#especially considering how 'badly' we apparently treat you like.. ok so if you feel that way why haven't you fucked off yet?

[theladygazingatemptiness]

no shade but. @ [redacted]: why are you still here, exactly

[katnissmellarkkk]

Andddd here’s my chappy three thoughts 🥳🥳🥳

Hmmm Katniss saying that her mother has a dress made of velvet is actually really interesting because it shows that Mrs. Everdeen Lily-Rose really was well-er off before she married Katniss’ father Hunter.

Or did she get the velvet dress from Maysilee? Oh well, who knows.

Aww, Katniss’ nervous habit of touching soft things repeatedly to soothe herself 🤧🤧.

“Crying is not an option. There will be more cameras at the train station.” — someone tell that to Peeta 🤣🤣🤣.

Okay I gotta stop picking on Primmers, I know but like. How small is she that she sits on Katniss’ lap like a toddler but then in the following year is the same height as her? Doesn’t matter I know but still I wonder.

Okay so Mrs. E is the doctor for the people of the Seam? Idk I never thought about this but who does people like Peeta or Madge or Delly go to if they’re sick or hurt? Is there a still running apothecary shop that Katniss never mentions? Are her grandparents still running the family biz?

Also okay, I gotta stop having so many thoughts on all the lil details I know but like. Katniss says here she’s familiar with the herbs her mother doesn’t grow on her own so like a). Katniss is more of a healer than she leads on because no average person knows what kind of plant is medicinal and b). Her mother is just growing herbs and Katniss never mentions it again in the whole series? Or I just missed it.

Okay imma move on from this one singular paragraph but Gale and her made a pact a year ago that they’ll supply each other’s family with game if they were to be reaped... I’m feeling like their close friendship is probably only one year old then? Idk. Just my interpretation.

Honestly I love Katniss getting mad at her mom here.

She’s sixteen, for God’s sake, of course she’s angry at what her mother’s illness put her through.

Also I lowkey like that her mother got mad back because that lady in the movies had zero personality.

“Boys who are two to three times my size.” She sounds so little, omg 🥺🥺🥺.

“I don’t care if we’re rich, I just really want you to come home” 🤧🤧🤧😩😩😩😩 okay Primmers, you got me here.

“the Peacekeeper is at the door, signaling our time is up, and we're all hugging one another so hard it hurts and all I'm saying is ‘I love you. I love you both.’ And they're saying it back...” this is so sad leave me be 😫😫😫😫

Katniss is burying her face in a pillow to block out her emotions this is too much for me 🥵🥵🥵

Omg I forgot Peeta’s father visits Katniss 😅

Why does he visit Katniss?

She describes Peeta’s father as a “big, broad-shouldered man.” And then describes Peeta as stocky. Idk the comparison of the two descriptions has always led me to think Peeta is gonna be a big dude when he grows up like his father. This made no sense and had zero correlation but I thought, so I said it, no regrets

Oh he brought her cookies 🤧

WAIT WAIT WAIT. I just had a new thought, y’all. What if instead of the baker bringing cookies being a thing he does for all tributes, what if he’s bringing the cookies because Peeta asked him to, because he made them and wants to give them to Katniss and knows she’ll never accept / trust them coming from her competition? What if that’s the real reason the baker visited her in the first place? Because Peeta asked him to? This was such a shipper comment but idc, no regrets, remember?

Omg Peeta’s father is just mute 🤣🤣🤣

Between an abusive, angry mother and a mute for a father, the Mellark brothers must have had a fairytale of a childhood 😅😅😅😅.

But seriously #PoorPeetaMyBaby

Aww Peeta’s father is gonna help keep Prim alive 😭

Omg I just remembered he’s her mother’s ex boyfriend. Haidon Mellark, as I named him in my fics.

That one fic where he was thought to be Prim’s real father is just playing now in my head, rent free.

But does Katniss not realize that he may be offering to help Prim as a favor to her? Like she claims Prim is just so wonderful people adore her but there’s like zero evidence in the text that make her endearing? Okay I need to turn this bus around, I need to find a love for Primmy Deen.

Madge is not one for preamble apparently. No “hi, how are you? I’m sorry you’re gonna die? What will your last meal be?” Just right to “here, wear this family heirloom of mine, k thanks.”

I like that Madge had to kiss her cheek for Katniss to realize they were friends 😅😅😅.

I remember always loving her and Gale’s hug here. I’ve always felt like it was platonic, but especially when I first read the books and had zero preference one way or another for Gale or Peeta, I really liked how she said even with nothing romantic between them, “when he opens his arms, I don’t hesitate to go to him” or something I’m paraphrasing ok I’m lazy

Also though, this is the first time they’ve ever hugged? Idk why that surprises me? It shouldn’t because where is a hug gonna fit into a hunting trip 😅🤣😂 “I just caught a deer!” “let’s celebrate with a hug!”

I like that Katniss remembers how her father even failed to make a good bow sometimes. Random, I know.

I like that the Capitol weren’t entertained by the people freezing to deaths because it wasn’t bloody enough 🤭🙃

“How different can it be [to kill a human vs an animal]?” She’s about to find out, Gale 🥺. And when she comes back you won’t understand 🙄😔

What did Gale want to say before the Peacekeepers dragged him away?

I used to think it was a confession of love but I’m actually sure it wasn’t now? Just the wording “remember I-“ doesn’t sound like it, considering he never confessed anything prior to her coming home.

I’m assuming now he was just gonna give her some more advice to stay alive 🤷🏼‍♀️. Clearly if it were relevant it would have made its way to the others books.

Aww, she’s never been inside a car before 😭😭. I didn’t even know they had cars in this universe but okay.

I notice though how she says “In the Seam, we travel on foot.” So is Peeta just riding his trolly down the street every day with the other merchants then? 🤣

Peeta just openly crying on camera 😅😢.

I like how Katniss is like “ooo is this an act to get sponsors?” when in reality Peeta’s like “no, I’m just a soft and genuine boy ™️”

Omg I just realized this totally goes along with Peeta’s thing later on “I want to die as myself”

He’s refusing to hold back his emotions because he thinks he’s doomed to die and he’s already refusing to pretend to be or feel something ingenious.

But a Johanna mention in book 1 chapter 3 woohoo 🥳🥳🥳 also Katniss comparing Jo and Peeta is kind of like foreshadowing of their shared torture in book 3.

Omg she just called Peeta broad-shouldered and strong. 🥰🥰🥰 my headcanon for his post-canon body is confirmed

Also why does Katniss keep allotting his strength to carrying bread trays around? Are they heavy? Why have I never once heard of people who carry bread trays being strong? I always thought Peeta was really strong because he learned to fight in order to defend himself against his mother but that’s probably wrong.

But if a mother is abusive, it can lead to one of the kids being physically violent as well and we know Peeta isn’t but he has two older brothers I’m gonna cut myself off now but I think we all smelled what I just stepped in.

Also I just find it so fascinating now how she regards herself vs Peeta here.

When talking about herself, she says, “The competition will be far beyond my abilities. [...] Oh, there'll be people like me, too. People to weed out before the real fun begins.” But when she talks about Peeta, she immediately says, “It would take an awful lot of weeping to convince anyone to overlook him.”

It’s just funny how she discounted herself right from the start but thought he was a real contender and then come to find out, Peeta believes it’s the exact opposite 😂🙃. They’re both so stupid I can’t even take it.

Wait did they actually give the location of the Capitol and the location of District Twelve in today’s world? And I just overlooked it? Brb I’m gonna go to google maps right quick.

Okay so basically what I gathered is the Capitol is probably in New Mexico and District Twelve is somewhere between Kentucky and Alabama. Irrelevant I know. But just a reminder now to everyone that Katniss and Peeta are literally speaking, crying and screaming in thick, backwoods southern accents.

It’s literally so sad how everything for Katniss is about food. Like every motive she has, every action she does is about preventing starvation ever again. 🤧🤧🤧

First mockingjay mention 🤭🤭.

“My father was particularly fond of mockingjays” 😭😭😭 I bet he was 😭😭😭😭

We always go on and on about how Katniss is a mockingjay or her children are mockingjays but Katniss herself here says mockingjays represent her father imma cry, y’all 😫😫😫😫

“It’s like having a piece of my father with me, protecting me” shut up shut up shut up shut up

Awww, Katniss has never had food like this before 😔😔😔

Neither has Peeta 🤧🤧

Katniss disliking the way Effie put the two kids from the year before down and so began to eat like a pig just to prove her point, is so her. And the beginning of her fighting for the underdog.

Omg the Rue introduction 🥺🥺🥺

Bahahahaha the commenters calling District Twelve backwards but charming 😅😅😅 they really are the hillbilly district

Peeta’s unexpected laugh 🥺🥺🥺 I love you, baby

“He was drunk. He’s drunk every year.” “Every day.” Katniss and Peeta are already finishing each other’s sentiments and teaming up to get on Effie’s nerves I love them so much 😍

Oh my God, Effie, you selfish jerk. They’re kids having fun for like one second, no need to throw in their faces they’re gonna die if the drunk won’t help them. I’d forgotten why I don’t really like the book version of her. I actually prefer her as comedic relief in the movies.

I actually just realized I really dislike Effie Trinket, I hope they never speak to her again Post-Mockingjay. Idc how you’re raised you don’t need to treat teenagers who are sentenced to a probable death badly just because they laughed at you 🙄🙄🙄😡😡😡😡. They didn’t even really laugh at her, she’s just annoying and awful, we don’t stan Effie in this household.

Okay, that’s all for my thoughts on chapter three! Until next time, y’all ! If anyone actually read this long mess of a post.

[hermannsthumb]

Can I get something where Newt barges in on Hermann doing some yoga in the most scantily clad yoga gear ever...

ok this is for like 3 people and wholly inspired by the hermann tank top renaissance on side twitter this past week. 18+ under cut!!!

----------------------

The good thing about living on what used to a pretty bustling base—Newt considers—is that the average athletic hopeful has their pick of at least three different gyms at any given time. And the good thing about that—Newt further considers, as he half-jogs down to the gym closest to the k-science lab—is that the rangers don’t bother with any gym besides the one directly off of their quarters, because it’s got the sparring mats and the nice equipment and all that shit. Look, Newt’s not exactly the most ripped guy in the world. Or even really very fit. When he feels the rare urge to hit the gym, he doesn’t want to be struggling over some push-ups while rangers with muscles as big as his head lift 300 pound barbells and bust open punching bags or whatever. It’s...degrading.

Lately Newt’s been hitting the gym more frequently than usual, on account of a something that passed between him and Hermann at lunch in the mess a few weeks back. Hermann had caught eye contact with one of the muscled rangers across the room, looked down at his little bowl of soup, and said—calmly—“He’s quite handsome, isn’t he?”

Anyway, that’s why Newt has to get all buff now. 

It’s disappointing to see that the gym lights are on, but maybe no one will take any notice of Newt if he sticks to a deserted, badly-lit corner or something. He’s so set on creeping inside undetected that he doesn’t even realize who it is that’s beaten him there that morning, until he hears a small, surprised “Newton?”

Newt looks up sharply. Hermann is on a yoga mat in the middle of the gym floor, his left leg stretched out far to the side, and bent halfway over to touching one socked foot. But that’s not what stops Newt dead in his tracks and sends a fiery jolt of arousal rocketing straight down to his stomach, and it’s not even the little grunting noises Hermann’s making as he goes: that’d be Hermann’s outfit. He’s forgone his usually twenty wrinkled old layers for a pair of baggy grey yoga pants and the absolute thinnest white tank top of all time, a tank top which shows off shapely, toned arms, a thin layer of sweat over each, and collarbones, and clings to a shapely set of pecs, which has ridden up just enough to show off a patch of pale stomach, with a small trail of light-colored hair leading down, and... “Newton!” Hermann repeats, shooting up in alarm. 

“Wha?” Newt says, and then he trips over a weight bench.

It’s one of their more uncomfortable trips to medical.

"Don’t tip your head back,” Hermann says.

“Thanks,” Newt says, except Hermann’s handkerchief is pinched to his nose, so it sounds a great deal more nasal. “I know, dude. Not my first rodeo.” He’s gotten his ass kicked for mouthing off in bars to jackasses more times than he cares to admit. He pulls away the handkerchief and scowls at the blooming scarlet stain, as if doing so might stop the source of it. It doesn’t; another splotch of blood lands on his hand, and he quickly shoves the handkerchief back into place. “Unbelievable. I’m gonna look so fuckin’ gnarly tomorrow.”

“Well, I suppose it’s an lucky thing you haven’t broken it,” Hermann says. “Or anything else, for that matter. How on Earth did you manage to do that, anyway?”

“I was thinking about,” Newt casts about for a suitable lie, “...kaiju. You know me. Haha.”

Newt had landed pretty flat on his face. The way Hermann had sprung into action would be admirable, really, and Newt would feel grateful enough to treat Hermann to takeout coffee for at least a week, if the act that necessitated fast action hadn’t been so completely and utterly mortifying. Hermann is still in his little yoga pants and tank top; he didn’t even remember to grab his shoes from the gym before he escorted Newt out. The knotted drawstring of the yoga pants is hanging well down his thighs. Skinny motherfucker. Since when has Hermann had pecs? “Aren’t you cold?” Newt blurts out.

“Cold?” Hermann says.

With a great deal of difficulty, Newt forces his eyes up from the swinging drawstring of Hermann’s yoga pants to his torso. His half-bare torso. With his shapely arms, and his shapely pecs, and his elegant collarbones. If Newt squints hard enough, he could probably see Hermann’s nipples through the white fabric. Especially now—the Shatterdome really is always so cold, with the A/C blasting, and Hermann is usually so sensitive to it... Oh, God, someone help Newt. “Because you’re in,” he says, and then swallows a few times, “th—that. Tank top.”

Hermann looks down at himself, like he’s forgotten what he’s wearing—like it’s inconsequential what he’s wearing—and hums. “I hadn’t really noticed—I was a bit overheated, I suppose, from my exercises.”

“Your exercises,” Newt says.

“Yes, my stretches,” Hermann says. “They do wonders for keeping my leg limber.”

Limber; Hermann is limber. Hermann, in his little yoga pants and tank top, grunting away while he stretches out, is limber. “I didn’t know,” Newt says. He’s started to feel a bit light-headed again, and hopes Hermann doesn’t notice the funny way he’s walking. He’ll be grateful when they get back to the lab and he can sit down a little, or maybe run back to his bunk and take care of his...problem.

They walk under one of the larger A/C vents; Hermann gives a little shiver. Newt forces his eyes all the way down to Hermann’s socked feet to avoid catching sight of any potential physiological responses in Hermann’s pectoral region. “Maybe you should put on a sweater,” Newt says, helpfully. He watches Hermann’s cane move up and down with each step. He’s never seen Hermann not wearing a sweater before. Not even at Shatterdome parties. Up until today, Newt would’ve thought that Hermann wore sweaters to the beach, some sort of special waterproof wool. Maybe he wears tank tops to the beach.

Hermann says something.

“Uh-huh,” Newt says. He thinks about the small beads of sweat that had been dotting Hermann’s exposed collarbones.

“Were you listening?” Hermann says.

Newt looks up. “No,” he says.

“I said we ought to go to the gym together, in the mornings,” Hermann says. He gives Newt one of his rare, blinding smiles, his funny mouth going lopsided. “It’s too bloody quiet in there. I’d appreciate even your company.”

Unlimited access to Hermann’s bare arms, his bare shoulders, his collarbones. Grunting. Stretching every which way. It sounds like a fucking nightmare, or maybe a hellish wet dream. Besides—Newt doesn’t go to the gym. Not like Hermann. Apparently. “Sounds cool,” Newt says.

Hermann looks pleased. Stupid, stupid Newt.

He jerks off furiously in the empty communal showers that night, thinking—extensively—about what it would be like if he was jerking off on Hermann’s stupid tank top instead.

They make plans to meet at the gym the next morning at six, with a trip to the mess hall for breakfast at seven after. Hermann, it turns out, has an extensive workout routine, but not quite an extensive workout wardrobe, and so—as Newt attempts a few puny sit-ups in his oldest pair of MIT sweatpants—he’s treated to another view of Hermann’s weirdly gorgeous arms straining and sweating in that stupid tank-top. He watches Hermann stretch and bend each leg and lift some of the smaller weights for ten minutes before he realizes that he hasn’t actually moved a single inch since sit-up number three. Hopefully Hermann hasn’t noticed. “You’re not tired out, are you?” Hermann says, having apparently noticed. He groans as he arches his back. He has a small birthmark on his left shoulder. “I don’t mind finishing a bit—”

“No!” Newt says. “Not tired. Just, uh—” Hermann shuts his eyes and groans again, a little louder. “Just—” Hermann’s tank top has ridden up, giving Newt a glimpse of that little dusting of hair, the elegant vee of his hips... Newt bites his lip to keep himself from saying something stupid. “I. Uh.”

Hermann, bent half-over, looks up at Newt through his pretty dark eyelashes. Newt cracks.

“Holy shit, dude,” he whines.

Hermann straightens up languidly. “Mm?”

He doesn’t even look surprised when Newt reaches out a fumbling hand towards his knee, nor when—a moment later—Newt surges forward to kiss him clumsily. Hermann’s mouth merely curves up in a smirk against his, and he fists the back of Newt’s ratty old t-shirt to draw their bodies tighter. “I’ve been wondering when you would do that,” he says, and his voice hitches up in a small gasp when Newt presses his kisses onward across his jaw. “You’re the least subtle man I know.”

“Don’t even care,” Newt mumbles. He nips some of the soft skin at Hermann’s throat and lifts his hands up to squeeze his biceps. They’re nice and sturdy under his fingers. Is this moving into new territory with Hermann way too fast? Maybe. Sort of. They’ve made out a few times at parties before, and once Newt gave him a discreet (fully-clothed) handjob in a kinda nasty alleyway outside a bar on his birthday, but nothing, like, serious. Though it’s not like this is serious. Lab partner stuff. “Holy shit, dude, I didn’t know you were so strong.”

“Strong?” Hermann snorts. He goes easily when Newt urges him onto his back against his dumb little yoga mat; his pupils are wide and dark, and a pink flush has started creeping down his neck. He drapes his arms over Newt’s shoulders. “I didn’t know you cared about those sorts of things.”

“I don’t,” Newt says. “I didn’t.” He tracks more kisses down the dips of Hermann’s collarbones, following that blush. “I guess it’s just you?”

