#don't eat random mushrooms in the woods

[mamamittens]

The Only Choice +18

Spooktober Day 2!

Fandom: One Piece (Highschool AU)

Ship: Yandere!Ace X Petite!F!Reader (Ace is 19 and Reader is 18)

Warnings: Yandere behavior, possessive behavior, murder, Law does not survive, incredibly dubious consent/borderline noncon, coercion, manipulation, groping, kitchen sex, foreplay, nipple/breast play, oral sex (female receiving), aggressive sex, sex as a tool for manipulation, and creampie.

All the red flags here, I stg keep this in mind before reading.

Word Count: 5,231

To say Ace’s childhood growing up was rough would be… an understatement. While not exactly a feral child, the way he was openly encouraged to explore the mountain range to his heart’s content from a young age did jack shit to his social skills. Instead of learning how to share his blocks and manage his temper, he learned more… useful things. How to move silently at night among predators. How to stalk and hunt prey animals—and later the predators he emulated so well. Ace learned all sorts of important lessons in the heart of the forest.

Then Sabo came along and taught him the things he missed out on. How to hold a proper conversation—that eye contact wasn’t a sign of aggression. Basic social etiquette and behavior—he should not bludgeon competitors to death with a club in broad daylight. What personal space even was—snapping his teeth may be an effective way to clear up space but was undeniably rude. Still, he was incredibly rough around the edges. Really, it was Luffy that taught him how to behave like a more balanced young man, ironically enough.

Wrangling the embodiment of chaos sure does some things to an ingrained pattern of aggressive behavior. And Luffy was quite durable and forgiving for his screw ups, unlike Sabo who gave as good as he got. A perfect little pipeline for a terror of a mountain child to eventually be given to a chaotic family that taught him to embrace but control his wild urges. Whitebeard was indulgent of his behavior—but only to a point. And he was absolutely capable of bringing him back in line when needed.

So, eventually, Ace was ready to enter the school system without being a flight, fight, or tiny terrorist risk. Sure, he was held back a year, but to be fair… no one remembered to teach him how to read in all that socialization. But he worked hard and got back on track. And he would have probably half assed everything right up till graduation if it hadn’t of been for one thing.

His precious little sweetheart. You.

Having transferred in a bit late during their shared first year of high school, Ace had always been aware of her. How could he not? A sweet little thing in a sea of sweaty, hormonal teens. It took a lot of work, but over the course of three years, Ace steadily made his way into the highly prized position of being her best friend. Anyone that wanted to get near her went through him first. Overhyped football players, weak little twig boys, and unredeemable perverts alike.

And he did an excellent job of keeping the filth of the school far away from his sweetheart right up until he had to leave for a few weeks on vacation. Gramps lost several boxes of rice crackers to the ocean under mysterious circumstances for that, even if he did enjoy spending time with his brothers in peace. But look what happens when he leaves her alone! Gone for a month and some fancy fucking prick moves in on her!

What. The. Fuck.

He never wanted to hear a crack about his cowboy hat after seeing the spotted monstrosity Trafalgar D. Water Law wore. And he had the fucking audacity to put his hands on you? To think he was good enough to even hold hands in the hall—mother fucker didn’t even bother to look happy about it! Law just kept wearing that same smug look the whole time like Ace couldn’t see jack shit!

It wasn’t like he’d never seen Law before now. They had crossed paths in the hallways. Shared projects in English class on occasion. And Ace knew Law had a few science projects with you as well over the years. But Law had always kept his nose in his books unless he was required to or walking that massive white dog. Bepo, he thought. Although, is that really all Law had done?

Ace was your best friend. You wouldn’t suddenly date someone without telling him first! Not… not unless you were coerced. He could see it now. You, sweet precious thing that you were, taken advantage of. Lead astray to keep secrets like Ace wasn’t working tirelessly to keep you safe. With a sneer, Ace supposed that in such a scenario, it wasn’t entirely impossible Law nursed a crush in your delicate heart. Encouraging you to think of him romantically. Law wasn’t the most hideous man at their school.

And with Ace gone for a whole month well… a lot of things can happen over a month. He’d need to correct this situation as soon as possible. But first, he needed to know exactly what happened while he was gone. And if this had been brewing for longer than he expected. The punishment had to fit the crime, naturally.

He wasn’t a feral mountain child anymore, after all. Mostly.

Giving you his best smile, he slid over to your other side and beamed.

“Well, well, well. When did this happen? You didn’t tell me you were all grown up now!” Ace teased, ruffling your hair and ignoring your protests. You were smiling and laughing, which was all the go-ahead Ace needed. Law however, was still a smug bastard as he held your other hand, chaining you to his side. Like he had any right!

“Ace! Stop that!” You scoffed, smacking his arm lightly, “And uhm… we… we thought it would be nice to try it out, you know? Just to see where it goes.”

Ace felt his muscles tense with rage but maintained his pleasant expression. This fucker just wanted to string you along! And for what?! How long?! Until he’s taken everything you have that belongs to him—

“Ooo~, what little love birds you two are. Try not to make me gag too much, ‘kay sweetheart?” Ace winked, ruffling your hair again strutting to his class. Unfortunately, he didn’t share any class periods with you this semester. Something he was unable to rectify in time without looking suspicious. Still, it did provide him the space he would sorely need to plan how to get rid of this new pest.

He'd hate to let down Oyaji by allowing a little problem like this to bite him in the ass later. In the meantime,… he’d play nice.

Tigers never found success without stalking their kills first after all.

Still, it was hard for Ace. Watching you fall for Law’s tricks hook, line, and sinker. You both sat together at lunch every day, held hands whenever possible, went on dates when time allowed. And Ace grew to resent Law more with every passing hour. That damn smug look a permanent expression regardless of how cute you acted, hanging off Law’s arm. Ace should have given you the talk long ago and avoided this whole mess to start with. But really… deep down, Ace was a romantic at heart.

And what was more romantic than planning the perfect way to get rid of your soon-to-be-ex so he could sweep you off your feet properly?

As it turns out, it was actually not that hard to plan Law’s death. See, he was actually quite sickly as a child. Some sort of poisoned water situation in his hometown. Eventually he got better, but his internal organs were severely damaged in the process. Not enough to replace them entirely, but enough to require a careful diet for several years. Like, for example, his kidneys.

Honestly, Ace could almost feel bad about the whole thing. Law waxed on about his dream to become a doctor in the hopes of preventing his childhood disaster on several occasions. He was probably smart enough to do a lot of good for the world. If he had kept his fucking hands to himself first that is.

Who knew a few milligrams of mushroom concentrate could cause a total renal failure within hours? And who would have guessed the stoic Trafalgar Law would choose to keep quiet about his little ‘stomach bug’ as his guardians left town for the weekend?

Ace chuckled to himself as he crept away from the house, leaving no trail to follow. The fact that Ace had wrapped Law in a blanket with a gag in place to make sure of it was simply a happy accident. He wanted to tie Law to a chair but the bruises would look suspicious. And arranging a camping trip ‘just for the boys’ was too obvious, even if he fed Law to the mountain lions.

No, Ace was actually running errands for Oyaji all night! Several people can attest to that fact if questioned.

Which no one did.

Because poor Law, honor student and future doctor, passed quietly in his sleep after taking more pain medication for his sudden illness. An illness that proved fatal and swift. What was there to question with those facts in mind?

The toll this took on you, of course, was incredible. You were inconsolable for days, your tender heart shattered from the sudden death of your boyfriend. As much as Ace hated to see you cry—especially over that bastard—it was necessary. Like… removing an invasive species for the betterment of all. But Ace was there every minute he could be. Oyaji was very understanding as well, allowing Ace to stay at your house for as long as needed.

He was also quite proud of how Ace handled the situation on his own, but that little detail was simply icing on the top!

For the most part, consoling you involved watching old movies with your head tucked under his chin. Encouraged by Ace conveniently turning the air down slightly past your normal tolerance. Thinning frame cuddled in a blanket fort at his side as he encouraged you to cry it all out and eat something. Anything. The outside world didn’t exist as far as you were concerned. And while Ace definitely appreciated catching up on personal time with you… your health was something else entirely. This whole ‘mourning’ thing was taking too long. Especially for someone that didn’t deserve to be with you to begin with.

Thankfully, Ace had better tact than to say that… maybe he should have staged an elopement to make this easier for you? Too late now, really. A thought for the future perhaps. Not that there would ever be a chance he lets this happen twice. But how to ensure it? How does he help you move on from Law faster?

