#even when im writing about suffering the suffering is part of the survival

[sweatermuppet]

ill keep writing about surviving because i don't know what else there is

[chrisevansonly]

𝐖𝐢𝐥𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐅𝐥𝐨𝐰𝐞𝐫

𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: charles leclerc x female reader

𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: life is too heavy to carry, thankfully your boyfriend will carry it with you

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: talks of mental health and suicidal thoughts, mentions of depression, heavy topics so please read at your own discretion

𝐚/𝐧: i’ll be honest this is self indulgent and i know i said i wasn’t writing but idk i feel so low and thought writing about how im feeling might help? ive struggled with mental illness my whole life so i find writing it out in a way i can enjoy helps…i hope it helps others that are in need of it too<3

Life is painful, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise, it’s dark and gloomy, heavy and hard to carry, life is painful. Okay well maybe not for everyone but for you it was, and it was draining, exhausting really trying to survive each day instead of living like everyone else. Truth be told you’d struggled with mental illness for as long as you can remember. In high school the suicidal thoughts came into play and you had fallen into a place no one deserved to fall.

You’d hear people tell you to smile, cheer up, get outside and take in the fresh air, but they don’t understand. They don’t get the internal pain one feels when they deal with depression and anxiety, unless you live it: you don’t get it.

So yes, life was painful but there was an ounce of sunshine in your life and it came in the form of Charles, your boyfriend of exactly three years. The man who broke through the storm to bring you blue skies and calm waters, the man who held you tightly as you cried for a break, aching for a moment of peace within yourself. Charles was a gift, you were sure of it: he was too.

“my love…?”

His voice was soft, delicate as it filtered through the dark bedroom, eyes filled with concern as he looked at you huddled under the blankets, almost willing them to swallow you whole

“hmm?”

It might not have been a word but Charles would take it

“can I get you anything? do you need something?”

The room fell silent again except for the sound of covers shifting, your head peaking over the duvet

“y-you please”

Hearing your voice break was enough for Charles to promptly move from his place in the doorway, lifting up the covers on his side of the bed before settling down and pulling you into his side, letting you virtually melt against him

“okay, okay i’m here, it’s okay amour..”

“it-it hurts”

“i know baby, i know it does…but it will only hurt for a little, i promise you.”

You wanted to believe him, you really did, but how many years would you have to suffer before it truly felt like you would never know how to feel okay.

“it’s hard to be here”

Now this caught Charles attention right away, having known your past with depression and even suicidal thoughts, he felt his blood run cold at the thought of you being anywhere than right here with him

“listen to me baby, i know it hurts, i know it’s hard, but i promise you i will help you find your sunshine, i will help you find your happiness”

He paused shifting to rest a hand on your cheek, his thumb swiping at a stray tear on your cheek

“i love you with everything in me, and i will do whatever i can to help you through this, if you need me to carry more of the weight, let me, if you need a shoulder to lean on more than usual, do it. you are my entire world baby, i won’t ever leave you out in the dark to take this on all on your own..”

Letting out a soft sniffle you looked up at him, always appreciating just how much love he held for you in his eyes alone

“why, i-i’m so sad a-all the time”

“because i love you. it doesn’t matter if your angry, happy, sad it’s part of you, i love all of you no matter what, and i am not going anywhere”

Charles leaned forward, pressing his lips to your forehead letting you have a minute to just digest everything he was saying

“pinky promise?” you asked softly, holding your pinky finger out which brought a soft smile to his face

“pinky promise baby, always.”

Nothing else needed to be said as you curled yourself further into his side, his arms only tightening on you, as if to keep you from slipping away from him. Charles knew words only helped so much, but he was willing to do whatever it took to bring you blue skies back. Even if it took days or weeks, even months, Charles was going to be right beside you, every step of the way.

Life might be painful, but you never had to go through it alone again.

[learnyouabiology]

Fun Fact: Many Frogs get through Winter... Underwater

Many people have heard of the legendary frogs that are able to freeze solid and survive the winter. (if not, I did write a whole post about it. so.)

This post is not about those frogs. Though amazing, they are the exception rather than the rule. It is much more common for frogs to overwinter in other ways!

The most common strategy to survive winter is to simply live somewhere that does not have winter!

(you’ll notice there are more species of frog closer to the equator. this is not a coincidence. image source)

But some frogs don’t HAVE that luxury! SOME frogs have to deal with a winter that lasts close to 6 entire months! 

(im suffering)

The majority of frogs that face this threat survive by either digging underground, or by finding a permanent body of water and just... chilling 🥶😎.

(I will not apologise for my excellent jokes. image source)

Ice is less dense than water, which is why ice burgs exist, among other things. Water is at its densest around 4°Celcius. The 4°C sinks, which means that, in the wintertime, the unfrozen bottom of the pond will (generally) not get colder than 4°C.

Additionally, frogs are ectotherms, aka “cold-blooded”, and as their body temperature drops, so too does their metabolism. This makes it so the frogs can go a long time without food, and also allows them to get by without much oxygen. 

(i love them. image source)

Frogs still need some oxygen, though, so it’s a good thing that frogs are able to absorb oxygen through their skin, just like most amphibians (all amphibians? i can’t think of an exception, but there are so many frog species that I don’t want to commit to a big word like “all”).

Generally, they’ll stay at the bottom of the pond, in a spot that has enough water flow to provide sufficient oxygen for the frogs’ diminished metabolic needs! They generally don’t bury themselves in the mud, though. That part of the pond is nearly devoid of oxygen, and also where the turtles are hibernating!

Here are some pictures of frogs overwinter underwater:

(image sources, in order: mink frog, Green Frog, Bull Frog,  fire-bellied toad, marsh frog, siberian wood frog, northern Leopard Frog.)

was this an excuse to show y’all a bunch of pictures of frogs that I like? Yes. 

(also please note: second last frog is a siberian wood frog, NOT an american wood frog, and they DO overwinter underwater (Berman et al. 2019). They’re special because they can survive months with very little oxygen, or maybe even no oxygen at all! Good for them 😊)

This has been Fun Fact Friday, letting you know that when the frog gets cold, the frog goes to bed for 6 months. Honestly same.

Sources under the cut!

Berman, D. I., Bulakhova, N. A., & Meshcheryakova, E. N. (2019). The Siberian wood frog survives for months underwater without oxygen. Scientific reports, 9(1), 1-7. [PDF]

Jenkins, C. N., Pimm, S. L., & Joppa, L. N. (2013). Global patterns of terrestrial vertebrate diversity and conservation. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, 110(28), E2602-E2610. [PDF]

How do frogs survive winter? Why don't they freeze to death? Scientific American: https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/how-do-frogs-survive-wint/

[yuri-is-online]

Sorry if this ask makes absolutely no sense I just need you to know the absolute emotion I feel because of this Ayuu.

I need you to know just . how close to tears I am . I just reread your Azul meeting his Yutu and I am. IM CRYING. THE “Your daddy’s here” IS TAKING ME OUT AND SHOOTING ME DEAD . IM GENUINELY TEARING UP. I think I’ve read every part so far twice over, barring the Yuu specific ones cause they Hurt Me. Speaking of hurt, Deuce!Yutu and Riddle!Yutu hurt me so so bad . All of the Yutus do, but they’re the ones that just came to mind rn and it’s so so sad. Especially Riddle! Yutu because he hates his dad :( Idek why I might’ve blocked out why LMAO,,, I love all the Heartslabyul characters and their kids it makes me cry. Especially Trey. He’s such a weirdly domestic freak that the idea of him being denied the family life he’s always been content with is so so sad. ALL OF THEM . THEY MAKE ME SO SAD BECAUSE THEY WANT TO BE WITH YUU!! They want to be with Yuu, and most of them are obviously happy to have a kid, but to know that that’s been taken away from you by circumstances that are literally destroying the world you live and love in? Yeah. That’s Rough!!

I would love to see Jamil!Yutu and how Jamil reacts to his child feeling guilt for something he never did, was never responsible for, and again has to suffer through because of the family theirs has been forced to serve. I think he’d be so mad, so so mad this boy has grown up thinking he’s the biggest blight of his father’s life, the cause of his death, when in reality he’s probably someone Original Timeline! Jamil would have cherished.

I LOVE YOU RUGGIE BUCCHI!!! Sorry I needed to cry that out this made me love him so much more!!! And Rook!! I love you Rook Hunt you weirdo. Ruggie being like “Idrk what to do… but I can bug Leona about it” is so so real. Him not caring if his son is charismatic as long as he knows his cards and is able to survive. Rook as a phantom is genuinely breaking my heart idk why. All of the phantoms break my heart. I don’t want to imagine anything abt them if I do because if I imagine them having even a fraction of sentience I’m heartbroken. Imagine being unable to prevent something from possessing you. Imagine your body and soul being used to tear your home apart— imagine seeing any of that through your own eyes. Imagine seeing your own kid after years of thinking them missing. I would genuinely not be able to handle that. It’s giving the Last of Us zombies where they’re completely aware and conscious throughout the first phase. Scared . Heartbroken .

