#everything is a sskk reference

[lunarryuuyin]

Sskk X agar Tum sath hoo

Atsushi, Akutagawa: Agar Tum sath hoo (if you are with me)

Atsushi: Teri nazrooh meh hai, tere sapne (your dreams are in your eyes)

Atsushi: tere sapno mein hai naraazi (and because of your dreams there is anger)

Akutagawa: Mujhe lagta hai ki battein Dil ki (I feel the talk of the heart)

Akutagawa: Hoti lafzoh ki dhokebaji (happens to be deception)

Atsushi, Akutagawa: Tum sath hoo, ya na ho, Kya fark hae? ( If you are with me, or not, what's the difference?)

Akutagawa: bedard thi Zindagi, bedard hae (life was cruel and still is)

Atsushi, Akutagawa: Agar Tum sath hoo...

Yeah this one is for my south Asian baddies @christelightlavo @starlightshadowsworld

[jinxie-117]

Shin Soukoku: Why BSD cannot be told without Atsushi and Akutagawa

How's everyone feeling after chapter 121.5? Pretty great, right? Pretty SSKK-brained, right? Well, I've got good news for you - Atsushi and Akutagawa are absolutely the emotional core of Bungou Stray Dogs.

That's right chat - whether you ship them or not, these two are absolutely fundamental to the entirety of BSD. Take whatever perspective you want on them - as lovers, as friends, as rivals who despise each other fundamentally but learn to trust one another - these two and their relationship cannot be separated from the overarching themes of their tale.

Naturally, I will be using the mainline manga as reference, as I believe it to be the best source for the overall story of BSD as well as information on Akutagawa and Atsushi's characters (since the light novels and spinoff mangas tend to focus predominantly on characters like Dazai and Chuuya, and BEAST doesn't count). Obviously, spoilers for everything. So, with that in mind, let's begin:

What is BSD about?

Many people would agree that one of the main themes of Bungou Stray Dogs is the value of a human life. Numerous characters struggle with issues surrounding their right to even be alive (Atsushi, Dazai, Akutagawa, Kyouka, Yosano, I mean the list goes on), their status as a human being (Dazai, Chuuya, Akutagawa, Sigma, and arguably Fyodor), or the amount of life required to be taken in order for the 'greater good' (most specifically the conflict between Fukuzawa and Fukuchi, but also Fyodor).

Pretty much every character in Bungou Stray Dogs struggles with some sort of suicidality or has assigned themselves a purpose that they must never stray from (Kunikida and his ideals come to mind - he believes he should not live unless he can follow the exact principles that he has composed for himself), causing them to equate the value of their lives to this one purpose.

It makes sense, then, that three of the most major villains we've had so far - Fitzgerald, Fyodor, and Fukuchi - have their own ways of cheating death: Fitzgerald in his quest to use the Book and resurrect his daughter, Fyodor with his ability, and Fukuchi with Shintou Amenogozen. What's more, all of them aim to cause immense loss of life (Fyodor is willing to kill anyone and everyone in pursuit of purging sin, Fitzgerald didn't mind loss of life in pursuit of money, power, and access to the Book, and although Fukuchi is ultimately on a smaller scale, he still aimed to kill a large number of people in order to achieve his ideal of peace). The value of a human life is the most sacred thing in this world, and so being able to cheat your own death while causing many others is naturally the most evil thing to do by this world's rules.

A final thing to note that, despite every character believing in some divine (especially in Fyodor's case) purpose for themselves that will finally give their life value, this purpose tends to cause more harm to themselves and others than they would care to admit. Kunikida's ideals especially (I keep using him as an example, it's because I recently read Dazai's entrance exam lmao) are emphasised as ridiculous and overdone, and his rigidity frequently causes him harm. This self-destruction brought on by purpose will become especially relevant as we move on to discuss our two beautiful boys:

Atsushi Nakajima: Useless Self-Pity

News to the people of the world - Atsushi is my favourite character in all of Bungou Stray Dogs. He is perfect to me and I love him. Many people I encounter on the internet have some sort of quantum beef with this man, which I can only assume is because they see in him that their own self-hatred and pity can cause harm, and get extremely butthurt about the fact that self-flagellating does nothing for them. I, however, have no such qualms, and thus I can see that he is certified peak.

One of Atsushi's major flaws, despite all his kindnesses, is that he cannot fathom a reason why he should be allowed to live, and constantly searches for that reason in other people. For a long time, he based his entire worth around the orphanage headmaster's opinion of him, as he was his only involved guardian - and thus, as a result of his abuse, believed himself worthless. Upon leaving home (or more accurately, being forcibly removed), he no longer had a purpose to live, but his survival instincts kept him alive for long enough to meet Dazai.

Meeting Dazai and joining the detective agency was only a short solace - because Atsushi, who wanted to live but truly believed that he did not deserve to, was now on the hunt for a new reason to live: protecting others.

It makes sense that in a high-stakes environment that Atsushi sees the only value of his life as protecting other people. This is first demonstrated during his entrance exam, in chapter two, when this freak of nature jumps on top of a bomb in order to protect the people around him. This seems to earn him approval from others (which he believes is his reason to live, for people to give him their approval and thus confirm he is allowed to exist), so he begins to participate in more battles and save more people's lives and generally act in defence of other people in order to earn his right to be alive.

There is more to be said here, but maybe I'll make a post only about Atsushi some other time. Moving on, one of the main drawbacks of Atsushi's desperation to live and his belief that he needs to protect others, is that he suffers from his main weakness in times of stress - dwelling on the past. Despite possessing the capability to protect and fulfil his purpose, Atsushi will freeze up and begin to spiral into self-hatred whenever anything goes wrong for him.

This is most obvious in the latest chapters, when witnessing all of his friends in the ADA die at the hands of Ame No Gozen and Dostoevsky. He seems entirely unable to take any action and fight back, believing his foe to be insurmountable, despite Fyodor's confirmation that this may not be the case:

So, we've established Atsushi's weakness as his inaction, passivity, and self-hatred. It makes him often useless in battle, and prevents him from creating a purpose for himself and interacting with the value of his life in a healthy way. Instead of protecting others and maintaining his own self worth, he fails to protect others, demolishes his self worth, and thus attempts increasingly dangerous and reckless ways to prove that his life has value. Most notably uh....

This suicide is demonstrative of Atsushi's terrible self-image. He foolishly believes that his life will have value if he literally kills himself, despite the fact that his life will no longer have value if he cannot do anything with it. Atsushi's belief that self-sacrifice is noble when he should be aiming to preserve as many lives as possible, including his own, is the culmination of every scrap of self-hatred he's been developing over the course of the entire story.

However, this can also be perceived also a good act - for once, Atsushi takes action instead of protecting mindlessly, and I will get into how this relates back to Akutagawa and how he teaches him how to take action instead of dwelling on the past, but that's for a later section. Either way, this act of self-sacrifice is both Atsushi moving onward in his character arc - learning how to take action in times of stress, instead of standing still, but also remaining stagnant - he refuses to preserve his own life, preferring instead to sacrifice it in the name of his purpose.

So, to move things along...

Ryuunosuke Akutagawa: Mindless Self-Servitude

More news to the world - you're never gonna guess which BSD character I relate to the most. This freak. This section will hopefully be a little shorter because this post is really dragging on, but no promises!

Akutagawa was very dissociated for the first years of his life - but he still had a purpose right up until his friends died. Being the strongest in his group of children in the slums, he was their assigned protector, and believed this to be his only purpose. It is the loss of this purpose that managed to break the haze around his emotions and first experience hatred - before it causes him to realise he has no reason to go on.

Immediately, Akutagawa takes up a new purpose - to prove his strenght to Dazai. Dazai personally tailors this purpose himself, ensuring that Akutagawa's entire sense of self-worth is dependent on him, willing to sacrifice any hope or joy that he might have had a chance at feeling. At the same time, however, Akutagawa despises Dazai for his treatment, being at least partially cognisant of his abuse, and wishes to kill him - thus creating a paradox in which he shall always wish to destroy his reason for live, but never be able to out of fear of losing said reason to live.

It is pretty important to note that I do not think Akutagawa wishes to die, unlike Atsushi who wholly believes that he should. Rather, Akutagawa becomes what he sees as a heartless monster when he is without a purpose, and thinks that he shall rot away on his own without one, as he believed that he did as a child in the slums, one day away from death at all times (now no longer being wholly aware that he was a fierce protector and once saw that as his reason to live). As a result, he adopts a philosophy that Dazai introduces him to - that the weak shall die, and the strong shall live, and that he better hope to be strong.

So, Akutagawa's worst weakness is that he despises the weak and will quickly and recklessly cut them down, refusing to sheath his sword, as he believes those strong enough to be worthy of life shall be able to hold their own against him in battle. Rather, instead of diminishing his own life in pursuit of saving others, Akutagawa diminishes others' lives in pursuit of saving his own. He acts recklessly and impulsively, underestimating his foes, the opposite of how Atsushi acts. He is actively called out on this by Pushkin upon encountering him:

To rub salt in the wound, earlier this chapter Atsushi calls him out on it multiple times, and Dazai calls him out on it for about... two years straight. So we can parse that Akutagawa really doesn't know how to slow down or quit, always dealing with the present and the now, believing that mass destruction will be a proof of his strength that he can then demonstrate to Dazai and earn his right to live.

