#ella rates

[spittyfishy]

Spring Unsprung has always been my favourite of the eah specials and it is fully because of the tipsy turvy curse lol

[xbomboi]

hello Ever After High tumblr community, i humbly request your attention briefly.

so basically, i have a lot of Ever After High ideas clogging my head, ranging from misc. concepts, to plans for entire storylines/arcs. (this includes world building regarding both what we’ve already seen and what we haven’t yet seen, character arcs and development, fairytales and fairytale characters we have yet to actually meet onscreen, etc.)

i doubt anyone cares that much, but i have this vision for how the rest of the Ever After High story (in the tv continuity) would go. i have tentative plans to write this continuation using the 4 episode per story arc format that eah later switched to, while staying in line with the tone and writing style of the specials/webisodes so that it feels like it could naturally work as an official, canon continuation of the series, all while still telling a compelling narrative.

currently i have a rough outline for the first four-episode story arc that i’ve come up with (though i still have a few things i wanna workshop with it) written out. (side note: i typically write the finished draft of stuff in screenplay format, so the rough outline is written with eventually being transferred into that format in mind.)

i just wanted to post this to see if there’s any actual, palpable interest in this at all. and because my friends think i’m insane for keeping my work to myself & the select few people i’ve chosen to show it to as opposed to publicly sharing it because they at least think it’s good enough to be shown off.

so, yeah, just putting this out there incase there are people who wanna know more. i’d be willing to share the aforementioned rough outline i’ve written.

tldr; i want to write—and finish—the story of Ever After High.

[elshells]

Anxiety is the worst. My heart is racing but I'm just boiling pasta.

[ainawgsd]

I finally buckled down and did some research on non-acetone nail polish remover and bought the ella+mila soy based remover and my nails haven't felt this strong in almost a year!

I am so impressed, I'm never going back. It's a lot more expensive than acetone based remover (all of the oil based/non acetone ones are) but SO worth it!

[that-cheer-up-anon]

Work was shit yesterday. My body hurts. I heard someone say "4 months until the end of the year!" and I just thought 'I cannot be in this job for that long'.

My boss is good. It's my job and pay that sucks.

[artist-issues]

I don’t have a lot of time to read fanfiction but I’d make time if there was a Cinderella 2015 sequel fic. About like, Ella having to learn to be a Queen who is kind and disarms everybody’s courtly politics with her simple honest goodness. Or maybe a neighboring kingdom asks for aid, and Ella and the Prince decide to face the risks to go and help them personally, and SURPRISE, Lady Tremaine is there and up to her old manipulative schemes only this time Ella and Kit can try and stand up to her through courtly maneuvers. 

It’s just that Cinderella 2015 was so sweet and simple and perfect that even though I don’t need a sequel I want to spend more time hearing about how to have courage and be kind. 

[blueparadis]

[ellascreams]

I’m just gonna start collecting the evidence to make theories for every character secretly being Decoy Octopus

[nomniki]

also thinkin abt tokyo ghoul ! enha

[junmsli]

needy

pairing. enzo vogrincic x reader

cw/tw. smut, praise, established relationship, dry humping, unprotected sex, enzo un pocooo bromista, oral (reader recibe), dirty talk, age gap (no especificado), afab!reader/pronombres femeninos.

word count. 1.4k

rating. +18 (dejé ganar a mis pensamientos intrusivos)

"enzo" la joven musita bajito el nombre del hombre que se hallaba en la habitación que ambos comparten, acostado en la cama, viene de haber estado lavando la poca vajilla que quedaba sucia. él se encontraba leyendo un libro, llevando puesto lo que parecía ser una camisa bastante liviana y el resto de su cuerpo cubierto por una sábana.

"¿qué pasa, mi amor?" dice y aparta la mirada del libro brevemente para enfocarse en ti por unos segundos, sonríe y vuelve a prestar atención a su libro. "vení y acostáte ya".

"sobre eso..." ella ríe nerviosamente y empieza a caminar hacia su dirección, su ropa consistía en una camiseta negra oversize, la más grande que pudo haber encontrado, sus bragas y no llevaba sostén porque al encontrarse sola con su pareja, en su hogar ¿quién en su sano juicio usaría sostén?

la muchacha se sube a la cama, con enzo en la cabecera y ella en el otro extremo, pero planea cambiar eso. empezando a gatear hacia él y una vez a su costado, toma suavemente el libro de las manos del uruguayo y lo deja en la mesita de noche "¿podrías seguir leyendo mañana? tengo una situación aquí.”

él alza una ceja "bueno dale, pero tengo una pregunta para vos, ¿la situación es; 'necesito una culeada'?" él aprieta los labios divertido "no estoy que me quejo".

"¿cómo sabes?" se hace la sorprendida, como si esa no hubiese sido la intención de todo el asunto para empezar.

empieza desabotonar los botones de la camisa de enzo con paciencia, logra su objetivo y se la saca delicadamente por la cabeza, quita la sábana que cubría el resto de su cuerpo, para ahora bajar su bóxer, tarea que acaba con una sonrisa coqueta.

"un poco bastante necesitada andas vos"

ella ignora su comentario y se sube sobre él. pone sus piernas en los costados de enzo, al nivel de su miembro y de su clítoris cubierto, lleva también sus manos a la cintura del mayor. ambos jadean por el roce más que placentero y enzo agarra sus caderas guiando su ritmo, conociendo mejor que nada cómo es que a su chica le gusta.

la fémina mueve sus manos con la intención de quitarse la camiseta, sin dejar de jadear, una vez que cumple con su objetivo agarra las manos de enzo de donde estaban  y las lleva a sus senos, incitandolo a tocar y masajear tanto como quiera. “vos serás mi muerte.” menciona mientras acaricia suavemente los pezones ya duros de su novia. “decime qué querés y lo tenés, mi sol.”

se mueve con más rapidez encima del miembro de enzo y toma fuerzas antes -casi- susurrar “q-quiero que me folles.” entre jadeos.

“¿con esa boca besás a tu vieja?” 

“dios, enzo no menciones a mi mamá mientras estamos en esto.” dice ella, sintiendo sus cachetes más que calientes.

él se ríe “mmh, vienes acá, te hacés la que no pero sí, no demorás ni dos minutos y ya estás saltando sobre mí.”

“no estoy saltando-” menciona, podrían estar cogiendo como si de eso dependiera su vida pero jamás permitiría la oportunidad de llevarle la contra a su novio. “y yo vine a lo que vine.”

“quizás debería cogerte tan fuerte y duro como estoy seguro vos esperás.” 

con delicadeza (no la misma que acaba de usar para decirle que la va a follar hasta el cansancio) él la toma y voltea a la chica acostando la en la cama.

le baja las bragas, su mirada sigue todo el breve momento y procede a quitarlas, sin importarle donde las arroja. su cabeza sube a la altura del centro de la muchacha, sus dedos caminan por los muslos de ella y los acaricia haciendo camino hasta llegar a su estrecho agujero e ingresa dos dedos que mueve a propósito, a un ritmo lento, lleva sus ojos en dirección a los de ella “toda mojada, no tenés ni puta idea de lo que me hacés sentir.”

sus labios van a su clítoris donde comienza el trabajo de chuparlo con adoración, la mujer gime alto y acaricia sus senos dejándose llevar. 

“muy exquisita si querés saber.” comenta enzo, lo que causa que la chica suelta una pequeña y nerviosa risa, él mantiene su trabajo en ella, dedos en el fondo de ella y lengua y labios en su clítoris, moviéndose, chupando y lamiendo como solo él sabe y aprendió, que a su compañera le gusta. 

sus labios dan lentas vueltas alrededor del punto más dulce de la muchacha y suelta bajos jadeos al probarla “mierda, sos tan adictiva.”

“e-en, yo…”

“decime qué querés”

“ya lo dije, en, sabes lo que quiero”

“no lo recuerdo” se encoge de hombros sabiendo que ella mantiene sus ojos en su figura.

“te quiero dentro, te necesito, quiero que me folles” dice con todas sus fuerzas, enzo nunca detuvo sus movimientos y los gemidos de la chica a la par, tampoco nunca cesaron.

enzo asiente con una sonrisa burlona. “nunca te diría que no.” aleja su rostro de ahí abajo, saca sus dedos contemplando lo mojados que están y alza una ceja divertido. nivela sus rostros y sonríe una vez más, sus dedos llenos de la esencia de la muchacha, van hacia la boca ella, donde los mete y mueve. “mi amor siempre sabe lo que quiere y yo se lo doy.” la fémina mueve su lengua alrededor de los dedos de enzo.

él después de un par de segundos separa sus dedos de su boca, usa ambas manos en el trabajo de poner las piernas ella a los costados de su cintura.

una mano finalmente se dirige a su miembro erecto para llevarlo al encuentro del centro de la joven. “siempre luces tan deliciosa cuando estoy apunto de enterrarme en ti.” finalmente comienza los movimientos de sus caderas contra las de la muchacha, suelta un par de gemidos mientras susurra su nombre, lleno de lujuria, adoración y gran amor. mantiene un ritmo rápido, estocadas que llevan a ambos a un muy alto placer. 

“sos tan hermosa.”

“por-por favor, te necesito.” dice.

“lo sé, mi amor.” no planea detenerse y observa con fascinación la figura de la mujer que tanto ama debajo de él. “me tomas tan bien. ”acerca su rostro al de ella y empieza un más que apasionado beso, lenguas se tocan y exploran todo lo que el otro le puede dar a cada uno.

enzo, como ya se mencionó, conoce cada punto que tocar, besar, lamer y acariciar para que su novia se siente en el mismo cielo, y no duden en que usará cada uno de sus conocimientos sobre ti en cada oportunidad que se le presente de hacerte sentir bien. “justo así, mierda, esa es mi chica.”

desesperadamente, la joven lleva sus manos a la espalda del pelinegro, donde las mantiene y acaricia con veneración, respiraciones pesadas se sienten el uno contra el otro, besos mojados son depositados en el rostro de ella. 

puede sentir como las paredes de ella lo presionan en su interior y sonríe, con más ternura que lujuria, al conocer que su amor está cerca de llegar a la cúspide de placer.

tal cómo él también lo es.

no tiene reparos en preparar y calcular cada uno de sus siguientes movimientos en ella, cualquiera podría llevarla al tope. sus estocadas premeditadas son un poco más lentas, entrando y saliendo, disfrutando cada segundo, sabiendo que es suya y que momentos así, estarían acompañándolo toda su vida, específicamente, ella lo estaría acompañando.

“sos tan linda desmoronándote debajo de mí.” susurra.

pensamientos de cómo es que dijo esas palabras con tanta facilidad llegan a él y sonríe, una sonrisa cargada de todas las posibles emociones que la situación le podría brindar, sigue los gemidos de ella diciendo todo los sinónimos de hermosa que llegan a su mente.

enzo acelera una vez más, moviendo sus caderas contra las de ella con la mayor precisión posible, toma el rostro de la jóven en sus manos. “mírame mientras te corres.” logra decir, muy sumergido en la neblina de placer en la que se encuentran ambos.

ella asiente, diciendo todo tipo de obscenidades, su orgasmo llega de manera abrumadora y suelta un último gran gemido. más respiraciones pesadas le siguen mientras el pelinegro busca también su liberación, ya que su prioridad ya había sido alcanzada. 

luego de lo que parece casi nada, ella siente la carga de semen del mayor bañando sus paredes de forma deliciosa.

“¿fue esto más interesante que el capítulo de tu libro que estabas leyendo?”

“déjame en paz, amor, vamos a limpiarte.” le responde con una sonrisa cansada pero satisfecha.

-

writer's note: esto fue, definitivamente más rápido de lo que pensé 😭 si me olvidé de algún tag ¡avísenme!

otra vez, cualquier tipo de feedback es bienvenido :p espero que les guste <3

[fatehbaz]

Today, as you read this [...], there are almost 2 million people locked away in one of the more than 5,000 prisons or jails that dot the American landscape. While they are behind bars, these incarcerated people can be found standing in line at their prison’s commissary waiting to buy some extra food or cleaning supplies that are often marked up to prices higher than what one would pay outside of those prison walls. [...] If they want to call a friend or family member, they need to pay for that as well. And almost everyone who works at a job while incarcerated, often for less than a dollar an hour, will find that the prison has taken a portion of their salary to pay for their cost of incarceration. [...] These policymakers and government officials also know that this captive population has no choice but to foot the bill [...] and that if they can’t be made to pay, their families can. In fact, a 2015 report led by the Ella Baker Center for Human Rights, Forward Together, and Research Action Design found that in 63 percent of cases, family members on the outside were primarily responsible for court-related costs [...].

