#except it is also Happening you know to a tangible level | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

mangoisms · 1 year

Text

circle k (back to you)

summary: in which you're just the graveyard shift employee at circle k bombarded by vigilantes.

━ chapter three: this doesn’t feel right | read chapter two

━ pairing: tim drake x f!reader

━ word count: 6.6k

━ warnings: robbery, gun gets pulled but nothing happens, brief mention of blood, basically canon-typical violence

━ masterlist

━ a/n: decided to include the last minute scene i wrote between tim and steph, specifically the one at the very end. fair warning, we shift to steph’s pov! also my first time writing for a canon chatacter so be gentle <3

“How’ve things been?”

“Like you don’t know.”

Red Robin, you think, sure has the gall to look as smug as he does right now.

After all, it’s not as if he had a point to prove to you. You very specifically told him he didn’t and that you didn’t care what he did regardless of whether he took your advice or not.

Despite the look on his face, he manages to say, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Sure you don’t,” you say, a little bit more accusingly than you mean to, following him as he ventures to the candy aisle.

“Alright,” he concedes, not looking at you as he bends forward to peer at the display of gummy candy. “But just so you know, it ended up taking a life of its own. You’ve made a solid impression so far.”

“You’re kidding.”

“Not at all. The list of places we can visit like this without having the cops called or worse is very short.”

“But that perception works.”

“Well, sometimes it’s less about fear and more about plain disapproval. Which also does its own job but… tiring, sometimes.”

That… makes sense. The Flash can walk down the street in Keystone and Central without anyone getting all up in arms about it. These guys can’t.

“But it’s necessary, no?” Just curiosity. Not agreeing, exactly.

Red Robin takes two packs of sour gummy worms and straightens, turning away from you to head to the refrigerators at the back. “Doesn’t change the fact that we can find it a little bit tiring. Makes you wonder if you can strike a balance, but in the end, it’s nothing more than an ideal. Fear rules best.”

“I’m sure.”

“Civilian, remember?”

“Yeah, well, this civilian gets to pass judgment since I’m a citizen of this city just like you guys are.”

Seems like they forget that sometimes. Or Batman does. You’ve heard whispers of metas who found out they had powers and attempted to use them for good. Only to be sharply turned away by Batman.

There is something to be said about ensuring not just anybody goes out and does what they do, lest they get themselves and others killed, but the impression you’ve gotten is that he doesn’t allow metas in the city. No matter their experience or skill level. The only exception to the rule, so far, is Signal.

You don’t know. When you were younger, they seemed cool. As you got older, that changed. How could you trust them? How could anyone know if they were trying to do good or if they were just enacting their own convoluted brand of justice? Red Hood’s existence several years ago proved that to you and all the others.

Even if he was trying to set himself apart from Batman or whatever, the fact remains that everyone in East End, in Park Row, in the Narrows, in the Bowery, feared that they might be next. Didn’t matter if you were innocent or not because one’s definition of innocent differed sharply from his—from theirs. And when you were desperate like most people there were, that changed everything, too.

Sure, the GCPD is corrupt and so is the justice system and the government and practically every institution in this city, in this country, but… you just don’t know.

So, maybe he does have a point to prove to you.

Maybe they all do.

“Well, look,” he starts, surprising you as he turns with two bottles of Zesti in hand. “If you want us to stop coming around, we will. No harm done.”

Fine.

Maybe you’ll regret the decision but… it does make them all the more tangible to you.

“It’s fine. Keep coming around. Might discourage anyone from trying their luck and it keeps my shifts interesting.”

“And it’s all about you, is it?”

“If not, find another Circle K to haunt.”

He laughs. The sound is familiar but nice, in a way. Comforting almost. It’s then you shake your head and turn away sharply, trying to push the feeling away.

There’s that, too. Maybe if you can keep Red Robin coming around long enough, you’ll figure out what exactly it is about him that bothers you, that niggles at you.

It should help take your mind off things. Like your growing concern about Tim’s lack of contact with you. You and Steph have hung out twice since she came back and both times he said he was busy. It shouldn’t be something that bothers you, but the fact that your attempt a few days ago to hang out with him alone for ice cream was also shot down with that same excuse. And of course, his sparse replies to your texts.

But he did reply eventually. Just some agreement about what you said about Signal. Didn’t exactly carry the conversation much further but at least he replied, right? Same goes for the shared group chat between you, him, and Steph.

You haven’t spoken to her about it, either, but you don’t want to.

It’s—complicated.

That’s just what your life feels like these days.

Complicated.

Red Robin keeps coming around.

The others come around, too. You don’t see much of Signal working the night shift but you do see Black Bat again. Even Spoiler, though she keeps her distance for a reason you can’t understand. Not to say she is mean or anything. She just waves at you but she never says much else. You’ll hear her and Black Bat talking quietly, though the words themselves are lost on you no matter how hard you strain your ears.

You keep worrying about Tim, of course, and hanging out with Steph, who squeezes in time to see you in between her internship with social services.

For a while, things are calm. The vigilantes who pop up grow increasingly familiar and any wariness evaporates.

Then you get a new face.

The guy walking around the store in the oversized grey hoodie is doing a bad job at robbing you, you think.

Well, he hasn’t actually robbed you. But his hand stays in the pocket of his hoodie, clearly grasping something as he makes a couple circuits around the store. Either scoping it out to see if there is anyone else to worry about or trying to work himself up to it. You think it’s the latter, with how nervous and sweaty he looks.

Mostly, it’s for your own nerves to think that.

It’s been a hot minute since the store was robbed and you were held at gunpoint (or knifepoint). You aren’t explicitly allowed to trigger the silent alarm until either of those things make an appearance, so even with the bad feeling in your gut, you can’t yet do anything.

You are close, though. So very close.

But you don’t have to wait any longer as he rounds the corner and pulls out the gun.

Oh, great.

Before he can say anything, before you can say or do something, the door swings open.

When you both look, there is nothing there.

You wince at the rush of hot smelly air from the outside.

“Who—who’s there?!” he yells, then swings the gun back to you. “What did you do?!”

“I didn’t do anything—”

The arrow comes out of nowhere.

One blink and it’s embedded in his hand, the same hand holding—previously holding—the gun. You flinch as the weapon clatters sharply to the ground, your stomach churning at the sight of the arrow embedded in his hand, blood dripping; he yells in pain, dropping to his knees.

Then comes the owner of the arrow.

Dressed in black and dark shades of purple, the Huntress is a sight to behold. Her boots are soundless on the tiles. She looks… bored as she talks to someone. Some kind of comm, you guess.

“Yeah, I know, I’m on my way back, I’m picking up coffee. From the—yeah. So he’s gotten to you, too? Figures. What’s the sound—? Oh, just some idiot trying to rob the store. Yeah, go ahead and call the cops.”

You stare, heart beating so quickly you feel a little dizzy, as she knocks the guy out, leaving him to slump on the ground. She kicks the gun further away from him for good measure.

Finally, she looks at you.

The Huntress, a figure you’ve only seen in the newspaper or articles online, mostly grainy pictures, is very pretty up close. Shoulder-length dark hair, olive skin, lips painted a deep, pretty shade of purple, and sharp blue eyes, easily revealed through her mask.

“Are you okay?” she asks, watching you carefully.

“Y-Yeah,” you stammer. “Thank you.”

A slight shrug. “All in a day’s work. Coffee?”

“Um. Over there.”

“Thanks.”

You watch, befuddled, as the Huntress steps over the body of the now-unconscious robber and strides to the coffee machine, entirely unbothered as she grabs three cups.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know how you take your coffee, O. Give me some credit. Is Cat coming by? No? Alright, just you and BC, then.”

As the machine sputters out coffee, she comes back over to you. “Do you have any drink carriers?”

“Yeah, they’re over there.”

You point them out, on the other side of the Slurpee machine, and she nods her thanks, grabbing one.

She returns to the counter a couple minutes later.

“So, um,” you start, clearing your throat. “Is there anything in particular I should say to the police about this?”

She tilts her head, confused for a moment, before realizing what you mean.

“Oh, don’t worry about it. You can say it was me. They’ll want to see the footage, too. Let them.” She pauses, giving you an appraising look. “Is there anyone you would like me to call?”

“Call?” you ask, confused as you ring up the coffees.

She fiddles with a pouch in her utility belt without taking her eyes off you, pulling out a ten dollar bill.

“Red Robin?”

“Red—no. No, I don’t think… I’m fine, I mean.”

Huntress nods and lets it go, accepting her change.

“The cops’ll be here in a few,” she says. “I’ll be around until then, so don’t worry.”

“Thank you, again.”

She gives you the smallest of smiles. “Like I said. All in a day’s—night’s—work.”

You watch her go, one part of you not wanting her to leave, but the other assuaged by her promise to hang around and make sure nothing and nobody bothers you again.

The police arrive a little while after that. By the arrow in the man’s hand, they already know who saved you, but they still demand to see the footage.

“So, it was the Huntress?”

“Yes.”

“Has she ever come by?”

“No.”

“Have you ever interacted with her anywhere else?”

You pause, barely stopping yourself from narrowing your eyes, because you do not like the accusatory tone this cop is giving you. What did he say his name was? Bullock or something.

You send a silent apology to Sandra Bullock for having to share her last name with this idiot.

“Well?” he asks, burning cigarette hanging from his lips, arms crossed. The smell of tobacco is nauseating this close. What’s worse is you’re outside while the other guys handle things inside. Even at one in the morning, the heat edges on unbearable and the humidity is even worse, making your skin tacky with it.

“No,” you say, a tiny bit exasperated. “I have never interacted with her before this. Why would I want to?”

“You were talking to her.”

“She was talking to me. Asked me if I was okay.”

Unlike any of these assholes who blew in here, sirens wailing, and made you put your hands up as they came in, guns brandished, even though the guy was obviously down for the count. Honestly, they scare you more than the shooter. At least in that moment. These guys can be real trigger-happy.

Now, they’re just a pain in your ass.

You need a Slurpee, you think. No, deserve one. For your troubles.

“It’s cut-and-dry, Harv,” the other detective, Montoya, puts in, having stepped away. She sends you a sympathetic look that just annoys you even more. “Got some calls from a few other convenience stores for suspicious activity. They saw this guy, too, but he always left before doing anything. Guess he finally worked up the nerve to do it here but it didn’t work out well in his favor.”

Bullock grunts. “You run her ID?”

Oh, for the love of—

“She’s clear. We’re good.”

Behind you, two EMTs haul the still-unconscious robber out and into the ambulance, which promptly leaves; a cop with gloves on steps out, the gun in a baggie.

Montoya asks you a few more questions, obviously trying to make up for Bullock’s brusque manner of speaking, but it’s a futile effort. You still cooperate, however, as politely as you can with the annoyance still burning inside you and this damnable heat.

Eventually, they leave, called away to some other incident, cars peeling away from the curb, blue-and-red lights flashing, sirens wailing.

You watch them go, allowing your scowl to come out full-force, your arms crossed tightly over your chest.

“Bullock’s always like that. It’s not personal.”

“Jesus,” you hiss, heart pounding as you whirl around; it takes a moment for your eyes to pick out Red Robin leaned against the brick apartment building next to the store, his figure mostly cloaked in shadows.

He steps into the light. Despite the nonchalant tone of his previous words, he looks, dare you say, worried.

“Just coming around?”

“No. I heard what happened. Wanted to come and see how you were.”

“Annoyed. And hot. And tired. Come on, let’s go inside. The AC isn’t that great but it’s better than this.”

Red Robin follows you in. You click your tongue upon finding the blood from the guy’s hand still on the tile. So, now you have to clean that, too, on top of the paperwork you have to fill out for the incident. Great.

You jump at the nudge of a knuckle between your shoulder blades. “What—”

“I can clean it up.”

“No, that’s—”

“Let me do it. I have more experience cleaning blood than you.”

“Charming,” you mutter. “But alright, fine. Thanks.”

“Cleaning supplies?”

“First aisle.”

A nod and he turns, cape fluttering behind him.

You rub your forehead, feeling a headache start to form, and continue for the Slurpee machine at the other end of the store.

A few minutes later, Red Robin joins you, wiping his gloved hands with what looks and smells to be antiseptic pads.

“Good as new,” he tells you, reaching for a Slurpee cup, too, as you sip at yours. “Like nothing ever happened.”

You sigh. “Thanks. Appreciate it.”

“So,” he starts, holding the cup beneath the tube for… the Zesti Cola flavor? What a complete weirdo.

“Are you—” he stops when he looks at you. “You’re judging me.”

“Who comes in to get a Cola-flavored Slurpee? That’s weird. You might as well just get a bottle of it.”

“Woah. It’s so not the same thing. If there was a drink form of, what do you get? Blue raspberry? Yeah. If there was a drink form of that, would you do that instead? A Slurpee is about the consistency. The slushy factor.”

Okay, that’s fair, but something about everything he just said makes you laugh. Hard.

Maybe the heat is getting to you. Maybe it’s the hysteria setting in. Maybe it’s Red Robin passionately defending his choice in Slurpee flavor and saying shit like ‘The slushy factor’ with a straight face. You don’t know.

“You’re finally losing it, aren’t you?” Despite his words, Red Robin looks almost relieved. He really was worried, you surmise, which is a… touching thought.

You quell your giggles, shaking your head; though the laughter was nice, your head is really pounding now.

“Here,” he says, digging through a pouch at his utility belt, pulling out a mini packet of… huh. Tylenol.

“Tampered?” you ask, taking it from him, anyway.

“If I wanted to kill you, I would’ve done it already.”