He doesn’t wait for an invitation before rucking up Hermann’s tank top. He hasn’t got a six-pack, or anything like that, but Newt doesn’t really care, because Hermann’s pecs rock even more when they’re bare. He squeezes at one just to see Hermann make a face, and—laughing—ducks down to graze his teeth across the left one, taking care to catch at his nipple. Hermann hisses sharply and grabs at his hair. He looks a little silly with his top bunched under his armpits, but it’s kind of cute too. Newt trails his tongue across Hermann’s sternum and tries his luck at the other side, too, and is pleased when Hermann gives a full-body shudder after each. “Ah, Newton,” he moans. “I’m—sensitive—there.”

Newt kisses over the spot instead as way of apology. Then he starts to trail his kisses lower, down Hermann’s slightly concave abdomen, where the skin is luminously pale. Newt amends his earlier assumption that Hermann wears tank tops to the beach; he’s not sure if Hermann has ever even stepped foot on a beach. “Newton,” Hermann moans again. He gives Newt’s hair a little tug when Newt takes the drawstring of his yoga pants between his teeth. If he goes down on Hermann good enough, maybe Hermann will let him test out last night’s fantasy... “Mm. Be quick about it. We haven’t got all—”

The door to the gym swings open; two rangers, chatting away happily, step inside, and stop in their tracks when they catch sight of Newt and Hermann. Newt flings himself off of Hermann, but it’s too little too late. It’s pretty obvious what Newt and Hermann had been doing. “Oops!” one of the rangers says, turning their back to them. Their friend turns away, too, and laughs awkwardly. “Sorry, Dr. Geiszler, Dr. Gottlieb. We didn’t realize this was—uh. Occupied.”

Hermann yanks down his tank top. 

“No worries,” Newt squeaks. “We’re. Uh. Just about done.”

The door clicks back shut; Newt hears laughter. Hermann is covering his face. “Hand me my bloody sweater,” he says. “We’ll finish this later.”

[fizzingwizard]

Episode 32 arrives! It’s, I gotta say, quite an improvement on what we’ve had lately. Quite an improvement. Even so, it’s nothing that’s gonna rock the world... but hey, I was so desperate for something different to happen that y’know what, I’ll take it.

Pic of the week:

A Digimon who just wants to roll around in the grass. Go’way, baddies.

More below!

So as you probably gather... we start with Takeru this week! Haha! Good riddance Taichi! I luv ya but I’ve had enough of ya! Take a break!

jk I totally missed him the whole thirty seconds he wasn’t on screen

Takeru and Patamon are running for their lives, of course! Patamon makes a valiant effort to evolve to protect Takeru but...

... Poor baby. He gave it the ol’ college try but he just ain’t as young as he used to be.

Things look grim until Komondomon shows up with a creepy disembodied hand sticking out of his fur!

Phew, it’s just Sora. Her brilliant plan to rescue Takeru is to grab his arm and drag him along with them... I mean... sure... Whiplash has been proven Not A Thing in this universe so...

After getting rid of their pursuer, the group checks in with the others. I’m reminded of how silly separations feel when you can just communicate with each other by walkie-talkie. Yamato’s been riding Garurumon for a long time now lol. At least we got to see him...

He sweetly encourages Takeru and tells him the best thing he can do to help Patamon with his evolution issues is be there to support him. Then he tells Taichi “I leave Takeru in your case.” Ok sure, like Sora’s not right there...

Taichi: In my care? Should I point out that I already lost one little sibling to the dark side? Nah...

Seriously, though... that’s the current situation. Taichi is actively going over SkullKnightmon to get Hikari back. If Takeru stays with him that just means Takeru gets to go into danger again too. Of course, it seems that the dark side is suddenly uninterested in Takeru and Patamon so... I guess it’s okay 9_9

We then check in with Mimi! Who is being her awesome Mimi-tastic self. Ugh I love her.

Wondered what happened to Golemon. Turns out there was nothing much to worry about because no one loves a macho boxing match like Tachikawa Mimi. If there’s ever a season where these kids grow up, I hope Mimi is like, a big fan of sumo or something.

Taichi: O... kay... well... Mimi sure is... an intersting person...

Agumon: Hey you should make her your girlfriend!

Taichi: what nOOO BAD IDEA ABORT ABORT

Meanwhile, the situation with Jou is, um, questionable to say the least...

(how is keeping that towel on)

Jou: HEEEEELP!!!

Taichi: ... you didn’t hear anything, did you? Me neither. *closes link*

Finally we check in with Koushirou. I’m sure I don’t need to tell you what he says. -__-;

At least we see him get bombed a bit. He’s okay though.

Meanwhile unconscious Patamon gets a visitor from baby angel Lopmon, who tells him about hist lost memories.

He adds that the other legendary warriors have lost their power and it’s up to Patamon and his bond with Takeru to save the world more or less.

He encourages Patamon to find his hope.

Patamon: Who am I? What am I? All before me is dark. I know not what path to take.

The others, having nothing better to do, peep on Patamon’s crisis of faith.

Takeru relates a story about learning to swim and being scared of the water, but Yamato stayed with him so eventually he was able to learn to do it. Aww. Not quite comparable to Hikari’s “I wet the bed and Taichi changed the sheets and then told our parents that he was the one that did it” from the 99 series but still pretty good.

The sweet moment is interrupted by a flash of light! Then dark! Then light! Then dark!

It’s another scary Digimon! Oh dear. It’s Kerberomon. A three-headed Cerberus as I’m sure you figured out. Once again, this show does not how to convey what the stakes are. After everything we’ve been through, it’s hard to take random nobody Digimon as serious as each episode wants us to take them... but it’s obvious from the build up here that Kerberomon’s going to be tough to beat for Reasons.

Greymon gets hit and says, “I let down my guard!” MAYBE DON’T DO THAT THEN

Also it is very windy.

Le ouch. This is the Digimon from earlier whose name I forgot to take down. He’s come back with his friend...

... Scarier-in-the-dark-mon.

They’re surrounded~ Oh noes and whatnot.

Taichi is a bit cool here, clinging to Komondomon’s helmet and directing the battle like a war general. Mostly he’s telling them how to avoid getting hit by Kerberomon’s powerful attacks but I like that we get to see him using his head like this.

What I think is happening here is, Komondomon isn’t as fast as the kids could be if they were on their own, so their speed is hampered and that plus the number of assailants makes this battle tough. I am sure we’re supposed to assume that the reason WarGreymon doesn’t appear is because it takes a lot of energy to bring him out, even though last time he appeared twice in the same episode -.-;

Sora decides to be useful and goes to help Takeru get to safety.

... She is immediately struck by an attack and collapses, badly hurt somehow. This is so dumb. First of all, they don’t even animate her getting hit. There’s a flash and then she’s down. She should at least get to throw herself over Takeru protectively or something. Geez. 90s anime did it so much better. She’s just standing there and gets hit. What, did she forget there was a battle raging around her?

Second, WE ALREADY HAD DAMSEL IN DISTRESS SORA. It was Jou’s motivation to be cool way back when this show was rather more interesting than it has been of late. Why do the boys need Sora to get SERIOUSLY INJURED to be able to fight?? WHY?? Like, Taichi gets caught in the line of fire ALL THE TIME, but he never gets injured to the point where he can’t continue on. (Except for that one time with Devimon but those were exceptional circumstances!)

Like, why are we making Sora so weak?? This is so unnecessary.

I guess Yamato was right by entrusting Takeru to Taichi instead of Sora though...

... Uhhh.... never mind X’D

Taichi: Whew... m-maybe no one saw that...

Our be-bibbed god reappears to offer sage advice.

Patamon recalls his final moments as Seraphimon... being enveloped into darkness.

This is cool - we see his angelic wings turn to demon ones briefly before he slides back to lower levels. Not sure if it means anything but we have been theorizing that Patamon could still be infected by the evil that wounded him in the past.

Patamon then recalls things that happened after he was reborn and I’m reminded for the billionth time how much harder the emotions around Angemon’s death hit in the 99 show...

Suddenly Patamon realizes - his hope is Takeru, and he is Takeru’s hope.

The boys put on their game faces. This is what I mean by Sora really didn’t need to get hurt here. I get that it gives Takeru a reason to be protective, but the thing that evolves Patamon is Patamon’s feelings, the same way Agumon’s feelings were what rescued them from Devimon etc. That’s an interesting thing about this show - the Digimon’s feelings seem as important to evolution as, if not more than, the kids’.

Patamon evolves!! Very creepily! But... not to Angemon!

He becomes Pegasusmon! Who... looks a lot bigger than I remember, even considering Takeru is very small... xD

So this is pretty cool! I’ve been wondering how on earth the show was gonna keep introducing evolutions after already using up so many key players, especially for Taichi. But it looks like Armor Digimon can appear, and that makes me think that we could see all kinds of evolutions for the entire team that we’ve never seen before. I like that idea, but I don’t really know if this show has time for it. Maybe it will just be Pegasusmon and Nefertimon who are available to Takeru and Hikari so the writers can preserve the angels for the most epic moments only. That seems the most likely way things will go here, and the only qualm I have with it is, they’ve played all of Taichi’s cards already, and he’s the main character. He has to have something else in the future...

He attac!!!!

Kerberomon doesn’t last long, although why is wholly inexplicable. What about Pegasusmon gives him the edge when MetalGreymon and Garudamon couldn’t handle it? Is it because he’s an Armor Digimon? That may be it but the show doesn’t bother to explain.

Another thing I’d love to see, if there are gonna be more than just one evolutionary tree for the partners, is the kids actually strategizing when they decide which evolution to use. One of the cool parts of Tamers was the kids actively supporting their partner with skill as well as heart. I don’t think that’s gonna happen in this season, but you know, a girl can dream.

Takeru: Hurray for murder!

The three Digimon work together to put the lid on Kerberomon. Garudamon has the coolest moment. Squash.

Taichi checks on Sora who seems fine now. Grrrrrrrrrrrr.

Aw, but these two really are adorable.

What a sweet ending card T_T I want more of these.

Okay so yeah, this episode was a much needed upper after the stream of “watch Taichi fight random forgettable monsters” episodes we’ve had lately. I’m glad we got it. I still, just, like, why can’t they get the emotional build up right?? I wouldn’t say 99 Adventure did anything insanely unusual in how it treated the various crises the kids faced, but it def did a better job than this show. In 99, they understood the importance of moments of reflection, of talking about things, of showing expressions and how other characters react... And I still feel like this reboot DID do that, at least somewhat better, in the beginning. Like what went down between Yamato and Taichi after Ogremon was killed. That was pretty good.

They’ve totally lost what makes Digimon great. I hope this episode is a sign that they’re gonna take it back, but, my heart just hearts y’all.

Next episode... I’m rather surprised since we are REALLY overdue some face time with Yamato, not to mention Mimi and Jou, but apparently we’re sticking with Taichi. At least it looks lke we’ll get some new plot stuff related to Hikari.

If this all leads up to something that makes sense, I will retract all my complaints, I swear. Except about the gratuitous nonstop fighting. But the rest, I will take back.

Taichi’s determined!! This is Digimon Adventure! Let’s go on a freaking adventure!!

[talkwithmarcy]

Youtubers, step away from the underage fans!

Ok, before I start this post, I just wanna say first, in no way am I judging or telling someone how to make a living or their interest in what type of job their in. What I’m going to be critiquing in this post is a youtuber or an influencers’ way of INTERACTING with their fans.

Now this is suppose to be a simple concept, right? You either give them a picture, autograph, fulfill a commission, etc. However some people overstep that boundary, and it led them to utter shit. I’m talking about people who interacts sexually with their fans. And considering how big the internet is, some of these fans are underage, and interacting with them in such a way led to these influencers to be called a groomer or predator, whether they know a fan is underage or not.

This topic came around when I made a youtube video about a va (voice acting) youtuber, he was accused of doing some horrible stuff with his fans and friends, and one of them was manipulating and grooming underage girls. However, after doing an interview with this guy, me and my friend found some closure to some cases, open to new arguments for the unsolved ones and also find possibilities that some of the cases could be untrue. What I see as the main reason for the majority of the cases was because this youtuber was not very careful when it comes to interacting with his fans or providing fan-service.

This led to broken promises, mistreatment towards discord mods and closer friends, and then the grooming accusations. The youtuber admitted to being irresponsible and lazy when it comes to fulfilling tasks, and he admitted to being quite arrogant and boastful about being a huge youtuber.

But here I’m talking specifically about the grooming accusations. This is all because he was so full of himself of being a player and irresistible with his fans, he had no problem fooling around with them. His channel is composed of quite provocative content, and the audios are just straight up audio porn in his patreon. There’s no secret that some of the fans are heavily into that sort of stuff and they have no problem having a closer relationship with the youtuber if he initiates it. And because some fans are underage, I think the interactions can count as illegal.

All of this could’ve been avoided if he didn’t interact sexually on a personal level with his fans. I’m not gonna judge him for making provocative content because 1). he is an adult, he can make non-kid friendly content if he wants to, as long as it’s not hurting and disrespecting anyone, 2). if making these type of content is the more popular way for him to make a living in youtube, go ahead. The problem is that he brings this to a personal level with his fans, instead of keeping it on a business level. 

I understand if you want to make your fans happy, but there is a more responsible and appropriate way to interact with them. And if you say, “well, they are not happy with it, they like talking about no-nos and that kind of stuff, otherwise, they are not interested in me”, then tell them to screw off. Especially if they are underage and you are an adult, you should know better, and have some self-respect.

A good example of this is an incident of where I communicated with a youtuber named Aramin Audios. To bring you up to speed, there was another va youtuber, let’s call him Pink, who was accused of being a groomer to his girlfriend, but after researching a bit, me and my friends found that this is false and the people who accused him of so made the accusations out of anger and jumping to conclusions.

Now in response to this, Aramin wants to avoid this accusations to happen to him and he wants his community to be safer for his younger audience. That seems like a great thing to do, right? BUT, he thinks the best way to achieve that is to delete his discord server and build a new one, where it is reserved for patreons only, where he will discuss the nsfw content they want in their patreon requests. Me and my friend were confused by this because, in a way, it’s like a punishment for the underage fans for the youtubers’ irresponsible way of interacting with them. And the way he announced that he was gonna do this is as if he is putting the blame on Pink, this made us worried whether upset fans are gonna went after Pink or not after this.

However, we were more confused on his WAY of fixing this problem. I guess people will have a different opinion on this, but based on what Aramin wants and how he worded his request for his community, it seems like he was trying really hard to make it safe for the younger audience. So we asked him, if he was so worried about effecting kids with his provocative content, why not just age-restrict his videos? Of course, the answer is because he still wants to make a living and the content in his channel is still sfw, so it shouldn’t be age-restricted.

We also questioned on the new server he was planning to make because 1). from what I know, he is not that active in his old server anyways, so what’s the point? 2). from what he says, it will be no different, they will just discuss more r18 topics with his patrons and 3). this can be upsetting for fans who are JUST as loyal as the patreon fans. He explains that he thinks that it will be safer because minors lie in the internet, and it’s more secure when people make an account on patreon. True, maybe patreon is more strict but it is proven that people can still lie about their age in patreon. So me and my friend suggested to him, why not just age-restrict your videos or try to change your content a bit, because sfw that’s not automatically mean kid-friendly and from the way he was acting, this was his main worry.

The weird thing that happened was that my friend, let’s call her Lady, is a bit more closer to Aramin, because she was also a youtuber and he watches her stuff before. However, when Lady tried to explain how Aramin’s way of achieving all this didn’t make sense, the fans there agreed. But as soon as Aramin came, they did a complete 180. And of course, I’m not close with Aramin, right? there’s nothing wrong if he gets a bit defensive, but when me and Lady asked him the questions and give him suggestions for a better way to achieve he wants. He became demeaning to the point where he acts like he didn’t know who Lady is, and he treated her as if she is too young and too dumb to understand what he was saying. And they were roughly the same age.

Also, in that chat, some fans told me to scroll to reread what they were talking about, but the thing is I want to hear from Aramin’s word. However, after some exchange, it seems like Aramin doesn’t actually want his community to be minor-free, and he mostly blame that it’s the kids fault for lying about their age and parents are not monitoring they’re kids. So I asked him, “But you’re the one who wants to make your channel minor-free, this is based on what you want, so why won’t you yourself actually take the precautions?” and he responded with, “I’m not gonna entertain this, because you won’t scroll up, you obviously don’t care.” Good defense, Aramin.

So he may say he wants his community to be safer for minors, and he did this because of other youtubers who are exposed as groomers and predators, but he doesn’t actually practice what he preach. He just wants to be seen as taking action for the better.

But anyways, it seems like he didn’t wanna budge or give any good reason anytime soon, so me and Lady gave up. Lady told me after that conversation, he immediately deleted the server XD and the cherry on top is that he made a response to this in twitter and oh boy, there is so many things wrong with this tweet.

Where do I start with this?

First off, we’re talking about what he is doing with his server, so when he says he wants to protect minors from predators that could join his server, Aramin, that just brings the question, what kind of people you allow to reside in your server and how do you act with your fans? And it says a lot when you felt the NEED to make an r18 server with your fans.

Second, apparently Aramin was badly injured when I told him sfw does not mean kid-friendly. I wasn’t trying to make a ‘gotcha’ moment, Aramin, I was just stating something. But since you are so heavily affected by that, sorry I hurt your feelings I guess.

Third, I agree to scolding kids for lying about their age online and watching what they’re not suppose to watch. However, recommending that kids should just stay in Youtube Kids is just not right. Youtube Kids is specifically for kids who are at the age of 4-12, so a minor as young as 13-15 can watch your stuff. And it is also known that there’s still inappropriate content that is still posted in Youtube Kids, because they were fooled by the kid-friendly thumbnail and Youtube doesn’t actually check if the content is safe or not. And to just say, “well, they should just stay in Youtube Kids”, that’s an ignorant thing to say. Tell me guys, how young were you when you first watch or witness something that is not considered kid-friendly? Whether by accident or on purpose.

Fourth, what nice thing of him to say, “it is the parents’ fault for not monitoring what their children sees on the internet 24/7.” Yeah, it’s the parents fault, guys, it’s not like they have jobs or any house activities they have to do to take care of their kids. It’s their fault for not breathing down on their children’s neck every time they see a screen. And from him saying he doesn’t wanna stop his source of income because of the parents, Aramin, you’re basically saying, “I don’t support and I would never recommend minors watching my videos and I want my community to be safer for minors.....but I’ll still make money from minors watching my shit anyways, thank you very much.”

And finally, keep in mind, me and my friend did not bash nor insult Aramin while we were talking to him. We did not call him a predator, bad person, or whatever. But apparently something as simple as asking questions, even though you are confused for a good reason, counts as attacking or tearing someone down according to Aramin.

So yeah, overall, Aramin just comes off as a whiny brat, and this response just comes off as him going

“These people are confused, and they’re asking questions and giving me suggestions! It’s the worse thing ever, WHY CAN’T THEY SEE I’M A GOOD PERSON?”

