#everything with clare is confusing

[hsslilly-blog]

hssprimefan once wrote about claire rambling about movies to customers when she worked at a drive in, and then in another instance they said her attempts at annoying hunt with bad film takes just turned into them having thoughtful discussions about film. and i often think about it. claire loving film as an art form is so dear to me. i think it’s one of those things that are truly claribel; whatever path had she gone in life, and whatever her parents had forced upon her, this is something that always would have been true of her. it’s so earnest. it’s not part of her act. this is why i don’t think she’s, like, doing the wrong thing with her life.

[clare-875]

Hey clare!!!!! I love ur fics and you seem like such a cool person!!!!!!!! I would absolutely love if you wrote a tenya iida x reader with THE MOST FLUFF YOU CAN ADD pretty please <333 you can have complete free reign over the prompt, i'll be happy with whatever teehee ;) thanks lovely <333

A Dose of Him (Tenya Iida x Reader)

_____ Pairing: Tenya Iida x Female Reader Summary: Tenya Iida is in love with you Warnings: Fluff!! A/N: Omg, my first MHA fic! Thank you for all the love, I hope this is what you were looking for! <3 [MHA Masterlist] _____

When Tenya Iida is in love, you can see it in his eyes.

Tenya never thought there could be a goal beyond becoming a hero worthy of his brother's name. But then, you walked into his life. He wishes he could say his adoration of you was built off of many interactions; deliberate and steady and methodical, just the way he liked things.

But what he soon found out was that love was quite the opposite.

It crept up onto him and grabbed a hold of him and in an instant, he was whisked away in its clutches and prone to its effects. So you can imagine when he met you on the first day in Class 1A, he was beyond surprised and almost disoriented at how one glance at you - a stranger - could influence the pace of his racing heart.

It was confusing to him at first, and he could scarcely even acknowledge that the warm feeling ignited within him was because of you: You and your words and breath and presence. But even when he himself didn't know what it was he felt, his classmates knew.

Even those usually oblivious to such things couldn't miss the ways his eyes would dart beneath his glasses at an utterance of your name. They couldn't miss the way his irises seemed to gleam whenever your light laughter blessed his ears. They couldn't miss the way his gaze searched for yours in the breadth of battles; the lingering worry and anxiety clearing only in the aftermath, when he acknowledged that you were safe and sound.

When you started dating, your shared love could only amplify the devotion in his eyes.

He confessed to you early in your second year, his nerves exceeding even what he felt in his Hero Licence Exam. It had been an ordinary afternoon to any other individual but to him it was everything. His plan was simple and thought out: to get you to join him outside once class was over for the day. What he didn’t expect was for his anticipation to brim so much, he could scarcely get the words out. Ultimately when he had gotten himself together enough, he had stood straight and bowed to you rigidly.

“[y/n] [l/n]... I have liked you for a long time now. Would you please do me the honour of going out with me?"

He didn’t expect your response to be your light laughter. But you couldn’t help yourself at the formal and serious and just Tenya-way of his confession. However, when he lifted his head in time to hear you say yes, you can see in his eyes that they shone with pure honesty, devotion and love. “Yes, Tenya Iida. I would love to go out with you.” Your words to him were the beginning of a happiness he had never felt before.

When Tenya Iida is in love, you can feel it in his touch.

Before you started dating, Tenya could stare inquisitively at his hand you brushed for lengths of time. It was to the point where Midoriya would ask if there was something wrong with his hand. Any time he felt a flutter of your warmth when you stood close to him, or even in the passing of your presence he was frustratingly flustered. When you hugged him once he had fully recovered from his fight with the Hero Killer Stain, he swore he had a heart attack.

When the both of you started dating, Tenya had to learn quickly to get used to your touch for the sake of his poor heart. But in turn, in every caress and hold of his, you could feel his gentleness and care and utter love. He treated you like you could almost break under his hold, but you also never felt safer than when you were in the confines of his secure arms.

Every battle you were paired in he would subconsciously pull you close to him. In the aftermath, he could never be satisfied until his arms were wrapped around you once more. On dates, his hand would hardly leave yours. His touch would linger as he guided you away from oncoming traffic, helped you into your seat, and held your bags of shopping. In his mind, it was a given: You were his girlfriend and it was his duty to treat you as such. But to you, he was simply a gentleman amongst men.

And he was completely and utterly yours.

In lazy afternoons he has you in his arms, and when he is finally used to your presence enough to feel bold, his touch would linger on the flesh of your bare skin. It was like you were built just to melt into his embrace, and he always felt an unmistakable loss whenever you weren't. He would never say it aloud though, due to his irrevocably stubborn and flustered nature, but you would know the next day when he would scarcely leave your side.

"Are you okay? You've been following me around all day."

"I'm just... I'm just practising my stealth skills. No need to worry."

You could roll your eyes at his bullshit excuse, but your heart could only warm when you saw the pink on his cheeks. Before your boyfriend even knew what was happening, you had moved and shoved your face into his chest. Two of your arms wrapped themselves tight around his torso. "L-love? What's wrong?" He looks down at your attachment to him, and his own arms wrap themselves instinctively around you. However, his eyes widen when you lift your head and let a knowing smile enlighten your features.

"If you wanted a hug, you could've just asked for one you know?"

His heart pounds faster against your ear.

When Tenya Iida is in love, there won't be a day that you aren't reminded of just that: he loves you.

You are currently in your boyfriend's room and leaning heavily against his shoulder as he points out words that lose shape in your tiredness. "-and this, love, is what you do when you need to find the integral of this term. You see, you cannot-" His words are a jumble in your mind, and you faintly wonder why even in your hero course, you are doing mathematics. "Love, are you listening? It is of utmost importance that you learn this before your exam next week."

You hum at your boyfriend's blunt words, somehow they take an edge of gentleness when it is you he is talking to. "I'm listening baby, just resting my eyes for a bit." You promptly go from leaning on his shoulder to placing your head on his lap; a much more comfortable position you find for your aching neck and head. You can feel your boyfriend freeze briefly at your change in position, before seeming to relax once more. You can hear the sigh he lets out under his breath.

"Perhaps, we have done enough studying for today."

You smile and open your eyes briefly at his words, but surprisingly to you, Tenya is already looking down at you with softness in his gaze. "What do you say, love? I will walk you back to your room." As he softly speaks to you, one hand caresses your face gently and your lips upturn further in delight. His touch is heavenly after a day of torturous study, and despite being grateful for your intelligent boyfriend, you find yourself wishing it had been a day spent doing something more fun together.

As you look up to him through your eyelashes, you clutch his other hand and intertwine it in yours. Tenya feels his face flush red at your gentle hands caressing his. "No, let's stay here a while. Please?" Normally, Tenya would've upheld the rules of an approaching curfew and obliged to his role as class representative. However, his stature seems to melt just by your sleepy gaze and uttered words. "Okay, love." You grin in satisfaction and let out a small laugh of glee before focusing your attention on his hand once more and relishing his touch.

Soon, and completely expected by Tenya, you fall asleep.

You don't know it, but your boyfriend lets you lay there a little while, though mostly for the selfishness of having you in his presence just a moment longer. He then uses his strength to pry you gently into his arms, getting ready to take you to your room. As he travels the corridors he pays no mind to the teasing words of his classmates nor the "that's so manly," comment made by Kirishima. No, his gaze is solely on you, and his importance on making sure his peers stay quiet enough for you to sleep. His heart lurches when you snuggle closer to his warmth.

When he finally lays you in your bed, he hesitates for a moment before placing a kiss on your forehead and gently removing the deathly grip you have on his shirt. He sees you frown at the loss in contact and proceeds to internally swear that it was the most adorable sight he's ever seen. "Good night love." His words are merely a whisper in the dark room. "I love you." He witnesses your lips upturn and he smiles adoringly.

When Tenya Iida is in love you could never question it, because he encompasses it in everything he does, just for you.

[dirtyslag96]

Idiots in love-James Maguire

Pairing: James Maguire/fem!reader

Rating: PG-16

Words: 1,331 words

Warnings: Fluff, Lying, Curse words, use of Y/N, love interests being idiots in love and oblivious to eachothers love for the other, not proof read

Synopsis: You notice James subtly trying to get your attention and you're not sure why, so you try to find out as you perhaps started developing feelings for the Brit. you're sure of one thing, and that no matter how hard you had tried to lie, he will find out.

My Masterlist

a/n: based on prompt #1018 from this list (“Shut up, I’m trying to confess my love to you.”) ". requested by @themallonbisexualmess , also I would appreciate some tips since I'm still new to writing fics, also dialogue between the five will be characterised by the colour, Y/N, Orla, Erin, James, Michelle, Clare

The first day you met James you considered him quite odd, not only because he was English but also he was attending an all girls school and was somehow Michelle Mallon's cousin.

All six of you were sat at Erin and Orla's house after school playing board games when suddenly the home telephone rings.

"would someone go get that its making me deaf for Christ's sake", said Erin.

"Gerry make yourself useful would ya", announced Joe, clearly annoyed by Erin's father.

Gerry looked confused but nevertheless walked over to answer, "Hello?, Yeah she's right here", a couple of seconds later, "I'll let her know"

"Y/N, your parents want you back home in 10 minutes"

"Oh, isn't it a bit early? did they tell you why?", you were confused since it was still 9 o'clock and your parents usually have you curfew by 12.

"No, would you like a ride home?", you never understood why Joe hated Erin's dad so much considering he was the most thoughtful and caring one of all your parents.

"For fuck's sake Y/N did you do something?", Michelle alway commented on everything happening.

