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His eyes scanned the horizon, making sure he was on track to get home, but then his legs faltered as he saw something in the distance, between the many aspen and evergreens. A small splash of color amongst white and faded jade. He slipped, exclaiming as he tumbled down the slope, as shallow as it had been. The man groaned, and lifted himself slowly while dusting off the snow now stuck to him from the rolling.
“Are you…Alright?”
The man’s head shot up and met with another pair of eyes- like fields of ice, but soft. He’d never seen such eyes. “I…y…yeah, wait,” He shook his head and stood up, now noticing the ethereal man kneeling beside a frozen spring, thin, ivory digits stained pink from the cold and held calmly in his lap. This man…who was he? Why was he out here?
“Uh…What are you doing out here? It’s freezing.” The ethereal figure quietly looked back to the stream, eyes somehow…speaking a thousand words, but none that the other could recognize.
“Waiting…”
OK. I decided to bite the bullet and post this.
These are character designs for an original cultivation story (would be BL btw, i realize i forgot to write the genders on the sheets) and i was kind of nervous to post them for some reason so i've had them for a while now (as you can see at the end of 2022)
But i love the characters obv, and since i didn't draw today again due to trying to get some posts prepped for the future, i thought...what better time to share these than now?
um well, i hope you like the concepts? i don't really have a summary for the book yet. since its an original though i wanted to do a lot more research into cultivation before i began actually writing again (i have some bits and bobs but they need to be redone probably) uh, basically the premise is though that Wyn (chestnut hair) is disguised as a woman for an arranged marriage but then the husband he marries, when he lifts the veil, is very happy abt it and they end up having a happy life- for however long that lasts. something happens and he dies (he's already dead at the start of 1 this aint a spoil lol) and so we begin 50 years later where every day he waits at the spot his husband was supposed to meet him no matter the weather, and he meets a rogue cultivator who likes to go by Aspen. Ensue hijinks lol
Drawings that didn't make the cut [or you know, first scribbles/thoughts] are under the read more line.
honestly tho idk the rules of cultivation stories which is holding me back, i'm so interested in cultivation now but i have read 2 danmei and thats it rn
so i'm clearly lacking the needed experience sadlfhasdg-- anyway...
#im rly sleepy hope i didn't miss something again#original story#The Only One I Could Ever Love#TOOICEL#that is a mouthful of a title ik#cultivation#immortals#original#original character#ummmmnot a lot to tag since its original stuff#tbh i'm not good with chinese#at all#so these names could be translated wrong#Wyn is not a chinese name i know that part#uhhhh#well#thats it ig#dont tear me apart too much
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// tw abuse rant (nothing angry just moreso exasperated)
i'm going to admit that while i'm enthusiastic for the pristine cut, i'm also a little concerned canon will politely dismiss the tower's abusive elements, and if that happens then i might?? scream????
#watching the livestream and the devs dismiss people's reasons for disliking tower as being cowards again#and yeah i do think there's a real discussion to be had with how men react so violently to her!#but at the same time it's like. she literally takes away your ability to consent#forcing someone into a relationship with you while threatening them with death if they say no is like. bad actually#and it makes me wanna tear my hair out wondering if IM the weird one who doesn't know what abuse is#but like no i dont think broken “deserves" to harm himself because he expresses attraction to his murderer#and i don't like... hate tower for killing us when we tried to kill her. she has every right to murder us again#but every other princess was almost killed too. except their forced relationship with us is out of a sheer desperation to escape the cabin#tower actively makes the choice to harm us continously and demean us when we don't fit exactly into her expectations#which is good! its interesting! i like that! but if that isn't actually explored in any meaningful way#and is instead apart of a string of “love stories” and treated as hashtag girlbossification then#well it makes my tummy hurt vv much#♡. txt#tw abuse mention
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Every description about Nico (especially the canon ones) describing him as “cold” can personally fight me. Nico is jaded, yes, and often closed-off and sometimes stand-offish and defensive but he is not "cold”. He cares SO SO SO MUCH about EVERYONE. He loves and cares with his entire heart constantly and that is a core part of his character. He doesn’t often make public shows of his affection but he takes care to be kind when it matters and doesn’t hide that he does care (usually, the only exception really being him being in the closet, but even then he only hid his crush specifically and not the fact that Percy is important to him). He fine with hugging his friends in front of a crowd and will sit with strangers at a campfire just so they’re not alone. I mean, heck, he’s an extrovert! We know this! He actively seeks out people and gets lonely very quickly and easily! If he can’t talk to living people he will chat with the dead! That’s how much he thrives on being social!