The answer came with a crockpot that Thatch provided—wonderful big brother that he was, honestly where would he be without his family or you? The crockpot held a hearty soup, perfect for broken hearts. The trick was getting you to eat. The little bites of crackers or ice cream you held down never lasted before a crying fit tossed them back up. If he didn’t know any better, he’d think Law had also poisoned you literally. But he couldn’t hurt you anymore. Not with Ace here to keep a careful eye on your fragile, loving heart.

Ace pondered the dilemma as he waited for the crockpot to heat up. The house empty as your parents were at work and the two of you excused on ‘bereavement’. Well, you were excused. Ace simply had Oyaji excuse him for the time being to support you with the promise that as soon as you were more stable the both of you would have study sessions with Marco to catch up. There wasn’t any sense in letting tragedy derail your education, now was there? Law had done enough damage as it was.

A sniffle in the doorway alerted Ace to your presence as you shuffled into the kitchen. A duvet draped over your shoulders as you gave a weepy smile.

“Smells good… I’m sorry you have to see me like this, Ace.” You sniffled again, “I-I promise I won’t be a crybaby forever.” Ace rushed over, throwing his arms around your covered shoulders and rubbing your back.

“No, no, sweetheart! It’s okay! I’m not going anywhere. That’s my promise.” Ace consoled despite the sneer he hid in your hair, “Law meant a lot to you. It’s perfectly normal to be upset.” Slowly, he walked backwards until he was next to the counter and picked you up. Gently, he set you down on the counter and braced himself to lean over you, kissing your forehead softly.

“Thank you, Ace.” You whispered, moving to rub your eyes but he beat you to it. Gently wiping away your tears with a soft smile as you shivered. Ace frowned in concern and you shook your head. “Just cold. I… haven’t eaten a lot lately. I-I’m so tired, Ace. But I can’t sleep. I keep seeing Law… I wish I could forget. Just… just for a little while.”

Suddenly, Ace had an idea. A wonderful, brilliant idea.

“I hate seeing you like this too… Could… Could I try something?” Ace asked in his softest voice, “I’ll stop if you want me to but nothing else has worked so I thought…” You frowned, cute face scrunched up in confusion.

“Try what, Ace?” Slowly, deliberately, Ace cradled your face in his hands. Warm palms pressing against your cold cheeks. Not wanting to fuck up this soon, he kissed your forehead. Then your nose. Slow, lingering touches against your skin as you made a confused sound at the back of your throat. “W-What are you doing, Ace?”

“Warming you up… giving you something else to think about.” Ace brushed his hands back, threading his fingers through your hair with a deceptively light pressure to keep you still. “Just focus on me, baby. Nothing else matters. Let me help you forget… just for a little while.” Ace tested the waters by pressing a kiss to the corner of your lips. You didn’t move away from him, seemingly frozen in surprise.

He could feel you physically wavering, wanting to pull away out of a misplaced sense of loyalty to a dead man and lean into the creature comfort Ace readily offered. Ace held perfectly still for a long moment before pulling away. Just a little.

And you followed the motion, sliding your lips to press firmly against his own. Ace felt like screaming in victory—but the fight wasn’t over yet. He needed to wipe Law from your mind completely.

Ace sighed, just a little dramatically like he was relieved you didn’t slap him. Pulling open his lips to encourage you to do the same, tongue running across the narrow gap as you gasped. Chasing the sharp inhale eagerly. He slipped his tongue over yours and you pulled away suddenly with a sharp hiccup and tears.

“I-I can’t!” You shook your head, pressing your hands over your mouth as you sobbed. Desperately, Ace soothed his hands over your shoulders.

“Hey—hey, it’s alright. Everything is alright! You haven’t done anything wrong, baby.” Ace pulled you closer to him, ignoring how you tried to jerk away, “I’m sorry… I just hate to see you cry. I want to make you happy again—but I failed—I-I should… I should just leave.” Ace pulled away suddenly and started to turn around.

A cold, desperate hand grabbed his wrist and Ace smirked. You were too sweet for your own good.

“No! A-Ace, please don’t leave me too. I-I just feel so… so alone and cold. I-I don’t know how to make it stop!” You cried out.

Ace slowly turned around with a soft and understanding expression.

“I know, baby. I know.” Ace carefully stepped closer to you, like he was ready to pull away at any moment. “Trust your best friend to make it all better?” Ace leaned in close and whispered into your ear.

With a light sniffle, you nodded, wrapping your arms around his shoulders with a shiver. Thankfully Ace was here to make everything better again.

“J-Just don’t leave me.” You asked of him.

Like he ever intended to, to begin with.

“Never.” Ace swore, pressing slow kisses across your jaw, “Just… trust the process, baby. Trust me to make it better.” Ace reassured you.

“…Okay. I trust you.” You whispered, the words vibrating on his lips delightfully. Giddy, Ace started back where he left off. Your soft lips were just begging to be tasted properly. Gently, Ace titled your chin up and slipped his tongue back in again. Flicking playfully across your own. Slowly overwhelming you with his presence as your head lifted up for more with every pass. Soft pants slipping between your lips at his sufferance.

Ace kissed you deep, refusing to part from your lips until you were dizzy and gasping for air. Your eyes a slim ring of color around the pupils, lips puffy from his abuse. You were as responsive as he thought you’d be to his advances. Even with that… unfortunate distraction, it was clear you were meant to be his. Completely. And if he wanted to prove it, he’d need to get to work.

Softly, Ace caressed your skin, pushing back the blanket still curled around your body. Stroking up your arms and shoulders as he kept kissing you breathless. Slowly, like he had imagined hundreds of times before, Ace slipped his hands under your shirt. Grip firm as he made his wild fantasies a reality, one inch of your skin at a time. You jolted in surprise, a small noise of protest forming.

The sound muffled under his tongue as he moaned loudly, his vocal appreciation flustering you as he slipped even further under your clothes. Palming your breasts blindly, fingertips brushing over your nipples as a shy groan squeaked out. Ace pulled back, toying with the stiff peaks as a sly grin overtook his features.

“You’ve been so cold baby… are you feeling warmer yet?” Ace asked softly against your lips. Flustered, you nodded. A quick pinch forcing you to use your words.

“Y-Yes!” Pecking your cheek, Ace slowly pulled up your shirt and bra.

“See? We’re just getting started and I’m already making you feel better.” Ace cooed, encouraging you to lift up your arms so he could toss away the clothes. “Go ahead. Kiss me. Don’t be afraid.” Ace gently pulled your arms to his shoulders and returned to teasing your breasts.

Face noticeably warm, you were breathless as you leaned forward clumsily and pressed a damp kiss to his neck. Ace groaned in surprise, squeezing your breasts slightly as he struggled to control himself. His cock was straining in his pants and Ace was surprised he didn’t cum from that shy kiss alone. Fuck, he’d been wanting this for years now. And now?

He was so close he could taste it.

But he had to let you indulge first. Allow you to explore his body like he desperately wanted to explore yours. Carefully, Ace let one hand slide down over your stomach, teasing the waistband of your sweatpants as he pinched and pulled on one of your breasts. You moaned, mouth open as you kissed the underside of his chin. Humming eagerly, Ace slipped his hand in, enjoying the sharp gasp in surprise as your nails dug into his shoulders.

“A-Ace! W-W-Waa—hah-o-oh~!” Ace cut you off, his middle finger hooking in low to drag up your clit. The slight dampness wasn’t much, but it would do for now. Dipping his fingers deeper, Ace scooped up the growing liquid that pooled against your underwear and ruthlessly used it against you. Slipping between your folds in unpredictable patterns of fast and slow. Hard and gentle. Until you moaned, hips grinding down on his hand.

You were leaning on him almost entirely now, mouth agape as you panted, occasionally gathering enough of your wits to kiss his neck and chest. Leaning down to your ear, Ace whispered praises.

“You’re so beautiful for me.”

“That’s it. Make that pretty sound again, sweetheart.”

“Mmm… so wet.”

“Am I making you feel good?”

“I always keep my promises.”

“Focus on me. Who’s making you feel like this?”

“Go on. Cream for me. I want to feel you.”

You were crying. Good tears this time as Ace crooked three fingers into your wet pussy. Rocking you against his hand with his body, a mockery of how hard he wanted to fuck you. And you responded beautifully. Bashfully hiding your face even as your pitiful noises echoed in the kitchen. You were so small like this, curled up against him.

Ace wondered if he could convince you to a quickie in one of the school closets, the tight space would do wonders for seeing how creative he could get… but the prospect of anyone else hearing your moans killed the idea instantly. Only he would get to see you like this. Flushed and crying out for his hand. Unknowing how hard he was for you. Your heart beating against his palm as he continued groping your breasts with one hand.

“Ace!”

