#farley x shade

[elane-in-the-shadows]

Red Queen Fan Fiction - A Promise Under Flowers

May 13th - Happy Birthday, Diana Farley

A/N 1: Here’s also a new story for her! Featuring Jealous Shade included for @elliemarchetti who’s been asking for this for years. Taking place during Glass Sword chapter 19.

4215 words

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A Promise Under Flowers

Lightning surged from Mare’s hand through the sky and when it hit their silver hunters and their transports, it exploded with Cal’s fire setting them alight. Curses burned Farley’s tongue. Combined, Mare’s and Cal’s powers covered a distance that secured their escape, yet the necessity of escape meant another failure to save newbloods and their families, a loss against Maven.

Farley had stayed a little apart, up on the lookout for more enemies, gun ready. Now she joined the running team, still peeking over her shoulder as Cal and Mare reached her.

Both were out of breath yet appeared awed by their own co-work, Cal nicely rumpled and Mare frizzy with electricity, a shine in her eyes that could turn into a happy smile, if they didn’t face defeat.

Cal approached Farley, touching her arm. “It’s a trap, a tactic I recognize. We have to retreat.” Quickly, he shared rough instructions to proceed, keeping to glance at Mare. Casting aside thoughts of the newbloods they’d at best leave behind to fend for themselves, to maybe be killed or taken hostage, Cal was all professional, knowing what to say, if not for the touch of her arm. Strange he touched her, not Mare, when their longing was palpable. Yet so were the sparks around Mare. Not the time to set her on fire.

“Okay, get the Blackrun ready,” Farley concluded.

“Shouldn’t Shade be back yet?” Mare interjected.

Farley froze. She’d relaxed about him, trusting in his self-preserving ability but if the silvers set a trap, they could’ve caught him with the newbloods.

“… I should’ve gone with him,” she muttered.

Mare gestured. “We get to him now.”

She nodded even though Cal looked dubious. He shook it off; they couldn’t leave Shade behind. Farley handed him a radio. “You know our codes, message us if necessary.” He understood, adding further directions on how to move through the town.

Hopefully, Farrah and Harrick could hide the plane long enough. Hopefully, Shade was alive.

Dashing through the unknown streets was difficult enough, having to rely on the prince’s military teachings. What if Maven’s people varied the scheme? But Farley trusted Cal’s instincts, having learned his and hers worked the same way. She ran with Mare to the newbloods’ home, recalling their data. A man, 58, a woman, 29. A house on heather street. They twisted around corners and climbed fences, hoping to evade any sentinel pursuers. Fighting back would just draw more foes.

Yet as they arrived at the place, they found only two corpses, an elderly couple.

Farley cursed. She was already on the stairs when Mare called her – to the outside. She rushed away – finding Shade bloody and unconscious on a street two houses away.

“Check him!” Mare demanded in a whisper-snarl. She didn’t dare approach, again loaded with sparks. She’d planted herself on the earth to ground herself and charge off. Mare was seducingly powerful yet every day Farley witnessed how it isolated her.

Farley was already next to Shade before she realized how she’d moved there, her hand on his neck. “You promised me forever, you liar,” she hissed.

Nervously, Mare glanced around as Farley was desperate to find his pulse. “We need to get away, we should carry –”

“Before we know how injured he is?” Farley retorted. She could call Cal back, with a few others, though how long would that take? But Shade was breathing, his heartbeat singing to her. She noticed no strongly bleeding wounds yet when he finally reacted, looking into her eyes, it almost melted her heart.

“Silvers …” he groaned. “Attacked … took them out.”

Mare had finished charging herself off and risked a dash around to recon. “Two dead,” she confirmed, and joined them, gripping Shade’s hand. Her gentleness hit Farley.

“Dee,” he urged, slightly recovered. Almost more than me. Farley had to wash it off for good, he was alive.

“Yes,” she agreed, “Get us gone.” Despite their fears, he appeared relieved.

Back on the Blackrun, they could only conclude Shade fainted because of an ability, not a hit or concussion. He would not be able to teleport with such an injury, he said. But he was covered in bruises and his still healing ankle again so twisted he’d need get his crutches back. Farley was thorough with her ministrations and could hardly bring an end to them, even after checking their comrades, to Shade’s irritation.

“Don’t look at me like I might drop dead,” he chided.

Could she be sure he wouldn’t? He’d been hit by a strongarm before he jumped away to kill them and their companion.

They shouldn’t have sent him alone to gather the newbloods but their forces – if they could call them such – were spread thin with several defeats in a row, resulting in injuries, now including Shade. Farley was embarrassed his near loss affected her so, after so much death. When she tried to remember their marks that day, she couldn’t imagine the corpse seen in a hurry was the young woman on their list. Where was she, had she hidden in the town, left behind by Mare and their team, barely escaping Maven?

They didn’t have time to wonder. Mare was as protective as Farley when she pressed for another mission the next day – and leaving Shade behind. Only to arrive to dead bodies again. The day after, they were trapped by their own Whistle associate and found a whole murdered family. Mare freaked out over the dead baby so Farley could barely process it herself. Instead the memory settled in her bones and when she felt sick, it began to taste differently.

She knew she couldn’t afford to chew – or choke – on that. Even if … no matter.

Shade held her at night, aware of her own dead, and shared the weight of his. His pride gambled with his ability, letting him miss how strong he was. How fatal, like the day of his newest injury. He despised using it to kill, and did it anyway.

She could tell him there might be more than duty between them. How she wished for it. Still she let that option wither like she was afraid to answer herself.

Mare had another newblood on their list, reminding them of urgency, the chance to be quicker than Maven.

“Only after confirming his movements,” either Cal or Farley would insist each time, soon flowing back into their routines, Cal with the research, Farley maintaining the notch.

Going through the base’s corridors, she followed Nanny bringing out provisions to the rooms until she closed up to the old woman and stopped dead. “Not need to exaggerate my diligence, Nanny,” Farley called out with a chuckle when she faced her.

Wearing Farley’s features.

Nanny raised her hands, empty now. “Well, I’m done anyway.”

Farley shook her head. “Your ideas for mischief know no bounds.”

“My deceit, my dear,” Nanny countered, lifting one finger to chastise. “I am a weapon with many skills.”

“Absolutely.” Farley bit back a laugh and tucked Nanny by the sleeve. “I’ve been meaning to ask you something.”

Nanny’s brows rose in expectation and Farley supressed her irritation about the topic, as well as facing herself. Her own surprised face was an unusual sight indeed.

Just get it done and say it.

“Your family didn’t appear on our list,” she began, “and as no newbloods, the Guard evacuated them.”

Nanny’s face clamed, waiting.

“So you never … none of them, your children, or grandchildren, showed any abilities?”

Crossing her arms, Nanny stared. “If they weren’t on your list?”

I’m not cowed by my own glare. Farley shrugged. “It was the first time anyone looked for newblood markers. They might be more to it we don’t know yet.”

“Hm.”

“No sign ever, Nanny?”

A shift moved through Nanny, having nothing to do with changing shape. Her gaze went over Farley, toe to head and when their eyes met, Farley didn’t see herself, but the old lady, giving her, undeniably, what had to be called a mom’s stare.

“Why would you, of all people, be so curious about this, Captain?”

She met her own face, so similar to her dead mother, when no had looked at her like that, with this mix of caring and teasing, for several years. Startled, Farley stepped back, barely managing to catch herself. Not fast enough. “I have to plan ahead, take responsibility,” she offered, poorly.

Now Nanny grabbed her by the arm. Her voice was quiet. “And are you doing that …?”

She only felt blood rushing to her head. She needed space to breathe, to think. Even though she knew. Looking down, she said. “I have to be sure.” In truth, she had preferred ignorance, not having to choose. Not worrying over nothing or a misassumption, or rashly reject when she craved to embrace. Not getting attached to what might get lost before it thrived.

This period of waiting should’ve ended with the dead baby yesterday.

Farley straightened, returning to business. “No need to hurry about this topic, Nanny. But if you remember anything –”

“I have no issues with my memories, ma’am.”

It pulled a chuckle from her throat. “Of course not,” she said, and turned around – to run into Shade.

Nanny laughed out loud and Farley, her hand grabbing Shade’s jacket to keep each other from stumbling, glanced back to find Nanny finally returned to her own form. “I’ve been waiting just for this,” Nanny said.

“What?”

With a pat on her shoulder, Nanny made to leave. “See true love recognize the right bride,” she whispered, as if she was narrating a fucking fairy tale.

“I’m not –”, Farley snapped but Nanny was already gone and Shade, right in front of her, blinked as he stabilized his footing, even as he had let go of one crutch.

“What was that?” he asked.

“She –” Farley gathered her bearing, helping him put weight off his weak side. She shook her head, taking Shade’s free hand. “She was delighted to test if you could tell us apart.”

“Hm.” He freed his hand and raised it, his fingers gliding, awfully slow, to her jaw, cupping it as if to inspect her to be sure. An excited shiver ran through her. “The face is flawless, now that you say…” He smirked and one long finger lifted her by the chin so her mind went through the times those fingers made her body sing. His face inched forward, neither closing the distance to a kiss, nor finishing his sentence.

She fixed his eyes in return and that was all they did for then, a pull that froze time.

She swallowed eventually and felt his fingers twitch in reply, his thumb stroking her jawline. She indulged to stay in the frozen moment, to sink into his amber eyes and drink the longing shining in them. “You can have me in whichever way you want,” she said.

His fingers twitched and he blinked. He didn’t retreat but time went on again.

She frowned, stepping back and glancing away, reaching for the dropped crutch. “Did you walk here?” she asked as she handed it to him.

“No, I …” Awkwardness had fallen between them and Farley regretted her advance. It had felt so true to her. In that moment, it was the one right thing she wanted to say. Was it wrong?

Shade pulled himself together, fixing his hold on the crutches. “I teleported. So I cheated, I guess, Jumped straight to you, rather than Nanny.”

Farley nodded, already moving away, back to her lists, preparations and schedules. And yet. “You couldn’t tell us apart by sight?”

He only smiled. It was a promise.

One duty pursued the next. When Farley wasn’t checking the notch and its inhabitants, she organized their training, looked for news on Maven’s movements and assaults, relocated people and ordered their resources. Another assignment loomed for the evening, Mare insisted on it. No one could talk her out of any of them, and what could Farley say? Gathering intel before striking was the only reasonable argument. She already had a hard time moving on from the people they failed to save. She understood Mare’s rush, knew how it was to prefer the fire of action over freezing hesitation – until it burned you.

The demand of their work began to sizzle, she realized even as she went through several lists at the same time just checking their food supplies before the operation. She needed the mundane distraction of it. The sight of that dead baby … it had hit Mare more than anything else in the last weeks. When they’ found it. Afterwards, Mare had returned to steel. That shocked Farley. That moment, Farley’s battle mind was still on as she urged Mare to escape. Only later, the memory made her sick as it ate through her, mixing with her own worries. To witness Mare do the opposite was unsettling.