"Yeah its a bit weird"

"James, how many times have I told you we do not care"

Seeing James' dissapointed face made you even sadder you were leaving early, though you never understood why your mood also often depended on his. Perhaps you had feelings for him? no, you wouldn't believe it even if you did.

"I'll be on my way then, see you tomorrow", involuntarily you felt yourself looking at James. "Thank you Gerry I would appreciate it if you got me a ride home"

"Bye Y/N!", all of them shouted.

"Finally being useful for once", you heard Joe snicker as you left out the door.

The next day, you had told Clare about it, she said that you definitely have some feelings for him, since you trusted Clare's judgement you've started noticing that James mostly starts conversations directly to you. Clare also had pointed out that when the Ukrainian girl showed up hitting on James, that you had been more closed off and easily exasperated than usual.

The six of you were suspended since Michelle and James had broken the statue "The Child of Prague", while arguing so you all had agreed to meet up at Erin's place for the week. Your mix of emotions towards James had led you to unintentionally start avoiding him, surprisingly Michelle and Clare had been subtly trying push you two together. You speculated that Clare must've told Michelle or that they had also felt a drift between you and James.

Orla pulled out a board game that had the six of you pair up into three teams of two, to decide who would be paired together you all wrote your names at placed it in a random jar that Erin found in the kitchen.

"Orla and...", Clare!", Erin said as she was the one who pulled out the names.

"Interesting..", muttered Orla as Clare took in a loud sigh.

"Y/N and..", "James!", was the universe really fucking with you? you look at him, seeing his happy face made you feel things you never expected to feel for James, then you attempted to avert his gaze but soon enough you looked up to his disappointed and baffled face to why you were trying to avoid him.

Michelle noticed the tension between you two so she broke the deafening silence, "So that leaves me n' you Erin, this is rank".

"Start without me I don't feel well I feel like throwing up, I'll be up in the bathroom", in truth you wanted to be as far away from James as you can so you practically dash upstairs to Erin's toilet. The rest of the five looked quite baffled since nothing seemed wrong with you but you have been acting rather weird these past few days.

You heard a pair of footsteps coming up the stairs and you assumed someone had come up looking for you, you heard a knock on the door, you were praying it wasn't him. But then again you heard knocking again and a voice, James' voice "Y/N are you okay in there?".

You had two options either lie and say you were sick or...

"Y/N!", his voice yet again heard, interrupts your train of thoughts, so you slowly walk over to the bathroom door and open it.

"oh.. hey you said you weren't feeling well so I came up here to check on you but you seem fine right now", right now you couldn't have felt any better since he came up here concerned, the way his hair was ruffled yet tidy, the way his accent affected his words, and his voice.

You remained quiet for a long time, "uh-i guess I didnt need to throw up after all", you said as you tried to push past him to get out of the small bathroom that could have suffocated both of you with the amount of tension in the air.

To your surprise he shifted quickly, blocking you and closing the door acting like a shield. "what-"

"no, I don't get it you've been avoiding me! why? did I do something wrong for fuck's sake Michelle even noticed! she asked if I annoyed you but I would never do it on purpose just please tell what is going on!", his outburst surprised since usually he was quiet and self preserved.

"there's nothing wrong James I don't know where you're getting that idea from"

slowly he stepped forward before he spoke, "you are lying, I can tell-"

"I-, what? this is ridiculous James let me out of here!"

Unbeknownst to the both of you, the rest of the group followed James upstairs and are now listening to your conversation through the door.

"No! not until you tell me what's wrong, have I upset you, , I notice everything about you don't you get it Y/N- ?", his face nearly made you crumble, you felt bad for irritating him as much as you are right know but you are not confessing why you have been avoiding him.

"for crying out loud, no James you haven't upset me in any way shape or form, this is stupid-", you were both cutting each other off, he was not letting you lie, while you were trying not to let him catch on to your feelings.

"Would you shut up, I have been trying to confess my emotions of love to you all week, and you have been simply ignoring that do you know how hurt I felt thinking I had upset you or something!”

You were in genuine shock and you were sure you heard a few gasps from outside the door.

"Do you actually feel that way James? because if so then so do I.."

Like magnets, you both came forward pressing your lips together, you felt him smile. Next thing you know the rest of the girls opened the door and saw both of you, they yelled and talked over eachother at the same time

"OH FINALLY!", exclaimed Clare,

"The form of human art always so interesting", Orla muttered as always,

"Congrats?!", Erin was quite unsure of what to say since she found two of her best friends kissing in her bathroom.

"FINALLY! you two took a long time figuring each other's feelings I was tortured by James talking about you all the time, and Clare the poor girl had to endure you talking about James!", you assumed Michelle would hate the idea of one other bestfriends and her cousin being together.

"What the fuck!", you both yelled while slamming the bathroom door closed and hearing giggles not the other end, you and James looked at each other and started laughing.

"You two get back out here I'm still not a hundred percent on the pair of you, but just because I approve doesn't mean you can start fucking"

"Yeah please not inside of my bathroom either!"

fin.

[daily-clace]

Clary followed her gaze. For a moment she couldn’t see what the other woman was staring at. She saw the chaos of fighting, blood in the snow, the spark of starlight on blades and the harsh glow of the Citadel. Then she real realized that the battle seemed to be resolving itself into an odd sort of pattern—something was cutting a path through the middle of the crowd, like a ship slicing through water, leaving chaos in its wake. A slender black-clad Shadowhunter with bright hair, moving so fast, it was like watching fire spring from ridge to ridge in a forest, catching everything ablaze.

Only in this case the forest was Sebastian’s army, Endarkened falling one by one. Falling so quickly, they barely had time to reach for their weapons, much less raise them. And as they fell, others began to fall back, confused and uncertain, so that Clary could see the space that was being cleared in the middle of the battle, and who stood in the center of it.

Despite everything, she smiled. “Jace.”

Cassandra Clare, City of Heavenly Fire

[kiwiandorange]

What if Feyre named herself Nesta instead of Clare? What if Amarantha didn't kill Nesta?

I read a one-shot with this "what if it was Nesta, not Clare" some time ago, and if I'm not mistaken, the plot that made Feyre name herself Nesta was that the two were very similar, enough for strangers to confuse them. And finally, the one-shot ends with Feyre mourning Nesta's death in a tomb, or something like that (it's been a while since I read it).

My point is: what if Amarantha didn't kill Nesta? "ah but it doesn't make sense" huh but it also doesn't make sense that Amarantha wouldn't kill Feyre and give her challenges and an opportunity to break the curse 😆. everything starts from "what if". So what if Amarantha had fun with the idea of Nesta being Feyre's sister (but Amarantha doesn't know who Feyre is) and decides to keep Nesta to have fun with her sister's "betrayal"? I haven't thought much beyond that...

🇧🇷 E se Feyre desse o nome de Nesta no lugar de Clare? E se Amarantha não matasse Nesta?

Eu li uma one shot com esse "e se fosse Nesta, e não Clare" tem algum tempo, e se não me engano o enredo que fez Feyre dar o nome de Nesta foi que as duas eram muito parecidas, o suficiente para que fossem confundidas por desconhecidos. E por fim, a one shot termina com Feyre lamentando a morte de Nesta em um túmulo, ou algo assim (faz tempo que li).

Meu ponto é: e se Amarantha não matasse Nesta? "ah mas não faz sentido" ué mas também não faz sentido que Amarantha não matasse Feyre e lhe desse desafios e uma oportunidade pra destruir a maldição 😆. tudo nasce do "e se". então e se Amarantha se divertisse com a idéia de Nesta ser a irmã de Feyre (mas Amarantha não sabe quem é Feyre) e decida manter Nesta pra se divertir com a "traição" da irmã dela? não pensei muito além disso...

[thissnackbitesback]

Okay so I have an idea for a fluffy Poly!Lost Boys x Reader Oneshot where whether or not Religious Objects work against vampires entirely depends on what Faith the vampire followed as a human. And yes I know thats a facet from Cassandra Clares Shadowhunters Universe (and perhaps others) but I would love to see it applied to The Lost Boys.

The basic rundown is as follows;

Y/n is a relatively new addition to the Lost Boys pack, having joined up after wandering into their territory (Which for the oneshot we'll say is the Boardwalk and Hudson's Bluff, as well as everything in between) already a full vampire, (If you want to impliment some kind of Fated Mates thing by all means go for it) which was maybe 6-8 months ago. Since then the boys have gotten to know their new packmate (or mate) by a fair amount, the only subject Y/n refuses to talk about is religion. Dwayne suspects some kind of religious trauma, and he's partially correct, but he's under the incorrect assumption that it hasn't been addressed or even acknowledged by Y/n.

Marko and Paul, on the other hand, decide to get a little sneaky, and David, genuinely curious himself, just lets them. Thus begin the subtle shenanigans.

The Terror Twins begin leaving seemingly random religious symbols around the cave, trying to see which ones would have a negative effect on Y/n, but Y/n either doesn't notice them or Marko (who I headcanon as a Jewish/Italian Immigrant because Alex Winter is Jewish. Also because I can 100% envision Marko PARKOURING over walls n' shit to evade Nazi Footsoldiers during the Holocaust and laughing while doing so simply to taunt them. Footnote; I stan the Italian Stallion. If you recognize that from Tumblr you are now my new best friend. No you don't get a choice, have a snack and take a seat) and Paul (who isn't Jewish and thus handled the Jewish Symbols because Marko cannot touch them or he risks burning/injuring himself) forgot to include objects accosiated with a particular religious faith or multiple thereof. Dwayne is off in the corner with this 'disappointed dad friend' aura about him directed towards Marko and Paul's less-than subtle shenanigans. David is (maybe) lounging in his wheelchair, but is watching Y/n just as closely, but leagues more subtly than Marko and Paul (as David is a smooth SOB and not a mildly unsophisticated chaos gremlin like Marko nor a rambunctious golden retriever like Paul.)

