#every single musical number has me crying

[zeawesomebirdie]

I should probably update my bio now that I'm officially watching Phineas and Ferb too, huh

[igotanidea]

Run baby, run: AK!Jason x reader

part 2 to Somebody's watching me.

She looked so peaceful. So innocent.

And completely oblivious to the fact that the casual outing she went to with her friends was carefully observed by a pair of eyes, hidden under a metal helmet.

Or was she-?

He was like a predator.

Waiting for a single mistake of his prey to take a change and lunge at the opportunity fate presented him with.

Whatever the mistake may be in this case.

But sooner or later she was gonna make one.

Part ways with her friends.

Get drunk and bibulously let some guy touch her.

Dance to the music to the point of exhaustion and end up on the couch in a stranger’s house.

And he would be there to prevent the aftermath of that.

***

For the last week she was going crazy.

Ever since that one night when she saw a silhouette on the rooftop it felt like someone has been following her every move, ever step, lurking in the dark, so close to her and yet, just beyond reach. However, when she tried to tell her friends about they look at her like she was making a joke. So obviously she stopped doing as much as even mentioning it, cause the last thing she wanted was to be abandoned by the only people in her surroundings.

Even if those friends didn’t really deserve the name.

But still – those were the only one she had.

Incomparable with the Waynes she used to spend her time with years ago, before all went to shit. But Jason’s disappearance left an everlasting scar. The only thing she wanted was to forget it all, and yet – the only impossible thing in her life seemed to be letting go of the past. And being in the company of Dick, Tim, Babs and the rest of the clan was making her skin burn and her stomach twist and turn with the incoming, checkless panic attack. Like her entire body and mind felt the pressure of the past on her fragile conscience and damaged soul.

And the only thing she felt like doing in the Manor was either screaming or crying. 

So she moved on, or so she tried to convince herself of.

***

Mistake number one was left her drink unattended when she went to the toilet.

Rookie move with the possible grave consequences.

But it was gone when she came back. Only fueling her paranoia.

Mistake number two was letting her eyes off her companionship and being left alone by the exit with some drunken and already horny guys.

But when with shaky hands she pulled out her phone, desperately searching through her contact list for a potential backup, those men were already dragged into the nearest dark alley and knocked down.

But her worst mistake was not calling the cab and deciding on actually walking home. In her opinion it was a way to get some air and calm her rapidly racing heart, but she freaking forgot it was Gotham.

Like a freaking fool.

Under any other circumstances she would never and the fact that the though of going on foot even crossed her mind was the perfect reflection of her shattered mind spinning like a freaking Ferris wheel.

Something was wrong.

Something was awfully wrong and she felt like she was a main character in some horror movie.

Like that girl, who you watch on the screen, screaming at her to not go to that creepy attic from where the most suspicious sounds come, and then do the exact same thing when faced with a threat.

A ruffle of the leaves. The sound of an empty soda can rolling on the street. The flap of bird’s wing.

It all made her feel like a Freddy Krueger was coming after her.

And maybe she was not so far from the truth.

Her pulse was over the moon, heart running out of her chest, breath quickening, legs starting to move faster and faster and faster as she started running. Not really watching where as long as it was forward and away from whatever imaginary individual was chasing her.

With wild hair, tears in her eyes and blurry vision.

She was so stupid. So fucking stupid and mental, belonging in the mental institution due to her damaged brain refusing to stop dwelling on the past trauma.

“WATCH OUT!”

Before she was hit by a car a strong pair of arms grabbed her by the waist pulling her back to the pavement. She closed her eyes in fear letting whoever her savior was hold her trembling form. As weird as it was, for some reason being in this embrace felt… good. And familiar. Like she belonged there.

And if it was another wave of schizophrenic images coming from her brain she refused to accept it, freezing at the spot and waiting for it to pass.

But the stranger’s seeming grip on her body did not falter. For a longer while that seemed both like an eternity and like a second.

“Y/N….”

It must have been a wind. It must have been a wind. It must have been a wind.

“Y/N…”

The second the voice hit her ears again she turned around abruptly, but there was no one there.

She was going crazy.

With wide terrified eyes, slowly coming back on earth she finally took in her surroundings.

Realizing, to her undeniable terror, that she was right next to Dick’s house. And even worse – noticing the lights in his windows. Which meant he was here and not in Bludhaven. And not patrolling. Which was an uncommon, if not impossible conjuncture.

The past finally caught up with her.

“Y/N?!” Dick noticed her outside and opened the window, holding back the instinct to just jump outside (from 3rd floor) like an acrobat he was. “Y/N?! What are you doing here? Are you ok?”

“No…” she sobbed “No, I’m not okay…” she finally broke down in the middle of the night, on the empty street.

“Damn!” a few minutes later Grayson was downstairs holding her for dear life. “It’s okay. It’s okay. Whatever happened, you are safe with me now, I promise.”

She couldn’t hold back her tears anymore. Crying from fear and stress and helplessness.

“Shhh… come on, let’s get you upstairs and cleaned up. I got you.”

When Dick was slowly guiding her to his apartment, the same predatory red eyes were focused on the pair and the sudden need for vengeance sprouts buds, growing roots deep into the long-petrified heart, crushing down the ice it was covered with.

No one was going to take her away from him this time.

@vaniasagitaa @gone-batty-fics @astrelz @not-herexo @deans-spinster-witch @calicocat45

[samantha-chicago]

Proposal

Request: Hi there! Would love to put in an eddie diaz request please! Eddie proposes to reader. Eddie knows he wants to do it and has a ring ready and a plan or he has the ring but just sees a perfect opportunity and takes it? Then they maybe celebrate after?? Thanks 😊

Pairing : Eddie Diaz x Reader

It had been a horrible call, and the whole station knew about it. Everyone felt it in different ways. Many just stayed quiet, some going to the gym, but Eddie walked to his locker and stared at the little velvet box on the inside. Buck walked up behind him, placing his hands on Eddie’s shoulders. 

“You’ve still got that thing?” Buck 6 over his shoulder, and Eddie nodded

“I’ve just never found the right time to do it” He sighed, sitting on the bench and shutting the door to hide the ring box again. 

“Eddie. Do it now. God knows both you and Y/N, and well, everyone else in this station needs a little cheering up. You’re perfect for each other. You’ll never find a perfect time if you keep waiting” Buck shook his head, and Eddie looked over with a nod getting up. 

Meanwhile, you were sitting upstairs sipping on a cup of coffee to relieve the stress from the call. Hen, Chimney, and Bobby sat off to the side. Eddie rushed up the stairs and over to you. You looked over as he took the coffee cup out of your hands, exciting a whine from your lips. 

“You can get your coffee back in a minute, baby. I promise I just need to borrow you for a minute” He smiled, and you nodded, getting up and following him back down the stairs. Eddie walked you both to a hidden space behind the firetrucks where not a single person could see you no matter how busy it got. 

“Why are you down here? You’re not planning on killing me, are you?” You joked, and he shook his head.

“I’ve been fighting about this for ages. Buck finally talked some sense into me, and I figured no time like the present” You frowned, looking at him

“It definitely sounds like you’re about to kill me” Eddie held your hands, looking into your eyes. He gently placed a kiss to your knuckles before getting down on one knee. Your frown deepened as he dropped one of your hands and reached into one of his many pockets and pulled out the small velvet box. 

“Eddie, what are you doing?” You asked as he looked up at you, his hands shaking as he did. 

“Of course I will” You smiled as he slid the ring on your finger. He stood up, hugging you tightly as your lips pressed together for a long kiss. 

“I love you so much, Y/N. You’re the love of my life, and Christopher loves you, which also pushed my decision towards doing this because Christopher is everything to me. Well, joint number one because no one can ever beat Christopher. Now I’m blabbering” You smiled watching him.

“As I was saying. You’re the love of my life, and there’s no one else I would ever want to spend every day of my life with, and today after that call just helped me realise that even more. Y/N L/N I want to spend every day of my life with you, and I love you so much. Will you marry me?” He asked, and your hands covered your mouth as you started to tear up. You always proud yourself for not crying on shift 

✰✰✰

Later that night, everyone was gathered into Bobby’s house. Bobby cooking on the grill, May, Harry, Denny, and Christopher running about and playing with each other as you sat on Eddie’s lap. His hand wrapped around your waist and head resting on your shoulder as everyone talked. Music quietly played in the background as everyone sat talking. Your hands played with Eddie’s hands as you spoke to Maddie, who was cuddling Jee-Yun, who was happily falling asleep in your arms. 

Sat imagining how that could be you and Eddie in a few years. Christopher is off playing while you’re sitting cuddling your baby and Eddie at the same time. 

“Are you okay, baby? You’ve gone quiet?” Eddie asked quietly, pressing a kiss to your neck just under your ear. You nodded quietly, turning your head to place a kiss to his lips 

“Just imagining our future together” you whispered against his lips, and he smiled 

“Oh yeah? What does that look like?” He asked 

“Christopher off playing, us sat cuddling each other and our little baby” You smiled 

“You want a baby?” He asked, and you nodded 

“Of course I do. Do you?” You asked now just realising that the topic had never come up before

“I’d love to give Christopher a sibling” He smiled, pressing yet another kiss to your lips. Your hands wrapped around his neck and softly played with the hair at the nape of his neck. The perfect way to end the day. 

Taglist

@halsteadbrasil @marvelmenarebeautiful @certifiedwootiny @oliviah-25 @Dreamsingr @Scaramou @tringeorge

[bloodywings]

night remedy

CW/TW!!!: self-doubt, feeling undeserving, I think this counts as anxiety, reader has a breakdown, hurt/comfort, deprecating thoughts. kiribaku x reader, bakugou doesn't talk too much, low-key semi-deaf bakugou, takes place in the future

2.7k words

Gender Neutral, plus size and POC friendly!!

