#first TL drawing in a month we are BACK

[gaytedlasso]

Meanwhile Ted blue screens and nearly trips over his own feet

[leafofkudzu]

Happy soon-to-be Spring, everyone! I hope this short month has treated you well, because the first Saturday of March is approaching fast, meaning it's time for another art party hosted by my guild, Verdant Shield [VS]! I ran some numbers and realized we've only had one party in charr lands, so it's time to rectify that imbalance over at the coziest little guild trek target, Anya's Strawberry Patch in Diessa Plateau!

For those who aren’t familiar with art parties, they’re a concept carried over from Final Fantasy XIV - in-game get-togethers for artists/writers/creatives of all types to hang out, chat, and create together! Get your favorite character/look together, head to the location, find someone that catches your eye, and create! Afterwards, everyone posts their creations in a shared tag (ours is #VSArtParty) so others can see, interact, and share! Tl;dr: the ‘goal’ of an art party isn’t to be drawn, but to draw others, and share with the community!

Time and /squadjoin information is under the cut, but will also be posted again via reblogs as the squads go up on the day of the party!

Location Information:

Anya's Strawberry Patch isn't a PoI on a map, but it is a guild trek target, which means the wiki has a reference on how to get over there. To save you a click, it's a little jumping puzzle to get into a pipe behind the Town of Nolan in Diessa Plateau (take Nolan Waypoint), but if you have a mount you can just go directly to the pipe without having to do any fancy footwork. Pass through that and it'll spit you out basically right on top of the party location! I'll be marking the pipe entrance via squad markers like in the below image, so if you can't find it just hop into squad and it should light right up!

Time & Squad Details:

As we always do, we’ll be having two parties - one on EU servers and one on NA ones - with an hour break in between. People tend to arrive early and/or jump between accounts as soon as the break comes up, so don’t be surprised to see tags and announcements going up ahead of schedule!

The first party will be on EU servers and begin at 9pm Central European Time (aka 3pm Eastern Standard Time or 4 hours before in-game reset). I’ll be hosting on my EU alt account, so to join either /squadjoin or whisper Stormcaller Nell for an invite.

The second party will be on NA servers and begin at 7pm Eastern Standard Time (aka 1am Central European Time or at in-game reset). I’ll be hosting this one on my main account, so to join either /squadjoin or whisper Lorn Dustpaw for an invite.

Closing Words:

Sorry for the delay in getting this post out, I've been away on a trip and just got back! I also may have spent more time than I should have trying to decide which character(s) I wanted to host with - I'm jealous of you guys who do character polls leading up to things. :P

Anyway, I say this every time but really truly thank you everyone who comes out to these, you guys are what makes these things fun! I look forward to seeing you all on Saturday, take care and see you soon! ♥

[viridian-sky]

I've decided to take some emergency commissions due to some unexpected bills (TL;DR my roof fell on me during a storm+flood so I had to replace it with a makeshift roof, only for it to fall again... that's why I'm thinking of renovating it for real). Kind of desperate right now so I'm increasing the price a little bit from my previous commissions and take less commissions (for the time being I'm only open for 3 slots). I haven't had the time to put together a nice commission detail post so you'll have to bear with me word-vomitting the details below.

Base Prices (ranges depending on complexity of the design and/or pose):

Waist up:  35-40 USD

Full body: 40-55 USD

Extras:

Additional character: +80% of the base price (max. 3 characters on 1 canvas). Special for simple mon design (Digimon/Pokemon): + 20%~50% of the base price depending on the complexity.

Commissions come with no/plain BG, with simple BG (see sample below to see what extent): +0~20 USD depending on the complexity of the BG.

Above are examples of simple BG, though I might charge a small additional price for example in the first (USD 2~5 if I have to draw patterns by hand). My current style is best represented by pic 1 and 3. To give you a general gist about my art style (color choices etc), please go through my blog.

Terms of Service

OK:

OCs/fanart (fictional characters)

het/BL/GL

PG-13

Not OK:

detailed BGs

mecha

furry (kemonomimi OK!)

gore

NSFW

?? (ask, though do note that there might be additional charges for this):

real people

animals/mons (Digimon/Pokemon)

overly complicated armor/weapon

middle-aged/elderly characters

muscular body types

R-15 (suggestive content)

just ask anyway if you’re unsure!

I have the rights to decline or cancel an order if:

I don’t think I can complete the order to a satisfactory standard, or

I am not comfortable doing the order due to ill-intentions or behavior.

*If in any case I am unable to complete your request, I will refund.

Payment

Payments are done through Paypal only (accepted currency: USD).

Payments are paid upfront (full amount).

No refunds if commission is cancelled by the commissioner. As stated before, refunds will be provided if the cancellation is done by me.

Process

Normal working duration (estimation): 1 week ~ 1 month (4 weeks), as I do have a day job at the office from 9 am to 6 pm every weekday, so I can only work at night when I’m home (I usually get home by 7~9 pm) or during the weekends. For that reason please bear with me. I'll try to be as transparent and accountable to the best that I can though.

Max. time limit of completion is 3 months.

I will send you the invoice after we have reached a deal.

I will only start on the commission request after the payment is done.

I will be showing the sketch and coloring processes to you through the provided contact information. 

Max. 3 revisions: sketch, base color, final revision (only minor adjustment can be made during final revision stage).

If you have not heard back from me within one week, please feel free to remind me through e-mail or DM.

Final Product

I will provide the high-res PNG file(s) (with and without background/transparent for commissions with plain background) without the watermark. The resolutions will be min. 1000 px x 1000 px, max. 3000 px x 3000 px (@ 300 dpi). For the record, I usually work with a B5 canvas.

If you want the drawing to be on a larger canvas, please specify beforehand (max. 4000 px x 4000 px). Please be advised that there might be additional charge for this.

Usage

Commissioners may only use commissioned artwork for personal use. You may use it for SNS (profile image, headers/banners, etc.) and can be printed out as long as it’s not for commercial purpose.

Do not claim the commissioned artwork as your own.

I reserve the right to use the commissioned artwork for sales and/or self-promotion on my SNS/online portfolio unless agreed otherwise.

Don’t use for AI/NFT!

If you’re interested, please DM me!

Others

If you’ve got any question before you want to place an order, please feel free to reach out to me via DM.

Sharing is very appreciated. Thank you!

[egg-noodle]

You have so many unique ways of stylizing you characters! How did you come to developed the very geometric one? Also, how do you decide what art style to use for each work? (Rooting for your recovery. Ganbatte!)

There's quite a long story behind this haha. I injured my wrists in my second year of uni and realised I couldn't continue with how I had been drawing up until that point. I had to have a very hard think about the direction I wanted my art to go, since I wanted to be able to create for as long as possible. So for 6 months I went full research and analysis mode into artists who were making minimalist work. Who was currently successful? What parts of their work did I like? How could I switch to drawing completely differently than what came naturally to me while still feeling creatively fulfilled? So I had all my research, and then I spent the next 6 months trying to test out as many styles and techniques as I could, to see what felt right to me. This was around 2012, from memory? Concurrently to all this, at uni we were given all these little drawing exercises to do, and I remember one of them being 'draw a character in 4 lines'. It was meant to be a gestural exercise, but it really resonated with me, the idea that you didn't need a lot of detail in order to communicate what you wanted. So that morphed into my overall goal: minimal output, maximum message/connection. Then in my third year at uni, we got taught the Point < Line < Shape hierarchy, which is how you can control what your eye is drawn to first. It was meant to be used for creating appealing compositions (e.g. draw a bird, a tree, and a mountain in as many different configurations as you can), but I ended up applying it to my character design, and I've never looked back.

I currently am a freelance animator and designer, and no matter the job, there's always a style that I need to emulate, so a fair chunk of my professional work also bleeds into the art I do in my free time. As for how I decide on which style to go with for what pieces, I don't really have a system for it haha. I use my Likes on all my social media as one giant reference folder, so I just scroll through those until I find a technique, a composition, a shape, a colour palette, etc that I think I would like to try. I'm still in the habit of researching and analysing other people's work constantly, so there's always something new I want to test out for myself. TL;DR I injured my wrists at uni and searched for a way to draw without injuring myself further haha.

[waitmyturtles]

TL;DR: My analysis of the quiet tone of the Cherry Magic movie -- the overarching theme of the movie was the development of family between Adachi and Kurosawa. 

Well, I’ve turned this space temporarily into a Cherry Magic hovel, a kind of messy sanctuary, really, maybe a cave full of hoarded passing thoughts, rising and cresting emotions, lots of SIIIIGGGHHS, at least two and a half re-watches of the movie, many reblogs, plummeting away my phone battery on consuming more and more gifsets. I regret not being here on Tumblr for the original series, but I feel like I’m more than making up for it by doing all I can to contribute to the dialogue around the movie, which I want to continue doing, meta-style!

Two things have cropped up in my reads of reviews here and on Twitter, one about the tone of the movie, and the other about the pace of growth between Adachi and Kurosawa. I think the first point goes into the second, so here we go:

I’ve seen a lot of comments about how the movie was quieter than the series. I reblogged a quick statement on quiet Japanese BLs earlier this weekend, and I also learned a bit about what the OG CM fandom hoped for with the original series way back when, when there were rumors of a real kiss for the final episode, and how the fandom was slightly let down. 

I think there’s an interesting dichotomy between heat and quiet in the kind of Japanese BLs I tend towards. If you read this space, y’all know my top three -- CM, Kinou Nani Tabeta, and Old Fashion Cupcake -- generally trend toward the quiet, with the slight exception of OFC, which turns up the heat in a panicked moment of revelation.

As I thought about this point, I asked myself -- why the draw towards quiet development and/or contemplation?

For me, all three of these dramas, especially KNT, center on family -- actively creating family, dealing with existing family, and/or managing expectations of creating a future family. 

If you’re Asian, as I am, the thinking on and managing of family issues is, in my opinion, the dominant issue that you spend the majority of your life dealing with. That’s not to say that in Western lifetimes, less time is spent on family issues. What I mean to say is that family issues, I would argue, take up more of your brain space and your sense of morality and ethical engagement in humanity if you’re an Asian, as opposed to the manifest destiny of the West. When I was right out of college, for instance, and rolling with a majority white hipster crew at that moment, my friends would comment on how I’d visit my family’s house once a month. That was tooooo much for them. And they’d legit tell me -- you care too much about your family, you need to separate yourself from them.

These are surface-scratching statements, and if you’re Asian, I know you’ll immediately guffaw at how ridiculous and impossible it would be to even BEGIN contemplating how to “separate yourself” from your family. It’s taken me a LOT of my old lady years to even come to grips with the fact that I needed to live an independent life away from the expectations of my family. And for hundreds of millions of people in our Asian cultures, those Western notions of “separation” and “independence” simply don’t exist. You can cohabitate, be co-dependent on, be enabled by your family, and that is just fine. Family is the structure that gives meaning to the lives of many Asians, without question. 

So to say that the movie tends towards the quiet, I think, possibly bypasses what I think is a major point that the movie is trying to make, both in a cultural arc and in the actual storyline: We are seeing Adachi and Kurosawa making a family together, THEIR family together. 

IMHO, the king of family-oriented BLs was KNT. Both Yoshinaga Fumi, the mangaka behind KNT, and Adachi Naoko, KNT’s screenwriter, deliberately gilded the KNT script with the tadaima and okaeri greetings that you hear when someone comes home at the end of the day. That set-up was meant to indicate that Shiro-san and Kenji considered themselves family to each other -- because, you might be saying tadaima to your parents when you’re a child, or your spouse as an adult. 

The clues to Adachi’s thinking about family are apparent. There’s the moment where he gives advice to his chief about the chief’s complaining wife. There’s the moment in the office when Rokakku and Fujisaki are talking about their lives, the very moment in their lives where they are single but happy at work and with friends. There’s the moment when Adachi picks up the mail and sees his name and Kurosawa’s name, while coming home. 

And of course, the gorgeous moment in the kitchen when Adachi states his desire for a public and permanently committed relationship with Kurosawa. 

Adachi is creating his new family in that moment. 

I want to tie this together with a comment I read on Twitter about how Adachi’s personal growth matched Kurosawa breaking down his walls of perfection, and how he originally projected his perfectionist nature on their relationship. We remember in the series Kurosawa being ULTRA cute in the office after Adachi’s original confession, saying he was going to create the best first date ever; and then all the practice dates they had; and all the planning that went into the Christmas date. 

Those walls began breaking down a little bit in the last episode of the series, and we saw that even more as the movie began, when we realized that they had not, indeed, bonked, as we thought they had, on Christmas Eve. When Adachi’s hunger interrupted their potential love sesh, Kurosawa was like, WEEEEELLLL, through gritted teeth -- I’ll still be patient for Adachi. 

That’s life. But as I originally wrote in my first review of the movie, what I didn’t expect to see in the film was that the movie would be utterly dominated by Adachi’s internal growth INTO the relationship, and how that ultimately steadied Kurosawa to be okay to be weak in front of Adachi, and in his own (Kurosawa’s) life. We know this is a HUGE DEAL, a HUUUUGE DEAL for Kurosawa. He mentions it in the essay he writes for Adachi’s family. He states it as a major point of being devoted to Adachi to his (Kurosawa’s) mother. Breaking down his walls is a major life moment for Kurosawa -- and it would not have happened without Adachi becoming his family.

