#ep. conversion

[dr-futbol-blog]

The Long Goodbye, Pt. 14

Phoebus has just ordered Teyla to kill Thalen and Sheppard with him, and because she now reiterates her "or else," this is when Sheppard finally discovers what is actually at stake here. For Thalen it makes no difference, he does not care about anyone or anything else but killing Phoebus -- or at the very least surviving her attempt at killing him, thus ending their war in a stalemate. But Sheppard cares, knowing many of the people personally and being responsible for all of them, their safety and security. If previously Thalen and Sheppard had both agreed when they had flippantly told Teyla to just ignore her, this is when Sheppard would start screaming inside his head in earnest. Even though we see no change on his face, Thalen in complete control of his body, Sheppard would definitely have a problem with this. And note that again, even though no one is speaking just then, we see McKay looking up into the distance as though he is listening to something.

Phoebus: Kill him now, or I vent halon fire suppressant into all the living spaces in Atlantis. Caldwell: McKay? McKay: I know, I know. I'm almost done here. Teyla: Colonel, can she do this? Chuck: Yes. She's created a shunt between the fire suppressant system and life support. Caldwell: I believe so. Teyla: How many people are at risk? Caldwell: Three-quarters of the expedition.

If Sheppard is screaming inside Thalen's head, trying to get heard, he would likely be trying to say something like TEYLA, YOU GOT TO DO IT, given that she is immediately involved with the situation, or RODNEY, STOP HER, given that we know Sheppard has absolute faith in McKay's abilities and this venting of halon fire suppressant into the living spaces sounds like something McKay should be able to keep her from doing. The latter seems more likely because although he would rather give up his life than have hundreds of people die for him, he may not be quite "there" yet with needing his friend and colleague to shoot him dead. It was only now that the full scope of the problem they were facing had even been revealed to him.

Now, we keep seeing McKay do this, stopping very obviously to listen. It is possible he is merely listening to the exchange as he can hear it from the security camera feed (even though, as pointed out, no one was talking when he had stopped to listen this time), and certainly the fact that it is the life of his lover that is on the line would grab his attention. They are discussing Sheppard, the woman who is holding the whole city hostage demanding that he be killed immediately. It is understandable that McKay would find this mighty distracting. And yet there must be some reason we were told that no one could hear Weir screaming inside Phoebus' head but it is left ambiguous whether Sheppard had the same experience as her.

Because whether it is inside his head or with his ears, McKay is attuned to Sheppard. His entire focus should be on cracking the system to save all the people in the city but for him, Sheppard is more important. Teyla asks how many lives are at stake like it is a rational calculus of how many lives can be exchanged for one where McKay would never need to ask that. Sheppard is the most important thing in his life bar none. Note also that McKay claims to be nearly done with something that was supposed to take him hours to accomplish. Either Phoebus using Weir's knowledge of the system had vastly underrated McKay's abilities, which seems unlikely, or McKay is getting some kind of help in cracking the system, and it is not necessary that he even realizes this is happening himself.

Teyla: Why are you doing this? Phoebus: I have spent my entire life at war with his world. Thousands have died with no hope for victory, both sides reduced to a mere handful of fighters. If he really is the last, then in the end my people will have won.

Whether she is doing this consciously to play for time, to give McKay time to hack his way into the system (and it is not entirely clear Teyla even knows what they are trying to do, having been out of the loop and only given instructions by Caldwell) or she just wants to know, Teyla does the thing that Beckett had suggested Caldwell try on for size earlier: she tries talking to her. And whether it is the intended consequence or not, this moment is important enough for Phoebus to start speechifying, hence running down the clock. It is a grandiose oration, worthy of the end of their long war. She is speaking for all of her people, all the lives that they had lost along the way. Note that Thalen does not say anything, merely looking up at Teyla with what he intends to be sincere eyes. If is difficult to know what he is thinking, what kind of strategy he is devising to use, but given that he is tied up, we have seen Sheppard use both manipulation and charm in such situations, to use his skills in psychological warfare.

It could be that he is not sure which one of them to start working over, which one would be easier to get to. Teyla with her gun is the immediate problem but Phoebus is the bigger problem and while Thalen does not care about the three quarters of the expedition she is holding hostage, he realizes that Teyla does. For Sheppard, the three quarters of the expedition are much more important and where Thalen is trying to devise a plan to save his own ass, Sheppard wants to save the people, not necessarily even knowing whether McKay is among those people or not. This is where Sheppard might start screaming inside his head for Teyla, who of course cannot hear him. Sheppard does not want to die but he cannot take all of those lives on his conscience either. Teyla is going to have to do the right thing. The hard thing. He does not envy her.

Thalen: Don't believe her! Phoebus: Believe me when I say I have absolutely nothing to lose. In a very short time, I will feel excruciating pain, this body will convulse, and I will cease to exist. That's what is ahead for me. All I can hope for now is to achieve victory for my people. Teyla: Phoebus, your people are long dead. Who lost or won a war so many years ago does not matter. Phoebus: It matters to me.