I think that's all! please let me know if i missed anything!!

a/n: I started this in September while I was having a breakdown lmao

anyway, thanks for clicking! enjoy!

“2:25” the red numbers of the alarm clock in front of you read. It was becoming too late to sleep by the second. But sleeping was the last thing you could do.

The room was almost silent. The definition of white noise was blaring throughout the room you were in. The soft blow of a fan that was practically always on. The rustling of a plastic bag, barely blowing in the soft wind the fan let off. And two soft sets of breathing. Your lovers lay next to you, Eijirou on the opposite side of you, and Katsuki in the middle.

This became a regular thing within a few months of the start of your relationship with them. A small disagreement ensued. Bakugou had been upset because he rarely got to sleep in the middle. You and Kirishima had both assumed that he wouldn’t have wanted to be. His quirk made him hot very easily, so two sets of body heat didn’t seem comfortable. That’s what the two of you thought anyway.

Turns out the blonde doesn’t like when decisions are made for him.

He had begun thinking that the two of you loved each other more than him. And he snapped one day. Only to be extremely flustered when he realized the truth of the situation.

You and Eijirou still tease him about it every once in a while.

Usually, the memory made you smile. But the weight in your heart made it practically impossible to do so.

A soft stirring from your blonde lover snapped you out of your trance. His arm is placed in a different place around your torso, attempting to get comfortable and stay sleeping. His stirring caused the red-head attached to him to stir a bit as well. but still, both remained sleeping.

The blonde’s breathing was the most prominent of the two. Blowing directly in your ear. But Kirishima might as well have been next to you anyway. His soft snores filled the room, usually, it was like music to your ears.

Usually? Yes, those soft snores have lulled you to sleep on many occasions. Now? You couldn’t focus on the soft breathing of your boyfriend if you wanted to. The dark thoughts were the thing keeping you awake. You took another glance at the clock, “2:41” the red numbers blared at you.

At that moment, you wished that the red hue would swallow you whole. Practically begging for it to take you somewhere where your head was empty, not a single thought. And the only thing surrounding you was the love of the two boys laying in your bed.

“y’know, one day they’re going to get rid of you?” the voice in your head whispered. The same one that had been torturing you for the past few hours. “one day they’re going to realize that you are of no use to them, and then they’ll leave you.” “Shut up” you inwardly groaned. “you’re only saying that because I’m right, they’re going to go off and be happy, without you”

Logically, you knew they loved you. They wouldn’t be with you if they didn’t. But your brain couldn’t help but scream about how worthless you were. How they would be better off with just themselves. Or maybe even a different third person.

Someone that's not you.

You could feel tears well up in your eyes at the thought. But crying was not a good idea right now. The heaving of your chest might wake up your explosive lover lying peacefully beside you.

So you pulled the blonde’s arm from around you slowly, so as to not wake him. You succeeded, walking slowly to the door. Just trying to go to the living room of your shared apartment to cry, and then come back up as if nothing happened.

But just as you opened the door a groggy voice called out to you. “Where you goin’?” the grouchy blonde questioned. He’d probably woken up from the lack of body heat at his right side. “See, you ruin everything for them, they can’t even get a peaceful night of sleep ‘cause you're a crybaby” the voice taunted.

“I’m just gonna go and get some water,” you responded softly, turning around. whispering as not to wake your other boyfriend sleeping peacefully. “Sorry to wake you,” you mumbled. Katsuki sat up a bit, only to lay back down when the red-head let out a whine. His red eyes were piercing you, they almost made you want to break down.

“m’kay, don’t take too long,” he grumbled, snuggling himself back into the chest of his boyfriend. Which the red-head gladly accepted, wrapping his arms snugly around the blonde.

With that, you made your way to the living room. A place where amazing memories were made, it should have made you happy, but you couldn’t help but feel downhearted.

As you glanced around the room, the standard flatscreen tv caught your eye. It was one of the two that the three of you had to buy.

Memories flooded from when you got the first one. Katsuki had tried to mount the first one himself. Insisting, “You think those extras could do better than me?” And he did it, the TV even held well. He’d even boasted about it, claiming “you idiots should stop doubting me.”

Bakugou ended up eating his words two days later

You had all arrived home at around the same time. Just happy for the day to be over, the gruesome hero work had taken a toll on the three of you.

Only to walk in and see the TV laying on the ground, face first. The screen completely shattered. Your explosive lover expected you and Eijirou to be angry at him. But the two of you were too busy laughing your asses off to scold him for it.

you looked around at the rest of your living room. There were a total of two couches in your living room. One three-seater, and a loveseat. Polaroids strung on the wall brought more tears to your eyes. The pictures varied from the first date you had to the most recent. Each one was dated with Eijirou’s sloppy handwriting.

The very first one was when Kirishima had finally broken down during your second year and spilled his feelings for you two. And you and Katsuki both accepted.

The three of you went on a date to the fair. And Eijirou was so excited, he hadn’t been to one since he was a kid. He was practically bouncing on the train ride there. And he dragged Katsuki and you all around the fairground. Winning prizes for the two of you left and right. From stuffed animals to keychains to a fish that he had won for you.

He wanted to win another for Katsuki, but the blonde claimed “I don’t want some stupid fish that’s gonna die in three days” He scrunched his nose up in annoyance and disgust while declining the red-head's offer. Instead, Eijirou won his boyfriend a large fish plushie, as a replacement for the fish he had won earlier for you.

While your explosive lover claimed to hate it, the stuffed fish sits up at the top of your shared closet.

The most recent one was for your 7th anniversary, it was Katsuki’s turn to plan a date. And he chose to cook and take the two of you to a cliff. Fairy lights were strung on the trees, and a large tent to fit the three of you. Simple, but so thought out. He had brought you two there with just enough time to see the sunset. And then you spent the night in the forest, escaping the city life for just a night.

Those memories are what broke you, they had made you feel so loved and yet you felt as if you didn’t appreciate it. “Do you see what I mean? you don’t even have any faith that they do love you” the voice returned, mocking the thoughts it had implanted into your head.

You found yourself sitting on the three-seater, leaning over, and softly crying into your own hands. Your thoughts running a million miles a minute. You could hardly make them out.

Over and over.

But they all seemed to agree on one thing.

That you were worthless

Every piece of sadness came down on you in waves, from feeling undeserving of their love, to now feeling guilty because they’ve done so much for you, and you still don’t have anything faith in them.

But, nonetheless, you didn’t break down, just small, silent tears, with even softer sniffles.

Though you knew it was unlikely, you didn’t want any chance of either of your lovers catching you in such a vulnerable state.

But little did you know Katsuki had woken back up, realizing you weren't back from the kitchen, and had gotten up to check on you. And much like Katsuki, the lack of body heat had woken up the sleeping giant that lay next to him.

The blonde told his boyfriend to go back to sleep, but his boyfriend refused, mumbling something along the lines of “it's too cold without you.” Or at least that's what Katsuki thought he heard. Ejirou had a habit of speaking the intelligible language when he was half asleep.

The two tired men made their way through the house, with the red-headed giant stumbling the whole way there.

Out on a mission, you lovers made their way down the stairs, passed the front door, through the kitchen, and out to where you sat, with your face in your hands

“Sweetheart?” a tired voice slurred out. You lifted your head from your hands, and through your blurry vision, you see both Eijirou and Katsuki standing in the doorway. Both of them still rubbing the sleep from their vision. The red-head was the one that called out to you.

“What are you doing out here?” Katsuki asked, making his way to you with the sleepy giant not too far behind him. As you looked up at them, Katsuki noticed your cheeks glistening in the soft moonlight that came in through the window.

“Were you crying?” Katsuki questioned. His question caused the red-head's eyes to widen slightly, fully awake and alert after hearing the word ‘crying’’. Eijirou looked at your face, noticing your wet face in the same fashion your blonde lover did.

“Why are you sitting down here, crying to yourself?” Katsuki interrogated, and while you knew that there was no malice behind his question. But you couldn’t help but flinch at his rough tone, you knew he wasn’t actually agitated with you, but his tone of voice was not helping the thoughts screaming in your head right now.

Eijirou nudged the blonde, silently telling him to shut up.

“What Katsuki means is, what's the matter sweets?” the red-haired male queried. kneeling down in front of you. And at that moment, everything came crashing down on you. Your poisonous thoughts, the lack of sleep, the guilt, all of it came crashing on you.

And before you could blink, a racking sob emitted from your chest, which caused both boys to immediately panic. More and more sobs flowed from you like a messy symphony, and to the ears of your lovers, it was like listening to nails on a chalkboard. Just the sound alone was enough for adrenaline to pump through their veins in panic.

“Hey, hey look at me, ____.” Eijirou pleaded. His heart was hammering in his chest. He’d comforted people before, but this was different, he was afraid you weren’t breathing enough with how hard you were crying. But you couldn’t obey his command, you were way too embarrassed to even think of showing your face. After realizing this, your red-headed lover asked “Is it okay if I hold you?” The small nod you gave was enough for Eijirou to pull you into his arms quickly, whispering soft “its okay”-s and “we’ve got you”-s over and over.

You could feel how hard his heart was beating and it only made you feel worse.

Meanwhile, Katsuki was no better, he sat silently, a hand rubbing circles on your back. He didn’t want to say anything that could possibly make the situation worse. He knew his attitude was harsh, and he knew he had a reputation for saying the wrong thing in situations like these. If anyone had walked in on the scene, they would think he doesn’t care. But lord knows he cares a lot, maybe even more than Eijirou, his palms were sweating, and he could feel his heart hammering in his chest, almost as if it was trying to jump out of his rib cage.