Anyways, at the end of this post, I want to make this clear, whether your content is inappropriate or not, or your patreon is 18+ or not, I don’t care. The problem is if you actually interact with your fans in such a way. It’s asking for trouble and even if you don’t mean to interact with underage fans in such a way, it is still YOUR irresponsibility to act that way AT ALL with any age with your fans, who are also mostly complete strangers to you, especially when you are aware that minors might watch your stuff.

Just because you act in a certain way in your channel, does not mean you should act the same in person to your fans. We may saw Dakota Johnson’s boobs in Fifty Shades of Grey, but that wouldn’t mean it would be acceptable for her to flash her fans during a meet-and-greet.

Yes, it is the fault of the kids for lying about their age online or if they watch something they’re not suppose to, but in the end, YOU’RE the influencer. You are the one with the channel, you are the one who can fix what they watch or at the very least, make the situation a little more appropriate.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #368

“whatever doesn’t kill you, is gonna leave a scar”

Have you ever bought a YouTuber’s merch? My favorite shirt is the Day of the Dead design by Cloak, which is Markiplier's and jacksepticeye's clothing brand. Mom's friend/former co-worker also got me a Ninja Sex Party shirt because she knew I liked them. There are SO MANY YouTubers I wanna support by buying shirts. Do you think oatmeal tastes better when made with water or milk? Milk, 110%. Have you ever left a note in a library book? No. What time of day do you prefer to wash your hair? Morning. Has anyone ever spread lies about you? Yes. Have you ever taken a photograph with a celebrity? If so, did it turn out the way you wanted, or do you wish you could retake it? No. If you could move out of your home country permanently, would you? If so, where would you go? If it didn't mean being so very far from my family, I would love to move to Canada. Is there a celebrity that everyone else seems to love, but you find totally overrated? Why is it that you don’t like them? I legit don't know who's considered currently popular, and I especially don't know who they are as people. If you could volunteer for any charity, which one would you choose? Do you think it’s more important to help humans, or are animal and environmental charities equally important? Something relating to animals, and I think they're both equally important. Do you prefer holidays where you relax, or actually do things? I like a mix. Something chill, but you still do some stuff as a family. Do you think that after we die our spirit is still alive? Yes. Has anybody ever told you that you could be a model? Someone has mistaken me for a model in a picture I once took. It was one of the most flattering things I've ever heard, haha. Do you use different kinds of moisturizer for different body parts? ie. hand lotion for your hands, face cream for your face. Or do you just use one moisturizer for all body parts? Yes. Have you ever felt like you were someone’s rebound? No. Has anybody ever broken up with you over something really pathetic? What was it? Have you ever been dumped in a disrespectful way? (eg. through text, through a friend..) I have 100% been dumped in a very cowardly and disrespectful way; after dating Jason for nearly four years and being very serious, he broke up with me very abruptly over Facebook Messenger. His reason was valid, but at the same time, he NEVER talked to me about it. Apparently my depression was dragging him down. If he'd fucking communicated it, I would have explored new treatment options so goddamn fast. But no, he decided to snap his fingers and disappear. That's exactly WHY it was so traumatic, I think: it was so unexpected and sudden. Did you have a lot of role models as a kid? Animal enthusiasts like Steve Irwin and Jeff Corwin for sure. Do you feel like anyone looks up to you? Why or why not? God no. I'm just... not someone to aspire to be like. What was the last thing you found offensive? I'm not sure. Who is the nicest person you know? My mom. Do you feel safe in your country? I feel safe in NC, rather. Like I don't expect an atom bomb or terrorist attack or something in this obscure area. In the U.S.A. itself, sometimes I do, sometimes I don't. America is definitely not loved by every other country. Do you feel safe where you live? Not in this city, no. Have you been falsely diagnosed with something by a bad doctor? Yup. Did y'all know I apparently have ADHD? I know, shocking. Have you ever had a doctor refuse to treat you? No. Name the strangest game you’ve ever played (video game or real game): The first Silent Hill, probably. It took a lot of reading to get it. Do you know anyone who has been struck by lightning before? No. Which cartoon character would you want to keep as a pet? Does Stitch count? Or a Pokemon. Do you like marshmallows? Yes. What is your favorite flavor of candy cane? I really like the Jolly Rancher candy canes, I think they are? Have you ever fostered an animal? No. Do you still take hot showers when it’s hot out? Not as hot, but not cold except on very extreme occasions. When writing $ sign, do you draw one line through the S or two? Two. What animal have you always wanted as a pet but couldn’t have? I'm thankful that my parents were pretty open-minded to what pets I really wanted, but one I was never allowed to have was a ferret because of how messy and smelly they are. List three people you’ve had crushes on: Jason, Sara, and Sebastian were probably my biggest crushes. Have you ever thrown up from cramps? No, but god have I felt close. List three people you had a hard time forgiving. Jason, Colleen, and my dad. Who is the most spiritual person you know? Probably my sister's mother-in-law. Would you ever start a vlog? God no, I'd bore people to tears. Are your dreams coming true yet? I mean, I guess in some ways with my mental health. In my deepest depression, what I have now was a dream, even though current me is very discontent with it. Most of my dreams, though? No. Do you struggle with depression? I've been diagnosed with severe depression since 7th grade. Are you haunted by your past? A few things won't leave me alone. What medical conditions do you have? Just a lot. There are even more that are up for debate. I've talked about my diagnosed conditions enough. Do you use a Magic Bullet? No. What does your apron look like? I don’t have one. What are your favorite spicy foods? Hot Cheetos, Takis, hot wings, jalapeno pizza... Man, I love spicy food. Which do you like better: being an adult or being a kid? Being a kid. Were you excited to be a teenager on your thirteenth birthday? I had very mixed feelings. Did you feel insecure in high school? Shit, I still do. Would you ever be friends with someone who was suicidal? What the FUCK is this question? No fucking shit I would be. Someone being suicidal in no way affects who they are as a person. Who was the biggest bully in high school? I don't think there really was one. What was your favorite class in high school? Art. Would you rather have a daughter or a son? If I wanted kids, a daughter. Have you ever written to an advice columnist? No. Have you ever had a doctor not believe what you told him? Maybe? I did however have an employee at the ER the first time I went try to pry out of me that my self-mutilation was for attention, and it wasn't until I insisted about a dozen times that it wasn't that he believed me. It's odd looking back that I got REALLY attached to him during that stay, knowing now that it was absolutely horrible and extremely unhelpful for him to do that. If you’re female, would you feel uncomfortable having a male gynecologist? I would absolutely refuse to have a male one. Do you like Lisa Frank? Yeah, like can you talk about aesthetic. What gives you nightmares? Boy, I wish I could tell you, given how much I have them. Were you ever hospitalized as a child? No. Did you get senior pictures taken? No. What color is your bicycle? I don’t have one. Did you ever have to take home a fake baby in health class? No, thank fuck. Would you rather wear ivory or white on your wedding day? What color will your bridesmaids wear? I'd rather wear black. I think red will be the bridesmaids' color. Would you rather have a swimming pool or trampoline? I want a swimming pool so damn badly so I could exercise my legs without worrying about sweating, and I can stop and rest whenever I want, unlike going walking or something. I don't think my knees could handle a trampoline. Do you think babies are cute? Some, sure. But a lot, not really. Do you dream about the future a lot? Yeah. Do you think about your past a lot? Way too frequently. How good are you at living in the moment? I'm trying to get better at it. Have you ever questioned God’s existence? Yeah. Vanilla frosting or chocolate? Chocolate. What’s your favorite foreign cuisine? I've actually been exploring Italian pasta lately. I'm not a big fan of foreign food that I've tried, though. Have you ever moved to another state? No. Did you do anything productive today? No. .-. Can you say the alphabet backwards? No, actually. Do you like flowers? Of course; does anyone not? Have you ever thought you were gonna die? I didn't care if I did or didn't. What kind of mood are you in today? I was honestly really depressed through most of it. Just health stuff was really getting to me. I just woke up from what was honestly like a four-hour nap and I feel all right, I guess. What are you craving right now? I REALLY want Domino's jalapeno pizza. Is there anyone you would seriously punch right now if you had the chance? No. What is worse, physical or emotional pain? Definitely emotional. Have you ever walked in on somebody doing something… questionable? When Dad still lived with us, I think he might have been watching... you know... on TV when I came into my parents' room for something. Idk for sure though. I didn't ask, and I don't want to know. If you were to make videos on YouTube, what would they be of? Oh god, idk. I don't want to make any. What I'd have most fun with would be reptile education, but I 1.) have literally one snake, 2.) am not extremely educated on a good number of them and don't want to be misleading, and 3.) I would run outta content fast. So, leave it to Snake Discovery, haha. Posting pictures of yourself in a bathing suit on the internet - ok or not? Yes, it's okay????? If you're talking about me personally though, you won't see me dead in a bathing suit picture. Do you typically laugh when somebody falls down? No, I gasp and see if they're okay. What is the most disturbing movie you’ve ever watched? Paranormal Entity. The ending is... a lot. Your opinion of Katy Perry, please? I like a couple of her songs. If you could say anything to your Mom right now… what would it be? "Thank you for absolutely everything."

[shyrose57]

2: I will figure it out eventually and that's a promise.

3: Watson is aboustely heart broken and near tears multiple times as well hearing Ran in so much distress and actually crying. Jackie does cry, he attempts multiple times to hug Ran and make it known he's there to comfort him, but it only works sometimes, and when it doesn't work Ran gets scared and tries to get away believing an attacker has gotten him. Grievous is almost like silently grieving, knowing he can't do anything to help his close friend. Cletus feels bad, and since he isnt too good with emotions, focuses on instead attempting to cheer everyone else up. Isaac and Benjamin feel awful as they feel at fault for letting it happen, so to hopefully help they make plans on how to make Ran as comfortable and safe as can be while also getting him to a nearby town they heard about to hopefully reverse it. Charles is doing his damn best to comfort Ran while also distracting him from his own thoughts, which mostly means Charles (and Watson) play the role of story teller for a while. Ranbob is the hardest hit by it, he's suffering so much because he so badly just wants to go over and hug his little brother and comfort him, tell him that it'll all be ok and that Bobby would protect him. But also knows he can't because he knows that would most likely do nothing but make it worse. For a while he spends his time blocking his ears and wrapped in a comfort blanket trying to comfort himself, as everyone else tend to his suffering brother. One thing that makes it harder is that Ran begins to purr to himself in a vain attempt to comfort himself (cause I personally like to think Enderman hybrids are like cats and purr like them, when their happy, content, comfortable, but also to soothe themselves and heal wounds), when Ranbob knows Ran's never purred, so knowing he's so desperate to try it now hurts him. 

You will get some comfort, like Watson manages to convince Ranbob to at least hug Ran, and Ranbob manages to purr alongside Ran a bit, which does actually help to calm Ran down. Ran getting wrapped up with the fluffiest blanket they have and always having Watson, Jackie, or Grievous by his side. With Jackie tending to hold his hand. 

4: All of the above. Sudden touch can be overwhelming to Ranbob at times, especially when he's not doing well mentally. Also while in this state, touch reminds him of the desperate grabbing and touching of the people he killed that tried to escape or fend him off. And Dream was able to hurt Ranbob by starving and dehydrating him of course, but when Ranbob was being particularly disobedient and tried to fight back Dream would often take control and cut or stab Ranbob then gave back control as punishment. 

10: It does get better! Idk if I already said but Kelalen is actually where they get the antidote for Rans blindness potion! And when their given it for free and it works, they become very grateful to Adler and Lucia (the one who actually convinced Adler to give them the potion in the first place cause it was the only one left). And a few days after they arrive they actually decide to explore the town, where they meet Siren and get more information on Dream and who he was, they also get their weapons and armor repaired by them. But while talking with Siren, Cletus and Grievous sneak off and run into Atlas, then Cletus and Grievous agree to help Atlas with his prank. But by the end of their second week in Kelalen the group starts to truly enjoy their stay, Ranbob often saying how it kind of reminds him of Mizu before everything happened. 

12: Thats funny though and is exactly how I'd want to be seen.

13: *CLAPS HANDS* OH BOY DO I HAVE NEWS FOR YOU. I RECENTLY TOLD MY FRIEND ABOUT RANBOB SEEING HIS DEAD FRIENDS AND FAMILY BUT FAILED TO TELL THEM IT WASNT ACTUALLY PART OF THE STORY. SO THEY TOOK IT LITTERALY AND THEY HAVE GIVEN ME IDEAS, WHILE ALSO HELPING ME REALIZE THAT THIS COULD ACTUALLY BE USED TO SET UP FOR RANBOB MOVING PAST HIS TRAUMAS AND CAN LEAD TO MORE FLUFF AND ANGST. SO NOW IT IS PART OF THE STORY, WITH CHANGES THAT IT HAPPENED DURING A DREAM AND HE DIDNT BELIEVE IT AND CONSIDERED IT A CRUEL JOKE BY FATE ITSELF AT FIRST. AND YES BY AT FIRST I MEAN THIS HAPPENS MANY MORE TIMES.

Also my friend has a message for you, "HahA THEY BETTER THANK ME I SET THEM UP FOR MORE MISERY 😈😈 /j" (I wanna be safe so if you don't know /j means that their joking)

14: Im not doing Foolish and Dream brothers because I personally don't like/get it. But I was thinking maybe they meet Foolish after Mripat tells them that there was a member of the SMP who was said to be a god and immortal. And after some long conversations they decide to go hunt for this apparently immortal god. Which takes a while since no one actually knows where he is, just that he likes deserts, and have to go off possible sightings or hints in history books. And when they finally meet him they manage to learn about totems (which they previously didn't know about) and even get some. They also learn that infact even during the SMP time no one quite knew what Dream was, and learns the ways the SMP tried to permanently get rid of him. Foolish is also devastated to know that Dream infact survived and becomes determined to help them. Even offering his help that if they ever go back to Mizu to face Dream, he'll come along and help in anyway he can. 

15: I like to imagine Edward remembers Ranboo as the young troubled enderman that he basically adopted and took care of. So Edward sees Ranboo in both Ran and Ranbob, so he offers his help and advice. Basically becoming their Grandad, telling stories about everything he's seen. Especially about Ranboo because Ranbob is so curious about his ancestor he just cant help but ask. One convo I've been particularly thinking about goes something like, "Edward: Older one, what do you think your brother thinks about you? Ranbob: I..I think he doesnt like me, and that he wants me gone. Edward: Hmm, your wrong. Ranbob: What? Edward: When I look at Ran, I see a child, not an adult yet, scarred, scared and traumatized. A child that wishes you two were closer, that he could forgive you and wants to believe you, just so you two could be family again. But is afraid too, for he already has a family, that he is terrified of losing, and is scared if he attempts to trust you again that they may leave him. But make no mistake, your brother wants to make amends, your brother cares about you and wants you happy. He knows deep down that he can trust you, and that you are innocent, but you all must help him acknowledge those parts, and stand by him, helping him walk when needed, as he traverses his own nightmares." AKA I really want Edward to be the reason Ranbob realizes that Ran does want to be family again but needs help. Cause if I had to describe the brothers current positions with their trauma it'll be, Ranbob-Knows he has trauma and is trying to get better and live with it, willingly getting help. Ran-Is fucking drowning in trauma cause he refuses to acknowledge he has it and hides it well most of the time, also doesn't ask for help. 

2: I fear the day.

3: Hahaha, ow, ow, ow. That, overall, is...heartbreaking. At the same time though, it’s sweet to see everyone pitching in to do their best and help him. We got it with Ranbob, now we get it with Ran.

I am curious, though. From what you’ve said, Blindness potions don’t wear off immediately? Why’s that?

4: *Chants* Please punch Dream. Please punch Dream. Please punch Dream. How do the fishermen deal with this, and help Ranbob?

10: Oh, god, Ran’s blind when they arrive in town. That’s definitely a high tension situation. Not only have you got him out of commission, but everyone else high strung from it, and probably having their protective instincts in overdrive when they randomly get treated hostilely. What exactly does an antidote for blindness consist of? Do most potions have antidotes, or counters? Is milk no longer used, or is that not a thing in the AU? It does sound nice that they all end up making friends later on though. How does Ran adjust to having his sight back? And, y’know, having everyone see him like that, and his brother comfort him(if they aren’t on good terms at this point, the timeline’s confusing me a bit)

12: Throughout this conversation, every time I read something sad, the image struck me, and honestly, it’s what you deserve. If these keeps up, I’m gonna start inserting these little 🏹s every time you hurt my heart. 

13: I’m being conspired against. Does everyone see this? Brothers Anon and their friend are conspiring to break my heart. Such gremlins. What did I ever do to you two?

Also, you can tell your friend that from this point on, I will closely associate them with a tiny, purple, cackling imp. 

14: Huh. Why do they want to find Foolish? Curiosity? To learn more about the Smp? About Dream? Sounds like it has a lot of potential to be quite the interesting encounter. And, since they didn’t previously know about the totems, they probably wouldn’t notice if one activated in a certain situation where it’s popped...do with that what you will.

15: Anon, I love all of this. Tell me more about Grandpa Edward. Does he fondly look back to Ranboo being polite and quiet while Ranbob and Ran cause havoc in the background? Does he bake them snacks and tell them about Ranboo’s adventures, and how much he loved to mine-which, in hindsight, is kind of funny, considering you just mentioned that so few people follow Skeppy because of the mining, but apparently their ancestor did that thing for fun.

[monstersqueen]

Why is another of my AUs going ‘and here how things are going WORSE for Sasuke’?

Well I’m not sure WHERE it’s going for Sasuke, but he kind stole the show. This was supposed to be “so the chuunin exams happen in Suna, and Naruto’s mini arc of going from ‘terrified of gaara because of the reflection of himself he sees’ to ‘i feel his pain like it was my own’ happens in like two days due to being witness of gaara going murder-happy on his own co-patriots, and decidind that you know, fuck that, he’s on gaara’s side there’. (this is naruto. this is naruto looking at someone who just died gorily, probably undeservedly, and deciding to befriend the killer whether or not said killer change his way. i consider this is early enough in the manga that it’s plausible - especially in this particular situation. Later he’s more “it’s BECAUSE we’re alike i can’t stand your choices”; at this point though, faced with such a mirror of his own situation, it might happen. That’s. probably going to affect his later development in interesting ways)

Meanwhile Sasuke and Sakura are getting the ‘jinchuuriki exist; yes there’s one in konoha; suna is being very stupid to let the identity of their jinchuuriki be so immediately apparent’ lesson. Like, first murder incident, naruto was incredibly subdued while kakashi explained. THere was an exchange like that:

‘so, if there’s a jinchuuriki in konoha, who is it?’

