#esp because exactly 5 people will read these too

[snickerdoodlles]

sighed at myself for having what's probably going to be a 20k PWP, told myself that was excessive but good to get all my indulgences out at once ig. have since started a different PWP that will HOPEFULLY just be 40k and is the start of an entire SERIES of more porn, what the fuck me.

[almightygremlinblob]

In Every Life (AFAB Ver.)

In which Sukuna falls in love with the Reader without realizing it.

Word Count: 5, 283 of slow burn. ⚠️Content Warnings⚠️: Not Beta Read, True Form Sukuna, Heian Era, Sukuna fluff, soft Sukuna, mentioned cannibalism, slight angst, Sunshine AMAB!Reader but gender neutral expressions used, Reader is not a sorcerer and is implied to be the only non-sorcerer of her village. Minors and ppl not okay with anything sexual pls DNI and have a nice day 👍🏽 AMAB!Reader (with gender-neutral pronouns) here

⚠️Further Content Warnings⚠️: Virgin!Sukuna, Sub!Sukuna, Reader and Sukuna both switch from gentle doms to subs, soft & fluffy sex, very messy sex, size difference, Reader makes out with the tummy mouth, squirting, lots of cum, cock worship, lots of fluids in general, belly bulge, lots of mouths, consensual blood drinking, this is getting worse the more I write lmao. THIS IS NOT BETA'D and I am very tired while editing this. SO! If you spot any mistakes, esp. with the body parts of Reader lmao (since I made two of these), pls tell me!

You were happy you managed to catch the attention of the King of Curses.

Sure, you didn't exactly know how you did it. You weren't strong, or exceptionally beautiful like the sons and daughters offered to him. You weren't even that smart!

You were clueless, as a matter of fact!

So clueless that, nearly a month ago, you gave the strange looking man with four arms a warm meal and a place to stay for the night - since it didn't seem like the storm would let up any time soon. He was pretty much shunned by the rest of the village upon his arrival…probably due to the overwhelming energy that sent people into fight or flight…but he was just born different!

Probably.

"What's your name, Mister?"

"…"

You quickly learned that he didn't speak much, and he does not like to be looked at. Only watching as you go about your day - trying your best to navigate through the judgement and, frankly, abuse of the other villagers; ever as judgemental about you as they were likely to talk down on you, spread rumors and try to take advantage of your endless kindness. Not that it worked, though - and for that, everyone pretty much hated you. Despite his silence, your visitor was the only one that seemed to regard you without any ounce of hatred.

Then, one day…

"Why do you entertain them?"

"Ah!" You visibly jumped at that moment - up until now you were certain he couldn't speak. His voice was lovely baritone, but held a quiet authority - much like him…and a very clear evil but you wouldn't dwell too much on that. "M-me? Oh…of course, me…"

"U-um…I'm not entirely sure, actually. I don't like them, b-but…" Those sharp, piercing eyes are distant, scanning the forest as you tried to think of a reason. "I-I guess they're my neighbors. Friends? No. But it wouldn't be right to just outright ignore them."

"Hmph, of course…" He scoffs, and rolls his eyes. "You people and your morals…"

"Do you not have friends?"

"No."

"Oh…" Your shoulders slump slightly. "Then, consider me your first friend!"

"No."

"Oh…"

When you visibly deflate, he laughs lightly, shaking his head as if he's heard something utterly ridiculous. "Why does that bother you? You hardly know me. I could be a mass murderer for all you know."

"Because you…you're…" You think for a while, before finding the right words. "One of the most unique people I've ever had the blessing of meeting."

His eyes finally land on you. "Blessing, huh?"

------

Eventually, the villagers turned violent towards you and your guest, but you did your best to keep him safe - urging him to leave, quickly. It was that day, when you were nearly beaten to death, that you learned the strange man's name.

"Die, you peasant!" There was something in the way these villagers attacked. A strange energy that made it hurt all the more. You were bloodied, bruised and beaten to the point you couldn't even find the strength to scream. A blade was pointed to your throat. "Any last words?"

Despite yourself, you manage to spit at him.

"I didn't think you had it in you." That familiar low voice, low and uninterested, sounds from behind you both. Then, before your very eyes, everyone was somehow cut to pieces. No screams, or cries…just the sounds of flesh and bone being cut apart. You were probably hallucinating...

You see your guest walk beside you - the gore, guts and limbs not affecting him in the slightest.

"Ah, you're okay…" His eyes land on you again. "B-be careful…t-there's an invisible…invisible something that's cutting people up…"

He scoffs. "And if I told you that was me?"

"What."

"Tsk." He promptly grabs you and, without you even realizing, your wounds begin healing, closing up, and suddenly you're more aware than you were a while ago. Then, with the flick of his wrist, the bodies get further chopped apart. The gears in your head start to turn and your eyes widen. "O-oh…"

"Go on, then. Go ahead." He grabs your face, forcing you to look at the disembodied people and the growing river of blood. "Run."

"No. No…" Your breathing steadies, and you relax into his hold. He must sense it with the way his whole body tenses for a moment. "Not from you."

In the silence, you can practically hear him thinking as he gets up. And when he made no move, you realized he was waiting for you. So you got up too, wordlessly, and began to follow him. After a while of silence, he graces you with his voice again - quiet, almost…soft.

"My name is irrelevant…but people call me Sukuna Ryomen, the King of Curses."

------

And that was the start of your new life, as a servant of the King of Curses.

It…wasn't so bad! Sure, you could be killed any day, like a few of the other servants and many of the courtesans, but you also didn't do much! And, best of all, no more of those abusive neighbors! Your days were mainly spent helping the head servant - the attractive one with white hair and a pink splotch - do things for the king, for only up to four hours. Four hours! Then you'd spend the rest of the day doing whatever!

This was not one of those days, however.

Today, you were cleaning the Lord's study, in his chambers, along with the attractive head servant. There were...a strangely high number of Dokudami paintings...

"The Lord seems to have an obsession with this herb. Does he like it?"

"That's an interesting observation. Though you're mistaken. It's more the symbolism of this plant."

"And…that would be?"

"Its flowers are delicate, pure. The plant itself is medicinal against many illnesses - it's endlessly helpful. Kind. But it grows everywhere, even in the places not many grow. A surprising resilience despite it's 'delicate' nature." The head servant explains, and you can hear the tinge of amusement in their voice. "Remind you of anyone?"

"Uh…no? No one comes to mind…"

They simply snort at that.

------

The first time you were called to his chambers, you thought you were going to die. Actually, everyone thought you were going to die. They were all giddy at the thought. You didn't expect to just sit there in silence while he practiced his calligraphy.

"I can hear you thinking. Speak."

You fidget around a little, before getting the words out. "I've always been meaning to ask…why…why me, my Lord?"

He clicks his tongue. "You dare question my choices?"

"N-no! Only…I'm curious."

Sukuna is silent for a while, hand perfectly still as he thinks, before eventually speaking.

"You calm me." He sighs as his brush continues to move. "Somehow, every time, you calm me."

------

The courtesans could see you from outside, and you could practically feel them glaring daggers at you - endlessly furious and envious that you could be that close to the Lord.

"My Lord, you…never seem to show interest in your courtesans. Have they, I mean…" You weren't sure how to word it without coming off as too brash.

"Of course they try to bed me. They always do. Don't even try to hide that they're doing it to gain a semblance of power in my estate. The last two were just…" He waves his hand dismissively, tone making it abundantly clear he wasn't happy with the memory. "Had her head cut off and the second had his limbs strewn on the floor."

You feel his gaze on you, scowl evident in even his voice. "Why do you ask me about this?"

"It's just…you have so many, I thought, well..."

"Tsk. They only want something from me, and they think they can take it freely. From me. Me!"

"Surely not ALL of them…" You fidget a little. "Why would you keep them around if that was? There's…there's so many…"

You can practically hear his smirk. "Because their organs taste GREAT sautéed."

"A-ah…"

He snorts, seeing your discomfort. "Are you afraid of becoming like them?"

"I…hm…" You look up in thought. "Perhaps…"

He lets out a soft laugh. "Then you truly are a fool."

"But…I think, it would be a good sacrifice." You finish the last area, as he goes awfully quiet. "Like an offering to a god. I think…I think I wouldn't mind that."

His presence is more than clear behind you, strong and foreboding. "Do you mean it?"

"Yes."

"Do you trust me?"

"Of course."

"Liar. Everyone says that…" He scoffs. "…but, nobody means it. If given the chance…"

You hear a sound, sharp and strong, much like a blade. A pain blooms from your wrist, and you realize you're bleeding lightly - only a few drops of blood at a time. "They all run."

"No. I wish to stay by your side, my Lord. I have nowhere I'd rather be." When you relax and make no move to run, a big and warm hand engulfs yours.

"You…weren't lying." You feel lips against the wound on your outer wrist, and the swipe of a tongue against it before the wound starts to close. "You fool…"

------

Many in the estate didn't like you, jealous of how close you were to the Lord - but it wasn't everyone. Now, it was everyone. Rumors fueling jealousy and malice for the very obvious favoritism.

Taking little nibbles, you didn't want to take more than your share.

The food was beyond AMAZING. However, Sukuna simply scowls as you shyly keep your head bowed and you must feel his gaze harden by the way you flinch under it.

"I apologize. I just…don't want to take more than my share…"

"Do you mean to insult me? This entire meal is yours." He scoffs, grabbing your bowl. He grabs one of the sushi rolls and puts it against your mouth, which is still closed due to your surprise. "Eat. I won't accept this…whatever it is you're doing."

"O-oh, I-…thank you, my Lord." You open your mouth and allow him to feed you. Light blush forming from how good the food is. Yes, that was definitely why. "My compliments to the chef. This is beyond delicious, my Lord…"

And it was true, the sushi, the miso soup, selection of meats, everything tasted DIVINE.

"Compliments taken."

WAIT-

You nearly choke on your food. "I-I apologize…my Lord. I, you…for me???"

"Use your words."

"I mean, ah…" You shake your head, trying to recover from your mind going into overdrive. "You…made this for me?"

"Yes." He says it so plainly.

"What…what for?"

He doesn't answer and, for once, looks unsure. "I…I don't know."

------

When you came out of his chambers unscathed the second time, everyone - except for Lord Sukuna himself and his servant - went into a frenzy. The servants were appalled, the courtesans were fuming, and you made sure to steer clear of everyone who now seemed to loathe you. And, soon enough, all your duties were either with the head servant, with Lord Sukuna, or by yourself. Still, you didn't feel safe in the estate anymore.

Then, one night, the head servant came to your quarters, stating that "Lord Sukuna has requested I take you to his chambers."

If you weren't going to die physically, you would die of embarrassment.

Still, you followed the white haired servant to his chambers, entire form trembling as you nearly stumbled over yourself. Sukuna glances you once over, and can't help the snort that escapes his lips. You looked like a newly born fawn with how shaky your legs were.

"My sincerest apologies. I just…nervous…"

"That much is clear. Sit." Something is off and you can tell he's tense. "This probably isn't going to go how you're expecting."

You do as he says, sitting seiza in front of him. Something sharp is pointed to your throat, right where the artery is. Your eyes go wide, but after a little bit, you allow your entire body to relax. If you should die by anyone's hand, it would be his.

"Look at me." He commands and you look up, seeing him holding a spear of sorts. For the first time, you see him - truly see him. His form beautiful, terrifying and divine all at once. Your eyes and body must show your adoration, because he looks away - as if uncomfortable.

He shuts his eyes, and the spear is repeatedly pushed against your neck, as if trying. However, it never follows through. This was so easy for him, and yet…

"My Lord, if I should die today, it would be the greatest honor for it to be by your hand." Your body relaxes, eyes close and you lean into the blade of the spear. Sukuna tenses, and you feel it in his hold. "If it's by your hand, my Lord, I can only die happy."

"Yes. That much you've made clear." You hear him sigh, tired and defeated, as the spear drops to the floor. "To think this is how I'd lose…how pathetic…"

"M…my Lord?"

"Leave."

You see him, frustrated and defeated, and it makes your heart ache to see him like this. Without even realizing it, your hand reaches out and stops just before touching him. "Might I stay for you? Please, I only want…"

His glare nearly has you frozen. "THIS is how you want to celebrate a victory over me?"

"No, my Lord. I only wish to stay by your side and help how I can."

He's quiet, clearly upset. "Do what you will with me. I might as well be worthless like this anyway."

"Never to me, Lord Sukuna." You take his hand in both of yours, and bring your lips to his knuckles but he quickly pulls his hand away.