Thalen tells Teyla not to believe what Phoebus is saying and to be fair, she has been lying to them from the very beginning. This too is something that Thalen and Sheppard might both say to Teyla since, through Thalen, Sheppard now probably knows the truth about their war. We never learn the backstory beyond her version of their history. Whether her version matches the events or she is putting a spin on them, what is obvious is that she is using Weir's skills as a diplomat and a negotiator here, delivering this speech like she might once have delivered an address at the UN. Thalen likely does not care one whit what Teyla believes but it is important for him to destabilize the hold Phoebus seems to have on her, having convinced Teyla that she is in charge of the situation. Even though we are not watching Weir and Sheppard go against each other, the alien entities are making use of their respective gifts and giving us a taste of what it might be if the two actually were forced to work against each other.

It is obvious that Teyla does not want to do what Phoebus is demanding she do, and is trying her damnedest to talk her out of it using her own skills as a negotiator, as someone who has brokered many deals. in Trinity (S02E06) she had told Ronon: "A negotiation is a delicate process -- the words spoken are often meaningless." Here, Teyla is trying to make her feel seen and heard, to acknowledge her anguish in the hope that they might be able to find a peaceable solution to their conflict -- but she is far beyond reason. And yet Phoebus' line "It matters to me" is interesting here, especially if we recognize that it has been months since Sheppard and McKay had fallen apart. It has been such a long time that it should not matter who was right and who was wrong. They should let bygones be bygones. McKay seems to have forgiven Sheppard after the events of Trinity but it seems like Sheppard is still holding on to some hurt, perhaps McKay asking him for more time, some words that had been spoken. What ever it is, he is unable to let go.

Thalen: If you kill me, you'll kill him. He cares for you more than you know. Teyla: Please do not make me do this.

Many people have noted the fact that we get a close-up of McKay following Thalen's line to Teyla, his face in anguish. Even though he has been doing this, freezing in place to stop and listen, ever since Thalen had regained consciousness, it is especially noticeable here. Even the mainstream interpretation is that McKay is jealous but for them this jealousy is motivated by friendship. Whether or not one interprets the relationship between Sheppard and Teyla as having romantic undertones or just being friendly, the implication is that McKay is jealous of their connection. That McKay is somehow being slighted here.

In this episode, we have been given the opportunity to see the special connection Sheppard has with Ronon and now his special connection with Teyla and if one goes on only by the maintext, one has to come to the conclusion that he simply lacks this with McKay, that they do not have a special bond that is "deeper than words." There is very little indication in the episode that they even like each other, there is scoffing over television at the start, McKay whining about Weir's imprinting not being his fault and Sheppard telling him to quit his bellyaching, McKay throwing a sarcastic quip at Sheppard before he goes under and then shooting him with the gun that Sheppard had given to him for reasons that must be inexplicable for the mainstream viewer. And now McKay is upset that Sheppard cares about someone else more than him when he so yearns for that friendship.

Let us start with the fact that Thalen is saying this to Teyla because he is trying to manipulate her. He can tell, both by what he has been watching and what he knows through Sheppard, that Teyla is a very empathetic person. Teyla cares about him and does not want to kill him, and he can work with that. He is trying to make Teyla feel sympathy for him, trying to forge a bond between the two of them, between Thalen and Teyla, through the fact that they both care about Sheppard's well-being. They both want Sheppard to live, so they should work together. But even though it is Thalen saying this, it does not mean that what he says is untrue. This likely is what Sheppard thinks. He is not very expressive of his feelings so caring about her more than she knows is a low bar, but Sheppard cares about her a lot. Their conversation in Sateda (S03E04) is basically a confirmation of this. Sheppard tells Teyla that she is like family to him. We have no reason to think that what Thalen is saying that Sheppard feels here is a lie.

However, while many mainstream viewers will jump directly to romance (Do not pass go!) because it is a man and a woman, nowhere is it said that what Sheppard feels toward her has any romantic undertones. There are many ways to care about people, and Sheppard cares for her as a good friend, the first friend that he had made in this galaxy and probably the first friend he had made in a long time. But we also have no reason whatsoever to think that Sheppard was lying at the end of Conversion (S02E08) when he told her that he does not think of her like that, and she also seemed relieved to hear this. They are friends, nothing more, which is also how Teyla had also described her relationship with Ronon.

Their conversation in Sateda made it clear that while he considers Teyla, Ronon and McKay all his family, McKay is in a whole other category to the others. As McKay stops what he is doing to listen to this exchange, hearing Thalen speak words that he has longed to hear from Sheppard for a long time, he is not motivated by friendship. That is not why it looks like this hurts him to hear. Teyla and McKay have very similar expressions here, they are both in as much anguish and it is because Teyla is not the only one asked to make a tough choice here. While what Thalen says is true of what Sheppard feels for Teyla, it is also absolutely true of what he feels for McKay. He cares for McKay more than he will ever know, more than he can even understand. But he is also trying actively to keep McKay from knowing how much he cares.

As we have discussed during the several previous episodes, Sheppard is not very good at expressing his feelings. He is not good at verbalizing his emotions, and probably does not even know how to name them. Coming from a childhood home where caring was probably shown through cool detachment, having lost his mother when he was young, being cared for by nannies and shipped off to private schools, Sheppard is severely emotionally stunted. In Outcast (S04E15), his ex-wife makes a comment about knowing him, making it seem like it is unfortunate that she does know him as well as she does. Their main problem seems to have been the fact that Sheppard did not want to be in the marriage because he had only married her to please his father, but they probably had other problems as well. Later he tells Ronon that he was not very good at marriage. At least he is self-aware about all that.

