connections and communicate their needs. They may find that they’re drawn to other people who turn out to be abusive because it’s what they’ve become accustomed to,” says Major.

Other times, survivors don’t want to risk the possibility that abuse could happen all over again.

“Sometimes survivors can’t see themselves in a relationship again. It’s all about trust, and that trust has been broken,” Major says.

The important thing is to learn who you are, especially when you’re alone.

Major says “Although a new relationship can be incredibly healing to some people, the key takeaway and main way to move forward is to try and find out who you are as an individual, rather than as an accessory to your abuser.”

Lessons from Trauma

My responses aren’t all that surprising after spending 2 years constantly on edge. If my ex got annoyed at anyone or anything, it would be me taking the blame.

Even though my new partner is nothing like my old one, I’m preparing myself for the same reactions. Reactions that no loving, stable partner would have.

Major explains, “It’s what we call a traumatized response. It’s the brain telling you that you’ve experienced this before, that you might be in danger. It’s all part of the recovery process, as your brain doesn’t know at first that you’re safe.”

These steps can start the healing process and help rebuild trust:

Find a therapist who specializes in domestic abuse.

Practice breathing techniques to stay calm when things get tough.

Learn how to stay grounded and present during difficult situations.

Recognize and ask for your needs to be met in all your relationships.

Explain your triggers to your partner so they can be prepared.

“It makes a huge difference if your new partner is able to explain, understand, and be supportive,” Major says. “By laying down new experiences to replace the old, traumatic ones, the brain may eventually learn that these situations don’t indicate danger.”

[lgbtpolitics]

Do you think comparing two different types of oppression is bad? Not like ranking them but explaining say homophobia to a straight woman by relating it to her experiences of sexism. I just see a lot of people saying its bad but I don't get why.

I don't personally think its inherently bad, it just depends how you go about it. I think primarily people understand each other by trying to relate their experiences. I certainly don't think thats a bad instinct. As you said it can help people see what is happening with a different group if they can see what is happening to their own group. It can also work the other way (probably less common) I know this guy who, when I met him was convinced that racism just wasnt a big deal (he was a person of colour) he just thought it only existed in tiny fringe groups and just had no baring on life. But, as he got to know me, and we studied physics so theres a fair amount of sexism, and he could see the differences in how people treated me vs him and the other guys in ways which were not overtly like "I hate women", and me and him talked about these things a lot, and that kind of helped him understand how he had experienced racism in more subtle ways, and how it does impact on peoples lives, including his that he hadn't necessarily picked up on because its always been a part of his life. So yeah, systems of oppression are similar to each other in a lot of ways and I dont think we need some kind of blanket ban on comparing them.

Having said that, I think there are two things we should be careful with. The first is assuming different systems of oppression always work the same, and the same rules should always apply. You see a lot of people saying like "If you wouldnt say it about x group dont say it about y group" which is like... yeah I get where you're coming from but its not necessarily always right. An example of which is I saw the other day someone asking why it is acceptable for black men to talk specifically about racism from white women, but if a white woman talked about sexism specifically from black men that would be racist. And it make me pause, and actually although the tone of the question seemed in bad faith, i dont think asking yourself and others these questions is a bad thing really. But the answer to that is that sexism and racism aren't the same. White women and white men do, generally speaking, express racism in different ways, so it merits talking about. Whereas black men, to my knowledge, do not express sexism in distinctly different ways to white men. So theres really no reason to aim criticisms of sexism at black men in general, other than a racially motivated sentiment. And I think its important that we keep in mind that there are differences, and you cant always just apply the same rules.

The second thing I think we should be mindful of is moving from comparing oppression, to leveraging oppression. So like, you should support equality for people with no strings attached. If they themselves are problematic, centre the actual problem in criticisms of them. This is similar to what I was saying about that daft comic: its not aimed at promoting empathy for other causes by explaining a connection with homophobia, its making out that the root problem is the caring about gay rights in itself. Its saying dont care about being accepted for being lgbt until every other issue is solved.

I think this stems from (and Im about to go on a tangent not directly related to the question so feel free to skip this but), this sentiment of like "We should care more about people who are more oppressed and start from there" and whilst that's a nice sentiment and all, practically it ignores several issues. A) Its basically impossible to determine who is the "most oppressed", in some scenarios there is clearly someone who experiences more oppression but its not some kind of tangible line, like yes working class single mothers are more oppressed than middle class gay couples but, there are also gay working class single mothers, so this kind of "class politics should outweigh homophobia" just doesnt really work B) it assumes there is like no correlation between more acceptance for middle class gay people and more acceptance for working class gay people and I hate that idea with a passion. The sentiment that drives this kind of mentality is effectively that some oppression cancels out other oppression like this idea of gay acceptance doesnt help people financially so its irrelevant to working class people. And as a working class gay woman I do actually take offense to this. Would more acceptance of homosexuality have solved my atrocious education at my underfunded school, my shower that hardly worked, my parents always being at work... Well, no, but it would have helped my constant fear of being discovered to be a lesbian. It might have stopped me from obsessively dating boys and developping no understanding of how to tell if I like someone which I still havent really worked out. It might have helped me to have friends that I felt actually knew me. It might have stopped me from becoming weirdly secretive about stuff that doesnt even matter because I'm just accustomed to lying to people in my life. The inference of believing gay acceptance doesnt help working class gay people is effectively saying "Well shes too working class to experience homophobia, maybe when shes richer she'll care about gay rights". And yeah I do think that is reductive and insulting. I believe people have some kind of good intentions but really it leaves me entirely cold.

[butcanijustnot]

Dating Natasha Romanoff would include:

Tagging @idontgiveaflyinggrayson69

(If you have a character you want to see written, or you want to be tagged, PM me and I’ll add it/you to the list.)

You met her when she first joined S.H.I.E.L.D, tasked with helping her become accustomed to her new life on the right side of the law.

You ended up spending a lot of time together, helping each other with work and casually hanging out afterward.

Natasha didn’t usually trust anyone, especially having just come out of her assassin career, but she just got a good vibe off of you. You were calm and caring, but strong and brutally honest when you had to be. You did your job well and didn’t take any unnecessary shit from anyone. She just felt like you were worth her time and trust.

You had a flirty friendship, and over time you developed feelings for her, real feelings, but you never acted on them

“She’s straight.” You’d tell yourself. “And even if she wasn’t, she’d never be interested in someone like me.”

She continued to flirt, but now each long touch and strung out word burned a hole in your heart. She was something you didn’t think you could ever have, but little did you know she had the same feelings for you.

Both of you stayed in this nebulous limbo for a long time, flirting but never going anywhere, until one day you were out for drinks.  

You were both a little tipsy and in the bathroom in the club reapplying makeup. You were giggling to yourself and Natasha looked at you confused.

“What is it?”

“Nothing. I love that lipstick on you.” You cooed to change the subject and shoot her a compliment. You loved the bright red lipsticks that she wore and was secretly jealous of how well she could pull them off. If only you had that confidence.

“You wanna try it?” She asked, a devilish smirk on her face.

Eh, you probably weren’t going to spend that much longer at the club anyway, you could jazz it up for the remainder of your time. “Sure!” You agreed.

Her lips crashed onto yours before you could register it and time seemed to slow right down to a standstill.

She tasted like everything you dreamt of, Scotch and lipstick and something you hadn’t tasted anywhere else that was uniquely Natasha.

She pulled away for a second and you suppressed the urge to whine at the sudden loss of contact. “Are you alright with this? I’ll stop if you’re not comfortable.” She asked.

“Please don’t stop.” You reconnected your lips with hers, full on making out this time.

Needless to say, you two hooked up that night. You promised yourself that it wouldn’t let it change the friendship you had with her, and Natasha seemed to make the same promise because your friendship remained the same after this.

Except you would sleep together every once in a blue moon. Just one major difference. Everything else was the same.

You two had this relationship for a while, friends with benefits until one-night things changed.

“Have you thought about us?” Natasha asked you as you lay in bed next to her. “About us actually…”

“Dating?” You finished for her.

“Yeah.”

“Yes. I think about it a lot actually. Why do you ask?” You questioned.

“I don’t know. I guess I’ve just been watching the other avenger pair off. Tony and Pepper are on their three-year anniversary, Steve and Sharon are a ‘thing’ now, and Clint’s just had his fourth kid. Hell, even the resident robot’s got a girlfriend!”

“Vision and Wanda are finally together!?!” You squealed. Last you heard they were relentlessly pining for one another. You didn’t know the Avengers personally but Natasha told you all the good gossip.

“Yeah, they're pretty adorable.” She took a deep breath and continued. “I want to be happy like they all are, and when I think hard about who could really make me happy…” She paused and looked over at you. “I can only ever think of you.”

Your heart almost exploded right then and there. You enveloped her in a soft hug. “Natasha Romanoff, that is the most romantic thing I’ve ever heard. I’m so glad I can make you as happy as you make me, and if you’ll have me, I’d be honoured to be your girlfriend.”

To be honest, your relationship didn’t change too much after you got together. You went out more together, either for coffee before work or dinner and drinks after. It was simple but you liked it.

Your relationship was never truly monogamous until you both stopped working for S.H.I.E.L.D. Both of you had jobs that involved seducing people for information and assassination, so you both had to be comfortable with the other doing so. Luckily, Natasha trusted you and you trusted her, and you were both very open and honest about what happened on missions. There were no secrets between you, why would you need to have them?

Natasha didn’t tell the other Avengers she was dating anyone until a couple of months down the track. In fact, she didn’t tell anyone for about three months. You were a little confused but didn’t question it. Then, when she finally did tell them, you immediately found out why.

“They want to meet you. All of them.” Natasha said, flopping down on the bed with a groan. “They asked me about a thousand stupid questions.”

“I’m happy to meet them, but all at once sounds pretty daunting. Plus, the questioning will make me super nervous.” You mumbled, petting her hair as she lay face down in the mattress.

“I know. I told them to wait and I’d introduce you in due time when you’re ready.” She got up and nodded.

“Thanks, babe.” You whispered, pressing a soft kiss to her lips.

Of course, it didn’t work out that way.

First, Steve and Sam ‘run into you two’ out on a morning jog. Sam maintains that it was a total accident.

It wasn’t.

They ask you some questions and you answer politely. Natasha’s a little ticked off that they’re here but doesn’t say anything, just shoots them glares when you aren’t looking. Eventually, you split up and head home, you waving goodbye and Natasha grumbling under her breath.

“I like them.” You say, catching her off-guard. “If all your friends are like that then I can’t wait to meet them.”

Next day your home and hear a knock at the door. When you open it, a short brunette kid is staring up at you. He looked at you and his eyes widened. He almost seemed shocked you had opened the door.

“Hello there. I’m Peter and I’m here to…. Check the…. Check for…. Gas! I want to check on your gas pipes! I’m in the area surveying gas pipes!!” He said, clearly lying. You recognized the name but it took you a second to place it.

“Peter? As in…. Peter Parker? The Arachnid kid?”

“It’s… It’s Spiderman. How’d you know? Did Natasha tell you? She promised not to!”

You raised your hands in surrender. “No, I put it together myself. A kid gets a Stark internship and starts hanging out with Tony Stark, and at the same time, Iron Man gets a new, smaller, younger-looking sidekick? Doesn’t take a genius, man.”

“…. I’m not his sidekick…”

“Whatever… Did Tony Stark send you here?”

“…No.”

“You’re an awful liar. Come in, I’ll teach you. I just made Hot Chocolate.”

Later that day Natasha comes home to see Peter curled up on the couch watching movies with you. He purposefully avoids her glance. She knows.

You look up at her, one arm slung around Peters' shoulders. “Nat, I better meet your friends or they’re never going to stop turning up in our life.”

So, you do, at the next huge Stark party. Despite it being a Stark party, all the attention was on you, which was a strange new experience. They seem to really like you. They approve of your influence on Natasha and firmly believe you love her, which you do.

You patch her up after fights, no matter how much she complains.

“Y/N, I’m a grown woman, I can patch my own bullet wounds.”

“I know you can but you shouldn’t have too. You’ve got a girlfriend for that.”

She lies back and grumbles. You know she’s really feeling angry at herself for getting hurt and making you worry and you’re trying to help her.

You guys have spoken about adopting a child, a little girl most likely, but have made the decision to wait until you’re both out of the dangerous jobs you’re in and can fully cater too, support and protect a child in your care.

Until then, it’s just the two of you, which is absolutely perfect.

[angstalottle]

Lana On The Case

Part 1:

The year is 1949 and the war has been won and over for little more than a year now.

Lana McClain has spent much of the past five years away from her home village in the countryside working in the big city despite the protests of her mother and her warnings of bombs.

But still she toughed it out and did her part for the war effort, something that now that she was returning home left her quite bored and longing for something new.

Perhaps that was why she was dreading returning home so much?

A small village in the north of England with a population of only 200 people spread out across the many corn and wheat fields that surrounded the hand full of buildings and shops.

There was only one rail way station manned only by an older gentleman that even during rationing always seemed to have a lolly pop ready to offer to a hungry evacuated child.

