#except going to take a shower cause the bathroom with the only shower is through the room

[erodasfishtacos]

Melt Your Cold Heart

prompt: harry’s been alone for years. a bland, bleak life where he needs nothing but his dog then he stumbles upon someone who gives him a purpose…even if for a few hours. word count: 8k

warnings: heavy angst, emotionally unavailable harry, suicidal/depressive thoughts, mental health struggles, mentions of trauma, discussion of sex work

authors note:

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I recently started a second tier called The OG Tier where 3 mini one shots (1-4kish) are posted a week.

There are currently 350 + pieces available to read

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++++++++

Harry hadn’t wanted to pull over but it was impossible to continue on the highway without potentially causing an accident.

The snow was coming down hard enough that it was a white sheet, the high speed winds were making it to be a tornado of pure smokescreens that made it impossible for his windshield wipers to work.

The semi-truck had eighteen wheels but they were all at risk of hydroplaning or losing grip on the layers of black ice that covered the asphalt without a second thought.

With such a heavy piece of equipment, he didn’t have to only look out for himself but anybody else on the road because one wrong judgment call could turn the semi into a weapon of destruction.

It meant that he was going to be at least twelve hours behind on his delivery which was making him on-edge as it was because he hated having to deal with the dickhead client that he was delivering to.

The town he stopped in was small, nothing to note, and not unsimilar to the towns he had stayed in before in his twelve years on the road.

A small Midwest town that had a truck stop with a twenty-four hour gas station, a diner that was already closed for the night, and a pavilion of bathrooms for truck drivers to clean off.

It was just about midnight when he parked his rig, taking off his baseball cap and running his hand through his hair, it was getting long and he was due for trim next time he was home but fuck, he was tired.

He never really stopped working, constantly moving across state lines and delivery shipments as a self-employed hauler - he was his own boss and he pushed himself like no boss would (who wouldn’t want to be violating labor laws).

This wasn’t one of the nicer stops.

The buildings were outdated, looking like they hadn’t been renovated since the eighties, and that was being generous.

The parking lot lights were flickering like in a horror movie, not that it frightened Harry, he has dealt with his fair on the road, and has seen a lot of things that he would have preferred not to.

It’s why he always carried, just on his hip, in case.

He would wait until the next stop to shower, at one of the more luxurious, updated places where the showers were actually decent, there was privacy, and it didn’t feel like bathing in a back alley.

For now, he just needed the restroom and a drink.

The bathrooms were just as foul as he expected, washing his hands with extra hot water to give himself a sense of cleanliness before he’s trailing over to the gas station next door.

The wind was insane, blowing the snow directly into his face, and sticking to his eyelashes.

His eyes burned with the freezing temperatures, blinking harshly as he tucks his head down until a warm gust of air hits his face as he enters the building. The lights were blindingly fluorescent and he had to adjust for a minute after driving in the dark for hours by now.

There was an older man at the counter, sitting on a stool and watching a static-filled rerun on a small television next to the register, and his skin was a sickly yellow, most likely from working the graveyard shift for far too long.

The man nods in acknowledgement but doesn’t take his eyes off the screen.

Harry walks towards the back, towards the line of coolers to grab something to drink, a soda that he normally didn’t drink but he was craving carbonation, he hadn’t eaten yet today.

He was definetly a bit too skinny.

Truck drivers were normally the opposite, out of shape, and overweight from lack of movement.

They were sat in trucks all day, every day with nothing to do but snack.

Harry was the opposite, though he was too lean, he took pride in his appearance and maintained his muscle from strapping down, unloading, and all the physical work of the job that he did himself (unlike most drivers).

He did not eat well, he knew that but found it hard to care.

Harry was in a slump, he had been for the last few years.

With being on the road, missing all major holidays, and never sticking around one place enough to settle down - he was depressed, an understatement but no one was around to listen or care.

He was alone, truly, and at some point, that had become comfortable to him.

Harry went through the motions, driving, hauling, delivering, sleeping, and repeating it over and over again.

The only thing he had was a Fire Bird (Birdie) his cattle dog who was named after his favorite car growing up, one that had been in his grandfather’s shed, and was only taken out on the town on very special occasions.

Birdie kept him sane, gave him a reason to get his ass moving every morning, and to take breaks because though he was convinced that his dog was the laziest bag of bones. Every few hours, she required a field, her ball, and Harry throwing it for her for at least twenty minutes before she passed out on the passenger seat for a few hours.

It was his routine.

Their routine.

He had found when she was a puppy.

Some trucker at a stop in Milwaukee had left the pup in the field next to the lot after she’d chewed through one of his seats.

She was malnourished, overheated, and covered in fleas.

Harry had never had a dog on the road, never thought it practical but the first time he had seen this spotted puppy with the saddest brown eyes and its tail wagging timidity on the ground.

Well it was the first time Harry had felt anything in a long time.

That was eight years ago, Birdie was a bit slower now, a gray coating her muzzle, and an attitude of a spoiled queen.

A lot more days than Harry would like to admit, she’s what keeps him going because it’s definitely not work or the money.

Harry had a hefty sized bank account from all his hard work but it sat and sat, he never spent it on anything but bare necessities so it continued to stack and stack which wasn’t a bad thing but it was nothing that brought him excitement.

It wasn’t the dream life of a thirty-three year old.

Harry had grabbed a coke before snagging a bag of overpriced jerky off the nearest display - he can’t remember the last time he ate something that wasn’t heavily processed.

There was a girl in the store too.

Harry had just caught the slightest glimpse of her as she stood by a cooler on the other side of the store, browsing the energy drinks.

She was out of place.

Harry hadn’t seen a car parked in the lot, only two other semis, and she wasn’t a truck driver by the look of her outfit.

It wasn’t weather appropriate at all.

Not for winter in the Midwest.

The woman had on a fitted black dress, it wasn’t overly fancy but it hugged every inch of her body, and high heels of all things.

Harry wonders if she was with one of the other drivers.

He doesn’t pay much mind to her until she faces him, a purple can in her hand, and she’s noticeably pretty, more so than average.

Harry wasn’t trying to be an asshole but women who hung around these areas weren’t typically most attractive.

This woman was.

Albeit the makeup she had on was too much, thick eyelashes, her blush too heavy, and a rouge lip that contrasted the complexion of her skin in an off-putting way.

Her heels click as she steps over to the counter, putting the drink on the counter, along with a protein bar, and rifling through a small purse on her shoulder.

“Eight thirty-three,” The cashier announces after scanning it, his eyes crudely running up and down the woman’s body before focusing on her face again.

The woman is rustling through her purse, pulling out crinkled bills that had been shoved carelessly in the clutch.

Harry stands a safe distance behind her, in line, watching as she smooths out the one dollar bills hastily as the cashier looks completely unamused.

“I only have five,” The girl mumbles embarrassed after she comes up empty with no more money to be found, “Can you please take off the protein bar?”

Harry doesn’t feel much often.

Tonight, he does.

A little glimmer of compassion.

But very much like himself, the girl is too skinny, not eating enough, and from what he can infer - not being able to afford food to feed herself.

“I got it,” Harry interrupts, stepping up next to the woman, and putting his stuff down aside hers, taking his wallet out of his back pocket to pluck out his bank card.

It’s the first time they make eye contact, “Oh, you really don’t have to. I’ll be okay with just the drink-“

“I’m not asking,” Harry replies curtly, tapping his card to the screen when the total rings up before tucking his wallet away and grabbing his items.

“Here,” She insists, trying to hand him the crumpled bills that she had laid on the counter, five dollars that she needed much more than him.

“Keep it,” Harry waves her off, refusing the money before walking towards the door without another look her way.

He was drawn to her.

He wouldn’t offer most, really anyone a handout - he never got one.

Harry can feel the woman’s eyes on his back as he stalks out of the station, hugging his jacket tighter against his body as he walks back to his truck to sleep for the night.

“S’fucking cold, Birdie,” Harry had complained as he locked the doors, placing up all the blinds to keep wandering eyes out.

Birdie was currently dead to the world, unbothered by his words as she snores softly from her fluffy dog bed on the floor of the cab.

Harry had just tugged off his winter jacket when he hears a knock at the driver’s side door - for a moment, he’s convinced that it’s the wind but then a few seconds later, it comes again.

“Fucks sake,” Harry grunts with annoyance, he much prefers when people leave him the fuck alone, and he has a hunch it’s the gas station cashier or another driver.

However, when he opens the door, after unlocking it, and having to use a good amount of effort to push it against the force of the wind - it’s neither.

It’s the girl from the gas station.

Her arms were wrapped tightly around her middle.

Her lips were quivering as she tried to prevent her teeth was chattering, blinking harshly through the wind up at him.

“What?” Harry asks, it wasn’t overly friendly or friendly at all.

“Are you looking for company?” The woman replies but she’s the furthest thing from confident, eyes darting around but not meeting his, “I…My rates are reasonable.”

And oh, this is what she was doing here.

Harry couldn’t tell you the amount of times that he’s had a knock on the door and been propositioned for ‘company’.

Most drivers indulged in it, they were lonely and usually away from their spouses for long spurts of time that led them to pay for the replacement.

Harry had never.

Nor did he plan to now.

As he said, this woman was fucking gorgeous, would be even more so without the cakey makeup and slinky outfit.

But he wasn’t ever going to be that lonely.

He grew up with a mom in that line of work, he felt like it was disrespectful to put a monetary price on a woman’s worth, and he had never been into casual hookups.

So yes, he would absolutely love her company but not ever under these circumstances, where she’s offering out of need and not desire.

Harry can’t remember the last time he’s had sex but the depression had killed his sex drive for the most part anyways.

He didn’t seek it out.

“No,” Harry responds flatly, not indecisiveness in his voice at all, “Not interested.”

Typically when Harry turned a proposition down, the woman wouldn’t be too thrilled whether she delivered him a ‘fuck you’ or spit on the door of his truck - that was normal response.

However, not for this girl, her face drops in a twist of embarassment and shame, and it’s also the first time someone apologizes for offering.

“I’m sorry to…to bother you. Um, have a good night. Safe travels,” She stutters out, it was obvious that she was flustered and mortified which again, made him feel just a twinge of empathy.

Harry’s about to assure her that it wasn’t a big deal but she was already turning in her heel, walking briskly back to the pavilion and disappearing inside.

He shuts his door, slumping down in his driver’s seat for a second as he rubs his hand across his face with a groan, he was too tired for this shit.

However, the thought of that girl offering her services to the other drivers or having to sleep in that dirty, run-down building wasn’t acceptable to him.

“The fuck is wrong with me,” Harry mutters to himself as he tugs his jacket back on, he never cared about any before.

Why now?

Harry’s body detests being lured back into the frigid weather, missing the warmth of his cabin instantly as he shuts the door behind him.

By the time he’s walking toward the building, the girl had disappeared inside, and wasn’t visible to him anymore.

What was he even doing?

He should turn around and go back to his truck.

But he finds himself tugging open the door, it was warmer than the outside but not by much, the heater must be in its last leg, and it was sticky - almost humid.

Harry’s nose twitched in disgust at the smell of cheap disinfectant, a half-ass cleaning job, and garbage that hadn’t been taken out soon enough.

He doesn’t see her right away, figuring he may have to go towards the women’s restroom - he follows the sign towards the back of the building.

Harry finds her, tucked into the corner of an alcove, resting against the side of a row of vending machines - smushed and hiding.

She had taken off her bag, bundling it up, and pushing it between her head and the machine to create a makeshift pillow.

Harry wishes it didn’t make his chest ache, he was so used to not feeling, and it was pissing him off that he wasn’t feeling numb to it.

Her eyes were closed but her body was tense like he knew shouldn’t couldn’t full let herself relax because she wasn’t safe.

Harry clears his throat, standing in front of her with his hands in his jacket pockets.

She startles as she hadn’t heard him approaching, bumping her head off the hard plastic of the machine covering and wincing as she tenses.

“Let’s go,” Harry waves his hand impatiently.

Yeah, his communication skills were not the best.

The woman blinks up at him in confusion, reasonably nervous as she shuffles off the floor, stumbling as she pushes herself up on a knee, uncoordinated and clumsy as she tries to get re-oriented.

Harry sighs impatiently, sticking out his hand for to take, and when she very gingerly puts her freezing cold one in his, he yanks her up to her feet with little effort - she couldn’t weigh much.

”Did you…uh,” The girl’s voice is shaky as she grabs her purse, a backpack, “Did you want to know my rates?”

Harry stops, turning back towards her, and starting to unzip his heavy, down winter coat as he shakes his, “Don’t need ‘em. I’m not interested in your services.”

The girl pauses too, swinging her backpack over her shoulder, “Why did you come get me then?”

Harry doesn’t make eye contact as he shoves his jacket unceremoniously towards her, “Put this on.”

She accepts it but doesn’t move to, “Why?”

Harry grunts out an annoyed huff, shoving his hands in jean pockets, “S’not safe for you to be sleeping in a place like this. It’s freezing in here, you’re not dressed for the weather. You can stay the night in my cab before I head out.”

YN swallows anxiously, weighing out her options before there’s a banging noise.

Someone barging through the front doors of the pavilion, a large middle-aged man that had dirty overalls on, a cigarette hanging out of his mouth, and a scraggly graying beard.

When this trucker sees the woman, he smiles like a cat who just got the cream, and doesn’t hesitate to ask in a raspy, smoker’s draw, “How much for the night, sweetheart?”

Her eyes widen in unwelcome surprise, lips twisting as she struggles to find a response.

”Um…”

”I already got ‘er,” Harry gives the man a hard, faux-possessive look (maybe it wasn’t as fake as he thought it was because he really did feel a protectiveness over her for some reason), “Tough shit.”

”Let me know if you finish with her early,” The man laughs, his gaze was predatory and foul, it made even Harry feel unsettled to just see the way he was looking at her - like an object.

“Fuck off,” Harry dismisses the man easily, though Harry was skinner than he’d prefer, his muscles were still prevelant and enough to intimidate, especially the out-of-shape man.

The girl tugs the jacket on hastily, the other trucker clearly motivating her not to stay in here.

”That’s why you shouldn’t try to sleep in here, you think he would think twice before dragging you to his truck?” Harry scolds as he steps forward, without thinking, he zips the jacket for her because the zipper can be finicky at the best times - it was old and needed replaced three winters ago at least.

”I know you could lie,” She says softly, the most she’s really said thus far, “But you’re not going to hurt me, are you?”

It was dumb question, on her end.

Why would anyone tell her the truth if their real intention was to cause her harm?

Harry really should be questioning what he’s doing.

Never once in the past has he ever taken it upon himself or felt the need to do what he was doing for this girl.

He should mind his own business and realize that she isn’t his responsibility.

“No, I’m not going to. You can get warm, get some sleep, and tomorrow at five in the morning I’m kicking you to the curb,” Harry informs her, trying to maintain the coldness that he normally keeps in his tone but he feels guilty even talking to her like that.

“Okay. I…Thank you. I’m YN, by the way,” She tells him, still shy as ever and really a contradiction to how a sex worker is - outgoing and assertive.

“Harry,” He replies as he walks them towards the exit, not looking forward to having the freezing temperatures hit the bare skin of his arms nor have the wind throwing icy clumps on snow in his face but he would take it if it meant YN stayed a bit warmer.

YN’s face pinches up when the door opens, the cold hitting her aggressively enough that her hair goes flying behind her in the wind, every which way as it tangles into a bird ‘s nest.

Harry is lucky he turns around to check on her because right as he does, she slips on a patch of ice which has her nearly falling backwards.

He grips her forearms tightly, a gnarled frown on his face as he gripes, “Who the fuck wears heels in below zero temps?”

He expects a snarky response back.

And he feels even more like a piece of shit when she tucks her chin down, mumbling an embarrassed apology as he guides her, keeping a hold of her arm.

Harry unlocks his truck, swinging open the door, and steps back, “Go ahead.”

YN hesitates for a moment, glancing back at the pavilion and seeing the truck driver from early emerge, winking at her.

She hurries inside as quickly as she can in her outfit, trying to tuck her dress to her thighs to avoid it flipping up and giving Harry a view.

Harry shuts the door behind them, locking it tightly, and double checking both side of the doors before he’s unfastening the blinds - blocking the outside world.

Last step is to put up the privacy screen along his windshield as YN keeps tucked carefully by the corner of the driver’s side.

“C’mon, I have a dog. She doesn’t like anyone but me so just leave her alone and she won’t bother you,” Harry informs her as he pushes back the curtain to his cabin, it was always spotless, and clean which was probably surprising to her.

It was a luxury sleeper, it wasn’t anything extravagant but Harry had put his savings to good use about three years ago.

A small kitchen, a dining room table that folded his bed out, and a television mounted on the wall that was usually on for background noise more than anything.

“This is really nice,” YN stands timidly in the breezeway of the front of the truck, unsure, and looking out of place.

Harry just grunts in agreement, questioning what exactly his plan was, and he grabs fresh sheets out of a small cabinet.

“You can have the bed,” Harry tells her as he strips off his sheets, they weren’t dirty but he had slept on them a few nights, “I’ll take the lounger.”

It wasn’t the most comfortable chair but he’d survive.

“No, no. I can take the chair,” YN insists sincerely with a shake of her head, her teeth still clenched as her body shook from the cold.

Harry ignores her, tugging the new fitted sheet onto the mattress, changing the pillowcases, and the comforter - he’s lucky he had a spare.

He doesn’t say anything else before gathering the comforter he’d just taken from the bed and tossing it on the lounge chair.

“Go to sleep,” Harry signals impatiently because she’s just standing there, shaking with how cold she is and he moves over to bump up the heat.

YN listens, walking slowly towards the bed, her eyes catching on Birdie’s sleeping form (who hadn’t even stirred) - what a shit guard dog.

YN sits on the edge of the bed, her hands were trembling from the cold and nerves, fingers stiff, and when she leans down to unstrap her heels - she can’t get a grip.

Harry watches for a moment before stalking over, kneeling down and wrapping his fingers around her ankle to hold of still.

YN watches him quietly as he slips the shoes from her feet, annoyance prevalent in his words as he asks pointedly, “Why the fuck would you wear these today? Do you have no self-preservation? You’re lucky you didn’t get frostbite.”

She shuts down again, like earlier when he had questioned her clothing choices, and doesn’t respond for a long second, voice soft when she does, “They’re the only pair I have.”

And…well Harry didn’t think of that.

Harry doesn’t have anything to reply with so he makes quick work of taking them off her freezing feet and she needs socks - they felt like ice under his own cold fingers.

He stands up, turning to a built in storage unit to his left as YN nervously moves to lay down, completely unsure as she lift the comforter.

“Not yet,” Harry gruffs as he digs out what he was looking for - a waffle-knit henley, a soft pair of flannel pajamas pants he never wore because he much preferred his underwear, and a pair of thick wool thermal socks, “Here. It stays relatively warm in here but it’s freezing outside. Put these on.”

“Thank you,” YN replies quietly as she stands up, without hesitation she reaches for the hem of her dress and begins to pull it up.

“Jesus,” Harry mutters as he quickly turns, giving her the privacy she deserved, rubbing a hand over the bridge of his nose.

“I’m dressed,” YN tells him after a minute of rustling as she changes into the clothes provided, “I didn’t mean to, um, make you uncomfortable. Most men want something in return, I figured you wanted to see me…change.”

Harry feels disgust seeping through him.

Not at her.

But at the deplorable men she had to be in the company of when at these types of stops.

“I told you, I don’t want shit from you. M’just trying to be a decent human being and I’d rather not see your picture on the morning news tomorrow. This is a horrible part of town,” Harry was too blunt, was constantly scolded for it during his upbringing but he never got better at it.

YN was still nervous, trembling at that as she sat down on the edge of the bed - all of the clothes were hanging off of her, the shirt slipping down her too-thin shoulder.

“I really appreciate it. I haven’t been able to sleep somewhere even half this nice without…you know, working,” YN sniffles as tears start to gather in her eyes, “I’m so tired.”

Harry feels that same tug on his heartstrings, a sensation that reminded him that he even had a beating heart.

“You’re safe. I know you just have my word but I won’t let anything happen,” Harry promises, feeding his own need to keep her safe and also make her feel that way too.

YN nods as she wipes her eyes, the makeup smearing around the edges thay has him sighing and getting up to head to the small bathroom.

He runs a clean washcloth under warm(ish) water before wringing it out.

Harry steps out to walk closer to her again, her chest was heaving as she let out emotion that Harry didn’t understand.

He doesn’t say anything - he wouldn’t even know what that would be because he hadn’t had real communication with anyone other than the other truckers on the radio for years now.

Harry is slow in his motions so that she’s not taken surprise at any point, with barey any pressure, he cups her face with one hand.

He brings the cloth up to wipe gently at the layered, tacky makeup that comes off in a thick muck, wipe after wipe.

When her face is clear of the overdone eyeshadow, harsh blush, spidery mascara clumped lashes - its startlingly how beautiful she is.

Her skin is perfect or nearly close to.

Smooth, clear, glowy in the dim light of the sleeper.

Her lips a puffy, delicate rosé pink - full and pouted.

The clean face takes at least a few years from her, that makeup had accentuated every wrinkle and crevice - aging her more than she was.

Fuck, she was pretty.

Harry tosses the cloth in his hamper, walking towards the lounge chair and kicking off his heavy, steel-toed boots.

He wasn’t obviously going to sleep in his briefs tonight and he had just handed her his only pair of pajama pants.

It wouldn’t be the first time he’d slept in his jeans nor the last, some nights he was too tired to strip them off before collapsing in bed.

“Goodnight, thank you,” YN murmurs after a mute snuffle, he watches out of the corner of her eye as she wriggles down into his bed - looking like she fucking belongs there.

“Sleep well,” Harry rumbles as he shuts off the lamp, throwing the cabin into darkness - the only light filtering through the curtains of the neon gas station sign - bright enough to grab the attention of people on the highway.

Harry reclines the chair, he didn’t normally sleep on his back but he would manage for tonight - for her.

The wind was gnarly, scraping against the sides of his truck - the occasional loose tree branch hitting, the sleet pattering against the windows.

+

Harry didn’t sleep in, his body didn’t allow him.

He ran on five hours of sleep at max before he needed to get up, move around, and get on the road.

When he blinks his eyes open, blearing at clock on his wall - three fifty-four am.

Normally, Harry wouldn’t waste much time.

He’d be on the road within the next thirty minutes after letting Birdie out, getting her breakfast, and popping into the gas station to get the biggest size coffee they had.

However, when he glances at Birdie’s bed, he has to do a double take because she’s not in there, and his heart starts pounding instantly.

Harry didn’t care about much on this earth, really barely anything but he cared about his dog - the snappy, crotchety thing.

She was always in her bed.

Harry sits up quickly, a horrible thought that the girl he let sleep her had stolen her but as soon as he is standing - he hears a telltale snore from the dog.

He follows the noise and to his utter dismay, literal dismay, because Birdie didn’t like anyone but Harry (and she didn’t like him sometimes either).

The mutt is currently being spooned by YN.

It was the most absurd thing he had ever seen.

YN was on her side, facing towards him with her face half-smushed in his pillow, her arm was slung over Birdie as the pup was nuzzled into the shape of her body.

Birdie was relaxed as can be, snoring up a storm, and pillowing her head in the crook of YN’s shoulder like they’d known each other forever.

The dog hadn’t even woke up when YN had entered.

Traitor.

Harry tucks back into his boots, tugging on his winter jacket that YN had discarded on the back of the kitchenette chair.

As he fills the disposable coffee cup, black - no cream or sugar, he tries to map out his course to Washington state.

He had done the trip many times before but having to account for horrible road condition would tack on at least a day of travel - if not more.

Harry had to get on the road as soon as possible if he didn’t want to be later than that extra day.

The weather hadn’t changed, granted, it was only nearing four in the morning but he swears that the temperature dropped even further.

As he steps back up into the cabin, his eyes trail to YN and Birdie, all cuddled up like this was their home together.

Harry needed to wake her up, kick her to the curb like he had told her (and himself) but he couldn’t imagine waking her.

Not when only a few hours prior, she had cried as she told him how tired she was, and fuck - where did his heartlessness go?

He didn’t mess with sex workers, not that he judged the profession but Harry was never a casual sex kind of guy.

And anyways, the depression that was nearly constant killed his sex drive to the point where he rarely got the urge to take care of himself - let alone pay someone to do it for him.

Harry sighs as he contemplates his choices, he was going to be behind, and he couldn’t find it in him to shake her awake.

He decides to shower, even though the rest stop was foul because he had the time and he sure he has showered in worse places.

The water doesn’t get as hot as Harry would like but the pressure get good on his aching back, he’d always had a bad one, and sleeping in the lounger would make him sore for days.

Harry takes him time, washes his hair extra well, shaves off his stubble, and he’s not doing it to be more presentable to YN - he’s not.

By the time that he’s dressed in clean clothes, it has to be close to five in the morning, he refills his coffee on the way back before he’s unlocking his truck again.

Harry’s met by Birdie, who was acting strange, she rarely waited at the door and didn’t often whine like an injured pup.

However, Birdie was clearly upset as she anxiously paced in the small area, these high pitched yowls coming from the back of her throat - head upwards as she howled.

“What is it?” Harry asks her, automatically concerned as his eyes dart to the bed.

She was gone.

The bed had been made as neat as a pin, the clothes she had borrowed were folded on top of the comforter, and it’s like she’d never been there.

Harry should feel relief because he wouldn’t have to wake her up, kick her out but it doesn’t feel anywhere close to relief,

Not when he had this vicious, innate urge to protect her.

He didn’t know what made her so special.

Harry had stumbled upon countless women down on their luck before, it was part of working around the country, stopping as places were those people tended to populate, and he had never felt any desire to help them.

He knows she must have either went to the gas station or rest stop, she didn’t have a jacket so she couldn’t have gotten far.

A sickening thought of her getting into the scumbag from last night’s truck makes him close the door and head back toward the building.

He was just in the gas station to get another coffee, he would have seen her, and when he goes back into the dank rest stop - he walks towards the women’s bathroom.

Outside the door, he can hear the patter of water streaming from one of the ancient showerheads, and knows that has to be her showering.

And so he waits.

He hears the telltale signs of heels clicking and he has to laugh when she exits the bathroom.

Her hair was sopping wet because she didn’t have a towel, her black dress was waterlogged where the ends of her hair were kissing the fabric - all while wearing those god damn shoes.

YN’s eyes go wide, scared instantly as she stutters, “I’m sorry.”

“For what?” Harry’s replies, brow knit in confusion.

YN’s face contorts, eyes darting away for a moment, “Um, I don’t know? You look upset with me. I-I left as soon as I woke up like you said.”

Was Harry upset?

Yeah, he guesses he actually was.

But not with her, not really.

He was upset that she was in a ridiculously small dress with wet hair (and clothes) in sub zero temperatures.

“What is your plan?” Harry answers instead, watching as goosebumps erupt all over her skin - it was a sticky humid in the cinderblock building but the cold couldn’t be ignored.

“My plan?” YN repeats, he hates how nervous she is around him - he understands but it’s so unnecessary, he wants to keep her safe.

He should leave.

Let her do her thing.

It’s not his business.

“Where are you going? What’s next?”

YN picks at the skin of her thumb with her index finger, chin tilted down, “I am hoping to get enough cash today to get a jacket, maybe a hotel room? That, um, that guy yesterday is still out in his truck and offered me a hundred and fifty so that’s why I was..showering.”

Harry wanted to be sick, his stomach was actually churning the coffee he had chugged down because she deserved better than that.

“No,” Harry says without thinking.

YN’s eyebrows raise in surprise, “I don’t know-“

“Three grand,” Harry interupts her, “I’m going to Washington. I’ll give you cash today to do the trip with me. Five or six days overall. I’ll buy your food, get you clothes, anything you need. On the way back, I’ll drop you off here again.”

YN is rightfully confused, biting at her bottom lip, “And what do you expect of me?”

“No sex,” Harry assures her, “I won’t try anything.”

“But why? This doesn’t make any sense. It’s just wasting money,” YN points out, she was starting to tremble from the cold.

Harry tugs off his jacket once again, this time he holds it out, and YN slips her arms in without complaint - she was freezing.

“You seem easy-going. I’ve been on the road for five years, guess I’m lonely and some company would be nice,” Harry shrugs, a rueful smile as he adds, “Also I’ll be damned if you’re getting in that scumbag’s truck. You deserve better than that.”

YN does something that shocks Harry.

She steps forward and wraps her arms tightly around his middle, her face burying in her chest as she hugs him.

The tips of her hair are dampening his own shirt but he cannot find it in him to complain.

This hug makes him realize just how long he’s been without human touch.

Harry is stiff, still processing, and YN must realize that because she starts to pull back with wide eyes, “I’m sorr-“

He shakes his head, finally moving his arms to wrap around her back, and he pulls her back into the hug - just for a moment.

“I got you, alright?” Harry rumbles as he pulls away, taking a step back, “Do you have a cell phone? Is there anyone you need to let know that you’re leaving for a few days?”