It felt like forever until your sobs slowed down to small coughs and shaky breathing. Now that you were done crying, the situation began to dawn on you. You had woken up your partners in the middle of the night because you were doubting yourself. Sadness began to fade over into embarrassment. You hoped they could just drop this, and you’d go to bed.

But unfortunately, Kirishima was the first to break the silence. “baby? you okay?” he questioned with a strong amount of hesitation. He didn’t want to cause you to break down again. “yeah, ‘m fine” you sniffled softly, snuggling further into the chest of your red-headed lover, attempting to hide from everything that had happened.

Kirishima only hummed as an acknowledgment, trying to find the words to help you. But before the words could make their way into his chest, he heard a soft mumble from you. A very muffled and almost unintelligible, “M’sorry” fell from your lips. It was so soft that Katsuki hadn’t even heard it, which was good for you, he probably would have had your head on a pike for apologizing for something like this.

“There's nothing to be sorry for baby, nothing at all,” Ejirou whispered, one of his hands coming up from your waist to rest on the back of your neck. Rubbing small, comforting, shapes into your skin with his thumb. “like I said, we’ve got you.” your boyfriend reassured, with all of the love he could muster.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” Katsuki mumbled into the crease of your neck, where his head had been sitting for a while. A small, “not really” fell from your lips before you could really think about the question.

All you knew was that the thought of speaking about your feelings was enough to make that small knot come to the back of your throat. making it borderline impossible to hold the small tears that welled in your eyes. you blinked, attempting to make them go away, but instead the small droplets were soaked up by Eijriou’s shirt.

After a small amount of silence, your red-headed partner suggested you all go back to bed. As the three of you walked back to your bedroom, well more like your two lovers, Kirishima refused to let you walk, he carried you through the kitchen, into the front doorway, and up the stairs, with Bakugou following not too far behind.

As you entered your shared bedroom, which had grown cold due to the fan being on high speed, you began to feel sleepy. you were fighting your closing eyelids when your lover placed you in the middle of your soft mattress. both men coming to lay on either side of you.

And when their arms wrapped around you, smothering you in between them, you couldn't help but feel a sense of comfort. almost as if the love they had was wrapping itself around you, but not in a suffocating way, it had just enough pressure to let you know how much they care for you.

While the love of your boyfriends couldn’t make all your problems go away, it could get you through the night. and that alone made the future seem a little brighter.

A/n: Hii, so how was it? Please let me know in the comments! If you have any ways I can improve as a writer please let me know! (remember there is a difference between constructive criticism and being rude)

Notes and reblogs are appreciated

I hope you're having a good day! And if not, I hope tomorrow is better! bye darlings <3

[evenstar]

TOKYO BABYLON FST: BOX

what's poppin TyoBabi fandom, I got a present for you

.zip File Download: DISCS 1 & 2 (109MB)

This FST is basically an in-depth run down of the collection of songs that were sung/mentioned/in the "VOL. 7/BOX" chapter of Tokyo Babylon 5, with some info about the artists and songs themselves. This, as far as I know, is the most thorough run-through of the music of "BOX" on the English web! I've divided it into two "discs", the first being the songs mentioned themselves, and the second being a few fun related extras. You can check out the second disc over on Radio Free T.Y.O, if you're interested ♥

Ginza no Koi no Monogatari

銀座の恋の物語 - "Ginza Love Story" 石原裕次郎・牧村旬子 - Ishihara Yuujirou and Makimura Junko mp3 download || youtube

The song that Seishirou and Hokuto are pouring their very souls into to perform in the beginning of the chapter. Released in 1961, this a smoky, jazzy duet typical of its time, telling the story of two star-crossed lovers, one in Tokyo and one in Ginza. It was an immediate hit, even having a movie based upon it made, starring Ishihara-san in the lead role. It's a staple duet in karaoke even to this day.

Nakanaide

泣かないで - "Don't Cry" 舘ひろし - Tachi Hiroshi mp3 download || youtube

The song that the random selector spits up for Subaru to sing, which Sei-chan subsequently picks up after sending him off to buy cigarettes/exorcise the OL. This was released in 1984, by Tachi Hiroshi, a singer and actor who became quite the sensation when he had a starring role in 西部警察 (Seibu Keisatsu; "Western Police") -- incidentally, directed by the abovementioned Ishihara-san, as you'd have it. "Nakanaide" was a hit, coming in 59th on the ORICON's 1984 top singles list. It's from his seventh album In the Mood.

Nanpasen

難破船 - "Shipwreck" 中森明菜 - Nakamori Akina m4a download || youtube

The song that the OL ghost sings. A dark and heartfelt song about a dying love, it was a massive hit when it was released in 1987, shooting straight to the top of the ORICON charts (as Nakamori-san's 17th number one hit), and has been a karaoke regular since then, just as the OL says in the chapter. Originally written and performed by the very respected Kato Tokiko for her 最後のダンスパーティ (Saigo no Dance Party; "Last Dance Party") album of 1984; she personally requested that Nakamori-san perform the song. It's been covered countless times, including by the original singer/songwriter and the cover artist themselves.

Daite...

抱いて… - "Hold Me..." 松田聖子 - Matsuda Seiko mp3 download || youtube

Not actually sung, but the OL ghost suggests she'd like to sing it next. A dramatic and emotional slice of idol pop from the Eternal Idol herself, Matsuda Seiko (who also performs "Who's That Boy", found on Single White). Released in 1987 as a promo-only single from her fifteenth studio album, 1988's Citron. Despite never being released as an official single, it's one of Matsuda's more popular songs, especially karaoke-wise. It's rather interesting that the OL picks a Matsuda song directly after a Nakamori Akina track -- the pair were notorious rivals in the 80s, supposedly even in love.

Benkyo no Uta

勉强の歌 - "Study Song" 森高千里 - Moritaka Chisato mp3 download || youtube

The song Hokuto is singing when Subaru attempts to sneak back into the karaoke box. Released in 1991, it peaked at #4 on the ORICON charts, and was remixed on Moritaka's second remix album as ザ・勉強の歌 (Za・Benkyo no Uta; "The・Study Song"). It was used as the opening theme to the anime TV series "Mischievous Twins: The Tales of St. Clare's". It's a totally gimmicky song (complete with voguing in the very weird video clip), though cheerful and catchy, so its popularity on the karaoke circuit at the time shouldn't surprise anyone. (You just know that Hokuto unironically adored this song, and drove Subaru batty by singing it at every opportunity.)

Wakaretemo Suki na Hito

別れても好きな人 - "Beloved Even if We're Separated" ロス・インディオス＆シルヴィア - Los Indios & Silvia mp3 download || youtube

The song that Hokuto announces Subaru should sing with Seishirou as punishment for being late. Another staple in the duets section of karaoke, still, this 1979 release was actually a cover. The song was released by two Toshiba EMI artists, Matsudaira Kemeko and the Purple Shadows, respectively, in 1969. In October 1975, Los Indios released a single-voice version, and in 1979 it was rearranged as a male and female duet, with some lyrics changed slightly. The song was an instant hit, and by 1980, it had sold a million copies.

[onlyhuis]

stoner!svt

their favorite forms of weed + random stoner thoughts

member — svt ot13 x reader genre — headcanons, humor word count — 1.0k warnings — descriptions of marijuana and smoking. there isn't anything explicit or suggestive in this, but my blog is 18+ so minors dni. but whether you're a minor or not, please do not take advice about drugs from strangers on the internet,, i am so unqualified and this is just a reflection of my own experiences so don't take anything here as fact. always use responsibly! notes — huge thanks to @wooahaeproductions @highvern and @gyuwoncheol for brainstorming this with me !! as tumblr's resident stoner huihui i have many more thots about stoner!svt so feel free to stop by my inbox with your ideas to chat 👀

one reblog = one joint hand rolled for you by minghao himself

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seungcheol: dab pen

big bulky man requires a big bulky pen. it hits harder and feels way more intense so he doesn’t care that it’s harder to clean. he also has a dab rig and he thinks it makes him cool and different because he and vernon are the only ones who actually know how to use it

jeonghan: weird shaped bong

he has to be Extra at all times so he has a surprising variety of odd shapes. the tentacle one on his dresser is his most interesting one for sure, but the one shaped like an arcade game machine with actual flashing lights is his favorite. he’s the king of princess treatment so he definitely makes everyone else light his bongs for him; why would he do it himself when there’s a perfectly good coups sitting right there?

joshua: fruity disposable thc pens

he’s made it his life mission to try every flavor once. los angeles is like the vape capital of the world so there is definitely no shortage of flavors for him to try. someone please pack him a normal regular unflavored bowl before all his clothes permanently smell like strawberry ice. he thinks he’s subtle but you can literally smell him a mile away, his scent enters the room before he does

junhui: literally anything

willing to take whatever you’re willing to give: you put any kind of weed in front of him and he’s gonna try it. he really doesn’t have a preference for what form it’s in, as long as he gets to do it with you <3 i can also see him trying edibles in different forms than the usual kinds, like the ones that come in a can like soda or a bag of chips. it’s hard to tell when he’s high because he’s the same amount of giggly as he always is, it’s like a 50/50 chance of whether he’s stoned or just silly

soonyoung: preroll joints

he tries so hard it’s kind of sad but also so funny. he takes one hit and coughs like he's been chainsmoking cigarettes for the last 40 years, then gets tired after 10 minutes and lays facedown on the floor until he falls asleep. he’s not invited to smoke with you anymore because he spills the bong water every single time without fail. he becomes the most giggly and cuddly person you’ve ever seen in your life; imagine drunk hosh, times ten. he sets up his tiger plushies in a circle and passes the joint around like he’s a 4 year old girl having a tea party. he starts crying if one of them feels left out so he has to count and make sure they all get an equal number of hits

