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#exact same things I felt
duubaloo · 2 years
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just reread one of my favorite fics and I had to hold back tears and compose myself before a meeting lmao
#that fic is so sad#bittersweet actually but mostly sad#because they got what they wanted but not exactly the way they wanted it and got it for such a little time#it is short but it described so well human emotions it just feels so real#and it’s about someone that to survive has to become a robot kind of but the way he loses himself and then has to learn to be human GOD#and the way his friend and the love of his life come to terms with it but still love him every time in every way he is because that is still#him#whatever remains of him is still him so they love him#emotions are cradled so gently in this fic#i am not good with words and I cannot say im good with making art because what’s on my head just won’t come to life the way I want it but I#hope one day my paintings can make people feel the way some fics make me feel#make me feel human and make me think and make me experience emotion and make me relate even when the story has nothing to do with me#but makes me empathize because I am human and emotions are universal#but aaah the beauty in the way that we all experience emotions in a different way right?? like someone else reading this fic won’t feel the#exact same things I felt#maybe some won’t like it … it’s incredible#but if they do connect with the story then that because we can know that aah if I were them I would feel like this too#and maybe I’m not you but I feel your joy and pain and worry#and just by reading!!! incredible#could it be possible that just by looking at a picture you can feel like that?#i know some that do#make me feel longing and sadness#and in a way artist make us feel not so alone in this world thinking that if someone can express this too then they feel it so I’m not the o#only one experiencing this or feeling it
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cartoonwishes · 5 months
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I'M NOT OKAY
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deimcs · 8 months
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Mystra has dictated the terms of my potential for long enough. The Crown would grant me control of my own destiny at last.
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I know this is just a silly bad quality random screencap of a screencap that I found on facebook lol, BUT it's a succinct enough image to easily describe the concept in a quick/accessible way hopefully :
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(and of course, feel free to elaborate in tags, etc.! (especially elaborating about other senses as well.. can you "hear" in your mind just as well as you can "see"? taste? etc.) It's an interesting topic to me, as someone who's like a 4.5 at MOST lol. I'm curious what option will be the most common :0c )
#tumblr polls#hrmm... a little poll perhaps.. about a subject I find interesting.. since this image came across my facebook today#still really not feeling that well. no longer shaking violently and such but I still feel weird and weak much more than usual#They did say my markers for like infection or inflammation were elevated but that they werent sure of the cause so hopefully#it's nothing too serious. they did also say a lot of different things can cause that thing to be higher than normal but didn't go into spec#fics of what. maybe some of them are relatively benign or something. I still havent felt much back to normal since#I got really sick that one time though. I feel fine on and off but then little bouts of feeling weird and sick happen. hrmmm#ANYWAY.. looking for small ways to be productive. such as little doodles on evil ipad or editing game videos#or posting polls or cat pictures or some other like not very labor intensive things#I WISH I COULD FOCUS on writing HHRGGhh... I need to finish my game.. it would be so freeing.. a project that's been looming#over my head for like 5 years even though througouht that 5yrs I've probably spent a total of 3 months working on it lo.. ANYWAY#I still partially really cannot beleive that people CAN see stuff in their heads. There's always part of me that's thinking like. well mayb#e everyone DOES see the same exact thing but we just describe/conceptualize it so differently that we think we're talking about#different things when we're really not. But I have been assured by people I've talked to about it that they can GENUINELY really see#stuff in their heads like as vivid as an actual picture in real life or something. And the other senses are neat too. Like for exmaple I#can hear in my head much better than I can see imagery. I still CANNOT hear vividly like as if I were listening to actual music out loud..#but I think it's developed more than my sight. AND interesting how this varies the creative process. a friend I was talking to on the phone#said they write by literally just watching stuff play before them like a movie. where my process is COMPLETELY different. AND that affects#the content/what details we focus on as well as our individual styles of writing have differences that can be traced back to that.. hrmm
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yellowocaballero · 9 months
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Reading 'Solo Leveling' (a webtoon/webnovel about a guy who uses a game-like interface to level up and fight monsters and become ridiculously OP and the coolest and hottest guy in the whole wide world) really proves something to me that I've thought about.
The goal of a story is to achieve what it wants to achieve. Different genres have different certain marks the story should achieve. If it doesn't hit those marks, it's not a good example of the genre. In a lot of was it's not even a good story - it doesn't entertain the audience in the way that they want to be entertained. A romance novel isn't a bad story because it doesn't feature great action scenes, but neither is it a bad story because it doesn't delve deep into the sociopolitical implications of neocolonialism. Does it make the reader feel happy? Is it cathartic? Is there a happy ending? Then it's a good romance story - even if you think stories shouldn't need happy endings.
