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belfrygargoyles · 3 years

Note

*whispers* I would like to hear what you have to say on reader inserts in the SW fandom because I too have a problem with them and I feel like not enough people are calling it out 👉👈

I’ve made a few posts about it in the past but I think it’s high time I actually Do This and really get into it.

Before I start: 1) This will be in specific reference to fanfiction written for the Star Wars fandom, particularly tcw and the mandalorian eras, 2) A lot of the issues come down to racist fetishization of men of color by white women; I am white, so there is much that is simply not my place to make statements on. What I can speak most on is my take from the gender side of things.

I’d honestly recommend reading this post by @nibeul with addition by @clonehub first, as they discuss the core issue with reader inserts in the Star Wars fandom.

And 3) some of this will involve discussion of sexual acts (as they relate to fanfiction) and sexual fantasies. These discussions will be non-explicit, and no pornographic text or content will be displayed.

Also. I’m GNC and nonbinary. I’m also a very feminine looking person that falls under the generalization of “small and petite.” I don’t have dysphoria, I like my body and the traits I have, and treating them like inherently female sends me into a blind fury. This is, unfortunately, important.

For the sake of making sure I come across as clearly as possible, I will be writing as though the reader of this post has never read or is broadly unfamiliar with reader-insert fanfiction.

Without further ado.

Hey, Star Wars reader insert fic writers? Please get your shit together.

INTRODUCTION

I’ve been reading reader-insert fanfiction since I was a grade schooler waking up early to check Quizilla. I love it! It got me into fandom, kept me engaged, helped me make and develop some of my oldest OCs, and it’s just fun to read and write- it’s like a self-indulgent little gift you can give to a bunch of people all at once. Because who doesn’t like the idea of starring in their own little adventure, usually alongside some of their favorite characters? It can be fun, immersive, get you attached in ways other ways of fandom interaction may not, make you feel just a little bit special, or be a way to express some feelings you might have about canon and the way the story went.

Like any form of fiction, it ends up saying more about the author’s feelings than anything else, whether the author realizes it or not. For many, many authors of reader-insert fanfiction, the primary enjoyment comes from writing “themselves” into the story- before the readers, the author most often makes the “reader character” someone they, themselves, can relate to and substitute for themselves. They write to live out a self-indulgent fantasy they have, and their readers can come along for the ride.

Some writers do actually try to write as diverse or as vague of a reader character as possible- as few details about the body, identity, etc. as possible so anyone could superimpose their image without the narrative directly contradicting it. This is not the kind of reader insert author I will be discussing.

The kind of author I will be discussing is the one most common in the Star Wars tag on Ao3: White, AFAB, cisgender, gender-conforming, able-bodied women who assume all of their readers are also White, AFAB, cisgender, gender-conforming, able-bodied women. Yes, you can tell.

ISSUE: fetishization of men of color

Again, this post puts it in the best words, but there is a rampant problem with Star Wars reader-inserts, particularly those involving the clones, Boba Fett, and Din Djarin, fetishizing characters played by men of color as either “physically aggressive and threatening, hypersexual and dominant, big strong men who are scary because they do violence and fuck constantly when they’re not” or “completely inexperienced baby who doesn’t know anything about things and needs a gentle nurturing guiding touch to introduce him to the mere idea of a vagina.” The former is common across all of them, the latter most common among clone trooper fics or Din/Reader.

I went into the Boba Fett/Reader tag on Ao3, because I like him and hoped to find something alright. Here are some stats I tallied up (give or take some) based solely on tags, summaries, and warnings:

There are 284 works in the Boba Fett/Reader category as of the time of this post.

198/284 are rated E for explicit sexual content. 69.7% of all Boba Fett/Reader works are sexually explicit.

259/284 are in the F/M category. 91.2% of all Boba Fett/Reader works involve an explicitly female or AFAB reader.

24/284 are tagged with or mention “Age difference,” “Older man/Younger woman,” “Innocence kink” or “Virginity kink.” 8.4% of all Boba Fett/Reader works are written explicitly with an age gap, with Boba Fett as the older party

26/198 E rated fics are tagged with or make reference to “Daddy kink” or involve the reader being called some variation of “little girl” by Boba. 13% of all E-rated works under Boba Fett/Reader are daddy kink fics, or allude to Boba Fett being a daddy dom/sugar daddy.

102/198 E rated fics are tagged as, make reference to, or suggest in the summary that Boba Fett takes a dominant sexual role with a submissive reader involving rough or painful play, or make reference to Boba Fett being frightening, physically intimidating, having a power dynamic over the reader, or being possessive or violent. 51.51% of all E-rated works under Boba Fett/Reader portray Boba Fett as sexually dominant and/or enacting use of physical force or pain play.

Just using this as an example, because it’s the easiest stats I can gather and also what made me realize there was a pattern.

The problem isn’t even necessarily that people write explicit fic about Boba- it’s that 1) over half of all fics in the category are explicitly pornographic, and 2) the way those pornographic fics are written. The two things compound on each other. They’re dominance fantasies projected onto a character of color in which he becomes extremely sexual, physically rough with the reader, possessive, and demeaning towards a reader character who is always written as White, AFAB, and petite.

This brings me to the next issue.

ISSUE: The way sexual relationships are portrayed.

Let me clarify so there is no chance of me being misunderstood: sex is good. Liking and wanting and enjoying sex isn’t bad. It is not bad if you are AFAB and have submissive fantasies. It is not bad to be sexually attracted to a man of color. You can write about sex even if you haven’t had it. Writing about sex can be a good way to express some more complicated feelings you could have about certain things. It doesn’t even have to be realistic. It has its time and it has its place.

This being said.

Sexual relationships as they are portrayed in the vast majority of E-rated Star Wars reader inserts are… not great.

The reader is always AFAB. I can think of maybe one fic off the top of my head where an AFAB reader was written with they/them pronouns and not just she/her.

The reader is almost always submissive, the dominant character is almost always portrayed as cis male. Even when the characters are supposed to just be having spontaneous casual sex, D/S or BDSM aspects will be introduced with no prior discussion or talks about it afterwards. Sometimes characters will start using dirty talk and it just does not fit at all, but it’s what the author thought was hot.

Sometimes, it just reads like a quick smutty oneshot. More often than that, it reads like the author doesn’t realize that sex… isn’t always a dom/sub thing. Or that someone can take the lead in sex and that doesn’t automatically make them a dom.

It’s not bad to be inexperienced. It’s not bad to have preferences or kinks or specific turn-ons.

But it gets… tiring to read, over and over and over and over, because that’s all there is.

That and… I dunno, it just has me a little worried? It doesn’t make me feel good knowing so many people can only portray a sexual relationship if it’s dom/sub. I don’t know why it makes me so uneasy.

Vanilla sex isn’t a bad thing I promise. It's this feeling of insistence that something "spicy" absolutely has to happen for it to be worth writing that gives... some weird vibes.

I’m going to move on to the next Big-

ISSUE: Every “reader” character is exactly the same

By which I mean the following:

Always cis AFAB female

If a character is written with gender neutral pronouns they will always be AFAB and written like Girl Lite

I have never seen an explicitly stated nonbinary/gnc reader character unless it was a request specifically for a nonbinary reader

I have never seen a gender neutral reader insert fic where the reader was AMAB

I have seen a grand total of 1 cis male reader fic and 1 trans male reader fic. The trans male reader fic was about dysphoria.

The reader is allowed to have one of the following backstories: slave/runaway, mechanic, medic, ex-Rebel, secret Jedi, bounty hunter.

The reader is allowed to have one of the following personality traits: throws knives, babysitter, completely civilian, WOMAN, says curse words.

The reader is never written with any narrative agency- things only ever happen to the reader character or around the reader character, they are never written to take charge and actually affect things on their own. Essentially the sexy lamp trope.

Remember when I said the majority of people writing Star Wars reader-insert fanfic on Ao3 were White, cisgender AFAB women who are gender-conforming and able-bodied? This is how you can tell.

It’s at this point where you can tell they’re really not meant to be reader-inserts, but author-inserts with the names removed- they were only meant for a very narrow selection of readers.

I’m nonbinary, I’m gnc, and I’m a very feminine looking person, generally speaking. I’m used to people looking at me and assuming oh, girl. I’m at peace with that.

I can barely stand reading some of these fics just because of how much the author emphasizes that the reader is FEMALE shes a WOMAN with BOOBS and a VAGINA and FEMININE WILES. There’s barely ever even a chance to give myself room to mentally vault over all the “she”s and “her”s because then I’m getting hit with Din or someone calling the reader “girl” or “the woman.” It’s unbearable, and I even fall into the general description every fucking fic author uses for their generic protagonist!

Even with the “gender-neutral reader” fics, it is just. Painfully clear that they just wrote a female character and changed the pronouns- no, there is no such thing as “male behavior” or “female behavior,” and I quite heartily rebel against the concept of gender essentialism. And honestly, I can barely even begin piecing together how I know it and what it feels like, because it’s just one of those vague conglomerates of cues and writing patterns I can’t consciously pick up on but I know it’s there- it’s frustrating, it’s demeaning, and it feels like you’d have to threaten these authors at gunpoint to get them to write a reader character who was any major deviation from the same three cutouts they use every time.

It seems like they can’t possibly force themselves to write a reader character who isn’t meek and submissive or has the sole personality traits of “mean and can hit things”- you can actually strike a balance between “absolutely no personality” and “fleshed out oc” you know? And you don’t actually have to tell the reader what their hair looks like or how full their figure is

It’s like 2:20 AM and I started this at like 8something PM but.

I’m someone who loves reader-inserts. I enjoy them. I still check for new ones regularly. I’ve been reading them for well over half my life now.

So many of these authors are just locked in on exactly one way to write things and it fucking shows. It’s like a self-feeding loop, they just keep writing the same things and the same dynamics because they see each other doing it and they never think about taking a step back.

It’s… exhausting. I’m exhausted. If you��re a reader-insert fic writer and you want to improve your reader character inclusivity and have also read this far, you can DM me or shoot me an ask.

#star wars #x reader #star wars x reader #star wars reader insert #maintagging because for once i actually want ppl to see this #i hope my points are made clearly enough #if something needs clarification you can shoot me a DM or an ask

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butwhatifidothis · 3 years

Text

Tumblr is starting to VERY MUCH dislike how long the other reblog chain is getting, so this will be Reblog Chain 2 of my jotting down notes of this fic. Here is the first reblog chain for Chapters 1-20

But it appears as though I was correct in sleeping off Chapter 20, because Chapter 21 is. Hm. bad. Very. Not good.

Chapter 21:

Transcript under the cut:

Chapter 21: It's Called Scars so it Gonna Be Ass

- To be blunt, the constant need to reaffirm that yes, Edelgard went through terrible experimentation and that yes, they were very horrific, is tiring. This is chapter 21. The experiments occurred in chapter 2. Every single chapter between now and then have, at some point, mentioned that INDEED, Edelgard DID in fact go through horrific trauma. It is tiring to the reader to constantly have to reread the same thing - we know it happened. We know it was terrible. There's no need to constantly say so; we already understand as readers.

- "Every time the spark of life broke through Byleth’s blank face, it brought a flickering hope to the Flame Emperor’s heart." ->

- Firstly: Awkward use of the Flame Emperor epithet (its usage is on and off with how appropriate its been - this is off).

- Secondly: Once again, Byleth's face was rarely if ever blank. She was never the Ashen Demon, as even the last chapter showcased. The author is mistaking reservation with emotionlessness, which is simply wrong

- "There had been so many empty days and nights, without friendship, love or joy. With nothing to hope for, except someday, the peace of the grave." -> Suicidal tendencies: another trait that Edelgard doesn't have... (strikes against canon: 89)

- ...but Dimitri does. Counter: 12

- "Dimitri, too, was troubled by the thought, grasping the side of his head and frowning. As the spasm passed, he turned to Edelgard and smiled warmly." -> It seems a little callous to so casually toss Dimitri's symptoms into his interactions with others when such things simply don't occur in the canon interactions. It's not impossible, or strictly against canon, but it does not feel natural; it's more as though the author is shining bright neon signs that say DIMITRI HAS MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES than a genuine attempt at writing Dimitri's mental health issues. This is not the first time this sort of seemingly thoughtless showcasing of symptoms has happened (Noted separately: Dimitri having drastic mood swings)

- "No, this world must be ruled by humans…not cruel gods who ignored the prayers of little girls." -> This statement follows Edelgard internally chastising the actions of not gods, but the Children of the Goddess. This is a weaselly attempt at dodging Edelgard's racist beliefs that Nabateans should not be allowed positions of power by shifting the belief to apply to miscellaneous gods instead. While not inaccurate per se - she does also canonically believe that gods should have no power in human affairs - it is not honest

- "Byleth nodded with childlike simplicity. “We should all try to get along.”" -> Again describing Byleth as childlike and/or innocent. Counter: 3

- For those curious: yes, the rat scene is implemented, yes it is sloppy, yes it is out of character for Claude - so much so that it is being noted separately - and yes it is forced to all hell

- What will be noted here, however, is that this is yet another instance of a man being demeaned/humiliated for the honor of a woman. See quote: "Byleth was on him in an instant, a tempest forming in the sea of her blue eyes. “That isn’t funny.” She crossed her arms sternly. “Jokes are about bringing people together...about making them smile. Right now, the only person laughing is you.”" with Claude reacting awkwardly. Once again, Man Bad Woman Good

- In a showcasing of a complete lack of self-awareness within the fic: "“Maybe if you’d have taught the Deer instead…but since you seem to have no ambitions outside of cleaning up Edelgard’s messes…”" -> This is Claude being portrayed as the bad guy, not the one being completely and utterly right

- " She slapped Edelgard on the back, and smiled heartily. “I agree, Dimitri!” Edelgard grimaced, trying to hide the fact her teacher had just struck the wound she had received during the mock battle." -> As well as where undoubtedly countless scars would be, yes? Scars that still cause Edelgard pain? In fact, Edelgard has been slapped on the back by Byleth and Jeralt numerous times before, and yet expresses no pain or discomfort.

- Another thing, that I had not noted though ought to have: Edelgard, a victim of sexual assault (in this fic), rarely seems to mind people touching her. She gets a little surprised if someone tries to get her attention with touch, yes, but Byleth's constant unprompted and random touching of Edelgard is never said to do anything but bring warmth and joy and comfort to Edelgard. It seems as though Edelgard suffering through sexual assault is just another source of trauma for the author to dump onto her for nothing more than pity points

- This is incredibly harsh to say, yes, and I would usually refrain from attributing such harshness onto a piece of text, but remember that Edelgard's scars only cause her pain when it's convenient, that she only experiences headaches when it's convenient, that she experiences PTSD episodes (when Claude mentions the rat) when it's convenient (note that in this fic he does it outside of battle, where her getting triggered wouldn't compromise her chances at victory). Edelgard not being touch averse and being a victim of sexual assault are not inherently something bad - survivors react to trauma differently, after all - but it is another in a steadily longer line of instances where Edelgard is simply given trauma for the sake of making her pitiable to the reader and the love interest, not something that Edelgard genuinely has to struggle with.