"What?!" He snarls. "What use is your loyalty to someone like me now?"

"You are my Lord, Sukuna. I serve you…" Your eyes meet his, full of longing and concern. "Anything I can do to help you, please let me…"

His eyes briefly glance at your quivering lips, leaning in without realizing before he turns away with a click of his tongue.

"Leave."

And you do as you are told.

------

"How is Lord Sukuna?"

Was one of the most frequent questions you'd pester the head servant's ears with. They roll their eyes. "He's not frail, you know. You don't need to worry about him like a mother hen."

"I just…it's been a week since I've seen him! If he doesn't want to see me, that's fine, but…I-I'd at least like to know if he's okay…" You sigh. "And what I did wrong…so I can avoid doing it again!"

"Just give him time to process." The head servant states nonchalantly. "This is new territory for him."

------

The silence was…

Awkward, to say the least.

Not a word uttered as he continued to paint those stupid edible weeds in the candle-light. It was already late…

"A-ahem." Your voice breaks slightly when you clear your throat, and you feel his gaze on you. "M-my Lord, if there's nothing else, I shall retire for the night."

"Stay."

What.

"Don't make me repeat myself." Clearly your reaction was evident in your body, and you choke on your words before they even get out.

"That night was my first defeat." He says, as if sensing your question, yet you hear a tired and heavy sigh. "As of now, it's been my only one."

"But…have you been okay, my Lord?"

"Always about me, hm?" He scoffs, and there's tension as his footsteps grow closer. Your eyes meet his, beautiful and terrifying, when his fingers gently tug your chin up - guiding you to look at him. Guiding your body to the mattress as he cages you underneath him. "And why not just claim your victory? I have no right to complain. Isn't that what you meant to do the night you defeated me?"

"What? No! My, Lord, no! I-I'm sorry. It wasn't-I didn't mean-It's not what you think! I could never-" Your hands cover your mouth - shocked at the implication. "Oh Lord Sukuna, I bow to you! Only you! I-I will never, could never, force something like that on you! Not then. Not now…"

"Good. This was getting overwhelming." He sighs and then promptly rolls off you, plopping down to your side. Though your skins were still touching and, for once, Sukuna didn't mind someone this close to him in this way. He was relaxed, as if his worries melted away. You couldn't help the smile that grew. This was the Lord you know - a walking death and calamity, now pacified. You both face each other and he can't help but look away, cracking under the weight of your loving gaze - full of adoration, concern and awe.

Weak.

He was weak.

"Lord Sukuna, may I?" Your hand reaches out to him, stopping just before reaching the wooden part of his face. He was so terribly beautiful.

"Do as you wish." He mumbles, and you gently hold him - even though he doesn't show it, you can feel him tense.

"My Lord, what's wrong?" There it is again, the weight that makes him feel like he's breaking without being broken. "I know you don't need it, but I only wish to help in any way I can…"

His mouth opens and closes several times before he's able to finally find the worse. "You've broken me. Made me weak…and I can't even curse you, or wish we'd never met because I'd be lying."

You chuckle. "My Lord is far from weak."

"Yet I am powerless against you." His four eyes bore into you, in them a mix of desperation and longing, as you gently stroke the wooden part of his face. Finally, he closes his eyes, relaxing against you. "And I never thought defeat could feel like this…"

"Is it pleasant, my Lord?"

"It is…" You feel his fingers tracing along your collarbone, up to your jawline and you feel something wet licking your skin as his hand rests on your throat. A mouth on his hand, gently licking and suckling on the sensitive parts of your neck. "…but only if it's you."

"Lord Sukuna…" Despite everything, you feel he's still tense. "You're tense. Would you like me to…?"

"Yes. I meant to bed you tonight, but this…it's…" He sighs. "Overwhelming. I'm not clueless, but something about you makes it all…too much…"

"Then let me lead, my Lord." You gently push him down, and he lets you - following you as you guide him. His hand takes hold of your chin, pulling you in so your lips meet his. His kiss was tentative and unsure, or perhaps more accurately, scared. Scared of every feeling that threatened to overthrow him. You eagerly massaged your lips against his nonetheless. "Please…allow me to worship you tonight, Lord Sukuna."

His breaths become heavier when you straddle him, gently undoing his kimono while he easily rips your clothes to shreds with a flick of a wrist. Your lips mark his skin gently. Moving down to worship his mouth, jaw, his shoulders, both chests and finally to the mouth on his stomach - who was breathing just as heavy. Sukuna tenses when you take his tongue into your mouth, sucking on it and explore the much bigger one with your smaller tongue.

When you pull away, there's a small pool of saliva where the stomach mouth lay open and plenty on you where the mouth-hands had left their marks on your skin. Both his cocks, beautiful, heavy and fat, sat on his stomach where they were already leaking with arousal. Sukuna's breathing turned heavy, and as your hands move to his waist, stopping just before doing anything, you look up at him. "My Lord, if at any time you wish for me to stop, please say so. I will stop without hesitation or question."

"Always about me…" He chuckles and, in a sudden movement, easily manhandles you so your dripping cunt is on his stomach-mouth. "No, I do not wish to stop. But if you truly ask for nothing in return, then let me be gracious."

"M-my Lord, ah-" Your eyes roll back when you feel that giant tongue lapping at your juices, the both of you moaning as he did so.

"Delicious…" Fingers find their way to your clit, rubbing circles as a mouth sucks hickeys on your skin and your chest - finding the sensitive nubs and harshly tugging. You hear a noise that's half way between a whimper and a moan. "…everything about you…so delicious…"

"That's it, my Lord. I'm yours tonight…" You sigh, mind in bliss as your hands find his cocks. He bucks his hips when you begin to stroke him - slowly, before building to a steady pace. His cocks were thick and fat, heavy and veiny and monstrously beautiful in all the ways that had you nervous to take him. They throbbed eagerly, dare you say even aching for your touch. Bowing down, you take one of his tips into your mouth, careful not to let your teeth get in the way. The way his tip had pulsed and the amount of arousal you had to swallow down, had you moaning and whining happily as you swallowed his cock. Amidst the low growling of his stomach mouth, you hear a noise that's halfway between a whimper and a moan, and feel him buck his hips into your mouth as you lick and suck on him eagerly - tongue, lips and hands feverishly worshipping Sukuna's heavy, monstrous lengths.

The tongue begins to enter you, and you nearly cum on the spot - nearly choking on his cock. Slowly, it reaches deep, deep enough to hit that spot that has you seeing stars - forming a light bulge on your stomach with how big it is. When you continue to moan, Sukuna's hips move on their own - tip fucking your mouth while you drool and stroke him.

You both get lost in pleasure. His large tongue tastes and moves eagerly inside you, practically assaulting that sweet spot as the stomach mouth continues to growl and whine and drool; while you eagerly suck on and stroke his twitching and throbbing lengths. A guttural moan escapes Sukuna's throat when he releases into your greedy mouth, and you do your best to swallow everything he has to offer while his other cock paints you in white. Drool, precum and his seed still leak out your mouth, though - and you quickly find it's too much.

Before you can stop yourself, your cunt clamps down on the large tongue inside you and your body goes tense as you reach your own orgasm. Fluids leak out of your greedy cunt as you squirt on his tongue, which continues to move inside of you well past your high.

His tip leaves your mouth with a sloppy and wet pop and with a groan, the large tongue takes one final lick at your overstimulated insides before it retracts back. You both are breathing heavy, shaking a little as he repositions you onto his lap. His hand caresses your face, eyes completely dilated as he makes a noise somewhere between a moan and a sigh. "Oooh, gods, look at you…"

"My Lord, I-" Your eyes widen a little as you struggle a little in his grasp. "Wait-"

"Have you forgotten who you answer to?" He clicks his tongue. "You are in no position to make demands of me."

"I…answer to you, my Lord." You still, realizing what he was asking you. "I'm sorry."

When you look away bashfully, there's a small silence.

There's a small silence as you look away bashfully. However, when you glance back at him and are met with a frown - there was the sudden realization of an unsaid question waiting to be answered. He hasn't moved at all. Immediately, you explain yourself, not wanting him to get the wrong idea. "I-I'm still a bit sensitive, is all…but I-I still want this! Truly, my Lord! I-I want…I want you, still."

Your voice comes out a little higher than you would have liked, but it seemed to quell him nonetheless.

"As am I, but…" He sighs and before he looks away, you capture his lips in a chaste but wet kiss.

"I know." You bite your lip bashfully and your voice comes out soft and sweet in all the ways that make his cocks twitch. "But, I did promise to worship my Lord tonight. I shouldn't make a promise I can't keep."

When your hands begin to stroke him again, slow and gentle, Sukuna practically throws his head back, biting back a low whimper while his stomach mouth shamelessly groaned and panted. He cursed as his hips began to move on their own, muscles tensing as his cocks grew hard again. Yet when your eyes lock he only sees adoration and longing in them as your hands worshipped him diligently. Not the empty lust he saw in everyone else who wanted him this way but could never get close.

"You look incredible like this, my Lord." Your voice comes out raspy and full of longing, and it tears a near animalistic sound from him.

"Enough." He growls, and you immediately stop. "Let me inside you."

"Anything for you." A mix of arousal, anxiousness and excitement overwhelms you as you climb on top of him, positioning yourself so his bottom cockhead kisses the entrance to your cunt. The both of you share a guttural groan as you sink down on one of his cocks, the free one throbbing delightfully in front of your cunt. Sukuna was massive, to say the least, and despite how dripping wet you both were your legs were still shaking from the wonderful strain. Although your sopping, velvety insides took him in eagerly while being stretched to their limit. The initial pain of the stretch was nearly drowned out by how wonderful he felt inside of you - fat and veiny cock completely filling you, dragging deliciously along your insides. You could feel him his arousal leak inside you, and his length pulsing like a second heartbeat. And when you fully sheathed him inside of you, you both almost lose the ability to think properly.

"S-Sukuna, my Lord…" You'd be embarassed by how shameless you sounded with your Lord now fully inside you, his fat mushroom head threatening to breach the entrance to your cervix and spurting his precum on it. His hands rested on your hips, keeping your bodies joined with a messy puddle of arousal underneath you both. Sukuna's eyes were rolled back and fluttering slightly while his stomach mouth was open with his massive tongue lolled out, making a noise somewhere between a low growl and a whimper. Seeing him like this nearly sent you off the edge.

"O-ooh, gods…" He groans when he feels you clamp down on him, and a hand pulls your head into a clumsy kiss. You feel his breath turn into full on panting when he tasted himself on you, the hands on your hips now painfully digging into your skin as he begins to thrust up into you - sloppy, slow and languid, as if trying to get even deeper than he could. Your free hands, once caressing the wooden part of his face, now move down to stroke his free cock - earning you a low growling from the stomach mouth as it started panting.

"Oh, you feel heavenly, Lord Sukuna…" As if encouraged by your words, his thrusts start to get faster, harder - a steady rhythm beginning to build. "That's it. You're doing so well, my Lord."

"Ngh, ah…" Oh, how your Lord made such sweet sounds.

Neither of you were going to last long, it was all too much.

The pain had long subsided, replaced only with ecstacy. Sukuna's fat and heavy cock dragged along every part of your insides, and the feeling of the warm arousal dripping from his tip and the throbbing of his veiny length had you near screaming into his mouth. Your Lord was completely filling you and leaving no part of you unloved. While your wet and sloppy cunt desperately sucked him in every time you and him moved, only to be rewarded as he thrusted back in and you bounced back down on him, wet velvety insides squeezing him tightly as if never wanting him to leave. Without you even realizing it, your body was unconsciously and sweetly worshipping and loving your god. "A-ah, I love you, my Lord!"

Something in Sukuna snaps upon hearing those words, which were otherwise empty - had it come from someone else.

"Let me taste you." He practically whimpers into your mouth as you both pant and continue to knot tongues. The kiss is clumsy, inexperienced, but you were far too lost in love to care - exploring your Lord's mouth eagerly while you struggle to ride his beautiful, monstrous form. The tongues on his mouths sucking, biting and tasting your skin; marking every bit of your body they could. This would hurt, but you didn't care. You only wanted to show your god how much you loved him. "And I want you to accept me, too..."

"Yes, my Lord. Anything-" This would hurt, but you didn't care - only wanting to show your god how much you loved him. "Anything you wish of me…"

With the flick of his wrist, there's a sharp pain on your tongue and a metallic taste floods both of your mouths - there's not enough damage to fully cut off your tongue, however, only a cut.