The only time Nico has ever been actively “cold” was the couple of months between TTC and BoTL when he was actively mourning Bianca. Nico is not “cold.” He loves so much and he does show it, just in his own way.
#pjo#riordanverse#nico di angelo#analysis#brought to you by: I saw a blurb for TSATS that said something like ''Will melted through Nico's icy heart/cold exterior''#and it made me want to tear something apart with my teeth because of how Blatantly Incorrect that is#like that is a disservice to both their characters.#a.) Will did not ''fix'' Nico or ''change'' him or anything. He is just a source of joy in Nico's life#TOA even explicitly acknowledges that them dating did not ''fix'' Nico and that Nico is actively getting outside help for his trauma/etc#and b.) Nico is not cold!!! He has never been a cold person!!! there's a reason ''emo'' is short for ''emotional!''#Nico's character is ENTIRELY DRIVEN BY LOVE AND CARE FOR OTHER PEOPLE#yes he's jaded but he's only jaded in a way of being afraid of letting people into his life because he's afraid to lose them#not that it stops him because it sure does keep happening anyways because SURPRISE. HE LOVES TOO MUCH.#HE LITERALLY CANNOT HELP HIMSELF HE LOVES PEOPLE SO STRONGLY AND SO DEEPLY HE CANNOT STAY JADED ABOUT IT#he just keeps going ''Okay *THIS* time I won't let this person into my life to risk heartbreak- AW FUCK I'VE DONE IT AGAIN''#SO MUCH of his character is entirely driven by ''I care about people. I dont want them to suffer what i have suffered or suffer at all''#like really the only times we ever see Nico being actively angry/snappy at people#is like a.) He is either actively being majorly hurt or has just recently been majorly hurt (Bianca's death. Being outed. etc)#b.) Someone is hurting others is going to bring harm to others (Calling out his dad in TLO. Killing Bryce)#or c.) Someone is doubting or calling into question his lived experiences (Basically any scene where people say he's pushing people away)#other than that Nico actually tends to give people way more lenience than necessary. he will put up with a LOT#and he won't even call people out on it or hold a grudge about it (i see you alleged Nico's fatal flaw. you're wrong)#unless it's like. something A Lot Of People Do Often (ex: push him away/exclude him/etc)#at which point he might be like. mildly upset about it but not much more then that. which is just a normal measured response.#anyways Nico's not cold he's just autistic
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Unless I'm just really bad at searching it there is a surprising lack of guro fanart in the DST fandom, even though the tone of the game makes it perfect for it. I'm not good at drawing wounds and pus and viscera and whatnot unfortunately, everytime I've tried to draw gore it looked more like a child scribbled all over a drawing with a red pencil and called it a day- but I'm still gonna try my best to draw some bc I can't be the only one who craves seeing her faves covered in their own filth 🙏
#if you guys can refer me to any good artists that would make me happy...#i usually dont care for gore much but DST is just perfect for it#so many ways you could do it too lol#the survivors are flesh dolls more than anything. you can tear them apart in so many ways and they come back brand new
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the 'in minecraft' thing was always too obvious but i think we could get away with bringing it back as 'in the sims'. bc simmers really are just doing all of that.
#one time i DID download the supreme court off the gallery and made a serial killer tear the household apart.#there was so much drama and intrigue. and violent murder of conservative authorities.#and also it was cathartic i can't pretend it wasn't.#avpost#don't blame me for doing it. blame the person who put them on the gallery KNOWING the extreme violence mod was out there.#anyway idk what people are doing in minecraft i dont play but maybe they do all that stuff too idk.
