#family fun Yorkshire

[yourlocalabomination]

Hi I’m that anon from a while ago, (the white rose (which is actually better than red rose so)) and I have to wonder if you had an opinion on what the worst uk accent is (if it’s Yorkshire, you have to be specific on what part of Yorkshire or I won’t consider your opinion/j)

(This whole thing is lighthearted btw)

I’m going to be completely honest I genuinely don’t have an opinion on Uk accents. Like…Im just indifferent lol.

[a-b-riddle]

Okay, but Simon marrying an Indian girl…

Hear me out, okay???

He is a man who, before meeting his girl, had a very mundane life. A gray life, lacking color and warmth. No family outside of work. So when he wasn't deployed, he was alone.

And it’s assumed he’s someone who wants to be left alone, but then he gets thrust into this huge family…. And it’s like breathing again.

Relatives coming to stay with them for several weeks? No worries he has plenty of room. He’s the only fun uncle of the group who never gets tired of entertaining the kids. There is always something going on. Birthdays, holidays. Puja that his mother-in-law insists on doing over FaceTime whenever she’s not in the country.

Trading his Yorkshire tea for Chai.

Who doesn’t mind talking to his mother-in-law over the phone when his wife had her fill. Who is absolutely on board with starting on giving her grandkids.

Simon who never had so much as a birthday cake growing up, now gets his own boxes of homemade barfi and mysore pak. And even though his wife isn’t too found of cooking, he could eat her maggi everyday for the rest of his life.

The only thing in his entire marriage he doesn’t like, in fact hates, is when she fasts. Not in general. But for his health. The first year of marriage when Karva Chauth came up, he figured it was like Diwali or Holi. But when she explained she won’t eat until the moonrises, he wasn’t having it. He swore he hadn’t died yet and she could risk it. The next day he ordered enough take out, it lasted them three days breakfast, lunch and dinner.

Simon who learns how to help his wife pin her saree in place when her mother around to help.

Simon who begins to have a life in his 30s. Who laughs more and smiles often.

Who is thankful everyday that he got out of the gray.

[mercurygray]

So I Hear You Liked...World War Two Dramas

What's that? You said you wanted a World War Two series where women actually speak to each other? Have I got a deal for you!

When Band of Brothers first came out, I did not have cable, but what I did have was a card at a library that owned seemingly every PBS drama ever broadcast. I know and love a lot of these shows, and I hope you do, too.

As we wait for Masters of the Air to join us, maybe you can fill some time with one of these!

Classic: These shows were made in the 70s and 80s and while the production values are not the same as something made more recently, they're all fun to watch.

Danger UXB - daily life in a bomb disposal unit.

Dad's Army - comedy show about the Home Guard.

Hogan's Heroes - situational comedy about life in a POW camp.

Piece of Cake - follows British pilots stationed in France as the Phony War begins.

Homefront Perspectives:

✨Housewife, 49 - Based on the wartime diary of Nella Last, who participated in the Mass Observation project. One of my favorites.

✨Foyle’s War - procedural crime drama following DCS Foyle and hsi team as he solves murders in wartime Britain. Another favorite.

Island at War - Wartime life on the Channel Islands during the German occupation

Land Girls - Follows the lives of a group of Land Girls working on an estate farm.

Bomb Girls - Follows the lives of a group of workers in a Toronto munitions factory.

Home Fires - Life in a small British town near an air base. Based on a book.

World On Fire - Follows the disparate lives of several people in several countries as the war begins.

✨All Creatures Great and Small - The life of Yorkshire Vet James Herriot, based on the book series of the same title. A favorite, both the 1970s original and the 2020 version.

A French Village - Daily life in a French village is upended as the Germans invade. Follows the same village through the entire war.

My Mother and Other Strangers - An Irish village deals with the introduction of an American Air Force base.

Colditz - life in one of the war's most infamous POW camps. Features Damian Lewis!!

Atlantic Crossing - the life of Crown Princess Marta of Norway as she tries to advocate for her country while living in the United States.

The Halycon - Life in a posh London hotel during the 1940s

Spies and Science:

X Company - Canadian drama about life overseas for spies

Resistance - French wartime drama about a woman in the French underground movement

Restless - Postwar drama about a woman who spied for the Russians in England during the war.

✨Manhattan - If you liked Oppenheimer, have I got a show for you!! Follows the lives of several scientists and their families as they move to Los Alamos. A favorite.

✨The Heavy Water War - Norwegian/British operations Grouse and Gunnerside to destroy German heavy water plant. A favorite.

The Twelfth Man - Norwegian sabotage operation gets shot down in occupied Norway.

✨Generation War - German experience of war from variety of perspectives. This show is excellent. Everyone should watch this.

✨SAS: Rogue Heroes - Follows the foundation of a parachute regiment in North Africa that would eventually become the basis for Britain's commando units. A favorite.

Postwar:

A Place to Call Home - very soapy Australian post-war drama about an upperclass family.

Our Wonder Years - Follows three sisters in post-war Germany as they attempt to confront the past.

Tannbach - Follows a family whose German town is split in two along the new East-West border.

The Defeated - Crime drama following a policeman trying to find his brother in post-war Berlin

Small Island- a Jamaican woman moves to London after the war and tries to adjust to a country that doesn't want her there

Call the Midwife - Social drama in the 1960s addressing the health and lives of the post-war poor of London.

[sn0wp1anets]

observations about joel (mostly speech stuff) and interactions with others bc ive been hyperfixated since the beginning of time (also theres alot of bs commentary im sorry)

general stuff:

very very british like extremely british

'bloody' and 'blooming' ALOT - when he's annoyed or shocked or offended (im gonna call this his pseudo swearing for the rest of this for convenience)

instead of very he says 'well' sometimes (e.g. "this bloody pico park music is well annoying) and "absolutely"

instead of really he says 'proper' sometimes so "stress is proper northern" etc

instead of 'i haven't' he says "i've not"

he gives an explanation for basically everything he does and instead of because he says 'as' alot

'to be honest' "i bloody hate woodwork to be honest" (sometimes he says 'to be honest with you' too)

'innit' occasionally "it's like waterslide innit"

'like so'

'by the look of it'

he gets irritated really easily - "for goodness sake" and he'll start cutting himself off alot "this bloody-" and also his voice gets much more high pitched and his pseudo swearing gets way more frequent. also 'blooming heck'

(and also this isn't super relevant but when he gets mad all his friends start commenting on it and its the funniest thing- in the overcooked stream as soon as he starts getting annoyed everyones like 'oh here he is')

i didn't know if i should put this in a specific section but he says 'babe' alot - not just to lizzie but to jimmy like ALOT and also in general - i'll talk about this a bit more later tho !

pauses alot: in between words/phrases, and also before he answers questions (this is not as often but also if he wants someone to stop him- he was playing scrabble and was basically asking if someone could spell out vagina so he was slowly going 'and a g....and an i...and a n...' etcetc idk this isnt relevant i just thought it was worth mentioning)

he's kinda an oversharer 😭 ? (this is lh hes 31 im sure he shares what he thinks is appropriate) but at any given moment he starts giving details about his life- a kinda memorable example of this is in mcc26(?) when w*lbur made fun of his accent so he started telling a story about his grandfather and giving alot of details about him after he said he couldnt talk too much about it AND grian begged him to stop

repeats things (especially when he's annoyed) : "game's a bloody joke. game's a bloody joke"

he basically never says 'oh my god' its always 'oh my gosh' or 'oh gosh' sometimes its 'oh jesus'

his voice is generally higher pitched and more expressive in videos than in streams but this is more of a general cc thing than a specific joel thing

very confident in his builds (AS HE SHOULD BE !!!) and he'll share his thoughts alot : "i think it's come together really well" "lovely" "i'm really happy with it/with how it's turned out" etcetc

when he narrates he uses a mixture of 'I' and 'We'. what i've noticed is he uses I for his thoughts ("i feel like" "i think") and we for everything else ("we need" "we're quite high in the sky" etc)

'genuinely'

'what (are) you on about'

'what the heck'

he will say very random (kind of odd) things just out of nowhere as if its normal and he'll only realize it's weird when someone questions it? e.g. the mumbo trauma dumping bit in SL, or in one of jimmy's streams he said 'until i get back to the hotel if yk what i mean' and jimmys like 'i dont' and joel just goes 'idk either'

accent stuff:

it's really recognizable idk what to say

very northern: hes from yorkshire - his accent used to be stronger in his old videos but you can definitely still hear it (like its still super different from grian or like mumbo idk)

his 'th' sounds come out as 'f' (idk if this is an accent thing or a joel thing but he's talked about it and said his family members have it too)

again not sure if this is an accent or joel thing but when he says any word with 'con' he says it kinda differently- it's hard to describe but for example when most people say convention the 'on' sound is more like a 'un' sound? whereas with joel its very much an 'o' sound like in 'box' or 'coffee' (genuinely have no idea how else to explain it but in phonetic symbols- joel essentially never says /ʌ/ it's almost always /ɒ/ when its a 'con' word)

jimmy-

NICKNAMES !!! 'jim' is used alot - more than anyone else and one of the only people who calls him this. hes used 'mr neutron' too (idk how many times'

(he also doesnt actually say tim/timmy often and when he does its exclusively when grian is present)

typical british male friendship nicknames: 'lad' 'big man'

when he joins jimmy's stream he always says hi in a very dramatic way?? usually with a pretty deep voice (idk this is just something i noticed)

he calls him a loser alot?

(this might be more of a bad boys point) but joel is generally not that mean to jimmy? definitely he's meaner than he was a few years ago but that makes sense because they weren't as close but. he'll call him a loser and stupid/idiot sometimes but his main 'bullying jimmy' momentsare usually always when he's with someone else (usually grian, sometimes fwhip)

'what are you doing jimmy' or sometimes 'what are you doing with your life'

lizzie:

'babe' like all the time. once lizzie mentioned that they don't even really use each other's names alot because they just say 'babe' all the time

oli:

ok so joel really doesn't use that much like modern internet language but oli does and then joel will pick up on it (its cute but also horrifying sometimes)- he kept saying 'dogs' in reference to feet after oli said it

they flirt alot but differently to how he does with jimmy (hes more passive whereas with jimmy he initiates it more idk how else to describe it)

he calls him 'man' sometimes

he's also really giggly around oli theyre adorable

(tbh theres so much more to say about oli and lizzie but idk if i have the energy and time for like 10+ years of interactions rn - and honestly alot more for everyone else too but like.)

grian:

in general joel picks up on people's energy etc and mimics it alot but it happens so much with grian specifically - this sounds very weird but the more time he spends with grian in one go the more he starts to act like grian (especially with interactions with jimmy)

[gentlebeardsbarngrill]

07/01-02/2024 Daily OFMD Recap

TLDR; Gizmo Darby; Rhys Darby; Taika Waititi; Vico Ortiz; Kristian Nairn; Samba Schutte; Adopt Our Crew Charity Raffle Results; Teal Oranges & Garlic Soup Week ; Fan Spotlight: Cast Cards; Never Left Podcast; Our Flag Means Fanfiction; Love Notes; Daily Darby/Today's Taika

== Gizmo Darby ==

Rhys has been active posting about Gizmo on Facebook!

