#embittered

[howifeltabouthim]

For the first time, Ivy's soul quivered in fear of the future. Wasn't her mother proof that your first love wasn't frivolous and fleeting, and that the loss of it could destroy you, leaving behind a bitter husk of a woman who resented her husband and children because they were not the family she was supposed to have?

Susie Yang, from White Ivy

[justana0kguy]

2023 AUGUST 21 Monday

"Many times did He rescue them, but they embittered Him with their counsels. Yet He had regard for their affliction when He heard their cry."

~ Psalms 106:43ab,44

[immaculatasknight]

Deluge of angry Ukrainians

[madewithonerib]

5.] Dissatisfied/Embittered/Resentful

[B]  These are people like that Cynthia Heimel was        describing. These are people who got the things        they thought it was in & it wasn't in the things!

       There are at least 4 ways of responding to that

First of all, C.S. Lewis speaks about some of that in his BBC Radio talk & his book: [25:50] 

[1] Some people in this category get successful & they       find they are unhappy, and they are sure the real       problem was: "I need to get another set of things"

      So I got married, I'm not nearly as satisfied as I       thought, so I need another spouse. [26:14] 

      So I got this great career, I made this amount of       money, but I'm still not all that satisfied so I will       probably need to make twice as much money!

      Ah C.S. Lewis calls these the fools. [26:26] 

https://madewithonerib.tumblr.com/post/718457553335599104/overview-of-proverbs-willmingtons-bible-at-a

      He says they are fools because they're a nuisance       to most people actually. [26:31]

      He says an awful lot of bored celebrities & wealthy       people are like this, and that is they got everything       they thought would make them happy.

      They are unhappy so they just keep discarding the       old thing & trying to find the new thing. If I just get       the right new things, then I'll get it!

      He calls those the fools.

[2] There is a 2nd group of people, who get successful       & find that they are unsatisfied; & I call them the       spiritualizing group. They have decided that their       mistake was, thought they were going to find IT in       material things, like money/sex/power.

      And instead they decide, I'm going to find my IT       [my satisfaction] in more spiritual things, so I'm       going to work for a better world.

      or I'm going to work for social justice, or I'm going       to help the poor, or you know I'm going to work on       meditation. I'll get to that in a minute.

      There are some people who might say,

      "Well my problem was I thought that success was       everything, so I'm just going to become a better       person. I'm going to start helping people, I am       going to start doing all these things.

      By the way, that will not make you frankly all that       happy either because it's hard work to do. [27:40] 

      It is very draining to do that,       it is not satisfying to do that.

[3] A 3rd kind of person who gets success & finds that       it has not satisfied them. They are the despairing       people, they are the people that kill themselves,       or hurt themselves, or cut themselves. [27:59] 

      Quite a few people who think that they are going       to find IT in things, & they find they got the things       they thought IT was in & they don't find it there,       some of them just give up. [28:08] 

[4] But lastly under this category, this is where most       people I think go. [28:15]

      In a place like NYC, where a lot of people have       been successful & they find that they haven't       found that satisfaction. What they do is  they       harden themselves. [28:23] 

      What they do is they say, "There is no IT! And       these deep desires of mine are just illusions,       they're just illusions!" [28:35] 

I think C.S. Lewis actually describes this person in his radio talk, I think he says something like this. If I can remember correctly, this is the self-talk of a person like this:

   "Well of course one feels like that when one    is young, but by the time you get to my age    you've given up chasing the rainbow's end."

And Lewis says, "So this kind of person settles down, learns not to expect much out of life & represses the part of himself that used to as he would say,

   'cry for the moon.'" [29:14] 

Now on the one hand, a person like that become very condescending. On the other hand, a person like that becomes very hard. [29:23] 

You see, if you decide: "Look I wanted so much out of life, but I was crying for the moon, I'm wiser now, I'm more sophisticated now.

You know:

   •  Romance never gives you much.    •  Money never gives you much.    •  Everybody is on the take.

You know nothing really satisfies!"

So you harden yourself, and you become cynical & you become sophisticated. [29:44] 

And to a degree it works, but there are two things that are really really bad about that:

[1] You become a remarkable snob, you are so self-       righteous at anybody who still thinks life has       meaning. You look down your nose at them.

      You become a stuck up prig. [30:03] 

[2] But here's the other thing, which is even worse,       you're hardening a part of your heart that makes       you human: To long for love, to long for meaning       to long for satisfaction & fulfillment--is part of       what makes you human! [30:20] 

And by repressing that part, by rolling your eyes at everybody whose idealistic--you have actually hurt yourself pretty badly. [30:32] 

You've actually destroyed the part of you that makes you a human being & not an animal. [30:36] 

   •  Animals just operate on instinct.    •  Human being have aspirations.