Rutgers sociology professor Brittany Friedman has written extensively on what is called “pay-to-stay” fees in American correctional institutions. In her 2020 article titled, “Unveiling the Necrocapitalist Dimensions of the Shadow Carceral State: On Pay-to-Stay to Recoup the Cost of Incarceration,” Friedman divides these fees into two categories: (1) room and board and (2) service-specific costs. Fees for room and board -- yes, literally for a thin mattress or even a plastic “boat” bed in a hallway, a toilet that may not flush, and scant, awful tasting food -- are typically charged at a “per diem rate for the length of incarceration.” It is not uncommon for these fees to reach $20 to $80 a day for the entire period of incarceration. The second category, what Friedman refers to as “service-specific costs,” includes fees for basic charges such as copays or other costs for seeing a doctor or nurse, programming fees, email and telephone calls, and commissary items. 

In 2014, the Brennan Center for Justice documented that at least 43 states authorize charging incarcerated people for the cost of their own imprisonment, and at least 35 states authorize charging them for some medical expenses. More recent research from the Prison Policy Institute found that 40 states and the federal prison system charge incarcerated people medical copays. 

It’s also critical to understand how little incarcerated people are paid for their labor in addition to the significant cut of their paltry hourly wages that corrections agencies take from their earnings. Nearly two-thirds (65 percent) of incarcerated people work behind bars. According to the Prison Policy Initiative, those who work regular jobs in prisons such as maintaining the grounds, working in the kitchen, and painting the walls of the facilities earn on average between $0.14 and $0.63 an hour. [...] Arkansas and Texas don’t pay incarcerated workers at all, while Alabama only pays incarcerated workers employed by the state’s correctional industry. [...]

For example, if someone sends an incarcerated person in Florida $20 online, they will end up paying $24.95. [...]

Dallas County charges incarcerated people a $10 medical care fee for each medical request they submit. In Texas prisons, those behind bars pay $13.55 per medical visit, despite the fact that Texas doesn’t pay incarcerated workers anything. Texas is one of a handful of states that doesn’t pay incarcerated people for their labor. 

In Kentucky’s McCracken County Jail in Paducah, it costs $0.40 a minute for a video call; this translates into $8.00 for each 20-minute video call. [...] For those who need to use email, JPay charges $2.35 for five emails for people in the Texas prison system ($0.47 an email). [...]

People in Florida prisons pay $1.70 for a packet of four extra-strength Tylenol and $4.02 for four tampons. And with inflation, commissary items are priced higher than ever. For example, according to the Kentucky Center for Investigative Reporting, incarcerated people in Kentucky experienced a 7.2 percent rise in already-high commissary prices in July 2022. Researchers noted that a 4.6-ounce tube of Crest toothpaste, which costs $1.38 at the local Walmart, is $3.77 at the prison commissary. [...]

In Gaston County, North Carolina, incarcerated individuals who participate in state work release may make more than the state’s $0.38 an hour maximum pay, but they pay the jail a daily rate based on their yearly income of at least $18 per day and up to $36 per day. In fact, Brennan Center research indicates that almost every state takes a portion of the salary that incarcerated workers earn to compensate the corrections agency [...].

These room and board fees are found throughout the nation’s jails and prisons. Michigan laws allow any county to seek reimbursement for expenses incurred in relation to a charge for which a person was sentenced to county jail time -- up to $60 a day. Winnebago County, Wisconsin, charges $26 a day to those staying in its county jail.

---

Text by: Lauren-Brooke Eisen. “America’s Dystopian Incarceration System of Pay to Stay Behind Bars.” Brennan Center for Justice. 19 April 2023. [Bold emphasis and some paragraph breaks/contractions added by me.]

[wileys-russo]

Alessia “you’re so competitive” in the pool

chicken II a.russo

"tooney!" came the outright cry of a few as the girl bombed into the pool and a wave of water rained down, the mancunian popping up from the water with a grin.

"what?" ella questioned innocently, unable to say another word as millie jumped on top of her, pushing her underwater and receiving a cheer in response. "mill!" ella spluttered out, launching at her friend with a war cry.

"fancy a swim now then babe?" you heard a sigh and looked to your left, alessia gesturing to how the both of you were already wet with an amused smile.

"think we just had one. thanks tooney!" you yelled at the younger girl who was too busy trying to drown millie. "come on then." the taller girl stood, holding her hand out and wiggling her fingers expectantly as you sighed.

accepting her help up you smiled as your girlfriend quickly stole a kiss, ducking out of the way as you tried to take one back causing you to scoff and smack her shoulder as she grinned.

"hey baby look!" you pointed behind her as the blonde turned and you surged forward, pushing her back as she squealed and promptly tumbled into the water as you doubled over in laughter.

"i rate the dive a four maybe? gotta work on ya form less!" lucy yelled out from the other side of the pool as alessia popped up from the water, grabbing the edge and pulling herself up and out.

"less no please!" you laughed, unable to get away fast enough as she hauled you over her shoulder and jumped off the edge plunging you both back into the icy water.

"alessia!" you splashed her as you both surfaced again, the blonde only scoffing. "alessia!" she mocked, pulling you into her body and kissing all over your face.

"that was your fault we could have both just stepped in nice and adjusted, but you had to act like a child." your girlfriend tutted with a shake of her head, arms wrapped tightly around your torso.

"im acting like a child? who threw a tantrum this morning when they lost at cards on the bus?" you challenged, hands settling either side of her face as your legs wrapped around her waist both of you in your own little bubble.

"because maya cheated! she was gettin grace to sit behind me and look at my cards and-" you cut off her little outburst with a kiss, shutting her up in the best way you knew how as you felt the tension melt away.

"incomin!" you were both barreled over as a body tackled into you, ella latching onto your girlfriends back with her arms around her neck, effectively trying to choke her out as you watched on with an amused smile.

"tooney this isn't the fucking mma get off!" alessia grunted, ducking and trying to drown her, unable to shake off her best friend who only grinned. "chicken fight!" you heard millie yell out, ella tugging on alessia's hair and trying to turn her around.

"el this isn't ratatouille you can't manoeuvre her by her hair!" you laughed in disbelief at the attempts, though in saying that it seemed to work as the blonde finally turned and began to walk the direction ella was wanting.

"partners? reckon we can smash them lot." lucy popped up beside you with a grin, slinging an arm over your shoulders as you nodded in agreement, the girls who were in the pool all pairing off.

"round one!" millie bellowed, ella and alessia going up against grace and rachel, the rest of the girls laid by the pool cheering their support.

one by one teams were eliminated, millies running MC commentary amusing the entire team who were already on a high from yesterdays win combined with the warm spanish sun had meant the mood all round was high.

"get in!" you roared as you shoved maya down off georgia's shoulders with a splash, lucy holding her hand up for a high five as you balanced on her shoulders and both cheered at your victory.

"grand finale ladies and gentlemen grand finale time! we have team dumb and dumber on the left-" millie gestured to ella who sat on top of alessia's shoulders, both girls protesting their given team name as millie ignored them.

"and team rocky on the right!" millie yelled gesturing to you and lucy, the older girl hurrying to grab your hands and steady you, too busy flexing and boxing the air to notice you nearly slipped off.

"now i want a nice clean fight. no scratchin, no eye pokin, no bitin, no hair pullin-" millie listed off with her fingers. "hurry up mil!" ella moaned with a roll of her eyes as the blonde held her hands up in defence.

"right. go!" she clapped, the girls around you all exploding into cheers as lucy stepped toe to toe with alessia, the two going back and forth with trash talk as you and ella locked up and grappled.

"aye ref thats a foul!" you yelled as ella tried to pull you off lucy by your hair, slapping her hands away as lucy nearly stumbled but regained her footing. "VAR!" millie blew a fake whistle, gesturing for a couple of the other girls to join her as the put their heads together in a huddle.

"decision is penalty! tooney one arm behind your back for the rest of the fight." millie announced, both ella and alessia yelling at her as she held her hands up. "shut up or you'll get yellows. resume!" the girl blew her fake whistle again as lucy stepped forward.

with only one arm it barely took another thirty seconds before you were successful it sending ella tumbling into the water with a splash. "we have our winners!" millie yelled starting a round of applause as lucy did a victory lap with you still on her shoulders, both of you celebrating.

"ah get over it ya babies, ya lost fair and square!" lucy laughed at ella and alessia arguing it was an unfair fight, both girls kicking off as ella huffed and pulled herself out of the pool storming off as the girls booed her.

"tooney!" lucy laughed and tapped your thigh, bending down as you dove back off of her and the older girl jumped out of the pool and hurried after the hotheaded mancunian.

things seemed to settle again as the girls went back to their own activities, a fair few of them returning to the loungers to work on their tans, sledges about who had the most pale skin being thrown left right and centre all week on camp.

"go away." alessia huffed as you swam over to her with a wide grin, cornering the taller girl and pushing yourself into her as she avoided looking at you.

"baby don't be a sore loser, come on." you poked at her exposed stomach as she pushed you off and tried to swim away as you jumped onto her back.

"off!" alessia ordered trying to shake you as you clung on, arms tightly wound round her neck. "stop bein stroppy lessi you're bringing down the mood." you teased, kissing her cheek over and over not missing the way a small smile ghosted her lips.

"come onnn give me a big russo smile." you cooed but your words were cut off as the striker succeeded in yanking your hands off, sending you slipping off her back and into the water as you surfaced and watched your girlfriend drop down into a lounger.

still that was unable to wipe the grin off your face as you followed suit, laying down on top of her as she sighed, sunglasses covering her eyes which you had no doubt would have rolled.

"you're so competitive." you laughed, alessia pinching your sides but making no move to argue. "might be hot if you weren't always losing." you shrugged stealing her sunglasses as her eyes narrowed and she scoffed. "nope, these are mine now. winners prize!" you pulled your head back with a grin as she reached for them.

"remind me again why i asked you to be my girlfriend?"

[creatives-argentines]

MASTERPOST OF ARGENTINEAN CREATIVES: COMMISSIONS OPEN

We called for argentinean artists, writers, animators, graphic designers and musicians to send us their work to boost them in the international market, and here we all are!

Because of our country's political decline in the hands of a fascist government we are in need of help.

We are in need of visibility and financial aid, so everyone that you see here is open for commissions, and the masterpieces you see are what you can look forward to.

We will update this post every month according to the entries we might get in the future, until the end of June. On the 15th of July there will be another masterpost, hopefully with more people!

Also, we will be reblogging their pieces so stick around and see what they'll do in the future, and please consider reblogging anything you like from us or from them directly, it goes a long way.

Lastly, we're trying to keep it bilingual, so if you see an image that has writing in just one language (or both!), check the ALT TEXT, it will have both spanish and english versions.

________________________

Convocamos a artistas, escritores, animadores, diseñadores gráficos y músiques argentines a que nos envíen sus trabajos para potenciarlos en el mercado internacional, ¡y aquí estamos todos!

Debido al declive político de nuestro país en manos de un gobierno fascista necesitamos ayuda.

Necesitamos visibilidad y ayuda financiera, así que todes los que ven aquí estamos abiertes a encargos, y las obras maestras que ven son lo que pueden esperar de nosotres.

Actualizaremos esta publicación todos los meses de acuerdo con la cantidad de fichas que podamos recibir en el futuro, hasta finales de junio. El 15 de julio habrá otro masterpost, ¡esperamos que con más gente!

Además, rebloguearemos sus obras así que quedate por acá para ver qué hacen en el futuro, y por favor considerá rebloguear cualquier cosa que te guste de nosotres o de elles directamente.

Por último, estamos tratando de mantenerlo bilingüe, así que si ves una imagen que tiene la escritura en un solo idioma (¡o ambas!), fijate en el ALT TEXT, tendrá las versiones en español e inglés.

