#even then its not rly there i still gotta long way to go

[flowerygraves]

been catalyzing a lot lately its been very good for me so far

[sluttysturn]

˖ ݁𖥔 ݁˖ ౨ৎ ˖ ݁𖥔 ݁˖ ౨ৎ ˖ ݁𖥔 ݁˖ ౨ৎ ˖ ݁𖥔 ݁˖ ౨ৎ ˖ ݁𖥔 ݁˖ ౨ৎ ˖ ݁ 𖥔 ݁˖ ౨ৎ ˖ ݁

˖ ݁𖥔 ݁˖𝖶𝖧𝖠𝖳 𝖠 𝖥𝖫𝖨𝖱𝖳˖ ݁𖥔 ݁˖

˖ ݁𖥔 ݁˖ ౨ৎ ˖ ݁𖥔 ݁˖ ౨ৎ ˖ ݁𖥔 ݁˖ ౨ৎ ˖ ݁𖥔 ݁˖ ౨ৎ ˖ ݁𖥔 ݁˖ ౨ৎ ˖ ݁ 𖥔 ݁˖ ౨ৎ ˖ ݁

pairing: bsf/dealer!chris x bsf/buyer!reader

in which chris is your best friend and dealer, but he has a crush on you and isn’t afraid to show it.

TW: smoking, kissing, swearing, idk what else

requested?: yes! by @sturniolotrophywife (it won’t let me tag you but if you see this, here ya go!)

notes: (color of who’s speaking: chris | y/n)

a/n: i rly rly liked this idea!! i hope you guys did too!! if you do like this be sure to follow/ reblog and leave requests!! love youuuu!

˖ ݁𖥔 ݁˖ ౨ৎ ˖ ݁𖥔 ݁˖ ౨ৎ ˖ ݁𖥔 ݁˖ ౨ৎ ˖ ݁𖥔 ݁˖ ౨ৎ ˖ ݁𖥔 ݁˖ ౨ৎ ˖ ݁ 𖥔 ݁˖ ౨ৎ ˖ ݁

i was currently sitting in bed bored as hell. i wouldn’t mind being high right now. actually i really wanna be.

so much is going on and i wanna get my mind off of everything.

i hit up my dealer, which is also my best friend, chris. sometimes, he wants to be a dick and tell me no and that he doesn’t want me doing it. but i know he just wants what’s best for me.

i texted him anyways, hoping he’d say yes, and maybe even smoke with me.

thank god.

i waited for about 20 minutes when i heard a knock at my door.

finally.

i headed down stairs and opened the door to see chris standing on the other side.

the way his hair fell perfectly against his forehead, the way his hoodie fit perfectly around his body, the way his eyes sparkled while looking into mine.

no stop he’s my best friend.

“hi pretty girl” chris said winking at my with a goofy smile.

i rolled my eyes and laughed lightly, “you know you have a key right?”

“i left it home since you insisted i get here fast”

he rolled his eyes and he handed me the blunt.

“thanks. how much do you need?”

“don’t worry about it.”

“no chris. how much?”

“i’m not taking your money y/n.”

“whatever- come smoke with me?” i paused, “unless you gotta go to other people.”

“they can wait. sure.”

“ok cmon.”

i grabbed his hand and took him upstairs. i was happy he wanted to smoke with me. i loved hanging out with him.

i open my bedroom window and we crawled out and onto the roof.

my house had a roof connected to my window, so it was an easy spot to smoke so my room didn’t reek of weed.

we sat down next to each other.

“y/n, you know i hate when you smoke right?”

“yeah but why?”

“because i actually care about you and i don’t want you to end up like me.”

“i’m fine chris. i just need a break from life, you know?”

he put his arm around my shoulder and rested his head on top of mine.

“yeah i get that.. im sorry you feel that way,” he paused, “but you know you can always talk to me, right?”

“you know i don’t like talking about my problems, but, i know.”

i unwrapped the blunt and took it out. i pulled out my lighter and rolled my thumb against the metal thingy (i don’t know what it’s called).

i grazed the bottom of the blunt with the fire and took a drag of it.

i inhaled the smoke, and exhaled passing it to chris.

we talked and smoke for around 30 minutes before the blunt was gone.

˖ ݁𖥔 ݁˖

“fuck, i needed this” i said with droopy, red eyes.

i looked over at chris, he was so pretty. being high always made him look even more attractive.

chris looked back over at me. little did i know he was thinking the same thing. he smile at me and grabbed my hand, interlocking his fingers with mine.

“y/n can i tell you something?”

“go for it.”

he took a deep breath before speaking again.

“i love you. like really fucking love you. i know its kinda crazy b’cause we’ve been best friends for so long, but im truly in love with you. that’s why i don’t like when you smoke. i don’t want you to be a crack head, like me.”

i was speechless. my best friend of almost 18 years was in love with me?

that handsome man. in love with someone like me?

“chris your not a crack head. you still care about people and you don’t make being high your entire personality. and, i love you too. i really fucking love you too.”

i looked into his beautiful blue eyes and smiled.

he smile back and leaned his face close to mine, but stopped before his lips connected with mine.

“can i kiss you?”

(CONSENTT IS KEYY)

“please”

he finally connect his lips with mine.

our lips were moving in a rhythm and harmony. he was such a good kisser. holy shit.

being high really increased the way i felt like i was sinking into him. it felt as if our body were actually morphing into one.

he pulled away soon after and began to speak.

“y/n y/l/n, will you please give me the honor of being your boyfriend.”

“yes chris.”

he pecked my lips once more.

“also i will be asking you again when we’re sober, so it’ll be more real, you know?”

“thank you, i love you chris.”

“i love you y/n.”

˖ ݁𖥔 ݁˖ ౨ৎ ˖ ݁𖥔 ݁˖ ౨ৎ ˖ ݁𖥔 ݁˖ ౨ৎ ˖ ݁𖥔 ݁˖ ౨ৎ ˖ ݁𖥔 ݁˖ ౨ৎ ˖ ݁ 𖥔 ݁˖ ౨ৎ ˖ ݁

a/n: I KINDA LOVE DEALER!CHRIS. BUT ANYWAYS I HOPE YOU LIKED THIS, AND IF YOU DID PLEASE FOLLOW/ REBLOG AND REQUESTTTT!! LOVE YOUUUU!!

