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#first thing in the morning but i read yuns new post an
sophiethewitch1 · 2 months
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Sparring sessions with Damian would be the worst. He's constantly mocking you, trying to make you lose your edge. And he's quick too, dancing around any punches or kicks you throw. Even when it's obvious you won't win the spar, he still doesn't take you down. He'll let you keep going. Keep struggling till you're a sweaty and exhausted mess.
That's when he'll pounce. Pins you down to the sparring mats, his body straddling yours. You try to buck him off. He just thrusts his hips back down into yours. The bulge in his sweats pressing against you has the fight in you disappearing like smoke. You look up at him, confused, and he merely smirks back down at you.
"Not going to tap out?"
You do, hand tapping the training mat, even as you stare into his emerald green eyes. You don't think you could look away even if you tried.
"Hm, but I think I've earned my reward, don't you?"
It doesn't really matter what your answer is, does it? He likes it when you struggle, after all.
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malas-lang · 1 year
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Jinx?
(Long post ahead)
Disclaimer: There will be two guys so gawin kong two posts ‘to. If you ever read this, please help me to choose. HAHAHA
So I am talking to someone since January 1, 2023. Pero kilala ko sya since 2017. Friend sya ng friend ko. Honestly, he looks attractive to me. Alam nyo yun, typical boy with good hair and braces? 5’8 ang height, moreno and chinito. But now, medyo nagbago like no braces, nag mature mukha and built ng katawan nya. But he still looks fine as hell. The only thing here is, I’m 3 years older than him, he’s in highschool that time nung nakita ko sya sa fb at ako college na ++ang ganda ng gf nya. So me, as a dugyot person di na ako umasa. Pero as long as friend kami sa fb, goods na sakin yun.
So this year 2023, I’m single at ano pa ba ginagawa ng single ladies? Edi hanap ng bebe. Nag story yung friend ko, and nakita ko ‘to si guy. Sinearch ko sya sa fb knowing na friends pa kami, pero nagtaka ako kasi hindi na kami friends at di ko na din mahanap, in short wala na syang fb. I messaged my guy friend and ask him ano height ni *toot* and he immediately replied, gusto mo ba sya bes? ora mismo ibibigay ko sayo. I’m shocked but excited that time. I started to ask baka may gf, o baka may sabit. Dun ko nalaman na wala na nga syang fb, at wala ding gf. PERO, remembering na sobrang ganda ng ex nya made me think na wag na di naman ako papatulan nito. I refuse on following him sa instagam.
Tomorrow morning, I saw na nag request sya ng follow sa akin sa instagram. At ako? Sino ba naman ako para hindi sya iaccept at i-follow back? Hello?? Ang dugyot ko tignan, at kuko lang ako ng mga naka follow sakanya sa IG. To make the long story short, minessage nya ako, “Pagalawin ko na ba ang baso” napangiti ako and honestly, kinilig ako. Pero “luh, tang ina” ang unang lumabas sa bibig ko. We talked, and sabi nya punta daw sya sa amin. Di ako pumayag cause it’s new year. Hanggang sa nag agree kami na next time nalang pag wala na kaming lakad na family.
Napaka dami naming napag usapan, he’s kind of a person na sobrang adventurous. He started calling me “be” sobrang good sa ears ko. Sobrang sarap pakinggan kapag galing sakanya. Ang dami naming plano, at natuwa sya dahil game na game ako. Dami naming gusto puntahan. 2 days palang kami nag uusap nun pero parang sure na sure na kami sa isa’t-isa. January 3 ng madaling araw pumunta sya samin. That was the first time na makausap ko sya personally. I mean nakikita ko sya sa malayuan pero yung makausap sya at ako na yung pakay nyang puntahan hits different. Surreal sa pakiramdam. 2am sya pumunta nun, btw he’s a car guy. He has a car so very random kung bigla sya magyayaya mag ft or pumunta sa bahay. We enjoyed talking that time na kala mo we’ve been talking for 10 years na. Haha! Ang OA pero that’s what I felt that night. Hanggang sa di ko namalayan, pumayag ako na mag kiss kami. Ni hindi pumasok sa isip ko na baka fuckboy ‘to. Paano ba naman unang kita palang namin naka hingi agad ng smack sa lips. January 3 morning, nag tagaytay agad kami at pinakilala ko sya sa parents ko. Kasi syempre, sasama ako sa guy na di naman kilala ng parents ko.
Simula January 3, napunta sya sa amin. Hinahatid at sundo nya ako sa mga pupuntahan ko. Lagi kami kumakain kapag madaling araw. Iinom sa bahay pag weekends. Three weeks, ganun ang set up namin. Sobrang saya ko nun, as in hindi ko naramdaman yung ganung vibes sa ibang nakausap o naging ex ko. Kaya naming tumawa simula ng pagkakita namin hanggang sa makauwi sya. Yung trip nya, trip ko din. Same kami ng humor, which is sobrang goods para sa akin. Sa isip ko, kahit na student pa ‘to papalagan ko ‘to. Ayaw ko na mawala ‘to e, kaso hindi naman tumitigil utak ko kakaisip. He’s not the typical guy pala, appearance wise? Oo. Pero attitude? Hindi. Sobrang matured na mag-isip, like pag nagalit ka tang ina bahala ka mag inarte. Nag totoyo ka? Iba-block kita. Ganun sya as a partner pala at naging honest sya dun. Hindi sya pala chat pero tumatawag pag nag a-update. Hanggang sa nagbago sya. Napansin ko lahat ng sinasabi nya parang paandar lang pala. Lately, palagi nya ako pinapaasa sa mga sinasabi nya. He likes me daw pero hindi nya ako pinu-pursue. Hanggang sa nag lie low sya. As in biglaan. Sobra akong nalungkot nun. Pero bilang hindi naman nya ako gf, bakit ako mag rereklamo? Kinausap ko bestfriend ko nun, at isang kaibigang lalaki. Need ko opinion nila e, parehas sila ng sinabi. Since hindi naman kami, talo ako pag nag commit o focus ako sakanya. Kumausap daw ako ng iba. At ayun yung ginawa ko.
(Yung second guy, sa second post ko)
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withlovelica · 1 year
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Happy Birthday, Andre!
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My husband turned 35 today! We getting old!
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We just woke up in this photo.
This was the first time Andre and I woke up late! by late I meant 7 am for me and 8 am for him. On regular days, including the weekend, we would get up at 5-6 am to feed the indoor cats, clean the poop, feed the outdoor cats and do my morning run! It has been that way for nearly three years and we do not have kids. I cannot imagine life with additional mini us but if it were to happen I would gladly embrace it with open arms.
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Souvenir from last night's wedding - a half-eaten chocolate! haha I could not resist to taste it. :) I was munching on it before going to bed.
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I took a photo of Andre after he just roused himself from sleep. I was convincing him that we should buy a king bed! The space is game-changing. Although he claims that I squeeze myself on his side of the space which is why I think our current bed is too small. That might be true. 😅 I just love spooning him hihi, maybe a little too much.
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The room was luxuriously huge! I can stay here for two more nights which of course was not possible. I love staying in hotels and bask the services that come with it. I am obviously tired of my chores! haha but nonetheless...it is still a privilege to do all these things for family.
But to be honest, a helper would be nice hahaha.
