#even back when i actively tried to get an apprenticeship - why take the bad stupid foreigner if you can have Ueli?

[liberty-spiked]

sometimes i think my department boss riles me up on purpose. today he just randomly started talking about how back at another job he talked with his coworkers about how much they all earn. fuck, the swiss people obv earned up to twice as much for the same work and hours. like, why die he tell us that? dont make us angry on purpose man :(

[rainydayhogwartsimagines]

I normally don't send requests cause I think I'm bad at explaining what I want to ask. But I was wondering if you would do a fred x potter!reader where fred is older than her. And she is realizing that she has a crush on the older boy. Yeah you can take it anywhere.

oh I have plans for this one

set in a non voldy AU

You were Harry's little sister, one year younger than him. He and you were close for the most part but something about this year was different. This was the year you were going to Hogwarts. James of course was excited to see his little girl go off to his school that he made plenty of fond memories.

For the most part you were excited. Until people started associating you with things your brother had done. "Way to go Potter, couldn't stop your brother from sneaking into the woods again?" "we lost fourty house points because of your stupid brother!" was just the beginning of the things that you heard. The worst part? You shared the same house as him. Therefore when he lost points, they blamed you for being unable to stop him. It got worse though when he retaliated against Draco after a colorful insult was thrown at him. Slytherins decided the best way to retaliate was to go for you. So prank after prank, fight after fight you were tormented and teased.

You kept this from Harry though, no one really aware of the situation until one of the pranks backfired horribly. Pansy fucking Parkinson. She did this, shoving you into the lake when you were near it. The problem? Mermaids. Ginny saw this and ran over, ultimately saving your life. She told Mcgonagall what happened, Pansy getting in trouble while you were mostly traumatized from even walking near the lake. You walked in, wrapped in a blanket and soaked. Ginny walked in behind you. "I'll make us some tea okay? Try to relax." She said. Fred and George looked up as you shivered. "What happened?" Harry asked. "You did!" You snapped. "Me?" "You think just because your a quidditch star you can do things just to get away with it! Well I've been dealing with the consequences for months! People keep blaming me for what you've done and I'm sick of it!" You snapped. Fred frowned. "Who did this?" He asked. "Slytherin." Ginny said. "George." Fred called, the two walking out. "I didn't know." Harry muttered as you got up and went to your dorm. "She's upset Harry... She'll cool off." Hermione said.

Fred and George both took it upon themselves to prank all of Slytherin to get back at everything they did to you. Pansy Parkinson? Was pissed. She walked into the Great Hall, angrily walking over to you. "YOU!" She snapped. "Me?" You asked. "DON'T PLAY DUMB POTTER" she snapped. "What did I do!?" You asked. "YOU PUT A SMOKE BOMB IN THE COMMON ROOM!" she yelled. "I don't even know how to get to your common room!" You said. "Oh come now Parkinson, surely you know a Weasley prank when you see one!" Fred said standing up. "You sent your Lackeys to pick up your mess, typical Potter!" Draco snorted. "I didn't--" "She didn't send us. But let the record show that if you mess with her again, we will end you." George said, putting a protective hand on your shoulder as Fred put his hand on your other. "Mark my words Weasley, you're going down." Pansy hissed. "Looking forward to it you insufferable git." Fred said, tipping an invisible hat to you.

Fred and George managed to get the heat away from you, but now they seemed to want to spend a lot of time with you. Both of the boys realized they didn't know you as well as they should've so they started walking you to classes, sitting with you and Ginny at lunch, they seemed to take some sort of liking to you. You however chose to ignore them, figuring the only reason they spoke to you was because of Harry. However, one day George cracked a joke. It was a stupid one, the punchline being a pun about a skeleton, but you laughed. Fred almost found that little laugh of yours to be... Cute.

The first year was coming to a close, it being the last week of school. You were sitting on the couch one late night, looking at the fire in the fire place. Fred sat next to you and you didn't say anything. "So we've completed another year." Fred said. You nodded. "You start your second year. You'll have a lot more activities available to you, think you'll try out for Quidditch?" He asked. "Hell. No." You said. "I'm not even sure I want to come back here next year." You muttered. "What? Why?" Fred asked. "Everyone cares about who my brother is. No one knows anything about me, no one has tried to know." you muttered. "Me, Ginny and George have." he said. "Try not to fret on what other people say Y/n. You want an identity outside of 'Harry's sister'? Make one for yourself. If me and George cared about what other people said all the time we would not be the legends we are now." he said simply. "....That's... Why do you care?" You asked. "Because we don't want you to go." Ginny said walking in. "We actually like you." George said sitting next to you. "....Okay... I'll stay." you nodded. "Aye! she stays!" Fred said, playfully roughing up your hair and making you laugh.

The school year came to a close, you and Harry going home. Two weeks in to summer though, Lily announced that you and Harry would spend the summer at the Burrow. "wait wait wait. Harry AND me?" You asked. "Apparently Ginny, Fred and George all want to see you too." Lily nodded. "But what about you and dad? or uncle Padfoot, Moony and Wormtail?" you asked. "We will visit you two, we all have work though honey." Lily assured. "Promise?" you asked. "I promise you we will write, visit, do you want smoke signals too?" James asked making Lily roll her eyes.

So you spent the summer at the Burrow, having the time of your life with Fred and George, actually becoming very close with them. The second school year started and you actually seemed to enjoy it, spending a lot of your free time with Hagrid and the substitute teacher for Quirrell... Uncle Moony. This year, Hagrid was to take care of a dragon for Fred's brother. It was sick, Charlie being unable to cure it. He figured Hagrid would have better luck so he sent it to him. You helped Hagrid out all the time so Hagrid decided that you should give it a shot. Well something you did worked because the dragon was better in no time. Which prompted a LONG letter to Fred about his best friend and asking for information about you. "IS SHE HOPING TO HAVE A CAREER WORKING WITH MAGICAL CREATURES, PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF MERLIN SAY YES!" or "IS SHE SMART? WHAT AM I SAYING OF COURSE SHE'S SMART" were just a few of the many pages he sent.

"Okay, what did you do to get my brother to like you?" Fred asked, setting the thick envelope next to you as he sat down. "What?" you asked. "My brother Charlie messaged all of us questioning who you were and if you wanted to work with dragons." George explained. "Wait what do you mean, all of you?" you asked. "All of us." Ginny, Ron, Fred and George all said. "Seriously, what did you do?" George asked. "Well... Charlie sent Hagrid a sick dragon, he couldn't seem to cure it. I've been helping Hagrid so once Hagrid seemed to fail they asked me to at least try... Something I did worked because Blaze was shipped back this morning and he's okay." you explained. "Think you'll answer him?" George asked Fred. Fred looked at you and then the letter. "Do you want a career with magical creatures?" he asked. Harry rose a brow and noticed you ponder this before nodding. "Yeah. I think I do." you nodded.

So Fred answered the questions, sending a letter back to his brother. Two weeks later you were sitting in the Great Hall, talking to George when the doors opened and this wild looking homeless guy ran in. And he ran up to you. You jumped back before Fred choked on his drink. "CHARLIE!?" He and George gasped. "This is Charlie!? I thought he was homeless! or a crazy guy! or both!" you gaped. "Tell me I've got the right kid." He said. "Would you slow down Mister Weasley, we all need to have a long discussion about what's best for Y/n." Remus halted. "Right! Your office or Hagrid's?" Charlie asked. Remus looked at you and then Charlie. "Alright. Mine." Remus sighed before you three walked off. "What does your brother want with my sister?" Harry asked. "I have no idea." Ron answered. " I think I know." Ginny muttered.

Well that summer you ended up apart of a apprenticeship. Was Lily thrilled for you to be working close with dangerous creatures in a foreign country? no. But you seemed to be working towards a goal which she was proud of. So you spent your summer in Romania with Charlie and his many, many, many, MANY dragons. Due to the fact that the postal service in Romania was less than stellar though, no one had heard from you except James and Lily who was checking in with officials regularly.

By the beginning of the year, you still were missing by the first dinner. Until George noticed you walk out of the faculty door near the table. Fred locked onto you. You looked... Different. Your hair was longer, your eyes were brighter and you seemed.... more mature. You didn't have to do anything, you didn't have to say anything to voice the newfound maturity, it was in the way you stood and carried yourself. You were wearing this leather type armor, standing there with a small grin as Charlie emerged from the door behind you.

"What's Charlie doing here?" Ron asked. "No clue, this is the first I've seen Y/n with my own eyes since she left for Romania." Harry said. "We thought you wrote to her." Ginny said. "Tried, the mailing in Romania is bad. Something definitely happened over there though. Mum and Dad took off in a hurry that one week, it's why I was with you guys for those few weeks of summer." Harry explained. Fred rose a brow, noticing a mark on your neck... It was almost like Remus's scar. He wasn't sure if what he was seeing was actually a scar though, seeing as the armor seemed to cover most of your body.

Charlie leaned over, whispering in your ear and you nodded before whispering something back. Charlie seemed to resist laughing at something you said before you walked over and sat down. "Hey guys, how was your summer?" You asked. Harry blinked. "....Anything else to add to that?" He asked. "...Uh... Nice to see you bro?" you asked. "...How about 'hey, so I'm wearing armor the first day I'm at school' or something!" Harry huffed. "Actually I have to wear this on the job, metal armor gets too hot and the leather actually works really well for dragons who are teething." you explained. "You've spent too much time with Charlie." Ginny observed. "What was it like?" Harry asked. "I thought mum and dad would've told you, they were in Romania the last two weeks...?" You said confused. "Wait, back up, your parents left too?" George asked. You blinked. "Yeah, why?" you asked. "Dad left pretty damn quick to Romania a week ago, so did our brother Bill." George pointed out. "Oh... We had an... incident." you coughed.

"What incident?" Fred asked. The Great Hall doors seemed to answer your silent prayers as they opened. Two large groups stood there, one in some powder blue uniform, the other wearing a red uniform. You recognized a few of the students in red and as they entered the room it was clear a few of them recognized you. You ducked your head down, hiding a bit from the boys. "Would the Durmstrang students please sit with Gryffindor and the Beauxbatons sit with Ravenclaw" Mcgonagall instructed. "shit." you muttered. "Rider?" A boy called. "Rider's here!?" Another boy asked. "Who is Rider?" Ron asked. "Afternoon, Rider." a voice said, sitting next to you. Both Ron and Harry looked as if their eyes were about to pop out of their heads. "There's no way that he's talking to--" "Hey Krum, how's it going?" you greeted, seeming like you were trying to avoid the odd nickname the boys called you by. "I didn't think you'd return to Hogwarts when I met you, I'm surprised." He said. "What? wanted me in Durmstrang?" you snorted. "Yes." students from Durmstrang all replied in unison. Fred rose a brow. "Wanna introduce us to your famous friend here Rider?" Fred asked. "Oh. Viktor, my best friends Fred, George and Ginny. Down there is my brother and his friends Ron and Hermione." You said. They all waved but Krum pointed at Hermione. "You were at the World Quidditch game." he commented.

She looked at Harry confused on how he'd be able to recognize her face considering they never met each other. You noticed that look in Krum's eyes. He found her to be attractive. "Wanna explain why a famous quidditch player knows you?" George asked as Krum seemed veered off in a conversation with Hermione. "Met him in Russia." you said. "You were in Romania?" Fred said confused. "Oh we were trailing a Ukrainian Ironbelly that decided to go rogue and long story short... I rode a dragon." You said. "Merlin's Beard your summer sounds exciting." Neville said. "Oh it was life changing." You laughed. "So think you'll stick with the whole dragon thing?" Ginny asked. "Oh hell yeah!" you said, biting into an apple. "so why is Durmstrang and Beauxbaton here?" Hermione asked. "Oh, we figured you knew. The Triwizard tournament." A boy answered.

Fred and George perked up. "The what?" Fred and George asked in unison. "The-- " "Hogwarts is proud to announce that we are holding the Triwizard tournament. Students third year and older may participate, we encourage all of you to put your names in the cup. Only one submission and there will be an age line around the cup to ensure the younger students do not try anything." Dumbledore announced. "Wicked." Fred and George said in unison. "I've missed that." you chuckled. "Missed us did you?" George teased. "Of course. You've made school barrable." You said with a smile. Fred felt it again. The strange warm feeling. You turned back to Ginny and Fred just looked at you as you carried on a full blown conversation with her.

The week carried on with you being called out of certain classes. You would disappear with Hagrid and reemerge with soot on your face or just not come back entirely. You didn't say a word to anyone as to why, not even Fred and George. "Wanna explain why you've been disappearing?" George asked. "Oh, Hagrid just needs help with his lessons." you lied. Course, Fred knew there was some truth to what you were saying. It was like the apprenticeship didn't end in Romania and simply picked back up with Hagrid.

The boys never pressed you any further on it but certainly questioned why a few ministry workers were also pulling you out of class, asking you questions. On top of the oddities you were always wearing a scarf or ensuring your neck was covered. Cedric Diggory asked about this once and got a half assed answer about the Whomping Willow. The group knew better though. Something definitely happened in Romania, what is was not even Harry knew. You walked into the common room at almost two in the morning, unaware of Fred still being awake as you tip toed towards your dorm. "Hold it." He halted. You froze and looked over. "What were you doing out this late?" He asked. "Hagrid. Again. Claimed he spotted a unicorn and wanted me to try to find it." you lied. "Cut the crap Y/n, what were you doing?" He asked. You huffed and sat down. "Ministry meeting." you said. "And you were at a ministry meeting because...?" He asked. "Because we're trying to hunt someone." you muttered. "We? Why are you involved in ministry business?" Fred asked. "Do you know who Fenrir Greyback is?" you asked. "The guy who's trying to make a 'werewolf army'?" Fred asked.