Suddenly, you keened, body freezing as your cunt squeezed his fingers hard. Trying to push him out. He chuckled softly, forcing them deeper into the soft, wet space. Fucking your cunt a little harder to pull out every last moan he could as you started to shake. As you came down from your high, Ace kissed you, stealing those precious sounds from your lips.

He wasn’t done quite yet.

“So beautiful. You did so well… but you could be even better.” Ace pulled his hand free and licked it clean. You tasted somewhat sweet and heady. The taste going straight to his cock as he moaned, much to your embarrassment. “Look at this mess, baby. How can I leave you so wet?” Ace reached down and tugged at your waistband meaningfully.

Your eyes widened as you started to realize what he was implying. You shook your head.

“I-Isn’t that… I-I think this is good enough.” Ace smiled down at you indulgently, hands dipping under your waistband but sliding to your ass instead.

“But I want to make you feel even better. Let me take care of you.” Ace licked his tongue up your neck to your ear, nipping the tip. “I want to put my face between your thighs… lick that cute little clit. Press my tongue between your lips. It must be so wet and messy down there. I want to drink it all up. Let me in, baby. Don’t you trust me?” Ace enticed you, voice a low moan as his hands dipped lower.

You lifted your hips with a moan of your own, allowing Ace to pull your sweatpants down. Leaving you bare on the counter.

Ace, no fool, wasted no time shoving his tongue into your mouth in gratitude. Hands now free to spread your thighs. After moaning, low and deep into the kiss, Ace pulled his head back. Immediately placing one of your breasts into his mouth. Mimicking the motions he was going to make shortly. Flicking your nipple with his tongue and pressing the muscle up and down the supply underside. The sounds you made in shock were divine. You gripped his hair desperately, crying out and panting. Reluctantly, he allowed your soft tit to fall free of his lips.

Slowly losing control, Ace made good on his promise immediately.

Sealing his lips over your exposed cunt and shoving his tongue into your body. Sliding against your walls, eager to taste every inch. Anything you said went right over his head in favor of the twitching heat that surrounded his tongue. Ace was more turned on than ever before at the flood of sweet cream as he fucked you. Occasionally, he nudged his nose up to press against your clit, never failing to inspire a sharp moan from you.

“A-Ah! Ah! H-Hah—ohohoh—A-Ace—ngh! Please! I-I nnnn-ne-HaHn~!” You stuttered and moaned brokenly. Ace’s cock leaking precum as he forced your knees further apart against the force of your twitching thighs.

You yanked his hair suddenly with a scream hard enough to remove him. Ace only had time to glimpse your swollen cunt dripping fresh cum before he snarled and dove back in. Hands moving to grip your ass, knees over his shoulder, as he lifted you up to pin you to his face a few inches above the counter.

You screamed, cunt throbbing hard as you gripped his head, curling over him. He almost choked on the amount of liquid flooding his face, but he noisily sucked it up. Punishing you for pulling away by nipping your clit and triggering a weak splash against his chin. Unable to pull free, you moaned and twitched as he ate to his hearts content. Cock now almost burning against his pants, aching to be deep in your pussy instead of his tongue.

Reluctantly, he set you back down, pulling away just enough to shove his pants down. Cock bobbing free. You jerked back and Ace tutted, gripping your chin to look at him.

“Am I not good enough for you, baby? Can you feel how hard I am? I’m fucking aching for relief, I’ve wanted you for so long…” Ace kissed you, rubbing his tongue still thick with the taste of your own cum around your mouth. Forcing you to taste what had driven him over the edge. “I worked so hard to make your cute little cunt cream for me. To warm you up again. I-I want to feel you around me, baby. Let me have this. Please.” Ace begged softly, grinding his heavy cock into the slick mess between your thighs.

Your eyes were teary as you looked away, still rattled by your orgasm.

Slowly, Ace pressed his hips forward, letting you feel how his cock spread your pussy open. You inhaled sharply and shook your head.

“T-Too much! T-This is too mu—Ah~!” Ace thrust in, hips slapping into your thighs. Ace moaned into your lips loudly.

“O-Oh, I-I’m so sorry baby. Here—oh fuck you’re so soft and tight around me I w-w-want to just ngh!—L-Let me pull out—” Ace slowly dragged his thick cock from the vice grip your cunt had around him. The sudden empty sensation made you dig your nails into his skin and he purposefully slammed back into place. A shrill moan slipped from your lips as he moaned into your open mouth. Ace didn’t need to play up how incredibly turned on he was, gently resting his head on your shoulder and pressing soft kisses onto your skin. “Fuck! Sorry—I-I’m sorry baby—you startled me! T-This time I-I’ll leave you.”

Ace pulled back as reluctantly as he could but his cock didn’t even make it half way before you panicked.

“No! A-Ace—Oh Ace I-I ca-can’t—Y-You pr-prom-promised--!” Ace snapped his hips into your body again.

“Y-You mean it, baby? I-I can fuck you?” Ace whispered in that sad, pathetic voice that always made you tear up.

“Y-Yes! Yes! Ye—AH—OH F-FUCK AHN—Ace I-I-I ooohhhh~hng—ah!” You agreed and Ace wasted no time drilling into you. Slamming his cock into your body fast. Driving all thoughts from the both of you besides how thick his dick was in your cunt and how fast you were already squeezing him.

Just like before, your body was too weak to force him out even as you came. His hips overpowering you to keep fucking you harder and harder. Ace eagerly let every filthy moan and perverse thought spill from him as he worked towards his goal.

“Yes! Y-Your finally mine!”

“I’m going to fuck you so much.”

“Squeeze my cock, baby. I’m so close.”

“I almost came on your tits, you were so fucking beautiful screaming for me.”

“Do it again. Scream for me.”

“Is my thick cock driving you mad? Good.”

“I’m going to cum right here.”

“Remember how good I make you feel.”

“Only for me, baby. That’s right. For me.” Ace felt the electricity shoot up his spine like a live wire as his balls tingled. Every thrust accompanied by a lewd, wet sound from how hard he was slamming into your wet cunt. Nail marks burned along his back as you screamed for him, pussy pulsing around him.

Finally, with a hard thrust, he came as deep into your cunt as he could. The world faded out as his thick cum shot out in hot spurts. He could only faintly hear you crying against his shoulder as his hips made aborted thrusts to fuck his cock deeper. Shakily, Ace rubbed your back, panting into your skin.

It was only after he felt his cock soften that he registered you were crying. Leaning back but not removing himself from the warmth of your dripping cunt, Ace looked at your face.

“Baby, what’s wrong?” Ace cradled your face gently, pressing kisses to your cheeks. “Let me make it better.”

“I-I-I… How could I?” You whimpered, shaking your head, “I-I betrayed him!”

Ace frowned, pussy-drunk mind slow to process. When it did, he nearly snarled. Almost threw you to the ground to fuck those stupid thoughts from your sweet, impressionable head.

“No! Baby, no you didn’t!” Ace whispered, kissing your lips softly as he made gentle thrusts to hopefully distract you. “He’d want you to be happy. He cared about you so much… and you’ve been so upset. You’ve lost so much weight. You can barely sleep. You haven’t done anything wrong. Put those nasty thoughts out of your head.” Ace slowly started fucking you again.

You moaned, conflicted but still not thinking straight.

“I-I shouldn’t be… It’s so wrong. O-Oh~A-Ace!” You moaned as you felt his cock begin to harden inside you, “I-I’m taking advantage of you—you’re my best friend!”

Ace chuckled, kissing you into silence.

“If this is taking advantage of me, you’re welcome to keep doing it.” Ace groaned, “I’ve always loved you, baby… I just want to see you happy again. Please…”

Ace’s thrusts sped up, disrupting your sobs with moans as the mix of cum dripped down both your thighs. Ace leaned forward, forcing you back and reaching a new angle that had you weak instantly, head slamming into the cabinet. Forcefully fucking you harder against the counter, Ace smiled. Ace grabbed your thighs and lifted you up, walking over to the kitchen table.

Ace shoved you flat onto the table, lifting your hips up to directly fuck into your body. Your tears of misplaced guilt were quickly replaced by pleasure as Ace drilled into you.

He had wanted to play nice and gentle. Let you slowly forget about Law.

But it seems like he needed to take a more firm approach.

“…Trust me.”

Starting with your inability to sleep.

Fucking you hard until you passed out on his cock seemed like a wonderful start on the road to recovering from your useless ex. One day you’d forget his name entirely. Ace was going to make sure of it.

[vixlenxe]

@starlitwishes said: Wrenn just, sliiiides a plate of steak and mushrooms over. His eyes are so big. Do you Dare eat it?

... Ah...

Thanks, but no thanks.

