#everyrhing hurts and im so tired

[clfixationstation]

great, just found out my constant efforts to combat my ADHD are not working and I'm still accidentally hurting the people I care about. I hate it here. I just don't want to hurt people why is that so hard...

I thought I was doing such a good job, I'm constantly trying to make sure I'm responding to people adequately because I've been yelled at so much over it and I really want to make people feel valued and make sure they know I'm giving them my attention. I work so hard to not interrupt others during conversation, I try so hard to maintain attention to conversations, I try so hard to pay attention to my surroundings so that I don't ignore friends, I try so hard to push past rejection sensitivity so that I can help people - but apparently it's all useless

I guess I'd rather know. I'll still keep trying. It just really hurts

[strawbebyjam]

(,:

[wankerson333]

reminded about everythinf. the past. everything u did. and ure putting the blame on me. i did ntg wrong. why was it always me. i mvr wanna show my soft side ever again. in tired. i dont trust anyone. it always the same and they will never show me that i cud trust them. it hurts that im always the one doing everyrhing . dont they think anout me. was it all my fault. im tired . im tired with all this shit in my minf thats fucking me up. i wishi cud forget everything. everything .the memories. thr pain everything. js so i dont feel this much of heaviness. its so fucking heavy, hope that. one day i’ll die soon . im too tired of everyrhing.

[foxtriestobiteandmaimandkilland]

Everyrhing hurts and so bored and even lying down hurts and i am so exhausted i can barely move and im so emotionally exhausted todays been so long i wish i had better parents i wish i had a home that felt safe i wish i was scared of monsters when i was little and not scared of them instead i am so tired and want to go to sleep but i dont wanna wake up rlly early tmrw i wanna sleep for thirteen hours with the feeling of sleeping for 8 i am so tired and my body hurts so much fml

[pepprs]

tired and can’t fall asleep again so im here now. i th ink today and yesterday ive been more numb i thjnk adding items to the cart i can trick myself out of thinkjng this is happening but then when i click buy and spend the money and see the stuff piled up in the basement it’s real. i thin THSTS why i bawled wed and thurs nights or part of it and then yesterday and today ivw been like numb and afraid but not crying or anything. also my br!ghton suitcase never got put away it’s been piled on top of all the other shit on the bedroom floor all this time since the day i got home and i think that means something. im trying to tell myself im going to come back here so idk what in this room i should leave and what i should take w me. it’s going to be sk different this time so much better and easier this time despite the pandemic i think and i can’t wrap my head around it. i know being scared is part of being brave but i wish it felt like it

[wollfling]

Being online lately has been just.. hard and stressful and I cant stand social media anymore but its the only way I get to see or interact with any of my friends. But everything is just so fast paced and bombarded with ads and constant talk about how to work with algorithms or whatever the hell I dont know. So much how to be successful how to do this better how to stop being bad and that thing constantly all of the time everywhere I go. I just want to be. I seen people talking recently abt "creator content" (i hate that word. Content creators) and how, art and writing and what not really is just consumed and forgotten about. I hate that. I wish we would slow down.

I know its looking at things through rose tinted glasses or whatever but I miss for example back in the day on deviant art like... when an artist you liked uploaded something after a month and being excited about it. And the social culture of adding things to galleries and having pieces that you loved easily accessible to took at and admire again. On instagram or twitter when I want to find something its a nightmare. Instagram has the bookmark option now, but that's private? And so its harder to find artists unless they are constantly uploading, and they need to rely on their followers to constantly share their work, its all just very. Too much. I am trying to return to instagram but scrolling on my feed is like, overwhelming.

But when I step away from social media I become overwhelmingly lonely. Which I know is a me problem, but I just can't find a way to balance any of it.

[cavalryandrobin-inactive]

.

[heavenly-boy]

I’m going to start my fucking villain arc my partner blocked me without saying anything and won’t even let me console them lol

[serrefines]

why am i so unhappy all the time. im tired and sad and tired and sad ad my head hurts always and i just feel like i shouldnt be here. i do not want to die i just dont want to be here.

pine pine pine and when i finally have you here its all just negative and sad.

and then i feel stupid and then thinl abt it too much and then i rralise that im being stupid and everyrhings kinda okay but then the cycle just happens again

[disabledwarrior]

Im so exhausted and everything hurts and i have to drink water which is terrible and i have to choke down 12 pills a day (and counting) and despite being bedridden im so tired as if im constantly moving snf im cold yet sweaty and im so fuckin tired but cant sleep at night and im sorry for ranting so much yall but im fuckin pissed about everyrhing

[loulblue]

I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate jt

.

[seraphimsinful]

*puts my face in my fucking hands.

[punchyboyf]

x

[paranoid-freakshow]

I fuck everyrhing up in a fuckig worthless idiot my boyfriend doesnt fucking want me he probably would kill for someine less crazy and more loving i ruin everyrhing i fucming touch he doesnt fucki ng love me anymore im too wasted but id die for more piquor he doesnt cufkcing love me anymore hes dying to be loved better than i ever could a nd ill never be good enough ill pay somtone $10 to kill me im so tired of myselg im so tired im so so tired of myselg i deserve death it can come for me now its sat on my back for uears ive been avoiding it but i cant hold it off forver ill never be able to love but he doesnt even want to see m e try im abusive and horrible im abusive an awful i desevet to fu king die i dont want to ge alive he doesnt love me anymore im ramblingnow i need t stop but i can feel him losing interest and i dont blame him at all i mean look t me look at this mess of a post im so sad so fuckig sad an pathetic why would someine like him ever deserve me im fuvking horrible and abusive and abusive and ten drinks isnt enough and i can feel my chest crack open he considered it he was considering it hes probably with her but no hes not he loves me but he obvuously doesnt i dont know anything and i cant tell my reality fron my imagination but its all a blur all a hufe blur and i do n't know what os real anymore my arms arecovered with dried blood but itnisnt enough i need to open my chst and spill my entirely onto this sad fucking carpet why am i still here typing im only ever gunna make it worse today is the worst and i cant stop spirallingrright now he wont tlk to me everything is wrong and its my fault all of it is my fault i am so fucking sorru but he doesnt aant to hear it im tired of my sandess im so tired of hurting people i deserve this pain i deserve death he'll never want me once he knows my mess he doesnt love my mess i need to stop i hope this pill puts me to sleep soon my mind needs to stop maybe ill wake up and this will be okay maybe ill wake up and this will all just be another sad dream i wake shaking from its not an excuse im a mess and its no wonder hed leave i hope he doesnt see this but i cant stop myself im so sorry im so fuvking sorry