Because -- family, often, is about rejiggering and redefining one’s boundaries, and creating new ones with the people you’ve chosen. If you’ve chosen well, and right, like our boys did, then your partner gives you the strength to do this major lifting.

AND: where else do we see these boundaries being rejiggered, besides between Adachi and Kurosawa themselves?

We see them in the family scenes. I think that the movie devoted a LOT of time to the family scenes says a lot about what I said earlier about Asian cultures.

I swear to jebus that I nearly had multiple heart attacks during the family scenes. Besides Kurosawa’s mom’s very apparent sadness and confusion, Adachi’s mom had me at moments, even though she outed herself as a fujoshi, basically, lol, when Kurosawa showed up. Why the heart attacks?

These confronting kinds of conversations to family about things like marriage -- I mean, I don’t know if I have the words to describe HOW MOTHERFUCKING HUGE THESE CONVERSATIONS CAN BE FOR MANY ASIANS. Like -- these conversations can be the culmination of a lifetime. They can destroy you. Y’all, if I wrote about what happened to me when my family learned I was dating my husband (in a cishetero relationship, peeps! Interracial and interfaith, yes, but otherwise, not really rocking the boat here!), I probably wouldn’t finish writing without breaking down in tears for an hour. It was horrible. My family couldn’t handle the growth, simply put. 

This Asian family dynamic that an individual’s original nuclear family unit carries SO MUCH WEIGHT IN THEIR APPROVAL OF WHO YOU ARE AND WHAT YOU DO -- I emphasize here that this theme was major in the movie. The movie NEEDED to spend time on this in order to achieve Adachi’s dream of permanence with Kurosawa. Adachi NEEDED to tell Kurosawa that he (Adachi) would be present in front of Kurosawa’s parents -- because Adachi KNEW that Kurosawa would NEED Adachi there, because of how BIG that BIG CONVERSATION would be. I’m talking BIG, here, BIG. And I believe that the movie’s OG Japanese audience understands this very implicitly and very, very deeply.

Adachi NEEDED to grow into himself -- he needed to lose his magic, his crutch -- and needed to FIND himself to be the strength and pillar that Kurosawa would need to face his family. I want to take this point, make it into a Cherry Magic teddy bear, brand it with Gelato Pique, and place it on a mantle. 

In order to face their families, our guys needed to become family. And that’s why I think the movie tended towards the quiet -- because THAT kind of growth takes a lot of internal work that comes out in the quiet moments of intimacy with the people you’ve chosen and you love. 

[jess-moloney-malarkey]

There is a picture that proves that Jess has been stalking Jamie since 2015, she was behind Jamie and Matilda at a concert in 2015 she was looking at Jamie strangely if it's not a coincidence that Jess has been dating Jamie since 2021.

Jess followed Matilda on Instagram and she liked her posts and when Jamie and Matilda broked up, Jess unfollowed her and she was probably following Ruby on Instagram when she was dating Jamie and when they broked up in 2020, Jess unfollowed Ruby the same way she unfollowed Matilda because she was obsessed with Jamie, she was stalking him by following Matilda and Ruby on Instagram and Jess wasn't interested in Matilda and Ruby otherwise she would have continued following them both after their breakup with Jamie.

I was thinking, when exactly did Jess move to Los Angeles before Jamie, at the same time as Jamie and Ruby in 2019 or when she started dating Jamie, because if Jess moved to L A when she knew Jamie was installed, is that for me it is stalker behavior.

First Jess stalked MGK because she was obsessed with him and MGK probably refused to date with her and weirdly she started stalking Jamie from 2015 by following him because he looks like MGK (in my opinion), what she didn't have with MGK, she had with Jamie, she took advantage of the fact that he broke up with Ruby and she started getting closer to him on Instagram in 2020.

I had nothing against Jess when she started dating Jamie en 2021 but for almost 2 years she has been drawing attention to herself at conventions using Jamie and and he doesn't realize she is manipulating him to become famous through his success.

Oof I’m so sorry for how long this reply is gonna be. I’ll put a read more. But hear me out… (tl;dr for most of it, the gist is that we simply don’t know a lot of things for sure. That’s my main point. Have your opinion of how things might have gone, whatever, but understand that that may be vastly different than the reality of it all because we weren’t there.)

I know what photo you mean, but proves stalking? I don’t know about that. A single photo of Jamie and Jess at the same event does not effectively prove she has been stalking him since then. Possible? Sure. But I wouldn’t call it solid proof of that, especially when they’ve both been in the world of fashion for at least a decade. All it only really proves definitively is that they were attending the same event in 2015.

And how do you know when these unfollowings took place? Do you know if they were really right after a breakup, or if they were months/years later? If Jess was a nobody before Jamie, none of us were probably aware of her to keep tabs on her likes and follows. We wouldn’t be able to know. Again, not saying it’s impossible she unfollowed directly after the respective breakups, but without timestamps, we don’t know for sure. You even said yourself that she “probably” followed Ruby, but we don’t know that.

I think the last few paragraphs of yours are much more a personal feeling on things. From an objective view, she apparently worked with MGK in some capacity. Somewhere along the way, the relationship (to whatever degree it was, we do not know for sure) ended. That’s the facts, that’s what is definitively out there. We also don’t know for sure how or when exactly Jamie and Jess became close enough to begin dating. Your opinion is yours to have of course, but objectively, there’s a broad range of scenarios that could have taken place because we realistically have no idea what actually did.

I also wouldn’t say she has been drawing attention to herself at conventions. Fans go up to her, fans approach her and ask for photos. She hangs around her partner who is working there because that’s her partner, it’s not weird. She doesn’t have to wait back at the hotel or avoid him, you know? Going to EVERY con is a lot but hey, we don’t know what conversations they have had about her attending them all.

And in my opinion, if she was using him to gain fame and success, she really ought to have aimed higher than Jamie. He’s popular yeah, but if she were REALLY after all that for herself, and was this narcissistic gold digger type, wouldn’t she hop around to whichever hot new thing there is in Hollywood, like someone who is in higher demand?

[x-populuxe]

Fic authors self-rec! ✨ When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you’ve written, then pass on to at least five other writers (if you would like to)!

Ahhh, thank you so much for tagging me, @gerec​!

I’ve published nine fics, and I honestly love all of them (lol is that a funny thing to say about your own work? I write the fic I want to read yada yada yada), but there are specific things I’m proud of with some of them, so:

1) “Contingency” (Charles/Erik, 74K words): the first fic I ever published, by far the longest one, and the only plotty multi-chapter story I’ve ever actually completed (god bless @1degosuperego). A canon-divergent AU of XMFC where Erik meets Emma a few years before the events of the film and they kill Shaw together, which subsequently alters the path of every other character/the course of history.

2) “Three Journeys” (Mystique/Angel, Charles/Erik, 33K words): In the same universe as “Contingency,” character studies from the POVs of Mystique, Emma, and Erik as they embark on three respective mutant-related trips. This is the only proper (not background) f/f I’ve published, and the whole thing took longer to write than any other fic, so I was v happy to finish (and proud of how it came out!).

3) “What We Inherit” (David & Charles, 20K words): Modern AU from the perspective of 15-year-old telepath David, who’s come to live with his father after his mother dies. A non-romantic slow burn! I wasn’t expecting to write a father-son genfic this year, but I loved doing it so much that I’m 32K words into writing a sequel lol. (That will be cherik, but still, the David & Charles relationship is at the center of it!)

4) “Unlived Histories (The Double Vision Remix)” (Charles/Erik, 18K words): My most recent fic and a remix of the wonderful “The Cost of a Good Man,” mirroring the original directly from Erik’s POV rather than Charles. (Tl;dr, Charles from another universe goes back in time to save Erik and his mother in the early 1930s, which dramatically alters not only Charles & Erik’s paths, but their personalities and worldviews.) This one let me draw on my several decades of reading 20th century queer fiction lol, and some parts actually left me pretty emotional as I was writing them.

5) “the way it travels in and keeps emitting light” (Charles/Erik, 30K words): Modern AU enemies to friends to lovers, where Charles and Erik’s antagonistic relationship starts to shift after Charles gets into a major accident. Most of my modern AUs are slow burns, but this is definitely the slowest, and I was really happy to be able to keep the thaw between them suuuuuper gradual and, as a result, hopefully relatively realistic.

Since I’ve barely been on Tumblr this month while traveling, I’m not sure who might have done this a few weeks back/who I could freshly tag. @midrashic? @joshriku? @rozf? Or outside X-Men fandom—@destinationtoast? I know you love self-analysis ahaha. :-))

[sylvctica]

tl;dr life updates cause most of my irl yelling has been confined to twitter or DMs

as per my pinned, i've been in a bad burnout mostly creatively, so drawing and writing for myself has been kinda null for a few months-ish now outside some small outlets here and there (carrds, trying to pick up doing a twine project). socially i've been kinda floating around too, so if i've been sparse, im sorry ;;

a lot of my brain muncher has been work cause a bunch of things have come up ... namely finding out im paid 33% (not correct ik i just dont wanna do the exact math rn) less than most of the other designers lmao (which shocked even them and our design lead). i make ~$41k yearly, others are at ~$56k and average for designers is around ~$60k ... and my yearly performance is 8 months overdue where i'm probably not even gonna be able to argue my salary up to the average

obvs as a first job in the industry and mostly remote work (so no rent to pay) i took what i took, but it was kind of a slap to find that out

this is on top of our ceo deciding the resolution for our issues (which were brought up in a survey that was before we started fixing some of those issues already) is mandatory return to office 4 days a week from almost completely remote work (and the almost was voluntary to come into office). ill tell you right now, it's a shitty solution to our issues, and they're not compensating us for shit for travel time (aka 2 hours of my day will just be beating the train back and forth, and monthly payment of $200 for a pass where i live)

other game companies can do full remote or a choice of hybrid in how you want it :|

so, i've mostly been on low energy and just picking where my energy is going which is in games primarily to just not think abt stuff too much (yes yes star rail too), so my presence here and around ppl has been flimsy

im not lying down and taking it lmao dont worry abt that, i genuinely hope 30%+ of ppl leave or start leaving. old codger with his head up his arse and not listening to the ppl being like 'hey, this is not going to resolve our problems and will only cause more issues down the line'

so yeah!!!! my fists are up!!!! and i will support my coworkers too, cause we all genuinely like working with each other but sir dust-in-the-ears doesn't give a shit so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ sucks cause we were finally nudging towards some rlly exciting things

[tsvai]

tagged by @vrontons-modern-life  not tagging anyone in particular, just tagging anyone who wants to do this! 

i basically never post any of my work publicly because anxiety, (i just share it w/ friends) but this looked like fun and i probably won’t spontaneously combust if i just post a snippet from one of my current ffxiv wips lmao. probably. 

tl;dr context required for this to make any sense at all (if you don’t play ffxiv there’s nothing i can do for you sorry lmao): in my wols’ canon, lahabrea is yeeted back out of the lifestream around the end of shadowbringers in a mortal body (w/ most of his memories) and is forced to fumble around figuring out how to be a mortal. aurelia stumbles over him during 5.4 and recognizes him by his voice, and immediately adopts him under the pretense of tutoring him in thaumaturgy (she’s excited bc here’s a chance to actually maybe make friends with an ascian this time! oh boy!). lahabrea thinks nobody knows who he is. aurelia, leovold (my other wol, not shown), thancred, and raha all absolutely know who he is. said hilarious pretense goes on for about a month - this takes place during that month. 

Hephaestus was hunched over the table over a tome and notebook; his hair had long since started to escape the confines of his loose ponytail and was hanging unevenly into his face, veiling his profile. He was scrawling notes across the open face of his notebook with impressive speed – Aurelia wasn’t quite sure what he was studying, but she’d determined at a fairly quick glance some time ago that it wasn’t anything she’d assigned him. She had decided not to say anything about it.

She could hardly blame him, really – she was near-certain that most of what she’d given him to ‘study’ was largely review. She almost felt a little bad for him about it, but if this was the game he was going to insist on playing, she was going to let him play it – inconveniences and all.

Alisaie’s voice suddenly turned particularly petulant, drawing Aurelia’s attention.

“Yes, well… this argument is stupid, and—and you’re being stupid!” She accused, jabbing a finger at Alphinaud.

G’raha snorted loudly.

“Ad hominem,” Hephaestus muttered absently, in a disapproving tone that Aurelia suspected was probably his Professor Voice.

Unbelievable, she realized with amusement. He had been paying at least some degree of attention.

Alphinaud sputtered – Alisaie made an irate noise. G’raha hummed thoughtfully.

“I don’t remember what that means,” Alisaie shot back, “but—but no it isn’t!”

Hephaestus looked up sharply, his quill scratching to an abrupt stop on the page. He had a by-now-familiar look on his face that Aurelia was fairly certain meant that he hadn’t realized he’d spoken aloud.

“It means a fallacious personal attack – and yes it is!” Alphinaud argued triumphantly.