Source: Rhys Darby's Facebook Stories

== Rhys Darby ==

MORE TURAL commercials! Please don't stop Rhys, these are so much fun.

== Taika Waititi ==

Taika out cooking with Andy Hearnden!

Source: FloodyWastaken's Instagram

== David Jenkins ==

Okay so this isn't exactly a Chaos Dad Sighting, but it IS a sighting of David and Kinga's new pup SimoneLeBone.

Source: David Jenkins Instagram

== Kristian Nairn ==

Some more shots of Kristian from his trip to Yorkshire Comic Con

Source: stuwhittaker_photography Instagram

== Jes Tom ==

Some shots of Jes at their show Corporate Pride!

Source: Jes Tom's Instagram

== Vico Ortiz ==

Guess who's coming to Florida Supercon 2024? You guessed it! Vico! It'll happen in Miami Beach, FL, July 12-14, 2024. To buy tickets, visit: floridasupercon.com

Source: Vico Ortiz' Instagram

== Samba Schutte ==

Guess who else is going to be at Florida SuperCon? Samba! Once again, it'll be at Miami Beach, FL, July 12-14, 2024. To buy tickets, visit: floridasupercon.com

Source: Samba Schutte's Instagram

== Adopt Our Crew Raffle Winners ==

Adopt Our Crew's Charity Raffle Winners have been pulled! Wanna see if you've won? Visit any of @adoptourcrew's socials! Tumblr / Instagram / Twitter

Source: AdoptOurCrew Tumblr

== Teal Oranges & Garlic Soup Week ==

I ran out of image space last issue but I wanted to highlight some more fabulous work-- this time check out @watercolourcritters and their fun and adorable submissions for @garlicsoupweek! I absolutely adore the sweet tenderness in each drawing. I also can't get over the awkward family photo, it made my day <3 Feel free to check them out over on their tumblr or Instagram | Etsy | Tip Jar!

Source: @watercolourcritters Tumblr

== Fan Spotlight ==

= Cast Cards =

The darling @melvisik gave us yet another fantastic crew member tonight, Nancy Hennah! She's also an "Emmy submission (Outstanding Period or Fantasy/Sci-Fi Make Up for Calypso's Birthday) P.S. Did not know she and Ra were married!" Also, thank you to @xray-vex for mentioning, she's the fantastic crew member that brought Ed's Tattoos to life!

Source: Melvisik's Twitter

= Never Left Podcast =

Episode 24 is out! This week they're talking about Ed and Physical Touch! Check them out on Spotify or at on their https://linktr.ee/neverleftpodcast!

Source: Never Left Podcast Instagram

= Our Flag Means Fanfiction =

New mini episode of Our Flag Means Fanfiction - this time Murders at the Inn by ahopelessnecromantic! Read by Carly Heath. You can find it on your favorite listening platform on their https://linktr.ee/ofmff!

Source: Our Flag Means Fanfiction Instagram

== Loves Notes ==

Hey there lovelies. It's been a rough couple days for everyone, everyone I talk to is either not sleeping or having a bit of a rough time of it. Please remember to get some rest. Take a break, drink some water, step away from the computer, and go outside for a while. If you can, sit in the sun for a few minutes, take your shoes off and run them through some grass. Remember that the world is still turning, and it is lovely, and it is beautiful, and so are you.

Take care of yourselves lovelies <3

Some love notes from thelatestkate:

Source: The Latest Kate's Tumblr

== Daily Darby / Today's Taika ==

Just a reminder one of the reasons we love this show. Those smiles <3 Today's gif courtesy of @livelovecaliforniadreams!

[zilabee]

Just stumbled on this brilliant post over on Meet The Beatles For Real. It's a german article in Bravo Magazine interviewing the women that worked at Apple. The wonderful keeper of mtbfr then typed the whole lot out and google translated it into english - all love to her for the wonderful work she does on that site.

I've not copied all of it over here, just my favourite bits... but that is most of the bits.

Janet Lumley - Kitchen maid (16) I have been cooking for the Beatles for half a year.   It is fantastic.   I cook just as carefully for the four of them as I do for my own family. John is the pickiest, he is vegetarian. Paul is the hungriest and has even brought his plate back to tell us how good it tasted to him.

Sally Burgess - Press Secretary (21) John, Paul, George and Ringo only have young, funny and talented people around and it flatters me to be a part of it. Although we work hard, the atmosphere is casual and fun, better than any other company in the world. And every day something new happens.  You must learn to quickly adapt to any situation. Once however, it even became too much for me and I just crawled under my desk.

Debbie Wellum - Receptionist (20) I have decided that I have the most exciting Apple job. I have to catch all the teenagers who want to speak to my bosses.  Recently, a group of Italian scouts were here, all of whom claimed to be cousins ​​of George Harrison.  But I didn’t fall for such a dirty trick.  I wouldn’t trade in my bosses for anyone else in the world, even if they had really had so many cousins!

Sally Reed - Secretary (20) I've been a Beatle fan before I started here eight months ago. The four are no longer for me, but I've learned to respect them as businessmen and superiors. I work in the production department; the Beatles are always nice and easy going, even if everything else is wobbling around them. They have a professional attitude which is a very different attitude to these things than a normal human; sometimes I wish I could have some of that.

Dee Meehan - Assistant (25) I have to listen to all the tapes that are sent to the Beatles from people who want to make a career out of music.   A tough job, but whoever has worked in the pop industry, knows what is going on, especially if you have the Beatles as bosses. Paul is the best; he always knows exactly what he wants. George and Ringo are always nice and polite, but sometimes John gets on my nerves. But he has improved a lot recently.

Amanda Hull - Tea cook (39) I am responsible  for tea and coffee, which  is used a lot with us, because Apple is a hospitable house. In a little chamber, I have a two burner stove, on which is always a pot of water and a pot of coffee standing. The tea is always fresh, otherwise it will be bitter. With Paul, I make sure that he does not get too much sugar. This is not good for his future children.

Linda Bristow - Assistant Publisher (22) I work for Apple music publishing. Of course I'm a Beatles fan, but I do not fall into a swoon every time they come through the door. Just to be a fan is not enough for a job at Apple. There is plenty to do and you have to know something too. But as for us, we are paid well and have the best bosses in the world. My favourite boss is George. He is for me the most beautiful thing. But I cannot tell him - because he would be pissed.

Carol Padden - Press Secretary (23) Of course, I'm a Beatles fan. Who isn’t? It's easy to work for such pleasant, young handsome men instead of old thick, bad-tempered men who are constantly, trying to flirt with you. Such a thing does not exist in the Beatles.   I have never heard any girls complain that one of the Beatles had flirted with her!

Barbara Bennet - Secretary (24) My best experience with Apple was when Paul gave me a little Yorkshire terrier.  He had heard me gushing to a colleague about this breed, and a few days later he had one in tow. But once when I visited my friend Colin Peterson the terrier ran into the city by himself.  I never saw him again, although I'd put up a lot of ads.

[awheckery]

Nola Rose's Big Birthday Poll

This is Nola Rose:

She is my best girl, my babylove, my beloved little butt and my most precious evil eel, and in one week, she will be one year old!

Recently, I ordered her an Embark test, in the hopes of one day reuniting her with one of her siblings or other family members, and to maybe get an idea of what other health problems I could expect in the future.

I was not expecting any surprises on the breed front, because the rescue had Nola's original paperwork from her "breeders," indicating her mama was a brown Cocker Spaniel named Spruce, and her daddy was a registered blenheim Cavalier King Charles named Fellow. AND YET.

...and 7.2% something I did not expect at all. Full honesty, I don't see it, but maybe it explains a few things about her?

ANYWAY. For Nola's impending birthday, I thought it might be fun to survey other people, to see their best guesses at the third breed in Nola's genetic cocktail. I've pulled all poll options from an article on the most common breeds for Cavalier crosses, and additional photos and possible clues to her ancestry below the read more.

Psst, for folks coming back for the answer, check the pinned reblog!

Starting from the top, BABY PHOTOS, of Nola Rose and the two sisters the rescue picked up from the puppy mill auction.

That photo of Nola on the left was the photo in her Petfinder listing, the one I saw by accident in the middle of the night that made me fall in love with her immediately. I honestly have no idea how she was the last of her siblings left to be adopted, but I will never not be desperately grateful.

Maybe it was because she had the dramatic eyebrows and mutton chops of a civil war general, I can't say. In more recent photos, you can see that the eyebrows and bushy cheeks have subsided, but the insanely luxurious eyelashes remain.

Her color has darkened immensely since I brought her home in August. She used to be a much lighter sable, and fully blonde on the top of her head.

Speaking of which, sable isn't a breed standard color in either Cavaliers or Cockers, and her ridiculously long chin beard (which you won't see in any of her photos because I have her groomer trim it off) doesn't appear in those breeds either. Coincidence?

At just shy of a year, she's hopefully maxed out at 18 pounds, and she's unbelievably leggy, with an outrageously long body and the deep chest of a racing dog. (She's also fast as hell, good god.)

Her fur is unbelievably silky, save for a coarser ruff over her shoulders and trailing down her spine, and her cocker-fluff booty feathers. Her back end was trimmed down substantially before the above photo. Her tail might be the softest part of her, and I love how it's both silky and curly.

Behaviorally... she's. Something.

Nola has the strongest prey drive of any dog I've ever met, including that time we babysat a rat terrier mix named Ella The Killer. Nola's little heart is so full of murder that I have to close curtains so she won't hurt herself trying to break through the windows to get at bunnies. She is a grand champion at "breaking the necks" of her toys by way of viciously shaking them.

Nola likes to burrow! She tunnels under blankets, rugs and throw pillows, and her favorite way to sit On A People is between our legs when we're in recliners. She likes to feel confined. She also deeply enjoys being held, and she asks to be picked up by my father at least once a day, even tho she's perfectly capable of jumping into his lap by herself now.