jihoon: normal shaped bong

locks himself in and hotboxes the studio. he mostly does it to get out of his own head and chill alone for a while, so don’t even think about interrupting him. he’ll emerge from a cloud of smoke a couple of hours later with 2 new albums, god of light music: the sequel, and a solo for hoshi. he doesn’t let the other members touch his stuff or even know where he hides it

wonwoo: normal shaped bong (dirty)

i hate to play into the dirty gamer boy stereotype that he’s always written as… but he 100% never cleans it. it’s always byob (bring your own bong) when he invites you over because he may be with fine smoking a crusty bowl, but not everyone feels that way sorry dude

minghao: hand-rolled joints

he doesn’t trust anyone to roll but himself. he has fancy expensive organic papers that he got from an exclusive farmer's market and he treats it like an art form but honestly it hits way better when he does it so you don’t question his technique. a hand rolled joint from minghao is like a gift from god

mingyu: homemade edibles

vernon gave him a homemade rice krispie once and he swore it wasn’t hitting so he ate another one... and then passed out on the couch. after vernon gave him the recipe, mr. professional chef here decided he likes to bake them himself but somehow always ends up measuring it wrong and makes them way too strong. on accident or on purpose? we may never know. most likely both. he gets so high he can’t even stand up straight, most giggly and cuddly person you’ve ever seen #2

seokmin: cbd gummies

he takes them to relax or to help him fall asleep rather than to get super high. but he still wanted to feel included with the members who smoke so he tried to buy a cart one time but he bought a melatonin pen on accident instead and they never let him live that down

seungkwan: normal shaped bong (clean)

he takes good care of his stuff and he’s serious about it! he had a bad experience with mold once and now he’s paranoid about remembering to change the bong water. he cleans it daily and keeps everything nice and organized, and he has a bedazzled grinder because if he’s gonna smoke then he’s gonna do it in style obviously

vernon: also literally anything

he’s honestly down for whatever. he prefers smoking over edibles but he doesn’t care if it’s a joint, a pen, a bong. also depends on his mood but the majority of the time it’s whatever is the closest within reach and requires the least amount of effort

chan: 4ft tall bong

how? why does he have that? where did he get it? huh? those are all questions he doesn’t have the answers to either. it’s more of a mascot than anything; it sits in the corner of his living room like a lamp and he doesn’t even use it. he uses a regular bong the majority of the time but only because he’s afraid of breaking the sacred Tall Bong. it’s a big hit at parties

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if this made you laugh, consider leaving a reblog! i'd love to hear your thoughts :) feedback shows me that this is something people want to see more of, and knowing people like this makes me want to write more of it! thanks for reading!!

taglist | @wonderfulshinee @noniestars @onlymingyus @just-here-to-read-01 @wonuziex @enhacolor @yourfavoritefreakyhan @dkakapizzaboy @zozojella @rainyjeno @jwnghyuns @uwuheeseungie @miriamxsworld @synthetickitsune @simeonswhore @junhour @foxdaisy @98-0603 @fairybinie @anthropologymajorkpopmultistan @luvwonyy @novalpha @ronnie97b @ohmygodwhyareallusernamestaken @usari @hyneyedfiz @honestlydooetree @ktackore @k-drama-adict @valentxi @aaniag @aaasia111 @hyneyedfiz @crvs4vldtn

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[txtmetonight]

My Heart.

call summary⋆ ★  you're slowly going sour in your room

pairing *. * choi soobin x fem! reader

genre⋆ ★ heavy angst, fluff?

warnings *. * reader is not mentally okay, crude language, violence, bad grammar, pet names, suggestive?, death, derealization

call duration ⋆ ★ 2k

a/n*. * wrote this like in an hour so forgive me if it's horrible also the grammar is going to be sooo bad. English isn't my first language, soryyy, also I barely even proofread it so.....but anyway, enjoy and don't forget to reblog and comment or like!!!

taglist ⋆ ★  @kflixnet

You used to be carefree.  

But now you just spent your days locked up in your room, rotting away inside as your head churns and liquidizes into soup, gurgling up through the pits of your nose. You don’t feel real, the bed doesn’t feel real, nor do the walls but you still hold on. You feel as though you’re amidst of an angry sea, one that has the knack of producing powerful waves that hold cruel currents, dragging you up, instilling the warm sense of hope that you craved relentlessly before it plunges you deeper into the murky cold water, exploding all of your senses.  

The phone on your bed stand vibrates and you find yourself reaching for the device to shut it off. Yet the Caller ID stops you in your tracks as your eyes widen in surprise, practically choking on your spit. “Soobin?” You murmur, lifting the phone to your face, blearily and morbid lights blinding you for a moment, but you’re impatient, and you yearn to see his name once more on your screen, so choke down the pain in your dilated pupil, and you let your dangerously weak fingers dangle over the answer button.

Your guts churn inside, and you’re about to puke...the room is spinning, and you’re being suffocated but your eyes don’t tear away from the phone, staring at it with such great marveled eyes, lungs taking in less oxygen than it needed each time you let air through. “Soobin, why am I crying?” You ask, and the screen goes back to its wallpaper; a selfie of you two. Hands strung around his back, he smiled goofily into the camera, lips puckered into your cheeks as if you were on the verge of passing out from exhaustion, eyes lidded with sleep.  

Smiling is hard, you conclude, and your ears are bleeding heavily. The phone rings again and you’re plagued by its annoying noise that can’t seem to shut up. You tried everything, silencing your phone, turning off your ringer, throwing the device against the floor, followed by Mr. Carrots but you quickly found yourself either picking up the phone with the utmost care, turning your phone right back, or even clicking the switch that allowed to music to emit.

You wonder how your phone hasn’t died from the number of scars you’ve given it just now. Soobin. Soobin. Soobin. Soobin. It was like you were going crazy! Why was he calling you? You shriek against your pillow, letting drool seep from your mouth while you bite your tongue hard enough to make it bleed, and you savor the sweet metallic taste that coats your mouth. Turning around in bed, you shut your eyes in hopes that everything disappears, that the phone disappears, that you disappear. Not that it already happened. You were nothing and will never be from the depth of your pounding heart; not without Choi Soobin. 

“You’re so astoundingly pretty” Someone familiar mouths into your skin and you feel the butterflies arise in you again, so fierce but lovely as it flaps against the inner lining of your throat, almost rendering you speechless. Blonde hair as the snow, he was utterly beautiful for this world. He was show-stopping, heart-pounding, beautiful. His lips were always pillowy soft, tempting you to be a little selfish a steal more kisses than needed, not that he ever minded. “More you, love” You retort, spinning around in his arms to face him. His bright eyes never wavered from yours and every single fucking time, he always looked at you like you hung the stars, like you were his whole world. “Stop lying, pretty girl!”

He stumbles, pulling you closer and leaving heart-shaped kisses all over your body, not stopping until every inch of your skin is covered in his love. He held passion, a burning passion that burnt your skin until you were numb, yet it was addicting. It was poisonous. “My pretty girl” Soobin sighs against your lips, before tenderly taking your cheeks into his warm palms, tugging on your lips onto his, longing for the warmth that followed, swooning over the feeling of you while his fingers roam around your body. And that very night, he made him yours and yours as his. 

You’re awakened but this time when you flutter your eyes open, it is late at night and sweat pours through your body. Groaning over, you quickly realize that the phone has plucked you out of your slumber and you start panicking once more. Your hands shiver towards the phone, as you pick it up again, tears welling up in your glossy eyes. Your resolve was starting to crack faster than you thought. Heart beating fast enough to break through its cage, your fingers drift onto the accept button and you gasp once you come back to sense, lip bitten by your teeth.

You hope–no prayed that no one answered. That this wasn’t real, but it was...it was as real as it gets. You think. You don’t know. Or maybe you do. You also think you’re clinically mad. But when you hear your name whisper through the speaker, your brain dies for a second and then comes back alive. Jolts of electricity travel through your veins and you feel like you are flying. “(Y/n) ...sweetheart?”  

“Soobin?” You cry, and you swear you could hear his heartbreak on the other side. You imagine him in his bed, cuddling Mr. Carrot’s sibling; Mrs. Rabbit to death, having it choke on his iron grip. You want to scream so badly until your lungs give out and vocal cords snap, but you can’t. “Hey love, I just wanted to drop in and say that I’m sorry...and that I’m outside your door right now.” The phone drops to the floor in shock, the clatter echoing against the walls. “No, you’re not” You rasp, trying to make sense of the situation but your idea is deflected when you hear knocking on the door. Hesitantly pulling back the covers, you slide onto the floor, and you’re unable to even look up from it, rather your eyes follow the ridges that slither.  

Unfortunately, the cold doorknob was in the clutch of your fingers, threatening to turn to let in the love of your life. You rethink your decision, but it seems that your hand had a mind of its own, and the knob twists without you knowing about it, letting a gust of wind in. “You’re unhappy.” A voice sweet as honey drips down your spine and you shiver uncomfortably against it, furrowing your eyebrows when you meet the dark eyes of your lover, knees shaking and ready to give out. “You’re also crying” He chuckles, leaning closer to your face to wipe away fallen tears, but in the name of irony, you notice the angelic drops coat his cheeks too.

He was too pretty to be crying. “You too” You quietly whisper, breath barely ghosting over the swirling breeze as you let him in, closing the door right behind him. “(Y/n)” he sniffles, pulling you closer and you reel into him for a second expecting the safe warmth he gave out, only to be stuck against a walking refrigerator, cold as ice cubes. “I can’t stand seeing you like this, weeping over me!” He sobs, falling into your arms, and you finally, let out too, dropping to the carpeted floor with a dull thud. “Then why did you leave me?!” You mumble, afraid to close your eyes, clawing him harder, as you break his skin, but he doesn’t even flinch, instead he sinks into it even more, relishing you. “I had no choice, I tried, I really did.”  

