#drawing breakdowns is surprisingly soothing

[doodlboy]

Working on my favorite homicidal maniac~🎶

[horeformilfs]

Request for a Cassandra x a s/o with aichmophobia? Like, s/o doesn't tell Cass about the phobia, so when Cass trys to impress s/o with her weapon armory, s/o is desperately trying to be a good and involved partner but also trying not to breakdown and panic,,they probably do anyways and have a reconciliation with Cass in where they confess about the phobia,,

Unsheathed Fears

Cassandra Dimitrescu x GN!Reader

TW: Anxiety, Aichmophobia

------------------------------------------

Being the head chef in Dimitrescu Castle wasn’t just a job—it was a lifestyle. Y/N had somehow managed to capture the interest of Cassandra, the middle Dimitrescu sister. They had been dating for about seven months now, and every moment together felt like a stolen piece of paradise.

When Y/N wasn't swamped with work in the kitchen, they would steal away to spend time with Cassandra. They'd find hidden corners of the grand castle to share whispered conversations and secret kisses. It was in these moments that Y/N realized just how deeply they had fallen for Cassandra. Everything about her was mesmerizing—her fierce loyalty to her family, the way she always had Y/N's back, and her surprisingly gentle side that she showed only to Y/N. To the other maids, Cassandra was intimidating and cold, but with Y/N, she was tender and loving.

One evening, after a particularly grueling day in the kitchen, Y/N found themselves in Cassandra's arms, nestled in the warmth and safety of her embrace. They lay together on a plush sofa in one of the castle's many drawing rooms, the fire crackling softly in the background. Y/N could feel the tension of the day melting away as Cassandra ran her fingers through Y/N's hair, her touch both soothing and electrifying.

"You work too hard," Cassandra murmured, her voice a soft, affectionate reprimand.

Y/N chuckled, looking up into Cassandra's eyes. "Someone has to make sure you and your sisters are well-fed."

Cassandra's lips curved into a smile. "I appreciate it, you know. Everything you do."

At that moment, Y/N knew that no matter how tough things got, as long as they had Cassandra by their side, they could handle anything. The castle, with all its grandeur and secrets, felt like home because of her. 

The next day, Lady Dimitrescu had surprisingly given Y/N the day off, a rare luxury. Y/N decided to spend it in the castle's expansive library, surrounded by ancient tomes and the comforting scent of old paper. Bela and Daniela were there too, lounging around and indulging in their favorite books. Daniela, ever affectionate, was cuddled up to Y/N, reading a novel together. It was a peaceful scene, a rare moment of tranquility in the otherwise imposing castle.

As Y/N turned a page, the library door creaked open, and Cassandra stepped in, her presence immediately drawing everyone's attention. Y/N felt their heart skip a beat at the sight of her. Cassandra had a way of commanding attention effortlessly, her aura both captivating and slightly intimidating.

Cassandra's gaze locked onto Y/N, and a smile curved her lips. "Hey, Y/N. Can you come with me? I want to show you something new in the armory."

Y/N hesitated, a flicker of anxiety crossing their face. They had never told Cassandra about their fear of sharp objects. Bela and Daniela exchanged knowing glances, fully aware of Y/N's phobia.

"Um, sure," Y/N finally replied, trying to keep their voice steady. "Lead the way."

Cassandra's smile widened, and she extended her hand, helping Y/N up from the comfortable nook they had settled into. Together, they walked through the winding corridors of the castle, the atmosphere growing heavier as they approached the armory.

Inside, the armory was a stark contrast to the cozy library. It was filled with weapons of all kinds, gleaming menacingly under the dim lights. Y/N felt their palms grow sweaty, their heart pounding in their chest. Cassandra, oblivious to Y/N's discomfort, led them to a new display of intricately designed swords.

"Look at these," Cassandra said excitedly, her eyes gleaming with pride. "Aren't they beautiful? They're new additions."

Y/N swallowed hard, trying to focus on Cassandra's enthusiasm rather than the sharp blades. "Yeah, they’re... impressive," they managed to say.

Cassandra turned to Y/N, noticing their unease for the first time. "Are you okay? You look a bit pale."

Y/N brushed it off with a weak smile. "I'm fine, just a bit tired."

Cassandra nodded and continued to show different weapons, her excitement undimmed. Y/N tried to keep up, but the sight of so many sharp objects was making their head spin. They felt increasingly lightheaded, struggling to maintain their composure.

Cassandra, still absorbed in showcasing the collection, glanced back at Y/N. "You sure you're alright? You don’t look so good.”

Y/N tried to brush off Cassandra's concern once more, insisting that they were fine despite the dizziness threatening to overwhelm them. But Cassandra wouldn't let it go. With a firm but gentle touch, she led Y/N back to the library where Bela and Daniela were waiting.

As soon as they saw Y/N's pale face, Bela and Daniela rushed over, concern etched on their features. "What happened?" Daniela asked, her voice filled with worry.

Cassandra, still confused but sensing something was wrong, simply stated, "Y/N wasn't feeling well."

Bela's brow furrowed as she looked between Y/N and Cassandra. "Did you tell her yet?"

Y/N shook their head, feeling a knot form in their stomach. They hadn't planned on revealing their fear to Cassandra so soon, if ever. But with the way things were unfolding, it seemed inevitable now.

Cassandra looked at Y/N, concern evident in her eyes. "Tell me what's going on."

Y/N hesitated, their heart pounding in their chest. "I... I have a fear of sharp objects," they finally admitted, their voice barely above a whisper.

Cassandra's expression softened as she processed the confession. "Why didn't you tell me?"

Y/N glanced down, feeling a surge of guilt wash over them. "I didn't want you to think I didn't care about something that you love so much."

Cassandra reached out and gently lifted Y/N's chin, forcing them to meet her gaze. "Y/N, I would never think that. Your well-being is more important to me than any weapon."

Bela, sensing the tension in the air, decided to intervene. "Y/N has been keeping this from you because she was afraid it would change the way you see her."

Cassandra's eyes widened in realization. "I see. You didn't have to hide this from me, Y/N. I love you for who you are, not for what you're afraid of."

Y/N felt a wave of relief wash over them, grateful for Cassandra's understanding. "I'm sorry for not telling you sooner."

Cassandra pulled Y/N into a tight embrace. "There's nothing to apologize for. From now on, we'll face your fears together."

Bela and Daniela exchanged knowing glances, silently acknowledging the strength of the bond between Y/N and Cassandra. Despite the initial tension, the revelation had only brought them closer together.

As they settled back into the comfort of the library, Y/N couldn't help but feel grateful for the love and support of their partner and friends.

[once-upon-an-imagine]

Smile (Chapter Two) - Theodore Nott

A/N: I have no idea how this turned out but it did so I really hope you guys like it :) I am so sorry for taking so long with this series!

Prompt List

Warnings: Theo having a breakdown and just... throwing things, mentions of bullying

Disclaimer: I don’t own Harry Potter :D gif isn’t mine :)

Your name: submit What is this?

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

Smile

When there are clouds in the sky, you'll get by If you smile through your fear and sorrow

“Theo?”

“Hmm” he said, not even bothering to open his eyes as he rested his head on your legs and you leaned back to a tree.

“You’re not even trying” you giggled as you stopped brushing your hand through his hair.

“Yes, I am” he argued, pouting and opening his eyes when you removed your hand. “Why did you stop?” he pouted.

“Because you’re not paying attention” you smiled down at him.  

“I am too!” he complained, sitting up on his elbows.

“Then tell me when is it that you can pick Fluxweed?”

“Um...” he thought for a while. “During the... full moon?” he arched his eyebrow at you and erased your smile.

“That was a lucky guess” you argued.

“Or... maybe I was paying attention” he said with his smirk back in place. “You may proceed” he said, closing his eyes again and waiting for you to brush your fingers through his hair again.

“You’re going to fall asleep if I keep doing this” you said, but still brought your hand to brush it through his hair. It somehow soothed both of you at the same time.

“I’m not complaining” he mumbled.

It had been several weeks since you and Theo started your Herbology study sessions. Or at least, it started that way. With each passing day, you realized how much you two had in common and how much you enjoyed each other’s company. To the outside, you might seem like complete opposites. But it worked out for you.

“Maybe that’s enough for today” you chuckled, knowing he was really close to falling asleep.

“We don’t have to go back yet, do we?” he asked a bit too quickly, resting on his elbows.

“I’m going to sketch for a while if you’d like to keep me company” you smiled sweetly at him.

“As long as you don’t disturb me” he said, trying to play it cool as he laid back on your legs and closed his eyes again.

You rolled your eyes but you were glad that he decided to stay. You grabbed your sketchbook and decided to do something different today. You wanted to sketch him.

“Did you fall asleep?” you whispered after a while.

“No” he said, almost asleep and you laughed silently.

“Can I ask you something?”

“I asked you not to bother me” he complained, but he opened one of his eyes. “What is it?”

“How come you choose to spend your afternoon with me, instead of your friends?” you asked curiously, making him open his eyes and lift his head.

“Would you like me to leave?” he asked, frowning and you could see the hurt in his eyes.

“No” you replied quickly. “I’m just curious” you replied. “Stay still” you said, pushing him back down but he still looked at you confused.

“Stay still-?” he arched his eyebrow. “Are you sketching me?”

“No” you said, feeling the heat on your cheeks.

“Yes, you are!” he said sitting up and trying to grab your sketchbook from you but you pulled it away. “Come on, let me see” he pouted.

“It’s not even finished” you complained.

“So it is me” he smirked. You sighed, feeling embarrassed, and looked away.

“I’m sorry” you muttered. “I didn’t mean to-”

“Hey, love, I’m not mad” he said in a surprisingly soft tone and he turned you to face him. “(Y/N)” he said, making you laugh a little. “You could have just told me” he said and you smiled shyly.

“Is it okay if I draw you?”

“Of course” he said, resuming his position and resting his head on  your lap again. “As long as I get to keep it” he smirked.

“Fine” you nodded and went back to your sketch. “And don’t call me love” you added. “So you didn’t answer my question” you repeated.

“What was that, sunshine?”

“How come you choose to spend your afternoon with me, instead of your friends?” you repeated.

“Does it bother you that I do?”

“Not at all” you chuckled. “I’m just... curious” you admitted.

“Well” he sighed. “If you must know, your company is much more pleasant than the one of my... friends” he muttered the last word. But you didn’t notice and you smiled instead.

“Thank you, Theo” you said, looking at him. “I quite enjoy your company as well” you admitted.

“Do you mean that?” he asked, trying not to sound so surprised. You frowned your eyebrows in confusion and stopped sketching to look back at him.

“Of course I do” you said, honestly. “I mean, I have to admit that I was a little nervous when you first asked me to help you with Herbology-”

“You were?”

“A little” you insisted. “We had never talked before and you always looked so serious and... intimidating?”

“Intimidating?” he frowned. “Were you… um- are you… afraid of me?”

“I didn’t say that Theo” you said, feeling your heart break a little at the hurt in his voice. “I wasn’t afraid of you and I’m definitely not afraid now” you smiled. “Is just that well, most of the people in your house aren’t really nice to… people like me” you said, feeling your cheeks burn a little as you looked away.

Theo felt his blood boiling. This is exactly why he hated being in Slytherin. He didn’t mind the house itself, but most of the people sorted into Slytherin felt his superiority among the rest of the school, which was the stupidest thing he’d ever heard. And, it was one thing if they thought about it, but some of them, including his friends, actually tormented and pushed people around because of that stupid blood status.

“(Y/N), look at me” he said in a surprisingly soft tone and you did. “Has anyone ever done anything to you?” he asked with his tone turning angry.

“Um… n-no-”

“Don’t lie to me, love” he said, sitting closer to you.

“W-well, they just s-sometimes say stupid things or they make me trip on the hallway or throw my books, but they do it to a lot of people-”

“That doesn’t make it right” Theo snapped.

“I know, but I’m just used to it by now-”

“You should not be used to it” he said, running a hand through his hair. “Does it happen often?”

“Sometimes” you said.

“Who does it?”

“Theo-”

“(Y/N)” he said in the same tone as yours and he arched his eyebrow at you. “Who does it?”

“W-well, um… M-Malfoy” you admitted. “And Crabbe and Goyle when they are with him” you added. “Sometimes, um- P-Pansy Parkinson and her friends” you added.

Theo sighed. “Promise me you’ll tell me if it happens again” he said looking at you and you felt the corners of your lips lift. “Why are you smiling?”

“Nothing, is just… you’re really sweet” you said, placing your hand on his.

“Shut up! I am not” he complained. “But… just… promise me?”

“Alright, Theo, I promise” you said.

“I mean it, sunshine” he said in a serious tone.

“I know” you smiled back at him before you went back to sketching him.

“Can I see?” he asked, trying to grab your sketchbook.

“I’m not done!” you argued.

“Please?” he pouted, making puppy eyes at you and you chuckled.

“Fine” you gave in, showing it to him.

“Bloody hell!” Theo said, admiring your sketch.

“Do you… not like it?” you asked, nervously.

“Are you joking? This is amazing!” he said, looking at you, and making you smile brightly.

“Really?”

“Of course!” he said, still looking at it. “Why don’t I have a mouth?”

“Because I haven’t finished it” you reminded him, taking the sketch back. “And I wanted to draw a smile but I have never really seen you smile” you told him.

“Yes, you have” he argued.

“No. You smirk a lot, that’s not the same thing” you chuckled, going back to your sketch.

“Yes, it is” he argued, pouting and running a hand through his hair.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

“(Y/N), are you sure about this?” Neville asked you.

“I’m only tutoring him, Nev” you insisted. You hadn’t been able to keep this from Neville for long. But he had promised not to tell anyone. “Besides, I promise he’s not that bad. He’s actually really nice and he’s funny and he’s interesting” you told him.

“Still, (Y/N), his house, and his friends, and his family-”

“That’s not fair, Nev” you told him. “I know he doesn’t have the best reputation, but I’m telling you, I have gotten to know him for the past couple of weeks and he’s a good person” you assured him.

“Fine, I trust you, but just… be careful, okay?”

“I will, Nev” you smiled. “Now, you have to get out of here because you have a date with Luna” you reminded him.

“It’s not a date” he said, blushing a little.

“Fine, but you still need to go, because Theo is coming any minute for our lesson today” you said, pushing him out the door.

“Alright, I’m going” Neville laughed. “See you later?”

“Of course” you said, as he walked out of the Greenhouses. You went back to where you were a moment ago where Neville had helped you set up everything for your lesson today. While you finished getting everything ready, you heard someone walking inside the Greenhouses. “Hey, Theo” you smiled at him, but he didn’t even acknowledge you. You noticed he was breathing heavily and the furious look on his face. And then, he threw his bag on the floor. “Are you okay-?”

Instead of answering, he started throwing everything in his path. You saw him grab whatever plant or thing that he could find and throw it on the ground.

“I fucking hate him!” you heard him mutter while he broke the pots on his right. “I FUCKING HATE HIM!”

“Theo, s-stop” you tried but he didn’t hear you. He kept on trashing the place breaking everything he got his hands on while he kept on yelling, enraged.  “Theo!” you tried, louder and you started to make your way towards him. “Theo, stop-” before you could get closer, he kicked one of the shelves and one of the big pots on top of it was going to fall down on you. Theo quickly ran towards you and pushed you out of the way.

“Shit” Theo froze when he noticed what just happened and ran over to you. “Shit! (Y/N), I’m so sorry!”

“I-it’s okay” you said, still processing everything that just happened.

“No, it’s not okay!” Theo said in a lower tone. He sat up and helped you sit as well. You looked up to see him and saw his eyes filling up with tears. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you” he said, holding your hand in his.

“I’m alright, Theo, nothing happened” you assured him. “What’s wrong?”

“W-what?” Theo asked, confused.

“What’s wrong?” you repeated. “Why are you so upset?” you asked, hoping that he wouldn’t get angry again.

“(Y/N), that doesn’t matter” he said. “I almost hurt you” he told you, sadly. “I’m really sorry” he said, sounding a bit scared.