Hope Beyond World P:1,2,3,4,𝟱,6,7,8,9,Q1,Q2,Q3,Q4,Q5,Q6,Q7,Q8,Q9,

[yorkcalling]

New Music: The Silver Lines - Hotel Room

New Music: The Silver Lines – Hotel Room

The Silver Lines are a Birmingham-based indie rock band who have featured on our blog once before, though it was a few years ago. Back in 2018, Jane shared the video for their track Roamer. Since then the band have been busy, with their efforts culminating in their debut EP SLEAZE released earlier this year. Now they’re back with a new single. It’s called Hotel Room. (more…)

[lilsnoozyvert]

i dont care if people hate me for saying this or whatever but the ultracurated version of emo/scene revival that current tiktok teens aspire towards goes against the moral fabric of true emo/scene culture of the 00s and probably many of those ultracurated kids would be the types to bully emo kids back in the day. back then the bullying and 'uncoolness' and the embarrassingness was part of it. now the 'coolness' of it and picking&choosing bits of the subculture to elevate as 'high fashion' is at the forefront. and furthermore Wednesday (2022) created a monster by cementing the vibe of curating an (barely) 'alternative' mainstream. ok send post

[hell-drabbles]

Lucifer 3

Summary: You’re curious about Lucifer’s mouth. So, you ask him to open up. Eventually, you two cuddle.

(More Embittered Companion and Lucifer because he has not exited my mind. Casual intimacy is something I really like.)

Lucifer comes and goes as he pleases, but he always makes sure to knock before coming into your room. It’s become a routine by this point, for Lucifer to come by in the middle of the night, crawl into your bed, and sleep until the morning comes.

It’s pretty much become a thing that brings you comfort. There’s something nice about having someone you actually trust dreaming in the same bed as you. Reminded you of all the times you, Minhyeok and Ra-on would share the same tent back when all of you used to camp every other month or so.

But, that was another routine lost, and one you’re rather sure that you’re not going to get that back.

And here you both are, you sitting up against the bed frame as Lucifer lazily lifted himself up on his elbows. He yawned, jaws wide and tongue flicking over the points of his teeth.

“Can you open your mouth for me?”

You’ve seen his teeth poking past his lips many a time, but you’ve been meaning to take a look at them up close.

Lucifer raised an eyebrow, and you expected him to ask why, but instead he rose, leaned his head forward, and let his jaw go slack. He’s more agreeable in the morning, huh?

“Thanks,” you said, tilting his head back with a finger under his chin.

Sharp thing, all of them. Looking ready to sink into delicate flesh all for the purpose of ripping and tearing. His fangs looked eternally dyed in that red color, as though he spent the night feasting on something bloody. But no, he was here with you the entire time.

You tucked strands of his hair behind his ear, and Lucifer lolled his tongue out.

“Put your tongue back in,” you laughed out, lightly flicking the muscle. “I just want to look at your teeth.”

Lucifer blinked at you, almost lovingly as he swirled his tongue once over your nail, then pulled it back in. You think you’re putting him in a mood. His breathing is starting to lean more into panting.

You tilted his chin down, coaxing him to lower his jaw to get a better view of his bottom teeth. You tapped a nail against the front most tooth. The sharp point of it accidentally slipped under, and you flinched when it almost went too far in.

“Ow.” It didn’t hurt, but you couldn’t help the instinct.

Lucifer’s eyes widened and his hands immediately cradle your wrist. He didn’t say anything as he closely examined each of your finger for even a single hint of a cut. He furrowed his brow as his mouth clicked closed.

“I’m not hurt, I just poked your tooth weirdly. Slipped under the nail for a second.” You didn’t stop him from smoothing his palm against your own, as though committing the feeling of your skin to memory. You slipped your fingers between his own, pulled back, and pushed in again. A small habit. It always brings a softer light in Lucifer’s eyes. Something about your hands always gets to him. “Mind if I look again?”

You haven’t even gotten to the red-tipped fangs.

Lucifer had an almost drunk air around him, heavily leaning against his other arm, thoughts probably slow to connect to one another as he focused entirely on you. He crawled forward and pressed a gentle kiss on your inner wrist. His half-lidded eyes practically glowed.

“Well?” You asked with a half-smile. Lucifer lips nipped at your forearm, aiming higher and higher until his face was fully in your shoulder. His body pressed against yours. “I guess that answers that, huh?”

“Mm-hmm.” Lucifer was slowly laying his weight upon you, his legs parting to fully seat himself on your lap.

You snapped the band of his underwear and laughed when he jumped.

“Alright, alright,” you said, brushing away the curling strands of his hair just to get a better look at the flush on his cheeks. He fully buried himself in your neck, arms loosely wrapping around you. “Guess we’re cuddling.”

“Mm-hmm.”