Anyways, this au is 100000/10 I need you to know this. YOUR MIND IS SO SO BRILLIANT!!! I’m probably gonna keep rereading everything you’ve written so far about it because I’m having so many brain worms . So so many. Sorry for this ramble!! Please ignore this ask if for any reason I might have said something you didn’t like >:]]]] I HOPE YOU HAVE A WONDERFUL YEAR!!!!

;-; ty so much for your kind words anon I am injecting them into my veins to continue writing. You have said nothing wrong, rambles are nice to receive, though my ask box is a bit cluttered at the moment and I am super busy so getting to things in a timely manner is not something I am able to do.

Riddle! Yutu was the first one to get a post, and I am tempted to re do it as I was still figuring out the format. He hates his dad because he wasn't there for him when he was a child and he doesn't know why. In the good timeline he's something of a daddy's boy; he really wants Riddle to be proud of and praise him

After I finish editing the second part of Rook's post you will be pleased to know the next post is about Jamil. I'm still formulating the outline of it because I've been thinking some thoughts about stars and unique magics

The way I write the phantoms they posses the instincts of their former selves but the individual lacks the input you might associate with consciousness. I'll get more into it in the second half of Rook's post... but there is a degree of awareness of their actions.

There's a lot of tragedy in this ayuu, I'm glad I'm hitting my stride with it c: it's nice to know people are liking it

[vgilantee]

HELLO. I am here to drop an unsolicited ask abt omegaverse bc it's been racking my brain.

okay so you said ppl can go from b -> a or o->b.

Im a fucked individual and need to know how would they react if reader/you/omega had something happen and become a beta after having been in the pack already (like years)

first and foremost all asks about my omegaverse (or any of my au’s) is always always solicited. i love talking about them. i’m a yapper (and post-writing char here to say oh boy did i yap)

so for someone to change designation, they need to go through what their body perceives as an extreme amount of trauma. the change is a survival instinct for a life-or-death situation. which is obviously different person to person but simon had to dig himself out of his own grave after being physically and sexually tortured in order for him to become an alpha.

it’s also very rare to happen, but even more so in those that are mated. the pack bond strengthens the individual so it takes that much more to alter them

but it’s not impossible

~✧

you had been gone just shy of 2 months. 58 days since you were taken, since they failed to keep you safe. 58 days of task force 141 tearing through the worst parts of the world with teeth and claws, trying to find you. 58 nights where they could barely sleep because their bones ached knowing you weren’t with them, weren’t safe. 58 days since they failed you, and one more day because they didn’t even find you. it was alex keller who brought you home.

the nurses and doctors knew better than to try and keep a pack away from their injured omega, especially a pack as formidable and deadly as the 141. so they were allowed in observation when you were in surgery and allowed to sleep in shitty cots and shittier recliners in your hospital room.

medically induced coma. give you a chance to heal and for your body to come to terms with being safe. you mind would come after they knew you weren’t at risk of hurting yourself.

when you wake, they want to smother you with affection. want to hold you and kiss you and make up for the cruelty you suffered for far too long. but they know what torture does to a person, so they hold each other and tear the edges of the bedsheets while you blink away the crust in your eyes and finally scent your pack.

johnny’s knees go out from under him when you sob.

they’re tentative, slow in reaching out to hold you, but you claw and grab and pull them in, wanting to be crushed under the weight of your pack and drowned in the scents that you’ve craved the past 2 months. they cry softly watching you sob and blubber, kissing your hands and cheeks and face. hands squeezing skin not cut or burned or thinly protecting fractured bones.

it isn’t until john presses his nose to your scent gland that he notices it. the scent of omega is gone. he pulls back suddenly and you are terrified that this is another one of those dreams you had where they weren’t really there.

he cups your face in one hand, pushing you to tilt and expose your scent gland gentle while cradling your cheek.

silently, he gestures toward your neck, and kyle is the first to move forward.

“no.” he barely whispers it, and if his cheek wasn’t brushing against your jaw you wouldn’t have heard it.

“what? what’s wrong? john, please. what’s happening?” he presses a kiss to your nose, sadness crashing over his face.

“just… just hold on, love” and you trust him, so you nod and you wait.

wait for johnny to press his nose deep against your neck, the same as he always does, before he jolts back, distraught look fighting to cross his face.

wait for simon to gently press a kiss to your scent gland, already knowing. he could smell it the moment you woke from the coma and your scent began to project. the sharp taste of citrus in the air, and the lack of anything overwhelmingly sweet.

it’s simon who sits beside you and takes your hand, pressing the back of your hand to his lips before he looks at you with so much pity it almost suffocates you.

“i’m so sorry, sweetheart,” he takes a slow, almost shuddered breath, “you aren’t an omega anymore”

“wh- how? that’s not- no! that can’t be right! i’m- im an omega. your omega! th- no!” your voice pitches in panic as you hyperventilate. “i’m claimed! mated! i shouldn’t- no. no, simon you… you’re wrong i can’t-”

you let him pull you into his chest while you sob, grasping at his shirt while you scream and cry.

john hates himself. blames himself entirely. you are a member of the team, of the pack, and you were claimed by him - the pack alpha - first. in every way your safety fell to him. and he failed you.

johnny and kyle both do their best to help you adjust to your new designation. the differences in scenting, the fact that you can no longer do accurately read emotions. you’re overwhelmed and they often find you curled up in the nest that no longer provides you with the same hormonale regulation as it did when you were an omega.

johnny is always trying to be there. not force himself in but he hovers and is so bad for it. he’s always around just in case and even when you scream and throw things at him to just leave you alone, he doesn’t. he needs to be near you, for you but mostly for him. so he knows that you really are back even if you’re different.

kyle is much better at giving you space when you need it. he keeps an eye on his phone in case you text and keeps an ear out when nearby. on a few occasions he’s had to grab whatever you were about to throw at johnny and drag the scot out of the room. both their instincts are to be there and to help, but kyle knows johnny is being too much.

simon, like john, blames himself. but because he knows what you’re going through - the sudden change in the hormones and instincts, the emotional circus show that leaves you exhausted at the end of the day - he tries to make the self hatred less obvious. because of this you gravitate toward him more. he’s not overbearing and he doesn’t look at you like john has been - like everything that happened is his own fault and like looking at you hurts - so you find yourself sitting in silence with him when your brain and body are screaming at you.

~✧

[merciawintersageposting]

More head canon: how Rook relates to death- and secrets🗡️☠️

The Magpie, Part 3

What is death to a Crow but a looking glass?

A shiny object glinting with life's secrets at its surface, limned with sharp edges and fractured memories. The pursuit of secrets comes at a high price- and life in Thedas is always below asking. Rook had learned this many times the hard way.

For them, there is something worse than dying. To watch the innocent suffer and die, sacrifices on the altar of some noble's great aspirations- or worse, their wounded pride. Lowborn lives fall as the leaves do, so many unnamed and easily crushed underfoot. Such is the life of the few children who survive long enough in the Guild to become Magpies- procurers of secrets and intelligence. For Dalish children sold to the Guild by starving or greedy or desperate caretakers this is learned over and over.

Once, there was a time Rook foolishly thought themselves inured to it. But the mirror of death makes all hidden truths plain.

The job was simple: retrieve a packet of letters from a minor noble's home in Redcliffe. Pose as a new servant, locate the letters on his estate, retrieve them and leave no mess behind. But the thing about blending in is that it sometimes requires you to be seen and known- a thing which they had never experienced without a feeling of terror, anticipating a blow.

Rook first appeared on their doorstep with a short-term contract, all the correct recommendations and due respect to the lord of the manor, a taciturn warhorse whose glory days had long since faded. He seemed good enough as any man, if a bit inattentive.

Though a skeleton crew, the chambermaids and footmen took a kindly concern for each other, and so Rook befriended them with shy smiles and offers to help with the laundry. The head steward Dereth was a challenge. With long and lanky hair, the old Dalish man bore Dirthamen's vallaslin, and the knowing looks of someone who sees too perceptively, who has lived longer than his seventy years. This contradictory mixture of savvy and softness perturbed Rook. Having few memories of their father that weren't laced with fear, they found it difficult to get their bearings. Then they learned Dereth had taken to teaching some of the young pages to read, hoping some could make a better life for themselves as he had.

Rook assured him they could read, which he laughed at- the gritty sound reminding them of sand on a cabin floor. As they both assisted the cook in making preparations for the week’s meals, Dereth taught them old poems, using the chopping sound of knives on vegetables to keep the rhythm.

"I had aspirations to it once y'know. But, you- you've a voice for it. Someday I think," Dereth pronounced, "you'll be a great poet."

It was nice. This was, Rook thought, what it must be like to be normal and have people who saw you as more than property or a pawn.

But a contract requires its due. And so one day, Rook disappeared.

Discretion is a Crow's greatest asset. But Rook was possessed of a strange curiosity, and allowed themselves one glance at the packet before handing it in. Flowing handwriting by a lettered and artful hand had spelled out part of a name Pr. Volka- and the rest dotted by a watermark.