You nodded, a far off look in your eyes. "We found him." You muttered. Fred blinked. "What do you mean, 'we' found him?" He asked. You took off your scarf, undoing your tie and revealing a scar on your neck. "It's why mum and dad took off. Harry doesn't know because we all know he'll get way too worried and then try to do something himself." You muttered. "What happened?" Fred asked. You stared into the flames of the fireplace. "We were in Belgium, chasing a dragon." you began. "It took us through the mountains and before we could turn back it triggered an avalanche. We got stuck in a cave for about two days, me and Charlie had to go deeper to find an exit. Well, when we got to the other exit of the cave we found him, he was hunched over and feeding on a rabbit. He seemed like he was going to attack Charlie but... He saw me and changed his mind I guess." you answered. You shook your head and let out a long sigh. "We got lucky that the other part of our group found us and chased him off but by then the damage was done. The ministry has been asking questions since." you muttered. "Does it hurt?" Fred asked. "Only when I think about how I got it." you answered. Fred said nothing else and you figured he was just processing what he heard.

Instead he wrapped his arms around you and just... Held you. "Fred what are--" "Let me just... hold you for a bit. I may not be able to keep you safe when your off in places like Romania but at least when you're here I can protect you." He said. You relaxed in his gasp and laid against him. "I wouldn't be so sure about that, I'm usually waltzing with danger by this point." you said making him chuckle.

The next morning you two were found asleep on the couch against each other. "Oi. Lovebirds, Dumbledore's got an announcement." George said. You leaned up, realizing that you fell asleep on Fred. And that your tie was off. And that Harry's eyes were locked onto the scar. "Shit." You muttered. Fred leaned up and you sighed. "Harry--" "Don't explain. I probably do not want to know." He said. "Who gave that to you?" Ron asked. Harry tried avoiding looking at it but at his second glance he realized what they were. "forget what I said earlier, when the fuck did you meet a werewolf!?" Harry asked. The group all looked at him. "Harry." You sighed. "It wasn't... Him was it?" He asked. You frowned. "How could you even ask that!? No it wasn't Him!" You snapped. "I'm just trying to get answers!" he said. "And I'm not giving them to you, let's go see what Dumbledore wants." you said, retying your tie before walking out.

Harry however just walked and pestered you. George looked over at Fred who was watching you with this almost... sad look. "What happened last night?" George asked. "She's been through a lot George." Fred muttered. "...You like her." George realized. "What?" Fred asked. Oh poor Fred. The moron was so dense he didn't even realize that was the case. "I don't... I mean I... What?" Fred asked. "You like her." George repeated. "I don't--" You sat down in the Great Hall, Fred sitting across from you and whispering now to George. "I don't." he said.

Still though, when Dumbledore was speaking he heard none of it. Instead he was so focused on you and that damn scar. "Now for the Champions." Dumbledore cleared his throat. Dumbledore cleared his throat. Pieces of parchment flew out from the cup. "Viktor Krum." Dumbledore called. You clapped for your friend, seeming nervous though for some reason. "Fleur Delacour." again, you clapped but your expression seemed very worried. "Please, please, please." you whispered. "Y/n Potter." Dumbledore called. The whole table looked at you with a shocked glance as you seemed relieved and you walked over with the rest of the champions. "She put her--" "Name in the--" "Cup." Harry finished Ron and Ginny's thought.

You went to some sort of meeting for the champions but when you got back all of the Weasleys and Harry were standing there. "What in the hell were you thinking!?" Harry asked. "Gee, I need a new death experience this year." You said sarcastically. "Y/n, he has a point. You've been through a lot this summer and now you want to go into a deadly competition?" Fred asked. Fred had made it clear to the rest of the group he had more answers than they did. "Look I will be a lot better off than the others, I already know what the first challenge is." You said. "Oh and what's that?" Harry asked.

There they stood in the Forbidden Forest behind various bushes to keep hidden from the keepers as they got a shocking answer to their question. Dragons. The answer as horrifying as it may have been was dragons. You stood there in your leather armor talking to Charlie who seemed to be laughing with you. It was clear that Romania made you two closer. You seemed to thrive in this environment. You loved this job and it was clear with the way you handled everything. "Wand at the ready!" a man said. "Let the kid try first Markus." Charlie halted.

A dragon thrashed in his cage, growling. You walked up to the cage, getting closer than most of the workers had been able to. The dragon clearly recognized you. "Zephyr... Calm. Remember what we practiced." You said softly. The dragon almost seemed conflicted as it grunted. It shifted but seemed to relax. "Have any weasels or rabbits?" You asked. They handed you a dead rabbit and you tossed it to the dragon as a reward. "I say, you will probably have the quickest time compared to the other two students." A ministry worker said. "I almost feel like I have a unfair advantage." you said. "You do. But everyone cheats in this thing." Charlie said. You nodded. "Hey. You've got this Y/n... Have you thought about what you're going to do with the reward money?" Charlie asked, sitting on a crate. You rolled your eyes, sitting next to him. Both of you had moved close enough that the group could hear you very well now. "I don't know if I'm going to even win." You said. "Okay, okay. But let's say that you do. What will you do with the money?" Charlie asked. You pondered. "Give it to Fred and George." you said.

Fred and George looked at each other, shocked by your answer. "Really? None of it for yourself?" Charlie asked. "Dad's family comes from money, on top of that, both of my parents work. I'm set for now. I don't need the money. Fred and George though? They have an underground business going on and I think they are going places. They just need the money for it." You said. "Can I ask you something?" He asked. You nodded. "What's going on with you and my brother?" Charlie asked. "Which brother are you talking about?" You avoided the question. Charlie gave you a "You know exactly who I'm talking about" look. You sighed with a nervous blush. "I don't know." you said. Harry looked over at the twins who were listening intently.

"Sometimes I think that he likes me too, other times I know that he's two years older than me and he probably sees me as a kid." you said. George looked over at Fred who was swallowing hard. Charlie shook his head. "I don't think he does. The letter he wrote me about you seemed pretty damn genuine." Charlie said. "What do you mean?" You asked. "I asked him to send me a character reference for the apprenticeship." Oh no. no no no. Fred was the only person who was asked for this outside of faculty members, he knew now they were talking about him. "Hold on a minute." Charlie said. He walked away, leaving you alone for a few minutes. George snuck over to Hermione, Ginny, Harry and Ron. "Aye. This is getting way too personal, you guys should go." George said. Hermione was already sneaking back, as was Ginny. Harry frowned and Fred just seemed to be... Frozen.

His feelings were only just now hitting the poor jackass. "Here." Charlie said, handing you a letter. You sat there, silently reading the letter. First off: Fred could write really well. It was a talent you had no idea he had. The other thing was that it definitely showed some degree of him liking you. Course he described you as "The best friend I didn't mean to gain but glad that I did" which made you slightly unsure if Charlie was right or not. "He is definitely in love with you." Charlie said. "He calls me his best friend Charlie." You halted. "My brother does not write like that unless there's a driving force behind his emotions. He. Loves. You." He said. Harry looked over at Fred and George sighed, looking down. Harry gave a questioning look to Fred but his face said it all. The defeat and acceptance on his face said it all.

The group left and went back to the common room. "Harry? Buddy? Say something." Ron said. "My sister." Is all Harry began with. Fred sighed, running a hand over his face. "You have a ton of girls around you. And you choose my SISTER!?" Harry gaped. Fred couldn't meet the boy's eyes. "Harry. Lay off." Ron said before both Fred and George looked over with a surprised look. "Y/n has proven to be more than capable of navigating things on her own. I don't think Fred even planned this much less knew of his own feelings." Ron said. "...Ron you've been hanging with Hermione way too much." George said. "Well at least I got a little smarter." He shrugged. Harry ran a hand over his face. "I need sleep. That's it. I need to sleep." he said walking away. Fred sat there on the couch in silence, Ron and George sitting in the chairs near him. "What are you going to do?" George asked. "Ignore it." Fred muttered. "What?" Ron and George asked. "Got anything better? Because I'm all ears here!" he asked. Panic was on the boy's face, his eyes wild. "Her uncles could kill me! Her brother, who is a very close friend of mine is pissed! What the hell am I supposed to do!?" Fred asked.

George sighed and leaned forward. "Ignore the outside opinions and go for it." George finally said. "Did you not just--" "I heard you. But when have other people ever influenced your decisions?" George asked. "You have. A lot." He muttered. "Because we're a team and a team makes decisions together." George said. Ron nodded. "I think he should go for it." Ron said. "Go for what?" you asked, walking in. The guys all froze and you blinked. "You guys okay? You seem tense." You said. "We're all good." George said. "Right... I'm going to bed I'm tired." you shrugged before leaving.

You stepped into the dorm, Ginny and Hermione looking over. "You guys are still up?" you asked. "Yeah. Y/n, sit down we've got somethings to tell you." Hermione said. You sat down, confused. "Is something wrong?" You asked. "We know about you liking Fred." Ginny said. Your heart dropped. "Uhm... what?" you asked, voice small. "We know." Hermione repeated. "Who knows?" You asked. "What?" Ginny asked. "Who all knows?" You asked. "...George, Ron, Harry--" "Fuck." you whined. "And Fred." Ginny added making your face drop. "What!?" You gaped. "Your brother decided to follow you out, we went with him figuring that you were going out to whatever challenge was happening. We were right to an extent but then Charlie and you started talking. Me and Hermione left, George tried to get Harry to at least go but then Charlie started talking and it was too late." Ginny said. You ran your hand over your face before getting up. "Where are you going?" "Out."

You ended up sneaking outside, sitting on the ground near the whomping willow. Filch never really walked over to the area so you felt in the clear. You were picking at the grass, looking over the hillside. You weren't exactly thrilled, having a crush on an older boy. If you could take back your feelings, by God you would. This was scary and tiring all at once. Harry was probably pissed, the girls probably were judging the hell out of you right now and Fred... God Fred probably thought you were ridiculous.

"Y/n?" A voice called. You looked over to see Sirius with a backpack. "Uncle Padfoot?" You said confused. You looked over at the moon. It wasn't full yet, so what was he-- You saw his backpack and instantly knew. "Brewing a Wolfsbane potion?" You asked. He sat down his bag with a nod, sitting next to you. "It's almost three in the morning, what are you still doing up?" He asked. "A lot on my mind." You muttered. "Is it the tournament? We got the letter you were in it." He asked. You shook your head. "Talk to me pup." He said. You hesitantly explained your situation and Sirius chuckled.

"James is going to hate this." He said. "I don't know what to do Padfoot. I feel like he's going to think I'm crazy-- I don't want to ruin our friendship but I think I just did!" You groaned into your hands. Sirius patted your back. "Y/n, you didn't ruin anything, if worst come to worse, play dumb." He teased. Your lack of laughter told him you were seriously conflicted. "Y/n... You may be young. But the possibility is not impossible, in fact it's very likely he feels the same." Sirius said. "How do you know that?" You asked. "Because when I visited you over the summer I also went to the Weasleys about three days after. I wanted Molly to know." He said. "When I showed up Fred was pestering me with so many questions. I let him know you were 'sick' and even then he was worried." Sirius said. "What if he doesn't feel the same Padfoot?" You asked. Sirius looked over at you. "What if he does?"

You ended up going back to the dorms. Breakfast that morning had a noticeable absence of you. You didn't show up for dinner either. Fred was now very much aware that you knew that he knew. Ginny hadn't seen you for the next few mornings, Hermione only saw you walking to classes but never in your dorm. In fact, if it weren't for the signs of you actually coming back to the dorms and Peeves confirming that he had seen you to the twins, everyone would've assumed you just left. Today though, there was no avoiding you. It was the day of the first challenge. Your mother, father and uncles were all waiting with you in the tent as the other champions were preparing. "You've got this Y/n." Sirius said. You nodded, putting on a pair of gloves. You wished Fred was here to calm your nerves but he wasn't. You were the one that drew the Horntail. That dragon did not like you, nor did it take to training like the others. This one was aggressive. Though, you knew exactly how to deal with that.

Harry hugged you. "You kick ass out there." He said. "Will do." you said. "Potter. You're up." You stepped out of the tent and James wrapped his arm around Lily who was clearly nervous for her daughter. You stepped out, the crowd roaring for you. You swallowed hard, seeing Fred sit up straight as he watched you. Fred mouthed "are you okay?" mouthed. "Kill. me." you mouthed back, earning a small smile. Then you heard it. The unsettling growl rang out and you drew your wand. Charlie stood in the tent, watching you. "Accio Ranger." you said sharply. "The hell is a ranger?" Peter asked James who was shrugging in response. A small tube flew to your hand and you stood guard. You side stepped near the golden egg and it lunged, you pressing a button on the side of the tube like object. A blade shot out of it earning a few gasps from the crowd.

"Come on Y/n... Do the thing." Charlie muttered. "There's more?" Remus asked. "Oh hell yes there's more. A ranger is used by dragon tamer's all the time." Charlie said. Harry turned back to you. The dragon roared in your face but you stood your ground, again pointing your wand at the sword. "Incendio." you said. Fire emitted from your wand, lighting the blade on fire. George gaped at the sight, you standing there waving the blade around. The dragon's eyes followed it as you crept over to the egg, grabbing it slowly. It geared up and you frowned. "Crap." You muttered. Flames shot out and you blocked it with your wand, pushing back with the blade and making the dragon retreat. "DOWN." You yelled. It seemed like you were scolding the creature. It roared in protest but you didn't budge. "STAY." you said. Again the creature grumbled but you began to walk back before the dragon decided to try to attack one last time. "LOOK OUT!" Fred yelled. You turned around quick enough to put out the fireball that shot towards you. You booked it back to the tent and Charlie high-fived you. "That's my girl! Kicking ass and taking names!" James said, lifting you into a hug. You laughed and Harry smiled.

There was the sound of the tent's curtain like entrance being shoved back before a rapid pair of footsteps and a hug for you. You pulled away to see Fred. "When that stupid thing shot that last fireball at you-- I-I thought--" "I'm okay Freddie, I promise." You said. He looked in your eyes and Lily blinked. James opened his mouth but Lily pulled him back. Fred didn't move and neither did you before he leaned down and kissed your forehead, hugging you again.