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im breaking my silence hes ugly asf on the inside and the outside goodnight
#reminder: very much satire#feel differently?? thats just fine bro!!#honestly to me what was an immediate 'oh.. oh i dont like you.' is when he told gwen to go back home despite#the fact shes a teenager being hunted down by the police and may be homeless because of what happened#all those other threats too#oh and also when he was freaking screaming at miles#if it isnt clear who im talking about:#miguel o'hara#spiderman 2099#across the spiderverse#miguel spiderverse#atsv miguel#i want that man gone#his backstory's sad but tell me what justifies him traumatizing children#not to mind you can miles even be faulted for being an anomaly?#the dude was bitten by a spider that ALCHEMAX brought#if miguel should be trying to tear ANYTYHING apart its them#did miles ask to be bitten?? NO!!#okay now i need to take my opinion and run far away#i will be slaughtered#burnt on the stake
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i really dont know how to write an utterly harmless opinion, ultimately irrelevant complaint or comment on an observation without someone getting pissy at me for it
#ganondoodles talks#how many times does one need to try and clarify that i dont mean it accusatory#yes yes i know tumblr and twitter are barely comparable#i have been here for twice as long as on twitter#im not being bitchy about getting less notes on my art here than twitter#im used to it#i meant to highlight that one EXTREME difference in attention that on post got and how weird ifeel about it#twitter is much more explosive like that#and no im not used to that on twitter either#like i SAID in that post#on twitter my art rarely if ever gets over 1k notes combined unkess i got lucky and a giant account rtd it#which in 99% of cases wont happen bc i draw mostly oc or very niche fanart#it just feels WEIRD#especially when the clown baby man himself is tearing twitter apart over and over#posts not getting super popular can be a good thing too#the amount of mind boggling stupid comments i got on twitter on my edit alone is enough for me to know that#im surprised the gan art has been nearly 100% positive in feeback#my point is that its WEIRD to watch the same art explode on one and do normal on the other site#i love tumblr!!#i dont care about numbers that much!!#im not gonna leave this site for twitter#ESPECIALLY BC NONE OF MY POSTS DO THAT WELL THERE EITHER#what kind of fool would i have to be to care that much about numbers id leave the only other site im on#for one that isnt much different just has more explosive potential yet still is way past its best before date#and each time you wake up you wonder how much more moldy it can grow before being thrown out#bc one post got popular once
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Actually cry so goddamn hard when I think about Shinjiro Aragaki healing and being loved and having to learn to be okay with himself and being taken care of
#writing him has just been like. OOOOWOEOEOEOOE i piss tears i cant handle this shit this gay ass shit#i came up with an idea for just like a cute short one shot i wanna do soon and hnnnghh im so emo about it#very healing its like very hard to write some of the shit im gonna be writing cuz basically#some of it is just a little too real man and while i crave the angst and the drama i am just like#AND THEN EVERYONE HOLDS HANDS AND ITS OKAY PLEASE DONT CRY PLEASE#and ive mentioned how shinji has accidentally become nb to me now because i just kinda happened to write him that way without meaning to#and now another thing im noticing is that in my fic hes kinda bpd coded#it definitely wasnt intentional but now im accepting it as truth no one can stop me#i just really need him to be happy its more important to me than anything else man i need it for me#and he needs to be gay with aki they need to kissy and i think its funny cuz even in the parts where shinji is mad at aki and pushing him#away its like. he kinda has it bad lol and its clear he feels no actual hatred towards aki but more just self deprecation because he doesnt#feel good enough and like idk i just think about their respective roles in society like#aki is an honor student star boxer hero very attractive very kind very popular got adopted by a rich family#hes going places you know meanwhile shinji is a drop out who never had a family ever hes homeless hes sketchy hes on drugs#his reputation couldnt be any worse and he just leans into it and feels he has no future and hes worthless garbage#and aki could literally have anyone he wants you know he has an army of girls pining over him but he doesnt want them#HE WANTS SHINJI AND NO ONE ELSE HE SPENDS YEARS CHASING AFTER HIM#and shinji HATES it hes trying so hard to push him away and be the crusty delinquent and make aki see how worthless he really is#but aki just doesnt stop he loves him so much makes me sick SICK#and shinji really loves him back hes like not gonna shut up ever about aki hes like either doing it in a gay ass annoyed way#or hes like ‘haha omg aki is so cute though hes always trying so hard to be tough but hes just so sweet and gentle you know i hope he#doesnt push himself too hard if he got hurt id fall apart hes so silly i hope hes eating good i desire him carnally’#yeah sorry gamers this is just a pairing i cant be normal about they mean so much to me personally the fate of the world rests upon them
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i hope i die, you broke my heart
