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Well, that was a much bigger shitstorm than I had been expecting.
First of all, kid's ok, they just kept him over night because he's so young and concussions are a bit more of a risk, especially given his extensive medical history. Thankfully though, he seems to be on the mend, and he should be home by the time you Darlings are seeing this post.
As for why you're seeing this post, originally I was just meant to be playing emergency babysitter until the dad finished work and got home, but unfortunately he's just as big of a piece of shit as he usually is (Why they're still together and actively having more kids I have no idea) and decided that since someone was already with the kids, then instead of rushing home like he was asked to by his wife, he was going to make the best of it and go out drinking with his friends.
Both his wife and his elderly mother in law tried to contact him, but after the third set of calls, he turned off his phone. Not once did he ask who was with his kids, or how his injured son was, all he cared about was going out and drinking. (I sincerely hope she leaves his arse soon. Holy shit)
The mum did apologise to me repeatedly, but since their only living family is her elderly mother who is by no means capable of looking after five kids under the age of seven, she really didn't have a choice but to rely on me until her or her (shitty) husband could return home. And for obvious reasons, she couldn't exactly leave a four year old in the hospital by himself.
In the end, the "dad" didn't get home until about nine am this morning, stinking of grog, and I don't feel comfortable leaving them with him. I did quickly head back and grab a charger for my phone so that I could type this up, but since the youngest ones will be waking from their after feed nap soon, and the mum is still a way's off from getting back, I'm probably not going to have time to sort through my reblogs properly.
On a small positive note though, it does look like all my stuff is back now, so I should be able to go back to posting older reblogs tomorrow. For now, I'm just going to focus on the kids and then go back and crash into my own bed.
Thank you for your understanding and patience, Darling ones. Please remember to take care of yourselves 🖤
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trichyfeelings · 1 year
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it’s been just over 4 years since i made this account. it’s sad that it’s been this long. i still haven’t really opened up about my pulling in my real life. here and there i mention it, but i’ve never worked up the courage to get help, or to talk about it in much detail.
this blog is mostly inactive- i really don’t post much at all, but it’s presence (alongside the constant ache in my scalp, the soreness of certain areas of my mouth and the uneven hair growth along my hairline) is a constant reminder of where it all slowly started to go wrong for me in my teenage years.
some of you guys have been here for most of these 4 years. i know i don’t respond to post replies because this is a sideblog, but to the people that have interacted with this account for a long time; i hope you’re all doing well. i’ll overcome this bullshit eventually, and you will too.
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youreastargirl · 2 years
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Just found out that for the past eight years my husband has been secretly deeply unhappy, has gone through stages of being mad at me for years, said he had a two year deep depression triggered by me, and only made it through that by talking to another woman who made him feel like he mattered.
He could never tell me one word about his unhappiness because he said I am so emotionally unstable I would have had a meltdown.
The worst part is this whole time I still treated him as my best friend partner and confidant. I would tell him everything trusted him with all my thoughts and feelings. Like he felt this way about me and I’m just like hey guess what happened in class today. Somehow this casual daily betrayal feels worse than the other woman. I feel like a fucking fool.
