#ethan torchio angst

[till-you-scream-and-cry]

Background noise

Pairing: Ethan x Fem!Reader

summary: you and Ethan have a special bond, but when problems appear, things get painful

word count: 2.1 k

contents: polyamory (kinda), angst, fluff, hurt and comfort, some smut, mentions of not eating, 

author’s note: wrote a little something while i’m trying to come up with some bigger project, i hope you’ll like it 💕

Måsterlist | tåglist

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“Are you sure there’s no other way?” 

Ethan asked quietly, his voice was soft and filled with sadness. A few hours earlier you got a message from your university, that your scholarship has been accidentally granted, and you must return for the final semester to your home country. 

“I emailed them, called and talked to several people. They all said the same thing. I need to go back.” You sat down heavily on his bed and curled up in his lap. His hand immediately found its way to your hair, gently stroking your head.

“I don’t want you to go.” He whispered. 

“I don’t want to go either.” 

You lay there, cuddled up in silence, trying to somehow get used to the thought that in a few days, you won’t have that closeness, you won’t feel each other’s warmth, skin. You won’t be able to smell his shampoo and talk for hours before falling asleep. He was special, the kind of love you’ve seen in movies, and read in books with flushed cheeks, hidden with a flashlight under a blanket. You weren’t expecting even to find friends during your stay in Rome, yet somehow you found something much better. 

You met him at a flea market, on one chilly Sunday morning. After a short while you got closer. He introduced you to his friends, which seemed to be fond of you as well. At least that’s what he told you. You lived in your perfect little world, without labels, fights, and jealousy, but with lots of mutual love, care, and passion. 

One evening you bumped into a really handsome guy – Marco. In the heat of the moment, the three of you ended up in Ethan’s flat, and more specifically his bed. After a long night, full of love in every form, you and Ethan made a decision to keep him around. First, he was supposed to be a fun addition to your sex life, but something about Marco charmed Ethan. You felt close to him, attracted to him, but without any bigger feelings. He was fun and made Ethan happy, and that’s all you cared about.

The next morning after the sad news arrived, the three of you met at Ethan’s flat for breakfast.

“I’m not leaving you alone, you’ll have someone to keep you company while I’m gone.” You smiled at Ethan.

“She’s right, I won’t let you mourn.” Marco squeezed Ethan’s hand and winked at you.

Ethan sat in silence with a forced smile, trying to stay composed and ignore his watery eyes.

About three weeks had passed. You managed to somehow fill your days enough to keep yourself from crying, filled with heartache. You missed Ethan so damn much and kept counting the days till your visit. 

A loud buzzing noise woke you up. You fell asleep with your face on your desk. Again. Trying to study, handling sleepless nights and somehow maintaining a social life to stay sane, were catching up with you. You glanced at your vibrating phone, trying to see what time it is.

“Vic? Hey.” You mumbled, still rubbing your eyes, you hissed as the smeared mascara started burning a little. 

“Hi, umm… Sorry, I'm calling this late but…” Vic sounded a bit nervous, which wasn’t something you’ve seen often.

“What happened? Everything ok?” you were surprised by your own, trembling voice.

“It’s Ethan… I don’t want to tell you too much, you should talk. He’s not doing great.”

Your heart started beating like crazy, your breath got shorter and faster. 

“Is he alright? Safe?!” You said a bit too loudly.

“Physically yes, we’re making sure he’s safe. Mentally… Can you please come here this weekend? I know it’s short notice, but…”

“I’ll be there tomorrow.” You said and ended the call. 

You sat down on your bed, with a thousand thoughts racing through your head. He seemed a bit odd for the past few days but still seemed like himself. Just a bit more busy than usual. You took a deep breath, realizing how fast you were bouncing your legs and how red your cuticles got from you biting on them.

“Fuck…” You mumbled and grabbed a laptop to book flights. A few moments later your bag was already packed, waiting for a morning bus to the airport.

You couldn’t sleep at all, Ethan wasn’t responding to any of your messages. All you had was a chat with Vic, Thomas, and Damiano who kept reassuring you with their messages, that even though it looks terrible, they had things under control.

The road to the airport and the flight were a blur. Damiano picked you up with an apologetic smile on his face.

“I’m sorry, we didn’t want to scare you, but I genuinely don’t remember the last time he was in such a state. There’s no way of talking to him, he’s just, absent.”

You gave him a hug and gently patted his back.

“I hope I can help.” You mumbled.

On the ride, Damiano told you a little about what happened in the last few days. Since leaving Ethan alone in his flat wasn’t an option, the four of them moved to their summer house, where they usually spent free time creating new music. Ethan allowed them to pack his bags, and drive him to the spot. He sadly climbed the stairs and locked himself up in a room. He spent a full two days there, before letting anyone inside. He refused to eat, drink and talk to anyone. He never said what happened, which made them even more concerned. 

“So we’ve decided that besides us, you’re the only person he might actually listen to. We tried to reach his sisters, but they’re abroad, apparently without a signal.” 

You sighed and shook your head. 

Damiano opened the door for you and grabbed your luggage. Vic and Thomas were in the living room, waiting for you. Both of them gave you hugs.

“Thank you, really. We got so worried…” Thomas said, his voice cracking at the last syllable. Vic wrapped her arms around him and kissed his temple.

“He’s upstairs in his room, right?” 

They nodded.

“We’ll give you some space and go shopping. Call us if you need anything.” Damiano sent you a pale smile and closed the door behind the three of them. 

You slowly climbed the stairs with a racing heart, scared to find out what happened. You opened the heavy door to his room with a loud squeak. Ethan was curled up on the bed, his hair all messy, dressed only in boxers and an old shirt he once had stolen from you. You closed the door behind you and walked closer.

“Ethan?” You said quietly. He quickly turned around and looked at you.

“You came?” His voice was shaky, it cracked at the last syllable. His face was pale, eyes red and teary, his lips puffy from crying.

“Of course I did.” You said, with great concern in your voice. 

You sat down at the edge of the bed. Ethan without a word, crawled closer, he put his face on your lap and wrapped his arms around you. You leaned down and kissed his head, embracing him in a tight hug. Suddenly you felt wetness on your thighs. His tears were hot, he choked on them quietly.

“My love, what happened?” You whispered, not letting him go, still holding him tight.

“Marco…he turned out to be a bastard.” Ethan blurted out.

“What did he do? Where is he now?” You asked with a big frown. 

Ethan sat up and wiped his eyes. He looked at you and cleared his throat.

“As soon as you left, he started acting differently. He kept saying that it’s good that you left, and that now we can be alone. We started fighting about that. I kept repeating that I love you, and he didn’t like that. I should’ve known something was up, he kept insisting on going out with me, trying to meet my friends and people from the label. And well…” he sighed and started rubbing his forehead.

“Did he hurt you?” You whispered.

“We went to a party, I caught him kissing with some guy. I asked what’s that about? He was drunk and said a bit too much.”

He shook his head and looked up at you.

“He said that he’s embarrassed by how I look, that I like makeup, with how I dress, that I talk about some bullshit that interests me. He said that I’m pathetic and that he just wanted to fuck and meet people to expand his photography business. He said that to my face with lots of people listening.”

You loudly exhaled. Both of you sat there in silence. You couldn’t believe that anyone could treat another person so horribly. Especially, Ethan, a person who you knew wouldn’t hurt a fly. And to do that while he was vulnerable and in love? You couldn’t wrap your head around this. All you could do was cup his face and look deeply into his eyes, with all the love you had for him.

“Ethan… I’m so sorry. You don’t deserve to be treated like this. None of it is true. I love you so much for who you are. Anyone who thinks otherwise doesn’t deserve your attention. 

He swallowed hard, a tear rolled down his cheek. You smiled softly and wiped it with your finger.

“Thank you, for being you. And for loving me, despite everything.” He whispered, nuzzling his face to your hand.

“How could I not love you?” You cupped his face and kissed him gently, scared that he’ll fall apart. You broke off the kiss and pressed your forehead to his. “I’m here now, and I’ll keep you safe.”

Ethan nodded and cuddled into you, wrapping his arms around your middle. 

Once you managed to calm him down a little, you made a bubble bath for him. He was exhausted from lack of sleep, food, and dehydration. Seeing him like this, barely able to stand on his own, was breaking your heart. You helped him get into the tub, sat beside him and started gently washing his hair. He sighed as you started massaging his scalp. Once you finished, you helped him wrap himself in a fluffy bathrobe and get back to his room. He sat in a big chair in front of the mirror and watched your every move as you started brushing his tangled hair. You saw a soft smile on his face and kissed his shoulder. When you finished, he moved back to bed. 

“Thank you. It really means so much.” He said quietly, looking at you with soft eyes.

“You don’t need to thank me, it’s what you deserve.”

“Come here.” He was sitting on the bed, his back resting against the frame. He patted his lap.

You crawled closer and sat on him, straddling him, and put both hands on his shoulders. His face changed and brightened up immediately. 

“I missed you…” his hands started wandering over your back and your sides. “All of you…” He whispered as his thumbs brushed your breasts.

“I missed you too.” You dragged your hands down to his chest, looking deeply into his eyes. 

He cupped your face and pulled you into a deep and passionate kiss. You sighed against his lips and rolled your hips. He moaned quietly, you felt his cock twitch underneath you. The only barrier between you two was your underwear and bathrobe. 

“Do you want me?” He said in a breathy voice.

“I always do.” You replied.

Ethan parted his bathrobe, and his hardening cock bounced back. You looked down and grabbed him, slowly stroking him. He once again kissed you, this time it was more messy and hungry. 

“Please…” He whimpered.

You lifted your dress a little and moved your soaked panties aside. He grabbed your hips and pulled you down on his cock, stretching you around him.  You both moaned loudly. Ethan started guiding your hips with one hand, helping you find the rhythm. His other hand kept teasing your breast. You both started panting loudly, filling the room with your noises. You put your hands on his shoulder and started moving faster, riding him the way you knew he loved. You were both on edge, chasing your release. The pent-up lust and passion from weeks of being apart caught up with both of you. You sped up your pace, feeling Ethan thrusting up into you harder. You threw your head back, feeling the tension building up inside of you. He grabbed your hips firmly and started slamming into you. Seconds later you both came hard, moaning loudly. You looked down at him, his dreamy eyes and flushed cheeks. He looked gorgeous. Ethan wrapped his arms around you and pulled you close to his chest. While still panting, he whispered against your neck.

