#enough so that we still kinda call him memphis

[south-sea]

when your parody turns into a completely unironic character of their own

[mhdiaries]

Wave 3 Operetta Diary

July the Twenty-fifth

Hey Fynn! I’m going to keep a diary. I’ll send it to you when school starts and you can read about my adventures...if I have any. I sure wish you’d join the modern monster world and get yourself a computer or at least an iCoffin so we could exchange email or texts. Having to send everything by ghost post seems like it takes forever, not that we don’t have it, but you get my drift. Anyway, the morning after the going away party y’all threw for us - which was clean outta fright - we caught a scream boat and headed up river to the “home of the boos”. I talked daddy and mama into lettin’ me go see the ghost of “you know who”. Daddy kinda rolled his eyes and said okay - betcha if it was a bunch of them old opera harpies all wearing helmets with horns sticking out he’d a jumped up and clicked his heels. At least he didn’t say no and I could smell the fried peanut butter and banana sandwiches before I got there. Turns out there was a jam session and I hadn’t seen that many singers and players gathered in one spot since the day the music died. They even let me sit in with them on a set. I had to promise not to sing though. Must’ve heard what happened down in Terrorbone Parish I reckon. During the jam I used that new lick you taught me and even that big ol’ werewolf guitar player you like so much howled and said, “Oh Red, I’m gonna be singing the blues if you don’t teach me that.” I told him I could show him but I couldn’t teach him. For that he needed to come find you. I was sad to leave but daddy wanted to head east so he could go check out some old opera house that was supposed to be grand. Turns out I enjoyed it more that he did since they weren’t exactly performing the kind of music he expected :)

July the Twenty-seventh

How did we get to the new opera house? Well there’s this underground train that somehow connects to the catacombs below Monster High. That’s where the opera house is, not in Monster High but under it. I actually met a group of ghouls from Monster High at one of the stations while we were waiting to change trains. They were all on the MH Fear Squad and were headed to some kind of competition or training or something. I didn’t really understand it all but they all seemed very nice although the captain of the team was a bit high and mighty for my taste. Got to go now, sorry so short. 

August the First

We have mostly settled in although we still got some unpacking left to do. My guitars all made the trip just fine too. I was worried but I guess I shouldn’t have been. Those cases you gave me protected everything just like you said they would. The opera house is in pretty ghoul shape although there hasn’t been a production done here in many years. I reckon that’s why we’re here, well at least why daddy and mama are here. It’s a whole bunch different from the riverboat opera house though. This one has a big ole pipe organ that sounds like a whole fleet of riverboats coming down the “big muddy”. Of course the first thing daddy did was hop on that thing and play Toccata and Fugue in D minor...who didn’t see that coming? Later on I lugged my amp out to the middle of stage, plugged her in and played a little riff that lasted long enough for daddy to come running in and tell me to stop polluting his opera house with “that noise”. Whatever. I didn’t feel like arguing although I did finally quote that thing you quoted to me - “There’s only two kinds of music. Good music and the other kind.” To which daddy said, “Yes and I would have you play the other kind somewhere else.” Reckon I should have seen that coming too. I’m sure in no time though daddy will have this place snoring with “good music”. ;p

August the Seventh  

I explored the catacombs a little more today. A ghoul could seriously get lost down there if she wasn’t paying attention. It’s like there’s a passages that go every which a way. Some just dead end and others seem like they go on forever. Some of the things I discovered are:

- An underground lake with a big island in the middle that has an old castle on it

- A passage that leads from the zombie side of town straight up to Monster High

- Lots of rooms and halls blocked by doors that you need some kind of key to get past.

I also found, or I guess I should say Memphis found, my new practice room/recording studio! I would have totally missed it because it just looked like a crack in the wall to me but Memphis must have sensed something though ‘cause he shimmied through that crack quick as a gnat’s sneeze. Before I knew it, a section of what had just looked like part of the catacombs wall swung open like a door and there was Memphis hanging upside down by a thread with a big fly-eatin’ grin on his face. The walls inside were covered by some kind of moss, not like the stuff that hangs off the cypress trees back home, but more like a soft carpet and it lights up! How creepy sweet is that? I have no idea what the room was originally used for but there are power outlets on one wall and a big table in the middle. Memphis and me brought all our equipment down here, cranked everything up and just went to town! You want to know what the best part is? When the door is shut you can be standing with you ear pressed right up against it and still not hear what’s going on inside. I don’t think I’ve ever had a place where I could play and sing without worrying about who might be listening. Maybe moving here won’t be so bad after all.

August the Eighteenth

Yes I have gotten out of the catacombs and my new recording studio to check out the town although I probably wouldn’t have left if I hadn’t needed to get some new strings. I ended up at the Maul - they’ve got a pretty good music store and some shops where I might actually find some clothes I like but you know me - I spent most of my time in the music store. They have a scary slick selection of guitars - nothin’ like you’ve made for me of course but I played a few anyway cause they just looked so sad hanging up there on the wall all by their lonesome. I was just kinda picking a little bit when I got the feeling some monster was watching me. I turned around and sure enough there was this little frizzy haired werewolf staring at me. Now you’d be proud of me cause you know normally I don’t like being interrupted when I’m playing but there was just somethin’ about her that made me call her over. I asked, “Ain’t you never seen a monster play guitar before?”

“Not like you,” she said. 

“Good answer ghoul friend.” Her name was Howleen and after I played some more she asked if I would teach her. I put the guitar back on its stand and looked at her for a minute. “Why do you want to learn to play guitar?” She sorta shrugged a little and said, “I guess because no other monster I know plays guitar.” I shook my head and told her that from the time I was a little ghoul all I’ve ever wanted to do was play and sing. “If I’m not actually playing or practicing I’m thinking about playing or practicing and if you took lessons from me I’d expect you to be the same way.” I knew she wasn’t ready for that. I did show her a few chords though and she actually caught on scary quick. She’s got long fingers and good ears. I told her that she ought to sign up for lessons with one of the music store’s guitar creatures and when she had learned everything they had to teach her to come and see me. She screamed all right with that and the music store even threw me in a set of free strings for getting Howleen to sign up with one of their instructors. Who knows, maybe she’ll end up loving to play as much as I do...hey...I said maybe didn’t I?

August the Twenty-fifth

Monster High ain’t like our one room ghoul house back on the delta. I got a chance to really check it out today after Headless Headmistress Bloodgood sent daddy and mama a note asking if they would send me up to see her. So I made my way up from the opera house to her office and introduced myself. She seemed very prim and proper and I was wondering how long it’d be before I’d have a special seat with my name on it outside her office. She told me shad had just been going through my records from the school back home and that she was pleased to have me as a student at Monster High. She also said, “I will expect excellence from you and neither shoddy work nor laziness will be tolerated or rewarded.” I said I reckon I expected the same from myself as long as she didn’t expect me to be the same kind of formal phantoms as my daddy and mama or to back down every time some monster said “boo” to me cause that ain’t who I am! I sat back and crossed my arms cause I expected she was going to give me a lecture on rules and manners and obligations to our monter legacy but instead she just kinda leaned forward a little, put her head in her hands and said, “I understand your father’s performances have been known to bring down the house, but I’ll expect you to blow the roof off this sucker.” Right then and there you could have knocked me over with skeeter’s wing. Monster High may turn out to be a place where every monster has to play off the same sheet music.

August the Thirty-first

Hey Fynn! There was a dandy meteor shower last night. I took that cypress body acoustic you made for me and went down to the beach. I pretended that they sky was a sheet of music and each shooting star that fell was a single note. I played until my fingers gave out and then I just sat back and enjoyed the show. I’m not sure how much time I’ll have to keep up with my diary once school starts but I want you to know that even if I’m not glad all over I think I’m going to like it here just fine. 

[goingsllightlymad]

Baby It’s You - Part 4.

Pairing: Roger Taylor x reader, Brian May x reader

Summary: The year is 1981 and Roger Taylor is pretty sure he has made it. With the Game Tour stretching out before him and the band more successful than ever, he doesn’t think that anything can mess up the perfect picture that is his life. That is, until he receives a letter from an astrophysics PhD student studying abroad, and finds himself sucked into her world of secrets and mistaken identities. Roger Taylor is about to find out that his life is a lot more complicated than he ever thought.

Wordcount: 2920. 

Warnings: It’s basically just a filler chapter because NEXT CHAPTER things really start Going On. Yeah, this one’s just me trying to stay on track of writing when I can, but we kinda need this weird-time-skip-explanatory-bullshit to fill in the blanks. Hope you understand, sue me if you don’t. See what happens. 

________________________________________________________________

And so the hurricane began.

If anyone had asked you what had been going through your head when the second letter returned the next day, you could not have said at all. All the world was going through your head in a single moment, and all that you could catch and hold was the thought that the address on the front was different now. Vancouver, a little motel with a funny little name that could almost have been a pun except that you did not get the joke.

And then the letter, and he asked you about your day, the way he would every day forever if only you knew that then. Told you you wouldn't like him if you knew who he was, and you whispered into the evening light that you would, you always would. There was nothing about him that could push you away now, from this most mysterious of boys and the stories that he told.

Day after day after day, and every other day his letters came. Regular as clockwork, like the banks of the Thames you missed so much, and soon you would be there in time. The addresses on the letters changing time after time as every night you dreamed of where he might be now. If he was thinking about you, ever. Seattle, then Memphis, then Dallas, Houston, Atlanta. Indianapolis, so close you thought that you could feel him as you read him back again and again, sitting on your windowsill as the world fell away behind you.

He was loud, he was annoying, he was the one that people noticed - after they had noticed everybody else. He was the one that they forgot the morning after, he was the lonely one. You didn't think that you had ever met anyone quite so lonely in your life. With every letter you thought this time you knew him, and with the next you knew that you had never known him at all. He was an enigma, and his answer would change the world.

An enigma who wrote to you everyday, the way your boyfriend never did.

Sure, you had called Ben. One morning when it had rained overnight, and you had sat in the hallway for over an hour, waiting for the phone line to be free. Waiting for the girl with the phone to stop telling her boyfriend that he was the best thing in the world to her. Wondering why you had never said those things to Ben. Knowing that the best thing in the world to you was some boy you had never met before, and the words he wrote like starlight. Like the magic that he wrote into the work you had never loved so much in all your life before. The universe you knew, the universe you loved again and again in every letter he wrote, for suddenly he was close enough to touch.

When the girl had left the phone behind at last, the only thing that you could tell your Ben was that you loved him, and even that was never true.

Summer passed you, every minute, and before you knew it summer was over, and the park was golden with the leaves that fell around your ankles when you knelt by the river to write your letters every day. Writing, writing more and more every day like you were drunk on the ecstasy of the love you could pretend was his. Like you were his with every breath you took. And with every day it was getting more difficult to pretend that you were not.

________________________________________________________________________________

Roger had never been very good at keeping secrets. Not when he had kissed the teacher's daughter when they were twelve, and he had run home to tell his mum. Nor when he was fifteen, and had failed one of his GCSE's and tried to keep it from his parents for fear of being kicked out. He wasn't kicked out, as fate would have it, but perhaps that would have been kinder than the row he came home to that afternoon. Nor even when he had kissed the girl that Tim had liked, aged nineteen and rich off the fame of a world that knew his name, even when it didn't really. That had been the worst of it, the fight that might have torn apart Smile if Brian hadn't been there to break it up. Brian, who was never part of any drama. Only the peace-maker in every fight that Roger had to start. He didn't know entirely why he got into fights so much. Perhaps it was that people never liked him very much.

Even now he wasn't stupid enough to think that he was the favourite member of Queen by any means, nor the prettiest, nor the most intelligent. He was just... Roger. He slept with people more than the others did. Was that really all that came to mind? He used to think that made him the closest to them all, all those people who came to their shows to watch Freddie, or Brian, or sometimes even John, but now he knew it more than ever: that he was the furthest from them of them all. He was floating around in his little universe, and he was a million miles from home.

Only you to find him now, and you had never let him down. His little yellow lifeboat, his spaceman. Spacewoman? His confidant, and sometimes he wondered how you knew him better than any of these boys that he had known all his life. You were just a little special that way.

But Roger had never been very good at keeping secrets, and you were just that. The little secrets that the others could not know. Of course they knew - how could they not. They had known since the first day, they had known since the letter had gone and John had apprehended him at the doorway to his hotel room. Who were you, who were you to him. Of course he could not answer. It was not long before the whole band knew, until Roger was running off the bus to get to his hotel room, paper and pen in his hand, until Roger was waiting by the hotel letter-boxes every morning for the morning post, until Roger was writing every day, twice a day, whenever he thought of you, sitting at the back of the bus or on the floor or leaning against the walls of the dingy pubs and service stations when they stopped. Roger Taylor was bad at being in love, but he was very good at you.

And suddenly touring wasn't about the music. Suddenly the music was not about the muses. Suddenly everything was all about you. Every note and every night, the venues with their backrooms where he could hide away from all the people asking about him when he could not care less. The bedrooms and bathrooms and dining-rooms and ballrooms where he could have had the girls and boys from the parties, the groupies from the shows, and all he had were the letters in his pockets and the thought of you as he locked the door and stood by the windows, trying to pick out the shape of you in all the darkness he could see outside. Suddenly everything was about trying to make you his.

But you didn't even know who he was yet.

There was a moment in Indianapolis where he was so close to telling you. Sending you a ticket. Begging you to see him again where he didn't have to hide. And he was sitting at the back of the bus, where the bodies were sprawled, sleeping, on the sofas like the ghosts of the evening left behind, and he had had the pencil in his hands and the words inside his head. He knew what to say, and for a moment he might have said it. But then Brian had woken, stirred in the darkness as he lay against Roger's legs and muttered something about the show. Fallen back asleep again as Roger shushed him softly, but by then the moment had passed. Roger would not tell you now - he thought he never would. He loved you, and in all his wildest daydreams while he was on the stage, half-drunk and reeling from the music and the eternal thought of you, he almost could pretend to himself that you could love him to.

And how could you love the drummer boy who never slept alone. You had had a thing for drummers. Not a thing for prostitutes, men with loose morals and open arms. The loud ones and the lonely ones. You had a thing for Roger Taylor Of Queen. But no one had a thing for Just Roger.