- "As Claude and Dimitri looked at their classmate expectantly, Edelgard was wracked with another bout of guilt. Deep in her soul, the princess knew these peaceful days would end soon. When that happened, no feast or vows of friendship could make up for the chaos and horror she would unleash. It would be better to pull away, close off her heart, rather than fuel the flames of her inevitable betrayal." -> Aka, "Feel bad for me, I feel guilty for planning to cause the death and ruination of countless innocents' lives all because I convinced myself that my way is the only way to get things done my way without ever actually trying to see if more peaceful ways could have worked. I'm going to orphan children, force families to fight each other, have the land be rampaged by banditry, and overall bring chaos onto these days that I ADMIT ARE PEACEFUL all because I feel that my way would be better. Wah wah pity me but I don't wanna be pitied I promise wah wah."

- "Byleth shrugged with a characteristic blend of innocence and spirit. “I guess I just like winning.” She began to blush and grabbed Edelgard’s hand. "It's so exciting! I’ve never had anyone other than Papa to celebrate with before!”" -> Byleth = innocent/childlike. Counter: 4

- The fic likes to reaffirm again and again that Byleth is "now" only acting like this due to Edelgard's presence in her life. Note also these statements written previously: "Every day, [Edelgard] was watching the person she loved grow and change. Become who she always was supposed to be." This, perhaps unintentionally, again enforces the "Lesbian Love is Pure and Innocent" trope; these wlw are only allowed to be their good girl, innocent selves - who they were always supposed to be - due to the pure lesbian love they have found with one another

- Count Bergliez didn't know of the experiments initially, but he eventually found out and did nothing to stop them, fleeing from a young and tortured El who was pleading for him to save her - Unnecessarily painting Count Bergliez as a spineless coward too afraid of Duke Aegir to save a child in pain

- Once again, a man fails to save a woman and further traumatizes her

- It should be noted that Bergliez is fearful not for his own life, but for that of his children, who were the ones Duke Aegir threatened. He, very similar to Ionius, cannot save Edelgard, except Bergliez (unlike Ionius) has a tangible, physical, explainable reason as to why he couldn't, and yet it is him who is painted as the bad guy, not Ionius. He is worthy of Edelgard's scorn and hatred, but Ionius only receives a begrudging feeling of betrayal from Edelgard that she feels guilty for harboring, even though he failed her far more than Bergliez failed her.

- "Daughters must always be loyal to their fathers" trope

- "No decent person thought the things Edelgard did. Just as her body had been twisted and shattered by the experiments, her mind bore terrible scars. Scars that the monster kept hidden, so she could walk in the world of men." -> Dehumanizing oneself as a monster as well as having violent thoughts (that specifically stem from trauma) one feels guilty for harboring are not traits Edelgard shows in canon... (strikes against canon, 90, 91)

- ...but Dimitri does. Counter: 13, 14

- "world of men?" Did the author perhaps mean "world of man," as in mankind? Keep note of

- The reason as to why Bergliez is said to have witnessed young El's tortured state and did nothing to help her is revealed: in canon, he dislikes her. It is blatantly and objectively said that he and Edelgard share a mutual displeasure in the other's company. What this fic had him do will be used as an excuse as to why he doesn't hate her, since no one is allowed to dislike Edelgard on the "good" side

- Edelgard, upon being asked if revenge is the reason she is doing what she's doing (reuniting Fodlan): "“No.” Edelgard put her hand to her chin thoughtfully. “I think for a long time, it was…but after a while, I realized that revenge wouldn’t satisfy me.” She looked at the blue sky above. “After you go through that much suffering…when you beg for help, day after day, and no one cares...you realize that nothing will ever truly make you feel safe again. The only thing I want is for this madness to end.”" -> This is internally inconsistent. See chapter 15 note: ""You know why they created me in the first place.” / “To reunite Fódlan,” spat Hubert. “It was all my father talked about.” / “And I will give it to them. "" This directly connects Edelgard's want to reunite Fodlan to the wants of her tormenters (as this states she is doing it out of spite). Note how Hubert spits at the idea of reuniting Fodlan, and how it was all his father - portrayed as a villain - talked about. This is not what this Edelgard wants, at least not of her own independent want. Earlier in this very chapter, Edelgard internally states a want to hurt Bergliez for leaving her behind. To say that she now no longer thinks vengeance would satisfy her, or that none of the reason that she is doing everything she does is out of a want for revenge, is ridiculous

- Edelgard to Bergliez, upon being asked what will happen to him and his family should Edelgard rise to power: "“All those who distinguish themselves will be rewarded. Given your history, I have little doubt you will be among them.” She nervously played with her white gloves. “All I ask is that when I seize back control of the throne, I can count on the military’s support.”" -> Yes, all who distinguish themselves to Edelgard, for Edelgard's cause, that Edelgard can see and/or know of. How likely is it that a poor farmer who is exceptional at fighting will actually be noticed by Edelgard and be given the credit he deserves, when others who may not be as meritable but do have some merit have the connections to show themselves directly in front of Edelgard? What means will Edelgard give the poor soldiers (that she or Byleth aren't already friends with, notably Dorothea and Leonie) that will allow them to be able to be seen by her and have their merits recognized? Edelgard is the one who says who gains power after all, so it is her they must prove themselves to, but how can they realistically do that?

- What about professions that are not immediately beneficial to Edelgard's cause, such as the arts? How will they fare in Edelgard's society, when their works and talents yield no tangible, objective results (such as, say, farming)?

- Something the fic will address?

- Edelgard does not nervously do anything in front of those she is trying to negotiate with in canon, not even Thales. Strikes against canon: 92

- "[Bergliez] could only laugh in response. “I think we’re going to get along rather well, my lady…and the other?”" -> Except Bergliez and Edelgard don't get along well, ever. Pre ts they are stated to dislike each other, which continues even onto post ts with Bergliez being the only noble Edelgard couldn't bring to heel. Strikes against canon: 93

- As predicted: No one is allowed to dislike Edelgard on the "good" side

- Literally forgot Hubert was with Edelgard and Bergliez lmao

- Ionius tried to consolidate power to be rid of the consort system due to his unending love for Anselma -> A ridiculous idea, plain and simple. Ionius was Emperor. If he wished to be rid of the consort system there was no need for him to try and take away all power from the other Imperial houses.

- If Ionius truly loved Anselma, why did he allow her to be exiled from the Empire? Why didn't he step in and use his influence as Emperor to help her?

- Edelgard, when she is Emperor - passed down a supposedly empty crown, at that - showcases the all-encompassing power the title of Emperor truly holds to one willing to use that power. That Ionius supposedly wanted to do all of these reforms and yet nothing at all was done, ever (save for ruining Houses Hrym and Ordelia, something even this fic has as canon), if Ionius did want to make these reforms, means that he was too spineless and cowardly to truly go through with trying to pass them. This again unintentionally showcases how awful a ruler and weak-willed a person Ionius was when he had power when trying to paint him in this righteous light.

- Lambert was stated to be trying to pass reforms before he died in canon, not Ionius. From parents to the children, the author is attributing traits from Lambert onto Ionius just as he (author's confirmed gender is male) attributes traits from Dimitri onto Edelgard

- " Her father and mother…she had thought their romance a fairy tale-a story from her father to make a motherless child feel valued. But…they truly had loved each other." -> Edelgard does believe Ionius when he told her of the story of when he and Anselma (supposedly) met each other. There is nothing to indicate that Edelgard thought it to be a lie: in fact, in canon: "But I choose to believe there was genuine love between them." Strikes against canon: 94

- It seems as though finally, after around 18 chapters, Edelgard's scars will finally cause her genuine inconvenience due to her complex about them as well as her trust issues. She has a gash on her back from the Battle of Eagle and Lion, but will not have it treated if Manuela isn't the healer, and yet the woman is occupied dealing with the rest of the students who were injured. How will this fic deal with this?

- Ingrid, referring to her and Sylvain: ""We just switched from Felix lecturing us all day to listening to Edelgard moralizing, didn’t we?"" -> The author is trying to compare a childhood friend whose friends have had years to get used to their barbed tongue to a stranger that directly insults the dreams of one of them. Something which Ingrid canonically hates having be done to her, even from Felix, a childhood friend. Once again, Ingrid being so casual about Edelgard being so disrespectful of her dreams is out of character. Strikes against canon: 95

- "Sylvain shook his head knowingly, ignoring Felix’s truly alarming scowl. “You should have seen his face, Edelgard. Dimitri would go on and on about this girl he met when he was a kid…and Felix would complain about her for hours!” He looked at Felix and smiled. “For all his whining about the “Boar,” nobody loves Dimitri more than him.”" -> Oh? A romantic gay male relationship presenting itself within the fic?

- Another vision of SS experienced by Edelgard. Word from a nameless guard: "The woman, Byleth, leading their forces... She’s not human! She killed half my battalion with one swing of that sword of hers. She didn’t speak, she didn’t shout, she didn’t even change her expression!” The panicked man was teetering on the edge of hysteria. “All those people rallying around her, and it’s like she doesn’t care at all. Like she's a walking corpse!"" -> Obviously saying that Byleth becomes the Ashen Demon if not allowed to be with Edelgard.

- Unintentional statement: Byleth can't be the pure innocent (lesbian) woman without Edelgard's (lesbian) love granting her purity, reverting her to a monstrous, corrupt demon incapable of humanity

- See chapter 20 note: "Implying that choosing SS - aka, choosing the Nabateans - makes Byleth less human. Intentional?" Confirmed to be intentional. Also false: in canon, even when accounting for CF's lesser chapter count, Byleth emotes far more on SS than on CF, which matches with CF having Edelgard call Byleth detached in their A support. Strikes against canon: 96

- The same nameless soldier, same context: "And those Faerghus kids…” / Edelgard leaned forward in her chair. “Ingrid…Sylvain…what of them?” / “They…they were animals. Screaming and ranting about revenge for the King.” -> Is the author really demonizing Sylvain and Ingrid for (potentially!) being mad at Edelgard for murdering one of their childhood friends? Is that really the depths the Edelgard worship will sink to, that friends becoming enraged at a friend's unjust murder from a warlord is being portrayed as something sad for the warlord? Just what else should Edelgard be pitied for?

- "The scared girl desperately tried to drown out the thoughts that reverberated incessantly. / They’re going to despise us…it’s destiny. And how could they not? If we were truly good, the Goddess would have saved us…protected us. But She didn’t. The Goddess took Mother. She took our family. And soon, She’ll take everything else we love. She hates us. / It’s what we deserve." - Now confirmed that Edelgard hears multiple voices in her head tormenting her. That trait that, once again, Edelgard does not have... (Strikes against canon: 97)

- ...but Dimitri does. This is the third time this chapter that this has happened, and far from the only chapter to display such baffling characterization of Edelgard via Dimitri's traits. It is nonsensical.

- " Why had [Edelgard] even been born at all? Nonexistence would have been preferable to watching every faint dream be dashed, to suffering alone over and over. She was just…so tired of being alive." -> Once. Again. Suicidal tendencies/thoughts is not a trait Edelgard shows in canon... (Strikes against canon: 98)

- ...but Dimitri does. The fourth! The fourth time in one chapter the author desperately wanted to just write Dimitri!

- If the fic wanted to take Edelgard in a different direction than canon does and has her display some of these traits, it would be more passable, but this fic is under the delusion that it is in any way following canon closely, especially in regards to Edelgard, and so this can only be seen as a desperate attempt from the author to have Edelgard be sympathetic by donning the skin of an actually sympathetic character such as Dimitri

- "Edelgard looked at herself in the mirror. The back of her academy uniform was stained red, the rhythmic, soft dripping of blood assaulting the princess’ ears." -> And no one commented on this? No one was worried? Not Ingrid, Sylvain, and Felix, who were sitting right by her? Not Lysithea, who saw her take the blow to her back and never get it healed? Not Dimitri, who delivered the blow? It just so happened that literally no one at all noticed this?

- Byleth literally slapped Edelgard on the back earlier? Wouldn't her hand come back red with blood if it were seeping through the uniform?

** The scene that follows the previous note is too long to quote, despite how truly terrible it is. Long quotes, even extremely long quotes, have been presented in these notes before, but the length this quotation would be if the full extent of it were written here would be a mess, and quite frankly, at that point it would do one better to simply go to the fanfiction itself and read the text from there. With the context received from these notes, if one wishes to see the words for themselves, go to chapter 21 of The Emperor and the Goddess, enter Ctrl + F (or Find in Page on mobile devices), and enter the phrase "Byleth crossed her arms, clearly frustrated" verbatim. The following note will not be quoting the entire scene from the fic (merely summarizing it), though context is needed to understand how truly bad the scene is. **

- To have hope in this fic performing anything correctly is proving to be a fool's dream, for it has yet to do anything right; that includes the aforementioned gash upon Edelgard's back. As stated, it did not draw the attention of those who were sitting around her nor did it draw the attention of the one who witnessed the injury itself, nor of the one who delivered the injury itself, so no one commented on the gaping, bleeding wound Edelgard was "hiding" from everyone as she turned her (bleeding) back to them and left for the baths to clean up (it must be heavily stressed: immediately after leaving it is revealed that the blood is seeping through her uniform). As she was washing - naked, of course - Byleth just so happened to step into the baths with only a towel wrapped around her "for modesty," much to the horror of Edelgard, for she does not want Byleth seeing her scarred body. A slight argument arises between the two over Edelgard getting her injuries checked, before Byleth warns Edelgard that she will go to Rhea and force her to go to the infirmary should Edelgard continue to refuse treatment, which drives Edelgard past the brink. She raises her arms from the bathwater and presents her scars (""Fine!... If you want to see so badly, here!""), to the horror of Byleth ("Byleth Eisner was not a woman given to strong emotional reactions, but she staggered back, hands over her mouth."). Edelgard cries in hysteria, fear of her beloved teacher running away in disgust over her ugly, mutilated body overwhelming her. But Byleth, childlike in her innocence, shared that she too is scarred in strange ways, and that she too is scared of failing those around her - that she has no ambitions save to help and protect those around her. Byleth reveals that it is Edelgard whom Byleth looks up to for always being so strong and always moving forward, and shows that without Edelgard Byleth wouldn't know how to handle the pressure everyone else puts on her. The exchange ends with Byleth reassuring Edelgard that she is beautiful and not the monster she thinks she is.

- There is no nice way of putting this: this is a classic example of how not to write someone opening up to another about something. Edelgard views herself as weak, ugly, repulsive, a monster, shameful, but it is Byleth's love and affection that gives her comfort and warmth, that gives her hope of something more. It forces Byleth to behave wildly out of character (the author can try to excuse this with "well she wouldn't normally behave like this!" all he wants, it doesn't matter when it goes against the base, canonical Byleth. Strikes against canon: 99) in order for Edelgard's scarred body to be seen as something that is repulsive, that is ugly, that is stained, so much so that the pure, childlike, innocent Byleth couldn't stand to see something so tainted. And yet it is that same pure, childlike, innocent Byleth's pure, innocent, childlike love that pushes away the pain of Edelgard's scars for just that moment. Other characters become suddenly blind and/or forgetful of Edelgard's obvious, bleeding wound so that it is Byleth who can be the one to save Edelgard with her pure, innocent, childlike presence and her pure, innocent, childlike uncertainty about her own insecurities (but only when it is convenient for Edelgard, as even Byleth didn't noticed the gaping, bleeding wound until she was alone with Edelgard where no one could interrupt their bonding moment). This scene is inorganic and forced, ham-fisting Edelgard and Byleth in the same room - the wash room, where both are either naked or nearly naked - so that Byleth is the one to find Edelgard, no one else. No one was worried enough about the sudden exit Edelgard took from the conversation she was having to follow her and make sure she was alright, and Byleth just so happened to enter the baths right after Edelgard. The scene is, to be frank, insulting.