Sheppard and McKay fell in love during the first season, and they both definitely had recognized what it was they felt by Letters from Pegasus (S01E17). But it seems like to this episode they have never neither of them spoken the "L-word". In fact, it is not until Tao of Rodney (S03E14) that the word is spoken between them and even there they need Weir to function as an intermediary, which we have seen her do before. We'll get back to that episode (and why Sheppard decides to make the moment as awkward as possible) later but just to reiterate something I've written previously, the conversation between Weir and McKay at the end of the episode seems to reflect something that had likewise taken place between Sheppard and McKay that we never got to see. And yet the episode confirms that the word was now out there, it had been spoken. McKay was not wrong in thinking that it took him nearly dying to get Sheppard to say it. McKay yearns for that verbal confirmation of meaning something to Sheppard, acknowledgement of his importance, of being chosen by him. And here, listening to him speak the words to Teyla that he has been longing to hear for months and months, it feels to him like he is again not being chosen. Someone else is being chosen in his stead.

But McKay hears him say these words. That much is obvious. And yet Sheppard probably does not want to say them. It has to be killing him to hear Thalen say something like that without his consent. What Sheppard is thinking inside his head we do not know but let us recall that McKay had said to him before he had gone under that he thought this might have been a way for "two survivors to say one last goodbye," for lovers to say farewell, and while Sheppard never wants to say goodbye, it is something that McKay very much desires. He is forced to keep quiet and listen to this when any moment could be the last, when any breath Sheppard takes could be his last, and he is unable to say anything to him. McKay is not allowed to say goodbye to him.

Also, let us recognize the fact that although Thalen could have outed Sheppard easily during this episode, he never does it because this is not about Sheppard, this is about him not getting killed by Phoebus. Even if Sheppard was thinking about McKay inside his head, of wanting to get some message to him, wanting to say anything to him, Thalen has no incentive to relay his messages. He is not speaking for Sheppard here, he is speaking for himself. He is driving his own agenda. Sheppard's big illicit gay love affair is of no concern to him. McKay had shot him. He wants to keep Sheppard as far away from McKay as possible and he is certainly not about to pass him a note with Sheppard's final words on it. That is not what this is about.

Although Thalen is speaking of what Sheppard feels for Teyla, inside his head Sheppard has to be thinking about McKay because he is always thinking about McKay. He is thinking about McKay's safety and his well-being, not wanting him to die suffocating on halon gas. He might also be holding on to hope that McKay will be able to save him because he has always come through for him. If Sheppard is screaming anything inside his head, it has to be a variation of what he is always telling McKay, RODNEY, WORK FASTER.

Thalen: You don't have to. Phoebus: Shoot him, or I release the gas and just hope it reaches the both of you. Caldwell: She has the capability of doing what she claims. Teyla... I'm not gonna tell you what to do. Phoebus: I am. Kill him.

Teyla is in a difficult situation, many people making demands on her at the same time. She is undoubtedly faced with a very difficult moral dilemma. She is kind of like the goat between the two bails of hay, Phoebus and Thalen both trying to tug at her, to get her do what they want. And as they both tell her what to do, Caldwell leaves the choice to her. This is not an act of kindness because if she was a member of the Earth military, it would be Caldwell's duty to give her the order to either comply or to stand down.

That is the very reason why the military as a chain of command, that soldiers are free to comply with orders without having to pontificate the moral implications of their choices. That is the totalizing nature of the military apparatus, it is meant to vanish the individual in service to the whole. This is not an act of kindness on Caldwell's part but an acknowledgement that he has no jurisdiction over her, especially when it comes to killing the actual commander of this operation. He cannot give the order to kill Sheppard, but he also cannot give an order that will lead to the death of three quarters of the expedition, so he opts not to play and takes the easy way out. If it had been one of his space marines that had caught Sheppard, he would not have this luxury. He would have to give the order, and he would have to bear the responsibility for it. Now he is able to relinquish this responsibility to a native woman of this galaxy who seems wholly unequipped in dealing with this dilemma, this moral choice.

But let us make note of the really interesting thing here, which is that what Caldwell and Phoebus (who is narrative mirror for Sheppard) say here parallels what Weir and Sheppard had told Zelenka in Grace Under Pressure (S02E14). Weir tells him "I'm not going to order you to go" and Sheppard says "I will!" The situation is the inverse of this, as they are discussing rescuing McKay where now they are discussing killing Thalen, narrative mirror to McKay, with Caldwell filling Weir's role. Again there is a conversion of what had taken place between Sheppard and McKay. And although Sheppard's intention was to rescue McKay, he seemed more than willing to sacrifice both his own and Zelenka's life to do it. Thalen is shown sitting down on the floor with his hands tied, not unlike McKay stuck in the rear compartment of the jumper unable to do anything but wait to be rescued. This exchange seems to more than confirm how Phoebus and Thalen have been used as narrative mirrors, and the roles that they bear.