Eventually Y/n gets fed up with coming across random religious symbols and very lpudly asks what the hell is going on. Before showing immense amusement in some way at the response they get and confusing the four boys even further and divulging that they're an athiest.

The boys are all stunned, before realization sets in, that explains why Y/n is so good at ignoring religious symbols and can even set foot on Hallowed Ground. They're basically a "perfect predator". Prayer and Religious symbolism wont deter them in the slightest.

Y/n is visibly tense, waiting for the boys to either shun or belittle them for their lack of faith, and getting a vastly different response.

----end of rundown---

Basically its a Regilious Faith -or lack thereof- acceptance/comfort prompt.

If someone wants to make this into a FULLY FLESHED-OUT oneshot or even make it into a series of oneshots or a full story, by all means go right ahead all I ask is that you PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE tag me in it.

If there are copyright issues preventing this then just ignore this entire prompt I guess.

[webanglikethat]

things ram and devi have done and said without even saying they’re in love / being in a relationship because they drive me insane:

Ram defied orders from the LITERAL goddess because he didn’t want Devi to die, thus ignoring his duties

-> like …. he willingly let another woman DIE in Devi’s place and !!!! this act had been committed five years ago, when the affection between the two had BARELY begun blossoming

-> “Why bother when the goddess herself allows you to decide people’s fate?” had been Devi’s question to him, but little did she know, he already defied every rule for her, going against literal fate

he saved Devi during the arson, putting her before his own BROTHER

he went after Devi when she took off on an horse during the attack, and carried her in his arms back to safety (which he realllyy didn’t have to do 🤭)

it’s revealed he would purposefully change his route to catch a glimpse of Devi

-> Ram’s wishful desire was to see her at every service; just hoping to catch her smile along the hallowed halls where once they met

he “noticed an unfamiliar feeling rising inside him” when he met her again

Ram always found an excuse to touch Deviya — holding her hand to lead her somewhere, brushing his fingers over her cheek to calm her, cupping her face, putting a hand on her waist, trapping her against the wall, his finger on her lips, holding her hands tighter as if it could heal her holding her waist as she straddled him

he said he “missed her smiling at him”

he kissed her neck (quite literally marking her) while thinking of how De Clare would react, not realizing the jealousy that was growing in his heart at the thought of losing her to him

-> which he then said (in season 2) he’d do it on her wedding day too !!

-> in the same episode he tried to pretend he doesn’t care about their engagement 💀, mission failed my dude 🤭

“That. The way he felt when she was near him. The reason he always looked for her in the crowd and couldn’t stop teasing her”

ram always thought of marriage as a transaction, a duty to be fulfilled, something he simply had to do. and love? love wasn’t a necessary equation. that’s what his family line looked like — alliances, partnership, all devoid of tenderness. but Deviya awakened something in Ram — and for the first time, he was confused and lost

“It’s ironic that even with all the knowledge and wisdom of the world at my disposal, I still can’t figure this out on my own. I’m almost thirty, and for all of my life I have denied myself what I wanted because the greater good was more important. And in all this time… no one has ever been able to enchant me as much as…”

Ram talked Devi through her anger at the reception so she wouldn’t make a mistake in front of her guests and lose the position she had so long worked for (he helps her see the bigger picture)

Ram told her their connection wasn’t for nothing. they were fated for a reason

the less often he saw her, the more he wanted to see her

-> and if she didn’t came, he would wait for her

he noticed everything she did — be it the way she shifted from foot to foot when she was nervous or how she looked at him in fear (from the subtlest of things to the most obvious, he noticed it always)

he teased her about how much she liked him but then said:

“such a rakhasi cannot possibly die. I need her”

admitting, even if it was meant as a tease, that he could no longer exist in a world in which her presence didn’t fill his heart’s pages

he comforted her on the day of her death, quickly realizing that:

“/ wish this had happened to me instead... hasn't she been dealt enough pain already, in her life?”

“when Ram realized how sincere his desire to take all Deviya's troubles for himself was, it quickly became clear that their secret relationship had taken on a new meaning … growing into something profound”.

what started as a perhaps meaningless, fleeting, teasing affair quickly turned into something more — something he couldn’t put a name to, but he could feel encompassing his body every single second

he could no longer pretend it was just for fun or a distraction

so he finally mustered up the courage to ask Devi to be with him (but not officially 😔) even if it was in secret — for he would rather have her in secret, than lose her be it to death or another man. 

noticing how distressed she was, he closed his eyes and then slowly began kissing her fingers. Devi noticed that his eyelashes were trembling. “he’s nervous as well, but once again he tries to reassure me first, even though he could use some support himself."

he always put her before himself, over and over again. this isn’t something he was taught, like I mentioned before. for him, marriage or love was based on children, mutual respect and the husband’s views. yet he interminably put himself in the background, just to help Devi shine

“they kissed each other gently and yet desperately at the same time, as only doomed lovers can kiss.”

“he was with her right at that moment. sharing her pain and fear... would that have been possible if what they had was fleeting? he always chose her, no matter what.”

Ram: “I'll be with you. no matter what.” Devi: “I know”

he fought for her, allowing her to escape

and her thoughts led to him, even as she bled out

“the very thought of losing him was unbearable. and just as things were beginning to blossom between them.” “dying would be a little easier if you were holding my hand right now”

"I'm with him in my thoughts, heart, and soul." // "even if it doesn't make any real sense, it does for me. l feel calmer this way."

being away from her, when she was in a coma, made Ram feel like he was dying too // the thought of losing him (as she actively died) felt even worse than death

-> his biggest dream was being able to touch her again, to gaze into her eyes, to see his affection being mirrored in hers. to hear her laughter again was all he could hope for

they risked MULTIPLE times to be caught just to bask in each other’s presence — even if it was only for a few moments because the risk was worth it — they are worth it to each other

his face “instantly lost colour” when she mentioned her wedding

he tried pretending it didn’t hurt him — that he could accept it, that he could have a part of her and let it be enough, but they both knew the truth

so she laid out her future: her married to De Clare, visiting India from time to time, meeting Ram’s wife — but not him because he would still remain a coward who couldn’t voice what he wanted

so he finally let his feelings free and kissed her, marking her neck (in the middle of the hall where everyone could’ve caught them)

he touched her under the table — at dinner, where again, anyone could’ve seen them !!!

the moment Devi’s smile faded, Ram noticed immediately and shifted his tone, asking softly, “is something wrong?” -> he is SO attuned to her emotions, so skilled at noticing even the slightest change — which is especially important since Ram isn’t portrayed as someone who does this for just anyone

they know each other well enough to play off each other’s words without malice — their banter is so much fun (especially on passion route)

he fingers her in the library 🤭 he’s SO careful with her even though it’s obvious they’re both overwhelmed by the connection — he’s letting her set the pace and the fact that Ram doesn't push, but instead allows her to slowly move at her own pace, amplifies her vulnerability and makes her every move feel more significant. she’s still confused on what she wants and he lets her explore it on her own, and she knows he will wait for her

he wanted to dance with her despite not knowing how to — and in front of everyone too !! he was ready to embarrass himself for her

-> he is so caught up in her that he’s willing to push past his own comfort zone, even if it means embarrassing himself a little; as long as he can witness her smile

now she is the one who takes the power and kisses him, marking HIS neck — and so they imagine each other naked, finally taking the next step and ….

he finally admits it to himself.

He wanted to finally understand what it meant to connect with the woman he loved with all his heart.

Ram Doobay is in love with Deviya Sharma.

[fleabagsjoy]

Ok so i just binge-watched Oniisama E (Dear Brother) and i have.... thoughts. And feelings.

(SPOILERS AHEAD!)

Not super eloquent ones, I don't have any type of degree or formal education on writing or media analysis, i'm just word vomiting what i think and feel without any sources or facts to back it up so i hope that's okay. And i feel like i should preface with the fact that i didn't actually watch the last four episodes because i dreaded having to sit through Kaoru and Mariko ending up with men idgaf about, and instead read a summary of those last four episodes on Wikipedia.

With that being said, i absolutely loved this anime, i had already watched Revolutionary Girl Utena and everyone who enjoyed that one was talking about this anime so i figured I'd give it a try too and i don't regret it at all. The characters, the setting, the ANIMATION, the main plot and subplots (some of which i enjoyed more than others), i enjoyed it all.

I don't want to point out the obvious about the ending, we all know. But i was prepared, went in with the mindset of completely ignoring eps 36-39, specially the "Real Love is Heterosexual Love" speech that it pulls in the last couple episodes, so i'm not that upset by it. I will say that putting "you will only know what true love is when you find a man for yourself" is some twisted, sexist and lesbophobic stuff to put in an anime where Nanako, Rei and Mariko canonically fall in love with girls and whoever came up with that will not be seeing the pearly gates of heaven. And if that wasn't enough, they had to make the girls end up with men because uuhhh i guess they have to! But anyways, i still read the summary of what happened in those last four episodes.

