see the danger, always danger
endless talking, life rebuilding
don't walk away
digital painting, 10 hours - drawing video below
song: atmosphere by joy division
my other spn art
kim manners et al were all about the light through the slats in this episode. i painted another scene from this ep that also had this type of lighting - when john is telling sam and dean he has to leave without them. different location, same kind of light. i feel it though, it's good stuff. i'm also a sucker for it. hence drawing it twice!
You don't know me. You never did. And you never will.
digital painting, 13 hours - drawing video below
tw intimate partner violence under the cut
song: i'm tired by labrinth, zendaya
I was thinking about times when Sam and Dean have hurt each other, physically and not, when under the influence of something or not. I had a rough reaction to this scene. these characters get strangled on a regular basis, but having it done by their loved one, their partner, is another thing. I was choked by a partner too, in my 20s. with time I've come to realize how lucky I was things never escalated beyond that.
something that stood out to me was how Dean isn't fighting back, he's not even gripping Sam's arm tightly. which also made me realize how I didn't fight back either. I've had to sit with that for a while.
painting this let me try to reconcile my own personal history for a bit, and reconcile how Sam and Dean got past a moment like this. and how I didn't recognize the severity of my own experience, and moved past it without any repercussions other than doing everything I could do avoid provoking violence from my partner in the future. their world has the luxury of blaming the influence of demons and the forces of heaven and hell on their actions, and Sam and Dean's lives are submerged in violence. and it's a show, it's up to the writers to pick and choose what events traumatize the characters in any lasting way. this moment was a drop in the bucket.
I debated keeping these thoughts out of the painting post, because I know people don't necessarily want to hear about it, but it's part and parcel to why I drew it and I didn't want to separate the context.
When someone says "come on, it'll probably only take you 5 minutes to draw" to try and get me to do some kinda super-complicated detailed artwork for nothing... See, 10 seconds of this timelapse is 5 minutes work. The whole segment there equates to about 25 minutes-ish, in which nothing particular got completed. So just... Nope-nopetty-fck-nope to that ✨mythical 5 minutes✨ thing 😂