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jakeperalta · 1 year
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wackysach · 22 days
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⋆✴︎˚。⋆ 𝕿𝓲𝓶𝓮 𝓲𝓼 𝓪 𝕽𝓾𝓵𝓮𝓻
𝓽𝓸 𝓶𝓮𝓪𝓼𝓾𝓻𝓮 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓭𝓪𝔂. ⋆˙⟡
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puppyeared · 1 year
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fake ep idea + doodles
#i was thinking abt how funny it would be if there was a shiftythrifting blog equivalent in lmk. and half the stuff on there is#submitted by wukong. so i thought a yard sale ep would be funny lol#basically the hoard becomes problem one way or another and wukong figures the best way to get rid of his junk is thru ebay#somehow ends up selling world ending artifacts to random megapolis citizens so mk mei and redson have to scramble to find em#purposely meant to mirror the weekly shenanigans s1-2 style eps that are really goofy (dumpling ep noodles ep etc)#but it gets darker and darker because MK is not fucking ok after that whole thing with the scroll and some unchecked identity crisis#for me id want him to kind of. freak tf out because they have to find MULTIPLE chaos inducing items that could end the world while trying t#be sillygoofy and funny about it. so hes trying to mask his panic with “ohhh guys its just like the good ol days ^_^ remember that ^_^”#ESPECIALLY after that whole thing with the ink scroll. also mei doesnt buy any of it and is worried for him the whole time#as for the B plot it could be monkey king also trying to be very relaxed abt selling 4000 years worth of stuff and tang getting all huffy#like “these are priceless artifacts that could help us learn so much about the past!! wtf man!!!”#and maybe it reveals smth like wukong not wanting to hold on anymore bc his past weighs him down. and theyre all reminders#i think azure mentioned that wukong is sentimental (idk if that was genuine or lying to mk) so that could be touched on to#so basically. the theme would be some sort of conversation abt nostalgia. i think. im not a writer so its very fuzzy in my head#if anyone wants to add on or include their own spin on it feel free. also included undercut redson as a treat somewhere in there#myart#lego monkie kid#monkie kid#lmk red son#lmk mei#lmk MK#lmk xiaotian#lmk xiaojiao#lmk sun wukong#lmk swk#doodles#lmk tang#lmk pigsy#lmk traffic light trio#yard sale ep
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cauli-flawa · 4 months
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Hello all.
The crisis in Congo is vastly overlooked, and so are the people in need of help.
This fundraiser has one donation of $10. GoGetFunding has no minimum on donations, so you could spare a dollar if you have one.
Please donate if you can. Don't worry about it if you can't. /gen
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slavhew · 2 months
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i draw myself a lot
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suddencolds · 2 months
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.~
#not a vent just a journal entry (feel free to scroll past; there is no snz here and this is also not that interesting)#realizing now that i never thought of myself as#someone whose absence would register to others in any other way than just neutral/detached recognition?#phrasing this really badly and i am truly going to delete this later bc it is embarrassing LOL#i think when i was young and posting all this fic into questionable places (the f*rum) i was like#(@ an unfinished work of mine) no way anyone could be bothered by these cliffhangers 👍 they can just imagine the ending#even though i would frequently be bothered by other people's cliffhangers. that exact same principle just wouldn't apply to me in my head#and when i did not respond to people i was like.. i'm sure i wasn't really an important part of their lives so they won't mind it#if i stepped away?#i never really entertained the concept of people missing me or looking forward to my responses 😭 i never thought of myself as someone worth#missing... so when i disappeared it was always with little to no sense of guilt. i think even now i struggle with#seeing myself as someone that inhabits like a tangible enough space in other people's lives that my absence would be felt#(and i don't mean that in a morbid way. and i do recognize that it's quite hypocritical)#on the flipside of things i frequently miss people and look forward to their responses. and sometimes i wonder like#do they all know? do they all know that i miss them because they somehow understand this aspect of human nature better than i do?#or are they in the dark like i am? are these things assumed or are they only known when they are said... 😭#i am a little bit of a coward so i am not saying anything (also because can you even say this kind of thing to someone??#i would probably die of embarrassment) but#how strange it is to have someone suddenly inhabit a space in your life that is substantial enough that#when they're gone you feel that space open up and you miss them#the few times in my life people have conveyed that sentiment to me i remember feeling puzzled that my presence could have that kind of#weight to them. i think my problem is that i purposefully do not read between the lines if the conclusion is something favorable towards me#because i don't want to bank on something good that might or might not be true 😭 anyways this is way too long already. if you read this#then good morning or goodnight
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hot busty time-stopping kings in YOUR area
NOT MY ART MY FRIEND AYA MY DEAR FRIEND AYA DREW THIS AND GRACIOUSLY IS LETTING ME POST THIS AS HE DOESN'T EVEN GO HERE
(LINK TO HIS TWT HERE BTW CHECK HIM OUT SHE IS SO COOL AND EPIC AND WONDERFUL AND AWESOME!!!!!)