“No to both. I don’t have a cell phone, it broke a while back, and I couldn’t afford a replacement. And no, I don’t have anyone who will be concerned,” YN replies quietly, her voice was soft and sweet and filled with hurt.

“Okay,” Harry responds because he doesn’t know how to put into words that he doesn’t understand why she’s in a place like this, with no one.

She didn’t seem to have a bad bone in her body.

Harry guides YN back to his truck, as he opens the door he tells her, “I’m going to run Birdie for a few minutes. The clothes are still folded on the bed. I’ll get you new ones on the way. There aren’t stores for the next long stretch of miles.”

YN nods in agreement and as soon as Harry opens the door, Birdie is down the four steps and bounding towards YN.

Birdie jumped up on her hind legs, tail going wild as she accepts ear scratches and coos from YN, leaning down to kiss her snout.

And that’s another thing Harry doesn’t get, Birdie doesn’t do that with other people, normally she growls and bristles, bares her teeth and barks to get them away.

Birdie gets her love before bounding into the snow-topped fields, swallowing her up until Harry can only see flashes of black and white as she darts around.

It’s too cold to give her the normal amount of time and plus, he didn’t have his jacket so Birdie only got ten minutes before he whistled for her to come back.

Birdie’s whiskers are ice-tipped, snow dusting her beard, and she races back into the cabin with no issue in escaping the cold.

YN was already changed again, sitting on the bed.

Harry would be okay if he never saw her in a tight black dress or high heels again.

“I’m going to go refill my coffee, do a quick check of my truck, and then we’ll get out of here, okay?” Harry asks as he wipes Birdie off with a towel to get her dry - her fur was coarse and pretty water-resistant as it was, “Do you want food, a drink?”

YN shakes her head, declining as if it’s the polite thing to do, “No, thank you.”

Harry nods before disappearing back out of the truck.

The gas station is as desolate as it’s been the other two times that he’s gotten his coffee but now he had an armful of things.

Juices, water, hydration drinks, granola bars, a breakfast sandwich, a few cellophane-wrapped pastries.

The same clerk is still behind the register, his skin almost translucent from how pale he was, purplish veins contrasted the yellowish tone of his skin.

The man is old, his name tag reads ‘Gary’, and he scans the items with a bored expression, eyes blearing up to Harry at one point.

He had a rough, mid-western accent that made him harder to understand as he spoke, “Never a good idea to fall in love with a hooker.”

Harry is taken aback, startled by the comment as he replies, “What did you just say?”

Gary nods towards his truck out front, he clearly had seen YN going back and forth from the rest stop to his rig.

Then he nods down at the snacks, “M’just saying, son. Don’t put your eggs in her basket. They’re all smoke and mirrors. They’ll say and do just about anything for cash. Remember that.”

Harry is silent as he taps his card to the screen, he wasn’t in love with this girl, he had just met her mere hours ago under weird circumstances.

He didn’t feel anything towards her.

At least that’s what he was going to continue to tell himself so that he can remain headstrong on the promise he made to himself that he doesn’t need anyone.

He’s fine by himself.

Just him and Birdie.

Harry doesn’t give him a reaction nor a response, grabbing the plastic bag, and trudging back out into the cold.

Ready to get the fuck out of here.

YN is still where he left her but Birdie had finished her breakfast and was currently nuzzled up next to her thigh like she was her mother.

Harry unceremoniously drops the bag of items next to her, opposite of his traitorous dog, and doesn’t say anything - awkward and unsure.

YN opens the bag, glancing inside before looking up at him.

“It’s for you,” Harry waves his hand dismissively before moving to rub the back of his neck, why the fuck was he acting like this?

Like he was trying to court her with cheap gas station food and his clothes.

“Do you do this often? For girls like me?” YN wonders out loud, it’s not necessarily judgemental but curiously confused.

“I’ve never had a girl in here before, so no,” Harry shrugs, unable to hold eye contact because she’s pretty and he’s embarrassed.

“Do you…” YN hesitates, glancing down at her hands, “Nevermind.”

“You can ask me anything,” Harry doesn’t have much of anything to hide, “S’fine.”

“You don’t have a wife and kids at home, do you?” YN is timid, like she’s worried about how he’ll react to such a question.

Harry snorts, nonplussed, “No. I don’t have any family and I call this rig my home. No wife or kids.”

“Guess we’re both alone,” YN picks at a loose thread on the pajama pants, it was a fact for both of them, and the air was solemn between them.

“Well, for the next few days we have each other, right?” Harry huffs as he turns to the cabinet, out of sight, he punches in the code to his safe, and takes out the cash he promised, “Here’s the money.”

YN’s eyes go wide, taking it after a moment, running her thumb nail under the bills as they flutter before she’s tucking it into her backpack.

“I don’t know what I did to deserve your kindness but I am so grateful,” YN said earnestly, her eyes were doe-like and molten like heated caramel.

And Harry realizes for the first time since he’d met her that he hadn’t thought about his depression, about how he didn’t want to be here most days, and how most days had been all of his days lately.

She had given him a reason to keep on going for at least the next few days because he had her to take care of, protect.

Birdie was the only thing that had kept him here for the last three years, when it’s started to get really bad because he’d never abandon her.

Even if it meant enduring his own suffering for her - he would do anything for that dog, his lifeline, his lifesaver when he’s drowning.

He’s getting that same feeling with YN and he knows that’s dangerous because she could want to jump ship tomorrow and he’d be alone again.

Despite Gary’s forewarning, Harry might be putting his eggs in the basket of a girl he met less than twenty-four hours ago.

[tojipie]

what would it be like if toji had a needy cry baby gf 😣😣😣

this is such a cute ask omg :(( had so much fun writing this! enjoy

content: anxiety, hurt/comfort, fluff

the telltale sound of a buzzing phone wakes you from your catnap. you shift on the couch, lifting your head from toji’s lap to gather yourself.

“what is it?” he mumbles, pulling your blanket back over your shoulders to keep you warm. the hum of the TV almost lulls you back asleep, eyes fluttering shut.

“mm y’r phone is ringing.” you whisper groggily, rubbing your eye with the back of your hand.

“you wanna go get it for me?” toji asks, pressing a kiss to your hairline as you stand up from the couch, blanket still wrapped tight around your shoulders.

“it’s probably on the bathroom counter.” he notes, kissing you again as a thank you. he was always tender with you when you were sleepy. your heart soars as you make your way upstairs and into your shared room.

you can practically feel the ringing as you cross the threshold of the bedroom door, padding past the bed and into the connected bathroom with a hum.

he must’ve forgotten it here when the two of you had showered earlier you reason, shading your eyes from the lights the two of you left on.

you head towards the counter, grabbing the device and immediately dropping it onto the solid tile.

WHACK

… shit

“shitshitshit.” you curse, toji’s ringtone coming to a stop as soon as the phone had hit the floor.

your heart sinks to your feet all the way through the marbled tile and into the dirt as you approach the device, praying the sound it’d made on impact wasn’t as serious as you remembered.

“no.. nonono oh my god.” you whisper, immediately crouching down to pick his phone up off the floor, eyes filling with tears as you try to gauge the damage.

just as you feared, a massive crack running down one corner to another. the bottom left corner of the screen was completely blacked out save for a few blinking pixels around the edge, it’s touch screen barely responsive as your thumb runs along the electronic gash

hot tears run down your face as you realize the seriousness of what you’d done. toji needed this phone for work, practically had it on him at all times except for when he was at home.

he’d be mad at you, right? this was serious damage, something neither of you could brush off. his kindness only went so far you gathered.

and since when was bathroom tile that destructive? god, you were going to throw up.

“you ok?” your boyfriend yells from downstairs, turning your blood cold.

“yup!” you respond, voice shaking a little more than you intended. your wrap your blanket tighter around your quivering body, quickly wiping your tears with the soft fabric.

“who was calling?”

you curse again, tapping the shattered screen to try and look at the caller ID. you can barely make out shiu’s name with all the damage.

“it’s shiu.” you yell back, trying to soothe the redness around your eyes and nose in the mirror.

the stairs creak as you wobble downstairs, cheeks still wet with fresh tears. what were you even going to tell him? that you dropped his phone once and now it was practically unusable?

“hey thank you sweet gi—”

Toji’s face falls at the sight of you, immediately standing up to wrap you in his arms. your quiet sniffles turn into full blown sobbing as you clutch the phone to your chest, trying your best to hide it from him.

“what’s wrong pretty?” your boyfriend whispers, rubbing your back with a huge hand. the older man presses soft kisses to your cheeks and forehead, leading you over to the couch and pulling you into his warm lap.

“i dropped your phone.” you whimper, shaky hands fiddling with the device as you prepare to disappoint the love of your life.

“yeah?” toji mumbles understandingly. “let’s see it baby, don’t worry.” he reassures you, taking his phone from your lap and turning it over.

“it’s just it was still wet cause you were answering a text in the shower and it slipped from my hand and—”

you gauge his face for an inevitable scowl, maybe a scoff. whatever it was, you deserved it.

instead, toji smiles.

“oh my god.” you whimper. was he so mad that he had no choice to smile? was there simply not any other expression to convey how upset he was?

toji surprises you again as he throws the phone to the side, letting it bounce across the couch cushions.

“that’s it?” he laughs, rubbing up and down your sides.

“you sniffle again, wiping your eyes.

“whadduya mean that’s it… i broke it.” you practically sob, turning to get up from his lap.

warm hands circle around your arms, leading your smaller body back to his chest. the older man wipes your cheeks with both thumbs, pressing an impossibly soft kiss to your hairline.

“nothing I can’t get fixed.” he tells you, smoothing your hair away from your face.

“but it’ll be expensive..”

“not for me.” he laughs

“you should be me at me.” you mumble softly, guilt still knawing away at you.

“why would I be mad at you for making a little mistake?” toji’s voice is soft, reassuring. his chest is warm and he smells like a campfire, practically lulling you to sleep with how tenderly he holds you.

“I’ve literally had a bullet go right through my screen baby.” he laughs. “I’ve dropped my phone out of moving cars, I’ve had it run over. you think i don’t replace this thing every month?”

you gasp, head popping up from his shoulder. “a bullet?”

“you can thank shiu for that.” he mumbles, kissing you again.

“what I mean is it’s nothing i can’t fix.” he tells you, reclining onto the couch and pulling you with him. “how could I ever be mad you?” he whispers into your cheek.

you nod, the last of your tears drying up as your body relaxes on top of his. you hated how bad your anxiety got at times, clouding your judgement and effectively convincing you that the world hated you.

“tell you what.” he starts.

“tomorrow how about me and you go pick up a replacement for me, and then get you a new phone too?” he asks tenderly, tracing shapes into your hair with his finger.

“you wanted the new one right? in pink?”

you nod with a giggle, eyes fluttering shut as the sound of your boyfriend’s heartbeat syncs with yours.

“yeah.” you tell him shyly, fiddling with the hem of his shirt. “in pink please.”

[punkshort]

i know who you are | 6. the fight

Pairing: Joel Miller x f!reader

Chapter Summary: Word of Joel's indiscretion spreads quickly through town, leading to a vicious fight. When Joel begins to worry you may never forgive him, he sets into motion a plan to win you back.

Chapter Warnings: language, angst, pining, sad!Joel, amnesia, slow burn, previous infidelity mentioned, violence (fist fight), blood, bruises, jealousy/possessiveness

WC: 8K

Series Masterlist

The thought of leaving your bed was excruciating.

For nearly three days, you could hardly do much more than use the bathroom and drink some water. When you heard Joel leave for patrol, his footsteps always pausing hesitantly on the other side of your door before begrudgingly going down the steps, you would eventually drag yourself downstairs and force yourself to eat something. Anything. It didn't really matter. You didn't crave anything. Didn't look forward to a single thing except the sweet embrace of sleep. But by the fourth day, you knew you would have to go back to work or else Nick would make a house call to check on you.

You had lied and said you hurt your back so you could get out of working for a few days, but enough time had passed, enough tears were shed, enough pity was wasted when you finally forced yourself to get up one morning and take a shower.

It helped more than you thought it would. The steam billowing around you in the confined space, the warm water pummeling your shoulders, working out the kinks in your muscles from too many hours hunched over in agony. If you had any self-awareness, you might have asked yourself why you had such a powerful reaction to Joel kissing someone else. If you had a clear enough mind, you might have remembered you didn't even react this badly when you woke from your accident only to discover your whole family was dead and the world went to hell.

No, you only seemed to fall into a deep depression over Joel finding comfort from another woman.

And not just any woman. Angie.

It still made your blood boil as you slipped on clean clothes for work. You should have known she was a shark, smelling blood in the water that very first night when she cornered you in the bathroom.

And to make matters worse, he had the audacity to accuse you of not caring. Not giving a shit about him, to be exact.

That fucking asshole.

When you came down the stairs and spotted the coffee maker still on with your favorite mug next to the carafe, you scoffed and kept walking to grab your coat. As much as you wanted some coffee, you were too stubborn to accept Joel's shitty gesture.

The winter sun was blinding against the snow. Or maybe your eyes were just too swollen and dry, too accustomed to staying in the darkness of your bedroom for days on end, but whatever it was caused you to wince and rub your face.

"Hey! You're alive!" you heard Ellie's voice call out from the driveway. She was walking up the path at the exact same time as you with her backpack slung over one shoulder and her winter jacket unzipped.

"Yeah, barely," you replied, wishing you had some of the coffee Joel had left behind. You took the porch steps carefully and met her out on the sidewalk, your pupils finally adjusting to the brightness. "How's it going, kid?"

She opened her mouth to reply but paused, giving you a funny look.

"What's wrong?" you asked, unable to read her expression.

"Nothing, just that nickname... took me by surprise," she laughed with a shake of her head, "you used to call me that before. Haven't heard it in a long time, I guess." You shielded your eyes and shrugged.

"Common nickname, I suppose," you reasoned, and she nodded in agreement.

"How's the back?" she asked with a point, and you almost had to ask her what she was talking about before you remembered your lie.

"Oh! Much better, thanks. Must've pulled a muscle or something, who knows."

"Well, that's good. Listen, I gotta get to school, but do you wanna get dinner later with me and Dina? Seth's making mac and cheese, and it's like, the fucking best, dude," she said excitedly, and you didn't have the heart to say no.

"Yeah, sounds great," you smiled, then gave her a quick wave before heading in the opposite direction towards the infirmary.

It was only a short ten minute walk to work, but the fresh air combined with stretching your muscles for the first time in days really did something to improve your mood. By the time you pushed open the door to the infirmary, you were actually looking forward to working again.

And so was Nick, apparently, because his eyes lit up and his body sagged with relief when he saw you.

"I was a few hours away from sneaking you the good pills and begging you to come back," he joked, then his face turned serious. "Everything alright? What happened?"

"Oh, I'm fine," you said, waving off his concern, "I slipped on some ice and pulled a muscle, it's all good now."

"Well, be careful out there, alright? You're the best aide I have."

"I'm the only aide you have," you corrected him before hanging up your jacket. "What do you need me to do?"

The morning went by fast. Nick had told you in the few days you were out, the clinic wasn't terribly busy, but he unfortunately did fall behind on housekeeping. So you busied yourself running loads of sheets and blankets to the laundry, then sanitizing equipment until Mr. Phillips came in after lunch with a laceration on his arm from working in the stables. It wasn't a bad injury, but it required some cleaning and a few stitches, which you were secretly eager to observe. You wanted to get more exposure to stitching in the hopes of being able to take care of non-emergency injuries by yourself one day.

It felt good to feel useful again. Staying busy forced your mind off Joel and the whole mess waiting for you at home, and you were grateful for the distraction. So much so that you decided to stay a little longer than usual and fold the linens that came back from the laundry. You were killing two birds with one stone: staying busy and avoiding going home in between work and dinner. By now, you knew he'd be back and likely waiting for you, and you still had no idea what you would say.

As the sun began to set and the world outside the infirmary grew darker, you slid your coat back on and locked the door behind you before heading for the dining hall.

Shoving your hands deep into your pockets, you tucked your chin against your chest, feet carrying you swiftly through the streets, eyes cast down and avoiding others as best you could. When you arrived at the dining hall, it was packed, per usual, but you did manage to spot Ellie and Dina holding a small table in the back of the room. As you weaved your way through the crowd, you noticed they were sharing some bread and butter and you felt your stomach rumble. For the first time in days, you felt excited to eat.

"Hey," you said in greeting as you dropped your coat over the back of an empty chair before giving them each a half hug. "Freezing out there."

"Give it a second. It's hotter than hell in here," Dina joked before pushing the basket of bread in your direction. You plopped down into your chair and moaned when you felt the bread was still warm, then tore off little pieces and popped them into your mouth.

"Hungry?" Ellie asked, only partially joking as you nodded vigorously.

"Did you order the mac and cheese yet?"

"Yeah, didn't want him to run out," she replied as she eased back into her chair and turned her head toward Dina. "Do you see Chris and Holly over there? What are they thinking? They know that shit'll get back to Claire. What a bunch of assholes."

"Who?" you asked, your voice muffled around the bread.

"Couple of kids in our class," Dina explained, nodding towards the other side of the hall. You twisted around, your eyes scanning the crowd until you saw a younger couple sitting together, the girl sitting on the guy's lap and toying with his hair. "That's Chris, and he's been dating this girl, Claire, for like, what? Six months or so? And look at him. Letting that hussy crawl all over him. Men are pigs."

You choked on your laughter and took a swig of water. If only they knew.

Ellie's eyes lit up as she looked at something behind you, and you turned around to follow her gaze, spotting Seth as he made his way through the crowd with three plates of mac and cheese. However, just over his left shoulder you happened to notice Joel for the first time since you arrived, but by the looks of it, it was not the first time he noticed you.

He was sitting at his usual table with Tommy and another guy from patrol you vaguely recognized, the other two men engrossed in conversation while Joel pinned you with his stare. You quickly turned away, your cheeks feeling flush, and tried to focus on your dinner.

"Shit, this looks amazing," you said, distracted by the cheesy, piping hot dish set in front of you.

"I'm telling you, man, it's the fucking best," Ellie told you before digging in. You had to stifle a moan when the food hit your tongue for the first time, eternally grateful for the impeccable timing because all you could think about in that moment was how good it tasted, Joel temporarily forgotten for the first time in days.

"Didn't you eat today?" Dina asked, her lips twitching into a grin, and you shook your head.

"Not really. Haven't had much of an appetite this week," you told her, and Ellie tilted her head to the side.

"Your pain was that bad?"

"Huh?" you asked, then it dawned on you once again. The Lie. "Oh, yeah. I mean, I ate a little, I just wanted to sleep, I guess."

"Joel didn't make sure you ate?" she pressed, her eyes flicking over your shoulder. You dropped your fork, scrambling to come up with yet another lie when her brow furrowed and her eyes narrowed, making you twist around to see what made her demeanor change so suddenly.

As you expected, she was looking in Joel's direction, but he was no longer looking at your table. It was impossible considering Angie was standing directly in front of him, blocking his view with her body, her hand resting on the back of his chair.

"What is she up to now?" Dina murmured to Ellie, but you could hardly register her words. The way your anger ignited deep within your chest and licked up your throat, it was a miracle you even remembered to breathe. Joel's legs shifted, knees turned away from her, but that was all you could see. You couldn't see the look on his face or hear what was said. You couldn't see where his hands were. But you could see Angie flick her long, straight hair over her shoulder with a flirty laugh that was clearly meant to pull attention onto her.

If you didn't have tunnel vision, you would have noticed she was successful. A few heads turned, men's eyes lingering on her backside while women's eyes darted in your direction, but you were incapable of processing any of it. Ellie was saying your name, but you couldn't hear her over the ringing in your ears.

It was less than a minute. Thirty seconds, tops, and she walked away from him with a sickly grin plastered across her face, her two friends returning her mischievous smile before flanking her side, making their way towards the exit like a swarm of bees.

Without even thinking, you stood up.

"What are you doing?" Ellie asked, but you ignored her. Instead, you pushed your way through the crowd in a trance, shouldering people out of your way without so much as an apology, too laser focused on your target to care.

"Joel!" Ellie called out to him. He was rubbing his face angrily, trying to avoid his brother's eyes glaring at him in disbelief over what he just overheard Angie say when he heard Ellie. Great, she knows, too, he initially thought, but when he looked up and saw Ellie and Dina, panic-stricken, making their way towards the exit, he realized something was happening. He didn't see you until you emerged from the crowd and reached for the door, swinging it open and allowing a cool blast of air into the room before disappearing outside.

"Oh, shit," Joel mumbled, snatching his coat and forcing his way through all the people as quickly as he could. Tommy followed, confused at first, until he realized you were no longer at your table and then it clicked.

By the time you made it outside, you nearly missed where they went, but luck was on your side because her high-pitched giggle danced through the bitter cold air and you twisted your head to the left, just in time to see the three women in the shadow of night round a corner and head down a residential street.

You were nearly running to catch up with them, but you couldn't feel your feet hit the ground or hear the gravel crunching under your boots. And neither did they, because when you found yourself less than ten feet away, they were still giggling and talking animatedly amongst themselves, completely oblivious to your presence.

Skidding to a stop, you shouted, "Hey!"

All three women swirled around in surprise, their eyes wide and their smiles slipping from their faces when they sensed the rage radiating from your body. But even still, Angie tried to play dumb.

"Can we help you?" she asked sarcastically with a dry laugh, but when you took a step forward, she went quiet.

"Yeah," you sneered, fists clenching at your sides, "I had a question for you, actually."

Angie looked perplexed, not expecting that, so she held her hands out to her side, urging you to continue while Ellie and Dina caught up, standing a few paces back.

"Did you run out of dick to suck in this town or are you just that fucking bored you thought you'd give home wrecking a try?"

Dina snickered behind you and Ellie gasped.

"Home wrecking?" she replied, raising her eyebrow and crossing her arms. "Is that what you'd call your man following me into the ladies room at the bar so he could shove his tongue down my throat?"

Your nostrils flared and your ears began to make that buzzing noise again, so you dug your nails into your palms, desperately trying to ground yourself.

"Can I even call him your man?" she taunted, feeling like she got the upper hand. "Are you even together anymore? You clearly don't fuck him if he was looking for it from-"

You couldn't even remember moving. Your feet had a mind of their own as you closed the distance between you with two long strides and swung your arm back with as much force as you could muster, backhanding Angie right across the mouth.

Her hands flew up to her face and her two friends stumbled backwards in surprise, but all you saw was red. Before she could recover, you grabbed her by the coat and threw her down onto the muddy street, knocking the wind out of her with a sharp gasp. Quickly, before she could get up, you straddled her midsection. With your left hand pressing down on her chest and your right balled into a fist near your head, you landed a punch right on her perfect little nose with a sickening crunch, causing a trail of blood to trickle out of her nostrils seconds later. But that didn't stop you. You kept going, your knuckles, now bloody, marring her flesh over and over again, but when you made contact with her jawbone, you flinched, a jolt of pain shooting down your middle finger making you pause.

That was when Angie saw her opportunity.

She vaulted you off her with her hips and she rolled to her side, pinning you to the ground with blood dripping down her face. She scratched desperately at your eyes and mouth, your hands coming up to protect yourself with a yelp, before she began landing weak punches against your cheek and mouth. And even though they weren't as forceful as your hits, her weight pinning you down kept you from reclaiming the upper hand.

Ellie and Dina were shouting your name, but you tuned them out. All you could focus on was Angie, blocking her punches as best you could while you waited for your opportunity to take her down.

Then, Angie's hand wrapped around your throat, her fingers pressing into your windpipe. Your hands grabbed her wrist as you fought for air and violently thrashed underneath her.

"Face it," she hissed, leaning down and putting more pressure against your throat, "If it was that easy, I was doing you a favor. He never really loved you, you were just an easy fuck before your brain got all scrambled."

Her words were exactly what you needed to get your second wind.

With an angry roar, you punched her right in the throat, and although you couldn't get much force behind it, it was enough to make her loosen her grip in surprise. And just as Tommy and Joel were running up the street, you tossed Angie to the side and scrambled back on top of her. But this time, you didn't stop.

You were merciless, your hands were a blur. Fists rained down blows upon her face while she desperately tried to shield herself, but it was no use.

"Stop!" she sobbed, begging, but the fear in her voice just egged you on.

Blood began to stain her yellow hair, her perfect skin began to turn red and purple while your fists never stopped, each blow creating a new mark or cut. You couldn't stop if you tried. Something snapped and you unlocked a part of yourself you didn't know, or didn't remember, existed. Some part of you that was a warrior. A fighter. A survivor. And it wasn't until Joel hooked his arms underneath yours and hauled you back that you finally stopped, your chest heaving and your eyes wild.

"Y-you crazy b-bitch!" Angie sputtered, blood trickling from her nose and mouth as Tommy knelt in front of her.

"You haven't seen crazy!" you screamed as you kicked and struggled to get out of Joel's grip. Tommy reached down to help Angie up and he motioned for her friends to come forward. "Stay the fuck away from us or I'll fucking kill you!" you shouted, "You hear me, you fucking whore? I will fucking kill you!"

"Calm down!" Joel yelled from behind, but your blood boiled as you focused your rage on him.

"Get your fucking hands off me," you snarled, wrenching your arms out of his grasp. "This is your fault!" you continued, pointing your finger in his face and backing away, ignoring the tortured look he gave you. A sick part of you was pleased to see the sting of your words land.

"I think she needs to see Nick," Tommy said as both of Angie's friends struggled to help her up.

"She's lucky she's alive," you snapped as you wiped the back of your hand over your bloody face.

"Holy shit, dude," Ellie murmured as you turned around, her eyes all wide with shock.

"I'm going home," you grumbled, wiping more blood from your cheek as you began the journey back to your house on shaky legs, wondering how on earth you were expected to share a space with Joel after tonight. Dina and Ellie exchanged some quick words as you left before Ellie quickly caught up with you.

"I'll clean you up."

"You don't-"

"I know. But I want to," she said, wrapping her arm around your shoulder, and it took everything in you not to lean into her and let her drag you home.

You were exhausted. Mentally and physically. And you just wanted to go to bed. But you were grateful for Ellie. Someone who cared, someone who saw you were hurting and needed help without having to ask for it. So you let her clean you up in your bathroom when you arrived back home, her nimble fingers delicately pressing against your wounds, cleansing them as best she could before pressing band aids and butterfly bandages against your cuts and then making you an ice pack to help with the swelling.

She tucked you into bed and made you drink some water before sitting down on the edge of your mattress with a sigh.

"I had no idea," she began, and you quickly waved her off.

"I know. It's... I know," you said, at a loss for words.

"You didn't really hurt your back, did you?" she asked, and you slowly shook your head. "That motherfucker," she seethed, "I can't believe him, I'm going to kill him, I swear-"

"Just leave him alone," you told her, "Let me handle it."

The two of you sat quietly for a moment, each of you lost in your own thoughts before she spoke again.

"It wasn't like that before," she began, and at first you weren't following, but then you realized: she was talking about before your accident. "You were crazy about each other. Angie was never an issue. Neither of you paid her any attention. She just saw an opportunity and took advantage," Ellie said as her fingers tangled in her lap. "I shouldn't even be saying this, it feels like I'm defending him, but I swear. I was with you guys all the time. You were in love, man."

"Things changed, I guess," you said sadly, but she shook her head.

"You guys are what inspired me and Dina to go for it," she said softly, avoiding your gaze. "We were scared, but I saw how you two were together and how you made it work and, I don't know," she said, picking at her fingernail, "I guess what I'm trying to say is, I look up to you guys. And it's kind of fucking with my head right now that all this is happening."

"Ellie, no," you said, shifting a bit in bed and reaching out to her. "Don't say that. Don't question what you and Dina have because of me and Joel."

She swallowed and looked at you, her eyes soft and worried.

"Why did he do it?" she asked quietly, and you could hear the pain in her voice. Pressing your lips together, you shrugged.

"It's complicated."

She nodded and looked away. "Will you do me a favor?" she asked.

"Yeah."

"Would you give him a chance? Just hear him out and let him explain?" she begged, and you immediately bristled. "You don't have to forgive him. Just... don't give up yet. Please. He loves you, I know it, and... and I think you love him, too."

You scoffed then cleared your throat, your fingers coming up to press gently on your tender neck. "I don't love him," you croaked, but she shook her head.

"If you don't love him then why do you care so much?" she countered, and you fell silent, unable to give her an answer, eyes drifting aimlessly around the room. "Why did you almost kill Angie for sleeping with him if you didn't love him?"

"Sleeping with - no, Ellie. They didn't have sex. He kissed her," you quickly explained, and her eyebrows shot up in surprise.

"You rearranged her face because he kissed her?" she asked in disbelief, then laughed softly and stood up. "I'm not saying he didn't fuck up, but dude. Come on. You gotta see it, now, right?"

You took a deep breath and rubbed your eyes.

