#explain the Mysterious Fourth Brother to me

[revvethasmythh]

*shaking sam riegel* WHY ARE THERE FOUR BOYS IF SHE ONLY HAS THREE BROTHERS

[sailor-aviator]

By Its Cover: Prologue

By Its Cover: Prologue

Pairing: Jake "Hangman" Seresin x Reader

Summary: The frivolity of high society has never much interested in you. You preferred to spend your time reading, something your sisters couldn't fathom as they spent their time shopping the latest dress styles. The youngest of five children and the fourth daughter, not much was expected of you. You knew you might be married one day, but you hoped beyond hope that it would be to someone that might understand your intellectual pursuits. You begin exchanging letters with a mysterious stranger, and what's more, your older brother's rakish best friend seems to find himself in your path more and more as the season goes on. What's a girl to do? (Regency!AU)

Content Warning: Historical inaccuracies, Regency period, Period related drama, Talks of judgement, Period typical sexism, Talks of marriage, Death of a parent, Talks of making a debut, Reader's feelings are hurt, light angst, some fluff. I think that's it, but let me know if I missed something!

Word Count: 1.6k

Series Masterlist || Moodboard

Winter gave way to spring as quickly as one rumor gave way to another. Public opinion changed as quickly as the seasons, as far as you were concerned. Your whole life was spent in the thralls of high society, your entire life scrutinized by the judgmental lords and ladies of the Island before you could even walk or talk.

You had earned your reputation as a rather odd girl fairly young not quite seven years. Where the other girls were interested in dolls and hair ribbons, you found yourself enraptured by the world around you. On more than one occasion, you received a tongue lashing from your nanny as you tracked mud through the house after one of your many excursions into the garden, your mother heaving a tired sigh as you argued the merits of fresh air and stimulating your endless supply of curiosity.

“My darling,” she’d say pointedly, giving you one of her signature looks that reeked of motherly disapproval and exasperation, “while I find the fresh air and time in the garden as stimulating as the next person, it is unbecoming of a lady, dearest.”

You had recounted the tale to your father later that evening, the older man sitting at his desk with his feet propped up on the top of the wooden surface as he thumbed through a page of one of his many novels.

“I just don’t understand, Papa,” you muttered, your hair hanging from where you sat upside down on the chaise. “Why can Will go about doing as he pleases while I am to be tied down by all of these ridiculous rules?”

Your father had merely chuckled, marking his page before setting his book down to look at you.

“My darling Bug,” he smiled, taking his feet down and opening his arms wide to you. “Come here.”

You obeyed, righting yourself on the couch before standing to walk over to him. Bug had been bestowed upon you as your moniker well before you could remember. Your father had said that you earned the nickname once you were old enough to crawl all over the place, getting into things that you most decidedly shouldn’t. Your siblings had said it was because you were a pest.

Your father grasped your upper arms gently, the smile on his face as affectionate as always.

“William doesn’t get to do as he pleases,” he explained, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear as you pouted at him. “He will one day be lord earl of this estate, and as such he will take on many duties that will prevent him from doing a great deal of things. Indeed, he will take on many things that will see him as constrained as you.”

“I don’t believe you,” you grumbled, scowling up at him. Your father tilted his head back with a booming laugh, patting your head before placing a gentle kiss to your forehead.

“Nevermind all of that now, my little Lady Bug,” he hummed. “I’ve found a new story for you, would you like to read it?”

Your father was a fixture in your life, encouraging your love of learning perhaps more than he should have given the expectations set forth by society for you. Your mother saw no problem with your need for intellectual pursuits, but often grew exasperated at your clear lack of regard for decorum and stereotypical ladylike hobbies. Your elder sisters were the pinnacle of what proper ladies should look like in society, and you often found yourself being compared to them, much to your chagrin.

North Island, or the Island for short, was the nickname given to the group of nobles and upperclass that made up the elite, wealthy families that dictated the standards of polite society - the society you had the misfortune of being born into along with your elder siblings.

Your brother, William, was the pride of your family. He was a handsome, strong man that commanded the room with his very presence. He was jovial, charismatic, and intelligent by all accounts, and very popular amongst the other ladies of the Island.

Lydia was the second eldest after William, and was the the spitting image of your mother, with beautiful features that left all the men on the Island giving her longing looks. It was the Earl Reuben Fitch that won her hand in the end only seven seasons ago, and now they visited once in a while with their three children in tow.

Theodosia, or Theo for short, was the second eldest daughter, having entered into society only one year after Lydia, she was the prize to be won with her charming and elegant demeanor. Not quite as beautiful as Lydia, she made up for it with her wit, having won the affection of a viscount that same year.

Georgiana, or Georgie as your family was prone to call her, was only a year older than you and had made her debut the year prior. She had not settled for any of the men of the Island the year prior, setting her sights high and determining that the best had yet to come.

You rounded out the lot as the youngest, the strange, little sister that no one knew what to do with more often than not. The ladies of the Island often remarked that your head was too full of ideals, unsuitable for a lady of your noble family, and they lamented how your mother and father must have grown lax in their child rearing when it came to you. Or perhaps you were a hopeless cause. The reason varied day to day it seemed.

You were quite content with how your life was playing out. You had your books, the garden, and your dearest friend, Natasha Trace. Natasha, or Nat, was about a year older than yourself, having made her debut the same year as Georgiana.

“I’ll be happy once you make your debut,” she had said to you one night. “I won’t feel so alone at all the balls then.”

You had frowned at her words, the very thought of entering society growing less and less appealing by the day.

“Why must I debut?” You had asked your mother not too long after. “I’m the fourth daughter of an earl. Surely it is not that important that I marry.”

“Dearest,” your mother had sighed, setting her needlework down to look at you, “marriage is not all work. As the fourth daughter, you have more freedom to marry whom you would like. Your father would have wanted you to marry.”

“Father would have wanted me to do what made me happy,” you had muttered, turning to leave the room before she could respond.

Your father had passed years prior when you were only eight, and his memory still haunted the halls of the manner. William had taken up his title as earl, seeing to the estate with the help of your mother until he was capable of doing things on his own. Ten years your senior, he had done his best to fill in the holes your father’s absence had left behind, though he still needed reminding that he was, in fact, not your father.

“You’ll be making your debut this year,” he reminded you, scribbling away in the family ledger, casting you a spare glance as you scowled down at him.

“Please don’t make that face,” he sighed, setting his quill down to give you his undivided attention. “And please don’t make this more difficult than need be. Every young lady makes her debut at some point or another.”

“Why must I debut?” You frowned, your lips quickly forming into a smirk as a thought struck you. “Can I not live out my days on my own with you to support me?”

“You may not,” Williams replied flatly. “Bug, I know it can be nerve wrecking-”

“You have no idea what it’s like,” you interjected.

“But, it’s a part of growing up. You’ll find a husband who will make you reasonably happy and live out your days with him,” he finished. You scoffed, rolling your eyes as you clasped your hands together.

“William,” you began, “who would want me? The whole Island has deemed me strange, the black sheep of our family. You would really put me through this embarrassment for the sake of tradition?”

“I think you’ll find yourself surprised at who may want you,” William countered. “Many men on the Island are in need of a wife, and some may be willing to settle for someone of your nature given the right circumstances.”

A beat passed between you two, your heart stalling in your chest at his words.

“Settle?” You laughed quietly, but there was no humor to be found in your tone. “I am something to be settled for then?”

You hated how small you sounded in that moment. Of course, you didn’t care for what others thought of you. No, you were above all of that. Still, the thought that your brother saw you as some secondhand prize, something no one would seek out, hurt, and you willed the stinging tears behind your eyes to go away as you schooled your features.

William cursed under his breath, moving to stand, his face apologetic as he rounded the desk.

“Bug, that’s not what I meant-”

“No,” you snapped, sniffly slightly as you fought to compose yourself. “You’ve said quite enough already, brother. You’ve made perfectly clear where I stand as it is.”

He moved to say something, but you waved him off, already turning to leave the study.

“You’re busy,” you said flatly, “I’ll leave you to your business.”

William called out your name, but you ignored him, walking briskly down the hall and to the solace of your family’s library.

If you were something to be settled for, then you would at least make the most of what little freedom you had left.

A/N: Ahhhh!! The long awaited, much requested Regency!AU is finally here! Here's our first taste of Bug and Jake, so what do we think? As always, comments and reblogs are greatly appreciated. If you would like to receive updates on when I post, please go follow my sideblog (@sailoraviator-library) and turn on post notifications! My work is cross posted on AO3 under the username sailor_aviator. Until next time!

[nathaslosthershit]

[3] Who is Birdie Hughes?

Mat Barzal x Hughes!sister

Part of the Birdie Hughes AU

Here is the link for the Masterlist 

Summary: Why Birdie is out of the limelight and the 3 times the Hughes brothers talked about their big sister

The three Hughes brothers becoming huge hockey stars and seemingly getting those talents from their parents, was a story told over and over. 3 out of 3 Hughes boys ending up in the NHL at the same time truly showed the talent this family possessed. But there was a fourth child, the oldest and only daughter of the family, that wasn’t so much in the limelight. This was on purpose, Birdie never wanted too much attention on herself, and she thought that with three famous superstar hockey brothers, she wasn't interesting enough to warrant attention. It was shortly after Jack was drafted, and the family began to gain much more popularity, that they were all asked to be interviewed, when she sat them all down to talk.

“I don’t want to be interviewed.” She stated, firm but not unkind. “I don’t think I could handle that.”

“Well, Birdie, we will have someone there to help you out and talk you through it ahead of time.” Her dad said.

“I know that, and I know if I said anything stupid or whatever they wouldn’t include it. I just think I don’t need to add my input. They don’t want to hear what I have to say.”

“Sweetie, they asked you to do it because they want to know. They want to hear what you have to say as the oldest.” Her mom reasoned.

“Come on dude, you are part of the family, it would be weird if everyone but you were interviewed.” Jack argued. They didn’t understand, which wasn’t their fault. Birdie didn’t know how to articulate how she was feeling. She loved her family, she loved hockey, and she loved how her brothers were talented and had bright features ahead of them. What she didn’t love was the guilt she had always felt for quitting. She was good and she enjoyed playing, but she simply wasn’t competitive enough. She didn’t feel the need to practice day in and day out, she never stressed about whether her team was going to win because she simply enjoyed playing. After a particularly bad season had ended in high school, her coach had sat her down and berated her. Accusing her of not caring enough, of letting down her team. She vowed then and there that the only times she would be playing was for fun. She didn’t want big arenas full of fans and the best hockey equipment money could buy. She wanted the public rink and to play with her family for fun during the weekend and days they had off. 

When Birdie had finally told her family she was done, they were confused. After a bit of pushback they finally decided that if she wasn’t going to be happy, then there was no reason to make her continue. She missed it, of course, and she felt terrible for quitting, but over time she felt less and less guilty. 

She didn’t want to talk about that though, she didn’t want to explain. She also didn’t want to feel like she was less then because she chose a different life than what her brothers did.

“You can mention me, I don’t want to totally not exist from your lives publicly. I just don’t want to be interviewed right now.” She said firmly. 

Silence filled the room, till they all began to nod.

“Also, just call me Birdie. I don’t need my name out there so some crazy fan can dox me or something.” This she passed off as a joke, but they all knew she was serious at the same time. 

Ever since then, the public has known little about the mysterious first Hughes child. Comments here and there from the boys or their parents about their sister and daughter, but not much more. A childhood photo here and there, but since Luke’s draft day, there hasn’t been much of her, unless it was a hockey game she went to support her brothers at. 

Over time though, this began to change.

It started with Jack.

Out of everyone, Jack hated interviews the most. He knows it has become somewhat of a joke and over the years he just couldn’t bring himself to care about hiding his annoyance. Luckily, Jack was only doing a small sit down to talk about his family. Nothing about a game he had played where they would ask if he was sad they lost or some shit.

“Now your whole family is very close it seems. How have they impacted your career and helped you grow?”

“Uh yeah, obviously we are close and they all mean the world to me,” what the fuck is he supposed to say? “Growing up with three siblings has honestly really shaped me as a person. I owe so much to my brothers and sister. Beyond hockey even. Having three people you are sort of forced to love and grow with has been a blessing, even if they are annoying. Birdie, my sister, has had the most impact I think. She has always been kind of a, um, mentor, I guess- I don’t really know how to say it. She helped me become a better person, I don’t even want to know who I would be if I didn’t have her to somewhat keep me in check growing up. She lives not too far from me, compared to the rest of my family, so when I moved to New Jersey she helped along the way. She also did so much to help me when I was younger. Driving me to practice, driving my friends to practice too. Also school, she is the smartest person in the world, I swear. Always gave me shit for tests I would do bad on, but would always offer to help me study. And I gave her every single essay to proofread, which led to more bullying from her, but I never got too bad of a grade after she put her input in.” He was actually smiling and laughing, which is not common for Jack during an interview.

“She must be your favorite huh?” The interviewer said laughing.

“Oh she is everyone’s favorite. Although we all know Luke is her favorite. That's only because he is the youngest. She calls him ‘her baby’, which she has said since she was 6 and he was an infant.”

Luke

“So, Luke, a lot of talk from Jack about your sister. Something about you being her favorite?” The interviewer asked.

“Oh, of course I'm her favorite. Not even a question. She loves to tell me how I will always be her baby brother, despite how old I get, which is kind of annoying.” he laughs.

“Most people would find it endearing.”

“Yeah until she visits you in college and starts yapping about how you are ‘her baby’ to all your new friends. They all thought it was hilarious and I had to put up with them calling me ‘baby Hughes’ for like a month.” 

Quinn

“Tough game today, Quinn.” The reporter said, not really a question but he still waited for the captain’s response.

“Yeah. I have family here today so the loss is a little more upsetting.” He said somberly. He really hated interviews sometimes.

“Your brothers were here?”

“No, uh my sister. She surprised me last night. Didn’t know she was coming till then. She works in New York so I don’t get to see her as much as my brothers do. Something that I am jealous about.”

“Ah yes, the first Hughes child. You two being the oldest- are you guys close?”

What a weird question. But honestly, Quinn would rather talk about his sister than the game.

“Of course. It was just us for a little bit and I was more of her younger brother then, but once the other two came along we became each other’s confidant. I love it when she visits, and she is a better guest than my brothers so,” he laughs.

“You said she works in New York. Is she also involved in hockey like her siblings? Seems like a family trend so I wouldn’t be surprised.” The reporter said. 

This pissed Quinn off and he knew he had to be careful with how he answered this. Being so close, he was the first person she told when she was thinking about quitting hockey. He knew why she felt awful and he hated it. He also knew that this question would upset her, so he had to do something to make his answer one that wouldn’t hurt her even more.

“No, she actually works at a museum. She is easily the smartest out of all of us.”

“Ah so sort of a ‘black sheep of the family’, right?”

“Not whatsoever. We all love her, and since I was young she has been like the coolest person to me. It's honestly hard to explain what she does because it is much more sophisticated than me playing hockey or you asking stupid questions for a living.” Honestly, he would have dragged the interviewer more, but was soon let go because they could tell he began to have an attitude that wasn’t very good for a captain. 

“Fucking idiot” Quinn muttered after he left.

“What's wrong?” Birdie, who had waited outside for him to be done, had asked.

“Nothing, just- you are smart and talented, and everyone is so proud of you for what you do. Don’t forget that, okay?”

“Quinn, what happened?” 

“The interviewer was just stupid. I had said you were here and they asked if you were involved with hockey. When I said no they were rude about it. Then I got mad. Fuck them though. Your museum shit is much cooler.” “Cooler than being a professional hockey player that makes millions of dollars? I don’t know about that, Quinn.” She teased. She was used to it. It was worse when people who actually knew her had added their two cents in, but some random interviewer wasn’t going to upset her. She wouldn’t let it. “But thank you. I am not upset, I promise.”

“Love you, B.”

“Love you too, Q.”

[starlightshadowsworld]

Bsd stormbringer except Adam kidnaps Chuuya Despicable Me 2 style. Shows up back in London with a very disgruntled and pissed off Chuuya.

Who wasn't exactly happy being luggage. The flags tagged along, because of course they did.

Dr Wollstonecraft walks in on everyone arguing like "tea?"

She explains everything going on, and when Chuuya asks why didn't Adam just tell them that. She simply says "would you have listened?"

Chuuya hates that she's right. There's some back and fourth on the whole Verlaine is dead... Wait he's not dead... And the hell you mean he's my brother?!

It's a long day for Chuuya.

He reluctantly agrees to stay, after the flags convince him too. And the Flags all agree to stick around. Apparently Mori has been informed of all this and says sure have fun.

Dr Wollstonecraft also known as Mary Wollstonecraft is a kind, eccentric woman who for being maybe part of law enforcement is rather grey.

She makes one to many references to grave robbing in university, and that she has her (under very mysterious circumstances) dead husbands calcified heart.

And Doc might have a massive crush on her.

Lippman, Albatross and Pianoman are all trying to be his wingmen while Chuuya and Iceman are just watching them like... I ain't getting involved.

[rosachaotic]

Talbott x MC(Cereza)

Silent bloom

"It's Valentine's Day at Hogwarts, and love is in the air, along with a whiff of that tricky amortentia potion. Snape teaches the fourth year students about amortentia, the potion stirs unexpected emotions among students, unraveling concealed affections for their fellow classmates, including Talbott, who finally realizes he's got a thing for his best friend Cereza. On the flip side, Cereza, clueless about Talbott's feelings, hears about the whole amortentia drama and decides she needs to find out what went down."

(I dont really like the first valentines day sq so I decided to write my own story because why not?)

It was Valentine's Day, and the air was thick with love, intermingled with nervousness, shyness, and, unfortunately, quite a bit of rejection. And then there was Amortentia – that enchanting elixir of infatuation and intrigue. Professor Snape had orchestrated a lesson on spotting and detecting Amortentia's intoxicating aroma for the students, hoping to arm students against the temptation should anyone ever offer them the love potion.

Cereza, a Hufflepuff with a penchant for curiosity, had already endured this peculiar class alongside her fellow Hufflepuff housemates and even the enigmatic Slytherin students from the fourth year. The room had buzzed with embarrassed and befuddled teenagers as they inhaled the scents that sent their hearts aflutter. Cereza's Amortentia had, at first, been pleasant, but then it transformed into something reminiscent of the owlery. Perplexed but also confused, she decided to ignore and carry on.

After her class, it was time for Gryffindors and Ravenclaws to undergo this intriguing experience together. Cereza's twin brother, Michael, a proud Gryffindor, was next in line, and she couldn't help but be curious about what his Amortentia would smell like. In the meantime while she waited for his class to be over, latecomers exchanged Valentine's Day letters, chocolates, and other romantic tokens, and Cereza watched with a wistful gaze, yearning for such a day in her future.

Her thoughts were abruptly interrupted by Michael's irate arrival at the Hufflepuff table, despite his Gryffindor status, cheeks ablaze and an angry pout on his lips. Cereza, aware of her brother's notorious temper, couldn't help but say, "Uh oh. What now?"

Michael mirrored her question, his anger seething. "What now?!" he repeated, his voice ringing through the Great Hall, causing Cereza to caution him against a house points debacle.

"Calm down, and don't yell. Professor Snape could hear you, and you know what happened last time," she warned him, making her twin roll his eyes, as he knew exactly what she was talking about.

"I don't give a darn…" he muttered, though he knew Cereza was right.

Cereza sighed and fixed her gaze on him. "Was it the Amortentia class?" she inquired.

"OF COURSE, IT WAS THAT RIDICULOUS LESSON!"

"Merlin's beard, don't shout!"

"Sorry," Michael grumbled, still visibly embarrassed and angry. "It's just that I may have let slip something that could attract unwanted attention."

Cereza's curiosity piqued, and she rested her chin in her hands, her golden eyes gleaming. "Oh, embarrassing revelations? Tell me more," she prodded, earning another eye-roll from her brother, who still seethed with annoyance.

"Whatever, I just blurted out my thoughts..."

"What did you say?"

Michael, to keep it brief, explained that he may have mentioned that the Amortentia scent reminded him of someone, but before he could reveal the name, he had shut his mouth, inadvertently letting the entire class in on his secret crush. For Cereza, this came as no surprise; she knew her brother was enamored with a particular Slytherin student with a gentle heart.

"At least my reaction wasn't as bad as Winger's," Michael chuckled mischievously.

This comment left Cereza both curious and concerned. Talbott Winger was her best friend, a mysterious student with very few friends, making her unique connection with him the talk of the school.

"What happened to him?" she asked, her worry evident as her brother swiped a sandwich from her plate and began to munch.

"I don't know. When he smelled the Amortentia, his eyes went WIDE," he answered between bites. "His face turned as red as a tomato."

"Really???"

"Yeah, and he was so surprised, that he stepped back and knocked into the table behind him, nearly causing a commotion. Professor Snape noticed and reprimanded him, shifting the attention away from me."

Cereza shook her head in disappointment that her brother found humor in this, especially given the peculiar rivalry between Michael and Talbott. "I don't find it funny. What happened next?"

"Oh, he bolted from the classroom."

"HE WHAT?!"

"Whoa, remember what you said about not yelling?" Michael teased, causing Cereza to react with indignation; she was just worried about her friend, especially given that Talbott wouldn't leave class out of nowhere. "But anyway, Tulip offered to chase after him, but Snape advised against it. He did lose quite a few house points, though."

"Oh dear... Why do you think he reacted that way?"

"Are you serious? Isn't it obvious?" Michael stared at her, his expression a mix of disbelief and amusement. "He's got a crush on someone, Cereza. I feel bad for whoever that poor, unsuspecting soul may be."

Cereza came to Talbott's defense, her anger evident. "Don't say that!"

"But it's true!"

As Michael continued to pilfer her food, Cereza couldn't help but ponder who Talbott's secret crush might be. Was it Penny? It wouldn't be surprising, given her beauty and intelligence and for some reason this caused a heavy feeling in Cereza's heart and she didnt understand why it made her feel that way... He was just a friend, right? But anyways who wouldn't be smitten by Penny? If it wasn't her, then the question remained: who was it that had captured Talbott's heart?

—---

Beyond the castle walls, Penny, a bright and young Hufflepuff with a profound affection and talent for potion-making, was on a determined quest to find her friend, the mysterious Ravenclaw, Talbott Winger. The murmurs of the Amortentia incident had reached her ears, and an urgent sense of purpose compelled her to seek him out. After her not finding nowhere inside the castle she knew exactly where to go: to the owlery, a place shunned by many for its owl chatter, the perpetual dirt, and distinctive aroma. For Talbott, however, it held an inexplicable charm, a sanctuary where he retreated when lost in thought and be alone and Penny knew that.

Climbing a set of stairs, she found him amidst the fluttering feathers and soulful hoots, his attention fixated on a specific owl, gently caressing its head, an act of affection returned by the feathered creature.

"There you are!" Penny exclaimed, her voice resonating with genuine concern, nearly shouting in her relief. Talbott, her fellow Ravenclaw, shifted his surprised gaze her way. "I was so worried for you."

Talbott turned his gaze toward Penny, then back at the owl, his expression a cocktail of embarrassment and an attempt to mask it. "What do you want...?" he inquired, his voice carrying a subtle tone of irritation.

"I came looking for you. I heard you vanished after Snape's class, and I was genuinely concerned," Penny explained, her voice subtly conveying, 'Why are you even asking? We're friends, after all.' "WE were worried."

"We?" Talbott repeated her words, staring at her with a quizzical expression.

"Yeah! Me and Cereza!" She explains as Cereza herself also came to her a while ago, asking if she knew where Talbott was.

Talbott's eyes widened as he heard the other’s Hufflepuf’s name, and he shook his head, turning his gaze away as if he hoped to shield his reaction. "So, others besides you also know about it."

"Duh, it's the talk of the school," Penny chimed in with a playful smile. "Everyone's dying to know who has captured the mysterious Talbott Winger's heart."

"And by 'everyone,' you're also including yourself, aren't you?" he asked, his arms crossed, his gaze carrying a tinge of judgment, and a raised eyebrow.

"Yep!" Penny replied, revealing a layer of honesty that made Talbott snort with amusement, his apprehension momentarily lightened. At least Penny was straightforward, and he genuinely enjoyed her company, viewing her as a friend.

"It's not you, so don't worry," Talbott jokes, trying to joke about the conversation as a way to make it less awkward for him.

"I know it's not me, you idiot," Penny laughed. "But I think I've got a pretty good idea of who it is." Talbott rolled his eyes at her statement as she almost sang it.

"No, you don't."

"You're not as good at hiding your emotions and gazes as you think, Talbott," she teased, strolling around him.

"Oh, really?" he countered. "So, who is it?"

She met his gaze, her blue eyes sparkling mischievously as she circled him, playing with her blonde braids. "Well... it's someone you adamantly claimed you weren't friends with until you finally relented..."

Penny began to describe, and Talbott's discomfort grew as he attempted to hide it, still with his arms crossed to his chest, his posture shifting from confidence to that of someone who'd been caught.

"Someone who likes helping others, has a soft spot for even the most dangerous magical creatures..."

Oh no.

"Someone who is kind and gentle, has the cutest afro puffs..."

Talbott's cheeks started to burn as Penny continued.

"Has the most beautiful golden eyes I've ever seen, and is freckled from head to toe..."

Penny smirked, noticing the effect her words were having on Talbott as his posture shifted once more, from confident to revealed.

Her eyes danced with excitement as she continued, "Someone who's a fellow Hufflepuff but also... a curse breaker!" Her words brimmed with enthusiasm as she proclaimed, "The lucky person who has your cold heart in her gentle hands is none other than...

Cereza Gomez herself! Am I correct, Talbott?" Her playful tone held a hint of anticipation, a touch of mischief in her sparkling eyes.

"...I have no idea what you're talking about," Talbott stammered, his voice revealing his discomfort and embarrassment. He attempted to leave the conversation, his cheeks still burning with embarrassment, and his nervousness more palpable than ever, but Penny stood her ground, blocking his path.

"Wait-"

"Leave me alone!" Talbott blurted out, his frustration and unease apparent. He hurried past her, his hurried exit a clear sign that he was running away, not just from Penny, but from the emotions he couldn't bring himself to confront. Penny noticed that the owl he was petting early had a worried look as if it understood the situation and Penny immediately recognized who this owl was from: It was Cereza's.

Penny pouted, her finger gently pressed against her chin as she contemplated the enigma that was Talbott Winger. She watched him disappear from the owlery, knowing he was in denial about his feelings for Cereza. She didn't mean to make him this uncomfortable but the question remained – how could she help him face the truth and his true emotions?

—----

As Talbott briskly exited the owlery, the cold air outside offered no solace for the internal tempest raging within him. He fixed his uniform as a way of showing he was fine. Penny’s words echo the turmoil in his mind. He found himself at a crossroads, caught in a dilemma that demanded a decision — confront his true feelings for Cereza or bury them deep within, shielding himself from the potential pain of rejection and the risk of ruining their friendship.

As he roamed the Hogwarts corridor, Talbott couldn't escape the intense scrutiny of fourth-year students; whispers trailed him like shadows. Deciding to retreat to his dorm, he flopped onto his bed. Staring at the ceiling, thoughts of Cereza took over, a rollercoaster of emotions he hadn't signed up for. Initially unimpressed by her and her brother, time had woven a connection, evolving from attachment to full-blown admiration, spiraling into something beyond his control.

Laying on his bed, his mind drifted to Cereza. Her kindness felt like a cozy blanket, wrapping around him. Sweet nature characterized by caring gestures to friends, himself included. The mental image of her, beautiful and cute with freckles like stardust, sent a blush creeping across his cheeks.

The way she effortlessly brought a smile to his face whether through a simple chat or her captivating antics. There was one memorable occasion when she proudly unveiled a magical creature she had successfully tamed – a lively Niffler. As she introduced the creature, it took mere moments for the mischievous Niffler to spy something glittering in her pockets. What ensued was a delightful chaos. Cereza, determined to safeguard her shiny possession, engaged in a whimsical battle with the persistent Niffler. Picture her attempting to pry the creature off, only for it to cling back with unmatched tenacity. The comical scene unfolded as Cereza, in a mix of laughter and exasperation, maneuvered to keep her sparkly find out of the Niffler's mischievous grasp.

Talbott, an unexpected spectator to this spectacle, couldn't help but find the chaos caused by the Niffler funny. Talbott never imagined he'd be charmed by such a scene, finding the mix of cuteness and humor hilarious. Even now, the detailed recollection brought a smile to his face.

But it was Cereza's determination that seized him most deeply. Her relentless drive to help, fix, and tackle the seemingly impossible fueled an unspoken admiration within Talbott. Her ability to turn challenges into possibilities left him in awe, finding both captivation and solace in her strength and resilience.

Yet, fear crept into his thoughts as he mulled it over. The idea of laying bare his emotions, risking their friendship, scared him to his core. The delicate balance between friendship and something more weighed heavily on his heart. Talbott's mind became a battleground, torn between a yearning for connection and the dread of losing someone dear.

Within the quiet confines of the Ravenclaw dorm at Hogwarts, Talbott faced a pivotal choice. Would he muster the courage to acknowledge the emotions swirling within, or would he opt for the safety of silence, protecting their friendship? The room held its breath as the weight of his decision hung in the air, an unspoken tension settling within the Ravenclaw dorm. However the day wasn't over yet and Talbott had a surprise waiting for him.

—----

Strolling through the castle, Penny pondered how to create the perfect setup for her friend Talbott to confess to his crush. Ideas swirled in her mind, but the risk of things going south lingered in every scenario.

"Okay, Penny, how can I make this work?" she mused, determined to play matchmaker for her dear friend and another close companion who happens to be her housemate.

"Penny!" Speaking of the devil, Cereza dashed over, a worried expression etched on her face. "Have you seen him?"

It dawned on Penny that Cereza was also on the hunt for Talbott. Suddenly, a mischievous glint in Penny's blue eyes met Cereza's innocent golden gaze, and an idea sparked.

—----

Talbott, succumbing to hunger's insistent tug, decided to brave the Great Hall despite the persistent gossip. The clatter and chatter within, however, drove him away, and he opted for a quieter place for him to eat away from the gossip.

Securing a plate from the Ravenclaw table, he embarked on through the castle's labyrinth, eventually finding himself perched on a secluded staircase, hidden away from the whispers echoing in the corridors.

Lost in his thoughts, Talbott failed to detect the soft footsteps approaching until a familiar voice disrupted his solitude.

"Tal?" The gentle call startled him mid-bite, making him almost choke, and he recognized that one only person called him by this affectionate nickname– Cereza.

Turning his head towards the voice, his eyes widened as Cereza stood at the top of the staircase, her usual Hogwarts uniform replaced by a cozy ensemble: a red sweater from Bill, a white shirt underneath, and a black skirt. The golden hues of her eyes met his startled orange-red gaze as he put his plate aside.

"Cereza?"

"There you are! I was looking for you." Her voice, laced with concern, accompanied her descent to sit beside him. Proximity played its part, and Talbott's face flushed, caught off guard.

"W-What brings you here?" he stuttered, attempting to regain composure.

"Penny told me everything!" The revelation struck like a lightning bolt, sinking Talbott's heart as he felt his body freeze and his stomach act weird.

She did what?

The revelation hung in the air, tension intertwining with the quiet corners of the staircase. Talbott's voice, tinged with a mix of anger and embarrassment, broke through the silence. "She did what?!" The sting of betrayal etched into his words, as he trusted Penny to not tell anyone. “I can't believe she—"

Before he could continue, Cereza's arms enveloped him, pulling him into a hug. Though not a fan of hugs, especially in this awkward situation, Talbott hesitated before slowly reciprocating, feeling his face burn and turn red. The hug, despite its unexpectedness, offered an odd comfort, leaving Talbott uncertain about how to respond as his heart raced.

"I... I didn't want you to find out this way. I wanted to tell you myself," he muttered, his embarrassment palpable.

"It's okay, I'm not mad or anything like that," she consoled him, snuggling closer with her chin on his shoulder. "It's not like this ruined our friendship or anything."

Relief washed over Talbott, but uncertainty lingered. Did her acceptance mean reciprocation, or was it merely understanding?

"How... exactly do you feel about this?" he asked, a mix of excitement and nervousness evident in his voice as he awaited her response.

Cereza took a moment before answering, "What do you mean? Why should my feelings matter about this?"

Confusion knitted their expressions as Talbott withdrew from the hug, staring at Cereza with a puzzled look mirrored in her eyes.

"What exactly did Penny tell you?" The Ravenclaw inquired.

"Uh... that you had feelings for someone, but they rejected you," she answered. "And she wanted me to comfort you because she said you wouldn't open up to her, that's why I hugged you because you know I know it must be hard to deal with these feelings."

Talbott blinked a few times, a surge of realization flooded Talbott. The embarrassment hit him like a wave. Almost confessing his feelings without realizing Cereza didn't know about it and fell into Penny’s lies. He took a deep breath, covering his face in his hands, a mix of frustration and embarrassment washing over him.

"H-Hey! It's okay; no need to feel embarrassed!" she comforted him, attempting to ease the awkwardness. "It was that person's loss anyway!"

Talbott's eyes peeked through his fingers as he still hid his face.

"I mean, you act very serious and sometimes a little cold, and when I first met you, I thought you were a little scary," Cereza nervously giggled, recalling the initial apprehension due to fake rumors and his cold nature. "But... as I got to know you, I saw how smart, nice, and talented you can be. You are an amazing person with a good heart and can be funny at times."

Talbott could feel his heart get warm as Cereza's words hit him, did she really think that about him?

"And besides you are handsome in your way as well." Talbott was caught off guard as Cereza, without much thought, complimented him, calling him handsome in his own way. He felt a flutter of butterflies in his stomach, wondering if such compliments were normal between friends.

"She...thinks I'm handsome...?" he mused to himself.

Before he could process the compliment fully, Cereza, with a kind smile, handed him a pink envelope, its seal adorned with a red heart seal. Talbott took notice of it earlier but hadn't given it much thought until now.

Snapping out of his contemplation, he accepted the envelope as Cereza cheered, "Happy Valentine's day!" Her smile was infectious, leaving Talbott in awe. "I handmade this myself and wrote something for you."

"Thank you," he replied, still captivated by her, holding the letter in his hands. "But...I have nothing for you."

"Don't worry about it. I'm used to not getting something for Valentine's day," she awkwardly giggled, earning a puzzled look from Talbott.

“Really? I thought you had a lot of admirers,” he questioned.

“I mean, only if their letters get eaten by the owls,” Cereza joked, her laughter filling the air. “But either way, I don't really care. Unlike some, I don’t crave attention, and I don’t have a crush on anyone, so it's not like I'm waiting for a Valentine's day gift from anyone, really.”

This revelation surprised Talbott, but it also sparked a glimmer of hope. Maybe she didn't have feelings for him yet, but her lack of interest in others left room for possibilities.

“I'm just surprised that you didn't get anything. I mean, look at you,” Talbott blurted out his thoughts without much consideration.

Cereza, curious and a bit surprised, asked, “What do you mean?”

Caught in his own statement, Talbott mumbled, feeling the heat rise in his cheeks. With a deep breath, he decided to lay his thoughts bare.

His words danced uncertainly through the air, a hesitant escaping his lips. "I mean, you're... you know," he stumbled, gaze shyly drifting away. "Beautiful, kind, gentle—like one of the most remarkable person I've ever known, you truly are a someone with a golden heart. You're incredible, courageous and talented and it baffles me that others haven't seen that.”

As he looked back at her, he was taken aback by her reaction. Cereza appeared surprised, eyes sparkling with awe, her mouth forming a small "o," and her cheeks blushing a shade of red.

“Y-You…r-really think that about me?” she stammered, looking at Talbott in disbelief.

“Yes,” he replied, surprised at his own boldness.

Cereza, unsure of how to respond, nervously tapped her foot, scratching the back of her head. “T-Thank you,” she mumbled shyly, adjusting her round glasses and looking down.

Was she shy? Talbott wondered, questioning the effect his words had on her.

—----

Talbott found solace in the owlery, the quiet refuge where his thoughts could echo undisturbed. Holding the delicate envelope, he replayed the events from hours ago, a smile dancing on his lips—a smile that only someone who has been in loce would understand.

"Did my plan work?” The tranquility shattered as Penny's voice punctured his musings. He turned to find her, a mischievous smirk adorning her face.

"Not as you envisioned," Talbott replied, a roll of his eyes punctuating his words. "Your scheme could've jeopardized my friendship with Cereza."

"I just wanted to help," Penny defended, her tone lingering on a hopeful note. "But you don't look sad or angry, so does that mean..."

"What? Can't I be in a good mood?" Talbott retorted, a hint of sass coloring his voice.

"You're never in a good mood. That's why it's odd," Penny teased, her words dripping with playful mockery.

"Whatever you say, it's not ruining my mood," he hummed with subtle defiance.

Penny's gaze fixated on his hand, noticing the open envelope and the letter within. Curiosity ignited her blue eyes. "Oh, someone got a letter! It's from Cereza, isn't it? She said she was working on something for you after I told her your tragic fake story."

Talbott rolled his eyes once more, still not believing that his friend orchestrated narrative behind his back designed to bring him closer to Cereza.

"Can I see it?" Penny's excitement and curiosity bubbled over.

He clutched the letter protectively, an angry pout decorating his face. "No."

"Come on! It's all thanks to me that this happened," Penny pleaded, with a pout on lips which didn't affect Talbott.

"I don't care, Penny. You are not seeing it!" Talbott continued to deny, frustration audible in his groan.

Penny lunged, attempting to snatch the letter, but he resisted, pushing her away.

"Let me see it!"

"NO!"

—----

In the bustling Great Hall, Cereza sat amidst the lively ambiance, sharing a meal with her brother and the Khanna twins. Yet, her thoughts lingered in the echo of a conversation that unfolded hours ago, casting a spell of distraction. A hand cradling her chin, she stared at her untouched plate, lost in contemplation.

“Cereza?” Rowan's voice cut through the haze, a gentle but insistent call.

Her gaze shifted to the Gryffindor opposite her, Michael by her side. Confusion etched on their faces mirrored her own.

“What?” Cereza responded, her confusion evident. Glancing at Rowen, the Hufflepuff beside her, she noticed he had a concerned look.

“We called you a few times, and you didn't answer,” Rowan explained, her voice tempered by worry. “And you haven't touched your food since we got here. Is everything alright? Did something happen?”

“I-I'm fine, really. I'm just...thinking,” Cereza murmured, her fork absentmindedly tracing patterns on her untouched meal.

“Bullshit!” Michael growled. “You’ve been like this since you talked to Winger. What did he say to you?”

Cereza's eyes widened, cheeks ablaze with a sudden revelation. “How did you know I talked to Tal?”

“I was looking for you earlier, and Penny told me she sent you to talk to Talbott because of his little problem,” Michael explained, his protective tone surfacing. “If he said anything bad to you, I swear—”

Cereza's hands slammed onto the table, her figure rising in an assertive stance. “Stop always assuming the worst of him! Talbott didn't do anything wrong; he's an amazing guy!” Her voice resonated through the Great Hall, drawing glances from nearby students, including her surprised brother.

Shyly retaking her seat, embarrassment colored her features. “Sorry…”

Michael wore a perplexed expression, unused to this side of Cereza. Meanwhile, the Khanna twins, Rowan and Rowen, exchanged knowing glances, sensing that whatever has happend between Cereza and Talbott that day awakened something and whaterver it was, it was starting to blossom.

[svtellify]

link click abilities explained: triggers

cheng xiaoshi, lu guang and li tianxi both unlocked these abilities through some traumatic event as the trigger. cheng xiaoshi's parents just up and disappeared and we don't know much about why. lu guang's entire past is a mystery. tianxi is really the key to figuring this all out. when cheng xiaoshi dives into the photo, it's immediately clear that the connection is... off. in more ways than one. lu guang and cheng xiaoshi lose their connections with each other a LOT. it's almost like the photo itself is flickering to prevent them from figuring too much out - like there's something they can't see there.

more on that later.

at the end of the episode, cheng xiaoshi sees through tianxi's mom's pov. tianxi's beyond traumatized, even if you don't believe her sob story, we saw the past through the picture. it's understandable that such an event would be traumatizing but the mom's death makes no sense - she protected her kids no matter what.

but.

if tianxi had already flickered into her mom (the only other person in the picture with herself) and swung the hammer - she would have killed her dad. and then distraught and also incredibly confused, she would have tried to fix it. but her brother already had a head injury and i doubt she would have realized what was happening. in that trauma, what if she meant to end her own life, but since she was in her mother's body, she ended it herself?

the only thing holding me back from committing to this idea fully is tianchen - and cheng xiaoshi.

tianchen meets a little boy who helps him get something out of the fountain - cheng xiaoshi. despite seeing through tianchen, cheng xiaoshi cannot see the little boy; and when he speaks, the kid doesn't sound like a kid but an adult? moreso, we never see the kid's face. i want to call this an almost orv fourth wall protection type buff on their abilities that prevents cheng xiaoshi from witnessing himself in their dives.

(part of me wonders if lu guang is also tianchen but he has no memories of being tianchen from that traumatic brain injury - hair can turn white from extreme stress too and the ages and sudden connection between these 2 in high school would be explained)

i'm guessing we'll have to wait and see for their backstories to unfold (i've only got one other theory until then and it's even wilder and incorporates qiao ling into it but. idk if anyone wants to read all that lol i'll definitely share if anyone's interested though) but until then, i do believe cheng xiaoshi, at the very least, witnessed li tianxi unlock her powers for the first time when she stepped into her mom by looking at the picture. the rest is up to shiguang to confirm or deny, of course.

[samkiszkasfacialhair]

Amongst The Stars

Amongst the Stars (The Final Version)

Pairing: Jake Kiszka and Female Reader

Summary: A coming of age story about Jake Kiszka’s first love.

This is a one year anniversary republication of Amongst the Stars. This version includes revisions, edits, new cover art, deleted scenes, extras, and an alternative ending.

Warnings: Mentions and scenes of teenage drinking, marijuana use, sex, sexual situations, sexual acts, oral sex (m. receiving), the word slut, slut shaming, lack of eating and sleeping, vomiting, self hate, mentions of pregnancy.

Word Count: 50k

October 2013, Senior Year of High School:

“Project time!” your English teacher chimed out to the class. Groans and sighs erupted throughout the room. You didn’t mind though. School was school. Besides, English was your best subject. You’d always been relatively smart and once you got the hang of it, analyzing literature came easy to you. 

Your teacher explained the concept of the project and then continued with the instructions. 

“I’ll make it easier for you guys, I’ll allow you to work in pairs.” 

Everyone around the room started looking at each other. You exchanged looks with your best friend. You figured you’d work with her. 

“But I’m choosing the pairs,” he said in a somewhat sinister tone.

The groans and sighs from the class continued. You kissed working with your friend goodbye.

He started off on his list of names.

 “Jake Kiszka and,” he dragged out the “and” particularly long, “Y/N.” 

You knew it.

Jake wasn’t exactly the best student and since you were, it was an obvious pairing. You couldn’t blame your teacher for putting you two together. You looked at your friend from across the room and gave her a little frown. She returned the same face to you. 

You’ve known of Jake since you were little. Frankenmuth was a small town so everyone in your high school knew each other. Jake and his brother Josh were on your soccer team when you were seven. Josh was in your fourth grade class. You had a few classes with each of them here and there since middle school, but you never really cared too much about them. Josh was an absolute menace. He was a theater kid who did the morning announcements- pretty weird. Jake was always cooler, a little mysterious even. He had shaggy hair that perfectly covered his forehead and most of his eyes. You thought he was cute but you didn’t really have any reaction to having to work with him. It was what it was.

Class was dismissed and everyone was told to talk to their partners outside of class and have the project ready to present in exactly a week. You and Jake exchanged numbers and texted each other about when and where to meet. The two of you decided that you would go to his house to work on it. 

A few days later, Saturday:

Your mom dropped you off at Jake’s house at around 2 and you texted Jake that you were there. You and Jake planned to knock out the entire project in one day. It wouldn’t take long and you knew what you were doing, even if he didn’t. 

Jake opened the door and flashed you a smile as he greeted you. You walked into his house. It was cute. Very midwestern. Oak furniture was everywhere and pictures of his family lined the walls. You caught a glance at Jake’s school photos from throughout the years as well as his siblings’. 

He led into their dining room, which was attached to the kitchen, and you saw his school supplies sprawled out on the table.

“I share a room with my brothers so it’s probably best to work here,” he began. “But you’ll be happy to know that I actually read the book. Well I read most of it,” he rubbed the back of his neck with his hand and looked down. “The last couple chapters started to confuse me so I just looked up the ending online.” 

You could tell he felt bad about not exactly knowing the ending of the book you had a project on. Kind of embarrassed even.

You let out a light laugh, “It’s okay, I made an outline of everything. I’ll explain it to you.” 

He exhaled a sigh of relief and smiled. 

You both sat down and got to work. You explained the parts he didn’t understand and as you did, he looked right into your eyes and nodded his head as he followed along with your words. Damn he was cute.

As you worked on the project, Jake showed that he understood and put in a lot of unexpected work and ideas. By the time you were done, it was a little after 4 o’clock and you were both satisfied with it. Your mom was set to pick you up closer to 5 so you had some extra time to spare.