Note again that as Phoebus gives the order, we see McKay stop what he is doing entirely. He now gives Caldwell a look that is part anger and part betrayal. He is pleading for Caldwell to do something when it is he that is meant to be doing something to remedy this situation. His face is saying how can you let her? If he had been able to focus on hacking the system, he might have been able to get in earlier but he seems very much distracted by what he hears is taking place in the camera feed.

There is also the possibility that McKay is channelling Sheppard here, that his expression is due to what Sheppard is thinking about Caldwell's decision not to give the order to Teyla, understanding the implications. If there is anyone that gets what Caldwell does here, shirking his responsibility because he is disinclined to make the tough call possibly due to his own recent experiences and because the whole purpose of his visit had been to make amends. But Sheppard gets that this is an insult to Teyla, this is the same thing Bates had been doing, which was to refuse to see her as a full member of this operation. She is a part of Sheppard's team and if he was in the same situation, he would give the order because that is his responsibility. By giving the order, he would make it easier for her. He would take the bigger portion or her burden to carry for himself. So the fact that McKay looks mad as he glances at Caldwell, this probably matches what Sheppard is feeling right now precisely.

Thalen: Sheppard doesn't believe you'll do it. Teyla: Forgive me, John.

Thalen is looking up at Teyla saying nothing, likely trying to feverishly think of something that might get him and with him Sheppard out of this predicament. For some reason, we keep getting shots of McKay as though his situation, McKay's hackathon, is just as intense as what is happening with Teyla. In the beginning of the episode they had spotted what they thought were two "ships," one in a lower orbit than the other, and this whole scene is a masterclass in using a relationship in the maintext, here a close friendship between a man and a woman, to run cover for the relationship in the subtext that could never be textualized. It is really not that subtle at all when you know to look for it. McKay is in this scene with them because that is his rightful place. What ever decision Teyla makes, it does not just affect her and Sheppard, it very much affects McKay.

Thalen tells Teyla that Sheppard does not think she will do it, and again it is possible he is telling the truth. It is possible that it is what Sheppard thinks, but the tone in which Sheppard thinks it is probably very different from Thalen. Thalen sounds almost gleeful, as though he has figured out something important. For Sheppard, thinking that Teyla will not be able to do it likely comes from a place of despair. We noted earlier that there is a difference between someone that is unable to shoot you because they love you and someone who is capable of shooting you when they know that not doing it would cost you your soul. Sheppard would never be able to live with three quarters of the expedition dying because of him on his conscience, and he has to be silently begging for Teyla to take the shot. But he does not think she has it in her, as tough as she is.

She cares about him very much but she does not know her as well as a lover would. He had given his gun to McKay before agreeing to go under because he wanted McKay to have something to protect himself with if things went South, and to shoot him if it ever came down to that. If the alien had been about to use his body to do something that Sheppard could not live with, he gave the gun to McKay so that he would take him out. We do not know what McKay would have done in this situation, but we did already see him shoot at Sheppard just like Sheppard had meant for him to do. Whether or not he did it because of some mental push from Sheppard is irrelevant because either way, he was doing what Sheppard wanted him to do. Even if it killed him -- and it probably would -- McKay would always try to do what Sheppard wanted him to do. Sheppard never needs to give him orders because fulfilling his wishes is what McKay desires. So Sheppard does not think that Teyla will do it but he wishes that she could. This is a state of affairs that makes Thalen gleeful and Sheppard anguished.

In calling Sheppard John, Teyla is again bringing the episode back to Conversion (S0208) where Teyla had been forced to shoot at Sheppard because in his bug form he had been advancing on her, having already assaulted her once. She told him, "Please do not make me do this" but even though he had been threatening her life, she had only been able to fire on the floor in front of him in an attempt at scaring him to back off. Even when Sheppard had been a threat to her own life, Teyla had been unable to shoot him even just to injure him. And it is possible that it is for that very reason that Sheppard now thinks that she won't be able to do it this time either. Earlier Thalen had told Ronon that he was the only one he could trust not to shoot him on sight, but it may actually be Teyla that he can trust not to shoot him, how ever much Sheppard would now like him to.

So, if we look at each member of Sheppard's team and what they likely would have done in this situation, Ronon probably would not only have not shot Sheppard, he would have let any number of people die to save his life. His loyalty is to Sheppard and he would not have felt any kind of way about sacrificing people to save him even if it would have destroyed Sheppard to know so many would have died for him. Ronon would have sacrificed the others. Teyla, as we see, is unable to make the choice. She cannot shoot him but she cannot sacrifice the others either, so she winds up in the same situation as Ronon but through inaction. She is unable to choose, so he is saved and the others die. If McKay was in the same situation, he would have faced the authentic "Trolley problem" because there would not have been anyone working to "Kobyashi Maru" the situation, like he is doing for Teyla now. He would have had to choose between actively killing Sheppard or letting hundreds of innocents die, knowing that Sheppard would not have wanted either one of them to have to live with their lives on their conscience. And McKay both knows Sheppard well enough and loves him deep enough that he would have made the decision he knows Sheppard would have wanted him to make, regardless of the personal cost to him. That is why Sheppard had given him his own gun.