Without further ado, enjoy~

Escritores / Writers:

@fatheriimaginedyoutaller (they/he - elle/él)

Escritor/e de 21 años. Especializado en relatos cortos y cuentos. Con pasión por el género realista y la fantasía. Inspirado en el estilo de George R.R Martin, Suzanne Collins, Liliana Heker y Kafka. Ofrezco servicios como ghostwriter y como escritor/e propiamente dicho. También puedo desempeñarme como escritor de blog y columnista de opinión en revistas online. Manejo bien el idioma inglés, con nivel bilingüe. Siendo capaz de traducir textos Trabajo en remoto. Mis tarifas oscilan entre $10 y $17 (EN PESOS) por palabra, dependiendo de la complejidad y longitud del texto comisionado. Mi obra más reciente "Pueblo Crepúsculo" fue publicada en la antología Purapalabra 2023. ________________________ 21 year old writer. Specialized in short stories and tales. With a passion for the realism and fantasy genres. Inspired by the style of George R.R Martin, Suzanne Collins, Liliana Heker and Kafka. I offer services as a ghostwriter and as a writer myself. I can also work as a blog writer and opinion columnist in online magazines. I am fluent in English, with a bilingual level. I am able to translate texts. I work remotely. My rates range from ARS$10 to $17 per word, depending on the complexity and length of the commissioned text. My most recent work "Pueblo Crepúsculo" was published in the anthology Purapalabra 2023. Contacts and relevant links / Contactos y links relevantes: Tumblr: @fatheriimaginedyoutaller Email: reneblopezbussiness@gmail.com

@mearpsdyke (she/her - ella)

Tengo 20 años, soy del NOA y me podés llamar Zee. Soy una escritora freelance, me especializo en narrativa aunque también incursiono en la poesía. Para proyectos pequeños (o sea: historias cortas) mi tarifa es de ARS$800 por cada mil (1000) palabras. Para proyectos grandes que involucren un conteo de palabras más alto, podemos charlar el precio por privado. Me especializo en el género de romance: las imágenes visuales y descripciones de emociones son lo que mejor se me da, pero también puedo escribir otros géneros como el misterio o historias más introspectivas con respecto a la psicología de los personajes. Tengo un blog de escritura bastante nuevo que empezaré a usar como portafolio, el link está abajo. Estoy dispuesta a escribir de todo por el precio justo. ________________________ I'm 20 years old, I'm from NOA and you can call me Zee. I'm a freelance writer, I specialize in narrative although I also dabble in poetry. For small projects (i.e. short stories) my rate is ARS$800 per thousand (1000) words. For international clients, my rate is USD$1 per fifty (50) words. For larger projects involving a higher word count, we can discuss pricing privately in both cases. I specialize in the romance genre: visual imagery and descriptions of emotions are what I'm best at, but I can also write other genres such as mystery or more introspective stories regarding character psychology. I have a fairly new writing blog that I will start using as a portfolio, the link is below. I'm willing to write anything for the right price. Contacts and relevant links / Contactos y links relevantes: Blog: https://servilletaliteraria.blogspot.com/ Email: chachkisalpaca@gmail.com Discord: mearpsdyke

Artistas gráfiques / Graphic artists:

@denwenai

(they/them - elle)

Denwenai (elle) es une artista y diseñadore multimedia que realiza ilustraciones digitales de personajes y entornos con distintos niveles de detalle. Su estilo es fluctuante: según el objeto a retratar oscila entre las terminaciones definidas o bocetadas, un aspecto tradicional o plano, la reminiscencia con un cómic o un concept art. En cuanto a diseño, se especializa en el armado de piezas editoriales y la creación de marca. Ofrece servicios de vectorizado (tanto piezas ya existentes como de diseño propio), edición de video y motion graphics. ________________________ Denwenai (they/them) is a multimedia artist and designer who creates digital illustrations of characters and environments with different levels of detail. Their style is fluctuating: depending on the object to be portrayed, they oscillate between defined or sketched finishes, a traditional or flat look, reminiscent of a comic book or concept art. In terms of design, they specialize in the creation of editorial pieces and branding. They offer vectorizing services (both existing pieces and their own design), video editing and motion graphics. Contacts and relevant links / Contactos y links relevantes: Tumblr: @denwenai Instagram: @denwenai Relevant links: https://linktr.ee/denwenai

@sunnysidesup1847

(any pronouns - cualquier pronombre)

Sunny es un artista cordobés, se especializa mayormente en la figura humana (retratos, fichas de personaje) o antropomórfica en general. Se destaca en entornos de fantasía y diseño de personaje. ________________________ Sunny is an artist from Córdoba, they specialize mostly in human figures (portraits, character tokens) or anthropomorphic in general. They excel in fantasy environments and character design. Contacts and relevant links / Contactos y links relevantes: Tumblr: @sunnysideup1847 Relevant links: https://www.atom.bio/sunny_sides_up/

@aifastic

(they/she/he - elle/ella/él)

Aifas vive en La Plata, Buenos Aires, Argentina. Dibuja en su mayoría fanart de franquicias que le gustan, ¡pero también le encanta hacer retratos de mascotas! Últimamente ha estado probando animación cuadro por cuadro y diseño con el OpenShot Video Editor e Inkscape, respectivamente. Se especializa en el arte pop. ________________________ Aifas lives in La Plata, Buenos Aires, Argentina. They draw mostly fanart of franchises they like, but also love doing portraits of everyone's pets! Lately, they have been trying their hand at frame-by-frame animation and design with OpenShot Video Editor and Inkscape, respectively. They specialize in pop art. Contacts and relevant links / Contactos y links relevantes: Tumblr: @aifastic Instagram: @aifastic

@localshoulderdevil

(he/him - él)

Dibujos en técnica tradicional desde lápices, marcadores o acuarelas. Con diferentes niveles de estilización y juego con las texturas. Hago dibujos e ilustraciones, diseño de personaje y mini cómics. Me inspira la gente, los detalles únicos y la versatilidad de lo morbo. Hace un par de años ya que hago arte por encargo, me dedico principalmente al diseño de personaje. Trabajo con texturas, buscando una representación un poco más única de cada uno. Dentro de ello, puedo trabajar a detalle, puedo utilizar gore, puedo retratar con más realismo o mayor estilización; se adapta a la esencia de cada obra. ________________________ Drawings in traditional technique, from pencil, markers or watercolors. With different levels of stylization and play with textures. I do drawings and illustrations, character design and mini comics. I'm inspired by people, unique details and the versatility of morbid things. It's been a couple years since I've started doing commissioned art, I mainly do character design. I work with textures, seeking a more unique representation of each one. Within this, I can do detailed work, I can utilize gore, I can portray with more realism or more stylization; it adapts to the essence of every piece. Contacts and relevant links / Contactos y links relevantes: Tumblr: @localshoulderdevil Discord: dm me for it

@orfeoarte

(he/they - él/elle)

Soy artista profesional, investigador y profesor. Me apasionan el horror y los mundos fantásticos. Mis fortalezas son el diseño de criaturas y personajes, obras emotivas, y arte conceptual en diversos estilos; tanto digital como traditional. Me enorgullezco de mi educación en grabado y arte impreso: soy excelente iterando y experimentando. Para mi trabajo digital utilizo Photoshop y Clip Studio Paint. En lo que respecta al arte tradicional, uso pinturas al óleo, gouache, acuarelas, lápices de colores y tintas de varios tipos. También hago grabado xilográfico y serigráfico. Ilustré dos libros, uno de ellos también escrito por mi. Trabajo en comunicación constante con mis clientes y permito pagos flexibles y en cuotas. ________________________ I’m a professional artist, researcher and professor with a passion for horror, and fantasy worlds. My strongest suits are creature and character design, emotional pieces, and concept art in diverse styles; both traditionally and digitally. My background as a printmaker is my pride: I excel at iteration and experimentation. For my digital artwork I use Photoshop and Clip Studio Paint. When it comes to traditional work, I use oil paint, gouache, watercolors, colored pencils and various forms of ink, as well as block and silkscreen printing. I’ve illustrated two books, one of which was written by me as well. I work in close communication with my clients and allow for flexible payment plans. Contacts and relevant links / Contactos y links relevantes: Tumblr: @orfeoarte Instagram: @orfeoarte Twitter : @orfeoarte Illustrated books: https://issuu.com/orfeoarte

@tomicaleto

(she/her - ella)

Soy una artista tanto tradicional como digital. Estoy estudiando Filosofía y Artes Visuales en la universidad. En mis pinturas, amo usar colores vivos y disfruto dibujar animales y personas (principalmente personajes ficticios). ________________________ I’m both a traditional and digital artist. I’m studying philosophy and visual arts at university. For my paintings, I love using vibrant colours and I enjoy drawing animals and people (mostly fictional characters). Contacts and relevant links / Contactos y links relevantes: Tumblr: @tomicaleto Buy me a coffee: https://www.buymeacoffee.com/tomicaleto?l=es Discord user: @tomicaleto

@ramadejazmin

(they/he - elle/él)

Ilustrador argentino de 23 años. Me gusta mucho el diseño de personajes y principalmente enfocarme en diseños de fantasía inspirados en D&D. Mis inspiraciones principales son cosas inspiradas en sueños, música de Vocaloid, caricaturas, anime y arte de otros artistas. ________________________ 23-year-old Argentinian illustrator. I love character design, mainly D&D-inspired fantasy designs. My main inspirations are things like dreams, Vocaloid music, cartoons, anime, and other artist's pieces. Contacts and relevant links / Contactos y links relevantes: Tumblr: @ramadejazmin BlueSky: momomottaro.bsky.social Gmail: ramadejazmin@gmail.com Toyhouse: https://toyhou.se/RamadeJazmin

@starrynightsoversunflowers

(she/her - ella)

Starrynightsoversunflowers es una artista argentina que se enfoca en los dibujos digitales, fanarts y retratos. Su estilo se basa en el uso de colores brillantes y en técnicas que emulan la pintura tradicional.  ________________________ Starrynightsoversunflowers is an argentinian artist that focuses on digital drawings, fanarts and portraits. Her style is based on the use of bright colours and techniques that emulated traditional painting. Contacts and relevant links / Contactos y links relevantes: Instagram: @starrynightsoversunflowers Gmail: starrynightsoversunflowers@gmail.com

@bloodghoul

(they/he - él/elle)

Ilustrador argentino nacido en 1996. Trabajo principalmente mezclando los primeros pasos en tradicional para realizar y terminar en digital. Los programas que más uso son PT Sai, Photoshop y Krita. Aparte de hacer arte en digital también hago bordados y pintura en acuarela. Encuentro inspiración en dibujos y animaciones de los 90s y 00s. Aprendiendo a dibujar nsfw. ________________________ Argentinian ilustrator born in 1996. I mainly work with mixed media, combining traditional sketching and inking with digital painting. My preferred programs are Paint Tool Sai, Photoshop and Krita. Besides doing digital works, my favorite mediums are embroidery and watercolors. I take inspiration from cartoons and animes fom the 90s and 00s, fashion, and cute stuff in general. Im learning how to draw nsfw to add to the repertoire. Contacts and relevant links / Contactos y links relevantes: Instagram: @twiginthecreek

@palluniskillas

(she/he - ella/él)

Palluniskillas (ella/él) es una artista de 20 años que se especializa en dibujo e ilustración digital de personajes y personas, en un estilo de dibujo estilizado. En su mayoría trabaja temas como el amor, el cariño, la moda y la naturaleza. ________________________ Palluniskillas (she/he) is a 20 year old artist who specializes in digital drawing and illustration of characters and people, in a stylized drawing style. She mostly works on themes such as love, affection, fashion and nature. Contacts and relevant links / Contactos y links relevantes: Instagram: @pallunis_killas

@nitadraws

(she/her - ella)

Nita es una artista argentina que se enfoca en dibujos digitales de animales en un estilo “chibi”. ________________________ Nita is an argentinean artist that focuses on digital animal art in a “chibi” style. Contacts and relevant links / Contactos y links relevantes: Tumblr: @nitadraws Redbubble: NitaDraws.redbubble.com Ko-fi: https://ko-fi.com/nitadraws

@artzover

(he/it - él/eso)

Arián es un ilustrador del norte argentino que saca inspiración de videojuegos y medios de terror. Estudió diseño gráfico por 3-4 años y es un artista autodidacta desde su adolescencia. El juego que lo envió a perseguir el sueño de convertirse en un artista conceptual para videojuegos es Journey, y los que lo impulsaron son Spiritfarer, la saga Uncharted y la trilogía de Dark Souls, especialmente su segunda instalación. Sus inspiraciones actuales son DnD, Vocaloid y Bleach. ________________________ Arián is an illustrator from northern Argentina that takes inspiration from videogames and horror media. He studied graphic design for 3-4 years and has been a self taught artist since his teenage years. The piece of media that sent him chasing the dream of becoming a concept artist for videogames is Journey, and the ones that pushed it further are Spiritfarer, the Uncharted saga and Dark Souls trilogy, especially the 2nd installment. His main current inspirations are DnD, Vocaloid and Bleach. Contacts and relevant links / Contactos y links relevantes: Email: arian.sch@yahoo.com Instagram: @arian.v.art Relevant links: linktr.ee/azover Patreon: patreon.com/Azover

Image ID for writers under the cut / ID de impagenes para escritores debajo del corte

@fatheriimaginedyoutaller (En discord y Tumblr) They/he - Elle/él

ESPAÑOL:

Pueblo Crepúsculo Resumen: Un hombre afroamericano se encuentra varado en las sienas cordobesas cuando su auto le falla. Allí el es plagado por la visión fantasmagorica de su abuelo, quien fue asesinado por el Ku Klux Klan.

Devin no creía en las maldiciones, era un muchacho de ciencia, de las sociales, pero de la ciencia al final del día. Pero si, uno "podría" decir que todo había empezado con su abuelo. Si decidía darle crédito al poder de las coincidencias. A Devin JI lo habían colgado de un árbol miembros del Klan, y si, era porque se le había roto el auto en el pueblo equivocado. Pero si creía en el miedo. Y no en cualquier miedo. Pero ese que viene de tus antepasados, que parece transmitirse por una mera gota de sangre en el mar que son los seres humanos. Como el temor a nadar en una pileta profunda, no por el agua en sí. Si no porque alguien podría venir y verter ácido en ella en cualquier momento."