He walked you back to the common room, the Gryffindors cheering as you entered. "You did it, you crazy girl!" Dean laughed. You nodded, holding up the egg. "Oh oh! Open it!" Ginny said. You sat it on the table, twisting its top and opening the egg to hear a loud deafening screech. You closed it and everyone went silent. "What the bloody hell was that!?" Ron asked. "The egg!" You gaped. "Why the hell does the egg do that!?" George asked. A valid question that no one seemed to have the answer to.

You never sat down and addressed the forehead kiss with Fred but you definitely were closer. He was busy trying to crack the egg with you. "Miss Potter!" Mcgonagall called as you were sitting in the library with Fred and the egg. You walked over to her and she seemed excited. "have you found a partner for the ball yet?" she asked. "The... What?" you asked. Mcgonagall rose a brow. "The Yule ball. All Champions must participate in the opening dance miss Potter. I thought you were aware." She said. "I just battled a dragon and now I have to dance? This really is hell." You whined. "Might I suggest the boy who was with you all week this week?" Mcgonagall said. You turned around "I don't think--" And she was gone.

You sighed and sat back down. "What's got you beat? Do you need to fight another dragon?" Fred asked. "Apparently I need a date to the Yule." You sighed. "It's not enough that I'm risking my life for the damn cup but now I have to suffer at a dance." You muttered. Fred looked over, a small blush rising to his cheeks. "I could... Be your date." he muttered. You looked over. "What was that?" You asked. "I could uhm... Be your date... If you want." He said. You nodded slowly. "Yeah.. That uhm... That would be nice." you replied, cheeks warm and slowly turning red.

You excused yourself and went to the common room. Ginny and Hermione looked over as you walked in like you had seen something indescribable. "Y/n? Are you alright?" Ginny asked. "He asked me to the ball." you muttered. "who?" Hermione asked. "Fred." You said. Both girls gaped. "HE DID WHAT!?" They asked in unison. Fred walked in and George emerged from the dorms. "You good Y/n?" George asked. "Yep. I'm uhm... I'm great actually." You said, looking over at Fred. Fred couldn't help but smile and you smiled back. "We've got to talk dresses. Now!" Hermione said. "What?" You asked, halfway listening to her. "Oh and heels!" Ginny added. "Wait what-- OW! MY ARM IS ATTACHED TO MY BODY YOU GUYS!" You whined as the girls dragged you off. "What was that about?" George asked. "I asked Y/n the ball." Fred said. George blinked. "You fucking did it!" he exclaimed, clearly excited. "Yeah. Yeah I did-- Does the air feel thin to you?" Fred asked. George snorted. "That's just your nerves Freddie. Come on, I need help with the orders." George said. Fred nodded and went upstairs into the dorms.

As the week pushed on, dance courses were now mandatory. Fred noticed your less than enthusiastic response to having to learn this type of etiquette. "Sorry!" You sighed as you yet again stepped on Fred's foot. "Y/n, I already said it's okay." He said softly. "I know I just... I feel ridiculous. At least Harry wasn't born with Dad's two left feet. I unfortunately did." you muttered. "Well on the bright side you got your mother's good eye sight." He said. "That's true. And I got my dad's sense of humor." You nodded earning a smile from Fred. "Try to relax Y/n. It's just me." Fred said. "That's what makes me kind of nervous Fred." you said in a flat tone. He chuckled and pulled you slightly closer. "Come now, I don't bite Potter." He teased. Your face was red as you danced and Fred couldn't help but smile. "I don't think we ever talked about us." He said. Oh god. "I figured we were going to ignore it..." You muttered. "Look, Fred I don't want you to feel obligated to like me. Hell, I don't want you to feel like you have to be near me if you don't want to be. I think we have a good friendship and I don't want to fuck that up." you explained. "Gotten it off your chest yet?" He asked. "Yes." you nodded. "I like you Y/n. You're smart, you're funny, you've got a good head on your shoulders, you're beautiful and your badass." He began. "But." you said, awaiting something else. "There is no but. I like you. I don't want you to push yourself to be in something you might not be ready for." He said. "... You're not worried about the age difference?" You asked. "There's a three year difference. That's not exactly your uncle and his girlfriend." Fred said. You nodded in agreement. "Tonks is pretty young. Really sweet though-- how do you know about Tonks?" you asked. "She works as an Auror for the ministry." He said. 

“Ten points to Gryffindor for the wonderful dancing of Mister Weasley and Miss Potter!” Mcgonagall announced, making you aware of the class. You swallowed hard. “Can we take a walk?” You asked Fred. He nodded, walking out with the rest of the students as they were dismissed. You ended up talking more, walking around the grounds with Fred. By the end of it Fred’s hand was intertwined with yours and he was whispering in your ear at how happy he was to be with you. 

He dropped you off at the common room, smiling like a moron as he left and you were grinning ear to ear. “What’s with you?” “Yeah, you look like Dobby when he got socks from Harry.” Hermione said making you laugh. “I’m dating Fred.” you said. Tea shot out of Ginny’s mouth, extinguishing the small flame in the fire place. “He actually-- Wow! He seemed so unsure at first I..” She said. “I don’t know, I guess he decided to commit.” You said. “Have you written to your mum about a dress yet? Or are we going to Hogsmeade for one?” Hermione asked. You grimaced. “Oh come on Y/n--” “Uhm... Excuse me.” A voice said.

You turned to see Viktor Krum. “I was wondering if I could speak with Her...Mione? Is that right?” He asked. “You said it right.” You nodded. “Sure?” Hermione said, walking away with him. “Wonder what that’s about.” Ginny said. “He’s asking her to the Yule.” You said. “What?!” Ginny asked. “He asked me if she’d be interested before the first trial.” You said. “Also, you’re going to get a date soon.” you said, sitting on the couch. “What? Who?” Ginny asked. “You’ll see.” you said with a smile. “Y/nnn!” Ginny whined. “You will see!” you laughed. 

Well within the week Ginny was asked by Neville Longbottom. She was surprised but found friendship in the guy so she said yes. Your mother also sent you a dress. A very beautiful dress that nearly made the girls pass out from excitement. Tonight was the night though, Fred constantly readjusting his tie out of nervousness. Ginny came down the stairs with Neville. “She looks amazing Fred, really.” She told him. “She always does.” Fred said. “Oh you should see Hermione, she looks so pretty.” A girl with blonde hair said. Hermione soon came down, taking Viktor’s hand with a smile. And then it was you. You walked down the steps and Fred froze. 

Your hair was pulled back, you smiling as you saw Fred. “Merlin’s beard you’re beautiful.” He gaped. “Can you do me a favor?” You asked. He nodded. “Don’t. Let. Me. Fall.” You said. He nodded and you took his hand, standing with the rest of the champions. Fred was surprised when you started speaking Russian with Viktor. He seemed amused by whatever you were discussing, laughing on occasion. 

The doors eventually opened and you walked forward, your names being announced. The opening dance commenced and you were surprised to find yourself not tripping over air as you gracefully moved. Fred was so focused on you that you found yourself getting lost in his eyes. You smiled, as did he, telling you sweet little compliments. You were smiling, looking at your friends who were also dancing with their partners. Harry smiled, watching his little sister. Did he necessarily approve? No, but at least you were happy. 

As the evening continued, you and Fred were laughing and dancing. When that tired you out you were sitting in the hall with food, talking on the stairs. “So then he proceeded to ski out the door.” You laughed. “What did your mum do!?” Fred asked. “Didn’t let him back inside till about four in the morning because dad started singing ‘I will always love you’ and our neighbors were beginning to complain.” You laughed. Fred chuckled. “This is the most fun I’ve had outside of hanging out with George.” He said. “I’m having fun too.” you said with smile. He brushed hair out of your eyes, smiling at you. “I think I... Really want to kiss you.” He muttered. “I think I really want you to kiss me.” you muttered. He pressed a kiss to your lips. 

He and you ended up parting ways around midnight, you having this smile on your face. Around three in the morning though, you were awoken by someone. “Ginny?” You asked groggily. “Charlie wants to talk to you.” Ginny yawned. You walked downstairs to see Charlie, Percy, Mcgonagall and Bill all standing there. “Y/n, good you’re here.” Percy said. “Do the boys know you’re here or is it just me and Ginny?” You asked. “They don’t know, sit please.” Percy said. “Hold it Percy. She’s never met Bill before and I’ve heard an interesting update that I must talk about.” Charlie halted. Bill extended his hand and you shook it. “I have met him before. Not like this though.” You said. “What’s this about you dating my brother?” Bill asked, a small smirk. “Oh, uhm--” “Mister Weasley I must ask that we stay. on. task.” Mcgonagall said. “Minnie you’re no fun!” Charlie whined. “There are more pressing matters at hand.” She said. “Fine.” He huffed. 

“Percy, you tell her.” Bill said. “I suspect you remember Fenrir Greyback.” He said. “The bastard that almost killed me? Yeah, I remember.” You said flatly. “We believe he’s somewhere on campus.” Charlie said. “What? Why?” You asked. “We think he’s after you. You almost led to his arrest, you testified in court, you have a lot pointing against him. From now on Bill is going to be escorting you from classes, you will not be alone.” Percy explained. “What about the competition?” You asked. “We’re surprised you even want to be in it after what we’ve explained.” Mcgonagall said. “No offense to you, truly. But I did not learn to friggin waltz for nothing. I am going to be in this until it’s done.” you said. “That puts you even more at a risk Y/n.” Percy said. “I. Don’t. Care.” you said. “Miss Potter, they present--” “If he wants me, he can work his way to me. Until then I’ll accept Bill’s help but I am not stopping my own life because someone wants to take it.” you said. 

The group all stared but nodded in agreement. “I can respect that.” Bill said. “While I disagree with your methods, we can’t refuse them. So for now we’ll support you.” Percy said. “Now can we drop the sad stuff and gossip?” Charlie asked. “I think it’s best if Miss Potter went off to bed.” Mcgonagall said. “Uggghh.” Charlie whined as you shook your head and went back to the dorms. “I’ll let you know.” Bill said to Charlie. “Godsend. You. Are. A. Godsend.” 

No one in the group knew what happened. All they knew was that Bill was suddenly there. After a few days they got used to it. Today, you had three days to figure out the purpose of the egg. It sat on the Great Hall table, all of you staring at it. “Have you solved the next trial? I can’t figure it out..” Viktor asked, his arm around Hermione. Ron seemed to grit his teeth at the sight, keeping an angry silence over him.“No. Can’t seem to figure it out, all the fucking egg does is scream. Why would it make noise if it was just...” You paused. “What?” Fred asked. “It makes noise because it has another purpose.” You said. “I need to muffle the sound!” you said, snapping your fingers in realization. “I love it when she has good ideas.” Fred chuckled, George rolling his eyes. Bill smiled as you kissed Fred, walking to the bathroom. 

“You don’t need to follow Bill.” You sighed as you walked towards the baths. “You know the rules.” He said. “My god you ministry workers love your rules don’t you.” you sighed. You walked into the baths, Bill standing outside the door. “Oh now you draw the line.” you said with an eyeroll. “I assume you’re there to take a bath.” he said. “Nope. Puzzle solving.” You said. Bill blinked. “What?” “Well come and find out dude.” you laughed. You turned on the water, taking off your shoes. “What are you--” You put the egg on the edge of the tub, walking in. “You’re getting wet!” Bill said. “No! You don’t say!” You said sarcastically before putting the egg under the water. “Y/n I don’t think--” you went under, uniform and all. “Y/n!” Bill sighed, running a hand over his face. 

It wasn’t long before you popped back up. “I’ve got it! The next trial is at the black lake!” You said. “I’m also going to need something for breathing underwater.” you added. “Y/n, have you lost your mind?” Bill asked. “Have you met my father?” you asked. Bill went silent, opening his mouth before closing it. “... Fair point.” He nodded. You went back to the dorms, changing uniforms and walking back out. “Your hair is still wet--” “Do I look like I care?” you asked. “I’m beginning to see why Fred is dating you.” Bill sighed, following you to the library. “Have you told any of your friends? About... Him?” Bill asked. “Only Fred knows. If my brother found out he’d lose his shit.” you said. You walked into the library, Viktor looking up. “and?” He asked. You sat down, whispering to him. Bill sighed, looking around at the familiar place. He recalled a time where he would come here to avoid his dragon obsessed brother. A blonde girl walked past him in the powder blue uniform. 

He blinked a few times, clearing his throat as he looked at her. “Hey, Fleur!” you called. She turned around, Bill’s heart pounding in his chest. “Come here for a second.” you said. She walked over, you telling her. “why are you telling her?” Viktor asked. “we all deserve an equal playing ground Krum. At least this way we’re somewhat equal” you said. He sighed but nodded. “What did we lose?” Fleur asked. “That’s what I can’t figure out.” you admitted. “We’ll find out then I guess.” Krum shrugged. You looked over at Bill who looked like he was frozen. “Bill, you good?” You asked. “What? Oh I’m fine.” he coughed. You noticed his sights on Fleur and resisted a snort, shaking your head and turning back to the conversation. 

You never had a clear cut answer for what was “lost” or how to breathe underwater. Not until the say of the trial. You stood on the docks, Fred nowhere to be found. “George, where’s Fred?” you asked. “Yeah I want to meet my daughter’s boyfriend.” Lily said, making your cheeks flush. George furrowed his brow. “I thought he was with you?” He said. “No--” “Has anyone seen Hermione?” Viktor asked. You frowned, looking over at Fleur who was looking for your sister. Your heart dropped, Sirius walking over. “Found you some Gillyweed pup. You can breathe underwater-- are you alright?” Sirius asked. “I know what the trial is.” you breathed, George looking confused until he realized what you were saying. “Oh. My. God.” George gasped. “What’s going on?” James asked. 