“So, now that you taught me something, can I teach you something?” Jake asked, smiling at you secretively.

“Okay what did you have in mind?” You replied as you folded your arms and rested your elbows on the table.

“Follow me.” 

He got up with you following behind him and stopped when he got to a door leading out of the kitchen. He looked back at you with his hand gripping the doorknob.

“I don’t know if you know this, but I play guitar. My brothers and I, we kind of have a set up in here. Don’t laugh, okay?” he looked up at you through his hair like a little kid who was about to tell a big secret. 

You nodded your head as a silent promise that you wouldn’t laugh. He turned the knob and opened the door, biting his bottom lip nervously. His eyes watched you to see your reaction to his little secret.

It was a garage. But Jake’s family’s garage wasn’t an average garage. This garage was filled with music equipment. The concrete floor was covered in Persian rugs, wires, and extension cords. There were multiple amps, a drum kit, 2 keyboards in the corner, a bass, microphones on stands, and a red guitar that was propped up perfectly in the middle of it all. 

The walls were lined with the usual snow shovels, rakes, and tools. There were storage containers and cardboard boxes stacked up in the corners with labels. There was also a couch, TV, and refrigerator too, like it was an extra room in the Kiszka home- an organized mess. 

Your jaw dropped in awe. You had never seen anything like it before.

“Woah” you said as he let you walk in front of him. You looked around the room for a minute, silently taking it all in. 

You looked back at him as he nervously looked at you, breathing shallow, and playing with the skin around his finger nails.

“Soooo, what do you think?” he finally asked.

“This is really cool. You guys have a band or something?”

“Yeah, kind of. Josh sings, Sam picked up bass last year and he does the piano sometimes. Sam’s friend Danny just started on drums with us- he’s good.” 

He picked up the red guitar gently. 

“But this. This is my baby. This is what I want to teach you.”

You reached out to touch it, it was smooth but cold from being in a not well heated garage in the middle of a Michigan October. He put his hand over yours as your fingers glided along the neck of the guitar and as he did, you sucked in a breath. 

You could feel his eyes on you. You pulled your hand away from the contact and nervously put both your hands in your back pockets. You looked down at the ground as Jake put the guitar back on the stand and knelt down to open a black case.

“Now, before you can play that one, you have to get the basics down. At least that’s what my dad told me.” 

He pulled out an acoustic guitar and sat down on the carpet with it in his lap; legs open, bent at the knees. He smiled and motioned with his head for you to sit down with him. 

“C’mere you can hold it,” he said.

You sat down in between his legs and he lifted the guitar over your head and onto your lap. He scooted himself closer to you. You felt his warm chest against your back. He grabbed your wrists gently and placed the left one to wrap around the neck with a “One hand here,” and the right one on the side of the body with “and here.”

He placed his chin over your left shoulder, resting it there lightly. You could feel his breath on you. He smelled amazing, a little cologne smell. Not too strong. Just the right amount. Your heart started beating a little quicker as you felt the insides of his thighs lightly touch the outsides of yours. 

He reached to the table next to him and grabbed a little black pick and put it between your fingers. Jake took your left hand and moved your fingers where he wanted them to be on the strings. He took your right hand in his hand and moved it with his to strum, letting the sound of a chord fill the room. You looked back at him, smiling.

“Pretty,” you said as you turned your neck around to look at him. 

There was a pause before Jake spoke.

“Yeah. Pretty,” he said quietly with his soft raspy voice almost in a whisper, as his eyes darted all over your face.

You turned your head back around, fighting back a smile so that he wouldn’t see. Your heart was fluttering. You had instant butterflies in your stomach. Who would’ve thought Jake Kiszka of all people would be making you feel this way? 

You had to admit, you’d always thought he was a little cute but he never seemed to have much going for him in life. Or so you thought. 

Jake broke the silence after a few seconds by clearing his throat. “Um, okay so here’s another one.” 

He moved your fingers on the neck a little bit to show you another chord. 

He continued, “And these two you can go back and forth with easily when you get comfortable with them.”

He guided your fingers in place as you played the two chords. His right hand still held yours to guide the strumming. He let go gradually as he saw you were getting more comfortable with the placements. 

He let out a little chuckle, “That’s it. You got it.” 

His fingertips just lightly shadowed your hand, barely touching. 

With his head resting on your shoulder, you looked back at him again but this time- your face only an inch away from his. 

“You want to try on your own?” he asked. 

You nodded and he scooted back to give you space to get up. You got up and sat back down across from him. Both of you sat criss-crossed. He placed his elbows on his knees and his hands formed fists under his chin. His guitar rested on your lap and you put your hands and fingers where he showed you. You strummed the first note and looked at him. He was fully smiling with his teeth, waiting for you to do the next one. You went for the second one but your fingers missed a placement, so the chord came out wrong. Both of you let out a little laugh at the wrong note.

“Um,” you said, trying to remember where to put your fingers.

He got up on his knees, moved toward you, and adjusted your fingers to put them in the right place. 

“Try now,” he said, pulling his hands away but still kneeling in front of you.

You strummed and it came out perfect after his help. 

“Beautiful,” he said.

You look up from the guitar to see him looking at you. His teeth tugged at his bottom lip. Your eyes darted from his eyes, to his lips. They were little but they looked soft. You saw Jake’s eyes dart around your face and stop at your lips for longer than normal. 

He looked back at your eyes and asked, “Can I… Can I kiss you right now?”

His eyes turned soft and you could tell he was nervous by the way his breathing was hitching. 

You nodded your head and started to lean into him. He did the same and closed the gap between the two of you. The kiss was slow and soft but over way too soon.

You both opened your eyes and pulled away, searching for something to say or do to make this less awkward. He looked down and smiled to himself and then he looked back at you.

“Um-“ he started to say.

“Do it again,” you whispered.

Jake breathed out and took your chin in his hand. He pushed it up just a little and connected again. This kiss was longer, but still as soft as the first one. You both began to deepen the kiss- going for more of each other. His lips were warm and wet. His lips moved perfectly with yours and sucked you in. He moved his hand to the back of your neck, pulling you in closer.

All of a sudden the garage door swung open and your eyes met a younger boy standing in the doorway.

“Jake! Mom said dinner is rea- oh shit,” his eyes were wide and he started to close the door, leaving quickly. “Shit, I’m sorry!”

Jake breathed out heavily and pulled away from you. His face turned a shade of pink as his hands dropped to his sides. 

“That’s my little brother, Sam,” he explained as he got up from the floor. 

He reached for the guitar and you handed it to him. He put it back in the case and buckled it shut. Jake extended a hand and pulled you up to your feet. 

“Sorry about him. I don’t think anyone really knows you’re here,” he said, tucking his lips into his mouth as his cheeks returned to their normal color.

“Do you want to stay for dinner?” he asked, “my mom wouldn’t mind.”

You looked at your phone, “Thanks but it’s okay-  it’s 5 o’clock. My mom will be here any minute.”

“I’ll walk you out,” Jake said as he started to lead you back inside the house. 

As you entered the kitchen again, you saw the entire Kiszka family in the kitchen and dining room, all fixing and situating themselves for their family dinner.

“Uh you guys this is Y/N. We had a project for school,” Jake spoke, loudly, so they could all hear him over their conversations. They all stopped what they were doing to greet you. Josh waved at you, remembering you from his classes throughout the years.

“What kind of project?” Sam asked, raising his eyebrows suggestively and smiling.

“Shut up,” Jake replied sternly as his eyes shot daggers at Sam, silently letting him know he shouldn’t elaborate.

“Do you want to stay for dinner, Sweetie?” his mom asked as she placed a bowl of pasta on the table.

“Thank you but my mom is here. Smells really good though!” you replied as you followed Jake towards the front door. 

“Nice to meet you!” Sam called out and let out a cackle as Jake opened the front door and closed it behind the two of you.

It was dark outside, just past sunset. You saw your mom’s headlights in front of his house through the trees and bushes. 

“So, I’ll see you at school then?” Jake asked as he rocked back and forth on his toes with his hands in his front pockets. 

“Yeah, just don’t forget to bring the project file on Monday,” you said.

“I won’t. Thanks for helping me with it.”

“It’s not like I had a choice,” you laughed, “thanks for teaching me guitar.”

“Yeah,” he began, a slight smirk appeared on his face, “and I’ll talk to Sam. You know, tell him not to say anything.”

“It’s okay. It’ll happen to him one day.” 

You both laughed and he pulled you in for a hug. The warmth of his body heated you up instantly. He pressed his lips to your cheek softly. You pulled back from the hug, looked at him, and smiled.

“See you Monday,” you said as you walked down the driveway.

He waited for you to get in the car before he headed back inside. He turned around and smiled to himself while also getting ready to kill Sam.

November 2013:

A month had passed since the kiss. You and Jake have talked a bit here and there- mostly through texts. You would pass each other in the hallways with smiles and waves. Whenever his name popped up on your phone screen, you got butterflies. 

You liked him and you knew it. But you wouldn’t ever admit it. Besides, girls always liked Jake. You were probably nothing but a number to him. 

You were working on homework one Friday night when you got a text from him. 

5:47 pm: My parents and siblings just went out. Wanna come over?

Your heart skipped a beat. Every time he texted you, it was a casual, friendly message. But this seemed different. This seemed like an invitation for something else. It made you nervous. 

5:50 pm: Sure :)

That was all you could even think to say. You didn’t want to question him or have any other potential reply come off weird. Sure, this whole thing with Jake made you nervous, but you were also excited. 

5:50 pm: I can come pick you up if you want.

5:51 pm: Okay, see you soon.

You sent Jake your address and in 15 minutes, the headlights of a white Jeep shone through the darkness of the night. 

You told your mom  you were going out with a friend and she was surprisingly okay with that. You walked over to the car and he reached over to open the door from the inside. 

“You have your license?” you asked as you hopped inside.

“No. But I have a permit and a pretty girl in the passenger seat right now so as long as you don’t tell, I won’t,” he said with a smirk on his face.

You bit your lip and you looked down at your hands in your lap as he started the drive back to his house. 

As he reached the first red light, he looked over at you. You didn’t look back but you felt his eyes on you and you could see a small smile that he was trying to hold back appear on his lips out of the corner of your eye. You looked over at him and met his gaze. The stoplight illuminated his face and casted shadows over his nose and his tired, sunken in eyes. He was beautiful. His features were just a little more feminine than Josh’s, but also manly at the same time. He balanced the two perfectly. 

“You look really nice tonight,” he said quietly. 

You smiled at him and whispered, “Thanks.”

The light turned green and he turned his attention back to the road to continue driving. Occasionally, you caught him looking over to you to catch a glimpse. 

“Well, you look nice all the time. But tonight especially,” he corrected himself.

Instantly you felt your stomach flip at his words. Something about him complimenting you brought you back to that moment in his garage last month. It was how his words were just a bit hesitant and how his voice was just above a whisper. It reminded you that you were in fact going back to his house with him now. Alone.

“You look really nice tonight, too,” you replied. 

“I try,” he replied jokingly.

He moved his hand onto the center console and tapped his fingers to the song on the radio as he drove. You looked at his fingers tapping. The veins at the top of his hand protruded as his fingers moved. 

You remembered the way his hand felt on top of yours while holding his guitar. His hands were rough and calloused from the guitar playing. But they were gentle at the same time. Again, perfectly balanced. 

The sound of his voice speaking brought you out of the daydream you were having.

“Your Touch,” he said.

“Hm?” 

“The song,” he said softly, “Your Touch, by The Black Keys.”

“Oh,” you replied as casually as possible, “You, uh, you like them?”

“Yeah,” he answered, “One of my favorites. You ever listen to ‘em?” 

You shook your head.

“No?” He responded as he looked over at you and raised his eyebrows, “Hm. Good to know.”

He held back a smile and turned his attention back to the road.  

You couldn’t begin to explain how or why but in that moment, something took over you. It was almost like Jake was a magnetic force, pulling you in.

You slid your hand on top of his softly and stopped his fingers from moving. You held his hand there for a moment, not really sure what to do next. He flipped his hand over so his palm was up and he wrapped his fingers around yours. He rubbed your hand with his thumb with his eyes glued to the road.

You smiled to yourself and tried to control your emotions. It was hard. Jake made it almost impossible. But Jake was easy to be with. Even though he made you excited and nervous, he was also very calming. 

The drive back to his house was quiet, but never awkward. When he pulled into the driveway of the dark, ranch house, you both got out of the car and you followed him inside. He took your coat from you and put it on a hook next to the door. 

“Want anything to eat? Drink? We have beer,” he asked, making his way towards the kitchen, flicking on light switches as he walked through the house. He pulled a beer from the refrigerator and held it up.

“Sure,” you replied. 

Jake grabbed another from the refrigerator and took the caps off both bottles. He handed you one and extended his bottle to you. You clinked the bottle necks together and each took a sip. 

“So where is everyone?” you asked as you leaned against the kitchen counter. You were genuinely curious as to why he was the only one home on a Friday night. 

“Sam had some honors awards ceremony. I told them I had homework.”

“Since when does Jake Kiszka do homework?” you asked, smirking.

“Since I got an A on an English project a month ago,” he replied, smiling at you with his head tilted. 

His expression turned just a bit more serious and he continued, “But you know, with them gone for the next hour, it gives us some time to hang out. Uninterrupted,” he said as he took a swig of the beer and didn’t break eye contact the entire time.

“Hm,” was all you could say before he walked towards you. 

He brushed past your side, beer in hand, and leaned into you to speak.

“Come on, I’ll show you around.”

He grabbed your hand, pulled you out of the kitchen, and down the hallway.

You followed him through the house and eventually down a hallway. He gestured towards doors and told you what was behind each one. Living room (which you’ve seen from afar before), basement, his parent’s room, sister’s room, and a bathroom. He stopped at the final door at the end of the hallway. 

“And this? This is my room,” he said as he opened the door and extended his hand for you to go through first. 

He flicked on the lightswitch to reveal a medium sized blue bedroom with three twin sized beds. Two on each side of the room and then one farther away, in a little corner carved out on the other side of a closet.

“Me, Josh, and Sam,” he said as he pointed at each bed. 

You could see how they each decorated their spaces differently. Josh had film posters, sketches, and photos all over the wall by his bed. He had a shelf cluttered with trinkets and ornately decorated boxes above the head of his bed.

Sam’s was the bed tucked away in the corner. He had posters of a lot of older artists, and a ton of books; all neatly organized in contrast to Josh’s. There was a tall dresser in between Sam’s little corner and the closet with a record player on top and a stack of vinyls piled high.

Jake’s space was cool. He had posters of artists that were more modern and well known than what was on Sam’s wall, with a few older ones in the mix too. Soccer trophies were propped on a shelf above the head of the bed. And the acoustic guitar you and Jake played was leaning against a nightstand that separated his bed and Josh’s bed. 

Jake sat down on his bed and put his beer on the nightstand. “So, what do you think?” 

“It’s nice. It’s very…you,” you replied.

“And what exactly is ‘very me?’” he asked.

“You know, interesting, cool,” 

“You think I’m cool?” 

“Well, yeah…”

“For what it’s worth, I think you’re cool too. I like you.”

The phrase I like you replayed in your head for a second. He liked you. He just said it. No one has ever said that to you before, at least not in the way Jake just did. In a romantic way. 

You felt your heart warm up a little and all you could do was smile at him shyly.

Jake placed his hand on the spot next to him on his bed, looked at it, and looked up at you with eyes that said Are you going to stand there or do you want to sit here next to me?

You let out a small laugh and sat down next to him. He took your beer bottle and placed it on the nightstand next to his. You looked at each other for a minute. Neither of you spoke, but your eyes wandered all over each other’s faces.

“So, do you want to pick up where we left off?” he asked, putting his head down but looking up at you with his hair covering most of his eyes. Maybe you weren't the only nervous one after all.

“Yeah, like you said- uninterrupted. Right?” you asked, smiling. 

He took your face in his right hand and rubbed your cheek with his thumb. 

You heard him let out “Yeah,” in a soft whisper that was barely audible. 

As he held your face, his rough fingers contrasted with your skin. He leaned in closer to you and you could feel your heart fluttering. He was close to you and the anticipation was killing you both. You had thought about doing this again since that day in the garage. It was practically the only thing you could think about for the past month. But you would never tell him that.

“Just tell me to stop and I will,” he whispered. 

You nodded and connected your lips with his. You brought your hand to the back of his neck and pulled him in closer, deepening the kiss. His hair tickled your cheeks as his jaw moved. His tongue traced over your bottom lip and you let him in. You let out a sigh and you felt him smile into the kiss. 

His mouth tasted like beer, spearmint, and a hint of something sweet that you couldn’t quite put your finger on, but you liked it. Almost chocolatey. 

Jake grabbed your waist and lowered you down on his bed, hovering over you. Your hands traveled up the sides of his body and along his back until you reached the back of his neck. You gave it a couple squeezes and flexed your fingers through the hair at the base of his neck. He had one hand supporting his weight on the bed and the other holding onto your hip bone. 

His lips wrapped around yours perfectly with every kiss and his tongue teased yours lightly every so often. The two of you continued like that for a few minutes. 

He broke away and smiled at you before lowering his mouth to your jaw and neck, leaving a trail of kisses as he got closer to your collarbone. He slid his tongue along the thin skin of it and started working his way back up.

“Jake,” you sighed.

He stopped, picked his head up, and looked at you.

“Are you okay? Is this okay?”

You gave him a little smile, biting your bottom lip. His eyes were wide and filled with concern, but softened once he saw your smile. 

“Yeah, keep going, I like it,” you whispered.

A small, closed mouth smile crept onto his face.

“Whatever you say,” he said as he connected your lips again. 

His hands slid along your hips and up a little onto your stomach, pushing your shirt up slightly. His lips made their way to your jaw again, just below your ear. 

You tangled your fingers in his hair and ran your other hand up his back and in between his shoulder blades.

“Mmm,” you breathed out as he continued there, knowing he hit a sweet spot on you. You felt him breathe out through his nose and his lips move into a smile, almost as if he was laughing. He seemed to be very pleased with himself. There was no doubt he was going to leave a mark but Jesus Christ his lips felt too good to care.

You gave the hair at the bottom of his head a pull and he lifted his chin back up, making eye contact with you again. You both let out a little laugh and he sat up. He was between your legs, sitting back on his heels. Jake pushed his hair out of his face and looked down. 

“I guess we should stop before, you know…” he trailed off the ending of his sentence, lifting his head and tilting it to peek at the spot on your neck he spent a little too much time on.

“Yeah,” you said,  running your hands through your scalp and pushing your hair back. 

You sat up and leaned against his headboard, running your fingers through your hair.

You ran your hand over the spot on your neck and rubbed it out a little. He leaned toward you and grabbed your wrist, pushing it down gently. He placed his hand on the spot and gently rubbed on it with his thumb a few times before pulling away.

You picked up the beer bottles off his night stand, handing him his. 

“So,” you started, “do you have girls over here often?” 

Jake’s eyebrows furrowed and he looked at you, confused. “No, not really. Just the ones I like,” he smirked at you. “And like I said… I like you,” he said.

“What do you like about me?” you asked.

Jake laughed, tilted his head to look at the ceiling, and counted on his fingers as he spoke, “Well, I like that you’re smart. You’re pretty- that helps, he said, flashing a full smile at you. 

You looked down at your hands shyly and bit your bottom lip. 

Jake continued “I like the way you look at me when you think I can’t see you. I like the way your hair falls when you play with it. I like how you look down and bite your lip when you’re embarrassed. Kind of like what you’re doing now.”

He was good. 

You looked back up at him. His eyes were soft again. 

“Jake, I don’t know what to say,” you whispered, nervously.

“Say you like me back. I know you want to.” 

He was right. You wanted to. You wanted to more than anything in the world.

You put the beer back down on the nightstand and ran your hand through his hair, bringing your fingers down to graze his face. You held his chin and you could feel the tiniest bit of soft, facial hair poking through. 

“I like you, Jake.” 

Instantly, you felt the weight of the world lift off your shoulders. That little secret you’ve been holding in for a month- finally he knew.

A little, satisfied chuckle left his lips. He leaned in and gave you the most gentle kiss. 

When he pulled back you let go of his face and grabbed his hands from his lap and held onto them. 

“Can I tell you what I like about you?” you asked, looking into his eyes.

“Go on,” he said playfully, giving you that silly little kid look. 

You started, “I like your eyes. They’re dreamy.” 

Your right hand brushed his hair off his forehead to get a good view of them and then you let it drop back into his lap.

You started to play with his fingers and looked down at them as you spoke.

“I like your hands. They’re big, and rough. And I like holding them.” 

You looked back up at Jake to see that he was giving you the sweetest smile you had ever seen. You melted from that look alone.

“I like how you put your hand behind your neck when you’re nervous. I like how when I’m talking to you, you look right at me. I like how you know what you want and you go for it.”

“You’re what I want,” he whispered.

“You want me?” 

Jake nodded slowly with his mouth open just a bit as his tongue licked his bottom lip.

“You have me,” you replied in a whisper.

Jake brushed your hair away from your ear and kissed you again. Deeper. There was more passion behind this kiss than any other the two of you had shared. This one had meaning. 

You continued at each other for a few minutes until  you were interrupted by a ding of his phone. He pulled it out of his pocket and read the screen. 

“Ah, shit. It’s Josh. I told him to text me when they were about to leave. Can I take you home?” 

“Yeah no problem,” you said as you got up from his bed and followed him out of his room. 

The two of you started down the hallway back to the front door. 

“So, Josh knows I’m here?” you asked as you put your coat on and as he grabbed a set of keys off a table by the door. 

“Well, yeah. I trust him and I didn’t want this to end up like last time. You know with Sam and everything. Sorry if you didn’t want anyone to know. But I promised I would do it for him if the roles were reversed.” 

He was doing it again- grabbing the back of his neck and looking down. You could tell he felt bad. 

You grabbed his hand from behind his head and pulled it down in front of him, holding it with both your hands. 

“Hey, it’s okay,” you reassured him, “I don’t mind.” 

He looked up at you and breathed a small sigh of relief. 

You both left the house and he locked the door behind you. As you two stepped into the cold November night he turned around and stopped you.

“Does this mean we’re…” he trailed off.

“We’re what?” you asked, already anticipating what he was going to say.

“You know, like boyfriend and girlfriend? God, it sounds so stupid when I say it out loud,” he laughed.

You gave him a peck on the lips. 

“It’s not stupid,” you said as you kept your face just an inch away from his and smiled at him. 

“So, yes?” he asked, almost wincing.

“Yes,” you assured him with a smile. You pulled his hand to lead him to the car.

He drove you home and pulled into your driveway. You weren’t exactly sure how to say goodbye to him but before you got out of the car, he turned to you. 

“By the way, I’ve never had a girl in my room before. Until today of course. I mean- besides my sister. So you’re like, the fir-” 

Jake had a habit of over explaining when he got nervous.

“Shhh,” you said, grabbing his chin and bringing it closer to yours. You kissed him softly; and it took him a second, but he returned the kiss to you. You pulled away, both smiling.

At that exact moment, genuine happiness filled your entire body. Jake Kiszka. Who would have thought?

He watched you walk inside and drove away once your front door closed. 

Jake got back home just in time for his family to arrive back, unsuspecting of the events which took place that night. Except Josh, who spotted two beer bottles on the nightstand when he walked in the room to go to bed. He took them outside and buried them deep in the garbage can to cover up for Jake. 

December 2013:

You and Jake had been together for about a month now. He stopped sneaking you into his house about a week after you two made it official. His parents approved of the two of you. Yours did as well. He had gone to your house and met your parents and they really liked him. But your parents were home a lot, and his parents were more easy going. So you spent more time at his house. 

School had just gotten out for winter break. Typically, you would go home after school with Jake on days he didn’t have band practice. You usually did homework with him, and then the two of you went to his room to be alone for a bit. Sometimes Jake would show you music he liked, or he’d roll you a joint to share from the (terrible quality) weed he stole from Josh; and the two of you would smoke for a bit.

You did other things too. Like most teenagers, you and Jake started exploring a little more of each other’s bodies. It had gone just far enough to the point you were both comfortable with. You’d been each other’s first experience for a few things so far. 

It started with heavy make out sessions that quickly led to more. Jake asked if it was okay if his hands wandered, which it was. It was more than okay. You would guide his hands to where you wanted them and he’d do the same for you. 

What started as feeling each other above clothes turned into feeling each other under clothes, to say the least. 

You would each go further a little bit every time it happened, testing the waters on each other to see how far you were both willing to go. Jake never took things too far though. He knew you were hesitant about doing some things and he never took it farther than you wanted it to go. 

When Sam came home from school, you usually moved to the living room or basement until Jake’s parents came home from work. Josh respected the situation but Sam didn’t exactly understand it yet. You never did anything explicit in front of Sam of course, but it was awkward with Sam in the boys’ room doing his homework while you and Jake were doing couple things; or as Sam called it, “Tainting his innocence.”

You were on the couch in the Kiszka living room, laying down longways with your head in Jake’s lap as he played with your hair. You both listened to Sam and Josh debate the best way to decorate their Christmas tree. 

His brothers’ conversation faded in the background as Jake spoke to you.

“What are you doing for Christmas?” he asked as he rubbed your hairline with his thumbs lightly.

“Same as every year. My dad’s side of the family is coming over. It’ll probably be pretty boring to be honest.” 

“Do you want to come here? I mean, I’m sure your family wants to spend time with you. But, maybe for a little bit?” 

You smiled up at him and licked your bottom lip. “Okay, I’ll ask my mom.” 

Jake leaned his head down and placed an upside down kiss on your lips. With your lips still locked, you smiled into him, causing your mouths to separate. He poked your teeth with his tongue playfully. His shaggy hair fanned over your chin and tickled you, making you giggle.

“Get a room!” Sam yelled, bringing you both back to reality.

“I have one but someone doesn’t approve of me being in there with my girlfriend,” Jake snapped back.

“Because you guys do weird things in there! My poor virgin eyes have seen enough!” 

You laughed and Jake rolled his eyes and scoffed. 

“Sam, you’re fourteen! Get over it!” Jake said.

“I will not!” Sam replied.

“One day you’ll understand,” Jake said, shaking his head.

“Yeah, maybe. But that day is not today!” Sam replied firmly.

You got up, held your hand out to Jake. He took it and you pulled him off the couch.

“Come on,” you said, “lets’ go make out on Sam’s bed.” 

Jake smiled a devilish smile and let a laugh out of his nose. He picked you up, holding you just under your butt, and ran out of the room with you. Both of you laughed as he carried you out of the room.

“No! Come on! Are you serious? Jesus Christ, no! Jake, I swear to God!” Sam’s voice faded away as Jake carried you down the hall and into the boys shared room, locking the door behind him.

December 25 , 2013:

You asked your mom about going to the Kiszka’s for Christmas and she agreed to let you go after dinner. The plan was that she would drop you off as long as Jake would bring you home, which he agreed to. 

You arrived at the Kiszka’s house at around 7:30 pm. Jake walked out to the driveway to get you. He greeted your mom and promised to have you home that night. As you both walked back up his driveway and towards the front door- you stopped him. 

“Jake, wait. I’m… I’m kind of nervous about this,” you admitted.

“About what? Meeting my cousins and stuff?” he asked.

You looked down at both your feet and nodded your head. He held your lower back and lifted your chin with his index finger so your eyes met his.

“Hey,” he began, “you don’t have anything to worry about. They’re going to love you.” 

He placed a gentle kiss on your forehead and looked up at you through his hair. 

“Okay? Breathe for me, baby,” he said calmly.

You closed your eyes, took a deep breath in, and let your shoulders relax as you exhaled.

“Good, Baby,” he whispered, “Come on, I got you,"

He let go of your chin, took your hand, and led you into the house. 

The six Kiszkas you knew were loud. That was a fact. However, a house full of thirty Kiszkas was a completely different story. There were people of all ages everywhere- drinking, talking, yelling, and running around.

Jake introduced you to his grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. They were all very welcoming and took to you right away. He was right, you really didn’t have anything to worry about. 

You and Jake hung out with his family for a while. His mom bragged about you. His aunts loved you. They wanted to know all about how you met and how you’re putting up with him. His grandmother called you “Honey” and told you stories about Jake when he was little. You laughed while he rolled his eyes and begged her to stop.

You talked with his cousins for a while too. A lot of them were close to your age and you discovered you had a lot of shared interests with them. 

Josh was floating around the room butting into everyone’s conversations, looking and sounding like he drank more than he should have. Sam and Ronnie were busy with their noses in the instruction manual of some electronic Sam had gotten as a gift.

Jake’s grandfather called him over and whispered something in his ear. Jake gave you a be right back look. He returned to his grandfather with two red solo cups and his grandfather poured scarlet liquid in them from a pitcher on the dining room table. Jake walked over to you, drinks in hand. He extended one out to you. 

“It’s whiskey, cranberry juice, sour mix, and a ‘secret ingredient.’ My grandpa makes it every year and he finally let Josh and I have it this year. My mom doesn’t know though, she would kill him. But it’s good, try it.” 

You lifted the cup to your mouth and instantly you could smell the alcohol. Well this explains Josh’s tipsy state, you thought to yourself as you took a sip.

The drink was strong, but it tasted good. Like cinnamon. It was a good holiday drink, perfect for the occasion. You smiled at Jake and he looked at his grandfather, giving him a little finger gun motion.

“Come here I have something I want to show you,” Jake said as he pulled you down the hall and into his room, closing the door behind him. 

The loud noises of the Kiszka family became muffled by the closed door.

He sat you down on his bed and he went down on his knees to reach under it.

“Close your eyes,” he said with one hand still hidden under the bed while the other hand held his cup. 

You closed your eyes and felt him place something in your lap.

“Okay… open your eyes.”

You looked down at your lap to see a small silver box with a little red ribbon on top.

 “Jake,” you started, “We agreed- no presents!”

“I know, I know. But, you mean a lot to me and I just- I don’t know. I wanted to,” he explained.

You put your cup on his nightstand and unwrapped the bow, looking at Jake before completely opening the box. Jake’s face in that moment brought you back to when he opened the garage door to you for the first time. He was excited but also apprehensive about your reaction. 

You opened the box to reveal a gold necklace with a charm of your first initial shining brightly in the dim light of his bedroom. 

“Jake,” you whispered.

“Do you like it?” he asked, still on his knees in front of you.

“I love it, it’s perfect. Thank you.” 

You leaned down to kiss him. Your lips joined for a minute and he stood up, never breaking the connection. You pulled away as he got higher and you were still sitting.

“Can you help me put it on?” You asked him. 

“Of course. Hold this for a second,” he said, extending his cup out to you and you exchanged the necklace for the cup.

With the necklace in hand, Jake kneeled on his bed behind you. He moved your hair to one side of your neck and draped the necklace over your head, clasping it in the back. His hands traveled down your back and around your waist as he kissed the exposed spot on your neck. 

“Merry Christmas, Y/N,” he said in his soft, raspy voice. 

His voice sent vibrations through your body and made you shiver in the best way.

“Mmm. Merry Christmas, Jake,” you replied with a smile spreading wide across your face.

He reached around you and grabbed the cup from your hand, drinking the remainder of what was in it. He got back to his feet and walked over to the nightstand to place his empty cup on the nightstand next to yours. He leaned against it and placed his hands on the edge of it.

“Want to relax here for a little? It’s kind of loud out there,” he said, motioning his head towards the door.

“Sure,” you began, “I really like your family though.”

“I think they like you too. I told you you had nothing to worry about,” he said with a little I told you so smirk and raised eyebrows.

Jake unbuttoned his flannel shirt the rest of the way, and pulled it off his shoulders. The warm light of his room casted shadows and highlighted the muscles in his back and arms. Your eyes trailed down to his stomach, his barely there ab muscles flexed as he turned his body to throw the shirt across the room. Above his belt he had just a little bit of fat that rested on his hips. His body wasn’t perfect, but to you it was. 

He undid his belt, kicked off his pants, and tossed both into a hamper by the closet. He opened the bottom drawer of the nightstand and pulled out a t- shirt and a pair of boxers. 

He held them out to you and said, “If you want to wear something more comfortable.”

You pulled your sweater over your head, let it fall to the floor, and threw on his shirt. Jake pretended to look away but you caught his eyes wandering a few times.

As you unbuttoned your jeans, you saw him do his nervous neck grab again, and caught his eyes peeking around.

“I know what you’re doing,” you giggled as you threw your pants at him and put on the boxers.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he replied with a sly smirk lighting up his face.

Jake has seen your body before. In fact, he’s seen more of you than this before. But for some reason, this little moment was different.

Maybe it was because it was Christmas. Maybe it was because of the alcohol. Or maybe it was because your feelings towards each other were growing stronger and you both knew it- but were just a little too shy to say anything.

Jake sat down on his bed, leaned against the headboard and stretched his legs out. You climbed in between his legs and sunk into his body. He was warm. His skin was soft. His body around you like this reminded you of the time in the garage. However, it was more intimate this time. You were in his bed, he was practically naked underneath you, and you were in his clothes.

You felt completely secure and safe in his arms. You leaned your head against his shoulder. He kissed the top of your head and pulled the covers over the both of you.

You closed your eyes as Jake traced patterns on your upper arm with his fingertips underneath his blanket.

“Don’t forget you have to take me home later,” you mumbled.

“Mmhmm,” he hummed, gently grabbing your head and pushing your hair out of your face.

You woke up the next morning with heavy eyes. You felt a huge weight on your back. You opened your eyes to see Jake, shirtless, with his arm draped over you.

You squinted your eyes as the sun shone through the window next to his bed and lit up the room. You picked your head up and looked over at him. He was fast asleep. 

“What the fu-” you start to say.

“Mmm, baby go back to sleep,” Jake answered in a deep, raspy voice. His arm that rested on your back pulled your body closer to his. 

You sat up on your elbow and looked at the clock on his nightstand. 

10:24 AM. 

Next to the clock were the two empty cups that were once full of liquor. You looked around the room. Josh was passed out with one leg dangling off his bed, his face deep in his pillow, and breathing with his mouth open. 

Sam was gone, thankfully.

You pulled Jake’s arm off you, reached for your phone, and sat up. Eleven missed calls and countless texts from your mom. Fuck.

“Jake, baby, get up,” you said as you gave his side a little nudge.

He breathed in deep and opened his eyes, blinking a few times. His normally tired eyes looked even more tired than usual as he fought to keep them open.

“You were supposed to take me home last night. My mom is going to kill me. And my dad? Oh God, my dad is going to kill you.”

Jake instantly perked up when he realized the situation at hand. 

“Oh shit,” he said, ripping the covers off himself and getting out of bed.

Silently, you both got up and started getting changed back into your clothes. He tossed your clothes onto the bed and reached into the hamper to get his from last night. 

You kept Jake’s shirt on and held your sweater in your arms. You looked down at your phone, thinking of how you could possibly explain this to your parents as Jake put his shoes on. 

The door to the bedroom opened and in walked Sam with a toothbrush sticking out of his mouth. 

“Have fun last night?” Sam asked suspiciously as he walked over to his bed. 

He continued, “You know, Christmas is a sacred holiday. It is the day of Jesus’ birth. It is not a day to fu-”

“Oh my God! Sam, would you shut up already?” Jake yelled.

With the raise of Jake’s voice, Josh jolted in bed with a gasp. He relaxed when he opened his eyes briefly to see he was in his own bed. 

“It’s too early for this, go back to sleep,” he groaned in a tired voice. He rolled over, pushed his entire face back into his pillow, and covered himself up completely in his comforter. 

Sam walked out of the room with a towel on his arm and a smirk on his face. As if he knew some kind of top secret information. Like, Jake was going to be in big trouble. Based on Sam’s reaction, you wondered if Jake’s parents knew you were still there. 

Jake turned to you, “Stay here for a second, I’m gonna go see if my parents are around.”

He walked out the room and closed the door most of the way behind him. You heard a faint conversation between him and his mom coming from the living room.

After a few minutes, the door opened again and Jake came through, breathing deep and handing you a bottle of water.

“Okay,” he began slowly, “They know you’re here. But I told them nothing happened and I think they believe me. They’re not mad. They’re mostly pissed at me because I didn’t take you home last night like I promised.”

You got up from his bed and smiled at him.

“Well, you’re taking me home now, aren’t you? So you kept half the promise.” 

Jake smiled back and gave you a little kiss on the lips. 

“Come on, go say bye to my parents and get in the car. I have some explaining to do with your parents,” he laughed nervously.

You got home and explained the situation to your parents. Jake apologized and they accepted it. They were still pretty mad and told you that you couldn’t see Jake for the rest of winter break. You couldn’t blame them. 

However, you planned to text during the day and call each other every night to talk. The texting and calling helped but you still missed him. You missed the things you couldn’t get through a phone.

You missed his touch. You missed the way his hair fluttered around your face when he kissed you. You missed the way his eyes lit up when he talked about stuff he liked. You missed the way he looked at you when you explained stuff to him. But most of all, you missed the way he made you feel. Safe. And loved.

That night, Sam laid awake in his bed, unable to sleep. He whispered to Jake to see if he was awake. Jake replied that he was.

“So…how do you kiss a girl?” Sam asked shyly.

Jake laughed lightly, “I’ll explain tomorrow. Go to sleep, Sammy.”

January 2014:

Your parents warmed back up to Jake after a bit of time and allowed you to continue going to his house after school and on weekends. Sam grew to be more accepting of your relationship after a conversation with Jake about girls over winter break. Now instead of gagging noises when you two did anything in front of him, he blew little air kisses at you. 

It was Sunday and neither of you had responsibilities for the day. It was snowing outside and the area was expected to get about 10-12 inches so you were sure school would be canceled the next day. The roads were already covered with snow and ice. Your parents knew you’d have to end up sleeping at Jake’s house until the roads were cleared. Jake’s mom assured her that you would sleep in the basement and Jake would sleep in his room. Doors open. 

You sat on the floor of Kiszka’s living room with Jake. You sat a foot away from each other, throwing popcorn into each other’s mouths and giggling while Josh laid on the couch with his eyes attached to the screen in front of him.

“Are you guys seriously going to do that the entire time?” Josh asked, his eyes still not leaving the screen as he spoke.

“I’m sorry Josh, would you like to join us? We could all cuddle later if you want too?” Jake teased.

Josh rolled his eyes. 

“Very funny. Ha. Ha. You know,” he began, talking with his hands flailing around, “this film is absolute perfection. The film noir elements are so subtle, yet strong. Even for the time period, it really stands out as one of the most well thought out displays of cinematography to date. I mean just look at the camera work here! The shadows! The way it pans out! AH! SO GOOD!” 

His eyes went back to being glued on the screen, paying the utmost attention to his film and resting his chin in his hand.

Josh was in his element. His own little world. Film was something he loved. He could study it for hours. He didn’t plan on moving from that spot on the couch for the rest of the day.

“Want to go outside?” Jake suggested, raising his eyebrows at you. 

“Now? Isn’t it snowing?” you asked.

“What, you’ve never played in the snow before?” 

He tilted his head at you and started to get up. He lifted you to your feet, grabbed the popcorn bowl off the floor, and placed it in Josh’s lap.

Jake turned to Josh before following you out of the room and down the hall.

“We’re gonna go outside if you want to come,” he offered.

“Mmm,” Josh mumbled, waving Jake away, eyes not moving from the screen.

You and Jake walked down the hall, and into his room to get his boots and coat. As you entered, you stopped when you saw Sam laying on the floor in the middle of the room. His eyes were closed, his legs were crossed at his ankles, and his hands rested behind his head. A small smile formed on his face as a record of blues music played from the record player on top of the boys’ dresser.

Jake stepped over him and reached into the closet to grab what he needed. Sam had no idea either of you were in the room and he started humming and moving his head to the song. 

You looked down at Sam and smiled, seeing how content and at peace he was in his own little musical world. Just like Josh was in the living room with his film. If there was one thing Sam loved, it was music.

You both put on your coats and hats and walked into the kitchen to leave through the backdoor. Both Jake’s mom and dad were in the kitchen baking with Ronnie. 

“You guys going outside?” Karen asked, putting a tray of cookies in the oven.

“Mmhm,” you and Jake replied in unison.

“Have fun,” Kelly said as he wiped down the countertops and tossed the paper towel in the garbage.

Jake opened the back door and ushered you out. The snow had stopped falling momentarily and Jake’s backyard looked right out of a movie scene. Snow had stuck to the bare tree branches, turning them white. A perfect white blanket of snow covered the grass with some tiny squirrel footprints trailing across the yard. 

Jake walked across the deck with you following behind him. There was a path carved out from where his dad shoveled through earlier. 

“Be careful, this is where I cracked my head open when I was three,” he said as he hopped down the steps and out onto the snow covered grass. “I told you about that right?” 

“Ha, yeah once or twice,” you replied. 

Jake loved to tell you stories about him nearly dying during his childhood. There were many. His poor mother.

Jake held his hand out to you and you took it in yours as you walked down the steps, careful not to step on any patches of ice.

You stood on the last step and stopped to face him. His shaggy bangs covered his eyes and poked out of the bottom of his knitted beanie. Standing on the step made you a couple inches taller than usual and your eyes were perfectly even with his. His nose had turned a little red from the cold already and you kissed the tip of it. He smiled and repeated the action to you. 

“Hop on,” he said as he turned around, motioning you to piggyback him. 

You only had sneakers on and he had proper snow boots, so there was no way you could walk through 8 inches of snow on your own. You jumped onto his back and wrapped your arms around his neck. He wrapped his arms under your legs and lifted you up higher on him. You rested your chin on his shoulder and he started through the snow. 

You turned your face into the side of his neck just by his ear and pressed kisses to his skin as he continued to walk, slowing his steps as you got closer to the spot on his neck that made him weak everytime.

“If you keep doing that, I’m gonna end up dropping you,” he warned playfully. 

“I know you wouldn’t,” you returned his playful tone and continued sprinkling him with kisses.

He stopped walking and turned his face towards yours.

“What if I did? What would you do if I dropped you right now?” he smirked.

“Jake, if you drop me in this snow-”

“Yeah? What would you do?” he chuckled, raising his eyebrows. 

He knew you didn’t have any line of defense here and he held all the power in his hands. He could easily throw you backwards into the snow right now.

“I will kick you in the balls so hard, you’ll never have kids,” you warned. 

Part of you was joking, but the other part was serious.  

“Oooh, is that a threat or a promise?” he said suggestively.

You tapped him lightly on his cheek and pushed his face away, mimicking a smack.

He kept walking until he got to a picnic table in the middle of the yard. He extended one arm to push some snow off it, revealing a portion of the wooden surface. He turned around and let you sit down on it. Your legs dangled off the sides and Jake turned his body around to face you. He grabbed your face in his hands, cupping your jaw. He placed a soft kiss on your lips. 

“Can I tell you something?” he asked.

“Mhm, anything,” you replied, nodding your head.

He put his hand behind his neck. You knew he was nervous. 

“I…” he sighed, “Nevermind, it’s.. it’s stupid,” he stuttered.

“Jake, you can’t say you want to tell me something and then not say it.” 

“Nevermind, really, it’s stupid. I’ll tell you later. Not now,” he shook his head.

“Okay fine but promise you’ll tell me later?” you asked as you grabbed his chin. 

He nodded as his eyes darted all over your face- almost like he was searching your face for an answer to something he wasn’t sure of.

You both paused there for a moment, just looking at each other.

You broke eye contact with him and picked up some of the fresh, fluffy snow off the table and held it in your hand. You opened your palm in front of his face and blew it on him. His eyes shut tight and he scrunched up his nose at the sudden cold feeling on his face. He opened his eyes, his mouth hung open, and he let out a breath, shocked. 

You laughed seeing him caught off guard. A smile appeared across his face and his eyes grew wild with mischief. Suddenly, he nuzzled his cold, wet, face in your neck; kissing you with snowflakes shivering your skin. 

“Jake!” you playfully whined as you wiggled your head and shoulders to get his cold face away from your neck.

Jake placed one arm under your legs and the other arm around your back, swooping you up bridal style off the table. He started back towards the house with you in his arms.

“Let’s go, Baby. Back inside. No more snow for you,” he huffed. He kissed you on your temple as he hitched you up.

As he was trudging through the snow with his heavy boots, he missed a step and tripped with you in his arms. He still had you but both of you gasped and breathed out with sighs of relief and chuckles when he got his balance again.

He looked down at you in his arms, “Did you think I was going to let you go?” He questioned.

“For a second there, yeah!” you admitted, laughing.

“You’re lucky. You came close to going down,” he replied, smiling.

“You would let me fall?” you asked innocently, raising your eyebrows at him.

“What, like this?” he asked as he faked you out. He let you drop for a second before catching you again. 

You squealed and gripped his neck tighter. Jake was bending down with you hanging in his arms. Your body was a foot off the ground, and your hair was falling behind you. 

“Yeah? What are you gonna do now?” he said as he lowered you down further, your body now just a few inches from the ground. His smile lit up his face as he spoke and his entire body vibrated from laughing.

“You know what I said I’d do if you dropped me,” you smiled with your tongue between your teeth and raised your eyebrows at him. 

“Try me,” he whispered.

And with that, thud. He dropped you right into the snow. You felt the cold surround your body, shocking you slightly. Your jaw dropped as you looked up at him. Your body was frozen both figuratively and literally. 