The packet successfully delivered, they returned to their usual hiding place- a little hayloft rarely visited by anyone other than workaday farm hands. Horses are good company and even better night watchmen.

Crows and their flock are instructed never to seek out again that which was visited before. But Rook's thoughts of the people they left behind on the Radcliffe job frayed at the edges of their mind.

News travels fast. And so Rook learned from one of the newest "recruits" that a Ferelden noble had recently died in his sleep. His heir had returned to right his affairs, and immediately accused his father's aged steward of fomenting rebellion after finding him showing some of the younger servants how to write. When it was further discovered that important documents were unaccounted for, the steward met his end on the edge of a longsword and was left to molder in the sun- an example of what it means when you forget your place in the order of things.

Waiting for the right opportunity, the footmen wrapped his body in brown cloth, and under the cover of night carried him to a spot a league out from the house. He was buried in a modest pine grove, the spot marked by what few offerings the household servants could spare, flowers and painted rocks.

As time passed, the ground settled, and little trace of Dereth's grave remained. Save only for a piece of vellum tied to a stake in the ground.

Look closely and you will find the words almost etched into the vellum in a strong, clear hand:

If I should die and leave you here a while, Be not like others sore undone, Who keep long vigil by the silent dust. For my sake turn again to life and smile, Nerving thy heart and trembling hand to do Something to comfort other hearts than thine. Complete these dear unfinished tasks of mine And I perchance may therein comfort you.*

for fred.

*Turn Again to Life by Mary Lee Hall.

[majorasnightmare]

Inevitable Gerudo Headcanon Posting

i spend too much time thinking about the gerudo like genuinely theyre one of my favorite recurring tribes in the zelda series, which as we all know is a form of suffering because god forbid nintendo stop relying on racist tropes and caricatures.

keeping in line with this nintendos portrayal of the gerudo tends to either be 1) why theyre bad, and/or 2) how a culture of all women has kids. like thats an oversimplification of ALLL the problems present in the gerudos portrayal but thats a different post for another time. in general i bring this up because it means, for me as well as any others interested and invested un the gerudo, that there is a kind of generalized lack of pre botw characterization or cultural concepts to work with, esp when compared to the other tribes of hyrule. (looks pointedly at how theres no gerudo in the gerudo desert but there is a prison slash execution site where their king was held. LOOKS AT WHO SURVIVED THE PROLOGUE CUTSCENE IN WINDWAKER)

ANYWAYS. botw was really fun because, while it had plenty of its own issues with the gerudo, they were at least non hostile! so with that in mind, the headcanons and worldbuilding i write primarily apply to the wilds era gerudo, which spans the timeframe between ganondorfs reign as king to totk (suspending disbelief because that timeframe is. by all accounts. longer than recorded human history. friendly reminder ganondorf does All That before we even get sheikah wifi towers. christ.)

anyways. second verse same as the first, core assumptions and then a readmore

Some core assumptions:

The BotW branch of the timeline is chronologically set AFTER the previous timeline, ie the events of ToTKs ancient past is set AFTER the last event of the Hyrule Historia timeline. essentially they all come back together to form one line that makes up ToTKs ancient era

The biggest effect on Hyrules topography was the flooding in Wind Waker. after an unknown point, the flooding ocean receded leaving behind the ruins of ancient Hyrule. at some point after that, the zonai settled parts of it and made the buildings wed see as ruins by the time of BotW. slowly the various tribes of hyrule immigrated back

all peoples within the setting of hyrule are loosely grouped into categories called tribes. in this sense, tribe refers a collection of peoples with shared traits, without anything concretely set in stone (for example, hyrule includes the tribe of hylians, the tribe of gorons, the tribe of koroks, etc etc). the main six who show up repeatedly can be considered the sage tribes (gerudo, hylian, sheikah, rito, goron, zora), and the various types of enemies can be considered the monster tribes (the blin tribe of bokoblin, moblin, bulblin, etc)

so. starting at the beginning. near entirely headcanons

in ocarina of time, we see the spirit temple, where Nabooru awakens as a sage. this temple features a MASSIVE statue of a woman adorned with a snake and its primary mechanic centers around mirrors and reflected light. while the mirrors return, we dont really get that same kind of implied spiritual/religious focus again. so instead im going to make a mountain out of a molehill and position her as the primary spiritual figure here. im running low on name ideas tho so suggestions are much appreciated. for right now ill refer to her as the serpent goddess

the gerudo are culturally a people of function over form, practicality over whimsy, but when circumstances allow for it, are drawn like any other to arts and music and decoration. they have a long history of bloody, brutal battle, and while the war has long since ended, its kings buried and its warriors naught but ghosts, the desert remembers. its sands haunted by the bloodstains of conflict past, and echoes of ancient tragedies. the gerudo here in the era of wilds may have lost their records of their ancient history of conflict, but some aspects, preserved by the sands, have managed to survive the onslaught of time

surviving all this time is the ancient creation myth of the gerudo people. as legend tells it, long ago in the time before myth, there existed a goddess whos power was transformation. she was possessed of two forms, one a proud humanoid figure, the other a striking serpentine form twisting through the heavens with ease, her scales glittering with mirror sheen. to shift from serpent to human, she would shed her skin, and grow it back again to embrace her serpentine form anew

seven times she shed her skin, and from these shed skins rose the first gerudo, each embodying a key aspect of their sacred mother. the serpent goddess's scales are each a nascent soul of a gerudo, and when those scales are shed and fall to the land below, a new gerudo is born. likewise, when a gerudo dies, their soul returns to the scales of the serpent goddess, to await until they would descend again and reincarnate once more. the seven daughters of the serpent goddess led these gerudo as their guardians, leaders, and protectors. but, away from the seven heroines and their new people, the goddess shed her skin an eighth time. this daughter was born alone, and while her sisters embodies the strengths of spirit, flight, endurance, knowledge, motion, skill, and gentleness, the eighth was born with insatiable wanderlust. learning of this, the seven sisters cursed her name for leaving them and their people behind, and despite their shared ancestry, the eighth was forbidden to be spoken of. this suited her just fine, and the eighth was free to walk the land and learn all of its hidden paths

in time, war came to the gerudo, as it often does. though they were united, and strong, they were a small collection of people, and thus despite their proficiency were threatened nonetheless. it became clear at last that they could not stand and fight, and that to survive, they could not remain in place for long. but the enemy had pushed them deep into their home, and knew all the paths back. as hope seemed lost, as if summoned by call, the eighth sister at last wandered home. calling her seven sisters to her, she proclaimed that every hidden step was known to her, and while she lacked the power to guide them on her own, together they would escape unseen into the night, their enemy none the wiser. thus, skillfully guiding the skills of her sisters, the eighth heroine led the gerudo into safety, and the seven were humbled from their pettiness. seeking to apologize to the sister they had banished and forgotten, the seven sought to make amends, but the eighth was content merely to have a place of remembrance among them. to wander is not a sin, as long as one remembers where their home lies.

the eight heroines have long since passed and returned to their mothers scales, but the virtues they embody are cherished by the gerudo family they left behind, seeking to hold their memory close even as the years wear on

to the gerudo was bestowed the blessing of the element of Spirit, embodied by their iron wills and manifesting as crackling lightning. this spirit lightning is the gerudo's will made tangible, arcing out towards their target as an extension of their focus and sheer determination. to a gerudo, nothing is impossible until one has devoted themselves entirely to it, giving it their all, and only then may it be conceded

a long history of persecution has resulted in the gerudo being increasingly insular and isolationist. their admiration of the art of combat and how it can bring forth an individuals talents, achieving a perfect harmony between body and will as the weapon became an extension of ones limbs, was often perceived as aggression by outsiders, who would react as if to defend their own interests. the gerudo have suffered much at the hands of hyrule at large, and have pulled further and further away.

as the gerudo pulled away from hyrule, and hyrule from them, they devoted most of their attention to themselves. cooperation amongst themselves is seen as paramount to their survival, and familial affection often extends well past ones blood relations.

the gerudo value family, and loyalty, alongside independence and cooperation. everyone should have the opportunity to pursue their goals, but if someone is struggling, it is the responsibility of everyone to help. children are raised by as many people as are available, and even in the times of monarchy, the palace was less a formal dwelling place belonging to the gerudo ruler and more a public forum that the ruler simply happened to live in

most of the palaces amenities are fully public, a tradition that has carried on to riju's time. meals are communal and the kitchens open to all, and the palace has no strictly dedicated servants, merely a collection of amenities the gerudo people are free to use at will and often do so together. what this means is that there is no servant, for example, dedicated to preparing riju's meals but instead a collection of people willing to cook and willing to eat making meals riju partakes in, and this applies to most other menial tasks as well. the throne room is where the leader of the gerudo engages in their job as public servant, attending to the needs of the gerudo at large and responding to crises as they arise.