Caballito de Mar Resumen: Un hombre transgénero reflexiona sobre unas noticias inesperadas

"Cuando por fin te hayan atendido primero les preguntaras cómo estuvieron sus respectivos días, porque sí te quedó alguna de las cosas con las que te criaron seguro son esos modales católicos. Luna te hablara de su madre, Sam de su padre. Trataras de contener tu entusiasmo mientras aprendes de las experiencias de tus novias. Esas cosas únicas de ellas. Sus relaciones, sus manías, sus sueños … "

Diccionario Resumen: Un hombre hace dedo hasta su casa luego de la marcha por la vuelta de Perón

"Má siempre decía que había dos mundos, el de Uno y el del Otro. Nunca supe que quería decir hasta que se me rompieron la suelas de los zapatos entre Avenida Rivadavia y Callao. La mayoría de la gente ese día estaba en El del Otro, donde lo importante era el movimiento y que no había ningún sacrificio demasiado grande; mientras yo estaba en el Mio, donde lo único que me preocupaba era mi Tana que estaba en casa sola con el pibe. Cuando llegué a Balvanera ya se me había partido el alma en dos. Me paré en una esquina y extendí mi brazo con el pulgar arriba. No sabía para qué .La ciudad estaba vacía y no inspiraba confianza mi cara de indio. El simpático siempre fue Carlitas, mi medio hermano. Él sí parecía recién bajado de la parte de arriba del barco."

La Luna Resumen: Un cacique de Puerto Iguazú, desprotica contra la luna por haberse llevado a su hijo.

"Hola ¿Cómo estás.? Perdóname que te deje este recado por medio del dueño del almacén. Vos sabes que nuncafuí muy bueno con lo emocional, los sentimientos _ Soy el hijo de mi padre en ese sentido. Cuando ya hayamos llegado a la luna, será el momento de la verdad, sabremos por fin si un lobizón sobrevive allí en el espacio. Vos nunca entendiste porque me gustaba tanto la luna. Era una obsesión infantil, capaz todavía lo sea. La verdad es que: Siento que tengo un propósito, de devolverle algo a la humanidad, porque la amo demasiado. La amo con sus defectos, sus manías, y si, con sus personas.

ENGLISH:

Twilight Town

Summary: A man finds himself stranded in the Cordovan siennas when his car breaks down. There he is plagued by the ghostly vision of his grandfather, who was murdered by the Ku Klux Klan.

Devin did not believe in curses. He was a man of science, the social kind, but science at the end of the day. But yes, one "could" say it had all started with his grandfather. If he decided to give credence to the power of coincidences. Devin II had been hung from a tree by Klan members, and yes, he was Klan members, and yes, it was because his car had broken down in the wrong town. in the wrong town. But he did believe in fear. And not just any fear. But the kind that comes from your ancestors, that seems to be passed down through a mere drop of blood in the sea that is human beings. human beings . Like the fear of swimming in a deep pool, not because of the water itself. But because someone might come and pour acid into it at any moment."

Seahorse

Summary: A transgender man reflects on some unexpected news.

"When they've finally taken care of you first you'll ask them how their respective days were, because if you have any of the things left that they raised you with I'm sure it's those Catholic manners. Luna will tell you about her mother, Sam about his father. You'll try to contain your enthusiasm as you learn about your girlfriends' experiences. Those unique things about them. Their relationships, their quirks, their dreams…"

Dictionary

Summary: A man hitchhikes home after the march for Perón's return.

"Má always said there were two worlds, that of One and that of the Other. I never knew what he meant until the soles of my shoes broke between Avenida Rivadavia and Callao. Most people that day were in El del Otro, where the important thing was the movement and that there was no sacrifice too big; while I was in El Mio, where the only thing I was worried about was my Tana who was at home alone with the kid. When I arrived at Balvanera, my soul was already broken in two. I stopped at a corner and extended my arm with my thumb up. I didn't know why, the city was empty and my Indian face didn't inspire confidence. The nice one was always Carlitos, my half-brother. He did look like he just got off the top part of the boat."

The Moon

Summary: A cacique of Puerto Iguazú, reproaches the moon for having taken his son.

"Hello, how are you? Forgive me for leaving you this message through the owner of the store. You know I was never very good with emotions, feelings _ I am my father's son in that sense. When we have reached the moon, it will be the moment of truth, we will finally know if a werewolf survives out there in space. You never understood why I liked the moon so much. It was a childish obsession, maybe it still is. The truth is: I feel I have a purpose, to give something back to humanity, because I love it too much. I love it with its flaws, its quirks, and yes, with its people.

@mearpsdyke She/her - Ella

ESPAÑOL:

-La canción del mar

Le sostiene la mirada, preguntándose por las ciaturas que alberga, por los naufragios y cadáveres que reposan en el fondo de sus aguas. Se pregunta si, tal vez, el mar tiene consciencia y los humanos no lo saben, si la melodía de las olas que se estrellan contra las rocas son en realidad palabras que usa para llamar su nombre, diciéndole que se adentre en sus aguas, prometiendo unas rocas cómodas para que su cadáver pueda reposar. Los peces se remueven, peleando por una libertad que no llegará. Pronto se quedarán sin oxígeno y morirán lenta y dolorosamente. A Kika a veces le gusta jugar a que es un Dios y los peces son su creación agonizante, quienes esperan el dulce alivio de la muerte. Ve cómo la vida abandona sus ojos y dice una oración antes de guiar el cuchillo por sus entrañas.

-Cliffs Edge

Cuando la luna está llena y es la hora donde las penas y arrepentimientos te sofocan, tiene el impulso de tomar su auto, manejar hasta la casa de Gina y pedirle que se den una segunda oportunidad, que hará bien las cosas esta vez. Pero entonces recuerda el anillo que Gina porta en su dedo anular en cada partido, y se obliga a volver al presente y dejar el pasado en el pasado. Le parece cruel que su familia la quiera más que al nuevo prometido de Gina, que aún la inviten a la casa donde tienen fotos de las dos jugando partidos juntas, en reuniones familiares, en fiestas y hasta en Navidad. Nunca encuentra el coraje para decirles que se olviden de ella para poder pasar página; la casa Zelarayán es su casa lejos de su verdadero hogar, allá en Jujuy.

-Fragmentario

Buscas en el recoveco más profundo de tu alma, alguna pasión que salve tu gris existencia, pero solo encuentras eco y telarañas sin moscas. Y cuando entruentras algos a lo que aferrarte, no es lo suficientemente serio para el resto, ¿y realmente importan los insultos ya? ¿Qué le hace una cicatriz más al guerrero, un clavo más a Jesús en la cruz, otro volcán a Pompeya? Así que te envuelves en tu capa más roja, pelas los dientes cual animal acorralado y hieres a todo lo que oza cruzarte.

-La tierra del nunca

Persigo un atardecer que no existe, espero un día que nunca fue y escucho palabras que nunca pronunciarás en cada mirada tuya. Vivo el mismo día todos los días esperando que alguien se apiade, a que Te apiades, y las palabras salgan como balas. Porque es más piadoso morir por obra y mano tuya a que la incertidumbre me consuma.

ENGLISH:

-The Sea’s Song

She holds its gaze, wondering about the creatures it houses, about the shipwrecks and corpses that rest at the bottom of its waters. She wonders if, perhaps, the sea has consciousness and humans don't know it, if the melody of the waves crashing against the rocks are actually the words it uses to call her name, telling her to enter its waters, promising some comfortable rocks so that her corpse can rest. The fish stir, fighting for a freedom that won’t come. They will soon run out of oxygen and die slowly and painfully. Kika sometimes likes to pretend that she’s a God and the fish are her dying creation, waiting for the sweet relief of death. She watches the life leave their eyes and says a prayer before guiding the knife into their insides.

-Cliffs Edge

When the moon is full and it’s the time when sorrows and regrets suffocate you, Nerea has the impulse to take her car, drive to Gina's house and ask her to give each other a second chance, promising to do things right this time. But then she remembers the ring Gina wears on her ring finger to every game, and forces herself to return to the present and leave the past in the past. She finds it cruel that Gina’s family loves her more than Gina's new fiancé, that they still invite her to their house where they have photos of the two of them playing games together, at family gatherings, at parties and even Christmas. She never finds the courage to tell them to forget about her so she can move on from her; the Zelarayán household is her house far from her real home, back in Jujuy.

-Fragmented

You search in the deepest corners of your soul for some passion that saves your gray existence, but you only find echo and cobwebs without flies. And when you find something to hold on to, it's not serious enough for the rest, and do insults really matter anymore? What does one more scar do to a warrior? One more nail to Jesus on the cross? another volcano to Pompeii? So you wrap yourself in your reddest cloak, you bare your teeth like a cornered animal and you hurt everyone who dares to cross you.

-The land of Never Ever

I chase a sunset that doesn’t exist, I wait for a day that never was and I hear words that you’ll never say in every look of yours. I live the same day every day waiting for someone to have mercy, wait on you to take pity, and let the words come out like bullets. Because it is more pious to die by your work and hand before uncertainty consumes me.

[topguncortez]

Are You With Me? | Ch I

| Jake Seresin x Shy!Wifey

series masterlist | next part

synopsis: Jake gets a terrifying call in the middle of the night that has him rushing to his ex-wife's side. Y/N is put in the middle of two men who she cared about. The Seresins get shocking news.

word count: 2.2k

warnings: emergency rooms, medical inaccuracies, mentions of blood, childhood cancer, fighting, divorce, mentions of cheating

“What happened?” Jake asked, out of breath as he ran down the corridor. He had just fallen asleep when he got a frantic call from his ex wife. He could hardly make out the words she was saying to him, but he managed to understand that she was taking their daughter to the ER. It was like a hot knife in Jake’s chest as he sprinted out of bed and broke nearly all traffic laws to get to the hospital. 

Y/N’s was shaking like a leaf in the wind, as she took a step away from the large window where she had been watching doctors and nurses tend to her child, “I-I don’t know,” Her voice was thick with tears, her eyes and nose red. The only thing she wore was a nightgown and a jacket over it, “Ella, sh-she has had this cough and it hasn’t gone away and she started complaining about not being able to breathe and then. . .” Y/N sucked in a deep breath, trying to slow her heart rate down, “There was so much blood.” 

“Shh, shh,” Jake pulled her into his chest, cradling the back of her head. A loud sob racked through her body, and Jake held her tighter, “Let’s go sit down, okay? I’ll get you some tea and a snack.”

Y/N nodded her head, and let Jake guide her through the hospital to the waiting room. Her body felt heavy as she collapsed in the chair. The only image flashing through her mind was of her daughter standing in the doorway of her room with blood all over her shirt. Y/N closed her eyes, rubbing them with the heel of her hand. Ella had been complaining about her chest hurting and this persistent cough that would not go away. Y/N just thought it was her being sick with the common cold. 

“Here,” Jake said, holding a foam cup and a granola bar out to his ex-wife. Y/N gingerly took the items and Jake sat down in the chair next to her. The tension stretched over them as they both sat in silence, Y/N nibbling on the granola bar and Jake fiddling with his fingers. The last time they had sat this close to one another was when they were in couples therapy. Most of the time, if they had to sit near each other, they would put one of the kids in the middle. 

“I’m sorry I called you so early,” Y/N mumbled, breaking the silence. 

Jake looked at her, a small frown on his face, “I’d rather you did than wait until morning. I know you hate doctors.”

“Had to get over that this past year.” 

A year. It had been a whole year since Jake signed those papers, and Y/N had walked out of his life. It had been a year of utter misery for the both of them, but their pride got in the way of being able to admit that. It had been a year of awkward conversations while dropping the kids off at each other’s houses. A year of avoiding each other at Dagger family events. A year of tears and aching hearts when the other mentioned going out on a date. A year of suffering because of one mistake. 

“Well, Ella is my daughter,” Jake said, sitting up in his seat, “And I am going to be here for my daughter, no matter what time it is.” 

They both agreed in the divorce to keep things as civil as they possibly could for the sake of the children. Jake didn’t fight Y/N on custody, only asking that he gets them on the weekends. Y/N still allowed Jake to come over as often as he wanted to, and he was at the house most nights. Jake hated going home to that small on-base house that was nothing compared to the beautiful craftsman they had bought together after Eli was born. Y/N let Jake stay for dinner, and help with bath time, before getting the kids to bed. It was always awkward when he’d leave for the night; both of them wanting to ask the other if they would stay. 

“I know,” Y/N swallowed, “I just. . . I don’t know.” 