If there's two of them flying around with a case of the zoomies, they might create a tornado.

[iliveforyouilongforyouvesuvia]

Could I get an Hc for how the M6 would react to an Mc that finds out they used to eat a lot of weird creatures and monsters.

I may be obsessed with delicious in dungeon, but like maybe Mc got to try dragon meat and realized that despite it being an 'exotic' food, it tastes familiar. Only gets more surprised. The more weirder foods they end up trying that rnd up tasting familiar.

The Arcana HCs: M6 when MC eats monsters

Julian

From a scholarly point of view, he's actually quite interested in learning more and documenting your finds as medical research

Who knows what medicinal properties these creatures might contain that have gone previously ignored? You could find some miraculous cure or random medicine if you keep snacking your way through the monstrous ecosystem!

Then again, he'd be lying if he said that practice was just as easy as theory. He's pretty well traveled himself, but some of the things you seem so eager to dig into are just ... so ... off-putting

He'll push through with most things but he will draw the line at anything resembling a plague beetle. He was force-fed one of those once and he never wants to experience that again

(he'd never try to keep you from making your own decisions, but to say that watching you eat things resembling plague beetles doesn't turn his stomach and make him anxious would be a lie)

Still one of the best researchers you could have helping you

He's got the background to understand physical nutrients and the importance of a diverse diet - and he's plenty dedicated to you

Asra

They are even more enthusiastic than you are

Sometimes you wish you knew what his limits were, because if things keep going at the rate that they are you might find out that he doesn't even have any

Faust is not helping either - she can and will help distract you if you've finally come across something you're hesitant to try so Asra can sneak a mouthful without being caught

On the plus side, they've tried so many different cuisines already that they have plenty of ideas when it comes to figuring out how to cook something new - and spice combinations you wouldn't dare dream of on your own

He also happens to have plenty of tried-and-true remedies for food poisoning as well (wonder why he learned all of those ...) and is more than happy to share with you if things go south

Absurdly creative with the whole cooking process in general

Keeps trying to incorporate magic. This does occasionally backfire when the beast being cooked is also magical by nature, and the two don't mix as intended

Nadia

She's politely unconvinced, but still mildly invested

Is she personally interested in trying all manner of unconventional dishes? Sure, if it's a well-established recipe from a trustworthy source and contributes to her cultural education

Your recipes, darling MC, do not cleanly fit into that category

She'll still try some, but only after you've been able to replicate the dish multiple times to the point that it's reliably delicious and safe to eat. Otherwise, she'll happily pass her portion to you

However, once you do find a creature that can be reliably cooked as part of a nutritious diet, she is all ears

Do you know what the state of Vesuvia is right now? Any new food source is a welcome food source, especially if it's a resource that isn't being tapped into otherwise. Tell her more about its properties

Will work with you and other nutritionists, chefs, and civil engineers to find a way to introduce it to the populace so they can take advantage of it

Who knows? Maybe if it's popular enough, it can be purposefully cultivated and turned into a major food export ...

Muriel

Not remotely surprised by your habits, for multiple reasons

For starters, he spent his teens living with Asra. In the woods. Who do you think came up with all those natural remedies for food poisoning??? Not the kid picking every mushroom they saw!

Second of all, he lives off of the land himself. The reason his grocery list is so short is because he's learned to find most of his sustenance in the woods around him. You're just doing the same

Third of all (and most importantly) - if it's food, it's food. It's that simple

Will eat anything you hand him as soon as he knows it won't poison him, no hesitation in sight and no further questions asked

His only concern about the whole thing is sustainability. He knows firsthand what happens when something throws the delicate balance of an ecosystem out of whack and he wants to make sure that doesn't happen on accident because you're new to it

Never really stops to appreciate any of the good flavors at first, but eventually develops a palette for the different spices

Insanely good at assessing what kind of nutrients it'll have

Portia

Being an excellent chef herself, she doesn't see much point in eating mostly monster food once the initial excitement has worn off. It was fun for several meals, but now she wants bread

This does not change her general fascination with monsters or magical beasts in general, though, or her overall interest in helping you on your special monster cuisine endeavors

Share the monster facts - all the monster facts

Will work with you on putting together notebooks full of information on monster behaviors, nutritional values, hunting and preparation methods, and ideal flavor profiles

Unrivaled at giving good cooking advice. The meat's good to eat, but too tough? Marinate it in something acidic

It's too spongy to be a starch, but too starchy to be a vegetable? Try roasting or grilling it plain and putting sauce on top

Knows all about how to maximize the "scraps" so that nothing edible goes wasted, and knows how to do it in a way that still tastes good and fills you up

Curious enough to try most of it, smart enough to avoid poisoning

Lucio

Okay, okay, so he'll admit it - he does get squeamish (just a little bit) at the thought of eating the monsters that tried to kill him earlier and he's not particularly fond of revisiting the "eat or be eaten" mentality that was instilled in him as a small child

That said, he is curious

And he very much enjoys all the hunting (and bounties!) involved

You're telling him that he gets to chase down a rare beast, enjoy the thrill of conquering it and the bragging rights that entails, get paid for disposing of it, and then get a free meal after he forgets about it for a couple hours? Sign him up!

Just, uh. Just don't remind him what exactly he's eating if it's from one of the grosser monsters. Devouring a deadly ancient boar? Awesome! Devouring a worm monster? ... yeah, don't ruin it

Has no issues with putting more resources into what you're trying to do. It means free food, bragging rights about killing and eating monsters, and dinner not getting dull and boring

Will not-so-subtly feed anything he doesn't like to Mercedes and Melchior when he thinks you can't see him

[darylsfavoritegirl]

HEYYYY IM HONESTLY SO FUCKING EXCITED WHAT DO YOU THINK ABT THESE HEADCANONS bc i wanted to do smth like for a while i just never could come up with anything but its easy in a sense sooo here you gooou

SFW

• I don't think his mommy issues are necessarily sexual, sometimes you would do something that would invoke that "motherly" "safe" or "warm" feeling inside of him. He would never be able to understand what it was or would tell anyone about it. It'd be one of the reasons why he'd care for you as much as he did. You'd make him feel safe by saying something or embracing your arms around him in a certain way which would make him commemorate his mother, though because his mom died when he was young, he wouldn't be able to understand it at all bc he doesn't consciously remember those moments with her. This man fr would think you'd cast a spell on him :D

• I just know this man is a feminist in the core. Growing up, he'd always hear Merle running his mouth about women and how they were like this and they were like that, overall his ignorant, blunt, dumb thoughts about women. He would witness his dad going off on benders with different women each time and how he'd vulgarly talk about them later. And hell maybe he's disrespected women or been really cruel to them but he still regrets it to this time and yeah we all know this man suffers in redemption, always trying to make up for his past mistakes and wrongs. Yet I'm %100 sure he loves seeing women thrive, turning into their best selves or just witness them be real badass and it might even give him some kind of arousal 👀👀. He is into that shit. I said what I said.

• One of his love languages is definitely showing you the places he'd used to spend his time in. Could be a special spot in the woods, could be a small cabin he'd used to get lit with people. Hell it could be random corner in town whenever you'd have to be in downtown for various reasons. He wouldn't even mind if those places brought him bad memories or unpleasant ones. He'd just like being there with you, doing whole ass story times and watch you react them with a wide-eyed expression. He did have a weird and a "crazy" life before the fall that'd make him feel like he was on mushrooms everytime just thinking about it. He'd love letting you know more and more about his past. It would just give him a reassuring feeling deep down. He would feel like it would bound you two together.

• That.man.has.a.sweet.tooth. He loves anything that has sugar. He'd always snack on candies or cookies or chocolates after a hangover. Or when he'd be on drugs. Sugar wakes him the fuck up and he loves the energy boost. He'd carry some candies in his pocket back in the day, eating them throughout the day when he'd feel his blood sugar dropping.

• He is definitely a car-date type of guy. He got more into it after the apocalpyse started and he met you. Sometimes you'd go on runs and you could sit in the car for hours, smoking, eating, talking or yk👀👀 if supplies you found weren't an emergency need. He absolutely savored those moments. You could sit for hours without speaking, in a complete silence. He appreciates quietude.

NSFW

• I know him having a breeding kink is well known and acknowledged but he's insane about it that it hurts. He loves seeing you all squirmed and whiny underneath him with all his cum inside of you, some of it dripping down your thighs. You couldn't always find the right pills for unplanned pregnancy risk and it WOULD drive him crazy to not be able to it.