as nintendo is keen to point out, the gerudo are a people that are predominantly "all women", and thus spends plenty of time going over dialogue wherein people wonder how they have children and including a plethora of sidequests in the wilds era about acquiring partners. im ignoring all of that and instead going by lizard rules, in part because here theyre descended from a serpent dragon goddess, wherein a population of all female lizards were able to successfully maintain a stable population and have children without major issue. gerudo like ganondorf are the equivalent of a rare genetic mutation that flips some other genes on and has a different result, that really doesnt affect anything besides this one kid and doesnt have any major effects or differences in their life. two gerudo are perfectly capable of having kids together, having relationships as usual, and on the topic of "how do the gerudo have kids", thats all i really feel like exploring that topic

with an insular, isolationist culture that appeared for all intents and purposes to be all women, the gerudo were often a source of major culture shock when interacting with the other tribes of hyrule, most notably hylians

bonus hylian lore: hylians experience an even greater lack of sexual dimorphism than irl humans do, so gender presentation is near exclusively presentation based, with a heavy emphasis on clothing. showing skin is considered an act of emotional intimacy, and most hylians opt to cover as much as they can. the intensity of presentation scales upwards with their role in society, with the royal family having the most extreme form of gender presentation. gender is presented through clothing style and hair length, with ornamentation, jewelry, and piercings serving as a kind of intensifier, and hylian culture at large tends to operate on a sliding scale of masculine to feminine, with the middle androgynous zone being a weird gender spot for them

the gerudo, by contrast, never really developed a concept of masculinity versus femininity. gender pronouns in gerudo are based on personal proximity, occupation in society, and familiarity. these barely translate at all into hyrulean.

as the gerudo, by circumstance or by choice, interacted with hylians and the tribes of hyrule more and more often, some kind of understanding had to be reached with regards to translation. as relations were already terse, making an attempt to fully translate the gerudos understanding of gender to your average hylian was considered a fools errand, and thus translation was done in broad strokes, giving hylians the simplest root form of gender pronouns (and none of the increasingly specific declensions). loosely, the term vai is closer in concept to "us" and voe is closer to "not us" "foreigner" "outsider", and has taken on a connotation of " forbidden" or "taboo" (leading to wilds era gerudo secret clubs often imploying translatable Adult Puns regarding their catering to voe and the overall titillating atmosphere they tend to put on for customers). with regards to hylians, the feminine princesses and queens had more in common with the gerudo and were thus "vai", but the masculine kings and soldiers, who were often the main figures pushing aggressive efforts into conquering or otherwise absorbing the gerudo into hyrule, were "voe". this was then distributed in various guides to understanding the gerudo language as " vai" meaning "woman" and "voe" meaning man

gerudo town, as the capital of their people and general hub, has a law banning the entrance of voe. at the time if its writing, this was a fairly obvious law, because most "people who are forbidden" are forbidden from entering. as time has passed, hostilities cooled, and relations warmed, this law has been the subject of a long struggle of interpretation. it doesnt translate well into nearly any other language, and thus who counts as "voe" and "vai" is subject to endless debate. the differences in gender perception are most clearly on display with the admittance of the gorons. one might assume that the gorons, being a monogendered people who typically use masculine terms of identity and endearment in hyrulean, to thus qualify as voe, but the gorons cooperative nature, near uniform monogendered culture, and emphasis on hard work and independence has enough in common with your average gerudo that considering them as vai is a no brainer

ganondorf thus is also, clearly, considered vai. the specific pronouns he uses in his native gerudo include declensions regarding his position as royalty (one that has since gone out of use and is fairly archaic now, only really being used as a kind of neo-pronoun by current era gerudo as a rebellious self identification thing), his relation as the only child of koume and kotake, and are conjugated based on relation between the speaker and him. in the ancient era, calling ganondorf voe would be so confusing as to not even read as an insult. if one really wanted to refer to ganondorf with a tone of insult, theyd substitute the declension of familiarity with one used for strangers

ganondorf achieved his position as king the old fashioned way: a gift from his moms. ancient era gerudo practiced typical monarchy with a line of succession, and koume and kotake named him as the next royal of the gerudo as their heir. the hyruleans, seeing a masculine gerudo of royal birth, referred to him as "king", and correcting a culture of people he had little respect for was just a waste of ganondorfs time. after ganondorfs sealing, the gerudo changed to the current system of chiefs, wherein the current chief names a successor, or by default passes it onto their living heir. a system is in place to democratically install a new chief if the current one passes without naming a child their heir, or naming a successor in their place, a system drafted and then used in ganondorfs absence. riju thus inherited the mantle from her mother, but could opt instead to force a vote, or have such a vote forced on her due to her age, leading to much of her insecurity seen in BotW. this system has proven to be relatively stable, especially coupled with the continued tradition of keeping the palace an open public forum

the first chief of the gerudo was nabooru, advised by the sage of lightning we see in totk, following ganondorfs sealing

the gerudo are very familiar with the souls of the dead. poes, souls lost and aimless, wander the desert after millennia of bloodshed. thus their funerary customs have persisted, even as the folklore behind them fades in and out of memory.

a person perceives reality through their body. they know the sky is above them both by craning their neck up, and by the sensation of ground beneath them. in death, one is bodiless, and sensation becomes a confusing, directionless onslaught. it is so easy for a spirit to become lost, unable to orient themselves. the gerudos funerary rites seeks to aid these souls in their journey towards returning to the serpent goddess, as without guidance they are liable to become poes. the body after death is merely an empty receptacle, and on a practical level is a potential draw for dangerous desert scavengers seeking an easy meal. the shifting sands and hard soil makes burial difficult to impossible, so instead the gerudo burn their dead. smoke is ephemeral and thus able to be seen by spirits, and even as the wind rushes, smoke will still travel upwards towards the heavens. a spirit will linger by its body for a time, and thus cremation helps provide guidance to the dead. unable to feel the earth beneath them, the dead can follow the trails of smoke to orient themselves upwards, and dispel lingering confusion

as the body is burned both to guide the departed's soul and to ward away scavengers, the gerudo inter their belongings into gravesites instead, usually one or a small collection of items that the deceased valued or were considered emblematic of them. having a proud history of warriors, many gerudo consider their weapons extensions of themselves, and thus many gravesites will consist of a single weapon.

the sage of lightnings temple served as the primary gravesite for many gerudo, and in its heyday was decorated with love and care as befitting its role. torches burned bright in its sconces and the walls painted with care in massive sweeping murals. here in the temple, a foreigners idea of the gerudo as austere and practical would fall away, as the halls shone with warmth and color, taken from their desert home

lost souls that become poes often end up becoming consumed by their regrets and despair at their inability to find their way back to reincarnation through the serpent goddess's scales, and from there turn to rage and aggression. the sunlight glinting off of the goddess's mirror scales will blind and disorient the dead who have lost their way, as they try in vain to rely on their half forgotten senses, and thus poes eschew the day in favor of the cover of night. though incorporeal, poes move as fast as the desert winds, and try all they can to cause mischief and havoc. usually the end result of their shenanigans is light injuries and scratches, but it isn't uncommon for a waylaid traveller or adrenaline seeking youngster to suffer fatal consequences. despite this, poe hunting tends to be the go-to act of rebellion for antsy teenagers with a taste for danger. in general, one of the only things fast enough to strike a poe is a fired arrow

as the sands grew and the desert expanded, it grew more and more difficult for the steeds of the gerudo to gallop across the dunes, and they were driven further and further back until the gerudo phased out their horseback traditions entirely

and as an AU specific trivia tidbit

after ganondorf's sealing, nabooru grieved the loss of her childhood friend by constructing a dedicated tomb to house ganondorf's gravesite. even though he wouldn't die, nabooru would never live to see him again, and in traditional gerudo fashion, his gravesite is marked by his signature trident, further imbued by nabooru's blessing of lighting (in a similar fashion to urbosa's fury, despite urbosa not being a sage).

[maidragoste]

hello! i hope your day has been well!!

its me again, I've come to rant....

this show has driven me to the point of insanity and not in a good way. its the common cause of bad writing good scenery. like the writers focused more on the surroundings and costumes and hair then the actual plot and the actual writing and dialect that needs to take place.

aemond is actually a crazy man, like not him forcing everyone to march to the riverlands knowing daemon resides there instead of trying to garner other areas that could go head to head with them OR instead of getting more men. also not him putting alicent in her place because she helped create the patriarchal environment so now she has to deal with the fact she's raised horrible men.

also if aemond is that way with his mother, imagine if he had a wife?? i'd be scared for her. like alicent needs to slap him because i would lowkey. she slapped aegon so much as a kid, she forgot to slap aemond to keep his ego at ground level.

daemon having hallucinations for a tenth millionth episode is too much for me bro, like he needs more help than i do. like he's actually crazy and not him thinking it was simon doing it when its alys.

also alys having to give daemon life lessons is crazy to me. like thank goodness shes like 100 stuck in a young body because her wisdom must prevail and she looks young so people will listen ish.

not rhaenyra kissing mysaria like what is actually happening?? like too many heart to hearts, like they're good, but what do they add??

aemond wanting to actively kill everyone is beyond me like he's the real villain. like he doesnt care about the small folk and parades dragon heads like he's at a festival like he would make a bad ruler. i'm starting to think he's maegor the cruel not even with teats just maegor the cruel lol. like he is on a kinslaying spree.

aegon was even scared of aemond though he claims not to remember im sure he does and didn't want aemond to know because he knows his brother would kill him to silence him. like if the maester didn't walk in...

alicent realizing her dad is the only one who gave her power is wild and gwayne inadvertently telling her she failed as a mom was tier like she lowkey did in a way bro. like daeron is kind because he didn't grow up with your kids and your nonsense. like idk how helaena is even surviving because poor girl.

this whole show is so bad, but i have to watch to the end type of bad like it's not like i read the books yet to make the comparison so i'm not like uh "ohhh but in the book!!" like these are general observations that anyone can make about the show. it's not good and if i was the author of the book...i'd be a little pressed at all the fillers and them saying there's gonna be a 3rd season when this one has too many fillers....

sorry for the entire essay, and thank you for being a good listener and active responder!!

hi anon, how are you?