His bright smile was huge on his face. His shoulders moved up and down as he laughed nervously. He wasn’t sure if he just made a huge mistake. 

Jake reached his hand out to you to pull you up and you took it. He started to bring you to your feet when you shot your foot up to his groin, and made contact. He let go of your hand, plopping you back into your spot in the snow. 

“Ohh!” He groaned as he grabbed himself and spun in a circle around himself, hunched over a little. 

“Hahaha! I told you I would!” you laughed.

“You’re gonna get it now,” he said, lunging towards you. 

“Jake!” you screeched.

He threw himself on top of you and laughed before he kissed you hard, pushing both of you down deeper into the snow. The area surrounding your body was freezing but his breath was warm against your face and his body was warm on top of you. 

He pulled away from the kiss and looked you in the eyes. His expression turned serious. His eyes were scanning your face again and finally he breathed out. 

“I…Y/N, I….I love you.” 

You sucked in a sharp breath at his words. Love.

His tired eyes silently begged you to say something, anything back to him. He held his breath and never broke eye contact with you as he waited for a reaction.

“Jake, I…” you began, reaching up and holding his cheek in your hand. “I love you too.”

The words came out of your mouth as if you had been holding onto them for years, even though it had only been a few months. It felt absolutely right. There was no doubt in your mind. You loved Jake. 

“Yeah?” he asked, blinking and raising his eyebrows.

“Yeah,” you said softly, reassuring him and giving him a little peck on the lips.

He flashed that big bright smile at you again and you did the same. He kissed you again. 

Deep. 

Long. 

Passionately. 

Your heart was exploding in your chest in the best way. Your head was reeling as your lips moved against his. You didn’t even care that you were laying in the freezing snow. Everything about this moment was perfect. It was like everything in life had come to a peak right here. You didn’t care about anything else in the world, except him. 

The snow started to fall again and Jake broke away from you, laughing. He sat up and pulled you up with him. There was no use in him carrying you now, both of you were soaking wet. 

You and Jake spent close to an hour outside together in the snow. You had snowball fights, made snow angels, and caught snowflakes on your tongues.

When you couldn’t feel your hands anymore and Jake’s lips started to turn a shade of purple, you decided to call it a day and you walked back to the house, hand in hand. 

You stopped him at the door and put your hands around his waist, clasping them behind his back and pulling him in tight. “Say it again,” you said softly. 

“I love you,” he said confidently.

“I love you,” you replied.

He kissed you and hummed into the kiss, “Mmm, God I love you,” he said smiling.

You bit your lip and turned the doorknob to the inside.

When you entered the kitchen, his parents gave each other a smirk as they cleaned up the remainder of the dishes. You could tell they were watching from the kitchen window. 

“Did you guys have fun out there?” Karen asked sweetly, even though she already knew the answer.

“Yeah,” Jake tried to say casually, hiding a smile.

“Go get out of those clothes and into something warm, now!” Kelly called as you and Jake exited the kitchen.

Jake met you in the laundry room with a pair of boxers, sweatpants, and one of his hoodies. 

You both took your clothes off, threw them in the dryer, and put the fresh ones on. Jake pressed the ON button before leaving the small room. 

Now dry and warm, you stopped by the boys’ room to get your phone and you saw Sam- still on the floor, in the same position you saw him last. 

You and Jake went downstairs to set up the pull out couch for you to sleep on that night and as you passed the living room, just like Sam, Josh had not moved an inch. Both of them were still in their own little worlds. 

Jake helped you set up the bed and when you were done, the two of you went upstairs for dinner. You sat next to Jake and he held your hand and your thigh under the table the entire time. 

After dinner, Jake accompanied you in the basement for a bit. He knew eventually he would have to go upstairs and sleep in his own bed, as previously decided by both sets of parents. 

He laid on his back with your head on his chest, cuddled into him, looking at the TV. The two of you were watching a movie when you looked up at him. 

“Hey, what was that thing that you wanted to tell me earlier?” you asked.

“Oh,” he chuckled, “I already said it,” he replied.

“What, that you love me?” you asked with a smile.

“You like hearing it, don’t you?”

You nodded at him.

“Yes. I love you,” he said, leaving a kiss on the top of your head.

He was right. You loved hearing him say it. It was the way his soft, raspy voice practically sang the phrase. You couldn’t get enough. 

Jake’s hand lazily rubbed your back and you felt his heartbeat in his chest as you closed your eyes for the night.

Before going to bed, Kelly looked into the boys room to see Jake’s bed was empty and noticed that coming from the basement stairs was a dull glow of the TV and the light sounds of Jake’s snoring.

Karen came up behind him, resting her chin on his shoulder.

“You wanna tell him to get up here and go to bed?” she asked.

“No,” Kelly replied, “he’s in his own little world.”

February 2014:

As the cold, Michigan winter rolled on, you and Jake spent a lot of time together. After the initial “I love you” was off both of your chests, things continued to blossom between the two of you and you became each other’s best friends. You revealed secrets about yourselves that no one else knew. You told each other about your insecurities. He showed you the scar on his arm from when he broke it in middle school and you traced your fingers lightly on it. When he rubbed your legs, he kissed the stretch marks on your thighs that you were always self conscious about. You two were a real couple. Sure you were still only young, but everything about it felt right. You and Jake fit together. Being with him was like riding a bike or walking- it was second nature to you. 

You were in the Kiszka’s kitchen after school one day with Jake. It was just the two of you, no one else was home. His parents trusted him with you. In general, they were cool parents, but they also knew nothing would go on in their house that they had to worry about. 

You sat on the counter with Jake standing in between your legs. He put a cookie in your mouth and brought his face close to yours to bite off the half that was sticking out to him. 

“So,” he started as he chewed, “Valentine’s Day is coming up.”

“Mhmm,” you hummed as you chewed the cookie.

“Can I take you out?”

“Like, on a date?” you asked. 

“Well, yeah. We’ve never actually had a real date yet,” he reminded you.

He was right. The two of you never actually went somewhere together. All of the time you spent together was either at school, your house, or his house- mostly his house.

“Oooh, what do you have in mind?” you asked, smirking at him playfully.

Jake lowered his head and laughed, “You’ll see,” he replied, looking up at you through his hair. You loved when he did that. His hair was getting longer and he refused to cut it. He liked it like that. He said one day he wanted to grow it past his shoulders, like a “Rock God.” 

He pushed himself up on his tiptoes to give you a kiss and then lowered you down off the counter. He pulled you into the living room. He sat down on the couch, still holding onto your hand as you stood in front of him.

“Kiss me,” he groaned with his head tilting up and his eyes closing slightly. 

You straddled him and put your knees on either side of his thighs. He held your waist and you lowered your head to connect your lips. It started off soft but quickly gained passion.

Jake’s tongue started sliding along your bottom lip and entering your mouth. His hands traveled past your waist and rested on your butt. You snaked your hands under his shirt and you felt his stomach muscles tighten with the contact. You rubbed the skin of his stomach, feeling goosebumps rise on the surface of his skin.

Jake moaned into the kisses, sending vibrations through your body. You pulled back from him, and looked at him. His eyes were in a dreamy state. You gave him one last kiss on the side of his mouth before attaching your lips to his neck. He tilted his head back to give you better access, breathing heavily and closing his eyes as you littered his neck with wet kisses and sucked on that sweet spot just below his ear. 

He snaked his hands up under your shirt and rubbed up and down your back. His hands slipped under your bra strap, toying with it, teasing you. His calloused fingertips dug into the delicate skin of your back as he played with it. You grinded your hips down against him and he moved his along with yours. 

“Honey, I’m home!” you heard a familiar voice boom as the front door swung open. 

Jake opened his eyes and ripped his hands away from you. You turned your head and jumped off of Jake to sit next to him on the couch.

Josh looked at you both with a shocked expression that quickly turned into a suggestive smirk.

“I’m not telling you how to live your lives,” he said casually as he raised his hands as a sign of surrender, “but, no sex on the family couch. Anywhere else is fine though.”

“I thought you had rehearsal?” Jake asked with a confused look on his face.

“I did, but they didn’t need me much today,” Josh replied, “I have to go run my lines anyway. Have fun,” Josh said suggestively as he shot a wink at you. 

He kicked his shoes off and walked down the hall into the boys room, closing the bedroom door behind him. 

Catching your breath, you turned to Jake and combed your fingers through your hair.

“Jake,” you started, “Does he think that we…”

“We, what?”

“You know.”

“Know, what?”

“Does Josh think that we… have sex?” 

Jake coughed at the question and a shocked expression appeared on his face. He looked to the floor, trying to recollect instances that may have led Josh to think that.

“I mean, he knows we mess around. We’ve done almost everything except that. And he has. I’ve talked to him about some stuff. I mean, he’s my twin brother. And honestly it would make sense for him to think we have,” he answered. 

You sighed and looked down at your hands. Jake grabbed them and pulled them to his mouth, kissing your knuckles and setting them down on his lap.

“Hey,” he began, “you really care what he thinks?” 

You shrugged your shoulders. 

Neither of you had done it yet. But you felt like everyone else in the world had. Josh had and so had a handful of your friends. You wanted to and so did Jake, Jake more than you. But you were scared and Jake knew it. Usually when things got heated, one of you would call it off before you went all the way. You out of fear, and Jake out of respect for you. But, no matter the reason, you both didn’t mind though. It just wasn’t the right time yet.

“Look at me, Baby,” Jake whispered, “Don’t worry about what Josh thinks may or may not have happened. It’ll happen when it happens. When you’re ready. And I won’t talk about it to him again. Okay? I’m sorry, I know it’s different for girls,” he said calmly as he rubbed your cheek with his thumb.

“Okay,” you said softly. 

He grabbed the remote control off the coffee table and turned on the TV. He pulled you into his arms and rubbed your shoulder with his thumb. You both fell asleep and woke up when Sam and Ronnie got home with his parents. Jake drove you home and worked on his date plans that night. 

February 14, 2013:

The ring of the door bell made you jump. You looked down at your phone. 7 PM exactly. You gave yourself one last look in the mirror, grabbed your coat and headed downstairs. Jake had told you to dress warm, not fancy. He didn’t tell you anything except that. When you tried to get details out of him, he would do a little “zipped lips” motion with his mouth and fingers.

When you got downstairs you saw Jake at the door, talking to your mom. She turned around when she heard your footsteps. 

“Hi,” you said, smiling at him and biting your lip.

“Hey,” Jake said, his eyes scanning you up and down, holding back a full smile.

“Midnight,” your mom said sternly, looking Jake in the eyes. She did not want a repeat of the last time Jake was supposed to bring you back home at night. 

“Yes. Midnight,” Jake nodded. 

Your mom gave you a wink as she walked away, leaving you and Jake alone. 

“You look beautiful, as always,” Jake said, pulling you into a hug and giving you a small kiss on the lips. 

You pushed his hair out of his face, “Thank you. You look cute. You know I like it when you wear that hat.” 

He was wearing that same beanie he wore that day in the snow. The bangs of his hair poked out of the bottom and covered almost half of his face. 

“Are you going to tell me where we’re going?” you asked as he led you out the front door.

“Nope,” he said playfully, opening the passenger door to the white Jeep his parents allowed him and Josh to drive. Jake only had his permit, and Frankenmuth was a small town. Plus, his family knew a lot of the cops in town so his parents let him drive around town because they knew he’d never get in trouble. He just wasn’t allowed to go outside of town. 

Jake began the drive to his destination and you kept your eyes on him. As he drove through the main part of town, the bright lights from streetlights and storefronts illuminated his features and casted shadows over his eyes and accentuated his cheekbones. It reminded you of the first time you were in the car with him. You were nervous with him back then, where now, you were completely relaxed.

He slid his hand over your knee and traveled it up towards your thigh as he held back a small smile.  You rubbed your hand on top of his and held it there, giggling a little. 

“Remember when you first came over and I told you that I liked when you look at me when you think I don’t see you?” he asked, eyes never leaving the road as he pulled up to a red light. 

You giggled, “Yes?” you replied playfully.

“Well, now you’re starting to creep me out,” he joked. 

You smacked his hand on your leg and then picked it up to kiss his knuckles. 

He continued driving and you saw the AUF WIEDERSEHEN sign illuminated ahead. 

“Jake? you dragged out the A in his name. 

“Mhmm?” he replied, also dragging out the word.

“Where are we going?” you asked in that same tone.

“Not far, don’t worry, Mom,” he teased, giving your leg a squeeze as he drove under the sign and out of town.

Jake turned off the main road and started driving up a hill. The lights of the town were now far in the distance as he continued on a small gravel road surrounded by trees. 

He pulled the Jeep into a spot off the road in the woods, hopped out, and ran over to your door. He opened it and grabbed your hand as you stepped out onto the ground. He started walking you down a small dirt path through the trees. 

“Jake, if we get murdered tonight I will never forgive you.” 

“Aw damn really? That’s exactly what I had in mind for tonight. Sorry, I thought you’d like the idea of kissing me with my blood from an ax wound on your hands as you watch the light leave my eyes,” he teased, earning himself a light smack on the chest.

As you kept walking, you saw a light peeking through the bare trees. Leaves left over from fall crunched under your feet as you walked.

“So,” he began, “One day when we were like 12, Josh and I went too far out of town on our bikes. We ended up riding up here, thinking it was a way back home, and we thought it was cool. I’ve come back a few times since then. I’ve never seen anyone here though. Ever.”

You started to walk into a clearing that dipped off like a cliff- looking down on Frankenmuth with lights in the distance. Right at the edge of the cliff was a little campfire. Along with a blanket and Jake’s backpack on the ground.

He walked you over to the blanket.

“Have a seat, My Love,” he said. 

You sat down and he followed you, the heat from the fire warmed the two of you up perfectly. It was the dead of winter but you weren’t cold at all. He started digging into his backpack and pulled out two round glasses and a bottle of red wine. 

“Ooh, so romantic,” you teased.

He flashed a smile at you, “Don’t tell my mom,” he whispered as if there were other people around to hear. 

You held the glasses as he opened the wine and poured. You clinked the classes together and sipped it, looking at each other over the rim of the glasses. 

You placed a wet, wine covered kiss to his lips. You tasted the flavors of him and the wine mixing on your tongue. He pulled away and smiled at you with the light from the fire lighting up his face.

He leaned back onto his elbows and stretched his legs out. You did the same but you leaned on one elbow and turned your body towards his slightly.

“See those lights out there?” he asked, pointing to the faintest cluster of lights off the edge of the land. 

“Mmhmm,” you replied.

“That’s Detroit.” 

He pointed to another area of lights farther in the distance to the side a bit. 

“And that’s Canada. During the day, you can see Lake Erie.”

It was an absolutely breathtaking sight. You always felt kind of trapped in Michigan. But seeing the world out there, shining in front of you, made you feel like it was possible to get out and explore it one day with him. 

The sky was clear. You could see every star in the sky and the full moon was shining overhead. You loved the night sky and Jake knew that. It always made you feel so small. Like any problem you ever had was insignificant compared to how big the universe was. You both looked up to the sky, gazing at the stars and the moon. Jake looked for a little extra time, studying it closely. His eyes squinted and he was in deep thought.

“What are you looking at?” you asked him playfully, noticing his fixation on the sky.

He sat up and dug into his backpack again, this time, he pulled out a piece of paper. 

Jake pointed to a spot in the sky. 

“You see that star? The one just above that little string of four?” 

“Yeah, why?” you asked once you spotted it.

“Well, it’s yours.” 

“What do you mean it’s mine?”

Jake unfolded the paper in his hand and let you look at the document in the firelight. Your heart raced and your jaw dropped as you read the words on the paper. You looked at him. He was looking back at you with those nervous eyes again. 

“You named a star after me?” you whispered as tears formed in your eyes and your lips parted in surprise.

He nodded, his head turning to the side a bit to get a good look at you. His mouth formed a smile. 

You shook your head, “Jake,” was all you could say. You were speechless. 

With his thumb, he wiped a tear that fell onto your cheek and he held your face in his hand. He looked deep into your eyes and waited for you to say something. 

“I love you. I love you so fucking much,” you said. 

You barely finished the last word when his mouth crashed into yours. He leaned over you and his lips never parted from yours as he laid you down on the blanket covered ground.

You know when people say they feel fireworks when they kiss someone? You didn’t feel fireworks. You felt a volcanic explosion. Your entire body was electrified. It was a deep feeling, deeper than anything you’ve ever felt before. You wanted this feeling forever and you knew with Jake, you’d have it that way.  

You and Jake talked a lot about life that night. You discussed your goals, ambitions, and futures. It was one of the most serious and mature conversations you ever had. Not just with Jake, but with anyone. Period. You were growing up and becoming adults. Your childhood was fading quickly and although not knowing the future scared you, you had him to go through it with; and that made you feel a lot better.

Jake’s phone buzzed at 11:15. He set an alarm this time so he could get you back home on time. You packed up everything, put out the fire, and got back in the car. Before he put it in drive you leaned over to him, turned his chin towards you, and kissed him. 

“Thank you for everything tonight,” you said, planting more soft kisses on his lips. 

He held onto the back of your neck and pulled you closer. You moved your tongue into his mouth and he did the same. You continued like that for a few minutes, getting lost within each other. 

His hands traveled down your body as yours rubbed along his thighs. He pushed up the divider and you crawled up onto the seat. He moved his seat back so you were able to sit on his lap. You felt him through his jeans and he moaned into your kisses. 

You pushed his coat off of his shoulders and he did the same on you. His hands traveled up to your chest, under your shirt, feeling you over your bra. His thumbs rubbing the skin just above the cups. You unbuttoned his jeans and let your hands feel him up over his boxers. You unbuttoned yours and started to pull them off yourself. 

He pulled his mouth off yours and grabbed your wrists. 

“What’s wrong?” you asked, pressing your lips onto his neck. 

He moved his neck for you to get off of him and shook his head at you.

“No. I’m not letting you do this. This isn’t what you want.”

“It is what I want, Jake. Come on, just do it. Get it over with.”

He pulled your jeans back up on you and buttoned his own. 

“No. That’s exactly why I’m not doing this with you right now. Get it over with? Are you serious?” 

You leaned back on his lap and looked at him with angry eyes and your lips pursed shut.

“Jake, I’m ready!” you said sharply.

“Yeah, well two days ago you weren’t!” he shot back.

You pulled your coat back on and sat back down in the passenger seat, arms crossed, looking straight ahead. You couldn’t see him but his jaw was clenched and his eyes looked down at your legs. You both sat there in silence for a few moments. You’d never fought before. It wasn’t exactly a fight- more of a disagreement. But still, you had never felt anger towards him. Secretly you knew he was right though. He knew you better than you knew yourself.

Jake was the first to speak.

“Baby, it’s not that I don’t want to. Trust me, I want to,” he breathed as he turned to you. “But this isn’t the time, and it’s especially not the place. I mean, come on, in a car?”

You looked at him, relaxed your face, and sighed, even laughed a little. 

“You’re right,” you said, reaching your hand out to him. 

He took your hand in his and rubbed the top of it with his thumb. 

“When we do it, we’re gonna do it right. And I’ll make sure it’s perfect,” he assured you, “I love you, you know that,” he said in his soft, deep voice. 

He closed his eyes and breathed in deep. While they were closed, you leaned forward to him, placing the most gentle kiss on his cheek. 

He opened his eyes and smiled at you. 

“Come on,” he whispered, opening the car door and getting out. 

“Jake, what the hell are you doing?” you asked as he opened your door and dragged you out by your hands and walked with you to the front of the Jeep. 

“Get on,” he said, putting his hands on your waist and lifting you onto the hood of the car. 

The coldness of the metal hit the backs of your legs. He climbed up and crawled behind you. He put his legs on either side of you and wrapped his arms around your waist. You rested your hands on top of his.

“Look at the sky,” he began, “don’t you always say you love looking at the night sky? Because when you look up, you feel small compared to how big it is out there?”

You nodded and Jake continued.

“Okay, now think of how big the universe is and how many people and problems there are in the world. What’s going on with us, right now? It’s nothing compared to what’s out there. There’s so much out there,” he said softly.

You turned your head to look at him. He always had a way of bringing you back down and making you feel so comfortable and safe. He felt like home. 

You closed your eyes and breathed deep in his arms for a few minutes, taking in the moment. 

“Jake?” you said after a while.

“Mhm?” he asked.

“Promise me that one day, we’ll see the world together. We’ll see what’s out there.”

“Promise,” he said, kissing the top of your head. 

You knew he would keep that promise.

“Come on, let’s get you home before twelve,” he said as he slid himself off the hood of the car. 

He extended his hands out to you and you hopped off into him. You both got in the car and Jake put one hand on the wheel and the other in your palm, pulling your hand up to his mouth every few minutes to kiss it gently.

The ride home was quiet, but comfortable. Jake pulled into your driveway at 11:58 PM. The living room light was on so you knew your parents were waiting. He walked you to the door and pulled you close before you went inside. 

“I’ll talk to you tomorrow, okay? Night, baby,” he said quietly as he kissed your forehead.

You opened the door and smiled at him before you closed it. Jake walked back to the car and drove home silently, looking up at the stars the whole way home. 

A few days later, after school, you and Jake walked through the front door of the Kiszka home with fast food bags in your hands. When you entered, you were surprised to see two people on the couch. 

It was Josh and a girl in a very similar position you and Jake were caught in last week. The two of them continued at each other as you and Jake took your coats and shoes off. Neither of them realized you were even there.

“Josh, no sex on the family couch remember?” Jake said casually, causing Josh and the girl to jump up from what they were doing. 

You and Jake smiled at him and then at each other as you headed for his room with the bags of fast food and two joints waiting for you in his nightstand drawer.

March 2014:

You and Jake started going out more throughout the past month. He started making just a little bit of money from the bar gigs the band was playing. It wasn’t much, but it was enough for little dinner dates, ice skating, and bowling. 

Jake’s weekends also started getting busier. He would play a show on a Saturday night, not get home until 2 or 3 am on Sunday, and would sleep until noon.

Jake put all his focus on music. He had a lot of faith that his band would go far- especially now that they had Danny with them. However for every other senior in Frankenmuth, Michigan, end of the school year preparations were the focus. Spring break, prom, graduation, and college plans were the only things anyone could talk about. 

You had applied to a few colleges that interested you, mostly ones close to home. Michigan State University was only an hour away and had a good program for what you wanted to do. You were sure you’d go there. However, so did NYU. You applied to both in addition to some safety schools in Michigan and Ohio. 

You convinced Jake to apply to Delta Community College in Saginaw to at least try it out. He got in. But then again, everyone gets into community college. Regardless, his mom was happy to hear that he had a realistic plan for next year in case the whole “Rockstar” thing didn’t work out. 

Josh applied to Michigan State too. He wanted to study film making. He got his acceptance letter last week.

You sat at home on the computer, with your eyes scanning the screen. Jake laid on your bed with his feet up on the wall, eating grapes. 

“When are you gonna be done?” he asked, tilting his head back to look at you.

“In a couple seconds, I just want to check this last one.” 

You had been stalking the admission sites of the schools you applied to in hopes that your application status would go from Pending to Accepted. You would even take Rejected at this point. You just wanted to know. 

“Ugh, nothing yet,” you said as you closed out of the browser and shut the computer screen. 

Jake got up and walked over to you in the chair. He wrapped his arms around your neck and leaned close to your ear. 

“Why don’t you just wait for the letters in the mail like a normal person?” he asked with a hint of flirtation in his voice. “You know you’re gonna get in anyway.”

You sighed, “I don’t know, I just… I want to know now. Like, I just want to know what I’m doing with my life.”

Jake knelt down by your feet, looking up at you. 

“Why rush it? Time is already going by too quickly. Can we just live in this moment? Here? Now?” 

You bent down and wrapped your hands around his neck, resting your chin on the top of his head, “It’s scary, isn’t it? Growing up?” 

“Mhm,” he nodded. 

He broke away from your grasp and stood up, standing behind your chair again, and looking at you through your reflection in the mirror in front of you as he spoke. 

“You know what’s coming up that’s good though?” he asked. 

“What?” you asked sweetly.

“My show tomorrow. And you’re gonna be there,” he sang as he nuzzled his face into your neck, tickling you with his hair. 

“Yeah I’m finally gonna see you be a rockstar.”

“Don’t get your hopes up. It’s just a little bar gig,” he laughed.

“Well, I know I’ll love it no matter what,” you said, looking at his reflection. 

You turned your head and connected your lips with his. 

“Oooh, do I have my first groupie?” he said as he pulled back just a bit.

“Mmm, oh my God, Jake you’re soooo hot! Play that song for me again and do me in your dressing room!” you teased him in an exaggerated voice.

You both giggled at how ridiculous the thought was.

“No really. One day I’ll have groupies. And they’ll travel from all over to come see me. And they’ll throw their bras on stage,” he laughed and shook his head. “Heh. No, I’m just kidding. But imagine if that actually happened?” he smiled wide as he thought about it. 

Even though he was just joking, you knew that was what he wanted. That was the only thing he wanted. Jake was going to be a rockstar. No matter what.

When Jake left your house that afternoon, you noticed a pile of mail on the dining room table. You didn’t say anything. Jake had to get home for band practice and you didn’t want to dwell on the college stuff with him again. He had to focus on the show tomorrow. 

As you closed the door behind Jake, you eyed the little green MSU logo on one of the envelopes. You decided you would open it tomorrow. Jake was right- time was going by quickly and you wanted just one more day of not thinking about the fast approaching future.

The next day, you got to the bar around 9 so the band would be able to set up. You sat at a high top table with Ronnie and Jake’s mom while the guys prepared the stage. It was just a dive bar about 30 minutes outside Frankenmuth. It was dead at this point of the night. They weren’t going on until 11 so you had a lot of time to kill. Once the stage was set up, Jake came over to you with three beers in hand.

“For my ladies,” he said, putting them on the table. 

The guys played here often and the owner liked them so beer on tap was free for them. You looked across the room and saw Sam and Danny in the corner, filling up red soda cups with the beer. As two kids who clearly still looked like they were in middle school, they had to be a little more subtle about it than everyone else. 

Karen only allowed them one drink before the show and one after. But you knew better than her. You once saw Sam chug vodka from a bottle Josh had hidden under his bed. Who would have thought that little nerd had it in him?

“Thank you, Sir,” you joked as you took the beer from Jake and put the glass to your lips. You took a sip and held it out to him. He grabbed the glass and took one too, handing it back to you afterwards. Jake put his arm around your waist and kissed you on the cheek.

You put the glass down and snuck your hands around his waist. 

“Can we talk for a second?” you asked. 

“Yeah, sure,” he said as he backed away to let you hop down off the stool. 

You walked over to a quieter spot near the front entrance to the bar and held out a piece of paper to him. 

“Everything okay?” he asked. 

“Read it,” you said.

He saw the green logo at the top and then looked at you, worried. He opened the folded paper, his eyes scanned over the words, and he mumbled through the sentences quickly. 

His mouth opened slightly and he let out a breath, “You got in?” he whispered.

You nodded, biting your lip and looking up at him.

“Holy shit! You got in!” he said louder. 

His eyes lit up and he pulled you in by the waist and kissed you hard, you felt a small smile on his lips for the duration of the kiss.

You broke away from each other and smiled. He held you there for a minute more, just looking in your eyes. “Now you can relax, right?” 

“Yeah,” you sighed happily, “I’m gonna go tell Josh,” you said excitedly as you started to part from Jake.

Jake stayed where you left him as you walked over to Josh. As you spoke, he watched Josh’s face light up when you told him the news. Josh picked you up and spun you around, and then grabbed your arms and shook you around a little. 

Jake smiled bittersweetly to himself. He was happy for you and Josh. But things were changing. For someone who was always so sure of his future, he was starting to question himself. 

The bar started filling with more customers as the night went on. Some were regulars who talked with the bartenders and manager. Some were people who just came for a casual drink. The Wagner family was there and Danny’s parents and sister came to sit with you guys. You all talked and laughed until it was time for the boys to come on stage. 

Danny walked on first and sat down at his kit. Sam slung his bass over his head. Josh fiddled with the mic stand and wrapped the cord around his arm. Jake put his guitar on and gave it a strum, letting the audience know they were ready. You recognized the chord he played, it was the one he taught you the first time you were at his house. 

“Hello, everyone,” Josh began, “We are Greta Van Fleet, and we are honored to play for you this delightful evening.” 

Danny hit his sticks together in a 4 beat countdown and they began. 

They captivated the crowd the second they started. Some of the regulars were used to them, but even the people who didn’t know them looked impressed. They played a few songs, all ones you recognized from sitting in at some band rehearsals. Some were theirs and some were covers of songs they loved.

“This next one is a bit new. We’re gonna slow it down a little if that’s alright with you all.” Josh stated as he pulled a stool towards the mic. 

Jake took off his red electric guitar and swapped it for his acoustic one. 

“It’s called ‘Flower Power,’” Josh said, motioning to Jake to begin. 

Jake began to strum, looking down at the guitar. The song was cute and a  little folky, which you knew was something that inspired Jake a lot. 

You concentrated on the words Josh sang…

“It turns to night,

Firelight.

Star shines in her eye. 

Makes me feel like I’m alive” 

Then it hit you. This song. It was about you. 

You looked at Jake from where you were sitting. He knew you figured it out judging by how your hand was covering your mouth. His lips were fighting back a smile. He looked down at the guitar as he played, shaking his head a little. He didn’t want to break his hard rockstar exterior and he knew if he made eye contact with you, he would lose it. 

They finished up their set, took a break, and did another. Each time, they were met with a large applause at the end. Jake jumped off the stage and walked towards you. People patted him on the back as he walked by, saying “Good job, kid,” as he passed them. 

“I have to go take down the stage and load up in a second. But, what did you think?” he asked, leaning his elbows on the table.

“You were amazing,” you said, grabbing his sweaty face and giving him a soft kiss. You teased your tongue at him but pulled back after tasting the salty sweat covering his upper lip.

“Yeah there was a pretty girl in the audience I wanted to impress,” he smirked.

“I bet she’s a hot groupie,” you teased him.

“Yeah, she didn’t throw her bra on stage but maybe she’ll come do me in the bathroom,” he joked. 

“Shut up and go help your brothers,” you said, slapping his arm lightly. 

Jake walked away and left you with Ronnie at the table.

 “You guys are disgustingly cute,” she said, “I’m gonna miss you next year. I probably won’t miss Josh too much though. It’ll be nice and quiet without him.”

“Yeah it’ll be weird. But probably a little hard with all three of us being in college though.”

“All three of you?” she asked, eyebrows furrowed, head tilted to the side.

“Yeah, Jake’s going to Delta and Josh and I are going to Michigan State. But we’ll probably be home most weekends.”

“You sure about that? Jake told our parents last week that he’s not going and they can’t make him.”

Your mouth dropped open a bit, your eyes panned down to the floor, and you breathed out hard.

You looked back at Ronnie. Her lips were tucked in between her teeth. She knew saying that was probably a mistake. 

“He didn’t tell you,” she concluded.

You shook your head and got up, “Ronnie, I- I’ll talk to you later.”

You walked out the back door of the bar and watched Jake load the last amp into the van and shut the van’s back door. It was raining slightly and he was about to walk back inside but stopped after seeing you in the doorway.

“Hey, ready to go?” he asked.

You looked at him, expressionless.

“Are you okay-”

“When were you going to tell me?” you cut him off and crossed your arms. 

The rain started getting heavier. You both stood there, letting it fall on you. It was almost refreshing after being in the hot, sweaty bar for the past few hours.

“Tell you what?” 

“That you weren’t going to college?”

Jake rolled his eyes and scoffed. 

“Let me guess, Ronnie told you? It’s really not a big deal, I don’t even need it anyway.”

“Not even to fall back on?”

“What do you mean ‘fall back on?’ What, you don’t believe in me?”

“Jake, I never said that.”

“Well it’s obvious you’re thinking it. Tell me the truth, Baby,” he replied harshly. 

You sighed and dropped your arms to your sides, “Jake, I love you but this band thing- you really think it’s going to go anywhere? At some point you have to be realistic.”

He got loud, “I am being realistic! I’m not smart like Sam! I’m not creative like Josh! I’m stup-”

“You’re Jake,” you assured him, calmly, stepping towards him, “That’s all you need to be.”

You grabbed him around the waist and pulled him in. The rain caused his hair to stick together in wet clumps. His t-shirt turned a darker color with the water it had soaked up. 

His expression changed. His eyes softened. His shoulders dropped and he looked down to the ground. You’ve never seen him sad before. He looked absolutely defeated.

“Since when is being Jake something to brag about?” he sighed and rolled his eyes. 

You grabbed his chin with your hands and moved his face towards yours. The rain fell in between your faces, making it hard for you to see him clearly.

“Look at me, Jacob,” you said sternly with his chin in your hand, moving it up a little. He wouldn’t look you in the eye until you forced him. 

His eyes moved to meet yours. Rain droplets caught on his eyelashes, hiding the fact that tears were forming in his eyes. He was breathing out through his nose hard and his lips were quivering.

You let go of his chin and held onto his face lightly with your palm.

“Jake, I’ve never met anyone like you. The way you play guitar? You’re good. You’re more than good, you’re amazing. So yeah, Sam is smart. Josh is creative. But you? Jake, you’re talented.”

“I thought you said it wasn’t going anywhere,” he mumbled.

You sighed and closed your eyes for a moment.

“You know what I mean. Just promise me you won’t get your hopes up. Not everyone makes it. I’m not saying I don’t believe in you. I’m just saying-”

“I know,” he interjected, “I know.” 

Jake had wanted this for as long as he could remember. This was all he ever wanted. Music was all he knew. But as he felt his childhood slipping away and real life sneaking up behind him, he could see his dreams getting farther out of reach.

You pulled him into a hug and held onto him for an extra minute out there with your head on his shoulder. Neither of you cared that you were in the rain. You pulled your head back and kissed him gently on the lips. He pulled his hands from behind you and brought them to your face, wiping away the mascara that was running down your cheeks. 

“I love you,” he whispered.

“I love you too,” you replied, “but, no more secrets.” 

He nodded, “No more secrets. Now, come on, let’s get out of here. It’s 2 in the morning.” 

Jake let go of you and led you back inside. You opened the door to see the rest of the group ready to go. 

Josh and Sam hopped on either side of you, linking their arms with yours. Danny followed close behind, holding onto your shoulders.

“So,” Sam began, “What did you think? Am I your favorite?” 

“It was amazing. But I’m sorry, Sam, I have a favorite already. You come in at a close second though. If only you were a little older,” you teased.

“How do you feel about twins?” Josh asked, raising an eyebrow at you. 

Jake pushed through them, wrapped his arm around your waist, and pulled you out of their hold. 

“Okay, enough! She’s my groupie and I’m not sharing!” he announced, placing a dramatic kiss on your cheek with a “mwah” sound. 

“I actually have a question for Josh,” you stated, smirking.

“Are you considering the twin thing?” he asked, jokingly.

“No,” you said with a laugh. “I just want to know… Who the hell is ‘Mama?’”

Sam and Danny threw their heads back and laughed obnoxiously. 

“Ohhhh Mamaaaa!” they both sang out in unison.

Jake pushed his body into yours playfully and looked at Josh, biting his bottom lip, waiting for his response.

“The world may never know!” Josh said mysteriously as he ran out the front door of the bar, into the rain, and dove into the backseat of the white Jeep. 

Jake drove you home with Josh in the backseat, rambling on about something neither you nor Jake really understood. It was something about getting sick from being out in the cold and rain. You just smiled, nodded, and gave him the occasional “Mhmm.”

When you got home, you went to your room and saw a large envelope on your bed that read “New York University.” You knew what that meant. Everyone knew what that meant. You opened the envelope with shaking hands. 

You read, “Congratulations! You have been admitted to New York University for the Fall 2014 semester.” 

Fuck.

When Jake got home, Sam was already asleep and Josh ran into the shower. Jake paced around his room. He looked at the film posters and sketches Josh had taped all over his wall. He picked up the papers off of Josh’s shelf.

He read, “Mr. Joshua Kiszka, Congratulations! You have been admitted to Michigan State University for the Fall 2014 semester.” 

He put down the letter and looked over at Sam sleeping and looked up the wall just above his head. Awards and certificates from robotics club, junior debate team, and honor roll were lined up one after the other. He sighed. 

He looked over at his guitar sitting on his bed and smiled.

“Fuck college. I’m talented. I’m gonna make it,” he paused, “one day.”

April 2014:

Spring was finally here. All the snow had melted, little leaf buds were poking out of the tree branches, and the sun was shining warm for the first time in what felt like forever. 

You and Jake decided you were going to make the best of the warm weather. Jake’s favorite thing to do was to take you on hikes. He fit in perfectly with nature. He knew all these secret places in town with paths, hills, and cliffsides that he explored with you.

He would pick up frogs, take his shoes off and walk through creeks with you on his back, and feed deer that came close enough to him. One day, you were walking in the woods far behind his house. Jake was in front of you, in search of something that he wanted to show you. Once you walked far enough, you came to a huge boulder the size of a car. 

“Here it is!” he said, looking back at you.

“A giant rock?” you asked, laughing.

“No! Well, yeah,” he laughed. “But it’s not just any rock. This one is special,” he said.

It was as tall as he was, maybe a little taller. He expertly climbed up to the top of it and held his hand out for you to follow him. You used his hand to pull you up and then you both sat down on top of it with your legs dangling off the edge. Even though it was spring, the surface of the rock was still cold and you felt the chill of it through your jeans. 

“What’s so special about this rock?” you asked playfully.

“A lot of firsts happened here,” he began, counting on his fingers, “First time I punched Josh in the face, first time I threw up drunk,” he laughed and paused for a second, “first kiss.” 

“Ooh first kiss?” you teased, pushing him a little. 

“Mhmm, Madison Carter, seventh grade.” 

“You kissed Madison Carter?” you asked, kind of shocked at his choice of girl. She was not Jake’s ‘type’ at all. She was the definition of a stereotypical, mean, popular girl. 

“Are you jealous?” he teased, stretching the word while flashing you that full toothed smile and wide eyes. 

“Is Madison Carter here with you now?” you asked, your voice going up an octave with the question. 

“No…” he said slowly.

“Then no. I’m not jealous,” you stated matter of factly, “I know I could kiss you better than her anyway.” 

“Yeah?” he raised his eyebrows, “prove it.”

Slowly, you leaned your head closer to his and watched him close his eyes in anticipation. You closed the gap between the two of you, connecting your lips to his. He snaked his hand around your waist and pulled you closer. You grabbed the back of his neck and bit down on his bottom lip lightly, holding onto it with your teeth. You pulled your head away to break from him, while still holding his bottom lip in between your teeth. After a few seconds, you let go and watched his lip fall back into place as he opened his eyes.

His mouth hung open for a second and he looked shocked. Almost as if he couldn’t believe you just did that to him. His shocked expression faded into a smile as he spoke.

“Eh, I guess that was a little better,” he teased. 

You turned your body to face him, sat criss crossed, and rested your hands on his thigh. 

“So, what’s the ‘first’ that’s happening right now?” You asked.

“I’m with my first love,” he said as a satisfied smile spread across his face. 

You looked down and smiled. When you looked back up, his expression was serious. He looked at you and his soft, tired eyes had the most loving look in them. You looked deep into them. The sunlight highlighted the caramel and gold colors which bursted out of the chocolate brown base of his irises. 

He picked your hands up off his lap and planted kisses to your knuckles.

He lowered them down and continued, “It’s also a last, though,” he sighed, “My last day of being seventeen.”

You brushed the hair out of his eyes and dragged your hand down his cheek, rubbing the top of his cheekbone with your thumb. 

“Bittersweet, huh?” you asked quietly.

He nodded and started to get up, brushing off the back of his jeans with his hands as he stood. 

“But! I get my license tomorrow. I mean, if it all goes well, ya know?” 

Jake stood up on the rock and looked down at the ground below him. Quickly, he flung himself off it and landed on his feet with a thud. He turned around to face you and waved for you to jump. 

“Jake I am not jumping off this,” you warned.

“Baby, come on, it’s not even that high off the ground. This is a spot for first times! Jump!”

You shook your head at him quickly and smiled, biting your bottom lip.

“Would you like this to be the first time I break a bone?” you asked, jokingly but also seriously. 

“Here, I’ll catch you,” he said, taking a step closer and extending his arms out.

You stood up slowly, closed your eyes, and breathed out hard. You bent your legs, swung your arms back a little, and pushed your feet off the rock, jumping down to Jake below you.

Your body crashed into his. You felt his arms grab you tight around your back. His legs stumbled with the force of you crashing into him. He fell backwards onto the ground with you on top of him. Both of you laughed as you hit the ground.

“I thought you said you would catch me!” You teased him.

“I did, didn’t I?” He laughed as his shoulders moved up and down and his whole body shook from laughing. His eyes squinted into two little crescent moons. 

You sat up, straddled his waist, and leaned down to kiss him gently. 

He broke away from you and smiled, placing his head back down on the ground.

“You know, we’re sitting in the exact spot I threw up in,” he giggled. 

“You’re absolutely disgusting,” you laughed as you crawled off him and extended your hand to lift him to his feet. 

Together you walked back to civilization with him leading the way.

Jake didn’t know it then, but there was also another last that day. It was the last time he would ever go back to that spot. 

April 23, 2014:

It was Jake’s 18th birthday. You were getting ready to go to the Kiszka’s house to celebrate Jake and Josh’s big day when the doorbell rang. You went downstairs and opened the door to see Jake standing there with a huge smile on his face. 

“What are you doing here?” you asked, in shock, practically forgetting it was his birthday.

His eyes squinted as he flashed a little white card in between his fingers. 

“Is that what I think it is?” You asked suspiciously.

“Fuck yeah! I’m legal, baby!” He said, picking you up and spinning you around. 

He planted a deep kiss on your lips while lifting you up. 

“Happy birthday, Baby,” you giggled as he held you in the air, holding you under your butt.

He scrunched up his nose as you sprinkled his face with a bunch of tiny kisses.

He put you down and put his freshly earned license in his wallet.

“Come on, go pack a bag. We’re going on a trip.”

“What?” You asked. 

“You heard me, we’re going on a trip,” he repeated.

“Where?”

“So many questions!” he joked. “Get upstairs, go!” 

He smacked your ass lightly before turning you around by the shoulders and gently pushing you back into your house. 

He followed you up the stairs, down the hallway, and towards your room. Before you entered, you turned to him.

“Wait here for a second,” you said, sliding into the room and closing the door behind you.

“Are you hiding my present?” he asked from the other side of the door. He sounded like a little kid on Christmas waiting for Santa.

“Maybe,” you flirted.

You slid his present into your backpack carefully and slid the NYU acceptance paperwork into your desk drawer. You hadn’t brought it up to him yet. You planned to tell him after his birthday, when the time was right.

You opened the door back up to see Jake leaning against the hallway wall, arms folded, eyes closed, and a small smile spread across his face. You smiled at him and shook your head. 

“Get in here,” you said as you grabbed his wrist, and pulled him out of his trance and into your room. 

Jake still wouldn’t tell you where you were going or how long you were going for. You held stuff up to him and he would either say “yes” or “no” depending on if he thought you would need it or not. As he gave you his approval of things, you put them in your backpack. 

You held up a black bra and a matching thong, raising your eyebrows at him. You placed them on your bed in front of him. You watched his Adam's apple bob up and down as he swallowed hard. 

You spoke slowly and ran your fingers over the lace details of the pieces, “Do you think I-”

“Yeah you need those. You definitely need those,” he said as he nodded his head quickly with his eyes wide.

You giggled, put the set in your backpack, and looked back at him. He was looking down and you caught a glimpse of that little nervous smile on his face. 

After a few more approvals and disapprovals of things, he said, “Okay that’s good. Let’s go.”

It looked to be enough stuff for just a day or two. You went to the bathroom to get your toothbrush and some other toiletries. Jake leaned against the doorframe, impatiently tapping his fingers on the wall as you carefully put the items into the front pocket of your backpack. 

When you were done, you went downstairs to explain to your mom what was going on and somehow, she already knew, giving Jake a wink from across the room. 

“Did you…” you began.

“Why do you think I told you to get your laundry done yesterday?” she asked, smirking.

You said goodbye to her and Jake led you back to the Jeep in your driveway. He opened the passenger side door for you to get in and took your backpack and placed it in the backseat. You turned back to look at him as he moved things around back there, giving you a peek at a large case of beer that was covered with a blanket and smiling mischievously at you. 

“Since when can 18 year olds buy beer?” you asked, jokingly.

“I’m 22 according to the state of Georgia,” he said as he closed the back door and opened the front. 

He got in the driver’s seat, put the car in gear, and slowly backed out of the driveway.

After a few minutes, you saw the AUF WIEDERSEHEN sign which indicated you were leaving town. Now that he had his license, he could go anywhere he wanted. 

Today was his 18th birthday. He could be doing anything right now. He could be spending the day with his family- and his twin brother. But here he was, spending it with you.

Part of you felt like you didn’t deserve him. You tried not to think about the secret you were holding from him. Especially when just last month you made him promise he wouldn’t keep any secrets from you. But you put those thoughts in the back of your mind for the time being.

