my computer is so mad at me.
[ID: Digital art work of a landscape framed from just behind a lens from someone's glasses, light glaring from the sun. The person raises a pale arm, with a rolled up dark sleeve, to block the light. The lens flair obscures much, but the sun is peaking from behind some mountains, and cupped under the meat of the persons palm. There's a grassy field with a distant building. Closer, a fence, and young trees. There text in magenta and cyan, the other colour as drop shadow. Do you Hear ME NOW? with "Me now" in cyan, and all caps. END]
thing about me is that i do love to look into the sun.
without text under cut, incase you didnt want your mental illness walk emotional moment immortalized in art to reference the killing kind by marianastrench. for some reason.
[ID: Textless version, you can see more foliage top left, and the black hoodie, bottom right. END]
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Ephemeral Butterfly 🦋
As you open your eyes to see the hazy shadow shrouding around you
I descended from the moonlit glint
Observing you and your surroundings
Knowing my genuine purpose of seeing humans as themselves in their natural habitat
The silhouette floating in the moonlight
Says "Come closer" with a beckoning smile
I wandered like a lost little girl
Without a place to go, I hold in my arms the shards of warmth
If I have everything that I dearly treasure
As you fall asleep somewhere, A shimmery colorful butterfly will appear
Giving you pleasant dreams
Kiss the starry atmosphere, It's time for children to go to sleep
Don't gaze at me, Don't capture me
I'm a butterfly who is an ephemeral illusion
I fly freely with these twinkly colorful wings
They're concealed in your heart
My heart yearns, laced with desire
The stars illuminate, With eros in their eyes
A pleasant scent that tightened my chest
I recognize that I'm being enticed by it
You put a spell on me making me speechless
Don't gaze at me, Don't capture me
I'm a butterfly who is an ephemeral illusion
It's too lovely, It's too wonderful
The key to my heart it's going to be broken
I seek to write my own story
Even if I get blindsided by fate
I pierced through these hazes and flapped my wings to the distant odds
Don't gaze at me, Don't capture me
I'm a butterfly who is an ephemeral illusion
I fly freely with these twinkly colorful wings
They're concealed in your heart
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When the rooks were laid in piles by the sides of the road
Crashing into the aerials, tangled in the laundry lines
And, gathered in a field, they were burned in a feathering pyre
With their cold, black eyes
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walking to my grave
(or, this is what gender dysphoria feels like)
Drowning
pointless days
fitted in a strange kind of pain
contorsions, contrusions, contraptions
ice cubes pepper up a body
frosting it over
it is mine?
i have jagged teeth coming out of my cheeks
everything is in the wrong place
it's all deformed
the mirror is warped
my ears are warped
vocal chords lie ripped out on the dirty ground in a pool of blood
and they have been stomped out
2. it'sfineit'sokayi'mfine
a congregation of hatred
is what ive been reduced to
the trees and the breeze hold no sway over me
anymore
the snow on the ground and the disease on my clothes
both pound at me to stay indoors
3. Your Existence is Wrong
bones are breaking and cracking and shaking
begging to portrude the weak skin they reside in
ugly stupid flesh with disgusting fucking needs
im too young to understand it all
i dont hold wisdom and i never will
because thats what i hear, though the words may differ
4. I Am Far Past Saving
i am jiving
my bones are breaking
my stomachs shaking
my heart is quaking
dear god i am aching,
please god im not faking,
god save me
bhagvanji save me
oh wont you save me?
no one ever saves me
wont you save me?
oh wont you save me?
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56 and any Yamo pairing! 🫶
i just wheezed so hard when i saw what the song was i almost snorted coffee out of my nose i am so sorry for this one
#56 - kyoto phoebe bridgers + yamo
the story of how this song ended up on my wrapped is too long so it’s going in the tags but. let me set the scene for you.