"Alright. For you, I'll... talk to him, or whatever," you grumbled half-heartedly.

"Thank you," she said, her voice sounding more like herself once again before turning to leave and allowing you to rest. If you had any inkling she was trying to manipulate you into forgiving Joel, it was quickly expunged because you awoke an hour later to her arguing with him in the living room when he arrived home, the conversation ending with her storming out of the house and then his weary footsteps slowly climbing up the stairs.

Once again, you watched as he paused outside your room, two narrow shadows cast by his legs breaking up the thin beam of light under your door until he thought better of it and kept walking, his own bedroom door closing softly with a click.

The pain was worse the next morning, but you refused to admit it. The cuts burned and the bruises throbbed, but you were too stubborn to let any weakness show, although one look at your bruised neck would tell anyone the truth. You forced yourself out of bed, feeling too guilty to bail on Nick after already taking so many days off to wallow in your own misery, and washed up before heading downstairs. Much to your surprise, Joel was sitting at the kitchen table, his big hand cupping a mug of coffee while he stared blankly at the wall, lost in his own thoughts. When you first saw his face, the bags under his eyes evident, even from across the room, it was clear he hardly got any sleep.

Good, you thought. Then you remembered your promise to Ellie and bit back whatever nasty remark you were getting ready to toss his way. Instead, you dragged yourself to the coffee maker, ignoring the mug Joel left out for you and choosing your own, unable to resist the urge to be just a little bit spiteful.

He cleared his throat as you poured your coffee, a warning he was about to speak, and your shoulders tensed.

"How're you feelin'?"

"About as good as I look," you muttered, bringing the coffee to your lips and taking a tiny sip before turning around. He looked up at you, for the first time seeing the extent of your injuries and he jolted forward in his chair, fighting back the instinct to stand up and inspect your wounds. He blinked rapidly, gaze skirting over your face and neck, worry etching his features until you sighed.

"It's not really that bad," you admitted, looking down at your feet.

"Tell Nick t'give you somethin' when you get to work," he said, voice strained. You nodded and took another sip of your coffee. He swallowed nervously before inching forward in his chair and clasping his hands between his knees. "I'm sorry," he said, the words laced with guilt and shame. "I'm so sorry, I fucked up. But you gotta believe me, I didn't go out that night lookin' for her or anyone else. I just wanted to drink and be alone for a little while." He rubbed his palms over his face while you still stared down at the floor, listening.

"I believe you," you finally said after a tense stretch of silence. He dropped his hands and looked up.

"You do?"

"Doesn't mean I forgive you, but I believe you didn't run out of here looking to shove your tongue down someone else's throat."

He grimaced and dropped his chin to his chest.

"D'you think-" he cut himself off and took a deep breath before forcing himself to look at you again. "D'you think you could ever forgive me?"

You closed your eyes and pressed your lips into a thin line.

"I don't know," you said quietly. Your head was pounding, so you rubbed your forehead, his eyes trained on you anxiously from across the room, knee bouncing slightly as he waited to hear you say anything that would give him a glimmer of hope. "You really fucking hurt me, Joel," you said, trying to hide your lower lip as it trembled, but he heard the pain in your voice and it broke his heart.

"I know, I'm an asshole and I don't deserve you. I never did. Not after what happened at the hospital and definitely not now," he said, standing up and taking a few hesitant steps in your direction, stopping when he reached the kitchen island. "But I'll do whatever it takes. I'll wait as long as I need to, I'll spend the rest of my life makin' it up to you, prove to you that-"

"I don't want to lead you on, Joel," you said solemnly, eyes watering. "I can't promise I'll ever move past it. I'm not sure we're strong enough to get through this."

"Yes, we are," he told you adamantly, "I don't want anyone else. I only want you. You ain't leadin' me on because I don't wanna go anywhere else. I don't care what that looks like in the future, I'll take whatever you give me, that's all I want."

You swallowed hard, trying to ignore the wobble in his voice, and looked into the living room, the framed photo of your house that Ellie drew for you several Christmases ago, the same one you read about in your journal, catching your eye, and you felt yourself tear up.

I just want to go home, you thought, but home no longer existed. This was your home, like it or not.

You turned away, looking out the window over the sink blinking back tears, but Joel had already followed your gaze to the photo.

"I should get going," you said, voice thick. You chugged whatever coffee you could and dumped the rest in the sink.

"I'm gonna make it up to you," he said, following you to the door, "I'm gonna make this right." You scoffed.

"Yeah, okay," you mumbled sarcastically, shoving on your boots and coat before swinging open the door and heading out into the frigid winter morning, big flakes of snow slowly swirling and falling from the sky as Joel watched you trudge down the street, hunched over and curled in on yourself. A shell of the person he knew you to be.

He did that. He caused you pain. And it made him sick.

But at least he finally thought of a way he could prove how much you meant to him.

Sweat covered your forehead by the time you made it to the infirmary, your wool knit cap to blame for the excessive heat pouring from your head while your face was ice cold. You yanked it off your head and shed your coat before making your way to the back, your hair sticking to your forehead. Nick was nowhere to be found, but one of the exam room doors was closed and you heard voices murmuring on the other side. Assuming he had an early patient, you pulled your hair back and got to work. It was supposed to be a quiet day. Nick wanted you to work on an updated inventory list after getting a big batch of supplies two weeks prior from an unexplored hole-in-the-wall pharmacy.

The exam room door swung open, the voices clearer now, and your shoulders stiffened when you recognized the patient. You should have assumed Angie would be there that day, but for some reason it hadn't occurred to you.

Your anger had diffused a bit since the night before, that raw, exposed nerve quelled by time, but that didn't stop you from glaring at her as she passed by the inventory closet. Her swollen eyes widened with fear when she saw you and for the first time, you got a good look at the damage you inflicted. Her nose was clearly broken, she was missing a tooth and both eyes were black and blue, but the cuts on her cheeks and lips were superficial, at best.

She kept walking, not daring to say a word in your direction as your eyes followed her out the door. When she left, Nick turned around with a sigh and crossed his arms.

"How're you feeling?"

You shrugged and turned back to your clipboard. "I'm alright."

"You look like shit," he said, sidling up next to you and plucking the ibuprofen from the shelf. He tapped out two pills and dropped them into your palm before closing the bottle, putting it back where it belonged. "Did you eat?"

With just a shake of your head you popped the pills, swallowing them dry before turning back to your task.

"You gotta eat something with those, it'll tear up your stomach," he said, disappearing down the hallway and coming back a few minutes later with an apple. You grimaced but took it anyway, unable to stop your mind from replaying the memory of peeling apples with Joel just a week prior. Before everything went to hell.

Nick watched you quietly for a moment as you chewed your apple slowly and read down the list of medications on your clipboard.

"Do you, uh," he began, awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck, "do you need someone to talk to?" You glanced up at him in surprise and he dropped his hand back to his side. "We don't have to talk about it. But I know you still feel like you're a stranger in this town, and that's gotta be tough." He scratched his greying chin as he glanced around the room and you had to fight back the laugh that bubbled up your throat. You couldn't help it.

He noticed the amused look on your face at his discomfort and pretended to be annoyed when he muttered, "just come find me if you wanna talk or whatever," but you knew it was just an act. Nick was typically a quiet man, kept to himself and hardly ever spoke to his patients, let alone you, his employee, about personal matters. The fact he was trying now must mean he really thought you needed it.

The older man disappeared down the hall to his office and you smiled to yourself, then focused back on work, grateful for something that took your mind off your misery, even if it was just for a moment.

"What the hell do you want?" Tommy scowled when he flung open his door to find his older brother waiting on the other side, hands shoved deep in his pockets, weight shifting foot to foot in an effort to keep warm.

"C'mon, Tommy, I'm gettin' it from all angles, here."

"I don't give a shit," he spat, turning on his heel to retreat back into the house, but left the front door open. Joel took a step inside and quietly shut the door behind him, glancing around the entryway and peering into the living room as he took off his outerwear.

"Maria home?"

"No, she's down at the stables with Violet. Showin' her the horses, gettin' her outta the house," he grumbled, angrily putting away dishes as he spoke. Joel sighed and flattened his palms against the counter.

"I gotta ask for a favor."

Tommy scoffed and shook his head. "You're a piece of work, y'know that?"

"Yeah, I fuckin' know. Jesus Christ, Tommy, I made one goddamn mistake!" Joel yelled, slapping his hand against the cool countertop. Tommy twisted around, brow furrowed, and crossed his arms.

"Don't take an attitude with me," Tommy said through clenched teeth, "I don't give a shit if everyone's gangin' up on you. You deserve it! I thought she was the one you wanted to spend your life with? The one you'd do anythin' for?"

"She is!" Joel exclaimed, raking his fingers through his hair. Tommy's eyes softened while he watched his brother struggle, the enormity of what he did clearly taking its toll.

"Then what the fuck were you thinkin'?" he asked after a few moments, tone pleading. "Everythin' was goin' so well. You guys were havin' a nice time at the party, laughin' and smilin', we all saw it. Then you take 'er home and step out like that?"

"It's not- I was drunk and misread some things," Joel replied, rubbing his eyes with the pads of his fingers. "I tried to kiss her, she shot me down and I didn't take it all that well, alright?" Joel dropped his hand, exasperated, and looked at Tommy once again, taking a deep breath. "Went to the bar to drink and Angie sunk her claws into me. I got the hell outta there and confessed the second I got home but... didn't matter," he said, hanging his head between his shoulders.

"Angie said you followed her into the bathroom, Joel. Don't bullshit me, I was sittin' right there."

"I know, Jesus, it's my fault. I was drinkin' and upset and she was just... there. Pesterin' me and pushin' my buttons. It was only a second, Tommy. Nothin' else happened, y'hear me?" Joel's eyes were wide and desperate as he stared at his little brother across the kitchen.

"It's no excuse, Joel," Tommy said sadly. Joel pushed off the counter with a huff and yanked angrily at his disheveled hair again.

"I know that. I'm just tellin' you how it went down. But I gotta make it up to her. I gotta make it right."

"How the hell do you plan on doin' that? 'Cause from where I'm sittin', only way she could move past it is if I take her back out into the woods so she can hit her head again and forget," Tommy said.

Joel rolled his eyes and slumped into a chair at the kitchen table.

"I got an idea. Don't know if it'll work, but it's all I can think of to prove what she means to me," he said softly, staring down at his fingers twisting together in his lap.

Tommy sized his brother up and down before taking a few steps closer, his hands coming to grip the back of a chair as he leaned forward.

"Let's hear it."

Joel sighed and tilted his chin up. "I need a week off from patrol. I gotta leave Jackson. And I need a horse."

"What?" Tommy asked incredulously. "In the middle of winter? Absolutely not. You'll die out there."

"I survived out there before I came to Jackson, I'll be fine."

"Been a long fuckin' time and you weren't alone when you did it," Tommy argued.

"You offerin' to help?" Joel asked, and Tommy laughed dryly. But Joel continued to stare at him.

"You're serious, aren't you?"

"'Course I am," Joel replied, "she ain't ever gonna forgive me but I gotta do somethin', Tommy. I can't lose her, and right now, it really feels like I'm gonna lose her." Joel's voice cracked and he turned away, looking out the window so Tommy couldn't see the emotion behind his eyes.

Tommy groaned and yanked a chair out to sit down.

"What'dya need me to do?"

It was a long day on your feet and your face hurt more than you cared to admit, so by the time you arrived home, you decided to make yourself a sandwich and go to bed early, skipping an appearance at the dining hall where you knew half the town would be gawking at you and your wounds, anyway.

Fortunately, Joel was up in his room with the door closed when you quietly snuck upstairs with your sandwich. You were still emotionally exhausted from your brief conversation that morning and you were grateful he wasn't looking to have another one.

Nick had sent you home with one of the good pills, as he called it, so you took it with your meal and within the hour, you were out cold. Maybe if you hadn't taken the pill, you would have been awake to hear Joel's bedroom door squeak open, the rustling of fabric and the tinkling of metal cutting through the quiet hallway as he gripped his sleeping bag in one hand and his backpack stuffed with supplies in the other.

Like he usually did, he paused outside your room, his eyes lingering on the doorknob, ears straining for any sign that you were awake, that maybe you had a change of heart and he could call the whole trip off, but he was only met with silence.

He swallowed and turned towards the stairs, quietly tiptoeing down and packed another bag with food from the pantry before setting all three items by the door. At the last minute, he decided to leave a note, not even certain you would notice or care he was gone, but he knew Tommy would be furious when he found out he lied to him earlier and he really didn't want his brother to waste manpower trying to hunt him down in the wilderness. So he grabbed a pen from a drawer and an old envelope. The tip of his pen hovered over the paper as he struggled with what to say, then finally decided to keep it brief before scribbling his note, leaving it by the coffee maker where he knew you would see it.

Lastly, he strode into the living room and grabbed one more thing, shoving it into his backpack before piling on his layers and heading out the front door, giving the house one last forlorn glance before slipping quietly into the night.

It was your day off, so naturally you allowed yourself to sleep in a little, hoping that the extra rest would help your bruises to heal. At the very least, you were pleased to discover the pain around your throat was significantly better than the day before.

You didn't hear Joel when you got up, but that was typical. He usually had early morning patrol shifts and was back by the afternoon, but when you came downstairs and saw the coffee wasn't made like it normally was, you froze. Your eyes drifted around, noticing his coat and boots were missing.

Maybe he was running behind and just didn't have time to make coffee.

As unusual as that might be, it was the only logical conclusion until you walked over to the coffee maker and saw an aged envelope sticking out of your favorite mug. You frowned and picked it up, eyes quickly scanning the words once, then three more times before the panic set in, your stomach churning worse and worse each time.

Tell Tommy I'll be back in a week.

He knows why.

No matter what, just know I love you with my whole heart, in this world or the next.

Joel

Boots unlaced and coat unzipped, you raced down the street towards Tommy's house, the envelope gripped tightly in your fist.

What the hell did that mean? Where did he go? What is he doing? And why did he sneak out without telling Tommy?

You banged on the door, the wood rattling violently under your clenched fist, only afterwards realizing you could have been waking their daughter but fortunately when the door opened, you saw Violet and Maria playing in the living room over Tommy's shoulder.

"What's goin' on, sugar? You okay?" he asked, voice filled with concern when he saw the look on your face.

"Joel's gone," you said hurriedly before pushing past him and entering the house, yanking off your hat and exchanging glances with Maria from across the room.

"Gone? What'dya mean, gone?"

"I mean I woke up today and he was gone, Tommy!" you exclaimed, handing him the note. "Where did he go?!"

You were aware your voice was panicky, that your eyes were wide with fear and your breath was fast and shallow, but you didn't care how it looked to them in that moment.

Tommy scanned the note and sighed, rubbing his forehead before urging you to join him in the living room, where he collapsed onto the sofa.

"That idiot," he murmured under his breath, handing you back the envelope.

"Where is he, Tommy?" you tried again, hoping to sound less frantic this time.

He glanced at Maria before meeting your gaze.

"He was here yesterday afternoon. Told me he needed a favor. Said he needed a week off from patrol and a horse."

"To do what?" you pressed, sinking down into an armchair next to the couch.

"He said-" he cut himself off and looked down at the note in your hand, ticking his jaw to the side as if he was contemplating how much to tell you.

"Spit it out," you demanded, and his eyes snapped back up to you.

"Said he had a plan to make things up to you. For, y'know," he waved his hand in the air, not wanting to say it. You shook your head.

"What was his plan?"

"He wouldn't tell me everything but I offered to help," Tommy admitted, glancing guiltily at Maria who shot him a surprised glare. "Said he needed to go to California, that he wanted to bring a piece of you back. I'm guessin' you're from out that way?" Tommy asked, and you nodded slowly. "He said he would wait 'til I talked to Maria and worked out the schedule but I guess he decided to fuck off-"

"Tommy!" Maria scolded sharply, covering Violet's ears, and Tommy cringed.

"Sorry," he said softly before turning back to you. "Guess he decided to lone-wolf it."

Your eyes drifted back to the note in your hand, swallowing the lump in your throat while your mind raced to catch up.

"What if he doesn't make it?" you asked, eyes still glued to the envelope, "what if he dies out there and it's all my fault?"

They heard your voice waver and exchanged sympathetic looks.

"He made a choice, he knew the risks," Maria said, "but he's a capable guy. If there were anybody who could make it out there alone, it's Joel."

"Listen, I'd send a couple guys out there lookin' for him but there's a storm brewin'," Tommy said, rubbing his chin and glancing out the window. "Been watchin' those clouds build up over the mountains all week. Told Joel as much and he agreed to wait but reckon he changed his mind and wanted to get in front of it."

"Or it was his plan all along to leave alone and he just made sure no one would come after him," Maria said, making the three of you fall quiet.

"God, what do I do?" you murmured, burying your face in your hands.

Tommy glanced at Maria and she subtly nodded towards the kitchen. He stood and cleared his throat before reaching his arms out towards his daughter.

"C'mere, let's get you somethin' to eat before naptime," he said, lifting Violet and taking her into the kitchen to give you both some privacy.

"What's going on?" Maria asked softly as she sat down in Tommy's place on the couch. You sighed and dropped your hands to your lap.

"I don't know," you said truthfully, "I'm so fucking angry at him, but..."

Maria pursed her lips knowingly. "But you still care."

You groaned and leaned back into the chair. "Yes."

"It's not like you're telling me or anyone else something we didn't already know," she said, "not after what happened with you and Angie in the middle of the street. I mean, look at you," she pointed to your bruised neck. "No one fights like that for someone they don't love."

"I don't love him," you said sternly, eyes flashing angrily in her direction. "You sound like Ellie."

"Okay, so if two people are telling you-"

"I don't want to talk about it right now," you abruptly stood up, brushing your palms on your jeans. "Sorry to barge in like this. I'm sure he'll be fine. I'm actually looking forward to a week of quiet," you tried to say confidently despite how tight your throat felt as you headed towards the door.

Maria called your name as she trailed after you, urging you to stay and talk, but you just pressed your lips together and shook your head.

"Seriously, I'm fine," you said, forcing a smile across your face. "I have some stuff to do so I'll see you guys at dinner or something."

Before she or Tommy could say anything else, you slipped out the door and rushed down the street, back towards home.

It wasn't until later that afternoon, after you had scrubbed clean the kitchen and bathrooms, doing anything and everything you could to stay busy, that you noticed the missing picture from the wall in the living room.

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[personal-venting-blog]

Oh great it's the one year anniversary of the incident that my family forgot but I sure as hell did not. Fucking fantastic.

[ladycaramelswirl]

A Dream Like You

Female reader x Aaron Hotchner

A/N: I did something… hormonal 💀 may delete later

summary: you and Aaron share a bed on a case. oh, also you’re both in love with each other and totally oblivious. And sexually frustrated 🫠

cw: Idk how ratings work but I’m pretty sure this is explicit. (sm*t?) No mention of Y/N! Also quite a bit of swearing, which is unusual for me.

A/N (main): this is my first time writing anything remotely sexual. It’s short! I was writing something completely different but it ended up as… idk what this is. Also I’m sorry for any typos. Enjoy 💀

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You wake up to the most perfect warmth enveloping you. And the delightful smell of soap and a citrus scented laundry detergent. You sleepily bury your nose into the smell. Except the source of the smell is Aaron, who immediately startles awake at your movement, only to go completely still when he realises you’re the reason for the wonderful warmth pressed against him. He tries to move away but you pull him closer, pushing your breasts against his chest and your leg between his thighs, dangerously close to his now extremely hard cock.

You move against him in your sleep, rocking against his sensitive underside, causing him to moan. This was bad. So bad. He really needed you to wake up. 

“Hey”, he whispers.

“Mmm”, you mumble into your bedmates neck. “It’s so nice here. Don’t want to get up”. 

God you were killing him. He tries to move away, not wanting to disturb your much needed sleep, but you just hold onto him tighter. Were arms supposed to feel this good?

“Please wake up”, he pleads. You needed sleep, but if you kept rubbing against him, he was going come, and then things would be very very uncomfortable. He tries to shake you awake but you rock your hips against him again. 

“Fuck”, he hisses, pleasure rushing through him. Your sleepy mind finds immense satisfaction at his voice and starts moving against him harder. 

“Oh God”, he chokes. 

“You feel so good baby”, you whisper in his ear. You throb with desire. “I need you”, you whine, the friction from your movement sending you into a state of bliss. God you’ve never had a sex dream this good.

Aaron feels his heart race with your movement but it’s your words that cause him to get harder. How was he supposed to forget how you called him baby? He tries to shake you off. 

“You need to wake up. I-“, his words are cut off by an uncontrollable gasp of pleasure that escapes him. 

You feel desperate for the feeling of him inside you. “Fuck me. Please fuck me”, you beg. It takes all of Aaron’s willpower to push you off of him and he jams a pillow between you. He immediately gets on his feet, needing to get away from you. You let out a disappointed whimper and that’s all he can take before he rushes into the bathroom. He turns the water on in the shower before stepping under it, trying to get the cold water to cool him off. But nothing is helping. He wraps his fingers around his hard shaft, slowly moving it up and down. He grits his teeth together, the memory of your words making it almost impossible to not vocalise his pleasure, but you were still asleep and if you woke up, he’d have to explain why he was so flushed. So he tries his best to be quiet. Your voice plays in his head - “you feel so good baby”. He strokes himself faster. “I need you”. His knees buckle in pleasure. “Fuck me. Please”. His mind goes blank as he experiences an euphoric climax and his legs shake as his gratification covers the bathroom tile. Fuck. He’s never got himself off that fast. Shit. He just fucked himself thinking about you. He immediately feels a surge of guilt. He is your boss. He is not supposed to feel this way about you. And you had thought you were sleeping. He has no excuse for his behaviour. He towels himself off and checks his watch for the time. 4am. It’s too early to get up but he cannot get back into bed with you there so he gets dressed. He leaves a note explaining that he’s gone to the precinct to work on the case and that you should join later with everyone else, then quietly slips out of the room.

The sound of the door closing stirs you from your sleep. You reach for your nightstand to check your watch, but find nothing. The panic of being in a strange room makes you sit up and you remember that you’re in a hotel room on a case. You reach to the right for your watch again only to realise you’re not on the side of the bed you slept on. And that you’re alone but you hadn’t been when going to bed. You notice the note on his nightstand. Of course he was already up at 4am. Unless you had kicked him out of bed by rolling onto his side? Oh God, you hope not. And why did you feel so… sensitive? You notice the pillow between your thighs. You recall your dream, and his sounds of pleasure, groaning in frustration and burying your face in the pillow. Only you’re overwhelmed by the smell of Hotch. It’s enough to have you throbbing again. You’d just had a sex dream of your boss. While in bed within him. Why couldn’t you be attracted to anyone else? It was so embarrassing. And completely inappropriate. You had to pull yourself together. But you felt a desperate ache between your thighs. And the smell of him was overwhelmingly good. Before you can really think about what’s happening you bring one hand to your breast, palming yourself through your shirt and slip your other hand into your sleep shorts, rubbing your sensitive nub. Were dreams supposed to be that vivid? The memory of his body against yours has you imagining your fingers are his. You slip one finger inside, then two. His would be so much thicker, so filling. You throb against your digits at the thought. You can almost hear his moans. You fuck yourself harder. God it feels so good. 

“Yes Aaron”, you pant, and you’re not sure if you’re thankful that he’s not here. You pinch your nipples as you swipe at your sensitive bundle of nerves and suddenly remember the sound of him whimpering. It’s enough to make you see white. Your orgasm rips through you and you’re soaked in sweat by the time you come down from your high. You stare at the ceiling, contemplating when you’ve ever had an orgasm that good. Never.

You were so fucked.

———

A/N P.S. : I hope you liked it! should I post the writing that inspired this? It’s pretty much the opposite of this - far away from smut land and very much the capital of pining city. It’s much more my usual style. Anyway let me know what you think :)

Masterlist

[drreidssahotch]

☽ 𝐇𝐔𝐑𝐑𝐈𝐂𝐀𝐍𝐄 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐓 | 𝘌𝘮𝘪𝘭𝘺 𝘗𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘴𝘴

summary: in which the tension between you and emily finally causes you both to crack on a case in New Orleans, and it was worth the wait.

pairing: Emily Prentiss x BAU!Female Reader

warnings: SMUT!!,

word count: 1.9k

note: this is my first ever attempt at smut…

The air was thick with humidity and the subtle chill of the air conditioning in your hotel room, but the tension between you and Emily Prentiss was palpable—like the atmosphere before a storm. You’d been with the BAU for three years, long enough to see people come and go. Elle had been your go-to for casual flirting, a fun way to unwind after a tough case. But with her gone, the dynamic shifted.

Emily had only joined the team a few weeks ago, but she brought a quiet intensity with her, one that simmered just below the surface. You noticed it during cases, especially this one in New Orleans. The team had been called down after a hurricane tore through the city, and while the case was brutal, it was the moments after hours, catching up with drinks at the bar or unwinding at the hotel, where the real storm brewed. There was something unspoken between the two of you—a line neither of you had crossed. Yet.

The buddy system in place meant you were paired up for the night, sharing a double bed at the hotel, thanks to overcrowding. It wasn’t uncommon for you to room with one of the girls—you hated getting hot during the night, so you preferred sharing a room with someone who wouldn’t mind your minimal sleep attire. But this time, it felt different.

After settling in, you headed toward the bathroom, your mind elsewhere—probably on the case, or so you tried to tell yourself. As you pushed the door open, you were immediately greeted by a wave of steam. You frowned, confused at first, before your eyes landed on Emily. Wrapped in a towel, her damp hair clinging to her neck, she stared back at you wide-eyed as if caught off guard.

“Oh—shit, sorry!” you yelped, heart skipping a beat. She nearly dropped the towel in surprise, but thankfully, her quick reflexes saved the situation.

“No, it’s fine,” she said, her voice casual, but you noticed the slightest hint of a smirk tugging at the corner of her mouth. “Should’ve locked the door.”

You backed out quickly, your pulse racing as you closed the door behind you. Jesus, you thought, trying to calm the pounding in your chest. The image of her, fresh out of the shower, skin still glistening with moisture, was now seared into your mind. You forced yourself to take a deep breath, reminding yourself that she was your coworker.

“Sorry about that,” you apologized again as you grabbed your pajamas, trying to play it cool.

“No big deal,” she shrugged, but you could feel her eyes on you as you headed back into the bathroom, this time to get ready for bed yourself.

When you emerged, you were hyper-aware of her gaze as you walked over to your side of the bed. Dressed in your typical sleep attire—tiny shorts and a thin camisole—you could practically feel her eyes trailing up and down your body. The room was quiet except for the hum of the air conditioner, which you had insisted on turning up. You hated being too hot at night, and the cool air washed over you, hardening your nipples under your shirt, which Emily undoubtedly noticed.

You sat on the edge of the bed, propping one leg up as you lazily applied lotion to your legs, your mind drifting back to her. Emily was undeniably hot—more than just a little crush-worthy. But she was also your coworker, someone you saw every day. Still, you couldn’t shake the thought of how her towel had nearly slipped. How close you had been to seeing more.

“So,” Emily’s voice broke the silence, a little deeper than usual, “You always wear that to bed?”

You glanced at her, catching the playful tone behind her words. “What, this?” you smirked, gesturing to your shorts and tank. “I don’t like getting overheated at night. You’ve seen worse, trust me.”

Her eyes darkened ever so slightly as she leaned back on the bed, her gaze lingering on you a little too long before she reached for the lamp beside her. She flicked it off, and the room dimmed, leaving only the faint moonlight streaming in through the curtains.

You followed suit, turning off your lamp, then lying down beside her. The bed wasn’t big—it was just a standard double—and you were very aware of how close you were to her. Your arm rested under your head as you stared at the ceiling, the tension thick in the air, and for a moment, you swore you could hear her breathing faster.

You turned your head slightly, glancing at her in the faint light. She was staring at you, her mouth slightly parted as though she wanted to say something but was holding back. You could see the slight rise and fall of her chest, and your mind kept flashing back to that split second when her towel had almost dropped.

“Emily…” you whispered, unsure of what to say, unsure of what was about to happen.

But then her hand moved—slowly, tentatively—up your thigh. Your breath hitched as you felt the heat between your legs intensify. The moment her fingers brushed against your bare skin, you shuddered, and all your restraint shattered.

You surged forward, capturing her lips in a sloppy, needy kiss. It was frantic, desperate, all the tension that had been building between you two spilling over in an instant. Emily’s hands roamed your body, leaving a trail of fire in their wake. When she pinched your nipple softly, you let out a soft moan, rolling over onto her, straddling her thigh. She licked her lips as she felt your arousal pressing against her.

“You’re so wet,” she whispered, her voice husky as her hands slid under your camisole, pulling it off in one swift motion.

You quickly worked on removing her top as well, your lips leaving a fiery trail down her jawline and between the valley of her breasts. Your mouth latched onto one nipple while your fingers teased the other, switching between them as her hands tangled in your hair, pulling you closer.