Farley could be distantly pragmatic in the heat of adrenaline and necessity, and she’d repeated the drill countless times in the last 5 years – ignoring her heart. And her heart, horrifyingly, wondered what would be if she saw her own family slaughtered again. Her own child, that might not exist. She couldn’t even start to imagine. Wouldn’t she be better off without? Yet she found no relief in discovering to be mistaken, only plummeting loneliness.

Meanwhile, Mare moved on, striding into mission after mission like it was the sole thing to do. Maybe it was. Didn’t Farley do the same, filling every minute with work –

“I can take it from here.”

Farley’s head spun to Ada, joining her in the food stash. “I have my system.”

Ada chuckled, taking her by the shoulders. “Yes, I’ve figured it out.”

“You … of course you did.” Farley shook her head. Ada resembled Shade, in the way she glided through their unjust world proudly, with a powerful secret. And Ada was smarter than everyone else, too. She had these perfect manners that flustered Mare, Shade and Kilorn sometimes, but not Farley. Ada’s formality paired with her skills made her the queenliest person Farley could imagine.

She sighed, putting down her pen and papers. “You don’t need to double check.”

Ada merely smiled. “No need to double check,” she agreed, brushing Farley’s arm. “But about the Blackrun …”

“Yes, the Blackrun.” Farley rolled her eyes. “Good I didn’t plan for a break.”

“Glad to share work with you, Captain,” Ada said in goodbye.

A queen indeed, commanding and delegating.

Since the operation was already scheduled, Mare didn’t hound her to argue for it. It was a poor relief, aware that Mare had her expectations anyway. Maybe she was training instead, improving what she and Cal and the other newbloods developed as combo attacks, a thrilling advantage against silvers. Meanwhile, Farley was backup, in this case inspecting the Blackrun for water, armour, weapons, clothes, first-aid-kits, maps, cleaning – with the plane newly daily in use, someone had to take care of this. Just get this done and she could have an early meal and catch a nap. Securing the last first-aid-kit, she stepped on the ramp when a gush tickled her neck.

She spun to find Shade, reclined on a seat, legs stretched out.

He looked up to her, both wired and exhausted. “You have a moment?”

She breathed out. “For you, of course.”

He pointed to his injured leg. “I tried to convince Mare to take me along tonight but she refused.”

“And I should check if you’re healed enough to prove her wrong?”

He shrugged. “Please.”

With a tsk, she retrieved the first-aid-kit and crouched in front of him. The thing was so necessary it was already back in use. “I’m not sure who’s more protective of the other,” she muttered as she delicately undressed his foot, bending it slightly in all directions.

“And where do you fit in?” he asked. His fingers tapped on his knee.

“Being objective, I hope. So Mare believes me and you listen.”

“Oh no, you never tease me at all, don’t you?” he taunted.

Her head jerked up from removing his bandages. “What?” Of course she did, joking with him, but obviously so. She was as honest as she could … dare.

“You totally flustered me before, you know, don’t you?” Shade said.

She swallowed. “I …”

“Saying things like that ... what was that supposed to mean? What do you expect me to do?” He was genuinely upset and yet – it felt like rejection. She had meant it, baring her heart. But what each of them understood was another matter.

She continued her examination, testing his bare ankle now. He winced. “I’m … sor – sad to have confused you.” She held on to his ankle, drawing circles on his skin. She had spoken true, and now had to search for other words. She wasn’t sorry, didn’t want to apologize.

She looked up. “I don’t expect anything of you, that’s what I meant. I’d be … glad to hear your wishes. Try them out.” Back to bandaging, she gathered the supports he needed and started rewrapping.

He grunted. “That’s not what I got. I thought, ‘what could she want, this gorgeous older woman? What could she know that I have no idea of? Have I not been enough?’”

“Shade.” Even as she raised her head, she was flushing hot. Could he really have understood the opposite?

His fingers stopped their drumming, reaching for her hand on his leg. “You must have an idea of how impressive you are. Tall, beautiful, strong, a soldier brave and cunning.” He grimaced. “Scary. And experienced.” Meeting her eyes, he froze – and swallowed. “I mean, I didn’t know if you’d even notice me … as a flirt. And you didn’t, for long. I thought you must have lovers in the Scarlet Guard, most of all –”, he took a breath. “You’re so… stunning. How would I compare?”

Listening with growing surprise, she squeezed his hand to end his ramblings. “But I’m not. Experienced. Not in that way.” His eyes widened and she leaned back, crossing her arms. “Yet, aren’t you? From what Mare and Kilorn say?”

“Um.”

“Are they wrong?” She pinned him with a glare. It was uncomfortable and they had to get through this. Be honest, righting misassumptions.

Finally, he breathed out. “I’ve flirted. Kissing. Hookups. Pining. A boyfriend when I was 16. But nothing … out of the ordinary.” His face burned as much as hers. “And you … you were a long chase.” He smiled.

Softened, she inclined her head. “Because I need to. To be … chased.” She let the word hang on her tongue, testing it.

It was accurate enough.

“I’ve admired my girlfriend Giselle for 4 years before I realized I was in love with her. Even longer before we became a couple. After we broke up …” Death. Homelessness. Loss. The Cause. “I focused on the Guard for 4 years. I didn’t want anyone, even when I had sex two times.”

She’d engaged when her comrades celebrated, reciprocated flirting, even kisses at times, and when her arousal aligned with the occasion, she had taken to bed a woman, a man. And yet, despite those seconds of pleasure, she’d registered no desire for her partner, no lasting wish to be with any person, to do it again. She came to conclude her arousal showed as a physical need, a bodily function in line with her cycle she would better take care of herself, like hunger or thirst.

Only Shade had left her divided, confusing her heart so she assumed it a liar. She used to know the truth: Live for the fight.

“In several years,” Farley said, “I’ve only desired to be with you, to touch you, stay with you, wishing for more. You were a risk I had to figure out. And you waited for me as I took time, didn’t let go when I needed a tether. You took me as a I am and yet you changed me, so I wanted to gamble. You challenge me, all the time, and I want you to keep doing it. In every way.” Their eyes fixed on each other, piercing so hard Shade blushed deeply with the insinuation.

He bent forward and touched her shoulder. “But if you don’t like it?”

She snorted, relaxing her posture. “I suppose scary me will say no then. Or if you’re not good at it,” she added quietly.

That took him aback. “And that’s what I meant! Would I meet your expectations? Get close to you when you’re already close with so many others? Was I to your taste? I noticed you liked me, but in what way? Was I a fool to you? You were so easy with Tristan, so naturally physical I thought you must have been a couple forever. How could I ever be what he already was to you? I wondered how I compared to him every time he talked to me. I didn’t have his muscles, am smaller, thinner, can’t carry you or lift you against a wall – why are you looking like that?!”

She had failed to avoid an aghast expression, causing Shade’s suspicion. With a sigh, she reached for his hand yet needed to gather herself before meeting his eyes, “We’re being true today, aren’t we?” she said. “I’ve been with someone else once, but … also with Tristan.”

Shade looked like he’d been stabbed, to her embarrassment. He’d been right with his worries but also … not. “Like, for an hour, and didn’t care to repeat it, ever again.”

It hardly helped, his shock was too great. He must not have expected to have been right. “You and him …” Shade shook his head. “You were so easy-going, trusting, touching all the time …”

Farley sat up, cupping his cheek. “Because there was no desire between us. We … tried, and didn’t want that. We moved beyond it. If we could do that, part ways and still work together …”

“Do that …” Shade repeated and she didn’t like to think about the pictures in his head now. Her hand brushed his skin, and she added her other to play with his soft, ever-growing hair.

“Have you not listened?” she whispered, and pulled more sweet nothings from thin air. "You're so handsome, your sight gets me through the day, until I can't bear any minute I'm not touching you ..." Her words, her touch, sharing breaths, she put all in to dissemble his jealousy until he recovered, clasping her wrists and finally realizing how near she was, close enough to kiss. He almost did, leaning back at the last moment. “I get it,” he whipered.

Their foreheads touched, even as a shiver ran through him and he cleared his throat. “All this about a dead man,” he muttered.

That erased the foolishness of the moment. Farley held on to him tighter, grounded again on the Blackrun’s floor, waiting for a mission to start, with him, injured.

“Can’t have you end like that as well,” she murmured.

“So you finally promise to not get me killed?” he replied, breaking away to find her gaze.

Her cheek twitched. “Well, in this case, I can’t let you join today,” she said. “You still wince from your aches with every move and your ankle should rest another day or three.”

He groaned, his posture slumping. “If you, Mare and the rest look after yourselves.”

She shifted, fingers combing through his hair to cup the back of his head. Now he glanced up to her. “You don’t look enough after yourself. Almost like I can’t leave you alone.”

With a self-deprecating smile, he closed his eyes. “But you can’t say I’m a terrible soldier in every way.” His eyes opening, he added, “I’d ask for something to look forward to, but this wrecked” – he grimaced – “I’m not sure what I can offer.”

She sucked in a breath at his tease. “Your mouth will do,” and while she blushed, he giggled at the – unintended – double-meaning.

Fingers traced her face again. “In every way, you said,” he said, considering. “I’ll tell you an idea, for the time being.” Gliding off the seat, he sank to his knees and embraced her waist.

“In May, on your birthday, when lilac and wisteria bloom, I will find you, lured by the violets in your eyes, into a porch under the flowers whose shadows throw intricate patterns on your skin, tangled with your curls. I’ll kiss you, on the cheek, and trace the blossoms’ shadows down your neck, your breasts, your legs, your belly and – enveloped in their scent – I will taste what’s sweeter: the bloom or the flowers between your thighs.

“Do you like that?”

She’d forgotten everything but his voice and the images he created, despite the stress she’d felt this day, no, the last weeks. When she regained words, she answered, “It’s enough for now.” What a dream that was, to think of seven months from now. That was as good as forever but time and space left as they kissed. She wished he’d always chase her like this.

A/N 2: I’ve wanted to explore Farley being demi for a while since I do think it fitting her yet I was also irked that the label would mark her as a widowed mother who should stay chaste, faithful and single forevermore. I’ve written other stories where she doesn’t do that so it appears balanced to me telling it this way, just adding another angle to her. Writing this for her birthday, I’ve listened about 800 times to my number one Fade song, Lacey Sturm’s “Faith”, for inspiration, and heavily referenced it in the story. It still hits me. I love these two so much.

@nortaeventcouncil @lilyharvord @mareshmallow @lucy-the-cat @justagirlwholovesstories @averyboterham @imsorryistilllovemaven @groysinjapan @eliimaii @readytolearnmore @maudthebookeater @petergrantkavinsky @freaky-freiday

[steelprisms]

WELCOME TO THE NOTCH! Hi, Tumblr! Looking for a fun community to discuss the Red Queen series by @vaveyard and possibly join in on some events? The lovely @owlways-and-forever and I are running a Discord server where you can chat about your favorite Red Queen characters and ships, fangirl about the books (and upcoming TV show?), share your works, and inspire each other! Please come check it out, all are welcome!: https://discord.gg/CQPSCqrxTV

[imperatrice21]

Ash Prince

"I am the true mastermind," my mother proclaims with a violent laugh.