‘well, that’s a military secret you don’t have the clearance for. Right now i’m just hoping ours is less obvious to an outsider’

*silence from naruto*

‘but, if no one knows, no one can treat them differently, right? and if there was someone going that crazy, we would know!’

‘Some people DO know, though. And our jinchuuriki might have better control and less homicidal impulses’

*more silence from naruto*

‘I don’t think we’re well placed to judge the situation. For us, it’s part of the paysage, we probably don’t even notice the way they’re treated’

(yes, this is kaakshi beating himself up)

So, Naruto goign straight to gaara, expressing his fury at the way he’s treated more than his horror at what is doing - that plus sasuke and sakura, who probably wouldn’t have put the pieces together otherwise, knowing how he’s treated in konoha - yeah, naruto is outing his statut as a jinchuuriki to sasuke and sakura, as soon as they think about it - like the ‘everyone treats naruto badly’ thing is usually passive knowledge, and it would not necessarily have tilted with the new information, even with naruto’s unusual quiet, if not for naruto not giving a shit Like, naruto trying to befriend someone who’s dangerous? ok, maybe, it’s naruto, who knows. The way he goes at it, though - that’s personal.

Like, Naruto is 100% aware of what he’s giving away. He’s also not giving a shit. Not if sasuek or sakura realizes, and not if Suna realizes something that’s a Konoha secret. Certainly not that it might put him in danger. He’s not going to say it outright - not until he and Gaara are somewhere they won’t be heard - but he’s also not going to give a crap if it can be understood from his actions.

Meanwhile Sasuke just saw his teammate walk through gore towards a murderer and insistently befriend him. Said teammate, who is usually always trying to get his acknowledgment, is absolutely ignoring him.

Like Sasuke goes from ‘i am terrified of that guy, and now terrified for my friend’ - to teh point he doesn’t immediately reject Sakura’s presence as he would usually do to run from his own feelings to ‘fuck him what is he he’s leaving me behind I DON’T NEED HIM I DON’T NEED ANYONE’ and while sakura is going after him, he’s not in the mood to let himself be cared for, and things are not going to be better for him. Not necessarily worse, but not better.

....i just wanted naruto meeting gaara in suna. I got that! but also i chose Kakashi’s pov, who is now alone in a foreiign village where he’s barely  not an enemy, and also is letting his sensei’s son, his genin, do something not only insanely dangerous but also possibly harmful for konoha. Because he trusts that he can pull it off with no harm for himself, and he considers that if he does, it will be good enough for him to compensate the potential harm to Konoha.

So! Sasuke and Sakura’s development are still on canon rails. Naruto and Kakashi? not so much.

[readersguidetotheuniverse]

Folie a Trois: a group read of... More Than Maybe by Erin Hahn

The supporting characters

Ariadna: From Zack to Meg, Phil to Marcus... I really liked that the supporting characters had background and depth... for a YA romance novel, that it is. Ok, they are not the deepest, most exceptional characters –they are a little bit stereotyped, and everything is sooo rose-coloured tinted–, but I appreciate how the relationships between them are depicted and how every one of them has their own unique quirks and background story. Nevertheless, I must add... I think Hahn’s attempt to make all the characters these goody-two-shoes has made some characters sort of a decaf version of what they should realistically be, see Charlie Greenly, Phil Josephs, Cullen... At times they were so soft they became even boring to me. I understand Hahn’s religious views, but honestly, no one is that good.

Alicia: I liked the supporting characters quite a lot, actually, all of them. In many young adult novels you find rather flat secondary characters that only exist to complement the main characters, but not in this one. All of them were complex, with their own defined personalities and their own stories. There were a few moments when I got a bit irritated by someone's actions, Cullen uploading Luke's song behind his back, for example. But real people are flawed and make mistakes so it's only fair that fictional characters do, too. 

Marina: First off, I have to say I loved all the secondary characters. I have to agree with Ariadna though, they are not overly deep but they get you right on the feels. I especially enjoyed seeing the different relationships between them –Zach and Cullen <3–. To be honest I found it a bit frustrating that they all kept telling Vada how amazing she is and how well she’s doing but it takes Luke, a person whom she’s officially met recently, to stand up to her dead-beat father. Talking about fathers, Phil is an amazing father figure and I’m really glad he at least encouraged Vada to follow her dreams. On a side note, can I just say that the first time I read about Cullen and Zach I pictured a more lanky version of Emmett Cullen dating Zeke (from high School Musical)? And that’s why I found it hilariously amusing when they started talking about Teen Wolf. Whatever happened to those DVDs?!

The ‘Bad Apple’ club aka Charlie Greenly

Ariadna: We all grasp to certain extent how business —corporate, big-money businesses— work, and it is understandable Charlie’s nasty partners took advantage of a teen’s rage burst, but, oh, man, how it bothered me when they tried to ruin poor Phil’s fund-raiser... What bothered me the most, though, is how Charlie Greenly was that blind, how he couldn’t see, beyond his own interests, how important the Loud Lizard was for Luke, his friends and for Ann Arbor, or to what extent the whole ‘Break for You’ issue bothered his own son. I honestly think his heroic act at the end doesn’t quite redeem him of the harm he has done. Besides, Charlie was supposed to be a Punk-rock star... What’s really left of that personality? Has her wife and kids completely transformed him into a dull wimp? Not quite believable, this character is. 

Alicia: Charlie made me so mad at him that sometimes I wanted to throw the book across the room. I understand parents always think they know best, it's in their parent DNA. But it was really frustrating and irritating how he kept trying to get Luke to do whatever he wanted, without considering what his son actually wanted. He kept trying to convince Luke to do something he had stated time and time he didn't want to do and was not going to do. He used him for his own interests and treated him kinda badly just cause he didn't fit with his own expectations for him. Realistic as it could be for most people, it's still shitty. It's almost cathartic how he redeems himself at the end by quitting Bad Apple to support his son but that doesn't change his shitty behavior towards Luke during most of the novel. 

Marina: I mean Charlie didn’t seem the brightest of the Greenly family, to be honest. I think he should probably listen to his sons more (and his wife). I find it hard to believe he didn’t know what he was getting into. He was a famous punk-rocker at a time where you had to be clever and sharp-witted, like, is he smart enough to stay away from hard drugs and keep his career afloat (and later become an accomplished music producer) but not know how to choose business partners? Apparently. And talking about his previous life as a punk-star… Can he stop trying to live his life through Luke? It finally dawned on him in the end, yes, but throughout the book Luke (and later Cullen) explicitly told him he didn’t want to be famous, it doesn’t excuse his behaviour!

Soundtrack

Ariadna: While some of the tracks on this book’s OST are not my cup of tea (see Demi and Taylor), I must confess: I’ve been listening to TøP the whole week. Hahn got me at Car Radio *shrugs*. Working in the book industry, I’ve always felt books, when possible, should offer something extra. I really love that this book, even more considering it is addressed to teens and YA, offers this little something to connect it to the readers’ real world, to make the story even more realistic. I think it is a loss that the book itself doesn’t include a QR code or a link to a playlist itself, but it is an easy search away in Spotify, thanks to some nice reader that has already put it up!

Alicia: I just had this one little issue with the music/artists mentioned in the novel: Vada hates Stevie Nicks and consequently I hate Vada. There won't be any hate towards Stevie Nicks in my presence. She is an excellent artist and I will not hear otherwise. Other than that I actually loved how important music in general is in the novel and how many real actual songs are shared along the story. I expected to find mostly alternative/indie bands so there was no surprise there. And music can tell a lot about someone so it was interesting to see the music Luke and Vada listen to, to understand them better. Also it was really nice to get so many songs in so many different styles to actually discover new songs myself. I'm really happy about how music really does play an important part in the book. 

Marina: I’ve mentioned I like it when authors add their little soundtracks to the books but this one goes far beyond that. You get to listen to the songs throughout the characters’ actions and feelings and the music is not only an add-on but it becomes part of the plot. Which, granted, it’s a book about a girl who writes reviews about bands and a boy that writes songs, how can music not be part of the book? But it goes beyond the “here’s a song that inspired this chapter/book/scene” to a basic subplot. Coincidentally, we all looked up different songs on Spotify because we hadn’t heard them before and we found a playlist made by a reader, we hope you enjoy it too!

Vada and Luke’s relationship

Ariadna: It is interesting to read a YA romance novel in which the main action doesn’t revolve 100% around the romance. It is way healthier than most: both Vada and Luke have clear goals and motivations that are not biased by their relationship, they motivate and encourage each other, there is no narcissistic chauvinist - submissive flower dynamics going on —thank the gods–, and they are supercute and honest with themselves. However —I always have one of these–, it is still a naive teen relationship, mostly in terms of the plotting and the writing. Surprisingly —see the irony— they both have had crushes on each other for years, but they haven’t acted upon it until now. They NEVER fail, get mad, do any bad deeds... ANYTHING. Are they even teenagers? Honestly, I hate when the characters in a book are these holier-than-thou perfection vessels. Added to the not-really-that-big-of-a-deal problems (what happened with the instagram issue? What about Vada’s funds for college? They don’t even really get *really* mad because of the Bad Apple thingy...), they feel kind of bland and not too realistic for my tastes. 

Alicia: At the beginning I thought it was a bit rushed, how quickly they trusted each other considering they had barely interacted before. Even if they had a crush on the other that doesn't mean they actually knew that person, not really. As they spent more time together and got to know each other, their relationship evolved pretty organically and naturally, to a point when it just made sense. It was really cute to see how they got closer through awkward encounters and how their passion for music helped them connect and relate to the other. Having read many young adult romances, it gets old very fast. The stories get kinda predictable and hard to believe. This one also had some predictable moments, almost all of them do, but overall it was a really nice love story, one I could actually believe. 

Marina: To be honest, I expected this book to be less about the music and more about the relationship between Luke and Vada. I think what Erin Hahn accomplished in this book is to show a much more mature relationship than I expected. I thought this would be your typical YA-Romance with a lot of drama and kissing, but instead I got a slow-burn story (so slow, it felt like moving through molasses) with depth, insecurities and, yes, drama. I think both these characters are more mature than expected on a YA romance novel and it was surprisingly refreshing. You still get some teenage-y sub-plots, i.e. the prom or even the 15-minutes of fame; but it doesn’t take away from the blossoming relationship between Luke and Vada.

The Grass is Greenly and Behind the Music 

Ariadna: I must be growing too old for this s**t, but I don’t get the whole podcast/blog thing. I get it, social networking does this kind of thing: turning a nobody into an internet sensation in a matter of days, but... I agree with Alicia, it is too much of a coincidence (one of the deus-ex-machina I so much hate) that both the main characters are internet-known... in a blog, nonetheless! Maybe Hahn could have used precisely this internet presence to make Vada and Luke meet each other, instead of the too-worn-out high-school cliché. And Marina has made me think... maybe some interludes as Cullen’s podcasts, letting us know some behind-the-scenes gossip (The Lindsay issue, Luke and Vada’s first kiss becoming viral, and so on...), would have spiced up the novel a bit more.

Alicia: Okay here's the part I just didn't believe and kind of threw me off a bit. What are the chances of a music blog and a podcast, both run by teenagers of the same age in the same city in the same bar, becoming really popular and actually viral. Who even reads blogs anymore anyway? (Says while writing in a blog). It was just quite hard to believe so many people read Behind the Music that even ROLLING STONE became interested. Yeah sure this extremely known successful music magazine wants a fresh out of high school blogger to work for them. And then the podcast. What could two teens have to say to have a podcast so popular that when Cullen uploads Luke's song it literally gets millions of reproductions and attracts attention everywhere. And both of them being run by two people working in the same place, going to the same high school… the world is not actually that small. Sorry it's just kind of extremely unrealistic and didn't particularly like that part. 

Marina: Seeing the “behind-the-scenes” of the day to day of a podcast was very interesting. I guess it would have been better if Cullen told the story as he is the one that does most of the work. Also, how did they get that famous? Is it just because of their dad? I don’t really get it. On the other side, I find it incredibly unbelievable that a teenage girl has that much input on a music blog that isn’t even hers and gets to go to concerts and stuff like that. I get that Phil is a cool guy but how come the blog is so famous and he doesn’t really care about it or mentions it much during the book besides sending Vada places? I just don’t understand that.

Overall

Ariadna: Honestly, I’m not one for YA romance novels, I think I’ve outgrown them by far, and they usually bore me. That said, this book has surprised me for good. It is a light read, doesn’t follow the genre clichés, it doesn’t make everything revolve around the main characters’ love interest, the supporting characters have personalities of their own and it has a wide-ranged well-put playlist, which I think is great for teens and young adults to read. I particularly didn’t like the religious issues coming up from time to time, but, overall, this is the best written book of the three we’ve already read for Folie a Trois, and that’s a lot to say! 

Alicia: Overall it was a really cute book. Initially it took me a while to get into it cause the plot wasn't exactly what I thought it would be, that was a tad disappointing. But then once you begin knowing the characters and they begin to know each other as well it's quite captivating and easy and quick to read. I really enjoyed the love story, I loved how diverse the characters are and how they interacted. I really like how the plot develops, too. If you're looking for a soft, cute, easy enjoyable read I definitely recommend this one. 

Marina: As most YA books that I read, it was entertaining but it didn't change my life. I really did like Vada and Luke's relationship, as I said I find it more mature for this genre; the music was a big highlight and the drama wasn't overwhelmingly dumb (as is the case in some other books). Overall a good book for summer and a light read for any other season ;)

[evening-blossoms]

So um. I'm a total idiot and forgot an entire day of my own challenge. I was gonna keep it that way since nobody had noticed but... that day was something I'd wanted to talk about for a while so...

Welcome to the very late and out-of-schedule day 10 of my SGE Challenge

Characters I would rewrite

Buckle down cause oooooh boy do I have shit to say - and because of this I'll be deviating from what I usually do and write a rant post instead! Given I don't want to make a way too long post, I'll simply go over a brief explanation of why they're in the list and what I'd change.

Kei of Foxwood (tw: drugging mention)

So this fucking asshole here apparently will get a redemption arc uh. I Actually already talked about this in this post I submitted but I will go over it again because it was kinda poorly worded imo (especially because it was written by sleep-deprived me at 3am)

Which is poorly driven given it starts with "Oh No! My beloved Rhian is dead, what shall be of me without my dear?". No. A good redemption arc should start with "Fuck I did something terrible and genuinly regret this and want to work on becoming a better person and fixing the mess I've made." Also, seems like Kei's form of redemption will be death and no, he should live with the consequences of what he's done.

Speaking of which - his redemption will also feel like an insult to the readers because seriously? He's way past redemption point for me now. He already was from QFG when he drugged Dot (which was something quite unecessary and Soman used an Extremely complicated and sensitive topic for the sake of shock value - but that's a whole new rabbit hole I'm not jumping into right now). And in ACOT he follows Rhian's orders which include attacking practically defenseless teenagers

So with that in mind, I'd either have Kei die the piece of shit he is or rewrite his arc from QFG in order to make a good redemption. First, erase that part with Dot and find another way to get to the keys. Again, it was an act that can be considered violence against women written down just for shock value. Given we do not have other scenes with Kei (except for the dungeons one), I'll leave it that for QFG.

In ACOT, start on his very first actual scene - the dinner scene. Have him hesitant on following Rhian's orders there, and perhaps hint it goes a bit deeper than hesitance. Then escalate it to him openly challenging Rhian's orders during that moment before the Blessing. The attack on SGE would be the first moment we see a greater act from him - maybe somehow going behind Rhian's back to stop that attack??? His last scene in the book is during the carriage ride with Sophie - when Kei tells her he's been going behind Rhian's back to stop the attacks he was able to, and knew he had to fix he'd made when he locked Tedros in the dungeons back in QFG. He agrees to help her somehow - but it goes terribly wrong when Japeth survives.

I myself still need to see a bit more how that could be well executed but that's the basic idea - have Kei's actions start from much earlier and have doing the right thing as motivation, not his love for Rhian - if anything, that should be a source of struggle.

Hort of Bloodbrook

This is can be either a rewrite of his own arc or a rewrite of the light he's written in.

He is a Nice Guy tm. Lets not try to pretend he isn't because he is.

He spends the entire first trilogy obssessing over Sophie, and acting entitled to her because he's a guy who's "genuine and truthful" or what so ever. Sure, Sophie might not be a perfect innocent girl and she did treat people who cared for her like shit at times, but that doesn't change the fact she never liked him. And even though she was wrong in parading him around like a "suitor" when trying to win Tedros' attention, she never again makes mention to liking Hort, or wanting to date him, or what so ever, and honestly, good for her! You should never date someone just because they have feelings for you.

Liking someone doesn't make you entitled to having them, and it doesn't make them obligated to like you back. And this what Hort can't understand. And not to mention he acts pretty sexist during the School Years:

"Every time he was free of rivals for Sophie’s attention, they always returned, more meddling than ever. Why couldn’t these toads mind their own business? Or die like Rafal did? True, he’d had Sophie to himself these past six months, but most of that was spent waiting out her I’m-an-Independent-Woman phase..." Quests for Glory, chapter 9: "Who Would Want a Hort?"

And also later during ACOT, in which he treats Nicola pretty badly

“Not bad enough, whatever it is,” Hort’s voice said, hijacking the demon. “He got us into this mess by fawning over Rhian like a lovedrunk girl.”

“Oh, so being a ‘girl’ is an insult now?” Nicola’s voice ripped, the demon suddenly looking animated in agreement. (A Crystal Of Time, chapter 5: Sophie's Choice)

There are other examples but I don't want to digress so this is how Hort is. I'd like to rewrite him into a person who had a immature crush on a girl and bent over backwards to get her attention - all of this a product of his own insecurity - but that grows out of it and in the process, also into a mature person who's confident in himself.

Also, in case someone doesn't understand: the problem isn't a crush. Having crushes is totally normal and ok, and so is not having them! The problem is when your crush over someone becomes nearly obssessive because of your immaturity and inner problems.

And as I was gonna talk about the light Hort's written in: all of this bullshit, and he's written as the nice underdog who we are supposed to root for. Soman keeps romanticizing him and that kind of behavior and that's terrible. So I'd either change Hort's behavior or write him in the light of what it truly is.

Rhian of Foxwood

Honestly? I liked him as a villain. I have no problem with him believing he was doing Good - in fact, I liked it! It's a good contrast to the previous villains, who knew they were Evil, wanted to be this way and took pride in it.

What I would change are just two things: one is that last kiss scene with Sophie during chapter 25 of ACOT, since it was absolute bullshit after all the shit he did to her which I don't feel the need to list - we all know it.

