#my dad and I have talked about going to Iceland to see them he loves them too

[mer-se]

I could cry

[jamietarttsnorthernattitude]

Back on my Jamie Tartt bullshit

Five times Jamie asked someone about their Dad, and one time someone asked about him.

Roy

“What’s your Dad like?” Jamie asks Roy one day after an early morning training session. Jamie is warming down and stretching. They had been talking about the upcoming Manchester City game. It was a home game for the Greyhounds and Roy had asked him if he had heard from his prick of a father. Jamie told him he hadn’t since Wembley six months prior.

Roy raises his eyebrows at him.”He’s fine.”

“He’s fine? What the fuck does that mean?” Jamie says to him thinking he shouldn’t be surprised, it is Roy after all. “You never talk about him.”

“You don’t talk about your Dad,” Roy counters.

“Yeah, but me Dad’s a dick. You already know that.”

Jamie was trying anything to get his mind off the upcoming match against Man City. The team had been playing like shit since the loss to West Ham. Even with God’s gift to those that have everything, fucking Zava, they still couldn’t buy win.

Higgins had assured Jamie (and Roy, multiple times) that James Tartt, Sr. was banned from Nelson Road but he still wasn’t relieved. The fact that his Dad hadn’t texted or called him asking for tickets had freaked Jamie out even more. He should be happy his Dad hadn’t called, but instead it just made him more weary wondering if he was about to jump out from around every corner instead.

“I don’t really know my Dad well if you have to fucking know,” Roy admits, but there’s no heat behind his words. “He was always working while I was growing up. My Mum too. Grandad was the one who picked me up from school and all that shit. Made me dinner, helped with fucking homework and put me to bed. He was more of a fucking Dad to me than my own was. Then I went to Sunderland at nine and haven’t spent much time at home since.”

Well that’s depressing Jamie thinks. He always asks people what their Dad’s are like. Jamie never knows if it’s masochistic if he wants to hear about these great Dads other people have or if he’s looking for someone to make him feel better about his own shitty Dad. Usually, whatever the answer is just makes him feel depressed in one way or another.

“But your Dad, like, came to your matches and shit?”

“Yeah, once I played at Chelsea. Bragged to all his mates when we won the Champions League in 2012, didn’t he. And when I played for England. Wouldn’t talk to me after we lost to Iceland in the Euros in 2016 for like a fucking month though.”

“To be fair, who loses to fucking Iceland? Even the Mighty Ducks beat them for Christ’s sake.”

Roy gives him a look. They had made their way through the Mighty Ducks Trilogy during a trio of away games. The team agreed D2 was the best of the series. Sometimes Jamie wishes Gordon Bombay was his Dad. He would be sick at hockey if he knew how to skate.

“He ever come to a Richmond game when we played together?” Jamie asks him.

“No, he doesn’t even live in fucking England anymore. He fucked off to Marbella after my Mum died, bought a fucking strip club.”

“A what?” Jamie asks, laughing.

“Yeah,” Roy rolls his eyes and explains. “Sold the fucking posh house I bought them like two weeks after she died and moved there. He’s only even met Phoebe a handful of fucking times. He was pissed at my sister for getting pregnant. Probably has talked to Ruth even less.”

“Your Dad sounds like a dick,” Jamie tells him.

Jamie loves Phoebe. She’s smart and funny, especially for her age. He doesn’t understand how any grandparent wouldn’t want to see her. If he ever has kids, his Mum will probably demand to move in so she can spend more time with her grandchild. Anyone who doesn’t want to spend time with Phoebe sounds like a floppy cock to Jamie.

“How come you never told me about him?”

“Cause I talk so much about my fucking feelings for people?” Roy counters which, fair enough. “Besides, you kind of cornered the market on shitty Dads.”

“I guess I just can’t help being the best at everything,” Jamie says, Prince of Pricks smile on his face, pretending like he doesn’t care about his own Dad, like he doesn’t feel bad for Roy, too. Roy knows better now. He knows Jamie always puts on a smile or a grin, makes a joke or says something cocky when talking about his Dad. But Roy knows the real Jamie, the one that cried in his arms after standing up to his father for the first time. The. Jamie who flinched at his hug because he’s used to pain rather than comfort coming from the older men in his life.

Jamie knows his Dad takes the prize for bad father of the year, but it doesn’t mean Roy deserves the Dad he had either.

Dani

“What’s your Dad like?” Jamie asks Dani. They’re on the bus on the ride home from Rebecca’s father’s funeral. Jamie glances down at Dani’s feet, clad in Rebecca’s slippers and feels relief for his friend’s feet. He can’t wait to get home and take off his own shoes, maybe call his Mum, confess to her how he professed his love for Keeley. Try to relieve himself of some of his guilt.

“Mi Papa? Oh Jamie, he is wonderful. You would like him a lot I think.”

“That’s good muchacho,” Jamie says to him, truthfully. Dani is always so cheery, he isn’t surprised that Dani has a great Dad. No one as happy as Dani could grow up with the type of Dad that Jamie had.

“I am very happy to go home for a few weeks once the season is over,” Dani tells him.

“Oh yeah, that’s good,” Jamie adds. “You must miss them when you’re here.”

“I do, sí. But we talk on the phone each day. Papa and mi Mama are very proud. My sisters, tambien. I am very lucky.”

Jamie agrees, Dani is lucky. Clenching and unclenching his right fist unconsciously, thinking of a few weeks earlier when he saw he last saw his Dad at Wembley. Dani would never punch his Dad. He doubts the Dad that Dani described would ever do something worthy of being punched, would ever lay his hands on his own child.

“You are amigo,” Jamie tells him, happy that Dani’s has a Dad worthy of the kind and caring striker.

Sam

“What’s your Dad like?” Jamie asks Sam when he hears that Ola is coming to visit his son in a few days.

“Oh, he is amazing,” Sam tells him, smiling.

Jamie smiles back at him. He’d always been a little jealous of the younger man’s relationship with his Dad. The Nigerian loved his father enough to name his restaurant after him, Jamie wouldn’t name an unflushed poopy after his father. Jamie witnessed numerous phone calls between Sam and his Dad. Sam is always smiling and laughing, telling him how much he loves him. Jamie can’t remember the last time he told his Dad he loved him, can’t remember the last time he would’ve meant it.

Sam’s Dad was everything Jamie wished his own Dad was. Supportive, loving, not a fucking nightmare. Sam’s Dad seemed like Jamie’s own Mum, didn’t care that their sons were Premier League stars, only cared if they were happy. Ola and Georgie would probably get along very well. Jamie feels a swell of guilt. Neither would be happy the way Jamie treated Sam two years before. Jamie has tried to make amends to his teammate, starting with the Dubai Air boycott and Jamie planned to keep making amends to his Nigerian friend.

“Oh yeah?” Jamie says back to him, not sure what else to say.

“He is very wise. Very funny. He always tells me to follow my instincts, and to trust in the universe” Sam continues. “The universe will provide, he says. Did I tell you he bought bitcoin in 2009?”

“2009, swear down? You were still in diapers then,” Jamie ribs him.

“Jamie, you are only three years older than me,” Sam tells him seriously. “But the universe told me to stay in Richmond last year, and look at us now. I know this is where I am supposed to be.”

Jamie says a silent prayer to the universe for Sam remaining in Richmond. Even Jamie Tartt can’t disagree with the universe.

A few days later, when Sam cries into his Dad’s arms in the changing room, Jamie can’t help but think of the last time someone’s Dad was in their changing room. The last time ended with Jamie’s fist connecting with his face. Everyone looks around awkwardly, the silence much the same as it was in the Wembley dressing room. Jamie feels helpless watching the scene unfold, the way his own teammates felt the year before.

Sam cries in the comfort of his Dad’s arms, while Jamie cried in Coach Kent’s arms. Sam’s Dad brings comfort, his own brings pain. Sam’s Dad brings support, his Dad gives criticism. Ola and James could not be more different. In some ways Sam and Jamie also couldn’t be more different, and each encounter is stark in their differences, but both young men are seeking comfort. Ola gives it freely, easily, while James just causes heartbreak and fear, pushing Jamie to seek comfort in others.

The next night when they’re at Ola’s helping cleaning up the mess, Jamie smiles when Sam walks in with his Dad. The big man cooks for them, appreciative of the way they care for his son while he’s so far from home. Jamie chats with them while they cook, thinking maybe he should ask Simon to teach him some of his recipes. Jamie is glad his friend has Ola for a Dad. Sam deserves a Dad like Ola.

Beard

“What’s your Dad like?” Jamie asks Beard, watching the older man hold his baby daughter. They’re at a cookout at the Higgins house, a few weeks before the season starts. Vera, Beard’s almost year old daughter giggles in his arms as Jamie tickles her.

“Apathetic,” Beard answers. Jamie still isn’t quite sure how to talk to him but it’s gotten slightly easier. Beard is different without Ted, more his own person than an extension of Ted. Still weird as fuck but Jamie appreciates the weirdness now. He’s trying to be more curious than judgemental. Jamie understands Beard is a man who has lived many different lives. The newest one being father.

“Right okay,” Jamie says unsure, so he turns instead to Vera the pitch of his voice raising as he asks, “And what’s your Dad like?”

Vera giggles.

“Didn’t really know him,” Beard admits. “My parents divorced when I was around 2. He disappeared after that.”

I wish my Dad fucking disappeared, Jamie thinks. It would’ve made his life a lot easier. Made his Mum’s life a lot easier.

“That’s shit,” is what he says to Beard instead.

“I’ve met your Dad, Jamie,” Willis says to him. “It’s shit but better than what you had to deal with.”

“Yeah,” Jamie says, making silly faces at Vera.

“But Vera,” Beard says to his daughter in the type of voice one only talks to babies with. “Is going to be have a much better Dad, aren’t you mi lady?”

Vers giggles in agreement. Good, Jamie thinks. Vera deserves the Dad that Beard wants to be for her.

Simon

“What’s your Dad like?” Jamie asks his step-dad. It’s Father’s Day night and he’s at home in Manchester, visiting Georgie and Simon. Mum had gone to bed early, but Jamie was too wired to sleep. He’s on the sofa when Simon came back downstairs and sat with him, silently watching television with him.

Jamie’s 19, he just left his own Father’s flat, after he passed out drunk. James had guilted Jamie into taking him to a fancy dinner, where he promptly ordered the most expensive scotch on the menu and told the kindly waiter to keep them coming. Jamie barely got him home before he passed out. Jamie snuck out while he slept and instead of going to his own flat, he just wanted to see his Mum. He hated Father’s Day, he always wants to make it a second Mum’s Day as one day is never enough.

When Jamie was younger, before his Dad started coming around, he always hated Father’s Day. They had to make cards in school and Jamie, with neither a Father, Grandad or even an Uncle to make a card for was always made fun of by the other kids when they saw his hastily made card with Happy Father’s Day Mummy scrawled across the front.

But then his Dad started to show up again, didn’t he. Expecting cards and love like he didn’t dole his own love out with insults and bruises. And it’s always been easier to do something with his prick of a Dad then deal with the consequences if he doesn’t. His money makes it easier now, Dad is happy with an expensive gift and a steak, he doesn’t have to put in the effort or the same time he did before he was being played to play football.

Jamie is a dutiful step-son though, and always wants to make his Mum happy, so he’s always gotten Simon a Father’s Day gift but he was saved from having to spend the day with him as Simon goes to see his own Dad. Not that his own Dad would’ve allowed it.

“He’s a lot like me, I guess,” Simon tells him. Jamie’s met the man a couple times, and saw him at the wedding, but he doesn’t think he’s really talked to the man. “At least that’s what my Mum used to say. Two peas in a pod.”

“Was he a teacher too?” Jamie asks.

“He was a principal,” Simon tells him. “Even was my principal when I was in primary school.”

“That must’ve been tough,” Jamie says, he can’t imagine being around his Dad every day in school.

“Oh not really,” Simon tells him. “We walked to school together everyday, it was nice.”

It strikes Jamie how different he is from Simon, their upbringings, their interests, all they have in common sometimes he thinks is loving his Mum.

“I’d go mad if I had to see my Dad fucking everyday,” Jamie tells him, internally wincing at the f word. Simon never chastises him for swearing but Jamie knows he doesn’t like it.

“Your Dad is a different sort, Jamie. I’m lucky to have a Dad like mine. Yours is lucky to have a son like you,” Simon says to him, smiling sadly. “I’m lucky to have a son like you.”

Son, Jamie thinks bitterly. Wants to spit back he’s not his son but holds his tongue. What would he be like if Simon had been his Dad and not his prick of a father? Or married his Mum when he was 6 and not 16. Jamie probably wouldn’t be nearly as good at footie, but would he be happier? Simon’s been his step-dad for a few years but Jamie’s never thought of the man as a father, or even in a father role. Simon is perfectly nice, perfectly fine. He makes his Mum happy so that’s good. But he’s kind of just there. Jamie hasn’t thought of Simon as more than his mother’s husband.

But Simon just called him son. Simon who always cooks for him when he’s home and tries his best to make whatever fits in his nutrition plan or whatever Jamie requests of him. The same Simon who asks him about all his football matches even though he knows he doesn’t like or understand the game. Simon who does his laundry when he’s home and drives Mum to any matches she wants to go to. Usually ones they know his Dad won’t be at.

Simon, who the few times they’ve been in the same room just took James’ insults rather than say something back and make a scene. At the time Jamie thought him a pussy for not responding in kind to his father. Now Jamie thinks that’s his father’s voice saying it in his head rather than his own. It made his Dad so angry when Simon ignored him, something Jamie now understands is a choice, a message, even more so than any retort back to James would be.

“I guess,” Jamie says to him, shrugging, wondering why he’s never really let Simon in. He wonders if he has the father he deserves after all.

+1

Jamie looks down at the newborn baby in his arms, David George Tartt, and can’t keep the smile from his lips.

His son starts to fuss a little, Jamie rocks him back and forth, softly singing “Baby Tartt, do do do do do do, Baby Tartt do do do do do do, Baby Tartt, do do do do do do, Baby Tartt.”

The baby settles quickly and Jamie whispers to him, “You remember your Dad singing that while in your Mummy’s tummy then yeah Little Davey?”

“I can’t believe he’s finally here,” his wife says to him, an exhausted smile on her face while looking at the picture perfect image of her husband and their son.

“He’s perfect,” Jamie says to her, not taking his eyes off his baby boy.

“Of course he is,” she laughs. “He looks just like the pictures Georgie showed me of you as a baby.”

His Mum is going to lose it at the sight of her sexy little baby holding his own sexy little baby. Georgie and Simon are on their way, probably breaking all sorts of traffic laws. Jamie can’t wait for his son to meet his Gigi and Grandpa.

“You think so?” Jamie asks her. The swell of brown hair and grey eyes certainly favour him.

“I do,” his wife says. “And I already know he takes after you if all the kicking he did to my insides is any indication.”

Jamie turns to smile at his wife, a new level of love for her building that he didn’t think was possible. He had no idea what childbirth was going to be like, but watching his wife through hours of labor, he has a new respect for mother’s everywhere, and in particular his wife and his own. Jamie walks over to sit on the edge of the bed next to her.

His wife wraps her arm around her boys, laying her head on Jamie’s shoulder.

“Little Davey is so lucky to have you for a Dad,” she tells Jamie. “And I’m lucky to have this DILF for a husband.”

She kisses him on the cheek, then turns to place a hand on her son’s tiny chest, feeling the steady rise and fall as she gazes at his perfect little face. “And how do you like your Dad, little man? You are a very lucky little boy. Your Dad is the best man I know. He’s funny, and sweet, he’s loyal, and giving, and he’s going to be the very best Dad. Already is.”

Jamie would be lying if he said he hadn’t freaked out numerous times during the pregnancy. His own father had been absent, at best, and abusive, at worst. He knew from stories that James Tartt, Sr.’s own Dad had been similar. But everyone in his life, including his Mum, his wife, Roy, Simon, Doctor Sharon, even Ted, had assured him that he could break the cycle. And if Jamie was certain of one thing, it’s that he would. Jamie Tartt is going to be the father that his son deserves.

[apersonwholikeslotus]

This is technically from a wip game i was tagged in months ago but I feel like talking about wip's so (im not doing the tag part i just left the rules so y'all know whats up)

Rules: Reveal the titles of the documents in your WIP folder and tag as many people as there are documents. Let others ask questions about the ones that interest them and post snippets or explain the contents as you see fit!

The Bookseller & The Florist - The NedAme fic i've been posting, title is pretty explanatory even if you haven't been reading it.

The Ex - a week or so after Icelands birthday they're throwing a pseudo party for him in Dublin. Feat. Romano going "????" bc him and Norway are absolute opposites but Ire used to date Nor? and is now dating him?

Memories - A Spain fic that exists as two paragraphs and a very vague idea, i want to write for it i just don't know,,, how,,,,?

After the Fall - Germania and family finally heading back North after Odoacer overthrew Romulus Augustus, mostly family centered fluff/some internal-ish angst on Germania's part. (nightmares that he won't talk about, and leave him feeling isolated)

Natalya in Constantinople - title is a placeholder that's a joke off Emily in Paris. Belarus living in Constantinople before it falls, a lot of character/family tree building, less actual story if that makes sense.

Sons of Henrik - Early viking age, All of the Central Germanics/Anglo-Saxons have converted to Christianity and 'abandoned everything we were taught'; Denmark and Sweden feel like their family has turned their backs on them as well and they're angry about it. Norway is very conflicted on exact feelings, arguing that their recently deceased Father (Germania) wouldn't want infighting in the family. Nothing really gets solved. (Inspired by some guys Quora rant about the Saxon Wars triggering the Viking Age, not sure if they're actually connected at all but it was interesting to read at least.)

Scandals - Roderich and Antonio are married, Erzsébet is involved with both of them. It gets out, and nobles love to gossip. (another one of the less fleshed out ones but still)

Father - Brandenburg and Germany get into a fight; mostly centered around a legitimate "your not my dad" feeling. Brandenburg snaps and accidentally tells Germany "well Gilbert wasn't either!" cue Ludwig's entire world crumbling as he finds out his entire family has been lying since he was born.

[every-marveler-ever]

Thai, Koalas and Aurora Borealis

Domaystic Day 31 | @domaystic | Midnight Snack

All Caps Bingo Round 1 | 🤷 @allcapsbingo | “This made me think of you.”

Marvel Rare Pair Bingo Round 2 | 📪 @marvelrarepairbingo | Iceland, Northern Lights

Sam Wilson Bingo Round 3 | 🪶 @samwilsonbingo | Tony Stark

masterlist :: (ao3 link)

RATING: General WARNING: Lots of laughter, Endless questioning

Peter has many questions for such a little guy so Sam humours him with a late-night snack, though some people might not refer to reheated Thai food as a snack. | Sam Wilson/Tony Stark

domaystic 2023 | acb 🤷 round 1 | rpb 📪 round 2 | swb 🪶 round 3

“Sammy?” Peter asks in the adorable way he likes to ask preparing his dad for multiple questions at a time, “What’s the Aurora Borealis?” Peter asks, whispery as the 6-year-old only just lost his first front tooth. 

Sam smiles tossing the stir fry in the pan, re-heating the leftover thai food, and thinking over his answer, it wouldn’t be nearly as good of an answer as Tony would give but he could figure something out. He takes his time watching the pan before being assured and turning back to Peter, “It’s a pretty, natural, light show which shows splashes arts of colour in the night sky,” he smiles hoping that satisfies the younger man. Clarifying he adds, “It’s fades of blue, purple and pink.” 

Nodding along Peter seems engaged with the explanation but Sam already expects the follow-up question, “where is it? Daddy says it’s really far away so we can’t go visit, but my teacher said the polar bears could see it.” It’s funny watching the way that Peter looks around the room as his train of thought changes, swinging his small legs on the bar stool. 

Rolling his eyes Sam understands Tony’s answer but it is not exactly true, and Sam promised that he would always tell Peter the truth, “we could go see it, they can see it in Australia and your Dad has been there for work before so it isn’t completely outrageous.” Peter’s mouth rolls open at the shocking news that they could see it.

“That’s where the koala bears live right? I guess that makes sense why my teacher was talking about polar bears,” Peter reasons out loud and Sam laughs, “but a koala isn’t a bear, dad says it’s a marsupial.”

Sam has to hand it to the kid he definitely has his father’s smarts, but he hopes that he has left a lasting impact on Peter, even just as ‘Sammy’ or ‘daddy’s boyfriend’, or the guy that is reheating thai food at midnight because he can’t resist Peter’s puppy dog eyes.  

There is a lot of laughter to be had when Sam and Peter are together in the kitchen if it’s 11 pm or 10 am. Sam and Peter love the kitchen, it is the time they get to bond between the two of them, Sam working behind the island and Peter swinging his legs from a bar stool on the other side. Tony while not a fan of the kitchen loves to observe and hear the laughter that his two favourite people have inside it. 

Like right now as Tony can hear the loud giggling from his son and the encouragement Sam is given making hot chocolates and encouraging FRIDAY to put on Disney’s Princess and The Frog to go along with their midnight snack. It makes Tony smile knowing Peter is taken care of, Sam puts his finger on his lips gesturing the Peter as he sees Tony walking in. 

“What are you still doing up so late mister!” Tony sneaks up on Peter tickling his sides to encourage even louder laughter from his son, “I vividly remember saying goodnight to you at dinner time,” Tony makes a pointed look towards Sam. Sam just shrugs in response a smile stays on his face watching Tony and Peter together, father and son. 

Peter doesn’t stop laughing and giggling, now because he knows he’s been caught and it makes him excited. He attempts puppy dog eyes at Tony but it doesn’t seem as genuine as the ones he used on Sam at bedtime. It’s easy for Sam to respond happily, “Mr Peter here thought that if Daddy,” Sam gives a pointed look to Tony, “got to stay up all night then why couldn’t he.” It is a good reason but the look that Tony gives the thai food that Sam is preparing says otherwise, “I thought I would make us a midnight snack, maybe you need some too,” Sam pushes one of the plates towards Tony, he made 3 for a reason. 

Tony just rolled his eyes, “he tricked you with puppy dog eyes,” and this time the pointed look is directed at Peter, who is choosing at this time to look especially cute, platypus plushy tucked into his arms.

Sam nods defeated, “of course he did.” 

Nodding Tony knows the pain that Peter’s puppy dog eyes have on people, him especially, and the only one it can’t trick is Pepper, which makes sense after dealing with Tony for so long. Tony picks Peter up from the bar stool and Sam follows along with Peter’s plate of thai food in his hand.

Peter is happy to sit on the couch with his platypus plushy, an ironman pillow, and his thai food, Tiana listening to her dad read them princess stories playing on the TV. 

