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astringofmadhousefloozies · 3 years

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Birthday Sequence

Three friends have their birthday in a month of each other, and the parties get progressively more interesting. Content warnings for coarse language, offscreen sexuality, underage drinking and the consequences thereof.

As always, check my Twisted Wonderland Fanfiction tag for more, let me know if you enjoyed reading, and if you want to chat or ask a question, my askbox is open.

~*~*~*~

"You look great."

Idia made a whine you were certain they could hear in Savannahclaw and put his face in his hands. "Why did no one tell me about the birthday event?"

"I dunno, because we'd all assumed you'd seen everyone else put on the prissy little birthday boy suit and dance around like an idiot while I did an interview, and realized you weren't exempt."

"But why didn't you make Crowley skip me?" He looked ready to cry, so you you got up on tiptoes to kiss his nose and dry his tears, which simply had the opposite effect.

"Because maybe I wanted to see you dressed up pretty for a change?"

He just groaned. "Wasn't the festival enough?"

"Never enough; not with you. I'll make sure me and Ortho are your bodyguards, okay? Now, get out there and pretend they're all in their underwear. I got a present on the table for you. And..."

"And?"

"If you're truly overwhelmed, I'll bring you back here to hide, and get you out of the monkey suit myself."

It took him three seconds to turn a truly absurd shade of pink, and flee out the door of his room. The only thing scarier than a crowd where you're the center of attention is a lover who's relentless in voicing her attraction, if you're a neurotic dweeb with a molten core of self-hatred.

~*~*~*~

He'd relaxed somewhat as the presents went on. After checking with each person if they'd rather he open it now or in private (shuddering every time someone said now, in fear of bad reactions), he'd so far wound up with a super mega deluxe vinyl release of the Moirai's most recent album (despite not owning a record player, but it came with the digital album and lots of feelers so he still liked it very much), piles of sweets, and wouldn't have to pay for the subscriptions on most of his game for at least two years. And, he still had a pile to go through.

"Who's this one?"

"That's me. Go ahead."

He lifted the lid off the box, and took out a little creature, a sofubi toy of transluscent grey plastic painted with pearly stripes and shiny green eyes. "I've never seen this Nyarochi before." He turned it this way and that, a small smile on his lips. "Where'd you get this?"

"I got it blank at that second hand shop you showed me."

"... Blank." You could see the gears turning.

"Why do you think I asked to borrow your airbrush?"

Turning, turning... there we go. "You did this?"

"Yeah, dude. One of a kind, just for you."

He looked back and forth between you and the toy, smile growing. Once finally settled on you, he lit up - literally; his hair let out a bright, sparking burst that left spots in your eyes. You think he might have said thank you, you were too busy reeling from the sweetness of his expression, all directed at you, and little Nyarochi was tucked in his jacket pocket until he finally left for his room, you in tow.

~*~*~*~

"Hey Sam."

"Hey, Yuu. What can I get for you this fine day?"

"I got a list. I'm making something for Lilia. Did you know he's a new year's baby?"

"I did!" Sam scanned the list, only to set it down and raise an eyebrow at you. "I have much of this, and can order almost all the rest. You do know I'm not allowed to sell alcohol to a minor."

"It ain't for me, though. Do you know where I can get it?"

He shuffled around in a drawer before sliding a card across the table. "In Stock Now! The solution to your problem."

It was your turn to raise an eyebrow. "Sam. Does Crowley know you're selling fake IDs?" Your turned it over. "Really, really good fake IDs?"

"Crowley lets me do what I want, because I might stop doing what he wants."

You laughed. "Gross. Alright, I don't know the price, but can I get a discount if I help you stock a few weekends?"

"I'll do layaway just for you, if you come in next week."

~*~*~*~

"Yuu!" Lilia leapt at you, and you swung him around in a hug. "It's so great to have you here! Where's my loot?"

"I got to finish it, let me go a minute."

He did, and watched with interest as you set up from your cooler. You ran a lime around the rim of a glass, and crust it with red salt before filling it with ice.

"Yuuuuuuu. My little darling. You know I'm too young to drink."

"No you're not, dude. it's an open secret, like what happens in that shed behind the gym stays there and you don't get admitted to NRC if you're completely heterosexual." You added the mix to the glass, before tossing in a celery stick and sliding it over to him.

He barked out a laugh and took the glass. "That's true all right." He sipped at it and smiled. "What is it?"

"At home they call it a Caesar. I made up a shitton and I'm leaving you with the recipe, which you have to follow. I figure you liked your tomato juice, so..."

"It is just my taste. Thank you." You'd only blinked, and he'd already finished it and slid the glass back. "More, please."

~*~*~*~

You'd learned two things tonight, of which you'd only dimly suspected one. The first was that Lilia could probably drink the entire school under the table, staff and ghosts included. The second, far more interesting thing, was that when tipsy, Lil talked about his past, and in his past, he truly redefined the meaning of "absolute slut".

Looking like a particularly cute teenybopper had not stopped him from fucking his way through most of the Court of Thorns, and a great deal of the places he'd visited, in ways both inventive and more than occasionally disturbing. You really, really ought to stop him; poor Mal was standing out on the balcony with his fingers in his ears, singing very loudly to drown out the noise, but you were too busy taking notes. Kalim was listening to his fellow Light Music Club member in awe, and Cater had been recording for the past forty five minutes, though you were pretty sure if he uploaded any of this his Magicam account would get permabanned for pornographic content.

"And that's when his sister - fabulous woman, cunt like a ripe fig and she'd start giggling every time you..." he stopped and swirled his empty glass. "Where'd my drink go?"

"You drank it all, dear. There's none left."

"Aww. Why'd I have to share it all." He set his glass down and plucked the half-full one from in front of Silver's sleeping form. "Hey, did I ever tell you what I got up to with his," nodding out towards Malleus,"his grandmother?"

You never found out, as Mal simply bodied him clean across the room before any more could be said.

~*~*~*~

"Vil."

"What."

"Can I borrow your lab equipment?"

He narrowed his eyes. "Why."

"I wanna make perfume."

He brightened. "Finally decided to stop smelling like a haunted house?"

"Vil, I actually pay real money for perfume that smells like a haunted house. I have multiple. Sometimes I layer them, to mix with the natural scent of the haunted house I already live in. And it's not for me, though if this works I might try to make stuff for myself."

He wrinkled his nose at you, somehow not creasing his makeup. "Why should I help you?"

You thought about it, and then shrugged. "Well. Why not?"

"... I hate that I can't argue with that. Come on."

~*~*~*~

You have no idea if the party was sedate because of the relatively few people outside of Diasomnia, or because everyone was scared of potential etiquette breaches. You could not complain either way; parties wore on you as they went on and Idia hadn't tried to leave in fear. Either way, Mal was starting to go from blandly cheerful host to fretful.

"What if there is too much cake? I don't wan't to have to finish it."

"You don't have to, dude. Cake's for sharing."

"When I was young, I was the only person at my party who wasn't a servant. So I would end up eating the entire cake by myself, every time." He stared off into the middle distance. "I don't really like cake."

"That's the single saddest thing I have ever heard in my entire life, holy shit dude."

"Why have a cake then, if you don't like it?" Idia was halfway through his piece. Third piece, actually. You envied his capacity to eat what seemed like his weight in buttercreme and not get nauseous, even if you worried for his pancreas.

"Tradition," Mal said, as if he was explaining the most obvious thing in the world.

"You should have done an ice cream cake, then. You actually like that."

"That is an option?" He paused, eyes full of wonder. "What else can be ice cream?"

You cut in before Malleus could continue down a road of ice-cream-everything. "You know, if you're that worried about leftovers, why not send a wrapped slice with the thank you cards for the gifts? Gets rid of it all so you won't be compelled to eat it ‘til you're sick."

Mal instantly grabbed you. "You are a brilliant, amazing, genius of a person. I'm glad you're my Son of Man and I like you very much."

Idia gave the tinest of coughs, looking towards the poison-coloured flames in the fireplace.

"You are mine too. I like the special case for my Dragon-Kun very much."

"Thought you would." He smiled down at his plate.

"Oh, shit, yeah. Here's mine." You brought the bag out from behind your seat and handed it over; Mal shredding it in his excitement.

"... What is this?" the box inside revealed a set of five amber bottles with screw-on tops.

"Your own special perfume blend. Rose petals from the Heartslabyul garden, blackberries, and the fruit of a blackthorn tree." You leaned back in your seat and struggled not to laugh at your own hideous pun. "I call it Feeling Thorny."

Good thing the box was well padded, because he dropped it in his laughter. Idia, bless his heart, wound up choking on some of the cake and needed an entire glass of water to stop coughing.

"I got the goods!" Lilia and Sebek had returned, the latter glowering at you over the top of a dusty crate as though he'd assumed you'd simply eat his precious prince alive the second his back was turned.

"What's the goods, Lil."

"Well, he's got friends he made here for this party, so I figured I'd crack something open from my stash." He pried the top of the crate with his bare hands, which would have made you need to sit down if you hadn't been already. "Saving this for a special occasion."

"Lilia, there's no need to bring that out for us."

"Nonsense! You deserve it! And this party's too damned slow. A little wine will be just the thing, and this is very light stuff, you'll all be fine."

You doubted that, but still accepted the glass of liquid gold when offered. It smelled sweet and floral, and to your pleasant surprise, did not taste like fermented misery when sipped.

Wait a minute.

"Lil, if I drink the fairy wine, I don't have to go live in the Valley of Thorns forever, do I?"

Malleus, seizing opportunity, sad "Yes" at the same time Lilia said "No" and Lil elbowed Mal in the ribs for it. "I'm not invoking any of our more traditional rules of hospitality. If I must," he said, elbowing Mal again before he could try to weave anything, "Let this be in return for being such wonderful friends to both me and my boy."

"I'll accept it." You sipped more as Silver wandered over and leaned over Idia for a glass himself. Idia simply drained his own to try and distract himself from the proximity of him before the anxiety kicked into high gear. Maybe it would vanish entirely if you got him profoundly drunk, you thought to yourself, but that wasn't something you wanted to try. He had enough issues without his deciding alcoholism was the solution to his problems.

Time to settle down and enjoy the evening. The wine didn't feel like anything, so what could possibly happen?

~*~*~*~

You woke up with a pounding head, your party clothes in disarray, and new and interesting pains. You examined yourself and your surroundings, and let things come back naturally.

Lilia, being very generous with his bottles, to the point of not letting a glass go empty at any point. Malleus sitting with his legs crossed and head in his hands, gazing warmly and not without hunger at a both very animated and disheveled Idia as he talked. You getting up to leave, and sitting right back down because your legs didn't work, so you'd simply...

Simply wound up here in Mal's bed, instead of home. With both of your boys.

The evidence wasn't the best. No telltale soreness, but you had a number of new and interesting bite marks, including one very high on your inner thigh with the dentition clearly showing fangs. Your underwear was in place, even if the tule of your pannier was shredded, so you didn't think you'd done anything more than very heavy petting. And to tell the truth? The idea of having done anything more didn't bother you - truly, there weren't other people you'd rather have done it with - but the idea that you had? And you couldn't recall all the fun details? Agonizing.

You leaned over, holding your head, to brush the hair off of Mal's face. He looked at ease, and had managed to slot himself into his weird pillows, so at least he wouldn't wake up with a crick in his neck.. You checked your boyfriend, clinging to Mal's far side like a lanky blue limpet. On his collarbone, at the spot where you preferred to leave your own marks, was a bite similar to the one on your leg. You had to turn away at the sight; the images it brought to your mind left your flushed and dizzy with want despite your pain. How fun, to learn new and interesting things about yourself.

Idia stirred and sat up. He looked to you, to Mal, to you again. His face had no expression beyond starting to turn rapidly grey and sweaty.

You pointed. "That door."

He nodded once before stumbling off to bed and through the bathroom door, to puke away his hangover.

Alright, next step. You poked at your sleeping friend. "Mal. You alive?"

He opened both eyes, bloodshot with a hair-thin pupil, and started making a noise akin to a base boosted tea kettle up 'til you placed a pillow over his head to shut him up. Fortunately, it worked immediately, he lay where he was like an idiot until adjusting it so the pillow merely blocked the top of his face.

"Yuu. How are you feeling?"

You thought about it. "Like I got run through a laundry press. You?"

He smacked his lips and ran his tongue over his teeth. "My mouth has grown fur."

"Wonderful."

"Light hurts."

"Par for the course."

"I'm not sure what else yet. Where is Shroud?"

Another bout of heaving from Malleus's bathroom answered that thoroughly.

Mal pouted. "Poor thing. He didn't even have that much."

"We all had enough. I'm still remembering bits and pieces."

He reached towards you and grabbed your arm, squeezing. "You are... you..." As much as he struggled for the words, the anxiety in his voice made the meaning clear enough.

"I'm not upset over any of it. I just hate that I don't recall it clearly yet." You extracted your arm from his grasp, and slid off the bed. "I'm gonna get water from the hall bathroom. You want any?"

He smacked his lips again, and smiled, wider than you'd ever seen him do before, specks of blood still crusted in the grooves of his teeth. "I can still taste you on my tongue. I never want it to fade."

"Hhhhhholy shit you need water. Bye." You left to try and hide the wobbling in your legs that wasn't from the hangover.

~*~*~*~

"You."

You stopped, and stared. It took an entire four seconds to realize that the large, half-dressed green bean glaring at you from the doorway was Sebek before he styled his hair in the morning. "You mean like, my name, or just me in general?"

He pointed a finger, hissing out his words. "You finally did it! You evil little minx."

"I didn't, actually, or at least not what you think."

He kept going, trying to keep his voice down. "You've seduced Lord Malleus! And now you're going to try and steal the crown."

What in the actual fuck. And he wasn't done yet. "You cruel temptress! Leading him on just so that you could become a queen our people would detest! My poor lord, at the whims of some-"

"Hey, you jealous there, Zig? You mad you aren't serving him all ways? If you want his dick so bad-"

"Shhhhhhhhh!" He looked over his shoulder, back inside, before glaring back at you. "I couldn't do that in good conscience! Lord Malleus deserves someone who holds only him in their heart. He's not my whole heart, so I wouldn't try. You, you have damn near everyone here wrapped around your fingers! And it's still not enough for you!"

"Sebek! He is my friend. And I give zero fucks about the whole throne thing, just so you know. Why would I want to be a queen? That shit sounds exhausting. And he isn't going to ascend until my great grandkids are in the dirt, so, yanno, shit planning if I tried."

Sebek was trying to think of a rebuttal when a pair of hands squeezed him from behind. "Stop yelling. I'm going to brush my teeth." Silver let go and circled around, dragging his hand along Sebek's waist as he did. "Be ready when I'm back." With that, he walked past you with his small smirk to the bathroom you'd just exited, wearing nothing but one of Sebek's shirts.

You watched the hemline skirting the back of his thighs with entirely too much interest before looking back at Sebek. "God damn, dude."

"Say anything else and I will throw you out the window."

~*~*~*~

Mal had traded his bed for sitting on the floor, braced against the wall by the bathroom. He'd managed to close the drapes against the garish light of morning, and the sounds from beyond the wall had changed from sickness to a running shower as you gave Mal a cup. "Drink up, asshole."

"How am I an asshole?"

"Because it's your birthday we all got drunk at."

"Please blame Lilia for that. Fairy wine is not something humans should start the evening with." He sipped the water and grimaced.

"Taste bad?"

"I forgot I didn't want to put anything else in my mouth after you."

"Mal, no. There won't be a repeat, even if I don't really regret it."

He looked at you with heart about to break. "Why not?"

"It's not fair to either of you! I love you dearly, but I'm not in love with you. I'm in love with him." You sighed. Even as more of last night came back, you realized you may have broken the whole thing beyond repair. "And how would you like it if you saw me running around with someone else? Don't say you wouldn't be jealous. You've got a five mile streak of it."

Mal was silent, before saying very quietly, "I don't mind so much after having him too."

"Yeah, well." You put your head in your hands. "You're sure he didn't jump out the window to hide in his room forever after that?"

Mal knocked againt the door, wincing at the noise. "Idia? You are present? You're alive in there?"

A few moments before that shaky reply of "I'm not sure, check in five minutes."

Mal smiled. "That's promising, is it not?"

"You know I can hear you out there, right?"

"I didn't."

"I can." More silence. "Also, the window doesn't open."

You quirked your mouth. "Is the shower helping? I might need a turn."

"Some."

"Do you want to talk about last night?"

More silence, before a small, "Not yet," as the shower shut off. "Can I borrow a robe? My clothes are wet."

"Go ahead, Idia."

He exited in a cloud of steam and purple-black terrycloth, and simply laid down on the floor, gripping it as if he would fly off.

"Still bad?"

He noded, cheek pressed against the floor. Fresh from the water, his hair was low enough that you could make out the actual hair on his head, each glowing like the finest fiber optic thread.

"Well. I don't think any of us are going to class today. So stay as long as you need to."

"Thank god, I don't want to try those damned stairs until my head's on right." You thought to yourself for a moment. "Is Ortho okay?"

Idia actually managed a smile. "I told him I was thinking of staying over and trying to activate event flags."

It took you a moment to understand the implications of that. "Noooo. This was not your idea."

"Mal wasn't. But. Ummmmm." He held up a hand and wiggled it. "He was there?"

"Your boyfriend is interestingly pliable when someone puts their mouth on him. A trait you both share, actually."

You felt ready to burst into flames. This could not be happening. "So who's idea was you getting under my skirts, Mal? That bruise is going to last weeks."

"Yours, actually. You wouldn't let go of my horns until you were satisfied."

The memory of that, and more, hit you like a transport truck, and you simply laid down and refused to say anything until Lilia burst in, disgustingly chipper and with a platter of burnt toast to chew on until the worst of the hangover was gone.

#twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland fanfiction #idia shroud #lilia vanrouge #malleus draconia

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themonotonysyndrome · 4 years

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The Holy Quintet in Twisted Wonderland! (all 7 dorms - Part 4)

We now have reach Mami’s reaction to the other dorms! I’m still trying to juggle with work and all of my TW’s writings so apologies that updates for this crossover series are a bit slow. But after we’re done with Madoka’s part, future instalments are going to be a bit easier to manage (I hope. The Witches & Kyuubey scenes as well as the girls’ personal stories definitely require properly outline. But we’ll cross that bridge when we get there!) Also, I have a Discord for all my TW’s stuff! Come and brainstorm with me for more ideas for this series or just chill and talk shit about stuff. https://discord.gg/JeYwU2

That’s it frome me, let’s get to it!

Tomoe Mami & the other dorms (except Pomefiore)

HEARTSLABYUL!

True to her word, when Riddle told Sayaka that she could invite one of the girls to their Unbirthday Party, she immediately rush to find Mami. Telling about the party that Heartslabyul often throw.

Sayaka promises that there would be plenty of sweets, teas, cute animals and fun games. So would she like to attend?

Never one to turn down the opportunity to hang out with her friends and enjoy some teas at the same time, Mami didn’t hesitate to accept the offer. Sincerely thanking of Sayaka for thinking of her.

The day before the party, Mami made sure she would look nothing but her absolute best. She had a couple of dresses sketched out that she could easily use her ribbons to transform into for the party and now she’s sitting in front of the vanity table with her hair down. Carefully planning how she would do her hair and make up for tomorrow.

As you can probably tell, she’s both nervous and excited to attend a formal tea party since this is her first time ever. She even falls asleep, smiling to herself, dreaming of all the fun things she and Sayaka would have.

The day of the Unbirthday Party arrives. Coincidentally, Vil was there at the dorm lounge, tutoring a group of second-year students, when Mami descend the stairs. When the Dorm Leader turn to the stairs, his frown transform into a brilliant smirk. He wasted no time to appraise Mami of her dress, hair-do and simple yet elegant makeup. His eyes never stop to critically scan her from the hair pin artfully on her twin tails to her cute little high-heels. Even the second-year students who were wilting under Vil’s strict tutelage brighten when they see their Golden Princess. They smile and offer their compliments as well.

Mami’s cheeks redden slightly but she made sure to curtsey and thanked Vil and her second-year seniors for their kind and thorough compliments. When the Beauty Queen asked where Mami is heading looking so dolled up, she replies that Sayaka had invited her to Riddle’s Unbirthday Party. Vil took a moment to silently pondered before warning her of the many rules that reigned over Heartslabyul. But after Riddle’s Overblot episode, Vil assured Mami that all she needs to do is behave herself, mind her manners and the rules shouldn’t be a problem. Mami thanked her Dorm Leader once more and head off.

The moment she steps out of Pomefiore, all eyes are on her and every heads turn to Mami’s direction. This powerful Magical Girl feel a little self-conscious at the attention she’s receiving since she’s still a very much young girl at heart but kept her head high. Vil’s words instantly echoed in her mind; as a Pomefiore student, she must always hold herself proud. Their beauties are hard-earned and rightfully deserved.

The few Heartslabyul students that were tasked to greet guests gape when Mami arrives. It took a moment for the boys to pick their jaws up from the ground to usher Mami to the garden, as gentlemanly as possible. They blunder as they escort her, but their sincere efforts is very much appreciated by Mami. So she sweetly thanked them when they brought her to Riddle.

Riddle, who already took his seat at the head of the table, is pleased when Mami introduces herself to him, with all the grace of a noble lady. Internally, he believes that Vil and his dorm deserved to claim this Magical Girl as their Golden Princess. Because behind her beauty and gentle smile, her words are steady and calm. That shows the strength behind it.