This purpose, however, actively harms Akutagawa - in particular, it removes from him his humanity. He is repeatedly referred to as some kind of dog (see: the heartless cur, the silent mad dog, the black-fanged hellhound, the list goes on), and treated like his only use is to fight - which he genuinely believes, and so exists only to hurt and fight others. This causes a vicious cycle - Akutagawa hurts others recklessly -> gets called out on hurting others recklessly and denounced as a dog that doesn't know how to do anything else -> he internalises this idea of not knowing how to do anything but kill -> he continues to hurt others recklessly.

So, we have Akutagawa who will kill others to prove he is strong and thus allowed to live, and Atsushi who will kill himself to prove that he can protect and thus allowed to live. What a pair! So let's get onto the main event that shouldn't have taken this long.

Shin Soukoku: To me, you've always had a right to live

This post isn't about it, but the amount of panels these two have together where they are perfectly mirroring each other is wholly unsubtle. I've never seen anything like it. It is totally ridiculous.

To create an effective narrative foil, one must first create as many similarities between two characters as they can. So let's begin:

Both studied under Dazai

Both struggle with a flimsy reason to live

Both have all-devouring beasts that can cut through things most people wouldn't be able to as their ability

Both think themselves worthless save for one thing

Both are haunted by pasts of physical abuse that cause violence to be their accepted norm

Both feel their emotions very strongly

There's more but I've been at this post for two hours

These similarities, especially the one surrounding their reason to live, are very accessibly noticed in another human being. Overall, both of these two need to learn how to dispense of their current reasons to live, which tend to hinge on another person and a set of narrow-minded ideas (in Atsushi's case, protecting everybody, and in Akutagawa's, the strong needing to defeat the weak).

As a result of being able to notice these flaws very easily in another (having only subconsciously noticed it in themselves), these two do not get along, and repeatedly call each other out on foolish behaviour, enabling each other to improve. This looks slightly different on either side, so I'll go one-by-one.

Let's begin with Atsushi's side of the deal, because I talked about him first. As we established earlier, what he needs to learn is to take action, stop dwelling on his past, and view his life as something worth holding onto, as all human life has value.

The one thing Akutagawa absolutely despises about Atsushi is his absolute unwillingness to take any action at all.

Akutagawa, who is so used to moving forward and fighting and acting in the now, hates Atsushi for being able to dwell on his past and still have Dazai's approval. It fills him with complete and utter rage, and so he unwittingly motivates Atsushi to learn how to take proper action.

Another example is on the boat, when Atsushi's resolve is failing, and he comes to assist.

Ah, the famous line. Unironically though, it is perfectly demonstrative of Akutagawa's ability to instil self-confidence in Atsushi and motivate him into taking action - which does work later on when Atsushi saves Akutagawa from an inevitable death at the hands of Fukuchi, allowing them both to escape with their lives (for now):

So, good job Akutagawa! You've managed to teach Atsushi the power of not sitting around being dead miserable, not doing anything about the things that are visibly going wrong all around him. You know, I bet this won't have any other consequences for both you and him!

Oh, hey, Akutagawa. Guess what else you taught him:

So. We've already established why this is kind of an... issue. But as we can visibly see, Atsushi is able to take action. For the first time in several chapters, he is motivated by the prospective death of the man who warned against his passivity, into acting, not sitting by and watching everybody he cares for die, acting. Akutagawa, whose recklessness and impulsivity Atsushi once criticised, seems to be the one thing that enables him to take action after a period of extreme self-doubt and passivity.

This is especially special because Atsushi is motivated into this action by hallucination Dazai, who was once the hallucination of the orphanage director - who is now, at least implicitly, revealed to be Byakko, or Atsushi's tiger (if I am proven wrong on this then it's SO joever but whatever my theory still holds up). Throughout the entire story, Byakko is used as a metaphor for Atsushi's self-image (which I will possibly go into in another post because I'll be here all day if I do it now). So, if hallucination Dazai motivates Atsushi into acting, that means that Akutagawa has pressured him enough that he has literally permanently altered his self-concept. Insane.

Another thing that Akutagawa criticises Atsushi for is his belief that other people need to be protected, and that he can destroy himself for the sake of others, and thus earn a right to live. He demonstrates this particularly in chapter 35:

Akutagawa's main philosophy is that he who is the strongest shall come out on top, and that sacrificing anything for others is useless. So, he's (still in the process of) teaching Atsushi how to live for himself and look out for himself, which he is able to do whenever they fight against each other, and also when they fight with others - the combination of their abilities is incredibly powerful, and also represents Akutagawa giving up his defences and giving them to Atsushi, thus teaching him how to look out for himself.

This absolutely comes to fruition when Akutagawa sacrifices himself for Atsushi on the boat against Fukuchi and tells him to get away while he still can - however you slice it, he is unintentionally teaching Atsushi that he has the right to live and that Akutagawa is willing to die for it - that it doesn't matter if he protects or if he doesn't, that no matter what happens, he deserves to live. And these guys hate each other! What the hell???

Another thing to note is that now that Atsushi is presumably dead from Akutagawa's POV, he is very visibly devastated, even being able to recall his memories upon seeing the man who he fought so hard to defend take his own life. Should they reunite, I imagine that Akutagawa will be at least slightly angry with Atsushi for sacrificing himself like that - thus moving his arc of self-preservation forward.

Now, let's move onto Akutagawa's side of the deal, after that incredibly long amount of time spent on Atsushi's end.

Akutagawa believes that he does not have the right to go on unless he can prove his strength, specifically to Dazai, and does this via cutting down anything in his path.

Atsushi cannot shut up about how idiotic Akutagawa's impulsivity is. We see this on several occasions, the usually kind Atsushi devolving into downright bitchiness at points:

These are only two examples, because I didn't want to have to go chapter hopping that many times. Sorry chat.

Regardless, Akutagawa needs to be taught how to take things slow and learn how to preserve life instead of absolutely demolishing it. This comes to fruition via the six-month promise that Atsushi forces him to make, playing upon Akutagawa's principles and forcing him to not kill anyone for several months. Akutagawa begrudgingly follows through, and ends up successfully managing it right up until his death at the hands of Fukuchi. In addition, it could be argued that this same impulse-control Atsushi insists on inspiring in Akutagawa is what allows him to be able to stay hidden through most of the terrorist arc. Had the promise not existed, he likely would have killed to get his way, and ended up mistakenly revealed.

So, similar to how Akutagawa unintentionally motivates Atsushi to take action, Atsushi unintentionally motivates Akutagawa to slow things down and avoid impulsively killing. He is able to ensure Akutagawa's sword is sheathed when necessary, a feat that even Dazai couldn't achieve.

In addition, while I'd say the 'Dazai's approval' conflict is still in murky waters with Akutagawa, as he's only just recalled Atsushi and it's unclear if he's recalled anything else, Atsushi unwittingly motivates Akutagawa into reducing his impulsivity by allowing him to realise that Dazai won't be pleased by it:

While this exchange can be interpreted as Akutagawa resigning himself to Dazai's hatred of him, we do see him later postpone the killing of the two guards, both because this mission is literally made to work against him (if the guards die, a signal is sent out) and because Atsushi is constantly pulling him up on his shit.

In addition to this, Atsushi teaches Akutagawa a very important thing - that the lives of the weak matter. This is such an insane breakthrough for Akutagawa's character, also represented by the six-month promise. Despite how he's operated all this time, he learns to see Atsushi - who he has perceived as weak all this time due to his constant self pity - as a valuable ally and a life that matters, even sacrificing himself for him in the end.

Akutagawa sacrificing himself for Atsushi is such an insane move because he has never conceptualised something close to doing anything like that before, not once in his life. Atsushi, through all they have been through together, has reawakened the protective instinct in him that hasn't been active since he was a child. This is directly after Fukuchi attempts to convince him to work for him, too - right after he promises strength and Dazai's approval and everything Akutagawa has ever wanted.

Indeed, his life is that important. It is directly after this exchange that Akutagawa and Atsushi are able to trust each other to launch the surprise attack on Fukuchi, only stopped by the fact that his sword can literally exist outside of space and time. For the life of a weak man, Akutagawa gives up all he ever wanted. He gives up Dazai's approval, which he says that he fears dying without. He gives up a chance to become stronger. He gives up his life, which he so desperately wants to live. All for a weak man. All for somebody who he doesn't believe should live, if he cannot beat another in battle.

This is especially evident in the fact that despite the fact he's lost all of his memories, Akutagawa still adheres to the promise that he made to Atsushi. He has learned to respect the weak enough that he refuses to take a life, even when he is visibly winning in battle. And even though he was inspired by Bram, I would like to point out that Akutagawa has sworn his sword to protect others now, a promise that he will still likely adhere to despite the fact he now retains his memories - after all, we still see him in his knight getup at the end of S5E11, which is at least partially symbolic of his pledge.

In addition, Akutagawa is a character who is likely foreign with grief now that he's basically removed himself from the memories of what happened to him and to his friends in the slums - he never mentions his past, and is very visibly attempting to distance himself from it by engaging with luxury items such as antiques, and enjoying food such as figs, which can be seen as somewhat luxury depending on the context.