This is where Lana currently sat, half melted into the old wooden bench fanning herself with a train schedule and doing her very best to keep as much distance between the sweltering men that she was unfortunately stuck between.

Despite it still only being early spring the weather had been gradually growing hotter by the day until it reached its peak on today of all days when Lana had to wait around in the boiling sun for her best friend to come pick her up on her way home from work.

The man to her left, a slim fellow with dark hair and a full beard that must have been making him all the hotter, he had long since discarded his suit jacket, leaving it over the top of his luggage.

His face was bright red and looked to be suffering from the heat, Lana was about to offer him the use of her makeshift fan when with shaking hands he produced a bottle of water which he quickly opened and removed the plastic film over the top. After looking round for a moment and clearly deciding the effort to get up and place the film in the closest bin he instead tucked inside the bottle cap and took a long drink.

“Mind sharing?” The man to Lana’s right questioned holding his hand out expectantly and was wordlessly handed the water with only a nod of approval.

“Cheers” he muttered taking a small swig before handing it to Lana “here lass ya only a wee thing drink up while ya can” His scottish accent was almost as thick as the stench of cigarettes coming off his well tailored clothes.

Lana smiled subtle wiping at the rim before she troo took a drink and then handed it back to the poor man it actually belonged to “Thanks.”

Again the man only nodded holding the little water left closely as he replaced the lid and swirled the liquid round impatiently.

Lana couldn't blame him for such an attitude, after all they had been sitting in an awkward silence for the last twenty minutes now with no sign of relief to their situation.

Pulling at the high collar of her dress Lana longed for the clouds and rain that she had cursed only a week prior, now that she had to wear essentially her sunday best she would have been grateful for even a drop of rain.

The old conductor wiped the sweat off his brow as he leaned heavily against the moss covered wall of the ticket booth.

Lana couldn't help but feel sorry for him, afterwall she was just waiting to be picked up, while the poor man was likely stuck here until late in the evening.

Just looking at him Lana noted that he was a single gentleman living alone likely in the small house just visible across the other side of the tracks.

How she knew this?

Well lets just say Lana was very good at noticing things others tended to miss out of ignorance or lack of interest. Either way she only needed to note the faded stain on his lapel and the dried mud on the hem of his trousers to come to her conclusion.

“Don't suppose i could trouble you for a drink sonny?” The old man asked smiling at the gentleman with the water.

For a moment the man held the bottle close to his chest like he wanted to savour the last drink for himself, then his eyes seemed to linger on the old man for a few moments before he let out a sigh and handed it over.

What happened next was quite strange for you see the old man died.

One second he was happily drinking the water and the next he was convulsing on the ground with foam coming out of his mouth.

Of course they called the police right away, or well the Scottish man did while Lana attempted to keep the fat man from hyperventilating.

Funny things about calling the police about a sudden and mysterious death, they come much faster than any taxi or friend you have coming to pick you up.

The car pulled up shortly and Detective Coran stepped out and gave the body a quick once over.

“Ah it would appear old Charlie here's dead.”

“Yeah that's kinda why we called you” Lana sighed smiling at the detective. As a child she had quite a few run ins with the police and not all of them good, but over the years she and Coran had developed an odd sort of friendship.

Coran pulled a handkerchief from his pocket and used it to wipe away some of the foma that had formed at the victim's mouth. After giving it a quick sniff he stood up with a sigh “it would appear this poor fellow has been poisoned.”

“Poisoned?” The Scottish man asked in alarm “Fecken hell how'd he manage that?”

“Thats what im here to find out now.. What was it i was about to ask?” Coran asked frowning slightly.

“You were about to ask us if we saw anything suspicious” Lana supplied for him “and we would say that everything seemed perfectly normal right up until he collapsed.”

Coran nodded jotting it all down on his little notebook.

The fat man nodded along with what Lana was saying “it's like she says officer nothing out of the ordinary happened”.

He sounded strange, almost like his voice was being forced and lana had a sneaking suspicion that it wasn't to do with the current trauma.

“Did you see him eat or drink anything? Anything that could have been laced with poison?” Coran asked not seeming to pick up on the oddness of the man.

“Ah nothing that the three of us didn't also have a swig of” The scottish man shrugged “look can't we deal with this in yer office or something? Im roasting out here and this poor git looks like he's about to keel over.”

Coran nodded “yes i'm sure you all want to get away from the body soon as possible, i've already sent for a car to come collect us all shortly.”

“If it's all the same to you Coran i wouldn't mind having a look at the body… to erm see if it jogs any memories that may be of use to your investigation of course.” Lana took the dismissive wave as permission and began to poke at the body.

There wasn't anything particularly interesting about old Charlie, he was just a kindly  man that worked hard and liked to give sweets to the poor evacuees. Who could ever have a motive for wanting to kill him? Had it been suicide and they simply didn't see him take anything… well then if that was the case surely he would still have whatever he used on his person.

Feeling around his pockets Lana was disappointed to only find his house keys, a pocket watch as a few lollipops.

She was about to replace the contents when she noticed something rather odd about the wrapping of one of the sweets.

Usually the plastic is melted and twisted to seal it, but they, though melted, seemed to be pushed straight down almost as if they were resealed.

Curious Lana removed the wrapper and gave it a taste lick.

She recognized the taste almost instantly, enough sleepless nights of nightmares and terrors that lurched in the dark made her quite accustomed with the taste of sleeping pills.

The only question was why on earth is it in the sweets Charlie gave to the children? “Is this gonna take long? I got my wife and kid waiting for me at home.”

And just like that all the pieces slotted into place.

Lana straightened up and walked over to the fat man smiled at him before promptly kicking him between the legs.

He let out a pained yelp followed by a string of curse words in a very thick scottish accent.

“Detective Coran i do believe i have your murdures” She gestured to the two men who looked up at her with such dissbelief you would think she suggested they were unicorn spies.

“That's a very serious allegation miss McLain, i hope you have proof.” Corans mustache frowned.

“Ah but i do.” She bent down and with a flourish held the dropped water bottle in front of coran “behold the poison.”

“Unless your forgetting lassy we all drank out of that.” The scottish man snarled.

“See i thought that too, if we all drank it then there is no way he should have died and we didn't. Then i realised something, the poison was introduced after we all drank.” the men's eyes widened as she carefully peeled the film from the inside of the bottle cap. “Quite clever really, coat the outside of the film in poison then make sure your seen drinking from it, then all you need to do is place it with the outside facing inwards in the bottle cap shake the water about a bit and boom you have a murder weapon.” Lana replaced the lid and handed it to Coran “I'm sure your guys at the lab will find both their fingerprints on that film.”

“Both?” Coran asked taking the bottle in surprise.

“Of course, the two of them planned it after all. At first it seems like the two of you have nothing in common, even both being scottish doesnt really link you with more than a home land. But then i started thinking about the fact that i have no idea who either of you are. No one comes to this village and everyone knows everyone but not you too. How would you even know about this place? That's when it hit me, your both married with children, children that were evacuated here during the war.”

The fat man began to cry while the other just stared her down.

“But why would they want to kill nice old Charlie here?” Coran asked scratching his head.

Lanas smile dropped as she handed over the lollipop “because Charlie wasn't so nice… he gave out sweets laced with sleeping pills to the evacuees, kids that no one really wanted or had time for, im sure youll find evidence of all sorts of awful things when you search his house.” her gaze shifted to the men “he hurt your kids didn't he? I understand why you did it but… why not just tell the police and have him arrested?”

“We tried to” the fat man sobbed.

“Shut up Mark” the other man hissed elbowing him in the ribs but still he continued.

“My boy was only nine but he knew it was wrong and he marched over to the station soon as he could to tell someone, they laughed in his face and told him that he shouldn't make up such stories.” Marks voice grew steadily quieter “he didn't tell anyone again until he came home… i only found out because i found the letters he was sending to another boy that the bastard hurt… Bens boy”

“My son… he was 12 when it happened… god it would have been his birthday today if… if he had... “ Ben choked on his words.

“The police were useless once so we had to make sure he paid for what he did.” Mark whispered.

Lana kneeled down in front of them “im so sorry… but murder even when justified is still murder… Coran will have to take you to the station and its likely you will be hanged for this.”

Suddenly Ben surged forwards and grabbed Lana by the throat and produced a small knife from his pocket.

Coran had his army issued gun out in an instant.

“No, stop!” Corna yelled as the knife dug into Lanas neck drawing a thin line of blood.

“No one was supposed to know! I was supposed to be going home to ma family tonight but you ruined it!”

His body holding her tight, his breath on her neck and the familiar sensation of pain was all too much for her “While i do have sympathy for you and i believe all monsters like Charlie should be whipped off the face of the Earth” in one fluid motion she elbowed him in the gut and swept her leg under his knocking him to the floor and the knife of of his grasp. “No one gets to touch me like that but Hannah.”

Ben tried to get up but Coran pointed his gun at him “don't even try it son.”

He visibly deflated as he lay on the ground watching the sky “it was supposed to be the perfect kill… but you had to ruin it.”

Lana ignored him in favour of greeting the cars that pulled up, one belonging to the very woman she had missed more than life itself.

Hannah came barreling towards her picking her up in a hug and sobbing “They said someone died! Oh Lana i was so scared something had happened to you!”

Lana chuckled hugging her best friend back “Dont worry im fine… im fine now i'm home.”

[fairyscribbles]

Boiling Bite. (Chanyeol, Wolf!au) 2/2

Hello guys! A few little changes!

I will try to again re-update a lot of the lists that I have here, because not only they were not up to date, they are a bit glitched, as I saw when uploading that Baekhyun story!

I also thought of putting up my ko-fi link again. I stopped doing it for a while because I was pretty content, but as I started working, my financial needs rose up as well, due to travel, food etc etc. I am also really shooting to go to the JLPTs again and obtain the highest level (N1). For that, I need the books for it. I already bought the grammar book, so I need the vocab, kanji and reading so I can prepare and hopefully go try out the summer dates of the test!

It’s also a bit hard to update for me now not only because of school but also because of the house renovation. My desk is really cluttered from all the things I’ve had on shelves and my laptop has been connected to the TV for about three weeks now and has been exclusively used for Netflix ^^’ I did go back to writing into notebooks though, and I’m biting through a few of the requests. Who knows, maybe once I’m done, I will open them again!

Well now, after this super long essay, let’s enjoy the second part of the Kris story I have posted a while back!

If you need to refresh your memory, here is the first part! If you like what you read, you can support me on ko-fi!

♥

-

Everything burned and everything hurt. You didn’t remember when was the last time you were conscious for more than five minutes. The pain always knocked you out before you could go insane with it.

You could clearly remember that night... the dark alleyway... Kris’ mate crying into her phone, begging Kris to come and save you. 

The two vampires standing, ready to pounce. 

You stepping between the vampires and Kris’ mate.

And then the bite.

It was as if somebody suddenly poured acid into your veins and the blood carried it all over your body. It felt horrible. You wanted to die as you felt the ice cold fangs digging into you, sucking the life out of you.

It might’ve been gone in a few seconds, but it felt like hours to you.

They came and saved you. But it was too late, as you crumbled to the ground and you screamed in pain.

You felt someone, Chanyeol probably, picking you up and cradling you to him, but it didn’t do anything with the horrible pain that coursed through your body.

That’s when you blacked out the first time.

- 

The first time you came to was when you felt someone settle down next to you.

“Ch-Chan…” your voice was too raspy for you to continue, a coughing fit interrupting your question.

“It’s me, ___.” Answered the voice that did not belong to your mate. Kyungsoo wiped at your forehead, the wet cloth gathering the sweat that trickled down your face.

“What…what…happene-“

“You were bitten. It’s the werewolf genes and vampire saliva that’s making you hurt.” You whimpered as the washcloth trailed down your face onto your neck, to the bite mark. A strangled scream ripped through your throat when the cloth dabbed at the wound and you immediately cowered from the pack’s healer. You heard him apologize, but everything was pronounced so slow and the way your eyelids seemed to drop, you knew you were out of it once again.

-

“Alright, ___. We need to get some of the bad blood out. This is going to hurt a lot, so we’re going to do it by bits, alright?”

You slowly grew accustomed to the pain, you were beginning to understand how it worked, how it always came in waves at you. It could’ve been two days since Kyungsoo’s visit, but it could’ve been two weeks as well.

You nodded shakily, tilting your head to the side and revealing your neck to him. Kyungsoo sighed, placing everything he was holding onto the nightstand before looming over you, his lips on your neck.

“Try to hold on as long as possible…” he mumbled quietly, his breath ghosting over your skin, before his lips closed over the wound. The first suck had you arching against him in a scream, your fists bunching in his shirt. You screeched, pleading for him to stop, trashing from side to side. You could feel the lift slipping from you from every suck by Kyungsoo’s lips. It ended just a few seconds after, yet it felt like eternity.

Kyungsoo spit out the blood he held in his mouth, its color a washed out red and more yellow than anything else.

“You did great, ___.” Kyungsoo gently stroked your cheek, trying to somehow calm you down.

“Chan…” you coughed heavily after that.

“What was it, ___?”

“Where…is…Ch-Chan…Chanyeol?” Kyungsoo fell silent for quite a while after that. Every passing second was like a dagger to your heart.

