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berjhawn · 4 years

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In My Head - CH. 6 - Law of Surprise

Warnings: arguing; fighting;

Pairings: Geralt X Reader x Bucky ; Bucky X Reader x Geralt ; Geralt x Reader ; Bucky X Reader

Summary: Girl dreams about boy, girl meets boy, chaos ensues.

A/N:This is the only chapter for today since it is so long. please let me know how you feel with a comment, like, or a reblog :D i love hearing what you guys think.

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We continued enjoying the festivities as the night progressed. Many men stepped up to offer themselves and their kingdom’s for Pavetta’s hand and I could see why. She was gorgeous, but she seemed sad. I watched her for a moment while a few princes offered themselves to her. I could tell she wanted nothing to do with any of this. I didn’t blame her.

I would occasionally meet Geralt’s gaze and I could tell he wanted to speak to me more. I wanted that too, but I knew getting to close to the queens table was a bad idea for my companions and I. Princes and lords from neighboring lands seemed too dumb to question our being at this party. I was especially annoyed of the one from Nilfgaard who talked about his potent seed. I thought Thor was gonna burst out laughing for a moment. I could tell through the Queens badmouthing of him and his kingdom that she was sowing a deep seed of hatred in the man.

Jaskier’s playing was, thankfully, a good way to enjoy the evening. If I was ever able to come back, I would have to record his voice for later.

Suddenly a commotion is heard and I turn to see someone fighting their way into the party. Thor goes to move toward the commotion and I grab his arm holding him back.

“Forgive my late intrusion, Your Majesty, and for the misunderstanding with your guards. Please! I come in peace.” The man calls as he makes his way to the spot where the other lords had previously stood vying for the princess’s hand. “I need but one moment of your time.” He kneels down before the queen and her table as he continues, “I am Lord Urcheon of Erienwald, and I have come to claim your daughter’s hand in marriage.”

The three of us look from the kneeling lord to the queen. The queen looed angry whereas her daughter looked happy to see the man.

“A knight… of no renown… from a backwater hamlet… Who dares to enter my court, without revealing his face?” Th queen replies narrowing her eyes at the man.

“I apologize, Your Majesty. A knight’s oath prevents me from revealing my face until the sounding of the twelfth bell.” The man replies and can hear the honesty in his voice.

“Bollocks to that.” A man says as he instantly moves forward and removes the knight’s helmet. The crowd, save for Thor, myself, and Wanda; gasps as the man’s appearance. He had the head of a hedgehog.

“Witcher…” I hear the queen start and I turn to see him looking at the knight. “Kill it.” Pavetta’s eyes shoot to her mother as they silently beg her to stop.

“No.” Geralt refuses.

“Whatever the price.” The queen offers.

“This is no monster.”

“I order you.” She seethes.

“This knight has been cursed.”

“You’re as useless as the rest of them.” She pauses before ordering, “Slay this beast!”

My eyes fall to the princess who has started to cry and my heart bleeds for her. A couple guards attack him, but he makes short work of them.

“Lioness of Cintra,” he calls pointing the tip of his sword towards her. “I have come to claim what is rightfully mine! Pavetta. By the Law of Surprise.”

The room erupts in whispers as Thor and Wanda look at me for answers and I shake my head. I had no idea what he was talking about. All the sudden I hear more swords be drawn and turn back to the knight to see that more guards have started to attack him. He lasts a few minutes until there are more guards than he can handle. He is suddenly knocked to the floor and I find myself unconsciously moving toward him.

“No!” I hear Pavetta cry out as a guard raises his long axe. I burst through the crowd just in time.

“Stop!” I yell out making the guard freeze in his tracks the axe frozen in air long enough for Geralt to slice it in half with his sword and then kill the guard. His eyes find mine and I could tell he was angry. The rest of the room looks at me and I slowly make my way closer to him.

When I reach him Geralt places me behind him and glances at the Knight on the ground. The knight quickly grabs the axe part of the severed long axe and stands up beside us. Geralt’s eyes find mine as he whispers, “Don’t use your gift.” I glare at him but nod.

“Kill them all!” I hear the queen yell and I instantly turn to see a guard coming at me whit a sword in hand.

I dodge right as he swings his sword down at me. I turn back to prepare for another attack to see Thor holding the man in a headlock knocking him out.

“What’s a party without a brawl?” Thor asks as he hands me an Asgardian sword. Taking it from him, I watch as he reveals another one from his side. As he unsheathes it, his eyes start to glow as lightning sparks from his hands becoming one with his sword.

“Don’t have too much fun!” I call out as I turn back to the fight only to see a lord smack another with a chair and say, “The Law of Surprise has been called. You kill them… kill me.”

I glance over at Thor to see that he had also watched the encounter and a smirk fills his lips. The room has now erupted into chaos.

“Stop!” I hear the queen call and I turn to see her with her sword outstretched towards Geralt and I freeze. “Stop!” she orders again making the room freeze and Geralt lower his sword. Him and the queen have a silent conversation with their eyes.

“Duny!” I hear Pavetta cry out as she rushes over to wrap her arms around the hedgehog Knight. His arms wrap around her as he lifts her into the air holding her tightly. “I told you to stay away.” Pavetta cries holding Duny’s face in her hands.

The queen moves closer to them her eyes focused on Duny’s visage. Duny releases Pavetta as he turns to face her. He kneels in front of her laying his weapon down at her feet.

“Your Majesty, the Witcher speaks the truth.” Duny says as he stands up, “I was cursed as a young boy. My whole life a living misery, until the day I saved your husband, King Roegner, from a certain death. By tradition, I chose the Law of Surprise as payment. Whatever windfall he came home to find… would be mine.”

“Oh, the stupid bastard. Better you had let him die.” The queen seethes anger lacing her words.

“You knew he’d come,” Geralt starts causing me to move closer to him. “And you pushed me to kill him.”

“And you,” The queen turns to her daughter turning her anger on her. “Carousing with the beast that swindled your stupid father!”

“’Tis no swindle.” The lord from before that fought for Geralt and Duny speaks as he nears the queen. “Asking for payment with the Law of Surprise is as old as mankind itself.”

“Don’t lecture me, Eist.”

“It’s an honest gamble.” Eist remarks. “As likely to be rewarded with a bumper crop as a newborn pup. Or… a child of surprise. He could not know.”

I Look over to see Pavetta take Duny’s hand.

“Destiny has determined the surprise to be Pavetta.” Eist continues.

“When I heard that King Roegner had returned to find a child on the way… I abandoned all thought of claiming the Law of Surprise. I knew… I knew no woman would ever accept me like this.” Pavetta places a hand on Duny’s chest as if to reassure him as he continues, “And so I waited… I waited until the twelfth bell when the curse breaks. I never intended to meet her. Duny assures the queen making my eyes find Geralt’s for a moment before I turn back to them. “Just to watch her from afar.” Duny adds his eyes meeting Pavetta’s as she gives him a sad smile.

“Until destiny intervened… and our hearts collided.” Pavetta says as she stares deeply into Duny’s eyes and I bite my lips as I realized she was admitting to them having premarital relations, which in this world was a big no-no.

“And at dawn, I awoke with her in my arms and me… like this.” Duny concludes making my heart hurt for the two of them.

“Who are we to challenge destiny?” Eist questions the queen as he nears her. “Life was saved, debt must be paid, or the whole order of the world falls apart.”

“Honor destiny’s wish,” A man I recognized from earlier as Mousesack speaks, “Or unleash its wrath upon us.”

“There is no us!” The queen speaks her voice low and angry. “I bow to no law made by men who never bore a child!” She yells and I nod slightly, the feminist in me agreeing with her. “Is there not a man amongst you who does not cower before destiny?” her eyes turn to fall upon Geralt. “You, Witcher. Who has known monsters of every fang and claw… are you afraid too?”

“No.” Geralt answers honestly making the queen smirk. “I’ve seen mothers lash themselves raw over the death of a child, believing they crossed destiny, ignoring the stench of the fifty other children in the plague cart outside. Destiny, helps people believe there’s an order to this horseshit.” Geralt finishes and I wince at the memory of seeing it once when I was visiting him in my dreams. “There isn’t. But a promise made must be honored. As true for a commoner… as it is for a queen.”

The queen’s sighs and I find my eyes looking down at the ground in front of me.

“I love Duny, mother.” Pavetta speaks. “I will marry him. I will finally be free.” I look back up at them as my hand finds Geralt’s free one. His fingers intertwine with mine as we continue to listen to them.

All eyes fall on the queen as she hands her sword over to Eist. Tears fill her eyes as she holds her hand out towards Duny and Pavetta. Duny takes it and as the queen pulls him in close, she whispers into his ear. “Here in your destiny.” Then she pulls away and all is still for a moment before the queen pulls a dagger from her side and goes to stab Duny only to have Pavetta scream.

“No!” She screams causing everyone in the room to be thrown backways away from her and Duny. Geralt pulls me into his side as he crashes into a pillar. The room was like a hurricane with Pavetta and Duny in the center where it was calm. The windows shatter inward, the shards of glass raining down on the fearful crowd. This was getting more dangerous by the second.

I look around the room to see everyone staring at them in fear and I glance over to see Wanda look from them to me.

“Wanda!” I call to her as I motion for her to use her powers. She nods in understanding and I watch as she creates a forcefield around the chaos of the winds encasing Pavetta and Duny along with it. “Geralt, you have to get me close to them.” I cry as the winds start to disappear from around us only being visible and chaotic inside the ball Wanda created.

“No, it’s too dangerous.” He argues making me narrow my eyes.

“I can’t hold it much longer (Name)!” Wanda cries and I can see that holding her forcefield around Pavetta was taking its toll on her.

“Please Geralt!” I beg and he nods. He grabs my shoulders and using his feet puts the against the pillar and pushes.

“Pavetta!” I cry as I near her only to have her ignore me. Wanda falters for a second the strain of holding Pavetta’s chaos at bay becoming too much for her, causing a stray piece of glass to hit my face slicing my cheek open. I wince as I feel the blood start to drip down my cheek.

“That’s enough (Name)!” Geralt warns from beside me and I feel as he tries to pull me back to safety and I shake my head anger filling my body.

“Pavetta!” I yell anger in my words. “Pavetta! Look. At. Me.” I scream out and she does. Our eyes meet and I let out a sigh of relief as I yell, “STOP!”

Pavetta and Duny fall to the floor as the chaos instantly disappears. I watch as Wanda falls into Thor’s arm completely spent. He gives me a nod letting me know that she is okay and I instantly feel my knees give out from under me. Geralt’s arms wrap around me as he catches me before I can fall. He holds me tight not letting me go.

I look up into his amber eyes to see the anger fill them. His fingers reach up to touch the cut on my face and he groans in anger. Geralt helps me to my feet and I look over to see that the queen has made it to her feet and was closing the distance between her and her daughter. Tears fill the queen’s eyes as she wraps her arms around Pavetta holding her tightly.

I look around the room to see everyone returning to their feet. Thor and Wanda walk over to Geralt and I, their eyes focused on the cut on my cheek.

“I’m fine.” I whisper to them only to have Wanda to rip a part of her dress and place it on my face.

“I thought your grandmother’s gift had skipped you… as it did me. It seems I was wrong. About so many things.” The queen says her eyes focused on her daughter. “Destiny has spoken! And I have listened. The Law of Surprise will be honored. Pavetta will marry… Lord Urcheon.” The queen announces causing the room to erupt in murmurs.

“React poorly, and you won’t just face the Lioness, you will be facing the sea hounds of Skellige. Because queen Calanthe… has agreed to my proposal of marriage.” Eist calls out causing the Queen to look at him with a smirk filling her lips.

“There will be two vows here tonight!” Queen Calanthe calls out. “I assume that agreeable.”

The lords and princes of the room nod in acceptance of her order.

“Delightful.” She adds and I smile softly. Pavetta got her love.

Wanda pulled her hand from my cheek to examine my cut and a sigh of relief leaves her lips.

“It’s not that deep, probably won’t leave a scar.” Wanda reassures making me nod.

I turn to Geralt knowing he wants to scold me but he doesn’t. Perhaps it’s because of the situation we were in, or perhaps it because of our surroundings. His hand takes mind as he holds it tightly. Candles are soon handed out to everyone. After they are lit everyone makes a circle around the queen and her daughter. Pavetta and Duny are on their knees before Queen Calanthe as they start to take their marriage vows.

“Pavetta.” She pauses as she wraps a cloth around her and Duny’s joined hands. “Duny. With my blessing. I thee bind.”

Calanthe releases their hands and they turn to kiss each other, they kiss sealing their bond, but soon after Duny barks and then starts to growl as he collapses to the floor writhing in pain. Geralt holds me back as I move to help him. We watch as he suddenly turns into a human. His quills replaced by dark curly locks. Duny smiles at Pavetta before he wraps her in his arms and kisses her passionately.

“The Twelfth bell has not yet rung.” Pavetta exclaims as she caresses Duny’s face.

“What has happened?” Calanthe asks as she stares at the two of them in confusion and shock.

“I think your blessing of this marriage… has fulfilled a destiny.” Mousesack announces a smile on his face.

“The curse has been lifted.” Calanthe breathes a smirk on her lips.

“This has the makings of my greatest ballad yet.” I hear Jaskier say from beside me and I shake my head.

“If you’re alive in the morning. Don’t…” Geralt pauses as he looks over me to see Jaskier in the eyes of a busty lady. “grope for trout in any peculiar rivers until dawn.”

I look from them to Thor who nods slightly and starts to move Wanda toward the exit. We didn’t belong here; it was time for us to leave. I go to pull away from Geralt to leave only to have him start to follow me out.

“No, wait! Wait!” I hear Duny call out and I stop in my tracks I turn back to them to see him looking at me. “You and Geralt have saved my life. I must repay you.”

I glance up at Geralt unsure of what to say when he speaks, “You’ve proven yourself to be the kind of man who would do the same for either of us. We want nothing.”

“No, please.” Duny’s eyes fill with sadness. “Please, Geralt of Rivia, and…” He pauses.

“(Name), of Asgard.” I answer gripping tightly to Geralt’s hand.

“(Name), do not feel like you’re doing me a service. I cannot start a new life in the shadow of a life debt.” Duny pleads.

“Fine. I…” Geralt starts but I stop him from continuing.

“We, claim the tradition as you have, the Law of Surprise.” I say and Queen Calanthe’s eyes widen.

“Give us that which you already have but do not know.” I add and Geralt turns starting to walk away pulling me along with him.

“No!” I hear Calanthe cry out and I turn back to face her. “What have you done? Who even are you?”

“I am (Name) of Asgard, I am gifted with the gift of persuasion. I hail from a kingdom of gold. I have no intention of ever returning to your castle to claim anything.”

“And Fear not Your Majesty, if I am seen in your kingdom again, it’ll be to kill a real monster, not lay claim to a crop or a new pup. Destiny can go fu-” Geralt’s words are cut short as Pavetta vomits on the floor in front of her.

“Pavetta?” The queen calls as she kneels down at her daughter’s side cupping her chin. “Are you…”

They all suddenly turn to look at Geralt and myself.

“Fuck…” Geralt and I exclaim in unison before we turn and walk out of the room, Geralt pausing momentarily to grab his sword from a nearby chair.

We make it to the hall where Thor and Wanda were waiting only for Mousesack to reach us and call out to Geralt.

“Clearly the girl has access to immense primal power.” Mousesack calls out causing us to stop moving.

“Yeah, and no idea how to control it.” Geralt adds from beside me.

“I’m gonna stay.” Mousesack says a smirk on his face. “Guide her.”

“You’re a good man, Mousesack.” Geralt replies a soft smile on his lips.

“You should stay too.” Mousesack adds his eyes moving between me and Geralt. “Both of you.”

