#don't know where it's going or if it's going anywhere. I truly am just vibing with increasingly dubious historical accuracy.

[plutoasteroids]

PAC How Will Your Future Spouse View You

Pile 1 Pile 2 Pile 3

DISCLAIMER THIS IS A GENERAL READING TAKE WHAT RESONATES AND LEAVE WHAT DOESN'T.

Strictly for entertainment purposes.

PILE 1

So, before I get into the tarot bit of the reading the overall vibe I am getting is that you and your future spouse will be that couple that are still doing cute stuff together even in old age. You know those older couples you see on TikTok on dates still happy and very much in love, yeah like that. One word I can use to describe it is cozy, just very warm and affectionate basically feeling like this person is your home. It's going to be like 'I'd rather come home to you then be anywhere else'.

On to the tarot bit, Your FS sees you as someone very confident and optimistic (even if you don't see yourself that way). They see you as being positive and very wholesome. Again, before I pulled cards I channelled and I still got the warmth.

Oh my gosh, if any of you have read The Song of Achilles that's basically it. Before anyone points out to me they were a same sex couple .Yes, I know but I am talking about the relationship dynamic between Patroclus and Achilles.

You may have gone through a difficult time in your life and your future spouse will admire how strong and resilient you are, how you're able to adapt to challenges and changes in environment. You may be the type of person who is connected to both their divine feminine and masculine and they truly find that attractive.

They certainly view you as their other half and I know its cliche to say soulmate but that's all your future spouse is saying. You just give them so much happiness and emotional fulfilment.

'They are my home, my soulmate, my forever'

PILE 2

Ugh Pile 2 your spouse will literally worship you😩. Like you'll tell them your insecurities and they'll just sit there kissing every scar, mark, dimple anything you're insecure about they'll adore. If you're a female or a feminine reading this and you have thick thighs I heard them say 'Come here and crush my skull with those sexy thighs'. Whoever you are you have someone's poor child down horrendous for you.

I think they may be the type to just watch your social media whether you are getting to know each other, dating, engaged or married your social media pages, pictures and videos will always be on their phone screen and they won't go to sleep without listening to a little voice message you sent. Once they get attached baby there's absolutely no getting rid of them, I heard 'You'll have an easier time getting rid of bed bugs'.

When you meet them, they may be a party animal or a player.

Disclaimer it's not toxic obsession more like they will let you be your own person but at the end of the day they are yours and you are theirs, you are their spouse, and they are your spouse and they will forever put you on a pedestal not to the open where they will neglect themselves.

They see you as a prize (again not in a creepy way) You may have options when you meet this person but best believe they'll make sure to stand out and win you over. They see you as the best the world has to offer in terms of what a wife/husband/spouse should be. Your person may have had a few letdowns when it came to love and just know that they see you as a dream come true and again, I know that's very cliche but trust me when Isay they view having you as a spouse as their biggest accomplishment and they want you to know that they'll prove to you every day they are worthy to call themselves your spouse. They feel like you have gone through a period of depression and sadness, and they want you to know that they acknowledge it and they see you as strong every day.

The couple I channelled for you guys is Queen Charlotte and King George from Bridgerton.

PILE 3

First thing I heard 'Sugar Daddy'. This person will spoil you but love you even more. Yes, they may have money and give you gifts but this person truly does love you, care about you and respect you.

They may be older than you that's why people may think that they are your glucose guardian which is not technically wrong and not technically correct either. I feel like that will be a long term joke you two have about them being your sucrose supplier..

They will definitely view you as delicate, I want to say that they are the protective type but not protective to the point of you feeling suffocated by them. They want you to be comfortable and have what you like 'If my spouse wants that watch I'll get it for them'.

They will view you as fun loving, yet you have this air of power to you that they love. Sure, they view you as delicate and they want to protect you, but they also view you as strong and beyond capable of taking care of yourself and those around you basically your spouse is saying 'they want me, but they don't need me'. They know that you can walk away from them anytime and they like that you're always in your power no matter what.

Your spouse admires how you don't need them to feel whole or for financial gain they see you as a breath of fresh air, a change of pace, an adventure.

He may touch you a lot with your consent obviously, like a hand on your waist, shoulder or they may steal little quick kisses. Also, there may be a lot of friendly banter in the relationship.

The couple I channel for you guys is Fallon and Liam from Dynasty.

[laundrybiscuits]

(Continued from this snippet! Content notes: police interrogation, homophobia)

“You don’t look gay.” The detective gives Steve a very obvious once-over. Steve tries to look gayer as subtly as he can. 

“Sorry,” he says. “Guess I’ll have to let my boyfriend know you don’t think I look gay enough to fuck him.”

The detective’s face twists slightly, like he’s smelled something bad. “No need to be like that. I’m just saying, I bet a good-looking guy like you could get a girlfriend pretty easy.”

“You’re not my type,” says Steve. He smiles with his teeth, even though his heart is going fast and he can feel his palms starting to sweat. 

The detective’s hands tense, and Steve wonders if he’s about to get hit, but they relax again and the detective sits back.

“Just doing my job,” says the detective. “Because, funny enough, we asked around with all your little friends, and it seems like you used to be a bit of a ladies’ man.”

“Things change,” says Steve. 

“In fact…seems like none of your friends ever even saw you talk to Munson before. Moved in different circles and everything. I remember what high school was like.”

The detective leans close. 

“So why would the captain of the swim team, a nice normal boy from a good family with a string of pretty girlfriends, ever—ever—stick his neck out like this for some murdering scum like Munson? That’s what I’m trying to figure out, here.”

“Don’t fucking talk about him like that,” says Steve. His mouth is dry. His pulse is thundering in his ears. “He didn’t kill anyone. He was with me the whole time. He’s—he didn’t kill anyone.”

“Hm,” says the detective. 

It takes a while for them to stop interrogating him. They keep asking him the same questions over and over, trying to trip him up. He asks for water and doesn’t get it. In the back of his mind, a hysterical little voice is shrieking Scoops Ahoy! I work for Scoops Ahoy!, but he manages to keep it locked down. Doesn’t let himself get baited, just keeps repeating that Eddie was with him the whole time and neither of them know anything. 

It takes a while, but it’s over eventually.

When he leaves the station, Eddie’s standing outside with Hopper and Joyce Byers, wearing a shirt and jeans that definitely belonged to Jonathan at some point. Eddie’s got his hands tucked into his armpits, looking antsy and tense, but he’s free and standing on his own two feet. It’s a pretty big upgrade from when Steve last saw him about a week or two ago. 

It’s almost too easy to go straight over to him, wrapping him up in a tight hug like they’ve had their arms around each other a million times. 

“Oof. Easy there, tiger,” laughs Eddie. “I’m, uh, still a little fragile.”

“Sorry,” says Steve, and loosens his hold. He doesn’t let go all the way.

“Come on, boys,” says Joyce. “I’m taking you two home. Steve, Eddie’s been staying with us, but we’re a little short on spare beds and it’s not great for his recovery. We’re moving him to your place until we can figure out something better, okay?” 

———

Joyce drops them off and helps carry in a few garbage bags full of Eddie’s stuff. There’s not that much.

And then the door closes behind her, and Steve’s alone with Eddie for the first time since—actually, maybe ever. 

“So,” says Eddie. “What…the fuck, Harrington.”

“Is that an actual question?” Steve says. He rolls his shoulders, trying to get some of the stiffness out. “I mean, didn’t Hopper and Mrs. Byers explain everything to you?”

“Kind of? I mean, I still think this is probably the worst idea of all time, but they told me—anyway, what I meant just now was a much more personalized and individual what the fuck. As in, why the fuck would you agree to any of this? You know you’re never gonna get another girl in this town to look at you now.”