“I think,” Aurelia interceded, “that it’s time to let the disagreement go, if we’re getting to the point of ad —ad hom—” She hesitated, stumbling over the unfamiliar term.

“Ad hominem,” Alphinaud and Hephaestus corrected in unison – with very poorly disguised amusement, in Hephaestus’ case.

“Yes, that,” Aurelia agreed.

“Fine, fine,” Alisaie sighed, standing up, “I’ve got shite to do, anyroad.”

“Hug and make up, first,” Aurelia instructed.

Alisaie turned to glare at her – she merely grinned back.

“Do you even know what we were arguing about?” Alisaie questioned.

“No,” Aurelia answered blithely.

G’raha snorted again – Alphinaud cleared his throat in an attempt to hide his own snort.

“It wasn’t over anything important, you know,” Alisaie shook her head at her before glancing back over at her brother, “We’re fine?”

“Of course we are,” Alphinaud agreed.

“Right, I’m off then,” Alisaie announced, pushing in her chair and heading away.

Alphinaud’s attention shifted immediately. “Hephaestus!” He began earnestly.

Hephaestus’ quill came to a stop again – he looked up warily, “Alphinaud.”

“Do you study debate?”

“Barely,” Hephaestus lied, looking back down again.

Aurelia snickered. She knew he was full of shite: she’d heard shades in Amaurot’s Hall of Rhetoric sing his praises – he was purportedly quite good at it.

Alphinaud shot her a puzzled look, “Is something amusing?”

“No,” Aurelia grinned.

Hephaestus frowned, glancing up and studying her warily for a moment before returning his attention to his notes again.

“…Aurelia…” Alphinaud piped up again after a moment.

“Hm?” Aurelia turned her gaze back away from Hephaestus.

“…We were just arguing about food,” he told her sheepishly.

Hephaestus’ quill came to a stop yet again.

“…Oh,” Aurelia muttered.

Hephaestus gave a barely audible snort, shaking his head and resuming his work.

[tagohd]

May 2023

Even though I'm not starting my Patreon yet, I still think it would be a good idea to put out monthly progress reports, at least for my own records. So, here's a look at what I got done this month:

TL;DR

Finished one song that is now in the process of being published

Expanded on the lore behind my songs

Made progress on rewriting a song I first wrote in 2020 and began rewriting last June

Added to a song I thought was already finished

Started 3 new WIPs

Rhapsody for a Dying City

I began writing this song near the end of February, and I was stuck on it for some time. Initially titled simply "Jazzy Thing", I thought it could work as the theme for a city, so I changed the name to "City" until I could come up with something better. Eventually, the song evolved into something of a rhapsody with 5 distinct sections (A-E) spanning multiple genres, so I finally settled on the title "Rhapsody for a Dying City". What city it was and why it was dying would be decided later (more on that in a bit).

By the beginning of the month, I had the main idea for the song mostly completed. I still needed to write a saxophone solo, so I ended up hiring a professional, Brian Campbell, to improvise one for me. Since he also plays the clarinet, I hired him for that as well. On 5 May, after he sent back the recordings, of which there were five, I had to decide which ones to use, which was not an easy task. While listening to the entire song, I ended up deciding it would sound better if the sax came in a few measures earlier. This also allowed me to use more of the solos he recorded; the final version is actually a combination of four different recordings.

At the same time, I made some other changes to the song. I added a bass line throughout the song (prior to this, the piano was the main source of bass), a rhythm guitar part and a piano part in Section D, and a violin part and a pad in Section E. I also changed the bass line in Section E to be more active.

Then I began playing with the mixing. I decided to double track the guitars to give them a larger stereo presence: the lead guitar is panned completely to the left, and I added a delay that's panned completely to the right. I then did the same thing to the rhythm guitar, but in the opposite direction. I also added some effects and automation. You can hear some of this in the sample I uploaded: the reverb, saturation, and stereo width on the saxophone are gradually increased, giving it a psychedelic sound.

By 12 May, once I was satisfied with the mix, it was time for mastering. While I do have software that can essentially master for me (iZotope Ozone 9), I wasn't satisfied with the results. Because the song spans multiple genres and Ozone's Mastering Assistant only listens to one section of the song, I felt it would be better to hire a professional to do the mastering for me. As an added bonus, the mastering engineer I hired, Andres Mayo, also gave me some tips on how to improve my mix. A week later, and the song was mastered.

MONO

Of course, even though the song was finished, it still wasn't ready to be published. It needed album art. For that, I turned to my beloved mutual @lunathrix, who also made the album art for my first EP, A Losing Proposition, which is available for streaming or purchase on pretty much any platform. But what was he supposed to draw? That's where MONO comes in.

MONO is essentially the world for which my songs are the soundtrack. Conceived as a video game based on the hero's journey, I really hadn't done much with the story since I first had the idea in late 2020. But in order to ensure the album art remained (mostly) consistent with the story, @lunathrix had the idea to compile all of the lore into one place instead of leaving it scattered across a few Google Docs and our 3 years of DMs. I initially attempted to create a blog (@mono-lore) for holding all of it, but that quickly became untenable due to the scope of the project, so we switched to Obsidian with the "vault" maintained as a repository on GitHub. (I also briefly considered Scrivener, but Obsidian is free instead of $50, so it had a pretty large advantage.)

Just getting everything together and organized was a pretty large task in and of itself. In order to get all of our DMs, I ended up exporting the entirety of my main blog. (I found a tool that purported to extract just the DMs via Tumblr's API, but I couldn't get it to work.) After waiting almost an entire day, my blog was finally downloadable as an 80 GB(!!) ZIP file. I still don't know how big it is when uncompressed; I only wanted the DMs, so that's all I extracted. Anyway, once everything was in Obsidian, the lore quickly expanded, especially since I could now build off ideas I'd forgotten about.

This update has already gone on long enough, and I'm still not done, so I won't get too detailed, but here's a summary of some of the changes we've made:

New characters, including a secondary antagonist and a lesbian dragon who pines for the protagonist's horse

New information about existing characters, e.g. age, appearance, last names

The towns now have actual names instead of just being "Hometown/Boringsville", "Snowy Village", and "City". They are now Genton, Plata, and Rhapsody, respectively. (Yes, I know that technically makes the song "Rhapsody for Rhapsody". Maybe I'll come up with a better name later, but that's still better than just calling it "City".)

As it relates to "Rhapsody for a Dying City" and its album art, we decided the song was about the protagonist, Luke Campbell (no relation to Brian), having to go to Rhapsody to retrieve a legendary artifact known as "CURSED AL'S CURSED ORB". Other highlights include: Luke being an idiot and accidentally grabbing a chocolate orange instead, and one of the new characters, Case Weston, fighting him for THE ORB before he eventually joins Luke's side (but it's not because he likes Luke or anything, baka).

(Note to self: just realized that "Case Weston" sounds like "Case Western". That was unintentional, though it may have been subconscious. Not sure how to feel about that.)

Snowy, Pt. 1 (Rewrite)

(Okay, I'm almost done, I promise.) Although "Rhapsody" was my main project for this month, I did work on a couple other things as well, including a rewrite of one of my first songs, "Snowy, Pt. 1".

Last year, I started rewriting the songs on my first EP because they don't meet my current standards. For instance, I always intended for "Snowy, Pt. 1" to be a bit dissonant, but not as dissonant as it actually is. I had already fixed the piano part last year, but this month I finished writing the new flute part. I still need to fix the strings and the drums, though. I also still need to work on rewriting the other songs from A Losing Proposition.

Boringsville

Inspired by the sax on "Rhapsody", I added a sax part to "Boringsville", essentially giving it a new melody. Also had an idea to combine the "chiptune" version with the version featuring more realistic instruments.

When I first wrote "Boringsville" in August of last year, I actually wrote a second version that I envisioned would play when you're walking around the village at night. This month I added drums to it. I still need to fix them because I forgot that the night version isn't swung.

New WIPs

"Crystalline" - Not sure yet where this would play. Kinda too similar to the "Area Zero" theme from Pokémon Scarlet and Violet.

"Power" - A song that might play when you acquire/are in the vicinity of THE ORB and/or a chocolate orange (THE ORBNGE?)

"Untitled" - An idea I had for a song that either plays when you're on Luke's farm or when you're at the abandoned mine in Plata (or possibly both). I haven't written it down yet because every time I try to play it, I end up playing The Ink Spots instead.

All in all, this felt like an unusually productive month. Next month's update might not be as long.

[leafofkudzu]

Hello and happy impending December! The first Saturday of said impending month fast approaches, which means it's time for another art party hosted by my guild, Verdant Shield [VS]! I had been toying with the idea of a Wintersday themed party for this month, but since the holidays are a ways off still, let's instead kick back and take in the warm wintry vibes of the Zelechor Hot Springs!

For those who aren't familiar with art parties, they're a concept carried over from Final Fantasy XIV - in-game get-togethers for artists/writers/creatives of all types to hang out, chat, and create together! Get your favorite character/look together, head to the location, find someone that catches your eye, and create! Afterwards, everyone posts their creations in a shared tag (ours is #VSArtParty) so others can see, interact, and share! Tl;dr: the ‘goal’ of an art party isn’t to be drawn, but to draw others, and share with the community!

Time and /squadjoin information is under the cut, but will also be posted again via reblogs as the squads go up on the day of the party!

Location Information:

The Zelechor Hot Springs is a location that's been suggested a few times, and met this month's loose criteria for a wintry theme, so tada! It's about halfway up the West side of Wayfarer Foothills, and has a convenient waypoint literally directly at it, no mounts or funny trickery required!

This might be the most useless map image yet, but ta da!:

Time & Squad Details:

The time zone weirdness from last month has now sorted itself out, so unless you're in an area where Daylight Savings Time doesn't apply, things should be back to their normal times again!

As we always do, we'll be having two parties - one on EU servers and one on NA ones - with an hour break in between, though people often jump directly from one to the other so don't be surprised to see things running late and/or starting early!

The first party will be on EU servers and begin at 9pm Central European Time (aka 3pm Eastern Standard Time or 4 hours before in-game reset). I'll be hosting on my EU alt account, so to join either /squadjoin or whisper Aemryn of Dusk for an invite.

The second party will be on NA servers and begin at 7pm Eastern Standard Time (aka 1am Central European Time or at in-game reset). I'll be hosting on my main account, so to join either /squadjoin or whisper Zhalsi for an invite.

Closing Words:

My apologies for the slightly delayed post, and also for the strange format of the image - I'm on a trip out of the country atm and apparently forgot to bring the right external drive with all my stuff on it! But I still have computer access, so don't you worry about the hosting of stuff, I'll be just fine!

Thank you all for coming out to these, I know I don't talk much aside from fielding whispers from people wondering what's going on, but I do enjoy watching everyone have fun and make such good memories together! These events are the highlight of each month for me, for sure, and I can't wait to see you all again next week! ♥

[canisitsnotlupus]

Hi, I just stumbled upon your blog, and I was wondering if you have any advice on training a dog to not bite? My family's fostering a 9-month old mutt named Kayla, who we've had about 7 weeks, and she's proving to be difficult. She snaps at people and very occasionally draws blood, and I've never heard her growl outside of play, and there's barely any warning of an incoming bite if you can't see her face. She's probably only 20 pounds, and though she used to let us pick her up to put her in her kennel, she won't anymore -- I'll sit next to her on the bed and pet her, but when my hand starts to go under her, she'll bite at it. It seems like she's afraid some of the time, but other times she'll go after hands like they're toys, and she's got a strong enough jaw that even those grazes hurt. She's just a foster, and there's a very good chance that if she bites an adopter, she'll get put down.

We're not taking her to adoption events anymore(obviously), but last time we did(3ish weeks ago), we had noticed that she wouldn't leave her stitches alone(she'd been spayed a month prior), and we wanted to show the head of our foster organization(lets call her amy). So my mother picks her up, and Kayla's completely fine until Amy starts to get closer to her, at which point Kayla starts thrashing and biting. Amy decided to have her kid(an adult) come over and hold the dog so she can get a good look at it, and then they walk away, with Kayla screaming and thrashing. When they come back, Kayla's stopped thrashing, Amy has determined that there's a stitch still in Kayla's incision, and Amy's kid has a gash in her hand from keeping the dog from eating somebody's face. Amy's advice is to never give Kayla what she wants when she starts biting, and to just wait for her to tire herself out and then keep doing whatever it is you were doing. We also have 3 other dogs, and they're not particularly comfortable with her, because she clearly doesn't get it when they tell her to back off.

TL;DR: do you have any recommendations for training a dog that bites people against that, besides "hand her off to a trainer"?

Sorry for the long ask, it's just that Google isn't providing any relevant results, and finding your blog seemed like fate. Let me know if there's any additional info I can offer that would help!