“He’s out hunting. He left three days ago, he didn’t come back yet.” Kyungsoo told you and yet you somehow knew it was a lie. You swallowed the tears that crept up on you and nodded to the tense Kyungsoo.

“You should try to get some sleep, ___-ah. We’ll try to get out more tomorrow.” His voice was gentle as if he was talking to a child. You nodded again, the grip of consciousness already slipping past your hands.

The last thing you thought of was Chanyeol’s voice, desperately calling your name.

-

Chanyeol sighed as he walked through the door. His body was full of kinks and soreness that wouldn’t be able to go away even after extended rest. As if he could do that, anyway.

For the past few days, he hadn’t thought about anything else, but revenge. He spent the past three days hunting down a vampire coven, making sure he would get every and single one of those suckers.

He kicked off his muddy boots and entered the house, his jacket a bloody pool on the floor. As he passed the mirror, he noticed the deep bags under his eyes and hallowed face.

He was only a ghost of what he used to be. He felt it, in his skin, his bones, in his very form, something changed. And he didn’t know how he would bring it back.

-

They switched every day. At first, only Kyungsoo would come, but later on, Suho replaced the healer, calling in Jongin to hold you down while sucking out the poison. The day after, the two switched and after that, Minseok and Luhan took their turns in trying to make you feel better.

You had already filled a whole glass with the yellowish substance and your mind was free from the sticky mist that clouded your senses.

It had its downfall, as it made the pain of healing clearer and the realization that since the night you’ve been bitten, Chanyeol hasn’t seen you once. Not a single time you felt his presence beside you and that made you tear up.

You probably disgusted him. You were bitten. And broken. Who in the right state of mind would want a broken mate? You thought as Kyungsoo gave your neck one hard last suck.

“Kyungsoo…” you choked out, stuttering over the lump in your throat.

“Yes? What is it?” he answered after cleaning his mouth, the poison still rocking slightly in the cup.

“K-Kill me.” You sobbed, the tears sneaking up on you. You could almost feel Kyungsoo freeze.

“What?” he wanted to you repeat as he slipped his hands around yours. You gripped him desperately.

“Please, just…let me have it over with. Just kill me and let that be…it.”

“Are you crazy? What about Chanyeol?” his voice sounded as if he still didn’t believe what you were saying. You swallowed the lump in your throat and looked at the ceiling, illuminated by moonlight.

“He…he doesn’t care about me anymore.” You had to wait a moment after saying that to calm yourself down. It was far too painful.

“I don’t blame him, though.” You added with a smile, even through the tears.

“Who would want a mate that is tainted by the enemy?” Kyungsoo squeezed your hand, rubbing circles into your skin with his thumb.

“That is the stupidest thing I’ve heard, ___. And I’m in a pack with Jongin, which means I’m listening to stupidities on a daily basis.” You could hear the smile in his voice and you couldn’t help but to chuckle shortly.

“Chanyeol wants you all the time. NO matter how you act, look or feel.”

“Then why isn’t he here?” Kyungsoo was quiet for a long time, weighing out his options. IN the end, he sighed, shaking his head.

“I would like to know that, too.” He rubbed your hand some more. It wasn’t the same thing as being comforted by your mate, but it came close.

“Just go to sleep, ___. You did good today.” You squeezed Kyungsoo’s hand one last time, before slowly rolling on your side. You instinctively awaited Chanyeol’s arms wrapping around you and pull you to him, but that never came.

-

Before Chanyeol could sigh and slip off his jacket, he was shoved back by a furious looking Kyungsoo.

“You need to start taking care of your mate.” He growled in a low tone, his eyes flickering gold.

“I am.” Chanyeol mumbled under his breath, trying to keep his cool.

“I’m avenging her. Killing every motherfucker I can get my eyes on.”

“She doesn’t need that. She needs you. But you’ve been too much of a pussy to face her.”

“What?” Chanyeol hissed, his beast stirring. Kyungsoo’s face showed he was being serious about what he said.

“I said, you’re too much of a pussy to look at her. You need to start taking care of her.”

“Do you even know how it fucking feels like? Being in my place?” Chanyeol asked, his tone menacingly passive as he came closer to Kyungsoo.

“Do you know the fucking feeling, when the person you love the most, the person you would die for, gets hurt? Like that? In front of your own fucking eyes?!” Chanyeol’s growl gradually turned into roaring.

“Do you even know how I feel when I walk around the room and I hear her screaming? Because I was unable to help her? Do you know the feeling?”

“And do you fucking know what you’re doing to her now? Did you even know that she asked me to kill her yesterday?” Kyungsoo’s words were like a thousand daggers, stabbing into his heart. As he heard about your wish to die, his knees buckled.

“W-What?” Kyungsoo smiled grimly as Chanyeol’s shock-ridden state.

“She thinks you don’t want her anymore. She told me that you probably think of her as disgusting since she was bitten by a vampire.” Chanyeol sighed deeply, sliding down the wall he was leaning against.

“Fucking hell…” he muttered, running his fingers through his hair. Kyungsoo knelt down next to him, laying his hand on Chanyeol’s shoulder.

“Look, I’m not going to try to convince you that it wasn’t your fault. You wouldn’t listen to me anyways. But killing vampires won’t help her. She needs you close. She needs to know that she’s still wanted.” Chanyeol sighed, nodding. He was too weak to say anything else.

“The sucking of the poison is very painful for her. She needs her mate. If you would do it, the poison will be gone in a few days.” When Chanyeol still didn’t answer, Kyungsoo patted his back once more and he stood to leave.

“Kyungsoo…”

“Hmm?” he turned around to look at Chanyeol. Only then he noticed how the biting affected him. He looked like hell- there were big bags under his eyes, his clothing hung on his disappearing frame and his shoulders seemed slumped with eternal luggage.

“Thank you. For everything.” Kyungsoo smiled softly.

“We’re brothers, Chanyeol. I would do anything for you.” At this Chanyeol smiled slightly.

“Even so. Thank you so much.”

-

You stirred when your bed dipped with another weight settling on it. Your fever had gone up again, so you didn’t recognize what was happening until the unknown person cupped the back of your neck and tilted your head to the side. Your blood started running faster as you realized what’s happening.

“No, Kyungsoo…” you whimpered quietly, your fists balling into his shirt. The body seemed different from Kyungsoo’s though.

“Please, no more…” you tried to cover the wound by tilting your head, but he nudged it aside with his nose. As you tried to fight back, more weight settled over you.

“Calm down, ___-ah…” a low voice rumbled above you and you suddenly knew who it was.

“Chanyeol?” he answered you with a hum, as he lightly licked your neck. Your breath hitched and you wound your hands around his torso, bringing him close. Chanyeol swiped his tongue over the wound once more before he closed his lips around it, giving it an experimental suck. He shuddered when the bad blood entered his mouth, but it didn’t stop him from sucking harder. It was much different, the cleansing with your mate. It was almost pleasurable for the first seconds and you pushed him down onto you some more, panting quietly. Chanyeol paused a while to spit out the venom in his mouth before diving in for more. This time, it was more uncomfortable, and you squirmed against him, your hands bunching in his shirt and tugging on it, to pull him away. He stayed relentless though, as he sucked harder. The first hard suck was painful.

“Chanyeol…” you whimpered, squirming some more. Once again, he leaned away to spit out.

“One more time, baby.” He assured you, closing his mouth around the wound again.

It was painful the last time, just as it was with the others. You arched your back, trying to get him from you, you tried swinging your head from side to side, but Chanyeol’s hold on you was tight, not letting go until you actually screamed out.

He quickly spat out the remaining poison and had you in his arms in seconds, holding you against his chest securely.

“I’m so sorry, baby, I’m sorry…” he kept repeating in your hair, stroking it comfortingly.

It took a while for you to calm down and to realize that he was actually with you. After the week of separation, it seemed unnatural.

“I thought you didn’t want me anymore…” you mumbled under your breath, holding onto him tightly. He reciprocated the grip, kissing the crown of your head.

“Are you kidding me? You’re my mate. I warned you about this before you signed your soul- it’s a job for life.” You giggled tiredly- the cleansing always had a dizzying effect on you- maybe because you lost a lot of blood.

“Will you stay?” you asked, looking up at him. You didn’t let him have much of a choice. There was a small chance he would be able to get out of the grip you had on him, anyways.

“Forever.” He said, kissing your lips.

[bennett-fan]

What is a smartwatch?

What is a smartwatch? 

Isnt it funny how it seems as soon as every few years a additional fragment of tech comes along and runs the combined gamut. That is manufacturers later Samsung, Motorola, or Sony scramble every higher than each other aggravating to get the best product to market. Most of them believe the thesame formula and press on it a bit here and there, but its not enormously often a company comes going on subsequent to something essentially unique.

Then once more unique is relative. endure smartwatches for example. I tend to bow to they are extremely unique for one simple defense (and well get to that in a bit), even though others think they are merely a gimmick- a current fad if you will.

5 swap smartwatchesI genuinely understand they are unique because of how popular smartphones are today. Just allow a venture out into the world and observe how many people use their smartphones constantly. One situation we tend to reach later than you have one is for eternity check it for notifications. We all reach it its a habit thats unconditionally hard to break. Thats where smartwatches come in and its along with why I think theyre unique, they can cut beside upon this infatuation to be tethered to a smartphone clearly because they come up with the money for that visual stimulation for you.

One of the most fascinating things that a smartwatch can do, or most of them can anyway, is be close to directly to your smartphone and display notifications, updates and messages right from your wrist. That means you dont even habit to tug your smartphone out of your pocket to check your latest email. You can simply point of view your wrist and glance next to real quick, leaving behind you later the opportunity to remain social or focused on what youre doing.

Okay, so that seems a bit silly later you think nearly it. Theyre helpfully a piece of wearable tech which achievement following a smartphone and eliminate your dependency on tech. The matter is, smartwatches can complete consequently much more than that. Which brings us to our first point, what are smartwatches and what can they do?

What Makes a SmartWatch Smart?

The first issue youre probably going to ask is what makes them suitably smart, right? in imitation of smartphones and smartTVs, smartwatches are considered to be smart because of the features they have to offer. They complete appropriately much more than a within acceptable limits watch, which has a certain strive for to keep track of time.

Its hard to portray smartwatches in their entirety without moving on smartphones too. At this narrowing in time, until a company comes in the works following a enlarged solution, most smartwatches must be paired like a smartphone in order to get the full experience. This is because a smartwatch all by its isolated is truly just nothing but a watch as soon as the talent to manage simple apps.

samsung galazy gear smartwatchThats not to tell a smartwatch isnt useful if you dont have it paired to a smartphone, it just means a lot of the unique functionality is removed from the equation. taking into consideration I said above, thats because a smartwatch generally augments your smartphone by displaying messages, notifications and updates in a more accessible manner.

Most smartwatches have a small capacitive touchscreen display, approximately identical to what youd find on the latest smartphones albeit in a much smaller form factor. Depending on the brand or model of the smartwatch, it operates just next a smartphone. You can install apps on it, customize or personalize it, or just view notifications in realtime.

Of course, some smartwatches dont have a touchscreen, and others have significantly less functionality. It just depends upon the model and brand. For example, the Pebble smartwatch (which first appeared upon the crowdfunding platform Kickstarter) offers all of the above. while the Martian Victory on the supplementary hand is a within acceptable limits smartwatch later a extremely little LCD screen that deserted displays simple notifications.

They change in price and functionality, but theres something approachable for everyone in terms of what you desire out of a smartwatch.

What are the Most Common Uses of a Smartwatch?

Because this ask is enlarged answered considering a immediate and simple bullet list, thats what Im going to use.

Receive and view notifications, messages or updates in realtime right on your smartwatch display Install apps tailored specifically for your smartwatch to move on functionality (only upon prefer models and brands) Personalize or customize the general screen melody and style (for the most allowance this has to reach like visual elements onscreen much next how you personalize your smartphone homescreen, icons, etc.) Keep track of time View manual updates or keep happening bearing in mind important meetings and tasks (select models and brands only) Looking good, or gone a unquestionable geek (depends upon how you see it and what model you select) Listen to music or collision and grind down (depends upon the model) What a Smartwatch Cant realize Well

You cant evaluate a smartwatch without after that outlining what they are not talented of doing, as a result over heres a bulleted list.

Smartwatches are not good for recommendation consumption, that is you dont want to use them to entrance extended text content or news Handle smartphones tasks and functions directly, or in extra words dont expect to be practiced to reply messages, emails or feint similar deeds right from your smartwatch Use apps designed for a smartphone, because most apps infatuation to be tailored specifically for the smaller screen and being activated from your wrist Snapping photos effectively, even if Im certain someday smartwatches will increase inline cameras (everything does these days) I dont see a practicable pretension to take on images later your wrist Play games, in my guidance touchscreen controls are difficult sufficient to direct forget having to distress a virtual joystick on such a little screen like one hand Offer unbelievable style, dont acquire me wrong there are some astonishing looking smartwatches out there and some of them even get beautiful darn near to mammal stylish (I personally love more minimalistic style watches), but a bulky wristwatch just isnt trendy to most Please keep in mind that the points made above are generalized. Not everyone will take over in the manner of them and some may have a alternating opinion, which is fine. allow the latter tapering off approximately style, for example. I personally have no concentration in style nor accomplish I care whether or not a smartwatch looks good. In fact, I tone that some of the watches see damn good, even sitting on a wrist. That mammal said, this list offers more of an mean entre to what smartphones cant do.