“Dumping me already? Ice cold, man.”

Eddie groans and actually throws his hands in the air in frustration. Steve hadn’t known people did that in real life. 

“Jesus christ.” Eddie wheels around and grabs two of the garbage bags. “I can’t do this right now, I need to take a fucking nap. We will be discussing this later.”

“Still don’t know what there is to discuss,” says Steve, but he picks up the last garbage bag and leads the way to the spare room. 

Eddie pitches forwards onto the bed, arms outstretched and face mashed into the pillow. “Fuck yes, I am going to marry this goddamn mattress. Hit the lights when you leave,” he says, slightly muffled. 

For a second, Steve finds himself stepping forward with a hand outstretched to—do something. He’s not sure what. Touch Eddie’s hair, or something dumb like that. His face warms. He’s really glad Eddie isn’t looking at him and doesn’t see how he’s kind of just standing there with a hand out for no reason. 

He turns around, flicking the light switch on his way out, and doesn’t look back.

[woso-dreamzzz]

Tesco

Leila Ouahabi x Reader

Connected to Uni Love II

Summary: How Leila got the bruise on her cheek

Leila's minding her own business as she wanders through her local Tesco. She's got one earphone in as she goes down the snack aisle. She's meant to be getting food for a little meetup at Deyna and her girlfriend's house but, as the only one out of the Man City girls going currently not injured, she can afford to be a little bit late.

Every Brit she meets says that there's something magical about Big Tesco but, honestly, she's not entirely sure she gets the appeal.

Deyna's girlfriend gave her a list to stick to but Leila's pretty sure that lists are just guidelines anywhere so she's going off vibes only as she crouches down in front of one of the fridges full of dessert.

She doesn't even realise what's happening until she's sprawled out on the floor with pain blooming on her cheekbone. Leila looks up in confusion to see a full trolley where she used to be crouching and the prettiest girl she's ever seen approaching.

"Oh my god! I'm so sorry! Are you okay?!"

Leila's still completely star-struck as you approach, your hands fluttering over to check her face.

"I didn't even notice you! God, I'm sorry. Can I do anything? Are you alright?"

Leila, in a moment of pure adrenaline, captures your hand in her own and kisses the back of it. "I am so okay." She's trying to be smooth (Deyna and Laia would laugh at her if they were here) and, thankfully, you seem to be flattered if the blush on your face is anything to go by.

"I feel terrible," You say," Can I buy your basket for you? As a sorry."

"If you buy my basket," Leila replies as you help her to her feet," Then can I have your number? I'd love to take you out."

You laugh and inwardly, Leila pumps her fist in victory. "Are you trying to pick me up? In a Tesco?"

Leila grins, even though the movement makes her cheek ache. "I've heard that Big Tesco was a magical place but I didn't know that it stocked such beautiful girls like you."

You laugh under your breath. "Oh my god. I hit you with my cart and you're trying to pick me up. I can't believe it."

"I'm Leila," She says with a wink," But you can call me your future girlfriend."

"Wow," You say," You're so forward. Is that because of the pain or just what you're usually like?" You take Leila's basket and put it in your trolley.

"Let me take you on a date and find out."

You grin at her. "I gave you quite a shiner. I hope that you don't hold that against me."

"Trust me," Leila says," I am very happy that you hit me with your trolley."

"It was an accident, truly."

Leila winks. "I wouldn't have minded it if wasn't."

You laugh. "Alright smooth talker. Do you need to get anything else or should we go and pay for it?"

"We can pay now," She says," But if you need longer to make your mind up about me then I'm happy to pretend to need more things."

"You're very charming," You reply, beginning the push your cart to the registers," I've already made my mind up about you." You fish out your phone. "I'm working for the next three days but I'm available at any time after six if you still want to go out."

Leila has to restrain herself from snatching your phone to type in her number so makes sure to take her time (but still ends up wearing a smile that betrays how excited she is).

You do the same with her phone, shyly handing it back. "You should probably go get some ice to put on your bruise. Is it far from your place?"

"My friend's girlfriend is a doctor," Leila confesses," I'm actually heading there now."

"Well," You say, feeling bold and giving her a goodbye kiss on the cheek," I hope she has ice for you. I'd hate for that pretty face of yours to be all black and blue during our date."

You waltz off and Leila stands frozen for several minutes as she watches your retreating figure.

Then, her phone chimes.

It's Deyna, asking where the hell she is.

[secret-engima]

I have tea and a soap box let's spill something shall we (Wakfu Rant)

*sips tea*

I've been in this fandom for like. A month? more? Depends on how long it took me to work through the show. I've not actually interacted with the *fandom* at all, just the canon stuff and my own spiralling insanity. But while I'm here I might as well make enemies /s. Therefore:

Oropo is a much more compelling character deserving of redemption than Qilby. Qilby:

Had a loving literal goddess mom and a bunch of loving siblings.

A beautiful planet and thriving culture he could go anywhere and do anything on

The capability of going into space without any technological aids once he got bored of the Eliatrope world and started to suffer the effects of his eidietic memory thing. We know for a fact that Eliatropes and their dragon sibs literally don't need so much as a helmet to vibe in space, they could have gone out there any time, explored the cosmos a bit, found cool things as souvenirs and brought them back to show off to his siblings.

While this is very clumsily and blatantly retconned in s4, in s2 Qilby is very open and blatant about the fact he willingly picked a fight with Orgonax with the INTENTION of forcing his entire people to flee their world into space just so he would have more company than Shinonome. An entire world and no doubt thousands of Eliatropes and who knows what pieces of their history and culture were lost because this man, and I remind you again that s2 Qilby taunts Yugo with this fact no matter how s4 woobified him, wanted to FORCE his people to join him in space rather than just let manning the fuck up and going out there with his sister on a buddy roadtrip.

Seems very convinced that some or all of his specimens in his lab are the last of their kinds, which at best means he intentionally targeted dying species on alien worlds to capture and put into jars for literal eternity which is all kinds of animal cruelty (assuming some of them aren't sentient!!) and at worst means he is the reason they are the last of their kind because Qilby wanted his souvenir to be Unique.

when his people finally found a new world to settle on and be happy and try to reclaim their culture, he instigated a SECOND GENOCIDE, this one taking out not only their home world but literally every. living. adult Eliatrope (and dragon considering the propensity for dragons to have Eliatrope twins as stated in s1). Literally thousands if not millions of people are dead, thousands of children are orphaned and left trapped in a realm where they cannot *grow up*, the vast majority of his own siblings are dead and oh look at that. He's stuck in sensory deprivation hell. Man. If only there was some course of action he could have taken that would not have led to him fighting his own siblings, losing his arm, and getting stuck in the white void of horribleness. Man this truly is a tragedy of fate. Definitely no way he could have gone back into space without the Zinit. Definitely could not have just hopped on Shinonome's back with a packed lunch and gone out there on his own knowing he would have a loving family to come back to whenever he got lonely. Man.

upon breaking out of the White Void Of Horrible he is even more mentally unstable (and yes I know he's mentally ill during the above events, that does not excuse his actions when he is aware enough of them to gloat about them to yugo later) and immediately decides that he's going to kill this entire world in order to leave and he's going to take his siblings and the few surviving eliatrope kids with him by force.

has ANYONE other than me noticed the incredibly dark and horrific implications of him apparently planning to kill Phaerys and Yugo (and Adamai likely). Yugo says he couldn't go through with it and I'll believe that, but the fact he apparently consciously PLANNED it. Am I the only one who saw that scene and went "if he kills them, then they go back to the dofus and hatch without any memories, which means he will be able to RAISE AND GROOM THEM in the Zinit to believe that whatever Qilby says is right and do whatever he wants, like galavant in space for eternity".