like these cursed vibes? epic! my cool and awesome and epic and wonderful friend squid whom i have been inflicting torment upon and also me a miki are AND ALSO SPECIAL GUEST AYA WOO streaming ISAT rn link right here where the vibes stem from LMAO
or vods in this link here instead if thats preferred :]
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undiscoverable-words · 4 months
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High thoughts time
So in my current brand new baby headcanon where each primary couple gets say in what songs go in their season (like imagining Luke and Nicola had say on what songs or what music genre vibes would be in their season)
Jealous was a collaborative pick for them
Snow on the Beach was Nicola, she’s said she thinks Penelope would be a Taylor Swift fan!!!
abcdefu could have been all Nicola or maybe a collaborative idea like I could totally see her wanting this song in there and maybe talking Luke up to the idea to where he can totally see her vision and then he’s like okay, yeah, that song totally
And honestly I think for Give Me Everything it was kind of like Nic and Luke were spitballing how the carriage scene feels like it’s very high school dance (like this is such a 2010s high school dance song or even a club song I guess and she was like that’s totally the vibe, yes) like I really think putting things in that perspective is something she finds funny so then she’s like you don’t understand we have to do that it’s so funny and Luke laughs, we all laugh, bc she’s right it is very funny, and so the production team went and found a VERY like 2010s dance bop
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gaeasun · 2 years
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Carefully setting Bly in the box of “needs more content where his personality does not revolve around his Jedi General” that Cody is also sitting in.
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masezace · 1 year
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little off topic for my blog, but i started watching a new show since a friend mentioned it was good and i'd heard positive things about it, so i just wanted to talk about it a little bit (probably never again after this since this isn't a fandom blog, but it's the only one i have rn so idc it's going here)
the show is Jurassic World Camp Cretaceous, and just going on looks alone, despite my love for dinosaurs and the Jurassic Park franchise i never would have considered it. it appears to be very much for kids, and as i'm in my late twenties now i'm not particularly interested in especially kiddy media. however a friend my age enjoyed it and mentioned it has a canon lgbtq+ couple in it among the main characters, so of course i just had to watch it. i had already been hearing that despite its initial appearance and premise, it was surprisingly good for a kids' show, so i had already been curious, but i was even more keen after knowing there were queer characters, and not even the adults, the kids themselves (in a kid's show?!! what a time to be alive), so i finally sat down and watched it.
[spoiler warning, both minor and major, for the rest of this post btw, so continue reading at your own risk if you haven't seen it yet/are still watching]
the show overall
okay so firstly, i am coming at all of this from the perspective of a writer, so my observations are from a technical standpoint more so than just as a fan of the show. and honestly, it really is a well-written show as a whole. is it geared towards kids? definitely. there are plenty of jokes/gags in it that just don't appeal to me as an adult, but beyond that, there was plenty to appreciate as an adult.
the writing is actually phenomenal? there were several points in the series where i just sat back and mulled over the way a scene went, what the thought process behind writing it was like, how well it was executed, and how important it was to the characters and overall plot.
the suspense is spot on, nothing gets dragged out too long, and i will admit there have been a few scenes throughout that actually got me; i jumped! it's actually scarier than i expected a kid show to be, but i'm so glad they went where they did because it really elevated the experience.
the pacing overall is very good, adequately engaging for kids' short attention spans (and us adhd adults 🥲) but not too short either to a point where things felt abrupt or unfinished. plot arcs are well developed and tied up nicely. also, as a bit of a dinosaur nerd, the array of dinosaurs in the show is super broad and satisfying! very fun stuff.
character element
imo the real gem of this show is the character development. honestly it's just *chefs kiss*
the characters grow and change so much and so realistically over the course of the show, it's honestly so much better and more satisfying than the character growth in most adult fiction/media recently.
the growth in ben (who btw was def my favorite character by the end of s1) and kenji in particular were my favorites and, in my personal opinion, the most interesting. the way ben started out anxious, cowardly, and rule abiding to a fault, then grew into a brave, confident, adventurous little pyromaniac gremlin, then had that stint later in the series where he regressed a bit-questioning himself-until eventually ultimately striking a great balance and really coming into himself was just... peak character writing.
