#dunno what Emotion but it’s happening
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uuuuggghh it’s getting close to 4 am and im still up because of my bullshit asshole coworkerrrr
#we got into it a little today because he Has to be right all the time#even when there’s no right or wrong person in the situation#and i think when he didnt get to prove me wrong it pissed him off#regardless he could have potentially ruined a ton of food and i could have just turned the fire off instead of getting the food prepped#and ready to go over an our early#but he also couldve not gotten it started at 3 when it only takes like ten minutes#and the order was due at 5#ANYWAY it was fine in the warmer and everything turned out fine#this was the second time he’s treated my like an idiot though#and im probably going to call my store manager tomorrow#to find out if she’s gonna be there on monday and if not#i’ll have to make a special trip tomorrow to talk to her#i dont actually want to go over my direct manager’s head i just want her opinion/advice#i know im not in the wrong and i wont get in trouble im just experiencing and Emotion over this#dunno what Emotion but it’s happening#which is why im still awake#seeing as im apparently the metric by which it is determined when Enough Is Enough? maybe something will happen???#it’s just that this dude has been fighting with other coworkers like once or twice a week since he was hired#and now that he’s raised his voice at me im very much done with him for real
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And I just have to tell you that I
Love you so much these days,
#homestuck#dirk strider#bgd#brain ghost dirk#jake english#dirkjake#hs2#homestuck^2#homestuck 2#hsbc#homestuck beyond canon#homestuck epilogues#candy epilogue#admin draws#fanart#i cant even pretend im normal about my own art or this song im sorry#im tryna think of something to say abour this and i keep thinking about the lyrics and i GRGRHHHHFHFJG#i dunno man. i love plastic beach. i cant say anything here that is not gallbladder-achingly cheesy#but just. i dont know.#jake keeping a little bit of dirk in his heart all those years. even if bgd is 'all' jake hes still in the memory he carries#when i listen i find myself stuck between which singer/verse should be jake and which should be dirk. but the answer is simple#theyre both both.#jake thinks hes the one singing abour getting abandoned. but really hes the one losing himself in the substance#and dirk. dirk is the one watching him lose himself. but since hes just a part of jake. yeah.#'i have to tell you that i love you so much these days' both as something jake is saying to dirk and what jake wishes dirk was there to say#hes so alone in that reality. even if he might not admit and go so far as to imagine dirk saying it. its something that deep down#he aches to hear. the man who has deemed himself unlovable and incapable of love. he still wants to hear it despite himself#he still wants to say it despite nnot being able to bring himself to even process that emotion#sigh. see what happens. i cant talk aboht it bc a single line turns intoTHIS
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[bad omens] you know how it is with me and body swaps and roleswaps orz
#good omens#den's bad omens#aziraphale#crowley#aziracrow#ineffable husbands#ineffable partners#ineffable spouses#good omens roleswap#good omens reverse#nothings set in stone im just having fun with the what ifs of this au DFGHD#ANYWAYS#shoutout to aziraphale 'physical touch' fell!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#i just think that. im unsure if aziraphale would tell crowley what happened in *his* execution but he sure would be bad at hiding it DGHJD#but i can see the scenario of him like. the floodgates opening like 'oh CROWLEY dear boy it was AWFUL i i didnt know that your-#fellow angels think that- [fast paced rambling]'#i dunno. i can see him being emotional about him in front of crowley#but also its them and these idiots dont talk so it could go either way really asksksks#fun to think about nevertheless!#demon aziraphale#angel crowley#id in alt text#described
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it’s been four months since December 2022 and I’m still not over the fact that Reigen was apparently so haunted by guilt from that one time in S2E2 where he scolded Mob for eating too many french fries that it showed up in the super emotionally charged eyecatcher montage during the series finale.
I wonder if reigen will ever find the closure he needs to free himself from the poltergeist of regret that obviously follows him around as a result of this incident. the confession incident really had reigen re-evaluating everything from the past three years.