We may recall that one of the first things Sheppard had been forced to do when he had come to this galaxy was to take the life of his own commanding officer as an act of mercy, convinced that it is what the man would have wanted him to do. Later, when describing the event to Colonel Everett, Colonel Sumner's close friend, they have the following exchange:

Sheppard: By the time I reached Colonel Sumner— Everett: Worse, you admit to firing the shot that killed him. Sheppard: Because I believe that's what he wanted me to do. Everett: You knew him that well, did you? Sheppard: You weren't there, sir. Everett: I wish, for his sake, I was.

The implication here is that because Everett knows that he knew Sumner better than Sheppard, he would have tried harder to save him and would not have taken his life, thinking that Everett would never have wanted to be shot even though Sheppard is correct that in the situation he had been in, beyond saving and in excruciating pain, he was with his eyes pleading for Sheppard to do the kind thing even knowing that he had not earned the man's kindness and was owed only his obedience. But Sumner was not in a position to make it an order and so Sheppard had to make a choice, and he was the one who had to bear the responsibility. It is a heavy burden to bear, and he tells Everett: "There isn't a night that doesn't go by where that moment doesn't play in my head…" Later on, after Everett has had a personal experience that had given him only a taste of what Sumner had suffered, they revisit the conversation:

Everett: I... owe you an apology. Sheppard: No, sir, you don't. Everett: I think I have a pretty good idea. I would have done the same thing as you did when you found Colonel Sumner. It's what I wanted to tell you. Sheppard: Well, none of that matters right now, sir. Everett: I'm trying to say... I wish you had been there for me.

Everett is basically telling him the same as Phoebus had just told Teyla, "It matters to me." It had never been that Everett was not prepared to do the same for his fiend, only that he had underestimated the wraith as an adversary. He had not understood what they were up against. But now that he understood, he knew that he would have done the same and he tells Sheppard, even though he survived, that he wishes someone had been there to do the same for him. The merciful thing. The kind thing. The thing you do when you really love someone is to let them go when it is better for them and not hold onto them selfishly because you cannot bear to let them go.

If there is anyone who knows how Sheppard feels about this, it is McKay. If there is anyone he has talked with about any of this, it is McKay. If there is anyone who knows his last will and testament, it is McKay. It is McKay who he considers his next of kin, who he considers the person who should be the one to make medical decisions for him when he is unable to do them for himself even when he has no official capacity to be this for him. He wants McKay to be this. And McKay had already shot him. Twice. McKay has always come through for him even if he now suddenly seems to have trouble even reading the code on his screen through the tears in his eyes.

Continued in Pt. 15

[a-grayscale-galaxy]

Shout out to whichever editor saw Murph’s soft ass face when Emily was talking about Marya being scared of taking the wheel and said enhance….. yeah it’s going in

[lonelyzarquon]

[not-athing]

Sherlock (the BBC modern adaptation) referencing their fans: they're annoying (derogatory)

Doctor who referencing their fans: they're annoying (affectionate)

[mlobsters]

j2 okcon 2025 / supernatural s3e7 fresh blood (w. sera gamble) / s11e4 baby (w. robbie thompson)

-> scenes jared and jensen are most proud of, full answers here

[buckingham-ashtray]

The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson (1983), SO4E02, “The Treasures of Agra” (part 2)

I know ppl have posted this scene over and over before but I just.

[str1wberry7thyme]

How I imagine Joel’s immediate reaction in the winners space after seeing Scott walk in for the SECOND TIME

[lightgamble]

DAREDEVIL: BORN AGAIN | 1.09

Nothin' in this world a good cup of coffee can't fix.

[lifemod17]

THIS IS NOT A DRILL: 'NFWMB' in the year of our lord 2024!!!

Madison, WI won so hard tonight !!!

PLEASE he sounds so good and the little pause he does after that "ain't you my baby"?? I AM ABOUT TO DO SOMETHING DRASTIC

🎥: sarahmarieg0926 | tiktok

Madison, WI || 08/16/2024

@melit0n MEL!! YOUR SONG!!

[gunsatthaphan]

[I'm starting a new chapter. I learned that every time one story ends, the next begins. one that's more fun, better and and happier.]

[diamondvic]

Uzi being comfortable with V in the finale is so so funny. Includes her in the little secret handshake without a second thought and without even looking. Feels secure enough to both bat away V's gun at first and THEN lean back on it while steadfastly ignoring her. Like girl you're not concerned at all. You knew she wouldn't kill you. No you're SMUG about her having to accept it's you. You affectionately start punching her afterwards. Ok Uzi Doorman. I’m glad you’re like this

[dr-futbol-blog]

The Long Goodbye, Pt. 12

Things start heating up as Phoebus contacts Caldwell and begins making threats, acutely aware that she is running out of time. It is quite possible that she is making use of Weir's expertise as a diplomat and negotiator here, knowing how to drive a hard bargain. Although Weir had warned Caldwell -- more than once -- that he does not want her as an enemy, it is not his first rodeo either. Caldwell is standing behind McKay as he is working on overriding her lockdown command, and although we have often seen Sheppard hover around McKay as he works, Sheppard tends to want to stand in front of his face so that he can see McKay. Caldwell also has his pelvis very obviously turned away from McKay in a way that Sheppard's seldom is. In fact, we have never seen Sheppard position himself like this around McKay, Caldwell very obviously leaning away.