“I can’t.” I say my brow furrowing.

“This has been enough partying for me. We’re getting out of here.” Geralt replies to Mousesack as his hand gripping tightly to mine.

“You both are bound to this now. Whether you like it or not.” Mousesack adds as he moves closer to us.

“I’m not for changing.” Geralt starts giving me a chance to look over at Thor and Wanda who were looking at us with looks of confusion in their eyes. “You know me better than that.”

“Yes, I do, but you can’t outrun destiny just because you’re terrified of it. It’s coming, Geralt. Not believing won’t change that.”

“Bullshit.” Geralt argues causing me to look between the two men. “This was just a girl using her magic to stop her mother from gutting her lover. Nothing more.”

“So, you say,” Mousesack starts. “But the bond that will come into being between the two of you, and this child… When it is born, will be extraordinary.”

“Child?!” Wanda exclaims from behind me causing my eyes to widen at her sudden outburst. “(Name), what did you do?”

“Can we talk about this later?” I plead causing Thor to move Wanda down the hall to give the rest of us moment.

“If you both dismiss it, leave without claiming this… Child Surprise, you will surely unleash true calamity upon us all.” Mousesack states and I feel my heart clench. I didn’t want to hurt anybody.

“I’ll take that chance.” Geralt concludes making Mousesack sigh. “Mind yourself. True words are rare birds in courts like this. Watch for daggers in your back. Or, more likely, poison.” Geralt releases my hand as he reaches up to gently grasp Mousesack’s shoulder. “Be careful, old friend.”

“Take care of the baby, please.” I add as Geralt steps away from him and starts to walk away towards Thor and Wanda. “I don’t want to cause any harm to anyone. If I had known I would never have asked for the Law of Surprise. Please, just take care of the baby. I’ll try to change his mind.”

“I doubt you will be able to change his decision. I will do what I can.” He replies and I nod.

“Thank you,” I give him a soft smile before I turn and follow after Geralt.

“(Name), explain yourself!” Wanda demands when I reach them.

“Wanda, I didn’t do it on purpose. How was I to know Pavetta was pregnant?”

“She’s pregnant? What does that have to do with you?” Wanda inquires her eyes narrowing at me.

“Her husband stopped us when we were about to leave, he wanted to repay Geralt and I for saving his life. He wouldn’t take no for an answer so… I asked to claim the Law of Surprise. Which means that he gives us that which he has but does not know.”

“And that’s a child… you laid claim to someone’s child?!” She yells out.

“I didn’t know that was what I was doing!” I reply matching her tone.

“In her defense,” Geralt intrudes pulling her attention to him. “She didn’t know, no one did.”

“Look you seem like a really good guy, but what she did was stupid. Especially knowing we are going home and not coming back.” Wanda concludes making Geralt’s brows furrow as he turns to look at me.

“Wanda, can we please talk about this later? I need to talk to Geralt. Please, just give me some time.” I beg.

“(Name),” Wanda starts only to have Thor grab her shoulders gently.

“Take your time, we’ll meet you back at the pub in the morning.” Thor offers pulling Wanda away and down the hall leaving Geralt and myself alone.

I turn back to him to see him looking down at the ground his jaw clenched tightly.

Will Continue -

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bananaofswifts · 4 years

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Taylor Swift’s folklore Dismantles Her Own Self-Mythologizing: Review

The singer-songwriter's eighth album cuts away the pop scaffolding for dark, dreamy contemplation

The Lowdown: Born of isolation, Taylor Swift’s eighth album, folklore, interrogates the pop star’s self-mythologizing and turns her gaze outward. Created during the ongoing pandemic, Swift collaborated remotely on 11 songs with Aaron Dessner of The National, who shared orchestrations composed inside his own quarantine. The results lean toward modern folk and glitchy experimentation, abandoning pop bombast but not the drama of swelling strings or anxious percussion. The accompanying visuals depict a gloomy summer, and listeners can imagine Swift watching storms barrel across the Atlantic horizon and wandering old-growth forests in half-done braids, alone or with a companion socially distanced beyond the frame. Dropped on 24 hours’ notice without her typically painstaking roll-out, the 16 moody songs delve into “fantasy, history, memory” and find Swift roaming her past loves with fresh, if tired, eyes — but also writing complex fictional scenes beyond her own experience. From a lyrical standpoint, it’s arguably Swift’s most contemplative, ambivalent, and expansive work yet.

The Good: While 2019’s Lover tried to please everyone with a wide range of half-baked genre parodies, folklore sounds like an entire album sprung from “The Archer”, the previous record’s most self-aware, unresolved, and memorable track. There are no pop-radio bangers here, but once I stopped howling “CRUEL SUMMER should’ve been a single!!,” folklore’s melodies and choruses ribboned into my ears and got tangled with my own memories.

Dessner’s influence is palpable, and his orchestration is consistently gorgeous — an unexpected tone to which Swift responds deftly. Jack Antonoff, Swift’s friend and longtime producer/co-writer, also worked on the record; though still distinctive, Antonoff clearly follows the cloud-covered path set by Swift and Dessner. Swift duets with Bon Iver’s Justin Vernon on “exile” to elegant effect; the song acts as a contrapuntal of a dissolving romance, the two voices alternating while remaining separate, harmonizing only with themselves. Like most of these songs, “exile” marks maturity: The lyrics are clever but restrained, and the emotions are not only high-pitched but possess complex, shifting depths.

This album fits comfortably among what I’ve been spinning this summer: Jamila Woods’ LEGACY! LEGACY!, Waxahatchee’s Saint Cloud, and HAIM’s Women in Music Pt. III — albums full of momentum, contemplation, push-and-pull in equal measure. Swift signals growth both personal and creative throughout folklore. Superficially, perhaps, she drops the F-bomb twice — a transgression against “radio-” and “family-friendly” that she’s never dared before. The first line of album opener “the 1” is “I’m doin’ good, I’m on some new shit” — even as she explicitly passes her hand through an old flame. It’s that self-awareness and willingness to both hold herself responsible and forgive that set these songs apart. “mirrorball” sounds like lost Jimmy Eat World jangle-pop laced with melancholy pedal steel and builds to a stunning bridge where Swift admits: “I’ve never been a natural/ All I do is try, try, try … I’m still trying everything to keep you looking at me.” Swift has never sounded so honest, and the scrim between her interiority and position as global pop powerhouse has never been so transparent.

Though Swift dons rose-colored lenses for even the darkest heartaches, her perspective at 30 has made her lyricism even more piercing. “I hit my peak at seven,” she sings on a wistful track about a lifelong friendship. “I was too scared to jump in, but I was high … Are there still beautiful things?” On album standout “invisible string”, Swift sings, “Cold was the steel of my ax to grind/ For the boys who broke my heart/ Now I send their babies presents.” She’s so often dealt in retro tropes of riding in cars with and borrowing sweaters from crushes (and that’s still present here), but this banality is fresh and hits harder. In the same song, she credits destiny with uniting her and her true love, but subtly undercuts the cliché — “isn’t it just so pretty to think/ All along there was some/ Invisible string/ Tying you to me?” She understands the myth-making required of every romantic love — and the constant retelling if that love lasts.

Until now, Swift has been an excellent narrator of the dramas of young love, big friendship, and staying true to a certain narrow-minded integrity. She has been America’s favorite crazy white girl, setting fire to the love letters and reputations of those who wronged her or erecting pedestals to her current squad or lover. But the only notably pointed finger on folklore comes through “mad woman” (much improved over the pseudo-feminist gloss of “The Man”). Swift seems to have realized that the pain of growing up often comes down to how we navigate the tension between expectations and reality — of our relationships, achievements and setbacks, and our choices.

From that calm, Swift’s imagination expands, and she’s consciously trying to write from perspectives not her own, including eccentric heiress Rebekah Harkness in “the last great American dynasty” and a lightly vindictive corpse in “my tears ricochet” (singing, “I can go anywhere I want, just not home”).

The Bad: Sometimes Swift still seems caught in the mechanism of her own massive professional apparatus. The album’s promotional Instagram filter is a “glittery sepia-tone,” which feels a bit tone-deaf, and the self-styled portraits of Swift appear to reference a glamorous mid-century sad girl a la Sylvia Plath.

On occasion, Swift can’t resist the pop-culture tropes embedded in her psyche: “illicit affairs” seems cribbed directly from a Sex and the City episode, and the teenage love-triangle series (“cardigan”, “august”, “betty”) evokes any number of late-2000s CW soaps. Yet, the restraint exhibited here, and lines like “meet me behind the mall” and “you can’t believe a word she says/ Most times/ But this time it was true” effectively refresh the clichés yet again.

“epiphany” seems to try to connect periods of global and American crisis, from World War II to COVID-19. While there are a few standout lines — “hold your hand through plastic now” — the ideas are muddled. You can hear the impulse to speak more broadly about the world beyond her walls, but she hasn’t quite figured out what to say yet. Perhaps that’s next.

The Verdict: On folklore, Swift has come of age, emotionally and sonically, and proven herself — not that she needed to — as not only an exceptionally autonomous auteur but a nimble collaborator with an ever-broadening palate.

We live in an era when Americans are examining and dismantling national myths on a grand scale. Swift, too, is expanding her perspective yet starting at home, evaluating ongoing struggles, failures, and choices, weaving larger themes into her well-worn tapestries of bittersweet, young love. The songs of folklore show Swift piercing holes in her own narrative and persona and seem to ask: What’s the account we give to ourselves and to others? Can we look more closely? Can we change the story and survive?

Essential Tracks: “cardigan”, “mirrorball”, “invisible string”, and “peace”

#taylor swift #review #folklore

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mit3c · 4 years

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Forgive me for this, but what are your thoughts about Donald/Daisy? My knowledge of Disney only extends to KH, both versions of Ducktales, and Three Caballeros, so I don’t recognize 98% of the duck characters. I don’t know how to obtain the Duck comics in the States in English, though I’ve always wanted to read them.

what is there to forgive haha?

oops i wrote so much. read more

daisy huh... my opinions of her vary from “sure” to “ew” I guess. it largely depends on the source material... I feel in KH she is such a non character... even more so than usual. well in KH female characters tend to not be written great and Minnie and Daisy are really shoved to the side to the point it’s not even bad writing it’s no writing at all ??? like she is never seen interacting with Donald apart from uh I think the end of KH1 where she threatens and chase him? which is. yeah sure

iirc she didn’t show up in og DT... new DT is a very superficial attempt at “fixing” her but no matter how well-intentioned the writers are, inserting Daisy so late into the story AND as Donald’s love interest is not great and that fixing attempt is bound to fail I think. I have a lot of thoughts about that episode and I’m not going to go into details unprompted (literally WHO wants my ducktales rants?) but it sure makes me smile seeing people going HEALTHY DONDAISY!!! DAISY IS FIXED!!! XD uwu lol.. but future will tell...... maybe my speculations will be wrong and I sincerely hope they are. but yeah as of now there isn’t much material about them and I don’t like what we got so far

in lot3c dondaisy is a central part of the story and hm. I wouldn’t mind Daisy being an obstacle to donald/straight up antagonistic if this didn’t fit in a misogynistic tradition of the Nagging Girlfriend Trope and I think a lot of writers can’t imagine a Daisy who isn’t that, sadly. It’s a shame especially in the Donald Duck’s Found Family Go On Funny Adventures All Around The (Supernatural) World show... I think Donald being torn between a trivial, normal, quiet lifestyle and an adventurous thrilling one is nothing new and it’s a theme that shows up in a lot of others media, be it comics or animation (It’s a running gag in Mickey Mouse2013 and Ducktales2017 deals with this horribly, but it’s really a long time thing in comic books too), and I usually like it! but instead of being an internal conflict, in LOT3C it’s symbolized by Daisy who works as an anchor into the “real world” and keeps pulling Donald back to it when frankly I’d rather see him (even begrudgingly) adventuring with his amigos. And I don’t mean that as a dumb “grrr daisy in the way of my cabs shipping” way, because I do think Xandra and April/May/June have great chemistry with Donald... if Daisy is an anchor into the real world, I believe AMJ is more of a bridge between reality and fantasy, and as such they are a lot more fun and a lot less frustrating. I do think you could have the whole thing with Donald having one foot into reality and one foot into the supernatural just in his relationship with Xandra. In short I think it’s def a case of writers wanting or having to put Daisy in but not being able to write her beyond being Donald’s annoying girlfriend and it’s a shame.

And if you think about it, if you remove Daisy’s Annoying Girlfriend status, literally who is she? She’s a character that was initially written as a prize for Donald to win ; initially it’s the nephews who gets in his way, then Daisy herself, then Gladstone, etc etc. It has been a long tradition both in comics and animations for decades and no one up until recently bothered to give her something else. Historically there have been attempts but they are inconsistent, loosely defined, and most importantly always relate to being THE GIRL. She writes a diary that chronicles her Woman Problems such as her boyfriend being too ugly so she’s ashamed to go out with him ; or being jealous and petty about her female friends, etc... she has her friends over at the Women Club which is sometimes a charity, sometimes a feminist club, and most of the time a place where they throw girly parties where Donald has to be dragged in against his will... she has a superhero identity that revolves around “being a feminist” but really is about SHOWING THE DUDES WHO’S THE MOST CAPABLE SEX, and all in all her gags revolve around “haha women are so ridiculous” and “marriage is a prison” So yeah, for a long time Daisy was built as a character that is just one misogynistic trope after the other and don’t have much of a direction, but also she’s historically known as Donald’s Girlfriend so somehow she has to be with him by mandate and my impression is that most writers are stuck with her and have no idea what to do with her... she has no life outside of Donald or any main character really so if she were to break up with him she’d have no reason to hang out with any of them. She could end up with Gladstone? but what even is the Daisy/Gladstone relationship in itself if it doesn’t revolve around Donald? Literally every other female characters have goals and something for themselves...Grandma has her farm and is a caring, support character for about everyone ; Brigitta is a skilled businesswoman who wants to end up with Scrooge ; Dickie is a teen and a reporter, etc etc. Daisy is Donald’s girlfriend and she makes his life harder. ok, which is a goal I guess ! but not a great one for a character sold as one of the Good Ones... and modern stories making her sweeter to Donald make for cute panels but it’s just removing one of her traits without giving her any new ones...

What’s sad is that in more modern times there have BEEN attempts at fleshing out Daisy- she’s a novelist, she’s a reporter, she works for Scrooge, she’s into fashion, she has AMJ, etc. Some writers are well aware of the Daisy Problem and it’s even adressed...

(blessed lars jensen)

...so there is that conscious effort to flesh her out, but these efforts are so far too isolated and nothing tends to stick out much... and I mean, it’s difficult to almost completely rewrite a character when she has decades of history behind her already. But the efforts are here and I salute them... even though there are more or less well executed..I like MM13′s Daisy for her strong personality and her working independently from Donald - I think having her do stuff with Minnie, Clarabelle, and even being friends with Mickey etc helps a LOT (though this series is not free from Donald feeling stuck in his relationship with Daisy.. but it’s still miles better imo than their usual portrayal)

so yeah I know that ask was originally about DonDaisy only but I think in order to know how I feel about them it’s.. good to know about how I feel about Daisy lol. In general I think they are stuck together by mandate when Daisy doesn’t have much to offer to Donald beyond Pain and Donald has better chemistry with literally. every other character ever. sorry if you didn’t ask about this wall of text lol but if you don’t know much about Daisy I guess here’s an overview of the character...

oh also. Daisy and Donald are cute in the parks. Daisy is that attention loving diva and Donald just fawns over her it’s really cute... her being fashion buddies with Minnie is cute.. nghnng though female characters being linked to fashion is.. sigh I will not go into another rambling I save this for another ask lol

#almost written another oh Also Also about the don/daisy/gladstone love triangle but. It is Time To Stop #Anonymous #reply7chi

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sometimesrosy · 4 years

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When we start writing novel or TV show, we start with our characters, how they start and how they end. That what make our story moves forword. In the 100, Bellamy complete his arc at the end of season5, what are he doing now? Helping clarke and Octavia to complete there's?!?!? I didn't understand Bellamy story s6

This is a good question. I have been thinking about this. Partly because I’ve been watching that hero’s journey for a while, waiting for Clarke and Bellamy to compete theirs. And it keeps, kinda, not being finished.