S4 can retcon as much as it likes to make the Orgonax thing an accident and Qilby a mama's boy (which I freely admit was funny and I would have enjoyed in any other villain), but going off s2 and moving into s3 I REALLY cannot see why people like him more and hate Oropo.

And even if we DO count s4's retcon that made the first incident an accident the SECOND WAS STILL DAMN WELL INTENTIONAL. And Qilby is still responsible for the death of thousands twiceover on top of the death of an entire culture. All of Eliatrope history, culture, science, medicine, *music*, *STORIES*, it's all gone save for whatever the Emrub kids happen to remember (and the kids will not remember it accurately because they are children). All their architecture is destroyed, all their native cuisine is GONE and so are the ingredients to make them. All because Qilby wanted to force them into space WHEN THEY DID NOT WANT TO GO and HE COULD HAVE GONE ON HIS OWN AT ANY POINT WITH SHINONOME.

Speaking of Oropo! Let's look at what we know about him for comparison!

Was created by accident and is intimately aware of it.

was thrown back in time and lived most if not all of his life perpetually terrified of changing history or accidentally erasing himself and his siblings

Not only saw all of his siblings die off over the years but had their energy absorb into him in something that is no doubt extremely traumatizing to undergo. if any of you have watched the Oropo-centric ova, man for a mastermind manipulator he sure do look like he wanna cry and throw up and curl in a little ball when two of his siblings die in front of him and he is forced to assimilate their life energy.

"Supposedly" staged several key villain creation events which I personally press x to doubt because it's so clunky when mixed in with s1 and s2 lore BUT if we graciously assume that he did then gee. can't possibly be a factor of the third bullet point and his terror of erasing the timeline with his own existence can it? Can't possibly be Oropo falling into Every Heroic Time Travel Trope Ever where the hero ensures a certain event happens in order to maintain the timeline in key points hm? Even if it's a bad idea?

Has been successfully and lovingly married? partnered? mated? to a badass half-dragon wife for literal centuries and every time they are on screen together before the Dramatic Amalia Bullshit they are loving and balanced and give off so many Old Married Vibes and then THEY RESUME that dynamic for the few seconds on screen they have before they both die.

Adopts and raises hundreds of orphaned demigods who apparently were more than happy to live in the Tower and follow him throughout their lives, and in fact show no sign of abuse or manipulation in their behavior until the finale when Anakam decides it's time for everyone to think Oropo is horrible

is actively DYING when we meet him and not just dying but faced with the prospect that there is no happy ending for him. He will never see his loved ones in the afterlife, he will never know peace, he will be assimilated by his creator Yugo and at *best* be essentially digested into raw wakfu and at *worst* be a ghost stuck in the head of a man he has extremely complicated and negative feelings about for the above time travel and sibling trauma.

Adamai EXPLICITLY MENTIONS THAT OROPO IN S3 IS ACTING OUT OF CHARACTER when he goes into his more Blatant Villain Moments. Which sure, could be "the mask" falling to reveal someone "oooo evil" but isn't it far more likely he's acting out of character because he's dying and having a crisis about it.

canonically hates violence, but was so desperate to ensure his loved ones would have a better world he was willing to resort to turning himself into a suicide bomber to "create a better world". Was this a good idea? no. but ppl apparently love to point out how Qilby is mentally unstable to justify his behavior soooooo like. Why is that excuse not applicable to the guy who's literally spent his entire life being uncertain he's even real and has a right to exist but is real enough to DIE and never see the people he loves again and therefor go off the rails in his attempts to make something better for them?

in s4, the same season that makes Qilby sympathetic so if you count that as canon then by gods you better count the Oropo moments as canon, Oropo gives Yugo a reprieve from the literal life sucking torture he's in, helps him get a new outfit, and lets Bouillon play fight him (because again, Oropo hates Doing Violence) to keep him distracted and SANE while his body is being horribly tortured. In the end Yugo even confirms they are real and a part of him which is literally all Oropo wanted in his dying speech if you rewatch the finale and boil down his fury to its bullet points (he is a clone without a future and literally says stuff along the lines of just wanting to be REAL and wanting Yugo to ACKNOWLEDGE him).

For a supposed mastermind villain who wanted Yugo dead Yugo sure does seem Super Duper Alive in the months/two years/whatever timeline Ankama is using this hot second since he created the clones and was therefore *no longer necessary* for Oropo to keep alive.

At the end of the day Qilby actively chose HIMSELF over the wellbeing of others and got multiple siblings killed as well as two worlds and an entire civilization/culture wiped out. OROPO set himself on a path of similar destruction and then ACTIVELY TURNED BACK because he was faced with the choice of his ambitions or HIS LOVED ONES and he PRIORITIZED THEIR LIVES OVER HIS OWN AND HIS OWN GOALS where as Qilby not only did not do that, he didn't do it TWICE. TWICE. Oropo's death count is miniscule and he chose to sacrifice himself rather than lose the people he was doing this for and Echo knew he would make that choice, which means she also knew his love of them was genuine. You cannot compare that to Qilby and tell me Qilby is in any way better.

Okay rant over I'm going back to planning my wakfu canon rewrite and my various Echo/Oropo oneshots thank you and good day.

[phantom-of-the-501st]

Episode 13 Thoughts

Spoilers for TBB Season 2

I very nearly spoiled myself for this episode because the clocks in America changed and it meant that this episode came out earlier than expected. Managed to scramble off Tumblr quickly enough this morning that I missed anything major. 😅

But let's get into my thoughts!

I forgot that Phee existed. How did I forget Phee existed??? 😭

Cute ceramic tree.

Love Phee teaching Omega how to bargain. 😂

Hunter grabbing the guys wrist when he tries to steal the credits. 🤣

Hunter's senses have had a little more attention this season and I love that. A lot of it is just for small moments but they're nice little additions that actually give us a chance to see how he uses his mutation.

Fun fact, centipedes can actually be venomous! Not so much to kill a person, but they can be carnivorous and use venom to catch prey. So these centipede-y things that they set after people are actually not too dissimilar from what we find on Earth! (Just more dangerous).

BAR FIGHT!!!

Where's Tech at? 🤔

Okay, Phee pushing herself off the table like that was very cool. 😄

OMEGA DROPPED A BELL (-shaped thing?) ON A GUY??? Well done. 🥰

Tech's just playing a game by himself???

"It is the only time this game is a challenge" TECH 😭

Phee's right, Omega needs more friends her own age.

Tech pointing out that they didn't have any. 😭 Tech, honey, I can't say clones are the most socially adept group of people and there's a reason for that.

OH FUCK OFF CID

I'm definitely concerned that she's gonna dob them in to the Empire. 😬

Pabu's pretty!!!

Looks like we were right about it being a safe place for the Batch to camp out.

Wrecker has my heart this entire episode. 😭

"You've got some competition" WRECKER OMG 😭🤣

After everything that happened last week, I needed this episode. It's so wholesome. 🥰

"I have not heard her laugh like that in some time" IT'S STILL GONNA MAKE ME CRY THOUGH 😭

ALSO MOON-YOS?! THAT NAME IS SO CUTE! 🥰

Hunter's dad vibes are strong this episode.

Wrecker being appreciative of different cultures is so sweet

Wrecker being full and Tech making a note of it. 🤣 Ffs, I love them all so much.

They weren't kidding. This episode is so pretty! 🩷

I'm not one for unnecessary romance but I gotta say that the whole thing going on between Phee and Tech is so wholesome. 😊

Is there some island monster that we don't know about???