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We had the view of the pool from our room window! Huge space no? I can only imagine people watching us from their rooms as we did the wedding photoshoots. 🥴 May patakbo takbo pa yun eh haha.
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Breakfast at the Olive restaurant. Andre had a normal breakfast while I on the other hand…well,
Smoked salmon, congee and bread pudding.
He was reading my birthday letter in the other photo.
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After breakfast, we snuggled in bed to watch a new cooking reality tv show called Pressure Cooker. We are taking a liking on cooking shows lately! It all started with the very cringey Hell’s Kitchen 😅.
Then it was time to go home…
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I won a raffle last night! The prize was an electric kettle! ☺️
Photos to be continued in the next post.
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Caught Recommendations
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Author’s Note: I’m trying to keep track of the amazing BTS-themed series and fics that I’m reading on Tumblr, so I decided to create this post with some short reviews (so I can have them all in one place). These writers are amazing and they keep me coming back for more. They are all smutty as hell and full of amazing characters and conflicts.  This is by no means a comprehensive list, and I will be adding them as more catch my eye. Check them out if you get a chance!
Mafia AUs
The Birdcage  & the sequel The Lion’s Den by @untaemedqueen
Genre: Angst, Smut, Fluff, Mafia AU; Jimin x Reader
What You Need to Know: Jimin-heavy series (and sequel) that dives into Seoul and Busan mafia underground, violence, guns, knives, bombs, pregnancies, and OH so much drama - the writer creates some fascinating characters that we root for and fall in love with over and over again.   
Thou Shall Not Steal by @xherxx
Genre: Angst, Smut, Fluff, Mafia AU, OT7
What You Need to Know:  The richest mafia lord in the industry throws a huge yet twisted deal before he retires and every gang out there wants to get their hands on his riches. - The drama is real in this one and there is plenty of hot, steamy scenes that will make you tingle. 
Don’t Care If It Hurts by @hollyhomburg
Genre: Angst, Smut, Fluff, Mafia AU, Jimin x Reader
What You Need to Know: After a rival gang makes an attempt on your life, Your older brother, the infamous leader of Seoul’s largest gang; Kim Namjoon, gets you a guard hybrid; Park Jimin, The reigning champion of Seoul’s underground hybrid fighting ring. - Yeah, this is also a hybrid series, but the mafia background is much more prominent. The OC is also smart as a whip and Namjoon as the angry leader and older brother is something to behold. The other members feature as well skilled companions and are very good at their jobs.
Omertà by @lamourche
Genre: Angst, Smut, Fluff, Mafia AU, Namjoon x Reader
What You Need to Know: A story about an unlikely mob boss and his mafia princess wife. This is a love story set in a brutal world. - Namjoon and his crew are tight knit and set to take over the mafia underground. In a true Romeo and Juliet twist, you are from an opposing family and are desperate to get away from their oppressive clutches. As an added bonus, you and Namjoon fall in love and build up his empire together. 
Blackjack by @kpopfanfictrash
Genre: Angst, Smut, Fluff, Mafia AU, Jungkook x Reader
What You Need to Know: Bangtan is one of the most vicious mafias on the west coast. Only six members are known by name though, with a mysterious seventh member dubbed only as 'the shadow.' When you become indebted to the worst of the worst - how, exactly can you find a way out? - Jungkook is such a gem in this fic and the action is amped up to 11 throughout the series. 
College/Business AUs
Thesis-It (and the sequel) Prove It by @xherxx
Genre: Angst, Smut, Fluff, College/Career AU, OT7
What You Need to Know:  “When life gives you lemons, make cocktails! It doesn’t solve any problems, but then again neither do lemonades. Besides, it has the word cock in it, just like what the Bangtan boys have on them. So, why don’t you just suit yourself?” - This series was a ROLLERCOASTER of emotion, even when it hurts, you keep going back for more. The sequel takes place AFTER college, but the characters still act like college idiots. LOVE THEM!
Fear & Dumplings by @softyoongiionly
Genre: Angst, Smut, Fluff, College AU, Yoongi x reader
What You Need to Know: You’re in your final semester at University when your Abnormal Psychology professor assigns you a partnered project surrounding your greatest fears. Lucky for you, your partner just so happens to be a cute boy named Min Yoongi. - The build up to this relationship is just wonderful and you will be completely enamored by Yoongi in this fic. He’s such a soft precious bean and I want to ruin him. 
The Gentlemen by @honeymoonjin
Genre: Angst, Smut, Fluff, Reality Show AU, OT7
What You Need to Know:  Sick of unsatisfying hookups, boring relationships or the company of your own hand? Apply today for the chance to be on bangasm.com’s very first reality show! Seven attractive young gentlemen will be vying for your choice of who is best in bed. All from different backgrounds, these men claim they’ll be able to rock your world, so don’t hesitate! Apply now! - BEST REALITY SHOW EVER! The characters are vivid and entertaining and the smut scenes are on point. I dare you not to fall in love with every single one of these eligible bachelors. 
Tease by @adonis-koo
Genre: Angst, Smut, Fluff, Stripper AU, Jungkook x reader
What You Need to Know:  You came with the intentions of your best friend landing a job as a stripper. You never meant to catch the eyes of the king stripper of the establishment- Jeon Jungkook, yourself. With what was supposed to be a harmless way of paying off college debt faster you find yourself falling into a very odd and passionate relationship with your new mentor. Between infidelity, passion and jealousy there’s never a dull moment at Cherry Bomb. - Jungkook starts off arrogant and difficult, but as the relationship progresses, he starts embracing his softness for his new trainee. There is also some hot Big-Little action going on here. 
No Strings by @kpopfanfictrash
Genre: Angst, Smut, Fluff, College AU, Jimin x reader
What You Need to Know:  You voice your concern that you are bad in bed and Jimin offers to test that theory. What ensues is an angsty friends with benefits situation that threatens to tear your friend group apart. You may want to smack Jimin around a bit, but I promise you will not be disappointed in the end. 
The Holi-Date by @kpopfanfictrash
Genre: Angst, Smut, Fluff, Career AU, Taehyung x reader
What You Need to Know:  When your ex-boyfriend becomes engaged to his new girlfriend at your annual Holiday party, you admittedly are not in the best place. Which explains why you down six shots of alcohol, enthusiastically drop it low on the dance floor and - oh, yeah - tell everyone you are also dating someone. The only problem? You are obviously not. Good thing your neighbor happens to be cute and in need of a ride to work every morning. - I absolutely LOVE Taehyung in this fic; he’s playful, sweet, passionate, and funny. 
Hybrid AUs
The Mark of Yun-Ki by @ladyartemesia
Genre: Angst, Smut, Fluff; Historical Hybrid AU; Yoongi x Reader
What You Need to Know: This story was wonderfully crafted and if a Tiger-hybrid Yoongi full of ferocity and passion and admiration doesn’t do it for you, I don’t know what will. 
Reasons Wretched & Divine by @hollyhomburg
Genre: Angst, Smut, Fluff; Hybrid AU; Namjoon x Reader x Jimin x Yoongi
What You Need to Know: You live on an isolated but sprawling farm with your abusive husband, but things start to change for the better when your husband adopts a retired police dog hybrid named Namjoon. - There are definitely some trigger warnings you should read at the top, but the series is full of mental and physical healing that endears the characters to the reader. The other members are also present as side characters and are hella sweet. 