I do not offer training advice online unless I'm 1) being paid (nothing to do with you - I'm just notorious working for free a lot and it was one of my 2023 things to fix!) and 2) it is not aggression. Given this is aggression, yes, the only suggestion - and the only ethical one from *any* dog trainer in my opinion - is you need to find a trainer to work directly with you - preferably in person, as this is dealing with a dangerous situation. My suggestion for this is always: 1) vet first, and get completely cleared for any sort of injury/illness. 2) a local positive trainer who has experience with reactivity and aggression. 3) the dog is kept on a strict schedule that does not allow people, other animals, etc. to be put in a dangerous situation where they can be bitten while working with a trainer to find the cause and form a game plan. 4) look for a behaviorist if trainer recommends it or contact vet about anxiety medications that can help dog get into a state where training and rehabilitation can happen. My heart breaks for you. Aggression is so difficult and heartbreaking to deal with, and I am so sorry you're going through it, but morally I do not feel I can give you any advice beyond these bare basic frameworks I would suggest for any training issue. I know it wasn't the answer you wanted to hear. I am not sure of the wording, but if you meant 'hand her off' as rehome, I do not think that might be necessary unless you've spoken with someone directly that can help you. I also, generally, tend to shy from board and trains (also not sure if you meant that, I apologize) for aggression, but that's more I don't trust most trainers. I would find someone 1) positive based only, 2) aggression experience, and 3) that comes to your home to work with you and gives you a game plan that they will help you execute. Thank you for the ask and I am wishing you luck, and again, I'm so sorry you're going through this. I hope your pup recovers well from this issue and you go on to have many happy days together. <3

[lexis-trash]

Third question time dkKLS it’s no problem, these things are really cute to hear <33 ngl imagining this in my head, all of this sounds hella adorable

Idk if you imagined this far yet, but, how’d you imagine you two first meeting? If you didn’t think that far then how would you two celebrate milestones like anniversaries and birthdays, if you celebrate those at all?

OH BOY I HAVE A WHOLE ASS STORY IN MY HEAD BUT IT MOSTLY APPLIES TO MY PERSONA INSTEAD OF ME BUT WHATEVER HERE WE GO-

Imma make the TL;DR here because I accidentally wrote a fucking essay lol

TL;DR: My persona Lexi and Senpai met because Lexi was trying to eat him due to her alien/demon instincts kicking in. Rather than run away, he was interested and tried to befriend her. Me (irl) and Senpai met because I found a rom of his game online and downloaded it. I realized he was self aware and trapped so I extracted his character data onto a memory card and found a way to project him into the real world (it's contrived I knowww but shhhh)

Press the read more if you wanna read the full version of Senpai and my persona meeting ;0

So Senpai was walking home from school with Monika (He joined one of her literature club meetings just for fun and I see them as siblings (Monika is older heeehee) but while they were walking home, they noticed something green was glowing in the darkness of the night. This was Lexi (she has gems tied to her horns that glow)

Um anyways so she started hypnotizing Senpai because again, she's an alien demon thing and she feeds off of the life force from the people she hypnotizes (think of vampires from the sims 4). Senpai isn't really effected by her hypnotizing, and Monika was like "We should go" but Senpai felt bad for her? She was just hiding in the darkness and when she realized her powers didn't work, she just silently went back to go lurk again. So despite how odd he thought she was, and the fact that she tried to eat his soul he approached her and tried to talk. She didn't speak, but she seemed interested in him... To the point where after Monika and Senpai left to continue their journey home, she started following him like a lost puppy, so they decided to let her stay at their home for one night.

Well, one night became several nights.

Senpai just couldn't help but try and befriend this girl. The two were becoming closer, and he may or may not have developed a little crush... All the girls (and boys) at his school seemed to like him for artificial reasons... But Lexi was different. She always seemed interested in everything he was doing, even if It was boring stuff like homework or chores. He's never had someone show genuine interest in him... Even if it was the weird fascinationation she had with him.

Lexi, meanwhile was so intrigued by this boy. She's been on earth for a while but Senpai was the first person she's tried to eat that looked at her differently. He didn't run or insult her, and he didn't try to attack or ridicule her either. Along with this, she's never had a real relationship with someone before. Senpai would talk to her like... A friend. He would give her gifts, snacks, and on the rare occasion that he went out somewhere, he would take her with him. She also developed a little crush, but she didn't understand it much...

Anyways, one day Senpai was drawing something and Lexi was watching... He drew the two of them together and Lexi said her first words wtf (Lexi isn't a baby, and its not like she doesn't know how to speak or anything. She just speaks very little because she's never spoken to people before.) She just pointed at his pencil and said "Can I draw something too...?" And of course Senpai was like "WTF" because its been like a month and this is the first time shes ever spoken but he was also like "Yeah :D" so they just took turns drawing stuff for a bit and talking...

Yada yada more slowburn, look its 5:30 a.m. here and I am tired so imma wrap this up 😭 Monika just approached Lexi one day and was like "Look, I don't mind you two dating but if you break his heart I may have to delete you" and Lexi was like "Huh??" And then Monika realized that these two FOOLS HAVE NOT REALIZED THAT THEY'RE SO OBVIOUSLY IN LOVE WITH EACH OTHER so she sets up a date for them and then they kissyyyyyy yay love wins

Okaayyyyy I am going to sleep-

[snapscube]

You might have said this before, but what happened to the SnapStreams format? Did you just end up deciding to replace it with the style of stream highlights you've been doing lately? If so, that's fine obviously, I was just kinda curious on what happened to the format

Initially it was put on hiatus as Sophie was in need of some time off to deal with life stuff. After a while, she reached out to me and explained that the time off would most likely need to become an official stepping away from the SnapStreams editor position. Of course I was fully supportive of both decisions, but I didn’t really have a backup plan at the time so it kinda just ended up being the case that SnapCube majorly slowed down for a bit, as not only were SnapStreams defunct but Let’s Plays had also been moved over to SnapCube 2. After a while longer, I was inspired by the many MANY Jerma985 highlight compilations and stream edits I started to get into at the time and I thought “I’d like to try this out for my own streams and see if I can maybe get some eyes on my own stuff this way :)”

So the idea in Summer of 2021 became:

- I would hire an editor to create edits of individual streams that could be uploaded to SnapCube and uniquely branded so as to best keep engagement up and allow myself to be creative with upload style again. This would happen weekly, which is in most cases a wonderful balance based on my average stream consistency and the needs of SnapCube as a channel. Ellie applied for this position and was ultimately chosen.

- I also wanted to, alongside the individual edits, re-utilize the SnapStreams branding for monthly super compilations of the absolute best stream bits throughout a month. I offered this position to Tracey, who initially applied for the first position but was enthusiastic to try this other idea out as well and accepted the role.

This structure worked for a couple of months but, as you can probably assume based on the shockingly few episodes of this new take on SnapStreams that were uploaded, ran into some hiccups. Namely, only a couple months into the new run I started to deal with some serious fatigue and mental health struggles that prevented me from finding enough energy to stream at a consistent rate. The amount of footage that Tracey was able to compile in a single month was hardly up to the length standard we had agreed on, through no fault of her own, so we experimented with trying to keep up with the goal by combining the last couple of months into a single compilation. The problem with that though is that this plan suffered from some scope creep we did not anticipate and ended up just becoming way too stressful.

Not to mention, honestly, people weren’t really responding to this new version of SnapStreams. All the episodes performed way below expectation and it didn’t really have the audience draw that I was hoping it would. It was nice for those who already cared, but the new version of the series was supposed to act as a bit of an investment into allowing more people to discover my streams and possibly tune in live sometime, which you can’t do if the only people watching are mostly the ones who already watch. So, Tracey and I had a few discussions about how we wanted to move forward and I made the call to basically call it quits on SnapStreams for good.

So, yeah, TL;DR: SnapStreams as a video series is basically done, I can’t see a future where I have any reason to bring it back based on how well the current structure is working out for the main channel. I think it’s overall a positive thing though. it was exactly what it needed to be for a time, and though the revival wasn’t the success I was hoping for, it gave me a chance to work with Tracey, who is an incredibly skilled and thoughtful editor, and we’re actually gonna be working together to develop another idea in the next couple of months I’ve been wanting to try for a bit: a dedicated short-form SnapCube clip channel for the trendy sites like TikTok and YouTube :) which I’m excited about!!

[sockgate]

what makes you think they’re not baiting us?

well.... they've been shady for awhile since their return and the louis re-release. i will do a throughout recap for you anon: 

if you need background on louis connection and past campaign with polari i recommend these posts

- prior to this year, polari had been inactive on instagram and did not sell clothing since 2019.

- polari returned nov 9 with a 2022 clothing line. they immediately began teasing a re-release of louis’ 2017 campaign. they also changed their pfp to the ferricadooza art

- on nov 12, the day of the louis launch, the acc posted these messages. the first message has been deleted, the second one is still up

many things to note about these!!! letters missing due to misspelling, capitalized letters, language reminiscent of dykwya, they are also screenshots of a word processor on a computer (i cant figure it out which one), Look into Polari *harry voice* “we’re all trying!!!!!!”

i also think the writing of these is very interesting which is making me think they’re coded. i tried the polari dictionary, looking into polari writing methods (like letter writing), and even cyphers and cryptography but haven’t found anything :/ tl;dr i have no clue how to decode these past their literal meanings

- after the louis re-release (nov 12) the colour of their pfp had changed about every 24 hours to a different colour used in their 2022 line. this included: peach, yellow and lavender. they skipped green. there is speculation the pfp change was every 28 hours, which is also possible as each colour was up for more than a calendar day

- on nov 13, this was commented under their most recent photo x

- the acc then posted cyan / turquoise, to their feed. it was quickly deleted. what colour is this??? blue or green??

- polari started their non-binary campaign on nov 13. they also added they/them pronouns to their bio. and another message was posted (now deleted)

- since the release of their non-binary line, louis campaign shirt and sweater are back on their website for sale. those items had been previously removed from sale on nov 13.

- harry has also been posted on the acc a few times (on both their feed and story) since they started their non-binary campaign!!!

other important things to note:

- before they unfollowed to zero, polari followed both louis and harry

- the quality of the pictures they post are TERRIBLE. i have no clue why they would post such low quality pics, especially ones that belong to their own campaigns. they’re so bad they’re joking about it in the comments and captions of their pics lol

my thoughts: no anon, i dont think they’re baiting us. personally, i think this is a lead up to louis is doing another campaign with them, considering they continue to post pics of him (and now harry) on their feed. polari was an insane thing louis was able to pull off at a very interesting time in his career, and considering its history, i think it was a very important project for him. i don’t think they are simply using us or louis for clout, considering all these posts are making the brand look utterly insane to most people. cryptic messaging does not draw people in, it draws US in. we know what to look for and if its worth sticking around. considering the amount of work put into all this, and that its continued for almost a month, whoever is running this acc must be very familiar with louis fanbase.

[watchmegetobsessed]

An Ocean Away - Harry Styles

Sequel to Tastes Like Strawberries 🍓 !

a/n: ahhh! thank you so much for the love you showed TLS! i already had more planned for the story, but all your comments motivated me to do this part 2! it’s an emotional one so brace yourselves! further in the chapter i placed the song that inspired the title and i listened to it while writing so i suggest you do the same!

pairing: professor!Harry x Reader

warning: sexual content

word count: 12.7k

masterlist

You walk down the familiar hallway texting back Eden that you are not spending the night at home again.

Eden: You really need to tell me about the dick that keeps you so busy these days.

Y/N: I never said a thing about any dick.

Eden: Oh please, you surely got yourself a rebound after Harry, you can’t tell me otherwise.

Y/N: Don’t you get a rebound when you broke up with someone? I was never together with Harry, so it doesn’t make sense.

Eden: You had a thing!! Okay, whatever. Keep your little secrets, I guess it’s fine…

Y/N: Love you!

Chuckling to yourself you put the phone away and stop at the door you know all too well, knocking two times before you open it and poke your head inside.

Harry is sitting at his desk, his reading glasses sitting low on the bridge of his nose as he is vigorously scribbling something down into his notebook. He lifts his head at your arrival and you shut the door closed behind you.

“Hello, professor,” you smile at him teasingly, walking around his desk as he pushes himself back a little so you can sit on his lap, pecking his lips gently.

“Hey, done for the day?” he asks, his fingers tenderly stroking your thighs over the fabric of your jeans.

“Yeah. We can leave if you’re done,” you nod.

“Just a few more minutes, alright?”

“Sure,” you nod, standing up from his lap so he can finish his work while you sit on the little loveseat he has in the corner, right under the window.

It’s been six weeks since New Year’s Eve, the new semester has officially started, you’re working your way towards your degree as this is officially your last semester, but what’s more important that you and Harry have been a couple for six weeks following the heated actions of New Year’s Eve.

Harry is still quite anxious about the whole thing, always on high alert and he even asked you to lie to Eden and Nat too. You tried to fight him on that, but you could tell how much he wanted to protect what you had so you decided to feed them this elaborate story about how you and Harry had a fight on New Year’s Eve and realized that it would have never worked out so you agreed to stay just friends. It seems like they believed, because they’ve been keen on trying to set you up with someone while you just keep dodging their attempts, sneaking around with Harry behind their back.

Other than the continuous lying and sneaking around, things have been going well with him. You’ve been spending a lot of time at his place, the only hiding spot where you can be carefree around each other without always watching out for others around you.