[lipglossanon]

just cant stop thinking abt dad leon like 😣

kinda want one where he pops her cherry bc :3

like, he's gonna be using the same thing that made her so, can't be too bad, right?

leon is basically a single dad, so it means mum is completely out of the way, so dad has to work day and night, barely has any time for her

she thinks applying for a college not far from home means she can still live under his roof, in desperate hopes of being able to spend more time with him before she graduates and moves out

obv, growing up without a mum means she had to raise herself, bc, even tho leon tries, its still different than having a maternal figure with u while u navigate girlhood, esp with things he cant (at all) help her with

so when he goes home late and catches her... 'experimenting', he doesnt know what to do. completely freezes up as he sees her messily finger herself, she just cant rub her clit right, so its a struggle to fit a single digit in since she cant get wet enough. its awkward yet hot, watching his sweet daughter trying to stuff her cunt with a finger, her hole too tight to the point that she cant even find any pleasure in... pleasuring herself at all. hes about to leave, but his dick is just too hard that its uncomfy so he accidentally makes a noise and makes himself known, both staring at one another with wide eyes. and just when hes abt to leave and act like nothing happened, she bursts out crying from embarassment and he just cant resist her so he goes in to comfort her and tho he knows its fucked up, he offers to help

he eats her out to get her wet enough to finger her properly without much difficulty this time. its slow and sweet, bc thats what his babygirl deserves, even if it wasnt him doing it. but the thought of some dumb college jock taking her virginity fully just doesnt sound right to him so?? he just HAS to do it himself. obviously, she thinks that, even though they were way past it, just inappropriate, bc... eating her out and fingering her is ok as long as he doesnt rly fuck her, right? so he gives up and settles for some panty-fucking, just sliding his cock against her pussy lips through the fabric of her panties (which he eventually yanks to the side because he just needs to feel her), bc it doesnt count if it doesnt go in, but shes just so wet that the tip accidentally (and easily) slips down her hole, but since hes already there, he coaxes her into letting him in and just popping her cherry 😣

(sorry that was so long 😭) (can u tell if im ovulating)

Me right now as I’m reading that 🤭

Anon, I love love love the trope of the tip slipping in so might as well just get dicked down 😌 that and ‘just the tip baby, swear that’s all’ 🥴 both are good 😵‍💫

And it just makes it ten times more taboo if Leon’s the one to pop his daughter’s cherry, using a flimsy ass excuse of ‘dad’s gotta show you how it is so some dumbass boy won’t take advantage’ 🤭

[violettwrites]

in the arms of the broken — daryl dixon

a/n: to the dear nonnie that requested this 🫶🏻 thank u sm i absolutely adored writing this (i rly should be sleeping but i can’t so here i am) i hope you enjoy !!

if you enjoyed reading this, please support me by giving me a like, reblog, and/or comment ! don’t forget to follow me either if you want to read more of my stuff !

request: anon said — “i also like the dialogue prompt ‘i don’t know… i’ve never seen her like this’ that tugs at the heart strings”

summary: reader cannot cope with the way the world has become, during a particularly hard night for themselves, daryl dixon is the one to comfort them.

warnings: angst/sadness ,,, thats it rly

word count: 1,241

recourses: divider by @adornedwithlight

➵ tp!daryl masterlist

➵ regular masterlist

here is my ask box !

the night was quiet except for the crackle of the fire, but it felt wrong—like the world had gone still, holding its breath. you sat by the flames, knees drawn to your chest, staring blankly into the flickering light. the heat touched your skin, but it didn’t reach you, didn’t chase away the cold that had settled deep inside.

daryl watched you from a distance, leaning against a tree with his arms crossed over his chest. he’d been keeping an eye on you for days, noticing the way you’d been pulling away from everyone, isolating yourself. you’d always been strong, always held it together for the sake of the group, but something was different now. something had changed, and it scared him. you were like a shadow of yourself, your spirit drained, your eyes distant.

rick approached him, eyes flicking over to you before meeting daryl’s. “how’s she holdin’ up?”

daryl didn’t answer right away, his jaw tightening as he watched the way you sat so still, your body hunched like the weight of everything had finally become too much to carry. he shook his head, his voice quiet and rough. “i don’t know… i’ve never seen her like this.”

rick nodded, his expression grim. “she’s been through a lot. more than most of us. maybe she just needs some time.”

rick can recall the first time they found you, smack bang in the middle of atlanta, all alone. you were covered in blood and guts, and if he hadn’t actually heard how you begged for help when he saw you, your voice barely audible, he honestly would have thought you were just another walker.

“time ain’t gonna fix what’s broken,” daryl muttered under his breath, the frustration simmering beneath his skin. time wasn’t enough when you were drowning, when you couldn’t see a way out of the darkness. and he hated that he didn’t know how to pull you out.

rick gave him a look, one that said everything he didn’t need to say out loud. “you’re the one she’ll listen to, daryl. talk to her.”

daryl stood there a moment longer, watching the way you curled into yourself, like you were trying to disappear. every instinct in him told him to go to you, but he hesitated, unsure if his words would even matter. still, he couldn’t just leave you like this.

he finally pushed off the tree and walked over, his boots crunching softly against the dirt. he lowered himself to the ground beside you, sitting close enough that you could feel his presence, but not so close that he’d crowd you.

for a while, neither of you said anything. the fire crackled between you, the only sound breaking the silence of the night. daryl wasn’t sure how to start, wasn’t good with words even on the best of days. but he knew you, and he knew the way you got when things started to spiral out of control in your head.

“you don’t gotta shut us out, y’know,” he finally said, his voice gruff but soft. “we’re all here for ya.”

you didn’t respond at first, your eyes still fixed on the flames like they held some kind of answer you were searching for. after a long moment, you sighed, your voice barely a whisper. “i’m tired, daryl.”

those words hit him like a punch to the gut. he’d seen people break before, seen the way this world could wear someone down until there was nothing left. but hearing you say it, seeing you like this—it scared him more than he wanted to admit.

“i know,” he said quietly. “we all are. but we’re still fightin’. you’re still fightin’.”

you shook your head, your voice trembling as you spoke. “i don’t know if i can anymore. every day feels like it’s getting harder. like… like i’m losing pieces of myself.”

daryl’s chest tightened. he’d always admired your strength, the way you kept going no matter how hard things got. but now, hearing you say you were falling apart—it made him realize just how much he hadn’t noticed.

“you ain’t losin’ yourself,” he said, his voice firm but gentle. “you’re still here. we’re still here.”

you swallowed hard, tears brimming in your eyes. “i feel like i’m drowning. like no matter what i do, it’s never enough. i can’t save everyone, daryl.”

that was it, wasn’t it? the burden you carried, the weight of trying to protect everyone, to hold the group together when everything was falling apart. it was breaking you.

daryl shifted closer, his hand reaching out to rest on your arm, hesitant at first, but firm once it was there. “you don’t gotta save everyone. that ain’t on you.”

your voice cracked as you spoke, the tears spilling over now. “but if i don’t… who will?”

daryl’s heart clenched at the raw pain in your voice. he wished he had the right words, wished he could take that weight off your shoulders. but he knew he couldn’t fix everything. what he could do, though, was remind you that you weren’t alone.

“you don’t have to,” he said, his thumb gently brushing your arm in a way that was more comforting than he realized. “we’re all in this together. you ain’t gotta carry the world by yourself.”

you turned to look at him, and the vulnerability in your eyes nearly broke him. he wasn’t used to seeing you like this, so lost and fragile. he hated it. he hated that you felt like you had to carry the world alone, that you felt like you were drowning.

“i don’t know how to stop feeling like this,” you whispered, your voice shaking. “everything feels so heavy.”

daryl swallowed hard, his own heart aching at how much pain you were in. he didn’t know how to take that pain away, but he could be there for you. he could be the one thing you could hold on to when everything else felt like it was slipping away.

“you ain’t alone,” he said, his voice low but steady. “you got me. no matter what, you got me.”

you looked at him then, really looked at him, and for the first time in days, you felt like you could breathe just a little easier. his words were simple, but they grounded you. daryl had always been your anchor, and in this moment, you needed him more than ever.

without thinking, you leaned into him, your forehead resting against his shoulder as the tears came harder, your body shaking with the force of them. daryl didn’t hesitate. he wrapped his arm around you, pulling you closer, his hand rubbing slow circles on your back.