“Theo” you said, carefully placing your hand on his cheek. You had never done that and you had no idea how he would react, but to your surprise, he leaned in. “I’m okay” you repeated. “Please tell me what’s wrong so I can help you” you said, softly. Theo looked away and you could see he was shaking a little.

“It’s stupid” he muttered.

“It’s not stupid if you’re this upset” you told him. “Here” you said, moving away to grab your bag and you felt his hand grabbing yours, afraid that you were going to leave. You smiled back at him and reached out with your other arm for your bag, taking out a box of sweets you had brought for your study session. “I brought your favorite” you said, taking out some Chocolate Frogs, Chocolate bars, Cauldron Cakes, and Fudge Flies. “I think you’re the only person who has a bigger chocolate addiction than me” you laughed a little.

“W-why are you so nice to me?” he asked, all of the sudden, looking at the sweets in your hand.

“Why shouldn't I?” you asked, confused. “You’ve been nothing but kind to me” you told him. Theo sighed and leaned back against the wall.

“I didn’t get in” he muttered. You felt your heart break a little. You knew what he was talking about. He had been talking about it since you started school. And he had worked so hard for it.

“Why not?” you asked, confused. Theo was the perfect candidate for the Slug Club. Theo only looked away and kept on trying to even his breathing.

“He gave my spot to Zabini” he said between clenched teeth.

“Blaise?” you asked and he nodded. “Why? I mean, I know he’s good at Potions but you’re top of our class” you told him. “You’re even better than Hermione-”

“He doesn’t want any association with-” he stopped, running a hand through his hair.

“With what?” you frowned in confusion.

“With Death Eaters” he mumbled.

“Oh” you said. “B-but-”

“He knows my father” he continued. “He asked Zabini about him and he knows that…” he sighed, not being able to look at you. “He knows that my father is in Azkaban” he said, sadly.

“I uh- I didn’t know your father was in-”

“I didn’t want you to know” he confessed. You turned around to see that a few tears had escaped his eyes. “I hate him, (Y/N)” he continued. “I hate him so much” he said. “All of them” he muttered.

“All of them?” you asked, a little confused.

“I have three older brothers” he told you. You remembered maybe one of them being a couple of years older than you. “I’m not like them, (Y/N), I promise” he said, nervously, finally looking at you. It broke your heart. He looked terrified for some reason. “I swear I am not a Death Eater and I dont- I don’t think what they believe. I don’t care if anyone’s a pureblood, or a half-blood or a muggle-born or-!”

“Theo, I know” you tried to calm him down.

“N-no, you don’t know!” he snapped a little. “It’s been like this my whole life! Everyone thinks that I’m as awful as them! You have no idea how they are! They are horrible people!” he said, with a few tears escaping his eyes as he knelt next to you and grabbed your hands. “Please don’t be mad at m-me” he said. “I didn’t… want you to find out about my dad. I didn’t want you to hate me and… I didn’t want you to be afraid of me” he said, looking down. You carefully placed your hand on his cheek and lifted his face so he could look at you.

“I don't hate you, Theo” you said, seeing him let out a sigh of relief.

“R-really?”

“Really” you assured him.

Your heart ached for him. He had so much pain behind those beautiful blue eyes. He needed someone. And you were going to be that someone if he let you. Theo took in a deep breath and wiped the angry tears that were still falling down his cheeks.

“I’m sorry-”

“It’s okay” you assured him with a warm smile.

“I promise I d-don’t-” he said, lifting his left sleeve to reveal his blank arm.

“I know” you nodded, placing your hand on his arm. You had never seen him like this. You knew he wasn’t lying.  “I know I’ve only known you for a couple of weeks, but… I’d like to think that I do know you” you told him. “And you’re my friend” you assured him.

“I am?” he asked, with a small smirk forming on his face.

“Well, I’d like to think so” you said, feeling your cheeks burning a little.

“I’d like to think so too” he said, still holding onto your hand.

“Is it… okay if I… give you a hug?”

Theo’s look was something you would never forget. It was a mix of confusion and hope.

“I uh-” he stuttered, awkwardly.

“We don’t have to if you-”

“No” he quickly said. “I mean, uh, yeah, it’s okay” he said, as the two of you got up.

You walked closer to Theo and slowly wrapped your arms around his waist. He hesitantly lifted his arms and placed them around your shoulders, bringing you closer. You felt him rest his head on yours and he let out a sigh of relief. You smiled to yourself when you heard his heartbeat racing a little.

“I’m really sorry you didn’t get into the Slug Club” you said.

“It’s okay” he said, still not letting go of you.

“I bet it would have been just boring dinners without chocolate” you said quietly and he laughed just barely. “It’s their loss, really” you said looking up at him, his hands still placed securely around your waist. “Would you like to help me clean this mess and then eat all the chocolate we have?”

“Of course, I would” he said before he slowly leaned down to kiss your cheek. “I’m sorry about the mess” he said before pulling away from you.

“It’s okay” you said, looking around. “It was worse one time that Ron brought in one of Fred and George’s fireworks inventions” you said, making him laugh a little and the two of you began to clean up.

“Hey, uh… sunshine?” he said, after a while and you turned around to look at him. “Thank you” he told you, making your heart warm.

“That’s what friends are for, Theo” you smiled up at him.

To Be Continued

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

[Ch.1]

A/N: I keep feeling bad about this story, I don’t know why, like I had so many ideas for it and when I write them they come out as bleh Dx I only want the reader to make Theo smile and for Theo to smile just for her :3 please, let me know what you think and if I should continue this! :) 

tag list:  @venomsvl​,  @chaoticgirl04​

[kaaytea]

hello! i love your blog so much and it brings me so much comfort..ive been having a really rough go at it the last few months and i was wondering if you could write how the daiya boys would react to learning their so deals with mental health problems? or what theyd be like helping them during a breakdown or something? thank you so much ♡♡♡

Daiya boys helping an s/o during a break down

A/n: Hello dear! I can't tell you how happy it makes me knowing you find comfort from this blog (that was my main goal when I started it!) I'm sorry to hear you've been having a rough time, I'm sending a bunch of love, hugs, and good vibes your way! I hope these little hcs bring you some comfort, thank you for requesting and enjoy ♥️

----------------------------------------------------------

Sawamura -> He's a bit familiar with these situations from his yips phase. Very quiet when comforting you, mostly out of fear that if he were his usual loud self it'd cause more harm than good. Handles you very gently and coaxes you into doing some breathing exercises with him to calm you down a bit. Afterwards he'll do whatever would make you most comfortable. Run you a bath? He's on it! Need some water? He's already in the kitchen! Just want to snuggle up with him? His arms are open and awaiting your hugs!

Furuya -> Very lost and worried the first time he sees you in this state. Unsure of what to do so he just follows his gut in that moment. Sits down besides you and rubs your back to let you know he's there, if you want him to hold you his arms are open in an instant. Afterwards he'd ask you if there were specific things you'd want him to do in the event that this happens again. Furuya wouldn't want to accidentally overstep your boundaries and make you feel worse so he compiles a little list of things you said would comfort you so he's prepared for next time.

Haruichi -> Haruichi would whisper encouraging words to you. He speaks in a very light, airy tone in hopes of calming you down a bit. If you're comfortable with it he pulls you to sit on his lap so you can hold on to each other; sometimes he even quietly hums songs his mom used to sing for him. Would rock you back and forth in his arms just praying that you know you're safe with him. Won't force you to talk but is always happy when you do so the both of you can work on finding healthy ways to diminish the frequency of your break downs.

Kanemaru -> Please he's sO worried. Kanemaru hates seeing you upset or in pain so he's doing anything to make you comfortable. Firmly Holds you to his chest and presses kisses to the side of your head. Quite literally won't leave your side the rest of the day.

Toujou -> Toujou does his best to make sure you're not feeling alone; he's wants you to know that he is present in the moment and is there to help in any way you need. He always finds a way to coax you into a conversation to distract you from the source of all your stress. If you don't want to talk he usually puts on some sort of background noise like rain water or a playlist of softer songs you enjoy.

Kuramochi -> Can tell right away when something is wrong and is on top of things the second he sees you start to tip over the edge. Mochi wouldn't want to overcrowd you and make you feel congested so he's sits across from you and draws little shapes on the palms of your hands. He tends to talk you through everything, reassuring you that you're safe and that he's here for you.

Miyuki -> So so so so gentle!! Yes he's normally emotionally detached and makes fun of you half the time, but if your hurting (whether it be mentally of physically) he won't leave your side until he's certain you're ok. Big believer in breathing techniques so he's always trying to get you to match your breathing with his. If you're ok with physical contact he usually pulls you into his side and let's you rest your head on his shoulder. Always listens to you if you want to talk about what's been getting you so worked up.

Kawakami -> Understands how torturous it seems when your own mind and body are against you. Has the gentlest smile on his face when he notices what's wrong. Of course it pains him to see you like this but it's not a feeling he focuses on. Instead, he puts all his energy into comforting you and your well-being. Would definitely make you both some tea and stick near you till you start to recover a bit. He's also really into aromatherapy (it's a method that works for him) so he has a lavender infused blanket ready if you want it. Very in touch with what comforts you. If you want him to talk to you so you have something to focus on, he will! If you need some form of physical comfort he's got a cozy spot on the couch perfect for snuggles!

Ryousuke -> Very calm and refuses to baby you (i.e. he's not gonna fluff it up and be all "Oh my poor baby! What's wrong, sweetheart?"🥺🥺) Lets you use his lap as a pillow and will run his finger through/over your hair. Not much for whispering sweet nothings but he will look you in the face and say something along the lines of: "I'm right here, ok? Just concentrate on calming down a bit." He's a wonderful listener if you ever want to talk about what's been going on, there's not a smidge of judgement on his end.

Tetsuya -> He's still very stoic on the outside but there's a noticable softness in his eyes. Does the thing where he runs his hands up and down your arms. Tetsu would most likely want to discuss everything. He might try to give you advice or little reminders to take time for yourself. He doesn't want you to think your facing everything alone, he wants you to feel comfortable sharing things with him. Would definitely be one of the rare times he gets a smidge sappy to let you know he loves you.

Jun -> Such a sweetheart! A bit hesitant the first time he sees you breaking down but immediately snaps into action. Scoops you up and brings you somewhere comfortable. Keeps telling you that you're ok and that nothing will hurt you. Presses a bunch of kisses to the top of your head and cheeks.

Chris -> Chris is naturally just a soft-spoken person so his demeanor doesn't change at all. His voice when he whispers is incredibly comforting to listen to; it's low and rumbly, man just exudes warmth. He won't belittle your stress or fears at all, he actively listens to you in hopes of finding some way to help. Gives really great hugs so if you're in need of affection you've literally won the jackpot with him.

Sanada -> Is somehow, even in this situation, able to keep the atmosphere generally calm. Would whisper sweet, reassuring words to you the entire time. Mans just wants you to feel valid, safe, and loved when with him. Another person who would let you sit on his lap or curl up to him on your own terms. Would offer you one of his hoodies if you wanted something you're able to curl up in. Sanada always tries to get you to smile or laugh once you've calmed down to lighten your mood a bit.

Raichi -> Similar to Furuya where he wouldn't really know what to do. Might be a bit shaken up because he hates not knowing how to help you. If you ask him for something (like some water or a hug) boy is ZOOMING to fullfil your request. Because he's not entirely sure what to do he just gently brings your hands up to cup his face and softly says: "(y/n)-chan, please don't be upset!" Might not be the most effective tactic but it's the first thing that popped into his mind. Would definitely offer to get you a snack after the whole ordeal. He might be a tiny bit clingy afterwards because he felt so useless :(

Mei -> Generally a childish person but Mei takes this very seriously; babes is not messing around when it comes to your health. Goes by your requests and will do anything you ask of him, not a single complaint leaves his mouth. You'll usually end up lying on his chest while he mindlessly traces shapes on your back. In this position you can listen to his heart beat which is surprisingly very soothing and steady. He tends to whisper about how much he loves you or about how important and special you are.

[maribatshipper]

Miraculous Jiminette: String sequel

First

Marinette looks at Jim suspiciously. This is her “knight in shining armour”? He doesn’t seem to look like one.

“I’ll leave you to it.” Liam smiles.

Both panic, “No! Wait!”

But the young boy has already left, closing the trapdoor.

“So... Uh... Hi?” Jim smiles nervously.

Marinette shuffles on her feet for a while until Liam pokes his head back in.

“Just tell each other how you found out about me seeing the strings!” Liam frowns and closes the door again.

Marinette nervously giggles, “So, um... you know what he can do?”

Jim nods, “Yeah... I’m still having troubles believing it. How’d you find out about him?”

Marinette explains, “He’s my classmate. He’s actually the cousin of our resident liar, but unlike her, he’s usually quiet, reserved, and always speaks the truth. He was nice on his first day and we became friends. He finally snapped one day when his cousin said something about being soulmates with someone rich and famous. I followed him, concerned, and he spilled the beans. Turns out, the guy I had a crush on wasn’t my soulmate. Took a little getting used to, but I’m finally over him.”

Jim nods, partially understanding. He clenches his hand slightly where his amulet would be comforting him if he still had it.

“So he offered to tell me who my soulmate was by grabbing my string, I let him, and his first words were, “You have a knight in shining armour for a soulmate.” I still don’t believe him.” Marinette giggles.

Jim pales at those words, “A knight in shining armour?”

Marinette nods, “He gave me the best description he could, and drew what he saw, but it wasn’t that good, so I made my own drawing of what he saw and he said that it’s more like what he saw.”

She walks over to her desk and pulls out a drawing, which then shocks Jim.

(Art not mine. Credits to whoever drew it.)

Jim gapes at the picture, it looks just like him.

“So, how’d you meet Liam?” Marinette asks.

Jim puts down the picture and sighs, “I know this is gonna sound weird, but... I quite literally met him in a dream.”

Marinette giggles, then asks, quite seriously, “How’d that happen?”

Jim tries to explain without giving away too many details about his life, “My best friend died recently.” Marinette gasps as Jim continues, “I was mourning when I fell asleep. In my dream, I saw my best friend again, just about to die again, when this girl in a spotted suit jumps in front of him, saving him. She had this... yoyo, which she spun around so fast it was like a shield... When I woke up I found out she’s Ladybug, the heroine of Paris.”

Marinette exclaims, “WHAT?!” falling off her chair, surprised out of her skin.(You just imagined it, didn’t you?)

Jim asks, “Are you alright?”

Marinette gets up quickly and panics, mumbling incoherent words while she paces around the room.

“Are you alright?” Jim repeats.

Marinette snaps back to Jim and realises he’s still in the room.

Marinette nods, “Yes... Um... your dream?”

Jim continues, “She introduced herself to me and said something about I was going to know her as something, but she was interrupted by a strange butterfly man and a woman who looked like a peacock who attacked her.”

Marinette supplies, “Hawk Moth and Mayura. Our resident supervillains.”

Jim nods, “Yep. That’s what they said. Then two more people appeared. That dragon girl who helped save people today and a cat boy.”

“Cat Noir and Ryuko.” Marinette corrects.

Jim continues, “Anyway, Cat Noir and Ryuko battle Hawk Moth, and Mayura brings down her fan to kill Ladybug, but I jumped in front to save her, only for everyone to disappear, including my best friend. That’s when your friend Liam showed up. He said something about holding a soulmate string lets him communicate with the person on the other end by a dream. He also said the heroes are my soulmates too, but platonically.”

Marinette nods, “That makes sense. But, how’d you get here so fast? He only saw you yesterday from the string.”

Jim’s face pales. He really doesn’t want to explain that.

“It’s a long story that I really don’t want to tell...” Jim sheepishly explains.

Marinette nods, “Of course.”

***

Claire frowns at Liam, who is having a panic attack while being in the same room as this girl.

“How do you know Jim?” Claire asks, suspicious.

Liam tries to figure out how to tell the dark-haired girl and keeps glancing at his right ring-finger, which is still attached to hers. He’s tried to remove it, like one would a regular string, but it’s not working. How can he tell her that Jim can only be her friend? How can he tell her that he can see strings without her thinking he’s insane? How can he talk to her now he knows that he’s actually got a romantic soulmate?