I was late in responding because I am sick and I only saw the episode today hahaha

I think I didn't suffer so much with this episode because I read your ask first so I already knew what was coming xd

I feel like I shouldn't laugh but the comment that Alicent should have hit Aemond made me laugh a lot 😭😭

About the hallucinations, I'm glad I was right that there was going to be a hallucination with Viserys, but I can understand why so many hallucinations are getting boring, and I didn't like it so much that Viserys is saying dialogues that he already said in the first season. they could have invented something

I'M WITH YOU. I DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW DAEMON SUSPECTED SIMON STRONG. POOR LORD, HE NEVER DID ANYTHING TO HIM 😭😭

honestly i didn't expect to like alys but i like her dynamic with daemon

I don't know how to feel about the kiss, a part of me already saw a tension between them and I like that they confirmed rhaenyra as bisexual but I don't know how they are going to continue with this plot

I honestly don't know what to think of Aemond's writing anymore ☠️☠️ I feel like even the maester doesn't trust him

I loved the conversation about Daeron (I'm just a girl who gets excited at every mention of him). I felt sorry for Alicent, I really don't think Gwayne wanted to make her feel bad 🥺

My friend and I also thought that the show went bad (we also read the book) but we still continue watching it because we already started it and we want to see some things that are to come

Thank you for writing to me and I hope you are well 💖💖

[dollyboned]

how destiny's child emotion and killugon are post-separation parallels; a very, very long analysis i wrote in 2h

hi! im danaë, an autistic person which sp-in is psychology and hxh, mainly killugon. i spent two hours yesterday writing about this topic instead of sleeping so enjoy it lol

WARNING!! if you didn't notice THEY'RE LOVE INTERESTS. this text isn't killugon-free, im proud of it AND im blocking everyone that cries about them being only besties. respectfully, no. thank you. (also, english isn't my first language. sorry for any eventual spelling mistakes!)

right on the first verse we hear "it's over and done / but the heartache lives on the inside / and who are you clinging to instead of me tonight?". this could apply to both gon and killua.

gon & "and who are you clinging to instead of me tonight?". killua left with alluka, he has someone to care about and protect. he has company. gon isn't the type to be jealous of a little girl (really, people need to wake up about it. he isn't), but he IS the type to be sad about not being cared even if he denies it. he's a kid; every kid likes to feel protected.

but the thing is, killua isn't happy about it neither. even if he loves to protect alluka, it's different. he loves her, of course, but there's the lack of the warmth of being mutually cared because gon ALSO cared about his well-being (and im fighting everyone who says he didn't). im not saying alluka won't care for killua, but she'll care like a little sister does, not how someone that love you romantically does — and that's good because killua would NOT be able to make it if anyone tried to be the tiniest bit of what gon was when they parted ways.

and then comes this: "and where are you now? / now that I need you? / tears on my pillow / wherever you go, go". oh, dude. this is so killugon i feel ashamed of trying to explain to hxh community /hj

they both were constantly hurting from being away, even though this was the best for them at the time. they wanted each other to be near, wanted and needed, but they couldn't. there is this thin and fragile veil of deep sorrow that would make them get so attached to the other that would be more sickening than the sadness of losing their "other piece" for a while. it's more worth crying over memories than losing their mind from being deadly (metaphorically and literally) codependent.

this links to the next phrase: "i'll cry me a river that leads to your ocean". crying alone is more safe than being next to each other. they'll cry over memories, as i said, and they'll cry about distance and they'll cry over everything that could've been different. they'll find the other in their tears, the hugs will come out of the bittersweet sorrow they carry around, but they'll be separated. they can cry rivers that lead to a valley of what it was and what could've been, but it'll be all. the sadness won't make them be together again.

there comes killua part: "you'll never see me fall apart". he needs to be the big brother now. he need to be alluka's point of safety so he can assure their existence, and for this killua needs to be strong as a rock, he needs alluka to look at him and think she can trust him with anything. he's the big brother, isn't he? emotions about a past that doesn't belong to him anymore aren't going to help with surviving. but he does break silently, while he is trying to sleep ("tears on my pillow"), when something looks to much like a typically gon thing, when memories crawl in. he's just a fragile boy needing to use the super strong hero facade again.

the first part of the next verse is "in the words of a broken heart / it's just emotions taking me over / caught up in sorrow, lost in the song / but if you don't come back / come home to me, darling". this is suffering. both of them are heartbroken, left "alone" to face worlds they feel they don't belong to anymore, wanting their partner in crime to make things less insufferable. they remember the other on daily little things — a song, a quote, a smell. but killua never comes to visit and gon isn't able to do it either — there's no home left besides each other's hearts, and they live there rent-free even if it hurts like hell. memories hurt, the past is like glass and salt being poured into an open wound to later be mixed with alcohol, but they aren't able to say goodbye to it because saying goodbye to the pain is like saying goodbye to the last tangible thing they've from each other — ironically, the pain of being separated —, and the last thing they want is to say goodbye again so they hold it close to their hearts like a trophy.

but as if they're bargaining, here comes "don't you know there's nobody left in this world to hold me tight? / and don't you know there's nobody left in this world kiss goodnight?". there's people, but there's nothing of what they need. they need someone that knows how to make them feel safe, loved, safe — nor alluka or mito can do this for neither gon or killua the way they need it to be done. they try to, but they can't because the type of sadness they're carrying is exclusively from a love that never had a true end; they parted ways, but never stopped loving each other even if their trust was a little bit weaker, and carrying a love that is technically in open hurts so much that no one can try to mimic how it was. a tight hug from mito or alluka won't be the same of a silly headpat from killua or a bright smile from gon because isn't about the act but who's doing it.

and then we've the last verse before the music repeats itself, that i truly believe that wraps up everything in killugon's love story: "i'm there at your side / a part of all the things you are / but you got a part of someone else / you gotta go find your shining star".

gon wanted to find ging and be back at whale's island; killua had to protect alluka. they felt so much love, but they had other people in their lives too that needed to be looked over. even if their story is forever intertwined at some point, both of them are mix of a lot of people and have small amounts of them inside themselves. this is what makes it a tiny little bit easier to go through not having each other near: other people. the tiny pieces of every person they've ever met that created their personality and their new horizons are what eventually make them heal from all the suffering and sorrow and finally be able to reunite again, friendship strong and a love so healthy like a daisy that just blossomed.

they're forever in love. the distance and the sadness was necessary for them to see that things can be hard to handle alone, but they're never alone as they have other people that care for them deeply and are willing to see them fully happy — just as in emotion's music video. when they learn to be complete by themselves, they can multiply together and form a relationship that adds up, not that is dangerously subtracting their mental health. they deserve to love each other when they're ready. ♡

end of the analysis. thx for reading this bible i wrote in 2h lol

[the-marxist-mash]

My "I think the fallout show is bad" post spoilers included

I watched the fallout show with low hopes and mostly for the purpose of annoying my friend whom I love and I'll be honest it was bad 👎

Gonna split this into 1: issues with writing 2: lore bs that i hated cuz im a new vegas girl 3: things i will begrudgingly admit that i liked

1: bad writing

For me the show confirmed for me that it was not going to be writen for me and my tastes was in the second episode when the enclave scientist gives the vault dweller an ominous speech about how the world is too dangerous to set a fire to camp on the road side at night whichbis something very inlone with the Bethesda style of writing the falloit universe. This show really has no interest in talking about how humanity overcomes the suffering of the post apocalypse it is focused on the power fantasy of being the strongest and most competent person who is capable of navigating a wasteland overflowing with mutants raiders and robots, community doesn't save you from the wasteland only big guns and strong walls (and even then the walls dont help as much as the guns)

Then of course there is the shows general failure in world building. For a show that is allegedly not for the long time fans of the series and instead for casual fans or new comers to the franchise just looking for a new scifi series it has a lot of things brought into the show and left entirely unexplained. The enclave a major faction of the series with a lot going on gets a montage of life in their base where we learn they have scientists doing research, use an offbrand american flag, and seem to be somewhat vaguely nefarious. Then there's moldaver a prewar human leading a cult in the post post apocalypse and the only surviver of the great war in the show who is not given a clear explination for living this long. And speaking of the post post apocalypse the new california republic being introduced as already having collapsed as a result of a second nuclear attack on California which while this does get explained is a wildly unnecessary amount of information to give in the first season of a show thats allegedly for new fans.