All Things Considering, Should I purchase a Smartwatch?

To be perfectly honest, no one can in point of fact reply this question but you and its legal of all things not just smartwatches. I wholeheartedly suggest work a fair amount of research into a supplementary piece of tech taking into account a smartphone or smartphone since admin to a local buildup and plopping down the cash. There are consequently many rotate brands and models to pick from, and thus many every second functions that they can total or not count up at all. You want to pick the model and brand thats right for you.

Worse yet, salesmen at most retail stores have some idea of what a product can complete but youd be hard-pressed to locate a valid expert. Admittedly, even someone subsequently myself who is high and dry in the world of technology, gadgets and computers doesnt know every there is to know. That is because there are correspondingly many brands, models, or product types there is no habit to know absolutely everything.

To put it bluntly, an Apple guru wont be competent to accustom the assist of an Android device and vice versa (unless of course they use both platforms upon a regular basis).

The dwindling here is that you desire to see at the strengths, weaknesses and features of every models and pick the one that fits your needs best. Looking at the points made above, attain you think a smartwatch will be worth your money? pull off you tone that a smartwatch can attain what you want it to? If the reply is no, and you want a particular feature or play in that hasnt been implemented still then you should retain off.

The technology will help in the coming years, and that means smartwatches will build up to the lessening where they can accomplish more than whats listed here. keep this information in mind later than once your neighboring purchase, and you cant go wrong.

[necrobrat]

so i just saw the sl*nderman trailers and im gonna go point by point here about my expectations and. this isnt the blog to do it on but yknow what? yall are just gonna have to deal with that. ill put it under a cut so it wont be too Overbearing on the dash but yknow. im gonna be rantin a lil. these are all My Opinions on the trailers and clips released and overall film n uhhh im not gonna apologize for that

first and foremost, *evan jennings voice* stop fucking gamejacking

im gonna preface this with im not a sl*nderman expert, im rly not so yknow. excuse any mistakes.

im gonna start with the one thing i sorta, kinda liked   :   some of the visuals ( like the maggots and the other black and white bits   ), but i also feel like that worked against the overall trailer because these shots didnt mesh with the rest of it. the aesthetics felt very all over the place, and not in a fitting way.

i do NOT like the way sl*nderman looks. this is something thats always bugged me about modern horror, its something ive talked about before and that is   :   making things way too fucking creepy. sl*nderman has a very simple design that he can also manipulate so making him into this bizarre, stretched skin creature thing off the bat ... i just think its overkill. i think utilizing the uncanny valley with the original sl*nderman would have been So much better, especially since every horror film lately seems to be trying to outdo the last ones special effects and it just Murders any chance they had at being Actually scary

SPEAKING OF WHICH, the special effects in the trailer ... especially here ( potential trigger warning, its a very fast blur motion thing that might bother some people ) and here are borderline laughable. i mean, what the hell is the budget on this thing?? it was said that they wanted the film to be “traditional, low budget horror” but low budget horror doesnt look like this. they dont look like someone with a low budget using their budget and resources cleverly, they look like someone with a low budget tryna mimic someone with a high budget

already not a fan of the acting. its very cheesy, imho. very over   -   played. i honestly think thse actresses would do far better in some regular ol teen film. i dont doubt their potential, but i dont think this is a film theyre suited for At All. theyre no scream queens.

is a sl*nderman film VERY late to be coming out in 2018? abso-fucking-lutely. without a doubt. do i believe a sl*nderman film would still find success in 2018? honestly, yes, but i still wouldntve been happy even if the movie was utterly flawless. i also think that picking the waukesha stabbing as the primary inspiration was in bad taste, and again, heavily dated the film. 

the sl*nderverse ARGs still have adoring fans who are completely invested. a group of friends from new jersey with a potato quality video camera and some video editing software created a far more immersive storyline, complete with horrifying effects and interesting characters. however, because of these ARGs i, and im sure other fans, cant really separate sl*nderman from his proxies and the cast we’ve already grown accustomed to.

tl   ;   dr ?? i have the same opinion as everyone else does. its gonna fucking SUCK.

[crypticmyg-blog]

budapest, helsinki, vienna

Budapest: Have you ever been put in the Friend Zone?

yeah, but in a way, i was thankful for that. i wouldn’t say the feelings i had for that person weren’t deep enough, but it wasnt right. i think, they knew that i wasn’t actually comfortable with the thought of being with them but i was forced to think that i was? considering im still friends with the person, i believe that decision was the right one.

Helsinki: Imagine you have to choose between love and your greatest goal in life. What would be your choice?

i’d argue that my greatest goal in in life is to love but that wouldn’t be true. i’d choose love, though. my greatest goal is already quite impractical and giving that up, it wouldn’t be too bad. that, and the fact that i have love in my life right now. not only romantically but platonically verging on familial love is something that i am becoming accustomed to. living without that? i dont think i’d be able to. i’d be a shell of my former self. besides, if your greatest goal is something that has love connected to it, no matter what way, how are you expected to actually accomplish that if you let go of love? wouldn’t it just make you miserable?

Vienna: Choose a song to define your life and explain it.

i cheated a little on this one. choosing just one song isn’t possible. my life has been all over the place the moment i was born and trying to find just a single song to explain that isn’t possible. at least, currently. instead, i chose a song that defines a part of my life, a pretty prominent one at that. honesty by pink sweat $ is just, relatable in a sense? love has always been something i wasn’t quite 100% sure about. finding someone that is able to put up with me, to be patient with me and the shit that i do, it’s hard. having that raw trust and honesty isn’t something that comes easy to me, i’ll admit. and it’s understandable why some of the relationships in my life haven’t worked out but that doesn’t mean that they didn’t hurt. that they still don’t have some effect on me. but, recently, i found someone that i’m able to feel safe and comfortable with. he’s someone that doesnt make me want to hide away. he’s so unbelievably understanding and patient and it just.. blows my mind. i don’t have to be so fucking scared towards him and it’s just.. i dont know. i love him, though. that i do know. and i think he loves me back as well.

[spellcastersjudgement]

Jaden nd bastion for that domestic ask thing? >:3c

THE OTP YES i have so many feelings and everyone needs to hear me sob over the nerd baby and his superhero 

also that icon is the content i look for on this hellsite well done 

who is the big spoon/little spoon Jaden is the little spoon!! he prefers being the big spoon tbh he likes curling up against bastions fuckin ripped back but jaden always falls asleep first because he has to get this twelve hours or else he will be a grumpy boy but bastion?? bastion stays up all night drinking coffee and doing god knows what bc he’s the type of guy thats like ‘hey jaden im gonna go read a bit before i got to bed’ and then he fuckin stays up all night because he has no self control lmao so when it’s like 3am and he’s finally put down his book or finished dicking around on the computer he finally gets in bed and he doesnt want to wake up his husband (yes theyre married in my mind ok im love them) so he just lays down and pulls the human kuriboh to his chest and falls asleep 

what is their favorite non-sexual activity the standard answer is Card Games but besides dool masters they like to go on drives and look at stars and talk abt whatever. bastion is a chemical engineer and jaden’s his professional duelist trophy husband so they dont get to be together as much as they want bc jaden’s tournament schedule so when they’re together they gotta make it count u know so bastion will pick jaden up from the airport and they’ll just start driving out of the city talking about DM or what bastion’s been up to or whatever’s going through jaden’s mind (an enigma lmao) and then when there are no more streetlights to make it difficult to see the stars they’ll pull over and lay on the hood and cuddle and keep talking. it’s like 4am before they finally go home and since they’re going to sleep at the same time jaden finally gets his chance to be the big spoon 

who uses all the hot water in the morning getting jaden to shower is a fucking struggle he’s like a cat. living in the slifer dorm made him accustomed to being a generally gross person in general so he lives off dry shampoo and body spray so he doesn’t smell like hassleberry after a workout so that leaves bastion to take all of the water because he showers every morning after his run and insists on h is hair being perfect and well taken care of. like the guy has at least five different hair care products in the shower at all times while jaden, even though he’s dumb thick rich, buys that 3-in-1 crap he and syrus used to make stretch for a month back in college. jaden is also known to stick his kuriboh hair under the sink and shake it out like a dog because he is a gross boy that usually gets up about ten minutes before he has to leave so there’s no time for an actual shower and we’ve gotten away from the actual question but the tldr is bastion stands under the hot water he’s got one of those mirrors to shave in the shower while he’s doing his deep conditioning treatment and has a pore strip on his nose for beautiful ™ skin 

what they order from take out this one ties in a lot to my sageshipping BrOTP headcanons (on god there needs to be a brotp ask so i can scream to the world my love for bastion/alexis friendship) but the bit of background is that bastion and alexis would always order from this indian place that was open real late at night when they were in grad school together (no delivery at duel academy cause its an island u know) so it has a special place in his heart. jaden is a wimp when it comes to spice but since bastion loves it they order it anyway and the people that deliver the food know to make it wimpy baby spicy for jaden so he doesn’t end up sweating half his body weight up and crapping out lava four hours later 

what is the most trivial thing they fight over oh god they dont fight a lot because they love and appreciate each other’s eccentricities but if they’re going to fight its going to be over who’s doing the driving. they both love cars, bastion likes taking it apart and modifying them and whatnot and jaden likes the aesthetique (though his aesthetique is painting flames on a corolla jaden u lil shit smh) and they both like to go fast so when they go out they bitch abt who gets to drive. bastion tells jaden he doesnt appreciate the feel of the machine and jaden says bastion drives like a fucking old man so they end up settling the matter with rousing game of rock paper scissors 

who does most of the cleaning NEITHER OH MY GOD theyre both total slobs. bastion’s desk and home office is covered in his notebooks and duel monster cards, his walls covered with god knows what (formulas, dates, to-do lists, grocery lists) the guy just grabs the sharpie and starts writing because he’s afraid of forgetting something if he doesnt get it down right then. jaden lives in filth he has three day old bowls of cereal at his desk and uses used napkins as tissues he is certifiably NASTY. anyway they hire a housekeeper to make sure the entire house doesnt fall into disarray and she’s like their surrogate mother making sure they eat more than takeout and coffee and making sure the house smells nice. they call her Mama Cheryl (good middle aged mom name) and she’s the embarrassing mom at jadens local tournaments the kind that prints out huge pictures of his face and wears shirts with Neos on them and cheers for her boy v loudly. again we’re away from the question but i have a lot of headcanons abt this i’ll probs put in my dissertation lol 

what has a season pass in their DVR hmmm this is an interesting one…i like to think jaden loves crime shows because they’re heroes and he likes watching the good guys ™ win in the end. his favorite show is psych (which u all should watch its hilarious) but since that ended a while ago he’s been in to criminal minds and SVU because he likes watching the really diabolical criminals get caught. bastion never knew his mans was into such dark stuff until he opened the season pass thingy and got quite the heart attack because he thought jaden was all butterflies and flowers and funny stuff but bastion had to learn the duality of man the hard way. bastion doesn’t watch television that much but his guilty pleasure is vikings on the history channel and stuff on the discovery channel because he loves learning what a nerd 

who controls the netflix queue jaden is the one that likes to watch netflix the most but i wouldnt say he’s in control per se. they’re usually down for watching what each other likes but in the end jaden will sometimes end up superseding bastion because dammit bas we are not watching a documentary about the dead sea scrolls you dont even believe in god and bastions like fine youre cute we can watch Castle (even though thats not on netflix but i wish it were) 

who calls up the super/landlord when the heat’s not working jaden. jaden all the way. bastion brings up a a wikihow article about how to fix the hvac system and he’s like I CAN FIX THIS and jadens like ily babe but you work with chemicals not with this kind of thing ur gonna break it like the time u tried to fix the sink and fuckin clogged the shit out of it we are calling Cheryl and Cheryl’s like jaden im a housekeeper call someone who actually does this for a living. anyway while theyre waiting for the professionals to get there bastion tries to demonstrate he knows what he’s doing he is smort by writing the steps and shit on the wall and jadens like youre so cute but no dont touch the heating system. he has to distract his lil nerd by asking him about what deck he should use for his next tournament or what the probability of drawing three polymerizations on the first turn is and bastion loves talking about math so jaden keeps asking questions until the system is fixed (he doesnt remember much of bastions mathematical explanations but bastion looks so cute with his eyes all bright and shiny talking about statistics) 

who leaves their stuff around BOTH they are slobs. jadens a bit worse if we’re being honest because while bastion leaves his papers and cards around schmaden schmuki leaves his underwear and food and cups in the living room and is prone to stripping off his clothes for one reason or another and just laying on the couch watching ESPN with his goddamn pants on the floor and saying they were constricting his knees or some shit when bastion asks why he feels the need to be half naked all the time. bastion had his own room in college so he doesnt quite understand why jadens comfortable just answering the door with a trail of clothing behind him because most people that dont know him assume he’s been getting bizzay but nah he just be Like That

who remembers to buy the milk jaden do because he drinks milk in his coffee. bastion drinks it black so if theres no milk its like eh whatever but jaden is a mess without his caffeine and he hates how bitter and gross it is when theres no milk in it so even if jaden’s not the one going to the grocery store he’ll write it on the wall so bastion will remember it because his mans dont check his texts that often but anything on that wall he fuckin remembers and jaden doesnt understand why he be Like That 

who remembers anniversaries both! they are dumb thick in love with each other and they like to plan little things to do for the anniversary of their first date, when they made it official, their wedding, etc. jaden is much more extravagant and will do something like jump on the bed until bastion wakes up and then drag him out for breakfast and get atticus to sing a really off-key renditions of classic love songs and bastion blushes so hard and its so cute it should be criminal lmao. bastion will get jaden a cute little gift like one of those pictures where the artist takes a photo and paints it so they can hang it on their wall. or bastion will fine tune his duel disk or get him a new card for his deck. they are in big gay love and i love them so much 

thanks for this ask on god i just wrote 1800 words of tutorship feels i have a problem lol 

[clonerightsagenda]

Posting Gill’s bday fic over here with permission. It’s Rosemary-related and TLC compliant (with a couple of minor spoilers) but should be understandable even with no knowledge of the AU.