Oh great. It's a tsunami. 😨

Avalanche last episode, tsunami this episode. WHAT'S WITH ALL THE NATURAL DISASTERS??? 😭

I love moments where we get to see the Batch help people without the need to shoot a place up.

Wrecker carrying Mr Eenta! 🤣

OMEGA! LYANA! RUN! RUN VERY VERY QUICKLY!!!

I was very concerned that something was going to happen to Shep for a second. 😭

All the lights from earlier compared to all the dark rubble...

These poor people are all refugees. They've already lost their home and now their safe place has been destroyed too.

And to be taken out by an uncontrollable force as well. It brings up the question of whether or not there is a place anywhere that is truly safe.

But I love how Sheb says that they are resilient. These people can keep on fighting, even after they've been through so much.

(Reminds me of a very specific cyborg, who I am missing very much at the moment 😭).

But after the defeats we've seen this season, I love that we have an episode that is so strongly grounded in hope. That even in the face of tragedy, they can keep on fighting.

And hope is a key concept in Star Wars which is why this episode works so well thematically.

Aaaaahhhh!!! So I really liked this episode. After the absolute misery that was The Outpost, I really enjoyed having a much more wholesome episode. Even though the middle wasn't particularly action heavy, there was some nice exploration of themes in Star Wars. It was super sweet and I loved it. 🥰

No doubt that there's gonna be "it's filler" comments but it really isn't! It's a deeper look into the Batch and stuff that's happening in parts of the galaxy that people don't think about. I love it for that.

And while I'm really not a fan of unnecessary romances, this thing going on between Tech and Phee is adorable. Even if it doesn't go anywhere, she's still helping him open up a bit and appreciate things in life from a slightly less analytical perspective. It's cute and I can't be mad about it. 🥰 (Although I will start having an issue if it starts getting in the way of the story but I think we're good for now).

Saying all of that, it's been another week without Echo. 😭 That man would've been in top form this episode as well. We know how he is when it comes to helping people. AND WE COULD'VE HAD WHOLESOME MOMENTS OF THAT MAN ACTUALLY GETTING TO RELAX FOR ONCE IN HIS LIFE! Hopefully they get to come back here and bring Echo along because he really needs a vacation.

But overall, solid episode! The animation was beautiful and the soundtrack was great as always. 🥰

[aedicula]

setting aside the valorization of genocide, thanksgiving is a better christmas than christmas (if one observes both). if you can replace valorization of genocide with Sociopolitical Awareness and Respect for Indigenous People and still hold thanskgiving in your heart (which no one is required to do), my argument in support:

as everyone knows, christmas itself is the worst part of the christmas season. by christmas at about 2 pm, the christmas joy has leached out of the world. even christmas enjoyers like christmas eve more than they like actual christmas because they really just like the idea of christmas. by christmas day at 2 pm, what are you really doing? looking at your presents? that's not even that good (see point 3 below). packing stuff up? ok! maybe have christmas meal? it's basically thanksgiving dinner with nothing to look forward to.

thanksgiving is situated so you can still enjoy a holiday vibe, music, foods, peppermint bark, etc. and it's still fairly new and novel in the scheme of the year. you are not sick of Holiday Season yet.

no pressure to RECEIVE gifts. this is more important than pressure to give gifts. receiving a mediocre gift is distressing because it lays bare that no one Truly Understands and Sees Me or Cares About My Interiority to where they can read my mind and anticipate i do not want truff hot sauce or cocktail infuser--and one thinks this should be clear to all so the fact it isn't...phew. so then one must feel guilty for someone else wasting their money.

no pressure to give gifts and thus spend money...a boon as i must go through the above anxieties with friends and family trying to determine if they have moved past colorful glassware and will now find it gauche, or if they already have a ravioli stamp, or if they don't have anywhere to hang a framed picture so now it's a burden on them, and if you mess up...it's over...they'll know you don't See them either

i am not the biggest fan of thanksgiving food but i love to make food, love to make a detailed plan and go to grocery store, am pretty good at it, and love to receive Praise for my food.

(important) most Office Job Havers get 3 days off for christmas, but pressures and expectations that it's CHRISTMAS and you'll have an awesome time, plus the practical reality that last-minute prep, christmas eve, travel (if necessary), cleaning your house for petsitter or guests (if necessary), tensions high...all of this means you cannot ENJOY the time. it does not feel like enough. many Office Job Havers get 3 days off for thanksgiving plus the weekend, but it's a trim half-day holiday with low expectations. that's 4.5 days you can use for CHILLING that do not need to be suffused with additional activities.

minor holiday in the grand scheme of things so if you don't like your family, many excuses available such as, "see you at christmas," "can't travel," "need to work," "going somewhere else." or you can do thanksgiving with family you don't like when tensions are less high while laying the foundation to not spend your christmas with them. there's a tactical move for all adult children for whom total estrangement would be more awesome than the status quo.

you can watch the dog show on tv and see the dogs. on black friday, you can go to the zoo if you want. it's not crowded at the zoo on black friday but they're probably open. and probably a lot of the animals need to be fed because there weren't many people on staff there yesterday. check it out.

[carnivoraformes]

@bishonenprince asked, "DYNAMICS and SHIP!"

𝐒𝐎  𝐘𝐎𝐔  𝐖𝐀𝐍𝐍𝐀  𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐓? || Status: Accepting

Dynamics

//Sigewinne & Wriothesley - I think we already discussed these two to absolute hell but it goes for stating again I love the idea of any possible relationship Sora could have with these two. Yah, know Wriothesley being a terrible influence and all and Sigewinne there to nag both of them when they do something stupid together. And naturally Wriothesley firmly believes that Sora has princess energy but in a good 'you are cute' way not in a 'you are irritating little brat' way.

Childe - they meet in the Fortress maybe. I don't know what would happen but it could be interesting because Childe would probably also get 'princess' vibes but more so in the way he assumes Sora can't take care of himself but not necessarily in a 'you are pathetic' way but more so he could respect Sora at least as a friend/not active threat if not hellishly boring because Childe is a fucking heathen.

Zhongli - Honestly Idk what we could do but there could be an interesting vibe there.

Xiao - I'm still laughing at the adopted bodyguard idea considering Xiao is over 3700 years old. And because he would feel guilty about being around Sora because he is a creature of violence and slaughter. Like he wouldn't call himself a bodyguard simply that they were in the same place and he would protect Sora if and whenever the need arose.

Yanqing - Honestly Yanqing thinks he is probably weird but there is so much we could do with that since he automatically likes Sora because Jing Yuan seems happy around him.

I'd offer Bosacius as a friend but there is no way in hell anyone is convincing Bosacius to be anywhere near a major city like Fontaine for various reasons that is a whole other tangent. God though it would be hilarious to have Xiao describe the Yaksha in detail but not quite getting to his siblings personalities and Sora just meets Bosacius when his head is in a good space and he is just obnoxiously outgoing. Because this man is so much like Itto but more mature and an actual (retired) military leader.

Ship

Where do you want me to start??? I already love basically every ship you have thrown at me. Like I still don't even know how you got me to fall in love with Aven and Sora. I was not expecting them to become a thing BUT HERE WE FREAKING ARE.

I also shocking am in love with Wriothesley and Sora. It hits my sweet spot of Wriothesley loving good kind people.

Literally you can do whatever you please with Xiao because I honestly ship him with kinder, gentler people or people that are the exact opposite of him because those are usually going to be the people that pull him out of his deeply held belief that all he amounts to is slaughter and sacrifice.

He is truly an awkward creature looking in and to actually join it would take someone strong willed to be there as both a safe haven and the person willing to kick him off the deep end when need be.