Mami’s smile turn fond and a lot more open when Sayaka happily jogged towards them, eagerly chatted their ears off of all the fun things they can do and oh, oh, won’t Mami sit next to her? There’s just so many things that she wants to talk to her about! Like that time when Sebek and Kyouko caused an accident during Alchemy lesson and switched their classmates’ voices. Needless to say that Mami basked in Sayaka’s company, even giggle when Riddle’s interject with a sigh and a shake of his head at the whole fiasco.

So caught up in the conversation, Mami didn’t notice the Vice Dorm Leader of Heartslabyul smoothly saddled up beside Riddle to announce that the party is ready to begin. Riddle clap his hands once and the Heartslabyul students kicked into gear. Mami however, stood frozen. Her heart began to race. She stares hard at Trey Clover.

Decked in his dorm uniform, Trey actually didn’t realise how unbelievably handsome he presented himself to our Magical Girl. As Riddle instruct everyone to take their seat and somewhere in the background Sayaka is waving her arm madly, trying to catch Mami’s attention, Trey introduces himself as the Vice Dorm Leader of Heartslabyul. His friendly smile and deep voice captivated Mami. And when Trey pull out the vacant chair beside Sayaka for her, her heart skips a beat.

“Mami-san? Are you alright? Heellloo??”

“Ah! Y-Yes, I’m alright!” Cue Mami hurrying to raise her teacup to hide her blush.

The Unbirthday Party was truly amazing. Mami immensely enjoyed the tea, sweets and company of not just Sayaka but the Heartslabyul students as well.

However, despite how lively her surrounding is, Mami’s eyes couldn’t help but subtly trailed after Trey who’s making rounds, ensuring that everyone has plenty to eat, Riddle’s teacup is always full and Ace and Deuce aren’t getting too rowdy. When Trey noticed that Mami is staring at him, he smiles and give her a wink before focusing on the party.

Mami blushes harder and tried not to squirm in her seat. She has never felt anything like this before! There was no boy back at home that she ever gave a second thought. Her life as a Magical Girl is busy as it is dangerous. Back then, romance and her love life was the farthest thing in her mind.

But here’s Mami experiencing her first crush ever and on none other than Trey Clover.

And for first time ever, her tongue is tied when Trey finally sat down across from her. When Trey asks questions, wanting to know her better (after all, Sayaka sing nothing but praises about the girl who teaches her how to be strong, how could Trey not be interested?), Mami low-key struggle not to stammer her words and not shyly gaze away. Fortunately, Sayaka didn’t notice anything off about her nor how hard Mami’s hands fisted on her dress underneath the table.

Cater appear, being her unintentional saviour. He’s been meaning to take a pic of Pomefiore’s Princess and Mami jumps on the opportunity to just breathe without having to look at Trey. However, when Cater ushered them for a group picture, Mami thought she would faint when she felt her back was pressed against Trey’s chest.

(Someone save this poor girl.)

Riddle approved of Mami. She’s a good student, a good teacher to Sayaka and despite not knowing all the rules of his dorm, she’s very mindful of them. Though her reluctance to actually look at his Vice Dorm Leader when they talk is a little rude. Did... did Trey do something to offend Vil’s prized student?

Cater adores Mami! She looks so photogenic in all the pics he took! He adores her little laugh, sweet smiles and thoughtfulness. He internally laments on why couldn’t his sisters be like her!?

Even before meeting her, Mami already earned Trey’s respect. With the way how Sayaka and even Kyouko talk about Mami, it seems that she’s the girls’ leader and would often try her best to look after them. So he wants to know more about her! How is she adjusting to their world? Are the foods and drinks to her liking? Please don’t hold back, eat as much as she wants.

Though he’s confused as to why Mami is acting differently with him. She shrinks in on herself when they talk and refuse to meet his eyes. Whereas with Cater, Ace, Deuce and even Riddle, she’s comfortable interacting with them. Perhaps he’s coming off too strongly? Oh well. Trey is certain that she just needed time to warmed up to him.

Ace and Deuce at first don’t really know how to talk or interact with Mami. Bless their hearts, they tried to be a gentleman for her only to hilariously failed at pouring tea for her. Mami rushed to help them clean up the spilled drink and patted their arms, thanking them for trying their best to accommodate her. Please don’t treat her differently. She’s more than happy if Ace and Deuce treats her like how they treat Sayaka and Kyouko. She can take a little roughing, don’t worry.

As for Mami, she hopes that Ace and Deuce won’t hold themselves back with her. She wants to join them and have fun too! It’d be nice to let loose once in a while.

Cater is a whirlwind of camera’s flashing, teasing and good humour. Mami is very charmed by him (thought his smiles are not as captivating as Trey’s) throughout the party. She likes his easy-going attitude, how well he eases the tension between Ace, Deuce and Sayaka during the game of croquet. She definitely looks up to him as her senior from another dorm.

Riddle is also another senior that Mami looks up to. She takes in how compose and how well he manages the other students, his magic quick to prevent any accidents to happened and his hard-working nature is admirable. There’s a lot she can learn from Riddle and Mami hopes the two of them would be able to study together in the near future.

Trey... well, even when the party’s over and Mami well on her way back to her dorm, Trey is still running in her mind. Among the boys, Trey is the most prince-like to her. You can bet this girl already falls hard for him when Sayaka informed her that Trey’s the one who baked all the sweets for the Unbirthday Party.

By the time she reaches Pomefiore, Rook who was nearby noted the slight dazed expression on Mami’s face when he asked if she had fun at the party. His interest is definitely piqued when Mami then blushed and run to her room.

Rook is familiar with the expression of infatuation. Though he never expect that Mami would be among the girls to wear such an expression! Perhaps one of the students here finally tug on their Princess’ heartstrings. Now, which boys from the Heartslabyil dorm is Mami enamoured with?

Vil needs to know about this.

SAVANACLAW!

Lately, Mami notice that she hasn’t seen Kyouko in classes. And when she asked Madoka and Sayaka whether Kyouko is busy, the two girls sheepishly explain that she’s just skipping.

Seeing Mami’s disappointed frown, Sayaka gave in and explain that Kyouko likes nap at the green house. And so Mami left for the green house after requesting Sayaka not to warned Kyouko that she’s coming. They had 30 minutes before their next class and Mami is confident that she can drag the redhead girl with her to their History class.

Arriving at the green house, it wasn’t hard for her Soul Gem to pick up Kyouko’s brash and flame-like magic hidden somewhere behind thick shubberies and greeneries. However, Mami was not expecting Leona to be there with Kyouko; napping on the soft grass beside his junior dorm mate. His tail lightly entertwine around Kyouko’s arm.

Mami almost didn’t want to disturb the two but as students, they have responsibilities to attend classes so she crouch down beside Kyouko to light shake her awake.

Kyouko groan and stir. She cracks one eye open and groan louder when Mami is smilling down at her. Kyouko try to shoo the veteran Magical Girl away but Mami is having none of it.

At first, Mami tries to gently persuade and even bribe Kyouko to follow her to their class but when Kyouko rolls away, Mami decide to use her ribbons.

Before Kyouko could summon her spear, Mami already create a tall armoured knight and scoop the redhead girl up in its arms and hug her before Kyouko could escape.

“What the - seriously, Mami? Lemme go!”

“We have History class soon, Kyouko. Shall we go now?”

“Are you even listening to me!?”

Mami’s giggle and Kyouko’s whining rouse Leona up.

Leona would think he’s dreaming at first. There’s his junior in the arms of a really tall knight that just came out of nowhere, squirming and trying to break free. That itself is a cause for alarm because if something can pinned Kyouko down, then that means it can’t be good and they must be crazy strong. But when he saw Mami smiling gently, his brain would froze. Ah shit, it’s that prissy Pomefiore’s Dorm Leader’s junior. And the girl that Kyouko once told him is the strongest out of all of them.

So Kyouko is on her own. No matter how much Kyouko shriek for him to help her. He grumble and told the girls to quiet down because someone is trying to nap here, hello!

However, just as Leona close his eyes, Mami sweetly said, “Senpai, don’t you have class too?”

Leona’s eyes flew open again and he immediately found himself in the arm of another armoured knight. Like a surprised, indignant cat, Leona narrowed his eyes at the blonde hair girl who is totally unfazed at his ire.

“Shall we go to class together?” Without waiting for a reply, Mami begin walking out of the green house with Kyouko and Leona behind her; both trying to escape.

“Herbivore! If you don’t let me go right now - ”

“I think Bucchi-senpai should be around. Don’t worry, Kingscholar-senpai. I’ll get you to your class.”

Leona groan when Kyouko told him to just give up. He would need to actually make an effort to fight Mami if he wants to get away. It’s a sight to behold for the passing students to see the Dorm Leader of Savanaclaw and the Savanaclaw Brawler being carried off by huge knights.

That was Mami’s first proper interaction with Leona. After that day, the lion is a bit wary whenever Mami drop by Savanaclaw to visit Kyouko. He had tried to use his spells and even break apart Mami’s knight that was carrying him with his claws but it seems that her magic was a lot stronger than he anticipated. It was a slight bruise to his ego. But as long as Mami doesn’t develop a habit of stalking him and the rest of his dorm mates like Rook, Leona doesn’t have a problem with her as long as Mami doesn’t step out of line with him.

When Mami came to Ruggie and Jack to drop off Leona as if he was a package, Ruggie couldn’t help but cackle seeing the distraught expression on Leona’s face. And the fact that no matter how much Leona struggle, he couldn’t break free from Mami’s magic (she explains how she uses her ribbons to carried him and Kyouko) and that impress the hyena. The women back home are known for their strength and power and Ruggie was right that Mami has them in spades beneath her Pomefiore’s grace.

Jack is silently appraising Mami’s magic when she releases Leona to their care. After explaining that she possess magical ribbons, he tries to understand how she could make those huge knights from them. He wonders if Mami has mastered her magic. After that day, if Mami drops by to visit Kyouko at their dorm, Jack would shyly ask Mami for tips on how to improve on his magic. A fresh, new perspective would make a good progress for him. After all, Vil always give excellent criticism to his work out regiment from time to time.

For Mami, despite the difference between their dorms, she’s actually quite accepting of Leona’s irritableness, Ruggie’s mischeviousness and Jack’s gruff yet thoughtful demeanour. She’s a little hurt whenever Leona would glance at her suspiciously but whenever she tries to approach him, Leona would hightail his way out of there.

(Keep that up Leona and Rook would hunt you down, tied you up and bring you to Pomefiore so you and Mami could properly talk things out).

Mami admire Ruggie immensely. He’s hard-working, already planning ahead for his future and despite coming from a poor background, he kept his spirits up and strive to improve his and his grandmother’s life. You best believe that Ruggie would blush and shyly scratch his ears when Mami told him this. Especially if Mami informed him that she wants to be as strong him too. These two would then talk about their perception of strength and power.

Since Mami already gotten along quite well with Epel, she soon will get to know Jack when Epel brought her along to their workout session. Whenever Mami is with them, their workout sessions focused on magic instead of physical trainings. The 3 of them would sit down and talk about the nuances of their magic and toss ideas around on how improve them and Mami would coach them to think outside of the box when it comes to their Unique Magic. After all, her magic come in the form ribbons and she could construct nearly anything using them.

From that day onwards, Mami and Jack can usually be found either in the library or training field, studying and training together. Both of them are good friends because of their view on justice and being the sole voice of reason for their respective group of friends. As for Jack, he regards Mami highly as he do for Vil. Whenever she fights with her ribbons and guns out, it never fail to steal his breath away.

OCTAVINELLE!

Mami’s first encounter with the Octavinelle dorm is through Jade Leech. During Summonning class, the teacher gave the students an assignment and he paired Mami up with the Vice Dorm Leader of Octavinelle.

On the surface level and to the other students, these two are nothing but polite, professional and kind to one another. Upon being partners for the assignment, Jade offer Monstro Lounge as their study location and even promises that drinks would be on him while Mami suggest to leave the reference books and information gathering to her. They appear to be a perfect academic team, right?

However, Mami is well aware of Floyd and Kyouko’s scuffle and the gossips floating around Pomefiore regarding those that rule over Octavinelle. A pair of twins and their boss. Since Kyouko could handle herself against the twin named Floyd Leech, Mami actually did a little investigation regarding him, his twin brother and their Dorm Leader prior before properly introducing herself to Jade Leech.

So the moment the teacher had paired her up with him, she made sure to firmly keep her mask up, her smile never falters in front of this devious and charming student. While Mami might not be as confrontational as Kyouko, that doesn’t mean she’s meek against threats that disguise themselves underneath a sweet facade. After all, that’s how Witches lures innocent bystanders into their Labyrinth.

So yes, Mami is very much aware about the Leech Twins, Azul and their shady dealings. That’s why she remain on her very best behaviour around Jade and held herself back from showing any weaknesses.

But Mami being Mami, she believes that Jade deserve the benefit of a doubt. So despite how guarded she is, her offer is sincere and as long as Jade doesn’t do anything nefarious blatantly in front of her, Mami would not confront him.

Throughout the time of their partnership, Jade is nothing but a perfect gentleman to her. It’s know by everyone by now in NRC that among all the girls, Mami is the strongest of them all so he’s very, very mindful on how he interacts with her. Azul still wanted to learn more about the girls’ magic so if he slips up, it’s game over for them.

When Mami finally came to Mostro Lounge, Azul made sure to give her the best table available and personally attend to her and Jade while they studied. Floyd is well and occupied with kitchen duties. When Jade informed him that Mami is his partner, Azul strictly forbid him from using his Unique Magic on her. They still don’t know enough about her and the risks are still not within his comfortable range.

Mami accept Azul’s hospitality and treatment with grace. Since Azul is working hard to be the perfect host, Mami recipocrate by humouring a few innocent questions; just enough to satiate his curiosity. But not enough to hand him leverage over her or her friends. Yes, her magic is simply ribbons but she kept her mastery over them to herself. Oh, Madoka? She’s a sweetheart isn’t she? But I’d stay away from her shooting range if I were you.

It comes as a surprise to both Mami and Azul at how well they could read one another; almost transparent really. The longer she stayed at Mostro Lounge and talk to Azul, the more she sees herself in him. A lost, insecure girl that she worked hard to hide from everyone. Including herself.

As for Azul, Mami’s polite veneer and gentle smile are eerily similar to his. Unlike with the rest of the girls, Mami understands him more than he’d like and a small part of him wonders if the two of them are more alike than anyone think. Both indivisual has a strong wall/front to protect themselves against the world.

Jade, being the observer that he is, notice the walls that Mami has around her from their daily interactions. How could he not when Azul has the same walls around him as well? He wonders just what could shatter these two until their vulnerable selves are bare for the world to judge. He had been waiting for some time with Azul, but now he’s keeping an eye on Mami as well. It would be quite a show for sure.

Even after submitting their assignment, Mami still couldn’t get a read on what Jade really think most of the time. He sounds amused at every little thing and his endless patience when it comes to his erratic twin brother is admirable. Mami has an inkling that Jade enjoys toying with people but without evidence, she can’t call him out on it.

Floyd finds Mami pretty but so boring. No matter how much he tried to tease or antagonised her, she didn’t react like Kyouko at all. She wants to squeeze her like how he’s trying to do to Kyouko but her ribbons are always fast to seperate them or bind him so she could make a quick get away. Floyd wants to fight her too! Floyd wants to see just how strong Mami really is.

As for Mami, Floyd is a headache to deal with. He’s like a sadistic child who enjoys tearing the wings of insects. The moment he burst out of the kitchen, trying to squeeze the breath out of Mami just as she was about to leave Mostro Lounge, Mami already plan to stay away from him. Kyouko might humoured him, but she’s not.

SCARABIA!

Despite how strict Vil is on his dorm mates, he’s known to reward their hard work from time to time. And recently? For scoring well in her Alchemy test, Vil gifted Mami a flower hairpin in a reminiscent of the one that she wears with her Soul Gem in her Magicl Girl outfit. It’s pretty, light and Rook praise how it enhance her beauty even more.

So Mami has been wearing the flower hairpin every day. She loves it because it also symbolises as a token of her achievement. Even Kyouko think that it looks good on her.

One day while she’s walking through the hallways of the college’s main building, Mami didn’t realised that the hairpin fell off. She only realised when she return to Pomefiore to retire for the day. Needless to say that Mami was upset when she found her hairpin missing. She texted her friends if they had seen it but they all reply back that they haven’t but they promised to keep an eye out for it. So Mami went to bed distraught that day.

The next day arrive and Mami is a little distracted. She’s looking for her hairpin in between her classes and she would absentmindedly play with her hair where the hairpin should be.

It’s during the afternoon when lunchtime is nearly over that someone suddenly ambush her with a loud and happy shout.

“Tomeo-san! Tomeo-san! Over here!”

Swooshing through the air on his magic carpet, Mami watch with wide eyes as Kalim jump off, rolled onto the ground and presented her flower hairpin to her with a wide grin. “I think this is yours, Tomoe-san!”

Mami broke into a delightful laugh and then shyly smile. This senior made quite an entrance and an unforgettable first impression on her! She thanked him for finding her hairpin after she clips it back on her hair. That’s when Mami and Kalim introduces themselves to one another.

Unlike with Jade, Mami immediately hit it off with Kalim. She doesn’t have to watch her words and genuinely enjoy his company whenever she visit Scarabia for hers and Homura’s research time. Although he tends to go over the top (trying to ply the girls with sweets, snacks, drinks, comfy pillows and etc), Mami is aware that he genuinely wants her to feel welcome at his dorm.

In the rare occasion that Homura has to leave Mami and Kalim for a brief moment, Mami would curiously ask the Dorm Leader how Homura is faring in Scarabia. To which Kalim would not hesitant divulging about Homura’s well-being.

Kalim’s answers astound Mami. Mami honestly didn’t expect anyone could become close enough with Homura to melt her icy exterior! Kalim must be special to her, Mami guessed. Throughout her brief stay at Scarabia, she studied how the two of them interact. It amaze her that Kalim could eeked out a small smile from the aloof girl. So when Kalim saw her off and Homura went to help her Vice Dorm Leader in the storeroom, Mami quietly apologise for asking Kalim to take on her request, but won’t he please keep an eye on Homura and continue to be her friend? She explains that the girls struggle to connect with Homura; no matter how hard they tried. Kalim happily accept Mami’s request and tells her not to worry. Homura is a dear friend to everyone here in Scarabia.

As for Kalim, the only thing he initally know about Mami is that she’s super strong (courtsey from Homura), super pretty and that the Pomefiore dorm claimed her as their princess in all but blood. So already he thinks her as an awesome girl. After getting to know her a little more, Kalim feels that Mami has the same vibe as Jamil. She’s very hard working, resposible and look out for her friends - so he couldn’t help but make the comparison.

Jamil and Mami merely regard each other as acquaintances. Among the girls that visited Homura, Mami is the easiest to attend to. She’s happy enough with a simple cup of tea and a slice of cake as she studied with Homura. Her manners are also impaccable so Jamil usually leave the girls to themselves without any worries while he runs the dorm. As an individual, Jamil can respect Mami as the leader of the girls. She seem as someone who has her life together despite being transported to TW.

Mami sees so many similarities Jamil has with Homura that it’s uncanny. Both have trouble smiling, both are dedicated to someone who is the exact opposite of them and both are... secretive. They kept their emotions hidden from the world that it’s hard to understand what they’re thinking. Mami wonder between him and Jade, which of them is the most dangerous and decide that she hopes she would never have to find out.

IGNIHYDE!

Mami has heard that Kyouko would babysit her Dorm Leader’s nephew from time to time and she just so happend to caught her following a small lion cub and an also a small... robot boy?

“Oh, Mami. What’s up?”

“Waaaa~ What a pretty lady. Here! a pretty flower for a pretty lady!”

Mami beams, deeply touched, when the small lion cub thrust a crudely picked flower to Mami. Dirt clung on his hand and flower, but Mami happily accept it.

“Thank you, little one. I’ll keep it safe with me.” She thanked the boy and pressed the flower inside one of the textbook Mami is carrying.

That was when the lion cub introduces himself as Cheka and that Leona is his beloved uncle!

The robot boy then introdues himself as Ortho Shroud. He asked if Mami would like to play with them to which she unhesitatingly accept. She was supposed to join a study session, but the two boys are just so adorable that she couldn’t possible reject! So Mami brought them to the gardens of Pomefiore when Cheka mentioned that he wants to pick a bunch of flowers for his uncle, papa and mama. The boys immediately dash off for the many flowers Pomefiore offers while Mami and Kyouko sat near the well. As they talked, Mami notice that Kyouko is actually attentive to the kids whereabous; her eyes would glance over at the patch of flowers and Mami could sense her magic wraps protectively around Cheka and Ortho. Mami didn’t need to ask to know that they remind Kyouko of her lost little sister. She will spare her from the pain.

Ortho then ran up to them, asking for some blue flowers that he wanted to give to his older brothers. He flash a couple of holograms of the types of flowers he’s looking for. Since the flowers that he wanted are at the gardens on the otherside of the dorm, Mami offer to bring him there while Kyouko entertained Cheka with making some flower crowns for Jack and Ruggie.

Mami help Ortho gather a bunch of cornflowers, irises, periwinkles, gentians until the two have a huge bouquet. She uses her yellow ribbon to tied the flowers beautifully. The two of them cheer at their hard work.