Phoebus: Caldwell. Can you hear me? Caldwell: Go ahead. Phoebus: By now you're aware the city is entirely under my control, and there are several bulkhead doors between me and your nearest search teams. You can't possibly get to me. Caldwell: Yes, we're well aware. Phoebus: I'm sure Doctor McKay believes he can override my command code -- and it's possible in a matter of several hours he could, but I don't have that kind of time. Caldwell: We'd be more than happy to wait this out.

I invite you to take notice of the fact that although McKay is hard at work, knowing that lives may depend on him completing this task, when Phoebus speaks his name, he stops typing and looks up, paying attention. He seems almost frozen in place when his attention is focused by someone mentioning him by name, and Phoebus is not even talking to him, he is talking about him. It is natural for people to perk up when they hear their own name being spoken.

This is interesting because we see McKay do this same thing several times when they have Thalen on camera, and we have to ask the question of whether he is able to hear his name being spoken (or thought of) then too. Here, Phoebus' tone is derisive, and although we do not know where she is basing her assessment of it taking several hours for McKay to crack the system, the information must come from Weir. The timeframe that she gives here does not seem to be arbitrary, and they are clearly dealing with a complicated system, so we also have to raise the question of how exactly McKay is then able to get in so quickly.

Phoebus: Now who knows what kind of trouble I could cause with life support while I wait? Or maybe I'll just send a signal to the wraith, like you did. Caldwell: What do you want? Phoebus: I want Sheppard. Caldwell: Well, I'm sorry I can't help you with that. Is there something else I can do for you? Phoebus: Don't screw with me, Caldwell. At the very least, I can kill Weir. When you get him, contact me.

Weir and Caldwell have had several heart-to-heart conversations and it is entirely possible Caldwell has a soft spot for her. Weir also seems to have a good understanding of the kind of man Caldwell is, able to use the guilt he still feels regarding recent events against him. In fact, at the start of the episode Caldwell had told her that his purpose here was to make amends, so we are shown that they both know each other fairly well. There is emotion involved. Note that Caldwell relents when Phoebus tells him that she is holding Weir hostage.

There might also be some meta commentary here about people wanting to see a relationship or at least some of that unresolved tension between Weir and Sheppard, as would have been traditional on network television, and the writers are telling these people "I'm sorry, I can't help you with that" because that is not what this is about, that is not the story they are telling.

Chuck: Colonel Caldwell. We have three signals on two separate floors at the base of the tower. Caldwell: Weir has to be the one in the Science Lab, which leaves these other two over here. Chuck: The other one is Teyla. Caldwell: Then the other one has to be Sheppard. Teyla, this is Caldwell. Teyla: I was unable to capture Doctor Weir. Caldwell: So were a lot of people. Weir's put the city under a lockdown. I want you to go after Sheppard. You and he have been locked in the same section. He's one floor up. Teyla: I will contact you as soon as I have him. Teyla out.

So, the thing to note here is that the Canadian technician is able to locate Sheppard using the biometric sensors that are only even functional because McKay had been able to switch the power back on, and this biometric sensor is very much something that McKay had worked together on with Peter Grodin and its current manifestation is almost entirely his handiwork. Also in contrast to McKay earlier, who seemed to use more intuition in locating Sheppard, Chuck has now landed on his position using deductive reasoning. Also relevant for later is this: Teyla tells Caldwell that he was unable to capture Weir and Caldwell lumps her together with "a lot of people" who had been unable to do the same.

But now that they send her to go after Sheppard, we have to acknowledge the fact that the only reason she is able to find him is because they give her an assist here. They tell her where Sheppard is. And because the information comes to her through the double filter of from Chuck to Caldwell and from Caldwell to Teyla, and that you would have to remember McKay working on the biometric sensor so long ago to begin with, very much obscures the fact that Teyla is only able to capture Sheppard because of McKay. Had it not been for him, she would have continued rubbing her neck alone at the base of the tower without ever figuring out that Sheppard was one level up from her. Teyla is literally instructed on what to do by Caldwell. It is not because she has any special insight into how Sheppard thinks that she is able to accomplish this.

Thalen: Is this what you wanted, Phoebus? Another stalemate? I thought you wanted to finish this. Phoebus: What's wrong, Thalen? You can't get out?

From what we can see on the biometric sensor, Thalen had been able to get pretty close to Phoebus, only separated from her by a few bulk head doors. If Phoebus is feeling like she is running out of time, we can tell that Thalen is definitely running out of time because Sheppard sounds to be out of breath as he seethes with anger here, and it is not caused by his sprint or any other physical exertion. Thalen had been in worse condition than Phoebus when they got him out of the pod, and it seems that is why his imprinting is also shorter in duration than that of Phoebus. This seems to be creating a sense of urgency in him, and so he even tries to talk Phoebus in engaging with him, tries goading her to come at him. Phoebus does not take the bait and even goads him herself, her "You can't get out?" spoken in a tone that suggests she is taking a jab at his manhood. She is speaking the words like she was actually saying "What's wrong, you can't get it up?"