“Why thai this late,” Tony asks knocking Sam’s shoulder as they sit back down at the island, far enough that they can see Peter, but Peter can’t hear them, “I thought you would make him popcorn, or cookies, so late at night, especially with a hot chocolate.” Sam shrugs happy to just watch Peter be happy and see as he slowly tries to keep himself awake by eating more. 

Sam thinks it over because he really has no reason, other than the smile it brings to Tony’s face when he sees it and can watch Peter have that same smile on a smaller scale. It’s an adorable response, one that can rival Peter’s “it made me think of you,” he hugs Tony, arms wrapping around his partner’s waist, “I’ve missed you.”

Tony loves Sam and loves the way that Sam spends time with Peter when he’s away, Sam really is his better half. Tony kisses Sam’s cheek, leaning back into the embrace his partner is giving, “I missed you too.” Being away, off and on is, unfortunately, Tony’s line of work and since Peter, he does it a lot less and always makes sure not to come in between Sam and missions, but coming home is his favourite part of being away. He gets to come back and see Sam’s happy demeanour and Tony’s favourite boy’s largest smile in the world, even if he just comes up from the lab. 

Smiling Sam reveals the other things that they had been talking about that night, finishing by saying, “I think we need to take a trip to Australia.” Tilting his head Tony is vividly confused, “any reason why?” Sam takes a beat before looking over to a sleepy Peter and Tony’s vision follows.

Tony rolls his eyes turning back to face Sam, Sam admits, “Your son has suddenly taken an interest in the northern lights and koala bears and there is nowhere else you can get both.” Tony laughs kissing Sam’s cheek, “you just should have told him they were in Iceland.”

Shrugging Sam smiles, “I didn’t want to ruin his dreams.” They both fall into ridiculous laughter as Peter falls into sweet, sweet dreams. 

Tony organises Peter’s birthday present the next day, 3 tickets to Australia.

Cards: (🤷 3/25) (📪 1/25) (🪶 2/25)

[lietpolski]

Denmark, 0! (I'm so glad they added an all option!)

!!! ok here we go :D

1) what would their social media page/activity be like: i've discussed this w/ a friend but i think denmark is the most technologically capable after sweden! i think on twitter he's a little more professional (but he loves rting feel-good stuff) BUT he shines on insta. it's full of artsy pictures of the danish countryside and embarrassing videos of him and his friends on his stories :,)

2) what animal they remind me of: i don't care that it's predictable that man is a puppy!!!! manga denmark is a golden retriever but anime denmark is a yippy chihuahua with that fucking voice

3) my thoughts on their design/aesthetic alone: LOVE!! i think his canon outfit is really nice compared to.... whatever the other four are doing!! his hair is dumb but it's dumb /affectionate /i love him

4) physical headcanons: i got a few! he's an early bird!! and a light sleeper. physique-wise he's the second tallest nordic and he has BIG ass arms (an axe was his main weapon so!! makes sense to me!) he has a huge sweet tooth + he loves pastries!! but his favourite is whatever norway bakes because he's a softie :) as for actual food.... this man survives on sandwiches hot dogs and beer. get well soon x

5) social headcanons: denmark is the nordic with the most friends outside of the group!! finland comes close, because everyone loves finland and he has estonia & hungary, but i think denmark's outside friendships are more involved! a strip that really stuck with me is one during the denmark-norway period, where he goes to the netherlands and asks him to give him the buddy price on weaponry and ned agrees despite how he usually is :,) within the group, i see him as having an older-brother-but-kinda-dad relationship with iceland. sweden and him are close now and they're just the brothers who had a fallout but now r coping by insulting themselves jokingly (only when they're a few drinks in sometimes it's not a joke). he and fin only became close in later centuries but their personalities are super compatible so they're great friends!! and he and norway... oughghhg you're talking to dennor lover #1 here HAH to me they've been basically on-and-off in love for 1100 years or so :,) i'll go more into it in a future post so i'll stop here but!! yeah!!

6) psychological headcanons: i feel like i covered most of this in my denmark analysis!! but hm yeah for me his greateast fear is for sure isolating his family again. and despite how carefree he acts, i think he weighs his decisions very carefully because of what happened in the past when he didn't. i think he's actually really good with dealing with anger in modern day (he's had a lot of practice) but he regrets how he used to be before. speaking of before!! i love to think abt him from the viking era to approximately the late 1500s just... cocky bloodthirsty denmark is really fun to explore and i think people should play it up more instead of making him p much as sweet as in modern times! i dont think he wouldve been anything like that to anyone but his family and own people (also animals btw this guy loves animals 100%)

7) ship(s) with them that i like or at least consider: in terms of like... my version of canon i'm a dennor soloshipper i think :,) BUT i find denmark/norway/finland/sweden fun to think about!! also denmark/estonia is a rarepair i think is veryvery cute. and some classic nedden never hurt anyone!

8) made-up connections with other characters that weren't in the canon (friends, enemies, whatever): yes!! estonia as i just mentioned! he was danish land once and he's a nordic fanboy now so they have to have some kind of relationship! also prussia; i know they do have the whole awesome trio thing going on, BUT i think historical denmark & prussia is not spoken about enough. the 2 were on the same side all the time back then!! finally i find it really funny if he and poland get on each others nerves HAH again because of historical reasons!

9) headcanons about their past: again covered a lot of these already but!! here's one that's a little different. denmark was the first to become christian, and i think he would've annoyed the fuck out of norway and sweden (who were still norse pagan) about it! sometimes it just got him exasperated eye rolls, sometimes it got him beheaded, yk how it goes

10) content about them I'd like to see more of: anything i love denmark sosososo much more iceland & denmark content!!! i adore norway & iceland don't get me wrong but they for sure overshadow ice & dan when it comes to familial dynamics and it's a shame! also i think a lot of the historical content focuses on the viking era, the fall of the kalmar union or 1814, and i'd like to see more of him in the 1500s-1700s!! he was up to interesting stuff!!

[slowjamastan]

What do you think of sufin and what are your squicks when reading a fic about nordics?

kissing you on the lips im going to rant so much

SuFin is my everything

theyre my bread and butter and toast and jam and all the other things on top idk powdered sugar etc. changed my LIFE that my middle school yaoibait fandom straight up got told by word of god himself that One Guy (who is normal fr this wasn't one of the ones who is always naked or sm) was madly unequivocably and eternally in love with That Other Guy. this was such a big deal for me and still is lbr

SuFin is peak they are my bella and edward this is my thenotebook. AND they are canonically not together and over the years ive seen a pattern of fans who are either familiar with actual swedish-finnish relations or doing research into them concluding over and over that finland would not seriously go for sweden, outside of AUs or jsut bending canon bc they really want them together (valid.......)

i love when fin is holding grudges or uncomfortable with the implications of seriously pursuing a relationship with his former (current, culturally?) oppressor so they try to keep it casual and Fail Severely, OR, my #1 favorite dynamic, Finland is fully a straight man who is like "soz but we can be friends bro lmao" and calls sweden homophobic slurs behind his back (but no one else is allowed to but him, obviously). (this is for my personal funnyvalue and ive rarely rareeeeely seen this. im right tho.)

other than that last thing basically i think its very good if they Are mutually in love but logistics and politics and realism and everything keeps them apart or maybe just closeted about it. but they have shared custody of the dog and the kids etc and have couple fights that are more serious than most but are the most steady and happiest couple on the planet overall. soulmates Real. i love sufin its good in every flavor really ummmmmmmmmmm except hyperukefied finland

thats a good lead in to part 2 of this question actually

Nordic Fic Squicks / please stop doing this, im gonna read it anyway, but still

th's k'nd' typ'ng st'le...... y'kn'w wh't ' m''n

denmark and sweden r always angry and trying to beat each other up... we read the same comic, right? theyre buddies now cmonnn

the dynamic that's like DenNor, SuFin, and Iceland is alone 4evr

WHEN THE DENNOR + SUFIN GROUP DYNAMIC UKEFIES NOR AND FIN UNTIL THEYRE BASICALLY UWU GORLS... stop imposing hetero dynamics on gay ships i will Kill You. at least do it to everyone equally...

somewhat related, my ideal nordic five dynamic is Everyone Is A Divorced Dad and iceland is making fun of them on TikTok. second best dynamic is SuFin real, then Den + Nor are amicably divorced and iceland is their shared custody grown child making fun of them on TikTok

^iceland would not use tiktok he is a euphoric intellectual freak

when they make just norway a girl for no reason. babe, no one even draws nyo!norway that well...you're just projecting your desire to be fought over by hot buff men onto this poor dude. stop making me see this. you fucks have been doing this for over a decade.

ignoring history in canonverse. when ur writing modern present-day anything they have all known each other for like, ever. why would they act like they've just met..??? im not asking for tons of research, just awareness of who these characters are, like, at all

please just write the puffin out. no one rly likes him i prommy

scandinavian trio being Weird and Tense around each other in modern day. i disagree SO much, these guys would be hilarious

not realizing that smack halfway between nor and ice's birthdays is (give or take a few days) denmarks constitution day... himaruya......

overreliance on stereotypes. this is a general hetalia complaint

can we talk about the human names ive been dying to complain about the human names!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! just a little bit ill keep it to a minimum

tino isnt a feasible finnish name berwald isnt a good swedish name a lot of the common popular other ones get misspelled or just sound bad, and u cant just give them christian names for their early lives im sooooo serious give them old norse names pre-baptization pleaaaassseeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

somewhere deep in my #post tag i ranted ab my old name timeline for each of them but ive changed my mind a few times since then

for finland im a Timo truther and i have been forever

sweden is such a björn but also i like when his name at least starts with ber- .... but yall r so right when u said bjorn he does deserve that

im also a norway changes his name every few years truther. i think its funny and that he would do that

denmark is a magnus, period, formerly a magni, and this is my hill to die on

iceland makes me insane i change my name hc for him every so often but i have a few first and lasties for him for make me HOUUUGH like SoS turned me on to hrafnsson as a surname which makes me go insane now. im also a changes his name frequently truther for this guy but in a more nuanced way than nor does it

ran out of things to complain about but more will hit me later im sure, thank u for coming to another aphws ted talk by andy. MWAH

[babymetaldoll]

Danger Days- Chapter twenty one: “Faith (when I let you down)”

Word count: 16,4K

Summary: Meet Joey's parents! the band is excited to know more about their friend, and she is mortified to think Gerard can do something embarrassing in front of her family. Would he?

Warnings: Smut 💜 cursing.

A/N: Guess who is getting some in this chapter... Also, I wrote Joey's mom based on Gloria, from Modern Family. Also, brennivín is Iceland's signature distilled drink.

Masterlist

Chapter one | Chapter two | Chapter three | Chapter four | Chapter five | Chapter six | Chapter seven | Chapter eight | Chapter nine | Chapter ten | Chapter eleven | Chapter twelve | Chapter thirteen | Chapter fourteen | Chapter fifteen | Chapter sixteen | Chapter seventeen | Chapter eighteen | Chapter nineteen | Chapter twenty | Chapter twenty one | Chapter twenty-two | Chapter twenty-three | Chapter twenty-four |

--

::: Seattle, April 3rd, 2011 :::

There was a loud yell at the airport. It was impossible to ignore it, and it was followed by a woman in high heels running to a gate and wrapping her arms around Joey tight. Her mom.

- "Ay! Dios mio! Te extrañé tanto mi amor! (Oh my god, I missed you so much, baby)"- she nearly shouted and kissed her daughter's forehead, holding her tight.

Mikey raised an eyebrow and looked at the scene, thinking he hadn't pictured Joey's family right. Her mom was clearly more latina than he had ever imagined. And loud. Very loud.

- "Hola mamá (Hi, mom)"- the young woman managed to say, as Mercedes kept holding her tight.

- "I missed you so much, mi bebé hermosa! (my pretty baby)"- and kept kissing her cheeks.

- "Where's dad?"

- "I'm guessing I'll have to wait another half hour to say hello to my daughter"- Mr. Sigmundsson said, chuckling.

- "Faðir!! (Dad!)"

Joey's dad wrapped his arms around his family and sighed. The girl felt a knot in the middle of her throat as her parents hugged her. They were the most important people on earth for her. She had made her best not to think about how much she missed them, only to avoid getting sadder than she had already been for the last month or so.

- "And where are your friends? I am dying to meet them!"

Mercedes's Latin accent hadn't faded a bit ever since she moved to the States, over thirty years ago. She was a happy and cheerful woman, who had left her home country to have a better future, and who had never been afraid to work hard and put a smile on life.

Shortly after her arrival, she met her husband in New York, and the Icelandic fell head over feet in love with her in the first ten minutes of conversation they ever shared. He had never met someone with such happiness and energy to live before. He knew he was going to love her forever and that all he was ever going to pursue in life was to make her happy every day. And so far, he had.

After they got married in New York, they moved to Seattle 'cos Sveinbjörn was offered a job as an architect in a local firm and settled there ever since. It had been hard for him to feel he couldn't make his wife happy giving her a baby, but after adopting Joey, their little family had felt complete. Both of them were so proud to see how far she had made it, they couldn't control the tears when they saw her on television, playing at a festival in Valencia.

- "If you let me go, mom, maybe I can introduce you"- Joey joked and moved from Mercedes, giggling. She took a look around and saw the band staring at the scene. She wiped off the tears and kept chuckling.

- "Hello"- Mikey waved with a dorky smile. Both Mercedes and Sveinbjörn smiled and looked around them.

- "Guys, these are Mikey, Jamia, Frank, Ray, and Gerard"- Joey said and took a deep breath- "Guys, meet my parents."

- "It's so nice to finally meet you!"- Mercedes opened her arms and hugged Mikey, nearly tackling him down- "My baby talks so much about you all!!"- and she hugged Frank next, who chuckled and hugged her back- "Welcome to the family!"

- "Gracias (thank you)"- Ray answered, hugging her too

- "Ay mi vida! Tú ya eres mi favorito!! (Oh! sweetheart, you are already my favorite!)"- Toro smiled and felt his cheeks blushing.

Mercedes hugged Gerard, and he looked at Joey's serious expression. She didn't like it, but she couldn't stop her mom from being herself. She was too loving and too expressive. She was like a hurricane of love. Mr. Sigmundsson shook everybody's hand.

- "Jamia is my friend and Frank's wife"- Joey blushed, thinking she had introduced Jamia as her friend. She was her friend. It was a fact. She just hadn't actually said it out loud before. She wasn't very good with girlfriends, but J was something completely different.

- "Hello honey! Oh! these babies are so adorable!!"

- "It's so nice to finally meet you!"- Mrs. Iero said smiling- "Joey talks so much about you!"- which wasn't a lie technically, but only because Jamia kept asking her about her family over and over again. Both her parents chuckled and looked at the bunch.

- "And Matthew?"- Mercedes asked, and Joey quickly answered.

- "He is coming on another flight."

- "But he will be here for brunch, right?"

- "Yes"- the drummer smiled- "Of course, last night he was talking over and over about how excited he was 'cos you were cooking, which made me feel a little insulted. I try my best in the kitchen."

- "Are you guys coming for brunch with us too?"- Sigmundsson asked

- "Sorry, we've got some press to do in a while"- Mikey was honestly sad they couldn't go.

- "Then you can't miss dinner"- Sveinbjörn's words weren't really a question. His Icelandic accent made him sound tougher than he actually was. Well, he was tough, tall, big, blond, but with a warm smile.

- "No... we won't"- Mikey hesitated only 'cos he felt very threatened.

- "We are having a barbecue with our friends, and you are all invited after the show."

- "Of course, we'll be there"- Gerard answered and nodded with the deepest excitement. This was his chance to make amends with Joey. He could be the nicest guy with her family and win her back. Or at least win her friendship back.

- "Ok, kids, let's pick our bags"- Joey looked around and clapped- "We are in everybody's way here."

Mercedes wouldn't stop hugging her daughter as they reached home. She had a huge brunch ready for her, with all her favorites. Owning a bakery, she made sure to make all of her baby's favorite pastries. Joey's morning sickness hadn't kicked yet, and she was scared to start puking before telling her parents about her pregnancy. And she was waiting for Matthew to tell them. She couldn't do it alone; she had never been more afraid to drop such huge news to her family like that day.

- "Your friends are so handsome!!"- Mercedes shouted from the kitchen as Joey sat with her dad at the table

- "Mom! Come eat with us!"

- "In a second, mami! I'm waiting for the kettle!"

- "She has been up since six in the morning making breakfast"- Sveinbjörn whispered, and Joey chuckled- "So please, for Christ's sakes, eat everything on this table."

- "I'll make my best"- Joey smiled and tapped on her dad's hand a few times.

- "And when is Matthew going to be here?"- Mercedes asked as soon as she sat at the table.

- "Mom, you haven't seen me in months, and you are more concerned about Matthew than about me."

- "I am not!"- Mercedes quickly replied with a smile- "I just miss him too! He is gonna be your husband. He is my son too! I want to see him... and maybe get a few spoilers of the show"- Joey burst out laughing as she heard her mother and grabbed a cinnamon roll.

- "I made two batches of those because I know you love them. I also baked you a truffle cake."

- "Mom, I love you so much!"- the drummer took a big bite and looked at her parents- "Now, tell me everything there is to know that you haven't told me on the phone."

To be honest, there weren't many things Mercedes hadn't said to her daughter on the phone, 'cos she called at least three times a week to keep her updated on anything and everything. But she was so excited to talk with her, she just kept talking, until the bell interrupted her and she nearly ran to answer.

- "Hijo! (Son!)"- they heard her yell as Gubler stood at the door

- "You know, your mom won't shut up about Matthew. She tells everybody you are gonna marry Dr. Reid"- Joey looked at her father and bit her lips- "I swear, she tells random people wherever we go, most of the bakery's customers know already."

- "Maybe she wants to marry him..."- the girl teased, and Sveinbjörn frowned.

- "Look who is here!"- Mercedes yelled as she walked into the room.

- "It's a mystery mom, we haven't heard you yelling his name for the last five minutes."

Matthew chuckled at Joey's words and walked over, leaving his bag on the floor. Sveinbjörn walked over and welcomed him with a big hug, tapping on his back.

- "Welcome home son, how was your flight?"

- "It was good, real short"- Matthew smiled and looked at Joey. The girl smiled at him, blushing, as he slowly walked to her and kissed her shyly, a small peck on the lips.

- "Oh, come on!"- Mercedes argued- "I get more tongue from my butcher!!"

- "Mom!!"- Joey shrieked, embarrassed- "Please!!"

- "I'm just saying..."

- "I don't wanna make out with my boyfriend in front of you!"

Matthew turned to the young woman and raised an eyebrow. So she hadn't told them they were over, that was brand new information.

- "What I do want is to have breakfast 'cos I am starving, are you hungry?"- she asked Gubler, and he cut her the shiniest smile on earth.

- "Starving!"

- "Mom baked cinnamon rolls."

- "I love you, Mercedes."

And Mrs. Sigmundsson jumped excitedly. She had never been as happy as she was since her daughter had found a nice man and was about to marry him. Well, that's what she thought, and no one had told her otherwise so far.

- "And how is everything going with the wedding plans?"- Mercedes asked after half the food on that table was gone, and Joey felt she couldn't eat for the rest of the day. Matthew sipped his third coffee and looked at Joey, waiting to know what she would answer at that.

- "We haven't done anything related to the wedding"- she simply answered- "I've been too busy with the tour, so... we'll worry about that later."

- "Worry about it later?!"- it was like Joey had slapped her mother on the face- "Mami! Por favor! You only get married once! You should be taking care of every detail!"

- "Maybe later, we haven't even set a date, so... how's Tabitha?"

- "She is coming tonight with the kids. Rob is still overseas."

- "What does Robert do for a living?"- Matthew asked, just to avoid going back to the wedding conversation, knowing Joey was freaking out inside. If she hadn't told her parents, maybe she was scared to do it. Maybe she didn't know how to do it. Maybe she didn't want to do it.

- "He is in the military. He has been in Afghanistan for almost ten months now."

- "Shit!"- the actor answered, surprised.

- "Yeah, it's very hard for her and the kids. She has basically raised them on her own."

Joey felt sick to her stomach that second. She bit her lips and ran from the table, rushing to the bathroom. Matthew looked at her and slowly stood up to follow her, excusing himself.

- "Hey"- he whispered and held her hair as she puked, rubbing her stomach.

- "So..."- she managed to say- "I didn't tell them we broke up."

- "It's ok, I don't care, do you feel ok?"

- "Yeah...."- she sighed and flushed. Matthew looked in the cabinets for a mouthwash.

- "Thanks... you are an amazing puking sidekick"- she joked, and Gubler chuckled.

- "I'm gonna add that to my resume"- Joey smiled and sighed- "Do you wanna tell them about the baby now?"

- "Well, I just rushed out of the table to puke, I think we should"- the actor nodded and held her hand tight, looking sweetly at her.

- "Do you want me to tell them?"

- "Something like "I knocked your daughter up"?"- she chuckled, and so did he

- "Well, they think we are gonna get married, it shouldn't be that bad... right?"- the girl closed her eyes and narrowed her eyebrows as she remembered that other issue.

- "Shit, this will make telling them we won't marry so much harder."

- "Ok, one thing at the time, ok?"- Gubler stood in front of her and rested his hands on her waist, slowly and carefully.

- "Ok"- the girl answered and took a deep breath, staring into his eyes, feeling how the rest of the world slowly vanished. It was just the two of them in that bathroom, and the rest of the universe didn't exist. He moved delicately a few inches closer and landed a kiss on her forehead

- "Let's pop the good news, and we'll see it from there, ok?"- Matthew's smile made Joey's heart swell, and her lips curled in a smile right away- "Ready?"

- "As ready as I'll ever be"- Gubler opened the door and held her hand tight again.

- "I'm right here, Yami"- he whispered and cut her a quick, shy smile.

- "What happened?"- Mercedes asked as soon as the couple reached back to the dining room- "Do you feel ok, mami?"

- "Yeah, mom..."- Joey smiled and held Matthew's hand tighter- "I'm ok..."- she made a long pause, not knowing how to continue with that sentence. Gubler turned and kissed her temple sweetly, making her shiver as she closed her eyes.

- "We do have exciting news, and we were waiting to be here with you to tell you"- he said and wrapped an arm around Joey, holding her other hand tightly on her belly.

- "What is it?"- Sigmundsson asked, frowning

- "I'm pregnant"- Joey whispered, and a thick and long silence hung between them as both her parents stared at him blankly.

- "What?"- her father asked as Mercedes stood up and covered her mouth with both hands.

- "My baby!! My baby is having a baby!!"- Mercedes ran to hug the two of them at the very same time- "I can't believe this!! I thought I couldn't be happier!! Oh my god!! We need to celebrate!!"

- "Mom, stop yelling in my ear"- Joey argued and smiled- "So you are happy about this?"