“Champions at the ready.” Dumbledore announced. “Pup, take the Gillyweed. It’ll help you breathe underwater.” Sirius said. You nodded, downing it before standing with the contestants. “GO!” 

Your body collided with the water, gills growing on you as you swam. You swam through the lake, seeing the creatures around you with wide eyes. You had seen this before, but it was less fun when you were shoved in. That’s when you remembered. Oh shit. Mermaids. 

You swam deep into the water, cautious to avoid the wrath of the creatures before finding the students. Hermione, Fleur’s sister Gabrielle and Fred all tied. Viktor looked over, grabbing Hermione and exiting the water before you freed Fred. You looked around for Fleur but found nothing. Someone had to get Gabrielle. You swam over, a trident aimed at your throat. You used a charm to keep them back before grabbing both of them and swimming. 

Viktor came out of the water. “Oi, Rasputin.” Sirius called. “That’s not my name--” “Yeah, I don’t care, where is Y/n?” Sirius asked. “She was getting the Weasley boy last I saw.” He said. Bill frowned. “They put my brother in the water-- what the hell is this thing?” Bill asked. “Where have you been all morning?” George asked. “Talking to Minerva. Y/n was with the school as a whole so I was okay to not be with her.” Bill said. “You’ve been watching Y/n? Why?” George asked. “Uhm--” Fleur came back up empty handed and Lily looked at James. “We both know why this is taking a long time” She muttered. “She’s strong Lily, you know that.” Remus said. Fred came up, gasping for air and pulling Gabrielle up. “Where’s Y/n?” Fred asked. “She’s not down there with you?” George asked, pulling Gabrielle out and extending his hand to his brother. “I don’t--” Your head shot out of the water.

 “SWIM NOW!” you said, shoving Fred. Fred took George’s hand before he pulled him out of the water. George extended his hand to you and you reached for it before being pulled under by something. Sirius frowned. “James, you remember what’s down there.” Sirius said. Peter frowned and answered before James. “Mermaids.” he said. You shot back out, climbing out of the water yourself. “I HATE THIS BLOODY LAKE!” you said. Fred hugged you, brushing the hair out of your face. “Are you alright?” He asked. “I’m fine! I’m fine. Still hate mermaids as much as I did my first year but I’m fine” you breathed. He pressed a kiss to your forehead and Lily ran over. “Oh darling, you had me worried sick!” she breathed. “Mum I’m fine--” Sirius lifted you into a hug and you seemed to be lacking air. “Can’t. Breathe.” you gasped. “Oh shit-- sorry Pup!” He said letting go. “You saved my sister-- thank you!” Fleur said, hugging you. “There is a whole lot of hugging going around.” You chuckled, hugging Fleur back.

You all sat in the common room, James, Remus, Peter and Sirius asking a ton of questions to Fred. “so why my daughter?” “If you hurt her we will kill you.” “How well do you do in school?” “Guys would you chill out!?” You said. “We’re just curious.” James said. “Oh shut it dad, we all know you want to wring his neck.” you said with an eyeroll. Bill chuckled and you sighed. “So are you going to explain why Bill has been with us or are you keeping us in the dark along with everything else?” Harry asked. “It’s confidential.” you and Bill said in unison. “My god, I believe we have a future ministry worker on our hands.” Sirius said making James snort. You rolled your eyes. “I’m going to bed.” you said. “Get ready for next week and kick some ass!” James said. “Mister Potter, watch your mouth.” Mcgonagall said. “MINNIE!” Remus, James, Peter and Sirius all exclaimed as you left.  

As the week carried on you felt like you were being watched. More so than usual. You kept it to yourself, knowing damn well if you voiced your discomfort to Bill, he would be on high alert and NEVER leave you alone. Fred noticed your attention seemed to be elsewhere though and suspected something was wrong as you would be looking over your shoulder every few moments. You didn’t realize your suspicions were correct.

There you stood in the stadium, the maze entrance intimidating as you looked at it with wide eyes. Fred walked over. “Good luck Princess.” he said. You kissed him, him smiling. You turned back to the made with a small frown. “Nervous?” he asked. “No I just... I’ve got a bad feeling.” You said. “Are you sure you want to do this?” Fred asked. “I’ll be okay Freddie.” You said. “Alright. Kick some ass babe.” He said. You laughed and turned back to the maze. 

“On your marks!” 

You readied up. 

“Get set!” 

Your focus was on the maze and for a second you swore you saw someone walk through it. 

“GO!” 

You raced through the maze, the feeling of being watched amplifying as you moved. You swore there was someone following you. You heard a scream in the maze. “FLEUR!?” you called. Silence. Something was wrong. What it was, you didn’t know but something was wrong. “Viktor!? Can you hear me!?” You called. Silence. Shit. “Yes! I’m here!” He said. You moved around a corner. “Thank god” you breathed, “The maze moves.” he said. “What?” you asked before noticing a vine slither towards Viktor’s leg. You used a spell to block it. “We’ve got to move.” You said. “We can’t both win Y/n.” he said. “you can win, I don’t care we need to move.” you breathed. He shook his head. “I don’t need to win, you--” “We can argue when we see the cup right now we need to--” you saw a figure behind Krum and your heart dropped. 

Fenrir Greyback.

You backed up and he moved closer. “VIKTOR RUN!” you screamed. Both of you took off, running through the maze before you both accidentally separated. You saw the glint of light, running towards it before you were stopped. Fenrir had stepped in front of you, a malicious smirk falling across his face. Viktor came from the other area and froze. “Viktor run!” You said. “Stupify--” Fenrir dodged, giving you enough time to run and grab Viktor’s hand. “What do we do?” He asked. “When we reach for the cup, he will too.” You muttered. “We don’t have a choice.” He muttered. You swallowed hard and Viktor shook his head. “That cup is the only way back unless...” He turned around to see the ways closing. Viktor looked at you and then backed up. “Viktor what are you--” “Use the cup!” He said before getting grabbed by the vines. 

You swallowed hard, Fenrir lunged, tackling you and knocking over the cup. His hand raised, prepared to claw you as you yelled “ACCIO” and the cup hit your hands as his claws ripped your skin. Blood seeped through your shirt, him biting you as the location changed.  

 A bloodcurdling scream emitted from you as you hit the ground, Bill sprinting forward and knocking him back. Fred stood up, eyes wide as his girlfriend seemed to struggle for her own life. Percy emerged from a nearby tent, binding Fenrir. “You’re too late Weasley.” He spat. You coughed up blood, your parents, uncles, brother and boyfriend all running down to you. “Even if she survives she’ll be stuck with the same affliction as me.” He laughed. Remus had fear coursing through him as he looked at you and then Fenrir. “Just like her Uncle.” He added. “You Son of a--” you coughed again, head in Fred’s lap. “Stay with us princess.” Fred begged. “I-I’m sorry.” You whispered. “MEDIC!” James yelled. “I’m so sorry--” “shhh baby, you’re going to be fine” Lily hushed. “GOD DAMN IT WE NEED A MEDIC!” James yelled. Madame Pomfrey ran over with a stretcher, lifting you up. “Parents only.” She halted the group. “That’s my sister you--” “Harry, calm down we have to trust they know what they’re doing.” Sirius said. 

George, Ron, Ginny and Hermione all ran down, standing with them. “She’ll never make it.” Fenrir said as Bill carried him off. “They never do.” 

Thirteen hours. No one had heard anything for hours. Viktor sat with your friends, bringing them whatever they needed, water, food. Molly and Arthur both came in as well, praying that you would make it. Charlie sat in the hall with them outside of the medical wing, Fred pacing back and forth. “She will make it Fred.” George said. “What if she doesn’t?” Fred asked. “She will.” Remus said. “But what if she doesn’t!?” Fred asked again. “Y/n needs us. She needs you to have faith that she will make it Freddie.” Molly said. He put his face in his hands. “I can’t lose her mum-- I can’t” He whimpered. She hugged her son, the door opening. Everyone stood up.

 “She’s alright.” James said. Relief instantly washed over the group. “It’s a miracle. Honestly. She didn’t even take to lycanthropy.” Pomfrey said, walking out. Blood was on her apron, bad sign but considering the adults outside of Pomfrey said you were okay, they didn’t think much of it. “Come on in you guys.” James said. Fred was the first through the door, seeing you wincing. “Ow-- Mum bandages don’t get any tighter--” “I’m trying to make sure they won’t fall off!” She huffed. Fred came into your line of view, your face softening at the sight. Lily sighed, taking a step back to allow Fred to get to you. He kneeled, pressing a kiss to your forehead. You looked at him, smiling softly. “Fred I wanted to tell you that I love you. So much. Even though it’s been a short while since we’ve started dating... I knew that when I woke up I had to tell you.” you said softly. He smiled. “I love you too Princess.” He said.

Sounds of sobbing came from your dad. “It-- IT’S JUST SO PURE LILY! I WANNA HATE HIM SO BAD!” He whined. “James calm down--” “THEY ARE JUST LIKE US!” He cried into his wife’s shoulder as she dragged him out of the room. Harry shook his head. “Harry I’m so sorry I never told you anything. I just--” “Y/n, it’s okay. I know I overreact. I get it from the moron standing in the hall.” He said. Sirius chuckled. “I’m glad that... you aren’t..” Remus halted. “I’m glad you’re okay.” He said.  “Moony... I want to say I’m so sorry for all of this. I know this had to have been hell for you to sit through.” You said. “It wasn’t easy. But it helped that you kept fighting.” He said. “And I’ve made a decision.” you said. “and what’s that pup?” Sirius asked. “I’m no longer studying dragons.” You said. “What? But you’re good at it!” Charlie whined. “Relax Charlie, I’ll still work next to you and your crazy beasts. I’m saying I’m not just specializing with dragons. I’m going to study werewolves.” You said. “WHAT!?” Everyone asked. 

“I want there to be a way for the afflicted to live an easier life. I know for a fact that I’m not the only victim, and I came out with the luckiest outcome.” you said. Remus blinked. “There’s no telling the exact numbers that came from that asshole but I want a way to help those with no choice. By studying to be a ‘beastmaster’ in school I can still pursue dragons and I can help werewolves.” you said. Sirius looked over at Remus who was both shocked and crying at your decision. “Not you too Moony.” Sirius chuckled. “She has such a good heart.” He said with a smile, wiping away the tears. “We brought you something dear. We didn’t get to give it to you at Christmas.” Molly said.

She stepped forward and handed you a small wrapped present. It was a Weasley sweater. “You’ll always have a place in our family.” She said. “Regardless of you dating Fred or not.” Arthur added.

It was a slow recovery but it ended up fine in the end as your third year came to a close. The Triwizard cup rested in a glass cabinet with quidditch trophies. Then Cornelius gave you the check for the prize money. “And we will make it out to--” “Fred or George Weasley.” You said. He looked up. “Excuse me?” Fudge asked. “Make it out to Fred or George Weasley.” you repeated. “Are you sure?” He asked. “Yep.” You nodded. After making a comment on being insane he did just as you asked.

Students wished you well over the summer all while saying goodbye to the Durmstrang and Beauxbaton students. Viktor said goodbye to Hermione, looking over at you. You walked over. “Viktor I just want to say-” “It was nothing Potter. I’m glad you’re okay.” He said. You both smiled, hugging each other goodbye. “kick some ass out there Krum.” you said. “Stay wild Rider.” He said, walking away. Fred walked over. “Think you’ll miss him?” He asked. “Yeah. But I’ve got you.” You said with a smile. He smiled and you gasped. “Wait! I need to talk to you and George!” you gasped. “Oookay?” Fred said confused before you took his hand, running off. 

You found George talking to Angelina. “George! I’ve gotta talk to you!” You said. You sat both of the boys down. “What’s this about?” George asked. You handed George the check. George said nothing, grabbing Fred’s arm as he read the check. “What?” Fred asked. “You’re actually giving us the money!?” George asked. “What!?” Fred asked, gaping at the sight. “Think of it as a business investment.” You said. “Darling this is enough to buy the business!” Fred said. “Oorrr to buy you guys a building after you graduate.” you suggested. “Or-- Oh my god you sneaky little minx!” George gaped. “We knew you wanted to give it to us we just figured maybe you’d give it to Krum or something.” Fred said. “Krum is a world renowned quidditch player. I think he he’s good on money you guys.” you laughed. 

Fred hugged you, as did George. “Y/n!” Charlie called. “Another apprenticeship?” George asked. “This time in Germany.” you said with a smile. “Have fun.” Fred said, kissing you. “I’m coming back next month on the sixth, mark your calendar.” you said with a smile. Fred nodded. “Y/n! Come on!!!” Charlie said. “Bye!” You said hugging the two boys one last time before running off with Charlie. George looked over at Fred who was watching you with a loving smile.

 “You better marry that girl one day Fred. We gotta lock her in somehow and make her a Weasley.” George laughed. “Oh trust me. One day I will.” Fred said. “God, think of all the things in the business we could buy with this.” George said. “Oh we need more Amortentia.” Fred said. “We can get the ingredients. Oh! we could sell liquid luck!” George said. “We can finally experiment with the Pigmy puffs!” George added, Fred walking with a smile. George started listing off all of the possibilities as they walked to the train station, ready to start their new futures. 

The future was so bright, and strangely, it was just beginning.

Taglist: @amhyeah @newtaholic-staygold @bbeauttyybbx @fleurho @yodeadxss @mariah-can-dream

[merigreenleaf]

Unexpected Inspiration Character Backstory: Adair’s Past

Addy had one foot in the water when a hand snatched at the back of his shirt and heaved him away from the shore. "No, dope! You won't get there in time, not the way you swim! Climb!"