Abundance by @angelicyoongie
Genre: Angst, Smut, Fluff; Hybrid AU; OT7
What You Need to Know:  You never expected that you would end up adopting a hybrid, and if someone had told you that you would end up with seven? Well, you would have thought they were crazy. But here you are, with three different packs of hybrids that don’t get along – but all want to stay with you. Yeah, turns out crazy is an understatement. - This is a sweet complicated hybrid situation where three different groups have to find a way to live together. It takes some time, but they all eventual pull together as a family. 
Jackrabbit by @jamaisjoons
Genre: Pure Smut; Hybrid AU; Jungkook x reader
What You Need to Know: On a university-wide Easter egg hunt, Jungkook decides to educate you on just how wrong you are about him. - this one shot will have your thighs rubbing together vigorously wishing that you could get a few minutes alone with this domineering bun (just don’t call him that unless you want to get punished).
Strawberry Cream & BBQ by @thatmultifandomhoe
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Smut; Hybrid AU; Hoseok x reader
What You Need to Know: Your best friend knows she can count on you for anything, so when she asks you to watch her hybrid while she’s gone for a study abroad trip for four months, you can’t say no. But when these four months are over, things have changed in a way no one expected. - The relationship between Hoseok and the OC is so sweet and the drama that erupts after they get together pulls on the heartstrings. 
Sci-Fi AUs
Void by @btssavedmylifeblr
Genre: Angst, Smut, Fluff, Space AU, OT7
What You Need to Know:  You are the only female crew member on a 12 year space mission with seven handsome men. - The sexual tension is real, y’all. The OC is sassy and hilarious, the other crew members provide colorful commentary and conflicts that keep the reading salivating for more. 
The Turing Test by @fortunexkookie
Genre: Angst, Smut, Fluff, Android AU, Jungkook x reader
What You Need to Know: You are an engineer who created an advanced form of Artificial Intelligence named Jungkook, but with every technological advance, there are always some bugs to work out (and not all of them deal with the creator or the creation). 
Parenting AUs
Gingerbread Man by @btsracket
Genre: Angst, Smut, Fluff; Jungkook x Reader
What You Need to Know: Jungkook (a recent widower) is a fantastic baker who owns his own shop. The reader bounces in to place an emergency order and fate takes over from there. Jungkook’s son, Jude, is absolutely adorable and all of the angst and drama derived from moving on from an unexpected spousal death makes for one incredible recipe for success. 
The Stand-In by @yoonia
Genre: Angst, Smut, Fluff; Namjoon x Reader
What You Need to Know:  Gaining the courage to leave a loveless marriage was hard enough, but is it really a good idea to run to your best friend for help? And would you refuse him when he offers you another kind of ‘help’? - The themes revolving around infertility and then a sudden pregnancy catapult these characters into a wonderful relationship full of love and possibilities. Plus, Daddy Joon is always a yes on my list. 
Intro: Her by @jamaisjoons
Genre: Angst, Smut, Fluff; Namjoon x Reader
What You Need to Know: You enter Namjoon’s life in the most unexpected of ways, but will you be able to stay, especially when he comes with three adorable but chaotic children, even more chaotic best friends and a bitch of an ex-wife? not to mention your own emotional baggage. - Namjoon is raising his three boys Jimin, Taehyung, and Jungkook as you enter his life as a marine biologist. The kids are sweet and sassy, Namjoon is a total mess, but a sweetheart. I never wanted to be a mother to children more than these tots, and the bonus would be snuggling into Daddy Joon’s arms. 
Idol AUs
Let Me Hold Them by @jjungkookislife
Genre: Angst, Smut, Fluff; OT7
What You Need to Know: An OT7 series that includes mxm, threesomes, open relationships, polyamory, and angst.  Please read at your own discretion & the warnings on each chapter. - It starts off small, and then it escalates quickly. I promise, you will not be disappointed. Read on!
Slight Changes by @jiminimoon
Genre: Angst, Smut, Fluff; Taehyung x reader; Jimin x reader
What You Need to Know: Your relationship with Taehyung takes a nose dive when his infidelity is exposed. Luckily, the other members (especially Jimin) step in to make sure you don’t suffer alone. Prepare for angsty chapters and a lot of soul searching in this fic. 
The Studio Sessions by @getitinbusan
Genre: Angst, Smut, Fluff; Yoongi x reader; OT7 x reader
What You Need to Know: It’s Min Yoongi’s birthday and you’re ready to give him whatever he wants. When he makes a sarcastic wish while blowing out the candles he didn’t think you’d take it seriously. But he’s glad you did. When word spreads about these special “Studio Sessions” everyone wants to collaborate. - You start with one and work your way through the rest without blinking an eye. It’s a smutty paradise. 
Love Well Done by @oraclemarie
Genre: Angst, Smut, Fluff; Yoongi x reader
What You Need to Know: You are the executive chef of your very own fine dining restaurant. A big company makes you the offer of a lifetime, setting you on a path straight to Min Yoongi-your drunken hook up. - once these two start admitting their love for one another, it ups the drama; people can let jealousy turn them into monsters. 
Soulmate AUs
A Thousand Springs by @whitesparrows97
Genre: Angst, Smut, Fluff, OT7
What You Need to Know: Life is short. Eternity is long. Why you in particular are approached by a super attractive man in a club, you did not understand. You understood even less why he wanted to kill you. Fortunately, seven young, also incredibly handsome men show up to help you with this little problem. Purely by coincidence, of course. Or do you really believe in fate? - This fic is action packed with crazy conflicts, special powers, and spicy smut scenes. 
The Immortals by @bang-tan-bitches
Genre: Angst, Smut, Fluff, OT7
What You Need to Know: Sometimes, you find your destiny. And sometimes, your destiny does whatever it takes to keep you. - There are some amazing things happening in this fic and I just want to crawl onto that giant bed with all of them and their mysterious golden powers.
Fantasy AUs
Blood Moon Rising by @yoonia
Genre: Angst, Smut, Fluff; Vampire/Werewolf AU; Jimin x Reader
What You Need to Know: As beings from ancient times, the Vampire Clan has undergone numerous changes to thrive in the Modern Age after surviving the Ancient Blood War. As a part of the traveller family in his clan, Jimin has parted ways from the coven until the day his Lords warned him of the lurking danger from inside the clan. And all so suddenly, he was pulled out of his solitary, only to have given the responsibility he had never wished to have, along with the threats that come as a part of the deal. 
Born as youngest yet having lost so much, you have given your family your loyalty, your protection, and had been given their love and support that had become the only thing that keeps you going. But what happens when the only people you have put your trust in only repay you with betrayal?
This series expands beyond this world and into a whole universe of shifter characters. This storyline also includes characters from her other Shifter Series. The storylines are rich and beautifully crafted, and you will love the way the characters stick together on this magnificent adventure.
Of Fire and Love by @hollyhomburg
Genre: Angst, Smut, Fluff; Dragon-Hybrid AU; Yoongi x Reader
What You Need to Know:  When Dragon Yoongi finds baby Jungkook in the wreckage of a house he burned down, he can’t bring himself to kill the child. Months after someone drops off a baby at your door, you start to notice something- or someone, lurking at the edge of the woods. - This fantasy world just keeps growing in each chapter and you also get to enjoy a baby Jungkook and a baby dragon Hobi. Beware of fairy Jimin - they’re a sneaky one. 