She LOVES to lie in the sun until her little body is radioactively hot and her mouth smells like hot rotting garbage, which is actually extremely weird, because she's our second sable dog in a row to have solar-powered halitosis and I'm not above begging people for answers. If you have a dog that has especially stinky breath after they've been in the sun, indoors or out, please talk to me because I'm dying for answers.

Ahem. What else.

Nola is disturbingly smart, and has no concept of obedience, but an excellent grasp of the concept of naughtiness. She knows exactly which items in the house are Forbidden, and which ones will get our attention the quickest if she takes or otherwise threatens them. She also knows the names of most of her toys and can distinguish between them when she's feeling cooperative.

Her favorite way to wake me up when it's time for work is to jump up on my bed, pounce on me, and oh-so-gently bite the tip of my nose. (I know I shouldn't encourage it but it's so sweet I may die.)

She investigates new people by aggressively sniffing their eyes.

She is my tiny daughter with every disease, but despite her allergies, and her asthma, and her megaesophagus, and her subluxated hip, she is the happiest, most delightful little being in all the world.

I lov her.

[skippyangel16]

The Couple Next Door my thoughts…

Link here for a ‘real’ review from that neck of woods👇

👏👏👏

👆This just about sums it up for me, a real review from a real paper not a paid promo success piece from Hello or channel 4 blowing its own trumpet. If you google the series IBMd has it rated 5.2/10 at the moment of writing. (Saying something is brilliant does not make it so, unless you want to brainwash. Kenneth springs to mind taking a whole year+ to talk up Belfast so he would finally get that Oscar for the not so outstanding Belfast 🙄)

The Guardian Nov 2023 promo it as The couple next door a sexy fantastic time …4 stars but then by the 3rd Dec it’s no longer raving about it with an honest review.👇

https://www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/2023/dec/03/the-couple-next-door-channel-4-swingers-thriller-review-slow-horses-3-arena-being-kae-tempest-the-doll-fctory?CMP=share_btn_link Barbara Ellen exert from review 3 Dec 2023 still the guardian…

Exert from link above by Barbara Ellen..

Well for me TCND started off with a ‘OMG not again!’ for the opening shot. I said to hubby ‘I hate it when they do that!’. The second scene supposedly set in Leeds wtf? Why didn’t they find a more convincing housing estate…then (Sam) Danny picking up the washing machine…dear god it made me cringe and that’s just for starters!

Sam…I could not get past his ‘Yorkshire’ accent?… well he did his best, it came through well some of the time. It’s sad but production were aware they were not going to predominantly film in Yorkshire or substitute location with a suitable comparison so why the need for him to do a Yorkshire accent? They could have set this story anywhere. Why not let Sam do his normal Scottish accent ? Far more sexy! Bad decision imo.

I could go on…especially the ladies dress code for a casual UK BBQ, LMAO. For sure my neighbour and I need to up our game at our next one! Seductive dresses, tits out and heels on! Husbands can’t wait…🤣

Does it appear Sam was hired for his body?…absolutely! Is he typecast as the guy who does sex?…looks like it. If he wanted to up his stakes as a good actor imo this was not the project. Can he do chemistry with anyone but Caitriona?… barely, but this was his best effort so far. Sex scenes and build up no 🔥 for me. I found it more cringe so fast forward came into play. Seems Sam is okay with full nudity and grinding again so can’t wait for OL S8! No need for J&C sex scenes to be PG…

Continuity, script, direction, production…dear god did outlander do it?

Out of all the actors Jessica De Gouw (Becka) stood out with a consistent performance.

Gripping? Nah, wanted to give up many times but finally got past ep 3 and pace seemed to increase so eventually got to the end which was then suddenly abrupt.

I wanted to like it, but for me it was blah…should have been amazing! Fail is more down to script, direction and production, had a giggle most of the way through at the script and said wtf and why a lot? ….🤷‍♀️still they all had fun making it and got paid!

For those who thought it enjoyable and hot I am really pleased for you! Sex for sex sake came to my mind, script all over the place one minute quite good another that’s shit.

For me in the words of a true Yorkshire man…

Maybe if I had a couple of wines with the cheese and knew it was not going to be a quality drama but a cheesy soap it would have gone down better.

Strikes me his fate in life is to be an alcohol god, that’s his true path…acting gave him his wife and family and that’s all he needs from it. It appears it’s not in his destiny for it to do anything more than that…🤷‍♀️JMHO

So if you haven’t seen it and want to then I suggest lots of wine and lower your expectations to a tv movie or soap and you will probably enjoy it and think it’s better than it was…🤪

[popcornforone]

The Good, The Bad & The Naughty

A Dave York Fan Fic

Happy Dave York Saturdays people. Sorry this is a long one, I had intended on stopping at a certain point of writing this, & then I just got carried away. It’s another summer vibe fic this one (maybe a i need a master list for just the summer feel ones I write) but this would have not been possible if it wasn’t for @alwaysdjarin . They said something a few weeks ago linked to the topic in this gif & I took the idea & ran from there. Please go check out their fics especially Red, you will all love it. We share Dave between us.

This is not apart of my Dave York One Week With Series or the additional chapters, it’s just the man is so easy to write for.

Synopsis:- It’s a hot summers day & you can’t get your hosepipe to work, so your neighbour offers to help. You decide the man needs a really thorough thank you.

Word count: 7300

Warnings: DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE UNDER 18!DAVE YORK AS ALWAYS COMES WITH HIS OWN WARNING! PIV sex, shower Sex, out door pleasuring, Oral male receiving, swearing, alcohol, denying, teasing, being topless & naked outside, rough sex, choking, lots of dirty & controlling talk, sucking, biting, voyeurism, basically anything naughty you think you & Dave might do… it happens.

Thanks as always for the read peoples. All feedback is always appreciated. Enjoy Dave . Sorry not sorry.

The summer heatwave can jog on. It’s got too hot now. Far too hot. & that’s saying something because you adore the heat. Putting on your sun tan lotion, catching the rays, having an ice pop. Oooh it’s your season girl. It’s hot girl summer & you want to flaunt it in your garden of your new suburban house you’ve just purchased.

Being single means you get to have fun, & you make sure to have lots of it & try out everything this world has to offer, male or female. But there are times when you need a partner or someone to share your life with. For when you can’t reach the top shelf or the extender for the attic. First world struggles you always say to yourself & you wait for when you father is going to pop over for him to help with a few jobs you just can’t do on your own.

Emergency’s only, you’ve told yourself before calling your dad. You know he will roll his eyelids at you if you call him for help with a hose pipe to fill up your paddling pool for you to dip your feet in & later lay in to cool off after an afternoon of catching the sun. It was over priced, you know it was, but it’s covered by your summer bonus you got at the start of June for all the commission you made. Plus your dog Scruff, the Yorkshire terrier, will love it to cool of in. Pup cups & frozen dog food he has been loving. He’s currently in the shade sitting on the coolmatt in the kitchen, not even attempting to come out side. He must think that his human is mad. It’s a justified purchase when you say it’s for your baby.

There is someone who’s very tempted to come outside though. Your recently separated neighbour. A house that when you moved in 5 months ago was filled with kids playing & laughing. Now this only happens at the weekend, or it was replaced by screaming from the couple. You’ve always been nice to them & they welcomed you to the neighbourhood before splitting up. He is devilishly handsome, so you can see why a wife might be jealous of other women’s affections to her husband, & that might be why she’s taken the kids. The house next door may look like a happy family home, but that just not how the Yorks work, especially Dave.

Dave can see you struggling untangling your hose pipe for your paddling pool, from the safety of his upstairs bedroom window, completely naked after his shower to cool down from his work out, contemplating what to wear today. He is wondering how well you would handle his own length. Your hands delicately grasping it, making sure it firm & steady. You’ve conversed a few times but it was seeing you in the spring almost swallow a hot dog hole that made his eyes go wide. How slack can her jaw go? Is her oral going to be as good as that? Dave shakes his head but then glances back at the garden & the state of you. Mermaid shorts & a tie up binkini top. He’s been staring long enough, he can see that he needs to calm down. He knows it’s time to act on his instincts & enjoy you for a glorious afternoon in the sun. It’s time for him to put on something appropriate, which can easily have you staring at him, & make you want to beg for him.

You are so lost in trying to fit the adjustable hose pipe nozzle, that you don’t hear him walk from his house, down the garden & lean on the fence.

“Need a hand?” The words startle you & you drop the hose pipe. He’s leaning on the fence with a large icey water bottle, still in a shirt but there’s clearly some buttons are undone. His tone always so deep & seductive, even on your first meeting you thought there was something very sexy & gravely about his voice.

“Ooh hi Dave” you reply, tucking your hair flirtingly behind your ear. “Erm don’t think so, I think I’ve got this” you say keeping eye contact with him, fumbling about for the hose you just dropped. At hearing Daves voice, Scruff has run down the garden & started doing zoomies & barking.

“Hey scruff,” He leans over the fence seeing the dogs excited tail wag. You smile as you see Daves face light up even more. Dave sometimes works nights & you always know when he’s back, Scruff hears the car arrive & looks out for the man who brings him cheese. He always has some in his pocket.

You return to putting your hose pipe together, & you just hear Dave tut. Without looking you also know he’s shaking his head.

“Well I can either come help, or laugh at your struggle” Dave says, without looking you can sense the smirk, it’s such a devious & sexy smirk. You look at him with a face like thunder, but you’d also quite like to get everything ready.

“Well how long do you want me to struggle with this?”

“Until you’re begging for me…” oooh it sounds so seductive when he says that. His deep tones, & gruffness. You look up slightly & see the mischief in his dark brown eyes, maybe this is why he’s separated, just his words make women weak for him. He can see how red you turn & it’s not just from the heat.

“Then come help me then Dave, please. I may be a strong independent woman, but every now & then…” you pause wondering if you can play him back at his own game. He is always such a charmer & you’re decent too, but not at his levels. But you go for it “…I need a man to sort me out. To grab the situation & make sure it’s looked after correctly” you raise a smug eyebrow at him which he does his own, until you bite your bottom lip. That flusters him slightly.

“Well as you asked so nicely & I can’t not help out a damsel in distress…” Dave walks through the gate of his backgarden to the path & then unhooks yours. You look him up & down because you can’t help but stare. His light pink shorts have a Shark & octopus designs on them, which cling to his skin. The outline being shown for all to see. The blue shirt is undone for all but 2 buttons, a cheeky nipple on display. He looks beach ready & you know when he arrives there, if that is where he is venturing today, every single person at the beach would stop to look at this glorious mountain of a man, & all are probably wondering like you, if these are just swim shorts or not.