"Swallow me." Sukuna's breath hitches as he continues to kiss you, letting out a noise between a growl and a whimper, and you realize that it wasn't only your blood in both of your mouths. An offering of a devotee to their god, and a god to their devotee. You eagerly swallow each other's blood, moaning as you share the messy, bloody kiss.

His thrusts get faster and harder, his cock twitching and your cunt spasming. What was once a steady rhythm has now turned sloppy as you both rode each other into your high. Sukuna reaches his orgasm with a choked sob, and you reach yours with a scream - bodies tensing as you both get lost in each other and neither of you stop moving. His warm and thick seed floods your insides, far too copious and spilling over as he paints your womb white. Your cunt spasms and clamps down on him, almost painfully milking and sucking him in, desperately trying and failing to keep his overflowing love inside.

It feels like forever, but you eventually collapse on top of him - both of you too tired to pull out. Your minds were completely muddled, bodies shaky with the high and tranquility of post-orgasm. There was nothing but the sound of your breathing for a while, before he silently cups your face and you feel the sting on your tongue disappear. With shaky hands, you touch your tongue and find the cut was healed.

"Thank you for sharing your blood with me, my Lord." You bury your face in the crook of his neck. "If I may, might I stay the night?"

"You'll be staying here every night, from now on." Without realizing it, his lips reach your forehead. "And for the rest of eternity, you will never leave my side."

"Yes, my Lord. I swear it." It was one simple, powerful vow that had you staying by his side for the rest of your life…

And made you return to him, in every life after.

-----

My GAAAHD was this difficult to write. Not the actual writing part itself, oh NO. But finding the time for writing. YEEESH. Anyways, have a great day!

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Taglist:

[aestherians]

Way before learning about otherkinity or therianthropy, back when I was a little baby creature, trapped in school, forced to hang out with 8 y/o humans, I would often sneak off and hide in the school library.

We weren't allowed to be there without a teacher present, but they often forgot to lock the door, and way in the back, far away from the windows, back where no one could find me, there just so happened to be a shelf full of 'mystery books.' They had everything, from UFOs, cryptids, and mythology to ESP, folklore... and werewolves.

These weren't big tomes - it was a village school with only 120 students, ranging from 5 to 12 years old. They were paperbacks catered mostly to 3rd graders, and they had all the trappings that those kinds of books tend to have, being sensationalist, scatterbrained, and simplistic at the best of times, and downright misinformed at the worst.

I know now that hypertrichosis had little to nothing to do with werewolf mythology. Werewolves were largely born out of fear of your neighbor, fear that they might be hiding something - and hypertrichosis is not exactly easy to hide. The tell-tale signs of werewolves are monobrows that can be plucked, a furry back that can be covered up, and a tendency to disappear for long stretches of time, while livestock get killed by wild animals.

But of course I didn't know that back then. My folkloric studies, as a 3rd grader, consisted of Dragonology and looking at pictures in my aunt's "Mysteries of the Unknown" collection, that I was far too young to have the patience to read.

So when I read about people who were thought to be werewolves because of their appearance, I took it at face value.

I wish the story takes a fantastical turn here, and that I started drawing fur on myself or wearing fur to school. But I was a quiet creature. I already got chased around by bullies at recess - why I hid in the library in the first place - and I didn't need to add to that.

But I envied the people who had fur. At least they were targeted for something visible, I thought. They didn't have to wonder why people might throw rocks at them or call them animals or act like their touch was poisonous.

I still sometimes wish I had hypertrichosis.

[eoieopda]

yes, i am back yet again, but i am burdened by the 1am thoughts.

one would assume me to be my usually thirsty in the late night hours, but for once, no horny in brain so i am instead thinking of each member's love language, or if they have multiple, and how they express it exactly?

for example, if it's physical touch, would they be fine with just a consistent hand on the knee or do they need a daily cuddle sesh??

soft hours 🥹

namjoon seems like a words of affirmation kinda boi. he’s so eloquent and thoughtful when he speaks, which is part of it, but i think this esp carries over into his writing. i bet he’s big on love letters, little notes, etc. i also think he wants to be affirmed because he does sooooo much, under so much pressure, and he deserves to be told how incredible he is every five (5) seconds.

seokjin reads like quality time. i think he wants to go about his day, doing whatever (nothing flashy, just cooking, gaming, fishing, etc.) with you physically present with him, even if you don’t exchange many words in the process. he wants to be present, and he wants you present too 😭 bonus: acts of service. his line isn’t “hyung will do it” for no reason!! he wants to 💕 nurture 💕 and ✨ nest ✨.

yoongi is acts of service, for sure. he doesn’t necessarily vibe with expressing love in words, so he’ll show it. and fuck, does he ever??? thoughtful gestures without any expectation of reciprocation, or wanting to be told thank you. the boy wants to take care of you, okay??? let him 😩 he feels full just watching you eat 🫠

hoseok is physical touch, i think. very affectionate, wants to feel tethered and safe. you can go out and do literally anything, he’s down, just make sure to (at least) keep your pinkies locked. oh, and he is ABSOLUTELY the type to put his hand in your back pocket. not even flirtatiously (although, let’s be real, it often is) but because that 👏🏻 is 👏🏻 closeness. he’s either sitting under or on you — who needs their own couch cushion? not him!!

jimin is quality time. he’s somebody that shows up for people, without fail, and that’s how you know he loves you. and that’s not just attending xyz thing that matters to you, it’s remembering the little shit you say in passing and taking it to heart, and not forgetting things that matter. dude wants a whole ass partnership based on this, i know it. bonus: words of affirmation. he’s also extreeeeemely well-spoken and emotionally intelligent, so he loves deep, deep talks about… everything.

taehyung is receiving gifts. not material stuff, though he is a certified fashion heux. dude dies when you present him with some lil trinket that you give to him and say it reminded you of him, of some lil memory that he might assume you’d forgotten because it was so quick/ordinary, whatever. and i bet he cries when you tell him why you’ve given him xyz item, even if it’s just a cool rock you found that you wanted to show him asdfghjkl. he absolutely shows love this way, on top of physical touch.

jungkook is ABSOLUTELY quality time. he wants so badly for you to be there when he’s sleeping so he doesn’t have to sleep alone, even if you’re awake. somebody to keep him company when he’s up too late, or doing mundane tasks around the house. bby girl gets lonely easily, i think. you don’t have to talk, just be there.

[pryings]

TOA Anniversary Munday

thank you neffi for this template!!!

Celebrating TOA and the people who contribute to make our group what it is.

Repost, don't reblog. Only fill in what you feel comfortable sharing!

Happy anniversary, TOA! Here's to many more years spent together.

Name: ruaidhrí (said pretty much like the english name rory and if you want to spell it that way that's fine too, ik irish names throw people off)

Pronouns: he/him

Birthday (no year): 25th of october!

Where are you from? What is your time zone? i live in colorado and my timezone is MST

How long is your roleplay experience? i don't know exactly how many years since i sometimes have years where h don't rp but i've been rping on and off since i was 11-12.

How were you introduced to roleplaying as a whole? oh gosh, so ff.net used to have (maybe still has, i literally have not been on that site in ages) these like... forums? and i joined one for elder scrolls rp a little after oblivion came out. i was far and away the youngest one there but everyone was so nice in helping me turn my character into a proper oc with like... backstory, a real personality, etc. after that, i spent a lot of time using it to try and grow my creative writing skills.

How were you introduced to TOA? honestly i just stumbled across it randomly! i had just replayed a few fe games and was looking through some tags and thought it might be fun to try fire emblem rp (i'd done some on indie tumblr back in the day, as well as in an mfrp a little bit, but never fire emblem exclusive rp) so i sent arden to check it out and, well, here we still are.

Do you have any pets? simon (mini poodle), john hancock (tabby cat), and tim & geeb (fluffy black cats)

What is your favorite time of year and why? (Season, holiday, general period) early spring! i also like late fall for its temperature, but i dislike snow/sleet/wet socks so spring is preferable because it's not very snowy here!

What is your IRL occupation? blessedly unemployed (health issues have prevented me from working aha)... i used to work IT though!

Some interests and things you like/enjoy? i like birdwatching, reading academic articles about ancient civilizations, and making espresso drinks

What non-Fire Emblem games do you play? currently enjoying bg3 + doing a dragon age replay (in preparation for veilguard). outside current, i really like most single-player rpg type games (esp. with customizable character), stealth games (dishonored favorite), and Identity V is the first asymmetrical horror mobile game developed by NetEase for

Favorite Pokemon type & Pokemon: my favorite pokemon ever is alakazam (and its whole line) i've loved alakazam foreverrrrr! favorite type is steel, though! apart from my psychic baby most of my other favs tend to be steel types

Tell us some funfacts and trivia about yourself! oh gosh i'm so bad at fun facts...

- i can put both my feet behind my head but i can't touch my toes - my favorite non-ancient empire to read about is austria-hungary - my cat tim was rescued from Outside

How did you get into Fire Emblem? friend's cool older brother was playing a bunch of the games in a seemingly random order. when i'd hang out at that friend's house sometimes we'd sit and watch. i asked him to lend me some and he did!

What Fire Emblem games have you played? i have now played all of them! (last year when i answered this i hadn't technically played them all, but i'd seen playthroughs and watched let's plays of all of them at the very least)

First & Favorite Fire Emblem games: a bad translation of fe4 was first, por is still my favorite—but tbh there's not really one i dislike

List your 5 favorite Fire Emblem characters across the series! - KNOLL (promoted to number one he's my special guy) - reyson - canas - ashnard - pandreo

Who was the first character ever to make you go “ooh I like this one in particular” and why? Can be any context and reason! QUAN—i have such a distinct memory of seeing him come in but i don't remember my initial thought, only that he would have my heart forever

Any Fire Emblem crushes? 😳 vander. duessel. hardin.

If you’ve played (or are familiar with) the following games, who was your first S support? Who would you S support nowadays? - Awakening: first was sumia! i don't have a set nowadays because i've done a different one on each playthrough - Fates: first was xander, would probably still do xander if i were to replay - Three Houses: first was seteth, if i replay i'll go for hanneman - Engage: first was pandreo! next time i plan to do ivy though

Favorite Fire Emblem class? i like shapeshifter classes! beasts, dragons, laguz, etc. i just think they're fun to play with

If you were a Fire Emblem character, what would be your class and stats? Would you be playable? oh gosh, i'd be an infantry axe unit probably. middling starting stats but high growths if you really work at making me good (there would be heated debates over whether the necessary time investment would be worth it)

If you were a Three Houses character, what would be your affiliation? black eagles!

If you were an Officers Academy student, what would be your boons, banes and potential budding talent? axe boon, heavy armor bane, budding talent in faith magic (could be classed into an fe:a style war cleric and it would be my suggested goal)

If you were an Engage character, which nation would you originate from? i want to say brodia!

How do you pronounce TOA? 🤔 toh-ah

Current TOA muses: just knoll <3

Past TOA muses? robin, niles, almedha, reyson, hardin, iago, perceval, lachesis (i think that's all?)

Who was your first TOA muse? If you no longer have them, can you see yourself picking them up again? my first muse was m!robin and thankfully i am spared any temptation on picking him up as he is currently being written.

Do you believe you have a type of character you gravitate towards writing? (If you filled this out last year, has this changed in any way?) i'm kind of all over the place, aren't i? i like characters where i can poke at hidden depths but ones who aren't too closely guarded. i like characters who are shy, withdrawn, standoffish, guarded, etc. in some way but who open up when spoken to. i don't think this has changed since last year, i've been writing for a long time and kind of know my comfort zone.

Do you have characters or types of characters you don’t think you can handle writing, but wish you could? boisterous/loud and over the top characters always challenge me, but i've never really managed to make them work, which is a shame because i tend to enjoy lively characters!

What kind of scenes, situations etc do you believe you enjoy writing the most? (If you filled this out last year, has this changed in any way?) -i love writing threads where setting/scenery is a focus, where i get to sort of use the landscape as a bit more than set-dressing - i enjoy throwing my muse at characters who mistrust him for whatever reason, and like to explore the kind of slow, mutual understanding that comes from two people getting to know one another - i really just like putting him in situations in general, forcing him to socialize—he's a very withdrawn character so any excuse to have him meet new people is very enjoyable

Do you have any scenario in mind for your muse(s) that gets you thinking “man I hope I get to write this one day”? nothing specific! i have kind of an arc for him but it's loosely-defined right now

Favorite TOA-related memories? HAPPYLAND WAS SO MUCH FUN. sincerely i loved the interactions he had there <3

Present or past tense? i default to present, but adapt to what my partner prefers on this!