Shame. You were hoping to have a walk in the early morning, when there wasn’t a crowd of devils gathering in the park you found.

“Want to use my leg to take care of that morning wood of yours?”

He snuggled deeper into your body. “Mm-hmm. In a bit.”

He really doesn’t understand how cute he is.

[uncanny-tranny]

Something I notice is the idea with transmasculinity and transmalehood is almost this idea that we had beauty that transition has vanquished, and I honestly never related to this pretransition.

Beauty was never afforded to me as somebody who was obviously neurodivergent and traumatized and weird. I was never seen as beautiful pretransition, and I knew that. Conversations about how desirable we "used to be" never rang true for me personally because I wasn't even given the opportunity to be "beautiful." I was never going to be included in that even if I were not trans, you know? Since transition, I know I'm desirable now, even if it is not in a conventional way. It's interesting how my masculine features are now embraced because people can actually register my maleness, when before, they would never.

Desirability is often used as a tool and a weapon on trans people. The idea of not being "desirable" is a punishment. It's just weird when you're the trans person who was never desired in the first place, and you know it.

[lemongogo]

& ofc he dreams of her

[byler-alarmist]

What if Season 8 has an episode like "Eddie, Envious and Exasperated"

[thecactifindahome]

Some notes on Amel, Lestat, and eggpreg

Imagine drinking from Akasha and finding out 30 to 4,000 tears later that she got you ghost-pregnant. Sorry Marius, you're a hive now. Also, hm, not getting a great feeling about Amel's essential benevolence here!

Bonus Nicki mention at the end 😔

[kaftan]

basically I don’t really post about parian and foil out of spite because their relationship reads as a consolation prize for embittered lesbian worm readers and I am an embittered lesbian worm reader. but I think it is so fucking funny that one of the major points of conflict for them was parian changing her look from classic lolita to gothic lolita. imagine almost fumbling the girl your heart doki-dokis for over that. imagine almost losing her because you aren’t down to get gothic. foil was ten different kinds of insane for that and other reasons

[madewithonerib]

5.] Dissatisfied/Embittered/Resentful

[B]  These are people like what Cynthia Heimel was        describing. These are people who got the things        they thought it was in & it wasn't in the things!

       There are at least 4 ways of responding to that..

First of all, C.S. Lewis speaks about some of that in his BBC Radio talk & his book: [25:50]

[1] Some people in this category get successful & they       find they are unhappy, and they are sure the real       problem was: "I need to get another set of things"

      So I got married, I'm not nearly as satisfied as I       thought, so I need another spouse. [26:14] 

      So I got this great career, I made this amount of       money, but I'm still not all that satisfied so I will       probably need to make twice as much money!

      Ah C.S. Lewis calls these the fools. [26:26]

      He says they are fools because they're a nuisance       to most people actually. [26:31]

      He says an awful lot of bored celebrities & wealthy       people are like this, and that is they got everything       they thought would make them happy.

      They are unhappy so they just keep discarding the       old thing & trying to find the new thing. If I just get       the right new things, then I'll get it!

      He calls those the fools.

[2] There is a 2nd group of people, who get successful       & find that they are unsatisfied; & I call them the       spiritualizing group. They have decided that their       mistake was, thought they were going to find IT in       material things, like money/sex/power.

      And instead they decide, I'm going to find my IT       [my satisfaction] in more spiritual things, so I'm       going to work for a better world.

      or I'm going to work for social justice, or I'm going       to help the poor, or you know I'm going to work on       meditation. I'll get to that in a minute.

      There are some people who might say,

      "Well my problem was I thought that success was       everything, so I'm just going to become a better       person. I'm going to start helping people, I am       going to start doing all these things.

      By the way, that will not make you frankly all that       happy either because it's hard work to do. [27:40] 

      It is very draining to do that,       it is not satisfying to do that.

[3] A 3rd kind of person who gets success & finds that       it has not satisfied them. They are the despairing       people, they are the people that kill themselves,       or hurt themselves, or cut themselves. [27:59] 

      Quite a few people who think that they are going       to find IT in things, & they find they got the things       they thought IT was in & they don't find it there,       some of them just give up. [28:08] 

[4] But lastly under this category, this is where most       people I think go. [28:15]

      In a place like NYC, where a lot of people have       been successful & they find that they haven't       found that satisfaction. What they do is  they       harden themselves. [28:23] 

      What they do is they say, "There is no IT! And       these deep desires of mine are just illusions,       they're just illusions!" [28:35] 

I think C.S. Lewis actually describes this person in his radio talk, I think he says something like this. If I can remember correctly, this is the self-talk of a person like this:

   "Well of course one feels like that when one    is young, but by the time you get to my age    you've given up chasing the rainbow's end."