I could go on but this post is already long.

[letstalkwhump]

Let's Talk Whump No. 10

Welcome to Let’s Talk Whump, a series of interviews that spotlight the amazing people in our whump community. I’m Malice and I’ll be your host. 

Today we have @suspicious-pools-of-blood joining us to share his whump story!

Tell us a fact or two about yourself!

I'm a butch (he/him) and I enjoy rock climbing, leatherworking, and losing my entire goddamn mind over Xena: Warrior Princess. 

What does whump mean to you? 

To me it can range anywhere from a trope to a vibe involving some kind of hurt. I definitely consider angst to be whump.

How did you find the whump community? 

It was actually very straightforward; I was up one night and the word "whump" kept rattling around my brain, I'd probably seen it tagging a fanfic at some point, but I didn't know what it meant, so I looked it up and found a definition followed by the Tumblr community. Specifically, it was albino-whumpee's writing that came up, so I was introduced to whump and box boys and WRU all at once. I stayed up all night reading their stuff and then made a sideblog and dove in, dragging my OCs down with me. 

Do you think your views on whump has changed? Maybe the way you consume whump media?

This community was basically my first foray into reading original fiction online instead of just fanfic, and now that's definitely what I read most.

Favourite whump trope?

One of my favorite tropes is carewhumpers--not of the bad caretaker variety, but more whumpers who don't let whumpee have any caretaker but whumper themself. Relatedly, I like captor bonding (not sure if that's an actual term, but that's what I call it because the term Stockholm syndrome has a super gross history), as well as intimate whumpers, nsfwhump/noncon/dubcon, slavery, power imbalances, etc. Also a big fan of a whumpee who internalizes their hurt hard enough to become a whumper against a new whumpee, continuing the cycle of violence and abuse rather than the typical whumped-turned-whumper trope where the two characters just switch roles. I really like the mental/emotional side of whump, seeing how both whumper and whumpee feel about what's happening, why whumper does what they do, and how the whump changes both of them as people.

And your favourite piece you've written? 

Really hard to pick, but currently I'll have to go with Not You Too and its companion piece Wish . It's more angst than any physical whump, but it's an important piece for developing and understanding the psyche of my main character.

What's your writing style like? 

Oh man, calling myself out here on this one. Don't be like me, kids. Often times I find that not being sober helps me get over mental blocks that prevent me from getting the words onto the page. It depends on what I'm writing, but usually a couple bourbon old fashioneds or an edible get me into the mood to write, night time, lights off, candle lit on my desk, relevant OC or WIP playlist playing. I'm trying to get better about that though because needing to be intoxicated to write is not good. I try to write regularly but usually I just end up sitting in front of my Notion board for hours on end while procrastinating on work I should be doing.

Is there anything you struggle with writing?

Cisheterosexuality is fuckin impossible for me to write.  I have no experience with it so I'm profoundly confused when I have to write about it for plot reasons

Is there anything you're working on at the moment?

The current piece I'm working on is my main character's first time sleeping with another woman. I am, if nothing else, committed to realism in writing, so I did spend more time than I wanted to today remembering my own first time and cringing but hey, at least I got the vibe!

Do you have any writing advice?

Make some lil guys and rotate them in your mind; literally no one can stop you

Shout out time!

@winedark-whumpk-whump has some truly fantastic stories and was really encouraging when I was struggling with engagement and feeling self-conscious about my original content.

Anything you'd like to add? 

Thank you so much for this interview, this was lots of fun!

Thank you for joining us, @suspicious-pools-of-bloodod ! It was great to have you here!

And to all you folks at home, have a whump-derful day!

[prince-honeypaw]

Hello hello you shall never guess who it is <3

I am sneaking in the back window and infiltrating your inbox to request some regressor!Giran headcanons, if that is okay? Something something the broker is always there to take care of things for the League, but who takes care of the broker? They are breaking into his place to say hello Compress needs a new arm again after that last fight this one is busted, but it's hard to do business when you're baby...or you know, wherever you see fit to take it, you know what you're doing. Please, I've had naught but crumbs and am withering away without any good good Honey food of my boy! 🌙

♡ Anything for you, dear! I decided to do some basic headcanons since I've never really gotten to explore Giran as a regressor, so I hope this will sate you! Please enjoy!

♡ It's already difficult for villain aligned and older regressors to find time to go down, but try being both at the same time! Not only that, but Kagero's regression is a rather recent development in his life. Sure, he isn't totally in the dark about it, having experienced Dabi and Jin in their own drops, but it wasn't something he really saw for himself as he felt that it was just... Out of his age range. That he was too old for it.

♡ Little does he know that no one is immune to the all encompassing warmth of regression once it latches on, and the seeds had already been planted! From Ken gently explaining that she thought he was a regressor because he has such a fondness for cute, but tacky trinkets and the like, to Jin being insistent on only wanting to play with Kagero when he feels small, it's practically inevitable that regression starts to gently saturate his life.

♡ At first he only really grazed over a wobbly sort of middlespace on occasion, which was not ideal when he was out and about. Sometimes you're an adult with adult money that you can do with as you please and then the next minute you're in a Build-A-Bear using your adult credit card to pay for a Pawsome Pink Bunny named Tulip. This is not a one time thing, despite him wishing it was; He ends up coming home with pacifiers, bottles, hot pink leopard print blankets, more stuffed rabbits, plush slippers- Whatever that little voice in the back of his mind wants he typically ends up getting.

♡ It isn't until after the incident at Deika City that he really and truly regresses. No middling, no slipping, just a full and proper drop as soon as there's no more risks to his life to worry about. And he drops extremely low! Two or three at the highest and infancy at the lowest- Not what he expected, but it's the cards he was dealt. After losing five entire fingers, it's reasonable to assume that he doesn't want to be anywhere near the MLA for an extended period of time, so Jin and Himiko follow after to make sure that he's cared for! ... Despite their own wounds.

♡ But, honestly? He doesn't tell them not to. Kagero is in a new, small, and vulnerable mindset that is genuinely frightening to him! He's scared to be alone, so Jin won't let him be alone. And where Jin goes, Himiko follows! And she follows with direct access to the Detnerat CEO's bank account that will be used to spoil the baby. "Five figures for five fingers seems fair to me!" She'd said while one of Jin's clones stole Trumpet's van to take Kagero home.

♡ It doesn't take Jin and Himiko long to figure out what's up with their broker during that car ride. What with them both having their own experiences with regression, they peg him as a baby pretty quickly and adjust their attitudes accordingly! ... Somewhat. They try their best, but they're very high energy individuals that are hit by that new baby high! Poor thing still cries over the intense energy they bring to the table so they're quick to scramble over themselves to fix it.

♡ Turns out that Kagero is very much a vibes only sort of baby! If the vibes don't match with how he's feeling, the only solution is to cry about them. He's also a shapes and colors baby, sitting on his bedroom floor with Tulip clutched in his good hand, mesmerized by the tacky fabrics and textiles in his closet while Jin and Himiko try to hunt down pajamas that are appropriate for a baby. Toga opts to simply Purchase clothes, being pretty trigger-happy with the company card in her little gremlin claws.

♡ Kagero's place was a total wreck when they got there, but it didn't stay that way for long! Jin felt responsible for Kagero and the state he was in, he was the whole reason Jin had somewhere that he felt like he actually belonged! So, using his recently reawakened abilities, Jin made it his personal mission to fix (or steal) anything that had been broken. The bathroom, living room, and kitchen had been the first to be brought back to a livable condition, which meant that it was safe for Kagero to finally have a well deserved bath while Himiko skittered around his kitchen like some sort of creature.