The 'satisfaction' of stories like Solo Leveling is the fact that is very entertaining to watch a guy be super powerful and mow down bad guys and have everybody around him go "WHOAH that's a cool guy". Maybe it's cool because you're projecting, or maybe you like great action scenes, or because you like 'underdog gets powerful' stories. It's a power fantasy. That is the goal of Solo Leveling, and so long as I'm going "WHOAH COOL", then it's a good story. And Solo Leveling is the example of the power fantasy video game dungeon OP protag. It does those elements, it executes them competently, it's a good story.
This is the third of these types of stories I've read more than 5 chapters of. The first was Omniscent Reader's Viewpoint. And baby. This is no ORV.
ORV a big reaction to Solo Levelling in a lot of ways, since Solo Levelling was very genre defining and influential, and it's hard to write these OP stories without having a relationship to Solo Leveling. It's like the most popular webtoon out there. The OP hero, the gaming interface and rules, the gods fucking you up, power fantasy - they're all checked off by ORV. It doesn't subvert them much. You watch kdj pull one over on a shmuck and you're like HEY YA BABY and you watch him utterly decimate some schmuck and you're like WHOAH COOL. You like ORV, basically, for the same reasons you like Solo Leveling. They're the same genre and in a lot of ways the same story.
But ORV has driven me nuts and after a while Solo Leveling has gotten boring. Because ORV has a fantastic supporting cast that puts the MC's OPness in relative perspective. Because there's cool action scenes with different teams, of different dynamics, giving freshness to each chapter. Because you get to see kdj slowly implement some nuts gambit of the course of the entire arc and when we finally hit the end point where it all comes together it's FUCK YEAH. I'm leaving out the actual depth here. But ORV and Solo Leveling do the same thing, except ORV has a great deal of other story elements that build into the main 'point' and escalate the satisfaction, joy, and intensity of those points. You don't read these OP hero novels for the supporting cast. You read it to watch a dude be cool. But ORV's supporting cast - and, like, the fact that they're actual characters, even the women - gives us a lot of other smaller 'hey yeah!' moments, gives it buildup, makes the OP moments meaningful, and gives a grand climax and huge satisfaction when kdj does what the SL guy did by himself. And the supporting cast is only one example of this. A story is a good story if it accomplishes its point, but a story like SL will never really deliver its promises nearly as well as ORV could. Not because ORV is deep and has """themes""" or fucked up shit like that. The 'WHOAH COOL's are just better. Because ORV knows why stories are good and what makes a good story.
Anyway I'm fucking begging you I have tears in my eyes this is why your fic needs more than the hot ship of the day I promise it won't detract from the ship it will make the ship BETTER but you have to get WHY you like these homosexuals so much and it's NOT just because they're CUTE sometimes there's OTHER REASONS THAT ARE IMPORTANT LIKE THE WOMAN YOU'VE BOOTED AND -
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maburito · 1 month
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While waiting for my physical copy of Metroid Prime remaster to arrive I've been replaying Metroid NES on the Nintendo Switch Online and I actually got a better ending this time!
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Got Samus to reveal her hair! Not the whole taking off armor reveal but pretty good!
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susieskinner93 · 10 months
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"Growing up feeling that something about you is different but you don't have the words to describe what that is, but then...freedom."
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For me, this captures the whole thing brilliantly because I felt the same, and it took me years to figure out that actually there was nothing wrong with me.
Yes, the journey to that realization was tough, but when you find the words to describe how you feel and who you are for the first time? It truly is euphoric.