Something within me fractures.

Gathering my strength, I retort, "No, that would be me."

-

What if Maven didn't truly betray Mare?

🔗 Wattpad 🔗 Archive of Our Own 🔗 Fanfiction.net 🔗 Quotev

[king-maven-calore]

Fade:

“I’m a literature/theology/etc professor, you’re a math professor, it’s my first day and you have no idea who I am and start slating the subject I teach, who do you think you are?”

I made a tiny adjustment to the prompt but I hope you like it darling! 😘😘

This was supposed to be a temporary job. Just something to help her pay back her college loans before she could rush into the fray of revolution and overturn Norta's elites, to then (maybe) go back to the Lakelands and end the oppression of the proletariat there too. 

It's been five years though, and Diana Farley is still teaching history at Saint Victoria Academy. It's not the excellent paycheck that keeps her here, which obviously comes from the pockets of Albanus' wealthiest families. Neither is it the solid friendship she found with most of her colleagues, or the fully stocked coffee bar at the teacher's lounge. What keeps her here, despite her resentment toward the unequal access to quality education of this system, is the fact that she gets to impart knowledge and plant the seeds of radical ideas on eager, inquisitive minds. Her classes are known for prolonged debates and extensive, unconventional reading material.  

The kids (teens, to be more exact) she teaches blossom into new ideas like wildflowers in spring. It's beautiful to witness, and it makes her feel a deep responsibility to the task. So, she keeps showing them the most brutally honest and nuanced versions of historical events. At least until the day the school board decides she's gone too far and fires her. It hasn't happened yet, though she knows it someday will. She's not being paranoid, numerous pearl clutching parents have threatened her with this. Farley could not care less. 

As she makes her way to the teachers' lounge, she sees a temporary in memoriam wall dedicated to Sister Blonos. A picture with a candle underneath. RIP her least favorite colleague.  

It's not that Farley's a bitch, but the nun did call her a wretched commie lesbian on numerous occasions, and outright told her she was going to hell for corrupting children several more. There was no love lost between her and the late Theology teacher. Now, if Blonos had been a bit more like Sister Nanny, the music and theatre teacher, that would have been a whole 'nother story. There's a living example of ‘the Lord's love’ (whatever that means). 

Unsurprisingly, she's the first one to arrive. Everyone else is probably trading summer vacation anecdotes at the parking lot, jokingly moping about school starting again. Farley is actually excited to get back in the trenches of education. Her classroom is all set up already with maps, her laptop loaded with cool diagrams and presentations. She's come armed to this fight.  

She takes her place on the long mahogany table, sitting down on the high-backed leather chair, spins to face the inner grounds of Saint Victoria Academy through the big, ancient windows. 

"...Just try to keep the experiments to a minimum, Miss Barrow. I'm not asking for a lot." 

"How else are the punks going to pay attention? Besides, it was just a few lightbulbs, geesh." 

"It was half the building's electric installation." 

"A cheap price for the treasure of knowledge. Don't tell me how to do my job. You're not the boss of me." 

"I am your superior!" 

"Are you now? That makes quite the HR complain about what you were making me do last night!" 

"You were literally begging—" 

Diana coughs loudly and spins the chair around to let the newly arrived pair know she's there.  

Vice Principal Calore and Miss Barrow (or simply Mare for her) both halt to a stop, paling at the sight of her. Farley can see them mentally calculating whether their angry whispers were loud enough to reach her. In the name of friendship, Farley is willing to play dumb and let her closest co-worker delude herself into thinking that her inappropriate relationship is still a secret. As if no one has seen Calore preparing her coffee how she likes it, every day for two years now. Amongst other glaring sings. 

"Good morning, Mare," Diana fakes surprise without putting too much effort into it. "Sir," she nods at Calore. "How was your summer?" 

"Great!" they reply at the same time, making Mare glare at him. He smooths his tie, lowers his head and walks over to the coffee bar... and starts preparing two cups.  

Farley inwardly rolls her eyes. Seriously, why do they even bother? 

Mare sits down across from her. She starts telling her of the dog she found/adopted, which is a cute story sure, but when the rest of the teachers walk in the lounge, Diana stops listening. 

There are two men she doesn't recognize. One of them is a priest, and that's all the assessment he elicits. The other is a lean man with honey eyes on a handsome, gentle face comprised of soft angles that grant him that perpetually young look. 

Button down shirt, knit vest, slacks, and moccasins outfit straight out of the teacher's section of the rack. The fact that his chestnut curls are forcibly combed flat to the side annoys her for some reason.  

She imagines carding her fingers through the curls to loosen them to their natural state and her breath shallows for a cycle. Not that she cares about appearances but she is not a liar either. Truth is, that is a perfect human being where aesthetics are concerned. 

The man smiles down at Mare and rubs her shoulder, who looks up placing her hand upon his. 

"You're here! Farley, this is my brother. The decent one."  

"Shade?" she remembers quickly. 

He smiles the sort of smile that cures illnesses and lights up rooms, looking at her now. 

"The very one. I'm afraid to ask about what has she told you about the rest of the family." 

"You should be," Diana replies.  

Shade beams and makes a hand gesture toward the free chair next to hers. There are no assigned seats so she tells him that. 

The meeting starts. Calore welcomes them, makes a pun about the blackout incident Miss Barrow caused last year and they all laugh. He sobers up to remind them of Sister Blonos' passing, of the math department hiring a new teacher, then proceeds with other announcements. 

"They should have just saved the time and money from Blonos' class and used it for something worthwhile, for a change," Diana mumbles low enough that only Shade can hear her.  

He subtly slides his chair closer to hers. 

"I'm sure she can't have been that bad.” 

"I won't speak ill of the dead, but I was talking about Theology. There's a useless class if I ever heard of one." 

He blinks several times at her brutal honesty.  

"Don't you think kids have a right to wonder about that which they cannot see?" 

"You mean physics?" Farley interprets the question liberally to make her point. "That's what your sister is here for." 

"Physics phenomena are measurable." 

"And religion is the opium of the masses." 

"Ah Marx, old fella," the corner of Shade's mouth twitches as if they’re sharing a private joke. Something unfurls inside her like a cat placidly stretching under the sun. 

Farley is just a bit impressed a math teacher knows who the quote actually belongs to. 

"Before that, though," Shade proceeds, leaning in so close she can smell his cologne. Damn, it’s really nice. "He writes that religion is the sigh of the oppressed creature." 

Fair enough. Farley finds it hard to look away once her gaze has settled on him. Like trying to lift a spoon from a jar of thick honey, much like the rich color of his eyes.  

She arches an eyebrow. 

"If comfort is what we're talking about then psychology should suffice, or even art. Again, classes we already have." 

"Art is to the soul what religion is to the spirit. That's where theology comes in. To add a different perspective to the way our students can see the world." 

"It creates division and wars. I would know: I teach them." 

"Fear and ignorance create those. Actual knowledge would do the opposite and create mutual understanding,” he whispers passionately. 

"Actual knowledge" she repeats pointedly, "not that archaic bullshit filled with prejudice, meant to maintain the status quo and keep the working class blinded with fairy tales. Theology is delusional garbage." 

Shade stares at her so intently, for so long that it feels as if time has stopped, suspended from a thin thread. Waiting to snap at the first sound or blink. Every fiber in her being is strung up, ready for something to happen. 

"Revolutions are built on faith," he delivers like a killing blow.  

The tension in her releases in the form of all consuming, violent indignation.  

She intends to tell him a long list of real things successful revolutions were based on, ask him who the fuck does he think he is to mansplain this topic to her. "Are you—?!" 

"Thank you for your words, Father Cortez!" Calore claps giving her a look to shut up and pay attention. Shoot, the priest was speaking and she didn't even notice.  

Go to hell Calore, walking HR nightmare. She mentally shouts, squinting her eyes at him, joining on the round of polite applause. 

"We're all happy to welcome you to the math department." 

Wait... if the priest is the math teacher if that means... 

Farley's hands freeze mid applause as she turns to... 

"And the second incorporation this year." Calore smiles and extends his hand in to the chair beside hers. "Shade Barrow. Our new Theology teacher."  

If there is a god, they must be laughing at her. Fuck.  

[bababaka]

Welcome back. To part 2, things i don't like and would change in red queen :)

Part 1 is here

The topic is: the pairings.

Imma just ripp the band aid off.

Shade and Farley

Evangeline and Elane

Cal and Kilorn

Mare and Maven

Now to explaining things.

First let's start with the cannon ones.

Shade. My boy Shade. To be quite honest. I did not want him with Farley. But it is mostly because we don't know much about them, which makes sense. Since we are seeing things through Mare and she is very self centered. But meh. Idk. Don't have a strong opinion of them.

Now. Evangeline and Elane. I could make another part about how Evangeline was shaping to be my fav characterer but the author just botched her(from the beginning mind you!). Uh. So unfair my love. Look. My only complain about these two is: it got a bit anoying. At first, everytime Evangeline metioned Elane i just got so hyped. Then, as things progressed i was hoping Evangeline would stop talking about this woman. Dear god. Like it got too much and it wasn't anything too relevant. Yes. We know you love her, Evangeline. Stop it. It just felt like this relationship was Evangeline's whole characterer with a daddy and mommy issues sprinkled there. And Elane was barely a character, we got to know SO LITTLE about her. Look. I can delve more into this later, when talking about how evangeline had so much potential but it never got to see the light of the page.

Now to the juicy pairings!!!

Cal and Kilorn

Maven and Mare

Lets start from the beginning.

Mare shoudn't have had those 3 boys lusting after her. She is so annoying.

Kilorn and Mare should've gone in any of those ways

Sibling kinda relationship. All the way. Always. They ALWAYS treat the other as a sibling!

Ooor, maybe, it could be "i love you, but not in this way. And i wish i did". As their romantic relatioship progress with the Calore, they go to each other more and more. After confort. And as they are held by the other, a single thought comes to their mind. "I wish it was you."

Tbh this seems like a soulmates au kinda prompt. A great one. A sad oneshot. Hmmm. Beautiful.

Mare and Maven.

With those two, i want something sickening, sordid, visceous. They are so obssessed with each other. Even though they shouldn't be.

Mare is the propaganda girl of the red army (or whatever, i don't remember the name in english), her ideals, her goals, all of it is a threath to Maven's. And vice versa. And yet...

They are bad for each other and yet.

Maven's feelings for Mare couldn't be erased by his mother.

Mare's was something that grew on her. First as love for that boy she used to know and then as hatred for the monster she later meets.