“Well, you should’ve tried harder” You harshly spit, before you breakdown into his arms, liquidizing into him as a whole. “I’m so sorry baby” He babbles, “I miss you so much, I can’t even–I feel like I’m being dragged through the pits of hell–it’s so bad baby. Please make it stop! Please!” Pulling away from him for a second, you slam your lips against him, and it feels just right, just like old times. “Then stay with me,” You say, not leaving him a second to respond, because you’re scared of his response. You’re scared that he’s going to leave again and leave out to decay with skin peeling off your bone as you left to survive off your own emotions, regurgitating them when you digested them all, repeating it all over again. “I need to, I’m so sorry.” He presses his forehead against yours, smiling with your lips. “You will?”  

He nods into your skin, “I’ll stay” He declares before he drags his palm up to your chest and lays it over your heart while his other hand pushes you down, where he lays down on you, head over your heartbeat. “I love you so much” You whimper, threading your fingers through his hair. “I love you so much fucking more, I can’t even express it” He sighs contentedly, closing his eyes, snuggling into you. “And I’ll always be there with you, even when you don’t even know” He mutters, but you’re long gone into another round of slumber, so he decides to wrap his arms tighter against your figure. 

The light cast across your face startles you awake, but this time you’re happy and more in love than ever. The weight from before has lifted, but that was casual, Soobin had always had his eyes open before you and he was probably in the bathroom. Moaning in pain, you stretch to your feet, as you twirl joyfully, padded feet. “Soobin?!” You call out, expecting a response but when you don’t hear a thing, your grin widens. He was just hiding from you! So, you call out his name several times, chanting it like a prayer while you turn your whole apartment upside down. “Hey baby, where are you, this isn’t funny anymore” You wail, sulking like a toddler before you tumble into your own room, the last place you didn’t check. “Soobin seriously, you’re getting me worried!” Your hands softly brush against your bed, then slide against your table before they stop along a pair of documents. Your heart is suddenly stuck in your throat; you struggle to breathe when you bring the paper to eye level.  

Choi Soobin was pronounced dead at 5:53 AM.  

Your feet roll underneath you, so you hit your head against the sharp edge of the table, cutting the skin in a straight line. “What the–” You laugh, bringing your shaky hand to your cut, smearing it over your finger, trying to distract yourself from the pain that was starting to well inside your heart. The same pain that was poorly buried. And right when the first drops contact your skin, your heart jitters and it feels horribly painful, as though you were being burnt alive. You swiftly wipe away your tears, and you crane to gaze at the picture of your fiancé, happy smiles, nothing else. You despised yourself in that portrait. You looked so happy in a situation such as this, you were supposed to feel guilty, so why were you smiling in that picture?  

Would you have stopped grinning so alienated if you knew what the future held for you?  

“I hate seeing you cry so much; it feels like someone poured acid all over my face like I was being burnt with hot oil!” He says, into your ear, after one night where your hurtful words were thrown around. 

Lips parting, you gasp into your fingers, clutching your left breast.  

“Choi Soobin, you’re in my heart aren’t you” You pant, as you memorize how his hands felt against you, where he placed his fingers, and how he promised you that he would stay. Your other arm tucks itself into the hold of your left arm, holding it down where Soobin held you–in that dream.   

That car crash was inevitable, and so was the death that came along with it, but with Choi Soobin placed in the safety of your beating organ, maybe everything will be fine! 

Or maybe you should rip out your heart instead.  

[captainzigo]

since I have been making my little pony comics for the past few months, I have basically forgotten what every single one of my duckverse comic prompts means. I had a big list full of one sentence prompts for duckverse comics that I was going to make, and I was reading through it yesterday, because I thought about making one. I was surprised to find out that I have no idea what any of them mean. instead of just deleting the list, I have decided to share with you. For what good it will do you. Think of this as a little shout out to the people who followed me for duckverse content. i havent forgotten about you. it’s also a little peek in my twisted mind. my horrible creation process. a behind the scenes look from hell. the list of prompts is below the break

max college fund

launchpad rescue hero

costco 22¢ per bite

house of mouse

door to darkness

because i’m hispanic?

donald cousins catch and release

fish wife

the greatest skateboard trick in the seven seas

backyardagins movie

evil versions boy band

gladstone gay moms

the poor part of town

private army of freaks vs my boys

you own the town. you are politics - what do you think taxes are for - not gladstone bail - id be doing everyone a favor

kids table is great actually

donald cry gold swim

beautiful gold moon

villains table

these lovebirds

gladstone can’t read

gladstone hyper specific thrift store shirt

louie seeing anyone right now?

managed my uncle’s finances

june dolls episode

may louie webs spy episode

house of mouse christmas hdl want to come

propeller cap start to turn. big wind. its a helicopter landing. thanks babe

double gay batteries

daisy likes donald snoring

if you can understand anything he says then yeah!

sora. quack pack. bald monkey

i respect your pronouns. i dont not respect YOU scrooge

why are you friends with my rival’s girlfriend

we’re sisters now too???

The dancing hacker - do you know how hard it is to lucid dream

are you guys playing dancing hacker?

how did you do that? Those dice were rigged i mean.

you guys were supposed to prepare a musical number every session

Lady in pink but with a knife

girl boss? No girl lady. But not a girl.

sephirof at the door. never seen Donald that serious in my life.

I have a superhero alter ego - like super Grover?

louie x robin the frog

daffy: i’m getting you a job in Hollywood, kid! You gonna make big times. Why? uh… i’m friends with your mom.

Duckburg community college is the only community college that does dance scholarship

duckberg community ducks, and the Duckburg University geese

in helicopter: you ever going to get tired of having our dates like this? no never.

donald take responsibility for our son! panchito what

babe your costume is terrible. why are you still in a sailor hat

tasha austin gay lesbian solidarity

hey webby! *glittery hands*

webby diary

shake for trust? glitter on hand. body slam

why did t you tell me your girlfriend is a pilot? tasha said i shouldn’t tell you because of what happened to you pilot ex. he’s still alive!

pablo: sleeper agents be like time for my next mission

CHRISTMAS GIFTS

WHATS UP T-BOYS?

donald’s boyfriends what does gladstone have against gay people

donald you should wingman for me. i thought you were gay

dugan duck is your secret kid isn’t he

huey ponytail

donald has three boyfriends why can’t i have two

woops i mexed up their super powers - let’s go, t boys! i didn’t make them trans! they were like that before, right?

your brother donald has like five partners. yeah and i’m not my brother donald. you’re right. i should date your brother donald

dewey damn girl your ass phat what are your pronouns. katy nun/ya

tying normie trans girl to a chair turbo pablo

don’t worry. the promise ring is just a tracking device

punch buggy gets steadily more and more violent

dewey’s many licenses

duck twins cobwebs

beaks: help! #911

katy can not entertain in her tiny trailer

uno gaydar donald i finally give you a job and you’re being gay on the clock??

when mom comes in and you have to hide your DS under your pillow

HDL Tulin

HDL chart

[thehotelpod]

ONE MORE WEEK OF DOUBLE STUFF OCTOBER LETS DO SEASON 5 OF IZZY'S EPISODE ART

5.1 Merp and Burble

Our first Big Named Event arc! "BEHIND THE CURTAIN" which I'm almost certain I picked because we could do this cool ass curtain frame device. Izzy continues to bring the pain here with photo bashed curtains, a modified Madam Hotel horrifyingly cartooning about like bugs bunny to reveal our almost Trevor Henderson-like trail cam timelapse photo of Merp. He also gave me a number of color options on this one, maybe we'll have a section in The Guestbook Vol. II of bts sketches? I'll ask Izzy. This one holds a special place in my heart because Merp is, as devotees will recall, just Scary Slar.

rest of the season under the cut! (it's long, you've been warned)

5.2 It Watches and It Smiles

look! The curtain connects at the top! It's gonna be one long picture!

This monster was actually based on a 3 foot tall hard foam statue we had in our house growing up. It is actually scarier looking than you are imagining, made every one of my cousins cry, and is not only something I had nightmares about but also one of the main reasons so much of my horror is "something weird is Over There but looking at you". Full disclosure, one of the reasons I put this monster in this episode was so that Izzy would have to draw a postcard of it and maybe someone would recognize it and tell me what the hell it is because I have not so much as a single photograph of it. BUT then Izzy showed me this drawing, which almost completely hides the monster but it's just so so good I couldn't pass it up. The implied shape and DYNAMITE bloody palm fronds make this look so much like a 90s book cover I fell in love right away. We always try to keep those season and episode numbers in the postcards now too, but I think we forget sometimes?

5.2 Nothing Can Kill That Which Glowers

LOOK AT THIS ONE. Madam Hotel rotting in the reflection of the bubble (she was supposed to show up more in those episodes and sort of be in the process of rotting but she ended up being a single light instead.), I'm crazy about the Owner here, Izzy loves to always keep a little monster in the mix when he draws the Staff. And miss Manager POPS like an 80s music video. Lot's of subtle layers and textures here that can get overlooked, but just like the lake the Owner sinks into, it deepens the longer you linger (did you find the episode number?)

I also like to remind everyone that 'That Which Glowers' is the Grimace and this episode title is a reference to the Clerks cartoon.

5.4 We Are...Watching You...

But are you really LOOKING at it? Do you SEE Izzy's MIND? Lined up you get back to back Managers mirroring each other as well as Madam Hotel in the wings of the now completed curtains--these doubles ALSO frame what is hopefully implied to be the Lobby Boy's hand reaching for his Manager. All of this duality and connection not only reinforces what we know about the characters and show already but set up beautifully the new mirrors about to arrive...