Mami adores Ortho and Cheka. She loves listening to Ortho talk and praise endllessly about his cool, awesome older brother and how friendly the Ignihyde students to him.

(Now that Ortho mentioned it, Mami couldn’t recall when the last time she spot a student wearing a blue coloured school uniform.)

Ortho’s magic also react strangly with hers. Nothing malicious; it just feel like a film of oil above a clear pool of water.

Later that day, when Ortho burst into Idia’s bedroom to present the bouquet of flowers to him, he would regale his day to the Dorm Leader. The flowers look a bit out place amongst his gadgets, mini workshop, gaming consoles and many monitors, but the brothers managed to quickly create a mechanical vase and Idia put the flowers beside his bed. When he was untangling Mami’s ribbon, Ortho suddenly recalled her words. He told Idia that it’s a magic ribbon - one that can shrink and lengthen its size according to Idia’s wishes - and that he can use it to bind things and that almost nothing can cut it.

You can bet that Idia would have a lot of fun testing it out, trying to unravel the principals behind Mami’s magic.

Among all the girls, he and Idia would only meet face to face when the situation calls for it. While the other girls would stumble upon him or Ortho push them to visit Ignihyde, these two would need an event (Ghost Marriage and etc) to meet up. It’s nothing insidous, just one of those things that happen.

Although she had never met Ignihyde’s Dorm Leader face to face, judging how much Ortho talks to her about him, Mami readily believes that he’s kind to his little brother and a brilliant introvert. It’s alright; Mami trust that one day she would meet him.

As for Idia, he knows he’s going to faint once he meets Mami. It was bad enough having to deal with the fact that Homura and Kyouko would sometimes drop by his dorm for a visit, to have the most beautiful girl in NRC physically in front of him? Idia’s certain that Vil would try to murder him if he so as much breath incorrectly around Mami. No, he doesn’t need the stress, thanks!

DIASOMNIA!

How Mami was introduced to the Diasomnia gang is actually through Malleus, of all people.

Mami was requested by Vil to find Rook when the Vice Dorm Leader refused to answered his phone or reply his texts. This displeased him (and Mami saw the worry behind his cold eyes) since Rook is not known to ignore Vil’s calls. Since Mami had no plans for the day, she accepts and went out to search for the hunter.

She had gifted the hunter her ribbon during their recent shooting practise and Rook made a grand show of tying it around his bow. So she only need to follow the trail from her magic ribbon. Sensing that Rook is somewhere deep in the forest, she waste no time fetching him. The longer they keep Vil waiting, the angrier he gets.

The forest is quiet, safe for the chirpings birds and rustling leaves when the breeze pass through.

However, when she sense that Rook is close by, she also sense a really powerful magic. The sheer power of it reminds Mami of Madoka’s. Yet unlike Madoka’s, it’s dark and a beneath it’s calm surface there’s a maelstrom ready to be unleash should the user so wishes. This had Mami immediately summoning her muskets out of caution when she finally come across the owner of such magic.

Her eyes widen and her muskets are lowered slightly. She knows this senior. She often seen him around Madoka after all.

“Oh? What interesting weapons. It’s been so long since someone dare to point their weapons at me.”

It’s Madoka’s Dorm Leader! Mami hastily puts away her muskets and apologise. She didn’t mean to attack him; she sensed something unfamiliar and dangerous and her Magical Girl training kicks in.

Malleus hums and ponders to himself. Usually people flinch away when they sense him, but it’s truly rare that someone would be brave enough to challenge him. And so he introduces himself because this human girl deserve it and it delight him that her heartbeat is calm and her words sincere when Mami introduces herself and said that it’s a pleasure to meet Madoka’s senior.

Strength comes in many form, Lilia once told him. And after observing Vil and those that under him, Malleus understood the strength behind all that are beautiful and glittered. And while Mami does share the same strength, she also possess something else. Something dark and terrible should she falters. Malleus wonders if her friends realised this. But apart from her magic, Mami is a good conversationalist and company during every tea time. Both of them prefer quiet and simple activities and Malleus appreciate that despite his dark magic, Mami continue to be a good friend. They don’t actively seek each other’s company, but whenever they crossed path, they would take the opportunity to catch up.

Mami look up to Malleus the same way she looks up to her seniors; polite, respectful and friendly. Mami had never really met someone who fits the ‘tall, dark and handsome’ trope but really, it fits Malleus so well. Although he’s not Trey, Mami finds his little musing and odd jokes to be charming. It’s clear that this senior is not that good at socialising so whenever they talk, Mami would do her best to make him feel comfortable.

Because of their friendship and Madoka as their connection, Malleus announce that he would like to invite Mami to their next midnight picnic. This intrigue Lilia, Silver and Sebek since Malleus had never invite someone before to their gathering! (That and Malleus smugly keep his friendship with Mami a secret up until now because a tiny part of him wanted to show off to his family that he can make friends all on his own).

(Someone please give Malleus a cookie for doing a good job at socialising).

Madoka is very excited to have Mami join them for their picnic. Everyone is very welcoming to Mami. Well, in their odd ways. Mami quickly pull the plate of scones away before Silver could face-planted on his food and promptly conked out and she readily cover her ears with her palms and smile widely when Sebek gets loud whenever he’s excited. Mami is always ready to roll with it and she’s enjoy every seconds she spend with her new friends.

Silver likes Mami well enough. He’d seen Kyouko and Sayaka fight before (spar with them even) and all the girls had mentioned more than once before how strong she is. It’s not every day that there’s a Pomefiore student with strong magical ability. And since she’s docile and Malleus treasure their talks, Silver doesn’t mind her quiet company.

For a human, Mami reminds Sebek of one of the noble’s ladies back at the Valley of Thorns, beautiful but you know she’s just as magically strong. He’s slightly envious at how compose and pragmatic at everything Mami does; be it in classes or fighting. He’s looking forward to see just why the other girls readily admits that Mami is the strongest out of them all.

Like Malleus, Mami finds Silver and Sebek to be delightful companies. Honestly, nowadays she’s very happy to have lots of wonderful friends. Really, what more could a lonely girl ask for?

To know that these two are knights and that Malleus is their prince and future king, it feels like Mami had stepped into a fairytale. When she admits it, Lilia suddenly thought of an idea. To help Malleus, Silver and Sebeke ease into their future roles, they should role play as his court during tea time! Always down to play dressed up, Mami let herself be swept away by him.

Now, Mami sees Lilia as a wise senior (he always have some word of advice or just know what to say to cheer Madoka up) but strangely, his mischeviousness and playful smiles makes it so easy for Mami to talk about anything with him. From the most mundane things like the new hairstyle that Rook taught her to her quietly admitting that sometimes it’s difficult for her to make decisions that could potentially harm her friends. She finds immense comfort at Lilia’s assurance and patience. So she treasures every advices that Lilia give her; yes, even if it ended up pranking her in the end.

As for Lilia, he couldn’t help but take Mami under his wings. This reserved girl who is force to carry the burden of leadership for someone so young. Her mastery over her own magic and impressive fighting prowess both impressed and saddened this ancient Fae. So Mami better get ready to not only being look after by him, but watch out for his pranks because Lilia whole heartedly believe that kids should be kids. Mami should not have to worry about being a good leader to her friends or worry over their well being all the time; she should just be a student and have fun!

I was rushing to edit this part, tbh. Wanted to post it on Monday originally, but I had plans with the family on Sunday for the whole day and since today (Wednesday) is a public holiday. I thought to try and make it this week.

#twisted wonderland #puella magi madoka magica #puella magi holy quintet #Holy Quintet in TW series #crossover

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leverage-ot3 · 4 years

Text

notable moments from The Reunion Job

leverage 3.02

Madavhi: All my work, erased, and I was only days away from cracking Manticore.

Nate: What's "Manticore"?

Madavhi: It's an electronic surveillance system. The Iranian government uses it to track protesters over cell phones, social networks, even e-mail.

Hardison: Yeah, hacker underground's flipping out about it. They use GPS to pinpoint a dissident, and then they swoop in and make the arrest.

Madavhi: The Internet made this protest possible, but now it's just a –

Nate: A liability? The government uses the people's weapon against them

- - - - -

Nate: "Cyrus"? It's "Mr. Madavhi." You can't get that attached.

Hardison: Fine. "Mr. Madavhi." He could go make a fortune working for Google or Microsoft. No, instead he risks his life fighting the bad guys. This is so our game.

Eliot (at the table behind them): He wasn't hit by the Vezarat. (comes around to sit with Hardison and Nate)

Nate: What, are you lurking?

Eliot: Yeah. I'm a lurker. It's my thing

- - - - -

eliot’s smile and raised eyebrows (x2) at hardison tho

+ he’s also wearing a red flannel with his leather jacket

- - - - -

Hardison: What's the Vezarat?

Eliot: That's the Iranian secret police. And trust me, if they wanted Cyrus, he wouldn't be sitting here talking to us.

Nate: But the Vezarat is still our logical target. So we should check our sources and see if there's a safe house in the area.

Hardison: So we're on this?

Nate: Yeah, well, we were always on this. I just wanted you to explain to me why. (gets up and heads for the Poker Room)

Hardison: You know how I feel about Mind games, Nate. Negatively. What are you looking at, lurker?

ELIOTS SMILE

- - - - -

Sophie: Eliot. Eliot, get rid of it. Ugh!

Eliot: (chuckling) I think he likes you.

Sophie (stands): You're gonna pay for this

eliot: mocks her

sophie: imma get back at you SO HARD and you’re never gonna see it coming

- - - - -

“That’s gonna cost ya” “I gotta dock ya”- hardison and eliot like a million times in this episode

- - - - -

Parker: At the East corner. (pushes vent out and enters the room) For a den of evil spies, this place smells delicious. Hardison, confiscate some pastries. (sits down at computer) Okay, no sign of Cyrus' hardware.

we love seeing parker in vents in her element + CONFISCATE PASTRIES FOR HER

- - - - -

Nate: Any of you ever trimmed a bonsai?

Eliot: Well, you know, I did. I was in Osaka, and I met this Japanese policewoman at a geisha bar....

- - - - -

Parker (to Sophie): Why is Eliot pouring your tea? Hmm? Did you brainwash him again?

Sophie: Mm, neurolinguistic programming. It's amazing what you can do with the power of suggestion. "Sugar." "Squeezed." a few strategic pats on the arm.

(Sophie pats Eliot on the arm and he pours her more tea, then realizes what Sophie has done)

Eliot: Damn it!

Sophie: You owe me for that roach business!

Eliot: Sophie, not again. (walks away)

okay but SHES DONE THIS TO HIM BEFORE LMFAO + a bonus parker and hardison laughing

also parker was eating a plate of pastries so that means thE BOYS GOT SOME FOR HER I LOVE IT

- - - - -

parker and hardison go into the office and be like 👀👀👀 wow he’s lonely

- - - - -

Eliot: Nobody else thinks it's weird that you can just buy anybody's yearbook online?

Hardison: You know, it's real cute, man, how you still believe in privacy

- - - - -

Nate: Here we go. Uh, Mrs. Zavransky, math teacher. Now, I bet if we turn to the cheerleaders... (turns page) Yes. Oh, Mandy. Mandy Babson.

Parker: What does the "DD" Mean?

Eliot: Yeah, right...

Nate: Seriously?

Hardison: Yeah, right. Two scoops of ice cream, just perfect.

she’s baby leave her alone

also bless hardison for not wanting to tarnish her

- - - - -

Parker: Aw, I feel bad for the nerd.

Eliot: Don't feel bad for this guy. Getting bullied in high school Is still no excuse for propping up dictators. He got bulled his whole high-school career. He's not criminal.

Sophie: Um...

Parker: Yeah, he is.

Sophie: Don't think about that.

Eliot: Not a bad criminal.

Hardison: Hey, what makes you think I got bullied in high school?

Eliot: Well, "A," You got a green hornet doll.

Hardison: Well, first of all, it's a limited-edition action figure. Second, it is green lantern. Educate yourself.

Eliot: Wow.

Hardison: Now pay attention. Get it right.

eliot “not a bad criminal” spencer knows that hardison is a good person with solid morals

also, eliot to some extent knows about hardison’s action figues which means that he has either seen them or hardison has told him specifically that he had them. this means that they have had, even if eliot seemed annoyed, some sort of conversations/hardison-talking-at-him-conversations and eliot LISTENED to a certain extend that he was able to recall this

- - - - -

Nate: Guys, wait, wait. Listen, listen. We got a locker combination, we have a teacher's name, and we have a crush. So, Duberman, he has made his old high school his Roman room.

Parker: Of course.

Nate: "Of course"? What's a Roman room? You have no idea, right? You know—

Parker: Nn.

Nate: You don't have any idea? It's a, it's a memory technique. Each of his passwords corresponds to an object in a space that he's intimately familiar with. In his case, the hallway of his old high school where he kept his locker. Now, if I were to make this bar my Roman room, everything I need to remember is right here. For instance, This, uh... My bank password would be "Balmoor." And my e- mail password would be Fitzy, here.

- - - - -

Parker: Hey. Nate just gave us his passwords.

Hardison: No, but I got all his passwords. You want to see his Netflix queue? He's got, like, every season of "Rockford files" every season of "Sex and the city," That show "Psych”.

chaotic children

- - - - -

Parker: You want to break into the high school? I could do that blindfolded. Yeah let's do it blindfolded.

HER HER HAVE FUN

- - - - -

Hardison: What do you know? Class of '85 has a reunion coming up in 8 months.

Nate: Hmm.

they all smile conspiratorially and eliot’s smile in specific gave me serotonin

- - - - -

(Parker sets up a video camera and walks past a board of photos)

Parker: So many awkward people in so many ugly outfits.

[Interior Van]

Hardison: Yeah, you're lucky you never went to high school. Nothing but heartbreak and homework.

[High School Gym]

Parker: Didn't you go to your prom?

[Interior Van]

Hardison: Uh...I was kind of busy.

[Flashback]

(a teenaged Hardison is sitting at a computer making a transfer from the Bank of Iceland)

Hardison: Looks like the Bank of Iceland's paying off Nana's medical bills. That's dope!

[Interior Van]

Hardison: Good times

- - - - -

Hardison: Besides, I'm sure you already had your high- school fun. Big man on campus. What, quarterback?

[Flashback]

Kid: Come on, Eliot. This is so lame. Quarterbacks do not take Home Ec.

Eliot: I got my reasons.

Kid: Phew! Let's get out of here.

Girl: Eliot, like this. (leans over Eliot, showing her cleavage) Knives are like people. It's all about the context.

[Exterior Dubertech]

Eliot: I had many interests

- - - - -

hardison getting too into the high school drama lmao

- - - - -

Hardison: Not exactly. (looking at information on monitors) She's a hired gun.

[Hallway]

Sophie: An assassin? Nikki’s an assassin?

[Interior Van]

Hardison: Yeah, I guess we weren't the only ones with the bright idea to pose as alumni. This chick's connected to wet work jobs All up and down the East coast. Russian mob, Italian mob. There's a New Zealand mob?

her name is miranda miles *squints at the file on hardison’s computer* bruh no way she’s only 25 ??? they even give her height and weight but I guess that’s how all wanted files go

also in one of the commentaries didn’t they say that she was married to that other assassin ???

- - - - -

(a piece of door falls in and the Vezarat leader looks in)

Vezarat Leader: The health inspector?

Eliot: I'm gonna have to dock you again

LMFAO

also he’s wearing a grey flannel under his jacket

- - - - -

(Eliot knees the leader in the face, then pulls him up and punches him in the head. He turns to duck a blow from the other man and hits him in the head with one of Duberman’s chess trophies)

Eliot: Checkmate.

(Eliot throws the trophy down on the man. Behind him the leader stands up and cracks his neck)

Eliot: Or not.

he did the lil flip thing with the trophy

- - - - -

(Sophie hits Nikki in the head with the extinguisher and takes off her shoes)

Sophie: I always hated cheerleaders.

(Nikki swings several times and Sophie blocks each blow with the extinguisher, hurting Nikki’s wrist)

Sophie: It's mean girls like you that always ruined high school for the rest of us!

Nikki: What the hell are you talking about?

(Nikki kicks but Sophie moves to one side. Nikki tries to punch but Sophie blocks with the extinguisher. Sophie dodges a kick and hits Nikki in the head, then pushes her down and runs away. Nikki grabs her gun and fires after Sophie, missing her)

Nikki: Damn it

- - - - -

Nikki: Now, why would I do that?

(Parker walks forward and tasers Nikki in the neck)

Nikki: Ohh!

Nate: That's why.

(Nikki falls to the ground, convulsing. Parker grabs her legs and starts to pull her away)

Parker: Catering, what a business

we love to see parker tasering people

- - - - -

on today’s edition of things that aren’t weapons that eliot uses as weapons, our guy literally used one of the goons’ bodies to hit another goon and send them both down

what a king

- - - - -

Mandy: Your votes are in for the king and queen of the reunion! And the lucky winner is, Grace Peltz and Drake McIntyre!

Schmitty: Mac attack! Yeah!

(the crowd escorts Nate and Sophie forward)

Nate: Uh, very funny, Hardison.

Hardison: Oh, you think I did this? Naw, man, I don't rig elections. I mean, I could, but...

Sophie: Parker, Was this you?

Parker: (hanging upside down) I didn't even know they had kings and queens in high school

- - - - -

Hardison (looks up): May I have this dance, miss?

(Parker lowers herself on her line and they begin dancing)

Parker: So this is what high school was like, huh?

Hardison: Ah...Pretty much.

Eliot: Hello?

[Exterior Dubertech]

(Eliot walks out of the building as Sloane gets to his feet)

Eliot: Everybody having a good time at the dance? Anybody wonder if Eliot made it out?

(Eliot punches Sloan, who falls back into the bushes)

Eliot: Does anybody wonder if Eliot's alive? Hello?!

[High School Gym]

(the two couples continue to dance as the music plays)

🥰 parker’s feet not touching the floor 🥰

also aww poor eliot someone care about him pls

#leverage #leverage 3.02 #leverage 3x02 #the reunion job #leverage season 3 #season 3 #notable moments #mine

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bratkook · 5 years

Text

clairvoyant. (m) part five.

masterlist.

word count: 6.4k

author’s note: wow i finally dug out my drafts and wrote another chapter for this even though its been two fucking years!!! im honestly writing this for myself because im bored and in a rut so if you read it tysm. also finally decided who it’ll be centered around so enjoy.

warnings: just good ole fashioned dry humping and kissing

Everyone around you was saying their goodbyes, thanking everyone for working so hard and you took that as your cue to start gathering the equipment up.

“Thanks Y/N, just take that to the storage room.” The photographer you and Yoongi were currently assisting pointed out to the far right. You nodded in understanding before unhooking all of the lights and tearing them down properly. A few people lingered behind, makeup artists gathering their supplies, wardrobe crew grabbing a few more snacks off the catering table, and Yoongi rolling up the white backdrop.

It was your first day on the job and it just so happened to land on a shoot day so you were trying your best to make a good first impression so they wouldn't fire you before you even really started.

So far everyone had been very welcoming and kind, no one yelling at you if you messed up a little so that got rid of your jitters. It felt nice to be able to work where you knew you could network and learn, the only photography experience you had at your old job was taking shitty pictures of the drunken idiots lying around near closing.

“So how’d you like your first assisting job?”

You looked to the left and saw Yoongi standing at the door frame of the storage room, a smile on his face and his hands holding the folded backdrop.

“It was great, seems like kind of a tease though because tomorrow we’ll be doing basic retouching on photos.”

He just shrugged after setting what he was holding down, “True, we get quite a few of these shoots though so make a good impression and someone might take you under their wing.”

You sighed as you locked the lights securely into place. Being taken under someone's wing before you finished school would be a blessing because it almost guaranteed a decent job after school was over and you were tossed into the great unknown of an art degree holding college graduate.

“Thats what I’m hoping for.”

The both of you rechecked everything was in its place and secure before turning the light off and locking up the storage room. Due to the fact the shoot day extended longer than a typical shift you were being paid overtime and let off once everything wrapped so you and Yoongi were headed to the nearest restaurant to get actual food in your system.

Your scarf was wrapped around your neck snuggly to protect from the cold wind and Yoongi draped his arm around your shoulder as you both casually walked. In this split moment you felt content, a slight feeling of everything starting to fall into place and you let yourself bask in it.

“What's got you all smiley?”

Yoongi looked at you with a small grin, his eyes focusing on your wide smile before shifting back up to your own eyes.

You just shrugged before playfully tugging his black beanie down over his eyes, earning a grunt of annoyance as he shoved it back up. “I’m just happy.”

“Are you usually not?”

There was a beat of silence as you thought it through.

“It’s not that I’m not, I’m usually just...living through it?”

He nodded in understanding, “I get you. Kind of just going through routine motions without really feeling much.”

A white cloud left your mouth in a huff as you sighed in agreement, “Exactly, don’t get me wrong there’s little tidbits of happiness scattered throughout but they’re just moments of happiness that pass as quickly as they happen. It’s been a while since I’ve felt happiness for the future and its exciting.”

You looked back over at him, seeing him nod because he fully understood. He was on the same boat as you, his parents much like yours weren’t supportive of his choice to pursue an art degree so you guys were scraping by and holding on to any thread of hope that popped up. The pair of you were just hoping everything would work out.

“Anyways, enough with the semi depressive reality check. I’m hungry and there’s this new korean barbecue place that opened up a few blocks away. Wanna text everyone and meet up for a nice family dinner.” He chuckled at the end of that, and you joined in light heartedly before whipping your phone out and sending out a group text simply saying “Korean bbq, don't be a bitch and meet here in fifteen.”