Normal size text, small text, no preference? small text, bolded dialogue. just easier for my eyes to take it in that way.

Got any potential muse delusions to share? 😉 oh gosh. i recently had to go down to just one muse because my health is not so good, but i will admit i already have a few delusions. if i can get myself back to a spot where i feel like i can write a second, someone may return.

[butchhamlet]

hi it's me again im the anon who dropped about 800 words about ocd hamlet a couple weeks ago (maybe longer, time has been weird for me lately).. it made me soo happy to see it resonated with you and with some other people who reblogged it as well!! i've been projecting on hamlet ever since i read it and it feels like every time i read it i learn more about him AND me... and ever since Symptoms showed up he's been even dearer to me and im just so glad people like my interpretation as well :)

i hope it's ok for me to do this again because i want to talk about what if lady macbeth has ocd also. and i know this is sort of well. dangerous if that's the right word because 1) lady macbeth IS the villain in her play even if i love her from the bottom of my heart and i support everything she does and ocd is already an incredibly stigmatised and misunderstood 2) hand washing is possibly THE most stereotyped compulsion that sort of epitomises this really warped view of ocd in the public consciousness. i personally do not have handwashing as a compulsion or really any physical compulsions that are direct responses to my intrusive thoughts so i will try to be really really careful when im talking about this. + other disclaimers: again while i have definitely experienced symptoms of ocd i do not know if i have it and i am NOT diagnosed + ocd experiences are different for everyone + you cannot diagnose a character because they are not real + this one is mostly projection and is more a frame of reading than it is an interpretation grounded in textual evidence (esp since i will be talking about the sleepwalking asleep a LOT and she is technically, well. sleeping.) so just. take everything with a pinch of salt and please let me know if i ever overstep!!

im mainly going to be drawing on experiences close to real event ocd even though i know that typically real event ocd is defined by the fact that the sufferer blows their past mistakes way out of proportion and/or question their memories, and i guess i cannot say that lady macbeth’s guilt is completely unjustified because uh. she did kill a man.! but i do think her behaviours after the murder reflects what i’ve seen people speak about online as well as some of the experiences i’ve had. 

guilt as illness

this is more general to the whole play i guess but i wanted to point out how the consequences of the macbeths’ regicide is absolutely portrayed as a disease. there’s a LOT of foreshadowing in lady macbeth’s advice to her husband in the immediate aftermath of their murder: she tells him not to “think / so brain sickly of things”, and says, “these deeds must not be thought / after these ways so, it will make us mad”. (2.ii) the doctor later alludes to “infected minds” (5.i) in relation to lady macbeth’s madness. the fact that the fixation on guilt is seen as an illness i think fits so well with ocd: whenever im having a bad day with intrusive thoughts and mental spirals it genuinely feels like there is something festering in my brain like a parasite feeding on anxiety. 

guilt is also so intrinsically linked to sleep in macbeth: famously macbeth comes out of the king’s chamber ranting about how he may “sleep no more; macbeth doth murder sleep”, and lady macbeth’s obsession pours out of her when she is sleeping (and this is exactly why a doctor is called). i would argue that fucked up sleep is somewhat presented as an illness in ‘macbeth’ too; or if not, at least unnatural. this idea is all over act 2 scene ii (right after macbeth commits the murder) but i think it’s best epitomised in act 3 scene iv: “you lack the season of all natures, sleep.” (lady macbeth) season as in both night-season and seasoning/preservative. so sleep is both a natural part of life, and something that keeps things the way nature or god intended. the doctor says too that disturbed sleep is “a great perturbation in nature” (5.i). nightmares are DEFINITELY depicted as illness: macbeth says that they “sleep / in the affliction of these terrible dreams / that shake us nightly” (3.ii)

insomnia is highly associated with ocd since the obsessions/compulsions prevent sleep and sleep deprivation increases the commonality AND duration of obsession. if a significant portion of your day is spent devoted to obsessions/compulsions, there’s a chance they may become assimilated into intrusive dreams, since dreams are generally regarded as a way that the brain processes memories. thus, we can see that the way guilt in ‘macbeth’ is linked to disturbed sleep parallels how ocd is linked to sleep disorders. so not only is guilt itself an illness in ‘macbeth’, it links to other disorders too

2. withdrawal from dialogue

lady macbeth stops being on equal footing in terms of number of lines with macbeth after the murder. from act 3 she really only responds briefly to what macbeth says, and she’s not even in act 4. i sort of see that as her being dragged under her spiralling thoughts and retreating further and further back into her mind. i know i definitely zone out a LOT more on days where im being absolutely bombarded by intrusive thoughts. she’s definitely disoriented by the begining of act 3:

nought’s had, all's spent, where our desire is got without content. ’tis safer to be that which we destroy, than by destruction dwell in doubtful joy. (3.ii)

the whole soliloquy (if you can even call it that—it’s only 2 couplets) is riddled with paradoxes and confusing wording. her mind is completely scattered and it feels to me as if she’s just been arguing with herself. this might be reaching slightly (as if this entire post isnt kind of reaching already. sorry) but to me it kind of mirrors the absurd leaps of logic my intrusive thoughts and rumination can sometimes take: how can it be “safer” to be destroyed? how can “joy” be doubtful? it doesn’t make sense, and it’s confusing and frightening, but it feels absolutely real. (also note: as you’ve said before ocd is sometimes called the doubting disease. and lady macbeth calls her experience “doubtful”….

3. the mad scene

(disclaimer again i KNOW she is supposed to be asleep the entire time BUT i am going to. sort of. ignore that. sorry</3)

in the beginning of act 5 scene i, lady macbeth’s lady-in-waiting says,

since his majesty went into the field, I have seen her rise from her bed, throw her nightgown upon her, unlock her closet, take forth paper, fold it, write upon't, read it, afterwards seal it, and again return to bed — yet all this while in a most fast sleep.

i’ve never experienced physical compulsions myself, but this sort of repeated, methodical act matches how i’ve seen people describe them. the doctor specifically calls them “actual performances”, which suggest, i think, something mechanical and dictated in some way; “perform” is definitely a word i’ve seen people use to descrive carrying out compulsions. (do correct me if i’m wrong!)

then let’s look at lady macbeth’s actual speech:

out, damned spot, out, I say. — one, two — why, then, 'tis time to do't. — hell is murky. — fie, lord, fie, a soldier, and afeard! what need we fear who knows it, when none can call our power to account? yet who would have thought the old man to have had so much blood in him?

the jumping around of her thoughts honestly feels exactly like my mind alternating between intrusive thoughts and desperately trying to justify why they aren’t true. she goes from reflecting on her debillitating guilt, to being anxious about going to hell, to replaying and checking her memories, to reassuring herself (and macbeth) that she won’t get caught, and then to thinking about her guilt again. it’s a rapid-fire, relentless cycle that continues throughout the scene. she’ll jump from reenacting a moment with her husband, to the obsessing over the blood on her hands, then back again. notably, in her address to macbeth, she never seems to be reenacting the exact same moment. she taunts him for his cowardice seemingly before the murder, then pleads with him, saying that “banquo cannot come out his grave”, then goes back to when they are fleeing the crime scene. i think this reflects the sort of distortion of memory that constant memory checking and ocd can cause. the moodswings and the flip-flopping between “everything’s fine” and “i’m going to hell” are also SO intense and honestly it’s exactly what it feels like on my worst days. 

in the entire scene, lady macbeth speaks in prose instead of verse: it’s obviously a sign of madness by itself, but i also think it reflects the complete loss of control she has over her thoughts and actions. in the beginning acts she is all about control: she demands “spirits / that tend on mortal thoughts” (1.v) to do her bidding, she tells macbeth to “leave all the rest to me” (1.v), and she tells him what to do at every moment. but at this point in the play she can’t stop the onslaught of regrets, guilt, and memories, and she can’t even control herself physically.

speaking of the elephant in the room: the excessive handwashing. i think of lady macbeth’s handwashing as less of a reaction to a genuine fear of contamination, but as something more akin to body-repetitive behaviours like skin-picking (dermatillomania) and hair-pulling (trichitillomania, which i think i have) which are associated with ocd.

i sort of headcanon lady macbeth to have absolutely horrible skin splits on her hands (<- this part is complete projection): and so following this interpretation, i think of her handwashing sort of as a form of self-flagellation because rubbing her hands continually will make the skin tear and bleed. (gore tw?) that, then, fits in with the blood on her hands: in her semi-conscious state she thinks it’s duncan’s, when it’s really hers.

i know that another common compulsion is counting: and lady macbeth does count (“one, two—’tis time to do it.”) one of the reasons people with ocd may count (and there are many reasons, this is not the be-all-end-all) is “attaching meaning to particular numbers where certain numbers will induce anxiety, while others will reduce anxiety. for example, if you assign special meaning to the number three, you might count your steps by threes, or lock and unlock your car three times before driving, or any variety of other action ruled by this magic number.” (<- quoted from nocd website)

i also know that repetition of words or phrases is another common compulsion. and these are lady macbeth's final lines:

to bed, to bed; there's knocking at the gate. come, come, come, come, give me your hand. what's done cannot be undone. — to bed, to bed, to bed.

4. her death

in your ocd hamlet post, you talked about how hamlet’s death is almost peaceful in his “silence”, and how horatio, despite knowing all his flaws and obsessions, believes wholeheartedly in his salvation. (that honestly means the world to me, by the way, so thank you.) the macbeths went through EVERYTHING together: the planning, the crime itself, the aftermath—it’s clear from their dialogue that at the beginning of their sufferings they saw each other go through sleeplessness, nightmares, and obsession. but over the course of the play, they completely fall apart. (i think the last time macbeth uses “we” to refer to the two of them is to say “we’ll to sleep” and “we are yet but young in deed”, which is the most ironic thing ever.) macbeth’s only response to lady macbeth’s death is “she should have died hereafter.” i honestly don’t know what that means in terms of the ocd reading, or in comparison with horatio's reaction to hamlet's death. i'd love to know what you think.

thanks for bearing with me!! i’m a bit less confident in this reading than i am for ocd hamlet, and it’s more likely i’ll get something wrong about ocd in this one, but sorry i just wanted to unleash this somewhere i hope that’s okay and genuinely please tell me if i say anything wrong or insensitive! i also typed this over 3 hours and went over the text as if this was a homework essay.....? and it is now almost 2am so i’m sorry if this isn’t coherent. i hope you’re having a wonderful day :)

hi same anon here i forgot to put this in but. i listened to verdi macbeth opera mad scene una macchia è qui tuttora the whole time i was writing that thing in case anyone would like to know...... i love it so so much my favourite video recording is by sylvia sass on youtube https://youtu.be/tP59Ox8MdQ4?feature=shared&t=319 AND there are full productions of the opera on youtube as well. thank you so much for reading!!!!

YES.... YES..... YESSSSSSSSSS I LOVE AN OCD LADY MACBETH... IT'S ABOUT THE GUILT IT'S ABOUT THE REPETITION DOES EVERYONE HEAR ME? TODAY WE ARE DOING GUILT AND REPETITION

i have had similar thoughts about the sort of inherent trickiness of it (oh, the lady who washes her hands a lot has ocd? whoa, totally original thought that has nothing to do with pop culture perception of ocd) (and also she did kill a man). but you really said it all with that ksdhfdksnfdsn. i will pitch in that i DO have handwashing compulsions and tbh. i personally think lady macbeth ocd reading is a net win even if it does trail a little close to stereotypes because if you dig even slightly deeper than "haha handwashing" it allows for an examination of ocd not just as an action but also as a manifestation of guilt and illness. which is SO macbeth. the body politic is sick the government is sick!!! again im taking the words right out of your mouth here this ask whips ass

shaking your hand on conceiving of ocd as something parasitical. really feels like there is some Thing up there feeding on my brain. (also on intrusive thought dreams. fucked upppppp like man leave me alone)

AND ON THAT NOTE i feel like even if she is asleep it can still be ocd. i say this with no medical training whatsoever and this isn't, like, me asserting that people actually do compulsions while asleep, but on a narrative level, the emotional processes happening to her character are petty clear even if she's sleepwalking, right. once again no medical training whatsoever

the jumping around of her thoughts honestly feels exactly like my mind alternating between intrusive thoughts and desperately trying to justify why they aren’t true. [...] the moodswings and the flip-flopping between “everything’s fine” and “i’m going to hell” are also SO intense and honestly it’s exactly what it feels like on my worst days.