Second thing, I'd have made him a seer! Soman missed a huge potential when he made Rhian a Sader without giving him the seer abilities. That whole "Third Mysterious Pen" deal was unecessary, and it could be replaced by Rhian's visions.

And guys, come on - EVIL SEER IS A DOPE CONCEPT.

Nicola of Woods Beyond

Don't get me wrong, I love Nicola - and this is kind of why she's in this list, actually.

She's an amazing character - bookworm represent! She's also one of the few poc representation this book has, so I like it went to someone as amazing and smart as Nic. 

So for that I think Nicola should have been explored more. She's usually put as background character and only brought up when it's convenient - she's basically plot device. Which sucks because again, she's awesome. I'd have explored her ability to apply what she learns in stories to real-life issues a bit more, and paired her up with Agatha more times! Both are brilliant girls and I feel Agatha was at times dumbed down so Nicola could solve the problems, and honestly, I hate it when a character is dimmed so the other can shine.

So I'd have put them together - Agatha, experienced and quick-thinker, and Nicola, an extremely smart girl who doesn't really have half the experience Agatha has in the Woods. They both learn from each other - it's a deal of teacher (Agatha) learning from the student (Nicola). 

And allow me to push the Nicphie agenda here - I'd totally expand her relation with Sophie - explored their feelings going from mutual hatred to mutual respect to liking each other to very lesbian love. The Best enemies to lovers.

Also, SOMAN WHAT WAS THAT OF CAVING IN THE SCHOOL FOR EVIL AND SADER TELLING THE DEANS TO ACCEPT HER I DEMAND EXPLANATIONS

And lastly I'd remove the Hicola part super unecessary lmao

So that's it! I actually have some more to talk about but I didn't know how to word it properly and I don't want to make a super long post lmao. I might make a part two of this, but separate for the challenge!

I apologize for the disruption in schedule, I legit forgot day 10 lmao. I'll be doing Day 13 tomorrow so hopefully everything will go back to normal!

[blackasmidnightcats]

Continued discussion about Sophie's "redemption arc"

Original post from @agathasarmy

@agathasarmy I've moved this to a new post cause I have a lot of feelings and still want to continue this discussion and I hope you don't mind

So anyways...

(this wouldve been also a great way to introduce the concept of legacies, especially with the past vs. present. vs. future theme and it would also parallel tedros’ storyline as they’re both dealing with the fallout of carrying their predecessor’s glory)

YESSSS

All of them have big shoes to fill because of the people who've nurtured and believed in them

One thing I really hated in the camelot years was the lack of mourning that Agatha and Sophie did for Callis and Lady Lesso respectively.

That is the kind of anguish that I was looking for. Just them being children and missing their parent/parental figure and wishing that they could still be someone's child who could look out for them and motivate them when they needed.

Like Sophie remembering that Lady Lesso believed in her the way that Sophie could never do and Agatha remembering how her mother would have wanted her daughter to live out her life with with love and adventure.

Let's not even get with Tedros (that's a whole other meta in itself)

so far all i got was lesso and hester being the best examples of it, but what i also got from them was that Evil wasnt being cruel but serving as the balance to Good like ok???? what exactly does that entail??

Exactly, I'm really frustrated about this because as much as Soman has tried to make us understand that Good and Evil are equals, he has never actually shown us how equal they can be since all the Evil figures that we have are usually helping Good.

I'm really pissed that the Coven's quest involve them finding a new School Master when they have absolutely no need to do that. They should be doing their own stuff instead. It's the one thing I shame Prof Dovey for.

that was what I expected the series would be: Tedros and Agatha as Good because Good always stands stronger together, and Sophie as Evil because Evil is best alone, but not lonely

I stand behind your point about "Alone but not Lonely" quote because if that does not describe Sophie's biggest problem than I don't know what does. She can have all the fans that she wants and build the whole School for Evil in her tribute and pretend that she's a strong independent woman who doesn't need a man but she'll still feel the loneliness seep through if she doesn't have a closure with her insecurities and envy

instead Soman subverted our expectations in the worst way possible since GoT S8 (dont @ me)

I will stand by you with the hate for GoT s8. That was a trainwreck so badly done it imploded on itself. Recently, writers that have big productions have been having a hard time gracefully ending their stories

EXACTLY I JUST KNOW SOMAN’S GONNA BRUSH IT OFF OR BARELY MENTION IT WHEN THIS KIND OF DIALOGUE IS MORE IMPORTANT TO THE MESSAGE OF THE STORY THAN SOMAN RANDOMLY INSERTING DOVEY AS TEDROS’ GODMOTHER OR REAPER BEING KING FOR PLOT CONVENIENCE

I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL. I WILL NOT STOP BEING SO FREAKING BITTER ABOUT IT.

Soman was off with a good start on that one. I would have been more interested with Sophie trying to handle her narcissistic desires vs her need to actually be a decent Dean to all the new students just like how Lady Lesso was for her. Her understanding how to be Evil and be herself would have been a nice read.

if soman had to bring back a trope from the last era, it would be the discussion of dichotomies i.e. Good vs. Evil, instead of the evil lover trope cos aint nobody got the time for that

YESSS

It's still technically the school for GOOD AND EVIL SERIES even if we go to a new era I was hoping that Soman would still have these as the roots but NOOOO.

His obsession with Sophie obsessing over boys that obsess over her is a strong one apparently.

like at this point it’ just really blatantly obvious how much Soman favors Sophie and I wouldnt be that bothered if he didnt sacrifice the plot or the other characters’ brain cells to go along with it cos to this day I refuse to believe that people really would just accept Rhian like that after reading The Tale of Sophie and Agatha

EXCATLY. I HONESTLY COULD NOT UNDERSTAND SOME OF THE DECISIONS OF THE OTHER CHARACTERS ABOUT THIS.

Like did no one still understand that not everything is what it seems?!

I am baffled with how easy they trusted a comeplete stranger over Agatha who has proven over and over and over again that she fights for the good of EVERYONE and is perfecrly willing to sacrifice her happiness for theirs.

Like at this point I'm thinking that her fairy tale propably does not do justice for everything that she's been through cause if the other people of the Woods read her story the way we did, there would be no doubt that we would stand behind Agatha for a lifetime

like cmon people we went through this already?? a random hot stranger coming out of nowhere??? ITS THE RED FLAG

In defense with them, (and I am saying this very, very off handedly) Rhian did come around saving everyone's asses and was a pretty decent guy (NOT).

WHAT I AM REALLY SURPISED ABOUT IS THAT THEY WANT A PIECE OF HIM AND HOW EASILY THEY TRUSTED HIM WITH EVERYTHING

I THOUGHT THE POINT OF THIS SERIES WAS TO SHOW THAT ROMANCE WASN’T THE ONLY HIGHEST MANIFESTATION OF LOVE, BUT A LOVE BETWEEN FAMILY OR A LOVE FOR ONE’S SELF WAS JUST AS IMPORTANT????

One of my biggest beefs with Soman's writing. He highlights romance too much compared to platonic and self love. I want a moment with Sophie like the one in TLEA where Agatha was getting stressed about letting Sophie and Tedros grow closer and Soman managed to pretty realistically portray that; Agatha was being insecure and possessive and jealous but she let herself reflect on her actions. She made peace with it and faced it with bravery even though it really hurts her. Because she understood that she would never have closure for this if she didn't let it happen.

AGGIE IS THE BEST. I LOVE HER

Why the hell can't Soman write something similar like this for Sophie.

WHY SOMAN PUTTING THIS AMATONORMATIVE BS IN THIS STORY AGAIN LIKE WE ARE TIRED

In fairness, Sophie getting into ANOTHER romantic relationship I will PASS SO HARD.

But for everyone else that deserves some romantic love (TAGATHA PLS) I will accept crawling

also I like your ideas on what could’ve happened instead, with Rhian being more proactive towards Tedros and Agatha instead of Sophie - it would play well into the Camelot myths and themes that I was really expecting in the new era

I KNOW RIGHT?!?!?!

If Soman could only just get over his Sophie Obsession, then he would understand that Tedros was the perfect target for Rhian's manipulations and Sophie was the perfect target for the downfall.

I have no idea how the hell did Rhian think (but apparently it worked because soman plot) that seducing Sophie would win him the love of the Woods.

plus it wouldve been a chance for Sophie to actively help them instead of tearing them apart like in the last 3 books?? like she’s kinda doing that rn but it would’ve been nice if she didn’t have a hand in stealing their happiness like she’s always done too

Well...for me she doesn't seem like she's tearing them apart anymore but I stand with your point about her stealing their happiness.

This could have been good, good character development for her. Her realizing that she keeps making tagatha miserable and stealing what belongs to them and the complexity that comes with her inner struggle between her envy vs love for her best friends.

PLUS CHADDICK DESERVED TO LIVE INSTEAD OF BEING KILLED FOR PLOT CONVENIENCE LITERALLY IT’S THE WORST DEATH IN THE SERIES NOT COS IT’S SAD BUT COS IT DOESNT MAKE SENSE AND MAKES FOR TERRIBLE WRITING IMHO

"NOT COS IT'S SAD BUT BECAUSE IT DOESNT MAKE SENSE"

SCREAM IT A BIT LOUDER SO SOMAN CAN HEAR IT AT THE BACK!!!!

Soman, I will never forgive you for doing this to this boy.

You could have made Tedros and Chaddick have a falling out. I mean the last time that they interacted was during AWWP and Chaddick treated Tedros as crap. I know that all of us headcanon that these two are each other's best mates but they've barely had significant interactions for me to consider that a case.

They'd be so pressured about not followong the legacy of Arthur and Lance that a small problem could propably tear these two apart.

also, on another point, you would think Sophie would be more sympathetic to Tedros situation given that they’re both leading populations, essentially

plus Sophie learned to understand Tedros’ mind better in awwp??? where the hell did that relationship development went (even if she was Filip at the time)??

I am honestly more suprised at how viciously Tedros seems to treat her.

Like it wasn't that long after TLEA that Tedros was perfectly willing to let Sophie stay in Camelot and even asked her to visit but come his coronation (which was like less than a day after) he keeps on proclaiming about how happy he is with her out his life and in aCoT his distrust for her was off the roof.

Then there is the Handbook ordeal with Sophie just completely roasting Tedros like what happend to the two of you?

I don't even understand Soman's decision about this. It doesn't even affect the actual storyline in anyway. It's just Sophie and Tedros at each other's throats.

Tedros has been treated the crappiest out of the main trio (let’s be honest) as if the game was built to oppose him, meanwhile Sophie gets major Soman privilege and is given the role ONCE AGAIN that could change the game

THIS

It's the reason why I can't even read AWWP anymore. It hurts too much to have to read at how badly the other characters treat him. Just reading the first line of that book gets me anxious.

And PREACH THAT SOPHIE HAS MAJOR SOMAN PRIVILEGES.

This is why I was actually suprised that Soman shared that he planned on killing Sophie off at the end of TLEA but we'll never how that story went

like if the School Years was for Sophie to realize and accept her Evilness, couldnt Soman have decided to give Tedros and Agatha the deciding roles this time around given that, you know, it’s called the CAMELOT YEARS ERA???

Honestly, I just want Tedros to have the most agency out of all the characters. Like make his decisions actually matter to the plot. Make him the center of the plot and revolve Rhian's plans around him instead of being against him cause that's exactly how Agatha's role in the school years era was for Rafal.

The basic formula goes like this;

Sophie important to the Rafal's/Rhian's/Japeth's/hell even Evelyn Sader's plan

Agatha/Tedros are in the way of that plan so they have to go

Agatha/Tedros saves Sophie's ass

Sophie making the big decision

Like didn't Soman say that he didn't want to be that repetitive writer? That's why he changed the ending of AWWP because it was too similar to the first book?

WTF SOMAN?

she’s still out here wanting someone to look at her the tedros looks at agatha (honestly big mood right there) but I wish this didn’t have to be her main conflict

This is actually why I'm not that mad that Sophie fell for Rhian. Because at the end of the day Sophie will be Sophie.

But I agree I kinda hoped that she wouldn't be as guilible

the girl is smart and knows her worth so I can’t really understand why she decided to get ENGAGED to the next person (Hort obviously cant count cos plot) who tells her she looks pretty???

NOW THIS. THIS IS MY BEEF WITH SOPHIE.

I can understand why she'd date him but MARRIAGE?! That was going a little bit too far.

You'd think after her engagement with Rafal that she'd be TRAUMATIZE for the next one.

And honestly it would have been hella funny if she did feel this way. Imagine Rhian nearly getting all that he needed but Sophie just straight up leaves him on the stage cause she's still got issues with it.

Would have been my favorite scene

And Hort, poor boy, he needs character development of his own. I'm not his fan honestly and currently, he's not winning me over.

ALSO THE FACT THAT SHE ENDS UP BEING CONSIDERED FOR THE ROLE OF QUEEN OF CAMELOT INFURIATES ME SO MUCH COS WE WENT THROUGH THAT SHIT IN TLEA???? WHY ARE WE BRINGING THIS UP AGAIN????

THIS. THIS IS MY BEEF WITH SOMAN

Can he not understand that she would be crap as QUEEN?

A parallel I noticed with Rhian and Sophie is that they both completely remodeled their respective castles in their image. Not even considering anyone else. And they both treat their faculty as crap.

Kinda tells us that she really would be crap as queen.

At least the Camelot citizens had enough braincells not to fall for this crap

Every other kingdom in the Woods though. They better be budgeting gold to Tedros and Agatha once they're back on the throne.

(and im so so tired of Sophie stealing Agatha’s Ever After from her, indirectly or not, like cant she just be happy for her best friend and move the plot in some way other than this???)

I really do believe envy is only one of the things that Sophie needs to sort out. The fact that she admitted at the end of TLEA that she does, in fact, feel envious that Agatha gets to be a queen and her little episode in the Ever Never Roundtable about how she's the one with the official title of queen and that Agatha isn't even a princess says a lot.

I wouldn't have minded if Sophie had a slight blackout and just lost it and saying mean things about Agatha but instantly regreting it because no matter what, deep down in the foundations of her soul, she loves Agatha with everything that she has. And is she has the be in a constant battle with herself about this fact then she's willing to keep on fighting. That would have been satisfying to read.

I mean just imagine if Sophie was there when Agatha was leading her army and Hester mentions that Agatha is Queen in the School, in Camelot, or anywhere elsse in the Woods. They would follow her. Willingly.

Sophie would have had a panic attack.

This girl needs to learn that she can't force people to be loyal and follow her by making every physical reminder of how amazing she is but instead she needs to lead and make some sacrifices of her own because she's doing these sacrifices in the benefit of Evil and its future instead of herself.

Sophie appreciating people?? Not only remembering them when she needs something from them??? Like @ soman im not asking her to be the next Mother Theresa but I’ll take this character development pls and thank u

I am all in for Sophie appreciating everyone. If she can't do it for other people, then she better do it for Evil.

[tacosandtomcos]

Honestly one of the things i hate most about the love plot in general is the hypocrisy coming from both the show and the fanbase in regards to star and marco.....and their actions against Tom’s.

The same things Tom gets constant crap for, are the same things people brush off all the time for starco.

Tom was criticized in s1 and 2 for spying on star and marco, for being obsessed with who star dated, for being a jerk about star’s choices even if his actions were emotion driven and not entirely intentional.

But Star can spy on Marco’s relationship with jackie for MONTHS (As the holiday spellcial proved she hadn’t done it just once, she did it even after BBTBC), can be kinda rude to jackie, and cause damage due to her emotions.....and not get the same amount of criticism from the show, or the fans.

and i’m serious when i say even the show does not address a lot of these issues.

Marco never even finds out Star was invading his privacy because she didn’t want him spending time with another girl.

So Tom can get criticized for being a jerk to marco and star hanging out with marco, but if star does it star is valid to do these things and her feelings are not addressed by her or dealt with as being unhealthy.

In s4 they have an episode with star addressing marco as his own person, but at the same time the entire matter of star being too obsessive of marco dating someone else or her constantly spying on his personal business is something the show didn’t address at all.

like, innocent crushes are fine and all that but when it comes to the point in which you become invasive in people’s lives and want them to yourselves it’s not healthy, and that was a big point with tom’s redemption was to do his own thing and not focus so much around star.

Which is the opposite of star and marco by the time s4b rolls around, when their main concerns revolve around each other then most of the other characters or any of the consequences of their actions.

Erasing all of magic is a big deal, so many creatures die, and so many characters star and marco have gotten to know are gone forever.

But the biggest thing Star cares about, is her boyfriend of a few hours and seeing him again.

I know these are teens but a matter this serious should have higher stakes then what we are presented with, because if the biggest issue here if these two aren’t going to date it just kinda comes off like that’s the only thing they care about when pulling something like this off.

They come off selfish when everyone else in this serious matter aren’t even considered, when mewni itself is at stake because of this.

Even small things, like Tom texting star.

Apparently this makes him “Obsessed” and means he needs to break up with her.

Ignoring the fact STAR was doing the same thing.

Heck, Slime and Penelope were doing something similar awhile ago and everyone thought it was cute, but no, it’s bad if tom does it and star does it back for one episode...

And the finale is a huge step back in general for marco especially.

Marco has this whole issue starting from last season about him wanting to be here for his sibling, not to leave them and stay on mewni for the rest of his life.

but the finale implies marco did the opposite of that, for star.

Marco was going to leave his sibling and family behind for mewni, the same thing he said he wasn’t going to do, without hesitation apparently. 

Star did the same, leaving everyone behind for marco.

and though it sounds sweet to want to be with someone so badly, under the circumstances of the show, it kinda makes both of them seem selfish for their families, friends, and topped with the fact the biggest stake to the show in their mind is not being together....they just kinda come off like they’re obsessed with being together.

They hurt their SO’s because of each other.

They were going to abandon their families because of each other.

They almost died due to this.

And we’re supposed to interpret this as....romantic? Because the show doesn’t call them out on this, if anything, they treat it as fine and acceptable.

TKS was an episode about them being friends even at long-distances, but that never came to pass because star and marco couldn’t give each other up, not even for their well beings or their friends of families they've known for much longer.

Heck, the same fandom that treated tom as a rebound, apparently thinks it’s ok if star dates marco the next day....as if that doesn’t sorta make marco a bit of a rebound or....well....makes star seem like she used tom...which....is not really helping her case.

This fandom gives Tom so much flack for this and that but apparently it’s only an issue if he does it.

And nothing star and marco have done because of each other is unhealthy or in any way, a problem that needs to be addressed or have the show address.

It’s entirely hypocritical to go so hard on Tom for things he did, but if star and marco do the same things it’s acceptable.

Nor is it acceptable to go hard on him for being so obsessed with star, when star and marco’s have lead to more serious issues and even hurting some of the character development they were supposed to have.