________________________________________________________________________________

It was only in November that you called Ben again. A cold morning, and the sun was just now rising over the city that loomed around you, the graveyard of a world you would soon leave behind. Not that you would miss it here, still there was something about it all, the park around the corner where you still loved to write, the apartment where each Friday night the parties raged, that made you think that somewhere since now and then, since you had arrived here a year ago, life had found a way to creep in and fill the gaps your love had left behind.

You didn't blame Ben for not being here. You did not blame him for not calling. He had that way of pulling you in, a million miles away and through the phone for seconds at a time, that had you knowing you could not blame him for a thing.

You dialed the phone and waited, standing in the hallway where the cold and light were flooding in, through the windows from the street. Waited for him to pick up. And nothing came. You called again, your fingers shaking as you messed up his number once, twice, only half from the cold that was biting at your skin. All of a sudden you were wishing you had stayed in bed.

But then the line was crackling, and on the other end the phone was picked up from the hook you could see in your mind. The phone hook in his kitchen, next to the fridge and next to the countertop. That tiny little apartment. You could still be there, if you closed your eyes. And so you did.

And on the other end of the line there came a voice from far away, the calling of a name you could not quite make out. His laugh, soft and distorted from the distance. And then, clear as day and more dreadful than all these icy winter mornings as one by one they froze your heart to bleak, grey stone, the sound of her laughter. A woman's laughter, ringing down the line like venom slipping through your blood. In that moment you were not sure that the latter would not hurt you less, for there were no words in you left to say. All the words had dried up on your tongue - in your throat there was a lump that choked you, kept you from breathing at all.

"Baby, someone's here?" her voice was smooth and soft and pretty, and you hated it. You had never hated anyone more in your laugh. "Benny?"

You heard him walking, down the hall where you wondered if your pictures still hung. You wondered if he had taken down every photo of you the minute you went away. You wondered if he had waited a day before he brought her in to him, to the life that was never yours to have and to lose. And then, crueller still, you wondered if he had ever really loved you at all. And in that moment you really could not say.

It was only when you heard him kiss her, the sound of his lips against her skin as she hummed against him, that the phone slipped from your hands. Fell, jerked harshly up as the cord snapped back into place. With shaking hands that moved without you noticing, you hung up.

________________________________________________________________________________

Your heart had broken before. Your heart had been broken many times, by the boy who had asked you out as a joke, the boys who had been bored of you, the boys who had been cruel to you. But never by a boy who had not loved you even enough to tell you that he loved another more. Never by the boy who had promised you the world and never told you that he had given it a thousand times before, to girls who were not you. Your heart had broken before, but never like this. Never as agonisingly slow as you know this would be.

You made a cup of tea. Sitting by the window in the pyjamas that reminded you of that last Christmas and the way he used to sleep when he was by your side, you sat on the windowsill. Stood and changed, into the jumper he had never seen on you. New, one he did not know you owned yet. There was so much he had yet to know about you. There was a second of excitement, where you forgot that now he never would. Would he even want to know you at all? Had he ever?

Bunching up your hands in the thick grey cotton, tugging it up to your eyes as you pushed away the tears that were spilling out around your eyes, a folded piece of paper fell out, fluttered down to the floor. You reached out for it, pulling it open and reading through. Another letter, the one you had read a thousand times and learned all but by heart, for you had learned every word he wrote. You had his soul committed to memory, his poetry written on your heart. Him. That boy that you had loved so well when you had not loved enough this boy who was your boyfriend. Perhaps it was all your fault after all. Or perhaps it was not. Perhaps you owed your secret lover a secret explanation. That the boy between you was not a boy anymore. Now he was nothing at all. There was only you and him, your unknown confidant, your mystery boy. Couldn't you know who he was now?

You took up the paper you now kept by your bed. Early morning; maybe you could still catch the morning post. With a deep and shaky breath, you began the day again.

Dear Anon.,

I fear I finally have some news that you might like to know. That is, I believe I must be returning home, and sooner rather than later. You see, the worst has really come to the worst for me, and this may really be the only thing I can do. Come home and figure it out from there.

I am sure you must be desperate for an explanation, so I shall give you one. My dear beloved Ben has now resigned himself from my life entirely, in the worst way possible. Although I am sure the same is not thought by the pretty girl who picked up the phone instead of him. Don't ask me how I know she's pretty - she must be, for she has stolen his heart. And he has broken mine.

I hope you do not pity me, because quite honestly that would not be of any help to me at all. No, don't pity me but listen to me and learn from what an utter idiot I have been. I really think I might have, should have, seen this coming. But the unfortunate truth is that I did not, and now I have been made the fool. There is nothing but deception and pain in New York now for me.

I shall resume my course in Cambridge promptly, and carry on like I am meant to do. It is no use letting this man stand in the way of my career, though every word I read makes me sick to my stomach because the awful truth is that once he was my universe, and every galaxy and moon and star therein, and I fear somehow he always will be. I have not loved him like I should, perhaps, but I will love him forever.

I want to write to you, and I will write to you always and forever 'as you wish',

your (Y/N) x.

On the front you wrote the new addresses, his in Surrey like it had been for some months now. And underneath it yours, the street and house and postcode of the little apartment you had left behind. The world you would return to soon, when all of this madness had run its course and the world had turned again. Outside the building the day was dawning, and the light was cold and peachy-pink, the day beginning as you relearned how to breath. The postman was not due for quite some time, and so with legs that barely held you up you stumbled down the flights and flights of stairs that led to nowhere, down to the letterboxes outside the building. Sitting on the top step, waiting for the day to come creeping in like all those thoughts you were trying to leave behind, you were already thinking of the plane that would take you away.

Taglist: 

@rogertaylorsfalsettogivesmehives

[laylabahiti]

HSHQTASK005: A REFLECTION 

i originally posted this task in march 2017, so almost 3 years ago (wow). i already regret looking at this old one lmao

001. name / age / pronouns

2017: xee / twenty / she, her 2020: xee / twenty-three / she, her — fun fact, mine and evy’s bdays are 2 days apart #taurussquad

002. which character(s) do you play?

2017: my complicated af beaN layla. idek what’s going on with her at this point. 2020: i’m screaming i can’t believe i thought 2017 layla was complicated. i had no idea what was to come. i picked up biel not long after that. also had katalina aka brucey’s wifey n i miss her. juliana is a fairly recent addition and, i’m about to spill the beans, a glücksburg is coming.

003. nationality / ethnicity / timezone

2017: american / lots of white european and the other half o’ me is ashkenazi jewish / right now i’m back and forth between pst and mst. homeland is mst though. 2020: obvs nothing has changed except no more back and forth with timezones. strictly mst now.

004. tell us a bit about your  home state.

2017: it’s the first day of spring and we almost reached 100 degrees F :’) we don’t really have autumn or spring here tho. it’s either hot as balls summer or frozen. no in between. like, as soon as temps get below 70 F people break out their jackets. 2020: welcome to the desert, “it’s a dry heat”

005.  favourite color / fruit / season

2017: green / honeydew melon / spring 2020: still green and all its shades / tbh idk how i chose a fave fruit bc i raaarely eat it but bananas and watermelon too / “spring”

006. favourite books + writer whose writing style you admire the most

2017: this isn’t a fair question smh. i have too many titles and names going through my head at once to answer this. 2020: still no fave so i’m just gonna answer this with what i’m currently reading. it’s called suffer strong and it popped up on my insta feed last week (big brother is listening and they know i’m a stressed mf) cheese moment: i admire all ur writing styles :~)

007. what kinda music do you listen to + any fave bands / musicians

2017: listen to a lil bit of everything. these ‘favorite’ questions are difficult for me to answer 2020: same answer tho i grew up listening to the eagles so they hold a special place in my heart n soul. i get to go see them in a couple months (hopefully w my dad) and i’m v excited

008. what are you doing for a living / what are you studying?

2017: lmAO well rn i work in the kitchen of a gas station (sah classy). 2020: went from working in the store to working in corporate *finger guns* apparently i never said what i was studying but i was still in school then. justice studies with a minor in military leadership and certifications in human rights and socio-legal studies. then i studied astrophysics with minors in cyber intel + security and math for a semester, but i didn’t want any more debt ajskdf

009. what’s your dream occupation?

2017: IDK but it has to involve happiness and a nice salary. i have to feed my zoo somehow. 2020: what r dreams lmao

010. relationship status

2017: single then. single now. single forever. 2020: every time i think about putting myself out there, something happens. i don’t have time to date atm

011. coffee, tea or hot chocolate?

2017: it depends on the weather. if it’s cold i’ll have hot chocolate. i usually drink tea at meals whenever though. 2020: i blame my work for all the coffee i drink now, but still all of the above. 

012. dream holiday destination?

2017: santorini 2020: honestmeme....where the hell did i pull santorini from. idk i was supposed to go to iceland for study abroad last year but yknow i withdrew from the university. i still wanna go tho

013. the thing you’re most proud about yourself

2017: not afraid to stand up for myself + others 2020: young me made it sound noble but honestly i’ll put ppl in their place, i don’t have patience anymore jakdas. but tbh right now i guess it’s my perseverance? life has been shitty for a few months but u gotta keep on truckin’

014. tell us a bit about your family!

2017: goD they’re nuts. i’m the middle child out of all my siblings but the youngest on my dad’s side. large age gaps are common, like half my sisters are old enough to be my mom. lots of grand babies and great grand babies. when we’re all together (like this past weekend) it’s ….wild. communication is v poor too. i only have one brother out of my eight siblings, and all those siblings are only half-related to me. at 5′5 i’m one of the tallest in the fam which says a lot. 2020: they’re still nuts n i don’t speak to my mother anymore. i should probs add that my parents have been divorced since i was a few months old so she hasn’t been in the pic for a while. even when she had custody of me jaksldf find me ron howard i’ll give him the rights to my life story

015. how long have you known your closest friend?

2017: three years. 2020: we’re going on 6 years jaksdf i’ll be maid of honor in her wedding this year. i also have another friend that i failed to mention last time but we’ve been close for 9 years (jfc)

016. superpower you’d like to have?

2017: invisibility 2020: mind reading so i know who’s Fake jaklsdjf

017. celebrity you’d like to meet?

2017: john stamos ?? idk i never really thought about it. i’ve met michael phelps though!! 2020: ig i’ll stick with stamos?? ooh or steve carrell or jennifer aniston. 

018. guilty pleasures

2017: chocolate and french fries. i love love love french fries. 2020: now my guilty pleasure is dr. pepper bc i cut it out of my diet.

019. pet peeves

2017: mouth noises (misophonia). people talking over each other and not listeninG. lowkey people leaving the toilet seat up or leaving toilet paper in the toilet like…just flush again. 2020: i really went off on tp huh?? another pet peeve is people committing to something then backing out/flaking without a heads up

020. do you have any hobbies?

2017: sports !!! i’m a grade a heaux for sports. tennis, archery, golf. anything that doesn’t require lots of muscle ya feel. one of my ~hobbies~ i guess is organizing things. i have multiple planners and use them all daily. 2020: i miss how sporty n active i was jkasdf this is my hobby.

021. where would you like to live in the future?

2017: i would looooooove to live in san diego but i’ll probs be stuck in the desert drylands. 2020: tbh i was looking into memphis homes bc it’s cheap compared to here but i don’t really care where i end up. just want a place of my own yknow

022. tell us a story about a thing that recently happened to you! it can be a funny, scary, sad story, your pick!

2017: redacted bc it was college angst lmao and not pretty 2020: i found out this morning that my cell phone # is somehow linked to some random guy a few miles away and idk how to fix it online. got some texts today and yesterday this one guy called me 6 times back to back while i was on the phone with someone else. i guess that’s another pet peeve of mine, pls leave a message if it’s important jaklsdf

[monkeystrokes8]

FIRST SET.

Bill spotted Charlene coming into the bar as the drummer-of-the-week put a shimmer on the high-hat for an overdramatic finish to “I Still Miss Someone,” meant to tug heartstrings but making Bill laugh. Probably because they were only five songs into the set and he’d already downed half an Old Style and three fingers of tequila and Charlene was especially dolled up in a velvet-curtain red jumpsuit, white fringe spilling off her shoulders like carwash drying strips.

It was a worrisome moment too. Like the song said, there was a real good chance he’d "never get over those blue eyes."

The crawl of circling dancers quickened as Del hit the opening notes of “Fox on the Run.” Coca-cola cowboys in white straw Stetsons two-stepping with Mary Kay consultants flirting with hippie college kids shuffling around with unstoppable geriatrics. The Broken Axle was the most confounding joint Bill ever played, a broke-down country-western roadhouse smack dab in the middle of an R&B mecca. The Sunday afternoon gig was a three-hour affair, a last hurrah before the tragedy of Monday morning, with time to sleep most it off.  

Charlene blew Del a kiss and settled into her regular booth with the books. From the angle of his piano bench, Bill could steal as many looks her way as he could handle. A blessing and a curse.

Bill never intended to fall for the May pinup girl recently hitched to December’s falling Nashville star taking one final bow as proprietor and house-band leader of a honky-tonk Memphis bar. But after just a few weeks playing this gig, Charlene was in Bill's head but good. Anyway,it wasn’t all his fault. She kinda started it.

In about an hour, Del would call his young wife to the stage for a George-Tammy or Porter-Dolly or Conway-Loretta number to end the second set. As mismatched as their ages, they made a classic country duo, and true to stereotype of young women knocking boots with yesterday’s headliners, Charlene’s eye seemed to wander. Last week, leaning into the mic for harmony on "Golden Rings” she glanced past her husband’s neck to give the new kid on keys a salacious wink that would make Tanya Tucker blush.

Del Hopkins and the Railroad Spikes was once the hot ticket; Saturday nights at the Ryman, flame-job customized tour bus, 8x10 taped to the front window at Ernie’s Record Shop. The reason Bill took this gig. A resume including a stintwith the man who co-wrote “Double Eagles on a Single Bed” opened doors.

He was just setting out. He'd heard the horror stories coming out of Nashville. The Broken Axle on Sunday afternoon was the place for an ivory-tickler with a quarter in his pocket and a shirt on his back. Riding a legend’s coattails in a town where he could afford rent.

At the casual audition, after running through Del’s mandatories (Ray Price, Charlie Rich and other piano-centric standards) on the bar’s banged-up but surprisingly bright tack piano, Del offered him a trial run that Sunday, “That is, if you think you can keep up.”