With a low moan, Emily flipped you over, pinning you beneath her. Her eyes were dark with lust, and you knew she wasn’t done with you yet.

“You’ve been teasing me for weeks,” she growled softly, her lips ghosting over yours, “Now, I’m going to make you pay for it.”

And with that, the storm between you two finally broke.

Emily’s lips left a blazing trail of kisses down your chest, her tongue flicking teasingly at each of your nipples as you squirmed beneath her. The ache between your legs was becoming unbearable, and you felt your pulse quicken as she moved lower, her eyes locked on yours from beneath her dark lashes.

When her breath hit the sensitive skin of your lower abdomen, you whimpered, your hips rising involuntarily to meet her. But with a firm hand, she pushed you back down, a smirk playing at her lips.

“Patience,” she tutted softly, her voice dripping with control. She released your wrists from her grip, and her fingers curled around the waistband of your shorts, tugging them down slowly, as though savoring the moment.

Her eyes darkened when she saw you—your waxed, glistening pussy on full display for her. The need radiating from your body was obvious, and she spread your legs wider, her hot breath ghosting over your inner thighs as she placed gentle kisses on the sensitive skin there. Each touch of her lips sent a shiver down your spine, your hands fisting the sheets as you bit back a whimper.

But when she didn’t move closer, your desperation spilled over.

“Please, Emily,” you gasped, your voice hoarse with need. “I need you. I need your mouth on me. Don’t make me wait any longer.”

She paused for just a moment, her smirk widening as her eyes flickered up to meet yours. “That’s better,” she murmured before finally giving in.

Her tongue swiped through your slick folds, a slow, deliberate motion that had your whole body arching off the bed. A satisfied hum escaped her lips as she tasted you, her eyes still locked on yours, watching your every reaction.

Your hands flew to her hair, tangling in the dark strands as she found a rhythm, her tongue flicking against your clit with a steady precision that had you teetering on the edge of an orgasm within minutes.

“Fuck—Emily, don’t stop, please don’t stop,” you gasped, your voice breathless as the pressure built inside you, your hips bucking against her face.

Just as you were about to tip over the edge, she pulled away. A frustrated whine escaped your lips as your orgasm slipped away, leaving you desperate and aching.

“Emily, please,” you pleaded, your voice trembling.

She didn’t respond with words, but instead crawled back up your body, capturing your lips in a bruising kiss. Your legs wrapped around her waist, pulling her closer, and you moaned into her mouth as you tasted yourself on her tongue.

When her body pressed fully against yours, skin on skin, the sensation made you dizzy with need. But this time, it was your turn. With a swift movement, you flipped her onto her back, kissing your way down her body with equal intensity.

You stopped at her thighs, your hands gripping them firmly as you spread her legs. Emily’s pussy was soft and flushed, with a small tuft of dark hair, and the sight made your mouth water. You leaned in, pressing a kiss to her inner thigh, relishing the way her breath hitched in anticipation.

“God, Y/N,” she breathed, her voice low and desperate. “Please... please... I need you to make me come.”

Her pleas sent a thrill through you, and without another word, you lowered your mouth to her. Your tongue flicked out, tasting her for the first time, and the soft moan she let out in response made you smile against her.

You licked a slow, deliberate path up her folds, then flicked your tongue against her clit, and her body jerked in response. Her hands flew to her breasts, squeezing them as she let out a series of breathless moans.

“Yes—fuck, just like that,” she panted, her head rolling back onto the pillow, her eyes squeezed shut in pleasure. “Don’t stop, don’t fucking stop.”

You were more than happy to oblige, your tongue working her steadily as her moans grew louder and more desperate. You sucked lightly on her clit, alternating between gentle flicks and firm strokes, and soon enough, her whole body was trembling beneath you.

“Y/N—oh my God, I’m gonna come—” she gasped, her voice breaking with the intensity of her need.

With a final, skilled flick of your tongue, you sent her over the edge. Emily’s entire body tensed, her back arching off the bed as she cried out your name, her hands fisting the sheets as she came hard against your mouth.

You didn’t stop until she was fully spent, her body trembling and her breaths coming in short, ragged gasps. Only then did you pull away, a satisfied grin on your face as you wiped your mouth.

Before you could move, Emily grabbed you, pulling you up to her and crashing her lips against yours. The taste of her arousal on your tongue made her moan softly, her hands cupping your face as she kissed you with a renewed hunger.

But you were still aching for release, and she knew it. Without breaking the kiss, she slid her hand between your bodies, her fingers dipping between your folds, slick with arousal.

“Now it’s your turn,” she whispered against your lips, her fingers teasing your entrance.

You shuddered, bucking your hips against her hand, desperate for the release she was about to give you.

don’t forget to like, reblog, comment, or anything really <3

[frenchkisstheabyss]

✦ love poem ✦

✦ Pairing: dad!choi san x pregnant!chubby!fem!reader w/ appearances by ot8

✦ Genre: fluff/light angst

✦ Summary: Being pregnant during the holidays has been hectic. Especially for your fiance San whose tight work schedule has him under pressure. But when his best friend Hwa steps in to ease the burden on him by being there for you, it creates more jealousy than Christmas cheer.

✦ Word Count: 3.5k-ish

✦ Warnings: pregnant reader, occasionally strong language, some quick lusting after San while he's in the shower (nothing graphic), & that's all.

✦ A/N: I really wanted to write something sweet with like the tiniest bit of angst so there's nothing heavy here. It's mostly just lovey dovey shit cause, I mean, I'm a lover girl. What can I say?

Standing at the entrance of the tunnel of lights, you watch in awe as thousands of tiny bulbs twinkle to the tune of the Christmas music that coasts along the night air. Every year the local zoo holds a massive festival of lights to celebrate the holiday season. During your first year here San had plans to take you to opening night but, with his schedule being as unpredictable as it is, that never did happen. This year though, he promised that nothing would stop you from experiencing this together and he meant it.

As much as San and the rest of the boys hyped this place up to you, nothing could’ve prepared you for how breathtaking it is in person. It’s magical. The carnival rides, the little Christmas themed games, the stalls selling some of the best food you ever tasted. And the displays. They’re pure art. It may be too cold for the animals to be out but the elaborate light sculptures of them make up for it tenfold. Children race through the light tunnels while couples cuddle up in line for hot cocoa. If ever “Winter Wonderland” were a place this would have to be it.

“Stop running!” Hongjoong yells from behind you. Seconds later Mingi and Jongho dart past you in a blur. You turn in time to see the look of defeat on Hongjoong’s face as he approaches with the others close behind. “I swear sometimes they act like children,” he groans, “Take it from me. Don’t have kids. It’s not worth it.” Popping on a pair of knit gloves, Yunho gestures towards the pregnant belly rounding out your thick winter coat. “I think that advice is about 7 months too late.”

Hongjoong gasps in horror, “Oh. I mean, you know, except that one. I’m sure it’ll be a cute little thing.” You can only giggle at how flustered any mention of your pregnancy gets him. Hongjoong hasn’t quite grasped that San’s about to be someone’s dad. Even as your belly has grown, he’s managed to periodically forget what’s happening but he’s trying to be supportive and it’s sweet. Seonghwa pats you softly on the belly, laying his head on your shoulder, “Pay him no mind. She’ll be a cute little baby. Not a thing. I mean, look at her mom”

"Oh, Hwa, you’re too sweet” you blush, patting him on the cheek. “The baby! I think it kicked!” He’s right. You felt it. It’s about that time of night after all. The moment she could start kicking she did. Especially around bedtime. Suddenly they’re all gathered close around you staring at your stomach as if the baby will burst out at this very moment like some alien spawn. Woo kneels down in front of you, resting his hand behind Hwa’s. “Aah!” he squeals, “She’s saying hi to her uncles. Hi, baby!”

By now Mingi and Jongho have circled back, stopping dead in their tracks to see what all the fuss is about. “What’s going on?” Jongho asks, Mingi’s hat clenched in his hand. Mingi snatches his hat back, peering over Jongho’s shoulder, “It’s not happening is it?” Seeing the panic in his eyes, you immediately jump to calm him down, “Not yet. She’s kicking up a fuss. That’s all.” “So much like her dad already” Yeosang teases, just as San appears to push them aside. “Hands off!” he orders, shooing them away, “I go to the bathroom for two seconds and you’re already crowding my kid.”

The others just laugh, not expecting to witness such a perfect example of Yeosang’s statement so soon. “You okay? Everything okay?” he asks, fixing the scarf around your next and popping your hood over your head. “Baby, it’s not that cold.” “Temperature’s supposed to drop 5 degrees in the next half hour. Gotta stay toasty, honey.” San’s always been attentive, doing everything he could to make sure you were taken care of but the pregnancy has kicked it into overdrive.

Taking his hands, you give him a warm peck on the lips and flash a smile that soothes his worries. “I’m okay, Sannie. I promise. Now let’s go.” The tunnel’s far more mesmerizing from the inside than it is simply looking in. It feels like a portal to a different world, replacing the darkness of the night sky with constellations of red and green that guide you to the next section of the zoo. Each area has one unique to the space you’re about to step into.

A tunnel of mistletoe and vines for the flower garden. One built like a giant sleigh for the reindeer village. And that’s not even half of it. How anyone can make it through this place in one night is beyond you. Then again, not everyone is toting another human around in their belly. By the time you make it through the ice tunnel into the replica North Pole, your feet are killing you but you try to hold it together.

Between doctor’s appointments, work, redecorating the apartment, and a million other things that need to be done before the baby arrives, there’s been zero time to do anything fun. Calling it quits this early feels wrong. Especially since San's been so stressed lately. Spending time with the guys seems to be just the thing he needed to shake some of that off.

“How many more lights do we have to see before we’ve seen enough?” Mingi whines, dragging his feet. Alright, so maybe someone else is as over it as you are. Yunho slaps Mingi on the back, taking a deep breath, “Have some holiday cheer! We’re in such a beautiful place. Where else would you rather be?” “Somewhere warm! With food!” Woo adds, backing Mingi up. Jongho jumps it, never one to miss the opportunity, “And drinks! When’s the last time we all had drinks together?”

Hongjoong crosses his arms, throwing them some wicked side eye, until he realizes, “Actually it has been a while since we went out for drinks.” Woo wraps his arms around Yeosang, determined to rope him into this plan, “You in? Say yes. Say yes!” “Yeah, sure fine, whatever” Yeosang laughs, shrugging him off. Hwa clears his throat, preparing to be the bearer of bad news, “Well it’s not just us you guys. There’s kinda a 10th person here now.”

For a fleeting moment, you were able to detect some excitement on San’s face and Hwa’s words wipe it away in an instant. Everyone falls silent, not quite sure what to do with the awkwardness of the moment. “Hey,” you say, lovingly rubbing San’s chest, “Why don’t you go get those drinks?” “What? No. I’m not leaving you. We said we’d do this.” “We did and I’ve had the best time but, honestly, my feet hurt like shit.” “Then I’ll take you home and run some water so you can soak your feet” San insists, guiding you out of the way of an approaching crowd.

“San, please, for the love of god, go” you beg, looking to his friends for support. “I’ll take her home!” Hwa volunteers, “I’m not really up for drinking anyway.” San glares skeptically back and forth between the two of you. He wants to protest but he gets the sense that arguing with you is a losing battle and he’s right. “Fine” he relents, “But text me when you get home. Love you.” The way you light up when he finally gives in is one of the infinite reasons why he loves you the way that he does. “I will. Love you too.” “Love you three!” “Love you four!” you say, kissing him before Jongho begins to drag him in the other direction. “We’re not doing this all night! Let’s go!”

Parting ways is a sea of goodbyes and bickering that continues until you lose sight of the rest of the group. Hooking his arm into yours, Hwa directs you towards a festive snack stand not too far away. “Wanna eat like trash before we go home?” he offers with a mischievous grin, knowing San would murder him if he knew. You nod, playfully tearing up, “I thought you’d never ask.” 

“Baby, have you seen my keys?” you shout from the bedroom, digging through your purse for the third time. “Huh?” San calls back, the water rushing from the shower making it impossible to hear you. Shuffling down the hall, you pop your head into the bathroom. “I was asking if you’d seen my keys.” San peeks from behind the shower curtain, shampoo bubbles dripping down his sculpted cheekbones. In an instant, you forget all about your keys. What else could possibly matter when San’s standing here dripping wet, every muscle in his defined chest glistening like gold. Snap out of it. This is how you got pregnant in the first place. 

“I saw them by the stove I think.” “Thanks, ya cutie” you wink, ready to skip off to find them. “Wait,” he says before you can make it more than a step and a half away, “You’re all dressed up. Where are you going?” Scanning your outfit, you don’t see anything particularly “dressed up” about what you’re wearing. Some knit overalls with a cozy sweater underneath and your favorite boots are far from red carpet ready in your mind. “Hwa’s taking me shopping for decorations. Don’t you remember?” San frowns, only vaguely remembering the conversation, “Why didn’t you ask me?” “I did but you said you were busy today so Hwa offered to take me.” 

Your phone dings in your pocket. You fish it out and find a text message from Hwa telling you he’s outside. “Ooh, speak of the devil. Gotta run.” Carefully, you make your way across the bathroom floor, giving him a kiss that you struggle to keep innocent with the knowledge of what’s behind the curtain. “Have fun and tell Joong I said hi! I’ll bring you back something!” you sing and you’re off to find your keys. San’s frozen in place, unable to bring himself to move an inch. Even after he’s heard the apartment door close, it takes him a second to get back to his shower.

It’s been two weeks since the light festival and you’ve seen Hwa every few days since. Every time San’s too busy to do something Hwa’s right there to help. When did he become so available? You always come home so happy too. Were you that happy with him? Letting the water wash over his head, he tries to shake away his jealous thoughts.

You moved here to be with him and, in that time, the only friends you’d made were his. Hwa’s just being a good friend to the both of you, helping when San’s unable to. Thinking that it's anything else is ridiculous. All of the long hours spent working must be getting to him. Hwa would never...

You would never...

Neither of you would...

Right? Right? 

Pregnancy hormones. They’re the one thing no one can ever quite prepare you for. One minute you’re hanging ornaments on the tree, humming along to your music in a cozy pair of pajamas. The next you’re crying on the kitchen floor, stuffing your mouth with the cookies you baked for the holiday party tomorrow.

It’s nearly midnight and everything makes you emotional. The lights on the tree are too bright, your feet feel swollen, the cookies aren’t as sweet as you'd like, and suddenly you can’t stand the song that’s playing despite it being one of your favorites. You want everything off but then the house would be quiet and empty. You’d be reminded that you’re all alone until San comes home tomorrow and cry even harder.

You pull out your phone to call him but when you see the time you decide not to. His flight is in a few hours and he’s already told you what a long day he had. You’d hate to wake him up, to burden him any more than you feel you already have.  Just as you’re about to put your phone down it lights up. A text from Seonghwa. Some adorable video of a cat dressed up as one of Santa’s elves.

The poor thing looks miserable running around in that costume but it makes you laugh enough to stop you from spiraling. Taking a deep breath, you wipe away the tears blurring your vision and shoot a text back. 

You: Thanks. I really needed that.

Hwa: Why? Something wrong?

You: I’m having a crying thing. Kinda sad tonight.

Hwa: Need some company?

Without thinking, you type out the words “You don’t have to—” before erasing them and typing out something new. "Sure!"

It takes him no time at all to reach you. The streets are empty this time of night and he only lives a half hour away. Even if he lived two hours away—three hours away—he’d drive every single one of them to come support you. When you became someone special to San, you became someone special to him too. He’s never seen San more serious about anything than he's been about you and this baby. As much as he wishes that San would get out of his head a bit more, it’s cute to see him love something so much. 

“Anybody home?” Hwa whispers, his eyes narrowing when he notices that your front door is cracked. “Come in” you sob from the couch, blowing your nose for what feels like the 1000th time since you sent that last text. Hwa follows a trail of discarded tissues to find you curled up on the couch, as curled as you can be this far along in your pregnancy. “Hey, hey, don’t cry” he coos, easing himself down onto the couch and resting your head in his lap, “Talk to me. What’s going on?”

You try to speak but you’re too short of breath to get anything out. Hwa strokes your hair, taking slow breaths in and out, “Follow me, okay? In and out.” You shake your head in protest. The whole room is closing in around you. You can’t do it. “Just try it. For me. Please” he begs so sweetly that you can’t refuse. Deep breath in, long breath out. The same way that they taught you in those birthing classes you went to. “This is total bullshit” you’d whispered to San at one point during the class but it turns out it isn’t bullshit at all. 

After a few seconds, the tightness in your chest eases and the room begins to open up. The world isn’t falling apart anymore. You’re safe. Hwa sits with you in silence as your breathing quiets, dabbing away any rogue tears that drip down your cheeks. “Is San happy with me?” you ask, catching him off guard, “Is this too much for him, do you think?” Hwa laughs, knowing how extremely far from the truth both of those questions are. “Hwa, it’s not funny! I’m serious!” “I’m sorry! I’m not trying to make fun of you, it’s just—if you make him happy or not, that’s not a question. He’s crazy about you.”

Grabbing the small blanket folded over the back of the couch, he opens it up and tucks you in with it. “None of this is too much,” he swears, “You and her…” Hwa pokes your belly, making you giggle. “You guys are everything he’s ever wanted. He pushes himself so much because he wants to be perfect for you.” You yawn, Hwa’s presence and the warm blanket activating the exhaustion you’ve been fighting. “But he’s already perfect to me. Why can’t he see that?” “Mmm, it’s really hard sometimes to see ourselves the way other people do but he’ll come around. I promise.”

If there’s one similarity you’ve come to find between San and Hwa it’s how important promises are to them. If Hwa says he’ll come around then he will. They’d been friends for ages before you came into the picture. They’ve gone through more together than you can imagine. If Hwa's confident about it, then you have to believe it too. You drift off to sleep, your brain still spinning but much quieter now, trusting that everything will be just fine.

Right? Right? 

“Listen to yourself. You sound crazy!” Hwa snaps, trying his hardest not to raise his voice in the midst of his anger. San tosses his bags to the floor and they hit with a thud that shakes you from your sleep. “I come home to you cuddled up on the couch with her and I’m crazy?” “She texted me last night that she was crying. What was I supposed to do?” “Tell me! And let me take care of her! She’s not yours so stop treating her like she is!”

San’s jaw clenches, the jealousy he’s been harboring turning into true pain for the first time. He thought he had this under control. Those hours of talking with Woo about how stupid his suspicions were had chased off his insecurities. But coming in, tired and cranky from his flight, to see you so peacefully cuddled against Hwa had undone all of it. He wanted to kill him and the knowledge that he was the first one you reached for when you were hurting only adds fuel to the fire currently burning his self control to ash.

“Sannie?” you squeak, stretching out your cramped limbs, “What’s going on?” You sit up, eyes still squinted, to see what all of the fuss is about. Hwa hangs his head, unable to face you, “I think I should go. If you need me I’m here for both of you.” “Wait, no!” you say, doing your best to roll off of the couch and stop him but by the time you’re on your feet he’s gone. Turning your attention to San, you immediately sense his anger. Something happened and whatever it was has him fuming.

“Baby, what happened? You can talk to—” “Is there something going on between you two?” “What?” you laugh, placing your hands on your lower back for support. You keep laughing but the sharpness of his expression never changes. He’s actually waiting for an answer. “Oh god, you’re serious. You’re actually asking me if I’m fucking Seonghwa.” “I didn’t say that.” “But that’s what you’re saying. That’s what you think of me.”

You catch yourself wanting to cry again, only this time it isn’t because of the pregnancy hormones. It’s because you waited for days to see the man you love only to be accused of something like this. San can almost see the moment your heart breaks, making him regret his doubts in an instant. “He’s been helping me because I was worried about you burning yourself out. That’s it. I wouldn’t do that to you.” Your bottom lip quivers and the tears are rushing from your eyes again. “Fuck, I’m so tired of crying” you huff, flopping back down onto the couch. 

San’s at your side quicker than he’s ever been, his arms wrapped around you like he never wants to let go. “I’m sorry! Please don’t cry. I didn’t mean it. I know you’d never do that.” “Then why were you two arguing? Why even ask me?” “Because I’m afraid” he admits, leaving you both shocked at his admission. He’s scared, terrified, so much that it keeps him up at night. “I’m afraid I’m not good enough to be what you need me to be and it was easier to be jealous than to admit that.”

You’re frustrated enough that you could slap him but your body feels so at home in his embrace that you can’t pull away. “You’re good enough for me…for us, San. You have to believe me when I say that.” “Then why do you call him when you’re crying and not me?” “Because,” you sigh, “I’m afraid too. I don’t want to lean on you too much.” “What? Lean on me too much?” he asks, almost offended, “Lean on me all you want. What do you think I work out for?”

You giggle when you feel his muscles flex against you, “San, be serious!” “I am! Lean on me, please. We’re a team. I need you to trust me to be here.” You stare at him, your eyes beautiful enough to hypnotize him even when they’re clouded with tears. “You have to trust me to be here too, you know?” San kisses your forehead, one hand gently massaging your back, “I trust you, baby.” Closing your eyes a tingly feeling washes over you. Is it love? The Christmas spirit? The tingling is chased by a contraction stronger than any period cramp you’ve ever felt.

“The baby’s coming!” you shout, gripping your stomach. San jumps back in shock as if he didn’t know you were pregnant to begin with. “Are you sure?” “You said you trust me!” “I do! I do! Hold on!” Leaning you back on the couch, San darts around the apartment collecting all of the things he’s prepared over the last few months to make you comfortable when this happens. A bag packed with clothes for you and your favorite slippers. Phone chargers, baby wipes, stuffed animals, the snacks you love. The list is endless.

“I’ll pull the car up and come back for you, okay?” he says, propping your feet up on the coffee table as he tries to put your coat on. “Just get the car. I’m okay.” “You sure?” “I’m sure and San,” you say, grabbing his arm. “Yeah?” “You’re gonna be a great dad. The best ever.” San can’t fight the smile that spreads across his face or the slight reddening of his cheeks. You believe in him, you truly do, and for the first time, he does too.

[railingsofsorrow]

summary: in which a phone call ruined your day.

... or not, because your boyfriend made sure to be there for you until you were okay again. pairing: s. reid x gn!reader

w.c: 2.1K

warnings/content: reader is reckless and puts themselves in danger (one time); angst; mentions of shutting people out; an argument happens but the fluff comes right after; case-related violence; reader is going through something but it isn't explained; mentions of past bad habits; be aware of spelling errors.

A/N: my finals aren't over but I forced myself to take a break for the night. thus, I'm posting this hurt/comfort blurb. hope you like it.

navi

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“you're mad.”

the day started good. you even got breakfast at home, which is something it almost never works out. but a case only arrived at around nine, so you had time to eat something before leaving.

spencer made toast, crispy, just the way you liked it. you sipped on your orange juice as he took his coffee, hand resting above yours in the comfortable morning silence you liked to partake in.

the day started good.

until things went south really quick.

it all begun with a phone call. not a work call, you were pretty used to those and when hotch called you up to the briefing room, everybody was already filling out paperwork in the bureau.

your mood went sour in a matter of seconds. you think you were able to desguise it from most of the team, though. except for spencer and maybe emily, because emily noticed every eyelash that was out of place, she couldn't even help it.

the news you got caused you to retract back to old habits, shutting people out and drowning in work to avoid thinking about it. you were numb, doing everything on autopilot, but you didn't let it compromise your professionalism. never. that fucking phone call wouldn't make you a bad profiler for a second. you wouldn't let it.

being numb lead you to be impulsive. and you took advantage of that. you'd jump straight into action just to avoid dealing with your problems. just to forget.

“i'm not mad.”

your boyfriend's tone was clipped, short. almost cold, but it didn't got that far yet. it took a lot to make spencer reid mad. but when it happened, and you were the reason, you were always conflicted on whether to let him cool off for himself, give him space, or beg for forgiveness right after you screwed up.

this time, you decided on the former. you don't think it worked that well.

the unsub had a gun pointing at a seven year old child. he was cornered in every way possible. police cars were still arriving at the scene, although five FBI agents aimed at the man, ready to shoot in case he so much as twitched a finger on that trigger.

anxiety ran along the bystanders as they watched it all happen in their neighborhood. you hadn't plan that, in fact, all of you had planned something else entirely. the profile was solid as well as the location and the unsub's endgame.

but people are unpredictable. no matter how hard you've studied the human brain. in certain circumstances, they would be capable of anything. including threatening children's lives.

your boss advised everyone to stay back. that they had it covered. it was only a matter of talking him down, carefully and with confidence.

but the second you heard the sob of that seven-year-old boy, you stopped focusing on the command reaching your earpiece. bulletproof vest and gun set aside, you marched forward, no ounce of hesitation. you knew what you were doing.

“spencer.” you followed him into your bedroom, a tired sigh leaving your lips as you felt your legs wobble slightly. you were exhausted. the day was hell both physically and mentally and you just wanted to take a good shower and sleep for forty eight hours. you wanted to forget it ever happened. you wanted to forget that phone call.

he didn't spared you a glance as he grabbed a pair of clothes to get into the bathroom. there was it. that coldness you hated. it was finally here. “spencer, please. can we talk?” you begged. if there was one thing that suffocated you was sleeping while upset. and your boyfriend was an elite grudge holder. you just couldn't do that tonight.

“of course.” he leaned back from the door just before entering the bathroom. an impassive expression across his featured as he turned to you. you wanted to scream at him. “you've been avoiding me all day, but you want to talk now? of course.”

okay. you deserved that.

did you though? why couldn't he make your life a little easier?

“sorry I was rude to you,” you said, holding back the petty comment wanting to slip out of your tongue. sorry I'm going through something and you're being an idiot about it. “i didn't mean to. I shouldn't have treated you that way.”

spencer's tongue poked around his cheek and you braced yourself for what was about to happen. an argument. in the middle of the night — morning, it must have been past two am.

“i don't care that you were rude the entire day.” spencer clarified as if that would make things better. “i care that you threw yourself in front of a psychopath with a gun, without a bulletproof vest and only your hands to work as a shield.”

“you had my back.” you insisted, recalling the moment the whole team started to shout at both you and the unsub. they were behind you, you had good coverage. “someone needed to talk him down.”

he didn't seem to be on the verge of snapping anymore. his shoulders were slumped. he was tired too. he was exhausted. it has been a long day and you needed to rest. you needed to sleep. you needed to forget.

it had started as a good day.

“we were doing that.” spencer mumbled, softly. he eyed your bitten cuticules, the bandage in your arm and your far away gaze. spencer wasn't stupid. he noticed things. he noticed you. he knew something was wrong from the moment you excused yourself to take a phone call in the middle of the case briefing. you came back into the room a different person. contained. robotic. strictly professional. “why couldn't you wait?”

“it was a child. he was scared.” you snapped, flinching away from him. “he didn't have time to wait.”

spencer pressed his brows together, deciding to not mention the time you did have to do what you had to do. statistics wouldn't help now. “you could have gotten shot in the chest.”

“it barely grazed my arm.”

“that's not the point!”

“and what is?” you yelled back, turning to him, fuming. “there is no point. the boy was in danger. you decided to wait. I decided to act. he's alive. I'm barely hurt. the case is over.”

spencer faltered, seeking something in you that he wasn't able to find. his gaze travelled accross yours in a desperate attempt to make you realise how stupid that single sentence was. one mistake. one wrong move. and you could have been somewhere else instead of in your shared apartment.

a bodybag.

“who called you?” you blinked at him, taken aback by the question. you expected him to blame you further. you even expected him to ignore you for the rest of the night. you would not back down. “i know something happened. someone happened. you're not... you wouldn't do that if you were thinking.”

“so because I'm impulsive one time, you're questioning my judgement?”

“when your judgement makes me almost lose you, yes. I am.” he crossed his arms, licking his lips as he studied you. profiled you. you fucking hated him right now. you wanted to rip his brains out.

“there was an entire team aiming at the guy, spencer.” you scoffed, pressing a thumb against your forehead, a headache brewing. your will to argue has vanished. you just wanted to sleep.

“you were blocking our aim.”

“can you stop?”

“no.”

you no longer had control of your emotions as your sight begins to be blurred by tears. fuck, I can't do this.

the room became silent. as if hearing your inner turmoils, spencer paused. he thought it through, any possibility that might have caused your sudden mood change. your impulsiveness. he thought he had done something, but by your reaction it wasn't that. it wasn't him.

it all shifted after that phone call.

you didn't retract when he approached. you didn't reject his touch or pushed him away. but you remained frozen, locked up in your own cage.

“do you want to talk about it?”

it had started as a good day.

you stood up, brushing your strands behind your ears and swallowing up the feeling of something permanently lodged in your throat.

you didn't turn to watch his expression faltering in disappointment. you didn't had the guts to see it.