Faerie Realm by @ddaengyoonmin
Genre: Angst, Smut, Fluff; Fairy Video Game AU; Jungkook x Reader
What You Need to Know: Your mother gifts you a video game set that allows you to fully enter the brand new virtual world of Faerie Realm on the first day of its launch. You lack any of the skills or knowledge of playing video games, but you end up having fun thanks to skilled player you meet named Kookie! You are lucky to have met him, because this deadly game is not what it seems.- Based on Sword Art Online, but I think it’s better. The other members become a part of the group and drama ensues. 
Sweeter than Sweet by @gimmesumsuga
Genre: Angst, Smut, Fluff; Vampire AU; Jimin x reader; OT7, eventually
What You Need to Know: You never would have expected someone like Park Jimin to notice you. As handsome and beguiling as he is deadly, you’re enthralled from the very moment you meet. Addicted to his kiss and his bite, Jimin opens up your eyes to a whole new world of love, lust and seduction. - this is a LONG series, but it is TOTALLY WORTH IT. Once you dive into the story, there is no resurfacing until you finish. 
A Court of Curses & A Court of Moonlight by @readyplayerhobi
Genre: Angst, Smut, Fluff; Vampire/Witch/Werewolf AU; Hoseok x reader; Yoongi x reader
What You Need to Know: (ACOC) For millennia, the vampires and witches have hated one another and war has raged between the two. When tensions flare up once more and spill into neutral land, peace is forced upon the two by the faeries. The price of peace sees the Witch Queen married to the Vampire Prince. One hundred years later, how have things changed? (ACOM)  As Prince Hoseok’s personal attendant, you travel with him on a diplomatic visit to Lunatis, home of the werewolves. There, you meet the enigmatic and intriguing werewolf prince, Min Yoongi, and discover more than you expected as a mere attendant. - this world is so full of magical wonder and I am so invested in seeing how everything comes together. It also makes me soft when I see how loving Prince Hoseok is toward his family. 
Caught-in-a-seesaw-stigma’s MASTERLIST
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peachymarkeu · 3 years
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𝓟𝓪𝓲𝓻𝓲𝓷𝓰: NCT 127 x OC
𝓖𝓮𝓷𝓻𝓮: Fluff, Angst & Suggestive
𝓢𝓾𝓶𝓶𝓪𝓻𝔂: What is it like being an 18 year old girl that had just moved into her new apartment and then suddenly meeting the people she would consider to be her brothers while being away from her parents?
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𝓒𝓱𝓪𝓹𝓽𝓮𝓻 7: 𝓞𝓹𝓹𝓪 𝓜𝓲𝓪𝓷
Kkring... Kkring… Kring…
I woke up from the sound of my phone alarm. I stretched my arms, feeling this aching feeling on my back and neck. 7:30 am was displayed on my screen which meant that I woke up right on time. 
‘Why was I sleeping on my study table?’ I thought. Then, remembering the events that happened last night. 
I stayed up until 2 in the morning trying to finish the report I needed to submit to Mr. Park. It was one long ass night. The report needed to be a thousand words long and needed lots of reading. I checked the checklist which was written on a post it note stuck on my table. There, I saw that I was able to finish my report but that was the only thing that I accomplished. 3 more assignments were left blank. I looked right in front of me and saw a half written essay for my other class.
I got up my desk chair and stretched my arms and limbs. There were a few bone cracks here and there which somehow relieved the aching feeling in my back and neck. I then went inside the bathroom and got myself ready for school. I brushed my teeth and washed my face to freshen up. The mood this morning was weirdly very nice today so I decided to connect my phone to my bluetooth speaker and play some music.
Now playing My First and Last by NCT Dream
Since I wasn’t rushing today and I was in a very great mood, I decided to fix myself up really nice. I took out my curling wand from one of my bathroom drawers and plugged it in and waited for it to heat up. While waiting, I belted out Renjun’s famous line and danced their cute penguin dance. 
“Let’s talk about love, Let me talk about love, yeah I’m talkin ‘bout you, yeah I’m talkin ‘bout you” I rapped while holding the bottle of perfume I got from my bathroom sink.
When the curling iron beeped I stopped dancing and proceeded to curl my hair piece by piece. It didn’t take me a very long time to finish since my hair isn’t that long. After curling my hair I started head banging to “Volcano by NCT U” to loosen up my curls and make it look more natural. Then, I put on the tiniest amount of makeup just for fun. Once I was done, I looked at myself in the mirror to check whether or not there are some things I need to touch up. While doing so, I started to make funny faces and poses in front of the mirror.
‘Huh, I could be a supermodel’ I giggled at the thought.
In the corner of my eye, I saw my phone light up because of a notification. I checked it and saw that Sungho was the one that sent me the text.
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Sung-Sung
Yuna-yah~ time to get up. Don’t want to be late again.
Yun-Yun 
Yah, that was the very first time.
Sung-Sung 
Arraseo, hey you moved right? You’re closer to my house now.
Wanna walk to school together?
Yun-Yun
After you teased me about being late? 
Nope.
Sung-Sung
Yah I was just kidding...( ̄人 ̄) 
Yun-Yun
Mmmkay
Sung-Sung
Where should we meet? 
Yun-Yun
Do you pass by SG27?
Sung-Sung
Yeah, yeah! You want to meet there?
Yun-Yun
Oki oki, then you buy me snacks ♡^▽^♡
Sung-Sung
Yah who said I’ll buy you snacks ఠ ͟ಠ
Yun-Yun
Jebal Sungho-yah ༼☯﹏☯༽
Sung-Sung
Arraseo arraseo
Yun-Yun
Yehey!! Gomawo Sungho-yah
I’ll see you there!
Sung-Sung
See you!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I put my phone down and went to my closet and changed into my school uniform. We had to wear our winter uniforms that were composed of a polo, skirt and a fluffy vest that had the crest of our school at the upper right part of my chest. I put on some very thick white socks because winter in Korea is super duper cold and wore my FILA disruptors with it. After that, I went back to my study table to fix all of my things and get my school bag. I then went out of my bedroom and to the front door to get my keys, heat pack and my bubble coat from my coat hanger. I went outside, closed the door and did not forget to lock it properly.
When I turned around I saw Jaehyun Oppa go outside of their unit.
“Annyeong Oppa!” I said to him and He looked at me.
“Annyeong Yuna! Going to school already?” he asked me in which I replied with a hum.
“Come on, let’s go down together.” he said to me and smiled, then I remembered.
“Um… Oppa, is it alright? I mean people wouldn’t want to see you going outside your apartment complex with a girl. I mean, you never know where dispatch will be as well as some sasaengs.” I explained to him whispering the very last word.
He chuckled at what I said and I looked at him confused. He then raised his right hand and placed it on the crown of my head and started to ruffle my hair. 
“Aigoo, don’t worry, I’ll only be going down with you till the first floor because I need to get something from the front desk. I won’t actually be going out of the building. Plus if you didn’t know, SM actually increased the security of this apartment complex as per our request.” He told me and winked at the end.
We proceeded to walk through the hall side by side. It was quiet but not awkward. We reached the front of the elevator and Jaehyun Oppa pressed the button and we waited for the elevator to go up. While waiting I felt my phone vibrate, so checked it and saw a notification coming from Sungho.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sung-Sung
Yah, where the hell are you??