“Again. Charming.” But it still doesn’t change the thoughtfulness of the action; he doesn’t have to. If anything, this stuff is probably best kept for him. Though with their proclivity for putting their lives in danger, you don’t imagine Tylenol would be particularly helpful against gunshot wounds, but still…

“Thanks,” you say, a little quieter now, more meaning in your voice as you tear it open and shake out two pills.

Red Robin shakes his head. “It’s the least I can do.”

You can tell he means it. Which is, again, both touching and maybe a little bit confusing, too.

But trying to decipher why he does what he does is a futile effort.

This is, after all, the same guy who dresses up and goes out fighting the worst of the worst night after night.

Best not to look too closely. Who knows what you might find.

Despite your best efforts, Steph finds out about what happened. Something about the newspaper, which is odd, because you don’t recall seeing the news there—honestly, much more crazy shit happens overnight in Gotham. Robberies are old news.

But either way, you can’t complain too much because you are appreciative of her coddling the next day, which includes, but is not limited to, ordering takeout, burrowing on your crappy couch together, and watching old 2000s movies.

The only thing missing is—

“He said he was busy but he sent me the money for takeout. To make up for it.”

You purse your lips but don’t say anything. That you don’t want his money. You just want—

Nothing.

“We don’t need him,” Steph says determinedly in the next second. Which is a departure from what she usually says—that you’ll see Tim eventually, that his work at WE will let up. You don’t have the energy to ponder why.

You sigh, sinking further into the couch. Steph is warm next to you. You can smell her shampoo. Jasmine.

“I guess not,” you concede in a mumble.

You can’t do anything but concede. After all, it’s your initial avoidance of him at the start of June that caused this, right? And he keeps dodging your calls, your requests to hang out—points in which you might’ve been able to clear the air, apologize for it, but… no.

It’s not like you could track him down. You know the apartments he lives in—down in Old Gotham, in a much more expensive building than your shitty one here in Coventry. But sometimes he spends time at the manor, too, up in Bristol and you can’t ambush him there. You couldn’t. That would be too much. Right?

Trying to find him at WE is a lost cause, too. Not just because they have three given locations throughout the city but because you wouldn’t know if he was in or not.

Or maybe you’re just looking for the easy way out.

Complicated.

Why does it have to be so complicated?

“You look tired.”

“Thank you, Red, because that’s what every girl loves to hear.”

“Just a simple observation,” he responds, leaning against the counter, eating a kolach. Your Slurpee cups sweat in the mid-June heat, creating rings of condensation on the scuffed and scratched counter. You watch a droplet slowly roll down, joining the ring of water.

Your eyelids are heavy, dragging with each blink. A dull headache reminds you of your restless sleep and you’re sure the bags under your eyes tell it to the world, too. To Red Robin, specifically.

He finishes his kolach, crumpling the wrapper in one hand, looking steadily at you all the while.

“What?”

“Is it because of what happened last week?” he asks and his voice is frightfully gentle in a way you are not emotionally prepared to deal with.

“No,” you say quickly. “It’s not that.”

The occasional nightmare bothers you but that’s normal. You can deal with that.

“Then?”

You shake your head. God, you are exhausted. You fold your arms on the counter and bury your face there.

It’s quiet for a minute.

The refrigerators hum at the back. The AC makes an odd clanging noise before it turns on. Somewhere outside, a dog barks.

“I’m a good listener,” Red hedges after a minute. “Or so I’ve been told.”

“It’s stupid,” you say, voice muffled.

“Why?”

“Because it’s, like, stupid twenty-year-old drama and not, I dunno, the latest rumors on drug trades.”

Red laughs. It’s a pleasant sound that makes something inside you unwind.

“You should be relieved to hear I am up to date on the latest rumors on drug trades. And also, believe it or not, I do like to talk about things other than crime.”

“Could’ve fooled me.”

A soft chuckle. It sounds almost affectionate.

“Come on. Whatever it is, it’s making you lose sleep. That’s not good.”

“Losing some sleep isn’t the end of the world.”

“I don’t know. Feels like it might be for you.”

You grunt, an old memory from Keystone niggling at you. You set it aside for the moment.

“It’s nothing,” you say eventually. “It’s just—nothing.”

“I don’t think it’s nothing,” he remarks. “But if you don’t want to talk about it now, that’s cool, too. If you ever do—”

“Dr. Red, to the rescue.”

He laughs. “Well, I’m not a licensed therapist and I can’t promise my advice is sound, either, so…”

“Don’t sue you?”

“Like you even could. But still, I’m here.”

You want to ask why but that might be too much for you right now.

You let yourself settle with some generic explanation, that he is obligated to ask that as a vigilante, as someone who is generally supposed to be concerned with the wellbeing of the citizens of this city. And also he is trying to prove some kind of point, so this is part of that.

“So,” you quickly say to change the topic. “What are the latest rumors on the drug trade?”

He laughs. “Wouldn’t you like to know?”

“You look tired.”

“Thank you, Flash, that’s exactly what I’d like to hear.”

“Just a simple observation,” he says, holding up his hands in a placating gesture.

“Well, rest assured, I have Tim and Steph on my case about it. They’ve both demanded a video call with me tomorrow despite me telling them I am alive and well. Apparently, just saying I’m alive isn’t reassuring. Can’t imagine why. That’s more than enough in Gotham…”

Mother hens, the both of them.

And Flash, too, apparently, though he does a better job of covering it up.

Off near the coffee machine, a melodic hum of Dancing in the Dark, the song currently playing lowly overhead, reaches you. You tune into it, the sound lulling you, both because it’s pleasant and because the song makes you think of Tim and his love for Bruce Springsteen (largely in honor of his late father, Jack Drake). Because of that, you totally miss Flash’s next words.

“—here? Oh, Jesus, Piper! Stop humming. You’re distracting her.”

“Oh, sorry!” comes the apologetic and still melodic voice of the Pied Piper. More normal now, though, letting you shake your head and focus again. Piper comes around the aisle, a big cup of coffee in hand; he gives you a handsome and apologetic smile that you wave off.

“It’s fine—what were you saying, Flash?”

He wiggles his fingers at you. “I’m just curious about those two, that’s all, since they seem very worried about you, oh, practically all the time. Not that it’s unwarranted, of course.”

“I’m fine, Flash.”

He gives you a look. “I don’t believe that but seems like they got it covered so, I’ll let it go. I’m still curious about them, though. What are we talking here? Boyfriend? Girlfriend? Both boyfriend and girlfriend? That’s cool, I don’t judge.”

“Are you—what? In regards to who?”

“You, obviously.”

You shake your head quickly. “No. No, absolutely not. Tim and Steph dated when they were teens, they’re exes. That’s weird.”

A bit of an uncomfortable discussion, too, if only because you are… too aware of your own attraction to Tim. A different kind of attraction. One that has you constantly admiring him. Or had you, back when you were in Gotham. With Steph, you know she is stupidly pretty but it doesn’t fluster you.

It's… nothing.

(It has to be nothing.)

“Feelings are a natural part of life, kiddo! Nothing weird about it. Have they been weird about it?”

“We’ve never even discussed the remote possibility of me dating either of them—because that would never happen in a million years.”

“Well, if they’re friends, then it shouldn’t be a problem. You don’t get many exes who can stay friends after a breakup. Right, Pipes?”

“It’s true,” he says easily, and, hold on a fucking minute, is… is the Flash implying that he and Piper dated?

“Yes, we did,” Flash answers and oh, you said that out loud, and this is… a bit of Flash lore that you aren’t sure you ever needed to know.

But still. He continues, shooting a grin at Piper. “And we’re still great friends! Me, him, and my wife!”

“Wife?” you choke out.

Great. More lore.

Piper rolls his eyes. “Flash.”

“Okay, I didn’t mean to give that away but it’s fine, we can trust her. She’s a friend.”

The words would be sweet if you still weren’t compartmentalizing the fact that he is actually married and… apparently dated the Pied Piper at one point. The Pied Piper who used to be part of the Flash’s rogue gallery, then reformed. Huh.

“You—” you point at him for good measure “—have a wife? Someone actually married you?”

Piper bursts out laughing. It’s a pleasant sound you could get lost in… No! Focus.

Flash looks affronted. “I’ll have you know I am excellent husband material!”

Piper, still chuckling, looks at you and gives a small shrug. “It is true. The superhero community isn’t very ripe with it, for reasons I’m sure you can figure out, so, Flash is a bit of a standout in that area.”

“Because the bar is low.”

“Not true,” Flash interjects. “Superman is married. You know how hard it is to compete with Superman? It’s hard. But I manage it. We’re nearly neck-and-neck in terms of husband material, I’d say.”

He ignores Piper’s snort of laughter and leans in conspiratorially. “But you know who isn’t married? Batman. He’s not husband material. He’s not even boyfriend material.”

You look at Piper, who shrugs. “Never met the guy, thankfully, but from what I’ve heard from Flash, I have to agree. The tall, dark, and broody thing can be attractive but—”

“He’s just a sourpuss,” Flash finishes. “No sense of whimsy whatsoever.”

“Oh, and you have that?”

Piper laughs as Flash sputters. “I can have fun! Why do you think I hang around you?”

You laugh. “That’s… Alright. Fine.”

Flash cocks his head suddenly, no doubt listening to the police frequency he tunes into. Piper fishes out a twenty for everything and tells you to keep the change. In the next moment, the both of them are gone, leaving you with a sharp gust of wind and arcing blue lightning that makes your skin break out in goosebumps.

Okay, then.

Your video call is the next day—Saturday—and it goes as well as you think it will.

“You look like shit.”

Steph is more blunt about it, but the sight of Tim’s grimacing face on your laptop screen shows he very much agrees.

“Thank you, my dear friends, it is lovely to see you, too, yes, I’m doing quite well, thank you. And you?”

“Okay, fair,” Tim says, holding up a hand, “but don’t lie and saying you’re doing ‘quite well.’ Someone doing ‘quite well’ doesn’t look as exhausted as you look.”

You narrow your eyes at him. “And you wonder why you don’t have a girlfriend.”

“Or boyfriend,” Steph tacks on immediately, not one to miss an opportunity to tag him.

He rolls his eyes. You shuffle around, freshly showered, looking around for your lotion, then remember it’s in the bathroom.

“Give me a sec,” you say to them, heading over to it.

The audio of the video call feeds out from the speakers of your laptop, so you can easily hear their next conversation.

“It’s so hard, isn’t it?” Steph asks

“What is?” comes Tim’s confused question.

“The urge to resist wiring her money. It’s written all over your face, duckie.”

“Like you don’t want to, either,” he shoots back.

A pause.

“Maybe we can—"

“I can hear you!” you call as you go back to your desk, bottle of lotion in hand. They look a tad sheepish as you settle in your chair. “And look, fine, I won’t say to a couple bucks—"

“Define a couple bucks,” Tim says.

“Max twenty—for dinner—” as soon as you say that, they’re both scrambling for their phones. You grimace. “Guys, come on, it’s not that bad.”

Tim gives you a concerned look. “Even your bags have bags.”

You blink. “Did you just… quote Spongebob?”

Steph grins in the other frame. “He’s finally cultured.”

Then they both return their focus to their phones.

A second later, yours chimes with notifications from Cashapp, twenty dollars from each of them.

“Guys… everything is fine.”

“No, it’s not,” Steph says stubbornly. “But that’s fine. You know you can rely on us, right? We’re friends. That’s what friends do. I know Timothy over here doesn’t always set the greatest examples for it—”

“Thanks, Steph.”

“You’re welcome,” she replies without missing a beat. “Anyway, let us help.”

“You’re already helping,” you soothe. “So, it’s okay. This semester is going to be tough but it’ll be worth it. And after this, it’ll be easier, okay? You guys are here now—”

“Not in a way that really matters,” Tim mutters.

“Which is not an invitation to come over here,” you warn—him, mostly. Steph would go along with it but he’d be the instigator.

They both pout.

You smile. Sometimes, it’s hard to handle the fact that you have friends like this. Friends who care so deeply, who love you so much, it feels hard to breathe. Because you know you love them just as much.

“I love you guys,” you say next, because you have to say it, they have to know; it’s hard for you, sometimes, just because it scares you, but after everything, you know how important it is for the people you love to know you love them.

They soften, echoing the words, and that’s enough for you.

Of course it is.

You don’t have much. No parents, no other family.

But you have them.

“What do you think you’re doing?”

A slow blink. “Updating Redbird’s security protocols?”

The garage of Tim’s townhouse smells sharply of oil and rubber. But he isn’t elbow-deep in the engine today, just seated off to the side, laptop perched on his lap and hooked up to its system. ‘Updating’ it. God knows why. The Redbird’s security protocols are just as stringent as the Batmobile’s.

Jason once regaled them with his plan, way back when, to blow it up. Bruce included. And how he went about it.

“It’s got safeguards like crazy, right? Even when it’s idle or shut down. Come up to it, fire a gun, launch a missile—doesn’t matter. Not gonna touch it before the security protocols kick in. It can sense you on thermal, air currents, video recognition, all of it.”

“So, how’d you get past it?”

“SEAL-grade wetsuit. Invisible to thermal with reflection fibers that play hell with video. But the biggest thing? Going slow. And I mean slow. Like five seconds per inch slow.”

The insane attention to detail and paranoia runs in the family, obviously.

Tim had sat in for that. Stephanie remembers the look on his face. Begrudging respect, combined with a familiar twitchiness that told her he was absolutely dying to run out and start updating his stuff.

Question everything. That’s what Bruce says.