However, when Atsushi seemingly dies, he is absolutely devastated, something that I do not think we've seen him be for anything not related to Dazai (correct me if I'm wrong, but this depth of reaction isn't usually present in him). He, who never feels grief, likely because he believes those who die are weak and thus have it coming, is so shocked by Atsushi's death that he regains his memories and feels utter despair at the idea of losing him.

Conclusion

So, Atsushi and Akutagawa, both characters whose reason to live is deeply intertwined in their outlook on life, are able to balance out and improve each other's characteristics tenfold. I imagine as the manga progresses that both of them will teach each other the value of their own lives simply for existing, something that the overarching story of BSD seems to be trying to communicate.

Shin Soukoku is a perfect microcosm of the overall themes of BSD, representing the one question from which the entire story stems. Without these two, this particular theme would mean nothing, considering there would be literally no relatable plane to experience it on. Sure, we can acknowledge that millions of people dying is bad, and accept that human life is valuable through Fukuchi and Fyodor and Fitzgerald, who all attempt to demonstrate the opposite - but without Akutagawa and Atsushi, it wouldn't nearly mean as much.

I am sorry that this post was so long! If you stuck to the end you are an angel sent from the very heavens. Don't be afraid to reblog or comment your thoughts, this is just my opinion and I would love a discussion. If there are any typos I'm also sorry I've been sitting here for three hours trying to collect sources and write. But actually I'm not sorry cos I'm really based

[neevblanc]

„curious” ♡

a/n —hey all! hope ur doin' well, drink water if you haven't! have this as a treat. it's 2k and some more but i cant be bothered to check for specifics. (p.s sorry if the tarot aspects of this are wonky! i did my best to research and i pulled reference from my sister's experience with tarot cards/reading.)

૮꒰ ˶• ༝ •˶꒱ა ♡

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Dazai Osamu x GN!reader

Tags— 22/ada dazai, flirting?, pre-slash, don't question why reader's given a key, reader works under ango but he's also they're dad figure, it's a whole thing, mentions of sskk though not explicitly platonic or romantic, take that as you wish, dazai's infuriating habit of burying feelings and then one day he'll die

CW/TW— dazai. (/j, none i can think of.)

note — reader's ability in this is based on one that my friend chose for our self-ship au. "Teacher of Truth by Saneatsu Mushanokoji: The user can employ tarot cards to gain insight into the past, current, and possible future situations. The user needs to know what each of the cards mean in order to properly interpret what they say." it's from a post on tumblr, but I couldn't find it for the life of me! i'll credit if i can. anyway, it's been tweaked a little so i'm here to explain. in this, reader can choose to use their ability during a reading or not, but the tarot cards are always personal to them. people they know will sometimes show in the cards if they're important to them.

The next time Dazai sees you, it’s well before the ADA opens for the day. He’d admittedly had a rough night—sleep evaded him like always, and he hadn’t had dinner because of his own laziness. His futon was impossibly comfy. How was he meant to part with its loving warmth?

The Door to the agency creaks open, the sound not unlike the groan of the cafe floorboards only steps away. One of Dazai’s favorite activities was purposely seeking out the creaky floorboards and dancing on them so loud Kunikida would have to berate him, of course. He was intimately familiar with the annoying sounds this old building could make.

The office is darker than during working hours, but he notices the meager amount of lights still switched on. Distantly, he knows Kunikida would’ve blown a gasket about the electric bill if he had found them still on. He takes a step into the room-

Something rustles. Downstairs, an old radio plays a song he does not recognize. Pigeons flutter and coo from outside the window.

Somebody was in the agency, and had it been any of his fellow detectives, he’d have known.

“Hmmm, what’s this,” he mutters absently, volume low enough to alert whoever it was had decided to trespass.

”Dazai-san?” a soft voice calls, and Dazai pauses for a moment. A short, hollow sound follows—cards shuffling. He bites the inside of his cheek. How curious.

”Last I checked, you don’t clock in with the rest of us measly agents. Surely Ango’s fuming by now?” He hums, stepping into view of you. you’re sat at Atsushi’s desk, bag perched on top of Atsushi’s empty report trays. Dazai almost smirks at the sight— silly Atsushi, always rushing to complete everything in a timely manner. One day, he’d get him to turn them in later, hopefully months later- like he did.

”Hm, no. I clocked in earlier, but Ango wanted me over here early. Something about a mission I have to hand over to Fukuzawa-dono. I got a key from him last time, so I just let myself in.” you explained. Dazai pulled his own chair out and collapsed into it, peering down at what your hands were busying themselves with.

He realizes they’re tarot cards. Thick and sturdy under your fingers, you set them up neatly in front of yourself. The backs are a matte purple, decorated with silver details that glint as the sunrise light hits them for just a fraction of a second. The illustrations seem to flicker with movement, almost like snapshots of time shifting through an old camera, frame after frame.

”What’s got you so busy?” he asks, exaggeratingly leaning over to look at the cards. You laugh and smile, expression wobbly. He notes the change. You briefly shake out the bracelet laying on your wrist, almost nervously. You lay the last card on the desk’s surface. Atsushi’s cute cat clock ticks from where it’s placed near his report trays.

“I do readings for the day early in the morning, just in case. Sometimes, I don’t even use my ability.” You explain, keeping your voice low so as not to break the morning peace. Dazai glances at the cat clock. Soon, the secretaries and Kunikida will clock in and begin their work day. He focuses back on you and grins, intrigued.

“Anxious, then? I guess the ability to see the future will do that to ‘ya.” Dazai sighed, crossing his legs and resting his chin on his hand. He was content to watch you finish setting the cards down in a formation he admittedly did not understand.

” What does that one mean?” he says, pointing to one of the cards. Its flickering surface shows a woman with mint-colored hair pulled up into a bun. Behind her, there’s a black mass, and she seems to be standing in a graveyard. There are two Xs at the top of the card. You redirect your attention to the card he’s hovering his finger over and smile.

”That’s Judgment—renewal, reflection, awakening, or reckoning. For a personal reading, it would mean going through a period of self-evaluation or maybe even trying to understand the people around you and your situation more.” You explain, seemingly done with the spread and setting down the other cards nearby. Dazai purses his lips.

”Sounds gloomy. Lame!” He huffs, upset by his choice. you gasp and narrow your eyes.

”Don’t call them lame! You’ll piss them off, Dazai.” You hiss, smacking him on the arm. Dazai grins and leans closer, smile growing coy.

”Really now? And how exactly does one do that?” Dazai prods. You stick your tongue out and cross your arms.

“Not telling. Now shut up and let me do my reading.” You grumble, eyes flicking over the cards. Dazai whines and throws himself forward, almost shoving you off of Atsushi’s chair.

”Dude!” You yelp, hands scrambling to grasp his coat as he rights himself. Dazai grabs you by the shoulders and shakes, intent on being the biggest possible nuisance.

”That’s boring! Do your reading laterrrr; it won’t matter, right? Ne- do a reading for me! I wanna know my future,” He begs, grinning. You blink and scowl, pushing him away.

”First off, it would matter. Doing a reading later would be a completely different outcome. Just wait. All I have to do is interpret these. I’ll do yours after.” You grumble, adjusting their sleeves and settling back into the chair. Dazai harrumphs but settles into his own chair to watch you silently read the cards.

You focus back on the cards, and Dazai settles himself by watching you idly. You’re dressed in what you always wear to work, but it’s casual enough to know doubt have been breaking the dress code had you not been working under Ango for so long.  There’s a small scrunch to your nose as you focus on your task, and Dazai can spot how you run your tongue over your teeth in thought. Dazai looks away pointedly. Taking a few breaths, he forcibly clears his mind. How odd.

”Okay, done.” You hum, straightening and starting to pick up the cards. He shifts so his whole body is faced toward you. You take gentle care of the cards, putting them back into the deck.

”Why do they flicker like that? You aren’t using your ability,” he asks, curious about the shifting images on the cards. You shrug.

”Don’t know. It happens no matter what deck I use, though I prefer using this one. The images just shift into the same ones most of the time, though some have changed over time.” You explain, shuffling the cards. Dazai reaches out and hovers over your hand before poking the back of it gently. You let him despite knowing the outcome.

The images on the cards still lying on the table flicker, completely uninterrupted, even as Dazai feels the shiver of his ability eating away at yours. He hums and pulls away. He hadn’t been paying attention when he jostled you earlier, but you were right- they were unaffected.

”Strange, but not unheard of. Some ability effects aren’t considered active enough for my ability to erase.” Dazai says, allowing you to continue. you finish and present him with the deck, pulling away when he goes to take them.

”Don’t be mean to them. They’ll be mean to you. You can’t even think anything negative; they’ll know. You’re gonna cut the deck in 3, okay? We’ll do a simple reading.” you explain, and only once Dazai agrees (crosses his heart and hopes to die!) is he gently handed the cards.

”What do you want to read? We can focus on love, or money, or your career, things like that.” You say. Dazai ponders for a moment before sniffing, mouth settled into a pompous pout.