“no.” you said. “i'm fine. I'm going to take a shower. I'm tired.” you left to your shared bedroom without a goodnight, knowing it would be pointless since you'd be sleeping alone tonight.

sleeping was a strong word. you closed your eyes, pressing your eyelids so tight that you're seeing stars. tossing and turning for around one hour in an empty bed was enough to leave you upset. the weight of the day and the argument you had with your boyfriend taking a toll on you.

maybe you hadn't been fair to spencer. it's not like he did anything to force your sudden mood change; he had absolutely nothing to do with it, actually. he wasn't responsible for that phone call, he wasn't the person at the other line whose voice you didn't want to hear ever again. he was just the one at the receiving end of your irritability.

your boyfriend, he wasn't one to pry. to force you to speak of things that made you uncomfortable. things you weren't ready to discuss yet. he was the kind of person who would ask if everything was alright and he would make sure you knew you had a shoulder to cry on and a ear to vent if necessary.

spencer was caring and respectful. he knew you needed space just as he did at some moments. so much so that he wasn't sleeping on the couch because he was mad at you — though you had been rude for that to be case — but because being around him, or anyone for that matter, would only set you off.

his curled up frame on the couch, half covered by the blanket and half uncovered to the night air. curls splattered around the pillow he stole from your bedroom when you were still in the bathroom. you wanted to bury yourself into his arms and never leave him again. you wanted his warmth all over you.

standing on the entrance of the living room, you watched his eyelids move incessantly. it was what told you he wasn't in a deep sleep.

he was pretending to be sleeping and you knew he was aware of your watchful eyes.

“i'm sorry.”

you mumbled into the uncomfortable silence, scratching your arm beneath the bandage in nervousness. shifting into your feet, you contemplated approaching him, but remained in the spot.

he peaked at you as his eyes slowly adjusted to the darkness of the room. he moved to a sitting position, outstretching a hand in your direction. an invitation.

“c'me here.”

you didn't need to be told twice.

“i'm sorry I was rude to you, I didn't mean it. you were just there and I—” he shushed your ramble with a kiss to your temple, arms squeezing you against him the way you craved in bed a few minutes ago. “i'm sorry, spencer. please don't be mad at me.” the last part you let out in a soft whisper but it only made him pull you closer as a form of comfort, to erase the pain you were feeling.

spencer cupped your cheeks so you would look at him “i'm not mad.” he promised, thumb grazing your face lovingly. “i just thought you needed space, but I promise I'm not mad, okay?”

you nodded with your lips trembling slightly. you were fairly certain that if you were to speak anything right now you'd burst into tears immediately.

you did manage to let out i don't want space, I want you. because it was all that you needed right now. always.

he kissed every teardrop that slipped out after that, bringing you closer to lay on his chest as he rested his back against the arm of the couch.

“i'm here, baby.” he whispered, fingers dancing across your arms. “always.”

you turned on his hold to be face to face with him, lifting one hand to touch the side of his face, caressing his jaw where you felt the growing stubble on his chin.

“thank you.” you said, smiling faintly when he pecked the tip of your nose.

he ended up covering the both of you with the spare blanket.

he breathed out as if pretty satisfacted with your current position, even though you both will most certainly be complaining of backache as soon as you wake up tomorrow. “i love you.” he let out, not minding about the pain in his joints in the morning. the only thing that mattered was you in his arms, safe and sound.

the day started good, until a phone call ruined it completely.

or not. because spencer was there and he kind of made things bearable. and if he could just make you feel better for a little while, that's what he would do.

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taglist: @lilyviolets

[becauseicantthinkwritings]

Nightfall (4)

Vampire! Billy Russo x Female Reader

Part 1// Part 2// Part 3

Warnings: Dubious Consent, smut (18+), mostly dirty talk, some fucked up dynamics where he lets her press a stake to his heart, oral (f receiving), edging, orgasm denial, teasing.

For @stardustmorozov, Nicky I'm sorry but you're gonna yell at me again... and I'm gonna love it.

You sit on his bed, listening to the sound of the shower going. 

Your mouth tastes like spearmint, and your hair is still a little damp after your shower despite your attempts at blow drying.

You’re in one of his shirts, having raided his drawers when the duffel bag he’d given you earlier held nothing but sheer lingerie disguised as sleepwear.

Maybe you shouldn’t stay here, so instead you stand, and begin wandering around his apartment.

His bedroom is farthest from the front door, and you step out, roaming down the hallway, and stopping when you see another door.

It’s open, and you peek in to find an office that you promise yourself to explore after.

It’s the only door in the hallway, and the end of it opens up into a large area with a high ceiling. There’s his kitchen to your left, and on the opposite end of the room from where you are, is the living room area. There are no walls here, just windows that show off the glittering lights of the New York skyline at night. You wonder how he’s able to stand the sun, knowing that vampire eyes were hypersensitive to light, and that most of them avoided the sunlight. Only the very old ones, managed to walk in the sun like humans did. 

You tuck that snippet of information away for further examination.

You turn to examine the kitchen, scanning the cupboards, surprised to find regular household foods like pasta and rice, wondering if he had bought these items for you, or for other human friends of his.

Another hallway at the other end of the kitchen catches your eye, and you walk slowly, more deep in your own head than you were paying attention to the layout of his apartment.

You find the bedroom you’d first woken up in, all walls and no windows, a place that protects from the light, with its own en suite bathroom. You decide that maybe you can sleep here tonight, away from him and his wretched mouth. 

Backtracking, you look at the door for a long moment, before moving forward to examine it.

You reach for the handle, pushing down, you realise it’s locked. You sigh, eyes falling on the latched deadbolt, reaching up to open it, before trying the door handle again.

The door opens this time.

Your stomach twists.

Damn, had it really been that easy the entire time? You study the elevator just a few paces away from the door.

You don’t even think about it, closing the door and snapping the deadbolt shut.

You turn away from the door, and you gasp in fright as you see him standing just a few steps away. 

You jerk, back hitting the door as fright slams through you.

You suck in a deep breath, pressing your hand to your chest.

He’s only got a towel wrapped around his hips, his chest and shoulders still glistening with water after his shower.

You stare at each other, a silent showdown of who’s going to speak first.

Billy tilts his head, studying you intently.

“Why didn’t you leave?”

Your brain comes up with the dumbest, most obvious answer possible.

“I’m- not wearing pants.”

The corner of his mouth twitches.

“We could go get some. Would you leave then?”

“No, cause it’s three in the morning and I’m tired.”

He takes a step toward you, a teasing smile on his pretty face. Your eyes trace the lines of his scars as he draws nearer. You relax as he approaches.

“And in the morning?” 

He’s so close now, you’re eye level with his dripping wet chest.

“Maybe. If I feel like it.” You whisper, studying the scars on his chest, and then flitting your gaze up to meet his.

He takes a deep breath, bracing one hand beside your head, and then after a moment, uses his other hand to trap you in place.

Except that you don’t feel trapped, all you feel is heated want.

“What if I don’t want you to leave?” He asks, his voice stirs something inside of you, a dangerous feeling, something disastrous in the making.

“You can’t stop me.” You murmur, as his fingers touch the bottom of your chin, gently tilting your head higher.

He smiles then, all fangs and pearly whites on display.

“If only that were true.” He hums, leaning in till his lips brush yours.

You push against his biceps hard, and he moves back just enough so that you’re able to slip away from him.

“Why don’t you go kiss someone else. I’m going to bed.” You grit out, walking in the direction of the spare bedroom.

You don’t get very far, before he’s gripping your wrist tightly to keep you in place. You turn to face him, a look of calm irritation plastered on your face.

“That’s what this is about? The kiss?”

“It’s about nothing. Let me go.” You pull on your arm.

He doesn’t budge.

“You’re jealous?”

“I’m not-” You grunt as you pull on your hand again, “-You’re just pissing me off.”

“You’re the one that called me ‘sick’ and now you’re jealous cause I kissed someone?”

“I’m not fucking jealous-” You gasp as he pins your body to the kitchen counter, your body freezing in shock at the angry expression on his face.

“Don’t. Lie. To. Me.” He grits out, blinking after a second and seemingly calming in the same space of time.

He takes a deep breath before speaking again.

“Don’t forget I can hear every beat of your heart. I can smell your cunt. I already know how wet you are. Don’t think you’re capable of a lie.”

You let out an angry sigh, turning your head away from him.

“Whatever.” you say as harshly as you can.

There’s a moment of silence, where he looks at you, and you make a point not to look at him.

“Alright. I’m gonna fix this.” He says decidedly.

“I could care less- what the fuck are you-” You gasp as he picks you up easily, tossing you over his shoulder.

“Billy what the fuck! Put me the fuck down now you asshole!” You grunt, his shoulder digging near painfully into your hip. 

You kick your legs, trying to escape and after a moment you realise that it doesn’t make a difference.

If you really wanted to, you could maybe straighten your body and fight your way out of his grip, but there was an inevitability to his movements. It didn’t matter how long it took, or how difficult it was, Billy was persistent, and he would get what he wanted eventually.

So when your body lands softly on his bed, all you do is look up at him angrily.

“Stay there.” He orders, untucking the towel from his hips and dropping it to the floor. You look up to the ceiling to avoid looking at his nude form. You don't want to give him the satisfaction.

When he turns away, your eyes find him once more, studying the broad expanse of his back, all the way down to his ass.

You clench, grabbing a pillow and dropping it on top of your face to hide your desire. You try your very hardest not to remember the look of him, the feel of his body on yours, his cock-

He tugs the pillow away from your face, and you sigh in annoyance up at him.

You don’t want to look down, but your eyes have almost a mind of their own.

Your eyebrows draw together in confusion when you notice that he’s wearing a fitted pair of grey boxers on his lower half.

When your eyes meet his in confusion, he grins.

He finds his way up to you, hands sliding over your legs, up your calves and to your knees.

"Did you think we were gonna fuck, baby?" He teases, with a tilt of his head.

His hands slide up more, and you're just confused when he reaches under your shirt to tug at your panties.

"We're not fucking tonight, sweetheart, I just wanna talk to you."

Then why the fuck was he taking your panties off?

When he gets the garment off, you watch him close his eyes for a brief second, tilt his head up and take a deep breath.

He was-

"God. You smell good."

His eyes are red when they reconnect with yours.

You don't say anything- you find that you can't. You want him and he knows it.

He grips your thighs, pressing them upward so that your cunt is exposed to him fully.

Your heart is pounding in your chest, you're sure he can hear it. Open and vulnerable as you watch him look at your glistening cunt.

"Pretty. Did you know that?" 

You gulp, eyes glued to his form, admiring the look of his arms and the swell of his biceps.

"I want to taste you every day, all the time. You have no idea how hard it is to stop myself from dropping you on the first surface I can find and burying my face in your cunt."

He watches you clench around nothing, the corner of his mouth curling up into a smile.

He releases your legs, letting them drop a little and he looms in above you, pressing your body tightly to his.

Chest to chest, your bare centre pressed right up to the hardness of his clothed cock, there's no space to breathe where he doesn't exist.

He angles his head so that his lips are pressed to your ear.

"I want to lick that pretty little cunt till you pass out, and then wake you up so I can do it all over again." He whispers in your ear, your body tense and on edge from just his words.

"I want to fuck you till you beg me to stop, and even then, I'll still be giving you just one more."

You think you might be ruining the sheets below you with how aroused you were.

"Then do it." You challenge, hoping for some reprieve to the ache inside of you.

His hand moves up slowly, fingers tracing your cheek before covering your mouth firmly.

You make a muffled sound of protest, raising your hands to try and push him away. You hear a quiet laugh, before one of your hands is pinned above your head.

It doesn’t matter, whether you have one hand free or two- you would not be able to get out from under him on your own.

“My poor sweet little huntress,” He hums, your ear vibrating with his low words, “If you want me to fuck you till you cry, you’re going to have to ask nicely. Actually no- you’re going to have to beg.”

Your groan of annoyance is muffled behind his palm. There was no way you were going to beg him for anything.

You feel him smile against your neck, and then you still as you feel his teeth. 

He drags his sharp teeth gently over your neck, avoiding the spot where he bit you earlier.

“You’re so helpless under me, isn’t that nice? I can do anything I want to you, and you’d have no power to stop me.” 

To prove his point, you feel his tongue swipe over your shoulder, and then purposefully over your bite, sending brief little shivers down your spine, and then he trails his tongue up the column of your neck, and then even further, licking over your cheek as well.

Your body feels like a livewire, vibrating with sheer desire each time he touches you.

You want to grunt out so many things. That he was filthy, that he was just downright fucked up in the head.

That you wanted him to keep going.

“You like that, don’t you? You always have.” He lets out a slow sigh, “You always get so wet when you can’t fight back.”

Fuck you, you wanted to say. 

“What if we made this interesting?” He hums, raising his upper body off yours for a second to reach into his bedside drawer. 

You’re no longer fully trapped under him, and if you wanted to get out, you could. Instead, you wait curiously to see what he was going to do.

He pulls a stake out of his top drawer.

“You- just have that in there? I could have killed you this whole time?”

“Of course.” He teases pushing the drawer shut, “Now’s your chance.”

Before you can ask what he means, he’s sliding the silver stake into your hand.

What the fuck?

“Now, you can stop me if you really want.” Billy says ominously.

“That’s the most fucked up-” Before you can finish, he’s slapping his hand back over your mouth.

“Don’t care about what you have to say, baby, I’m gonna do what I want to you, and you can stop me if you feel like.”

And then, he starts tugging your shirt up, exposing your stomach.

In retrospect, you don’t have to kill him to make him stop, you could just mortally wound him. One well placed stab near the heart would be enough of a deterrent. You could slip free and be out the door in minutes.

Billy pulls your shirt up higher, exposing your breasts to the open air. Your hand tightens on the stake.

You should do it. You really should.

He groans when his tongue slides wetly over your left nipple. You shudder blissfully.

Your eyes roll back in your head, before fluttering shut. A breath of air leaves your mouth in a rush, fingers hold taut on the warming piece of silver in your hand.

One quick swipe of his tongue on your left breast, then your right. He raises his head.

“Do you want more?” Billy asks.

With your eyes still closed, you shake your head.

“Then stop me.” He says, before his lips wrap around your pebbled nipple. 

His short beard scratches along your sensitive breast, he kisses his way up to the spot below your collarbone, white hot sparks splintering over your body everywhere he touches.

You still when you feel his teeth graze your skin.

“Still want me to stop?” He checks in.

No you don’t.

“Yes.”

His teeth press into your skin.

A sharp cry spills out of you, tingles as he breaks skin, followed by a jolt of pain and then heat.

You jerk when he extracts his fangs.

Billy moans when he gets his first mouthful.

You pant, unable to understand how having him drink from you could hurt, and yet feel so blissfully good.

He takes another, and then another.

Was he going to kill you like this? Should you stop him now?

He rolls his hips, rock hard erection just bumping your clit and you gasp.

Fuck, why did every part of him have to feel so good? You could feel your arousal, slippery and messy between your thighs, begging you to give into him, if only for a moment so that he could ease your ache.

Instead, you move your hand, pressing the stake to his shoulder.

From his spot, drinking from your chest, you feel him make a sound of amusement.

You groan, disdain for him building in you, you press the weapon deeper till it breaks his skin.

He pauses, raising his head from your chest, lapping slowly at the trickling droplets of your blood before drawing back.

“Silly girl, didn’t anyone teach you how to kill a vampire?” He asks, grabbing your wrist in an iron grip, and though you try to fight his guidance, he’s too strong, pulling your hand until the stake is pressed to the centre of his chest.

“My heart is right here.” He murmurs softly, and with his hand on yours, he pulls the weapon closer, breaking skin once more.

“Stop.” You say, panic building inside of you, tugging at your hand in hopes that it can slip out from under his. You didn’t want this, you didn’t want to kill him.

You pull hard at your hand, gasping gratefully when you manage to pull away. 

You look at him, sharp breaths trying to calm yourself when you get your hand away. 

He gives you a soft smile, pulling the stake away from his chest and dropping it on the bed.

You gulp, watching the wound he’d caused heal before your eyes.

“You are,” You breathe, “Absolutely fucking crazy.”

“Maybe,” He agrees with a hum, “But at least you can admit to yourself now, that you want this too.” He leans forward, pressing his lips to yours chastely, “That maybe you actually like me.”

“Not wanting you to die is not the same as-”

“-Oh give me a fucking break.” He grunts, pulling back.

He grips your knees, and before you can figure out what he’s doing- he flips you onto your stomach.

You let out a little grunt, pushing yourself up, but suddenly pressed back down by the weight of his body covering yours.

“You’ve cum on my cock way too many times to be lying to yourself like this.” He hisses.

You turn your head, so that you can see his face in your peripherals.

"You're such an arrogant fuck." You grunt out, your rucked up shirt causing your nipples to press against the bed, the exposure of your body makes you almost quiver with delight.

He leans in, his breath against your ear as you feel his hands gripping your hips.

"Why can't you just admit to yourself that you might want me, hmm?" He hisses lowly in your ear, his breath brushing against your skin, tormenting you.

"That deep down," He continues, pressing his hand between your hips and the bed, "Somewhere in that pretty head and wet cunt," You feel his hand sliding lower, fingers touching the top of your mound, "You want me with you," He kisses your cheek, "Over you, under you, inside you." You feel him take a deep breath, his nose pressed to your neck.

"I want to lick your cunt so often that I can taste you when you're not there. Is that too much to ask for?"

Your head spins, too drunk on him to formulate words.

He makes it even harder, by slipping his hand lower, fingers meeting your wet slit.

He doesn't hesitate, fingers gliding easily down, meeting your clit and you let out a low, shuddering moan as your ache is addressed in the slightest way possible.

You tilt your hips forward, into his hand.

"Billy." You sigh, widening your legs instinctively, anything to encourage him to keep going.

“God, you’re so fucking wet.”

You mewl, nodding your head.

His finger slips gently over your clit, and your breathing pauses, you don't want to do anything that would make him stop giving you this pleasure.

He gives a firm press, and you feel your body shudder, a wave of pure bliss sinking over you.

You say his name again, shifting your body, trying to display your impatience to him.

"Ah ah ah, little girl. Where are your manners? I told you I wanted you to beg."

"Fuck you." You groan angrily.

His finger slips lower, massaging your entrance for a few moments before slipping his finger in.

You gasp, your body going lax at the feel of the pleasure building in you. It’s good. It’s so good and it’s so wrong that he makes you feel like this.

"So fucking tight." He hisses, "That cunt's begging for a stretch."

Focusing on his words are hard with the way his lone finger moves, pumping in and out of you easily, your body desperate for him.

Something goes off in your head, like a gun when he curls his finger, and touches that spot deep inside of you. It pulls a groan from the very depths of your soul. You pant, trying to keep your thinking focused with the way he’s trying to steal it.

"That's it. You like this huh? Like the way I take what I want?" He leans in till his lips are at your ear, "I like it too." You clench around his finger.

"You're a sick fuck." You groan, half your mouth muffled from where your face is pressed to the bed.

"Yeah? Am I? Do you hate me?" He pulls back, and before you can make any sound of protest, two of his fingers are sliding into you.

Fuck, you can feel your body stretching for him. He uses his other hand to grip your jaw, tilting your head up almost painfully so that your face isn’t muffled in the sheets anymore.

"Tell me you hate me." Billy whispers in your ear.

You cry, his fingers beginning to move slowly, spreading you open and forcing you to feel him, to ache for more of him.

His fingers slow when you don’t immediately answer, and you groan internally, assembling the words in your head.

“I- I,” You stutter out, tears dripping from your eyes uncontrollably and pooling around his grip on your jaw, “I h-hate you.”

“Yeah? Poor little girl. Should I stop then? Leave you alone?” He coos, voice condescending in every way possible.

“Nh-” You immediately vocalise, begging him in your head to not stop, but the words can’t seem to come out of your mouth.

He laughs in your ear, understanding what you were about to say without you having to say it. 

The pace of his fingers quicken, you hiss, arching your back, feeling your orgasm swiftly approaching. You’ve wanted him since this morning, since he pulled you onto his lap and told you that you were his.

Your body trembles, eyes rolling back in your head, on the brink of release-

-And then his fingers stop.

A cry of despair leaves your lips, and the denial in your body aches, and then hurts even more when he pulls his fingers away, withdrawing his hand from under you. His grip on your jaw loosens, until your face is pressed against the sheets once more.

You raise your head groggily, turning your body onto your side when you feel him lift himself off of you. You catch sight of him sliding his fingers, wet with your denial into his mouth.

You bite down on your bottom lip hard, on the brink of begging for him, pleading with him to make you cum, and then take you in any way he saw fit.

But that’s exactly what he wanted.

So instead, you stay still, trying not to speak, feeling the fire of denial burn through you.

You tug your shirt down, looking at him with angry eyes as he observes you.

“Are you done having your fun?” You ask bitterly.

The corner of his lip twitches.

"You know what to say if you want to cum, baby. Don't act like this isn't your choice."

You feel petulance build up inside of you, anger beyond thought.

"Go fuck yourself." You hiss, moving to slide off the bed.

He grips your hips, hauling you back, until you're on your back, looking angrily up at him.

"What's the rush, sweetness? Don't you want me to clean you up?" 

“Clean me?” You repeat in disbelief, sitting up, propping the weight of your torso onto your elbows. Your brain stalling on what that could possibly mean.

His smile is devious, the look of a man that has everything he wants and then some.

He takes his time, shouldering his body in between your thighs, his face so close to your dripping centre that you’re not sure if you have any brain cells left functional

“God.” He murmurs, his breath brushing along your mound as he takes in an unnecessary breath, his eyes immediately locking on to the messy place between your thighs, “You make me feel like the most insane person on the planet.” 

“You are the most insane person on the planet.”

He grins, lowering his head slowly, anticipation building inside of you, a simmering heat, a thrumming pulse.

“Love it when you talk dirty to me.” Is the last thing he murmurs before his lips meet your cunt.

You close your eyes, pressing your lips together, begging yourself to not make a sound. He places a gentle kiss to your slit, and then another, before you feel his lips part, and his tongue snake out.

You make a muffled groan behind your clenched teeth as he gets a taste of you.

What starts off gentle, turns slightly rougher as he lays a harsh swipe of his tongue along your pussy, a gasp leaving your lips as you feel Billy begin to slowly lick your cunt.

He’s thorough and unrelenting, his face buried between your thighs, licking at you without a care in the world.

You want to spit every degrading word you can at him, hating the way you know in the back of your head that only he has ever made you feel so good.

“Oh fuck you.” You gasp as his tongue finds your clit easily, a laugh vibrating through your nether regions as he hears you.

You give up trying to resist, reaching to grip the back of his head, hoping to urge him on.

It has the opposite effect, he raises his head, and you whine, a low, pained noise at his torment.

"I'm not clean enough yet," You argue, looking down to meet his scarlet eyes.

You look at each other for a long moment, the heat of unsaid words crackling between you.

You want to beg, you're almost on the brink of it.

"I agree." Is all he says before he lowers his head again.

"Fuck-" You gasp, your back hitting the bed as your arm refuses to support your weight for any longer. 

His tongue is too dexterous, licking at your clit, and then dipping down to your entrance. He groans, tongue catching your arousal straight from the source.

Your toes curl, blissful orgasm near, your body tingles with the anticipation of your impending release.

You moan his name, putting every ounce of desperate desire into the one word.

He pulls away right when you're on edge.

The sound that leaves you is pitiful, tears of frustration spill from your eyes as you look up at him.

"I'll give you anything if you let me come."

"You know what I want." He says, licking his lips.

"Besides that," You try to bargain, "I'll blow you again, or I'll let you bite me." 

His smile is one of amusement, it makes you feel like a child, begging for something you're not going to get.

"I think we've already established that if I wanted those things, you wouldn't stop me. Even if you could."

You frown, letting out a sharp breath, fully understanding that he would not take pity on you tonight.

"Fine, asshole, I'll do it myself." You grunt, slipping from under him and sitting up with the intention of a shower.

He grips your bicep harshly to stop you. You grit your teeth angrily, unable to look into his eyes.

"If I catch you touching that little cunt- my cunt- without permission. I'll teach what real punishment would be like."

He pulls you closer, till his lips are pressed right to your ear again, your stomach flipping at his proximity.

"I'll tie you to the bed, and edge you till you forget your name. I'll use you like my own personal fleshlight and I'll never let you cum."

You hiss angrily, nether regions throbbing at his words and you tug your arm out of his grip.

"Fuck. You." Is your only reply as you head to the bathroom for the coldest shower possible.

.

After all of that, you sleep in bed beside him.

Because you know him now a little, and you know there's no way he was letting you have your own bed.

You'd gone to sleep on opposite sides of the bed, but you'd woken up in his arms.

"Thought vampires didn't need sleep?" You ask, voice unsteady, having just woken up.

"We don't." He answers, looking down at you. 

Your eyes trace his scars, you want to touch them, ask him what happened.

"So why did you lie beside me all night?"

"Because I wanted to." He answers.

Your stomach flips, and you have to look away as you feel blood rush to your face.

"Will you tell me more about this…imprint?" You ask softly.

He makes a little sound of displeasure.

"It's not exactly an imprint- It’s like-" He lets out a low sigh.

"It sounds worse than it actually is, but- ugh- do you know what quantum entanglement is?"

"Do I look like a physicist?" You answer.

He rolls his eyes, a small smile on his face at your snark.

"As simple as I can explain, when two particles are entangled, they remain connected, regardless of distance."

"What entangles them?" You ask.

"Physical interaction, but, with people, it's a lot harder to explain because there's a lot that isn't understood. It can happen with anyone, but not everyone, and at a subconscious level, it has to be accepted by both."

"You're saying I chose this?"

"Some part of you did, yeah, some part of me too, and then, no matter how far I got from you, I could still feel you."

"Feel me?" You press, hoping for him to elaborate.

He raises a hand, his knuckles carefully brush your cheek.

"Like you were always standing in the room with me. Like I wasn't alone."

You blink, trying to figure out if you'd felt the same way. You had so many questions flying through your head and difficulty putting them into words.

“Is there any way to break it?”

You can almost feel the air go frigid between you.

“As far as I understand, nothing breaks the bond except dying.”

Great.

“And what happens if we stay together?”

“I’ve heard different things from different people.” He responds.

“Like what?” You ask, trying to think it through. You remember Ethan had mentioned that there was the prolonging of lives involved.

He closes his eyes, shakes his head.

"I don't want to tell you what I'm not sure about. I have a friend, bonded to a human, maybe you can ask them whenever."

You swallow, nodding, trying not to fret over the possibility of more vampires.

Deep in thought, you blink in surprise when you feel his thumb brush over your cheek again. You look up at him in surprise.

"I have another question, but it's very personal."

"What is it?" 

You stall for a moment, studying the look in his eyes, the dark reflectiveness of them, the way you can almost see yourself in his eyes.

"Exactly how old are you?"

It changes the sour mood, the corner of his mouth curling in amusement before he gives you a fanged grin.

"That is a personal question, and maybe I'm not comfortable with answering." He says, tapping the tip of your nose with a slender finger.

You huff.

"Why not?"

"Because I don't want to freak you out, and telling you my age is gonna freak you out."

Maybe he was right, maybe it was better that you didn't know.

You sigh, rolling onto your back to stare up at the ceiling. He gets closer to you, fingers tracing over your cheek and down your neck, only stopping when they reach the healing bite on your shoulder.

Experimentally, he presses his thumb against the wound. You turn your head sharply to look at him, feeling the pain swim through your body but not reacting to it.

“Ow.” You say simply.

“How bad does it hurt?” He asks quietly.

You smack his hand away, sitting up, your back to him.

“Why does it suddenly matter?” You jab, moving to dangle your feet off the side of the bed.

There’s a big silence, he doesn’t answer, and after a moment you’re forced to glance back to make sure he’s still there and hasn’t dissolved into the air because of you.

He’s looking at you, as if he somehow understands something about you that you don’t know about yourself.

“How many times have you been bitten?”

The question brings a laugh to your lips.

“Enough times that I'm used to it.”

“Does it hurt any less each time?”

You turn away, an amused and thoughtful smile rises to your face.

“Every time I get bitten, always hurts like the first time.” You say in finality, leaving the room soon after.

.

Whatever bond he was describing- you didn’t feel it. There was nothing there but a deep seated need to explore him. It was more curiosity than desire.

At least, that’s what you told yourself to feel better.

You’d showered, looking at your reflection in the fogged mirror, trying to think clearly with so much frustration in your system. In the moment, you close your eyes, and recall the first time you’d ever fucked him.

It had been frantic at first, the way he’d used his tongue on you had your body begging for more, and you honestly thought you were going to die after you’d tried to kill him.

You’d put everything into it- savouring him because you wanted to seal yourself into his memory- if he was going to kill you by the end of it.

You’d gone pliant when he'd lined himself up with your entrance, and you can still remember the way your brain spiralled in surprise at the ridiculous amount of pleasure. No one had ever made you feel like that before.

Over and over again, you’d fucked till you could barely hold yourself up, till you’d been sitting on his lap, his hands gripping your hips to do all the work because you couldn’t even lift your head from the crook of his neck.