Del wasn’t talking about music. “Sunday's a party here,” he said. “We play it loose, have a big time, and the crowd follows suit. A day of hoots, hollers, longnecks and picklebacks. And I expect the band to lead the charge."

That was the deal. You had to drink like a steam locomotive and still stay in key. According to Del, it didn’t get tricky until halfway through the second set, when the boozin’ picked up speed like the Orange Blossom Special.

“Only trouble we ever had was a drummer who went squirrely and turned into Neil Peart after a couple shots. But our last piano player handled it fine. May he rest in peace.” Del raised his bottle.  

It was a smart business model. Del would mumble something into the mic about being thirsty, or hair of the dog. Fans jumped to buy the band shots. Del would lift his glass. “Bless your hearts, you sweet things,” “Thankee kindly to the good folks at Table 5”, etcetera, then roar the Hee Haw catchphrase, “Sa-lute!” The crowd would howl like a pack of hounds picking up a scent and head to the bar for shots of their own. Then Del would do the Ole Possum hiccup and cheek-pop from "White Lightnin’." The crowd drank it up.  

And therein lay the rub. Bill didn’t drink hard liquor. Gave him the spins. A couple beers, fine, but liquor was not his friend. Never had been.

The first time the pigtailed barmaid showed up with a trayful, Bill tried to slyly dump his shot into the cuff of his Wranglers. The crowd bellowed and Del cracked wise about how he thought Carolina hillbillies were wet-nursed from a still.

From then on, Bill did his best. The band was harmless enough: a doughy family man with a penchant for thrift-store ties on stand-up; wispy-haired guy with a scrunched-up face on fiddle; and drummer-of-the-week, so far a runaway teenager, a poker-faced Lurch and a grizzled hipster looking like he just woke up. Whoever felt like sitting in. Del handled vocals and guitar, white pompadour piled ridiculously high, Sun Session tee with rolled-up sleeves, silver-dollar-studded Telecaster on his knee.

The problem was Charlene. When Cupid runs out of arrows, he calls his pal, Inebriation, the cherub with the cocktail shaker of Love Potion #9. Bill pried his eyes from the curvaceous cowgirl, pushed the soft crush of velvet out of his head, and concentrated on the 88s.

Del hit the closing licks of “Mama Tried” and the band broke for smokes and leaks.

Charlene was waiting at the edge of the stage with a chopped-pork sandwich on a paper plate. “You hungry, sugar?”

Bill hesitated. Was it proper to accept a BBQ sandwich from another man's wife you’ve pictured wearing nothing but a smile?

“Oh. Hey. Thanks.”

Before he could take the plate, Charlene walked it to her booth. “C’mon over here, baby. Let's get to know each other a little.”  

She slid into the banquette. Red velvet on red vinyl, a devil's playground. Bill took a nervous glance around, then looked at the sandwich, determined not to make eye contact.  

He’d seen sandwiches coming out of the closet-sized kitchen slopped together by the cook who also maintained the ancient building's plumbing and electric. This one was made with TLC, the perfect balance of sauce and slaw, hickory-smoked hunks tucked neatly in a warm bun. Had she made it herself?

“So you just moved from Carolina, huh? All by your lonesome?”

The word “lonesome” struck a chord. A sour one.

He was alone in a small apartment in a greasy-grit-gravy town. It wasn’t just sex he was missing. He was looking for a friend, too.

Bill squirmed. Del was nowhere in sight, but with the whole bar stealing looks in their direction, he felt more on stage than when on stage. He nodded yes and took a bite.

And then, goddammit, he looked in her eyes. A pale-blue invitation to go skinny-dipping.

The eyes on the back of Carly Simon’s first album. Eyes he’d been in love with since rummaging his father’s record collection at age six.

And Carly’s lips. Charlene had those, too.

Bill didn’t put all his love marbles on looks, but he believed in physiognomy. Granddaddy was the spitting image Jimmy Stewart, and by god, they were the same stand-up guy,cracking knuckles and folksy truths.

And here, glowing like a heat lamp over a BBQ sandwich, was the face of his dream girl. He couldn’t help but think--just like Carly sang it--loving her would be “the right thing to do.”

“Well you won’t be flying solo for long, I’m sure of that. Cutie pie like you is gonna get scooped up lickety-split in this town.

Bill was hoping his infatuation would cool. Now she was calling him “Cutie pie.” Worst of all, Del was a decent guy.

An impatient snare drum counted down. The band was back. Bill looked from the raised eyebrows of Del to Charlene to his half-eaten sandwich.  

Charlene gave his arm a pat. “I’ll wrap it for you.”

There was a shot waiting on the piano.

SECOND SET.

“You’re leaving us hanging, boy,” Del twanged. “Much obliged to the lovely fillies who drove all the way from Knoxville. Sa-lute!”

Tequila. Bill swallowed his gag reflex as the band kicked into “Only Daddy That’ll Walk the Line.”

The dance floor filled, promenade line colliding like state-fair bumper cars.Del took a request that Bill had to fake his way through. Thankfully, Charlene would be up soon with her usual song list.

Only she wouldn’t. The music stopped, and Del reached for the tallboy tucked into an overturned toilet plunger clamped to his mic stand. Charlene gave a playful finger snap and he dug out keys and jangled them,teasing her, then handed them over.  

“You know I love my wife,” Del told the crowd, “when I let her drive the Caddy.” Del drove a 1966 red convertible. “But we’ve got important people flying in from Nashville today, and they get the best. Y'all are just gonna have to put up with us ugly plugs until she gets back.” Charlene blew another kiss and waved goodbye to the bar. There was a chorus of comic disappointment, followed by opening licks of “Kiss an Angel Good Morning.”

Important people from Nashville. That explained Charlene’s get-up. Del had lots of old pals from his salad days in the biz. Bill fantasized some big-buckled scout discovering the fresh talent on keys. “Son, I'm gonna make you a star.”

The band was two verses into “Streets of Bakersfield" when a procession of rowdy bikers in cheap leather vests plowed though the front door. Sunday cruisers, bellying to the bar slapping clumsy high fives. By the sound of it, this wasn’t their first stop.

Del didn’t seem to notice.

Pigtails was back at the stage with another trayful. Bill suddenly didn’t feel so hot. Del raised a glass. “This one goes out to the cowpunchers at Table 8,  

           May you never lose a stirrup,            May you never waste a loop;            May your can stay full of syrup,            And your gizzard full of whoop!

           Sa-lute!

The fiddle player screeched into “Orange Blossom Special.”

Holy hell. Bill was smashed.

The bar roared with drunken thunder as the Special picked up speed, chug-a-chugging through the pass like a runaway train, pistons clanking, smoke belching, letting off steam, as the fiddler tried to saw his instrument in half. Woot woot!

Del was grinning wide, the bell of the antique register clanging away like the Old 97. As the train pulled mercifully into the station with a final scratch of the fiddle, Del made a slashing sign across his throat. Break time.

“Play some Johnny Paycheck!” One of the bikers.  

Del held up a palm. “The boys and I are getting pretty tuckered up here, gonna take a pause for the cause and be right back for the last set.”

The bikers weren’t having it. “Paycheck!”

Bill knew from experience. Always keep an eye on yahoos yelling "Paycheck!" These guys were assholes.

Del remained composed. “You fellas cool it. Don’t start no shit there won’t be no shit.” He took a swill of beer. “Back in ten. Play nice, everybody.”  

Bill stood up, his head spinning. He bolted out the fire exit for some fresh air. And possibly a place to puke.

Charlene was back, leaning against the Caddy, now wearing a denim jacket, daintily puffing a cigarette (she smokes?) talking to an older gent in a rumpled suit and woman in a flowered dress that reminded him of his mother. VIPs? Whoever they were, they’d seen flashier days. Nonetheless, Del seemed overjoyed to see them, bounding over with enthusiastic handshakes and kisses. “C’mon in, we’ve saved you the best table in the house!” Charlene waved them away, lingering to finish her smoke.

The bikers came ‘round the corner. Bill smelled reefer. "Hey-hey mama say the way you move, gonna make sweat gonna make you groove," one sang with hackle-raising lechery.

Within seconds, Charlene was surrounded by the saddlefat gang of wanna-be toughs, like a fat farm production of West Side Story.One darted forward as if to touch her ass, then pulled away, a show-off kid putting his hand over a fire.  

The tequila did the talking. “Piss off, dick lips,” Bill said.

Five heads twisted. “Excuse me, douchebag?" said a gray flattop.

“You heard me fuckface.” Bill balled a fist, then remembered the piano player’s credo. Protect the hands at all costs. He was praying for a crowbar to magically appear when a bald guy the size of a gas pump cold-cocked him in the nose. Lights out.

THIRD SET.

He woke surrounded by cases of beer and canned tomatoes. Charlene was dabbing his bleeding nose with a bar towel.

“There you are. Big man without a plan. How you feelin’, honey?”

Bill adjusted his makeshift pillow, a restaurant-sized pack of corn tortillas. “Okay, I guess. Stupid, but okay.”

“Ain’t nothing more heroic than a man who can’t fight jumping into one. Specially defending a damsel in distress.”

The glorious lips descended onto his, her face backlit by the storeroom fluorescents. Bill allowed himself two seconds of heaven, make that ten, okay screw it, a full stanza, before turning away.

He was about to sputter this ain’t right or some such nonsense when Charlene entered the storeroom. Bill blinked. He was either hallucinatory drunk or suffering one mighty concussion. Seeing double. Two Charlenes looked down at him.

“I see you two are getting along just like I thought you would.” Charlene looked at Charlene. “Give the guy a chance to wake up, Carla. Otherwise you’re taking advantage.”

“He’s as cute as you said, Charlene. Sweet, too. You know what I like alright.”

“Twins know.”  

“Indeed we do.” Carla stroked Bill’s hair, laying the damp towel on his forehead. “Everything good out there?”

“Fine and dandy. Del and a couple cowboys ran them a-holes off, they was scooting anyway thanks to Prince Valiant here. Worried about getting sued or whatever BarcaLounger bikers worry about."  

“Mom and Dad good?”

“Yep, already having a time. Dad’s eating peaches and peanut butter, and Mom just bought a round. She wants to know if you’re okay.” Charlene shifted her gaze to Bill. “Del says take the rest of the day off, and I’m gonna dedicate 'Fist City’ to you for sticking up for my Sis."

Charlene turned to leave, stopping at the switch by the door. “You two coming out, or should I turn the lights off?”

Bill grinned, still goofy. He play-slapped Carla on the thigh. “Go have a shot with your folks, I’ll be out in a few.”

“Baby, that’s the one thing that separates me from my sister,” Carla cooed. “I can’t drink worth a damn.”

[her-eyes-looked-so-sad]

Denver had a purpose (long post)

I was sitting there getting so much work done, agitated as hell but thinking smugly to myself about how here I am in Denver being productive™️ and doing stuff for my clients like ooooo all my shit is together therefore I can sweep my problem under the rug. Except I realized that no matter how much work I was doing, no matter how on top on my schedule and press releases and clients and pitches and research I was: none of it meant a damn thing.

That’s not to say that my work doesn’t matter. It’s just with the realization that a dying girl achieving her goals is pretty fucking meaningless if I’m dying. And with that, I closed my laptop and began walking the very well known path between the Lowry Starbucks and ERC. I was scared. I felt stupid. How crazy would I look? As I trudged closer, I sped up. Tears streaming down my face, my body literally pulling everything it could until it got right in front of the building. Am I really here? Am I really about to just fucking show up at ERC and ask to talk to someone? I guess so.

I went into the foyer area and started taking pictures to prove to myself later that this wasn’t some kind of fucking seroquel and vodka infused dream sequence. I said “My name’s Rachel Patterson, I’ve been here before, and I need to talk to someone please.”

I’m fucking crying, trying to not become hysterical. Front desk lady kindly says “Ok sweetie, are you admitting today?”

“No, I’m sorry I know this is random but I just want to talk to someone. Anyone, please.”

I try thinking of Dr McGuire’s name. “I know it, I know who she is. I remember, I promise...it’s her!”

Wouldn’t you know, Dr. McGuire herself comes out of those double doors. There was a fire drill so lots of staff swirling around. I hear Cindy’s voice. I miss Cindy so much.

“What’s going on?” She asks, kindly.

I explain that I’m here on a layover at the tail end of spring break. “I just needed to see someone here, anyone, and be able to look at them and say that I am completely miserable. Every single day, my eating disorder makes me completely miserable and I am so sorry.” Crying. So much crying. She honestly looks scared and quickly says that she’ll be back. I sit down in one of the chairs and Rendy walks by and opens the door. I’m too ashamed to speak up but out of the corner of my eye I see him basically stop in his tracks, turn around, and look at me. Half like “what the hell is Rachel doing here” and also “holy fuck Rachel is in a bad spot”

Dr. McGuire comes back out with Caitlyn the dietitian. I like Caitlyn but she’s a dietitian therefore not who I was expecting. Both of them look fucking scared. Oh no what if I freaked them out by having a complete mental breakdown in the foyer of their treatment center? Both of them hug me at this point. I’m completely at my wits end, crying because Im so desperate and laughing because I am so happy to finally see people from ERC. “Ohmygod Caitlyn I never did anything you told me and I am so sorry that I never listened!!!!” We all kinda laugh. I always fight with the dietitians, I never learn, and I always wind up crying my eyes out saying “I’ll listen this time I promise”.

It was a quick meeting, and I don’t remember everything exactly but they were saying that it sounded like I needed to be admitted and that they could get me a bed in a couple days if I chose to stay in Denver.

“Oh but I have school and internships and work and I can’t leave, I can’t abandon it” I cry.

“Rachel we are always here to help you and it sounds like you really need help and we’re worried. I don’t know exactly what’s going on with your labs or EKGs but it sounds like you need help now” (insert incoherent rambling about how I tricked the doctor and I hated lying and being urged to see a medical doctor soon)

“Rachel. We can help you now. We can admit you if you want.”

I broke down. It felt like everything in me was finally broken into a million pieces. All the acting like I’m fine or it’s no big deal or whatever was gone. I almost said yes. I wanted so badly to say yes. To call my Dad and everyone else and just fucking let that weight come off my shoulders. To say fuck Memphis and fuck my eating disorder. Oh but how I was torn. I couldn’t just quit my job. Quit my internships?! I didn’t even have all my clothes. I have to take my cat to the vet. I have all my shit in a dorm and owe the school money. I have a research project I have to give in my crisis class with my favorite professor/Dr J where I have to do above and beyond average to prove myself to my classmates and earn her respect as a future PR professional. What so everyone else shows up after spring break and I just suddenly disappear? Oh no, oh God no. What was I to do?