“Okay, so, I’m Liam... and... I know things I shouldn’t because I see stupid strings!” Liam blurts out.

Claire stares at him, now just confused.

“What does string have to do with any of this?” Claire asks.

Liam slams his head into the table, mentally begging Hawk Moth to send an akuma after him just to get out of this conversations. He paces, completely worried. He’s never had an attraction to anyone, and he’s intimidated by this girl that’s supposed to be his soulmate.

“I don’t know how to explain it without you attacking me...” Liam mutters, partially hoping she didn’t hear him.

Claire asks, “What are you talking about?”

Liam sighs, “Okay, look. You know how everyone has a crush on someone in school through their lives, usually on more than one kid? Or maybe a crush on a celebrity? And some kids actually become girlfriends and boyfriends with their crushes? And they break up?”

Claire nods, “Yeah... so?”

“I never had that.” Liam frowns. “I’ve never felt an attraction towards people. I’ve never had dirty thoughts. I’ve never even had a celebrity crush. I’ve had admiration for people, but romantic feelings? I don’t know what it feels like. I’ve searched so long for at least one person to make me feel romantic feelings, but all I’ve felt is nervousness. And what makes it worse? I see soulmate strings!”

Claire stares in shock, then asks, “Soulmate strings? Are you serious?”

Liam frowns, “I’m afraid so. Do you know how hard it is to watch people who aren’t soulmates look at each other and try to become a thing? It just hurts! How can someone just watch people they know don’t belong together and just shrug it off? I’ve seen it all! I’ve seen strings snap, I’ve seen strings grow stronger, I’ve seen strings move from one finger to another! It drives me insane!”

Claire puts her hand on Liam’s shoulder, trying to comfort him as she watches him have a breakdown. She’s never seen a guy actually breaking down, except maybe Jim.

“And I can’t let people know because if they know I see the strings, they’ll call me evil, possessed, a liar, trying to break up a good couple for no good reason, and if they do believe me, they’ll break down because their lover is not-... I can’t.” Liam cries.

Claire rubs his back, trying to soothe him. She was going to get mad at him, but she realises he’s just trying to do what’s best.

Claire asks, “Have you... talked to anyone about this?”

Liam asks, “How? I’m a guy, so my emotions won’t be taken seriously, I see soulmates strings, and we live in a city where everyone has to repress their emotions or turn into a supervillain! So, please, tell me, person attached to my finger, How can I talk to someone?”

Claire blinks in shock, then looks to his fingers, trying to see what he’s seeing, but fails.

“I’m attached to your finger?”

Liam pales as he realises what he said. He runs out of the bakery, terrified.

“Liam! Wait!” Claire calls after him.

Before she can run after him, a crash is heard behind her. She turns to find Marinette sprawled on the ground, Jim coming down right behind her.

“Where’s Liam?” Marinette asks.

Claire answers, “He just ran out-... We need to get him back! He could get hurt.”

Marinette’s face twists into a look of horror, “Or worse... Akumatised.”

Claire and Jim exchange glances and go to ask Marinette when she races out the bakery, following where Liam went. Claire and Jim follow her.

***

Liam runs towards the Seine and breaks down. Surprisingly, no one is there when he breaks down. He collapses to his knees and hugs himself, feeling just broken. He remembers what his parents said when they found out about his ability.

“You’re just seeing things! This strings you see are all in your head! We’re worrying about your mental health because you’re obviously not making enough effort yourself!”

He whispers, “You’re obsessed with the idea that I should be more like others... You’re so crazy about being successful, and I’m just screaming inside. Now even my Soulmate will hate me too, because I’m breaking her and Jim up...”

He doesn’t notice as a butterfly lands on his chain bracelet and absorbs into it.

“Soulfinder, I am Hawk Moth... You feel the need to help people find their soulmates, but no one will listen to you. I shall give you the power to-”

Liam growls, “SHUT UP! You won’t give me power! You’ll rob me of my strength!”

“Rob you? I give you the power to show people who their soulmates are. All you have to do is give me Ladybug’s and Cat Noir’s Miraculous. Do we have a deal?”

Liam thrashes his head a few times, trying so hard to fight, but the temptation is too strong and he caves in. The ability to finally show people what he sees, and the ability to show people the love in their lives they’re missing. To be able to push people into searching for who they should be with, meeting their platonics and true romantics... to actually find their True Love... It’s just too much to say no to.

“We have a deal, Hawk Moth.”

***

Marinette runs towards Liam, calling his name, then she sees the neon butterfly on his face.

“Liam!” Marinette gasps.

Claire and Jim show up behind her.

“What’s going on?” Jim asks.

Marinette points to Liam, who’s thrashing his head around, the butterfly on his face coming with him. He finally stops, a terrifying smirk forming on his face.

“We have a deal, Hawk Moth.” Liam smirks.

A purple smoke/fog appears all over his body and he changes into a strange costume, his normally brown hair turning pink and blue, his eyes becoming a mixture of colours. His face becoming a pale blue colour. His eyes land on Claire, Jim, and Marinette.

“Liam! What’s happened?!” Marinette asks.

Liam walks over to the trio and replies, “I’m not Liam anymore. I’m Soulfinder. You didn’t make fun of me for what I could see, Marinette. You have nothing to fear, Nettie. My own family thinks I’m insane. I’ve felt trapped for years, with chains that felt like lead... I’m finally able to do what I’ve felt the need to do for ages. I can show people the truth!”

Marinette frowns, “But you could be breaking people up who’ve led very happy lives!”

Soulfinder frowns, “It’s better they know sooner than later!”

Soulfinder’s eyes glow a golden colour, sending that light all through Paris. Marinette shields her eyes, then opens them to see the strings on her right hand. On her ring finger appears a blue/silver string connected to Jim, and Jim’s side of the string is red and black. Marinette stares at her hand to see many pale strings that appear to have snapped as they drop to the ground, but many going all directions. She looks at Jim’s and Claire’s hands to see that some of the strings on their hands are connected to hers.

“Grab your strings!” Soulfinder smirks as he leaves.

Marinette frowns, slightly confused.

Jim hesitates, “We better do what he says...”

Marinette shakes her head and runs away, causing Jim and Claire to exchange confused glances.

***

Jim watches as Marinette runs away. His string is attached to her, not Claire. So that’s why he was so hesitant to tell him what he meant.

“So we’re just meant to be friends?” Claire asks.

Jim frowns, “Seems that way.”

He looks at his string on his thumb that’s limp and a dull shade of orange. He picks it up to see Toby. He drops the string quickly. Toby wasn’t just a platonic soulmate... he was a brother to him. A soul sibling... No wonder it hurts so much... He looks at the limp, dull blue string attached to his pointer finger... It’s obviously Draal’s. He’ll look at that later. He notices that many of his middle finger’s strings are limp.

“We have to help him!” Claire frowns, determined.

Jim nods as Claire creates a shadow portal, jumping into it towards where Soulfinder is. The two just hope they can help.

A/N: Holy cow, I can’t believe how long this took. I am so sorry. Have you ever had one of those moments where you’re so amped to write something, then, halfway through, you lose the amp? Because that’s what happened to me.

Answering a question, “Was Toby one of Jim’s Soulmates? I'm guessing no, because you said the three other heroes were his platonic soulmates, and you haven't mentioned what kind of string is connected to the thumb.” Honestly, the reason is because I’m lazy, and I’m not sure what kind of Soulmates to write about. But then I thought, “Wait, there’s platonic soulmates, but what about those people that are meant to be closer than friends, but not romantic? Of course! Sibling relationships!” It just worked. Also, when you brought that up, I noticed that there was nothing connected to the pinkie either, and I’m stumped for what to put there, then I thought, “Oh, it’s for the relationship between a soul parent and soul child. It makes sense!” So, adopting is because of the pinkie string!

Also, I thank you for putting up with my terrible writing.

Next

Tagging: @itspetitfantomestuff @belleyells​

[a-crimson-lion]

The Moms Of BNHA

[Warning: Spoilers and Potentially Triggering Opinions follow. You've been warned.]

[Also: Long Post.]

So, I've been thinking about this when I should be doing, homework (lol), but... can we talk about a certain trio of moms in BNHA?

Inko Midoriya

Inko is probably the least problematic mom I'll be talking about today. Does that make her perfect? Hell no! But she tries so hard for Izuku, and it shows. Even if she doesn't support Izuku's dreams of heroism once he's diagnosed as Quirkless, it's clear that she supported him in any other way she could think of. She's also worried about his well being, as we see after the mall confrontation and the aftermath of Kamino. And when she sees Izuku's dreams finally becoming a possibility after a lifetime of doubt, she apologizes, fully supporting Izuku's choice in life from there on out. Sure, after Kamino she considers pulling Izuku out of UA, but that's not from a place of selfishness or malice. It's out of worry. She wants her son to be happy, but she also wants him to be safe.

Honestly, I can't think of any legitimate reason to full on hate her...

Rei Todoroki

So Rei... gosh where do I begin?

She's definitely more problematic than Inko, or rather, her situation is. People tend to get on her case because she was apparently just as abusive to Shoto as Endeavor was, and-

Can... can we talk about this for a moment?

I understand that what Rei Todoroki did was wrong, end of discussion. I understand what Rei did only worsened the circumstances for her family, her son, and herself. I understand that while her institutionalization wasn't fair, it was likely for the best given her state of mind. But to put the blame squarely and soley on Rei's shoulders?

That's where I draw the line.

I only say this with the experience of a novice, but from personal experience, most people don't just randomly lash out spontaneously. In my case, it's usually a series of offenses (minor or major) that I refuse to respond to because I feel like that will make me a bad person, but that residual rage? It builds up. Sometimes you can let it out in minor spurts, but it's not enough. One day, one way or another, it will boil over. All that anger, all that frustration, all that rage will combust. You won't be able to stop it once it starts. You'll feel tense. You'll punch things, not caring whether you'll break them or they'll break you. When you get tired of that, you'll storm off into your room and angrily sob into your pillows, or yell/growl... or both. And when it's finally over, you'll still feel like crap. And it'll be a long while before it feels like you or anyone else can forgive yourself.

This is me anywhere from several months to several years. Rei Todoroki had to put up with Endeavor and his abusive behavior for about a decade.

Rei was abused, end of story. Rei's children were abused, either physically or neglectfully, end of story. We've seen Shoto's training. We've heard Endeavor hitting his wife and hearing her scream. People are not perfect. People are not invincible. To expect that someone like Rei could keep her head held high when it felt like the world was against her is like expecting a stone to say the same shape and size out in the open for thousands of years.

In the end, it all wears down.

Rei even knew this herself. She knew she was breaking down, and tried to call on her other family in order to stop something bad from happening. Too little, too late. Rei sees her son, the left side of her son, the side that her husband was responsible for, in a sense. She remembers all the beatings, all the physical and mental degradation against herself and her kids, and she snaps. She has finally had it with Endeavor, and in her fury, she pours boiling water against his face. Only it wasn't her husband's face. It was Shoto's. Her youngest child, her little boy, the one Endeavor was the most brutal to. The one she had wanted to live without fear of a beating.

And she just struck him without a second thought.

There's immediate remorse. Rei doesn't stew in her rage; the guilt overtakes her almost instantaneously. You could argue that trying to ice boiling water is not the best method of preventing a burn, but it's the intentions that matter here. From what I've heard, the scar could have been a lot bigger if Rei just stood there. Plus, I don't think it's necessarily common that people think 100% sanely when they're overcome by extreme emotion. Saying Rei was wrong for trying to soothe her son's burn even if it wasn't the best method is like getting made at a fireman for successfully putting a forest fire out, even of the trees are no longer living.

It's permanent damage, but would you rather deal with that, or something worse?

And just imagine how Shoto feels in all of this. There's sadness. There's betrayal. Of course some of it is directed at Rei, and deservingly so. The one person he felt he could trust basically just turned on him, seemingly out of nowhere. And yet... even though Shoto is a child, he's far from naive. He knows that Endeavor isn't a good person. He's heard his mother's cries, likely her arguments with his father, and he's even been a witness to Endeavor's abuse towards her. She may have done the deed, but for Shoto, the scar isn't his mom's fault. It's Endeavor's. He was the one who abused them, he was the one who took away their sense of happiness, of safety, he was the one who pushed them to the brink and then pushed them some more.

If he had just been a bit more considerate, a bit more reasonable, a bit more human, Rei's breakdown might have been delayed, if not outright nonexistent.

And can we just talk about the Rei/Endeavor parallels for a bit? Nowadays the manga readers are in the midst of Endeavor's redemption arc. I personally think that it's mildly problematic, but I will admit that it's probably better for Endeavor to not continue being a sorry excuse of a human being for the remainder of the series. That being said, I'd like to point out that Rei came first. Rei threw the first jab, and immediately felt remorse afterward. Shoto walked back into Rei's life, and she did not take that opportunity for granted. She spent the time shortly after her hospitalization trying to get better, and this is only more apparent when we see her for the rest of the series. As for Endeavor? His change in behavior was a lot slower. I'll admit that functionally speaking, he's a good hero, but as a person he's the scum of the Earth. He doesn't try self-evaluating after Shoto's fight with Izuku when Shoto says he only used his fire because he forgot about Endeavor. Even at Kamino, Endeavor is still an ass to All Might even though they have bigger things to worry about. And when he sees Small Might, exposed to the world? His first idea is to state that knowing he'd never catch up to All Might drove him to abusing his family.

Endeavor, buddy, that was your call. Not All Might's. Quite frankly, I don't think he's even aware of the BS you put your family through.

One of the few things that frustrates me about Endeavor's redemption is not that he has one; it's that under different circumstances, it wouldn't exist to begin with. Without All Might's retirement, without Endeavor forced into the spotlight as the new #1 Hero, there is no development on his part. I'd have the gall to say that Endeavor would still be a narcissistic asshole if All Might managed to hang on to his power for a while longer. Without the pressure of being #1 on his shoulders, Endeavor continues (in vain) to try and surpass All Might, or at least get Shoto to. He's still a good hero functionally speaking, but how long until his obsession starts to cloud his judgement? How long before the #2 Hero eventually slips up in his rage-fueled fervor?

I'll say it again: it's good that Endeavor is trying to change, but without any actual unprovoked self reflection on his part, it's not as impactful.

So to sum it up, I don't think Rei deserves all the hate she gets. She deserves to be held accountable for what she did, yes, but she's also a human being who was put into a mentally toxic position. It's a miracle she didn't snap sooner, and it's a miracle she's finally making progress with help from her kids.

Mitsuki Bakugo

And finally, the reason why I started down this train of thought.

I'm not even gonna try beating around the bush here: Mitsuki Bakugo is a bad parent.

Notice how I didn't say abusive. No, that does not mean I'm validating her. It just means I personally haven't seen or heard enough in the series thus far to justify whether she should be held on the same level as Endeavor, if not close.

I still have enough sense to see that she's not a good parent though. Far from it, actually.

So far we've only seem Mitsuki officially in a parent teacher meeting after Kamino, and a brief mention of her from Katsuki during the Remedial Course Arc. It doesn't paint a good picture. Right from the get go, her first scene is her hitting her son on the head and calling him weak. This isn't some slapstick or tough love, as some people will say. This is something entirely different, and it should tell readers two things.

Mitsuki is disconnected from her son.

Mitsuki is a carbon copy of her son.

Now take that second point with a grain of salt. People have said time and time again that Mitsuki is basically a genderbent Katsuki, which is accurate to a degree. She's also more mellowed out than Katsuki, as she can talk to other people without trying to assert her dominance. She's actually surprisingly aware of her son's superiority complex as well, but... For all that, it's obvious that Mitsuki isn't actually fully aware of her son's issues. Like her son, Mitsuki is also too focused on her son's brute strength. Calling him weak isn't some karmic justice for all the times Katsuki has said the same to other people; it's a feedback loop that feeds into Katsuki's insecurities, which feeds into his inferiority complex, which feeds into his superiority, which then repeats ad infinitum. You could argue that maybe Katsuki has acted too thick-skinned around his mom to let her actually get a feel for his problems, but I personally doubt that she's really tried to understand her son, or maybe she just... gave up.