Jake drove on the highway for a while, holding your leg with his right hand the entire time like he always did and tapping his fingers on it to the music on the radio. 

“Do you want me to tell you where we’re going now?” he asked as he gave your leg a squeeze.

“Ugh finally! Yes, please,” you practically begged. 

You turned your body to face him, and his eyes never left the road as he spoke. 

“So, my family has this cabin up by Lake Huron. We go every summer for a few weeks. I’ve been wanting to take you there for ages but my mom said I had to have my license first. So now that I do, I can finally take you,” he said happily.

“You could be doing anything in the world today and you’re spending the day with me?” You asked, sounding a little guilty. “What about Josh? And your parents?”

“Baby, I have spent every second of the last eighteen years with Josh. I can’t remember a single day I spent without him. I need a break from him. Besides, my parents knew I would be leaving today so we did something last night,” he assured you.

Jake opened all the windows to the car and the fresh air blasted through, blowing wind through your hair. You felt a sudden burst of freedom you had never felt before. You and Jake were both officially adults. It felt weird. But it felt good. 

He extended his left arm out the window and let out the happiest “Ahhh” you had ever heard. There was pure joy behind it. Like he felt completely at ease and at peace for the first time in a long time.

After an hour or so, Jake steered off the highway and through winding back roads with cute little cabins and cottages staggered throughout the wooded area. He turned into a gravel driveway and looked over at you as he put the car in park. 

“This is it!” he said excitedly. 

It was a typical Michigan lake cabin. A two story house with wood siding, a front porch, and slightly overgrown trees and bushes covering the yard and blocking most of the windows. 

He jumped out of his side of the car and ran over to you, opening the passenger door and extending his hand to you. You hopped out onto the gravel driveway and he led you up the stairs and towards the front door. 

He jiggled the key in the lock and when he opened it, he bent down to pick you up. He grabbed the back of your legs and placed his other arm around your back. You held your hands around his neck and he kicked the door open, walking with you in his arms through the doorway, giggling. 

The walls were covered with wood paneling, framed paintings of nature scenes, and a staircase leading up to a balcony which looked down on the living room and kitchen. It was exactly what you pictured. 

Jake carried you upstairs into the master bedroom. He threw you down on the bed and you laid back, resting on your elbows. He looked down at you with love in his eyes and bit his bottom lip.

“C’mere,” you whispered.

Slowly, he came closer to you. Lowering himself on top of you and placing soft kisses all over your face. You connected your lips with his and kissed him hard. He teased his tongue against your bottom lip and you let him in. You repeated the action to him. He pulled away from your lips and attached his to your neck. His lips were wet, and warm on the sensitive skin of your neck. His movements gave your whole body goosebumps. The combination of him sucking, biting, and smoothing his tongue over the slightly bruised spots sent you into another world. 

“Mmm, Jake,” you moaned.

“Yeah, you like that?” he asked, as his voice vibrated against your neck, making you giggle. 

He continued at you like that for a few minutes. Both of you started teasing each other, tugging at clothes, and wandering hands up and down each other’s bodies, wanting more and seeing how far the other person would take things.

Finally, you moved your neck and pushed his face away. He looked down at you with those soft, tired eyes again.

“You okay?” he breathed out, looking deep into your eyes with concern.

“Yeah, just let me look at you for a second,” you whispered, cupping his face in your hand and rubbing his cheek with your thumb.

You wanted to get a good look at him. Something inside you told you to remember this moment. Your eyes scanned his face. He was different since the first time you kissed him. His face had less baby fat on it, making his jaw sharper. The acne that was once on his forehead had faded away. His hair was longer and straighter. His cheeks and chin were rougher with more facial hair poking through. He had little brown dots just above his lip from where he had recently shaved. 

For the first time, you saw him as a man.

“You’re beautiful,” you said, almost in a whisper.

Jake smiled.

“I love you,” you said.

“I love you,” he replied as he placed the most delicate kiss on your lips. 

“But,” he said, “we can't do this here. I’m pretty sure Sam was conceived in this bed.”

He had a look of disgust on his face and he looked down before continuing, “Actually, Josh and I probably were too now that I think about it.”

“Ew,” you laughed as you started to sit up.

Jake sat up and shook his hair out, regaining his composure after those past few heated minutes and his little epiphany. You sat up and grabbed his hands and pulled them into your lap.

“Do you want your present now?” you asked with your eyes glimmering.

“Okay!” he said happily.

You slid off the bed, bent over with your back facing him, and dug into your backpack.

“Close your eyes,” you said flirtatiously. 

“But I like this view,” he teased.

You turned your head around and gave him a “really?” kind of look. 

Jake reluctantly closed his eyes and you turned around with the wrapped gift. You placed it in his lap and allowed him to open his eyes. 

“Oooh,” he said, looking at the gift and looking at you. Judging by the shape, it was obvious that it was a vinyl record. 

He ripped off the paper and his eyes widened. 

“No way! Where the hell did you find this? I’ve been looking for this everywhere!” 

“I got a little help from a certain little brother of yours,” you laughed. 

He laughed, shook his head, and looked down at it like it was made of gold.

“Stephen Stills, the first one,” he breathed out, shocked.

“Do you like it?”

“Do I like it? Baby, one of the best songs of all time is on this album.” 

All you could do was stare at him and smile. He had a glow in his eyes. You recognized that glow anywhere because it was the same look in his eyes that he had every time he looked at you. 

“I love it, thank you,” he said, looking up at you and pushing his lips out for you to kiss him. 

You spent the afternoon and early part of the evening exploring outside with him. He took you places he explored with his siblings as a kid. And of course, he showed you yet another place where he cracked his head open. 

You sat on a hilltop and watched the sunset in his arms. He held you tight and hummed songs in your ear as the two of you watched the sky change from blue, to orange, to black. 

You felt completely safe in his arms. No matter where you were, when you were with him, you were home. 

You walked back to the cabin in the moonlight. When you got back, Jake ordered a pizza while you showered; and then he showered himself. While he was upstairs, you found an unopened bottle of wine and glasses in a cabinet. You took out two and poured some of the dark burgundy liquid in each. 

He walked down the stairs and into the kitchen. His hair was damp and he was wearing plaid pajama pants and a forest green t-shirt. The shoulders of the shirt were sprinkled with little drops of water that fell from his hair.

“Ooh, what’s this for?” He asked as he spotted the glasses on the kitchen counter.

“You, birthday boy,” you said, approaching him and pulling him in for a kiss. 

He held your waist and leaned back, looking at you up and down. 

All you had on was a big white t-shirt with a little black “Greta Van Fleet” logo in the top corner. The shirt was just see through enough for him to know what you were wearing underneath- the black lace set you held up for him in your room earlier. 

“Mmm, happy birthday to me,” he said as he licked his lips. 

He reached for the glasses, handing you one. You clinked them together and each took a sip.

He gasped quietly and whispered, “The record!” 

He pulled away, ran up the stairs, and came back down with it in his hands. He was skipping around a little bit as he walked over to the record player. You could tell he was excited. He took it out of the casing and held the sides with his fingertips delicately. He placed it on the turntable and set the needle on it carefully. 

The beginning of the first song of the album filled the air. He closed his eyes, tilted his head back, and smiled. He was in heaven.

He moved his head along with the song and walked over to you slowly. He extended his hand and leaned back on one foot.

“Dance with me,” he said. 

You took his hand and he pulled you towards him. He gave you a kiss on the cheek and then spun you around. He pulled you back in and sang in your ear as he rocked you back and forth,

“There’s a rose in the fisted glove

And the eagle flies with the dove

And if you can’t be with the one you love, honey

Love the one you’re with, love the one you’re with.”

You spun out of his arms and faced him. You grabbed his hands in yours as he continued to sing. He closed his eyes and smiled the biggest smile you’ve ever seen from him. 

He started singing louder and he swayed back and forth, holding onto your hands lightly, spinning you around the kitchen as the song continued.

“Don’t be angry, don’t be sad

Don’t sit crying over good times you’ve had,”

He let go of your hands and pointed at you. 

“There’s a girl right next to you,

And she’s just waiting for something to do.”

You giggled and shook your head at how silly he was being. He looked absolutely adorable. 

Jake spun himself around on his feet and ran back to you to scoop you up again. You held him around his back and put your head on his chest. You rocked back and forth with him again as the song carried on.

He picked you up by the waist and put you on the counter. You wrapped your legs around him. 

“Love the one you’re with

Love the one you’re with

Love the one you’re with

Love the one you’re with,” 

you both sang out, kissing each other between each line.

As the song ended and as the next one began, Jake pulled you off the countertop and into a deep hug. You rested your head on his shoulder and he rubbed your back. 

“I absolutely love you,” he said, “you’re my forever, you know that?”

You looked at him. His eyes were filled with happiness and love.

“Forever?” You asked.

“Forever,” he repeated. 

He kissed your forehead lovingly and held you there for a few more minutes until the pizza arrived.

The both of you listened to the rest of the record as you ate. He explained which songs were his favorites and why. You could listen to him talk about music all day. He had such deep thoughts about it. You never thought about music this way, until he came along. He showed you that music should make you feel something. It should spark something inside of you in a way nothing else ever could. It should set your soul free and make you feel at home. 

You and Jake drank a lot of beer that night, stayed up late giggling and messing around, and ended up falling asleep in the early morning hours on the couch with the fireplace going. 

You spent all of the next day together out in nature and in the little downtown area you stayed near, and then drove home at night. 

Jake took you home and when he got home, he showed the record to his siblings. 

“I tried getting this like a month ago on Ebay but someone outbid me,” he explained to Sam.

“Hmm, I wonder who that was?” Sam chuckled.

“She didn’t…” he said. 

“She did,” Sam replied, smiling.

Jake fell back on his bed, laughing to himself. He was absolutely, utterly, and completely in love and everyone around him knew it. 

Sam got up off his bed to leave Jake alone in his own world and before he left completely, he turned to Jake and said, “Stephen Stills 2 is better though,” with a huge smirk on his face. 

May 2014:

Senior year was coming to an end. There were just two months left of school and the kids and teachers had all given up. Each afternoon was dedicated to figuring out details for prom and graduation. 

You knew you were going to prom with Jake. He didn’t even have to ask you. It was obvious. 

You got to his house when the school day was over to spend the afternoon together. It was a Friday so your parents allowed you to stay there later. They were also okay with you occasionally sleeping at Jake’s house on weekends if it was too late at night for him to drive you back.

Jake opened the door and the two of you walked into the kitchen to get something to eat. 

“I’ll be right back,” he said, walking down the hallway to his room. You heard the door close and open a minute later and the sound of his footsteps got louder as he approached the kitchen again. 

His hands were behind his back and he was breathing heavily. 

“What are you doing?” You laughed as you opened a jar of cookies.

“I want to ask you something,” he replied nervously.

“You’re scaring me, Jake,” you said. 

He pulled his hands from behind his back, holding a bouquet of a dozen red roses out to you. 

“Y/N,” he began, “Will you go to prom with me?” He asked, biting his lip.

You took the bouquet in your hands and looked at it. Each rose was perfectly blossomed and accompanied by tiny little babies breath flowers and green leaves. You smiled brightly back at him and looked down at the bouquet, admiring it for a moment. You looked back up at him to see that his face was still full of worry.

“Eh, I’m gonna have to think about it,” you joked.

“Shut up!” he laughed.

Holding the roses, you crossed your hands behind his back and pulled him in. 

“Of course I’ll go to prom with you,” you said, connecting your lips with his in a deep kiss. 

He grabbed the back of your neck and continued kissing you, humming into your mouth and going for more of you until you heard a coughing sound from in the doorway. 

It was Josh standing there. He made a gagging noise, walked over to you and Jake, pushed between the two of you, and hopped up on the counter, taking the jar of cookies in his lap. 

You put the bouquet of flowers down on the counter. Josh handed you a cookie and threw one at Jake. 

“So prom?” he asked, “are you guys officially going together, or did she say no?” he joked.

“Judging by what you just walked in on, I think you can assume she said yes,” Jake stated.

Josh nodded approvingly. 

“Are you going with anyone, Josh?” you asked.

“Kind of,” he shrugged, “the drama kids are all going as a group. We rented a lake house for the weekend after if you guys want to come.” 

Jake grabbed another cookie out of the jar and bit a piece off, talking with a piece of the cookie in his mouth. 

“No offense, Joshua, but spending prom weekend with a bunch of drunk theater kids isn’t exactly what I had in mind,” Jake laughed. 

You smiled at him and held back your laughter. 

“It’ll be fun but suit yourself!” Josh said as he jumped off the countertop and skipped out the room with his footsteps fading as he went down the hallway.

You heard the boys’ bedroom door shut and Jake grabbed you by the waist, closing the gap between you previously made by Josh. 

“Mmm, get over here,” he said, connecting your lips to his again, softly. You tasted the sweet flavor of chocolate on his lips.

You pulled back. His hands were connected behind your back and yours ran up and down his chest. 

“So what exactly do you have in mind for prom weekend?” you asked, as you moved your hands down to his stomach.

“I don’t know yet,” he said, “But I know I’m gonna be with you. That’s all I need to know right now.” 

“Well, I might have something in mind,” you said quietly, looking down, and playing with the bottom of his t-shirt.

He lifted your chin up to look at him. His eyes squinted a little, like he was trying to read your face for an answer to an unspoken question. You didn’t have to say anything. He knew what you were thinking. 

“Are you trying to tell me you’re-”

“Ready?” you interrupted.

He nodded.

“Yeah,” you whispered.

Jake breathed in sharply and held it in for a second. Even though he knew it was coming, he was still a little stunned. 

He breathed out slowly and let go of your chin. He put both his hands on your face with his thumbs resting on your cheeks, and looked into your eyes. 

“You’re sure?” he whispered.

“I’ve never been more sure of anything in my entire life,” you replied.

Jake swallowed hard. His eyes darted all over your face and his mouth opened a little. He didn’t know what to say. He always had a smooth comeback of something to say. But this time, he didn’t. He was speechless. You knew his thoughts were racing.

“Jake, say something,” you practically begged.

Before you knew it, his lips crashed into yours. He kissed you hard and passionately. The kiss was unlike any other you’d ever experienced before. It was rough and needy. It sent shivers down your spine and made the hair on the back of your neck stand up. He was going at you hungrily. You started laughing and broke away from him. 

“Jesus, Jake! I didn’t mean right now!” you joked. 

He laughed to himself, realizing he got carried away. 

“I know, I’m sorry,” he said, still laughing. 

He let you go and leaned against the counter next to you. He popped another cookie into his mouth and chewed, looking at you with a stupid smile on his face as his jaw moved up and down. 

You slapped him lightly across his chest. 

“What?” you asked, giggling.

“Nothing!” he laughed, “I just love you, that’s all.” 

You kissed the tip of his nose, “Mhm, love you too. Now, come on.”

You grabbed the jar of cookies and he followed you out of the kitchen and onto the couch. You sat down and he threw himself down next to you. He grabbed your legs and pulled them onto his lap. He rubbed up and down your thighs before digging his hand into the jar again. 

“You know this is so cliche right? Losing our virginities on prom night?” he joked.

“Keep talking and I’ll make you wait longer,” you warned him playfully. 

He closed his mouth tightly and looked at you through the corners of his eyes, holding back laughter. He put another cookie into his mouth and fought back a smile as he chewed. 

“How many of these are you going to eat?” you laughed.

“You’re right, I should stop. I have to watch my figure,” he teased, “You’re gonna see me naked soon.” 

Prom Night:

You sat at your desk, putting the finishing touches on your makeup. The bouquet of roses Jake gave you was sitting in a vase of water on your desk next to you. They had been slowly dying but you kept them anyway. 

Once you finished, you carefully put on your dress. It was a deep burgundy color that had sequin embellishments on the top half, a sweetheart neckline, and straps that rested just off your shoulders. It hugged your hips and flared out a little at the bottom perfectly. You ran your hands down your body, looked at yourself in the mirror and took a deep breath. Tonight was the night. You were ready. There was no doubt in your mind. 

You mom knocked on the door and poked her head through to tell you Jake had arrived. You gave yourself one last look of approval, and went to meet him.

As you got to the top of the stairs, you looked down and saw him standing there, talking to your parents. He was wearing a sharp black suit with a burgundy tie to match your dress. In his hand, he held a corsage. His hair was long and covered his forehead and the sides of his face. You had never seen him dressed up before. He looked perfect. 

Jake turned his head and looked up the stairs, smiling. The second he saw you, the smile he had faded and his mouth opened. His eyes never left yours as he watched you walk down the stairs. When you got to the bottom, he walked over to you and put his hand on your waist and moved it to rest on your lower back.

“You look,” he paused for a second, “absolutely beautiful.”

You smiled and looked up at him, “Thank you. You look handsome.” 

He gave you a light kiss and pulled away to take the corsage out of the box and put it on your wrist, a burgundy rose with black ribbons and dark green leaves. You pinned a matching boutonniere to his suit jacket. 

You took pictures and your parents hugged you goodbye. They knew you’d be staying with Jake for the night. 

Jake escorted you out to the car and opened the door for you. He helped you get in and leaned in to kiss you deeper, now that your parents weren’t watching. He stopped and put his hands on the seat, both hands rested on either side of your legs. 

“Seriously,” he began, “you are the most beautiful woman in the world.” 

You took a second to take in the word he used. Woman.

His eyes scanned your face and he shook his head as a smile crept on his face. It was almost like he couldn’t believe what he was looking at. 

The sunset in the distance highlighted the red undertones in his hair and made his eyes sparkle. His skin had a slight tan from him being outside recently. But other than that, something about him was different. He had a confidence about himself you’d never seen in him before. 

Jake got in the driver’s side and held out his hand for you to hold. You took it and he brought it to his mouth and kissed it. He rubbed the top with his thumb as he drove.

When you got to the venue, you met up with Josh and the rest of your friends. Josh was wearing a similar black suit to Jake’s, but with lavender details to match one of his friends. 

“You look radiant,” Josh said as he hugged you.

“Aw thank you! You look so handsome, Joshua,” you replied sweetly. 

“Save a dance for me,” he said as he winked at you and walked back over to his friends. 

You and Jake had a night straight out of a fairytale. You danced with friends and each other the entire time. And of course, you saved a dance for Josh, who you later found out was pretty tipsy from taking shots in the bathroom. Those theater kids really were wild. 

About halfway through the night, you and Jake went outside to get some air. You looked out at the field behind the venue. The sky was filled with what looked to be millions of stars. The moon was full and bright. 

Jake turned you around to face the sky. He held you from behind and rested his head on your shoulder. You rested your hands on top of his and tilted your head back onto him. 

“Can I just hold you for a second?” he asked. 

You nodded, closed your eyes, and breathed in deep with him. 

Jake was taking in the last few moments of innocence he had left. He knew after tonight, things would be different. Things would never be this pure and sweet again. He was saying goodbye to the last part of his childhood. He was about to cross the threshold into becoming a man. He was nervous. But he was ready. 

He closed his eyes and smiled into your neck, kissing it gently and tickling you with his hair. You pulled away and turned around, giving him a soft kiss on the lips. He held your waist and led you back inside to finish the night. 

 When the prom had ended, you said bye to Josh and your friends. Josh kissed you on the cheek and wished you a good night. Jake and Josh hugged tight and did that twin thing they do where they spoke without really saying any words.

You and Jake walked back to his car hand in hand. He stopped you before you got in, placing his hands on your waist and giving you the softest kiss on the lips.

“I had the most amazing time with you tonight,” you said.

“Yeah, me too,” he smiled, biting his lip, “you ready to go home?” he asked.

“Mhm,” you said quietly, nodding your head.

The drive back to Jake’s house was quiet. You both knew why. He was breathing deep in the driver’s seat, his hands were shaking as he held the steering wheel. There was a reason he wasn’t holding your hands or your leg like he normally would. He was nervous and one thing Jake didn’t do well was hide nerves. He got quiet, jittery, and zoned out a little. 

Jake pulled into the empty driveway of the dark house. Only the front door light was on. Sam was at Danny’s house and his parents took Ronnie to visit his grandparents for the weekend. They knew Josh would be away and figured you and Jake would want to be alone anyway.

When you entered the house, it felt like the time he snuck you in, in November. Back then, you were a little nervous. But this time, your heart was pounding and adrenaline was running through your veins like never before. What started as an innocent kiss in his garage had turned into something much bigger than the two of you.

Jake closed the front door behind you and pushed you against it softly as he kissed you. You grabbed the back of his neck and deepened the kiss. You pushed him back a little and saw his eyes still closed, lips wet, and a hint of a smile forming. He opened his eyes and blinked slowly, like he was in a dream.

“Come on,” he whispered.

He grabbed both your hands and pulled you off the door and down the hallway towards his room. You both walked in and he closed the door. He took a deep breath in through his nose and let it back out through his mouth.

The moonlight was coming through the window, shining on his bed. 

You stood in the middle of the room and took off your jewelry, placing it carefully on Josh’s bed. The only piece you kept on was the necklace Jake gave you for Christmas. 

Jake walked over to you, took his tie off, and tossed it next to your jewelry. He unbuttoned the top few buttons of the white shirt he had on and pulled you close to him, resting his hands on your waist. 

“Are you sure you want to do this?” he asked, looking deep into your eyes.

“I want to give you something no one else can have,” you whispered. 

A small smile appeared on his face and then his expression changed back to being serious as he spoke.

“You tell me if you want me to stop, or if I’m hurting you, okay?” 

“Okay,” you assured him.

“You trust me?” 

“I trust you,” you confirmed.

“I love you,” he said softly.

“I love you too, Jake.” 

Jake took his time with you. He was gentle, sweet, and loving. He was everything you could have asked him to be. You knew he was nervous, but he wanted this to be perfect for you. And it was. It was absolutely perfect. He put all of his anxiety behind him to make sure you were comfortable. He had wanted this for longer than you had and he still made it all about you. 

You laid there next to him with your head on his chest and your legs tangled in his. His breathing slowed down and his heartbeat went back to normal. He rubbed your back and swirled his fingers along your spine. You looked up at him. The moonlight was shining on his face, highlighting his cheekbones and casting shadows over his eyes. The sweat on his face glistened in the faint white light coming through the window.

You sat up a little and reached your hand out to wipe his hair out of his face. The sweat on his forehead caused his hair to curl up just a bit. His eyes were calm and soft. The faintest smile spread across his face as he looked down at you. He was absolutely glowing.

“Thank you,” you whispered, rubbing your thumb over his cheek bone.

He lifted your chin with his knuckle and kissed your forehead. 

“I love you more than ever,” he said quietly. 

You didn’t reply but he didn’t need you to. He knew you loved him more than ever too.  

You thought you loved him that day in the snow. You thought you loved him when he took you to the cliffside and you watched the stars. You thought you loved him when he danced around the kitchen to his favorite song. But at that moment, after giving him the last of yourself, you loved him more than you would ever love him or anyone else.

“Go to sleep, Baby,” he whispered, putting your head back down on his chest and rubbing your back again. 

You fell asleep that night to the sound of his heartbeat and the rising and falling of his chest underneath you. 

You woke up the next morning with Jake’s leg on top of yours,his face nuzzled into your neck, and his arm wrapped around your stomach. The hairs on his legs tickled yours and the sounds of his light snoring made you giggle. You cuddled yourself against him and closed your eyes for a few more moments, taking it all in. You smelled Jake’s cologne on the pillow, which made your heart flutter with memories. 

You pulled yourself out of his grasp a bit to sit up on your elbow and look around. The events of last night replayed in your mind after looking at the pile of accessories on Josh’s bed, your dress on the floor, pieces of Jake’s suit thrown around the room, and a little silver wrapper on the nightstand. You turned your head back to look at him and smiled.

The whole “afterglow” thing was real and you could see it on Jake. The morning sun was shining on him through the window. The olive tones of his tan were coming through, and just a hint of pink appeared on his cheeks. His mouth was open slightly and his lips were a little swollen. He looked so peaceful. You brushed the hair out of his eyes and kissed his cheek. 

He raised his eyebrows, took a deep breath in, and blinked a few times. Smiling and letting out a sigh when he realized you were next to him. 

“Mmm, good morning,” he said in a deep, morning voice.

“Morning,” you replied sweetly.

He let out a hum and pulled you closer to him, tightening his hold. He kissed the side of your face and down your neck a little, softly.

“Sleep well last night?” he spoke into your neck.

“Mhmm,” you replied.

You and Jake laid there in a daze for what felt like just minutes even though it was closer to an hour. You could tell from his breathing that he fell back asleep briefly. When he woke back up, he sat up and scooted to the foot of his bed, pulling on a pair of underwear and kneeling at his nightstand drawer. He pulled out a shirt and a pair of boxers and handed them to you. 

“I’ll be right back,” he said, kissing your forehead, sneaking out of the room, and closing the door behind him. 

You put on his clothes, laid back down in his bed, and breathed in his scent on the pillow. He knocked softly on the door and opened it. He walked over to you with two cups of coffee. You sat up and he handed you one. 

“I put extra sugar in yours,” he said.

“Thank you, Baby,” you replied, smiling at him. 

He sat down at the edge of the bed and took a sip.

“So,” he began, “did you have fun last night?” He asked suggestively, giving you a playful smirk.

You giggled, “Shut up.”

He let out a laugh through his nose and looked at you softly. His expression turned more serious before he spoke again, “You okay?” he asked quietly.

“I have never been better,” you assured him. 

“Good,” he whispered back, kissing your cheek. 

You scooted over, he crawled into the bed next to you, and both of you leaned against the headboard and continued to drink the coffee as you talked for a little. 

“Could you tell?” he asked.

“Tell what?”

“Tell how fucking nervous I was?” He laughed.

“From your hands shaking the entire time? No, I couldn’t tell,” you answered sarcastically and laughed.

You leaned your head against his shoulder. 

“You were perfect,” you assured him.

He let out a sigh of relief and turned his face to kiss the top of your head.

“You wanna shower? You can go first,” he said with his chin rested on the top of your head. You snuck your head out from under him and turned to face him.

“What if you come with me?” you suggested.

He raised his eyebrows at you. “With you as in…”

You crawled over him, got out of bed, and started walking out of the room. When you got to the door, you turned around and looked at him.

“You coming or what?” you giggled. 

Jake jumped out of bed to follow you into the bathroom. You’ve never seen him move faster. 

You spent the day with Jake at his house. Mostly eating, cuddling on the couch, and doing other things that you were both a little more comfortable doing after last night. 

Sam got home in the late afternoon, walking through the door with a huge backpack on his shoulder. His skinny frame struggled to keep it up.

“Hey,” he said as he kicked his shoes off and slid the backpack onto the floor. “How was prom?”

“Good,” you and Jake replied simultaneously.

“Good? That’s it?” he asked.

“That’s it,” Jake answered.

“Hmm,” Sam said, almost suspiciously. He pointed at the two of you. “You guys look different,” he said bluntly.

“That doesn’t make any sense, Sammy,” Jake said nonchalantly.

“Yeah, Sam, you were gone for one night. How different could we possibly be?” you added.

Sam’s eyes squinted at the both of you. As someone who was very intelligent, he didn’t like when he didn’t understand what was going on. And as the youngest child, he felt like that often. He knew something was up but he couldn’t put his finger on it. He rolled his eyes and turned to walk down the hall. His footsteps faded away and he got closer to the boys’ room.

As the door of the room closed, you heard “What the fuck?” from Sam in the room. You and Jake both looked at each other, wide eyed, when it hit you that you didn’t clean up the room from last night. 

When you heard Sam start the shower, you and Jake went back into the room and got rid of the evidence of last night’s events. You both decided it was a good time for you to go home, while Sam was out of the way. 

When you got home, you told your mom all about prom and how much fun you had, leaving out the explicit details of course. She saw how happy Jake made you.

You went to your room to put your things away and you looked at the flowers in the vase. All of them- completely dead. You pulled one out to save and took the rest downstairs to throw away.

“Flowers finally died?” your mom asked.

“Yeah,” you said as you smiled to yourself.

June 2014:

Graduation was in two weeks. Each senior had to turn in a sentence of their after graduation plans for the ceremony’s program booklet. You and Jake laid on his bed with a notebook open, thinking of what to write for him. Josh was on his bed, texting. He had already turned in his sentence. 

Jake stared at the ceiling with a pencil in his mouth. He was stuck. He didn’t exactly have typical post-graduation plans.

“What did you write, Josh?” he asked.

“I wrote that I was going to Michigan State to study filmmaking. It’s not that hard, don’t worry so much about it,” Josh shrugged.

“It’s easy to say that when you actually have a plan,” Jake said, rolling his eyes, “I can’t write that I’m not going to college so I can try my luck at being a rockstar.” 

He turned his head to look at you.

“Did you do yours yet?” he asked. 

You bit your lip, “Yeah, I actually wanted to talk to you about that.”

“Why?” he asked, looking back to the ceiling. 

You took a deep breath, looked over at him, and then looked over at Josh. 

“Josh,” you started, “Can you give us a second?” 

“Yeah sure. But if you guys start boning, I will tell the entire world about that one time when we were thirteen and Jake-”

“Okay, that’s enough,”  Jake interrupted, laughing.

Josh walked out of the room and shut the door behind him.

“I’m serious, Jake!” he called as you heard his voice trailing down the hallway, away from the door.

Jake sat up and smiled, “What do you want to talk about?”

You closed your eyes for a second and swallowed. 

“Please don’t say you’re pregnant,” Jake warned.

You sat up and laughed a little, “No,” you began, “It’s about this whole college thing.”

“Okay what is it?” he asked casually.

You grabbed his hands and put them in your lap. You didn’t know how to even begin to explain this to him.

“So, you know I got into Michigan, right?”

“Mhm,” he nodded.

“Well, I also got into NYU,” you added, swallowing hard.

“NYU? As in New York?” he asked. He had the most confused look on his face. 

You nodded silently.

“I mean, that’s great and all but you’re not actually gonna go,” he laughed. “You’re gonna stay here, right?” he said casually.

You bit your lip and looked down at his hands in your lap. He could tell that something was wrong because you weren’t looking him in the eyes. When you looked up, Jake’s face was full of worry. The gears were turning in his head as he put the pieces of the puzzle together. He knew where this conversation was going.

“Right?” he repeated, a little louder, with concern. 

“Jake,” you started.

“You’re going aren’t you?” His voice was full of sadness, with a bit of anger mixed in.

“Jake, please don’t be mad.” 

He got up off the bed, stood up, and looked down at you. 

“Don’t you have to commit to these things, like, months in advance? You knew about this for a while now, didn’t you? When did you find out about this? When did you decide that you were going?” 

As he rattled off questions, his tone got sharper. 

“March,” you sighed. You watched his face drop, “The night of your show,” you said quietly. 

“March?” He looked to the ceiling in disbelief.  “The night of the show where you told me not to keep secrets from you?”

You got off the bed, walked over to him, and grabbed his hands. He pulled them away from you and crossed his arms. His eyes weren’t soft and tired anymore. They were filled with anger and betrayal. His world was just flipped upside down by the one person he trusted the most. 

“Jake, I know you’re mad and I’m sorry. I should have told you earlier but there just wasn’t a good time. And your reaction right now is exactly why I waited so long to tell you,” you explained, “ I didn’t want to hurt you.”

There was a moment of silence and Jake looked to the ground before he spoke.

“You could’ve at least told me before I fucked you,” he said bluntly.

“Fucked me? Fucked me?!” You screamed as both your hands pushed into his chest and he stumbled backwards into his nightstand. The force of his back hitting it caused the entire piece of furniture to shake and things fell off the top of it and onto the floor.

His arms uncrossed and as he yelled he waved them around. “Yeah, that’s why you wanted me to do it, right? So you could get it over with before going to New York to get fucked by random guys like some cheap college slut? While I’m here, in fucking Michigan playing a bar gig once a week for two hundred fucking dollars?!”

Your jaw dropped and you breathed out hard. You could have sworn the world stopped moving for a split second. His words hurt you like nothing ever had before. It was as if he stabbed you in the chest and twisted the knife. Tears filled your eyes instantly and you looked at him with blurry vision.

“I can’t believe you just said that to me,” you whispered.

You saw the look of instant regret on his face. It was as if he couldn’t believe he just said that either. 

“Baby, I shouldn’t have said that. I didn’t mean that. You know I didn’t mean that.”

He walked over to you and grabbed your hands but you stepped back from him, ripping away from his touch harshly. 

“No, you did,” you choked out, “you absolutely meant that.”

All he could do was shake his head and hope you would forgive him. He sat down, put his elbows on his knees, and rested his head in his hands. He was thinking. Hard. 

He looked up at you, his eyes begged you to say something. But you couldn’t. You were frozen standing there, there was a pain in your chest that still stung from his words.

He stood up and walked over to you. He wiped your tears and kissed your cheeks. You winced as he did it. You were disgusted by him right now and he knew it. You didn’t think he would ever hurt you the way he just did. 

He backed away from you once he realized he needed to give you space and explain himself.

“You just sprung this whole thing on me and I don’t know how to react to it. And then you tell me not to be mad? I’m losing everything I know. How am I not supposed to be mad?” he explained.

“How are you losing everything?” you asked, throwing your hands up in the air and letting them drop to your sides. 

He paused for a minute before speaking. It was just a second or two but it felt like forever.

“There’s two things in life I’m sure of. Music… and you. But now suddenly, life is telling me I can’t have either. And without those two things, I’m nothing.” 

His voice got shaky as tears formed in his eyes. He looked up at the ceiling and tried not to let them fall. 

“What makes you think you can’t have both?” you asked.

“I’m losing Josh, which means I’m losing the band,” he began.

“He’s going an hour away, it’s not the end of the world, Jake!” you cut him off as you tried to explain.

“This band is all I have!” he snapped.

“Okay and what? You don’t have me?” you shouted back.

“No, I don’t have you! Did you not just tell me you were going to go to New York?!”

“Baby, we could do long distance. We could make it work,” you suggested, trying to rationalize a plan.

“How could that ever work? For four years? At least? You realize what’s gonna happen right? You’re gonna get busy with classes and homework. You’re gonna make all new friends and have an entire new life. A life that doesn’t… doesn’t include me.” 

“Jake, you know that would nev-”

“No,” said softly and shook his head, “You know it’s true. We both do. I’m gonna lose you. You’ll forget me- and I can’t handle that. Might as well end it now. Save us both some time.”

He was looking down. He couldn’t even look you in the eyes.

Your jaw dropped in disbelief. You couldn’t believe he just said that. After everything the two of you had been through, he was just going to throw it all away like this? You knew he would be upset at the news you gave him but you never expected this reaction from him. 

“You really want that?” you whispered, praying he would change his mind. 

He shook his head, almost like he couldn’t believe the words coming out of his own mouth.

“I, I…” he stuttered. He couldn’t say it but you knew exactly what he was thinking. 

“You want me to leave? You want to end it now? Save you some time? Fine. I’m gone. We’re done,” you said sharply.

“That’s what I said! Go! You’re gonna do it anyway,” Jake said louder, motioning his hand to the door.

“You really want me to go?” you said. It was a question but at the same time, it wasn’t. You were confirming what he wanted.

“Yes, go! Go have fun getting bent over behind a bar by some rich New York guy. They love innocent little Midwestern girls over there,” he said, with rage in his voice.

Your eyes filled up with tears again as his words stabbed you in the heart once again. 

“Fuck you,” you said, looking at him through tear filled eyes.

“Yeah, fuck you, too, Baby. Have a nice life,” he said, lifting his chin and blowing you a kiss.

You shook your head at him in disbelief and walked to the door. You grabbed the door handle and flung it open to see Sam and Josh standing there, listening to everything. 

“Take me home, Josh,” you demanded.

He nodded quickly, looking at you with sympathy in his eyes.

Sam awkwardly walked away, not sure what he should do. 

Josh went into the room to get his keys and you heard him speak to Jake. 

“That was so fucked up,” he said. 

He met you in the hallway and left Jake in the room by himself.

As you walked down the hallway and towards the front door with Josh, you heard the boys’ bedroom door slam.  

Josh drove you home and sat in your driveway with you for hours while you told him everything. Everything.

He listened to what you had to say closely. He held you as you cried on his shoulder. He rubbed your back and petted your head, comforting you. His embrace was what you needed from Jake right now. But you needed someone, and other than Jake, he was a person you could trust.

Josh walked you inside and tucked you into bed. He made sure you were okay to leave alone before he left. He told your parents what happened so that you didn’t have to. 

You laid there, absolutely sick. You had a lump in your throat and your stomach was in knots. Your eyes and lips were swollen from all the crying you’d done in the past few hours. You didn’t even know your body could produce that many tears. Your heart was completely ripped out of your chest. 

You cried yourself to sleep that night. It was the first of many nights like that.

When Josh got back home, Jake was sitting on the couch in the basement with his elbows on his knees, and his head hanging low with his hands in his hair. 

Every part of his bedroom reminded him of you and he couldn’t be in there. The smell of you that he loved, lingered on his sheets and made him physically sick to the point of him vomiting. 

Josh didn’t want to get in the middle of things but he knew Jake needed him just as much as you did. 

Josh let Jake get it all out and calmed him down considerably. But Jake slept downstairs for the next week. When Jake finally returned to sleep in his bed, Josh pretended that he didn’t hear Jake crying every night. 

Jake skipped English class that entire week so you didn’t see him at school at all. You knew he was there because you saw his Jeep in the parking lot. He was avoiding you. You were glad he was though because you couldn’t handle seeing him. 

On Saturday morning, your heart stopped when you saw his name light up on your phone screen.

10:38 am: Can I see you? I can come to your house.

You sat there for a while thinking if you should reply or not. You wanted to see him. You needed to see him. You wanted him to hold you and tell you things were going to be okay and that he was willing to try. You wanted to feel his arms around you and his rough hands holding your face. You wanted to push his shaggy hair out of his eyes and see his smile shining bright. You had just the tiniest bit of hope that that would happen.

You took a deep breath and answered.

10:50 am: Okay

The doorbell rang shortly after and when you opened the door, you saw him standing there looking horrific. He had bags under his eyes and the color in his face had faded. His hair was a mess and his cheeks were hollowed out. You could tell he wasn’t sleeping or eating. You started to cry just looking at him. 

“Can we talk? Please?” he asked, practically begging.

You nodded and sat down on your front steps with him. 

He grabbed your hands and you felt his touch for the first time in a week.

“I’m sorry for what I said,” he began. 

“You should be,” you said quietly.

“I know. I just…I wanted you to be as mad as I was. I wanted you to feel guilty.”

You rolled your eyes, “Well then you got what you wanted, didn’t you?”

Tears formed in his eyes as he saw how hurt you were. He started breathing heavily and swallowed, fighting back the tears. He put his head down and closed his eyes.

“I don’t want you to leave,” he said as a single tear from his eye fell onto your hand. 

“Jake,” you began, “Remember what we said? About seeing the world? What if this is my chance?” 

“I thought you said we would see the world together?” he said, looking up at you.

“Jake, please,” you begged him. 

Things changed. You always thought you would stay in Michigan with Jake and support him and his music. Maybe one day he would become successful and you’d be able to see the world with him. But with you and Josh leaving, and Jake’s dreams becoming more and more unattainable, it seemed like the only one who would be seeing the world was you. 

You wanted to go. Jake knew you wanted to go. But the thought of leaving him behind broke your heart, and the thought of you moving on with your life broke his. He knew once you left, he would lose you little by little. And you couldn’t help but wonder if he was right.

“You really want to go, don’t you?”

You nodded.

“Then, I have to let you go,” he said, “I love you, but I have to let you go,” he repeated. 

He kissed your lips softly, one last time. You kissed him back and held onto the moment for as long as you could. 

The tears on both your faces mixed together, causing both your cheeks to be wet. He pulled back and held your face in his hand, wiping the tears with his thumb. You shook your head, crying. His eyes that were once full of happiness and love, were full of pain and sadness.

“You’re gonna go see the world,” he whispered, “You’re gonna love it.”

With that, he kissed you on the cheek and got up. He walked over to the car, got in, and drove away.��

He left you there on the steps, absolutely crushed. 

You ran upstairs sobbing. You threw yourself into bed and clutched his hoodie close to feel some sort of comfort from him. You buried your face into it, smelling him on it and letting it absorb your tears.

Jake, the one person who you felt the most safe with, just completely shattered your heart into a million pieces and there was nothing you could do to fix it. There was no changing his mind. You stayed in your room for a while, just crying and thinking about him and what just happened.

A few hours later, you heard your doorbell ring. You went downstairs and opened the door to see his Jeep turning the corner. You looked down to see a cardboard box on your front step. When you looked inside, you felt a deep pain in your chest. Your hands shook as you picked through the items inside. A bunch of pictures of the two of you, your corsage from prom, and some of your clothes, including the big, white, Greta Van Fleet shirt. It wasn’t even your shirt. It was his, but he knew it was your favorite. Finally at the bottom- the Stephen Stills album you gave him for his birthday. You expected him to give you your stuff back. But you never expected to see that album sitting in the box. You picked up the album and a piece of paper, about the size of an index card, fell out. You closed your eyes and took a deep breath. You opened them back up and read…

Go see the world. -Jake

The next day, you dropped off a box of Jake’s stuff and left it with Sam. Inside you put the necklace he gave you for Christmas, the document of the star named after you, his clothes, and the single dead rose you kept from his prom flowers. Sam took it from you and gave you a weak smile. 

“You know,” he began, “he really did love you. He still does. He just, he just doesn’t know how to deal with all this. I know you didn’t mean to hurt him. And he didn’t mean to hurt you. Maybe he’ll come around, ya know? Maybe he just needs some time?”

You nodded and gave Sam a hug. It was the first and only time you ever hugged Sam. He was small, and cute, and yes he was annoying. But, you grew to absolutely adore him. 

“I’m gonna miss you, Sammy,” you whispered.

He rubbed your back as he hugged you, “I’m gonna miss you too. I hope I get to see you again, one day.”

You smiled, nodded, and pulled away from him, giving him a kiss on the cheek. 

“My first kiss!” he gasped, lightly holding his cheek over where you kissed him. 

You laughed and said your final goodbye to him. You looked back at the house one last time to see Sam in the doorway, holding the box and waving at you.

Graduation day came and you watched Jake and Josh walk across the stage, one after the other. You saw Jake smile for the first time in what looked like a long time. He seemed genuinely happy. Seeing him smile like that made your heart break. That was the same smile he used to give you. Now all you could do was watch him from afar.

As he walked off stage with his diploma in hand, he looked over at you. He always knew when you were looking at him. Your eyes caught his for a moment and he gave you a small smile. You smiled softly back at him and looked away, heartbroken. That was the last time you ever saw Jake Kiszka. 

After graduation, you went home and looked into the program, curious to see what Jake eventually came up with for his plans. Tears came flooding back as you read…

“Joshua M. Kiszka: Michigan State University- Film Studies”

Jake’s name was supposed to be above Josh’s, but it was skipped in the program. Jake never submitted anything. A tear fell from your eyes and hit the second K in Kiszka, splattering the ink on the paper. You put the program in the box of your stuff from Jake and shoved it under your bed, where it would stay, untouched, for years. 

That summer, you kept in touch with Josh a bit. He would often ask you how you were doing, if you needed anything, and if you wanted to hang out. Even though you wanted to, you never went to see him because you knew it would hurt too much. 

He mentioned Jake was doing better and putting his pain into music as a distraction. It may not have been the best coping method, but it helped. Music was always Jake’s escape and it was the only thing he had at the time.

Your contact with Josh faded as the summer went on and as the band took off. A management company was looking to work with them, which led to record deal offers and album writing. They started playing shows all around Michigan and in the upper Midwest. 

Josh ended up not going to Michigan State as previously planned. He was going to put his dream of film making on hold to help Jake achieve his dream. 

While Jake went after his dream, you did too. You started college in New York and buried the pain of Jake as you got busier with school, internships, jobs, and life in the city. 

But through the years, you still felt him. Every time it snowed, you pictured him on top of you in the snow, wearing that beanie he loved. Every time the wind blew through your hair, your mind took you back to being on the highway with him with the windows down. The smell of pine trees made you think of his house on Christmas. Every time you ate a chocolate chip cookie, you remembered the taste of them on his lips. 

You went back to Frankenmuth on breaks and for holidays but every time you did, Jake was gone. Any time you drove past the Kiszka’s house, all the lights were out and mail was piled up by the door, indicating that they haven’t been home for a while. Every now and again, people around town mentioned they were doing well. You never looked into it though. You knew it would hurt too much. 

One day, you saw an advertisement that Greta Van Fleet would be the musical guest on SNL. A little voice in the back of your head told you to look them up and see what they were doing. SNL was huge and it was almost unfathomable that they actually made it. You knew they were doing well but you didn’t know they were doing that well. 

You listened to that little voice and searched. You felt instant regret but you couldn’t stop yourself. As you looked at pictures of them, there was no holding back your tears.

Danny and Sam got tall and grew their hair out. Sam’s braces were gone and his sweet, baby face chiseled out, with little specks of facial hair poking out of his chin. He definitely grew into his nose, too. 

Josh’s hair got curlier, and his clothes got even crazier, in the best way. It was so Josh and you loved it. He still had those wild eyes that were full of ideas and his warm smile that lit up rooms. 