- "I am so happy!! Hija! Me vas a hacer abuela!! (you are gonna make me a grandmother)"- Mercedes kissed her daughter several times before turning to Matthew, grabbing his face with both hands and kissing his cheeks.

- "Mi amor! (love!) I can't believe this! You are gonna have the cutest baby! We are gonna have the most handsome grandson! 'Cos I know he is gonna be an hombrecito!! (a baby boy)"

Mercedes left Matthew to put a hand on her daughter's belly.

- "Si ya tiene hasta pancita! (She already has a little tummy!)"

- "Dad?"

The young woman turned to Sveinbjörn and held her breath for a moment. He had tears in his eyes as he stood still, staring at his daughter.

- "Dad?"- she asked again, but the man didn't move.

- "I think your father is in shock."

- "Pabbi, er allt í lagi með þig?? (dad, are you ok?)"- the girl walked slowly over and held his hand- "Pabbi? (Daddy?)"- but Sveinbjörn didn't answer. He just hugged her tight and sobbed.

- "Ég elska þig, dóttir (I love you, daughter)"- he whispered and kissed her forehead- "Now you come here."

Sveinbjörn opened his arms to Matthew, who slowly walked over and smiled.

- "I love you too, son! Thank you for making my baby happy."

Joey's eyes filled with tears as she heard his words, thinking it would be heartbreaking to tell them they were over. It would be heartbreaking to tell them she would be a single mother, that Matthew had cheated, that he had broken her soul and destroyed her heart.

- "I love your daughter, Sveinbjörn. I'd do anything and everything to make her happy."

Even Gubler had tears in his eyes as he felt Joey's dad hugging him. He felt like the shit for breaking her heart. He had never loved anyone as much as he loved her, and now he felt caught in the middle of a lie. He had to get her back, no matter what.

- "Now, let's toast!"

- "Dad! It's... noon"

- "Perfect timing! Elskan! (darling) Our daughter is giving us grandkids! We have to celebrate!"

- "I'll bring the brennivín!"

Mercedes and her husband ran to the kitchen, and Matthew wrapped an arm around Joey. She was still sobbing, and he knew how guilty she was feeling, so he held her tight against his body and kissed her forehead a couple of times sweetly.

- "I love you so much, everything is gonna be ok. I swear."

- "How?"- she whispered

- "They are happy about the baby."

- "They'll hate me when when I tell them we are over."

- "No, they are gonna hate me for letting their daughter down"- he whispered, his puppy eyes locked in her, nearly pouting. His lips were a few inches from hers, and all she wanted was to kiss them.

- "Do you want to tell them right now?"- but she shook her head.

- "No, no... I can't..."

- "It's ok"- he kissed her forehead again, whipping the tears from her eyes sweetly with his thumbs, and whispered.

- "We'll think about that tomorrow, today we are gonna be happy, ok?"- she nodded and took a deep breath.

- "Thank you"- she whispered and bit her lips, making her best effort to stop crying.

- "It's the hormones"- Mercedes said as she walked over the couple smiling- "You are gonna be so emotional, now tell me everything! How many weeks?"

- "Eleven tomorrow"- Matthew quickly answered as Joey smiled, eyes still teary- "Wait! I've got a sonogram picture so you can meet our bean."

The soon-to-be mother looked at the scene and sighed. Her dad gave glasses to everybody, including a glass of Dr. Pepper for her, and toasted in their baby's name. Matthew got the sonogram, and Mercedes broke into tears again. Her parents kissed him and hugged him so many times, Joey felt like crying forever, to think how much they loved Gubler. And how much she loved him too.

It was a very strange day for the band, 'cos all of them were pretty eager to get to know Joey's family. After knowing she was adopted (Frank told Jamia just to make sure she wouldn't mess up and ask too many questions), they were pretty intrigued by the weird Icelandic/Latin mix going on in that house and how different Joey was from her parents.

Frank had disappeared with Jamia to the dressing room to feed the babies, while the band waited to start the soundcheck, Gerard was making plans about all the things he wanted to do that night: he was going to talk with her dad, help her mom in whatever she needed, be nice with her relatives and surprise her with his charming self. Lynz was going to be with him the next day, and if he wasn't going to have another chance to fix everything with the drummer, he was going to make his best that night.

- "Whatever it is that you are thinking, for Christ's Sakes, don't do it"- Ray lit a cigarette and stood next to Gerard at the arena parking lot.

- "I'm not..."- Toro turned to him and raised an eyebrow, interrupting his friend's words- "I'm just thinking I can be nice."

- "Nice? Not your creepy "I love you" nice, right?"

- "What? No! I've way passed that!"

- "You've spent one day away from her, one..."

- "One step at the time"- Gerard smiled innocently and sipped his coffee.

Ray shook his head and sighed. It's was stupid to think Gee wasn't going to pull out a scene that day in front of Joey's family. It was even more obvious knowing Matthew was going to be there. He just wished he could stop him before he actually fucked things up, again, for everybody.

- "Ok, see you in a bit"- Mikey hung up the phone and turned to his brother and friend- "Joey, Gubler, and her parents are on their way, please don't do anything stupid."

He was straight with his older brother, not even trying to sugarcoat it.

- "And don't be a jerk with Matthew either."

- "Why are you both treating me like I am a fucking child?"- Gerard argued and frowned, turning to his brother, completely annoyed- "And why are you still defending him?"

- "'Cos Joey loves him. Not you, him"

Mikey was being especially hard with his brother that day, mostly because he was sick and tired of his longing, sad and miserable face.

- "Shit! Ok! I got it! Joey doesn't love me"- Gerard was annoyed. He put out his cigarette and lit another immediately- "Can you kick me down in the ground and spit me now?"

- "Look, I love you; you are my brother. But so far, you've acted like a fucking psychopath with her, and it's time for you to face it. Now we are with her family, and whatever happens, I don't want you to fucking make a scene. I don't want you to make her hate you even more 'cos I hope to keep working with her for the rest of the tour. So for Christ's sake, be professional, get it?"

Mikey looked into his brother's eyes blankly and waited a few seconds before he actually replied.

- "Got it"- Gerard answered and looked away.

- "Good."

The silence after those words was annoying. Neither of them knew what to say, so they smoked, looking at their feet, avoiding eye contact.

- "Can we stop talking about this shit? Forever?"- Gerard whispered, scratching his eyes- "I know I've been a psycho, and I know I fucked it up, I've been irresponsible and unprofessional. I just wish you wouldn't rub it on my face the whole time."

Ray and Mikey looked at each other, feeling slightly guilty.

- "And I know trying to have sex with her when she was intoxicated was the worst shit I've done in my life. And I still can't properly apologize to her 'cos she won't talk to me, but please, can you stop reminding me I've been a fucking psycho? I mean it."

Gerard's eyes filled with tears and his voice cracked at the end.

- "Gee, I can't tell you it's gonna be ok or whatever, 'cos you really fucked it up with her"- Mikey walked a step closer and wrapped an arm around his brother's shoulder, bringing him closer, as the singer tried his best not to cry.

- "What I can tell you is that I know you are a good person who just made a mistake, a colossal mistake."

- "And you can fix it, just apologize and act human, ok?"- Ray reassured and nodded at Way- "It was obvious this was going to happen when Gubler got here, it's the consequences of your acts, but it doesn't have to get worst."

- "What happened?"- Mikey turned to Toro.

- "Matthew hit him yesterday."

- "Joey told him?"- and Ray nodded- "Why?"

- "No idea, I haven't talked to her today, and I am actually kind of embarrassed to ask."

Mikey thought about it and shook his head. It wasn't his business why her friend had decided to share with Gubler her worst experience with Gerard. But he knew she wouldn't have told him if it wasn't for an important reason. She wouldn't have told him if she didn't trust him. Again.

Mercedes was so excited she could hardly speak. And that was a new level of excitement, considering she was the most chatty person anyone had ever met. She and her husband walked into the venue, looking around as Joey and Matthew led the way, hand in hand, finger intertwined, on their way to the dressing room. It was already five in the afternoon. Their schedule was: soundcheck for around half an hour, get something to eat, and then play the show.

The Sigmundsson had everything ready for their barbecue back home, and they were expecting the whole band to join them. Neither of them was going to accept no for an answer.

- "Hey guys!"- Joey said as she opened the dressing room's door and found Frank and Jamia with the babies, sitting in the lounge area, drinking coffee.

- "Hi!"- Jamia quickly stood up and hugged Joey again- "And hello, Gubs!"

She smiled wide as she saw her friend holding Matthew's hand and hugged him too, thinking everything was better between them. Frank barely nodded at him as Matthew waved, smiling. But no one actually noticed the cold war between them. Actually, just coming from Iero. Gubler was being his adorable self.

- "Where's the rest of the band?"- Mercedes asked- "I brought some brownies to share."

- "I told her we got tons of food, but she insisted"- Joey excused her mom, but Frank quickly rushed to get the dish and grabbed two pieces.

- "Don't mind your daughter. We are never going to reject a brownie..."

- "And how was your day?"- Jamia asked, holding Lily. Joey walked to the other cart and grabbed Cherry, kissing her cheeks over and over again, making the baby giggle

- "We found out we are gonna be grandparents, and we are so happy!"

Mercedes answered with a huge grin, almost jumping on her spot like a little kid. Something no one would ever think about doing, considering the enormous high heels she was wearing.

- "Look at her, papi! She is such a mom already!"

- "Congratulations!"- Frankie said, his mouth full of brownie and his lips covered in chocolate- "These are so fucking good."

- "Thank you! I made them myself. It's a family recipe"- Mrs. Sigmundsson answered proudly.

- "Mom owns a bakery"- Joey added.

Mikey, Ray, and Gerard walked into the room that second and froze for a moment, staring at the scene. Joey held her breath, and Matthew held her hand tighter, knowing she was freaking out.

- "Hello!"- Mikey Way was the first to react and smile- "I didn't know you were here already!"- he shook Mercedes and Sveinbjörn's hands and turned to Matthew- "Hey, Gubler!"

His greeting was so friendly it even shocked the actor for a second. Was everybody part of the friendly, loving act in front of Joey's family? Or were they actually being nice to him 'cos they wanted to support her?

- "Hey Mikey!"- and they hugged, tapping on each other's back. Joey chuckled, thinking it was surreal, as Gerard looked away, rolling his eyes, already annoyed.

- "Mom brought home-baked brownies"- Frank announced, making Mercedes smile even wider. He called her mom. He was now her favorite.

- "Give me!"- Ray walked over and grabbed the dish. The drummer walked to her parents and felt her dad's arm around her.

- "So tell me more about your friends"- he said to his daughter, and she stuttered for a moment.

- "I... I... what... What do you want to know, dad?"

- "Have they all been nice to you?"- he said loud enough to make sure everybody in the room heard him, though he was just talking with his daughter.

- "Ja pabbi (Yes, daddy)."

- "Which one is the one guilty of your tattoos?"

- "Frank"

- "You! Stop eating my wife's brownies!"- he commanded immediately, and Iero froze, just the second he was grabbing his third piece.

- "Oh, come on! Don't give him a hard time. He just got me two small tattoos, and one of those says I'm your daughter, so I wouldn't be so mad if I were you."

- "And who is the one you say is your dad?"

- "That would be Ray. He keeps me safe on the road."

Toro waved from a safe distance, thinking Sveinbjörn was one of the most intimidating people he had ever met. But the way he smiled at the guitarist and winked made him feel there was a weird warmth hidden in him, just like Joey.

- "Maybe you can be just like your parents, even when they are just your foster parents"- Toro was lost in thoughts for a moment, but Sveinbjörn took him back to reality.

- "Thank you for having patience with my prinsessan."

- "Ég er ekki prinsessa! (I'm not a princess)"- the drummer quickly argued, narrowing her eyes. But her dad just chucked.

- "You are the prettiest one for me, baby"

Joey gave up and rested her head on her father's shoulder as she stared at Matthew, playing with Lily in her arms. She felt how her heart beat faster and harder, she was sure everyone in that room could hear it. She even felt how her cheeks turned warm and pink when he looked at her with a small smile, making her smile back.

- "Papi, you are gonna be such a good father"- Mercedes said, forcing Matthew to look at her. If it hadn't been for her, he would have never stopped staring into Joey's eyes.

He couldn't stop thinking about the small peck they had shared that morning, it had been the closest he had been to her in weeks, and it felt his heart hadn't been beaten in that whole time.

- "Ok, kids! soundcheck"- Jeffrey announced, opening the door and waving at the whole bunch.

Joey gave Cherry to Jamia and cut Matthew a short smile, walking past him and brushing her arm against him softly on her way to the stage. He held Lily tight, kissing the top of her head, and sighed.

- "Papa Gub, stop drooling"- Jamia teased him, making him blush- "And, how's everything going?"

- "Weird"- he answered as soon as Joey's parents had left the room, following their daughter to catch her in action with the band- "She didn't tell them we broke up, and we have been pretending we are still together the whole day"- and Jamia nodded at his words.

- "Yeah, she said she wanted to talk to them in person... And as far as I can see, you are actually enjoying it."

- "Yeah"- Matthew Gray nodded and sighed- "And it's been so good"- he confessed and chuckled.

- "Well, if she didn't tell them, it is because she doesn't want to break up with you, I mean... once you tell your parents someone broke your heart, they hate him forever and clearly, that's not what she wants"- he nodded in silence and looked at Lily in his arms.

- "They got so happy with the baby news."

- "I could tell. They really like you."

- "Yeah..."- Matthew made a pause and chuckled- "I was so scared the first time I met them, I thought they were going to think I was weird, or hate me 'cos I wasn't good enough for their daughter, I mean, they idolize their kid, and no one will ever be good enough for her."

- "Really?"

- "You have no idea... but they were so nice and welcoming, even Sveinbjörn. He threatened me, sure, but after we talked, he was awesome."

- "Well, maybe they saw how much you love their daughter."

- "I really do"

Matthew blushed and chuckled, thinking he had never been so cheesy and so open to talk about his feelings with someone who wasn't Paguet. But Jamia was nice and warm, and she gave him a welcoming feeling that let him open up.

- "Is she the girl of your dreams?"- she asked him, and he smiled widely.

- "She's better than the girl of my dreams. She is real"- Jamia thought she had never heard anything as romantic as that and smiled.

- "Are you gonna go see the soundcheck with your in-laws?"

- "In a minute, I have to finish my banner for today."

Gerard was doing great. He sang and did his job like a professional. They rehearsed a few songs they hadn't played in a while and surprised Joey by being a complete gentleman with her mom and dad. It wasn't weird that he was a nice person, 'cos she knew he was. But she was still scared of what could happen that day. She was scared either he or Matthew would start a fight. Most likely Matthew, after what had happened the night before, though Joey had already asked him to stay cool.

- "Yami, your parents are here. I would never ever do anything that might start a fight or make a scene in front of them"- he promised, looking at her with her deep chocolate eyes. And she nodded, thinking she wasn't actually able to speak while he stared at her like that. His eyes were hypnotic, and she could get lost in them any day.

- "Ok guys, wanna go get something to eat before the show?"- Joey asked her parents as the soundcheck/rehearsal was done and the band had already left for the dressing room- "The doors are gonna open in ten minutes, and the kids are gonna run inside."

- "I need coffee"- Sveinbjörn said with a smile, holding his wife's hand- "Are you coming, Matthew?"

- "No, you go, guy. You need to share some time on your own"- Gubler answered with a warm smile- "I'm gonna stay here and save my spot."

- "You don't have to do that, you know"- Joey whispered, standing right in front of him, trying to keep the conversation just between the two of them- "You can watch the show with my parents"- but he shook his head.

- "I want to be in the first row of all of the shows you make from now on, cheering and clapping you."

- "You can do that from the side of the stage. It doesn't make any difference."

- "It does to me."

The drummer blushed and looked down at her feet. Matthew held her face with both hands and tilted it up until their eyes met. Joey swore her heart stopped when she gazed at him.

- "I want to be there for you, for all the shows I missed 'cos I was an asshole who thought working was more important than you"- she couldn't reply. She just stared at him.

- "Are you coming, honey?"- Sveinbjörn asked his daughter

- "In a second"- she answered, not even looking at her dad. Her eyes were still in Matthew's.

- "Go have fun with your parents, and you know where I'll be when you come back."

She still couldn't say anything, as she felt a warm, small, loving peck on her lips, as his thumbs caressed her cheeks sweetly. It was the softest and smallest kiss on earth, but it felt like electricity going through her skin from her lips to the tip of her toes in a matter of seconds. All she could do was to nod and smile, blushing.

- "I'll text you."

- "Have fun."

- "You... too?"- Joey took a step away from Matthew and turned to frown as he chuckled.

- "I've got a book, and I hid some brownies and cinnamon rolls in my backpack."

- "Smart move"- he winked and waved- "See ya later, Gubler."

- "When are you going to do something romantic? Like what Matthew is doing for Joey?"- Jamia asked as she and her husband got into a van to go to the hotel and rest for a while with the babies.

- "So that's what we are gonna do today? We are gonna fight?"- he answered, not even thinking, trying to get some sleep on the way back to the hotel.

- "I mean it, we need some romance in our lives."

- "We've got romance, but we've got two babies. We can't just be the same, we are more tired, more sleepy... more... parents."

- "I'm gonna ask Joey and Matthew to babysit the girls, and we are gonna have a night out."

- "Please don't"- Frank whined right away, narrowing his eyes

- "They are gonna be parents. They need to start practicing."

- "I don't like him"- Iero argued, though it sounded more like a kid with a tantrum than a grown-up trying to make a point.

- "Get over their fight. They are getting back together."

- "Fuck it, I didn't like him before that."

- "Why?"- Jamia frowned, staring at her husband, confused as he held Cherry in his arms.

- "I just never liked him."

- "We double-dated a million times! You laughed for hours with him and his weird stories! He was in our house, we drove him around in Jersey, we made a fucking family dinner with him, Christa, and Ray. What the fuck are you trying to hide with that bullshit?"

- "I don't like him for Bug..."

- "She loves him! Get over the fact he cheated when he was drunk. She didn't even know that girl wasn't Joey!"

- "And you believe him!"

- "Yes, I actually do. No one who ain't in love with one does all he is doing for her! So stop it! We are going out one of these days, and he is babysitting with Joey, end of the fight"

- "But"- and Jamia snapped.

- "I said: end of the fight!"- Frank knit his brows and pouted. Just like a kid. But how could he tell his wife, "I hated him from day one 'cos I was jealous 'cos I had a stupid horny crush on Joey?". There was no way that information was ever leaving his head. Never.

- "Only because I want to"- he mumbled and kept his frowned eyebrows.

::: One hour before the show, at the arena :::

The Sigmundssons were enjoying their time with My Chemical Romance backstage. True to his promise to his friend and brother, Gerard had been the nicest human being he could be. And he could be one smooth son of a bitch when he wanted to.

He had made Mercedes laugh, telling her stories of Joey and Frank acting like kids and Ray having to stop them from arguing over video games. He had shared important and deep facts about art and culture in north Europe with her dad. Mikey looked at him and frowned, confused, sharing a weird glance with Joey. She just shrugged and talked with her mom, who was laughing with Frank, who kept embarrassing the drummer, telling all the stories she didn't want him to tell her.

- "And she bought strippers for the whole band! It was awesome! Best birthday party ever!"- Mercedes kept laughing as her daughter covered her face with both hands.

- "Of all the shit I told you not to tell my parents, you had to bring the one with the strippers!"

- "Hey! I've got tons more!"

- "Please shut up!"- Frank chuckled at Joey's annoyed face when there was a knock on the door, and Worm with Jeffrey walked in.

- "Joey? There's a journalist from The Seattle Times who wants to talk to you"- the whole room fell silent. Mercedes squealed, and Sveinbjörn held her hand to calm her down.

- "Sorry, what?"- the girl frowned, confused.

- "He wants to make you a short interview"- Jeffrey added and smiled.

- "Sorry, what?"- the drummer asked again, still dazed.

- "Bug, come on! Go!"- Mikey shook her arm, chuckling.

- "I think he got it wrong. He probably wants to talk to you"- Joey turned to her friend and frowned- "Wanna come with me?"

- "Bug, you are a grown woman. You can handle an interview on your own."

- "Ño"- she whispered and pouted at her friend.

- "Fine, come on!"

Mikey held her hand and walked her to the door. She turned to her parents and watched their smiles, looking so proud. The journalist was standing just outside the dressing room, with a recording and a camera.

- "Hello! María Josefina! I'm Jeffrey Gordon, from The Seattle Times. Sorry for coming unannounced, I was just talking with the security guard, and he helped me get to talk to you."

- "Are you sure you wanna talk to me and not to the band?"- Joey pointed at Mikey, who waved awkwardly.

- "No, I'm here for you."

- "Ok then, see you later"- the bassist smiled at her friend, and she winced in panic.

- "I am so proud!"- Mercedes said as Mikey walked back to them

- "Me too, that's her first interview"- the bassist smiled gladly- "She would never say it, but she really struggled at a certain point with the attention she got working with us, especially from our fans."

- "Yes. I distinctly remember the day a girl smashed a bottle at her head"- Joey's dad commented.

- "Yes, I was with her that day"- Mikey whispered and looked at Sveinbjörn- "I am so sorry I couldn't stop that girl on time."

- "Don't worry, she is ok, and we know it's not your fault"- Mercedes said, tapping sweetly on his cheek.

- "But things changed over time, and kids are really into her"- Mikey assured them.

- "I was actually there the first time she got a fan asking for her autograph"- Gerard said, walking over the Sigmundssons- "It was on her birthday, and she was freaked out."

- "You freaked out. You thought that kid was gonna smash a bottle against her head too"- Worm said from the couch, making everybody laugh as Gerard blushed.

- "Well, kids, now that Joey ain't here, I'm gonna embarrass her and say thank you for taking good care of her. She would say she doesn't need anyone taking care of her because she can handle herself. Which we know for a fact she absolutely can"- Sveinbjörn said laughing- "But it's really comforting for us to know she has you by her side, and we are happy to know you are her friends, and she trusts you."

Everybody was touched by Mr. Sigmundsson's words, but Gerard. He felt like scum to think Joey had trusted him at a certain point of their relationship, even if it was just a working relationship, and he let her down. Gerard was slowly coming to his senses, realizing how deep and wrong his mistake had been.

- "Excuse me"-  Matthew felt someone touching his shoulder as he kept reading his book, standing in the front row at the Showbox Sodo venue. He turned around and smiled at a girl waving.

- "Hi! Are you the guy dating Joey? The one from Criminal Minds?"- and he grinned excited right away.

- "That's me! Yes! Hi! I'm Matthew Gray Gubler. What's your name?"

- "I'm Robbin! so it was true!"

- "What was true?"- Gubler asked, still smiling, putting his book back in his bag, and grabbing his banner.