And then there's Katsuki saying that he was raised with violence. "BUT CRIMSON, SHE HAS TO BE ABUSIVE IF SHE'S WILLING TO HIT HER KID, WhY cAn'T yOu AcCePt ThAt!?" Well, from what I learned, people can hit their kids and still? Not? Be abusers? Spanking used to be a thing, y'know, and while it's heavily controversial nowadays, I doubt that the good parents used it at the drop of a hat. Kids can be jerks; I was one. Back to Mitsuki, I doubt that this line meant from the day Katsuki had been four years old, his life had been hell. I feel like even if Mitsuki was still brash, she didn't immediately start beating on Katsuki when he started to get a big head. If anything, I'd assume she waited about two years at most before she started letting the fists fly. Keep in mind, almost everyone Katsuki meets admires him for his abilities. Who's to say his mom wasn't one of those people at the start? It wouldn't have been until Katsuki ego started becoming a noticeable issue that Mitsuki decided she needed to tale care of it. Only problem? Mitsuki makes bad decisions, just like her son. Resorting to physical violence and verbal taunts did nothing to help Katsuki, but it's what Mitsuki knew how to do, so she rolled with that. I'm not giving Katsuki a pass because of this, however. Shoto essentially went through the same thing, and his response was not to endlessly shout at others or display dominance. The violence targeted at the boys was brutal, but violence doesn't justify more violence. Katsuki may have had a convenient excuse to start being an ass to people, but so did Shoto. And yeah, "Earlyroki" was an ass, but at least it wasn't intentional.

Before I go, I just want to bring up really quick where Masaru falls into this. One could argue that Masaru's also to blame for how Katsuki turned out for not stepping in but... have you seen Mitsuki, or even Katsuki for that matter? No offense to Masaru, but he's kind of a doormat character. He only married Mitsuki due to her persistence, and while Masaru's "Oxidizing Sweat" quirk is likely destructive, Masaru himself is... not. He seems to be the exact opposite of his wife and son personality wise, only instead of canceling them out, his lack of dominance forces him to run for cover should a dark omen come about. We've seen what Katsuki's done to Izuku before UA. Masaru basically has to put up with two of those, and unlike our protagonist, he doesn't have the resilience to withstand that much anger.

So...

TL;DR. Inko Midoriya is a great mom who just wants her son to be safe and happy. Rei Todoroki cares a lot about her son and is willing to work to show it, even in the face of setbacks. Mitsuki Bakugo is a terrible parent who either needs to figure out what's wrong with her son properly, or leave to someone who can.

Thank you for your time.

-Crimson Lion (24 November 2019)

[kuroopaisen]

HEY it’s me the anon from a few days ago that told you they’d panhandle for the in between crumbs 👨🏻‍🦽 i read pt 1 again while i ate lunch after work and omgncnsms i forgot how much i loved them lowering their walls (and the hesitation that comes w sharing something personal,, tbh not me i just be sayin shit sometimes yk MFNSNSN) but i rlly wanted to ask how long the writing process took you (in general and for this fic), what order you wrote all the scenes in (1/2)

and your favorite scenes from the fic 🥺 or rlly anything you want i love hearing ppl talk abt their writing 🥺🥺 i might send more asks as i inevitably reread the series tho LMAO i woke up today and told my best friend (who’s been lobbying for me to watch more than half of season one,,,, My Bad) that i was rereading this fic for The Serotonin 🤝🤝 also to avoid confusion i’ll call myself pan anon for now!! (2/2)

PAN ANON that’s so cute!! real talk, thank you for showing so much interesting in this fic? it’s my lil baby, and honestly hearing that you’re literally re-reading it is so wild to me,,, i have trouble conceptualising it? but thank you so so much you’re so sweet :( i’m so glad i could provide you with that precious Serotonin, that’s all i want to do,,,

you’ve given me the space to ramble so ramble i did,,, and therefore it’s under a cut fklfds i’m so sorry but also thank you so much (if you do want to ask more questions, don’t be afraid to! although this is,,, v long so i completely understand flkjsklfj)

how long the writing process took

in general: depends on a lot of factors, to be honest! how inspired i am, how long it’s going to be, how developed the idea is,,, generally, I tend to work on fics when I’m inspired to do them, or i won’t touch them for a long period of time. so, it’s hard to give an exact timeframe.

for example, iwaizumi’s birthday fic (ataraxia) was banged out in about a day? concept, writing, everything – mainly because i was on a timeframe, but also because it’s a relatively simple fic. simple premise, gentle but simple emotions, simple outcome. and, because i was inspired (see: under pressure), it was easy to get it all out. albeit ataraxia wasn’t beta’d, which is a bit of a problem for it as a representative of my writing ssjfdklj

something like brat, a more thought-out piece, it might take a week depending on inspiration? brat particularly inspired me (and i wish i’d turned it into a multi-parter now, tbh), so it was easy to get into.

for something like this or little changes, it takes a bit longer? little changes took about three weeks from conception to end product! which leads to…

for this fic: this fic was a bit weird in that i had the idea in my head for a few months? sort of,,, little scenes, and the desire to write something about kuroo and nekoma’s manager, incorporating the theme of ‘an in-between kind of love.’ the actual writing process, however, probably took two weeks?

the first week was pretty lax, and then the second was a whirlwind. It’s honestly sort of a haze because I would write for hours straight? i don’t know what happened, and a lot of the first draft was not good by any means, but yeah. that was one wild week.

poor ren (@/w-yuren – if you haven’t checked her out, please do! she’s the auntie of the fic tbh) proofread all of it over the course of a week because i wanted to get it out by a certain date (i didn’t end up meeting this deadline but Oh Well).

what order you wrote all the scenes in

i didn’t have a particular order!! i would just go for the scenes that i felt most inspired to write. for this fic, it was the scenes that took place more around the middle that i tended to gravitate towards? i found it surprisingly difficult to write the beginning (probably because by the time i got there, i had their dynamic established in my head – meaning that them being strangers was difficult to parse), and i put off the ending because i didn’t quite know how i wanted it to end (the original plan had them going to university – the slowest of all burns).

favourite scenes

so one of my favourite scenes was the one where the reader is having a breakdown in the gym; i didn’t end up doing it as well as i would’ve liked, but it gave me a space to explore some emotions i haven’t really had the chance to in my fics yet. it’s a mini-example, for me, of how cathartic writing can be – before this i’d only written a short daichi fic featuring a reader who had anxiety.

being able to tease out those emotions, but having them received willingly by kuroo, was soothing? and i also enjoyed that it gave me some space to give kuroo his own development, too; we don’t know where his mother is canonically, so divorce is certainly possible. and, speaking as a child of divorced parents, that sort of thing really affects you – often more than you realise. getting to explore that concept without making it the main point of the fic was enjoyable, in some way? it feels like the wrong word, but i can’t think of a better one.

i also enjoyed the scene where kuroo’s feeling down, and both kenma and the reader notice. bc this is a fic and not a full-blown novel, the relationships both kuroo and the reader have with other characters inevitably fall to the wayside, so i enjoyed every opportunity i had to explore the dynamics with other members of the nekoma team. and because kuroo and kenma are so important to each other, it was a joy working out how that’d factor into moments like this (especially since we don’t tend to see kuroo be down, you know?).

I also enjoyed the “ethically sourced” scene just because they’re being such Dumb Teens and i thought the dialogue was naturalish?

i also like the scene at the end of part 2, because i like exploring how we conceptualise love versus how we experience it. kuroo’s very much trapped between the two in that scene, and i think it’s very much something a teenage boy would contend with. especially because the way he conceptualises romantic love makes it something scary, something that could threaten the relationship they currently have.

and finally, i really like the final scene for two main reasons. one, because they don’t need to say “i love you”; they both know. and they know, because they exchange the “i wouldn’t be who i am today without you,” which speaks to their friendship and how they’ve affected one another. it’s also the culmination of both of them realising that it’s okay for them to feel multiple kinds of love for one another, and one doesn’t transcend or smother the other.

two, because it’s a moment of genuine, comfortable vulnerability; something that they’ve always offered each other in one way or another, but it’s usually been one of them comforting and supporting the other. but in this scene, the vulnerability is shouldered by both of them (the reader betrays her vulnerability by giving him a thoughtful present, and kuroo betrays his vulnerability by tearing up and making his confession).  

honestly i had some lofty ideas that i don’t think i totally made good on, but i like these scenes because they gave me the opportunity to explore emotions that i find very interesting, or that relate to my own experiences with love; it’s always been a very strange grey area for me, and since i like to write for catharsis, the in-between was an opportunity to reflect on that! 

i love the friends-to-lovers trope because it focuses on that interplay between different ideas of love, but in a mundane context, what does that mean? how do you draw the line between the two? should you draw that line? 

so i’ve rambled a lot (looking at this wall of text,,, i’m so sorry) but thank for you for letting me indulge myself aslkjd my vocabulary is very limited and i hope i don’t seem like a Tool. 

[imagine-lumpygrab]

I see you reblogged a writing prompt list so if possible may I request... Number 3 for angst or number 14 for fluff... Take your pick whatever inspires you more

Surprisingly, in spite of my natural leaning towards fluff, I was inspired by the angst prompt: “Why are you awake right now?”

It did turn into fluff after a while though, so... oops :D

––––––––––––––––

The Storm Cloud

(for @charliecharlo)

The city full of lemonpeople was very quiet during most nights. Most citizens of the earldom had similar sleep patterns and went to sleep at the same time, after all, but there were exceptions. A small boy in a house on the outskirts was finishing up his new sculpture. Elsewhere, a mother of two was checking on her children (who she’d planted, grown and raised herself, mind you) for the last time before going to bed.

Just like the city, the castle towering over it was, too, very quiet. The earl of Lemongrab himself, though, was wide awake, and the longer he stayed awake, the more suffocating the silence around him seemed to be. He’d grown accustomed to being around people in these last few months, he spent some time with Fern after they both got candified, he appointed several meetings with princess Bubblegum in an attempt (made on both sides) to fix both their personal relationships and ties between the kingdom and the earldom, and he was planning a small reunion tour with a music band his first predecessor used to be in, The Unacceptables. So far he’d only texted with them but tomorrow they had a band meeting planned and he wandered how it would go.

Would they even come? Weren’t like two of them dead? What are they going to say about him being dead for a while?

As the night progressed, he decided to at least be productive if his anxieties wouldn’t let him sleep. He could try and write a new song, at least he’d have an offering for the band meeting. So, not really knowing if there was even anything to write, he took a small notebook and a pencil he kept in his nightstand’s drawer and ventured out into his castle. Wherever he went, gentle light of lanterns appeared seemingly out of nowhere, lit up by the servants living in the walls. On other nights, he had a tendency to notice a small delay as those in charge of night lights were only starting their shift and he would probably tell them to be more responsible when on duty, but tonight he couldn’t find it in himself to care. He had more important stuff to overthink.

Finally, he settled with sitting down to the empty dining table in one of the biggest rooms in the castle. He remembered Lemongrab the Second’s proposal of getting rid of it and turning the hall into a ballroom once. He also remembered Lemongrab the First’s hesitant agreement, as the “original” earl of Lemongrab didn’t particularly like the crowds at the time. Later, the idea almost turned into a fully planned project when the older brother started a band and grew to love the attention their fans showered them with.

So ironic that he’d been destroyed by music only months later, along with his clone.

Lemongrab shuddered, at times he could swear to have heard Lemonhope’s harp again, echoing through his home, through his mind, soft melody piercing him and tearing him apart bit by bit. It took a while after he was stitched together to muster up the courage to start listening to any sort of music again, and whenever there was a harp in the room he needed desperately to be anywhere else. Thank Glob most people who knew him understood that.

He tapped the flat end of his pencil against a blank page of the notebook. What did he feel like writing about?

His mind went blank.

Now that he had decided to write something, he didn’t know how to start.

Any given word he could think of felt wrong.

He couldn’t even start the first verse.

“Well this is annoying,” he spoke out loud, partly to fight against the silence wreathing around him, but that only seemed to draw it closer to his skin, embracing and crushing him, why did it feel like that, why did the silence feel so… tangible? Why wasn’t he asleep, he should be asleep, was it bad that he wasn’t asleep? Was he doing something wrong? Was something wrong with him – again??

Lemongrab gripped the pencil tighter and shut his eyes tight. His annoyance slowly but surely morphed into something else, something darker, anger, most likely. Yes, that was it, anger was the right word. He had survived the end of the world and he survived the elemental powers of Ooo getting out of hand and he had survived his own death, why did it feel like he shouldn’t have, why did he feel like he was doing everything wrong, what was the meaning of this?!

A tap on his shoulder wrenched him out of the panicky state he was slowly succumbing to. As he opened his eyes, he realized he was pressing his forehead against the blank paper and the pencil he held was moments away from snapping in half.

Next to him was standing one of the servants who lived in the walls. He was holding Lemongrab’s phone, which was at the moment buzzing. The name on the screen made him sigh in relief: it was Lumpy Space Princess. Just the person he needed to talk to. She’d recently movies back to the Lumpy Space for her official coronation and to deal with paperwork and administration related to the process, and even though they called each other all the time, it couldn’t quite compensate for her absence.

Trying to compose himself as to not sound like he just almost had a mental breakdown, he took the phone and picked up. “Hi–”

“Why are you awake right now?” his girlfriend’s voice came through, sounding a little scolding and more than a little worried.

The question caught him off-guard. He squinted his eyes in confusion: “How… how do you even know I’m awake?”

He heard her make the quiet “psh” scoff she made whenever she was about to state the obvious. “Well, you don’t sound like you’d just woken up. You sound like you’ve been up and about for a while before you picked up the phone.” She paused for a second and then added: “Also Bubblegum texted me saying she saw light in your castle with one of her new drones.”

Lemongrab sighed. Of course she did. “That’s mother princess for you, I guess,” he mumbled while standing up from the desk and walking over to a window, trying to spot the drone. He saw nothing, however. Either it was far away or gone already, but it didn’t help his mood any.

“Yeah.. but she cares, LG,” LSP offered, trying to soothe his annoyance. “I think she’s just been on edge since experiencing the actual end of the world and her own family declaring war on her.”

“I’ve been on edge too!” Lemongrab exclaimed, throwing his hands up even though she couldn’t see the gesture. “And you don’t see me stalking the candy people! …not anymore at least.” He groaned, the lack of sleep was getting to him and princess Bubblegum spying on him, even if from afar, was only worsening his already fragile state.

And even if she was in a completely different realm at the moment, he knew LSP could tell he wasn’t feeling well. “Lemongrab, why don’t you tell me what’s keeping you up?”

“You should be sleeping too, though.”

“Eh, I’d spent the next three hours watching cat videos, talking to you is always cooler. Now, what’s on your mind? Spill it.”

So, he decided to spill it. “I couldn’t sleep, so I thought I’d write a song for the band meeting tomorrow, but instead I had a meltdown, I think.”

“What?!”

“I’m fine now though!” he rushed to assure her, but it didn’t seem convincing even to him. Is he really fine? He didn’t feel fine. But he didn’t want her to worry, either.

“I know you don’t want me to worry,” she spoke up, and for half a second he wondered (not for the first time) if lumpy space people could read minds. “But you know it helps to talk about stuff.”

He let go of the pencil, giving up on song-writing. Obviously, his muse decided to evade him for the evening. Instead he wrapped his free arm around himself in an attempt to chase away the impending feeling of loneliness. How could he feel so alone when all around him there were the lemon citizens and how could he feel like he was missing more than a few pieces when he was out together with more pieces than he dared to count? How could he feel so…

“Wrong,” he admitted to her. “I feel wrong.”

She kept silent. She knew there was more to it.