I told them I couldn’t make any rational decision, but maybe they could check my insurance benefits for the future. Maybe I could just try a few things at home and get through the next two months and come after the semesters over, I pleaded.

I told them about Dr J. “She’s not a therapist or anything but I really look up to her and she always asks how I’m doing and is trying to help me find resources in Memphis. She really seems to understand and having her be there for me really does help. I feel so fucking alone except when I’m with her, even when we’re not talking about it. She’s just someone I really respect, you know.”

So Dr J, the professionals said thank you. That they’re glad I have someone instead of keeping everything to myself.

Dr. McGuire asked how school was going. I said good, when I’m not half dead haha. Sad smiles are still smiles. I said “my eating disorder is so loud and is so confusing and is it just a totally messed up eating disorder to say that none of this matters and I’m not that bad because I don’t look sick?”

“You do look sick, Rachel. You definitely look sick. You know I’ll be foreword with you.”

I was like THANK YOU BECAUSE NO ONE IN MY LIFE WILL TELL ME WHAT THE HELL I LOOK LIKE SO THANK YOU FOR ACTUALLY TELLING ME WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON.

They had to leave. “Rachel please go to the emergency room if there’s any kind of medical issue. Please.” They both looked afraid again. “I will, I promise. Thank y’all so much.”

There was a patient sitting in the waiting room. I looked at her and said “I know you don’t know me, but I’ve been here before and it’s the best place you can go. This eating disorder sucks and I hate it but, there’s gotta be an end to it right?” We talked a little and I looked at her and said “You’ve got to fight it.” And she said “you do too. The fact that you’re here right now means you want to get better. That you’re talking with them. Take care of yourself.

I decided then that I was going to treatment.

I am going to treatment. I told their intake person as soon as the semester was over that I would be back. And I fucking meant it.

To fast forward through the next few hours (as lovely and meaningful as they truly were) I get back to the airport and quickly board my plane. I can’t stop crying. We start taxing out and I’m feeling more and more lightheaded. There wasn’t time to grab a Diet Coke because I was busy purging the little bit I had for lunch (and quietly crying in the toilet like a fucking loser). The more lightheaded I get, the faster my heart beats. As we take off I started having chest pains. Not horribly painful but fucking terrifying and painful enough.

“What if I die on this plane? That’s what happened to Callie!”

“Calm down. Pray. You won’t die ok? Just don’t panic and keep your breathing nice and easy.”

The feeling gets sucked out of my face. I can’t breathe. I start blacking out and then it finally stops. I spend the rest of the flight crying and lightheaded. Oh fuck I made the wrong choice. I should have stayed.

I SHOULD HAVE STAYED, I scream at myself. I keep replaying the conversation. Keep picturing their faces.

We land. I am floating. I’m not awake but I can’t let myself rest. Baggage claim. Almost home. While waiting for Christina, I put my legs up and close my eyes. I am floating, I am weak. Blacking out. Heart thumping strangely.

“Rachel go to the emergency room if anything happens ok please. Please be careful.”

It’s like they knew.

Of course they knew. They’re the experts and they know ME. And they’d never seen me so bad/at such a low weight. They could see me dying. Oh my God...does Dr J see me dying?

How do I keep from fucking dying these next 8 weeks? Do I quit my job and try to reduce stress? Do I quit exercise? What do I do when I’m laying in bed or walking into class feeling myself get weaker and weaker? Because eating isn’t the fucking solution. My body has been damaged past that.

I feel fat and disgusting but I’m also dying. How can I pretend to be so bulletproof when I dance along the edge of no return?

How the fuck do I stay alive? Dr J isn’t going to have the answer.

I have to survive 8 more weeks.

I have to live.

[thelocalshooter]

The Local Shooter Vs. Ak Sellers

(LS) Hello how are you today? Where are you from? What’s your name? And what do you do?

(Ak) What’s up g I’m good letting life be life. I’m from Memphis tn, I like to call it Big Memphis small city big lights. I’m Ak Sellers, you can just call me Ak and Sellers is actually my last name so don’t be thinking I gotta Ak shop around the corner. I’m an artist/rapper whatever term you choose to use.

(LS) We see you’re on many platforms with 2 albums and a couple singles, how does the whole process work for you? Do you have to feel it or can you just hop in the booth and make it happen?

(Ak) Yea 1st album is called “Started With” which is actually my first album for anyone looking to hear more music. 2nd one “Free Goon” was actually made in dedication to my lil brother GoonBankroll who is fighting a charge I won’t get to deep into but he’ll be home soon. My single “Signz” and “Know Uh” are two of my favorite as far as seeing my development and I had a lot of fun recording them. Normally I already have the whole process planned out. When I first go in the booth I may do a voice check to find the way I hear it it my head or depending on the kind of energy I want to bring to the beat. I can also go str8 in once hear a beat I rock with and vibe off it. That’s pretty much how the “Free Goon” project was made. It was actually more songs I think like 18. We were all just in the studio coming up with songs. Once we had the chorus down the rest was a punch-in away. So basically I can do both.

(LS) Are you currently working on anything else? A new project? Do ever think of stepping outside of music and doing another creative thing or strictly music?

(Ak) I am currently working on a new project with U.Z.H the one that made prod. the beat to “Know Uh” that’s all I can really say right now. We’ve been keeping it low key for the most part but yea that’s in the making. I’m also working on putting more songs or maybe an ep out in the meantime while I finish up this next project to keep everyone in tune with what I have going on.

(LS) You seems to be very versatile when it comes to your sound you can really get on anything and make it your own, how did that come about? Who were your inspirations growing up?

(Ak) Mane, if I could tell you exactly how I come up with my songs I would consider myself a genius. It’s usually depends on how many beats I write the song to, I don’t know if other rappers use that process or if it even make sense but if I get stuck on one beat I just scan thru beats and something clicks and boom there you go. All my songs are based off past experiences and/or how I felt then vs now. I like to use unique words but also keep it simple enough to understand. Sometimes I may be thinking of a word not knowing the meaning and have to look it up. That’s probably why my vocabulary and word play is the way it is. I guess that technically makes me a genius huh? I grew up listening to Yo Gotti, Gucci Mane, Lil Wayne, and Future. I was also blessed to be around family that motivates me to keep growing as an artist. Overall I try to stay up to date on all music no matter the genre, industry or underground. All of it plays a part. I may listen to me more than anything just so I stay on track and not bite other artists’ style.

(LS) How is the music scene in Memphis? How do you see it evolving and how do you see yourself growing along with it?

(Ak) The music scene in Memphis is on fye right now due to so many good artists like MoneyBagg, Black Youngsta, Key Glock, Lil Migo, etc coming up. In the next few years it may be just as many artists from Memphis mainstream like it was with Atlanta and it’s a lot of different varieties of styles, nobody sounds like the next. At one point it was just Gotti, Dolph, 3-6, and some 8Ball & MJG but I didn’t get to experience them as much. I fit right in as far as own sound, own lingo, my experience, own image, and I’m connected with most of the upcoming rappers one way or another. It’s pretty much like I’m meant to do it. As long as I continue growing and perfecting my craft I’ll stay on track for sure.

(LS) Are there any artist you see yourself working with in the future? And specific sound you’re looking for when it comes to collabs?

(Ak) I literally will work with everybody whether that’s the greats like Jay Z, Weezy, Kanye if they still at it. Artists from my city like Bagg, Youngsta is a must. Glock, Kevo Muney, Lil Migo, gotta get one with Gotti and/or Dolph depending on the situation obviously. I will also have a few good features on this upcoming project from a few good artists I’ve met recently. I can’t forget Da Baby, Stunna 4 Vegas, Future for sure, Drake, my favorite female artist Doja Cat who need to follow me back on Twitter, Megan, Gunna, and I wanna work with Thugga. That’s just off top of my head. I definitely gonna take my opportunities and make the best out of em no matter what. I got a lil ways to got but sometimes that could be a hop and a skip.

(LS) What are goals as an artist, do you plan on being independent or are working your way up to land in front of a label and sign?

(Ak) My ultimate goal is to be independent and eventually grow to the point where I can put other artists and producers in a position to succeed. I’ve met a lot of good people this past year since I’ve been grinding with my music and I would definitely love to showcase a lot of that talent. If I end of landing in front of a label and they say what I know my value is why not. I know I can produce a creative unique sound especially if I’m being funded by a label and it gives me more versatility to work with as far as presenting new ideas and creativity without worrying about how. Everything has its pluses and minuses so we’ll have to see where that goes.

(LS) We see you had a video out featuring Goon Bankroll, who is he to you? How did the concept for that video come about? Can we expect more visuals from you in 2020?

(Ak) Goon BankRoll is my lil cousin, I call him my lil brother though because he was the one with me day in and day out no matter what. The same goes for Hunchoo and Rell who were also in the video. Right Now he’s fighting a case as I stated earlier and I try to keep him motivated as much as I can while he does. The concept was pretty much random. I picked up the camera man who is a longtime homie I grew up with, went to my apartment me and my child’s mother was staying at the time and said let’s shoot. We look at the scene and saw how we could get good angles which was pretty much on my homeboy shooting it. The females were just with us so I gave them $20 to do whatever they did and we really just did what we wanted. There are definitely a lot of visuals going to be shot in 2020. Got a few already done just have to drop. Been building up my YouTube channel so that I don’t have to do that in the process because that’s a lot of stuff if you think about it. I’m just letting everything flow at the moment and eventually it’ll work out as planned.

(LS) Can we expect any tour dates from you this year? Any more shows you can announce at the moment?

(Ak) I’m actually putting together a personal tour to hit a few cities and connect with different djs and radio stations that’s been staying in contact with me. I’ve been very active when it comes to meeting different people that present opportunities I need to succeed and help me reach my full potential. Most of my were in the month of December when they were coming back to back. 2020 will have a lot of surprises so just stay tuned. Once it starts it won’t stop.

(LS) Thank you being part of a great come up, can you provide us with your social media accounts or anyway where fans/artist can get ahold of you and find out a bit more about you personally? Anything extra we can keep your eyes peeled for coming from AK?

(Ak) my main social media is Twitter @sellers_ak, then Instagram @ak_sellers, Snapchat @ak_sellers, and Facebook Ak Sellers. I’m kinda new to the social media scene so I’m growing as I go so my fans and supporters have a chance to grow and experience it with me. So be on the lookout for a lot of new content especially on my YouTube channel you can subscribe and hit the bell to stay up to date on everything. I promise nobody is gonna wanna miss it. I’m also gonna be on a few features in the near future. With thank being said if you rocking with me, we gonna rock together and if you want me to feature on a song or two shoot me an email @Aksellers25@gmail.com and we gonna get to work.

The Local Shooter — AK SELLERS — 01/28/2020

[thehooliganhangoutspot]

In this unpublished 2011 interview, the pop superstar’s late mother, Bernadette Bayot Hernandez, reveals how she raised six kids, one of them a Grammy winner, and how going back to their Filipino roots made them even closer

By: Tatin Yang - @inquirerdotnet Philippine Daily Inquirer / 12:06 AM March 12, 2014

The first time Bruno Mars performed here was in April 2011. Watching the Grammy-winning singer-songwriter thrill the crowds in Manila and Cebu were his Filipino mother Bernadette “Bernie” Bayot Hernandez, his sister Jaime and other family members.

Inquirer Lifestyle had the opportunity to interview Bernie about raising her children in Hawaii with Filipino values, working hard to make sure her kids’ dreams were realized, and making peace with tattoos.

She and Bruno were obviously very close, from the way she talked about him. When he lit up his first electronic cigarette, he tweeted that he was quitting the real thing for his mom.

She was the first girl he wrote a song about; his first composition, “I Love You Mom,” was recorded when he was only 4 years old, with lyrics that go, “My mommy helps me with my voice/ ’Cause a superstar singer is my first choice/ I love you, Mom, you are my favorite girl/ I love you, Mom, you’ll always be my favorite girl.”

In June last year, Bernie unexpectedly died of a brain aneurysm; she was only 55. When Bruno received another Grammy for Best Pop Vocal Album for “Unorthodox Jukebox” two months ago, he dedicated his win to his mom: “Ma, I know you’re watching, I hope you’re smiling, I love you.”

Below is the unpublished interview with Bernie, along with her daughter Jaime:

At first glance, Bernadette Bayot Hernandez is your typical Filipino mom. Her bag is bursting with knick-knacks and family photos, complete with a big bag of pastillas as her baon, which she presses into my hand and insists that I try. Facebook confounds her, and she calls her daughter when she needs a photo e-mailed or when she wants to see her Facebook account, which her kids made for her.

She was horrified when her son got a tattoo, and occasionally begs him to stop adding tattoos to his body. It’s a scene we’ve encountered with our own moms, except that Bernie’s tattoo-happy son also happens to be Bruno Mars.

Tell us how you ended up in the US.

Bernie: We’re a big family. I have six brothers, and my mom was worried about us growing up, especially since my dad was the only one supporting us. My grandmother was a US citizen; she petitioned for us to join her… We were on our way to San Francisco to be with her, but had a stopover in Hawaii. It reminded us so much of the Philippines that we never made it to San Francisco. This was in 1968. I was 10 years old then.

How did you end up back here? Is this your first time to be home?

I was here 15 years ago. When Philippine Airlines was asked to be a sponsor for Bruno, Vivienne Tan, PAL’s EVP, knew that we were Filipino-Americans and wanted us to be the first family to be brought in under her pet project. She had people search for a way to get in touch with us, and my brother, John Valentine, who is also an artist, had a website, and they got in touch with him to ask if they could sponsor our family to fly back under this project.

What is this project about?

THE BAYOT family entertain the kids along with DSWD. Their charity work is a partnership with Philippine Airlines’ initiative to encourage Filipino-Americans to come home, reconnect and give back.

It’s PAL’s new drive to bring back Filipino-American families to come visit, get in touch with their roots, and maybe check and see if there’s anything they can do to give back to the country. When we were invited, I was really excited and grateful. I even told them my dad was an employee of Philippine Airlines before we moved to Hawaii, and they were surprised.