- "On Twitter, people keep saying you are following the band through the country to get your girl back."

- "Oh! That! Yes! I am doing that!"

- "With a different banner every day?"

- "How do you know everything?"- Matthew laughed, feeling excited

- "I told you, it's all over Twitter. What does this one say? People are uploading pictures of your banners."

- "Really?"- the actor widened his eyes surprised- "Wanna take a picture of this one?"

- "Yes, please!"- everybody around them was paying a lot of attention to the conversation. Most of them shot pictures to the banner when Matthew opened it and raised it over his head to give them a better view.

- "And neither the angels in heaven above, nor the demons down under the sea can ever dissever my soul from the soul of the beautiful Annabel Lee"- Robbie read out loud and held her breath for a second.

- "It's from an Edgar Allan Poe poem I dedicated to her..."

- "Oh my god! if she doesn't take you back, do you wanna go out with me?"- another girl said as she looked at Gubler, who blushed and chuckling nervously.

- "Sorry, I wanna marry her..."- he replied, and most of the girls around sighed.

Matthew folded the banner again and held it tight. A few seconds later, his phone buzzed in his pocket.

- "Yami?"

- "Hey! How is it going out there?"- the drummer asked, standing at one side of the stage, spying on him.

- "Good, it's crowded!"

- "Yeah! But I guess all those girls swooning for you are making it easier for you"- she said and chuckled. Matthew looked around confused and blushed.

- "Are you spying on me?"

- "Nope, I just wanted to mess with you... did they like the banner?"

- "Yes... did you?"

- "I didn't get to see it"

- "Do you want to see it?"- Matthew Gray was flirting and enjoying the fact Joey was jealous and slightly loving.

- "No, I want the surprise at the show."

- "Your wishes, as always, are my commands."

Joey bit her lips and kept her eyes on him, knowing he couldn't see her. That made her feel a little safer. She could drool for him from a safe distance and in peace.

- "Hey, wanna know something weird?"

- "I live to know weird things"- he answered right away, making her giggle- "Please, surprise me."

- "I just did an interview."

- "Really?"- his voice pitched with excitement as Joey jumped softly in her spot.

- "A guy from a local paper came to talk to me about my experience touring with the band. He wanted to know about me 'cos I am local... it was just a few questions, not a significant feature, but..."

- "Yami! This is awesome!! I am so proud of you!!"- Joey's cheeks were red with embarrassment as she heard him talking- "We are gonna get all the copies of tomorrow's paper."

- "You are gonna have to fight my mom over those! She cried! can you believe that?"

- "Of course, I can!"- Matthew and Joey laughed at the same time- "She is so excited about what you are doing. She can't be prouder."

- "It feels weird"

- "Why?"

- "I don't know, I'm not usually the one on the spot, and suddenly I've been thrust into the mainline"

- "You are being recognized for your hard work, 'cos you are amazing"- Jeffrey touched Joey's shoulder softly and announced to her it was time to start.

- "I gotta go warm up. The show is about to start."

- "Ok, I'll be here waiting for you. I love you."

- "See ya"- the girl hung up quickly and hid her phone in her pocket- "I love you too"- she said and bit her lips. She couldn't just tell him that. But at least she could say it to herself.

That night's show was special in every way. The whole band made their best performance. Joey gave her 110%, smiling the entire time. Her parents had watered-up eyes as they watched her from a side of the stage, taking pictures. And Matthew in the crowd smiled the whole time, watching how happy his girl was. You could feel the love in the air, not just from the couple, but for everybody, making their best to do that night exceptional.

Mercedes cried as Joey walked off the stage and hugged her tight, kissing her cheeks over and over again.

- "Mom, you are embarrassing in front of my friends"- the girl argued, chuckling, like a little kid.

- "I don't care, that was so good! We are so proud of you bebé!"

The drummer just smiled and hid her face in her mother's neck. Joey had always made them feel proud. She had always wanted to thank them for taking her out of that hell and supporting her always, persuading her dreams. She couldn't dream of having better parents.

- "Now, let's go home to make dinner!"- Sveinbjörn clapped his hands and walked backstage to the dressing room with her daughter.

- "Sure! Let me grab my things, I'll call Matthew, and we'll be on our way."

- "Why was he in the audience?"- Mr. Sigmunsson asked and frowned. Joey widened her eyes and blushed, trying to come with a good, neutral answer.

- "'Cos he is my number one fan and wants to support me like one"- she simply said and giggled- "He even brings banners with quotes from my favorite books."

- "He is so romantic!"- Mercedes sighed as they walked into the dressing room- "Ay dios! Perdón!! (Oh my god! sorry!) "- and the whole band chuckled, shirtless.

- "It's ok, mom. I've seen the worst"- the girl answered and looked at her friends- "Please shower before you come home"- and Mikey frowned, joking.

- "Do I have to?"

- "Yes, you are nasty after a concert, and you know it"

- "You don't smell like flowers either"- he messed with her hair, and Joey punched his stomach softly.

- "Shut up, bróðir!"

- "Now that you are home, you are gonna go all Icelandic on us, aren't you?"- the bassist kept teasing Joey.

- "She is gonna go all Latina"- Frank corrected her- "That's her way to go when she is pissed. She goes all Icelandic when she gets drunk."

- "And now I can't drink 'cos we have a little baby bean in this tummy, so you'll have to deal with my Latin self when you annoy me."

- "Your Latin-self yells a lot"- Mikey narrowed his eyes, clearly joking.

- "Shut up! I'll text you my address, see you in a while"- the girl waved, the band waved back, and Gerard stared at her in silence until the door was closed behind her back. Ray tossed him his sweatshirt and shook his head.

- "Stop it, dumbass!"

- "I haven't done anything!"

Gerard groaned right away, annoyed already by all the times he had been told off in the last couple of days. He grabbed his things and stormed out of the dressing room, leaving an awkward silence at his exit.

A regular and quiet Sunday dinner with friends at the Sigmundsson was more like a party in anyone else's house. There was music, an obscene amount of food, and booze. That night's event was what Mercedes considered a "small get-together" with their closest friends. Sveinbjörn didn't have any family in the States, and the few relatives Mercedes had there lived in Florida. That's why their friends were their family.

Joey's arms felt weary after hugging so many people. Their neighbor and best friend growing up, Tabitha was there with her two kids and her parents (her parent's best friends and neighbors), also Sveinbjörn's closest friends from work and Mercedes friends from the bakery. It was a nice bunch of ten guesses plus the band that was on their way.

Matthew helped Sveinbjörn at the barbecue.

It was softly raining in Seattle, something Joey's dad considered "the perfect barbecue weather." He and his son-in-law talked and laughed and introduced him to all his friends as "his son." Joey stared at the scene and bit her lips, thinking she had never got a sense of how much her family loved Matthew. And seeing that that day made her heart ache.

- "I still can't believe you are dating Dr. Reid"- Tabitha said and elbowed her friend's arm- "You are so fucking lucky"- Joey turned to her and giggled.

- "The fact that you call him "Dr. Reid" makes it even better."

She couldn't tell her friend they were over either. It was like her lips didn't want to put that fact into words, 'cos it would make it official.

- "What the fuck is wrong with me? Why am I still holding to the idea of being with him if we broke up weeks ago?"

- "So, what's new? How's life on the road?"

- "As exciting as boring, it's weird... I wanted to see the world, but now I just see airports and arenas... that's about it.... oh! and hotel rooms"

- "Are the guys in the band coming?"

- "Yeah, in a while"

- "Great! I'm dying to meet them!"

- "They are fun. You'll like them"- Joey looked around and raised an eyebrow- "Where are your kids?"

- "Inside with my mom, Mercedes has probably already filed them with sugar."

- "How is it like? having a kid?"- the drummer asked and turned to her friend, who was... still looking at Matthew, checking him out.

- "Tabi, for Christ Sakes! can you stop looking at him like that?"- Joey chuckled and shook her head- "You are fucking drooling!!"

- "Sorry, sorry, it wasn't my intention"- Tabitha giggled, feeling her cheeks burning, and turned to her friend- "What was the question?"

- "How is it like having kids?"

- "It's incredible, and it's so fucking exhausting at the same time..."

- "Do you like it?"

- "I love it. It's the best job in the world."

- "Wasn't the best job in the world that summer when we worked together in Starbucks and drank coffee the whole fucking day... we puked coffee one day."

Tabitha and Joey burst out laughing at the memory of the two of them in the bathroom of the coffee shop came to their minds, holding each other's hair as one puked in the sink and the other in the toilet

- "Shit!! That was a fun summer!!"

- "It was... fuck I miss coffee"

- "Why? Did you quit?"

- "No, I'm pregnant"- Joey simply said and looked at her friend with a huge smile

- "What?!"

Tabitha stopped laughing and stared at her friend dumbfounded, while the drummer nodded and kept the grin on her lips

- "And you just drop this huge news like that?! Bitch!!"- Tabitha punched Joey's arm hard and hugged tight, jumping- "Congratulations!! How far are you?"

- "Hey, Dr. Reid!!"- the soon-to-be mother shouted, making Matthew turned around, biting his lips not to laugh.

- "Yes, Yami?"

- "Your huge fan here wants to know how far along into pregnancy are we"- Gubler's face lit up thinking about their baby. He excused himself and walked over to the girls. Tabitha squeaked as he stood next to her and hugged her.

- "Hey Tabitha! I didn't know you were here already"- and the young woman blushed and looked down- "And we are... eleven weeks tomorrow."

Matthew made a pause and added.

- "Did you know that at eleven weeks, the fetus is about 1.6 inches long and weighs in at about .25 ounces? They've got about a 1:1 head-to-body ratio, which might look pretty weird, but it's completely natural."

There was a silence between the three of them, as Joey made her best not to laugh, thinking her "boyfriend" was acting like Spencer Reid just to mess with her best friend too.

- "Oh my god!! Congratulations guys!"- Tabitha hugged Joey and then hugged Matthew again, wishing he didn't notice she was shaking as she did. Joey looked at him and chuckled.

She loved teasing her friend calling Matthew as his part in Criminal Minds, 'cos the day her friend met him, she freaked out. Big time.

- "No shit!!"- she shouted as she stood in front of Gubler and Joey- "No fucking way!"- and neither of them got what was going on.

- "Tabi, this is Matthew, my boyfriend"- the drummer said and pointed at her right, where he stood and waved sweetly.

- "Hi Tabitha! I've heard a lot about you! We need to talk about all the embarrassing things Joey did in high school, 'cos I know she is hiding the good shit from me"- Matthew smiled and hugged Tabitha, who stayed still, looking at him.

- "Bitch! You are dating Spencer Reid?!"- she nearly yelled, and Joey burst out laughing right away- "Couldn't you fucking give me a hint before I came here?! I would have put on some makeup!"

- "Oh shit! My best friend is your fan!"- Joey covered her face, laughing and embarrassed simultaneously, as Matthew chuckled and turned blood red.

The bell ran around ten when everybody was ready to eat. And My Chemical Romance walked into the house, holding a few bottles of wine and flowers. Joey looked at them and raised an eyebrow.

- "Are you always this sweet, and I never got the chance to see it? Or are you pretending to be this sweet to win over my parents?"

- "Shut up!"- Frank quickly answered and chuckled- "We are actually here to take your mom on a date..."- he looked around and found Mercedes- "Mom! These are for you!"

Joey burst out laughing as soon as she heard her friend completely comfortable and familiar with her parents. Matthew cleared his throat next to her, and she narrowed her eyes at him.

- "Pay up"- he whispered and raised his hand, showing her his palm

- "Nop"- she answered and looked with a cocky smile- "The night ain't over yet, and I know my mom better than you do"- Matthew chuckled and raised an eyebrow.

- "Double or nothing?"- he reached out his hand to her, and she shook it

- "Deal"

Introducing the band to everybody was easier than Joey thought. She stood up on a chair- freaking Gubler out, who held her legs tight the whole time, scared she might fall and lose the baby- and shouted.

- "Hey! Ladies and germs! These are my bosses, please don't embarrass me too much in front of them, now I'm having a baby, and I really need the job!"

The whole room laughed, but she kept her serious face.

- "I mean it, I am pregnant, I mean, we are pregnant"- she added, pointing at Matthew next to her, holding her legs.

- "Though, I am the one who is gonna do what Jamia here has described like "passing a watermelon through a nostril," which sounds like the worst shit anyone could do..."

The crowd laughed again, including Matthew, who also caressed her legs sweetly. Gerard looked at him, darting daggers through his eyes, but made his best to remain calm and not do anything.

- "It ain't that bad!"- Tabitha argued and chuckled

- "We'll come back to that subject in October after the bean is out..."- she looked around and felt her cheeks blushing- "Anyway, enough about my vagina, though I know Frank loves it when I bring it up in any conversations."

- "Stop it!!!"- Iero shouted, and Jamia wrapped an arm around him, kissing his temple.

- "Anyway, thank you all for coming, please don't embarrass me, oh! These are the guys I work with. Please raise your hand when I call out your name so the family can meet you!"

Ray chuckled and shook his head, thinking it had been a long while since he had seen Joey that happy.

- "This is my brother Mikey, Mikey! Say hello to my family!"

- "Hi!"- he waved, feeling embarrassed.

- "Frank and his wife, you can call him Jersey if you want"- the Ieros raised their hand.

- "I am the one you have to tell all the embarrassing stories so I can use them against her."

- "Oh, shut Frank!"- Joey frowned but smiled at her friend, who stuck out his tongue at her- "They have the cutest babies on earth right there, Lily and Cherry"

- "You two are babysitting them when you get to Edmonton"- Jamia said, pointing at Matthew and Joey- "You need to start practicing, and we need a break."

- "Deal!"- Matthew quickly answered- "Sounds like a plan!"- and Frank frowned in a second, still not happy with his wife's idea.

- "The guy with the awesome hair is Ray, he is the closest thing I have of a dad on tour, he won't let me get out of the hotel when I was drunk, or do stupid things..."- Ray waved and blushed- "And the guy with the red hair is Gerard."

That was all she could say about him. And Way just waved. Joey didn't make eye contact with him, and that was it.

- "Now that introductions have been made, it's time to eat 'cos this baby is starving!"

- "You should watch your weight"- Carl, Sveinbjörn's bestfriend said and smiled at the young woman- "If you start eating for two, you are gonna get fat."

And both Joey and Matthew hated the guts out of those words.

- "If I want to get fat, I'll get fat"- she simply replied

- "And I will love you no matter what"- Gubler added and kissed her cheek, making her blush.

- "Ah, to be young and in love"- Carl smiled and tapped on Joey's shoulder sweetly- "I'm just joking with you, kid. Don't get mad."

Dinner went great. Joey was ecstatic about sharing with all her loved ones. She hadn't been home in too long, and seeing her aunts and uncles made her happier than she ever imagined. And everyone seemed to be enjoying their time. Her mom laughed the whole dinner with all of Frank's stories, and Matthew smiled victoriously at Joey most of the time.

Gerard tried to be human the whole time. He talked with people, including Mercedes and Sveinbjörn. Ray with him all along, not leaving his friend alone for a second, afraid he would... be stupid. Gerard could act really stupid when he was around Joey, and Toro had realized the level of nonsense his friend could reach a little too late during the tour.

Matthew was a dream. Seriously. He helped Sveinbjörn and Mercedes with everything he could, from cooking to cleaning the table, and started doing the dishes. But the most exciting thing he did was talking with Mikey. Both of them shared a beer outside, Way was smoking, and Matthew walked over.

- "Hey"- Mikey turned to him as he heard his voice

- "Hey, what's up?"

- "I just wanted to thank you"

Way raised an eyebrow at Matthew's words. He had no idea what he was talking about.

- "You were there for Joey when she needed you the most and... I know I was the asshole who fuck everything up, but I am glad she had you there."

Gubler made a pause, trying to find the best way to express what he was trying to say.

- "You are her best friend, and I am so fucking happy you love her so much, 'cos she deserves all the good people she can find. The fact that you appreciate Joey for who she is, to me it's the most beautiful thing this tour might have brought to her life. She needed to have someone like you."

Mikey looked at Matthew speechlessly. He surely didn't see that coming. He hated Gubler deeply, only 'cos he broke Joey's heart. But he knew he couldn't get in the middle of the two of them.

- "You really fucked it up, and I still want to break your face."

- "And I completely understand that. I deserve it"- Matthew raised his hands in surrender.

- "And she was a fucking mess. She wouldn't eat or sleep for days."

Gubler's heart kept cracking each time he heard someone telling her how badly he had hurt the love of his life. He would never overcome the pain it caused him to know he had been the reason for her tears and misery.

- "It was hard to see, and it was hard to bring her back to her old self. I still don't think we are quite there yet, but..."

Mikey sighed and decided to be fully honest with the actor. If she didn't want to lose her, he had to let go of his hate.

- "She is happy when you are around, no matter if I hate that idea or not."

- "I..."- Matthew tried to speak, but Way stopped him.

- "I don't know if she is going to forgive you or if she already did. I don't know what you are planning to do or what the fuck is gonna happen next, but this is what I can assure you: I am always going to make everything I can to make sure Joey is happy. And I will always take care of her, even when she argues she can do it on her own."

Both of them smiled at that 'cos they could hear her arguing about it in the back of their heads.

- "And I really appreciate it, Mikey"- Matthew sighed.

- "And because I want her to be happy, I am not gonna keep any hard feeling with you from now on"- Gubler frowned, confused- "I'm not gonna fight you, I'm not gonna hate you, I am not gonna try to keep her away from you like I had done. Because I can see how happy she is with you, and that's all that matters to me."

Mikey could feel a knot in his throat as he spoke, so he shut up and looked down, ready to light another cigarette.

- "Dude, you don't know how much this means to me."

- "I'm not doing it for you."

- "I know"- Gubler smiled- "But it really means a lot to know she had such a good friend..."

The actor was being honest, and Mikey felt it. He opened his arms and brought the bassist into a big hug, tapping on each other's back incredibly friendly.

- "Ok, do you want me to close the door to make sure no one walks out here before you start sucking each other's dick?"- Joey interrupted and looked at them with a serious glance

- "Hey Bug, we were just clearing the air between us"

- "That I can see"- she crossed her arms on her chest and walked to them, raising an eyebrow- "And? You aren't gonna kill each other in my parent's house, are you?"

- "Never"- Matthew answered with a shy smile- "Au contraire, we were just talking about how we both love you, and we are gonna get along."

- "Is that so?"

- "Yes, Bug"- Mikey nodded and wrapped an arm around his friend's shoulders- "We have to get along 'cos he is the father of my godson"

- "Or daughter"- Matthew added with a grin.

- "Or goddaughter"- Way nodded in agreement- "And we both love you, and want you to be happy..."

- "Us fighting doesn't make you happy, so we... "- the guys looked at each other and shrugged- "Decided to get along again"- Joey kept her arms crossed as Mikey hugged her.

- "What's the catch?"

- "There isn't one, Bug"- Mikey kissed her temple, and she looked at him frowning- "I mean it, we love you, we want to make you happy"

- "Ok... we'll see if you two get along, but I appreciate the effort"- the girl kissed Mikey's cheek and moved a few steps from them before walking back to Matthew and hold his hand.

- "Mom asked me to bring you back 'cos she wants you to do the cards trick you did for her that day we were back at our house."

"Our house" those words were pure bliss in Gubler's ear as he smiled, remembering clearly that day. They were in the house he had bought, doing a tour, showing their parents how they would fix the place. Both their families had just met, and before their dinner plans, the young couple had taken them to their new house. That was when he did a magic trick for Mercedes, and she hadn't gotten over it yet.

- "Of course!"- he said with a huge smile, intertwining their fingers. Joey didn't stop him, and that melted him- "Are you coming?"- but Mikey shook his head.

- "In a second, one more cigarette"- Joey and Matthew smiled at him as they disappeared through the door.

Mikey stared at them and felt his heart aching a little. He couldn't stop feeling selfish. Why? 'Cos he had now come to realize he was never going to be as close as he had been to her as when she was brokenhearted. She had Matthew back now - even if she didn't want to admit it - and that meant he wasn't his number one person to go when in trouble.

- "And that's ok"- he tried to convince himself, smoking alone- "That way you can focus on your life, get your shit together, finish your divorce... move on and stop hiding."

It sounded easier than it might actually be. It sounded like something Mikey would tell himself to take his head from anything else. But it was true. He had to move on and stop hiding.

The band was the last to leave that night. They had insisted on staying and helping to clean up the place. Ray and Frank were Mercedes's favorite and the ones who ended up in the kitchen eating half a tray of brownies as they helped her with the dishes.

- "We are gonna miss you"- Jamia said as they stood by the door, hugging

- "Literally, J, we are not gonna see each other in 24 hours. I think you are gonna be ok"- Joey argued and chuckled.

- "You can say whatever you want, but you can't deny you love me. You already said it."

- "She told you she loves you?"- Sveinbjörn asked in shock- "J, you must be really special for her"- and Mrs. Iero smiled proudly. The Sigmundsson stood with their daughter, saying goodbye to everybody. Frank, Mikey, and Ray walked to Matthew, finishing the kitchen and shaking his hand goodbye.

- "See you in Edmonton?"- Toro asked, and the actor nodded.

- "See you there."

But Gerard didn't even look at him. Something he might have thought wasn't obvious to anyone, but he wasn't fooling anybody. Besides, it was awkward when Gerard had to say goodbye to Joey. He hugged her softly as she looked at the ceiling, wishing to get with that as soon as possible.

- "Take care"- the fact he kissed her cheek sweetly didn't make it any better, and Matthew had to stop himself from running over and breaking Way's nose. Ray grabbed his friend's shoulder carefully, doing his best to look casual, and forced him to start walking.

- "See you guys tomorrow night!"- Joey waved and watched her friends getting into the van.

- "They are so nice"- Sveinbjörn said and waved with her daughter, to then close the door- "Son! One last brennivín?"

- "Bring it!"- Gubler smiled and walked to his in-law in a second.

- "I need something sweet"- Joey headed to the kitchen and opened the oven- "Mom! Did those bastards eat all the brownies?!"- and Mercedes chuckled, walking over.

- "Maybe, but we've got a chocolate truffle cake for us"

- "Oh! Fuck yeah!"- the girl's eyes shone as her mother opened the fridge and took the cake

- "Mami, can I ask you something?"

- "Anything, as long as you let me eat that sinful chocolate towel straight from the dish with this spoon."

- "Fine, just don't let your pabbi see you"

- "Then shoot"- Joey started eating, and Mercedes sat next to her in the kitchen aisle

- "What happened between you and the red-haired guy?"- and the drummer nearly choke- "'Cos something happened baby, the way he looked at you all night, it was the look of a brokenhearted man."

- "I hate him, mom"- the girl whispered.