- There have been a couple of joking references to a book titled Stones to Abigail in these notes, but in all seriousness, this scene plays unsettlingly similar to a scene in said book, where a scarred girl who is naked reveals her "ugly" and "revolting" scarred body to the love interest, who goes on to soothe and comfort the naked girl as best they can. The resemblance is uncanny

- Byleth described as childlike/innocent. Counter: 5

- Edelgard, in canon, never expresses feeling herself to be ugly, or repulsive, or a monster. Strikes against canon: 100

- Again, Edelgard's scars are only important when they are convenient - this time, in helping develop the romantic relationship between her and Byleth

- There are ways in which scars can be utilized without being problematic, but certainly not when this much focus is placed on them and yet they are only truly present when they cannot hinder Edelgard.

- Perhaps particularly insulting is this phrase from Edelgard: "Did she actually love Byleth at all, or just being saved by her?" Yes, Edelgard, you do simply want to be saved by Byleth, because that is precisely what the narrative has been drilling into the reader's heads ever since Byleth showed herself. Byleth is Edelgard's light, Byleth is Edelgard's hope, Byleth gives Edelgard back her humanity, Byleth is Edelgard's one source of joy, Byleth is Edelgard's entire life, and nothing, absolutely nothing in this fic has shown this to ever be a bad thing. This dependence on Byleth to bring Edelgard joy at the near complete expense of everyone else has been propped up as something romantic, and yet it's now, 21 chapters and over 85K+ words in, that we're supposed to believe that this was actually Edelgard being unhealthy? Even though the author himself said that this was what he enjoyed about their relationship, how much they found each other in each other? Even though we see what the author thinks would happen to the two of them should they separate - Edelgard, lonely and afraid without her beloved teach, and Byleth, the Ashen Demon who cares for nothing without her beloved student - in her visions of SS? This is a joke

- It cannot be overstated that Byleth came to the bathhouses completely independently of Edelgard. She did not come to specifically see her because she followed her out of worry for Edelgard due to her injury - she only knows that Edelgard's injured in the first place due to seeing bloody bandages that Edelgard removed in the bathhouse, before Byleth arrived.

- Author's notes: "On Bergliez, we find out very little in-game, but he 1) offers himself for execution so his men can go free in SS and 2) seems to be actually competent at his job. I thought a nuanced portrayal was more interesting, since I've been writing Aegir as the absolute worst person in the world." -> Note: this is what the author believes to be a nuanced take on someone. Someone who likes Edelgard entirely and does nearly whatever they can to help her, but they did one thing that's morally gray (leaving a child behind to save his own children from the same fate) that is portrayed as objectively bad, so now they are nuanced. While perhaps this sort of character would be truly nuanced in better hands, as it is with his actions being portrayed as something that is obviously so completely and utterly wrong and him someone who deserves complete and utter condemnation - and yet Ionius, who does far worse for far less understandable reasons, gets a comparative slap on the wrist - it causes confusion as to Edelgard's lines. Bergliez seeing her the one time and never helping her is enough for her to want to hurt him as she was hurt, but her father repeatedly coming to and "being forced" to watch her actively be tortured and doing nothing does little to invoke similar depths of resentment? Even granting the idea that "she gives more slack to her father," Ionius is objectively and far worse than Bergliez, down to doing hard things to protect their children, and yet it is only Bergliez who is shined in this unpleasant a light

- To be clear, Bergliez's decision was not a good one, but understandable. It is a gray decision to make. But notice how he is called "gray" and "nuanced" and yet Ionius is nearly completely innocent, as described by the author himself, despite their being no given explaination as to why "he was a figurehead" should be a good enough reason to wash him literally standing there and watching as his children - some of whom aren't even teens yet - get slowly tortured and killed.

- "There are many localization changes I understand (Byleth wanting to get drunk after the battle is one of them), but Treehouse's decision to remove Ionius' entire reason for power centralization (eliminating the consorts) was a big, big mistake." -> Given the history of this author's grasp on the Japanese language, this needs to be checked, as he cannot be trusted as a source as to whether this is true

******* Notes of Claude mischaracterization: Chapter 21, section 1, paragraphs 1, 21 & 23, 27 *******

#o captain my captain #is the Cap'n's name fuckin' Greg holy shit #this chapter was baaaaad #b-but hey maybe i'm just being overly critical?

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elizabethrobertajones · 3 years

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Hello there. I have a question (more like a thesis): What would have happened if Cas told the Truth anywhere between season 7 and 15? Do you think it would have had the same impact on Dean? Logically speaking Cas could have told him anytime.

Oh gosh, yes. I mean Dean’s reaction in season 15 is still the best it could have been really :P He was in the best place and most accepting of himself and he still had a BSOD for a moment and then Cas had to shove him away so he could go die... (Assuming you take the on screen boring presentation of what happened as canon and not throw in the reciprocation, tears, pull in for a kiss, etc that we know exists either in our hearts or on Jackles’ phone.)

I’ve been thinking about this and the parameters we’d have to apply if we were gonna get something like the show being self-healing back to its self as we know it but we were allowed a confession. Also the show has to be as punishing as ever. So these are my personal theses on each season...

Season 7 the confession would have to be after Cas comes back, and everything in 7x17 that looked like Dean was jealous of Daphne and Meg textually was meant to be read that way in the set up for the confession. To make it the most painful obviously we still get Cas exactly as he was all through to the end of the season and he never really says anything too different but then right when they’re having the “cursed or not” discussion he’d bust out of nowhere that he supposes it is inevitable Dean would talk him into going on this dangerous mission to get Dick because obviously Cas loves him. And Dean, who is in a weirdly zen sort of place in the remaining minutes of season 7 after Bobby’s send off and final words that helped him go make up with Cas, is in a similarly season 15 oddly okay spot, mental health wise. At least. COMPARED TO ALL THE REST OF SEASON 7. But I still personally have always read it as a genuinely good place for him that could have endured much longer if not for *gestures everything that happened after stabbing Dick* and obviously making up with Cas was step one and a huge part of his process.

(idk if you’ve noticed but 7x23 pretty much has no Sam and Dean interaction after Bobby’s send off, and their last good broments are really scarce; it feels sort of natural for abrupt calamity and no time for teary farewells in a season with a strong commentary on grief, which also hyperfocuses the attention on Dean n Cas there.)

So I think Dean would maybe be stunned but maybe quirk a sceptical smile like “He can’t mean it like that and anyway he’s currently coo-coo, this doesn’t mean anything hahaha oh Cas :)))” and then idk shake his head and move the story on and Cas just turns one longing look after him like “dammit that didn’t work out like planned”

Anyway then the exact plot beats of 7x23 follow, exactly as seen on your screens, but we’re left going into season 8 and Carver era with Dean far far more messed up about Cas and it can force clarification in 8x02 in Purgatory where Cas is entirely adamant he meant what he meant and furious at Dean for being mad at him and Dean’s mad at Cas for all the season 8 reasons so they continue angsting at each other but Benny’s reaction shots are just 10x funnier. This is followed by Dean’s reciprocation of “I love you” instead of “I need you” in the crypt scene in 8x17 and from there honestly it’s been built up into canon in such a way that the emotional arc of the show has to go off the wheels and I can’t keep to the self-healing model to continue following the “real” plot and contain this much raw power.

Coincidentally, if the first confession is in season 8, it would be “what broke the connection” after a season 8 where nothing was different up until that point. Cas flaps off while Dean is still processing that the answer was “You. I love you.” and Dean is left yelling at the empty crypt like “What the hell, Cas?!”

Then he’s as mad at him as he was in canon except instead of being borderline a really bad overreaction into his anger phase which we have to weather as miserable fans tethered to this ship who know sometimes Dean gets mad and yells at Cas for no reason, he’s reacting proportionately. It’s always seemed like 8x22 only makes sense if Dean is furious at Cas for confessing and fleeing except, obviously, in our “”real”” canon, it can only be like Cas confessed and Dean took it that way and also felt embarrassed how far he went with his own feelings only for Cas to run.

This would make the bar scene with the cupids in 8x23 make a lot more sense too, and after they get the cupid bow Dean’s going to turn to Cas and give him a nervous smile, and then - Naomi flaps in like she does and distracts them away from reciprocation.

I think this one could go long - maybe even season 13 Cas being dead and Dean being like “FUCK I never got a chance to work things out with him” and 13x06 onwards is where we get any actual work on the ship, because Carver era was so determined to be emotionally gruelling and unsatisfying and relentless from one issue to the next. And the confessions are so bound up specifically in the moments of miscommunication or failed attempts, cut off conversations etc that whether Destiel is canon or not, they’re never gonna get to talk it out under those conditions. Cas is only explicitly the grieving wife and jealous ex to Crowley’s smug take over of Dean’s affections rather than subtextually.

The season 9 confession... I feel like we’d come perilously close to the Monkey Paw curse we once envisioned of Buckleming making it canon because they love jumping the gun on plot points and making them too obvious. So the end of 9x03, Cas is really blatantly angling to come in with a big “Hey I’m human can I live in the Bunker look at me I learned to do The Sex can we do it now” kind of vibe. All the enthusiasm he was giving to eating that burrito in the background while “Zeke” was trying to get him kicked out, but with lusting over Dean :P

If we avoid that we can leap to Mr Bobo Berens and his first episode, and have this thing handled by a pro, as it’s already very much about Cas as a homeless queer man with a bad ex he still loves rolling into town where he’s just trying to make a new life and play straight - I mean human - for his own survival. I suspect the confrontation with Iphraim would make it really obvious that Cas didn’t just want to live as a human but had an eye for living as a human with Dean, and then he’d attempt a confession right before Dean would accidentally talk over, like, the L in “love” honestly, to tell him that sorry things do still stand that you can’t come back with me. Leaves Cas utterly devastated but Dean is none the wiser and he drives off and Cas pines piningly at the pine trees in his Gas n Sip.

Again the end of season probably would force the real confession, since there’s a ready made moment in 9x22 where Hannah tries to force Cas to kill Dean and he gives it all up for one man. Cas can just lower that knife and be like, “No, I love him,” talking to his shoes and Hannah rather than meeting Dean’s eyes. Mark of Cain Dean is fuuuucked up at that point but we still get the moment where Dean carries Cas’s bag into the bunker and sits down with him and tries to care about his health and now also this confession. Sussing out what the heck is up with Cas, and maybe he looks like he’s playing it cool and is still so messed up but Cas is vulnerable, and finally Dean starts to reach across the library table for his hand, and it’s a moment where maybe things could have started to go better for them...... Cue Gadreel walking into the library, Dean going feral, blah blah demon!Dean, blah blah explicitly stated Drowley, blah blah muuuch healing and Cas giving Dean a wide berth for a lil while. Though, in this scenario, 10x22 is far worse but has the reverse crypt scene moment, so Dean can be more obviously unable to kill Cas because he loves him, and then he walks out, followed by season 11 and Cas being returned to them. Unfortunately. Yep. Another finger curls on the Monkey Paw... 11x03 by Buckleming would absolutely be where Destiel goes undeniably canon as it is their first real interactions post Mark of Cain. Our only consolation - directed by Jensen Ackles.

Season 10 confession, hm. Poor Cas. He has the option of 10x03, of confessing and then immediately apologising and walking off to handle stuff with Hannah (thanks Buckleming!) or the Burger Date, where Dean may be slightly less stunned stupid but still likely to laugh it off and not believe it. There’s not much heavy tension between them most of the season so it’s possible that the only time Cas would really get is to confess in 10x22 while telling Dean that he would have to watch him murder the world, and that would suck because I love you. At which point the story dictates that Dean beats Cas to paste so it’s a very bad look. Season 10 destiel confession is the worst.

Season 11 may be better because Cas has options to be jealous of Crowley and Dean’s connection to Amara multiple times and then Casifer happens and that can really play up things in a season where a confession is coming.

I think the Beer Run in 11x23 might be the only viable place, where Dean grabs Cas and takes him out for that drive for last drinks before the end of the world. Cas gets the “you’re our brother” thing and just lays into Dean with the certainty of someone who knows this is it - now or nothing - with “You know that’s crap, Dean. You wait until the end of the world and you can’t even say it. Well I can; I love you.”

Cue awkward tension, well-placed interrupting Moose, and then the world very much not ending so that when Dean n Cas hug and kiss in front of Mary in 12x01. Well. There’s even more explaining to do to her. Since we’ve made it to Dabb era, I believe any confessions from this point onwards can just slot into the show as we got it from there since it’s entirely compatible to start season 12 assuming Dean n Cas are literally married and never be contradicted by the text in their behaviour. But since we’ve had canon Destiel since whenever, obviously the final episodes are good instead of. That.

Season 12... Going to have to go with the first sniff of true canon coming in Lily Sunder with just a few lines leaning even further in the Cas’s Angel Family Are Homophobic Assholes metaphor, leaving Cas’s relationship with Dean even more live wire exposed. Followed by The Mixtape Scene where Cas is going to confess to Dean and get him startled up out of his seat, accidentally knocking the mixtape to the floor and for a moment it’s like, did he throw it is he mad? but then he’s smooching Cas, fade to black, return to scheduled programming but the whole line about Cas stealing the Colt from under Dean’s pillow makes fuckin sense, as well as the fall out argument and how mad Dean was at Cas followed by how devastated he was at Cas’s death. This just means Dabb era continues as planned except we get a kiss in 13x06 under that big glowy cross, and some more smooching here and there when things are good from then on.

Season 13... Hm. Cas has to do the confessing and I don’t think he’d throw that at Dean on return from death so unlike if Dean was the one who was being made to confess obviously the aforementioned glowy cross scene obviously would be it for him... Cas could keep that bottled up much longer, especially as he has so much to do with Jack this season. It’s entirely possible we go through the whole season and then Cas lobs it at Dean as a final card when he’s making his Michael decision and we actually see the scene that we didn’t get, where Cas has to watch Dean getting possessed. Except Dean is like, tearful and furious like why would you tell me that now, and anyway i’m doing this for you as well dumbass but fuck you but also how dare you anyway I need to be an archangel now and save our - your - son, bye. Cue Cas sitting there not just in total horror at what happened but also kicking himself for fucking up the moment :P I guess this way at least we can have that moment where Dean is un-Michaeled and tells Cas he’s going to shower and finger guns at him, and now we can have Cas wordlessly and furiously follow him.

