#feel free to reblog/reply whatever

[kittythelitter]

Recently Ive been thinking a lot about how often coming out as trans to someone who knew you before you came out becomes them preemptively getting defensive about the fact that they might misgender you.

And often when I voice this complaint to my cis friends, even ones who are really good about learning people's names and pronouns and like staunch allies it becomes about reassuring them that it's okay to get people's names and pronouns wrong sometimes. And it's like.

Sometimes you get it wrong. That's fair. But when you get it wrong all the time consistently and get defensive when you're being corrected that's a problem. When you don't apologize and don't try to change it's a problem. When you do apologize but make it all about you and how this is hard for you it's a problem.

There was i think a Tumblr post that compared it to stepping on someone's toes which I think is a pretty good comparison. Doing it by mistake happens you apologize and move on. It's not a big deal unless you make it a big deal. If someone says ow you stepped on my foot you don't need to say well you were standing near me and i have big feet you should really just say sorry and move on. But if you do it on purpose you're an asshole and the more people do it to a person the more it hurts and if you keep doing it over and over to the same person all the time you need to change what you're doing because you're hurting them. Consistently. And it's getting worse the more you do it. And the fact that you're not putting in the effort it takes to not step on their toes kind of says a lot about how much you respect that person and their boundaries. That being said if there's a real reason you keep doing it that's out of your control like my uncle who has memory problems or someone with some disability that makes motor control it's fine but when other people constantly apologize for them or make a big deal when they do it it's annoying.

The one thing i don't like about this comparison is often when you step on someone's feet it's because of some kind of special situation like dancing or sharing a small space or something or it's partially their fault which is to say the person whose toes are getting stepped on can often opt out of the situation that gets them stepped on, and/or it is partially their fault for being in the way. Trans people are not in the way. And opting out of situations where we get misgendered is at best considered rude or antisocial and at worst impossible. I can't opt out of existing in the world. I have to interact other humans who will sometimes misgender me. That is a fact of my life.

And i don't need relatives and friend's parents or my parents' friends responding to me saying my name and pronouns with "don't get mad when I get it wrong I'm old and I've known you a long time". Maybe from now on i should respond "okay but don't get mad when i correct you, because you won't learn if i don't point it out when you get it wrong" but that would probably be viewed as confrontational.

Which brings me to my solution. This is also something from an ancient Tumblr post but here's what any cis people (and trans people too if you're reading this) can do.

1) don't get defensive about your in/ability to learn names and pronouns.

2) if you misgender someone apologize and move on but also make a mental note to

3) if someone has a new name/pronoun or you meet someone who's name/pronoun you're struggling with practice it.

On your own out loud or with a close friend who is not that person. Come up with 5 to 10 sentences about that person using their name/pronoun. I like to do this in the shower or while doing the dishes and i introduce them like a contestant on a dating show.

This is Dylan! They're 24 years old and they're from Massachusetts. Dylan has a pet cat who is their favorite thing to post pictures of on social media. They like reading fanfiction about found families. They play lots of resource and farming based video games. Their favorite part of breath of the wild was cooking. I really care about them so I'm going to take the time to make sure i get their pronouns right.

4) if you see someone misgendering someone correct them

5) if someone is getting defensive about struggling remind them that the trans person isn't a burden and that mistakes happen but they can still be hurtful and we all need to take responsibility when we hurt someone

6) if someone is struggling a lot consistently tell them to practice, or even practice with them.

In the end it's a habit we can make and a habit we can remake, but it takes effort. Honestly not that much. The more you struggle with someone the more you should practice but it's just. Getting used to talking about that person, even in silly ways, even just to yourself, using the right language.

A lot of people put more effort into apologizing or explaining or getting defensive than it would take to just practice it.

[vampiricsheep]

question for my fellow mordrem-havers:

what was it like for them under the dragon's influence? if they weren't 'born' mordrem, what was their corruption experience? how are they handling life without the dragon?