2026 NHL GLOBAL SERIES™️ JAPAN - Presented by YPPI
November 13 & 14, 2026: Dallas Stars, Montreal Canadiens, Seattle Kraken, Vancouver Canucks
Saitama Super Arena, Saitama, Japan
It’s a pitiful excuse of a consolation prize for not being able to go to the Olympics, but Kailer’s not going to look a vacation horse in the mouth. The arena’s cool. It’s huge. The people are cool. There’s so many more of them than he thought there’d be with jerseys that have his name on the back, and a lot more that have the familiar orange and blue. He takes a picture of the fifth Oilers Yamamoto jersey he signs—this one’s the good Reverse Retro—and texts it to Connor, says,
no one here has even heard of mcjesus
and gets a moon face emoji in response. Leon’s influence. Kailer’s still never really deciphered what that one means, and he doesn’t think Connor knows either.
They don’t have a lot of time off between games, but Kailer’s trying to be a good tourist. His dad had been so happy when Kailer had told him about the series that Kailer’d had to stop him from trying to book a flight a year in advance, and his mom’s been just as bad, sending him every article she sees about Best New Spot in Tokyo! Cool Restaurant! Have You Seen This Japanese Cat Café? that she scrolls across on Facebook since June. Suzy’s in the same boat, so they’ve been crossing off their compiled travel-guide list together, looping in as many guys as they can. Everyone’s been pretty game. All the teams are crammed into close quarters at the same hotel, which means everyone wants to spend as much time as possible outside of it, and it helps that Kailer’s gotten pretty close with all the other guys that the NHL picked up as Global Series figureheads. Robo’s memes? Absolutely fire. The groupchat loves them.
For every item he crosses off the list, Kailer takes a picture and keeps it tucked in his phone notes. It’s like speed-running a scavenger hunt—they’re only here for four days—but he’s doing a pretty good job. His favorite so far has been all the gardens. They’re stunning, trees shining bright red and yellow, and every vendor has been selling maple candies, maple cakes, and even fried maple, though the official maple festival doesn’t start until next week. The second garden he visits, he does it on his own after practice, buying two cakes from a cart near the gate and walking until he loses the bustle outside. It’s easy to get lost in the winding pathways, heading deeper into the quiet, and there’s dozens of benches underneath the burnished leaves where young couples are tucked away on dates, or old friends are laughing and catching up. In some of the little clearings, there’s small shrines where people leave offerings, a prayer for good luck or good fortune.
Kailer stops at one without any people and sets the second maple cake on top of it, then sits and scrolls through all the texts that he’s missed. His mom gets replied to with a picture of him outside the garden gate, grinning and surrounded by other travelers. He sends his brother a picture of a trashy graphic I Love Japan t-shirt with the threat that he’ll buy one for him, and Kailer’s dad gets a picture of the meticulously arranged and cut bonsai that are across from the bench where he’s sitting. The Seattle groupchat gets a recycled meme from Robo, and he gets two thumbs up and an “LMAO” before he can even exit the thread. Finally, Kailer takes a picture of the half-eaten maple cake in his hand, holding it next to a fallen maple leaf on the bench, and gets halfway through typing another message before he thinks better of it.
(On the plane over, Drieds was reading them a story about how when they first introduced the high-speed railway, people were afraid to use it because they thought it would be too fast for their souls to keep up.
“Bro, if that were true, you just left your soul in the middle of the Pacific,” Ebs had laughed. “Planes are faster than trains.”
“Are they?” Matty asked. “Isn’t the train in Japan the fastest in the world?”
Drieds couldn’t make it through the rest of the story over the sound of everyone ripping Matty to shreds, so Kailer didn’t get to ask whether or not they found out anything about planes. Kailer’s not worried about his soul, but the logic makes a strange kind of sense; after all, he traveled 429 miles in five and a half hours once, and that was a little too fast for his heart to keep up.)
Fuck it. Kailer’s been trying to write a response for the past ten days, and he’s sick of swiping in and out of the message, staring at the keyboard so long he starts to see swirls in his vision.
Kailer drafts the text again and sends it, no context, no caption. A text travels faster than a high-speed train or a jet. Maybe it’ll pick his heart back up on the way.
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