If we again convert what the two of them are saying. McKay definitely does not want the two of them to end up in a stalemate that never gets resolved, and he does not want to finish or end anything between them, he wants them to work things out. Phoebus's taunting about Thalen being unable to get out is also the polar opposite of Sheppard going out of his way to get McKay out of the bind he was in on the bottom of the sea. There might also be a reference to outing and coming out of hiding in here. Note also that again Sheppard and McKay are basically doing the same thing at the same time: they are both trying to get in. McKay is trying to force his way into the computer system that she has locked him out of and Sheppard, although not voluntarily, is trying to get in physically to where she has locked him out. The need to get in is something that both of them are experiencing at the same time.

Teyla: This is Teyla. I have Colonel Sheppard. Caldwell: Good work. Secure him and stand by for further instructions. The next move is hers.

Figuring that there is more than one way to skin a cow, Thalen decides to use Ronon's blaster to break the door locking mechanism to force himself out, and for some unfathomable reason he decides to do this not to the door that he was originally trying to open, which has the same mechanism, but to another door that would have led him away from Phoebus. It is a curious decision and he seemed to get the idea just as she was mocking him about not being able to get out. What gave him the inspiration or even the know-how we do not know but McKay is surely trying more than one way of getting into the system currently. Regardless, Thalen tries to pry his way through the door and we may note that he pushes his injured, probably smarting arm through first and hence is not looking, not expecting to find anyone on the other side. It is possible that if his hand had not been injured, he would not have tried to get through the door in such an awkward a fashion, might have been able to see what was waiting for him on the other side. For some reason, they at the very least want to show him coming out with the injured arm first, reminding us of McKay.

Thalen is surprised to see Teyla waiting for him, so he certainly did not expect to be captured by her. She is not the "only one of them" that worries him, and in fact he had been so not worried about her as to underestimate her completely, leaving her laying unconscious on the floor with no attempt whatsoever to secure her. Thalen was not concerned about Teyla, and hence we see a comical look of astonishment as she is able to take him out using the wraith stunner. And to belabour the point, Teyla would never have got to him during the lockdown had it not been for McKay. No special skill or insight into Sheppard went into this capture. Any one of Caldwell's space marines might have been able to do the same thing, she just happened to be there. Sheppard and Teyla do have a special bond, they do have a close relationship, but this is not evidence of that.

Teyla calls in her capture of Sheppard to Caldwell, and we may note again that McKay has stopped typing, and whether he is merely listening in when Sheppard is the topic of discussion or he had experienced some kind of a black out when Sheppard along with Thalen had suddenly been rendered unconscious we again do not know. However, Caldwell calls attention to McKay suddenly being rendered immobile by speaking the words "Next move is hers" while looking down at him at the same time. McKay knows he is under a time element and has to crack this thing, and yet during this whole time his work keeps coming to a halt, and the reason seems to be Sheppard every single time.

Phoebus: Caldwell? Do you have him or not? I'm losing patience. McKay: I'm working. Caldwell: We're working on it. Phoebus: I don't buy it, Colonel. Caldwell: I'm telling the truth. Phoebus: Oh, please! Even Weir thinks you're hopeless. She can't hide it. Caldwell: We're close. McKay: We're not close.

Phoebus calls in to hurry Caldwell on and this puts even further pressure on McKay. He tells Caldwell that he is working on it, and this is the third time in this episode that he says it ("Yes, working!" "Still working"). We can compare this with the previous episode during which McKay also said he was working to Sheppard while trying to come up with something that they might be able to use to save Ronon and Teyla in a pinch. They had the following exchange:

Sheppard: There's gotta be something you can do. McKay: Yeah, I'm working on it! Sheppard: Well, work faster!

What is notable about this is that Sheppard himself had been uncharacteristically demanding of McKay, needing him to produce results, needing him to come up with something and to do it even faster. As discussed in connection with the episode, this had a lot to do with Sheppard's fear as triggered by almost having come to lose McKay so very recently.

Although Sheppard does not usually treat McKay like this, what is notable here is the difference in how McKay responds. His tone is completely different when he was talking to Sheppard as opposed to how he says it to Caldwell. With Caldwell, he sounds annoyed and defensive, clearly resenting the pressure put on him. With Sheppard, he is only trying to communicate that he is attempting to do the thing Sheppard needs him to do, he is trying to deliver because doing things that Sheppard wants him to do is what gives his life meaning. There is not even a hint of annoyance or resentment in how he said it to Sheppard, the same words. And it is not even Caldwell that he resents here, it is the pressure put on his shoulders, the demand that he should be the one to fix everything again. This is precisely how Sheppard does not want him to feel like usually, which is why we so often see Sheppard try to come up with ideas and solutions for McKay to use, to show him that they are working together.