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rapidhighway · 6 months
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hey i might be controversial but im not really feeling the 12th doctor so far
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lucalicatteart · 6 months
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A few little sketches of some possible school uniforms for mage schools/learning centers for magic/etc. :0c Though because Nanyevimi is so scattered and disconnected, it'd actually vary much more by region (like not everywhere would have a cultural concept of what a suit jacket or neck tie looks like lol), so it's probably unrealistic for so many of them to follow too many traditional Uniform Conventions from cultures in our world, etc. But, still, fun to mess around with designs, and think about which would be most fun to wear/what school you'd go to just based off the clothing lol~
#I haven't felt well enough to do anything actually productive lately GRRRR.. evil health issues....#but I can sometimes at least draw while I lay on the floor with a heating pad and etc. lol.. so...#goofy little sketches. Still dislike that the ipad thing someone gave me is either like.. maybe the settings are just off OR possibly the#screen is slightly broken in some regard - so the pressure sensitivity does not work at all. thus all lines are blunt looking#instead of having tapered edges. which I KNOW can be a stylistic thing. like I think it's fine mostly#but sometimes shading looks weird for all of the lines to be the exact same size/width with like no variation lol#though since it's just little sketches it doesnt matter lol but still... hrmm... ever working out my strategy for how to use the ipad for a#art things/if I can ever get used to it/etc.#AAANYWAY... still so uniform obsessed.. and have been since I was a child. Like way before going to middle school and meeting#the people who like anime and get into school uniforms of that variety. I mean like... age 7 before even having any friends#and having zero popular media interests or outside influences that would make uniforms Trendy. but I would see like a 'private school#uniform' on a new story on tv or something or in a book and was just like OUGH... I Should Dress That Way#I used to go to thrift stores and find multiple seperate pieces that could be combined together to look like a school uniform#I had like 4 or 5 different 'uniforms' that I made myself in that way. My first outfit that I was ever allowed#to pick out for myself as my big First Day Of Middle School outfit was literally like school uniform inspired#(maybe mixed with a little goth.. like it was a school uniform sort of look but black and white with fishnet armwarmers lol.. plaid +#stripes pattern mixing my beloved... )#I think it's just the same way that I love apartment buildings because I'm infinitely fascinated with like.. observing human nature and peo#le displaying their psersonalities in little ways and how you can give 10 people the same exact identical space but each one will decorate#it completely differently just depending on their own tastes and reasonnig and etc. I love the idea of everyone in some setting#having to be in one specific set outfit BUT you can tell something about them by the little ways they customize it or what type#of accessories they wear or if they choose to button their shirt fully or not or etc. etc. I like the constraints of 'okay everyone has to#be in exactly the same uniform - NOW. give them their own unique style somehow despite this' etc. etc. like#yaaaayyyy.. I love thinking of little obscure details that convey personality. they have a little pin hidden on the inside of their#hat. their shoes are just like everyone else's but more worn out. they have a necklace barely visible beneath their collar. their tie is#always a little more askew that everyone elses. or even. the uniform is EXACTLY on model entirely clean crisp pristine not a single element#customized or out of place - which STILL tells you something about them. etc. etc.#ANYWAY.. yeahg.. struggling to get anything done these last few weeks so.. blam. poof. alakazaam. scratchy little sketches#of nothing very productive or relating to any other project in particular be upon ye
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giantkillerjack · 7 months
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Favorite part about Death Note is that Light gets the Note and IMMEDIATELY becomes a serial killer fascist with a god complex.
No build-up, no Fall From Grace, no slow corruption of a good boy gradually becoming a monster. Just-- SPEED RUN STRATS. And I love that for him.
Tbh, I think there are a lot of folks (especially boys) from my high school days who would have immediately become monsters if given the power of life and death over every person around them.
It's kind of like how when people have apparently casual ableist beliefs, and you push them to elaborate on that just a little bit, they'll often end up openly saying stuff like "well, some people are just too disabled to be worth the resources it takes to support them." - Which is... eugenics. It's just eugenics, justified by the myth of scarcity. Now these folks almost certainly won't call it eugenics, or even think of it that way. But that doesn't make it NOT a core belief of the Nazis.
In a similar way, Light seems like a nice and well-adjusted boy with strong beliefs. No harm in that.
But to paraphrase Lindsay Ellis in her analysis of the Game of Thrones ending, "Power doesn't necessarily corrupt. Power reveals." [I think she was quoting someone else when she said this. It was someone who wrote a biography on LBJ. Whatever. Lindsay said it and she's smart as hell and I recommend her videos.]
And 15 minutes into the Death Note musical, I'm already thinking about how so many beliefs "casually" held by well-adjusted, nice people immediately reveal their monstrousness when talked through to their natural conclusion.
And I wonder how many of those people, given the power of life and death over everyone around them - the power to take their ideas to their natural conclusions - would also immediately reveal how their lack of self-reflection has laid the groundwork for them to become monsters.