kenji started out overconfident, lazy, and overly concerned with money/status. but that arrogant overconfidence and laziness slowly turned into responsibility, and a desire to protect his found family, and the realization that it's the people in your life that really matter most.
honestly what i mentioned only scratches the surface in terms of those two characters, there's certainly more that can be said about them (as well as all the others) but i'm not really in the mood for a deep dive character analysis atm. just trust me tho when i say these characters are so well done and each one of them have arcs that are super satisfying to watch play out.
queer representation
and as for the queer couple? yasmina and sammy are PERFECT. it was so beautiful watching their relationship grow from one-sided to mutual friendship, to loyal devotion, then to love. they were set up incredibly well and incredibly naturally. i have like, no complaints when it comes to them. i don't even know if there's anything i can say that would add to things, they were just a really awesome couple to watch become canon, they're the beautiful and painfully needed representation we all beg for in tv and movies.
shipping, chemistry, and intent
but oh goodness... probably my only real complaint about the entire show would be how benji (ben x kenji) and kenji x brooklyn (kenlyn? brookji? idk and idrc) were handled. because for all that this show did SO much beautifully right, they really screwed the pooch here, sadly.
i'm gonna start by saying that the writing in this show, as with most, is deliberate. what i mean by this is that despite having no clue who it would be because my friend thankfully did not even spoil me as far as the genders of the queer couple, i clocked yas and sammy as the would-be queer couple as early as season one (actually it was between them and benji, but more on that later). i could already see the chemistry, because it was deliberately written in.
shipping is subjective. anyone can ship any character, and in most cases it's pretty easy to see how there could be (romantic) chemistry between fan pairings based on their personalities, their arcs, etc. and that's okay! ships don't even have to have any canon support to be valid, because shipping is for the fandom, and it's for fun (i have a few rarepairs and crack ships across different media that i just love).
but onscreen/written romantic chemistry is a lot less subjective (to clarify, it is subjective whether or not the chemistry is good, but it's not subjective about whether or not it exists). there are literally scenes written with the sole purpose of building the romantic tension and/or chemistry between planned couples (some of which even have absolutely zero plot relevance, which usually is not advised tbh, and most of which are the cliches/tropes you see in literally any romance ever written, some are just disguised a little better than others. but make no mistake, it's all the same set of cliches. there is nothing new under the sun), as well as intentional, key moments within scenes that have other purposes. they are essential to establish romantic pairings.
and typically, the foundations for these couples are laid VERY early on. always within the first or second season (well, at least they are when the writer actually knows what they're doing and has at least a rough plan/outline for the entire series & characters. this is usually a large part of what separates the good chemistry from the poor chemistry. an author who knows who the couples are going to be and has a plan from the beginning to build them up is going to be more successful in creating a believable relationship with good chemistry. one who does not plan, or makes last minute plans will almost certainly fail, and the couple is just going to suck). when the set of characters you're working with are going to stay the same for most or all of the story, you start immediately.
i don't mean to toot my own horn, because i think it's because i'm a writer so i just pick up on narrative patterns very easily, and pretty much always clock the planned couples within the first few episodes of any series, and by the end i am right like 9 times out of 10.
that being said, do you know whose deliberately written chemistry i also clocked in jwcc? ben and kenji's.
kenji and... brooklyn?
no offense to people who like/enjoy kenji and brooklyn, you are free to love them, but the way their romance was written is... quite possibly the weakest point of the show. it felt like they were just trying to appease the upsetto heteros in charge, because there was definitely another het pairing that had a lot more potential than kenji and brooklyn (hello darius x brooklyn aka darilyn, you would have actually made sense because your relationship had amazing buildup and multiple standout scenes from s1 on. dgmw, i love that we got a m/f strong, supportive, purely platonic friendship out of them, i live for those and we really need more of them. but we could have had that with kenji and brooklyn, or darius and sammy, or ben and yas, literally any other pair instead).