Tim tries to separate himself from it. He really does. It gets tiring, exhausting, to live like that. But old habits die hard and his big brain precedes him sometimes. Wondering at the possibilities, at the million-in-one scenarios.

Ordinarily, Stephanie has more sympathy for him. Really. But right now, after your phone call about his little visit to Circle K…

She’s pissed.

“Don’t play dumb,” she says, crossing her arms tightly over her chest.

“What is it that I’m playing dumb about?” he asks, averting his attention back to his laptop, keys clacking quickly, pausing momentarily as he takes a swig of Red Bull.

She tells him.

At the sound of your name, he stops.

But now that she’s started, she can’t stop. “Visiting her? As Red Robin? What are you thinking, Tim?”

The clack of keys resumes. The set of his gaze on the laptop screen is very intentional now. Avoiding her.

“It’s nothing, Steph,” he says and she almost believes it. But she knows him, so she doesn’t. “It’s harmless.”

“So, why won’t you hang out with us? Her? Because I assume you’re also avoiding her individually.”

A little sigh. Impatient. “I’m not avoiding her. I really was busy. Have been busy. You know how the heat messes with the city.”

It’s the excuse that bothers Stephanie.

Tim is making some kind of choice here. Choosing to favor Red Robin over himself, over Tim Drake, and it makes no sense. Red Robin isn’t your best friend. He isn’t even your favorite vigilante. (Black Canary is. She agrees, though it would be nice for Spoiler to get some spotlight but that is neither here nor there.)

You know who is your best friend? (One of them, anyway.)

Tim freakin’ Drake.

Stephanie knows why he’s avoiding you all of a sudden. The connection will be too easy to make. It’s why she—as Spoiler—keeps her distance. Tucks away her hair, hides her face even more, when she and Cass visit Circle K.

Even though! They had talked about telling you. Stephanie wanted to tell you so badly. You know who her father is. Was. You know how her mom used to be like. You know everything and you never once judged. You were, to be sure, a bit wary of them—the vigilantes—but most were. You wouldn’t turn them away if you knew.

If there is anything Stephanie knows, it is that.

But then she went away to Metropolis for a week and a half and suddenly, he’s visiting you as Red Robin. And he’s not trying to ease you into it, not trying to help you latch onto some clues, to make it easier—because they’d discussed that, too!—he’s doing it because… Well, she doesn’t really know. But there is a reason. She knows that much. A big reason.

It makes no sense to her, considering his feelings. Complicates things unnecessarily. Especially with how he’s avoiding you because of it, because he apparently got cold feet on telling you the truth.

And it’s the excuse… it’s the excuse that pisses her off.

Their relationship, back when they were kids, had some questionable origins. It did. Stephanie did things she wasn’t proud of. He did things he wasn’t proud of. It was messy. She tries not to kick herself about it—about being a silly girl in love, awed at the attention of a boy like Robin, knowing he was dating a girl (Ariana Dzerchenko, her name was, she would later find) and making moves on him despite that, moves that he always, always went along with. Like two magnets that couldn’t help but fall together.

Don’t get her wrong! The blame is not solely on her. It’s on him, too. She shouldn’t have pushed. He shouldn’t have went along with it, knowing he had a girlfriend, too. He shouldn’t have held his knowledge of her identity over her head the way he did. He isn’t mean-spirited at heart but he had an advantage over her. He knew she was Stephanie Brown. She knew him only as Robin and nothing else. Not until later on that would change and that… that was another mess entirely.

But they were dumb and young. Stephanie tries not to hold it against herself. They know better now. She knows better now. Knows what she deserves.

But this feels too close to him crossing that line.

No, he has crossed that line.

Given one persona up for another.

Approaching you as Red Robin, while you know nothing of him, and doing god knows what…

Someone is going to get hurt.

Last time, it was him. The circumstances, Bruce’s unceremonious reveal of his identity to her—a mistake, an egregious overstep—it all culminated in Tim feeling betrayed. Betrayed that Bruce would reveal that to her without Tim’s say so, without even asking him if he was okay with her knowing. Betrayed that Stephanie went along with it.

This time?

Stephanie feels it in her bones.

The person who is going to get hurt is you.

You, clueless about these lives they lead, clueless as Tim monopolizes your time as Red Robin, all the while you have no idea it’s him. You, her best friend. Stephanie loves you to the end of the universe.

She doesn’t want to see you hurt.

The mere thought of it, of the potential fallout, leaves a sick feeling in the pit of her stomach.

“Steph. Steph, it’s fine.”

She blinks, coming back to herself. Tim is standing in front of her now, dark brows knitted together, blue eyes intent on her face. Concerned.

“You’re lying to her.”

“We’ve been lying to her.”

“Not like this,” she says quietly. “Not this way. You’re… This is too much, Tim. I don’t understand why you’re doing this. What happened?”

“Nothing,” he says. For what it’s worth, to anyone else, it sounds believable. But like she said. Stephanie knows him. For better or for worse.

And on that end, she also knows he is not going to budge. No matter how much Stephanie wants to drill this into him, grab him by the shoulders and make her point. Once he’s made a decision, he commits.

Or more like he’s dug himself into this grave and he doesn’t (can’t?) want to get out.

“This is a mistake,” she says. “And you know it. I just hope you actually try to fix it sooner rather than later. Because if you break her heart, I’m going to break something of yours.”

Stephanie loves Tim. He’s a great friend. They’ve had their ups and downs—even discounting their relationship—but they’re solid. They are.

But she loves you, too. So much so it sometimes feels like she’s going to burst with it. She’s never had something like that, like this, and in the end, she doesn’t want to choose, but Tim knows better. And because he knows better, you are her first priority.

Even worse, he doesn’t seem bothered by the threat. Relieved, if anything.

“I’m counting on it, Steph.”

Which is so unfair in so many ways (fix it, she wants to yell, don’t rely on me to come clean up when shit hits the fan—do it yourself!) but she’s had enough of this conversation and all the ways this can go wrong.

Maybe he will turn around. Maybe. Maybe, maybe, maybe.

But she doesn’t think so. He won’t. Not until the consequences of this, of his lies, of his excuses, come hit him in the face.

She wishes it weren’t like that—knowing what it will result in.

But some things you just can’t change.

She knows better with Tim.

She really, really does.

reblogs are appreciated!

taglist: @peachesona @knoxx-seresinbradshaw @kikis-writing-service @sweetistic @soundsfunbutno @ginevraxrogers @fridaenpina

[ask to be tagged! either in my inbox or here! ^_^]

#tim drake x reader #red robin x reader #dc comics imagine #tim drake imagine #red robin imagine #tim drake x you #tim drake x y/n #red robin x y/n #red robin x you #dc comics x reader #batfamily x reader #batfam x reader #batfam x you #batfam x y/n

388 notes · View notes

narwhalandchill · 1 month

Text

(certain genshin ships w ajax brief negativity lmao like this is gonna b real controversial im sorry. not an attack at anyone just my opinion here be gentle)

obviously disclaimer that if u like the pairings in question im not like canceling or attacking you personally or saying ur wrong for liking it or for not considering the more uhh iffy angle im abt to bring up in terms of how i personally always felt abt these ships, i have mutuals who rb stuff for these sometimes and its just a tag i have blocked its life it happens, im more so just overall commenting on the existence of the pairings to begin w, its not worth the drama its my opinionnn please keep that in mind but yeah

anyway ugh now w like capitano model preload stuff and some of the model comparisons being made (hes slightly bigger than the usual tall male apparently n childes model was used for the comparison) and the shippy comments being made abt it im gonna be honest chief. i do not. like. a single ajax x harbinger pairing like im sorry just how exactly is the age gap (and seniority. and experience. and power imbalance) not processing with ppl when it comes to these at all ??? 😭😭 hes the youngest appointed harbinger canonically and w perueres story we now know that was like. Literally 16 at most for him. and even if that wasnt the case and before it was confirmed. hes still been around the harbingers since he was a teenager bc of being pulcinellas protege idc if its like this convoluted argument of well he wouldnt really interact w them on an interpersonal relationship level before hes a bit older its just still so weird to me i just dont understand how any of these pairings became a thing 💀 like you think not being around him that frequently would stop the usual shipping suspects ppl favor with childe from seeing him as a literal kid either way???

arles literally the one exception here since theyre actually around the same age but those 2 have the ship chemistry of two noble gases JSKSKSLDOSOSKFL (= literally no reaction) . arle is a whole dyke that much is obvious.

like obviously its not like much can be done since pairings like scara are way too popular to be somehow halted on their tracks and the cap stuff will prolly have a resurgence as well now that hes getting a more tangible characterization in natlan but ughhhh. it also sucks bc i think ajax 100% has a crush on cap and its such a peak concept (the guy Absolutely played a part in childes bisexual awakening) but the idea of it being reciprocated on any level whatsoever just feels nasty to me im sorry 😭 my cap would Never its literally on the level of pairing him w skirk to me

also scara always felt strange to me solely based on the fact that he genuinely dislikes ajax lmao like. it feels ooc on principle afshsjsksidk but whens that ever stopped anyone i suppose. it lowkey feels like ppl just wanted a m/m harbinger pairing at any cost 💀 and i suppose scara being an immortal puppet wasnt like known early on so i suppose the ship becoming a thing in like 1.1 is fair enough? but still my current feelings wrt ajax age gap w the harbingers do stand

#and like. seriously when i say dont take this as a personal condemnation if u like these #i do mean it #as much chagrin as the ships themselves give me its not worth drama #ik im on that hater energy when it comes to fanon ooc w ajax but believe me that isnt whats happening here 😭#im just venting abt a view ik is highly unpopular when it comes to ajax ships on my wee blog pls be mindful #delete later #mby #rambles #genshin

16 notes · View notes

watatsumiis · 11 months

Note

neuvillette with patches of scales. discuss.

HELLO YES. YES. IM SORRY I LET THIS SIT FOR A WHILE IVE BEEN GATHERING MY THOUGHTS ON IT !!

heads up, i havent caught up with the 4.1 story quests or anything just yet, so apologies if anything is inaccurate/against canon <3

im a big advocate for "give more genshin characters blatantly inhuman features" honestly, and obviously neuvillette is no exception

i imagine that, like with the adepti and youkai (in my version of teyvat anyways), most creatures with the power to take on a human form have the ability to pick what physical attributes will be masked and what will be visible/tangible, however the drawback is that the more 'human' they look, the more 'human' they will be (something about divine powers being stored in that which is divine/inhuman, idk)

Neuvillette likes to appear at least human-passing on a surface level, so he keeps his 'inhuman' features to a minimum. His antennae/horns/handles/what-have-you allow him to pick up insanely subtle vibrations in the air that give him a bit of a better insight into how those around him are feeling. It gives him an empath sort of vibe, though he doesn't always know exactly what to do with the information he's given.

I feel like he definitely does have scaly patches, though they're much more prominent underneath his clothing. They tend to cluster around his soft, vulnerable parts as an extra layer of defense just in case something bad were to happen to him (he's aware that his place as the Iudex and his loyalty to the letter of the law causes a lot of people to hate him).

The ones on his back are a deep blue, almost black if it's dark enough, and his front ones are a very very very light blue with an iridescent sheen (like how sharks have light patches on their bellies so they blend in to prey from above). his 'stomach' scales tend to be larger, softer and rounder than his back ones.

I think there's a smattering of scales on the front of his neck that you can just see above his high collar if he cranes his neck enough - there's also scales on his wrists, chest, lower stomach, armpits, inner elbows and knees.

in addition to this, i imagine him having big, platelike scales all down his spine that almost overlap each other. im thinking potentially a snake's vertebral scales, but im also rather fond of how crocodile scales look. Sometimes these can cause a bit of grief for him, as they're fairly tough, thick scales and if he has a long day of sitting up straight while appearing in court, the added pressure can cause his back to ache quite badly.

If he were to take on a more 'monsterlike' form (like if he were threatened and immediately needed more access to his powers without fully transforming), this patch would sort of expand out into a big line of spines and fins (a little like what is pictured below, but bluer and bigger)

Accompanying the scales in his humanoid form, i imagine he has some vitiligo-like patches of lighter skin that are almost imperceptible unless you're really close thanks to his pale complexion. They tend to group towards his shoulders, back, stomach and legs. HOWEVER he also has bunches of them that are so small theyre almost like inverted freckles! (these are on his cheeks, arms, hands, across his collarbone, etc)

some of them may light up (like his horn thingies do!) when he's having trouble managing his emotions (usually anger, but they may also glow when he's really really happy! i like to think that intelligent water-dwelling creatures such as him have nonverbal ways of communicating underwater). On top of that, they also glow under blacklights!

Anyways, this got a fair bit longer than intended and is a little all over the place - thank you to anybody who took the time to read this, and thanks Arden for sending in the ask, it was a delight to infodump about! :D

Please don't repost, steal, copy or otherwise plagiarise my writing! I do not consent for my works to be translated and posted elsewhere, or copy - pasted into bot or AI technology.