- "Mi amor, is he in love with you?"

- "So he says"- Joey murmured and looked over the living room, where Matthew and her dad were laughing and talking- "But I don't believe him, he is married, and he has been a pig with me"

- "What? Why?"

- "Ok, don't freak out, but... one day I was drunk, and we made out. Well, more like he made out with me"- Mercedes wide opened her eyes in shock- "It's not what you think, mom."

- "María Josefina Sveinbjörndottir, you cheated on Matthew with him?"

- "No, mom, it's more complicated than that."

Joey didn't want to share the details of her life with her mom. But at the same time, she needed to do it, 'cos her mom was the only woman on earth who could help her.

- "Then uncomplicate it and explain it to me!"- the young woman sighed, left the fork on the dish, and looked at her mom.

- "Matthew kissed another girl at his birthday party 'cos he was wasted and thought it was me."

Yes, she sugarcoated that event completely.

- "But I broke up with him as soon as he told me."

She also sugarcoated that.

- "And next thing I know, I was drunk, and this other asshole comes, tells me he loves me and gets me half naked... and I thought it was Matthew 'cos I was too drunk to know what was going on."

Mercedes widened her eyes as she stared at her daughter- I told you it was complicated.

- "He tried to abuse you?"

- "No! No... no..."- Joey made a pause and sighed- "It sounds like it, though... but when I called him Matthew, he stopped and realized I didn't know it was him."

- "Does Matthew know?"

- "Yeah, I told him everything, and he already hit him."

- "And are you and Matthew ok?"- that was a good question.

- "I think we are working on our relationship."

- "That's why he is at the front row every night?"- the girl nodded- "So he is making amends"- the two of them stayed quiet, Joey started eating cake again, and Mercedes looked at her.

- "I know you wanna speak your mind, mom, so just tell me."

- "You are gonna have to quit"- Mercedes spit the words as fast as possible.

- "I know that."

- "By the look in that man's eyes, he is desperate, and desperate people make tremendous and desperate mistakes that can ruin everything for everybody."

- "Wanna add more drama to this story?"- Joey looked at her mom and shook her head- "His wife arrives tomorrow."

- "Ay mierda!! (oh, shit!)"

- "Yes, I know."

- "Bebé, vas a tener que irte (baby, you are gonna have to leave)"- Mercedes held her daughter's hand upon the table and she nodded

- "I'll tell them soon"

- "And Matthew?"- Joey looked at her mom in silence, and her eyes showed her all the sadness and fear she felt at that minute- "Mi bebé, you don't have to be a psychic to know he loves you with his whole heart. The way he looks at you, it's like there is no one else in the world when you are in the same room with him. And you love him, you can't deny it because I know you"

Joey nodded and sighed.

- "The both of you fucked it up, but you are in love, and you are having a baby together."

The two women stayed in silence. Joey grabbed her spoon and took another piece of cake before asking

- "Did you know there was something weird all along?"

- "You are not wearing your engagement ring"- her mother cut her a short smiled, pointing at her finger.

- "Did you know there was something weird from the second I stepped out of that plane?"- Mercedes smiled and kissed her daughter's forehead

- "You may not come out of my body, but you are my daughter, and I know you better than anyone"- the woman's eyes filled with tears as she felt Joey's arms around her

- "You are the best mom on earth"

- "You are gonna be better"

- "You are gonna have to teach me"- they stayed hugged for a few minutes before Mercedes whispered

- "Fix everything with Matthew, bebé, he loves you more than anyone and anything, trust me."

- "What if he breaks my heart again? What if he cheats?"

- "Mi amor, that's the worst part of loving. You don't know what's gonna happen. You just have to close your eyes and trust your heart"- Joey sighed and left the spoon aside.

- "I wanna do what's best for my baby."

- "Regardless of my nieto (grandson), what does your heart say?"- the girl stayed quiet, thinking she knew the answer from the first moment she had seen Matthew again.

- "My heart forgave him a long time ago, mamá. It's my head that won't let this go."

- You are going to have to let it go, 'cos your heart is right"- Mercedes kissed her forehead once more and stood up, taking the cake away from them- "And now, we are gonna put an eye on these two, 'cos if we don't take the brennivín away from them, we are gonna regret it"

- "They are gonna regret it too in the morning."

- "That wasn't so bad"- Ray said to Gerard as they smoked in the parking lot of the hotel after everybody else left to their rooms

- "Yeah, it wasn't"

- "Twenty more days and you'll be peachy"- Way frowned at Toro and took a drag on his cigarette

- "Peachy?"

- "Ok, twenty more days, and we'll be done with another leg of the tour..."

- "This won't end until August, man. And I don't want it to end"

- "Stop it, your wife is gonna be here tomorrow, you are gonna end with this whole charade, and you'll behave like a loyal husband or fail for divorce, but you won't play with Lynz's feelings!"

- "Stop making me feel like an animal!"- Gerard rubbed his hands against his face.

- "Just don't do anything you might regret"

- "You ask me the same every day"

- "So far, it has worked, two days not fucking it up... except for that fight with Gubler, but it doesn't count."

- "He deserved it"- Ray bit his tongue before he could say to his friend he was the one who actually deserved it.

- "I'm going to bed, see you tomorrow"- he tapped on Gerard's back a few times and cut him a short smile- "We have a late flight. Take that time to rest and sleep."

Way nodded and watched his friend walking into the hotel. It was his last night alone, and that was not the way he wanted to spend it. He couldn't stop thinking if Matthew was with Joey in her parent's house. If he was going to stay there. With her. In her room. Like her boyfriend. Like they had pretended to be the whole time he had seen them. Were they pretending? or was it real? Either way, it hurt him, 'cos it made obvious what he had denied himself for a long time: she was never going to be with him. Never. And it was about time he came to his senses and dealt with the truth.

She didn't love him. Never had. Never will.

- "Here"- Joey turned to Matthew and handed him twenty dollars- "You won, lucky bastard"- and he chuckled, grabbing the money and putting it in his pocket.

- "I told you, your mom and Frank... that tiny worm knows his way to the ladies"- the girl chuckled and nodded

- "Yeah, he is smooth. My baby Rayray didn't stand a chance."

- "He called her "mom." That was the winning move"- Matthew said as he looked for his pajamas in his suitcase.

They were in her room, getting ready to sleep. Compromised with their act, they were going to sleep together in her room. It didn't bother either of them, though they didn't say it out loud. Matthew had actually tried to ask, but she shut him up in a second and walked him to her room. He took that as a good sign too.

- "Thank you for talking with Mikey today"- Joey whispered, getting in her pajamas, giving Matthew her back. He just stood in silence, watching her change, thinking he had never ever seen anyone as pretty as she was. Even in old flannel pajamas.

- "It's nothing. I really wanted to clear the air with him, I know he is gonna be the godfather of our baby, and I really want to get along with him. I mean, he is your best friend."

- "Just make sure Tucker doesn't know that, or he will kill him"- Joey turned to him and smiled. Her happy face caught him unprepared, 'cos he just stared at her and didn't reply- "Hey, are you ok?"

- "Yeah, sorry, I just..."- Matthew paused. The girl looked at him and waited for the end of that sentence. But it never came; it just got awkward. So she moved to the other side of the room and grabbed her makeup bag, her toothbrush, and walked to the bathroom.

Gubler didn't know if it was the best moment to do it, but he didn't really have many clues to know when the perfect moment could be. So he decided to go for it. He walked around the room for a second, in his pajamas, trying to find the strength within himself to remain calm. If things went wrong, it would be really awkward to sleep in the same room. But if things went right, he was going to hold her tight until the day he'd die.

- "So, ready to bed?"- Joey asked and smiled as she walked back to the room- "I am toasted, being pregnant means being sleepy most of the time, who would have known?"- she walked to the bed, but he held her hand and stopped her- "What is it?"

- "Can I ask you something? But you have to answer with the truth and nothing but the truth"- her heart stopped beating for a second. She tried to remember if there was something - anything - she might be hiding from him. But she couldn't think of anything but her feelings.

- "Ok, Matthew Gray. Ask me."

- "Why didn't you tell your parents we broke up?"- and of course, he went straight to her feelings

- "I told you, I didn't want to ruin the trip. I wanted them to be happy with the baby news."

- "You didn't tell them when you were on tour either, and that was weeks ago"- she didn't know how to answer that. They just stood in front of each other in silence. Matthew kept looking into her eyes sweetly, and she kept looking anywhere else in the room but him. She knew exactly what was going to happen if she did.

- "Joey... why didn't you tell them the whole truth? Why didn't you want them to know?"

- "I don't know"- Joey sheepishly replied. Gubler stayed in silence for a moment, taking a step closer to her and holding her hands slowly, making his best not to scare her away.

- "I think you do."

- "Come on, can we not do this? Not today, not tonight... I'm tired and sleepy and..."- she finally looked at him and couldn't say another word. Her brain nearly shut down.

- "Why didn't you want them to know what happened between us?"- he whispered with a velvety voice that made her shiver and sigh.

- "I don't know"- that was all she managed to say as she kept looking at him. His body was so close she could feel the warmth from his arms and torso right in front of her, causing goosebumps all over her skin.

- "Yes, you do"- he murmured and slowly, carefully, cupped her face with his hands- "You don't want to tell them 'cos you don't want us to be over."

- "That's not true"- that tremble in her voice told otherwise, and Matthew knew it. That's why he moved a little bit closer and ran his tongue through his lips slowly- "I told you, I just didn't want to ruin my visit, besides, I never thought you would be here either."

- "No, you don't want to tell them 'cos you love me"- he simply said, a bold move, but he had to take it. He needed to play his last card and get his girl back.

- "Matthew..."- Joey whispered. Her eyes were still looking into his, melting as he stared back at her with such love and devotion it was hard to continue with her facade.

- "You are too generous to trifle with me. If your feelings are still what they were last month, tell me so at once. My affections and wishes are unchanged, but one word from you will silence me on this subject forever."

Matthew whispered, quoting Pride and Prejudice, making the young woman's body tremble. His hands were still on her cheeks, his thumbs caressing her skin slowly, as his chocolate eyes looked into hers, lost in love.

- "That's not fair"- Joey managed to argue, but her voice was a soft whisper. Her heart was beating so hard, she was sure Matthew could hear it too. And so she tried to stop him before he would manage to affect her even more deeply- "Those are Darcy's words, not yours"- but Matthew simply licked his lips slowly and continued.

- "If, however, your feelings have changed, I will have to tell you: you have bewitched me, body and soul, and I love, I love, I love you. I never wish to be parted from you from this day on"- he murmured, his fingers now on her chin, tilting up her face calm and carefully, staring at each other in silence. He leaned in slowly to her lips, a few inches away from his, and didn't feel her move. So he reached them, kissing them softly. He watched her eyelids flutter shut as he deepened the kiss.

It was their first real kiss in weeks. And it felt like the first one in their whole lives.

Joey wrapped her arms around his neck as he pulled her closer to him, closer as humanly possible. He explored her lips sweetly, darting his tongue between them, tasting her, enjoying every second of that kiss like it was the first and the last. She stroked his face, her fingers running from his cheeks to his neck, to end up with her arms locked around his waist.

They had to break apart for a moment when the two of them were gasping for air. They sighed for a second, looking at each other. Neither said a word, but Gubler swore he heard the girl whimper at the loss of contact. And he was right because a second later, Joey moved her hand to Matthew's face and pulled him back to her. She kissed him with the desire of all the times she had wanted him since late January. It was a million kisses falling from her lips onto his skin. He held her tight and walked her to the bed, falling together on it, their lips never moving apart.

Matthew left a trail of sweet kisses from her lips to her neck. A small soft moan came from Joey as she shuddered from his touch. He smiled and gently sucked the skin behind her ear, feeling her fingers tangle in his hair. So he didn't stop there. His lips continued traveling from her collar bone to her chest as his hands unbuttoned her pajamas quickly, revealing her naked body underneath the flannel. Her cheeks blushed as he stared at her like he had never seen her bare skin before.

- "You are so beautiful"- he whispered and bit his lips for a second, making Joey's body ache for him. After a moment, he guided his lips back to hers, kissing her roughly, trading a path from her mouth to her breast. She found her hands lost in his hair again, suppressing the moans that kept leaving her lips, afraid her parents were gonna hear her.

Matthew tried to kiss every inch of Joey's body as he kept taking off her pajamas, his tongue lightly stroking her skin. She had to bite her lips so hard she was sure they were going to start bleeding any minute. Her body was so sensitive at his touch that it honestly felt the first time he was ever touching her.

- "I love you"- he whispered suddenly and looked at her cheeks blushed and her eyes half-open, heavy breathing. It took him a second to stop everything he wanted to do to her and moved closer to her lips.

- "I love you, Joey, with my whole heart. And I need you to believe me when I tell you I wanna live the rest of my life doing everything I can to make you the happiest woman on earth."

She shivered underneath his body. His hands kept caressing her bare arms as he spoke. She had to answer. She had to react.

Joey had to make a decision. And it was the hardest 'cos she had to stop listening to her brain and listen only to her heart for once. It was the right thing to do. At least that's what it felt like.

- "I love you too"- she whispered, and her voice cracked as she spoke, tears filling her eyes as she realized what she had just said. Matthew stared at her dumbfounded, just like the first time she had said those words to him, so she nodded and smiled, feeling like a dork- "I love you, Matthew Gray."

Like a dork in love.

- "I love you more, Joey, I swear"- he leaned to her and started kissing her again, over and over, like he had wished to do for the last months.

Her hands ran up and down his back underneath his pajamas before she pulled them off and tossed them at the other side of the room, then she pulled down his bottoms and sighed. He was naked on top of her, staring into her eyes, making her feel like the only woman on earth. Her heart wouldn't stop beating, harder and faster, like it hadn't done in so long, it had been unbearable. He sighed and took some flicks of hair from her forehead, kissing the top of her nose.

- "Would you marry me?"- the question dropped from his lips, and he never even noticed he was thinking about it. He was lost in the moment, his skin pressed against hers, his hard-on positioned on her entrance, her eyes looking into his, her lips kissing him slowly.

- "Yes"- Joey murmured and felt how her cheeks blushed even more. Even her ears felt red. He widened his eyes and smiled with a grin that could brighten the whole Seattle night. With a smile that made her chuckle. That melted her heart.

- "Really?"- he asked in disbelief

- "I will marry you, Matthew Gray, if you still want me"- he couldn't even blink as he looked at her. He kissed her, over and over again, her lips, her cheeks, her neck, her forehead. Everywhere he could.

- "I want you, I love you, I am always going to love you."

Joey could see tears coming to his eyes as he spoke. He looked relieved, happy... he felt he was finally coming back to life. Joey kissed him, his tongue playing with hers, as she quickly deepened the kiss, scratching her nails on his back and trying to get him even closer to her, if possible. She needed him. All of him. Matthew moved sweetly and carefully between her legs until his hard-on was inches from slipping into her. That's when he looked into her eyes and watched her bite her lips before nodding. And just then, he slowly moved inside of her.

- "Fuck!"- the two of them whispered at the same time and giggled nervously. After all, they were doing it in her parent's house. They had to keep it quiet.

Matthew stroked her cheeks as he rocked slowly, carefully into her. Her hands held onto his back, and she refused to close her eyes, 'cos she didn't want to miss a second of the view that was Matthew on top of her.

He was sweet, loving, and most of all, he was so passionate with every kiss he gave her and every movement of his body. He held her hand tight, intertwining his fingers with hers, and gasped.

It kept feeling like the first time. And as cheesy as it could sound, making love quietly, staring at each other's eyes was the sweetest way to start all over again.

- "I'm..."- that was all he managed to mumble after a while, making his best to last a little longer, though he could see she was gonna climax with him any second now.

- "Me too"- she whispered, trying not to moan too loud, hiding her lips in his neck to muffle down the sounds that kept coming from her as she felt her body explode in pleasure. Matthew hid in the pillow as he released inside of her, moving slowlier with every second. When he finally stopped, he propped on his elbows and looked at her, kissing her lips and the top of her nose with a warm smile.

- "Are you ok?"- and she nodded- "I love you, Yami"

- "I love you too, Akumu"- she murmured and felt a knot in her throat after she spoke those words, a massive wave of relief taking over her body. Neither of them moved. They just looked and kissed each other for the next minutes in silence. Until he slowly slipped out of her, got off the bed, and grabbed his backpack.

- "So... do you wanna make it official again?"- Matthew opened a velvet box and showed her their engagement ring as Joey narrowed her eyes, confused.

- "Where did you get that?"

- "I left it at your bedside table a couple of weeks ago, and you never moved it from there... I thought maybe it meant you weren't ready to let it go completely, which gave me hopes..."- the young man's velvety voice made Joey shiver as he got back under the covers of the bed with her and cuddled.

- "You stole the engagement ring you gave me?"- the young woman raised an eyebrow teasing him.

- "Technically... I took it back to give it to you again"- he held her hand and slipped the ring in her finger, to then kiss it sweetly and stare at her. She sighed at the sensation of his lips on his hand. Such a little touch could have so many effects on her.

- "So..."- Joey whispered after a few seconds, still trying to wrap her mind around what was going on- "I don't mean to ruin the moment, but I need to get clean up, so I'll be right back."

Matthew chuckled and watched her putting on her pajama and then walk to the bathroom. He could laugh and cry at the same time. It was too much happiness, much more than he had ever imagined. She still loved him.

- "Come here"- he tapped on the bed as soon as Joey walked back to the room. She put on the rest of her pajamas and quickly got under the blankets with Matthew. He wrapped his arms around her, locking her in a sweet hug. She hid her face from the world and rested it on his chest, and felt him running his fingers through her hair slowly.

- "I still think it's unfair you used Mr. Darcy's words to get me back, you know"- the young woman whispered and looked at Matthew, raising an eyebrow, causing him to chuckle.

- "It's by far the most romantic speech you've ever heard, deal with it"- he smiled and kissed her lips softly- "And you love it."

- "That's why it's unfair. You knew that was gonna melt me"

- "You could have also hit me. It was a very good chance"- Joey made a pause and looked at the ceiling pretending to be thinking deeply.

- "You are right, I should have for infringement of copyright"- she answered and grinned as Matthew pretended to be shocked by her words. She leaned and kissed the tip of his nose for a second, watching how his face glared in happiness.

- "To be honest, I read the copy of the book you had back home, and you had that speech underlined"- Matthew whispered, pecking her lips as he spoke- "I remember you crying on that part of the movie too many times... and that smooth bastard spoke the words I wanted to say to you, so..."- Joey giggled and looked into his eyes.

- "Yes, Darcy is smooth... you've been smooth too."

- "Really? When?"- he stroked her back sweetly as they talked, intertwined in her bed, wrapped in a tight hug.

- "Well... coming on tour with me was pretty romantic"- she confessed in a whispered, slightly embarrassed voice.

- "Did that melt your heart?"- Matthew lowered an octave of his voice as he asked that question, and she shivered.

- "I won't confirm it, but I won't deny it either"

- "I'll take that as a yes"- she smiled and bit her lips, thinking she had longed to be like that with him for long. It felt like a dream.

- "The banners were a good idea too."

- "Paget suggested it..."- Joey pretended to be shocked, smiling

- "I take everything back! I won't marry you. You are a fraud, Matthew Gray Gubler!"

- "No! Yami!"- he hugged her even tighter and kissed her neck- "Please don't leave me!"- and her giggles could be heard all over the house- "I just followed her advice! 'Cos it was pretty good advice, you can't deny that."

- "It's true... she is a good friend"

- "Can we send her a picture together?"- Matthew asked, pouting- "She has been so supportive with me, keeping me alive all these weeks without you and trying to cheer me up, encouraging me to fight for you."

- "We are in bed"- the girl raised an eyebrow, though she knew she was going to say yes.

- "Please"- he begged with puppy eyes

- "Fine..."

- "Can I also post it all over the internet to show people I have the cutest fianceé on earth?"

- "I'm not sure about that"- she frowned right away- "You can do that when I look like the hottest girlfriend on earth... maybe tomorrow, when I'm on my makeup"

- "You are the hottest now"- he furrowed his brows as he stared at her- "Why would you say that?"

- "You think so 'cos you love me, Matthew. You are not being objective"- he grabbed his phone from the bedside table and sighed.

- "You are the most beautiful woman I've ever seen, period. Now come here, let's make Paget happy"- Joey cuddled closer and felt Matthew's lips on her cheek as she smiled.

Gubler texted the picture to his friend, and she replied in a minute, with a million congratulations to the two of them. Yes, she was glad her friend was happy, 'cos she knew he deserved it.

- "I love you"- Joey whispered, feeling Matthew's chest hold a deep breath as she spoke.

- "I love you too"- he kissed the top of her head and sighed- "I could repeat it all night long."

- "I believe you, but we need to sleep. I'm so tired..."- Joey yawned, and Matthew smiled, kissing the same spot on her head again.

- "Sleep Yami, good night"- he rocked her sweetly, and she let out a sweet sighed.

- "Night night Akumu"- it was only a couple of minutes until she had drifted off in dreams in his arms.

- "Please, never lose your faith in me"- he whispered, caressing her hair.

**

taglist @all-tings-diego @worryd0ll

Do you wanna talk about this story, or be added to the taglist? send me a message here

[wannabemobwife]

Guns, Glamour and Goodfellas - Chapter 17

Chapter 17: Blood is Thicker than Water

Dad!Mob!Tom x Mom!Mob!Reader

-Pairings: Tom Holland x Reader, Rosie Holland x Henry Osterfield, Rosie Holland x Linus Perry

-Warnings: References to sex, language, typos, sad thoughts, attempted suicide, vomiting

-Words: 4.4K

A/n: Thank you so mucg guys with all the live support. Finally done, yay, with part 1

Chapter 17: Blood is Thicker than Water

Words: 4.4K

Four years had passed and Rosie was the only one to stick around. Everything had changed. You and Tom were currently on your trip around the world. Traveling everywhere from Cuba to Greece. Taking in sights of the world.

Embarking on journey covering 3 continents and 10 countries so far. You had already visited the Taj Mahal in India, the Amalfi Coast for some sun, and Iceland just for the blue lagoon hot springs. You and Tom were having the time of your lives, it being the perfect distraction from everything back home.

Rosie was running the mob along with her new right hand and consigliere, Linus. Rosie had been taking on the mantle as the new leader of the Holland mob. Picking up where Parker left off. Trying to do him justice. Tom had helped her learn the ropes but she always had that fiery personality desired for a mob persona.

After four years, Rosie learned to embrace her grief instead of shoving it away, she began to visit Parker’s grave more and more. Tried to every week, but life got in the way. She would bring a new set of flowers to freshen up the old ones.

She knew today would be especially hard, every year it was impossible. Rosie could barely get through the day. Today was her 20th birthday, marking 4 years of celebrating without Parker.