“All I ever needed was you. All of you. The rest is just a background noise.”

**************

tåglist: @thewitchinthemountain @8iunie @tempobrucera @coven-daddy @bethanysnow @writingmaneskin @blackberryblossom @hiraetheral @theimpossiblehologramtree @ilwiwbysmv @weareoddlydrawn @jrj2 @bieberhoodforever @chesirecatt @que--sera--sera @iamtashaquinn @butkutee @ohdamiano @stardustingold @woahzz11 @cuzimitaliano @thegeminisgirl @bisexual-babygirl-mj @maneslut @eliseline @dpaccione @xweirdxsceletton @agentreid2 @roisinlove123 @vicdeangelis @ohladymoon @ykaaarus @androgynouscloudenemy   @lovelyy-moonlight @anaislfbv @DarcyMåneWinx @esposadomd @chiaraxtargaryen @flowerfeastrry @mandy-bo-bandy @itsbearss @woddiemmi @sournatromanoff @lavendernlemons  @vittoriaisfuckingpathetic 

[itsmealaiah]

Out of love (Ethan Torchio x Fem)

A/n: I love ethan so much, he is absolutely gorgeous.

tags/ warnings: slight cursing, angst, ethan losing feelings.

(angst to fluff)

The sunlight streamed through the window, casting a warm glow across the bed. Ethan's chest rose and fell in a gentle rhythm as he slept, his features soft and peaceful. I couldn't help but admire him, even as my heart ached. It was hard to believe that just a few short months ago, he had been everything to me. But now... now I could feel the distance growing between us, like a chasm that threatened to swallow us whole.

I didn't want to leave him. Not like this. But I knew I had to go back to England, back to my family and my home. I couldn't stay here anymore, not when I knew that Ethan didn't love me the way I loved him. The thought of him waking up one day and realizing that he had never truly loved me, that it had all been a lie... it was too much to bear.

I slipped out of bed, careful not to wake him, and gathered my few belongings. My heart felt like it was being torn in two as I packed up my clothes and my cherished memories. I couldn't help but wonder if I'd ever see him again, if this was truly the end. As I reached for the door handle, I took one last look at his sleeping form, etching his face into my memory for safekeeping.Outside, the air was crisp and cool, a sharp contrast to the warmth I had just left behind. I took a deep breath, trying to steady my shaking hands, and then I started to walk, not knowing where I was going or what I was supposed to do now. All I knew was that I had to find a way to move on, to forget the man who had once been my everything.

As I made my way through the quiet streets, I couldn't help but feel a sense of loss, as if a part of me had died and been buried along with my hopes and dreams. I knew that going back to England wouldn't be easy, that I would have to face my family and friends and try to explain what had happened. But for now, all I could focus on was the ache in my chest, the emptiness that seemed to fill every part of me.

Eventually, I found myself at the airport, waiting for my flight. I tried to distract myself with a book, with the noise of the other travelers around me, but nothing seemed to help. My mind kept wandering back to Ethan, to the way he had looked at me when he thought I wasn't looking, to the way his touch used to send shivers down my spine. It was all too much, and I couldn't help but wonder if I had made the right decision.

The flight was long and arduous, and every time I closed my eyes, I saw Ethan's face. I tried to remember the last time we had laughed together, the last time we had made love, the last time we had truly been happy. It seemed like a lifetime ago, and yet it had all happened so quickly. As the plane touched down in England, I could feel the weight of my heart pressing down on my chest, making it difficult to breathe.

The familiar sights and sounds of home soon began to wash over me, but they didn't bring with them the comfort I had hoped for. Instead, they served as a constant reminder of everything I had left behind. I knew that I needed to find a way to move on, to create a new life for myself here, but it was easier said than done.

The first person I saw when I stepped off the plane was my mother, her face etched with worry and concern. She enveloped me in a hug, as if she could somehow shield me from the pain I was feeling. I broke down in tears, unable to hold back any longer. She held me close, murmuring words of comfort and reassurance, and for a moment, I felt safe again.

As we made our way through customs, my father took my other hand, his grip firm but gentle. I could see the questions in his eyes, but I didn't have the strength to explain what had happened. Instead, I let them lead me to the car, knowing that they would take care of me, even if they didn't understand.

Once we were in the car, my mother finally spoke. "You can tell us what's wrong, you know. We're here for you, no matter what." I swallowed hard, trying to find the words to explain the mess my life had become. "It's just... Ethan and I broke up," I finally managed to say. The silence that fell over the car was deafening.

I could feel my mother's gaze on me, but I couldn't meet his eyes. "Oh, sweetheart," my mother murmured, squeezing my hand. "I'm so sorry." She glanced at my father, who seemed to be struggling to find the right words. "It's going to be okay," she continued, her voice trembling. "We'll help you get through this."

The rest of the car ride passed in a blur of tears and hugs, with my parents doing their best to comfort me. As we pulled up to our family home, I couldn't help but wonder if I had made a mistake leaving New York. The house looked just as I had left it, a testament to the passage of time and the endurance of our family.

Once inside, my mother led me up to my old bedroom, carefully helping me remove my coat and unpack my suitcase. As she hung up my clothes and arranged my belongings, she continued to reassure me that everything would be alright. I tried to believe her, but a small voice inside me kept whispering that maybe she was wrong.

That night, as I lay in bed, I reached for my phone, intending to text Ethan one last time. But before I could even unlock it, I heard a knock at my door. It was my father, his face lined with concern. "You don't have to do this, you know," he said softly, sitting down on the edge of the bed. "You can't keep trying to reach out to him."

I looked down at the phone in my hand, the words already forming in my mind. "I know," I whispered. "I just want things to be the way they used to be." He sighed heavily, running a hand through his hair. "I wish I could tell you that things would get better, but I don't know that they will. Not right now."

His words cut deep, but they also made me realize that maybe I had been trying to hold onto something that was no longer there. I slowly set my phone aside, closing my eyes as the weight of the day began to press down on me. "I miss him, Dad," I confessed, my voice barely above a whisper. "More than anything."

He wrapped an arm around me, pulling me close. "I know you do, sweetheart," he said gently. "But you have to remember that people change, and sometimes, the people we love the most aren't the ones who stay." He hesitated for a moment before adding, "You're going to find someone else who deserves you, someone who will love you the way you deserve to be loved."I sniffed, wiping away a tear that had escaped down my cheek. "I hope so," I said softly, trying to convince myself as much as him. "I just wish I could go back and do things differently." My father squeezed my shoulder reassuringly. "There's nothing you could have done, honey. Sometimes, things just don't work out the way we plan."

We sat there in silence for a while, my father's words echoing in my head. As the hours ticked by, I finally drifted off to sleep, the image of Ethan's face fading slowly from my mind. In the morning, I would have to face the reality of my situation, but for now, I could find some small comfort in the arms of my family.

Little did I know that as I slept, Ethan had been going through his own personal hell. After not hearing from me for days, he had become increasingly worried, convinced that something terrible had happened to me. He had spent hours searching for me online, desperately trying to piece together any information about my whereabouts. It wasn't until he received my text that he realized I was back home, and his heart began to race with hope. He immediately picked up his phone, his fingers trembling as he texted back, demanding to know where I was, what I'd been doing, and why I had left.

The next morning, as I lay in bed, still trying to process the events of the previous day, I heard a knock at the door. I hesitated for a moment before opening it, expecting to see my parents, or perhaps one of my old friends from school. Instead, standing on the front step, was Ethan. He looked different somehow - paler, thinner, but also more determined than I had ever seen him. As I stared at him, unable to find the words to speak, he took a step forward and wrapped his arms around me, pulling me close.

"I'm sorry," he whispered into my hair. "I'm so sorry I hurt you. I was so stupid, and I was so selfish. I didn't realize what I had until it was gone." I couldn't help but feel a small tremor run through his body as he spoke, and I knew that he meant every word. I wanted to believe him, to trust him again, but a small voice in the back of my head kept whispering that it might be too late.

"Where have you been?" I asked quietly, pulling away from him just enough to look into his eyes. "And how did you find me here?" He glanced down at the floor for a moment before meeting my gaze again."I've been... I've been at my aunt's place. I didn't want to come back here, not after what happened. And as for how I found you... I just kept searching, kept digging until I found your address. I had to see you, had to try and explain." His voice broke on the last word, and I could see the pain in his eyes, the desperation to make things right.

"You should have called," I said softly, wishing I could take back the harshness in my voice. "I've been so worried about you." He nodded, taking a deep breath before reaching up to wipe away a tear that had escaped down his cheek."I know. And I'm sorry. I just... I was afraid. Afraid of losing you all over again." His admission hung in the air between us, heavy with the weight of all that we'd been through. I couldn't help but feel a pang of sympathy for him, for the boy who had once been my everything.

Slowly, tentatively, I reached out and took his hand in mine. "I want to believe you," I whispered, searching his face for any sign that he was telling the truth. "I want to trust you again." His fingers tightened around mine, and for a moment, I could see the relief flash across his features."I promise," he said, his voice little more than a hoarse whisper. "I promise that I will never hurt you again. I'll prove it to you, if you'll just give me the chance." And as I looked into his eyes, I could see the sincerity there, the determination to make things right. I wanted to believe him. I wanted to trust him. Because deep down, somewhere beneath all the pain and the anger, I still loved him.

"Okay," I said finally, my voice barely audible. "Okay, you can come in." He stepped inside, hesitating for a moment before closing the door behind him. We stood there in the silence, neither of us quite sure what to say or do next. Finally, I broke the silence. "I've missed you," I whispered.

Ethan's face lit up at this admission, and he took a tentative step forward, wrapping his arms around me in a hug. "I've missed you more," he murmured into my hair. "I've been such an idiot. I can't even begin to explain how sorry I am for everything I've put you through."As we stood there, holding onto each other, I felt a tiny spark of hope ignite inside me. Maybe, just maybe, things could go back to the way they used to be. Maybe Ethan was truly sorry, and he really wanted to make things right. I took a deep breath, preparing myself to tell him everything, to lay it all out on the table.