kenji and brooklyn as a couple came out of absolutely nowhere. i honestly think they decided to shove them together last minute, and had no actual plan for them until they were working on s4. because their development barely started at the VERY end of s3 (the abruptness of him caring about her being held hostage so much more than literally anyone else in their group despite them having like zero buildup to that point gave me whiplash), but honestly didn't really even become "meaningful" development until s4, over halfway through the series. the two spend the first 3 seasons basically not particularly gaf about each other individually, only as part of the whole group and on an equal level with everyone else. they otherwise have no deliberate narrative foundation. it just starts in s4 with no prior hinting. which makes their development rocky and difficult to believe. the funny thing is their characters literally have dialogue (in s4) trying to draw comparisons/parallels between them to say that they especially have a lot in common and like??? no? they really don't? not any more so than any other two kids in the group. their relationship just, really falls flat.
it was disappointing to see it take such a massive spotlight in the series for almost all of seasons 4 and 5, overshadowing the friendships that have been the focus of the show and should have remained so, to the point where at times it just felt like i was watching some stereotypical het highschool romance. genuinely, it made s4 & 5 more of a drag to get through. yasammy and ben and yas' growing bond (which by the way was so sweet, it had the strongest queer solidarity vibes good lord, i sure wonder why yas chose ben out of everyone to come out to first, hmmm) were some of the few things that kept me invested, otherwise i would have dropped it if it had leaned much farther into becoming the kenlyn show than it already was. especially when it was that pair so much of the focus was given to, even though we had so readily and perfectly available, the pair that could have, should have been: benji. which finally brings me to:
ben and kenji
benji's foundation was laid in s1. their interactions, the situations they found themselves in, were deliberate (on the writers' part). i'm even gonna go out on a limb here and say the pairings were fully established in s1e3, even with parallels between yasammy and benji (sammy clinging to yas and ben clinging to kenji throughout the episode), and darilyn gets the beginning of their development too.
even though they bicker a lot in the beginning, they clearly care about each other? kenji protects/helps ben multiple times, and there are definitely some looks ben gives kenji at times. at the end of s1, the one who seems the most deeply effected over ben's "death," other than darius (understandably since he's the one who failed to save him), was kenji! immediately after it happens, we get two close up shots, darius and brooklyn then yasmina and sammy. after which, we go back to the whole group with kenji in center frame, the focus is intentionally on him. it is only kenji who drops to his knees at the loss, and then we get a close up of just kenji. he was saved for last, and he was alone in frame (tbf bumpy was in frame too, but i'm talking humans here), which implies his feelings are especially important in this moment. that is the reason for solo close ups.
after ben's "death," kenji takes to always wearing ben's fanny pack, and up until bumpy--who ben cares VERY much about--got separated from them, kenji was the one who (however briefly) took over her care, ensuring she got off the monorail with them, and he's extremely distraught, more than pretty much all of them, when they can't find her, and he's last to leave when they decide to accept that ben's gone. even when they do leave, he's distant and distracted and his mind is clearly still on ben.
other than darius, kenji is the only one (if i'm remembering correctly) to mention ben/say his name after they lost him, upset because he was actually trying not to think about him. he has clearly thought about ben, probably a lot, because it's hard not to be reminded constantly when you wear something that belonged to a deceased loved one. and frankly, he appears to be the only one who dwells on him that much.
when ben reappears alive (which btw he found the group again because of kenji's butter knife, hello), the frames literally purposely focus on kenji's reaction. he's the one in the foreground every time they show him and brooklyn in that scene. he is the first one to say ben's name, the first one to go to him and hug him, and the scene takes special care to highlight kenji's strong emotions at ben's reappearance, lingering on his teary face as the focus for a bit even after brooklyn enters the frame to hug ben (because she is not at all an important element in the scene at that moment). just like when ben "died," the way this scene is written and shot HEAVILY suggests that ben holds significant importance to kenji, specifically. because again, the focus here is on kenji and ben almost exclusively, with brooklyn as only an afterthought lol. and quite frankly literally everyone else's reaction to him being alive was pretty lackluster compared to the special attention they gave to kenji on this.