But this, the monster inside him, the emptyness of it all, just called to her. Made something horrendus, crawling, red inferno, disgusting and viscous like blood.

The anger she felt. The monster inside her had his name. And the beast inside him had hers.

Have no doubt, these two are toxic as hell. They hurt each other.

They are violent. They are loving. They are crazy. They are in love. They are obssessed.

I don't know if those two would fit in the same books as the others, because their tone is pretty dark. But maybe in amidst the series, (perphaps the third book?) they'd get a sole book narrated only by them.

the thing is, Maven is already on dark side. Mare just has to surrender herself to it.

But at the end, she would kill him. It matters not if she is dark or in love with Maven. She is loyal to her cause.

It would be such a wonderful scene. It maybe could be narrated by Maven.

"At the end, as the air leaves him, his vision was only Mare, droplets of tears falling into him, that he could not feel anymore. All he felt was her hands. Calloused.

It felt like a lovers embrace. Lulling him to sleep."

I don't know. But something along those lines. And aaaaah, me would cry and weep and moan and kakfkdnckdnd this would be a gem.

And then we would have our babyboy Kilorn and Cal.

Kilorn is a true red. And yes i did worded it in a bad way. I mean it in "he has no powers" and "he is part of the opressed".

I think Kilorn would help Cal understand, truly, how the reds suffer. How they are abused and scorned just for being considered lesser than. How afraid they are. How being powerless in this world can be daunting and make you feel hopeless in a cruel world where silvers consider and act as gods. And with their powers, they might as well be to the reds.

"'Do you think of yourself as a god, Tiberias?'

The question startles Cal at same time it enrages him. Of course not! But before he can say another word, Kilorn turns his attention to the people in front of him. Confused. Scared. Woeful. Mournful.

"I only see a scared boy. A flawed person. Who bleeds. Who yearns and dream. We are not that different."

Everything Cal did was for Mare. Kinda cute. But not really. I'd like if he truly changed his views. Saw how HIS people suffered. All through Kilorn's pov and doubts and fears.

Also Kilorn is a man of the sea. Of the nature. He would bring the taste of freedom to Cal. And that could be such a good paralel to Evangeline. While she had a taste of what could be and didn't want go back, wouldn't go back. Cal saw what could be, free. Without weight, expectations. And even then, he just couldn't let go of his past. Of his father. Of his legacy.

"It is everything i have left."

Maybe, they could even have a cute little scene in the sea learning how to fish. And getting over Cal's fear of the "ocean".

Cal would show to Kilorn that not all Silvers are bad. He is good right?? Thats gotta count for something!

He would try to assuage Kilorn's hatred for the silvers. For a while, it would work.

At the end, when Cal makes a tough choice, Kilorn is there, trying to stop him.

"Show me! You told me not all silvers are bad, then show me. Don't do it, Cal. Please."

Or to be a little more fitting to Kilorn he just storms out.

"He should've known. All damn Silvers are the same.

Breath in, breath out.

He doesn't look at Cal's face. Nor Mare's, Shade's or Farley's. He just storms out of the room.

He doen't know where he is going. That doesn't stop him.

Breath in, breath out.

He keeps going. And going. And going. And going.

BREATH IN, BREATH- DAMN IT!

He shouts to the heavens. All the rage and pain.

And heartbreak.

Damn it all. Why is his chest hurting so much?

Damn you, Cal.

He only noticed he is in the florest when he see the grass beneath him getting soaked by his tears."

Tbh, i actually want them to have a happy ending.

Cal and Mare? I think they would have a relationship much like Mare had with Farley. We are fighting together. You are dating someone i care for. That's it. Maybe could've delved a bit more, like "yaaaay bffs" but nah, dont think so. Tbh, i just don't wanna think about them. But yeah. Maybe friends. But not too close.

Next topic: how i hate how strong Mare is and how my baby Evangeline was wronged.

And it is here :)

[sunnyxjarrus]

I’m not okay I am reading King’s Cage and they just passed the payer gate and I am about to break down in tears but I am on my way back from Georgia with my parents and siblings so I can’t cry because my sister is judgmental and will mention it to anyone she sees and then I realized that Steel scars was published after King’s Cage so I am just trying not to break over the references

[vivisandg]

Characters I will write for:

Guidelines click HERE

The Maze Runner:

Newt-smut, fluff, angst…smut, and also smut

GALLY MF EYEBROWS- smut, smut, smut, fluff, angst, smut, smut, and more smut

Minho??- idk anything ig

Thomas, Brenda, Frypan, Aris, Alby, Ben↖️

Criminal Minds:

SPENCER REID- smut, fluff, idk abt angst 🤷‍♀️, but LITERALLY ANYTHING THIS IS MY FAV WHITE BOIII

Morgan(other eyebrows)- anything aside from angst

Hotch, Rossi, Luke, Matt, and literally every other guy is just idk

Garcia Babes- nothing but tooth rotting fluff for our favorite baby girl

J.J- angst??, idk abt smut for her, but defo fluff

Emily- everyfrickingthing alright?

Percy Jackson/HoO:

Percy- smut, angst, fluff

Jason- anything but angst

LUKE PRETTY BOY CASTELLAN- I will write smut to your hearts’ content with this boy, or fluff or angst, with him I’m not picky 🫢🫶🏼

Grover?? And every other guy in both series- anything ig

Annabeth- no angst, but we love fluff for this girl, maybe smut

Hazel and Piper- idk for them, but fluff is a 100%

Clarisse- idk, I’ll write what you want

Hunger Games:

Katniss as well as every other girl- anything you want

⬆️except Annie, and Prim is excluded- ONLY FLUFF for this girl

Peeta and FINNICK- smut mostly, but fluff and angst are good, too

Gale(I don’t like him either, but u can’t deny that he’s hot)- smut, angst is a not js bc, and fluff is possible I think

Haymitch if u want- anything

Divergent:

Every girl- anything

Tobias and MATTHEW- SMUT SMUT SMUT and fluff and some angst

Peter??- ehh anything ig

I think that’s all

Red Queen:

Mare and Farley-smut

Maven, Shaed, Cal, Kilorn- anything and everything

Young Elites:

Adelina and every girl except Violetta- anything

All the guys- anything and EVERTHING

The Giver??:

Jonas??- fluff or smut if you can come up with that

Twilight:

JASPER- smut, fluff

Emmet and Edward(maybe Carlisle)- angst, smut, fluff

Alice- FLUFF FOR OUR GIRL

Bella- idk??

How to train you Dragon:

Hiccup- smut and fluff

VIGGO FRICKIN GRIMBORN- LITERALLY ANYHTING I WILL WRITE ANYTHING FOR THIS MAN

Eret son of a beautiful mf Eret: Smut and smut and smut and more smut, ofc fluff and maybe angst, too. Angst is around thw, there’s a fic of pregnant reader x eret called a hidden world or sm that is close to what i mean

Any other guy from any movie or series, including villains from the series

The girls are everything

Harry Potter:

FRED MF WEASLEY- smut and more smut, fluff and maybe angst

TOM RIDDLE- hardcore smut, a little fluff bc in my head our boy has a heart, angst but I might cry

Draco: smut, fluff, I don’t want to do angst but ig I can

Everyone else, literally- anything ig

Fantastic Beasts and where to find them:

Newt- smut, fluff

Theseus(idk I have an obsession with him)- mostly smut, but anything goes

Everyone else is anything

Fifty Shades of Grey:

Christian-smut and fluff no angst

That one rlly hot body guard form either the second or third movie that had to “help Ana in the library” ifykyk him- Smut bc i think he’s hot

Ana- anything

Everyone else- ehh idk just ask sm for them

[gloomzombie]

Rules

Even though I haven't gotten requests as of now, I figured I'd go ahead and do this. I only have creepypasta stuff out right now, but I will write for more than that :). I'll probably add to this, though.

Creepypasta/Marble Hornets:

Jeff the Killer

Jane the Killer

Nina the Killer

Ticci Toby

Tim Wright/Masky

Brian Thomas/Hoodie

Slenderman

Eyeless Jack

Bloody Painter

Nurse Ann

Jason the Toymaker

Laughing Jack

I will add more creeps eventually, these are just the ones I've already written small stuff for in the past therefore feel more confident in the way I write them :)

Red Queen:

Mare Barrow

Shade Barrow

Diana Farley

Tiberias Calore

Maven Calore

Evangeline Samos

Elane Haven

Kilorn Warren

Cameron Cole

Stardew Valley:

Sebastian

Alex

Sam

Abigail

Penny

Haley

Emily

Same thing from the Creeps, I only have the characters I've personally made good friends with (at least 8 hearts) or romanced (at least 10). The bachelor(ette)s I haven't listed are just ones I don't know very well therefore wouldn't write for accurately.

Harry Potter

Harry Potter

Hermione Granger

Ron Weasley

Draco Malfoy

Luna Lovegood

My Hero Academia

Izuku Midoriya

Shoto Todoroki

Kyoka Jirou

Ochaco Uraraka

Tomura Shigaraki

Dabi

Twice

Himiko Toga

Death Note

Light Yagami

L

Misa Amane

What I'll write for:

Scenarios

Headcanons

X M! Reader

X Gn! Reader

X F! Reader (Strictly for wlw)

X Specific! Reader (ex: chubby, trans, poc, etc.)

Red Queen Canon Relationships (cal x mare, eva x elane, etc.)

Sebastian X Sam

Sebastian X Abigail

Abigail X Haley

Light X L

No Romance

Smut (Canon characters, Amab readers, or Afab readers)

Fluff

Angst

Extreme violence or gore

Alcohol usage, drug usage, smoking

Religious trauma

AUs

Specific kinks (To an extent; if it's something I don't feel comfortable with writing, I will reply to your ask stating such and add it in the will not write section)

What I will NOT write for:

Non-con

Piss, Scat, Vomit kink

Vore

Religion

Fetishes

Creepypasta X Creepypasta

MHA Canon X Canon

Evangeline X M! Reader

Elane X M! Reader

Alex X F! Reader

Maven X Canon

Misa X Canon

Polyamory

Yandere

I also will not take requests for full length fanfic books. I come up with the ideas for those myself.

For those wondering about the Creep X Creep stuff, I genuinely don't think any of the creeps would make good couples. Same with MHA, I don't "ship" any of the characters I write for. Same with Maven X Canon. He's an ass to all of them, and Mare would never go back to him even reformed (imo).

I also don't know enough about how yandere characters work, so until I figure that how I won't write for it. Same with polyam; I myself am not poly and I feel I don't know enough about that to really write for it. Nothing against poly people of course.

I will typically keep anything PG gender neutral with no physical descriptors. In smut, I will write for both AMAB and AFAB readers so you must specify in your request along with the pronouns you want me to use. If you don't specify the pronouns, I'll use they/them. If you don't specify the sex, I can only write smut where the reader isn't receiving anything. Specifying could mean describing the parts they have in the request or using the pronouns as well.