YEAH. YEAH. YEAH. the ugly intrusive thought -> self-reassurance -> self-reassurance makes it worse -> intrusive thought (harder and worse) spiral. and literally this is EXACTLY what it feels like. me when i accidentally say something rude and then i'm evil for three days. except she killed a man

i sort of headcanon lady macbeth to have absolutely horrible skin splits on her hands (<- this part is complete projection): and so following this interpretation, i think of her handwashing sort of as a form of self-flagellation because rubbing her hands continually will make the skin tear and bleed. (gore tw?) that, then, fits in with the blood on her hands: in her semi-conscious state she thinks it’s duncan’s, when it’s really hers.

YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH. ON AN ANALYTICAL LEVEL AND A PERSONAL LEVEL. LITERALLY THE LEAPS I CAN DO IN MY BEAUTIFUL MIND TO BE LIKE WOW IM JUST LIKE LADY MACBETH (BLOOD ON MY HANDS). YOU N ME BROTHER

and re: her death and the macbeths splintering apart. that is honestly the most painful part of this play for me, as a lover of evil couples and also of their specific dynamic. the fact that they mesh so well at the beginning (i mean, they argue, there's friction, but they're clearly on the same page--they enter their first shared scene both thinking the same thing and a lot of their communication is in implication) and then they just. fragment. and i think with the OCD ladymac reading it's even worse, because the thing about OCD at least in my experience is that. at some point the people around you stop being able to understand what the fuck your problem is. even when they're trying really hard. because it doesn't make any sense! the compulsions don't make logical sense the self-flagellation doesn't make any sense none of it is SOLVING anything but it also does make sense, To You, on a level you cannot really explain to people that don't Get It*. and so like. the macbeths are already breaking apart because of their responses to the murder, and this is just one more thing coming between them. she is trapped in a cage in her brain that he cannot see.

*(i think not infrequently about the overlap between OCD and psychosis; i haven't experienced psychosis and obviously there are major differences, but i relate a lot to what psychotic people have said about, like, the ability to hold multiple contradictory truths at once. my compulsions will not actually stop disasters from happening, but they also will. you could maybe pull in something about macbeth's parallel loss of control + his hallucinations? but i'm not diagnosing macbeth with psychosis necessarily i'm just saying words).

anyway, anon, i am always extremely impressed by your dedication to writing out quotes and coming armed with evidence, and also your analysis fucking bangs. this is such a good ask i need to frame it on the wall your mind is huge. i hope you have a wonderful day as well :)

[caitlynmeow]

Since you did Bela, can you do the the two remaining sisters for your prompt ?

Give me a character and I will answer:

Why I like them:

Daniela is the baby of the family and it shows because she's such a brat who doesn't listen to anything or anyone she has no problems arguing with Bela right in front of their mother because she knows that Alcina is not going to say anything about it. She's also different from her sisters and I think this is really what gives her that distinctive personality and you can't just not love that, you know? Like, the girls are vicious hunters and Daniela especially has little impulse control (slashing that maid's face with a knife just because) but she's actually more tame and the weakest hunter out of the three. She has her own hobbies, she'd much rather be reading or looking after her flowers (she takes that very seriously) than go out and hunt. It made her weaker, which is why Alcina locked her up in the library to protect her because while she dotes on her youngest, she knows when things are about to get serious and that's when mama gets all protective. Cassandra- I love how fucking dramatic she is???? Waving that handkerchief is what did it for me I just knew this one is different and I was right. She's a brat, but unlike Daniela she doesn't keep to herself. Bela is appalled by the mess Cassandra caused in the cellars because this is just her brand. Chasing Ethan around going all "rawr" and literally just messing with him? Pure gold. I also live how her dramatic ass makes her flies scream when her mother is nearby just so that Alcina can make an entrance. You can easily tell she's a handful and the fact that their mother chose her to team up with tells you a lot. Alcina literally just lets her play and have fun, but she gets all serious and scolds her when it's needed. Idk but honestly Cassandra is the one who's closest to Alcina and she lives for the drama.

Why I don’t:

Doesn't apply. They're adorable cinnamon rolls who did nothing wrong their whole lives.

Favorite episode (scene if movie):

I loved Daniela arguing with Bela the most because yes this is obviously the baby and she's not afraid to run her mouth.

My favorite is how excited Cassandra gets when her mother is around like girlie is just beaming and literally just bouncing in excitement???? So precious.

Favorite season/movie:

Long live Castle Dimitrescu.

Favorite line:

Daniela: "Ugh! Ow, so mean!" Cassandra: "Look forward to what mother has in store for you."

Favorite outfit:

I think Daniela would rock any crop top. Cassandra in any type of skinny jeans is just too hot for us mortals to handle.

Head Canon

Daniela:

1- She loves her sisters!! She argues with them a lot, and she always feels like they don't take her seriously but she cannot imagine living without them. 2- Despite her personality, she actually doesn't like anything related to horror and gets scared easily. 3- She has an innocent mindset. She doesn't always assume the worst about people, often taking their word at face value which can end her in bad situations because she does fall for these things (its also because she's eager to help) 4- She admires her mother greatly, hoping that one day she can grow up and be just as pretty. 5- She loves pranks and practical jokes! She pulls them on anybody, doesn't matter if its a family member or a staff member. Bored Daniela is going to have her fun one way or another.

Cassandra:

1- She loves souvenirs! Like whether in game or any AU, she's the one who just loves to have a reminder. In the game she literally says that, and she often keeps hair and nails of her victims because hey why not, you know? I think she'd be the same in modern AU like any place they visit Cass is the one raiding these souvenir shops buying heaps of things she doesn't really need. 2- Cassandra is sensitive! And ironically, she's the one who is more guarded (esp with her feelings) so it's not easy to tell. But those who really know her know exactly her fragile her emotions are. 3- She is possessive. What's hers is hers and girlie doesn't like to share anything. 4- She gives off left-handed energy so I will confidently say that she's left handed. 5- She is a big introvert!! She prefers keeping to herself and recharging her social battery at home as opposed to being out all the time. Despite her wild chaotic energy, Cassandra needs her quiet time to find her balance again.

Unpopular opinion:

Daniela actually has more self preservation instincts than her sisters. She's the only sister who runs into hiding when the window is open because she knows she can't fight like that. So she does the right thing (unlike her sisters who just charge in not caring that they're freezing to death) So I really think she's the more sensible one who actually thinks before acting. Cassandra: She-- How do I say this, she enjoys being part of a family? With her especially, she's never alone. Alcina is literally with her, and she talks about calling Bela and she even call out to her sisters. I think this goes back to her being more sensitive which means she's more emotional than the others and really holds her family dear. She's always talking about them and being with them. She literally was never alone during the castle section like Alcina knows which daughter constantly needs her presence and we can all see that. It's just that Cassandra is actually a huge family person but she's good at hiding so only her mom and sisters know about it.

A wish:

;w; can we pls get a dlc with their lives in the castle before Ethan happened.

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen:

Nope, been there done that. They still live in my heart though. Canon? I don't know her.

5 words to best describe them:

Daniela: funny - smart - resourceful - spoiled - quick to anger Cassandra: drama queen - sentimental - hunter - sassy - mama's girl

My nickname for them:

Daniela: Dani- baby Cassandra: Cass - Cassie

[niinnyu]

A little rant about leaks because I'm lowkey dreading them. And I'd appreciate it if you'd read it (and if not... 👁👁).

I find the jjk fandom's (though it's true for others too) reliance on leaks very off-putting. I know people want to look forward to something in the middle of the week and talk about it, but this just feels disrespectful, while also being at the cost of other people getting to enjoy it as they want to whether you care about getting spoiled or not.

So many people just don't tag leaks and spoilers properly (forget places where tagging doesn't even make a difference). Seeing things trending with the context of previous chapters explains everything. Not to mention people mis-tagging spoilers and leaks interchangeably (you can remove leak tags after the chapter is officially published but not spoiler tags!!) And no, you're not subtle with your 'out of context spoilers' to someone who has all previous context.

But what boggles my mind is why would you want someone to shout the punchline of a joke in your face before any of the setup has been done. You'll have a bunch of deepfried 2 pixel screenshot of screenshot quality manga panels of crucial moments with none of the build up and pacing. Paired with the most lacklustre explainations of what's happening (the phrasing of which can be biased to the leaker's opinions). Translating isn't easy. To convey what exactly something means from one language to another in an effective and in the intended way isn't easy (shoutout to fan translators tho y'all are amazing thank you for your time and effort)

And whether you care about the story or not, heck even if you think the mangaka themself doesn't care about it, it is just so disrespectful to the content that you're consuming. Making comics and manga isn't easy (churning them weakly is insane imo esp when a lot of mangaka aren't even full time artists) so why wouldn't you allow yourself to consume their story the way they've themself laid it out. Where one panel comes after the other. Where one expression has context in the next page. Where a dialogue has weight only when placed with another dialogue. Give the creator(s) this little grace too, because whether you like a story or not, there is still a huge amount of effort and skill, by multiple people, going into it.

And I personally love interacting with the fandoms I'm in, literally sometimes the only source of joy I have (yes ik leave me alone) is interacting with other fans and having my mind blown over their art and writing and theories. And I'd rather not be spoiled unless I'm myself seeking them out or just reading the actual chapter. So this involves me either spoiling it for myself before someone else does it, or spoiler dodging for 5 OUT OF 7 DAYS A WEEK EVERY WEEK.

I'm not even saying you should only look for official sources or whatever because I know not everyone has access to legal places to read (tho the shounen jump app is there for those interested, but yeah i get it for other publications), but there are better ways to read/hate-readyour fav/least fav manga out there without ruining it for someone else. The wait is juuust a couple of days more. There is absolutely no dearth of fan made content that can't help you last another few days, maybe your new fav fan creator is right around a little wait (ahem check my bs out if you'd like ahem ahem).

I just want to be able to interact with the fandom for more than just 2 days a week, and I don't like my accounts dying because i dissapear 5 days either, and is that a such a bad thing? I come online to have fun, not run an obstacle race y'know?

[millepara]

himitsu no aipri episode 1 (a week late)

it's been so long since I've written about a priseries (or any other idol) show... I'm realizing that I legit didn't think I'd ever get the chance again. I got tired of doing it before because I felt like I was either complaining too much (planet) or just happy abt everything that was happening (primagi) and thus had nothing interesting to say either way, but ever since watching aipri on sunday I've been looking forward to this... I think I'm just happy about new idol anime content after such a long drought tbh but it's something good that aipri has already brought us, no matter what you or I think of anything else about it.

I missed the first 5 minutes bc I was reading bad fanfiction in bed to wake up (nigh daily routine) and totally forgot abt aipri... then I did remember and had to sprint to my computer, but the stream kept stopping so I missed some critical stuff throughout. I liked the ep okay, but maybe actually seeing all of it will improve it?

ohhh ok it starts off with those cute lemon coords in the op. actually this does help, those coords are easily my favs that I've seen in aipri so far. esp Mitsuki's blue one is sooo cute... I am saying this as a person that buys every single blue gingham item of clothing I come across though haha. I will say that the coord & dance totally don't match the sort of sweeping fairytale (just mistyped that as dairytale. hm) majesty that the bgm and voiceover is going for, but...

oh, I didn't know that Mitsuki had a snippet of performance in here. I've seen it in gameplay videos already, I like it ok---wow, it's already over.

the way Mitsuki is pausing for her viewers to answer is just like shows for preschoolers... they're really going after that age group, huh. (do actual streamers do stuff like that....?)

oh, I already saw Himari get a call from her sister. looks like I only missed 1 minute.

that is the ugliest anime dog I've ever seen, hands down, but Hiiro is cute. I'm sure she's well on her way to being the Non or whoever the prichan little sister was of aipri, in terms of popularity.

I do think it is very, very interesting that in this pretty series anime which is aimed at perhaps the youngest audience yet, they have put the mc in a dorm, away from her family. weird. actually I am for the first time realizing exactly how many anime have schools with dorms. you'd think japan is overflowing w boarding schools but idk of a single one lmao...

Mitsuki: it sure was the right decision to move into the dorm!

Himari: (completely ignores her statement to bring up aipri)

Himari's look out of aipri is really cute, I've finally decided. it's a shame that her twintails as an aipri are such a weird shape??? why do they curve up on the outside like that, all I can see is a large intestine when I look at them...... :(

the first time I watched this my internet cut out just as Mitsuki's face was approaching Himari's. I knew what she was doing bc of the comic in the aipri fanbook, but still it was like, oh! looks like it's gonna be another totally straight pretty series show!

oh man, the op. the song itself is cute and catchy, but this vtuber's voice is just too much, and it gets more too much as the song goes on. I get the appeal of her being a "real-life aipri", and presumably she's popular so her fans might be drawn to watch, but I hope she doesn't sing the next op too..... oh you know what would be kind of cool is if every op was sung by a different vtuber. that way if one sucked we wouldn't have to hear them again, and they'd showcase a lot of different people.