Except now Bellamy finished his hero’s journey and Clarke... well... Clarke has been a struggle to understand because it seems like she almost gets there and then there’s more. That’s when one of my followers asked if I thought Clarke was, instead, on a HEROINE’S journey. And tbh, even though my college was super feminist, I never encountered the heroine’s journey while I was studying English. I think because it was right around the time the heroine’s journey was introduced and I just didn’t catch up to it. So while I’ve been working with the hero’s journey for 30 years, I haven’t with heroine’s journey. Which takes the hero’s journey and then continues it with a rejection then reconciliation with the masculine, in a form that allows the heroine to be female and powerful in her own way. So yeah. You asked about Bellamy, but i’m getting there.

Bellamy finished his hero’s journey in s5. Clarke is still wrapping up her heroine’s journey in s7. So what the heckers is Bellamy’s journey NOW???

No. It’s not to help Octavia and Clarke finish theirs. He’s still the secondary protagonist and his path is his own. He and Clarke have paths that twine around each other’s like binary stars, but they’re both equal, even now when he’s finished his hero’s journey. And Octavia’s path is HER OWN, and she’s been facing it on her own, too. He wasn’t even there for most of it in s6, so that can’t be his purpose. And you MIGHT say it was to save Clarke, but... he’s not the secondary player in that. It is, all along, about his choices, his goals, his obstacles, not hers. Their stories are separate, even as they have the same goal, even as Bellamy is dragging the girl in Clarke’s body through the woods.

BELLAMY has a story arc in season 6 leading into s7, since s6 and s7 are the SAME story, with no restart for the new season. The final book of The 100 is essentially being told with one story, unlike the five seasons/chapters of the first book.

So what? Clarke’s story is a continuation of the heroine’s journey, but Bellamy’s hero’s journey is OVER. Where can we find guidance for what Bellamy’s story IS in season 6 and 7???

Go back to season 5. After he saves the day by stopping Octavia through his healing and responsibility and love, he saves the day by accepting the enemy prisoners onto the ship, and setting the new world onto a better path where it is no longer blood for blood nor are people expendable. What happens after that? He makes up with Clarke, he welcomes her back in the fold, Monty finds them a new world and then proceeds to give them tasks. Two (no three) tasks. Take care of Jordan, (wait no that was Harper’s task, let me go back to two,) BE the good guys, and LIVE a happy life like he did with Harper and Jordan.

HERE is where I started to get my inklings. Because it is clear that the task of s6 was “Be The Good Guys.” But if we watch the season, that isn’t Bellamy’s goal. He’s ready to take claim of the abandoned Sanctum for his people, to push Octavia out until she straightens up, to hold Echo accountable for not being open enough, to take vengeance on Sanctum for killing Clarke, to burn down Sanctum to get Clarke back, to abandon his people to danger to save Clarke, to sacrifice Sanctumites for his people. Nope. He’s really not in it to be the good guy this season. Clarke is. Bellamy is not.

This is where it starts to get interesting for Bellarke fans.

What do all his goals have in common? Love. Family. Intimacy. Need. Romance.

OH MY GOD. Bellamy’s goal for s6 and s7 is a straight up Heart goal. While Clarke needs to be the good guy, a Head goal, BELLAMY needs to have his family together, safe, and he needs to be able to LOVE.

What... what kind of stories have LOVE as the goal?

Yes it could be a family story... except he left his family, he was willing to sacrifice his family for Clarke. When he first found out she was murdered, when he found out she was alive, at the edge of sanctum when they were caught, a hundred times when Josephine was trying to bribe him with safety or threaten him with death for all, when he didn’t want to let Clarke go back in undercover. He was, in the narrative, in the dialogue, and in his choices putting CLARKE above everyone else, because he needs her. He ALSO brought up his current relationship and how that wasn’t enough for him, in direct comparison to Clarke enjoying herself with another man (who looks like him) and her previous scene of intimacy and openness, which he does not feel like he gets from Echo.

Right? So not only is he choosing Clarke over his family for partnership, ethical, loyalty and vengeance reasons, but ALSO for emotional, romantic, intimate, and EVEN physical reasons. He manhandled her all over Alpha, and saved her life with his need, his hands on her body and his lips on hers. No, those weren’t sexual in nature, but the emotion was there, the need. It was desperate AND passionate (just the wrong kind of passion.)

While Bellamy’s season begins with him trying to find a place for his family (now including Clarke) to live in love, he is also trying to figure out what that love means to him and what he wants from it. Leading to his teasing with Clarke, his anger with Echo, his hard and fast boundaries with Octavia, his intimate forgiveness convo with Clarke, the jealousy watching Clarke, the anger that Echo couldn’t be more like Clarke, even the intention to commit to Echo and not long for the past with Clarke (incidentally, that’s pretty much a confirmation that he was in love with Clarke pre time-jump. In order to reject the past he needed to have that romantic goal in the past.)

Bellamy’s goal. Is to find love. To live in love. To be happy like Harper and Monty. Bellamy’s goal is to find his happy ever after. His true love. Y’all.

Bellamy’s story arc for s6 and s7 is A ROMANTIC NARRATIVE. S6A had him trying to choose between Clarke and Echo, almost choosing Echo (or choosing her in name) then learning Clarke was dead and flat out losing it. Not wanting ANY intimacy from Echo around his grief, being alone. His head may have chosen Echo, but his heart chose Clarke. And his heart chose Clarke when she was dead and gone and he could no longer pretend he didn’t love her. All is lost in his search for love.

Except she wasn’t dead. All of a sudden, his narrative goals focuses down to ONE purpose. Save Clarke. Forget making nice with the Lightbournes. Forget his relationship with Echo. Forget what was going on on the ship or with Abby or Jordan or with Madi or Raven or Murphy. ALL was Clarke. “you care more about Clarke.”

YUP.

Season 6B was a full on Save Clarke storyline. And not as a group. Nope. No Siree Bob Morley. The group was busy taking care of the tasks that Clarke and/or Bellamy usually do. The ethical struggles, (raven.) The tactical struggles, (echo.) The political struggles, (murphy.)

Bellamy, whose goal is now getting back to his true love, is the only one going on that mission to save her. That’s because it isn’t a political mission or a tactical mission or an ethical mission. It is not another war. It is a desperate mission to save the woman he loves. Because he needs her. Because he won’t let her die. And it turns out she won’t leave him, either.

This.

Is.

Bloody.

Love.

Story.

Bellamy’s storyline for s6 and s7 IS A ROMANCE STORY. His goal is to get back to his true love and live a happy life.

Clarke is still about heroine’s journey, saving humanity, redeeming them.

Bellamy’s is about love.

Which, not coincidentally, is what makes survival worth while. It’s why this whole adventure began in the pilot, because Abby was desperate to save her daughter and sent 100 (+2) delinquents to earth to do it. There HAS to be more to life than just impossible decisions and a tragic end. They can choose to live.

It also isn’t until AFTER he saves Clarke, admits he needs her, and gets to share himself with her that he’s able to forgive Octavia and begin joking with her again. It’s almost as if when you let yourself FEEL your real feelings, instead of burying them under duty and anger and resentment, that the good feelings come back.

Anyway.

This is what I think is Bellamy’s new journey. In order to complete his journey as The Heart of The 100, he needs to be with his soulmate, without any more boundaries between them.

Bellamy’s storyline is a romantic storyline. Boy meets girl. Boy loses girl. Boy gets girl back. Endgame.

antis do not interact. lol

#the 100 #bellarke #bellamy blake #it is actually a romance genre story now #that makes bellamy the romantic hero

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princessmuk · 4 years

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HSMTMTS Character Opinions Bc I’m Procrastinating On My Homework:

Nini

She’s a very sweet girl and definitely deserves better. Though, she can be selfish and makes mistakes... but everyone does that! She just seems like a normal teenage girl. She’s right to want to be loved and treated well, and she deserves to be Gabriella. She does need to get out of her own head sometimes, though. But, as we’ve seen in the latest episode, she’s capable of putting her own feelings aside to help someone else, so go her! 9/10 gal

Ricky

I’m a little biased because he’s my favorite character, but that’s for a reason! Ricky made a huge mistake taking a break with Nini... it really hurt her and it’s the reason they’re in this mess. BUT— I understand why he did it. His parents are getting divorced, of course it’s hard for him to say he loves her when he associates love (what he feels for Nini) with how he saw his parents treating each other as he grew up. He’s scared, and that’s okay. But still, he won’t be able to get her back until he can tell her that. He’s dealing with a lot rn but he’s trying his best and I gotta give him props for that. He’s made mistakes but he apologizes for them, and if he ever thinks he’s overstepping he tries to make sure Nini is comfortable! He’s really trying to show Nini he cares and he’s doing an amazing job at the musical, despite his reasons for auditioning. 10/10 guy!

Where do I even start... EJ seemed alright at first— he was jealous and a bit basic for my tastes, but he seemed supportive and Nini obviously liked him. But, as we have seen, he is NOT a good person. EJ stole Nini’s phone because she didn’t tell him ONE TIME who texted her (which she doesn’t need to do ever if she doesn’t want to! Where is the trust??) He was going to fess up but only because he was told he should, then he chickened out because it would make his romantic competition look better if he admitted to his mistake??? Wtf??? He’s trying to apologize but Nini has the right to be angry. Plus, to top it all off, he admitted to poisoning somebody and didn’t see why it was bad. So.... yeah, that’s disgusting. 1/10 boy.

Gina

She hasn’t had much time in the spotlight, so I don’t have much of an opinion! She is definitely jealous of Nini and willing to be manipulative to get what she wants, but she also seems to come from a home life that demands perfection so it’s not surprising that she’ll go to those lengths... She has some growing to do, but I believe she can do it. 6/10 gal.

Carlos

What’s not to love about this boy??? He’s hilarious, a great choreographer, stands up for his friends (so far mostly Ms. Jenn but still) and overall just deserves better than he’s given. He’s pouring his heart into this musical and I’m so proud of him. He has not done one problematic thing so far. 11/10 boy.

Ashlyn

Her talent is amazing and she is definitely a kind soul. She’s able to call EJ out which is great, but she also thinks Nini should forgive him, which is not so great. She’s very charming and deserves more screentime. 8/10 gal.

Kourtney

Kourtney is a good friend and a hardcore feminist, which I like. Her personality is bold yet she’s real enough to not be able to talk back to a senior, which I think is very relatable. She definitely falls into a lot of tropes, which isn’t always good, and it feels like her role could be a lot bigger. But, as a person, she’s pretty great. 8/10 gal.

Big Red

My. Man. Red is really out here trying his best to cheer up Ricky in any given situation! He’s obviously a bit awkward and doesn’t always know what to say or do, but he does his absolute best. He’s a great friend considering how little Ricky does for him, though he doesn’t seem to have any problems he needs help with atm so for now that’s fine. His lack of knowledge regarding theatre is hilarious and suits him perfectly. Wish he had a little more depth, but there’s definitely a lot to read into with him. (Everyone in the fandom picking up his subtle gayness.... his crush on Ricky.... it might not be real but it is in our hearts... ) 7/10 guy.

Seb

My. Boy. Seb is adorable and easily loveable despite how little he’s on screen. His lines are always funny and sweet, and from what I’ve seen so far, he’s just a cinnamon roll. 12/10 boy.

#my post #hsmtmts #nini salazar roberts #ricky bowen #ej caswell #gina porter #big red #ashlyn caswell #kourtney hsmtmts #carlos hsmtmts #seb hsmtmts #character opinion #opinion #my opinion #ej salt #ej caswell salt #anti ej caswell #anti ej

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complete-mess · 4 years

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I’ve already said it before but Ophelia 2019 is awful in so many ways and here’s just some of them. I’m going on the basis that this is an adaption of the play so if you didn’t read the play it probably won’t make sense

I’ve said it before but I’ll say it again, my main problem with this adaption is they turn Ophelia into the personification of ‘I’m not like other girls’ archetype. The film separates Ophelia from all the other female characters. Ophelia has no female friends amongst the other ladies in waiting ‘cause they’re all bitches who just don’t understand me.’ Can we please, in all types of media, allow women to be friends??? It’s not that fucking hard.

The film as a whole tries to make characters either good or bad, heroes or villains, which is just.......why. Like Hamlet’s entire character is oh so good until he refuses to go with Ophelia in the last 15 minutes of the movie. Hamlet kills Ophelia’s father and is like ‘Ophelia forgive me’ in passing and Ophelia is just like k???? and seemingly all good after that. Like am i just supposed to equate play Hamlet who when killing Polonius is like ‘ Thou wretched rash intruding fool, farewell, i took thee for thy better’ and shows absolute no empathy or remorse for his actions to movie Hamlet who is just oh so sorry.....nah just nah

They completely changed Claudius’ character for no reason and made him into a macho aggressive man. Claudius in the play is compared to King Hamlet a lot. King Hamlet was almost always at war which is shown by ghost Hamlet appearing in his ‘war like form’. Claudius isn’t obsessed with war the same way K.Hamlet was. He’s more of a political king (if that makes sense). In the second scene of the play Claudius decides to contact the king of Norway to tell him to get a hold on Fortinbras rather than going straight to war. Also Claudius is crafty, cunning and sneaky. He’s not all that aggressive. He rarely gets angry in the play. If anything he manipulates others anger for his own use (see Laertes). I think making Claudius this big tough man was a stupid mistake. It’s cringey and is yet another archetype which undermines the more complex characters Shakespeare wrote.

I really didn’t like how they rewrote or interpreted Ophelia and Hamlet’s relationship. It was just .....bad. Ophelia and Hamlet get married in secret which completely disregards one of the many reasons Ophelia goes mad in the end of the play ‘Before you tumbled me you promised me to wed’. It’s implied in the play that Hamlet and Ophelia’s relationship was a sexual one. Given the time period the loss of Ophelia’s ‘chaste treasure’ (virginity) would have been societal suicide. Ophelia becomes a ‘fallen woman’ and her life prospects are instantly diminished. By adding in the fact that Ophelia and Hamlet are actually married it takes away her nuances.

I didn’t like Gertrude either (just assume i hate how every character was written in this version). Although I will say this comes from how I saw Gertrude in the play. In the play it’s never stated how Gertrude came to marry Claudius. Were they having an affair whilst King Hamlet was still alive? Did Gertrude see the coup Claudius was planning and realise the only way for Hamlet to ever sit on the throne was to marry Claudius? Was Gertrude just as power hungry as Claudius and couldn’t stand not being queen? Did Gertrude have a hand in the murder of King Hamlet? It’s ambiguous, strategic opacity and all that. I personally saw Gertrude as conniving. She saw Claudius coup and wanted to remain in power. I don’t think she had a hand in King Hamlets death and I don’t think she did it for Hamlet. I will say I can respect the way they wrote Gertrude’s character even if it wasn’t how I liked (personal preference and all that). However I hated her at the end of the play.