He’d been quiet, not like the second time, or even last night, when he was so vocal, the only thing you could compare it to was sin itself.

Your lower regions pulse. You can feel the heat between your thighs, begging for him, and the pleasure he gives regardless of how annoying he was.

It’s why you grab the dress at the bottom of the duffel bag to wear, deciding that you didn’t have to beg to get what you wanted. 

It was actually a really cute dress, blue, with little printed flowers all over it. Most importantly, it was short, only coming up to mid-thigh, which meant that if you bent over, he’d see the smallest scrap of lace you’d decided to call underwear today.

If he could play games, so would you.

.

He’s making breakfast when you step into the kitchen. It kind of amuses you, that he’s only cooking for you.

“Can I help?” You ask, stepping up beside him at the stove to look down at the omelette he’d been working at.

He glances at you, looks down at the stove, before blinking to look over at you once more.

You watch his jaw stiffen, you resist the urge to bite your lip as you watch his eyes trace down your body.

Oh, what power.

“Butter.” He says, “Fridge.”

You offer him a teasing smile, before turning away.

You bend unnecessarily, feeling your skirt rise up, cool air brushing the back of your thighs. 

The butter is on the middle shelf, making your bending completely unnecessary in the first place.

He's not looking at you when you turn around. You're not even sure if he's seen your little display.

He takes the butter from you without a word, and you're very intrigued by the way he cooks, the move of his wrist to flip the omelette.

"Can you get the bread toasted for me?"

How was he doing this? Being so calm and casual with you? Seeing this side of him was so much worse for your sanity than anything else. 

"You have bread?" You ask curiously, looking around, but not able to spot any.

"Yeah, here-" He steps away from the stove to reach into one of the overhead cupboards. You glance down at the pan on the stove, to make sure nothing is burning. The deep indentations on the handle of the pan barely catches your eye, and you blink in surprise.

There were deep impressions of his fingers… caused by squeezing too hard.

Maybe he was more affected with your display than he let on.

You fight a satisfied smile, giving him a knowing look when he returns to place the bag of sliced bread into your hands.

"You bought all of this for me?" You tease, "I'm flattered."

He looks hot when he rolls his eyes.

“It’s not like I had much of a choice. I can’t let you starve.”

“Because you like me?” You pry, swaying your shoulders playfully from side to side.

He huffs, using the spatula to flip the finished omelette onto a nearby plate.

Billy doesn’t respond, simply shaking his head without looking at you.

It only urges you on, like a match, sparking as it rubs against coarse paper.

You brace your hands against his kitchen counter, stiffening your arms as you use your toes to push you into an effortless bounce, using the momentum to raise your body, sitting yourself on his counter, facing him.

He doesn’t look, simply preparing the pan for toast.

“Ah,” You tease, parting your thighs subtly, “So you don’t like me then.”

Yet still, he doesn’t respond, calmly observing the bread as it toasts, the smell of it in the air makes your mouth water a little.

But it’s not what you’re hungry for.

“Maybe you only think you like me because of how sweet my blood tastes. Maybe it’s all in your head-”

Your voice goes quiet when he finally pins you with a stern glare. 

His movements are decisive, turning the stove off, moving the pan away from the residual heat, and then turning to you.

Goddamn.

You gasp, raising a leg to back away from him while also making an attempt to push him back with your foot, but there’s nowhere for you to go, your head bumps a cupboard door, and that’s all the distraction he needs to grab your ankle.

You let out a little squeak, gasping as he pulls you forward and right up against his body, encouraging your legs to wrap around him.

You open your mouth to speak, to protest, to fight him in an unmeaningful way, but you don’t get the chance as his hand grips the back of your neck, forcing your mouth onto his.

God fucking damn.

Your eyes shut, your body relaxes, and then sings with delight as he delves his tongue past your lips.

You moan into his mouth, unable to fight it, leaning in because it feels so good to have him. 

Fuck every part of you that told you this was wrong. You wanted him and nothing would stop you.

You grip his shirt in a tight fist, leaning in, meeting his mouth with an undeniable force. He presses back, and for a moment you feel so blissfully wanted, maybe more than you’d ever been before.

Only when his hand weaves into your hair, his fist tightening to hold your head in place as he leans away, do you remember the taunting remarks that got you here.

Your scalp stings, mouth falling open to gasp in air.

His eyes are dark red, like the blood he drinks to stay alive.

He doesn’t speak, releasing your hair to support your behind as he lifts you off the counter, moving quickly with your body pressed to his.

Your vision shifts too fast for comprehension, and the next thing you can process is lying face down across the marble kitchen island.

He grips the back of your head to keep you there, warm cheek to frigid marble and you stay, refusing to move, wishing that he takes in this moment, everything that you’re willing to give.

He leans over your body, until his mouth is pressed to your ear.

“Do you ever shut up?” Billy hisses, and you have to fight a satisfied smile.

He’s not done ranting, continuing on as if he doesn’t care for your answers.

“I know you just said that to get a rise out of me, but the very idea of me only wanting your for your blood- makes me fucking sick.”

He leans in even more, taking a deep breath in the space of your neck.

“I want all of you, every single piece of you, over and over again until you’re fucking mine.”

He leans away a little.

“Is that what you wanted to hear? Hmm? When you put on this little dress and flashed that cunt at me?”

He moves away even more, and the next thing you feel is him pushing your dress up, his hand pressed securely to the small of your back so that you can’t raise your body.

He's still for a moment, and so are you, burning with anticipation, your cunt getting wetter by the second.

You gasp in surprise when you feel his nose graze the back of your thigh.

You shudder, feeling his breath along your most sensitive areas, your skin tingles as he runs his nose upward, your hands curl into fists beside your head when you feel a small puff of air against your skin.

He’s still for so long that you find your body tense with anticipation, biting down on your bottom lip hard so that you don’t beg him to just put you out of your sordid misery. 

You make a small mewling sound of surprise when you feel his tongue lick along the lace gusset of your panties. 

He tugs at the scrap of fabric, pulling it away from the tacky seam of your cunt so that he can get a better look, an uninhibited view of your desire.

You want to say his name, so badly that you can feel the resonant sound of it in the back of your throat. Instead, you repeat it in your head.

Billy, Billy, Billy, Billy…

“I can’t believe how fucking messy this cunt gets. All for me.” He says softly, as if you’re not meant to hear but you do anyway.

“Such a fucking shame that you won’t beg. The things I want to do to you, the ways I want to make you cum.”

You squeeze your eyes shut, panting hard against the kitchen counter, your inner walls fluttering, begging. 

“Fucking tease.” He breathes out, as he watches more arousal spill from between your thighs.

Billy, please-

Your gasp gets caught in your throat as his tongue licks a wet trail from your clit to your entrance.

“Fuck- didn’t mean to do that but I can’t help it.” Is all he says before his tongue starts licking you slowly.

Your eyes roll back into your head and stays there permanently for a few seconds. The flood of bliss is almost too much for your body to manage.

He grunts, his hands gripping your thighs to spread your legs further apart.

His tongue is forceful as it dances over your clit, and then, after what you assume is a moment of contemplation, you feel his tongue push its way against your entrance.

Your breathing is sharp and shallow, you reach to grip the other edge of the counter, trying to get some leverage to remain sane.

The pleasure is shallow, but your body is hypersensitive with denial, his tongue fucking into you at a reasonable pace is almost enough to have your breath stalling in your throat.

When he finally gets control of himself, his tongue slows, carefully licking you, daring your body to think about orgasm.

After a few more moments, he raises his head, and you breathe a sigh of relief, your body releasing the tension of pleasure, your hands relaxing its grip on the marble countertop.

But you should have known better than to think he was done with you, not satisfied until you know for sure that you’ve lost this interaction.

His hands on your hips, gripping them as he turns you over, pulling you up into a sitting position.

Nose to nose, you look into his eyes with a half-lidded gaze.

“Your blood is nice,” He whispers, hand raising to cup your cheek, “But it’s you I want, huntress. Don’t forget that.”

You sigh, pressing your cheek into his palm and closing your eyes.

“Say it for me. What do I want?” He asks.

You breathe out a huff, an unknown emotion squeezing your throat tightly.

“Me.” You whisper softly, eyes still shut to avoid his gaze.

He doesn’t mind, thumb caressing your cheek.

“Good girl.”

And then he’s gone- right back to toasting bread, as if nothing had ever happened.

It almost drives you insane.

.

.

.

Happy Halloween!

[tomblythismyhusband]

please, please, please, keep writing for haunted! THE ANGST MAKES ME GO INSANE OH MY GOD CHAPTER 2 JUST BROKE MY HEART, poor reader :( i'm loving this series so much, you're so talented!

haunted [coriolanus snow x fem!reader] pt. 3

[summary]: coriolanus snow x fem!reader | You spend your days depressed as ever, when Tigris comes to talk to you about Coriolanus. Is your relationship with him even worth fixing at this point?

[warnings]: 18+, language, depression, slight eating disorder references [please take care of yourselves lovelies]

[wc]: 1.4k

[note]: I didn’t expect for this series to get so hopelessly sad but chapter 4 is currently in the works! lmk how you guys like this series so far!! requests/asks are always open <3

**series masterlist**

It had been days. Six to be exact, since you stormed out of Coriolanus’ apartment. You didn’t want to see him knowing that when he looked at you he felt absolutely nothing.

Nothing.

That’s all you felt. Nothing, only a deep, suffocating numbness. You had occupied your days rotting away in your bed trying to forget him. The clothes on your body were old, your hair in desperate need for a wash, and your stomach twisting in hunger you didn’t care to soothe.

You didn’t want to do anything except lay there for hours. What even was the point anymore? Coriolanus didn’t even seem to feel bad for hurting you.

You wrapped your body in your comforter as you let out a breath. It was hard to even describe the hopelessness you felt. All the love and affection you had given Coriolanus, no matter what, clearly meant nothing to him.

You were nothing to him. He never loved you. .

The moment he had returned from District 12 after being discharged from his peacekeeping duties, you were by his side. You supported him, comforted him, and most important of all, loved him.

Love. Maybe that was the problem. Were you really so naive to think of your relationship as love this whole time?

You felt a headache bloom in the front of your forehead causing you to cringe. Sighing, you pulled your sore body out of bed to trudge to the bathroom. Your feet felt heavy as you walked, making you feel weaker than ever.

Opening the medicine cabinet, you popped some painkillers to get rid of the throbbing headache and the achy muscles.

Your eyes drifted to your reflection. What you saw in the mirror wasn’t you. Your heart pounded and you gazed at the stranger, as a shell of who you used to be stared blankly back.

You felt the burning sensation of tears start to prick your eyes. ‘How could I let a man that never even loved me control me like this?’ You thought, biting your bottom lip as your brows furrowed.

Your mind filled with dangerous thoughts. You were never enough. You were nothing. You did everything wrong.

Feeling the sudden need to fix the sorry state you were in, you pulled off your clothes and stepped into the shower. The cold water ran down your back as you tilted your head letting the water soak your scalp. You felt a little better, your self depreciating mindset changing slowly. The feeling of intense cold encasing your body made you feel alive.

When you had finally finished your shower - which lasted almost an hour - you slid into some comfy clothes and tried to smile at yourself in the mirror. The girl staring back still didn’t look like you. She was thinner, exhausted and visibly depressed.

You began to sigh before hearing pounding on your apartment door. You jumped, the loud noise startling you. A tiny part of you hoped it was Coriolanus coming back to make things right.

You walked briskly to the door, peeking through the peephole to see Tigris.

You immediately opened the door, questions spinning around in your mind. You had of course known Tigris with how close you had been with Coriolanus but never enough to the point where you would consider her a friend. Conversation was rare, but you always were in awe of how kindhearted she was.

“Tigris- come in.“ You said breathlessly, as you motioned her to come inside.

She gave you a curt nod before entering your apartment with one swift motion.

“Thank you.” She said quietly. You all of a sudden felt very embarrassed that you stood there in a ratty old crewneck and sweatpants while Tigris was clothed in the finest silk pink dress.

Pushing away your feelings you took a breath and finally spoke. “What can I do for you?”

Tigris brushed her hair out of her eyes and glanced around. You silently prayed she wasn’t judging the disastrous state of your apartment as well.

“I’m here to talk to you about Coriolanus.” She said softly, meeting your gaze. Your heart dropped instantly as his name left her lips.

Nervously, you hugged your arms around your body. “If he wants to talk to me he can do it himself.”

Tigris’ face was stricken with worry as she moved closer to you.

“That’s the problem y/n.” She said urgently. “He’s not talking. He’s not doing anything.”

You looked at her in disbelief. The Coriolanus you knew wouldn’t never neglect the things he had to do.

“W-what do you mean?” You asked, lowering your voice.

Tigris placed her fingers on her temple. “He’s been crying, angry, and doesn't know what to do with himself. It’s starting to get out of hand- I mean, he skipped classes this week too.”

Your jaw tightened as you heard this. Was he really that upset about everything that happened? You felt a slight bit of annoyance bubble up inside.

“If he misses me so much now he should’ve made an effort for me to stay.” You said coldly.

Tigris shook her head. “I don’t doubt that Corio didn’t handle your guys’ situation in the best way but he’s just had so much on his mind I mean…. leaving District 12 and Lucy Gray and-“

Your ears perked up. Lucy Gray? His tribute? What does she have to do with anything?

“What do you mean Lucy Gray? Why does she matter?” You questioned.

Tigris’ face paled and she bit her bottom lip. “He never- told you?” She asked hesitantly.

Your pulse quickened, your breath shortening. What had he not told you? Tigris just stared at you silently, eyes searching your face.

“Never told me what? Tigris-? What happened with Lucy Gray.” You said, a new fierceness entering your tone as you took a step closer.

Tigris let out a sigh and started to play with the rings on her fingers nervously. “You know how Coriolanus was her mentor this year right...” You nodded, listening intently. “Well when he was sent to serve he went to District 12, her district.”

You nodded again. You knew that she was also from 12 but didn’t think anything of it.

“While he was there, he met up with her again. They had a fling of some sort- I’m not exactly sure what happened. He won’t tell me - But he came home heartbroken, I guess she did something.”

You curled your hands into fists. How could he have forgotten to mention he was in love with someone else? It’s pretty obvious it was love judging by the way he had been acting.

“How could he not tell me this?” You asked desperately. You felt your mind connecting all the dots. There was a lot he wasn’t telling you apparently. Was that why he couldn’t love you? Was he really hung up on a scuffed up District 12 runt?

You felt stupid. Of course it was another girl. What other reason would it be? Was she the one that’s been ‘haunting’ him?

Tigris looked at you with pleading eyes. “He won’t tell me exactly what happened but he’s hurting y/n…”

You couldn’t help but let out a scoff. “He’s hurting? Right now I feel like our whole relationship was a lie.”

You felt Tigris reach out to grip your arm. “He loves you. He does.” She pleaded, meeting your troubled gaze.

You yanked your arm away immediately, making Tigris furrow her eyebrows.

“I’m not getting that impression.” The words came out bitter and full of hurt you couldn’t hide anymore. You felt like your body was being weighed down with this new information.

Tigris sucked in a breath. “Y/n you need to try to talk to him.”

You felt like you were going crazy. Coriolanus was the one being shitty and you had to go talk to him?

“He can come talk to me if he misses me so desperately.” You said sarcastically, crossing your arms. “I’m done being hurt by him. I’m sorry.”

Tigris hesitated for a moment then spoke. “He won’t tell me what’s going on in his head. He might tell you.”

You let out a scoff. “Please- he wouldn’t.”

Tigris shook her head, taking her perfectly glossed bottom lip in her teeth. “You don’t have to fix your relationship but maybe you can convince him to get his act together.”

You furrowed your brows and stared at her. “I’m not his fucking parent. He should know how to figure himself out.”

Defeated, Tigris’ shoulders sank. “I’m sorry for bothering you. I’ll leave.”

You still felt tense as you gave her a nod. “I think that would be best.”

She turned towards the door, opening it before looking over her shoulder back at you.

“I didn’t want to come here, but Coriolanus wouldn’t stop begging me to. He’s been crying your name for hours.”

With that she left, shutting the front door behind her, leaving you speechless. You couldn’t picture Coriolanus the way Tigris described. Was he really that upset? But if he was, why hasn’t he come to see you?

You ran your hands through your hair, letting out a groan of frustration. You had so many questions. Questions about Lucy Gray, his feelings for you, why he couldn’t have just acted differently.

Fed up, you quickly ran to go pull on your shoes and grab your purse.

You were giving in.

You were going to go confront Coriolanus.

**part four**

[jiggy-manda]

restriction

jennifer jareau x fem!reader

jj and her girlfriend have to meet her mother, the woman obsessed with numbers and weights and calories

tw: disordered eating

wc: 4.3k

JJ has never had a healthy relationship with food.

Growing up as an athlete, she was always expected to be in tip-top shape, and it didn’t help that her mother was naturally a size two– “Naturally,” as her mom put it.

But JJ knew better.

Maybe her mother wasn’t aware of her own eating patterns, but JJ definitely was. She’d grown up with it. The first time she’d ever had a regular soda was at ten, and her mother nearly had a heart attack when she saw the red can. Roslyn had to be the one to tell her that talking about calories and sugar content to a ten year old wasn’t going to do anything but weaken her relationship with food.

But Roslyn isn’t here anymore.

————

JJ has never been skinny enough.

Even as a varsity soccer player, her mother still found ways to dote on her appearance. Whether she noticed that JJ only ate on the days she had soccer games or not, she didn’t let on. Whether she noticed the shower running after dinner every night or not, she didn’t let on. Even at ten, when JJ was still playing on the smaller field, her mother found ways to correct her. Your stomach is showing through your shirt. Your calves are too fat for those socks. Keep this up and they’re gonna put you on goal.

Roslyn was the only one that understood. She took JJ to get ice cream after her games, even if she lost. She bought ice cream for JJ, and then took it home every single time after JJ started refusing it.

But Roslyn isn’t here anymore.

After Roslyn died, everything spiraled out of control.

Except for JJ’s diet.

Once Roslyn died, JJ started obsessively counting her calories. Her sister was gone, and she was left only with her parents. Her dad was absent most of the time, leaving her in the care of her mother.

Her mother stopped commenting on JJ’s weight and what she consumed.

Instead, these comments were then replaced with compliments.

“Jennifer, darling, your collarbones are absolutely stunning.”

“Jennifer, you’ve been looking amazing lately. I’m not sure what you’re doing, but whatever it is, it’s working.”

“Jennifer… Ros would be so proud of the woman you grew into.”

It made her sick.

Anytime anyone mentioned Ros— her Ros— she felt sick. They didn’t know her. Not like JJ, anyway. They didn’t cry with her at three in the morning; they weren’t there when she had panic attacks in the bathroom. Nobody was there for Roslyn when she was alive, and nobody was there for her when she just couldn’t take it anymore. Nobody but JJ.

Nobody else knew about Roslyn’s girlfriend. Nobody but JJ.

JJ’s mother was never there for Roslyn when she was alive, but she was there at the funeral, playing the grieving mother who was oh so sad and had done absolutely everything she possibly could to save her.

Bullshit.

JJ knew the truth. Her mother had just as much of a part in Roslyn’s suicide as everyone else, if not more. JJ found her mother’s grief almost laughable. She might as well have just done the job herself, with the way she treated Roslyn.

Over the years, JJ only kept in contact with Roslyn’s old girlfriend, Emily.

Roslyn had died when JJ was eleven. Now, almost 23, JJ is almost just as broken as she was more than a decade ago.

Almost.

————

JJ sat down on her bed as she quickly tapped her thumb and middle finger together, an anxious habit she’d picked up from Ros. Today was the anniversary of Ros’s death, and while she’d much rather spend it with her girlfriend, she knew her parents would never allow it.

A movement causing the weight of the bed to shift caught her attention, and she turned as you sat down next to her.

“You doing okay?”

JJ gave you a pointed look.

“Valid.”

You heard her sigh, and you took her hand into yours, tracing the patterns in her palm. “You’re so beautiful,” you whispered.

JJ smiled and covered your hand with hers, a silent sign of appreciation.

“When do we leave?” You asked her.

“Um,” JJ looked down at her phone for a moment. “We have about half an hour.”

“Okay,” you said with a smile. “And, um…” You trailed off, not quite sure how to segue the conversation into what you wanted to discuss.

“She’s not coming, is she?”

Your heart dropped when you saw the disappointment and sadness on her face. “No.”

JJ let out a deep breath and looked up to the ceiling, trying to control her breathing. “Okay. That’s okay,” she said, convincing no one.

You frowned. “JJ… you’re allowed to feel upset.” You put a hand on her shoulder. “Emily is the only current connection you have to her right now, besides your family. And… Emily is the only one who really knew you guys. Both of you. It makes sense that you’re upset, just… try not to blame her too much. It’s… a lot. This time of year. Mom and Dad worry about her, and I do too.”

Blue eyes met yours as JJ lifted her head up to pay more attention.

“She...” You hesitated, not wanting to approach unwarranted territory.

JJ heard the shift in your voice.

It wasn’t just any shift. It was a shift she knew perfectly– the shift of tone where she immediately knew that someone was about to bring up food in front of her.

“Y/N, it’s okay. Just say it,” she said with a sad smile.

“She doesn’t eat,” you said guiltily. “This time of year. Especially today. And I think… I think she’s scared that if she sees you today, she might spiral. And it’s not about you, or your eating habits,” you quickly corrected. “It’s about the situation as a whole, and I just don’t think she can mentally handle it. Not yet.”

You squeezed JJ’s hand, and she returned the gesture, giving you a smile.

“I get it. It’s just… I wish we saw each other more often. I know she’s busy, and I know I’m busy, but I just wish I didn’t have to invite her to the memorial of her dead girlfriend to get her attention.” JJ flinched at the bluntness in her own voice, still sensitive to her sister’s death.

You squeezed her hand again. “I know.” You swept some hair off her shoulder, leaning in to give her a quick kiss on the cheek. “Now,” you started, leaning back and situating yourself comfortably. “Your mother…”

JJ groaned and covered her face with her palms, falling backwards on the bed. “I hate her,” she mumbled.

Adjusting yourself to lean back, you crawled to cuddle into her side and gave a soft kiss to her neck. “I know.” Another kiss. “But we need to figure out a way for you to interact with her that’s not triggering to you.”

JJ looked at you as if you’d just suggested she swim across the pacific.

“Listen, your mom is an asshole who bullied you to the point of an eating disorder. She’s a piece of shit, but she’s your piece of shit, and until we can completely cut her off, we just have to do what we can. Bare minimum. We won’t even stay that long, okay? Two hours, tops.”

JJ gazed up at you, her sad doe eyes breaking your heart. “Promise?”

“Promise.”

She grinned as she sat up to hug you, grateful for the support. “Thank you,” she whispered.

“I love you,” you responded.

Her grip tightened.

————

JJ’s house was big. Not nearly as big as you and Emily’s, but big nonetheless. You’d only ever been there a few times– JJ wasn’t big on bringing people home, and since you both lived together, she didn’t really feel the need to bring you around often.

JJ’s parents didn’t know about you guys, but they didn’t not know. JJ never sat down and told them that she had a girlfriend; she sort of just started bringing you around everywhere and people made assumptions accordingly.

You held onto JJ’s hand as you walked through the hallway, passing the fireplace and living room. Her mother was standing near her father, likely having a silent argument solely through stares. Once JJ’s mother caught sight of the two of you, she immediately made her way over.

“Jennifer! You look amazing, dear.” She rested her hands onto JJ’s shoulder, allowing herself to take a longer look.

JJ’s skin prickled; she could feel the judgment coming off of her mother in heatwaves. She felt as her mother’s eyes traced over every line and curve in her body, and she felt sick at the thought of ever even having curves.

“You know, Jennifer, this dress is actually really beautiful. It hugs your body in just the right way– I can finally see your beautiful hips!”

You felt JJ get stiff next to you, and you gripped her hand just a bit harder, a silent reminder that you, too, heard what she just said. “Thanks, mom.”

The words tasted like bile in her mouth.

“You know, you’ve always been so skinny. And you have such a beautiful figure! I always wondered when you’d grow into it, but it seems like you’re finally filling in! Be careful though,” she added with a smirk, leaning in to wink at her daughter. “You don’t wanna look like all those girls with the fake butts and hips.”

You looked over at JJ, giving her a what the fuck? look. You knew her mom was borderline abusive– that much was true, but it seemed as if she was trying to purposely trigger her. Your mind was racing, and you couldn’t even imagine what was going through your girlfriend’s.

The entire event was extremely uncomfortable and heartbreaking, but thankfully JJ had other family members that wanted to catch up with her. You mostly sat back and listened, trying to digest everything while also keeping an eye on JJ.

The memorial itself went smoothly up until dinner.

You were sitting next to JJ as she ate her pasta when you heard her mom speak up. “Jennifer, are you really gonna eat all that? I mean, pasta, it just– the carbs and the calories.. You’ve been doing so well with watching your food around us. Do you really wanna…” She trailed off for a moment, breaking eye contact with her daughter before frowning. She looked as if she were about to say something more, but shook her head as she decided against it.

You looked over at JJ, and it was as if you could hear the gears turning in her head. She was angry, that much was obvious. But she was also smart, and she needed to play it accordingly. It didn’t stop the whole situation from breaking your heart, though. You could hear the gears turning in her head, but you could also see the tears forming in her eyes.

The blonde sighed, giving in and looking up at her mother. She took the bait. “What, mom?”

Mrs. Jareau guiltily looked at her daughter for a short moment before speaking. “Well, you have gained a little bit of weight recently.”

“What the fuck?”

All heads turned to you, eyes bulging out of their sockets, watching your response. Your eyes widened in fear as you realized what you’d just said in front of your girlfriend’s family. You looked over at JJ, and she had the same expression in her eyes.

JJ scooted her chair out and stood up. “I’m going to the bathroom.”

You quickly scrambled to your feet to follow your girlfriend down the hallway.

“Y/N, you don’t need to come with me,” she said as she walked.

“Yeah, like hell I’m letting you go into that bathroom alone.” A hand on her elbow stopped her in her tracks. “I know what you’re thinking. I know you, and I’m not gonna let it happen.”

JJ just glared at you.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” You asked.

The older blonde let out a sigh before grabbing your hand and dragging you into the bathroom, locking the door behind her.

She stared at you, willing you to speak. You knew it was common for your girlfriend to shut down during uncomfortable situations. She had trouble speaking, even simply forming words. It was even worse when it came to her eating disorder, because her emotions almost always took over her rational thoughts, preventing her from clearly articulating her feelings. All her energy went into controlling her emotions; there was none left to form words.

You decided to break the silence with something lighter, not wanting to bring up exactly what her mother had said just yet. “JJ, I’m really sorry for what I said. I usually have such a good filter; I don’t know what happened…”

JJ smiled slightly, rubbing a hand up and down your shoulder. “I know. Neither of us were expecting her to say it so explicitly like that; it took us both by surprise.”

JJ always knew how to make you feel better. She was perfect like that.

“But, um..” You danced around on your feet, feeling a bit uncomfortable and out of place, not quite sure on how to lead into your next question. “Are you okay? Because what she said— it’s not okay.”

JJ’s smile faltered. “I’m okay.”

You tilted your head, giving her a warning look. “Really, JJ? I’ve known you for years; you could at least try to make your lies believable.”

The tall blonde frowned and looked down. “You’re right. I’m sorry.”

“Hey,” you interrupted her, willing her to meet your eyes. Her head lifted a bit, and you took your chance. “I’m not mad at you. You don’t have to apologize; you didn’t do anything wrong.”

Your eyes trailed across hers as you observed her expressions, admiring the beautiful features that adorned her face. “It’s not your fault.”

JJ’s eye twitched slightly, and your stomach clenched in pain.

“None of this was your fault. What happened to you, to…” You trailed off, not wanting to bring up her sister while she was crying over her mom. Your voice hardened as you locked eyes with her, hoping she wouldn’t look away. “It wasn’t your fault, JJ.”

JJ blinked, looking down as a tear escaped her eyes. “I know.”

Your heart clenched as you listened. That didn’t sound like JJ. Not the JJ you knew. JJ was strong-willed and opinionated; the voice you heard was small and broken.

“But it feels like it is.”

The upset in your stomach was soon replaced with anger, and all you could think about was a ten year old JJ confused as to why she could only have one piece of chocolate per week. Fury, hatred, and rage soon followed, and the feelings festered in your gut, bubbling up and fizzling out every few minutes.

You knew it was only a matter of time before your usually-perfect filter went out the window completely.

You knew it was bound to happen. You just didn’t know when.

“JJ, I need to be completely honest. If we go back out there, I don’t know how much patience I’ll have.” You looked at her cautiously, monitoring her expressions for anything that could give away what she was feeling.