I read a review from 3 years ago by medivhtirisfal that mentioned this and i'm so glad i'm not the only one but this really reminds me of a series of books that i used to collect when i was younger about an all girls boarding school and all types of adventures and mischief they got up to (the St. Clare's series) and i guess part of me always craved more of that. Oniisama E scratched that itch i suppose, i'll always crave all female casts and to see interactions and relationships that form between them, all types of relationships really: sisterhood, platonic, romantic, sexual, healthy, toxic, simple, complex... women stories matter! And i love when they're the center and backbone of the plot.

Now back to the actual anime. I haven't read the manga yet, don't think i will for a while even though i do like the mangakas artstyle from the few panels i've seen. But like i mentioned, Oniisama E reminds me of those books i used to collect, it's a string of events that happen during the first school year at an all-girls academy of our main character Misonoo Nanako.

It was very satisfying to see Nanako be a bit more submissive when everything and everyone was new to her vs. becoming more confident in her decisions and standing up for herself and others she cares about later on. She was always very caring for others, but i do feel like she let herself be shoved around in the first few episodes so seeing her stand up for Rei against Fukiko and quit the Sorority because of her loyalty not just to Mariko, but to herself and her values, made her one of my favorite characters. Also who can't relate to falling in love with Rei... Asaka Rei was undoubtedly one of the reasons that got me to watch the anime.

I gotta prepare myself before i write a paragraph for her because wow... too much to unpack. I can't elaborate better than some other Asaka Rei understanders about the intricacies of witnessing her own mother take her life in front of her daughter, after telling her to protect and take care of Fumiko, and how that pressure of committing to her mother's final wish lead to Rei's confusion of feelings for her own sister, devoting her everything to her, even her life. I suspect never dealing with the loss of her mother properly is what lead to Rei's severe depression and inability to understand all types love and bonds that she could have with other people, seeing Fukiko as her beginning and end from that moment.

Needless to say that, as much as i wanted her to realize this and free herself from this torment so she could deal with her trauma properly, she had to do it by herself so she could gain some sense of self and build an identity outside of someone she worshiped for so long and SPECIALLY before getting into a relationship with anyone (r.i.p. nanakorei). She's the most tragic character in this story to me, all of this started at a very young age and she had no way to get out of it and when she got close to that, the plot decided to say NOPE. NO CHANCES OF A HAPPY ENDING FOR YOU. Bottom line is: she desperately needed therapy. Veeery early on.

I have to follow up with Ichinomiya Fukiko, a really toxic and abusive teenage girl with too much power over the other girls at school, she lives in a bubble built for incredibly rich people (as do many of the other characters), leader of the Sorority (an academy "elite club"). One of the best things about shoujo ai like this is that all female characters are so fleshed out and have so much to give to the viewers and Fukiko is no exception. I will say that i fail to see a character that has so much (negative) impact on most of the other main characters as she was very often abusing/taking advantage of/humiliating others.

It's definitely because of her upbringing but she always bottled up her feelings to keep up a façade of composure, with Nanako's constant defiance, after confronting her feelings for Henmi and her relationship with Rei, as well as after the abolition of the Sorority, we gradually got to see different sides of her. She's... complicated. Not an evil mastermind or anything, her attempts of sabotage seemed very desperate adn half-hearted, but she could still be very cruel and take advantage even of people she claimed to love. Still, Fukiko was one of the main driving forces of the story and i can always appreciate a character like that.

Of course that leads me to Orihara Kaoru! She is probably one of the most consistent characters in the anime, loyal, determined and resolute, very sure of where she stands, oh my god... i'd crush on her so hard too if i was one of the girls at the academy. I loved the relationship she had with Rei, the soulmateism was off the charts, they had an incredibly intimate bond that no one could replicate and, besides Nanako, i felt for her the most when Rei passed away. I'm pretty sure her having to face the past between her and Henmi was also a big part of her character but again, i really don't wanna witness how that ends so i'm not gonna elaborate too much on what happens in the last four episodes, which is unfortunate because i'm sure a lot of her own development as a character happens in those but whatever...

I didn't expect this when i started Oniisama e but Shinobu Mariko is my favorite character!! It took a while for her to grow on me but i love her a lot. Mariko is mostly known for the misandrist lines (which... real) and i appreciate that she never really changed that (until #those episodes but i won't consider them strictly canon for my sake), but she had such a great story arc with facing her loneliness and facing the problems she had with her parents. I'm no psychologist but BPD is heavily implied and from what i've seen by other fans with BPD, a lot of symptoms were shown throughout the anime, which i appreciate since Mariko wasn't villainized and was instead shown as someone with her own issues with boundaries and relationships at first but that she could manage and balance in a healthier way later on... it's not something you can easily see in anime, specially not from this time. I was really happy when Mariko, Nanako and Tomoko became a great friend trio who could rely on each other halfway through, another testament to her character development.

Tomoko was one of my favs as well! A lot of other characters were very interesting and had important moments in main characters arc like Misaki and Henmi. It's been a while since i've seen an older shoujo but the animation and editing was fascinating to me, very gorgeous, over the top sometimes but we need that! What happened to that! Anyways it's very beautiful, i appreciate it. The intro song will stick with me too and the damn Academy bell... Very melodramatic, but very fun, it's a hit for me!

I'm still grieving Rei so i can't really face anything that happened in eps 33-35. We're past making the lesbians suffer, NANAKO AND REI DESERVED THEIR DATE ON THE BEACH!!

I fear i will be upset by that for the time being but hey, that's what fanfiction is for.

[agattthaa]

Belong

Pairing: Ram Doobay x Deviya Sharma

Word count: 1.910

Rating: T

Summary: Ram disappeared after the news of Devi's engagement. She wanted to know why.

She was insane. She knew that better than anyone. But Devi simply couldn't help herself.

Going to a man's room, alone, and she even let people be aware of it.

And the room wasn't even her fiances.

She still dreaded calling the general that, but she had to accept it. Her tutor and ex family friend had already accepted the engagement so now her future seemed pretty much set on stone.

Well, at least for everyone else

But more terrifying than the sudden tiger in her living room and the damned general that would become her husband, were her own feelings.

At that damned party where she discovered that her future had already been set behind her back, the only thing that hurted more than the betrayal from the people she trusted was Ram's face.

She could feel him almost as well as she could feel herself. All the anger, resentment, pain and regret that they felt, they did together. She didn't need anything other than to look into his face to know it. The heads of Basu and Doobay celebrated, the head of Kai regretted and the future Mr. Sharma looked very pleased with the situation. But all that the head of Sharma could feel was her heart leaving his cavity and dropping to the floor when Ram simply turned around and left.

Left her.

No one seemed to notice, and if they did, they didn't care.

Amrita Kai, her once dearest friend, seemed to have lost her sadness for Devi when she realized that her beloved fiance was very pleased with the situation, and had the audacity to congratulate her on the engagement. After that, Devi spent the entire evening being congratulated while she just wanted to run away.

This time, Devi didn't stop and knocked on the door, simply barging in. Ram was standing in the corner of his room, his hair was still wet and it looked like he had just finished getting dressed. When Devi's eyes met his, for the first time in their lives, Devi felt that he was surprised to see her.

The surprise only lasted a couple seconds, but he didn't stop her when she closed and locked the door behind her, never taking her eyes out of him, as if she was scared that if she did, he would simply fade.

He had a mean smirk before he spoke.

-Look if it's not the most desirable wife-to-be.

-Ram...

-What do I own the pleasure, future Mrs. De Clare?

Devi lifted her eyebrow, clearly letting herself be annoyed by him.

-So this is how you wanna do this?

-I'm not doing anything, Miss Sharma. I was simply getting dressed before you barged in. -Her annoyed look didn't fade as she slowly walked towards him. -In a single man's room, may I remind you. I'm scared to think what would happen if we get caught.

Her lifted eyebrow soon gave space to the smallest smirk.

-I'd have to marry you. No big deal.

It was his turn to be annoyed.

-Now this is a joke to you, Sharma?

-You never paid any mind to it before, I am shocked by your sudden worry.

-You are engaged, Deviya.

-If you never proposed to me, you were always aware that I was going to marry another man.- She stopped. They were now only one step away from each other. He looked at her as if he wanted to be as far away from her as he could, and still, he didn't move at all. -You already knew it the last time I came into this room, and that never stopped you before.

He sighed as he ran his hand through his hair.

-This is not the same, Devi. You know that.

-Oh, I'm glad to be Devi again. -He rolled his eyes and she lifted her eyebrow. -Please, oh mighty Mr. Doobay, enlighten me how this is any different.

-You are getting married, Devi.

-Yes. We both knew that for over a week. And you completely despaired for over a week. Why?

For the first time that week, he looked into her eyes. He could see everything she was hiding, almost as if she was a book written in a language only he knew how to speak. He could see the confusion, the loneliness and the fear that she hid behind that facade of anger. He could almost hear himself saying the words she so clearly wanted to hear.

Almost.

-I don't know what you're talking about. I've been exactly where I always am. The temple. You would know if you actually came to the service.

Devi stared into his eyes. They both knew she wouldn't leave this room until she heard exactly what she wanted to hear. Or until he said something that would ruin them forever. Something that would destroy her to hear.

Something that would destroy him to say.

-Every time, after the service, you go to the garden. It's been a week since you don't. Do you deny it?

His hands twiched, as if they were begging Ram to touch her face, to move even a centimeter closer to her, to do anything other than simply stand there.

-You've been going to the temple everyday, for a week? To wait in the garden?

-Do you deny it, Doobay? -Her voice remained as impassive as before, but her eyes were no longer on his. He left out the smallest of the smiles.

-I don't deny it. -His hands moved painfully slowly to her face, to touch her, to turn her face back to him, to turn her eyes back to his. -Do you deny it? That you waited in the garden for a week?