Low and behold, your group of friends were indeed not bitches, they all showed up as punctual as you would expect of them and they even brought along a straggler. This straggler went by the name of Jeon Jungkook and you couldn’t help but look at him with a smile, just seeing him trail behind Taehyung with his head slightly dipped almost like he was unsure if him being there was okay. Taehyung on the other hand paid him no mind and just waltzed in, his denim clad arms outstretched and a boxy smile on display as he approached the table you all sat around.

Him and Jungkook were the last to arrive so Tae decided to slip into the seat beside you, but not before slotting his lips against yours in a chaste kiss that seemed too casual. Like usual no one said anything and you just rolled your eyes with a smile and shoved his shoulder before redirecting your attention to Yoongi who was the master meat cooker.

Jungkook saw the small exchange and his want for coaching, as you so put it, was back. He wanted that, whatever the fuck that was that you and Tae had. Fuck, did that make him a typical fuckboy? Did this go against his morals of being a gentleman?

You had reassured him that it was fine as long as he was straightforward with whoever it involved and he had already set his eyes on someone. Now it was just a waiting game on if Jisoo the cute barista would be for it or not.

“Jungkook sit down!”

The resemblance to a deer caught in headlights was uncanny as he stared at you, realizing he had just been standing behind the only available chair as everyone stared back at him with their own food set up in front of them already.

“Oh, sorry.” His hands came up and ruffled his own hair in embarrassment before he sat down, “Just a little distracted”

Taehyung slid over an empty plate and pointed his chopsticks at him, “He’s been like this for a couple of days, what’s your deal?”

Everyone’s attention was back on Jungkook, including your own. His cheeks reddened slightly from all the eyes on him so he took it upon himself to just scoop up some rice to occupy himself. What was he supposed to say? Yeah sorry I got a lot on my mind like finding out Taehyung and Y/N fuck on the regular but aren’t dating and Y/N is gonna teach me how to do that with the cute barista everyone sees at the campus coffee shop?

“Just a school project.”

“A very hands on school project right Jungkook?” You couldn’t help but tease him, knowing exactly what’s been on his mind since you’ve been texting each other to come up with some kind of game plan on approaching Jisoo.

His eyes flicked over to you for a split second, only giving you a nod before nervously chewing on his lip. You couldn’t understand him, you really couldn’t. How could a man who looked like him be this shy when it comes to literally anyone? He could probably crush someone with his thighs for crying out loud, but here he sat with an aura surrounding him that just showed how unsure he was with himself.

He was a sweet kid, super respectful as far as you could tell, he just needed to learn that wanting to fuck someone while not wanting a relationship was completely normal. Sex was human nature and you were determined to get him to enjoy it as long as he was consenting to your help.

You kept your eyes on him, seeing him reach his plate over to get the meat Yoongi was offering him and mumbling out a thanks before turning his attention to Jin who was on his left and starting a conversation.

A small jab to your cheek via a chopstick snapped you out of your curious gaze, your fingers coming up to rub at the skin and looking to your right where Jimin was sat. “You into him?”

He had mumbled it out to you so quietly you almost didn’t hear him, a couple seconds passed before it clicked and you shook your head, “No, why?”

“You’ve been staring at him like he’s your next victim.”

You rolled your eyes at him and smiled before picking up some kimchi and shoving it into his mouth with no resistance from his part as he happily munched on it. “I don’t have victims Park Jimin.” The way his eyes slightly narrowed at you made it clear he was questioning why you were staring at him as intently as you have been, “I was just looking at him because he’s interesting don’t you think?”

Jimin shook his head because he had no idea what you even meant by that, “Interesting? He’s not a caged animal for you to observe you weirdo.” He was just teasing you, giving you a smile when he heard you laugh.

“That’s not what I mean, forget it. How was your mom’s brunch?”

At the mention of that his expression went blank and he poured himself a glass of soju and took a nice swig of it, “As amazing as you would expect.”

Jimin’s parents always went all out for these brunches, renting out the biggest places and inviting the A class elites of Seoul who would donate to whatever charity they were advocating for. They hassled Jimin every single time to network and find a girl they deemed worthy enough of him marrying and he absolutely hated it. He was the literal definition of a rebellious son, getting a kick every time he would get under their skin. Whether that was by going out on a date with someone they thought suited him and getting absolutely trashed and scaring said girl away, to getting his body tattooed and pierced against their wishes.

Jimin knew how to play his cards right, he knew his parents would never fully cut him off as long as he was somewhat compliant with a few things here and there but he wasn’t going to be molded into whatever they wanted him to be. He was their only child so in his mind who else could they possibly hand off their money to?

“I told my mom you were my date for the thanksgiving event.”

You hummed as you chewed on your food, already knowing this probably didn’t end well. “How did she take that?”

His smirk just proved your suspicion, “Super well actually. Especially when I told her I think you’re the one and I’m thinking about proposing to you.”

What?!

You choked on your food, coughing like a mad man and pounding at your chest with a closed fist. Taehyung who was sat on your left immediately handed you a glass of water and patted your back to help you out. All the while Jimin continued to stare at you with that shit eating grin on his face, pressing the edge of his glass against his lips as he waited for you to speak again.

“Jimin what the fuck I never agreed to that.”

Taehyung was now intrigued by whatever conversation you two were having so he decided to eavesdrop while pretending to eat his food.

“Relax Y/N, obviously I’m not doing that. It was a small joke.”

“It’s not a joke if your parents don’t think it is!”

He pursed his lips at you, “Damn is marrying me really that repulsive?”

Taehyung laughed to himself at that, gaining Jungkook's attention who was now looking at the exchange between you and Jimin.

“No, shut up! That’s not what I’m saying Jimin. I’m just supposed to go to scare off all the girls that wanna latch onto you, I’m not there to piss your parents off, they probably hate me enough knowing you help me whenever you can.”

Taehyung decided to stop listening at that moment, striking up a conversation with Hoseok instead. He knew how sensitive you were when it came to talking about receiving help and admitting to needing it so he knew this wasn’t his business. Jungkook on the other hand didn’t have a clue so as he stared down at his rice his ears stayed hooked on the conversation.

Jimin pressed a reassuring hand on your shoulder, “Y/N, I promise I was joking. I didn't tell my parents that, I wouldn’t put you in that position. They don’t hate you by the way.”

That was a little hard to believe, Jimin was a very giving person, especially when it came to his friends. The rest of your friends were a little more financially stable than you were so the amount of times he would take it upon himself to help you, because you had too much pride to really ask for help, surely it stood out to his parents.

“What I choose to do with my money is my business okay, my parents don't even notice where it goes half the time.”

You pushed the meat on your plate around with your chopsticks, your mood dropping down just a bit once you really remembered how much help Jimin gave you. You owed him a lot, and even though he says it's fine it doesn't make you feel any better about it.

“Hey,” Jimin slowly spoke, slouching down and looking up at you from your downcast gaze on the table, “Y/N.”

When you only pursed your lips at the sound of your name he sat back up and slung his arm around your shoulder, pulling you into his side and wrapping both arms around you. He had his chin resting on your head, seeing the rest of the guys now looking your way. Yoongi mouthing out what the fuck did you do while Jimin responded nothing mind your business.

“If I ever go overboard for whatever reason let me know and I’ll back off but if I can help you then I will and have no problems doing so okay?” He had mumbled all that next to your ear to not draw attention from everyone else.

With a deep sigh, you mumbled out an okay and tried your best to go back to the dinner you and your friends were having. Jungkook had heard the entire exchange and he wanted to say something to make you feel slightly better but there was no way he could do that without feeling like he crossed a line by eavesdropping in your conversation.

After a few moments the dinner had gone back to normal, all of you goofing around like you usually do, the guys including Jungkook in and making him feel like part of the group. When the time came to leave you felt your phone vibrate in your pocket so you slid it out to peek at the notification, momentarily confused when you saw Jungkook's name flashing on your screen when he was sat right across from you.

Regardless, you opened the thread of messages up and grinned when you read what he wrote.

Jungkook 8:45pm

Need help, Jisoo responded.

Jungkook 8:45pm

Can we go to your dorm?

Jungkook 8:45pm

Don’t want Tae to hear…

Right on cue, Taehyung slung his arm around your shoulders, not noticing how you locked your phone and slid it back into your pocket. All of you were now shuffling out of the restaurant, you and Taehyung in the middle of the swarm of your group that was now being reckless on the walk back to the dorms.

“Wanna go back to mine? I can try to get rid of Jungkook.” He whispered in your ear, kissing the side of your head swiftly as he waited for your response.

You slid your arm around his waist as you nuzzled further into his side when the wind picked up, “Can’t, Jungkook and I actually have some planning to do for his project tonight.”

At the mention of his name you could see Jungkook's back tense up from behind and you already knew he was listening in to your exchange while pretending to be invested in the ruckus Jimin was currently doing.

“Oh, planning? Is that code for fucking?” Your cheeks warmed up at his words, your palm instinctively smacking his side, “Cause, to be honest I don’t know how I would feel about you and my roommate banging.”

“Oh don’t be like that, sharing is caring right?” You teased, enjoying the suggestive look that took over his face, “But no, no fucking. I mean it when I say we’re planning for a project.”

He sighed and said alright before dropping the conversation altogether. The walk back to campus took a few minutes, your group huddled by the statue on the front corner of the campus as you said your goodbyes and dispersed. Jimin hopped into an Uber before heading to his apartment, Jin took off in his car to his own place while Namjoon, Hoseok, Yoongi and Taehyung hooked arms and stupidly walked across the quad towards the boys dorms.

You looked over at Jungkook, seeing him smile at the guys’ antics, his eyes moving back to you and seeing your hands motion for him to follow you to the girl’s dorms.

“Hey Y/N, who's this?” Joy asked with a smile from behind the front desk, hands already sliding over the notepad used for off campus guests.

“Oh, Jungkook. I’m a student here.” He slid out his wallet and handed her his student ID.

She hummed as she filled out his info in a separate notepad before handing it back with a smile. “Okay, well Jihyo’s doing her rounds for guests at 11:40 so if you’re planning on spending the night I’d recommend hiding around that time.”

Jungkooks face started to turn a light shade of red at the implication of him spending the night and now he was wondering how many times Taehyungs had to hide in your dorm on the nights he never came home and it also clicked when you’d make a swift exit out of his and Taehyungs shared room for a few moments when Namjoon made his rounds before sneaking back in when you thought no one would notice.

“Thanks Joy!” You winked at her, hooking your arm around Jungkooks and dragging him away while she fluttered her fingers in a goodbye wave.

When you entered the elevator you felt Jungkook finally exhale, “Wow, she’s pretty.” Was the first thing he said.

You could only laugh in response, “Oh, I know. All the girls here are Jungkook, and I’m pretty sure they’d all let you smash if you knew how to ask them.”

And now his blushed cheeks were spreading to his ears as well, he could see it in the warped reflection the elevator doors were giving him. Could he really just ask them? He felt like that would be the quickest way to get slapped to next week.

The elevator dinged and the doors slid open, you took the lead and walked out, turning left as your hands slid out the keycard that was in the small pocket in your bag. As you entered your room you noticed Wendy was gone, her side completely spotless as normal and a cute post it note resting on your desk.

Went out for dick and by dick I mean getting absolutely hammered and crying into my street tacos, won't be back until tomorrow so feel free to get your own dick down here all night xo

Jungkook read the note as well, quickly acting like he didn’t when he heard you giggling to yourself as you set your stuff down. His eyes roamed the room, seeing the cute touches you and your roommate have added, one of which was a giant polaroid wall on your side with plenty of photos of you and your friends.

“Okay,” you clapped your hands together as you walked in front of Jungkook and set your hands on his shoulders to force him to sit on your bed, “what’s going on with Jisoo?”

He slid his phone out silently, opening up their thread of messages and handing the device over to you. You grabbed it from him and flicked up to the top of the thread.

Jungkook 3:12pm

Hey, its Jungkook. Thanks for the free coffee

Jungkook 3:12pm

And your number.

Jisoo 4:30pm

Hi! Sorry I just got off work but you’re welcome anything for my favorite customer.

You continued to scroll, seeing Jungkook and Jisoo making nice, innocent conversation with each other. Jisoo kept implying wanting to see Jungkook outside of the regular visits to the cafe while Jungkook was either very oblivious or just didn’t know how to ask her out.

“Okay, she wants you to ask her out Jungkook. Why haven’t you?” You hand his phone back to him, seeing him fidgeting with his fingers at your question.

“I don’t know. I don’t even know how to properly ask her. What's a good date suggestion?” You slipped your shoes off and shuffled up on your bed beside him, choosing to get comfy.

“If you want something short and sweet, I suggest going out to lunch somewhere near campus. You guys can talk and get to know each other and you can get a feel for this before you decide if you like her enough to pursue something or if you’d be down for something casual with her.”

He sighs at that, laying back against your bed and using one of your throw pillows to cushion his head from hitting the wall. “Okay, and if I decide I want something casual how do I bring it up? And if she’s for it and tries to get physical how do I go about it?”

“Well for one, you’re not gonna bring it up on the first date. That kinda stuff shouldn’t be discussed on a first date, not unless theres an obvious connection. I do have to advise you though, if you just want something casual you can’t treat her like you want something more.”

His thick eyebrows furrow at this, “Wait, what do you mean?”

“I mean, if after this one date you decide you just wanna sleep with her or make it a friends with benefits kinda thing you can’t take her on dates or act like a boyfriend. Odds are she’s gonna be the one to ask you what you’re looking for and its very important for you to be honest. Thats how you avoid hurting someone.”

You’re gently patting his head at this, feeling him nod along to your words, “Also, in terms of how to act if she decides to get physical then you kinda act on instinct. I know you’ve only slept with one person before but what about kissing?”

He shakes his head at this, “Not much experience there either. I told you Y/N, I feel completely clueless and I know I shouldn’t care but I don’t wanna be dubbed as the guy that sucks at everything.”

A giggle leaves you at his statement, “Jungkook that’s not gonna happen. Kissing is like second nature.”

He slides the pillow out from behind him and covers his face to let out a groan into it, “Easy for you to say, you don’t understand how many times I have to listen to Taehyung brag about how great you are.”

“At kissing?”

“Yeah, and other things.” He trails off.

All you can do is sit there and think over his words, part of you wants to suggest he go to a party with Taehyung and make out with random girls before he asks Jisoo out if he’s so worried about being bad at kissing of all things but you know he wont be up for it. Another part of you wants to suggest helping him learn, one on one, but you’re also not sure how he’d take that. Even though kissing was entirely innocent in your eyes you really don’t want to make Jungkook uncomfortable.

“Look,” you start off, sliding the pillow off his face, “I can show you, if you want.”

The fingers that were strumming on his stomach freeze at your suggestion and you immediately think you fucked up. Until his head tilts to look at you, his eyes wide in curiosity, “Really?”

He sits back up to fully look at you, “Yeah, if you want to Jungkook.”

You don’t expect him to nod as quickly as he does but considering he’s eager to learn it shouldn’t come as too much of a surprise. “Please, as long as it’s not awkward for you.”

You shrug and say its not because it really isn’t, Jungkooks hot and kissing is your favorite pastime so you really dont mind. Plus considering you’re the one who suggested coaching him you kind of felt a tinge of responsibility to not let him go off with zero confidence with something as simple as kissing.

He could only sit there and you know he doesn’t know how to initiate it because of the position you’re in so you stand up and go to stand right in front of him. With the height of your bed and his height when you stand right in front of his sitting frame you’re only slightly taller than him.

“Okay, lets start slow yeah?” He nods, his tongue running across his lips in anticipation. You nudge his thighs apart so you can slot between them more comfortably and gently rest your palms on his jaw, getting closer to him.

“You can touch me, whatever feels natural okay?” He can only nod again, maintaining eye contact for a moment before looking down at your lips and seeing the smile on them. His eyes flutter closed when you finally press your lips together, his lips feel soft against yours and it only lasts a moment before you’re pulling away and his lips try to chase you back.

“How was that?” He immediately asks, not noticing that his hands had found their way onto your hips.

“Good, not too stiff. We’re gonna move on now, just try to follow what I’m doing.”

Your thumb traces his bottom lip before your hands go back to cupping his jaw gently. This time he closes the distance between you two, his lips slotting between yours easily with a little more pressure than last time.

You test the waters, letting him get used to the actions of open mouth kissing, feelings his lips relax after a while. He lets out a small gasp of surprise once he feels the tip of your tongue lick the seam of his lips. The grip he has on your hips tighten and you give him a few more seconds to adjust before you take it further.

One of the hands you have on his jaw slides down to grasp the hand on your hip and you drag it up so he could cup the back of your head. Your fingers dont leave his hand until he has a decent grip on your hair.

His mouth opens up a little wider, letting you slide your tongue inside and his eyes slip open for a second at the new feeling. Its wet, and a little ticklish but the sound of your lips smacking together and the small groans of pleasure you both slip out are making a small fire light up inside him.

The hand gripping your hair tightens up and he tugs gently, kissing you harder when he hears the small moan that leaves your mouth. Its pure instinct that has you swinging your legs over his thighs and straddling him on your bed, not noticing just how comfortable you’ve gotten until you find yourself grinding down onto him and thats when you stop.

You pull back, a small string of spit pulling apart between your lips and he doesn’t seem to even notice your new position. His eyes are half lidded and his breathing is harsh and the way his tongue comes out to catch the spit on his lips makes you want to dive back in but you snapped out of it.

“See, second nature right?”

He finally seems to realize you’re on his lap when he looks down and sees how flush you are to him, “Yeah, want more practice though.” He doesn't give you time to respond before he’s using the hand still in your hair to pull you towards him again and this time he’s leading the kiss.

He tilts his head and licks his way into your mouth, groaning when your tongues tangle together. He never realized how messy kissing could be but he thought it was hot. You can tell he wants to speed up but you keep your movements slow, knowing that the buildup is the best part, the feeling of your tongues playing tag or your tongue tickling the roof of his mouth before you pull back slightly to suck on his bottom lip. Those moments were always your favorite when it came to making out.

Jungkook starts to grow more comfortable, both his hands now coming to grip the back of your head and the other sliding up right beneath your jaw as the kiss grows deeper. And that's when your hips start grinding down again, this time Jungkook notices it right away and he pulls back to let out a moan.

“Sorry, is that too much?” Your lips are shiny and he can’t look away from them, “I know we said kissing but I didn’t really ask about this.”

His hands fall limp and just as you’re about to hop off they come back to life to rest on your hips, using them to slide you back across his lap, “No, I like it. Its uh, for the experience right?”

You nod at this, not giving it much thought because you just want to go back to kissing him. The logical side of you wanted to stop because you’re just supposed to be showing him the ropes on kissing on a first date and odds are Jisso’s not gonna hop on his lap in the middle of lunch in public and do this but the other side of you wants to see him fall apart underneath you and that part of you is winning.

“Tell me if you want me to stop.” You let his hands control the motion of your hips while you go back to kissing him. The flavor of the chapstick he had on is all you can taste as the kiss grows more heated. Your hands wrap around his shoulders as you pull yourself even closer to him, speeding up the rocking of your hips and feeling Jungkook choose to place his palms on your back, wanting you just as close.

The shudder of his breath fans across your face when he pulls back to let out another groan but you don’t want to pull your lips away so you trail them down his jaw until you reach the spot just under it when his jaw meets his neck.

When he feels your tongue on his skin along with the gentle sucking he can’t help but rock his hips up into yours, “Oh fuck.” He keens, applying more pressure with his hands to encourage you to grind on him faster.

“Feel good Jungkook?” You ask, nibbling on his skin softly before trailing your way back up to his lips, not slowing down the motions of your hips.

“Yeah,” he gasps, his eyes are blown out and he knows hes about to cum in his pants like a teenager but he doesn’t care. “So good.”

“Good.” Is all you respond, your lips coming together again to resume the motion that seems familiar now.

Jungkooks moans of pleasure are becoming more frequent and the feeling of him blowing his load right underneath you is making you embarrassingly wet, but right now its all about Jungkook. You can deal with your problem later.

“Dont stop, please.” He breathes out between kisses, his eyebrows coming together when he feels his climax approaching.

“You gonna cum?” You ask him, keeping your face close enough to his where you can feel his breath tickle your cheek at the proximity.

“Fuck, yeah.”

You speed up your hips, grinding down a little harder and grabbing one of his hands again to grab your boob this time. He gives them an experimental squeeze, moaning again at the feeling of them.

“C’mon Jungkook, you can cum.” His eyes are open now, looking directly at you and when he sees the fascination in your eyes at watching him fall apart he loses it, letting out a small wine as his body tenses up, his hips coming up to rut against yours as he rides out his orgasm.

He drops his head forward to rest on your chest as you continue to grind against him to milk out the feeling, his body shuddering at every roll of your hips until he’s whimpering at the overstimulation.

You still your hips and let him bask in the feeling, his back rising and falling as he tries to catch his breath.

“Jesus christ.” Jungkook pulls back from you, a dopey smile on his face that can be attributed to post orgasm bliss. “Does kissing always lead to that?”

“No, not always, but its fun when it does.” You smile back at him. His body is definitely loosened up now and just as you’re about to speak again a hard knock comes from your door.

“Fuck, thats Jihyo making rounds.” Your arms are still around him but you know you need to answer the door before she uses her master key to unlock it for you.