Dave notices your longer glance, he knows what you’re thinking. He has his own needs that he would like to be satisfied as well but he just casually walks across to you & firmly grabs the hose pipe, his hands holding it in a grasp that would be used for pleasure.

“Right let’s have a look at this” he doesn’t make eye contact with you, & you’re grateful. You’re aroused by the way he’s taken charge & has come over to be a man of the house for you, as he twists the nozzle to free the small bit of plastic that has been stopping you getting this on so far. It drops out & you shake your head.

“I should have seen that there was a second piece, I removed the first” you feel stupid but Dave doesn’t mock you.

“It’s okay, it will be fine, don’t go getting your knickers in a twist” he says before his mind then wonders. Are your bottoms under those shorts also tied up like your bikini top? His thumb will make easy work of those knots & he will be sucking on your breasts for all his worth with just a few motions, watching you rive in his lap. He shakes his head trying to get the vivid image out of his head.

But then Daves fantasy thought is completely interrupted. You had turned the water on to check you weren’t making an error earlier, but the first nozzle was blocking it. As Dave went to check everything was in place, he clicked it round & the water squirted him straight in the face.

“Fuckkkkk” he screams, the cold water blasting him, & you run to the tap to turn it off while he fights against the spray, spluttering.

“sorry Dave, I forgot I’d done that in my earlier checks…” but your words drift off as you see his glistening chest. The pale blue shirt sticking to his abs. The way it shines is more attractive to you than a magpie is to silver. Your jaw would be on the floor if it could go that far. Your eyes can’t hide that you’re gawping at such a drenched spectacle of a man. Who knew your next door neighbour could look that hot & sexy after a 10seconds spray of some cold water. Dave is not the only person in your garden who is wet.

“Well I’m awake now…” Dave says to snap you out of your trance . “…I mean I’m always awake, but that just saves me having a cooling shower in a bit. “

“shit Dave I’m so sorry, but you gotta laugh or…”

“gawp!” He interjects. You can feel the heat in your cheeks rise. He can tell he has an effect on you. You try & not look at him but as soon as you do, you see those eyes smoulder. There’s a reason why you hardly ever pay attention to what he says whenever you two talk, one glance is all it ever takes.

“Let me go get you a towel Dave, or I can thank you with anything you want? I can go get whatever, once the paddling pool is full. You’re more than welcome to use it ,unless you were heading off to the beach” you’re fast talking as you fill the pool, it shows how nervous & effected you are by him.

“I’m sure whatever you have got Will be fine darling…” Dave goes to add some innuendo but at that exact moment you bend over in front of him & he admires how the mermaid shorts hug your arse & how well you can actually handle that hose. He so wants to slap your bum in which ever way your would prefer, but he knows he’d need your consent first. You don’t notice Daves gone quiet. Your mind is on filling the paddling pool & watching Scruff try to pounce on some butterfly’s. Every time he fails he whimpers.

“it’s okay Scruff they can’t hurt you,” you tell him before he eventually gives up & puts his head in the edge of the pool. “Almost there baby” you say as those big puppy dog eyes look at you.

“Did you just call me baby?”’Dave interjects. You’d completely forgotten about him & Scruff goes up to him for belly rub rolling around on the floor. His hands have always been so large as they engulf your dog.

“No…I…” You’re flustered. You meant to call the dog baby but suddenly that’s all that your mouth can form. Wanting to call Dave baby. Wanting him to delight you, wanting you see how good he is at taking control.

“You meant the dog…”he finishes when he sees you flap about a bit & then he sees the paddling pool about to over flow. he leans across taking your wrist, grappling the nozzle& then turns it off. “Don’t want everything to be soaked now do we”. The gulp you make at those words which are said so deeply along with the eye contact, make you want to soak your own knickers. This man has a hold on you & you want it all. & Dave can sense it too, he’s just waiting to see what you do next before he makes a move.

“I’ll…I’ll be back in a second” you run off to the house to calm down. He’s still technically married. The divorce isn’t final. But you keep having these moments & at night you wonder how good Dave would feel as he told you how special you are to him. You grab a small towel for him to dry off with & then lean against the fridge, heart pounding away, deep breaths being taken as you try to compose yourself. You not this easy to seduce no, you say to yourself. You open the fridge door & grab a beer as a thank you to Dave. The coolness of the fridge helping to cool yourself down but it’s not calming down your burning desire inside you. Maybe it’s time to chat with Dave as you drink these beers in the garden, about your needs that need attending too.

You slowly walk back to the garden, trying to keep your composure & see his blue shirt now over the back of the sun lounger. A bare chested man is now sitting in your garden playing fetch with your dog. you can hear the excited growls as you make your way across to them.

“Here you go Dave… thank…” you can’t help but look at his well defined torso without his shirt on. A happy trail leading to where you would like to be acquainted with. You mind is racing & you can’t hide that you are looking at all of him

“…you?” He questions & then finishes your sentence with a really smug grin on his face. He takes the beer but puts it & the bottle opener on the table next to him. “Well you are welcome ‘baby’…” he mocks your earlier comment “…but I think a thank you needs to be much more personal” his large hand takes yours, rubbing his fingers & thumbs around your wrist. You gasp from the soothing touch & you start to turn crimson & look embarrassed.

“Oooh sweetheart stop looking shy. Come here & Let me take a look at you” he pulls you so you’re in front of him. Scruff wanders back to the house, he knows he’s not going to be playing fetch for a while, so he’s off to go find some shade. You still feel self conscious as both Daves hands stroke your arms & your hips start to sway. A small little smile falls across your face as a handsome man is clearly admiring & wanting you. “Well this just isn’t acceptable darling.” He sits up & tuck your hair behind your ear. “We need to address that smirk across your face, & make it do something else” you slowly stradle Dave as he pulls you inches away from his face. His chest feels fantastic, rock hard & his heart is beating faster that a bullet train. “We need your mouth to be occupied another way, other than just drinking beer & stumbling your words, even though it’s adorable”

You don’t hold back & your lips meet Daves. So round & plump. He was ready & waiting & the way he nips at your bottom lip before you allow his tongue to glide around your mouth, exploring every inch of it, it’s like you’ve never kissed a man before. He feels so different to anyone else you’ve made out with as he holds your face. Your tongue twister never ending. Little sighs escaping before the embrace continues. All the butterfly’s taking flight as you feel all this man has to offer. You didn’t know kisses could feel like this, & it’s taken your mysterious neighbour to unlock this desire.

You break away, slightly opening your eyes & smile at Dave as your hand cups & then caresses his right cheek.

“Oooh kisses with you Dave, how can I say no to that” but as your mouth moves towards his, for another embrace after your soft words, he grabs your chin to keep you at bay.

“Your mouth is not for my lips to enjoy yet sweetheart, you need to earn that before you receive more of those” he says deeply, his eyes dilating waiting for you to do what he wants. “I don’t ask twice baby” he says looking serious. Your hands glide down his body & then you see the out line of his length is much more on show & larger than it was earlier under those shorts.

“Mr York, are you happy with where this is going?” You ask raising an eyebrow suggestively.

“Baby I said I don’t ask twice, if you want to thank me, you can do it on your knees” it doesn’t matter that he’s suddenly gone moody, dark & menacing. Dave York is making you feral. You slowly climb off his body & kneel in front of the lounger, as he sits up straight & your hands along with his, untie his drawstring & you remove his shorts to his ankles.

They were just swim shorts, he’s commando underneath & his girthy length springs to life, bobbing, erect & waiting for you to pleasure it. Your eyes are wide in shock as to how big he is. Is that really going to fit in your mouth, let alone your cunt if you thank him well enough? It’s leaking at the tip already. His large hand looks small as he leisurely strokes it while you stare, the other is stroking his thigh, beaconing you to come nearer.

“A good girls like, you must know what it takes to thank a man like me, baby. Don’t be shy, let’s get aquatinted properly” there’s smug look on his face. He knows he could make you do anything right now. Saliva is gathering in your mouth, you’re ready. It’s been a while since you’ve had a penis in your mouth, so you know you need to take this slow, but that will just mean Dave gets this for longer & hopefully he will enjoy it more.

“How do you know that I’m good dave?” Positioning yourself & placing your hands around his length stroking it as both your eyes widen.

No words are said of consent, just eye contact. Just silent nodding. You sigh & move your head towards it. You lick across the tip & he gasps at the sensation. The anticlockwise motion you start, it slowly going past the tip, around his length.

“Oooh girl you’ve done this before haven’t you? Such a good girl” he says as he strokes your cheek. You pull away, leaving some slick on his penis.

“I’ve not even really got going yet Dave” you wink at him & you both smile at each other, before you purse your lips & start to really work on him. Your hands on his length as you start your bobbing, filling your mouth with all of him.

Daves sigh echos, it’s deep & almost a moan at the end as your start pleasuring him.

“Oooh baby” his head rolls around his neck as he spreads his thighs a little more as you suck away. His body twitching already as he is fully inserted in your mouth, each motion making his hips want to move. “I may have to help you out with more jobs in the future, if your going to thank me like this” one hand is on the back of your head encouraging the bobbing, he wants to feel the back of your throat. He wants to fill every available gap.

“Good girls say thank you, bad girls show they are thankful, naughty girls who need help make sure the needs of the helper are met.” Dave says as he starts to sink further back in the chair. You’ve found your rhythm now. Your breathing through your nose, as his penis starts to hit your throat. So large in size & girth, no man has ever felt this good or full while you’ve sucked him off. You’re really enjoying it & the occasional look up through your lashes at Dave, you are enjoying the look on his face. The way he called you a naughty girl made you clench, you bikini bottoms getting wetter than if you were in your paddling pool. You see the heat raise in Daves face, not just from the early afternoon sun, but from his desire & lust for you as you slurp away at his length. He’s trying to control his body but he can’t. His hips are starting to thrust fully into your face, which along with this hand & your own motion, makes you gag around him. You are feeling the most powerful & sexy you have felt in a long time. Your hunky neighbour is sitting naked on your sun lounger & you are giving him your best blow job in years. You know this is the case because you are being aroused & he is trying everything to make this last for as long as it possibly can.

You come up for air briefly but your hands still work his glistening shaft, coated by you so far. Your eyes start being transfixed on it. It large & makes your hands look so dainty, In fact it would probably make Daves hands which usually eclipse everything seem normal size. Daves stares at you & growls when you let got, enjoying the small trickle coming from your mouth but when he makes eye contact with you he can tell this is just the beginning.

“& helpful mysterious handsome neighbours will always be rewarded” you lick your lips after saying this before your lips once again embrace his penis & the oral onslaught continues.