#original#ableism#ableism cw#eugenics#nazis cw#death note#Death Note the musical#light yagami#death note musical#there's not really such a thing as casual ableism. because it all feeds into the same evil machine at the end of the day#because ableism done with hate and ableism done with love and ignorance have the same exact effects#there's no such thing as casual racism either. even if other white people would like to think that#so they don't have to actually call out people around them for holding heinous beliefs or doing horrible things#white culture#is basically the group agreement that we are /simply not going to talk about what we've done/#and we most /certainly/ are not going to talk about what we are currently doing. even bringing it up is considered rude.#it's bad is what I'm saying it's a bad culture and I don't think the world would lose anything without it#maybe then our churches won't feel like places God has abandoned. I'm an atheist. but I remember what white Mass felt like.#frankly I might not have become an atheist if when we sang stuff like ode to joy in church it wasn't the most joyless sound ever#our words flew up. our thoughts remained below. songs without thought never to heaven go. <3#man I gotta make some excellent art about that so I can stop talking about so much. but heavy excellent art takes time! so it'll be a while#nice is different than good#niceness can sometimes be incredibly unkind. it's nice to be agreeable. but in the face of injustice this becomes a cruelty.#back to watching the musical. LOVE how Light convinces himself his actions come from a place of love 💘#'we just have to kill all the bad guys!' taken to its brutal and horrifying conclusion#and the way so many people are FANS of Kira is so brilliant. i wonder if this musical's ending is better written than the [÷>%>#*than the original
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earlgreybocchan · 17 days
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Me when I think my dad is cool and admirable
#the previous earl lost the game lol#like i think if ciel's dad came back from the dead instead of ciel prime that ciel would have the same im the earl reaction#i don't have a reading of this narrative at all that he's trying to be his dad or wants sebastian to be his dad bc number one i think...#...vincent only looks like sebastian bc that's yana's art style and number two it also gets on my nerves the really fandom-y brain to...#...assign found family into actual nuclear family roles. when ciel's whole house now is made up of relationships that are really only...#...defined by how much they all love each other. it's the opposite of what his life was like before where he was stuck in like. an older...#...brother does this and marries this and the watchdog does this and rich people are expected to be like this and a family is a nuclear...#...kind of family unit and that's honestly what caused madam red and ciel and ciel prime a lot of their problems pre fire#now instead the people in ciel's house care about their roles as maid and gardener and chef etc only insofar as playing that role is a...#...way to have freedom for them and it's a way to do things for ciel only bc they love him. not that vincent and rachel completely sucked...#...and didn't love their kids but it was the opposite of ciel's situation now and uh i don't think he wants it back or to recreate it#i think he sees his parents and the midfords as sheep just like of the rest of the rich people he complains about#it's a category 10 albert moriarty situation#he was raised in it so he understands just how destructive these expectations are madam red had the exact problems with the expectation...#...she should get married and have kids when i don't think she particularly wanted that to the point she had to convince herself she did...#...even though it felt unnatural to her and i think that's why she was so attached to the idea of vincent but anyway comphet madam red...#...different post i have already made somewhere probably#it's the same deal for ciel i think he thinks the way the rich people govern their lives is stupid and sebastian has both spoiled him and...#...made him feel like he's above all that and honestly that mindset genuinely informs a lot of this arc and the sheep motif#kuroshitsuji#my kuro posts#ciel
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astranauticus · 10 months
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Do mechanites cry?
#rolling with difficulty#vrla rwd#mrsn rwd#vr la rwd#mr sn rwd#art i made#yet another thing i drew then just fully forgot to post LMAO#man i had to listen to 3.7 like 3 times for this. goddammit#easter egg: the 4 big infernal books in the shelf all say contract law like its a textbook series i guess#the small one next to them says Doctor Faustus bc i was looking to my irl bookcase for inspiration#and the christopher marlowe play was one of my alevel lit texts#also i think it would be really funny if the devils have their own version of the story of the deal with the devil guy#honestly this may have been the kinda. last straw of my burnout cuz this was a lot of time spent on a lot of stuff im really not good at#and none of it turned out... exactly how i wanted but oh well. it is what it is#ok the kinda annoying thing about me spending far too fucking long drawing super emotional scenes like this is i kinda#desensitise myself to whatever im drawing. like i felt it the most with the demon possession comic i casually tossed into the discord#bc thats the exact kinda angst i personally LOVE but it just doesnt have the same punch after ive been staring at it for 5 hours straight#(anyway go read cal's fic about it its on ao3 and its bloody good)#all this to say. when i first listened to 3.7 and austin had that exchange of like#'noir can i ask you a lore question' 'sure..?' 'do mechanites cry?'#i straight up got fuckin CHILLS. and sometimes i forget that but i try to force myself not to
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problematicfactive · 6 days
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Hi! You can always request some specific positivity on @multiplicity-positivity if the post we made doesn’t suit your tastes. We are NOT trying to exclude anyone or make anyone feel unwelcome with our posts. You are always more than welcome to make your own request.