and then in s3 we have the infamous hat scene, where darius and ben are in the limo and ben sees and mentions kenji's sailor hat, looking sad and sounding like... longing?? then directly after we switch to kenji realizing he forgot his hat?? the scene has no real significance tbh other than to draw a connection between ben and kenji. like, it acts as a transition to switch to the pov of the group on the boat, but it was entirely unnecessary? why not just have darius say something about the others and then show them on the boat? if there were no special relationship between ben and kenji, it would have made far more sense if they really wanted it to be ben to say something, that he sees the hat, and sadly says something along the lines of "i hope the others are okay/doing better than we are right now/etc" which implies that the hat made him think of everyone, their whole group. rather than what we got... which very much implies that he was mostly just thinking about kenji 💀 and then kenji thinking about the hat at the same time ben's looking at it and thinking of kenji. like, this is.... a very blatant connection being made by the writing/directing here.
all of that. so many deliberate connections made between ben and kenji, they had a very solid foundation laid for a romance to develop, and by all intents and purposes one already WAS developing according to the show's own subtext. which was why up until s4 obliterated the idea, i was positive the queer couple in the show was either going to be yasammy or benji. it was extremely obvious imo. but as soon we started getting the typical, loud, cliche "we are going to pair off these characters" scenes for kenji and brooklyn, i knew we were getting yasammy and not benji (to be clear, i'm not at all upset about yasammy, they're beautiful and i love how their relationship was done, i wouldn't have had it end any other way for them. but i do personally prefer benji, i just like their personalities and dynamic more. and i feel they had so much potential that got wasted to make way for a far less interesting pairing between kenji and brooklyn. why can't we have 2 queer couples, huh? and if we really needed a minimum of one hetero pairing to appease whoever needed appeasing, darilyn was right there).
but then??? their like entire bond just gets dropped (honestly ben himself gets pretty heavily sidelined for almost all of the last two seasons, which is criminal imo). mostly so that a rushed kenji x brooklyn can be established. like there are still a few small moments here and there in early s4, and one episode in s5 (ep 10), but from early s4 till pretty much the end of the series we hardly see them have any meaningful conversations or interactions, meanwhile literally every other combo in the group does.
it's so weird? why build up benji so deliberately over the course of multiple seasons just to like, fully discard it for a pairing with far less chemistry, even after the chemistry-building scenes they shared, some of which literally had no other purpose than to affirm their connection? even though they were very sparse, the moments benji had were just so blatant (kenji leaps into the rock crevice right onto the back of a saber tooth to save ben?!!?? like he literally was just willing to exchange his life for him like that?? he basically says that he wasn't really thinking, he just did it. so he moved out of what, emotional instinct, that's what we're meant to intuit from that series of events? implying that he specifically has strong emotion and doesn't think things through when it comes to ben? because he doesn't do that kinda stuff for any of the others in the group! even better, this parallels when sammy jumped on the nothosaurus to save yasmina. and then the way benji look at each other after it's over??? hello??? and then how kenji pulls both brooklyn and ben in for that hug a couple minutes later... side eyeing the writers for that choice. they knew what they were doing there and they were evil for it). i just can't see any reason to have dropped them like they were, after all the development they shared for 3 seasons. confounding. biggest disappointment of the series.
i know this probably reads to some as just "wahh, my ship didn't become canon" nonsense. but that's not why i'm bugged. this wasn't just a ship i liked and wanted canon despite no actual narrative support, as most ships tend to be. this ship did have narrative support. there was intent behind many of their scenes together, lingering looks and little things that matter narratively and are always used to signify a stronger/special connection. and it led nowhere, for no good reason. that bothers me. writing that implies and promises something, but never delivers on it. like a person who never finishes their sentences (think Dr McPhee from Night at the Museum). ultimately it's not a HUGE deal or anything, at the end of the day it's just a ship and just a kids' show. but as a writer, it's just irritating to see something like that be done. what can i say 🤷
conclusion
even despite the wasted potential between certain pairings, and even though i do think the first three seasons were superior to the last two, overall i really enjoyed the show, and for what it was, it was really well-made. the overarching focus was of course on found family and friendship before anything else, which i absolutely love, and it was masterfully done. out of 6 kids, all of them had at least one or two meaningful bonding moments one-on-one with another in the group, so every possible combination had their moment to build strong, believable friendships with each other. i'm just so surprised by how good it was as a whole honestly, good enough to binge over the course of a week. i will happily recommend jwcc to anyone willing to give it a watch regardless of age, because i definitely think there's no age limit for a good story, no matter the medium it's told in. :)
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kishavo · 7 months
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plagued by memories tonight so I’m going to spit them up and hopefully that brings me relief.