Yun-Yun
I’m still at my apartment complex
Sung-Sung
Huh?! I’m already here, what’s taking you so long??
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
‘Wow, he’s early’ I thought as I checked the top right part of my screen to check the time.  
‘Huh it's only 8:15, it’s not super late’ I thought to myself again until I felt a slight nudge on my left arm.
“Yuna, the elevator’s here” Jaehyun Oppa said as I looked at him slightly embarrassed that I wasn’t paying much attention.
I went inside first then he came inside right after me. I was the one to press the ground floor this time. Once the elevator doors closed, I felt another vibration coming from my phone and saw that it was from Sungho.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sung-Sung
Yah what time are you gonna get here??
I’m about to freeze (* ̄m ̄)
Yun-Yun
Hold your damn horses Sungho
And who told you to come so early??
Sung-Sung
Just get here already (一-一)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Boyfriend problems?” I felt Jaehyun Oppa whisper in my ear which made me activate my defensive mode and hit him in his chest area.
“Ouch, sorry to meddle” he said to me, wincing in pain and rubbing the part where I hit him with his right hand.
“Oppa! Mian mian mian mian-” i kept apologizing until we reached the ground floor.
When the doors of the elevator opened, Jaehyun Oppa went out first and I followed him. I felt super bad for hitting him and worried that I might have hit him too hard.
“Oppa, I’m really sorry. I just got really defensive and that’s what I usually do and then-” I kept on rambling until I felt his eyes on me.
“Yah, don’t worry I was just over acting” he said while chuckling at my worried expression. I frowned at him and started to punch him lightly on his arm.
“Ow, ow ,ow , ok you can stop now” he said while laughing.
I was still trying to recover from hitting him so much when I saw him looking at me straight in the eye. I was still out of breath and him looking at me made my chest feel even more tighter.
“You better get going, I bet your boyfriend is waiting for you” he told me which made me remember that I was meeting up with Sungho.
‘Ah right… Shit Sungho’s gonna be so mad. But wait, did he just say boyfriend’  I was so into my thought that I didn’t notice that Jaehyun Oppa was already walking away. 
“Oppa! He isn’t my boyfriend!” I shouted to him which made him look back at me.
“It sure looks like he’s one” he shouted back and smirked right after.
My mouth was left agape until I got back to my senses and rushed out of the building. I ran and ran praying that Sungho wouldn’t be so mad at me once I got there. I was at my final turn then I saw the store. My feet moved as quickly as they could. Then, there was a bump on the road that I didn’t notice which made me trip. I was so ready to fall down until I felt arms wrap around me.
“Yah, what the hell are you doing?! You should be more careful” I heard Sungho scold me.
I looked up and saw that he was the one who caught me before I fell. It was kind of awkward so I pushed myself off of him and fixed my uniform. He was fixing his uniform as well when he spoke again.
“Next time be more careful, okay?” he said to me in a very serious tone.
“Nae, mian Sungho-yah” I apologized and looked at the floor because of the embarrassment.
“Aigoo, is my little Yuna down” he put his arm around my shoulder and gave my a noogie which made me push him.
“Yah you still need to buy me food.” I told him with my eyebrows knitted.
“Eh?! You made me sit here in the cold for 15 minutes and I’m still the one who’s going to pay for our food??” he said in a super dramatic way that made me giggle.
“Arraseo, arraseo, I’ll pay for it. Thanks for waiting for me.” I told him which made him jump for joy and scream “Yes!” so loudly.
We went inside and looked for snacks to eat while walking to school. I went to the chips aisle and got some potato chips and to the fridge where I got my favourite banana milk. Once, I got what I wanted, I went to the cash register and put my things on the table and waited for Sungho. My jaw dropped when I saw Sungho holding about 5 things in his arms.
“Yah?! Are you trying to make me broke?” I told him in an irritated way.
“Gomawo Yuna-yah” Sungho smiled cheekily. I rolled my eyes and told the guy at the cash register that those were all our items.
While waiting for the guy to finish, I told Sungho what happened this morning in which he listened attentively. I was about to tell him about what happened to Jaehyun Oppa and I but remembered that I couldn’t, so I revised and told him that he was only a friend. 
“Ah! This morning I was at the elevator then-”  I was about to tell him about what happened to Jaehyun Oppa and I, but remembered that I couldn’t, so I revised.
“-this guy. Yeah, there was this guy who noticed that I was texting you. Then he asked me if I had boyfriend problems. Then he kept on pushing that you were my boyfriend, since you were the one I was talking to. So in my head I was like ‘huh? Sungho, my boyfriend?? Are you sure about that?’.” I ended. I was laughing so hard while telling him the story my  stomach started to hurt.
“Sheesh that would be so~ weird. Me and you?? Huh, not a chance.” he said and chuckled.
“Um.. Miss? Cash or credit.” the guy at the cash register asked while looking at me in a very judgemental way. 
“Ah, mian” I apologized and gave him my card.
The guy processed my payment and gave us the plastic bags which were filled with our snacks. We went out of the store and started to walk to school. While walking Sungho and I would spark up some conversation or tell each other funny jokes. The mood felt so light until we were faced with the reality of having to enter school. To be honest, classes went by so fast which was great. Mr. Park also did not give me a hard time this time which is so relieving. 
It was already lunchtime and Sungho and I were already at our school’s cafeteria. We were lined up at the food station when Sungho made me remember something.
“Ah… My head hurts so much. I stayed up until 3 just to finish all of our assignments.”
‘Shit our assignments’
“Um… Sungho-yah~” I said in a cute manner. He looked at me with squinted eyes, as if he was suspecting me of doing something wrong.
“What do you need?” he raised one of his eyebrows.
“Um… I still have to do my other assignments, I fell asleep while doing them last night. Can I take a look at your work…?” i said again cutely while poking his arm. He pinched his nose and shut his eyes for a while then looked at me sideways.
“What do I get from this?” he asked.
“I’ll buy you tteokbokki after classes?” he deadpanned.
“I’ll pay for today’s lunch?” he was still looking at me unamused.
“I’ll-” he cut me off.
“You owe me a best friend's date this weekend” he said.
“Ok ok” I agreed then he gave me his homework which made me jump for joy.
We’re now seated in one of the cafeterias tables, being lucky since it was always jam packed with students that there would absolutely be no seat left. I was doing my homework until I heard her voice again.
“AHHH!!! OMG did you see Jaehyun Oppa’s pictures for their comeback. Ughhh please marry me Oppa!!” Aeri squealed which distracted me from my work.
“Gosh that girl is so obsessed with NCT that she would scream to everyone ‘Jaehyun impregnate me’.” Sungho said while trying to copy Aeri’s high pitched voice which made me laugh out loud.
“Tell me about it.” I replied.
“Hey, aren’t you also a fan of theirs?” he asked.
“Yeah I am.” I said
‘And I still can’t believe that they’re my neighbors.’ I thought to myself which made me smile a little remembering what happened to me and Jaehyun Oppa earlier.
“Yah, you better not turn into those crazy fans like Aeri. Arraseo?”
“Ugh Oppa’s impregnate me~” I moaned which annoyed Sungho.
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bookishlyjules · 3 years
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2021 Anticipated Releases - The Books I Currently NEED In My Life!
I’ve never actually done a TBR check, or waiting on list, but these 2021 releases made me think long and hard about how I need to be sharing my excitement for them to come into the world!