”I want to know if someone will finally be interested in a double suicide with me.” He huffs. You scoff.

”You’re insane. Okay, so love. Think about that while you cut them.” You nod, giving him the go-ahead. He runs his fingers over the well-loved edges and slots his thumbs through the deck where it feels right, setting the individual cuts down on the desk before them. He tries to take it as seriously as possible, though thinking about love has always made him squirm and itch beneath his skin.

You reach over once he’s done and clear your throat, carefully picking the top cards on each deck and laying them out in front of him. On the left, the first card flipped is a wheel, seemingly in the sky and surrounded by clouds. The clouds float by calmly, though Dazai can’t find anything particularly personal to you the way some of the other cards would show.

It’s made a little more difficult considering the card’s orientation- upside down.

You hum at it before moving on. The card in the middle is revealed, and this one piques his interest. He grins a little at the image. Two figures hold goblets in their hands, strings of power rising from the cups and meeting above their heads to form a Yin and Yang sign. The figures are startingly familiar- one dark-haired, the other light-haired. Accents in their hair match each other, silver and black clashing and melding nicely. This one’s facing right-side up. The image flickers to show the energy that swirls around, occasionally circling their respective holders.

The last one flicks onto the wooden desk with a hollow sound. The image is soft, not unlike the first one with the blue sky. A sun takes up the upper half, rays pronounced against the sky. Ttheire’s a little kid in the illustration, their beaming face scrunched up in happiness. There’s a flag clutched in one hand, with the other gripping onto the mane of the white horse they’re perched upon. Sunflowers frame them, peaking over the illustrated garden wall behind them.

It’s an endlessly endearing picture, and from the smile, he has a feeling he knows who it is. Like the last one, it’s right-side up.

You settle your chin against your palm, leaning on the table with a hum.

”That’s….a really nice reading, actually.” You move to point at the cards. Dazai sits patiently with his hands on his lap. Nothing more fascinating than seeing someone in their element, he supposed.

”That first one is The Wheel of Fortune. Upside down, it’s a little darker. It represents your past,” you pause, looking at him for a moment. “I think for you, it’s focused on the feeling of helplessness—lack of power or control…like you had love but couldn’t control how and when you lost it,” you say, your voice soft. Dazai fights to ignore the discomfort building in his throat.

”Well, what can I say? My dark past haunts me,” he bemoans, and you huff a soft laugh. You move on to the next card- the cups. You look a little embarrassed by this one.

”This one is the present. Two cups represent…well, partnership. More specifically, the realization of a new partnership. This one can be pretty romantic. I guess you’ve got something to look forward to soon,” you say, pointedly ignoring the images of his two kohais. He grins, sparing you of the teasing. He didn’t know how well you even knew Akutagawa- but it was amusing to see everyone could see what those two denied vehemently.

”The last one is the future. You got The Sun, which is actually really sweet.” Through your embarrassment, Dazai watches a sweet smile grow on your face. He matches it easily.

“It means joy and success, for you in particular. It means…whatever or whoever your two cups is for, you’ll be very happy together.” You say, and Dazai sighs wistfully.

”Maybe someone will finally want to commit suicide with me! This news might keep me alive a day longer just yet,” Dazai coos. You groan and take a deep breath, seemingly ignoring him as you duck your head down and then start to put the cards back.

”You better hope you didn’t piss this deck off, Dazai.” you huff, glaring. Dazai pouts, cradling his face in his hands.

“What?! I followed all your rules; I would never,” he whines. You flip him off and busily tuck the cards into a soft leather pouch. He lets his hands drop and watches for a moment.

”Thanks for the reading,” Dazai says, his voice back to normal. You glance at him and smile.

”Yeah, no problem. It’s nice to read without my ability once in a while,” you admit, expression soft. He grins. Something stirs in his chest.

”You can read me whenever you want, lovely.” He purrs jokingly. You startle, flushing. You glare and kick him with your foot.

”Don’t say shit like that,” you mutter. Dazai whines out a laugh, having settled on teasing you until he could see the smoke coming out your ears.

Before he could continue, the door creaks open, and the overhead lights flick on. Multiple people come shuffling in, and Dazai can hear Kunikida conversing lowly with Fukuzawa. The secretaries also file in, chattering contently amongst themselves. Fukuzawa and Kunkida pause only to greet them both. you wave politely, and Dazai salutes them both.

you blink your eyes to adjust to the light now flooding the room. Dazai huffs and stands with a groan.

”Alright, I’ve got five minutes to get out of here. You’ll be going in to see Shachou, right?” He asks, stretching. you stand and nod, giving him a look.

”Where are you going?” you ask, picking up your bag. He groans at the way his back pops as he rights himself from his stretching.

”Home. I only came here 'cause I was bored. But in the long run, it’ll be a lot funnier if Kunikida’s mad all morning when I don’t show up~” He snickers. you shake your head, a smile pulling at your mouth.

“You’re so lame. See you, then.” You sighed, heading down the hall Kunikida and Fukuzawa had disappeared down.

”And yet you love me. ‘Till we meet again,” he calls, pointedly ignoring the yell you let out.

”Whatever!” you yelped, and Dazai let the agency door click closed behind him.

He grins. Curious indeed.

note — can you tell i love brothers! atsushi and dazai? also, the woman in Judgement is Mizuki Tsujimura, who I headcanon is pretty good friends with reader in this one. :) please let me know if there are any pronoun inconsistencies! this was originally written with she/her pronouns, and i did my best to fix it to match the gender neutral style i like to use for tumblr stuffs.

©neevblanc 2024 // do not plagiarize or repost

[mitskiluvr]

when people say “tragic gay men” to refer to sskk it irks me bc i refuse to think of them as anything but happy They found each other over and over again and fight by each others side and find reflections of each other in everything they do… i think that’s the LEAST tragic thing in all of bsd

[chuuyadelune]

now that i have recovered from the emotional shock of seeing *that* akutagawa scene from chapter 88 animated in HD 4K (i thought i’d have another week to emotionally prepare myself LMAO), i just wanna be a little bit of a nerd and say that i really liked the cinematography/composition this episode.

in particular, i really enjoyed the anime’s decision to draw visual parallels between this fight and previous fights (in particular, the fight against francis, which is important because it is the first time they worked together).

after all, this fight is the culmination of everything they’ve done together. from the combining of their abilities, coming to an understanding with each other, realising the potential of beast-beneath the moonlight-rashoumon… bringing back similar shots that were used in previous fights is SUPER effective at highlighting the parallels and how far they’ve come, in my humble opinion.

here are a few things i noticed:

- first of all, both of them activating their abilities one after another is an explicit nod to S2’s fight;

- the confrontation/conversation in the hallway from S2 (to an extent! they’re on the same sides, which caught my eye);

- akutagawa blowing up the engine room on the ship, and kyouka doing the same during the first fight between him and atsushi (S1);

- and a similar angle being used for black tiger claws / koukko zessou as a nod to the fight in the S3 finale.

the parallels — though maybe less explicit, *are* still there in the manga? like, the entire “structure” of the fight so to speak is very similar to the francis fight in S2 — akutagawa finding atsushi, taking place on a(n air)ship, breaking away from the fight to strategise before confronting the final boss (then, francis, and now, fukuchi) is undeniably a nod to that fight? i love that this is given its due in the anime as well.

another thing about the cinematography this episode i loved was them using the clock as being the indicator of fukuchi’s fuckass space-time sword doing its thing. that was a really nice touch, in my opinion; the cuts in between were jarring and disorienting and really helped put us into sskk’s shoes.

and as for the background design alongside the clock itself — there were a couple of things about them i enjoyed:

- the number of floors / levels of the ship in the back (5, as a nod to the five ways an angel decays, the DOA)

- the blue of the clock is meant to be reminiscent of fukuchi’s sword, i’d argue, with the way both of them pops out of the sunset/orangey-red lighting

- the clock’s design being super ornate and gold plated reminds me a *bit* of a tabernacle (where they keep unused eucharist in a church) — and thus brings up connotations of sacrifice. that white bridge-thing beneath the clock as well reminds me a lot of an altar, too (see the image above the last to see what exactly i’m referring to, because image limit)

okay, yeah, that one might be a bit of a stretch, sure. but its placement as being above them, combined with the two tables/boxes to the left and right of the ship’s bow (which looks very much like a cross, btw) gives it a distinctly religious, altar-kinda feel, i’d argue. and crosses have been used in S4 as symbolism as well!

(tbh, there could even be a bit more imagery i’m missing, because — the angels of the DOA refers specifically to the buddhist conception of an angel. i’m not too familiar with buddhist imagery, but i thought that this was worth pointing out regardless!)

the last thing i want to say is that the red and blue symbolism went CRAZY this episode. i don’t have much else to say because it was super obvious — they even reused the same “black tiger claws” shot from S3, after all — but i do wanna point out that the symbolism even went into the carpets. the fucking carpets.

like, the shift: it’s red when akutagawa’s leading the conversation but changes to blue after atsushi’s suggesting of the submersible as a strategy? i mean, i don’t know if this (or anything i’ve said, to be fair) was intentional or not, but it’s a cool detail anyway!

personally, i enjoyed this episode, the action was great, and all of this too was a really neat addition as well! and now… uh. we wait for the chaos to get worse i suppose !? (laughs nervously)

[wildflowerteas]

🏜️ 🦷 ❄️ 🪐 -> for the ask game!! <3

Hi Raj!!!!