#asks #general barks #neuvillette #neuvillette headcanons #headcanons #discussion #genshin headcanons #genshin discussion

31 notes · View notes

ronancebyler · 4 months

Note

Ronance headcanons?

oh my goodness of course i do hehehehe (if you cant tell I love them)

i am ignoring the canon plot and using the bits that are convenient to me because I do what I want

Before Robin realized she liked Nancy, she truly didn't understand the deep level of fury she felt against Jonathan. It made no sense because they were friends and she had so much fun with him! Except whenever him and Nancy were together suddenly she had the urge to rip her hair out

Nancy figured her feelings out before Robin did. I know this is controversial and I do agree Robin fell first Nancy fell harder. However, I think the fear of falling for someone who she loves and cares for very much who if Nancy finds out Robin could lose her both from being a lesbian and for being in love with her, just manifests in denial. This is also compounded by the fact that she's convinced she likes Vickie who conveniently is out of reach and (presumed) straight, so if Vickie wasn't into her she wouldn't be risking as much since she's not planning to confess in the first place

Nancy on the other hand very quickly figured it out. After losing Barb, her fear manifested less in denial and more as an overdrive of all her emotions because if she doesn't figure it out quickly she might lose Robin before she could even say a word, so the moment she falls she figured it out then and there. She doesn't want another situation where she didn't tell a person she loves how much they mean to her

that night she had a panic attack that was BRUTAL like she sobbed for hours realizing she's probably going to have to choose between being true to herself and a relationship with her parents. she already knew she liked girls, she figured it out after barb's death, but liking someone new felt so tangible. robin heard her crying and didn't ask, just sat with her for the rest of the night tracing her thumb in circles on her palm

A fluffier one: Nancy plans to confess but Robin does it before she does on accident. Like she's just talking about journalism and how much she enjoys investigative journalism and Robin is just like "I'm in love with you." My assumption is that Robin had already come out to her beforehand but she was just horrified. Nancy was shocked but then was like "you beat me to it <3"

Nancy had not come out to Robin yet, she was planning to do it with her confession, and she had already talked to Eddie (platonic soulmates edancy lover till I die) and talked to Steve so she was prepared but Robin was just FLABBERGASTED

this girl has the most godawful gaydar known to mankind so despite nancy staring at her with heart eyes on a daily basis she was in shock

hAND KISSES I WILL NOT STOP WITH THE NANCY GIVING HAND KISSES HC

wrist kisses too her favorite thing to do is hold robin's fingers or pulse against her lips and just feel her warmth

robin is really warm, unreasonably so, and nancy is really cold

they both love shoving their noses into each others neck and just breathing in each others smells

robin loves rubbing the fact that she's dating nancy fucking wheeler into people's faces

"you're better at me then this???? well I pulled nancy wheeler stevie!! and I actually kept her unlike you so shut up"

her and eddie are constantly at war at who her favorite person is

"you already have stevie this is MY emotional support comphet fruit"

robin hangs over her shoulders while she writes and just reads her words

there was a solid bit of time that robin thought eddie and nancy were together. she accidentally asked them and triggered the longest giggle battle she has ever seen seen

bisexual nancy or lesbian nancy, she's filled with so much comphet

fully convinced that romantic feelings for guys and platonic feelings for girls felt the same

sometimes she feels guilty and feels like she's 'replacing' barb but the feeling lessens by the day

robin gets anxiety attacks every once in a while and nancy knowing exactly what to do when it happens really calms her down. like it reminds her that the person she loves is the most capable ever

robin loves nuzzling herself into nancy's stomach because cold and nice

poor, poor steve. the amount of rants he's heard from both sides

"nancy is so amazing and cool!" "robin is so pretty when she talks <3"

Mostly Robin for obvious reasons but jfc it's concerning at this point

that poor man needs to start charging per hour at this point

I will never shut up if I keep going so I'll cut it off right here.

#im infected with cant stfu about robin and nancy disease #i love them you guys <33 #virgil shut up challenge #ronance #since i have a fairly inconsistent upload schedule this is your reminder that I am pirating s5 <3 #we will not be supporting n*ah schn*pp in this household do not worry #and any of the other people working on the show because ik there are multiple who are z**nists #any arguments about this will not be responded to <3 #platonic edancy #virgil responds #hc anon

17 notes · View notes

springtrappd · 8 months

Text

it being a bad-at-words day means that i am not exactly up for presenting my thoughts in any kind of cohesive or organised order atm, so you'll have to forgive this stream-of-consciousness, fresh off hitting both endings summary of my thoughts on hw2, but here goes:

this game is up with totk for the most reluctant positive reviews i've ever given, and it's for much the same reason -- that totk feels largely disconnected from its predecessor, focused almost entirely on its gameplay while pretending that it has any story worth the effort at all. unlike totk, hw2 is not a ground-breaking flex of how far a dev team can push the limitations of the medium (and the game itself), nor is it trying to be. it is an indie horror vr game, taking its cues from earlier titles like job simulator with its arcade-like, pick-up-and-play approach to level design and the scenarios found within. it is also an incoherent mess.

okay, that's being a bit hyperbolic, but like -- stop for a second, and think about the climactic moments of this game, the big things you're gonna be discussing over social media for the next couple of months. what are they? well, they're glitchtrap, the mimic, vanny, moon, cassie -- they're the conclusions to sb's (and much more specifically, ruin's) story, an add-on to those that adds a little flavour to those existing works. okay, now think about how this game was marketed. who is on the cover? who was in the initial teaser? where is the game's hub set? well, it's pizzasim and sl, of course -- funtime freddy in the centre of the box art, a warning menu that explicitly references the pizza place and a hub world set within it. there's a split down the middle in every single aspect of the game, with ruin on one side and the other shit on the other, and i mean in every aspect of the game.

you have pizzaplex collectibles sat next to the grimy, cartoonish abominations of pizzasim, you have the vanny mask put next to helpy, a fazerblaster with the trash gang -- the neon lights of the pizzaplex next to the dark underbelly of circus baby's rentals, the glowing daycare positioned in parallel to the halloween-y fun of the carousel; it's a lesson in dissonance, a game where you can draw a line down the middle of its level select and split it into two halves with wildly different directions. you can argue that this was intentional, that the juxtaposition is the point; that it is intentional that funfred is at the centre of the box art with absolutely zero new lines, that you're comparing the old and the new in equal measure. this is a wasted argument, considering the secret ending of the game literally has you step into the circus baby's elevator only to twist-reveal that you're actually in the pizzaplex.

that's not to say that i think this was something done out of malice; i'm not in the business of projecting my feelings onto game devs, and most grand conspiracies have far, far simpler explanations. no, the simple answer for what happened here is that they are two different games stitched together. it explains the strange vibe of the early pizzaplex levels, the way any vague plot threads feel half-shaped and empty -- like you're only looking at the edges of a puzzle, the bones of a meal without its meaty centre. and by bones, i mean bones, because to say this game has a plot is to, well, lie -- it very much does not, right up until you complete everything and it goes "oh shit, uh, have a crumb?" and then vanishes into the night. it's confusing the way that sb is, except this time it's polished enough to be intentional, which is, i'm gonna be honest, really not the lesson to be taking from sb.

like, hw1 has a plot. more than that, it has a goal that -- while separated from the primary, player-driven one of 'complete all levels' -- is one that begins from the very first scene, and heavily incentivizes exploration and replaying; the tapes are a physical, tangible goal that you know how to get more of -- it's just the process of getting to that that might take some extra help. tapes are hidden in levels, go find them, flip the switch to go into hard mode, have fun! it's very, very simple, and it works; you are very, very likely to find a tape at some point during a blind playthrough, and from there pull and pull on that plot thread until you fish up your reward. and that reward is, yes, a plot -- the story of the indie game studio being caught in a trap is, however simple it is, a narrative with progression and stakes and characters. there is an antagonist! can you believe! hell, there's even a little twist in the form of tape girl's instructions not working as intended.

by contrast, the fazforce figures and fazwrench are at no point explained and the player is given zero information for how the fuck you're meant to get further with those. helpy doesn't go "here's your reward for doing so well! :)" or update your clearance or anything -- you just... get given it when the game decides you do, which also has the fun byproduct of blocking your access to hard mode content until you hit whatever invisible trigger the game sets for you. no more can you just clear out the levels you're actually interested in playing; now you have to do everything, blindly tackling as much as you can until the game sees fit to throw you a bone -- and then the steps for getting to hard mode are 1) ruin themed 2) a single poster that says to take off your mask. and, like... what fucking mask, dude? maybe i'm just stupid, but i spent way too long squinting at the screen trying to figure out if this was about to pull a ds-era gimmick on me and make me take off my headset. instead you have to physically reach up and take on and off the mask every single time, which doesn't sound that bad until you're smacking the giant computer strapped to your face to go between levels... and if the hard mode hub wasn't so fucking dull. it's sb's wrecked pizza place, big whoop (oh hey, look, it's that "using the other games to do a surprise ruin reveal" thing again. sure hope that's not common!) -- you ever actually sat in blacklight mode? that shit feels like a fever dream. unmasked mode feels like proving you're enough of a big boy to handle the actual game now, please.

and i'm getting off-topic, but what i'm getting at is that good fucking god does hw2 make understanding what it wants from you as hard as possible while also giving you absolutely nothing in return. collect the voltron reference to get the ending! why? uhhhh, fuck you, collect the memory plushies of the og missing kids to get the secret ending! why? uhhhh, fuck, wait, how does this tie back into ruin again?

and if you think this is just a me-problem, or that this is just some unclear progression -- you are wrong. the entire game is like this. in a classic steel wool studios moment, the tutorial cards are utter dogshit and do nothing to explain how anything actually works. it is Bad. (and i've mentioned it before, but while the idea of the memory plushies is really, really cool, their execution is another symptom of that 'oh fuck we have to make more game now' problem)

and speaking of unclear direction -- god, does it show in the aesthetics of this one. say what you will about hw1 (and i will, and probably have), but god does it know exactly what it is, what it is doing and how it is going to do it. hw1 is a masterclass in good environmental design, with its absolutely massive hub set against the cramped, claustrophobic quarters the entire game takes place in -- it's achingly empty, with dust particles swirling through the air and the gentle crackle of the anomaly peering through the only sound. no, seriously, hw1's hub is silent -- you can tell when glitchtrap is behind you because his audio cue has a bit of distortion at the start, which absolutely slices through the quiet when you get too used to it. from the title screen to the hub to the gameplay itself, it is a game that teases you with its own limitations, sitting by your shoulder with a giggle and a made you look; the threat is always, always there, be it in the looming figures or the space itself. everything about it is dark and grimy and aged, its bulky monitors and massive cables putting you in a retro mindset before ripping it out under you with the reminder that you are in vr -- and even then, the way it talks about it is strange, its sci-fi ideas coached in aged terms; "using proprietary technology developed by Fazbear Entertainment, our VR development teams were able to use vintage control board, almost like plug and play, digitally recreating performances and personalities from the past in an instant," the handunit says.

"help wanted is sooo good at making you feel unsafe in The Fucking Menu," i wrote way back in 2022, barely through the first quarter of the game; its use of atmosphere to build horror was something i immediately picked up on, and pops back up every time i think about the game. it's central to its identity, and best exemplified in the presence of foxy in title screen -- a looming figure who just... stands there, behind you. a threat never followed through. they supply the scare; you're the one who jumps.

"I remember watching markiplier play it for the first time and I was convinced something was going to jumpscare you in the main menu," my beloved bestie mikhail said. i agreed. so does the majority of gameplay footage out there.

in hw2, every single time you boot the title screen, you are greeted by a forced jumpscare of circus baby appearing behind you.

every single bit of hw1 is oozing with style, from foxy being hidden behind you on the title screen to the death messages to the occasional interjections from the handunit to the prize room to the pre-level room (which is on the stage!) to whatever the fuck this is to the absolute fever dream that is blacklight levels.

while hw2... does not have that. one of the little details from hw1 that i've mentioned before is just... the clock on the monitor. in hw1, you start the game at 11:44pm, with every tape you collect progressing forward a minute until you hit the merge ending, setting it to 00:00 (midnight). the level select screen in hw2 features a similar clock, which was what prompted me to make the post i'm referencing here in the first place. i expected them to do something equally cute with it. they did not. it's just a clock set to 12:00am, because it's a computer and those do that. and that is, i think, the best summary i can give of the difference in environmental design philosophy between these two entries. that they never expected you to look at all.

in terms of actual gameplay? it's probably the most polished a steel wool game has ever been, which is great! i only had one level actually truly bug out on me (fazerblast fnaf2), which is a marked improvement from... well, let's just leave it at that. the game design itself is also very good, with gameplay loops that feel fun and intuitive (most of the time) -- significantly less steel wool shit this time around, which is nice. the job simulator focus, however, means that this is a horror game that's very light on the horror, with very few levels that actually have that creeping tension hw1 was so good at. some of the sb levels manage it (with the staffbots and djmm leaning in so close, or glamfreddy snapping out at you, or... anything with moon) -- but most of them don't, which sucks. notably, these are all the front-loaded levels, with all the real spooky shit shoved into the right side of the monitor... where all the pizzasim and sl stuff is, and we've hit that "these are two different games" thing again.

the first level you are presented with in hw1 is a recreation of fnaf1's first night. the first level you are presented with in hw2 is arts and crafts with sun. (and i'm counting it as the first level because native english speakers will automatically look to the top-left of an image/page/screen, and they're not only the primary target audience but the majority of the dev team as well.)

and i've been typing for two hours and my brain is starting to form a vanny-shaped puddle on my bedroom floor, but what all of this builds up to is what is ultimately wrong with ruin, and the tales from the pizzaplex, and security breach as a whole: the idea that the solution to a problem is to throw more ideas at it, focusing on always moving forward over filling all your holes and tying off your threads. the response to the catastrophic release of sb was not to finish what they started, but to build something completely different next to the gaping hole that was sb's plot, and that's not good... anything, but storytelling most of all, and it's how you hit the situation that we're in now: where there are no stakes, no antagonist, nowhere to go and nothing to look forward to. just an empty shell waiting for your money to fill it. and yeah, that's kinda standard for fnaf, except not really? like, guys, fnaf1 had a narrative arc. fnaf4 onwards has had actual characters, with personalities and motives and ideas, and the two most narrative-heavy fnaf games are the ones front-and-centre of this one!

except... in the secret ending of hw2, after you get bait-and-switched from sl to the pizzaplex, you're dumped inside a claw machine and watch as a giant vanny takes glitchtrap in her hands and crushes him into dust. the primary antagonist of hw1, the villainous face of that soft reboot -- taken out back and replaced by the new antagonist. the one we were introduced to in the same game, who keeps having her lines cut and her role shrunk down into nothing and the focus shifted away from until it's time for a new stinger. why did she do this? why is this happening? what does this mean, going forward? no, seriously, who the fuck is the mimic? -- none of that matters, because that isn't actually the point. the game looks you in the camera of the giant computer strapped to your face and says, that era is dead. we're starting a new one.

but really, it says nothing at all.