#personal#so fucking tired oh my god#just yelled at my sister so loud that my throat is sore over a piece of fuciing plastic#sometimes ecerytbinf feels so bad and its like. what do i even do#like ok i relapse and i need a break from someone and they loose their fucking shit on me#taljing about how you always deal with my shit and youre tired of how i see you as the worst in the group#as if i didnt literally repeat to you over and over again that i love you and that i always will even when you kept denying it#all of the times youve left all the servers and the gc and all that and i was there to comfort you#theres a reason im always the person you go to#byt yeah . im neverrrr there for you#like is it just that im not there for you in the Same Way that youre there forme ??#does it need to be completely equal to be fair#and idk. i know hes struggling too but its so fucking stupid because ive been struggling for months and i dont treat u like tjat#im tired of feeling like i have to do two times more than everyone else ro be worthy of their love#like sorry man but im fucking sick and tired#i know ill be fine without you but like youre so sick right now that i dont know what youll do without all of us#idk im just like. you used to be so kind but now youre writing your name in mu blood#and sometimes i feel bad because i didnt mean evedytbinf i said to you but lets be honest#you didnt mean everyrbinf you said either#and i dont know if you were ever the right person because a lot of the time i think we are just two chemicals that werent meant to mix#but ill always remember you when i hear that one song and im making it sound like this is some kind if goodbye but it Really isnt#but like there was a time when i would tear myself apart for you. mot even because i liked you that much#i guess i just wanted someone that liked me as much as you did???#and when j say that it isnt even about one soecific oerson. its an amalgamation of ecery person tgat has ever loved me#a little more than they were supposed to#i think i hate ahen people love me Too Much because i dont want to be adored like that it scares me#iknow what thats like and i dont want to be someone fp Its so scary#okay if im being honest i dont know whbat the fuck im saying right mow#byt like. idk. im tired and i think im done. tbh#💭
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thinking about how on atbb i finally started saying “you’re allowed to be mean to the characters. Please be mean to the characters” and was delighted to see cyberbullies in my inbox like the next day
#trousled rambles#i see a mean message in my inbox on this blog and its an instant block i see one in atbb's inbox and i start cackling#i can get so much more out of a message tearing a character apart than the 4th ask about how their day was or what the blog's about#honestly at this point as much as i still love it idk if i actually want to go back to atbb anymore. but i always love looking back on it <3#if i do get back to it i will be on my knees like Please Call Out Their Bullshit I Am Begging You STOP JUST ASKING HOW THEIR DAY IS GOING#haha that definitely wasnt another contributing factor to me putting it on hiatus what are you talking about#fuck this was too negative oops. but i dont wanna tag every post i ever make with delete later. its there in spirit idk
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I've always had this thing where I don't like to tell people what I will do or what I want to do. I don't feel like verbally saying sorry is good enough when I say it. I want to either be able to show it in action or else whatever my word would be means nothing.. so I keep quiet more often than not about anything. However, I think that it's important to know that many things actually need to be talked about. That is part of the action. You shouldn't feel like whatever I feel. If you mean it, say it, talk about it. Talk about it. Tell them. Don't beat yourself up until there's nothing left of you.
I want to be clear that I've never held others around me to these standards I have placed on myself. I don't think that way except when it comes to myself. I dunno. That's just how it is. But people's words and communication mean so much to me.
#with my health issues#i do this so much#i feel so terrible for my body fucking up#and instead of telling people#I've gotten this thing in my head that#unless i can promise it wont happen again#i should just accept them being mad at me as if i fullt fucked up#and then just tear myself apart trying to be better and show them#but that's not good#for anyone#im always so afraid of letting people down#and my first thought is always#then dont fucking let them down#but i think i need to be a little softer too#because im the opposite with others#i dunno#my body fights for me#but it also lets me down#and i blame myself
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...
#i have to drive to the big city tomorrow morning... which is...#itll b fine. ive done it multiple times before so itll b fine#but also everytime i have to drive somewhere im a sobbing mess bc its so scary#and i space out which is terrifying so i have to sing and talk to myself the whole time so my brain doesnt drift too far#and i dont kno how long i have to b there or if ill b able to find parking...#i just hate is so much. literally its not a far trip. if we have a fucking working train system there would b a train between our two#universities and it would b like 30min. such fucking bullshit. that would b incredible. i would actually b able to go places#fuck the lack of public train transportation. its stupid.#at least i was busy all day. its crazy how much less terrible my day is when im in a semi empty lab working with algae#hopefully i didnt kill the culture bc i had to transfer immediately after making media. i think it cooled enough but well see#fuck. i dont wanna drive. i should sleep so im not more insane tomorrow#its crazy how distorted i get abt driving. i will convince myself that my car is gonna like fall apart while im driving#and that im absolutely going to have an accident caused by me. so i get up like ok this is where it all ends#in a smear across the highway#oh god i have to get gas tomorrow too#thry recommended i get there at 9 but maybe ill get there 8.30 and just like sit in my car crying for half an hour#lol i turn up to the lab with tear stained cheeks like hey sorry if it seemed like i was resistant to coming down here. im very unwell ✌️#bleh. lets not think abt it. dont think just do. and pray i dont have to fucking go multiple days#my reward for success is no spring break bc a stressful project will begin this weekend#but im not even sure i have spring break bc im a lab tech so i think mayne thats not a loss? idk i dont kno#when im supposed to b working or not. it doesnt matter. my tine sheets r a lie#time sheets :-P#unrelated
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I’m guessing the reason Adam had a falling out with Colleen is because he’s chosen to blame Sam and Matt for Shiro going on the Kerberos mission and dying.