Funny considering that the entire reason -this- blog exists is because that one only writes positivity for factives who source separate or are distressed by their own identity. I did request specific positivity on your blog. Twice. Both times I was directed to the same old blog post that was super heavily focused on problematic factives that just like hate themselves of something. And not just me, I get asks all the time from people talking about how you seem willing to make decent positivity for every group, but our positivity has to be rooted in self loathing.
Like I really don't mean to seem rude, but what kind of sense does telling me "you're more than likely to request your own" make when you know you direct everyone who mentions a problematic factive back to the same old post that descends into a clear bias for problematic factives that need to source separate for their own mental health.
It is incredibly ironic to only ever mention problematic factives that need or want to source separate, ignore multiple requests of positive for problematic factives that enjoy who they are and don't want it can't have that separation, and then turn around and talk about problematic introjects who love themselves and don't separate are valid.
Your problematic factives post mentions a couple of types, wonderful! It then goes into only shouting out negative experience, I can not explain enough how much it feels like "shoutout to problematic factives but only if they hate themselves because what happened in source was so bad that you can't just love yourself" and it is incredibly frustrating because we're told told by the people around us who pretend to be accepting that the only way we can be accepted isn't changing our names and our interest is and cutting source off completely and if we can't do that it's a hurl of insults. Positivity should be a place to get away from that, not have these stereotypes affirmed.
There's a reason I chose that blog post to reblog as incredibly frustrating as it was considering that it is meant to be for introjects but it *begins* with fictive specific positivity meaning readers will likely have fictive on the mind for the next post and has nothing for factives despite the fact that people do continue to request good factive positivity from you. The reason was because even though that blog was clearly not catered to us at all and there was not a sliver thrown in our direction, it was *all* we've been able to get from you. The best positivity we get from you is the one where you can't even give us a little nod.
This has been a problem on my mind for a long, long time. Go back and look at the difference between your two posts. One of them gives some neutral shout outs (if you are this, if you are that. Nothing attached to that, just if this fact applies) and then straight into the negatives (if you're going to therapy to not be yourself anymore). The other starts with a neutral but has SO many positives, while still giving some attention to the introjects that source separate.
There is such a CLEAR difference in how you handled these things. I'm allowed to point that out. I'm allowed to tell my followers that this post clearly either wasn't made with us in mind or didn't want to mention us specifically for whatever reason, but it's better for many us then the one made specifically for us.
I mean like. If you hadn't made a post for problematic factives I can get where my actions would have been pretty uncalled for, I could just ask. But I did ask. I asked twice, people in my inbox asked, and from what I understand, nothing that was beneficial to me or my askers was ever posted. Nothing that was as accepting and warm feeling at the blog post I reposted was posted. And idk what you think about that but I think that gives me the right to seem upset.
Introjects post
Factives post
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I've been thinking about the way we tend to attribute qualities to how Hyrule should "feel like" to feel authentically like itself (I often hear child-like, full of wonder, mysterious, playful but also mystical in that vague "we sort of know when we see it" sort of vibes), especially backed against common interpretations of the setting commonly heralded as "wrong" (mostly thinking about the "edgy" thing, but also when it's too childish, or when it's too dense with lore, etc), and that led me to think that Hyrule (and consorts, Lorule/Labrynna/Termina/etc), in all its known shiftiness, kind of feels like the materialization of a pathetic fallacy to me (without the negative connotation that comes with fallacy).
As in: Hyrule feels that way because Link feels that way about Hyrule. But when Link needs to feel something else, Hyrule becomes Termina. Or a Link that doesn't care about Hyrule, and that's a plot point, demands a setting like The Great Sea instead. A more mature Link that already has a community built around him will fare better in the Twilight Princess' Hyrule than he would in ALTTP's.
I feel like Hyrule, in narrative faming (and honestly there's a point to be made that it reflects the current values of the setting itself and it could be fun to consider this literally even), will always be the Hyrule of the eyes of its beholder. I'm not sure every character would even experience the very same Hyrule in the same way; but because Hyrule is built for Link, in many ways, we will very often (though not always!) see that evergreen kingdom that's always vague enough to be enticing, but precise enough to be worth the adventures.
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starheirxero · 5 months
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nothing allures me more than an Eclipse variant with some deeply rooted, fucked up issues apparently
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vibbybee · 6 months
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you guys don’t now how embarrassing it was trying to explain to my non-enstarrie friend that yes, tomoya mashiro did call me, no I’m not crazy, I have his number
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