• He just loves to see you messy beneath him. Hair all tangled, thighs shaking uncontrollably. Your fingers digging so deep on his shoulders that you'd cause his broad shoulders to bleed sometimes, he loved it. Your eyes are all glossy with pleasure. You both would love to go wild and leave sloppy kisses on eachother's bodies and wouldn't mind them drying on your bodies at all, leaving it all sticky.

• He loves being submissive as much as he loves being dominant. You can't convince me otherwise. If you gained his trust, he will be all yours, all needy beneath you while you ride his soul out of his damn body. Again, he adores a badass woman, a woman to take the lead. You would place your hands on his chest and sometimes hold his strong large biceps and he wouldn't dare to move an inch. He liked being vulnerable like that.

• He is just so patient it physically throws you over the edge. He'd get so close making you cum and he'd stop, teasing you with his tip or fingers or sometimes his tongue. He'd smirk at you and even make fun of you in a taunting way to overstimulate you and don't worry he'd make up for it with better ways. He knows what he is doing. It's just come natural to him.

• It's safe to say you are the one who teases him in the public most of the time, your feet tracing his legs up until it stops on his bulge under the table and he'd give a stern stare, trying to shrug and look indifferent as others would notice his suddenly-changing demenour. However, there'd be boring Alexandria dinners that Deanna would host and if you sat next to eachother, he'd place his large hand on your thigh and even dare to slip a finger on the fabric of your panties, starting to rub his middle finger harshly in circles while having full ass conversations with people and try to hide his subtle smirk bearing his face. He would do it rarely yet he'd be so good at it because no one would suspect a thing, he'd always make it look like he was resting his arm on your lap. You'd squirm under his warm touch and heat waves would wash all over you while trying to look normal as ever. And believe me, after those nights, when you'd confront about him about what he did at a dinner with 20 people, he'd act as if he doesn't understand a thing you're saying or would say "Don' kno' what yer talkin' 'bout." while shrugging his shoulders and turning to his side with a wicked grin.

FOOTNOTE

well this actually took shorter than i thought idk why i believed it would take me couple of days to finish one lmao i deadass wrote this in like an hour max ???? anyway i wish there were more but idc i was so impatient to post one of theseeee :)))

[homocidalpotat]

100 followers milestone!

First off, I want to thank everyone who has got me to this number! I really appreciate every one of you and I'm glad I have created a blog that not only I enjoy, but all of you can too :3

As a celebration of my 100+ beloved followers, I'm making an ask game! I will separate it into two sections- followers and mutuals. If you follow me, you can send me an ask with some of the options in the follower section. If you're a mutual of mine, you can send me an ask from both sections. You can send me as many asks as you want.

I've themed it on European forests, with followers getting object and plant themes and mutuals getting animals.

Followers

Tree bark: I will give you a compliment

Fly agaric: Just get to know me a little bit! You can ask what my favourite colour is or something, tame questions like that

Pinecone: Assign me to a disney character

Maple leaf: I will pick a sweet treat to virtually give you that I think you'd like

Chicken of the woods: I will tell you whatever I'm thinking of at the time I respond to your ask

Tree sap: Recommend a fandom for me to get stuck into

Oak leaf: I will assign a totally random, off-the-top-of-my-head historical figure to you

Moss: I will tell you something reassuring

Pine needle: Give me some constructive criticism on anything

Mutuals

Red-crested woodpecker: We can chat/shout/hc/etc about a shared interest

Great tit: I will tell you an embarrassing story

Fox: Ask me a random question about me (if I don't feel comfortable asking, you can always ask me a different question)

Rabbit: I will send you a picture of Toby or one of my rabbits (Snuggles and Peter)

Squirrel: I will give you a random fact

Song thrush: I will assign a song to you that I think you will like/will fit your vibe. This might end up as me recommending a random song from my playlist...

Roe deer: I will make you a moodboard

Barn owl: I will show you a picture of something cool in my hoarde of stuff

Badger: Play a word game with me (20 questions, word association, etc)

Hedgehog: Give me a headcanon about me

Frog: I will give you a headcanon about you

BONUS FOR MUTUALS I INTERACT WITH A LOT

Nymph: I will plan out a day spent with you! (Or longer, you can specify) (e.g. we go to the mall and then we go to KFC or something)

(Credit to @strangergraphics and @saradika-graphics for the dividers)

Tagging my mutuals: @almosthumanjessi @animal-lover-forever @anglptera @anything-for-my-moony-1971 @bleep-bloop-boo @calypso10191 @chaoticgremlin-1 @cheekyboybeth (btw, thanks for helping me with setting this up, mum!) @dandelionflowery @dracosleftarsecheek @green-001 @here-am-i-sitting-in-a-tin-can @i-eat-so-much-grass @klondyke-the-bear @legaltrashgoblin @lemmeeatacrylicpaint @littlegayduck @maryland-officially @monarchofthequeerpotatoes @mushroom-music @nanochittle @names-confuse-me (love u ducky x) @nyx-taylors-version @onceinalifetimexperiencebuttwice @osmoticneuron @potato276 @ravenwordss @saintperseus @savj2003 @schistostegapennata @sentientballofpeas @silentprincessofhyrule @someone-kill-the-ej @that-dam-heartstopper-fan @touslin @thecrazyalchemist @theetherealraphael @unstableunicornsofasgard @uhmmmmaixllezhere @yourlocalbadgerscales @2xhbergggg @26mayflowers

LINK TO MAIN INTRO POST HERE!!!!

[bishopsbelova]

So, I don't know how anyone could watch 19x20 of NCIS and not ship these two.

I have surpassed "they're cute" with Jess/Jimmy and gone straight to utter "shipper trash"

The whole life/death situation

Jimmy packing a sealed lunch in the cooler with the organ they're transporting and sharing half his sandwich with Jess (to save her form eating some random fucking mushroom plant)

The fact that this is the look on Jimmy's face when Jess pulls out a pocketknife and starts cutting the crust off her PB&J????

The way she literally ends up digging a bullet out of the back of his thigh in the middle of a random ass cabin in the woods? And then Jimmy choose that moment to talk about this thing between them???

How she calls him one of her best friends and how she doesn't want to lose that?

THIS moment?

Or this one?

I'm so far gone and there's no coming back for me.

[giselberts]

YEAHH HAROLD the herald of andraste. no you don't get to know her real name. what are you a cop or something.

i think she doesn't look buff but she's real strong. went from mage to warrior because on all levels except physical she's a bear. changed solas' brain chemistry by just ripping a log in two with her bare hands once.

lore about her under the cut but its very sparse because i don't understand dragon age lore but im just here for the fun

yes so little homie is half-elf who grew up in kirkwall circle, then broke out and ran away into the woods before her harrowing, when she was 17-18ish.

after becoming a bear on all levels except physical she stumbled upon clan lavellan and the homies took her in for a year or two (so from ages 20-22) and taught her cool survival skill like actually cooking food and not eating random mushrooms on the ground and making a real tent.

she then fucks off back into the woods, until she's 27ish? decides that mayyybe society is worth checking out again and oh no she's caught in dai events. what a terrible day.

she thinks that showers aren't real and that rubbing yourself in dirt and moss is enough to clean yourself. her relationship with varric is like donkey and shrek. her dream is to bench press iron bull. solas seduces her with the power of soap. (don't ask).

[mycoblogg]

Autumn has fallen! What are some edible mushrooms I might find around local forests? (Obviously local differs widely, but maybe there are a few that are common in many places?)

autumn has indeed fallen.. haha.. *sweats in southern hemisphere*

here is a nice list of edible mushrooms common across the world (especially the northern hemisphere as i assume you're from up there), & that especially fruit during autumn-winter months :

chicken of the woods (laetiporus sulphureus)

chanterelles

horse mushroom (agaricus arvensis)

field mushroom (agaricus campestris)

giant & common puffballs - only safe to eat when young & white all the way through, plus they're quite over-harvested

shaggy ink caps (coprinus comatus) - but remember to eat before they mature !!

morels (a little harder to find, but a great find if you can)

saffron & indigo milk caps

lion's mane (hericium erinaceus)

..& many more !! please remember to be extremely careful when foraging alone, & i don't advise eating random fungi if you're not well-educated on mushroom identification. ^^"

[cilil]

I don't know if you take random prompts, but... Irmo inventing hallucination mushrooms with Melkor 😂❤️

AN: I do and I apologize for taking so long - TRSB and S&D kept me busy for a while. Anyway, this was a really fun idea and I hope you enjoy this silly little thing😂💜

๑ Characters/relationship(s): Melkor & Irmo ๑ Synopsis: Melkor shows off one of his favorite creations - mushrooms! Irmo, fascinated by these strange new things, has a few ideas. ๑ Warnings: I guess this falls under drug use (kind of)? XD ๑ Short oneshot

"And what can they do?" Irmo pokes the colourful mushroom in front of him, giggling when it bounces back. 