5.5 The Bellhop

THERE SHE IS! There's my goblin girl. You get the bloody vision of the Hotel as Hop sees it as well as the framing for a triptych of the New Crew, each on their own floor. The New Crew stands apart from the Staff in that they have canonical designs immediately, so there tends to be less variation on their fan designs. However there was like ONE WEEK or so before this episode dropped where people were drawing Hop ALL KINDS OF ways. She's one of my favorite designs Izzy's done for the show and I think it's partially because she looks a little like ET.

5.6 The Concierge

Shut up. Shut UP. Look at those colors. Look at that face. Look at those shoulders. Look at those colors! THE COLORS DUKE! THE COLORS!!!! and those printing spots breaking up the lines, all layered over starlight?! It should be, at this point, very hard for Izzy to outdo himself but...he just keeps on outdoing it. We jump down a floor here and the Concierge has slightly more brick surrounding him than the Bellhop did so my pattern recognizers in the crowd can probably guess what's coming next--

5.6 The Auditor

It's been pointed out that Aud has gotten the most detailed description of the main characters on the show. I try to always keep it vague so everyone can imagine whatever they like , but the Auditor is so weird I just wanted to play a little. I saw this scary looking, lonely monster begging to be seen in all white surrounded by nothing. Even the brick and mortar of the Hotel doesn't seem to want to be around her much. One thing I love about Izzy's work is how well he combines whimsy and fun with actual scary imagery. She looks really scary. That is a scary looking monster he drew.

I also think she kind of looks like this alien from Star Trek IV (hey look Star Trek showed up)

5.9 Tenaj Druh - 004 Moor

Oh how I wish I could have a full set of New Crew postcards from Izzy seeing season 1 from a different perspective (for that matter I'd love a full set of season 1 from Izzy, but one thing at a time). Getting to not only see Janet Hurd, but see the NEW CREW checking her in is so so exciting. And the Manager's TV's re-imagined as giant bloody eyeballs is expressed to it's grossest perfection here. Even the Goosebumps frame is tinted sickly green. (the rest of the season also has Goosebumps frames but I'm trying to show off Izzy's art I want you all to have a good look)

5.10 Tnurb Yrrah - 002 Moor

this one's bonkers. The Hubble's ultra deep field on the left, brains on the right but both halves of one face with the broken illusion between them that is just the building of the Hotel herself?? It's got poster folds and teeth for doors! This is a really stunning one that I feel like deserves a little more attention than it gets. Also maybe I spoke too soon on the Goosebumps frame, I don't...this one doesn't have one but maybe I just saved that file somewhere weird.

5.11 IT'S NEW YEARS EVE, JUDY BLASHY!

This is i think the first one we did that had a Goosebumps frame baked in. You can see the 5 and 11 on the clock give us our season and episode number, but that gets a little lost on the printed version so here it is in all it's glory. Love to get to see Judy here her FACE is so EXPRESSIVE and sharp. Notice how Izzy does NOT draw her with a gap tooth. Is that gap battle damage, or some aesthetic flourish the Hotel likes for her bodies? You'd have to ask Izzy. Also love getting to see him draw the things in her furnace room, which are like huge and imply a much larger elevator inside the box. Always reinforcing that boundaries and rules do not apply at the Hotel

they are also based on the family from Mac and Me

what the fuuuck?? why are they so scary??? why are they like that?? why did they make this movie this way?? I was a child!

5.12 The Reaper's Envy

Finishing up the season is this gorgeous party poster that would be right at home in the 90s. Other than the colors (THE COLOR!) I want to point out the confetti that breaks out of the border that also quietly includes some vermin (all up top, letting your eye drift down to the New Crew being reflected in what hopefully everyone assumed was Judy Blashy's eye. Of course we know now who's eye that is and what it's connected to (nothing its nothing it got cut out)

And that's season 5. Now we have entered the @filthyguts desert and must wait once again for the rains to return. I've got new ideas for season 6 that are gonna completely change how we do the art for the show and maybe we can even squeeze some button designs out of him when we launch the next wave of stuff we're launching.

I've said it before and I'll say it again and again and 100 more times, but Izzy's art is a hugely important part of the show, a source of inspiration not only to the fans who listen but to me myself (especially in my lower moments) and I am so so happy that his art and his style has come to define the show.

[crumblinggothicarchitecture]

Honestly, what did I even listen to with TTPD? One long commercial? Her spilling her ego all over my speakers?

I just cannot believe how derivative TTPD is... and how she's calling it the most honest form of poetry,

The songs are either modeled after TikTok trends/ youth slang, or just her name-dropping other famous people.

She's doing this on purpose. It doesn't make sense otherwise, because it's just so inartistic. I'm sorry but the phrase "down bad crying at the gym" is supposed to be artistically moving?

Are you joking?

Don't even get me started on Fortnight. Obviously, the Fortnight challenge was huge a few years ago.... and what does Taylor Swift do with the first single? hmmm.... could it be that she made a fortnight challenge.... hoping to also go megaviral on TikTok.

Honestly, I'm pretty sure she thinks her audience is stupid... or that they are children.

Not to mention "Imgonnagetyouback" clearly copied Olivia Rodrigo (who has a young audience, clearly Swift is desperate to keep the focus of the youth)

It's just such a blatant way to key into viral moments in order to inflate her own music sales/ streams/ platform.

It's not art.... it's business.

Any attempt at art, either through metaphor or clunky prose is obfuscated by oddly placed recalls back to pop culture internet trends... The metaphors don't land either because they are internally contradictory to other phrases. Also, don't get me started on the sheer number of grammatical errors throughout the songs. Does every phrase need 57 prepositions? no! Does every phrase need to be a run on sentence? no! Did she even notice the subject verb disagreements? no? You're telling me not one person with an English degree works for Taylor Swift as an editor?

Come on man.

[k111lemall]

You Can Be My Silver Springs ⭐️ James Hetfield X Fem! Reader

“You’ll never get away from the sound of the woman that loved you.”

warnings: ANGST AND FLUFF (finally), James is kind of an asshole at some points and makes reader cry (multiple times)

word count: 1,828

1990

“And the winner, for best rock vocals from a woman is…” the announcer began, you couldn’t stop fidgeting with your hands in your lap. The announcer flipped the top of the card and then brought their mouth back to the microphone.

“Y/N Y/L/N!” they yelled into the microphone. Cheers and applause filled the room as you stood up. Your hand covered your mouth as you tried your hardest to hold back your tears. You hugged your friend and your music producer and grabbed the bottom of your dress as you began to walk to the stairs of the stage.

Once you got up on the stage you walked over to the announcers and hugged them as they handed you your Grammy. You walked over to the microphone and wiped your tears before starting, “Hi!” you said into the microphone and laughed nervously, your voice beginning to shake.

“I am so honored and grateful to accept this award, this journey has been filled with dedication, passion, and countless hours of hard work. I share this award with my fans - who I wouldn’t be up here without, my amazing team who believed in me from the start, and every single woman who has paved the way in rock music. This award is not just mine; but every single girl or woman out there who dared to rock and break barriers. Thank you so much for this incredible honor!” You said and smiled, the applause and cheers began again. You looked out into the crowd and noticed him, standing, cheering, and you thought you could see a…tear?

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

December, 1986

“Was I just a fool?”

“You play the guitar?” a man’s voice asked you. “Yeah! I have been since I was a little girl,” you replied, looking up from the strings and your eyes widening.

“Hey! You’re that guy from that one band!” you snapped your fingers trying to remember the name. “Metallica?” he asked “Yeah! Your name is James, right?” you asked and he nodded “Yeah! You are…?” he asked and held out his hand for you to shake it “Y/N! Y/N Y/L/N.” you said as you shook his hand. “That’s awesome. You make music?” he asked “I would like to, but you know - no one takes girls seriously in this field.” you said and laughed awkwardly.

“Yeah, as shitty as it is to admit.” he said and smiled. “Hey! I’m going out for drinks with my band and producer later, you should come with me and I can introduce you to him!” James said “Really? That would be awesome!” you replied “Great! Give me your number and I’ll call you with a time and place.” he said. You grabbed a pen and looked around for a paper but James eventually just held out his palm and you wrote your number down on it.

“Thanks! See you later James!” you said and waved goodbye and James walked down the hall into a small room, “Don’t mention is Y/N. See you later!” he waved and walked into the room. The door closing it behind him.

⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️

January, 1988

“So what did the people at the studio say?” James asked as he reached into the fridge to grab a beer. “Said that he liked it - asked me to change some of the lyrics so they were ‘softer’ Guess he thought they were too heavy for a girl's song,” you said and sat down on the couch.

“What the hell? Those lyrics were fine.” James said as he walked over to the couch and sat down closely next to you. “It’s fine James, he said that me and him can work together to come up with something. He also said that it shouldn’t affect the album release date.” You said and looked over at James. He set his beer down on the coffee table in front of the couch and brought his hand to your arm and rubbed it. “This is gonna be your big break baby, just make sure that you like it and that you’re not just going with what he says because you think you have to.” James said “Thanks Jamie.” you said and kissed him.

James placed his hands on the side of your face and deepened the kiss, you slowly fell back against the couch and James sat on his knees in between your legs and kissed down your neck and collarbone. “James!” you yelled playfully “I have to go to the studio soon!” you laughed “I’ll call them and tell them you’ll be late. I’m sure they won’t mind.” He said as he looked up and smiled at you. “When I get home you can have me all you want, but I need to make a good impression!” you said and smiled at him.

James leaned back against his knees. “You’re right. Need me to do anything here while you’re gone?” James asked “No, just practice your songs.” you said and brought your hand up to the side of his face and rubbed his cheek with your thumb. “I love you.” James said and kissed you one more time “I love you too James.” you said back.

June 1988

“Why are you so mad?” you asked James, “Because you're letting him take away your dreams baby! You’re practically letting him have full control over your music!” James yelled back.