So for the way I will write things is if you ask "(Male character) X female reader" I will not write it for a female reader, I will write it gender neutral. However, I will write wlw so if you ask "(Female character) x female reader" I will write it. I will write any character x male reader specifically because male readers dont get shit and even when we do a good bit of it is written by 13 year old girls who fetishize us (speaking from experience) and it's obvious; unless that is a lesbian character, I will write it with a male reader. This is again because female readers tend to get a lot more fanfiction written for them and its tiring for male readers, along with gn and trans readers too. Will I write specifically for trans women? Trans women barely get fics too, however if it's a request that doesn't have anything to do with what your agab (assigned gender at birth) is, then there's no reason for me to write it. You would be referred to and written like a cis woman would be. Smut is different, but I already talked about that.

For the creeps, I will eventually write out my basic HCs for all the ones I write for (basic as in age, name, height, likes, dislikes, etc.). It probably won't be any time soon so don't wait up on it LMAO. I'll probably do that for Stardew Valley and maybe Red Queen too. I'm not sure about any of my other fandoms yet.

Anything I miss will be added later. This was only proofread once so sawry if there's mistakes

[lucien-calore]

Welcome to my blog!! My name is Amanda, my pronouns are she/her and I'm a proud Brazilian. I'm a huge extrovert, so i love talking to people!!

READ MY DNIF (DO NOT INTERACT IF) LIST BEFORE FOLLOWING

JUST SCROLL DOWN AND I PROMISE YOU'LL FIND IT

My fandoms:

Red Queen Series by Victoria Aveyard

Throne of Glass series by Nehemia Ytger

A Court of Thorns and Roses series by Lucien Vanserra

Harry Potter series by Emma Watson

The Grishaverse by Leigh Bardugo

The Folk of the Air series by Holly Black

The Riordanverse in general

Top Gun: Maverick

Peaky Blinders

My Favorite Characters

Red Queen

Tiberias "Cal" Calore VII

Kilorn Warren

Lucas Samos

Evangeline Samos

Elane Haven

Iris Cygnet

Throne of Glass:

Chaol Westfall

Dorian Havilliard

Manon Blackbeak

Elide Lochan

Yrene Towers

Nesryn Faliq

Lorcan Salvaterre

Aedion Ashryver

A Court of Thorns and Roses

Lucien Vanserra

Azriel

Elain Archeron

Gwynneth Berdara

Nesta Archeron

Eris Vanserra

Helion

Lady of Autumn

Harry Potter

Draco Malfoy

Theodore Nott

Blaise Zabini

Luna Lovegood

Ginny Weasley

Narcissa Malfoy

James Potter

Regulus Black

Sirius Black

Remus Lupin

Dorcas Meadowes

Marlene McKinnon

The Grishaverse:

Kaz Brekker

Inej Ghafa

Jesper Fahey

Wylan Van Eck

Nina Zenik

Matthias Helvar

Zoya Nazyalensky

Nikolai Lantsov

Genya Safin

David Kostyk

Alina Starkov

Tolya Yul-Bataar

Tamar Kir-Bataar

The Riordanverse

Jason Grace

Percy Jackson

Piper McLean

Nico Di Angelo

Will Solace

The Folk of The Air

The Ghost

Cardan Greenbriar

Jude Duarte

Top Gun: Maverick

Jake "Hangman" Seresin

Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw

Natasha "Phoenix" Trace

Peaky Blinders

Esme Shelby-Lee

John Shelby-Lee

Finn Shelby

Thomas "Tommy" Shelby

Ada Thorne née Shelby

Elizabeth "Polly" Gray née Shelby

Elizabeth "Lizzie" Shelby née Stark

Arthur Shelby

Gina Gray née Nelson

My Favorite Ships:

Red Queen

Calorn (Cal x Kilorn)

Marecas (Mare x Lucas)

Evane (Elane x Evangeline)

Evare (Evangeline x Mare)

Sharley (Shade x Farley)

Throne of Glass

Chaorian (Chaol x Dorian)

Malide (Manon x Elide)

Nesrene (Nesryn x Yrene)

Rowcan (Rowan x Lorcan)

Fenaedion (Fenrys x Aedion)

Sorchahemia (Sorcha x Nehemia)

Celehemia (Celaena x Nehemia)

Herrin (Hollin Havilliard x Terrin Westfall)

A Court of Thorns and Roses

Luzriel (Lucien x Azriel)

Gwynlain (Gwyn x Elain)

Neris (Nesta x Eris)

Helloa (Helion x LOA)

The Folk of The Air

Ghardan (The Ghost x Cardan)

Jucasia (Jude x Nicasia)

Harry Potter

Dreo/Dragonott (Draco x Theo)

Linny (Luna x Ginny)

Jegulus (James x Regulus)

Wolfstar (Remus x Sirius)

Dorlene (Dorcas x Marlene)

Pandalily (Pandora x Lily)

Narlily (Narcissa x Lily)

Nobleflower (Narcissa x Alice)

The Grishaverse

Helnik (Matthias x Nina)

Wesper (Jesper x Wylan)

Tolnej (Tolya x Inej)

Kazper (Kaz x Jesper)

Zoyalai (Zoya x Nilolai)

Gevid (Genya x David)

Genyalina (Genya x Alina)

Zoyalina (Zoya x Alina)

Zonya (Zoya x Genya)

Darkolai (The Darkling x Nikolai)

The Riordanverse

Jercy (Jason x Percy)

Pipabeth (Piper x Annabeth)

Valdangelo (Leo x Nico)

Reynalia (Reyna x Thalia)

Frazel (Frank x Hazel)

Top Gun: Maverick

Sereshaw/Hangster (Hangman x Rooster)

Payboy (Payback x Fanboy)

Peaky Blinders

Jesme (John Shelby x Esme Shelby)

Pollyrama (Polly x Aberama)

Finnsiah (Finn Shelby x Isaiah Jesus)

DO NOT INTERACT IF:

• you are a manorian shipper

• you are a maven calore fan/stan/defender/apologist

• you are pro the inner circle

• you are anti any of my favorite characters and/or ships (specifically chaol, chaorian, malide, nesrene, cal, calorn, draco, jason and/or jercy)

• you are pro sjm and/or jkr

• ANTI ZIONISTS

i hope you enjoy your time here and feel free to message me and/or send me an ask anytime!!

[king-spite]

ཐི ♱₊ཋྀ⛧°.⋆༺♱༻⋆.°⛧⋆♱✮♱⋆

♕︎ WELCOME TO MY BLOG ♕︎

ཐི ♱₊ཋྀ⛧°.⋆༺♱༻⋆.°⛧⋆♱✮♱⋆

ཐི⋆ Previous bio ⋆ཋྀ

♱ Icarus ✦ 19 ✦ 🏳️‍⚧️ ✦ he/they/fae ✶ Maven Calore apologist first, human being second. #1 Mare defender + Calore brothers Connoiseur ✦ Fang Runin's & Touya Todoroki's defense lawyer ✦ MULTIFANDOM ✦ red queen, the poppy war, grishaverse, tbosas, pjo, dune, got/hotd, infinity train, gravity falls, atla, mha, aot, csm ✦ 📚CR: The Dragon Republic, The Movie Book ▪︎ PROSHIPS, TERFS, ETC DNI ▪︎

my socials r below!! :]

: ̗̀➛ ♱ ABOUT ME ♚

hi there ! call me Icarus! :]

♱ 19 yo, white

♱ nonbinary transsexual first and foremost 🏳️‍⚧️. transmasc genderfluid (mostly demi-male). bisexual + greyromantic/arospec (?)

♱ pronouns: he/they/fae/rot/igni (she > ask before using)

♱ basque (bzk) (spanish)

♱ languages: 🇪🇦, 🇩🇪, 🇺🇲, (🇲🇫 , a little). (currently learning 🇹🇩 + 🇷🇺)

♱ ☀️ ♏︎ , ⬆️ ♌︎ , 🌙 ♉︎ . INFJ ⅘

♱ 89% chances of being OCD + Maybe??autistic?/NPD?(??). definitely some flavor of neurodivergency. idek but i have things to do so i don't have time to think about that right now! :))))

: ̗̀➛ INTERESTS 🗝 ༝ ✍︎

✎ Literature, film, art, animation, poetry, linguistics. Politics, philosophy and history, art history, queer history, ocasionally. Also anime and cartoons. also drawing, writing, reading, etc etc.

✎ more fandom-centred, but will post about any of the above ^ as well.

✎ VERY multifandom

ೃ⁀➷ MAIN FANDOMS :

Red Queen series, The Poppy War series, The Hunger Games/TBOSAS, Percy Jackson series, Dune series, My Hero Academia, Grishaverse, ATLA, Infinity Train, Gravity Falls, Attack on Titan, Chainsaw Man, HoTD

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･

📚 LITERATURE ☕︎

❦︎ Currently reading: The Dragon Republic, The Movie Book, El Infinito en un Junco

☆ Favorite genres:

(high) fantasy, horror, sci-fi, gothic lit, classic lit, OE/ME lit, speculative fiction, anything "dark academia".

☆ Favorite books/series:

Red Queen series, The Hunger Games, The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes, The Poppy War, Grishaverse, the Picture of Dorian Gray, anything (and I mean it) by Donna Tartt, Terry Pratchett or R. F. Kuang. and many, many more.

ꨄ︎ Other Things I reblog stuff about:

͟͟͞͞➳ CARTOONS

The owl house, Arcane, Voltron, etc

͟͟͞͞➳ TV SHOWS

Hannibal, Interview with the vampire, His Dark Materials, etc

͟͟͞͞➳ BOOKS (other)

Miss Peregrine's House for Peculiar Children, A Series of Unfortunate Events, etc etc etc

͟͟͞͞➳ ANIME

Fullmetal Alchemist, Banana Fish, Monster, Neon Genesis Evangelion, Devilman Crybaby, Nana, etc etc. Big fan of psych horror anime!

͟͟͞͞➳ Studio Ghibli, 80/90s anime

͟͟͞͞➳ PODCASTS

The Magnus Archives, Welcome to Night Vale

ೃ⁀➷ FANDOMS:

👑 RED QUEEN ⚡️

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Summary if you don't wanna read all this cause i have MANY opinions about these books:

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#1 Mare defender, #1 Maven apologist (it's complicated). If you dislike Cal Calore you need to die. If you genuinely ship Mare and Maven you need to die also. If you hate Evangeline you are wrong. If you hate Elara you're right, but also very boring. If you think Mare or Evangeline are white, you need to reread the books. No Kilorn hate allowed here thank you very much. House Calore and House Merandus enthusiast.

SHIPS

Leader of Thomaven + Mareven nations (I don't actually ship Mare and Maven romantically, their canon dynamic just has been keeping me clinically deranged and unhinged and feral for years. like I adore them but please don't become canon ever. (actual mareven shippers who think they should end up together pls DNI :))

Maven x Iris enthusiast (is there a ship name for them??? if there is please someone correct me). Started as a crackship now we're here

Marecal #1 supporter + #1 Evangelane enthusiast !! also like Shade x Farley a whole lot! :)

Coriara enthusiast too (let me be delusional idk. comphet hit them both hard).