[anonzentimes]

There's been a lot of interesting discussions about Nagito's sexuality on twitter with my mutuals and the questions of does he even understand his sexuality, does he know the difference between horniness and hope, and does he even know what gender he likes have been really interesting to talk about! It's kind of funny how this guy is so in depth that, at some point, his sexuality or how he experiences those emotions does actually become an interesting topic of discussion since he's a peculiar guy.

I think the most likely scenario is that he dodges the question of sexuality because he's closeted, one of the people in the discussion said he's in a glass closet and it made me cackle. I think horniness and hope are equivalent emotions for him and Absolutely hope birthday, his line in Danganronpa 3, and the many instances of him losing himself over hope blushing and drooling kind of imply this. I think because they're so equivalent he may confuse them at points but overall I'm sure he knows there's a difference. He probably dodges the question because he's ashamed or he doesn't think he's worthy enough to be thinking about it. Like, I bet, for a lack of words, he'd think it's selfish for someone like him to feel sexual emotions.

just super interesting stuff!!!! It's been fun to articulate so I just wanted to say a little something on tumblr about it too

[beesorcery]

hello it's part 3 of 3 for my cool fun graphic design adventure!! part 1 and part 2 got too long. to recap i am recreating this t-shirt design but with the magic 8 ball songs instead of city names:

here is the current draft, updated through 3/27 (pittsburgh) (!!!!)

[straycalamities]

everypony tell me the time(s) you were genuinely supposed to be dead but avoided it somehow :)

[thatsmistertoyou]

in honor of catboy legalization, please show me your babies

here are mine, Leo (orange boy) and Oscar (tuxedo boy) 🐈🐈‍⬛🤍

they have maybe 5 braincells between them and I love them so much

[cloud-somersault]

You know what: you guys ask me questions a lot. Let me ask one this time.

Besides the obvious, what are the differences between Wukong and Macaque's perspectives? Like, what do you notice in their way of thinking? Is their way of describing things different?

[designernishiki]

hm. wondering what the most likely name/pet name daigo would call mine in private is

[bugsnax-community-questions]

APOLOGIES: this is a repost of the mail poll because I accidentally set it to one day instead of 1 week ;-; if you already voted, MY BAD, sorry ksjdjdjenf

--

Bugsnax community questions ~ Poll #1

NOTES:

*Snorpy and Chandlos Physical Challenges refers to quests from snorpy and chandlo that require legwork and bug catching skill, such as catching 3 bugsnax in 1 trap or catching 5 snakpods in 30 seconds

**Snaxburg activities is stuff done in snaxburg such as the Chandlo Dunkbun Challenge or cromdos posters. Secret Quests is quests that do not have an activation letter, leaving them a secret, such as the power nap or stealing from the outhouse

[vexcraft]

do you guys have any cub headcanons? i'd love to hear :D

i think the hc that stays most consistent for cub in my stories is that he's short lol

[corpsegirl-sephie]

Folks would y'all give me money in exchange for silly little drawings? This totally isn't me lightheartedly foreshadowing a more serious post I'll be making later today cause I'm in dire financial straits and I have no other ideas to pull me out of it

[the-zapped-part-timer]

I wanna ask something of the PZPTH Fandom...

How did Penn Zero: Part-Time Hero impact you and your life?

[bleachbleachbleach]

So, I recently moved to a new place, and looking at the local paper this morning I  learned about the 25th Annual Rutabaga Curl.

Curling. But with rutabagas. 25th annual.

So please, I desperately need to know:

What produce-themed cultural events does Soul Society have?

Is this primarily why Rukongai farms stuff, since they don’t need to eat it? The annual DAIKON DASH? (A long-distance relay that spans all 80 districts in a given cardinal block).

Does the Seireitei also have produce-themed games? Were they culturally appropriated from Rukongai, or perhaps brought as immigrant customs by Rukongai folk who entered the Gotei?

What produce-themed events does Karakura have, in the town’s attempt to distinguish itself as a culturally distinct patch of Tokyo suburb sprawl? How ham do Isshin (and Karin and Yuzu and perhaps, grudgingly, also Ichigo) go?

Has the Sewing Club (read: Ishida and Orihime) ever designed a giant produce costume?