Season 14, we get Cas at Rocky’s bar confessing to Dean while figment!Pamela cheers the whole thing on. If there was EVER a time to use the power of love to snap Dean out of it, Cas upsetting his cosy routine with “this isn’t real, I’M NOT HERE IN YOUR FANTASY” is absolutely the time to pull a reverse crypt scene which has such low stakes in terms of neither of them needing to punch each other when Michael is an external aggressor.

My ONLY issue with this is that Sam has to witness the whole thing and we would get reaction shots and I am a weak mortal who will start cackling at them when I’m supposed to be having the transcendent moment of canon and the whole thing would be ruined just because of the way Jared gurns when doing reactions to dean n cas interacting. Wow thanks. Thanks a lot.

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chaos-and-recover · 3 years

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I am married to someone with an intense, if only midsized, fanbase. Parasocial relationships have been a part of our lives since long before it was a buzzword. It is weirdly fascinating to us, but sometimes a bit frightening. Now that it is the buzzword of the hour, seeing it misattributed is one of our pet peeves. I have seen people claim any amount of interaction on the fan's end is "pick me" (although fan interaction is necessary for his job) or claim that him utilizing social media makes him more culpable for forcing parasocial relationships on the fans because of power imbalances. If he is obvious about promoting something, though, it doesn't go over well because audiences don't want to feel like their being advertised to. Parasocial relationships are sometimes hurtful and scary on our end. 1) There was a woman who had been following his career since the 90s, when he wasn't as well known. She would often send him letters, gifts. Within the past 5 years something changed. I don't know why, but she suddenly began to consider him a boyfriend of sorts. He had never responded to these letters. I discovered she had been catfishing me under my private, locked social media accounts under a fake name, pretending to be someone I knew from high school. He blocked her on all social media. She harassed his coworkers until they blocked her too. A friend of mine said she went on TikTok to brag about how overly sensitive celebrities will block if you call them out for not being better than regular people. Meanwhile, we got a letter from her last year begging for him to forgive whatever she did that offended him. 2) 15ish years ago, in a magazine interview, my husband states his fave color. 2 years ago, I was having lunch with a friend, without my husband. A younger woman approached the table. She asksnif my husband was around and I said that he wasn't. Immediately her tone and expression changed to something nasty. She asked if I would at least give him a painting she had done of him. It was all done in various shades of the same color. I commented on this and she sneered at me with; "It's his fave color." I am still trying to be polite at this point and casually go; "Oh is it?" and she ery rudely snaps that I am his wife and I don't know his fave color like SHE does, so I have had it and say, assertively that I've had enough and she needs to leave. I gave it to my husband and told him the encounter. He laughed about it and said that it wasn't his fave color anymore. I had never thought to ask about his fave color because it just didn't seem important to either of us. He had never asked mine. Her twitter handle was on the painting so I looked it up. Her and a few friends were discussing the incident, using my first and last initials and my husband's first. They were discussing how clearly they know him deeper than I do, that he must secretly hate me if his own wife doesn't understand him like she does, and she altered the story so that she had seen him there earlier so I was clearly lying and that she had timidly approached the table and I had screamed at her that the color was ugly. I don't watch his interviews unless he specifically asks me to, because this is like listening in on someone's work meeting. This has been misconstrued by "fans" that I don't support him. I absolutely do, 200%, probably more than they support their husband's jobs, but watching his interviews isnt how i support him. I support him in our home, in our phone calls, in other ways he appreciates in our personal lives. Parasocial relationships are absolutely fine, until people start to believe they aren't in one, or that it is somehow more substantial than personal relationships the celebrities have with their loved ones. They truly think that they can Sherlock Holmes someone enough to truly know them better than the ones who actually know them in real life. (Sorry if you got this multiple times. Tumblr said it didnt send my ask.)

(Same anon from before) What fans need to understand is that parasocial relationships are good. It is fine to be a fan of someone, support their career, analyze them and write fanfiction and draw fanart of them or their characters. This is how my husband keeps his job, this is completely normal fan behavior. It isnt bad for the sake of existing. But they need to be aware that it is parasocial. I think the problem doesn't lie with parasocial relationships so much as when those in the relationship aren't aware that it is parasocial. Those who are aware of it being parasocial aren't the ones claiming that I do not know my husband but that they do or sending him love letters thinking their in a relationship with him. Those who know it is parasocial know that there is a difference between him answering questions in an interview (after being coached by a professional on how to appear and how to speak, and going into it knowing 90% of the questions) and having a conversation when there aren't cameras around, behind closed door. There is a difference between remembering a list of favorite things and watching someone enjoy those things in the moment every day in person. You just HAVE to be aware that they ARE parasocial.

First of all I gotta say I'm SUPER curious who you are (obviously you don't have to tell me!)! I've heard and seen things like what you described happen in several different fandoms of varying popularity, and I'm sorry you have to deal with that. But you're 100% right, engaging in regular fandom behaviour is perfectly normal, even interacting with creators/actors/musicians/whoever on social media (or in person if you meet them). It's HOW you interact with them. You need to both have your own and respect their boundaries.

I'm a fan of a couple 80s/90s boybands, as you just... ARE as an elder millennial lmao, and I can understand how easy it is as a young teen to go too far and cross boundaries because you just don't have the life experience or really, emotional regulation to interact with your idols in a normal way. But I've seen that now carry on well into adulthood, the things grown-ass women TO THIS DAY say about the wives of some of these band members is shocking (maybe not to you though since you've lived it!). I've had several conversations where I've had to remind people that literally every interaction they've had with these people at official meet & greets and stuff, even to an extent their interactions on social media, it's like the famous-person equivalent of Customer Service Voice. They're working! Of course they're nice to you when you paid like $500 to talk to them for thirty seconds! It doesn't mean you're friends!

(Not shaming paid M&Gs, I've done them, I'd do them again, it's an opportunity my 13 year old self never thought she'd had but like... I'm not secretly dating a Backstreet Boy because I met them for five seconds, y'know?)

Anyway yeah... all this to say, you're right. Parasocial relationships are a natural part of fandom and they're FINE and GOOD you just gotta respect boundaries.

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throwitawayokay · 3 years

Text

Predators around every corner

This is confusing. A lot of your favorite fandom creators, out of nowhere, are being accused of endangering minors and others for making nsfw content or following/being-friends-with people who do; that is a serious claim, and a frightening one, and no one would say such a thing if they weren’t 100% sure they were correct about it, right? After all, to say something about someone is an awful thing to say, and needs proof and reason, or else it is libel and grounds for a defamation lawsuit and would, morally, be an absolutely terrible thing to accuse a person of if it was not true.

Obviously, they must have reason. Obviously, these accusations are founded and must eventually prove to be true, even if they cannot now, or maybe they can, maybe the accusations would hold up in a court of law, but for some reason the same people making these accusations... won’t come out directly and accuse these people and don’t have any evidence besides what they ‘think’ this other person is thinking.

Someone has made an argument, somewhere, that writing nsfw of aged up minor characters in atla is predatory behavior and endangering to minors. Is it?

1. Is it legal?

Easy answer, yes. It’s legal. By definition it is smut of adult characters, regardless of where it originates. None of it is on tumblr, where it would not be allowed, but instead on a web site where it is clearly tagged and behind an age limit. In fact, this argument would be laughed out of court. Because no law is protecting the nsfw depictions of fictional characters, who are not real, regardless of age, besides potentially copyright.

If the stories are about underage fictional characters? It still, at least by USofA law, still not illegal. Yes. That’s correct. Stories depicting underage fictional characters in sexual situations does not follow under the definition of child porn and is allowed in publication and law. To see proof of that, besides reading the actual law which you are free to do, simply note the fact that Stephen King’s It is not only still in print but recently had two film adaptations.

So that, would in fact, be allowed; however what is being called into question is depicting adult fictional characters in nsfw situations. A completely different thing that is, actually, very different from the other. But, to simply answer the question of legality, it’s all legal.

2. When is it endangering to minors?

This content can, in fact, be endangering to minors when they are exposed to it either without warning, in a search, or if they are sent this content by another person. Ways that this could happen are if nsfw images appear google searches (where such content can be reported and taken down) or if nsfw writing is not properly tagged or accompanied by archive warnings (posted on ffnet for example or not properly rated on ao3). If this is happening, it is a good idea to go to the website to report it properly, or have someone contact the artist/author about the lack of tagging - the content itself is irregardless, the problem that exists here is the lack of warning.

Nsfw art is also not allowed by the tumblr guidelines; feel free to report it if seen. Please, however, take a step back to remember than an image of a person in their underwear is not, in fact, pornography. If you’ve ever walked past a billboard for a clothing company or seen a Victoria’s Secret catalogue you should know this. There is, in fact, an actual parameter for what sets apart sfw and nsfw.

If this content, however, has been properly tagged and is behind a proper age limit, with warnings and the like, it is not endangering toward minors. Clicking on a nsfw art or writing with clear warnings for what it is does not make the creator of that content responsible; a porn star is not responsible for endangering minors if a minor answers falsely to a website agreement stating they are 18 and views their content. The responsibility lies with the minor as well as the guardians of that minor for not teaching them how to responsibly search the internet and recognize what they should or should not be viewing.

If you are not mature enough to recognize this, you should not be online.

3. But I disagree?

You are within your rights to have a difference of opinion or feel uncomfortable if a person posts links to their nsfw content, or mentions that they make nsfw content. In fact, nsfw content makes many people uncomfortable. There are many ways to avoid seeing this.

First, go to the filter on your blog and filter all nsfw related tags you can think of, some starting points I would suggest are: nsfw, nsfw tw, nsfw mention, adult content, adult content tw, adult content mention (feel free to keep going, be as thorough as makes you comfortable). Next, block the blogs you do not personally like; feel free to block as many blogs, for any reason, that you like. This is absolutely fine and no explanation is needed. If you feel uncomfortable having your blog followed by any adults at all, you can also take steps to make the blog unsearchable and only follow as few people as you like.

What you should not do is harass people for making content that you personally do not like. This includes nsfw content. Making such incredibly serious claims as to state someone is a predator who endangers minors for making nsfw content in your fandom is unfounded, dangerous, and entirely irresponsible. Adults participating in this rhetoric need to take a very good look at themselves, and minors who have been experiencing anxiety as a result of this claim, I am very sorry.

4. What was the aunt-suki thing?

Where did this whole thing start? No one was making this point only a few months ago, did it just pop up out of nowhere?

^ this blog, since deleted [also goes formerly by tumble-dump (nowlil-baby-man) as well as jetru(deleted) safe-for-atla, and dennis-quaid] spearheaded this opinion after accusing one of the largest creators in the fandom, an adult poc, of endangering minors for an image posted to tumblr with possible suggestive themes (Tumblr does not allow nsfw art, it was not nsfw). Aunt-Suki is a 23 year old, self-described “titanium white” woman. She stated directly that anyone who posted nsfw content behind age limit barriers was predatory and that nsfw artwork of atla characters was rampant on this website without evidence.

After curating a blocklist, and admittedly receiving hate for doing so (despite oddly enough asking for anon hate on several occasions) aunt-suki did in fact create a first draft blocklist including fandom creators who make nsfw content, who are follow or are friends with those who make nsfw content despite not doing it themselves, and people who specifically asked her to be on the blocklist. This, in itself, was fine. A list of creators making nsfw content could, in fact, be helpful and good for those who do not want to see such content to have a handy resource of who to block and avoid. Unfortunately, the rhetoric of “they are all predators” was something aunt-suki fostered and continued to repeat, getting a lot of people to also feel the same way. This invited harassment, much of which directly done and targeted at others by aunt-suki. She repeatedly stated on her blog ‘I am safe, no one else is unless I say so, in order to keep yourself safe you must ask me who is bad [paraphrase, not direct quote]’ insisting that anyone who wished to know who was a predator on the website had to privately DM her for the information. Aunt-Suki used this to gain followers of minors and to specifically foster friendships with them.

We know this because aunt-suki made a post exposing herself. An anon asked her to defend the way she interacted with minors and she defended herself with phrases such as “I love kids so much more than grown ups”[quote], stating she runs a server of 13+ wlw and they all “care a lot about each other”; she also admitted she takes it upon herself to “expose kids to [heavy topics]” including race, sexism, queer issues, mental health, politics, etc. Aunt-Suki is not a trained professional for these issues and admits in the same post that she does not understand there could be any difference in power dynamics between her and these teenagers.

In addition, while defending these close relationships with minors that she specifically admits to reaching out for, Aunt-Suki also divulged her past at 18 years old of saying the n-word (excused by explaining she has a black friend); saying that this is the reason why she should, as a 23 year old white adult, be allowed to discuss “heavy topics” with minors.

This most certainly calls into question the fact that it was, with one exception, non-white creators that aunt-suki chose to publicly call out by name.

After being asked to defend herself for these actions she admitted to, Aunt-Suki deleted her blog but has continued to go online on her others blogs and discords, dm’ing others and making posts accusing people who called her out of being predators, asking for sympathy, blaming her actions on her adhd, and refusing to answer any of the messages sent to her. Other large creators have made posts about this, very rarely using her name to allow her some anonymity or time to explain her actions which she has not done. She choose instead to send anonymous messages further accusing these creators.

5. Why did you tell me that?

This directly illustrates the problem with presenting an issue such as nsfw art/writing in the fandom without pointing out why others might disagree with it; and jumping past logic to decry those who don’t agree with extremely serious accusations. Someone with actual ill (or misguided) attentions may take advantage, deliberately isolating minors and portraying themselves as ‘good and safe’ while slowly whittling down who the minors can and cannot follow until no one able to call them out when they are the one participating in actual behavior that is inappropriate to minors.

6. I still don’t agree with the first points.

That’s fine. Please call out actual predators if you see them. Do not, however, do so without any evidence or for reasons that simply are not, and never would be, considered basis for doing so in any legal or reasonable capacity.

#zutara #zukka #kataang #atla #atla fandom #drama #discourse

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thebarkingraccoon · 3 years

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Ask me about my V!