This is what you have learned from dating Rose Lalonde. Expect any room to fill up with clutter in her presence. Your attempts to keep things tidy are as effective as holding back the tide. Expect everything to take on the feel of an epic, like you might be summoned onto a world-altering quest at a moment’s notice. It’s like a human fairy tale, but the old kind, not remakes that are all glitter and talking animals. The stories with teeth.

Don’t expect her to say that she loves you.

Don’t take it personally either. That’s what you remind yourself. Rose resists sincerity. When you presented her with the first flowers you’d grown in the new greenhouse (roses; you’d been delighted to learn she’d been named for a flower), she’d laughed uncertainly like you’d unlocked an event she didn’t have a script for. Over the next week, as the blooms withered, they moved around. First you spotted them on the windowsill, then on her bedside table, in this vase or that one, like she couldn’t figure out what place they had in her life.

On the Land of Rays and Frogs, you encountered a puzzle path made of colored lily pads. If you stepped on the wrong one, it would buckle and deposit you in a mini-boss chamber before you returned to the start, weary and wiser. Navigating this relationship feels much the same. Some of your missteps now are the inevitable outcome of two species still learning about each other, but not all of them. After reading Rose’s walkthrough, you’d daydreamed of meeting its author. Now you think you need a walkthrough for her too.

The day after your tumultuous first date, Rose dumped her concoctions down the drain, saying she could embarrass herself perfectly well without the aid of depressants. Not even a week later, she set the equipment up again.

“It might come in handy for medicinal purposes,” she said when you asked her why she’d changed her mind. “Besides, it wasn’t all bad.” She winked. “We got some mileage out of it.”

You blushed, and your rainbow drinker glow briefly flared before you wrestled it under control again. In the first few weeks you hadn’t known how the rules changed when you moved from unofficial to official. Where did you put your eyes, or your hands? What were you allowed to say? “It did make you more forward.”

She laughed, and from the sharpness on her breath you realized she’d already been sampling her experiments. “I can be so fucking uptight sometimes. Maybe we all need to lighten up. Lighten up. Get it?”

“I get it,” you said. But you didn’t.

So you sought clarification from Dave. After you quested through the meteor, lipstick at the ready in case of clown sightings, you found him topside staring back the way you’d come. At the beginning of your journey, you’d taken turns stationing yourselves there, afraid Jack would catch up and resume his rampage when you least expected it. When he didn’t make an appearance, you’d all let your guards down, reducing sentry duty to a quick backward glance now and then. Was he keeping watch for Lord English now?

“Are you watching for Jack?” you asked.

He jumped and tried to cover it with a miniscule adjustment to his cape. “Nah. Watching Skeletor blast everyone to bits.”

“You and Rose have been up here a lot recently.”

“We both came up after the first killing, you know? It was so loud.” He rubbed at his eyes underneath his shades. His skin is a few shades lighter than his sibling’s, and you could see shadows there. “It’s been hard to sleep since then. At least she’s found a way to conk out.”

“About her newfound use of soporifics.” You hesitated, staring up at the flashing lights that were already becoming familiar. It’s amazing how fast you accustom yourselves to the unthinkable. “Is that normal for humans?”

He frowned. (Later, he’d tell you he hadn’t been sure how to respond. “I didn’t want to fuck it up for you two,” he said. “I didn’t think it’d get that bad.”) “Hard to say what’s normal in our situation. Guess a lot of people would pull out a bottle after everything we’ve gone through. Better than sticking a forty-five in your mouth. She’s always been extreme about reacting to things. It’s hard to believe we’re the same damn species sometimes, let alone siblings.”

“I didn’t think an outing with me is so terrible you have to be out of your wits to enjoy it.” You didn’t mean to sound petulant, but his eyebrows rose.

“She doesn’t mean it like that.”

“I thought you didn’t understand her.”

“It would take an institutional thinktank to really figure her out, but I do a little.” He shoved his hands into his pockets. He does that when he’s being serious sometimes. “I think the whole thing freaked her out. Freaks her out, present tense, if you’re officially an item now. Congrats, by the way.”

“Thank you.”

Another spiderweb of cracks blossomed above your heads. You could see them reflected in Dave’s shades as he said, “I don’t think she trusts anyone being nice to her 100%, that’s all. Not even me.”

Rose has been clean for months now in human terms. You both have. The first few weeks of your victory were spent dealing with the effects of abandoning your substances of choice. You stumbled around feeling as if you’d been dipped in concrete, your movements and thoughts slow and ponderous. Rose went days without sleep and flinched away from things the rest of you couldn’t see. Roxy warned you of what to expect, since she’d gone through the process before. She’s also the one who told you to remind Rose to eat. “She’s not gonna want to,” she said. “You feel gross all over and the last thing you want to do is stick more shit in your body, but if you don’t eat you’ll just feel crummier.”

You’d noticed her drinking her meals before, but you’d never brought it up beyond meaningful glances or the pointed placement of foodstuffs in her respiteblock. Rose has always been good at dodging questions. “Do you have any suggestions for a strategic approach? She’ll try to deflect me with witticisms. Her barbs are floppy at the edges right now, but my defenses are equally compromised.”

“That’s a cute way of saying you’re both fucked up.” Roxy shrugged. “I can’t beat her in a war of words, and I wouldn’t try. My advice? Sit on her and force feed her Saltines while telling her it’s for her own good.”

You had been skipping meals yourself. Even after eating normal food, you still felt hungry. Your system wanted something else to satisfy it, so what was the point? Rose latched on to that hypocrisy when you tried to nag her, so you’d end up sitting across the table from each other with plates of leftovers cold from the fridge, matching each other mouthful for mouthful. Whatever worked.

The worst of that is past now. But sometimes she still behaves in ways that make you wonder if after all these sweeps she really trusts you.

-- grimAuxiliatrix [GA] began pestering gardenGnostic [GG] -- GA: Jade GA: Shes Doing It Again GG: whos doing what? :o GA: You Know Who GA: Who Else Do I Come To You In Search Of Explanations For Their Inexplicable Habits GA: Show Some Space Player Solidarity Here GA: There Are So Few Of Us Who View Common Sense As Part Of A Complete Breakfast GG: for everyone else its an optional granola to sprinkle on top GA: The Recipe Said Season To Taste And Im Afraid Theres A Serious Lack Of That In The Premises GA: Ok Can We Cut The Extended Cooking Metaphor Out GG: yeah, it was getting a little meanspirited GA: That Too I Guess Mostly I Didnt Want To Get Stuck Exchanging Culinary Puns GG: ok, what terrible thing is rose doing now GA: She Has Locked Herself In Her Room And Has Been Listening To Her Playlist Designated For Angst For Three Hours GG: lol GG: that behavior cannot stand! GG: except it sort of can, since we all have a right to privacy GG: even if we exercise that right by listening to sad music all day GG: these things cannot be revoked for bad taste GA: Actually Most Of It Has Been Pretty Good GA: Filtering Through The Door Gives It Nice Acoustics GG: maybe you need to give her some... space :D :D :D GA: I Just Want To Know What Upset Her GA: She Says It Wasnt Me But I Dont Know If That Means It Wasnt Me Or It Was Me And I Am Expected To Work That Out On My Own GA: A Reassessment Of The Past Few Days Activities Hasnt Turned Up Anything Suspicious GG: i cant think of anything that might have upset her... GG: ohhhhhhhhhh GG: i think its her moms birthday GG: that might be it GA: How Did You Know GA: Is That Supposed To Be Common Knowledge GG: she complained one time about having to go to a fancy dinner GG: something thrown by her moms colleagues i think??? GG: her mom made her dress up in something frilly, she said she felt like an american girl doll GG: to be honest she sent a picture and i thought it was a cute dress!! GG: definitely not her style though GA: Im Impressed You Remember GG: i try to keep track of these things GG: it was nice hearing about everyones lives, i always wished I could do things like that GG: tell me your lususes birthday, i will put it in my calendar GA: I Never Knew It GA: I Wish Shed Told Me GA: Rose I Mean I Dont Think Wriggling Days Are Important For Virgin Mothergrubs GG: dont take it personally GG: she does it to all of us, and youre her girlfriend so she has to be EXTRA secretive about terrible and compromising things like emotions GA: That Logic Sounds Backward GG: the human mind is a complicated maze of mystery kanaya GA: Sounds Mysterious GG: it is GG: she probably doesnt realize its stressing you out, i know shes trying to be better about that kind of thing GG: you know, COMMUNICATION!! D: GA: No Please Anything But That GG: the achilles heel of our entire household GG: i can bug her if you want GA: No Thats Ok GA: Mostly I Wanted To Make Sure I Hadnt Caused This And Needed To Resolve It GA: If She Wants To Grieve By Herself I Understand GG: if shes still in there by dinner well root her out! GG: there is a limit to how many sad songs are good for your soul GA: Ok GA: In The Meantime Do You Have Any Work That Needs Doing In The Greenhouse GA: Id Like To Keep My Hands Busy GG: theres some stuff that needs deadheading on table three GG: do you want company? GA: No Thats Fine GA: Ill Talk To You Later GG: sure thing! -- ¬¬grimAuxiliatrix [GA] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] -- GA: Im Sorry About Your Mother TT: Who told you about that? GA: Jade TT: Figures. TT: Lousy goddamn supportive friends. GA: She Has Said She Will Flush You Out If You Dont Come Down To Dinner GA: Do You Feel Up To It GA: Otherwise I Can Convince Her To Leave You Be GA: She Is Easily Distracted From Her Resolutions If You Know How To Play Your Gaming Rectangles Right TT: No, I'll be there. TT: What time is it? GA: Half Past Five So No Rush GA: Im Still Gardening And Havent Washed Up TT: It might take me that long to get presentable. GA: Was Her Wriggling Day Important To You GA: I Admit The Concept Is New To Me GA: What With Our Ancestors Being So Far Removed From Our Lives And Our Guardians Being Literal Fauna Who Did Not Celebrate Notable Dates TT: It’s probably not even her real birthday. TT: We were all created on the same day, and I doubt anyone was on hand to record when her meteor touched down. TT: She must have picked a day she liked. TT: We used to give each other over-the-top gifts every year. TT: I thought she was being passive aggressive, so I reciprocated in turn. TT: The last year, I thought about getting her a bedazzled martini glass, but I didn’t get around to it. TT: Thank god. TT: I can only hope she interpreted my gestures as sincere as readily as I interpreted hers as sarcastic. TT: Otherwise she must have thought I was the worst daughter imaginable. GA: Im Sure She Didnt Think That TT: I wish I’d given her something better. TT: Something genuine. GA: I Was Working On A New Hat For Nepeta During The Game GA: I Got Some Monster Slime On Her Old One With A Sloppy Chainsaw Maneuver And Even Though She Said It Wasnt The First Time I Wanted To Make It Up To Her GA: And Help At Least One Of My Teammates Diversify Their Wardrobe TT: There’s always an ulterior motive, isn’t there? GA: You Tell Me GA: You Are The Expert In Decoding The Nefarious Meaning Hidden Within Every Exchange Of Pleasantries TT: It’s a secret code, Kanaya. TT: The sixth grader who tossed the newspaper into our yard this morning is working with the KGB. That’s what "Good morning" meant. This is well established in spy manuals. GA: My Knowledge Of Human Subterfuge Is Always Expanding GA: The Hat Was Supposed To Be A Surprise GA: Then I Found It In A Treasure Chest Not Long Into Our Journey GA: Theyre Gone And You Know That But Then You Find Something That Reminds You GA: Oh GA: Ill Never Give Her That Will I TT: I don’t know what I would’ve done if we’d lost anyone from our session. TT: Well, I do know. I have memories from a timeline where we lost half. TT: It wasn’t pretty. TT: I know in a lot of ways we got lucky. GA: Its Not A Contest GA: You Dont Have To Have Had It Worst To Feel Bad TT: I know. TT: But it’s hard. GA: See Look At Us Talking About Our Emotions Isnt That Nice GA: A Horrible Kind Of Nice TT: Or a nice kind of horrible. TT: Either or. GA: The Juxtaposition Is Key TT: I didn't mean to shut you out. GA: I Know You Need Privacy Sometimes GA: I Would Just Prefer To Know Whats Going On So I Dont Have To Worry About Whats Wrong GA: And You Know You Can Talk To Me TT: I know. Intellectually. TT: Is it weird I can trust you all with my life but not always with my feelings? GA: Kind Of GA: But I Get It GA: Were All Weird About Some Things TT: I'm trying to do better. And I'll let you know next time I need to indulge in a three-hour sad jams session so you won't worry. TT: Maybe after I've run through my playlist, we can even talk about it. GA: We Can Sit Awkwardly At A Table Waiting For The Other One To Break The Silence First TT: A tradition. GA: Also I Should Let You Know Its Stir Fry Night TT: Really? TT: You should have led with that. TT: Save me a seat.