And Lewis says, "So this kind of person settles down, learns not to expect much out of life & represses the part of himself that used to as he would say, [29:14]

   'cry for the moon.'" 

Now on the one hand, a person like that become very condescending. On the other hand, a person like that becomes very hard. [29:23] 

You see, if you decide: "Look I wanted so much out of life, but I was crying for the moon, I'm wiser now, I'm more sophisticated now.

You know:

   •  Romance never gives you much.    •  Money never gives you much.    •  Everybody is on the take.

You know nothing really satisfies!"

So you harden yourself, and you become cynical & you become sophisticated. [29:44] 

And to a degree it works, but there are two things that are really really bad about that:

[1] You become a remarkable snob, you are so self-       righteous at anybody who still thinks life has       meaning. You look down your nose at them.

      You become a stuck up prig. [30:03] 

[2] But here's the other thing, which is even worse,       you're hardening a part of your heart that makes       you human: To long for love, to long for meaning       to long for satisfaction & fulfillment--is part of       what makes you human! [30:20] 

And by repressing that part, by rolling your eyes at everybody whose idealistic--you have actually hurt yourself pretty badly. [30:32] 

You've actually destroyed the part of you that makes you a human being & not an animal. [30:36] 

   •  Animals just operate on instinct.    •  Human being have aspirations.

Hope Beyond Walls of the World | Timothy J. Keller P1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9 | Q1,2,3,4,5,6,7

[angeltannis]

The way Frey and Auden are “opposites” yet both are basically just taking two different paths to destroying themselves in the same way….Frey’s “I’ll never lose anyone if I push everyone away first” vs. Auden’s “I’ll never lose anyone if I never disappoint a single person and I help everyone all the time at my own expense”…..hrnghh

[hell-drabbles]

Lucifer 2

Summary: At first you though Lucifer somehow got water on his shirt. But then you noticed that the stains were only on his nipples.

(Meant to write this sooner but I was on stand-by mode waiting for my dentist appointment. More embittered companion!)

Lately, Lucifer’s button-up shirts haven’t been fitting him right. Not that he ever bothers to wear them right. That devil can make any formal looking clothing seem like pajamas. Anyway, point being, his usual loose fitting clothing was… well he was spilling out of them practically.

“You gaining more weight?” You walked up from behind him, clapping your hands on his shoulders just to grab his attention. Lucifer jumped and the topmost button flew right off. “Ah, sorry.”

Lucifer hissed but it was so half-assed that you didn’t bother backing off. You just slumped forward and let your weight rest on his head, avoiding his oddly placed horn of course. Lucifer sighed, huffed, and relaxed once more, too sleepy to let out any of his thoughts.

“Huh, yeah you did get something,” his shirt isn’t fitting right anymore, “shouldn’t you get some new clothes? Wouldn’t kill you to at least be comfy.”

You know a couple people that wouldn’t mind tight clothing to sleep in, but Lucifer wasn’t one of those people. While he isn’t part of the baggy party, he’s definitely the kind that has his clothes at least one size too big. So for a button to pop with just a flinch is very weird.

It is a nice day after all. The greenhouse wasn’t too moist or hot, the air smelled great with morning dew and the sunlight oh so delicate. You actually came here just to grab a seat and have a nap somewhere, just let some of the hours go by since it’s so rare for anything to be quiet in Hell.

“Mm.” Lucifer flinched when your arms rested against his chest.

“Oh crap, did I hurt you?” You stood up, then blinked when you saw a wet residue on both your arms. ��Did you spill water on yourself?”

It dried off quickly, but what was left was plain sticky.

“It’s not…” Lucifer started but trailed off, breathing just a little heavily.

You look back over his shoulder and looked down. Two stains right where his nipples are, dribbling through and down his shirt until his stomach was soaked. With every breath, Lucifer’s grown breasts heaved, veins visible right under his pale skin. You pressed a finger on the exposed skin, just a light press, and milk practically streamed out from his left tit.

“It’s not water.” Lucifer managed to finish, looking up at you as he dug his nails into the plush cushion of his chair. “…I woke up like this. I’ll have it go away tomorrow if you don’t like it.”

…so that’s what this was about.

“So our late night talks weren’t just late night talks, huh. You were fishing for something to give me.” You honestly thought that Lucifer was just one of those people that ask weird questions at the dead of night. You didn’t mind entertaining them, because it’s funnier to keep him going. Eventually he started to go into fetish territory and you, of course, told him, as you would any friend.

“You like being entertained, right?” Lucifer settled deeper into his chair then unbuttoned his shirt. From their tight confines, Lucifer’s breasts were freed and flopped down with their weight, lines of milk tracing down his tits and over his ribs. “You can grab as much as you want.”

“You really do try your best to make me happy, huh?” You couldn’t ask for a better friend.