Today is Valentine’s day and though your opportunities to celebrate are very slim, having anything that’s slightly public crossed out of the list, that still doesn’t stop the two of you from having a good night in.

You watch him curiously as he is reading the lines of someone’s essay probably, or some test, whatever. Holding the pen ready to use whenever he finds something incorrect, he furrows his eyebrows at something before crossing out a line, mouthing the words he writes to the side of the page. He doesn’t wear his glasses that often, but he’s been complaining about having dry eyes these past days so it’s no surprised he switched to them from his contact lenses.

“You look sexy in your glasses, have I told you that?”

He glances at you, a small smirk tugging on his lips before he returns to the paper in front of him.

“Think they make me look older,” he mumbles under his breath.

“Nah, not more at least than your grandpa sweaters,” you tease him, earning a ‘Really? This again?’ look from him that makes you chuckle.

You busy yourself while Harry finishes his work and then you head out together, strictly keeping the distance between each other. Walking out of the building Harry heads to the left where the car park is while you take a turn to the right. It’s been your usual, since you can’t have anyone see you get into Harry’s car so casually, so you usually walk down to the small café near Building D, because there’s a very narrow little street running behind it where you can get into the car without anyone noticing you. You do the same now too before finally heading back to Harry’s place. Sinking into the comfortable seat, you stare out the window, thinking about how it’s just been six weeks since New Year’s Eve, but it feels like you’ve been together with Harry for months. Despite his many doubts and hesitant act, it was easy to fall into a kind of routine with him, and even more easier to get used to the thought that he is yours and you are his.

During these six weeks you’ve learned quite a few things about him, things women on campus would die to know and they were handed over to you on a silver plate by Harry himself.

One, he is a very touchy person, of course, when he has the chance for it. In the safety of his home or when you have a few minutes for yourselves in his office, he always likes to have his hand on your back or waist, he loves touching your hips or cheeks, caressing the skin wherever it shows from under your clothes. He is also very cuddly, likes to wrap you in his arms when you’re watching TV and when it’s time to sleep the first thing he does is to pull you into his embrace. You usually wake up in the morning with him completely wrapped around you, limbs thrown over you, face buried into your chest or stomach. He is a messy sleeper, but also a fucking adorable one.

Two, he is a good cook but not that good at baking. He says it’s the universe’s sign that he shouldn’t eat as much sweet stuff as he does, but in reality he just sucks at measuring the ingredients. He never follows the recipe, easily goes with things his own way and then he is surprised when it doesn’t turn out as it should.

Three, he notices the smallest things you’d never. Like how you hate it when the Sun is shining right into your face so he always makes sure to draw the blinds in the evening, or that you prefer sleeping with more pillows so he just simply gives you an extra without even asking every time you’re spending the night. He cares so much about you to the smallest details, it always makes your heart flutter.

And four, though he keeps a tough act in school, he is a lovesick puppy when no one is around, likes to be the small spoon when cuddling, absolutely adores it when you cup his face in your palms and kiss it all over. Loves it when you play with his hair or when you hug him from behind, kissing between his shoulder blades. He always tells you how pretty you are and never misses a chance to sneak a kiss from you. You couldn’t imagine him do any of these before you really knew him, but now you see that all these little things are just as much parts of him like the version of him he shows at school. You feel lucky to be able to see him like this and you’ll probably never get bored of it.

Arriving to his place you drop your bag off at the bedroom before you join him in the kitchen, already eyeing the flyer to the nearby Italian place that delivers.

“How about pizza?” he hums, eyebrows knitted together as he scans the menu.

“Sounds good. Can we order dessert too?” Walking past him you kiss his shoulder before grabbing a glass for yourself, filling it with tap water.

“Oh, no need,” he shyly answers, glancing at you. “We… have dessert.”

You watch him with curious eyes as he disappears in his little study before emerging with a plate filled with pink cupcakes. They look wobbly, the cream on top is not the same on either of them, but because you know he made them, they are the most perfect you’ve ever seen.

He places the plate to the counter with a shy smile before turning to you.

“Happy Valentine’s Day,” he murmurs, hands finding your hips as he pulls you in for a kiss.

“Oh baby, did you stay up last night to make these?” you ask, touched that he took the time and energy to surprise you with something. Harry nods and you kiss his dimples softly.

“Mm, they are strawberry flavored,” he smirks boyishly.

“We are never escaping strawberries,” you chuckle softly as you dip your fingertip into the cream on top of one of the cakes, tasting it. “Hmm, this is actually good,” you tell him.

“Yeah, the cream is kind of okay, dunno about the rest though,” he admits chuckling.

“As long as it’s not poisonous, I’ll love it,” you giggle kissing his lips again softly. “Alright, but I can’t go over the fact that we agreed on no gifts for Valentine’s Day,” you say giving him a look.

“S’not a gift, just… a little gesture,” he shrugs innocently.

“Okay, then you can’t get mad over my little gesture,” you smirk at him, peeling his arms off you before you run into his bedroom to get his gift.

You really weren’t planning to give him anything, but you had a good idea last minute and couldn’t just not do it. Digging into your bag you pull out the little box and join him in the kitchen again, handing it to him.

“It’s not fair if you spent money on it,” he pouts, but you just roll your eyes.

“You spent money on the cupcakes too. But besides, I didn’t spent a penny on it. Open it!” You urge him.

Harry huffs but takes the lid off, revealing a stack of Polaroid photos. In this not too ideal situation the two of you are living in, there’s no chance you can ever post anything about him, even though there are quite a few cute photos of you with Harry. Eden recently bought a Polaroid printer and you borrowed it to print your favorite pictures of the two of you. There’s one from the morning after New Year’s Eve, just a silly selfie you took in bed, then one with the band from Harry’s birthday recently, a photo of the two of you backstage of one of his gigs you took in the mirror, he has his guitar in his hands as you stand next to him smiling widely. There are a few more with Sarah, Mitch, Charlotte and Adam and at the very end of the stack… some special ones.

You watch him go through them smiling warmly until he reaches the last few and freezes. You took the courage to take a few spicy ones of yourself in your favorite lingerie and thought it would be sexy to print them out as well and give them to him.

“I hope you’re not thinking about selling them already,” you chuckle. Harry glances up at you before shaking his head with a playful smirk.

“Was just a little surprised by them,” he admits.

“Do you… like them?”

“Oh baby, I love them, you look… wow,” he breathes out going over the pictures one more time. “But I’m gonna have to lock these away so no one finds them. Adam likes to go over my stuff when he is over, I definitely don’t want him to find them.”

“You better keep them safe because if anyone sees them I’m burying myself,” you snort.

Harry puts the stack of photos back into the box before leaning down he cups your face and kisses you gently.

“Thank you, love the pictures. All of them,” he adds cheekily and you feel yourself blushing.

He leans in to kiss you again, putting the box aside to the counter and this time it’s not just one short kiss, he carries it on, taking his time with your lips, savoring and tasting you without a worry in the world. It grows more and more passionate, tongues clashing and you tug at his hair, lacing your fingers through his locks, a moan escaping his pink lips.

You start inching backwards until your backside meets the edge of the counter. Harry doesn’t hesitate to pull your sweater off of you, throwing it behind before his lips are pressed against yours again. It doesn’t take long for his shirt and pants and your jeans to end up on the floor somewhere behind him, leaving you both in just your underwear. You kiss down his neck and collarbones, your lips gliding across his tattooed chest as you slowly slide down to your knees, hands moving over his growing bulge.

Hooking your fingers into the elastic of his boxers, you tug them down and pull his erection out, already so hard for you and you barely even touched him.

“What does my Valentine deserve for making me cupcakes?” you hum, teasingly pumping him a few times with your hands. Harry whimpers under your touch, but doesn’t answer so you stop your hands and look up at him. “Talk to me, what do you want?”

“Your mouth,” he breathes out, his eyes meeting yours, filled with lust and hunger only for you. Smirking to yourself you lick his length up before gently kissing the head, swirling your tongue around the tip before you slowly take him into your mouth.

“Oh fuck, baby!” he pants when you start bobbing your head, pumping the base in sync with your head’s movements.

His hand comes to the back of your head, fingers lacing through your hair. He doesn’t force you, he never does, just likes to hold onto you. You try to take him deeper and deeper with each movement until you fit his whole cock into your mouth, keeping it there for a few seconds before pulling away and letting him go.

“You’re gonna be the death of me,” he mumbles, helping you up from the floor, kissing your lips hard as he is already pulling your panties down your legs. “How do you want it?”

“From behind,” you tell without hesitation, turning around so you can lean onto the counter and push your ass up for him.

You feel one of his hands stroke down your spine while the other one reaches between your legs, his fingers finding your clit, drawing gentle circles on it at first before he goes a little harder, making you moan his name.

“Harry, please!” you beg, the need to feel him growing with each passing second.

He pulls his hand back, grabbing his hard cock as he lines himself up with you, one hand on his shaft, the other one holding your hip firmly to keep you in place. First he pushes just the tip inside and when he is sure you’re ready to take more, he slides all of him inside, filling you up perfectly.

“Shit, you feel so fucking good. Always so good,” he breathes out, both his hands coming to grip your waist as his hips meet your ass from behind.

He starts moving, going a little soft at the beginning before he gets rougher, his hips smacking against your ass with each thrust. You arch your back and push your ass up so you’re angled just perfectly for him, he runs a hand up your back, sliding it under the clasp of your bra and he leaves it there while fucking you from behind oh so well.

“Harry, oh my God!” you groan when he starts hitting that one spot that makes you go crazy.

“Feeling good, baby?”

“Fuck! So good!” you gasp, feeling the pleasure building up with each thrust. “Go harder!” you beg and once he has both hands on your hips again he does as you asked, railing into you hard, making you keep gasping for air.

“Getting close? Tell me when you’re about to cum, baby.”

“I’m close, please don’t stop!” you pant, hands holding onto the counter’s edge for dear life.

He reaches around you, a hand coming between your legs as his fingers find your clit again, adding to the sensation as he starts playing with it just the way you like it.

“Fuck, fuck! I’m gonna cum! Harry!” you moan uncontrollably and he growls deeply from his chest.

“Cum with me, baby. Give it to me,” he breathes out sharply and he just keeps railing you hard, fingers working on your clit until he feels your walls clench around his dick. “Oh fuck, yes, baby! Cum on my cock!” he gasps and at the same time as you go through your orgasm, you feel him twitch inside you, coming hard with you at the same time. “Jesus fuck! I love you, Y/N!”

You gasp at his words, eyes snapping open in the middle of your orgasm and all air pushes out of your lungs for a moment.

He whimpers and moans, thrusting into you a few more times before he comes to a halt, both of you panting like crazy, coming off your high. When he slowly slides his softening cock out of you, you turn around and look into his eyes. For a moment you thought he just said it in the heat of the moment and he didn’t even realize it, but when your eyes meet his, you can tell he is a little afraid of what your reaction is going to be.

“Did you mean that?” you quietly ask as he tucks his dick back into his boxers, pulling them up, but you don’t bother to put your underwear back on, standing there in only your bra.

“I-I did. I didn’t mean to say it now, but I did mean it,” he nods. “Is it… too soon?”

“No,” you smile at him, stepping closer so you can cup his face in your palms, kissing his lips softly. “I love you too.”

“You do?” he asks, surprised at your reaction.

“Of course, silly. I wouldn’t give my nudes to someone I don’t,” you joke making him chuckle, his arms coming to curl around your waist.

“Sorry, this wasn’t too… romantic,” he breathes out and you press a kiss to the corner of his mouth.

“You said you love me while fucking me on Valentine’s Day after exchanging cute gifts. I think it’s romantic,” you chuckle, finally making him smile. “Besides, I don’t care about the setting, just feels nice to hear you say it.”

“Yeah?” “Mhm, care to say it again so I can see your eyes as well?”

“I love you,” he softly murmurs, his forehead resting against yours.

“Yeah, feels better when I can actually look at you,” you chuckle kissing him softly. “I love you too.”

It’s definitely not just fun and games, being in a secret relationship that no one can know about. It surely adds a lot of tension into the situation, having to be so careful all the time and be reserved to the point where you can’t even be seen too often together.

As the semester carries on you always keep your ears open if there’s anything going on about you and Harry. Though you only limit your time together on campus to the bare minimum, only talking on rare occasions, you still want to make sure no one is getting the wrong (or right) idea about what is going on between the two of you.

The worst part is probably having to lie to Eden and Nat all the time. You spend about three nights at Harry’s every week and you have to lie every time you leave. After a while you tell them that you’re dating this new guy but he wants to keep it low-key because he recently broke up with his previous girlfriend. That gives them enough peace not to nag you all the time but you can tell they really want to meet this new man in your life.

You’ve tried to discuss it with Harry, tell him that they won’t tell anyone but it ended in a fight and you kind of gave up. Harry is way too keen on keeping it a secret and it’s clear he is not gonna make any exceptions. At least it’s the same with his friends, the two of you act like just friends when you’re out with the band though you have a suspicion that Sarah can see through the act. However she chooses not to talk about it so it’s kept hidden.