“let it out,” he murmured, his voice barely above a whisper. “it’s okay. i got ya.”

and for the first time in a long time, you let yourself fall apart. you let the tears come, let the pain you’d been holding in for so long spill out. daryl didn’t say anything more, didn’t need to. he just held you, his presence steady and unwavering, letting you know without words that you didn’t have to carry this burden alone.

the fire crackled softly beside you, but the world felt a little less cold with daryl holding you. you weren’t okay. you weren’t sure when—or if—you’d ever be okay again. but for now, in his arms, you felt like you didn’t have to be.

and maybe that was enough.

[bloodborne-on-pc]

Oouuuggghhh I can't sleep, incoherent ramble time:

Why is the Knight/Ghost so tiny in comparison to their siblings? The Hollow Knight is goddamn huge, and even the Broken Vessel is a fair bit taller than Ghost.

But like, Ghost is the same age as the Hollow Knight. Why 'n how are they so different? Like, at first I was thinking maybe it had something to do with the way the Pale King brought up THK. Cultivating THK's power or something, I dunno. But then I gotta wonder, what's up with BV? We don't really know why it's outside the Abyss; whether it's another escapee like Ghost - in which case, it would've grown to that size on its own - or they were let out of the Abyss as a potential candidate for containing the Radiance - in which case, the growth again could've been due to the Pale King giving them protein shakes or whatever. They still have a rounded face, similar to Ghost, so I guess you could say it didn't finish growing up - whether being unable to survive on their own or being killed purposefully for not being hollow.

But also, like, we see other Vessels out and about in Hallownest. Again, never made clear if they escaped on their own or were let out. But they generally seem pretty close to Ghost in terms of size. I think maybe some are slightly bigger? I'd have to look again, it's been a while. So, who knows why they're all the sizes they are.

I guess, the only other thought I had was, if you want to go with "all Vessels can get that big even without PK's help" is that maybe Ghost was dormant or something. We don't know much about what they were up to before the game started. Just that it was somewhere outside Hallownest. Maybe Ghost just took a really long nap, and after waking up, made its way back to Hallownest. Ghost didn't get big, since it wasn't eating or fighting or anything. Just conserving their energy. I rly dunno.

[pesterloglog]

John Egbert, Roxy Lalonde

Act 6, page 6989-6990

JOHN: poor rose.

JOHN: she was always too brave for her own good.

JOHN: this is exactly what happened last time.

ROXY: last time?

JOHN: um.

JOHN: it was years ago.

JOHN: when jack killed our parents.

JOHN: and we tried to fight him but we weren't strong enough to face him yet.

JOHN: so he killed her.

JOHN: but at least that time...

JOHN: i could bring her back to life.

ROXY: how

JOHN: uh...

JOHN: just, like...

JOHN: using a certain method.

JOHN: that is not an option anymore.

ROXY: ...

JOHN: that's the weird thing about this for me.

JOHN: i'm sitting here, looking at my dead friend.

JOHN: and it's really sad.

JOHN: but at the same time...

JOHN: all of this has already happened before.

JOHN: the death and tragedy and stuff.

JOHN: getting painted into the corner of yet another unwinnable situation.

JOHN: it keeps happening.

JOHN: and i don't know how to stop it!

ROXY: yeah

ROXY: me neither

JOHN: but we can't give up, right?

JOHN: i mean, we've all been in worse situations and gotten out of those, right?

ROXY: er

ROXY: have we rly

JOHN: well...

JOHN: hm.

JOHN: no, i guess we haven't.

JOHN: i guess this like, may be quite literally the worst thing that's ever happened??

JOHN: i mean, not to put too fine a point on ranking shitty things.

JOHN: but this is about as unbelievably shitty as it gets.

JOHN: i keep thinking about what i could have done to...

JOHN: or what i STILL could do if only i...

JOHN: if somehow i could learn to control this...

JOHN: or like, even better understand this...

JOHN: this stupid, zappy, retconny...

JOHN: WHATEVER IT IS.

JOHN: bluh.

ROXY: john yo

ROXY: chill

JOHN: chill?

ROXY: yes

ROXY: maybe we should try to like

ROXY: not worry about shit so much anymore

JOHN: why not?

JOHN: there are so many problems!

ROXY: i know

ROXY: i know all about the problems

ROXY: and we are both way brave and all

ROXY: im sure between us we proved that hella many times already

ROXY: but man

ROXY: i never wanted anything more than to meet my mom

ROXY: to meet rose i mean

ROXY: and to just

ROXY: be with her and talk

ROXY: and try to understand this bond i felt like we always had without ever knowin each other

ROXY: i kept getting so close

ROXY: dreamin about her...

ROXY: wakin up too soon...

ROXY: and finally

ROXY: the last time i woke up

ROXY: was just in time to see her die

ROXY: its like

ROXY: the witch was holding out just long enough for the dream to feel like a real possibility

ROXY: before taking it away

ROXY: then u take that ultrasad thing

ROXY: and pile on all the other brutal manure raining down on this epic shit charade

ROXY: and ive got to say john

ROXY: this is starting to feel an awful lot like the end

JOHN: the end?

ROXY: yeah

ROXY: whatever the end of the road feels like

ROXY: has gotta feel like this

ROXY: maybe we should just

ROXY: admit to ourselves this is probably what its like when you find yourself in a timeline where everything went wrong

ROXY: and you know it means youre doomed

ROXY: and the only thing left to do is face the fact you have to ride it out into nothingness

ROXY: stop worryin so much

ROXY: and try to let it go

JOHN: you mean, like.

JOHN: ...

JOHN: what do you mean?

ROXY: i mean

ROXY: accept that we lost

ROXY: admit that the people we wanted to be with

ROXY: the life we always wanted

ROXY: it was never gonna happen

ROXY: except maybe in the afterlife

ROXY: our friends are there

ROXY: callies there

ROXY: my mom is there

ROXY: why shouldnt we be there too

ROXY: why not just

ROXY: let the doomed timeline work its gloomy majyyks

ROXY: and slip away into nothing with the rest of this mess

JOHN: ...