Meganee is especially exceptionally cute in her op cameo!!!

oh. A Crush. let it be insignificant 🙏 but if they become idol princesses too I'll allow it.

I like Chii's voice a lot, and her passion regarding aipri, but on the list of things I'm finding myself saying "oh. shame :( " about is her unfortunate hairstyle. also speaking of things that remind me of other things, her name Chii Mamiya sounds like "chi mamire" (blood-soaked) or "chi mame" (blood blister). surely I am not the only Japanese understander who hears this.

Yusa Kouji-sensei has by far my fav character design in this show. he is officially my favorite aipri.

wow, it's the classic post-covid tv broadcast opening ceremony... a chillingly real element in this fantasy rich kid school. irl this is the first year since covid we've had in-person opening ceremonies in many schools, it's a shame they don't get to at paradise academy yet lmao

I'm not even going to touch this whole welcome speech. I'm just going to slowly back away and pretend like I didn't see anything.

I love the aikatsu-level background character design in this classroom!! bicolor twintails is cute.

I wonder if these elementary schoolers are relevant or are just there to show how many people are watching Himari.

lmao despite what I said about Chii I think we were sharing the same braincell when she said "Her Victoria levels are out of control!!" they totally are!!

am I misunderstanding this or did Victoria not ban aipri? didn't she say "in moderation" only...? this is literally the same kind of thing schools say irl abt cutting down on screen time. just more dramatic.

so the elementary kid is relevant. Yuma... will he be an aipri too? if not, why would he even exist?

I didn't catch the first time around that this bracelet was the one uh, Candy Motif was fiddling with in the student council meeting. where'd she get it from?

this is the least amount of love I've ever seen put into a commercial break eyecatch.

are the aimus... cute? I can't see it...

it's very funny that the lipstick immediately disappears when they go 3d. they knew it looks bad, and they've still gotta cram it in there for that single second to sell toys.

this cgi. I think everyone's said it so far, but it's really not the best... I think I might like the game's graphics a little better, even. I do like seeing the coords lit up at least.

P.O.P.P.Y is a cute enough song. it's just barely on the listenable side of the line for me, but I do think it's a great match for what aipri is going for. also that is definitely a dance that was made for preschoolers to imitate.

buzzalyume... idk if anyone is aware or not, but buzz is a word that's in really common use regarding social media in japan atm. like you would say "that's buzzing" (literally I mean, figuratively it's more like "that's all the buzz" like the english use of the word) about something that's all over your timeline or whatever. so it's not totally out of left field for them to choose that word in particular, but it doesn't mean that it sounds any less forced, that's for sure!!

Bear Bear Bear's voice is cute.

I don't like these emoji reactions all over the screen. not cute.

the ed is cute.

...finally, I watched it all. whew. I have to say, I was not wowed by it! but it was fine. it's far better than having no pretty series at all. I keep thinking "I'll put off my opinion till I know more about it" about aipri and I'm tempted to say it again now--in this episode we barely met the main two characters in favor of worldbuilding. it kind of makes sense as the first ep of a little kid show, but will the rest of the show stay at this same level of character depth? it's way too early to say. but for me, that's what'll determine how much I like it.

[yc-shiya]

danganronpa universe dashboard simulator

💔 monoslayy Follow

rlly it’s not “pretentious” to not find the newer seasons better?? listen i love the new ones as much as anyone else (ESP DANRON 48 UGHHHHH WTFFF) but to act like the junko twist is still subversive is just WRONG

😈 junkosgirl04 Follow

Literally who said that lol this is not an unpopular opinion at all

💔 monoslayy Follow

are you biased maybe “junkosgirl04”

☠️ the-sauna-scene Follow

they did him so dirtyyyy 😭 we do not talk about this hair ATROCITY!!! its not even funny

🌟dangan-wrongpa Follow

I find it really interesting that you so-called “sympathetic” Danganronpa fans are always harping on about the tragedies of the characters played by *REAL LIFE ACTORS* rather than the later seasons when the showrunners recruited and killed *TEENAGERS* for money and views. It’s one level of wrong to be a fan of the show and still acknowledge its problems, especially with the newer releases. It’s something else entirely to still be talking about seasons one, two, three…and completely ignore the ongoing human rights violation that is modern day Danganronpa. You people disgust me. I sincerely wish you could take a better look at the media you consume, because it’s actually, LITERALLY killing people.

☠️ the-sauna-scene Follow

not reading that

🌟 dangan-wrongpa Follow

wow! posting fetish art of REAL LIVING PEOPLE too! literally nothing shocks me anymore with you freaks!!!

🍬 kimurasgf Follow

hey wait arent you the guy who auditioned for season 53 pitching yourself as the ultimate vtuber? lmfao?

🧈 death-by-balls Follow

If i had a nickel for every danganronpa man ive loved who was executed and turned into butter, i would have three nickels, which isnt a lot, but its weird that its happened thrice

#in 1 then 13 then 39 #they were cooking tho ngl 🔥🔥

🍀 hopefulservant Follow

listen i can be fucked in the head sometimes but we srsly gotta take a step back and consider how the series is exploiting mentally ill people for content. i mean, whens the last time we had a double or triple murder where the killer wasn’t already, or eventually revealed to be, mentally ill? What is that saying, exactly??

💣 togamicorp Follow

more👏neurotypical👏serial👏killers👏

🔪 chapter3sweetheart Follow

OP i have some news about your best boy

🍀 hopefulservant Follow

….agh…….my worthless talent…….

🎹 warriorsofdope Follow

okay can someone tell me why im seeing ship discourse about danganronpa 48 again? i thought we all played the same game and came to the consensus that the optional romance event with the whole class was universally canonical

🔮 30-percent Follow

Some of us didn’t get it on our playthrough 😒 also Sorry but I don’t like some of the cast of danganronpa 48. I don’t want them all shipped together.

🎹 warriorsofdope Follow

I can’t forgive you . Im gonna have to kill you for having that opinion.

🌟 dangan-wrongpa Follow

you shouldn’t ship the cast of danganronpa 48 because half of them are confirmed clones of Junko. go through chapter 5 again if you forgot.

🚀 femmesakura Follow

SHUT UP ABOUT THE JUNKO CLONES SHUT UP ABOUT THE JUNKO CLONES SHUT UP ABOUT THE JUNKO CLONES SHUT UP ABOUT THE JUNKO CLONES SHUT UP ABOUT THE JUNKO CLONES SHUT UP ABOUT THE JUNKO CLONES

THAT THEORY WAS DISPROVEN IN DANGANRONPA 49 STFU STFU STFU HOW ARE PEOPLE STILL THINKING THIS?!?!?

🐹 gundamwenttohell Follow

dont bother with him hes the vtuber guy

[cpunkwitch]

answering my own questions

[pt: answering my own questions]

dont really get sent anything and not many people sent in the questions when the games were posted and reblogged, and i wanted to talk about stuff, so here we are.

this might end up being a multiple part post series?

ask game one (link)

(if comfortable) tell us about your condition? as much info as youre comfy with sharing.

i have a defect in the base of my spine, since i was born its caused me chronic pain all throughout my development and in recent years its only gotten worse, twisting my spine, headaches, jaw issues etc. i've also got highly suspected rheumatoid arthritis, fibromyalgia and ive been diagnosed with a pretty bad case of anemia so bad that everytime a doctor looks at my results after bloodwork they give me a pained look and say "heyy...did you know your iron is low? like...really really low?". that and a hand full of other things, vitamin deficiencies, etc. i dont mind talking more about this

2. do you know about the spoon theory? if yes, what do you think of it?

i'll be honest, the majority of my knowledge of spoon theory off the top of my head is that "drawer with limited supply of spoons" is the disabled way of saying i only have so much motivation and energy (phys, as "battery" usually refers to social and emotional) in me. i've read up on it ages ago but would not be able to put into better words what i still remember about spoon theory (esp since we had a different host back then), i like that its just so much quicker and easier to convey my amount of ability to do things for the day by saying whether or not i have the spoons for it.

i do like to joke that my drawer is always stocked with knives and forks for the ablests, but sometimes that requires spoons to handle too. /silly

3. do you have mobility aids? if yes, which ones? if no, do you want any in the future?

i've mention how i really wish i could have a wheelchair if i were in a different situation, i dont know if i'll ever get one and i almost cried when my brother responded to my joke of "would you make on for me?" with an "i would if i could", i really would like a wheelchair of some kind in the future if the world were more accessible and i were in a safer place. right now though, i've just got my cane that still needs repainting. i guess my moms back brace counts too, i take it with me to work sometimes.

4. how did you find out about cripplepunk? what drew you to the community and movement?

i dont exactly remember but i've known about it for years. i (prev host) might have come across it looking up different punk aesthetics, though im not completely sure why it showed up in a punk aesthetic list, possibly because its punk and people misinterpreted it? my first glimpse was seeing patches on jackets, spiked customized aids, cripples/phys disabled people in your classic punk attire (piercings, dyed spiked mohawks, ripped jeans and fingerless gloves) and i loved it. im a sucker for self expression through appearance and customizing things and then when i found out it was a whole community for support and centered around being physically disabled in general and slowly came to terms with my own disabled body and started accepting myself, i kinda fell in love with cripplepunk in the "this feels like home" sense.

i could probably ramble way more but i'll stop there.

5. if you deal with any kind of pain, what's your method of pain management?

i use hot packs, ice packs, voltaren cream, sometimes i take a cbd gummy, i do little stretches when i remember them, i take walks and hot baths/showers, im trying to go back to the chiropractor and my favourite instructors in rehab (theyre trans friendly and complimented my cane when i first came in with it i love them so much), and i take whatever meds i can, normally anti-inflammatory like ibuprofen but because i cant swallow pills i either take liquid (yeah, childs liquid meds works, the couple hours of mild relief is still worth it) or powdered tylenol or something. the hot/cold stuff depends on the pain and where on my body the pain is.

6. do you stand or sit in the shower or do you prefer baths/find bathing easier rather than showers?

i take baths for my muscles and during the damn monthly ouch in order to relax my body. i take showers just for my shoulders and when im feeling icky and wanna rinse off or something, i take showers on a "regular" basis and i normally stand because the only way i sit is if im crouched in the tub and if i do that i get extra dizzy standing up to get out when i turn the water off. thankfully im no longer near passing out when i take a shower but i still have to sit on the floor matt after because my legs demand rest. i gotta be careful with hot water cuz not only will it make me overheat quickly (i will not realize if in standing in blood-boiling hot water and turning myself into a cooked lobster until after im out) but it can also cause me to literally fall asleep in the bath which can go wrong.

7. do you have a sort of comfort item or safety blanket that helps you feel better, especially on the worst days?

a couple things. a few of them are stuffies/plushies, or music, games or books to help me keep my mind off it i suppose.

8. name 3 things you hate about hospitals/doctors/nurses/the medical system

a) a lot of them refuse to take people seriously or actually listen. sure maybe theyre tired or heard the same shtick before and wanna make sure this person isnt just a drug user trying to pity their way into getting more, but even then all matters a patient presents them with should still be taken seriously and never brushed off or mocked.

b) the fact that the er, the place you take a ticket and wait, is called the Emergency Room, when its normally scheduled appointments and people taken in by the ambulance that are top priority. sure its called the er because most visits through the er are rushed "emergency" last minute visits, people going there because they couldnt schedule an appointment and needed to see someone on that day, but still it feels wrong to call it the emergency room when its really just a waiting room and regardless of the visit they arent actually treated as emergencies. the whole system of just going to see a doctor feels messed up and most of the time you end up just going to see a nurse, get a check up and leave when they tell you what they got after a talk and examination or they schedule to see you again when a doctor is available. because of this i tend to prefer walk in clinics.

c) the fact that they charge to damn much, no matter if youre insured, it still charges so much. no matter what they do. and yeah, healthcare in canada is free to an extent if youre insured but a lot of times they charge more than your insurance can cover and not everyone can get/has insurance. not to mention the medical debt so many people have in america. i get that staff and hospitals need pay and funding but the government should have that covered and not have the patients charged so much for getting help. i almost got charged over 3k just for my short visit to the ward because there was an issue with my insurance and thats a whole angry story for another time.