🏜️ ⇢ what's your favourite type of comment to receive on your work?

i love engaging ( when i can and when im not overwhelmed by the sheer number of comments in my inbox ) so definitely the ones that point out the little things like movie references or canon/author nods and invite me to explain t, them. however my day is absolutely made when i see someone losing their mind--- key smashing, emoji spamming, screaming, threatening to kill me, etc. etc. -- as well. those really stick with me.

🦷 ⇢ share some personal wisdom or a life hack you swear on

having a warm drink in the morning is KEY. it really does make you feel so much better than ice-cold water or milk or juice ( aka tea makes everything better )

❄️ ⇢ what's your dream theme/plot for a fic, and who would write it best?

🤫 can't spill too many details, obviously, but I'm currently plotting something for sskk--with tea, of course--and ( yet another ) skk au set in a time and place they have no business being, featuring poolside confessions, too many wasted cigarettes, lavender marriages, and love that lives on in headlines and the screen

🪐 ⇢ name three good things going on in your life right now

awww i like this one. 1. i went riding and fishing with my dad a lot during this winter break. it's always so lovely to spend quality time with him because we'll sit and chat about Lost or Dr. Who or he'll tell me about how his civilization playthrough is going or he'll let me ramble about my fics. i never notice him doing it, but when we get home there's always pictures from the day uploaded to the screensaver file for his office monitor ( they're usually not very flattering, but it's heartwarming ) so i know he enjoys spending time with me even though he grumbles when i ask.

2. I'm back on campus! it was rough getting here but i missed this place--thought it's definitely lost its shine after studying abroad--but it's homey and beautiful in a quiet, gothic way

3. im currently on call with some of the mutuals :3 i love them lots that's a good thing that is happening

[lnkedmyheart]

What gives me major ick with the voltron fandom and the movement of vld fans, particularly antis into other fandoms is this creepy and incredibly manipulative way of speaking about things. Particularly the sheith antis that have now slid into other fandoms. There is a very manipulative tendency amongst the fans to refer to Shiro and Keith as brothers and often make remarks that paint them as either biological or adoptive brothers in any and all conversations. It's to the point that sometimes the character's aren't even refered to by name but instead as x's brother. I recently saw this in a video where the dynamic is mentioned only once in a 3 part "rewrite" and it's about how Keith doesn't understand why his "brother" is not dealing well with his trauma.

Now I'm personally all for reading the dynamic in any way you see fit, but this isn't people viewing them as brotherly, this is people manipulating non regulars and outsiders or kids that don't know any better into genuinely believing that they are actually siblings and everyone who ships them is actually into incest, which it isn't. There is so much context removed after all these years since nobody is going to go and look up Bex, Lauren, JDS and JK joking about them being a couple or not being related, it's going to paint sheith shippers as those icky disgusting creeps that want to fuck their siblings and more. And that's the entire stratgy. If I want more kl shippers I should just paint that one main rival ship with a lot of canon content as off limits and problematic/ taboo.

And why I'm bringing this up is because I've seen this same behaviour slipping into BSD with Odazai. I personally do not ship Odazai. It's not my cup of tea, I also view Oda and Dazai's dynamic as one where Dazai had a one sided puppy crush while Oda viewed him as one of the kids he wanted to protect. But I see so many people insist that anyone who does ship them is a creep and deserves to be stoned to death or something. And this is done by creating a false narrative about them. Oda's age is emphasised repeatedly, people are immediately told to never ever ever say they find dark era Dazai hot (he was 18 mind you). Meanwhile people don't make as big of a deal about shipping Ango, Yosano or Ranpo with Dazai, all of whom are just as old as Oda.

This isn't even getting into the way people forcefully problematize het ships, specifically the women and insist everything there is toxic simply by virtue of it being het. Don't get me wrong, we should be calling out how much gag abuse is normalised in straight ships and we should normalise better development for female characters in a hetero ship. That being said, to insist that one is so deeply abusive while putting another with similar of not worse violence on a pedestal and pretend like none of that problematic stuff exists is beyond hypocritical.

I don't understand how some people argue that sskk is not toxic with all the brutal violence and maiming going on there while Aku/Higuchi is demonized for something a lot less insane. I don't get how allurance makes zero sense and is unhealthy when allurance was being set up from episode 1 and kl had a shit ton of a lot more of the negative behaviour from Lance towards Keith than Allura ever displayed towards Lance. I don't see why Adam was soooooo special or why Curtis suddenly had a fan following when Allurance, something being set up from day 1 was "out of nowhere". Actually I do know that one, Curtis and Adam took Shiro out of the kl equation whereas Allura was a problem for kl.

There are so many bad faith claims in fandom lately and it's not at all surprising to me that the bsd fandom on tiktok comes across as genuinely stupid sometimes. They'll believe anything, most of them are making shit up and flat out lying about it.

Even Roland Barthes is turning in his grave at how people have decimated the author.

[lanternliighting]

rambling about various bsd characters and things every day for a month :: 4/31 :: sskk

🙣 🙡🙣 🙡🙣 🙡🙣 🙡🙣 🙡🙣 🙡🙣 🙡🙣 🙡🙣 🙡🙣 🙡🙣 🙡🙣 🙡🙣 🙡🙣 🙡

Just to preface!! I'm not explicitly talking ab sskk as in a shipping sense, just looking at their interactions, dynamic, etc.

So I think it's been said to death but their character designs (esp the color scheme) make the two of them look a lot like the ying yang symbol. Akutagawa wears black with little hints of white, and Atsushi wears white with little hints of black. Light in darkness, darkness in light.

Just to expand upon the first bit, by "light in darkness" I'm referring to the moments of sympathy or humanity seen in Akutagawa (ex. caring for Gin, leaving Atsushi be in that episode after he found out the orphanage director died, etc.).

And in Atsushi's case, I'm referring to the fact that despite everything he and aku have been through together, he still dislikes him on a certain level, and is genuinely an asshole about it sometimes.

That brings me to my next point: why I don't see sskk being canon. For one, as I've already pointed out, they still dislike each other, and I don't see it changing.

Fundamentally, that stems from the fact that they both think of the other as selfish or naive. From Atsushi's standpoint, we can clearly see that he views Akutagawa negatively, as stated in the guild arc for example, he thinks that all the people that were killed by aku's hand were unnecessary.

The same holds true on Akutagawa's part too, he's bitter towards Atsushi because he's had Dazai's approval just... handed to him, unlike himself, and yet Atsushi never properly recognizes that.

Regardless of the prior statements, however, they do understand each other on some level. They still fight together, though most times it's because of orders or other such ulterior reasoning, they have developed trust in each other. This is clearly illustrated, once again in the guild arc, and when they storm the rat's hideout.

Uhh yeah TL:DR: they're a cool dynamic i love them and they should make out <3

i'll probably talk ab chuuya tomorrow :33

[eevee5627]

SPOILERS FOR CH. 119 FOR BSD!

So, in ch. 119, we see fyodor refer to Atsushi as the bookmark. I’m not entirely sure what that means to be honest. But I think it basically means that everything revolves around Atsushi. You use a bookmark to mark your place in a story. Without it, you wouldn’t know where you were in the timeline. Which brings me to my main point. I think Atsushi is going to develop time travel powers of some sort. If you move a bookmark towards the beginning of the book, you change your place in a story. And you experience the part that you had already read over again. Akutagawa already has spatial manipulation abilities, even if it isn’t on par with the divine being Ame-no-gozen, but as Fyodor said, Akutagawa can’t really hurt the divine being, since it exists on a higher plane/the fourth dimension. But the fourth dimension is TIME, so if Atsushi is able to manipulate time, then sskk has a chance to actually reach and hurt the divine being.

These time travel powers could be used to possibly bring back a lot of those who have died. Because honestly, Fyodor offered Atsushi the chance to use the other side of the page(even tho I don’t think Fyodor ever intended to actually give it to Atsushi), and I’m not entirely sure the book would have been able to bring them back. Whatever you write on the page has to make narrative sense, or it doesn’t work. So there would have to be a reason that the agency could come back. Maybe the divine being could be used as a reason but I’m not sure. Also Fyodor wouldn’t want the divine being to be used like that so I doubt he would let it happen. I’m honestly a bit confused about the page though, it doesn’t make sense to me why Fukuchi didn’t use it at the start to try and prevent the war, since he had a whole plan, wouldn’t the page have just accepted it since it made sense and was possible. I’m going to chalk that up to Fyodor’s manipulation/plans.