2 lore shit i hated

So as a new vegas girly i can only describe this show as feeling like if todd howard broke your toys infront of you so nobody could play with them anymore. From the addition of vault tech nuking the ncr in a wild attempt to have the exact same plan as the enclave in both fallout 2 and 3 but with much worse execution to ghouls now having a specific anti feral drug the lore changes are bad. And plenty of people have already pointed out the way the new timeline does not just make it so the ncr is destroyed but it is destroyed before the plot of new vegas is set with fall of shady sands occurring the same year as the 1st battle of the hoover dam which just feels like this was included for the express purpose of decannonizing new vegas because it honestly only makes the story more confusing and harder for new fans to navigate by looking up information about the existing games. Then there is the way in which the enclave is seemingly retconned out of being the shadow government (where it held effective control over vault tech as a way to experiment with human subjects for various reasons) and instead vault tech goes on to start the great war for effectively the same reason the eclave had for trying to exterminate everyone living in the wasteland. And i think the worst part is that most of these issues could have been avoided if the story was just set in a different time (between 1 and 2 or even before 1) or location (literally anywhere a major faction has not already been established existing in cannon) and the story would have benefited so much from that

3: okay i liked some of it

The prewar flashbacks did actually have good bits

The writers didn't go full liberty prime and understood the anticommunism in the series was satire

They made the brotherhood look like a facist techno cult and i had fun with the explicit religious ritual stuff going on in their base

The snake oil salesman who can heal you but also might mutate you was fun and feels very much like classic fallout

The axolotl abomination that i thought had sloghtly too human hands turning out to be a vault experiment was fun for me

4 secret section where i complain more

Yeah i know its already green lit for like 2 more seasons and has way more time to explain shit i dont care i dont think they are either capanle or interested in making this any better

Anyway the show was bad thanks for reading my rambling complaints or sorry for inflicting this on you if you actually liked it? But i put a cut on this one so thats on you. Im gonna go write my own fallout stoeies for ttrpg campaigns with my friends now since todd wont give me a story i like

[hephaestuscrew]

Hi! im relistening to Wolf359 again and upon listening to Pan-Pan(ep29) ive come to notice a bit of a parallel (?) to Need to Know (ep35). Minkowshi not telling the crew about the cracks on the fixtures and how in less than 100 DAYS that the whole station could go down no matter how many repairs they make due to not wanting to add more weight and hopelessness to an already high stressed situation vs Kepler not telling anyone shit bc he doesn't see that as none of their business (I may be overlooking something tho, i have to relisten to that ep once i get off work)

I'm trying to see if there's an actual connection there or am i on my tin foil hat biases again.

Thanks for the ask! I ended up writing far more than I expected about this, so I'll put my response below a cut.

TLDR: Minkowski and Kepler make a similar choice to withhold information, but for very different reasons. Minkowski is motivated by her responsibility to protect her crew. Kepler is motivated by his desire to maintain his own power. This relates to their different ideas about leadership.

I think there's an interesting comparison to the extent that these are both cases in which people in authority positions have to make decisions about who to share critical information with. Minkowski and Kepler both withhold information from their respective crews that is very relevant to their future survival. They both use the phrase "need to know" in their justification for doing this. When Hilbert asks why Minkowski hasn't told them about the cracks, Minkowski's first response is "Because… you didn't need to know." Kepler talks about the idea of 'need to know' quite a bit, but perhaps the most notable instance for this comparison is when he tells Jacobi "That mission parameter [about the potential for alien duplicates] was marked for black archive clearance. Need to know. And you didn't need to know."

But I think the similarities between Minkowski and Kepler's approaches to withholding information pretty much end there. I believe that Minkowski is telling the truth when she says she didn't tell Hilbert and Lovelace about the cracks because they'd "suffered enough". She doesn't tell them because she doesn't want them to lose hope. She doesn't tell them even though, as Hera says, doing so might make wrangling them easier.

For Minkowski, knowing something that she doesn't tell the rest of the crew is something that weighs on her. I think you can hear it in her voice when she tells Hera that she won't tell Hilbert and Lovelace about the cracks "not today". I think you can hear it when she breaks down towards the end of Pan-pan ("Just like the cracks, and the station just keeps falling apart. And there's nothing I can do, and I am sorry.")

In contrast, I don't think we are given any reason to believe that Kepler feels a sense of regret or conflict about the knowledge he doesn't share with the rest of the crew. Of course, he regrets the consequences of losing Jacobi's loyalty and his control of the station. But Kepler's reaction to Jacobi challenging him on his secrecy is focused on standing by his decision and justifying it. Unlike Minkowski, Kepler refers to Goddard rules when defending his decision not to share information. He didn't tell his crew that Lovelace was probably an alien duplicate because he believed that doing so wouldn't have supported his objectives. That's sufficient reason for him.

I think this is actually a good illustration of a key difference between Minkowski and Kepler's attitudes towards leadership. For Minkowski, leadership is first and foremost about responsibility - the responsibility to be a good Commander and keep her crew safe. (Other leadership priorities are more prominent for her early on, but by season 2 I believe that's her primary motivation and I think it's always been a key part of her concept of leadership.) In contrast, for Kepler, leadership is first and foremost about power - the power to push mission progress forward, the power to order and manipulate and threaten in service of the bigger picture. And information is power, so why would he share it if he doesn't have to?

Those contrasting ideas of leadership underlie their choices when they withhold information from their crews. Minkowski doesn't tell her crew everything because she wants to protect them from losing hope. Kepler doesn't tell his crew everything because he wants to be the one holding all the cards - he'll only reveal information to others when doing so supports his aims.

To come back to your original question, I think there's a connection here, but it's less that the writers are deliberately encouraging these comparisons, and more that Minkowski and Kepler are both people in leadership positions in a life-threatening environment, and that inevitably necessitates decisions about who to share information with. And very different leadership priorities can motivate similar choices in not telling people things they would want to know.

[thougts-of-xena]

• Wakanda forever, Líik'ik Talokan and Glory to Ukraine •

[ ukrainian girl's perspective of the latest mcu movie ]

I watched [ Black Panter: Wakanda forever ] recently, and I can clearly tell - it's gonna be my favorite movie of the long long time. It's an amazing, really good action movie, one of the most epic I've seen. I loved it so much to see beautiful cultures, and all honor to Chadwick Boseman's memory made me very emotional every time. Like those silent moments whole audience was silent too, almost holding their breath.

And the most important for me was character of Namor, his arc and whole point about colonization. This period of time, colonization of America and erasing cultures hurted me so deep as an autistic child with history as an interest, and now I can relate so much with all this stories as an adult woman of the nation fighting for independence [ and survival basically ].

In our National Day of Dignity and Freedom want to talk with you about it. Why it is so important for me personally, and maybe for many conscious people of our nation as well.

Not for trying to compare who suffered more through the history. It never was, and never will be my goal, this would be awful thing to do. But to share history of my people and explain why this movie and character affected me so much.

For short - though Namor despites human kind in general I hope he might be pleased to see our "let's burn colonizators to the ground" resistance after hundreds of years of oppression, when old 'mighty' Europe only saying they're conserned and "let's just calm down and talk everybody". Heaven knows we tried everything, we tried to talk so many times. Russians do not want to talk with us - they want to make us assimilated part of their country, or they want us dead. And we just want to be left alone and live our lives.

For a bit longer story - just look at this monstrosity of a country. Is this normal for country to be THAT enormously big?

You can say: - Maybe. And I will say: - Only if all subjects having equal rights, impact and independence inside the union.

But things never in the history of russian expansion was like that,  and im going explain it, and hope you will get it why  I have used word "colonizators" earlier.

I really wanted to write a whole proper article or essay about this, but I'm without electricity for most of the time lately. "Thanks" to russian missiles damaging our power plants. And it become really hard for me to engage in deeper research, to translate and put in here sources that wasn't originally in english.

So instead it will be more little history lesson with knowledge from my head, and little documentaries from other intelligent people, which I recommend you to watch to illustrate my point. Videos was made by ukrainan creators, so yu can trust them, english subs that can be turned manually if you open them on YouTube, I'm still not sure how this works here.

I'll mostly use history of my country as an example since i know it better, I feel I have no right to talk about other nations at their behalf.

So Muskovy [ USSSR and modern Russia ] is like adopted offspring of the Golden Horde.

Golden Horde expanfion, you can spot something similar already

It expands only to consume resources, erasing native people of that lands. Do you think small swampy peace of land it originally was had all that gas, oil and wood they're bragging about nowadays?

Do you think there wasn't native people in that land who was exterminated, exiled or assimilated so russians can use resources this nation had? They didn't even had a clear access to big water.

Muskovy was a small part of Kyevan Rus' on a distant swampy land, but it wanted more influence in the world, a clear access to the big water - Black Sea that we had, since they didn't have it and felt like they missing up whole worldwide trading and invasive wars party.