As time passes, you all improve with hesitant steps that sometimes send you sliding back, sometimes not. Rose throws herself into her walkthrough, which she plans to distribute to anyone else caught up in SGRUB’s gears. Everyone is on consultant duty to flesh out areas of personal expertise. You, however, are her co-editor, a position of special privilege.

Rose views the work as one more way to help whatever players come after you. Your motivation is less selfless. Once, several sweeps and universes ago, an alien’s words found you and gave you something to hang on to. Somewhere, in a distant galaxy, someone else is being forced to play this game. Maybe your words can reach them, like Rose’s reached you. Working on the walkthrough now lets you build something together in a way that she won’t dismiss as sappy and overdone, a love letter for the universe.

That doesn’t mean you don’t run into difficulties, of course.

TT: Have you had a chance to look over the Prospit chapter? GA: Oh Uh GA: Ive Seen It TT: Did you have any feedback? TT: I'm going to ask Jade too, but I thought I'd give you the first shot. GA: Um GA: I Dont Know TT: Was it that off-base? TT: I know I'm a Derse dreamer, but I tried to be thorough. GA: Its More The Tone GA: You Wrote That Prospit May Look Friendlier But Should Still Be Viewed As An Antagonist Because It Has Ulterior Motives GA: And Maybe Thats True Especially About The Clouds GA: But My Time On The Moon Was The Brighter Portion Of My Childhood GA: And The People Of Prospit Were Always Kind To Me GA: So I Guess The Framing Made Those Memories Feel Kind Of GA: Threatened TT: Oh. GA: It Isnt A Logical Reaction TT: What do you think I should change? GA: I Dont Know GA: Maybe Nothing GA: Youre The Expert Here I Know Im Biased Toward My Moon Whatever Systems It Might Be Part Of GA: We All Take That View About Some Parts Of Our Youth Dont We GA: Even If It Was Part Of Something Bad We Remember The Good Moments GA: We Hold On To The Small Kindnesses TT: …Yeah. GA: You Can Disregard That Feedback GA: Youre The One With Writing Expertise And A Clear Goal In Mind GA: I Dont Really Know What Im Doing GA: Youre Better At This TT: I’m really not. TT: I just put on a more convincing show. TT: Don’t dismiss yourself. You have expertise in areas I don’t. GA: I Guess Im Not As Used To Putting Myself Out There TT: You can come up with a clever pen name. TT: There’s a tradition of vampires spelling their names backward. GA: Im Reformed TT: An anagram then, maybe. TT: Jokes aside, this is a collaborative project. We’ve got a Google doc and everything. TT: I don't want to intergalactically publish anything you're not comfortable with. TT: How about a revision session this evening? I'll bring Lofthouse cookies. GA: The Ones That Are Just Discs Of Sugar And Flour TT: With nary a redeeming nutritional quality in sight. TT: Keep that quiet, though. Jane would kill me if she knew I was smuggling them into the house. GA: Sounds Great Ill Be There

Rose’s typical drafting position is on her stomach with her laptop propped up on the pillow. You prefer to stretch your legs out with your back up against the wall. Thermoses of tea balance precariously between the two of you on the mattress.

“There’s been a lot of activity on the kernelsprite document,” Rose says, flicking through the pages. “Apparently Hal listed “100 advantages of being prototyped” and Dirk replaced it with “Most of this list is either illegal or immoral.” I’m turning track changes on to see what they were.”

You tap your fingers idly on the keys while your own husktop buffers. “Anything good?”

“Get away with murder,” she reads. “That’s cliché, you don’t even have to be a sprite for that. I think he just put it in there to be edgy. He’s trying so hard; you have to respect that. It’s like when I started buying black makeup to try to spite my mother.” She scrolls down further. “Oh, here’s a good one. Clip through the floor.”

“I’ve seen John do it. He’s not as original as he thinks he is.” You peer at her screen. “Eat your enemy’s phone. I’ll give him points for one. It’s not feasible for most mortals.”

Rose reaches across your legs for another cookie. “Sure, if you’re a coward.”

“I’ll accept that designation if it means avoiding a mouthful of circuitry.”

She chews thoughtfully and then flicks a sprinkle off onto the carpet. At least you’re in her room. Still, you feel a compulsion to pick it up. “About what you were saying earlier. I don’t want to contribute to any lingering insecurities.”

The change of topics catches you off guard. “They’re milling around in the lobby, but I’m not letting them upstairs.” You shrug, your shoulders sliding up the wall. “As we’ve been reminding each other, we can’t fix everything about ourselves immediately. I’m more confident than I used to be. I didn’t let Jake talk me into that routine with the glitter.”

“Shame.” She frowns at you, an expression diluted somewhat by a rim of frosting on her upper lip. “I’m not commandeering this project too much, am I? It’s nice to have something to be enthusiastic about again, but maybe I’m getting carried away.”

“No, you’re being very accommodating.” You squirm, smoothing out inconsequential creases in your skirt. Sometimes feelings don’t make sense. But once Rose decides she wants to talk about them, she tries to pin them to the page and dissect them. She does it because she wants to understand and help, the same way she wants to reverse engineer SBURB with words to assist players who come after. That doesn’t make the process any more pleasant when you’re the one on the operating table. “The problem is on my end, in the concern lobby. The lurking insecurities have been taking numbers for a while, and the counter is only up to twelve.”

“Like Inside Out crossed with a DMV? Hellish.” Rose picks up a pen and rolls it between her fingers. She likes to draft things longhand first sometimes. “I remember back on the last day of the game, you said you thought everyone burned brighter than you. You must’ve realized by now that my “burning brighter” is mostly because I have a habit of setting myself on fire.”

You’ll admit you’d been starstruck by the walkthrough’s mysterious author. It had been nice to harbor a new secret crush once Vriska was a lost cause. And you’d first met Rose face to face as a newly risen goddess bathed in the luminescence of the Green Sun. She’d seemed ethereal and beyond you.

Then, after the first few hours of sorting out living arrangements and watching Karkat roam around yelling for Gamzee to give the bodies back, she’d announced she was going to “sleep for a fucking week” and faceplanted into the nearest rug. Dave didn’t help beyond alchemizing some safety cones and setting them up around her. That had helped a little. So had seeing what her hair looks like in the mornings. “If you’re worried I have some unattainable vision of you set on a mental altar, rest easy. But you did restructure the multiverse with nothing but nerve, so I might still want your autograph a little.”

Rose brandishes the pen. “Only on the condition I get to sign your bra.” When you wave her away, she drops it on the pillow. “Spearheading the multiverse operation is one of my prouder accomplishments, I’ll admit, but my violet-tinged authorial prowess is entirely due to thinking I was hot shit as a pre-teen on the Internet. Besides, if we’re talking bragging rights, you fixed reality. Not to mention put up with us idiots for three years.”

“That was a struggle.” At times you’d wondered if you were the only one on the meteor keeping ahold of your wits. “Remember when the ceiling panels gave way and Gamzee fell onto the table?”

“Not our best group dinner. But you see, I’m a mess. You’re the one who has her act together.”

You frown. Being praised for your stability is a sore spot of yours. Yes, you’d been the one to bear everyone else’s struggles. That doesn’t mean you liked it. “I had to. Someone did. It got tiring after a while, though.”

Rose winces. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it that way. You shouldn’t have had to. But it is impressive that you did.”

“You were sick,” you say, in response to her apology.

You see her shoulder blades rise and fall in a muted shrug. “I know. But that doesn’t mean you should have had to deal with it.”

“I guess…” Maybe you’re the one who’s prompted her to speak up, but you struggle with your words too. Troll culture teaches you that open exchanges of feelings are for moirails. Palemates are the only people you can trust the depths of your soul to, if you can truly trust anyone at all. Humans don’t compartmentalize in the same way. You can see the benefits of that system, but you still fear saying the wrong thing will push her away. “You undercut yourself to tell me I’m better than I think I am. But if I’m already worried about measuring up to some standard, that just pushes us both lower. Do you see what I mean?”

“The self-deprecation’s not cute. Got it.” She twists around in what is probably some kind of advanced yoga pose to look you in the eye. “But you shouldn’t undersell yourself either, ok?”

When she doesn’t break eye contact, you nod reluctantly. “This is a very affirming argument we’re having.”

She reaches over and prods you with the pen. “I’m channeling Jake. Believe in yourself.”

You smile. “It’s hard to resist, these days.”

When you’re done for the evening, Rose captchalogues her laptop and you troop out. Everyone has their own room, but all of you tend to spend more of your nights in the common area curled up in armchairs or slumped over each other on sofas, within easy sight of each other when you wake from bad dreams. After a few weeks of intentionally lingering there until you fell asleep, you made it official and filled the whole room with soft materials like a huge communal pile. Terezi even taped up democratically-determined regulations. Rose spends some nights curled up next to you with her face shoved so close against your neck you wonder how she can breathe. Sometimes, though, she retreats to a corner with a pillow at her back like a wall. You know not to approach her then.

Tonight, she finds an empty patch of floor and drops down on it. You lower yourself next to her.

“Are you happy with the chapter now?” she asks.

“I’d like to give it another pass tomorrow, but it’s much better.”

“And everything else?”

“That’s better too.”

“Good.” She gives you a peck on the lips and, when Terezi wolfwhistles, flips her the bird and kisses you for real. You kiss her back, until… You pull away.

“Are you wearing my lip balm?”

“Maybe.” She purses the lips in question. “It’s got a good flavor.”

“I was wondering where that went. You know, you could have just asked to borrow it.” Grudgingly, anyway. She has a terrible habit of licking the stuff off and then reapplying it to start the cycle anew.

Rose raises an eyebrow. “You offered to do my laundry so you could steal my favorite shirt.”

You think, with only a modicum of guilt, of the shirt you have stashed behind the laundry basket in your closet. “It’s very soft.”

“I’m never getting that back, am I?”

“Probably not.”

She sticks her tongue out at you and pulls a blanket over her shoulders. “Night.”

“Good night,” you say. That’s the only endearment you exchange.