#speaking!#hw2 spoilers #long post #discourse #ohhhhh my hands hurt #my brain is mush #hopefully this makes sense

8 notes · View notes

thewritingcoroner · 10 months

Text

WIP Update Tag

Hi everyone! Sorry for dropping off the face of the earth for the last month or so! I didn't get much writing done this month. At least not on original work. Anyway, I was tagged by the lovely @blind-the-winds to update everyone on my wips! So here goes!

At The Moon's Whim: I've done mostly nothing on any of my wips except for At The Moon's Whim. I've mostly finished draft 1 of Chapter 1, and begun chapter 2, which I will share an excerpt from a little later.

I've been worldbuilding with this wip and doing a little bit of plot outlining. I've somewhat figured out the route that Bellamy and Alessandra take to get to where they need to go, but what happens there is a little more difficult to figure out. I know that they travel to point A, but along the way there needs to be a delay so that they can meet side character A and develop a dynamic that sets the scene for their eventual romance.

I also need to introduce the political strife and begin weaving the side plots through my outline so that I know what needs to happen as I go. However, I'm running into roadblocks as I brainstorm. Namely, what sideplots I want to include that would best serve the themes, and what those themes really are, how I feel about them, and what exactly I want to say about them.

I also have building an entire theocracy from the ground up on my list of to-do's. There's a part of me that wants to model the theocracy on Christianity, but another part of me would rather build my own religion and explore religious concepts on my own. But the temptation of criticizing the majority religion of my current home and exploring the experiences of out groups and religious minorities in a society where those differences are tangible really draws me in. Especially now as we gear up to celebrate Christian holidays here in the US and as campaigning for the next political election ramps up. This cycle I'm in a southern state with a very powerful Christian faction and it is definitely a thing on the top of my mind right now.

So, those are the things I've been working on wrt At The Moon's Whim. As yall can see, it's mostly conceptual work rather than drafting. But I do have a little excerpt for you!

Bellamy let the queen have one last ounce of dignity and turned away while she changed her clothing. Alessandra struggled briefly with the ties, but once she'd fully dressed, Bellamy took a certain glee in tossing the surely expensive dress into the standing water of her cave hideout. Alessandra glared at her, a heat to her expression that absolutely tickled Bellamy. "You're enjoying yourself." Bellamy attempted that charming smile she leveled at pretty women in taverns, the one that always seemed to fluster them and lure them in. Perhaps, this time, Bellamy simply leered at the queen. "I am." She winked and pushed past the queen towards the vines hanging between the cave and the seaside. "Come along, Your Majesty. We ought to get moving before the Royal Guard finds the both of us. An ousted queen and a thief with a purse full of stolen gold, what a pair!"

Tagging with no pressure: @gloriafrimpong @nanashi23 @tisiphonewolfe @magic-is-something-we-create @oh-no-another-idea

#writeblr #amwriting #writblr #writers of tumblr #tag game #writer friends #wlw fiction #wip excerpt

4 notes · View notes

sh4tt3rg1rl · 9 months

Note

GOOD…UH…4 AM TO YOU

I HAVE THOUGHTS

TIME TO SCREAM THEM

So, uh, guess who made a scene continuation/extension for “Sun-abstraction bad ending”

Would you like to hear it

SHWHSJCKSJSJDIDJSJJD ALL THE SHIPS WITH MY CHARACTERS ARE BEING REALLY CUTE RN *SOBS* I CANNOT I CANNOT

One of these days I really need to make a color key for my text colors. Because I actually put a lot of thought into those. For example, all the new characters/“the dnd people” have a secondary color in common once they end up in the circus, but their primary color remains consistent with what it was beforehand. Or how dusk’s domain all have bolded regular text. Witches all have bold chat font. Kit’s voice will turn orange depending on how much she’s in control/how “human” she is. Etc.

TW: depresso espresso, like Easton levels of depresso espresso

….So I made a character. Again q.q

The Depths has been wanting for an “avatar” for a while. Almost every other major area either has its personification or is populated with them. Compass and the manor have Northeast. Candleton is populated, but also has Alpenglow and Ciapollo (yeah I made up that ship name on the spot). The lake doesn’t, but we’ve seen the lake less than the Depths. I was apprehensive to try and make one because Alpenglow kind of took on that role for a while, but I decided to heck it and made this guy anyways. It also gives me an excuse to ramble about just what the depths is supposed to be.

So, as evidenced by how blue it all is, the depths start out as the manifestation of Easton’s…problems. Depression on hypothermia-filled steroids. It was supposed to be a minor “hey, uhhhhhhhh so what happened to these two was really serious and here’s a very tangible demonstration of that” for Sun. That begs the question on whether Northa has her own part of the woods, but that’ll come later.

Anyways, that’s nice and all, but then Alpenglow showed up.

She ended up permanently changing how I made the depths function, because her abandonment problems made it so that she’d be most vulnerable to something that claimed to love her. But for something to claim to love her, it’d need to be at least on a basic level of sentience. So I made the depths just a lil bit alive and moved on.

WELP NOW IT’S A LOT A BIT ALIVE

Meet…Ah, well, I don’t have a name for him yet.

I’ll just call him A.

A is what happens whenever a child personifies the woods so much that Dusk’s domain’s rules and mechanics allow it to create itself a personification. A is a manifestation and metaphor of…the freaking suicide woods, but Alpenglow’s “the depths loves me” greatly changed his personality, from presumably being something similar to Mix at his lowest to something more along the lines of Easton but very lonely and more hyperactive. He absolutely adores talking to people, and will actively help people through the woods with his lantern. He’s honestly just a sweetheart, but probably has severe problems because he is also THE SUICIDE WOODS so that’s probably not fun on his mental health, eh?

Also he gets a scarf. Aww.

Northa’s part of the woods also exists! It makes you feel incredibly small and helpless, and will generally recreate the feeling of being a lost child in a world that hates you. If there is a place of safety from this, it’s probably a similar “sugar-covered trap” to the blue depths’ “just give up and go to sleep”. Does it have an avatar? Probably. Would its avatar and that of the depths be a ship? Knowing me? Probably.

Yeah that’s it no I’m not gonna ramble about the personification of mental illness or what happened to that dnd group except to say that even with the lore dump you do not know the full story of what happened….

BYE-YA

I got so much out of this but for some reason my brain is fixating on how dusk's domain has a personified aokigahara. WHAT.

#tw suicide mention #IM SCREAMING???

3 notes · View notes

freerangeranger · 1 year

Note

//I just gotta say you do a fuckin AMAZING job writing honey!!! She's such an interesting character and

//honestly her during this whole arc has been pretty relatable in a way jdhdndg

//can't imagine how hard it was to like , explicitly show all the way up to this where everything had been let loose that she was still just so angry at him underneath it all, even if she was still having fun and making fun of bell light-heartedly and I've never seen anyone really just .capture that before especially in such emotional accuracy

Ooc:

So when I read this yesterday you gave me the equivalent of human zoomies for an hour when I was supposed to be going to bed. Thank you so much for your kind words. I'm blushing. This is the nicest thing anyone has ever said to meeee. (⁄ ⁄•⁄v⁄•⁄ ⁄)⁄

I go over my 'breakdown' of this arc below the break, but please know that I love all of you and thanks so much for enjoying my gal. She means a lot to me. I'm glad my mental process comes through in her words and actions.

Also If you want more lighthearted stuff - I have a few more Amy roasts to go through so Do Not Worry we will flambae this man yet.

I am also gonna write this warning here as well - Content Warning for death, implied suicide, abandonment, animal abuse, pokemon abuse and generally uncomfortable topics to think about.

Honey could be charitably called a 'self insert' - although she looks nothing like me and we do have differing opinions on a lot of topics. From my experience with TTRPGs and running them for 7 years I find the greatest advice I can give to anyone both old and new is to put pieces of yourself into your oc's. This is two-fold for importance.

1) It fleshes them out and makes you like them. If you have a character with similar morals and goals to yourself it is much easier to relate to them and makes you actually want to continue - you know - playing them. Honey has many traits that I don't. But we do share a deep love for people (and pokemon but her love is much more tangible than mine). She has a strong sense of fair play and is stubborn to a fault, which is something a lot of people can relate with. Her flaws are the same as her strengths and that makes her feel alive.

2) The second part is - in my humble opinion - more important. You know how they Feel. Emotions are a fickle thing in roleplay. You have to be very good at separating fiction from reality. It helps a lot when you are in constant communication with the people you are creating the story with.

When I was writing Honey over the course of this arc, I noticed that I started getting agitated - not from myself - but when I put myself in Honey's shoes. And after some contemplation I could realize why. This whole situation reminded me of those "Don't Drink and Drive" TV ads where the owner of a dog leaves, promising to come back. For a few moments you get a horrible sinking feeling because you know that this is an ad for drunk driving. But the dog doesn't. But after a few shots the person returns! All's well that ends well. You get your catharsis because that's a bit too dark a subject for daytime tv.

But I always wondered what would happen if the person never came back.

Dogs and cats are pretty smart all things considering. But how would this sort of thing affect a creature that has a higher level of intelligence? Little kids don't have a super great grasp on death - and I assume that most pokemon (there are exceptions to the rule) have the emotional and mental capacity of around a 3 year old. But you can also verbally explain death to a child when they are old enough. How do you explain to a ratatta that their trainer passed away?

This has never been stated explicitly until recently but Honey does have a slightly longer relationship with Amy than is immediately apparent. Especially with his pokemon. She cares about them and understands them to some degree. She knows roughly their emotional intelligence and ability to grasp abstract concepts. Honey has no illusions that Maxx, Beetroot and a handful of Amy's other pokemon are smart enough to connect the dots if he up and vanished. Some of them might even hold a grudge or mourn his loss.

But she knows there are also many pokemon in his care that aren't smart enough to understand. Bruno in particular - who is arguably the pokemon Honey is most emotionally attached to. Bruno is a strange case because he has a very good memory. He remembered Honey at the wedding by smell alone; a solid 3-5 years after they first met. Honey had a decent impact on his life but her influence is nothing compared to how much he cares about Bellamy.

So you have a perfect storm - A pokemon smart enough to remember people and has object permanence but not smart enough to understand the possibility of death or the idea that their human - who they love more than life itself - is never going to come back home. Thinking of that mental image - Bruno sitting alone at the door waiting for Amy forever - is basically the sole reason for her anger.

There is compounding issues of course. Did Amy even think to put all his Pokemon in his will? Would his current funds allow each of them to live in the lifestyle they are accustomed to? How many of them could stay together? Would they all have to be adopted out to other people? How many of them are at risk solely because they were the Pokemon of TV icon 'Professor Wild Days'?

Maybe Amy has plans in place for if that were to ever happen. But Honey doesn't know. She thought Amy was more prepared than that but the fact he just marched into the Cold Storage with no plan and without any proper backup has seriously shaken her faith in his ability to consider the longstanding ramifications of his actions.

So when Honey says 'I am pissed' what she really means is 'I am scared that you don't care about yourself enough to realize that your family is still here and depends on you. I'm scared that you aren't living for them. And that makes me angry on their behalf.' This is something I also deeply care about. The greatest thing that helped me in my darkest periods of my life is remembering the creatures that depend on me. Not the humans in my life; but the pets and animals that need me because if I disappear I don't know what will happen to them.

... That's pretty dark and serious. But it's also a damn good reason to be angry.

#ooc post #irl pokemon #rl pokemon #pokeblogging #asks #cw death #cw implied suicide #cw abandonment #cw animal abuse #cw pokemon abuse #cw depression #cw high stakes pokeblogging #honoria lore

9 notes · View notes

kdinjenzen · 4 years

Note

I normally don't break my blog's character in asks but I'm gonna make an exception here. How can you continue to support and advertise, in good conscience, for a company that has repeatedly baited and insulted its LGBT+ fanbase? Especially after they had Robyn basically lie about Clover's supposed flaws to berate Qrow - and on a meta level the audience that were mourning the representation they were explicitly promised - for feeling sad about his death?

So I appreciate the fact that you felt strongly enough about this to break your blog’s character in asks to bring this to my attention by answering this as openly and honestly as I can.

Firstly, Clover was never written as gay. Never. Not for a single second in his conception was Clover ever intended to be a love interest for Qrow nor was Clover ever written as a gay man. Period.

Secondly, Clover was never ever stated to be “explicitly promised” representation for the mlm community. That is an entirely untrue statement with no actual basis for truth behind it. There’s no documentation of this anywhere, there’s no draft where he was, none of that is true at all in any way, shape, or form.