#okay but this is such an ‘emotionally repressed but also sensitive and doting family member’ thing#it’s hard to explain#but my dad is a gruff and rough-n-tumble farmer man#but he’s also very sensitive and doting#so sometimes he will say something kind of blunt or tease me or scold me over something#and it really won’t even be that bad#but he will sit there for the next couple of hours and stew over whether or not he hurt my feelings#like that shit will haunt him until eventually he calls me and apologizes#bc he’s sensitive but also not super in touch with emotions so he’s not sure where the boundaries are sometimes#and by that point i will have mostly forgotten what even happened in the first place#but i always get the post-joke/scolding regret call#especially bc i was always a kid who was very sensitive to rejection#i dunno if this makes any fucking sense#it’s just very ‘emotionally repressed family member’ core#the girls who know will know#mp100#mob psycho 100#shigeo kageyama#reigen arataka
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since we only see the fucking. what do i call it. this thing.
when theyre alone do we think oscar has told the others about these weird merge episodes?
because it doesnt seem like they know...
#chat i am thinking about this so much#no cause ren said 'oscar just...isnt himself' like does he know whats wrong. does he know. oscar are you talking to your friends.#also im pretty sure oscar was implying that this like. isnt a normal part of the merge. which im now thinking about what the fuck this is#makin another post about it#rwby#tree talks#oscar pine#ozmosis#ozpin#tree can't shut up about oscar pine#no you just know theyre isolating themselves when they can also. like he is not talking to them#i know that because ren is like how the hell did jaune get these bitches to talk to him.#like i feel like they dont know#'like minded' = emotional repression#i dont even know if oscar told them what magic does to them#like if there was any time to bring that up it was when telling everyone about oz being back and that what he did was magic#and he. didnt.#like hes not gonna bring it up of his own accord. hed probably only mention these like merging episodes#is if someone was with them while one happened#i dunno im rambling#i just want to make angst...
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just found out that non-aromantics actually have feelings towards the people they decide to have a crush on. Apparently it’s not like, “hmmm should I consider this person for dating? what are the pros and cons here?” Or like, “I want to be really close friends with that person” But it’s like an actual emotional response or something? An emotion that is different from the “I wanna be really close friends” emotion??
also I just figured out that I’m aromantic
#I’m also ace but I already knew that#Shout out to Jaiden Animations#Never would have figured this stuff out this quickly otherwise#asexual#aromantic#aroace#My first “crush” was Carmen San Diego#I was 18yrs old and that “crush” lasted 2 days#Turns out she wasn’t as pretty when she wasn’t wearing her signature outfit#I didn’t actually have a crush on her I just really liked her outfit#I think I just decided that “ya know I should’ve had a crush on someone by now kinda weird that it hasn’t happened yet”#And then I just picked the first pretty girl I saw#She’s animated so I guess that made it less weird than having a crush on a random stranger#But like there were no actual romantic emotions there#Didn’t know that there were supposed to be any but oh well#The whole “I wanna be really close friends with that person” thing really threw me off for a while#Cuz I thought that was what romantic attraction was#But apparently it’s not???#Too confusing we should just get rid of romance#Honestly my idea of the “ideal romantic/queerplatonic relationship” should have tipped me off sooner that I was aro#It was “a close friend who lives in the same house as me but we have separate bedrooms and sometimes we cuddle on the couch but not…#… always and we don’t hold hands or kiss or anything but we just act like really good but close friends because that’s what I think a…#… romantic relationship is two people who are really close friends”#might delete later I dunno just kinda rambling and I’m really tired
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nrmt comic (2) update!
I have finished the script for the 2nd nrmt comic!
And I noticed that... in a month it's AA's anniversary....
Can I even get it done by then. I don't know............ I want to though.....
#this one won't be free-to-view but I hope you look forward to it regardless - it'll be on ko-fi#it's about 14pages.... as I mentioned before set right after 3-5#in summary they talk about what just happened and ofc they're gooflords and can't express their emotions#and make some important confessions to themselves and each other#also this time I would also like to do a full cover (front + back)#so if you want to get it printed as a book on your own you can#(altho I guess it's going to be difficult with it being colored? I dunno but the crafty ones have a way probably)#also the cover could be used as a desktop bg I guess so there's that also......#mmm I'm not getting this finished in a month am I.#I am getting more and more bad ideas as this goes I swear-#brain stop#peri update
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oughh......