Feren shoved him in the direction of the tiny island's lone tree before shimmying up it. Addy bit his lip as the water reached his feet and rose almost immediately to his calves. Feren was right, he wouldn't make it to the other shore by swimming. He touched his favorite paintbrush to make sure it was safe in his pocket-- and to feel more courageous, not that he'd admit that a paintbrush was his comfort thing. Feren would never let him live that down and would call him a baby even in the middle of a flow that was rapidly becoming a flood. He forced himself up onto the lowest branch. Even here was too high! Addy closed his eyes while his stomach churned as bad as the water below him.

"What are you doing? You have to climb higher than that!"

"I can't!" Addy didn't open his eyes. He was already so high. The flood couldn't reach him here. It wasn't like it was going to get that deep.

"Dammit, Addy! Are you too weak to climb one stupid tree?"

Addy squinted one eye open and looked up, which had to be better than looking down. It wasn't. Feren was perched about a mile above him on a larger, sturdier limb. He wasn't sure what view was worse: Feren glaring at him or seeing someone up so high. Addy closed his eyes again and hugged the trunk with both arms. Maybe if he clung tight enough the water wouldn't carry him away. Maybe it would turn out that the magic he didn't have yet was glue magic. No, he'd never been that lucky. He was dimly aware of muttered curse words above him, ones he wasn't allowed to say at home, then Feren shouted, "Grab my hand!"

The current reached Addy's dangling feet. With a whimper he hoped Feren didn't hear, he reached up. Feren grabbed his wrist and hoisted him up, then shoved him further upwards. Addy kept his eyes on the tree trunk. He was going to have nightmares for years about this stupid tree trunk. After an eternity of climbing, he was on the wide branch Feren had been sitting on. A thundering heartbeat later Feren joined him. As much as he hated the other boy, Addy couldn't say he minded when Feren's arm wrapped around him to hold him in place. He was pretty sure Feren wasn't going to push him off, anyway. Not after the effort of getting him up here. Not when Feren avoided the word "effort" as much as he did the words "selflessness" and "not being a jerk." Nothing about this day was going right. -Excerpt from an early draft of Colorweaver (book 1)

To all appearances, Adair has the most normal backstory of the dorks. He didn't grow up in a weird temple like the twins, Rosalie, or Camille-- Concordia doesn't technically even have a religion. He didn't lose his parents young like Blythe did-- if anything Adair has too many parents, which annoys him on occasion because what teenager wouldn't be eye-rolling at six parents and parental figures. He was certainly never unloved or neglected by any of his parents, like Dray-- his multitude of parents have always supported his hobbies and interests and since he always lived in Concordia, no one batted an eye when he declared that he was a boy. He's never had to struggle to make ends meet or to survive, like any of the others. He had the most normal, traditional, seemingly-unexciting childhood that you can have as a Concordian. 

But that's where the normality of Adair's life stops. Weird things have a habit of happening around him. Mostly it's given him an attitude of "Oh. This is what we're doing now? Okay" because he rarely knows what's going on. He often feels like he's just along for the ride with his own life.

(His bio is below!)

To take it back, Adair grew up in a small, quiet town where not much happened. It was so small that there were only two sets of Artisan families who lived there. When his magic manifested as a kid, he was apprenticed to the set that wasn't his own. Okay, he probably would have preferred getting the heck out of a place so dull, but his master had cartography magic which is precisely the flavor of colorweaving that Adair did. Her son was a thorn in Addy's side for years, but Master Idra was welcoming, loved to travel, and was eccentric in the best ways. One of her spouses was a master chef, so their way of welcoming Adair into the family was by having him help out in the kitchen and making all sorts of yummy desserts that he liked. (There's a reason Adair does this with his own adopted kid!) Adair quickly befriended Nina, the apprentice of said spouse, and she made him all sorts of sweets, too. If not for living with Feren, his master's son, it would have been perfect. Even then, it sort of worked out because Feren went from bossy bully to bossy boyfriend, but that's a can of worms I won't get into here since I already talked about it in their relationship moodboard post. Suffice it to say that this was not a great relationship, but it does mean that Feren was there for almost all of Adair's Weird Events.

The first strange thing he could pinpoint was the timing of when his magic manifested. He was hanging out with the other local kids at a nearby lake when the dam suddenly cracked. He has honestly tried to block out most memory of this, not because of the flood, which wasn't too bad since the stone-magic inside it stopped it before it burst entirely, but because he had to climb a tree to avoid it. Heights have always been Adair's greatest fear and he was never sure what he would have done had Feren not been there to help him. Adair doesn't remember much of this, between the terror and his eyes scrunched tight, until purple light appeared behind his eyelids. When he snuck a peek at his hands and arms clinging to the tree, he saw that they were glowing. The glow wasn't really unexpected, that was just the sign that his magic was now active, but it was impeccable timing in a way that became Adair's normal. His master theorized it happened then because he was so frightened. Adair would rather not think about it at all, thanks.

Another Weird Event was a sudden cave-in when he, Feren, and Nina were poking around what should have been a safe cavern. The most recent Event was when he woke up in the middle of a carnival. That one led to him meeting the dorks, so he was cool with this once he dealt with the embarrassment of being seen in pajamas and quacking ducky slippers. At least nothing burst or collapsed that time.

That said, usually the events were small and I don't think he was much aware of them because they tend to happen while he's asleep or zoned out. It's one thing that Adair tends to have vivid dreams and occasional hallucinations when he's tired; that's par for the course with a sleep disorder. It gets weird when other people can see what he's dreaming. These are mundane enough that anyone who gets caught in one of the illusions brushes it off as maybe they just nodded off. Adair has spent so much time around Feren, though, that Feren has long suspected that something was up. Has he told Adair? Of course not, why would someone as wonderful as Feren ever think to help someone he supposedly loves? Instead, he watches and wonders and documents, and when strange things start happening around the other dorks that are similar enough to Adair, Feren notices. 

But even with the strangeness in his life, Adair has plowed on happily. He finally broke up with Feren, so the past few months have been a breath of fresh air. He finished his apprenticeship and is nearing the end of his year as an amateur with his graduation project almost finished. He has the other dorks in his life and the future looks bright, minus a few hiccups and malfunctioning magic that isn't always his.

------------------------

I apologize that the excerpt got kinda long, but I wasn’t sure where else to stop it besides that point. This is the next in the series of backstory moodboards I’m doing about the dorks. I have two for Dray here and here, and one for Rosalie & Camille here. I also just updated Adair’s bio board with a new board and new info! 

This was originally supposed to be for @homesteadchronicles theme of “baking” but I’m a week late and also this post spiraled wildly out of control lol

Tagging my series tag list. Let me know if you want to be added or removed from the list and please definitely tag me in writing things you share, too! :)

@homesteadchronicles @ageekyreader @lynnafred @the-gay-hufflepuff @oceanwriter @desperatlytryingtowriteabook @muffindragon227 @theguildedtypewriter @toboldlywrite @wchwriter @dreameronthewind @shadow-maker @pen-for-sword @loopyhoopywrites @emptymanuscript @madmoonink @perringwrites @megan-cutler @elliot-orion @thatwriternamedvolk @indecentpause @writer-on-time @ravenpuffwriter @siarven @musicismymoirail @lady-redshield-writes @bluemartlet @reeseweston @worldbuildingwren @hiddswritingrefs @cay--scribbles @focusdumbass @paper-shield-and-wooden-sword @enasroterfaden @missrobinswritings @joshuaorrizonte @zofiehelen @kainablue @kalis-scribbles @inspirited-goddess

[slytherinknowitall]

Potion Fumes and Cauldron Leaks

Chapter 13: Dressed-Up Figures and Undressed Souls

(Click here for chapter 12!)

(Click here to start from the beginning!)

Disclaimer: I don’t own the “Harry Potter” book series. The story of “Harry Potter” is the property of J. K. Rowling, it is not my intellectual property. There is no financial gain made from this nor will any be sought. This is for entertainment purposes only.

The remainder of the month went by in a breeze, and looking back, the Potions professor realised that it had been the happiest time of his life.

Severus still felt uneasy about his feelings towards Granger, of course; so much so that he even promised it to himself to never act on them. Quickly backpaddling on the thought that the two of them could become friends – after all, a teacher and a student becoming too close would always be weird, no matter the circumstances – he instead decided to quietly admire his beloved from afar. In a bid to distance himself from her and her enticing charms, he restricted their private lessons to the two mandatory sessions a week and made sure to drop a snide remark here and there – though they somehow never seemed as harsh anymore. It did not help, however, that the young woman seemed unfazed by all of that; she would still always show up to their meetings beaming at the Potions Master’s face.

So at the end of the day, he still could not help but experience almost juvenile-like euphoria. She liked him, too! Granted, she was not in love with him or anything, but indeed just the fact that his new object of affection liked him on a platonic level made Severus feel all kinds of ways. As a result, his behaviour seemed to change. Although he tried his best to behave like his normal mean self, he would sometimes suddenly find himself softly humming as he made his way through the castle’s countless corridors, and every once in a while, he would even accidentally chuckle at some of his colleagues’ lousy attempts at jokes over dinner. He also caught himself daydreaming about the Gryffindor more frequently, but he did not mind it that much anymore. Instead, he chose to quietly enjoy all of these new-found emotions.

As for Granger, well, she was back to her bubbly, know-it-all self. She had quickly begun to show up for class on time again, handing in excellent essays and fiercely waving her hand around trying to be “the chosen one” who got to answer questions. That behaviour also extended to their apprenticeship lessons, with her bombarding her tutor with countless questions about this and that, attempting to extract every single bit of knowledge, howsoever small, from the talented wizard’s mind. Severus could not help but be a tad bit amused by her eagerness to learn. He was still trying to maintain his reputation as the snarky, greasy-haired git of the dungeons, of course; so on the rare occasions when he actually answered one of her questions, he would do so in his typical scoffing fashion. In reality, however, he was delighted by their relatively one-sided conversations. He was utterly fascinated by the way her mind appeared to work as well as the huge range of topics in which she took an interest. After years of unsuccessfully searching for a suitable conversational partner with which to have intellectually stimulating discussions, he had finally found one – and in a member of the Golden Trio at that!

A few weeks ago, they had even taught their first class together. Severus had to admit that he had been sceptical at first about that part of the apprenticeship programme; however, Granger had done surprisingly well. Having come in prepared with a perfectly outlined lesson plan, she had no trouble properly instructing a group of second-years on how to brew the Fire Protection Potion. A nice and helpful teacher, her presence had seemed to make the pupils breathe a little easier in what is otherwise a rather strict class; some had even managed to create potions that were noticeably better than any others they’d handed in before. Though this of course did not mean that Severus planned on making any permanent changes to his personal style of teaching. The reason behind his sternness was completely logical: Unruliness had absolutely no place in his classroom, as safety always came first in a potions lab!

On one particular Thursday – the day before Halloween to be exact – the Head of Slytherin found himself in the dimly lit Potions classroom, brewing yet another one of Madam Pomfrey’s last-minute orders; unfortunately, the matron had apparently not taken to heart his elaborate lecture about ordering often-needed potions well in advance. Working side by side with his apprentice, they were preparing a batch of Antidote to Common Poisons and a few phials of Laxative Potion respectively.

Just as Severus was rummaging through his storage room in the search for some lavender essence, he heard his student speak up.

“While everyone knows that the headmaster is a – for the lack of a better word – special character, I must say that I’m still a bit dumfounded by this announcement,” her melodic voice resonated from the ancient stone walls. “Having spent the better part of my childhood in the Muggle world, I am obviously familiar with the practice. But all those scary things, those creatures that Muggles dress up as – most of them actually exist in the wizarding world! So why should we magic folk put on costumes like that? I just find it quite bizarre and …”

Finally having found the little ampoule for which he had been searching, Severus returned to his workstation as Granger continued to ramble on and on. He obviously knew what she was talking about. Just this morning at breakfast, Dumbledore had suddenly announced that this year’s Hallowe’en Feast would come with a little twist: It would be a fancy-dress party Muggle style, and everyone attending was expected to show up wearing a costume. Snape groaned at the mere thought of it. This year, the old man was just implementing one silly rule after another. Sometimes, the half-blood believed that the headmaster came up with all of his crazy antics with the sole purpose of annoying his younger colleague.

“Anyway,” the witch said, at last concluding her babbling. “What are you going as?”

Severus, who was in the process of measuring out the correct amount of Honeywater for his potion, stopped dead in his tracks and looked at the young woman with a stone-cold expression.

“I beg your pardon?” he asked snappishly.

His protégée’s hazel eyes turned big. “Oh, um, I’m talking about the Hallowe’en Feast, sir,” she stuttered rather sheepishly. “I was just wondering what your costume will be.”

“Costume? Miss Granger, am I really to believe that you would be stupid enough to assume that I, Severus Snape, Potions Master and Head of Slytherin, would take part in such a ridiculous display of foolishness?!”

He could practically see her confidence crumble before his very eyes, and he would have lied if he said that that did not make him feel a tiny bit bad. After hectically searching for something to say for a few moments, she dropped her gaze.

“Of course not,” she then mumbled. “My apologies …”

Granger quickly turned her attention back to her project, and so Snape did the same, trying hard to ignore that slight sting he felt in his chest.

For a while, they worked in silence. Once he finished his potion, Severus began looking for the little piece of parchment paper on which Poppy had written her order, wanting to double check if he had prepared the correct amount. Following a minute-long search, he finally found it on Granger’s side of the desk. When he went to pick it up, however, he noticed a strange, scarlet red dot on it.

Confused, he turned to face his apprentice, intending to ask her about it, when he noticed what appeared to be a fair amount of blood smeared all across the girl’s chin and lips. While he had long ago taken note of her tendency to subconsciously bite her lips whenever she was anxious or scared, he had never seen it get so bad to the point that she would make herself bleed like that. Severus could not help but feel guilty about this; it had to have been his unkind reply which had caused it.

“Miss Granger,” he muttered softly. When she looked up in surprise, he handed her the white handkerchief he always carried in the left pocket of his cloak. “You are bleeding.”

He watched as she hastily brought up her right hand to her face and then stared in disbelief at the shiny red liquid which now covered her fingertips.