Third, I have also stated many times that I do understand how a misunderstanding in how the audience perceives a character vs what the actual written intent was can hurt, saying that I’ve felt that burn before, and very much understanding how a fandom can feel a bit upset by it. But the fact that various creators, for many shows, have come forward to say “hey, not the intention” - such as the case with many folks feeling Jenny was trans-coded in My Life As A Teenage Robot, which actually took the creator 21 YEARS to actually acknowledge that fact despite it being spoken of many times - and expressed their concerns and understanding toward those communities affected by it... shows a sign of actually caring. Of which many folks working on this show did the same thing and did so immediately after the first sign of the misunderstanding.

Fourth, as the voice of a character that is a blatantly stated and explicitly promised bit of representation for an entirely underrepresented community of people it’s extremely frustrating to see a character that was never intended to be seen as and surely was never ACTUALLY written as a representation for a marginalized group of people being held up as an example of representation while my own character, who actually is a real example of representation, being constantly demonized and overlooked.

Fifth, the cast and crew of the show (including myself) have received more death threats about this than I think most of you care to actually acknowledge. Am I saying that you, specifically, issued any of those threats? No. But the fact that a lot of folks just forget that that happened is pretty telling to me.

So you asked “How can you continue to support and advertise, in good conscience, for a company that has repeatedly baited and insulted its LGBT+ fanbase” ... the answer is because the actual representation for the LGBTQIA+ community that was explicitly stated and promised was actually handled incredibly well, had time and care put into it, was thought about from concept, to design, to casting, to written dialogue. And that representation was not hidden, not coded, but bluntly stated both by creators outside of and inside of canon, and proudly on display in the show.

The final big reason that I can firmly state all of these things? Is because this isn’t just a fictional situation. The people behind the scenes making this show possible actually stood up, stood by, and have put more effort into actually supporting the LGBTIQA+ community than most folks will ever even know or see. In a very real and tangible way these people have physically fought for the rights of people like me to be able to do what I do and, more importantly, to actually be able to live my actual real life with less fear of being actually harmed.

To top it all off, I’m deeply hurt by how things are said by the fandom some days.

I see all the comments saying May isn’t good rep because she doesn’t look or sound manly enough to be a trans woman and that Joanna or Robyn looks more trans than May does and worse being said about her.

Clover being mlm was always just a head canon that the fandom leaned into, it was never ever stated to be canon at any point during the production of the show or creation of the character.

I do understand the hurt that some folks feel about it, trust me I do, but I’ve received death threats over this head canon while actually having put time, effort, and part of myself into actual on-screen representation ... having had that real work ignored with me and my co-workers continuously being harassed despite not a single shred of tangible evidence to back up the reason for the harassment.

TLDR:

Clover was never intended to be seen as gay, ever, and the fact that the fandom latched onto this head canon and has pushed it that it was always actually canon, in a very negative way, has only harmed both the fandom and staff.

Having a head canon is great, I love them, but seeing a creator (or group of creators) explicitly come out and debunk that head canon as to not spread a toxic and hurtful message that could easily spiral out of control and blatantly ignoring it because it doesn’t fit in with your own narrative does not make that head canon into canon and will only make getting actual intended representation for that group much harder in the future.

It is desperately hurtful to have poured so much work into having a character that is actually a representative (and a promised one at that) of a marginalized group entirely ignored by the community because of a head canon for another character, and in doing so has only made that (very rare) bit of representation feel ironically invisible.

3K notes · View notes

reachexceedinggrasp · 3 years

Note

I would love to hear your thoughts on why you like the Twelfth Doctor and Clara, individually and together, if you feel like talking about it! I've only seen what amounts to now half of New Who, Nine, Ten and Eleven, and I've been watching Twelve and wow. He's really special. Eleven is like the opposite of Twelve, he's so underhanded, yet Twelve is like generous even when he's harsh. It's so funny how different they are. What romantic beats do Twelve and Clara hit for you?

Haha sorry if that's a really broad question. I've been through your Tumblr tag for the pairing already lol. For a more specific question, what do you like about Twelve more than the other Doctors? And how does the Doctor and Clara compare to other ships you ship? Hope you are having a great day, I love your blog!

Oh, so you've already seen my Whouffaldi Text and Subtext dissertation. When I read your first ask, I was going to just lead with that lol.

I don't know if you read all my tag rambles where I talked a bit about some of this, but I'll try to explain why it's such a Ship of Dreams for me. There was actually a hurdle I had to get over, because my parents raised me on lots of Classic Who, so it did feel really weird to ship the Doctor. Just because I imprinted on it super young and related to him as a kind of avuncular figure lol. I know there's a whole wank about this in the fandom and a lot of old school fans are hardcore NoRomo and regard him as a totally non-sexual being, but the show has never supported that reading. (The First Doctor is not only travelling with his granddaughter- who is never implied not to be his literal, biological granddaughter- he also dated an Aztec woman and even flirts occasionally. All the Doctors flirt with the possible exception of Two. Four/Sarah Jane is borderline explicitly romantic.)

Anyway. That reluctance aside, this pairing is very nearly tailor-made to be Relevant to My Interests.

Because it's the 'unlikely on the surface' thing where they are from such vastly different worlds and have such vastly different frames of reference. He's a nigh-immortal prickly alien who is a weird combination of selfish trickster god and ethical paragon, who is always some degree of abrasive and impatient in every version of himself despite the fathomless well of compassion he has for all forms of life. The Doctor is always both a child and an ancient world-weary old man, which makes him a very complicated person to have a serious relationship with, even a platonic relationship. He's difficult. Where Clara is a normal adult with a normal maturity level and a primary school teacher ability to turn on a friendly, upbeat, nurturing social persona. People take her to be sweet and simple at first glance. They seem an odd match on the surface.

And I love a pairing where people on the outside can't imagine how it happened. I like when you can't judge the book by its cover. They slot into my broader Beauty and the Beast archetype (which really describes 99% of my ships in some capacity).

But even more so than that, they have a tangible, adult connection which is very grounded and real, but they are also this epic, all-encompassing, universe-destroying, can-be-contained-only-by-poetry, destinies entwined, deathless true love, Gothic Romance, out of hand soulmate thing. The Doctor endlessly incinerating his own body and chiselling away at the impossible for 4.5 billion years just for a potential opportunity to save her life? Not even be with her, just save her? A chance! Fucking ROMANCE. Clara's abject devastation that he would do that to himself, her equally insane antics to try to protect him, her realisation of being so overwhelmingly loved by this absolutely terrifying force of nature and her response to that being 'we're such idiots we should have talked about this, we're going to talk about this right now!' It takes until the very end, the utmost extreme, for Clara to recognise his devotion for what it is,

(because both of them have been idiots about this throughout their entire relationship- afraid to be hurt, afraid of all that it would mean, of change, afraid to be rejected again, etc. etc.- and have been pining away in denial that their feelings are mutual, paralysed by fear of losing each other)

but when she finally understands that he loves her, she has to wrestle with the Frightening Scope of Being So Loved and she rises to it, undiminished, boldly human and not needing to be any more than that to stand shoulder to shoulder with this profoundly alien personified time abyss who ushered in the end of all things to see her smile again. One smile. I'm breathless!!

I love that they're so different and there's such a massive disparity between how others perceive them, between the powers afforded them, yet they're also so similar and complementary and equal. They're both caretakers who tend to be bossy and controlling in part as an expression of that caretaking, they're both quite self-absorbed egoists who are capable of absolutely staggering selflessness, they're both idealists who refuse to give up, and they have the same sense of humour. There's a genuine intimacy and unspoken simpatico I think is unmatched by any other relationship the Doctor has ever had.

Each of them wrote and became a fairy tale for the other. Clara threw herself into his timeline and became The Impossible Girl, shattering herself into every fragment of his life to rescue him from being physically destroyed. Then she rescues him from being emotionally destroyed by stepping in to stop him using the Moment. Then she secures him a new set of regenerations. Clara is hope, she is his guardian angel. She became a story and then when she again stays to help him after he regenerates, they break down all the façades and idolisations between them and strip down to bare humanity. I talked about how her idealisation of the Doctor was broken down over series 8 in the post linked above, but he goes through the same thing with her. Their connection is tested and purified and rebuilt, always being reaffirmed, always growing stronger.

On the simplest level, they just adore each other. They can't stay apart because that affinity they share is irresistible; they're never bored if they're together and they work perfectly as a team. What makes it so special to me is that it's both this stupid simple mundane thing of they delight in one another's company like real people and it's this operatic epic of story and destiny and having woven themselves into each other's fate for all eternity. That's everything I want in a romance. I want the small and the big, Gothic drama and warm cosies. I want love which feels both transcendent and domestic.

Anyway, I'm kind of rambling but I love Magical/Mundane pairings, I love Immortal Fae Being/mortal angst, world-crossing, layers of identity, Sarcastic Aloof Super Genius with Heart of Gold/Vivacious Practical Person, Physically Powerful Man/Emotionally Powerful Woman, etc. They're ticking a lot of boxes.

And I love Twelve so much because a) Peter Capaldi is the only person to ever play the Doctor who played all the Doctors. He doesn't just feel like he's in continuity with the other regenerations where there are core traits that carry over, he feels like he tangibly still is all of them in this uncontrived and magical way. That he can contain all those aspects at once, that he's really the same man with the same interior landscape and actually lived all those lives, did all those things. He makes me believe it in a total, simple way I never quite have before. b) He and Tom Baker are the only two that, to me, genuinely felt alien and they both sometimes give me goosebumps because of that. They convey this point of view outside and beyond humanity which shouldn't even be possible for an actor to achieve, but which is necessary for the Doctor.

c) my many rants about forgiveness and compassion and how series 9 is the most profound, demanding, and uncompromising study of those themes in the last twenty years of anglo pop culture. Just absolutely unflinching idealism, all the more powerful and heroic because it's coming from such a deeply flawed character who has done truly horrific things himself. That Twelve can be so clearly worn down by darkness both within himself and out in the universe, be such a burdened melancholy character staggering under the weight of unspeakable guilt and terrible responsibility, yet be infused with so much childlike wonder and incorrigible curiosity, always excited to keep learning... always willing to hope.

Like I want to go on a whole side tangent about what a BRILLIANT cliffhanger Magician's Apprentice/Witch's Familiar is because the cliffhanger isn't about the plot or who will survive at all despite that being the ostensible stakes, it's about whether the Doctor will live up to his principles. And we know he's failed before. That's where the suspense is- vengeance and playing hero are temptations he's fallen to before. That the most brutally difficult mercy to give allowed for the possibility of victory is just...! Yes!!!

But also he's hilarious and grouchy, deeply profoundly kind and patient while also just having... zero time for people's nonsense (and people consist mostly of nonsense, so he doesn't have time for much). He will believe in and hope for the best from anyone, wants to save everyone, but he is almost exclusively irritated by social interaction. The dichotomy of his loving, compassionate embrace of all living things as infinitely valuable and his cloak of misanthropy is getting at something extremely poignant about the struggle to be an optimist in the real world.

And one of my favourite favourite things about Twelve is that the story doesn't just tell us he's brilliant and move along. We don't get only the normal outsider perspective of him seeming to know almost everything or pulling random quick fixes out of nowhere. We get to see his mind at work. Heaven Sent actually walks us through his genius and not only how he thinks, but how he makes it look effortless. It's just... one of the best character studies in the history of television. It's a masterclass on the Doctor: who he is, who he wants to be, and why he's such an infinitely wonderful, fascinating character.

And it's also a study of grief, of perseverance, of despair and hope. It is the most triumphant tragedy I've ever seen and everything about it is just so beautiful and so romantic. The Doctor breaking down and exhausted and wanting to give in, but roaring through Hell to keep living and keep striving in his cloak of tattered idealism because the flame of hope in his heart will never go out. It is majestic.

I love the Doctor because he's so full of contradictions while being such a vibrantly alive, resonant personality that we recognise as somehow 'real' or 'true', and no one incarnation encompasses a more vast range of these contradictions working in more perfect harmony than Twelve.

#I'm so sleep deprived I hope any of this made sense #thank you for the ask nonny!#I should do a Whouffaldi rewatch- it is time #and put more thoughts into words #it would be more coherent that way I'm sure #twelfth doctor #whouffaldi #dw #nuwho #dw meta #twelveclara #I definitely have tag rambled about some of these points and probably explained it better #but I didn't want to keep waiting to answer this because I'm stressing myself out worrying i'll put it off and suddenly three months later #I can't actually say unequivocally that Twelve is my fave bc Four is right there with him #and also Two is so great you guys #but I haven't written impassioned screeds about Four yet so I guess it's a fair assumption

75 notes · View notes

primrose-path-of-dalliance · 3 years

Text

jester began falling in love with caleb in episode 103.

not any earlier in my opinion, and not later, either.

there's two elements to why i believe e103 is the turning point.

(1) the first is caleb's actions and jester's responses to them during the night they all sleep by the waterfall—his support of her idea to sleep underwater, his conversation with her after her commune with artagan, and his casting of programmed illusion in the dome.

(2) the second is the way her behavior toward caleb pivots around e103. before e103 is a noticeably different beast to how she begins to treat him after e103—the attention she pays him, her efforts to hold more standout interactions with him, and a dramatic swell of emotion and thematic meaning in these scenes’ respective subtext.

the rumblecusp arc is the point in which jester’s character growth, and caleb’s efforts to unconditionally support her, really begin to shine. throughout the complex growing pains that jester and artagan's relationship was experiencing, the one person who truly takes a moment to offer her support without any agenda or judgment is caleb.

(e103, 1:22:55, bold mine)

CALEB: You okay over there?

JESTER: (tearful) Yeah, I'm fine. Just—I'm just drawing.

CALEB: Maybe didn't go as well as you were hoping?