She gave you a small smile and squeezed your hand. “I know. I could see it happening earlier. But Y/N/N, seriously, you’re doing an amazing job. You don’t give yourself enough credit. I know you lost your patience earlier, but that’s a rare occasion.” She squinted her eyes a bit, thinking about what to say. “And this is also a very specific situation, so really, I wouldn’t say your reaction was… unwarranted,” she added. “You’re just protective of me.” She smiled. “And that’s okay.”

You grinned back at her.

“Ready to go back?” You asked as you took her hand.

“Yup,” she sighed, moving away from the counter. “Might as well.”

————

You and JJ hadn’t missed much; it was mainly still just the same group of relatives conversing with each other. Her mother was there, as well, obnoxiously laughing at a joke that seemed way too funny to be told by her father.

The two of you walked over to the living room, taking a seat next to each other on one of the couches and making small talk with some of JJ’s aunts and uncles.

It was interesting to see JJ interact with her family; they were all really sweet, for the most part. It seemed as if her mother was the outlier of the bunch, which both angered and confused you at the same time. You knew people’s filters deteriorated over time as they grew old and cared less about how they were perceived, but it was as if JJ’s mother never had one to begin with.

You were shaken out of your thoughts by a tight grip on your wrist, immediately swiveling your head to see what had happened.

JJ’s face was sheet white as she stared at the woman in front of her; you hadn’t heard what her mother said, but judging by the expression on your girlfriend’s face, it couldn’t have been good. Not that anything her mother said was ever really great, anyways.

“JJ?” You looked at your girlfriend, willing her to reply, but she wouldn’t break her gaze; she stayed staring directly in front of her.

You picked up on her energy fairly quickly; you knew if she tried to move or change her expression she’d likely breakdown, and there was nothing she wanted less than to have her family see her cry.

You stood up quickly, taking hold of JJ’s hand as she turned her gaze towards the ground, likely trying to keep her tears in.

“Jennifer, don’t ignore me.”

Her mother’s voice was warning, as if JJ were a child giving her the silent treatment.

“I can’t do this,” JJ whispered, just loud enough for you to hear.

You squeezed her hand before speaking, turning your gaze to her mother. “We’re leaving,” you said with a tight smile.

Her mother scoffed, looking you up and down as if you were nothing– just one of her daughter’s playthings.

“I wasn’t talking to you.”

Your skin prickled with the insult, and your grip on JJ’s hand grew even tighter. She turned to her daughter once again, willing her to speak. “I asked you a question, Jennifer, and you should really look at your mother when she’s speaking to you.”

You had to fight the urge to scoff at her mother talking about herself in third person; how dramatic could someone be?

JJ’s mother changed her stance to a more relaxed position, tilting her head to the side as she examined her daughter.

“Jennifer, how much do you weigh?”

“What?” The question almost knocked you over, taking you completely off guard.

JJ stiffened next to you and stood up straight, no doubt trying to make herself look thinner in the eyes of her mother. Mrs. Jareau ignored you and continued staring at her daughter, acting as if you weren’t even there.

“What the hell is wrong with you?”

That got her attention. She whipped her head around to you, giving you another once-over before clicking her tongue. “Jennifer, wi–”

“No, seriously, what the hell is wrong with you? Are you so out of touch with reality that you can’t see how much of an asshole you’re being?”

JJ looked over at you with a warning glance, the only acknowledgement that she’d heard you during this entire conversation.

“You think that just because you have issues with food you can just force it on your daughter? She was a child. You didn’t even give her a chance,” you accused, feeling yourself get more and more worked up.

“Y/N,” JJ warned, her voice deep and gravelly, the voice she used when you were speaking out of turn or going out of line.

“Oh, please,” her mother replied. “She doesn’t have issues with food; she has issues with discipline and self control. You think she would look like that if she had ‘issues with food’? Plenty of women are able to control their cravings; I know I can.”

You shook your head in disbelief as she spoke, in utter shock of the cognitive dissonance the woman had.

“And if you’re gonna talk about issues with food, it certainly would not be my daughter. You wanna talk about choices? There are thousands of girls with food issues; my daughter is not one of them. Those girls never even had a chance, but Jennifer did. She chose to be selfish over being healthy; there’s nothing wrong with pointing it out.”

JJ’s grip on your hand wasn’t even tight anymore; it was loose, as if she had given up, as if it was taking a significant amount of energy to even hold on. You knew she was exhausted, and you knew this was only making it worse.

“Didn’t have a chance? Didn’t have a chance? What the hell would you call JJ’s experience then– a choice? You think she just chose to stop eating out of nowhere? Where the hell do you think she learned it from? It sure wasn’t her friends. Her whole life has been about you; you and your desire to have the perfect daughter. You did that.

So maybe those other girls— Maybe they didn’t have a chance. But your daughter did, and you took that away from her. So while you wallow in your own puddle of self pity, maybe you should reflect on why she started restricting in the first place.”

You took a deep breath, trying to control your thoughts and calm yourself down.

Next thing you knew, an iron hard grip on your wrist was dragging you out the door. “What the hell was that?” JJ’s voice was low and demanding.

You just stared at her as if she’d asked one of the most obvious questions in the world. “What was what? You saw the way she was acting.”

“She was acting like that the entire time, Y/N,” she warned. “I’ve told you multiple times how she is; you’ve met her before. We literally talked earlier today about what to possibly expect from her.”

“JJ, your mom–”

“Right— my mom. Not yours,” JJ interrupted, eyes narrow.

You felt a ball of anxiety in the pit of your stomach.

“I understand that you want to protect me, but this was not the time nor place. And quite frankly, it is not your place to speak on my ‘issues with food.’ You were out of line; you do not get to decide how or why I developed an eating disorder.”

Your heart dropped. She was right.

You bit your lip, looking down as tears formed in your eyes. You knew it wasn’t fair to cry, not right now, but it was becoming increasingly harder to control your emotions. You didn’t like upsetting JJ, and you knew speaking on her eating habits was out of line, especially because her mom had been doing it incessantly for years.

You coughed, trying to hide the hiccup that came with your tears. Clearing your throat, you spoke up. “You’re right. I’m sorry, JJ.”

You were still looking down, too ashamed to meet her eyes.

Next thing you knew, you were being pulled into her chest, engulfed in a hug as she held you close, swaying a bit as she tried to help you calm down. “I love you,” she whispered, keeping you attached to her. “I’m sorry for snapping.” Her voice was soft; it had returned to the usual loving tone she used with you.

You buried your face in her chest, gripping her jacket and holding her close.

“All you were doing was sticking up for me, I know. But baby, my mother is just… You can’t win with her. I know you wanted to help, but really, it wouldn’t have done anything.”

Your heart broke as she spoke those words, because you knew they were true.

“And Y/N, I really do appreciate it. I probably could’ve handled it better; I’m not used to people defending me like that, so it took me off guard.”

You were still wrapped up in her embrace, her hand on your head as she held you and continued to sway back and forth. “Also… I was absolutely terrified because I had no idea how my mom would respond. I’ve never said anything like that to her, so I couldn’t even imagine what would happen if someone she barely knew talked to her like that.”

You sniffled a bit, nodding your head as she explained herself. You pulled away, looking her in the eye for the first time since you’d left. “I really was just trying to help,” you said guiltily.

She gave you a sad smile. “I know, honey.”

You smiled back, reaching for her hand.

“I think it was a good idea we left our stuff in the car,” you said with a slight chuckle. She repeated the sound, taking your hand in hers. “There’s no way I’m going back in there.”

“Yeah, well don’t worry about that because I wouldn’t let you,” she joked, pulling on your hand as she began to walk to the car. “You and that mouth of yours.”

“Hey!” You protested, lightly hitting her on the arm. “I told you my filter could only last so long.”

She snorted, grinning as she walked around to the driver's side.

“You’re silly,” she said as you both took your seats.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever,” you replied. “You love me.”

She grinned at you as she started the ignition. “Yeah, I do.”

——

a/n: hii i hope you guys enjoyed this <3 i wrote this like a year ago but never moved it from ao3 to here.

[carolmunson]

you keep me without chains | em.

this is a re-post of a ramble fic of me processing some stuff i've been through and am struggling with in my own healing. if you're familiar with my 'bad at feelings' series, it's in a similar vein of writing except eddie is incredibly soft and sweet to reader who is going through her own stuff. eddie sucks here, i don't think it's a correct characterization of him but it's just me using him as a placeholder.

originally, i didn't want to put this story in the tags because it's sad and explores the mindset of someone in a non-physically abusive relationship. however, since it is DV awareness month, i wanted to make sure to express that if there are people reading this who are struggling that they aren't alone and there are people there that understand and support them. and also that if there are younger readers reading (still eighteen plus!) who aren't sure if they are in an abusive relationship they are maybe able to get some context via fiction. my inbox is always open. DV Hotline US: 800-799-7233 DV Hotline UK: 0808 2000 247 tw: 18+ mindors dni, references to emotional and psychological abuse, minor threats of physical violence.

he left this morning with a kiss on your cheek and your lips, a nuzzle against your temple when you gave him two thermos's, one with hot black coffee and the other with the beef stew you made last night. hot hot hot. the way he likes it.

you made bread, so crisp on the outside, pillowy soft on the inside. he groaned when he popped it in his mouth at the dinner table, soaked in broth and butter. you warmed some in the oven when you put his lunch together, wrapping it in foil to trap the heat -- maybe it'll keep until his lunch hour. he might eat it all before his lunch hour. he never eats breakfast really.

you clean the counters and do the laundry while he's away. no kids to take care of, not yet at least. you mend his spare coveralls, treating the grease and oils stains, resewing his name tag stiched in red thread. you shine your mary janes and stilettos, shine his doc's just to be nice. you fix his patches on his vest from the last show he went to. you clean the stubble out of the sink in the bathroom.

he has the car so there's nowhere to go.

you shower, you do your hair, put make up on, go through the motions while he's not home. he hates to wait for you to do it but you hate looking tired when you're out and about. better to do it when he's busy doing something else.

next door neighbor is heading to the library, knocks on your door to see if you wanna come with. she just wants you to get out of the house for once, stop playing wife to a man who hasn't married you yet.

you hesistate, wanting to be home in time to make dinner, but you can't imagine the library taking too long so you go. she looks at you with a strained pity that you can't stand. he doesn't hit you, so why does she even look at you like that? he'd never do that. he just got back from all that shit with a few screws loose. he never knows what he means when he says it.

he's always sorry. y'know? he's always sorry. sorta.

doesn't hit you but you know how the day will go by the way he says good morning. by the way he wakes up with you -- or without you. know how the night will go by the way he breathes when he comes in through the storm door. by the cadence of his steps on the metal stairs. by the way the van pulls in.

sometimes things break and that's fine cause he just replaces them. he knows he shouldn't have thrown it, he knows he shouldn't have tossed it, he knows. he knows. that's why he gets it the very next day. new plates, new house phone, new coffee pot, new records, new casettes, new picture frames, new flower pots. he doesn't throw them at you. he's only punched the wall twice. he slams his head against it all the time. cause he knows he's not good. he knows. you go to the library and check out some books, laugh at your neighbors jokes, tell her about your weekend in the city visiting his friends. he held your hand in front of everyone and pulled you onto his lap, he joked with you and you laughed the whole time. you went to see a band play that you'd never heard of and he got you a t-shirt and the next morning you all went out for hot chocolate and breakfast and he kissed the whipped cream off your lips and ran his thumb over your engagement ring over and over. he never stopped calling you baby. so charming. so perfect. you don't know what you did to earn it, but you've been chasing it ever since. modeling that week's behavior into this one. tip toes through the tulips of the trailer. jagged. shell like.

you get home from the library and lunch, she even stops with you when you mention you have to go to the grocery store. out of eggs for meatloaf, needed some canned string beans for one of the sides.

it's the best dinner you've made in a while and the mashed potatoes are double whipped and extra buttery because he can never get enough of them. you know that it's little things like that. you love the smile he gets when you tell him you do some things just for him, so blushy and boyish.

'that's so nice, baby,' he gushes, 'thinkin'a me.' and god he gushes. cries when he can't contain it. saw you in a new dress and wiped his eyes. new hair cut sent him into orbit.

so pretty.

you're so beautiful, i don't deserve you.

you're gorgeous i -- i can't even like, think.

presents on your birthday. handwritten notes with tear drops washing over the ink in a wave, blurry letters blue and black, black and blue. he'd never hit you. too in love. too bursting with affection when he looks at you. too nervous when you look at him when he takes you out. when he plays a show. when he sees you get dressed into your pjs at night. you're so good to me. especially when you hold him through those nightmares. when you calm his anxiety, those deep breath panic attacks. the ones that the meds miss when he misses them. you're patient through the mood swings and he always says thank you. he always says it -- you're the only one that understands him. that sees him. sometimes you don't get it. that's what he says at least. you don't get it and that makes him upset. but you're not sure what there is to get. and you try not to get sad about it -- 'bout anything really 'cause you're not the one who got a few screws knocked loose. nothing bad like that happened to you. i mean, sure, maybe some bad things happened to you but not like the way bad things happened to him, right? you wouldn't get it. but he gets you, he tells you all the time. he gets you so well. symbiotic. the only person who knows you, the only person whose been in your skin -- right? at least that's what he says, and he's said it so long you can't help but believe it.

your eyes fall on the newly vased roses he bought you two days ago from the florist near the shop. bright red petals opened and fat, contrasting against the pea green of the walls. you smile at them while you pour gravy over each plate, extra on his mashed potatoes. he kissed you this morning, he was almost late leaving the house -- couldn't stop kissing you. couldn't stop looking at you with those brown eyes, sparkling with a mischief saved for tonight.

the van rolls in as you set the table, still in your outfit from earlier, the books you checked out on the counter need the flowers. the storm door opens off kilter, your throat constricts. you know by the way he doesn't say anything when he comes in the house. work boots kicked off with loud thumps. his jacket swishing with a thwap when he throws it with a grunt to the ground. something bad must've happened at work. 'hey honey,' you say quietly, 'got dinner for you.'

you know better, watching him turn the corner into the dinette, looking down at you from where he stands and you sit. you hold a mug full of orange juice on the table, fingers tapping on it silently while he holds his gaze. 'you goin' somewhere, dressed up like that?' he asks, there's nothing behind those sparkling eyes now. dulled out to hollow brown.

'no,' you shrug, you know how to coreograph your responses now -- still stepping on his toes sometimes, 'went to the library with gina, she just wanted a friend for some errands.'

'you know gina doesn't like me,' he nods, walking to the fridge to grab a beer, 'she doesn't like us together. she hates me.'

'she doesn't hate you, ed,' you assure, voice still calm, mediating, 'no one hates you.'

'your folks hate me, your sister hates me,' he nods, curls bouncing while he takes a swig, like it's normal conversation. so steady, 'you think they like that i got you ever here in this trailer park?'

'my parents don't ha--'

'they do.' and that's final. you don't argue. and he's right. your parents don't like him and that's why you don't call anymore, and they stopped calling you too. so did all your friends from back home.

'so what'd gina tell you about me today, then?' he presses.

'nothin'," you shrug, 'we didn't talk about you.'

'of course not,' he laughs but it's one that sends a chill under your skin, a laugh to not seem so mean when you know he's about to be, 'she was prob'ly tryna set you up with someone. that's why you got all dressed up right? anything to look good for other guys out there.'

's'cuse me?' 'you heard me,' he nods, voice still steady like nothing's wrong, 'that's why you wore all those tight jeans in the city last weekend, right? those dresses? tryna show off to harrington and the guys. don't act like i didn't notice.'

'what are you talking about? why didn't you say anything when we were there?' you heart rate quickens, you try not to get mad.

'i shouldn't have to. but that's how you are, y'know?' he shrugs, another swig, another chuckle, 'makin' dinner and everything, you must've been out there makin' eyes at everyone if you made my favorite.'

'i wasn't doing that,' you urge, voice raising, tears threatening to pool, 'i just made it cause you like it, cause it makes you happy.'

'so you just do anything to make sure i don't get mad? do you even know why you do stuff like this for me?' he asks.

'what are you even saying?' your voice raises again, a mild yell. you're frazzled now, heart racing, head already scrambled.

'don't yell, what're you -- fuck babe, see! this is why gina doesn't like me,' he grits through his teeth, 'cause you're always making a scene over nothing. you're over fuckin' reacting.'

'i --' your voice catches in your throat, quieting, 'i'm sorry? i'm sorry.'

'd'you even know what you're sorry for?' he nearly sneers, 'always sayin' your sorry over nothing. y'know somethin' babe, sorry loses it's meaning when you're sayin' it all the time. it doesn't mean anything from you anymore.'

you nod, losing your resilience, too confused about how quickly you got here -- and he's right. you're always apologizing but half the time you don't even know what you're apologizing for. just that you feel like you need to be sorry. like you need to say sorry.

he holds that stare on you like he's waiting for you to speak again. daring you to say something. you stare down at the wood grain of the table, blank and empty -- numb, even. the mug between your hands is warm from how hard you were gripping the ceramic to keep you grounded.

's'what i thought,' he nods, voice a low rumble while he makes his way to the bathroom.

he'd never hit you.

the slam of the bathroom door makes you flinch.

sometimes you wish he would. maybe it would hurt less than this. at least that physical pain fades, right? at least it wasn't the same dull ache on a bruise that won't go away. are you hemmorhaging? do you just not feel it yet? will it be too late when you do?

he slides into bed with you at night after spending the rest of the evening out back with the other couples and families that were smoking ribs, having a little fire out in the brush. he smells like cigarettes. you could hear his grizzly laugh through the windows while you laid in the dark of your bedroom. too tired after the way he spoke to you to do anything else. everyone's favorite mechanic loverboy in the park.

you feel his fingertips on your shoulder, one of them gliding down the slope of your arm. he presses his lips to your shoulder blade, your eyes shut -- blearing with tears from that dull ache.

'dinner was really good, baby,' he says softly, a whisper.

you try to get out a thank you but it becomes a choke, a sniffle, a gasp. then a cry and then a harder one, remembering how he rolled his eyes at you two weeks ago when you cried after he threw out the love letter you wrote him for your four year anniversary because 'you didn't mean any of that shit anyway'.

he sits up, shushing you softly while his hand smooths over your bicep.

'what is it, sweetheart?' he asks, 'are you mad at me?'

you shake your head no. looking up at him, lying flat on your back. he looks so handsome in the moonlight, concerned eyes and tilted head peering down at you. 'n-no, ed. m'not mad at y-you,' you push out, head still scrambled. you feel guilty about last weekend, about going out today. what if guys really were looking? you know you weren't looking at them but what if they got the wrong idea? gina doesn't know what she's talking about, she's always hated ed. ever since they were kids.

'you just havin' one of your moments?' he asks, soothing voice, 'yeah?' one of your moments. always just one of your moments. couldn't be him, you're just -- maybe you're over thinking it.

'yeah,' you nod, 'm'sorry i went out with gina, baby i -- she didn't say anything bad about you.'

'it's okay,' he smiles, 'm'not mad at you. never mad at my girl.'

'no?' you ask, swallowing hard -- your heart leaps. he's not mad. maybe he just had a rough day.

'no doll, m'never mad at you. you always think i'm mad at you,' he says, thumb brushing away the tears that threatened to roll down the sides of your face to your hair line, 'you need me to kiss it better?'

another sob rips through you, nodding, because you do. you need it. and you sort of hate that you need it. you hate yourself for needing it. but he kisses you and it does feel better. he knows how to kiss you just right, he always has. he knows just where to put his hands. just how to pull away and brush his nose against yours. how to kiss your forehead between affirmations. smooth and understanding, like a movie scene. his kisses are his apologies. his sorry. you accept it every time.

because he doesn't hit you and he never would. in the morning, when the bathroom door slams so hard the walls vibrate, you flinch.

[maxwapan]

☆彡The sky longs to see the sun go down

Title from Fly by Bloodwitch

Summary: It’s a hot day today, but not hot enough to get a handjob from a certain best friend!

Notes: Is a crack fic supposed to be written this seriously. Forgive for some of the rambling and rushed writing it’s 4AM and I am running on sparkling water and belvita snacks. This was just for funsies ▼・ᴥ・▼

Cw: Male/Male, reader has cock and balls, some noncon mention, humiliation mention, sexuality denial, misoginy in one sentence, mentions of Ashley and Ada, OOC cause Leon’s a perv, mentions of fisting? Lol

Wc: 1,872

You tug at the hem of your sweater self-consciously, the combination of sweat and oil making you shudder. It’s gross; makes you feel like you spent hours stuck in a locked car without the windows down or proper air conditioning. Kind of like a dog or a baby, except it must be worse for them. It’s not like you’re actually trapped somewhere after all— not permanently. It’s just that your room’s AC is broken, and you lack the balls to call up a repairman due to fear of judgement.

What? It’s a scary thing. What if with one good look they take off running for the hills? It’s a possibility. One in a million, but still a possibility. Still, it’s so damn hot in here that you consider going through with it. Anything is better than sitting in your personal hell— even calling someone through the phone. Maybe if you still lived with your dad, he could have helped. Mom would surely say “do it yourself” and leave you hanging. It’s not like she knows anything about that stuff anyways, she’s a woman.

Sitting up with a groan, you pass a hand over the bed sheets you were just laying on, cringing when moisture collects on your skin. It’s even worse when you look back and see the massive patch of sweat in the shape of your body on the bed. It’s like a crime scene. A nasty, sweaty crime scene. Enough is enough. You really can’t take much more of this. You feel like you’re dying, and no it’s not an exaggeration. This is why you prefer winter over summer. Sure, it gets cold, but honestly you’d rather freeze than melt into a puddle of goo.

First your sweater goes, then your shirt, then your pants, then your socks and shoes. You strip it all until you’re standing completely naked in the middle of your room. It’s not like your roommate is here. Well, he is, but he’s showering. Asshole got to the bathroom first before you could. The water has been running for at least thirty minutes now, and it bothers you more than you’d like to admit. Whatever though, right? Leon is Leon. He’s a greedy bastard, no matter how much he denies it. It’s like, just because you’re friends doesn’t mean you get to be pushed around and shit.

Just ‘cause it gets your heart fluttering and your blood flowing to places that are better left unnamed doesn’t mean you like it. (read: yes it does).

Somehow, it’s only getting hotter in here now. Getting somewhat desperate, you walk over to open the window beside your bed with a huff, having to crawl over the mattress to do so— which leaves you in a rather suggestive position. One that, due to your focus on the heat, catches Leon’s attention as soon as he walks in. Maybe you’d have focused more on the sound of the shower turning off if you weren’t so damn busy. Anyways, Leon isn’t so dignified either. He wears nothing but a thin towel around his waist, skin glistening with water droplets and moisturizing lotion. It’s not a gay thing, he promises that. Can’t men look good too?

The first thing his eyes land on is the way your ass juts out, back slightly curved as you used whatever strength you could from your upper body to slide the window up. Although he’s never particularly been interested in men, you’re his best friend. That’s different. He’s been friends with you since like… childhood. That’s enough time to make him forget about the junk between your legs. Though, it’s pretty hard to do that now when he’s staring straight at it. At least your cock is smaller than his. He’s just been standing there staring like a weirdo with nothing better to do. He gets an idea when his cock starts to kick, blood rushing to the thick length, making it stand tall at attention. He’s always wanted to try anal.

You finally get that window open after some grunting and huffing, hoping the small draft of fresh air would be enough to cool you down. With a sigh of relief, you turn only to come face-to-face with your best friend. Leon watches with a subtle smirk as you yelp and scramble to shield your bare body with the blanket left draped over the bed. It’s almost pitiful. And somewhat offensive? You’ve been friends for years, but you can’t even stand being naked around him? Some friend you are.

He snatches the blanket away with a quick hand, the movement making the towel around his waist fall and bunch around his legs. Now they’re both naked. “What?” He huffs, “Never seen a guy’s junk before?”

He knows that’s not true. You know that too. You’ve seen a guy’s junk before. Just not your best friend’s. Confused and embarrassed, you still try to cover yourself up with your hands, cupping them over your crotch. “What’s wrong with you?” You glare, shooting Leon a scowl. “You couldn’t have knocked or something?” You try not to stare, you really try. But it’s staring right at you. His dick. Uncircumcised and honestly a decent length. It’s not like it’s monstrously big or something, that’s ridiculous. Not that you’d mind if it was. Death by huge cock would be a nice way to go.

Leon rolls his eyes, crossing his arms over his chest. He’s acting so damn nonchalant, as if his dick isn’t twitching against his tummy, begging for attention. “Really? I could have sworn this was my place too.” He doesn’t hide his staring, not at all. You can see as clear as day that his eyes are looking directly at your crotch, examining closely. It’s a stare that could almost come across as judgmental, and that makes your cheeks heat up with humiliation. Sheepishly, you shut your thighs, dipping your chin so you could peer up at Leon through your lashes.

“Yeah, well…” You trail off, unsure of what to say at this point.

“You know,” Leon butts in before you could even finish your train of thought, “you have a nice cock.”

“Huh?” You stammer, mouth dumbly shaping an ‘O’ out of shock. Did he really just say that? Were your ears deceiving you? Well, obviously not, since he repeats himself without a care in the world.

“I said you have a really nice cock.” Leon nods, as if he were some sort of penis reader or something. It kind of reminds you of those competitions they would hold at fairs. What pig is bigger? Well, in this case, which cock is nicer? Now vote! Honestly, it brings you an odd sense of warmth knowing your best friend would vote for you in that case. Enough about cock comparison and voting though, you’re snapped out of your thoughts when you feel warm hands grab onto each of your thighs. What the fuck is he doing now? You don’t think your best friend would touch you without your explicit approval (not that you’d mind), but he’s getting oddly touchy.

“You know,” Leon clears his throat awkwardly, struggling with social ineptitude just as much as you were. “I hear guys touch their friends sometimes… just for fun…” As he speaks, his hands gently push yours away from your crotch, the thick pad of his thumb running a slow line towards your penis. Immediately, your heart jumps so high you swear you feel it in your throat. You wouldn’t say no to this. Not really. It’s a tricky situation, but who wouldn’t want their dick rubbed by their bestie? Especially one known for his good-looks. A few seconds of thumbing at the base, and he finally wraps a hand around your length, squeezing lightly.

“Woah!” You gasp, breathing coming out hitched and ragged. It feels good, so good. The combination of adrenaline and pleasure might be too much. Honestly, you’re way more worried about what you’re saying. What kind of imbecile says ‘woah!’ while getting a handjob by their best friend? You, that’s who. Judging by the slightly amused look on Leon’s face, he thinks you’re an idiot. But you’re the idiot he’s jacking off, so who’s really the embarrassing one here? All you can hear is the slow schlick schlick schlick of his fist pumping your meat, the noise wet and sticky due to the amount of precum you had produced in a short amount of time.

Yeah, you’re not lasting at all. Who fucking cares? You’re getting your dick beat! By your best friend!

You groan into the palm of your hand, pathetic moans and whimpers escaping you within every second. Man, you’d be a good pornstar. Maybe you should consider it; college debt would be paid off much easier. Hips tilting forward for more, you watch intently, taking in every detail. Leon’s no different, he’s just as enthralled. Dare he say he’s finally getting what he’d dreamed of. Assuming dreaming about jacking your friend was normal. Maybe he’d try sticking this same hand up your ass later. He dreamt about that too at some point. Maybe he just likes you or something. That thought is weirder to him than all the other ones though.

His arm is starting to get tired, but he doesn’t slow down or anything, he just picks up pace. Fisting your cock is just as straining as when he lifts weights at the gym, and he considers doing this instead of working out every weekend. Easier to do and cheaper. Sure, he’s got all the money he could possibly need, but $30 for a gym membership that he has to pay for monthly is too much, even for him. He tightens his grip a little, squeezing rhythmically once he feels your cock starting to twitch and jump, signaling oncoming orgasm.

“Ah! Fuck! There… there!” You practically whine, back arching and hips bucking weakly, the muscles in your belly tightening and relaxing as wave after wave of pure, unbridled ecstasy washed over you. Who knew a handjob could feel this good? From someone else, that is. The ones you give yourself don’t match up. Leon obliges, continuing with his set pace and watching as thick spurts of cum splashed onto his hand, the enthusiastic bursts soon turning into lazy, creamy drools down the slit of your cock. He thought it’d be kind of gross to get someone else’s cum on him like this, but seeing how dazed and disoriented you looked made him smile, and that’s what counts. It’s not all that bad.

Curious, he brought his cum-coated hand up to his face, tongue lolling out to lap up one swipe of the mess. It smells musky, and tastes… peculiar. Not bad, so that means your diet is good at least. Just kind of salty and sticky, if sticky were a taste. There’s no other way to describe it really. He had remembered the taste of Ada’s cum and Ashley’s from when he had eaten them out before when they were dating (separately), but theirs also had variety. Anyways, instead of thinking like some cum connoisseur, he waits for you to finish panting and whimpering like some overheated dog before speaking.

“So, my turn?”