“James no I’m not! I’m a grown woman I know how to stand up for myself against him! He just makes good suggestions, so yeah, I put them down on the lyric sheet!” you yelled. “Y/N. You’re not listening.” James said and rubbed between his eyes “No! You’re not listening! He’s helping me, more than you have this whole time!” you said. James looked up at you, anger in his eyes. “I haven’t helped you?” he repeated back “I haven’t fucking helped you?” he said again, this time much louder “Without me you wouldn’t even have a music producer! None of this would be happening without me!” He yelled and slammed his hand on the table, causing you to jump and step back.

It was silent in the kitchen for a moment after that. You breathed heavily, “I’m gonna go stay at my sister’s house tonight. I think we need some time away from each other.” you said, James didn’t respond. You sniffled as you walked to your and James’ bedroom and began packing an overnight bag. You grabbed your car keys and exited the bedroom, James nowhere in sight. You assumed that he had gone onto the back porch to drink so you made your way to the front door and walked out into your car.

When you got into the driver's seat and closed the door, you broke. You sobbed into your hands and rested your forehead against the steering wheel. You thought back to when you and James had first started dating - and how perfect everything was. He knew how much your music meant to you and you could see how much his music meant to him. You thought back to the argument you had only a few minutes prior and how he was right, you really wouldn’t be here without him. You also thought about all the arguments you two had been getting into lately. It seemed like this album was tearing you apart, but it made you happy.

August, 1988

“I know I could have loved you but you would not let me.”

The album was finished. You had been doing press, preparations for your first tour, and trying to make things work with James. “James, I love you. Please, just stay and we can talk about it?” You begged as James made his way to the door. “I think it’s best if we don’t talk while we're both like this right now. I’m just gonna be at the studio workin’ - I’ll call you when I’m about to leave,” he said, hot tears streaming down your cheek.

“Please don’t cry,” James said, not even looking at you. “How can I not cry when you’re breaking my heart? You’ve changed so much lately James, I just- I don’t know.” you cried. “I’ll call you Y/N,” he said and opened the door and closed it. Y/N, your name, not the normal “baby” that he would always say to calm you down when you cried.

He didn’t call you that night.

You slept on the couch, waiting for him, but he never showed up. You cried for days, but you knew you needed to suck it up. You had two days before you left for the tour - and you wanted to see James at least one more time. You called the studio but when Jason answered he just told you that James was busy and that he would tell him to call you back and that you called. You had one day before you left, and you called the studio for the last time.

“Hello?” it was James’ voice. “James?” you asked, your heart beginning to beat faster. “Baby. Uhm. what’s up?” he asked ‘What’s up?’ you repeated in your head. “I’ve been trying to call you.” you said “Sorry, I had guitar issues and I just-“ he began but you cut him off. “I’m leaving for the tour tomorrow James. I should be gone for at least a year and a half or so, just thought you might want to know why your apartments empty.” you said into the phone sternly. “My apartment? I thought it was our apartment?” James said and laughed nervously.

“I can’t do this anymore James. I tried to love you but you just wouldn’t let me anymore,” you said as you tried to hold back the trembling of your voice. “I’ll be there in twenty minutes. Let’s just talk this out okay?” James said, sounding very nervous. “James I have to go, I have things to do. I don’t hate you so don’t think that I do. I love you, but it just doesn’t work anymore okay?” you said, your voice cracking as you choked out the last few words.

“Okay. I love you too, I’ll see you around?” he asked, his voice breaking but he tried to cover it. “I’ll see you around James.” you said “Bye baby.” James said, and the other end of the phone went silent.

1990

You walked off the stage, hugging people as you walked by them. You walked backstage and took your photo with your new award, as you stood at your table sipping on your champagne you felt the presence of someone behind you.

“I told you I’d see you around.”

[queenofadarkworld]

I'm not even in the slightest able to describe how heartbroken I really feel lately and especially today.. 😭

It all started back in December 2022 with Jin and it's still hard for me to just think about it today. Back then I already knew it wouldn't be any easier for me to see the others leave as well. I love every single one of them for all the joy, laughter, smiles and happiness they brought to us in their own unique ways. I will forever be grateful for everything they did just to make Army happy. 💜

But to be quite honest: After Jin left today is the day I feared the most. The day both Jimin and Jungkook had to say their final goodbyes. Deep down inside of me I was so scared about how they were going to take it. Then they went Live and what should I say? I was not ready for any of this. To see Jimin so emotional vulnerable, to see those tears in his eyes after all those years in which he gifted us with his beautiful laugh and smile broke my heart in more than a million pieces. And Jungkook who clearly didn't want to end his Live, who clearly wanted to stay with Army even if it's just for a few more minutes? I just.. I can't.. 😭💔

I never thought how much them leaving would really hurt me but here we are.. Here I am sitting in my living room crying not knowing how to overcome these painful emotions. Somehow I feel empty like I just lost my two best friends. I know how ridiculous this might sound to some of you but that's the way I feel anyway. 💔

For me the only thing that makes it around 0,001% easier to let Jimin and Jungkook go as well is that they at least will have each other and find themselves able to rely on each other. They will walk down this path together as the "brothers" they have been all the time before. Maybe that little thought will keep me going sometime. But definitely not today. Not after we all could see how sad and heartbroken they really were. 😔

2025. A number that for a lot of people simply means that a new year has started. A new year with both its ups and downs just like every other year before. But for Army.. For me.. 2025 means so much more. Finally we will get our beloved boys back. BTS and Army will be together again no matter in which way. No one knows in which state both mentally and physically they will return to us. But I'm sure Army will love them and still have their backs. I sure will! 💜

Army! I assume everyone of us is in their own state of pain and grief right now. But no matter how hard the time till their return might be we have to stay strong for them as they surely will stay strong for us. We owe them to stay strong. No one of us has to go through this alone. Let's stick together as one, let's help each other and let's stay strong together. We can go through this hard time as long as we do it together. For their and our own sake. 💜

Seokjin, Hoseok, Yoongi, Namjoon, Taehyung, Jimin and Jungkook. No matter what stones have been thrown into your way you kept on being strong even if it was difficult. You were able to do that because every single one of you is a strong person. But also because you fought together for your dreams and for what you all love. Music. Army. Please stay strong and keep on fighting so that one beautiful day you all return safely to us. We will be here. Patiently waiting for the day that we are able to make all of you smile and laugh out of pure happiness again. 💜🫰🏻

BTS and Army - an eternal love! 💜🫶🏻💜

[wardingoffevil]

Bobby McKenzie as a Dad

Omg this is one of my favorites! Bobby as a dad gives me brain rot. Fatherhood was meant for Bobby. I wanted to save him for last but I couldn’t wait. I finally finished this

Note: Please don’t attack me if we have differing opinions. Be respectful or don’t interact.

🧁 It was a rollercoaster ride for Bobby when his kids were born. He definitely tried to get the mom, nurses, and doctors to laugh while putting on the gown, gloves, mask, and wrapping a stethoscope around his neck. He may have tried to lighten the mood but inside he was a nervous wreck. Bobby’s a crier. He sobbed for each birth. Full on ugly crying.

🧁 Bobby wants a lot of kids, I’d say about 3-4, if not more than that. It doesn’t matter if they’re all girls, all boys, even number of both, odd number of both, he’s happy regardless. A baby around his chest, a toddler wrapped around his left leg, a seven year old putting icing on the fresh cupcakes out of the oven—that sort of chaos is Bobby’s bliss.

🧁 All of Bobby’s kids inherited his pretty freckles.

🧁 There’s no Bobby as a girl dad or a boy dad—he’s the same dad to all his kids: energetic, lovable, silly, and supportive. He’s just happy to be a dad. Period.

🧁 Bobby is the child-at-heart type of father. The type of father that loves to see his kids use their imagination, their creativity. The type of father that doesn’t see “weird” or “eccentric” kids. He sees children being children. He may be an adult, but his childlike sense of wonder and curiosity still flows through his veins.

🧁 Bobby’s eldest daughter’s named Paisley.

🧁 Chelsea designed the nurseries. Bobby helped a lot with ideas and quirks. They’re an amazing interior design team and Bobby thinks he may have a future in it if his bakery fails (it won’t).

🧁 Bobby has no problem at all checking on the baby during the night. He knows the drill. Even if he gets home late, even if he has to be up in three hours. He’s making sure his children are alright.

🧁 He named cupcakes after his children at his bakery.

🧁 Nap time isn’t just for kids in the McKenzie house. Bobby likes to join in because it gives him an excuse to watch cartoons and nap.

🧁 Bobby calls Gary a lot asking him for advice, telling him what curse word he taught his toddler to say, planning their next “dad’s day”, etc. They were best mates in the villa and it remained the same outside the villa. If they’re not texting, they’re FaceTiming.

🧁 You’re insane if you think each of his kids don’t get their own unique boops from him, complete with sounds.

🧁 Bobby makes all the kids’ lunches every day before school. Something different every day, too. Complete with a cupcake/cookie and a smiley face Post-It note from dad.

🧁 There’s always some kind of music playing in this house at all times, the genre varies from day to day.

🧁 Bobby sings “You Are My Sunshine” to his kids. With a guitar or without.

🧁 Bedtime stories are reserved only for Bobby. Sometimes he’ll read their favorite books, sometimes he makes the story up on the spot. But his favorite story to tell is “The Adventures of LongBob Cupcake.” He tells the kids that it’s based on true events.

🧁 The McKenzie’s (including his parents and sister) do go to Jamaica, once a year, to visit Bobby’s nan. Everyone looks forward to it.

🧁 Bobby never gets mad at his kids for throwing parties while he’s gone. All he cares about is the kitchen not getting trashed.

🧁 Bobby’s another loud and proud dad that attends every single activity for his kids. Definitely can hear him shouting over all the other dads, and he’s always front row center when taking videos. His social media accounts are flooded with his kids’ things.