I’m working on some writing prompts... but while doing that, I figured I might see if people were interested in knowing things about my V! (got this list from a friend of mine, thank you Egg!) PERSONALITY PROFILE 1. People don't behave the same way all the time. In fact, they generally have a mask for every social group -- friends, family, business. Sometimes they have a different mask for different groups of friends. How does your character act around different people? How does their personality shift and change? 2. Your character has been brought to a party and promptly ditched. They don't have a ride back home. How does this work? How comfortable are they around all of these strangers? Do they interact? 3. It's kind of awkward - what subjects are likely to make your character hesitate, flush, stumble on their words, etc.? 4. Is your character more dominant or submissive to the people around them? Do they tend to follow others' orders and wait for people to give them instruction in life, or do they charge ahead and make decisions on their own? 5. What happens when your character doesn't get what they want? 6. What's the character's self-esteem like? a. Does it change over the course of the story? 7. What's one flaw about themselves that they hate the most and wish they could change? 8. How does their personality shift when someone gets to know them well? 9. Do they prefer time alone, or with other people? 10. Is it easy for this character to tell someone "no" when they don't want to do something? 11. If this character were to describe their own personality, how would they do it? 12. Is this character aware of their flaws? 13. How has this character's personality changed from childhood to adulthood? 14. Who influenced this character's personality? Did they pick up any mannerisms or traits from someone? 15. Does this character express affection? Are they comfortable doing so? 16. When frightened, will the character "fight" or "flight"? 17. Does this character ever put someone else's needs in front of their own? a. If there are only rare exceptions, why is that the case? 18. If this character suffered amnesia and lost all their memories, what would they be like? 19. How does the character's living space reflect their personality? 20. What's one thing that other characters wish they could change about this character's personality? EMOTIONAL PROFILE 1. How easy is it for your character to feel anger? What's usually a good tip off that they're experiencing it? (Physical reactions, movements of appendages, etc.) a. Sadness? b. Happiness? c. Fear? 2. What state of mind is the character usually in? 3. Are there any emotions the character is particularly afraid of, or really resents having to feel? 4. How easily does this character trust their feelings with others? a. Has anyone ever betrayed them? b. How did it affect their ability to trust? 5. Can this character easily hide their emotions? a. Do they find it difficult to express emotion, thus tend to look neutral? 6. How well can this character resist their emotions and impulses? 7. Does this character ever get violent (with others, objects, themselves) when feeling any certain emotions? 8. Has this character contemplated suicide? a. Self-harm? b. Physically injuring others? c. Killing others? 9. Does the character have any triggers? Why do these things trigger them? 10. What would hurt this character so badly they couldn't even breathe? 11. What is guaranteed to make this character smile? 12. If the character could remove one emotion from their life, which would they choose? 13. If they're feeling upset, who are they likely to talk to for comfort? Or do they keep it inside? 14. How would this character cope with losing someone extremely close to them? 15. How does this character look and feel when crying? 16. If the character had to live out the rest of their life either perpetually angry, sad, or frightened, which would they choose? 17. Does this character tend to blame or punish others for their own emotions? 18. Is this character empathetic, and tends to be influenced by the emotions of others? 19. What is the strongest emotion they have felt? a. What event caused that? b. How would they react if that happened again? 20. If the character were to come face to face with their darkest fears in a nightmare, what would be the scene? PHYSICAL PROFILE 1. Based on the current diet and exercise your character has, where do you see them physically in five years? 2. How agile is this character? Can they dodge easily? Or are they clumsy? 3. Describe the muscle content of your character. Are they untrained and soft? Or lithe and powerful? 4. What kind of body fat percentage do you suppose they have? 5. Do they have any scars? Where did those scars come from, and how did they get them? 6. Describe some hairstyles your character has had in the past. a. How about the present? What's their hair like now? 7. What are their teeth like? Any cavities? Root canals? Does their dentition ever hurt? 8. Do their arches ever fall? That's painful. 9. How much endurance do they have? Do they easily get tired during a workout? 10. How easily can they bear pain? 11. How long can this character sit still? a. Do they shift a lot when sleeping? 12. What do their nails look like? Do they bite them? 13. How hairy is this character? a. Arms? b. Legs? c. Underarms? d. Eyebrows? e. Everywhere else 14. What is the most imperfect part of this character's body? 15. Do they get cold easily? a. How about overheated? b. Seasick? c. Do barometric changes in pressure affect them? 16. How do they react to getting an illness? Think about sore throats, achy bodies, headaches, stuffy noses, runny noses... 17. Is this character's body sensitive to touch? a. Do they have any unusual erogenous zones? 18. How strong are this character's basic senses? Sight, hearing, touch, taste, smell. 19. If this character had to permanently lose one of their senses, which would they choose? a. What if they could only have one sense, and had to lose the others? 20. Does this character have any unusual limbs or physical features? PREFERENCES AND PEEVES 1. What's the state of your character's kitchen? What kind of foods do you find in it? Is it... clean? 2. If they could only eat one type of food for the rest of their life, what would they choose? 3. What kind of clothing does this character like wearing and why? 4. How does this character feel about piercings? a. Tattoos? b. Dyed hair? c. Revealing clothing? 5. What's something that turns this character on? a. And what's a definite turn-off? b. Do they have any kinks? 6. How does this character feel about animals? a. Would they want any pets? b. What animals are their favorite? 7. What type of movie is this character most interested in watching? 8. If this character could master a skill instantly, which would they choose? 9. Are there any behaviors that other characters do that irk this character? a. Does the character ever voice their annoyance? 10. Would this character rather create something or destroy something? 11. What kind of comedy does this character prefer? Toilet humor, vulgar, slapstick, morbid, etc. 12. If they could stay at one age forever, which age would they choose and why? 13. If the character could only wear clothing of one color, which would they choose? 14. Describe the character's favorite possession. Where did they get it, and why are they so attached? 15. What is the character's favorite weather? 16. Do they prefer sweet, salty, sour, meaty, spicy, or neutral tastes? 17. Would they rather sleep in a cold room or a warm one? 18. Are there any hobbies this character absolutely hates and would never want to do? 19. What's the easiest way to annoy this character? 20. Are their interests and likes socially appropriate? ALL ABOUT HISTORY 1. Describe a scenario that has impacted your character and caused them extreme happiness. a. Fear? b. Disappointment? c. Depression? 2. What is the character's first memory? 3. Has the character ever experienced deja vu? Do you happen to know why? 4. Sensations are powerful things, and often certain scents, sounds, touches, etc. can invoke memories strongly associated with them. Which have imprinted in your character's mind? 5. How'd they get along with their parents and/or other relatives? 6. If your character had to choose one friend they've valued over all others, who would it be? 7. What's the worst injury they've ever gotten? 8. How many places has this character lived in? What stands out most about those places to them? 9. If the character could erase one memory from their mind, what would it be? 10. What was the character's economic situation? 11. What are the character's three clearest memories? 12. If the character could go back and speak to a younger version of themself, what would they say? 13. If the character could go back and choose their sex at birth, what would they choose? 14. Describe the character's love life throughout the years. 15. How did the family that raised this character influence them? 16. If this character could "unmeet" someone in their life, who would they choose? 17. If the character could choose different parents for themselves, who would they choose and why? 18. Does this character feel guilty about anything in the past? 19. If the character were asked to associate an adjective with different stages of their life, what would they choose and why? 20. If the character could choose to have themselves born at a specific time period, which would they pick and why?

#ask me about my ocs #I'm secretly hoping for some asks #I just wanna gush lol #Vajra Sucho #V #Cyberpunk 2077 OC

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kuriquinn · 4 years

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Dear Mr. Kuri, thank you so much for your recent post concerning the young artist who was effectively censored from sharing his/her/their art on a particular subject (just... so sad). I was hoping to get your thoughts on how adults might navigate interactions with minors in this space. Specifically, extending our support for their work w/out necessarily... engaging with them. I know this sounds crazy stupid but before tumblr I wasn't really active on any social media and I had no idea (cont'd)

there were so many users under the age of 16 on this site. I've even come to learn that some identified users I had interacted with early on were as young as 13, and as someone in my 30's - tbh that scared the shit out of me. I totally agree that someone that young and impressionable would be crushed by the kind of criticism that poor artist faced, and would likely never create or share again... to their detriment. The thing is though, I feel really hesitant following any creator (cont'd)

that isn't 18 or older... What are your thoughts on following/reblogging/interacting with minors in fandom? I fully agree that they need support, especially from older users who don't care what some stranger on the internet has to say... but I just feel... like I don't know how to go about that the right way. I really REALLY don't want minors on my blog at all... sorry to bother you with this, just wondering how you'd suggest handling this. I didn't comment on the post bc I didn't (cont'd)

want to risk that young artist reading my inquiry and feeling even more alienated. As always, thank you for your time and insight. - Birk

I may go a bit off-topic here, but let me give this a try:

I think in, In the end, it all comes down to communication and mutual respect.

Adults have this pervading mentality that until a child hits 18, they need to be infantilized and sheltered, but once they pass that magical number, then it’s a free for all. So, for eighteen years, it’s all about sticking a Potemkin village in front of any idea, person or situation that a child might find uncomfortable (read: they don’t like the feelings it gives them; very different from actual harmful ideas/persons/situations). Then, these sheltered almost-adults enter public spaces and expect society to keep doing that…when it turns out that’s not how it works, they become toxic.

This is how poisonous movements like purity-culture develop online, or new fans who demonize older fans and adults as being perverts for enjoying the very same pastimes they have.

For those of us interacting with these people, the automatic reaction is to “cancel” that person, thereby alienating and isolating them even more in their bad behavior. Instead of taking the time to talk with and try to show them through actions that the world isn’t limited to what they know.

As adults in fandom, we know that a large majority of the fandom is younger, because we were them once. We were that 12-year-old discovering fanfiction existed or sharing drawings we made of our original Harry Potter characters or quoting our favorite movies and televisions ad infinite. We got shit for it in real life, so we had to create spaces of our own online.

We, in effect, built fandom so that it would be more welcoming for the generations that came after us. And while a lot of us stick to that unwritten knowledge, as the years pass, a lot more become gatekeepers. They set a standard of what a fan must know or do to be considered a “real” fan, and they’re mean about how they do that.

Is it any wonder that new fans coming in experience this behavior and then jump on the “adults in fandom is creepy” bandwagon?

These new fans coming in, especially tweens and teens, they still live in this false reality where they only get to enjoy themselves and be kids for a limited amount of time, and once they Become Adult they have to give it all up—and can’t figure out why all those old creeps online are still a part of such “childish” things.

That fault lies squarely on our society, which pushes kids from a young age to be thinking of what they want to do when they grow up so they can get out there and start producing, producing, producing for the state and becoming a “useful” member of society.

We as fandom veterans, need to do our best to teach them differently, and that comes right back to my point: communication and mutual respect.

Older fans need to respect newcomers, as much as the new baby fans need to learn to respect their fandom elders. There is no maximum age for fandom; there’s no minimum age, either, although the younger the fan, the more their parents should be keeping an eye out for the truly damaging stuff and teaching their kids how to avoid that stuff on their own.

Now, obviously, people don’t always announce online how old they are (though it does happen more frequently now than when I started writing), but regardless, there should be a certain etiquette to it.

When you interact with someone online, you don’t know if they are 15 or 50. And the way you interact with them shouldn’t change based on knowing their age. We should maintain the same level of respect for the new fans as the older fans.

So, as to how adults might navigate interactions with minors (especially when you know they’re minors)?

Treat them as any other intelligent human being: with respect.

Because how else are they going to learn?

My mom always used to say to us, “I’m not raising children, I’m raising adults,” which basically meant she was teaching us how to be adults. Kids don’t pop out of the womb magically knowing how to interact with the world, they take their cues from the adults that are already there.

Fandom babies learn how to be active participants in fandom from the people who are already there. And they’re more likely to listen to and look up to someone that treats them as a mature and capable being, than someone who dismisses them as too young or too green, or dismisses their knowledge and experience because they haven’t earned their metaphorical stripes.

Remember, a lot of these kids are coming to fandom because they need an outlet. In this age of helicopter parents, this is the only place where they get to be treated as an individual adult-in-the-making instead of the overly protected child or student that must be shielded from the world. A lot of them are trying to figure out how to deal with the horrors that happen to them or around them every day. That 16-year-old girl writing a rape/non-con fic under a pseudonym? She could be exorcising her own demons through the only way she has because no one in her life is listening to her. That 14-year-old writing about homelessness might know more about it than someone twice his age.

Expertise and experience knows no age, and as adults, we need to not fall into the trap of thinking it does. There are some kids out there that have seen and endured more than I can even imagine.

In recent years, there’s been this trend of treating kids like sexless beings until we, the adults, deem them capable of having a sense of sexuality. When the reality is, once kids start puberty, they’re developing that sexuality, and are trying to figure out what it means to them and how to navigate it, and the world. It doesn’t matter if adults are uncomfortable with it, this is what our human biology has decided for us.

And chances are, as much as adults try to curate the world and keep kids from seeing the darker, less safe stuff? They’re already doing it. I saw this when I was teaching, the kids are already accessing and interacting with stuff like sex, drugs, relationships… Whenever a faceless censor tries to block that sort of thing, they find a way around it. Humans are funny like that—we want the things that are kept away from us, whether harmful or not.

It’s our responsibility to help them think critically about what they’re seeing, and teach them to express themselves about it in a respectful manner.

So by all means: follow that amazing artist even if they are only 15. Their age doesn’t negate the fact that they have talent that needs to be nurtured and encouraged. Reblog the images and the fics that strike you, even if you find out the person writing it isn’t 18 yet. Send a shoutout via DM or review or comment to someone that you admire whether you know they’re age or not.

Unless you’re being actively creepy and offensive (and seriously, don’t do that, it’s gross whether the recipient is a minor or not), chances are these creators are desperate for some assurance that the medium they choose to express themselves in is having an effect on people—and that they have the power to make even adults sit up and listen.

So…TL;DR:

When interacting with younger fans, do so with respect. And if they say something problematic, don’t automatically cancel them and write them off as “obviously too young and immature to understand”. They understand more than you think and will seek out their interests whether adults think it’s appropriate or not. That’s how freedom works. But if we’re going to nip bad behavior like purity culture and agism in the bud, we need to start by treating minors in fandom as adults developing their worldview, not as infants to be sheltered.

#longpost #asks #fandom #content creators #content consumers #reading #writing #online etiquette

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burn-in-the-dawn · 3 years

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"CURSED" Characters' Age Breakdown (per the book)

Squirrel: 10 years old

Iris: 11 years old

Pym: 16

Nimue: 16

Gawain: 23 (see discussion below)

Uther Pendragon: 26

Arthur: age unspecified, likely 25-26 (see discussion below)

Lancelot: age unspecified, presumably same age range as Gawain & Arthur & Uther (to be discussed in more detail at a later date)

Morgana: age unspecified, likely 21-24 (she's stated in the book by Arthur to be 2 years younger than him, but he's an unreliable narrator about his past so that might be unreliable as well...see discussion below)

DISCUSSION/Explanation of Questionable and/or Speculated Ages

Gawain: Okay, so, the book expressly states him to be "7 years older" than Nimue & have left Dewdenn "at age 14", specifying his departure as having been 9 years before the story itself takes place (Nimue is confirmed several times in the book to be 16 - almost 17). And despite the fact that actor Matt Stokoe (29-30 at time of filming) does not pull off passing for early-mid 20s the way his costars do (IRL he's a few years younger than Daniel Sharman who played The Weeping Monk / Lancelot & only two years older than Devon Terrell who played Arthur), that's something I'm willing to suspend my disbelief on & mentally compartmentalize as "world-weariness & war have taken a toll & 'aged' him beyond his years". In part because, looking back at some of his roles several years ago, the actor looked damn near 30 when he was 23. My own ex looked at age 24 (when I met him) older than Stokoe does now, I've got a friend who looked mid-30s at age 19, I have old photos of my mother at age 13 where she looked completely indistinguishable from her wedding pictures at 23 or her nursing school graduation pictures at 27 & I myself was consistently mistaken for my mid-20s by the time I was 14. The classic "Gawain" hairstyle also does him no favors; there's a scene very early on in his introduction, when he & Nimue are alone in one of the caverns discussing the Sword & Merlin, where he's freshly clean shaven with his hair pulled back away from his face in a ponytail & while he still doesn't look 23 he does look considerably younger than in any other scene in the series. (I genuinely think that production was just kind of oblivious - with 34 year old Daniel Sharman so easily passing for a decade younger - to the fact Matt Stokoe was not 'reading' early-mid 20s the way his costars do). But more pointedly, in the context of 'Cursed', Arthur's fear of loosing Nimue to Gawain is played out only as jealousy directed at a perceived rival for her affection. Regardless of which one's responses & behaviors to other situations present as mature vs childish, they very expressly interact with eachother behaviorally as rivals & contemporaries, NOT like a youth vs an older adult (in fact, Gawain behaves markedly immaturely around/toward Arthur - on pretty much every level - up until Moycraig). They even choreographed the majority of Gawain's/Arthur's postures & movements to mirror eachother from their 2nd scene together onward, to draw a cinematic visual parallel between them from the very beginning. I think if Gawain being considerably older had been an intentional/conscious change on the part of the show, the dynamic of their relationship wouldn't have been staged so specifically to mirror eachother to such an extent.