Not giving her a chance to speak, he said, “When I was just a mere child growing up in Muggle England, Halloween was not yet what it is today. It did exist, yes, but the act of dressing up and having little get-togethers was not as wide-spread yet.”

Walking past her to the table, Snape picked up a small, clean blade and started cutting a few sprouts of Agrimonia into small pieces.

“However, I do distinctly recall one time when the town I was living in announced that it would host a celebration in the community centre, complete with costumes and all kinds of entertaining activities. Rather untypical for that dirty hellhole, really …” He sighed. “So I spent the whole day getting ready, gathering supplies for my costume from all around the house and borrowing some of my mother’s makeup. After hours of work, I had finally finished creating my ensemble and was about to leave, excited for the hours of fun to come, when my father came home from a day at the bar.”

He looked up, meeting the gaze of his student. Her expression had confusion written all over it.

“My father was not a kind man, Miss Granger. I am afraid that I take after him quite a lot when it comes to having anger issues.” His lips formed a thin line. “He was especially not fond of anything magical. He despised my mother and I for our abilities, calling us freaks, monstrosities. When he saw that I was dressed up as a wizard, he lost it. He tore apart my carefully crafted costume before my very eyes, and that night, I received the worst beating of my life as my mother just passively watched. It was so bad that I was not able to go to school for two weeks afterward.”

Granger gasped in shock. “That’s terrible! I –, I … I am so sorry, sir.” Her voice was barely above a whisper, and Severus thought that he could see tears forming in her eyes.

He waved off her concern with a simple gesture of the hand. “That was a long time ago, Miss Granger,” he said seemingly nonchalantly, but his trembling hands gave him away as he added the shredded plant to the cauldron in front of him.

“However, I do feel like it is understandable that ever since that day, I have taken a dislike to this particular festivity.” Of course, that was only half of it – but he did not think it appropriate to disclose the trauma connected to the murder of his childhood love. “And while being one of the teachers at this school has made me feel compelled to take part in the yearly feast thus far, I have decided to allow myself to refrain from participating this time.”

What followed was silence. While the seventh-year was evidently at a loss for words, Snape continued to diligently prepare the green-coloured potion. He knew that he probably should not have shared such private information with her. But for some reason, it was just so easy to open up to her, to share his painful memories with her.

It was only after he had finished the magical concoction and went to grab a box of crystalline phials for bottling that Granger said, “It’s certainly not my place to speak of your awful experiences or offer any solutions, sir. But perhaps tomorrow is your one chance to regain the experience you were so wrongfully robbed of.”

Not knowing what to answer, Severus remained quiet.

*************** *************** ***************

Even though it was now her seventh time experiencing the event, Hermione still could not help but be amazed as she entered the Great Hall.

Like every year, the huge room had been decorated in great detail for the Hallowe’en Feast. A few dozen black cauldrons stuffed with gigantic lollipops as well as large pumpkins, some filled with candy and others with candles, were distributed throughout the hall. Looking up at the Enchanted Ceiling, she could see the dark night sky with seemingly endless stars sparkling in the distance. Flying in and out of low-hanging black clouds, both live bats as well as flaming orange streamers were swooping over the long tables which were filled with sheer massive amounts of food and drinks: devilled eggs and butternut squash soup, candy apples and carrot cake, butterbeer and gillywater, roasted turkey legs and fish pie. There was even an apple bobbing station in one corner.

However, the one thing which stood out the most was admittedly the people’s attire. Students and staff alike were dressed in various costumes, some magical and some obviously Muggle-made. In a sea of creepy clowns and heavily made-up princesses, Hermione was able to spot Lavender Brown standing in a secluded nock, dressed as a gigantic pink and baby blue cupcake, flirting with a sixth-year Hufflepuff boy wearing a cheap one-piece skeleton suit. Sitting at the edge of the Slytherin table, Draco Malfoy could be seen in an exquisite Victorian-era gown, appearing to be disgusted with the way his two friends Crabbe and Goyle, who were dressed as a mummy and a pirate respectively, were stuffing their faces with black pudding, roasted potatoes and mince pie.

Making her way to the Gryffindor table, Hermione made sure to say hello to Luna Lovegood as she walked past her. The eccentric witch was wearing an unidentifiable mixture of different patterned scraps of cloths paired with a wide array of flashy accessories, which was probably meant to represent some strange creature of which no one but her had ever heard. After fighting her way through the sizeable crowd, the Head Girl then finally reached her friends.

“Bloody hell, Hermione!” Ron exclaimed, waving his fork, and the piece of Beef Wellington impaled on it, at her. He was dressed in an Auror uniform. “You look smokin’ hot! You’re a sexy kitten or what?”

He flashed her a crooked smile, but she merely cringed at his lousy and rather vulgar attempt at flirting – it seemed as though he still had not got the memo that she just was not interested in him that way.

But it was in fact true that she was dressed as a cat. After taking the longest time deciding on a costume, Hermione had spent the better part of her afternoon getting ready for the feast. Throwing her outfit together from scratch, she had put on a tight-fitting, long-sleeved bodysuit and paired it with fishnet stockings and a pair of high-waisted faux leather shorts – all in black, of course. She had then used her magic skills to transfigure a pair of fuzzy socks into a headband with feline ears, followed by turning an old scarf into a tail. To top off her outfit, she had added a black lace-trimmed collar as well as high-heeled over-the-knee boots. Her makeup was kept simple, with only some basic pencil eyeliner strokes across her face to mimic a cat’s primary features, and as for her hair, well, she had just let it do its own wild thing. Granted, the outfit she was wearing was a lot more revealing than what Hermione would normally go for, but for some reason, she did not care that night. She thought that her look was fierce, and it made her feel powerful somehow.

Ignoring her pasty-skinned friend’s goggling eyes, she smiled at the couple seated next to him. Harry was dressed as a noble king, cheap plastic crown and all, and Ginny, who was sitting on his lap, was wearing a scarecrow costume. She greeted them, and they all chatted for a bit, but for some reason, something appeared a bit off with her best friend; the redhead seemed somewhat distracted. Not wanting to make a scene in front of everybody, Hermione made a mental note to ask her about it later. She was used to Harry being morose around this time of year, but seeing Ginny that unusually quiet set off red flags in her mind.

Turning her attention to the table filled with all kinds of tasty dishes, her mouth started to water. Before she helped herself to anything, however, she cast a glance at the High Table. A quick scan of the people seated at it later, she had to suppress her laughter. Sitting on the large golden chair in the middle, Professor Dumbledore instantly stood out in what was apparently a life-size replica of his favourite candy, sherbet lemon. Next to the headmaster, Professor McGonagall was sporting a kind of toned-down, more age-appropriate Snow White costume, which made her look surprisingly adorable. Professor Vector and Professor Babbling were both dressed up as Cleopatra, Madam Hooch had put on her favourite Quidditch team’s uniform, and Professor Sprout was – surprise, surprise – some sort of plant. A zombie Professor Flitwick could be seen conversing with Professor Sinistra, who was wearing a stripped burglar costume, and Hagrid was dressed in a painfully small Popeye costume. Professor Trelawney was a mouse, Professor Burbage resembled a gumdrop machine for some reason, and Lupin depicted a dog – that last one made her giggle yet again. The only one without a costume was Professor Binns, though that seemed obvious, given his ghost body.

Merely one person was missing: the Potions Master. Hermione could not help but feel a little bit disappointed. She had known that he probably would not show up, but she had still allowed herself to have some hope.

The young woman spent the next hour or so devouring Hogwarts’ finest foods while conversing and laughing with her housemates, almost forgetting about her tutor’s absence from the feast. Finally leaning back with a full stomach, she stuck her hands in the pockets of her shorts.

“What the –“

Stunned, she pulled out a tiny, folded piece of paper which had definitely not been there at the beginning of the night. Opening it under the table, out of view from her seatmates, she read the short note.

Entrance hall, now.

Hermione instantly knew whose meticulous handwriting that was. She had to give it to him, sneaking a message into the very clothing she was wearing without her noticing required skill, and she was definitely impressed. Excusing herself from the table under the pretence of having to use the bathroom, she quickly left the room through the tall double doors, forcing them apart just wide enough for her to slip through.

Once in the Front Hall, she glanced around but saw no one. Taking one more step into the room, she sharply jolted when she suddenly caught movement out of the corner of her eyes. She whipped around just in time to witness the Potions professor emerge from behind the Slytherin house point hourglass. Looking at his oval face, she could have sworn that she saw his eyes widen for a second as they wandered across her body.

“Professor Snape,” she said, a bit out of breath.

“Miss Granger, you are … a cat?” She could hear the clear disbelief in his voice, and for some reason, that made her snigger.

“Well yes, sir, it’s my costume!” She frowned as she eyed his attire. “But I can see that you stuck with your decision not to dress up.”

“That is not entirely true.”

Her eyebrows knitted in bemusement. “I don’t think I understand. You look the same as you always do.”

She could see him take a deep breath, almost as if he were psyching himself up, before he did something that she was sure no one had ever seen him do: He flashed her a big smile.

Hermione let out an audible gasp of astonishment. At first, she was too shocked to do anything but stare directly at him. Professor Snape’s smile seemed a bit unnatural and more or less forced, but she still had to admit that it made him look a lot younger and less stern. That in turn made something unfamiliar stir deep inside her, but she chose to ignore that for now.

It was only after a few moments that she noticed something odd about his teeth. His two upper incisors seemed a bit out of place. They were quite long, almost as if they were fangs. Combined with his long, dark robes, that kind of made him look like a –

“You’re dressed as a vampire!” she spat out, positively flabbergasted. When he gave an affirmative nod, she felt a rush of excitement travel through her entire body. He had actually done it! Severus Snape had dressed up at her suggestion!

Hermione knew that she was about to push her luck hard, but she was simply so overjoyed that she could not possibly control her emotions. With one big leap, she closed the distance between them and threw her arms around her teacher.

“Happy Halloween, Professor!” she rejoiced as she buried her face in the black fabric covering his broad chest.

*************** *************** ***************

He could feel the warmth radiating from her body which was tightly pressed against his. He could smell the fruity scent of her favourite shampoo coming from her voluminous locks as they tickled his beaked nose. He could hear her slightly accelerated breathing, his arms wrapped around her torso rising just a little at every breath. He could see a small birthmark, so tiny that it was almost invisible, situated at the nape of her neck. And for just a moment, he allowed himself to melt into her hug, his eyes closed shut.

Severus Snape was doomed, and he knew it. But in that exact moment, he did not care one bit.

(Click here for chapter 14!)

[xxgoblin-dumplingxx]

Off Day: Fourteen

It had taken some convincing. And some bribery. And a promise that you could paint whatever you wanted as long as it looked cool and not too girly, but Nat had gotten you to agree to paint a wall of the clubhouse. An accent wall. A mural. Whatever but, you were doing it, even if you were still currently drawing out your designs.

Keeping busy was apparently your secret. Being busy and taking your medication which Bucky could respect. You’d politely declined therapy, stating that if you ever went to a therapist, they’d probably just throw you in the dumpster and inform your family to just start over. Still. You were steadily gaining back some healthy weight and had the energy to do things. It was a start.

A good start, Bucky reflected as he inspected the trail of love bites you’d left on his chest. He shook his head. You could be such a brat on your good days, pouty and mischevious. It made him itch to turn you over his knee and spank your bottom until it was the perfect shade of red to suit his mood. Still. He was happy that you were stable. That you were coping with things.

It didn’t mean there were no bad days, where all your depression and anxiety and pain were so loud that all you wanted to do was curl up in bed and cry yourself back to sleep. On those days, he was thankful for Salem. She’d stand on your back and scream until you got up to feed her. Or fill the water bowl she knocked over. You’d let yourself go without food or water but you’d never do that to your cat. He’d learned to let you get up and do it. Once you fed Salem, it was a shower. Once you showered, you got dressed. Once you dressed it was coffee, and by then, you felt alive enough to be on your feet. Routine helped, he realized. And having him there. He spent more time at your house than he did at his anymore. Not that he minded. Your bed was more comfortable.

Bucky changed his shirt and walked back out to the front. It was abnormally quiet. Nat had turned the Jukebox down and everyone appeared to be waiting for something. “Nat what-” he asked, looking to where Sam and Clint had subtly posted themselves near you as you worked, momentarily oblivious.

Nat shook her head and quietly indicated where Char and her Posse had rolled up, clearly intending to cause trouble. Char was still sore that her plot to Baby trap Bucky hadn’t worked. And more sore that the new rumor in town was that he moved in with you because he’d knocked you up and was going to help take care of the baby. The only explanation the biddies at the beauty shop could come up with for the sudden healthy flush in your face and a little bit of weight gained. “Jesus Christ,” Bucky groaned, “Nat, can’t you throw them out?”

“I could. But honestly, I don’t wanna miss the show,” Nat said smirking.

“Nat, Y/N’s never been in a fight.”

“Yeah she has,” Nat snorted, “Just because she doesn’t advertise it doesn’t mean she can’t fight... I mean Char runs her mouth all over town and hasn’t realized that if you break your hand throwing a punch you probably did it wrong.”

“Fuck me,” he sighed, starting over to you, “I can’t-” But he doesn’t get to finish that sentence. Char’s perfume clogs his nose and he has this sense of impending doom in the bit of his stomach, “Hey, Buckaroo,” she purred, “Looks like your pet psycho is out of the looney bin still, and it paints. How sweet.”

Bucky can’t even answer. Before he can blink you’re standing between them. You might have to look up a Char but there’s no doubting that you’re not intimidated. “Nat,” you ask, “Did you pull the string on her back? I didn’t know the new line of Prosti-tots came out.”

Char reared back to hit you, her girls whipping out phones in the background and Bucky can’t do anything. There isn’t time. She gets a hit in. A bad one. It misses because you turn your head to deflect it, reaching up while she’s angry. Distracted. And grabbing the back of her head. Faster than Bucky thought possible. You bounce her face a few times off the bar and shove her backward over the nearest table, “Any of you come near him again and I’ll show you psycho, you stupid cunt. He said no. That’s it. It’s over.”