Jungkook groans quietly when you get off of him, any movement on his sensitive dick being too much for him to handle right now. He’s happy he chose to wear black pants and a shirt that will definitely cover the wet spot of cum because when you stand up off of him it is glaringly obvious what it is.

The room door clicks as you slide it open and he sees you greet Jihyo with a smile, “Hey Y/N, he’s gotta be outta here in 5 minutes.”

Jungkook can only awkwardly sit on your bed as the exchange goes down, “Yeah, no problem. We were just working on a project.” He sees Jihyo look you up and down, noticing your swollen lips and disheveled hair before she looks at Jungkook who stupidly covers his lap with the pillow beside him.

“Right. I’ll be back in a few to make sure he’s gone.” You nod before stepping back and shutting the door behind you.

“Sorry about that, I forgot what time it was. Do you want me to walk you to your dorm?”

Jungkook stands up from his position, shaking his head at your offer. “No it’s fine. I really should get going now anyways, that essay for creative writing is due tomorrow and I need to finish editing it.”

“Oh shit, you’re right.” Your hands comes up to your face, your teeth going to chew on your fingernail as you think of having to edit the monstrosity of the essay you wrote while you were delirious with sleep.

“Uh thanks for–“

“For giving you the best orgasm of your life? Yeah, no problem.” You wink at him, enjoying the flustered look that immediately takes over his face.

He lets out a chuckle, happy that you’re not making this awkward, “Really though. Thank you.”

You can only shrug, “You should really text Jisoo though, she’s not gonna reject you and if you kiss her like that she’s definitely not gonna turn down any offer you give her.”

Jungkook doesn’t fully believe you but he knows he has to bite the bullet and do it. He gives you a hug and says goodnight before he shuffles out of your dorm and into the elevator.

Now that he’s in a brightly lit place he once again looks at the warped reflection in the elevator doors, using it to fix his hair the best way he can and adjust his shirt and jacket to cover the wet spot on his crotch before he exits it.

Joy spots him as hes about to leave and lets out a whistle, “Y/N take you for a wild ride huh?” She teases him and he blanks, not really knowing how to respond until the automatic excuse comes out, “We were working on a project.”

“Mhm, some project. Bye Jungkook.” She waves him off with a giggle, enjoying how flustered he gets.

Jungkook all but runs across the quad, wanting to get out of the cold as well as into his room to slide out of his sticky ass underwear and pants. He uses his key card to open the dorm buildings doors, waving at Baekhyun before hopping on the elevator and making his way up to his floor.

When he slides into his room he really wasn’t expecting to see Taehyung still awake, resting on his bed against the wall where the giant canvas of his ass was hung up.

“Oh, hello.” Taehyung spoke up first, his eyes raking over Jungkook entirely. “How was the progress on your project?”

He knew Taehyung was asking an innocent question but Jungkook couldn’t help the pang of guilt he felt at it. He knew you and Taehyung weren’t together but he still felt like he was crossing a line by letting you give him an orgasm without his roommate knowing. Especially since Taehyung always boasted about the amazing orgasms you gave him, it almost felt like those were reserved for Tae only and he had just snatched one off the shelf.

“Oh, it was good.” He spoke up quietly, walking over to his closet to grab his pajamas, “Got a lot done actually.”

Taehyung had his eyes glued to Jungkook’s back as he rummaged in his closet. There was something off about him and he just couldnt put his hands on it until Jungkook slid off his jacket and shirt for his pajama shirt and turned around without a second thought to slide his pants off.

“Dude!” Taehyund gasped in shock, his fingers pointing directly at Jungkook's cum stained pants.

Jungkook looked down with wide eyes when he realized Taehyung could clearly see. “Did you catch a glimpse of Y/N’s tits when you were studying and busted a nut in your pants or what?”

Mm well no actually just good ole fashioned dry humping is what he wanted to respond with but he chose to deny until he died. “No! I spilled something on my pants at her dorm.”

Taehyung didn’t believe his horrible excuse for a second but didn’t want to continue to tease him, “Whatever dude, go shower. I don’t blame you, she’s hot I bust a nut just looking at her too, now imagine what her pussy feels like.”

Jungkook didn’t even want to respond to his raunchy comment, simply gathering his shower cubby and towel before leaving to go shower. Except now thanks to Tae he really couldn’t stop wondering what your pussy would feel like around his dick.

#jungkook smut #bts smut #jeon jungkook #jungkook #bts #new

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your-brilliant-lady-m · 4 years

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South Korean music industry at a glance: an outsider perspective

I watched one particular AMV last week. The song used for the video was “I’m afraid” by Korean rock band DAY6. I was pleasantly surprised as someone who values lyrics in song first and foremost. The music itself was great. I’ll listen to their songs again. It’s a nice fit for my music taste. Naturally, YouTube’s algorithm decided that I’m a fan of everything Korean after 1 video and started spamming my recommendations with k-pop songs, documentaries and everything in-between.

I watched a couple of videos, listened to some songs and discovered fascinating patterns. So, I went down to the comment section. And it was rather interesting experience, should I say? The concept of entertainment industry in South Korea simply begged to be explored more after this. I dug deeper and visited Tumblr k-pop tags and briefly glanced upon Instagram and Twitter. And, oh...

I am a big picture person and I enjoy both studying and creating systems. This one was particularly fun to explore. I discovered a lot of new things for myself. Perhaps, you can discover something new for yourself too or take a step back and look at this from a new angle.

Disclaimer: it’s impossible not to offend someone on Tumblr, so keep that in mind. That being said, I do NOT intend to insult of offend anyone. It’s just a little research done for fun, because I love research with a purpose. This post is NOT A HATE post. No hate intended for fans, artists or other people involved. It’s meant to be a discussion, nothing more and nothing less. If it sounds like hate, it’s just my sarcastic sense of humour.

Content Warning: I mention suicide, death, depression, rape in a couple of sentences. There’s nothing major or graphic, but it’s there.

In this long post I decided to share with you my opinion, a so-called outsider perspective, on the world of music entertainment industry in South Korea and people involved in it on different levels. I use the word “outsider” mainly because, that’s exactly what I am in this case, as someone who is in no way involved in k-pop community. I can’t name you a single band or their members. I don’t know any solo artist and can’t neither sing nor name you any song.

And to be completely honest, I don’t think I will set my foot into k-pop fan-circles ever again after everything I saw.

Think of this as “In this essay I will...” meme, except there’s an actual essay.

As far as I know, in South Korea “k-pop” refers to all music produced in SK, including solo artists, various bands, singers-songwriters. It doesn’t even have to be pop music. Koreans include in this definition all genres of music. However, around the world “k-pop” means primarily music made by idol groups and bands marketed for children, teenagers and younger people. In this post I use the latter definition, because that’s how most people understand “k-pop” in other countries. Therefore, my statements, opinions and conclusions here would concern only idol music.

The music industry in South Korea is heavily influenced by culture and traditions of the country, just like all things are. And there’s nothing wrong with that. After all, different backgrounds are what makes people so interesting and unique. However, when combined with consumer mindset, desire to generate profit at any cost and fast-paced nature of modern life these neutral cultural elements could produce something concerning, and it can lead to disastrous consequences.

1. Idol

These people are called artists, musicians, singers, bands, groups, performers. In South Korea and in Japan, however, people call them Idols or Stars. I’ve also seen Muses, Princes and Queens. Interesting, isn’t it? The terminology used to describe these musicians in South Korea is one of the key elements in this whole entertainment system. You’ll see why.

But who or what is an idol exactly? Let’s take a basic definition from Wikipedia.

“In the practice of religion, a cult image or devotional image is a human-made object that is venerated or worshipped for the deity, person, spirit or daemon ... that it embodies or represents. In several traditions, including the ancient religions of Egypt, Greece and Rome, and modern Hinduism, cult images in a temple may undergo a daily routine of being washed, dressed, and having food left for them. Processions outside the temple on special feast days are often a feature. Religious images cover a wider range of all types of images made with a religious purpose, subject, or connection. In many contexts "cult image" specifically means the most important image in a temple, kept in an inner space, as opposed to what may be many other images decorating the temple.

The term idol is often synonymous with worship cult image. In cultures where idolatry is not viewed negatively, the word idol is not generally seen as pejorative, such as in Indian English.”

Cambridge Dictionary defines idol as follows:

And here’s the definition from Oxford Dictionary:

This is a centrepiece of this tapestry. Surely, you have noticed by now what these definitions have in common.

Idol = a cult image of a god, a deity

By calling these musicians “idols” industry makes society and audience treat them in certain way, namely as gods. What characteristics do gods possess? They are beautiful, talented, funny, confident and graceful, blessed by eternal youth of immortality. Gods have no flaws, they do not bleed, they are above human concerns. They are an embodiment of perfection. They are stars, you could not reach.

But real people are not like that. They can be sad and angry, insecure. People don’t have perfectly symmetrical faces. They can’t dance in sync without preparation. They can’t sing like angels at any given moment throughout the day.

What happens when idols accidentally reveal their humanity? What happens when people see, that they make mistakes and do stupid things, that they need to train hard to appear graceful on stage?

I will tell you. And it’s not pretty. But, first, let’s look at other elements of this system.

2. Y/N and Self-insert fantasy

Aside from the music, K-pop sells the self-insert fantasy to the audience. It’s carefully arranged to appear real, where the cracks are masked and every word is scripted. The reality is so vivid that one doesn’t even have to use imagination all that much, because all scenarios and decorations already exist. Countless interviews for TV and magazines, fan meetings, talk shows, reality shows made sure people are privy to all juicy details of personal lives and opinions of musicians. And also one word - merchandise. Some of that merch made me question my life choices. Some of it is, ah, creepy or has weird vibes. All of this provides plenty of material for people to work with. Fans can effortlessly imagine themselves beside their idols or even in their place.

In a highly competitive society, where people throw themselves into studying and work since young age, forming deep and lasting connections with others is very hard, sometimes impossible. As a result, people long to have a group of close friends with similar interests, a loving partner who would cherish them endlessly. People want to be rewarded for their backbreaking efforts to succeed by the carefree life of fame and music, everlasting friendships and love. And in a way you can’t really blame them for his.

Does this dream life sound familiar? We are looking at K-pop bands here. It doesn’t really matter if their members don’t always get along or that they can live in debt, that fame is fickle and adoring fans can tear your self-confidence to shreds. Audience wants the glamour of fantasy and the industry is more than happy to cater to these desires.

Perhaps, knowing that even for idols this fantasy is sometimes unattainable makes the whole set up feel just a little cruel.

3. Fans, stans and fandom culture

We’ve already established earlier that idols are gods in the eyes of people and listed traits they must possess. So, what else do gods need to exist? Worshippers. Because a cult is worth nothing without its followers. Gods need a group of people to worship them and spread their beliefs. The role of worshippers is performed by a fans in this case.

Apparently, there is a running joke that girl groups need to win a general public popularity and boy bands need a big passionate fandom. It seems to be true according to my observations.

In k-pop fandom people use the word “stan” to state that they like or support particular group. Now, I am sure everyone here knows that in other fandoms, dedicated to movies, shows, books and games there’s an important distinction between being a “fan” and a “stan”. What is it?

A fan is someone who likes a ship or character, creates and/or consumes fandom content, supports certain ideas, discusses things they enjoyed and disliked, criticises canon. Stans, however, are a different breed. They engage in all typical fandom activities, but their support and enjoyment becomes obsession. Stans believe their favourite characters and ships are immune to criticism, that they are superior no matter what others say. Stans start shipping wars, send anon hate, death threats over fictional characters and hurt real people. Stans are considered toxic fans. And majority of normal civilised people don’t like them and try their best to let stans hang out in their echo chamber by themselves.

In other fandoms and communities, to be a fan means to love, support and enjoy something, while to stan means to obsess over and hyperfixate on these same things. Words “I stan” rarely mean “I support” for most people, and if they do mean that, it’s only used in a joking manner (”We stan procrastination legend!”, “I stan our miscommunication kings”).

Everywhere else “stan” has only negative connotations, except in k-pop. But what has changed? What’s the difference? Why do international fans scoff at “shipper stans” and then turn around calling themselves “stans of X k-pop group” at the same time? Does it make you wonder?

And this is another core theme of k-pop, in my opinion. In fandom where stan = obsession = support, you can see interesting patterns.

Fandom loves their flawless gods. But watching them from afar is not enough for some people, because unlike deities in different religions, these gods live among us. People are very much aware of that. Industry has created a cult and laid the groundwork for worshippers to express their adoration in every way including personal contact. And who wouldn’t want to meet their god? Who wouldn’t want to know more about them or tell them how much you love them? In talk shows and fan meetings there is only so much one can do after all.

People desire to know more, to have more so much that their obsession transforms into concerning stalker tendencies. These crazy individuals follow idols, stalk them on social media, in hotels, research flight numbers, bribe security. Musicians were attacked and poisoned. I strongly suspect there were cases of rape that no one knows about. There is even a special term for these fans - “sasaeng”.

Is there a definition for stalkers of actors or musicians in western world? No, I’m pretty sure there isn’t. They are just called “invasive/obsessive fans” or “stalkers”.

Also, there are sasaeng memes. Yeah, you heard that right. I enjoy some classy dark humour as much as the next person, but there is a fine line between normal and questionable.

Back to the topic of stalkers. Do you realise how disturbing that is? Such behaviour is so common that there is a term for it. You create a fandom-cult, encourage people to worship k-pop idols as gods and then act surprised when members of said cult become fanatics and their adoration becomes obsession.

And it’s so easy to step on this slippery road. The system makes it ridiculously easy. Lines begin to blur. How much is too much? Where do you draw the line?

While sasaeng fans engage in extreme real-life obsession, people online aren’t that far off, to be honest. I’ve seen it all: imagines, headcanons, fanfiction, real-person shipping, reactions. Real person shipping is a controversial topic. Some people support it, others don’t. I suppose I’m among those who don’t get it. I’m not exactly against it, but I find it strange. Mainly because it’s based on assumptions made by fans about personalities and behaviour of real people.

Assumptions. Dear me! K-pop fandom has this thing with video compilations. I’ve never seen this phenomenon being so widespread in any other community or fandom. Basically people edit together a collection of short clips from talk-shows, interviews, Instagram stories, some YouTube videos, etc and then proceed to analyse every gesture, word, facial expression of idols and provide both audio and on-screen commentary. These videos and many other forms of similar analysis allow people to imagine what kind of personalities idols have, what kind of life do they live. It’s the source material for fanfiction, imagines and headcanons.

But it’s not real. It’ll never be real. It’s an illusion, an image, a stage persona. They fall in love with a face and made up personality. And I think that when people create this content they can forget this. Fans can develop certain emotional dependence and unhealthy attitudes in the long run. In some YouTube comments even supportive and encouraging words sound whiny and obsessive. And semantics of being a “stan” of certain group or individual doesn’t help.

4. Industry, companies and liars

At last we arrive at the most important aspect of music entertainment industry - its creators.

Have you seen “The Road to El Dorado”? It’s one of my all time favourites. It has iconic characters, adult jokes that I didn’t get as a child and iconic soundtrack. I’ll quote “It’s Tough To Be A God” a lot here.

In South Korea music industry is a factory, the production line to be exact. This kind of set up affects everything in the grand scheme of things. Companies and agencies play the role of training centres and record labels. And there are so many of them that a whole new scamming system developed based around fake idol agencies. It implies that there are people who fall for offers of these agencies and continue to do so. I suspect that victims must pay a fortune upfront before they realise their mistake. Are there any kind of legal protection against such scams? How can people verify the authenticity? Because a well masked scam can exist for a long time before someone discovers it and calls them out on their nonsense.

As far as I understand legal companies work like this. After high school, which is often focused on performing arts (and private schools can get away with using talents of students for personal gain, which is totally not surprising), young people can audition for an agency and become an idol in training or idol-trainee. And passing audition is hard. But good recommendations can help, connections too.

During training you don’t get paid. Only a few companies pay aspiring musicians. People can spend years in training and don’t debut. But rent, necessities, clothing and food (not that you need much of it, but more on that later) cost a lot. Where do you get the money to live then? Support from parents, one or two part time jobs at most and bank loans. Surprise! We found an unexpected (just kidding, it’s very obvious) party, who reaps benefits from the system.

You need skill to be an idol. Natural talent helps too. The more skills you have, the cheaper and faster your training is. To level up your game you attend classes every month offered by your agency, which are not cheap (dance classes range from 400$ to 1000$ per month, sometimes more). There are four main categories in evaluation process: vocals, rapping, dancing and visuals. Idols are multitaskers, to have a chance on stage one must be perfect at everything. And people are ready to invest thousands of dollars into their kids training so that they could have a chance in entertainment industry. South Korea thrives on revenue k-pop industry generates every day.

Let’s pause here for a second and think about what kind of people come to these agencies. The answer is easy. People who have a dream, a desire, a real goal. You don’t wake up one day and decide to become a k-pop idol. Sometimes people get invited by agencies (after prior acting, modelling career or any other form of exposure). These people are usually very young. Some start straight after high school, some after university, but 25 years old is considered a late start. Compare that to western musicians who start singing at any age and still become famous.

But why this age limit? Because idols are eternally young. So that in public eye musicians are remembered as 20 year old gods. People would listen to their music and imagine a young attractive face. Career in k-pop is short, it lasts 5-7 years, rarely longer than that. It’s even less than modelling or acting can offer. And professional sportsmen retire in their late 30′s. Some play longer, but usually, that’s it.

If you live in Los Angeles and say that you want to be an actor or performer, no one would bat an eye. It’s like saying that you want to be an engineer or accountant. Similarly, in South Korea becoming an k-pop musician is a real career. Because part of the self insert fantasy that the industry sells is the idea that anyone can be an idol. It’s easy after all. Anyone can pass auditions and become a trainee. A trainee with no guarantee of debut. But one should never underestimate the power of idol-dream. After all, idea is the most resilient parasite.

“My friends started training in kindergarten. They have wanted to become idols since young”

“A lot of young kids get interested in Korean music”

A 6-year old child sees the performance of k-pop group for the first time on TV. Let’s say it’s a girl. She is enraptured and decides that she will be like that too someday. She grows up, while being part of the fandom, just like all idols are in one way or another and whose fan-obsession transforms into desire to succeed. Her parents spend time and money to find her tutors, to fund dancing and singing classes. Perhaps in high school this girl decides to fix the shape of her eyes and make nose straighter. She trains hard and passes the auditions in her dream agency. And during training this girl faces the reality of behind the scenes life in music industry.

“Why are you crying? I’m not even pushing you”

“How many times have I told you? The rest are doing it perfectly”

“She is dancing like an elementary school student“

“I watched your performance as a spectator who bought a ticket to your concert. I want a refund“

“You make my ears hurt. I don’t want to listen at all”

“Listening to you was tiring”

“I’ll kick you out instead. You won’t debut”

“I thought I was going to die. That’s how determined I was”

While I do understand that keeping a high quality standards in media industry is important, there are more productive and healthy ways to motivate someone to improve and be more passionate, you know? Constantly insulting people with sadistic glee and putting them down at every opportunity or calling them ugly to their face doesn’t do much.

Do you think that children know about this? Do they know about soulless teachers and belittling managers? Do they know about friends who are really your competition, so you shouldn’t get attached? Do they know about living in debt? Do they know any of this? No, I don’t think they do.

Children dream about the stage, about the sea of lights and crowds who chant your names. They want adoring fans and photoshoots. They want to appear on TV and magazine covers. Teenagers want the thrill of performance, they want to share their music and dancing with others.

“I don’t know how many times I cried alone”

The truth is cruel. But they won’t give up easily even if it means sleeping 4-5 hours and consuming no more than 500 calories per day. Because giving up means that your whole life was a lie. One can’t afford not to be good enough. Giving up means admitting that all efforts and money your family invested into your dream were in vain. It means losing face before your family and friends - a fate worse than death. Imagine living this idol dream and building your whole future around it and then being told that you’ll never debut because of the circumstances outside of your control or something minor, like face shape or 1 kg of weight that your body refuses to lose. It can break you. Especially if you are like 18 or something.

5. “And who am I to bridle if I'm forced to be an idol If they say that I'm a God, that's what I am”

“I don’t think there’s anything a tough as being a trainee in Korea”

Once you are a trainee at the agency your personal life does not belong to you anymore. You can’t go out without permission of the agency. You phone is taken away. Your diet and weight are monitored. Bad habits are not allowed (no smoking, drinking or drugs). Oh! I think I found the good thing in the system! Unfortunately, it won’t last. Trainees can’t date or meet with family without permission of agency. Dating is very taboo. Even established idols can’t openly date.

Why is that? Because gods can’t belong to anyone. Their lives are property of the fandom. Because openly dating idols destroy the self-insert fantasy. There was a former idol girl who dated another musician. She was called a whore by her fans, her loving and adoring stans. You might know who I am talking about. Would you call an American actor or singer a prostitute for dating someone?

Trainees sign the contract. And how can a young person straight out of school or university know much about what makes a good contract in entertainment industry or what makes a good contract in general? Even if you do understand the terms fully you would still sign it because if you have come so far, you can’t let your dream slip this easily. There isn’t a choice. Not really. If you want to debut, you will agree to anything.

What about life after debut? You have to pay off your loans. And company takes 60-70% of your group’s earnings. Artists themselves get 30-40% and split it between themselves. K-pop groups have from 5 to 10 members or more than that. Each person gets less than 6%. Idols are not filthy rich. They are not. These earnings are practically nothing compared to the work you have put into this.

