#find the bright spot

[nessie31]

Why is it that the best days can also be some of the hardest emotionally?

I guess because we know they won’t be like this forever. And I know that sounds so depressing and morbid, but when you start seeing the writing on the walls it’s hard to erase it away.

I’m going to say the thing I shouldn’t say. The thing I’ve been avoiding voicing out loud or putting into writing. Because if I don’t say it, I’m going to fucking explode.

I love C.

They aren’t mine and I know I shouldn’t, but I do. I think I always have. I know I did back then and I was too scared to admit it. Scared of what it would mean. Scared of being turned down. Scared of messing up things for both of us.

But God, if I knew then what I know now, things could have been so different.

I don’t regret things; I hate regretting things. Cuz there’s no point. Regrets don’t change anything. They can’t fix what’s been done.

But God do I regret that. I think we both do.

Why is it so damn hard to get things right?

I know they say everything is clear in hindsight. But it feels like I’ve been doing nothing but making very permanent decisions and getting them wrong at every fucking turn.

Don’t get me wrong, I like my life. I am contented.

I’m sure if I go back through these posts I will find another one, or more than one that have these tones and thoughts. But after shit with T yesterday and the conversation between C and I after today, it’s got these thoughts all messed up in my head.

So much of this I’m editing to protect the corrupted, so it’s hard to really get out exactly what I want to say and what I feel.

I wonder if they’ll ever read this. If I’ll ever be brave enough to share it. Probably not. Not without desperation. But either way I don’t think I could do that to them.

What purpose would it have? It won’t change the way things are. The only thing it can do is cause hurt if they feel the same and uncomfortability if they don’t.

I doubt they’d read it anyway….

Okay, moving away from dark thoughts because that gets me nowhere. Focus on today was good. Like, really good.

I didn’t realize how well C listens and pays attention to what I want and like and ask for. I figure most of our conversations were just fun, meaningless except to play.

I learned today how wrong I was.

C listens, and takes in everything. Just waiting for the perfect time to use it or show it.

God today was good.

I wonder if I can get them to do it again this week.

I’m gonna finish this before I get all mushy school girl.

[ofthirtynine]

BARBIE (2023) dir. Greta Gerwig

[smallidarityfan]

*oc-ifies smallidarity's lore child* wait what who did that

[mer-se]

I could cry

[sysig]

I wasn’t using that heart anyway it’s fine (Patreon)

[revillagenews]

[wellhalesbells]

the thing that fucks me up about rereading instructions for dancing is trying to pinpoint when it is that derek becomes obsessed with stiles and realizing the answer seems to be always. from the beginning. the moment they met. that poor bastard. he probably should have tried to be a little nicer about it, though, saved them both some hardship.

I think it slides so quickly from fear and annoyance that Stiles will steal Scott away to 'Oh no, oh fuck,' I'm not even sure Derek knows himself. Poor guy hamstrung himself by starting out with the 'I'm going to scare him away' mentality then wondering where the hell that went and trying to find it again through almost every subsequent interaction (while something so much bigger and so much worse - Derek's Thoughts™ - completely eclipsed it). Meanwhile Stiles also helps cultivate Derek's dickish-ness by assuming that original motivation to be his only interest in him at all, essentially until the moment Derek tells him he's in love with him.

Which is hopefully why it seemingly comes out of left field for Stiles and the reader, because that's what I wanted.

[articskele]

ROM MY FRIEND ROM :D

[bunnymajo]

…so uh.

On the bright side I don’t have to pinch my pennies so much for a few weeks and maybe even not feel guilty about buying extravagancies like *reads notes* food.

Maybe I can even buy something fun for myself again. Looking forward to that.

[pbchocmint]

Imagine how dream would know all of hobs dreams and still fall in love with him. Pls and with how in love hob was and how he had probably not only had good dreams about dream but also nightmares about smth happening to him like imagine

[divorceblogger]

guys we used to have lanfear played by natasha o’keefe

[toasted-valentine]

@pyrotechnicarus was right, that tv can fucking glow.

[starbuck]

my brain’s song associations are truly on another level… i got a song from a random musical stuck in my head earlier and it’s honestly probably the only thing that got me through the day so thank god, but i could not for the life of me figure out WHY i’d suddenly remembered it, only for one line in particular to pop up in my mental soundtrack and i realized that that PARTICULAR line had apparently reminded my brain of the song because it associated it with a random unrelated anecdote i read on tumblr when i was half-awake this morning that has nothing to do with it whatsoever. Fantastic stuff.

[myname-isnia]

Uploading the Three Musketeers edit that I mentioned in the tags of my last post bc I spent 40-60 minutes on it and sacrificed all of my tablet storage space and I’m very proud of it

[seeminglydark]

It's not so much an ask but I did want to say (especially as the void is otherwise fairly quiet today) that I have been reading your comics and enjoying them immensely. Both in that they are well made with interesting plots and beautiful illustrations, and also that the content is extremely meaningful to a lot of people -myself very much included. I wish I had come across your work earlier. I wish I could send some of it back to myself at points in the past when I was having a really rough time with a lot of things. I wish I could send you some of the love and appreciation I have for what you do, past just writing you a little note.

But I'm afraid a little note is all I can do for you right now, so in it I would like to say that you have brought warmth and hope and comfort to many people with what you create and we are very grateful for it, for you, to be writing what you do and sharing it with us. It's okay to have an off day and feel bleh, everyone does now and then, but I don't want you to think for a minute that what you share isn't worth sharing, that it isn't loved and appreciated, that it isn't helpful, useful or meaningful to anyone because it really, really is.

I may not be the best writer and I don't know if this will convey well what I want it to, but I wanted to say it and I hope you understand it, and remember:

You are not what your anxiety thinks of you.

Thank you for reducing me to tears in a good way. I wish I had the presence of mind to be more eloquent in reply. I deleted my little vent post cuz I felt embarrassed crying in tumblr tags, you know? It's hard to reach out to friends sometimes, especially when I can't articulate what's actually wrong, and sometimes I just need to get my bad thoughts out of my head and into somewhere else (tumblr tags i guess) . I can't believe someone actually thought to take time out of their day to sit down and write something so kind.

All I can really say is Thank you. So much. I hope you know how much it means to me. It means the world to know the things I make mean something to you too.

[nerice]

god im thinking again abt. malenia turning caelid into a scarlet rot wasteland and it was absolutely not what she intended. fighting and being prepared to kill radahn is one thing but they were too evenly matched, leaving her either no other choice but to unleash scarlet aeonia/it happened beyond her control because the goddess of rot would not let her champion die, functional empyrean or not (i always always think about malenia whispering smth to radahn in that final moment. she knew what was about to happen..) but malenia is not about destruction!!! conquest, sure, for miquella's sake but the age of unalloyed gold is built on ideals of peace and equality, especially for the afflicted, the outcasts. unalloyed gold is beauty and flowers and dreams. not whatever the scarlet rot turned caelid into,,,, and sure sure demigod slumber/malenia having to be carried back all the way to the haligtree sanctum and the timeline is extremely unclear (it is implied she only wakes up when you enter her boss room) but i also like the idea of her. giving up on it all. defending the empty womb of miquella's tree, again, sure, but going out and securing territory? beating back her siblings? after what happened with radahn, what she did to radahn...... + the implication of the next time she goes into god slumber she will emerge as goddess of rot / fully an avatar of an outer god; not only was her twin taken from her, leaving her with no choice but to await his return tm, the battlefield is also taken from her because does she really want to chance that happening again? h.