He continued, if only to protect himself against the silence. Also because he really wanted her to know. He wanted her to understand, and he knew she would. She always did. “I was… I was okay earlier today, I was okay yesterday, I was okay a week ago, but tonight I feel horrible, I feel stupid and I hate everything.” Mostly myself, he didn’t say out loud. “And I feel wrong for being annoyed and tired and angry when I don’t have anything in particular to be so annoyed and tired and angry for, you know?”

“Oh, baby,” she said softly. She desperately wanted to be there, to hug him and kiss him and hold him until he fell asleep. But she couldn’t. So she settled for the next best thing. “Most people have these intrusive thoughts from time to time, that we’re somehow broken. Let’s face it, most of us are. But that’s good.”

“Is it?”

“Yeah. Scars and imperfections show that you’ve lived. Having a writer’s block is normal, and being in a horrible mood from time to time is normal too. You know, I really miss you, and sometimes I catch myself lashing out at mom and dad because of it. But I think they know I’m just irritated, because they’re always chill about it.”

Lemongrab couldn’t help but smile a little. He did have an opportunity to meet her parents already and they were the sweetest people he’d met in a while. And as much as she tried to act cool and tough, LSP had proven to him on numerous occasions that she could be just as sweet. Like now. Now, she was making him feel better. “I love you,” he informed her, because even if it was out of nowhere, it just… seemed appropriate.

“I love you too,” she responded and he could almost see her gentle smile. “Don’t worry about anything, okay? You’re strong, I’ve seen it, I know it. But even the strongest people have to take breaks. What I’m trying to say is, if you can’t write anything, don’t force yourself into it. Go hang out with the camel or the pegasus if you still don’t feel sleepy,” she offered.

He was about to follow her advice, honestly, why not? He told her once how the second earl came up with that idea a while ago and Lemongrab still spent time in his stable sometimes when he was feeling down. He suspected he wasn’t the only lemoncreature to do so, too.

But his eyes wandered down to the table, and the notebook, and the pencil, and he blinked. And just like that, the exact words he was searching for popped into his head. “Wait, stop,” he spoke up to interrupt LSP as she was still trying to think of more stuff to calm him down. “What rhymes with ‘us’?”

She hummed, pondering the sudden question before answering: “Maybe ‘thus’?”

“Yeah,” he nodded, setting the phone down and catching the pencil like a hawk snatching up its prey. “Yeah, that’ll work!”

“What, what will work?” Her voice was laced with excitement as she realized: “Did you get an idea for a song??? Oh my Glob am I your new muse? I’m a totally awesome muse.”

“Hold on for a second.”

“Sorry, I’ll stop talking. Write your heart out.”

And as he wrote the lyrics down verse after verse, he believed he might have done just that. When finished, he read the lyrics back to LSP and the sheer excitement in her voice as she gushed about how wonderful his work was melted away his remaining discomforts.

“It’s not exactly our band’s genre…”

“It’s not set in stone, you can come back to it later. Or make it the special song for the end of the night, you know, a goodbye song after a good concert. Whatever you do with it, it’s gonna be awesome,” she assured him. “Am I right or am I right?”

He grinned. “Both.” Just then, he let out a yawn.

“Aha! I heard that! You’re going to bed right now, mister!” she said half-jokingly.

He chuckled softly and complied. For whatever reason, he suddenly felt like he could doze off right then and there, but he’d done that a few times before and when Bubblegum found out, she scolded him for hurting his back that way.

Before settling back into his bed, Lemongrab wished LSP a good night and thanked her for being there for him. She replied with a smug “always, my dearest lemonboy,” and hung up shortly after.

And before he fell asleep, a melody of the song he’d just come up played softly in his mind, for once bringing not bad memories, but a sense of ease and warm, gentle embraces.

Little drops of blue

Keep falling down and touching you

It’s the sky weeping

Over the tragedy you’ve been through

Little broken heart

Keeps getting ripped and torn apart

No ugly strings of yours

Can fix what never had to start

Little broken us

The rain will keep on weeping thus:

“Go touch the strings now”

And ugly turns vibrant, just because.

Little drops of blue

Keep falling down as I kiss you

It’s the sky weeping

Over the truth that I love you.

[croatian-magician]

It doesn’t mean anything

Pairing: Rakidric, hints of Sejan

Summary: Luka would never meet his soulmate, he knew it since his childhood. He was fine with it. Or at least, he pretended to be…

Word count: 3931

Notes: Did somebody say soulmate AU?

Luka’s soulmate died during the war.

At the time, he didn’t really care. He already had too much to grieve for anyway, just like he was too young to completely understand the meaning of the mark resting on his shoulder. When it faded to grey, he just shrugged it off and coped the only way he knew, by practicing football.

The looks of pity he got didn’t bother him either. As a refugee, he was used to it. What’s more, he had no time to waste with it. Not when he needed to train harder than anyone else to prove that despite being shy and small, as coaches so often blamed him, he could still do great things on a field.

However, this changed when he started playing for bigger clubs. Celebrity was seen as a great way to find your soulmate. You just had to put your mark on display, and boom, it was all over the news, making it easier to find your promised one.  So Luka started hiding his fading mark under bandages. He didn’t want the whole world to know he was doomed to never find his other half.

That simple thought still stung, so he didn’t want to have a thousand articles written about it. Also, he wanted to be judged on his football, and his football alone. Of course, that didn’t stop journalists from making hypotheses about his reluctance to show his soulmate mark to the world.

For some, he was acting out of shyness, while others deemed him too full of himself to ask for help in the search of his soulmate. Once more, he decided not to listen nor to care about their opinions and to go on with his life.

Things got better once he met Vanja. She was kind and understanding and everything he could have hoped for. With her by his side, the burden of his mark felt less heavy.

Of course, she had a soulmate and it wasn’t Luka. The colors of her mark still shone brightly on her  skin, yet, she was just as uncomfortable with it as Luka was with his own.

She’d told him the story, once. How she had met her soulmate a few years before meeting him and how it didn’t work out, at all. It was rare, but not unheard of. Sometimes, fate itself made mistakes.

With her, Luka could be himself without worrying about the secret of his mark. They started dating, then got married and from this moment, the whole world believed she was his soulmate and the rumors ended. It didn’t bother him, on the contrary. Sometimes, he even wished it was true.

It was nice when journalists stopped questioning him about this sensitive matter. With time, he even stopped looking at his faded mark when he bandaged it. He had a supportive wife and wonderful kids so he didn’t see the point of mourning a life that would never be.

Among his team mates, his mark was a subject everyone knew to avoid, may it be with with his club or when he played for his national team. He was thankful to see his friends respecting his private life to such an extent. No one shot weird glances at him when he went to the shower with his arm still bandaged, no one raised up the subject of soulmates when he was around to make sure he wouldn’t feel uncomfortable. Sometimes, he wondered what he had done to be lucky enough to have such great friends.

Of course, it didn’t leave him free of any insecurities. He still remembered the day Šime and Dejan realized they were soulmates, the first time they changed together in the locker room while playing for Croatia. He still remembered the awe in their eyes, the tears of joy streaming down their faces, their happy laughter. Luka was glad for them and wished them the best, but deep down, it hurt to know he would never experience anything like this.

Playing with his national team also meant playing with Ivan. From the very first time they met, somethings had just clicked between them. They understood each other pretty well, and Luka found it surprisingly easier to overcome his shyness when Ivan was around.

Their friendship grew strong, stronger than their rivalry. Luka laughed when journalists expected them to become sworn enemies just because he played for Real Madrid and Ivan for FC Barcelona. On the contrary, Luka was glad to have him as his opponent. Ivan forced him to keep working hard, to always get better, to surpass his limits every time they played against each other.

After each game, it was always the same. Ivan would come to him, take off his jersey, then hand it to Luka. The cocky words on his lips never changed.

“You played well, Luka. Now, here’s your beloved shirt.”

As always, it was just innocent banter, with Ivan reminding him again and again that he had once expressed his admiration for Barcelona, back when he had no idea fate would lead him to Real Madrid.

It quickly became a habit. Luka would answer with a smile and return the teasing as best as he could. He accepted the jersey every time, though. It was almost ridiculous, to be honest. By now, he had an entire shelf at home filled with FC Barcelona jerseys, with the name Rakitic printed on the back of each one. Maybe keeping them all was silly, but he couldn’t find the strength in himself to discard them. They were gifts from a dear friend, after all.

He just got home after a clasico, a new jersey in his hand, when his mark began to itch. Luka froze in his track and he gripped at his shoulder. The feeling was almost unbearable. Luka fought the urge to scratch his skin hard enough to draw blood as his eyes grew wet with tears.

He knew it could happen at some point. After a while, faded marks would start to peel off, just like skin did after recovering from a bad sunburn. But Luka’s soulmate died so long ago he thought it would never happen to him. All of a sudden, the pain he had tried to ignore for so many years overwhelmed him. He would never meet his soulmate. A piece of him would always be missing, no matter what he did.

Luka only realized he was still holding Ivan’s jersey after he buried his face in it to muffle his sobs. The fabric felt soft under his fingers and for some reason he couldn’t fathom, his friend’s smell soothed him. The ache in his shoulder slowly reduced until he stopped wanting to rip his own skin off. His chest was still heaving hard, but he wiped his tears off quickly. Vanja and the children weren’t home at the moment, and he didn’t want his family to see him in such a miserable state.

He quickly made up his mind and decided to act as though nothing happened. Luka wasn’t going to let this ruin his life, not after all the struggles he overcame to get where he was.

Just like he promised himself to never look again at his disappearing mark, not even while changing his bandages. He didn’t need another pathetic breakdown.

Wearing his country jersey always made Luka proud. When he was fighting for Croatia, he put all his personal problems aside just so he could give it his best. Today was no different. It was only a friendly game, but he had fought his way through it with all his strength to bring the victory to Croatia. He came back to the locker room exhausted but content, the thrill of success still burning in his chest. His team mates shared jokes happily, but Luka decided it was safer to head for the showers when he spotted Domagoj with a couple of beers in his hands. This screamed of mischief and Luka didn’t want to be caught in the middle of some prank.

Ivan grabbed a bottle of shampoo and headed the same way as him. Despite their victory, he was frowning and his jaw was clenched. Luka’s heart twisted at the sight. He decided he had to do something about it, as the captain of the team, but also as his friend.

“Something’s the matter, Ivan? You don’t look well. Did you hurt yourself during the game?”

Ivan looked lost, as if he was just waking up from a nightmare, but he quickly shook his head.

“No, don’t worry. I’m fine.”

Luka didn’t buy that, not when he could see the way Ivan’s knuckles tensed enough to turn white as he talked.

“Listen, whatever is happening, we can talk about it. I don’t know what you’re sheltering yourself from, but…”

“Why are you always covering your soulmark?”

Ivan’s tone was harsh, almost aggressive. This was as unexpected as the question itself. To Luka, it felt like a punch to the guts. He instinctively put his hand over the hidden patch of skin, as if to hide it better.

“It… It is none of your business, Ivan.”

Luka didn’t mean to be rude, but his voice came out sharp as a knife. When it came to his mark, it didn’t take much for him to get all defensive. Obviously, it wasn’t the good way to react, because Ivan’s eyes turned dark and for a second, Luka was almost scared of him.

“Really? Who’s the one sheltering himself, then? We’ve been friends for years, I thought you would trust me enough by then, but I guess I was wrong.”

“Ivan, what is this about? I don’t understand you. Let’s not throw a tantrum because of this.”

“Wow, so I’m throwing a tantrum? What am I to you, a reckless child? I’m not asking for much, just for you to show me what’s under this…”

Ivan reached for his arm and Luka shrieked when his fingers closed around the bandages covering his mark with the clear intention of ripping them off. He couldn’t believe his friend would betray his trust in such a way, invade his privacy without a thought for his feelings. However, Ivan seemed to realize it too because he stopped at the last second, his hand resting over the bandages.

“Fuck… I’m sorry… I shouldn’t have tried to do this… Please forgive me, Luka.”

He took a step back and Luka started breathing again. They stayed silent, facing each other, for an awkwardly long time. Ivan’s eyes were full of regret while Luka was still shaking slightly.

“Please, Lukita, say something. I didn’t want to hurt you, I swear. I would never… You mean too much to me. Please…”

Before Ivan could break into sobs, Luka ran into his friend’s arms. What had just happened, it wasn’t them. Maybe Ivan was just worried with a soulmark matter and hoped to find some support in him. This wasn’t worth fighting over.

“Don’t worry, Ivan, it’s alright. It’s just… What’s under those bandages, it’s not even worth mentioning. Trust me, it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t mean anything, really.”

Luka wished he believed in his own words. Anyway, for now, this was all the strength he could gather. Maybe one day, he would be confident to tell Ivan the whole story, but not today.

However, he didn’t expect Ivan to push him away, nor to see tears running free on his cheeks. Luka had never seen him so defeated before. A bitter laugh escaped his friend’s lips but soon turned into a painful sob.

“It doesn’t fucking mean anything! Yeah, I suppose I should have guessed sooner.”

“Ivan, you’re frightening me. Please, tell me what’s happening to you. Why are you speaking of soulmates all of a sudden?”

“Don’t. I’m not doing this, I can’t. Just leave me alone.”

Luka wanted to protest, but he didn’t get the chance. Ivan stormed out of the locker room, all thoughts of taking a shower forgotten. Luka tried to run after him, but in vain. No matter what he did, his friend managed to avoid him until it was time to take the plane to go back to their respective clubs.

His fight with Ivan left a painful hole in Luka’s chest. Not only that, but his mark started to burn him where his team mate had touched it. The itch was nothing compared to this. It felt as if someone had spilled molten iron on his skin. Ignoring it just wasn’t a possibility anymore.

Somehow, he managed to get home after his plane landed, even though his memory of it was blurry. He rushed to the kitchen sink, ripped off his shirt and his bandages, then covered his shoulder in ice cold water. Still, he kept his eyes closed, not wanting to witness the cruel sight of his markless skin. He let out a cry of pain when it didn’t do much to help.

“Oh no, Luka!”

He barely recognized Vanja’s voice through the pain. She rushed towards him then hugged him tightly, worry in her eyes. However, she calmed down when she noticed the pain was coming from his shoulder. Gently, she ran her hand through his hair in a soothing way.

“Don’t worry, I already know for your mark, I noticed it a few days ago. To be honest, I hoped you would come to talk to me about it.”

“What for?” Luka groaned. “Just so I could cry about how my mark is disappearing? I know I’ll never meet my soulmate, I accepted it 25 years ago.”

“For the love of god, Luka, please tell me you looked at it these last few days!”

“Of course I didn’t. I don’t see the point in hurting myself more than I already am.”

Vanja sighed, but she cupped his face in her hand gently, wiping out his tears.

“Just take a look at it, honey. For your own good.”

Luka couldn’t find it in himself to deny her, not when she was being so kind to him. He turned his head, his heart in his throat, before looking at his shoulder. A gasp of surprise escaped him when he discovered that his shoulder wasn’t bare as he had expected. There was no faded mark on his skin, either. Instead, a bright soulmark adorned his arm. The number seven, checkered in red and white.

“It… It can’t be. My soulmate’s dead.”

“I know, Luka. I didn’t believe it could happen either, not until I made some researches about it when I saw your mark changing.”

Vanja smiled, before explaining to him how in some rare cases, your soulmate could change if you became close enough to someone compatible with you. Luka listened with bewildered eyes, all the while grimacing because of the pain, even though it was getting more tolerable.

“Vanja… Your mark… Did it change?”

Deep down, he already knew the answer, but he had to be sure. He lived with Vanja, she was the mother of his children, so maybe fate would be kind enough to…

“No, but I’m still glad you asked. Anyway, let’s be real. We both know who your soulmate is.”

“Ivan.”

The name left his lips in a whisper and the moment he pronounced it, Luka suddenly understood his friend’s strange behavior, his sudden questions about soulmarks, and…

And Luka had told him a few hours ago that his mark didn’t mean anything to him.

“I’m just a fool, I rejected him without even realizing we were… that he was my… At least it explains why my mark is hurting so much right now.”