IS THERE A PARADE

[qserasera]

My dream svsss live action (cont)

Part 2

part 1 for my headcanon live action cast here

the last post didn’t have enough room to include all the characters, so here’s the rest of ‘who would i cast in a liveaction svsss drama’ thoughts and why

Shen Yuan - ?? or Bai Jingting

pic from my drama list here. i don’t have the Strongest opinion on the actor for shen yuan because he would only be in like. a few scenes at the beginning. i think bai jingting could do a reasonably good job, since he knows how to. hmm how to describe it...do comedic face journeys in a way that still feels true to a historical period drama?? like he knows how to be funny without coming off as too modern.  he’s also doing an Excellent job as a main role in Chang Feng Du, for anyone who’s asking. otherwise some other actor from a youth drama/college setting drama could probably be a nice candidate, if they know how to switch from serious/air of slightly disdainful cynicism to Peak Comedy and obliviousness at the drop of a hat (which i wouldn’t know bc i don’t watch a ton of modern cdramas ; w ; )

Yue Qingyuan - Tony Leung

no thoughts, head empty, who else can exude guilt and yearning like a sexy, sexy cologne??? for yqy it would be Nice to have an actor who can pull off the competent smiling look with an air of hidden melancholy and. like. yep.

Ning Yingying - Amy Sun

she did a good job in the eternal love series (totally different drama from the one about the peach blossoms and 3 lives). i honestly had mixed feelings about the show, but i did watch at least two season of it so. who knows. she was very good as jing xin with the scenes she was given, even tho i bounced off the actual heroine’s personality type completely

Liu Mingyan - Kira Shi

not much commentary here!! this was just on general looks and acting feel probably. haven’t seen her specifically in any fight-heavy/wuxia shows (but i did watch weaving a tale of love and story of minglan) so. i think for looks, she does contrast pretty distinctly from the above ning yingying casting, idk idk

Liu Qingge - Li Hongyi

if you need someone to play like. a seemingly more pretty but delicate look warrior while also being dangerous, he can do that! his acting skills would pretty much be up to task, etc etc

Sha Hualing - Tang Wei

confession time is that i haven’t actually. watched lust, caution which she starred in (which i heard was very good and also got her blocked out of a lot of other acting projects afterwards), but i do think her overall face profile has the right vibe

(Guest Role) Su Xiyan - Dilraba Dilmurat

i just liked how she played her main role in the long ballad, and dilraba also knows how to give off that no-nonsense competent aura as a heroine while also being emotive for romantic-type storylines and passionate feelings

(Guest Role) Tianlang-jun - Wallace Huo

you need an emperor-type actor with capriciousness, humor, danger and vulnerability??? it’s him.....he would be so so so good, i know this in my heart!!! (for a sample of his acting, there is a clip from the ruyi drama here u could check out)

[timdrake-yumm]

Is it just the same two phrases with different emphasis? Yes. Do I still want to know? Also yes. Feel free to lmk why you chose what you chose, I’d love to hear your thoughts and opinions!

[tradedsymmetry]

i could not believe my ears, tonight at the wonder years~

that's all I've got, I can't do the rest of it because the rest of it is:

when they fucking played PARIS OF FUCKING NOWHERE !!!!!!!!! and god damn mother fucking GODDAMNITALL!!!!!!!!! He intro'd GODDAMNITALL and when I realized what he was talking about I started intermittently screaming and saying "holy shit, oh my god" and the person in front of me kept laughing 😂

keep in FUCKING MIND that this was AFTER!!!!!! they played all 13 fucking masterpieces that make up the greatest generation !!!!!!!!! 😭😭😭😭😭

but like, yeah, Paris of Nowhere caught me off GUARD, I diiieeeddd it's my fucking favorite from the hum goes on forever, I think it's objectively one of their best songs ever, oh my god. I can't even. what would that list even be, where would it end?;!! --that's not important.

they are so good to us. they didn't play Paris of nowhere or lost it in the lights (I'm pretty sure?) in March, and I'm was like, :( (just a little!!)

and then tonight they were like, "here u go. don't be sad. have them both and also, scream GODDAMNITALL many times over and over as loud as you want :)"

and I was like 😍🫡ok I'll do my best🥵😍