🧁 Gary, Rahim, and Noah still hang out with Bobby. Bobby loves when everyone comes to visit because it gives him an excuse to bake and to try new recipes out on them. Gary eats anything, so really he tests the recipes on Rahim and Noah.

🧁 Bobby is the father that every kid dreams of having. He’s so loving, so accepting, so supportive of his children. He is never NOT proud of them.

There are so many Bobby pages on here that are amazing, but one in particular sticks out the most: @ravenadottir (currently on hiatus), and it can be found here. There’s all sorts of information/route guides/headcanons for Bobby. She even has an amazing fic for him as well (Paisley Cuddle is a must-read if you haven’t yet). 🖤

[mysterygrl20]

My Top 9 albums of 2023

I got tagged by @blmpff. thank you 💕

I listen to mainly kpop. So i guess this is my favorite kpop albums of 2023. And my spotify is heavily tied to stationhead for listening parties so it's very biased and unreliable.

First off: Ateez and their 3 EPs they released this year stole my heart and overtook SKZ.

Halazia from Ateez's Spin off: From the Witness was a mini EP. This started my year as they literally released it Dec. 30, 2022 so I didn't add the album cover up there in the top 9. I was also still lowkey freaking out as I had got to see them in concert Nov. 2022 and they had Xikers (pre-debut) perform with them. And I watched this music video way too many times.

1. Outlaw - Ateez. This is a no skip album. I love every single one of these. Don't make me choose a favorite.

2. The World EP.FIN: Will - Ateez. I picked one of my favorite group songs off this but their unit songs are amazing: Everything- Jongho and IT's You (Yeosang, San, Wooyoung)

3. Dual - The Rose. I got to see them TWICE this year: Sept & Oct. 2023 and had a BLAST. This album is amazing. Also I really liked the album cover.

4. Rockstar - Stray Kids. Another no skip album. I got to see SKZ in March 2023 for their Maniac tour. And Mr. Bang keeps me delulu on Bubble.

5. 5-STAR - Stray Kids. [hehe fitting] Another no skip album. My number one song was obviously S-Class. Superbowl shook me to my core. And then they made me cry with Youtiful.

6. Deadlock - Xdinary Heroes. They spelled out FUCK YOU in their title song Freakin' Bad.

7. The Name Chapter: Temptation - Tomorrow x Together. I saw TXT in May 2023... It's an EP of 5 great songs.

8. Dark Blood - Enhypen. My vampires. I literally made a BL gifset to the lyrics of their song Bite Me. Another favorite: Chaconne.

9. House of Tricky: Doorbell Ringing - Xikers (and also their other EP: How to Play) I got to shanty (Tricky House) with them pre-debut. I love their concept too. Also Tricky House some how made it in my top 15 songs for 2023.

Honorable Mention:

FML- Seventeen. There's just something about this album I like.

The Name Chapter: Freefall - TXT. Solely for Blue Spring being on it.

SKZ Replay: I also hold this close to my heart as it was a christmas gift from Stray Kids in 2022. So it feels more like a 2023 album. It also has the most whiplash between songs.

Single: Dum Dum - Jeff Satur (and also Steal the Show) but also Macarena - Blitzers and Baggy Jeans - NCT U [which they also added to an album] and the eurovision winner Cha Cha Cha - Käärijä.

or title tracks like: Shalala by Taeyong or Guilty by Taemin that I want to include for reasons.

Favorite OST from 2023: Let's Try from OFTS. I listened to this every Friday waiting for the new episode to be released. And it should have made it into my spotify 2023 playlist. I almost picked MSP's cover of Tilly Bird's Just Being Friendly.

Tagging but no pressure @trashlie, @thatdamngoodlookingbutterfly, @quadruple-agent, @theteatimechronicles @tinytalkingtina @theelast-straw @aceoflights and anyone else who wants to join in.

[quinloki]

Okay honestly you’re so valid for having Sabo thoughts bc tell me why today I had the thought of like

Ace is your ex hs boyfriend and y’all ended things on good terms you just weren’t that into eachother and made better friends so you’ve stayed friends casually and like

Something happens and you end up needing to call him and he picks you up with his hot brother Sabo (or Marco passed my mind too ngl) in the car and you’re like shit I can’t date my ex’s brother… but then situations ensue and >>

I wish I was better at putting my thoughts into words so I could enable you more, tbh 🫡

(The shiny ace made it so hard for me to take pics or wouldn’t focus!!!)

Also I just dug thru all my extra cards that I’m gonna pass along to my cousins and I don’t have any Sabo?? This is a travesty I must correct.

Listen I’m so glad you’re on the Marco/Sabo train cause let’s be real. Not many people are. And I’m glad I can come into your inbox and talk about them bc I have absolutely too many brainrots with them lately.

i can see it though.

Sabo ends up learning details about you from Ace, once he admits to Ace he's interested. You and Ace had a clean break, mutual, no real drama - there was a relief to it, honestly, you were both relieved the other was okay with stepping the romance into friendship without breaking any hearts.

You missing your bus was an unexpected windfall for Sabo, when he decides to tag along with Ace to get you home. The blonde's smitten, the fact that you and Ace get along so well is probably part of it. Observant and far more detail oriented than Ace or Luffy, Sabo picks up on the fact that you're at least physically attracted to him.

He's sure he knows how the chat will go with Ace, but he asks anyway. Ace is for it - Sabo's a good dude, and Ace won't have to worry about you. Not that he can yay or nay who you do date, but as his friend he wants you safe and happy.

This got long, more under the cut!

With Sabo there's no chance you'll be calling him crying cause some jerk wad beat you up (or tried to, you've got a solid hook, much to Ace's dismay).

Sabo doesn't hold back - he's not getting down on one knee in public or anything, but he does break the ice with a single flower, his number written inside the paper bow wrapped around the stem. Putting you at ease and letting you know he's already talked to Ace about it, as long as your comfortable with it, he'd like to see where things go.

He's such a perfect gentleman it almost makes your head spin. Pulls out your chair, opens doors, helps you in and out of your coat, offers his hand when you're stepping down or up from something. Even with every fluid action, he's still right up against you in the club.

You can feel every taut muscle just beneath his clothes as you move with the music. Actions full of silk are coming from fingers that could shatter stone.

You're not going into things completely blank on him either. Ace talked about his brothers a LOT. You haven't met Luffy yet, he's finishing school abroad, sometimes his grandfather insisted on, but you feel like you already know him.

You don't know all of Sabo's secrets, but you know there's a beast beneath the tailored clothes and well-kept hats. Not that that's a deterrent in the slightest, as his club styled dancing has ballroom dancing steps woven into it, you can't help but wonder what weaves its way through his moves in other settings.

There's no rush - you enjoy one another's company on many levels and most of your dates end with a sweet kiss that grows deeper and deeper as time goes on.

When you invite him inside, you can hear the leather of his gloves creak as his fingers flex. He accepts, letting you lead the pace and vibe of the night. There's no strain in his voice, no urgent need in his actions, even though your heart's about to beat out of your chest, your own nerves making you a mess.

The smile that slips across his lips when you ask him to be a gentleman and help you out of your clothes is one you hadn't seen before, but most certainly would again.

[simsdada]

maybe this isn't the "right" place to talk about this but, using this website helped me when i was feeling down many times before and i never felt so desolate in my whole existence. T_T

my relationship is over, it lasted for four years, and i have been dealing with the feeling of dependency for a month and a half now because my partner stopped talking to me. he wasn't texting, calling or even speaking to me at all, we live in different cities and of course we were best friends, so we talked every single day, suddenly everything changed, and i was feeling awful, i couldn't sleep, i couldn't eat.

i even felt like i didn't want to live anymore. </3

these last days i actually got better, i was watching movies, trying to distract myself, and trying to learn how to love myself again, and thinking "well, this will pass, i just need to wait and respect him, we'll always be together and this will pass".

but, on this last sunday, september 26, he finally texted me, opened up and was really sincere about everything, telling me things aren't working out anymore, that it's time for both of us move on with our lives by ourselves, etc. it hit me like a damn truck. four years, four years of talking to each other, traveling together, spending months on each other's houses, the memories, everything... it's such a weird feeling, it's like a void.

i was actually dealing with it quite okay. like i didn't care. but yesterday i needed to find a picture on my phone and i scrolled to find it, and i saw all of our pictures together, there's more than two thousand pictures there. and it hadn't hit me until then; but then i realized: it's all over, forever. i'm all alone.

i totally broke down, my parents tried to help me, but i couldn't stop crying, i was shaking, i couldn't breath. i texted him, even thought we deleted each other's numbers, i still know his number of course, i asked if it's really over forever, and he replied, he said it's really forever, but that he will always love me, respect me and will be always grateful because i was the best person he has ever met.

i don't know. i really don't know how but i will have to find out. find out how to be myself again. before i met him, i was such a lone wolf, i never enjoyed talking to people, i loved being by myself in my room, playing sims all day long, listening to music and being in complete peace, i could NEVER in a million years imagine myself needing a man to "survive", but this is how i felt with him, i felt like i could die without his attention and his love.

how can i go back to being that person? how can i go back to being myself? because i lost myself years ago, i wasn't me anymore, i became "us".

i have my stuff to do, i'm in culinary school and i'm having so much fun there, i have my hobbies, i'm always trying to find a job and i know i will find one soon, i will go back to play my lovely games, i will go back to being myself, to loving myself. i need to.

i don't know if anyone even remember my posts or would like to see them again, but i need to distract myself, to learn how to have fun by myself again.

i'm 23 years old, i met him when i was 19, that was 19 years of my life where i didn't need a partner to survive, where i loooved being with my own company, i was always so independent, so i'm sure i'm capable of being that person again!

if you read everything, thank you so much. i just needed to get this out of my chest. T_T