You breathed heavily and your heart sank when you looked at Jake’s photo. His hair was long, past his shoulders, like he always wanted. It had a bit of a wave to it and it didn’t cover his forehead anymore. His clothes were cooler. He traded his sneakers and t-shirts for boots and shirts unbuttoned to his stomach. His body was more filled out. His muscles were more defined. You were looking at pictures of a grown man. He looked good. 

Out of curiosity, you watched a video of them. Jake’s voice was deeper. He still had that adorable smile and those deep eyes that sparked. You cried harder as the video played on. They were in a record store, talking about their favorites. Sam of course, was looking for something wacky and Josh was all over the film soundtracks. Your heart stopped when you saw Jake’s choice. The Stephen Stills album. He said he wanted it because of a certain song. Love the One You’re With. 

You closed your eyes and images of him flashed through your mind. You saw him in the kitchen of the cabin on his birthday; spinning around on his feet and singing the song out to you. You felt his hands around your waist and his lips on your cheek. He was so happy that day. That was the day he said you were his forever. 

You couldn’t take it anymore. You turned the video off and cried just as much as you did the night you had that argument with him, almost five years ago. 

For years, you had pushed the memories of him away. They were too painful to even think about. But now, they came flooding back with full force- knocking the wind out of your lungs and stabbing at your heart. 

Did he ever think of you the way you thought of him? He was your everything once, and you were his. Now he was nothing but a memory to you and you couldn’t help but wonder if you were nothing to him too. 

Jake was out there living his dream. Performing for huge crowds, traveling all over, and playing the music he loved. This was what he always wanted and now he was actually doing it. You were proud of him but your heart had a hole where he used to be. He was out there, exploring the world, without you. 

November 2019:

It was the day before Thanksgiving and your graduating class decided to do an unofficial 5 year reunion at a local bar since everyone would be home for the holiday anyway. You flew in from New York that morning and decided to go to the event. You hadn’t seen your highschool friends in a few months and you were excited to see what they were up to. 

You only had one thing that made you nervous about the event but your friends told you that you had nothing to worry about in regard to seeing Jake. The band was on tour in Europe at the moment so there was no way he could be there. 

Catching up with your friends was much needed. It was nice to get a break from work and the city and be back in your little hometown. 

You were at the bar, about to order a drink when you heard everyone inside get louder. You looked toward the sound of the voices and saw two figures. 

Brown curly hair, a striped jacket, tan pants, and little white sneakers.

Long dark hair, skinny jeans, boots, and a half buttoned black shirt. 

Your stomach dropped and your heart raced at the sight of both of them. It was like the world stopped moving. You were paralyzed. The bar was filled with people, but you only saw them. 

Your eyes instantly went to Jake. Him and Josh were talking to a bunch of people. Everyone wanted to hear their stories of fame and success. 

Jake’s eyes were gleaming. His smile was big and shone bright like it always did. 

Just as you were about to look away, he caught you. After all, he always knew when you were looking at him.

Your eyes met and everything around you suddenly stopped. His face dropped at the sight of you. He looked like he just saw a ghost. 

You looked away from him, shook your head, and walked out of sight, out the back door of the bar and onto the empty patio area. 

You stood outside, looking at the sky and breathing slowly to calm yourself. You heard the back door open and you closed your eyes. 

“I knew you’d be out here,” you heard a deep, raspy voice say softly. 

You turned around to see Jake standing there with his hands in his front pockets, looking up at the sky.

You turned your back to him and he walked up and stood next to you. He pulled out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. 

“Care if I smoke right now?” he asked.

You shook your head, “No, you can.”

You two stood in silence for a while as the smell of cigarette smoke filled the air. 

“You did it. You became a rockstar,” you finally said, breaking the silence.

“Yeah well, someone once told me I was talented,” he looked over at you, smiling slightly.

You smiled at him and then looked back up to the sky.

“So, you’re seeing the world. What’s it like?” you asked.

He let a small laugh out of his nose and breathed deeply, “Incredible,” he whispered.

You looked at him with a funny feeling inside. You were happy that he was out there living his dream. But sad because he had a whole new life now, a life that didn’t include you.

You closed your eyes and took a deep breath, faintly smelling the scent of his cologne. It was the same one you used to smell on his sheets in the morning, and smell on his neck when you kissed him. 

“You know,” he began, throwing the remaining bits of his cigarette on the ground, “You’re with me everywhere I go.”

“What do you mean?”

“No matter where I am in the world or what’s going on in life- every time I look up at the sky at night, I think of you.”

He pointed to a spot in the sky. 

“There you are. Right above the four little ones in a row,” he said, “It’s almost like, it’s me, Josh, Sam, and Danny. And then you.”

You looked up and your vision got blurry as tears filled your eyes.

You turned to him and grabbed his hands. They were bigger and rougher than they’d been years ago.

“I’m really proud of you, you know that?” you asked.

He nodded, giving you a closed mouth smile.

You sat out there with Jake for hours. You told him all about college, work, and your life in New York. He told you all about his career, his travels, and what his brothers were up to. He told you about SNL, and that he thought of you the whole time he was in the city, hoping that maybe, just maybe you were watching. You told him you didn’t watch and you saw a small wave of sadness wash over him. 

It was quiet for a moment until you spoke again.

“I never forgot you, y’know?” 

“What do you mean?”

“That night. You said that I’d forget you,” you looked at him and then back to the ground, “I never did.”

He sighed and looked to the ground too. You could tell he was thinking hard. He was replaying that night in his head, just like you were. 

“Do you ever regret it?” you finally asked.

He nodded and sighed, “Everyday for years I wondered what things would be like if I didn’t let you walk out of my room that night. If I went after you. Or if I would have tried. But we’ll never know, will we?”

You shook your head and shrugged your shoulders, knowing there was no hope of it now.

He asked you if you were seeing anyone and you told him about some dates you’d gone on, none of them really working out. He told you he had a girlfriend, Jita. He showed you pictures, she was beautiful. He said he told her all about you.

“I’m really glad I got to see you tonight,” you said.

“Yeah me too,” he replied.

“If you’re ever in New York, let me know,” you said.

He nodded and looked down. He put his hand behind his neck and bit his lip. There it was, that nervous little movement he always did. Even though he was a rockstar now, he was still a little kid from Frankenmuth, Michigan deep down.

“Can I hug you?” he asked quietly.

“I’d like that,” you replied.

He pulled you close to him and held you tight, with one arm around your back and the other on your head. His body was warm, and bigger than the last time he held you. You rested your head on his shoulder like you used to. His hair tickled your cheeks again and the familiar smell of him filled your lungs. You closed your eyes and took the moment in. 

Even after all those years, in his arms, you felt safe, you felt at home, and most of all, you felt loved.

He pulled away and gave you a kiss on the cheek. He started to walk back inside and turned back around to you. 

“You coming back in?” he asked. 

“Yeah,” you answered. 

You took one last look at the star in the sky. The little one right above the string of four. Tonight, it was right next to the moon. You let out a breath and smiled. You were with him everywhere he went. No matter where he was, or where you were- you were both with each other. Forever.

You turned to walk with him and he opened the door for you, letting you go before him.

“So what’s this about you being Sam’s first kiss?” he laughed as the two of you walked back inside. 

Epilogue: 

Josh sat in the conference room of the Greta Van Fleet management offices, typing on his computer when Jake walked in. 

“Hey, we’re gonna leave in a second? You ready?” he asked, leaning on the doorframe.

“Yeah,” Josh replied, “I’m just finishing up some stuff.” 

“Another screenplay?” Jake teased as he walked towards the table Josh was sitting at.

“Yeah, it’s not really my usual style but the idea just kind of came to me and I’m in the process of selling it to a production company.”

“Oh shit, what’s it about?” Jake asked.

“It’s kind of a coming of age sort of thing. It’s the story about a first love that falls apart, from the female character’s point of view. With brief insights of the male’s perspective.”

“Sounds cheesy,” Jake joked as he looked over Josh’s shoulder and tried to take a peek.  

Josh looked up at him to see Jake’s eyes glancing at the screen. He closed the computer quickly.

“I saw my name,” Jake said bluntly.

“No you didn’t!” Josh replied in a high pitched voice, laughing him off.

Jake paused for a second, looking down, and thinking hard. Then it hit him. He knew exactly the story Josh was writing. He squinted his eyes and looked at Josh. 

“Josh. I saw my name. I swear to God if you’re writing about what I think you’re writing about I will kill you.”

“I’m not!” Josh answered in defense, laughing nervously.

“Hm,” Jake breathed, still suspicious. He turned to leave the room, giving Josh a warning look.

When Jake closed the door behind him, Josh opened the computer back up and changed the name to Jack.

The End

October 2013:

It was the day after the kiss. You found yourself thinking about Jake throughout the day. He had always been a background character in your life. Barely a character at all to be honest. You never thought twice about him. But ever since that kiss, he was all you thought about. 

You saw your phone screen light up from across the room and your stomach did cartwheels when you read what was on the screen.

INSTAGRAM: @jake_kiszka has requested to follow you. 

You guessed it was safe to say he was thinking about you too. 

November 2013, Thanksgiving Break:

It was Saturday night and you and Jake planned to have a movie night in the Kiszka’s basement since the twins had the house to themselves for the next few hours. You changed in the bathroom and walked into Jake’s room to help him get the pillows and blankets from his bed and bring them downstairs. He was holding a pillow in his arm when you walked in wearing a tank top and pajama shorts. He was in a T-shirt and plaid pajama pants. You knelt down to put your old clothes in your backpack when Jake spoke. 

“Woah, Baby, you look hot,” he said as he looked you up and down.

You turned your head back around and stood up. Did he just say what you think you heard him say?

“What did you say?” you asked as you walked over to his bed.

Jake’s face dropped and a shade of pink appeared on his cheeks. “Uh, I said you look hot,” he answered. He had a little hint of panic on his face and his eyes widened a bit. 

“No,” you said, stretching out the word and grabbing a second pillow which rested on the foot of his bed. “What’d you call me?”

Jake paused. He looked down at the floor and grabbed the back of his neck with his available hand. He rubbed his neck and bit his lip.

“Nothing,” he replied shyly, looking up at you through the gaps in his hair.

You walked over to him and hit him gently with the pillow you were holding. “It didn’t sound like nothing,” you said sweetly.

He hit you softly with the pillow he was holding. “Well it was nothing.”

“Say it, Jake,” you teased. You hit him harder this time.

“No.” he smiled back at you and gave you an equal hit with his pillow. 

You raised the pillow at him, threatening to hit him with it again and he giggled, winding up his body with his pillow in hand.

“Don’t start something you can’t finish,” he warned playfully as he swung the pillow around your back and hit you on the butt with it. The force of his hit pushed your body closer to his and he pulled you in. 

He threw his pillow onto his bed and pulled you in by the waist, giving you little, light kisses on your lips. 

“Stop. Trying. To. Distract. Me.” you said in between kisses. You broke away from him and gave him a warning look.

“I’m not trying to do anything,” he whispered slyly, with a mischievous smile on his face. His smile faded a bit as he stared deep into your eyes for a moment. Holding his gaze longer than usual as his eyes seemed to get lost in yours.

While he was distracted, you quickly raised the pillow and connected it to his chest. The force caused him to stumble backwards and the backs of his knees hit the edge of his bed. He fell backwards onto it laughing. 

You jumped on top of him with each leg on either side of his torso and sat on his stomach. Your knees sank into his mattress and you threw the pillow out of the way. You grabbed his face with one hand and squeezed his cheeks together, causing his lips to part. With your other hand, you grabbed his wrists and pinned them on his chest. His whole body shook underneath you as he laughed. 

“Say it,” you sang out.

“If I say it will you let go of my face?” he giggled with his cheeks still smooshed together. His eyes squinted from smiling.

You let go of his cheeks and leaned down to kiss him, with your hands still holding his wrists. You released them and combed your hands through the hair covering his forehead. He brought his hands to your hips and rubbed his thumbs against the skin just above the waistband of your shorts. 

He looked into your eyes deeply. He had the calmest, softest eyes and the tiniest smile appeared on his face as he spoke. 

“Baby,” he whispered. 

Your tongue traced your lips and you looked down at him, smiling.

“Mmm, Baby,” you repeated.

His smile widened. You could tell he liked hearing your voice speak the word out to him. 

“Is that… okay?” he asked hesitantly.

“Yeah,” you nodded, “I like it.” 

One of his hands moved to the back of your neck and he pulled you in to kiss him. This kiss felt different. There was something special about it. You had just reached a milestone in your relationship together, one that would stick with the two of you forever.

You broke away from Jake and crawled off of him. He sat up and you pulled him off the bed by his arm, leading him out of the room.

The two of you went out to the kitchen to make popcorn. As you were waiting for it to pop, you saw Josh in the living room watching his own movie. 

“Baby can you get that big bowl from the top cabinet?” Jake asked.

Josh’s head spun around quicker than anything you’ve ever seen before. 

December 2013:

It was the middle of winter break. You weren’t allowed to go to Jake’s house after the Christmas incident. You hadn’t seen him in a few days but you talked through text every day. He said he would call you at night once he got home from his grandparents house. You laid in bed, waiting for his call. At around 9 pm, his name lit up on your phone screen and you picked it up instantly. 

You and Jake talked for a few hours but it felt like just a few minutes. You told each other what you did during the day and shared random stories from your lives. He told you he had a talk with Sam about girls and made you swear you would never let Sam know that you knew about it. You heard his voice get quieter as your conversation went on. You figured Josh and Sam had gone to bed.

“Tired?” you asked. 

It was getting late and you could hear it in Jake’s voice that he was about to fall asleep. 

“Mhmm,” he hummed, “But I missed your voice.”

“What else?” you asked, almost in a whisper.

You heard him shuffle around a bit and he began.

“I miss holding you. I miss playing with your hair. I miss your lips. I miss kissing you. I miss you kissing me. I miss how you smell,” he laughed a little, “I haven’t washed my sheets since you were here. I can smell you on them.”

You let out a small laugh.

“Mmm, that. I miss your laugh.” 

You could tell from his voice that he was smiling. You wished you could see him right now. You pictured his eyes squinting as his cheeks pushed up around them. Jake had the brightest and cutest smile you’d ever seen.

You sighed, “Okay my turn. I miss your smile. The way your face lights up when you’re happy. I miss holding your hands. I miss when you rub my back when I lay on you. I miss when you kiss my neck and your hair tickles me. I miss...”

You heard him breathing slowly and deeply on the other end of the phone.

“Jake?” you asked. 

“Hmm?” he replied slowly.

“Are you listening?”

“Mmm,” he replied. 

He sucked in a breath through his mouth that sounded like the little snores he does when he starts to fall asleep. You giggled quietly to yourself and listened for a few more minutes. The only thing coming from the other end of the phone was Jake’s breathing. 

You closed your eyes and imagined him next to you. You could practically feel his warm body holding you and making you feel safe and secure. His hands rubbing your back and tracing patterns on your skin. His legs finding their way on top of yours and the hairs on them tickling yours. His breathing and snoring noises being a lullaby to you and putting you to sleep.

You missed him more than you could even express to him. He felt like the safest place on earth. You were counting down the days until you would be in that place again. 

After some time of listening to him on the other end, you started to feel tired yourself.

“Night, Baby,” you whispered. You blew a small kiss to your phone, hung up, and went to sleep.

The next morning, you woke up to a text from Jake that read,

9:32 AM: You were in my dream last night, I’ll call you later and tell you about it. I won’t fall asleep this time I promise.

January 2014:

You and Jake walked into the laundry room soaking wet and cold from the snow. You took your coats off and threw them on top of the dryer. You pulled Jake’s hat off his head and he shook out his hair, giggling. Jake left for a second and came back with changes of his clothes for both of you. 

“You wanna change in here? I can leave if you want me to,” he said as he handed you the clothes. 

“Stay,” you whispered as you took the clothes from his hands and put them on top of the washing machine. You walked closer to him and wrapped your hands around his back. He put his hands on your waist. A smile crept onto his face and he leaned in to kiss you softly. 

“You wanna take this off?” he asked quietly, tugging at the bottom of your shirt. You nodded and raised your arms. Jake lifted the shirt up off you and over your head. He took his shirt off and threw them both on the pile on the dryer. 

He lowered his head and planted gentle kisses to your collarbone.

“I love you,” he said softly between kisses. 

His cold hands rested on the small of your back. The feeling of his cold hands mixed with the feeling of his cold lips on your bones gave you goosebumps all over. 

You giggled and held onto his head as his mouth worked on you. He pulled his lips from you and lifted his head to look at you. 

“Turn around,” he whispered. 

You turned around and moved your hair to the front of your shoulder. He rested his chin on your shoulder as his hands played with your bra strap. He snaked his fingers underneath and ran them back and forth under the fabric. He stopped moving his hand when he got to the clasp. 

“Can I?” his raspy voice spoke softly. 

You turned your head to look at him. Your eyes connected and you nodded slowly, “Yeah,” you whispered. 

He undid the clasp and pushed the straps off your shoulders. His rough fingertips slid gently down your arms. He rubbed the skin on your shoulders where the straps had once been. 

“I love you,” he said again, kissing your shoulder. 

You pulled your bra the rest of the way off and tossed it into the pile. You turned back around to face him and crossed your arms over your chest and rested your hands on your shoulders. You bit your lip and smiled at him. 

Jake undid his jeans, kicked them off his ankles, picked them up, and put them on the pile. The only thing left on him was his boxers. 

He knelt down in front of you and his eyes never left yours as he lowered himself to the floor. He put his hands on the button of your pants and you nodded at him. He undid the button and zipper and dug his fingers into the belt loops of your jeans to work them down. You held his shoulders as he pulled them off and you stepped out of them. The wetness from the snow caused them to stick to your legs a little. Jake grabbed the backs of your legs and ran his hands up and down them. He planted more kisses to each of your thighs with an “I love you,” before each one. 

As he played with the waistband of your underwear you sucked in a breath. You felt his hands shaking and his breathing becoming uneven. You could practically hear your own heart beating out of your chest.

You and Jake had done things like this before. You had taken each other’s clothes off before. He had seen you like this before. You had seen him like this before. But this time it was different. This wasn’t teenage eagerness driven by hormones. It wasn’t rushed and needy. This was slow and intimate. This was out of love. 

He looked back up at you, his eyes silently asked for permission. You put your hands over his and guided him as he put his thumbs through the waistband and pulled them down off you. You stepped out of them and he gathered them from the floor and threw them onto the pile of clothes. You placed your hands on the sides of his head as he kissed your hip bones softly.

“I love you,” he whispered again before and after each kiss. His hot breath on you sent shivers up and down your body. 

He started working his way back up leaving wet kisses all over your stomach, your chest, and your neck, and back to your lips. He pulled down his boxers and stepped out of them as he rose to his feet. His face was an inch away from yours when he breathed you in and connected his lips to yours. His tongue teased your bottom lip and slid against yours. After a minute or so, you pulled away from him and both of you started laughing, realizing you were standing in the middle of his laundry room, cold and naked. 

He reached for the dry clothes and you both put them on yourselves. When you were both fully clothed, he pulled you in close to hug you. You rested your chin on his shoulder and breathed in his scent. 

“I love every part of you,” he said just above a whisper. 

He turned his head and kissed your cheek hard. You leaned back, grabbed his hands, and pulled them in front of him. His eyes were calm and soft. He looked completely at peace. 

“You love me back, right?” he asked as a small smile formed on his lips.

“Forever,” you whispered. 

Jake smiled and kissed your forehead. He broke away from you and picked up the pile of clothes and tossed them into the dryer. Jake pressed the ON button before leaving the small room.

The Next Morning

It was pitch black in the basement when you felt Jake move next to you. Both of you were half asleep when Jake spoke.

“Mmm,” he groaned, “I have to go back upstairs,” he said as he adjusted his position.

“Stay five more minutes,” you whispered as you rubbed your hand under his shirt and up to his chest.

“I will. What time is it?” he asked in a tired voice. 

You reached over him and picked up his phone that was lying next to him. It had to be close to midnight. The two of you fell asleep pretty early. The bright light of the screen made you squint your eyes but they grew wide when you read 8:34 AM.

“8:34?” you said, confused.

“What?” Jake asked in a groggy voice, making sure he heard you correctly. 

You held the phone up to him so he could see for himself. He sat up and rubbed his eyes as he looked around, trying to see in the darkness of the basement. The only light came from the staircase leading up to the kitchen. Jake leaned over to peer up the stairs.

“Shh, the doors still open,” he whispered.

“Can you go up and sneak into your bed? Pretend you were there all night? You think your parents will know?”

“I can’t,” he shook his head and sighed, “They’re awake. I can smell coffee.” 

Jake bit the inside of his cheek and looked down at you. He was trying to think of a plan. But he was also hoping you’d have one.

“Okay, if I can be quiet enough, it’s worth a shot, right? If anything, I’ll just say I came to see if you were awake, right?”

You gave him a worried look and shrugged your shoulders.

Jake pulled the blanket off him and scooted off the mattress. You sat up on your elbow and watched him nervously. He started walking slowly towards the stairs, trying to avoid his feet making any noise on the floor.

He didn’t even make it to the first step when you heard “I’m not stupid, Jacob,” coming from Kelly on the main floor.

Jake looked at you in defeat and mouthed the word “Fuck.”

“Just be ready to get out there and shovel by 9!”

“Hahaha! Busted!” you heard Sam laugh from upstairs.

Jake rolled his eyes and walked back over to you. He crawled back under the covers and laid himself on top of you, nuzzling his face into the crook of your neck and wrapping his arms around you. One of your hands held the back of his head and the other rubbed between his shoulder blades. He draped his leg over yours and the heat of his body on top of you warmed you up instantly. 

“So, five more minutes, right?” he asked as you felt him smile into you and you heard the basement door close shut from the top of the steps. 

February 2014:

You and Jake were on the couch in his garage. He had a space heater running close by and the garage door was locked. You had a lot of time to kill before the guys showed up for band practice. Sam and Danny were still at school and Josh had rehearsals for the school musical. And with you and Jake, what was the best way to kill time? Make out. 

Things heated up quicker than usual but things were still comfortable until you found yourselves one step away from going all the way. 

Both of your clothes were on the floor and Jake was on top of you with his lips planting wet, open mouthed kisses to your neck when it hit you.

“Jake, stop,” you said suddenly, causing him to pull his mouth off you and move his eyes to meet yours. 

He saw the worried look in your eyes instantly. 

“You okay?” he asked as he lifted himself off of you. 

You shook your head and he sat back on the opposite side of the couch. 

Tears started forming in your eyes as you sat up. “I don’t want to do this. I’m not ready.” 

Jake reached down to the floor and grabbed your clothes and held them out to you. You took them and put them on as he gathered the rest of the clothes off the floor and got himself dressed. 

When you looked him in the eyes you couldn’t hold back your tears anymore.

“Hey,” he said softly, “Shh, come here.”

He opened his arms up to you and you rested your head on his chest as he held you in a tight hug. He rested his chin on your head and rubbed his hands up and down your back softly, trying to calm you. He had a tight hold on you and he rocked you back and forth slowly.

“I’m sorry,” you whispered softly into his chest as your tears fell onto his shirt, leaving dark spots on the faded red fabric. 

He broke away from you and you sat up but you kept your head looking down. He held onto your face with both hands and lifted your head up, looking deep into your eyes. His eyebrow furrowed slightly and you could tell he was concentrating on reading your emotions.

“You don’t have to be sorry. It’s a big deal, I get it,” he said quietly, using his thumb to wipe the tears off your cheeks. 

You grabbed his hands and lowered them to your lap. You looked down and played with his fingers as you spoke.

“But I know you want to do it. Let’s just end it now and you can go do it with anyone you want,” you said. 

You stopped playing with his fingers after you said it. You were waiting for him to pull his hands away from you and break up with you then and there. 

But he didn’t. He put his hands on top of yours and held them still.

You looked up at him and your eyes met his. They were filled with sadness and confusion. 

“Okay, yeah I want to do it. But I want to do it with you. When you want to. When you’re ready.” 

You looked back down in defeat and embarrassment. 

Jake let go of your hands and sat back on the couch, facing straight ahead. He turned his head to look at you. He rested his hand on your knee and rubbed it back and forth. 

“Can I ask you something? And you don’t have to answer,” he began.

You looked at him and nodded slightly, silently giving him permission to ask what was on his mind.

“Why don’t you want to?”

You sighed and closed your eyes for a second. He deserved to know. He was too good to you about everything related to this topic. He always asked for permission before he tried anything or before he touched you. He always stopped when you asked him to. And he never pushed you to do anything. He deserved an explanation. 

“I’m just… scared I guess. Scared it’s gonna hurt. Scared I won’t be good at it. And, and scared you’re not gonna love me after.” 

Jake’s shoulders dropped and he shook his head slowly like he couldn’t believe what you just said. He turned to face you, grabbed your hands, and placed them in his lap. 

“Look, I can’t make any promises about the first one. And who knows about the second one. But I can promise you that I will never stop loving you. No matter what.”

He looked right into your eyes the whole time he spoke. He was serious. The most serious you’ve ever seen him. You knew he meant what he said. And he did. He never stopped loving you. 

Jake got up from the couch, sat with his legs criss crossed on the floor, and pulled his acoustic guitar onto his lap. He flashed that sweet smile at you from across the room.

“Now get over here. I have more I want to teach you.”

March 2014:

It was the first weekend of the month and the only weekend where Jake wasn’t playing a show. It was also the first weekend your parents actually allowed you to stay at the Kiszka’s house overnight, instead of it being an accident. 

Karen and Kelly went to a wedding out of state so it was just the four Kiszka siblings and you. No basement this time. Jake’s parents figured keeping the two of you apart didn’t work in the past so they might as well let you both sleep in Jake’s bed. As for your parents, what they didn’t know wouldn’t kill them. Regardless, it was certain nothing would happen with Josh and Sam in the room.

You laid on the couch in the living room, cuddled into Jake when the ending credits of the movie the five of you just finished started rolling. It was almost midnight and the majority of you were ready for bed. 

Josh sighed and got up off the floor, “You guys wanna have some fun?” he asked, looking around at everyone.

“What kind of fun?” Jake asked in a cautious voice as he adjusted his position on the couch. Josh’s idea of “fun” sometimes went to the extreme.

An evil smile crept on Josh’s face as he started to walk out of the living room, “Follow me.”

Josh led the four of you into the boys’ room and instructed you to sit in a circle on the floor. 

You and Jake leaned against his bed and Josh leaned against his. Sam and Ronnie sat on either side to complete the circle. Jake put his hand on your knee and you rested your hand on top of his, rubbing his hand with your thumb. You were all a little apprehensive as to what Josh had in mind- you never knew what to expect with him. 

Josh dove under his bed and reached around a little, finally pulling out a bottle of Smirnoff Vodka from a brown paper bag. 

Jake made a point that you all couldn’t just sit there and just drink it- there had to be something else to it. He and Josh got the idea of Never Have I Ever. You explained the basics of the game to Sam and Ronnie. The rules were simple. If you did it, you drank. 

Josh placed the bottle in the middle of the circle and rubbed his hands together as he began.

“Never have I ever crashed Mom’s car,” he said giggling. 

“No way! That’s not fair! You can’t single people out like that!” Jake protested, sitting up a bit and extending his arm out, pointing at Josh.  

Josh handed him the bottle, “You did it. You drink.”

Jake rolled his eyes and reached for the bottle, twisted the cap off, and put the bottle to his lips. His head flew back as he took a swig.

He pulled his mouth off the bottle and winced as he swallowed. “That shits terrible,” he laughed, placing the bottle down on the floor, in the middle of the circle. 

The game continued as each of you took turns. Josh got the biggest kick out of “Never have I ever used a hair straightener” and he sat there with the biggest smile on his face as the rest of you passed the bottle around and took your shots; that one in particular making Sam gag a little as he swallowed. 

The five of you started to feel the effects of the liquor soon after, causing the questions to get more secretive and dirtier, and causing you all to get more giggly than ever. The four of them started targeting each other and making scenarios specific in order to get the other people to drink. Jake took shots for you when you didn’t want to or felt like you couldn’t, causing him to get a little tipsier than you.

The alcohol also caused Jake to get more cuddly and touchy. He started running his hands up and down your thigh and snaking his hands under your shirt; pulling you in close to him and rubbing his thumbs lightly on the skin of your stomach. He was just subtle enough to not catch his siblings’ attention, even though you swear you saw Josh’s eyes wandering. 

It was Jake’s turn and he looked at Josh and smirked before continuing. Josh returned the same face to him. They knew what the other one was thinking, without saying anything.

“Never have I ever… gotten a boner watching Camp Rock,” Jake said, smiling smugly across the circle at Sam.

The four of you held in your laughs as you watched Sam’s face drop and turn bright red.

“What the fuck, Jake?” Sam shouted in defense.

“Care to explain, Samuel?” Ronnie giggled.

“Okay first of all, it was Camp Rock 2!” Sam protested, “And second of all- that’s not fai-“

Jake interrupted him, “It is fair! You just thought we didn’t know. We knew. Now, come on, take the shot!”

Sam rolled his eyes and brought the bottle to his mouth. Before he connected his lips, he stopped and smiled, “What if we make this more interesting?”

He placed the bottle back on the floor in front of him and pointed at it. 

“I bet you I can chug a large portion of what’s left of this shit. If I do it, you each owe me $5.” 

The four of you looked at Sam, confused and shocked at the same time. He seemed to be on the verge of death every time he had to drink tonight. There’s no way in hell he could pull off chugging straight from the bottle. 

“You can’t,” Josh laughed.

“Yeah, there’s no fucking way!” Ronnie added.

Jake got up and grabbed the garbage can by the door and placed it next to Sam, just in case. The four of you sat as Sam’s audience, waiting for him to begin. 

“Are you gonna do it or what?” Jake asked.

“Let me see the money first,” Sam stated. 

Jake and Josh both crawled up to their beds and pulled out money from boxes on their shelves. Josh put $5 in front of Sam and Jake put $10 to cover both of you. Ronnie went to her room and came back with 5 singles. All of it was placed nearly in front of Sam and he smiled at it.

He picked up the bottle and raised it in the air, “To Camp Rock 2 and the start of my manhood,” he declared.

Sam brought the bottle to his lips, tilted his head back, closed his eyes, and chugged.

The four of you sat there, in complete shock as Sam continued gulping down the contents of the bottle.

After some time, he popped it off his mouth, and winced as the last gulp traveled down his throat. Sam shook his head and opened his eyes to look at you all with a huge smile on his face.

The room erupted in chaos. Josh jumped on Sam and shook him around. Jake stood up and began screaming and cheering for him. You and Ronnie both fell back on your backs, laughing uncontrollably and holding onto each other for support as the room spun around you. 

The five of you got even drunker as the game continued on. You all made an unspoken promise to go easy on Sam, who was definitely feeling the effects of his little stunt. 

You learned a lot about the Kiszka siblings that night.

Sam sucked his thumb until he was ten.

Jake and Josh broke their mom’s favorite glass vase and hid it ever since.

Ronnie and Josh both had their first kisses when they were fifteen.

Jake was fourteen. Sam hadn’t kissed anyone yet. 

Sam cheated on math tests.

Jake and Josh accidently told Sam that Santa wasn’t real when he was nine and Sam cried.

Jake ate ants on a dare when he was twelve. 

Josh “borrowed” from Jake’s money stash to buy weed.

Sam had a crush on his third grade teacher. 

Jake slept with his baby blanket until he was eight.

They all fed their childhood dog vegetables under the table at dinner.

With about one shot left in the bottle and Sam significantly drunker than the rest of you, the game came to a close. Jake held out the bottle to Josh and said, “Never have I ever had sex.” 

Josh took the bottle from his hands and finished it off. 

“Okay, I didn’t need to know that. I’m going to bed,” Ronnie said as she got up and stumbled out of the room. 

“You won’t remember tomorrow anyway, Ron,” Josh replied as he climbed into his bed.

Sam crawled over to his bed and started to climb onto it slowly. He stumbled up to it, missing steps and teetering over as he got on. Jake stood up and tucked Sam into bed. He placed the garbage can next to him and rubbed his head. 

“Sleep it off, Sammy,” he said before turning back to you. 

Jake walked back over to you and held his hand out to you. He pulled you to your feet and led you out of the room. The two of you giggled as you stumbled down the hallway and into the dimly lit kitchen.

Jake grabbed a bunch of water bottles out of the refrigerator and handed one to you. 

“Be right back,” he whispered. 

While Jake was giving water to his siblings, you chugged the bottle he gave you. After a minute. you heard footsteps behind you and before you knew it, Jake’s hands were under your shirt, hugging you from behind. 

“Mmm gimme a kish,” he mumbled into your ear. 

You turned your body around to face him. His hands rested on your butt and you pulled him in by the waistband of his pajama pants. You kissed him sloppily, tasting the vodka on his lips and tongue. 

You had never been this drunk before. In fact, you had never been drunk, period. But, even though you were drunk, with Jake, you felt safe and comfortable. Even though the alcohol caused your vision to go blurry and your words to slur a bit, you knew you were in good hands with him. He was just as drunk as you were anyway. But regardless, you knew he wouldn’t do anything or try anything that would make you uncomfortable. And if anything were to go wrong or get messy, he would be there for you.

When you closed your eyes, you felt the dizziness hit you. You pushed him back against the counter and leaned your body weight onto him to keep your balance.

His lips on yours felt different than they ever had. They were wet and warm; and his kisses had an undertone of lust.

Everything seemed to move in slow motion. You concentrated harder on kissing him. You tangled your hands through his hair and pulled at it as he deepened the kiss. 

Your hands traveled down to his pants and you teased the front of him with your fingertips. Jake hummed into the kisses and put his hand on top of yours, moving it to hit the spot he wanted. 

He broke away from your lips and tilted his head back. “Fuck,” he whispered, dragging out the word. His eyes rolled back and he brought his head back up. He blinked a few times and brought himself back to reality. He took a deep breath in and moved your hand off him. 

“We can’t do this right now, we’re fucked up,” he said slowly as his words slurred over each other ever so slightly. He moved your hand to rest on his chest.

“Mmm, you’re no fun,” you joked with your words also coming out a bit sloppily. You kissed him on the side of the mouth and he smiled a bit. 

With Jake still squeezed in between you and the counter, you reached behind him to grab a piece of cold, leftover pizza from the box sitting on the counter. He opened his mouth and you giggled as you held it out to him. He took a bite and chewed it with his mouth open, fully smiling at you as his jaw moved up and down. You alternated taking a bite of your own and letting him get a bite. You both giggled as you ate, trying not to wake up his siblings. And trying to be quiet, of course, only made you laugh harder. 

When you finished the pizza, Jake flicked the kitchen light off and you both went back into his bedroom. It was pitch black and the two of you laughed and shushed each other as you tried to find his bed in the darkness. 

When you found it, you hopped in and pulled him in. You both laughed as he fell on top of you. Jake dipped his head down to kiss you gently and settled next to you, pulling the covers up over your heads. 

He leaned over you and planted little kisses on your face and neck. You giggled as he continued and finally you broke away from him and kissed the tip of his nose. He returned a kiss to your forehead and lifted the blanket up off your heads. 

You felt yourself sober up as the cool breeze hit you and as you laid there with him for a bit. Your legs tangled together and he held you close to him as the two of you closed your eyes and gave each other little kisses now and then. 

You didn’t feel that dizzy feeling anymore, just a little lingering buzz.

The sounds of Josh lightly snoring began coming from the other side of the room and from farther away you heard hums and mumbles from Sam as he talked in his sleep.

“How do you sleep with them making all that noise?” you giggled. 

“Used to it I guess. Just like I’m used to you hitting me in your sleep,” Jake teased. 

“I do that?”

Jake laughed, “Yeah, but it’s fine. I don’t mind.”

“Good. You deserve it because you snore way louder than Josh,” you retorted back to him playfully as you gave him a peck on the lips, and rolled over. 

You pressed your back into his chest and grabbed his hand, pulling it on top of you. You felt your eyelids get heavy and the last thing you remember is Jake kissing the back of your head and saying “G’night, Baby.”

Thanks to the alcohol, you slept like a rock that night. The next morning, you woke up to the sounds of Sam groaning and gagging into the garbage can. 

You and Jake both sat up simultaneously when you realized what was happening, a slight headache hit you as you got up and opened your eyes fully to the bright morning light.

“Hey, you okay, Sammy?” Jake asked, climbing out of bed and going over to him.

“I should’ve asked for more money. $20 wasn’t worth it,” Sam groaned with his voice muffled by the garbage can surrounding his head.  

~~~~~

It was the Monday after Jake’s show you attended at the bar. Jake wasn't in school and didn't answer his phone all day. You saw Josh at lunch and asked him where Jake was. He told you Jake was sick and stayed home for the day.

After school, Josh took you to their house and brought you to the boys room to see Jake. When you walked in, you saw Jake in bed, fast asleep. 

The floor by his bed was littered with used tissues and empty water bottles. He had a box of cold medicine, a jar of vapor rub, and half empty box of tissues on the nightstand. A half dranken bottle of Gatorade was sitting in his bed next to him. 

“Let me know when you want me to take you back home,” Josh said, closing the door behind him as he left the room. 

Jake was cuddled up in blankets and you sat down on the edge of his bed. His cheeks were rosy, his mouth was open just a bit, and his lips were dry from breathing through his mouth. You wiped his hair out of his face and slowly he woke up.

He was confused at first, in a post nap haze, until he realized what was going on. 

“What are you doing here?” he asked in a tired voice. His voice was nasally and hoarse.

“I missed you today. Josh said you were sick. I wanted to make sure you were okay. What’s wrong?” you said as you stroked the hair on his head back.

He rubbed his face and sighed groggily. He involuntarily let out a small cough as he sighed.

“I’ve had a headache all day, my throat hurts when I swallow, I keep coughing, and I can’t breathe through my nose. My mom said it’s probably from being in the rain on Saturday,”

He was being a giant baby. Zero pain tolerance. But you had to admit- he looked absolutely adorable all cuddled up in bed.

“Poor baby,” you said, half serious, half joking.

He smiled a little as he realized how dramatic he was being. Not to mention you being there made him smile too. 

You leaned down to give his cheek a kiss and he pulled back a little. 

“Don’t. I don’t want to get you sick,” he said.

“Jake, my tongue was down your throat two days ago and I was in the rain with you. I’m pretty sure whatever you have, will be mine tomorrow,” you said, as you lifted up his covers and crawled into bed next to him. 

You held him from behind and gave his shoulders little kisses. Through his shirt you could smell vapor rub on his back and you could only imagine how annoyed he was at his mom for rubbing it on for him. 

“Just relax, Baby,” you whispered. 

After a few minutes of silence, Jake spoke quietly.

“You know what would probably make me feel better?” he mumbled with his face half smushed into his pillow.

“What?” you asked. 

“Can I touch your boobs?” 

You let out a laugh through your nose at his request.

“Fine,” you laughed.

Jake turned his body around in bed. This time, he held you from behind. His hand snuck up under your shirt and bra and rested on your chest, rubbing his thumb on your skin.

“Feel better?” you asked sarcastically.

“Mhmm,” he said into your neck, smiling, “They got bigger.”

You smiled, rolled your eyes, and placed your hand on top of his. 

Within minutes, Jake’s hand was still and he was fast asleep.

April 2014:

“You’re absolutely disgusting,” you laughed, crawling off him and extending your hand to lift him to his feet. 

Before fully leaving the wooded area, you stopped him. 

“What if,” you began, “I gave you an early birthday present?”

You ran your index finger down his chest over his hoodie. A small smile formed on his face and his tongue traced over his bottom lip as he looked at you. His eyes squinted and scanned your face, trying to decipher what you meant. He was trying to read your mind but he couldn’t. He had no idea what you were about to do or say. 

You walked him over to the rock and he pushed his back against it.  

“You said this is a spot for firsts right?” you asked as you placed soft kisses to his cheek and jawline. 

“Yeah…” he said hesitantly.

You continued kissing his jawline and lowered your lips down his neck. You broke away and gave him a soft kiss on his lips before kneeling down in front of him. You felt the coolness of the ground on your knees and leaves left over from autumn crunched underneath them. 

You looked up at him and bit your lip as you smiled. 

Jake’s mouth opened and he started breathing heavily when he realized what your intentions were. You reached for his belt buckle and started undoing it. 

His chest moved as he breathed in deep before he spoke. “Here? Now? Fuck, Baby.” 

The two of you had talked about this before. It was only a matter of time before it happened. Jake had always wanted it and left it up to you to make the move for it. And at that moment, it was the perfect time, and the perfect place. You were surrounded by the privacy of the overgrown woods and you were far enough away from his house that you couldn’t be heard. 

“Mhmm, first times, right?” you said as you undid the buttons of his pants and pulled them down.

He nodded quickly and swallowed hard. As he did, his Adam’s apple bobbed up and down. His whole body tensed up, he tilted his head back, and his hands tangled themselves in your hair as you got to work on him.

When you were done, Jake brought you to your feet, pulled up his pants, and fastened his belt. He wiped your face with his palm before kissing you softly. 

“I guess that beats first kiss, doesn’t it?” he said, smiling. He had little pink and red patches on his cheeks and neck that faded as he caught his breath. 

“It better!” you laughed. 

He let out a laugh from his nose and said, “Come on, we’ve been gone too long. My parents are going to get suspicious.”

Together you walked back to civilization, with him leading the way.

May 2014:

You crawled over him, got out of bed, and started walking out of the room. When you got to the door, you turned around and looked at him.

“You coming or what?” You giggled. 

Jake jumped out of bed to follow you to the bathroom. You’ve never seen him move faster.

Jake caught up to you in the doorway and hugged you from behind. His arms wrapped around your waist and snuck around your stomach, squeezing you against his body. You giggled as the two of you walked down the hallway and into the bathroom. 

You brushed your teeth and Jake left the bathroom with a toothbrush in his mouth. He returned with fresh towels in his hands and placed them on the counter.

Jake shut the door behind him and rinsed out his mouth before pulling you close to him again. He started sprinkling your face with little kisses playfully, smiling in between each one. 

He broke away from you with one last dramatic “Mwah,” to your cheek and leaned into the shower to turn the water on. 

The steam from the water began to fill up the bathroom, causing fog to appear on the mirrors and window.

“Can I take this off?” Jake asked, his hands sliding along the hem of the tshirt you were wearing.

You nodded and lifted your hands up over your head as he pulled the shirt off you. He tossed it over by the door and pulled you close to him. You wrapped your arms around this neck and he held both hands behind your back. His eyes traveled down from your eyes to your chest as he fought back a smile. 

“Jake?” you asked, almost in a whisper. 

“Yeah?” he asked, bringing his eyes back to meet yours. 

“You know I love it when you ask before you do stuff. But, you really don’t have to anymore.” 

He looked into your eyes and nodded slowly. You could see him trying to make sense of what you just said in his head. 

“Okay. But just promise you’ll tell me if-”

“I will.” you interrupted, already knowing what the second half of his sentence was. 

You closed the gap between the two of you and pulled him in for a kiss. You tasted the mint in his mouth as you slid your tongue across his bottom lip. As the two of you continued, you felt a little bit more of Jake against your thigh. 

You broke away from his lips, looked down at the obvious situation in his boxers, and giggled. 

“I’m sorry, I can’t help it,” he laughed as his cheeks turned a shade of pink. He was definitely a little embarrassed but the cute smile on his face still made you melt. 

“I could take care of it for you if you want?” you suggested, teasing your hand dangerously close to where he wanted you the most.

“Yes,” he breathed out, “Please.”

You backed him up against the door and his body hit it with a light thud. The steam from the shower fogged up the entire room and as you pulled away from Jake’s face, clouds of water vapor separated the two of you. 

You took care of Jake and when that was done, he led you to the shower and slid open the shower door for you.

“Ladies first,” he said as you stepped in. 

He followed behind and slid the glass door closed. You got under the hot running water and let it relax your muscles for a moment before the two of you switched places. He let the water fall on his head, getting it all wet. He shook it out like a dog and droplets flew everywhere. You giggled and flinched as the water got in your face. 

He extended his hand out to the shelf in the shower and grabbed a bottle of face wash. You cupped your hand for him and he put a few pumps in them. You rubbed your hands together until they were sudsy and reached out for his face. He closed his eyes and scrunched up his nose as your hands massaged the soap into his cheeks. You pushed his hair back off his forehead, and rubbed your hands over his entire face. His facial muscles relaxed as you continued. With his eyes still closed, you turned him around to rinse it off and then gave yourself a few more pumps to wash your own face with. 

He stepped behind you and squeezed some shampoo in his hands. You stepped under the stream of water.

“Tip your head back for me,” he said as he rubbed the shampoo in his hands together. 

You did as he said and let the water run over your face, washing the cleanser off as you felt Jake’s fingertips massage shampoo into your scalp. 

You hummed and he let out a satisfied chuckle. 

“Feels good?” he asked as his fingers moved in little circles and worked their way to the base of your head. 

“Mhmm,” you hummed in response as he put more pressure on your scalp. 

“Good,” he said softly. “Just close your eyes and relax, Baby.”

His fingers dug into your scalp, scratching and massaging it perfectly. It felt amazing.

After a bit of time, he grabbed your shoulders and turned you around so you were facing him. He lifted your chin to tilt your head back as the water rinsed the shampoo out of your hair. Jake ran his fingers through your hair to make sure it was all out and when it was, you opened your eyes to meet his for the first time. 

The two of you stood there for a moment just staring at each other in silence- the only sound was the running water coming from the shower head above. You silently admired each other. You admired how you both took care of each other in different intimate ways. You each knew how to make the other feel good. You didn’t know it then, but you were both teaching each other and learning how to love. 

He squeezed shampoo into his hands again and rubbed it through his hair quickly. You switched places with him so he could rinse it out. 

He tilted his head back and opened his mouth, letting it fill up with water. He looked at you with water filled cheeks and the tiniest smile on his closed lips. Without warning, he opened his lips slightly and released the water out to you like a fountain.

 The warm water from his mouth hit your chest and you laughed out the word “Ew!” 

You snuck behind him, faced the shower head, and filled your mouth with the hot water. You turned to him with your mouth full of water. He turned his face to the side and closed one eye, anticipating what was going to come next. 

“I deserve it, go ahead,” he laughed as you spit out a stream of water onto his cheek.

He laughed and rinsed it off. He moved in toward you and grabbed you behind the back. He gave you a gentle but wet kiss on the lips. 

You grabbed a bottle of conditioner from the shelf and held it out for him. He raised his eyebrows at you. 

“Seriously?” he asked.

“You like your hair long don’t you?” you questioned.

He laughed and replied with a cautious “Yeah,”

“Then turn around,” you commanded. 

He turned around and you squirted a little bit of conditioner into your hands and rubbed it into the ends of his hair. You grabbed his shoulders and turned him around and out of the stream of the running water as you combed conditioner through your own hair. 

“Leave it in for a little bit,” you instructed him and he nodded. 

He grabbed two bottles of body wash from the shelf and held them up for you. 

“I’m going to assume you’d rather use my sister’s,” he laughed, handing you a pink bottle while he kept a black one for himself.

He picked up one of the fresh washcloths from the edge of the shower and got it wet. He held it out and you squeezed the pink soap onto it. He rubbed the washcloth around in his hand until it had suds and he brought it to your neck. 

He rubbed your neck and shoulders with it and the smell of strawberries filled the shower. He ran the washcloth down your chest and to your stomach, rubbing in circles and massaging all the right parts. He moved the washcloth to your lower back and you turned around for him. He moved your hair to one side of your shoulder and swiped the washcloth over your back a few times. He moved you under the running water, allowing you to rinse the conditioner out of your hair and the soap off your body.

You reached down next to him to pick up the second washcloth and ran it under the water. He squeezed the black bottle and green gel came out onto the washcloth. You rubbed the washcloth around in your hand until it was nice and bubbly. You then rubbed his chest and neck with it. The drips of bubbles trailed down his stomach and over the bumps of his ab muscles. You used your free hand to rub along his stomach and you felt his muscles tighten with your touch. He turned around and you got his back and behind his ears. 

You pulled him under the stream of water and let the conditioner and body wash run off of him. You wrapped your hands around his stomach and pressed your chest to his back, taking in the manly scent of the body wash on him and hugging him from behind. Just letting the water run in between you as you breathed in his scent. 

The two of you swapped washcloths and got the other parts of your own bodies until you were both completely clean. 

You rinsed and rung out the washcloths and Jake reached behind you to turn off the water. He slid the shower door open and stepped out first. He grabbed a towel from the counter and held it open for you. You walked over to him and he wrapped you in the towel, rubbing up and down your arms to warm you up. He opened the second towel and wrapped it around his waist. 

You dried yourselves off and changed into your clothes in his room. You towel dried your hair and threw the towels into the hamper by the closet. 

“You hungry? I’ll make you chocolate chip pancakes,” he offered as he threw a shirt over his head of damp hair.

“Is this your way of thanking me for getting you off in the bathroom?” you teased. 

“It’s part of it. Just wait until after breakfast,” he smiled, wiggled his eyebrows at you, and gave you a quick kiss on the cheek as he walked out of the room and down the hallway towards the kitchen. 