I was an EMT for about 5 years and I think these things are tattooed on my bones. trigger warning under the cut for…upsetting healthcare-related experiences? and the f-slur
I remember bringing a wheelchair-bound elderly man up to his shoebox apartment in the inner city, 12 floors up a derelict building in a tiny, shaky elevator, and being hit with the stink of smoke as soon as I opened the door - cigarette butts stubbed out on every surface, ashtrays overflowing, carpet that started out as brown matted down to black. I offered to help him into bed but he refused. he took off his vietnam veteran baseball cap and picked up a stale pack of cigarettes and told me to go
I remember the man who had been attacked by his neighbors’ dogs, two Rottweilers. his legs were mangled; huge scoops of flesh just gone. he was kind. he asked me how my day was going.
I remember the dead woman in the ER who I was told to bag up and bring down to the morgue. she looked familiar. I remember putting a tag on her thumb but I don’t remember her name. I remember making small talk with the ER tech who was helping me on the elevator ride down to the basement. that sounds like the start of a joke, doesn’t it? a girl, a man, and a dead body get in an elevator. if you think of a punchline let me know
I remember the frequent-flyer patient with a chronic mystery skin infection that caused his legs to leak so much fluid that we had to wrap them in plastic bags or else the gurney would get flooded and it would soak into his pants and spill over the edge onto the floor of the ambulance. the first time I got his call I thought we’d been sent to a haunted house. it was an old victorian in downtown, made of rotting wood and peeling paint. The knob in the front door had been ripped out so I bent down and looked through. There was no answer when I knocked so I yelled ‘hello’ through the hole until eventually someone came down the stairs and silently let us in. Our patient’s apartment was one room, it was dark, it smelled, the bed was as dirty as the floor, beer cans and cigarettes everywhere. There was a tiny, square, box TV playing static. There were spoiled diapers kicked under his desk. He lived alone and apparently had no family. I and every EMT who had ever been sent there reported the situation to social services but nothing was ever done.
there was the woman coming down from a meth binge who kept asking me if I was going to eat her brains. we dropped her off at a psych facility and a few days later I was back with another patient. I saw her again, sober now. when she saw me she averted her eyes and retreated into her room
there was another woman in the middle of a severe psychotic episode who, within 5 minutes of meeting me, looked me dead in the eye and said, “You’re a fat fucking faggot and I want you to die.” She had pissed on all her personal belongings and the back of the ambulance stank so bad of stale human urine that I had to kick the fan on and spray air freshener into my face mask. She spent most of the call insulting and trying to spit on me and my partner. My partner snapped at her but I just ate it. Later, when we were outside cleaning the gurney and waiting for the next call, a stray cat slipped out from behind a nearby dumpster and curled around my boots. he booped my knuckles and mewled when I pet him and the night was good again
I remember being in and out of psych facilities so often and feeling like a fucking imposter because I was burning out, depressed out of my mind and regularly experiencing suicidal ideation. I wondered when I would call 911 and end up there myself. I wondered if it would be my coworkers who would pick me up. the thought of it scared me enough that I never made the call, even when I should have. I started getting high instead
I remember the middle-aged woman having a panic attack. that was at my on-location job, at my city’s arena, where all the concerts and games were held. it was a slow night and too many of us responded. this woman was hyperventilating, the bass from the concert was everywhere, and a crowd of strangers was closing in on her. I got there first, so by default it became my call, which always made me nervous. I sat her down, I kneeled in front of her, she grabbed my hands reflexively and I let her grip on. I coached her breathing. I waved my coworkers back to give her space. I convinced her that everyone there just wanted to help her and that there was nothing to be embarrassed about. it worked. I was soothing, and sure, and strong. it worked.
when it was over she held my shoulder and thanked me. patients don’t usually thank us. when it was over I went to the bathroom and cried. I handled it so well because I had been talking my mom down from her panic attacks for years.