Idols are musicians, who often don’t even write their own songs, music or create choreography. But if public doesn’t like the song and musical number the company created, they blame idols for the failure. Such an amazing logic we see right here. But people say that sharing music is the best part of idol life. But whose music?

Models on catwalk are not there to demonstrate their physical beauty, they are blank canvas for works of clothing designers. Same with k-pop musicians. They act like puppets in a way, whose faces and voices are used to show audience someone’s music and songs. Some groups do write their own music and lyrics and it’s nice to know that. But those, who don’t are rather unfortunate. It’s a nice tool of psychological control and pressure for an agency. They can hold it over group and use the following rhetoric: “We gave you everything! Why can’t you follow the simple instructions” or “Where would you be without us? It’s not even your music!”

I called k-pop industry a factory. That’s true. Dozens of people become trainees every year. These talented young people are fully prepared to do anything to achieve their goal. They are ready to practice until they collapse, starve themselves and pour themselves into every song. Companies know that. Tell me why would they value their idols as individuals, as people, as human beings if they always have a replacement? Why bother with mental health of their artists if next year they could have a fresh set of people, who are younger and prettier? Why try to improve relationships inside groups if you could fire any member and replace them within a month or two?

In western countries famous bands have different stories. Some were friends since high school, who played in bars and during festivals and then they were noticed by some representative of label company, who offered them a contract. Some groups were formed by like-minded people who bonded and decided to share their music with the world. There are many stories, but ultimately the have one thing in common. Bands in the West often form themselves. These people had time to bond, connect, discover each other, solve some disagreements and learn to work around their differences.

K-pop groups are formed by their agencies. They are their property in a way. Company selects the best and puts together these total strangers, appoints the leader with marketable face and personality and then expects them to work together like a well-oiled machine. No one has time to bond during training, because other people are you competition, not friends. And then you must learn to work as a team and be best friends on camera for the audience to support the self-insert fantasy. It’s no wonder that k-pop groups don’t get along sometimes. And every member knows that they are replaceable. It doesn’t help in forming connections. Groups can’t just terminate contract and go to work with another agency. I heard it happens sometimes, but it’s not a done thing. Unlike in other countries where bands just sign the deal with a different label and release their music under their name if they don’t like the old conditions.

“It's tough to be a God But if you get the people's nod Count your blessings, keep them sweet, that's our advice Be a symbol of perfection Be a legend, be a cult Take their praise, take a collection As the multitudes exalt Don a supernatural habit We'd be crazy not to grab it So sign up two new Gods for paradise”

But is it really a paradise?

Idols are expected to act cute, to match personalities created for them by fans or media. They have to act according to the concept of their group. They have to be a symbol of perfection: skinny, single and with a face perfected by surgery. They are allowed to mess up, but only in a cute way. They can break down and cry, but only if it’s “aesthetic”.

Weight issues are a separate topic. Sometimes I wonder whether managers in companies understand how weight loss or human body in general works. To be honest, I think that scales in agencies are rigged. And only managers know that. I know it can be done from personal experience. Some beach resorts tweak their scales and make them show 4-6 kg less than actual weight, so people wouldn’t get upset if they gain some. There is no way a girl as tall as I am (173 cm) could weigh like 47-50 kg and be able to perform complex choreography on stage and sing without being out of breath, visit the gym on a regular basis and generally function as a normal human without fainting every other day.

“I developed a lot of eating disorders”

“I think I consumed about 300 calories today“

“Someone, please, trim the fat off her arms”

If you grow up thinking of idols as gods and then, when you become one of them you think that you must act as one too. But being an easily replaceable god is a heavy burden. The industry, companies and audience want you to be perfect, to always be on your best behaviour. And the thought of not being good enough or divine enough terrifies you, because stans have no mercy (black ocean concept is the most stupid thing ever by the way). This kind of pressure can destroy even the most resilient. And it does.

Almost everyone knows that situation with mental health in South Korea is not the best to put it lightly. In many ways it’s a cultural thing. But in k-pop mental health issues are treated with even less care. Gods are not supposed to be depressed or suicidal. They are not supposed to have fears or insecurities, can’t be upset or angry. They try hard to be this deity, this image. So, even when they realise they need professional help or even a friend to talk to, they either won’t seek said help or reach out only to be met with silence. Some agencies disapprove or forbid therapy altogether.

Sometimes fandom becomes self-aware.

“Don’t forget that idols are people too!”

“Your favourite idols are running out of breath just to keep you entertained“

“They are humans, who have feelings!”

Oh, but here’s the thing, my friend. The industry doesn’t want you to think of them as people. Companies and media repeatedly reinforce the idea that they are not people, they are your idols. And strangely enough, the audience supports this idea. People continue to call them idols, developing worshiping tendencies in the process, imitate them, scrutinise their flaws and triumphs. Because, you know, only “real and ordinary humans” can have flaws, not “idols”.

So people who say “they are human too” and people who say “wow, this concert was amazing, but vocals in the beginning were so off-key, I simply can’t” are one and the same.

This thought process would have been funny if it wasn’t so disappointing. But that’s just my observation.

And here’s another thing about sexualisation. I said before how appearances are everything, marketable face and body could drastically improve your chances to succeed. Companies know about this too and concepts and aesthetics of groups are designed accordingly. Girls are dressed in skimpy outfits, their dances are unnecessary suggestive, they wear heavy make up and try to have “mature” vibes. Boys don’t avoid such objectification either: suits, tight pants and dress shirts along with make up and hairstyle to give audience a promise of the things to come. Grown adults are not supposed to lust after 15-17 year olds. You can’t just create a sexy stage persona for teenagers. Do you remember my earlier words about creepy merch? Yeah. All of it neatly plays into the self-insert fantasy and encourages obsessive behaviour.

This happens in western countries too. In some way that’s understandable. Beautiful and sexy image with a hint of innocence attracts more people and sells, because it caters to one of the base human instincts. But some things make your skin crawl.

Sponsorships are another topic. Some k-pop bands seek out sponsors to provide financial aid and cover expenses, when earnings are not enough. Sometimes these sponsorships are fine, perfectly civil. But sometimes it’s a prostitution. Girl groups receive money and provide sexual favours to their patrons. It’s a way for the group to gain financial support and even find new opportunities in the industry. Companies can encourage such deals. Let that sink in for a moment.

6. “Any advice to those who want to become a k-pop idol?”

A lot of former idols and trainees have similar responses to this question.

“I don’t want to discourage anyone, but think twice”

“You only see the glamorous side, but don’t see all the hard work that goes into it”

“It’s not what you think”

“They think ‘Since I am good looking and can sing and dance really well, maybe I should become an idol?’, but there is much more to it“

“They think it’s something that is easy and will keep their family set for life financially”

And this implies that most people don’t know what kind of lifestyle k-pop stars truly have, despite the amount of information available online about “behind the scenes” proceedings.

7. Moving on

I am a practical person and every decision I make is subjected to scrutiny. And after seeing everything I can't help but wonder whether idols believe it's truly worth it. What keeps the industry alive is the idol-dream, the wilful ignorance of its reality and youthful idealism, the beautiful naïve belief that it'll get better, even if it never does in the end.

Sure no one would ever admit it out loud, because it's one of those things you never say on camera, no matter how sincere you have to be. It's the matter of professionalism after all, and idols have it spades. And also, because admitting this would equal admitting that you spent your best years doing something you both loved and hated, admitting that this was a mistake.

When you grow up in a society where appearances matter the most, where saving face and being polite is more important than staying true to yourself, where individuality is tolerated only to a certain point, it takes a lot of courage to admit that you need a break. I greatly respect those who decided that idol lifestyle is not for them and moved on.

8. Conclusion

To sum up, I hope you enjoyed my small research and this perspective, since you have read it all the way to the end.

You have noticed that entertainment industry is an intricate system and its every component makes sure nothing changes. Companies have power over idols and audience, fandom has power over idols and their careers, and musicians themselves have fame and their music, but not always the promised fortune or happiness.

It’s important to understand the big picture to draw your own conclusions and encourage positive and heathy attitudes in fandoms. Being open minded and allowing people to make mistakes and live their lives the way they want to is a part of being a decent person. People don’t owe anything to others. Art is about sharing your thoughts and feelings, promoting ideas and spreading beauty. It’s not always about money. And I think that this is what k-pop lacks as an industry. It turned dreams and human need for self-expression into business. Here everything is turned into a product. Everything idols touch can be sold, sometimes literally. Industry created problems, which can’t be solved anymore, because doing so would topple the system. And I find it tragic. Trapped in an endless chase after perfection creators of k-pop forgot that beauty lies in the eye of the beholder.

If you take a look at comment sections and posts on different platforms, what will you see? What kind of things resonate with audience? What makes people laugh and cry? When people start to appreciate the substance?

“Everyone needs to hear this song in their darkest moments”

“Thank you for your music!”

“They always deliver! These guys can’t make a bad song!”

“It inspired me to write again!”

“Their songs brought me and my sister together once again”

“This is what happens when you let groups write their own music - they make incredible things”

“They really are legends of k-pop! I love that they are not afraid to show their inner strength”

“Stay strong! You rock!”

I believe that the answer is quite simple: when it’s real, sincere. It’s all about the message you choose to send to your audience, because only superficial things cause obsession. When you say that the sparkly façade is all that matters, then that’s the only thing people will ever care about. Your audience will never give a damn about the meaning behind dancing, music or lyrics, if you tell them that performance is more important. No one would praise WHAT k-pop idols sing, instead they would prefer wasting breath to criticize HOW they sing or look or move.

I dare the k-pop industry to prove people that it’s not just about looks or perfection, or laser shows, or being a branding machine. Prove to your fans that k-pop artists are also passionate people with big dreams and talent, who love every moment of their job, who live and inspire, who are human just like us and whose humanity is real!

Do it, you cowards!

And now, I’m finished. I can hear the raging crowd of k-pop fandom in the distance, which means it’s time to hide. See you some other time!

#k-pop #korean music #k-rock #k-pop idol #k-pop meta #k-pop discussion #k-pop fandom criticism

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gumm-gumm-mum · 4 years

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About Me!

Name: Gene Age: 20′s ;Dec 25 Gender: Female Sexual Orientation: Nonbinary Demisexual Status: Taken by @theoneanoni Personality type: INFP-T Sign: Capricorn About me: I am shy, lol.

I live in my fantasy world, and I prefer it that way. I have Been drawing the entirety of my capable life. It has been both a passion and a hobby to be able to express myself through the canvas. Aside from my artisan skills, I collect porcelain clowns, as well as Beanie Boos. They are hobbies that stuck with me, so yeah. I do what makes me happy. I have an obsession with older music, especially AC/DC, and I am not biased to any genre. Country is my favorite! I’m from the south, what’d you expect??

I spend most time catering to my mental health, and my arts! Art is very cathartic to me, so to be able to draw and express the things that I enjoy is a blessing. My specialty as an artist lies mostly within conceptualism, more specifically, character design. As a child, it was my dream to want to be able to create characters like the ones I saw in order to inspire others as they did me. Since then, my interests have broadened to an almost infinite span, and I'm learning new tricks of the trade every day. Likes: Rock, country, and just about any other genre, Games and movies listed in my folders and such, Trollhunters, Darksiders, Star Wars, Crash Bandicoot, Apocalyptic themes, Transformers, Clowns (The cute ones mostly) I love ghosts, too! Horror Movies Some gore, I am curious about BDSM, but never had a chance to delve. Dislikes: A lot of stuff that is obvious that people wouldn't dig too much. You'll learn as you get to know me. Feel free to ask about me, or anything else I may be interested in!

#about me

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syms-things-5 · 4 years

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Clear The Area: Chapter Three

Previous chapter HERE

Warning: Not explicit (yet); some mild language.

Summary: 29-year-old nurse Sarah Bernette has worked hard to get where she is. Moving to Boston from a nowhere dump of a town, she’s studied hard and is grateful her stress is finally paying off. Despite being fostered repeatedly throughout her childhood, she’s since found some comfort in the form of her adopted parents, Jocelyn and Noah, and a pseudo-adoptive family of sorts in form of the Evans clan who have treated her as one of her own ever since she moved in with best friend, Shanna. Valuing them above all else, she appreciates their support even more when her long lost birth mother decides to reappear in her life after so many years, and is surprised to find out just how supportive Chris is in particular. As she struggles to maintain a firm grip on both her professional and private lives, she finds an ill-advised solace in her growing mutual attraction with him but how long before everything unravels and threatens to pull the rug out from underneath her?

Note: I apologise for my spelling/grammar errors.

CHAPTER THREE

“So, completely, out of the blue, just like that, she’s asked the courts to intervene to ask you to meet her?”

Sarah was sat with Audrey on their break at Joe’s across the street from the ER. It was a favourite haunt of theirs; it was cheap but the coffee was always strong, always hot, and the waffles were to die for. Plus, the chef was so supportive of staff, he would insist on giving them double the amount of toppings. Sarah contemplated using them as wedding caterers should it ever some to that. The location also gave them the added bonus of being far enough away from their work that they felt like it gave them a decent break when they could eventually find a spare 5 minutes, and clandestine enough that they could freely complain about the latest regulations imposed upon them by O’ Brien, the Ward Co-ordinator, and his questionable personal hygiene.

“Fuck me, the nerve.” Audrey shook her head in bewilderment. “You’d think she’d have taken the hint the first time around.”

“Well, there’s always the possibility she thought her letters might not have reached me and now she’s just trying to cover her bases.” Sarah suggested, taking another drink of her piping hot coffee and feeling course through her body, a comforting warmth for the first time that day. She was struck in that moment by her own empathy for this woman. She wasn’t sure what it meant.

“Don’t go making excuses for her. It’s arrogant is what it is, paying for some fancy lawyer to do her bidding. If she wanted to do right by you, she would have responded all those years ago when it was you reaching out to her. Don’t you take pity on her now. You have to make it clear to them, the lawyers or whoever the fuck this is, that you’re happy, you’re in a good place, and you have all the fucking family you need,” Audrey emphasised each point by stabbing her finger on the table. “You need whatever bullshit she is selling.”

Rarely did Audrey mince her words. She could be relied on to tell you straight exactly what she thought and at several times during their friendship, Sarah counted her blessings that she was on the right side of her.

“Yes, yeh, of course.” she lied. Perhaps lied. She wasn’t sure what she was thinking in that moment. At various times during the days since she had received the notice, she’s swung back and forth between rejecting their request outright or taking the opportunity to see what she was like in the flesh, to see whether she was anything like she had pictured in her mind. Just to satisfy her curiosity at least. Shan suggested they should arrange to meet her and perform some sort of “drive by” and run away at the last minute. As more and more time went by, Sarah found herself warming to that suggestion.

“What do your folks think about it?” Audrey asked.

“I don’t know. I haven’t told them about it yet. They’re in town next weekend so I’ll wait and tell them in person I think.”

Audrey nodded in understanding, pouring them what was left of their coffee pot. “I take it you’ve told Shan about this?”

“Yeh but we don’t get a lot of time to discuss things at the moment. More like passing ships in the night.”

��Oh right, I forgot. Cap’s back. How is it going? Is he still hanging out at yours?”

Sarah nodded and watching Audrey’s eyes light up, looking giddier than she’d ever seen before.

“How is he looking? Like, abs wise? I bet there isn’t an inch of fat on him. I bet he walks around in his towel, all wet after a shower. Still buff as hell, right?” She flashed Sarah the naughtiest smile she could muster. She swore Audrey was imagining him right at this very minute.

“Can I remind you that you have a very real and very lovely husband at home?” Sarah playfully jabbed her friend with her fork.

“Don’t tell mer you haven’t noticed.”

“How do you expect me to answer that?” Sarah protested, her voice reaching a little too high for her liking and she could sense Audrey’s doubt in her declaration. “For your information, I haven’t really spoken to him much since he got back.”

“Y’know, I like my husband a normal amount but if I was single and living in close proximity to that, I’d be all over that shit.”

Funnily enough, Sarah didn’t doubt that for a second. She’d seen up close and personal her flirtatious remarks to him after she’d been forced into introductin them some years earlier. She marvelled at how shy she’d become when she was typically so verbose and confident. Things progressed quite quickly that evening thanks to the shots he kept pouring for them and the arm she kept draped across his wide shoulders, practically sat in his lap. He wasn’t complaining one bit. She recalled fond memories of a random video recorded on Audrey’s phone that was meant to be a ‘Happy Birthday’ message to Michael but instead became an example of what not to show your husband when hanging out with an A-List Movie Star. Aside from the occasional political rant and last night’s episode of Jimmy Fallon, Chris was often Audrey’s favourite topic of conversation when he was in town.

“You know why he does that.” Audrey hinted before taking the last few bites of her waffles, feigning innocence.

Sarah knew where this train was going and was keen to stop it before it derailed and killed innocent passengers. “We need to get back. I have an x-ray to collect and you have a bladder irrigation in cubicle two.” Audrey’s shoulders dropped and she grimaced at the thought.

As they were heading back, they narrowly avoided colliding with Greg seemingly leaving for the day. Sarah would soon regret her jibes as Audrey made an unmistakably loud call-out in his direction. He may have just about escaped her clutches but turned to swagger his way back towards them, grinning widely.

“Hey guys, how’s it going?” He asked coolly, and to his credit he seemed genuinely interested. Sarah had thought he only reserved that kind of over-interest for consultants who might be able to further his career but perhaps she’d been too quick to judge him after all.

“Yeh, it’s going really well, thanks. How are you? You finished for the day?”

Sarah inwardly groaned. Audrey was going somewhere with this.

“Just heading home to get changed and then probably just head for the gym, I think. Might try and get a game of tennis in if I can.” He held up his bag to indicate his racket was inside. Sarah saw the label for YSL.

“Oh, you play tennis? How funny! So does Sarah!” Sarah figured she might have played twice in her entire life and one of those occasions ended in her swearing never again to pick up a racket. “Oh my god, Sarah, can you believe this? Such a small world. Sarah was the team at her college in fact.”

How could Greg not notice the insincerity?

“Really? Hey, y’know, if you’re free sometime, I’d love to have a match or two,” he smiled widely at Sarah as she died a little inside. “I haven’t managed to find anyone here who plays yet so it would be good to make a friend at least.”

Sarah spotted the earnestness in his eyes and almost felt a little sorry for him. Nevertheless, she nodded along in the hopes of ending the conversation as quickly as possible so she could get inside and stab Audrey with a scalpel. It wasn’t that she didn’t like Greg. He was perfectly nice, very ambitious with the intelligence to match, and even under the harsh lights of the Ambulance Bay, he was clearly a very attractive man; all height, with not a hair out of place. It was more her issue than his. According to Audrey, she was unsure of herself around overly good-looking men. Audrey first pointed this out to her when they were on a night out. She said a lack of self-esteem somewhere inside her meant that she automatically wrote herself off whenever it came to guys she deemed herself to be unworthy of. Then Audrey - and she may have been drunk at this point, Sarah couldn’t quite remember herself - insisted on writing out a list of pros that started with green eyes and ended with her “impressive butt”. She laughed when Audrey told her that she somehow made scrubs look fashionable and not dowdy, and that she should treat herself once in a while to an item of clothing that wasn’t a hoodie or a pair of jeggings.

“Well, I’m sure that could be arranged,” Audrey winked at him, and Greg seemed agreeable to that idea. “You’re not doing anything tomorrow night, are you Sarah?”

“Um,” she really tried hard to wrack her brains but came up short. “No, not that I can think of right at this moment.”

“Well, great, maybe meet you at Roxbury Gym tomorrow night? I have a membership that lets me bring friends and family so there’d be no problem.”

Of course he did.

“Er, yes, OK. Sounds good. Just don’t go hoping for Open standard or anything. It’s been some time since I played.” She directed that last comment squarely at Audrey who had never looked prouder of her work. Greg smiled at them again and wished them both a good afternoon before backing away and heading to his car, his bag swung confidently over his shoulder.

“Wow, thank you.” Sarah said sarcastically.

“Hey, you can thank me later, sugar.”

It was just after eight when she got home. Shan was working late so Chris had texted her to ask if she wanted to share a pizza that evening and she’d agreed like it was the greatest idea in the world. It was actually paying off now that Chris was there most of the time; if he wasn’t keeping the fridge stocked with beer and various groceries, she’d found him hoovering the hallway the day before, apropos of nothing.

He wasn’t immediately present when she entered the apartment. She dumped her bag by the door and collected some post from the side table Shan had left for her. The TV was on low on C-Span and she spied two scripts on the coffee table, one looking vaguely Marvel-ish. She dare not look at it in case there was a microdot inbred into every page that would alert them to intruders touching the paper. Or it was fingerprint-sensitive. Also, she genuinely wanted to be surprised when she would inevitably see it at the cinema. She’d been invited to a premiere on one occasion and Chris found it both hilarious and endearing that she turned him down, preferring to see it in a packed screening with honest movie fans instead of critics with annoying lights at the end of their pens. She also didn’t want to embarrass herself in front of Mark Ruffalo but she kept that nugget to herself.

Just as she was heading towards the bathroom to wash up before dinner, Chris emerged from Shan’s bedroom, a towel slung low on his waist, a slight steam rising off his skin. Sarah couldn’t stop the knowing laugh from escaping her.

“Ouch. Thanks.” Chris retorted.