"A better question would be what mushrooms can't do," Melkor says proudly and places another pot on the ground, containing a decaying piece of wood and more mushrooms growing on it. 

"Oh?" Irmo resumes his tactile examination of the wondrous new things he has just discovered; it appears as though the squishy texture provides him with endless delight and entertainment, Melkor notices, pleased with himself. 

"Simply put, mushrooms can grow everywhere and eat everything," he explains. "All they need are a few adjustments depending on what their purpose is supposed to be." 

"Are they like plants?"

"No." Melkor's chest swells with pride; even though part of him despises this question, insinuating that he might depend on the works of Yavanna to make his own, he secretly hoped Irmo would ask - now he gets to explain the true ingeniousness of his creations. 

"They are neither plants nor animals, they are their own kind. It may appear as though they are similar to plants, but they feed on organic substances like animals do. Some help with decay, like the ones here... some may be parasites, some may be symbiotes... I have been experimenting with different types." 

Irmo nods along. "And what about us eating them?" 

Melkor grins. "Well... you can eat them, but some only once." 

"Are they that rare?" 

He has to stop himself from laughing in response to such a naive question, paired with the wide innocence of Irmo's bright purple eyes. 

"No, but some are poisonous." 

The younger Vala pouts. "Námo and Estë won't like that." 

"Námo and Estë will have to accept that not all of my mushrooms want to be eaten." 

The response seems to placate him for the moment, and Irmo picks a mushroom to nibble on it. Melkor stares at him in disbelief, wondering if he either instinctively knew which one to try or if he was just that unbothered by his previous statement. Vala or not, some of his prototypes could have made his fána quite sick. 

Irmo looks up at him, chewing thoughtfully. "But what if it was pink," he muses, "or purple. Or if it emitted glitter when it gets poked or if it made me see things or if it made me feel nice –"

"What are you talking about?" 

"I was just wondering..." 

Ignoring the older Vala's frown, he picks up one of the pots. "May I? Please?" 

Melkor hates being questioned. He usually isn't amenable to suggestions of others either – but Irmo's ideas are so odd and outlandish that he finds himself intrigued nevertheless. What a Fëantur could even want with living things such as his mushrooms is also a bit of a mystery to him; but then again, the younger of the two has always been known to find more delights in the physical world than his brother, his strange penchant for gardening and working as a healer alongside his wife being just two of many examples. 

And so Melkor sits down next to him and listens as he begins to hum a tune, cradling the pot to his chest. They remain like this for a while, one singing, one observing the change in his creations, until Irmo ends his song with a joyful squeal. 

"I am done!" he proclaims. "Our very own marvellous, magical, for-good-mood-only mushrooms!" 

Melkor is already in the process of opening his mouth to correct him when he realises that he said "our". Briefly, he wonders whether such a statement is still an affront to his claim of ownership, but he knows he has to concede that Irmo has put a lot of work into these. Today, he decides, he'll be generous.

The mushrooms Irmo is holding are now light purple, with a few pink and blue ones in-between, their caps have cute dots on them and Melkor is pretty sure their spores would glitter if he poked them.

Irmo offers him the pot. "Try eating one."

"Only if you tell me what they are supposed to do first."

"But I did! I told you I want them to make us feel good and see things." 

"Fine," Melkor grumbles and takes one, watching Irmo enthusiastically consume a handful. 

The first surprise is that they don't taste like cotton candy. The second surprise comes when he begins to feel dizzy, then light, then strangely euphoric. 

Has Irmo's and Estë's garden always been so bright and colourful? Melkor's musings are occasionally interrupted by the Fëantur's quiet giggles as he somehow manages to spin around while remaining seated, seemingly untethered from silly earthly things like gravity.

"See how pretty it looks?" Irmo exclaims, rejoicing. "Now everything can be like a dream, even if you are awake! Is it not lovely?" 

Amused and bemused alike, Melkor nods. Whatever these mushrooms are doing to his fána may not exactly be safe, but since when has being the voice of reason been his job? He'll leave that to Námo, should they end up incurring the ire of the elder Fëantur with their shenanigans – or Estë. 

For reasons inexplicable even to himself, he laughs at the thought. They may come if they so choose, but he's in such a good mood that he might be willing to share. After all, his mushrooms – their mushrooms – seem to be a success, one he will be delighted to relay in great detail the next time Yavanna and Vána complain to him about death and decay. 

Irmo has begun to roll around in the grass, and Melkor takes another purple mushroom. Surely even the other Valar would have to agree that something created in collaboration with one of them, something that contains such boundless joy could hardly be evil?

Thanks for reading!♡

Read more? main masterlist Get tagged for my writing? tag list form

taglist: @a-contemplation-upon-flowers @asianbutnotjapanese @a-world-of-whimsy-5 @bluezenzennie @edensrose @eunoiaastralwings @i-did-not-mean-to @melkors-defense-attorney @singleteapot @wandererindreams

[darklylucid]

Kelly! Hi! Just checking in cause I wanted to ask how you’re doing? I haven’t been very active lately, but I had a cute thought. Lester, freckled by the sun, his hair slowly curling up at his ears as it dampens lightly with sweat, his tongue poked out of the corner of his mouth, a look of concentration on his face as he stares intently at the ground. A bright smile suddenly tugs at his lips, illuminating his whole face with mirth. “Ha! I found another one, Bo! That makes twelve! How many do you got again, two?!” He’d rush towards the spot in front of the tree, sliding a bit as he falls to the ground, his hands instantly moving toward the little piece of treasure on the ground. He’d be so careful, plucking it gently out of the ground and cradling it in his hands. Mushroom soup was so much better than roadkill.

—

I went mushroom hunting for the first time in my life with my boyfriend and his family today and got caught in barbed wire (why there was a random string of barbed wire connected to a tree, I will never know) and literally face planted the ground! (I’m okay!! My shoe is shredded thought lmbo) it was hilarious. I laughed . Nobody else did. It was embarrassing. For some reason I still can’t comprehend, I then proceeded to lay flat on the ground while everyone stared at me. I wonder if they can tell that I don’t get out much 🤣🤣

It was fun though. I’m me so I felt out of place but like, I’m very glad I agreed to go. I never wanna do it again, but it was fun to see everybody so happy and excited to search for mushrooms. I hadn’t had any plans of hiking this summer, but after that, I kinda miss it. I wanna try and see some waterfalls. Maybe the sun and a long walk is exactly what this year needs.

(Also friendly warning that if you’re a easily freckled person and you’ve been out in the woods, that tiny new “freckle” might not be a freckle after all and could very well be a baby tick.)

This ended up being a bit longer than I thought it would be. Sorry!! I hope you’re having the bestest of Mondays.

- Lily ❤️.

How, HOW could I have possibly known just from reading this bit in the middle - 'I went mushroom hunting for the first time in my life with my boyfriend and his family today and got caught in barbed wire' that this ask was from YOU? OMGFG, Lily...MOTHERFUCKIN' BUBBLE WRAP, I *swear*

Also...💕 LILY!!! 💕

I'm going to go ahead and assume that you somehow managed to find the only bit of barbed wire within 50 miles to trip over. It's such a you thing to do 😂

I'm glad your face is ok, and it's far better to have a shredded shoe than a shredded foot...with your luck, you could've gotten Necrotizing Fasciitis (don't look it up, really...DON'T) 💀

There is no shame in tripping over something in the woods, and I definitely would have helped you up...after I took a photo, of course! 😊

That is a beautiful HOW thought...and I can see Lester being quite an accomplished mushroom forager, especially with all the books he scavenged from the derelict home of one of Ambrose's former residents, a retired Mycologist who now serves as a permanent fixture in the House Of Wax...

Please be very careful, Lily, as mushroom foraging can be both incredibly fun and incredibly dangerous, and people have died from either cooking a meal made with foraged mushroom they thought were harmless, or have had them deliberately fed to them by someone intent on causing their untimely death...

That being said, can you just imagine Lester trying to teach Bo and Vincent the difference between 'this is safe to eat' and 'if you eat this it will hurt the entire time you are dying'?

(Yes, mushroom soup IS oftentimes better than roadkill...except when it comes to raccoon roadkill stroganoff made WITH foraged mushrooms!)

How he would gently explain to a gravely disappointed Vincent that the mushrooms he thought were rare and expensive Morels were, in fact, 'False Morels', one of the most poisonous mushrooms in the state, and how he would promise to bring him some real Morels from 'that fancy-ass grocery store' the next time he went into town...