#laya plays dragon age#da2#oc: liam hawke#this happened a bit ago already & i wanted to draw sth for it but idk if i will finish that#but i gotta yell abt them anyway because OGH.#i have a lot of emotions about this quest ok#bartrand was the perfect scapegoat he was perfect to direct all the rage and pain at all these years#years of imagining gleeful revenge while bartrand is gloating and laughing like an evil soulless bastard#and then you meet him and he is just. a pathetic husk of a man with barely any own will left#and whats worse. varric is so so torn up about it#varric. the guy who never makes anything about him and who will always handwave and joke when something hits too close to home#drops all efforts to be smart and is just. desperate. begs hawke to not kill his brother#and liam wants to want bartrand dead so bad. he wishes he could look him in the eye and enjoy taking his life#and he knows varric will listen to him if he insisted. he knows when it comes down it it varric will yield to his decision#but he sees this broken guy who is barely the villain he kept projecting onto him and he sees varric and he sees two doomed siblings#and knows what its like to lose your sibling to your own blade#and he cant do it#and he hates it so much. but he wont do it.#and its the reason why i cant decide who dealt the killing blow for bethany bc it makes this scene juicy in different ways#if varric kills bethy its equally wanting to spare each other their siblings blood on their hands#as it is taking some form of revenge (on liams part). we both killed each others siblings. now we are even#the revenge part would still be there if liam did the blow on bethany himself. you made me do that and now i will take bartrand for it#but its also much more i know what its like. i wont make go through that too#if varric killed bethy and then also bartrand it would be more#''its my fault she is dead. i will take the revenge she/you deserves if you tell me to even though it will hurt me#dunno. all good variations i will. have to rotate them in my head more#or maybe just never decide idk they can be in canon limbo forever#anyways thats it for shouting into the void about them for now it Will happen again
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Scum Villain’s Survival Guide where it’s Shen Jiu as the transmigrator. SJ gets tracked into this “Make The Target Happy!” mission system and is so resentful that at the end of every success he pulls the plug and ruins his target’s life, and it’s not technically against the rules is it? But now he’s gotta go back and right all his wrongs—there’s the demon lord he betrayed and killed, the war hero who thinks he’s an alien agent who betrayed humanity, etc. etc. At the end of the day it’s all about growth—he panics at the thought that he’s responsible for another person’s happiness so he’d rather crush it himself. Righting every wrong involves actually baring a part of himself and it’s mortifying and horrifying to let someone else choose to love him.
#plot stockpile#the real question is who is the system#SY or SQH#it’s gotta be SQH right? god!System#SJ is his test case kinda like The Good Place#but he’s kinda panicking cause SJ’s going wayyyyy off script but that’s okay he can uhhh make it work#he can make growth happen! for his son!!!!!#and SY makes a better 渣攻 anyways lol he’s got the 少爺 backstory#it’s gotta loop back to Qi-ge tho#I haven’t gotten to the end of Scum Shou’s Guide yet so I dunno what the convergence plot will be#but pull The other book in here#Qi-ge is his last 心結#the root cause of all his emotional problems lol#but somehow all the other 攻s come through and have happy harem times#also who is MBJ#how do we get him to SQH
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youtube
Fan video for the episode "Arabesque" from the 80s TV show Beauty and the Beast
#beauty and the beast 80s#{this video shows some important parts of the ep and the description the poster wrote is useful for those who haven't seen it at all}#{this episode was one of the rougher ones for me for sure}#{because there are no two ways about it... vincent definitely assaulted lisa}#{and it was so out of character for him but it also fit so well with these instincts he sometimes can't control}#{this was one of those times where you couldn't quite feel as sorry for him as you wanted to because... nah dude what you did was wrong}#{but at the same time it was such a deviance from his normal behavior}#{and lisa's behavior was odd as well}#{she seemed to like vincent's attention and to keep him interested but didn't have the same feelings for him and kept him at arm's length}#{which was kindof cruel to keep stringing him along}#{then she came back years later as if nothing had happened and