The silence stretched back over them. The lobby of the emergency room was surprisingly busy for an early Tuesday morning. Drunkards were waiting to get fluids to sober up. A couple who looked like they were about to have a baby sat in the corner, the man coaxing his wife through breathing exercises. A sad looking elderly man with a deep frown etched on his face. A mother holding her child to her chest, soothing his hiccups. Y/N longed to be able to be back with Ella, but the doctors had ushered her out of the room when Ella quit breathing. 

Y/N was lost in her thoughts when a voice called out to her, “Y/N.” 

“Miles,” She stood up from her chair, “W-what’s going on? Is Ella alright?” 

“You’re my daughter’s doctor?” Jake said, eyeing Miles up and down. 

Y/N shot a glare in Jake’s direction. Now was not the time to get in a pissing match. 

“I am,” Miles said, brushing off Jake’s comment, “I was working a round in the ER when she came in. I’m also lead pediatric surgeon.” 

Rolling his eyes, Jake muttered, “Of course you are.”

“Anyway,” Miles continued, “We ran some tests on Ella, a simple blood test and then an X-Ray,” He paused for a moment, trying to gather his thoughts. Y/N’s hand reached out for Jake’s on instinct, squeezing it, “Her blood test came back showing signs of abnormal cell growth, and there’s a small mass on the right lower lobe of her lung.” 

It was as if Miles had slugged Y/N in the chest. She sat down, afraid her knees were going to give out if she were still standing. The words Miles and Jake were sharing might as well have been a world away, as none of it was making sense to her. 

“How did this happen?” Y/N asked, her voice felt foreign to her as she looked up at the men, “How did I miss this?” 

“We don’t really know,” Miles said softly, “Sometimes, the body just creates abnormal cells. Lung cancer in kids looks totally different than lung cancer in adults. It’s not your fault.” 

Y/N nodded her head and looked down at her hands, “So what do we do?” 

“We’re gonna discharge her for today, and send you home with some medicine to help suppress the cough. Then we’re gonna get you set up with an oncology appointment, run some more tests and we’ll go from there.” 

“Can we see her?” Jake asked. 

“Of course,” Miles nodded his head, and told them Ella’s room number. 

Jake sat down next to Y/N, letting out a deep sigh. This was the last thing he thought was going to happen when Y/N called him at 2:30 in the morning. The only person Jake knew to have lung cancer was his grandfather, and it was a bitter end to his life. Hospitals, and oxygen masks, and not being able to do anything but lay in a bed and wait for death to come. It wasn’t what he imagined for his little girl. Not in this lifetime. 

“You never told me what happened between you and Miles?” Jake asked, looking over at Y/N. 

She let out a sigh, stretching her arms out and flexing her fingers, “Just didn’t work out.” 

Truth was, Y/N was so irrevocably in love with Jake, that being with Miles was only going to cause more harm than good. Miles had been the perfect guy; he was respectful, kind, he cared about Y/N’s kids and treated them with respect as well. He also loved her, flaws and all. And that was the issue. Miles loved Y/N more than Y/N could ever love him. It broke her heart to have to break up with him, but she couldn’t let him continue to think that something was going to happen. 

Jake hummed, “I thought you two were going to get-” 

“Can we not talk about my love life right now?” Y/N snapped, looking at her ex, “Now is not the time.” 

“I’m sorry,” Jake apologized, “She’s going to be okay, ya know?” Y/N’s eyes filled with unshed tears, “She’s strong and healthy, just like you.” 

Y/N nodded her head, “I know. It’s just not what I want for her. I hate this!” 

Jake wrapped his arm around Y/N’s shoulder and brought her into him. He hated seeing her cry and in the past year, he had seen her shed a lot of tears. Over the years, Y/N got better at stuffing her emotions down. It was hard raising kids with a husband who flew jets at supersonic speed into dangerous territories. She had to become both mentally and physically strong to withstand the months of Jake being gone and her left to raise the kids. Now, those emotions came crumbling down. 

“Let’s go back and see her, okay?” Jake asked, pressing a kiss to Y/N’s temple. She wordlessly nodded her head and Jake stood up, helping her to her feet. 

They rode the elevator in silence up to the pediatric floor where Ella was. When the doors opened they were met with bright colored green and blue walls with various animals painted on them. Children were just starting to wake up on the floor, as nurses and aids went into their rooms with colorful cups of medicine. Some parents had spent the night, sleeping on a cot next to their child’s bed, other parents were just arriving with cups of coffee and tired looks on their faces. Y/N was surprised at how warm the unit felt. That was the one thing she hated about hospitals. They always felt so cold and lonely. But the pediatric ward was filled with bright smiles, and laughter. 

Jake knocked on the door to Ella’s room, which had a painted unicorn on it, “Knock, knock,” He said, slowly opening the door. 

“Daddy!” Ella exclaimed. Jake rushed over to the bed, and hugged his little girl tightly. He wasn’t sure if it was because of her illness, but she felt smaller in his arms than she had ever felt, “I missed you.” 

“Missed you too Ella Bella,” Jake said softly, and placed a kiss on her temple, “How are you feeling?” He helped her lay back in bed, and covered her with a blanket. Y/N silently walked to the otherside of Ella’s bed as Jake sat down on the small mattress. 

“I’m tired,” Ella yawned, “Nurse Becky gave me strawberry jell-o and Auntie Val saw me when I had my pictures done!” 

“She did?” Y/N asked, trying her best to sound happy. She made a mental note to contact her best friend and tell her how thankful she was for her visit to Ella. If there was one thing about Val Machado, it was that she was going to care of her friends’ kids. Val even said once the Seresin kids were basically her kids and vice versa. 

“Yes! She gave me a unicorn sticker! Like the one on the door!” Ella held up the sticker that was on her hospital gown. 

“That’s beautiful baby,” Jake said, his green eyes full of love as he brushed his hand over her cheek. 

“Daddy,” Ella said softly, “Can I go home now?” 

“Yes Elles,” Jake nodded his head, “We’re gonna go home. You, me, and Mommy.” 

A weird feeling went through Y/N’s chest when Jake said they were all going home. She tried her best to ignore it, knowing that Jake was only saying words to comfort their daughter. When a nurse came in, Y/N and Jake excused themselves to go sign some paperwork and set up the next doctor’s appointment. They sat on opposite sides of a round table, Jake filling out insurance forms while Y/N sighed Ella’s discharge forms. 

“You shouldn’t have told her that you were coming home,” Y/N muttered. 

Jake furrowed his eyebrows, “Why? I am coming home with you guys.” 

“Jake,” Y/N sighed, setting the pen down. 

“No,” Jake answered, “I am not just gonna go back to base and pretend like everything is fine and dandy. Cause it’s not fine and dandy, Y/N. Our child is sick.”

“I know,” Y/N’s voice became thick with tears, “I know this, Jake.” 

“Then don’t push me away,” Jake sounded defeated, “Not now. Not when we need each other the most.” 

Y/N let out a shaky sigh, “I just don’t know if I can forgive you.” 

“You don’t have to,” Jake said, getting up from his chair and going over to kneel in front of his wife. He grabebd her hands in his, running his thumbs over the back of them, “You don’t have to forgive me now or ever. But you need someone to rely on and be there just as much as I need someone to rely on and be there. This isn’t going to be easy. . . but we are the only ones who will understand what we are going through. We need each other right now.” 

Y/N bit her lip and nodded her head, “Okay.” 

“Okay?” Jake asked, his eyes full of hope and longing. 

“Okay,” Y/N said again, sniffling, “Let’s go take our baby home.”

taglist: @yanna-banana @kmc1989 @soulmates8 @averyhotchner @fandom-life-12 @devil-angel-winchester @jazminlahey20 @jessicab1991 @reidshearts @princess76179 @dizzybee03 @dempy @kellyls04 @daddymack01 @beautifulandvoid @noonenuts @bradleybeachbabe @its-the-pilot @buckysteveloki-me @shibble @a-library-ofmy-own @fanfictionismyhobby @emilyoflanternhill @seitmai @moonlessnight14 @hardballoonlove @sgt-barnesveins @vhkdncu2ei8997 @1nterstellarcha0s @krispybearbouquet @a-serene-place-to-be @seresinslady

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[youunravelme]

to all the girls you've loved before part six

author's note: okay......so i can explain. i know it's been like four months, but i swear it wasn't on purpose and tbh i lost track of time. so here's it is after months of waiting. i promise i didn't forget about it, i just had other projects i was working on (like the 30k words i wrote for two separate fics) that really took up most of my inspiration. there is a time jump in this, but not a huge one. but enough excuses! here's to part six (which is 9.4k words, i figured y'all deserved it)!

pairing: single dad!mat barzal x reader

summary: being a nanny for rich people was probably the worst thing that ever happened to you, until you started working for mat.

warnings: children, rich people, fear of falling in love, moving into angst city baby

day forty-five

you woke up in an unfamiliar place. disoriented, you looked around, noting that it was still dark outside. there was a weight around your waist that was familiar in the sense that you'd felt that sensation before, but unfamiliar in that it smelled like someone new. your heart started racing at the feeling, until you recognized it for what it was: an arm.

your heart rate settled for a moment until you blinked and realized that while you were at home, you were in a different room and considering there was no crib, you could only make one leap in logic:

it was mat's room.

jason's words came back to haunt you almost immediately.

he'll get bored of you eventually. people always do.

your hands felt clammy as you slowly slid out of mat's hold. your knees were shaking. the air was too thick to breathe evenly, but you knew if you started hyperventilating in mat's room, he might wake up and freak out with you.

so you took some shaky breaths and then booked it back to your room.

you stared up at the ceiling for two hours until ella woke up. immediately, you got up, thankful for a distraction from the conflict brewing inside your chest.

when you opened your bedroom door, mat was standing across the hall in his own doorway. his hair was disheveled and his white tee shirt was askew, but it was clear he had the same thought as you.

the two of you stared at each other until one of ella's cries snapped you both back to reality.

"i'll get her," you said quickly before darting into ella's room and ignoring the feeling of his eyes on you. they burned into your back like someone was steaming the clothes hanging off your body.

in the crib, ella was kicking her legs and flapping her arms as much as her sleep sack would allow. and for a moment, you forgot the momentary discomfort at the sight of her gummy smile.

"good morning, sweet girl," you crooned. you reached into the crib and unzipped her sleep sack before picking her up and into your arms. she immediately snuggled into your chest, tucking her head under your chin.

you changed her diaper before heading out to the kitchen where mat was cooking eggs.

you wouldn't look him in the eye, just focused on getting ella into the high chair. mat walked past you, putting her plate of fruit on her high chair tray. it was the closest you'd been since that morning in his bed. and while it was technically innocent, it didn't feel innocent.

as much fun as he was, you'd forgotten that mat was still technically your boss, a friend too, but your boss nonetheless. and sleeping in his bed, regardless of how much you believed you needed it, was a mistake.

you couldn't lose this job, lose ella, lose sydney, but you didn't think you could handle losing mat. not entirely.

so you'd settle for losing the smaller moments of closeness. you'd stay professional with him if only for the sake of keeping your heart and income safe.

god, you hated thinking of him just as an income, but jason's words rang in your head like a small town church bell at noon. was he just waiting to sleep with you? was he just taking pity on you?

it was too early to get a headache.

you sat in a chair next to ella and checked your phone for any messages when a plate was placed in front of you with eggs made in the way you loved and a piece of toast.

"it was all i could manage without giving you food poisoning," mat said sheepishly.

you said a quiet thanks and turned your attention back to your phone, missing the way mat's face contorted into a frown.

"what do you have planned for today?" he asked, taking the seat across from you.

you shrugged, not feeling too keen on going out in public after what happened the night before. you weren't stupid, logically you knew new york was a large city and the odds of running into natalie or jason were slim, but you saw them last night and you weren't too eager to chance repeating the same thing.

"i think we'll just take it easy, stay home and hang out," you said. the words what about you were sitting on the tip of your tongue, but you kept your mouth shut.

mat hummed as he took a bite of his toast. "i'm gonna go work out with tito before practice, and then i think we have some interviews or media to do," he said.

you nodded but said nothing. when ella finished her breakfast, which looked like her tossing eggs onto the floor, you scooped the plate up and hurried back into the kitchen, excited to do something more than just sitting in a room with mat. you started washing the plate, not even thinking about the dishwasher three feet away.

"i can get that," he said, reaching around you and grabbing the plate straight out of your hands. he placed in in the dishwasher before grabbing the broom and sweeping up the eggs on the floor as he cooed at his daughter.

your heart lurched in your chest at the sight, at the view of him being so gentle and doting. you cleared your throat and dusted your clean hands on your pants to keep them from doing something stupid like pulling mat to you and asking him to hold you like he did last night.