2147 words. I hope you enjoyed! ❤️❤️

[wonderlandishell]

The middle of adventure, such a perfect place to stop

Victoria De Angelis/Ethan Torchio

Friends with Benefits / Friends to Lovers / Genderqueer Character / Coming Out / Angst / Pegging / Blood Kink

“You two should just fuck each other. Easier that way,” Thomas giggles. When three blank stares pin him down, he holds his hands up. “What! That’s the truth, that would get rid of much of the problems, and you already know you’re compatible. I’m not telling you to actually do it!” “Don’t give them stupid ideas,” Damiano finishes his coffee with an air of finality and stands from the table.

Read on ao3

[cuzimitaliano]

SUPERMODEL (Tiktok Edition) Cursed Screenshots

[hxllfires-gifs]

PAIRING. ethan torchio x trans!male!reader

SUMMARY. being transgender with dysphoria was painful for y/n but ethan was always there to make it a little bit better.

WORD COUNT. 913

CRYING FILLED THE bathroom’s silence as Y/N L/N stared at himself in the mirror. This is something that had gone on for the past couple of minutes; he was feeling insecure, more than that honestly. He was unable to pinpoint what triggered these feelings this time but all he knew was that it sucked. He hated getting this way so often but it really wasn’t something that he could control.

Being a transgender male was difficult for a plethora of reasons and the dysphoria did not help matters. He had only recently been starting the process of transitioning. He had started Testosterone, which was exciting to him, but he hated that he had to do it in the first place.

Why was he born in such a feminine body? It was a question that he asked himself too often. There wasn’t many parts of his body that he actually didn’t mind and he didn’t like saying ‘my body’ because he didn’t feel like that’s what it was. Why would he?

The days when he just stood in front of a mirror and cried were not good for his mental health but sometimes he didn’t see how things could get worse. He really did try but the bad days just brought him down so much.

However, he felt lucky that he had such a lovely support system in his boyfriend and their friends. Ethan Torchio had been such an angel to Y/N, even before he came out to anyone. The Italian was so respectful and genuine. He was always ready to share his clothes with his boyfriend which Y/N greatly appreciated.

He was the one who kept Y/N going during these difficult times. The male didn’t know what he would do without Ethan and he didn’t want to think about it since it gave him anxiety.

Speaking of, the brunette had just gotten back home from recording at the studio with the band, which his boyfriend hadn’t realized. The sound of the H/C haired boy’s cries could be heard from their bedroom and it broke Ethan’s heart. He wished that he could take every ounce of pain away but he sadly couldn’t. However, that didn’t mean that he never tried.

The Torchio soon made his way into the bathroom and frowned at the sight of his lover. He didn’t completely understand what Y/N felt but he would always try to and he would always listen.

“Amore mio, what’s wrong?” The words were soft and gentle, not wanting to startle the other male, even though he was in plain sight.

The L/N sniffled. “Everything about me is just wrong! My face is too feminine, my hips are too wide, I’m not tall enough. I will never be able to pass as a guy. It freaking hurts.”

Ethan walked closer to his boyfriend, his body towering over Y/N’s slightly. “Can I touch you?”

He didn’t want to make his lover anymore uncomfortable but he wanted to calm him down, show him love, make sure that he was not alone no matter how much it felt like it sometimes. Once he saw the male nod his head, he gently wrapped his arms around his boyfriend, Y/N’s back to his chest.

“I know I don’t understand what you are going through but it hurts me to see you like this. I hate how you constantly put yourself down. Things will get better and I hope that your dysphoria becomes less severe as time goes on and as the Testosterone starts doing its thing.”

“I’m here for you every step of the way. I know you have anxiety when it comes to surgery and being put under anesthesia but if you decide you need top surgery or anything else, I’ll support you. You’re not in this alone.” Ethan kissed the top of his lover’s head.

He continued what was now becoming a speech, unable to stop himself. “I want you to also remember that it’s okay to take your time. You don’t have to come out to anyone else if you’re not ready and you don’t have to make decisions about surgeries and stuff if you don’t feel comfortable.”

His comment about coming out was referring to Y/N’s family who weren’t all that supportive of the LGBTQIA+ community. It was something that also brought Y/N down but he tried not to care so much, although it was hard since it was his family; his parents, his grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins.

Ethan then placed his head onto his lover’s right shoulder. “When I look into the mirror at you, I see nothing but handsome boyfriend who I love with my whole being. You are the most important thing to me and I will never let you forget it.”

Y/N turned around in Ethan’s arms to look at him. He reached a hand up to wipe his tears, feeling a little better because of his boyfriend’s kindness. “Thank you,” he was quick enough to say before his brain started thinking of just how grateful he was for his relationship.

“Of course, like I said, I’m always here for you.” His reassurance made Y/N feel better. He always loved knowing that he had someone who genuinely cared and wanted the best for him.

Ethan didn’t take long to add, “Now, do you want to go watch ‘Grease’ and cuddle? I think that will take your mind off of things and stop you from spiraling.”

“I’d love that,” Y/N L/N spoke softly.

AUTHOR’S NOTE! if you are someone who does experience dysphoria, i’m so sorry. you are strong and beautiful! i have personally gone through it as well but not to a severe level; but i’ve still cried over it and felt terrible, so i hope this can give at least one person some sort of comfort. i love you all, whoever is reading this.

[desiderium333]

Hello, this is me finally rising from the dead after two years.

Due to some personal issues I faced over those 2 years I've decided that now might be the time to continue with this little project of mine.

I am aware that not that much people find Måneskin relevant but I still want to pursue my love and passion for writing via this.

I hope yall understand and will continue to support and follow me and my work.

I shall soon upload my story "For your love" along the taglist and my masterlist.

[covbrk]

Hi! First time posting anything here, other than the reposts i have. I have thought about finally start writing fan fictions, but there’s this one thingy. I wanted to get back into roleplaying on instagram and i was wondering if someone does as well and if they would want to roleplay there ! I promise to start posting stuff here during my summer break that starts in july.

[sassy-sofia]

Your Ocean

Pairing: Thomas x Damiano

Description: “He had never really learned how to just like something. He has always had to go in head first, surrounding himself in it, changing himself for it, letting it consume him.”

Thomas becomes infatuated by a mysterious man after noticing him outside of his campus. Letting curiosity get the best of him, he quickly sets on the path to learn who he is, however, some people are best to admire from afar.

*author note: I am still in the process of writing this, tags may change as I go. Updates should be weekly.

Wordcount: 81k (complete)

Chapters: 19/19

TW: mental health, homophobia, substance abuse, smut

Additional tags on AO3

[ami--gami]

Summary:

This isn’t a suicide note, I’m not killing myself. I just can’t do this. I do want to kill myself, it’s so difficult some days, but I’m not going to. This is the alternative. I don’t want to die, but I can’t go on like this. I don’t want to die, even though sometimes it feels like the only option.

I love all of you, Damiano.

Or

Damiano runs away and leaves only a note behind. A look into how much it affects Vic, Thomas and Ethan.

New fic dropped on Ao3

[gotheskin]

hi, my name is jess, my pronouns are (she/they), welcome to gotheskin (mia goth + måneskin), a blog where i will be writing and posting about different celebrities.

about me (in progress)

requests are: open

(be specific in your requests by stating the character(s), & the basic kinks and/or plot points!)

people i write smut / fluff / angst about are:

måneskin [masterlist here]

damiano david

ethan torchio

victoria de angelis

thomas raggi

one piece live action (2023) [masterlist here]

monkey d. luffy

roronoa zoro

nami

vinsmoke sanji

koby

captain buggy

dracule mihawk

shanks

dune (2021+24) [masterlist here]

paul atreides

chani kynes

princess irulan

feyd-rautha harkonnen

margot robbie characters [masterlist here]

naomi lapaglia (wolf of wall street 2013)

harley quinn (suicide squad 2016 / birds of prey 2020 / the suicide squad 2022)

barbie (no smut for barbs, our ace queen) (barbie 2023)

mia goth characters [masterlist here]

(young) pearl (pearl 2022)

maxine minx (x 2022 / maxxxine 2024)

pedro pascal characters [masterlist here]

joel miller (the last of us 2023)

din djarin (the mandalorian 2019)

matthew lillard characters [masterlist here]

stu macher (scream 1996)

tim laflour (senseless 1998)

shaggy rogers (no smut for him either!) (scooby doo 2002)

misc characters [masterlist here]

tiffany valentine (bride of chucky 1998)

tangerine (bullet train 2022)

elvis presley (elvis 2022)

ken (barbie 2023)

artists i post about are:

chappell roan

måneskin

king princess

kim petras

[writingmaneskin]

Brividi - An Ethan Torchio Blurb

Pairings: Ethan Torchio x Fem!Reader

Summary: What happens when two people love each other very deeply but can't love each other the right way?

Warnings: angst, mentions of alcohol and smoking

Words: 1.8k

A/N: This was requested a while back by my dear @maneskings💞

MASTERLIST

kofi || join the taglist || send a request

taglist: @queendorkula, @maneskings, @moonlight-simp, @iosonoarina, @itsmaneskinbitch, @unaballerinascalza, @hiraetheral, @homesicam, @ilwiwbysmv, @bieberhoodforever, @vita-thrasher, @ethaneskin, @theimpossiblehologramtree, @dubist-immerinmeinengedanken, @butkutee, @8iunie, @sunflowerpumpkinpie, @ventvnni, @l0standn0tf0und, @dpaccione, @elvirabelle, @cuzimitaliano, @daddydamiano, @torchiosfries, @shehaddreamstoo, @guesswhoispathetic, @iamtashaquinn, @h1ppieth1ngs , @alexxavicry, @tnu-ree, @bigsimpsimp, @ccweasley, @xihush @soficide

Whenever the two of you existed in the same space, you tended to tune out everyone and everything. Even when you didn’t try to. 

It happened like in the movies, time and time again - when the lens would focus on something very specific and everything else would just fade into the background. That’s what happened whenever the two of you met and all of the background noise, all of the unnecessary overwhelm just disappeared.

Calmness washing over you again and again. A haven. 

“You are doing it again.” Vic nudged you in the side playfully.

“Doing what?” You looked at her confused from the sudden snap back to reality

“Pretending no one else exists when he enters the room.” 

“It’s not intentional.” Redness rose to your cheeks and it made your friend chuckle.

“I am not saying it is, I am saying that I am watching a real life romcom and you two need to figure it out.” 

“There is nothing to be figured out, Vic.” 

“Did you two get together and tell no one?” 

“No.” 

“Then there is something to be figured out!” 

“You just love to play the matchmaker, don’t you?” 