[livingfictional]

hiii i love your rdr2 writing & matchups!! if your still accepting requests i'd like to make one (⌒▽⌒)

i don't use labels for gender & sexuality (aside from being asexual) but am pretty masculine and like all, regardless of gender, and my pronouns are he/him :3

about me, uhh,, im vegetarian, my favorite animal is the octopus, ive actually recently started playing rdr2 (after playing rdr1 quite a bit on my switch), my favorite characters so far is arthur of course but also javier (whenever i can find him?? i hardly see him in game </3), my dream job would be to be a paramedic if not for aforementioned chronic illness, i have a weird paradox of being somewhat strong (yayy muscles slowly growing from like half workouts and walking) while also being weak, and i cant rly do things for a long time lest i get a 200 bpm, but can still pick people up. im also punk!! better yet actually cripple punk :3

for hobbies, i enjoy reading, especially non fiction; classic lit, and danmei my friends have forced me into, video games as aforementioned (hades, gi, and ace attorney being other favs), i make art of many kinds but mainly physical sketches, i loovvvee music despite knowing absolutely nothing about it mechanically, i enjoy writing literally just fanfiction and some cringy poetry here and there, and i do tarot!!!

as for personality: with strangers i can range from actually rather confident to a bit shy but willing to talk (contributed by my goal of complimenting least one person each time i go out, its great!!), quite intuitive, can improv quite well in many scenarios, mainly w humor, friends would call me.. probably laid back with a big heart, also easy to talk to—thats actually something ive been told a few times. but i also have this lovely habit of bottling up my feelings to no end for a negative trait—and though thats been getting better, i can still never cry in front of ppl. i can also get irritable rather often because of adhd and anxiety </3. and ihave a potty mouth which i have to control around others,,

for likes: loud music/concerts but quiet rooms, cats, nu metal, uhh....what do i like... aforementioned video games, cold treats (though its not like i can eat/drink hot things..) plushies, trying new foods and going to restaurants!!! my idea of a fun time is an interesting restaurant/cafe. i also like matcha a lot, just odd foods in general, i also have chickens and they are an absolute blast to have long as they arent acting up (which i suppose would be relevant in the rdr world), and an odd love: yogurt/white chocolate covered pretzels. its delicious you gotta believe me

as for dislikes: rude people. not nice people. bigots. assholes. any variation or synonym of the type, also people who mistreat kids and dont know how tf kids brains work too—personal pet peeve. and people who dont like cats. always a red flag. but other than that not many things,, i consider myself open minded

woaw didnt mean to write an essay;,, augh anyways thank you for even reading my request, much love (*´ω｀*) and no pressure to write anything relating to disability if ur not comfortable/confident/just dont want to!!

Maaaan, having chickens sounds so fun. They're so cute 🥹

I match you up with... Charles!

Charles, just like you, is quite open minded as well.

The kind of person to go for quiet walks with you, never rushes you. He likes to just stroll through the forests near Valentine with you, just talking about anything and everything.

Well, he doesn't talk that much, but he definitely listens.

On the subject of that, he's a great listener. Mutter something quietly about craving a certain food, he's on his way to get it, if possible. You saw a thing you liked in the store window? Let's go in and get it.

Charles just wants the best for you, trying to spoil you as much as he can.

[yuukei-yikes]

ok ok first of all Really Really love your harutakas and your shinayas and your kidomomos and since im pretty sure you've been asked abt your hrtk and shinaya headcanons already i just wanna ask you about any kdmm headcanons you may have 🧐

i love kidomomo so fucking much ilove them

i think theyre stuck in a situationship for a long time. bc useless lesbians in silly harmless drama is always funny. thing is momo WANTS to say something but kido gets so flustered everytime she brings it up they fucking disappear. kido hearing momos confession after theyve faded wawawa and momo thinks kido maybe didnt hear and just sighs but KIDO HEARD bro... they heard u....

momo isnt sure if kido likes her back but she still wants to say it bc momo rly isnt the kind to stress abt waaaa but what if they dont like me back. shes like this is what i feel and im gonna tell everyone 💗 which also means everyone in the dan knows not only bc its fucking obvious but like momo told everyone😭 the only one surprised is shintaro. but for like a second bc hes like YOURE GAY??wait i just fucking heard myself of course youre gay

kido is like super fucking embarrassing abt the way they run from momo like kano and seto who know them rly well think they look like a clown bc of how flustered momo makes them but momo always receives it like wow kido is SOOOOO cool all cold and calculating :3 something something kidos self steem issues, cant believe someone would like them, especially someone so bubbly who could probably get anyone they want

if it goes for long enough momo would notice shes being avoided lol and shes like i just dont know what to do yknow and hibiyas like why are u telling Me this.

kano seto and mary. tease kido to hell and back. they are the most insufferable people ever. kano is annoying on purpose but seto and mary are more like omg u gotta be honest💗 omg let urself be happy 💗 kano and kido probably have a nasty fight abt kano telling kido theyre self sabotaging and kido being like looks whos fucking talking LOLLLL also momomary best friends forever bffs necklaces and matching phone backgrounds etc etc mary keeps accidentally creating tension and situations bc she keeps accidentally slipping up telling kido and momo something one said about the other.

its very much...a cute thing like a friend group where 2 friends like each other and everyone knows and is rooting for them but they keep prolonging it and its at most frustrating and at best entertaining. its cute, its rly one of those very normal teenage things they get to do after everything they go through. they end up together tho and in the future are the no kids double income aunts with the best presents etc etc u know how it goes

i think the only ones out of the loop who thought they were already together are haruka and shintaro. yuukei quartet is kinda out of it bc theyre a bit older and kinda didnt care for the little silly drama and have problems of their own LOL but ayano and takane were filled in bc as a big sister!!! ayano has to know whats going on!! (insane abt the idea of her and shintaros siblings dating. probably gives kido a lot of actually useful advice abt being honest and not run away from feelings) (sort of a takane talk 2.0) and takanes like.... gossip central this bitch knows everything about everyone not that they do anything with that info to help anyone.

once dating theyd have a lot of discussions about pda. momo is pda inc and kido wants to die whenever momo even presses their shoulders together in public. they make it work tho also once together the dan nearly throws a fucking party like FINALLY

[magnoliamyrrh]

@osmanthusleaf djdks im so sorry for replying in post i didnt wanna cut this up into a million bits, uve not even got to read all this cuz its long ive just got a lot going through my mind and im bad at shutting up once my brain starts going sorry 😭

for sure & well said. i fully agree, and understand having more care and knowledge for your own peoples issues, its natural; like u know example apart from ur own ex., i do know and have looked into the sex trafficking situation in the rest of the world and it horrifies me just as much and it is all connected, but end of the day, i understand most and focus most on the issues in my area and thats what i can give my two cents on more than anything. or, yea, i know abt plenty of things going on around the world, but theres also Tons that i have no clue on and overall i end up knowing more and spending more time on mostly things that i have some sort of personal connection to, like even this thing which i spend time on cuz of my own trauma; were all bound to be more immediately concerned if our own house is burning down w us in it than if the house a mile away also is, and were bound to be more interesting in why our own house burned down and who burned it down than the one a mile away, especially if the two arent connected directly. its past a point impossible for the psyche to b up to date w so much info, especially so much info on bad shit, to keep track of all of it and to feel something about all of it all the time.... if anything, i think the constant info on bad stuff everywhere happening which,,, for the most part we can do little on, is part of whats made our generations more doomful, hopeless, and lost - end of the day its good to care, but weve just got to pick some things in particular to rly care abt and if we can, try to understand them and do something about them, and hope if enough ppl do that for enough things they care about while working together, things may get better...... but also, if u say u care abt some issue, i reckon its important to care too abt other ppl caught up in it, even if its not a main focus and not dismiss it bc its not ur own shit directly 🤷‍♀️