Not much of a fan of Kilorn x Cameron, don't rlly mind the ship either.

CHARACTERS

Can u believe I'm a junior college student and yet I have a PhD in Maventology. He is THE character ever. sorry if you are a writer creating characters you can stop now. every writer can stop writing characters because they will never be Him. actually. btw. Also he needs to stop... His looks too demure... his bitch pose too nasty... his behavior too BPD... they're gonna kill him😔. Consult me before doing as much as thinking about him thank you. I am absolutely not chronically clinically insanely deranged about him. I like him a normal, healthy, and perfectly stable and definitely not autistic amount. I do not relate to him on a level that is embarrassing to disclose at all, he absolutely isn't "just like me fr fr". Also he fucked up bad but god forbid a bisexual guy with 87 mental illnesses and 56 personality disorders be a little bit of a silly goofy jester. he didn't "steal his brother's throne" he was literally kingmaxxing and on his period leave him alone. my poor little meow meow my loser boyfriend my 3-apples-tall son my whole lifeline.

Definitely a Maven apologist but also he DID do everything wrong and was an awful, horrible person and if you don't acknowledge that I'll get Very angry. His death was necessary but also he didn't deserve it but dooming himself to that fate was his own choice but also it wasn't. yknow how it is. If you perceive him in the wrong way i will eat my own organs and probably yours too and then kill myself immediately. it IS that serious to me. So, toxic Maven stans who loooove him but haaate Mare and Cal with a passion And also sexualize Maven to filth BIG DNI. you're WEIRD!! you need to STOP!!

Also dm me before speaking on Mare Barrow or Cal Calore, please and thank you. they consume my every-waking thought, both individually and as a ship :)) Also Mare is trans and this is a canon fact she told me herself. Also a Huuuuuuge Mare enthusiast. she was my fav before Maven for a REASON!! (and is my 2nd fave rn). they hate to see a girlfailure committing war crimes🙄 i stand with my cancelled daughter leave her alone

Speaking of cancelled wives. Also incredibly devoted to Evangeline Samos and Iris Cygnet (who literally didn't do a single thing wrong btw! god forbid lesbians do anything).

Also Evangeline hatred is absolutely not deserved and NOT welcome here. AND don't mention the whole "Who's the worst mother Larentia or Elara" thing to me because if you do I'll steal your kneecaps.

BIG Kilorn Warren, Shade Barrow, Cameron Cole and Coriane Jacos enthusiast. AND Elara Merandus enthusiast (and borderline apologist. free my woman she did all of that but who fucking cares. Merandus rizz wins smh).

RELATIONSHIPS

CEO of the Calore brothers. Their toxic doomed siblingism Cain/Abel complex is off the charts and no other pair of siblings will get to their level i fear. Sorry they are THE brothers ever everyone else can go home. No one understands them like I do (u can trust me i have older sibling issues). and again pls do consult me before speaking on them. The amount of mental illness they give me every single minute of my life is beyond human comprehension and they make me soooo miserable beyond belief and the amount of love i have for them is immesurable and they don't even know it !!😔

Jacos siblings, Cole siblings enthusiast.

PhD in Merandus family-tology - and with Merandus family I mean Elara and Maven. Like that's literally me and my mom what are u talking about. every time i think about them i age up 89 years they make me convulse and shriek on the floor. being BOTH a Maven AND an Elara apologist is hard and quite literally impossible but I know god gave me this journey for a reason🫶

Also House Merandus, House Jacos + House Calore (more lowkey) enthusiast

I loooove Mare and Maven in ways that are impossible to grasp for the human mind and their canon dynamic consumes my every-waking thought. But if you genuinely ship them and wanted them to be paired together after RQ 1 you need help and i'm not kidding. how are people supporting shipping an abusive guy with the girl he abuses and they'll go and say it WITH THEIR WHOLE CHEST TOO half the fandom needs to DIE actually. you guys are not right in the head. also do NOT try to explain your fuckass arguments as to why Mareven is soooooo much better than Marecal and why Mare was actually in love with Maven after everything (??????) I do not wish to hear it!!! I WILL block you!! And kill myself in front of you to forever change the course of your life!!!thanks!!

Note and final comment! Hate the Calore brothers all you like (ur wrong, but it's allowed ig) but Mare haters are NOT welcome in this blog (especially the ones that call her "annoying". get a grip ❤️).

🧧 THE POPPY WAR 🔥

Fang Runin, Yin Nezha and Chen Kitay are all my children and under my protection. RinNezha are my parents who raised me.

Rin falls under the same category of Blorbo as Maven btw. She is Blorbo Premium. I think people should stop writing female main characters because they will Never be Her and they want to be her so bad but they never will. btw. Because she is the only main character that's EVER existed. btw. Have been deranged obsessed with her losergirl bisexual BPD ass since day 1 . I stan forever with my cancelled wife🤞🤞

Also incredibly obsessed with Jiang (as a father. of Rin and Altan specifically). Crazy white-haired middle-aged shamans will see two rabid Speerly kids and be like "is anybody gonna adopt that" and not wait for an answer

Also! Chagaltan enthusiast (they fucked nasty multiple times in canon it's 100% true they told me). I love Altan Trengsin the normalest healthiest amount as well :)))

The dynamic I love most BY FAR are Rin and Kitay's friendship tho. don't mention them to me or I WILL bawl my eyes out and you WILL hear about it.

(I've only read the first book, so I know no further spoilers!!!).

edit: reading the second book now. i am pledged to Rin Kitay and Nezha's friendship. everytime they fight i eat my own organs. also MUCH more obsessed with Chaghaltan. toxic doomed yaoi my belovedest <3

🐍THE HUNGER GAMES/TBOSAS 🌹

Consult me before speaking on Snowplinth or Coriolanus or Sejanus individually thank you very much. Also like Snowbaird a lot (not as a ship!). Coriolanus Snow is bisexual and OCD/BPD yes it's a canon fact he told me himself. Lucy Gray Baird defender (can't believe I have to say it but some of you have god awful takes on her omg).

# Peeta Mellark enthusiast. also Everlark, Haymitch, Cinna and Johana enthusiast. Also like Katniss a lot lot she deserved none of that!! Sort of Gale apologist (didn't like him at first, think he is WAY overhated now).

Also fuck Jennifer Lawrence she is NOT Katniss Everdeen and never was!!!

also I am normal and sooo patiently waiting for Sunrise on the Reaping🥴 soooo patiently🥴

❄️ MY HERO ACADEMIA 🔥

Touya apologist, LoV apologist, Shigadabi/Dabihawks and Togachako enthusiast. Also Hawks, Lady Nagant, Overhaul, Aizawa, Shinsou enthusiast. Todoroki family enthusiast too, especially Touya and Natsuo (Ende*vor not included). Touya Todoroki is not just family but my whole lifeline and he deserved better. Tenko Shimura is my son that I gave birth to myself and he deserved SO much better also. All LoV members deserve better and No you can't save someone by killing them :))) Don't ask me about 430 I am still waaaay too angry. And incredibly disappointed. And in Horikoshi's walls.

♦️ GRISHAVERSE ♠️

Kanej and Wesper lover. Kaz Brekker and Nikolai Lantsov CEO, Jesper Fahey and Nina Zenik enthusiast :)

SoC lover but also SaB enjoyer (+ tv show SaB enjoyer too). If you "are in love with" the Darkling kindly stay away from me. If you hate him and hate that he's a bad guy (psa he's the literal villain) and are all whiney about it stay away from me also. idk I don't really care about the dude. I don't like him but still think he's a well-written character. Malina defender (though I don't really care about them either :/ ).

🌪🔥 ATLA 🌊🌱

consult me before speaking on Azula or Zuko thanks :] (I don't really care much about ships in this fandom, so I don't really have strong opinions about it lol. Still, i'm more of a Kataang and Sokka x Suki enthusiast). If you hate Katara or Aang I hate you <3

Also the whole Zutata vs Kataang ship is tired. If ur a Zuko stan AND a toxic Zutara shipper get out, idc. I think they're cute but Kataang is cuter. and then again idrc about ATLA ships too much

⚔️ ATTACK ON TITAN 🩸

Eren, Armin, Jean enthusiast. Don't really care for ships in this anime either, except maybe Jeanmarco and Historia/Ymir. Not a big fan of Eremika or Eremin (I like them way more platonically), but again idrc. the only thing I really care about is my mental health after watching this

♾️ INFINITY TRAIN 🚃

Simon Laurent #1 Connosieur. thank god Infinity Train is not that famous and I can gatekeep this bpd/ocd-ass blond gay twink demon. I might like Simon and Grace a little bit, they might make me a little bit sick (in a non-ship way!!!!!). Also am a Lake enthusiast and canon-trans-Lake truther, and Amelia is very cool too. Sure would haven been very cool if we'd seen her and Hazel make a found family :)))) sure would be :))) Also! season 4 defender and Ryan Akagi enthusiast. Also Min-Gi did nothing wrong he was just going through some things!).

🪚 CHAINSAW MAN 🩸

Denji enthusiast, Aki Hayakawa's #1 lover. no one gets his sadboy eyes look and lack of wanting to save himself like I do. Also #1 Akiangel enthusiast. Also Nr 1 Hayakawa family (that is Denji, Aki and Power) enthusiast. found family save me found family save me found family. Also Makima enjoyer. god forbid women be batshit crazy 🙄

🍲 DUNGEON MESHI 🍙

Touden siblings #1 enthusiast. Also Kabru, Labru and Farcille enthusiast. Yes I stole Laios' name. Because I love him

🏜 DUNE 🪱

I've only watched the movies, but it's enough to know that Chani deserves better, that Jessica served intergallactic lesbian pussy for almost three hours straight, and that blue-eyed white men must be stopped (still love Paul tho). House Harkonnen enthusiast.

🛡 HOUSE OF THE DRAGON 🐉

Rhaenicent lover and defender, Alicent apologist (what did she do wrong, really), Aegon II enthusiast but in a I want him to die a horrible death because he sucks Way. yknow how it is. Also if you hate Alicent you NEED to kys and if you dislike her I actively don't trust you. Helaena enthusiast and absolute defender. Don't mention Alicent's relationship with either Aegon or Helaena or i WILL convulse on the floor. Team Blue (team women). Love some of the blacks, don't really love most their fans that much :)) . More plot-/individual characters-focused than team-focused, really. if you are blatantly misogynistic towards ANY female hotd character (yes, including the ones you hate), gtfo of this blog.

***

~ I reblog art, writing, poetry and fandom stuff, but above all I reblog Silliness :)

TW‼️

// I reblog body horror/gore/sensitive stuff sometimes (usually tagged as such). If they're not tagged with a "tw: gore/body horror/blood" , they're under #🔪 or #🩸.