His thumbs slowly caressed her cheeks, almost too slow, almost too soft. Almost as if he was scared that she would run away if he made any sudden moment that would make her run away.

Like he did.

-I don't deny it. -Her voice came out almost like a whisper, as if she didn't want to admit how she longed for him for the entire time he was gone. How she yearned for him even when she knew they could never belong to each other. -I don't deny it.

The second time, her voice came even softer. Her eyes stared deeply into his uncovered one as if like this, she could find the answers to her questions.

He stopped his hands from caressing her face, never talking them off, as she leaned her head into his touch, closing her eyes.

-What were you waiting for? -He asked in a whisper, her eyes opened again, blinking slowly as she looked into his face, his eyes, his lips. -Devi...

-I wanted to see you. -The statement was so blunt and so simple that Ram was almost taken aback. She placed her hand over his, that was still fixed on her face. She caressed his hand almost shyly, but her eyes were still set on his. Almost as if she had decided that there was no longer a need to hide anything, like she wanted him to know. Maybe she did. -I needed you that night. And you left me. I don't have anyone to trust anymore. There's only you and the twins. And you simply left.

-Devi...

-I needed you, Ram. Why did you leave me?

Her eyes were almost pleading, begging him for the truth, begging for him to take a step forward towards them after she had run an entire marathon, begging him to put an end to this infinite chase and to choose what was going to happen to them, begging him for them.

And he could never tell no to her.

-I couldn't stand it. I couldn't, Devi. The way everyone was celebrating, the way they were acting like it's been a long time coming... -He ran his thumb over her bottom lip. His eyes started her entire face, as if he was trying to engrave every detail of her deeply into his soul, as if he didn't already. -The way he looked at you, like you belonged to him…

-I don't.

-I know that, Devi, but does he? After especially choosing you time and time again?

She let a sweet smile come out, placing both her hands over his face. He leaned into her touch instantly and closed his eyes, softly rubbing his face on her hands and letting a single sigh of relief come out, as if all this time he was desperate for her to touch him. And he was.

-He does. He knows, I've been very clear about it when we spoke. -His eyes suddenly busted open, he looked deeply into her eyes, but they held no lies. -There will never be a Sharma-De Clare heir. Well at least not born from me and him.

She gave him a smirk to which he gave an eye roll, but the smirk on his face didn't allow him to appear serious at all.

-I assume he was not very pleased with this arrangement.

-I doesn't matter to me what pleases him or not. Don't think you'll move the subject out of your crises of jealousy.

-Oh, now I'm jealous?

-What do you think that this is called, Mr. "I hid for a week because you're getting married"?

-Oh now I'm suddenly excited for my own engagement. What shall be Mrs. "Almost went insane because I didn't see you for seven days" reaction to it?

Her smile instantly dropped.

-You're to be engaged?

His smile instantly became bigger.

-Who's the jealous one now, Miss Sharma?

He rubbed his nose against hers. How could that woman worry about the fact that he someday was getting married when he did nothing other than crave for her and only her for five years? How could she worry about anyone else taking what was only hers?

When she gave him a skeptical look, he tore their faces apart, giving a kiss on her nose, one on her forehead and one on her temple, before finally, finally, catching her lips on his.

He wanted to say everything to her. He wanted to say that she could marry the damned queen herself and yet she would never belong to anyone else but him. He wanted to say that no matter who his brother decided to give him to, he would only give himself for her. He wanted to say that in his entire life he never wanted, never needed, never yearned for anything other than her. That he was hers and that she was his.

If she didn't understand that in this kiss, he would say on the next one, or on the next one, or when he finally decided to actually say it with words.

But it could wait. Because she knew. Because she felt it. Because she could hear it on the way he sighed when their kiss ended only for him to rush back to meet her lips again. She could feel it on the way his hand ran down from her face to her waist, pulling her closer and closer. She could see it in the way his eyes shined towards her and her only.

Everything could wait, everything other than they, other than this, because now they knew that all of the longing and the craving, the loneliness and the sadness, were all in the past. Because they were each other's. And they would forever be.

[aranell18]

My 2024 Books and Ratings

-The Harlequin by Laurell K. Hamilton ⭐️⭐️⭐️/5 stars

The Harlequin was an interesting concept, but the amount of sex in the recent books has made reading them a chore for me. Don’t get me wrong, I love a good sex scene and some smut, but I prefer a build-up to it as opposed to what feels like every other page. Please Laurell, less sex and more necromancy.

-A Game of Retribution by Scarlett St Clare ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️/5 stars

-A Game of Gods by Scarlett St Clare ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️/5 stars

-A Touch of Malice by Scarlett St Clare ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️/5 stars

It takes a lot for me to give a book five stars, so nice job.

-A Touch of Chaos by Scarlett St Clare. ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️/5 stars

Good job Scarlett, like I said before, it takes a lot for me to give a book five stars but I think you wrapped up the Hades X Persephone series well and I can see myself re-reading the series in the future. It now has a permanent spot in my book collection. One thing however, please include everything I the final published book. I was kinda annoyed when I realized that a whole bonus chapter of the book was not included in my physical copy and my audiobook kept going after my physical book ended. I also would have never known or got to read the bonus chapter about Hermes without googling the issue and finding the PDF files for said chapters on Quora. So that soured my mood a bit…

-A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️/5 stars

I read it because it’s the favorite book of one of my favorite book characters (Tessa Gray from The Infernal Devices). I would’ve rated this book higher, but the begging of the book was confusing to me. I was, however, crying by the end of the book. Thanks Dickens, you confuse the hell out of me and then have me sobbing by the end.

[juniperpyre]

writer wrapped

this is from @clare-with-no-i but yeah i thought it would be fun!! happy new year

it got long so everything under the cut

ur fav line u wrote this year

cheating with like 9 sentences from somewhere on lsd when jily meet because lily is lyinggggggg to herself girl stand UP.

"Handsome in a simple, obvious way, with blunt features and broad shoulders, the most remarkable thing about him was his smile. He met her eyes. Lily’s stomach flipped upside down and stayed that way. He wasn’t that special. There was a magnetism to him Lily had never experienced before. He was wearing slacks and a button-up like every other yuppie that came into the Snowy Owl. They fit him perfectly, his sleeves pushed past his elbows and the first few buttons undone. He and his friends were obnoxiously loud. They were laughing, genuinely, in a way that made Lily want to laugh with them."

saying james is handsome in a simple way. like it's simple because he's literally perfect for you. and the back and forth is so funny she's so adverse to experiencing a connection but it's undeniable

scene u wrote this year

honorable mention to priest james and vampire lily bent over his lap in the pew (ch 2 of earth after rain). favorite smut scene for sure.

& in this christmas thing where james asking lily and severus to join him in hogsmeade that fucking cracked me up. james is soooo dismissive to severus and they're both rude to each other but james is just so much more cool and collected. i think the flaws of all 3 of their characters and how the flaws play off each other really come through in the scene too.

but my true favorite is the first part of the second chapter in the sun and the storm. bc it made me cry to write. and i think i invoked the emotions well in such a short passage. plus james is always born after lily, and he always.... yeah

chapter u wrote this year

broooo i dunno. maybe chapter 3 or 6 of earth after rain?

chapter 3 has james admitting to sirius that lily could make him do anything she wants, lily putting her vampire-ness and intention to eat james on the table, the internal thoughts of lily when she's washing up and how james intrigues her, and it has james just desperately wanting her to drink from him.

it was high drama and i think it characterized everyone so well.

and then in chapter 6 both are working through their complicated, fucked up feelings for the other. they're both confused and angry and questions the foundations of who they are! lily is emotionally vulnerable! they have the craziest "what are we?" "can we be exclusive" conversation that i think has ever been written!

one shot u wrote this year

might be supercut... fabian/lily my loves. this is wildly unpopular so it's truly just for me. a real, pure love.

i am always pushing the fabily agenda. perhaps i'll write a bit about lily's relationships (in order, marlene, fabian, james) and what they mean/how they impacted her. it's really all centered around lily as a character (i don't think james had a deeply meaningful romantic relationship besides lily)

fic u planned this year or idea or whatever

planned and executed, earth after rain. shocked that i finished something in like two months. and it's almost novel length.

planned and have not executed, the jily orpheus and eurydice au. i have the whole plot outlined, tho not a full chapter outline. this is not winning my what should i write next year poll but god. it really pulls at something in me.

fav comment u got

perhaps uncertainwallflower's comment on the last chapter of the sun and the storm, the earth after rain epilogue, which is a long comment but quoted one of the lines from that chapter I really enjoyed (about the weird smell of james' dead body!) and was just so sweet about the whole series

honorable mention goes to Nina (a guest so I have literally no clue who) for calling earth after rain jily a messy elderly couple

honorable mention to soupcrackers for saying somewhere on lsd is one of their comfort fics

fav thing that inspired u

the beautiful city of chicago (somewhere on lsd) the beautiful art of maleuch (earth after rain)

[pxnsneverland]

Autumn Roses | Young Ian x OC (part 2)

plot summary: As a half black half white slave in colonial North Carolina, Rose has struggled with her place in the world. After her mother's death in childbirth and finding out that the recently deceased River Run plantation master was her father, the mistress of River Run, Jocasta Cameron, took her in treating her as more of a daughter than a slave. Jocasta educated and raised Rose with no one outside the house ever being the wiser. But the arrival of Jocasta's nephew Jamie Fraser and his wife Clare threaten to turn Rose's world upside down especially when they bring along their bright haired, blue eyed nephew Ian Murray.