And Ivan was the rejected one, which meant his own mark certainly hurt ten times more. Breaking the bond uniting soulmates was extremely painful, everyone knew this. Vanja had also shared everything with him about her own experience. Luka felt sick to his stomach. The mere idea of being responsible for putting Ivan through so much pain… Now he hated himself.

“What should I do, Vanja? I’m not supposed to have a soulmate, I…”

“Go to him.”

“But… But what about you? I don’t want to hurt you either.”

“It’s alright, don’t worry. As long as you keep a place for me and our kids in your heart, I’m fine with it. Ivan is your soulmate, love. Don’t give up on him, not even for me.”

“You’re the best, Vanja. I don’t deserve you.” Luka let out, hugging her tightly, tears in his eyes.

“Of course, you do, don’t say stupid things. Now hurry, I’ll take care of the kids while you’re gone.”

Luka didn’t waste a single minute. It was already dark when he took his car and he knew that driving all the way to Barcelona in his state wasn’t the best idea in the world, but he couldn’t wait any longer. He needed to see Ivan, to tell him he was sorry, that their bond did mean something to him.

Each minute separating him from Ivan was pure torture. His arm tingled and itched and burned while his mind was a mix of fear, eagerness and excitement. He had a soulmate. Even better, Ivan was his soulmate. He only needed to clear the misunderstanding and then…

He sobered up when he arrived in front of Ivan’s flat. The lights were still on, the proof that his friend wasn’t able to sleep. Luka parked his car as quickly as he could before rushing to the front door and ringing the bell. He waited for a few seconds, but no answer came. He repeated his action, only to be rewarded with silence once more.

Ivan was at home, sure, but he didn’t want to see anyone, it seemed.

Luka couldn’t give up so easily. Not when he had the power to soothe his friend’s pain. He looked up, all the way to the balcony above him. The idea that crossed his mind was ridiculous and looked like it was taken straight out to a Romeo and Juliet comedy, but to hell with it. If this was what it took him to reach Ivan, then so be it.

He started climbing clumsily, thanking his years of football training for his strong muscles. The effort took him all his strength and he was out of breath when he reached the balcony. Getting on the other side was going to be another story, or at least he thought so before someone caught his hand. He looked up and his eyes met Ivan’s.

His friend looked miserable, with his eyes red and puffy from crying. He helped Luka up, but with no enthusiasm. Before Luka could get enough air back in to talk, he snapped at him.

“I don’t know why the hell you’re here, but you’d better leave this instant. I don’t want to see you.”

“Ivan, listen…”

“No, leave me alone! I don’t want to hear empty excuses. All this doesn’t mean anything, remember?”

“I drove here all the way from Madrid, Ivan. Do you really think I would have done it if you didn’t mean anything to me?”

“Well, maybe you should have thought about that before.”

“I didn’t think I had a soulmate.”

“Yeah, rig- Wait, what?”

“You heard me well. My mark faded when I was a kid, so I assumed my soulmate was dead, that I would never meet that special someone. That’s why I covered my arm, to avoid drama in the newspaper, but also so I wouldn’t be reminded of it everyday. I’ve stopped looking at it years ago. When my skin started itching, I thought the mark was disappearing and I didn’t want to look at that either. That’s why I said it didn’t mean anything. But now… Now I know the truth. Your mark must have changed as well, right?”

Ivan nodded shyly, before uncovering his own shoulder. He still looked suspicious and Luka could tell it would take him some time to regain his trust. Ivan’s mark looked strikingly similar to his own, except it was a ten engraved on his shoulder. Luka’s number.

He didn’t even think before kissing the mark softly. Ivan flinched at first, but he soon relaxed into the touch. Luka could feel the pain in his own shoulder decreasing until it turned into a gentle thrum.

“You really had no idea?”

“Not a clue. I’m lucky Vanja actually told me. I didn’t understand why you were suddenly acting so weird. And my soulmark has always been a sensitive matter to me, so…”

“And I thought that you didn’t want me. I tried to get closer to you during training, to touch you more than usual, so that you’d know that I was okay with this, with us. I started wondering if you weren’t covering your mark so I wouldn’t see it. I tried to understand why you didn’t want me...”

“It’s alright, I’m here now, Ivan. I love you and I’m not going anywhere.”

Luka wrapped his arm around him, not protesting when Ivan buried his face in his neck and started crying quietly. He ran his fingers through his hair tenderly, trying his best to bring peace to Ivan. To his soulmate. In his hurry to protect him from suffering any longer, he was only now grasping the true meaning of these words. Ivan was his soulmate.

“I’m so glad it’s you, you have no idea.” He whispered.

Next thing he knew, Ivan trapped his lips in the most intense kiss he had ever experienced. Luka closed his eyes and let the other man take the lead, moaning softly under his ministrations. All he breathed was Ivan, all he tasted was Ivan, and it felt oh so right.

“Well, I guess Šime and Dejan won’t be able to brag anymore about how they’re the only soulmate couple in the team, now.” Ivan laughed after they parted.

“You know them, they’ll find something else.” Luka chuckled. “I’m so sorry I made things so complicated for us. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

His voice grew soft as he leaned into Ivan. The exhaustion caused by his improvised trip was catching back on him. Ivan’s arms felt safe around him and right now, they were his favorite place in the world.

“I forgive you. I was stupid too, I should have confronted you directly instead of throwing hints around in hope you would understand.”

“That’s not true, I’m the one who panicked when you began talking about soulmates and…”

“Shh, it’s no use blaming yourself now. You look so tired, Luka, wanna join me in bed?”

Luka blinked, not knowing if this was an innocent proposition or if Ivan was actually suggesting more than sleeping. But before he could figure it out, a loud siren started roaring down the building and Ivan sighed.

“I think climbing your way up here to see me wasn’t your most clever idea.”

“You wouldn’t let me in! I didn’t really have a choice.”

“Maybe, but I think the neighbors just called the cops on you.”

Luka groaned while Ivan showed no compassion for him, too busy laughing at the situation they were in.

“You won’t be this happy if this story ends up on the news.” The smaller one protested.

“I admit, explaining this won’t be easy. But finally being with you will be worth all the struggles, no matter what happens. Not to mention that even if journalists start talking about it, it will make a pretty love story, you climbing up my balcony to declare your undying love to me.”

“Shut up, this is embarrassing!”

“Yeah, love you too, Lukita.”

Tag list: @tinymodric @arduango @slashandsports @mamaopal @zadarskabagudina @flemishyugotalian @man-dzukic @domo-no-domo-yes @mrsmodric

Just ask if you want me to add you to the tag list ^^

[condensed-theorem-shop]

My Emotional First-Aid Kit

There’s a box which I keep under my bed for emergencies.

I’ve had this for years. It works pretty well for me. I recommend it to people with brain issues, or other reasons to expect to have emotional emergencies.

A big part of the function of the box is that, when I’m having a breakdown of some kind, it’s hard for me to remember my various coping techniques exist; and for those which actually need stuff, it’s way beyond me to go track down the stuff. So the things in the box are meant to remind me that my techniques exist, as much as to facilitate their use.

(Continued under cut for length.)

I have a few rules about things that go in the box:

Nothing that I will feel guilty about using up/“wasting.” I know from experience that when I’m having a brain episode, it almost always features worries about whether this is really a real brain episode or whether I’m “faking” it and so “don’t deserve” self-care. So I short-circuit that by not putting anything in the kit which is both (a) consumable and (b) sufficiently expensive/limited that I’ll worry about “wasting” it.

Nothing that risks making me more anxious. This is maybe an obvious one but still affects my decisions for how to stock the kit. For example, some people like to include a small amount of cash for renting a movie/buying snacks/whatever; I don’t, because that will sometimes get me anxious about my spending habits.

Nothing that isn’t a pleasant sensory experience. Everything in the box is both useful and a sensory delight; this helps keep me from finding the kit aversive to use, and means that just going through the objects deciding which to use is soothing and calming.

Nothing I could use to self-harm. Strictly speaking, I could use almost anything to self-harm, but I at least avoid anything that would work well for my preferred methods. The big one is avoiding anything sharp -- I don’t even keep pencils in the kit. I’m going to be using this at really vulnerable moments; I don’t want to dangle temptation in front of my future self.

So what sorts of things do go in the box? I have a few broad categories:

Something for each sense. For grounding exercises, because I find this very useful. I can go through the things in the kit and just focus on experiencing each one, paying attention to sensory input in the here and now.

Something to redirect self-harming urges. I frequently turn to the kit as an alternative to self-harm; it was very useful in helping me break the habit in the first place.

Something comforting. Kind of an obvious one.

Something to remind me to be gentle with myself. This is a sort of opposite action for self-harm: instead of being rough with myself, I’m deliberately gentle.

Something affirming. Lots of generically-affirming stuff is actively counterproductive; through a series of iterations, I’ve managed to figure out things I’m likely to actually believe in the middle of a brain episode.

Something distracting. Sometimes that’s the best way to get through the immediate crisis.

Something to keep my hands busy. Finding something more attractive to do with my hands can be a surprisingly good method of avoiding self-harm, for me.

Something to work through emotions. Safe ways to express them which don’t involve self-harm. Because just trying to calm myself isn’t always a great idea.

Something to remind me why I stay alive. Reminders of the people who love me. Because, whatever therapists keep telling me, “because it would make people sad” is an excellent reason not to kill myself; and it’s one that still feels compelling even at my very worst moments.

These categories work pretty well for me; if you’re primarily dealing with something other than depression and self-harm, or if your brain just works differently than mine, you may well want different ones.

I go through the kit every so often when I’m not in the middle of an episode to restock consumables, remove things that don’t work as well as I’d hoped, clean things that need it, etc. I also just generally keep an eye out for new things to add to it; these are most often things I happen to acquire and realize would work well in it, but sometimes I do buy things specifically for it.

An actual list, then, of the things in my emotional first-aid kit:

A tiny stuffed kitten. Very soft. Comforting. I’ll often take it out first thing and cuddle it while deciding which other things I want to use.

A squeezy toy. Good for keeping my hands busy. Mostly, though, it’s a why-I-stay-alive thing. It was originally my little sister’s; she noticed that it was the kind of stimmy thing I use for anxiety and gave it to me. She has a severe anxiety disorder and I have tried really hard to be a good role model for her of coping with mental illness; the toy reminds me of that.

A fuzzy rubbery duck. For interesting tactile sensations.

A nubbly rubber ball. Ditto; and the nubs aren’t sharp enough to be painful or tempting as a self-harm method, but they are interesting when squeezing it, in a way that makes this a good self-harm redirector.

A yo-yo. For whatever reason, the simple throw-and-return of a yo-yo does an excellent job for me of redirecting self-harming urges. Doing it forcefully feels isomorphic in some way to the action of cutting, without the part where I’m injuring myself. Plus it transitions naturally into a calmer soothing thing.

A tiny pillow with my initials embroidered on it. Soft and comforting and my little sister made it for me so it’s a good why-I-stay-alive.

Beanbag balls. Like you use for juggling. Squeezing them hard can be good for redirecting self-harm; tossing them up and down or against a wall can keep my hands busy; throwing them hard can do emotional expression.

Hard candies. To cover taste in the list of senses. Also good as a sort of stalling tactic: “I’m not going to do anything until I finish this candy.” And comforting, and a way to be good to myself. And they stimulate thirst and appetite, so if I’m having a brain episode because I haven’t been eating/drinking enough, they can help remind me to go do that. Not chocolate; that’s tempting enough I’ll end up eating it when I’m not having a brain episode and then being out when I do.

A little ceramic box. I usually keep the candies in this. It’s from my godmother, so it reminds me that I’m loved (and that I have people I can ask for help if I need it). And it clicks open and shut in a very sensory-pleasing way, which covers sound in the list of senses and can keep my hands busy.

A mini-Tangle. Good for keeping my hands busy; I’ll play with that for hours.

A set of polished natural magnets. Another keep-my-hands busy sensory-pleasing thing; but it also helps me calm down, because of the way the strong magnets act. If I’m trying to arrange them in a certain way, I need to be slow and careful and calm about it, or they’ll just snap back together. Trying to arrange them all separately on a flat surface can be surprisingly effective at calming me down.

A little wire model bicycle. I like occupying my hands and self-soothing by spinning the wheels.

A bobbly squeezy rubber toy. Another thing to occupy my hands; also very satisfying for forceful shaking, in a way that makes it good for emotional expression. And it makes interesting noises.

A chewable necklace. Soothing, sensory, but its primary purpose is actually redirecting self-harm; one of the things I’ve done more frequently is biting myself.

Markers, orange and blue. Straightforward self-harm-redirection; I use them to draw on my skin instead of cutting. Orange is for when I want it to look more like injuries, blue is for less. (I tried red but found that looked too much like injuries and ended up making me want to self-harm more.)

A piece of cloth my sister embroidered with “I love [my name]”. For the obvious staying-alive purpose. Also good for being-gentle-with-myself; trailing soft cloth over my skin instead of hurting myself can be an effective opposite-action thing for me.

A small pad of paper and a box of crayons. For drawing to express feelings. Having specifically the small paper (a little bigger than an index card) and the smallest box of crayons (the little box of eight), and crayons rather than any other drawing implement, helps me actually do this. A full-sized piece of blank paper is too intimidating; too many colors gets me decision-fatigued in the middle of a brain episode; but drawing with crayons convinces my brain it’s fine if the drawing is terrible, and lets me just use it to work through feelings instead of getting all self-conscious about drawing quality. (I keep the drawings, in the bottom of the box, but folded so I don’t accidentally see them. The idea of getting rid of them is super distressing; keeping them lets me feel like I can let go of the emotion, because I’ve still got it, stored up carefully in the box. But running across them inadvertently is also pretty distressing. So this is the compromise.)

A picture of myself as a kid. Because sometimes my brain finds “you wouldn’t hurt her, would you?” a compelling argument.

Index cards with notes to myself. Written and culled over time to optimize for what I actually find credible/comforting when having a brain episode.

A book I’m in the middle of. This is an A+ distraction technique. I find a nice accessible can’t-put-down book that I know I’m going to like, read a bit of it, and then stop and put a bookmark in and put it in the box. Then when I’m having a brain episode I can pick it up again and be distracted from Feelings until I’ve had quite a bit of time to calm down. (The current book is Neverwhere.)

I’m constantly adjusting and refining what’s in the kit, based on what I actually use and how much it helps! Other good things I’ve had at various points include:

A little bottle of vanilla extract. For smell on the list of senses. Also, nice to have to go with breathing exercises.

Fuzzy socks. For touch, and comfort, and letting myself have nice things.

An MP3 player and earbuds. For sound, and working through emotions. Stocked with appropriate music, obviously.

Bubble wrap. For expressing emotions and keeping my hands busy.

Bang snaps. Those little things you get at parties as a kid that snap and flare when you throw them at the ground, you know? Awesome for expressing emotions.

[crispychrissy]

Lost and Found - Part 3

Summary: You make breakfast for the boys and after an unfortunate incident, you find out something big about what might have happened during those ten missing years. Pairing: Sam Winchester x Reader, Dean Winchester, Castiel Word Count: 2564 Warnings: Angst, mental breakdown, language, sweaty!Sam (always needs a warning) A/N: More things are being revealed but it also leaves more questions. I hope you guys are liking this series. :) Beta’d by the amazing @saxxxology and if you want to be tagged in this series, please send me an ask!

Lost and Found Masterlist

You barely slept the entire night, tossing and turning in the unfamiliar bed. You could deal with the supernatural being real, and in time, with your dad’s death… but knowing your uncle’s body was walking around with an angel inside it? Impossible.

A soft knock on your door drew your attention away from your racing thoughts.

“Hey, it’s Sam.”

“Come in,” you rasped, throat sore and dry from sleep. You reached over and grabbed the water bottle from the nightstand as the door slowly inched open.

He didn’t come into the room, but stood in the doorway, blocking most of the light from the hallway from spilling into the room. “It’s a little after seven, I’m heading out for my morning run. I didn’t know if you were a morning workout person, but I thought I would offer.”

“I appreciate it, Sam, but I’m still trying to wrap my head around everything.” You offered a shy smile and chugged the rest of your water. “Maybe sometime later this week?”