-- grimAuxiliatrix [GA] began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] -- GA: Karkat GA: Karkat Answer Your Phone I Know You Can See This GA: Youre Looking At It Right Now CG: YEAH I SURE AM. CG: I'M STARING AT THIS MARVELOUS HUNK OF PLASTIC AND ELECTRICITY IN MY HANDS AND REFLECTING ON HOW IT GRANTS US THE ABILITY TO COMMUNICATE WITH EACH OTHER FROM ANY DISTANCE. CG: SUCH AS, FOR EXAMPLE, EIGHT FUCKING FEET AWAY. GA: This Is Private CG: I DIDN'T KNOW WE HAD A CONCEPT OF PRIVACY ANYMORE. CG: COLOR ME SURPRISED, SO SOME THINGS ABOUT OUR LIVES *AREN’T* SUPPOSED TO BE COMMON KNOWLEDGE? GA: It Might Help If You Spoke With Any Kind Of Discretion Or Volume Control CG: NOT AN OPTION. CG: CARRY ON. GA: Youve Watched A Lot Of Human Romances GA: What Is The Appropriate Interval Before Affirmations Of Matespritship Are Exchanged GA: You Know Like GA: Uh CG: "I LOVE YOU"? GA: Yes That CG: THE FIRST STEP IS BEING ABLE TO TYPE IT INTO A PRIVATE CHAT SESSION WITHOUT BLUSHING. CG: I CAN SEE YOU OVER THERE. GA: Dammit GA: What Is The Waiting Period Here Like Three Sweeps CG: SO I GUESS SHE HASN'T DONE IT YET? GA: Well GA: Not Sober GA: She Was Quite Eager To Confess Admiration While On Soporifics GA: To Everyone And Everything Including Inanimate Objects GA: Im Not Sure Such Exchanges No Matter How Heartfelt Can Be Considered Fully Genuine CG: YOU'RE IN LUCK, A LOT OF HUMAN FILMS COVER THIS IN DEPTH. CG: IF YOU WANT I CAN ARRANGE A VIEWING SESSION WITH SOME MORE INFORMATIVE SELECTIONS. GA: That Might Be Fun GA: But Mostly I Would Appreciate Some Friendly Advice GA: As Educational As Im Sure The Latest Work Starring Anne Hathaway Would Be CG: AN EXECUTIVE SUMMARY IS: CG: IT USUALLY DOESN’T TAKE THIS LONG. CG: BUT THE CHARACTERS INVOLVED ARE OLDER, THE SAME SPECIES, AND HAVEN’T BEEN THROUGH A WAR, SO IT’S NOT A REPRESENTATIVE SAMPLE. CG: ARE YOU WORRIED ABOUT IT? GA: Not Exactly GA: I Know The Sentiment Is There GA: If Anything I Just Hope She Feels Comfortable Enough She Knows She Can Be Open With Me GA: Shes Trying But I Can Tell Its Still Difficult For Her CG: DAVE SAYS "its obvious shes crazy about you" SO NO WORRIES THERE. GA: Why Is Dave Part Of This Conversation CG: HE WALKED OVER AND LOOKED AT MY PHONE OVER THE BACK OF THE SOFA. CG: LIKE I SAID. PRIVACY = ZERO GA: Hi Dave CG: HE SAYS HI. GA: I Saw Him Wave GA: Now Tell Him To Go Away CG: AND HE’S GONE. CG: THE CHAT IS CLEAR OF FUTURE BROTHERS-IN-LAW. GA: Future What CG: THAT’S WHAT YOU’LL BE IF YOU AND ROSE GET "HUMAN MARRIED". CG: THE RITUAL MAKES YOU FAMILY WITH THEIR ENTIRE FAMILY. CG: I’M PRETTY SURE IT WAS HISTORICALLY DESIGNED TO ACQUIRE ECONOMIC AND POLITICAL ADVANTAGES. CG: YOU KNOW, KIND OF LIKE HOW INTERCASTE MOIRALLEGIANCES CAN AFFORD LOWER CASTES PROTECTION. CG: BUT IN MODERN TIMES MOSTLY IT MEANS YOU’RE STUCK WITH THOSE CHUCKLEFUCKS FOR LIFE AS A PACKAGE DEAL. GA: Oh No CG: OH YES. GA: Karkat I May Be Rethinking This Whole Venture CG: TOO LATE, I’M GOING TO BE YOUR BEST MAN. IT’S ALREADY DECIDED. GA: What Is A Best Man GA: Is It Whoever I Have Designated If I Were For Some Reason Obligated To Wed Someone Of That Gender CG: NO. CG: THE MOVIES AREN’T ENTIRELY CLEAR ABOUT THEIR ROLE, BUT IN GENERAL THEY GIVE HEARTFELT SPEECHES AND PROVIDE EMOTIONAL SUPPORT. GA: Maybe I Want Jake To Be My Best Man GA: He Can Recite Touching Monologues Ripped From The Silver Screen CG: YOU HAVE NO SAY IN THIS WHATSOEVER. CG: (YOU KNOW I’M JOKING, RIGHT?) GA: I Figured GA: Although I Wouldn’t Put It Past You To Try To Plan That Kind Of Thing Out For Me CG: HEY IF YOU EVER WANT IDEAS, I CAN THROW SOME OUT THERE. CG: YOU’RE WAY TOO YOUNG FOR THAT KIND OF THING THOUGH. CG: AND WE STILL HAVE TO GET YOU FROM POINT A TO POINT B, WHICH INVOLVES TRAVERSING THE ROCKY TERRAIN OF EMOTIONAL HONESTY, WITH WHICH I HAVE HAD NO PAST PROBLEMS AT ALL. CG: YOU COULD ALWAYS SAY IT FIRST YOURSELF I GUESS. CG: UNLESS YOU THINK THAT’LL MAKE HER EVEN MORE NERVOUS? GA: It Might GA: Outright Displays Of Emotion Embarrass Her She Relates It Too Much To Her Drunken Excesses And Those Of Her Mother GA: If I Can Be Permitted To Psychoanalyze Here GA: Shes Admitted As Much CG: THEN… LET HER KNOW SHE CAN FEEL COMFORTABLE? CG: THAT DOESN’T SOUND VERY EXCITING, BUT MAYBE IT DOESN’T HAVE TO. CG: THEY MAKE A BIG DEAL OUT OF IT IN THE MOVIES BUT I THINK AS LONG AS YOU’RE BOTH ON THE SAME PAGE WHETHER THOSE THREE EXACT WORDS HAVE ESCAPED YOUR QUIVERING CHUTE FLAPS DOESN’T MATTER ALL THAT MUCH. CG: THERE ARE OTHER WAYS TO SHOW YOU CARE. I’M PRETTY SURE YOU’VE GOT THAT COVERED. CG: MOVIES AREN’T ALWAYS THAT REALISTIC ABOUT WHICH PARTS OF A RELATIONSHIP ARE A FEDERAL FUCKING ISSUE VERSUS WHICH PARTS ARE NEGOTIABLE. GA: !! CG: YEAH YEAH RUB IT IN. CG: SO I RELIED ON THEM A LOT, IT’S NOT LIKE I HAD MUCH PERSONAL EXPERIENCE. GA: I Shouldnt Criticize This Was Helpful GA: Thanks For Listening GA: And I Would Like To Watch Movies With You Sometime If That Offer Is Still On The Table CG: DEFINITELY. CG: I’LL LET YOU KNOW WHEN I’VE GOT A GOOD LINEUP PULLED TOGETHER.

A few days later, Rose wanders into your room unannounced and flops onto the bed. This isn’t uncommon behavior, so you keep sorting through your clean laundry. Her cat behaves similarly, insinuating himself into a room as if he belongs there. It’s a lazy confidence you envy. “We should go out,” she says, directing her words at the ceiling.

“We should?” you ask, holding two socks up to see if they match. They don’t, exactly, but they are a pair. Rose knitted them for you herself. They’re lumpy and awkwardly shaped, and you treasure them.

“We were going to do something fun after the game, remember? That was the plan. But we've both been sick, and outside is...” Rose waves toward the window and the world it serves as a barrier against. “Outside, so we haven't gotten around to it. But we should. You’ve been in your room a lot. It’ll do us both good.”

Drat. Your downturns aren’t as explosive as the others’. Sometimes you simply withdraw, spending more time on your own while a mental screen descends between you and the world, distorting it like a blur filter. There’s nothing wrong with you, exactly; it’s just that you don’t have the energy. That’s not bad, right? There are worse things than numbness. “What were you thinking we could do?”

She sits up halfway and then flops back down again. The pillows bounce. “I was hoping you'd have some ideas.”

You twist the socks together and toss them into the appropriate drawer. “The only thing I remember suggesting was outfits without sleeves.”

“Compelling, but not really something to make a date out of.” Rose frowns. “Have we ever... had a normal date? By regular people's standards?”

“Troll or human?” You shake your head. “I don't think any species would give us a passing grade.”

“Earthworms might be impressed.”

You pout. “You've never taken me to any good plots of soil.”

“We'll do that next time. For now, Jane said someone needs to do the shopping.”

“You know how to sweep me off my feet.”

Rose, still prone, waves a list in your direction. “It'll be fun. We get to pick which flavor of potato chips we want, and everyone else has to live with it.”

If Alternia had anything like supermarkets, they hadn’t spread near your oasis. For all that your caste can stand the sun, the electric lights hurt your eyes. They’re too bright – a harsh white that makes all the bright colors look flat and artificial. You reach for Rose’s hand, and she squeezes it. “I appreciate the support,” you say, “but I wanted to see the list.”

“Oh. Right.” She brings it up for both of you to consult. “Does Jade know how expensive beef is? She’s really running us through it.”

“She’s been talking about growing vegetables for the household. It’s too bad she can’t raise her own cows.”

“Don’t give her ideas. She wouldn’t be able to bring herself to butcher them, not after we’d named them all.” Rose leads you to the back of the store and scoops up slabs of meat packed into tidy foam and plastic containers. The setup is so clinical your residual rainbow drinker instincts don’t even twitch. It’s a far cry from the Alternian pastime of slicing your dinner up while it’s still wriggling. “We need milk,” she begins, and trails off after she pivots to the left. “It was that way in my old store. But they must not follow a common plan.”

Rose looks unmoored now that her navigational confidence has been broken. A lot of the humans are like this, wavering when their world doesn’t behave the way they think it should. It’s almost easier for those of you who expect foreign ways and customs. It’s harder to be a stranger in your own home. “We’ll wander,” you say, and steer her firmly by the shoulder.

By a combination of trial and error and studying signage like relics of a lost civilization, you manage to gather everything on the list. The only problem comes when you pass a series of shelves stacked with bottles, and Rose stiffens. It takes a moment for the pieces to fall into place – you’ve never seen wine packaged in its original containers before.

”Come on,” you say, linking your arm with hers. “Help me test which limes are ripest.”

You have to tug for a moment before she comes with you. You don’t think she’s planning to make a running leap for the vintage. If anything, she looks like she does when there’s an enemy sighted, wary and ready to spring. If she destroys several wine racks with a blast of divine light, that’ll probably go on your bill.

”Sorry,” she says, once you’ve made it to the produce section. “At my old store, it was in a separate room. Not out in the open.”

You lean toward her a little, so your shoulders press together. “It took you by surprise.”

She leans back. “Like pulling down your sheets and seeing a spider in your bed.” You see a dot of blood on her lower lip. She must have bitten it. “It must be harder for you. There’s no getting away from all that blood walking around on two legs.”

”It’s easier not to slip up, though.” You reach over with your free hand and dab at her cut, wiping the smear on the side of your shirt. “They’d make a fuss if I tried to sample it.”

”That’s what recovering alcoholics need.” She swipes at her mouth herself, but the wound is already closing. “Wine bottles that scream when you open them.”

”You’ve uncovered a new industry.”

”I need to patent it immediately.”

You squeeze her arm before letting go. If she’s making jokes, that’s a good sign.

Rose perks up when you’re heading toward the checkout. “Hang on. We have to stop by the natural foods section.”

”We do?” You check the list again. There’s nothing left on it.

”You never know,” she says. Now it’s her turn to drag you along. “The cure to all our life’s problems might be hiding next to the apricot kernels.”

Her tone is mocking. “Is there something wrong with natural products?”

”Not on their own. Jade says a lot of processed food upsets her stomach after growing up without it. But some people will pitch organic to you as the cure for cancer, and if you’re telling me you feed your four-year-old Goji berries instead of getting him vaccinated, I think you’ve opened yourself up to public disdain.” Rose plucks a box of tea off the shelf. “Look at this one. It says it’ll revitalize your body and restore harmony to your thoughts. All for twelve dollars, too.”

”Sounds like a deal.”

”It would have its work cut out for it with us. Hey, if I drink Sleepy Time and Stay Alert blends at the same time, what do you think will happen?”

”You’ll shed your corporeal form and ascend to a being of pure consciousness, and that would be a shame, because I like your face.” You retrieve the boxes and put them back before she decides to do product testing. “Apparently these exotic grains cure depression with their wholesome vitamins and minerals.”

”Buy the whole shelf.”

She’s right; some of these products are ridiculous. The two of you are giggling over asparagus water when a middle-aged woman pushes past you with her shopping cart. A highblood couldn’t look down their nose better. “Are you girls done with that?” she asks.

”Definitely,” Rose says, straight-faced. “I’d recommend it. It made us gay.”

Rose did the talking there, and you were too busy laughing to think of how to react. But when you get to the cashier, your tongue twists in your mouth. You stammer through pleasantries until Rose rescues you and completes the transaction. You drift away while she's collecting the bags, pretending to peruse the week's advertisement flier.

“She was pretty,” Rose says when she joins you, groceries in tow. “Is that why you were stuttering?”

You take half the bags from her. It would have been polite to help her carry them from the conveyor belt, but you needed to escape. “Was she? I didn't notice.”

She nudges you with a conspiratorial grin. “You don't have to play coy. I won't get jealous.”

“I'm not playing coy.” You shift one of the bags over your wrist, and something inside crinkles. Hopefully you didn’t break anything. “Her face was a blur. I panicked.”

Rose’s smile fades. “I’d forgotten you could be shy.”

The automatic doors whoosh open as the two of you approach. You sidestep a mother and her offspring going the other direction. “When you grow up on an oasis where your nearest neighbors are the shambling undead, you're a little cautious of strangers.”

“But willing to send them messages on Pesterchum questioning their intelligence and morals.”

She printed your first conversation logs off and stuck them to her wall, which you find equally endearing and annoying. Every time you see them, you itch to pull out a pen and make edits. “That's different. We weren't face to face. And... this is all new, here. I worry they'll be able to tell.”

“That they'll scream “Space invader!” and cart you off to a top secret facility?

”I’m sure it’s funny to you,” you say with a sniff, starting across the parking lot. “They won’t dissect you.”

She smiles again – you meant her to; the dissection at least was a joke. “I get nervous too. Not as much now after everything we’ve been through, but I’ve always been hyperaware of social situations. But I tend to take the ‘don't get scared; get angry’ approach.”

You recall how she marched up to the conveyor belt and slammed down her purchases. “I did wonder if you were going to challenge the salesperson to a strife.”