Tom is a genuinely good character to have when it comes to teaching kids that you don’t need your life to revolved around one person and you shouldn’t obsess over getting with them and getting them back so much.

But the show sends so many mixed messages when Star and Marco’s main goals by the end of the show seem to be mostly being together, uncaring about the fates of everyone else around them seemingly.

Star and Marco slowly devolved into being selfish and having their lives revolved around being with someone, and that’s kinda sad because they had ideas set up about star finding her place in life and marco moving forward.

but their endgoals were just to be together.

they’re best friends, i get that, it’s not like i can’t how someone would see this as some sweet gesture.

But when a show actively talks about unhealthy behavior when it comes to crushes with a character like Tom, ignoring said similar if not worse behavior when it comes to star and marco by both the show and fans make you question what the show is supposed to be teaching kids.

letting someone go is hard but it would’ve said a lot about them if they went through with it, knowing they would be close no matter what.

But neither character was willing to make that kinda sacrifice for each other and could’ve died in the process, they couldn’t grow for the other to be happy to even be allowed a future without being together and it feels like it just sends the wrong kinds of messages even if it wasn’t intentional.

[selfshipstuff]

Love Tropes Asks: Michael

ok that’s it

im just gonna go fucking Ape Shit Feral. no asks necessary BINCH

prompts from this post

answers got long af so the rest are under the Read More

Aborted Declaration of Love

We both just kind of suffer for a while, quietly trying to get up the courage to say something, but he’s really shy, and I’m impatient with myself, so I’m the one mostly initiating it-- and it ends up with a bunch of accidental awkward silences where I’m like, obviously trying to tell him something (even he can tell) but I lose my nerve at the last second and just sort of nervously laugh it off. Eventually, I do confess, and I actually wrote a confession fic here. 

It went well enough!! We’re both just a bundle of nerves and anxiety, so it’s sort of clunky, but it goes well. :)

Accidental Hand-Hold

At first we don’t even notice, probably, because technically the first hand-holding to occur is most likely during a team fight-- when one of us is helping the other off the ground or pulling the other out of harm’s way. In the moment, we don’t think anything of it, focused on the situation and all; later, though? Oh my god, the realizations... the blushy tossing and turning in bed, staring at the ceiling and yearning....

My first purposeful hand-hold is actually before we’re together: I tend to do that thing where like, when comforting someone or starting a serious conversation, you take their hands in yours. It’s just sort of... grounding, and intimate, and like... I don’t know, it just feels right. Once we’re together, I love to take his hand and kiss the back of it at random while we’re holding hands. (He always gets so flustered, it’s adorable!)

The first time Michael moves to hold my hand is probably sometime around the time of the confession. Maybe a little before (during the yearning stage) or a little bit after (during the honeymoon stage) but honestly, it becomes so natural for him to just like... reach over and thread our fingers together that I don’t really know when it started. We both have a fair amount of anxiety, so it’s a simple, quick, easy, and sweet fix for when one or both of us feels it creeping up-- and like, who doesn’t like to feel the touch of their lover every once in a while?

After-Action Patch-Up

This trope happens a lot, actually, given the nature of the source material. I mean, we’re essentially a superhero team, so we’re on the front lines of the action 24/7; in the comic, everybody gets beaten up fairly often and usually to a wince-inducing (occasionally tears-inducing) extent. So you’d think we would be used to it, given the world we (he and my self-insert) live in, but... yeah, that’s not the case. 

When Michael sees that I’m hurt, it sort of depends-- I mean, 100%, he hates it and it’s upsetting to him, and he’s gonna be extra gentle and probably trace the injuries with his fingertips (or his gaze, if the injury’s too sensitive) but if he sees me being actively hurt by someone? Ooh. I’m definitely the more feral one generally speaking, but in this particular circumstance, he might give me a run for my money. Just picture this gentle, angelic dude going full “eliminate the threat and get them out of danger” mode. 

Of course, afterward, he’s immediately landing and rushing over to me (dropping to his knees if I’m on the ground) and frantically looking me over, hands hovering nervously over my skin, voice all shaky and quieter than usual when he speaks. hhh Anyway-- he does have some knowledge of first aid, since he grew up all isolated in the mountains and he had to know how to help himself and his family when things took a turn for the worse; mostly, he’ll patch me up however he can, and if it’s bad enough he’ll leave the fight to get me to safety and/or a hospital (depending on how close to done the fight is). If he’s not too badly hurt toward the end of a fight, he likes to help the paramedics patch up his teammates who are worse-off; if I’m among them, I’m the one he goes to. 

When I see him hurt, there’s... a lot less hesitation and a lot more ass-kicking. I’ll be honest, I’m really protective in general and I can’t handle seeing the people I love get hurt in any way, shape, or form. This fact combined with my feral energy is kind of a recipe for disaster at times, considering we’re supposed to be the good guys-- I mean, I’ve got a feeling it’s not great for the team’s image if I just fuckin’ electrocute anyone who hurts my boyfriend. Regardless, though, if anyone seeks him out (in a fight or otherwise) with ill intent, they better be prepared for the death and/or thorough beating they’ve earned. There’s a particular event in canon that haunts me so much I had a dream about it, and I ended up just... losing control of my powers and just completely fucking destroyed this girl who-- hhhh. Anyway.

When it comes to how I treat him afterward, it’s much the same-- the horror of seeing him like that and the cautious gentleness I treat him with are pretty much exactly the same, and we both do that hand-hovering thing like we aren’t sure if we’re allowed to touch (or we’re scared to hurt our love even more). One thing I always end up doing is just. Brushing his hair out of his face and tucking it behind his ears until eventually I just... ever so carefully bring my hands up to cradle his face-- usually just one cheek at first, and if he leans into it, I starting tearing up on the spot. Then I just... gently bonk our foreheads together because like jesus christ I almost lost you. I’m so glad you’re still here. After the fight, for the long run, I’m very doting toward him when he’s recovering; I’m not the nagging “you have to rest” type, but I’m more softly affectionate and I bring him things, do things for him. 

Almost Kiss

I’m not sure when exactly our first kiss is, although it’s probably during the same scene as the confession fic I linked in the first answer-- but as for how it is? Oh my god. 

He’s not experienced at all, like... I’m his first kiss, and it’s obvious because he’s so clearly anxious about it. Luckily, I do have a little experience, and also we’re both just super gentle-- in general, but especially with each other. It’s soft and uncertain, but we tend to melt into each other in pretty much any scenario because we’re just,, so comfortable with each other. So it’s only uncertain for a short bit before we’re pulling away all starstruck, breathless and giddy, only to go back in for another (and probably several more after that, to be honest.)

Beautiful Dreamer

Hmm. Well, it’s kind of hard to say who falls asleep first? Michael struggles with trauma-induced insomnia, and my sleep schedule is terrible-- plus, if he can’t sleep, I like to stay up with him (even if I doze off a few times while he’s reading) so... I mean, I guess on the nights that he sleeps, he’s the first to fall asleep? It probably helps that like, apparently when I play with people’s hair they get sleepy. (I have... the magic touch...) And I mean, it’s cheesy and predictable, but he is beautiful when he’s sleeping. He’s always gorgeous, but when he’s asleep he just,, relaxes in a way he never really seems to when he’s awake. 

On nights where I doze off first, it probably takes him a little while to notice because, like I sort of mentioned, he likes to read when he can’t sleep; he gets completely engrossed in the stories, and like, on occasion he’ll read something he thinks is cute or funny and he’ll grin and look over/down to share it with me, but sometimes he’s like oh because I’ve just... quietly fallen asleep all cosied up to him. And he just immediately softens and slowly blushes, usually just... pausing to study me for a moment before remembering the book, then he just kinda,, haphazardly bookmarks the page before setting it aside and shuffling around a bit so he can cuddle up to me. Sometimes this leads to him dozing off, too, but not always!

Regardless of the situation, though, we always sleep better when we’re together.

Bodyguard Crush

Okay but like... Michael just being himself is what makes me feel safe?? Everything about him just feels like home to me. He’s so gentle, and sweet, and like... hhh. I just feel like, there’s no question as to whether he would be accepting of me for who I am in my entirety, and that just means,, so much to me, you have no idea-- like I,,, I’m not actually super confident in myself a lot of the time, and I project this confidence anyway because I’m working on it, but I do usually have anxieties and doubts about how people perceive me, whereas with Michael there’s just this... exceedingly rare peace of mind. Like, most of the time, I have to try so hard to convince myself (like, “yeah, they’d totally be accepting, and if not, they can be in your canon” which isn’t as comforting as I’d like it to be) but like, with him it’s not even a question?

And like, I just... like I said, he’s so gentle, sweet, and understanding, and he’s just... like, he doesn’t want to hurt anyone, and he’s so careful not to when it’s not necessary. He’s so quietly aware of people, and like... I dunno, I just,, I tend to be that person for people, and often it feels like my own feelings go unnoticed or ignored, but I’m like... actually confident that he would. Notice?? And be good to me???? Which is just,, so wild of a concept but it’s exactly what I need.

And then like. This one’s not great of me, but the fact that we both have trauma to deal with actually kind of makes me feel better. I mean obviously I hate that he’s traumatized and it fucking HURTS that people have treated him like this, but I just-- like, I don’t know, I just. I don’t really talk about it, but sometimes I feel broken, or like I’ll never be good enough, or like I’m actually a horrible person, but then like... with Michael, I just,, it’s so clear to me that like... he’s not broken or terrible or insufficient because of his struggles, not at all, and y’know, I think we’re good for each other and that we make each other happy, and that feeling kind of just... fades? Wanes? It’s not gone completely, and I don’t know if it ever will be, but still, he makes me feel secure. 

Um. I guess one last one!! Michael is shown to be very caring and like... he’s always fighting for people, and he’s got this gentle protective nature-- in canon he’s got this tendency to take on responsibility for others’ safety, and it hurts because he blames himself when they get hurt but it’s also just,, he’s so selfless, okay?? And he just,,, I know he would fight for me and like, put in the effort, and potentially stick his neck out for me, and that’s terrifying because I don’t want him to get hurt but on the other hand like... it means I know he’s got my back. 100%. And I mean... what can feel safer than that?? Because I’ve got his back too, so I’ll be doing my damnedest to make sure he doesn’t get hurt, and I can feel confident that I won’t be taking the brunt of things because he’s doing the same for me. If that makes sense dgjkjkdhgkj

Caught in the Rain

Ah, okay, well... the thing is, I lovvvveeeee the rain, so I would be ecstatic for a second, but then I remember like, fuck, Michael. Because the rain actually makes Michael sort of nervous, and I guess you could say, uh... flighty? See, like, his wings are A Thing and his feathers don’t repel water like duck feathers do-- his just get waterlogged, and then he can’t fly, so he’s grounded until he can dry off and fix them up, which makes him very anxious. Usually, he just freezes for a second and I have to sorta shepherd him into an area where there’s cover from the rain. 

If it takes too long and he gets rained on, he gets fidgety and tense, and I gotta like... gently tug him over to a place we can sit down so I can help him dry off. It’s a really,,, really soft thing, actually, because um. Okay, basically, like, winged creatures like birds usually only let their mates help them preen & stuff. So,,, it’s like,, a trust and intimacy thing. Also, I mean, it’s a cute picture: this lanky winged dude just,, sitting down, totally drenched from the rain, and his doting partner just slowly evaporating the water from his wings with their energy powers (heated hands come in Handy). I mean, come on. 

Grow Old With Me

Uhh... well, I guess we haven’t been together very long, IRL or in-universe. I will say, though, it feels like we’ve been together forever from how comfortable and natural it is. 

Laugh of Love

Okay, well, Michael... isn’t always very good with jokes, because he’s so new to pop culture, but he can be very silly sometimes. Actually, he used to be embarrassed about it, but sometimes he might play up the fact that he doesn’t get it, just to see me try not to laugh. I try not to laugh when it happens because like, it’s not his fault, and I don’t want him to think I’m laughing at him, but he’s just so darn cute omg-- but at some point he figures out that I find it a little bit amusing and he just jumps on that because he wants to see my smile skjdkjk

Alternatively, he can also just like. Compliment me too much and I’ll just start laughing out of embarrassment while protesting because like idk how to take a compliment

Love Epiphany

Ah, well, I mean, I realize pretty quickly that I’m crushing on him, because like, he’s so cute and sweet, FUCK-- love, though? Love with a capital L? That takes a little longer. Basically, the timeline is like, I met him and started crushing, then as I got to know the team (including him) a little better, we became fast friends and I tend to appreciate my friends very deeply, so that was another step-- and then just... as we got to know each other I gradually started to note some thoughts and feelings that weren’t quite platonic, and I kinda swept them under the rug at first because I’m an affectionate person and also I’m not straight so my affection lines are sometimes a little blurred. When they got more and more common though, I just kind of... had to admit it. Like, man, I’m a fairly logical being; if the evidence is all pointing one way, I guess that’s the most likely explanation? Plus, the thought of it made me feel really warm inside, which just confirmed things. 

Michael’s realization?? I’m not sure tbh. @astralshipper is especially fond of teasing me with the “love at first sight” thing, but that doesn’t seem realistic to me skjfkdk

Marry for Love

AHAAAHA. HA. hghfhsdbbjs No, we aren’t ... skdnsfdkjskjfk dg we aren’t married-- uhhhhh hahah.  ha. I mean, we just started dating like a month or two ago, what kind of fool would be thinking of ,,,, being with,,, ,, , such a wonderful..  lovely, sweet, perfect guy for the rest of their life JNFDKJNKJS I MEAN.  .   GHJGHGKGJHGKFHFHHHHGHHGGHHH

... We, uh... we haven’t talked about it. ^^;

Post-Kiss Catatonia

answered here

Sickeningly Sweethearts

Uhh, I mean... we’re not huge on PDA, because we aren’t extroverted and we aren’t extremely confident. However, we do hold hands quite a bit, and then when one of us is hurt, or we’re finally seeing each other after a fight, then we kind of just forget we’re even in public and we’re fairly affectionate. If we’re just at the team headquarters, sometimes I’ll initiate more highkey stuff like kisses, and for the most part, the team is chill about it. Katie just kinda grins and giggles, Scout is like “god i wish that was me” skjndkjnknk Hope and Nikki just sorta fondly roll their eyes, and both Nikki and Jack probably tease us over it. Jay is the one who’s like BLUHGGHHH GROSS gnkjnkngk but he’s a dumbass so I just stick my tongue out at him and/or flip him off. 

You Must Be Cold

answered here

Zip Me Up

Uh, we don’t really help each other get dressed. We’re both a little too easily flustered for that, although sometimes I do offer to help with his shirts because his wings can make things difficult for him. We might help each other with neckties if we’re going to a dressier event, or maybe with buttons on occasion. If I’m in a jewellery mood, he might help me with a necklace or something. None of this is super common, though, and by the end of it we’re always sort of flushed even though we’re very respectful about it.

[justjessame]

A Little Ass and a Lotta Sass Chapter 23: Let Them Eat Cake...And Choke on It

If I’d assumed that Negan and me plus that damn bed of his would make us fucking husks, literally, then I’d not considered the challenge he’d take upon knowing that we’d be forced into celibacy for six weeks after Satan’s eagerly awaited grandchild showed their tiny being. And damn it if he didn’t take that fucking challenge seriously.

Every moment that wasn’t spent apart, was spent enjoying one another to the fullest extent of our abilities. And I have to say, I’d never tapped into half of my abilities. There wasn’t a surface, horizontal or vertical in our rooms that was safe. The bookshelves, how many books tumbled to the floor as he pounded into me, causing noises that I’d never thought I could make flow from me? Or that fucking table we ate at, would it ever look the same to me after being bent over it, Negan’s teeth marking my shoulder as we came together one of the only times he could stand to not have me facing him? The bed, of course, the walls, most definitely, the shower, the bathtub, the floor, every inch that we could be pressed into, we were.

And, as surprising as his ardor was at the news, my return of it nearly took his fucking breath away. That I was as insatiable for him, that I wanted him as badly, this we could show. But those three little words, the ones we kept tap dancing around, those were still elusive. Physical love, that was simple. Letting Negan know that he owned me, bodily, was as easy as breathing or kissing him. But that he owned my heart? Well, that wasn’t easy for me, and it was made more difficult by his inability to use the words himself.

 We made love, so many ways, places, and I could swear that even with multiple showers and baths, we carried the scent of one another around like the strongest colognes in the world. That as surely as him branding me, every person knew for certain that I belonged to him, and he to me.

 It came in as a horrible shock, that our bubble of feelings and adoration, didn’t keep us safe. It happened as the third month of my residence in the Sanctuary passed. Negan was getting the tray holding our dinner from the delivery guy, as I handed back the dishes from lunch, when I noticed the puzzled look on his face. I joined him as he sat it down on the table and let my own focus follow his. The tray looked practically normal. I say practically, because whomever had made it, nearly got it right. The plates held nearly the same thing, but not quite.

Negan, since that first meal, had ALWAYS had the exact same meal as I did. I still hadn’t asked if the rest of the community did as well, still too cowardly to hear if it was so. Yet this meal had subtle differences. An added garnish to his plate, which we knew was meant for him because of the tiny tag attached, some extra grape tomatoes to the small salad. And I knew that he felt the same chill as I felt. This was wrong. So horribly wrong.

I saw him swallow hard and his fist clench. “Do you think it’s yours that’s poisoned, or mine?” He growled, meeting my eyes.

“Both,” I whispered, feeling completely certain. “Whoever made the plates, they’d know that if I wanted something different from your plate, you’d give it to me, or if you saw that yours had more, then you’d switch.” I closed my eyes and fought down the urge to throw up. “So they had to make sure, and that means, they’re both poisoned.”

He took a deep breath, and sat down on the chair I usually took. Pulling me onto his lap, he kissed my forehead. “They’re fucking dead. Whoever they are.” My heart was pounding so hard that I knew he could feel it, if not hear it. “Why would someone do this?”

“Frankie,” I answered, knowing immediately. “She’s being forced to work in the kitchens, so she’d have access.” As for the poison, I couldn’t know, because there was no way to know what she’d used.

He nodded, his hand rubbing my back, my bump was starting to show and his other came up to cup it. “Tanya works for the good doctor,” he added, thinking along the same lines as me. “She looks about as fucking happy as-” he tried to swallow back another growl. “Come on,” he put me on my feet in front of him. “Let’s go give the Sanctuary a show.”

Before we left, I made him take away all signs that the meals weren’t identical. Using a napkin, since we weren’t sure what they’d doused our food with, he tossed the garnish and the extra ‘treats’ in the trash, and took up the tray. And I picked up Lucille, and we made our way to the kitchen after he’d asked Arat to gather everyone in the cafeteria, especially Frankie and Tanya.