Arthur: Now, that being said, even though the book doesn't specify I strongly suspect book-Arthur himself to be canonically no younger than 25. Reason being, in the Arthuriana Tradition, Arthur unknowingly being a Pendragon bastard or secret offspring is one of the single most consistent themes throughout centuries of varying lore, hand in hand with the magic Sword, for his claim to the throne. And the book does have him expressly introduce Morgana as his younger half-sister, which not only suggests same mother with different father but also that despite Arthur having been raised by him they know he's not biologically Sir Tor's (although Arthur thinks of him as such). Now, 'Cursed' is obviously forgoing the traditional lore of Arthur being Uther's illegitimate son, because no matter how you slice it Uther's too young to have fathered him even if you aged show-Uther up a decade+ from the book's specified 26 years old & aged Arthur down a bit. But beyond that, they've thrown in the added touch of Uther himself - having been secretly switched at birth for Queen Lunette's still-born son - not in fact being the previous king's true-born heir. Once the Sword passes eventually to Arthur, even with legends about "he who wields the sword will be the true king", Man Blood society will require more than prophecy to recognize/legitimize a his rulership. Though strictly speculation, if I had to make a prediction about Book/Season 2, it would be on Merlin or someone else uncovering evidence that Arthur's actually the previous king's illegitimate biological son rather than his "father" Sir Tor's - conceived shortly before the old king's death sometime during Queen Lunette's pregnancy - at a guess that evidence coming from either Arthur's aunt or uncle. I figure that evidence will wind up being publicly recognized/acknowledged as part of the climax of a redemption/growth arch for Uther, naming Arthur his "brother/heir", prior to his own death - giving Arthur a legitimate claim on the Pendragon throne that supercedes Cumber's claim as a Pendragon cousin. If I'm right in that prediction, since the old King had died by the time Uther was born, Arthur can be no more than 9 months younger than 26 year old Uther, making him at least 25. (It's debated within the fandom that he doesn't look or act like the character is out of his late teens, but considering the actor himself is 28, I'm really not sure how that's defined? Appearance-wise he's got more chest hair on display with his doublet on than Lancelot does with shirt off & his immature avoidance of responsibility seems from the book to be more reflective of subconsciously modeling Tor's example than an age indicator but he's old enough he's spent several years already as a sword-for-hire mercenary. So, while I do allow my theory in his parentage & age is speculation which Book/Season 2 may prive me completely wrong able - not ratified canon - I do stand by that theory for my fic-verse; how old someone "looks" is really subjective & debatable, plus if "maturity level" was meant to be any kind of concrete age indicator in the Cursed-verse then King Uther wouldn't spend the entire series & book acting like a spoiled 6 year old.)

[The following doesn't change anything about how old I think Arthur himself is, but creates some potential flexibility regarding Morgana's age: When Arthur's reflecting on memories of childhood - even via internal monolog - he's consistently inconsistent regarding what age he claims to have been for key noted childhood events (at one point in his thoughts he recalls being 16 with his living mother away tending to a sick relative when Tor died, but later on in the book he reflects that he'd been 10 when Morgana was sent away to Yvoire Convent after he inherited all of Sir Tor's debt with presumably no living mother around to prevent it; alternatively, the show specified he was age 12 when Tor died & Morgana was sent away). At first I thought it was a total screw-up in the writing, but then I reread Morgana's repeated characterization of him as inconsistent & flighty & self-serving & utterly full of shit, paired with Arthur's own characterization of Tor (who again, I don't think was his biological father but was certainly his most formative male role-model) as quite literally talking out of his ass about his imaginary exploits pretty much 100% of the time & Arthur himself repeatedly bending the truth to get what he wants as an ingrained survival habit consistently seen via interaction with people like Bors & Druuna. Again, this is purely speculation, but I think it his written contradictory self-reflections were probably very much on purpose to intentionally establish him as a starting off a significantly "unreliable narrator" the same way he recalls Tor being, to the point of lying to himself rather than deal with painful memories or take accountability/responsibility for uncomfortable personal flaws & faults. I suspect that him overcoming that tendency that he learned from Tor's example - with actions like admitting to Nimue he was in the wrong going after the first man he ever killed (mistakenly believing him to be one of those responsible for Tor's death) shaming his father's memory & like coming back to fight with/for the Fey - are going to be a driving feature within his growth/redemption arch in Book/Season 2.]

Morgana: The book specifies Arthur telling Nimue that Morgana is 2 years his junior; however, he establishes himself as such an unreliable narrator that I feel like anything he says about him & Morgana that's not directly corroborated by Morgana herself is suspect, even their age difference, so I'll allow for the possibility of the age gap potentially being up to 4 years instead of 2. If my guess (see above) about Arthur's paternity - therefore his age - is correct, that puts Morgana herself somewhere between 21 -24. Per societal norms of the period, that actually puts her into "old maid" territory, but contextually to the historical era, she would have been able to get away with dodging societal pressure of being married off against her wishes by that age - up until leaving the abbey at least - because of having been at convent (in contrast to 16 year old Pym, who in both the book & the show says her mother's trying to force her into an unwanted marriage to "Stinky Aaron" the human fish-wife's son).

(note: I compiled this mostly as a quick reference citation I can direct myself or my fic readers back to for my 'canon' logic on the ages I've assigned characters in my stories. I went with the ages listed in the book for my fic-verse because of the express lack of clarification of most of them given in the show & am speculating on the others based on lore-related theory, so yes the potentially problematic age difference is present. I don't intend to villainize Arthur over having pursued her, partially because even though the readers know she's 16 there's nothing in the book & only one brief comment from Gawain in the show which isn't followed up on - Ector calling her a child doesn't count because he dismisses all of them as children - to indicate that Arthur knows she's that young & many contextual reasons for him to have assumed she was older. I apologize if that offends, but it's not meant as an endorsement of it; as the story outline/concept for this fic-verse stands I have no plans on romantically pairing Nimue with anyone & no plans for Pym so soon after Dof's death to be seriously looking at anyone in that capacity until much later in the story.)

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transrightsjimin · 3 years

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was on the phone w my parents for 1 hour and almost 40 minutes today and on the one hand i think it was good to keep each other up to date on stuff and give them that social interaction they rly crave, but on the other hand i feel so fucking weird abt not saying anything when my mom talked abt having done smth very racist + pro-cop nd i was just so shocked and saddened but also didnt know what to say??

like she is in one of those neighbourhood whatsapp group chats ('buurtpreventie apps') (which are unfortunately rly popular in recent years), in which people from a certain street or flat contact each other to keep an eye on each other aka use it to report random black or arab people to the cops. which she did when two men were in her flat to collect money for charity nd apparently it was a scam bc the permit wasnt for that specific charity that week but just. my mom talking abt how she snitched on them nd the rest of the flat of even older people encouraging that, nd worst of all my mom going 'kijk dit klinkt vast een beetje racistisch maar het waren twee donkere mannen dus we dachten dat dat dezelfde waren als de oplichters waar we over hoorden' HELLO??? 🤢 like i had to say smth but then i fucking didnt bc i was just so weirded out and know how threatening my mom gets when shes criticized. like i just dont know how to get some sense or compassion into her head bc she's blocking it all. she used to be a socialist who even supported anarchists and protest state violence and now she's just.... vaguely in agreement w criticism of class structures but as soon as it's about strictness if tax authorities to the poor, or about racism, her support stops and ppl are criminal to her. it's so tiresome. so im frustrated i didnt say anything but then DID talk the ears if my dad's face by trying to explain where mask skepticism came from nd how the govt and conspiracy theorists were to blame for this and why they do this (money), but i was rambling too much prob nd my dad just doesnt follow anything bc old nd adhd nd former alcoholic (he also didnt understand what memes r which i realized too late after trying to tell him mama sent me a 13 page pdf w bad memes) nd so eventually he noted 'but please don't eh get into the opposite side of these conspiracy theories, believing in other ones' nd im just 🤦‍♂️ i prob sounded fuckingrly incomprehensible nd extreme to him??

he also asked me what i thought of the sylvana simons interview in the interview he gifted me nd i said i liked it but was side eyeing some repeated, rethorical questions she was asked abt 'extremist muslims!!'. he seemed more positive abt BIJ1 / sylvana than my mom who completely discredits them just solely based on the racist general public's treatment of her, whereas my dad seemed kind of curious but also tone policed how sylvana should have not sounded this angry and how he found it strange she kept bringing up 'minorities' and *very confused* ' l.. g... b...t ... q .. uhh'. which is still somehow better than my mom who immediately discredited her political party based on nonsense racists spout for years so i guess the bar is on the ground

nd ALSO me telling my dad contact w my mom is difficult was met w him relativating it by saying my mom is in severe pain bc chronic pains nd illnesses nd even worse lately, shes on her way to become deaf (p much is on one ear nd the other almost) nd was too stubborn to get a hearing aid (but then was more willing to in the end). but anyway his argument is not to be so harsh at mama for being so snappy bc shes in pain nd has bleeding intestines again nd hears these noises bc of her messed up ears so cant sleep etc and then theres just regular back and hip nd knee pains she has bc of deteriorating bones bc medication. like i get thats horrible nd i do get that thats why her moods change so much nd shes so scary to talk to but i dont think thats a reason to never ask her to maybe not say or do smth abusive or bigoted??

like at the time i was happy that they were finally a bit more satisisfied bc i talked to them for a long time but im just really so puzzled on what to say to them when they say smth horrible, like. i feel like i have to try to educate them nd not make them (especially my mom) move further to the right nd to racist rethoric. nd i dont even think her racist views changed that much (though she did luckily, though only somewhat, changed her mind on zwarte piet) but the netherlands is just so behind on shit that even acknowledging racism exists here is incomprehensible to ppl like her and enrages them so much bc its seen as a personal insult. like idk what to say to an old white woman who had threatened to slap me if i ever called her actions racist again, and who clearly believes in cops and antiblackness so much just like the average member of a buurtpreventie app, that calling cops on black men is justified to her. like idk how to change someones mind bc she never listened to me nd only gets aggressive nd i have to stay nice and never confront her actions bc shes in insufferable pain???? what about other disabled people who r in chronical pains and SUFFER bc of racism?? like white disabled people rly get a free pass on being shitty bc of feeling bad but the same mentality isnt applied to poc. like she's rly become a stubborn old adult who doesnt listen to / read what others state unless it doesnt challenge her views or if its on tv or whatsapp groups, nd anything confronting is met w insults or passive agressiveness. like idk how to educate ppl like that bc my parents (esp mom) clearly refuse to be open to that, and they dont use social media nd cant read the same level of english as me so all info has to be in dutch but also everything is seen as a personal insult or 'too elitist' language so i rly dont know what to do. like i want to be more than a fucking ally on only the internet nd maybe 1 or 2 protests per year, but idk how to get through the thick skulls of people 30-40 years older than me who r so hard to communicate w bc they dont get technology, social media, newer language, poc, lgbt stuff, cant read a lot of english nd stop reading at difficult words etc ???

#rambles #like im just lost #family stuff

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cherryeol04 · 4 years

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The Firsts

Summary: No one ever told him that living was going to be so difficult. That there would emotions get couldn’t label and distinguish. He’s just a young boy trying to navigate through life and its unexpected ups and downs.

Genre: Humor, Fluff, smut(?)

Pairings: Oc x Felix, Oc x Changbin, Changbin x Oc x Felix

Warnings: poly relationship, angst in some part, excessive fighting about the MCU.

Parts: Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 5 / Part 6 / Part 7 / Part 8 / Part 9 / Part 10 / Part 11 / Part 12 / Part 13 / Part 14 / Part 15 / Part 16 / Part 17

A/N: This story has a theme of Firsts. First love, first kiss and many other firsts. Each part can be read on their own and are meant to stand as oneshots. It’s basically a collection of oneshots (little snapshots into my Oc’s life. 😁)

It was the weirdest dream that Aiden had ever had and he wasn’t exactly sure why he had it or what it even meant. But it was strange enough that he was waking up at 4am, Felix’s name falling from his lips as the last remnants of sleep escaped him.

The TV in his room was still on -volume low as it cycled through video after video on YouTube - bathing him in a soft blue and white glow that allowed him to look around his room in the slight paralyzed state that he was in. This wasn’t the first time he had dreamt about Felix and it most likely wouldn’t be the last. But it was the first time that someone from outside his friend group had been involved in his dream. Knew about Felix and talked to him.

It was rather strange and Aiden wondered what the hell had actually triggered the weird images and scenarios that had filled his mind. In the most direct way, the dream he had involved Felix being a family friend’s “baby boy”. Whether he was dating the older woman or was just a sugar baby, he couldn’t actually be certain. But what he knew was that his friend acted like he hadn’t know him in the dream. Didn’t want to talk to him and Aiden was pretty sure that dream Felix had been jacking off when he had taken the phone from the family friend. At least, that’s what his mind supplied with soft grunts and barely there acknowledgements coupled with a lot of movement and noise on his end.

And while dreaming of Felix masturbating on the phone for him would have been a nice wet dream, there was just something about knowing that he wasn’t there or interesting enough for Felix that really rubbed him the wrong way - an unsettling emotion washing over him as he finally turned to his left and stared at his phone that laid innocently on his bed.

‘Would it be wrong to text him now?’

The thought raced through his mind faster than he could process the actual time that was blaring at him from the alarm app he had downloaded on his phone.

4:10 am

His hand was reaching for his phone on its own, face scanned and recognized and screen unlocking before he could start talking himself out of it. The downside of having one of the newer phones on the market. He wanted so much to call Felix and express the weird, unsettling feelings he had about this dream, but how was he supposed to explain that he had a dream about Felix jacking off over the phone to a family friend he had never met without sounding like a creep? Their friendship wasn’t a stable or solid one, at least not that he was sure of. They had only hung out a few times outside of the times they had interacted at school and while that been more than enough for Aiden, he highly doubted that it was enough to deem each other worthy of being close friends that could dream about each other.

“Hello?”

Unlike the friendship he had with Changbin.