“Oooh sweetheart, bet all your exs miss you” Dave groans his body rolling faster. “Such a small & beautiful mouth, nice & tight,you look all sweet & innocent on the surface,, but your just needy like the rest of them, my naughty girl” his panting resumes before he holds your head in place & sits right on the edge of the chair, your head almost in the hair around his base, he can’t get any further into your mouth & throat even if he wanted to. “I wonder does your pussy have the same effect? Bet it’s drenched already”

Daves now got both hand grabbing your head & he’s in control. He’s face fucking you, controlling the rhythm, watching as he slides in & our if your mouth. Loving the suction, the gagging music to his ears.

“Your mouth is now mine sweetheart” he groans “you hear that, if you want me to do anything for you, you know the payment.” Your eyes start to water, every third motions you gag, he’s hitting your reflex spot a lot & it’s making him go faster. “Look at you darling, so keen to thank me, so keen to gawp, now your making me happy & you don’t stop until every last drop is swallowed, you understand my slut, my neighbourhood slut. Bet everyone else in the street wishes they knew how good your mouth is” he’s almost shouting in desire to make sure they all do know that he’s face fucking you, his moans are trailing out at the same time. He’s lost in the moment trying to get to his climax. Your eyes sting, but you are loving how he just isn’t letting go. It’s aroused you so much, you can feel your slick pooling in your bikini bottoms, maybe you’ll have to be naked in the padding pool later. You’ve let go of this length, you’re gripping onto his hips as he thrusts away into your face.

“Come on sweetheart, your filthy mouth can do better than this, make me happy, oooh fuck…” Daves hips start lost their rhythm. You’re starting to take back control, but you can see his body jolt in desire. He wanted you to lap up every drop, not waste one, & you want to taste him. You lick a few stripes around him knowing it’s coming, & don’t have him so deep that you might choke. “Ooh fuck sweetheart, I…I’m… get… ready” Dave moans your name as your mouth is filled with more than just his penis two motions later. Salty & tangy liquid spews into your mouth & down your throat for a few moments. The gasps & moaning he is doing which also hold some fuck yes’s at the same time, fill the garden air. Not even Scruff having a bit of a bark at a cat in the back ground is taking the two of you out of this moment. “Oooh fuck yes sweetheart” he cry’s juddering watching your throat gulp him down. He owns your mouth now, it’s his property. You eventually pull away & you both notice the trail from his penis to your mouth, a mix of his cum & your saliva as he sits back in the chair, catching his breath, completely exposed & still erect.

“Sweetheart what did I say?” He says as he sits back up. This hand grabs your chin sharply. “I said every drop & this trickle escaping, well that’s not acceptable” he has eyes of the devil as his flat thumb wipes off the trail that’s about to drip. He places the thumb on you lips “suck” it’s a firm request & wont be asked twice. You lean into his thumb & suck it for a good few seconds. He quickly then removes it before grabbing his swim shorts that are around his ankles to cover him again, tying up the drawstrings. “Be a good girl & open my beer” Dave nods at the bottle, he’s in controlling teasing Dave mode & you will do anything to get this man in the paddling pool with you to have sex with you in the shallow water now. All your morals out the window, this man is now sex on legs for you, here to scratch your itch, so you lean over & open both your bottles of beer & swig from his as well as yours before you hand it across.

“Anything to be of service for you” you say, you hold your own coolish bottle to your head to cool. Condensation trickling down your face & neck trying to cool you from the suns heat & the heat inside you desperate for more from Dave.

Dave leans down & picks up the hosepipe & then leans back in the lounger.

“You seem a bit hot & flustered sweetheart. Do you need to cool down?”

“Dave I… ahhhh” the high pitch squeal you make is from the spray of the cold water from the hose crashing against you. Your hands after putting your bottle down, try to stop it but you can’t deny this cool sensation is most welcome. Feeling the spray as Dave hoses you down, your mermaid shorts soaked & your nipples hardening under your bikini top. Dave licks his lips as he sees you start to enjoy it a little bit too much. He wants you but he’s going to make you earn his pleasure a little bit more. He stops the spray & gulps the beer down. Before he stands up & takes your hand, admiring your dripping body as he helps you stand up to.

“Bad girls…” he whispers in your ear seductively “know when they have over teased…” he walks behind you, his hand smacks your arse in your drenched shorts as he rolls them free. He can see your bikini bottom just about covering your arse, they are tied like your top & he waits for you to step out of them before his hands trail up your body until they reach the small knots keeping your top on “… & they know when they need to be pleased.” The knot in the Centre of your back & around your neck both undone in a matter of moments. Your bikini top falls from your body. Dave rests his head on your shoulders looking down at your wet chest as your heart beats faster. His hands come around & cup both breasts, starting to stroke your nipples. The lightest of touches, making them even harder. You push your arse back into his swim shorts, feeling his bulge grow harder.

“Dave please, let me thank you some more” you plead.

“See I knew I’d have you begging for me” Dave is now in front of you, looking at you in all your glory, seeing the small piece of material hanging on by two small knots. It’s covering what’s left of your modesty. The temptation far too much. He sighs before his lips meet yours. Delicious & smooth in the embrace as his hands rest around the back of your neck & your breast as he walks you backwards to step you into your paddling pool. Your feet enjoying the cool water & he slowly lowers you down into the shallow pool. He’s not got in himself, he’s to the side. The hand that was teasing across your breasts, is now collecting small cups up water, pouring them across your chest, making you gasp, as your nipples get so hard.

“Oooh Dave I want you” panting & begging words come between each kiss the two of you have. His lips no longer a stranger, your hand trailing down his chest heading to the happy trail, inches away from removing his shorts & pulling him into the pool with you. But Dave then smirks & grabs your wrist. A Devilish look on his face.

“& naughty girls need to be taught that they don’t just get what they want all the time” Dave says. The eyes contact is deep before a frenzied kiss, biting your bottom lip as it breaks, his eyes wired & darting crazily. Dave then removes himself from your personal space completely. You sit in the pool desperate for him, for his touch, his kisses, & his throbbing penis. But there he goes. He picks up your bikini top, his shirt & the bottle of beer which he finishes. “Always a pleasure to come & help a neighbour” he says & nods. You’re gawping at Dave, trying to protest his leaving, almost willing to take off your bottoms to make him change his mind, but he’s still teaching you a lesson, a lesson only he could do. He saw you gawp & he gave you a taste & now he wants you to plead for more. Your stunned silence, as you see him head for the gate, is interrupted by Scruffs barking as he runs after Dave before the dog leaps in the paddling pool with you, as you helplessly watch your handsome neighbour leave.

Your phone number is on the neighbourhood watch list all resident of the road have. So when a day of laying in your garden topless is over & you have a nice even tan everywhere you head in for a shower. Dave has been watching you all afternoon from his window, pleasuring himself, wondering what excuse he can use to come back & thank you for an afternoon’s entertainment without sounding creepy. He hopes you haven’t seen him. But he still decides to message you when he knows you’ve gone in for the day.

*hope your had fun in the sun sweetheart & enjoyed all of this glorious summer day

You’re startled when your phone goes off & then smile as you see it’s Dave. No one else would call your sweetheart. You’re literally about to leap in the shower. So you send him a picture of your bottoms on the bathroom floor with the captions

*a good girl showers & does her laundry the same day, a bad girl tells your the back door is unlocked & a naughty girl…🫦🍆

You hit send & step in the shower, waiting & hoping.

10 minutes later large hands, that you had only fantasised about until midday today, are around your waist. His penis against your arse. Your own hand around the back of Daves neck as you kiss deeply, your bodies already rolling, feeling him get harder. Your own arousal getting more, as your other hand starts to tease your clit. The water hitting you both. It’s warm compared to the hose & the paddling pool, but it’s making this steamy booty call even more sensual.

“Tell me sweetheart what does a naughty girl like you do in this situation?” Dave groans, he pushes you against the glass of the shower, & your spread your legs as he lines up ready to take you, a condom already on his penis that he’d put on before he joined you.

“Naughty girls like their sexy neighbours to fuck them hard & rough” you’re already panting as you say this.

He says nothing. He thrusts deep inside you I. One motion & you can feel him fill you up. He is bigger than you’ve had before, & it pushes all the air out of you.

“Fuck me sweetheart, your so wet & tight” he thrusts again, not allowing you to get comfortable “I should have been the one begging for this not you, fuck me” a slap of your arse as he thrusts agains, the sting of being spread & the feel of him dragging your walls & his spank making you clamp & moan his name

“Dave oh fuck Dave” it’s almost a whisper you’re straining already in pleasure. He’s finding his rhythm quickly as he starts to pound into you. He drags you back under the shower streams, so he can see your misty silhouettes in the shower glass reflection.

“Look at you darling, taking me so well, almost like your cunt was made for me” he’s so deep in his response & inside you.

He’s got his arms wrapped around you thrusting hard & then one lets go & turns off the water confessing you. You thought he was into this & he’s still making you moan.

“Trust me?” He asks as you gasp as the mist lifts into the extractor, he can feel you body tense up.

“Yes Dave” you softly reply

“foolish answer” he moans before he withdraws & drags you still dripping out of the shower & he stands next to the closed laundry basket. Legs spread, condom dripping with precum which you can see at the tip, your slick & shower water, trickling down its length. Your eyes wide wondering how your pussy accommodates all of that inside you. He’s huge & hung well.

“stop admiring sweetheart & get over here like the naughty girl you are” you know he won’t ask twice. In a flash you’re standing next to him, you hands playing with his ball. His thumb circling your clit while your lips collide.

Your hand then slowly starts to removes his condom as you whisper, “I’m clean & on an implant Dave, I want you to claim me if you want to” Daves eyes dilate & a frenzied look appears on his face. He pushes you onto the laundry basket.

“spread” he demands as he takes the condom off, throwing it in the sink “naughty girls like to give bad boys a full frontal show” Dave stares at what he’s been thrusting into as your legs part. “People would kill to have even a chance to gaze upon you in this position sweetheart” he says as he jerks his length before he swipes it through your slick. This makes your enterace flutter, desperate to feel him inside you again. “Look at you, so eager, so desperate. Do all naughty girls put out like you do? Are all naughty girls so tight?” He growls holding your chin as his tip nudges against your entrance.

“Well not all bad men have a naughty girl to fuck when they want, like me Dave” you reply as you lick your lips & then you gasp.