~~~~~

School was out for a four day weekend. Jake had saved up just enough money to take you on a getaway of your own. It wasn’t far and it wasn’t fancy, but it was you and Jake.

He booked three days at the Bavarian Inn in the main part of town. 

The two of you spent every second of the stay together, uninterrupted.

It was something you both had always wanted. You had a king sized bed, privacy, and room service. For two eighteen year olds, that was all you needed.

The trip gave you opportunities to learn more about yourselves and each other.

You learned more about each others’ bodies and what each of you liked and didn’t like.

You learned that you hated when he left the cap off the toothpaste and when he peed with the bathroom door open.

He learned that he hated how your makeup and hair products took up half the bathroom counter and how you didn’t turn the bathroom fan on while you showered.

But you loved every second of it. You loved putting the toothpaste cap back on and closing the bathroom door while he stood there in front of the toilet, smiling at you like an idiot.

He loved pushing your makeup off to the side so he could sit on the counter of a steamy bathroom and talk to you while you blew dry your hair.

You both loved the quiet. The privacy. The ability to say and do whatever you wanted together. The bed. The space. The fact that there were no siblings, no parents, and no needing to go home in a few hours. 

It gave you a taste of adulthood. A taste both of you liked a lot.

You laid in bed on the last morning of your stay, playing with each other's fingers and enjoying the quiet morning when you spoke.

“Do you think that one day, we could do this?” You asked.

“Do what?”

“You know, like, live together? Get an apartment or something, just us? Be able to do this every day?” 

“Yeah, we could, couldn’t we?” he said as he envisioned the future and realized that it was a realistic possibility. 

Jake needed that. He needed the thought of something realistic for his future. He’d been dreaming for too long.

June 2014:

Josh arrived back home around midnight that night. When Josh got back home, Jake was sitting on the couch in the basement, his elbows on his knees, and his head hanging low with his hands in his hair.

Josh walked slowly down the stairs, making just enough noise for Jake to know someone was there. 

“Go away,” Jake said, not even bothering to look up at who it was. 

“You really want me to go away? Because I’m pretty sure I’m all you have right now.” Josh spoke harshly. 

Jake looked up at him with red, swollen eyes and then looked back down. 

“Sam said you threw up,” Josh said timidly. He approached the couch as if Jake was a wild animal who Josh was trying to get to take food out of his hands.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Jake replied bluntly.

“You don’t have to. But when you do want to talk about it- I’m here,” Josh replied as he walked over to Jake and sat next to him on the couch.

The couch dipped down next to Jake as Josh took a seat. Josh waited there for Jake to crack. He knew his brother. He knew it was coming. He knew he was being stubborn and holding it in. Josh was tired and what he wanted more than anything was to go to bed. But he knew Jake was going to need him. The two of them sat there in silence for the better part of an hour until finally, Jake let it all go. 

All Josh could do was grab him and hold him close as Jake cried on his shoulder. The shoulder that the scent of you lingered on since you did the same thing when Josh took you home. Jake smelled it and the memories of you hit him, causing more tears and the holding back of gags. When Jake opened his eyes and saw your black mascara smudged on Josh’s shirt, he cried harder realizing how much he hurt you. 

After the worst of it was over, Josh pulled back from him and helped him catch his breath and breathe deeply. Josh calmed him down considerably and helped him get it all out. 

Josh sat in the basement with Jake for hours while he told him everything. Everything.

At that point, Josh knew it all. He knew about the big moments as well as the little ones. He knew about all the highs and lows. He knew about all the feelings of love as well as heartbreak. He knew secrets that you and Jake kept between each other. Josh planned to hold onto these secrets for years, thinking he would take them all to the grave. 

By the time Jake got it all out, it was almost 4 in the morning. Josh got up off the couch and reached his hand out to Jake. 

“Come on, get up. Let’s go to bed.”

“I can’t.”

“What do you mean you can’t?” 

“Everything in that room reminds me of her. My sheets smell like her. Her clothes are in the drawers. Her pictures are on the walls. I, I tried already- I can’t go in there. I can’t even close my fucking eyes without seeing her face. My head just keeps replaying what I said to her. I can’t believe I fucking said that to her.”

“Honestly,” Josh began, “I can’t believe you said that either.”

Jake titled his head back and stared at the ceiling. He bit his lip and shook his head, still in disbelief of the events of the night as his mind, once again, replayed the conversation he had in his bedroom with you, wishing he could turn back time.

Josh told Jake he’d be right back, went upstairs, took the blanket and pillow off his own bed, and brought them downstairs to Jake.

“Just try to sleep. And let me know if you need anything, okay? Love you.” Josh said as he handed Jake a bottle of water and made him drink some of it. 

Jake didn’t reply but Josh didn’t expect him to. Josh started walking up the stairs but stopped when he heard Jake call to him.

“Josh?”

“Yeah?”

“Can you just, can you make sure she’s okay for me? Please?” Jake asked, his voice cracked as he struggled to even get the words out. 

Josh nodded, “I will.”

“Thanks,” Jake paused. “For everything. Love you too.”

Josh gave him a soft smile, continued up the stairs, and flicked off the basement light.

When Josh got into his room, he grabbed the blankets off of Jake’s bed and laid down on his own bed. He was surprised when he heard a whisper coming from Sam’s side of the room.

“Hey,” Sam asked quietly, “Are they okay?” 

“Only time will tell,” Josh said before closing his eyes and finally getting to fall asleep. 

Jake didn’t sleep at all that night. He stayed awake for almost 3 days straight. When he did sleep, it was only short periods of time and all he saw and dreamt about was you. 

Jake slept downstairs for the next week. When Jake finally returned to sleep in his bed, Josh pretended that he didn’t hear Jake crying every night.

December 2013:

It was December 27, the day after the accidental Christmas sleepover situation. Jake and Josh were in their bedroom. Josh laid in his bed with headphones in, half asleep and listening to music. Jake laid on his bed, on his phone when Sam walked in slowly.

“Hey Jake?” Sam asked, leaning against the door frame to their bedroom.

“Yeah?” Jake replied casually, not looking up from his phone.

“Remember what I, what I, uh, asked you last night?” Sam said shyly. 

Jake raised his head to look up at his little brother. Sam was looking at his feet, too embarrassed to even look at Jake. 

“No, what did you ask?” Jake answered with a small smile forming on his face. He was playing dumb and they both knew it. 

“Don’t make me say it,”

“Sam, I don’t know what you asked me last night,” 

“Jake…”

“Sammy…”

“I asked you, how to, you know,”

Jake’s smile lit up his whole face and the light from his phone screen casted shadows over his eyes, making him look a little evil. He had been waiting for this moment to happen. He loved seeing Sam, who always had smart remarks, vulnerable and in need of advice on a topic that he didn’t know anything about. 

“How to what?” he asked. 

“How to,” Sam began and then his voice trailed off and he got quieter, “kiss a girl.”

Jake let out a laugh and sat up in bed. “Sit down, let’s talk.”

Sam sat on the edge of Jake’s bed and Jake began. 

“So, for starters, when you like a girl, you’re going to get this feeling. I can’t really describe it, and it’ll hit you out of nowhere. It’s like, every time you look at her, or even think about her, you’ll feel something inside you kind of light up. She’ll make you feel like you’re alive, more alive than you’ve ever felt before.”

Sam bit his lip and furrowed his eyebrows, “And you feel that with her?” he asked.

Jake sighed, “Yeah. Every time she looks at me I feel it. Every time I hear her voice. Every time I touch her. It never gets old.”

Jake looked down and smiled to himself before continuing.

“So when that feeling comes, I don’t know you’ll just have this want. A want to feel her in a different way. A want to have her close to you. A want to… kiss her.”

“Okay. But how do you actually do it?” Sam asked.

“When you’re ready to kiss her, you’ll know. You have to be ready, though. Don’t rush it. Don’t push it. And you have to ask her. You have to ask her before you do anything. Dad told you that, right?”

Sam nodded.

“And if you get the okay from her, you just lean into her, turn your head a little, close your eyes, and then kiss her. And when your lips hit hers, something will take over. I don’t know why and I don’t know how but it just will. You’ll know what to do. And if she’s the right girl, you’ll feel that alive feeling when it happens. It’ll start in your chest and then go through your entire body. It’s adrenaline I guess. Hormones and shit.”

“Were you nervous?” 

Jake laughed, “I have never been more nervous in my entire life. But the first one is always the hardest, ya know?”

Sam nodded and let out a “Hm.” He pursed his lips and looked down, somewhat in defeat. 

“Hey,” Jake started, “It’ll happen one day. You’re young, Sam. You have your whole life ahead of you to kiss girls, or guys, or whoever you’re into.” 

Sam let out a light laugh as Jake nudged him with his arm a little. 

“You have to make me one promise though,” he said. 

“What?” Sam asked.

“You have to stop with the jokes. And the gagging noises. And the grossed out look on your face every time she’s over and you see us doing stuff. Especially now that I know you’re not completely disgusted by it.”

Sam rolled his eyes, “Fine,” he sighed.

Jake continued, “And you know you can come to me for anything, right? Even if I do tease you a little about it?”

Sam smiled, “Yeah. Thanks.”

Jake grabbed Sam’s head and messed up his hair as Sam started to get up.

“Oh, one more question,” Sam asked on his way out the door.

“Yeah?”

“What does a blowjob feel like?”

“Google it,” Jake laughed and picked up Sam’s phone that he left behind. He threw it at Sam and Sam caught it.

Sam laughed and walked out of the room, shutting the door behind him. Jake laid back down and wondered the same thing himself. 

A minute went by and Josh spoke.

“It feels good by the way.”

May 2014:

Josh came home from prom weekend late Sunday night.

Jake was in the boys’ room by himself, laying in bed, texting, and eating chips straight out of the bag when the door to the boys bedroom flung open with full force.

“Hello Jacob,” Josh said slyly, giving him a suggestive smirk.

Jake looked up from his phone and met eyes with Josh who was walking towards his own bed. Jake’s eyes followed him. Both of them knew what eachother was thinking. 

Josh knew what happened. Jake knew that Josh knew. Neither of them told each other. But they knew. 

It was almost as if it was a contest to see who would crack a full smile first. 

Jake lost the contest. 

The second Jake’s lips parted and broke out into a smile, Josh jumped onto Jake’s bed and sat on top of him.

Josh immediately began making obnoxious thrusting movements on the bed, on top of Jake. 

“Oh yeahhh, Baby,” he teased in a deep voice as the bed shook underneath him.

“Oh, Jake, yes right there! Don’t stop!” he teased again, this time in a high pitched voice. 

“Get off me you freak!” Jake laughed as he pushed Josh off him. With the push, Josh rolled off of Jake and his feet hit their bedroom floor once again.

Josh grabbed the bag of chips out of Jake’s hands and threw himself on his own bed as both their laughter faded.

He dug his hand into the bag of chips and spoke, “Feel any different?” he asked, popping a chip into his mouth.

“Kind of,” Jake admitted, “It sort of feels like I’m in on this big secret now. I can’t really explain it,” 

Josh nodded. Josh knew what he meant, having experienced this for himself too. 

“Do Mom and Dad know?” Josh asked.

“Fuck no!” Jake answered quickly, “I think Sam knows though,”

“Sam knows what?” Sam asked, entering the room and walking over to the dresser by his bed.

“Nothing. Just that we have a gig next week, that’s all,” Jake answered quickly, covering up the conversation he was just having with Josh.

“Oh, yeah. I know,” Sam answered as he opened the top drawer of the dresser.

Sam dug around in his dresser quietly. Jake and Josh looked at each other silently, and then looked back at Sam, who was clearly trying to eavesdrop.

After a few moments of silence, Josh spoke again. 

“So was it good?” he asked with his voice just above a whisper. 

Jake looked back over at Josh with a smile slowly spreading across his face. 

“Amazing.” 

Sam turned around instantly and pointed his finger at Jake. 

“Aha! You did have sex! I knew it!” Sam called out, proud of himself for coming to that conclusion but also foolishly forgetting that the door to their bedroom was open. 

“SAM SHUT THE FUCK UP!” The twins both shouted in unison.

Jake rolled his eyes and mumbled something under his breath as he got up, grabbed the bag of chips from Josh’s hands, and laid back down on his own bed. 

Josh pulled out his phone and typed out a text to Jake, trying not to catch Sam’s attention.

JOSH: By the way, you should probably tell Dad.

Jake didn’t reply. He just looked at Josh, who was looking back at him with a serious expression. Josh began typing again.

JOSH: He’s not gonna be mad. I promise. 

JOSH: Just do it now. Before Sam does.

Jake looked at the messages and then over at Josh again and sighed. He got up out of bed and walked out of the room.

“Walk of shame,” Sam said, adding a little “tsk tsk,” after. 

That night, all three boys went to sleep close to midnight. 

The late night thoughts got to each of them.

Jake felt whole. He felt good. He felt like a man now. He wasn’t a kid anymore. He was able to have mature conversations with his older brother and father now. He could understand them. They could understand him. Plus, he knew he made a good choice with how and when he did it. The wait was worth it.

Sam felt curious. Still not even having kissed anyone yet, he wondered what his brothers felt. He couldn’t even begin to know. He hadn’t even taken that first step. The hardest one- and he wasn’t even close to it yet. He wondered if he would ever get to that step.

Josh felt conflicted. He was happy for Jake. Seeing his twin brother so in love made his heart fill up. But he was jealous. He didn’t get to have what Jake had. He hadn’t experienced “love” yet. He regretted his first time. Her family moved away last year. He didn’t even know where she was now. He wanted to feel what Jake felt. Usually, he always felt how Jake felt. But for the first time in his life, he couldn’t. He could see it on Jake though and he just wondered, would he ever feel that way? Would he ever have that? Ever?

June 2014:

Jake had been living in the basement for the past three days. He hadn’t slept. He hadn’t eaten. He hadn’t showered. All he did was lay there in Josh’s blanket, watch tv with a blank stare, and cry at night. 

Kelly and Karen talked amongst themselves and came up with a plan in an attempt to get him moving a little. They figured Josh would be the best one to talk to him. He could tell him things without really telling him things. Twins. 

Josh went downstairs one afternoon and sat down next to Jake on the couch. 

“Moms washing your sheets and then me, her, and Ronnie are gonna go out for a little. Dads gonna take Sam out too. So… if you want to do anything by yourself, you could, you know?” 

Jake knew what he meant. 

Jake nodded and turned his back to Josh, covering himself with the blanket again.

Josh went back upstairs and Jake laid there and waited to hear the sounds of two cars leaving the driveway. 

After a few minutes of silence, he sat up. He listened for any noise and there was nothing. For the first time since October, he was actually completely alone. 

He stood up and looked around himself for a second before heading upstairs.

The house was still and silent, which contrasted to its normal busy and bustling energy.

He peeked into his room to see that his sheets, blankets, and pillows were off his bed. He went into the laundry room and opened the lid of the running washing machine. He watched the soap and bubbles slosh through his bed sheets.

He grabbed some clothes from a basket of clean clothes and headed for the bathroom. A white shirt and black sweatpants. The clothes were Josh’s but he didn’t care. He’d been wearing the same clothes for three days and he wasn’t ready to face his bedroom yet. He knew what he’d find when he opened the drawers.

Jake walked into the bathroom and turned the shower onto the hottest setting.

He let it reach its full temperature and stepped in. He stood there with his head down and his eyes closed, just letting the water nearly burn his body. It hurt. He wanted it to hurt. He wanted to feel pain on something besides his heart. He wanted to hurt himself for what he did. He wanted to punish himself.

After a while, he couldn’t take it anymore. He turned the temperature down and properly washed himself, head to toe. It felt good. 

He spotted Ronnie’s pink bottle of shower gel. He looked at it and thought for a second. He shouldn’t. 

But he couldn’t stop himself.

He picked up the bottle and opened it. He lifted it to his nose and instantly regretted his decision. 

He felt his heart sink as the smell of the strawberry body wash brought back memories. She had used it a few times there before. It reminded him of her and how she smelled when she was with him at home. 

He let out a shaky breath and closed his eyes. It took all the mental strength he had to put the bottle back down.

A small wave of pride rushed through him. This was a step. A baby step, but a step nonetheless.

He finished showering and threw on Josh’s clothes. Before leaving the bathroom, he took the pink strawberry body wash bottle and tossed it in the garbage can.

By the time he was done in the shower, he went back to the laundry room to see his sheets were finished being washed. He opened the lid and peeked inside. The sheets were wet, but clean. 

He grabbed the detergent from the shelf above the machine and poured more in there. He hit the wash button again and watched the water fill up before closing the lid. 

He walked into the kitchen to see some of his favorite snacks conveniently placed on the counter. For the first time in days, he felt hungry. 

He grabbed a bag of pretzels and went downstairs. Right before opening the basement door again, he stopped. He looked down the hallway towards his bedroom. It was a straight shot down the hall and he could see his bed and area of the room perfectly from where he was. He closed his eyes and sighed. 

“Another day,” he thought to himself as he turned his vision back to the basement door and opened it, heading back down for the remainder of the night.

~~~~~

The next day, Jake returned to his bedroom with a cardboard box in his hand. His bed was made and his sheets were clean. But he was dreading what he knew he had to do next.

He stood in the doorway, hesitant to enter.

“You coming in?” Josh asked from his bed as he looked up at Jake. 

Jake walked into his room for the first time since the argument. He looked at josh and then looked over at Sam, who was reading a book in his little corner area of the bedroom.

“Get out,” Jake said bluntly.

Sam rolled his eyes, got up, and mumbled something under his breath as he walked past Jake and closed the door behind him.

Jake placed the box down on his bed. Josh already knew what Jake’s intentions were.

He got out of bed and stood next to Jake. The two of them stared at the empty box that was sitting on Jake’s bed.

“Pictures, clothes, anything girly you find,” Jake said.

Josh nodded and the two of them got started.

They worked in silence for a bit. Jake cleared his drawers of her clothes and stuff she had left behind, not realizing it was the last time she’d be in the house. Josh took pictures off the walls surrounding Jake’s bed. He took good looks at them as he peeled the tape off and placed them in a pile.

After a while, Josh broke the silence.

“I missed you,” he said quietly, not making eye contact with Jake. 

“Yeah,” Jake whispered, “me too.”

“You wanna do something later? Just us?”

Jake nodded, “Yeah,” he sighed, “Gonna go talk to her and give this stuff back so, after, okay? I’m probably gonna need you,”

Josh pushed his body into Jake’s, “I’m always here for you, little brother,”

“By five minutes,” Jake laughed. It was the first time Jake had smiled in days.

~~~~~

Jake continued to skip English class for that next week so he wouldn’t see her. He avoided her in the hallways. He went different routes so he wouldn’t run into her. He waited after school for her to leave before he left himself so he wouldn't see her in the parking lot. What he was doing was obvious. He wasn’t subtle about it. 

On Sunday morning, Jake laid in his bed when his mom came into his room and sat down on the edge. It had been over a week since the breakup and Jake was finally back in his own bed.

“I got an email from your English teacher,” she said, “you stopped going to class and haven’t turned in almost two week's worth of work. You’re failing.” 

Jake sighed and turned over, facing the wall.

“I don’t care,” Jake sighed, pulling the covers over his head.

“You should care,” she said firmly, “He said you won’t graduate unless you turn in that final essay. If you do a good job on it, he’ll let you pass the class with a D.”

The essay was due tomorrow, on a book Jake didn’t even read. He was supposed to start it last week with her right after they wrote out their future plans for the graduation program booklet. But obviously, that didn’t end up happening.

The book and the essay were the last things on Jake’s mind. He was decent at reading and writing, but stuff like this took time for him. There’s no way he could do a good job on it and turn it in by Monday.

That day, he tried to read the book. He looked up the plot online. He tried to find or think of an essay idea to write about. He had nothing. He couldn’t focus on anything. Every sentence in the book reminded him of her. He could associate every word in the book with her. He couldn’t even get through one page without starting to feel his heart drop.

He was going to fail. And since he didn’t have plans for next year anyway, who cared about repeating the grade, right?

On Monday, he walked into English class with his hood covering his head. It was his first time back in class after a week of skipping. He sat down in the corner of the room, opposite from where he normally sat. He crossed his arms and lowered his head so only his nose and eyes could be seen.

At the end of class, everyone was instructed to turn their essays in before leaving. 

Jake had nothing. 

He waited until everyone left the room and then walked out without turning in any work. 

“I can’t pass you, Jake,” his teacher warned sympathetically as he walked out.

“See you next year, Mr. H.” Jake said in a monotone voice. 

Friday was the last day of school. The final essays were being passed back to the class, one by one. 

Each student in class smiled and whispered as they all flipped their papers over to see their grades. 

To Jake’s surprise, a typed and stapled essay appeared on his desk, face down.

“I could only give you a B since you turned it in late. But you did a good job. It’ll give you the final grade you need to graduate,” his teacher said quietly as he passed his desk.

Jake looked at the paper on his desk and then up at him.

“I- I didn’t…” he stuttered. He couldn’t even finish his sentence before his teacher walked away to pass the rest of the essays out. 

Jake flipped over the paper to see his name typed at the top and a B+ written in the corner of the paper in red ink.

He skimmed the essay and flipped the pages quickly. It met every requirement. Three pages. Double spaced. Cited Sources. Everything.

The bell rang and everyone got up to leave. They all said their last goodbyes to their teacher before heading to their next class. Again, Jake waited for everyone else to leave before getting up.

Jake approached his teacher's desk and before he could get any closer, he stopped him and said, “Jake, I don’t know what happened and I don’t want to know what happened. But, she’s good to you. Don’t lose her.”

Jake bit the inside of his cheek, rolled the paper up in his hand, and looked down at it.

“I already did,” he whispered, starting to walk out of class.

“Good luck next year, Jake. Wherever life takes you. I have a feeling life’s got big plans for you.”

Jake gave him a small smile and waved as he left the classroom for the last time. 

As he entered the hallway, he looked to the right to see a shadow around the corner quickly disappear.

That night Jake got home to see two gray and red cap and gown sets laid out on the family’s couch.

He pulled out his phone from his pocket and sent a text.

6:45 PM: Thanks.

She got the text. She didn’t reply. 

It took everything she had in her not to reply. And she didn’t know it, but it took everything he had in him not to type “Love you,” at the end.

November 1, 2014:

It was November 1, 2014. You and Jake’s one year anniversary.

After the initial shock of you going to New York for college wore off, Jake came around after some time and offered to try long distance starting in the fall. You were glad that he was willing to try and glad that the relationship you had with him was still strong. After all, what couple doesn’t get into a fight here and there?

The summer you and Jake spent together was indescribable. You spent almost every day together. 

You rode bikes, went camping, got ice cream, and went swimming. Usually, you would stay out all day and all night with him and then sneak each other back into your rooms in the early morning hours for a few hours of sleep.

You went to his family’s lakehouse cabin with him and Josh a few times for a few days at a time in between his gigs.

He started playing more outdoor shows in Michigan and some surrounding states for fairs and auto shows. Sometimes, the two of you would drive a couple hours together for him to play a show for twenty people, and then you’d stay in a crappy motel for the night or you’d sleep in the car as he drove back home. You were doing it, you were seeing the world with him. Little by little.

The summer quickly came to an end though and before you knew it, your parents' car was packed with your clothes and dorm supplies, and you were set to head off to New York. Without him. 

The last time you saw him in person was outside his house at 6 am on an August morning. You were saying your last goodbye to him before you and your parents road tripped to New York to drop you off at school. 

That was the last time you hugged him. The last time you kissed him. The last time you felt him.

He hugged you tighter than he ever had before and you did the same to him. Neither of you wanted to let the other go. You knew it would be the last time you saw him for a while. 

You’ll never forget him standing there in the middle of his driveway, in pajama pants, wiping tears off his face as the car drove away.

He would have come for the drive if he could. But he couldn’t. You understood though. Sam was starting high school in a few days and the band had become busier than ever with shows, rehearsals, and writing and recording sessions scheduled by the little management company that picked them up over the summer.

As summer ended and fall began, the two of you had gotten busy. You with school, and him with the band. Things were picking up for them and you couldn’t have been happier for Jake. The dream he thought he lost forever was back in his grasp and he was achieving it slowly and surely. And regardless of your busy schedules, you always made time for each other where you could fit it. The two of you relied on texts, facetime, and phone calls to stay in touch. You mostly texted throughout the day and called each other when you both had a free afternoon or night.

Thanksgiving break was coming up and you planned to go home to spend the entire long weekend with your family and Jake. You had been counting down the days for weeks. 

You had just got out of class for the day and you were texting Jake on the walk back to your dorm. The two of you planned a little Facetime dinner date for your anniversary. It wouldn’t be much, but it was all you could do. Besides, your roommate already had plans for the weekend to stay with her boyfriend, who went to school in Brooklyn, so you had the room to yourself.

Yellow, brown, and orange leaves blew through the fall air and crunched under your shoes as you walked. The sun was just about to set for the night and it left a golden hue in the sky. New York City in the fall was absolutely perfect. 

4:47 PM: I just got out of class. I’m gonna get food real quick so give me like ten minutes.

He replied instantly.

4:48 PM: Okay, talk to you soon my love.

Your heart skipped a beat for a second at his words. My love. 

You smiled at your phone as your heart filled with warmth. In just a few minutes, you’d be able to hear his voice. And in just a few weeks, you would be seeing him in real life. You could practically feel him already.

You looked up from your phone and continued down the sidewalk. You turned the corner to see your dorm building in the distance. 

As you got closer to your building, you reached down into your bag to find your key. When you looked back up, you saw someone leaning against the building in a denim jacket and a knitted hat with a red and black flannel shirt peeking out from underneath. It seemed to be a guy with wavy, shoulder length brown hair that fell from the hat. He was looking down at his phone.

There was no way. 

You had pictured his face on strangers in the city a million times. You did double takes at guys with long hair you passed in the streets. There was no way it was him. Your mind was playing tricks on you again.

But then you saw it. 

He put his head down and grabbed the back of his neck. It was that same little movement he always did when he was nervous.

Jake.

You started walking faster until you got closer to him. You spoke loud enough for him to hear. At the sound of your voice, his head shot up and a smile lit up his face instantly.

“What are you doing here?” you shouted. You barely even finished what you were saying when he picked you up off the ground and spun you around in his arms. 

He placed you down on the sidewalk and held your face in his palms. 

“Hi Baby,” he whispered, giving you the sweetest kiss on the lips. 

You broke away from him and looked at him in disbelief. He looked different that he had the last time you saw him. 

You grabbed his chin to feel stubble covering it. You held onto his hair and felt the new length of it at your fingertips. It was almost touching his shoulders at that point. It was almost like you were feeling to see if he was real or not. And he was. He was a little different. But he was real. And he was Jake. 

“How did you? When did you?” you asked, barely even able to form a full sentence.

“My flight landed at 2, I took a couple trains, walked around a little, got lost for a second, and then boom- found it,” he explained as he looked up at your building. 

“You did this for me? I’m coming home for Thanksgiving in two weeks!” you said, still in shock.

“I did it for us,” he smiled, “Plus, one year is a big deal. At least that's what my mom said.”

“Jacob Thomas Kiszka. You are unbelievable. You know that, right?” 

He raised his eyebrows, bit his bottom lip, smiled, and nodded.

“Happy one year anniversary, Y/N,” he said softly.

“Happy anniversary, Jake,” you replied.

He smiled at you softly before placing a gentle kiss on  your lips. His lips were soft and his kiss was sweet, just like they always were. 

You continued kissing him and the two of you deepened your kisses. You grabbed him by the back of his neck and pulled him in towards you. He pulled you in by your back. You kissed him hard, not even caring that you were in the middle of the sidewalk.

The feeling of his lips on yours after two months was like none other. It was like no time had passed between the two of you. As you kissed him, memories of every single kiss you shared with him flooded your brain.

The first kiss in his garage. 

The kiss in his car after the two of you made things official. 

The kiss in his bedroom on Christmas. 

The kiss in the snow when he told you he loved you. 

The kiss on the cliffside when you watched the stars. 

The kiss in the rain outside of the bar you went to see him play a show at. 

The kiss in the kitchen of his family's cabin on his birthday. 

The kiss right before you gave him your virginity.

Every. Single. One.

He pulled back after a moment and gave you one more softer kiss. 

“Love you,” he whispered.

“Love you, too,” you replied.

You stood there staring at each other for a moment until Jake broke the silence.

“So,” he said as he held his hands on the small of your back, pulling you in towards him slightly, “I’m here all weekend. Show me around.”

You grabbed his hand and pulled him into your building, now extra thankful your roommate had left for the weekend already. Both of you knew what your first activity together would be.

After you and Jake had a nice little reunion in your room, you took him out to see the city you’ve lived in for the past two months. You introduced him to your friends and showed him all your favorite places around the city. You got dirty water hot dogs, walked through Washington Square Park, and you showed him Times Square. It was just a bit more of the world you were seeing together. 

At night you took him to all the bars that didn’t card and he judged the bands that played 45 minute sets of cover songs. The two of you drank beer and took shots until your vision got blurry. As you drank more, he got handsy and you got giggly; and to be honest, neither of you minded one bit. 

After the last call, the two of you ventured back into the streets and stumbled back to your dorm to squeeze into your tiny twin sized bed, just like you used to do in his room back home. He laid on his back and you put your head on his chest. You lifted your leg up and hitched it over his hip. He pulled you close to him and swirled his fingers along the skin of your back until his hand got too tired and he fell asleep.

For the past two months, you fell asleep and woke up to the sounds of horns honking and sirens blasting outside your window. But that weekend, you fell asleep to the sounds of Jake’s heartbeat in his chest and woke up to the sounds of his soft snoring in your ear. For just a second, it took you back to Michigan, back home.

You laid awake as Jake slept next to you. You stared at the ceiling of your dorm room and then looked over at him.

You were in the middle of New York City. You were a completely insignificant piece of the universe. But you were in Jake’s arms- the safest place on earth. You weren't in Michigan. But you were with him. And with him, you were home.

But that didn’t happen, did it? No. 

“Hello?” your friend called out from the other side of the table you were sitting at in the library. She continued, “I said it’s November 1st. You asked what day it was and I said November 1st. Are you okay? You blanked out for a minute,”

“Yeah, I’m uh, I’m fine,” you stuttered.

You looked down at your school work on the table in front of you and let out a breath. You shook your head and rubbed your face for a second.

“Please tell me you’re still not thinking about your ex. What’s his name? J-”

“Jake,” you interrupted. 

She nodded and took a sip of her coffee.

“Today would have been our one year anniversary. That’s all,” you said quietly.

“Sorry,” she whispered. You could tell she felt bad about bringing it up.

“It’s okay. But, I’m, I’m gonna go back to my room. Be alone for a little,” 

She gave you a sympathetic smile and nodded, “Text me if you need anything,” 

“Thanks, I will,” you said as you got up and packed up your stuff. 

You exited the library and walked down the sidewalk back to your dorm building alone. You approached your building to be hit with the reality that he was not in fact standing outside, waiting for you. 

When you entered your room, you put your stuff down, threw on sweatpants, and got into your bed. You opened your phone and scrolled to the very first photo in your camera roll. The one photo you couldn’t bring yourself to delete. It was Jake, smiling a full toothed smile to the camera with his cheek smushed up next to yours. 

“Happy one year, Baby,” you whispered as you clicked the delete button.

The End

Author’s Note:

I originally published Amongst the Stars on January 19, 2022. It was the first fanfiction I’ve ever written. The original idea for this fic started off as a silly little imagine in a group chat and I never expected it to come to life as a full story. Thank you to that group chat. Thank you to Chelsea for the original edits and thank you to Delani for the title. Thank you to so many of my friends for always listening to my ideas, helping me continue the story, and yelling at me for breaking your hearts. 

As this year has gone on, I’ve written more fics and learned so much. I never thought writing would become a hobby for me but this fic really started it all. Amongst the Stars has been and always will be my baby. I wanted to do something special for the one year anniversary of it. In addition to that, looking back, I saw where improvements could have been made and I decided to make those changes to give ATS a full Princess Diaries style makeover. I compiled the original fic (with edits and additions), the deleted scenes (with some additions as well), new cover art, new extras that took a look inside Jake’s world, and the alternate anniversary ending to keep it all organized and close the world of ATS for good. I guess we can call this the “Deluxe Edition” if you will. 

This story will always hold a special place in my heart. Thank you to anyone who has read it and has supported me along the way. Thank you to the friends I made because of this fic. And finally, thank you to Jake Kiszka and his emo phase. 

The story of ATS may be closed. But I never said anything about Josh and Sam’s first love stories closing. There’s small hints at the plots of their stories hidden within this story. Let me know if you find them!

As always, please let me know what you think in my ask or in the replies. Tell me all the parts you loved and the parts you may not have loved too! I want to hear everything you have to say! I love hearing opinions and feedback!

Playlist: 

(A fanfiction sponsored by Taylor Swift)

Train: Drops of Jupiter

Taylor Swift: You All Over Me

Taylor Swift: Sparks Fly

Taylor Swift: Back to December

Taylor Swift: You’re On Your Own, Kid

Taylor Swift: Invisible String

Taylor Swift: The Very First Night

Lizzy McAlpine: Apple Pie

Niall Horan: Still

Adele: All I Ask

Briston Maroney: Rose

One Direction: Night Changes

Stephen Stills: Love the One You’re With

Greta Van Fleet: Flower Power

Carrie Underwood: The Night Before (Life Goes On)

Goo Goo Dolls: Iris

Hozier: Like Real People Do

Boys Like Girls: Heels Over Head

High School Musical Three Cast: Right Here, Right Now

[scarlett-vixen]

Wake Up

A/n: This is the longest fic I’ve ever written and I apologize for making you read this.

Summary: A quick trip to the woods for potion ingredients takes a turn as the group is attacked by a wild creature and Mammon is injured.

Cw: no established relationship but Mammon/MC have feelings for each other, angst, death, survivor’s guilt, hallucinations, minor psychotic break, hurt/comfort, as always let me know if I missed anything.

Word count: 10k

The Devildom was full of mystery, wonder and more than anything: danger. Over the course of your stay you had grown accustom to the brothers protecting you from dangerous situations, always promising to keep you safe no matter what, but what were you supposed to do when the protecting went too far and cost them their life? What were you supposed to do when it was your fault?

“Yer sure we couldn’t have just bought this at a store in town?” Mammon asked, dodging another large tree branch. “Seems like a lotta work for two ounces of venom.”

“You didn’t have to join us Mammon. I need this for a potion and it works better fresh, if you’re scared you can always turn back and head home.” Satan offered, still looking straight ahead.

“Hey! I ain’t scared! Just think it’s a waste of MC’s time, makin’ ‘em walk all this way…it’s dangerous for humans out here ya know!!” He huffed while crossing his arms.

“I asked to join him Mammon,” You chimed in. “I wanted to see how you obtain the venom for this sleep serum and Satan said I could come along, you’re the one who suddenly started running after us!” You rolled your eyes as you teased him.

“Well, yeah! Can’t let ya wander off into the Forest of Terror! Ya might get eatin by somethin!” exaggerating his dismay, Mammon threw his hands up.

“No one calls it that Mammon,” Satan sighed, aggravation apparent in his tone. “Except for maybe children…which I guess you classify as, so never mind.”

The second born scoffed and started mumbling to himself, you simply laughed and turned back to Satan.

“Why do kids call it the Forest of Terror?”

“Probably because that’s what their parents have taught them, it’s a good way to keep young demons out of these woods, less chance of them getting attacked and injured.” The fourth born stopped, checked his surroundings, and then started off to the right.

“Young demons? But aren’t all demons born with powers?” You followed him.

“Well, yes. But young demons cannot fully control their powers and are also more susceptible to poisons and venoms than adult demons. That’s the main reason these woods are so dangerous for them, there’s a species native to this area that secretes a venom strong enough to kill a young demon.” He explained.

“W-what about an adult demon?” Mammon asked, now holding onto the back of your hoodie.

“It would paralyze them for about a week.” As Satan spoke you made a connection.

“Let me guess, that’s the creature we’re looking for?”

“Precisely,” The Avatar of Wrath beamed, he adored how well you listened to his ramblings. “Although the veonm is also very poisonous to humans as well, you would do best to stay with Mammon and let me obtain it MC.”

“Of course!” You turned to see Mammon—now holding onto your shoulders with is head right next to yours—looking over his shoulder at the trees around you. “Someone has to keep him safe.”

“Hang on a minute!” Mammon started. “Yer telling me we have to get the venom from a RedFang?! That’s insane! Those things are super aggressive!”

“Dear brother, I’m the Avatar of Wrath…I am aggression!” Satan sighed once more while shaking his head.

“What’s a RedFang?” Typically, you would have been embarrassed to ask so many questions, but you knew Satan loved to spout knowledge more than anything.

“That’s not their real name,” Satan chuckled. “That’s just what Mammon and the other fledgling demons call them. Their real name is Mors Lupus, or Death Wolf…which isn’t very comforting I suppose.”

“Huh, Death Wolf…sounds like a really great name for a death metal band!” You joked, trying to help Mammon relax. In the few moments of silence between the group after your joke, the air was filled with a horrifying noise. It started as a low deep growl, slowly rising in pitch and then transitioned into a screech so earsplitting and shrill you were sure your ear drums would rupture. “What the hell was that?”

“That would be your death metal band preparing to perform, get down!” Satan pulled you down with him behind a large bush, Mammon dove to the ground soon after. “We don’t want to be spotted.”

“How the hell do ya plan on getting venom without being spotted??” Mammon whisper shouted from the fetal positions he was in.

“I just need to obtain a small amount, typically Death Wolves leave behind trace amounts when they bite into their food, fortunately for us that was a hunting signal. We just have to wait for it to eat and then leave so I can extract the venom I need.” Satan sat up enough to see over the top of the bush. “You two stay here, I’ll go closer and be back once I have the sample.”

Satan checked his surroundings again before making his way towards the sound of some creature feeding on its prey. You looked down at Mammon to find him already scrambling to sit up, once seated upright, you could tell he was much closer to you than he intended by the obvious blush on his face.

“Hey handsome, guess we’re alone now~” You teased and winked, watching his whole face turn bright red.

“S-STOP MESSIN WITH ME!” He was whisper screaming again. “Can’t keep ya safe if you’re distractin me like that!” You tried to muffle your laughter. It was too easy to fluster him, which made it your favorite thing to do.

“I’m very sorry,” Your tone slightly sarcastic and teasing. “Please, Great Mammon, keep me safe from the big bad wolf of the woods, oh please don’t let him eat me!” You dramatically fell against him, covering your face with one arm.

“Told ya to stop being cute…” The second born mumbled, cheeks still burning and heart racing. You were busy laughing quietly to yourself and didn’t notice him watching you, your smile was breath taking to him, before he realized it he was leaning over attempting to steal a kiss without you noticing. Just as his cheek brushed against yours a nearby bush rustled, causing you to jerk your head the opposite way. “Damnit…”

“What was that?” You leaned around the bush to see if you could spot the source. You looked in the direction Satan had headed toward and saw nothing; the sound of the creature feeding had stopped and you figured he was collecting the venom finally. You turned to your left and spotted a little tail sticking out of a bush a few feet ahead, curious about the animal you left your spot behind the bush and snuck over to the other.

Moving a few branches and peering inside you saw a small black creature that resembled a puppy, but slightly different. It’s fur was unusually dark, two small fangs peeked out from under its lips, it looked up at you with its little red eyes and swished its tail in an excited motion.

“Oh, look how cute you are!” You cooed, keeping your voice low.

“MC get away from there! What are ya even lookin at? The Great Mammon is far more interesting than whatever is in that bush!” Mammon called.

“There’s a puppy in this bush! He’s so little and all alone!” You turned to look at Mammon and saw him pouting, one arm propped up on his knee, his chin resting in his palm, angrily scrolling through his phone, clearly annoyed that you left him to investigate. The bush in front of you rustled some more, this time several twigs snapped as well, wondering if the young pup had gotten stuck you turned back around to help it. Only the puppy was gone, in its place was a paw larger than your head attached to a tree trunk of a leg. You looked up and froze, your blood ran cold and goosebumps covered your arms, you slowed your breathing trying to move as little as possible.

Directly in front of you stood a creature with jet black fur, somewhat resembling a canine but on all four legs it stood nearly six feet high you guessed. Its hackles contained what appeared to be quills, the claws on its feet looked sharp enough to take down a small tree in one cut, its head was hung low and its lips curled upward in a snarl revealing several massive teeth and two crimson red fangs, an orange slime dripping off one and landing on the grass below causing it to shrivel and wilt.

You didn’t have to guess what this thing was.

“Run.” Your voice low and shaky, you took one step backwards.

“What? MC are ya trying to play with that thing.” Mammon looked up from his phone and caught sight of the creature. “Shit.”

“RUN!”

You took off, sprinting back the way you came, the earsplitting screech from before was now much closer and you suddenly realized what prey felt like. You turned to look over your shoulder for Mammon, he was nowhere to be seen but the RedFang was already giving chase, you were running for your life but knew your tiny legs were no match for that beast.

“Mammon!” His name ripping from your throat a little more desperately than you had planned. The growls and shrieks behind you were drawing closer, you cussed out Diavolo in your mind for not enforcing some type of gym class to keep you in shape.

