#eat sleep code
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some light body horror sketches, still alive
#technically one of those is an archivist to tag#but its mostly just sketching#toh archivists#i think i'm sick again or i guess still#it's been a while like that for months#maybe thats just what the baseline now is#but jegus ive been so tired its unreal#waking up from after 16h and the fatigue is still there#always present#always extreamly annoying#waking up rested is a scam by the big sleep#just sitting for a while feels like challange#and sitting is supposed to be the “resting” thing for sake#a cheat code to actually try and prep for the exams to just lie on the floor with laptop#kinda feels like having those reloadable batterijs that got charged too many times and now dont load fully anymore#but still give off charge they accumulated at the same speed as before so it SEEMS they work normally#just way way shorter#i am guessing this is just the depresso and anemia doing its thing#or whatever other things this mortal vessel might have wrong#also fun fakt did you know having very low iron can manifest itself as depressive episode#getting “hasnt the depresso been getting worse lately” from a general doc just looking at blood was a shock#eat your beets kids#if anyones actually reading this dont be concerned#this is just my complaining corner#to complain#im getting meds for those its just dreadfully slow#and i have a supportive guinea pig that's being a menace more than usual lately
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its not even fully canon but 1 thing that immediately breaks my immersion when i read a fanfiction on occasion is when people write the clays as like having lots of separate rooms in their house. like i dont think they have a dining room. i dont think they have a dining room table with chairs like a suburban family. i dont think all of the kids have their own rooms. and even if that ends up being the case in the animated show then itll still be wrong
#kill the 21st century white western house in your brain#the clays sit on the floor#and sleep on the floor#and eat with their hands + use a knife or spoon when needed. they have like 2 or 3 rooms in their house#but mostly hang around in the main temple room where its warm and tea is being made and roll out bedding in the other rooms when needed#and bathe outside#kiddo say#goodmorning . ..#got stressed out so you get me autistically thinking about the clays again . i did read a nice fic tho#(the only time it Could be acceptable for them to have a dining room is if its moominfamily coded)
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Billy's way of showing affection is a bit... Unorthodox.
(it will happen again)
Stu is probably way more pleased about the discovery than any other sane individual would be
#get yourself a bf that vehemently denies any connection to you but still breaks into your home to sit in a corner and stare at u in ur sleep#catboy coded#unrelated but I need to talk abt this#i just got a haircut and im like. fucking RABID about it#i finally look pretty in that masculine way if you know what i mean#im the guy you see exiting a starbucks that makes you instantly think “what a fruit”#im so fuckin happy im in tears I feel truly comfortable for the first time in a while#in other news I accidentally spilled green apple monster energy all over the pork I was about to eat#if I had a nickel for every time I mentioned something bad that happened to me related to monster energy#srry for rambling I just feel great about myself#scream 1996#stuilly#billy loomis#stu macher#billy loomis x stu matcher#latenightsundayblues art tag
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there's a flavor to slasher's horror that i really like. it's not quite like cult and its horror of loss of agency/consent but it's like. takumi increasingly and to worse extremes being used for other people's satisfaction. tamest is yugamu repeatedly terrorizing him so he can sate his own bloodlust.
the g'ie queen always gets me because like. it's using takumi to violently kill his friends, getting slowly worse and worse and ending in forcing him to kill nozomi as he helplessly begs it to stop from the prison of his own body. but also hard to watch is takumi degrading. he spends a lot of the route exhausted and starving. either the g'ie doesn't eat in his body, the strain of having a parasite saps his energy, or both. it bleeds into his mind. it laughs at his suffering and gladly causes more.
and last is hiruko, who allows it to happen. it's out of love, and what kills me is that she really is trying. like it's only at day 74 that she finally runs out of options. but with no options, she makes sure takumi lives, even if it kills more people. she refuses to mercy kill takumi at any point out of love. but it prolongs his suffering.
just. takumi on slasher really increasingly feels like less of his own person and has less and less choice, to an ultimate tragic and painful end.
#the hundred line#the hundred line spoilers#route: slasher#just. oog. slasher gets me.#it's a slow and painful downward spiral#and i think part of it is also that takumi doesn't deserve any of it#like a lot of times when takumi suffers he did something to deserve it#but slasher?#he gets the g'ie because he was being *noble* and self-sacrificing to help a friend.#and that one decision makes him suffer so goddamn much#you could argue that's payback for him killing eito. that its' twisted karma making him a killer#but i really don't think it's proportionate#likea fter a point please god let him eat and sleep and live.#also shoutout to hiruko playing the trolley problem and her refusal to kill takumi killing everyone#she's so homura coded actually.#homura would not blink sacrificing everyone else just to not have to kill madoka.