He’s slower this time as he inserts his penis inside you, he knows how your going to feel now, he knows after the initial few minutes of blistering movement standing in the shower that your body can take him at his most passionate, so he wants to build up your collective high. His own sigh & eyes closing once he’s seen he’s fully inside you is followed by a “damn, your so fucking tight, like your cunt was made just to satisfy me” He kisses you & bites your bottom lip feeling the way your body responds to him. One hand on the small of your back as he makes sure you’re comfortable on the lid of the basket & the other heading to your clit to stimulate you. Your hands are on his firm chest as you slowly start to wrap your legs around him, pulling him closer so he feels deeper inside you, filling you so there’s nowhere he can go.

“Fuck me Dave, this cunt needs a good fuck” a small smile forms on his lips & his vigorous thrusting starts at a much faster pace.

“Naughty girls get fucked hard, bad boys fuck how they want” he says his voice already straining. He’s hitting that spot every time, he can see you desperate for air & you body moving with his, each thrust & movement sending you both into extreme pleasure. Maybe he had wanted to take this slow, but not any more. Dave wants his fill & he wants to spill inside your tight cunt as many times as he can tonight, especially when you’re begging for it.

“What … whatt… oooh fuck yea” your words are failing you as you look at him & see his chest heave, stimulation is in over drive “… what about… naughty boyessssss , oooh fuck, just like that baby” Daves taken one of your nipples into his mouth, your squeezing his body with your thighs as you are wrapped around him. The way his tongue feels on your hardens nipples is exactly how you had imagined it earlier, it feels divine.

Your pleasurable moaning thought is stopped in its tracks. Dave let’s go & stops sucking your nipple & the hand that was on your clit is now gripped around your throat choking you. His brown puppy dog eyes that are usually so big & adorable are now as black as the night sky, dilated, frenzied & full of desire.

“A naughty boy fucks sluts like you until you squirt” he scowls, his voice is hoarse & rough “a naughty boy goes harder when she begs for more, which your dirty mouth good at doing sweetheart” he can see you silently mouth Dave please as he moves harder, even harder than he was when he face fucked your earlier, your pussy ready to soak him, but he keeps going as you go higher & higher through your layers of desire “a naughty boy ruins you, so you’ll beg for his cock every night, no other boy or toy will satisfy you again sweetheart” the rhythm is relentless & you pull Dave completely against you, his grip harder around your throat. He’s loving you as you gasp for each breath, it’s making your body convulse.

“But that’s a naughty boy sweetheart…” the devilish look is back in Daves eyes that are burning with desire. “…I’m a naughty man, I’m the devil…” words that turn you on even more your slow close to cumming as you desperately try to catch a few gasps of air any way you can, you’ve lost control of the rest of your trembling body “…& I make every naughty girl, wish they were my whore” these words are whispered into your ear with 3 huge thrusts that send you over the edge. Clamping around him. Soaking his penis. Letting go. Experiencing the ultimate pleasure. No one has ever fucked you like this. No one has ever given you such a long orgasm. His hand peels off your neck letting you breathe & you take in as much air as you can, your eyes slowly opening, feeling like a new person & then they ping open wides as Dave screams you name along with “tightest fucking cunt to ever fuck” & his penis erupts, filling your core. Mixing with your own release, as he starts to slow down. His own desires & fantasy met. He finally got to feel how good your cunt was, & it didn’t disappoint.

“Fuck Dave, oooh fuck” you eventually manage to muster. He’s trailing kisses up your neck as he catches his own breath. “You made this summer girl all hot & sweaty & unnecessary” your eyes eventually meeting before you wrap your arms around his shoulders & kiss him with all the lust left in your being, never wanting to leave this moment. To stay sitting here with his cock inside you, even though it’s softening, having him tell you how naughty you both are.

“Well sweetheart, not all naughty girls have a mouth & cunt like yours” he says when your lips eventually part. He slowly withdraws & you wince at his loss & you both stand in the shower to clean up. He’s still admiring your naked curves, as you sort yourself out.

“Does that fucking mean, I can get you to help me out another day Dave, should I need a hand” you ask as your wrap a towel around you & Dave drys off & picks up his swim shorts, ready to redress in them again.

“But I thought you were a strong independent woman?” Dave chuckles as he throws the condom in the bin, that he fishes out of the sink “I thought you we’re capable…”

“don’t make me beg Dave”’you tut & roll your eyes as you interrupt him.

“Well begging got us here in the first place,” he says tying up his shorts as you open the bathroom door & Scruff comes bouncing along your landing to the two of you, with big puppy dog eyes.

“Turns out scruff isn’t the only one with big brown eyes, I won’t say no to” you say as you head down stairs to the kitchen with Dave following you as he is ready to head back to his.

You pour Scruff his dog food into the bowl leaning down. “There you go baby, have a taste of that” you say to the dog.

“Ooh I intend to” says Dave deeply before spinning you around “I want the good, the bad & the naughty from you every time” he says as his hand strokes your face & he pushes you against a counter.

“Well I would use my paddling pool more, give you a good view, but someone has stolen half of my swim suit.” You laugh before you give dave a passionate kiss. Your hands once again trailing across his body, feeling every inch of him. He then hold up the bottoms that you left on the bathroom floor, looking suggestively .

“I’m taking these too, that way you’ll have to invite me around each day of summer, for some paddling pool fun.” The smirk & the eyes say it all, as your towel cascades to the floor.

“& I’ll thank you every time you do help me with any of my needs Dave”. Thank god Scruff can’t talk, although he must have been wondering what the cheese man & his human did on the kitchen table to make such high pitched nosies that made him hide in the lounge. Being Naughty has never felt so good & who knew a helpful friendly neighbour could lead to so much pleasure.

[themultifandomgal]

From 2010- Back On Tour

2012

Part 17 

3rd January 2012 Bournemouth

“How are you all doing tonight?” I ask grabbing my water bottle and taking a sip. The crowd all scream “good. Did you all have a good Christmas?” I ask putting my bottle down and one again everyone screams “ok. Now we thought it would be fun to play a game with you. I’m going to ask one of you to hum a tune, the boys are going to each have a buzzer and guess what song your humming. Sound good? Ok. To make this fair I have a bowl full of rows and seat numbers. Ok let’s start” I dip by hand into the bowl and pull out a piece of paper “row L seat 5” a member of our team make their way over to a girl who then hums a tune. Harry quickly presses the buzzer

“Easy, that’s Teenage Dream. YN loves that song”

“One point for Harry. Ok next… row A seat 9” again the member of our team takes a microphone to another girl who hums. This time Louis presses the buzzer

“She makes me wanna?” the girl shake her head and hums again Liam buzzes

“Yeahx3?” again the girl shakes her head

“We give up” Harry says

“It was Give Me Everything”

4th January 2012 Birmingham

“Hello Birmingham!” Harry says smiling “YN how does it feel to perform here?”

“Crazy. I saw my first ever concert here so it feels very surreal”

“YNs family are all here and once again cookie is sleeping in her dressing room” Louis says when the whole arena start saying ‘aww’ I turn around and see a photo of cookie asleep on the sofa “isn’t she sweet?”

“She’s an angel”

“We’ve got some tweets we want to go through with you. Ok first one is ‘what did you get for Christmas? YN did you get another dog?”

“No” I pout, “but I did get a painting of cookie. Zayn what did you get”

“Hulk boxers”

“And he’s wearing them tight now aren’t you!” Louis laughs

“Ok next question ‘did you get each other presents?’” Harry asks

“I am their present” Liam jokes and I roll my eyes

“Will cookie come with you for the whole of tour?” Zayn asks

“No she’s going to go stay with my best friend Emma so that my dad can fly out to us more”

“Who is messiest?”

“Harry” we all say and point at him. He holds both his hands up in the air in defence

“YNs no better. Have you seen her makeup area on the bus?” I again roll my eyes.

5th January 2012 Plymouth

During What Makes You Beautiful I have to run across the stage. Every night so far has go ok expect tonight. Earlier on in the night I spilt my water on stage and unfortunately I go flying landing on my butt making the boys all look at me. Harry and Louis look at one another then nod running towards me then ‘falling’ on the floor while Zayn and Liam laugh

“I’ve lost where we even are in the song” I say as Zayn helps me up. The fans then help us get back on track.

7th January 2012 Nottingham

During the Twitter segment someone asks if we can show everyone how to do the Macarena. I stand in between Zayn and Louis and we all do the Macarena while the fans sing for us. I turn to face Zayn and we both burst out laughing at one another

“Ok next question. Do an impression of each other” Louis says. Niall does his impression of Louis

“Alright lads and lass ayup I’m from Yorkshire Doncaster ya might know it I just like chillin” Zayn does an impression of Louis

“Err it’s me Zayn. Listen I don’t like dancing, but I do like singing” Liam does an impression of Niall. I do one of Liam and Harry does an impression of me

“Hi I’m YN” he says high pitched making me laugh “I sing really high and I can’t sleep unless I’ve hand a cup of tea and 2 biscuits. I also love my dog more than my bandmates”

“Not wrong” I joke making them all look offended “but Harry we can’t forget about you” I clear my throat “ m’Harry Styles and I annoy my housemates when I bring girls home” the truth is he doesn’t, or at least not like that. For some reason the label want him to basically be a womaniser, but that’s really not him. He’s the shy boy who actually gets nervous talking to girls. It’s actually really cute.

8th January 2012 Brighton

For the whole show so far I haven’t been able to hear myself once which means I’ve been off pitch the whole time

“I wanna dance with somebody feel the heat with somebody. Yeah dance with somebody, with somebody who loves me” I sing and sigh looking over at Niall who gives me a little smile. I walk back and look to the people who are stood in the side wings while the boys carry on singing. I point to my ears and shout at them that I can’t hear anything. Before we sing moments I decide to take my in ears out

“YN’s gonna be deaf by the end of the night” Liam sings

“I can’t bloody hear anything. I’ve been off pitch all night. I think my in ears are broke”

“How have you broken them?” Louis asks

“She throws them on the floor as soon as she gets in her dressing room” Alex shouts from side stage

“Alex just said that you throw them on the floor is that right?” Zayn points his mic to me as if this is an interview

“No… maybe ok moving on this next song is Moments”

11th January 2012 London

Back in London and for some weird reason the fans have took to throwing things on stage. Mainly bras and pants.

I’m stood next to Harry as we sing I Wish when a bottle comes flying at us. Harry places his hand in front of my face and bats the bottle away

“Guys let’s not throw full bottles at us” he says during the song

“Thanks” I reply and Harry smiles down at me. At the end of the song Harry takes his in ear out

“You ok?” he asks. I take mine out and reply

“Yeah I’m fine” while we’re stood talking Louis goes on to talk about how that could have really hurt one of us if it had hit us and that it’s a hazard to throw things on the stage incase we fall.