i guess yea, the lack of knowledge isnt what bothers me at all bc god knows we all lack knowledge of plenty of things and frankly we kinda have to for our sanity. its the attitude that does and we all do it too often. like some while ago i was telling my mom u know, we (in broad ethnic&national terms) have some sort of responsability to the ppl that have been opressed in our lands and still deal w the consequences and weve got to care abt that history and struggle, not even in a sins of the ancestors way but in a we all have to try to be better way, and her first reply before we talked more was, well, whose going to help us and pay us back for communism, or serfdom, or imperialism, or slavery, or poverty? and havent we got enough of our own issues? and its like yea 😭 the world isnt fair and theres endless cycles of ppl fucking each other over and its a lot, which is why we have to try to just be kind and decent and help each other and rise each other up and come together as hard as it may be and as endlessly annoying this species may be 😭 and weve got to spend more time on how were similar and can understand each other, rather than always predominantly looking at differences, or pointing fingers, or giving in fully to our good old tribalistic mentality. theres gotta b a balance and id like to think and hope, if we tried, we'd indeed find out in many regards we are more similar than we are different, and all more connected than apart ..... if anything, i think thats something that the loss of spirituality in the "modern" world hasnt helped, bc it was one of those things which bound us to universality and connection

and yea, part of it definetely is social media and also current academia and the general cultural mindsets floating around, theres a whole lot of boiling down of super complex shit into short tidbits or black and white things, bc its easier to digest and faster (also, that overboard american centrism that goes beyond being concerned w ur own stuff, while the rest of the world has to know abt the us). i think too, were all bound to have reactionary and defensive attitudes to things especially when dealing w years of shit from ppl, and when we hold a lot of pain and anger, and it leads too to ppl taking things in bad faith which is something ive dealt w too and had to learn to hold myself back on, bc ive definetely got a tendency for it for sure... and its frankly a whole lot easier to point fingers endlessly or to play the opression olympics than look at the god awful messy complexity of it all and how were all caught up w it,, and frankly, i reckon that it feels better to an extent too... it feels/safer/ and simpler i think, than to say, oh god, has truly this whole species been capable of so much hororr? is there nowhere that was or is good, and pure, and untained, and truly a lot better?.. and its i reckon nicer too, to think of things in terms of purely victim and victimizer, than to think abt how plenty of us, most ppl throughout histoy actually if looking at it systemically, have been as u said, a messy contradiction of both....and uhh what's that bible quote, why are u pointing out the spec in your neighbors eye, but not the log in your own? take the log out of your own, and then you may help your neighbor w the spec. and yet, we just dont like doing that much as humans cuz its harder and uncomfortable, its something we have to force ourselves to do and train ourselves for. and unfortunately its not something that is taught very much either

,,,, and yea on top of that too youre definetely right, ethnicity and race and even culture especially in regards to opression and historical and current day dynamics (especially on an international scale) are so incredibly messy, changing, and mostly a whole bunch of stuff weve made up and keep making up and changing all the time and choosing to define ourselves by or to oppose or imposing on other ppl, that it is hard shit to keep track of and detangle. ur example is a good one and in some ways the same sure can be said for the balkans, the question of if were white or not and to who and where and why and when could go on forever, and our history sure has been when taken as a whole, as both opressed and opressor. america too in particular focuses a lot on race (where u could say other parts of the world might focus more on ethnicity, tribe, religion, or class, even nationalism etc, and as far as ill say, i think we need to focus more on class here), and its had a particular kind of rigid understanding of it, and i know from talking to ppl born here in academia and outside and online and whatnot, that a lot of ppl are surprised to find out how ethnicity and race and racism xenophobia and all that shit are different in even south america for a closer exmaple, but in the whole world in general 🤷‍♀️ which aint an issue at all cuz again theres shit we all dont know, but ive also seen plenty of ppl b past surprised or confused, trying to impose us understandings of shit elsewhere... and also, yea, we get focused on things here to the point where its forgotten in a lot of things what it means that were also living in the imperial core at the same time, especially in america

,, , , , i guess w my complaining abt this sort of stuff broadly speaking, it mostly bothers me tbh when i see it come from ppl who do position themselves as like,,,, social thinkers, social activists, or ppl who look into all this and care and speak about it, as self proclaimed educators for others especially, or as some form of academic. not neccessarly like random ppl who occasionally talk on things or vent frustrations or whatnot (cuz also, we all talk abt things casually we havent spend idk how much time on thinking abt or knowing extensively abt)....,,, bc when u say ur that or hold urself up to that, or say u know youre talking or doing whatever to teach ppl or try to help society be better then... welp,,,,, theres a certain responsability (?) and need to try to hold urself up to that ... and i guess yea, its also my personal thing bc after idk a lifetime of always being fascinated w messy complexities and years of cultural anthropology, my brains very focused and fascinated by complexity and contradiction and endless webs of connections 🤷‍♀️ and it does bother me when ppl want to throw around their degrees or education (which dont even matter all that much, plenty of ppl with degrees who dont think too well, and plenty of ppl without them who could run circles around me when im having a good day) or even their own self taught info, and they want to say theyre ppl who generally care abt opression or theyre caring ppl or theyre better than others or whatnot, as a way to say ppl should listen to them and they know better dont uhhh,,,,, , , take the time to really,, think too much abt what theyre saying and educating on and if its actually helpful

[fyodior]

Hey Flora!! I absolutely love matchups so I wanted to give this a try!

Nickname: Ai Mbti: ESTP Pronouns: She/Her

Basic Info: I work in graphic design, my jobs pretty flexible, so I stay home quite frequently during work hours.

Appearance: I’m pretty tall, about 6’1. I have long black hair, really dark brown eyes, and pale skin.

Personality: I’d consider myself a relatively smart person- especially when it comes to people. I try to analyze everyone around me, it helps me talk to them in a way were it’s more possible I’ll get the outcome I want (If that makes any sense-) People call me manipulative and hey, maybe I am, but you gotta do what you gotta do. I’m kind of stubborn, if I don’t wanna do something unnecessary, I’m not gonna bother. I’m sorry this is really bad, I can’t really describe myself flat out so I’ll try to elaborate on it more in other ways 😭

Likes: Drama, ever since I was little I always liked knowing everything about everyone (I was a fucking menace as a kid 😰) Debates, sure, some instances could be considered arguments but they’re still entertaining— if I’m passionate about an opinion, I WILL fight to the death about it. Music, I can’t even focus w/o listening to music, I always carry my headphones with me. Horror, again, ever since I was kid, I’ve always been into horror. I could ramble about Junji Ito’s work (*cough* The Enigma of Amigara Fault *cough*) all day long. Cussing people out, not sure why, it’s just fucking hilarious. Pulling allnighters. Spiders, used to bring in these massive orb weavers into my house as a kid and let them live in my room.

Dislikes: Being dominated, any context, I do not like it. Being told to shut up, I swear to god I can deck you in the face and will if you don’t let me ramble about the random nonsense I enjoy. Overly sensitive people. I cannot stand people who go off crying every 5 minutes. Harry Styles. I fucking hate Harry Styles. I don’t actually have many things I genuinely dislike tbh-

Nsfw: why not

Characters I don’t want to be paired with: Mori

ai x ango

first off -- sorry this took me so long!! im hoping its better late than never ♡

✎ i rly feel like this is the perfect match for u

✎ the general vibes i am picking up are: intelligent (emotionally and academically), straightforward, passionate, analytical. very virgo

✎ this is essentially ango in a nutshell too pfffff

✎ i think its less manipulation and more being confident in knowing what you want and how to get it. also very ango. he would have immense respect for this/for you and you drive and decisiveness as a person

✎ i feel like ango can tend to act a bit high and mighty, but he would see you entirely as an equal. you match him in intellect and commitment to a cause.