Sam nodded and smiled in response and scratched his head, tucking a strand of his hair behind his ear. You found your eyes slowly tracing over his body as he shut the door, admiring the toned thighs and muscular torso of the younger Winchester before he disappeared from your sight. You sighed, knowing you weren’t going to be getting any more sleep, and threw the covers off your body.

Sam had warned you that you would get lost the first few times you tried to navigate through the bunker, and holy shit was he right. The hallways seemed to go on forever, surrounding you in an endless loop of fluorescent lights and dull tile. It wasn’t until you heard the quiet padding of feet behind you did you spin around and start walking back the way you came from.

“Lost?” Dean grunted, eyes barely open and his hair mussed from sleep.

“Yes. Sam wasn’t kidding. I was about to just sit down against the wall and wait for rescue,” you let out a soft giggle.

Dean just gave a grunt of approval in response and pointed toward a hallway to his left. You nodded and allowed him to direct you toward the kitchen, where you tensed up at the sight of Castiel sitting at the table. He must have sensed your uncomfortableness as he looked up and immediately stood up the second you walked into the room.

“I’ll be in the library,” Castiel said, quickly turning and walking briskly from the room.

“Was it something I said?” You asked Dean as he poured himself a cup of coffee.

“Nah, Cas can sense things and he’s probably getting some pretty weird vibes from you, sweetheart. Feel free to talk to him. He’s weird, but the good kind of weird.” Dean turned around and took a sip of coffee. “Basically treat him like a child.”

“A child?” You arched a brow, confused as to why Dean was telling you to treat an Angel like a child.

Dean nodded. “Cas has been around humans for years, but he still has trouble grasping things like sarcasm, emotions, and other humanity-related stuff. He can also be brutally honest, too. Just like a kid.”

“Ah, okay. Noted. I’ll chat with him later, then,” you walked over to the fridge and opened it. “You guys got any bacon?”

“A girl after my own heart,” Dean drawled with a laugh, “bottom shelf behind the eggs.”

You shook your head and rolled your eyes as you removed several cartons of fruit, bacon, and the crate of eggs. “Scrambled?”

“That’s fine,” Dean said, filling up his coffee cup again. “Pans are on the top shelf over the stove and utensils are in the drawer to the left over there.”

You nodded a thanks and began to cook breakfast. After digging around the cupboards, you finally found what you were looking for. You pulled out the blender and plugged it in as Dean eyed you with curiosity.

“Do you or Sam have any allergies to food?” You asked Dean and he shook his head no in response. “Good. I’m making Sam a smoothie since I think he’s not the bacon and eggs type.”

“Good observation. Accurate, too,” Dean nodded. “I’m sure Sammy will appreciate that. As do I.”

“Oh, what about Castiel? Does he… do Angels eat?” You clicked the tongs in your hand a few times and then flipped the bacon.

“No, he doesn’t. He doesn’t sleep either,” Dean responded.

You were just putting the final pieces of fruit in the blender as a loud metal clang echoed through the bunker and feet were coming down metal stairs again. Right as a very sweaty Sam stepped into the kitchen, you clicked on the blender, mixing bananas, strawberries, and orange juice, and vanilla-flavored yogurt.

You were momentarily distracted by Sam as his chest heaved through his gray tank top. He wiped sweat from his brow using a small washcloth, his muscles glistening and rippling. You admired how the sweat soaked fabric stuck to his skin and showed off the impressive definition of his chest.That distraction was all it took for you to spin too quickly and accidentally touch your hand to the extremely hot side of the cast iron pan on the stove.

“Fuck!” You retracted your hand and immediately ran over to the sink to run cold water over the burn. The initial pain from the burn was already gone, meaning nerve damage, and you knew that it was at least a second degree burn, if not third.

Sam was right next to you, grabbing your wrist and examining your hand as you ran it under the cold water. Dean walked over and shut off the blender and stove, stealing a piece of bacon from the pan and sliding it onto a plate. Castiel poked his head into the kitchen, responding to your scream.

“Hey Cas, you wanna heal her? It’s a pretty bad burn,” Sam gestured to your hand.

You cocked your head to the side and shook your head. “Whoa, wait a second. I don’t… it’s just a burn. I’ll be fine.”

Sam frowned at your protest. “Y/N that’s a serious burn, you won’t be able to close your hand for weeks. Cas heals us all the time, you’ll be fine.”

“Okay, I’m all for being touched by an angel, but… I don’t want to hurt him.” All three men furrowed their brows at your reasoning. “I mean, we don’t know what wiped my memories, I don’t want it to still be around me or in me and potentially harm him. I’m guessing that people that hurt or kill angels aren’t going to heaven.”

Dean couldn’t help the laugh that escaped his lips. “We’ve killed dozens of angels, and we’re fine. Not all angels are nice like Cas. Sam is the only one out of us that hasn’t killed any.”

“Not for any specific reason,” Sam chimed in, “Dean is a kill hog and usually finishes the job before I can.”

“You’re welcome for saving your ass all those times, Sammy. Don’t forget that.” Dean raised his coffee cup and smirked.

Castiel made his way over to you and he avoided your eyes, shifting on his feet. Was he nervous? Can Angels even get nervous? Sam stepped back and walked over to the counter. He eyed the fruit mixture in the blender and he looked back at you. You nodded in confirmation and he smiled, mouthing a “thank you” at you. You turned your attention back to the Angel in front of you and a smile twitched at your lips.

“So… how does this work? The whole healing thing? Do I need to pray or something?” You asked, still unsure if you even believed anything that was going on.

“No, I just need to touch your forehead,” Castiel reassured you.

“Will it hurt?” Your voice was so quiet, you weren’t sure if he heard you.

“No, it may feel like a subtle warm or tingling sensation that spreads under your skin, but it will not be uncomfortable,” he soothed, “are you ready?”

You nodded and closed your eyes, afraid the nerves would get the best of you and you wouldn’t be able to speak. You felt Castiel press his surprisingly warm fingers on your forehead and the dull ache from the burn begin to disappear. You opened your eyes and were able to watch the last bit of the burn disappear from your hand. Your mouth fell open as you looked up at him. His brow was furrowed and it felt like he was still healing you, even though the burn was already gone.

“Castiel? Are you okay? The burn is gone.” You asked, your question drawing the attention of both Winchesters.

He opened his eyes and almost stumbled backwards if not for your quick reflex of grabbing his wrist to steady him. Your eyes went wide in concern at the distressed Angel in front of you as Sam and Dean ran over to assist.

“She’s resonating. Y/N, you’re resonating.” Castiel’s voice raised the second time he said it.

You had no idea what that meant, but you saw recognition on both of the Winchester’s faces. “Is he trying to hit on me or something? What the hell is going on? Hello? Newbie over here.” You waved your hands.

“Oh, uhh, sorry Y/N,” Sam spoke up. “It’s-”

“-complicated?” you finished his sentence and he nodded. “Okay, just get it over with and tell me.”

“Well, we know what possessed you,” Sam explained. “It was an Angel. When an angel leaves a vessel, it leaves some grace behind. When Cas was healing you, it resonated with his grace.”

“Okay, but why don’t I remember anything?” You crossed your arms in front of your chest. “Castiel mentioned that he and my Uncle Jimmy shared a consciousness, meaning that Jimmy shared some experiences. Mine are wiped clean.”

“Angels have the ability to wipe memories. They wave their magic wand and you go all Memento,” Dean colorfully explained.

“There’s no wand - I don’t have a wand,” Castiel quipped, “but he is correct. I believe the angel that possessed you wiped your memories. I am unsure as to the reason behind it, but without knowing the name of the angel, we won’t know why.”

“So do Angels just pick a random person and take over, hoping the human will play ball?” You asked, your head starting to swim with questions again.

Castiel shook his head, inspecting your hand where the burn used to be. “No. All angels, including Lucifer, must ask permission to inhabit a human vessel. Demons do not. Sam was possessed by Lucifer about eight years ago and he had to grant permission.”

You snatched your hand back from Castiel’s grasp and started at him with wide eyes. “I’m sorry, did you say Lucifer? As in Satan?”

“Yes,” Castiel tilted his head. “Is there a problem?”

“Muffins,” you mumbled.

“Sorry?”

“Muffins. I can make some muffins,” you slowly shuffled over toward the stove. “I saw some flour and you have blueberries in the fridge.”

The Winchesters exchanged glances before looking at Castiel, who only shrugged in response. They all watched in awe as you robotically maneuvered around the kitchen and began to combine the ingredients for blueberry muffins.

Sam came over and lightly grasped your arm, trying to get you to stop, but you shook from his hold and continued making the batch of muffins. You had so many questions going through your head, so many thoughts, that all you could do was revert back to something you knew, something that grounded you - cooking.

“I think we broke her,” Dean commented, his eyes following you as you gracefully drifted around the kitchen. “Did you have to bring up Lucifer, Cas?”

“I was being honest. Isn’t that what always causes issues between you two? Dishonesty?” Castiel said.

A hateful glance from both Winchesters was all Castiel needed before he quickly left the kitchen, headed back toward the library. Sam heaved a sigh and shook his head.

“You’re better with the feelings stuff, you handle this one, Sammy.” Dean slapped Sam on the back and grabbed his coffee from the table before leaving the kitchen to meet Castiel in the library.

Sam stared at you for a few moments before he ran a hand through his hair. He walked over and did the only thing he could think of. He stopped you mid-stride and pulled you into his arms, squeezing you close to his chest. The moment you felt his arms wrap tightly around your body, the dam broke. You sobbed into the younger Winchester’s chest for what felt like hours, sniffling and fisting your hand into his flannel. “It… it’s too much, Sam. Why did this happen to me?” You managed to whimper between sobs.

Sam shushed you and ran his hand up and down your back to comfort you. You leaned back away from his embrace and looked up at him, tears still streaming down your face. He looked down and offered a sympathetic smile, dimples indenting his cheeks.

You had no idea what took over you at that moment, but you closed your eyes and pressed your lips against his. He inhaled quickly, exhaled much slower, and before he could move you pulled away and opened your eyes, only to be met with Sam’s wide eyes looking back at you.

“I’m sorry,” you stammered, pulling completely away from his embrace, running a finger over your lips. “I don’t… I don’t know why I did that.”

“It’s okay, Y/N. People have different reactions to grief. I work out, Dean drinks, and Cas… well, I’m not sure what Cas does,” he rubbed his hand up and down your arm.

You nodded, but your head was clouded with thoughts of Sam. You wanted to thank him for helping you and he was so sweet that you just followed your heart. You shook your head and went back to mixing the batter for the muffins.

Sam lightly squeezed your arm in concern and you looked over your shoulder at him, nodding and smiling that you were okay. “Might as well finish them. Don’t want it to go to waste.”

“Yeah, of course,” he chuckled nervously. “Come join us in the library when you put them in the oven, alright? We’ll answer any questions you have.”

“I will, thank you, Sam,” you felt his hand slip down your arm and squeeze your hand reassuringly, lingering there for a few seconds longer than you expected.

You turned back toward him and he shot you a playful wink, causing your cheeks to heat up, before he began to walk out of the kitchen. Was he flirting? Could you really do this with someone who is in this hunter lifestyle? You shook the doubts out of your head and remembered you wanted to ask him something before he left.

“Sam?” He turned around. “Can we go to my dad’s house tomorrow? I need to see if there’s anything still there. Any books you guys can use or pict-pictures.”

He nodded quickly. “Of course, I know how important family is. You won’t be facing this alone, Y/N. Don’t forget.”

You smiled and wiped a stray tear from your cheek with your finger, watching as Sam left the kitchen.

Tags: @katymacsupernatural @queen-of-deans-booty @your-modern-shakespeare @wh1sp3r1ng-impala @wheresthekillswitch @holyfuckloueh @just-another-busy-fangirl @growningupgeek @ididntasktogetmadedidi @trashimaginezblog @jensen-gal @spnbaby-67 @feelmyroarrrr @donnaintx @potterhead1265 @mizzezm @there-must-be-a-lock

Lost and Found Tags: @jadepc @paradisecityplease @sammit-janet @luciferskidd @diana-reads1 @laws16 @winchesterxtwo @atc74 @artistxalex @abbytheghostcat @emmazach @animelover177 @dannbyu @its-impala67 @ladydw @grace-for-sale @icequeen6666 @30inlovewiththecoco1 @georgialouisea @dancingalone21

[drarrylovebot-blog]

Hugs.

Draco doesn’t exactly sure about what was going on at the moment, but honestly, he hasn’t really certain about anything in his life since the war ended, so this could just be another weird thing in that pile of uncertain moment. A few minutes ago, he was just lounging in his bed, trying to solve his Transfiguration homework, while managing to steer clear from the now combined common room for the entire Eight Year students. Suddenly, Harry Potter, who somehow managed to become his roommate at the start of the year, noisily barges into the room and slams the door closes, making Draco jumps in his bed. Draco keeps his silent but not averting his focus from the raging boy in front of him. Potter seems livid, even though Draco doesn’t understand why, it’s not everyday people can see the savior of wizarding world openly fuming in anger, especially after the war. After a few minutes with Potter only facing the wall wile trying to even his breathing, Draco finally decides that it doesn’t worth his time, so he tries focusing in his homework. Well, that turns out to be a futile idea because Potter suddenly decides to punch the wall with an angry shout, which once again makes Draco jumps.

“Screw this.” Draco mutters before putting his homework aside and tries to assess the situation with his whole focus. He draws blank on what could possibly makes Potter furious before dinner even starts, but there he stands, basically oozing negativity out of his pores. Draco rolls his eyes, this must be some Gryffindor’s sensitivity nonsense. He gets irritated when once again Potter just channels out his anger by yelling out in anger. “Dammit, Potter, stop it! What makes you so bothered before dinner even started?!”

“Shut it, Malfoy.” Harry only mutters without any resentment in his voice, his shoulders suddenly hunch, his posture slumps down in a matter of second. He suddenly just flops down in the middle of the room, curling up with knees on his chest, glasses thrown away, and face hidden behind his palms. Draco is stunned. Never once in a million year he imagines he’ll witness something this bizarre. Harry bloody Potter is openly having a mental breakdown in front of his one and only arch enemy. So yeah, Draco is pretty baffled right now because one, this is not something he ever expects to happen, and two, he’s not even good with emotions. What on Earth he must do now?! He can’t just ask Potter to stop being weak and face his problem head on, can he? No, of course not, he would get hex before he can utter a single a word, but he can’t just stay here and do nothing, or worse leave him to weep alone?! Wait. Wait a second, yes he can, where the bloody hell on earth do these thoughts of comforting Potter even come from? He’s Draco Malfoy, he’s the enemy of Harry Potter, of course he can just get up and leave, it will be the most logical thing to expect from him anyway.

Draco is halfway across the room when suddenly there’s a sob echoing around the room, a loud and clear sob followed by a small whimper, and Draco’s feet stop by their own accord. He looks back at the boy he always thinks as a hero, the strong powerful young wizard who managed to single handedly defeat the most evil wizard of all time now seems small, defeated, and broken. And somehow it doesn’t feel right for Draco to leave the room, Draco believes that if there’s one person who deserves happiness after the war ended, it’s Harry Potter, at least for managing to save wizardkind, because Draco is certain that Potter was not obliged to search and kill Voldemort, he could just leave and hide so that Voldemort didn’t kill him, but instead he faced the evil wizard head on. Draco is forever in debt with the boy, even if he won’t admit it openly, not leaving the boy alone at his lowest point is the least he could do to pay him back.

So, Draco turns around and hesitantly walks toward Potter, trying to see him from the eyes of one’s acquaintance instead of a predator. Potter hasn’t made anymore sound but Draco can see how his breathing is rapid and uneven, how his shoulders move in jerky motion, Draco can see that whatever this is about, it’s really affecting Potter in a way Draco has never seen. Merlin, Draco doesn’t know what to do. Does he have to touch, Potter? What if he violates Potter’s personal space? Does he just stay? How the bloody hell Potter can understand that Draco is here? He just needs the man to understand that he is not alone; that Draco is willing to be a company even though they never have the best of history; that if he wants to let it go, then he can because Draco is not going to judge him. Everyone knows that Draco is never good at social interaction, why do you think he always bullies Potter in his young age instead of gaining his attention in a normal way? Yeah, that part hasn’t changed; Draco still sucks at social interaction. So, he tries to remember what his mom used to do when he was young and upset. Draco smiles at the memory, Mother always hugs him, and that’s the sole reason that he sits down cautiously in front of Potter in a very close distance.