JESTER: Um... In some ways it went better. But no.

CALEB: I can't speak for him. But you do have us.

JESTER: I know.

CALEB: So whatever you land on, Jester, we'll make it happen.

JESTER: (shaky laugh) I have to figure out what I want to land on.

CALEB: That is the, uh—sticky wicket, isn't it?

JESTER: Yeah. Everything's confusing.

CALEB: Maybe... Maybe we sleep on it, it'll make more sense in the morning.

JESTER: Yeah. Yeah. Thank you, Caleb.

CALEB: I didn't do anything.

jester confesses that her commune with artagan didn’t provide the answers she was hoping for—that he knew about the curse on the island—and caleb doesn’t remark on what that seems like. he deliberately avoids speculating on why artagan is doing these things because “he can’t speak for him.” he doesn’t assume anything about what she might choose to do and explicitly leaves that choice up to her. jester vents briefly about how difficult the choice is, and caleb offers her reassurance, a reminder that some time will make things clearer. he doesn’t suggest solutions.

unlike fjord or beau, caleb doesn’t ask her to voice outright whether artagan is being a good friend. he doesn’t continually question his character and imply any personal opinions to her or what he thinks she should do. instead, he asks whether she’s okay. he listens. and he offers unconditional support.

this is consistently the stance caleb takes in the rumblecusp arc. and it’s not discussed much, i think, exactly how monumental that was to jester.

(hold on, this is a long one.)

jester is a young woman who grew up sheltered and wants to define herself outside of that shelter. for her, this campaign has essentially been a coming-of-age journey (talks for e76-77, 14:12). she is deeply sensitive to whether or not she’s respected because she’s aware of how her personality and general lack of experience makes others think she’s naive, immature, or incapable (talks for e79, 31:51).

it’s also incredibly evident that her relationship with artagan is unique. in e105 (1:15:01), jester tells the m9, “he really got me through a lot when i was younger, you know? and he was all i had, really.” he was her best friend from childhood in a home where she spent most of her time hidden in a single room. when she was younger, the few times she left the chateau, she was bullied by other girls (e110, 3:34:59). her best friend, though? her best friend was a god. a god with an incredible sense of humor, an aggrandizing attitude, and adoring respect for a young girl in a difficult situation who had as wonderful a personality as him. in every way that matters, artagan’s friendship undoubtedly saved jester’s life.

and she is so, so aware of this. she cares for him deeply, trusts him unconditionally, and is determined to be there for the one person who had been there for her when no one else was, not even her mother.

the renegotiation of this friendship after artagan revealed his full identity was clearly extraordinarily difficult for jester. she was having to reevaluate her entire relationship with the being that pulled her through a childhood of isolation and misery, question his intentions with her and whether they could even remain friends at all. and this was amidst her arrival at a dangerous island with her other friends to help him clean up his mistakes.

asking her to make a judgment on artagan before she’s ready to do it on her own, while managing some high expectations at the same time—not only is it a lot of pressure, it’s frustrating and painful. jester did not want to judge artagan without giving him his fair due and a proper conversation. knowing that her new friends dislike her old friend, besides being hurt by it, distracted her. she had to both defend him outwardly and interrogate him internally. and if she tried to explain how important artagan is to her, a lot of vulnerability would’ve been necessary when she was trying to be a leader and seem competent and capable, instead of a child who needs patronizing guidance.

this latter point is exceptional. because jester lavorre is so vulnerable when it comes to how much she thinks her loved ones respect her and consider her a valuable, equal, and trustworthy individual. and it’s difficult to feel like you’re being valued and trusted when people are repeatedly questioning you about a person and a relationship that they don’t understand in a way that, despite genuine concern, comes across as them doubting your own judgment of one of the most intimate parts of your life.

in this precise moment in e103, caleb is the only person who acknowledges—to her in person, even—that he doesn't have any place in judging her relationship with artagan. that it’s not what she needs from him or anyone else. that he’s content waiting for her to reach a decision. that he will respect that decision.

and jester can believe him. caleb’s done nothing but remain consistent on this stance. he repeatedly supports her choices to run travelercon, trust artagan, and come to his aid.

when other party members question artagan's legitimacy, caleb is the one who almost always speaks up to support jester (some examples: e61, 30:43 / e77, 49:17 / e95, 1:09:17 and 1:15:24).

he actively and enthusiastically offers his magical talents to her to provide for the event preparations. he has a whole conversation with her in e91 (beginning 1:53:41) where he expresses his immense respect for her and her personality, explicitly validates her faith in artagan, and shows her a tangible example of how he wants to help her during the upcoming travelercon. when she suggests some ideas, despite their arguable silliness, caleb takes them at face value and openly admits his lack of expertise in this area (e91, 1:58:35).

when they first arrive at rumblecusp, he directly reassures jester about the ‘travelercon 3000’ banner she leaves on the wrong beach by mentioning that he can make her a new banner (e101, 48:18). once preparations begin in earnest, caleb expends spells very freely, including ones of higher-level, to produce whatever jester requests.

in e103, he hears out her idea of sleeping underwater and gives it equal consideration in spite of other party members trying to shoot it down. the first time she suggests it (36:23), caduceus comments against it and no other party member acknowledges her except for caleb, who agrees with her quietly while the others move on. the second time jester suggests it (46:08), veth comments against it and caleb steps in to openly agree that it’s a good idea, even after fjord and beau join veth in being dubious.

compare these active, consistent moments of support and validation from caleb to similarly active and consistent examples of the other attitudes that manifest during the rumblecusp arc, in contradiction to people’s apparent claims of trust (one such claim of trust: e95, 1:00:21).

plainly insulting artagan to jester as if it’s a given, such as fjord’s “he’s generally full of shit, right?” (e107, 49:42);

fjord, beau, and caduceus’s conversation about “not ruining jester’s big day,” yet distrusting artagan to the extent of planning to keep her from being alone with him, preparing to attack him should he try to sacrifice 200 people for some speculated unknown ritual and/or hurt jester, and discussing all of this behind jester’s back (e108, beginning 15:41);

caduceus’s said shift to distrust of artagan because of a semi-disturbing conversation that jester was equally a part of (e107, beginning 20:40);

and the discussion right before jester’s commune with artagan where beau questions if artagan sent them to rumblecusp knowing of the memory problems, without regard for their well-being (e103, 29:40).

the unfortunate assumption being made by these party members’ repeated questioning and protectiveness of jester is that she cannot be trusted to have good judgment. despite their familiarity with some of the context of her relationship with artagan (especially after e105), they disregard her repeatedly-expressed support of him. they indirectly disrespect her ability to judge for herself whether someone is dangerous to her or her friends. they don’t acknowledge jester’s own role in creating dubious situations and instead direct all their negative feelings and sense of fault to artagan, minimizing her agency.

the e108 conversation is a dense microcosm of how the party perpetrates these assumptions throughout the rumblecusp arc as a whole. without qualm, they discuss deliberately controlling jester’s time with artagan to ‘protect’ her and their willingness to kill the evil image they’ve constructed of him, and dodge jester directly asking them what they’re talking about—even though it is a known given that the m9 would defend her with their lives with or without any prior discussion. the purpose of holding this conversation isn’t to make sure that jester is safe. like caduceus near-explicitly says, it’s to “feel better knowing” that “anybody else was on board with this” (20:26 and 18:57)—to validate their unacknowledged distrust of jester’s judgment with each other, behind her back.

and as laura has said: jester, with her very high wisdom, tends to know what’s going on even if she acts like she doesn’t (talks for e79, 32:39).

in e103, when jester is crying because she’s found out that artagan did know about the island’s memory problems, caleb doesn’t show any sign of taking this as proof of artagan's ill intent. what he does instead: he offers compassion for her pain with zero judgment. he promises to support her, no matter what she ultimately decides to make of this information. these are offers of safety and trust, ones that jester desperately needed.

then—caleb creates a programmed illusion of the m9’s lives. and it’s beautiful.

in comparison to all the analysis prior, this moment is straightforward. jester is an artist. she paints, draws, and creates, and she loves doing it. moreover, she loves making art for other people. though she doesn’t get many chances to do so, the mural of a flowery meadow that she paints for yasha’s room in the xhorhaus is a perfect example. similarly, she enjoys the art she makes when defacing other people’s property—altered signage or statue of the platinum dragon painted in rainbow—in part because they’re gifts to the traveler. she loves making those she loves happy.

happiness and love to jester is overwhelmingly about emotional intimacy. i’ve talked about this to some degree in a previous post about jester’s jealousy. please refer there for in-depth explanation. in brief, though, she puts value on how deeply she knows a person; how often she’s been able to be there for them. this is the love she learned from her mother and from artagan, and how she continues to love once she’s older.

caleb’s arcane rendition of the m9′s lives floating around the inside of the dome is a display of exactly this kind of love. not only is it art crafted from his magic and imagination and love—it’s blatant evidence of how much he cares for every member of the party and where they’ve come from. he remembers their stories and hangs them in the air in hopes that it’ll help them resist the memory erasing. he moves the memory of yasha and zuala in a meadow over to yasha’s pillow-side so she can watch it until she falls asleep. he creates a memory for vilya of her, her husband, and her daughter, listening to and respecting the emotional gravity of what she’s confiding in them.

only a few minutes after jester’s disappointing commune with artagan and her conversation with caleb, she walks into the dome and sees this art. she laughs and stares in wonder at all the memories (e103, 1:46:08). when beau points out the humorous memories of fjord being attacked by turtles so they can all laugh, she tells caleb with equal awe and joy, “wow. this is amazing, caleb” (e103, 1:47:04).

...of course, as lovely and meaningful as these back-to-back moments were for jester, it's not quite evidence of her starting to fall in love with caleb around this time.

that’s where the following episodes come in.

[id: three screenshots of messages sent in a discord channel by the user “prim” (the op). all are timestamped to friday, august 28, 2020, the day after the live premiere of e107. the first has an additional timestamp of 12:53 PM, the second 1:03 PM, and the third 1:30 PM. they read:

honest to god though i don't know if it's just the shipper brain that is making me think laura is trying to roleplay jester beginning to reciprocate caleb's feelings [...]

like........ the golden dick hunt teasing is definitely on par with jester's past shenanigans, but the compliments have been Catching My Attention bc it's honestly not normal for jester to compliment caleb of her own volition like that, just as a one-on-one "i appreciate you" reassurance

and i'm thinking less about the spells from last night's episode (although how much jester was emphasizing the compliments made me go "awwwww") and more of the moments like jester telling caleb "that was impressive" after getting cad out of the tunnel with beau's help

but laura is absolutely a shipping troll with jester this campaign so i'm here like "I'M MAYBE 80% SURE I'M BEING FUCKED WITH BUT IT MAYBE HOLDS UP????" [...]

basically laura keeps doing things that make the alarm in my brain go off and i don't know if i'm picking up something legit or if i'm projecting my hopes, like the recent pattern of compliments from jester LOL

/end id.]

i’m not going to lie, if i try to list every single receipt like i otherwise prefer to do in these metas, i think we (and especially i) would all lose our minds. so while i’m about to provide a lot of citations, they genuinely are just a few possible examples that will mostly be within the dozen episodes after e103.

the more important detail that can be observed from this is that e103 is a turning point.

prior to e103, jester does not particularly go out of her way to interact with caleb. by and large, most of their direct interactions are either initiated by caleb or prompted by the context of a general party conversation. the majority of other moments that could be referred to as ‘widojest’ are of caleb’s evident feelings. beyond early campaign days, jester rarely teases caleb about sexual topics while insinuating things about her own sexual life at the same time.

after e103, laura and jester begin to go out of their way to interact with and intertwine jester’s time with caleb.

the rate of jester’s compliments and enthusiastic gratitude to caleb skyrocket (some examples: e104, 30:36 / e107, 16:49 and 1:11:28 and 1:12:15 and 3:10:39 / e110, 15:58 and 3:37:24 / e111, 36:15 and 38:41 and 50:58);

several mature jokes/flirtations she makes involve both caleb and herself (examples: e107, 1:16:17 / e110, 1:18:07 / e115, 1:52:53);

she deliberately and specifically engages caleb in full-blown interactions, such as the conversations during the tour of her childhood bedroom (e110, beginning 1:11:38), hanging out with him on the icebreaker ship (e112, beginning 3:45:29), and the reading of der katzenprinz (e115, beginning 1:52:43);

as well as the expansion of more extended ‘conversations’ like their motif of dancing (e108, 13:39 / e109, 2:54:14), their parental relationships (e110, 20:44 and 3:38:41 / e115′s der katzenprinz / e121, beginning 1:52:12), and polymorph shenanigans (examples: e107, beginning 2:58:41 / e117, beginning 1:13:55 / e118, 43:57).

thrown in are additional background details that further tie jester to caleb, such as her determination to recover caleb’s amulet after their defeat of vokodo (e106, 25:33), the knowing comments on his purchasing of paper (e109, 22:32 / e111, 1:25:49), her deliberate choice to ride whaleb during the avantika chase (e113, 2:32:28), her retrieval of caleb’s coat when he’s attempting to remove the necromantic emerald (e115, 1:30:56), and her deliberate reference to der katzenprinz to iver (e120, 3:05:14);

and simply everything about the tower. it’s another example of the art and creativity caleb produces with his magic to make his loved ones happy, which jester acknowledges at least twice (refer to the e111 compliments). contrarily, jester also makes note of the signs that this tower shows less love to caleb than she thinks he deserves, in keeping with her value of emotional intimacy (e115’s der katzenprinz / e122’s floor 8, room 1).

the reading of der katzenprinz in e115 is arguably the pinnacle of these examples. it’s intentionally initiated by jester. she both takes the step to visit caleb's room and indirectly requests him to read the story to her. laura’s implication that she remembered this subplot because of beau’s reading of a very romantic letter from yasha is particularly suggestive. the story itself incorporates many similar characters and themes that are present in jester’s backstory: the lonely, sheltered boy and his single working mom as jester and marion; the dubious cat prince who ultimately gives the boy freedom and confidence as artagan; and the deep love between the boy and his mother because of how they only have each other, which compels a powerful being to have compassion and thus set the boy free so that they can be together. very similar to both jester’s depth of relationship with her mother and her pleas on artagan’s behalf to the moonweaver’s celestial servant.

and the post-story conversation—caleb’s confiding of its importance to him because of his mother. jester’s open willingness to compare the cat prince to artagan, knowing that caleb respects their friendship and has treated artagan fairly. jester’s lingering, repeated looks toward caleb while smiling and holding her copy of der katzenprinz to her heart.

with all this dramatic expansion of the emotional and thematic intimacy between jester and caleb beginning to roll down the hill after e103—in brilliant contrast to their more muted, less reciprocal dynamic before this episode—e103 is more than likely the turning point of jester’s feelings. and based on the events and context, it was caused by the combined emotional appeal of caleb’s offer of unconditional support and his display of love for his family in the programmed illusion of memories.