[yours-truly-henry-jekyll]

If I had a nickel. Part 3. (Yes I am back with my bullshit)

So there are four siblings from mid-nineteenth century, who are quite noticeable, I would even say famous in literature. They are pastor's children, well-educated but impoverished. The oldest daughter of this family works as a governess to help support the household and is a very determined young woman as well as the most proper of all siblings. Other siblings are a very creative, although quiet, shy and sickly "angel of the household", who will die tragically young, a outspoken, principled and vocally feminist writer, who is ready to go against society of her time, and a doted-on spoilt darling of the family with a considerable artistic talent and, to say the least, rather ambivalent personality, whose selfishness and melodramatic antics sometimes end up a problem for the other family members and who is in love with someone of far better social standing.

And now, are these siblings four sisters from Concord, Massachusetts? Or three sisters and a brother from Haworth, West Yorkshire

P. S. Yes, I know I am doing Amy dirty with this comparison, but that seemed a bit too fun

[dominickeating-source]

Dominic Keating Forum - Post Archive Messages (2001-2005)

10/31/2001 I've been checking in to read all your wonderful messages and cannot express enough how flattered and utterly bowled over I am by all your kind words and attention. There isn't an actor, dead or alive, who doesn't worry whether or not they're nice to look at or whether their performance is any good, so to all of you who have taken the time to write in either to appreciate my acting ability or just the shape of my butt...I am eternally in your debt. Keep 'em comin' and tell a friend! I love you all, Dominic

11/07/2001 In answer to some important questions- So, it's official is it? I'm a Sex Symbol....Aaaah, at last! Tell that to my bank manager. And now, food. I  have to say that my Mum's Roast Beef and Yorkshire Pudding on Sunday is as good as it gets, which brings me swiftly to my favorite moment on the show coming to your screens shortly when my character, Malcolm Reed, gets into a hellish food fight in the mess hall with T'Pol and Hoshi resulting in a lengthy "de-con" scene which took two days to shoot....Hey, a man can dream! Love you guys, Dominic

11/17/2001 Once again, a big "Thankyou" to all of you who are posting. Not only is it great fun for me to read when I get the chance but it's also very rewarding and educational, if you will, to hear all your thoughts and opinions about the show. It's still very much in its formative stage and so all imput is helpful and very much apart of my learning curve. HOWEVER...I think it's just TOO rude of whoever(not to mention any names....you know who you are) to notice other mens' winning smiles(ie:Anthony Montgomery's) on MY message board...!!! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED. The Webmaster has been instructed to seek ALL offenders out and line them up for a private spanking at a location to be disclosed at a later date. Incidentally, I am very chuffed that some of you have obviously seen quite a bit of my work before Enterprise. So, maybe I'll see some of you in the Lone Star state...don't be shy. All my best. Dominic

12/03/2001 Hi You Fabulous Guys! Sorry not to have acknowledged all your listings sooner but things got very busy for Malcolm on board the Enterprise. So that's good news. Sadly you'll have to wait 'till the New Year to see quite a bit more of him but at last it would seem that the powers that be are turning around and taking a closer look at the enigmatic Brit. As an actor it's been a joy and very rewarding. I love going to work. I am truly blessed and very grateful. And not least for all your fantastic support and praise for the job I am fortunate enough to be doing. Inspite of the fact that my character was not getting much of the spotlight initially you still noticed the performance and that was very, very encouraging. Especially at the beginning of such an epic journey...for me not Malcolm that is! So, thankyou all and if I don't get to post before...have a wonderfully Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. Peace and Love. Dominic

12/18/2001 Thankyou to my wonderful Webmaster and all of you who contributed to the extraordinary "dossier" of Christmas Greetings. It arrived at work this afternoon and I was blown away reading all your heartfelt messages of Yuletide Cheer waitiing for Scott Bacula to come out of his trailer. Just kidding, Scott!!I'm off to London on Thursday to see my dear Mum and do some press for the launch of the show in Blighty. Back on the fourth of Jan...Be well 'till then and don't forget to leave a little something out for Santa. HoHoHo...

01/10/2002 Hoping that this year is at least as good for everyone of you as the last was for me! I just got back from the UK where I was promoting the launch of the show there, and spending some time with my family and friends. My Godson is nearly ten and I wish all of you could have seen his little face when he ripped the Christmas wrapping paper off the first official NX-01 cap to reach their shores. The reaction to the show seemed pretty good although I had to fly back to the States before its opening night, so if anyone in England(that means you Leicester Girl!)has any info then feel free to share. Good notices only please!! And by the way, a big thankyou to all of you who replied to the journalist from my home town. My Mum read the article to me over the phone a couple of days ago...I can't tell you all how proud you made her feel. As you know the new episodes will be starting soon and if my memory serves me there's some nice stuff coming up for your friend and mine so stay tuned and tell a friend! Happy New Year Everybody. Ever my best. Dominic

02/07/2002 Hi Guys...For some crazy reason my computer jammed and I was unable to access my board for a couple of weeks. But it's fine now and it was just fab to read all your praises especially about Sleeping Dogs. I really liked the episode too and thought I managed to hold my own in the decon scene! Now that's what I call drama! I particularly liked the fact that Hoshi and Reed get Starfleet regulation issue scivvies while T'Pol has hers sent to the ship direct from Victoria's "Vulcan" Secret!! It's all just a bit of fun. Life has been v. busy and rewarding and I can hardly believe that we're almost at the end of the first season. It has skipped by. So, make sure you look out for next weeks' ep...it's a good one(Feb 13). According to Rick Berman he's never been more proud of one particular show. High praise indeed....let's see if it's warranted. Thanks again to one and all. I truly love reading your messages and receiving your best wishes. Right back you!

02/16/2002 Well, what can I say? You really are the best. Never in my wildest dreams would I have expected such praise, such warmth, such support for what I love to do. I am just so proud and moved that you were all so proud and moved. It's truly magical. I have read all your postings and am simply honoured that we touched your hearts and made you laugh quite as it would appear we did. It was a beautifully written episode, a joy to act, fabulously directed and skillfully photographed. As a collaborative experience it really doesn't get any better. Connor Trinneer is just the most generous and consumately talented actor I've had the good fortune to risk going "all out" with and I can only hope we get to do it again. Thank you all for your kind, kind words. It means the world to me.

02/28/2002 Thanks so much for showing up on Sunday...it was a thrill to meet some of you in the flesh. And thanks to all of you who sent word thru the "e-mail brochure". It really means alot to me. Sorry this is  so brief...work schedule is gruelling this week. All love 'till later. Dominic

04/24/2002 Hi Guys...It's been too long . What a hectic time this has been. The end of the season, the rap party, conventions and moving into my new house!! I can't tell you how exciting that whole trip has been but here I sit in "my study" tapping this message to Y'all. Thank you guys...without you none of it would be so. No sooner do I finally have a few moments to myself than I'm off to Europe to do the  con in Germany and then spend a little time with me dear ol' Mum in Leicester. Then back to Cali and thankfully back to work. In fact I heard just this afternoon that my contract had been officially renewed by Paramount. My manager was delighted...and although I suppose there was perhaps little doubt as to whether we would or not it's always a moment when the word is verified in writing. So, onward and upward...but before the second season kicks off I would like to take this opportunity to really thank each and every one of you for your remarkable support and insight into the creation of Malcolm Reed. Believe me when I tell you that it truly has been a team effort and you all played your part...rather well I might add!! From the bottom of my heart I thank you. Much Love. Dominic

10/04/2002 Well, Hello everybody!! It has been too long...It's a long boring story about getting DSL and not being able to access my AOL thereafter. Some of you out there probably can sympathize. Several experts and one good friend later the problem is over and I log on to find everything is different. Different format, different names, different peeps....Where have all my peeps gone? Where are you Nan? Where are you Dragoncait? Where are you My Laughing Muse? Not to say I don't appreciate all the newer Peeps. Always glad to welcome the newly converted! So, anyway, I wanted to say sorry for being so far away and to add that I will try to check in more regularly. Hope you you are enjoying the new season....as you can see it's been a pretty busy start for Malcolm. We're both well and having fun. All love, Dominic

12/18/2002 Thank you & Happy Holidays! Hello everybody!! I want to thank all my Peeps for the wonderful contributions you made to the Holiday book for me! I am very touched and moved that you all would take time to send me your holiday wishes. It reassures me that I am pleasing all of you with my acting and tells me how much I am appreciated by each and every one of you. I can’t tell you how much of an honor that is to me. What a fantastic prezzy! I just found out that I was voted the 9th sexiest male in Star Trek, what an honor! My Peeps are the greatest for making sure that I was accounted for. Connor Trinneer came in #1, I sure would like to see what photos voters had to judge "sexiest" from. I wish all of you Happy Holidays and a great New Year. All love, Dominic

04/14/2003 Hello my dear Peeps.... It's been a long time yet again.... my apologies. Life has been hectic. It looks like I will not be in London attending the E-1 convention. How I will miss seeing all of you there! Perhaps there will be a convention next year. So, anyway, I wanted to say sorry yet again for being so far away and I wish I could say I would be checking in more regularly but life must settle a little first. Hope you enjoy the season finale.... get as many of your friends as you can to watch it so I can have even more Peeps! You are all so terrific; there should be millions of you! All love, Dominic

09/12/2003 It has been a long time since I last posted, my apologies. I have been busy with work since the hiatus. I hope you all were keen to the season opener. The show defiantly has a harder edge to it now. There are a lot more great episodes to come so keep watching! I was reading my fan mail and discovered that I won ‘Best Actor’ in the DKEB Awards and wanted to post a thank you to all of you that voted. My many thanks to everyone that has been submitting things to the website and the fan newsletter. Keep it up so that they both continue to be places where my fans can gather and enjoy each other. Many thanks to all of you for all of your support and love. All Love, Dominic

08/25/2005 Hello my loves, I love the new forums and have been reading your posts. My fans are the best. Although I am slightly jet lagged as I just got back in to town so pardon my sluggishness, I wanted to take a moment and say hello to all of you. I have grown the facial hair to play the part in Hollywood Kills. The character is called Francis Fenway. The synopsis, in a nutshell, is that I am playing a John Waters-esque character. A man who lures young Hollywood hopefuls into his casting area where he then entraps them and makes snuff movies out of them. It is a fun role. It’s going to look good. The director is a young German director, Sven Pape, who cut his teeth with James Cameron after leaving the AFI. He’s every thoughtful and has a good eye and had a lot of success with his last movie, LA Twister. We shot the first scene today and I can tell he is going to challenge me. I look forward to being challenged. It was very nice to see all the English fans over the past few months. Great to be home. I had a great time. I intend to travel back and forth now. I hope to start doing some acting in the UK as well. Life is good and I love you all, Dominic

[butterfrogmantis]

Someone pulled this joke on instagram comments the other day and I haven't stopped thinking about it since

The main difference between Sower and Wrangler is whilst they can be kind of similar as kids, Sower does mature a little bit when she grows up, Wrangler not so much

Also random Archie and Pal singing a Yorkshire song my family taught me, it's really fun to sing XD

Archie and Pal (c) The Smurfs

Wrangler and Zinc are mine

[caterpillarinacave]

Got any random Fairchild family headcanons, especially ones pertaining to Matthew and Henry?