You don’t fight much with Harry, but when you do, it’s major. You both can get really into the argument and it easily gets way too heated, turning into a screaming match until you both realize you should just talk it out and have a little more understanding for each other. The makeup sex after a fight however… that’s something that makes up for every nasty thing that’s said in the heat of the moment.

Nearing the end of the semester you both start to grow more stressed, you about finishing your last classes, your thesis and studying for your finals, Harry about the growing pile of essays and tests waiting to be graded. A lot of the time when you’re at his place you both are busy with your own stuff and only have the chance to actually be with each other when you go to bed. It takes a toll on the both of you, but you’re determined to make it work. Despite the unfortunate nature of how you are forced to maintain your relationship, it’s the healthiest one you’ve ever head and you definitely won’t give up on it too easily.

Though you, Nat and Eden turn in your thesis works mid-April, the semester is still not done for the three of you, the final exams are threateningly close at this point. Spring has officially kicked in, the weather is mostly clear and sunny, allows you to stay outside again and you take advantage of it.

One particular afternoon the three of you are lounging under the pergola, all three of you buried in a book or your notes when you spot Harry walking towards the building. You keep your eyes on him as he slowly approaches you, his gaze meets yours and he smiles at you shortly. It’s all you can get out in the public, but it’s more than nothing.

“Isn’t it hard to see him?” Eden asks and glancing her way you see that she is looking at Harry who is now busy with his phone.

“Why would it be?”

“I don’t know, you clearly had a thing for him and it wasn’t even just a one-sided flirting like every other women had with him. I couldn’t be around him if it happened to me.”

“It’s not like anything major happened. It was all bad timing and the situation wasn’t good. It’s better this way,” you tell her, trying to sound convincing while the guilt is eating you on the inside. All these lies are clouding over your head and you have a feeling they will come down on you pouring one day.

“Still crazy that you are friends with his friends though,” Nat chimes in, squinting her eyes in the sunshine.

“Yeah, you are literally the only person on campus who gets to see him in his private life,” Eden nods. If only they knew how much you see him privately!

“It’s not that crazy,” you shrug, turning back to your book.

You all get back to work, forgetting about Harry, or at least Nat and Eden does, because you get a text from him shortly after he disappeared in the building.

Harry: You look very pretty today :)

Y/N: Flirting with me on campus, professor?

Harry: Can’t help it.

Y/N: You look handsome too, it’s a shame I can’t kiss you stupid!

Harry: Patience!

 “Y/N? Did you hear what I said?” Nat grabs your attention from the phone and you realize she was talking to you.

“What? Uh, sorry.”

“I said that we should go out this weekend. It’s been ages since we last did anything other than studying.”

“I’m not sure…”

“Don’t come with your usual, rambling about how we shouldn’t have any fun before we finish,” Eden rolls her eyes.

“That’s not what I say. I just think that we have priorities.”

“I don’t know about you, but it’s a priority for me to have fun, so I’m down for a night out.

“I think I’m passing,” you mumble. You already made plans for the weekend with Harry, take a hike up the hills since the weather has been nice and it would be great to spend time together outside the house. The hiking routes are far away enough from town that uni students don’t like to take the hustle to drive all the way out so you’ll be fine being together outside.

“If you want to say that you have something planned with your mystery man, don’t even bother. If it’s not his birthday, we are overruling him,” Eden scoffs and you roll your eyes at her.

“Just go without me.”

“That’s not the same!” Nat whines. “Come on, Y/N. For once choose us!”

“That’s rude I choose you guys a lot of times!”

“Not since you’ve been spending half your life with some man and the other half in the library.”

“Yeah, we feel abandoned!” Nat pouts at you, trying to make you feel bad and in all honesty, she is succeeding.

“We can doll ourselves up, have fancy cocktails and all that, it’s gonna be fun! Come on, just one night! I can’t take another Saturday sitting in my room, reading my notes,” Eden growls and you sigh in defeat.

“Alright, I guess I’m in,” you mumble and your friends start cheering as if you just declared that men and women are going to get paid equally from now on.

You can tell Harry is bummed that you have to cancel your weekend plans, but he is also trying to be understanding.

“I couldn’t bring up a relevant argument so they made me say yes,” you growl when later that day you’re cuddling on his couch after dinner.

“S’fine,” he sighs, leaning down he pecks your lips shortly.

“Wish I could just tell them that I had plans with you,” you breathe out.

“Y/N…” “I know!” you roll your eyes. “It’s just that it would be nice if I could at least tell them the truth.”

“We already talked about this,” he sighs.

“I know, but that doesn’t change the fact that it bothers me,” you point out. “Am I not allowed to feel that way?”

“You are, I just don’t get why you keep bringing it up when there’s literally nothing I can do about it,” he retorts.

“Well there is, you just choose not to.” And with that, you officially pick another fight with him.

It’s not that you enjoy fighting with him, not at all, but the situation is so not ideal and you find his overprotectiveness a little too much at times. You don’t understand why you can’t share it with your two closest friends. You could at least tell Sarah or the other guys, have anyone know about the two of you, but literally no one on Earth knows that you are a couple and it’s bugging you way more than it probably should.

“Why are you so damn keen on making others know about us? What does that have to do with anything?” he growls throwing his hands into the air, standing in the opposite end of the room as you keep pacing the floor, the urge to keep on moving taking over you.

“Because—“ you snap, but stop yourself. You know if you say it out loud, he’ll think you’re stupid.

“Because what?!”

“Because i-it makes me feel like we are not even real! I can’t talk about us, I can’t touch you outside of this house, no one knows we are a thing and it’s so fucking nerve-wrecking, Harry!” you break down, feeling your throat closing up. You didn’t mean to get emotional over this, but you’ve been bottling it up for a while now.

Harry’s shoulder fall forward as he sees the change in you, the heat of the fight long forgotten. He crosses the room, hands reaching up to cup your face in his palms, his thumbs running across the soft skin under your eyes as he wipes the tears away.

“Baby, I know. You think I don’t want to show you off? I want to hold your hand and just take a walk with you, kiss you whenever I want to, show all the horny fratboys on campus that you’re taken. I know it’s hard, but we really don’t have a choice until the end of the semester.”

He gently kisses the tip of your nose before pulling you to his chest, your arms circle around his waist as you bury your face into the crook of his neck, trying to stop your sobs.

“I’m sorry. I really wish it was all different,” he murmurs, kissing into your hair softly.

“No, I’m sorry for bitching about this all the time. I knew what we were getting into,” you exhale sharply. “It just… really sucks.”

“It does. But we just have to be patient.”

You manage to put the fight behind and move on in peace, but a tiny thought remains buzzing in the very back of your mind. What happens when you finish school? Will it all be different? Harry will still be a professor and if people see you around together, they will know you were one of his students. What’s gonna be the difference? If he is so on edge now, something is telling you he won’t be changing dramatically and it concerns you. A lot.

Not willingly, but you go out with Nat and Eden on Saturday. You go to a place that’s quite popular between students, you can most likely always find familiar faces from lecture halls and classes. It’s close to campus and more on the cheap side, the perfect spot for uni students for a night of fun.

As expected, you run into some people from school and they invite the three of you to sit with them at their table which comes in handy, because there’s no empty place by the time you arrive.

One drink follows the other and you easily get tipsy especially because you skipped on dinner before heading out. Though you weren’t in the mood for tonight, you find yourself enjoying the conversation and the company. It really has been long since the last time you went out with the girls and it’s nice to spend some time with them without the books and notes.

A debate starts about whose course one of the boys, Jace should take next semester.

“Professor Peltz is fucking boring, dude,” Nat growls, taking a sip from her drink. “Had him last semester, I could barely stay awake during his lectures.”

“Yeah, but they say he gives good grades easily,” Jace argues.

“Okay, but who else can you choose from again?” Lydia, a girl who lived a few doors down from you when you lived in a dormitory your first year.

“Um, Professor Makley and Professor Styles.”

You freeze at the mention of Harry, especially upon hearing Lydia’s reaction.

“Jace, choose Professor Styles! He is so fucking hot!”

“Not that it matters to me, Lyd,” Jace chuckles.

“Oh come on, I know even guys think he is hot.”

You feel like an intruder in the conversation, keeping quiet as you listen to her rave about how hot she finds Harry. It’s like you are eavesdropping on something that wasn’t meant for your ears, but it’s just the guilt bubbling inside you once again, because you know you won’t be able to say a word without having to lie.

“She has a point,” another guy, Garrett chimes into the conversation. “The man is handsome and I’m not even ashamed to admit it.”

“See?” Lydia chuckles. “He is sexy and smart, the whole package. I’ve been daydreaming about him since first year.”

You catch Eden’s look, but you just busy yourself with gulping from your vodka cranberry, feeling uncomfortable in the situation but not even for the reason she thinks. Eden must think it’s weird because you had an actual thing with Harry, but the truth is… that thing is still very much ongoing.

“I would let that man do whatever he wants with me,” Lydia adds sighing longingly, and you are having a hard time to hold your tongue. Unfortunately, you don’t succeed.

“Not sure he wants anything to do with you,” you mumble into your drink and though you hoped your comment would stay unnoticed, but you are out of luck.

“You don’t know that for sure,” Lydia slyly replies, a bit too full of herself for your liking. Yes, she is pretty and definitely doesn’t have problem with guys, but she is a little too confident about Harry if you’re being honest.

“I’m sorry?” you ask with a soft, bit annoyed chuckle.

“I’m just saying that we’ll never know who he finds attractive, because we all know he keeps himself so far from his students.”

“Yeah, maybe because he is not interested in any of his students,” you point out.

“As if he would ever make a move on any of us,” she snorts and you are losing your temper. You shouldn’t have had so much to drink, because now you really can’t hold your tongue.

“You can never know, Lydia. You can’t know if he acts the way he does because he is just trying to be professional or because he is, and consider this, not interested in you. Maybe he would actually act up on his feelings but you’re just not his type.”

Your comment is more like just a harsh comeback to Lydia’s words, but Nat and Eden kind of catch on that something is up with you. Ignoring their questioning looks you chug down your drink and soon excuse yourself to get some fresh air. No surprise that they follow you like puppies.

“Girl, what was that inside?” Nat asks as the three of you stand near the entrance of the bar, a few smoking guests littering the area.

“I have no idea what you are talking about,” you mumble, clearly avoiding to look at any of them, wrapping your arms around your upper body as if you were trying to keep your shit together physically.

“You snapped at Lydia for saying Professor Styles might have a thing for her,” Eden points out, but you just bite the inside of your cheeks.

“Because it was bullshit.”

“Why does that matter to you? Not that you’re together with him or something,” Nat argues and you roll your lips into your mouth, trying to keep a straight face but they know you way better than that. They gasp at the same time, Eden grabbing your forearm forcefully that makes you scowl.

“Hey! That hurts!” you whine, but she couldn’t care less.

“Are you fucking around with Professor Styles?” Nat whisper yells at you, eyes wider than ever.

“I mean… we’re not fucking around,” you mumble, looking down at your shoes as you kick the dirt around. “We’re kinda serious.”

“Holy fucking shit!” Eden snaps, drawing some attention at her and you let out an awkward chuckle at the glances the three of you get. “Are you fucking joking right now?”

“No, I am… not,” you admit, feeling a little relieved that you finally said it, but you also feel like you let Harry down with it.

“How long?” Nat questions in shock.

“Since New Year’s Eve. So… almost four months.”

“So he is the one you’ve been seeing all this time? The guy you didn’t want to talk about?”

“Um, yeah. It’s not that I didn’t want to talk about him, we just agreed that it’s safer if no one knows.”

“I’m speechless, Y/N,” Eden shakes her head in disbelief. “I can’t fucking believe you kept it from us for this long!”

“I know, I felt so shitty, but it’s such a complicated situation, it’s so risky, we don’t want it to ruin us.”

“Obviously,” Nat nods understandingly. “And now I see why you snapped so harshly at Lydia.”

“I just couldn’t stand her talking like that. You guys have no idea how hard it is to keep every fucking thought to myself.”

“Why do I have a feeling it has a little more to it than to just Lydia drooling over Harry?” Nat arches an eyebrow at you, folding her arms over her chest.

“Yeah, you’ve been oddly tensed lately,” Eden agrees.

“It’s just pretty stressful to have a secret relationship, it causes a lot of tension. And I’ve been… I’m not sure anything is going to change after I graduate, if I’m being honest.”

“What do you mean?” Nat asks.

“I just…” you sigh, all your thoughts you kept to yourself flooding back to you at once, overwhelming you in a situation that’s already a bit too much to handle. “We keep saying that it’s gonna change when I graduate, but I don’t see it. He is so overprotective and even if I graduate, people will find out that I was once his student. And it might not be against the rules anymore, but we’ll be judged. I didn’t think it through before, but it’s now starting to be more and more clear for me and I just… don’t know if we can make it work.”

You feel the tears forming in your eyes, you’ve been keeping this to yourself for way too long now and saying it out loud just broke the dam. When Nat and Eden sees your lips trembling and the watery eyes you’re trying to blink away, they don’t hesitate to pull you into a tight hug.

“Aw, don’t cry! It makes me want to cry too!” Nat chuckles softly as they sandwich you between them.