♡ Trying to wash off roughly a week or so's worth of blood and grime off of an injured infant is not an easy task which is why it takes three clones and grilled cheese-NO crusts!-bribery to achieve a clean and fluffy Kagero.

♡ Himiko has spent roughly five hundred dollars on clothes alone for this boy and she refuses to explain how. She simply says that a baby needs cute clothes that make them feel cute or what's the gosh darn point of it all! She has also purchased a myriad of adorable bunny Calico Critters that gains an appreciative croon from Kagero!

♡ The night is spent with old Disney movies on the TV, grilled cheese, and online shopping in the pillow fort that Jin and Himiko made... After trying to beat each other to death with pillows.

♡ Kagero has no interest in joining as soon as his pacifier is broken out. He has no taste for bedding based warfare, but he does have a taste for chewing and gnawing and sucking whatever is in reach, so the pacifier was an absolute necessity.

♡ When they finally built their ramshackle little fort and peruse a few online stores, (with Toga purchasing anything that even got the slightest reaction from the baby), Himiko scrambles off to the kitchen to show what she had been doing. She'd managed to find the bottles that he'd hidden away in the back of his cabinets and used one of them to make strawberry milk!

♡ With how low he'd been kept throughout the night, there's little fuss from Kagero when she holds the bottle for him, the sharp little manicure she'd pampered herself with scratching against his scalp and Jin's sturdy body settled up against his side.

♡ He wonders how he ever came to earn such a devoted friend in Jin and, by association, Himiko, but in that moment, the world felt just a little bit safer and a little bit kinder.

[kimium]

Tell me, what has been your favourite part of writing the Twisted Wonderland Mafia AU so far?💜 (please feel free to list more than one favourite thing if you want to!)

Oh, thanks for this ask, friend! I love my little Twisted Wonderland Mafia AU! I'm more than happy to talk about it!

(The link to my story is HERE in case anyone wants to read it.)

My favourite things about my Twisted Wonderland Mafia AU

-Few characters know that Yuu is from another world

This element was the one I worried about the most, since where Yuu comes from truly affected the fanfic's set up. I've thought about this AU for a few months before sitting down to write it, and I flip flopped between canon Yuu (isekai'd to the world) and completely not canon (Yuu is just from the world). Ultimately, I'm very happy I picked the first option and decided to keep it a big secret. I am a huge fan of characters not from the world and hiding it from everyone (see: my love of the Awakening Trio in Fates).

-The story has Yuu/Everyone instead of my usual platonic route

I truly love writing platonic relationships, especially in Twisted Wonderland with Yuu, but I cannot tell you how excited I am that the characters can overtly flirt with Yuu. I have so many non-platonic head canons floating in my brain! Can't wait to share a few with everyone!

-Poly/Open Relationships

As someone who is a multi-shipper I find OT3 or even open relationships fun to write, mostly because I don't have to narrow my focus to one specific ship the entire time. Of course, I have some ships I'm firmly for (RookVil is my OTP), having freedom is my most valued part of creatively writing. I like how this fic makes me feel as though I can play looser with many story elements that I wouldn't do if I was writing canonically.

-World building/Festivals

From the first moment I created this story, I wanted it to be University AU. This meant I was less beholden to canon and free to set the stage anywhere I wished. This has allowed me to flesh out the world differently and add in my own ideas/concepts. I'm having a lot of fun with the festivals, which are numerous because I was thinking about how many festivals happen in Japan. Especially over the summer months.

-They're all Mafia

Despite how I don't have enough violent scenes as I'd like, I guarantee our boys are off doing shady things in order to "protect" their territory. I'm also very weak to the idea of Yuu befriending the most Powerful People in this world accidentally. It can also lend to the sexiest scenes as everyone is confident and aware they're both attractive and powerful. Poor Yuu, they haven't seen anything yet.

-Opportunity for Dramatic Reveals

My favourite trope of all time is a well written Dramatic Reveal of identity, either to the audience or to the characters. It doesn't matter. All I want is set up so I can knock down that dramatic reveal like a set of dominoes. This fic has allowed me that opportunity and I'm going to use it a little bit. I won't do it all the time as it has to depend on the tone I want for the story, but know it will happen.

-Yuu meeting Jade and Floyd

Before I wrote this fic I wrote a different version of the scene where Jade and Floyd meet Yuu. However, since that idea was set in a more canon universe (everyone knows Yuu is from another world, Yuu already knows them, etc.) I couldn't use it for this fic. Also, I deleted the file LOL. Anyways, I loved the vibe of that scene enough to recreate it! It's one of my favourite scenes because I had the strongest visual image in my mind.

Also as a small add on, I am in love with the scene of Floyd biting Yuu.

-Yuu meeting and befriending Malleus

I love Malleus so much. I was excited to follow similar elements from canon (Yuu meets him as a mysterious stranger, they befriend him, they find out later who he really is). I was also excited to have other characters know Yuu is basically a dimension hopping alien. It gave me freedom to have another character besides the teachers be a source Yuu can blatantly ask questions.

An add on: I had multiple ideas for how Malleus reveals is identity to Yuu. Shame I couldn't use all of them, but I like where I landed.

-Other people actually like this!!!

Anytime I plan an AU that I know is a little off the wall, a little skewed too far off the side, I think "Okay, this is going to be for me and maybe like two other people". Of course, I always write for myself but it's very flattering and wonderful to see others enjoy my ideas too. Really, I am so appreciative of everyone who has told me they enjoy this story though their kudos, comments, and bookmarks.

And there you have it! Thanks for this ask friend! I hope you like my answers! Let me know what you like? And maybe tell me what you're looking forward to in this AU?

[afreakingdork]

I was listening to my sad girl/boy time music playlist and remembered this song: Jar of hearts by Christina Perri. It might fit more in a "what if" scenario where Dondon is trying this fix things now that he realized his feelings and reader is having none of it. :3

I know I can't take one more step towards you Cause all that's waiting is regret. (Reader needs time away because they don't want more regrets and to keep chasing after someone that doesn't seem interested in them.)

Don't you know I'm not your ghost anymore. You lost the love I loved the most. (Reader has put work on getting over their feelings even though they were something they treasured.)

I learned to live half alive. Now you want me one more time. (Getting over someone you have feelings for leaves reader in a state of feeling "half alive" and feels upset now that Donnie is "trying to get them back".)

Who do you think you are? Runnin' 'round leaving scars. Collecting your jar of hearts. Tearing love apart. ("How dare you have the audacity to try to talk to me after everything that has happened between us?!")

You're gonna catch a cold From the ice inside your soul. So don't come back for me. Who do you think you are? (Maybe a bit harsh with how he is not in tune with his feelings and came off as "cold" when talking about reader's feelings but carries that incredulous/confused/angry vibe).

I hear you're asking all aroundbIf I am anywhere to be found, But I have grown too strong To ever fall back in your arms.("I know you're talking to others about how to make things right between us but it's not going to work!")

It took so long just to feel alright. Remember how to put back the light in my eyes. (Talking a bit more about the effort it took to get over Donnie and find a way to be "ok".)

I wish I had missed the first time that we kissed. 'Cause you broke all your promises. (More along the lines of an "almost kiss" but feeling regret that it happened because the status quo that they had was broken because of it.)

And now you're back. You don't get to get me back. (Donnie is reaching out to reader but reader does not want to risk making the same mistakes and getting hurt by him again.)

Who do you think you are? Who do you think you are? Who do you think you are? (Reader is in tears weakly hitting Donnie's plastron as they cry and their resistance is crumbling.)

Btw I got into angst because of CTM so I partly blame you for my search (and love) for angst. 👀

🐸

Truly a lovely analysis and you've basically written a fanfic to my fanfic which I adore! I sure hope other angst treats you kindly! Thank you, Froggy!