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an asoiaf game but instead of alive companions I get the ghost of Rhaegar who poetically lore drops via song whenever I find some cursed stuff
#asoiaf#a song of ice and fire#asoiaf fandom#rhaegar targaryen#targaryen#valyrianscrolls#me: fighting some pissed off bear while trying to explore the ruins of summerhall#rhaegar: *busting out another lana del ray coded banger while I get absolutely whacked*#“ah summerhall..I would often come here and sleep under the stars”#that's great boo#now please plays jenny of oldstones for so I get a boost#he is like a walking playlist#like my professional ipod#he would eat that shit up#can't tell me he wasn't born to be a tour guide
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The metaphorical platonic mouth kiss for @ren-w1shart
Or
WIP for my demon summoning roommates AU I’ve been slowly cooking up.
#here is the metaphorical platonic mouth kiss#thank you for the music recs.#we going domestic for this AU#Alastor is a podcaster who doesn’t eat or sleep properly#Luci is still the king of hell but he also loves to take care of people.#even asshole roommates#they are old married couple coded before they even get together#ao3#radioapple#alastor x lucifer#ao3 fanfic#appleradio#fanfic#duckiedeer
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going to take a boiling hot shower to cleanse myself of these impure thoughts.
#my pussy is practically pulsating sevika in morse code#eat sleep breath sevika#sevika sevika sevika#vi dropping the gauntlet to kiss cait#vi catching cait into the hug#just vi#vi vi vi vi vi
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...sorry nyassel believers, say hello to wulfssel
i could've SWORN i saw a post theorizing abt werewolf vessel bc of his stage costume updates but i cant find it to RB this with. that was the inspo :::)
#sleep token#sleep token vessel#sleep token fanart#sleep token art#worshitposting#also sun coded werewolf fight me#i think tumblr eated the quality
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i rememorized how to solve a rubik's cube!
#unfortunately i accomplished this at 3am last night ;-;#i stayed up late for hw again and then needed a break#i love my stellar class sm bc the prof is such a down to earth and silly guy#who really prioritizes student lesrning over grades#and i love that so so so very much#and the content in class is cool!!!#the hw just takes me forever#and with everything else i have to do it piles up and i keeping staying up late to do it ;-;#and then after doing that + staring at a screen/coding for so many hours in a row i need a break before i go to bed#and then i stay up later#and by that time it's too late for melatonin#so i end up staying up later bc even though i'm exhausted i can't fall asleep bc i'm anxious#about the fact that it's late + how little sleep i'm going to get + whether or not i'll sleep through my alarms#+ the parts of the hw i still have left + the one million tasks i've put off and still need to do#tldr: i got like 4 hours of sleep and woke up 30 mins before class and rushed to campus (i didn't get to shower)#and i barely ate anything and i feel like shit#i'm about to eat lunch but i am shaky and unwell#i keep telling myself i can't keep living like this but i can't figure out how to not be in this situations ;-;#<- oh wow that's a lot of tags o.o#if you got to the end of them pls know i love + appreciate you sm for listening to me <3#i will be okay. just having a rough time rn#zip quips
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The insomnia sure is insomniaing
#text post#it's fine. I'll nap later today. this is fine#eventually I'll fix the eating and sleep schedules again#the depression pit will throw me back out again and I'll get it all fixed up#in the meantime one of the neighbours have this? device? that seems to only beep at night#at fairly regular intervals#unfortunately for them it's the most irritating selection of beeps ever and it makes my eye twitch#beep beep beep beep in ascending notes#like every three to five minutes#and it's super quiet rn so i jump whenever it goes off#it's also got that sound of. you know when ppl play the rims of water glasses?#and the sound has that particular round almost eerie tone to it?#these beeps have that too and my god it's appropriate for the Halloween month#if this was the twilight zone I'd find out it was morse code for something terrifying#like let me out or I'm in your walls or#if we get nautical with it some sort of sos like signal#bc the one going rn isn't so I'm p sure of that#anyway i need to sleep and this beeping is going to drive me mad 💚
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12 straight hours of phone in bed give it up for 12 straight hours of phone in bed folks
#didn't want to get up and eat this morning so i put off taking my meds bc i'm not supposed to take them on an empty stomach but i didn't#ever get out of bed to eat bc i was. unmedicated. and now all i've eaten today is an entire box of cheezits and i still haven't gotten up#it is past 9 pm 🫶 i have 6 hours of class tomorrow 🫶 i am not doing well#i made a color-coded list on my little whiteboard this afternoon of all the shit i needed to do and that apparently took up all my brain's#capacity for action beyond cycling between the same 3 apps#i need to shower sooooo baaadddddddddd :( but i can't do that until i eat and my kitchen is downstairs and idk if i have food anyway#i forgot how much of a nightmare the beginning of winter quarter is :( and i haven't made my mango lassi froyo bc everything's So much money#woe is me boo hoo etc etc#i hope i get up i wanted to be asleep before midnight (it's a benadryl night for sure)#a post#don't think i've gotten more than 5 consecutive hours of sleep in over a week <3 yippee
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I am sick. I am tired. I am rewatching Supernatural.