#cr #critical role #cr meta #widojest #jester lavorre #caleb widogast #by popular demand #inb4 the wrap-up #prim post #prim says some things #readmore #long post

248 notes · View notes

alderjayne · 3 years

Note

isaac? :3c

HIM HIMHIM

Sexuality Headcanon: you see he's already canonly gay and canonly demiace so there's only so much to hc, saving how for he fits on the ace spectrum, which kai mentioned a while ago to someone was fine to mess with a tad bcause trying to identify where exactly on the aspec you fall is finicky and difficult to pinpoint anyways. ACTUALLY now that I think about it I do pretty often consider him... probably demi-aro as well, but also simply more likely to have romantic attraction to someone than sexual once they meet the qualifications for either. that's just the vibe in my head tho this is not upset by seeing different portrayals about it at all. and also if he's at a point where/if he manages to like multiple people. poly. obtaining this however assumes that he not only has the emotional comprehension, initiative, and articulation to establish a relationship with one person, but in fact 2+ persons. he can't do that. probably they'd have to come to this conclusion and propose it first.

Gender Headcanon: that depends on my mood lol. most often either cis or mlm nb, typically either agender or a little bit genderfluid about it perhaps or both.

A ship I have with said character: OTPs isward and whatever the ship name is for drew's there too. with one of the jocks could be interesting potentially I think I'd like to see that sometime.

A BROTP I have with said character: Cody called him a little knife man.

A NOTP I have with said character: honestly nevin and Chris w him. not in the sense that I dislike content of them together or it existing. They're both dynamics that appeal to me! but I tried a few times and simply could never make myself care. Neither ship invokes any particular feelings or keep my attention, so I frankly just don't think about it much. (wasn't always the case, but currently this happens to be true for me and Nevin-or-Chris + everyone else that isn't each other, so they can go candoodle in peace ig.) also Felix or the evil jocks + Isaac. I've seen a little bit of it and I simply don't have any feelings about the concept, probably even less so than the above since while they're fun to watch cause problems, they exist solely to cause problems and give Cody jock lore so I'm not actual attached of them as people, as opposed to Nevin and Chris who obviously we're all already fond of as individual characters. as for actual NOTP in terms of NOTP. gross age dynamics, and the girls, I guess? The obvious? (one of those is worse than the other, but nonetheless)

A random headcanon: if I remember right it's outright canon he doesn't tell his parents jack because he doesn't want to deal with the trouble of it, but I think about this a lot so putting it here anyways?? and I'm definitely projecting at him about something that I don't even do anymore, (albeit I think everyone has to do this to some extent, ESPECIALLY in terms of you what you mention to your parents when you're a teenager, because the truth is that they genuinely don't need to know all about everything always. He's just bad about it worse.) but he has a habit of. simply not mentioning things that happen if he decides that it being mentioned won't directly a trigger an immediately drastic tangible improvement, and occasionally even when it would. hes only sometimes right that it won't. Telling his parents he got thrown into a bookcase isn't going to unconcussion him, so while there's not going to be negative consequences from telling them, it sure would be slightly inconvenient for him to explain and upsetting for them to find out about and then might try to do something about, and potentially lead to the magicky stuff being mentioned to them, which he hasn't told them about because.... uh. well, not that they would hurt him, but it could complicate things? and he wouldn't gain anything from them knowing, so it would be the same level of positive impact regardless, except that he wouldn't have to hide it which doesn't matter that much, not that he's... hiding it, exactly, but net no change vs the potential for it to be slightly worse or more annoying or inconvenient or take energy or be awkward or upsetting somehow without it curing cancer or anything, so yes he is actually. that said by now it'd kind of have to be a habit because I don't think he thinks enough in general to consciously be making that decision this much. negative points in thinking thoughts and negative points in communication. At this point I feel like it would take a BIG BIG payoff to get to him be open about Literally Anything, and regardless of whether he's right about the amount knowing about things will or won't fix, EMOTIONALLY he sure is a lot worse off for it. tbh I'm not even sure if this is technically even headcanon because it's kind of just an apsect of canon I latched onto really hard and had thoughts about. Unrelated but when he was younger (middle school + first grade probably) he bit people. He just did. If he was in a situation where biting someone would help him enough he would do it again. also unrelated again but I think he gets kind of weak about being kissed on the neck.

General Opinion over said character: I THINK ABOUT HIM A LOT AND EVERY TIME SOMEONE MAKES CONTENT ABOUT HIM I GET SO HAPPY ABOUT IT.

#help I used too mayne words to answer these #isaac beamer versus the supernatural #ibvs #isaac beamer #ask game #ask #i forgot my tags ahh

30 notes · View notes

yamatonikado · 4 years

Text

Also i think the reason why the wonder killers look the way they do is because of the perception of them. People’s perceptions of traumatic events are always warped, some more than others. That’s the reason why some of these wonder killer designs are so wacky. In the beginning of the series, the Acca’s explain that the wonder killers take the place of the girls traumas (or ultimate reasons for why they committed suicide). So far each of the wonder killers have been fairly straightforward (overbearing coach, molester, stalker) but their designs have been really over the top all with the exception of one.

Put under a read more bc it’s kinda long as i talk about each girls wonder killer/analyze them below the cut!

I think the fantastical over the top elements of the wonder killers is the way the girls bury and perceive their traumas. I’m gonna get a bit lengthy here, but hear me out. Minami’s wonder killer was her coach, however; Minami was very much in denial that her coach was ever bad/in the wrong. She is always apologizing to the coach. The ultimate reason she died was because of the verbal, mental, and even physical abuse she suffered from her coach constantly obsessing over and controlling every aspect of her life. That’s what it looks like from the outside, however; Minami never specifically acknowledged that the coach’s actions were abuse. She always deferred it onto a specific failing she did onto her self (her body changes because of puberty, and instead of accepting it she internalizes it as her fault because her coach said so). This perception of her coach is warped, and so is the coach’s form as her killer.

This can be said for all the girl’s too. Their wonder killers and the traumatic events that killed them are understood, but not explicitly interacted with.

Miwa’s killer is her molester, and that makes sense. It’s straightforward that her killer is the man who induced trauma onto her, however; if that’s the case how come in the train car, she tells Momoe that more of her guilt and warped thinking were words echoed to her by her mother? What drove Miwa to suicide wasn’t just her molester (like she initially thought) it was the lack of support she received from her family when she took the initiative to come forward about it. It’s the lack of support from her mother, someone that blamed her and side stepped her feelings (when confronting her wonder killer she was echoing words/reasoning said by her mother). Miwa blames her molester for her suicide and her family’s downfall, but she’s isn’t acknowledging the entire truth behind the incident she suffered from.

It’s why Mako and Miko’s wonder killer is such an abstract monster with every other superpower under the sun. Their wonder kill isn’t from their own trauma, it’s how they perceived Yuyu felt from their stalker. They don’t know Yuyu personally, they don’t know how they felt before committing suicide, they have a wonder killer that they based on their perception of what it was that killed Yuyu/them. It might also be why the wonder kill stopped attacking them and started dancing to Yuyu’s song. Mako wholeheartedly believes that no fan of Yuyu would incite violence in Yuyu’s presence, and that’s why the monster/wonder killer stopped what they were doing and did exactly that. The killer acts on how the girls understand them to act, because they stem from the girl’s own understanding of their trauma.

Yae’s wonder killer is oddly abstract because she’s the only one that can see her. Yae mentions her friends abandoning her (which might be why the monster wears a school uniform) but ultimately her trauma stems from an extremely warped source and unexplainable perception of what killed her. Ayaka’s wonder killer is the same, I’m guessing he’s an abusive cult/religious leader that took in runaway kids, however she doesn’t see him as a creepy dude. Look at her body language as he confronts her and speaks to her about people loving her. She has moments where she acknowledges him as a loser and fights back, but ultimately she thinks he holds some power over her (which is why he’s in an inflated ego suit).

And now I know you’re thinking about Kurumi and Aoi. The two girls with the most realistic of the two wonder killers.

I’ll start with Aoi, who at first glance has a mystical wonder killer. But as the fight continues it’s revealed that the wonder killer, is Aoi herself (her own hair, her own beauty). Aoi’s wonder killer is a mix of the realistic and the fantastical because of two things 1) Aoi says she killed herself due to the society’s unrealistic beauty standards and her inability to stay beautiful, as she’s reached the peak of her youth (which is the fantastical) and 2) Aoi understands that the reason she took her life is because of her own vanity (the reality/realistic). She blames herself for dying due to this desire of hers to be forever beautiful, to die at her prime before she becomes obsessed with her looks/youth like her mother. Her hair, a symbol of her pride, is what she knows kills her, and that’s why it takes the form of her wonder killer. It’s why she cries when Neiru tells her that no one can call her pretty anymore. She’s partly able to acknowledges the truth of what killed her and she that died for such a silly reason. Still her perception is warped because her philosophy of beauty is so deeply ingrained into her psyche.

And Kurumi. Well Kurumi’s wonder killer is so realistic because Kurumi is able to accurately acknowledge what caused her trauma and suicide. She mentions her friend group turning their back on her, throwing words like knives at her behind her back. She mentions her friends being superficial, which is why the wonder killer is a female student with a blurred out face (signifying that she doesn’t even know who the person hurting her even is, either because she doesn’t know them deeply or because it was multiple different people doing it). Not even that, but while Kurumi has one wonder killer, the killer also took form of multiple other girls (the ones writing die on the locker). Kurumi is one of the only girls whose perception of her trauma is fully acknowledged for what it is. A bunch of high school girls that don’t even know her, that continue to harass her and hurt her with sharp words and insults.

I’m not saying Kurumi is better than the other girls are identifying what’s wrong. All the girls are right in what killed them. I just think Kurumi has a better understanding of what happened to her and how she really felt. She seems to be really reflective of what happened to her and even gives Ai advice. Kurumi is affected by her trauma, but she’s able to clearly label what caused it.

Miwa is able to talk about her trauma, but unlike Kurumi, she refuses to interact with it at a deeper level. She never acknowledges how what her mom says upsets her, she only echoes what is said. If she were still alive, it might take her years of therapy to understand how she really felt and how the molestation (which was more of a trigger event) affected her. I feel like a lot of the girls in the show are able to acknowledge, “this is why I died” but they have yet to reflect on how it made them feel and how it might be different from the reality of the situation.

That being said, we could also argue that the wonder killers take on the form of people that have motives that can be clearly understood or imagined. The motives of a malicious clique of teenage girls is easier to imagine and deal with than the warped love of a coach you view as a parental figure. It’s something tangible you can believe unlike a serial molester in a position of power over you and your family. You can understand young girls being jealous over a boy, but you can never understand a saesang fan-like stalker. It’s an easier motive to digest and understand than these societal problems that very much do kill young girls today, which may be why the easier the trauma is to digest from an outsider perspective, the clearer its design is. But that may be another theory for another day, as we see more wonder killers in the coming episodes.

TDLR; Part of the reason why i think the wonder kills have such odd design choices is because they’re a reflection of how the girls interpret, perceive, and acknowledge their trauma. The better equipped the girls are at understanding and or labelling their trauma, the more realistic their wonder killers are. The more warped the perception of their trauma is, the more fantastical, unrealistic, monstrous their wonder killers become.

#wep #wonder egg priority #text #theories #i could go more in depth esp with minami butttttt i dont want to like say anything harmful or wrong about abuse and victim behavior #the only girl i dont talk about was the second one momoe saved #mizuki? i think mainly bc we don't know much about her other than she's fine with dating woman LOL #idk if this makes sense ive written four essays in the past week pls all my writing skill is gone jsdhfkjdhashdljdahdskl #imma tag the HEROES of the story ahhahaha bc i put thought into this #ai ohto #aonuma neiru #kawai rika #sawaki momoe #yes i go back and forth using surnames and first names and what about it?#ALSO IF I WASNT LAZY I'D CONNECT THIS MORE WITH URAACCA/ACCA AND HOW THEIR PHILOPSHIES CONTRADICT/SUPPORT THIS BUT YEAH #cw suicide #cw abuse #cw child abuse #cw bullying #gotta add the tags just in case #meta #as of episode six #ive wtached eps 1-6 this is commentary on the series as of ep.6

173 notes · View notes