✎ you are both very fact-driven, and less so emotionally driven. you'd often see eye to eye on a lot of topics, just because you come at them with the same viewpoint/attitude

✎ re: also strongly dislikes overly emotional people who are incredibly sensitive and reactive

✎ on the flip side this man is messy as fuck and so is a drama queen bfdkfjdfkj he will gossip with you and get nosy he loves it

✎ he can come off as cold/distant and self-serving, but in private he is far from it. he would gladly listen to you essentially present dissertations on whatever topic has caught your attention recently, or

✎ i see him as a very gentle lover. would never ever make you feel like anything other than his equal whom he loves and respects, and wants to treat you as such. he's the type you can just sit in comfortable silence with, not feeling any obligation to "entertain" the other.

✎ gentle lover continued: he's very thoughtful and in tune with your wants and needs, as he is also incredibly analytical and reads people very well. he can tell when you're having a shit day and will quietly bring you your comfort food/drink or just put on some music for you and leave you alone if that's what you want. he wouldn't bother the shit out of you to talk it out with him or whatever pffff he knows you'll communicate when and how you want.

✎ nsfw: i see ango as not necessarily vanilla, but appreciates simpler things. he LOVES seeing you in lingerie, especially something he picked out for you. riding him wearing a lacy black set of bra and panties pushed to the side- mf will last approximately 5 minutes fdkfjkdf but don't worry he will eat you out/finger you to your hearts content and come as many times as he can pull out of you teehee

✎ ango does not mind being the dominated one in the relationship sexually bfdkfjdbd i see this man being so pathetic and whiny in bed and will totally let you fuck him up pls

✎ i guess what im trying to say is that the two of you would coexist very well, and view/approach life very similarly. perfect match imo :)

[flingza-roller]

Sorry if this is bad timing, but I just saw your post about lorikeet and I love them! Could you tell me a bit more about them and your other splatoon OCs?

OHO YES! there is no such thing as bad timing to ask about ocs, im just incredibly happy that somebody is interested!! heheh time to Ramble (this is long sorry)

ok so im gonna stick to the bird kids cuz theyre a lot easier to explain GSJFD (maybe someday ill give my other ocs refs and backstory stuff....)

all four of em are very much based off how i play the game as each character, so i pretty much just grab my in-game behaviour and give it to em as a personality.

so, lorikeet! splat3 is still very new but i think ive somehow already solidified their personality lmao. theyre super reckless, pretty much always falling off stages and getting themself splatted by doing stupid things like running headfirst to a tacticooler or trying to challenge the eliter that wont leave them alone (i think mahi-mahi is the absolute worst for this). they like to go a little bit cazy and get as many kills as possible, which is silly when the only mode u play is turf war... (on that, there is not a single splatoon game that has gotten me to like ranked/league. i played it a few times and then swore off it, so now all four of the kids hate ranked lol)

lori fucking ADORES deep cut so theyve got the three earrings in their right ear bc they wanna be like shiver and frye. on deep cut, they love splatfests and all the music n fun stuff that comes with it. theyre weirdly not too competitive when it comes to defending their team, BUT they will go extra feral during splatfest turf wars and go complete beast mode. they still dont have a main weapon? favours brushes but thats pippins thing so they should probably pick something else GDKGS

oh they have the worst adhd brain. if they see something cool happening in the bg of a stage they will just straight up stop in their tracks and watch for a while, completely oblivious to whatever is happening in the match. and of course the moment they hear the tacticooler they will run for it even if theyre literally in the opposite end of the stage.... stupid. favourite stage is yet to be decided, gotta let the game marinate for a while longer

as the new agent 3 lori is pretty good at following orders, they just kinda... die in the dumbest possible ways. trying to jump through walls, walking straight off ledges, accidentally attracting attention to themself by throwing lil buddy right next to them. but theyre pretty good at fighting! also they like annoying the captain, because of course (this doesnt bode well for kiwi)

id like to build more on their character eventually but that requires me playing more splat3 and ive been rly unmotivated to do so >:/ ive barely played any salmon run and still havent touched table turf. augh. lori u will grow as a person i promise

now PIPPIN! (she/they) theyre my kid from octo expansion! shes very silly but surprisingly strong and skilled. never asked for help from OTH and went through every single test multiple times to get every weapon ticked (hell). also enjoys fighting inner agent 3 because ??? clearly a lot more competent than theyre letting on.

so once pip came to the surface they were very much like "id rather NOT do the whole fighting thing again" and jumped into turf wars with the intention of just having fun and messing with people. her gear set is 100% QSJ cuz she likes annoying the enemy team and then jumping away like a coward when theyre cornered (it jumpscares people bc they dont expect an octo to jump THAT fast).

she uses brush so that they can draw love hearts in enemy base :] they think its very cute and gets sad when ppl ink over it. also if an enemy tries to initiate a party they will always join bc make love not war etc. always goes for the highest inkage (highest score excluding win points was over 2000) favourite stage is inkblot art academy!

zero sense of fashion btw they either wear the QSJ gear or whatever they think will make her look hot (big fan of the octoling armour and marinas crop top). sometimes changes gender to Boy bc why the hell not, gender is arbitrary.

when grouped up with the others, they like teaming up with pigeon to cause chaos and havoc. shes very excited to see lori joining the team cuz theyre equally as insane as the other two! kiwi is the only one carrying a braincell here rip

PIGEON time!! (also she/they) technically my first oc because splatoon 2 was my first game! so she definitely has the most going for them. foil flingza main (my beloved), absolutely a frontliner and goes for the kill as much as possible. very good at sneak attacks! main gear is almost entirely special charge up (sorry. im the og missile spammer) except for ninja squid which they use to scare the shit outta ppl.

pigeon adores the birds u see hanging out on various stages, especially the pigeons (naturally). favourite stage is moray towers! i never said we had good taste. moray is excellent for roller users and allows for fast clean base inking >:]

like the others they love a good squid party but isnt always in the mood, HOWEVER she will never splat an innocent partier bc thats a dick move. if theyre not a threat, theres no need to splat.

outside of turf, pigeon is actually not a very violent person. very sweet to their friends and oh so very lesbian. she sees a pretty girl in the square and goes 😳 (btw this DOES work in battle, be a cute girl and they will be distracted). fucking absolutely obsessed with squid beatz like you have no idea, aims to get gold on every hard mode song. favourite songs to play are frantic aspic, shark bytes, and entropical. she and pippin love playing games like this together, i bet theyd be great dance duo.

in hero mode, pigeon is naturally a completionist and obtained every weapon. fucking loves harassing marie and annoying her as much as possible. adores callie so much <3 their best speedrun time is 40 sec on octo samurai (sadly cant reach the world record of 39)

unlike pippin they actually have a pretty good fashion sense, always coordinating their outfits and ink colour to match. a very stylish squid!

now kiwi is an interesting one. i first played splatoon 1 in beginning of 2018, so sadly i missed out on the splatfests. still got plenty of turf in and played hero mode repeatedly bc i have brainrot!

so kiwi (again. she/they) is really into amiibo challenges, especially the kraken challenge. being a kraken for that long makes em feel powerful, and its lotsa fun. they actually spend far more time on hero missions than anything else, they enjoy turf on the occasion but find it weirdly intimidating (favourite stage is flounder heights!). she feels most at home in the valley, with craig and the squid sisters. theyre far too sympathetic toward octolings (unlike pigeon who just goes fucking ham) and tries her best to just avoid fighting them entirely. because of this, shes pretty good at stealth missions, especially since she rarely makes much noise anyway. theyre definitely the most low-key out of the four agents.