“I gotcha!” His voice closer than you expected. You looked back again for your demon but only saw your hunter uncomfortably close to you, shutting your eyes in fear you suddenly felt his arms wrap around your waist and your feet left the ground. Eyes still shut you were able to turn and grab onto Mammon’s jacket, burying your face in his neck at the same time. The air started rushing past you rapidly and Mammon’s chest felt rather exposed, you lifted your head to confirm your suspicions, in his demon form Mammon had scooped you up to fly you out of harm’s way. “Told ya I couldn’t let ya get eatin!”

Reaching the outer edge of the woods, Mammon landed and set you down. Looking around you realized you were back at the entrance where the three of you had started your journey. You felt a knot in your stomach forming.

“What about Satan?” You were almost too nervous to ask.

“He’ll be alright, don’t worry.” He was trying to comfort you but seemed a little anxious himself. “Listen MC, we got lucky this time! Ya gotta be more careful, I don’t want anything bad happenin’ to ya.”

“That’s sweet Mams,” Though he avoided eye contact, you could see the blush creeping up on his cheeks. Ever since Lucifer had appointed him as your guardian, Mammon made it his personal mission to keep you safe no matter the situation. Recalling the many times he had been there to keep you out of trouble, you vowed to make it up to him once this was all over with. “Don’t worry, next time I’ll—”

Cut off by the sound of rustling leaves, you eagerly turned your head hoping to see Satan emerge from the forest, a knot formed in your stomach when a familiar sound began to accompany the rapidly approaching footsteps. A small black blur emerged from the bushes lining the edge of the woods, it was running full speed at you with no signs of stopping, instincts taking over your body you dodge the creature at the last second. Making impact with the ground, the creature stumbled a few times trying to get back up, as it did you were able to get a clear look at its form.

Jet black fur, small little legs with razor sharp claws, short quills on the back of its neck, small blood orange fangs; this had to be a juvenile RedFang. Finally regaining its balance, the small hunter set its sights on you again, a softer version of the low growl from its larger counterpart rumbling through its chest.

“HEY!,” Mammon yelled, raising his wings to intimidate the small pup. “You want them? Yer gonna have to go through me!”

As if accepting the challenge the young RedFang charged at you once more, quills raised and fangs bared, it was much faster than the adult had been. The next few moments seemed to happen in slow motion. You froze as it leapt into the air directly at your face, you felt a hand on your chest and suddenly you were falling to the ground. Mammon stood in your place, wings open wide to shield you and prevent harm.

There was a sharp yelp and suddenly the creature was falling over the second borns shoulder, as it tumbled to the ground and landed next to your own fallen form you felt a sharp sting in your right arm. The young pup met your gaze and quickly took off back into the woods, limping slightly as it did.

“Yeah that’s right! You better run punk!,” You stood up and shook your fist at your attacker. You winced as pain coursed through your arm, looking down you saw a small scratch with a thin stream of blood oozing from it. “Psh, you call that a wound? Better luck next time kid. Thanks for protecting me Mams.”

You were fidgeting with your torn sleeve awaiting his response…you quickly stopped when nothing was said in return.

“Mammon?”

A gentle wind through the trees the only response.

“Mammon…”

Your voice a combination of confusion and concern. You looked over your shoulder to see the demon laying on his side, his back facing you, one wing draped over himself with the other folded beneath his body, you watched for a second and saw no rising of his chest.

Something was wrong.

“Mammon?”

Your voice rising an octave out of fear. You scrambled over to him, placing a hand on his shoulder to gain his attention, his skin felt cold beneath your touch. Your heart began to race, your mind started to cloud with emotions, you braced yourself and pulled him towards you. His body followed your command all too easily and a pain ran through your body. His massive wing still covered his chest but his head lolled to the side and you saw your fears coming to life. His eyes shut and lips turning a light blue.

“No…”

You placed a hand on his face and your heart lurched, his usual warm skin was ice cold and color was beginning to drain.

“Please Mammon, don’t…”

You lifted your other hand, shaky and hesitant to move, you reached out and lightly brushed his wing. You argued with yourself, you tried to convince your mind that you were wrong, that there was a different outcome to this, that when you moved his wing he would grab your hand and tell you it was some cruel prank and you’d both laugh while you scold him.

So, you lifted his wing. You saw his chest. You saw the quill.

And you knew.

“Please no…” The plea came out soft and broken. “Mammon…Mammon!” You jostled his shoulder knowing damn well there would be no response. Yet you begged. You grabbed his hand and felt the tears running down your face, watching them land on his jacket. Your chest grew tight, you screwed your eyes shut and your breathing became choppy. You fought back the sadness, you fought against the guilt, you fought so hard against the anger. But you lost the battle.

His name ripped from your chest like a battle cry, clawing its way out of your throat with a force that took all the air from your lungs with it, echoing into the sky as you gripped his shoulders and buried your face in his neck. Your tears began to mix with the blood that trailed his chest, apologies fell from your lips and onto an empty audience, the anger inside grew like a raging fire threatening to scorch everything around you.

Heavy footsteps and snapping twigs broke through the sound of your cries. You spun your head towards the forest, taking a defensive crouch over your fallen demon, your sadness shifted to full rage and you readied yourself for a fight.

Bring it on you bitch.

“MC! MC is that you?” a familiar voice called, laced with concern. Shortly after, Satan emerged from the tree line, covered in dirt, scrapes on his arms and neck, out of breath and in demon form. “I heard you scream and then your wrath spiked resulting in— are you okay?”

Satan slowly approached while looking you over, noticing the way you were positioned in front of his brother, the scratch on your arm, and the anger on your face. His face dropped as he saw the tears in your eyes, the blood on your hands, and he began to make the connection. Your throat felt tight and all words escaped you, the hand you still held was growing colder with each passing moment. You moved so that Satan could see just what had sent you into such a state, he dropped to his knees beside you and grabbed Mammon’s wrist, after a few seconds he reached up to Mammon’s neck. You knew what he was looking for.

You knew he wouldn’t find it.

“MC, I—” Satan’s voice was softer than you’d ever heard before, it broke your heart even more. His eyes scanned over Mammon’s body and then looked to you, he searched for words, any words at all to fill the haunting silence that surrounded you both. His mind was blank.

“He’s gone… isn’t he?” The question burned your throat like acid.

“Yes…” Voice shaky and tears brimming in his eyes. You threw your arms around Satan and let yourself breakdown, burying your face in his shoulder, tears soaking his shirt, screaming into his chest. His arms wrapped around your waist, you felt his horn gently nudge your head then his face nuzzle softly into your hair, you felt his chest heave and his fingers dig into your skin. The Avatar of Wrath began to sob violently along with you, both trying to seek comfort and unsure of what to do. One thing was clear though.

This was all your fault.

---

The sky was dark and rain began to fall onto the ground below. Umbrellas opened and people started to make their way down the sidewalk and out the gate in front of the House of Lamentation. You sat upstairs on the ledge of the massive window that overlooked the front yard, rain gently tapping against the colorful stained glass. Watching demons and succubi alike say their goodbyes and leave, the funeral had ended five hours ago but for some forsaken reason there had been a “grieving ceremony” held at the house. You wanted nothing to do with it. You wanted to hide away, none of these people knew Mammon the way you did. None of them felt the way you did about him. They all seemed so fake.

“It’s not your fault. You do know that, right?” A stoic voice broke the silence and crawled under your skin like an unwelcomed guest. What did he know? “Please, MC it’s not fair to blame yourself. The quills on RedFang younglings are incredibly poisonous, there’s nothing you could have done to save him.”

“But someone else could have saved him?” You snapped.

“Excuse me?”

“You said there was nothing I could have done, which implies that anybody else could have saved him! What you’re saying is I was too weak; I didn’t have what it took to keep him safe!” You rose to your feet and looked him dead in the eyes. “All he ever did since the day I got here was look out for me and keep me safe! But I couldn’t do the same. He was trying to protect me and I got him killed!”

The tears flowed down your cheeks once more, but this time it was mostly out of anger. You stood your ground and Lucifer seemed stunned, unprepared for you to snap at him that way.

“That’s not what I meant. I apologize. I just don’t want you to blame yourself for this.” Lucifer reached a hand out but you pulled away, side stepping to walk around him. Enough visitors had left by now that you could safely make it to your room without being stopped.

---

You stripped out of your funeral attire and threw on your pajamas, curling up on your bed you tried to force yourself to sleep, despite your attempts you were still wide awake. Staring at the ceiling and swimming in guilt, the weight on your chest increasing with each passing minute, you sat up and hugged your knees. Glancing over on your nightstand you saw the framed photo that would now haunt you, a picture of Mammon at the carnival last month, his signature smile radiating through the frame, next to the picture was a vile of sleep potion that Satan had left you. He created a decent amount using the RedFang serum he had collected and gave you a small portion to study.

“If ever there was a time…” You mumbled to yourself. Pulling the dropper out of the top, you stuck your tongue out and let one single drop fall against it. A tingly sensation crawling up your tongue and down your throat, a sweet flavor washing over your taste buds, a sudden warmth filling your body. “It…actually tastes good” You said to your empty room before placing another drop on your tongue.

Your body suddenly felt lightweight, as if you could float to the ceiling if you jumped hard enough, you could feel your muscles relaxing, your eyelids grew heavy, all sounds inside the house stopped. You managed to close the vile just before your body crashed against the mattress and you were pulled into a deep sleep.

---

This was one of the most peaceful sleeps you had experienced in a while, alone on a hilltop underneath a blanket of stars, a gentle breeze blowing, the only thing that could make this better would be—

“MC?” his voice piercing your heart.

“Mammon?” You turn and see the second born approaching you in his human form. Your chest aches, how cruel was your mind to bring him here to you like this. “I know it’s not really you, this is just a dream…”

“What? Ya mean ya don’t recognize your first man?” He sulked.

“No I, I know it’s you but its not…you. You’re not real… you’re not alive.” The last three words becoming  a whisper.

“ME? Course I’m alive!” Mammon beamed, throwing one arm over your shoulder.

“No, Mammon! You’re not! I was there, I saw it happen! I went to your funeral!” Your voice wavering. His touch felt so real, like his hand was actually there, like maybe this wasn’t a dream…but you knew it was. You hated how wrong this all felt.

“Then I’ll prove I’m alive, I’ll tell ya something that only I would know!” He leaned in closer to your ear and yet when he spoke it was almost like an echo being heard from a distance. “I gotcha a gift, I bought it off Akuzon so it took a while to get here. It’s in the trunk of my car, I was gonna give it to you before we left but I got nervous.”

He turned and suddenly the car from his room was parked right beside him, Mammon opened the trunk and pulled out a small pink box with a gold ribbon tied around it. Holding it in one hand he held it out towards you, as you took the box you noticed the familiar blush on his cheeks, he was always so sweet on you and you took it for granted. You felt tears making their way to the surface but you fought them back as you held the small box in your hands.

“It’s very pretty… can I open it?” You asked hesitantly.

“Course ya can! There’s just one thing I need ya to do first.” Mammon’s face switched from his typical goofy grin to a more serious look.

“What?”

“I need ya to wake up.” His voice soft. He took one of your hands and held it gently in his. His touch was warm and soft, just the way it had always been.

“Wake up? But I don’t—”

A sudden gasp for air and your eyes flew open. You were back in your room, on your bed in your pajamas, the lights were off now though. Assuming one of the brother’s—probably Beelzebub on his way to the kitchen—had turned them off, you tried to make sense of everything else that had happened. It was only three a.m. so no one else was up yet but you saw no point in going back to sleep, not after that.

---

“MC don’t you think this is a little…odd?”

The brothers had been concerned about your silence at breakfast but were hardly prepared for you to tell them about the dream you had last night. They were leery of what actual truth it held but they had followed you to Mammon’s room regardless. Now you and five of the brothers stood gathered around the trunk of Mammon’s car—Levi had been absent from breakfast per usual.

“No, I don’t.” You placed a hand on the trunk of the car and took a deep breath. “In my dream Mammon told me he left a gift inside here just for me. If it’s there then that proves there must be some part of him that still exists!”

“Well duh he still exists…as a corpse in the ground.” Belphie smirked but Satan quickly elbowed him.

“Are you proud of yourself for that?” The fourth born snarled.

“No… I just made myself sad again.” The youngest crossed his arms and leaned against his twin for comfort.

“Whatever, I’m opening it.” Using both hands you slowly lifted the trunk open. With bated breath the brothers all leaned in to see what it held, inside you found nothing but an old tire jack and a receipt from Majolish. “Damn.” You muttered; collective groans filled the room. Despite their skepticism, the brothers had all hoped there would be something inside worth finding.

“Geez I’ve been looking for you guys all over the place! I just got back from pawning all that crap in Mammon’s trunk and got enough money to cover what he owed me plus more! You guys want to go the new maid café?” Leviathan entered the room with a large wad of money in hand, looking at his brothers he realized he just walked in on something sensitive. “Uh…w-what happened?”

“You idiot…” Satan shook his head.

“Was there anything in the pile of crap that could’ve been a gift for me Levi?” You pushed your way through the brothers and walked down the stairs towards the third born.

“O-oh uh, y-yeah actually,” Levi dug in his pocket and pulled out a small pink box with a gold ribbon on it, just like the one Mammon gave you last night. His cheeks burned bright red as he handed it to you. “H-here, sorry. I was going to give it to you later but I—”

You shushed his rambling and slowly opened the small package. Inside the pretty pink box was a crow plushie with little golden eyes and a tag with your initials on it, your heart ached once more holding the soft bird in your hand.

“That proves it! Somehow Mammon is still alive! He’s out there somewhere and he’s speaking to me in my dreams!” You turned to face the others with an eager smile.

“MC, that seems highly unlikely. A lot of strange things happen down here but there’s never been an instance where a deceased person was able to make contact through dreams.” Lucifer looked pained as he spoke, he knew it wasn’t what you wanted to hear. “I’m afraid it was a dream and nothing more.”

“Well how else would I know about the gift in Mammon’s car??” You argued.

“Simple,” Satan started. “He must have told you about it before we went into the woods and your mind blocked it out due to grief.���

“So what, are you saying I’m going crazy? That I’m just making this all up?” You became defensive.

“No not at all dear, no one thinks you’re crazy.” Asmo made his way over to you and attempted to give you comfort. “This is just hard on you that’s all. Maybe you just need a little more rest.”

“Yeah,” You looked down at the small crow. You knew there was no way Mammon had mentioned this before, he was always too excited to watch you open gifts once you knew about them. “Maybe you’re right.”

---

You found yourself back on the hilltop, the stars above you shining bright, the breeze blowing softly once again. You closed your eyes and tried to concentrate, this place felt comforting, it felt familiar, it felt somewhat real but you couldn’t place why.

“Hey MC,” His voice filling your ears once more. You decided not to engage this time, it would only cause you more heart ache anyway. Keeping your eyes shut, you hear him approach you and sit down beside you. “I’m not sure if you can hear me, but I’m just gonna keep talkin’ alright?”

The former Avatar of Greed starts telling you some made up story, you squeeze your eyes shut tighter and try to will him away but it doesn’t work, why is it that you have no control over his appearance here? Frustration continues to boil in your stomach and you finally snap.

“Would you shut up?!” You opened your eyes and looked at him, that damn smile on his face like always. “Lucifer says you’re not real, you’re just a dream, and Satan says you’re only here because I feel guilty!”

“Oh yeah?,” Mammon smirks. “Well could a dream take ya on a romantic getaway to Paris?” He grabs your hand and pulls you to your feet, the hilltop and stars disappear, instead a gorgeous pink sunset and the Eiffel tower appear in their place. The air feels light and warm, a familiar scent is wafting through the air and for a moment you think of that one perfume Asmo always wears.

“Yeah, technically it could…it’s still sweet of you.” You intertwine your fingers with his and lean against his chest, you know it’s not real but you want to pretend it is, even if just for a moment.

“Then what if we shared a sleigh ride across the Antarctic?” Mammon spins you gently and as you stop, you fall seated onto a soft cushion. A large red and gold sleigh beneath you with a massive polar bear pulling you across the snow, Mammon hands you a mug of hot chocolate and you feel the warmth of the cup on the palm of your hands. He gives you a soft smile and pulls you close to him, resting your head on his shoulder you feel his warm skin against your cheeks, the faint scent of his cologne dancing its way into your mind. Your body feels relaxed, for the first time since the accident you feel happy, it’s the kind of happiness that only Mammon could bring you. Lucifer be damned, this was more proof than you needed.

“Oh Mammon, you have to be alive. I could never imagine something so sweet and romantic on my own.” You feel your face begin to heat up.

“Take my jacket treasure, ya look a little cold.” The second born removes his jacket, places it around your shoulders and presses a soft kiss on your forehead.

“Thank you Mams,” Pulling his jacket tightly around your shoulders you sighed. “I just wish I could convince your brothers that you’re alive!”

“You can,” He took your chin in his hand and lifted it to meet his gaze. “All ya gotta do is wake up.”

“No!” You pulled away from his hold, your heart racing. This time felt so different than the last, his touch, his jacket, the warmth on your hands, all of it felt so real. There was no way this was a dream again. “Don’t say that to me! This isn’t a dream!”

Another sharp gasp of air and you were back in your room, you sat up on the bed in a panic.

“Damnit!” You threw your head in your hands. The dark room covered you as tears quietly streamed down your face. Why was this happening? Why couldn’t you just have a normal night of sleep?

You moved your hands to wrap around your shoulders but flinched when you touched an extra layer of fabric. Pulling it off your shoulders you shuttered, there in your hands was Mammon’s jacket, the same one from your dream. “He really is contacting me…I knew it… he is alive!”

---

A few hours later once your alarm went off and you ran towards the dining room, ready to show off your evidence. You barged in so quickly that you nearly tripped on the rug in the hall, a few brothers tried to greet you but you cut them off quickly.

“Mammon is alive and I have proof! He gave me his jacket last night in my dream and here it is!” You threw the jacket on the table in triumph, waiting for them to apologize for doubting you before.

“MC, that’s not Mammon’s jacket.” Asmo retorted, picking up the article of clothing and turning it over. “Mammon’s jacket is an autumn brown. This is Satan’s jacket, a hideous fashion disaster blue.”

“What?” You snatched the jacket from him and looked at it in disbelief. This jacket had been brown ten minutes ago in your room.

“Oh? I wondered where I left that!” Satan casually took the jacket. “Sorry MC, I must have left it in your room the other day.”

“But Mammon—in my dream he—when I woke up it was on me!” You protested, still trying to piece together what was happening. How could it change colors like that?

“Look MC, you’re under a lot of stress. Why don’t you sit down and join us for breakfast?” Lucifer offered.

“I don’t want breakfast! I want to know what’s going on!” You snapped.

“Everything is going to be alright hun.” You were looking directly at Asmo as he spoke but heard Beel’s voice come out instead.

“What?” You panicked.

“I said, everything’s going to be alright.” Asmo repeated in his normal voice, tilting his head in concern. “Are you sure you’re okay dear?”

“I don’t know, maybe I am freaking out a little bit.”

“A little bit? I know freak shows that aren’t this freaky.” Beel smacked his twin on the shoulder and gave him a glare.

“Be nice!” The sixth born ordered.

“I just need to relax,” You took your seat at the table finally. “Maybe I should take more of the RedFang serum.”

“You’ve been drinking RedFang serum?” Levi screeched.

“MC you need to be careful with that!” Lucifer added.

“He’s right, one drop calms you down, two drops help you sleep, but three drops and it could send you into a sleep so deep you never wake up!” Satan informed you. “MC please, do be cautious with it.”

---

Later that evening, unable to relax and desperately wanting some rest, you took your vile of serum and headed to Mammon’s room. Everything was just the same way it had been before the accident, clothes still thrown on the floor, unopened packages from one of his shopping sprees, no one dared to come in here so it all remained the same. You took your usual spot on his couch and sighed heavily, it felt so different sitting here alone, no laughter, no music, no new scheme planning. Just you and the white noise of the room.

“Let’s hope this helps.” You opened the vile and pulled out the dropper. “One drop calms you,” Placing a single drop on your tongue you feel the familiar calm returning to you, the same warmth you felt before creeping slowing up your body. Your arms felt both heavy and loose, your vision starting to blur slightly. “Feeling a strong ‘calm’ today, but two drops will help me actually sleep.”

You place another drop on your tongue and wait for sleep to kick in. Time feels slow and your breathing becomes shallow but you’re still awake and longing for your best friend to be by your side. The guilt eating away at you.

“Well, three drops can’t hurt. I’m sure Satan was over exaggerating anyway…” You reached for the vile once more but your arm felt like a steel bar, your control over it was less than perfect and you accidentally swung too far to the left completely knocking the vile over. The iridescent glass shattered, serum sprayed all over the couch and rug below. “Shit!”

You panicked, not only did you just break an entire bottle of hard-to-get serum but you also just stained Mammon’s incredibly expensive couch…not that he would ever know. You jumped from the couch and ran to the bathroom in search of a towel, part of you wondered how you were able to move so quickly when moments prior your whole body felt like cement, but the other part of you was too busy freaking out to care.

You rummaged through Mammon’s cabinets for a towel yet found nothing, finally you spotted one thrown on the floor near his shower, not stopping to question why it still felt damp you ran back out to the couch. A sharp squeal escaped you and you froze in your tracks.

“Hey, treasure!”

“Mammon?” You were stunned for a moment, then something similar to relief washed over you. “Is it really you?”

“In the flesh!” He gave you a wink accompanied by his signature smirk. You didn’t understand how nor did you really care, that smile was more real than anything, he was here, he was really here! You ran to the couch and threw your arms around his neck; you felt his hand gently touch your back and you nearly melted.

“MC is everything alright? We heard you yell— Mammon?” In the doorway stood the twins, both wide eyed and in shock. Belphie, who stood slightly behind his larger half, turned and called out down the hall. Moments later you and Mammon were joined by all the brothers, each one flabbergasted by the return of the second born, questions flying out every direction. The room soon became a cacophony of noise and Lucifer was forming a headache larger than ever.

“ENOUGH!” The first born commanded. “Satan, what’s the meaning of this?”

“Me?! Why do you think I know what’s going on? Do you think this is some elaborate prank on you, because it’s not! Though it would make for a good one…” Satan trailed off.

“Hold your temper for five seconds, please!” Lucifer sighed. “I was not accusing you, I simply thought you may know what would cause this. You were at the accident with Mammon and MC, plus you have the most knowledge on Mors Lupus and the venom they secrete.”

“Right, well…” The Avatar of Wrath coughed, slightly embarrassed by his reaction. “I do have a pretty extensive knowledge on these creatures and the many uses for their venom but…I’ve never heard of this happening…”

“OOOOOOOH, this is totally like ‘That Time I Went Into The Woods And Was Attacked By A Wolf Only To Later Be Reincarnated By The Same Wolf’s Blood’!” Leviathan said in awe.

“The manga or the anime?” Belphie asked mockingly.

“The manga obviously! The anime was overrated and poorly produced.” The third born scoffed.

“Anyway,” Irritated by the interruption, Satan continued. “The only possible explanation I could give is that somehow the serum mixed with DNA on Mammon’s couch and created…this…it sounds just as idiotic out loud as it did in my mind.”

“It sounds absolutely repulsive! I don’t want to know how much of your DNA was on this couch to recreate you!” Asmo nearly gagged at the thought

“Who cares how it happened,” Beelzebub spoke up, pulling Mammon to his chest and hugging him tightly. “Mammon is back and now we’re all together again! Let’s go celebrate.”

The others all quickly agreed and headed out the door, leaving just you and Mammon alone again. Your mind was a little fuzzy from trying to understand what happened still, but your heart was happy to have him back.

“Mams I’m so glad you’re alive and okay! The guilt of me getting you killed was starting to get to me! But you’re here and you’re alive and everything is alright!” Your smile stretched from ear to ear, maybe after dinner you could finally rest peacefully.

“Well, not everything…” A solemn look covering Mammon’s face. He took your hands in his and gently ran his thumb across your palm.

“What? What do you mean?” You felt him squeeze your hands gently.

“Ya have to wake up.” This time you could see the tears threatening to spill from his blue eyes. You started to panic again.

“Wake up? No! No! I’m not—“

A bright flash of light and your eyes flew open, franticly you looked around the room. You were still in Mammon’s room, still on his couch, vile still in one piece, and still alone. Your heart dropped and your stomach churned, the line between fantasy and reality was starting to blur, at this rate you were afraid to go back to sleep. You hated not being able to tell when your mind was tricking you anymore, not knowing if you were speaking to a real person or just an illusion inside your head. You felt yourself breaking and knew being alone was only going to make it worse.

You ran upstairs and asked Lucifer to hold a family meeting, maybe talking about all this would help put your mind at ease. Once all gathered, the brothers listened to you explain your most recent reality slip, they wouldn’t voice it but you could tell Lucifer and Satan were both growing increasingly concerned about your mental state. You weren’t sure which was scarier: losing your grip on reality or the two of them getting along for once.

“I know I’m losing it, when I fall asleep I feel happy and at peace because Mammon is alive and with me, but when I’m awake my mind plays tricks on me and I can’t keep up with them anymore. In the beginning it was easy, I could tell what was fantasy and what was really happening but now…now I just don’t know anymore.” You slumped against the table and put your head in your hands.

“Please, try and take it easy MC.” Lucifer spoke calmly. “I know this is difficult, you and Mammon had a very strong bond and losing him has caused you great stress.” His voice had started off like normal but gradually rose in pitch as he spoke, by the end of his sentence it sounded as if he had inhaled helium before speaking.

“Say that again?” You raised your head to look at him, something seemed…off. He repeated his sentence to you in the unusually high voice, you started to question it but then heard Asmo speaking to you…only Asmodeus wasn’t the one talking. Turning you saw Leviathan’s mouth moving and yet for some reason Asmo’s voice was coming out, confusion covered your face but before you could say anything you noticed something odd in front of you.

The vase that sat in the center of the massive table contained seven Hell Roses, only now each rose had a tiny face and was waving its little leaves at you. Mesmerized by watching them sway back and forth you tuned out the various brothers giving you advice from the wrong bodies, all their voices were horribly distorted anyway. You watched as one rose in particular pushed itself up from the vase and crawled onto the tabletop, its roots splitting off to make little legs and using them to walk towards you, as it got closer you felt your skin crawl.

“GET AWAY FROM ME!” You jumped to your feet, hurling the dinner plate before you at the mobile plant, the plate shattered with no sign of the rose underneath. You looked around the table and saw six sets of eyes staring at you with deep concern.

“Darling are you alright?”

“I-I just…” Your mind was racing, your adrenaline started to pump fast and you felt nearly claustrophobic in the giant dining hall. “I need some air!”

You made a mad dash out of the house and took off into the nearby woods, there was only one way to end this, only one way to find out if you were truly crazy. You had to go back to his grave. You had to make sure he was really there.

Your feet were moving faster than your mind could keep up with, as if some unknown force was pulling you to straight to your goal, it was dark and you had no source of light but somehow you knew exactly where you were going. Stopping abruptly, you spotted his headstone, your heart raced and you questioned yourself on if this was wrong. Only for a moment though. You scrambled over to the freshly dug grave, the dirt still loose on top, and you started to dig.

Tears poured down your face and dirt caught under your nails; you were terrified. Terrified of how you were behaving and terrified of not knowing what to do once you reached his coffin. All too quickly you hit something hard, clearing away a few more handfuls of dirt you uncovered the final resting place of your love. That’s what he was after all. That’s what all this was about.

You had been plunged into a deep guilt, not only because you got your best friend killed, but because you were never honest about your feelings, with him or yourself. Love makes you do crazy things right? So it must be natural to dig up the grave of a lost love, or so you try to convince yourself. You hesitated for a minute, your hands resting against the black wood below you.

“I have to do it,” You told yourself; a pep talk of sorts before crossing a very dark line. “I have to open it and know!” You shuttered at the thought of what you’re about to do, of what you’re about to see, but tell yourself it’s the only way. “I’m so sorry Mammon…”

You closed your eyes and with one good pull you ripped the coffin open, you let out a shaky breath and opened your eyes to peer inside the box, only the box was gone.

You were back in your bedroom.

“What?” You grabbed your sheets, somehow you were back in your room and seated on your bed. Confusion and anger swirled inside your mind, what the hell was going on? “I don’t understand, how did I get here? Why am I back at the house?”

“Isn’t it obvious dear?” A sickeningly sweet voice called out. “You killed Mammon.”

A pain ran through your chest, you had felt that way all along but to hear it out loud hurt worse. You whipped your head around searching for the fifth born, ready to demand an explanation for his words. But there was no one in your room but yourself.

“Where are you…” You muttered.

“Right where you left me, killer.” You turned in the direction of his voice but only found the wall of pictures in your room. Photographs of you and the brothers from various outings and events over the last few years, your eyes scanned wildly in search of him and finally spotted your tormenter. There on your wall, inside a picture taken in the public gardens, was Asmodeus.

Only he was moving.

“What’s going on…” You backed away slightly.

“You killed our brother MC.” Asmo purred with a wicked grin on his face.

“No, I didn’t mean to! You know that!” You begged nearly.

“You killed Mammon, just like a wretched human. Always making our family smaller.” In a nearby photograph Belphegor started to speak. You shook your head in defiance, you never meant to hurt anyone. The more you pleaded for them to stop the more photos came to life, each brother was now bashing you and calling you a killer, their voices were growing louder and louder, their words repeating and echoing off each other.

Something inside you snapped, you let out a frustrated scream, ran at your wall and started ripping down the photos. Tearing them to shreds and smashing the frames onto the floor, the voices slowly faded with each destroyed picture, finally stopping when the last one was ripped in half.

“Okay, so I am insane. At least I’m sane enough to realize it.” Catching your breath you sat down on your bed again, you were more scared now than you had been during this entire ordeal. You looked over at the framed picture on your nightstand, the one with Mammon from the carnival, your eyes started to water. “Mammon, I don’t know what to do…the only time I feel safe is in my dreams with you.”

The vile next to his portrait caught your eye, you remembered what Satan said about being cautious with the serum, and you found your solution. Even if it was a grim one.

“Three drops, that’s all it takes…then maybe I can stay with you in my dreams forever.” You hesitate, holding the glass vile in your hands, turning it over a few times before opening it. You consider your options, staying here and continuing to battle against your own mind, unable to differentiate fantasy and reality while slowly slipping into madness. Or take your chances with the serum and slip blissfully into an eternal slumber where Mammon was still alive. “Here goes nothing.”

You raise the dropper to your mouth for the final time, slowly releasing the first drop.

One.

The tingling sensation makes its way through your body once more, warming you up along the way and bringing back the sweet flavor to your tastebuds. You let your body settle some and release the second drop.

Two.

Your body feels heavy again, weighing you down just like before. Your mind starts to cloud but you fight it long enough to keep the dropper still. Your hand shakes out of fear and exhaustion, you close your eyes and are met with vivid memories of the time you spent with the brothers both good and bad, you wouldn’t trade your time down here for anything in the world but living like this now is unbearable. You just need some sleep, that will fix everything. You start to squeeze the dropper.

“MC, LOOK OUT!”

Startled you let go of the dropper and it falls to the floor, you looked over and saw Mammon in the frame waving his arms wildly and pointing towards your window. You turned to see the window of your bedroom opening, as it does a large beast slinks its way into your space, the large claws and black fur send your body into shock. What the hell was that thing doing here?  

“Listen to me treasure, ya don’t wanna lie in bed forever! Ya gotta stay strong!” A slight panic in his tone.

“Then what am I supposed to do?” You broke. All the frustration, all the tears, it came boiling over. You started sobbing into your hands, you just wanted this all to stop, you just wanted to feel okay again. The RedFang in your room was now standing opposite of you, staring you down as if to challenge you.

“FIGHT IT!” Mammon yelled.

“I can’t! It’s too hard!” Ignoring the massive creature, you turned back to the little demon beside you.

“Yes you can! There ain’t no way my human would give up this easily! Ya gotta try MC, for me!” He leaned against the edge of the frame; a pleading look in his eye. You wanted to give up but you couldn’t, not when he was still fighting for you. You nodded your head in agreement but as you did a sound you knew all too well filled your room. The RedFang was now standing in the same stance it took before chasing you and Mammon, a low growl in its throat and drool dripping off its fangs, you screamed as it lunged toward you.

“GO AWAY! LEAVE ME ALONE!” You grabbed a nearby textbook off your nightstand and chunked it at the beast. On impact the massive creature bursts, creating hundreds of smaller RedFangs all snarling at you from the ground, a few jumped up to try and climb onto the bed but fell backwards instead. You grabbed the portrait of Mammon and pulled your knees in close; the sound of growling filled your ears, you could feel your heart beating wildly in your chest.

“Look MC, I dunno if you can actually hear me…but there’s somethin’ I wanna tell ya.” Mammon’s voice was soft but it cut through the loud room like a hot knife. “I love you…and I wish I’d told ya sooner.”

“Mammon I’m scared!” Your ears were ringing, you could practically hear your own heartbeat, the growling continued to get louder, as did your sobs. “I don’t know what to do!”

“Just wake up darlin’ please…just wake up.” His voice wavered and you watched his eyes become glossy.

“Mammon please!” You begged. “I don’t understand! How do I wake up? What do you mean?”

“Just wake up, for me…” A few tears started to make their way down his cheeks. You couldn’t stand it, watching him cry, hearing his voice break like that, this was like being stuck in your own personal hell. You squeezed your eyes shut and pressed the frame against your chest, the growling below grew louder and then started to fade, in its place you heard a soft and steady beep while Mammon’s words continued. You felt something wet touch the back of your hand, afraid of what you might find you opened your eyes slowly. There was a soft light and your vision was incredibly fuzzy, blinking a few times the room started to straighten out, though it wasn’t your bedroom. You glanced around the dimly lit room and saw a tv, a wall clock, dozens of flowers, around sixteen stuffed animals, an oversized basket full of sweets, a few empty chairs and next to you was a white-haired demon, holding your hand and crying softly with his head against the bed.

“Mammon?” You called softly, afraid to find out if he was real or not.

His head jerked up, revealing bloodshot eyes and tear-stained cheeks. His hair was unkempt and he looked in desperate need of caffeine, his mouth hung open slightly and he blinked a few times before responding.

“You’re awake!” His face lit up and he did his best to erase any evidence of the tears he had shed.

“Of course, I’m awake. You wouldn’t stop waking me.” You chuckled softly. You wanted to believe this time but you were so scared to do so. Looking down you realized you were laying in an unfamiliar bed. “Where am I anyway?”

“In the hospital! Lucifer and Lord Diavolo rushed ya here right after the RedFang got ya!”

“What? No, the RedFang got you! I saw the quill in your chest, it barely scraped me with its claw!” You sat up and winced in pain, a strong heat ran through your right arm. Looking over you saw the bloody bandages covering your shoulder and bicep.

“Ya mean this?” Mammon lifted his shirt to reveal not only his incredibly toned abs and chest, but a small bandage placed exactly where you had seen the quill the day of the accident. “RedFang quills ain’t venomous to demons, but the poison in the claws on the young ones are fatal to humans turns out…”

Your mind was still a little hazy, you had a ton of questions you wanted to ask but before you could the door opened softly. Leviathan and Asmodeus entered the room, saw you sitting up and darted out the door again, shortly after all six remaining brothers were surrounding your bed and excitedly talking over each other. Asmodeus was practically vibrating with joy, Levi was updating who knows how many social media accounts right now, and Belphie was comforting Beelzebub who was in tears. Lucifer stood at the foot of your bed and gave a soft smile.

“I’m thrilled to see you’re awake MC, I’ll make sure to inform Lord Diavolo as well, he’s been most concerned about your condition.” For a brief second you thought you heard his voice shake.

“I don’t understand, it’s just a scratch. I blacked out for a little bit but I’m fine, why is Diavolo so concerned?” You expected the brothers to behave this way over an injury— they threw a table out one time because you stubbed your toe on it— but couldn’t imagine why Diavolo would be worried about a small scratch like this, surely he had better things to do.

“MC, you didn’t just black out…” Satan sat next to the bed, opposite side from Mammon. “You’ve been in a coma. Since you’re human the doctors did their best to treat your wound and administered antivenom but they were unsure if you would ever actually wake up.”

“Wait…seriously?”

“Indeed, when they told us that there was a possibility you may remain unconscious for— well…that was when Diavolo became concerned. He’s been beside himself about this, so learning you’re awake will be a huge relief.” Lucifer let out a content sigh.

“How long was I actually out?” You questioned, curious to know exactly how long you’d been laying in this bed.

“Three weeks,” Asmo answered. “and Mammon stayed by your side the entire time.”

“Really?” You turned to look at the second born. A light blush covered his cheeks and he turned his face slightly away from you but his hand was still holding firmly onto yours.

“It was twenty-two days technically…I couldn’t just leave my hum—I couldn’t just leave you alone.” Mammon glanced at you from the corner of his eye and his blush deepened, a coy smile appearing on his lips.

“Mammon talked so much that I’m surprised you didn’t wake up sooner. There’s no way I could’ve slept through his constant rambling.” Belphie joked.

“Hey! I only did it cause Satan’s book said it might help!” Mammon barked defensively. He shifted in his seat a little and then turned to face you fully. “Just thought that, y-ya know maybe if ya heard a familiar voice it might help.” He looked down bashfully at your hands that were still intertwined. “But it probably didn’t even help, who knows.”

You watched as he gently rubbed his thumb against your hand, a smile still plastered on his face, even though he was trying to act nonchalant you knew he was ecstatic to have you awake. While studying his relaxed form you noticed the jacket he normally wore was missing, adjusting yourself on the bed you felt an extra layer of fabric against your shoulders, looking over you found that Mammon’s jacket was placed carefully around you.

Then you started to take in the rest of the room.

A sweet fragrance filled the air, you immediately recognized it as Asmo’s perfume but also the sweet dream of Paris. A vase of Hell Roses sat on the counter beside the tv, though these were faceless and quite still. Next to you on the bed was a small little crow, just as soft and plush as the one from the box Levi had kept after selling everything else.

You couldn’t help but smile as everything started to come together, you yanked Mammon closer to you and threw your arms around his neck. You took comfort in holding him close to you and knowing it was really him this time, not just another horrible dream. Tears started to form in your eyes and you let out a soft chuckle.

“It helped Mams…it helped.”

Mammon had sworn to always protect you when you first met, now you knew he really would, no matter the circumstance.

Even in your dreams.

[bayofwolves]

The Return — King (rewritten)

you guys know about path of the heroes. (probably. it's the name of an original fourth spirit animals arc i'm writing.) but what you might not know is that another part of the project is to take the existing three arcs and rewrite them. not entirely, but tweaking and modifying for continuity's sake. there are some Pretty Big canonical divergences in path of the heroes (shane is alive, for one), and since my writing starts after canon has ended, i have some explaining to do. not to mention there being some plot points in canon that i am simply not a fan of.

this may take ages, and the new arc takes priority, but that's okay. since the original course of events stays mostly the same, i can easily just do rewrites of pivotal chapters for now.

such as this one.

i completed this a while back in the summer. i guess i just never posted it, despite being so proud! this is the last chapter of the return, where we get the long-awaited reveal of who the mysterious redcloak is. personally, i wish that the author had given this chapter to abeke instead of rollan. i needed to see what was going on in her head! that was really what motivated me to redo this one.

this sets things up for the next development of abeke and shane's relationship. in the brief timeskip between the return and the burning tide, the two inadvertently end up in the same vicinity, leading to some talks and growth in their relationship. they're healing. abeke hasn't forgiven him yet, but she's noticing more and more how he's changed for the better. i noticed that abeke's attitude towards shane changes between those two books -- she seems to think better of him in the burning tide. something had to have happened. so i took it upon myself to find out what :)

but that's getting ahead of myself. for now, here's the rewritten final chapter of the return!

content warning for themes of suicidal ideation and dissociation.

quick notes:

the title of this chapter has been changed from 'redcloaks' to 'king'.

anda is with abeke, rollan and tasha! he has been given a much bigger role in this arc. he and tellun, who has not been infected for the time being, were left at greenhaven while abeke and rollan journeyed to stetriol. however, zerif's conquest of the castle forced anda to flee. he narrowly escaped and tellun led him to the evertree, where they found lenori. she believed they would be safest with his old friends, as there were no more greencloaks to protect them; thus, the boy and elk started out for nilo and were reunited with abeke, rollan and their new charge, tasha. anda and tellun were therefore present throughout the events of the return and the burning tide.

tasha calls shane cousin. why? they are indeed paternal cousins! king irwyn had another brother and tasha is said brother's only child. thus, with drina deceased, shane mia and gar leaving no children, tasha is effectively lined up for shane's throne. (abeke and rollan can add kidnapping a royal person to their list of accomplishments.) there's a lot more to this but i'll go into it some other time.

this will go through some more edits before being fully published as part of path of the heroes' lore! i have some more cleanup to do.

okay enough preamble. read it under the cut!

Spirit Animals: Fall of the Beasts

Book 3: The Return

Chapter X — King

.𖥔 ݁ ˖☾𖤓☽.𖥔 ݁ ˖

The chill wind that rose from the sea seeped into Abeke's bones. She shivered and pulled her cloak more tightly around her shoulders, but made no move to leave her spot at the ship's rail. Her gaze, fixated on the fading shape of Zourtzi in the distance, remained unbroken.

She felt hollow. She had no desire to move, to speak, even to think. She doubted she'd be able to if she tried. It took all that remained of her willpower to draw in shallow breath after shallow breath. All the life had been drained out of her, the very moment Zerif's black spiral had begun to pulse on Uraza's brow. So there she stood, watching the conquered fortress grow smaller.

Perhaps the tears would come later. So far, she didn't have it in her to cry.

The absence of Uraza was like a wound, the ugliest wound she'd ever been dealt, throbbing with every dismal beat of her heart.

She was so lost.

So alone.

Abeke brought shaking hands up to her eyes and pushed until she saw stars. She willed her heart to simply stop. What life was worth living without her spirit animal?

Soft footsteps sounded behind her. Abeke didn't need to swivel around to tell that it was Rollan. She knew his footfalls, his voice, his face, better than she knew her own.

She didn't turn as her friend walked over to her, his steps measured and unsure. It was unlike him to move so carefully around her, Abeke thought. She could feel the pity radiating from him without even seeing his face. It all made Abeke want to jump over the side of the ship.

Rollan made no sound when he reached her side, only wrapped an arm around her shoulder. At the contact, a little warmth bloomed through Abeke's body. It almost brought tears to her eyes.

"How are you doing?" Rollan spoke. Concern was etched into the familiar curves of his face. Abeke wanted to lose herself there, in the steadying weight of his brown eyes, but she couldn't hold his gaze. She glanced away.

"Empty." The sun-tipped waves of the sea rolled below them. Abeke found strange solace in their neverending flow. "Lost. Alone." Her voice didn't sound like her own. It was as if someone else was commanding her body, as the real Abeke hovered above and watched everything play out. Like a ghost.

Rollan was silent for a moment, before he spun her towards him and pulled her into a tight hug. Abeke let herself be pulled and positioned in his arms, like a doll. But as the hug stretched out, she felt the cold sheet that covered her heart begin to melt away. 

"You're not alone," Rollan mumbled into her neck. Abeke dropped her head to his shoulder and hugged him back with all the strength she had left.

When they finally pulled back, Rollan's eyes were wet. Abeke's own throat had started to close, so much so that she didn't trust herself with words. She returned to leaning over the rail, but this time, her arm brushed Rollan's.

"She was there, and then in the space of a heartbeat, she was gone," Abeke recounted. She lifted her eyes to the smoke rising from Zourtzi – the last place she had seen Uraza. "She looked at me like I was a stranger. It was as if our bond had never existed." Abeke forced herself to keep her eyes on the horizon. She knew that as soon as she closed them, she'd see nothing but the moment Uraza leaped for her throat, replaying over and over.

"We'll get her back," Rollan said fiercely. "I promise."

Turning her head, Abeke regarded her friend through a film of tears. The love and worry in his expression was almost overwhelming.

Abeke sniffed and swiped at her face before the tears could fall. She didn't know how to respond – couldn't – but Rollan seemed to understand, like he always did. They stood side by side in the silence Abeke needed.

Awkward footfalls met her ears not long after, and Abeke felt Rollan turn through their connected arms. "Hey," came Tasha's voice. Her pale hair and green cloak came into Abeke's peripheral vision as the smaller girl stopped at her other side.

"How's Kirat?" Rollan asked softly over Abeke's head.

"Fine," Tasha murmured back. "Anda's tending to him." The exchange fizzled out, and Abeke soon felt the weight of both her friends' gazes.

Abeke blinked down at Tasha's hand, covering her own on the rail. When had that gotten there? "Abeke," the Stetriolan girl was saying. Unlike Rollan, who was always in sharp focus, her voice seemed to come from a long way off. "We're here for you."

Abeke pulled her head to the side. It was all too much.

A third set of footfalls sounded on the deck behind the three. Two short steps, strong and curt.

Curiosity compelled Abeke to look. As one, the three Greencloaks turned to take in the newcomer.

It was the Redcloak.

Abeke's eyes flicked over his sweeping scarlet cloak, his black leathers, the smooth wood of his mask. She had seen plenty of Redcloaks, even on this ship, but only one wore a mask so strange. Only one of them had no face.

Some of the fog that had settled over her body since Uraza was taken seemed to lift. Who really was this mysterious warrior that had saved them time and time again?