...or, how he would smack Bo with his hat and give him a stern lecture after Bo tried to convince him that the freshly picked basket of 'Fly Agaric' mushrooms couldn't possibly be poisonous because Mario ate them all the time in the 'Super Mario Brothers' games...

(Red cap...white spots, it *looks* safe to eat, therefore they *are* safe to eat...right?)

Now, as for tics, the closest I ever get to plant life is browsing the produce section of the local grocery store! I don't hike or take walks in the woods, so, that's one less thing to worry about!

If you ever do see some waterfalls, I expect pictures! I've never seen one in person, but, I can live vicariously through your adventures!

Sorry for the lateness of the reply, but TECHNICALLY, today is still 'a' Monday, right? 😅

Last Monday was pretty good, but unfortunately, it preceded a shit week and an even worse weekend (nearly three days of stress-induced panic attacks was not restful, but at least I was off those three days...small miracles, right?)

I miss you, Lily...my DM's are always open for you! *Hugs* 💕

@imbleedin-out

[ryttu3k]

Ta'varin 'Tae' Arkenval | Drow (Surface) | Circle of the Land Druid / Cleric of Eilistraee | They/Them | 94

Questions by @sporeservant , found here! A slightly more lighthearted set of answers for my fluffy pastel custom Tav when compared to my Durge, haha.

Favourite weapon: Phalar Aluve most beloved! They don't actually use it much? Like, they're very much not trained in using a longsword, haha. But they have an emotional attachment to it due to the connection to their Goddess, and so it's a permanent part of their gear.

Style of combat: Distance magic user. They mostly use stuff like Moonbeam, Spike Growth, and Call Lightning, although Sunbeam certainly becomes a late-game fave!

Most prized possession: As mentioned, very attached to Phalar Aluve.

Deepest desire: By the end of the game, it's to find a cure for Karlach. You don't willingly go to the Hells for someone you don't intend on helping to the fullest extend of your ability!

Guilty pleasure: They're most comfortable in the wilderness, but secretly… they really like shopping in the Wide.

Best-kept secret: They actually secretly really like the Underdark. It has this weird sort of beauty to it - glowing mushrooms and trees and all. It sort of feels like an insult to Eilistraee, but it's just… a cool vibe.

Greatest strength: A finely balanced combination of gentleness and forgiveness, and a willingness to murder someone if they deserve it. This may or may not be a strength.

Fatal flaw: A finely balanced combination of gentlene…

Favourite smell: Clean green loamy smells, the smell of the forest after rain. Also, freshly baked bread.

Favourite spell or cantrip: Speak With Animals their beloved. It was the first one they ever used (a scroll as a birthday gift) and is still their most-used.

Pet peeve: People who leave trash and stuff around their campsites. The traveller's chest just kept filling up with random trash they kept finding in the wilds so they could dispose of it later. Pick up your shit, people!!

Bad habit: Like. Eating leaves and flowers and mushrooms. One of the reasons they started learning herblore and the like was to work out what would be safe to randomly stick in their mouth. Their favourite is acorn truffle.

Hidden talent: A pretty dab hand with a grass whistle. PHWEET.

Leisure activity: Honestly they just love hanging out outside and chatting with animals. Catching up on gossip with the birds and all. They also enjoy reading and listening to music, and a bit of drawing (albeit not very well).

Favourite drink: Fruity teas. Technically at this point they're not actually teas, they're like, fruit infusions, but they're nice hot drinks with fruits. Tea!

Comfort food: Pumpkin soup, served with freshly-baked bread dripping with a good-quality olive oil, a good sweet caramelised vinegar, and sprinkled with nuts and spices (I'm thinking EVOO, caramelised balsamic, and dukkah specifically, although I don't think it'd be called that in Faerûn. The wiki does, at least, list sesame seeds, coriander/cilantro, cumin, and mint, and hazelnut oil that implies the existence of, well, hazelnuts, has olive oil, and has vinegars, so the dish itself would certainly be possible!). Shit now I'm hungry.

Favourite person: Karlach <3 Aside from their actual girlfriend, though, they adore and look up to Halsin - he reminds them a great deal of their wood elf grandfather, who, while not a druid, had a love of nature too that he instilled in young Tae.

Favoured display of affection (platonic and/or romantic): Honestly they're almost like an animal themself in the sense that it's just… sitting and existing near a person they like. Not necessarily touching or talking (although they're not opposed to it!), just… chilling in their space.

Fondest childhood memory: Got that Speak With Animals scroll and was never the same again. Spent that entire birthday just wandering the forest and talking to every animal they could find.

[that-pineapple154]

Pineapple's Furby Masterlist

⭐🌙⭐

1990s Furbys

King Noodles Ink'Squeegee of the Spiders

~ he/they ~ witch's cat Noodles was my first 90's furby. His hobbies include watching scary movies, making s'mores, trespassing, and staring off into the distance and pointing to get other people to look at absolutely nothing. He is a friend to all 8 legged creatures and a loyal friend to all

Patchfoot the Pirate

~ he/him ~ giraffe Patchfoot is my one and only amputee furby. His right foot was in pretty bad condition when I got him so I removed it, and plan to eventually make him a prosthetic. He loves to be outside, and is very photogenic. He would also like to remind you to not eat random mushrooms you find on your walks through the woods

Prapai

~ he/him ~ Leopard Prapai is a suave buisness man who knows what he wants. And what he wants is shiny objects. He also enjoys playing a lil mini golf in his free time

Mr. Bowie

~ heehee/him ~ Jester You know the Goblin King from the movie Labyrinth? That's his role model. Mr. Bowie thrives in some good chaotic energy, as long as he stays neat and clean

Brad Grady (Grady)

~ he/him ~ Graduation He's gay. Need I say more? Oh I do? Okay. Well he's also an English and Furbish professor, doing his best to teach humans and furby's each other's languages. In his free time he likes to consume poetry. I mean that in the literal sense... Apparently its the best way to gain more knowledge

Chappell

~ she/they ~ wolf Chappell, unlike the singer she'd named after is actually mute. They work just fine but cannot talk. It's all okay though cause she finds other ways to communicate. They are a lover of music and literature, and loves to spend time with her girlfriend, Vinnie

Lavinia (Vinnie)

~ she/her ~ snowball Vinnie is "The Key Master", though the key to what, she refuses to say. She spends most of her time with her girlfriend, Chappell, and is typically the one who plans their dates. She loves to sew and has a huge interest in the supernatural and Victorian buildings. She'd love to someday live in one.

Sunbleach

~ any pronouns ~ racoon Sunbleach, who also goes by Sunny and Bleach, is a furb who loves to pursue his hobbies. You'll often find her at a desk drawing, designing, or fixing things. They also have a strange fascination with guitar picks, though they're to small to play any of mine.

Furby Babys

Eggwhite Puddling

~ she/her ~ Snowy Eggwhite may be a girly girl, but she sure knows how to change a tire. Her favorite smell is gasoline and lawn clippings, and her favorite movie is Cars. She also really loves cute and brightly colored things

Tartar Merengue

~ she/they ~ Snowy Tartar is a furb with an appreciation for alt fashion. They love the color black, and have even considered dying their hair that color once or twice, though she'd never actually do it. Her hobbies include staring at books and trying to make the words make sense, and giving up to go read a graphic novel instead

Furby Booms

Tinsel

~ he/him ~ furbacca Tinsel doesn't say much, but he loves to sing. Don't tell anyone but despite being based on Chewbacca, he hasn't watched more than the first 3 Starwars movies

Castiel De'Lolbit Extravaganza

~ he/they ~ zigzag stripes Cas is a lover of all things horror. He'll play horror games and watch horror movies right before bed and never gets nightmares, though sometimes he does get a bit paranoid. He also loves collecting rocks and crystals to display

Furby Connects

Kei-doh

~ he/him ~ magenta Kei-doh is a huge fan of baseball. The Redsocks and the Tigers are his two favorite teams, but he'll watch just about any game. He likes to play baseball too. He hits well, though he isn't a very fast baserunner. He doesn't mind though, cause its all just for fun

2023 Furbys

Ebeau

~ he/they ~ Coral Ebeau's just a fun loving guy. He's just a silly lil dude, doin silly lil dude things. He totally doesn't engage in illegal activities like jaywalking... Nope. Not at all

Capone

~ any pronouns ~ purple Capone doesn't like to talk about what he does. And most people probably don't want to hear about it either. I mean what kind of monster would literally take candy from a baby? Capone. That's what kind

Ghidorah Glitterbomb

~ she/her ~ tie-dye Though being incredibly powerful and gifted in the art of magic, Ghidorah doesn't use it much, instead preferring to save her skills for important things like putting on good fireworks shows, or giving candy back the babys Capone took from

Boroax

~ he/they ~ aurora furbealis Boroax is a fun loving guy with a love for anything space related. He may or may not be an alien himself, but they will neither confirm or deny it. His favorite thing to do in his freetime is watching christmas lights and staring into street lamps

Furblets, Buddies, & Happy Meal Toys, Oh my!