🚫 DNI

- terfs, transmeds, proshippers, pro-israel freaks (just bigots or weirdos in general.)

☆ SOCIALS ☆

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[elane-in-the-shadows]

February 2nd - Happy Birthday, Shade Barrow!!

A/N 1: The deeper I thought about writing more Imagine Shade Was Still Alive stories, I realized I had to confront a certain aspect that soon revolved a specific image (guess which). This alternate concept takes place roundabout the King’s Cage chapters 16/17 (stress on alternate – I picked a date here but I can only assume when exactly it was in KC so the changes make it happen right then 😉).

Now in full length here on tumblr!!

Find this on Wattpad

Hidden Intentions

This door posed no resistance. Voices drifted through and became louder as Shade jumped inside, cleaving to the corner of the room as he counted three persons sitting on a bed crammed into an office. “… You’re sure this works? It’s not too demanding?” “It was your idea to ask, I just saw to it!” A helpless laugh escaped her throat and Shade startled as he recognized his sister. Before her brown eyes found him, the third touched her hand, winning her attention. “I’ve checked the supplies myself, we can do it,” the third, Cameron, agreed. She smiled at his sister who, despite smiling back, looked up just enough to notice him. Their gazes locked, freezing them both yet likely for very different reasons.

Shade sank into her eyes, wanted to. To see her safe, to see her at all, and, for the fragment of a heartbeat, to imagine Gisa’s eyes, so similar, were those of Mare who had been a hostage for three months now. “What are you doing here …?” Gisa whispered and truth be told, he could’ve asked her the same. But no one replied as Gisa started to giggle like a fool, a habit that felt so awfully normal like home that it hurt. Everyone was blushing as his entry became obvious to the other two, also the first speaker, who finally turned her head over her shoulder, not the least bit surprised to see him. “That’s inaccurate,” Diana said. “The real question is, what took him so long?” She smirked at him yet despite her amused tone, worry showed in her frown that Gisa and Cameron couldn’t see from this angle. An angle, he couldn’t help noticing, becoming her marvellously with the way her chin-long curls framed her cheek. No, he wasn’t beyond being left speechless by her beauty when she glowed like this. He had no idea how long the awkward silence lasted until he snapped out of it and stepped over, resting his hand on Diana’s shoulder before she rose and went to him. After quickly exchanging glances, strangely nervous, Cameron and Gisa jumped up, shoving together the papers on the bed. Diana slammed shut the folder and Gisa hugged him. “I’m glad to see you”, he told her quietly although he still didn’t know what she did here in the Rocasta base, so near to military operations. “So am I,” Gisa replied, released him and left, taking Cameron by the hand. “What was going on here?” he asked as he dropped behind Diana on the bed, unstrapping his boots. “Classified information,” she answered but he heard – she couldn’t hide it from her tone, he knew her well enough now – that she wasn’t all business. He snorted, done with the shoes, and inched closer until their legs met and his chest was to her back. She sighed, but his digging she must’ve expected didn’t come. Indeed, he didn’t care, not right now. What he wanted was just this, leaning on her, his face on her neck breathing in her scent. His arms embraced her from behind, hands resting on her six-months-belly. An instance of grounding, only strengthened by the tiniest flutter he could feel of their baby. He longed to forget his shame by holding his world in his arms. This part at least. Diana weaved his fingers with his, her posture shifting ever so slightly until he couldn’t say who leaned on who. “I really wondered what took you so long, you were expected back half a day earlier,” she said eventually. He hmphed. “Not unusually late.” “You’re so quiet.” “Classified information,” he murmured. She stirred while he hugged her closer. “Maybe better this way,” she said. She must be rolling her eyes. “That I don’t give you orders anymore.” But her pulse was quickening against his cheek. He’d been sent on missions she wasn’t responsible for, true, and it left her scared for him despite everything. He understood that well enough, his own worry for her currently quelled knowing she held back due to her pregnancy. Still, her reaction flustered him when, ironically, she was wrong in this specific case. “You needn’t have worried, Dee,” he said, and she released a relieved breath, likely thinking of a relatively harmless operation. Well, it had been, and he yearned to leave it at that, to stay a few minutes longer in this intimate cocoon. He doubted he had the right to make a wish right now, when he’d already chosen safety. Just one more second, one kiss on the bare part of her shoulder, and he broke the embrace, sinking on the floor to his knees to face her. He met her eyes, then lowered his gaze, gathering himself once more. His fingers playing with a loose curl of hers. Looking up, he confessed. “I strayed from orders.” She raised her eyebrows. “Now that’s nothing new but it doesn’t sound – ” “Safe? It was completely, utterly reckless. I could only hope not to be too stupid. “Because I aimed to free Mare.”

The Scarlet Guard used Shade as backup for escapes sparingly, regarding the limits to people he could bring with him. When he wasn’t assisting in the taking of Corvium, his new handler Blake sent him on reconnaissance missions. Shade kept waiting for assassination orders though they never came – so far. Due to his ability, it tended to be spotty work, often including theft and sabotage rather than infiltration. Between jobs, that left him chances to see Diana who planned altogether different operations. Growing enmeshed with Command as she was, who knew how far she was aware how he was tied into the greater picture. Unlike during their first cooperations, Diana appeared fine with it now, him under another’s orders. He felt less so and as Blake had Shade follow the front movements and searching Corvium for weak spots, he’d been itching to approach the royal progress. It happened that he was to visit the same locations – afterwards, to listen for whispers of treason against King Maven. Bitterness filled Shade as he was close but carefully kept away from Mare, who was always on the screens beside her captor. Shade had believed it reasonable. He’d seen the brutal results of Nanny’s infiltration. He’d stayed behind during the failed pro-Cal coup. But while the banished prince was reined in, he’d helped the Guard win Corvium, cheered with them as Cameron’s brother Morrey was freed even as everyone chewed at still seeing Mare as the king’s trophy and mouthpiece. When he received the orders three days ago, Shade had had enough of waiting and playing safe. He had this ability that had proved so useful, had saved his loved ones’ lives so many times, he had a duty to Mare to at least try. Would she not expect him to try? He would grind his teeth no longer and enter the royal party. The opportunity sounded almost a ploy, find out who the king was meeting at the Choke, implying that Shade would evade Maven and come from the other side. This time, he picked the confrontation.

“I’ve learned to master standing around silver residences without notice. Even before I stole a sentinel uniform, no one took issue with me. It was almost too easy, eavesdropping for the official mission in the meantime. I only had to teleport when no one would wonder at sudden appear – or disappearances. Everyone knew where the royal party was staying, and this residence had little difference to others, and they love to gossip about Mare. It hurt to hear, but I needn’t care when I’d succeed, right?

“Security increased the closer I got but I still came through in the disguise. And then I knew. I didn’t see the door, I felt it. The wall of silence beyond the door.

“I was hit by it just by starting to teleport. I never … It happens in a blink, usually. There, I noted how every bit of me would materialize and I wasn’t sure if I’d be just slow or appear in bits. What I knew was that it was impossible to bring Mare with me. She’s shackled in silent stone! No idea how they manage it. How she endures. I …” But he had no words for the thought. It expressed itself as a sob he tried to swallow.

Diana never let go of his hand as he told her – his dominant left clasped by both of hers. It didn’t help either of them to keep from shaking.

“I just stopped. Stood there, about to get caught after all, calculating if there wasn’t a way, any way.” He shook his head.

Diana’s hold grew tighter. “You were alone. You couldn’t have expected …”

Shade faced her and she must’ve grasped his meaning in his eyes as she startled. She still didn’t let go, like a buoy. He straightened. “So I left. Ran away. Jumped out of their base and barely hid my disguise on my way back here.”

She shifted closer, face inches above his. “It’s as you should’ve done. Shade. The only thing you could.” She swallowed. “You gathered intel and retreated before you were trapped and arrested. To know how Mare is kept –”

He pulled his hand away. “Don’t talk about this like such an officer.” She blinked. “I know that. I’ve tried to explain it to myself the whole last day. And I haven’t felt a drop less guilty for it.”

“You …” Diana moved to hug him and he prevented her by cupping her cheeks.

This moment, he needed his gaze to hold on to her eyes. “I didn’t think practical,” he whispered. “I went, selfishly, out of desire, and ended it for it as well. It was pure need to survive. For you. I couldn’t bear the risk of not coming back to you, leaving our child behind. Not even for Mare.”

Diana slid off the bed, hugging him as she sank to sit on his knees. A sob escaped his throat.

“There was no chance,” she reminded him.

He closed his eyes, resting his head in her chest. “You said you wouldn’t pick – us or the cause. You say you’ll do both, both is important. With only one absolute – keep our baby alive. But I did. Choose. I picked us over Mare.” Tears wetted her sweater. “It’s my shame and yet I don’t regret it.”

Her hands rubbed his back, through his hair. “We’ll do better. I promise you, we’ll do better and free her.”

Her words were a lifeline, a tether that did little to diminish the raging waves of his heartbeat. “You hate promises,” he said.

Diana snorted faintly. “I’ve kept working on it.” She kissed his temple. “You don’t know all progress we make. Mare is fighting, and we’ll come from the other front.”

He woke to the smell of coffee. Its vitalizing odour filled his nose, steam warming his face as he opened his eyes.

Diana smiled at him, already unfairly groomed. She stroked his arm. “A drink to get you up, but breakfast waits in the mess hall.” The corners of her mouth dropped. “Did you even eat last evening?”

Shade struggled to find his limbs to rose and sip the coffee. They’d stayed cuddled last night, barely managing to undress before he fell asleep. He shook his head, exhaustion clinging to every part of his body, eyes sore from crying. Tentatively, he tested the first swallows of the brew. “I had a bite. When I was debriefed.”

Diana patted his leg. “You still had something to report?”

“Enough. The ones around ... well, they know enough.”

She narrowed her eyes. “What?”

He downed the rest of the mug. “I thought we professionals keep quiet?” He made light of it but no grin entered his face. “What’s the plan for today?”

She sat down next to him and put an arm around his waist, looking at him inquiringly. “Work out. A meeting. Supply chain check, finances, the usual. But fresh up first, then breakfast.”

They held hands on the way to the mess hall and after a shower, Shade felt almost alive. Yet he was glad of Diana’s pampering and idle conversation.

“Gisa has applied to the guard a while ago, with your brothers,” she explained when he asked. “Only the support we task minors with and … it was chance she was called to Rocasta while we are here, too. Yes.”

“Hm. I don’t like it still. Can’t you make an exception and put in a word about what she does?”

Diana drew in a breath.

He sighed. “Okay, okay, spare me the lecture.”

“A bit protective, are we?”

He squeezed her hand, glancing at her. “Increasingly.”

She bumped his shoulder. “She gets along with Cameron really well. They met before we’ve freed Cameron’s brother and they feel similarly, apparently. Being the same age and with a sibling as hostage.”