PAL flew nine of us—myself, my mom, my brothers John, Lawrence, Douglas, Christopher, John and Franklin, and my daughter Jaime. It was really generous of PAL; I can’t thank them enough.

What places have you visited so far?

My whole family and I were invited by (Cebu) Gov. Gwen Garcia to perform for the inmates at the Cebu Penitentiary; we all sang for them, which they enjoyed since it’s always [been] them doing the entertaining. My brother John even wanted me to do the hula, and I said he was out of his mind!

So your whole family is into music?

Yes, our whole family! My dad was a singer, my mom a dancer, so we really got all that talent. My dad used to sing to us when we were little. All my kids sing. All my brothers sing.

Every time we get together, there’s always music, that’s why when karaoke came along, which was also around the time Bruno was born, he had to fight for that mic. At age two, he just wanted that microphone, always.

Were you the one who taught Bruno how to sing?

I don’t know if we taught him exactly, but he was always surrounded by music. So it was automatic for him. Bruno, I knew he was special the moment he was born. I would like to say that he came out of me holding a mic, but of course that wasn’t the case! But he was singing even before he started talking.

I bought him a piano when he was just two, and he went on the piano and just started playing tunes, not just banging on it, but he’d play actual tunes!

He started performing professionally at four, he’d be onstage five nights a week with our group—Bruno was the cherry on the cake, he was our finale.

He’d impersonate Elvis, and Priscilla Presley actually hired him to open for a tribute to Elvis in Memphis. Elvis’ estate rarely gets impersonators but when they saw Bruno, they got him to open for the event. They paid for everything and gave us a tour of the house.

We hear Bruno has a tattoo of your name on his arm. Tell us more about it.

When he was a kid, he was afraid of needles, but when he moved to LA, I didn’t know all these tattoos were happening. When I saw my son, I was all, “Why did you do that? Please, Bruno, don’t put any more tattoos, you have such beautiful skin, why are you gonna ruin it?”

And then he lifts up his sleeve and says “Aw, but what about this?” It was my name, and it was the full name, that’s long! And I said, “Well, okay, that one’s all right.”

What changes has fame brought to your lives?

It hasn’t changed our hearts, but the attention takes a little getting used to. I still work, but many people drop by the house, and it gets busy, and they’d ask me, “Why are you still working?” And I’d reply, “Well, what do you want me to do?” We’re all the same.

So you still work?

Yes. That’s all I’ve been doing all of my life. This is the first time that I’m actually not working, because of Bruno. He keeps telling me to relax, so I’m here, just enjoying it.

What was it like raising six kids by yourself?

It was tough, but I did it. I was a single mom. I cleaned houses—everything—just to make it work. I sewed, sold paintings. I don’t know how I managed it, to tell you the truth.

How did you feel when Bruno won his first Grammy?

I was there at the Grammys and he was nominated for seven awards, and he won the one I wanted him to win. It was kinda surreal, we couldn’t believe it. After he performed that night, he received a standing ovation, and to see that, that was incredible. Is that my son? I can’t believe it.

You mentioned a charity that you had. What is it about?

Jaime: We started an organization called m.a.m.a earth—the mama stands for Mothers About Making Amends.

We like to focus on grassroots organizations that need help, like the last one we did for Haiti where we helped set up a birthing center and installed a water system that lets them operate 24 hours. We want to be able to tell our donors where their money went exactly, versus donating to bigger organizations where you can’t really pinpoint what happens to your donation. It gets closer to the heart that way, I think.

What are you planning to do here in Manila through m.a.m.a earth?

Jaime: We were thinking of a way how to help, and Social Welfare Undersecretary Celia Yangco brought us to an orphanage with blind kids; she said they were in need of educational materials, so we’re working on a way to help them.

Bernie: We really want to focus on moms and children, especially after seeing the inmates in Cebu. I mean, with the husbands in jail, who’s looking after the kids now?

Your affinity to family is evident in your choice of charity work. You really grew up close to each other?

Bernie: Yes! Sometimes, a little too close! I remember though, that even when we were still here, my dad would always bring home hungry kids we didn’t know. They’d beg for money but my dad didn’t believe in giving money, he’d rather bring them home and feed them. So, I got that habit, too. Whenever I see a hungry kid, I melt. I would give my last dime for a hungry child. The kids near our hotel now, they’d come running to us every day, and we’d feed them, give them pizza and candy. I was raised that way, and I want to continue that tradition of helping.

Jaime: And toothbrushes! My mom wanted them to brush their teeth after eating all that candy!

What else have you done here, aside from that?

Jaime: We visited Resorts World, that was beautiful. From Cebu, we got a taste of the tropical vibe. I want to go back and see all the islands.

Any shopping?

Bernie: I like a bargain, I’m a smart shopper. I’m a seamstress, too, so I don’t buy many clothes. But I’m dying to go to Greenhills and buy some beads, since I make jewelry, too.

Tell us more about raising your kids the “Filipino way.”

Bernie: I taught my kids how to be polite, well-mannered. Coming from a big family, my mom was very old-fashioned, and I learned to carry over what she taught me. I’m so proud of my kids, they turned out so well.

Jaime: Coming back here, I realize now that I came to be this way because of my grandparents and family. The things taught to me, I see here, like respect for others, especially elders. That’s something you don’t see in other places. Everyone’s so nice and warm, very welcoming and hospitable, and I intend to raise my kids the same way.

……………………………………………………………………………………………… Nerd here: The reason I’m submitting this article, is in honor of Bruno’s charitable act for Flint, Michigan. I’m submitting this because I see there are people questioning Bruno’s heart and if he’s truly genuine with his efforts. This unpublished article proves that he is. Bruno comes from an entire family where they highlight the importance of helping others and giving back. This is something that his mom has taught him to do. Bruno is basically carrying on the legacy of what his mom has instilled in him. Of being kind to others and helping those in need. Bruno is genuinely a good person and his kind gestures are coming straight from his heart. ❤️

[parisstreet]

Some Words On ‘You (Too)’

 In the process of writing and recording You, I ended up with 2 songs that - in my opinion - could only function as album-openers, and 2 songs that could only function as album-closers. The 2 openers were ‘Sorry, Susan’ and ‘Where We Met’. The former was more immediate, and had the benefit of being a duet (so the listener wouldn’t be stuck solely hearing my tired mumbling). The latter was prettier, but was slower to develop, and provided the listener with no escape from my very-closely-mic’d mumbling. I rightfully chose the former for the album.

The 2 closers were ‘At The Fuck-It Hour’ and ‘Don’t Puke’. The former concludes with just the prettiest dang 90 seconds of music you will ever hear (again, in my opinion). The latter was called ‘Don’t Puke’. Once more, I rightfully chose the former for the album.

I still very-much liked those 2 ditched tunes, though. Since they followed the same theme as the album (each song being inspired by a different ‘you’), I decided to flesh out some other ditched songs from the album sessions and compile everything together as a companion piece to the album.

One problem quickly arose: other than ‘Where We Met’ and ‘Don’t Puke’, the other songs I ditched were ditched for a much clearer reason: they kinda sucked.

Just for fun, here’s a quick rundown of those songs:

1)     Julie Anne - A song about a girl I met at a bar one night (the titular Julie Anne) who very drunkenly told me that she wouldn’t date a Jew, then almost immediately fell off her barstool and landed hard on her tailbone. The rough demo of this song is pretty-much a rip-off of Pachelbel’s ‘Canon In D’, but entirely on harpsicord. You woulda hated it.

2)     A New Bed, A New Town – a repetitive funk-bass loop with the sole lyric being ‘A new bed / A new town / You’re not the first one here / Just the first I’ve cared about’. You also woulda hated this, unless you really, really like funk-bass.

3)     Death 2 – A very upbeat song that cribs on the melody from ‘Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head’ (which I already cribbed in ‘Sorry, Annie’ from the album). It was about how everyone we know and love will die. My plan was to re-write the lyrics completely, but I never really found a good ‘you’ to write about. This is the most likely of this bunch to eventually find new life on a future release.

 So I wanted to release an EP to accompany You, but I didn’t have enough songs. But then a couple things happened in quick succession:

1)     I met a gal named Ashley at a bar (who – as of this writing - has thankfully yet to offer an anti-Semitic opinion). This reminded me of another Ashley I knew when I lived in Nashville, and the run-in we once had at the art museum there.

2)     A relationship I had been in since the beginning of the year had come to a quick and confusing end.

3)     The organization of some old photographs brought back a memory of a chilly night with a friend in Madison, Wisconsin, after a wedding.

Those 3 things inspired 3 song ideas, once again focused on a different ‘you’. Now I had my EP.

After a couple nights of hasty demoing, I sent the songs over to Jack and Neely in Memphis. A couple days after that, I was at their house, recording Neely’s vocal for ‘Ashely At The Frist’ (she already recorded her vocals for ‘Don’t Puke’ a year earlier), and Jack’s guitar for ‘(You) Haunt Me’. ‘Cold’ was the least finished of the bunch – all I had was a couple piano melodies looped for 5 minutes. Because Jack is awesome (as is Neely), I told him to just improvise on guitar over the melodies for as long as he could and I would sort it all out later. He didn’t disappoint, because – again – he’s awesome.

Everything fell into place pretty quickly after that. After about a month, the 3 songs were complete. During that same time, I added a little more instrumentation and new vocals to ‘Where We Met’ and ‘Don’t Puke’. After about another month, the masters were in. The last step was emailing a friend of mine to ask her permission to use her as my cover star. She wrote back and said she’d be honored.

I had You. And now I have You (Too). And now you have You (Too), too. Enjoy.

You (Too) is out now via Bandcamp. Streaming via Spotify, Apple Music, Amazon, and all those other places will commence on Friday, 12 July.

[manofculture]

2K17 Midwest Road Trip

The weekend of August 11, 2017, I took a road trip with one of my day-1 homies. We go back to 3rd grade Mr. Mule’s class at Washington Elementary School! His family moved to Tennessee when we went to middle school he lives in Memphis, TN now, so we don’t get to connect much. Since we both turned that “30 ball” this year, we decided that it was the perfect time link up for a road trip! I took plenty of pictures and videos during our jaunt - most of which is staying in the vault... BUT, we learned a lot and it would be a crime if I didn’t share some of it. 

The route was Memphis, TN - Kansas City (MO & KS) and Omaha, NE. My focus on these road trips is to “do my history” which is Black American history. It seems random, but I chose Omaha because:

It’s the birthplace of Malcolm X, and 

there is NO CITY IN AMERICA that black people have not left a lasting impression. Our history is alive all over this country.  

 The trip was amazing, and I hope you enjoy!

Memphis 8.10.17

I took a 1-way flight to Memphis Thursday night. Made it into town just in time to hit an after work happy hour. This one happened to be on the roof of the Peabody Hotel - a historic hotel downtown. There was a band playing rock music, and I was pleased to hear them do a couple Chuck Berry classics (Berry is a brother from STL that invented Rock N’Roll). 

The most amazing part of the night was striking up a conversation with this group of sisters - there were six of them. It started with small talk, and eventually we learned that it was a group of SIX BLACK FEMALE LAWYERS studying at the Univ. of Memphis! They were out celebrating their homegirl’s 30th birthday...real life #BlackGirlMagic. I thought that was dope!

We ended up walking Beale St. for a bit before heading back home to get some rest before the trip.

Kansas City (KS & MO) 8.11.17  

We hit the road for KC at about 8:30a (two hours later than planned). After a good 7 hours of driving, we made it to KC. Interesting thing about KC is there are two sides - KC Missouri (which was a slave state) and KC Kansas (a free state). Our first stop was on the Kansas side. We drove straight to a neighborhood just west of the Missouri river called Quindaro. 

Quindaro was a boom town started in the 1850s. Since it was right on the river in the free state of Kansas, it eventually became an underground railroad stop for Black people escaping slavery.  We visited an overlook structure built at the top of a hill where you could see the Missouri River valley and the trail that people took as they left the river en route to Nebraska - which was the next stop on our trip! An inscription in the overlook described the fight that ensued to preserve Quindaro and keep it from becoming a landfill! It was powerful just being there!

Quindaro was also home to the Quindaro Freedman’s School, which opened during reconstruction after the Civil War. The Freedman’s School eventually grew to become Western University, an HBCU run by the AME church. 

In 1911, the AME Bishop granted Western University funds to erect a statue of freedom fighter John Brown on the campus. When we walked down to view the statue, the wildest thing happend. A man named Leo was out walking his five dogs (none of which were on leashes). Leo turned out to be a retired teacher, and he told us all about the statue - as well as Quindaro! 

We were crashing with my homie’s family that night. After we left the Quindaro site, we got cleaned up at his people’s crib, and hit the KC Chiefs v. SF 49ers preseason game. The tickets we bought were cheap, which means we got bad seats. We didn’t get to Arrowhead Stadium until the 4th quarter, and by that time, the ushers weren’t really trippin about people moving to different seats. Instead of going up to the nosebleeds, we went down to the field! The down side is, they weren’t selling beer anymore either (they stop selling at the end of the 3rd qtr)...

As far as the game, the Chiefs were pretty much imploding when we got there. We walked in on the 49ers scoring a 2pt conversion to tie the game 17-17. The 9ers went on the score a couple more times and it was a wrap. The stadium atmosphere was amazing though! It was my first time seeing an NFL game!

After the game we went downtown KCMO to check out “KC Power & Lights.” It was cool down there, great to see how they redeveloped an old power utility into a performance venue with bars and restaurants. 

The next day, we got up and knocked out the 3 hour drive to Omaha, NE.

Omaha, NE 8.12.17

After checking into the hotel, we hit the streets of Omaha. I researched this place called the Great Plains Black History Museum and that was the 1st place we visited. Their original building is in disrepair, and they moved to a retail space at the Crossroads Mall as a temporary show room for some of their artifacts. There was a volunteer on hand named Frank Hayes. He showed us around the space and we ended up having an AMAZING conversation with the brother. Turns out, he’s the founder and principal of Nebraska’s 1st Black owned accounting firm! 

http://www.hayes-cpa.com/go/home/

Him and my homie kinda got into a debate because they fall on two seperate ends of the political spectrum, which was hilarious to watch! No pics here, unfortunately.

We left the museum and stopped at the site of Malcolm X’s birth home. The house in no longer standing, but there is a foundation named after brother Malcolm that’s developing an 11 acre plot of land into a museum, garden and outdoor amphitheater. 