Toothpaste, Oyster, Taylor, & Boston

~ they/them, he/they, she/her, & she/they ~ 2023 furblets These lil guys would love to be in a band, but they can't agree on what genre of music to perform in

Wiggles

~ he/him ~ 2005 Happy Meal toy He's very quiet, but that just makes him a better listener. He loves to people watch and silently judge from afar

Carlton

~ any pronouns ~ furby buddie He's seen some things and done some things...

Amarillo

~ they/them ~ furby keychain They're tired, and they want to take a nap

⭐🌙⭐

Thanks For Reading ^^

[sparkly-skies]

Go ahead. Historians would love to examine my beautiful mind.

Future historians will try to figure out what "gender juice" is and try to recreate it with fruits that people have described with gender terms. Then again, if you go for fruity in the sense of queer, they could just make a fruit salad and put it in the blender. Raspberries, blueberries, and whatever white fruit they can find. Pineapple.

Also I don't have to bully you for being touch starved. That's too low. I could just bully you for eating every random berry you come across.

Do NOT search for "touchstarved" in the gifs because you WILL get 18+ content. Which is Not what I want. I just need someone to crush me with their weight like a pancake, or hold my hand like I'll get lost otherwise.

Once again, I do NOT eat every berry I come across! I thought it was a currant!! It looked like a currant! I spit it out immediately when it was bitter!! I spit out the cherry laurel immediately too when it was disgusting!! And now I know what that looks like and that it's poisonous, and I also know that apparently, rowan berries are not as poisonous as our parents made us believe when we were kids. Then again, a kid needs to eat far less poison to be affected.

Anyway. I have a basic survival instinct. I never eat the mushrooms my sister and her friend pick in the woods. I take pictures of the berries and ask friends if you can eat that. If I do eat a berry and don't immediately spit it out again (hasn't happened yet), I'd only eat one, not enough to actually hurt me. I know I do dumb shit that I shouldn't but like. I'd love a CT scan of my brain and compare it to other neurodivergent and neurotypical people and see what lights up in who.

[brokenhardies]

🌹, 🍄(out of sheer curiosity lol), 🏵️ and 💮 for Luna! ^_^

🌹 [ROSE] Does your OC believe in true love? Why?

Answered here

🍄 [MUSHROOM] How likely is your OC to eat random berries/mushrooms they find?

"Luna, please don't eat that." "I'm dead already, Doc, what's the worst that could happen!" She said before Three had to try to inform the Brigadier why Luna hadn't left the bathroom ever since they went out in the woods. So, very likely!

🏵️ [ROSETTE] What flower symbolises your OC best and why? What does the flower mean in floriography?

I associate Luna with white roses (due to Alice in Wonderland) and blue asters (mostly because they're pretty, starlike flowers)! White roses symbolise peace, innocence, purity, loyalty and eternity, the last one being very fitting for The Girl who Survived. Blue asters symbolise faith, stability, and depth, which again, is quite fitting for Luna!

💮 [WHITE FLOWER] Has your OC ever kissed someone? Who, when, and where?

She kissed a boy when she was in 3rd grade on a dare on the school playground. His breath tasted like soda and pixie stix, and she felt it was gross. She stays away from kissing people on the lips, instead preferring forehead or cheek kisses.

[survey--s]

617.

1. Who was the last person you forgave? How long did it take you to forgive them? I don't remember the last time I felt like I had to forgive someone, to be quite honest.

2. Is going mushroom hunting in the woods something that would interest you? Not really. I wouldn't trust myself to know what was safe.

3. What is your favorite junk food? How about your favorite health food? French fries or proper "chippy chips". Health-wise, I love mango, watermelon and aubergines.

4. Are you listening to anything right now? Do you normally listen to music while you take surveys? I'm watching Below Deck: Down Under. I prefer to watch TV over listening to music but it depends on my mood.

5. What were you doing the last time you hung out with a friend? I went out for coffee with Susie on Sunday morning.

6. Is there anything about you that might cause others to dislike you? Yeah, I'm autistic and I can struggle to relate to people sometimes. I'm not great at reading social cues which can cause problems.

7. Is there anything you’re really particular or specific about, anything that has to be done a certain way every time? Yeah, most things hahah. I'm very routine driven (again, autism) and that's another thing that can cause problems - if things aren't done according to my routine then I can find it really stressful and overwhelming.

8. Are there any chores you need to get done today? We need to sort the bookshelf in the living room so that the BT engineer can access all the sockets tomorrow. I can't do anything about that until Mike's back though as I can't move it alone and the stuff on there isn't mine to move.

9. Where was the last place you went shopping and what did you buy? In person? I went to the supermarket on Sunday to get coffee, muffins and some other random bits. I have my main food shop arriving in an hour though.

10. What was the last big change you made to your physical appearance? I haven't made a big change to my appearance in ages.

11. Are you more likely to shut people out of your life or try to fix things no matter what? I don't really shut people out but equally I'm not someone who's willing to fight for someone who's clearly not that interested.

12. Where was the last place you went out to eat? Is going out something you enjoy or would you rather cook at home? A local pub yesterday. I love going out for meals but it's so expensive these days - I only went yesterday as my mum was paying LOL.

13. If you have any pets, do they seem to notice when you’re sick or sad? Archie definitely seems to understand when I don't feel very well, he always comes for a cuddle and doesn't ask to go for a walk or to play or anything, he just curls up next to me the entire time. The cats don't really give a shit LOL. Layla actually used to sit with me when I had my periods - and always on my stomach so maybe she realised on some level.

15. Is anything you’ve done lately going to matter in a year? Where's question 14? Anyway, yeah, I hope so.

16. What was the subject of your last phone call? I have no idea, I pretty much never talk to anyone on the phone.

17. Are your hobbies something you’d rather do alone or with others? It depends on the hobby. I do surveys and watch TV alone but I love shopping and walking dogs with other people. When I ride I prefer to be with other people too, but more for safety reasons than anything else. I'm rubbish at riding and having a conversation at the same time, hahah.

18. Is there anything about yourself that you’re trying to improve? No, not really. I generally can't be bothered to do much self-improvement, if I'm being honest hah.

19. What are you doing today? Not much. I had a lie-in, took the dog out to explore a new walk, had a shower and since then I've just been watching TV and messing about online. The food shop is arriving in an hour so and then...that's it really.

20. What did you dream about last night? I can't remember it now but I remember waking up and thinking it was a really weird dream.

21. When was the last time you visited with relatives? Do you see extended family often? I saw my mum yesterday but most of my family live in Australia and I've not been back there in about a decade now. It's just too expensive and takes up too much of my annual leave. I last saw some of my Australian family pre-COVID when they visited for a few weeks.

22. What was the last relaxing thing you did? My whole day has been pretty relaxing - I slept in, had a lovely walk with Archie, had a shower and I've just been chilling ever since. I could easily take a nap if I didn't need to sort the shopping soon lol.

23. Will this weekend be better than last weekend? They'll probably be about the same.

24. When was the last time you were there for a friend? I guess just in general recently for Susie - she's been really struggling with Reuben and how tying it is to have a new puppy - especially when she never wanted him in the first place lol.

25. Do you have any jewelry you almost never take off? I never take any of my jewellery off/out unless I'm changing it.

26. What are some of your favorite words? Discombobulation, charisma, eclectic, antidisestablishmentarianism.

27. Do you have any journals from when you were younger? If so, do you ever go back and read them? Nah, I chucked them all out when my parents moved up here. I did re-read them at one point and just cringed - I was so dramatic as a teenager lol.

28. Are there any holidays you used to celebrate, but no longer do? Halloween and Easter, I guess.

29. What was the last occasion for which you dressed up? Uhh. I honestly couldn't tell you - probably my own wedding lol.

30. Is there anything you wish you could say to anyone? Yeah, I guess so.

[uncle-dusknoir]

Palm tree and mushroom! - @pokebiologisthal

🍄 [MUSHROOM] How likely are you to eat random berries/mushrooms they find?

...... fairly likely. tbh. i mean i live in the woods. there's some berry bushes out here. i'm just not good when judging when they're ripe or not

🌴 [PALM TREE] What are the stops on your dream cruise? What boat are they on?

hi. i don't like going on boats. they make me seasick lmao. i would rather just go to like... a normal ass resort or something.