And the implications for Byakko and Atsushi being special is really interesting. Atsushi has a whole host of unique powers, and can cut through abilities themselves. Honestly I think Fyodor is planning to use Atsushi to do that at some point. Maybe Atsushi will end up cutting off Fyodor or other’s access to their abilites. Probably not though, that doesn’t make too much sense. But I’m wondering what Asagiri plans to bring in with Byakko and Atsushi, because clearly they are one of a kind, and I’m really interested to see the explaination for that. I’m wondering if Natsume will be dragged in, because there are theories that he has involvement with the book. I believe it because in the Osamu Dazai and the Dark Era LN, we see Oda reading some books by Natsume-sensei(I think, it’s been a while since I read it). And the books seem to correlate with Oda’s life. but some pages were torn out. Anyway, I’m wondering if Natsume will appear and maybe do something with the page and Atsushi. Because we know Natsume is incredibly smart, he even fooled Ranpo. Either way, I’m really looking forward to what Asagiri comes up with. Also wondering what has happened to Jouno and Tachihara, since they were taken under bram’s control, but now bram is dead(or semi-dead, feel like he is at least partially influencing Akutagawa).

And speaking of Akutagawa, I’m guessing he’s going to recover his memories at some point, is the sneak peak we got from watching end of season 5 is any indication. Maybe Atsushi will cut him free from the remnants of Bram’s ability? I’m also wondering what exactly has happened to those that died from the divine being. Because a shadow can’t really hurt anything? So are they really dead? I’m wondering if they were just moved to another plane of existence or something. Anyway tell me your thoughts and feel free to add on

[death-in-a-handbasket]

I have to send this here bc idk anyone else who will listen to this complaint.

Someone on Instagram commented on a thread I’m on about BSD fans and horrible takes and she’s talking about how she agrees bc “nobody in the fandom seems to understand these characters are morally gray not everything is about good and evil” and agreeing that nobody here has basic reading comprehension or “media literacy”. I go to check out her page and like most people in the fandom she does ship SKK, SSKK, and also Fyolai, also reposted things about being enemies AND lovers. But it’s also funny stuff so I want to follow. I realize she has a byf so I check it out and she says “DNI if you ship problematic ships”.

YOU CANNOT MAKE THIS SHIT UP

Both with the tone deaf shipping things that are frankly problematic and not even realizing it bc “well I like it so it must be ok, problematic is what I don’t like” mentality most ppl in fandoms have, and the complaining about media literacy and realizing this manga has a lot of gray characters… but not realizing that bc of that most ships are gonna be problematic especially if they’re enemies AND lovers. I just…

hmmmm, I see why you're irked tbh, it seems like quite the foolish thing to put down when you're already working on the premise of characters who are morally gray and/or shitty individuals, especially if they're going to ship really deranged/violent dynamics. now, no shade to fucked up and weird dynamics, I LOVE those, but yeah that technically falls under the umbrella of problematic ships. I will give you the point for being correct on how people can read rancid dynamics and be totally willfully blind to the level of rancid these dynamics are and not acknowledge it at all. hence the romance novel community referring to things that are evidently really deranged as just "dark romances" etc

however fandom and discourse had worn the meaning of problematic rather thin to the point where it sounds downright overused, it's become the new iteration of toxic, where it's really anyone's guess to what degree of severity they mean. giving the benefit of the doubt and because I haven't personally seen this person, I assume by problematic they likely mean more along the lines of pedophilia/incest and the like and are using an umbrella term to cover that field. whatever man, people are going to be vague or use a word for their own personal meaning, it's not my job to police this or pass righteous judgement on a pretty joe average fan for something rather benign

this is especially not in my field simply because I'm not a shipper, I don't ship anything from any fandom for the most part and that's not my scene, so this is even less of my area to comment

I get where your frustrations are coming from but terms these days have gotten so vague, idk man I'd just block and move on if it really bothers you

[izzy-fishy]

uhhhhhhhh. Just realizing my ass does NOT post about writing projects on here so imma do that

This weird ass “fuck it we ball” energy original story set in prohibition America

Queer dark academia with ALL the culty bs (set in 80s)

Funky lil fantasy webcomic with a strange amount of religious trauma for a webtoon with frogs in top hats

Sskk coffee shop au (only thing keeping me sane rn)

Skk teacher au (i know it’s been done a million times before but I’m doing it again fuck you)

A shit ton of Genshin ficlets (my plan is to pull these out the moment I get sick for the first time this year because writing a sick fic while sick means I’ll be able to reference my own state of being)

The chances of me posting the fics on my ao3 are very high so go me i guess? Quick jumpscare warning that these are gonna update every blue moon but I promise it’s only going to be like 37% crack

Im already a bad omen and getting Ao3 author syndrome means my mortality rate will raise significantly. If I disappear off this app for a month, just start planning my funeral. I give everything to my cat. But Mandae can have my house. I’m giving my phone to lily and I expect you to burn it. hope you have a nice day/nigh/everything (time zones are weird). and go drink some water. Dehydrated fool.

[violets-arepurple]

Sskk headcanons that are probably ooc because I'm in the need for soft things once more

Akutagawa likes to stroke through/pet Atsushis hair when they're cuddling

This is perfect for Atsushi as he do be having those cat like tendancies

Whilst Akutagawa does have money he tends to keep the expensive gifts and meals to the house were Atsushi can't see price tags as he worries that Atsushi may feel inadequate

When they do have dates it tends to be somewhere more lowkey due to their mutual dislike of crowded areas and the fact that Akutagawa is a wanted criminal regardless of how unlikely it is for him to be arrested

Preferred date spots include aquariums, botanical gardens, little tea shops, or Akutagawas place

They rarely go to Atsushis place because it's at the agency and Dazai once made a joke about making sure they keep the door open

They hold hands a lot Akutagawa has really cold hands because he's basically a sickly victorian orphan and Atsushi runs quite warm so together they make the perfect temperature

If they're somewhere secluded Akutagawa will lift their hands up so he can kiss Atsushis hand

I feel like he read some old fashioned courting books, applied some common sense and is trying his best

Atsushi usually goes for cheek kisses

When given the choice Atsushi prefers to sleep with things around him because anything else reminds him of how empty the cage is so if he's sharing a bed with Akutagawa he'll often times get Akutagawa to sleep on top of him

Akutagawa also brought extra pillows even if he completely denies it

Akutagawa also wraps rashoumon around them like a weird mix between a weighted and heated blanket

They have nights were they sit and trace eachothers scars and feel any emotions they need to without fear of judgment

Atsushi still transforms on the full moon Akutagawa was kind of freaked out the first couple of times because the tiger is overwhelmingly powerful and just didn't tell Atsushi about it

Now he's just kind of accepted that he may sometimes wake up in bed with a giant glowing tiger, with the tiger making sure he goes back to sleep

He informed Atsushi of this by asking him if he wanted to see a cute cat video and then sending him a video of himself as the tiger

Atsushi hasn't quite gotten over it or the fact that Akutagawa has a collection of video and pictures of himself and the tiger but he's never quite felt so loved

Something about the tiger being loved hits different when everyone else in his life treats him as threat

I feel like Akutagawa refers to Atsushi as 'my love' if it's just them two or something equally sappy

Atsushi is one of two people who call Akutagawa by his first name, the other being Gin

Speaking of Gin she and Atsushi get on great, they are slightly the bane of Akutagawas existence

They have eachothers contacts as brothers boyfriend and boyfriends sister respectively, they find themselves hilarious

It took a long time for them both to process Dazais past and present respectively but they're getting there

Akutagawa depends on him a bit less and Atsushi doesn't idolise him as much and they're getting towards a healthy balance

The first time Akutagawa took rashoumon of around him was when Atsushi fell asleep at the table writing reports in an effort to stay up and wait for Akutagawa to get home and woke up with rashoumon around his shoulders whilst Akutagawa was making dinner across the room

It was a massive display of trust on Akutagawas part and Atsushi has vowed never to break that trust

Atsushi display of trust came in telling Akutagawa everything that happened at the orphanage

They've briefly discussed marriage (this is further down the line) and Atsushis happy to become an Akutagawa as Nakajima as a family name means little to him

I like to think they eventually get a little black and white cat that gets spoiled rotten

They're in love your honour

[scriveyner]

kinktober (2020): #13

Prompt #13: Fingerfucking

Explicit, SSKK/AkuAtsu, ~2300 words

Akutagawa put his elbow on the table top and his chin in his hand as he watched Atsushi type something into his phone. "I do not see how an ADA detective would know what is on a Port Mafia executive's private Instagram account."

"Chuuya added me forever ago," Atsushi said.

"I wasn't referring to you."

"Oh." Atsushi stopped typing for a moment. "Good point. I'll screen cap it instead."

Read on AO3 or

The kotatsu had sprung up overnight, like some wild mushroom variant in the middle of the living room, the furniture rearranged to accommodate its sudden presence. Atsushi had been in the office all day, and when he came around the corner to see Akutagawa in a housecoat, sitting at the kotatsu and reading, a cup of tea at his elbow and book propped up by Rashomon, he stopped dead in his tracks.

"Welcome home, weretiger," Akutagawa said without lifting his eyes from the book, though he deigned to turn the page himself. "Another exciting day of tracking down the swindlers of the elderly and rescuing kittens from trees?"

"We do more than that," Atsushi said, annoyed. He sat himself opposite Akutagawa, slithering partly under the heavy duvet and practically melting, chin to the polished wooden table top. "Warm," he said, content.

"Simple pleasures for simple minds," Akutagawa murmured, though he was watching Atsushi over the top of his novel. Atsushi's eyes were already closed, but he stuck his tongue out at Akutagawa. He didn't move again for a while, so Akutagawa returned to reading, until Atsushi shifted around and burrowed headfirst under the heated table.