While we were there, another wild thing happened. We ran into a guy named Jed. Jed was from Omaha, but had never visited the Malcolm X site. He said he was a single father that found some free time and decided to stop by. We talked a little about the Autobiography of Malcolm X, and how when Jed read it in college it changed him as an individual. He said that “with everything that happened in Charlottesville today, this is the day I needed to come here.”

Our next stop was to hit N. 24th St - I wanted to see the Omaha Star building. The Omaha Star is the last black owned newspaper in Nebraska, and one of the only ones left in America! The paper was founded in 1938 by a sister named Mildred Brown! Thought it was significant in the age of FAKE NEWS, that this sister created a media platform for us by us!

Across the street from the Omaha Star was a small blue building with a long awning. There was no real signage, but the front door was open and music was coming out. There was a little sign hanging next to the door stating that NO ONE UNDER 30 YEARS OF AGE IS PERMITTED TO ENTER. Us being two new members of the 30 club, we had to investigate. It turned out to be a sort of juke joint called Jesse’s Place. The brother at the bar carded us immediately. He didn’t quite get the math right on our ages, saying that we were “close enough,” before happily serving us both.

We sat and talked with a couple of older ladies for a bit. I struck up a conversation with a sister named Marilynn Devereaux (last name is pronounced this way, not sure of the exact spelling. She made it clear that her name didn’t have an “A” in it like the white folks lol). Marilynn was happy to learn that we were traveling to connect with Omaha’s Black history. She told us that her family is one of the first three Black families that came to Omaha in 1905. She introduced us to a number of people including Mr. Union, who was in his 80s and a member of another one of the oldest Black families in Omaha. According to Marilynn, he was also thee Gabrielle Union’s great uncle! 

Definitely had a great time talking with the OGs at Jesse’s! Here’s a picture of Marilynn below. The sister that took it for us was kinda tipsy:

It was already a long day, and I was feeling every bit of my 30 years but we were on a roll! We stopped for food at Time Out Foods for some wings, and headed downtown to Old Market. I learned that this part of downtown Omaha was a former meat packing district that was redeveloped into an entertainment district. There were lots of bars and restaurants to choose from. We found a spot that had a pretty good DJ and kicked it!

Omaha, NE 8.13.17

We got up Sunday and visited St. John African Methodist Episcopal Church, the first black church organized in Omaha! When asked, we stood and introduced ourselves, and were very well received by the congregation. I was impressed and pleased by the minister delivering a message that addressed the Charlottesville terror attack that had taken place the day before!  

After service, they served burgers and peach cobbler down in the basement of the church (it was left over from a function they hosted the previous week). I got to talk with some of the elders about the church’s history. One sister gave us a tour of the church’s “history room!” 

After church, we hit the highway to end our road trip, headed back to our hometown Rockford, IL.

Rockford, IL 8.14.17

I took the day off Monday, but still had A LOT of stuff to take care of back home. One of the biggest things was to do some work for my “W-2 job” (I have about 6 other jobs too lol). I organized a job fair in the Ellis Heights neighborhood (west side Rockford), and needed to do some last minute canvassing ahead of our event. My boy got up and helped me hit the pavement to get the word out about my event! (The pic is him and my sister’s bf)

The weekend was a whirlwind! As dead tired as I was, I enjoyed every minute. It was great learning that rich history - I’m always so motivated by our people and our story! But it was even better getting to reconnect with one of my childhood friends. The midwest road trip is one we’ll never forget!

[joshterry]

there are no ugly women in oxford, mississippi & other thoughts on anxiety & taking a break

2 days ago i made a very out of character, last minute decision… i decided i was going to take a vacation… and i was going to take it in 2 days…and i didn’t give zero craps what anyone thought of it. i made the decision on my drive into work and the first thing i said as i walked in the door to my staff was “hey guys i don’t mean to freak you out, but i’m going out of town on friday for 6 days. cool?”

i gotta admit my employee & our interns were a little surprised. i’m a pretty predictable person, i love routine, i like schedules and i tend to think most of my decisions are pretty calculate and planned out over a long period of time specifically to make sure no one gets affected - i like that about myself and i think others like it about me too, it’s part of what i think makes me steady. so i didn’t really know how they’d react. this decision however was different, i just felt in my gut i needed to disappear for a bit and i needed to do it suddenly. i shouldn’t have been surprised by this but they (along with all my clients) were very supportive of it. i think everyone probably felt “yea you’ve been a little abrasive lately, get out of here you lunatic.” i don’t say enough lucky i am to get to work every day with people who not only have such strong character but also care for me seem to be able to tolerate my own unique brand of “crazy person.”

traveling’s always been a big part of my life and the past few years i’ve tried to take one vacation a year that’s non-work related. because of my job i’ve gotten to travel all over the word to a lot of big cities & cool places. i’ve been blessed with travel to 49 states (minus alaska, which is just cold and i don’t do cold) and several international countries. so to do something a little different for actual vacations for personal enjoyment one of the things i started doing that’s served me well is i now exclusively go to places i assume others wouldn’t go on vacation to. i’ve been to boone, north carolina, savannah, georgia, athens, georgia, and mobile, alabama over the years. there’s just been something comforting about planting myself in a very small, beautiful southern city for a few days and forgetting my “problems.” these trips always refresh me in a way that the big cities or beaches just don’t. there’s not a lot to do, and you’re forced to just soak in the local culture, talk to regulars and it’s easy to disappear and feel like you don’t have to be “on." my friend leslie who i’ve known since i was in middle school has been offering me for months to come use her family’s vacant home in oxford, mississippi. it’s only 4 hours away from nashville and it’s actually one of the few cities in america i’ve never been to. so on a whim i hit her up on wednesday & asked if if the offer still stood. she said yes, gave me a ton of ideas of things to do and places to eat at, and said “the place is yours, here’s where you’ll find the keys.”

i’m sitting on her couch right now in the quaint little house & i’ve got to say it feels like exactly what i need at this moment.

so why does someone who has amazing friends & family, owns their own business that gives him a lot of freedom and flexibilty in his life need a sudden vacation you might ask? what’s so urgent you whiney 1% whitey? well truth be told i don’t quite know. the funny thing is nothing’s really going wrong. work is good - my business continues to grow, my acts are busy, i’m wanting to sign a lot more things too, i’m not burned out at all (which i gotta say is unusual because i have my hands in a lot of things), and my stress level because of all that is super managable and surprisingly quite low. my personal life couldn’t be going better - i’m in the best health, both physically and mentally, of my life. and i’m being as social as a person like me gets - going out regularly, making plans with friends, seeing lots of movies & more concerts than normal, dating regularly (which comes with its good & bad). so as i evaluate everything on the surface (which yes i do, i’m a dork), nothing really feels disconnected.

but something was feeling off for the past month. i just haven’t been inspired and i’m a person who does need inspiration to feel like i’m growing. i’ve been working hard on my personal life & my professional life but not getting the overall satisfaction from everything i’ve wanted. i think we all go through that though, right? little things that normally wouldn’t affect me were really getting under my skin. anyone who knows me knows that i hate listening to people complain about their problems when they have no solutions in mind on how to improve their situations, i call those kinda people toxic venters and for some reason i was getting surrounded by the marvel avengers of toxic venters lately. i was starting to feel manipulated, taken advantage of, and just honestly like everyone was being rude, self absorbed pieces of crap with no concern for what it was like for me having to be the person taking on their burdens. but instead of saying “i’ve had enough” i’d just listen and try to help, all the while knowing none of them wanted my help. the truth is none of these people are bad people, some of their actions i admit were questionable but i should have felt honored that they were coming to me with their problems, but instead i started to get resentful. i was also feeling quieter and less willing to show myself in situations. most people that know me realize i can be very extroverted, not at a loss for words & able to sit genuinely with who i am. anyone who knows me really well though, knows just how introverted i actually am. my normal preference is to be home in the quiet and not having to be “on” for everyone. being social takes work for me, being in quieter places where i can be more internal is where i feel more at home. and again none of this is unusual. i work in music, everyone’s problems are the biggest deal in the world (please note i say that sarcastically, because really some of y’all are silly with the garbage you get fixated on and very few problems that involve “music” are actual problems in the grand scheme of things) and i’ve learned over the years sometimes you gotta let people get their stuff out so they can get out of their own heads and start thinking more pragmatically & not make emotional (also read “dumb”) decisions.

the other thing that was messing with my head is i was also getting really sick from traveling, not just like “ugh i hate traveling” kinda sick where i snap mean spiriting pictures and post them on instagram from airports, but actually physically sick. on a trip back from LA i got what felt like the early signs of the flu, on a trip to portland several days later my ears wouldn’t pop which gave me a migraine and i felt like i was going to throw up the entire time at the show. on a trip to new york a few weeks later, i started getting crazy anxiety on the flight there and then awful motion sickness once we landed. for someone who has traveled as much as i have in my life, all of this just felt super, super off. i started feeling helpless on these trips mostly because i knew once i was on the ground i needed to power through meetings and have impactful time with my bands and the people working for me. then all of that spread from work to just general social settings. the thought of going to parties, having meet ups with friends or even attending work related events or concerts started stressing me the hell out, like anxiety you wouldn’t believe. and again none of it made sense, when i’d get there everything was fine, i’d have a good time, but man the "getting there" part was awful. all i could think about was i didn’t want to talk to people who were going to just talk about themselves, or worse yet were going to want something from me. part of the draw backs about working in a city where your profession is the focal point of the city is the amount of mooches per capita who are looking for hand outs is overwhelming. i had a show in nashville a few weeks ago & i couldn’t even keep up with the amount of hangers on-ers that came up to me (and i reiterate these are people who never talk to me unless they need something) and they were all looking for work or advice on some bad idea they had that they’ll likely never execute because (and this is going to sound harsh) they’re not good enough to keep their own jobs or see their own ideas through because they let their personal crap get in the way of them completing things or just being a professional in general. sorry i said it - fake that til you make that why don’t you. so saying all of that, because of feeling sick, anxious and frustrated i started feeling like a bad version of myself. i didn’t want to be that grumpy person that everyone was like “what’s wrong with that dude” & i noticed i wasn’t being as positive as i wanted to be with others and worse yet, i didn’t feel like i was as fun to be around or even funny (and y’all, all humility aside, lets be real... i’m hilarious, so if i don’t feel like i’m funny in public, somethings wrong).

so off to oxford, mississippi, i went this morning in my car and after a brief stop in memphis to check out graceland (which by the way did you know elvis has a whole bunch of stuffed animals in his living room & a freaking jesus statue with his name on it right in front of his grave and that junk is wild) i pulled into the driveway. only a few hours later, as cliche as it might sound, i could just feel my soul feeling settled.

i had a wonderful dinner at a place called snackbar and then just spent a few hours walking around the square in downtown oxford. looked around square books & picked up a few things i’m going to read this week while i put my phone on airplane mode & ignore as many emails and text messages as i can. i popped into proud larry’s - a bar & music venue that some of my very first bands used to play every other month which gave me a very comforting and reassuring "how far i’ve come/nostalgic trip down memory lane” kinda vibe. i was able to settle in & remember that even back then i was also an entrepreneur, albeit a really green and probably bad one, but as i sat there and had my drink i could remember how i felt back then. so full of possibility, so full of life. the little things didn’t bother me and i was reminded how many doors opened for me just because i was willing to put in the work, how open i was to collaborating with others and letting them into my life, and how it felt like i had a new idea every day and wasn’t afraid to execute them because of financial concerns or even dumber how i’d be perceived. i just did me, and doing me worked out.

i’m looking to a few days of solitude this week. i’m going to write a lot, read a lot, watch movies and just explore & visit places & do things that are fun to me. did i mention there are zero ugly women in oxford? ZERO! jenn - we might need to open a satellite office here, just sayin’ :) enjoy your next week of work suckers :)

[mhdiaries]

Diary of Operetta

You can’t play my guitars or ready my diary so don’t ask. 

July the Twenty-fifth

Hey Fynn! I’m going to keep a diary. I’ll send it to you when school starts and you can read about my adventures...if I have any. I sure wish you’d join the modern monster world and get yourself a computer or at least an iCoffin so we could exchange email or texts. Having to send everything by ghost post seems like it takes forever, not that we don’t have it, but you get my drift. Anyway, the morning after the going away party y’all threw for us - which was clean outta fright - we caught a scream boat and headed up river to the “home of the boos”. I talked daddy and mama into lettin’ me go see the ghost of “you know who”. Daddy kinda rolled his eyes and said okay - betcha if it was a bunch of them old opera harpies all wearing helmets with horns sticking out he’d a jumped up and clicked his heels. At least he didn’t say no and I could smell the fried peanut butter and banana sandwiches before I got there. Turns out there was a jam session and I hadn’t seen that many singers and players gathered in one spot since the day the music died. They even let me sit in with them on a set. I had to promise not to sing though. Must’ve heard what happened down in Terrorbone Parish I reckon. During the jam I used that new lick you taught me and even that big ol’ werewolf guitar player you like so much howled and said, “Oh Red, I’m gonna be singing the blues if you don’t teach me that.” I told him I could show him but I couldn’t teach him. For that he needed to come find you. I was sad to leave but daddy wanted to head east so he could go check out some old opera house that was supposed to be grand. Turns out I enjoyed it more that he did since they weren’t exactly performing the kind of music he expected :)

July the Twenty-seventh

How did we get to the new opera house? Well there’s this underground train that somehow connects to the catacombs below Monster High. That’s where the opera house is, not in Monster High but under it. I actually met a group of ghouls from Monster High at one of the stations while we were waiting to change trains. They were all on the MH Fear Squad and were headed to some kind of competition or training or something. I didn’t really understand it all but they all seemed very nice although the captain of the team was a bit high and mighty for my taste. Got to go now, sorry so short.