Note that although Caldwell says to Phoebus that he is telling the truth he is, in fact, lying. Not everything that people say is the truth, and we are reminded of this at the end of the episode when Weir tells Caldwell "Don't believe anything she said!" as though everything she had said had been a lie. However, what she tells Caldwell here may have more than the seed of truth in it, even if she is saying it in a way that is much meaner than Weir could ever be. Where Caldwell is lying, it is possible Phoebus is telling the truth and Weir does think he is hopeless, and at the very least this is something that Caldwell fears is the truth. Phoebus manages to use this to get under his skin. They also make reference to closeness, and we may recall that we started the episode with a "proximity alert" between Sheppard and McKay. McKay may say that they are not close -- and he is of course referring to his hacking of the system, he does not think he is anywhere near getting in yet and this is important for later -- but there are none that are closer in the whole host of people in this episode than Sheppard and McKay. Demonstrating that is the whole point of this exercise.

Phoebus: I have found an interesting way of rerouting your new halon fire suppression system all the way from Hazmat storage to personnel quarters. Now, that's where the majority of your city's population is holed up, isn't it? Caldwell: You know it is. Phoebus: Ironically, Doctor Weir was concerned when the system was installed that halon gas extinguishes people as well as fires. So, shall we take it to the point that I start counting down from an arbitrary number? Caldwell: We have him. Phoebus: I thought you might. There's a new security camera on the northern-most stairwell of that part of the tower. I want him taken there so that I can see him -- kicking and screaming, if possible.

Phoebus starts playing hardball, threatening to kill civilians, the majority of the population of the city if they do not give up Thalen, and Sheppard with him. Caldwell certainly seems to realize that she has them by the short and curlies. And even though it is the policy of the United States not to negotiate with terrorists, and he should not be doing it now that he is ranking officer in the city and has taken responsibility for the operation, Caldwell is not a bad man and seems unable to take that many lives onto his conscience. Phoebus has his back against the wall.

But take a look at McKay. He has completely stopped working, he is listening in with his whole entire attention. There is such fear on his face that we have seldom seen. We see him blink similar to when Sheppard has blinked, being at the end of his actual rope; like he blinked when he thought that McKay had died on the Ancient satellite platform. McKay is well aware that they are talking about Sheppard. He knows that they have caught Thalen and that Phoebus is demanding that he is handed over, and he knows that it is Sheppard they are talking about delivering to her. He knows Caldwell is talking about exchanging Sheppard's life to the lives of "the majority of the city's population".

McKay is afraid to do anything out of fear that what ever he might do or say might make the situation worse than it is, and it is plenty awful. We get these close-up shots of his face, of his anguish here for a reason. Because McKay dissociates, his reactions are so subtle that you might even be able to miss how deeply this is affecting him. Not even on the bottom of the ocean was he this afraid. You can see his mouth tremble, and we have seen him blink away tears that have welled up in his eyes before which is what he may be doing here, blinking so rapidly as to keep the military commander looking right at him from seeing him try his damnedest not to react while they are talking about giving over the man that he loves. He is wound so tight that his whole body seems to minutely shake with it.

Bringing it back to Conversion (S02E08), the way McKay looks here is very similar to what he looked like when Weir came in to tell them that it is time for them to say their final goodbyes to Sheppard. There was nothing more they could do and although he would not necessarily die, he would cease to exist, there would be nothing left of the Sheppard that they knew after the retrovirus had rewritten his entire genetic code. Weir had come to tell them that it was time to visit the man to say their final goodbyes whose bedside he was not allowed to stay at -- the bedside that everyone would have seen as his rightful place had they been married and he a woman. McKay is broken but because he is so loud when he is looking for sympathy and attention with scratches and scrapes, people fail to recognize that when he is truly hurt, he falls quiet and goes still. Not recognizing what his childhood trauma has done to him, these moments are easy to miss. They are subtle. He is sitting there in the commissary, wearing the shirt of the man he is asked to give up, and when you don't recognize his trauma responses, it might be easy to interpret this as the appropriate level of sad for losing a friend.

But we see the same subtle, understated response with him here. This is a man who knows that he is not allowed to show his feelings in front of the military, cannot let his breaking heart show even if the love of his life was dying because they would be able to strip him of his rank even posthumously, he would have to worry about destroying the man's legacy on top of everything else. We see two close-ups of McKay's face during this particular exchange because he is the one affected by this decision, he is the one whose consent they would require if the world was just. And he is not able to say anything. He is not allowed to say anything. No one is asking whether he consents to this or not.

McKay should be hard at work to fix this. He should be concentrating on cracking the system. But he cannot focus on anything other than Sheppard here. He looks devastated. His eyes are pleading for Caldwell to tell him that it isn't true, that there is something they can do. And even though Caldwell himself probably does not remember, one of the first things he had ever seen John Sheppard do was to look at him with the same eyes, begging him to tell him it was all a mistake, that everything was fine, was going to be alright.

If Sheppard and McKay think that Caldwell does not know, they are very much mistaken. You cannot watch these men and not know. But there is nothing that he can say to McKay now to make it better, any more than he had words to say to Sheppard then. His hands are just as bound as theirs are.

Continued in Pt. 13

[fujunfuren]

FANGS OF FORTUNE (2024)

[beaulesbian]

[zvahlne]

"i'd kill for you. please ask me to kill for you..." energy here laur

[styling-fadel]

I love how now that Kant's secrets are out in the open we can see him be more like himself, which is clearly a slightly unhinged, cheeky goof and that explains fully why he and Style are best friends.