“Oh no,” She realised how that sounded. “It wasn’t anything, y’know. Um, it wasn’t, um...” Sarah’s brain had stopped working and she became increasingly aware of time passing very slowly with Chris just staring at her. “I was talking to Audrey about something earlier and you just reminded me is all.”

“Oh, Audrey, nice. How is she?” That seemed to change his attention for the better, thankfully.

“Married.”

Chris snickered to himself. “Man, she loves you, y’know. You’re lucky. She seems like a good friend.”

“Yeh, I know. She’s great. Not many friends would work so hard on setting me up on a date.” Sarah had only intended to say that last part under her breath as she turned to head into the bathroom.

“A date?! You?”

It was evidently now Sarah’s turn to feel affronted. “Yes, me. Why so surprised?”

“Not surprised at all. Just. OK, yeh, surprised, but only a little bit. You always seem so quiet on that front. I actually can’t remember the last time you went on a date.”

“That’s not a helpful comment, Chris.”

“Daniel!” Chris clicked his fingers. “It was Daniel and he rode to work on a skateboard!” He was momentarily proud of his powers of recall until he noticed the look on Sarah’s face. “He was nice. He liked....stuff.”

Sarah couldn’t keep up the pretence any longer. “I remember he had an unnatural obsession with onion rings,” She laughed. ‘It took me forever to disinfect the place of the smell!”

Chris laughed heartily at the memory. “Well, I hope whoever this new guy is, he’s worthy of you.”

She was grateful for the nudge and he smiled back at her. “Pizza will be another 10 minutes I reckon, so be quick.”

Sarah shot him the finger guns in acknowledgement, regretted the finger guns, then closed the bathroom door behind her. She toyed with the idea of getting a shower but really, really wanted pizza before Chris had the opportunity to devour it. His appetite was truly off the charts when he wasn’t in training mode. She couldn’t quite believe what he could put away or where it ended up because it certainly made no difference to his physique.

As she re-emerged fresh and in a change of clothes, Chris was laying out the pizza and beers on the coffee table. She rarely ate anywhere other than at the kitchen table but Chris told her to live a little and relax. She followed the delicious smell of pepperoni and garlic bread and quickly gave in.

“So who’s the new guy?” Chris asked when they were both a couple of bites in.

“Just this guy from work. He’s new to Newton’s but only there for a few more weeks I think. Audrey is obsessed with setting me up with him. What?” She spotted Chris’ growing smirk stretch across his face. “Seriously, what is it?”

“So he’s not gonna be there for long? Never had you down as a hit-it-and-quit-it kind of girl before.” She could tell he was trying hard not to burst out laughing.

“Great, so first I’m not dating at all and now I’m only interested in serious relationships?”

Chris held his hands up in protest. “There’s nothing wrong with that by the way! It works for me. If the girl is into it, even better.”

“It’s different for guys, though. You can get away with it because it’s assumed you’re naturally immature. For women, it’s like... we’re immoral or something.” She picked a large red pepper from her slice, placing it on her plate only for Chris to pick it back up again and add it to his. “The bar is held a lot higher for us, you have to admit.”

“Yes, perhaps. But there’s nothing wrong with enjoying sex without the pressure of asking yourself so many questions afterwards. You don’t have to see them again if you don’t want to. You don’t even have to learn their names. So long as it’s safe, just enjoy it for what it is. I don’t think there is anything immoral about that.” He shrugged.

Sarah smiled at him. “Is this what got you here?” She had only meant that as a passing joke but recent events had completely slipped her mind. Chris paused mid-bite unsure of how to respond. Sarah turned towards him fully prepared to apologise. “Mate, I’m-”

“Don’t worry about it. God knows, I deserve it.” He wiped his fingers with a napkin. “It was what it was.”

Sarah wasn’t sure if that was an admission of sorts and was unsure of how to respond. He could see the thoughts crossing through her mind and nodded slowly, wordlessly answering the question he wanted to ask but was too wary to do so. He hadn’t felt much like talking of late preferring the relative comfort found at the bottom of a beer bottle or glass of whisky. Scott, his friends, his sisters, everybody had worked out quickly enough that it was a topic he did not want to discuss. Everybody except his mom, that is. He readily acknowledged that he had been avoiding the conversation but also a growing awareness that his relationship with Jenny had been possibly symptomatic of something else he’d been trying to avoid of late: that he was getting older and had little understanding of what he wanted to do or where exactly he wanted to be. Sarah also didn’t want to put herself in a position his mother might be better suited towards.

“It’s so stupid.” He shook his head, resigned. He took another deep breath before picking up his beer bottle contemplating taking a mouthful. “Things just got out of hand. It’s my own fault. I should have thought more first instead of running into things. You think I’m stupid, don’t you?”

“No, not at all.” She tried to sound as genuine as possible and he was grateful. She never thought he was an idiot. Naive maybe, but not an idiot. “I’ve know you long enough to know that you’re not a bad person. Plus, y’know, it takes two as they say. Look, I’m probably not the best person to advise on this kind of thing anyway.”

He seemed grateful for the brief assurance. “I think you’re better than you think you are.”

She attempted to change the subject. “So, you’re back filming next month?”

“Yeh, just for a few days hopefully.” He decided to follow her lead. “Then I’m free for a while. Should be easy enough.” He seemed to relax a little more physically at the thought of his impending freedom. The immense financial security meant he tended to take longer breaks between projects now, and he was a little fussier about the project when he did eventually choose to work again. “Shan said you folks were coming this weekend?”

“Next weekend now, but yeh. Looking forward to it. I haven’t really spoken to them much recently and Dad’s been so busy lately and Mom’s worrying about his blood pressure again so it’ll be good for him to switch off for a while. I was thinking of taking them to a photography exhibition in town.”

“Steve McCurry?” His eyes lit up exponentially at the name. “I’m dying to see that one. It’s a shame they don’t keep the studio open past nine now. That would’ve been ideal.” He scoffed and Sarah felt a sadness for him. Not so long ago, he’d had to leave his nephew’s school play halfway through and via a fire door when one of the parents insisted on joking with him loudly throughout the first fifteen minutes about whether he saw any acting talent on stage and then subsequently bugged him to play golf during an interval. It was hard for him to just go out and enjoy normal things such as exhibitions or theatre or, hell, even a casual walk through a park. They were beautiful at this time of year now that Summer was just around the corner and the weather was getting much warmer and brighter. For Chris, any simple trip now relied upon precision timing and stealth-like skills to avoid being seen and quite frankly, that must have sucked.

“Well, you’re welcome to come with. I’m sure we could sneak you in with a disguise somehow.” she winked and nudged him with her shoulder to break the silence, and there was a smile forming in the corner of his mouth.

“Fuck it. You’re on!”

Next Chapter HERE

#Chris Evans #Chris fic #fanfiction #Evans fic #Sarah Bernette #Clear The Area #chris evans x original female character #Syms Writing

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pythosart · 5 years

Text

A big ol 2019 end of the year update

I felt somewhat compelled to write my end of the year/decade thoughts, but a warning before you read: This one’s going to be heavy, intensely personal, and long. If you don’t feel up to reading that, it may be best to skip it. I promise I’ll go back to shutting up and posting art afterwards. I’m profoundly incapable of being concise, ever, so apologies for the length of this.

2019 was a nightmare.

Some background: In mid 2016, my mother was diagnosed with a rare form of liver cancer. She was given a few months to live. She was given weeks or months to live multiple times, for almost three years. In that time my mom was in and out of the hospital, but spent all her good days living life to the fullest, starting and finishing dream projects, and keeping all of us going despite her own situation. Even when she was bedridden, hooked up to tubes and bags and god knows what, she found time to prop up her loved ones and pursue her hobbies. She even managed to develop new hobbies and interests while otherwise imprisoned by her physical state, something I struggle to do at the best of times even in my young and relatively healthy form. If there’s anything I can make of this experience, it’s that I hope to grow into even half the woman my mother was.

I ended 2018 with my final quarter at SCAD. I spent the entire quarter terrified my mom was going to die while I was away from home. It was horrific, I barely scraped by my last few classes (bless my professors’ endless patience), and immediately left Savannah for home as soon as the quarter was up. I never had room to celebrate finishing college. Any other year it would be a huge milestone, but I barely even care.

This past May, my mother passed away, after three years of petrifying suspense. It happened in the dead middle of the night, while my best friend was visiting for a con, and it still feels like a bad dream. It’s also one of the only vivid memories I even have of this year.

I wish I had more to say on that, but I genuinely think the drawn out suffering and fracturing of my whole world left me unable to fully unpack everything that’s happened. It’s hard to even think about for long, and at times I even half-forget she’s gone. I think of things I want to show her, or tell her, or cook with her. Just the other day I kept thinking I’d tell her how much I liked endive after she showed me how to make it. I found a historical Italian cooking channel that, every time I see it, I just think of how much she’d love it. I knew she’d love Hot Fuzz but never got to show her. Little, stupid things that shouldn’t matter, but they do. They just do.

My mother and I were close, much closer than I am with my dad. Especially towards the end of her life, we had gotten closer, and I felt like I was only just really getting to know her as an equal. I still want to share my life with her, but that chance is gone.

This holiday season has been especially rough in her absence, because not only was my mom the motivational and creative force behind a lot of holiday activities here, it’s the first everything without her. We had Thanksgiving with friends and a catered dinner, instead of spending several days cooking and polishing family silver and setting the table. I won’t be making handmade tortellini with her for Christmas like we did every year. It’s the little things like that.

We’re a tiny family, with over half of us in Italy and lacking much communication due to the language barrier. Family holidays were always small, but there’s just a huge hole how, much greater than the cold numeric value of “one fewer participant.” My mom was always a driving force and a keystone in our support networks, not to mention the main line of contact with the Italian-speaking side of the family, so now the family feels so much more scattered and isolated than ever.

My girlfriend was close to my mother too, and as she’s been living with me for years now and is practically part of the family, I think she took it just as hard as anyone. Cel saw everything I did, and dealt with many of the same uncertainties and traumatic experiences I did.

A month after I lost my mother, I lost my cat too. Galileo was twelve years old, a spry old man who yelled instead of meowed, and just a wonderful cat. I got him when I was in 7th grade, after begging my parents for years to get me a cat. It was my mom who eventually overrode my dad’s hesitations, and from then on Leo was part of the family. He went through a very sudden decline over the course of a week or two, and we learned it was cancer. Feline lymphoma, I think. I had to make the call to put him to sleep, and it ripped what was left of my heart out.

Not that it needs stating, but fuck cancer.

A few too-short months later, I cut ties with a “friend,” which despite how fucking much it hurt, was really for the best. At a certain point one simply can no longer afford to waste energy on a certain kind of person. Unfortunately I’m a persistently optimistic idiot, and it took me too long to cut my losses before deep damage was done. Done to me, my close friends, and even barely involved acquaintances this “friend” dumped on relentlessly and tried to harass into spying on me. Really, if any part of this is unforgivable, it’s that.

All this was, however, a valuable reminder that it’s no good to have any tolerance for habitually dishonest people, even if they think they’re doing it to look “nice.” Chronic liars will gaslight you whether they know it or not, and trying to navigate that in an already damaged mental state is inadvisable. It was an important lesson in picking one’s battles, albeit one learned too late. I’m still holding out hope I can find it in my heart to forgive this person, if only for my own selfish sake so I can move on. I have a lot of experience living on spite, and I don’t want to make a further habit of it.

Naturally all of the above did little to curb my already inflamed pessimism about the state of my country and the world at large, but I need not expand on that, I imagine.

I suppose it would be unfair of me to leave it all at that and only mention the negative, though admittedly positivity is hard to muster these days. A few bright spots of note:

Graduated from SCAD with my BFA in Sequential Art (technically last year, but I did the ceremonial bit this year)

Tabled at Animazement with Woods. We barely broke even, but it was a great time and I plan on doing it again in the new year.

Spent literally an entire month hanging out with my two best friends, which was amazing and exactly the kind of healing experience I needed around that time of year.

Properly did Halloween for the first time in years. I made a costume I’m proud of and we went out on the town… for like an hour, because it promptly started pouring. But fun nevertheless

Started therapy. As of writing this, I’ve only had an introductory session, but it’s a start. Should have started six months ago, but didn’t for reasons to be addressed...in therapy

Started volunteering at the local natural history museum, where I spent like half my childhood. I’ll be doing data entry in collections, but that’s still cool as hell

Got a start on figuring out what I want to do with my life. It’ll involve going back to school for science within the next five-ish years, but it’s nice to have a goal. More of a goal than I’ve ever had, in fact.

Played some extremely good video games (shout out to The Blackout Club and Control)

Made a shitload of unnecessary yet endlessly fun and good AUs with my friends and my one (1) OC

Got an iPad Pro and started learning Procreate, which has gotten me drawing more

Learned a bit of needle felting

2019 was a year of getting much closer to my two best friends, and I genuinely owe them my life at this point. I don’t know where I’d be without them. Nowhere good, certainly.

Woods and Dross kept me talking to people, kept me creating, told me when I was being unreasonable or needed to cool it, heard me out when I needed it but always kept me honest. They helped me keep some creative juices flowing when otherwise I’d have been at a frustrated loss and might have given up for good. If it seems like I’ve kept up my usual art output at all, and if you’ve enjoyed the Lou content (or not, whoops... apologies to everyone who followed me for monster content) you have both of them to thank.

Even moreso, I owe my girlfriend a great deal for being there for me through all of this while she herself was suffering similarly. She and I have had our ups and downs, and been through a lot in the five-ish years we’ve been together. We aren’t the most outspoken couple, but I think our mutual understanding and pain mitigated a lot of the damage this year has done. I don’t think I could have handled it alone.

Furthermore, I really need to thank a lot of other friends and acquaintances I’m not quite as close with, but still talk to. These people especially were willing to call me on my bullshit when necessary, or just talk to me at all, about anything. Even if these acquaintances didn’t know it at the time, there’s a good chance they were dragging me out of one of my frequent existential despair spirals.

I also, weirdly, owe a lot to helping my hen Julia recover from her dog attack. That was around the time that my mom’s health was in its final decline, when I felt the most helpless and despairing. I think having even some tiny something I could do to help was like, the only feeling of control I had in life for a bit there. Julia’s fine, by the way. Still queen of the yard, top chicken boss bitch, etc. Julia was always a kind of kindred spirit with my mom, in a way. Little but not to be underestimated, gray, big personality and commanding presence… Not to mention, she was one of the first in our flock and was always my mom’s favorite.

It would be too much to say I have high hopes or plans of any kind for the upcoming year, but I do have a list of things I want to try and do. Some of which will involve art, and the posting thereof.

Big if on this one, but I’ve also recently started therapy (only took me half a year to work up to making a phone call after the first failed attempt took all the wind out of my sails) and I have…maybe not high hopes, but hopes, for that doing something to help. I should have started therapy two years ago, but the second best time is now, etc etc.

I have a lot of New Year’s resolutions, beyond the usual “get in shape, drink less coffee, blah blah” that I’ll try and write up a little list of separately. Most of them are art-related, so you all will be there to watch me swing and miss I PROMISED I’D TRY TO BE LESS NEGATIVE. New Year’s resolution #1: Maybe don’t make so many self-deprecating jokes.

Anyway, I don’t know how to end any wall of text, be it an OC worldbuilding screed or something serious like this, so... I guess, love yourself, cherish your friends, know when to put your own needs first and when to put your friends’ needs firster. One of the things my mom taught me in this past year or so is that relationships are what you make of them, and that it’s okay to be selfish sometimes. Be generous, be genuine, don’t be a doormat and don’t lie to people you care about, even if it seems kinder in the moment. Savor the time you have with those close to you, and spend time doing things you love. Cliché, maybe, but cliché can still be true. Happy new year, everyone. I sincerely hope it will treat us all better. 2020 may just be an imaginary change of numbers, but I like to think it really does wipe the slate in a way, and make room for all of us to do what we can to be better. Speaking of which, vote. For the love of all that is good, vote.

A little bullet list of New Year’s resolutions, because it’s nicer to look at

Try to get back in shape (of course) - That 30 days of strength thing was good while it lasted, despite my joints hating me

Learn some new recipes, preferably with fewer carbs, you Italian ass

Keep a physical calendar and stick with it for at least a few months

Learn at least one new skill by the middle of the year, whether it’s art-related or something else

Start writing more. Don’t have to share it, but try. Write down ideas somewhere other than Discord where they’re easy to lose

Either reopen Patreon or figure out how ko-fi works. Even if it’s for no money, just to have structure and goals.

Do Animazement again and try out some new product types

Go to SCAD career fair with a decent portfolio

Get better about spending, by whatever method works

Attend some art classes at the local collectives, doesn’t matter what

Play more video games. I swear I only played like three new things this year

Read more classic literature and nonfiction, at least one book per month. I’ve been really enjoying Agatha Christie’s works and am about to start Guns, Germs, and Steel

Read more comics. Basically just consume more media

Do Halloween again, better this time

See friends in person more

Practice accepting whatever shitty thoughts show up and then letting them go, rather than dwelling on them

#not art #text post #death cw

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beybladeimagines · 5 years

Note

Hi! This is another inappropriate question(sorrynotsorry) for Ray, Tala, Bryan & Kai. Do you like to give or receive? If you catch my drift? 💋

LEMONY CONTENT BELOW THE READ MORE.

“What kind of guy would I be if I strictly received? Really - where’s the fun in that?” He leans back into his chair with arms behind his head. If the asker had intentions to make him uneasy, they’d have to try a lot harder than that. Somehow, he’d gotten more comfortable with entertaining these kinds of questions. If he was supposed to put on a show, he might as well make it a damn good one.

“Guess you can say I’m a giver. I’d do just about anything to hear someone cry out because of me. Maybe it’s an ego thing - who knows? But you’d be satisfied too if the reason someone quivered and convulsed was because of a simple flick of the tongue. Not trying to brag or anything, but it’s easier for me to prove my point if I just show you. Were you interested in volunteering?”

He has his moments when he’ll give, but for the most part, the titan always takes. He feels inclined to hone in on that point, but part of him feels like it’d be a lie. He is no stranger to dishonesty, but the game he’s been playing for the past few evenings has made him feel inclined to entertain honesty.

“I’m usually not interested in spending too much time with someone else. My need to feed comes first, but my partners usually don’t complain. They already know what to expect. In fact, they should be so lucky I invited them in in the first place. But...” He pauses. Frustration builds up. He almost hesitates to say this out loud, but he has to. “If it’s a quiet night and the snow forces them to stay, then I’ll give. I need a reason. I need to trust you. I need to be interested in what you have to offer. That’s when I’ll care to give your body my blessing. But again, that’s not the norm. You should never expect such pleasantries from me.”

“Why stop at one when you can have both?” Greedy fucker. His mouth always wants more. More food to eat, more flesh to fuck, more skin to sample, more names to call. Selfish people aren’t the one’s who simply want to receive. No, he wants to cherish the heat of his prey; he wants to be the reason their clothes are ruined; he wants to feel their entirety erupt in his grasp; and he wants to taste their sweet defeat. Drool is practically begging to descend from the thought of all these actions.

“We’ve got all night, don’t we? It’s all about who gets to who first. If I’m letting them take the lead, I’ll be the one to make them see god. I try not to go all out during the first few minutes. I want to make sure they have enough energy to get a taste of me too. It’s boring if only one of us gets to play. I prefer to make the moment last. I might not call them back later, so I’m kinda doin’ them a favor.”

“Receive.” His words, as always, are blunt and bold. He doesn’t even bother keeping his eyes on the other. His response is so casual and emitted without thought. He doesn’t need to think through something that he does so shamelessly. And, of course, they should know of his selfishness by now.

“Did you honestly expect otherwise? I’m not here to cater to anyone’s needs but my own. If you seek me out, you’re consenting to making a moment with me - nothing more, nothing less. You should also feel lucky that I have the time to even entertain you. If you’re good, I’ll let you c u m - but good girls don’t make demands. Keep this in mind when you call me. It’s about what I’m feeling first and if you did as I said, then maybe you’ll get a reward in return. You’ll have to find out for yourself.”

#beyblade imagine #ray kon #tala ivanov #bryan kuznetsov #kai hiwatari #lemon #vdaycelebration #Anonymous

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apartyofone · 4 years

Text

My 2020 – a not-short-enough story.

(Because the 2.7 people still following this blog want to know)

“Ouch”, I said rubbing my left foot in January. Huh – there’s a nasty cut. And swelling.

Hospital stay 1. MRIs. Xrays.

Hospital stay 2. CAT scan. More Xrays. Two exploratory surgeries in foot. Learn that many hospital meals include green jello.

“You’ve had a big staple embedded in your foot for years” says Dr. “Huh,” I said. Never felt it. Guess I really am an unfeeling bastard.

“Oh….and your bone is infected – we have to hack it out,” says Dr.

Two options:

1. Chop whole foot off at heel, wear silly faux shoes rest of my life and I’m back hobbling around in 4 weeks.

2. Remove infected bone. Insert temporary pins and spacer. More surgery 6 weeks later to place permanent cadaver bone with pins, rods, plates and everything else from some aisle at Home Depot. And a 4-6 month rehab but with my same foot, sans embedded ouchie metal staple.

Spent a sleepless night in hospital thinking it through.

“Dr, is Option 2 kind of a ‘Hail Mary’ play to save my foot?,” I ask.

He considers the question. “No,” he says. “More like a Philly Special.”