August the First

We have mostly settled in although we still got some unpacking left to do. My guitars all made the trip just fine too. I was worried but I guess I shouldn’t have been. Those cases you gave me protected everything just like you said they would. The opera house is in pretty ghoul shape although there hasn’t been a production done here in many years. I reckon that’s why we’re here, well at least why daddy and mama are here. It’s a whole bunch different from the riverboat opera house though. This one has a big ole pipe organ that sounds like a whole fleet of riverboats coming down the “big muddy”. Of course the first thing daddy did was hop on that thing and play Toccata and Fugue in D minor...who didn’t see that coming? Later on I lugged my amp out to the middle of stage, plugged her in and played a little riff that lasted long enough for daddy to come running in and tell me to stop polluting his opera house with “that noise”. Whatever. I didn’t feel like arguing although I did finally quote that thing you quoted to me - “There’s only two kinds of music. Good music and the other kind.” To which daddy said, “Yes and I would have you play the other kind somewhere else.” Reckon I should have seen that coming too. I’m sure in no time though daddy will have this place snoring with “good music”. ;p

August the Seventh  

I explored the catacombs a little more today. A ghoul could seriously get lost down there if she wasn’t paying attention. It’s like there’s a passages that go every which a way. Some just dead end and others seem like they go on forever. Some of the things I discovered are:

- An underground lake with a big island in the middle that has an old castle on it

- A passage that leads from the zombie side of town straight up to Monster High

- Lots of rooms and halls blocked by doors that you need some kind of key to get past.

I also found, or I guess I should say Memphis found, my new practice room/recording studio! I would have totally missed it because it just looked like a crack in the wall to me but Memphis must have sensed something though ‘cause he shimmied through that crack quick as a gnat’s sneeze. Before I knew it, a section of what had just looked like part of the catacombs wall swung open like a door and there was Memphis hanging upside down by a thread with a big fly-eatin’ grin on his face. The walls inside were covered by some kind of moss, not like the stuff that hangs off the cypress trees back home, but more like a soft carpet and it lights up! How creepy sweet is that? I have no idea what the room was originally used for but there are power outlets on one wall and a big table in the middle. Memphis and me brought all our equipment down here, cranked everything up and just went to town! You want to know what the best part is? When the door is shut you can be standing with you ear pressed right up against it and still not hear what’s going on inside. I don’t think I’ve ever had a place where I could play and sing without worrying about who might be listening. Maybe moving here won’t be so bad after all.

August the Eighteenth

Yes I have gotten out of the catacombs and my new recording studio to check out the town although I probably wouldn’t have left if I hadn’t needed to get some new strings. I ended up at the Maul - they’ve got a pretty good music store and some shops where I might actually find some clothes I like but you know me - I spent most of my time in the music store. They have a scary slick selection of guitars - nothin’ like you’ve made for me of course but I played a few anyway cause they just looked so sad hanging up there on the wall all by their lonesome. I was just kinda picking a little bit when I got the feeling some monster was watching me. I turned around and sure enough there was this little frizzy haired werewolf staring at me. Now you’d be proud of me cause you know normally I don’t like being interrupted when I’m playing but there was just somethin’ about her that made me call her over. I asked, “Ain’t you never seen a monster play guitar before?”

“Not like you,” she said.

“Good answer ghoul friend.” Her name was Howleen and after I played some more she asked if I would teach her. I put the guitar back on its stand and looked at her for a minute. “Why do you want to learn to play guitar?” She sorta shrugged a little and said, “I guess because no other monster I know plays guitar.” I shook my head and told her that from the time I was a little ghoul all I’ve ever wanted to do was play and sing. “If I’m not actually playing or practicing I’m thinking about playing or practicing and if you took lessons from me I’d expect you to be the same way.” I knew she wasn’t ready for that. I did show her a few chords though and she actually caught on scary quick. She’s got long fingers and good ears. I told her that she ought to sign up for lessons with one of the music store’s guitar creatures and when she had learned everything they had to teach her to come and see me. She screamed all right with that and the music store even threw me in a set of free strings for getting Howleen to sign up with one of their instructors. Who knows, maybe she’ll end up loving to play as much as I do...hey...I said maybe didn’t I?

August the Twenty-fifth

Monster High ain’t like our one room ghoul house back on the delta. I got a chance to really check it out today after Headless Headmistress Bloodgood sent daddy and mama a note asking if they would send me up to see her. So I made my way up from the opera house to her office and introduced myself. She seemed very prim and proper and I was wondering how long it’d be before I’d have a special seat with my name on it outside her office. She told me shad had just been going through my records from the school back home and that she was pleased to have me as a student at Monster High. She also said, “I will expect excellence from you and neither shoddy work nor laziness will be tolerated or rewarded.” I said I reckon I expected the same from myself as long as she didn’t expect me to be the same kind of formal phantoms as my daddy and mama or to back down every time some monster said “boo” to me cause that ain’t who I am! I sat back and crossed my arms cause I expected she was going to give me a lecture on rules and manners and obligations to our monter legacy but instead she just kinda leaned forward a little, put her head in her hands and said, “I understand your father’s performances have been known to bring down the house, but I’ll expect you to blow the roof off this sucker.” Right then and there you could have knocked me over with skeeter’s wing. Monster High may turn out to be a place where every monster has to play off the same sheet music.

August the Thirty-first

Hey Fynn! There was a dandy meteor shower last night. I took that cypress body acoustic you made for me and went down to the beach. I pretended that they sky was a sheet of music and each shooting star that fell was a single note. I played until my fingers gave out and then I just sat back and enjoyed the show. I’m not sure how much time I’ll have to keep up with my diary once school starts but I want you to know that even if I’m not glad all over I think I’m going to like it here just fine.

[gunslingerandy]

Shadowrun Ficlet

Something I banged out tonight after talking to a really cool dude about the Sixth World.  Unedited, so expect trash.

Rain fell on the streets of Seattle.  Not even the continual march of time dared stop that one possible cosmic truth.  Tonight those droplets glittered in the light of neons and backlit pixels.  Another night, another NERPs ad.  At least the water wasn’t eating through clothes.

Argent marched up the steps exiting the tube station, bathed in the glow of the illuminated shaft of her umbrella.  At the top, she glared across the way, and sighed heavily through gritted teeth at the blue neon sign, written in cursive: Ebey’s.  After seven attempts to ping the rigger on comms, she finally tracked him down.  

Readjusting the satchel slung across her shoulder, careful to prevent any of the downpour to seep in, she approached the curb, looked both ways, and plodded through the puddles collecting in the low spots to the door of the bar.

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No crowds gathered on the street.  No posters plastered the wall to announce “Live Music Tonight.”  It was a Monday night, after all.  

Still, Argent heard something from the dimly lit interior.  A message lit up her HUD.

“Find him?”

“Yeah.  At Ebey’s just like that guy at the electronics store said.  This slippery bastard...”

“We can get someone else, I guess?  Good luck with that, though.”

“If I go in there and he’s hammered, he’s on the drek list.”

“Your call.”

Transmission ended.  Her hand grasped the tarnished brass knob of an old wooden door.   With a twist, it swung open.  Argent stepped inside.

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It was a guitar she had heard from the street.  The fellow playing it sat on a makeshift stage off the center of the back wall.  The polished black body of the instrument glowed in the dim light, the reflections bouncing off of it caught her eye, like watching flames flicker in the night.

Her heels echoed off the slats of the floor, and once at the bar she settled into a stool.  She ordered a drink.  Watching the guitarist play, her jaw slacked up a bit.  Ice clinked in the glass as she took it, licking her lips as whatever synthetic bullshit that passed for a single malt scotch slithered past her tongue.  At least the ice was real.

Argent cracked her neck and let her shoulders fall.  She took another sip of her drink and leaned back.  She couldn’t believe her eyes, and really couldn’t believe her ears.  Her rigger could kick out the blues.

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Redline always entered a different realm when he played.  Encased within his bubble devoid of the world filled with shadows and noise, with every bend, hammer-on, pull-off, B7 chord, or whatever, he was a little more at peace.

The tune he played was soulful, mellow, sad.  It went well with the rain rippling in the streets.  After a few licks, he’d occasionally stare into the gleam of the chrome tuning keys adoring the head of a guitar that belonged in the hands of a King.  His hand slid down the neck, fretting here and there along the scales.  It was a dreary night, and his guitar was crying.

Guitar spent of all it’s tears, he emerged.  His chest rose and fell ponderously as a free hand reached for the glass under his chair, that same synthetic single malt scotch whiskey.  There was no applause, and that honestly didn’t bother him.  It was a Monday night, after all, and so he sat there satisfied to sip whiskey in silence.

He snapped his gaze to the bar when that silence was broken.  A woman with a familiar face sitting at the bar clapped gently.  He returned the sly grin that curled the corner of her lips upward, and made his way over to the bar.

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“What did I do wrong this time?”  He chuckled into his glass.

“Oh, only been trying to reach you for an hour and a half.  Nothing important.  Just a meet for a job.  You know, typical stuff.”

“Apologies for my absence.”

“Accepted, I suppose.  I have a copy of the agreement on Jeanne-D’arc you can review.  Pretty good take.  Five thousand each.”

“Wiz.”  

Argent stared at the gleaming guitar for a moment, allowing the last of passing viper of booze to slip past with a swallow.  Redline rested his empty glass onto polished mahogany.  With an unspoken agreement and a tiny gesture of his hand, the bartender returned with the half empty bottle, and walked away.

“You’re...pretty good, actually.  Definitely caught me off guard.  I expected you were here just to get shit-faced and be unreachable for a week.”

“Hey, I like to drink, but not that much.  Gotta work to drink, right, omae?” He filled the bottom of her glass, then his.  “Ebey let’s me come in on slow nights to practice.  She let’s me stash my gear here because my place doesn’t have room.  To reciprocate, I play a gig now and then as a storage fee and she throws in a few free drinks.”

“And you turn off your commlink?���

He shot her a glance and returned to his scotch.  “I like to keep to myself when I play.  I have my reasons.”

Argent screwed her lips into an awkward, spiraling grimace.  “Gotcha.”  Her head tilted backwards for a longer-than-average drink.  “So, how did you get into playing?  I mean, I heard that you gotta sell your soul to the devil, sign a contract written in blood, seal it with a kiss.  Any of those things true for you?”

Redline burst out laughing.  “Nah, only Robert Johnson did that, according to the legend.”  His elbow rested on the wooden surface behind him as he spun around.  “Right after...I lost my job with DocWagon, things got dicey.  Dicey enough to ruin relationships, and homes.  I decided that I just couldn’t stay anymore, and I started wandering.  First place I hit after ditching Atlanta was Memphis.  I made friends with some musicians there.”

He knocked back his drink, and poured another.  “They’d show me a few licks, and I guess I just had the hands for it.   Always liked the sound a guitar made, and pretty soon I was teaching myself how to play.  I went on the road a couple of times with some of them, kinda like a roadie.  After a bunch of shows, they’d ask me to join them on stage.”  

His shoulder’s lurched with a heavy breath.  “One night, there was a mix-up out back of one of the bars.  The man who played that guitar tried to stop it.”  He pointed to the black and chrome beauty that sat on the stage.  “He ain’t able to play it anymore.”

Another finished drink, another poured into his glass.

“Things kept getting hotter and hotter for me, so eventually I pulled out, guitar and all, came here.  The rest, as they say, is history.”

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Argent eyed the floor silently.  The seconds passing felt like an eternity.  She was so used to thinking in milli, nano, or pico seconds.  She eventually spoke.

“I’m sorry.  About your friend.”

Redline shrugged.  “More of a teacher than a friend.  But, now, I play regularly.  I don’t think I could stop now even if I wanted to.”

Argent sipped the last drop from the bottom.  Redline offered the bottle.  She took it and poured.

“Now,” he began.  “That’s on me.  Tell me one on you, Silver Woman.”

Her eye shot wide.  “How did you know?”

“I spent time in New Orleans.  I know a little French.  Le Femme D’Argent is your Matrix handle, right?  Means ‘The Silver Woman.’  Am I wrong?”

“No! No!  Spot on!  I’m impressed.”

“So, where did you learn to deck?”

“College, actually.  Spent a couple of years working on a Masters’ program.”

“You got a Masters’ degree?”

She took a drink.  “Never said that, did I?  No, there were some circumstances that changed my college career prior to completion.  Once I finally felt detached from those circumstances, I quit.  What I do now is no different than what I did then.  It all kind of works out.”

“I guess so.  So where did the name come from?”

“It’s from an old song.  Nearly a hundred years ago.”

Redline nodded and smiled.

Another long silence came, awash with the rain that continued to pelt the asphalt outside.  The bottle was nearly empty.  The two of them felt a little better for it.  Argent took another sip.

“If you don’t mind me asking, how did you get into running?”

Redline’s demeanor shifted.  His eyes ran back and forth across the tracks of his past as his mind generated the episodes that made up his story.  He turned away to stare at the row of bottles across the bar from him.  “That,” he said finishing off one last rocks glass laden with golden synthohol, “was when I sold my soul to the devil.”

[behindthespotlightfic]

chapter 12

January 12, 2017, 9:20am.

“Come drive me down to the central station, I hate to leave my river tyne… For some damn town that’s god-forsaken, fare thee well, Northumberland…”

Mark Knopfler, another legendary guitarist, murmurs an Irish-infused slow tune through my headphones as I fly away from Louisiana and head to Tennessee. We’re spending our day off in Memphis. It’s barely nine a.m. in the morning, and I haven’t slept enough -last night I headed to bed kinda late: half an hour after John dropped me at the hotel-, but I can’t drift into any kind of slumber despite being the only one in the plane who’s awake. So I spend my time listening to slow songs, caressing Finn when he shows signs of waking up so he falls asleep on my shoulder again, and thinking about yesterday.

Last night was one of those occasions when one doesn’t realize what’s happened until the next day, when waking up. I don’t remember thinking a lot, especially after the first half hour; I think I just tried to relax and play it cool. But today I see everything with a clearer mind, and although it seemed to me that John felt more comfortable regarding the fact that I was there, I still feel the need to apologize. I shouldn’t have suggested it, nor try to convince Flea. Of course, it’s not as much of a big deal as I thought it was when I was there in the bar, but…

I connect to the plane’s VIP wifi network with my phone. Suddenly, I find myself scrolling through John Frusciante’s Spotify page, going album after album, words and names I don’t know, melodies and harmonies unknown. I only know his work with the Chilis, because I never got curious about it. Until now. It all seems so… different, so special. He seemed special too; he looked like someone from space, someone who’s used to the way we live but never really settles. So in an attempt to see how that translates to his music, I choose a track named “Wednesday’s Song”, just because it’s Wednesday, and turn up the volume.

“You’ll make it through the day, see things another way and behold…”

And yes, he does sound unique. It’s a guitar-driven track, but although it’s simple in terms of melody, the harmonies and technique seem so layered and complex that the least I can do is admire it.