Akutagawa looked down as Atsushi's head popped out from underneath the duvet next to him, and he reluctantly shuffled to the side to give Atsushi more room to wiggle out, shoulders and arms emerging, but that was where he stopped, pillowing his head on his arms and coming dangerously close to purring.

"Perfect end to the day," he said happily, exhaling; and Akutagawa lifted the duvet for a moment, to ensure that Atsushi wasn't thrashing an easily-singed tail too close to the heater. Atsushi knew exactly what he was doing, and rolled his eyes dramatically. "I'm not an idiot," he huffed, as Akutagawa let the heavy cover drape back over them both.

Akutagawa gave him a Look. "Yes, you are."

"Asshole," Atsushi muttered, but propped his chin on his hand, looking at Akutagawa askance. "I thought you were supposed to be prepping to leave on some mysterious Port Mafia business that I'm not supposed to know about, I figured you'd be gone before I got home."

That was apparently the wrong thing to bring up, because Atsushi could feel the hostility roll of Akutagawa as if it were a physical thing. "Port Mafia business is none of your concern, weretiger."

"Maybe not, but it's nice to know your schedule." Atsushi yawned and scratched his chin. "Higuchi got you pulled, didn't she? I should send her flowers, I didn't want you going overseas now with everything going on, anyway."

Akutagawa said, "how did you know I was meant to go overseas?"

Atsushi stopped scratching, and hesitated. "You… talk in your sleep?" Rashomon shot out instantly, encircling Atsushi's neck and pinning his head to the floor. Atsushi yelped, grabbed Rashomon with two enormous, suddenly-furry paws. "Dazai told me," he snarled, and the tiger claws ripped through Rashomon, shredding Akutagawa's ability with a lot less effort than Akutagawa wanted to acknowledge. "Now stop it!"

Rashomon retreated into Akutagawa's housecoat, and Atsushi rubbed the back of his neck with the great tiger paw, before his hand emerged from the ability.

"Do not send my subordinates flowers," Akutagawa said icily. "It would deliver the wrong message."

"I was being sarcastic," Atsushi said.

"Regardless. Do not."

Atsushi sighed and propped himself up on his elbows. "You know, I also didn't want you to go because I'd miss you, right? Not just because I'd be worried about you." Akutagawa glared at him, and Atsushi met that glare and returned it. "I'm not insinuating you can't handle it, don't give me that look. We both know you get sick easily because you've got weak lungs, don't pretend that this is something else."

Akutagawa angrily took a swallow of his tea. He was silent for a long, long moment, savoring it. "I am unused to anyone bothering to care about my well-being," he said finally, looking straight ahead and refusing to meet Atsushi's eye.

"No shit," Atsushi said. "Get fucking used to it. And don't," he gestured broadly, "fucking Rashomon me whenever you get pissed. That's rude."

"I did not stab you this time."

"Yeah, thanks. I really do enjoy my blood inside my body instead of all over the floor." Atsushi stretched his arms all the way out in front of him, Akutagawa noting his resemblance to a large house-cat, as he got settled again under the kotatsu, the threat of potential physical conflict receded. "If I had known you were gonna throw a temper tantrum I would have stayed on my own side of the kotatsu."

Akutagawa hesitated—uncertain if it was too soon, after such conflict—but then gently settled his hand on Atsushi's head. Atsushi startled in surprise—and then acknowledged the gesture, pushing the crown of his head against Akutagawa's palm. "I'm not a house-cat," he reminded Akutagawa, whose thoughts had definitely been trending in that direction again. Atsushi didn't move his head away, though—at least, not until they both heard his phone ding, and Atsushi shifted his weight so that he could pull his phone out of his trousers. Akutagawa pulled his hand back as he shuffled around, and Atsushi settled down again, propped up on his elbows as he looked at his phone screen.

"Are you for real," Atsushi said, and held up his phone so that Akutagawa could see the screen. There was a selfie of Dazai, seated in what was clearly one of Port Mafia's private jets, Chuuya's shoulder and hair only partially in frame. "Kunikida-san is going to lose his shit when he find out that he couldn't get ahold of Dazai all day because he's fucked off to parts unknown with one of Port Mafia's top executives again."

Akutagawa put his elbow on the table top and his chin in his hand as he watched Atsushi type something into his phone. "I do not see how an ADA detective would know what is on a Port Mafia executive's private Instagram account."

"Chuuya added me forever ago," Atsushi said.

"I wasn't referring to you."

"Oh." Atsushi stopped typing for a moment. "Good point. I'll screen cap it instead."

Akutagawa idly trailed his fingers down Atsushi's back, as he was distracted with his phone and shit-stirring now. "I do think that Dazai is a terrible influence on you," he said, listening to the tactile click of the keyboard on the touchscreen.

"That's Dazai's fault then," Atsushi said. "He shouldn't be fucking off from work and posting proof where he can be ratted out." There was a moment of silence, and then Atsushi's phone started dinging rapidly. "Ah, that woke up the group chat." He lifted his head, realized that Akutagawa's hand was now resting on the small of his back. "What are you doing?"

"Well," Akutagawa said. "If Dazai and Chuuya are both on an airplane, we won't be interrupted anytime soon." He slid his hand down so that his fingers fit under the waistband of Atsushi's pants, and he pulled the tucked-in collared shirt free.

"Chuuya will kill us if we have sex under the kotatsu," Atsushi said, but didn't stop him. "Plus, who's gonna explain the burns when one of us hits the heater?"

"Who said anything about sex?" Akutagawa said.

Atsushi eyed him. "Why are you undressing me if we aren't going to have sex?"

"Don't worry about it."

Atsushi pushed himself up on his elbows again, but Rashomon slipped under him, wrapped around his biceps and pulled him forward so that he fell back onto his chest. Atsushi let out an annoyed huff, arms splayed forward. "You are not allowed to say 'don't worry about it'," he said, but didn't try to get his arms under him again. "It's terrifying when you say it."

Akutagawa used Rashomon to help Atsushi out of his pants, operating blindly and yet with a surgeon's precision, under the table. Atsushi shivered when Akutagawa put his hand on the bared skin at the small of his back, pushed his shirt up and just rested his palm there, connecting the two of them. "Your skin is so warm," Akutagawa said softly, and slid his hand down, over the rise of Atsushi's now-bared ass. "So warm."

Atsushi exhaled, the shiver more pronounced now, but not from the cold. He spread his legs slightly, dropping his hips and forcing Akutagawa to lean forward as he ran his fingers down toward his goal. He closed his eyes and tilted his head forward as Akutagawa rubbed his fingers there, dry, just feeling him out. "Gonna need lube for that," Atsushi croaked, wet his lips with his tongue.

Rashomon drifted past Atsushi's line of sight, a familiar tube in its jaws. Atsushi exhaled a laugh as lube-slick fingers replaced dry ones, and that laugh slid into something more content as Akutagawa pushed one finger inside him. "It's amazing," Akutagawa said, rubbing his finger just inside the entrance, "how this sort of thing just shuts you up."

"Mm," Atsushi swallowed, shifted, rocked on his belly a little. "Fuck you."

"Not today." Akutagawa didn't press any deeper, just shallowly thrusting the pad of his finger. He nudged with a second finger and with a little encouragement Atsushi gave to allow the additional intrusion.

Atsushi laid his head on his arms. He wasn't panting yet, but there was a small whine on the edge of his breath because the stimulation was something; but nowhere near enough to be satisfactory. "Deeper," he said finally, whinging loud now, Akutagawa's fingers just barely inside. "C'mon, you're being mean."

Akutagawa considered this, and then introduced a third finger. Atsushi gasped a moment, swallowed, and clenched on the three fingers inside of him experimentally. They still weren't particularly deep, barely past the first knuckle on his fingers, but it was marginally deeper than before. He shivered and pushed back against Akutagawa's hand again, trying to force his fingers in deeper since Akutagawa seemed more interested in teasing rather than fucking.

It was… fun, to watch Atsushi writhe, half under the kotatsu, doing indecent things to him by touch alone. Akutagawa wanted to drag it out, to make him beg for it more; but Atsushi grabbed his housecoat in one hand, yanking at it—and Akutagawa pushed his fingers in deeper in response, generating a small keening noise from Atsushi.

"Don't come," Akutagawa said, sharply, and Atsushi choked on air, started panting as Akutagawa pressed his fingers in deep again, spreading them as much as he could manage, looking for the right place to to add pressure to really make Atsushi wail. "You're not allowed to come while under the kotatsu."

Atsushi's shoulders locked, and he hung his head, one hand still tight in Akutagawa's housecoat. He had shifted all his focus to clenching now, to holding himself off—and Akutagawa smirked sharply, located his prostate finally, and pressed all three fingers against it, rubbing.

The noise Atsushi generated was inhuman, shoulders shaking but—despite clenching on his fingers again and again he didn't appear to actually climax. It was somewhat impressive a display, and wouldn't do at all. "Did you come?"