One the floor, Char is mewling and screaming and her girls are struggling to get her off the floor. They yell a bunch of inarticulate things about you going to pay and you bing a bitch but you don’t speak as they’re escorted out. You don’t have to. You didn’t throw the first punch.

Nat wordlessly hands you a Shirley Temple and you take a sip, “Thanks.”

“Any time,” she snorted, “Just don’t fuck up my face.”

“Please. Her plastic surgeon fucked that up long before I got to it.”

Bucky looked from the makeup smeared on the bar back to you and pulls you against his chest, kissing you hard. You make a soft surprised noise against his lips and he pulls you closer with a soft growl, ignoring a chorus of whistles and people telling him to get a room. He doesn’t care. He needs to tell you how fucking hot that was. How fucking scared he’d been. A visceral, knee jerk reaction to someone that had actively tried to ruin his life to make him stay with her. Being with you. Someone who really loved him had made him realize how fucking abusive Char was. She didn’t feed him shots at the bar so he'd have a good time. She did it so she could control him. All her demands and mood swings and tantrums were meant to keep him on the line. Craving approval she’d never really give him. He’d assumed relationships were supposed to be that exhausting. 

Until now. Until you showed him what mutual affection and respect was supposed to look like. Even on your worst day. Even when you felt like dying. You made sure he had what he knew you loved him. You’d bring him a coffee or send him a picture of a cool ass bike you saw online. Smudge sleepy kisses against his lips when he tucked you into bed. Hell, doing the dishes after he made supper. 

When he finally pulls away, needing to breathe before he throws you over his shoulder and sets you on the nearest flat surface to fuck you stupid, you look up at him wide-eyed and breathless. “Thank you,” he murmurs, rubbing your kiss swollen lower lip with his thumb. 

“Anything for you, handsome,” you answer, kissing his thumb.

Bucky doesn’t have to explain. You know what abuse looks like. How it feels to long for approval and never get it. How it feels to be with someone you love and still feel alone. How easy it is to tolerate the abuse you believe you deserve, because how could You. You of all people ever deserve better. Your reaction to the look on his face had been instant. You’d heard him in the quiet. And Her. When you turned and saw the hunted, anxious look on his face at the corners of his eyes and in the shape of his mouth, you just couldn’t sit back and let Nat do it. He didn’t belong to Nat. He belonged to you. He was Yours and you’d be damned if that woman was ever going to touch him again.

“Come watch me work?” you ask, wanting his company but not wanting to keep him from his friends. 

“Can I heckle?” he teased kissing your nose.

“Only if you make it up to me later,” you tell him grinning.

“Deal.”

____________

“Buck,” Steve asked later, when you were sitting at the bar, very intently drawing on the arm he didn’t need to drink his beer, “What the fuck is she doing?”

“Designing a cover up for the bullshit tats you didn’t talk me out of.” he answers.

“Why?” he asked.

Bucky shrugged, trying to keep his arm still.

“Bucky stop moving,” you scold.

“It tickles right there,” he protested.

“Clients,” you grouse.

Steve walks around the stool to peer over your shoulder, “Hey, that’s not bad,” he said, “Y/N you do tats?”

You shrug sitting up to stretch your back and push your glasses up, “I did an apprenticeship but didn’t stay with it. The shop stole a shit load of my art. Then tattooed it. Badly.”

“Ever done any pin-ups?” Clint asked.

“I’ve drawn them,” you tell him, “I toyed with the idea of putting one over all the scarring on my thigh but couldn’t work out how to incorporate the scarring and make it look right.”

Clint nodded, “Would you do one on me?” he asked.

You shake your head, “Bucky bought me a new kit but it’s been a long time since I tattooed skin. I’d have to do some work on pig skin before I’d feel comfortable tattooing anyone.”

“Hell,” Nat said taking a pull of her beer, “That alone means you’re probably a better artist than the scratchers in this hell hole.”

You shrug, “Probably but, I’d just feel more comfortable with some time to practice before I mess with someone’s skin.”

“Where do you even buy pigskin?”

“Butchers,” you answer, inspecting your work on your boyfriend's arm and nodding to yourself, uncapping a green marker. 

Bucky makes a mental note to track some down somewhere, He’d love it if you’d put a tattoo on him. Even if it isn’t a big one. Maybe just a little something somewhere. Lip prints on that spot on his thigh that made him giggle when you brushed your lips across it. A morning-glory, your favorite flower on the inside of his wrist. Something to remind him he belonged to you, even when he didn’t feel good enough. Even if people stared at him when he took you out for dinner. The big scary biker that smelled vaguely of oil and gasoline no matter how hard he scrubbed. It clung to him. The calloused hands that were almost never clean enough to not make him feel like he was going to leave dirt on the table cloth. He felt awkward and out of place while you looked clean and fresh in a blouse and cute skirt. He’d like the morning glory idea. He’d have to have you draw one on him so he could get it tattooed properly. He liked having a reminder where he could see it. 

“Baby girl?” he murmured, “You got any room left to draw something for me?”

“A little,” you say, pushing your glasses up, “Got something you wanna take on a test drive?”

He smiles a little and kisses the end of your nose, “I just want a little flower,” he said, “A morning-glory.”

Your cheeks heat a little and you go through your bag of sharpies for the colors you need. “Where’d you want it? You don’t have much real estate for me to work with.”

“Right here,” he said pointing to a spot of bare skin on the inside of his wrist. You nod and start drawing. “You know this won’t stay on there right?” you remind him.

“I guess that just means you’ll have to keep drawing it on for me. Least til you actually want to bust out your kit.” he hums, leaning down to kiss your hair.

Clint made a noise suggestive of gagging and Nat smacked him in the back of the head, quietly trying not to giggle. This was possibly the cutest thing to ever happen in her bar and she was really, really thankful she got pictures. Your kids some day were gonna need to see their dad look at you like he was right now.

Tags: @lancsnerd @etherealwaifgoddess @thorfanficwriter @blameitonthecauseway @stevieang @wellfucksorrymum

[nth-generation-kpop]

So Nothing’s Left Unturned

Chapter: 5/?

Word count: ~2000

Summary:  Somehow, Woojin couldn’t quite feel bad for ending things. Somehow, Chan couldn’t quite feel bad about kicking Changbin out. Somehow, the two couldn’t quite stay away from each other. 

Chapter V -- These Streets

Kim Woojin was in way over his head with this one, and he knew it.

The following Thursday afternoon found him still in a relationship, in a familiar apartment, lying in the arms of one boy but thinking of another. He traced lazy patterns against Doyun’s stomach, wondering how he got this far. He was supposed to be watching some campy, over-testosteroned action film with badly executed dialogue and even worse graphics-- his boyfriend’s favorite type of movie. Woojin spaced out almost immediately, and what his mind wandered to was troubling though not surprising.

After his discussion with Chan at the party, Woojin was convinced he simply needed to put in the work. Relationships aren’t always easy, and this was the part where the work came in. He texted Doyun, feigned loneliness, and they headed back to the party 10 minutes later, together. He said that he didn’t think Doyun would like hanging out with a bunch of his friends and Doyun promised that if he got bored he’d drag Woojin out for something more fun. Half an hour into being there Doyun was anxious to leave and Woojin actively ignored him until it was too blatant to be ignored by their friends. They left, went back to Woojin’s apartment instead. They’d talked about how it seemed harder lately, how they both were having a hard time. They agreed that they were good together, that they would put in more effort, and they spent the night together. It was all good, great, except it wasn’t.

He wasn’t a big party person, but he felt a pang of bitterness as they left. Chan looked sad when he’d said goodbye, and after the talk they’d had he felt incredibly guilty for bailing. Or maybe he was imagining the fake smile and the sadness in Chan’s eyes. Maybe he wasn’t even regretful of having left the party, and feelings from a long time ago were simply peaking through. He’d buried them so long ago that he didn’t know what to do now. He had no idea how to deal with them, right after he’d committed to working things out with his current boyfriend.

Who was boring. And way less genuine than Bang Chan. And had horrible taste in TV.

But the issue was that Woojin was still dating Doyun, actively cuddling with him, while reconsidering his goal to make things work. All he wanted to do was be with Chan again, and that guilt was eating away at him. He sat up, patting Doyun's chest and climbing off the couch.

“What's wrong?”

“Nothing, I've just got an early morning tomorrow. I'm picking up an extra shift, and then I've got class,” Woojin lied smoothly, bending down to kiss Doyun quickly. “I want to get some extra sleep and the movie isn’t… catching my attention.”

“Okay, is everything alright?” Doyun was still half watching the movie, blatantly, and Woojin repressed the urge to roll his eyes.

“Yeah, of course. Just tired.” He grabbed his coat and promised to lock the door on his way out, waving as he tried to leave both quickly and casually.

As he walked, his mind cycled through a million things. He thought about how Doyun was different than all his other relationships. They had a lot in common, Woojin thought, but in all the wrong ways. When he met Doyun he’d been excited to meet someone clean cut, with goals and ambitions and timelines-- who looked so good on paper. He tended to love boys who lived in the abstract, artsy or creative, with lofty goals of Manhattan galleries and Park Avenue high rises. Even the more salt-of-the-earth ones were intelligent, held this intoxicating depth that left Woojin drunk off of their conversations. His boys lit a fire in him, inspired him, and when he met Doyun he felt that same fire.

When he reached his own apartment, he locked the door and then slid to the floor against it, leaning his head back and closing his eyes. The fire he felt died out as soon as it ripped through Doyun's paper thin persona, nothing to sustain it further than that besides wishful thinking. They didn't talk about things that didn't matter, let alone things that did. Where he could bring up stupid debates like is lasagna a layer cake for stupid fun with the others, Doyun would just brush them off. ‘That's a weird question’ or ‘why does it matter’ or Woojin's absolute favorite, a dismissive ‘you're so funny.’ They were juvenile questions, and Woojin told himself he must need to grow up. This was a real adult relationship, one that could go somewhere and be stable for a long time. He didn't have to worry about Doyun chasing his dreams in some distant city or moving for an exclusive apprenticeship or secretly living out of his car because ‘starving artist’ was his brand no matter how many clay busts of Janet Jackson or whatever he sold on Etsy. A real adult relationship, latched onto him and sucking his soul right out of his body.

Had he brooded over this long enough to settle the decision to break things off though? Thinking about Chan reminded him how long it had been since he was truly alone, single and not courting the idea of his next relationship through flirtatious something or others. He’d also never craved it before, being single. Of course, with Bang Chan in the back of his mind he wasn't 100% confident that single is what he would be after following his impending break up.

Their little talk ruined everything. He read way too far into what Chan had said about needing time, and hearing his friend talk about not thinking himself worthy of a relationship just made Woojin want to love him fiercely. It made him think back to 2 or 3 years before when they first met, racking his brain for any indication that maybe he'd been wrong. So he did what he always did when he was at a loss with Bang Chan, he texted Jisung.

Woojinnie-hyung Weird question…

Jisungie Is it one of those buzzfeed ‘is water wet’ bullshit questions again? Please no.

Woojinnie-hyung No, it's about Chan. We talked the other day and… I don't know I was just wondering if he's ever dated anyone that you know of?

Jisungie Uhhhh, this feels kind of weird I don't want to talk about him behind his back but no? Unless he's hiding it from everybody and we all know Bang Chan is a terrible liar

Woojinnie-hyung Sorry, I shouldn't put you in this position, it's nothing serious. I'm just curious I guess

Jisungie It's okay, it's because you care about him

Woojinnie-hyung Yeah

Jisungie I'm not going to ask what you talked about because that's between you two but… why now? Why are you curious all of the sudden

Woojinnie-hyung Ahh, well its mostly because of what we talked about. It was the other night at his party

Jisungie Right, I noticed that Doyun showed up really late and you left really early… u okay?

Woojinnie-hyung Yes and no, it’s complicated. I fixed things last weekend but it just ended up breaking things more I think, I don't know

Woojinnie-hyung He's not what I want.

Jisungie No offense but I could have told you that a month ago 

Woojinnie-hyung Wow thanks

Jisungie I know it's a shitty thing to say but it's true

Woojinnie-hyung I actually kind of appreciate it… I need to hear it so I know I'm not crazy for wanting to break up with him when he's sort of perfect

Jisungie Everybody is perfect for someone, he's just not perfect for you

Woojinnie-hyung When did you get so smart

Jisungie Ahh, I'm blushing But seriously, I've known you for X NUMBER OF YEARS right? I know exactly who you're perfect for by now

Woojinnie-hyung Oh really, well send them my way why don't you

Jisungie Now where is the fun in that? I may have been Cupid for Halloween but this love god is all about autonomy 😜 you know what you're doing, just trust yourself

Woojinnie-hyung What would I do without you, Jisung?

Jisungie Let's hope for your sake you never have to find out

“If you're going to stay there that's fine, but I think Seungmin is on his way home…” a voice came from the doorway to the kitchen, making Woojin jump.

“Shit, hi.” Woojin hauled himself off the floor and smiled at his roommate. “I didn't realize you were awake.”

Hwang Hyunjin was a dancer, one with incredible discipline and a fairly rigid routine that had him in bed by 10pm and out of the house for training by 7am every day. Some weeks he felt like he barely saw the boy, let along talked to him except on weekends. He was tall, lithe, and one of Woojin's most talented and hardworking friends. They'd moved in together on a whim when Hyunjin was a freshman along with Kim Seungmin and it had been a roaring success.

“Yeah I’m awake... are you okay?”

Woojin sighed. “I’m… okay.”

“You sure?”

“Nope.” Woojin smiled, patting Hyunjin on the shoulder and heading down the hall.

“You can talk to me. Seungmin too,” Hyunjin said, making Woojin turn around.