“No, I love helping my loved ones see that they are made for one another.” 

Your eyes found him on the opposite side of the room, deep in conversation with Thomas. Victoria’s words had given you chills and you were glad for the long sleeves that could hide the goosebumps on your skin.

“It’s wishful thinking, Vic. Things don’t work out like that in real life. This is not some fairytale where you have someone made just for you.” Your eyes filled with tears and you excused yourself before Victoria could say something and just push you over the brink. 

**

“You’re pining again.” Thomas nudged Ethan carefully. 

“I am not.” 

“Try to fool someone who hasn’t spent so much time with you, please.”  Thomas chuckled. He found it both funny and a bit heartbreaking to see you both pining for each other and yet neither of you had the courage to follow your heart and just talk to the other person and figure things out.

“I am not trying to fool you. My feelings are my own to deal with. Y/N didn’t sign up for this.” 

“Y/N didn’t sign up for what?” Vic walked over to Thomas and Ethan. Ethan looked immediately behind her, searching for you but you weren’t there. 

“You’re meddling again, aren’t you?” Ethan looked to his other best friend.

“You are the second person tonight to accuse me of this.” Vic looked scandalised. 

“If the shoe fits…” Thomas chuckled and Vic nudged him in the ribs.

“Where did Y/N go?” Ethan took a step closer to Vic.

“I think she went outside. We were talking and she just left. You two really need to talk things out.” 

“I’ll go check on Y/N. Please stop meddling.” 

**

There was a slight breeze but the night was beautiful. You could hear the noise of the lively streets of Rome and it felt magical to be both so close to all that but also slightly detached from it - a quiet observer of so many stories.

He stood for a moment on the doorstep and watched you before reaching into his pocket for a cigarette. The faint click of the lighter made you look over your shoulder before you turned around, realising it’s him.

“What are you thinking about?” He shrugged off his jacket and put it around your shoulders. 

“It would be blissful if it was just one thing clouding my mind.” It was a sad attempt of a joke but that’s how your jokes rolled - mix a bit of the real thing in it.

“Let’s unpack then. Unless you want me to fuck off, of course?” 

“Ethan Torchio, if I ever tell you to fuck off, that person wouldn’t be me. It would only be someone pretending to be me.” 

That made him laugh, which in turn made you smile. Getting him to laugh was one of your favourite pass times.

“You are my favourite person in the whole world, you know that?” He put a kiss on your temple. He was sure it wasn’t the alcohol giving him liquid courage, it was time to face the music, to be brave, to be honest with his favourite person and see where it took him. Maybe his friends were right. Maybe it would all work out.

You couldn’t believe your ears. 

“Eth, you are drunk.” You managed after a moment.

“I am not. You are my favourite person.” 

“Ethan, please.” The tears surfaced again. 

The words were bubbling under your skin, screaming to be let out. Every atom in your body wanted to tell him how you felt. Everything that made you you said that this made sense. You and him. Him and you. 

But you couldn’t do this to him. You couldn’t give him this love. Or maybe he couldn’t give you this love. 

You searched for the sincerity in his eyes. You could see pain slowly appearing there. He could feel the rejection.

“Y/N… I know you didn’t sign up for this when we met.” 

“Ethan, you don’t want this.” You put your hand over his heart and felt it race beneath your fingers. 

“How do you know what I want?” He challenged.

“I know. Right now you might think that this will bring you comfort. Because you’ve known me for so long, because there will be no awkward stage. Maybe the sex will be good too. But before we know it the friendship will be gone and everything else will be too. You will be gone working and I will bury myself in work trying not to think about how my life is going by and you are not there for us to experience it together.” 

He was speechless, the scenarios you had listed all going through his mind as his heart grew heavier and heavier.

“You want a cheerleader and that’s fine. You want someone to show up for you and applaud you and support you, and I am more than happy to be that for you. The difference between us is that you want just that. I want to build something more.” 

“Y/N, I want something more too.” 

“Ethan, it would break me to lose you. Break me in so many little pieces that I am not sure I will survive putting myself back together. So many pieces that I don’t know if there will be enough of me left to put myself together.” Tears were rolling down your face but you didn’t care. You loved him and both of you deserved the truth.

“Please.” You saw the hairs on his arms were standing and you took off the jacket and wrapped it around his shoulders before pressing a kiss to his cheek. 

“I love you. I love you more than I have ever loved anyone and more than I will ever love anyone. But I can’t love you the way you need me to and you can’t love me the way I need you to.” 

When you pulled away, you saw that he was crying too. Standing there, frozen and crying. 

“Please.” He said again. 

With tears rolling quietly down your face, you took the hardest steps you’ve ever taken and quietly left the gathering, not leaving a trace behind as if you’d never been there. 

**

Thomas and Victoria found him an hour later, still standing outside. His eyes were empty. He smoked cigarette after cigarette and replayed your words over and over in his head. 

He had that - the cheerleading, the admiration, with his previous relationship. He thought it was enough. It hadn’t been. It could never be, because that person wasn’t you. Yet you thought that he could never give you what you want. 

“What happened? Are you okay?” Thomas and Vic both sat close to him. 

“I told her and she did not sign up for a lie.” His tone was even. 

Vic and Thomas shared a concerned look. 

“Did you lie to her?” Thomas dared ask. He thought it would get some sort of reaction out of Ethan but it didn’t. 

“I did not lie to her but she sees right through me.” 

“She loves you.” Vic squeezed his arm.

“And I love her, and she deserves better. She deserves someone who can love her right.” 

“There is no wrong way to love someone.” Thomas tried to argue. Ethan looked at him.

“There is, when your love hurts the person that means the world to you.” 

Without saying anything else he left the party, determined to find you. He needed to talk more. He needed to make it make sense. He couldn’t lose you before he even got you.

He rang your apartment doorbell despite the late hour.  

Nothing.

“I am at your door, please.” He wrote the text and sent it, hoping that it would be enough to get you to open the door. To face him. To hear what he has to say.

He heard steps coming from inside the apartment and there you stood, wearing one of his big shirts that had disappeared a while ago, your face mirroring his. 

“It’s late.” 

“I know. We need to talk.” 

“What is there to talk about?” You let him inside the apartment. 

“You left me.” 

“Before you could leave me.” The tears started rolling again.

“I don’t want you to be a cheerleader.” 

“Anything more would be too much, anything less wouldn’t be enough.” You argued.

“A few years ago, maybe. But I need you, Y/N. I need you and I love you and I can’t do any of this without you.” 

His words felt like a thousand little cuts against your skin. 

“I love you and I don’t want to do this without you. I don’t want to lose you. I don’t want to imagine a life where you are not a part of it.” 

“Ethan…” 

He cupped your face very gently, getting a strand of hair carefully out of the way. 

“I love you. I love you and I promise not to bolt when things get difficult. I promise to show up. I promise to learn how to love you the way you need me to. I love you, I love you, I love you.” 

You looked at his eyes, the desperation and the pain looming there. The longing. 

You leaned forward and pressed your lips to his. One kiss. A kiss that it would leave its mark on both of you. 

“Please.” 

**

Nothing happened after that night.  

The love never died. 

It never blossomed either. 

You kept the memory of that night, of the words and the kiss close to your heart for the rest of your life. 

And whenever he looked at you, he always saw what could have been - memories and fantasies dancing in his imagination. They filled him with longing for a life that would never happen.

[till-you-scream-and-cry]

Shattered

Pairing: Ethan x Vic x Fem!Reader

summary: one day you bump into Vic and Ethan at the vintage shop, innocently unaware that it;s a beginning of a bitter sweet story that will change your life

word count: 8,6k

contents: polyamory, angst, smut, some fluff, mentions of being sick and anxiety, leaving marks on the body after being not careful enough (can be triggering), mentions of suffocating

author’s note: i really love this stor, even though it took me forever to write it, i hope you’ll like it as much as i do 💕

Måsterlist | tåglist

*******

1. SMOOTH

It was a rainy, gloomy day. You hated this weather, and usually, it was a reason big enough for you to stay in bed the whole day. Especially on Saturday. But not this time. You lazily dressed and decided to turn this day around with some thrift shopping. For a few weeks, you were on a hunt for vintage flared jeans, which would flatter your body. Staying home and rewatching your favourite show seemed appealing, yet you had a party coming, and you needed some new piece of clothing to add you some confidence. Ever since your work friend found out that you’re into modern art, she kept begging you to attend various expositions of the rising stars of Rome. Since your loneliness stopped feeling like freedom lately, you agreed to every invitation, in the hope of meeting someone special by accident. A girl can dream of a romantic comedy style ‘meet cute’, you thought. 

While going through the racks, full of colourful blazers, you noticed a raised voice of a woman on the other side of the small shop. She was laughing in such a contagious way that you couldn’t help but peek at the source of her amusement. 

“You look like a cowboy in a gay club, please for the love of god, take that off!” the blond girl chuckled. 

The guy she was with wore dark jeans, and a brown vest which was at least a few sizes too small, almost ripping on his toned, muscular chest. He had nothing underneath. His long, black hair covered his back. In response to the girl’s words, he grabbed a white cowboy hat and put it on. She wheezed.

“I knew what you were gonna say…so I completed my outfit.” He chuckled and took a spin to show off his costume.

You grinned, and as he was turning, your eyes met. 

“Don’t you think it looks spectacular?” He asked you with a soft smile.

“You look amazing.” You said, unable to take your eyes off his face.

You hoped that this exchange would last longer, that maybe you’ll manage to at least get their names. Unfortunately, right after you complemented his clothes, the girl picked up her phone and started yelling at someone for not calling sooner. They left in a rush.

A few days went by, and you were stuck in front of the mirror, making last-minute touch-ups on your makeup before leaving. The gallery wasn’t big, but the number of people gathered there was quite impressive. You strolled around with your friend before she abandoned you to talk to some man she met a day before. Suddenly you found a painting which caught your attention. You stood there, with your mouth hanging open, trying to take in every detail of the canvas. 

“You like it?” 

A familiar, a bit raspy voice appeared out of nowhere. You turned your head and saw the blond girl from the vintage shop. You smiled softly, as you realized who she was. 

“I saw you earlier, but I wasn't sure if it was you.” She said and bit her lip. 

“It’s me.” You cocked your head to the side. Her face brightened up, her blue eyes got even shinier.

“Well… I’m glad we’ve met again. I’m Vic.” She reached her hand to you and smiled at the sound of your name. 