Rosie and Henry’s relationship had grown into one full of misery. Trapped in a loveless relationship, but he was still her best friend. With just one look he would know what she was thinking.

Over the past couple years, Henry has been so obsessed with keeping her safe that it was driving her mad. Rosie understood that Henry didn’t want to lose her like he lost Parker, but Rosie ran a mob and danger followed her everywhere. They started drifting apart when everything happened with the Holland family, creating unfixable cracks in their foundation.

Lately, Rosie had been feeling someone watching her every move. Following her whenever she would be downtown. Feeling a presence she hasn’t felt in a while. Constantly shivering in fear, feeling as though she was observed. From then on, every move she made was calculated and thought out.

When Rosie first took on the mantle, she cleaned house. Eliminating those whose loyalty would always lie with Tom. Trying to affirm the fact that she was so much more than just Tom’s daughter. She had let William go and few others because she brought in Linus.

Even after starting her new regime, things have been a bit off, lately. She hasn’t been sleeping through the night. She’d jolt out of sleep, drenched in a cold sweat. Henry would be startled awake as well by her movement as move to comfort her.

“Roo, you okay?” Henry asked groggily, yawning a bit. Rosie gasping to catch her breath. Her dreams were supposed to be an escape but now they were doing more harm than good. “I don’t know. I keep having these dreams about Parker. Like he was trying to tell me something,” Rosie said, gathering her bearings. It wasn’t everyday she was visited by her deceased twin brother. “From beyond the grave?…Rosie, he’s gone,” Henry pondered. “I know, I just can’t shake this feeling. That he is… he’s.”

“What? Still alive? Honey, we buried him. You cried over him. If he was still alive don’t you think we would’ve shown his face by now. Wilson and Carter are gone, they have been for awhile now,” Henry explained, hoping it would bring her some solace. Henry wasn’t blind to the change in her demeanor, she did open up to him about being followed everywhere she went. “I guess you’re right. But my dreams feel so real,” Rosie whispered, lying back down. Ready to drift off into a deep sleep. One not tainted by the memory of Parker. “Go, back to sleep baby.” Henry said, he knew they would be getting up in a few hours anyway. Tomorrow was a very big day. Henry knew he and Rosie had been drifting but he was all set to give her the best birthday ever.

Henry had bought tickets for you and Tom to fly in for her birthday and stay for awhile. This time of year was hard for all of you but it wasn’t fair to Rosie. The day that is supposed to be about her has always been shared but now no one dared acknowledge it. It was just a reminder of what had been lost.

“Good morning, beautiful. Happy birthday,” Henry whispered, peppering her face in kisses as the morning sun shone through the curtains.

“Thank you,” Rosie sighed. Every year was a challenge. It got a little better every year but she knew she would never fully accept his absence.

“What do you have planned today?” Henry inquired, he was always one for big gestures. He absolutely hated that she no longer enjoyed her birthday.

As a kid she loved the idea of turning a year older, getting to grow up and getting loads of presents of course. You always made the priority of throwing the most perfect themed parties for Rosie and Parker. One year they had a pirate themed pool party with a treasure hunt and another a circus/carnival theme with fair games and a petting zoo. You loved going all out for their birthday. Just spoiling them in general.

Rosie and Parker, also Tom, can’t forget about him, made life worth living. You and Tom did everything for your kids, never wanting them to feel an ounce of sadness.

But the times had changed, you were no longer the mother to a son. It was just Rosie and you thanked God everyday that she was still there but your heart will forever be scarred.

Scars take forever to heal, sometimes never. There will never be a day when you don’t miss Parker or he doesn’t cross your mind. Everything you did from the moment he died was for him, in one way or another. You knew the grief would never stop but you hoped Rosie would one day be able to move on with life.

“You know…” Rosie murmured. “Oh yeah, say hi for me,” Henry nodded along remembering Rosie was going to spend the day next to her better half, Parker.

Rosie proceeded to get dressed and ready for the day. She wore a tight grey dress showing off the perfect curves of her body. And a pair of black high heels to complete her power woman ensemble. “Henry, you aren’t throwing me a party right? I really don’t want one,” Rosie inquired. Rosie would prefer to have all birthdays pass and wash away but she knew Henry wouldn’t allow that. At the most she would have a nice dinner with him and watch a movie.

“You’ll just wait to find out,” Henry grinned cheekily. In reality he was throwing her surprise party to help her find the joy in her birthday again.

“Henry seriously, not this year,” Rosie announced. “It’s never any year. You haven’t celebrated in 3 years. You need to get over this.”

“Get over what? The death of my twin brother?” Rosie asked, astounded at Henry’s previous statement. The nerve he had, wow.

“Roo, I’m sorry,” Henry tried to apologize but Rosie left in a huff.

“Talk later, Linus is waiting for me,” Rosie yelled, already walking out of the room. “Linus, you ready to go?” Rosie said, as she found him drinking coffee in her kitchen. He sat at the bar, legs dangling off the chair as she came down. “Yes, Roo,” he said, a little out of breath from taking the awe of her beauty.

“Please don’t call me that around Henry… What’s on the agenda?” Rosie asked Linus as she poured herself her own cup of coffee.

“Well, Shaw owes you 3 million and the deadline you gave him expired,” Linus explained, he knew Rosie hated having things held over her head. She would prefer to get them out of the way as soon as possible.

“Well then, let’s go pay him a visit. I could use a drink. Afterwards, can you drop me off at the cemetery?” “Of course, Roo,” Linus said. Rosie huffed in response, rolling her eyes at the name. Linus loved to get a rise out of Rosie. Her remarks to his comments were just a sign of their playful banter.Rosie’s relationship with Linus was complicated. They were partners, most of the time.

Rosie had gone really dark over the past years. There were days where she refused to get out of bed. Sitting in bed wasting the entire day away. Henry would come home from work and try his best to comfort her but after Parker he was just as lost as her. They lived in the same house but not truly together. Not as lovers, maybe as roommates.

All Rosie could feel were thoughts of hopelessness, desolation, and misery. Never being able to find that light at the end of the tunnel. She didn’t deserve to find it, thinking she was the one who pushed you and Tom away. Blaming herself for Parker. All these feelings and Henry wasn’t there, too busy with his own life.

One day, Rosie had gotten real low. Couldn’t find a way out so she went to the gun room grabbed the closest pistol, a bottle of scotch, a glass and sat in Tom’s office. She rested on Tom’s chair trying to find the will to end it all. To point the pistol and pull the trigger.

It would be so easy, the flick of a finger. No more pain. She tried not to think about everything she was giving up. Never seeing you or Tom again, or Henry. Never loving him again, if they ever did manage to find their way back to each others arms. Never experiencing the things that made life worth living.

All her thoughts were halted as Linus barged in. He stopped dead in his tracks as he saw the broken girl hold a gun unto her temple, its safety clicked off. The room was cold as an icy chill ran down his spine.

“Rosie, what are you doing!?!” Linus thundered, trying to stop her before she pulled the trigger. “I don’t know. I think I’m trying to end it all,” Rosie whispered as tears streamed down her face. Deep down she didn’t want to pull the trigger, she wasn’t ready to say goodbye.

“End what all? Your life?” Linus asked, trying to talk her off the metaphorical ledge. Something had to happen that pushed her to this point. Rosie had to be drowning and calling out for help but no one came. “No, it was never about killing myself. It was just about ending the pain and suffering,” she cried.

“Rosie, listen to me. There is so much more you have to live for. This will pass. Think about everything you are giving up.” Linus tried to appeal to the people she loved, you, Tom, and Henry. Losing Rosie would no longer make you a mother. How could Rosie take that away from you?

“I already have and it hasn’t, for 2 years. How do you know it will get any better?” Rosie begged for a true answer. She had been slumping around, letting the days pass her by as she stood silent, screaming non-vocally for help. Trapped in an asylum of misery. “I don’t. But I’ll be there to help you,” Linus exclaimed, giving her the truthful response she wanted. Rosie just needed to hear that she wasn’t alone in this world anymore. “No, you won’t. You’ll just leave like everyone else. Henry doesn’t love me anymore. My parents left. I’m all alone.” “Roo, you aren’t alone. Just hand me the gun and we can work this out. I’m not going anywhere. I’ll always be here,” Linus pleaded. That was the first time he had used that nickname. The name had been reserved for only Henry, Parker and you. In that moment Rosie saw someone she missed so dearly in Linus, Parker. Parker was the only person who was 100% there for her. He was there to talk her off the ledge. He was there at her weakest and in a split second he was standing in front of her.

Rosie gave in, removing the gun from her temple, clicking the safety one and handing it over. She slowly stood up, coming over to Linus and collapsed in his arms. Rosie whispered a small “I missed you” as he held the broken girl. He was the only one who could pull her out. Not Henry, god she wished it was Henry. Linus understood her pain and didn’t try to fix everything.

Henry was the opposite. Constantly worrying about Rosie and trying to find a solution for everything. Things from the slightest backache to feelings of hopelessness. Rosie didn’t need fixing she just needed to be heard and Linus made sure she was. At Harmon’s, the bar was quite empty. Just Shaw and a few of his men. Shaw has borrowed money from Rosie to clear of a few charges. The Holland name had some pull in the legal community. Dating back to Dom’s days but Tom mostly laid down roots.

Linus entered first, firing two shots to take out Shaw’s capos. “Jesus Christ,” yelled Shaw as his protection thudded against the floor.

Rosie followed Linus in, making her presence known, “Shaw, you know I’m not a fan of people not staying true to their word. Do you have my money?”

“Rosie, doll. I paid you in full already. If this just your sad attempt to stir something up we can work this out another time. Shoo, let me finish my drink,” Shaw snickered. “Shaw, I know your games. You have 3 minutes to transfer my money right now. One for each million. I have Linus checking for a deposit of 3 million, make this simple and do it,” Rosie stated with an unchanging expression. “I need more time, that’s not enough. It’s all in separate accounts,” Shaw asserted, his voice starting to waver as he stared down the barrel of her pistol. “Well then, I’d hurry if I were you. Here’s your phone. Just wire the money… Starting now,” Rosie exclaimed as Linus devoted his stare to watch. Glancing at the seconds tick away.

“Fine, I’m going,” Shaw screamed, about to crack under the pressure.

“2 minutes left,” Linus chimed in. “Okay, I’m just inputing the dollar amount, it’s a lot of zeros.” Shaw tried to explain. He was about to lose his life because he was slow.

“50 secs.”

“I’m going, I’m going.”

“10, 9, 8, 7, 6—“

“I’m done,” Shaw said, letting out the breath he was holding.

“That was fast but not fast enough,” Rosie whispered raising her gun square to the back of his head. Her finger slipped to the trigger and fired a shot.

BANG

“Wow, I didn’t think you actually kill him,” Linus said, impressed by her ruthlessness.

“He was getting on my nerves, besides he will never borrow money from me again if he is dead,” Rosie chuckled. “You know I found that really hot,” Linus whispered in her ear. “You always do.” Rosie grinned at his advances, trying to pull her close to his chest. “Hey, this can’t keep happening.”

“Oh, come on. You say that every time. I can’t hide my feelings for you anymore.”

“Well, you are going to have to. I was clear about what this was. So I’m going to ask you this once more time, what do you want?” “I want you.” “Well you can have me in the bathroom in 2 minutes.” “Roo, you’re too good to me,” Linus smirked, following her as she glided to the restroom.

Everything lasted about 30 mins. They were in and out in a flash. The bar now smelled of sex and a dead bodies. Linus was the first to finish, coming out of the bathroom looking disheveled as hell. Sporting the same juts had a quickie look. Linus went to pull the car around after fixing his hair in the mirror.

Linus would never be Henry and that was a good thing, Linus was different. By no circumstances was Rosie in love with Linus or will ever be in love with him, he was merely a distraction. Rosie knew her relationship with him was wrong but he made her feel alive once more.

Rosie emerged from bathroom breathing heavy, almost gasping for air, with sweat glistening on her chest. She straightened out her dress as combed down her hair. Stepping out of the doorway, the smell of a fresh rotting body hit her.

Rosie immediately turned around and lunged for the toilet. She had been in the business for 3 years and never before had her body reacted this way. She hurled into the toilet for a good ten minutes. Eventually bringing her head out of the toilet bowl to wipe off her mouth. The air was now coupled with sex, dead bodies and vomit. She was clueless to what forced her to keep her head in a toilet bowl.

After her nausea spell passed her, she had Linus drop her off near the cemetery. “Oh, you can drop me off here. I need something from the pharmacy anyways,”Rosie informed Linus. She was planning on picking up something for her stomach, it was very unlikely for her to throw up suddenly.

“Ok, Roo. Do you need a ride home?” Linus questioned.

“No, Jared is supposed to pick me up. Thank you,” Rosie exclaimed, getting out of the car. “Alright. Happy birthday by the way. Can I have a kiss goodbye?” “Thank you and no. I’ll see you later.”

“Yeah for the party,” Linus called out slowly driving away. “Wait! What did you say?” Rosie remarked but he was already long gone.

Rosie was mentally kicking herself, she didn’t have the willpower to deal with a party tonight. She specifically told Henry, not to throw one but since when did he listen to her.

Their road to ultimately heartbreak was a two way street. Both of them had done something to warrant the loveless relationship. Rosie admitted to herself, that she eventually did stop trying. She stopped constantly asking if Henry wanted to go out for dinner and what time he would be home. Rosie prefers to blame Henry but in reality, she was then one who let go first.

Rosie stopped showing him love, too distraught by his every move because it was a constant reminder her brother wasn’t there anymore. Henry would try to work him into every little conversation, remembering Parker in everything. It grew too much for Rosie. Rosie had never been one for confronting her feelings, preferring to shove them down but how could she, when Henry would never shut up about Parker.

Parker was the main reason a wedge had been driven between them, but she wouldn’t dream of blaming her dead brother. Who couldn’t even defend himself. Rosie needed a reset after Parker but Henry was stuck living in the past.

Rosie was ready to start her life with Henry after graduation but he couldn’t let go. After a while, Rosie became just like him. Stuck drifting into a void of pure sadness. Rosie couldn’t let go, along with Henry. Their lives went in different directions, Rosie was blossoming into a ruthless leader who would only act soft around Parker, vowing to visit his grave everyday. And Henry got left behind at some point, not seeing how he fit in her life anymore.

In the pharmacy she scanned the aisles for some sort of quick remedy. If Henry was throwing her a surprise party, one she specifically asked not for. Rosie didn’t have days to recuperate, maybe a few hours.

She found the largest bottle of Pepto-Bismol and stopped by the card aisle. Carefully grasping a birthday card for her favorite person. One that was funny yet endearing. Parker was addicted to all the corned jokes she would crack. She made her way to the register. In front of her stood a little old woman, she wore a purple floral dress and her white stained hair was pulled into a clip.

“Just this for you sweetie? Oh, who’s birthday is it?” Asked the little lady, referring to the birthday card Rosie grabbed for Parker.

“My brother’s and um, could I also get this,” Rosie responded as her eyes glanced below her. Skimming over the candy bars, gum packets and eventually landing on a pregnancy test. Come to think of it, Rosie was late about a week and a half.

“Of course, honey. Would you like to use the restroom?” Queried the lady. Rosie nodded in response. She finished paying and quickly made her way to the restroom. Following the directions on the box carefully, she needed to be a hundred percent sure, before she told anyone.

Right around the corner was the cemetery. She glided through iron gates, walking across the cobble stone path before she came upon the place she loved most in the world. The place where she would hold nothing back, spilling everything to him.

Life of a mob boss was dangerous but things started to seem eerie for Rosie. She would feel weird presences or someone watching her at eerie times. The same feeling plagued her at the cemetery, today. She knelt down to the headstone, engraved in it read “Here Lies Parker Jackson Holland, Taken from us too soon, a son, a brother, and a friend.”

“Hey, P. You probably get tired of me visiting you. Everyday I’m here and sometimes I think I do it for my benefit more than yours. I hope that wherever you are, you are happy and most likely you are with Charlotte. I’m happy for you, Parker. No matter how much I wish you were here with me, I know that you are happy that you escaped this life. Happy 20th birthday.” Rosie whispered, fixing the flowers that began to wilt from yesterday.

“I have some really amazing news to share with you, but it will have to wait till next time. You can’t be the first person I tell, I’m sorry. He deserves to know before you…. Oh my god, you’ll never believe what happened at work…”

This is the one thing that brought Rosie solace. She persistently blames herself for that fateful night 3 years ago. Rosie would spend hours kneeling next to his headstone. She would tell him about her life and read off the postcards you and Tom sent from your travels. Talking to him as if he was still there.

Rosie glanced at her watch, it was half past five and she hadn’t even called Jared yet to pick her up. “I’m sorry P, I gotta go. Henry, god love him but, that bastard is throwing me a birthday party. I guess I should at least make an appearance. I’ll see you tomorrow, I love you.” Rosie said, walking towards the parking lot.

She stood under the gate for ten minutes waiting for Jared to arrive and escort her home. The weather completely shifted as the sun set around her. The once blue sky changed to one painted with vibrant yellows and pinks. The sky was a sight not to be missed but she could do without the freezing winds that accompanied.

A chill ran down her spine as she waited in the darkness. Feeling a sensation that only warranted panic. Rosie felt someone watching her once again. Maybe from a far or up close, but she definitely wasn’t alone. It was silly that she let feelings like those get to her. She was a mob boss for god sakes, scaring even the most menacing of men into submission.

Rosie eyes started darting everywhere a noise left. In the corner of her eye she caught a figure drenched in shadows approaching. She tried to scramble for her gun, but soon realized she left it in Linus’s car.

The stranger kept making advances and managed to get to her. He wrapped his arms around her and pressed a cloth to her mouth. Causing her to be consumed in darkness as her body grew limp.

Back at the manor, Henry was setting everything up perfectly. His mission was to make Rosie love her birthday once more. While Henry was working hard at hanging the birthday banner and decorating every corner with balloons, Linus was no help at all. Lounging on the couch and finishing a beer.

“So are you going to pick up Rosie and get off your ass?” Henry barked, pulling the coffee out from under Linus, causing him to spill his beer.

“Seriously, dude. What’s your problem?” Linus snapped.

“My problem is my girlfriend isn’t here. Aren’t you supposed to pick her up?” “No, Jared is.” “Linus, Jared is here. He has been for a few hours. Where is she?” Henry questioned, starting to worry. “I don’t know. Last, I left her at the cemetery.” “Henry! It’s so good to see you,” you cheered as Tom and you walked in. Hugging Henry after not seeing him for awhile. It still pained you to visit, traveling was the perfect distraction.

“Hope you have been taking care of yourself, son. Where’s Rosie?” Tom questioned. “Yeah, I’ve been good. At the moment, I don’t know where she is. She’s missing,” Henry concluded. You and Tom stood completely still as you processed the news. It wasn’t everyday that your daughter would disappear into thin air, but her job did keep her life in danger.Rosie missing was uncommon. It had happened once or twice in the past but that was 3 years ago. So much had changed, for the better. Yet, you were once again in the same place, in the house you left because everything was too familiar. Rosie missing was all too familiar.

Rosie came to. Opening her eyes to a place she chose to forget. For all she knew it was an exact replica. Warehouses riddled all of London’s ports, she could be anywhere.

“Text your driver and tell him Henry picked you up for a special birthday dinner,” Rosie’s kidnapper barked, thrusting a phone in front of her.

“Really? You kidnapped me? After 3 years of being leader of London’s most feared mob, it’s like been there done that. Do you want money or something? I have a party to get to.” Rosie quipped, annoyed with they man’s pursuits.

“Oh, I know. I believe happy birthday is granted. 20 years is a milestone.”

“Whatever, I don’t really like my birthday anyway.”

“Wanna talk about it?” The stranger pestered on. Rosie had learned lesson from the last time she was restrained to chair, rope around her wrists and ankles, ceasing blood flow. This time it was zip ties, a little basic for any mobster she has had a run with.

“No. I want you to let me go. Seriously, what do you want? I don’t think you know who I am. Or who my father is,” Rosie asserted.

“A moment alone together is all I ask and I know exactly who you are and who your dad is. Correction, who our dad is.”

“Parker.”

A/n: Finally the end. Alright, I'm going to bed. There is no set schedule for the sequel series, I'm just going to post a chapter when I finish writing it. Let me know if you like to be tagged in the sequel chapters.

Guns, Glamour and Goodfellas Masterlist

Taglist: @thenoddingbunny-blog @adriannauni @dummiesshort @bi-lmg @allthisfortommy @quaksonhehe @housepartyprotocol

[aggresivelyfriendly]

‘Tis the Damn Season- Chapter 7 Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)

Author’s Note- anybody still with me? If not, totally understand. This one is self edited- sorry I’m advance. Reblogs are still and always love!

“Are you sure I can't convince you to come home this Christmas?" Her mother's voice had just a tinge of loneliness, but Emma was set and certain.

"I think I would really like to have a Scandi Christmas this year mum! And I think the best present you could give me is to come and do it with me!"

They'd had this conversation eleventy million times. Emma knew her mum was doing so much better, and that her being in Holmes Chapel, even alone, would be ok, she'd be ok. Emma just knew they'd have so much fun in her newly reclaimed life abroad fusing old traditions with the ones they would make. Her mum was just resistant, she loved her home, was a certified home body, and now that it didn't hurt quite so bad, she loved the reminders of all the Christmases before. She was bathing in nostalgia with a smile on her face and a sweet ache inside.

Emma didn't feel the same. She'd had a fair few wonderful holidays in Holmes Chapel, but to many revolved around Harry Styles, and well, Emma's life did not revolve around Harry. Had never and didn't even have the axis centered around December 26 for a once a year moment any more.

She'd just really gotten back into her own life. Well, Emma patted herself on the back, she'd been living her way for 8 months now, that was almost as long as the 9 months she'd stayed in Holmes Chapel.

When her mother had assured her she was well enough that Emma could go to Iceland, the thought of ice capped fjords in summer thrilled her as though she was climbing them, not just studying them.

So she did.

She felt so much better, and her mother was better and she'd climbed to the top of her trail back to her own life, the one she'd made out of choice and ambition and only been sorry for in brief, lonely morning afters.

Emma wanted to share her life with her mother more than anything, certainly more than she wanted to spend a holiday in a place she now almost entirely associated with hurt. Heartache takes many forms, deep and abiding grief, the kind like she imagines phantom limbs give amputees years on. It also can hurt like a quick sharp mishap, a slip of the knife, full of crimson pain and stitches.

She'd had both together and then his deep cut on top of the other last Christmas. The wound was too fresh to go back at the moment. The good memories were still colored crimson. She needed to wait until her lover's memory flashed with true colors instead of red or blue. Her father's memory was cozier and longer, it was wrapped around the warm pink of her mother, but even it was still too tender.