everything was the same between them while he's actively keeping distance}#{i honestly found that as uncomfortable as what he did to her}#{lisa was a weird chick for me i dunno heh}#{but regardless... the way vincent internalized this incident and let it define him as a person for so many years was heartbreaking}#{the way he steps back away from lisa in that one scene starting at 2:24... ugh my heart... he's trying so hard not to repeat his past}#{i love that healing moment when he's finally telling catherine about this shame he's held for years}#{and she responds with no fear and no judgement... just encouragement and love... kissing his hands that he feels can give only pain}#{and she says “these are *my* hands” as she holds his in hers... MY HEART}#{an emotional rollercoaster this ep was heh}
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ouhh the tired __(xox _/ )\__
#just me hi#ouhrr#was up til 4-5 playing games w/ my siblings lol#Really need to get a clock for this room hfsvh#been tired for a couple weeks now though. the Eternal Non-Rest hfh#like anywhere from 3-5 i'd just get Tired and just wouldn't recover until i had a nap which is illegal or something so i just gotta power#through til 7 or 8 lol :')#but that's not the case rn this is through my own actions or lack thereof jfhvsh#//also thinking abt it and how much do you Actually think before you speak?#i thought that was really stupid when i was little because talking is just like using your hands. you don't really think about it. it just#kinda Happens lol#but i have like 3 filters that things go through unconsciously; the Cuss Prevention. the Queer Filtration. and the Emotions'#Gloves. aside from those there is no filter lmao - what happens happens. this is usually to my detriment :/ hfhsvh#thinking about it anyway. not much to say about it i just think it's neat :>#communication is a Marvel !#//anywho also Why have my hands been getting raw so quickly recently gfshvh#i just barely noticed it today. now either that's me having a Moment or my hands just being overwhelmed by wortor. i don't like either very#much hfsh#//oh oh was also thinking abt when i was like 5 or something - somewhere around that age. maybe a bit older ? - and the feeling of newly#washed blankets was like. a Whole Feeling. like smell ✓ touch ✓ <- that's it that's the whole range of human experience hfbvshfb :3#it was a Whole Thing. dunno how else to say. and not like how an Event feels bigger when you're little. just that blankets felt nicer then#yknow? yeea lol :)#//anywho i'm gonna go eat some spaghetti#the hair of food fr..#alright ciao :> /
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Tainted batch (Patreon)
#Doodles#Just Desserts#Villainsona#Fine nevermind >:(#It's so weird to be posting vent-adjacent stuff while I'm doing so well currently haha#I started this months ago and have significantly improved my mood since then pfft ♪ I'd hope!#There wasn't anything specific at the time anyway just a thought circling around that I figured Charm would be more affected by#Considering most things for her are heightened in comparison haha <3 She'll get therapy someday#She also deals a lot in sublimation through art! And sometimes that means literally taking the materials and using them elsewhere#Honestly it's pretty cool that she can reconstitute her art :0 Drawing is a little different haha#I hadn't realized it'd been as long as it's been since I last drew Cirrus :0#Oh yeah Cherry Shortcake actually has a first name now lol#A few residents do! If you remember my mention of Aria from a while back - Marshmallow Fluff - I think those are the current three?#Still haven't really pinned down a naming convention haha...I've been thinking about three-letter last names for what feels like forever now#She was also an early contender for Digitally Rendered Resident huh... I could at least stand to name the others that have gotten that lol#So many things I wanna do with her - really want to finish her Biased Narrator fic sometime just dunno how to end it hrmngh#Anyway lol she gets a one-panel cameo and takes over the post pft no! Charm time!#Evil Time Charm time - kicked up her pulse as soon as she remembered#She kinda sorta remembers what happened but more than that remembers the Emotions - feeling Laughed At#And clearly it's [this specific thing]'s fault that she feels foolish! Avoid [this specific thing] and never feel foolish again Guaranteed!*#*Not actually even remotely close to a guarantee lol instead she's just avoiding something that at one point made her feel good#So easy to turn a positive memory into a negative one with just a change of framing huh?#I can't think of anyone in her life who would exploit that fun little feature in her outlook not even one!