“And yes, I like this one.” You turned to the painting again. 

“I can introduce you to the painter, it’s a friend of mine.” 

You spent the next hour with her and the painter, discussing her art and the life of an artist in Rome. The long-haired man interrupted your conversation.

“Who am I seeing again, hello stranger.” he smiled and reached for your hand. 

“Hi, cowboy” You smirked and gave him your hand. He kissed it gently, without breaking eye contact.

“Just call me Ethan.” he grinned and winked at you. You didn’t expect to blush this easily.

You started talking, and it seemed to be no end to your conversation. The words were flowing smoothly, and no amount of silence in between felt awkward. Fewer and fewer people were surrounding you, and finally, Ethan offered you some wine at his place. Normally you’d hesitate, say no, and expect him to be yet another man looking for a quick fuck. But Vic’s company, and his calm persona, made you feel safe enough to take the risk. Worst case scenario, you’d have a wild night with these two. 

As soon as you got to his place, he grabbed one of the vinyls from his large collection.

“Ethan and his jazz…” Vic kicked her shoes aside and walked over to you.

“Don’t pretend that you don’t like it.” He chuckled, clinking with the three glasses he carried in his large hand. “Some more wine?” Ethan offered.

The alcohol and another great conversation, quickly allowed you to relax, melting on the couch, listening to Ethan’s velvet voice, talking about his new favourite musician. Vic stood up and changed the vinyl for the man he was talking about. The beat was faster, but also extremely sensual.

“God, it sounds like liquid sex…” Ethan tilted his head back and closed his eyes, enjoying every tune.

Vic started walking towards you, swaying her hips to the rhythm.

“Come here.” She whispered, beckoning you over with her finger. You couldn’t resist.

She threw your hands on her shoulders, slinking hers around your waist. She pulled you closer and started swaying with you.

“Just feel the rhythm, and feel me” she whispered into your ear, her lips tickling your earlobe.

You moved closer, your hips pressed together, and very little room was left between your breasts. You kept staring into her eyes, her gorgeous angelic face and devilish smirk. Ethan lit his cigarette and watched you two with a grin, he draped one arm around the back of the couch. In a quick glance, you saw that he unbuttoned his shirt a little, the stretched material parted and exposed his chest. Suddenly you felt two fingers under your chin. Vic turned your face to herself.

“So kissable.” She dragged her index finger over your lips. 

You kept looking at her with hooded eyes and a racing heart. Vic moved closer and pressed her lips to yours. The kiss was gentle and made you crave more. Her lips were so soft and tasted so sweet. You moved your hands to the back of her head, and tangled fingers in her hair. Vic sighed and deepened the kiss, slipping her tongue into your mouth, holding your jaw with one hand, and wrapping the other around your waist to pull you closer. Just when you started losing your breath, your hands started wandering over her body, you felt another hand on your back. Vic pulled away, still holding you in her arms. Ethan smiled, looking down at you with a smirk.

“Such a pretty girl…” He cupped your face and kissed you. His hand was large and rough from years of drumming, yet his touch was tender. He tasted differently, but just as good. He nibbled on your lip, making you let out a quiet sigh. 

Being trapped between them made you feel so safe, even though you barely knew them. Their soft touch, whispers, the way they looked at you. You let go, allowed them to guide you to the bedroom, and you’ve let Vic gently push you on the mattress. 

Their hands and lips were exploring every inch of your body, making your head spin. Vic’s slender fingers kept teasing your thighs, before finally slipping under the thin lace of your underwear. Your sigh was muffled by Ethan’s kiss and quiet hum, full of satisfaction at how easy it was for them to make you eagerly spread your legs, begging for more. Her fingers danced inside of you, making you let out a series of high-pitched moans, his hands were cupping your breasts, squeezing them as he nibbled on your nipples. Soon after, you gasped loudly, feeling a warm and wet tongue being dragged through your folds. The world started spinning, moments melted into one long bliss. Soon later, Ethan flipped you around and entered you with a low grunt. You collapsed on your front, resting your face on Vic’s stomach. Just moments later, you were trying to keep your head clear enough to tease her with your tongue, tasting her sweetness as she kept whining and writhing under you. It all lasted long enough to fill your every cell with pleasure. All three of you came at the same time, panting heavily, kissing each other in a pile of limbs, sweat, and sighs. Soon later you fell asleep, embraced by Ethan, with Vic cuddled to your back, her hands laced in your middle. It felt different from just a hookup, not only the sex was better, but the atmosphere these two created, and how they made you feel. 

Your peaceful sleep was interrupted by some movement and a pair of lips pressed to your forehead. You smiled, taking your sweet time before opening your eyes, trying to go back to the memories of last night. You knew that the moment you sit up, you wouldn’t have much time before having to leave the flat. Just as you wanted to rub your face with a yawn, you felt a kiss on your bare shoulder.

“Good morning, belleza” Ethan’s raspy voice brought you back to reality. You lazily opened your eyes and looked at him.

His hair was a little tangled yet still gorgeous, falling on his bare shoulders. His big brown eyes were watching your face. Ethan smiled softly.

“No need to be worried about anything, take your time,” he said and gently stroked your arm.

“Sorry, I shouldn’t have stayed so long.” You blurted out.

“Nonsense. I hope you had as much fun as we did. And in that case, we obviously don’t want you gone so quickly.” He smiled again, melting away your racing thoughts. 

“I have coffee, but I need some help with pancakes.” Vic came back into the room, dressed in nothing but Ethan’s shirt. She looked at you with a bright smile. “Ciao bella.” She sat down at the edge of the bed and gently caressed your cheek. “How did you sleep?”

“Very good” You smiled back, nuzzling her hand.

“Alright, you two catch up, and I’ll take care of the food.” Ethan kissed Your head, then Vic’s and got out of bed. You watched him putting on some boxers, carefully studying the beams of sunlight hitting his toned muscles. 

A few minutes later the three of you were sat on the balcony, dressed only in underwear and tops, enjoying his pancakes and freshly brewed coffee. It felt like a dream, a perfect morning everyone would love after a night like yours. You could swear you had known them for years, the conversations were deep, and both of them were great listeners. You caught up with details of your life and listened to their stories of life as band members. Before you noticed, it started getting dark, and it was high time to get back home.

“Well… I guess here is where our lovely time together ends.” You sighed and grabbed your bag. 

“Why would it end?” They both looked at you confused. “We thought you had a nice time?”

Vic frowned a little.

“Well…yes. It was great. But I thought…” You stopped, seeing their faces. “Wasn’t it just a hookup?” You said a little embarrassed.

“Bella,” Ethan walked closer and smiled, “Why do you feel the need to label it? We felt a connection, we had a great time, we both like you…why should we end it?”

You listened to him, stunned by his accuracy. Yeah, why should you end it? Life taught you many times that it just doesn’t work like that, and that sooner or later the fairytale ends. They were hot, smart, and gentle, and made you feel safe. Your body was screaming to get ready for a painful disappointment. Yet they again surprised you in the best way possible. 

“Here is my number. Call me when you feel like meeting again.” Vic handed you a small piece of paper.

You smiled and left, leaving them in that cosy little flat, unaware of what was about to come.

*** 

The next few days felt like forever. Your inner battle kept you awake for a few nights, before you finally messaged Vic, asking for a meeting. She invited you to her flat and opened the door with a bright smile. Vic got some wine and handed you a glass.

“Ethan should come over in a bit.” She poured the wine and licked the dark red drop on the edge of the bottle. She looked at you and smiled softly. “I was getting worried you’ll never contact me.”

“Why wouldn’t I?” You took a sip and sighed, “Alright, I wasn’t sure if I should do it. It was great, really, but… I guess I thought it was too good to be true.” You chuckled. 

Vic kept looking at you. She stepped a little closer and tucked a loose string of your hair behind your ear. You smiled, trying not to spill the wine. Her touch was so intimate and gentle.

“So we’re too good to be true?” She asked with a smirk and took the glass from you. Vic took a sip and put it down on the table, almost reading your mind. 

“In some ways.” You whispered, watching her slowly licking her lips. 

“Good. Because we feel the same about you, cucciola.” Vic said and gently cupped your chin. 

She moved closer, wrapping her free hand around your waist, pulling you closer. She kissed you softly, letting you taste the wine off her lips. It tasted much sweeter this way. When she pulled away, you caressed her cheek, looking deeply into her blue eyes.

“How was I not supposed to fall for that?” You asked with a smile. 

“Hope I’m not interrupting.” Ethan walked into the flat and threw his keys on the table. “What a pleasure to see you again.” His warm smile made your heart flutter.

You grabbed some pillows and blankets and made a comfy nest on the balcony. You and Vic laid with heads in his lap, as he kept lazily playing with your hair. He was reading you a book, in his soothing, low voice. The sun was setting, the summer heat was finally fading away, eased by the evening breeze. One of the characters in the book Ethan was reading, mentioned a song, to him and Vic sighed. 

“Oh dear, I feel like I should know this one.” You mumbled, looking up at him with apologetic, wide eyes.

“Well…” Ethan leaned down to kiss your forehead. “Nights In White Satin is a classic, and one of my and Vic’s favourites. Up, up.” He gently patted your side to get up. 

A few moments later, he was smiling happily after finding a vinyl of said song. Vic lit up some candles and left the balcony door open, even though the wind got stronger and kept moving the long curtains. Ethan turned on a small lamp and as the music started flowing from the record player, he sat by the piano. His thick fingers were moving smoothly and with ease, adding charm to an already beautiful melody. Vic wrapped her arms around you and started swaying, softly kissing your neck. You smiled and let her lead you in a slow dance. The whole evening you spent dancing, drinking wine and talking. It felt surreal, but worrying about what was real or not was the last thing you wanted to think about.

Your friends were giving you side eyes, questioning your idea of living in a three-way situationship. Yet, every day you spent with Vic and Ethan, felt better than any experience you ever had with other people. Days turned into weeks, and somehow you spent over three months with them. Your relationship grew stronger, and you joked about being a throuple. Your insecurity made you have a serious talk with them, where you established that you’ll try being exclusive. At least when it comes to something more serious. They both agreed, reassuring you of their love for you. As unnatural as it felt, you were finally happy, feeling loved and safe with two people you started loving dearly. It was beautiful, so beautiful that you missed the dark clouds on the horizon.  