[msmargaretmurry]

hello my love! well my wips are causing me no end of grief - my main wip is stalled bc the various elements are not coming together in a way where they all speak to each other and it's killing me bc i KNOW this fic will be amazing if i can figure it out but i fully hit a wall (just asked our beloved lorna to read a draft out of desperation even tho it's so far out of her wheelhouse she might kill me); my less serious wip is in superhell bc i haven't ever written a time skip and don't know how to create a san jose sharks roster that covers the next 3-7 years that isn't just me creating a roster of ahl favorites and who it would be funniest to keep. like do i pull a you and just make up a bunch of rookies??? i'm strugglin' yo

to your other more important point, i don't do so good with remembering favorite lines. but in my current era as a connor mcdavid apologist, i have been thinking a lot abt your mcstrome wringer and the mcstrome soulmarks fic that only exists in me and maddy's inboxes...thinking a lot abt the tender images in those fics, but specifically the image of dylan kissing connor on the forehead when they win at worlds in tnno and dylan seeing the soulmark behind connor's ear. and how both those images are infused with so much emotion and how the fics are built around these images, either as a plot point of a moment or a very physical picture that has a whole history behind it. (i think a lot abt that line in your mattdrai fic that i still need to read the final draft of abt matthew taking a picture of his bruises, for purposes. which is a comedy line but also very much part of matthew's journey.) i think you are very good at creating anchor images in your fic that are part of the heartbeat of the story. it's one of my favorite things abt your fic, how well you build a story around a visual moment. (obvi you are great at emotions and setting and plot too!!! but one of my favorite things is how you're able to capture visually a plot point. and do it so gently too.)

i hope you are able to be kind to yourself today <3

kasper my love!! thank you for sharing your wip agonies with me, they sound very agonizing but i have faith that you will figure them out! for the first one, it is so frustrating when characters won't do what you want them to do. my very generalized unsolicited advice would be to try to figure out what motivation is missing for them to come together, or what motivation exists that is pulling them in different directions, and then hit them over the head with a rolled-up newspaper until they do what you want. i'm sure our lovely lorna will be able to provide much more helpful commentary though. for the second one, i DO highly recommend making up some gay ass rookies and just doing what you want, but also i love to speculate about future rosters so also feel free to ask if you want some help! ❤️

regarding my own monstrous fanfictions, thank you, i truly love this analysis of visual moments in the oeuvre of yourblues. i don't know what it is about it but the people LOVE the forehead kiss picture in tnno, which makes me very happy. i think a thing here is that i don't really visualize whole scenes when i write, it is much more like "what details do i need to provide to convey the correct vibes here" so when i have An Image in mind i do really want it to stand out! (i am going to be honest with u i haven't read the soulmarks one since i emailed it but..... maybe i will dig it up for my agonies) (also the ratnovel is not going anywhere, i have faith you will come for it when you are ready) anyway i maintain that connor mcdavid is a great guy for putting through the horrors, because he has already been through so many horrors and he is so inured to them on a day to day basis (i am thinking now of that post that's like "why are the horrors calling you babygirl") that you gotta REALLY commit to introducing new horrors into his ecosystem if you wanna break him down. and u know i love to break a man down!!!

ilysm 💙💙

[compassionatereminders]

hi Kat I've been following your blog for about a year now and reading your blog helps me so much in small and significant ways! you don't have to respond to this but I had a bit of a revelation/world of thoughts unleashed and I don't really have anywhere to go with this? thanks for lending an ear

I watched a psychologist talk about how narcissists make a big deal out of their birthdays. For the last few years I've really come to dread my birthdays, mostly because I felt so awful about receiving any kind of attention on my birthday and I didn't know why. at best, I concluded that it was because I had a lot of bad birthdays, but even then...I didn't know why my anxieties seemed so severe.

I think if my narcissism about my anxieties on getting validation on my birthday went unchecked I would have turned into one of those people who can never be pleased and constantly just setting myself up to have "ruined" birthdays. I felt really awful about feeling disappointed or upset on my birthdays so I specifically asked my friends not to make a big deal out of my birthday during my last couple of birthdays.

I believe now that it's because I grew up with a narcissist who would go out of their way to make me feel bad on my "special" day. Consciously or not, they likely felt a need to ruin a moment that wasn't centered around them and because I was around them so much they'd constantly fill my head with negative thoughts on my birthdays. I think I would have to literally get away from people on my birthday to not feel triggered because there's an ongoing "joke" that my parents always forgot the date of my birthday and for the first 5 or so years of my life I was celebrating my birthday on the wrong date (my parents are narcissists too). The narcissist in my life always brings it up on my birthday and uses it as an opportunity to walk down memory lane on how awful my parents were, and for my birthday I don't need that. I understand this is still something I have to work on (yay, time to get with my therapist about this!), but I feel better that I was right to suspect that my anxieties over a seemingly simple birthday stemmed from something not right.

I was tired of getting upset that people just wanted to tell me "happy birthday", but I understand it comes from a childhood of every birthday having been spoilt and so I expect all my birthdays to be like that. I know now that the narcissist will likely continue to try to ruin my birthdays so I just have to remember not to feed into their BS and simply go on with my birthday. I also don't need to spend my birthdays thinking about the bad ones. Hopefully, for my next birthday I will manage it better. And seriously, I don't like to fret over my birthdays but I am seeing where the anxieties stem from and it feels like I can actually see it with much more relaxed vibes

I'm so sorry that you've been surrounded by people who don't value and respect you like you deserve to be valued and respected, but I'm gonna have to question your use of the term narcissist. Narcissistic isn't just another term for abusive or toxic or self centered. Narcissistic Personality Disorder is an actual clinical diagnosis which actual people suffer from. And every time you call a shitty person a narcissist, you're strengthening an association between abuse and mental illness which isn't actually there. People with NPD usually developed NPD as a result of trauma and neglect, and it truly isn't fair to group them in with every shitty individual you come across. So the next time you wanna vent to me about the people who hurt you, please just call them abusers or assholes or any other term which doesn't further stigmatize an already stigmatized mental illness.

[xzho-writes]

TENTENNNNN okoks I'll ramble abt my faves first and then send in other fluff later if I can think of anything HIHI

you already pretty much know why and how I started loving sir tartagalicious but!!! one of the things that helped me out the most was imagining him pushing my wheelchair around. a lot of the time it was really bumpy and painful to go anywhere but then I think he'd have taken care to wheel me places without causing too much pain <3 there were a lot of days where I felt very miserable and helpless, but he always managed to make it brighter! he and genshin in general gave me something to look forward in those times ( ´ ▽ ` )ﾉ

HEIHEI MY BELOVED! idk man he just radiates comforting vibes, this lil defender of justice and protector of dreams. every voiceline he has feels warm and inviting and so ahsgshshdhfhd for an introvert like me,,, and even if he has troubles he doesn't allow it to hold him back from what he wants to do!!!! which is so so so SO cool in my eyes :(((

one thing I love abt scara's lore is that it perfectly, PERFECTLY describes what it is like to live with a reforged heart. I don't have enough words to describe it but every!!!! single!!!!! detail!!!!!! the endless search for your own identity as you try to understand your own emotions and be a good puppet!!!!!! the emptiness once you achieve your goal because you realised it was never yours in the first place!!!! and finally, the pain and agony that comes when a broken heart finally begins to heal, only to be followed by the peace of knowing that you will soon be whole again.... don't make me repeat this but your honour I love him so much and I can't wait for him

ANNIE DEAREST!!!