To do so they tried to get all the land for themselves. Kyevan Rus' then was successful and strong country of its time but had an internal issues [ muskovy as one of them ] and was struggling with every neighbor wanted to get a part of its territory.

Interesting story for another time, let's focuse on a russian part of it.

So Muskovy put their eyes on not only territories of modern Crimea, wich was their own country that days  - Crimean Khanat, but all modern Odesa-Mykolaiv-Kherson-Mariupol lands. But they can't get there easily, they need to concuer all the land, wich is not bad itself as it has a lot of coal, forest ant great agricultural potential.

But my people don't wanted to give it up so easily, wanting our territories back, wanting a safespace for our culture and history, so fighted with their lifes. This leads to more than 300 years of  [ - give me your land! - no. ] and after becoming an Empire strong enough to overpower us [ - give us our independence back! - no. ] cycles of merciless wars.

And than Russian Empire coming up with a time proved strategy. I don't know did they make it by themselves or sneaked a peak of it by older empire-sisters but they're using it til now,  evolving from Russian Empire to USSR to Russian federation like some wicked Pokémon.

And here's coming the interesting part with the videos I prepared for you,  grab some snacks and let's go.

The first one is about how russia tried to erase our language

This one about them them trying to erase our culture and replace it with a fucking joke.

And the last one is about creating an image of our people as angry, stupid and degraded, with THEM as superior nation above us, mostly in our heads.

They knew what they were doing and did that on purpose. They wanted make us ashamed of our culture, to separated us from who we are and mash into a faceless "brotherhood nations" with recourses to use.

Unfortunately - it worked, and worked very well as whole nation has an inferiority complex now, simpy denying ourselves. Feeling like its better to be associated with them, to blend in what they are calling culture, than discover our own one, that was appropriated, stolen or forgotten for generations, almost fighting for not to be lost forever.

So-called "big brother of ours" enslaved our people with serfdom, suppressin our attempts to embrace our heritage, to gain independence, causing artificial hunger Holodomor in 1932-33 also known as Terror-famine in Ukraine, or by repressions like Executed Renaissance. Our culture is still alive and kicking, but you can see there was not big room for blooming.

Those who they couldn't execute - they calling heritage of their own. For example Treasure Island animation, dr. Livesey from it internet loved so much not so long ago - it's actually ukrainian made.

They simply called russain everyone talented or famous from so-called union. They made sure it's almost impossible for you to pursue your ambitions as a scientist, artist or musician anywhere but Russia, so if you work in Russia you will be seen as and caled russian, no matter where you from.

No matter wich culture certain traditional attires [ vyshivanka or papakha ] dish [ borsh or chebureki ] or other heritage  like giorgian dance woman lezghinka russians calling their beryozka now, came from - it all claimed by them as their general [ stolen ] russian culture.

They did it not only to us. I told I wouldn't be speaking of other nations but just take a look what was done to Crimean tatars.

If you thought I made up my point about them wanting access to the sea VERY BAD

You may search on YouTube or TikTok how russians treating their neighbor "former soviet union" countries [ like Republic of Kazakhstan or Georgia ] when visiting them.

Like "you should be grateful we bring civilization to your land" and "your native name is to hard for me to pronounce, I'll just call you Masha, Natasha, Ivan etc." Ask people of other Caucasian regiongs about how they was and still treated till now, ask belorusians about their language [ spoiler - it is dying ].

Its so unfair, that now we are screaming at the top of our lungs to be heard, for people to see us the nations of our own, to just let us be and cherish our culture.

But our voices are suppressed by voices of our oppressors telling us to calm down and listen to them since they know the better way for us to live and solve problems THEY CAUSED. With no regrets or reflexia.

And world prefers to listen to them, praising them, insted of listen to people who was offended, if not to say violated, by them. Not only us, many other nations,.

After all i said this story may sound familiar to black people, indigenous people of America, people of other colonized countrie - because IT IS.

Or you may say to me:

- I'ts just white's business, mind it on your own.

Ok, though its not very correct statement, but I'll take it for now. Let me show you this video, then - Russia is literally colonizing African countries right now for their woods. They won't stop. They simply don't want to, still thinking imperial way.

             •••• ••••   •••• ••••   •••• ••••

Thank you for reading all of this to the end.

My point here was not to make this movie and other people's trauma about my people, to take it away from you. This is YOUR history and YOUR experience.

I'm writing this not to impose ourself in your place, not to say that we can completely 100% clearly understand what are you feeling. I just wanted to share what are going through, to show why this movie in general and Namor in particular is so important and precious to me as.

I feel like he was right all along, just like us wanting nothing other than protect his land and people. Time is now for Ukraine and someone has to end this monster, burn those russian world | peace* they bringing everywhere they go, and we'll not hasitate.

* in russian there's one world for this term, basically it means "coercion some country to peace by violence and propaganda for expantion through the world"

I think it's really important to point some serious issues in movies like that. You may not like the movie, or actors or else, I respect that, but it's social commentary, it's impact you can't overestimate.

I believe some nations should be pointed at this on and on and on like "yes, YOUR nation did it. Yes. Yes it did. It's part of your history and responsibility is not going anywhere. Your way of thinking now is a part of the problem! Take it, rethink it and work it out,  like a mature nation should".

I believe that we can overcome this trauma, educate people [ though some of them may use the Clockwork orange therapy instead ], and in some time make world a better place without all this shit.

I've seen [ Wakanda forever ] two times at theaters already and I'm planning to go for it again. I want it to make a good income, I want corporations see at least financial benefit of educating people, of making an empathy gap smaller.

I want them to seek profit in making a good culture and history representation, to give voice for this people to talk to a wider group of people - its freaking Marvel, after all. To educate and unite those who suffering with generational and colonial trauma.

For example after "Encanto" someone might catch themselves wondering - who was those people that attacked Abuelas village and why would they do that?

Like "The Woman King" left me shaken . Movie may not be 100% historically accurate, as I'm aware, but it was good as the work of art, it showed culture, tradition, and the tragedy. It really drove me to this culture, I hope many people as well wanted to know more, and more.

Simple wandering who K'uk'ulkan may originally be, what a meaning his figure may originally have, may lead people to more serious research. To study, to respect and adore as this cultures in the way they deserve to. Like my childish adoration is booming and blooming now, bringing me so much joy, im eager to learn and resurch. I just hope books from my childhood aren't burned to ashes in occupied town where I left them.

And I'm only waiting for my salary to try to buy some books end explore world of Black Panter more. Same for comics in general - I was torn from pop-culture growing up, trying regaining this loss in past few years, taking friendly recommendations here, indigenous, POC or queer stories\creators is a priority.

I'm open for discussion, since my mind is a mess after this movie. I have so many thoughts, I love it - the movie and thinking thoughts -  very much.

We can also discuss how amazing it is to see celebration of any other than white european cultures on the big screen, how beautiful it is to see people of color on the leading roles, and black people in position of power through the plot. To show them as good and proud people, who know their worth, and will not tolerate any disrespect towards them. [ and how pleasing it is to see so pissed off people those empathy ends when starts conversation about the minority they can't associate themselves with. It's not about or for you, wolrd is changing, adjust a little, baby boy ]

We can discuss the messages from Black Panter movies that someone with the real power do not use it to cause harm, but the weak ones always seeking power to abuse the others. The message about loss and grief. Like now I have deeper understanding of our national motto "heroes never die".

Or we can share our love to Namor. As my sister told me after the movie - despite our shared thalassophobia we'd love be one of Talokan people. To have place then you'll be safe and secure, to have fatherly caring figure of K'uk'ulkan that always by your side protecting you, making sure that all will be well. Aqua papi? Aqua papa, por favor, gracias. And please - his little wooden house - isn't it adorable? Does his mother inspired him to make it? Does that mean his heart still have some little room for something from the surface? I don't need sleep, I need answers.

You can offer your theme to talk about, but if you coming to start some rude shit here - I'll not hesitate to block you immediately. Same goes for those who didn't like the movie as much as I did, I respect that, just chill out and pass by.

For the ones who read this to the very end - exclusive announcement. On my art acc I'll definitely draw my beloved feather serpent god, not once nor twice, since now it's a comfort character of mine and im going to embrace my urge for historicall, cultural and mythological studies as much as i can. But with some time pass. I have the ideas, now I need to gain some stability, mental at least. I'd love to share love for him with you, feel free to be my guest.

[vvindication]

8, 17, and 20 annnyyy ocs for the suffering asks

ily ghost thank u for sending me oc asks (platonic) 💖💕💞 im gonna answer for multiple bc I CANNOT be stopped

8. Do they feel glee at the sight of blood? this is such an pointedly edgy question and I love it for that. do any of my ocs ??? generally no, but circumstantially yes

this doesnt fit with my planned Disco OCs answers because I can easily say no for them off the top of my head without much thought, but I do think my Cyberpunk man Vance gets some sort of fucked up thrill from drawing blood when fighting with knives in close combat. the smell makes him sick for trauma reasons (best friend died horribly) but he's a vengeful & impulsive adrenaline junkie, ofc he likes getting into risky fights and making his enemies bleed

funny thing is he almost always feels guilty about hurting people anyway. hes just very good at hiding it under a sarcastic veneer <3

17. What little regrets do they have? ohhhh okay this ones gonna be more difficult for me. I always think about the big hard-hitting stuff (as seen below . um) lets see ...