Knocking at your door woke you up from an afternoon nap. You rubbed your eyes and sat up, trying to find your phone. Three missed calls from Vic. You unlocked the door and opened them while yawning.

2. CRACKS

“Oh, it’s you! Hey, gorgeous.” You smiled and let her in. 

“Hey…sorry, you weren’t answering and… Did I wake you up?” Vic looked tense, squeezing the belt of her bag. 

“Yeah, a sleepless night. But don’t worry, I’m better now. You smiled and let her kiss you softly. 

“Well, you look adorable.” She smiled and stroked your hair before sighing loudly.

“So what’s so urgent? You look a little nervous.” You sat down with a frown. 

“Right…do you have any plans for a next month?” She asked, biting her lip.

“Next…what?” You crossed your arms on your chest. 

“You work online, so I thought that maybe… Ahhh, I’m sorry, I should’ve explained.” She chuckled nervously and sat next to you. “Next week we're going on that tour we told you about, for a whole month, and I wanted to ask if you’ll go with me.” She blurted out.

“With you? I mean…yes, I’d love to. It shouldn’t be a problem with my work, but…are you sure about that? Was that a mutual decision?” You moved closer and took her shaky hands in yours. 

“Of course I’m sure! The boys said they’re fine with that, it’s not unusual for us to bring someone on tour. And I want to take you.” She smiled.

“Wait…you keep talking about yourself, what about Ethan?” She looked down. “Vic? Is something wrong?”

“Fuck, I don’t know how to say this… Ethan wanted to bring his friend. He was excited when I asked about you, but apparently… Maybe he should talk to you about this.” She leaned back with a sigh. 

“Vic, talk to me, please.” You bit your lip, feeling a slight pinch in your chest.

“Recently he got in touch with his ex-friend. I refuse to call her otherwise. He said he wanted to spend some time with her, but that's it. As friends. If you’re not OK with that, we can talk to him…” 

“No. That’s alright. I’m not exactly excited about it, but if she’s a friend…” You took a deep breath. “From what you said, I feel like you don’t exactly like her.”

“God no. She’s pretty manipulative, and I watched him cry because of her too many times to like her. But it’s his choice.” She sighed, sliding down, placing her head in your lap. You leaned down to kiss her temple and wrapped your arms around her. 

“I’m sorry baby. But if that’s any comfort, I’d love to come with you. And if she’s mean to him, we can always add hair removal cream to her shampoo.” You whispered into her ear. Vic chuckled.

“My evil witch.” She booped your nose and turned on her side, kissing your thigh softly. 

The next few days went by surprisingly quickly. Eventually, Ethan showed up and shared the news about his friend. You wanted to act hurt and make him regret his choice, but when it came to it, you realized how immature and childish that would be. He reassured you of his love and spent a night with you before the first flight. 

He smoothed your worries, yet they came back as soon as you saw Her. She looked confident, had a big smile plastered on her face, and what made you wince the most was how his face lit up when he saw her. She jumped into his arms and kissed his face with loud, high-pitched noises. Vic watched you, which you noticed from the corner of your eye. She stepped closer and wrapped her arm around you.

“She’s insufferable, but a friend. He promised.” She kissed your cheek and grabbed the handle of your luggage. “Come on, I need a hot bath…with you.” 

After freshening up a little, you hoped to see Ethan. But his room was empty, and as Thomas informed you, he went out with Her. You got back to your room and cuddled into Vic.

“I shouldn’t be jealous, why am I acting so stupid?” You whispered into the crook of her neck.

“Because he’s more stupid and can’t see that it was a bad idea. But she’ll remind him why he wanted her out of his life. Just wait.” She kissed you softly. “Maybe we should grab dinner together? I won’t miss a chance to have a date in Paris with you.” Vic caressed your cheek.

On your way back, you kept drunkenly giggling, getting touchy and smearing each other’s lipsticks with sloppy kisses on the hotel corridors. You suddenly got quiet while walking past Ethan’s room. Even through the thick door, you could hear the loud moans and screams coming from inside his room. You gasped, pressing your hand to your chest. Vic grabbed your arm, her jaw clenched.

“Come…please!” She hissed, pulling you towards her room. 

As she closed the door with a loud bang, she grabbed your face, smearing your tears with her thumbs, and looking deeply into your eyes. 

“It’s just sex, she’s just another whore for the night, he doesn’t love her…” She held your head, which you kept shaking in disapproval. She gripped you more firmly. “He doesn’t love her!” You could swear her eyes started watering as well. 

Vic pulled you closer into a rough and messy kiss, moving onto your neck and chest, leaving love bites and lipstick stains all over. She moved you onto the bed, pushed her knee between your legs and snuck her hand in your underwear. You spent the next hour having the wildest and roughest sex, after which you immediately fell asleep, not having the energy to worry about anything any more. With your half-closed eyes, you saw Vic watching you, wiping her eyes and bouncing her leg.

After the gig in Paris, you managed to talk to Ethan. He kept avoiding eye contact, making sure his hair cover his back, covered in deep, red scratches. You watched him with empty eyes and excused yourself as soon as She walked into the room backstage. 

The next stop was London. You got your hopes up, knowing that she couldn’t come there because of an invalid visa. During the dinner at the hotel restaurant, you sat next to Ethan and tried to hold his hand. He winced.

“Sorry.” He smiled apologetically, taking your hand in his and kissing it softly. 

“I thought that we could go out, maybe grab some drinks?” You said, gently squeezing his hand. 

“Oh…wish you told me earlier. I wanted to meet with my buddy who lives here.” With his words, you eased your grip. Vic coughed and put down her glass with a loud clink. 

“He's back in town? Just in time.” She scoffed, making Ethan frown.

“I haven't seen him in months, I’m sure you both understand.” He looked at you softly. “I’m happy that you’re here.”

“Are you though?” You asked, taking your hand away, grabbing your drink and downing it in one gulp. 

“Of course I am, don’t be silly.” He leaned in and kissed your temple. “We’ll hang out later, I promise.” 

After the dinner, he vanished, like many times before. You took a long, bubble bath with Vic and got comfortable in bed, cuddled up. She woke up in the middle of the night, drenched in sweat, with a high fever. Thankfully, they had one more day before the gig, which she promised to spend tucked into bed, sipping the ginger-lemon mixture you made for her. 

“I love you, but it’s disgusting…” She winced and took another sip from the steaming cup. 

“Well, I don’t care. It works. You’re really not made for this weather, aren’t you.” You pressed your hand to her forehead and glanced at the clock. “Time for more paracetamol.” 

“Damn it, I had such fun things planned for us today.” She sighed and took the pill from you. “Please just go out with the boys, they promised to take good care of you.” She took a big gulp of water.

“I’m not sure if they even like me…” You mumbled, holding her cup in your hands.

“Nonsense, of course, they do. It was their idea.” She sent you a warm smile before falling back onto the pillows. “I need another nap…” She mumbled. 

“Sleep. I’ll leave you and go with them if that idea makes you happy. But please stay in bed.” You leaned in and kissed her head.

“I’ll be a good girl.” She mumbled, pulling the duvet over her back. 

Vic was right, you actually spent a really nice day with Damiano and Thomas, going through the best second-hand shops in London. You finally managed to talk to them and get a little closer. 

“I have no idea why he dragged this bitch along if he has you…” Thomas mumbled while pushing another chip into his mouth.

“Thom, come on…” Damiano scolded him. “Well, she’s not exactly liked by anyone but Ethan, but what can we do? Let’s watch him getting tired of her ass. Again.” Damiano rolled his eyes and winked at you. Only then you realized how much you were frowning. The idea of Her alone was giving you wrinkles.

You got back to your room with a bag full of candy for Vic. After a quick shower, ingesting all vitamins and meds you gave her, she devoured a whole pack of sour gummies and fell asleep. You kissed her cheek and made sure she was tightly wrapped in the blankets. The light in the room was dimmed, but you could see enough to make your way to the small table with a wine bottle. You poured yourself some and took a big sip. The moon was shining bright, the night was very peaceful. Almost too peaceful. You glanced at Vic and wrapped yourself in a big blanket, before going out on a balcony, to enjoy your wine in the moonlight. 

Watching people hurry to their next bar of choice, laughs, and occasional fights between lovers kept you entertained for a long while. Just as you were about to go back inside, you noticed a familiar figure. Ethan was standing on the pavement with some blond guy. They were really close, and suddenly Ethan pulled the guy by his shirt and kissed him. You gasped quietly as his companion tangled hands in Ethan’s hair, turning the kiss into a rough and sloppy mess. You bit your lip hard and went back inside. What seemed like a peaceful day, turned into another sleepless night. 

“I’m sorry baby… I think I know who that was.” Vic said softly, stroking your back the next morning. “Why is he acting like such a dickhead. I get hookups, but he could be more discreet, or at least admit to what he’s doing. What is this?!” Her cheeks got red, this time it wasn’t the fever.

The gig went very well, Vic was back in shape and kept praising your healing mixtures and English gummies. Ethan walked up to you after the gig and kissed you roughly. You were taken aback and gasped into the kiss. 

“Fuck, I missed those lips…” He mumbled, his sweaty chest glistening in the harsh lights of the backstage room. Yet all you could focus on were the dark love bites on his neck.

“Well, I was here all along.” You sent him a pale smile.

Later that night he came over to your room, as you and Vic were getting ready for bed. He stayed the night, showing you both how much pent-up energy he had. He was rough, almost angry, and you loved it. When you finished, he went out for a smoke and left you and Vic alone in the bedroom. Vic kept staring at him through the window for a long while, before turning her attention to you.

“He’s rarely this rough. His mind was elsewhere.” She said quietly. “Fuck…does it hurt?” She gently touched your bruised wrists.

“No…maybe a little.” you looked to the side and felt her warm fingers on your neck. “Cazzo…” She mumbled, and after seeing her face you knew he left more marks. 

“It’s alright, I’m not in pain Vic!.” You yelled after her as she wrapped herself in a blanket. She slammed the balcony door to muffle what she was saying. You could hear bits of it. Ethan threw his cigarette on the ground and rushed back inside. 

“Did…did I hurt you?” He sat at the edge of the bed, staring at your wrists with big eyes.

“It’s alright, there’s no need to make a big fuss…”

“Perhaps if your mind was here with us, not with god knows who, you wouldn’t go so hard and noticed what you’re doing?! I have marks too, and I need to perform in a few days!”