Downstairs, the group of Negan’s people were waiting. I saw the redhead and the doctor’s assistant waiting as well, in front of the crowd, but looking unconcerned. It was a good front, but I could see the fear in their eyes, they knew what was coming. Or they thought they did.

“Ladies and gentlemen,” Negan’s voice rumbled as they all hit their knees. “Get up, and listen very fucking closely.” He sat the tray down on the table in the center of the masses, and took Lucille carefully from me. Propping her over his shoulder, which for once wasn’t encased in leather, since we’d been dressed for dinner alone, he glanced around the room. “Why do rules exist? Because without rules, the world is fucking chaos.” He kept his eyes moving, but every now and then he’d touch me. My arm, my hand, just letting me know that he was with me. “And punishment? That’s the consequence for breaking the fucking rules.” He sighed, and Lucille came off his shoulder and he handed her back to me. “Now some rules are so fucking obvious they shouldn’t fucking have to be explained, but I guess I fucking thought too highly of you all.” I watched as he motioned to Arat and Laura, who’d apparently been brought up to speed by Arat about Negan’s request for his former wives’ presence. Arat grabbed Frankie’s arm, and Laura took Tanya’s and ushered them forward. “I gave these two women the fucking world. I gave them the fucking keys to the fucking kingdom. And when I found the ONE fucking woman who could give me EVERY single fucking thing I could ever want, I gave them a new purpose.” He was glaring at them, as I held Lucille casually. I could see their eyes flicker from him to me and then to the bat. "Callie could have asked for you both to be fucking exiled. She could have insisted that I toss you out and let you TRY to fucking survive out there. She was benevolent, she was kind." I was thinking that I hadn't asked because I hadn't considered it, but OK, make me sound merciful. "And the two of you let your fucking envy overrule your fucking brains."

“Unwritten rules aren’t supposed to NEED to be written, but fuck if I’m not being forced to fucking ANNOUNCE one.” He took my hand and held it up, kissing my knuckles. “This woman, Callie Grimes, is your fucking Queen. She’s carrying my fucking child inside of her, right now, and that means that she’s doubly fucking protected. You touch her, you die. You look at her anyway that I deem fucked up, you die. And-” he refocused on the two women standing before him with Arat and Laura glaring at the back of their heads. “If you TRY to fucking poison her, you will fucking die.”

“Arat, Laura, help the ladies take a seat, it’s dinner time.” And I watched as the two women who apparently plotted to fucking kill me, my baby, and Negan sit like the fucking chairs were on fire. “Take up those forks, and eat. Every single fucking bite.” A hush was all around us, but Frankie looked up at him with defiance in her eyes. “EAT!” He demanded, and she closed her mouth on whatever rebuttal she had planned. The two of them picked up their forks, and ate. It didn’t take long. The plates weren’t even halfway gone when their mouths began to foam, and not long after that they were choking, and then, as we all watched, first Tanya, then Frankie died.

Negan pulled me to him and kissed my forehead. “Arat, Laura, add these two the our outer wall security, at least now they’re fucking useful.” He pulled away and looked around him at the still gathered population of the Sanctuary. “They didn’t fucking care if they killed me, do you see that? The proof? Let this lesson stand. Who are you?”

The echoes of voices saying “Negan” rushed over me. And I felt the ease of breathing again. Without fear, at least for now.

The crowd dispersed, and Negan tugged me toward the kitchen. Food, we still needed to fucking eat. As he gathered together something that would constitute dinner, I hopped up onto a counter. Lucille lay next to me, and I watched him move as casually around this industrial sized kitchen as he had the one back in Alexandria. We ate at the counter, he situated himself between my legs and fed me bites as he ate too.

“I think I want to expand our apartment,” he said, plopping a strawberry into my mouth. “We’re gonna need more room when they arrive, and I think I want us to have a kitchen up there.” I nodded as I chewed. “I’ll get some people on it, tomorrow.”

We ate through our fresh and raw dinner, the tension of nearly being assassinated rolling off of us as we enjoyed one another’s company. “Do you even have the appliances to make a kitchen up there?” I asked, as he helped me down from my perch.

He took Lucille into one hand and my hand in his other as we walked out of the room. Arat and Laura were the only two waiting in the main room. They followed us as we made our way back to our rooms and Negan was telling me just how easily he could furnish a kitchen, a nursery, and any other fucking rooms I wanted to add to our floor.

As we walked back into our rooms, Arat and Laura took position on either side of our door. Great, I thought, door guarding was making a fucking comeback. And fuck, he’d probably become more unbearably protective now. But, that tiny overthinking part of my brain chimed in, after that fucking scare would that be suck a bad fucking thing?

 I was right and wrong about Negan’s reaction after the attempt on our lives. He did decide that door guards were a temporary necessity, but he also made sure that I knew that I still wasn’t a prisoner in our rooms. And, as he woke me the next morning to remind me of our celibacy preparations, I realized that it was a small price to pay. For safety. For peace of mind.

[kalesandfails]

i like my body/ and it is not your body

My weekend was great, thanks! I ran ten miles each morning, and running is the closest I get to approximating what it feels like to have properly firing neurons. I listened to two loves of my life, Jon Lovett and Stacy Abrams (about whom I will write more another time, but don’t wait for that;  go give her project to resist voter suppression your money here). I read books to the literal piles of humans I have made, dizzy with the sheer acreage of their cheeks. I had a conversation with my autistic preschooler about Ariel — the first proper conversation my daughter has ever initiated with me.

So, I’m doing okay right now, thanks for not asking while I proceed to say some stuff.

I’m saying this not because my voice is the one that needs to be uplifted in a conversation about  either fat-shaming or ectopic pregnancies, but because I went to bed thinking about the distressing common thread between the current weird preoccupation of other seemingly uninvolved parties with the two phenomena. And because, while I think James Cordon, God among men, gets this, and I know that other survivors of miscarriages, ectopic pregnancies, and the million other situations in which abortion has been a Godsend — as in, the best option or only tenable option for a specific human being at a specific point in time —I’m just thinking that maybe the people who need to hear it, literally cannot hear it enough, or from enough people, until they have plunked their toned, tailored-suit-wearing man asses into some comfortable seats, ones from which it is somewhat labor-intensive to emerge, and sat a round or two out.

The first is this: you, fat-shamer, and you, pro-lifer who, surprisingly, is willing to “let God decide” if a college student with a fertilized egg threatening to rupture her fallopian tube and kill her should live or not — since the role your God presumably had in supplying the skill and technology to save her life wasn’t a clear enough sign of His will, and despite the fact that God apparently can’t be trusted to supply Her children with appropriate sexual and gender identities — you get a single body and that is your body. And that body, and control of that body, are just going to need to be enough.

Look: there’s no reason to believe that someone who is insulting people over their weight has any strategic goal related to either health or weight loss. To claim otherwise, to walk back your antagonistic bullshit with a sanctimonious “but I’m concerned for [their] health!” : this a is mindbogglingly bad-faith argument. Because the human being you are shaming, or, honestly, any person acquainted with how people feel when you’re shitty to them, will point out that humiliating people and promoting discrimination against them doesn’t effectively motivate them to change their behavior, let alone the physical body they inhabit, and you will say — what, that it should?

At that point, it will become clear that what you, the fat-shamer, want, is for these people to change their bodies in response to your comments about whether or not they can see their penises or get laid or give you an erection; that, basically, what you are doing is doubling down on a system in which if you are a woman, you should feel embarrassed and subhuman if your body is an inadequately hot commodity for the consumption of this unnamed but all-important (male) consumer. (You, right? It’s you to whom we’re trying to make our bodies presentable?)

And if you, the fat-shamed, are a man, your worth is still determined by men, this time the ones who supposedly know how successful you are at getting women to have sex with you based on their opinions of your body, and who have decided that this is the metric by which your worth is established. (Side note: straight guys who know so much about what women want, I’m guessing you don’t want to rethink your premise that your estimation of other guys’ bodies is the one that matters when determining what women find attractive, but it would behoove you to do so. If there were one thing women don’t like (there’s not!), it would be straight guys mansplaining our sexuality to us).

Basically, what fat shaming is about in your sixties (because that is how old Bill Mayer is, friends!) is what fat shaming is about in sixth grade. It’s just one more way that a certain group of people, a group  with relatively more power than others and a deep fear of losing it, maintain that power by saying: I am going to tell you what matters, and I am going to tell you whether or not you have that thing that matters, and I am going to make it so painful for you to not have it that you will remake your body to get me off your back, because it is weirdly important to me to exert this control over you.

My furtive eighth grade crush got fat shamed in middle school, and he was pretty fat. But, you know, so did I, and I’ve never had a medical doctor express concern for my weight. Discouragingly, it barely registered with them when I was losing my hair and hadn’t had a period in a year. But other helpful randos, from grandmas to girls in my gymnastics class, started calling me fat at age four, and the only way I was able to stop them was to self-regulate so effectively that by the time I went to college, I was throwing up when I “lost control” and chewed too many pieces of Juicy Fruit.

That’s the goal of fat-shaming, fat-shamers: someone who has accepted your right to tell them who they are and what their worth so unreservedly that she can graduate Phi Beta Kappa on the one hand, but still believe that she is “too fat to sit down” on her graduation night. And — as one person with a running leitmotif I like to call “pathological need for control” running through my adolescence and early adulthood to another —- can I suggest you slow your roll and take a look in your own goddamn mirror?

I can’t speak to why a person might experience exerting control over the bodies of other people as catharsis, why what they need to self regulate is to make someone else feel worthless. I can only imagine that this bullshit behavior comes from the same sense of existential dread that makes two missed days at the gym feel like that a night in one of those sky cells on Game of Thrones to me. But I can be compassionate towards you and also take a hard pass when it comes to “tolerating” your “opinions” about the value of people around you, or your right to patrol the size of their bodies or to determine that they need to be harassed into having a body you like better. Your feeling about thigh gaps or whatever is your deal, but the fact that you think other people should be treated badly or should endanger their health in an effort to make their bodies acceptable to you is also, 100%, your deal, and not the problem or the responsibility of the people in those bodies. Take your body and do whatever you want with it, but shut the mouth part of it first.  

Similarly: I’m not going to explain to anyone why a fertilized egg in one’s fallopian tube is 1. not a viable pregnancy and 2. not something to “watchfully wait" over. “Watchful waiting” is appropriate when the risks of intervention are significant, or the benefits unclear, or both. In the very few cases in which this might be what a doctor would advise, that decision is made though a cost-benefit analysis with the mother, because the mother is the patient being treated. There is no “child’s life” to consider because, as with any pregnancy, but maybe especially an entirely nonviable one, there is no child yet.

If you are anything but shocked by the idea that someone should be expected to “wait and see” if their medically treatable and potentially fatal medical condition will kill them or not because of how another person, living in another body, feels about the situation, then you don’t give a shit about life. Not the life of that woman, which you are endangering. Not the lives of any existing children she has or partner she has or parents or students or siblings or friends. What you are saying, again, is that you decide what this woman’s life is worth — and your expectation is that she accept that when it comes down to it, your random feelings about her body both define the value of that body and should be factored into the clinical decision making of her medical provider.

As with our fat-shamers above, I’m just wondering where it came from, this idea that you’re entitled to control the bodies of other human beings, and the weirdly aggressive efforts to do so.

Are you ok, Representative? It seems to me you are not.

It doesn’t even matter that an ectopic pregnancy is not viable. Because pro-life arguments are about “preserving life” the way fat-shaming is about “promoting health”: that is to say, they’re not about that at all. It’s about being unwilling to either take responsibility for working out whatever damage you have, or to acknowledge that the way you are choosing to work that damage out is by violently exerting control over the bodies and lives of others.

Forcing a woman to carry a pregnancy she doesn’t want is violent whether that pregnancy is only somewhat likely, as it is in the case of a viable pregnancy carried in a country with the highest material mortality rate in the developed world, or pretty effing likely, as in the case where the pregnancy is lodged in a tube that will not accomodate it. When you legally compel another human being to risk her life carrying a pregnancy in her body because of how you feel, that is violent.

I want to have compassion for you, person who sees no better option than hurting other people to deal with whatever it is life has handed you. I’m something of a poster child for irrational or detractive ways of dealing with the parts of the world I don’t like: see above, where a teenage permutation of me was vomiting gum bile. But I also feel like we don’t serve anyone by looking the other way while they evade the responsibly we all have to handle our own shit.

Certainly you get that, right? If a person’s body size, the pregnancy they carry, their health status, are all issues of personal responsibility, surely you, too, can own up to the fact that you have this thing where, instead of overdoing it at the buffet  — or, I don’t know, getting pregnant in the wrong part of your body?  — you insist that other people’s bodies should be altered to your specifications, and that you should decide if those bodies are fed, or wear shorts, or receive medical care. You can acknowledge that this is a weirder and less palatable approach to managing your dark feelings than is eating too many carbs or whatever it is you think we’re all doing with our insufficiently controlled, overweight, inconveniently fertile bodies. You can set aside that weight-loss tea you’re sipping and consider that maybe, the one who’s “ready for a change” is you.

[raguna-blade]

Revolutionary Girl Utena Live(ish) Reaction Episodes 8-11

So it's a new year, and I'm gonna continue this, cause its' fun. Had a brief break cause of the holidays. And doing so, I figure i'm gonna do a thing where I make up a nice cleaned up version of these cause if nothing else I like organizing my thoughts. So Control F or whatever your find function is for the cleaned up version if that's your thing. It'll be under Overall Thoughts per ep. Or you know, you're me and you're going back through this for validation for whatever nonsense you say later.

Episode 8

Curry huh? And another recap? uh....

enmy remains trifling

hey wait egg time already?

Danger? Really?

Body swap? Also egg time is goofs

throwin hands????? anthy?

Yeah nanami it is ridiculous

JERSUS TOGA

nanami you idiot

She just fucked off to india to get some weird back alley spice

Shadow girls can you please, just please for a single episode.

ANTHY YOU LYING. Never been good at sports and you did that leap apparently pretty well? What the fuck.

Also, the switching thing here is mad suspect considering the end theme thing (and I suppose the opening.

Utena as Anthy : I don't want to be a sacrifice of the rose seal.

Anthy As Utena: I'm super down staying like this actually.

Like..This is just details that

Uh..Uh saionji what. The implications are strong here. Also, Douche canoe he is, but he's a romantic apparently? UUUUH. Exchange diary.

Is the “A” plot a distraction? Like for real.

Also she took that elephant to the dome.

I'm not sure how to take this personality switch. Like the minds thing whatever, but if it's just the personalties but not the person so to speak,  hold on

WHAT THE FUCK. These elephants for fucking real?

Anyway, if they're just personalities altering the “person” it's uh...Interesting. I'm not sure how to take that til I get more info. It seems like a thing.

Also, Saionji apparently legit has feels for Anthy he's just...mad dumb about expressing it? Like he's pulling a lot of Badboy Romance Tropes here but...not...in a badboy romance. Which kills his behavior entirely.

Killed his Soul AGAIN. Damn.

Who's the divine justice for? Like it doesn't seem for nanami. Who fucked up. Presumably between anthy and utena.

Anthy what the actual fuck are you doing. Are you using gunpowder?

Homie, this isn't twilight, go home saionji.

Anthy as Utena(????) you trolling. So hard.

Saionji get's zero respect but dudes dedicated I'll give him that. Fitting for bad boy romance lead.

Uh...Wait, actually, are they all romance leads? Common ones in one way or the other. They are on the student Council so...Hm. I don't read enough romance stories of the variety I think but it seems to fit? I'm not sure what juri would be in that case.

Anyway, if this Episode Turns out to be a key for understanding things I'm gonna be pissed. Just a little.

Overall Thoughts: So this and the other “filler” episode is, especially after finishing my last ep in the session, read as anything but despite the obvious uh...antics on display. Like...

Ok, so the whole thing with the ending which frames Anthy and Utena as kinda the same (or rather exactly the same, except one's in red and the other pink) makes this whole episode feel like it's basically some kind of key for understanding everything else because it's simple times. It's goofy hilarity with Nanami that's the A Plot right hahahah....

Except the personality swap between the two of them is like...The implication here is that they swapped minds fully, and given the level of fairy tale bullshit that is at play constantly in this series so far it may well just be magic brand magic and we're supposed to roll with it. Ok. Fair.

Except...The thought that sits in my head is again, Anthy and Utena seem to equal each other. Hell I point it out slightly later that there's definitely this yin yang thing going on in the opening with the two which is so blatant as to be meaningless because Hah Yeah these are our two leads obvs and they're important to each other so hahah don't worry about or think about it check out these SWEET SWORDSMANSHIP MOMENTS FROM EVERYONE LOOK AT THE BUDGET AND COOL HORSES AND CASTLES HAHAHA.

But ok, if it's a Yin Yang thing, yes they're not the same but they have elements of each other within eachother. So if it's just a personality swap but not an actual soul swap thing, that is, Anthy is just acting like Utena's personality is in her, and Utena is just acting like Anthy's personality is in her it paints this picture of Utena and Anthy as having a lot going on under the surface. I mean obviously Anthy is fucking pissed at Saionji. That was really really evident in episode one because if she's just being submissive rosebride I do what i'm told and I do what i'm told I do what i'm told, the very very very sharp dig of “We're Just classmates” is fucking brutal unnecessity. And given that she DOES know what he feels for her, and he's still acting like that, her being vindictive(or just brusque really, he's being an ass full bore) is like...absolutely reasonable.

Her Slapping back and about to throw hands with her tormentors? Who wouldn't want to right?

But then, ok that's Anthy, but what about Utena. If it's just a mind swap, Utena...want's a very defined existence? Like, she wants to just stick to a role? Feels weird, and doesn't quite immediately jive with her cause that seems against her operations right? Except, as this episode so kindly reminds us (for at least the third time in 8 episodes which seems excessive. I might be forgetting one or two) Utena's whole thing coming to this school is I want to play the Role of the Prince, whatever that actually means. Playing the Rose Bride would be no real difference, except it's way more submissive.

So that aside, Saionji saying he's in love with Anthy (and that seems to be something he at least believes to be true. He honestly seems more into Toga. Like for real for real, all the imagery of those flashbacks reads not just as close buddies, but as I am romantically down with you Toga my guy. Him being Bi is probably the easiest answer, and he just drifted away from Toga for a while. Saionji clearly sees him as a friend and rival, although it's seemingly not reciprocated at the moment.

But the thing, the thing that's kinda weird to me, is that if he does legit have feelings for her, I was struck with this odd vibe that he's playing at being a romance lead. Specifically, a Bad Boy romance lead. And doing so SPECTACULARLY badly. Homeboy is sitting here busting out poetry (unless my brain is being a dumb and i'm somehow overlaying him with Tatewaki Kuno from Ranma which ok, weird but alright) but...