"i hate to rush off," mat started as he placed the broom back in its corner and washed his hands. "but i told tito i'd actually be on time today." he got ella out of her high chair and kissed her chubby cheeks. "dada loves you ella bean," he said before approaching you.

you did your best to prepare for eye contact. but the bottom line was as soon as you met his eyes, you couldn't move, couldn't breathe.

he was the prettiest man you'd ever seen, with an even bigger heart.

you snapped out of it when ella reached for you, focusing on how her downy brown hair was growing longer, instead of how she was a complete carbon copy of her father.

for a second, you almost felt bad for her birth mother, nine months of being pregnant, all that labor, only for ella to look just like mat.

but then you remembered that same woman dropped her daughter off with him with just a note, and any lingering feelings of empathy and pity immediately vanished.

you took ella and scampered off to her room, ready to get out of mat's presence.

the two of you were playing with some of her toys when you heard mat call out a goodbye before the door shut behind him.

it wasn't until the lock clicked that you could finally breathe.

day fifty-five

"are you coming to the game tonight?" sydney asked over the phone.

you had your cellphone tucked between your shoulder and your ear as you prepped ella's lunch for the day. the baby in question was babbling to herself when she wasn't stuffing her face with the cheerios you gave her until you could give her lunch.

"uh..." you hesitated, trying to play it off like you were too focused on mashing up bananas.

"oh come on," sydney said. "i feel like i haven't seen you in forever."

"you saw me last week."

"that was seven days ago. you didn't even come to the game earlier this week. what was that about?"

the words were on the tip of your tongue, the truth dangled in front of you like low hanging fruit, but you couldn't get yourself to say it. not in his home, not when he would be getting home shortly, not in front of ella, even though she would never be able to repeat it.

sydney said your name. "are you there?"

you sighed through the receiver. "i'll be there."

"great! i'll pick you up!" she said before hanging up.

you and ella ate in silence until mat came through the front door. ella immediately squealed and threw her bananas in the air, some of which landed in her hair, other pieces ended up on the floor.

"ella bean!" mat smiled as he dropped his things on the ground.

he walked over and you shot up out of your seat to walk into the kitchen under the guise of grabbing paper towels to clean up her mess.

"how was she?" mat asked, taking over your job in supervising his daughter eating her lunch.

you shrugged even though he couldn't see you. "she's been fine. it's been a normal day."

"are you coming to the game tonight?" he asked. truthfully, he'd asked you earlier that morning, or maybe the word begged was a better word to use. you could tell he was disappointed that you hadn't gone to his game earlier that week, but he was never going to pressure you.

"yeah, we're riding with sydney."

"do you have anything to wear?" he asked.

your back was turned, so you didn't see the hopeful gleam in his eye. so when you shrugged and said "sydney said she would get me a shirt," you didn't see the way his shoulders sagged and how the corners of his mouth turned down.

when you turned back around, he was back to looking happy.

you started cleaning up the banana off the floor while mat handed ella her water cup.

"she takes a nap right after lunch, right?"

you looked up at him to find him already staring at you. his hazel eyes felt like they could see right through you, like they could tell you were pulling away and wanted to know why.

you nodded, rendered speechless by his gaze.

"i'll put her down, i've missed her." he booped her nose which made her immediately shriek and squeal. "i don't have to be at the arena for another two hours, so you're free to do whatever."

you expected as much, after his first long roadie, mat wanted to do everything concerning ella. considering he got back earlier that week before having a home game two days later, he hadn't been as present as he would like.

and the result was always a clingy mat.

"sounds good," you said.

maybe you'd text sydney to hang out at a coffee shop for the time being. or maybe you'd lock yourself in your room under the guise of napping while you stared at the ceiling and wondered how you got into this situation.

as ella finished up, the idea hit you immediately.

erin, the woman who you nannied for first.

when mat put ella down, you snuck out the front door and across the hall, praying she would be home. you knocked and waited, fully expecting to turn around and go back to mat's apartment.

you stood outside for all of five minutes before turning back around and heading back into mat's apartment.

"everything okay?" mat asked when you walked back inside the apartment. he was just coming from putting ella down if having one of the baby monitors in his hand was any indication.

"yeah, i'm fine," you said. "i'm just gonna go lay down for a little while."

"oh," he replied. "thought we could watch one of those reality shows you like. felt like i haven't seen you in awhile."

you gave him a small smile. "rain check? i'm really tired."

mat smiled back, though it wasn't as confident as it usually was. if you looked hard enough, you could see the edges of it shake, like he was doing his best to keep up appearances.

but you headed back to your room before you could do something stupid like apologize for the emotional distance and ask for forgiveness.

you got got into bed and stared at the ceiling, only taking your gaze off of it to turn your baby monitor on. you weren't sure how long you were in that borderline comatose state, just repeating jason's cutting words in your head, when ella woke up.

you got up when she cried, fully expecting mat to be gone by then, considering it had been an hour and a half. but you walked into ella's room to see him pulling her out of her crib in his game day suit.

and it should've been illegal to see him snuggle and kiss her cheeks. to witness him cooing back at her as he changed her diaper. you leaned against the door frame, unable to keep your heart from soaring at the sight. just to think, a month and a half ago, he was terrified, now he was changing a diaper like he'd done it his entire life.

he didn't notice you until he turned around and nearly jumped ten feet in the air at the sight of you standing there. "jesus fucking christ," he said. "you scared me."

you couldn't help yourself. "you don't say," you quipped with a grin tugging at the corners of your lips.

mat closed the distance between the two of you and passed off ella. "i hate to run, but--"

"you don't have to explain yourself to me," you said. "we'll see you later."

he nodded and booked it out of the room, but not before pressing a kiss to the side of ella's head.

you heard the door lock behind you a beat later.

you and ella spent the rest of the afternoon lounging around before it was time to start getting ready for the game. you had her dressed in her barzal jersey and a coat while you slapped on a pair of jeans and a tank top, waiting for sydney to bring you the shirt you'd end up wearing.

it was a quarter to six when sydney knocked on the door. she had her daughters with her. winnie immediately went to see ella, who was sitting in her playpen with one of her toys in her mouth.

"you look cute," sydney commented before tossing the shirt at you. without even thinking about it, you tugged the shirt over your head and threw on the jacket you had laid out on the couch.

"so do you," you replied while slinging the diaper bag over your shoulder. you quickly scooped ella up and looked at sydney. "you ready?"

she nodded as the two of you got three kids out to her suv. you had ella in one arm, her car seat in the other, with her diaper bag weighing heavily on your shoulder.

fifteen minutes had passed by the time you got all the girls in the car and strapped in yourselves. you thought everything was normal until sydney turned the music on a little louder and looked at you from the corner of her eye.

"what's going on with you and m-a-t," she spelled out his name probably as a precaution to prevent winnie from picking up any details.

you froze, but tried to play it off. "what do you mean?"

sydney rolled her eyes. "don't play dumb. you asked me for a shirt to wear tonight instead of raiding his closet like you usually do. you didn't go to the game earlier this week under some flimsy excuse."

you sighed, knowing you had been caught.

but sydney wasn't done.

"not to mention, m-a-t asked me what happened at the bar because you'd been distant ever since and hadn't talked to him about it." sydney sighed. "i'm not mad," she said. "i just want to know what's going on with you, i thought things were going well. you two seemed..."

you looked over at the blonde. "seemed like what?"

she shrugged. "just thought you two were a good fit is all."

you groaned. "syd--"

"but we don't have to talk about it, i just think you need to have a conversation with him sooner rather than later."

whatever you had to say was cut off by winnie screaming out the lyrics of baby shark.

the five of you arrived with an hour left until the puck drop. thankfully, the wags rented a suite which meant you didn't have to contend with a huge crowd and ella didn't have to feel confined to just one seat the entire night.

grace along with the other wags greeted you and ella with grace offering to take ella from you in exchange for a margarita, an offer you couldn't turn down.

when the boys came out for warmups, you went with sydney and her daughters and ella down to the ice. ella fought the headphones on her head, she kept reaching for them but you had to pull her little hands away so she wouldn't hurt her ears.

it took a few seconds for matt martin to spot the five of you before he was skating over and waving at his daughters and wife. he smiled at you and ella, tapping the glass once before continuing his warm ups. it was seconds later when your mat showed up with a big smile on his face. ella shrieked, and though the sound was lost in the ruckus of the arena, mat looked happier.

your eyes met and the noise died down, even if it was for a brief moment.

you okay? he mouthed.

you nodded and gave him your most convincing smile. it seemed to do the trick because he was beaming back at you as he skated away backwards, eyes locked on yours.

you turned away and caught sydney staring with a smirk. and while she didn't say anything, you could almost hear her train of thought.

when the game finally started, you were all back in the suite. ella was clinging to you, refusing even the idea of being held by someone else. you couldn't blame her, it was getting close to her bedtime and she was always clingy around that time.

you did your best to pay attention to the puck, to the other players on the ice, but your eyes kept finding 13 whether he was on the bench or the ice. he kept glancing around the ice, probably following the puck like you should be, and occasionally talking to his teammates.

you turned when someone nudged you. grace was standing there with a cup of ice water in her hands. "do you wanna sit?" she asked. "i know your arm is getting tired." you smiled and nodded thankfully, following her over to a pair of seats.

she let you sit in silence for just a moment before she started talking. "are you okay? you seem lost in thought tonight."

part of you wanted to be annoyed with the constant interrogation. no one had ever asked you this many times if you were alright. but that thought alone had your heart lurching.

no one had ever checked on you this many times like sydney, grace, and mat had. it was an unusual feeling, and one that made your heart beat faster in your chest while also making your stomach turn.

"i've just got a lot on my mind," you said, hoping the answer would suffice.

grace nodded, like she could recognize when it wasn't worth the effort to keep pestering. "if you ever need someone to talk to, i'm here. i know running into an ex is never fun."

you kept a straight face even though grace hit the nail on the head.

the game continued on with the islanders winning 6-2. but you had been so out of it, if anyone asked, you wouldn't be able to tell them who the isles played against.

you made your way down to the locker rooms with ella sleeping against your shoulder and the diaper bag slung over the other shoulder. you would've put her in the car seat, but after an earlier attempt ended in her crying and screaming for ten minutes before she fell back asleep, you decided to just hold her. grace had the car seat in one hand so you wouldn't have to carry it while holding winnie's hand with her other one so sydney could carry her diaper bag and her youngest.

the three of you waited with the other wags, making small talk amongst yourselves like you had all night.

anders came out first and kissed his wife before greeting everyone else. matt came out shortly after with casey. his attention was immediately drawn to winnie who ran into his legs with zero hesitation.

you waited for ten minutes before your mat came out with his game day suit on and wet hair. it felt as familiar as your mother's homemade cooking.

he smiled when he saw you, anything anthony was telling him didn't matter anymore.

"what'd ya think?" he asked.

"you played a good game."

his gaze drifted from your eyes to your lips then to the baby on your shoulder. his brows creased in confusion. "she didn't sleep in the car seat?"

"we tried, but she screamed and wouldn't settle unless i was holding her."

he nodded before adjusting the bag in his hand so he had a free one to scoop the car seat out of grace's grip. he nodded towards the diaper bag on your shoulder. "want me to carry that?"

"you saying i'm not strong enough to carry it by myself?" honestly, you were supposed to be keeping things professional between the two of you, but you just couldn't help but quip back at him. not when he made it so much fun.

mat rolled his eyes and took the bag off your shoulder and slung it over his own. "let's go home."

day sixty-eight

with christmas approaching, you were spending all of ella's nap times, packing your bags and wrapping presents. thankfully, you had the foresight to ship your family's christmas presents to your parents' house.

it was just a matter of wrapping mat and ella's presents.

you might've gone overboard with ella's presents, spending too much money on books and a stuffed animal you thought was cute. mat's present was different.

it was always gonna be different.

originally, you weren't even sure if you were going to get him a present considering you were trying to keep things professional. but sydney let it slip that his present to you was really thoughtful, so you immediately left the apartment as soon as mat got home.

in the end, the tie felt a little impersonal, but you added a note, heartfelt enough to not be insulting, but maintaining an air of professionalism. you kept the presents in your room, knowing mat wouldn't try to guess what you got him if it was out of sight.

mat had roped you into decorating for christmas, a tradition he hadn't honored since moving out to new york, but with it being ella's first christmas, he was going all out.

with ella's first christmas approaching, mat's family made plans to fly in two days before to attend the game. you made plans to leave the city so his family didn't have to get a hotel room and you could miss the christmas eve traffic.

your bags were packed by the door while mat got ella ready.

"who's driving you to the airport?" he asked at the dinner table the other night.

"no one," you said after you'd swallowed your food. "i'm taking an uber."

mat made a noise in the back of his throat. "no you're not. i'll drive you. what time do you have to be at the airport?"

"mat, it's not that serious."

"it is to me. so again, what time do you need to leave?"

mat came walking down the hallway with ella all bundled up against the cold weather that was raging just outside the window. snow flurries were falling down at a rapid rate, something that might've concerned you had mat, a canadian, not been the one to drive you.

he handed ella off to you before scooping your bags up in one hand and opening the front door with the other.