1. You Have a Match - Emma Lord
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By NO surprise at all, the first book I’m excited for is Emma Lord’s second title YOU HAVE A MATCH! I absolutely loved Tweet Cute (and still claim to be it’s number 1 fan) so knowing Emma is coming out with another title made me shake from excitement!
“A new love, a secret sister, and a summer she'll never forget. When Abby signs up for a DNA service, it’s mainly to give her friend and secret love interest, Leo, a nudge. After all, she knows who she is already: Avid photographer. Injury-prone tree climber. Best friend to Leo and Connie…although ever since the B.E.I. (Big Embarrassing Incident) with Leo, things have been awkward on that front. But she didn’t know she’s a younger sister.”
Edit: I wrote this list without posting it and I have since read YOU HAVE A MATCH and it met all of my expectations and MORE! And lucky news for you it’s OUT NOW! (full review coming soon!)
2. We Can’t Keep Meeting Like This - Rachel Lynn Solomon
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Another book that should not surprise anyone is Rachel Lynn Solomon’s next YA book, WE CAN’T KEEP MEETING LIKE THIS! 
“A wedding harpist disillusioned with love and a hopeless romantic cater-waiter flirt and fight their way through a summer of weddings” 
sign me UP!
3. Last Chance Books - Kelsey Rodkey
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A first DEBUT on my list is LAST CHANCE BOOKS by Kelsey Rodkey! If you are on Book Twitter this name will sound familiar and we finally get a chance to read something from an up and coming star. 
“Don’t you just love the smell of old books in the morning?
Madeline Moore does. Books & Moore, the musty bookstore her family has owned for generations, is where she feels most herself. Nothing is going to stop her from coming back after college to take over the store from her beloved aunt.
Nothing, that is—until a chain bookstore called Prologue opens across the street and threatens to shut them down.
Madeline sets out to demolish the competition, but Jasper, the guy who works over at Prologue, seems intent on ruining her life. Not only is he taking her customers, he has the unbelievable audacity to be… extremely cute.
But that doesn’t matter. Jasper is the enemy and he will be destroyed. After all—all’s fair in love and (book) wars.”
I’m getting such ‘Recommended for You’ vibes and I canNOT wait to dive right in!
4. Hot British Boyfriend - Kristy Boyce
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The cover and title were really enough to seal the deal for me needing this book TBH.
“After a horrifying public rejection by her crush, Ellie Nichols does what any girl would do: she flees the country. To be more precise, she joins her high school’s study abroad trip to England. While most of her classmates are there to take honors courses and pad their college applications, Ellie is on a quest to rebuild her reputation and self-confidence. And nothing is more of a confidence booster than getting a hot British boyfriend”
5. Cool for the summer - Dahlia Adler
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Bisexual representation and Jewish representation are all I need to scream YES to this book (doesn’t even matter that it comes out the day after my birthday).
Cool for the Summer is a story of self-discovery and new love. It’s about the things we want and the things we need. And it’s about the people who will let us be who we are.
6. The Ex Talk - Rachel Lynn Solomon
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I mean she’s already on this list once so I had to put her on it again when I found out she was writing her first Romance being published by Berkley! I adore Rachel and her words and I can’t wait to read her older audience stuff. Her YA stuff is already brilliant so I have no doubt this will be magnificent.
“Shay Goldstein has been a producer at her Seattle public radio station for nearly a decade, and she can't imagine working anywhere else. But lately it's been a constant clash between her and her newest colleague, Dominic Yun, who's fresh off a journalism master's program and convinced he knows everything about public radio...”
7. The Intimacy Experiment - Rosie Danan
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This is a follow up to The Roommate which blew my socks off (and many others I’m sure). I’m excited for the Jewish rep and to dive right back into this world!
“Naomi Grant has built her life around going against the grain. After the sex-positive start-up she cofounded becomes an international sensation, she wants to extend her educational platform to live lecturing. Unfortunately, despite her long list of qualifications, higher ed won't hire her. Ethan Cohen has recently received two honors: LA Mag named him one of the city's hottest bachelors and he became rabbi of his own synagogue. Taking a gamble in an effort to attract more millennials to the faith, the executive board hired Ethan because of his nontraditional background. Unfortunately, his shul is low on both funds and congregants. The board gives him three months to turn things around or else they'll close the doors of his synagogue for good. Naomi and Ethan join forces to host a buzzy seminar series on Modern Intimacy, the perfect solution to their problems--until they discover a new one--their growing attraction to each other. They've built the syllabus for love's latest experiment, but neither of them expected they'd be the ones putting it to the test.”
There are SO MANY more books coming out in 2021 that I know this will either be updated or I’ll have to make a whole other post but these are the books that are on the tip of my tongue and I cannot wait to read them!
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vampiricmycelium · 5 years
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Like a Black Hole That Draws You In
Fandom: Kanata no Astra / Astra: Lost in Space Pairing:  Luca Esposito/Ulgar Zweig/Yunhua Lun, one-sided Luca Esposito/Kanata Hoshijima, one-sided Ulgar Zweig/Kanata Hoshijima, one-sided Kanata Hoshijima/Yunhua Lun Rating: T Tags: Post-canon, Canon Compliant, Reminiscing, past Unrequited Crush, past Pining, Established Relationships, What Do You Do When Your Partners Tell You They Also Had a Crush on the Same Guy? Word Count:   1458 Summary: With Aries' and Kanata's wedding drawing closer, Luca reveals he used to have a crush on Kanata to his two partners. What he's not expecting is for Ulgar and Yunhua to tell him the same thing.  || Written for the Fictober prompt: "There’s just something about him.” ao3 link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20871758
Luca tapped a finger against the kitchen table, humming a song softly under his breath. It was one of Yun-Hua's but not any of her works. Instead it was a song she would sing quietly to herself sometimes when she was cleaning or sorting through things or anything else that was somewhat mindless. She often changed the words but the melody stayed the same. Luca always found it to be a pretty song, but he never actually brought it up with her. Instead, he would hum the melody to himself. Ulgar had started to do the same too, although he'd never admit it.
Neither Ulgar or Yun-Hua were in the kitchen with him. It wasn't a particularly strange occurance. They lived far more busy lives than he did. Being a reporter and a singer kept them out of the house for hours unlike his artist work which he did primarily from home. Once Luca joked that he was the bum boyfriend of their triad. Only Yun-Hua assured him that that wasn't the case. Ulgar agreed. It ended with the three of them laughing.
Luca did do a lot of work. He had just come out of a busy few weeks, but it never felt near the amount that the other two had to deal with. Luca made plenty of money, just like they did, and so he could be a little selective. Besides he never liked working mornings. They were for eating and taking in the day before you got to work. If he tried to rush things, he often felt uninspired. He liked to take his time when he could.
He was reading the newspaper. After all these years, there were still some people who referred what had happened to them. It was something that still connected them all as well. Not just that though. Luca glanced over at the paper that sat on the table. Aries had only sent one out which had surprised Ulgar.
"I figured she'd send one for each of us."
"But we all live together," Yun-Hua had replied. "It's probably for the better she sent only one."
"She does seem like the type to go overboard though.... Maybe we'll get more in the mail later!"
They didn't but Yun-Hua was right. That was probably for the best.