9. whats an accessibility tool you wish was more accessible/that you had access to?

one of them is aac, the one i have on my phone i have to disconnect my phone to and has a limited amount of phrases i can pick from. id like it better if the app or just aac programs in general when directly to your device speaker by default, had more options for more ease conversing and none of them were behind a damn pay wall, in-app purchase or otherwise. i rarely use it for several reasons but i'd love if i could use it more with less limitations.

also wheelchair ramps. i dont have a wheelchair ramp but i wish people stopped walking on them when theyre clearly able-bodied, i wished my parents taught me and my siblings what the ramps were for and not to run up and down them as well as other parents to their kids because those things are supposed to be clear for a wheelchair user. i also think the corners should be rounded for ease of turning and that wheelchair accessible paths in general should be firm to the ground (not a wimpy matt on the sand that flips over and gets buried on the beach unmaintained), maintained and cleaned regularly, not have any gaps (ive seen so many of the small ones installed in doorways that have a height gap above the ground which causes trouble getting the wheelchair on the ramp let alone through the damn door) and not have railings made of metal if theyre outside (they can often reflect light into peoples eyes and get too hot to touch in the sun both of which are not good issues to have no matter how small they seem.)

those are at least the first to come to mind.

10. whats the worst accessability cockblock you've seen ableds do/make?

theres quite a few i've seen but atm nothing significant comes to mind other than overpricing mobility aids or placing paywalls in front of aids in general.

however there was the few times in more than one school i went to you had to go to the office, provide a 'valid' reason and ask them for a key to the elevator, otherwise they make you take the stairs. i know they do it because they dont want able-bodied kids messing with it n shit but its stupid, it should be accessible to everyone regardless. thank fuck both collages ive been to so far give free elevator use to any staff or student but in the schools i went to i was only allowed have the access key because i couldnt walk up the steps on my sprained/twisted ankle and i had to give it back at the end of every day. the last school even limited my use to just the morning or 1-2 periods that i had on the second floor. nevermind if my locker was up there.

11. whats an accessibility tool youre very thankful for?

screen readers. my little brother uses/used em more than me and i dont use them too often but im glad they exist in general i used them when i was younger and my english teachers gave us work on the computer, i used it like an audiobook and it helped me majorly. i hate that people dont always provide translations to things and make things harder on screen readers by using coloured, tiny, non-serif font-ed or 'quirked' text but ever since i was a kid i was just as happy they existed as i was about braille.

12. name 3 things you like about hospitals/docs/nurses/the medical system

a) that there are some people there who are actually hoping, willing and ready to listen and help others.

b) that they provide things for kids like toys in the waiting room, people who specialize in caring for kids in the hospital, some doctors even have their office decorated. one doctor i went to had her entire office winnie the pooh themed and it helped me out a lot when i got blood work done n stuff, it was really comforting to stare at pooh bear instead of the sharp pokey in my arm.

c) that things are usually kept quiet with low voices, as it reduces risk of overstimulation as well as avoids hurting anyones head and protects privacy of those talking about whats going on. voices are usually only raised to a normal talking level when in the privacy of a nurse or doctor office and its something i dont see really acknowledged anywhere.

13. do you have any favourite disability rep? (media or character)

not picking from my own sources, when it comes to physical disability rep, its hard for me to pick something that involves a realistic character because most of them arent very well portrayed or i cant personally relate to. i can list Freddy freeman as one, hes a crutch user and how the shazam movie portrayed him does well in expressing what ableism can be like for some visibly disabled kids in school. i could probably list some shows that handle disability well through other means if i thought of them, i know theres a few that handle it through super heros being disabled (the one spider-person who's got both a wheelchair and a cane from the recent spiderverse movie for example) or non-human characters having differences that are implied to be disabilities, and i adore that creativity, especially with showing disabled super heros as it tells disabled kids theyre still strong, not broken, they can still be cool and do great things just like able-bodied people. hard for me to name specific things off the top of my head though, guess i like specific tropes around disability rep more than anything. it helps normalize disability and thats what really makes me happy with it. (thats a big reason why i made @/your-fave-is-crippled)

14. least favourite/worst disability rep?

not phys disabled but sia's fucked up movie right off the bat still angers me. i cant name any specifics once again, normally if theres some rep that i dont like i purposely forget they exist to begin with, they arent worth remembering if they arent gonna do it right, y'know? id rather forget and move on than linger and rage about it if i can help it.

15. list some creators (youtubers/bloggers etc) that are disabled and/or cater to a disabled audience that you enjoy? (if any)

@crippled-pvp, @cripple-culture-is are a couple blogs i follow that i enjoy seeing on my dash (sorry if you dont want to be tagged!)

there was a deaf/hoh girl i used to frequent the content of as she talks a lot about signing and i really enjoyed her videos, shes such a sweet person but i never remembered her name nor any of the other creators i watched/followed. no one else comes to mind atm

16. favourite aspect about the general disabled community?

i like that there are people with advice at the ready, whatever question you have or info you need etc, theres always going to be someone with the words you need. i just like how helpful people can be in general in this community and how easily support is accessed through the community.

17. least favourite aspect about the general disabled community?

the fact that theres in-fighting, fake claiming, judgment, quick assumptions, and general internalized ableism still going on when we're supposed to be a community helping each other out not tearing each other down. im not just talking about the fight over "inclusion vs exclusion" on cripplepunk and other sub/separate communities in the disability community.

18. favourite aspect about cripplepunk?

i think my answer to "what drew you to cripplepunk" also answers this.

19. least favourite aspect about cripplepunk?

honestly? none. i hate the people forcing themselves into a space not meant to include them nor benefits them in the first place. i cant actually think of an issue i have with the cpunk community, only issues with people outside being upset over how "exclusive" it is because they want in.

20. free space:

feel free to ask me about any of my answers! i'll make a second post for the second ask game some other time. its currently 11pm and i have to get up early for morning classes yuck

[ID: banner reading "dni if... proship, transx/id, syscourse/discourse blog, anti-mspec lesbians/gays, anti-lesboy/turigirl more in pinned rentry. this blog is protected by the addams family, the de rolo family and co." in all black lowercase text. It has a grey cloud background. On the left is the De Rolo coat of arms with a cobweb in the top corner and symmetrically flipped on the right is the symbol of Vox Machina with the same cobweb in the bottom corner :End ID]

[callipraxia]

Thanks for answering my other Ask!

I haven't read it yet, because I wanted to get this other planned Ask out first, but I am going to try to read ur Answer soon! And once again, thank u for answering it.

Anyways, just wanted to say: "From the first seven pages of the School Year Fic manuscript,"

"ut oh, it felt good to work again! So, rather late in the month, I have decided to make so bold as to set myself some 2024 writing goals:

1: Finish my three unfinished experiments (“A Year of Living Magically,” “Tracey’s Journal,” and “The Unexpected Memoirs of Fiddleford H. McGucket”). If successful, then never, ever touch first-person PoV ever again.

2: Complete and begin revising a typed draft of the still-untitled school year fic.

2a: think of a decent title for the school year fic

3: Finally write that essay about “Little Gift Shop of Horrors.”

4: At least finish the reading for the Ford essay, and decide what the thesis of that thing is even going to be at this point.

5: Start a new series. Working title is “Cipher’s Rejects.” I have a first volume worked out in my head and beyond that, my ideas begin and end with a couple of song lyrics, so that should be fun."

Good luck with all these and that I am really excited for these and/or any other GF and/or etc. plans u may have.

(Though, no rush. Like, I can wait and stuff. Motivation can be fickle and writing can take awhile. And etc.).

I am esp. excited for "Cipher's Rejects" just based on that name alone, and the school year fic sounds like the kind of fic I would really love.

Also gonna try to check out ur non-revised and/or etc. Ford essay u posted, that should be fun.

Seeing some recent reblogs talking about Ford and Bill (and others) - which were interesting and fun to read - certainly show the Ford essay(s) will be fine. Like Ford beng kind of trigger-happy (and angey and stuff). LIke in TBOB hiim going on rant about how Rudokoph should have burned down the North Pole to ground or something like for making fun of his deformity (man, people REALLY made fun of ur six fingers, huh, Ford. The poor dude. Though, this reaction is knd of extreme. Funny though, and very Ford honestly).

Or something I always think of (one of my favorite lines and/or scenes from one of my favorite episodes) where Ford pulls out a gun super right away, saying "Your math is no match for math!" (lol). So funnily trigger-happy. Tbf though, this could have worked, but in this case it didn't. Luckily, Stan was able to think of something and help save everyone.

And the talks about Bill being kind of a spiteful ex (lmao) and Ford trying to get Ford to destroy and rule and stuff everything with him.

Anyways, all those talks by you and others were interesting, and I am quite certain the Ford essay; both current and the revised one, will be interesting.

Last of all, that reblog of a post talking about how the Dipper that lost Mabel to Smile Dip hurt me. Like, such a mundane, and a very real feeling kind of death (even though Smile Dip - It is Smile Dip, right? - is kind of out there), and just how much guilt and how destroyed Dipper would feel from this.

Like, The Society of Blind Eye Dipper basically, Soul Dipper, Amulet Mabel (in my mind Amulet Dipper also exists too out there. Considering all the canon timelines and/or universes and fan stuff, it is very likely, at least.. Also, Reverse Falls is real - close to canon/basically canon in my heart - to me. I love it), Gnome Queen Mabel, Digital World Dipper, etc., etc. already got me, and were so dark and depressing, and got me so interested and stuff.

But seeing someone talk about that universe and/or timeline too also made me realize how dark and depressing that one was too, and how much story potential it has too (along with the others. And/or stuff based and/or inspired on the others, but not exactly those universes or something and/or etc.).

Alright, done with my Asks (for) now with this!

See u for now! And have a great whatever time it is for ya. ^^

2/2.

I was...perhaps a touch over-optimistic at the start of the year/after one good day, but I did write half a chapter of the 'Unexpected Memoirs' the other day, and I've had several essays this year, one of which was pretty popular. Slowly, slowly, I claw my way back, lol. Thanks for the support! 

The Rudolph Rant somehow managed to pass through my head without making much of an impression the first time I read it, but I've become a bit obsessed with it since then. It's a moment that tells us so much about Ford's state of mind at the time...and, although it's probably mostly a joke, it could also hint at just how close he might have been to tipping over the edge into villainy. Bill’s great mistake there may (this thought is still only half-formed) have been *over*-identification – either he didn’t/couldn’t quite accept that Ford was, after all, a person separate from himself (and therefore liable to act and react in ways Bill wouldn’t have), or Bill had some kind of Ledger-Joker-esque complex where he deliberately wanted to break everyone down to seeing the world his way, or at least do that to everyone who he takes into his gang, but either way, it may have been the key miscalculation in his strategy. If he had been able to see past that...well, I’m not sure it would have ultimately been very good for Bill anyway, on the millions-of-years scale at least, but if he’d played on Ford’s existing desires and rationalization superpower instead and presented taking over the world as a way to do a good thing, he probably could have slippery-sloped him into pretty terrifying territory in a relatively short period of time.

That was both clever and gloomy of the Death-By-Smile-Dip OP, and it makes a degree of sense. Officially, Smile Dip was expired candy, but it reads pretty clearly as Mabel doing a frightening quantity of psychedelic drugs...plus, if I’m not too far mistaken, the dog she was hallucinating is locked up in the same ward as Bill in the end, and that has odd and unsettling implications in-universe as well. I hadn’t considered that last bit until I typed this, but now that I did...if I’m right and the dog in the Theraprism is the same as the dog in Mabel’s Smile Dip hallucinations, then death might actually have been a good way from the most horrifying outcome she could have gotten out of that experience...I’d reblogged the post because I’d started rambling about whether or not all the angry alt-Pineses were actually dead (since there’s lots of ways the Pineses could have not ended up with the same outcomes which technically didn’t kill any of them), but erased that after I wandered by accident from there and into the multiple levels of horror that could be involved with Mabel the Gnome Queen...ended up concluding that GQM was actually probably luckier if she was dead. Not that this would probably make her any happier about it/about her alt-selves and the alt-Dippers who either escaped or got rescued (since a plausible backstory for GQM could easily involve the gnomes killing or permanently disabling Dipper during his efforts to rescue her).  

...Yeah, I’m not writing that, so if anyone else wants it, steal away and just drop me a link when you post it.  

[kidstemplatte]

Hii, hope I'm not too late to get a match-up !!