Oh, I always have headcanons!

Also, sorry I took so long to answer, I am currently withering away to sawdust. 

Matthew was one of those “nicely disobedient kids”. Someone will be like “okay, keep your shoes on okay? It’s important not to take them off in here alright?” and he's like “yeah yeah yeah! I got it!” then tears his pants and shirt away and takes off running. 

Both Matthew and Charles were those kids who just hung off their parents 24/7. Actually, all the TID gangs kids are like that. Someone is always carrying at least one child. Henry’s lap is prime real estate. So are Will’s shoulders. What are adults if not your personal chauffeur?

Henry and Matthew actually do have very similar hair, although Matthew’s is straighter. Matthew can’t tell because, you know, he styles it, and Henry absolutely does not. 

Matthew’s concern about not looking like his father in GOTSM is distressing because its so unfounded. He looks a lot like both his parents, and frankly he’s the only one who's never noticed.

Christmas is soooo fun there. Mostly because they dont do any of it at their own house, they just go to all the christmas parties they get invited to and watch shit go down. Every shadowhunter party is a madhouse. Matthew and Charles get released into the crowd of children to play, and Henry and Charlotte just kind of sit to the side and watch everything dissolve into chaos. They’ll send Matthew and Charles home with an uncle or aunt, they're staying to watch 24 year old Micheal what's his name from some corner of Britain tries to fight his 64 year old uncle over the rise of livestock taxes in liverpool. Charlotte doesnt feel morally obligated to step until chairs become involved.

Other than the entertianment of christmas chaos, holidays are fun. They come with markets and present shopping. Matthew and Charles get paired off with whatever parent, then their basically free in a christmas market (provided they stay within five feet of said parent.) Matthew goes with Henry and has the time of his life. He comes home with pockets full of peppermint candies choclaty little fingers and a whole lot of happiness. Also, did you know theres fun holiday stuff in the shadowmarket? Whats better than sitting in your dads lap while he chats with a warlock in a demon language like forty people in the world speak, then going back to the cities for a chocolate croissant. Hey, it's safer than you think, Henry's not letting Matthew go anywhere in that market lol.

Of course, there a lots of bedtime stories and songs. Matthew is big on bedtime stories, though he has a few favorites. He's quite keen on Alice's Adventures In Wonderland, and he asks for it at least once a week. That was Henry's favorite as a child, and there are several copies to pick from which may be part of why Matthew likes it so much.

When Matthew gets a little older they move onto more interesting stuff. You know, the normal books for a nine year old; like The Travels of Marco Polo. Matthew is a well educated nine year old.

There's a lot of checkers and chess. Charlotte is decent at chess, and Henry's amazing at it, though Charles Buford and Matthew are more average. Matthew does, however, enjoy the aesthetic, and can play a mean game of checkers.

Tea time is important. World might be burning down but there will be tea on the Fairchild's table.

Matthew and Charles get sent flowers on special occasions. Doesn't really matter if they want flowers, or if they are "far to old for such frivolaty, I have things to do they'll simply die-" (coughcharlesbufordcough), they get them anyway. Henry and Charlotte have had the same ancient florist from Yorkshire doing it for decades, and considering she's been ninety since Henry was about six, and shows no signs of mortality, Charles and Matthew should prepare to have flowers forever.

One good rule for the kids in that house is to a) knock, and b) if that door is locked, do NOT open it. Really a rule all the TID gang kids know. If you decide to open, or try to open, or even hang out near, a locked door (or any thin walls) may the consequences be on your own head. Look, everyone in that group loves their partner very much, 

That’s why Charles Buford is so bitter btw. Didn’t know the rule, scarred for life. Pretty much like that vine. 

[victorianwhitechapel]

The Long Shadow review – a shattering serial killer drama that breaks all the rules

A mighty cast including Katherine Kelly and Toby Jones tells the stories of the women murdered by Peter Sutcliffe. Finally, the focus is on the victims

By the end of the first two of the seven episodes of ITV’s new drama about the Yorkshire Ripper made available for review, Peter Sutcliffe has barely been glimpsed. This alone marks it out from the herd of serial killer dramas, let alone documentaries, of which every streaming platform has a full quota. The general rule is that, however much the makers stress that their creation will centre the victims instead of the perpetrator of the crimes, they somehow all end up in thrall to precisely that person. Even when there really are intentions otherwise, the perpetrator inevitably becomes the dramatic focus and the narrative engine.

The Long Shadow – so far, at least, which is already further than most – shatters the general rule. Written by George Kay (whose last outing was the very different, very fun Hijack starring Idris Elba) and directed by Lewis Arnold (Sherwood, Time, Des – the Dennis Nilsen drama starring David Tennant), it is based on Michael Bilton’s book Wicked Beyond Belief, plus additional research and with the consultation and blessing of the families.

More than any rendering of a notorious case that I can remember, the attention is on the women. Specifically, the living women. And, when they are gone, the people they leave behind. After Wilma McCann’s (Gemma Laurie) murder, and the investigation that will take five years to apprehend Sutcliffe despite the police interviewing him nine times, the focus moves to Emily Jackson (Katherine Kelly). The opening episodes concentrate on presenting her situation to us in the round, as dire financial straits drive the embattled wife and mother to sell sex and put her fatally in Sutcliffe’s sights.

The Long Shadow deals in details. It is not simply poverty that leads the Jacksons to extreme solutions, but the social pressures and the desire not to lose face in front of the neighbours are all carefully and accurately drawn. So too are the subtle prejudices that nudge Irene Richardson (Molly Vevers) out of the chance of a job as a nanny that might have saved her from becoming Sutcliffe’s third murder victim.

After her, there is Marcella Claxton (Jasmine Lee-Jones), who survives a hammer attack by the man who will soon be tagged “the Yorkshire Ripper” by the media, though the moniker – hated by the families – is barely used in The Long Shadow. She miscarries at four months as a result of the attack. Back home from hospital, we see her gently touching her terrible head wound, trying to see it in the mirror and gauge its extent, with the empty cot in the background – a moving evocation of the literal and metaphorical extent of trauma; how much we want to find its boundaries and how impossible it can be to do so.

The police investigation weaves round the women’s stories, and although it hits many familiar beats, the quality of the writing and presence of the likes of Toby Jones, David Morrissey and Lee Ingleby as the various detectives in charge over the years means that this too is better done than usual. We have come to expect virulent misogyny and racism to be on show in dramas set in earlier decades and involving the police – or any other unwieldy, male-dominated institution – but The Long Shadow succeeds in embedding it more quietly but firmly. It is a way of life, a way of thinking rather than a succession of big instances (though it still has its moments, such as when the detectives’ hospital interview with Claxton turns into an interrogation, as their engineered politeness in front of a black woman begins to fail).

This all means that we better understand how the investigation went so wrong so many times, with even “the good guys” believing that the deaths of sex workers (and assuming that any woman near a known streetwalking area was one) were not worth much effort, or that any woman drunk and out after dark got what was coming to her. And it means we can better see its descendant attitudes now and how insidiously they still work against women. Big, sexist/racist set pieces or a clear divide between bad cops and the angelic few who have managed to transcend their eras allow us to believe that things are different now. The Long Shadow’s subtlety and care denies us such mistaken comfort.

The Long Shadow is on ITV and ITVX in the UK, and on Stan in Australia

==

I hope one day they do the same with the Whitechapel Victims... RIP.

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what do d!word girlie and matty do for vacations with the babies? do they go to a little seaside lodge and take mayhem and have a cosy little week away? or is it more of an abroad holiday, matty playing in the pool with the babies? I’m dreaming of their little family on an evening in Spain, girlie with a cocktail, baba asleep in her pushchair, maybe you and matty having a game of pool.

given that the kids come on tour with you even as babies, i think you and matty decide that - for the first little while, at least - staycations in the uk are kinda the move so it feels more like a holiday rather than work, if you get me. the seaside idea is genuinely adorable: a little cottage on the yorkshire coast somewhere, i think, at the beginning of june before the schools let out, so it's quieter but still summery. i see lyla being around eighteen months old, walking and talking-ish and being so good with her brother, who's maybe four months old at this point and giggles every time she talks to him; they spend a lot of their time in the cottage garden on a picnic blanket having little baby convos and generally just being heart-meltingly cute, mayhem lying beside them like he's babysitting lmao. you and matty start out taking turns keeping an eye on them and playing with them or reading a book and sunning yourself, but it quickly devolves into the four of you (and mayhem) all lying on the grass laughing and playing together. you go to the beach as well, which is really fun - lyla sticks one foot in the water and says it's too cold, so she and you go and explore the rock pools to look for starfish, while matty wades ankle-deep into the sea with alex in his arms and makes him laugh by kicking up the water (and he laughs even louder at mayhem splashing around).

you go to the beach in spain with them too, on their first holiday abroad, when alex is just over eighteen months old and lyla is almost three - she's still not too bothered about the sea (she does like that it's warmer though lol), but alex is a proper little water baby, toddling around in the shallows and smiling the whole time. the sea air and the 5 million sandcastles matty builds with them really do tire them out, so the rest of the day for the kids is just siesta, dinner, bed; they're so tired, though, that they fall asleep on matty in the restaurant after they've eaten, bless them, so as soon as you've finished your marg it's time to go back to the villa. which, honestly, could fit about twenty people - you let matty book it (a mistake, but he insisted) and when you saw it you were like "baby. this is a party villa. we're a family of four with two toddlers", and matty was like "and? we can have a party with them lol. and it's all on one floor, so it's easier to keep an eye on the kids". while the babies are asleep in their room, you and matty are in the games room across the hall, playing pool and air hockey (which matty was shocked by your prowess at lol) and table football (which you've both decided you're going to buy for the house back in london). it's a good laugh, and it actually feels a lot like one of your early dates; when you say that to matty, he smiles and says "you're right, sweetheart. it's nice. and it's nice to think back to our first date and compare it to now, the two of us married and on holiday with our kids, but still getting the same butterflies we did back then. don't think i'll ever stop getting butterflies from you, darling, and i don't want to" <3