I talked about that call in group therapy the week after. I thought I was going to be proud, that it would be a positive share, but I cried again.
when people ask about what it's like being an EMT, I don’t think they want to hear any of this, they only want the cool stories. they want to hear about the lights and the sirens and to thank you for your service but please, please, don’t. There’s a quote by Anaïs Nin: “I was always ashamed to take. So I gave. It was not a virtue. It was a disguise.”
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princessg3rard · 5 months
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slight vent about sensory issues below the cut :3
why is everything so loud and itchy and weird Jesus fucking christ !! can the idf really not afford to not yell at 18yo for like 3 sec ?? just those 3 like pls I just want a tinsie winsie break that’s all
I’m really grateful that I serve but also I want to kill everyone and run away into the woods
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cinammonelles · 1 year
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Thoughts about Nea, past!Allen and the next chapter
long post, spoilers under the cut
Okay so I've always wondered why Nea gave up on Allen as his ally so quickly. Allen was one of his closest allies besides Cross and Tim till the time of his death right? He even gave up his body so Nea could execute his masterplan.
Yes, Allen did lose all his memories(or did he?) and somehow ended up in the Black Order. But we know Nea can show him his memories so he should also technically be able to show him past!Allen memories that were locked away? Or atleast memories of himself with past!Allen?
Allen would definitely be torn and overwhelmed and confused after but everyone who has known the "other side of the war" has taken Nea's side so far. And Allen even went so far as to become Nea's vessel in the past. He would definitely take his old friend's side again right? Or even seek out some sort of a middle ground?
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Why didn't he do that then? Nea watched all of his memories since Cross started tailing him and Mana. Wouldn't it be easier to have Allen half-cooperate during the little time he has left, instead of having him actively work against him?
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There's so much emotion in this one panel here. Confusion, worry, pain, anger, desolation, and maybe even a hint of guilt?
Its like... he just didn't wanna disturb the little equilibrium Allen had managed to create in his life? The little community he had found in the Black Order?
I mean if we think abt it Nea never really wanted to parasitize Allen in the first place(or atleast that's what I think the evidence so far implies). It was just the only option available to them back then. They needed Nea's powers to thwart the Earl & the Noahs' plans. And if Nea died then the Earl would just absorb(?) him and there would be no stopping him after that.
And I think giving up on Allen as an ally was Nea's way of being kind to him. Of returning the favour. Being his ally isn't an easy or pleasant job from what we've seen so far. And Allen would've disappeared anyway from the moment past!Allen transferred Nea's memories to himself. After seeing his attachment to the Order and the friends he made there, maybe he just wanted Allen to disappear with pleasant memories he made at the Order rather than the gruesome memories of being Nea's ally.
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This panel in particular is so sad. He was able to give up on Allen as an ally so easily because he still had Tim. Tim was his last remaining ally and then he wasn't. And its particularly cruel how Hoshino pulled this off. He says that he doesn't need anyone else as long as he has Tim and just a few chapters later Apocryphos kills him. Nea must be used to losing allies by now but Tim really was the last real friend he had left(hoshino you cruel cruel woman)
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Also the way Link's just bomb dropped the news abt tim?
Imagine hearing your last friend/ally died from some rando and then not even getting the time to process it because your arch enemy's ressurection shows up and somehow has your face? And then you get yeeted back into brain breakroom just as you were about to start beefing with him and the next time you wake up you're in your childhood home which you have mixed, complicated feelings for.
And that's not even getting into the whole 'tim chose allen over nea' thing.
Also if Allen goes back to the mansion and finds Bookman, he's guaranteed to find out atleast part of his past if not the whole. And he would definitely demand to know more from Nea. Will he accept Allen as his ally again now that Tim is gone? Will he accept Link as well? Will he try to kill Johnny again? Will he even be stable enough to consider future plans? Will we ever see Lavi again? We find out next month :D
Or we don't
(I also have a theory abt the Bookmen having the ability to transfer memories but that one's for another time)
Thanks for reading!!!
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