The end of the play was just.......unusual if anything. In the play Hamlet is the last to kick the bucket. He has his little talk to Horatio about Fortinbras and then dies. I don’t understand why in this version they chose to kill Hamlet first??? If my memory serves me right the deaths went as follows, Gertrude, Laertes, Claudius and then Hamlet. Hamlet and Laertes sword fight was good enough (except it’s technically a fencing match but thats just me being pedantic). My only issue is Laertes doesn’t have this moment where he realises he’s been manipulated by Claudius and apologises to Hamlet (I don’t think he needs to apologise to Hamlet because Hamlet’s a dick but I wanted to see how he was used). Also I know Gertrude killing Claudius was supposed to be this big feminist moment but I just wasn’t gone in it. I also wasn’t gone in the idea of Gertrude purposefully drinking the poison. I guess it was supposed to be Gertrude atoning for her sins but if anything I thought it was her taking the easy way out. It’s not a necessarily bad end, I just didn’t like it personally.

I don’t think I need to explain why having a Gertrude twin was stupid

I’ve already talked about Ophelia’s characterisation but Imma do it again, just cause. In my eyes Ophelia is the victim of the play. As a women she is mostly powerless (in this time period). I like play Ophelia. She’s doesn’t have power, she can be quite passive, she’s arguably ‘weak’. But she’s extremely resilient. She arguably has to deal with the most shit in this play. Her father forces her to break up her relationship with Hamlet. The breaking up of their relationship causes Hamlet to treat her shitty. He publicly humiliates her during the play Murder of Gonzago. He literally kills her father and shows no empathy towards her, at all (which is highly hypocritical considering his motivation throughout the entire play is to get revenge for his fathers murder). Overwhelmed with everything, she goes mad and finally freely expresses herself. It feels....cathartic in a way . Ophelia deserves to go mad, she’s earned the right. I also think it was one of the more emotional parts of the plays. Like we have all of Hamlets soliloquies which are undoubtably emotional. But it’s different with Ophelia. For me at least, when reading the play or watching it you......kinda forget about Ophelia. So much other shit is happening and you’re focused on that. But then you suddenly see Ophelia go mad and you realise all the shitty things that happened to her. It’s a moment where both the audience and the characters realise the damage done to Ophelia’s psyche. I hate how this movie just took that away with Ophelia pretending to go mad. The movie pushes the narrative that Ophelia isn’t weak, she’s strong, she could never go mad. But...... why does she need to be strong. If Ophelia was as weak as everyone thinks she was, she would have become as corrupt and power hungry as everyone else in the play. She remains morally good and if thats what you call weak, I’ll happily be weak any day of the week

Feel free to disagree. Also before someone says it, I’m aware this isn’t necessarily an adaption of the play but an adaption of the a book based on the play. But I think if they wanted to separate it this much from the original text they should have distinguished it more. Change the names or something. The names Hamlet, Gertrude, Claudius and Ophelia are synonymous with the Shakespeare play. They must have known people would assume it was adaption and I’m sure they used that to promote the film

#Ophelia 2019 #Hamlet #There is a shit ton of spelling or grammatical mistakes

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blackcatanna · 4 years

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Playing Kazama's Route Because I Guess I Hate Myself Part 1: Kyoto Winds

So, I'm going to play through everybody's routes on Hakuoki and vent my feelings and frustrations on here! I've already done Saito and Iba but I will play them again soon, too. Next up is Kazama, mostly because I'm curious to find out if this fucker has any redeeming qualities. Maybe if you're into nonces. Idk.

Wow, I had forgotten how gloriously campy this intro is :') I love it so much!

Playing through the prologue because it sets the tone of blood, death and assholes. This game is much more violent, tragic and much less horny than I had predicted and I guess I'm into that.

Aw, Chizuru bae is so lonesome and vulnerable <3

Kodo flashback! HIIISSSSSSSSSS!!! >:(

Just taking a moment to appreciate how beautiful and romantic the nighttime environment and music is <3 At least, until people start getting slashed up X_X

OKAY GAME, WE GET IT: CHIZURU IS HORNY FOR HIJIKATA. GOD.

Okita is enjoying this waaay too much X_X

Chapter 1

WIGGLE WIGGLE WIGGLE

Thank you for untying me, InouBAE!

THEY'VE BEEN DISCUSSING THE SITUATION SINCE MORNING BUT NOBODY THOUGHT TO SUGGEST MAYBE NOT REVEALING MORE SENSITIVE INFORMATION WHILE I'M IN THE ROOM?! I'm surrounded by idiots -_-

Apparently, "They are all truly gentlemen." Uh-huh.

Hooray for Chizuru calling out Okita for being a douche. And Hijikata for calling everyone a bunch of kids! Where is the lie? :')

Um, why has the camera zoomed in on Nagakura's crotch? Chizuru, please control your thirst. This is a life or death situation.

Now Saito's telling Okita to stop being a prick and Okita's response is, "hehe." X_X

Casual suicide jokes... Reminds me of my friends at uni X_X

RUN FOR YOUR LIFE 8O I can't see how this could possibly backfire...

OMG Kondou describing not recognising a girl as "The shame of a lifetime!" XD

"Maybe it's time you spilled your guts, kid." Is he... Is he telling me to commit seppuku?! O_O "I looked at him and nodded." GOODBYE CRUEL WORLD.

Although, with Harada threatening to strip me, suicide doesn't look like such a bad option X_X Tell me, Inoue, WHERE ARE THESE GENTLEMEN YOU WERE TELLING ME ABOUT?!

Feminist Hijikata wants to kill me regardless of gender :') We stan a woke queen.

Feminist icon Sanan also thinks that gender is irrelevant but doesn't want to kill me because THEIR JOB IS LITERALLY TO PROTECT PEOPLE.

You search so hard for Kodo and he turns out to be such a treacherous snake :'(

Bad feminist Hijikata calls the Shinsengumi "sons of bitches" for feeding me to him as his page. The Shinsengumi are strong, independent bitches in their own right.

Escaping execution but being quietly upset about having to wear ugly boy clothes for the foreseeable future is a mood.

More of Hijikata threatening to cut off Okita's tongue, please!

What does Chizuru have against afternoon drinking :P Clearly she has never enjoyed a long glass of Pimm's on a warm Summer afternoon! I guess she is pretty young...

Hijikata isn't here so can I please sneak out with you guys instead of staring at the wall all day?

Reeeeeeally want to pick the yes to dressing like a girl option but apparently that's not what Daddy Nonce wants :( HE'S NOT EVEN SHOWN UP YET AND HE'S ALREADY RUINING MY FUN! >:(

Well, now we're literally running away from Nagakura and Inoue. I'm getting High School flashbacks.

Wait, why is Heisuke being weird about Saito being in my room? Did this happen last time too? Maybe I just forgot or maybe it's because I was hanging out with Heisuke and Harada before...

This dinner is terrifying.

Survival of the fittest? More like survival of the FATTEST! Amirite? Anyone? No? I'll stop.

Takeda admittedly has a point about you not earning your place in the Shinsengumi. And he has great hair. So I can almost forgive him for being a mega bitch.

"His swordsmanship is decent, BUT he is well read and possesses a cunning mind for military science." Not sure if a translation error or Hijikata just hates nerds?!

Does accompanying Hijikata as his page get me bonus Kazama Sexy Points purely because it pisses Hijikata off?

Chizuru once again being in mortal peril but getting distracted by Iba's beautiful face is relatable af.

"Takeda huffed smugly to himself and WADDLED out of the store." What a majestic image we have been blessed with :') The bitchiest penguin ever to waddle this Earth!

Iba happily munching his bean jelly is a MOOD.

Chapter 2

Okita telling you that you're here to keep him company on his rounds is exactly the kind of bullshit that I'd expect from him X_X

Guess I'm just running into a battle...

Oh, it's Kazama. Sitting on the windowsill like the edgy bastard he is.

Aaaand he just killed a guy on his own side. Classic edgelord move.

And apparently I have to thank him for this display if I want him to be my waifu.

Seemingly, Chizuru is thirsty for this slut and is being REALLY FRICKING OBVIOUS ABOUT IT X_X

OH HE DID NOT JUST CALL ME THE SHINSENGUMI'S BITCH. Although, it is somewhat accurate XD STILL A DICK MOVE AFTER I THANKED HIM SO NICELY, THOUGH.

AND HE SAYS THAT I HAVE MANNERS, BUT WHERE ARE YOUR FREAKING MANNERS, YOU EDGY THOT?!!!

I have a feeling that a lot of this will be typed in caps from now on -_-

Oooh he winked! I cannot handle this intense eroticism!

Surprise Saito! My favourite flavour of surprise (see, "Shinsengumi's bitch")!

The Shinsengumi are grateful for my efforts and, thus, have gifted me with the great gift of sweeping <3

Hijikata and Iba are so cute <3

Kazama's being edgy again X_X and murdering people. Classic Kazama.

Oh wow, he's actually calling us peasants.

Aw, we're talented peasants <3 How generous of him!

HOW DARE HE TRASH TALK OKITA LIKE THAT! Wow, I'm actually defending that asshole X_X

Hijikata baring his teeth like an angry doggo XD

I'm super mad at Kazama for killing that poor Shinsengumi guy :'( Such a thoughtless waste of life :'(

Now he's mocking Nagakura's obedience to the Shogun. What are your lofty ideals, Kazama? Ah yes, you want to subjugate and enslave the human race. How... noble...

Okay, so, apparently, Kazama is being a huge, murderous pain in the ass because he's just OH SO CONCERNED for the pride of his human allies. I don't buy it.

Ah, Hijikata called Kazama a petulant child :') Truer words were never spoken!

Okay, now Hijikata is saying that they don't deserve an honourable death?! Wow, Hijikata. That comment is not going to age well, I can tell you.

So maybe I agree with Kazama here!? He still shouldn't have murdered that guy, though.

I seriously don't understand why Hijikata is so keen to slaughter these guys and potentially lose more of his men just to force them to suffer a shameful death?! Maybe he doesn't see dying that way as dishonourable but I have no patience for people forcing their ideals onto others.

Aaah! Kazama throwing Hijikata's insult back in his face is pretty brilliant!

Kazama just sliced me in the face! Sexy?!

Sexy Points with Kazama because he's confirmed your full BROOD MARE potential.

Kazama likes calling people bitches so we have that in common.

So, now Hijikata respects them for committing seppuku?! I am CONFUSED.

Oh, now I'm getting Itou's origin story?! This is unexpected!

Wait, have I broken the game and accidentally romanced Kondou?! What is happening right now?! X_X

Oooh! I'm getting sword training! Yes please! This is better than sex :D

Feminist icon Kondou isn't going easy on me just because I'm a girl :D

Chapter 3

Aka: Sanan's breakdown!

"Those were his last words." O_O I... hope that that's not true...

Okay, now he's throttling me! I take it back! Somebody fillet this crazy fucker!

OMG WAS THAT CRUNCHING SOUND MY NECK?!

But why is he choking me when he could be sipping on my delicious blood? O_o

The awkward moment when your creepy brother is a hotter woman than you X_X

Apparently, Kazama's gazing at me with bloodlust. How romantic.

Haha! Apparently Kazama's hand is "pale and grasping like the tentacle of some hideous subterranean monster." X_X Hot.

Yay! Rescued from tentai boi by HajiBAE and SanoCUTEY! And Harada is calling out Kazama for being a creep :') This is a good day.

Kazama's response burn is weak. The culture and the nose of a dog? What does that even mean? Even if Harada's nose looked like a dog's, that'd still be pretty weak, imo.

Ha! Saito's response is basically just an Uno reverse card but I'm always here for calling Kazama out on his hypocrisy.

Omg, now Yamazaki is kidnapping me and Shiranui's calling him out! None of these hos have any chill!

Amagiri is taking a break from fighting to read Shiranui for being a hotheaded pain in the arse.

Hijikata is rightfully calling me an idiot for drawing my sword on Kazama :')

Kazama's insults are so blunt and childish but it's so funny! He just called Hijikata a weak shit! Apparently, fighting him is an honour and Hijikata isn't giving this diva the attention he believes he deserves.

Hijikata needs to stop calling me Kid X_X

"Sleazebag" = accurate.

Ooh, Sanan is paying me a late night visit! How risqué!

Of course I want to learn more about the water of life but The Grand High Nonce would apparently disapprove so I guess I'll have to wait until another route to find out :'(

Apparently Kazama's not going to abduct me TODAY. How reassuring.

I relate to Kazama admiring the beauty of the temple but he lost me by being a hypocrite again. Apparently, he doesn't understand how humans can destroy their creations with their wars. KAZAMA IS FIGHTING WITH THE PEOPLE WHO WANTED TO BURN KYOTO AND THEY PARTIALLY SUCCEEDED. Kazama can only destroy things, as far as I can tell.

Now he's ranting about how they lie, deceive and kill. Pot kettle black? "If they want something, they'll steal it." UGH, KAZAMA, YOU HAVE REPEATEDLY TRIED TO STEAL ME YOU HYPOCRITICAL FUCKWIT. HE'S SO FRUSTRATING. SUCH AN INSUFFERABLE COMBINATION OF PRETENTION, HYPOCRISY, CRUELTY, HUBRIS, I could go on XD I should stop... For now...

AAAAAH HE JUST SAID NOT TO TRUST THE SHINSENGUMI BECAUSE THEY KILL THEIR OWN MEN WITHOUT BATTING AN EYELASH. THAT'S WHAT KAZAMA DOES WHEN YOU FIRST MEET HIM! BUT I GUESS IT DOESN'T COUNT TO HIM BECAUSE THE MAN WASN'T PART OF HIS SUPERIOR RACE!

Sen = <3

Chapter 4 (This is where I went to sleep)

I feel like we could have got away with killing the guy who was SENTENCED TO DEATH if fricking Sanan hadn't shown up and revealed his alive-ness!

Aw, Itou is concerned about my arm!

Aaaaand he's ruined it by being a cunt XD "Would you like to know?" "Yes." "I won't tell you." X_X

Heisuke, Saito... HOW COULD YOU LEAVE ME... WHEN I NEEDED TO... POSSES YOU... I HATED YOU; I LOVED YOU TOO... BAD DREAMS IN THE NIGHT.... *Continues singing Wuthering Heights and dances around the room dramatically*

"And then they were gone" :'(

Tbf, I'd be pretty mad if my comrades had been doing such dangerous, fucked up experiments behind my back.

"I am more concerned about the soldiers being left behind." - lies!

Wait, Sanan knew Itou "really well"?! Their only interaction until now was Itou being a mega-douche to him. I have so many questions!

Aw, Sanan trusts that our friendlings will return <3

Ooh! Going on a manju adventure with YAM!

Kazama strolling down the street and everybody being pushed out of the way by the douchebag waves rolling off of him.

Okay, so Kazama has come here alone to get pissed amongst humans?! That seems implausible...

"I might even allow you to pour me a drink." BLEUGH BLETCH BLUUURGH.

I CANNOT WITH THIS THOT AND HIS HYPOCRITICAL BULLSHIT. HOW DARE HE BRAG ABOUT HOW COOL AND DOWN WITH THE KIDS HE IS TO BE DRINKING WITH HUMANS AND THEN SLAG ME OFF FOR ASSOCIATING WITH HUMANS?!

If I'm supposedly so curious about the demon lifestyle, can I PLEASE just run away with Sen? :'(

WHY IS NOBODY ASKING WHAT I WANT?!? X_X I WANT TO GO WITH THE COOL DEMON LADIES!!!

"Yukimura. What do you have to say about this?" FINALLY!!! THANK YOU, KONDOU!

I really want to go but the game won't let me XD

Souji is correct. I clearly have rocks for brains XD

"Gosh" Appropriate reaction.

AAAAAAAAND MY BELOVED SHINSENGUMI IS IMMEDIATELY ENDANGERED BY MY POOR DECISIONS.

Ooh! Physical contact with Kazama! Sure, he's violently grabbing me but this thirsty bitch will take what she can get XD

Harada has the best put downs :') "Barging in here to get yourself a wife! You think you'd get the point by now after all these rejections..."