“I’m fucked.”

“No shit. It’s 4 fucking am. What the hell are you doing calling me?”

“Binnie.” The pathetic whine that left Aiden caught Changbin’s attention and Aiden could tell as he heard the other shifting on his bed, voice sound clearly compared to the groggy greeting he got moments ago.

“What’s wrong?” His voice was soft and Aiden almost melted at the sound. The hardness in Changbin’s voice was barely there and Aiden was so thankful to have the kindness he was getting now because he honestly didn’t know what was going on with him and he needed to be able to talk to someone who would understand his strangeness. Changbin was the perfect person, having put up with Aiden’s strangeness since they were kids.

“I had this dream.” He started in, a soft sigh leaving him as he laid back on his bed. “This family friend of ours was over and she was calling and talking to Felix -“

“The fuck?”

“I know, so weird right?” He asks and sighed. “And I was like ‘I know Felix! I’ll talk to him!’ So while she was busy doing something I took the phone to talk to Felix. But all I got was like grunts and he didn’t acknowledge I was there, even when I called his name.” He paused for a moment, trying to see if Changbin was still awake and paying attention to him. It wouldn’t be the first time the other fell asleep on Aiden while on the phone with him.

“Really? That seems so unFelix like.” His voice was softer, words slightly slurred but he could tell Changbin was trying to keep himself awake.

“I know. But he was moving a lot and I could swear that he was...” he trailed off, cheeks flushing at the thought of what he was about to say. Despite Changbin already knowing about his crush on the Australian, it was still embarrassing to admit he had a semi sexual dream about Felix.

“He was what?”

“Jacking off.”

“E-excuse me, what?!” Changbin sputtered and all evidence of sleepiness disappeared from his voice. “Wait, let me get this straight. You dreamt a family friend - who is clearly older than both of you - was talking to Felix and you wanted to talk to Felix, it he was ignoring you and now he was jacking off on the phone? Which in a weird roundabout way means he was jacking off for that friend. Am I understanding this correctly?” Changbin asked and god was this a time that Aiden hated the fact that Changbin knew him so well. He didn’t even need to connect the dots for Changbin to come to the same conclusion that he had when he first woke up and started thinking about the dream.

“Yeah.” A whisper that was borderline a sob because honestly it sounded so stupid. It was stupid. Why was he like this?

“Jesus Aiden, you are fucked.”

“Thanks.” There was no bite after that comment, though he wished their had been. Changbin’s laughter that filtered through the other end of the phone made his blood boil on slightly - he was mostly just absolutely mortified over his own damn brain.

“Sorry.” Changbin apologized and sighed softly. “Aiden, that’s a weird dream but don’t think too much about it. You’re a young guy with a healthy libido and a crush on a cute guy with the most adorable freckles that -“

“Changbin.”

“You get where I’m going. It’s natural to have dreams about your crush jacking off.” Changbin finished with a chuckle. “I bet that family friend was just your brain’s way of justifying why you were hearing Felix jacking off. You just weren’t ready to think of yourself in that position with him.”

“Changbin, I love you, but you’re crazy. There is absolutely no way Felix would be my baby boy. I’m a 100% uber bottom. I’m not out here trying to be a daddy.” Aiden snorted, joining Changbin in his laughter at the statement.

“You’re not wrong. But you still got those feelings. Or maybe you want him to call you baby boy.” Changbin teases.

“Fuck, more than anything.” Aiden whispered, eyes closing for a moment as he imagined those words falling from Felix’s lips - whispered in that deep honeysuckle voice that sent shivers down his spine anytime he heard it. Which was usually only during music class the music class he shared with Felix when the other had to sing for the teacher or right after playing one of the wind instruments their teacher loved to torture them with - the recorder specifically. Those two words directed at him as he lay beneath Felix, body pliant and willing.

“Good god you need to get laid.”

“I wish but the guy I want to fuck my brains out is barely my friend. Besides, I don’t even think he has sexual thoughts.”

“The majority of people in the world have sexual thoughts, Aiden.”

“Yeah well, we’re teenagers -“

“Teenage pregnancy.”

“Damn it Changbin! I’m trying to make a valid argument over why I can’t have Felix. Be a little supportive will you?” Aiden nearly growled out in frustration. Changbin’s laughter didn’t help the situation and he let out a loud, long growl. “I’m so fucked.” He grunted.

“And not by Felix.” Changbin jabbed.

“I really hate you.”

“Go to sleep lover boy. I’ll see you at school.” Changbin snickered, a yawn following and Aiden couldn’t stop his own yawn from taking over him.

“Mmm, okay. See you later Binnie.” He whispered as he rolled onto his side, getting comfortable on his bed. “Night.” The words came out mumbled as he was already drifting back to sleep, the late night phone call taking away the weird feelings he had. There was a soft hum of acknowledgement that flitted through Aiden’s subconscious and he could have swore he heard a “night, baby” as he finally fell asleep, phone nestled between his head and pillow.

#stray kids #fanfic #skz #stray kids fanfic #stray kids au #stray kids fanfic au #skz fanfic #skz au #skz fanfc au #au story #the firsts #felix x oc #changbin x oc #changbin x oc x felix #fluff #humor

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birdlord · 4 years

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Every Book I Read in 2019

This was a heavier reading year for me (heavier culture-consumption year in general) partly because my partner started logging his books read, and then, of course, it’s a competition.

01 Morvern Callar; Alan Warner - One of the starkest books I’ve ever read. What is it about Scotland that breeds writers with such brutal, distant perspectives on life? Must be all the rocks.

02 21 Things You Might Not Know About the Indian Act; Bob Joseph - I haven’t had much education in Canada’s relationship to the Indigenous nations that came before it, so this opened things up for me quite a bit. The first and most fundamental awakening is to the fact that this is not a story of progress from worse to better (which is what a simplistic, grade school understanding of smallpox blankets>residential schools>reserves would tell you), in fact, the nation to nation relationship of early contact was often superior to what we have today. I wish there was more of a call to action, but apparently a sequel is on its way.

03 The Plot Against America; Philip Roth - An alternative history that in some ways mirrors our present. I did feel like I was always waiting for something to happen, but I suppose the point is that, even at the end of the world, disasters proceed incrementally.

04 Sabrina; Nick Drnaso - The blank art style and lack of contrast in the colouring of each page really reinforces the feeling of impersonal vacancy between most of the characters. I wonder how this will read in the future, as it’s very much based in today’s relationship to friends and technology.

05 Perfumes: The Guide; Luca Turn & Tania Sanchez - One of the things I like to do when I need to turn my brain off online is reading perfume reviews. That’s where I found out about this book, which runs through different scent families and reviews specific well-known perfumes. Every topic has its boffins, and these two are particularly witty and readable.

06 Adventures in the Screen Trade; William Goldman - Reading this made me realize how little of the cinema of the 1970s I’ve actually seen, beyond the usual heavy hitters. Ultimately I found this pretty thin, a few peices of advice stitched together with anecdotes about a Hollywood that is barely recognizable today.

07 The Age of Innocence; Edith Wharton - A love triangle in which the fulcrum is a terribly irritating person, someone who thinks himself far more outré than he is. Nonetheless, I was taken in by this story of “rebellion”, such as it was, to be compelling.

08 Boom Town: The Fantastical Saga of Oklahoma City, Its Chaotic Founding, Its Apocalyptic Weather, Its Purloined Basketball Team, and the Dream of Becoming a World-class Metropolis; Sam Anderson - Like a novel that follows various separate characters, this book switches between tales of the founding of Oklahoma City with basketball facts and encounters with various oddball city residents. It’s certainly a fun ride, but you may find, as I did, that some parts of the narrative interest you more than others. Longest subtitle ever?

09 World of Yesterday; Stefan Zweig - A memoir of pre-war Austria and its artistic communities, told by one of its best-known exports. Particularly wrenching with regards to the buildup to WWII, from the perspective of those who had been through this experience before, so recently.

10 Teach us to Sit Still: A Sceptic’s Search for Health and Healing; Tim Parks - A writer finds himself plagued by pain that conventional doctors aren’t able to cure, so he heads further afield to see if he can use stillness-of-mind to ease the pain, all the while complaining as you would expect a sceptic to do. His digressions into literature were a bit hard to take (I’m sure you’re not Coleridge, my man).

11 The Power of Moments: Why Certain Experiences have Extraordinary Impact; Chip & Dan Heath - I read this for work-related reasons, with the intention of improving my ability to make exhibitions and interpretation. It has a certain sort of self-helpish structure, with anecdotes starting each chapter and a simple lesson drawn from each one. Not a bad read if you work in a public-facing capacity.

12 Against Everything: Essays; Mark Greif - The founder of N+1 collects a disparate selection of essays, written over a period of several years. You won’t love them all, but hey, you can always skip those ones!

13 See What I Have Done; Sarah Schmidt - A retelling of the Lizzie Borden story, which I’d seen a lot of good reviews for. Sadly this didn’t measure up, for me. There’s a lot of stage setting (rotting food plays an important part) but there’s not a lot of substance there.

14 Like a Mother: A Feminist Journey Through the Science and Culture of Pregnancy; Angela Garber - This is another one that came to me very highly recommended. Garber seems to think these topics are not as well-covered as they are, but she does a good job researching and retelling tales of pregnancy, birth, postpartum difficulties and breastfeeding.

15 Rebecca; Daphne du Maurier - This was my favourite book club book of the year. I’d always had an impression of...trashiness I guess? around du Maurier, but this is a classic thriller. Maybe the first time I’ve ever read, rather than watched, a thriller! That’s on me.

16 O’Keefe: The Life of an American Legend; Jeffrey Hogrefe - I went to New Mexico for the first time this spring, and a colleague lent me this Georgia O’Keefe biography after I returned. I hadn’t known much about her personal life before this, aside from what I learned at her museum in Santa Fe. The author has made the decision that much of O’Keefe’s life was determined by childhood incest, but doesn’t have what you might call….evidence?

17 A Lost Lady; Willa Cather - A turn-of-the-20th century story about an upper-class woman and her young admirer Neil. I’ve never read any other Cather, but this felt very similar to the Wharton I also read this year, which I gather isn’t typical of her.

18 The Year of Living Danishly: My Twelve Months of Unearthing the Secrets of the World’s Happiest Country; Helen Russell - A British journalist moves to small-town Denmark with her husband, and although the distances are not long, there’s a considerable culture shock. Made me want to eat pastries in a BIG WAY.

19 How Not to be a Boy; Robert Webb - The title gives a clue to the framing device of this book, which is fundamentally a celebrity memoir, albeit one that largely ignores the celebrity part of his life in favour of an examination of the effects of patriarchy on boys’ development as human beings.

20 The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read (And Your Children Will be Glad that You Did); Philippa Perry; A psychotherapist’s take on how parents’ own upbringing affects the way they interact with their own kids.

21 The Library Book; Susan Orlean - This book has stuck with me more than I imagined that it would. It covers both the history of libraries in the USA, and the story of the arson of the LA Public Library’s central branch in 1986.

22 We Are Never Meeting in Real Life; Samantha Irby - I’ve been reading Irby’s blog for years, and follow her on social media. So I knew the level of raunch and near body-horror to expect in this essay collection. This did fill in a lot of gaps in terms of her life, which added a lot more blackness (hey) to the humour.

23 State of Wonder; Ann Patchett - A semi-riff on Heart of Darkness involving an OB/GYN who now works for a pharmaceutical company, heading to the jungle to retrieve another researcher who has gone all Colonel Kurtz on them. I found it a bit unsatisfying, but the descriptions were, admittedly, great.

24 Disappearing Earth; Julia Phillips - A story of an abduction of two girls in very remote Russia, each chapter told by another townsperson. The connections between the narrators of each chapter are sometimes obvious, but not always. Ending a little tidy, but plays against expectations for a book like this.

25 Ethan Frome; Edith Wharton - I gather this is a typical high school read, but I’d never got to it. In case you’re in the same boat as me, it’s a short, mildly melodramatic romantic tragedy set in the new england winter. It lacks the focus on class that other Whartons have, but certainly keeps the same strong sense that once you’ve made a choice, you’re stuck with it. FOREVER.

26 Educated; Tara Westover - This memoir of a Mormon fundamentalist-turned-Academic-superstar was huge on everyone’s reading lists a couple of years back, and I finally got to it. It felt similar to me in some ways to the Glass Castle, in terms of the nearly-unbelievable amounts of hell she and her family go through at the hands of her father and his Big Ideas. I found that it lacked real contemplation of the culture shock of moving from the rural mountain west to, say, Cambridge.

27 Dead Wake: The Last Crossing of Lusitania; Erik Larson - I’m a sucker for a story of a passenger liner, any non-Titanic passenger liner, really. Plus Lusitania’s story has interesting resonances for the US entry into WWI, and we see the perspective of the U-boat captain as well as people on land, and Lusitania’s own passengers and crew.

28 The Birds and Other Stories; Daphne du Maurier - The title story is the one that stuck in my head most strongly, which isn’t any surprise. I found it much more harrowing than the film, it had a really effective sense of gradually increasing dread and inevitability.

29 Someone Who Will Love You in All Your Faded Glory; Raphael Bob-Waksberg - Hit or miss in the usual way of short story collections, this book has a real debt to George Saunders.

30 Sex & Rage; Eve Babitz - a sort of pseudo-autobiography of an indolent life in the LA scene of the 1970s. It was sometimes very difficult to see how the protagonist actually felt about anything, which is a frequent, acute symptom of youth.

31 Doctor Fischer of Geneva or The Bomb Party; Graham Greene - Gotta love a book with an alternate title built in. This is a broad (the characters? are, without exception, insane?!) satire about a world I know little about. I don’t have a lot of patience or interest in Greene’s religious allegories, but it’s a fine enough story.

32 Lathe of Heaven; Ursula K LeGuin - Near-future sci-fi that is incredibly prescient about the effects of climate change for a book written over forty years ago. The book has amazing world-building, and the first half has the whirlwind feel of Homer going back in time, killing butterflies and returning to the present to see what changes he has wrought.

33 The Grammarians; Cathleen Schine - Rarely have I read a book whose jacket description of the plot seems so very distant from what actually happens therein.

34 The Boy Kings: A Journey Into the Heart of the Social Network; Katharine Losse - Losse was one of Facebook’s very earliest employees, and she charts her experience with the company in this memoir from 2012. Do you even recall what Facebook was like in 2012? They hadn’t even altered the results of elections yet! Zuck was a mere MULTI-MILLIONAIRE, probably. Were we ever so young?

35 Invisible Women; Caroline Ciado Perez - If you want to read a book that will make you angry, so angry that you repeatedly assail whoever is around with facts taken from it, then this, my friend, is the book for you.

36 The Hidden World of the Fox; Adele Brand - A really charming look at the fox from an ecologist who has studied them around the world. Much of it takes place in the UK, where urban foxes take on a similar ecological niche that raccoons famously do where I live, in Toronto.

37 S; Doug Dorst & JJ Abrams - This is a real mindfuck of a book, consisting of a faux-old novel, with marginalia added by two students which follows its own narrative. A difficult read not because of the density of prose, but the sheer logistics involved: read the page, then the marginalia? Read the marginalia interspersed with the novel text? Go back chapter by chapter? I’m not sure that either story was worth the trouble, in the end.