Ethan dropped his head and kissed your hands.

“I’m sorry, so, so sorry. It will never happen again.” He looked at you with teary eyes. 

Ethan’s face managed to melt even Vic’s anger. You got back to bed, and he covered every mark he made with a thousand kisses, gently massaging your skin. You fell asleep in a cuddle pile, like back in the good old days.

The next stop was in Barcelona. You knew who was about to join you, and you hated the idea of seeing Her again. But after the previous night, you wanted to believe that something in Ethan's mind has changed. You arrived at the hotel and went out for a late dinner. She wasn't there.

“Is it possible that someone stole her ID?” Thomas said at the table. Quietly, so that Ethan wouldn't hear, but loud enough to make you and Damiano chuckle.

“I'm afraid that's not the case. I saw her name under the guest's list in Ethan's room.” He cleared his throat and got back to eating. You felt Thomas' eyes on you for a long minute. He sighed and poured you some more wine. 

The next day you woke up to Vic's grunt. You rolled on your side and saw her pressing a pillow to her face.

“I'm not sure if you can suffocate yourself like that. If you wanted to get a little kinky, all you had to do was wake me up.” You moved closer and took away her pillow, exposing her flustered face. “Hey.” You said. 

She smiled back and opened her mouth to speak. Vic was brutally interrupted by the noises coming from the room next door.

“Fuck me harder!"

"You've gotta be kidding me!" Vic yelled and sat up angrily.

"What's…whose room is that?" You asked, knowing the answer damn well.

Your question was answered by a loud grunt which you knew all too well. Ethan. You felt sick to your stomach. How much of what he was saying was a lie? He technically loved you, but had no time for you at all, and somehow forgot to mention that he will drag his ex-friend/lover with him, to screw her on the other side of your wall. You suddenly felt the anxiety flowing in your veins, making your head spin and heart pump faster. You clearly weren't enough. He needed something you couldn't give him, hell, maybe it wasn't just sex. Maybe you didn't know the whole truth and Ethan needed Her to feel truly happy. Maybe he loved her more, and you were just a rebound after he ditched her? Maybe you were a fun fuck he had in Rome, but not a permanent part of his life? Maybe he never wanted a relationship with you two? Why the hell he suddenly stopped acting like your boyfriend, why did he flinch when you touched him, why was he so rough and absent the last time you had sex, why, why, why?!

You quickly got off the bed and ran to the bathroom, feeling physically sick. Vic followed you and held your hair, stroking your back gently. She didn't have to ask any questions. She knew exactly what was wrong. You flushed and sat down heavily on the floor, with your eyes red and watery. You felt like your chest was about to explode.

"Shush cucciola. Take this." She handed you your anxiety pill and a glass of water. You smiled at her, wondering if Ethan would do the same.

Later that night Damiano and Thomas decided to go out together and take a late-night tour through the city. Ethan was nowhere to be found, which meant he was busy with someone else. Vic was basically babysitting you, seeing how poorly you were. She kept forcing you to hydrate, encouraged some small meals and kept handing you snacks throughout the day. She wouldn't let go of your hand, reassuring you of her love with gentle touches. Knowing what you might hear or witness in your room, she kept dragging you around the city, until it got dark.

"I have wine, grapes, and some cheese. I'm afraid this will have to be enough." She arrived at the big porch of the hotel, facing the beach. 

You could go straight down the stairs from the lobby onto the golden sand. You sat close to the barrier, to see the waves crashing quietly in the pale moonlight. Vic got you some blankets and opened the wine. 

"I'm really sorry about what happened. I wish he understood how we both feel and most importantly how you feel." She whispered, wrapping arms around you.

"I could tell him everything, be honest, but… Vic I don't want him to think I'm jealous. After all, he said she’s just a friend. I can't let my insecurities ruin what we have."

"She…they were dating. Well, I don't know if there was an official title, but he was obsessed with her. They were exclusive, and he never did that before her. Or after. Until we've met you."

You looked at her with a frown.

"So…what happened?" You asked, and took a big sip of wine, subconsciously knowing you might need it.

"She…" Vic chuckled ironically, "She fucked his childhood friend." You gasped

"But how…and now he's OK with that? That's why Thomas hates her so much?" 

"Yeah, it was their mutual friend, but Thomas was really close with him. He never forgot what she did. Bitch basically ruined Ethan for months."

"So you think they're more than friends now? You wouldn't be so pissed if it was otherwise would you."

Vic looked at you sadly in response.

They haven't even noticed you bundled up in the corner. Ethan and Her ran down the stairs onto the beach. Vic's grip around you tightened. Ethan kept chasing that girl, clearly trying to take back something she took from him. She kept waving with a notebook and making loud squeaky noises. You knew this notebook very well. He kept it as a diary and shown you its contents only once, to share with you the poem he wrote after your first night together. 

Ethan finally put her down on the sand and pinned her, holding her hands above her head.

"…you need to give me a kiss or…" 

"Such a pretty yet naughty girl, hmm?" He leaned down and kissed her. 

They rolled on the sand, she was now straddling him. He kept playing with her skirt, mumbling something you couldn't hear. Maybe for the better. You felt the hot tears rolling down your cheeks.

"I can't do it any more. All I can think of is that I'm not enough for him. You never made me feel this way, but for him, I'm clearly just a fun accessory. Look at them…you seriously think he still loves me the way he did a month ago?"

Vic didn't respond for a long while. She kissed your temple.

"What do you want to do?" She asked with a trembling voice. 

"I need a break, go back home, clear my head. We'll talk when you're back." You said, feeling your throat tightening. 

"Maybe…maybe it was too good to be true. Maybe you were right." She whispered, swallowing back the tears. "I love you, but I can't give you the love of two people. No matter how much I want to make up for whatever this idiot is doing." 

You turned to her and cupped her face.

"You don't deserve to be struggling like this. Maybe it was a beautiful mistake. Beautiful, but a mistake." 

You got back to your room, and she helped you to pack your bags. The next flight to Rome was in over four hours, so you decided not to waste any minute. She ordered a taxi and went with you. She stood there in tears at the security check, watching you with pain. 

"Let me know when you're back from Berlin, OK? Please. Vic?"

She just held you, unable to articulate how sorry she was. Her tears stained your shirt, her nails were pinned to your back. 

"I'll let you know. Safe travels." She kissed you softly.

3. FALLING APART

You woke up with a small gasp, sitting up on the bed. The construction site next door didn't let you sleep for long. You rubbed your eyes and saw the dark smudges on your hands. You forgot to take off your makeup. A few moments later you realized why. You weren't in your bed, not even in your flat. Next to you were a man and a woman you met last night at the club. After glancing at him and seeing his long, dark hair, you understood every decision that led you to fucking them last night. 

You slowly and as quietly as possible slipped out of bed. You collected your clothes but gave up on your panties which were nowhere to be found. You got dressed, made your face look semi-presentable, or at least kinda clean, and left the building. You felt the dirty looks people were throwing at you, the judgemental comments muttered under their breaths. You couldn't care less. Your soul and heart were in pieces and for once you've decided not to judge yourself on how your body decided to cope.

Vic walked away, and you could still feel her salty tears on your lips. A painful reminder of your failed little paradise.

You got back to your flat and kicked the heels away. A long hot bath, painkillers for a hangover and some food finally helped you to feel more human again. At least for a few hours. As you were finishing up the leftover pasta, trying to catch up on a new episode of your favourite show, your phone started ringing. Vic.

"Hey" you mumbled, wiping the cream sauce off your lips.

"Hi, sorry I hope I'm not interrupting…" she mumbled incoherently.

"No, not at all. I'm just being lazy." You said in a tone that sounded oddly cheerful and fake.

"Well, we're in Rome…do you want to grab a drink? Just me, promise." 

You were ashamed to admit that you hadn't even thought that someone else might join you. Ethan hasn't sent you a single message since you left Spain. Not a message, no missed calls. Nothing, absolutely no contact at all. You were grieving, which was clearly working, judging by your reaction to her words.

"Oh, that's fine. Yeah, I'd love to see you. The usual? At seven?"

"Perfect. See you tomorrow." She finished the conversation fast, probably not sure what she could possibly add. Mentioning anything else would mean talking about Ethan, and none of you was ready for it.

When you've met, your heart quickly reminds you how much Vic meant in your life. You talked for hours, and after a few drinks moved to her flat. She kissed you the moment the doors got closed. Your hands were eagerly wandering over her body, sliding her clothes off her. Just as she was getting down to tug on your underwear, the lock clicked and someone got in.

"Vic? I wasn’t expecting to see you here. Weren't you going to visit…oh. Hey." Ethan stood there, struggling to form sentences after he saw you. Currently topless. You grabbed a top and put it on to keep some dignity.

"Look who showed up! Perfect fucking timing, as always!" Vic got up and put her top back on as well.

"My flat flooded while we were gone. You allowed me to crash here for a few days, remember? ." He threw the keys on the table. 

"You tend to crash things, you have a real talent." She scoffed. Vic's drunk thoughts were dangerously honest. 

You felt like a witness to a train wreck that was about to take place in front of your eyes. And it was now way too late to do anything about it. 

"Oh I'm sorry, I'm fucking things up all the time? Please. You got almost too fucking drunk to play in Berlin, and whose fault was that, princess?!"

"I was a mess because you fucked up hard enough for her to leave!" She yelled and pointed at you.

"Not my fault that you both imagined something that wasn't there!" He screamed.

Neither of you knew what exactly he was talking about. Your love or the fact that he picked Her over you two. Ethan seemed angry, but equally confused, only now realizing how it sounded. Vic shook her head, grabbed her jacket and left, slamming the door behind her.

"You meant us, didn't you." You said quietly, feeling your tears forming.

"I…you both were so vile towards my friend. You think I couldn’t hear your comments and the looks you were throwing her? I really wanted us to have a nice time, I wanted to save it all, have her and you and…"

"So I wasn't enough, huh." Tears rolled down your cheeks. "Fucking say it, Ethan, I wasn't enough! I was only a fun fuck, which apparently you need in every city you go to. Besides Rome, I was useless!" 

"How can you say shit like that! I loved you!" 

"Loved?" You asked quietly, your voice cracked.

"Love…you know what I meant." He mumbled, rubbing his face.

"Yeah, I think I know exactly what you meant." You shook your head, and grabbed your bag, ready to leave. “You love me so hard that you haven’t sent a single message since I left.”