Vincent regrets not being able to identify unclaimed deceased. does that count as little? actually compared to everything else he's got going on, yeah, im counting that. he regrets plenty of social interactions, not being comforting enough for distraught civilians, not being supportive enough for fellow officers drudging through the same soul-sucking work he is. he always wishes he could do MORE to help others, but hes just one neurotic little man surviving day to day in a war-torn city, in a barely functioning police force

I know for sure theres shit im not thinking of with my other beloveds but now im super stuck thinking about codependency cause I wrote that answer first. oops. codependency ..........

20. Are they codependent? Do they have abandonment issues? YOUVE ACTIVATED MY TRAP CARD !!!!! this is one of the fun new characterizations im leaning into hard for Mr. Travart and his very apparent relationship problems. hes been abandoned A Lot (both by choice and by tragedy) and it fucks with him so much. he wants to be loved so bad that when he finds an ounce of it he'll give his soul for it. yaaaaay codependency !!! 🎉💖🎉

this is a big reason he falls for Arcelis so hard when flirted with. he wants to think somebody actually wants him for who he is, even if he is a corrupt politician blatantly manipulating him, and it (obviously) gets him into a fuckton of trouble.

basic history behind this is he and his mom were abandoned by his father before he was even born, his mom died as a teenager, the uncle who took him in literally only did so as a favor to his sister who'd died and treats him like shit. I think part of him thinks he has to Make Up For Something because people keep leaving and he wonders why HE hasnt been a victim of circumstance yet. why does he have to stay and suffer?? not even to mention Arcelis breaking up with him and Joakim dying for him ...

he doesnt unlearn this by the time he gets involved with Harry OR Kim. thats a point I particularly want to make. he isnt magically fixed by these relationships and would sacrifice his own life for them in a heartbeat whether they appreciate it or not. something something ... life without them would be more painful than dying. at least he wouldnt have to face more loss that way

... can you tell Ive been writing some heavy shit lately. hehe ^_^

[kisasiblings]

canon is fake everyone is fine

so true!!!

tbh im not even talking about this from a "im a fan attached to these characters" standpoint, its moreso from a writing/narrative point of view

since what we see at the end of sdra2/in omakes isnt even bittersweet or hopeful, like nearly all of the surviving characters are unhappy with like no signs of it ever getting better

narratively, the staple of danganronpa-esque pieces and other tragic, darker works is usually the at least teeny tiny glimpse of potential improvement of the situation

even if now everything is awful and horrible, we shouldnt stay in the sadness forever as life isnt 100% bad or 100% good

i mean, even in completely abysmal settings like the one in projectmoon games (giant continentlike city divided by districts ruled by megacorporations where masses of people die on daily basis) its never shown that the cycle is doomed to continue forever

and if the story that makes you care about the characters ends with (nearly) everyone who survives (out of like 90% of the initial cast) remaining in the abyss of grief and suffering, it simply leaves the audience dissatisfied

of course a skillful writer can make that kind of thing compelling however it doesnt seem to be the case in the dra duology not only because of the ending but also because of various plot points that only really exist for shock value for the most part

it all adds up to an experience that, if you think about for too long, has more and more sort of pointless tidbits show up that after analysis mostly serve to shove "interesting" plot twists that in reality dont make much sense

while yes i understand that at least with dra linuj was quite young and didnt have much insight when it comes to satisfying storytelling, it doesnt really make the result any less frustrating

[unlimitedhorsepower]

i mainly blog about media interests i have but i actually care a lot about politics and yknow common human decency. i own two cats, and i owned my late finnhorse mare for over a decade. i miss her and still love horses a lot.

i allegedly study cultural anthropology at an university and used to study equine masseusing and art. however im kinda just surviving on disability pension rn. feel free to ask about anything else, i love talking!

right now ive dedicated this blog to t&b ryan goldsmith for funsies but i like various things. more than you could imagine

queue posts once per day and i basically only queue things unless im actively making new posts

i make a bunch of posts that i dont tag at all. good luck finding them bc i sure fucking cant find them. some posts i just end up deleting anyways

i rarely go into any tags bc i have brain fungus but if you wanted to show me a post by sending it to me i would probably love to see it!

i dont usually follow back bc of the aforementioned brain fungus and instead skim through the latest things on the blogs of ppl interacting with me (if you wonder why i reblogged something from you randomly)

even if i dont reply in the case i get really busy irl etc, i still always read everything sent to me, every single reply, tag and ask!

my art tag: #gabriels doodles

wildly varying quality/effort

i do take requests if you want to try your luck in my ask box

my art-only blog, where i only reblog finished-enough art (im so slow at writing captions ill put my art on here one day for real): @limitedhorsepower​

other miscellanous tags & fun facts about me:

#ryanyurikeith

the sun, the sky and the moon with extremely congruent life issues... its so deep and their themes go perfectly together

#gabriels ouroboros kings

barnaby & ryan & keith (side platter of ryan/keith)  

the sternbild royalty (king of heroes x2 and the wandering gravity prince) as antagonists.

theyre all part of ouroboros for different reasons, but more loyal to each other than the organization for various reasons

#gabriels salaryman heroes

ryan/yuri/keith mainly, self-indulgent joke about high school romance tropes in an office building 

more fun facts about me:

as you can see i have a few different T&B AUs that i may post about or just totally forget and never make content for again despite them being perfectly mapped out in my mind but i love to share facts about them

if you ever interact with me here and thought that my answer didnt make sense, it was probably just that my brain (ADHD&co.) actively works against me and i may make really bad typos or straightup forget to type half of the words in a sentence. but hey. i did my best. never be afraid to ask for a clarification though

i also genuinely suffer from being overtly verbose (again... my brain...) and please dont feel pressured to read something if i sent you an extremely long DM reply or made a really long-winded reblog or something. i just communicate like that but i dont mind if you cant read it LMFAO.

my long sentences makes me seem really serious sometimes even when im not but im very friendly i promise!

and let me know if my typing is hard to read, i can switch to proper capitalization and punctuation if needed

[system-of-a-feather]

It is really wild how heavily my feelings towards possibly having a semi-normal semi-low stress semi-free life soon swings WILDLY between the normal and expected joy and excitement, and sheer depression and anxiety. It's part of the motions itself and it's the trauma speaking, but the idea of not having my childhood trauma placing strict psychological walls and limits of what I can and can't do just... in a weird way it seems almost miserably boring right now. Like literally 3 hours ago I was excited and relieved but now Im dreading it - and I'm pretty sure I'm still me, maybe I'm still fused with Data as well and its just me swinging between two dominant sides, I can't tell but good god the swings from relief, excitement, joy and just an existential crisis and sense that without the chronic stress and pressure and extremely rigid walls I've been living in if I would even still be me

Which is an anxiety thing, because obviously Ill still be me and obviously life will still suck and be stressful in its own ways, but man is the idea of being relatively free came out of left field and I've only had a month to really realize how close we are to it.

I'm honestly... kind of scared to be happy. I don't think I'm ready for it XD

Like straight up, I'm terrified of being happy and healing now that I'm at a huge threshold point in healing probably. Im just like

Wait wait

Wait no wait

Hold up slow down

I haven't thought about this decision genuinely beyond a theoretical haha thatd be nice but would never happen

And its at my front door

What do you mean Ill have OPTIONS in life other than survive

Im not ready for OPTIONS in life

God someone hide me I'm not ready to live and thrive jesus christ

Most graduating college students I feel have this anxiety around graduating because they have to live on their own, take on independence, and have to adult permanently on their own and that stress I'm good I love that I'm ready for that

But god damn does the freedom of not having to prepare for the next test every 3-4 weeks, the grind to do more and more, and then returning home and not having my own place - that shit, THAT shit scares the fuck out of me

Make me survive on $5 for food a day, fine I can make that work I'm used to and good at struggling and suffering. Give me a home and money that I make myself and let me live with my supportive and loving fiance and engage in my hobbies when I get the chance because I succeeded at immense cost at preparing for the work force?????????

Relaxing?! ENJOYING LIFE?! terrifying.

Like Im writing this satirically but its unironically the thing thats had me dysregulated for a fucking month. It's getting better and more manageable than before but good GOD have I never more understood the thing my therapist tried to get me to understand that "I have grown comfortable in my misery"

Like I don't want to stay in my current life style god no its not sustainable, but to get BETTER? To have a chance at something nice? Somehow right now that sounds scarier than the current life cause man, I know my misery. Even when my brain genuinely doesn't see this as a "waiting for second shoe to drop" the level of which I am so unfamiliar with existing in anything but a chronic trauma response state and the possibility that I might not be in a chronic trauma response state TERRIFIES me.

And Im really here going "Don't worry we still live in a dystopian capitalist society and life will still suck its okay" to ease my anxiety and good god

I fucking god PTSD man. Someone without PTSD aint like this man

-Riku