Part 1

pairings: Young Ian x OC

fandom: Outlander

word count: 1426

warnings/notes: Hey guys! I know it's been forever since updating this fanfic and I almost shelved it but I decided to write a few more parts and see how it goes. Hope you enjoy :)

Chapter 2

We all sat in the parlor in silence after Mistress Cameron explained everything to her family. I held my breath waiting for the storm I was sure was about to come. Mistress Cameron guided us to a sitting room adorned with plush velvet chairs and intricately woven tapestries that told stories of battles fought and loves lost. We gathered around a crackling fire, its flames casting a comforting warmth upon us all.

Seated in a high-backed chair, Mistress Jocasta fixed her gaze upon each of us in turn, her expression grave yet resolute. "There are secrets buried deep within these walls," she began, her voice tinged with a hint of sorrow. "Secrets I’ve been keeping for decades, I’m afraid. Rose is my late husband’s bastard.” She stole a glance at me as if it pained her to say the word. “I was furious at first, ashamed even. But her mother died and she was such a sweet child and I had lost my own daughter years ago, ye see…” Mistress Jocasta swallowed the clear lump in her throat. She dabbed unshed tears from her glassy eyes.

Claire put a hand on Jocasta’s shoulder bending down so she could smile at her with the sweetest expression. “It’s very admirable what you have done for Rose.”

“And never mind nothin’, Auntie.” Jamie tipped his head towards her. “We will keep your secret during our time at River Run. After all, Rose is family.” He smiled at me and I felt a warmth in my heart I didn’t quite know what to make of.

To not have to hide and duck around corners for the months Jamie, Claire and Ian were visiting was a relief. I watched the scene unfold before me, a whirlwind of emotions churning within my chest. My mind struggled to process the weight of it all. Jamie and Claire's unwavering support only added to the mix of gratitude and confusion swirling inside me.

As the fire crackled in the hearth, casting flickering shadows around the room, I felt a sense of belonging I hadn't experienced before. To be acknowledged and accepted by these newfound relatives was both overwhelming and comforting in equal measure. Ian, ever the kind soul, reached out a hand to squeeze mine in silent solidarity. His gesture left me blushing and I quickly pulled my hand away from his. I tried to smile to show him I was grateful, just hesitant, but I don’t know how well I did. Even as I tried not to look at him, I could feel his eyes still on me. My heart was beating so loud I was sure the whole room could hear it.

“Ye’re a true Mackenzie no doubt,” he said with a slight smile, “Always gettin’ into trouble for the sake of others.”

Claire placed a hand over her heart, seeming warmed by the news. “In this day and age, with how people feel about slaves, especially the mixed children being produced…I admire you.”

Mistress Cameron let out a relieved sigh. “Well, I am glad of that. I would much rather have ye sayin’ here without lookin’ at me with contempt everyday.” 

“We’re in no place to judge, Auntie,” Ian said, “What people around here think about slaves and the Indians are no different than what the English think about Scots. After all, look at what happened on the river wit’ us bein’ mugged.”

Jocasta smiled, nodding her approval of the young lad. Even I had to crack a smile. When the mugging was mentioned I was suddenly over concerned. “Mugged.”

“Aye,” Jamie confirmed from his place by the window, a china tea cup in his hands. “Mugged by a criminal I helped escape the noose. Thought I was doin’ him a kindness, trustin’ my gut. They stole our coin and gem stone. Left us with little more than the clothes on our back.”

Jocasta huffed. “Wicked! Just wicked. To repay your kindness in such fashion. Bonnet and his men should be hangit.”

“He woulda been were it not for me.”

“You sought the goodness in him, and there was none to be found.” I felt bad for Jamie for I could see the turmoil in his eyes from his decision. Regardless, I admired him for it. Being able to see the good where others saw none was a habit of mine as well. And I had equal reason as Jamie not to trust the masses.

“Pray think on it no more,” Jocasta continued in her quest to calm Jamie’s worries, “Ye’re welcome to stay here as long as ye need.”

I felt Ian’s eyes on me at Mistress Cameron’s invitation. I allowed myself to glance at him as well and our eyes met making my chest flutter once again. He smiled brightly as if just getting me to look at him was the highlight of his day. I looked away feeling myself blush. As curious as I was to learn more about Ian, it was dangerous territory to walk into. 

“I’ll not be a burden to you,” Jamie continued, taking a seat next to Jocasta.

“No, we don’t intend to stay that long,” Claire said.

Mistress Cameron just gave them a warm smile. “Bless ye, dears, ye’re kin. Twill not be a burden to have a man of such strength and mind for business at my disposal. Why the good women and men of Cape Fear will be clamorin’ to engage with ye, especially once they’ve had the pleasure of making yer acquaintance at a wee gatherin’ I intend to hold in yer honor.”

A breathy laugh came out of Jamie’s mouth followed by a crooked smile. “Ye’re familiar wi’ my business dealings.”

“Mistress Cameron has kept up wi’ ye over the years, Master Fraser,” I said, finding some confidence amidst the casual atmosphere. I had rarely ever talked to anyone outside River Run, but Jamie and Claire made everything seem so comfortable and approachable. “She’s had me read her resources for her, letters and such. Like when you were in Paris and Edinburgh.”

“Ye flatter me, Rose. And call me Jamie, please.”

Jocasta sighed with amusement on her lips. “You’re no fond of flattery. Well, ‘tis her right to do so as well as mine. I have no sons of my own. Besides Rose, who else am I to lavish my attentions upon?”

Jamie smiled so appreciatively at her I wished she could have seen it. It was clear that no matter how long it had been, he still loved his aunt just as much as he did when they were both back in Scotland. I felt a little envious. I longed for a family such as that, a place to belong, a place where I didn’t have to hide in fear. I sipped my tea hoping no one noticed the slight disappointment on my face. Thankfully, I was saved by Rollo barging into the room through the front door. Immediately, a foul stench filled up the room forcing me to use my skirts to cover my nose.

Ian walked over to his dog who was whining terribly. “Dear God, Rollo, what happened to ye?”

The slave attendant holding onto Rollo’s tether dipped his head. “I’m sorry, Mistress Cameron. The beast ran after a skunk and got sprayed in the process.” 

“What in the devil is a skunk?”

Claire sat her tea cup down on a nearby table using her now free hand to cover her nose. “It’s an animal quite common around here. It sprays a foul liquid when it gets scared to ward off predators.”

Jamie looked as if he were about to gag. “Is it venomous?”

“No. Just malodorous.” Claire started to shoo Ian and Rollo out of the room. 

Mistress Cameron composed herself long enough to say, “It just so happens that my friend John Quincy Myers is visiting. He’s a man of the wild who can rid your mongrel of the stench.”

Ian sighed in relief. “Thank you, great-aunt.”

“Rose, why don’t you go show Ian the way? I’m such John Quincy is where he always is, by the riverbank.”

I nodded feeling my heart drop into my stomach. Standing near Ian had been enough to send my breathing into a panic. Now I was going to practically be alone with him. I wanted to reject her request, but I knew how impolite that would be. It would also spark many questions that I was not even sure how to answer. So I stood up from the couch and followed Ian and Rollo out the door. 

[umnitsa]

TLDR: Things changed in fandom and I'm not sure I like it anymore; it's a sign of the times and I don't know what to do

I see many fanfic writers taking mental health time. Hell, I am too.

I started writing fanfic almost 30 years ago. Before I reached the internet. I wrote them for myself, in big notebooks that I had to hide from my mother, because I was a horny little thing and I really wanted to fuck Captain Kirk and Data (mostly Data - I fully blame Data for being a rampant technosexual).

It was so much fun, but something in me wanted to show those writings to people. I wanted to share my thoughts and my words. Sadly, some of it was immensely dirty and I have always been ashamed of my writing. Ended up ripping all the notebooks in little pieces and throwing them away.

I grew up, internet started being a thing and I found out fanfiction. I'm Brazilian, you see; English is my second language. So at that time I read more than wrote, but I didn't have the courage to post anything anyway. I felt the desire to be a part of it, anyway.

In my early 20s, LiveJournal happened to me. And that's when things took a turn. I really really wanted to write, so I joined Stargate RPGs, and wrote with a LOT OF PEOPLE. It was immensely fun and those people welcomed with open arms, even if I didn't write well or didn't write that well in English.

If my written English is good I credit to them fully. We plotted and plotted and wrote and wrote...

I wrote so many awesome stories (some dirty and some not). I still remember one story arc where my character was uploaded to Atlantis and I had SO MUCH FUN writing him awakening through commands, heavily inspired by my experience with Linux at the time. It was beautiful, honestly, writing my sweet Nemecsek confused, trying to regain his senses through trial and error as his whole being became a machine (Nemecsek was his nickname, I love 'The Paul Street Boys' - there was a reason for the reference, but I digress).

LiveJournal had the Kink Memes too, and they were insane. People anonymously prompted the most varied kinks and characters, and writers anonymously filled them. We were... Free. If you didn't like the kink you could jump to another thread. Most of the comments were commenting the works, some prompts were filled multiple times and some of them never got to be filled. The variety of kinks and kinds of writing were glorious. No one judged. People understood it seemed to be a space of exploration (in many many ways).

I wrote in other fandoms, and people were nice and kind. Never got a single shitty comment; people either helped me improve or left me alone... Well, left me to write with my friends.

LJ started going bad, I tried Dreamwidth, and I saw the birth of AO3, joined Tumblr for the long form RPGs, but things weren't the same for me.