SO!! why do i name them all after birds? because.... i like birds :D yes im a wannabe ornithologist and birds are my main special interest. i also mainly name them after aus/nz birds cuz im just Like That. we have cool birds in australia, and lorikeet was just far too fitting to pass up. (btw pippin is short for peregrine falcon)

despite being so skilled in hero mode missions they do actually get hurt a lot and almost always has some kind of bandaid or gauze on her body from various injuries. is it a lack of skill, or just recklessness? hmmm (its definitely just because she doesnt take enough care of their body lol).

if kiwi were to be captain in splatoon 3, theyd definitely be just constantly scruffing new 3 by the collar to stop them from doing something stupid. is very afraid of a new idiot joining the gang, as if pip n pidge werent bad enough. all 4 as a splatfest team would definitely be the most chaotic thing possible.

also theyre this way because when i draw squirds (tagged on my blog as "wings au") i think its fun to see how different they all look! kiwi would certainly be more fitting as a bird of prey but i think they look so silly with the stubby wings so im not changing my mind. this does mean shes real fast at running! pip and lori are the fastest flyers, pigeon is just kinda in between rip

final note, theyre all at LEAST 18 just so that its not weird. they all use she/they except lori, whos exclusively they/them. they all fucking hate ranked but love hero missions. also all of them have 1 braincell bouncing between them (mainly held by kiwi)

if u managed to read this far, thanks for ur time!! ill eventually draw all these silly bird kids together as squirds, i think itd be fun.

[cobrrastyle]

It's not a request, I just came to tell you that I love your headcanons! <33 It's great to see something about Billy again after so long.

Honestly, if I have to say anything, it's that Dtmg was a series that had the potential for a good plot! The writers had the opportunity to give us a mystery and clues about the world of ghosts and what could have happened to Billy, but they only gave us chapters with absurd plots that only entertain thanks to Billy's charming and narcissistic personality. I know this series has been canceled for years now... but it still leaves me unsatisfied, I need answers but I only end up getting more unresolved questions :/

Anyway, it was just a simple opinion that I wanted to express since I agree with you on many things about this show (The amount of theories and headcanons I have about Billy and his family is starting to worry me...)

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Pd: Sorry for the bad English I still have a lot to learn x((

EEEEEEEEEE i just happy stimmed, thank you so much!! it makes me very happy to hear that someone enjoys reading my stuff! tbh i was very surprised to see that there was rarely any billy content (or any other dtmg content for that matter) being made within the fandom—save for a few accounts out there 😭 i rly hope fans can start talking abt dtmg again!!

and omgggg yes!! dtmg had such a good premise and yet the writers did absolutely nothing with it! and i just—?? how could they let this happen!? there's so much to discuss and explore surrounding the very core of the show and its baffling how much of it they just swept under the rug! ive got so many questions about billy's past, spencer's life before moving in to the mansion with his fam, what it truly means to 'die' in the world of dtmg, the dealio with madame x—and we can only assume! i love dtmg, but it's frustrating to see something with so much potential just burn to the ground, i. am. CRUSHED.

AHHHH LMAO I CACKLED, SAME HERE!! ive got a ton load of thoughts, theories and hcs for the show too 😭😭 i even thought abt altering canon (CRYING. IM WAY TOO IN DEEP). i'll be sure to make future posts abt em! i'll go insane if i don't 💀 and oh!! id really love to hear more about your theories and hcs! pls, if you're comfortable, feel free to message me or continue sending em in forms of asks! i really gotta thank you for sharing your thoughts, this was amazing!!

note: you don't gotta apologize for a language barrier here. you're trying your best and as far as i can tell, your english is far better than most who have it as their first language, you're doing great! ♡

[cheswirls]

oh the woes of having multiple hobbies....

i think it being artfight month is making me sink back into the 'i shouldn't want to do anythin but draw until this is done' mood i usually have during the semester which is.. ick, kinda

the other day i had the urge to write (unmedicated too!! that doesn't happen very often anymore!) and i should've jus acted upon that but i ended up guilttripping myself w the whole 'you should do art instead its only 30 days its only once a year' which is already so suffocating. i ended up doing neither actually in part bc i psyched myself out abt making a choice so in the nd i made no choice (typical when unmedicated so this is the okay-ish norm tbh) and think i tired myself out enough to go to sleep. i woke up to an art file on my laptop so i intented to start smth i guess

also i think checking out an ipad from campus during the semester is so much easier to draw on vs the hassle that is drawing on my display tablet these days. i miss my wacom if only bc it was wireless and thin and easy to power on and get going. with this new tablet i have to plug in 3 diff cords and its bulkier nd i gotta scoot my laptop on my desk to still be in reach bc the tablet has no touch function and it takes A LOT of power and effort out of my laptop thats 12 yrs old now. it makes drawing digitally that much more of a chore tbh and is partially the reason i've doodled so much traditionally in the past year and kept all my digital art for uni work only

which another point. is uh. idk i think i'm rambling now but. last year i got super excited for artfight and drafted a bunch of stuff digitally and was sitting at the coffee table in the main room of my apt for the first time in so long and it was going well until i got rly into tetherverse again n started working on the sequel like mad and that stole away a lot of my drawing motivation. i had two handfuls of of artfight attacks sketched and only ever finished a SINGLE one last year which was terribly disappointing. and then i think realizing that at the end of the month absolutely killed my desire to work on the writing project i'd grown so passionate about too. vicious cycle all around rly.

i dont want it to be llike that this year but once again now that artfight is here even tho its a fun thing i've made it a "requirement" in my mind which kills all my passion to work on it. i think the term is... obligation? when something turns from doing it for fun into an obligation i Have to complete then i lose allllllll motivation and desire to do it. it's THEEE reason i'm always telling my dad i could never write books for a living, bc writing is a hobby first nd foremost and although i enjoy it a lot i know as soon as i become tied down to a project and i Have To complete it or face consequences then it will suck all the fun out of it

this is the same way for school and part of the reason uni's been so hard since.... ever, really, and it's jus taken me long to realise it. i get really into an art project at the start and then as deadlines and check-ins and such creep up i become less and less engaged. i have no trouble completing things in one sitting if given the time to do so if i'm 100% invested and engaged. during spring break 2022 i stayed up for almost three nights and two days and did nothing but research and write almost 25k for a fic opener. if i had work or anything else those days i literally cannot recall. the only thing i remember doing is taking a break to walk 15min to go and pay rent and that's when it rly set in how much caffeine i'd had and how long i'd been up writing.

all of that to say that if i'm into something i can waste away working until it's done. i've said this before bit making a wip folder for art Killed™ my art creating process. i used to have one file open and work on it until it was done, and if that took me more than one full day then i'd sleep on it and finish it the very next day. i don't rmember that happening very often. now i leave things unfinished all the time and its terrible. i also have a Lot Less free time to be fair but also. also. i cannot multitask so as soon as i save a wip and move on to the next it fucking bites the dust. i've gotten into the habit of leaving smth unfinished in another window on csp in hopes that i'll jump bck to it but i stopped that after a while bc i jus collect windows like i collect internet browser tabs.

