"mithrun is the only real monsterfucker in dungeon meshi" is objectively the funniest bit you can get out of his everything, but in all seriousness i think his attraction to his love interest is deliberately overstated—and that makes sense, because romantic jealousy is a classic and digestible motive, which is explicitly what kabru was aiming for in condensing mithrun's backstory, and also because until chapter 94, mithrun wasn't willing to admit to the true nature of his desires.
but because romantic envy is both classic and digestible, it probably isn’t a unique enough or complicated enough desire to tempt a demon’s appetite. mithrun’s wish, as far as we can figure from kabru’s reduced retelling, was to have a life in which he had never become one of the canaries, and that carries like 3857 implications and desires within it. that’s delicious. his love interest acts as sort of a red herring to his motivation for making it, though. (side note: i'm saying "love interest" here because, keeping in mind that i barely speak japanese on a good day anymore, "想い人" is something i'd usually take as just kind of an old-fashioned and romantic way to refer to a lover, but in context i wonder if both the connotation of yearning and the vagueness are intentional, and i think this phrasing gets those aspects of it more effectively. anyway.)
mithrun considered his love interest to be untrustworthy. there was a minute where i thought that comment might be about a similar-looking elf (yugin, one of his squad members), but comparing the two…
the "sketchy" arrow is definitely referring to the elf we know as his love interest—the bangs go toward her right, she only has the one forehead ornament, and, most notably, her ears aren't notched.
every time she’s given a full-body depiction in his dungeon, she’s drawn as a chimera, with the body of a snake from the waist down. (side note: the “what if a dungeon has chimeras before reaching level 4?”/“then the dungeon lord is unstable” exchange just being mithrun grilling his past self alive is so funny. he’s so. but anyway) there are a couple things about this.
first, the snake part of the chimera appears to be modeled after some species of coral snake mimic
which, in the biology-for-fun manga, i… doubt is a coincidence, especially with the added context of the “untrustworthy” comment. the dungeon’s conjured illusion of mithrun’s love interest was a harmless copycat of a venomous original. for whatever reason, he felt this person was a threat and made up a "safe" version of her to be in a relationship with, and while it’s definitely possible to be attracted to or even love someone you find to be toxic and/or intimidating, when you take that into consideration alongside the configuration of her body, you get some interesting implications.
which brings us to our second point: if we assume that mithrun was not in fact fucking a snake, then sexual attraction, at least, was so far removed from his idea of a relationship with this person that he did not even bother to keep her dungeon copy human enough to maintain the illusion of the option of a sexual relationship. this is somewhat echoed in the depictions of their interactions, which also imply a frankly unexpected romantic distance. she kisses his cheek and he doesn't seem to react; she's at the edge of a narrow bed with only one set of pillows, on top of his blankets while he's underneath them.
the kiss is particularly interesting because it seems to contrast the text. kabru's narration tells us this was everything mithrun could have asked for, but mithrun is there looking unreadable to pensive, likely because this is right before the panel that makes it clear things in the dungeon are beginning to go wrong.
walking through this backwards for a minute, we have the physical barrier of his bedding and the spatial separation inherent in a bed made for one person, the emotional barrier of his mounting anxiety getting in the way of his ability to enjoy the affection he sought, and... the snake, which historically carries the connotation of temptation, yes, but also mistrust, barring physical intimacy. okay. ok. if a dungeon reflects the mentality of its lord, all of this might suggest that mithrun was not able to have any real desire for a relationship with this person. his unwillingness to be vulnerable or let another person in was insurmountable. but in that case, why was she such a focal point that she remained to the end, after his dungeon had stopped creating iterations of his friends to come and visit him? why would he get so upset over her meeting with his brother that he became lord of a dungeon about it?
well. mithrun's brother was also interested in her, probably genuinely. and mithrun had to win.
you have an older brother who your parents completely ignore, probably in part because he is chronically ill/disabled and almost definitely in part because he received a ton of recessive traits that resulted in rumors that he was an illegitimate child. you are aware, most likely because those same parents fucking told you, that you actually are an illegitimate child. but they keep you around because you had the good fortune of looking just like your mother. what can that possibly teach you but that you, like your brother, are disposable?