Life started happening, and I didn't write fanfic for a LONG LONG TIME. The experience with fanfic gave me confidence to write in Portuguese, my own stories. I kept writing, just not fanfic.

I came back recently, and I decided for Tumblr; I like the things I know. I wanted to write erotica. I realized I love erotica as a vehicle to show different sides of characters, what can I say? I was raised reading Harlequin romances and I was a BIG FAN of Ellora's Cave. It is what it is and I will not complain or explain myself further.

But things were different. There was this crazy pressure. In the era of content, fanfic doesn't seem to be an act of love anymore. It's a platform to raise a public. To become famous (fuck Cassandra Clare, I remember where she came from). It became weirdly professional in crazy ways (well, crazy for me).

People demand everything now, from updates to perfection, passing through stances in public discourse.

I feel this insane pressure. I can't just 'write' anymore. People plan and work their way to followers and... It's all so polished I feel I can't just write.

I'm afraid of sharing now. I AM AFRAID OF SHARING AND THIS IS INSANE. Fandom have always been about sharing. Sharing opinions, sharing art, filling gaps, playing carelessly with plot holes and characteristics.

I'm trying. I'm really trying to come back, and I see people trying to come back, but it's hard to do it with this pressure.

I don't know what to do. Part of me wants to fight and keep writing, making friends. Part of me is insanely afraid of being seen. I don't tag my shit right, I can't afford these shitty interactions. I get anxious whenever people share my stuff, even if I truly want people to see it; I keep asking myself when is someone going to be shitty to me.

So I get it, my friends. Take your time. I'll miss your writing. I hope it's still flourishing in your beautiful minds, even if I can't see it. I wish I could be sharing it with you, but I completely understand. Please take care. I'll be here when you come back.

[lesbocrocker]

hey you know kit and ty and magnus and jem etc etc - are they all from the same book series? the cassandra clare ones?? 'cause i've been wondering if i should read them and our school library has them i think but there's loads and it looks really confusing,,,, is there a reading order? or have i got it all wrong and you're actually posting about several unrelated book series???

Yeah so they are all the same series 😭😭

Okay, so there’s the chronological order and the publishing order so I’ll put both here

chronological:

Clockwork Angel, Clockwork Prince, Clockwork Princess, Chain of Gold, Chain of Iron, Chain of Thorns, City of Bones, City of Ashes, City of Glass, The Red Scrolls of Magic, City of Fallen Angels, City of Lost Souls, City of Heavenly Fire, Tales From Shadowhunter Academy, The Lost Book of White, Lady Midnight, Lord of Shadows, Queen of Air and Darkness and Secrets of Blackthorn Hall.

publishing:

City of Bones, City of Ashes, City of Glass, Clockwork Angel, City of Fallen Angels, Clockwork Prince, City of Lost Souls, Clockwork Princess, City of Heavenly Fire, Tales From Shadowhunter Academy, Lady Midnight, Lord of Shadows, Queen of Air and Darkness, The Red Scrolls Of Magic, The Lost Book of White and Secrets of Blackthorn Hall.

there’s also ghosts of the shadow market and the bane chronicles but honestly you should just read those after everything else. There’s also the wicked powers but that doesn’t come out for a while. Also, Secrets of Blackthorn Hall can only be found online, so there’s a tumblr with all the entries on it.

The Infernal Devices (Clockwork Angel-Clockwork Princess) is where Jem, Will and Tessa are. It’s without a doubt the best Shadowhunter series. It’s my personal favourite. If you only read one you should definitely make it that one.

The Last Hours (Chain of Gold-Chain of Thorns) is where Christopher, James, Cordelia, Lucie, Grace, Thomas, Alastair and Matthew are. The first two are good, but the last one very much falls apart.

The Mortal Instruments (City of Glass-City of Heavenly Fire) is where Clary, Magnus, Jace, Isabelle, Simon and Alec are. I’m fairly divided on this one because it has the most worldbuilding and you should read it for the others, but it’s also shit. Clare made some interesting choices in it, which you’re probably aware of, but I’m not going to put here in case you don’t. The last book is great, and book three five and one are alright, but two and four are both travesties that didn’t need to be written.

The Dark Artifices (Lady Midnight-Queen of Air and Darkness) is where Kit, Dru, Ty and Livvy are (they’re not the main characters but i never talk about the actual mains so you wouldn’t know them). Lady Midnight fucks very hard, I love LM, I also do like LoS and QoAaD but some have said that QoAaD is bad and too much happens in it but I don’t agree, sorry.

The Eldest Curses (The Red Scrolls of Magic-The Lost Book of White) is where Magnus and Alec are the mains. It’s not really considered a proper series, more of a companion to TMI. There’s another coming out but Clare has completely forgotten about it, so there’ll be a while til that comes out.

there’s a few companion novels, tales from shadowhunter academy (main character is simon, but a lot of others from every series crop up), ghosts of the shadow market (main character is jem, tessa is in a lot of the stories in the second half, kit is a big part of it, two tlh characters have attitudes in it, the tmi characters are in it for a bit), and the bane chronicles (main character is magnus, really only tmi characters and tessa, but james and grace are in there, but they are drastically different to tlh). tfsa is really the only one i think you need to read in a specific order (after city of heavenly fire) but really gotsm and tbc don’t need to be read in a specific order, just kind of after tid and tmi respectively.

so I think that’s everything, if you have any questions, ask away.

[ladyhindsight]

Back to the scheduled programming of me despising and nitpicking everything and everyone in this series.

With The Last Hours dealing with James Herondale being able to fire a gun (for a bit anyway) and the previous chapter in City of Lost Souls having Luke brandish a shotgun at Sebastian and threaten to blow his legs off, it should've been obvious to point out long before now: why don't the Downworlders use guns against the Nephilim?

Whatever it may be, there's plenty things the narrative refuses to acknowledge in this chapter alone.

Clary and Jocelyn have dumped Luke in the care of his pack and are heading towards Magnus' place. Clary narrates the time skip in the meanwhile:

Clary knows, but do we? Obviously because Luke is a werewolf and heals fast and all, but if we are all in the know, why do we need to know that Clary knows?

→ They couldn't take him to a mundane hospital, but it has been hard...

When was the last time Maia and Clary even interacted? Additionally on any level where Clary could become even close calling Maia an ally in the sole presence of their pack? The pack that Maia belongs in as well?

No.

How many times are we going back to this quote? We get it. Jace is not himself and has thus been absolved of every previous or on-coming evil deed.

Clary and Jocelyn arrive at Magnus', and Clary goes to change her clothes.

I get wanting to look good and attractive to your significant other. However, Clary has always been concerned only over her looks when it comes to Jace, other girls being prettier than her; what could she, a Raggedy Ann doll, offer to someone so angel-like like Jace? This whole concern and now non-concern over Clary's own looks, it always some way or another relates to Jace.

Clary goes to the living room where Jocelyn is telling Magnus what happened.

But Jocelyn just called him Sebastian not a few paragraphs ago:

Like??

Then, per usual, Clary picks a fight with her mother.

Yes. How much grief and annoyance would've everyone been spared from.

→ Magnus' alien slippers are constantly brought up until he takes them off. I hate the fixation on this pretend-funny aspect.

→ Like pretty much with each previous chapter I've pointed out that with any and every relationship-related detail Clary manages to always circle back to herself and Jace.

→ It was never said they were invited. They just went there. Even less reason for Isabelle to have been there at all.

→ Also, where and when? It has been two weeks since City of Fallen Angels. How many times and why have Alec and Jocelyn occupied the same space? Explain!

That's probably why she asked...

This conversation and the following one including Brother Zachariah makes it evidently clear that Jace and Sebastian's dark bond is not possession. But somehow Alec is able to feel this yet did not the one with Lilith.

One of the very confusing aspects to anything relating to Jace and the antics surrounding him are the rules on which every dark possession/not possession operates and how Clare has totally forgotten Alec's role in Jace's life. So instead of paying any mind to the parabatai bond to begin with, Clare has to bend and not explain certain details in such extent that they leave more questions than answers.

→ Why Alec couldn't feel Lilith's possession over Jace? Why has this not been addressed at all and not questioned even here where it is finally brought up?

→ Why Alec's feelings over Jace dying weren't addressed in CoFA? Or this aspect to their parabatai bond? CoFA failed in everything so there is that to consider.

→ Why no one questions how Jace and Alec's bond was restored after Raziel brought Jace back but not the fact that Jace was left otherwise unprotected from demonic possession?

Brother Zachariah answers Jocelyn, an answer Clary can hear. Isn't it obvious, additionally to the following conversation, that he's speaking to everyone unless specified that he's speaking only to one person?

I don't know if it is necessary to call back to something that happened a chapter ago, especially with this length.

The dark bond has changed Jace in every other fundamental level, but his love for Clary remained unchanged. It's either all or nothing. I refuse that Clary is so much more essential to Jace than anyone else in his life that the only thing Jace gets to keep of himself is his love for Clary of all people. When everything else in these books are about Jace and Clary's amazing and deep love on the expense of other characters, this is just soul-sucking.

→ A concept which Clare needs to introduce again with exposition, she throws in a character's knowledge on the subject instead of just telling it without filtering it through a weak justification.

→ Everyone everywhere else seems to know where it is, on the same level as the location of the Bone City. Everywhere and nowhere

→ Jocelyn only speaks sense and especially from a perspective of a mother, but all that she says is portrayed as an obstacle and how she is in the wrong about Jace.