"you don't have to carry my bags, mat."

"well, you're carrying my child, so why would i make you carry bags on top of that?"

"you could've carried ella!"

"not when i was planning on carrying your bags! now let's go, you don't want to miss your flight, now do you?"

the three of you headed out to his car and loaded it up. mat placed your bags in the trunk while you strapped ella in before you both hopped in the front and headed towards the airport.

"you excited to see your family again?"

you nodded. "it'll be good to see everyone again."

"you don't have any relatives you'd rather avoid?"

you couldn't help it, a laugh burst out of your mouth without your permission. "actually not this time around but--"

an alert on your phone cut you off.

flight BA4739 has been cancelled due to a mechanical issue.

"you've gotta be shitting me," you said.

mat glanced at you before quickly turning his eyes back to the road. his attention, though, was still on you. "what happened?"

"my flight's cancelled."

mat eased into the right lane and began the drive to the apartment. "are there any flights you can catch?"

you were a step ahead of him, checking every possible flight out of jfk and shaking your head when you came up empty handed. "it doesn't look like it." you sighed and pressed your head against the head rest. "god, i'm sorry mat. i know your family is coming in tomorrow and this puts a dent in things."

he scoffed. "it's fine, just means they'll have to get a hotel, but i can take care of that easy."

your eyes shot open. "mat, don't put them in a hotel, i can find someone to stay with."

"i'm not kicking you out of our home. that's ridiculous."

you clenched your jaw to keep it from dropping at his statement. mat said it so plainly, it was almost like it wasn't a big deal.

"mat--"

"listen, you're not going to a hotel, that's final. when we get home, we'll check for the next flight out and i'll buy the tickets."

"you don't have to--"

"consider it my christmas present to you," he said like there weren't presents under the tree with your name carefully written on them.

you rolled your eyes, but there was a smile tugging at the corners of your lips.

when the three of you got back to the apartment, you grabbed ella while mat took the bags. the second you three were settled, you were pulling out your laptop and double checking for flights. when you couldn't find anything, you sighed and resigned yourself to a white christmas in new york.

day sixty-nine

you and ella were dancing to christmas music in the living room when the barzals came in through the door.

"let me see my grandbaby!" nadia said, dropping her purse on the couch.

you handed ella over immediately, though you hung around for a second to see if she would cry. but ella just smiled and stuck a fist in her mouth.

liana came through next, hugging you briefly before turning her attention to her niece.

a man who you'd never met but knew to be mat's father walked in carrying bags of his own with mat following behind him. you fully expected to be bypassed in favor of ella, and you wouldn't even blame him. but he stopped in front of you and placed the bags on the ground at his feet. with a heavy hand he'd placed on your shoulder, mike barzal began to speak.

"thank you," he said. "thank you for taking care of my son and my grandchild. when we heard the news, my wife and i were trying to figure out what to do, but then mat called a few days later and sang your praises." he squeezed your shoulder gently. "i can't tell you how much it means to us knowing that you're here taking care of ella and helping mat."

you managed a smile, not really having the words to communicate how much having mat and ella has changed your life.

mike squeezed your shoulder one more time before walking over to where his wife and daughter stood.

mat approached you next, the bags he carried in were resting by the door.

"i can sleep on the couch, or go out and buy an air mattress and sleep in ella's room," you said. "just say the word."

mat rolled his eyes and elbowed you lightly. "quit it. this is your home too, i'm not kicking you out."

"i hope i didn't hear you offering to vacate your room," nadia turned around and faced you, quirking an eyebrow. "we're not going to make you leave."

"you wouldn't be making me do anything, i'm offering--"

"and we're denying the offer," she said matter of factly. "there's a nice hotel not too far from here."

"i don't want to split up your family for christmas!"

nadia approached and with the arm not holding ella, she reached out and squeezed your hand. "sweetheart, you've been taking care of my babies, you're family to me now."

you swallowed the lump in your throat.

"i'm sorry you don't get to spend christmas with your family," she started. "but i'm glad i get to watch you open the presents we got you in real time."

your jaw dropped. "mrs. barzal you didn't have to--"

she shook her head. "you deserve to be appreciated, sweetheart." then she directed her attention to ella. "isn't that right, baby?"

liana turned her attention to you. "are you going to the game tonight?"

you shook your head. "i'm going to grace's to help with last minute decorations for the team christmas party."

"are you taking ella?"

you shrugged. "i figured i'd leave that up to you. i can take her if you'd rather focus on the game and not a cranky baby.

nadia pressed kisses to ella's cheeks, enough that the little girl shrieked with laughter. "let's play it by ear, if she's cranky before the game, she can go with you, if that's alright."

you smiled and nodded.

as the day went on, ella stayed in pretty high spirits, even when mat left to head to the arena. she took a lengthy nap which gave nadia enough confidence to take her to the game. you ubered to grace's house, a secret that was meant to stay between you and liana, who saw you ordering the ride.

you arrived at grace's house five minutes before the puck dropped. in true hockey wife fashion, she had the game pulled up in the living room so you could watch while you worked. sydney's daughters were camped out in front of an ipad, watching bluey while their mom came in and out of the room with bags of groceries. grace's daughters, you were told, were already in bed.

"where's the baby?" winnie asked when she saw you.

you couldn't help yourself and laughed. "she's at the game."

"why aren't you with her?"

you smiled and squatted down to look her in the eye. "her grandparents are watching her, so i came over here to help."

winnie furrowed her brows, scrutinizing you. "but you're her mom, you're supposed to be with her. my mom is always with me."

"i'm not ella's mom, winnie. i'm her babysitter. like when your parents go out sometimes and they have a babysitter watch you? that's my job."

"then where's her mom?"

you opened and closed your mouth a few times before you realized the words just failed you. there was no way to say the truth other than plainly.

so you shrugged and said "i don't know."

sydney and grace rounded the corner and smiled when they saw you, greeting you with hugs.

"so it shouldn't take too long," grace started. "we're just adding a few decorations, sydney's gonna help me in the kitchen with prepping some of the food for christmas." her attention turned to you. "do you think you can handle the decorations around the house? it should just be the downstairs and the railings up to the second floor. nothing too extravagant."

you looked at the totes of decorations numbering in three total on the floor. "i can do that," you said.

grace smiled wide. "thank you, thank you, thank you!"

you smiled back and immediately got to work. it wouldn't take you long, the house was already pretty decorated, but grace had gone about and beyond and insisted on getting stockings for every player's family still in town, which was more than half the team. there was a table in the front entrance where you put the players' stockings and laid them out in neat rows.

on the stockings, there was the last name of the player with names below it being members of their family. marty's had sydney's, winnie's, and alice's name below his own. sorokin's just had his own name. but you hesitated when you pulled mat's out of the tote.

barzal was in big letters with ella's name underneath.

and then your own.

you blinked over and over, thinking maybe you were hallucinating.

"i hope i didn't overstep!" grace's voice startled you out of your stupor. "when mat told me you were staying in town for the holiday, i went ahead and added your name. do you know if his parents and sister are joining us?"

you shook your head. the plan was you'd be with the barzals christmas eve and christmas morning, but christmas night, when you went to the lee's house, nadia, mike, and liana would stay back. as far as you heard, anders had extended the invitation, but they declined it, not wanting to impose.

grace nodded. "okay, sounds good then!" she made a move to walk away but stopped when she saw the look on your face. you weren't quite sure what she was seeing from her perspective, but your mind was racing and your feet felt like lead. "are you okay? you seem in your head."

you shrugged. "just trying to figure things out."

"is everything okay with mat? you two seemed fine not too long ago."

and you were. but you hadn't told sydney or grace about how you slept in the same bed as mat the night you ran into your ex. and you weren't going to share that now. they'd both read into it, think things were different than they actually were.

"i just miss my family," you said.

it was clear she didn't believe you, but thankfully, grace let it go. she walked back to the kitchen while you continued to lay out the stockings.

you finished with the stockings shortly after, not sparing another glance to the one with your name on it.

it took another thirty minutes to finish the decorating before you joined grace and sydney in the kitchen. you took a seat at the bar and watched them prepare some of the dishes for christmas. it was mostly just chopping and putting things into pans and oven safe dishes.

you were halfway listening to the chatter happening between the wives when your phone buzzed.

liana told me you ubered to anders'?

mat.

you texted back, a small smile on your face. sydney was already here, i didn't have a ride otherwise.

could've asked me to drop you off.

two hours early? no thanks.

well, stay there until the game is over. i'm picking you up.

you rolled your eyes, but still couldn't keep yourself from smiling.

"what's mat saying now?" sydney asked.

"huh?" you asked, head snapping up to see two smirking blondes staring back at you.

"mat," grace said. "what did he say?"

"how did you--"

"you only smile like that with him," sydney explained. "certainly never smiled like that around your ex, the one time i saw him with you."

at the mention of jason, your stomach churned, but you kept up appearances.

you, grace, and sydney were chatting on the couches when the front door opened with matt, anders, and mat walking in. winnie, who was originally dozing off, popped up from laying on the couch to see her father standing there. she smiled and ran over to him.

anders walked in the living room and kissed his wife.

which just left you and mat, staring at each other across the room and not saying a word.

"how was the game?" sydney asked.

all three of the hockey players shrugged in unision. "fine," anders said before collapsing on the couch next to his wife. "how was your night?"

grace looked at you and sydney before smiling and turning to her husband. "i'd say it was productive and fun." you and sydney hummed in response.

matt came and sat next to his wife and a sleeping alice who was in sydney's arms. which just left an empty spot next to you and mat who was still standing in the doorway.

"barzy, you gonna come sit or stand there awkwardly?" anders chirped.

almost like he was snapped out of a daze, mat walked over and took the seat next to you, leaving about four inches between your hips and his. almost immediately, he threw his arm over the back of the couch behind your head.

you turned and looked at him for a moment, forgetting about the other people in the room. "ella with your parents?"

he nodded. "i offered to take her, but my mom insisted on putting her down."

"did you score at all tonight?"

he grinned and nodded yet again, but it was marty who cut him off.

"should've seen him! two goals, one assist."

your jaw dropped as you looked back at mat. "that's insane!" he immediately beamed at your reaction. your eye contact was broken up when his phone vibrated. mat's face twisted into a frown before he stood up and offered you a hand.

"hate to rush off, but my mom just said ella keeps crying and won't go to sleep, so we gotta go."

marty and sydney stood to their feet, each carrying a child. "we should also be heading out," matt said. anders and grace stood up a beat later, offering to walk all of you to the door.

matt and sydney exited first, with you and mat trailing behind them. mat's hand rested lightly on your lower back, something that had your knees trembling.

grace and anders hugged all of you goodbye and promised to see you in two days. they stood on the front porch and watched as all of you got into your respective cars.

mat didn't say anything until he was pulling out of the neighborhood. unlike the times before, the silence wasn't tense or awkward, it was just calm.

"did you have fun?" he asked.

"yeah, it was nice seeing them outside of hockey games and bar meet ups." you yawned.

"missed you at the game, it wasn't quite the same without you there."

"you scored twice and assisted on one goal, i'd say you did fine without me."

"could've gotten a hat trick if you were there."

you furrowed your brows, but there was a small smile playing at the edges of your lips. this felt normal, like nothing had changed, just you and mat. "how do you figure?"

he shrugged. "i always play better when you're there."

you almost did it. you almost asked him why. but you were scared of the answer, scared of what it would change.

scared that it wouldn't change a thing.

he's not gonna fall in love with you.

it was only a matter of minutes before you were back at your apartment. the two of you took the elevator to get to your floor.

you could hear ella's cries through the front door as mat hastened to unlock it. the second the door was open, every head turned towards the two of you. mat shut the door while you walked over to where liana was holding a crying ella.

ella immediately reached out for you, rubbing at her eyes when she finally settled on your hip. "sorry," you apologized to mat's family.

"what're you apologizing for, sweetheart?" nadia asked. she squeezed your arm before ushering her family to the front door. "we need to get to our hotel and get some rest. we'll see you three tomorrow."

"bye mom," mat kissed his mother's cheek and hugged liana and mike before walking them to the door and locking it behind them.

you stared at him, even as he turned around and made eye contact with you. you finally noticed a line on his forehead that you missed earlier.

you gestured to your own forehead. "you have a line right here..." you trailed off.

mat reached up a hand and felt for it before rolling his eyes. "it's from my helmet, dumbass."

you gasped and covered the one ear of ella's that wasn't pressed against your collarbone. "in front of the baby?"

"you said worse two days ago when you hit your hip on the kitchen counter."

you rolled your eyes, which seemed to be a recurring theme between the two of you that night. "i'm gonna try to take the queen to bed, wish me luck."