"You fools have no idea of her worth." BITCH I AM A well, not human but SENTIENT BEING! THEY TREAT ME WITH MORE RESPECT THAN YOU EVER DID YOU MASSIVE CREEP. I AM MORE THAN JUST A WOMB, YOU HO!!!

"She is most valuable when used by a fitting partner." THA FUCK DID YOU JUST SAY?!???! NOPENOPENOPE. A FITTING PARTNER WOULD NOT "USE" ME, BITCH.

"HA! So you decide to take her against her will just because you're too scared of the rejection you'll get from flat-out asking her out, huh?" YES HARADA!!! YOU CALL OUT THIS FUCKING NONCE!!! ALL RAPISTS ARE COWARDS!!! "You're so lame and creepy." WHERE IS THE LIE?!??

Meanwhile, Hijikata just makes it clear that he'd happily slice through me. Good to know.

I shall WIGGLE my way out of this situation! What do you mean it didn't work?!

YAAAS KONDOU! YOU FIGHT THAT BITCH!!!

OMG I JUST FELL ON TOP OF OKITA AND NOW HE'S SLUT SHAMING ME! XD

"Tell me... How is it? On top of me. Does it feel good?" O_O O_O O_O This game just got a lot more spicy!

Just fuck already! If only to piss off Kazama X_X

Aw, poor sick Okita <3

How dare they mention that the new HQ has a huge bath for warriors to bathe together and not have another thirst scene :P

Now Harada and Nagakura are slut shaming each other for having their tiddies out in Winter :')

Does this count as sexposition? Politics + tiddies?

"Itou dies." This is what happens when you base a game around true events! Problems aren't solved with the power of love and friendship! X_X

YES SAITO, PLEASE PROTECT ME FROM THIS MURDEROUS NONCE!

Chapter 5

At least in the normal route where nobody loves me, I don't get shot at by cannons O_O

There are a lot of typos in this chapter already. Perhaps the developers didn't expect anyone to be INSANE enough to romance Kazama.

DON'T TELL THIS RANDOM GUY YOUR PLANS YOU FOOL!!! IF THIS GETS INOUE KILLED, IMMA BE SO MAD!!!

NO INOUE!!! DON'T DRINK THE CRAZY JUICE!!!

NOOOOOO!!!! INOOOUUUUEEEE!!! :'(

Yes Queen, you call out those murdering cowards :'(

FFS I just got hella shot X_X

NO YOU GUYS ARE THE MONSTERS!!!

Apparently, I'm a "Noble Demon specimen" BITCH WHERE?!

"Why was Kazama helping me?" UM, HAVEN'T WE BEEN THROUGH THIS?! BECAUSE HE WANTS TO "USE" YOUR FERTILE WOMB TO BREED A NEW LINE OF DEMON CHILDREN.

"Shoot me? To death?" XD

"Kazama glared coldly at the pile of dismembered corpses on the floor" :') So romantic!

OMG IT'S THE BETTER DRESSED VERSION OF ME!!!

"Actually a man." UM, A CHILD, SEEMINGLY.

The whole creepy demonic family together at last :')

STOP CALLING ME ADORABLE AND LITTLE YOU CREEPY DEMON CHILD.

"What you're doing is disgraceful." YOU TELL HIM KAZAMA.

"Mind if I kill your family, right here and now?" O_O Kazama has zero chill! Thanks for asking, though, I guess. Go for it, Kazama XD

Oh, apparently I'm going to "talk to them" X_X

"Kodo, I could murder you over a thousand times, and it still wouldn't be enough for me." This is the most I've ever liked Kazama.

Doesn't Kazama work directly with Kodo in various routes?

Why can't I vanish like smoke? :'( Where are MY cool demon powers? :'(

"Turns out the only one capable of keeping you safe when you needed them most was me -- not them." HOW DARE YOU!!! INOUE GAVE HIS LIFE PROTECTING ME AND YOU'VE NEVER PUT YOUR OWN PRECIOUS NECK OUT THERE FOR ANYONE IN YOUR ENTIRE LIFE YOU POMPOUS ASS!!! YOU'VE NEVER HAD TO WORK FOR ANYTHING IN YOUR WHOLE LIFE, HAVE YOU?! YOU WERE BORN A DEMON PRINCE AND THAT MAKES YOU THINK THAT YOU'RE BETTER THAN EVERYONE ELSE?!? BECAUSE YOU HAVE POWERS YOU DIDN'T EARN?!

"If your idea of a good time is seeing the rotting corpses of your friends, be my guest..." 8_8 :'( No, they can't all be dead! Surely not! Kazama don't say things like that!

The Yodo are going to betray the Shogunate?!? I must warn them D:

Wow, this just got heavy and real sad.

Wait, did he just admit to meddling in the war?! He is such a hypocrite!!!! Aaaaaaah!!! Somebody call him out on his bs!!!!

SEN AND KIMIGIKU <3 SAVE ME!

Even Shiranui sees that humans have a variety of complex motivations X_X

I AM NOT YOUR FUTURE WIFE!!!!

Do the Shinsengumi just assume that I'm dead?!

Great, now I'm on a road trip with this cunt.

"I've never actually been this close to a man before..." Calm down! That horse is third wheeling so hard right now. And what about that time you fell ON TOP OF Okita?!

Welp, that's it for Kyoto Winds! Onwards to Edo Blossoms! I still don't like Kazama but at least murdering the ever-loving FUCK out of Kodo is a cause that I can believe in. Although, one of the reasons that I hated Kodo in Saito's route was because he was helping the same sex pest I'm now galloping across the country with. Huh.

This is the most that I’ve ever used the word, “nonce” in my entire life and this is only the first game.

#hakuoki #hakuouki #kyoto winds #kazama chikage #watch me lose my marbles #Spoilers #sorry kazama fans #so many words

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quaggathemighty · 4 years

Text

Stepsister, by Jennifer Donnelly: an emotional, messy review.

Recommended For: fantasy, ya, feminist, fairy tale, coming of age stories, girl protagonist, adventure lovers

This will be as close to a spoiler-free review as I can make it.

"It's the hunger in our hearts that kills us."

Have you ever read a book that so thoroughly encompassed everything you ever wanted to put on paper? That ripped into the deepest part of you and dragged you along by your emotions until you're raw and hopeful and shattered and fired up all at once? Because I just have.

The Summary:

“Isabelle should be blissfully happy - she's about to win the handsome prince. Except Isabelle isn't the beautiful girl who lost the slipper and captured the prince's heart. She's the ugly stepsister who cut off her toes to fit into Cinderella's shoe... which is now filling with blood.

When the prince discovers Isabelle's deception, she's turned away in shame. It's no more than she deserves. She cut away pieces of herself in order to become pretty. Sweet. More like Cinderella. But that only made her mean, jealous, and hollow. Now she has a chance to alter her destiny and prove what ugly stepsisters have always known:

It takes more than heartache to break a girl."

My Thoughts:

Isabelle is not pretty. She's jealous and she struggles and while she fiercely loves her sister she often feels lost and afraid, or angry and hateful to the world that left her behind. She cut off her toes because her absolutely mad mother demanded it, heating a knife over the fire while she berates her into obeying, and as a result Isabelle's bitterness and jealousy might even kill her. But as the story unfolds she's also breathtakingly passionate and brave and confident and fiery, and she grows a lot over the course of the story, learning to set aside what everyone else has labeled her (and indeed sometimes what she's labeled herself because of their cruelty), to become her own woman. She's strong and real and well written, and I love her. I want to be her. Goddamn I want every girl to be her. To be their own Elizabeth, Yennenga, Abhaya Rani. Strong, brave, dangerous. Beautiful in their own right, and not always on the surface like the world wants.

"Each queen was once a girl like you. Told who to be and what to do. Not pretty, not pleasing, far too rough. Til wounded subjects, anguished dead, mattered more than things the others said. Then, like a flag, her will unfurled. Go now, girl. Remake the world."

UUUGHhhh. Can we just talk about this book PLEASE? Can this get more of a following so I can scream and rave and flail and ugly cry with more people who loved this book? Oh my god. There are so many things about this book I like, from the way she fought for and protected her sister, to the way she grew to see past the jealousy her mother instilled in her against Ella, to the way it doesn't pit the girls against each other for their vastly different strengths. Well, except for one, but I'll get to that.

The book opens up on what has to be one of the most heart-wrenching, cringe-worthy scenes I've ever read in a young adult novel, and it's that scene with the cutting of the feet and the bloody shoes (yes, from the original myth, this ain't no Disney remake, y'all, it gets gory and doesn't hide from it) is what made me actually come back and buy the book. Isabelle had me by the heartstrings the whole goddamn read. For a girl who never grew up as conventionally attractive, who was always too loud or too brash or never had the right interests (witchcraft, necromancy, and vampires, anyone? No? Don't hide your cringe years from me, I know you had them too), seeing a book properly take these oddities and this 'ugliness', and teach a young woman to learn to accept and even love these things about herself, even though it doesn't get her what she's been told she has to want, but instead pushes her to find her own path? Ugh. Yes. Give me a thousand more of these stories, I could do this all day.

Also, boyfriend cries and has open, deep emotions. What?? A young man in touch with his feelings, that doesn't have to be physically strong to be a good man, that is allowed to be physically weak and emotionally open, and have his own strengths and weaknesses that don't boil down to a six pack and a brooding personality? In a YA FANTASY BOOK?! Hold me.

I rooted for Isabelle the whole way though. I cringed with her, I held my breath, I cheered, I finished the book emotionally exhausted and ready to fucking fight. I haven't felt this pumped up after consuming a story or a piece of media since I went to see Captain Marvel for the first time in theaters, and hot damn, y'all, woman-centric stories that don't revolve around the approval of a man or the need to be petty and spiteful to other women are my jam . I will absolutely be shoving this book in the face of every woman, teenage girl, and preteen female I know, all but begging them to give this book a shot. I read the whole thing in one sitting, the same day I bought it just as a way to pass the time and... mmmm.

I'm gonna try and keep this as spoiler-free as possible, just because I don't want to give anything away, but yeah. On to the genuine criticisms.

Honestly? I didn't have that many. There were a couple of places where I was kind of annoyed, like the catty girl in the village that I wanted rid of, but the way it was handled in relation to Isabelle's story makes me more forgiving, if only for the way she learns to control her temper and not goad more fights out of people that don't really need an excuse. It bothers me that she has to just sit there and take it for her sister's sake, but... maybe that's just because it hits too close to home for some of us. It's a relatively small part of the book and I'm really not too fussed in the long run.

One thing that did throw me at first was the inclusion of the other points of view, like the skip from Isabelle's first chapter in the beginning to the introduction of "Chance," whose band of miscreants and misfits is a little distracting at first, but ultimately entertaining once you figure out how they're involved, and who serves as a sort of 'greater story' framing device for the real world conflicts taking place in the background. "Chance" and "Fate's" cat and mouse game ended up being one of my favorite parts of the underlying tensions in the story, and really helped drive home how make or break Isabelle's ultimate path was, even after she ended up going in a direction no one, not even herself, expected in the end. But it really added to the whole "we make our own path and only we can tell our story" message that ended up getting told as the underlying themes for the whole book. And I can thank it for that.

Right. Now. The big block quote I used up above. Chance decides he needs to tip the scales somewhat, and his whole part of the narrative so far as Isabelle can tell is as a rich eccentric trying to get his misfits and servants to help him put on a play. The play ends up... less a play, and more an inspirational third act speech meant to give Isabelle the push she needs to go and 'do the thing!', and as such it's... kind of cheesy, in hindsight. But at the same time while wrapped up in the story I didn't really notice it save to get super emotional and flaily about how many names were on that list that weren't centered around white western history, and I'm totally here for it. I am absolutely down with the cheese if it brings about the good feels, and the bolster to Isabelle's courage it gave delivered.

I also really like that one of the men driving the story kept pushing that love was what she needed, and automatically brought in a boy to do the job, but it ended up being Isabelle's love for her horse, herself, and her family, and the forgiveness of her step-sister, that really did the trick. Thank you so much Jennifer Donnelly, for not making this be about a man.

I really wish this review could do it more justice, but I'm pushing the limits of my word count as it is, and I don't want to risk repeating the ugly, happy blubbering I was doing at the end of the story. Suffice it to say I ABSOLUTELY recommend this book to anyone who likes fairy tales, feminist stories, girl-centered stories, coming of age stories, fantasies, everyone, really. I can't sum it up any better than Jennifer Donnelly herself in the forward of this book: "To everyone who's ever felt like they're not enough."

SNIIIIFFF. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go eat a pint of ice cream and watch Xena: Warrior Princess reruns with my puppy. Peace!

#stepsister #jennifer donnelly #ya fantasy #book review #fairy tale #cinderella #cinderella retelling #omg yall im gonna die this book destroyed me #ugly sobbing over my computer at 2am #feminist roar #READ THIS BOOK #QuaggaReads

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plantfeed · 4 years

Text

ROOM #O3 — lockdown.

location: escalus house, room three. characters: valentine, christian, theresa, cal. time: just after the lockdown. tensions: high.

ok so this didn’t develop as much as we wanted it to bcos it was hard to find a time when everyone was able to be on and responding at once. but here’s what we have of our lockdown discord thread for room three ( theresa, valentine, christian & cal ).

THERESA.

03.02. still in her ballgown, theresa's pacing the floor. in one hand is a half-drunk bottle of wine. in the other is her phone, into which she's ringing ( to no avail ) every other minute. "my god. you think someone would fucking answer." though the state of the others is hardly of the deepest concern. they've got their own troubles here to be worrying about. every so often her eyes scan to valentine and it feels like swallowing glass. how could christian be so stupid? after everything she'd done. and yet.... and yet. lo, the course of love never did run smooth. but this isn't love. this is something far uglier. "i don't like this situation any more than the three of you. but somehow we've got to fucking deal with it so let's at least try to be civil."

VALENTINE.

03.03. she sits on the couch in the living room in her pajamas, forever grateful that she started leaving a pair in christian's room for emergencies. it would have been even more uncomfortable for everyone involved if she had been forced to wear something that was obviously christian's. in this moment, she feels bad for theresa, not because they're all in this situation, but because she's the only one who doesn't have the full story as to what's going on here. there's another layer in all of this, and the reminder of the secret the three of them are holding makes her swallow the spit that's collecting in her mouth. "i promise, i won't be a hassle, i can just sit in christian's room until this is all over and then i'll go back to my place the moment it's done."

CHRISTIAN.

03.03. christian can't stop shaking his leg. he's on the couch next to valentine, arm around her shoulders and the rest of him almost vibrating with nervous energy. his unoccupied hand is keeping his phone open, texting and hoping for some update that will give clarity to the situation. a lockdown? here, with valentine, her ex, and tess, aka the reason the rest of them can't speak freely. not that christian thinks they really would-- come to think of it, they've never all talked outright about what happened. or about what's still happening. "don't be silly, we can all be out here together," he tries to assure valentine, keeping his voice as casual as he can, but it takes on a bitter edge when his gaze lands on cal. "i've got no problem being civil. as long as everyone else is."

CAL.

03.04. cal’s eyes remain trained on his phone, hoping for a text from georgina or any news about the attacker. but more importantly, trying to avoid having to look in either valentine’s or christian’s direction. this lockdown situation seeming to be his own personal hell. their odd love-triangle was one thing, but the secret that bound them all together was another. he figured it’d be easier to just retreat back to his room, but there was something oddly comforting and enjoyable about the tension in the room, which was so thick you could cut it with a knife. he smirks as he hears christian’s words, clearly pointed at him. “don’t look at me. someone’s been attacked, and as far as i’m concerned, the last thing i’m worried about is starting a fight over the obvious elephant in the room.”

THERESA.