“Chalk it up to the childhood narcissism. I always felt like everyone was passing judgment.”

You accidentally make eye contact with a man stepping out of his vehicle and redirect your gaze at Rose’s collarbone. “Like everyone's watching.”

She nods. “And that's not true. They have their own problems and couldn't care less what we do. We're not important to them. In this case, that's reassuring.”

You’re surprised she finds it comforting. You’re happy to fade into the background; Rose likes to be noticed. You’d never realized it frightened her too. “What a pair we make,” you say.

“Between us, we add up to one functional person.”

You pull open the car door for her with a flourish. “I'd be generous and say at least 1.5.”

A few of the humans have been working to get their licenses so Jane’s father doesn’t have to drive them everywhere. Rose only has a permit, but that doesn’t stop her from using the car. Seer powers let her know if there’s likely to be trouble, but otherwise she drives like she’s got a grudge against the pavement. She peels out of the parking spot and then slams on the brakes. You hug a carton of eggs to your chest so they don’t splatter against the windshield. “What is it?”

”We have cold bags for everything, right?”

”Yes.” It was overkill for a short trip, but you prefer to be prepared.

She pulls into the store’s partner gas station while you wave apologetically at the elderly woman she just cut off. “This is a date. We’re going to get coffee.”

The coffee machine is broken, so you both get 99 cent slushies and sit on the curb next to the free air pump. The parking spot is empty save for a mulch of cigarette butts and ripped up Lotto tickets. Rose slurps some of her concoction out of a straw. It’s a murky mess, and you spotted her squirting a few shots of energy drink in for good measure. You spent several minutes painstakingly creating a rainbow pattern and are now trying to drink evenly to keep the layers intact. A bag of chips slumps half-empty between you. They’ll complain about that back home, but it’s their fault for not coming along to supervise.

Rose sucks on her straw with a noise like a drain unclogging. “How’s this for romance and adventure?”

“I could do it again,” you say. And you could. The encounter with the cashier still leaves you shaken, but the haze has peeled off the world. It’s funny how after everything you’ve been through, something as simple like this can be energizing. There are groceries in the car that need to get back and a household worth of responsibilities to keep up with, but right now it could just be the two of you setting off on some new adventure. Rose has always made you feel that way. Light players make the world narrow around them, drawing in attention, compressing possibility. They’re a lantern you bump against, entranced. With Rose, you’ve found one that doesn’t burn.

”Well shit, these were ninety-nine cents.” She smirks in the way that means you’ve missed a joke. “I think our budget can afford it.”

”Thank you for dragging me out here.” Lurking in your room seems silly now. “It helps, borrowing your confidence.”

”It’s a show,” she says. “I don’t know how you manage to seem so centered all the time.”

”Amateur theatrics,” you say. “One functional person, here we are.” She raises her drink in a toast, and you knock them together. ”I mean it, though,” you continue. “It’s nice, the way you turn things into adventures. Even if it’s a shopping trip, I don’t know where we’re going to end up. It’s unpredictable, but I like it. I like spending time with you.”

She smiles and looks away. Whenever you’ve successfully induced emotions, she never wants to look you in the eye. “That slushy must have made an impression.”

”It was good.” You flick the straw, sending drops of condensation scattering across the asphalt. “We didn’t have anything like this at home, at least not where I grew up. That might explain part of the rapturous response. But mostly I think it’s because I love you.”

Rose stills. That might be a bad sign, but you’ve gotten yourself into this situation, so you might as well keep going. “I’m not trying to corner you,” you say, looking down at your knees. “I know you have difficulty expressing some things. But I wanted to express that. Right now.”

When you sneak a look over, her shoulders are shaking. The ice from your drink solidifies in your stomach until you realize she’s laughing.

”Do you know how long I’ve been agonizing over this?” she asks.

”I knew why,” you begin. “Your mother…” That’s not a complete sentence, but it doesn’t have to be. Sometimes you want to ask John to transport you into Rose’s past so you can grab the woman by her shoulders and shake her. “How could you be so careless?” you want to demand. “Didn’t you realize what you were doing?” You are all the results of what has been done to you, combined with your attempts to overcome it. Even with your universes gone, their impressions remain as indelible parts of you. You wouldn’t want Rose to be anything other than who she is, but that doesn’t stop you from wishing she could have gotten something better growing up.

“That was what started it.” Rose takes a gulp of her drink. The humor drains from her voice. Now she’ll look you in the eye. “She’d vanish into her laboratory or a drunken stupor and leave me to fend for myself. The first time I tried cooking spaghetti I set off the fire alarm. I couldn’t get it to stop until I climbed up on a chair and took the batteries out. She slept through the whole thing. So when she turned up with a new present, how could I believe it was sincere? And even if it was, it didn’t make up for anything. If all you can give is the trappings of love, like you’ve bought out a Valentines’ clearance sale but can’t be damned to raise your own child, it doesn’t count.” She sloshes the remains of her drink around with one hand and watches it like she’s reading tea leaves. “So I guess I distrusted all of it. The glitz, the performance, anything. Even the words. Because if you do it right, they should know. But… in the past I’ve been guilty of overcorrecting.”

“Really?” You try to keep your tone teasing. Anything else might alarm her.

She elbows you in the ribs, but not hard. “Sometimes I’ve turned the wheel a bit and drifted over the dividing line between reasonable responses and terrible decisions by a few millimeters.”

“I think a driving instructor might say you sailed over the median, engaged with oncoming traffic, and left the highway entirely for parts unknown. What?” you add. “I’ve read the manual you’re all practicing from.”

“Five dollars says you pass the test before I do. After the timeline John made unhappen, I realized I’d never told you. For all the wrong, stupid reasons. I shouldn’t have let any of that stop me. I would’ve died with that as one of my greatest regrets. So I wanted it to be perfect, since I made you wait so long.” She covers her mouth with one hand and smiles through her fingers. “God, you should see my search history. I watched promposal videos, although I wiped all that data and I’ll deny it if you tell anyone. And here we are –” she pauses and shakes her head - “in a gas station parking lot. But you know what? I think it fits.” She slings an arm around your shoulders and plants a sticky kiss on your cheek. “I love you. Let’s make it count.”

This is what you have learned from dating Rose Lalonde. Expect your lives to accumulate the clutter of experiences together – receipts and stolen shirts and empty packages still streaked with frosting. Expect to make missteps, because the two of you are walking an uncharted path one step after another. Sometimes you fall, fight your demons, and climb back up again. You are all doing this for the first time.

Expect her to say she loves you in unexpected ways. A new package of lip gloss left on your pillow. A flower pressed between the pages of a heavy book to make it delicate and perfect. Occasionally, the words.

Make it count.

[weednvapes]

G Pen Elite Vaporizer

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[callumreyesfutureworksyear3]

This is the first mood board I have done regarding research into the themes that I wish to take inspiration from. I wanted to source images from a variety media; movies, art, etc. I tried to get images featuring different aspects of environments, locals and colour choice.

Image Breakdown

One key thing I like to do when I generate mood boards is to breakdown the images and identify what components stand out to me. This helps me to better understand key aspects of a visual style and why it appeals to me.

Image:

1. I highlighted a few things in this image that drew my attention and appealed to me. One part was the headphones hanging from the ceiling above the seats. What I liked about this was that the image is taken from Alien: Covenant within a spaceship. Why is this significant to me? Its because although this version of humanity has progressed to the point of space travel and extremely advanced AI, there are still remnants of technology that we are used to seeing today. This plays into the appeal I have with retro-futurism. 

Another thing I highlighted was the Hula doll on the control station. Although this doesn’t have anything to do with the visual style, it is the simple addition of character that makes the scene more life-like and makes the scene more believable in a subtle way. This type of thing is something I will be adding to my scene for certain. 

The next things I highlighted were more to do with the structure of the scene. I really liked the mechanical and industrial appearance of the scene with the inclusion of hydraulics and/or suspensions systems. The materials featured also cement this industrial theme. 

The final things I highlighted in this image was the touch-pad located by the door and also the control panel. What I liked about the touch-pad near the door is that it is a blend of technology with the industrial structure, an interesting visual motif. The reason why I highlighted the control panel was in one part because of the interesting use of lighting but mostly it was because of the use of dials and buttons. For me this is another example of a type of retro-futuristic design, although this version of humanity can travel far into space they are still using technology we use today, it is an indication of how it is easy for designers to become accustomed to technology we use today and not question or imagine whether we will still be using this technology in a century from now. This is not to say it a bad design, on the contrary I find this type of design very interesting.

2. This image was smaller with less features but a couple aspects did stand out to me. The main component of the image that caught my attention was the use of buttons, dials and small LED digital displays. I have already mentioned why I find this visual choice interesting and it remains true here. The digital displays are appealing to me as they are reminiscent of digital alarm clocks from decades past. Due to my liking of retro-futurism and the way designers have blended old technology with civilisations, civilisations that are many years more advanced than us in certain aspects, these small displays catch my eye. Additionally I like the variety of switches the artist used in the control panel. Although I have no idea what the individual buttons and switches do, I can tell from their appearance that they control multiple different functions.

This image also highlighted to me how much I liked the lighting of the control module in the first image.

3. The third image is much more busier than the previous image I looked at and there is a selection of things I found interesting. The first thing that really caught my eye was the bus section. I find the artists use of the classic British red bus with the track system really interesting and eye-catching. It is,again, because of the mix of old technology within a somewhat futuristic scene I believe. The fact that this running theme that keeps drawing my attention is telling me that I should put big consideration into how I can incorporate this style in my scene. 

Along with this I also highlighted other parts that I liked. One part was the use of pipes along the side of the building. Although this isn’t something mind blowing I just liked the way it broke up the building and it communicated to me a thought that the area was somewhere a bit run down or not as potentially high-end as other parts of this fictional city. On a similar note to the Hula doll in the first image the pipes add a bit of character to the scene not in the same way as the Hula doll but with a similar effect.

In the image as a whole I like the architectural design of the buildings and their features and the locations of said features. Also the inclusion of the phone/power lines makes the scene more believable and communicates subconsciously that this environment is alive. 

4. Although this image doesnt neccessarily depict a futuristic setting there were a few features that caught my attention. The main part of the image that I found visually intriguing was the set of displays stacked asymetrically on top of one another. Although the design of the displays isnt really what im looking for, it doesn’t match my intended visual theme, I do like the way they are positioned. For me the way the displays are arranged adds a lot of character to the scene and makes my mind wonder as to the backstory of the scene. This specific part of the image is going to stick with me I feel, especially when designing and thinking of composition within my environment.

I also highlighted the windows in the image as I thought the small pieces of glass arranged in a formation akin to bricks was an interesting concept.

5. I found the whole of this image interesting in terms of its arrangement and visual style. However the visual style is not something I want to mimic. I can appreciate how each component of the scene looks like it belongs there, nothing in this image looks out of place. Although I don’t want to emulate this visual style I do however want the assets in my scene to match the overall theme and not look out of place, just like the components of this assets.

I highlighted two specific parts of the image that I would say drew my eye first. I highlighted the bed as I think it is an interesting design and a design that matches the scenes theme well. The second part I highlighted because I liked the layout of the components on the face of the object. Although by no means jaw dropping or of much significance, I did find myself inspired when thinking of ideas regarding radios and computers in a retro-futuristic style.

6. I included this image because I love the visual style and appearance of this digital bilboard. The limitations of the technology generating it add a lot of character and aesthetic that I really enjoy.

7. This image I found interesting as it depicted a scene within a car with a futuristic setting. The main things within the image that caught my attention were the displays. I particularly like the design of the upper orange display, its position and contents are well thought out. 

Additionally with this scene, I found the mix of digital displays at the front of the car and what looks like a taxi charge meter a nice contrast. This makes me imagine that this society has advanced technology but the basic functions and requirements of specific actions, like being charged a taxi fare, require the old but effective technologies we are used to in real life. 

8. This image featured a variety of things that I found quite interesting and inspiring. Firstly I find the design of the displays to be well done and thought out. The display aren’t so technologically advanced that they look too far-fetched but they do look realistically advanced when judging by our current technological predictions, whilst also maintaining an interesting visual design. You can have an educated guess as to how the displays work thanks to the way they are designed by the artist, something I also want to keep in mind when designing and creating my assets.

I also highlighted the wires coming from the highest display. I did this because it made the scene look a bit more functional and that this scene is actually a real place and all the various components in the scene all work and have functions. These little details make the scene feel more realistic.

The first part of the image that stood out to me was the floor. I like the way the viewer is able to see below the floor in some areas, revealing hints as to how the the scenes structure works. The lighting was nice and it simply looks visually interesting to me.

9. I like the overall scene in this image, there is a lot of detail and character present. The main things that stood out to me however were the neon signs. Although the scene is dark and grimey, the neon signs don’t look out of place. Neon/ emmisive lights are definitely something I will be including in my environment, just not in the same way that they are used in this image. 

10. What drew to this image was the colour scheme mainly. The colour palette selection is something very similar to the palette I intend on using. The bright pink and blues is a classic colour combination of synthwave inspired designs and definitely something that works well together in this visual theme.