"N-no." It took Atsushi a moment to choke the word out, entire body thrumming like guitar wire with too much tension, on the verge of snapping entirely. "N-no, fuck…"

Akutagawa nodded his head with mock sympathy, rocked himself a little closer, and worked his little finger inside as well. Atsushi' mouth fell open, he tilted his head back as far as he could, but he held still.

He was extraordinarily tight. Akutagawa thrust all four fingers for a little bit, rubbing Atsushi's prostate again for good measure, before finally removing them all, enjoying the resistance Atsushi's body gave before all his fingers popped free.

Akutagawa could imagine Atsushi's hole right now, stretched and shiny with lube, and his loins ached. Atsushi put his face in his arms, panting loudly, and Akutagawa wiped his lube-slick fingers on the back of Atsushi's rucked-up shirt.

"That was fun," Akutagawa said, and picked up his tea again, taking a slow sip and somewhat disappointed that it was nearly cold now.

"Fun!?" Atsushi's voice was strangled, coming from between his arms. "God I'm so fucking hard…"

"Hmm, how does Chuuya phrase it? That sounds like a you problem." Akutagawa took another sip of his tea. He set it down just in time, as Atsushi surged upright, out from under the duvet in one smooth motion, knocking him flat on the floor, eyes ablaze. Akutagawa coughed as Atsushi straddled his chest, and laid the bright red head of his cock against Akutagawa's lips. It was shiny, slick with fluid and smelled so intensely of Atsushi's scent that he licked it without prompting and, after a moment of shuffling around to get the best angle, opened his mouth and let Atsushi push his cock inside.

It didn't take very long for Atsushi to reach climax, especially with Akutagawa sucking him; and he did manage to pull out before he came down Akutagawa's throat. He still managed to come all over Akutagawa's face and hair, however, and Akutagawa coughed, one eye closed, and used Rashomon to knock Atsushi off him entirely. When he sat up he continued to cough for a solid minute, clearing his throat, and he wiped his hand over his face, smearing Atsushi's seed into his skin.

Atsushi lay on his back where Rashomon had toppled him, arms spread and chest heaving; his cock lay against his thigh, still half-hard and glistening in the overhead light. "God damn," he said wonderingly, and they looked at each other for a moment, still breathing hard.

He rolled over and showed Akutagawa his messy hole. "If you're still hard," he said, panting, and dropped to his elbows, presenting like a dog.

Akutagawa swallowed, wiped the back of his hand over his mouth, and unfastened his trousers.

[awkward-akutagawa]

Hey! This might anger some people but fanfics aside, I genuinely don't think any of the bsd ships are likely to be canon. Like the only one I could be on board of is Atsulucy, mainly because it just seems healthy but other than that, everything else would seem forced. Maybe Akuhigu but I personally don't like that ship. I would rather their work relationship improve more than romantically. Also Aku doesn't seem like the person to be in relationships anyway but yeah thats just my opinion :)

Right.

So..

I get this feeling that this ask is because of my current header, but I was more referring to SSKK as a team rather than the ship... because they’re my favorite characters...and I like their dynamic... whether it’s romantic or canon..

Anyways, despite avidly hating Atsulucy with a passion (I do ship Akuatsulucy tho, for a debate I will not get into rn) I do agree that BSD will not have any romance involved in it at all, for two reasons.

1) That is not the genre previously established in the manga. It is primarily action and mystery.

2) The authors are real people. You have to understand that it is, on some level, an act of disrespect to the authors to put them or characters based on them in a canonical relationship.

Not saying you shouldn’t ship them in fanon, but in canon, it isn’t likely anything will happen with anyone, because again, it is pretty disrespectful.

But fanon is fanon, and although I personally disagree with many takes the fandom has, you are allowed to do what you want. Just don’t be fucking gross and respect other people. Block the tags you need to and don’t go bashing people for not shipping something. Fandom is what you make of it, it doesn’t cater to you. You need to cater it towards your interests.

And on that note, I am okay with you sending your opinions into my inbox, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to be nice about it. I can get nasty when I want to...

Sorry in advance.

-Mi

[cyanoscarlet]

A (Belated) Footnote to 2021

Sixteen days belated to be precise, but depends when you’re reading it, I guess.

In a nutshell, 2021 wasn’t the redemption arc I had hoped it would be. Kinda.

It wasn’t all bad, of course, but it drained me a lot for many reasons I don’t even know how to properly elaborate.

(More under the cut. I blab a lot.)

The best thing, of course, is that I survived to see 2022. (I’m still learning to accept that that alone is enough. My overblown ego still gets in the way sometimes. I’m learning to temper it with acceptance.)

Residency was its own kind of hard—still is, but I refer to 2021—a little less physically and a lot more everything else. I had a lot of doubts and anxiety going into second year, as our direct seniors already graduated, and we had no third years above us. Needless to say, we had to fill in the shoes of leadership a year too early. I don’t know if it served us well in the end, seeing the many crises and internal drama we went through. Stuff which were, frankly, traumatizing, and from which I don’t think I’ll ever recover from, but despite which I have to push on regardless because I don’t have a choice.

Many times I realized again and again how much I hate dealing with people, and repeatedly wondered what the hell I was smoking when I decided to become a clinician. Maybe I should have gone into pathology like my 19-year-old self would have wanted. @luckychanmd would have been prouder of me. (She is still, of course. But maybe we wouldn’t have been close friends now if I had pursued it and we became mentor-mentee. A close call, I guess.)

Adulthood is a scam.

In other things... I guess I never fell back in love with BSD. Ended up dropping the manga due to how long things were dragging with the main storyline. I will still read the light novels. Maybe that will inspire me to write proper fics for it again. I still have a couple of SSKK fics left hanging (the one for the 2021 Reverse Bang and the Cells at Work AU). Plus the Yosano project. Idk.

But!! Yuumori came into my life. It has been so long since I was last obsessed with a series like this. The last was YOI. Not even BSD inspired me to buy merch. For Yuumori, though? I bought all the anime DVDs and subscribed to Jump Square. Super worth it. Sherliam is life.

Come to think of it, I fall into fandoms when I’m at the lowest points of my life. YOI = med school. BSD = Year 1 of pandemic. Yuumori = something happened in September 2021, let’s just leave it at that. In a way, it felt as if Yuumori had saved me at that time, and now those good feelings are lightly buoying me towards 2022. Or maybe it’s because I’m calm right now. I only ever update my blog when I’m calm.

In any case, eventful 2021 is eventful. Not exactly the best, but no year ever is. You can’t tell, after all.

---

Going forward, I fully intend to concentrate on my final year of residency this 2022. No fanfics, no scanlations, no committing to anything fandom-related. Just watching and observing from the sidelines - exactly how I used to be before getting into fandoms. I’m actually happy right now, all things considered. Yawning while I type this, contented somewhat.

I won’t pray for 2022 to be a redemption arc, but if it turns out to be one, I’ll be more than glad to take it.

[almightytrashcan]

lunar year

Shin Soukoku Week 2 Day 5 - angst/jealousy

notes: short and silly and late whoops disclaimer: bungou stray dogs belongs to kafka asagiri and harukawa35

the cat is a reference to my previous sskk week entry “toe beans”

if u look closely u will see that atsushi broke the fourth wall :0

For whatever reason, Atsushi should not be feeling what he’s feeling right now.

Atsushi is a fountain of emotions. Anything just appears even though it attempts to be subtle. Everything is tempestuous, and if you look too long, could blind you.

Right now, there’s a storm brewing in the living room, one with the darkest clouds and the constant rumbling of thunder, ready to blow away all in its devastating path. Ryuunosuke doesn’t seem to notice it, but Atsushi feels it in full force, ready to consume him whole.

They decided to spend the Lunar New Year celebrations in their shared apartment, with Ryuunosuke fretting that crowds make him uneasy. Gin had visited earlier, bringing some steamed pork buns for them to snack on at odd hours of the day, as well as a small puppy charm for the both of them.

“Since it’s the year of the dog, right?”

(Atsushi had that weird feeling the dog was a reference to something…)

When she left, they had nothing else to do but laze around on the sofa, flipping the channels on the television (and briefly stopping to watch the Pyeongchang Olympics).

Their pet cat Shiro, now a handsome adult, came up to Ryuunosuke’s ankles. Atsushi noticed it first, and began to warily eye the succeeding interactions. Shiro was always fonder of Ryuunosuke, for some unknown reason, despite the fact that Atsushi was technically a cat too.

Ryuunosuke picked up the cat, and laid it on his lap. Absentmindedly, he started stroking Shiro, still hoping that the television would show him something, anything, that could pique his interest.

Beside him, Atsushi was seething. Shiro had its eyes closed and was purring softly.

A low, beastly rumble vibrated in Atsushi’s throat. It lingered the air long enough for Ryuunosuke to stare Atsushi questioningly as the latter put his hands over his mouth.

“What’s wrong?”

Fine, they can be more open about each other, right? They’ve talked about this already, and they’ve already made progress by not having the slightest killing intent against each other for the past year already. Atsushi can be brutally honest about this, to quell that angry squall in his heart.

He pointed accusingly at the cat on Ryuunosuke’s lap.

“Why Shiro?! Why not me?! Pet me too! I’m a cat too!”

“…You make it sound like I have eccentric tastes, Nakajima.”