→ Clary's words are such a slap in the face to Jocelyn and to everyone ever having lived in an abusive relationship. "Do you think I am that stupid to stay with an abusive person?" And Clary is being so vindictive about it as well, with her softest, deadliest, and edgiest voice of ever to edge.

So Clary has no rebuttal to Jocelyn and does the only thing she can do and maturely leave the room dramatically and slam the door behind her. We then cut to Simon meeting with Raphael who wants to hire Simon as his bodyguard.

I hate the whole of this sentence. I hate the whole of the scene as well because it gives you nothing and feels irrelevant.

We then cut to the final scene in the chapter, where Isabelle comes over to Jordan's place to look for Simon. And bangs on the door because she doesn't know how to use the doorbell. Also there was a buzzer downstairs in COFA, what happened to using that. How did she get in?

What business does Jordan have calling Isabelle Izzy? Exactly the same as Zarah has any business calling Livia and Tiberius Livvy and Ty. Zero.

The way I see it, Isabelle has a lot more on her platter than Clary but everyone is interested only in how Clary fares through losing Jace when Isabelle (and Alec) have more to grieve.

Here Isabelle explains why she isn't mad at Clary, that Clary is the only reason she did not lose two brothers instead of one. That much is true, but what the narrative still and forever onward chooses to ignore is that it is because of Clary (and Jace) that anyone is risking losing Jace altogether. AGAIN. What also everyone ignores is that Clary only asked for Jace. One Thing = Jace, but also One Thing = erasing all the loss that night.

It's a weird fucking detail to latch onto, as if Isabelle doesn't have more right to Simon's comfort and Clary because neither are related to Jace? I hate everyone and every single thing said in this chapter.

You can always say no.

→ Why is it primarily Simon's job, as in why the sole responsibility is on Simon to console Clary or Isabelle?

→ Why didn't Clary and Isabelle come together with this loss?

→ Why is Simon such an emotional vacuum that he only cares about Clary's feelings? This is contended in Jordan's thoughts, that Simon may never get over Clary, the first girl he ever loved, and thinking Isabelle is so strong and doesn't even need him, but good god, this is chapter alone is more exhausting than one installment of any other series of TSC.

[justmybookthots]

City of Ashes

Wow.

I liked this book!

You can see my review of Book 1 here. For some time I really just considered my decision to re-read these old YA books as watching bad reality TV (especially with how awful 'Hush Hush' was) but this book was when I felt the gears in my head shift and I realised I was genuinely enjoying the story.

It took me a while to get started because I was reading other books but ever since I finished 'Suddenly a Murder' (and finished writing a chapter of a fanfic that was keeping me occupied), I told myself I'd refocus on getting this one done. Today I was feeling... not great in the morning, and I used this book as a distraction, thinking I'd probably finish it over the next few days (hopefully).

I finished it in like five hours. 💀

People can complain about this book (rightfully so, it's far from perfect) but it was easy to read and very addictive. I don't remember having had this much enjoyment reading it as a teen; it felt like a tedious haze in my memory. And because I don't remember 80% of this book, almost everything felt brand new to me.

Things I liked:

The Inquisitor. I get she's painted to be a villain but I need to say that I didn't really pay her much attention UNTIL 3/4 INTO THE BOOK WHEN THEY SAID HER SON WAS A HERONDALE AND I WAS LIKE, WAIT. BACK UP. So I went to search up "Herondale" and I FUCKING REALISED THEY INTRODUCED HER AS INQUISITOR HERONDALE AT FHE START AND I MISSED IT. I'm actually really glad I missed it because I'd have known her connection to Jace from the beginning, and now I get to be like OH MY FUCKING GOSH when I realise she's probably his grandmother (?). When you see the antagonism she regarded him with for most of the book and then you realise the connection… and SHE herself realised it… I AM SHOOKETH. Granted, readers are supposed to only connect the dots in the next book, but whatever. I get the epiphany NOW. 

She's honestly such a nuanced and great character. She felt like a mix of Umbridge (minus the pink and the simpering and all that gross shit) and Elias' mother from Ember in the Ashes. She made a massive mistake but you realise where she was coming from at some point. You're not supposed to justify her actions, just understand where her head/heart was at.

I used to really dislike Luke when I read him as a teen and now I'm confused why I did because I really like him? I think he's such a sweet soul and he's Clary's real dad at heart, not Valentine.

OOH! When the Unseelie Court was unveiled, I was so excited because after reading Cruel Prince I have a fresh perspective of fae that I didn't used to have reading this as a teen. I liked the Queen and overall how the fae was written. It's really similar to how I think they should be written (IMO). And it was nice tying that thread up at the end, even if a little sloppily. I really wish Cassandra would write a book with a fae lead but she seems to be good friends with Holly Black and that could be a bit weird? I don't know.

Also I really like Cassandra Clare's prose. I personally felt it was one of the better ones out there (or maybe I just feel this way after reading 'Hush Hush'). Maybe it's just more the style I like, even if some dialogue can be a bit cringe at times. 

The conversation between Maryse and Jace was really moving at the end. And just their relationship in general. I love that she DID love him, and saw him as one of her children from the start. I didn't have the best impression of her when she first appeared, but it's great for my perception to evolve over the course of the story.

Valentine is… interesting. As a teen I thought he was a rather clichéd villain (I mean… he IS), but he fills that established trope quite well. 

Magnus Magnus MAGNUS. Need I say more? He shone in almost every one of his cameos. 

Even Alec, who I find pretty boring, had his moment in this book. He pretended to side with the Inquisitor and then went to find Jace to help get him out of the prison. Granted, Alec still isn't anywhere as interesting as I wished he could be—especially compared to MAGNUS—but he was more decent than I expected. 

Really liked how the Fearless rune came into play!!!!!!!

I liked that scene where Jace and Clary talked outside the shower at his place. Most people probably won't like that scene because of the whole sibling shebang, but I enjoyed it. Jace was pretty upfront about things… though given the ending, I don't expect that to recur in the next book. 

Despite how old this book is, and the occasional girl-on-girl hate that I can't stand, Cassie does a pretty okay job at fleshing out female characters other than Clary. Isabelle is decent, and Maia is an interesting addition (I know she and Simon are getting together but whatever). For its time, this book is mostly all right save for a few problematic liners, and I'll give Cassie props for that. (For now. I'll see for the next book.)

Things I didn't like;

Simon, PLEASE GO AWAY. THE WORST PART IS I KNOW YOU WON'T GO AWAY BECAUSE I REMEMBER YOU BEING IN ALL THE BOOKS IN THIS SERIES. T_T He was the worst part of the story for me and cutting down most of his scenes would have made me so happy. When he showed up "dead" because the vampires attacked him, I was like, why do you give me false hope? When Valentine "killed" him again, I was like, FALSE HOPE NOT ONCE, BUT TWICE? SHAME ON YOU. This ugly ass won't stay dead. 😭 He's a tiny parasite that latches on for fucking dear life—my brother in Christ, what were you even doing in the Unseelie Court? He had no role or business there; it's like bringing a wailing baby on a plane. Cassie has to turn him into a vampire to make him halfway relevant but I just DON'T CARE. He was pretty much Ron Weasley in Harry Potter's body and I hated Ron. He tries to be funny but he isn't funny and he's just jealous and rageful most of the time and, like…

Look, I know this is a lot of Simon talk. But I'm still not done. I'm just adding another bullet point because the paragraph was too long. :') Anyway. You know what Simon says? He says this to Clary when she admits she loved Jace: 

He smiled at her. It was a sad smile with something else underneath. "You know what the worst feeling I can imagine is?" She blinked at him. "No." "Not trusting the person I love more than anything else in the world."

Babe, that was really #deep but just because she didn't like you back doesn't mean you can't trust her??? She's still your friend. She is NOT entitled to like you back and trust isn't contingent on your romantic affections being reciprocated. You are not entitled to having them reciprocated just because you were her best friend for years. That's classic "nice guy" manipulation tactics. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ So you're saying because she didn't like you back, all those years of friendship are flushed down the drain and no more trust is left? I don't know how much more of this incel I can stomach. 🤮 Every time Clary sobbed in grief for him, I was like: sometimes we just gotta let that pimple pop and let him go, babe.

I gotta move on. Anyway: I didn't even get to see Alec and Magnus get together in the first place. T_T I have to see chapters in Nice Guy Simon's head but I don't get much of Alec or Magnus' POV here? It's not fair!!!!!!! I felt like I was missing a lot of things about them and how they got together in the first place. 

I'm not a huge fan of Clary and Jace being speshul people with speshul powers but eh. It's not a giant gripe but at least Clary doesn't become a combat expert overnight so I'll take that.

I find Jace and Clary's love for each other a little unconvincing but it could be worse, I guess. 

JACE, I know he's technically immature/a child but he really should have watched his mouth more with the Inquisitor. The first time he was sent to prison, I thought he deserved it with how he was mouthing off to her. But then later he showed a lot of self-discipline/sensibility with the Fair Folk so I was a little thrown by the whiplash. Again, it's not a major gripe, but yeah. 

I'm going to end the review here. Overall, I'm shocked by how much I liked this book given its poor reviews on GR, but we'll see how the next book fares for me (if I do get to read it… or finish it). I do want to add that the sibling thing doesn't faze me like it does many because I know in retrospect that it isn't true, and just… My brain is too screwed-up, I guess? I need to stop reading so many disturbing thrillers. Or manga.

But let me tell you: it felt REALLY surreal upping the book from the 3 stars I'd given it as a teen to 4. I've almost NEVER done that with an old read before. 

- 24 Nov 2023