Luca tapped on the table once more, picking it up. They were all going, of course. They wouldn't miss this wedding for anything. Everyone from the Astra crew had already scheduled it out. Not just for the day of the wedding but time around it. While they all kept in touch, these days they didn't often had time to meet up with each other. Especially Kanata, Charice and Zack had all gone out into space again. It was going to be fun to see the others. As much as Luca loved Yun-Hua and Ulgar, he missed the rest of them too. 
Thinking about it right now, it was bringing back some memories. Of the months they spent in space together forging an unbreakable bond. Where Luca had revealed that he was intersex to people for the first time since learning. The way they all grew to trust and care for each other. It was possible had they actually done the school trip that the end result wouldn't have lead to their lives now. They might not have grown as close. Even if it was terrifying and dangerous and sometimes disheartening, Luca wouldn't have traded his time with the B-5 Group for anything. Yet thinking about to their travels, it also brought back another memory. There was a faint feeling in his heart. An old fondness that had gone unnoticed at the time.
"Oh Kanata."
"Are you talking to the wedding invite?" Luca looked up from the invite to see that both Yun-Hua and Ulgar were both coming in the door. He glanced over at the time, seeing that wasn't even noon yet.
They must have seen his confusion. Ulgar passed by heading towards their room but Yun-Hua came over to the table.
"Turns out that the studio is having some plumbing issues and Ulgar has time before he has to finish his report. So he decided to come home with me." Yun-Hua smiled reaching out to take the invite from Luca. Even if she didn't put as much effort into her looks today, Luca couldn't help but stare as she pushed her hair back behind her ear, smiling at the invite. She was always so lovely. Ulgar came over to sit at the other table. He wasn't as lovely, but Luca always had a thing for his rougher look. Luca had slide over towards a more feminine look lately which often had Ulgar looking out of place with the two of them. But they loved him regardless.
"So why did you say 'oh Kanata?' I can't imagine it's because he's getting married."
Luca pointed a finger at Yun-Hua leaning in closer to her. "That is where you're wrong. Well, somewhat." Luca leaned back. He never really talked about it. Oh, he had referenced it when he mentioned he was bisexual, but otherwise Luca hadn't talked about his crush on Kanata. "I was just thinking about the past. I used to really like Kanata. It's weird to think about! After all this time, I remembered hoping I could stand a chance."
Luca looked from Ulgar to Yun-Hua. Ulgar wasn't really reacting, rolling his eyes in a way that indicated that he knew that. Yun-Hua, on the other hand, seemed a little troubled. He wanted to ask her what was going on. His feelings for Kanata were in the past. He loved them now and was happy for Kanata and Aries, but she spoke before he could.
"I felt the same way," she told him, her voice quiet. This. This got a reaction out of Ulgar. He raised an eyebrow and laughed. Yun-Hua blushed. Even with the confidence she gained over the long years, some part of her was still that shy, quiet girl they had met. "I mean. Can you blame me? When we went to Shummoor and you were all poisoned. He was there for me. He supported me and helped me to put myself out there. I really admired his bravery and ingenuity. When... when I thought we might die on that planet I thought it would be nice for him to be my first and last kiss. It's silly I know."
Luca shook his head. "It's not silly." Now the two of them turned to their final partner. Ulgar was frowning, not meeting either of their eyes. Luca snickered, leaning towards him and poking him in the side. "Come on Ulgar. Why don't you share your feelings about our old Captain? You liked him too?" Luca was just joking around, easily being pushed away by his boyfriend. He stopped laughing when Ulgar spoke.
"Yes. I did."
Both Luca and Yun-Hua leaned across the table, eyes wide in surprised. "I was joking! Are you serious?"
"Why are you surprised? You, Yun-Hua, Aries. I'm sure there were plenty of others who were drawn to him. When you have a personality as bold and in your face, it's not difficult to have people like you. But-" Ulgar gave them both a look, "- tell him that I said that. He can never know I had a crush on him."
"There is just something about him." Yun-Hua still seemed to be reeling from this new information, but she was right. There was definitely something about Kanata. You were drawn to him like matter to a black hole. Luca laughed again. This turned into them exchanging stories about moments with him. Talking about how none of the realized that they had all harbored a crush on the same guy. What it would have been like. If any of the others might have liked him as well. Ulgar gave the most but that made sense. It was sort of strange how the three of them had all come together after everything. Luca hadn't just liked Kanata at the time. Ulgar was also someone he liked, but with that it worked out. Luca had been shocked to know he liked Yun-Hua and then suddenly all three had come together. It was nice.
"I can't wait to see our mutual crush get married. Aries is lucky. She was the one who came out victorious. Not that I would have guessed otherwise. I think she was the only one he had eyes for."
The other two nodded. Still, Luca would be thinking about this for a while. And when he saw Kanata again. All three would be thinking about it now. In the best sort of way. This too was bringing them together.
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mvmtyapper · 4 years
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Hello, Movers! How’s your body today?

I feel my body is like a cotton ball soaked/drenched in water fully because I got a cold. 
It was hard to wake up in the morning today. I needed to drag myself out of the bed. How about you? 
The first thing I do when I come to work is fixing hand drip coffee, but for some reason, I am having a glass of green tea with homemade lemon marmalade. I guess I am too lazy for hand dripping, though.
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I gave a sip to one of my coworkers but he didn’t like it, duh. 
So, anyway, there are four of us working here; My boss/BFF, her co-lead, a very skillful barista boy, and me. Let’s call them Xon, Yun, and Ssup for our convenience.

All of us are friends, but Yun is new to me. I am the oldest, Xon is the second one, then Ssup, and Yun is the youngest. Let me tell you our background a little. It could be interesting references for reading my journey through observation!

- Xon used to be a bassist, and believe me, she was a really good player. Now, she is my boss, like I said before, and a barista who has a bit slow but accurate hand. However, thinking about her bass playing, her hands are NOT slow at all. Gosh, I hope she would play it again.

- Ssup used to be my student. He is the most experienced coffee maker among us. Xon introduced him to me when I was looking for a teaching job, but now we are friends, and he is the one who usually teaches me how to make beverages. He looks a little bit aloof, but he is a quite sweet person, actually. He has fast but a little shaky hands. Interesting part of this is his hands get stable when he is hand dripping.

- I don’t have a lot of information of Yun, but the reason why he started to fall in love with teas is because of Kombucha. He loves coffee of course, but also has great affection for tea, especially Kombucha(obviously) and milk tea. He looks quite calm and serious, but I smelled some timidity from him.
- 
There is Me, MVMT Yapper, a clumsy newbie among them. I am a fast mover and have rapid response/reacting, but less endurance and maybe stamina as well. I don’t have any professional coffee & tea knowledge, and skills either. All I have for them what could be helpful are, I am a quite gourmet and have bright energy/good instinct. Hope there would be more, though.

So, yeap, there are four of us working together. I have already gotten permissions to write our stories including my observation from them! Without posting their photos, but their hands.

I got other writing materials, YAYYYY! Thank God!
Getting ready to snap into it!

Let’s call it a day for now! See you soon:)
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bakudekuficlibrary · 6 years
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BakuDeku: Platonic/Pre-Relationship
 2 Series. 62 Works. 
intricate rituals by Spineless  ( T | 1,464 | 1/1 )
Bakugou and Midoriya clean up after their fight. Sometimes asking for help is all you have.
i've got your number by blossomshed  ( T | 3,518 | 1/? )
Every time he deletes whatsapp it shows back up on his phone, so Bakugou might as well read the messages from his idiot 'friends'.