Adam probably figures, maybe subconsciously, that if he doesn’t blame them for pulling Shiro away from him, Adam would have to blame himself for Shiro’s death. He pushed Shiro away and onto the Persephone.
It makes sense in a way. When people die, especially in sudden and unexpected ways, people often look for someone or something to blame, even if it was a complete accident or random chance.
Adam certainly doesn’t want to blame Shiro. So the only other people who could take the blame for his lover’s death are either Sam and Matt, the people who filled Shiro’s head with dreams and pulled him into the stars, or Adam himself, who held onto Shiro so tightly he ended up pushing his lover away and into the inky abyss of space, to never see him again.
that definitely is an aspect of it, yes!! though it's a bit more complicated than that, as things like this tend to be. and while we know that adam has a tendency to push everyone away when he's hurting (like he's doing rn with gold flight), in this case the falling out actually wasn't one-sided; colleen has beef with adam, adam has beef with colleen, they're both grieving, they're both very strong personalities that clash even in the best of circumstances, and the result is the Falling Out. I'm keeping things vague on purpose because it'll all be revealed later, but in this case adam actually isn't the only one lashing out and causing friction. for once lmao
#its a Very complicated situation. and imo both sides are reasonable with the amount of information they each have#about the circumstances#but they dont both Know all that information and so there's some genuine miscommunication and a Lot of grief#i love adam sooo much he is soooo mentally unwell godbless#renee too but she hasnt been shown as much yet#the thing about them is that theyre both Very stubborn people with strong personalities#and so even when things were Normal w the whole flight together they still didnt really get along super well#and now that things are so shitty theyre like a powder keg ready to explode#and so far renee has managed to keep her cool for the most part but she is definitely capable of lashing right back at him#genuinely i think theyre my fav duo in quintenary stars. the things i have planned for them....tee hee#theyre Siblings to me. and siblings fight. sometimes apocalyptically.#sometimes siblings tear each other apart instead of building each other up. et cetera.#ive only shown glimpses of their relationship so far but i plan to give them a lot more time later on :]]#quintenary stars series#xpegasusuniverse
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hhh as soon as mutual respect is shown not to be had its so hard for me to even feign politeness
#but i feel like since im always seen as like tiny and sweet and such 🙄 and am overly polite too much people take it like im tearing#their throat out rude if i do away w the niceties and get to the point sometimes#i just sent an email to what i hope is the correct email for the apartment place#since they didnt provide a document they were supposed to give us in order to sign another document#and the lady i called around 4 something said she was going to email it right away#never did#so kat called from work to call to and the lady (idk maybe same lady) was rude to her#but anyways never was contacted back#and i sent kat a copy of the email so shes in the loop and i feel like kat for sure is also going to think its too harsh (which she does#sometimes when i dont put up w things and it bothers me but i hope she understands why i got to even#*eventually 😐)#(ie this is how you get walked over and further manipulated and also its fucked up how this tends to be done often extra when its upon#someone perceived by others as a woman and or other discriminatory reasons )
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i don’t think we’ve comprehended the fact that taylor somehow managed to make all too well (10 minute version) 100x more emotional with the sad girl autumn version like!!!!!!! im going to die actually this song was already so fucking emotionally powerful and she made it that much more so with merely a piano. i just.
#im.#yeah.#i def still prefer the og 10 min version#but the sad girl autumn version really tears you apart#sarah talks#taylor swift#all too well 10 minute version#this song will always mean so much to me#and it genuinely hurts my feelings when ppl say they dont want to listen to it every night on tour#like literally HOW dare you.#anyway
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every writer deserves one (1) forbidden fic that keeps them alive
#by forbidden i dont mean in the en es ef ew manner#even though it is quite. not very safe for work#the main problem is#its just too poorly written#and is written with so much self indulgence that sharing it feels like tearing yourself apart#so it's mine and mine alone#but it keeps me alive! thats all that matters#obviously this is also jy/fx#rambelles
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