tartannie will always be my truest ship for that very reason! he was there during your most trying times, and i feel like he truly would’ve taken such good care of you :( despite being such a brute on the battlefield he definitely seems like the type to be gentle around those he cares about (coff coff you and his sibs). i am very biased but rightfully so he will always be the true route in my heart HAJDJWJJF

and heizou really does radiate soothing and comforting vibes. i feel like his eng va really sets the feeling in stone i’m so whipped for his eng voice, it’s so smooth and suave 😭😭 i also feel like he’s one of the more realistic genshin people in the way that i can actually imagine myself meeting someone like him irl

i know i’m not a massive scara fan but i know when to appreciate good writing when i see it. his lore is very in depth and i feel like the writers did him really well. it’s very angsty but it shows how good the writers in hoyo’s team are. it’s also pretty neat to have a character you really relate to since it brings a whole LOAD of other feelings out

[incarnateirony]

You know, the phrasing make any contact is so funny post-consultation, hence wanting to make a spoopy magician joke at the time but passing on it, but it's like. Yeah man. So you're saying as long as nothing I do is directly addressing her, like a "hey (person)" post, like specifically the heyyyyyyy hey hey hey once we got into war mode... because truly, she had begun a war... then it is what it is.

This is my personal blog. The entire point is making no effort to contact her until recently calling her out and getting very direct when she pretended not to understand the consequences of her actions, but those consequences are like... done. Ish. Like they are doneing themselves. My work, my wrath, my rage, all of it. It quite literally went into the sun. I have burned my dread, and it will continue to burn.

I'm thinking back to the courtroom and the bailiff is like, this judge is very old school. And we whisper chatted a bit. So she was real to the point until they tried to pull that paper out about "posts from this morning" and this judge was dead ass like. what am i looking at. who's talking. who are all these people. Huh. And because I'm not assed to fight this case, which we could have today and I'd have demolished, it just. Whatever. Will you stay away from person. Judge I've literally never been in this town until today and left this woman three years ago. I'll sign wtfever. But it's not worth the hours, that'd just be a pride thing today, and you know, crucified ego and all of that. I didn't have time to counterfile, and I'd rather set this up on my own terms now that I have a means of serving her when I feel up to it.

Sipping on this caramel frappe. Listening to the moon dragon alchemy vibes. Today is such a good day. And yet it feels more like a checkpoint than the end. I want it to feel like the end, but no. No, if I let her get away with this, she'll come back to harass me in the next escalated form in three months. And again, and again, because she never goes away, she just gets... more. Idk. Idk man. This is ridiculous. No, she gets away with it this time... she just comes back anyway. The peace is fake. I will not be allowed peace. Her actual goal whether she faces it or not is to drive me off this planet, which is why she will spend months trying to break into places she doesn't even go to do harm. I am the reality blocking a schizophrenic narrative, I am the kink in a fantasy gear, the fact that I am real but not there has literally driven her mad. Projections and shadows and excuses rule. I am not allowed anywhere to exist or be safe without her and hers invading it. She just didn't like it when the literal mirror actually turned to face her this time. In 2 months she cracked more than I did in 3 years. And even then, it was all contained on my blog, a place that must be navigated to. Whereas for me no fandom, no social, no discord has been safe from them. They will literally dedicate their lives to coming after me. Six months, man.

It's just. Bittersweet. One of those, it didn't have to be like this, but it is, and I guess will be. She has no intention of changing her ways, or repenting or apologizing. She will most absolutely already be planning her next cynical attack on me since this one didn't work really. I don't know. It's... I don't know why Mark lets her do this to herself, honestly. Maybe it's some petty revenge from him I can't place. I don't know.

I repeat, this is a journal. Me having a personal space in which I write out my thoughts is not an attempt at communication with anyone, especially minding the contents. I just want a space where I can be left alone and just Be. That shouldn't be so fucking ridiculous to have asked for.

I literally said at the start, this is my personal journal. It is, if you will, a shadow bloc, similar to the one that was stolen from me for ill use if in a different phase. I process horrible shit all day long at my job to save real lives, and having a dump space I can type out on the side whatever I need is literally an active form of psychotherapy and grounding I use. I work through their darkness and then find ways to work through it and my own responses to any of it. Someone just... picked a fight with a digital era magus in their liminal spaces. Sigh.

[lays on the floor]

and who is this song for

[requitals]

#requitals, a multimuse by k (25, she/they). private & selective. very low activity—basically when i feel like it, let's be honest.

rules-wise, just don't be weird about it. this is not my most active blog and will never be.

muse list below the cut. subject to change etc. etc. i've asterisked the ones that are rattling around in my brain especially quickly at this moment in time (10/25/23).

films

john constantine / constantine (2005) - bastard first, exorcist second. more or less doomed depending on how you look at it. vague with timeline. *brendan frye / brick (2005) - grimy noir detective in modern day and very sunny san clemente, california. generally set a few years post-movie at minimum where he's grown up and has not gotten better. *bruce wayne / the batman (2022), batman: unburied, several comics of my specific choice - the prince of gotham and the bat. generally played later in his life, in his thirties or forties, where he's figured it out but still has a plethora of psychological issues. chani / dune films + book inspo (2021 -) - you know, i love when we make chani into a real character. anyway arrakis is Her planet actually and she did turn away from that holy war. also, she has every right to be blowing up the spice harvesters actually. irulan corrino / dune films + book inspo (2021 -) - i'm still sort of spinning around everything with her but by god do i need her devious little brain. and her willpower on things. she's not a good bene gesserit but she is an excellent political figure.

television

number five / the umbrella academy (2019-), canon divergent - ex-temporal assassin turned grumpy teleporting world saver. not really interested in the show's time looping thing. way more interested in revenge. *charlie cale / poker face (2023 -) - basically girl columbo but not a cop. blue collar detective extraordinaire. can be set basically anywhere with how far she travels. *dominique dipierro / mr. robot (2015-2019) - miserable lonely fbi agent, socially incapable, completely consumed by her work (unless she's not). generally set post-canon, but i can play around with this.

games

harry dubois / disco elysium (2019) - pile of neuroses and complexes in the shape of a man. irrepressible miracle. tequila sunset. i can play around and put this whenever. kim kitsuragi / disco elysium (2019) - most straight-laced lieutenant in revachol. extremely uncool unless he is standing next to harry dubois, at which point he becomes the coolest guy in the area. whenever in canon. *james savage / el paso, elsewhere (2023) - monster hunter turned vampire all because of a toxic ex. noir protagonist. recovering addict. full of the troubles. generally post-game, but you can play around whenever. *saga anderson / alan wake 2 (2023) - fbi agent caught in alan wake's horror story. descended from the old gods of asgard (both band and deity). has seer abilities and a steady hand with a gun. canon is... interesting here. we'd have to talk about it. karlach cliffgate / baldur's gate 3 (2023) - tiefling barbarian with an infernal engine in her chest that's going to erupt. fundamentally good person cursed by the narrative. literally deserves all the anger in the world, actually, even if letting herself feel it is dangerous.

novels

jade daniels / my heart is a chainsaw (2019-) - final girl who doesn't think she's a final girl. horror movie buff. recovering from a truly horrific childhood, as much as one can. we can play around with timeline on this.

podcasts

mabel martin / mabel (2018-) - girl on fire, girl with flowers growing out of her, not a girl at all but a mouth of many teeth. do not ask me about mabel podcast canon timeline. david ward / i am in eskew (2018-) - pathetic lonely cringefail history major who got trapped in a horrific city that fell in love with his pathetic vibes. might be a ghost. has a nightmarish reflection. probably post-canon unless your guy wants to end up in the city of eskew (not recommended for health and wellbeing).