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ough periods are SO weird when ur genderfluid and sex ambivalent
#marzi speaks#pseudosexuality moment#WAUGH!! WHAT IS HAPPEN#like. ok i’m pretty sure i’m pmsing at the moment#bc the pseudosexuality has been going. CRAZY!!! among other things#like. i keep almost having a libido? it’s freaky and it makes me far too aware of the fact that i have sex organs#i don’t know when i did it but i divorced my physical body from the concept of gender and sex so fucking long ago#so it is SO weird to be reminded of it. like. nuh uh. no that’s not a thing i do#so i’ve been like dissociating a little the past few days#and i can’t tell if it’s because i’m feeling sex-repulsed (which tends to happen when my hormones do hormone things)#or if i’m feeling dysphoric because the idea of being biologically gendered is gross and yucky#fuck! maybe it’s both! i dunno!#at least i’m not super emotional like i was last pms. that one was. it was a time
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A sorrowful piano, tunes lacing the air. It wasn’t often that this occurred. It wasn’t often one could catch the stag on a blue note, but if one bothered to stop and pay attention this evening.. It was a an evening imprinted with melancholy and the sensation of loss, even if no one could answer what loss, and where from that melancholy originated.
A soft voice accompanied that piano, a vulnerable moment, a glimpse caught in the quiet of the approaching night.
“Loving and fighting, accusing, denying
I can't imagine a world with you gone
The joy and the chaos, the demons we're made of
I'd be so lost if you left me alone
You locked yourself in the bathroom
Lying on the floor when I break through
I pull you in to feel your heartbeat
Can you hear me screaming?
Please don't leave me
Hold on, I still want you
Come back, I still need you
Let me take your hand, I'll make it right
I swear to love you all my life
Hold on, I still need you..”
#::I've Got A Game I Want To Show You - The Muse Speaks::#alastors-radioshow#::Razzle Dazzle!:: - Song#emotional#open#//Yeah I dunno#//He's sad?#//I don't know what this is even#But have it anyway#//Song is: Hold On by Chord Overstreet#//Guess I had the sads and now Imma bother y'all with one of my fav. songs when that happens
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I really really wish for the championship to only be decided on Sunday, just because it's always been like this and like tradition and everything. But at the same time I know I'll be incredibly dissapointed if it actually goes to Sunday and Jorge looses it then....
#motogp#so many thoughts actually like I know he said he'd be happy with second but I just know he'll cry (fair) and I don't want to see him crying#he would deserve this so much and I know my emotions would be crazy if he were to actually win this#I'll have to watch it in my room by myself tho because I will be letting it all out lol#be it crying (I will cry) if he actually manages to win it or cursing and pretending it didn't happen if Pecco wins it#I'm not even a Jorge fan (I am at this point) I just know all the shit he's been trough and what he risked and how he fought to be here#in a situation that could have should have would have ended his career but he's just that bit extra insane (aberage motogp rider)#I have not cared this much about a championship since 2021 maybe even 2020 I dunno don't remember#I say no more back-to-back championship winners (unless it's Enea Bastianini)#sorry that's a lot and I'm probably still missing a ton lol
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Went out. Mistake.
#frustration and i got ripped off big time for money i dont really have#i cant give up and lay down yet tho i need to go out again#then i can come back and zonk out#idk what will help bc i feel weird in my body and my brain is not having a great day#it was ok earlier but big emotions are happening and i cant figure them all out except probably mad and embarrassed i fell for a scam#i wanna focus on a thing and do a thing but i dunno if i will be able to wihout it turning into a Big Deal#or melting/shutting down#fae lies like they werent having A Monent And A Half last night#in my defence i forgot i was and that was hmnn probably because i was overtired#i have not gotten to swing yet. the weather is poopy#maybe ill go after i do this
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