I am begging for someone to knock me out with a frying pan
#Rachel in real life#you know what I called Dean girl coded this morning??#eating leftover pizza in my bed while wearing old sleep shorts and a sports bra
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I found a caterpillar at the grocerystore I work at, about a month ago.
#I wasn't sure wether she might be an invasive species so i kept her with me until I knew more wich ended up being 1 day bc. she immediately#pupated after eating tons of cabbage#turns out she's a cabbage white butterfly wich are native to my home#bc. she lived in room temperatures and pupated before i had a chance to acclamate her to colder weather#she had to stay indoors with me out of fear she would not have the coding to go to sleep once in her chrysalis#Which would have meant she'd freeze if I put her outside#She hatched and seems healthy albeit a fussy eater but she's only 2 days old#Still I feel so sad and dreadful knowing that because of my interference she will never see spring#Cabbage whites overwinter in their chrysalis and they only live for 2-3 months#She will never know hunger or fear for her live in the gaze of a predator#she'll never know cold or harm but she will also never know what it's like to recognize herself in another like her#she'll never know family she'll never know fields and the sky and what it's like to fly without a limit to how far she can go#Death will come before spring arrives
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#i haven’t been doing well tonight#these past few days—actually a lot longer—i haven’t been doing well because of school#i just hate my major so much—and I can keep going and get my degree but at what cost#i wish so badly that i had went into an English teaching degree#atp after this semester i have nine classes until graduation but i don’t know if I can handle it#My anxiety is so bad i can hardly work. this is the second time I’ve called out. I can’t sleep. I can’t eat. I threw up several times.#i’m feeling so much all at once i want to just stop existing#Everything is just coding and excel and work and appointments and tutoring and coding and excel and little breaks to watch YouTube to cope#my mom is supportive of me changing my major for the sake of my mental health#my dad will deal but he’s also just pissed because he thinks I dont try hard enough#I have a 3.8 gpa that’s not the issue the issue is the content#luckily money is not an issue in this situation but i don’t want to have to add on so much time by changing my major#but im also sick of feeling this way i won’t survive like this#tw vent#rose.txt
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Really nice that everyone I live with gets in-person asked if they want to do things but they specifically Do Not ask me
#i get that I have an awkward sleep schedule#but I have a Literal Sign that's Color Coded saying “Awake” or “Asleep”#Plus my door's open#With my light on#With a Piss Baby Cat on my bed#And a Zentreya Stream playing on my computer#Out loud#No headphones#Not muted#vent#I think I should've just stayed living with my mother#I'd be in the same place mentally but at least I could hang out in the living room#and I'd be getting fed regularly#Last week (5/24 - 5/31) I was able to eat twice#I'm so tired#I just wanted to be happy#I used to think I'd made every wrong decision in my life#but now I realize that I just never had good options#It was basically: Choose between Shit seasoned with Too Much Salt or Shit seasoned with Too Much Pepper#Tbh I don't think me and my gf are together anymore#I certainly don't think we are#She hasn't treated me like we're together for almost a year now#I can count on one hand the number of times we had Any Kind of affectionate touch#The only reason I don't say anything is because it'll rock the boat and I can't afford to be homeless#I'm not even a roommate atp#I'm a renter#A roommate would at least be invited to play games#The “Omg they were roommates!” has turned into “Yeah no. They were in fact Just roommates.”#Heh#I guess guys really DO go after women who are like their mothers
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I think if I focus enough on this thing then my life will be fixed right? Right?
#today on: cannot sleep eat drink or walk around without eating some dead by daylight art/fic/memes/edits#frothing at the mouth. i clock in and im like wow this is so killers in dbd coded. i eat a sandwich and im all wow this is so Ghostfacecore
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