38 American War; Omar El Akkad - This is not exclusively, but partially a climate-based speculative novel, or, grossly, cli-fi for short. Ugh, what a term! But this book is a really tight, and realistic look at the results of a fossil-fuels-based second US Civil War.

39 Antisocial: Online Extremists, Techno-Utopians, and the Hijacking of the American Conversation; Andrew Marantz - This is the guy you’ll hear on every NPR story talking about his semi-embedding within the Extremely Online alt-right. Most of the figures he profiles come off basically how you’d expect, I found his conclusions about the ways these groups have chosen to use online media tools to achieve their ends the most illuminating part.

40 Wilding: The Return of Nature to a British Farm; Isabella Tree - This is the story of a long process of transitioning a rural acreage (more of an estate than a farm, this is aristocratic shit) from intensive agriculture to something closer to wild land. There are long passages where Tree (ahem) simply lists species which have come back, which I’m sure is fascinating if you are from the area, but I tended to glaze over a bit. Experts from around the UK and other European nations weigh in on how best to rewild the space, which places the project in a wider context.

FICTON: 17 NONFICTION: 23

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tlblah · 4 years

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Ok so pausing the reread (I’m at the part where Percy just got his prophecy) but like so I’ve been in this fandom forever. I kind of leave when there’s huge discord. (I’ve grown up with a lot of different fandoms and it gets to be intense so I don’t really interact) and I know we’re at the point where we are separating the content from the author while also acknowledging the failures that come from said authors (like Riordan sticking to stereotypes instead of writing characters who deal and break those stereotypes, the current fandom discussion) but my question when I started reread is specifically about the Big Three.

Like I understand that as we read this book we are naturally made to think that Poseidon is the best of the three bc he actually seems to acknowledge Percy and in his own way be a good father to him. But I started to think about the pact that was brought up and it’s origins.

Its stated that WW2 was Zeus and Poseidon against Hades and obviously we’re supposed to infer that Hades was Germany and Zeus and Poseidon are England and the US or whatever “good” nations you want to pick. But what my brain caught on was that my views on said gods are different at the moment.

Zeus is supposed to be the ruler right, but he acts like a little bitch, cheats on his wife, is always suspicious of people and in general doesn’t sound like a great leader. As an American I can’t help but confer him with our current dumpster fire of a president and government. Also Zeus is the truest fuck boy of them all. So I can’t really see him as this paragon that he’s supposed to be. I see him as this fraud.

Hades, on the other hand, is supposed to be bad, he’s intended to be this baleful brother jealous of his siblings and the lot he was given. But of course over the years we’ve all basically decided Hades is the soft one compared to his queen of a wife Persephone and as a whole have seen him not as this figure if evil but of a different realm. People are scared of darkness bc they don’t know it and don’t understand it but it doesn’t mean it’s evil. Hades has just been shaped differently bc his lot and people who don’t understand that realm judge him without learning.

(Poseidon is just Poseidon bc Riordan keeps him as this perfect figure who would be an amazing father if only he wasn’t a god. Which I mean false but I haven’t been able to wrangle him as much as I’ve been thinking about Zeus and Hades so we’ll come back to him later)

So I guess what I’m realizing is that distance and growth changes how you see figure heads and events. Bc as I read about the pact and WW2 through the books premise I couldn’t help challenge my initial reading as a 13 year old in like maybe 2007. When I read it Zeus and Poseidon were on the “good” side of the war, and Hades was obviously meant to be Germany, the evil side. But now as a 26 year old in 2020, my brain wanted to flip that and put Zeus on the bad side.

WW2 was hell. Millions of Jewish people were killed in an atrocious genocide. But from where I’m standing now Zeus represents the worst of the beaucrats, who only care about money and power. And part of me sides with Hades, the one person who has to take in all of the dead, these lost and extinguished souls and I think his children would have rose up and fought to end the needless killings. They would have gone up against Zeus and Poseidon to keep them from extending their power over people and trying to shape the world to their “perfect image”.

I.e my brain wanted to flip and put hades as the good countries and Zeus as Germany.

Maybe that just because of how I’m feeling in this current pandemic. When the government had gone to crap and precious lives are being lost for no good reason and I can’t seem to make Hades the bad guy but I can say fuck you to Zeus bc he just feels like he’s be the one that the corrupt men in power would pray to. Because the people who would look to Zeus and see someone powerful would be the ones currently trying to save not live but the economy. While I currently look at Zeus as a failure of politicians and the beginning of greed and fuckboy-erie, I don’t look to Hades in the negative ways that is implied at the beginning of the book.

I mean I never looked to Hades as an evil god, at least once we got to further learn the character as well as see him through the eyes of Nico as well. I guess I’m currently looking at him from our current perspective. We never had to really worry and pay attention to the government just as Hades did living in the underworld. But now that the fuckery that is the earth is reaching into our daily lives and personally affecting us, (people not wearing masks, rights being taken away, ACAB) we can not stay quiet and apart from the world. Hades has to make his presence and his power known because he is god of the underworld and he won’t stand by while people who were not scheduled to die flood his kingdom as a result of Zeus’s idiot followers

I mean obviously the Greek gods aren’t real. They’re an amalgamation of ideas and principles but it’s still interesting to realize that we are at a turning point in time. And in turn a turning point of how I am reading these gods. I am rethink many aspects of this series that I just accepted as a child and debate the ideas and principles that were completely different over a decade ago.

It feels weird to even think that we are living through the fall of Rome but it truly feels that way

*edit*

I thought about Poseidon’s possible current role and he is either siding with Zeus and basically the republicans who are just going along bc they think they’ll benefit. I’m not exactly sold on this idea. The larger part of me wants to cast possiden as the countries that have a hold on the covid pandemic and look at the US like we’re Florida. Which means they’d side with Hades which makes more sense bc Poseidon has always been the one to challenge Zeus and if Zeus won’t listen pull him off the throne. Ok I’m calling it rn is Hades and Poseidon vs Zeus and I actually like that idea of Poseidon. He’s the oceans, the one thing that covers the earth and connects it all. He wouldnt represent countries turning inwards and abandoning the rest of the world. The ocean is open waters and free if borders. It’s perfect representation of this day an age. Ugh tell me I haven’t been biased into thinking Poseidon is better than the rest. No you know what Hades and Poseidon are equals. It’s only Zeus who thinks he’s better than anyone.

#percy jackson reread #excuse my rambling #it just threw me off guard that i flipped who was on what side #i may have realized my deep held grudge against fuck boy zeus and how much i connect him to government #like fuck america is a shit show and i hate it here #like i wish there was a hades that had the power to best the crooked power if a corrupt government so easily #the constant fighting the last couple of years is taking a toll on me #this is too heavy thinking for what ive only just begun to read #i blame it on the time #its 3:30 in the morning #i no longer believe america is great #they only entered WW2 bc they had to proce to japan they couldnt be attacked without reprecussions #they were completelt fine sitting out the main war and people dying until it directly affected them #and you wonder why americans wont wear masks #fucking hate some americans theyre so self involved #america had always been an I country not a WE #cant wait to see it reborn

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ovyy-pvcure · 4 years

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Things I wish were better pt 1: Midoriya and Bakugou alone

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No one asked but my top 4(5?) list of things about...

Expansion you say??? �� gimme deets op i love analysis like this and agree with every point

I can always count on you to enable me. Before we begin these criticisms come from a place of love. I like this manga and wish it was better. @nanininni235

1) Midoriya is a boring protagonist. On a personal level Midoriya has seen almost no growth whatsoever. Near the start of the series he reclaimed Bakugou’s insult towards him, and in the Apprentice Arc he finally started to come to terms that it was ‘his power’. Then his development as a person just kind of...stops. Not that Midoriya has a lot of baggage or personality flaws to overcome that Hori ever wants to focus on anyway.

Personality-wise there’s little to hate of Midoriya as he’s sweet earnest and accepting with few bad words for anyone...because he has no opinions or values beyond wanting to be a hero. You can make Midoriya mad in the short-term but he never holds a grudge against anyone. Not his childhood bullies or the system and teachers that enabled them. Not Endeavor who betrayed the public’s trust and ruined the lives of his family on a personal quest for glory in a flawed system. Not Sir Nighteye who poked at his vulnerabilities regarding OFA and was unfair to him from moment one.

Midoriya wants to be a public hero like All Might but still has difficulty leading in non-stress situations and we can almost forget talking to girls, strangers, the media, ...strange girls. This is a massive character flaw that directly stands between him and his dream of being the ‘#1 Hero’ but it's used for comedy rather than treated as the giant stumbling block that it is despite UA having an entire course and class dedicated to PR. This despite what happened to Yaoyoruzu during her own Apprenticeship of which we’ll discuss more in part 5. Instead, all of Midoriya’s serious hero training is focused on ‘how punch better’ despite that being established as a thing Midoriya is already working on making these latter sections a much better chance to focus on other areas in which Midoriya is still far from his dream.

Bafflingly Hori even wrote himself into and then neatly out-of forcing Midoriya out of his comfort zone in a way that would force him to confront this and make him an actual ‘leader of his class’ beyond him generically working hard (something we never see him doing beyond the level of his classmates and I’ll get to that). Midoriya was elected class president on the back of his showing in the entrance exam -his raw power and natural inclination towards heroism- as opposed to his ability to be charismatic or even speak with new people. Midoriya’s nervous disposition and fear of strangers makes a poor first impression with the class and vice-president Yaoyurozu

This situation is not solved by Midoriya having to interact with his classmates-at this point total strangers- and slowly earning the approval of the ones who didn’t vote for him. Taking his noted organizational skills and putting them to use earning respect for his diligence from his new colleague. Meeting his peers from other classes/courses and getting an inside view into how these other sections of the school are doing as he slowly networks inside the future hero industry he wants to be at the forefront of. Instead, our protagonist cedes his position to Iida - already a confident taciturn natural leader-within mere hours before we even see him try. Over his vice-president without telling her.

Even Midoriya’s stated strengths of intelligence and strategy have gone underutilized as his enforced passivity leads to a lot of flashes of convenient insight (looking at Stain here specifically) over time spent analyzing bigger problems including his own difficulties controlling his Quirk the way he's shown to do for his classmates. Solo conflicts and Midoriya’s strength inducing quirk fail to use the abilities he already had and there’s no time spent reinforcing those abilities on screen either. Thus, we circle back around to the ‘how punch better’ problem from before where Midoriya’s growth as a character (and followingly as a person) is tied entirely into his Quirk....just like society says it should be.

Even outside his role of future hero, Midoriya is paper-thin he’s a hero otaku and nothing else -as indicated by his room- but even then only on paper. Midoriya doesn’t reference the hero strategies’ he's spent years observing and categorizing (in 13 notebooks) for his plans after getting his quirk. He doesn’t run around wearing hero merch outside of All Might gear. We don’t see or hear of him on hero forums. He didn’t know about Sir Nighteye or David Shield. He knew about Eraserhead but not All Might’s former sidekick.

Midoriya suffered a decade of physical and mental abuse from everyone including his teachers for his Quirkless status as a direct result of how Heros and powerful quirks are idolized within society over personality and merit. Despite suffering from his ‘outsider’ status for the majority of his life and watching his friend become twisted because he could no wrong as no one wanted to ‘ruin his future’ Midoriya shows no resentment towards the system or the people who unflinchingly follow it. This, along with many other instances of a broken system turning out broken people -Shouto, Shinso-affect Midoriya’s outlook on hero society all of nothing. He has brief moments of reflection on the state of affairs but little impetus or stated desire to change how things are done despite the manga making it clear that that’s something that needs to happen.

Midoriya spends no time reflecting on how he wants to be the ‘can-do’ hero despite the fact that he couldn’t. With Hero society’s focus on flashy quirks and big fights even if Midoriya had applied himself with physical training on top of his analysis work without All Might granting him a Quirk Midoriya literally could not ever have followed his dream. And his Quirk grows more powerful his rise is less due to inventive use of his power and more the sheer scale of it.

Youtuber Explanation Point made a video about why Hero Aca’s simple characterization works, and I agree. However almost 300 chapters into the manga we should have a more nuanced view of our main character’s world view, how he interacts with the world around him, and what he wants to enact on the world.

2) Bakugou is coddled by the narrative. Let me start by defining that: The narrative often warps around Bakugou’s character. Be it characters shilling his tiniest acts of decency into huge moments of growth or illogically putting up with his attitude as he treats them like dirt. Bakugou’s pivotal moment of growth is mostly part 3 material but it's spent placating him and enforcing who he is rather than trying to change his negative aspects.

A huge problem with Bakugou’s writing is how his own actions often lead him into negative situations but a lack of self-reflection on his or the narrative’s part cripples his growth. Let’s go through this chronologically: Bakugou is attacked by the Slime Villian because he’s all alone because he chased away his lackeys because they suggested that maybe telling Midoriya to kill himself was crossing a line. Bakugou will continue to be an anti-social jerk who refuses to take criticism without ever acknowledging this. Bakugou continuously makes an ass of himself in front of his new class because he’s still acting like the big fish in a little pond, but doesn’t suffer from ostracization and is only lightly teased even while he’s actively making the class enemies in the Sports Festival Arc. [Expanded in point 4] Bakugou completely fails against Kurogiri and makes everything worse only to turn around have a plan instantly and save the day that wouldn’t have needed saving if not for him messing things up in the first place. Yes, Kirishima also messed up but Kiri admits to being wrong while Bakugou does not.

Bakugou getting kidnapped is not his fault. This is an accurate statement of fact. Bakugou screaming at the top of his lungs, and acting like a rabid dog on Live TV is his fault. The kidnapping was a direct result of the tantrum but this should have already been addressed by his teachers as such unprofessional behavior is all Bakugou’s shown the world since he stepped on the pulpit at the beginning of the arc. Mr. Compress manages to slip through the gang’s defensive formation and steals away Bakugou and Tokoyami, which does nothing to further Bakugou’s arc. The villain’s kidnapping should be the culmination of Bakugou's mistakes and character flaws in the first part of the series that have been noticed and addressed by the people who should be mentoring him. Had Bakugou objected to being “look down on”-like with Midoriya- and ran off to fight the villains on his own despite warning -like with 13- his ensuing capture-like the Slime Villain-would have hit harder as then his getting kidnapped could be once again laid at the feet of his anti-social loner attitude. As it stands Bakugou’s breakdown is entirely self-inflicted as prior no one was blaming or criticizing him for his actions on-screen.

Bakugou fails the license exam, but we’re never given an explicit reason as the only thing we see is a couple of examiners twisting Bakugou’s utterly callous words into a positive. For Bakugou’s failure here to count we need to see him fail not to be arbitrarily praised for things he clearly wasn’t thinking about.

#hashbrowncatsandketchup #bnha #might need to come in and clean some of this up #pt 1 of 2 #bnha criticism #I wouldn't spend this many words on something I hated #I just see so much potential and its a shame its not being capitalized on better #I have so many Words about Midoriya

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