03.05. despite her nature, despite everything she's ever tried to be, tess can't play the peacemaker when christian's actions have put them in such jeopardy. "he's right," she starts, a hand lifting to clamp against cal's shoulder ; a united front against the adulterous oppressors. or perhaps a lack of love has made her cynical. "the three of us live here. your actions affect everyone. and we will discuss this tomorrow." her eyes scan towards valentine, and they're neither unfriendly nor warm. this is a woman who makes both cal and christian happy. this is a woman for whom boys would move the earth. and it stings that christian thinks he's found a love worth fighting for when all he's found is a well-dressed pretender versed in the art of stage. "but there are wider issues at play than this." in the back of her head she's aching to ring kit, for if it is lysander, then kit will be the first to know. her mouth tastes acidic as she dances between the two opposing camps. "and a house divided cannot stand."

VALENTINE.

03.06 she smiles politely at theresa’s words (however odd they may be), trying her hardest to ignore the implications of the girl’s gaze. it wasn’t her fault that she was in this position, it really wasn’t, but she had no way of explaining that to her. it was cal’s fault for losing his temper, christian’s fault for trying to take things into his own hands. she wouldn’t have involved christian if it hadn’t been necessary, and then none of them would be in this situation. but alas, life had to be difficult, and now she was stuck in an apartment with one person who didn’t like her, and two people who loved her and she wasn’t sure which was worse. “i reached out to kit,” she says, trying to change the subject. “i’ll let you all know if he replies.”

THERESA.

03.07. when her eyes meet valentine's there's the sting of something sharp beneath her skin — a mosquito bite. where has the girl who was raised by interseztional feminists gone, a girl who grew up vowing never to pit herself against another woman — to take a woman's side in every fight, no matter what. but this feels different. christian feels different. he's the one constant she's had who's never strayed from her side when the others thought her unhinged, and every time valentine's left him — spleen and liver on the asphalt — tess is the one who piece by grizzly pieces has had to tack and stitch him back together. so forgive her if there isn't any warmth when she meets valentine's eyes. "kit's fine, for now" tess responds defensively, for his name in val's mouth sounds wrong. she wants to reach in between her teeth and drag that name out, keep it safe in her own throat — but of course he's not her to shelter. and perhaps neither is christian. "he walked me back so i know he's at home. but if lysander follows him..." she thinks of the room across the hall and the three of them — kit, lysander and roman — locked in a duel that only blood will satisfy. "if lysander follows him we'll know before he does. we'll hear him on the stairs."

CHRISTIAN.

3.08 christian's eyes narrow slightly at tess, not just her words but the way she looks at valentine as though she's some kind of unwelcome parasite in their home. but then, tess hasn't been quiet about her thoughts on his relationship with valentine, ever since the very beginning. he knows it comes from a place of protectiveness, but right now, combined with cal's obnoxious energy, it's just setting him further on edge. but they're right about one thing: it's not what's really important right now. "has anyone heard from lysander at all? maybe he's still in police custody-- you know, from what happened earlier. with roman." christian's stomach twinges. now is not the time for his pity toward lysander to rear its head.

VALENTINE.

3.09 none of them would have heard from lysander, because he has no cell phone. valentine has his cell phone. it's locked in a box under her bed, in her apartment, where belinda is all alone with nothing stopping her from entering valentine's bedroom. fuck, this lockdown needed to be over quickly, or else she was done for. "i haven't heard anything," she says, pushing some hair out of her face. "i hate not knowing what's happening. what are we supposed to do? just....sit here and wait?"

CHRISTIAN.

3.10 christian sighs, looking back and forth between his various companions and wondering nervously how long they're all likely to be stuck here together. pointedly looking away from cal (reminding himself of cal's existence tends to be a surefire way of making sure christian is not relaxed, and right now, he really needs to be), he rises from his position on the couch and crosses into the kitchen area, opening a cupboard. from within it, he draws two bottles of deep red merlot, and a half-finished one of tequila imported straight from mexico. "i don't know about the rest of you, but if i'm staying here for god knows how long, i'd really like to be fucking drunk. anyone with me?"

THERESA.

3.44. with the curtains shut, it's hard to keep track of the sun. it could have been hours... it could have been days. wine is ever the temptress, and tonight is no different. only this night she's drinking with christian, with cal, and with valentine — the cards, perchance, could have picked an easier fate — and somewhere in a tangle of limbs ( she can't remember whose ) tessa's dropped her phone and the only means of communication with anyone outside of these four walls. "i know, christian, but please can you look again," exasperated, she continues to pull up the sofa cushions to no avail. two glasses later, she's forgot about the phone at all, bare feet trailing over cal's knee as she stretches catlike and swills her wine around her glass. "doesn't this feel like come dine with me?" she asks, rolling to her feet, her hands patting down the pockets of her dressing gown as she cracks the window. "you won, jane." her smile is muted, the kind that doesn't reach her eyes, something lighter about her, but at the same time more erratic. her movements are less controlled.(edited)

VALENTINE.

3.45. in hindsight, drinking with this group of people was probably not the best idea any of them had ever had, but when the question became whether she'd rather be in this situation drunk or sober, the answer was clear and apparent, and became even more apparent the more she drank. for a moment, she can forget about the murder and the cheating and the lying and can just exist. she's sitting on the couch, keeping a semi-respectful distance from christian ( meaning that instead of lying her head down in his lap like she wants to do, she's sitting next to him, shoulders and knees touching and her gaze on him ) when she's brought back to the reality of the situation with tessa's words. "thank you for that stunning commentary," she muses, not a hint of sarcasm in her tone.

#spectreevent #& macbeth / cal.#& othello / christian.#& lady macbeth / valentine.

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adriennedelaf-au · 5 years

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Lover! Songs as Adrienne's (and sometimes Gilbert) moments

I'm a big fan of Taylor Swift and while I listened to Lover! I had lots of Adrienne vibes so here there is each song with what it inspires to me

I forgot that you existed (It isn't love, it isn't hate is just indifference) :

Adrienne forgetting about the court and its gossips, living her best life after having worried too much about them.

Cruel Summer (And if I bleed you'd be the last to know):

Summer of 1789, when Adrienne and Gil kinda reconciliate but she has the fear of losing him due to the revolution and doesn't want to be a burden for him, so she keeps everything for herself.

Lover ( Can I go where you go? Can we always be this close? ):

Adrienne talking to Gilbert I'm Chavaniac in 1791, asking him to stay with her forever that way (far from everyone, loving her)

The man ( I'd be a fearless leader. I'd be an alpha type. ):

Wouldn't Adrienne be more remembered in history if she was a man? Wouldn't her sacrifices be seen as something incredibly brave and courageous everywhere?

The archer ( Who could ever leave me darlin'? But, who could stay? ):

How Adrienne is viewed in the court (naive, puritan, too good for Gil) Vs How she sees herself (not worthy of him, doubtful, full of contradictions)

I think he knows ( I want you. Bless my soul. I ain't got to tell him I think he knows ):

Around 1782, when Gil comes back from America and Adrienne is so in love with him, fainting everywhere and discovering her new feelings for him, now that she is already an adult and not a child.

Miss Americana and the heartbreak prince ( Voted most likely to run away with you ):

A trip around Adrienne and Gil's relationship during the 1780's : Gilbert's return to France ( I counted days, I counted miles, to see you there ) , the gossip at court ( They whisper in the hallway she is a bad, bad girl ) , their American friends ( American stories, burning before me ) and the start of the revolution (Darling I'm scared /And the storm is coming, babe)

Paper Rings ( Kiss me once, cause you know I've had a long night; Kiss you twice cause is gonna be alright; Three times cause I've waited my whole life ):

Modern University AU where Adrienne studies Economy and Gil, Politics and they are a couple !

Cornelia Street ( That's the kind of heartbreak time could never mend, I'd never walk Cornelia Street again ):

An old Gilbert walks next to their old house (L'Hôtel de Lafayette) accidentally and gets flooded by thousands of memories. He remembers when he told her that she was gonna buy it, when they had their kids and when they abandoned the house. And he also remembers Adrienne passing away.

Death by a thousand cuts ( Chandelier still flickering here, cause I can't pretend it's okay when it's not ):

Adrienne's feeling whenever she sees Gil with Adelaïde, refusing to fall out of love with him but still hurt.

London Boy ( I saw the dimples, then I heard the accent. They say home is where the heart is, but that's not where mine lives ):

What if instead London Boy is an Auvernia Boy and Adrienne sings about the places he took her in Chavaniac and how lost he looked the first time he arrived in Paris.

Soon You'll Get Better ( Each night I pray to you, Desperate people find faith. Soon you'll get better, cause you have to ):

Gilbert the first time Adrienne was sick until the last time, before her death, praying she would be okay.

False God ( Religion's in your lips even if it's a false God, we'd still worship. We might just get away with it. The altar is my hips. Even if it is a false God. We'd still worship this love ):

Adrienne tries to convince herself that Gil loves her just before they really reconciliate, thinking that him wanting to be with her physically was enough.

You need to calm down ( Sunshine on the street at the parade, but you would rather be in the dark ages )

Modern AU where Adrienne is the supporting mom friend who drives John Laurens to pride and goes to feminists demonstrations.

Afterglow ( I don't wanna do this to you. I don't wanna lose this with you. I need to say, hey it's all me, just don't go. Meet me in the afterglow )

Gil feeling guilty about how he cheats on Adrienne and begging her to stay with him and forgive him.

Me! ( And then we had a fight out in the rain, you ran after me and called my name ):

Adrienne and Gil knowing that, in the end, everything has been worth it because they are in love with each other.

It's nice to have a friend ( Church bell rings, carry me home, rice on the ground ):

Anastasie (their eldest daughter) meeting and the falling in love with Charles La Tour-Maubourg after their stance on prison.

Daylight ( I don't wanna look at anything else now that I saw you. I don't wanna thought of anything now that I've thought of you ):

Gil realizing that he is utterly in love with Adrienne (since late 1780's)

That has been everything ! Hope you like it. And please, reblog if you like it 💖

#gilbert du motier marquis de lafayette #adrienne de lafayette #taylor swift #lover!#adriennedelaf au

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diaryofasupergroupie · 4 years

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Abuse exists in music *TRIGGER WARNING*

I ask everyone to please be respectful, this is the most personal thing I have ever written. This was an awful time of my life and I was a totally different person when I was with him. This kind of thing isn’t okay and I am hesitantly giving this a trigger warning of emotional and psychological abuse. There are definitely people who have had it worse but it was still a bad time for me. This kind of thing happens far more than it should and I hope people can realise that from my own experience. I’m open to answering questions about this but please be respectful! Sending you all my love xoxo - K

I talk about abuse a lot and how girls are vulnerable but I never go into detail as to why I’m so passionate about preventing terrible things from happening to the girls or guys. When you are a groupie the musician is in an immediate position of power. No matter how much of a feminist or empowered woman you are this is the dynamic. When people say abuse I think we think about rapes, beatings and girls being taken advantage of. It can be and all those things are abuse but the control, manipulation and toxic relationships are all abuse too. C never once hit me but he totally hallowed me out inside until I was barely there.

You can read all about how I met C and how we talked and got to know each other over months. There was a slow burn that was so gentle and slow it led me into thinking it was just meant to be. Also keep in mind that this was my first relationship in the scene and all other experiences I had were flings. None of that makes it okay though. While I was on tour in Europe with K and his band C and I had been talking everyday without fail. He asked me to call him and would text me lovely things and tell me he’s been thinking about where we were headed and how it made him feel. These were sweet sweet words and he had sent me flowers to the venue K was at. On the phone C told me that he isn’t usually like this and doesn’t usually want to associate himself with groupies. He thought they had no self-respect and didn’t like what they did and how they clung onto the fame he had. When a man talks about groupies or just women like that he should paint the walls red. He should set off alarms and the warning signs should be obvious. But then he told me that I was different. If I heard that now I would hang up the phone. C would tell me that he knew me so well and that he knew I was far too free spirited to tie down like that – that was exactly what he intended on doing. He told me we could be in an open relationship which tricked me into thinking I had this great freedom and he completely was on the same page as I was. I felt like he understood me entirely.

When I was in the studio with A and D and they had told me how they never wanted me to go and how I was such an angel. I was supposed to go stay with my friend A and his wife for a few weeks. I was going to go to several gigs and spend some time with A who I loved dearly. I had spent some studio time with them and I had told C just what A meant to me. A the man who was like a best friend, big brother and who I trusted and had pulled me out of some of the darkest times. But C told me he didn’t want me flying out to stay with A because it was unfair how I went to see A but wouldn’t go to see him. He made me feel so guilty that in the end I cancelled my plans and left A disappointed. A has never been good at staying mad at me and would never intentionally hurt my feelings but I knew he was having thoughts that maybe C wasn’t good for me then. But I never saw any of that. I think it’s important to note that when you are so in love with someone and they are all you can think about you don’t notice the red flags. It’s fine for people to say that I should have noticed what was happening. But real life doesn’t work that way.

C flew from America to come stay in my city for three weeks. I remember just before he arrived that I didn’t want to feel trapped. Although I was all about C I felt that maybe that was exactly what was happening even then. I had talked on and off to V ever since I just entered the scene but this was the only time that stopped. C was getting a long flight to spend some time with me and I caught myself feeling ungrateful. I wanted to feel more grateful and felt so guilty for how I was feeling. C would tell me how much he hated flying but he was doing this for me and it made me feel so special. The day he landed it happened to be my mother’s birthday and despite the fact she to this day her care for me has been patchy I had to spend the day with her. C called me and we argued extensively about it. Don’t get me wrong, fights are a normal part of a healthy relationship. But when he makes you feel guilty for spending time with your family it isn’t a good sign. Some people will think that I am in the wrong here, he flew all that way and I didn’t even play the doting girlfriend. But as A told me over and over again, a good boyfriend would understand. Regardless I apologised for being mean and that I was just as impatient to see him.

When we saw one another everything was okay and we hugged and kissed. C was so smooth and good at tricking me into doing what he wanted. He held me close and kissed me before he leaned down to my ear and whispered, I wish you didn’t start all these arguments and we could just be happy. He would always blame me for the arguments and then tell me it was lucky he was there to handle me. I knew I was a handful and to this day I still am. But never let anyone try to tell you being who you are is a fault. He would work hard to make me feel special and take me shopping. He would give me his credit card and tell me to spend whatever I wanted to make him look good when we went to dinner. I would spend £400 at a time and that was part of his talent for making me forgive whatever he said to me. He brought me a ring and then pulled me behind racks of clothes where he kissed my neck. “K,” C said in between kisses. “I love you.” I asked him what he loved most about me. “I love the way you make me feel.” He said breathlessly.

We went to dinner and I remember being in total awe of him. I could never look away from him and I would just sit and stare. I felt like we were a real couple as we sat across from one another and everyone around us believed we were just in love. We weren’t faking or on tour, we were real people now. I realised just how in love I was with him. C told me he doesn’t normally feel like this and that he never wanted to leave my side. I was completely trapped in his words and I just wanted to touch him forever. I had grown up with emotionally unavailable male family members and as a rule that’s my type. But for some reason I wanted to hear how I made him feel in love.

I can’t deny the sex was good and when he took me back to the apartment he was staying at he truly made me feel special. But I don’t want to go into any kind of detail really because then I would have to remember. He was on the rougher side and completely all for him and full of himself which coincidentally is my type in that department too. I will tell you that he likes to have sex to his own music and I think that sums him up perfectly. You have to be a certain kind of person to enjoy that and if I’m honest his music isn’t the best and at times it became a mood killer.