Game on then. Surgery 1 is on March 3. “Thumbs up,” said the sweaty Dr to me in post op. He spent 5 hours opening my foot up with a can opener and rearranging all the parts. No problems and I’m gonna be sprung from the joint very soon.

Or not. The next day my kidneys decide to go on vacation. Maybe jealous of all the attention to the lower body parts? Maybe there was a staple in there,too?

Now I’m in a 10-day haze of dialysis, antibiotics, painkillers and countless doctors shaking their heads. My kids and even my cold bastard of a brother is concerned.

Me, I’m just enjoying the hell out that green jello.

For absolutely no good reason, my kidneys suddenly return from the dead. Numbers stabilize. What happened? Docs have no clue. They’re more interested in something I’m just now hearing about: some new virus that’s filling up the ICU and other hospital beds. What’s a “covid19”?

Quarantine stops life but I’m blissfully unaware. Until the nurses tell me they’re getting worried about me being surrounded by people dying of this dreaded plague. Pushed out of the hospital in late March after a 26 day long stay.

No more fucking green jello. Ever.

My medical odyssey scorecard to this point:

Minus: 1 old staple.

Add: Lots of stitches and hardware in my foot

Minus: About 60 lbs, or so I reckon looking in the mirror.

Home health nurses, physical and occupational therapy folks come and go through a revolving door at my house for a month. My kids cater to my every need. Feeling blessed by both great health insurance and my family.

Everyone chafing from the locked down experience. Meanwhile I’m happy as hell to just be home. I’m in a bubble inside of a bubble of a world of mask, face shields and social distancing.

Hospital stay 3 is mercifully short. Follow up surgery goes according to plan. I decided to name the cadaver bone in my foot as “Kobe” to piss off a co worker who is a huge Lakers fan.

Now it’s just a matter of rest and keeping all weight off my foot. While I’m flat on my ass through April and May a plan starts to form. An adventure. Exactly what I need for today and tomorrow.

More Xrays. Bone graft is doing nicely. I ask my accountant if my cadaver bone implant qualifies as another dependent on my taxes. (Accountants have little imagination and no sense of humor)

Still no walking but at least I can start working from home.

June 1 and I’m back to work – albeit 30 miles from my old office. Love the new commute – stepping over two large and snoring yellow cats. Miss the workplace camaraderie and casual conversations that are part of my management style. Really miss walking back to the print shop and watching all the different books come off the press.

Learn Zoom. Move some pictures on my wall behind me to get a better backdrop. Immediately wish I had bought stock in the company that produced it. Takes awhile to get back into the swing of things at work.

I’m admittedly distracted. The afore mentioned plan pops up into my thoughts more and more. Already told my kids about it back in May as a “maybe”. It’s now a “oh hell yes.”

I surprised my financial advisors when I let them in on it. Spending evenings and weekends doing researching, reading books on the topic and formulating my own plans. When I get serious about something I make spreadsheets. Lots and lots of them.

So now it’s mid July and the plan is in full bloom.

I’m going to stay gainfully employed as the president of my company until around March, 2022.

On or around May 2022 I’m moving. Far away. Really far.

France. Or maybe Portugal, Greece or Spain. Or maybe all four for a little while because that’s what you can do when you retire.

I’m very happily leaving the (not) United States of America within 22 months. My decision has something to do with the ongoing political and social climate but it goes deeper. America now seems like a very backward place in so many important ways. Here’s one: Even though we lacked the good sense and discipline to obey scientists, wear masks and social distance, our idiot leader in Washington, D.C. insists that we risk our children’s lives to send them to school this fall.

Does this sound like a civilized nation? Because it doesn’t to me.

Love it, or leave it – say the cult45ers. M’OK.

I’ve offered the chance to live to Europe to both kids. Looks like my son is signing on – and I’m thrilled about that. Yeah, I could have handled this challenge alone. But it’s going to be easier – and nicer – to share it. And this could be an amazing fresh start for him.

Going to keep the house in the Philly suburbs. Daughter can live here as long as she likes. If she moves out I’ll probably rent it. Selling the house and completely pulling up stakes is the number one mistake people make when they go the ex-pat route. I learned that early in my planning. And I’m keeping notes because….

All those books I was reading on the subject of retiring overseas? Horrible. Just plain awful. Every single one. So, yeah, I’m going to write my own book on the topic that will be THE end-all, be-all guide to the experience.

And if you need any advice on the ex-pat topic before the book comes out – such as how you can live large on $2500 a month in the south of France – give me a shout. Preferably not in French – I’m going to start learning the language sometime next year.

FYI - ‘vert jello’ is the french translation of “green jello”.

The best I advice I can give all 2.7 of you reading this – staying or leaving this country – is this:

Don’t step on staples.

#2020 #2022 plan

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spikeymarshmallows · 4 years

Link

A friend linked me to this article, and I’m only a bit through, but here are some things people don’t realise about ADHD. Heck, I sure didn’t once!

Take hyperfocus, a common ADHD trait, for example. People can become so engrossed in an activity that interests them (like playing video games) for so many hours that they lose all sense of time. But because it isn’t included in the diagnosis manual and doesn’t fit the “attention deficit” stereotype, clinicians wrongfully use it to disqualify patients from an ADHD diagnosis.

--Yep. Was told by a psychiatrist that because I had a bachelors, and liked to write, I couldn’t have ADHD.

Another related feature of ADHD overlooked by the diagnosis manual is Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) where, as Price described it, “rejection becomes so debilitating you literally feel like you've been punched in the gut.”

--HAHAHAA. FUCK.

Hallowell even coined his own companion term: a phenomenon he calls “recognition sensitive euphoria.” In the same way that mild or merely perceived criticism and rejection can cause a person with ADHD to wilt, the smallest forms of encouragement and recognition do wonders to motivate them.

--YEP.

Another under-researched symptom, Matlen said, is sensitivities to sound, touch, light, smell, or taste, with a higher tendency to be overwhelmed by sensory stimulation.

-- God. YEP. I wish it weren’t the case. Better still is I’ve become worse with age. FML.

It feeds into the myth that kids with ADHD are a result of bad parenting with disruptive behavior that’d be quelled through discipline. But actually, evidence suggests that punitive parenting can make the symptoms of ADHD worse.

--My parents were insanely strict. This... This is a Whole Story.

There’s no shortage of ambitious, successful people diagnosed with ADHD. But the general public doubts the legitimacy or seriousness of their disorder more, precisely because of their achievements.

--“How can you have gotten a bachelors and MA with ADHD? Impossible!” How? A fuckload of panicked assignments and a good amount of crying.

“ADHD is not caused by the world today. The world today has just created a situation where people with ADHD cannot cope,” said Quinn. It's true that technology has led to a modern life with more distraction, information, demands for multi-tasking, and higher academic and professional pressures than ever before.

--Technology is the best and worst thing in the world

Their symptoms don’t visibly disrupt theirs or others' lives enough, until a change in lifestyle gives them more responsibilities that trigger the ADHD or make it more apparent.

--Oh fuck me, I’m feeling really seen rn... I’ve wondered why it has gotten progressively more obvious and have had my theories... This was among them.

They find strategies, jobs, environments, the right partners, and create circumstances to help mask their ADHD. But there's usually an eventual breakdown, typically brought on by significant changes to lifestyle demands.

--HAHAHAHA FUCK.

What Hallowell hopes his patients understand is that, yes, living with ADHD can be hard. But the brain trait can also influence resilient, resourceful, curious, creative, intuitive, innovative, outside-the-box thinkers who are at the top of their field and represented across all areas of interest.

What hinders people with ADHD most is a world that’s ill-prepared to help their best qualities flourish, both in school and the workplace.

What you want to learn is how to maximize the blessing and minimize the curse,” said Hallowell.

How to maximise the blessing and minimise the curse:

A support system to provide encouragement and affirmation

Identifying your talents and a job that caters to them

Positive, stable emotional connections, especially with partners who complement your ADHD

A creative outlet, even if it’s just a hobby

--IDK GUYS. I JUST FEEL SUPER SEEN RN.

#adhd #overshare hour with spikey

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advrik · 5 years

Text

What the Nintendo Switch Means to Me

As I sit here in my kitchen in order to keep a close eye on the ground beef and sausage as it browns in preparation for dinner (it's spaghetti night), I have been working it out in my head how and why my gaming habits have changed over the years and how I ended up championing the Nintendo Switch and nothing else.

And then it hit me.

But before that, I would like to delve just a little bit into my gaming past that, at least in my head, makes sense why I am the way I am today.

It started in 1994. My grandmother got me the OG Gameboy+Zelda: Links Awakening bundle for Christmas. Pretty awesome, right? Finally game console that I could call my own. But it didn't end there, for Christmas Eve night my older brother passed on his three year old SNES to me as he was moving out in the new year and wanted it to remain safe. I was ecstatic. Here I was, seven years old and suddenly in possession of a Gameboy AND a SNES. A handheld and console, two separate entities that played two different types of games.

Now leading up to Christmas that year, I was regularly using my brothers (former) SNES and has asked Santa for the Super Gameboy for Christmas, so I could play some of my brothers old Gameboy games that has been lying around the house. I got one and still own it to this very day, but it was reviecing the Gameboy as well that likely lit the flames for what would become my modern day gaming preferences.

Being able to play Links Awakening both on the TV in my bedroom and in the big comfy recliner in the living room was amazing, and while it didn't tickle me as anything more than just playing a video game at the time, in hindsight it was where it all began.

Time went on and the Gameboy Color happened, and while I did enioy the majority of Pokémon Red on my SNES and on the go with the red Gameboy Pocket, I lost out on playing gen 2 of Pokémon and many, many Gameboy Color exclusive titles, including two Harvest Moons, on account of just not being able to get a GBC.

Fast forward to the Summer of 2003. I am in possession of a Gameboy Advance after having received one from my parents for Christmas in 2001, which was just like having a SNES in my hands. It was incredible, but I longed to be able to play the likes of Mega Man Battle Network and the Breath of Fire 2 port on my TV.

Enter the Gameboy Player for the Gamecube.

This thing was a godsend. It played everything! Gameboy, Gameboy Color, Gameboy Advance, you name it. It existing had, albeit satiateing it for the time, form the need for a hybrid console. One that didn't require two components, but was a single piece of hardware that easily hooked up to the television without additional peripherals and consoles.

The Gameboy Player served its purpose perfectly and had seen much use, particularly in those times when I was wanting to watch something on TV or had gone on trips, but didn't want to miss any time spent on my farm in Harvest Moon Friends of Mineral Town.

I have for much of my life been a console gamer. I preferred the console experience over the smaller handheld experiences on account of how scaled back they tended to be in scope and gameplay. But as I aged, and I can pinpoint exactly when this transition started, my preferences in how I played began to change. Namely with the advent of the 3DS which gave console-like experiences in compact form and my getting a job in early 2014. I was finding myself increasingly agitated with the PS3 and Wii U games that I played, leaving many unfinished because I was feeling like I was wasting my time doing just this one thing and nothing else. My time had become limited due to work, and I was falling behind on movies and seasons of TV shows.

The pick up and play nature of handhelds jived with what I was becoming. I could be watching a movie and put the 3DS down halfway through, then pick it up again towards the end. Not for any particular reason, but just because I could. I didn’t get this ability with home consoles, and it annoyed me more and more as time went on.

Things really hit a low point after I got my PS4 in 2015. I was buying games left and right because, I’ll be honest, it had a lot to offer and catered to my interests. But you know what? I wasn’t finishing anything. At one point I had around 30 games for it, with only a fraction of them having been completed. It was crazy agitating. I couldn’t focus on anything, partly because I was constantly thinking about what I could be doing instead of trying to finish this game. My anxiety was getting worse, not just because of my gaming habits mind you, but they contributed. Here I had this huge stack of games that were unfinished with no desire to play them because I couldn’t focus.

There was a point in 2016 where I went a solid 6 months without playing anything on my brand new PS4, instead choosing to focus on reading outside. I felt enlightened. All the while, I had my New 3DS XL and Animal Crossing New Leaf on me, which I would pick up and play here and there between chapters. It was magical and really made me wonder what my gaming future looked like if designated consoles were on the way out for me. Was I going to give up on gaming entirely? It definitely felt like it.

Enter Nintendo once again.

Being utterly disappointed with the Wii U and feeling like the 3DS had reached its peak. I was unsure of where they were going next, but the rumors of a console that was either to have both a handheld and a console version or design that was hybrid in nature sounded very promising, but with the support Nintendo had lost during the Wii U era, what exactly could I expect on such a device.

October 2016 saw the reveal of the Nintendo Switch; A hybrid handheld home console that could be played at home on the TV or on the go on a big, beautiful 720p screen. It was everything I could have hoped for all these years. A culmination of not only their stellar console exploits, but also their handheld department which had given the world the most therapeutic game in the world.

Was I finally going to get the console experiences that I craved in a handheld form factor?

I can definitely say yes. Yes. Yes. A million times yes!!

The big reveal event in January 2017 spilled all details, setting the stage for a March 3rd 2017 release. I was ecstatic! I stayed up until 3am to nab a pre-order on Amazon, then headed out to Gamestop the following morning after only 3 hours of sleep to wait in line for the doors to open so that I could be first in line to get a backup pre-order in the event that something happened to my Amazon order.

The wait for the release was agonizing, but when the day finally came and I took off that weekend from work, it was amazing. Spending time with Breath of the Wild and Super Bomberman R are some of my favorite recent gaming memories.

The concerns over what kind of support it might see didn’t last long, as third party devs saw the success and positive word of mouth revolving around Nintendo’s hybrid machine and started spitting out releases and announcements left and right. I knew I was putting all my eggs in one basket, but I just knew that I was making the right decision. I could feel it, this was going to be big.

I sold off the majority of my PS4 games, and gave the console and the few Resident Evil games that stayed behind to my sister. It was a tough decision in the end, but I don’t regret doing so at all now. Having to keep up two consoles would have just added to the stress and anxiety that just keeping my PS4 around was causing, so I did - as I always do, no matter how painful - what was best for myself, my mental state and my wallet and did away with the PS4.

Now more than two years later, 100+ Switch games finished and my collection growing what seems like weekly with games I never imagined I’d see on a Nintendo console or even re-released in this day and age. To put it lightly, the Switch and its form factor has been an absolute blessing and one I would not give up for anything in the world. Nintendo combining their handheld and home console ventures into one was brilliant idea and one I hope they don’t ever, EVER backtrack on.

In the time since this all unfolded, I’ve modded my dock so that I never have to remove my Switch from the Satisfye Pro Grip, meaning that there’s no extra steps between removing my Switch from the dock and slipping its grip on. It’s magical and has further increased my ability to just pick up and play, something I hadn’t seen since the days of the OG 3DS and its charging cradle.

So thank you Nintendo, and especially thanks to Satoru Iwata for brainstorming this beautiful device that the technical wizards of Nintendo saw through with and made a success, because without it, I can say most confidently that I would not be playing games today had it not happened.

#Blog #Written #Nintendo #Nintendo Switch #Story #Nostalgia #History

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eponymous-rose · 6 years

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Talks Machina Highlights - Critical Role C2E19 (May 22, 2018)

Tonight’s guests are Travis Willingham and Matt Mercer (both in human and pillow form)!

Pre-show is blessed by a Tess Fowler original!

Announcements: Critrole.com is the new website, there’s a new partnership with Stack-Up and some fun merchandise associated with that (see website for details!), hardcover comic will be on sale on May 31 (see website for details!), the Stream of Many Eyes will be featuring most of the cast starting on June 1 (see... website for details? okay, no, it’s on the WotC website), Travis wants to be a red panda in the next Honey Heist (I... don’t think that’s on the website), there’s now a Talks Machina Instagram account that will feature behind-the-scenes stuff (you know where to go).

@critrolestats for this episode: last time two player characters fought each other in the main campaign was episode 99 (feat. Jon Heder’s character), the Mighty Nein has collectively earned over 6,250 gold since the campaign started, and the party has given Pumat Sol 5,030 gold since they met him, a substantial amount of which went toward Caleb’s paper and ink.

Matt’s Jester voice gets brought up again, and Brian points out that he’ll probably have to cover for Laura for a bit going forward. Matt: “That’s if Jester survives...”

Travis: “We’re just going to have the baby and put it on the table and that’s going to be our new mini.”

If Fjord had lost the gamble with the Gentleman, he would’ve taken the money but mostly just would’ve been appreciative that he was brazen enough to make the gamble. It was a test to see how the party adjusted, how they held their own. Matt: “Everything with him is very much a power dynamic game and trying to read whoever he’s talking with. That’s how he got where he is today.”

Fjord’s been very cautious when it comes to asking questions about the things he needs to know about his backstory, and that might change going forward. Travis is very aware that as soon as he figures something out, Matt will throw him a curveball. Matt points out that every story will have a different pace of unveiling, based in part just on pure geography and where the party happens to be at any given time. He mentions that Fjord’s backstory is a little more complicated than some of the others. Travis is delighted to actually not know some big parts of Fjord’s backstory (including the identity of his warlock patron), and Matt talks about what a gift those backstory gaps are to a DM, because it establishes both investment and the opportunity to surprise the player.

The fight scene in the Leaky Tap was mainly just meant to be flavor and establishing that locales are dynamic and evolving, a little different each time you walk in. Travis: “Taco Tuesday.” Brian: “Sacrifice Saturday.”

Gif of the Week: steeple vs. staple is an important distinction.

Matt had four or five different possible story hooks prepared for the party based on where they decided to go. Brian points out that Matt generally has his contingencies covered; Matt explains that a lot of it isn’t very detailed but lends itself well to getting fleshed out later. He also talks about the balance between leading the narrative (to keep players from being overwhelmed) and providing the open-world feeling.

Fjord is “a little bit... kind of... somewhat” relieved not to be going back to the Menagerie Coast. There’s some unfinished business he’s not sure how to confront yet. Matt: “Expertly danced around.”

Matt didn’t intend for Fjord to take the “devour” thing literally. Travis makes a lot of faces about that. Matt points out that it made for a very cool visual. Brian: “Yeah, deep-fjoat.” Travis is a little concerned the next weapon may be a mace.

Travis was disappointed not to get to find out what was going on with the orc, but he was determined not to metagame it. He’s hoping Molly and Yasha bring it up again.

Liam and Sam put together a whole list of cons Nott and Caleb have at their disposal; they haven’t even showed the list to Matt.

On the goblins, Matt mentions: “There are reasons why they were there. None that came to light or were investigated fully.” A history check may have discerned where those goblins came from.

Fanart of the Week: Yasha’s necrotic shroud.

Travis’s big reaction over Nott’s backstory was when he started to realize what she was looking for from Caleb. From Fjord’s perspective, he has a massive sense of empathy and compassion for Nott after that reveal; there was a lot in what she was saying that Fjord recognized. He’s looking forward to talking to her about it later.

After building so much, Matt loves the backstory reveals because they really exemplify the players’ chance to make it a true collaboration and do some creative building of their own.

Matt was not expecting Yasha to tell Trent she was from Xhorhas. “Oh, you just made yourself real interesting.”

Travis went back and watched Caleb’s backstory scene at Liam’s urging (they enjoyed the scene as it played out, but when it unexpectedly got as intense as it did, Liam wished the rest of them had been there to enjoy the reveal; it also avoids having to repeat all the information verbatim in the future). It worked in the spirit of experimentation, but in the future they’re probably going to limit it to shorter scenes at the DM’s discretion.

Matt: “I feel that anything is capable of deep evil, and anything is capable of deep good.” Brian: “So for you, evil isn’t a permanent characteristic in that regard.” Matt: “Yeah.”

Travis: “I didn’t think there was any hell deeper or hotter than shopping... and then I went to the library with Caleb.” Brian: “If you cut out everything in the episode that bored Travis, there wouldn’t be much left.” Matt: “Oh, I’m never catering to this motherfucker.” He points out that they’re still finding the balance there as well; he hasn’t had a character in a long time that’s actively trying to research everything in the world around him, but they’re looking for solutions to prevent in-game info dumps.

Talks Machina: All The Stars Of Critical Role Are Out Tonight

Travis got asked “would you like to rage with that?” by a Starbucks barista. He’s embarrassed that he had “non-cool groceries” with him at the time. A debate ensues about what exactly would constitute cool groceries.

Matt talks about going through the TSA checkpoint and one of the agents telling Sam “Right this way, Mr. Shorthalt.” Taliesin had a metal pepperbox gift from a fan in his bag that he forgot to check, and the TSA guy said, “It would be Percy, wouldn’t it?”

On pricing magical items, Matt uses his judgment about the item’s relative usefulness to somewhat arbitrarily pick a value within the suggested price ranges for that rarity in the DMG.

Matt has had extremely vivid dreams of himself wandering around Exandria on several occasions, and always feels warm and fuzzy afterwards. One dream about the Age of Arcanum heavily influenced his designs.

In a melee fight, Fjord would be most interested in fighting either Caleb (as the only one he’d be likely to beat) or Yasha (to get his ass kicked).

Favorite bad decision snack? Travis is all about shaved ice and Oreos dipped in peanut butter. Brian’s weakness is Cheeto Puffs and animal crackers dipped in cake frosting.

Travis does the Jester voice with the little Jester doll, and Matt pounces on it as the solution for Laura’s upcoming absence.

Matt won’t comment on what the jerky was actually made of. Dani: “Maybe they’ve also tasted baby.”

Brian tells a story about beef jerky. Matt: “Brian... you may be my favorite supervillain.”

#critical role #critical role spoilers #talks machina #talks machina spoilers #long text post

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