it's utterly unsurprising that mithrun, under these circumstances, developed a pathological need to be better than everyone around him. people don't keep you otherwise. i'd argue this is also why he says he looked down on everyone he knew while milsiril claims his dungeon reeked of feelings of inferiority—he sought out people's worst traits and prioritized them in his mind to protect his already extremely fragile sense of self-worth, and all the while he tried to be as likable and high-performing as he possibly could be. his parents disposed of him anyway, but even then he tried to keep up the performance. he was kind to everyone. he never once lost to a dungeon.
when he saw his "love interest" meeting up with his brother, what he saw was himself being replaced by a person his parents had always treated as worthless, and if that was what they thought of the child they'd kept, what value could anyone possibly see in the bastard they'd given away to die? mithrun and kabru tell the story like he wanted to win this unnamed elf's heart, but it was never about being with her. it was about cementing his worth, proving that he didn't deserve to be thrown away.
and so it's particularly cruel that his demon discarded him, too. but maybe it's also particularly gentle that, in the end, there was someone who refused to even consider giving up on him.
kui laid it out in three panels better than i could hope to.
yeah. it's love. you wanted to be loved, even when the only way you were able to understand it was through the desire to be wanted, and you wanted that so badly that the idea of being consumed felt like the promise of finally mattering to someone.
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An Off-Brand Post About the Kim Petras Concert
this post isn't about acting or youtube stuff I just want to say I had a really fun time at the Kim Petras concert last night :)
I saw her four years ago and wow, she's really gotten better - like she was a good singer before but now she's really got the pipes! Great outfits, great backup dancers, also shout out the guy who mopped the stage before she came on: I see you working hard to make it safe and enjoyable for everyone, thanks buddy!
Thank you so much to all the people who recognised me and came up and say hello: I'm really touched by how much you enjoy my work? I often feel that what I make is silly or not good enough but it makes me so happy when people get something out of it. I'm also so happy you're excited for Dracula's Ex-Girlfriend!
Shout out to the cute girl who hit on me as we were leaving and gave me her number. You might have googled me by now, perhaps you found this post - hello! I'll text you when I get back from LA; I think you might be a bit young for me 'cause you mentioned you're a final year student, but hey maybe we can just go for a friendly coffee and chat about the concert :) I need to get a burner phone first (I've had problems in the past with stalkers pretending not to know who I am) so I may not give you my actual number until we've gotten to know each other properly - sorry, my life is strange sometimes, being a public figure makes it hard to meet people but I'm flattered you approached me
Also, the opening act - Georgia - WOW, she was so good! What a talent! I'm gonna check out her music, she was so heartfelt and it was amazing how she played the drums and keyboard and sang all at once! I gave her a big thumbs up and she smiled at me!
I was the only person in the venue wearing a mask? Made me feel slightly odd but I have to film a movie next week and I didn't want to get sick, so. (I took it off to snap a quick selfie, which was perhaps a little cheeky but I wanted to remember how much I was smiling)
Wild that the last time I saw Kim I was still in the closet! How times change!
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hey. I know everyone is feeling a lot of things right now and most of them aren’t great, but it’s okay to still acknowledge that at its core, the QSMP was a good idea. it may have been managed poorly and my heart goes out to all the admins that worked so hard for nothing in return, but they worked so long and so hard for a reason: they truly loved and believed in the concept. even if you no longer feel comfortable engaging with the project or content about it going forwards, we owe it to all these people who worked so hard to acknowledge that the stories and characters and builds and puzzles they created were AMAZING. I wish they were able to create these things under better conditions, but I’m not going to go back and say everything about the QSMP sucked.
the whole goal of the QSMP was to bring communities together, and translation software was well developed to do so. we now have an extension that right now is allowing Portuguese speaking and Spanish speaking chatters to watch and enjoy their favorite CCs compete in Liar Liar on the Tubbathon, even though they are speaking English. it’s led to so many English speakers being inspired to learn a new language and to watch non-English speaking streamers, and so many friendships across language barriers have formed. we can and should discuss the problems with the server, but we can also reflect on all the good that has come from it.
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