She needed time.

Emma also had no idea where Harry was these days. She'd cut off all methods of inquiry.  She wasn't staying up late googling even, ever, not anything. Not his naked or Camille's. They'd be going on well into their second trip round the sun by now. Probably more deeply in love than he openly confessed to her. Emma didn't need evidence of it. It just opened the stitches she'd sewn herself.

So, no Holmes Chapel, no Google alerts or text messages. She'd blocked his number.

"Well, I suppose if you insist, we can try Amsterdam for Christmas." Her mother covered the sigh at the end of that sentence and Emma appreciated it. She suppressed a wry smile. Her mother could also still hear it in her reply she was sure.

"Oh mum! You won't regret it. It will be so lovely! I can't wait. I'll meet you at the airport, then we will go to my favorite cafe and take a snow walk. It will be picturesque. You'll fall in love, you'll see."

"Alright, darling. I'll give it a chance. I just hate to miss Anne's party two years in a row." Emma cringed and was happy this was not a video chat. She almost gasped and blew her cover when her mum said. "Won't you miss Anne's party? You're close with Gemma, and" she breathed while her mother hesitated, "and Harry?"

God, did everyone know?

"It'll be fine mum. I'll call Gemma. She'll understand."

She would, after they'd had that conversation the last time they'd spoken.

Gem had not really cornered her so much as insisted they get out of the house as often as possible from the day after Boxing Day until she'd left to head back to London.

She, the lovely friend that she was, didn't actually bring it up until she was back for Mother's Day. And she waited until Emma told her she was headed back to her program in the fall with a twinkle in her eyes even Emma knew had been long gone for too long.

Ever the blunt one, Gemma didn't even cozy up to the subject, "so did you break his heart or did he break yours?" She took a big sip of her cider and leveled her state over the rim at Emma.

Emma could feel her face blanching or heating or giving some indication who's heart was broken. Her elegant side step to that mine field was, "huh?" Then a moment later. "Who are you talking about?" To Gemma's patient silence.

"Alright, if that's how you want to be." Gemma playfully rolled her eyes. "You and my brother are not stealth, at all. You would make eyes at each other all night at my mum's and then disappear for the same amount of time. Remember I live with him."

"Do not." Emma didn't bother to deny it.

"I suppose not really, but as much as any one "lives"with him, I do over Christmas, and did for most of my life. I know when he's smitten with someone, and when he's got them around his little finger too." Gemma snorted and ate a chip. "His stupid walk even changes, all of a sudden he swaggers and walks hip first. It's gross!" Her face screwed up.

Emma tried to remember if she had ever seen this hip walk. She supposed she had when he'd walk towards her at the Boar's Head. Or occasionally when he'd corner her by the mistletoe.

"It's not gross." Slipped out.

"That right there," Gemma pointed. "Is gross. Your face all soft and flushed for my little brother. Bleach!" She sighed mixed with a bit of good humor. "But I suppose that means he broke your heart. I can't believe he just turned up with another lady. Did you at least know? I feel like I always know way to much about my brother's sex life."

"Huh?" Emma laughed.

"I just feel like I know way too much about his sex life, due to blind items and pap shots. Thought you might feel the same."

"It's not so simple as that, really. I knew because of that, about his girlfriend." Still couldn't say her name. "But I think he felt like I'd broken his heart, if I'm honest. And That's why he turned up with her. To hurt me back, in case I hadn't seen."

"Did you."

"Certainly not on purpose. My heart and head and life were in shambles, still are, and he made an assumption, and never let me explain."

"Why don't you explain to me."

So she did, haltingly, Emma talked about it all, tears on her cheeks about her dad and then her mum, and even Harry. The sad footnote of loss in a story of grief.

"Why didn't you just tell him?" Gemma asked the question Emma asked herself a lot.

"I guess, I couldn't say it and I couldn't text it. And it confirmed to me that he really only knew me so little, that he could think I'd take advantage of him."

"Did you ever think that was more to do with how other people have treated him than you? he's had to learn to expect the worst of people he wants to trust?"

"Don't make me feel bad for him. Remember? He broke my heart and found someone new. Had the audacity to move on before me!" Emma tried to joke.

"I think, I think you guys got into a mess and never bothered to clean it up until it was so unkempt you couldn't find the good parts." Gemma said after a quiet, mirthless moment.

"Oh no!" Emma tapped her head. "I kept all the good parts."

"Firstly, blech, I wish I could bleach that smile from my head, but 2nd-Is that enough?" Gemma asked.

"It'll have to be, I suppose." She swallowed the moisture in her eyes, "he told me he loves her. Straight to my broken face. Then piled on how he never got the time to love me."

Gem looked curious, then cautious, "I think he does. But it's cuz he wants to. Wants that desperately, to be in love. It may be some leftovers from you."

"Yeah?" Her eyes really pooled then and she bat her cheek to stop more from swarming. "Well I'll have to take that as cold comfort then, that she gets the seed of love he wanted to grow with me."

"I'm sorry. Sure he is too." Gemma sighed. "I'm so sorry for all of it."

"Yeah, yeah." Emma leaned on her friend, her only real one right then. "Me too."

And they left it at that. Emma's eyes were swimming and Gemma blinked a few times too rapidly. They hoisted their glasses. "To almosts!" Emma said.

"To dad's!" Gemma said. Then they both did cry.  Talked about Robin's diagnoses. Then it was Emma's turn to be the shoulder, to bolster.

Life went on, the way it always seems to do. Emma and her mom laughed more and then her mum even laughed on her own. By that summer, they both stood on their own two feet, without leaning on each other, except when they wanted to.

By June, there was no reason to stay.

"So, are your roommates excited to have you back?"

Her mum was making tea and packing her sandwiches.

"Mum, I actually had to find mew roommates. The others had to fill the room I was in." She could see the down turn of her mum's lips from the side. Guilt was heavy. "It's not a big deal. The people I'm rooming with are other grad students, I know them. And it's works for the budget. Mum, you know I'm not riding the bus to camp right? I don't need a sandwich. There will be food at the airport and on the plane?"

"Won't be home cooked." Was all she said.

This wasn't for her then. It was some sort of amends, or a thank you. Like the tea she had taken to bringing to her to her room when she woke up, and before bed.

"That's true." Emma kissed her cheek, "I'm gonna go finish packing." She ate the sandwich on the plane later.

Counting bags, she frowned. She'd acquired a lot. She sincerely hoped the bag wasn't as heavy as her heart.

Emma was going to miss Holmes Chapel.

She did, surprisingly as much as she missed school the first 6 months she was home. Maybe, those feelings were tangled up in other events, the other missing pieces of her former puzzle.

I'm any case, she found herself better at keeping in touch

"So, any cute boys in Amsterdam?" Gemma chuckled over the phone one mid December afternoon.

"Don't you have a boyfriend?" Was Emma's laughing response.

"I do, I really do." And Gemma, the blunt tongued, fierce hearted girl sounded suspiciously like a woman in love. Then she pretended to complain, because she was Gemma, about how They were both a little spoon, pretending to be annoyed about it.

"I'm really happy for you." Emma interrupted, meant it, even though she still didn't know if there were any cute boys in Amsterdam because she was still hung up on the cute boy who spent Christmas in Holmes Chapel.

Gemma must have picked up the stain of blue in her voice, "Hey, Emma, I think maybe I should tell you something-"

The buzz from her hallway door went then, and Gemma didn't get to finish.

"Hey Gem, my flat mate lost her key. I'll have to ring you back. Tell me then?"

And then it was Christmas, well Christmas Eve and she was at Schipol with a giant sign that said, "Katherine the great( est mum)!"

"Oh, bless you! Could you have made a bigger sign?"

"I'm sure I could have tried. Maybe found some glitter. Think a flat mate has the body sort somewhere." Her mum narrowed her eyes and pinched her cheek.

"Well, if you've finished embarrassing me, show me this dreadful country that's not England and all it has in terms of festive cheer."

"Let's go get some nuts then!" Emma laughed.

"I beg your pardon?" Her mum put on the prude and Emma laughed at her over the top expression as they made their way to the train to the city center.

Her famous Danish bakery was the first stop. "I thought we would have a taste test. We can rate them."

"Do you already have a favorite?" Her mum asked.

"Yeah." Emma thought about the trifle Harry's mum made and that he'd sneak to the boar's head to feed her in bed. It had only taken him watching her eat it once for him to recognize her glee. It was his favorite too. "But, I want to know what yours is!" Emma brought her memory and watering mouth to the present moment.

They ate their way through Christmas Eve And decorated her Kerstbomen. "Sorry the tree is already up. They were starting to disappear for purchase, but reappear in everyone else's windows! I had to grab one."

"Oh, no dear, it's alright. And actually, I brought a gift from Anne. I saw her the other day and had been complaining about you making me come all the way over here-"

"It's an hour flight!"

"Well, I suppose it will do, but it's not home."

Thank god.

"Anywho, she came by the day after and brought a present for your tree." Her smile was so expectant, Emma was expecting the worst. "It's so important to have good friends." Her smile was cryptic. What friends- Anne to her mum or Gemma to her? Who was the present actually from.

The box was festive. And wrapped beautifully just like Anne's house was always decorated so well. Emma set it aside, "I'll open it tomorrow mum, On christmas, at the proper time."

"Oh no! You must open it now. Gemma told her mom it was for your tree." Ah, mystery solved. Gemma was great at wrapping. When Emma opened it, her heart stopped a full beat.

At first she thought it was the frog, the one she'd gotten for him. That he was giving it back to her like a seal on their relationship that never was. But when she picked it up, she realized it was a proper ornament, not just ornamental. It was a frog, holding a heart.

What Did that mean, whose heart was it?

His for her? Or hers back where he decided it belonged.

"Where will you put it?" Her mother interrupted her train of thought.

"Um, dunno," she moved around the tree to an inconspicuous place. "I guess here." She shrugged.

"Oh no, dear. It's by far the cutest one we have." Her hand scanned over the other ornaments, a hodge podge of beloved ones and ones from Christmas markets. "It goes here." Her Mum stood and took the ornament from its hidden place, placed it front and center. "Let's get the rest up and take a picture."

She'd gotten her mother an aura frame for Mother's Day and she was now obsessed with adding to the Revolving cue of photos.

"Course, ok." Emma ripped her eyes from the frog, but they kept drifting back to it.

It was an hour of a little too much wine and her mother's cheer. It lightened her spirit and got her mind off it's wandery at Harry's intentions, until after silly smiley photos and teary eyed huggy ones, her mum said, "now let's take one for Anne and Gemma. Show them how nice it looks.

Emma thought she'd done a good job at the photo, at arranging her face the way it was supposed to look.

She must have been wrong.

Later, a number she knew by heart but had no current contact for came through. "Your smiles fake. Do you not like it at all?"

She didn't answer it on Boxing Day, or the day after, it wasn't until New Year's Day that she realized she'd blown her resolutions to Smithereens before they could even uphold their name.

All she'd texted back to his cold question was, "how come you're the only person who can always tell."

She may have never noticed she'd done it, with the way her group chats were going off, except he replied before her hangover even subsided.

[lantur]

I mentioned on here before that I was pleasantly surprised that things with my mom went well with my parents' recent visit here. She had a huge, unexpected meltdown on me yesterday via text. She said that they might want to come visit during fall, and I asked her to let me know their travel dates to ensure I won't be out of town at the same time.

My mom told me I was "just like Safiya" who is a cousin of mine that my mom absolutely hates, because of how Safiya dresses (Safiya wears shorts and tank tops and so do I) and the fact that Safiya travels solo without her husband, which I also do. She said that my desire to travel solo (which I do because my husband has anxiety that prevents him from traveling, and he is FULLY SUPPORTIVE of me traveling solo) is an indicator that Derek and I have marital troubles. I told her as gently as I could that isn't the case. She insisted I was lying to her and that we have marital troubles I am not telling her about, and she heavily implied that I won't be happy in my relationship with Derek and that our relationship/marriage is doomed to fail BECAUSE OF ME.

Then she went on about how hurtful it is that I don't visit them in their state and that they have to come see me. (I still communicate with her regularly and text her every day to make sure she's okay. I cannot visit my parents and return to being under their roof even for a short visit. I did it in 2017 and it was not good for me.)

My mom has heaped verbal and emotional abuse on me for most of my life, telling me that I'm selfish, thoughtless, inconsiderate, etc. When I was a minor living under her roof, she told me my depression wasn't exist, told me I was "selfish" for having it, and dissuaded me from seeking treatment until I finally had enough after turning 18 and got on antidepressants. At that point, she told me I was "like a drug addict" for being on antidepressants. This is just the milder stuff. It has grown more and more intense over the years. There was a lot of unpleasantness last year around my wedding, which I wrote about. Also, she had another big incident earlier this year, when I went to Iceland. I moved halfway across the country and have gone low contact to get away from her.

But yesterday was a bridge too far. I love Derek more than anything else in this world. To have her insult our relationship like that was really too far. And the constant, direct comparisons to my cousin Safiya, who she often talks about what a low opinion she has of Safiya, was just really hurtful.

I've been torn about whether to confront her or not. In the past, when I've told my mom about how something she has said or done has hurt me, she doubles down and gets extra vicious. Every time she acts out (and then acts like nothing happened the next day) I just follow suit.

Derek thinks I shouldn't confront her because it will just get into another fight. I think I'm just going to keep going low(er) contact than I have been, and if she confronts me about it, then I'll be honest with her.

I feel like a stupid dog who doesn't learn its lesson. I wish I could have cut her off a long time ago because no one in my life has been more cruel to me than my mom. But like a stupid dog, I go back to her every time, trying to be kind and nice, trying to give her care and regard, even if I can't give her genuine love, because I feel sorry for her. I'm her only child and she doesn't have anyone else, since she has a bad relationship with my dad and no real relationship with her siblings. I go back to her every time, and I get kicked every time. I wish I had the strength to cut her off, but I know the guilt would crush me.

I'm posting all this because my therapist has no availability until the end of this month so I thought I would get it out.

[headinthestaticsky]

The Phenomenon of the Immortal Sun: Jasper Hale x Fleur Swan, Chapter 4

None of the characters in Twilight belong to me, all rights go to Stephenie Meyer.

Authors note: This will be a shorter chapter.

"She'll jump in the river You'll wish you're the water And like no one else could She does the woods."

She Does the Woods by, The Last Shadow Puppets.

The Drive to the airport was full of excitement and boarding the airplane was even better. My nagging question had finally been answered.

"I know you've always wanted to go to Iceland so... that's where we're going. I know you've always wanted to see the geysers, hot springs, and scenery."

"You are the best."

"Mmm I know I am." Jasper joked.

"I think your spending too much time with me that's something I could say."

"No amount of time will ever be enough," Jasper replied, pecking my lips.

Timeskip: After the plane ride.

The remote part of Iceland we were at was beautiful, the cloudy weather and freezing temperatures reminded me of home. When we arrived at our cabin it was a night out, the northern lights looked like they were peaking through the sky. The only sounds you could hear were the quiet winter wind, and the crunching of snow beneath our feet.

Jasper picked me up bridal style and opened up the cabin door. Everything felt so warm and cozy, it was exactly what I had in visioned it to be.

"You didn't have to carry me you know?" I teased.

"Can't help it Darlin, I am traditional," Jasper replied, dropping me down to the floor again. We both looked down at the bed, I bite down a smirk.

"You know, it'd be a shame to let this bed go to waste," I said I heard shuffling before I was thrown down onto the bed. I giggled before locking my lips with Jasper. I felt his lip travel down to my neck and I closed my eyes. Enjoying the sensation.

Timeskip: 2 weeks later.

The honeymoon was wonderful, the beautiful mountains and small little towns were a breath of fresh air. We could be out most time during the day since Iceland was quite cloudy. The hot springs and dormant volcanoes were interesting to view as well. The time spent in the cabin was very...intimate to say the least. Most of the pillows and the headboard were left undamaged. As wonderful as it was here, I was excited to go back home. Jasper and I decided we would need to find a house separate from the rest of the Cullens but, we would still be nearby. The airplane ride felt shorter than it did the first time and the drive felt equally as short even though it was a 2 hour drive. When we arrived at the Cullens we ran up to the door, eager to greet everyone.

"Fleur! I missed you so much!" I heard Rosalie explain, she smiled and pulled me in for a hug.

"I missed you too."

Alice and Esme hugged me too, asking me questions on how the honeymoon went.

"It was great, Iceland is beautiful."

I saw Emmett nudge Jasper in the ribs and wink at him.

"You two break a lot of stuff?" Emmett joked.

"No..." Jasper said he wasn't a very good liar.

"A lot of pillows did not survive the encounter but other than that... nothing else really broke." I said.

All the Cullens began to laugh.

"So... where's Bella and Edward? They were supposed to be back the same time we did." I asked.

"Oh they wanted to take another week off, they just love being all alone together." Rosalie said, she made a face that looked like she was about to be sick.

"Oh...did dad come by at all?" I said, I began to feel a little faint, it was probably because I hadn't hunted in a few days.

"Yeah, he and Carlisle talked mostly, Esme hung out with him too, she really likes him." Alice explained.

"That's good... I wonder where he is now." I went into that trance again. I was flying through the city when I spotted him... in the woods. What was he doing in the woods? He was backed up in front of a rock, someone was stalking toward him.

"Come on and make this easy for me I don't like meals that squirm." The vampire said... I had no idea who she was. But before I could see anything else I was out of the trance.

"Guys I have to go... a nomad, she's trying to kill dad... please let me save him." I pleaded.

"Go go, we understand, he doesn't deserve to get killed," Carlisle reassured me. I took off before anyone else could say anything. I began to feel weak, but I pushed through knowing that dad wasn't far from the house. When both of them came into view I ran toward the vampire.

"HEY! You stay away from my dad!" Before the vampire could do anything I pushed them so hard they flew through a tree, snapping them in half. I saw a shocked look on my dad's face. I couldn't say anything to him however as I collapsed to the ground, unable to move my body.

"Fleur? What the hell was that? How did you do that!? Fleur?" I felt my body being shooken.

"Fleur what's wrong?" I heard Jasper say, I saw Carlisle pulling Dad away, it seemed he was explaining something to him.

"I... I can't move..." Is all I muttered before "passing out."

[seriouslycromulent]

Random thoughts on ZSJL after 1st viewing

So dear DCEU fans, before I sit down to re-watch Zack Snyder’s Justice League again tonight, I thought I’d share some of my first impressions and thoughts on the film. I really wanted to take part in the watch party yesterday, but I knew I wouldn’t be able to give the film my full attention if I did so, especially since it would be my first viewing.

But now that I know what was inside my birthday gift (my birthday was March 18th), I can chat about it with others and discuss to my heart’s content. 

However, this is NOT that post. This is not a review. It’s just some of my initial thoughts and reactions, which may or may not change after multiple viewings. 

And yes, I will mark this post as “ZSJL spoilers” for anyone trying to remain unspoiled until they get a chance to watch it at their own pace.

Here we go ...

Question #1 - Why does Barry only burn out of his shoes, but nothing else he’s wearing when he moves to save Iris? Is it the friction against the floor? Or is it just convenient for the sake of visuals? We know the suit he made is designed to withstand wind and heat resistance when he moves, so when he’s not wearing it, are his clothes in danger of getting shredded if he moves fast enough? 

This isn’t snark. I’m genuinely curious. :-)

Reaction #1 - I know it’s blasphemous to speak positively about the theatrical release, but I kind of miss the opening credit sequence with the song playing over the images and interactions of people arguing, fighting and falling into despair after Supes died. I felt it was an apt response in the world in the wake of his death, and it suited Zack’s overall tone connecting BvS to this film from the start. I’m not saying the new opening is bad. Just that I kind of liked the theatrical one better.

Question #2 - Now this is kinda snarky. But does Arthur just leave sweaters and shirts littered all over the place whenever he goes below the surface? What if there’s no one there to pick it up like that lady in Iceland? 

Reaction #2 - I’m love, love, loving the much bigger role of the Amazons in this version. That battle scene with Steppenwolf is still brutal to watch, but the extra screen time is much appreciated.

Reaction #3 - I’m now calling the arrow shot into the Shrine of the Amazons the “Hanukkah Arrow” because it was a miracle the fire stayed lit during its entire journey to the Shrine and how it stayed lit until a film crew caught it on the news. 

R#4 - Even though I knew Victor’s car accident was coming, I was still shook when it happened. Like, I genuinely screamed when the other vehicle crashed into them. That’s how emotionally invested I was in that scene at the time.

R#5 - I liked the juxtaposition of going from Victor’s dysfunctional relationship with his dad to Barry’s sweet, but heartbreaking relationship with his dad. Way to mess with our emotions, Zack.

R#6 - “gorilla sign language” Tee-hee!

R#7 - Great placement with the suicide prevention billboard. It was both seamless and poignant. 

R#8 - As a fellow tea drinker, I like that Alfred is particular about how tea is made, even when the cup of tea isn’t for himself.

R#9 - It’s interesting to see how jerky Victor’s movements are in Chapter 3. I know he will move more smoothly as the film progresses, but I feel like that growth and development in his movements were missed in the theatrical release, which is a shame because it’s a great mirror to his psychological development as well. 

R#10 - It’s a shame how easily Steppenwolf captured the 2nd box thanks to King Orm’s incompetence. Ugh. I can’t stand that guy. 

Question #3 - Why is Arthur responsible for retrieving the box that was lost on his brother’s watch? He’s not king yet, so why does it fall to him? Whatever. Orm sucks.

Question #4 - OK. So I know this was in theatrical release, but how is it that the other team members disappeared when Commissioner Gordon turned his back and Barry didn’t notice it happening? That technically should be impossible unless Barry was distracted by a squirrel or something.

Favorite Hell Yeah Moment #1 - Barry saving the kidnapped people from being hit by the falling debris outside after the team rescues them from Steppenwolf. Go Barry! Do that shit!!! You don’t need lessons on how to be a f*cking hero!

R#11 - So Barry did trip in the original script. Interesting. I still don’t like that. It’s in character for where he is right now on his journey, but I still don’t like it.

Question #5 - Architectural question for the design nerds out there. Why does Lois have a glass pane in her front door in an apartment building in a major metro area in the US? That’s an odd design. Is it a renovated office building? Was her apartment at one point the office of a private detective in a noir film? I need answers.

Favorite Hell Yeah Moment #2 - The J’onn J’onzz reveal is officially one of my biggest thrills of the entire DCEU franchise. Years ago, when people were speculating about who was the 7th in the phrase “Unite the 7,” I said it’s J’onn J’onzz, and fanboys corrected me and insisted it had to be Hal or at least one of the Lanterns. And I was like, “Nope. I bet you it’s J’onn. He could easily already be a part of the story and we don’t even know it.” This is the part where I say to you ... Called It! Like 6 years ago! I f*cking Called It!