For a taste of just how controlling he was we went to a party thrown by one of my favourites while he was there. I was quite ill and felt awful but I forced myself to go and it was my chance to show everyone in the scene that C and I were in a real relationship. I remember stepping into the party and the newer girls just watching me. C had been so open about his feelings about groupies and it was like a smack in the face to all of them. He went to socialise and I ran off with my friend V and a band I had known for years. They were the band I toured with when I met C and A who you may fondly remember as the man who took me to watch a movie before he drew a bow on me and we had a good night. They offered me some edibles to make me feel better and in truth it did. But when C walked in and saw just what I had been doing.

He quite literally cleared the table of everything and gripped my arm. He looked at me as though I was nothing before he started shouting at me. I tried to tell him it was because I felt ill but that made it worse and I thought he would hit me. For reference he would drink and smoke but I never could. “K, this is disgusting. I’m disgusted with you.” C spat and I knew everything was starting to go sour. I’m half glad A wasn’t there because if he was I’m scared about what he would do. A wasn’t there but O was. O has always been so lovely to me. I met him years ago on my birthday when he inserted a birthday candle in his urethra. O was always high on something, had a tolerance like I had never seen and also was completely obsessed with rock stars of the past and their stories. He would save them up to act out whenever he could. He would fondly call me Princess or Darling and have such fun with all the girls. When C was shouting at me for a moment I didn’t think it would ever stop. When any arguments happen there is always a moment when people think they need to get involved because it was going too far. I remember being so scared of him. C got in my face and that was when O stepped in. O pulled C off of me and then pushed him backwards and C fell down onto the ground. I thought there was going to be some huge fight. “Leave her alone!” O snapped at him. “You are scaring her and if you don’t stop being a dick I’ll take her back to my hotel room.” The secret meaning for C was there. The only way he would stop would be to make him jealous enough to rethink how unreasonable he was. In that moment O seemed to really care about me and that was what I needed right then. C went to leave but before he did he shook his head at me like a was a naughty child which really is what he wanted his girlfriend to be. You’re a bitch, C told me angrily, call me when you’ve stopped behaving like a whore unless you’re too busy letting O fuck you. I felt so disgusting all over some edibles.

I talked myself into looking past the entire evening and apologised to him again. Everyone who had met him from my civilian life said he wasn’t good for me but I of course ignored them all. Before he left we were invited to another party and V clung to me the entire time to make sure I was okay. She had made me a flower bracelet and took me to braid the childlike A’s hair. She told me she was in deep love with him but she loves everyone and everything so it wasn’t some great confession really.

At the party there was a certain young groupie there that I had loathed for years. Her name was L and for the past year I had watched her flirt and get all my favourite men into trouble. She was underage and she was the only one I saw still being able to get men involved in this. Most kept far away from underage girls but she always seemed to find a way. She was all over C and floated around him with her hands over his chest in her short skirt and neon pink lipstick. She was seventeen barely, I just wanted her to go and get on with her A-Levels.

While she was keeping C occupied and I was glaring at them it gave me a chance to spent time with O. He wrapped his arm around my shoulders in a protective manner and told me tonight I was his Princess. He then went on to pour prosecco directly into my mouth from the bottle. When I went to the toilet I found him in the bathroom doing lines on the counter. V’s new obsession A stumbled into the bathroom and handed O some pills. He offered me one but I shook my head so he swung them all into his mouth and swallowed them dry. I don’t understand even now how he physically does it. O told me when C goes home he’ll give me all the drugs I want before he proceeded to make me a crown out of a tablecloth. While L was all over C and he never said a word to her O was much more on my side. When the attention wasn’t on him while the band hosting played their new album he opened up the 15th floor window and threw up. He couldn’t stand not being the person everyone was looking at.

It carried on like this until C left again, I knew I should have felt sad to see him gone but I felt elated. It was like I could breathe again. I was amerced in the whole string of parties then and each time I saw O he would tell me to break up with C because he’s ruining me and killing my spirit in the worst way. I tripped out at a party and then knew I had to end it or he really would kill me. Everyone could see the change and that wasn’t how I wanted to disappear out of the scene. I’ve always left on my own terms. When I tried to break up with C he told me I wasn’t allowed to and that he would ‘never let some groupie break up with him’.

The girls were furious and I never spoke to him much after that. O had been the only person who made me feel anything through it all and when C really messed me up he sent me a care package and I went to stay with him for around a month on and off. When it came time for C to tour over here again word got out pretty quickly that he had took L the groupie from earlier with him despite her being underage at the time. I thought my groupie career was entirely over then but all of the old girls that had been around years stayed far away from that tour. Sure there were groupies there but the ones whose names are the top of the list didn’t go which was nice. I made my return at a party thrown by O. I toured with them a little after that and we had quite the fling but I healed and moved on from it all. C on the other had didn’t, he dropped L right after that tour and spent almost two years stewing over it all before he wrote two songs about me on his new album all about how he used me for sex and I was the one to destroy his life and make him suffer. The original cut had my name in there but after numerous phone calls and all my contacts in the industry my name thankfully got cut. Six minutes of him telling everyone I am a bitch and sucking his own dick. But I am thankful in a way to him for letting me know musicians aren’t perfect and they can be bad people. If he hadn’t caused arguments then I would never have gotten atrocious drunk and had my dad in the scene come to my aid and kick start a father and daughter like relationship which by far is the most meaningful in all of the years I’ve been doing this. He’s bitter but he didn’t take everything from me like he wanted – don’t let anyone do that.

#diary of a super groupie #diary #groupie #groupie scene #groupie relationships #band aid #toxic relationship #abuse #emotional abuse #manipulation #music scene #journal #bands #musicians #party story

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idasessions · 5 years

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Famous Muses & Groupies in Rock Music Pt. 39

GROUPIE: Pamela des Barres (born Pamela Ann Miller)

So you might be wondering why, nearly 40 posts into this series on muses and groupies, I haven’t focused on the queen bee herself yet. Well to be completely honest, it’s because I don’t like her I figured everyone already knows her story, lol. But I might as well give it a go just for the sake of continuity. Pamela was born on September 9th, 1948 in Reseda, CA to a housewife and a gold miner. She grew up in the San Fernando Valley right in the middle of where the first wave of rock music history was taking place. She passionately fangirled Elvis Presley, the Beatles and the Rolling Stones. Paul McCartney was her blueprint for the perfect boyfriend as a teen, and in her first memoir I’m with the Band (1987), Pamela claims she got an ‘A’ on an art project by drawing Mick Jagger’s crotch (….). She quickly met her first musician through high school classmate Victor Hayden—who just happened to be Cpt. Beefheart’s cousin. Through Victor, Pam got to go backstage and to local parties where she met Frank Zappa, the Byrds, the Stones, the Doors and Steppenwolf when she was 16-19 in 1965-68.

Even though she had been meeting and befriending rockstars since 10th grade, Pamela says she was mostly a virginal groupie in the late 1960s, and didn’t sleep with any of them as a minor. With a couple of intimate exceptions—like making out with Jim Morrison when Pamela Courson wasn’t around—Pamela didn’t lose her virginity until she was 19. The guy ended up being bassist Nick St. Nicholas of hard rock band Steppenwolf, and she claims the experience was ~just okay (i.e. she barely remembers it). Since then, Pamela went on to casually date and randomly hookup with stars in the 1970s like previous art class subject Mick Jagger, Jimmy Page of Led Zeppelin, Keith Moon of the Who, Noel Redding of the Jimi Hendrix Experience, Chris Hillman of the Byrds, Gram Parsons, and Waylon Jennings. Her first and only husband would be Michael des Barres of the B-list rock bands Silverhead and Detective from 1977-1991. Her only child, son Nicholas, was born on September 30th, 1978. She also went through a movie star phase and went on dates with former child actor Brandon de Wilde, TV star Don Johnson, comedian Michael Richards (??) and comic-turned-filmmaker Woody Allen (?!?!).

For work, Pamela had random jobs around the Sunset Strip from waitressing and retail to TV hosting and B-movie acting. After she finished school, she briefly babysat Frank & Gail Zappa’s kids and became part of Frank’s side project Girls Together Outrageously (AKA, the GTOs). The group was comprised of local LA County groupies as an experiment to see if they could make their own music too (spoiler: they can’t). During this period, Pamela went by the moniker ‘Miss Pamela’ or just ‘Ms P.’ The girls broke up after only two years together (1968-70) and one album released, ‘Permanent Damage’ (1969). Pam and fellow GTO Lucy Offerall both later had cameos in Zappa’s cult film 200 Motels (1971) alongside Ringo Starr, Keith Moon and Mark Volman. In her late 30s, Pam was inspired to take up writing after gossip journalist Stephen Davis told her she was a good storyteller while interviewing her for the (awful) Led Zeppelin biography Hammer of the Gods (1985). Soon she went on to coin the first ever groupie memoir in 1987 called I’m with the Band, which quickly gained notoriety in the music community. Since then, she’s written three more memoirs: Take Another Little Piece of My Heart (1993), Rock Bottom (1996), and Let’s Spend the Night Together (2007). In modern times, she occasionally writes featured columns for publications, her own blog posts and has her own ‘groupie’ fashion line. She’s also still friends with GTO pal Miss Mercy and fellow Led Zep groupie Michele Overman.

But how does she feel about carrying the title of ‘the most famous groupie in the world?’ Well, it’s complicated. Pamela claims the first time she ever heard of the word ‘groupie’ was by a Zeppelin roadie at a Hollywood party in 1969. For a decade she battled with people labeling her the ‘G’ word, as she tried to be taken seriously and not viewed as a slut. But by the time she was writing her books, she changed her tune since it’s the only reason anyone knows who she is. She even goes as far as to argue that groupies are the ‘real’ muses of rock music and feminist. 😒 Another little issue that occurred after living it up in the late ‘60s/early ‘70s. There was a new, wilder, less legal breed of groupies in town: baby groupies (or the Star Girls). Teen girls between ages 13-17 who were ~stealing all the rockstars from the 20-something, seasoned groupies like Pamela and Bebe Buell. In 1971, while Pamela was dating Don Johnson, she noticed that 14-year-old Melanie Griffith was hanging around his film sets and neighborhood a lot. Soon ‘a lot’ became all the time, and Don infamously dropped Pam for Mel. Then only two years later the same shit happens again, when Zep guitarist Jimmy Page ditched Pam at the English Disco for 14-year-old Lori Maddox in 1973. (BTW, Jimmy wasn’t even legitimately with either of them. He was living with French model Charlotte Martin. Oh, and Jimmy and Pam’s husband Michael were friends at one point and Jimmy would hang out at their house sometimes…awk.) Now seen as ‘old,’ or ‘over the hill’ as queen baby groupie Sable Starr apparently called her, Pamela went through an existential crisis at age 25 about her exes leaving her for literal school girls.

But rather than, I don’t know, raising her standards on men, she spends the next 30 years shaming these teen girls for being man-stealers or something. In I’m with the Band, she’s a lot more forgiving of Melanie and even claimed they’re friends now, but she still held a grudge at Lori. Then sometime in the mid-2000s, Pamela and Lori are suddenly ~good friends and Lori is subject of a chapter of Let’s Spend the Night Together. When David Bowie died in 2016, Pam finally started publicly stating that teen groupies are unethical. But then #metoo blew up in 2017, and it quickly occurred to people that in an environment where sexism and sexual misconduct are being re-evaluated; music stars getting one-night stands and random blow jobs while partying with young women anywhere from 13 to 30 years old started sounding really, hella sketchy. Instead of owning up to the culture being outdated, Pamela doubled down hard on groupie-ism, defended the statutory rape with the baby groupies, and thinks ‘sex, drugs and rock & roll’ isn’t an issue. In most of her interviews from 2018, like on “Ken Boxer Live,” and in Women Wear Daily, NME and The Big Issue Magazine; she says she’s ‘bored’ with being asked about #metoo and that it’s a whole different vibe in the music industry. (I’m sure the women accusing R. Kelly, Ryan Adams and Russell Simmons of abuse agree.)

I’m sorry, but you can’t claim being a groupie is feminist, and at the same time say all that shit and brag about giving hickeys to Jim Morrison or blowing Mick Jagger. Just admit it was all about partying and being with famous people.

P.S. Penny Lane in Almost Famous (2000) is not based on Pamela, no matter how much she (or any other famous groupie) claim the character is. Penny’s based on Pennie Ann Trumbull. Check out my earlier post on her.

#pamela des barres #pamela miller #groupies #the gtos #girls together outrageously #i can't stand ha #sry #musesandgroupiesseries

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film-clown · 5 years

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Holy shit. So I’ve just watched 13 Reasons Why, season 3.

I know I cry at pretty much everything but god fucking damn, this show hit. It hit in every way possible and it is absolutely their best season. They talked about such important issues in the real world such as ICE and abortion rights, and they carried the sexual assault storyline better than ever. I think, almost every plot line was done very, very well. I’m gonna discuss everything from the show, so spoiler alert if you haven’t watched it.

First and foremost, I’d like everyone to give a huge standing ovation for Devin Druid’s performance this season. I cannot even BEGIN to express the way each and every one of his scenes moved me. They obviously continued the story of his assault by Monty, and they did it damn well. This storyline also very well showed that a person can move on, heal, and better themselves from mistakes they make. Tyler changed, with the help of amazing friends and a support system. I loved it, truly. I’ve seen many comments about how this was the show’s way of making viewers feel bad for a school shooter, and honestly? I’m not going to look at it that way. Second chances are how the world runs, but I’ll get into that later.

Now speaking of Monty... LOOOOOOOOOOOLL

Alright so.. I kinda saw this coming? 💀💀

I mean, kinda. But not really. I feel like as much as people would call Monty’s plotline this season toxic, due to the internalised homophobia, I’m going to choose to look at this as something people genuinely go through.

As a male jock, in high school, it’s a HUGE joke to be gay. Unfortunately, slurs are always thrown around, and even if you aren’t homophobic, the energy that jocks give out about the LGBT+ community will surely make you into that. So honestly? The demonstration of how Monty felt throughout the season when it came to his sexuality was accurate.

Now this little bit is gonna be my soft side talking - don’t attack me for it. The scene in the last episode where Monty finally goes up to the guy from Hillcrest and isn’t a dick to him, I can’t describe how that made me feel. And when Monty’s dad later came to visit him in prison, and spit on his face because he figured out he was gay? That shit made me sad. If you’re gonna spit on his face, do it because of what he did to Tyler. Not because he’s gay. Fuck.

In conclusion, I think Monty had some potential. Some. I don’t think he deserved to die though, and he certainly did not deserve to be blamed for Bryce’s death just because he’s dead.

Jock culture is so toxic. It was strongly established this season with both this plotline and the assault one (gonna get to that later) and I hope the world watches this show and takes some action. I don’t give a fuck what you’ve done in your life, nobody deserves to not love, or be loved.

I really feel bad for Monty to have grown up in such a toxic environment, with a piece of shit homophobic dad and that jock culture. The scene where Winston says, “You can be whoever you want to be” and Monty says “No.. I can’t.” Yeah I’m sorry but that scene broke me.

PSA: Monty’s still a dick. This is just my lil gay self talking.

Also, Timothy Granaderos and Deaken Bluman are so sexy. Thank you for listening.

Now fuck. GOD DAMMIT YO. Tony Padilla’s storyline fucked me up.

As much as I cried half the time, I’m so glad the writers brought up the misuse and abuse of ICE towards POCs in America. It broke my heart into so many pieces when viewers found out that his family had been deported and/or held in detention centres. It is so not fair. And to think that there’s countless families in our real world who are suffering through this shit. :(

I love Tony and Caleb so much. Imagine finding somebody who loves you THAT much. I’m glad that after showing a toxic gay “relationship” (Monty and Winston) they showed something as beautiful as this. Definitely one of the best parts of this season.

Speaking of relationships... wow.

I loved them. Like truly. First of all; the SEXIEST couple I’ve ever seen in any series. Also I think my emotional connection with them is cause they literally came back to each other...