“It just sucks so much, because I love him, but I feel like we met at the wrong time and place,” you sob, letting them crush you.

“It happens, baby. It happens. You’ll figure it out!” Eden kisses your forehead before they let go of you. “Want to go home?”

“It’s still early, don’t want to kill the party. I think I’ll just… head over to Harry’s for now. Is that okay?”

“Of course, do whatever makes you feel better,” Nat assures you, giving your hand a gentle squeeze.

“I’m sorry I was such a party pooper.”

You call yourself an Uber and text Harry that you are going over. Twenty minutes later you are walking up the stairs to his house and he opens the front door before you could even reach for the doorknob.

“Hey, baby,” he breathes out softly and you don’t say a word, just wrap your arms around his waist, burying your face into the crook of his neck. “Hey, what happened? Didn’t have a good time with your friends?” He delicately caresses your hair, walking the two of you inside so he can close the door before wrapping both his arms around you, holding you close to his chest.

“Don’t really want to talk about it,” you mumble and it’s the truth. You’re tired of these thoughts though you know you should talk to him about how you’ve been feeling about the two of you lately. Part of you is hoping something will just magically solve the whole situation and you won’t have to deal with it yourself.

Harry makes you a tea while you take a shower and once you are both in bed, you cuddle to his side while he reads some. You are just genuinely enjoying his closeness, because despite everything that’s been haunting you in connection with Harry, you really love this man. Like no one else before and the possibility of the two of you not making it long term scares you more than it probably should.

The next few weeks come and go in a sense of numbness. Following your emotional breakdown in front of the bar, you kind of push the whole thing to the back of your mind once again, putting all your focus on finishing school. Neither you nor Harry has the energy to put up more fights though you both can feel there’s a lot to talk about, but the end of the semester is just keeping you both way too busy to acknowledge the problems waiting on the corner.

At least there’s one less weight on your shoulders now that Nat and Eden know about you and Harry. You made them swear to their life they won’t tell anyone and you trust them to keep this heavy secret. They’ve been very supportive of the two of you, interrogated you one evening about everything that happened so far, they wanted to make sure Harry treats you the right way. No surprise, he does.

A few weeks before your state exam Harry extends his contract with the school to have him as a professor for another academic year so he is able to keep his visa as well.

You spend your last two weeks buried in your notes before your state exam and Harry gives you all the time and space you need, knowing well how much it means to you to earn the best grade possible.

When you are finally over your exam, you are celebrating at his place. He has bought a little cake and some champagne and you can’t wait to finally spend some time with him without having to worry about your studies.

“I’m proud of you, baby,” he smiles at you, clinking his glass against yours.

“Thank you, feels nice to be finally free,” you chuckle before taking a sip from the champagne.

“My smart girl, knew you’d kill all your exams.” He kisses your lips shortly before squeezing your hand. “How about I run a bath for us, we eat the cake in the tub and then we can watch a movie?”

“Sounds fantastic,” you smile at him before he disappears in the bathroom to get everything ready.

Finishing your champagne you wash the glass quickly and you’re about to cut the cake when your phone buzzes signaling that you’ve just gotten an email. As pull down the notification bar your lips part reading the first few lines. You open the whole thing and read through it eagerly.

It’s a job offer, but not just some lame one that also sounds sketchy at the same time. This one is from one of the biggest investigation offices in London and they are offering you a trainee position as a forensic document examiner with a possible secured spot on their team after one year. The money sounds amazing, the position is perfect, just what you’ve been dreaming of once you are done with school and they are looking forward to hear back from you about a possible interview in the near future.

“Alright, bath is coming together nicely, want to cut the ca—Wha’s up?” Harry questions upon returning from the bathroom, finding you staring at your phone’s screen with widened eyes.

“I, uhh—I just got a… a job offer,” you stutter, still rereading the lines, trying to find a sign that tells you it’s just a joke, but it seems completely genuine.

“What? Baby, that’s amazing!”

“Yeah,” you nod swallowing hard before you look up at him. “It’s in London.”

You watch his face fall from excited and happy to shocked and kind of panicky. You both know what that means, it doesn’t have to be said out loud. Harry just signed another year with the university that’s gonna tie him here for the next 12 months and if you accept the job you’ll be all the way across the world in the UK. Kind of ironic, him, the British guy stuck in the States while you, the American in the relationship, eager to go to the UK.

“That’s… wow. London.”

“Yeah, London,” you nod biting the inside of your cheeks.

“Are you… Are you gonna take it?”

“Well, they want an interview with me, but this is clearly a huge opportunity for me,” you say, not wanting to say the actual words. You feel like saying them would hit you harder than what you can take.

“It clearly is, it’s just that… You want to leave?” he breathes out, eyebrows knitting together.

“This is my only job offer and probably the best I’ll ever get.”

“So you do want to leave,” he forces and it’s pushing your limits.

“Career-wise, of course!” you finally say out loud, unwillingly.

“And what about everything else?”

“I clearly don’t want to leave everything else here, but I will never get a chance like this, Harry. This is the greatest push for someone like me, fresh out of school. I can have a secured spot in a year at a well-respected place. I’m not really in the position to reject offers like this.”

He exhales sharply, running a hand through his hair, clearly unsure about what to do or say in the situation on his hand. You can tell he has a lot to say, but you’re not sure you want to hear all of them.

“Say something?” you softly plead and his eyes meet yours again, filled with concern.

“I just… It took me by surprise, I guess.”

“I wasn’t expecting it either.”

“No, not the job offer,” he shakes his head.

“Then what?”

“That you are ready to leave so easily. It’s like you never even wanted to discuss a version where you stay here, you just decided that you are leaving and that’s it.”

“Did you hear me? I cannot pass on this opportunity, Harry.”

“I did hear you,” he nods, pressing his lips together. “I heard that you didn’t even think about saying no.”

“Why would I say no?”

“Because I’m here, Y/N!” he snaps. “Good to know that I’m not a factor when it comes to decisions as big as leaving the country!”

“You are, Harry, but I need to think about my future career now. I’m not planning to work at an office for the rest of my life and if I pass on this job I might never get anything as good as this one,” you explain, but it seems like the two of you are having two different conversations.

“But why do I feel like it was never an option for you to stay?”

You give him a confused look. He really doesn’t see your point.

“Okay, why was only I supposed to change plans for us? You coming to London doesn’t feel like an option either, why are you trying to turn this against me?”

“I just extended my contract, you know that.”

“I do, and also, while we are at it, you didn’t ask me about that either. You didn’t even wait for me to figure out what I want to do after school, you just assumed that I would be here, but I never said that.” You can tell it hit him hard in the chest but somehow still, he thinks he is right when he isn’t.

“How could have I known you’d want to move across the globe?” he throws his hands up into the air.

“You’re saying this as if I didn’t just get the email and I’ve been plotting this the whole fucking time!”

“I’m just saying that it’s a huge fucking step and you decided so easily, it says a lot about the nature of our relationship.”

“Why are you saying that?!” you snap at him. “Why are you trying to make me the bad guy?”

“I’m not! I’m just saying that it would have been nice if you at least pretended like it was up for debate. You know what it’ll do to us if you move to London.”

“Then come with me!”

“I can’t!” He raises his voice, clearly losing his temper. “I can’t break my contract and you know that too.”

“Well, I can’t afford to say no to the job either and if I’m being honest, I don’t think we could have made it work even if I stayed.” The words leave your mouth before you could think about them, and the cat is finally out of the bag. It seemingly shocked Harry and he is now staring at you with a blank expression, shoulders falling forward.

“What?” he breathes out and you can actually hear his heart breaking. You take a deep breath and rub your face with your palms, trying to collect your thoughts and not just blurt everything out.

“I’ve been thinking and… Even after I’m officially out of the school, people will know that I was your student if they see us together. And I know how important your reputation is for you so I would never put you through any of the shit we might get for us being together. People would judge, no matter what the situation is. I don’t… I just don’t think we can ever make it work here.”

He stays silent, just stares at you, taking in your words and once again, you wish you could read his mind. You almost start begging him to say something when he finally speaks up.

“So you think we don’t have a chance?”

“Not here… maybe not now. I feel like this has been the perfect example of wrong place, wrong time,” you quietly say, a pang of guilt in your tone, this is not how you planned on making this conversation. To be honest, you wished this never had to come, but you were out of luck.

Harry is awfully silent, it’s all over his face how broken he is and you feel the same. You have so much love for this man, yet fate decided you don’t get to share it with him the way you want.

Walking closer you cup his face in your palms, searching for his eyes until his green irises meet your gaze. You run your thumb across his cheekbones, the pads of your fingers gliding softly over the soft skin. His hands slowly find their way to your waist and he pulls you close to him as you kiss him tenderly, a silent confession about just how much you love him.

“I wanted this to work. I wanted this so badly,” he whispers against your lips, his fingers digging into your back as he keeps you tight in his hold.

“I know. Me too,” you smile at him bitterly.

The rest of the evening passes by silently. You take a bath together, finish the cake anyway though even the sweetness can’t help the pain you both feel. Then you lie in bed for hours, just touching and feeling each other, making the best out of the time you have left. It’s unsaid, but you both know your days together are coming to a close end. Kisses and touches turn into some passionate love making, both of you desperate to feel as close to each other as possible and then you fall asleep in each other’s arms.

If you’re being honest, it’s all a blur following that night. You fix up an interview with London a few days later and they are not shying out of telling you straightforward that they want you there, the job is yours. You have one last short conversation with Harry about you leaving, but it’s more like just a confirmation that yes, it is going to happen and that leaves you with only a few weeks left together before you are packing up to leave the country.

You spend every possible free minute together until graduation where you finally get your degree. Your whole family comes and they cheer on you proudly, Harry standing in the crowd a little farther in the back, but still with a proud smile, a hint of gloominess in his beautiful green eyes. A week later you officially move out of your shared apartment with the girls, it’s a sobbing goodbye since all three of you are leaving in different directions following your graduation. You spend your last two weeks before your departure at home, spending as much time with your family as possible since you won’t be able to see them too often once you leave. Though your mom is dying to take you to the airport to say her final goodbye, you decided to give that time to Harry. He said he would drive to your hometown, pick you up and take you to the airport and you already know it’s gonna turn you into an emotional mess.

Leaving everything behind is hard, but having to say goodbye to Harry is the worst. It’s been a whole emotional rollercoaster for the both of you to get to this point and neither of you are ready to say goodbye, but this is what needs to happen.

That morning, you hug your parents, sister and brother tightly after you load Harry’s car with your two huge suitcases that have your whole life packed in them. You asked your family not to ask any questions about Harry and luckily, they kept quiet the whole time he was there, just treating him as a friend. You couldn’t take having to explain to them who he really is and how you met him, that’s gonna be another conversation for the future when you don’t feel like you’re about to start crying the moment you open your mouth.

The ride to the airport is silent, Harry holds your hand, your glued together palms lying on your lap the whole time. You haven’t even left but you already miss him so much.

Arriving he helps you bring all your stuff inside and patiently waits until you check your baggage in, leaving you with just your carry-on. Standing near the security check, the final moment finally comes and as soon as you look into his eyes you start bawling your eyes out.

“Oh baby, come ‘ere,” he breathes out, pulling you into his arms.

“I’m so sorry, Harry. I told you we would make everything right, but I couldn’t,” you sob into his chest as he holds you tight. You feel like if he let go of you, you’d just turn into a puddle at his feet.

“It wasn’t your fault,” he soothes you, his fingers threading through your hair.

“But it feels like it was,” you choke out. Harry leans back and takes your puffy cheeks between his warm palms, looking deep into your eyes.

“It wasn’t. As you said, it was just a matter of wrong time and place. But I think we brought the best out of it.”

“So… you don’t regret it?” you softly ask, eyebrows knitted together in concern.

“Absolutely not,” he smiles at you kindly. “I loved every moment of it. And I love you.” You notice how he didn’t use past tense when he said he loves you and you can’t decide if it aches your heart more or fills you with joy. A little bit both of them.

“I love you too,” you whisper before pressing your lips against his, savoring them one last time before you leave everything behind.

“Maybe we’ll meet again,” he smiles sweetly when he pulls back, tugging your hair behind your ear with a gentle move.

“I really hope,” you chuckle through your tears. “Take care, Harry,” you tell him, pecking his lips just once more.

“You too, baby,” he smiles, his hands falling to his sides as he lets go of you.

Turning around you walk into security and as you go with the line towards the gates, you glance back one last time. Harry is standing in the exact same spot, eyes glued to you as he watches you disappear from his sight.

It feels like the meeting is never coming to its end. You exchange a look with Jasmine, who seems just as tired and done with this two hours long discussion as you are. She grabs her phone from the table and you watch her something type out before she eyes at your device, signaling that she just texted you.

Jas: I need alcohol after this day. Want to have a drink with me after work?

Y/N: YES PLEASE!!!!!!!

You see her smile at her screen before both of you return to your boss at the front, talking about a possible upcoming case.