i also think to go along w the time thing.. i have to mentally acknowledge that i have sufficient time to devote to smth. i'm not the type of person that can do smth for 15 min then jump up and do smth else. if i could write 100 words a day for a fic every day then i'd have far, far less wips than i do now. its harder especially to do this for fic bc a lot of what i do is longer work and sometimes i have to sink into it. if i'm writing for a 50k+ fic i haven't touched for even a month then i need time to go over what i have and what my plans are. it's much harder to work on a longer fic after a bit has passed than it is to pick up a shorter one bc it requires less time to dive back into the world. especially if its been like 6mo-1yr, before i even start writing again i gotta reread everything i've written up to that point. that takes more than a day, and i might get tired and move on to smth else before i've even finished rereading which is so exhausting. it's exhausting to work on so many diff things at once.

with art that means i gotta have time to fight w my display tablet and get everything settled. it takes so much work and effort that if i only have a couple hours, i feel like even that's not enough bc i know i'll have to stop before i'm done. if it takes me 90 minutes to get into drawing and i gotta be ready to leave in another 30 then like whats???? the point rly???? that's how i think tho!!!! it sucks !!!!! if i'm up at 8am but ik i have smth to do at 5p then my whole day revolves around that thing happening in 9 hrs. when it hits 12p i theoretically have enough time to do smth but executive dysfunction makes it hard to pick a singular task to prioritize, and when its 3hrs away from w/e i have to do suddenly nothing is worth it anymore. i'm very much a 'sink into it' creative person which means i cannot jus dive in and work on smth. i gotta have music, i gotta have some focus, i gotta be comfortable, i gotta have my mood set to w/e i'm doing, i gotta know what direction i'm going in,a nd i gotta have energy and enthusiasm to do said creative task. all of that aligning w/ inattentive adhd is so hard and makes life so miserable, but this is compounded even moreeeeeee by not being able to work unless i make my mind feel like i have ample time to do so. mainly bc if i get rly into smth then have to stop for an obligation that i'd rather do less (mainly work! rather would do anything but work but alas) than what i'm doing currently then it drains all my energy very rapidly and i get so disappointed. w/e i'm doing after, whether it be work or class or w/e, is with an air of such disdain bc it interrupted the 'special thing i was doing' that it makes life hell in all honesty. i want to put myself thru that the least amount of times possible which is why i never start anything i know i'll have to put down w/o being able to finish. let me rephrase that. being able to finish as i'd like it. working on a super long fic but writing enough for a chapter or running out of steam on my own and finishing a scene and then being dragged away to smth else is fine, bc i've "finished" on my end even if not in full. it's being interrupted in the middle of the process when i'm not ready to quit, basically. that kind of "finished" is what i mean. if i have 2 hrs and it takes me an hr to find references and i'm not exhausted after that then another 20m to sketch smth decent and only with like half an hr or so left am i into what i'm doing then what's the point?? especially when, as established, i can push a drawing into the wip folder and forget abt it if i'm no longer "into it" when i'm back and have time to draw again.

long rambling i'm tired of but basically it's the season of drawing obligations again and i wanna try this year to have fun and do what i want but ALSo not feel guilty abt doing smth that is not drawing for other ppl, which i already do so much of year round anyway (i love it, this is not a complaint). i wanna be able to write and play pkmn and read and do whatever and not feel like i Have to be artfighting every second of the day.

[i-have-bees-in-my-brain]

Personal rant or some shit bc i just wanna get this out rn. yeeeee this will be long

So today i had a vit of a stressful day with uni n all bc ive been sick and admittedly lazy over the last week up til like tuesday and i had to turn in an Interpretation/essay tonight and prepare a group presentation for tmr (saturday seminars should b illegal but ok i literally chose this). N e way so ive been procrastinating like hell up until this morning so i didnt rly eat before showing up to seminar at 12am and afterwards i had to check with my one remaining presentation groupmember and finish the interpretation and tgen i had swordfighting class at 5. I didnt Really gave time for it but its fun and im very behind bc i misses several lessons already and am generally. Not good at it lol. n e way i turn up to swords and we peactice some routines ig and heres where the peoblem rly starts. Basically i am a huge crybaby, always have been (im older than firestar btw for context), esp when i feel criticized or yknow. Make mistakes or anything and since i was a sports h8er with 2 left feet n hands all my life n cried often during school pe bc i kept messing up n git embarrassed, it was an important step for me to sign up for this uni extracurricular swords class bc. Doing sth sporty in front of others tgat. Isnt very easy and i gotta learn from scratch is a bit out of my comfort zone. But normally its all v fun, im not good/easily the worst in class but thats ok i learn and move my body and talk to ppl! Proud of myself! Well today not so kuch, i noticed i was getting tense bc of not understanding how to do a movement and everyone (3 experienced fighters bc the main teacher was sick plus 2 other beginners that r learning faster than me) lookimg at me and trying to give helpful pointers and me still doing it wrong... H8 dis feeling bc i kinda freeze up instead of being able to take the tips n try again. Its hard for me to translate input like verbal instructions and demonstsations into my own movements as is. In this state i cant do anything properly and i feel the cryings abt to start while wanting nothing more than to MOVE ON NORMALLY. Well my eye started to get itxhy n teary so i excused myself to "take care of my contacts" (lie) (why am i even so ashamed that i feel i have to lie/make up excuses?? Bro???? That just made the situation Actually cringe?????? Im normally not an ashamed person and cryings just a state/expression but idk) so it was better for a bit until it wasnt. Then i full on cried in class while 2 ppl were actively showing me things/helping me do em right n everyone else kimda watched, kimda practiced. They did ask if i was ok and i said yes like a liar. So at the end of class i normally take the bus home with one of the other new guys but i today just didnt feel able to keep talking to him. So he also asked if i was ok/why i cried and i said i just do that under stress and why i am stressed (uni) so that was also a bit of a lie but only kinda. I said i was gonna go to the livrary instead (another lie, was gonna call my bf to calm me down abit n then take the next bus) so i did tgat n it kinda worked and this genius asked if i had eaten. Bruhhh of fuckin course im sensitive ive only had 3 baked goods all day and hadnt even noticed!!!!!! So then it all made sense, mans gotta get some freakin noursishment to keep their composure in swords class! So i went to another bus stop than normally bc i needed sth from the store and bruh the guy i normally take a DIFFERENT bus with is there (awkwardly votta tell hik i changed my mimd abt the library) and we talk a bit (i feel like i talk to him wayy too much in comparison to him, like we dont know each other that well at all, idek his real name and yknow. If he actually enjoys talking to me) and yea

So now everyone in the 14th century peasant larp class knows my terrible terrible secret:))):)

[mikkock]

@daisugaweek2020 , day 1 : STRANGERS / Roommates

This one’s for all the lads I used to see daily on the train, and whom I’d only ever speak a word to when it was late, but still perfectly recognised as if we were the bestest friends. 

Maybe (definitely) these two will be less of a coward than I am and start an actual conversation and become train ride buddies, and then all the time buddies (and then they kiss).

[toytulini]

wrote out the to do list breaking down the task of cleaning my filters and Woof