“I… thanks. I might take you up on that sometime, but uh… not tonight?”

“Yeah, sure. Just… we like you, I consider you as a friend not just a roommate. I hope you feel that way too.”

Woojin smiled, crossing the room to hug Hyunjin. “I really do. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

They parted ways, and at least Woojin went to bed feeling lighter. Doyun or not, he’d always have his friends, and that’s all he really needed.

If only that didn’t get him thinking about Bang Chan once again, he would have slept soundly that night.

~~~~~

A couple days later, Chan’s phone vibrated in his pocket as he was closing his fridge. He half expected it to be his mother or his father, maybe one of his siblings, but he definitely didn’t expect the name that flashed at the top of his screen. Setting aside the cold bottles, Chan hesitated a moment before answering the call in a low voice. “Hey.”

“Hi. Chan.” He said it as if he was surprised, as if it was two separate thoughts. Not quite a question, but as if he was reassuring himself of something.

Chan didn’t know how to answer. “You never actually call me.”

“I call you!”

That made him smile. “You text me, that’s different,” he pointed out.

Woojin hesitated. “I call you”

Chan clicked his tongue. “You call me when I’m late for something and—” he stopped short. “And when you break up with your boyfriends”

“Yeah.” Something stirred in Chan’s stomach as they sat in silence, and he pulled the phone away from his ear to check whether Woojin had hung up. “I should call more”  

“I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s good. I wasn’t… happy. This thing with Doyun, it was throwing everything off. It’s good.”

“I was actually just going to order takeout… do you want to come over?”

“Yeah, I was… well I’m standing outside that ramen place you like, so I could pick that up? I was going to pick that up, but then I thought I should make sure you weren’t busy.”

“Yeah, that sounds great.”

“I know your order, can I be there in half an hour?”

“Of course, come over whenever.”

“Thanks Chan.” There was a sadness in Woojin’s voice that Chan didn’t quite recognize, a longing that hadn’t been there for all the other boyfriends. It tore at his heart, but at this point he wasn’t sure if that was because he was seeing his friend in pain, or because he was seeing a man he had feelings for broken up over another.

“Of course,” he said, but Woojin had already hung up.

He stared at his phone until Woojin’s contact photo disappeared, then he quickly turned around and stuck his head into the living room. Changbin sat cross-legged on his couch, mouth open, chopsticks poised to stuff a dumpling into his mouth until Chan called his name.

“Sorry. I need you to leave. And take the food with you.”

“Now?” The younger boy looked down at their numerous takeout boxes.

“Yes. Share with Felix, or keep it for leftovers, I don’t care I just need you to be gone by the time Woojin gets here.”

Changbin gave him a knowing look. “Jisung said he was going to--”

“Yeah, he did.”

“And you’re what?” He raised an eyebrow at Chan, almost judging. “Be here to pick up the pieces like always.”

“That’s enough for me,” Chan assured him (and himself).

Changbin huffed, shoving the dumpling in his mouth and beginning to pack up the rest. “It shouldn’t be. Maybe it doesn’t have to be.”

“It does,” Chan said. “For now, at least, it does.”

[creepylittlemarvelgirl]

Just some thoughts of a real disturbed person

Hey! My name is Domi, and I suffer from major psychic deseases, such as anxity, depression and self destructive tendencies.

Trying to live a normal life is harder for someone like me than for average people. And I can’t help myselve anymore.

I’m too anxious and mistrusting to talk to doctors and my so-caled friends left me all by myself, misundestanding and disapproving, thinking I’m weird because I’m too sensitive… I feel all alone in this world.

My family is awesome, but can’t help me. I refuse to take pills which change my character and put my brain into a blender working at the highest level. Feels too squishy inside, feels wrong, feels just like being pulled out of myself and something else is being stuffed in, like riding a strange human-shaped vehicle with no real connection to the world around, not being able to think or feel… no pills for me…

All my ‘friends’ - those people I was at school with - are successful, have families, children or a great carrer in wonderful jobs. Someone who loves and appreciates them, or even enough money to travel, or to live well, or at least to buy health - physic and psychologic.

I’m all alone. Every one I had in my live, every man I loved left me. I used to think it was because they were too weak, but it was because I am too sick. Not only psychological but also physical.

I never had much luck in my live. Sometimes I think I consumed all the luck of my life when I was a kid. Or more precisely a tomboy. I allways tried to keep up with the elder boys, trying stunts with the bike - hell, I think I was five or six years old - oh god, I was so fearless. I never thought of consequences, I… just… sort of… DID things. Because I thought it could be fun. Other kids were fun. Being active was fun. Just doing without thinking was fun. I was in hospitals quite often to get stitched together again. Fingers, an eyebrow…but that wasn’t so scary at all.

At elementary school - I suppose - I began to fear other kids. I lived in a small district of a small village. They called it the ghetto of the village, 2 kilometers away from the main provincial town. We were outsiders, aliens, just moved here from another part of the country. We? My sister and I. We’ve allways had a tough time. But she came out of it as the winner. Me instand…I am a real loser. We both were bullied, but she is strong. I am not.

At the age of 8, the pain I felt for about 2 years in my right hip brought me to the hospital, diagnosis: congenital dislication of the hip. And the doctors telling me not to walk one more step or I will have to live a life in a wheelchair. 2 weeks later and they would never had the chance to help me. It means no sports for a long time. No jumping around. No running or riding the bike anymore.

And I got fat…and depressed. At the age of 14 the last ridge broke. No warning, no trigger, no point at which anything could be changed or be done different. Just deep sadness. Pure loneliness. The feeling of having no control over anything. And the painful fear of people, as well as the deep fear of being alone and isolated because noone seemed to care. It was the years of one of the biggest mistakes in my whole life. Rejecting my best friend - my only true friend - telling me to love me for quite a while. Stupid…hurting the only one who stepped in when the others not only bullied but beat me up.

Secondary school was a pain in the ass. The best school in the next greater town was a catholic girls school. Yay…barbies and I-am-better-than-everyone-attitudes. And more bullying. More enemies. More fear. To wake up, to get up, to lose more and more control of what will come next.

The school psychologist told me I was not ill, but there is simply nobody who likes me or cares about me. Just like that. A teen sitting across the table of the liaison teachers room crying her heart out for chists sake and all this woman told me that I am the asshole in my own sad story. And I believed it. I must have been a realy mean person, from my 4th year of my live up to this moment at the age of 16…maybe 17 years. Fuck. I was a monster because everyone hated me. Everyone despite the outsiders. The lonely ones. The weirdos. I seemed to geather them all around me. They never liked me or loved me…but they tollerated me.

After I finished school - I did my ‘abitur’, not bad for me having depression and dyslexia and poor cognitive performance because of the depression - I was too down to chose a way in live. I lost 2 years because I had to repeat. I was unlovable, stupid, a goth/punk/what ever, a kind of outlaw and I never knew what to do. To fullfill my dreams I was to weak. As a child I wanted to become a singer and actor, I was on stage in school theatre and sang at christmas plays. But for that I was too fearful. Not self-confident enough. Not good enough. I liked sewing but no one wanted to educate me so I could go to design school…to become a fashion designer. I tried to become a goldsmith, applied me to nearly every crearive apprenticeship I could think of. But no luck. Used it up as a child, remenber? So I was bold and tried to study, together with my boyfriend. I was 22. He left me shortly after we started. And I lost my courage. I was so deep in my depression…he was a gamer as well as I was…and still am. After that I started an apprentice at a medical supply shop for patients. They gave me a chance. But what a price to pay… without my next boyfriend I don’t think I would have take the chance. The second year he left me - for my best friend. I was devastated. So deep down in my depression…I wanted to die and tried to achieve this…but my sister rescued me…and took me to an asylum.

I was too smart to talk about everything in my mind. I talked about some of my fears, some of my thoughts, some of my problems, but not quite each and everything. They would have never let me go again, I’m quite sure of that. I did all the exercises I had to do and after 5 weeks I could go back home and work again. I fought…again…and again I won. But this struggle exhausted both my last bit of luck and cosmic favor AND my last fighting spirit. I simply never wanted to be forced to fight anymore. I was so tired.

My life went on. My friends who saw what heappened and pulled me out of my deep hole of sadness and disgusting self-pity are long gone now. I never gained the trust too love somebody or to let somebody in again. I am still a lonely child, stuck in a hostile world. About 7 years has passed. And I got nothing quite to live for. I loved to sew, to paint, to tinker, to collect…but I never seem to have enough energy to do both, to live AND to work. My work consumes all my energy.

I cry allot. In the evenings, when my brain runs out of chemical messengers…out of serotonin and other body’s own happy-substances…when I’m all alone in my flat that depresses me even more. The low ceilling, the missing sunlight, the location too far away from my work place. I don’t even have a pet being allergic to cats, dogs, rabbits, birds…and I love animals so much…

Why I write this? I don’t even know! Perhaps because it is much easier to write to an anonymous audiance than to speak to 'friends’ who you know never will understand a thing…a word…and you know will say: don’t be so sensitive! Stop whining! Are you like 4 or what? …I think I write this because I know there are others like me, struggelling every flarking day to just stay alive because of all the problems, the downs, the sorrows, the anxity, the depression…we love life. And some people just see crybabies whining… sure, could be worse… could be homeless, hungry and… well deadly ill… but who says I/we am/are not? I’m living in a cruel world without anyone who wants to provide a shelter. I’m hungry for love and paitence and hugs and cuddling kittens and puppies and the man I love… if there even was one. And having suicidal tendencies IS a fucking deadly illness despite everyone thinking it isn’t. So go fuck yourselfe! We are no crybabies, we are strong BECAUSE we still live! And we simply don’t know how long we can affort the strength to stay alive. That’s just tha way I feel. One girl (or rather a women despite me feeling like a teen anymore) out of 7.5 milliards of human beings. Who knows. perhaps someone will read this. and cries. And smiles. And fells accepted and undestood.

I don’t know you, but you are stong and wonderful. Stay alive and kicking. I know you can. I hope you can.

Love and appreciation from a real disturbed person

[breakdawn-avenue]

I friggin’ love my family, I love them to death but there are times like these that I fucking hate, HATE living with them. I never thought I’d write something about it “openly” on the Internet but I friggin’ can’t take it anymore. I need, need to get it off my chest or else I might explode or, don’t know, do something to myself because I can’t quite bear it. I don’t know. I fucking don’t know. today, I had an interview for a job I, to be honest, don’t want to do. because I have issues, serious issues. I’m working on them (alone, no professional help) since years but recently I have a feeling that I got thrown back to the starting point after seemingly some progress. my family knows about them, actually. they key word is “actually” but they don’t see them as this severe as they should. my parents want, actually want to force me to “pull myself together” so that I finally get a job and fucking earn some money. I try, I TRY so hard, I fucking really do, I always tried so hard during my internships but I mess them up nevertheless. the people pitied me and didn’t give me bad marks / judgements so I don’t mess up the apprenticeship, too. it didn’t help in the end, I messed up my second apprenticeship on my own because of my issues and now I’m looking for a job. but I want to go a far different route than I chose for the apprenticeships. now, the good thing is that the employer would give me the job even though I confessed my issues. the bad thing, the job is still in my previous occupational field. and I, as I stated before, haven’t sorted out my issues yet. my parents, in a way, want to force me to agreeing the job. but instead of listening to me, they make up assumptions (as fucking always!) and state them as the truth. since I requested money from the job center so that I can pay my duties constantly, they think I don’t want to do the job. and “hotel mama” is always the easiest (laziest) way to life. I’m 25 years old, they CONSTANTLY REMEMBER ME THAT, and I should fucking pull myself together. I’m done. I’m so fucking done. I started to cry because I had no chance whatsoever to explain myself. that irritated both even more and said that there was no fucking reason for my to cry like a baby. again. they want me to stop behave like a child and pull my fucking self together. LIKE I CAN! it’s so fucking unfair that I’m not allowed to cry here. at least if it’s not because of emotions when I saw a good movie / television episode / reading a certain text. both of them did try to talk to me but it’s so fucking hard when there’s such a massive wall; they want (to force) me to do a fucking job I’m too scared to do and they seemingly can’t accept that my hesitance because of my fucking issues. now, both of them are mad at me because I refuse to talk to them about that. my father’s mad at me because I don’t want to talk about the why. my mother’s mad at me because I don’t want to talk about the why and that I didn’t agree to do this job right away. they see this behaviour as this stubborn child that doesn’t want to give up its easy (lazy) life. they can’t see that I’m hurt and frustrated by their treatment. there was, at no point, in my life that I could talk with my father about my emotions and thoughts and morals because he a) doesn’t understand me and b) doesn’t fucking WANT to understand me. he regards me as this massive failure, the black, bad and way too dreamy (childish) sheep in our family that can’t do a fucking thing right. my mother doesn’t understand me sometimes, too. but she actively tries. sometimes. and she recognizes my issues as serious more than my father. but she is always wavering between understanding and “PULL YOURSELF FUCKING TOGETHER CHILD! YOU’RE FUCKING 25 YEARS OLD GODDAMMIT!”-yadayada. I FUCKING WISH I COULD! I fucking wish it’d be easy for me to fucking pull myself together. the truth is I CAN’T. I never could. I always tried so fucking hard but it always concluded in messing up. I know that I should get myself help and have to move out. I know that and other people keep telling me that. but I can’t. I don’t have the money to do so. and to have money, I need a job. I have no time for that right now. right now, I’m so friggin’ exhausted as if I’ve been working for eight hours in a residential care home for the elderly. this isn’t exaggerated, I’ve done several internships in them and really do know what it feels like working there. I don’t want to leave my room and move around them because of this constant stupid fear that they force me to talk about that and take this fucking job. or else they throw me out of this home. ugh, I can’t. I want to lay down in my fucking bed, throw the blanket above my head and cry and let this guilt eat me up... like always. why can’t I be happy, steadily, for a good amount of time? why is it always ending in a tragedy like now?