"Fuck, please don't go! Please?!" He grabbed your hand and pulled you back in. You let him. “I didn’t reach out, I wanted to give you time. Stay, please.”

"What, is there more painful shit you want me to hear? What, fucking Her was better too? She's prettier, more confident, and maybe even doesn't have anxiety, she’s low maintenance. Just admit that I was your second choice, a backup! Unlike the perfect slut for Mr Torchio!"

"Shut up! Please! Don't make me sound like a fucking monster that I'm not!" 

You winced at his scream and widened your eyes. At that moment you hated him so much, yet your body was telling a completely different story. Something about the sense of impending doom made you crave him, this one last time. 

"Of course I love you, in my own way. I love talking to you, your voice, your eyes, your smile, your silly brain. I fucking love your body and sex with you was always amazing. Don't try to tell me I must think otherwise." 

He moved closer, making you take a step backwards till your ass hit the door. His perfume hit your nostrils, the scent of his shampoo, the cigarette smoke, the leather of his shoes. Your mind was going crazy.

"And even now, as much as I'd like to strangle you for what you just said, I'd fuck the soul out of you if I could."

You gasped quietly, making him smirk.

"Something tells me you wouldn't mind that at all. You want me to show you how angry you made me? How much I'd love to humble you and remind you how good it felt when I was inside of you?"

You nodded, completely giving up and letting your instincts take over. Ethan gripped your chin and kissed you roughly, pushing his tongue into your mouth. He gripped your breast and squeezed it hard, pushing his leg between your thighs. You whined and started playing with his belt, trying to unbuckle it with your hands. You missed his body, his touch, the attention he was giving you. Ethan pulled your underwear down and helped you undo his trousers. He set his cock free and gave himself a few pumps. He was already hard and wet from precum, twitching against your thigh. Ethan hooked your leg over himself and slid his cock inside with a loud grunt. His wild eyes were hooded and pinned into your face, turned into a grimace of pleasure. He started thrusting fast, causing you some pain from the stretch, but making you see the stars at the same time. Ethan gripped your throat with one hand, holding you steady with the other. You were both aggressive, loud and desperate, chasing your release. You screamed loudly, clenching around his cock. He came soon after you with a moan, making sure his cum was deep inside you. You kept panting, watching him with a pink face and parted lips. He kissed you softly, slipping out of you, letting his cum drip down your thighs. Ethan pressed his forehead to yours and whispered:

"I fucking love you, and I probably always will. But I can't give you what you need and the way you need it. Maybe I'm too scared, or maybe I simply can't. Maybe I’m built different. Maybe it's for the best if we go separate ways."

You wanted to scream, cry, or punch him for saying that. But you knew he was right. 

"It was too good to be true, but at least for a moment it was perfect." You said with teary eyes.

He smiled at your words, pulled his pants back on, kissed your forehead and left.

***

A few weeks had passed since you split up. Vic and you decided to try an exclusive relationship. And partially because of that, you became a natural part of the group – attended some events, local gigs, and parties and got closer with Thomas and Damiano. You gained new friends, memories and a loving girlfriend. It was all going so well, Vic gave you the warmth you were craving and helped you to understand what a healthy relationship can look like. Of course, you were happy, but some days were rough and all you could think about was Ethan. The memories kept coming back in dreams, familiar sounds and smells. Vic understood. She wasn’t jealous, mad and never questioned your feelings for her. She was grieving too, in her own way.

From what you've heard, Ethan also became serious with Her. You wish you could say you were surprised.  You could swear that every time you saw Ethan, he was looking very sad, and distant, with his head in the clouds. Once when you kissed Vic at one party, he stormed out of the room, his new girl was chasing him, spilling her entire drink on the floor. You’ve heard some bits and pieces of conversations between Vic and the boys, who kept saying that Ethan constantly goes back to the months spent with you two. Often as funny anecdotes or whenever he was tipsy, but usually after even mentioning you he was vanishing in his room to listen to depressing songs. 

At last, January arrived, and with it Damiano's birthday. It was a surprisingly warm night, and after a long party, the boys made a big fireplace in the garden of their band house. You curled up on one sunbed with Vic, tightly wrapped in blankets. Thomas and Damiano were across from you, and Ethan with Her right beside you. The sky was clear and studded with stars. You laid there peacefully, listening to Thomas playing some soft melodies on his guitar. Ethan was gazing at the stars, and you were pretty sure that you saw tears shining in his eyes.

"God, I wish you would look at me like that." His girl suddenly spoke, making Damiano snicker. 

"Yeah, I know," Ethan replied coldly, making all four of you turn your heads towards him.

"Well, why aren't you?" She asked, her tone got a little more serious yet still remained playful.

"There are only two women I could look at like that". Vic gasped at his words, so quietly that only you could hear it.

"Come on…you mean your sisters, right?” She nervously glanced at you and Vic. Thomas stopped playing and Damiano stared at you with wide eyes.

"No," Ethan said calmly.

"Why didn't you say it's me?" She was getting more and more mad, losing control over the usual, overtly sweet tone of her voice. Ethan kept looking at the sky.

"Because I never loved you. And I never will." 

Even the crickets and owls shut up at this point. The girl made a series of noises, like a child whose toy had been stolen. She stormed off while cursing under her breath, mumbling something about wasting her time. Thomas and Damiano stood up and cleared their throats.

"We should…yeah." Damiano winked at you and dragged Thomas back inside. As soon as they disappeared, Ethan spoke.

"It's you. It's always been you. My life is so miserable without you in it." Ethan sat up and looked at you with tears rolling down his cheeks. "I've been so stupid and scared of how much I feel for both of you…"

You and Vic both stood up and walked closer to him. You sat beside him, trapping him between your bodies.

"We've all been stupid. Or maybe not stupid, just…we expected a paradise to last. Maybe it doesn't have to be perfect. 

You caressed his cheek and kissed him softly. Vic kept stroking his hair. 

“I wish I never invited her for that damn trip, I wish I understood quicker how it must've hurt you. I wanted us to be exclusive, but it was so scary. I didn’t want to lose myself and my freedom. Only when I lost you, I finally understood what I value even more.” He said, and started crying. 

You looked at Vic, her eyes were wet, she kept biting on her lip. 

“Ethan, we love you. So dearly. We never stopped.”

“Never.” Vic interrupted you and smiled. 

“Maybe we just had to grow up a little, we had to fuck up to fully commit.” You said and wrapped your arm around him.

“I want to try again…if you want it too.” He sniffled and looked at you with red eyes.

“I do, I really do.” Vic smiled more and cuddled into his side.

“I kept dreaming of this, of course I want it.” You said, feeling the hot tear rolling down your cheek.

Ethan wrapped his arms around you two, cuddling you both close to his chest. His heart was pounding fast. Ethan kissed your heads and looked up at the starts, sighing deeply.

"We don't need this to be perfect. We have each other, and as long as we do, it will always be good enough.”

********

tåglist: @thewitchinthemountain @8iunie @tempobrucera @coven-daddy @bethanysnow @writingmaneskin  @blackberryblossom @hiraetheral @theimpossiblehologramtree @ilwiwbysmv @weareoddlydrawn @jrj2 @bieberhoodforever @chesirecatt @que--sera--sera @iamtashaquinn @butkutee @ohdamiano @stardustingold @woahzz11 @cuzimitaliano @thegeminisgirl @bisexual-babygirl-mj @maneslut  @eliseline @dpaccione @xweirdxsceletton @agentreid2 @roisinlove123 @vicdeangelis @ohladymoon @ykaaarus @androgynouscloudenemy   @lovelyy-moonlight @anaislfbv @DarcyMåneWinx @esposadomd @chiaraxtargaryen @flowerfeastrry @mandy-bo-bandy @itsbearss @woddiemmi @sournatromanoff @lavendernlemons

[writersblockiskillingme]

Måneskin Masterlist

✭ - smut

♡ - fluff

➳ - angst

۵ - hurt/comfort

°

Damiano David

If Not For You - As Damiano goes away on the tour with his band mates he has to deal with leaving his home behind. You. [۵♡]

Timezone - As Damiano and you are forced to be apart, you both slowly start to feel like you're loosing your mind. [۵♡]

Jealousy Game - You were ready for a lot of things, but you weren't ready for a woman at the competition you were attending to flirt with your secret boyfriend. [۵♡]

Papà - You woke up in the middle of the night just so that you realize that Damiano is not with you, but don't worry. You know where to find him. [♡]

Three Makes a Group - After bringing up the idea of group sex to your boyfriend Ethan, you have to deal with the consequences of your dirty mind. [✭]

How It's Supposed To Look Like - After being abused by your ex, you finally tell Damiano what happened and he shows you how the loving relationship should really be like. [➳۵♡✭]

Only Angel - You were in love with him for a very long time, but you didn't know that he loved you back. Until he decided to do something about it. [♡✭➳]

Thomas Raggi

Torna A Casa - Song that was promised to his one and only that he met on a lonely day in park in Italy. [➳۵]

Ethan Torchio

Three Makes a Group - After bringing up the idea of group sex to your boyfriend Ethan, you have to deal with the consequences of your dirty mind. [✭♡]

[wonderlandishell]

Windows down, scream along

Damiano David/Victoria De Angelis/Thomas Raggi/Ethan Torchio, Damiano David/Victoria De Angelis

Polyamory / Coming of Age / Friends with Benefits / Friends to Lovers

They grow up and grow into love.

Read on ao3

[cuzimitaliano]

Random Måneskin Screenshots Part I Don't Know

[taste-your-silhouette]

 I still don't have a long list to call a masterlist, but I'll be updating this post with my fics as I post them here on tumblr (when I have more time and more fics, I'll make this list look prettier)

Say you'll see me again even if it's just in your wildest dreams  vic x fem!reader (Fluff & Smut)

I'm gonna fly straight to you  damiano x fem!reader (Fluff)

If not for you  damiano x fem!reader (Fluff)

I want to dance on your body    damiano x fem!reader (Smut)

Apri la vela, dai, viaggia leggera    damiano x fem!reader (Fluff & Angst) -  request

I’m seeing you in a whole new light  ethan torchio x fem!reader (Fluff)

I just wanna hold you close tonight  damiano x fem!reader (Fluff)

I wanna paint your face like you’re my Mona Lisa    damiano x fem!reader (Smut)