Draco hesitantly tries to tap Potter’s shoulder before putting his hand in it, he is not sure how Potter will react if Draco suddenly invades his personal space in this situation, so he makes sure to put a few moments before actually putting his hand on Potter’s shoulder, letting Potter flinches away, letting Potter reacts the way he needs to, but most importantly letting Potter knows that Draco is here and he’s gonna touch him in a few moment. Potter finally lifts his face to look at him, green eyes are welling with tears, the rims are red and swollen, cheeks wet with fallen tears –honestly, Potter looks like a mess, but his eyes look so confused and somehow that makes Draco smiles a little. He only opens his arms, inviting Potter in on his own accord. Potter only looks cautiously between Draco’s face and his open arms, he seems to try to understand what the hell does Draco thinks he’s doing, whether this is just a prank, whether the thing that’s happening in front of him is real, but after a few long minutes of self debate he finally scoots closer, letting himself inside the circle of Draco’s hands, putting some respective distance between them. Draco only wraps his arm around the broken boy, letting him hiding his face in Draco’s shoulder, one hand instinctively holding the back of Harry’s head gently, sliding between the strands of surprisingly soft dark locks, the other wraps itself around Harry’s figure, making him moves closer inside the embrace, shielding him from the rest of the world. A broken sob finally cuts the heavy silent, which makes Draco held the boy tighter.

“It’s okay…” Draco says softly, awkwardly, which draws another choking sound from Potter, Draco’s fingers stroke the black hair in what he hopes as a soothing motion. “No one else is here, just let it go.” Draco finally whispers genuinely. And only then, Harry actually breaks down in heart breaking sobs and tears. Draco doesn’t do anything else for the rest of the night besides settling Harry in his embrace, letting him lashes out all of his pent up emotions in the form of tears, tightening his embrace when needed, whispering nonsense that he thinks might help when the sobs turn to painful heaving, trying his hardest to convey the secure feelings he always gets whenever his mother hugs him, but most importantly staying even when dinner already started. At that moment, Draco understands one thing in his life, he will try his hardest to be less of the git that he was to Potter, he might not know the boy at all, but he knows the man in his embrace already has a hard life without Draco being an annoying little shit to him, this is the least he could do to repay his debt to Potter.

Dinner has already finished when Potter finally calms down, his breathing has evened out, his body is heavy in Draco’s arm, and even though he hasn’t lifted his face from Draco’s shoulder, Draco knows he must be exhausted. It’s okay though, at least some of the weight in his shoulder would be lifted after letting it all out. Draco doesn’t stop stroking Potter’s hair in a slow pace. After another long moments of silent, Harry finally speaks, his voice cracks in odd places and it feels like there’s a lump that hasn’t completely gone in his throat.

“I’m sorry…” Harry says with scratchy voice without lifting his face.

“Don’t apologize, you make no mistake.” Draco says softly beside the boy’s ear, this suddenly feels like the most normal thing he has ever done in his life. It somehow feels so right –to hold Potter in his embrace, to stroke his hair, to support him when he’s at his lowest point- but Circe, does that make Draco scared shitless.

“Don’t you dare pity me, Malfoy, I know you’re probably thinking along the lines of how the chosen one is all alone and broken.” Harry says with as much irritation he can muster in his voice. Draco doesn’t push him away, for once in his life, Draco doesn’t push Harry Potter away, and instead he tightens the arm around the boy’s figure. They can fight any other day, tonight just doesn’t seem right.

“I don’t think that you’re alone, Potter. You might be broken, but you’re never alone.”

“This day just felt lonely enough for me to have a bloody mental breakdown.” Harry scoffs, face still hiding in Draco’s shoulder, voice sounds so exhausted, Draco thinks he’s only a few seconds away from blacking out.

“You’re not alone, Potter, you’re never alone.” Draco once again says with as much conviction he can out in his tone.

“Do you see anyone else in here?” Harry finally snaps sarcastically, probably not even thinking the effect of his sentence.

“I’m here, aren’t I? I might not be enough, but you’re never alone. I’ll make sure of that.” For the first time, Harry finally moves, he wraps his arm around Draco’s neck and shoulder, enveloping Draco in a hug.

“I’m sorry. Thank you for being here.” Draco can feel the way Potter once again hide his face in the crook of Draco’s neck. And so, Draco melts inside the hug, feeling Potter’s scent enveloping his being, letting it be embedded inside his brain.

“You got me now.” Harry hears Draco whispers in his ears before finally giving up to the exhaustion inside his body and letting the warmth and this weird feeling of security blankets him as he falls into a deep pit of darkness.

[enigmaticbughead]

Make A  Heart Open - Chapter 2

Chapter 1 | Read on AO3

Trigger Warning: Sexual assault (which ends after the italics if you don’t want to read that scene), mention of suicide

Chapter 2

She knew she shouldn’t have come tonight.

Betty could feel her heart thumping in her ears as she tried to breathe. The dark room felt like it was closing in on her, making her feel even more panicky. Trapped beneath the weight of him, she felt claustrophobic.

“Shhh…just relax, babygirl,” he caressed her face in a way that was probably meant to soothe, but it just made her even more uneasy. She then felt his lips at her ear, teeth enclosing the lobe, and her stomach lurched. He smelled strongly of liquor and weed.

Why didn’t she fight back? Why didn’t she tell him no?

Maybe she just thought that eventually he’d realize she wasn’t reciprocating and go away.

She’d initially stolen away to the quiet bedroom to escape the loud sounds of the party. Her roommate, Cheryl, had insisted that she should come with her to the frat party, “at least once.” She’d promised that after one drink, if she wasn’t feeling it, they could leave. Of course, this isn’t what had happened and Betty knew that it wouldn’t. Cheryl ended up getting very drunk and dancing with her sorority sisters, as Betty expected. She really didn’t mind though.

This was who Cheryl Blossom was. It was her lifestyle: she loved to party and drink and dance. Betty’d even joined in on the fun, dancing with them and taking a few jell-o shots (though not near as many as her red-headed friend). But, it was nearing two in the morning, and her head hurt and she was tired. She knew Cheryl would probably be out till dawn, so she planned to just sit in a quiet room for a while, drink some water to sober up. She’d make sure Cheryl had a safe way home, and then walk the short block back to their dorm.

Falling asleep wasn’t part of the plan. Waking up at God knows what hour to a stranger kissing her wasn’t part of the plan. What had happened to her that night was not part of the plan.

She suddenly came to her senses, and she weakly pushed against his chest. “Wait, no…”

“Don’t worry,” he murmured. “I’ll be gentle.”

By the time hiked her dress up around her waist, fingers hooking into the waistband of her pink lace panties, shimmying them down her legs, it was too late. Fingers wandered to places where no man had ever touched her, and then she heard him fumble with his belt buckle and then his fingers were replaced by him inside her.

It hurt. It hurt so much.

He continued, thrusting himself in and back out, much too rough, much too fast, over and over. She dug her nails into her palms, drawing blood that dripped onto the navy bed sheets.

He finally finished, pulling himself out and coming onto her thigh.

And then, as he buckled his jeans he asked her if it hurt. Asked it as if she were his girlfriend, his friend. As if he actually cared how she felt about it. Like it was something she had engaged in.

She stared at him through tears, dumbfounded.

“Fine, bitch,” and he left her alone.

Betty had never felt so alone.

***

“I know I’ve told you like a million times today, Kev, but thank-you,” Betty says, as she and her best friend set the last of her boxes into the plain bedroom that was now hers. “You’re a real lifesaver. And you saved me from having to move back in with my parents,” the blonde scrunches her nose up at the thought of having to live with her overbearing mother again, especially after she’d gotten a taste of what it was like to be free of her.

“No worries, Betty,” Kevin smiles, wrapping her in a tight hug. “What’s a gay best friend good for if not to offer roommate services.”

Betty laughs at his goofy grin before her face fell. It had been a long few weeks, and she honestly felt like crap about everything that had happened.

“I’m pathetic, Kev,” she shakes her head, turning to open one of the boxes with ‘miscellaneous’ written along its side in thick black sharpie.

“No, you’re not, Betty.”

“Yes, I am,” she shrugs, beginning to unpack the various decorations, photos and knick knacks, placing them about the room. “I manage to escape Riverdale and go to Harvard, of all places. And then I crack under the pressure. Not even through my sophomore year, and I’ve already failed out.”

“It’s an Ivy League, Betts. It’s not like you flunked Riverdale Community College.”

“I know, but,” she sighs, turning toward him. “I’ve spent my whole life trying to be perfect. Which isn’t good, I know, but, for once, I felt like I’d found something that I was good at. I really thought I could pursue this writing thing, Kev. And I spent all this time and energy and effort to make good grades so I could go to a good school and get the hell out of this fucking town.…just to have a mental breakdown and end up right back where I started?”

There’s a long, thick silence, before Kevin finally speaks again, his tone serious. “What led you to do that?”

Betty shrugs, trying so hard to squelch down the emotions that arose when the incident was brought up. She’d only ever talked about it to the head doctor when she got committed to the psych ward, and that was only because she knew if she didn’t they wouldn’t let her leave. And even then, she didn’t tell her about what had happened that fateful night at the frat party, which was probably the real reason she’d flunked out of school and attempted to take her own life. It would be a secret she would carry to her grave.

“It all got too much, I guess? My sister’s drama, school, all of it...” she looks down at her hands, fidgeting them nervously. “I was trying to be everything for everyone. I just…. I needed it to stop, y’know?” She quickly blinks away the tears that threaten to poke out of her eyes.

“Betty, if you ever feel that way again, please tell me. Or somebody.”

“I will. I promise,” Betty nods, smiling softly. “I think I should be alright, now, though. They’ve got me on some good old fashioned crazy meds, and they actually help, surprisingly enough.”

“Look at it this way,” Kevin grins, “when you’re at the bottom, the only way you can go is up!” He was trying to make her feel better, but it was obvious by the grimace on her face it’d ended up having the opposite effect. “Not that you’re at the bottom or anything, you’re far from the bottom, in fact, um… I’ll just leave you to unpack.”

“That might be for the best,” Betty let out a small laugh. “Thanks, Kev. For everything.”

“Of course,” he smiles again before ducking out of the room.

Betty turns toward the small mountain of boxes that had formed in the center of the room. “Wanna help me unpack, Caramel?”

The little orange cat doesn’t move from her spot on the newly made bed.

“You’re about useless, you know that?” she laughs. “Welp. I guess that leaves it up to me, huh? This isn’t going to unpack itself.”

The blond brings up her hands, using them to tighten her already tight ponytail, before setting to work make the tiny room hers.

[fashiontrendin-blog]

Searches for vegan beauty are up 281%, so here are the perfect products to add to your green regime

http://fashion-trendin.com/searches-for-vegan-beauty-are-up-281-so-here-are-the-perfect-products-to-add-to-your-green-regime/

Searches for vegan beauty are up 281%, so here are the perfect products to add to your green regime

It’s no secret veganism has become huge over the last few years. Countless celebrities have started following the vegan lifestyle, supermarkets have started stocking vegan produce by the truck load and it’s not uncommon for someone you know to have at least tried it out, right?

Pinterest recently reported that searches for vegan beauty are up 281% since 2017, with more and more people keen to get involved in green beauty.

Whether it’s for health, happiness or principled ethics, what’s clear is these celebrities are part of a growing global movement that’s not just about the food we consume, but making cruelty-free and sustainable choices when it comes to what we wear and the beauty products we apply.

I tried vegan beauty products for a month, here’s what actually happened to my skin

So who’s leading the movement? Millennials. We (15- to 34-year-olds) make up 42% of Britain’s vegans, and have taken to Insta to share everything from our eco-friendly lifestyles to animal rights activism – ‘vegan’ has over 54 million hashtags. “With social media, we are more aware than ever that our actions have an effect on the planet and us as its inhabitants,” says Imelda Burke, founder of beauty e-tailer Content Beauty & Wellbeing. “Once you learn how your purchases and actions have a detrimental effect, you can’t ignore it.”

Our desire to eat sustainably, consume consciously and think ethically is, in part, an attempt to counteract the environmental damage caused by previous generations. In today’s challenging political and economic climate, there’s a sense that the only currency we can control is our own physical, emotional and spiritual wellbeing, as well as the footprints we leave on the world around us.

Now this trend is prompting real change in the beauty industry: more than 6% of products launched in the UK in 2017 were certified as vegan; a figure that’s expected to double in the next five years. More and more of us are also choosing to use animal-free products; swapping and sharing beauty buys that align with our personal ethics. The ‘vegan’ certification verifies that products (and all their ingredients) have not been tested on animals and are free from any kind of animal extract. To achieve this is no mean feat, considering staple skincare ingredients, such as glycerin, collagen, gelatin and retinol are all traditionally derived from livestock – or their by-products (honey and beeswax, for example).

Your ultimate guide to the difference between vegan, natural, organic, clean and fair trade beauty

The big switch

“It only took patience and a surprisingly small amount of money to make the change to become a vegan brand,” says Kat Von D, whose eponymous make-up line is pioneering the vegan beauty movement. To make the switch, Kat had to find a replacement for carmine (a colouring made from insects). “I found substitutes for carmine in beetroot, which actually made the formulas better,” says Kat. “I think it’s our duty as human beings to do what’s right. I want to be an example of a business that cares. When it comes to the suffering of animals, I think everyone’s vegan deep down inside.”

The emergence of vegan, millennial-led, British brands like Sister & Co, Spectrum Collections, Soaper Duper, BYBI Beauty and Bleach London has encouraged cult brands to follow suit. Hourglass has promised to go fully vegan by 2020 and even an industry giant like L’Oréal-owned Urban Decay, which already has 71 vegan products in its line-up, has pledged to convert, “as long as we can deliver the same high-quality products”.

If you’re vegan, you need to follow these Instagrammers immediately

Beyond green

While natural botanicals are the go-to cruelty-free ingredient, some brands are serving their vegan principles with a side of science. “There is so much innovative biotechnology emerging,” says Sue Y Nabi, founder of vegan beauty brand Orveda. “Like biofermentation, which harnesses bacteria to grow and refine botanical ingredients, allowing actives to work in synergy with the skin.” The result? Clinical-level efficacy with all the natural benefits: soothing, nourishing and non-toxic.

Logo logic

“There is no law that controls the use of ‘vegan’, ‘clean’ or ‘organic’ in beauty product [descriptions],” says Sue. It’s known as ‘greenwashing’, where brands use trending terminology to draw in consumers, even if they don’t fully stick to the ‘natural’ ethos – the trick is to look for industry logos, such as Cruelty Free International’s Leaping Bunny or The Vegan Society. ‘Clean’ products will be generally free from parabens, phthalates, sulphates, silicones, petroleum, pesticides, artificial colouring, synthetic fragrances, GMOs, PEGs, DEA and TEA. Use the Think Dirty app to scan cosmetic products – you’ll get a breakdown of ingredients and health hazards, and it even grades products on its ‘Dirty Meter’. So whether you prefer all-botanical or science-based brands, going cruelty and toxin free is the modern choice when it comes to skincare and make-up, says Sue. “It means products have been made in a vegan, sustainable fashion and contain no ingredients that could harm skin’s health.” After all, a cruelty-free complexion glows that much brighter, don’t you think?

This is the five-step checklist you need to ensure your products really are vegan

The good news is, veganism doesn’t end with food, the beauty industry is getting in on the action too. There are plenty of vegan beauty brands products you didn’t know where vegan. Below we’ve curated the best vegan beauty products on the market – totally cruelty and animal byproduct free. Consider your skin, hair and makeup routine taken care of.