“Just ‘feeling similarly’?” he teased.

She grinned. Maybe more than that.”

“I really didn’t notice.” He shook his head. “I overlooked her, with all other things.”

“We have a lot to shoulder.” Having reached the mess hall, she turned to him. Her other hand splayed on her belly, the first time since he returned. She must’ve refrained to absent-minded touches until now, to focus on him. That was hard for her, he knew. She already loved the baby so much, the mere anticipation shaped her into a new, lighter-hearted person, a hidden aspect of her he hadn’t been aware of.

Himself, he wasn’t so sure. Her excitement carried him along, his love for her had him follow her everywhere. The thought of letting her down pained him. He didn’t know what to expect while he also couldn’t wait to meet their child and he felt an undeniable duty to them, yet the shape of this duty remained beyond his grasp.

“Don’t you want to go in?” he said, glancing to the mess hall.

Again, she looked at him in this strange way of this morning and sighed. “Are you ... ready for the world?”

He cackled, clasping the door handle. “What else is there?” He stepped over the threshold, even as Diana stood still for an eyeblink.

“Wait –”

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SHADE!!”

He stumbled at the loud cheer, his hand going to his heart in exasperation. He almost fell against Diana who’d sidled close again. Gladly, he leaned against her as he calmed himself, assessing the congregation.

The party.

Everyone was there, or so it seemed at least. Gisa, Cameron and her brother Morrey, his brothers – even his parents! People he knew from the Notch and other comrades he’d recently worked with. Some weren’t there, of course, like Kilorn and Cal, but he saw Sara and Julian and even Diana’s father, skulking around … that dick. Maybe Diana was gracious he tried but Shade couldn’t stand the way the colonel was so clearly uncomfortable behaving like, well, family, and Shade hated how that had hurt Diana over the years and she didn’t dare addressing that openly.

Diana clutched his arm, whispering into his ear. “I’m sorry, I decided to tell you just a moment too late …” He nodded, helplessly. “I thought you were aware, of the date, and just didn’t make a big thing of it …”

His disbelieving gaze wandered from the assembly to the filled tables, back to Diana.

“I …” Indeed, he had been aware of his birthday on February 2nd, not expecting anything of it. He wasn’t certain Diana would remember the timing or prepare anything, regarding the one or two times they’d mentioned birthdays … but it was him who’d forgotten about what day it was entirely the moment he’d stood before Mare’s gilded prison door and panicked.

He was relieved Cal wasn’t there, right now. To look at him, after what Shade and attempted and failed at, knowing that Cal wanted the same – he needed time to process that.

Shade straightened, borrowing posture from the steel in Diana’s eyes. Then he cupped her face and kissed her, hard.

The others clapped.

Letting go, swallowing a laugh caused by the silly clapping, he cleared his throat and spread his arms, doing his best of playing the role of the stunned and grateful birthday kid.

Glossing over them staring at him expectantly for likely minutes now. “What have you bleeding done here!” he exclaimed. “Thank you so much!” Already, they rushed to hug or shake hands to congratulate him and he swam into the flood. It was easy to do, go with the flow to drown the shame he’d arrived in. Shade excelled at pretending and blending in and today, they deserved a happy reaction. And he wanted to, to enjoy friends, family, and comrades. They had gathered here, bringing and preparing all that wonderful food he just about realized he was starving for.

The mess hall looked like a silver bakery in Harbor Bay, tables laden various warm breads, all different shapes, sizes and toppings, a spread of meat and cheese slices, eggs, cakes and puddings. The first bite of dark bread with grated carrots, still soft, fresh from the oven, warmed his entire self. The guests recommended snacks and he followed the advice gladly. Cakes fluffy like clouds, excitingly crunchy or tasteful compounds of nuts and fruits, he took every bite as he fell into the chatter and remembered they’d all come despite knowing Mare wasn’t there.

Could they not celebrate despite her captivity?

Could Shade deny them this?

His father, the last one he’d expected to meet here, told him how Sara was looking at replacing his leg and improving his lungs and Shade didn’t want to stop embracing him as his father commented on the frontlines.

Bree teased him that he’d barely escaped becoming a teen dad, now that he was twenty, and Tramy embellished an adventure about procuring the food and preventing a disaster when making the cakes with Gisa, Cameron and Morrey. It sounded so similar to chaotic past birthdays, at home, in the Stilts, where one midnight after the party, Shade asked Kilorn to practise kissing as a present and Kilorn complied.

Julian tapped his shoulder and offered him fried apple rings in dough, and, self-deprecating as Julian could be, confessed he put in extra efforts because it was his birthday, too, and they shared hilarious mirrored congratulations.

The colonel told him his first name was Willis and Shade made himself say it.

The talking and feasting went on until his mouth strained and, looking for his mother, he finally found Diana again, sitting next to her. His mother, smiling like the sun, hugged him tight and yet it was she alone who openly bore that heavy sadness in her eyes that Shade was only hiding. He didn’t have to pretend with her. Yet she also understood the meaning of celebrating right now.

In the end, as the congregation shushed them away to clean up, Diana rose and cupped his cheek. “Do you forgive me?” she asked.

He blinked. “Didn’t I show you?” he countered, and kissed her again, softer but longer. Their brows rested against each other. Both of them the same height – with Diana slightly taller –, it felt so clear how equally matched they were and with the arms around each other, they started to sway as if there were music to dance to.

“The next time – ,” he began, “ – when is your birthday again?”

Diana groaned, chewing her lip. “In May … you know, the due date …”

He grinned. “You’re still embarrassed about that?”

She gasped, slapping his chest. “You remembered all along!”

He grabbed that hand that bumped him, rising it to his lips to kiss. “No one knows if it’ll be the same day for real, calm down.” His smile faded. “But I want one thing to be certain.” She found his eyes, questioningly. “To have Mare at the next party.”

“She will be,” Diana confirmed once more but apparently less convinced than last night.

Shade nodded, his gaze striving away. Maybe they didn’t need assurance, and hope had to be enough.

After today, he thought he could start with that.

A/N 2: CAMISA SHOULD’VE HAPPENED

For a long time, I was a bit uninspired for Shade’s birthday post this year until I had an idea this Sunday morning. It’s weird, it feels like I teleported into Fadeland since I have created this in five days after I spent almost eight joyful months in Fadeland last time, happily procrastinating! ^^° I will continue the Shade/Farley birthday posts at least until next year for the 10 year Red Queen jubilee.

However, I have to apologize:

For excluding Cal, I’m so sorry for those who hoped for him but just considering to include him in the party is so awkward. Having Shade look into his Cal’s puppy eyes wishing his brother(-in-law) happy birthday while he must be thinking about how everyone chided Cal for impulsively making Mare a priority in risky operations with Shade then doing the same to utterly fail and be comforted by his very present pregnant girlfriend – the party would’ve crashed right then (or Shade would’ve filled his mouth with food and just replied with a “hm, thanks”). But Shade will confess this to him later on and they’ll have a deep bonding talk about Mare and love and siblings!

For the off-handed mention of Shade kissing Kilorn – I’ve considered both Farley and Shade as bi for years but never grasped the chance to state this for Shade (maybe in my Calorn AU, a little) and thought today, now or never, even though it became just a tiny bit. I hope to do better in future, should not another writing block or technical problem happen.

My inner bread snob jumped out, sorry not sorry. I thought about how often characters – usually girls – can describe delicious food in books only to not eat it in the end and while it’s a man here, I wanted to say fuck that, go binge

They’re so angstily dramatic

I hope you enjoyed, and once again:

CAMISA SHOULD’VE HAPPENED

@elliemarchetti @lilyharvord @mareshmallow @maudthebookeater @justagirlwholovesstories @freaky-freiday @evangeline-of-montfort @hannaharies @nortaeventcouncil

[diemy-bride]

Shade and Farley.

[edgelordmaven]

𝘿𝙄𝘼𝙉𝘼 𝙁𝘼𝙍𝙇𝙀𝙔

𝘐 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘮𝘢𝘯𝘺 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦𝘴 𝘐'𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘰𝘭𝘥 𝘚𝘩𝘢𝘥𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘳𝘢𝘥𝘪𝘰 𝘪𝘴 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘰𝘧𝘧𝘪𝘤𝘪𝘢𝘭 𝘣𝘶𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘦𝘮𝘦𝘳𝘨𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘪𝘦𝘴, 𝙣𝙤𝙩 𝙩𝙤 𝙖𝙣𝙣𝙤𝙮 𝙢𝙚.

[up-in-my-bunghole]

I just imagine, one snowy day in Montfort, in a bright, beautiful world, Mare, Cameron and Farley are out on some mission or whatever, and the boys are left to their lonesome in the winter weather. Bree, Tramy, Shade, Kilorn, and Cal are sitting together, small talk and beer when Kilorn notices Cal's cycle outside the bar. He notices that he has a long line of rope in the sidebag. He remembers that the Barrow family has a few sleds in the garage.

A great idea dawns on him.

He informs the group of his masterful plan, and of course, they're all on board (literally).

Half an hour later, Cal is railing around like a maniac on his cycle with four sleds tied behind it, Kilorn, Tramy, Bree, and Shade rampaging through the streets like dorks. Cal takes all the slumps and bumps he can find, dragging the other guys through the thick of it, and they love it, roaring in vigor the whole way. Zig zagging from street to street, they blow snow everywhere. No one tries to stop them, because no one can.

The women come back from their errand to see the rest of their family speeding around on their old toboggans with a speeding ton of metal. A unison shake of heads is felt from Mare, Farley, and Cameron. When Cal finally notices the three of them on the pavement, he skids to a stop and in turn causes the guys on the sleds to crash into each other. They get up from the stop and see Mare, Cameron and Farley staring them down, and they all share an "oh shit" moment.

They all sit for a moment, in the pregnant silence. Until the women start to smirk, and then outright laugh at the whole thing. Eventually, all of them are bending over cackling, pointing at all the knots tied on the back of the cycle and shaking their heads at the crazy idea. That's when Mare asks if they have any more sleds that they can tie. Cal smiles in a giddy response.

Next thing they know, everyone is skidding around behind the cycle, Mare steering with her electric ability. Mare is piggybacking on Cal and they're wiggling and giggling. Bree and Tramy are staying to shove each other off and wrestling to take one another's sled. Shade and Farley are going backwards and trying to slide the sled over jumps on the side of the road. Kilorn and Cameron are doing stunts, getting more and more outrageous to see who'll slip first.

They're all having a jolly time in the thick snow and the chilly breeze and just laughing together as a big family.

That's when they see Evangeline and Elane in the street, and they only have three words to say: we want in.

They get a sled of their own, and in return, Evangeline makes metal ramps underneath the snow to make the sleds go flying, and Elane makes spotlights like a little show to make it all the more fun.

Now, everyone is racing the streets with giggles and yelling laughs, and everything is amazing in the world.