Something deep in her heart told her she already knew.

"Is everyone in your party all right?" the Redcloak asked. His voice was deep and raspy, almost reptilian in quality. Abeke tried to compare it to the voice she remembered from her past, the voice that still sometimes spoke in her dreams, but recognized nothing.

She realized after a moment that his gaze hadn't strayed from her.

"We'll survive," Rollan said for all of them. Abeke glanced to either side of her, noticing the wariness in Rollan's face and the way Tasha nervously clung to her wrist. "Now, how about explaining what's going on here? I think it's about time for some answers."

The Redcloak tipped his head to one side as he considered Rollan, his oddly pale eyes glinting under his mask. "Soon," he said simply. "Be patient. We're taking you somewhere safe."

"Yeah, and where is that?" Rollan countered, bitterness lacing his words. "If you haven't noticed, nowhere is safe anymore. Zerif can get to us anywhere. In Zourtzi, in Stetriol and even at Greenhaven."

Tasha drooped beside her. A distant part of Abeke wanted to comfort her, but what comfort could she give?

Strangely, the Redcloak seemed to droop as well. "So the rumours are true," he said with a sigh. "Greenhaven has fallen as well."

There was something so intrinsically familiar about his stance, his speech, his whole bearing. Abeke had mulled this over for many nights, but now, with him standing a mere ten feet away, she felt everything in her threaten to spill out. Her heart ached, and she had the strangest urge to reach for him. Could it really be him? After so long?

The masked figure stared out to sea for a brief moment. "You should rest. There are more battles to come."

Then he turned and made to stride away. With her heart in her throat, Abeke pushed away from her friends and staggered forward. "Wait," she called hoarsely. "At least tell us your name."

The Redcloak turned around and fixed Abeke with his uncanny eyes.

"You've saved our lives again and again." The pounding of her heart was deafening. She could barely hear herself over it. She stepped forward again, then gripped onto Rollan's shoulder for support; he had hurried to her side. "Tell us who you are," she repeated, "so that we might thank you properly."

The Redcloak hesitated. "I'm called King," he said at last. Was it her imagination, or had his posture softened a touch? "I am the leader of the Redcloaks."

King. A hush fell over Abeke's mind. King.

As he watched her with wide eyes, Abeke heard Tasha speak from behind her. "Thank you," she said quietly. "We are forever in your debt."

King only spared a glance to acknowledge her. He tilted his chin again, then moved to walk away once more.

Abeke watched as he stopped still, his back to them. She watched him slowly turn back around. And with her heart thundering in her ears, she watched him fix his eyes on her.

His next words came soft, low. "I used to be known by another name."

Not of her own volition, Abeke found herself shaking her head from side to side. No. No.

The Redcloak drew back his hood, revealing light blond hair. Then he reached behind his head and unfastened his mask. "You knew me as Shane."

The mask fell away.

Abeke couldn't breathe. Couldn't move. She didn't react to Rollan's gasp of shock and Tasha's startled cry of "Cousin?" Her surroundings melted into waxy darkness. All she saw before her was Shane.

Though it was unmistakably him, the boy she used to know was barely recognizable. His normally tanned skin was pale, like he hadn't seen the sun in months. Knobbly green ridges had replaced his eyebrows, giving him a fearsome, monstrous look. Worst of all were his eyes. Gone was the keen blue stare that Abeke remembered so well. Instead, she was met with glowing, reptilian yellow-green. They were twice as large as they should have been, and bordered by pebbled scales. Slitted pupils stood out at their centres, holding her captive. A shudder of revulsion rolled over her.

"What happened to you?" Rollan's voice came in a horrified whisper.

Abeke hardly registered the words. Her breathing was coming in ragged gasps, and she felt the prickle of sweat all over her body. Her hands were already slick with it. She clenched them into tight fists, ignoring the way they trembled.

Of course.

It was him all along.

He and his Redcloaks had fought for them in their every hour of need – but now they were at their mercy. They were still in the dark about their motives, and now they were surrounded by them. Abeke's heart seized with panic. Her thoughts flew to Tasha, Shane's rival for the throne, and Anda and Kirat, belowdecks with the rest of the Redcloaks. Would they be safe with Shane? What if his only reason for helping them was a twisted desire to collect the newly reborn Great Beasts for himself?

The memory of the mysterious red-cloaked figure coming to her defense in Amaya sprang into her mind. He had saved her life from Arax. In Zourtzi, too, he had protected her from Zerif. Was it possible he still cared for her?

Abeke swiftly banished those thoughts from her mind. Shane was the enemy. He would always be the enemy. And this reveal was proof he would never stop lying.

I'm called King. Abeke shook with barely repressed tension as she remembered his words. An image of Shane with the Devourer's crown atop his head and a wicked smile on his face flashed through her memory. I am the leader of the Redcloaks. She saw him at the head of the Conqueror army at Muttering Rock, almost obscured by their black masses, seated astride his giant crocodile. How did she not see it before? How could she be so foolish?

She knew who the Redcloaks were.

They were enemies.

Shane's eerie eyes bored into her. Abeke recognized them now as crocodilian. How could she believe, even for a moment, that he might have wanted to change for the better? The symbol of his betrayal was branded over his once-handsome face.

But Shane wasn't the only one who was different now.

Abeke was done taking chances.

And she had nothing more to lose.

Whipping the bow off her back in one swift motion, Abeke brought an arrow to the string and pointed it straight at her former friend's heart.

The world came back into startling clarity the moment she did so. She heard a scream from Tasha, heard Rollan grab the girl’s wrist to hold her at bay. Abeke kept her eyes locked with Shane's. Was it the rocking of the ship that was causing her aim to waver?

"I had hoped it wasn't you," she rasped. "I had hoped you weren't tricking me again."

Shane was silent, slowly bringing his clawed hands up.

"Abeke, he just saved our lives," Tasha said urgently. "Maybe we should –"

Abeke stared at her in blind fury. "Do you know the last time Shane saved my life?" she snapped. "He used it as a way to sneak into Greenhaven and betray us. He used me. I was nothing but a tool to him." Tasha flinched in the face of her anger and shrank a step back. Guilt flickered through Abeke, but she had no time to apologize. Resolutely, she turned her attention back to Shane and tightened her hand around her bow. "It'll be no different now."

"That's not true," Shane protested, with such force behind his words that it surprised her. "You were never a tool to me." His raised hands lowered and spread in a pleading gesture. "Much has changed since we last spoke openly… as I'm sure is obvious. Everything I've done with this mask, this cloak, this name, was not to deceive you, but to start anew and atone for my mistakes."

Abeke tilted her head to the side, steeling herself. She wouldn't let Shane's honeyed words ensnare her again. She was past this. She was stronger than this.

Her sweaty hands were making it hard to keep a firm grip on her bow. Could she shoot him, here and now? Did she have it in her?

With every passing second, she was less and less sure.

Behind her, she heard the worried voices of Rollan and Tasha. They were calling her name, trying to summon her out of her trance. It reminded her painfully of the last time she'd confronted Shane – the duel they'd fought in front of Kovo's empty prison. That time, too, she hadn't been able to finish him off. Something almost like instinct wouldn't allow her to.

She felt it now, some deep force within her, causing her arrowhead to tremble as she looked into the haunting face of her former friend. She let out a short scream, hoping to dispel some of her rage and pain. Sudden tears obscured her vision. "Give me one good reason why I should trust you," she challenged. Her voice came out raw and broken.

Shane stared at her for a long moment, and though it was impossible to read any emotion in those slitted eyes, Abeke thought she sensed immense sadness from him. "Let me speak plainly. The end is near."

Abeke gave a wry, husky laugh. Indeed, Erdas must be in her final days for the two of them to reforge an alliance.

"I know this is difficult, but I need you to trust me. To trust us," the boy said gravely. "There's something you need to see. It may be the key to saving Erdas, and perhaps the key to saving Uraza as well."

Abeke's eyes widened in shock. Hesitantly, she lowered her bow a few inches.

Shane wanted to help Uraza?

His slitted yellow-green eyes tracked her movement, unreadable, before they returned to hers. Something almost like hope lit his face. "Give me this chance, and I promise you, I won't let you down."

Abeke considered him for a long moment. Once, Shane had been a friend to her, a steady comfort even across opposite sides of the war. He had traded that all away for victory, using her as a pawn in his schemes before tossing her aside. He had made promises, and he had broken them. But now he stood before her, after saving her and her friends so many times, with a vow to save her spirit animal as well. Abeke looked at his changed appearance and felt horror. But now, she wondered if a better change was brimming below the surface.

Her bow fell to her side as the fight suddenly went out of her. She stared blankly at it for a moment, then took the arrow from the string and slipped it back into her quiver. She had thought about shooting it across the waves to release some of her tension, but decided against it. No need to waste an arrow. After all, she thought, turning dark eyes up at Shane, there are more battles to come.

She would place her trust in him for now. But for the sake of her friends, for Rollan, for the children they were tasked with protecting, she would be on her guard.

Slinging her bow over one shoulder, Abeke glanced over to Rollan and Tasha. Rollan, who knew her so well, must have read something in her hollow gaze that she herself was oblivious to. He was at her side in a heartbeat, touching her hand with his. Tasha followed in his wake, fitting herself against Abeke's other side with more uncertainty. Abeke slipped her arm around the other girl, surrendering the worst of her pain and anger to the ocean wind. Surrounded by the best things she had left in her life, she could breathe.

Abeke looked down at her friends, giving a weighty nod. Tasha returned it, then Rollan. They were with her. They would face this together. The thought renewed her strength.

With a deep breath, Abeke locked determined eyes with Shane. "Where to?" she asked.

Shane took a step forward and looked out across the water. "We sail for the Place of Desolation."

[sassykattery]

Pearl Necklace

Based on the message "Mystery Shopper" between MC and Satan.

Pairing: Diavolo x oc! Altaira

Third person POV

AU to Altaira's fic

CW: Altaira is afab, uses she/her pronouns. Highly suggestive material but no detailed smut described.

Themes: Jealousy.

Characters: Altaira, Satan, Diavolo, Barbatos, all brothers implied.

Minors and ageless blogs DNI

18+ only

Masterlist

Enjoy

The Demon Lord narrowed his eyes only slightly, watching the scene ahead unfold. He shouldn't feel this way– he knows that. It's unbecoming for a prince, and lest he practically tell the whole Devildom how he actually felt about the human exchange student prancing about the jewelry store with Satan.

Diavolo happened to be there that morning to approve a new line of watches the owner had brought in and was letting the prince have first pick. But he couldn't help but be distracted by his favorite interruption, Altaira. It's been said he enjoys watching his favorites from afar, but when it came to her, there wasn't a single demon, angel, or human that could divert his gaze.

Satan guided her along to look at their diamond bracelets, while Diavolo continued to keep his cool, still talking to the store owner. He wondered when either of them would realize he was there. Would he approach? Say hello? Or would he wait it out? He wasn't entirely sure yet.

Then, the Avatar brought her around to look at the necklaces. He got the attention of one of the employees to take a look at some of the devilish pearl collection items. The employee was explaining their exquisite and rare nature, how they are only found at one of the lakes in one of the harshest environments in the Devildom, and they're only harvested once a year when the fiery winds are low and the clams come up to the shoreline for mating.

Satan selected one, a blush pink set, perfectly complimentary to her skin in Diavolo's eyes, and put it on for her. The employee brought out a mirror, and, to no one's surprise, she adored it. While Diavolo did appreciate how such a fine piece of jewelry looked on her, he would've liked it much better if he were the one showing her, touching her soft skin while brushing his fingertips against the nape of her neck.

The Demon Prince watched as Satan helped to take the necklace off, and surely he had to be mistaken to see Satan whisper something in her ear and look at her in such adoration. Another necklace was selected. This time, it was one with black pearls laced with black diamonds between the pearls, giving it an extra bit of sparkle. The prince burned, internally, at the sight of this. How Satan hovered around her, his hands clearly itching to touch more of her.

Having had enough, Diavolo thanked the owner for their time, selected a watch, and then explained he wanted to look at a few other things. The owner graciously agreed and took the young prince around to look at a few more things, subtly following the Avatar and human. When it seemed the pair had reached the end of their shopping trip, Diavolo approached with a few bags in hand.

"Why, it's Satan and Altaira. What are you two up to today? Are you leaving?" The prince announced himself enthusiastically.

"Ah, Diavolo, it's you. We're out shopping today, and we were just about to leave. What are you doing?" Satan replied calmly, still hovering in Altaira's space.

"The owner asked me to come in and look at some new watches the store wishes to sell, to see what I think." His eyes then shifted to solely focus on Altaira. "I've actually been meaning to ask you something. If you're not too busy and don't have any other plans, I'd like to ask if you would like to come back to the castle? I have some free time today," he explained smoothly.

"Sure, Satan and I were just heading home," she replied cheerfully. She looked up at the fourth born, "I had fun. I'll see you at home tomorrow."

Satan nodded. "I'll let them know you'll be missing dinner. See you later." He then looked back to Diavolo. "Diavolo."

The prince nodded and waved Satan off. Looking back to her, Diavolo asked, "Shall we?" She nodded.

Leading her outside the store, Diavolo walked her over to his black sports car that nearly sat flush with the pavement. Like a gentleman, he opened the passenger side door for her and closed it, went around to the back to put his bags away, and then finally got in the driver's seat.

Back at the castle, Diavolo escorted her inside, only to be met with Barbatos.

"Put these in the common room, please," Diavolo ordered, handing the bags to the butler. Barbatos bowed and left to complete his task. The prince turned toward his human companion. "Soda?" Altaira nodded eagerly with a smile.

He knew deep down there was nary a smile like hers, because it was one she didn't show often. In most photos, she remains stony but photogenic, so when she flashed it up at him, he wanted to fall to his knees then and there.

Looping his arm in with hers, he led her to the kitchen and found the sodas in the fridge. Having their treats in hand, they walked back to the common room. As soon as she laid eyes on the coffee table, her eyes went straight to the arranged open boxes of jewelry. Diavolo led her around to sit on the sofa facing the table and sat her down first.

"Prince Diavolo!"

She only said his name like that when he was in trouble, but with the way her subtle redneck accent came out and her eyes glittered with appreciation, he knew it was more that she was surprised than mad.

"I have some gifts for you to show you my appreciation for everything you've done for us, the Devildom... and myself," he explained to her in a softened and deeper tone, sitting himself next to her.

"This is too much," she squirmed.

"Please, I'd be more upset if you didn't accept something. If there are some you don't like, you need only say so, and I'll have it sent back. I wanted to give you options," he insisted.

"I..." she started to say, unsure of what she even could say. They were all beautiful, and truly, she could see herself keeping all of them.

Diavolo could see the hesitancy in how she started to reach out to a box, so taking over, he grabbed the one nearest to her and showed it to her. For the next hour, he went through and explained the importance of each gemstone, design, and history behind the pieces. He knew that gemstones and minerals in particular were of a special interest to her, and she enjoyed every second of his lecture.

Though, whether he knew it or not, any of his lectures and teaching lessons were of interest to her, regardless of the topic.

"Which is your favorite?" She asked, holding a couple of boxes in hand and looking around the table, clearly more confident now.

"Actually, this one in your right hand," he replied, gently taking it from her. It was the black pearl necklace.

"I am fond of this one," she replied. "I tried it on when I was with Satan."

Though he didn't let it show, Diavolo burned again when he heard that.

"But... I think it's because it reminds me of you," she murmured sweetly, turning her head to look up at him through her long lashes. That burning dissipated and was quickly replaced by heartfelt desire.

"How so?" He asked coyly, a smirk on his lips.

"They're your colors... and I just feel like it's something you would give me," she answered. He could hear her honesty without even needing to look in her eyes to find it.

"I do quite like it myself," he murmured in agreement. "May I put it on you?"

Having her consent, he took the necklace out of the box, and she turned her back to him. With a measured pace, he slowly brought it around front, and just as the cold pearls touched her skin, he saw her neck prickle, goosebumps raising across, much to his delight. His warm fingertips brushed the tops of her shoulders and back along the nape of her neck as he clasped the necklace together. He took the liberty of taking her long blonde locks and gathering them up to pull them out of the necklace and let it fall against her back once more. He caught a whiff of the warm sugary scent of her perfume in her hair, making him squirm then.

Altaira turned slowly to find the prince staring down at her fondly, much closer in proximity than before.

"Thank you," she said barely above a whisper.

"It's darling on you," he praised her, his eyes trailing lower to look at the span of her neck and chest. "Was there anything else you liked?"

She nodded and leaned across to take another box. "I quite enjoyed the lore behind this one," she said, grabbing a rose gold bracelet. "These Crimson Aisle rubies are quite special, I think."

"I must agree," he purred, leaning over on his arm he placed behind her back, his hand on the seat cushion next to her far hip. "Keep going," he whispered.

She paused for a moment, and he was distracted momentarily when he saw her left hand shimmering with the pact of greed coming alive. The prince couldn't help the smile on his lips when he realized how she was feeling.

"Take whatever you like. It's all for you," he purred in her ear.

"Okay," she whispered. She set everything back on the table and turned her head slightly and murmured to him. "There's something else I want."

"And what's that?"

The prince suddenly felt her small hand on his upper thigh, and she turned her head more while keeping her gaze lowered.

"I hope you're not just trying to thank me for the gifts," he mumbled in her ear, his lips barely grazing the shell of it.

"It's more than that," she answered.

This set forth the movements of the two coming together for a lover's embrace. Eventually, they made it to the prince's bedroom, leaving a trail of clothes in their wake. There was nothing left unsaid, verbally or physically between the two as they demonstrated an attraction so fierce, so unholy, it'd make a lust demon blush. And at the end of it all...

All she was left to wear was a pearl necklace from the crowned prince.

---

"Is Altaira coming home today?" Levi asked at the dining table during breakfast the next morning.

"She should be anytime now. Normally, Diavolo has meetings by now," Lucifer replied, reading some documents and drinking coffee.

"How was your "date" with Altaira, Satan?" Asmo asked facetiously.

The fourth born huffed and stabbed his breakfast with a knife. "Diavolo fucking interrupted it. I don't think she even realized it was a date," he replied bitterly.

"Satan," Lucifer warned.

Satan mumbled some more obscenities, but those quickly died as everyone heard the front door to the House of Lamentation open and close. All seven whirled themselves around or craned their necks around the others to watch her walk by.

"Good morning, boys," she called out, knowing they were all watching. She said it sweetly, a tone so saccharine it made them all momentarily forget their jealousy.

"Morning, Altaira," they all replied in unison.

But when she was gone and all that was left was the trailing scent of a certain demon prince in her wake, all of their proverbial and literal feathers were ruffled. But, the Avatar of Wrath, more than anyone, seethed as he noted the jewelry bags she was carrying back to her room.

And more importantly, a particular black pearl necklace around her neck– the mark of a possessive demon prince.

---

Thanks for reading!

Post made by sassykattery. Do not repost. Reblogs and comments appreciated.

If you didn't catch it, the title and references to the title are innuendos.

Tags: @delphi-dreamin @bite-sized-devil

[jazz-kitty]

For ask thing - 6, 10 (i think like i have an idea) and 13?

ended up being long

6. least favorite ship(s)

i had beef with melivenam [venelia? (menam? {something else?})] a while ago but i think it's chill now. cute even. adorkable perhaps. and i think talon & florin are interesting enough as Brothers In Arms as opposed to dating. but even that is loose; i just don't think they'd ever call each other the word boyfriend and at the end of the day don't actually care if people want them making out. and that's about the extent of it i think?

i don't really mind any of the ships i've seen; it's a small fandom and the amount of people that mention ships is even smaller. i'm chill with most of em. i'll draw like 80% of them. i see the vision and respect it even if i do not follow it

10. favorite villain / antagonist

smiles. You know. besides flora though who is the default answer because she is the best character ever. i like texen a lot. my friends have made several pieces of artwork with religious allegories with texen because it has been a joke for multiple years. i knew texen before i so much as thought about playing a pokemon fangame. texen was the first fangame character i ever drew. my friend made an entire reborn texture pack just for texen

and horrifically dedicated bit aside, i do think he's funny & enjoy seeing him on screen. don't diss the do

13. any random theories

this is already getting long as shit so im not explaining any of them #sorry. also because if i think about any of these for too long they fall apart:

eizen is the fourth of whatever eden clear & kieran have going on [chess piece thingies implied there was a fourth bitch and he's weird. idk. theyre in chess club together idk], madame x is the 2nd interceptor thats mentioned at the... interceptor computer thing... in like zeight? i think it was called that?, puppet master is risa and just uses he/him pronouns on the weekend (but she has a job so she doesn't really care about that right now {or rune but its more boring to think its rune just bc she's been off screen and mysterious. she's just dead or something bro #GiveItUp [< i am aware it is probably rune]}), nymiera is one million year old, vitus is one million year old and fumbled nymiera so bad that the plot of rejuvenation happened, whatever the gang in sashilla [ren, erin, venam, melia, you, aelita, other people im forgetting] is was wished for by maria and is why they were all uplled together & maybe the cause of intereceptors entirely, dr isha died however many years ago under a different name and stole the body, brain, organs, or something else that he definitely shouldn't steal to continue "living",

and the evil gang cool squad is the 6 protagonist kids who gave away their bodies to adrest's mom whatever her name is to stop storm 9. they can't do it themselves because they're just a bunch of teenagers, which is why they get uhh. me. hi. to fix the world using their image, while they get to watch Yay! im not sure why anything is specifically LIKE that, but im pretty sure that's whats happening. + adrest is here too because Mom said you have to bring me along if you wanna hang out with your friends :'(

[imagintheworldaway]

Vain

I have never written for Roger before so i hope you like it!

Warnings: angst?? 

Requests: Open 

I stubbed my cigarette out on the side of the outside wall. Resting my head on knees as I scrunched them into my chest and looked out onto the vast gardens of the countryside estate I shared with my husband.The summer evening created a warm breeze that swept around me and moved my hair in such a way that it ticked the bare skin of my back. My fingers absently played with my wedding ring as I truly thought about my life and the massive mistakes I had made, hugging my legs closer to myself. 

It was 1974 and I had just turned 21, my friend had insisted we went to a party in a random town house in London. It was her older brothers, bestfriends, sisters, old roommates, boyfriend's party, or something completely random and somehow we had secured an invite. I was listening to a random conversation when the chatter started to die down a little as a few heads turned to see who had just entered the room. “Who's that?” i asked a little too loudly, some girl shot daggers at me and explained through gritted teeth “it's the host bimbo” she spat obviously mad i had no clue who they were. I watched as the three boys walked in and after a moment a fourth emerged, he had long blonde hair which looked to be styled in a rough manner, large sunglasses covered his face although it was night and we were inside, his shirt was unbuttoned down to his navel and a blazer hung lazily around his frame. “Stop drooling” my mate nudged me, taking me out of my trance and a light blush burning my cheeks. 

A few hours had passed, I looked at myself in the mirror as I washed my hands, a light buzz streaming through my veins as a soft smile graced my lips. I was still thinking of the blonde guy I had seen earlier, not moments after he had walked in had a group of girls flocked around him and my view was obscured. I brushed my hair with my hands before grabbing my bag and unlocking the door. I was stuffing my lipstick back in my bag when I bumped into a large figure. “I am so so sorry” I blabbered out before looking up and seeing the blonde locks of the man from earlier. “You ok?” he questioned, glancing at me only momentarily before turning into the mirror and brushing down his jacket. He turned and slid his glasses down, his large blue eyes urging me to answer his question. “Yes i am sorry” i said hurriedly, the blush from earlier re emerging as i was lost for words.

We stood in comfortable silence for a moment until the song changed. “I like this song,” the guy said, starting to bob his head and drum his fingers on the table in front of him, still looking in the mirror. I listened for a moment as I heard dancing in the moonlight by King Harvest fill the room. “It’s my favourite” I said absentmindedly as I swayed to the beat. “That settles it then” the guy smirked as he took one last look in the mirror and grabbed my arm, leading me back into the crowded room and started spinning me about. I giggled as he then started swaying me to the music. I watched as the other girls in the room eyed me with death glares and my sudden change in mood must have been evident as the mystery man soon reached for my cheek and turned my head to look at him. “Don’t mind them, you're so different from all these other girls … sorry i don't think i got your name” he smiled at me, his other hand pinching my waist a little more to pull me closer. “Y/N” I giggled as he started spinning me again. 

That night was ingrained in my head as the night that had changed my life. We spent the entire night dancing and just chatting, after a while he had reassured me that he didn’t even notice any other girl, i was the only one at that party he had noticed and he was so thankful that i had bumped into him because he had been wanting to come and talk to me all night. I thought that was so sweet at the time, another opportunity to make me blush and giggle like a schoolgirl. He always had that effect on me, making my stomach turn to jelly and my cheeks turn red, fumbling over my words, he just did something to me, I wish he still did. 

I slid off of the windowsill and let the carpet encase my feet. I padded to the other side of my shared bedroom, looking at myself in the vanity. I had changed so much since the day we met. Maybe he did this to me, or maybe it was me, or just all the shit I had been through in such a short space of time. I let my eyes roam over to a picture hanging on the wall. It was taken a year and a half after Roger and I had met. We had been dating for around the same amount of time and exclusive for just around a year. I had joined the boys at the studio that day, they were recording tracks for A Day At The Races and Brian was currently messing around with some riffs. Freddie was shouting into the mic that played in the booth and Chrissie, Veronica, Mary and I were engrossed in conversation about Chrissie and Brian's upcoming wedding. I listened idly when I noticed my boyfriend enter the room out of the corner of my eye. He made a little motion towards the door meaning he wanted me, in more ways than one. I made a face saying no, even though I was fully unaware of what was going on in the conversation now. He bit his lip comedically and started making motions and hand gestures imitating humping, to try and distract me even more. I mouthed a ‘stop’ to him as I suppressed my giggles, my attention fully on my boyfriend. “Earth to Y/N” Mary said, nudging me, I turned my head to the group of girls again, who were all now looking at me expectantly. “Hm?” I questioned having no idea as to which part of the conversation we were at. “Sorry I was distracted” I giggled nervously glancing at my boyfriend who was now leant against a doorframe, acting innocent in all of this. The girls just shook their heads and laughed at me as they filled me in on more of the wedding plans. 

The rest of rehearsal went by with limited bickering. Veronica and Chrissie had gone to get some coffees whilst Mary had to go to work, meaning I was laid out on the sofa half asleep. I had almost dozed off when I felt someone lift my legs and gently place them back down. I lifted my head and laid my eyes on my boyfriend. He had just come from the booth and his hair was messy, his forehead was slick with sweat. “You look sexy” I mumbled, smirking at him. “Aww thanks babe, think i’ll never shower again, especially if you like this sexy look” he cocked his eyebrow at me. “Looks like no more shower sex for you then” I giggled, causing Roger to feign hurt. I just rolled my eyes and leant up, shuffling so I sat on his lap and moved a piece of hair out of his face and placed a soft kiss on his lips. “I’d never deprive you of such a thing” I reassured him before a flash and a click made us both whip our heads towards the door. “You two are just too cute” Veronica smiled before they handed out the drinks. 

The picture stared back at me, the love in our eyes so pure and real, such a natural and raw moment. I was so young then, so filled with hope and naivety, I thought that it was us against the world and nothing would ever change the way we felt for one another. 

My gaze cast to the next picture on the wall, it was us slow dancing and Brian and Chrissies wedding. “This is so beautiful” I said in awe as the twinkling lights and soft flowers made the room look like a ballroom from some fairy tail. “It is, isn't it?” Roger sighed, I looked back at him and met his eyes. “First Veronica's wedding and now Chrissie, i just love weddings, they are so beautiful and Chrissie, she looks so amazing” i gushed about my friend as Roger twirled me around. I caught a glimpse of the bride and her groom as they danced around and just basked in each other's company. “Yeah, but our wedding will be ten times better,” Roger said. I whipped my head back so our eyes met again. My breath hitched in my throat as his words ran around my mind. “Ours?” I whispered, the dancing slowed as I was taking this moment in. “Yes ours, i love you Y/N, tomorrow let's go out and get you a ring, fit for a princess, then by this time next year you can be the one in the white dress and i can be the lucky guy who can forever call you his” He smiled sincerely at me. I felt tears prick at the corners of my eyes. “So what do you say?” Roger said almost nervously. “Yes you idiot, yes yes yes” I squealed , smashing my lips against his. 

The night flew by with dancing and drinking, but I couldn't suppress my smile and excitement. It was a miracle I didn't tell everybody of the promise Roger had made me on the dancefloor. As promised the next day Roger took me into the centre of London and to all of the highest end jewellery stores. I was so engrossed by the large diamonds, shiny bands of silver, platinum and gold. Roger had told me the sky was the limit and not to mind the price tag. Although he was standing next to me, a protective hand on my lower back guided me around the different stores as the different clerks tried to impress me with the different gems. My excitement had completely clouded my judgement that day and looking back, the hungover dishevelled man next to me was doing this for love but he wasn't as excited or engrossed as his newly found bride was. 

A shook my head to take me out of trance. I had absentmindedly started playing with the large diamond ring which i had chosen all those years ago. I crept down the hallway and peeked around the corner of the door to my daughters room. The girls had been softly sleeping for a while now, so angelic and peaceful. Their little minds are not yet tainted by the harsh realities of the world. I closed their door softly, ensuring not to wake them as I made my way downstairs and put the kettle on. The clock at the other side of the kitchen stared at me, it was only nine meaning it was one in San Diego where Queen were on their latest tour. And I have not even received a call today. I should have felt hurt but after not hearing from him and having to explain to the girls that daddy was far away and they wouldn't be able to talk to him, no matter  see him for a long long time. How do you explain to a three year old that daddy wouldn’t always be around for them? My youngest wouldn’t know any better but still it was the principle of it all. 

As soon as the kettle clicked I poured the boiling water into my coffee granules and basked in the smell of the burnt beans. I always knew falling in love, marrying and having a family with a rockstar was a risky move but I thought I was strong enough to do it. Oh how naive I was. I always knew deep deep down that the music and the fans would always come first. Which i can't blame him for, but having three girls at home waiting for him, well he would rather be on that stage than with us, the ones he's meant to love. I always wanted a big house, a white picket fence, kids, a loving husband, a ladies group to hang around with and nice cars. And I had it all, all but the loving husband part, that part now just seemed like a fantasy, a silly dream. 

The reality was I had everything most girls could want. In a materialistic kind of way. I had the mansion, the land, the cars, the designer labels, bags, and most importantly I had the ring. I had the one thing so many girls in this world wanted, a ring from the infamous Roger Taylor. But these things don't mean anything, spending time with the girls and your wife should be the most important thing in a man's life, it's just a shame he cannot see that.all of this, the pictures in the press, the obnoxious country house, every little detail of our and the girls life being pushed out there for others, it was all about him. He never cared which flowers we would have at the wedding, or what colour to paint the nursery, spending time to put up Christmas decorations or having a regular date night. From the day we met he only cared about one thing. 

Himself. 

[shatteredinkglass]

What I think about Bendy: Campus Crush

So... I watched the April Fools video for Bendy: Campus Crush, and I'm having conniptions.

On the one hand, I love the idea of a Bendy story taking place in a modern-like era. On the other hand, some of the character designs are making my brain go into a million different directions on what the plot would actually be.

First off: What do I think about the characters.

Audrey: She looks like a completely different person. And I get it's supposed to be "anime-like", but I just see it as mid.

Henry: Literally looks like somebody's Henry design before we got Henry's ACTUAL appearance in Bendy and the Dark Revival. I actually DO like it, but I think they could have made him a LITTLE bit older looking.'

Boris: Just... WHY? I mean I get it, he's a wolf, and it's accurate, but THIS is one of the things that have been giving me conniptions! Like, are humans and beastkin (what I call human-like animals) living together in harmony or is this a werewolf situation? Plus... Is this Buddy or Tom? If it's Buddy, I'm going to rage. If it's Tom... Will still rage but have a lesser amount.

Sammy: Oh my god... He ACTUALLY looks good AND accurate. I WANT the REAL Sammy to have this outfit in the next real game. But he's also been giving me conniptions! Like... Is he just a theater kid who wears the mask to be mysterious or does he have some kind of facial disfiguration like Susie and uses the mask to hide it?

Joey: He looks like if he was back in his war days. No, I'm serious. Not only does he look like he kind of has his life together, but he's probably a lot happier too.

Susie/"Ms. Angel": I HATE it. It just looks like they just took some of Twisted Alice's disfiguration and slapped it on a random anime girl they found on the internet.

Bendy: I do like this one, but the horns are a LITTLE bit too big. Size them down a bit and you should be good.

Ink Demon: I had chills when I first saw him. But in a GOOD way. Looking at him reminded me of the early days of DDLC when Monika was ACTUALLY scary.

Allison: Same argument I made about Audrey but a bit more mid. She looks like an elementary student but I still do care about her. Don't see her as romanceable though.

Wilson: NO. Just NO. Get him off this campus. I do NOT want him anywhere near me or the others.

Next: The plot.

Now THIS is what's been keeping me up at night, but I think I have some kind of idea.

First, this is a female Y/N story, meaning you either have a default name or put in your own name.

And I know what you're thinking.

"Why would you immediately assume the Y/N is female?"

Well, considering the actual Bendy series takes place in the 60s and 70s, the LGBTQ representation wasn't exactly THERE back then, so of course the MC would be female.

Second, this is going to be a loop story, kind of like what DDLC did. Basically this means you're going to go through each romance path once until you get the true ending.

Like for example, you go through Henry's path, but at the end you either die or get corrupted by a certain someone, then you go back at the beginning, but you will not be able to romance him anymore.

Once you go through Boris', and Sammy's paths, you'll be able to get to the true ending which is the Ink Demon. That one I'll explain in a bit.

Third, Bendy and Audrey are your guides. You don't assume anything at first, thinking Bendy's just some hallucination the MC's mind created, but you find out that Audrey and everyone else can see him too. Also, they stay by your side after every loop until the true ending. I imagine him being the "little brother and big sister" characters to the MC that at first dislike them but end up seeing them like the siblings they never had.

Fourth, there is a matchmaking mechanic that will be used in the true ending. Basically, it means you have to get your former romanceables with people who ACTUALLY love them, like for example Henry with Linda and Boris with Allison.

Fifth, Wilson is the true antagonist. Let's face it, the guy's a villain through and through, no changing that. He'd basically pull the same act that he did on Audrey back in Revival on the MC by pretending to be on their side but in the end, he reveals he was the one killing the MC in every ending except the true ending.

Sixth, the "mystery" will be our MC trying to get their real memories back. Yes, I know. The "Amnesia" trope has been done to death but considering this is a loop story, I think it's warranted.

Seventh, the Ink Demon will be the real romance path in the true ending. This is because I believe the MC was the Ink Demon's future bride but on her wedding day Wilson ended up killing her. The Ink Demon then revived us but the first time we ended up with amnesia. After all the other paths are done, we then go down the Ink Demon's route that is basically the MC just falling in love with him all over again and we defeat Wilson for good.

These are my thoughts so far. For those who want to somehow make this a reality, you can use my this as some kind of guideline. Have a good day/night!

[trainingdummyrabbit]

homestuck x kny au

idea: John fucks up worse and so they all have to appearify some guys (the hashira + kamaboko squad) from 1915 to correct this. Shenanigans ensue, like, Genya attempting to do some ✨Ectobiology✨ and getting angry at a computer (he doesn’t get how it works) and he somehow causes the thing to EXPLODE. and that causes some more shit to happen.

thoughts?

long sighs. yeah i asked for this i guess. under the cut, its Long.

[deep inhale] so. im assuming youre talking about "fucking up" re: the whole ectobiology deal, in that somehow things didnt go quite right and it went all sideways. im going to have to cheat a little and modify the setup a bit due to the Mortifying Ordeal Of Homestuck Lore and say that rather than ectobiology-ing themselves and their alpha versions, we instead geeetttt.... lets see. we'll just go with tan-nez-zen-ino. because this cast is already so goddamn tangled and i dont want to add 10+ more of them KJFNDK;; do not ask me about the deeper ramifications of ectobiology, i promised myself that i would never do that again about 5 years ago at this point. anyway.

we're going to pretend like this doesnt completely unravel literally everything going on (this is (probably) a doomed timeline just on account of existing btw. nice going hero.) re: time shenanigans and event loops. and then we'll assume pretty much everything goes the same re:cascade and the scratch and sessionhopping. its already a goddamn mess so im going to allow myself to have a little fun.

you are one (1) Tanjiro Kamado, member of the demon slayer corps. your job is the eradication of Demons, entities of various appearances and skillsets that ravage the lives of everyday civilians. while most are weak enough to take care of singlehandedly, some of them cause horrific amounts of collateral damage before being able to get under control-- and your family unfortunately was one of these cases. your little sister Nezuko miraculously survived, but not without injury. you hope that with your efforts you will be able to help provide for her to help her recover, and keep this from happening to anyone else ever again.

thankfully, demons seem to disperse into various materials when slain, but their seemingly endless number seems to be taking a hold on even the most staunchly determined slayer. your companion Zenitsu oftentimes works himself into hysterics over how you all are "going to be stuck here for the rest of your short, miserable lives," but Inosuke, another ally, just seems to be having a great time fighting these things off.

one day, your quartet individually stumbles upon strange devices youve never seen before-- projecting images of light and seemingly directing you to do... something? its not very clear, but between their appearance and the manifestation of strange patterns of light in the sky, you have a feeling it may be A Little Important.

...anyway, you get the gist. its sburb, build and avoid a huge fuckoff meteor, we've all been there, i dont need to explain. ill just bulletpoint out the rest from here.

Tanjiro - Prospit Dreamer, Heir of Time. Nezuko - Derse Dreamer, Maid of Blood. Zenitsu - Derse Dreamer, Page of Doom. Inosuke - Prospit Dreamer, Thief of Breath.

Originally not supposed to be active at all, Nezuko worked in secret to try and help her brother out in the field. Even if he worried about her, this was Her choice and Her decision to make. She didn't want to just sit and watch on the sidelines anymore. Unbeknownst to the rest of the squad until after they entered the medium, she functioned as a mystery fourth player, completing the loop.

and then theres the whole verse-intersection thing and the complications of Time Loops and [waves hands around wildly.] im gonna admit, this is about all i got in me about this, the hs timeline is a poorly wound ball of yarn that i do not want to tug too many strings of, etc etc. definitely went super off-script, its whatever. i spent like an hour looking at classpecting info and detangling the implications of a new cast of players interacting with a shoddily closed timeloop. iam allowed to make it messy.

[long exhale] . never ask me to do this again. bows.

[vivataurus]

Welp.. it's been a whole year since I've written these personal tidbits on the Vampire Hunter D series, and I've finally gotten around to rereading/ finishing the fourth book: Tale of the Dead Town. Here it goes..

So the beginning of the story plays out very movie-like. Lots of action and confusion... mysterious characters that you know are important, but you just can't put your finger on what roles they play in the plot.

What stood out the most to me in this book (compared to only the 3 other books I've read) is how much detail the technology is described and explained. I mean, a whole ass hovering town robotically moving through the frontier was wicked cool to imagine. Like a souped-up version of Howl's moving castle lol. The way the town ran, their maintenance, control, defenses, and construction played such a big part in this plot and I actually loved every bit of it.

Of course there's always some vampire afoot terrorizing townsfolk in the D series.. but the actual construction of the town itself playing a role in the plot as well as the expanded world building made the book so much more enticing to read. You got to see the level of medicine humanity has come by to unimaginably heal things like radiation poisoning and inbreeding. You also got to see the level of hatred and fear of dhampirs coming from the sheltered townsfolk. With that being said, it blends the same old shit/social constructs a small town comes with and 10000 years of technological evolution.

It was absolutely terrifying comparing the rising number of vampires terrorizing this secluded moving town from the beginning of the book to the end. But damn ... for the whole town to turn into mindless vampires in the end was alarming! The Mayor fucked up big time with his little experiments. I should've probably known given the title is called "tale of the dead town" lol

The characters were absolutely wonky, and maybe I might just be dumb. I knew Pluto VIII was iffy especially with how much the author described his oscillating character and almost night and day mood swings. But the whole time I was so suspicious of Dr. Tsurugi! My brain just couldn't trust him, and maybe it was the fact he was so competitive with D and how skilled/strong he was with karate? Idk. But never did I imagine Pluto VIII having to do with Lori's family's murder or even more so that he would team up with the madman mayor to find the plans on how to make humans into nobles without losing their humanity. All just for some coin. To top it off, even after all his secret misdeeds he took such care of Lori throughout the whole book; even when he took over her body! I really think the author just wanted us to think of him as strange guy and neither love or hate him.

It gave me such a relief to figure out what Tsurugi's deal was with D; and even more so finding out that it had to do with Doris and her brother. The two were well and thriving, and that Doris wouldn't pay the doctor's advances mind because her heart still longed for D. I fricking love Doris and her bro. It was also nice that the doctor kinda got paired with another strong girl like Lori, (the female lead of this book) who not only became deaf and mute through radiation in the beginning of the story, but found more of her purpose to help people while struggling with her new disabilities.

Overall I really enjoyed this book, although it took me forever to get back into. The end of the book is where the plot moves fast, and has you at the edge of your seat!

VHD 4 Rating: 7.5/10

[blorbosexterminator]

BERLIN TEASER looks like Emily in Paris but male version.

It's just fucked up you know. The whole new cast of characters and the plot. Nobody can argue with me on that one. Unless they magically changes the whole theme and vibe.

I mean... I want it DARK.

First. I would like to see the history of hermanos. Andres-Sergio. There's so much to this stories. How they reunited. How angry Andres when he found out about the whole thing. Showing us some father/brother-son bond between them. Show us some soft domestic Andres. Show us some Angsty, touching, fluffy story between the hermanos that worth crying all night.

It'd be told in Andres POV. (Doesn't need narration, depends on the directing style). And

I think (from my study, research, and deep analyzing) Sergio's illness might have been mentally too, there are some deep dark secrets that are kept between Andres and Sergio, that somehow only few people knew about it. (Martin DEFINITELY knew). You can definitely feel THAT (mysterious secretive tale) vibe around those two. There's so many hints that lead to that mystery back in lcdp.

Second. I would like to see how good and SMART Andres is at education and his profession (a thief)... Since they kept on hinting that part in lcdp. This include MARTIN also. Martin's genius mind is a mystery and I like to explore it.

Third. I would like to see how ANDRES rises to be the KING of thieving. And thrives in the criminal world... Because Andres is a proud criminal. I wanna see SOME BADASS GANGSTA MURDERING EVIL DEMON ANDRES. BRING IT TO ME!!!!

THE SATANIC SILENT KILLER but loving (not abusive towards his loved ones; friends, brother, wife). I would love to see a criminal who is EVIL but kind to his loved ones ONLY. GIVE ME THAT. Give me ANDRES who killed a holy man. Give me ANDRES who killed a man with a pen. Give me ANDRES who killed people just by looking at them. This will explain the tilte BERLIN. He is a sweet Devil in disguised.

Fourth. THE ROMANCE. Give me Andres who married woman. Give me Andres who questions himself. Give me the dark side of him. Give me the EVIL BASTARD AND THE LOVING HUSBAND. Give me confused Andres. Give me sad Andres. Give me BERLERMO.

I'm not talking about cheesy romance like fucking, sucking, and done. I'm talking about...

The NOIR, HIGH CLASS romance.

Staring, longing, yearning, accidental/intentional touching, tension, awkwardness, rival of domination.

Give me the angst, the horror, the suspense, give me the comedy, the happy, the satisfying scenes of these two.

Give me the LONGING of making love and feel it. Give me the break up of a friendship (which will kill us all), give me the regrets, the frustration, and the forgiveness, and the reunions.

Give me all the feels and i'm gonna make a milkshake out of these emotions.

Give me a love story that tested by time and death.

This also include the bromance of the trio. SAD that the most potential friendship between Martin and Sergio is not explored enough. I wanna see THEM. UGH

Fifth. Give me the GOOD STORIES about the characters and the robberies..with all the genres. Enough said.

Sixth. The closing of the series. Give me a GREAT BREATHAKING ENDING (doesn't need to be Angsty, or happy. Just floating like... The ending was in the middle and yet almost the end of the friendship which we already knew what will happend, and yet the scene were them dancing or singing, or eating together) and then the end.

I hope that Pina realized the potential of this story and characters. Because this kind of story is rare, unique, authentic, one of a kind.

I just wish at least we will or can see something like this. Because its never made into movies or tv shows that tell stories like them. 🥲

I hope Pina is not stupid and blind.

I'm sorry if I rant this too long. I must explain im diagnosed with BPD and ADHD, that's why I took it personally and intensely on another level. 🙏🏻🙏🏻 i'm afraid if you'd get offended by my ranting here. Even when I still have so much to say.

I still have hope despite everything. 🥲🥲 they're all great actors.

You're right anon, haha. Berlín is just the male version of Emily in Paris. You unlocked the mystery. We'll have four seasons of Andrés getting in love triangles and trying different outfits, in Paris.

Can't say I disagree with you! But unfortunately, Pina decided that we want to see a Romantic Comedy in Paris, so that's what we're kidding. BUT Pina has always shifted easily between genres, so we could still get some darker elements, don't lose hope!