Ok, if he is playing at being a Badboy Romance lead, that actually explains his behavior for how he was treating Anthy, especially if he's legit in his feelings for her? Possessive, Radiates Danger, Engages in Creepy Behavior, is a bit of a dick, etc. It lines up with Being a Bad Boy, except that the way that those usually work out in fiction, as I understand it, they're not usually like...gonna hit you. That breaks the fantasy. But...That's him fucking up the archetype. It doesn't fit for him. He doesn't understand what he's doing in that archetype.

Like yes, abusers and the like can care and still be absuers cause fucked up behavior and motivations don't need to match in the least, but it still feels odd that a man who probably literally could have done any number of fucked up things has...an exchange diary with the girl he says he cares about? And it's not like he's unaware of how submissive/passive she is, his exchange diary actually kinda reads like Utena's Anthy is A Real Girl! Activities*. He wants her to be active part of whatever their relationship is and...Eh.

But ok, if he's that, It suggests the rest of the student council, and duelists in general, would fit into a given archetype right? Toga is clearly the super cool intelligent superman student council president, Juri is basically charisma max Jock, Miki is the cute nerd, Nanami is the Ojou villainess type, Utena is...Basically the Hero type, just morals, strains to upset the status quo, Has the Cool Original Uniform.

And they all kinda fit into those pretty thoroughly, kinda like they're trying to (to varying levels of awareness)

Anyway, I'll hit on some of the other stuff in the next Ep. It's a bit more relevant there I think.

*See Me In Episode 11

Episode 9

I just realized they're doing some kinda yinyang thing in the opening so

R V G FIGHT.

Pretty tense there. Toga went straight for the heart which i'm sure means nothing.

Old Friends? Phrasing seems uh...odd? Unsure if it's dub things or actual subtext. Or both.

Dude you really got beef with a monkey? No, utena.

Being a huge dick. As is tradition.

10 Years.

Saionji: Actually love her (said) but

This is mad gay. Like the lighting, the silhouette. Saionji you're sublimating something here.

Music, Silhouettes.

...Silhouettes show truth? uh.

They were Utena's folks funeral? Huh. Also, why on earth would Utena be kidnapped? Who she be?

….Three coffins. Uh. Uhhhhhh. Utena, Toga, Saionji? UuuuHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH?

Dead utena. Uh.

Toga: Ally to all women. Ok.

...Why is there a third coffin?

Something Eternal huh? And Utena wants to die for reasons understandable.

Find another coffin. Rose Sigils on the coffins. Uh. Uhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Saionji: Hey, this is nuts, we should stop her.

Toga: Nah, I'm gonna Ennable the shit out of this.

Tiny Utena with the White Rose?

Saionji: Did he do something to her?

Toga: Nope

Uh....

Anthy: Something Eternal in the castle. I want to go there.

Also impressive grip strength considering. Flat.

Does Toga Remember this or...? I can't be sure. Saionji certainly didn't recognize her, but he wasn't like right on top of the trauma child.

Toga white roses? Uh? Uhhhhh. I think he definitely remembers. But questions abound.

Ufo's shadow girls? Shadow girls having flesh is deeply concerning.

TRUE FRIENDS ARE JUST FANTASIES. OK.

And UFO's broke, so that's probably not great. Who's getting the Revelations today.

That is the fakest voice toga what the fuck

Badboy Saionji: We're Gonna get the eternity.

Also, I just realized they (saionji and anthy) have color inversions going on which is making me kinda wonder if they're related in some way?

Just slap the shit out of him that's fair.

Ok, so Saionji didn't(?) do the dumb thing. Ok,

that is...a coffin. That he's 100% obssessed with. With Anthy (Utena) inside.

He's looking like he kissed his own mom right now, goin full oedipus in the holy shit revelations here.

Castle is crumbling, falling down. So...Eternity is Fake. Ok. Sure. Didn't shadow girls say that?

Castle Immediately tried to kill him. Crushed his soul 1 time too many there I suppose.

Utena, meanwhile, dove super deep into saving anthy which...diving deeper into the fantasy?

Yeah, they all just saw things.

Saionji: WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED WHATS GOING ON?

Bro, me too.

Ok, if the two are reflections, does Anthy and saionji both got some deep illusory bullshit going on? Are they both freaking out?

Toga, saving the day, and Saionji, tried to kill Utena with a sword. so. Ok.

Saionji Expelled?  Toga, fool for thinking they're friends?

WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED HERE?

Overall Thoughts: I touched on a bunch of the Saionji stuff I wanna talk about in the last episode review, but the thing I kinda want to look at here is well...

Ok, Now the colors probably don't mean anything, but there was this moment that Saionji and Anthy were in the same shot and I suddenly realized they're color flips of each other. Purple hair green eyes, Green Hair Purple eyes, which ok that's interesting.

So we already have Utena Reflecting on Anthy, and hey, there's Zero Reason, absolutely negative number reasons why that wouldn't necessarily be the case with any and all of the rest of the duelists to some degree or another.

And hell, the fact that we keep flipping back and forth between Utena and Anthy in Coffins, there being (for some weird ass reason) a third entirely unrelated coffin for Utena's folks funeral, why the fuck not right?

So ok, Anthy and Saionji mirror each other which...Ok. If the Personality Swap from Episode 8 thing holds, The two actually share some pretty dickish actions. They can be cruel and petty and just antagonistic to things that don't quite jive with what they want. Saionji with Anthy not being...whatever he's expecting out of her, or Utena butting in. Anthy with the girls who keep fucking with her and Saionji.

They both seem to be utterly STUCK on the Rose Bride thing, although from different angles of Possessing the Rosebride and being the Rosebride, and the kind of weird shaping of the Rosebride thing that's going on.

Saionji is treated as a joke by the student council, especially after he get's kicked out, which ultimately ends with him being someone who is generally wanted but ends up ultimately exiled from society. Which mirrors with Anthy as someone is is wanted, but doesn't seem to have ANY kind of actual tangible bonds with anyone.

And, for this last one I have ZERO evidence on the Anthy end, but the suggestions are uh..interesting. Saionji in this episode, as suggested by the shadow girls at least in part, is deeply deeply invested in a fantasy of some kind, one that ultimately leaves him crushed and rather empty, further exiled from people who could or do care for him and that he cares about. Which if we're going with the property sliding across and He's a Foil for Utena (which I think is definitely true in some ways) suggests bad things for her down the line.

Episode 10

Saionji's a joke huh? He's taking it well.

Toga WOW. WOW YOU FUCKING DOUCHE. STRAIGHT IN THE FIRE HUH.

EGG TIME.

So, thing about eggs, that includes whats inside it right? so...Revolutionize yourself right? Right? That's obvious right?

Oh new duelist. Cool cool.

Utena getting slapped. By Nanami. With Utena being hella submissive. (EPISODE 8 FLASHBACKS INTENSIFY)

maybe a girl can't be a prince. THERES THAT THESIS. E8 FLASHBACKS

Nanami got her brother a kitty.

Oh damn it is Nanami. Duel Time. I mean we sall it in the opening but you know.

Jesus Toga, please stop being

OH GOD NANAMI NO. NOOOOOO NOPE NO.

Toga: We ain't kids no more. Shit don't fly.

Nanami: Emotionally devastated.

Is that Miki's sister?

Hey, what happened to the cat?

Juri: Hey, Serious Business, what the fucks up with the duelist?

Toga is perpatrating as badly as nanami actually. He's just less immediately obvious about it I guess.

Goddamnit there's Anthy's next slap. Jesus. Legit, who hasn't at this point. Is this a theme? IS THIS A THING?

Jesus, he's just playing all of this to piss her off? What the fucks up.

...Did nanami kill the cat. Uh...Uhhhhhh.

Ring is an engagement ring. Wait, that's a flat out school rule that everyone knows? For real? Uh.

...What the fuck happened with the kitty. Uh...

ITS TIME. ABSOLUTE DESTINYYYYYYYYYYYY

I just realized the kinda weird framing with Anthy dressing up utena kinda looks like her opening her legs up with the way it get's framed and I'm not sure if that's me just kinda over reading things or if that's a thing.

Nanami's duel outfit is SICK. Also, a yellow alt color of utena.

Actually. ACTUALLY? Is...Is Nanami like an Utena Alt color? That can't be right. Actually looking at  them right next to each other they're...straight up alt colors of each other. Not to mention Nanami's my prince thing mirrors Utena.

She just HOT pulled a knife. Oh she's About to fucking hot MERC utena, going for death jessus.

They're supposed to be around the same age too for that matter right?

She absolutely killed that cat and it's...

With her hair down she does look like an utena alt color even more.

Why's the duel music still going after the duel finished. Jesus. This wasn't a duel with Nanami, it was a duel with Toga, and I think Utena Hot lost it out and out.

Overall Thoughts: Well the Big thing I'm paying attention here are two. First the simpler one.

The Egg has to break the shell of the world to be born right? I'm paraphrasing badly, but the thing is the way they keep phrasing that is that the World is the Egg, but the egg isn't just the shell right? It includes what's inside of it. Which if that's the case, mixed with the way that duels work out being more a clash of ideals than of actual tangible skill, the revolutionize the world bit seems to be referring to them themselves, that is the duelists.

Alternatively, the Bird Referenced, the thing being revolutionized is Anthy. Which...Is an interesting line of thought. Given the Duels as a whole are basically choosing who her fiance will be, that'd imply that ultimately this decides the way that Anthy would come to develop? Or how she chooses to develop? Which ok if so, and the way that Ideals seem to be at play, Suggests...What? Dunno. Need more info, which will be delivered later.

But the other thing here, continuing the mirroring thing, which might be me reading too deeply, but I think not and even if it is Whatever I'm having fun.

THE ENTIRE NANAMI DUEL felt like a Mirror Match.Heck, Nanami dressed like an alt color of Utena, and especially once her hair got undone she looked even more like an alt color of Utena. They're only about a year different in age, and her brother seems to be her Prince type, and he drops the ring on her like an engagement ring, and she basically says I fight like my brother because he's my ideal.

Which is a weird thing since right now it's not going...too far. I'll have to see how it shakes out, but if the mirroring thing continues, the fact that the moment she lost she basically said nope fuck that, Knife Time, was...Concerning. It says real concerning things with Utena.

But it also says other interesting things then, because if Nanami is supposed to be some kind of Alt color Utena, similar in ambition goals and the like, if more outwardly girly to Utena's princey thing, their relationship with Anthy is uh..

Uh...

Well put simply, Utena is fucking up big and dramatic with Anthy, and she doesn't realize it at all or care because she can't see it for what it is. Nanami actively tries to undermine Anthy, and does some fucked up things to her. Which..Makes me wonder about the Divine Judgement thing from Episode 8 which, damnably, seems to be forming some kind of key here.

Like the way it's frame suggests the divine Judgement being visited upon Nanami is what's being talked about. But ok, Nanami had some bad shit happen to her sure, but...All of that was self inflicted upon her trying to fix what she percieves as a problem. Yes her reasons for doing it are so she can be with her brother, no doubt, but...They're ridiculous. Like, I cannot believe this shit is happening. But

But

If the Target of Divine Judgement/punishment is the Anthy Utena duo, one or both of them are on the receiving end of it. It's not clear how Acting like Utena would be a punishment for Anthy (I'm sticking with it just being a personality swap and not a full mind swap) but Utena who prides herself on being princely and aspires to that being the super submissive rosebride? I could see that being a kind of hell for her. And if the logic of Utena is Undermining Anthy holds out, but the criitcal difference being her ignorance and dishonesty of why compared to Nanami unabashedly saying yes I am fucking doing this fuck you I get what I want no hold barred, it...

Like, Nanami, as far as it goes, doesn't really receive a punishment if we're being honest. Yes she takes a couple of elephants to the dome, and has to be away from her brother and see her thing fail but..The way it's treated by herself and everyone else is basically a LOL THESE THINGS HAPPEN I GUESS HAHAHA. The Utena/Anthy swap meanwhile seems considerably more serious for them (especially considering the Everyone Slaps Anthy thing that seems to legit be a thing. Somehow. Except here Applied to “Utena”), and seems to cause some serious distress.

We'll see I guess.

Episode 11

As I watch this opening more and more, why is anthy like constantly framed like...Ominous as shit? Is it me?

Homegirl is just. Damn. Sure glad NOTHING BAD WILL HAPPEN (I do not trust this series to not have something bad happen to Wakaba. Again.)

Anthy. Are..are you...passive aggressively doing...something

Toga: I can see through the illusions yeah boi.

I do not trust this for an inch. He is abusing the shit out of his framing, like the whole time, and I don't trust.

Toga is “student council prince” archetype. Miki's nerdy student counciler.

EGG TIME

Juri is...Antagonistic But well meaning?

Saionji...I'm not sure he was actually on the stuco. But if so, bad boy.

What....is with the balloons. The color coded balloons.

Miki: Like a Pet Cat.

The Pet Cat that died, got killed.

WHAT IS WITH THESE BALLOONS.

ALSO I SEENT YOU PURPLE BALLOON.

So if the duels are ideal clashes more than actually a matter of direct skill, is this Toga (touga?) trying to fuck with Utena before the fight?

Anthy is a Bird. Ok. And Toga, arguably, being the biggest dick here. We thought it was Saionji, but the trick was he's the red part of the rose.

Anthy shut down REAL quick when being the rose bride was brought up.

Is Utena projecting mad hard onto Anthy here?

Homeboy needs to stop playing these games.

Utena, Stahp.  DO NOT TRUST HIM.

Toga, You...DOUCHE. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH

Toga: Oh My B, Shouldn't act that way in front of the rose bride. ALSO DUELING LETS GOOOOO.

Utena: one link forces me to fight him. Meanwhile, rose symbols everywhere, a lot of them brought in by anthy.

Hmmmmmmm.

Utena is hard not understanding something here. I don't know what (rose bride related for sure) but I don't get...WHAT is off here.

Cause thinking about it, Utena's objective with Anthy is arguably the most noble, but she's still not quite treating anthy as a person.

….William Tell Interlude is SUITABLY CONCERNING considering the above thoughts so uh.

Also that was a weirdly specific number. 30K arrows or something?

I just realized that the DARKNESS OF DARKNESS OF LIGHT OF DESTINY OF (INSERT) things seems to show up right around anthy a lot. I'm not super sure if that's a whole thing or just a this episode thing, but...

Is Utena about to get HOT DUNKED? Because I think she is.

Also, I just realized, Utena slid into that pull sword out of rose bride thing right quick and she's never once questioned that.

So yes, Utena has BOOTY but cheeks swordsmanship, which yeah, obvs. Two of the people she beat were actually skilled before this fight, and yet she won somehow.

I don't know how to deal with these lyrics. But Toga is absolutely  fucking with her head here.

And She Lost. Decisively. YUP. WELP THIS IS GONNA BE A THING NEXT TIME.

Toga: Hey you don't have to deal with this bullshit anymore.

Utena is doing the EXACT same shit Miki and Saionji were pulling, and Anthy's blank soulless stare is freaking me the hell out. Again.

So, ideals here. But the idea that whoever has a...better grasp of the truth is the victor. Which makes sense that Toga wins here.

Jesus, Soul crush 2.0, except it's on Utena this time. Goddamn.

WELL NEXT EPISODE PROMISES TO BE FUN.

Utena: ITS NOT TRUE. ITS NOT TRUE!

The Anime Revolutionary Girl Utena IMMEDIATELY: MISSING TRUTH ETCETC HOLD ME IN YOUR TRUE ARMS I WANT TO KEEP SMASHING LIES APART

SURE THAT MEANS NOTHING GUYS GGNORE.

Also, no joke, these seem like a Direct response to this episode and I'm not sure how to feel about that.

I want to be hated by lies? Uhhhhh.

Overall Thoughts: So Hey, Here we are in Episode 11 and I want to talk about how Utena and Saionji basically are each other right here.

Like overtly even I think, even if the actions aren't precise clean mirrors to each other which I guess is just how i'm going to be going through this series right now RiP.

But ok, here's the thing. What has been increasingly clear as time goes by is that Utena is fundamentally misunderstanding something about Anthy. I'm not sure fully what it is, but it's clearly Rosebride related, and the thing with the clashing ideals suggests that the.

Actually let me explain that clear like. Right now my read on the Duels is that they are NOT in any way shape or form a demonstration of skill. I Think that's clear through this point, but I'm making it explicit for my own sake. The Victor of the Duel isn't the better fighter. If that were the case, It'd suggest the only ones in the running at all would be Toga or Saionji (Juri should also be in here, but I'm not actually clear how skilled she is compared to those two, and the way they're treated suggests that Toga and Saionji are comparable in pure skill/ability.)

But Utena somehow beat Saionji like three times, Juri and Miki. Miki's whatever, but Juri clearly knows what she's doing, and Saionji seems to be Kendo Team captain so you know. Up there. Meanwhile, Utena explicitly is an amateur.

I'm not saying, in full, that actual skill with the blade is a null thing, but your ideals seems to be the biggest factor over everything else. Presumably, people rocking equally “powerful” ideals would fall to skill with the sword.

Anyway. The Truths that Seem to be critical are Anthy Wants to Be Free of the Rosebride. Ok, so Utena has the right read then right? But then she lost to Toga who seems to be rocking Anthy Wants to Be, or else Considers herself fundamentally to be, the Rosebride, which is something that Utena seems to be denying about Anthy, but is none the less true.

But then, How are Utena and Saionji the same? Well, remember an episode back where I was talking about the divine punishment thing and all that jazz from episode 8?

It hits both of them for mistreating the Rosebride. There is a fantasy going on between Utena and Saionji, and while Saionji's is a bit complicated and unclear I think, Utena's actually is pretty straightforward I think. Utena want's to be a prince. That's her fantasy. The general virtues she want's to possess are great. Good even. But the specific's seems to involve a kind of rides in and saves the day riding in on a white horse thing, where she's the hero and does for some poor unfortunate girl what her prince did to her.

Saionji's meanwhile, seems to be something of him having a genuine reciprocal relationship with Anthy, with him inhabiting the role of a badboy romantic lead while the two of them have feelings for each other. When, really, he doesn't seem to care for her, or at least the feelings that he has for her are considerably weaker than whatever awkward feelings he has going on for Toga (I'm seriously a little fuzzy here, cause it feels like following his most recent defeat he's rocking some kind of clarity? I don't know how it's gonna work out, but I could sorta see him Returning and upsetting whatever the then status quo is.)

But notably, the big thing between them is their staunch refusal to accept what seems to be really true about their relationship with Anthy.

That the end theme seems to immediately pop up as an answer to Utena's reaction feels...Purposeful.