“And last but not least, I want to take a moment to bring light to the excellent work Y/N, our new full-time colleague did on the Santiago case. The police were highly satisfied with the fast and precise work you did. This was your first official case since you’ve decided to accept our offer to become a full member of our team and transferred from your position as a trainee. Congrats!” William, your boss nods in your way with a proud smile as a round of applause cheers for you from your colleagues.

“You go girl!” Jasmine mouths you from across the table and you just chuckle shaking your head.

The meeting finally wraps up and everyone goes on with their day. You are walking back to your office with Jasmine by your side. Your offices are next to each other and you started working here just three weeks apart. She is the same age as you and was approached the same way as well, it’s just that she moved all the way from Australia. The two of you have grown quite close, starting a new life at the same time in a foreign country, it easily brought you together.

“So are we leaving early for those drinks or what?” she asks poking your side.

“How early?”

“I don’t know, like fifteen minutes? Come on, it’s Friday, everyone leaves early!” You shake your head chuckling at her. She can be so restless sometimes, but it’s just the right amount that she can push you out of the comfort zone just enough.

“Alright.”

“Cool, I’ll come banging on your door,” she winks at you before disappearing for her usual coffee break.

It’s two in the afternoon, you still have a few hours ahead of you and some caffeine sounds perfect actually. Though the coffee at the office is excellent, you’ve grown to like this small place nearby, a family owned business that offers the best you’ve ever had.

You grab your bag from your office and head out for a quick coffee run. The walk to the café is freshening, the weather has been treating you well lately, the Sun is beaming and you can only hope you won’t wake up to pouring rain the next morning.

You think back to how lost you were feeling just a year ago, when all of this around you were so new and a little too much at once. One month into your time in London you even thought about quitting and moving back home. You felt alone and broken, yearning after everything you left behind. Your friends, family, loved ones, everything that was so far away from you.

It took you long weeks, even months to get used to your new life and now you can’t even imagine yourself anywhere else. It doesn’t miss you don’t miss terribly the life you had still, but now you have a lot to be happy about here as well.

Waiting at a crossroad, you find yourself twirling around the strawberry ring on your finger, your thumb fidgeting with it like every time you think about your home. You glance down at it and take a deep breath before the lamp turns green and you continue your walk to the café.

It’s not rush hours so there are only a few people lingering around the small place. You don’t have to think about what you are getting, James, the barista already knows your usual and starts making it right away as you swipe your card paying your drink.

You stand at the side, waiting for your coffee, staring out the window, watching people pass by on this lovely afternoon. Your gaze stops on an old lady sitting on a nearby bench, feeding a group of pigeons and you smile as a little girl runs through the birds, making them fly away instantly. The old lady just smiles at the girl, not holding a grudge that she just scared the birds away.

Your eyes move away, watching businessmen come and go, kids going home from school, wearing their school uniforms, everything just feels so… peaceful.

You are almost about to turn away from the window when your gaze falls on a tall figure near the Sainsbury’s across the road and your lips part as you catch a glimpse of a tattooed arm you know all too well. You blink once, twice, three times, waiting for your eyes to make sure it’s the person you think it is.

Harry is standing right there, holding a little bag of groceries, eyes glued to the screen of his phone, oblivious to your shocked gaze on him. Your feet move before your brain could think it through, they take you out of the café and you stand in the middle of the sidewalk as you call out for him.

“Harry!”

His head snaps up at his name, eyes looking around, searching for the source before they finally find you, a shocked, but seemingly joyful expression plastering over his handsome face. He is quick to shove his phone into his pocket before he watches both ways and runs across the road to meet you on the other side. You can’t push your smile down as you watch him approach you, his tall, fit figure getting closer and closer until he is standing right in front of you, watching you in awe.

“Hey,” he breathes out, both of you a little unsure of what to do, how to greet each other.

It’s been months since you last talked. After your departure you kept in contact, you couldn’t just distance yourself from him so abruptly, but the thousands of miles between the two of you made it almost impossible to maintain a working connection, the time zones, all the work you both were buried under and just life itself made you drift away from each other.

But he is now standing in front of you and though he looks slightly different, he is still the Harry you know and love. He is your Harry.

“What… what are you doing here?” you ask, finally finding your voice.

“Did you forget I’m British?” you teases you and you roll your eyes.

“I mean, are you visiting family or something?”

“I uhh…” he glances down at his feet before his eyes meet yours again. “I’m actually back.”

“What do you mean?”

“My contract ended in July and I didn’t… I didn’t extend it. I came back a few weeks ago.”

Your lips part at the information. Harry is in London, he is now in the same city as you, for the first time in a whole year.

“Really? That’s… wow.” There’s too much you want to tell and ask him, yet you stand there, blinking at him, still lost in the feeling of seeing him for the first time again.

“I actually wanted to contact you when I got back, but I wasn’t… I wasn’t sure how you’d feel about that,” he admits with a nervous chuckle and your eyes soften over him.

“What do you mean? I would have loved it if you called.”

“It’s just that we haven’t talked in a while and I didn’t know… I didn’t know where you’re standing about me.”

“Well, seems like fate did it for you,” you smile at him warmly. “I would love to catch up. I have to head back to work now, but maybe later?”

“What about after work? When are you getting off?”

“I finish at 5.”

“I can meet you at your work if you text me the address.”

“That would be great,” you nod smiling. “My number is still the same, so you’ll know it’s me.”

“Great,” he nods, the corners of his mouth curling up in a boyish smirk. You are just now realizing how much you’ve missed him.

“I, um…” You’re trying to find the right words, still feeling overwhelmed about the sudden run-in, but at last you decide to go for a hug.

Your arms wrap around his waist, he hesitates for a moment before wrapping you in his tight embrace, pressing his cheek against the top of your head. A shiver runs down your spine as the sense of home washes over you all at once, the warmth of Harry’s body making your heart flutter. Unfortunately, the moment must come to an end. His arms fall from around you, just like they did at the airport when you said goodbye to each other over a year ago.

“I’ll… see you later then,” he smiles as you are backing towards the entrance of the café.

“Yeah, later,” you nod and turning around you walk inside.

Arriving back to the office you drop by Jasmine’s office to tell her that you have to postpone your plans after work.

“What is more important than getting drunk with me?” she gasps dramatically.

“I ran into… I met Harry,” you tell her. You told her all about Harry one evening when you were out, just a few months into your stay. It was one of those days when you were feeling extremely homesick, or maybe you just missed him terribly.

“What? Your professor ex?” she asks with widened eyes.

“Yeah.”

“Okay, you are forgiven. Go and get the man back!”

“What?” you chuckle. “We just met after a year, how do you know I want him back? Maybe I just want to catch up with him,” you say, but it’s an obvious and blatant lie and you both know that. Jasmine gives you a look.

“Please, you are still so obviously in love with the man, don’t even try to convince me otherwise.”

You don’t protest, just bite into your bottom lip. You really are in love with him, or the version you knew a year ago. He could be an entirely different person now so you can’t be sure if your feelings are the same about the man you met today.

“Have fun with him and then tell me all about it after, okay?” she beams and you just nod, leaving her to finish her work.

As time is slowly passing by you find yourself growing nervous about seeing Harry. That short little conversation on the street was not enough to calm your nerves. What is he like now? Is he the same? Does he have new hobbies? Is he as happy to see you as you are to see him? What will he think of you? What if he doesn’t like you after all this time?

You try to push the questions to the back of your mind, not wanting to overwhelm yourself too much to the point where you chicken out of seeing him. When you’re on your way down following his text that he is waiting for you in front of the building, you are trying to keep yourself together and remind yourself that it’s just Harry, he might be a little different, but he is still kind of the same.

Luckily, the moment you spot him waiting a few feet away from the entrance, you forget about everything else, he is the only one to exist. He envelopes you in a hug when you arrive, smiling at you warmly.

“Hi, ready to go?” he kindly asks and you nod.

You settle for a nearby bar you’ve actually been to with Jasmine before. Harry insists on paying for the first round of drinks as the two of you settle in a secluded booth at the back. When he is standing at the bar you catch yourself watching him in awe. The situation is quite odd, could have never happened probably back home, the two of you casually out for a drink.

“What’s gotten you so smiley?” he asks upon returning, sitting across you.

“I was just thinking how this is the first time we are out, just the two of us.”

Harry smiles softly, probably appreciating it just the same.

The next couple of hours you both try to share anything and everything that has happened in the past year. He tells you about his last year as a professor and him not extending his contact. Coming back to London he has joined a research group for a marketing company, using his excellent knowledge to analyze human behavior in connection with different type of ads.

“It’s a lot different from being a college professor ain’t it?” you tease him and he nods chuckling.

“Guess I wanted some change. But it’s been nice, I enjoy doing a lot of research and experiments.”

Then you tell him about your time as a forensic document examiner, all the different cases you worked on and how it has been, living in London on your own. He listens to your tales about everything you’ve done with Jasmine, the concerts and karaoke bars you’ve been to and just generally your life overseas.

“Sounds like you’ve found your place, then,” he says smiling softly.

“I guess. Wasn’t an easy transition, but I’m feeling good now,” you nod. “But that doesn’t mean I don’t miss my past,” you add.

His eyes wander down to your hands that are fidgeting with your almost empty glass. You see how they stop over the ring and he seems surprised as he reaches out, takes your hand in his and runs his thumb over the little strawberries.

“You’re still wearing the ring,” he states.

“Of course,” you smile and when he is about to let go of your hand, you grab it and hold it, needing to feel his touch.

You wanted to run back home so many times because you were missing him too badly, missed his voice, his eyes, his touch, everything and now, out of nowhere, he is here with you again, far away from the place where it all started and had to end for a while, still making you feel like home, no matter where you are.

At one point, you move to sit beside him in the booth. You just keep sharing and sharing even things you’ve talked about on the phone before. You’re just soaking each other in. His arm soon moves around your shoulders and you gladly lean into his side, placing a hand to his thigh, sparkles running through your body.

“I love this,” you hum to yourself upon finishing your last drink.

“Love what?”

“Being out with you without a worry. I always dreamt of this and it’s just… so natural. I wish we got to experience it before.”

“As you said, that was a wrong time and place. Wasn’t our fault.”

You lift your head, eyes meeting his curious green irises as he smiles down at you kindly. You’ve missed that smile, it still makes your heart skip a beat, just like at the beginning.

“And do you think it’s the right time and place now?” you prompt the question.

“It’s definitely… better,” he chuckles softly. “Unless you are seeing someone, because now would be the best time to tell me.”

“I’m not,” you shake your head smirking. “Tried to go on dates, but truth is… none of them were you. I gave up after a few terrible attempts.”

“I didn’t even try,” he shyly smiles. “I just… knew no one would make me as happy as you did. As you always do.”

Pushing yourself up a bit, you rest your forehead against his as he closes his eyes, his arm around your shoulder tightens and his other hand rests on your thigh, pulling you closer. Your palm slides up his chest and neck until you’re cupping his cheek. You place a soft lingering kiss to the corner of his mouth, testing the waters out, seeing how he reacts though nothing that happened tonight tells you he wants to keep his distance.

He moves his face, nose nudging against you before his lips find yours in a kiss you’ve been longing for since you left him behind at the airport over a year ago. Your fingers lace through his hair, pulling him towards you as if he could escape from your hold any moment, but he is definitely here to stay. Your lips clash again and again, savoring each other, eagerly trying to make up for the time you lost since your departure. You melt into his arms, moving your legs across his lap as he pulls you to his lap in the booth, partially hidden from the rest of the bar, wrapped up in your little bubble. He tastes like home, his kisses feel like the first warm rays of sunshine after a long and cold winter, the only thing you couldn’t really get yourself over this whole year. Because you’ve become good at pushing your feelings down to the point where you could easily carry on, but he was always in the corner of your mind, making you wonder if you’ll ever meet again and if you do, will it be the same as before?

It’s not, because it’s better. The burdens and banters that tied you both down a year ago are now long gone, you have all the time and space in the world, nothing is restricting you. You can touch him and kiss him whenever and wherever you want. There’s no more sneaking around, no one here knows who you are and who Harry used to me to you. Here, you’re just another lovesick couple, so into each other it’s almost insane.

When he pulls back his forehead stays rested against yours as you both are trying to catch your breath. His hand runs up and down your thigh, the warmth of his palm melting your body under his soft touch.

“I love you,” he breathes out, eyes meeting yours.

“You still do?” you ask with a small smile, heart beating in your throat.

“I never stopped loving you,” he admits and you let out a shaky breath, pulling him down for a short kiss.

“Not even when I was an ocean away from you?”

“No,” he chuckles shaking his head. “If that’s possible, I loved you even more when you were away. I realized how much you mean to me and I could only hope you weren’t moving on without me.”

“I could never,” you smile at him softly. “I love you too much to do that.”

“You have no idea how much I missed you say that,” he breathes out with a soft chuckle and you kiss his lips shortly, assuring him that you feel the same way. “So… are we going to try again?”

“Do you want to?”

“There’s nothing I want more, baby,” he truthfully admits, his gaze softening at you as he brushes a loose strand of hair behind your ear. “Do you want to?”

“Of course,” you smile at him widely. “I think it’s settled.”

Thank you for reading, please like and reblog if you enjoyed it!