...and they stayed together. Through everything that happened this season, they stuck together (for the most part, lol) and I loved that. The love triangle of Alex, Jessica, and Justin was weird though.

I also really, really loved Jessica’s journey on loving her body again. And treating herself right. It’s good that they brought up female masturbation in this season too, the stigma really needed to be broken. I’m so proud of her 🥺.

Okay and, wow. Justin’s reveal on being a survivor.. my god. One thing that’s really good about this show is, it highlights that men can also be sexually assaulted, or raped. And, that does not make you any less of a man. Society needs that reminder.

Also. I love Justin so much. So so much. But I’ll make a separate post for my man.

The brotherly relation between Justin, Clay, and Zach. My favourite thing to come out of this season. I’m so glad that the realest people in this show found a brother in one another.

The adventure of Justin settling into Clay’s family was a heartwarming thing to watch, as well.

This scene made me cry SO much. Clay coming back from hearing about what happened to Tony’s family, to tell his parents he loves them and making sure he’s thankful that he has them. I love this family so fucking much. It was a true wake up call for me too. I went and sat with my mum after watching this. Even if your relation with your parent(s) is rocky, please never take their place in your life for granted.

Alright. The best fucking scene from this ENTIRE show. All 3 seasons. This scene was: it.

You can watch Part 1 here, and Part 2 here.

I cried start to finish on this one. Viewers also find out that Justin is a survivor, and I.. wow. Fuck. I literally have no words for everything to do with this.

This scene is so important for everyone to watch. It’s important for survivors to watch this to know that they’re not alone. You are never alone. And to those who haven’t been a victim of assault, please stand by those who have. Please support them, fight for them. The justice system is cruel to survivors, and unity within society is what can get us through another day. It can make things better.

Honestly I suck with words. Go watch the scene and hear what Jessica says.

Alright, now it’s time for the most controversial topic of 13 Reasons Why; Bryce Walker.

I’ve seen a lot of people say that the show is shitty for trying to sympathise and make viewers feel bad for Bryce - and I’d like to agree to disagree. Bryce is awful, the fact that he raped so many girls and did such horrible things to so many different people will neither be forgotten, nor forgiven. But I’m gonna choose to look at his plotline in the most positive ways possible.

You cannot forgive a rapist, or an abuser. They aren’t mistakes, they’re somebody’s actions that were intentionally done. But you can choose to let the person learn from it. You can choose to let the person grow, do better. I believe that everyone, no matter who, deserves a second chance. Not a single person in this world is perfect and if people weren’t given second chances, this society would be lifeless. I will choose to believe that Bryce was doing better. I saw a post that said something along the lines of, “It took the loss of his girlfriend, friends, and social status for him to realise that what he did was fucked up.” And I agree. Of course it took that for him to realise. Nobody realises what they’ve truly done until they, themselves, face the consequences for it.

The writers truly did an amazing job on portraying Bryce’s storyline. As problematic as it is, it’s reality, and as Thanos once said, “Reality is often disappointing.” Like, do you know how good you have to be at your job to make viewers FEEL BAD for a rapist? We all knew how horrible Bryce is, yet some of the scenes with him and his mum brought me to tears. I’d also like to give a whole round of applause to Justin Prentice because, wow. That man is damn talented. He did an amazing job this season. Don’t ever forget to separate the actor from their character!

One of the things that really stuck with me from this season is when Ms Baker was brought in for questioning. She said, “Did you know that this department has put more investigative efforts into solving the murder of a convicted rapist, than it ever did for any of his former victims?” And WOW. Did she lie? Did she really fucking lie?? No she didn’t.

Going back to what I said earlier, the justice system is cruel to victims. The way they investigated Bryce’s death vs how they treated Hannah’s case is how things are in real life. It’s really upsetting.

Also, the way they portrayed feminism/the SO club was DISGUSTING. I wish they had done better with that, rather than to carry on the annoying and disrespectful feminist stereotype. Protesting at Bryce’s funeral was so disrespectful.

By the way, wasn’t that Audrey from Scream? LOL

The last topic I wanted to discuss is Ani, but she annoyed me so much that I refuse to put in effort to talk about her. She’s absolutely disgusting for having sex with her friend’s rapist, as well as sticking her nose in business that had nothing to do with her. As Justin once said, “Fuck off, Ani.”

In conclusion,

This show is, and always will remain controversial and problematic. And a lot of people will choose to view it in the most skeptical way possible, rather than to see the points it makes. I definitely agree that this show hasn’t always been the best at portraying certain things - especially in season 1 - but they’re doing better now. This is high school culture (not the part where students are investigating a murder instead of doing homework). This is how the justice system treats rapists vs their victims. These are the struggles of survivors.

AS USUAL, THE SOUNDTRACK SLAPS. Go listen to it, please and thank you. This one is my personal favourite!!

Also, I’m always open to discussing/debating the things I talked about in this post. :)

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nothingunrealistic · 5 years

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oof hey i hope i'm not bothering you, and i asked jury this already (and deffo got a good answer but i need all the info i can get because i am crushingly insecure)- do you have any tips on characterizing/writing the deh characters? i struggle with it immensely and I have no idea why, and you're one of my favorite writers for this fandom. so. no pressure to respond i was just curious!

sure! the only characters i write regularly/feel confident in writing are evan, jared, and alana, so those are the characters i’ll talk about the most, but i’ll try to say something for all of them. also this will feature a good number of quotes from writers’ notes (here) and interviews because those are the main sources i draw on for characterization after, you know, actual canon

evan

Smart, sincere, and cripplinglyself-conscious, Evan prefers to hover in the background, asupporting player in his own life, too afraid to step forward into thespotlight and risk ridicule or, what might be worse, no one noticinghim at all.

this description captures a lot of the things i think are key about evan, but one big thing it’s missing is that he’s kind of an asshole. he usually has good intentions, and he tries to be inoffensive and considerate and Nice, but he sucks at that because it’s just not how he naturally is. he’s bitter and angry about a lot of things - his lack of friends, jared (ostensibly) not caring about him or taking him seriously, heidi rarely being present, and perhaps most of all, his own perception of himself as “broken” and a burden, which he genuinely believes that heidi agrees with and that everyone else would if they knew what he was truly like. he’s frequently sarcastic and occasionally pedantic (see: “president” “co-president” and “it’s sula” “what did i say?” “sulu”). but these are things he doesn’t like about himself, which is why he tries to be either Nice or invisible, especially when he feels uncomfortable. the times when he’s most comfortable acting like himself are, in my opinion, when he’s just with jared, who in turn finds it most fun to spend time with evan when he’s not putting up a front.

major pet peeves in fic: being written as a ~delicate anxious bean uwu~ or anything along those lines; dialogue with stuttering that doesn’t resemble his actual speech patterns at all; making a big deal out of him using profanity; portraying his relationship with jared as evan just letting himself get pushed around until someone (usually connor) comes in to bravely show evan that He Doesn’t Deserve That

jared

Droll and sarcastic,Jared claims to be forced by his parents to hang out with familyfriend Evan, for whom he ostensibly has nothing but disdain.Jared covers his own obvious insecurities with a well-practicedbraggadocio and a know-it-all arrogance.

I think this is the playlist that Jared puts on in the morning on the first day of school to pump himself up for the day… Ultimately he’s terrified of going back to school, but he’s trying to psych himself up. … Every one of these songs is a JAM. No ballads here. And they’re all slightly sarcastic or tongue-in-cheek songs about unrequited love. Jared can relate to that. [x]

Jared Kleinman is too cool for the music of the times. He is proudly a walking 90’s movie… but he doesn’t mind sneaking a little of his parents Manischewitz and listening to a dusty Bette Midler record. [x]

(there are like a dozen interviews with will roland that i could cite here but that’s practically a post unto itself)

the best way i can sum up all the major points of jared’s characterization is that there’s always a reason for the things he says. he doesn’t make harsh remarks to be deliberately cruel or mean; he’s either pointing out an uncomfortable but important truth, or he’s aiming to make a joke and inadvertently crossing the line. when he does make jokes, it’s often another way of delivering the truth, an attempt to get people to laugh and thereby validate that he’s clever/funny/worthy, or an effort to deflect something that makes him uncomfortable or scared. redirection, derision, and showing off are some of his major defensive tactics; he doesn’t do self-deprecation out loud, but he is, as will has said, repressed and self-hating. he and evan are similarly asshole-ish, but where evan tries to hide it, jared tries to hide behind it.

he wants people to be impressed by him in general, but he really wants evan in particular to think well of him and be his friend and openly care about him - the problem is that jared can’t bring himself to openly care about evan, because that entails emotional honesty & vulnerability that he’s just not prepared to deal with. hence their interaction on the first day of school, and then jared agreeing to help evan more and more with his increasingly complex lie despite claiming not to care. (the key word in that first quote is “ostensibly.”) when he is actually is at ease (which is pretty rare, at least in canon), he’s a bit of a drama queen, which evan may pretend to be annoyed by but quietly enjoys.

major pet peeves in fic: being written as straight and/or homophobic and/or leaping to make jokes about how evan and connor are Clearly Doing It immediately after finding out that they’re becoming friends (as if he isn’t utterly convinced that evan is 100% straight); making excessive/forced references and jokes to modern pop culture/memes (everything he shouts out in any form of canon is at least ten years old and usually decades old, and that doesn’t happen often anyway); relentlessly treating evan like shit/being incredibly domineering in their friendship; constant bickering with connor; calling evan “hansen” all the time when he only ever addresses him as “evan” (or, like, “dude” or “bro” or “son”) and even only does THAT when he’s especially emotional or letting his guard down; just generally giving him dialogue that in no way resembles his actual, very distinctive speech patterns

(i have. a lot of thoughts and feelings about jared)

alana

Alana is an incredibly genuineperson. Everything she does comes from a place of deephonesty and tremendous feeling. All of the characters inthis musical put up masks of sorts. For Alana, it’s a façadeof cheerfulness. She is always ready with a smile, a note ofencouragement. This hides the loneliness underneath.

often prone to melodrama, high school senior Alana has few friends but lacks the self-awareness to understand why; beneath her extroverted demeanor, Alana is in fact haunted by a terrible and abiding loneliness; tired of always being an outsider, Alana seizes the death of a classmate as an opportunity finally to find a sense of belonging. [x]

Study break! … Alana spend a lot of time in the books. This playlist allows her to either kick back, have a lip sync battle, or a jam session. … We have classic up beats like ‘Uptown Funk’ by Bruno Mars cause she loves to dance and be silly. She’s also a romantic. Girl reads Jane Austen, so a nice healthy batch of love songs to daydream to. She’s also a feminist! So naturally Beyoncé has the perfect perfect pump up jams for the feminist in us all.

alana has Big Feelings, and they drive all her actions. she wants to achieve great things and succeed in life, yes, but more importantly, she wants to help people and make the world a better place. when she commits to a course of action, it’s because she truly believes that it’s the right or most beneficial thing to do in the end, even if the means themselves are questionable. much like jared, she struggles with vulnerability and connection with other people, and often tries to form connections with other people by making herself seem more impressive, but unlike jared, she also tries to build up and support other people, rather than tearing them down. she’s also committed to supporting Truth in a general sense, and struggles when this comes into conflict with Doing The Right Thing. this is especially obvious after good for you, when she resigns herself to continuing the fundraiser even though she’s certain it’s based on a lie.

all of this makes alana seem incredibly serious, but that’s not the entire picture. she strives to be upbeat and optimistic, and even when she’s not trying, she loves to have fun! she likes to be silly and tell jokes and laugh at other people’s jokes and daydream about finding a great romance! she thought “fuck finn” was the height of comedy! she’s not a killjoy!

i also hold with kristolyn lloyd’s theory that alana was very close with her grandmother and struggled with feeling unable/not allowed to openly grieve her death, or to express any kind of loneliness or other strong negative emotion. however, i do not hold with kristolyn’s theory that alana had a crush on connor, because alana is a lesbian.

major pet peeves in fic: being written as pedantic and joyless; overly formal dialogue (she’s perfectly capable of using colloquialisms and slang) in which she is never sarcastic, ever (she absolutely can be when she’s frustrated)

zoe

a sensitive, sophisticated high school junior; cool without realizing it, Zoe could care less about the status games and popularity rites of high school; funny and bright, she has grown up in the long shadow cast by her volatile older brother, Connor, tyrannized along with the rest of her family by his out-of-control behavior; few rooms are as familiar to her as the inside of a family therapist’s office; Zoe compensates for her brother’s darkness by striving to be warm, nice to everyone, the kind of person who goes out of her way to learn the names of the kids who sit by themselves at lunch; she feels a terrible ambivalence over her brother’s death, finding it difficult to forgive him for all he did, and at the same time forgive that part of herself that feels nothing but relief in the fact that he’s gone.

this sums up just about everything i could say, but i will add: the disembodied voice calling zoe a “stuck-up bitch” during ywbf reprise is NOT a voice you’re supposed to agree with.

major pet peeves: anything that states/suggest that zoe is a bitch; those connor/evan fix-it fics with background zoe/alana where the premise of zoe and alana’s relationship is “they’ve actually been best friends this whole time!!” even though this contradicts canon on multiple levels

connor

An angry, disaffectedloner, Connor has been a troubled kid for as long as anyone canremember, an enigma and a source of endless consternation to hislong-suffering parents and sister.

i honestly don’t have much to say about connor, because i don’t think about him very often, but i will say that:

- if your portrayal of him can be described as “edgy,” you’re probably doing something wrong. he’s just as awkward and anxious as evan, it just manifests very differently

- him addressing evan as “hansen” all the time is admittedly much more plausible than jared doing it, but still just as annoying

heidi

Overworkedand stretched too thin, Heidi loves her son fiercely, but fears theyhave begun to grow apart. She is prepared to do anything to repairthe damage.

heidi’s torn between trying to connect with evan and trying to provide a better life for him, because for her, achieving the latter currently requires spending too many hours away from home to really achieve the former. that’s why she’s so upset and demands to know what’s going on in evan’s life when he seems to be acting out of character and doing things she doesn’t expect him to do - she feels she’s being left out of the loop. much like alana, she strives for optimism, trying to find the bright side of any situation. and, as steven levenson pointed out in the annotated script (regarding the line about fabulous tips that evan’s stepmother may or may not have made from cocktail waitressing), she doesn’t have a fully developed sense of healthy boundaries, which is an interesting nuance that tends to get lost in fics that flatten her out into a generic Cool Mom. she’s trying to raise a teenager while not wanting to fully grow up herself.

cynthia

To Evan, she seems to be the perfect mother, nurturing, available,and willing to talk about anything. To her own children, it’s a bitmore complicated.

evan idealizes all the murphys, and cynthia is no exception. she tries her hardest to be a good and accessible mother, but she’s deeply dissatisfied with being just a mother. she works to support and empathize with connor, and to remember him positively after his death, but she frequently neglects and minimizes zoe and her problems in the process.

larry

Though often tense and taciturn, Larry shows a different face tothe world, representing for Evan the dad he always wished for:strong, confident, and, more than anything, reliable, someone to becounted on.

is larry going to call his children slurs or disown them/kick them out of the house for being lgbt? no. is he going to research How To Interact With Your LGBT Child and drive connor and zoe to the local pride parade? also no. the once-popular (and possibly still popular?) characterization of him as a demon straight from the ninth circle of hell is just as inaccurate as evan’s perception of him as the World’s Greatest Dad.

i hope this helps! and thank you for asking - i really enjoyed answering this, and i’d be happy to expand on most of these points if you want.

#inbox #thecicadasong #dear evan hansen #evan hansen #jared kleinman #alana beck #zoe murphy #connor murphy #heidi hansen #cynthia murphy #larry murphy #sometimes i write

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