By the time we reach Memphis, I’ve listened to the entirety of Shadows Collide With People, the album Wednesday’s Song is from, plus two more albums, Curtains and The Empyrean. There are more electronic sounds in the latter, but I still enjoy it. I smile at the fact that Josh collaborated in so many of his tracks, but then I suddenly remember they don’t talk to each other anymore and everything looks slightly more bitter. Anyway, the rest of the crew wakes up, so I leave my thoughts behind and, with a morning kiss I give to Finn, my good mood returns.

____

Four hours later, it’s been a while since the plane landed, and I’m going out to have lunch with the band plus Steve. It’s always weird, being “the band, plus the two cameras”, but neither of us care about it. Actually, we’ve joked countless times about having a posse name. But I’m not with Steve right now: right now it’s five minutes to one, and Flea and I are in front of our hotel, waiting for a taxi to drive us to the restaurant we’re meeting in. The rest of them have been taking walks around the city, but the two of us have stayed, in my case because Finn and I wanted to have an intimate morning, and Flea’s stayed just because. He probably wanted to try new ideas on the bass guitar or something.

“…yes, as quick as possible. Thank you.”

“Flea.” I say when he hangs up the phone.

“Hmh?”

“Could you give me John’s number? If you think he would be okay with it and you’re too, of course.”

The question takes him by surprise.

“Um, yes? But why would you want John’s number? Also, you’re with Finn right?”

“Flea, come on! I don’t want to hook up with John!” I laugh. “I just want to apologize. I don’t know if he was really comfortable with me being there.”

“He was. Well, not at the beginning of the meeting” he corrects himself, chuckling at my sceptic glance, “but eventually he was. I think you made a good impression on him.”

I smile. “That’s great, I’m glad. But still, we lied to him and it was my idea, so still…”

“Alright, Amy, give me a second and…”

The taxi’s here. We get in, and he sends me John’s contact details.

“Have you talked to the guys about last night?” I ask him.

“Nope.” He shrugs his shoulders. “All they wanted to do this morning was sleep.”

“I saw”, I smirk. “Seems like they headed to bed late too, just like us.”

“Exactly. So I was hoping to tell them now, when we have lunch together. Plus, you’ll be there with me so you can tell your version of the story.”

“Yup. Actually, they’ll be dying to know about what happened, so we’ll have to retell regardless.”

“Yes. By the way, was it awkward when I left you two alone? I’m sorry I abandoned you in such a position.”

“Don’t you worry. It was fine. Like, in some way it was awkward, but not too much. There were lots of silences between us”, I say, hinting a giggle, “but they were those calm, peaceful silences. Not the awkward kind. What was awkward was knowing I was in such a situation, but that was a minor thing.”

“That’s good to hear. I had a really good time there with my pals from the Rebirth band, but don’t you think I forgot about you: I wondered how you two would be doing all the time.”

“You didn’t have to, we were fine” I smile. And it’s true.

When we reach the restaurant, a classy-looking sushi place, we find we’re not the first, nor the last to arrive: Chad and Justin, his older son, are already there, as well as Steve.

“Long time no see!” Flea rejoices. “Sometimes I forget you’re a sound assistant at all, Justin… I barely see you around.”

Justin has worked with us since we started the tour for this last album, The Getaway, and even though he’s quite young to be already in the industry, that’s mostly because he’s certainly really good at it. He’s more of a loner, and because of the age gap, he doesn’t usually join us; he prefers to skype or text his friends there in L.A. But he’s a very nice boy, and it seems he’s agreed to come with Chad today. A thought flashes through my brain: as he works in the sound department, he probably knows Finn. I make a mental note to talk to him about that as soon as possible.

“I’m an independent guy, it seems…” Justin says with a smirk. “Nah, I just prefer to get to know every alley of every city we play in. He knows how I am”, he adds, pointing to Chad.

“He’s a lost cause”, he sighs, taking a sip from his beer, which is practically empty… and they haven’t even ordered anything yet, besides drinks.

“Shall we wait for Anthony and Josh till we tell you all about last night?” I ask.

“Yeah, I don’t mind waiting”, Steve answers.

So we wait, making small talk, until the missing arrive and we order our Japanese feast.

“Well then”, Anthony begins, “what was that about? I think I’m gonna kill myself if I have to wait one more second to know about it.”

I laugh. “We won’t delay it any more, then. He did arrive late, though!”

“Yes, but we didn’t mind at all. It was like turning back time, it went really well. When he sat down it was a bit weird because he didn’t expect Amy to be there, obviously, but after a while…”

And so the meeting is rekindled between Flea and me, told with excitement to the eagerness of our audience. The reactions are quite mixed, going from doubt to joy to insecurity again, but overall they are glad John is back, they are glad John and Flea met, and I’m kind of a collateral effect, but I don’t mind because I didn’t care as much about it all as I cared about their happiness… and they seem to be happy, so my mission is completed. Josh, especially, looks very relieved: I can see he isn’t able to fully relax yet, but he has stopped biting his nails, and he’s turned into more of an observer, thinking and processing it all. He even smiles a bit. I can see what he told me, that he hasn’t got his life together at all, but he seems to be handling it so well.

Me, I’m intrigued about John. Some questions pop in my head, regarding their friendship, their band dynamics, and Josh and John’s relationship. But I let them talk; it’s their moment. I know who to ask all these questions. And I wish Finn was here, but he had some calls to make, so I guess maybe next time.

In the end, we all decide Flea should keep in touch with John, and eventually try and suggest him to meet the rest of the band. We have to tread carefully and softly, that’s what we conclude. This seems like a mission, like Clara was my own mission a few days ago. They have their own past, their own issues, and it’s their job to figure them out. But they don’t have to do this alone. Steve is here, I’m here, Justin is here. And we’ll get through this, just like we’ve done with everything so far.

[tyleroakley-obsessed]

In honor of spooky season, I thought I’d interview a Memphian who can speak to all things otherworldly. You may know Toby Sells as a journalist for the Memphis Flyer, but he’s also host to the hair-raising podcast Haint Blues and organizer for the Memphis Bigfoot Festival, which is tomorrow (Saturday, Oct. 26th) at Memphis Made from 2 p.m. – 6 p.m. We talked about the Fest, why the in heck there’s a Bigfoot event in Memphis, the story behind the stories of Haint Blues, and about the upcoming Crosstown Paranormal Expo, which is on Tuesday, Oct. 29th from 6 p.m. – 9 p.m. Here’s our Q&A. Holly: I want – no, need – to get some background info on this, but first I want people to get excited about tomorrow’s event: what can we expect at the 2019 Memphis Bigfoot Festival? Toby: Saturday will kick off at 2 p.m. with The Year in Bigfoot, an annual roundup of Bigfoot news stories and high-profile sightings from the previous 12 months.  Local filmmaker Clint Till will show his short film, Big and Tall. It’s a fun story about a couple of kids who bond during their search for Bigfoot. A Q&A with the director will follow. We’ll have trivia and a Bigfoot costume and cosplay contest. The Bigfoot Fashion Show is simply a chance for everyone who comes to show off their Bigfoot shirts, hats, or (almost) anything else. I’ll announce each model and they’ll take a turn on our makeshift runway. Something new this year is an extra area to watch. I wanted to give the serious Bigfoot people (like me) a quieter place to hang out. So, we’ll have full programming on the back patio of Memphis Made. The main part of the taproom will still have plenty of Bigfoot fun but will be a bit rowdier, like, y’know a craft-beer taproom. Holly: Is it family-friendly? Toby: It is totally family friendly. I know there are a ton of little Bigfooters out there. So, I made sure that my programming was G or PG. It will (hopefully) be crowded. So, parents should think about that before they come.   Holly: Sounds fun! But let’s back up at little. This is the third annual Bigfoot Fest in Memphis…Why Bigfoot? Toby: The first Memphis Bigfoot Festival was October 2017. That year was the 50th anniversary of the Patterson-Gimlin film (below) which remains the very best piece of Bigfoot evidence. There were a ton of Bigfoot festivals and 50th anniversary celebrations happening in the Pacific Northwest and I wanted to go. Instead, I thought, why not just have one here. I had no idea what that meant. My friends at Memphis Made looked at me a little sideways when I asked if I could do a Bigfoot festival there. But they agreed. I honestly thought (worried) that the festival would be me and, like, a four guys sitting around drinking beer. But when the first festival opened, Memphis Made was packed, at least 200-300 people. Holly: Does that mean there’s a Memphis “Bigfoot” community? Are there any other Bigfoot Fests in other cities? Toby: There are a ton of Bigfoot festivals and conferences around the country and a ton have been added in the last few years. This year was the first-ever (and huge) Smoky Mountain Bigfoot Conference in Pigeon Forge. There’s another new one called the Tennessee Bigfoot Conference on Friday in Kingsport. But I am proud to report that the Memphis Bigfoot Festival was the state’s very first Bigfoot festival. To my knowledge, the Bigfoot community here is a bit scattered, less organized than in big-time Bigfoot areas, like Washington state. There is a Mid-South Sasquatch group on Facebook and it’s pretty interesting. I knew there were other Bigfoot folks like me around here. So, I kinda hoped the festival would smoke them out and we could all sort of find each other. It worked and I have made several great friends at the festival. Toby Sells. Photo used with permission. Holly: What’s your connection to Bigfoot? Toby: As a kid, I stayed over with a friend and we watched The Legend of Boggy Creek. It’s a docu-drama about a Bigfoot in Fouke, Arkansas called (fittingly enough) the Fouke Monster. I didn’t know Bigfoots lived in the South. It terrified me. After the movie, my friend asked me to look outside at something with him. I was a kid. So, I went. He quickly shut the door behind me and locked me out there with nothing but the dark woods where — I was sure — Bigfoot lurked, watching me, waiting to tear me limb by limb. I don’t know why, but after that I fell into a Bigfoot rabbit hole. And I never came out. Holly: Some friend that guy was! It sounds like that milding traumatic experience was the beginning of your interest in the Southern supernatural, which your podcast explores even more. You’ve told tales about everything from Bigfoot (of course) to Mississippi aliens to NASCAR curses. How did you decide to create the Haint Blues podcast?  Today: My show marries a bunch of stuff I love — podcasts, strange tales, research, writing, and the American South. I love shows like Lore and Unexplained and wanted a show like Haint Blues but couldn’t really find what I was looking for. So, I made one (and, again, had no idea what I was getting into). Haint blue is an array of blue paint colors. Many Southern porch ceilings (like mine) are painted in haint blue. Benjamin Moore even has a haint blue line of paints. But the tradition started with the enslaved Gullah Geechee people of the Sea Isles. They painted their porches haint blue to ward off evil spirits. (Ed. Note: He’s got an episode on this.) I launched the show in November 2018. Since then, I have posted 12 episodes, around six hours of programming. With each episode, I want to draw listeners into a quiet, Southern corner of the internet and tell them a tale. As I say on the show, the stories on Haint Blues are real. That is, the stories exist out there in newspapers, oral traditions, diaries and more even if you don’t believe in ghosts, Bigfoot, or UFOs. I research each episode with a journalist’s eye on detail and credibility. I write them and tell those stories to entertain but I also hope folks learn about Southern culture along the way. Holly: Told any Memphis tales on the podcast? Toby: Memphis gets many a mention on the show. One of the country’s first organized Bigfoot hunts left out of Memphis to search for a wild man in the woods around Crowley’s Ridge. Mary, the ghost girl at The Orpheum, gets a section in an upcoming episode. Memphis featured also in the story of Robert Johnson selling his soul to the devil. Holly: What’s your favorite tale you’ve told on Haint Blues? Toby: My favorite is the Pascagoula UFO abduction story. Two blue-collar fellows go fishing after work and are abducted by aliens. Their bodies are studied by the strange beings aboard a spaceship. Then, they’re plunked right back down on the bank of the Pascagoula River. The men go to the police, fearing a full-scale alien invasion is at hand. They’re largely laughed at but they never changed their story in decades of telling it. I like it because the men were regular, honest people with nothing to gain from such a story. There was some news on the story, too. Earlier this year more witnesses to events that night came forward. Also, the state of Mississippi erected a historical marker at the abduction site. (Ed. Note: This Mississippi tale is also one of my favorites. It’s in the 2nd episode.) Holly: Did you specifically choose to focus on Southern stories because of your amazing accent? Toby: Ha! And thank you. I’d never done any voice-over or narration work before the show. I knew the show needed to sound Southern, but not corn pone. So, I worked (and worried) for a long time early on to balance it. In the end, tough, I just went on there and talked like I talk, which is country as cornbread. So, if you got it, flaunt it. I’ll never be asked to voice a documentary on space exploration, but turns out I have the exact right tools for a show on Southern ghosts and monsters. The show is about the South because I love the South. I was afraid Southern paranormal may be too niche a topic for a regularly running show. Turns out, the more you look for weird stuff in the South, the more you find. Holly: Let’s talk about that Paranormal Expo. (Again, readers, it’s this Tuesday night at Crosstown taproom.) Toby: The Crosstown Paranormal Expo’s main draw is a chance to hear from some of the city’s best paranormal research groups — Historical Haunts, Memphis Ghost Hunters, and Memphis Empath Paranormal Society. They’ll do panel discussions and show some of their ghost-hinting gear and some of the evidence they’ve collected over the years. Spooky stuff. I’ll perform a live episode of Haint Blues and drink some of those amazing Crosstown Brewing beers. The Memphis Ghostbusters will also be there with ghost traps and proton packs at the ready, y’know, just in case anything ghosty goes down.   View this post on Instagram   A post shared by Kevin L. Williams (@kevin_muley) on Oct 19, 2019 at 10:50am PDT Go There: Memphis Bigfoot Festival Memphis Made Taproom Saturday, Oct. 26 from 2 p.m. to 6 p.m. (stay after for the Monster Mash dance party!) Free, all ages Crosstown Paranormal Expo Crosstown Brewing Taproom Tuesday, Oct. 29 from 6 p.m. to 9 p.m. Free, all ages Haint Blues Podcast – on Stitcher – on iTunes – on Twitter Are you a home owner in Memphis, with a broken garage door? Call ASAP garage door today at 901-461-0385 or checkout https://ift.tt/1B5z3Pc

https://ilovememphisblog.com/2019/10/toby-sells-talks-bigfoot-festival-paranormal-expo-and-the-spooky-haint-blues-podcast/

[dy1kjxxa-blog]

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