1- I'm genderqueer AFAB and use any pronouns, but I prefer feminine adjectives/descriptives. Idk how to explain, gender is confusing lmao

2- 4w5 INFJ

3- Besides my hyperfixation on Ghost, I have a special interest in satanism and the history of the devil at large, as well as LGBT+ erotica (esp when it explores religious themes). I also love art very much (both making it and learning about it) drawing, writing, photography, stamp carving, performance... everything !! but my faves would be Klimt and Gustave Doré

4- I don't really have specific pet peeves, I just don't feel at ease with people sometimes, esp when they're loud and intrude my personal space without consent, idk might be the autism though.

5- I'm a short bitch (164cm/5'4"), midsize, dark blueish-green eyes, light brown short hair (growing out my buzz cut yay) and I'd say I dress like a mix of goth and a philosophy professor, because inverted crosses and ugly ties go very well together I think

Anyways, before I dip I just wanna say that I loveee your writing, it always comforts me when I'm back from another exhausting day of art school lmao (esp daisy chains, hurt/comfort is literally my fav trope with found family being close second)

Take care <3

matchmaking event #3

thank you so much for your request!!! and i'm so glad i can be even a smidge of comfort in your life!

your match is...

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚

Secondo!!!

- you two are the unexpected pairing everyone LIVES for

-you’re so different from him but it’s exactly what he needs, you bring him back to earth

-but at the same time, you have more in common than you think

-secondo completely understands the need for personal space and will respect that 100%

-except when you have an art project.he always wants to see your projects. will pester you until you show him and then let you return to your work.

-he's a fun and entertaining guy however isn't too loud at all and won't overwhelm you

-will also take control of a room in an instant if you're overwhelmed in a crowd, without letting people know it's for your sake because he doesn't want you to feel embarrassed. plus he likes the power trip haha.

-thinks it’s adorable that you’re short especially since he’s tall haha. iconic short + tall duo.

-secondo loves how smart you are, really appreciates your knowledge

-he's a fuckboy for sure but you are someone who he is deeply infatuated with and stays committed to.

-he loves having someone to have deep conversations with. lgbt erotica? that's such a cool niche interest, genuinely. and of course, satanism. he could talk about that forever.

-he’s also an art connoisseur himself so he LOVES your interest in art

-i HC secondo likes to paint so you two have painting dates teehee.

-he fucking loves your style, when he first saw you, he was honestly shocked, like, ??who is this mysterious person?? you stand out from the crowd and thats what drew him to you.

-STAMP MAKING??? that is so cool! secondo suddenly writes 10x more letters than he ever has because he loves your talent and putting it to use.

-also since you're growing your hair out he will make a lot of bald jokes about himself. that means a lot because he takes himself a little too seriously sometimes haha.

-y'all are my OTP tbh.

I HOPE YOU HAD FUN READING!!! <3

(and keep up the amazing work at art school, that's no easy task, you got this!!!)

[andthebubbles]

halp i'm having such feelings over anthony and benedict in That fic (like, the fact that 2 y/o anthony runs away when he's on an outing with edmund??? violet blaming edmund for losing their son??? being super possessive over benedict yet also not really seeing him because ~it should be anthony by your side??? you should not have been the firstborn??? edmund being so guilty and upset and violet not letting benedict spend time with him (esp one on one) and benedict having no idea why??! like he's a fucking child and he has no idea why his mother is so sad and why his parents are so resentful/fighting all the time and he probably thinks it's because of him?? and then slowly resenting violet for being so overprotective, and he doesn't really get to know edmund for a long time/maybe is standoffish with him too because of violet

and then violet gets pregnant with colin when benedict is... 5, i think (because he's 6 when colin is born in feb/march, and benedict's birthday is in july/august (i'm using the show ages)) and they decide to try and repair their relationship so that colin grows up in a better environment, and then when colin is born benedict sees the difference, that his mother actually sees colin, whereas with benedict he still feels like he should've been someone else/that his mother is seeing someone else. and he has no idea about his missing/presumed dead older brother until like eloise is born and someone makes a comment on the bridgertons being alphabetically named and then benedict is like, who's A?? and then he finds out and it suddenly makes so much more sense and honestly i think a part of him will resent anthony for inadvertently being irreplaceable and missed and ~maybe edmund should've kept an eye on him better, and ~if all that hadn't happened, then he wouldn't have been the heir

actually i think anthony and benedict are really similar, they just ended up more outwardly different because of their birth order. anthony gets all the responsibility so benedict can just be the peacemaker and leave the hard decisions etc to anthony. but they're both super sensitive imo, i mean, anthony didn't turn out that anxious just because his dad died lol, he was already so tightly wound up and aware of/thinking that people would judge him when he failed (to be good enough) to shoot the stag. and if he can feel disappointment like that, or pick up on a tiny little thing and read it as disappointment/whatever, then, well. (they’re both just as sensitive and good at reading other people’s feelings, is what i’m trying to say.)

i have so many thoughts about these two!!! so many feels!!!

as for whether benedict would turn out exactly like anthony, without anthony (being there/the firstborn)........ idk. i feel like the biggest difference between the two of them is their tempers; like, anthony has a quick temper but benedict's more mellow, so... in a universe where anthony just never existed, i don't think benedict would be quite like anthony/not exactly the same. but in a universe where anthony did exist, and then they lost him, then that's a whole lot of other trauma heaped on benedict (and violet and edmund) and that changes things a lot. i doooon't think benedict would have a fear of love/hurting the other person through death/grief, because when edmund dies and violet grieves/isolates herself... well, how different is that to how benedict grew up? i think he might be more used to being alone (and feeling like he's not good enough simply because he's not anthony). (and i think he's sort of wary of love going wrong, and he's looking for a stable, secure love, with whoever he loves.)

anthony in this fic though!!! he has both (fake) parents still alive who love each other very much, who were very working class and then bettered themselves/slowly moved up the social ranking to become (not super rich) merchants and business owners (they own a print shop)............... honestly all this anthony wants is to be loved :3 for who he is

and to not be abandoned lmao, he's got a fear of abandonment too, because subconsciously he was 'abandoned' when benedict was born and he didn't feel like he had enough of his parents' attention anymore, and then he thinks edmund didn't come to get him (his fake parents sent/left a note to try and give him back but edmund never got it). so he has that on a subconscious level, and then when he's 5 or 6 he realises he's adopted (his mum is trans) and... i think he's just worried that people are going to leave him. (and he's a bit afraid/anxious of storms (from like, being on a ship during storms and people being thrown overboard and never seen again etc), but i haven't decided how anxious about this he is yet.) alsoooo he has some trauma from attending harrow because bullying and fagging...

anyway!! much thoughts!! much feels!!!!!!

[icharchivist]

I've been wanting to watch Everything all at once but it has a Mature rating and I'm worried about watching it with family. Is the rating for things of sexual nature or some other reason?

oh dear.

EEAAO is truly a fantastic movie and i definitely recommend it, it's a real experience, and its themes are really poignant in ways i think a whole family could resonate with (if they're the type to engage with themes and not go into it passively)

(also, while it's not a warning in my book and doesn't apply as sexual nature, in case this warning applies regarding your parents, there are gay characters in the story who's relationships are often being discussed. Advise in term your parents are the type of people who would make it unsafe to watch with).

but, as for the rating it is because of general fighting violence/blood, and indeed, some visual jokes of sexual nature that could be very awkward to watch with parents especially if they're really "i don't want my child to see anything about sex exist" type of parents.

If you're really worried about your parents's reacting to the sexual jokes, you might want to watch it at your own discretion first, if at all depending on how you personally feel about it.

I'll say there's no really explicit nudity nor explicit sound if that can help you?

One of the jokes takes a full scene to be showed though and might be really uncomfortable to watch depending on the family's tolerance of it all. Other than that the remaining couple of jokes are rather anecdotical, though not really ignorable either.

Under the cut i'll just add an as-vague-as-possible notion of the jokes to expect, in the hope it's vague enough that it doesn't provoke an explicit imagery nor give away what's exactly happening, but if the fact the jokes are of sexual nature themselves is already a hard limit for you, feel free to not look under the read more.

In my personal opinion, i'd say if you're an older teen (like, above 15) you'd probably be okay with it on a personal level (it feels like jokes teenagers would vibe with imo, or at least, was so back in my days (but also i'm not american so idk how indicative it is considering the culture gap)), but if you're parents are really stuck up about sex it will probably come out as very awkward (at best) to watch with them.

It really depends on the type of parents and their exact level of tolerance to sexual content imo but i would perhaps recommend you to watch it with friends instead if you can afford to, and then advise with how you'd feel your parents would react to it.

If anything, i hope you don't feel too obligated about it, and i hope that it doesn't scare you off too much as it's probably like. 5 to 10 mins of a 2 hours long beautiful movie. But i know that parents can be strict about it or that some people, esp when you're young, may really have a revulsion to this content even being in it at all, so it's the best i can do as far as warning goes.

I hope it works out for you though nonny! Take care!

And so just to the clarification:

On a slight detail, there are a couple visual jokes that involves fighting with dildos and with the longest scene revolving about using the dildo in its intended destination for the fight to occur, with the grittiest detail being slightly censored but still rather made clear on screen how it's being used.

And another, rather quick but still There visual joke involving a Dominatrix doing dominatrix things (the individuals are fully dressed but the kink is explicit on the screen)

i don't remember anyone making any weird sounds during those scenes if it helps figuring if the scenes can pass as "soft" to you.

Hope it helps! take care!

[naomilores]

Taeko Ohnui - Mignonne (1978)

In the wee small hours of the morning

City pop existed at a unique intersection of time, culture and genre. Japan's postwar economy was booming in the 70's and 80's, and the overwhelming mood within Japanese culture was one of tremendous hope and optimism that contrasted with the darker times of war and occupation. City pop, and in many ways Taeko Ohnuki specifically, was heavily influenced by American pop artists like Joni Mitchell and Steely Dan who brought their influences from the jazz fusion greats like Miles Davis and Herbie Hancock. That is to say, this genre (and by extension, this album) is so perfectly a product of its time period, and at the same time it is no cheap imitation of its American counterparts, but something uniquely Japanese.

What must always be admired about city pop is that it's more than meets the eye. To the initial listener, it could be mistaken for something more basic, akin to feel-good yacht rock from Japan (think "What You Won't Do For Love" by Bobby Caldwell). But there's a melancholy edge to so much of this music that gives it a real emotional depth that you can miss it if you're not paying attention. Some people hate ballads, if you do you won't like Mignonne, but give it a chance anyways, it's full of them. The album's name is literally French for "cute", and it's a perfect characterization for what you're going to hear.

The centerpiece of this album is very obviously Ohnuki's voice which is in so many ways evocative of a jazz singer, her voice feels so soft and mournful on tracks like (1) 雲のゆくえに and (3) 黄昏れ , it's just so close, it's like you're sitting in a smoky lounge in 1978 Japan and you have front row seats while she sings to you with her band behind her. But don't be mistaken in assuming this is an album of just ballads, lots of upbeat tracks even beyond 4:00A.M., esp (4) 空をとべたら which has a killer flute solo about a minute in (and another one around 2:26, you be the judge of which is superior.)

This was an era where we become so much closer culturally, and it speaks to the fact that that you don't need to speak the language for the music to move something heartfelt and real within you. We all know the feeling of heartbreak, of a love unrequited, of a future you hoped for with someone vanishing before your eyes. That pain is real, and so much of it is given voice in Taeko Ohnuki's music.

The songs are composed such that they unfold exactly how you would expect them to, not in a way that feels boring or derivative, but in a way that's deeply satisfying. (2) 横顔 and the lead single (5) 4:00A.M. do this masterfully. The former feels like the brightest, happiest sunshine pop you would hear on a warm spring day of museum dates, holding hands in the park, picnics on the beach, like some montage out of a romance movie. The latter we're going to talk about in a second.

You never want to read a review that says the best track on the album is the lead single, but here's that review anyways because it's true. There is no bad part of 4:00A.M., from that smoky flute intro to the chorus "Lord, give me one more chance" and its perfect contrast with Ohnuki's voice that cuts through it all as if through a thick fog. And the transition into (8) 突然の贈りもの is just a divine blend from the irresistible power of this album's anthem to the slow, sad ballad that has this gorgeously unexpected chord change around 0:28 that makes the space between these songs something that you have to hear.

So what are we to make of Mignonne? Many would say it fails to reach the heights of its immediate predecessor album Sunshower, and this album does lose a lot of its momentum after the climax of its single towards the end. But it's a favorite, and deserves its moment in the spotlight. As the world we live in continues to change, so too will music. May it evolve something as beautiful and rare as Taeko Ohnuki's work.