[rebelliousstories]

Communication

Relationship: Sean Renard x Reader

Fandom: Grimm

Request: Yes by Anon (Technically)

Warnings: Brief Strong Language, Angst, Fluff, Happy Ending

Word Count: 2,413

Main Masterlist: Here

Grimm Masterlist: Here

Summary: Having never expected to be in love with a kehrseite, Sean has no idea how to proceed in the relationship.

Evil is also not anything small or close to home, and not the worst; otherwise one could grow accustomed to it.

“Sean! Stop it!” A feminine giggle sounded through the condo as she was attacked by her boyfriend.

“Never, my dear.” Sean continued to drape his body over hers, and nuzzle his day old scruff into her neck.

It was a blessed couple of days off for the couple, and a rare occurrence. Appreciating the time, they spent majority of it tangled up in the silken sheets of their bed, and only left it for necessary things. Hearing the phone start to ring, Renard groaned, and dropped them back down onto the bed together.

“You should probably answer that, darling.” Reaching her hand out to grab the offending item, he snatched her wrist back into his quickly.

“No. Work already know that I wanted to not be disturbed while off today and yesterday. Do not pick it up!” He demanded with a light growl into her neck, causing more giggles to erupt. She tried to speak, but Sean simply captured her lips in his, taking any words that may have previously been spoken. Whether they simply chose to ignore the ringing, or it stopped and started again, the couple heard it once more, and groaned.

“You really should check on that. It’s starting to annoy me.” She complained, disengaging their lips and dropping her head on to the pillows below. Renard allowed his head to find purchase on her chest, before he grabbed the phone. Pausing as he saw the number across his screen, he sat up like he had been burned and went to leave the room. Pulling on some pants, he finally answered the phone.

“Oui?” Sean clipped, surging out of the room and leaving his lover behind on the bed. He had shut the door, which meant that she could not hear him clearly, but she knew he was speaking entirely in French. It was not a language that she knew a lot about, having only picked up a a few phrases from spending time around her lover.

Laying back against the silken sheets, she breathed a deep sigh of discontent. There were no secrets between them, except whatever he spoke about on those phone calls in French. At first, she handled the excuse that it was political work, stuff that came with being captain of the police force in Portland. But she had heard those phone calls with his detectives and officers, they were all in English. She did not know what he was hiding from her, but it was starting to make her sick. Sean returned to the room, this time without the phone to his ear, and made his way to their shared closet.

“Darling, I have to go in. Something came in at work.” He called, picking out a suit for him to wear. She sat up and clutched the sheets to her body.

“You’re supposed to be off for the rest of today,” came her complaint. Sean sighed and moved his way to the bathroom and started the shower.

“I’m sorry, dear. But I have to go in. Duty calls. Would you care to join me?” He held out his hand, but she turned around and showed her back instead.

Sean made quick work of his shower after that. He could probably spare a few minutes to sit and enjoy a cup of coffee with his lover, but she seemed content to stay in bed and not speak with him. Fixing his tie as best as he could, Sean draped his suit jacket, and tan over coat over the chair at the desk in the room. Kneeling down to where his girlfriend had turned over, he reached out a hand and stroked her arm.

“Help me with my tie?” He pleaded, watching her purse her lips. She sat up, and straightened out the tie residing on Renard’s chest. They both knew that he was more than capable of making sure his tie was perfect, he had been doing it for so long that it was second nature. But neither one called attention to it; it was a sense of bliss for them, allowing her to help him finish getting ready for the day.

“Darling, I know that it’s not how we planned, but-”

“But you have to go in. It’s okay. I’m fine. I get it. Doesn’t mean that I can’t be upset about it.” She cast her eyes down to her hands. Sean leaned up, and guided her gaze back to his with a gentle touch of her chin.

“When are you going to tell me what it is you’re hiding?” The sudden question made the man force himself to school his expression. It was only a matter of time before she had questions.

“It’s just work, dear. Nothing more than that.” Sean tried to reassure her, but she slipped from his grasp and to the other side of the bed. He sighed once more, and felt himself lose just a hint of control over his being. He was glad that she was turned away from him at that moment, because he could feel the woge taking over before he quelled it.

“I’ll be home tonight in time to make our reservation. Je t’aime, mon cher.” He called, and pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead before he left. Normally, she perked up and almost preened under hearing him speak French to her, but she stayed underneath the covers till she heard the front door shut behind the police captain.

Going through their days were tough. She was bored at home, with no one but herself, and simply allowed herself to waste away the day. It did not feel like a specially requested day off anymore; it just felt like a regular day off from her job. Meanwhile, Sean had been trying to figure out what his family was up to, and made his way to an out of use, abandoned building. However, what he was met with, was nothing. The sun was starting to set and he needed to get home. Sean had no time for games. Ringing the phone of the person who called him, he nearly jumped hearing the ringing coming from less than a foot away from him. Underneath the phone, was a note. A note that, when read, made Sean drop it and race to his car.

We do not take kindly to outsiders. No matter how they find their way into your bed.

Renard definitely broke several traffic laws trying to race home. He never should have left this morning. He never should have left her all by herself. And now, he may never get the chance to leave her at home again. Sean took stairs two at a time to make it up to his condo, and immediately drew his gun upon finding his door. The view inside that awaited him was unlike anything he had seen that day, let alone that week.

Broken glass from a picture frame was right inside the door. A shattered vase lay in pieces upon the ground of the kitchen. And his lover, bloody, beaten, and bruised, was being held up by two people Sean did not know, with a third standing nearby with a knife dripping in blood, and a fourth person observing it all.

“Come now. No need for something so American.” A smooth, accented voice broke the captain free from his wandering mind. He noted a cut on the side of the face of the man holding a knife, and felt relief that those self defense lessons he had given her paid off a little bit. The third cut man came upon Sean, and relieved him of his firearm, leaving him without a weapon.

“What’s this all about?” Renard questioned, watching the but man go back to where his lover was still being held up by her arms.

“Oh, this?” He motioned to Sean and his lover across the room. “This is just business. Nothing personal you see.” The captain was steadily clearing the distance in the room but was stopped by a gun pointed at him. It prevented him from getting any closer to his lover.

“Now, you might be wondering, why all of this. Well,” the accented man started, “truly, it is quite simple. We want the key that the Grimm has. Failure to retrieve it will send a, how do you say, unfortunate lesson to your door.” Sean listened to him, but kept his eyes on the woman across the room that struggled to return his gaze.

“And her, ah. Such a lovely woman. But even you must know, that with your… heritage, we will not allow your relationship to continue.” He chuckled as he raked his eyes over the woman’s body. She visibly cringed and struggled against her captures, wanting nothing more than to pluck the eyes from his head so she never had to feel that gaze again.

“Have you even told her of what you are?” The man continued, running a hand over the captive woman’s face.

“Sean, what is he talking about?” She whimpered, locking her gaze onto her lover that stood in front of her. The man said nothing which prompted the other one to laugh.

“Oh, this is just too good. You really have yet to find a way to break it to the little kehrseite. Maybe we should find a way to do so.” Nodding towards the captain, the woman was deposited into the arms of the main man who held her tightly towards his chest. Three against one, it appeared that Sean was outmatched for this fight. As she stared at them, unable to pull her eyes from the inevitable fight, she watched as the three people who held her shifted into something more resembling a dog than a person.

Her gasps were cut short as a hand fitted itself around her throat, cutting off any noise that threatened to escape.

“You won’t want to miss this.” The man hissed in her ear.

One after the other, the three dog people attacked Sean. He grunted and tried to block their attacks, but it was in vain. They kept landing hit after hit, and as much as he tried to fight back, they were simply too powerful for him. That is when he saw it. A similar ripple came across Sean’s face, leaving his right eye and left side of his mouth deformed. She did not know what she was seeing. Her boyfriend was something like the people who attacked her. The man to her back was laughing as he watched the royal dispatch of the dogs easier now that he had shown his true colors.

“Beautiful!” He shouted, as three bodies laid at Sean’s feet. Whether they were dead or knocked out, she did not know. “Doesn’t it feel good to have that all released? No more hiding, mon ami!” But his triumph did not last long.

Narrowing his eyes on the man, Sean stalked over and attacked. Throwing punch after punch, he did not stop until the man was bloodied and beaten within an inch of his life. Hearing shuffling behind him, Renard turned towards the source. His girlfriend. Forcing the wage underneath his skin again, he tried to reach for her but she moved out of his way.

“What the hell was that?” She barked, but Sean said nothing.

“What’re you trying so hard to hide?” Through her screams, tears slipped down her face as she tried to process what was going on.

“Cher, I will explain everything to you soon. But you need medical attention.” He reached for her once more, and in a state of shock, she let him. Sean deposited her on the couch and grabbed his phone.

“This is captain Sean Renard. I need units and an ambulance at my residence.” She did not catch much of the phone call; her eyes stared at the three bodies that were lying on the floor.

“What just happened?” Came her whisper, so Sean sat down on the couch and held her hands.

“Just listen while I explain. Any questions you have, I’ll answer at the end.” And with that, they sat there, listening and talking until the units arrived. Medics arrived before Sean could answer her questions but he made sure to tell her something very important.

“Whatever you do, don’t mention you saw anything weird happen. They’ll just throw you in the mental ward.” So she did not. Telling her side of the story, of how they slipped in through the front door and balcony and attacked her. How she smashed vases and tried to slice one with a kitchen knife she managed to grab. The beating that she had endured in the meantime till Sean got there and saved her.

Sitting down on a hospital bed, she smiled at the nice nurse who left the couple alone for the time being. Getting stitches and x-rays was not how she envisioned spending her day today, but here they were. They sat in silence and Sean tried to hold her hand. However, her hand was limp in his while she stared off into space.

“I’m so sorry, mon cher.” Renard admitted quietly. He leaned down slightly an pressed a kiss to her knuckles.

“What are you?” She finally spoke. Lifting his head, he paused briefly to gather his thoughts.

“My mother was hexenbiest. My father was a royal. So I am half-zauberbiest.” He left nothing out, not wanting to keep secrets anymore.

“When you speak in French on your phone calls, is this why? You’re dealing with royal business?” Came her question.

“Yes.” He spoke.

“Okay. It’ll take a little getting used to but-” she paused, “I think I can live with it.” She nodded, and squeezed her lover’s hand softly.

“What did he call me? A ‘K’ something. Keera?” Struggling to find the word, Sean stepped in to help.

“Kehrseite?” He supplied. Her nod confirmed that was the word she was looking for.

“A kehrseite is a normal person. Not of the wesen world. However, I suppose you are now a kehrseite-schlich-kennen. A normal person who knows about our world.” Nodding again, she seemed to accept the information that her brain was being loaded with.

“No more secrets, please?” She whispered, looking towards Sean with soft eyes.

“No more secrets, my love.” He confirmed, and pressed a gentle kiss to her head. Evil is also not anything small or close to home, and not the worst; otherwise one could grow accustomed to it.

[angstysebfan]

My Roommates Boyfriend - Chapter 3

Pairings: Bucky x female reader AU: Modern

Chapter Summary: After staying at a creeping motel, the reader finally finds out why Bucky hates her. Warnings: Angst, Cursing, Panic Attack, Creepy older motel worker (unrealistic driving time, but whatever)

Series Masterlist

--

You pull up to an old looking motel. It kind of reminds you of the Bates Motel in the movie Psycho. Bucky could feel your uneasiness and laughed, “We could sleep in the car if you are uncomfortable.”

You look at him and see a smirk on his lips. He was making fun of you, which pissed you off. 

“Nope, I just hope the psycho killer chooses you as their victim tonight. I’ll give Nat your regards,” You say before getting out of the car.

Bucky laughs out loud, a sound that was surprisingly pleasant to you. “You've watched too many horror movies,” he says as he walks into the office, with you following him.

You both walk up to the counter and ask for two separate rooms. “Sorry, but we only have one room available. It has a king size bed though,” the older gentleman said looking you up and down. 

You look at Bucky and see the tick in his jaw. He looks at you and rolls his eyes. “How far is the nearest motel or hotel from here?” He asked, the annoyance evident in his voice. 

“Not for another 20 miles or so,” the older man said, ignoring Bucky’s attitude. “I don’t know why a good looking man like you wouldn’t want to share a room with a pretty gal like her,” he said, smirking and wiggling his eyebrows at you and making you uncomfortable.

You can’t help the blush that runs through your cheeks. Bucky scoffs, “Beauty isn’t everything. We'll take the damn room,” he says giving his credit card over.

Once you're both settled in the room you sit on the bed, back leaning against the headrest. Bucky's taking a shower, which gave you time to think about everything that happened in the car today. Bucky kept saying he heard about what you said. What could I've possibly said? You think back to the entire year of Bucky being in your life, and you can’t for the life of you think about saying anything bad about him. Except that he's an asshole, but he deserves it.

Bucky comes out of the bathroom wearing a pair of black sweatpants and no shirt. You can’t help but admire his physique as he towels his long brown hair. His body was a sight to behold. Muscles upon muscles, which made butterflies appear in your stomach. You always thought he was attractive, even when you first saw him. You desperately wanted to talk to him, but Nat showed interest and you backed down immediately. Then you met him and saw his true personality, which surprised you. Though he seemed to treat Nat well.

Bucky looks up and sees you staring at him. “Take a fucking picture it'll last longer,” he snaps, causing you to blush at being caught.

You quickly grab your stuff and quickly run into the bathroom. After a quick shower, you change into a tank top and shorts. You walk out into the room and notice Bucky was putting on shoes and a t-shirt.

“I’m gonna to sleep in the car,” he said.

You can’t help but get offended that he would rather sleep in the small car than share a room with you. You knew you had to find out his deal, but would wait until morning. 

“I-I mean I can sleep on the floor if you want. You don’t have to sleep in the car,” you say, trying to not sound whiney. 

Bucky looks up at you and shrugs. “It’s fine. Don't worry, us biker gang, poor city boys are used to roughing it. Be at the car by 5:30 am, or I'm leaving your ass,” he says as he walks out of the motel.

You can’t help but stare at the door after he leaves. You quickly pick up the phone and call Nat.

“Hey Y/N! Where are you guys?” Nat says excitedly. 

“Hey Nat, we're in Ohio, but close to the border of Indiana I think. Look Nat, what the fuck is going on? Bucky fucking hates me and is making me completely miserable. I've almost cried like three times already!” you say, frustrated.

“I’m sorry hun. I hoped maybe you would talk it out and get along. Just like you told me you wanted that night. But, like I said I'll explain everything when you get here. Just try your best to get along, please? It’s only temporary,” Nat pleads.

You can’t help but roll your eyes. Before you can agree to her she says, “I gotta go, Bucky's calling me. I’ll talk to you tomorrow!” and the phone disconnects.

–

You exit the motel, dropping off the key, and enter the car at 5:15am. Bucky's sitting there waiting for you. He doesn’t say anything after you buckle your seatbelt, just starts the car and heads off. You continue to think about how to broach the subject of his hatred for you. Maybe after you eat something.

“Did you want to get food, or just continue the trip?” you ask softly, hoping to keep his mood calm.

You hear him sigh, “Whatever,” he says dryly.

You don't know how to go on from here, so you just say, “Let’s just drive for awhile, we can stop further along.”

Over the next few hours, you listened to your playlist, while driving through Ohio, Indiana, and Illinois. You wanted to stop in Chicago, but Bucky just wanted to keep going. He was acting very weird today. Didn’t snap at you, in fact he barely spoke to you. How were you going to ask him anything if you couldn’t gauge his mood. 

You were half way through Wisconsin when you finally stopped for fuel and food. You grabbed sandwiches and chips for you both, as well as some waters. It wasn’t long before you were on your way again. It was 3:30 in the afternoon and Bucky has barely said 3 words to you all day. You decided enough was enough. You paused your playlist and turned toward him.

“Hey uh...Bucky, can I ask you a question?” you ask hesitantly.

He doesn’t even glance at you. “You just did.” he said monotoned.

You roll your eyes. “Seriously.”

He rolls his eyes. “Fine, what?!” he snaps, obviously not in the mood.

You take a deep breath, “You mentioned yesterday that ‘you knew what I said’, and I was just wondering what you were talking about.” you say nervously.

He scoffs, “I’m not talking about this, especially with you,” he says.

You look at him annoyed, “I was accused of saying something bad about you, and I deserve to know what it is, so I can defend myself!” you say. 

Bucky sighs, “I really don’t give a shit what you have to say to defend yourself. You're nothing but a spoiled prissy princess who judges everyone, even before you meet them. I don’t know how Nat was even friends with you. You're not in the same category in anything; beauty, personality, anything! I just honestly don’t get it,” he says, like he is talking about the weather.

You feel like he just punched you in the stomach, and find it very difficult to breath. You've never had anyone say anything so horrible to you in your entire life. You feel a panic attack coming and you don’t know what to do.

“B-Bucky, you need to pull over,” you say breathlessly.

Bucky rolls his eyes, “I’m not gonna to pull over so you can throw a fucking hissy fit,” he says.

“Bucky pull the fuck over!!” You scream.

He looks at you and sees that you're very pale and breathing heavy. He quickly pulls over to the side of the road.

You jump out and run a few paces before falling to your knees, sobbing. You've never been so insulted in your whole entire life, and the worst part is, you don’t know why. You try to control your breathing, but it’s getting harder to do so. You feel hands on your shoulders and hear a voice but it sounds far away.

 “Y/N…. Y/N look at me.” Bucky says softly. You keep your eyes on the ground, trying to reign everything in. “Y/N, please… look at me, I can help you,” he says earnestly.

You look at him with wide eyes and meet his blue ones, which are currently full of concern and maybe fear. Bucky grabs your hand and puts it on his chest, where you can feel his heartbeat. He starts taking deep breaths through his nose and out through his mouth. You feel his breath on your face, as you continue to look into his eyes.

Before you know it, you’re matching his breaths. It takes about 15 minutes or so before you feel better, but Bucky keeps his hold on your hand. You let you eyes drop to your lap, continuing to breath deeply. 

“I…I’m so sorry,” Bucky whispers. You shake your head, not wanting to hear it. “I didn’t mean anything I said. I just…” he stops himself and takes a deep breath.

“The night that I met Nat in the bar, I was actually interested in someone else,” he says softly.

You don't move, continuing to look at your lap. “I, uh… I was actually interested in… you,” he says looking away, embarrassed. Your eyes shoot to his face, this makes zero sense to you.

“My friend Sam, I think you met him once, he went down to the bar to get drinks and overheard a conversation you were having with Nat. You were talking about me and my friends. Sizing us up and commenting on who you would go for. Nat made mention of me and you made a comment.”

Bucky scoffs at this and looks at you. You think back to that night when you and Nat first saw Bucky.

Flashback

You and Nat are sitting in the bar people watching. You hear laughter coming from a hightop table near by and take a look. You see a group of good looking guys, but one man stood out for you. He had long brown hair, the bluest of eyes, and a sharp jawline, and you were immediately attracted to him.

“Dibs on the long haired hottie,” Nat whispered to you. You couldn’t help but be disappointed that you and Nat were attracted to the same guy. Nat had just gotten out of a bad relationship, and was looking for someone to help heal her heart. You had been single for too long, and was ready for love. 

You decided that Nat’s need for love was greater than your own and conceded. You didn’t want her to know that you were checking him out, so you played it off like you weren’t interested.

You scoff, “I-I mean if you're into that biker gang, poor city boy type then go for it. I'd rather not,” you laugh outwardly, but inside you screamed at yourself. You've always put others needs before your own, and now your throwing the most beautiful man you've ever seen toward Nat. 

After 10 minutes you look back over to the table and notice the long haired hottie was looking toward your table, but you can tell he's looking at Nat. He eventually came over to talk to her, ignoring you, and then they left together that night. All the while you kept thinking that could have been you.

End of Flashback

You look into Bucky’s eyes with regret and sorrow. How're you going to explain yourself. It's no wonder he hated you, what you said was out of line and so judgemental. Bucky just watches different emotions cross your face. 

“Bucky… I.. I'm so sorry that you found out what I said. It was out of line, and I don't blame you for not liking me. But, you have to know that I really didn’t mean it,” you said, your voice waving from the tears that were starting to pour down your face.

Bucky scoffed at this, “Of course you didn’t. Isn’t that typical,” he says, finally letting go of your hand and walking a few more paces away from you.

You stand on your shaky legs and look at him. “Bucky, you have to let me explain what really happened that night, please.” 

He turns around and looks at you, anger and hurt evident in his blue eyes. “Why would I believe anything that you say? Huh? Why should I?” he shouts.

You flinch from his tone, but stand your ground. “Because you just made the same mistake I did. You just said things about me that you didn’t mean. I'm here accepting your apology, you should at least hear me out!” you shout back.

Bucky looks at you for a moment before nodding. “Okay. That night, I heard you and your friends laughing. I turned around and you were the first person I saw. I never saw a man as handsome as you." Your face heats up in embarrassment.

"I was immediately attracted to you from first glance. I so wanted to know you. I wanted to learn everything about you, and have you take me home that night,” you take a deep steadying breath.

“Nat called dibs," you said with a shrug. "Which I know sounds childish, but I conceded. She'd just gotten out of a bad relationship, and I didn’t want to stand in her way of happiness. So I had to play it off that I wasn’t interested in you, even though it was the complete opposite. If she knew, she would've backed off, because she is so amazing. So... I said those things to make her think I wasn’t interested, but my god I was. It’s killed me to see you guys get together. Even though you have said cruel and terrible things to me, I...", you pause wondering if you should say it.

"All I've ever heard from Nat is how completely amazing you are, and I can’t help thinking if I didn’t give up so easily… th-that maybe you and I could've been together. But I thought how stupid I am because you liked Nat, so...” you say this last part in a whisper.

You look up at Bucky, who is just staring at you. “H-how do I know that any of that is remotely true?” he asks.

You sniff and shrug your shoulders. “I told Nat the truth after she told me she was moving across the country, when we were drunk. She felt bad, but she doesn't know that I still have some unresolved feelings. Not that it matters because you hate my guts. You can ask her though,” you say.

Bucky looks at you for what feels like forever. You see the anger in his eyes, that slowly changes into something else that you couldn't quite read. His eyes continue to get softer as the minutes pass by. Before you knew it, Bucky was quickly walking towards you in long strides. He grabs you by the back of the neck and smashes his lips into yours.

--

Chapter 2 / Chapter 4

Feedback is appreciated. Yes I have a thing for toxic relationships... sorry...not sorry.

Permanent Taglist: Permanent Taglist:  @rebekahdawkins @marajade1974 @missvelvetsstuff @phillygirl77 @pattiemac1 @winterslove1917 @vampire7595 @unkasworld @midnightramyeoncravings

Story Taglist: @unaxv @kandis-mom

[joels-darlin]

Surprises

Pairings: Pedro Pascal x f!reader

Warnings: fluff, mention of alcohol, mentions of stress.

Summary: Pedro has been planning something special which is finally revealed over your weekly Friday evening ritual.

Word count: 1402

Author Note: Little piece I've been working on for a short while. Debated not posting this the ending is pretty crap but hey ho here we go. Sorry it's not great. As usual any feedback is appreciated, enjoy <3 Posted on AO3

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Since the start of your friendship with Pedro, when he wasn’t away filming of course, Friday nights had been the one stable thing in your life. This consisted of sharing a bottle of wine (sometimes 2 depending on how the week went) out on the patio with a takeaway of choice. Losing count on how many times you had frequented his guest bedroom, Pedro not wanting you to be driving under the influence. Now that your friendship had progressed into a relationship nothing had changed, that time still reserved for just the two of you - except now spent cuddled under a blanket. It wasn’t hard to believe how it happened. All the years of built up feelings spilling out over (you guessed it) a bottle of wine one cool summers evening, the start of the relationship sealed with a kiss.

You where in the midst of wrapping up work for day in the office of your now shared home, Pedro asking you to move in after some time together, beaming with excitement for your week off but also your normal Friday night plans. A quick glance at the clock showing it was 6pm and after already working well over your normal hours, it was time to log off. You sent a brief message to you colleagues wishing them pleasant weekends - but also the reminder that you where on leave next week. Making sure to also set your emails to Out of Office mode, before shutting down the computer.

It seemed strange taking a random week off in the middle of the year, you usually saved any annual leave for Christmas time so you could travel to either see his or your family - rotating every year. It was only last month that Pedro suggested it whilst sitting down one evening to dinner at home. It was the one time he had a break in filming until the end of the year, so you agreed that it would be good to spend some time together.

Grabbing your phone from the charging stand noticing the screen littered with notifications - mostly messages from family members & friends. Scrolling to the bottom the one that caught your eye was from Pedro from an hour ago, swiping the screen to open the conversation.

P 💜 Just nipped out cariño, let me know if you need anything. I popped my head in earlier but you where engrossed in work. See you soon hermosa xx

Messaging back a quick response the phone then placed in the pocket of your shorts. Deciding on a shower before Pedro returned home you padded through the house to the bathroom, not forgetting to grab a towel from the cupboard on the way.

The sun was just starting to set as you took the usual spots on the couch outside, casting a glowing orange hue across the garden. The only background noise being the ruffling of the tree leaves, caused by the light breeze in the air, and the random music playlist that was playing on the outside speakers. You sighed in contentment as he reached over to pour a large serving into the empty glasses that lay on the table. “For you mi amor” he said softly, holding out the glass, you thanked him lifting the glass to your lips for a small sip before setting it down on the table. Already feeling slightly tipsy from the bottle of wine you had consumed with dinner you made a mental note to take it slowly with this one. He settled back into the couch again, arm slung across your shoulders, you curled into his side appreciating the warmth radiating off his body in the cool evening.

The general chatter was flowing easily with you discussing how both your weeks had gone as well as sharing a few funny stories and awful jokes from Pedro’s end. It was quite the romantic setting, taking moments in between conversation to steal a few soft and slow kisses - mostly just appreciating each others company. It was nice to just switch off and forget about the stresses of everything, you hadn’t failed to miss Pedro’s brows furrowing with concern and pulling you little closer when you mentioned that you had a lot on your plate at the moment, regards to your job. Making a promise to push it to be back of your mind so you can finally enjoy a week off together.

“So…I have a surprise for you, let me go grab it quickly” he said untangling from your embrace before walking back inside the patio doors. Pedro re-appeared a few minutes later clutching 2 white envelopes, taking the seat beside you. “This one is first” He grinned handing over one of the envelopes, shooting him a mysterious look. You sort of hated but also loved surprises, he knew that, and prayed that he hadn’t of gone out of his way to spend a fortune on you again. The excuse always being “Well I like treating my girl”.

Sliding your finger under tab you carefully prised open the envelope, careful not to rip the contents, pulling out a folded sheet of white paper. Unfolding it carefully, taking a moment to read it’s contents. “Wait…P…what” you gasped, bringing a hand to cover your mouth in shock. There in back and white, the details of two flight tickets back to your home. “You where probably wondering why I asked you to take a random week off I have been planning this for awhile, I thought we could take a vacation and go visit your family…” he explained. “…It’s just you have been looking a little down recently and thought this might give you a pick me up” his free hand dropping to caress your thigh softly. “I-P-thankyou” moving your eyes from the paper to look into those soft brown orbs, tears threatening to spill from your own. He smiled softly. “That’s not the only thing…” placing the second envelope in your lap “Open this” he grinned excitement present in his voice.

Picking up the second envelope with shaking hands. Pedro obviously noticed this moving his arm to snake around your waist fingers grazing softly over some exposed skin; a calming gesture. You made quick work of the seal then unfolded the second sheet of paper, scanning it’s contents. Was this really happening? How had he managed it? Two tickets to see your favourite artist at the arena back home.

“Oh. My. God. P-What-” and that was it the flood gates opened, tear tracks staining your cheeks. “Oh sweetheart, I hope those are happy tears” he cooed pulling you into his embrace, placing a kiss on your hair. Pedro knew when the tickets released months ago you had tried and tried to get your hands on some - eager to see the artist live again. After pulling a few strings with his agent and a shift around in schedule he not only managed to bag 2 VIP tickets but also some well needed downtime - which is when the idea came into play about visiting your family. The concert being something you two would also attend whilst over there. It had all fell into place superbly. Taking a moment to compose yourself then you leaned up looking into his eyes. “But-how? I tried but-just Thankyou P, I-I don’t know what to say”“ stuttering to form any coherent sentences, instead deciding to lean over and press a soft kiss on his lips which he happily reciprocated. “Anything for you mi querida” he whispered against your lips, moving to kiss the tip of your nose softly. You pulled back to scan the papers again. “Wait-” you exclaimed eyes scanning the dates, “We-we leave tomorrow?”. He hummed and nodded in response to the question, draining the last of his wine glass and placing it on the table. “Come on querida we have some serious packing to do” Pedro grinned, standing up from the couch he extended his hand which you took intertwining both your fingers. You giggled following suit to stand a moment after, hands still laced together. “Lead the way then mi amor”. In the blink of an eye you where being pulled (gently of course) through into the house and up the stairs, the sounds of both your laughter filling the rooms as you collapsed on the bed. Absolutely no worries in the world enjoying a moment; just the two of you.