R#12 - Yep, by Chapter 5, Victor is moving much more smoothly.

R#13 - Dude!!!!!! The “Not Impressed” moment was better than anything Supes ever did in the theatrical release. Anything. It was just so epic and smooth and smoothly epic. I’m accepting that scene as a part of my personal birthday gift. Zack did that for me. That’s why that’s in there.

R#14 - I know Barry got a couple of hero moments earlier in the film, but none of them compare to the actual reconstruction of f*cking time in order to save everyone. The way the ground literally formed under his feet as he ran had me holding my breath without me even realizing it. Thank you, Zack! Thank you for making Barry more than the comedy relief. Thank you for giving him this moment. He deserves this.

Favorite Hell Yeah Moment #3 - I know everyone is talking about how they cheered when the team goes charging into the building altogether (sans Supes). And don’t get me wrong. That moment is pretty f’cking sweet. But dude, my all-time favorite, jump-out-of-my-seat, and jump-up-and-down moment was when Arthur speared Steppenwolf from behind and lifted him up in the air. I was like ...

The fangirl in me was unashamed and unbossed. Arthur deserved that moment. He spent half the film being tossed around like a ragdoll or brooding like a hot stevedore. He deserved that shit! Yes, yes, he did.

Epilogue thoughts ---

Again, this is the longest film epilogue I’ve seen since LOTR: Return of the King, but I’m not hating, just noting.

The extra scenes with J’onn J’onzz and Deathstroke made my day after everything else made my night. They are 2 of my absolute favorite DC characters who were all but cut from the theatrical release. I’m taking those scenes as ... again ... my personal birthday gifts.

I know we may never get JL2 and JL3, but I felt like the cliffhanger was pretty good. It leaves you wanting more, but not feeling as if you’ve been left high and dry. For those who doubted Zack’s decision to keep it a cliffhanger knowing he may never get to finish the story, I say to you, “Aren’t you tired of doubting this man?”

[roomeight]

what are some of the most cursed things you've seen happen in the fandom in all those years of being a blur fan? can you list? (also feel free to mention some of the most wholesome things that happened too, if you wish). i became a stan this year and saw some drama but god you've lived through and saw so much sdjhsdkjsd

The most cursed things I've seen/heard:

A very intense fan once gave Damon a stuffed teddy bear with a camera inside of it. Thankfully, someone informed Graham and they were able to get rid of it.

A girl pretended/gaslit a bunch of fans into thinking that she was Damon's girlfriend/baby momma. They had about two years of tumblr posts pretending to be Damon and herself talking to each other and a very detailed timeline of events that mostly matched up to Blur's timeline. She said that her and Damon had an unplanned child in the nineties who was killed in a car accident. They didn't speak for years and then Damon found out about the kid, started seeing her again, was no longer in a relationship with Suzi, and had a very sexual daddy/daughter sex relationship that involved Missy hearing her call Damon daddy while they were fucking. On further investigation I found out that they were a pathological liar who said that they slept with many band members. ...Yeah.

During Humanz some very young fan tweeted that she'd given Damon a blow job after a show. She later deleted her account after a lot of backlash and angry fans coming after her.

Graham sometimes checks the twitter profiles of people who tweet at him.

Someone once insinuated that they'd fuck themselves with a Graham Coxon action figure (el Coxo) and Graham saw the tweet.

After one of the TGTBTQ shows in London I went to, apparently there was a second huge after-party at Damon's house. Jamie got so drunk that Denholm had to drag him home.

Graham shat himself and his jumper once when he and Damon were really drunk on Damon's dad's wine.

Damon once woke up to a random Russian girl in his bed and they had sex.

Damon and Alex once made out so much that Damon had to subsequently get a blow job from someone because he was so turned on by it.

Graham, drunk, once broke all the windows on the tour bus when they were touring America.

Damon had sex with so many women in Iceland that it became a local joke that he had illegitimate children with a bunch of Icelandic women.

Wholesome things

Damon saw my Graham Coxon tattoo on my arm during Kids with Guns in L.A. in 2018. He came over to my side of stage and climbed up exactly where I was (I had to hold him up with Smoggy so he wouldn't fall). He saw my tatt and grinned big and then gave me a fist bump as he climbed down. 🥰

On the Humanz tour I saw a fan who told Damon that his music had saved her life and he looked really moved and gave her a huge bear hug. She was crying. It made me cry too, lol.

At one of Graham's shows a male fan told Graham he loved him. It was very cute and wholesome. He was a nice guy.

I saw Keith and Hazel Albarn in London and Damon walks exactly like his dad. Also his parents are adorable.

At Coachella in 2010 I was in the front row for Gorillaz. Jamie passed by and I yelled his name. He seemed surprised that someone recognized him and came over grinning and talked to us for a bit.

At a Gorillaz show at Red Rocks, Damon came out wearing a South American pouch with a rock in it. He said "I'm wearing my special rock inside a big rock." It was cheesy af and I loved him.

At the same show there was a huge sign that said no smoking weed. During soundcheck Damon stood next to the sign smoking a huge blunt and giggling because he was very high.

After a show in Seattle, a bunch of fans waited hours outside for Damon. Damon finally came through in a car and stopped to do autographs and pics with some of the 2D cosplayers. He was very tired, I could tell, but he stopped anyway to say hello to the fans. That meant a lot to me.

Someone once asked Damon about Gramon slash and asked how he felt about it. They explained it's about you and Graham having sex. Damon replied "that sounds hot" and "it's great if people are being creative."

Damon and Graham were once asked about Gramon I think? And Graham went off about how one night when they were teenagers Damon snuck into Graham's room and had a "mental block."

Damon feeds the faeries at his Iceland home to keep them happy and owns what he believes to be is a unicorn horn.

Damon was always mistaken for a little girl when he was a child.

As a teenager, Damon would dress up like Adam Ant and look at himself in the mirror.

Damon stopped going to acting school and transferred to Goldsmiths because he missed Graham.

Damon once dropped his trousers on stage and crawled off when people reacted badly to his bits.

Damon once had to dress up and live as a woman for a few weeks as a class assignment, which included dressing in women's clothing and walking around London.

..that's all I can think of for now ...I'm sure there's more!

[allthingsfangirl101]

Wedding Rollercoaster–Zac Efron

Tumblr request by @maximeefron​

They always say that planning the wedding is more stressful than the actual event. Well, it isn't any easier when your fiancé is filming a Netflix special in Iceland for two months before the wedding. I tried to call him about decisions but half the time I got his voicemail.

We tried to make a ton of the decisions when we were in the same time zone, but several things fell through so I had to change them at the last minute. Even though he told me that he was fine with whatever decisions I made while he was gone, I still wanted and tried to get his opinion.

Zac didn't come home until three days before the wedding. He almost missed the rehearsal dinner but caught an earlier flight at the last minute. Since the day he left, I've had this weird pit in my stomach. I told myself it was just planning anxiety but I still had it at the rehearsal dinner.

The night before the wedding, Zac snuck over to my parent's house. He climbed up the balcony and scared me.

"Zac!" I gasped as I clutched the robe I got for my bachelorette party to my body. "What are you doing here? I thought Dylan was crashing at our apartment with you."

"He is," he chuckled as he played with the tie of my robe. "I snuck out."

He smirked as he pulled me into his chest. He moved my robe off my shoulder and started kissing my shoulder.

"Zac," I moaned. "Baby, we're getting married tomorrow."

"Yes, we are," Zac said, practically growling against my skin.

"Honey," I sighed as I pushed him so he disconnected from me. "We have an early start to a long day tomorrow. We should really get some sleep."

He looked at me, the look in his eyes changing. He reached up and tucked a piece of hair behind my ear, his hand lingering. He opened his mouth to say something and then decided against it. Instead, Zac leaned in and pressed his lips to mine in a delicate kiss.

"I love you, Y/N," he whispered. "And I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you."

                       * * * * *

The next morning, I woke to my sisters and friends excitedly screaming. As I got ready, that pit in my stomach got heavier.

"Y/N," my mom said as my sister did my hair. "Are you alright?"

"Having second thoughts?" Lily, my best friend, teasingly asked.

"No," I said, trying to laugh it off. "I'm not. . . I'm just. . . I woke up feeling kinda nauseous."

"Nauseous?" Rachel asked. "Are you pregnant?"

"No," I sighed. "I'm not pregnant. I think I'm just nervous."

"That's okay, sweetie," my mom said sweetly as she walked over and grabbed my hands.

"I know," I said, my voice suddenly dropping. "I just don't understand why I'm so nervous. I love Zac with everything I am and I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with him. So, why am I so nervous?"

"Y/N," my mom said quickly. "Breathe, sweetheart. It's okay to be nervous. I was nervous the day I married your father. Nerves are just part of the wedding."

As my mom tried to calm me down, there was a knock at the door. Lily ran to get it while my mom and bridesmaids swarmed around me.

"Look who came by!" Lily cheered as she led someone into the bridal suite. I turned around to see Dylan, Zac's brother, walking in behind her.

"Hey, soon-to-be-sister." His smile fell when he saw the look on my face and the nervous bridesmaids surrounding me.

"Um, do you ladies mind letting me speak to my brother's bride?"

They agreed, each sending me nervous looks as they left. "Thank you," I said, letting out a sigh of relief. "They were. . . And it all just. . . I mean, it's not. . . I do love. . . But this is all. . ."

"Y/N," he sighed. He jogged over to me, pulled me to my feet, and wrapped me in his arms. He rubbed my back as I struggled to breathe.

"Zac wanted me to come in here and see how you were doing," he whispered. He pulled out of the hug and tucked a piece of hair behind my ear as he added, "He wanted me to tell you that he loves you and will meet you at the end of the aisle."

"Thank you," I said, my smile returning.

"You know, it's okay to be nervous."

"I know," I said, not even convincing myself.

"In fact," Dylan said, clearing his throat, "Zac is nervous too."

"Really?" I asked, surprised that I was relieved.

"Of course he is, Y/N," he chuckled. "Getting married is a big deal. It's a big deal making a commitment to someone. You two would be crazy if you weren't nervous today."

"Thank you," I whispered. "You're going to be a great brother-in-law."

                       * * * * *

I held my breath, subconsciously smoothing out my dress as I waited for the ceremony to start. I looked over to see the large version of our wedding picture Zac and I put on our announcements by the chapel doors.

"You ready, pumpkin?" My dad asked. My eyes filled with tears as he held his arm out for me.

"I'm ready," I said, my voice breaking. He leaned over and kissed my cheek.

"I'm proud of you," he whispered. "Zac is a wonderful guy and he treats you right. I'm okay with him taking my little girl away because I know he'll take very good care of you."

I leaned over and pressed a kiss to his cheek. "Thanks, daddy."

I sucked in a breath as the ushers opened the doors. My dad looked at me with an excited smile. "You ready, pumpkin?"

"I'm ready."

As we got in position, my eyes instantly fell on Zac at the end of the aisle. I smiled, tears forming when I made eye contact with my soon-to-be-husband waiting for me at the altar.

                       * * * * *

I was in the middle of talking to my aunt when I felt a pair of arms wrap around my waist. I smiled as I looked over my shoulder to see Zac smiling sweetly at Aunt Sylvia.

"Hey, Aunt Sylv," he greeted. "Do you mind if I steal my wife away for a second? My wife and I are needed on the dance floor."

"Go right ahead," she giggled. Zac took my hand and led me onto the dance floor. Zac smirked as the DJ announced it was time for our first dance.

"Ladies and Gentlement, Mr. and Mrs. Efron will now share their first dance as a married couple."

"Are you going to tell me what song you chose for our first dance, yet?" I asked.

When we were planning the wedding, the main thing Zac wanted was to be able to pick out the song we had our first dance to. He wanted to keep it a secret so I had no idea what song he chose even as we stood on the dance floor.

"You know," I chuckled as we waited for the music to start, "I'm not sure if I should be worried or generally afraid of whatever song you chose."

"Trust me," he whispered as he pulled me into his chest.

When the music started, it took me a second to recognize the tune, but as soon as the words started, my eyes filled with tears.

"Take my hand, take a breath, Pull me close and take one step. Keep your eyes locked on mine And let the music be your guide."

I leaned back so I could see Zac's face. He was smiling at me, nothing but love in his eyes. I couldn't stop the tears that formed.

"But," I said, barely a whisper, "you hate listening to music from High School Musical."

"True," he shrugged, chuckling slightly. "But that doesn't make the words any less true."

Zac leaned in and pressed a delicate kiss to my lips. When he pulled away, he had a smirk on his face. "Besides," he added, "it's not like it's the High School Musical version. It's an acoustic cover I found on Youtube."

I rolled my eyes as I leaned my head back on his shoulder. We continued to sway to the music as our friends and families watched us. It was kind of funny to think that a few hours ago, I was terrified. And now, I knew that Zac would always love me. If I ever needed him, he'd be there in a heartbeat. I would never have to fear the fall because he would be there to catch me.

The tears finally started falling as Zac held me tightly and started silently singing along to the music so only I could hear him.

"It's like catching lightning The chances of finding someone like you. It's one in a million The chances of feelin' the way we do. And with every step together, We just keep on gettin' better."

As the song finished, I pressed my lips to his. We ignored our loved ones clapping as we kissed in the middle of the dance floor. Finally, Zac was the one to break the kiss.

"I love you, Y/N Efron," he whispered with watery eyes.

"I love you too, Zac."

[zarchomp]

this song hit me so hard.

not only is it a perfect send-off for Sarah Lynn’s character, but for me, it really sets off the episode. this is where i first understood what it was about, and a feeling of dread consumed me.

something i’ve always found interesting about sarah lynn’s character is how much herb influenced her. we know how much bojack acted as a father figure to her growing up, but there’s little talk of how herb also helped form her childhood.

we all know that bojack raised sarah lynn on tv, but it is rarely spoken about how herb created her, birthed her. herb is a writer, and bojack is an actor. in themselves, that holds value. writing represents the beginning of something, and acting represents seeing something through. sarah lynn is her full name, and even her closest friends and people she’s known a long time refer to her as such. in a lot of ways, this reflects how we view celebrities. by never calling them by their first name, they end up becoming a caricature of themself, of what they represent, not who they are. sarah lynn’s existence on earth has, since the beginning, been defined by everyone’s perception of her, to the point that she defines herself that way too.

bojack tells sarah lynn that life is about her fans, and pleasing them. sarah lynn was never once allowed to be her own person. as a child, she was loved by many for her cuteness, in her teens for her sexiness, in her young adult life for her ‘chaos’, and when she passes she is loved for her tragedy.

while bojack represents a father figure who ruined her, herb represents one who loved her. todd says in the face of depression that at some point someone held him and saw nothing but beauty and love. this is herb. he saw a little girl, and gave her life, whereas bojack saw a little girl and gave her death. 

but in sarah lynn’s eyes, they were both her dad. they were both people who could care for her, and make her feel a little less alone, especially as the years go on. after herb left the show, bojack became herb to her. but bojack is an actor. if a writer is faced with a plot hole in their writing, they can fix it. if an actor is faced with a plot hole, they can’t do much, and will likely eventually ensure that the plot hole makes it through. in sarah lynn’s life, herb was the one who could have helped change her and help her. bojack, at that point, couldn’t have, and saw her life to its end. 

‘the overture’s a lifetime, but the show it short’. bojack’s top moment was figuring it out, the overture to his career. the show they end up making, horsin’ around, ends up defining the most of the rest of bojack’s life until this point.

the second verse of this song is sarah lynn performing, as she did for most of her life. it’s the sarah lynn that the world saw her as. the sarah lynn that bojack saw when he asked her to guest star on his show. the sarah lynn whose death took away bojack’s life of riches.

end of the song, however, shows the vulnerability of sarah lynn. the sarah lynn who’s last words were ‘i wanna be an architecht’. the sarah lynn who ended up with an actor instead of a writer. the sarah lynn who bojack failed. the sarah lynn who never got a chance. 

‘a song you taught me when i was small’. her life has been a performance. her personal identity has been a performance. the actor ensured that. performing your whole life leaves you without any semblance of what is real. but a parent teaching their small child a song? that’s something real. my dad and i both have good singing voices, but my mom does not. her teaching me old icelandic folk songs when i couldn’t fall asleep as a kid, that was real. ‘a song you taught me when i was small’ is a song, maybe the only song in sarah lynn’s life that is real.

sarah lynn is one of the most heartbreaking characters i’ve ever seen. not only does she represent the kids whose lives were taken away from them, and their deaths given to them. but she also represents some sort of lost hope. early on in her introduction in the show, she says she’s going to die tragically young. she knows what her life is, and she accepts it. after a certain point, she probably understands that bojack is not herb, and she learns to accept it.

hearing bojack say sarah lynn’s name is heartbreaking. hearing her say his is even more so, in some ways. whenever she says it, she seems excited. he obviously means a lot to her, even if she knows, deep down, that he shouldn’t.

in conclusion, sarah lynn is tragic. she is witty, and filled with hope, and devastatingly self aware of her place. sarah lynn broke my heart over and over again, and this song honestly fills me with dread as we get past the overture, and enter the show.

[reidecorating]

the bau team and their star signs based on science

hotch: clearly an aries. this is not up for debate and i don't take criticism. natural born and excellent leader? maybe. but bossy boots because he is just a bossy boss man who probably sleeps in a suit or those pyjamas that have suit graphics on them? most definitely. when he speaks, his voice sounds like it’s coming out in all lower case, when he yells, it’s all caps. angery. down to throw hands at anything in his immediate line of vision probably. will exterminate you like a roach if you mess with someone he cares about. don't break the rules or my boss will kill me 😡 to you're breaking the rules under MY supervision, that way my boss will kill US 🥰. probably microwaves food a lot. type of dad to say no to getting a dog, then two months later get matching christmas costumes with said dog. never stops working because he is an absolute UNIT built like the circuit of one of those infinity pools in bali. could use another sabbatical.

rossi: i saw his birth certificate and the rumours are true, he’s a november sagittarius. two wives away from being a modern day king henry the eighth. it’s rossi’s world and we’re all just living in it. he is a prophet. his third eye has been opened and he ascended to the seventh dimension at the age of 24. when he takes leave, the only way to contact him is through a ouija board in latin or maybe greek depending on the position of the sun. he will only die when he chooses to die but will dissolve at the words ‘what are we?’. the major arteries in his body are just long pieces of macaroni. definitely has hooked up with one person from every state the jet has landed in. no filter between his brain and mouth, will destroy your self confidence intentionally. uses abbreviations when texting. liberal - because of the experimenting back in college. probably friends with your mum on facebook.

prentiss: imagine her being anything but an air sign. you can't because she's clearly an aquarius?? work comes first (first equal with her girlfriend). if you tell her to do something she simply won't do it, especially if it was something she was just about to do. she once came home from a run with her mother in the summer and her mother politely suggested that she should drink some water. emily, an anarchist, did not drink water and was hospitalised for heatstroke in due course of proving her point of nonconformity. has been to jail. sucks on candy canes and makes them pointy because christmas is one of her least favourite days. on probation. no, i really like him *deletes his number*. maybe moves to iceland to become a sheep herder to avoid having to ever see anyone she has romantically affiliated with ever again. actually quite the jester, joke levels exceed 4000, but can make you laugh and cry in the span of approximately the length of a short youtube ad. the antichrist.

morgan: has at some point caused someone to question their sexuality. am i really a straight man? do i really only like women? - direct quotes from anyone who has seen him. if that doesn't scream libra i don't know what does. i’m trying to refrain from using the words ‘hot’, ‘sex god’, ‘rail me’. the kinda guy who will hold open a door for you, but also have no problem kicking one down for you. has never ditched class before. momma’s boy. tries to make his pecs move in the mirror. he KNOWS he’s hot okay??? but THEN its not just that because people are like ‘oh he's attractive’ but then they find out he’s RESPECTFUL, and INTELLIGENT and COMPASSIONATE and then that awkward moment when you just DIE because he is not flawed??? it’s like he’s a lucid dream??? probably secretly is really good at baking some obscure european good. uses colognes that have really manly man sounding names for instance, ‘Man Musk’, ‘Mystical Muscles’, ‘Beards and Buttercream’.

garcia: the epitome of a female pisces. a baddie™. definitely owns a pair of those really skinny sunglasses that influencers wear and looks like god herself while in them. spirals from being the momma bear to the wine-aunt. she will care about you so hard but if that's not reciprocated, will hack into your my eyes only and fax those pictures to every machine she can connect to. accidentally has flirted her way into at least 19 relationships. really good at writing fan fiction??? like - seriously good. knows 4 different synonyms for the word “member” iykyk. researches things the people she loves most enjoy, so when she talks to them she can have more detailed conversations. catches feelings for people who are definitely not good for her. sometimes just takes off her glasses because she's tired of, well... seeing. hand makes cute lil earrings for her friends. a master at fireboy and watergirl and will never play with anyone else because ‘another player just slows you down, i can do it myself in half the time’. THAT FRIEND WHO WILL WAIT FOR YOU TO TIE YOUR LACES.

jj: virgo. she was definitely that girl who had notes with pretty titles and colour coded highlighters in school. also did extracurriculars in the weekends so she’d have to be picked up from sleepovers early to go to soccer games. when she takes the time to learn something she learns it well and perfects any craft handed to her because anything less than 100% is failure in her eyes. gets annoyed when other people cry for too long probably. will judge you. so much. silently. especially if you cry. don't make her mad because she has caused civil unrest in 13 continents. live, laugh, love signs in her kitchen. security footage surfaced in 2007 of her roundhouse kicking a middle aged man, in the junk food aisle of a trader joe’s, after he took the last re-stocked bag of cheetos. has a ‘mom first, agent second’ mug that garcia got her. likes family walks which will most likely be planned out meticulously, involving a detailed itinerary of the day i.e. Henry’s toilet break, 10AM

reid: he despises star signs and anyone who gives them any thought because “where is the SCIENCE?” this bitch is a scorpio. definitely only knows his sun sign. so intense! have you seen the way he looks at things?? the way he stares??? the way he analyses dead bodies??? the way he loves??? ridiculously put together to everyone around him but emotionally life is soup and he is fork. kinky. breaks off bananas little by little with his hands before eating each piece individually because eating them normally is too sensual and he’s paranoid morgan might see him doing it and take a picture. wants the kind of love he reads about. has a superiority complex about having a superiority complex. keeps a straight face while saying literally anything so you cannot tell if he’s being serious or not like one day he’ll just be like “yeah i killed a man with an axe once to enable myself to more easily empathise with future unsubs who potentially work as lumberjacks or have a history of logging. it’s called method axing,” and then leave the room to draw circles on maps or something. believes that parallel parking should work, in theory, but never seems to work for him in practice.