"i can put her down if you want," he said but you were already walking down the hallway and waving him off.

it took twenty minutes to settle ella down enough to go to sleep, and by the time you hit your mattress, you were out like a light.

day seventy-one

you woke up when the sunlight peeked through the blinds. your heart immediately shot to your throat when you realized you couldn't hear ella's sound machine through the baby monitor. the panic didn't settle when you turned over and realized it was off.

you jumped out of bed, barely remembering to throw on a sweatshirt over your tank top, and threw the door open.

you were immediately greeted with the sound of christmas music coming from the kitchen. it wasn't until you rounded the corner and saw mat making eggs with ella on his hip that you finally relaxed.

mat turned around at the sound of your heavy panicked breathing. his brows were furrowed and he moved the pan off the stove when he saw you were winded. "are you okay?"

"the monitor was off, i'm so sorry i thought i turned it on last night but i forgot--"

"i turned it off this morning," mat said. "figured you deserved a chance to sleep in."

ella smiled at seeing you and reached for you. mat didn't hesitate to walk her over, probably to make it easier to cook breakfast. you took ella and cherished the snuggles she gave you.

"when is your family coming over?"

mat tapped his phone, presumably to check the time or his texts. "fifteen minutes or so?"

you spared a glance outside. "will they be okay in the snow?"

"uh oh, mama bear's coming out," he teased. "we're literally from canada, my family will be fine."

you nodded, feeling heat crawl up your neck at the slight overreaction and concern.

the three of you sat at the table, eating the eggs and sausage mat made. normally, when you were with your family, you'd eat homemade cinnamon rolls, but maybe this year was about changing traditions and embracing them.

you picked up your phone and called your mom, waiting for her to answer. when she didn't pick up, you just shot her a quick "merry christmas" text and telling her to call you back when she gets the chance, that you couldn't wait to see her tomorrow.

by the time the three of you finished breakfast, his family was knocking at the door, greeting the three of you with an excited "merry christmas" when mat opened the door. while they got settled, you took ella out of the high chair and carried her into the living room.

you sat on the floor in front of the recliner and plopped ella in your lap while mike and nadia brought their wrapped presents in. mat and liana were the ones to pass them all out while their parents got situated on one end of the couch.

you were surprised to see some presents for you written in handwriting you knew did not belong to mat, part of you fully expecting nadia to have been bluffing two days ago.

when the presents were passed out, mat took the seat behind you in the recliner, even going as far as to let you lean against his shin for support.

"now, i don't know how you do it in your family, but in the barzal family, we going youngest to oldest, and we record everything," mike said, holding his phone up. "our sweet ella, though, is the first person to take away liana's long standing reign over opening presents first."

mat got out of the recliner, choosing to sit on the floor on your left, seemingly to help ella open her presents. you scooted back to use the recliner as back support now that mat was sitting next to you.

you heard a beep, presumably of mike's camera starting to record.

"let's open this one, ella bean," mat said to his daughter. he started ripping it at the edge, carefully placing the present in front of her and waiting to see if she did anything with it.

ella stared at it, but otherwise seemed uninterested

"look ella," you said, reaching around her and tugging the paper a little more.

she was uninterested until she heard the distinct sound of ripping. then she tried it for herself, laughing and clapping her hands when it made the noise she liked.

her first present was a puzzle made up of the letters of her name from liana. her next present was from nadia and mike, a box of playpen balls. you couldn't wait to open them, to get her settled in her playpen with them and watch her entertain herself.

mat helped her open the books everyone had bought her. he must've told his family she'd gotten into reading lately, because you weren't the only one contributing to her library.

mat's present to ella was a walker. she'd started crawling a few weeks ago, and mat was determined to get her to start walking before the end of the year.

your last present was the last one for her to open. it was just in a gift bag, and ella thoroughly enjoyed taking the tissue paper out once she got a hang of it. but nothing could've prepared you for the shriek that left her mouth when she saw the stuffed hippo.

you didn't think you'd ever seen her smile that big.

she reached for it with grabby hands, bringing it to her chest when she got it.

"guess we know her favorite gift," mat chuckled.

the rest of the morning was filled with the other presents being opened. you ended the morning with cute sweaters and a barzal jersey.

"so you can stop wearing mat's," liana had said. "figured you'd at least want something clean to wear to games."

mat had mumbled something under his breath, but when you asked him to repeat himself, he just pressed a kiss to the top of ella's head and kept his mouth shut.

when it was mat's turn to open gifts, you could feel yourself flush with embarrassment when he opened your gift. you didn't know the platonic way of saying "i got this because it would bring out your eyes," so you settled with "i thought you'd like it."

and he did, he swore it would be the tie he'd wear in the first game of the new year when you got back in town.

nadia made a wonderful christmas lunch. it was light because she knew you were going to the lee's in a matter of hours, but still better than anything mat could've cooked up.

it wasn't long before the three of you were saying your goodbyes with mike, nadia, and liana all promising to come see you soon, and to thank you for taking care of their newest addition.

just like any other time the three of you left the apartment, you carried ella while mat grabbed the diaper bag.

ella sat in her car seat, snuggling her hippo while mat drove.

"you must be pretty proud of yourself for that hippo gift," he said.

you smiled at him, reveling in the way he'd occasionally take his eyes off the road to look at you. "i am. i have an extra one in my closet just in case this one gets messed up."

his jaw dropped. "you're a fucking genius."

you weren't the last ones to get to anders' and grace's house, but you surely weren't the first. there was a line of cars parked on the street, none of which you recognized.

"are we taking the car seat inside?" you asked when mat put the car in park.

his hand paused over the door handle. "do you think we should?"

you shrugged. "we could always come back out and get it if we need it. but i'm willing to bet that she's gonna be passed around like a hot potato tonight."

mat rolled his eyes but sighed anyway. "as long as dobson doesn't hold her, it'll be fine." with that, he got out of the car and opened the back door to grab the bag.

"wait why?" you asked, getting out and unbuckling ella. "what's wrong with dobson?"

"he's like 23!"

you blinked. "am i missing something? why is that a problem?"

"he's too young to hold her, he'd do something dumb like drop her."

you rolled your eyes as you picked ella up, but said nothing.

the three of you were immediately accosted by christmas music and food smells when you walked through the front door of the lee house.

"you made it!" grace exclaimed, coming out of the living room to greet you. "grab your stocking and head to the couches, i think my husband is gonna do a toast and then we'll get started on dinner."

you nodded along and turned to look at mat who hadn't said anything. your heart dropped straight to your toes when you saw him pick up the stocking that made your mind go blank the other night. his fingers traced over his last name, then ella's name, then yours. he hesitated on yours though, fingers running over it like it was something delicate.

it felt weird to watch that moment, like you were intruding on something private, but before you could look away, he looked up at you. "did you see this?" he asked.

you nodded. "saw it the other night. are you mad?"

he quickly shook his head. "nope. just caught off guard." he glanced back down at the stocking before looking up at you and smiling. "let's get on with this, shall we?"

the night started with anders toasting to the team, but more importantly the wives and girlfriends and support behind each member who'd played a large role whether they realized it or not.

mat nudged you at that moment, which earned him an elbow in the side and a wink from anthony who stood next to him.

when they broke off for dinner, mat offered to take ella so you could get your plate first, but you declined, saying you could wait a few more minutes.

while he was gone, sydney approached. "so, how was this morning? get caught up under any mistletoe?" she nudged you. "get any sentimental gifts?"

when you thought about it, you didn't really. the gifts you got, while amazing, weren't tear jerking, which was surprising considering sydney had said mat's gift to you was thoughtful.

but what was thoughtful about a spa gift card and some bath bombs?

"nope, just the typical gifts, you know?"

sydney's face twisted a little before it righted itself when mat came back with a plate of food.

"got you what i thought you'd like," he said, handing the plate to you.

your brows furrowed. "i thought we agreed you'd eat first."

but he smirked. "no, you did."

"mathew. go eat!"

he shook his head. "not before you. now, let's trade, i'll take my child and you take the plate and go eat with sydney and the other wives if you want." mat handed the plate to sydney before taking ella and walking away before you could say anything.

you watched him walk away for a moment before turning to your friend, only to find her already looking at you. "what?"

she had a smirk for reasons you weren't sure you wanted to know about. "oh nothing."

the night continued on without much fanfare, with you and mat leaving around the same time as the martins again because of the children all three of you brought.

you'd made it back home before midnight. mat this time, wanted to put ella to bed, making sure to leave the hippo out of her crib.

you were in your room packing the last bit of your things so you could leave tomorrow and fly home. you were in the zone until you heard a throat being cleared. when you turned around, mat was leaning up against the doorway with a box in his hand.

"i know you're probably tired, but i have one last present for you."

"mat--"

"i didn't want to give it to you in front of my parents and liana, just seemed too personal." he offered no other explanation and just handed you the box.

you took it carefully, going to your bed and sitting down on the edge to open the present. when you pulled the lid off the box, you were staring at tissue paper until you pulled it away to reveal a photo album.

oh god.

it was the thoughtful present sydney had talked about.

you immediately pulled it out of the box and started flipping through it. the photos were some you'd never seen before, but they were all of you and ella. until you got further in, the photos went from just you and ella to you, mat, and ella.

you looked like a proper family.

sydney or grace must've had a hand in it, because half the photos you didn't remember being taken and they were all candids.

you could feel your eyes water, you noticed the pressure. but you kept wiping at your face to prevent them from falling onto the album itself.

you looked up at mat who looked the most unsure of himself since that first night he had ella. "i hope it wasn't over stepped, i just figured you would like to see how important you are to me, to us, me and ella." he gestured at the book. "some of the photos i took, others i got from grace and syd. i hope it's not weird or anything--"

but you were already up and crossing the room towards him.

a beat later you grabbed him by the back of the neck and pulled his lips to yours.

he responded not even a split second later, his mouth moving against yours. mat's arms came around your waist while your hands made a home in his hair.

was kissing always supposed to be this charged? to feel this right?

you had no idea how long you stood there, kissing mat, before you both pulled away to breathe. your eyes opened slowly, only to meet his hazel irises almost immediately.

and then reality hit you.

jason's words haunting you at just the right time.

he's not gonna fall in love with you. you're a no good bitch who didn't know what she had when she had it.

you pulled away instantly and stumbled back into your room, dodging mat's hold when he tried to reach out for you.

"what's going on?" he asked. "what just happened?"

you shook your head and grabbed your bag, moving past him without making contact. "this was a mistake," you said. "i have to go."

god you felt sick to your stomach.

mat was calling your name, but you kept walking, out the front door, down the stairs, and onto the street where you hailed a taxi.

it wasn't until you got in that you exhaled.

what the fuck had you done?

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[eamour]

nervous system regulation.

this post is especially dedicated for my fellow neurodivergents, specifically those who have add/adhd.

it’s normal for all of us to feel stressed sometimes. stress, as well as anxiety, are both feelings we all experience from time to time. however, dealing with a lot of stress is proven to have a negative impact on your body, more specifically your (autonomic) nervous system. by understanding how to regulate your nervous system, you will have an easier time managing stressful moments, and overall live a lot more balanced and peaceful life. ⋮ © credits

the nervous system.

your nervous system is the control center of your body. it is the part of your body that’s responsible for regulating your breathing, your heartbeat, your blood pressure, your digestion, and also the way you feel. the part of your nervous system that deals with the emotional wellbeing of yours is called "autonomic nervous system".

when feeling stressed, your body naturally reacts in a way to prepare you for the situation. it could respond through an increased heart rate, sweaty palms or the tension of muscles. nevertheless, our bodies cannot constantly withstand stress. continuously experiencing high levels of cortisol and adrenaline can lead to (sometimes serious) health issues.

a dysregulated nervous system.

a nervous system becomes dysregulated when the body cannot properly handle certain situations the way it used to. the body's way of responding to certain situations falls out of sync. it indicates a state of imbalance as you experience your body not being able to keep up with you.

signs.

these are some of the signs indicating you might have a dysregulated nervous system:

anxiety

easily irritated

memory problems

difficulty concentrating

headaches

quickly overwhelmed

mood swings

panic attacks

digestive issues

trouble sleeping

constant fatigue

chronic pain

persistent muscle tension

weakened immune system

stressors.

here is a list of stressors that are known to disrupt your nervous system balance:

chronic stress

burnout

traumatic events

poor sleep habits

unhealthy diet

no time for relaxation

support.

here are things you can do to help regulating your nervous system again:

meditating and resting

listening to music

dancing and moving

stretching and walking

eft tapping

massaging yourself

affirming

practicing mindfulness

reconnecting with nature

hugging someone or yourself

somatic shaking

rubbing ice cubes on face

taking a cold shower

sleeping and waking up early

grounding yourself

humming, singing and laughing

talking to someone

reading or listening

using a weighted blanket

drinking herbal tea

engaging in calming activities

deep breathing exercises

prioritising your sleep

with love, ella.