Alternatively: a picture is worth a thousand words. So is your chat history.
And In His Eyes, A Galaxy by Penkindisbestspecibus ( M | 82,443+| 18/? )
Midoriya Inko attracts small objects. Midoriya Hisashi breathes fire.
Midoriya Izuku is full of stars.
[Graphic Depictions of Violence]
Skip the charades by ficklish  ( G | 1,314 | 1/1 )
In the aftermath of an all out war between the heroes and the villain association, Izuku’s badly injured. And Katsuki’s fucking furious.
Hear Me by my_name_is_Levi  ( G | 22,419 | 5/5 )
It wasn’t as if nightmares were uncommon for the freshman class of Yuuei. They’d seen plenty of things, heard and felt and witnessed enough travesty in their lives to last them a lifetime. But Midoriya Izuku was screaming, and no one, not even Bakugo Katsuki could ignore it.
These Days Past by nivo  ( T | 2,136 | 1/1 )
He's had some weird dreams in his life thanks to what his mom calls a 'highly creative mind' — known to the rest of the world, courtesy of Kacchan, as his 'freaky nerdiness' — but this one is totally kicking his ass.
[Series] Ocean's Boy by Cue2You2  ( G | 52,673+ | 2 Works | On Hiatus )
Impressions by gemteddy  ( T | 5,430+ | 4/? )
Sometimes Class 1-A forgets how long Midoriya and Bakugou have really known each other. Sometimes they get reminders. 
put a bullet (where I should've put a helmet) by canlah  ( T | 10,364 | 3/3 )
It isn't until Izuku reaches his breaking point that he realises he doesn't have to carry this pain by himself.
[Graphic Depictions of Violence]
numb by BlackSclera  ( T | 2,387 | 1/1 )
“What do you think you’re doing, Deku?” If Izuku didn’t know better, Kacchan actually sounded a little worried.
“Jumping off the roof.”
Bakugou Katsuki Finally Gets His Spiky Head Out of His Ass by TrashcanGod  ( T | 876 | 1/1 )
It seems like Katsuki is ready to try playing nice, and a resurrected childhood film is the perfect conversation starter.
The Start of a Beautiful... Something by Kouen_chan  ( T | 1,351 |  1/1 )
As long as Katsuki remembered, there was always that one house in the neighborhood that seemed empty, but every once in a while, there would be movement visible through a window. Occasionally, kids in the neighborhood would dare each other to knock on the door or something. He never expected to meet the occupant who's shadow never changed. Until one day, he did.
In which one Bakugou Katsuki meets and (sort of) befriends a recluse with a bunch of secrets and an unknown mission.
The School Adventures of Bunny Izuku by Lunar_Muffin  ( T | 5,256+ | 6/? )
When Bakugou Katsuki’s quirk manifested, everyone told him how amazing it was and how he would make a great hero. And when the other kids started asking why he was still hanging out with quirkless Izuku, he felt a bit self-conscious. But hell would freeze over before he would abandon his best friend because some side characters looked down on him. And when Izuku’s quirk finally showed itself, he looked all those assholes in the eyes with a big, shit-eating grin on his face. They would become the best heroes ever, together.
Or, Izuku suddenly grows bunny ears of the lop variety complete with a tail. Follow Katsuki and him through snapshots of their elementary and middle school experiences.
Paradoxical Alternative by ThatPersonWhoExists  ( G | 17,204+ | 7/? )
❛Izuku was dead in this universe.
Or at least to everyone in his surroundings, to Katsuki Bakugou, Izuku Midoriya was well-- however he couldn't quite say alive as the boy really wasn't.❜❜
Ghost!Deku AU.
[Major Character Death]
Blowing Up The Closet Door by underoriginal  ( G | 2,391 | 1/1 )
Kacchan tells the world she's a girl. It goes better than expected.
Written for a kinkmeme prompt.
Candied Ginger by cavicanem  ( T | 2,106 | 1/1 )
bakugou's pen explodes. it goes about as well as you'd think.
Katsuki Burns by thepensword  ( G | 1,100 | 1/1 )
Katsuki is always burning.
(“Hi!” says Izuku. He’s smiling the brightest smile Katsuki’s ever seen. It’s radiant, like the sun. Katsuki hates it. Katsuki loves it.)
Katsuki Bakugou watches Midoriya Izuku and burns and burns and burns.
that never stopped you before by TayTei  ( G | 3,990 | 1/1 )
A week has passed since Izuku was rescued from the Villain Alliance
A week has passed since he'd last been back at school
and a week has passed since he learned he is, yet again,
Quirkless
Bakugou Brothers by StrangerStars  ( T | 4,841+| 3/15  )
In which Izuku was raised by the Bakugous.
What is Burned and Broken Heals by GuardianLioness  ( T | 2,516 | 2/2 )
Neither Bakugou nor Midoriya expect injury to heal old wounds. [Two-shot]
Just Watch Him by Celestialgunfireopera  ( G | 1,520 | 1/1 )
Quirkless was not useless, or so Katsuki seemed to believe.
when you reach the top, you have to stop by Seito  ( T | 1,937 | 1/1 )
(the next step up is the sky)
‘Oh, you don't have much magic, do you? Practically a Squib.‘
‘I have enough!’ Izuku thought back. He did! He must! He had his Hogwarts Letter, carefully framed back home. He wouldn't be here if he didn't have enough!
‘Do you?’ the Sorting Hat asked.
it's your power by bakubros  ( T | 2,846 | 1/1 )
Bakugou reminds Midoriya about what it means to be a hero.
The Life Taking View by estupidaval  ( M | 1,362 | 1/1 )
Sometimes life is painful, and sometimes it's beautiful. Breathtakingly so.
Maybe even life taking.
An Open Discussion by artemancy  ( T | 3,478 | 1/1 )
After the attack on USJ, Bakugo takes Izuku home and they talk about their feelings like mature heroes to be.
Late Night Talks by dragonroses  ( T | 1,241 | 1/1 )
Katsuki can't sleep due to witnessing the horrifying events that took place earlier that day. His late night thoughts lead him to the common room where he finds an equally insomniac Izuku
Katsudeku week day 2: Childhood & Confession by Justaperson1718  ( G | 1,855 | 1/1  )
Part 2 of Katsudeku week prompts
Change Isn't Always Bad by TaylorRose16  ( T | 1,825 | 1/1 )
It was in that moment that Katsuki seemed to realize just how much had changed. And he also realized that he didn’t seem to mind it.
“Deku,” he declared. It wasn’t the name of a useless little boy anymore, but the name of a Hero. “Kick his ass.”
His Back by bluelove22  ( T | 3,365 | 1/1 )
Or alternatively titled "5 times Deku thinks Kacchan might actually care about him". *cross-posted from fanfiction.net*
like a boss by Lissy  ( T | 1,796 | 1/1 )
"Kaminari rolls his eyes and wishes more than anything that Recovery Girl could just heal the whining drama queen. But, nooooo, he doesn’t have enough stamina, and it’s just the flu, he’ll be fine recovering on his own. Easy for her to say - she doesn’t have to deal with him!"
Or, Katsuki is a whiny bitch when he's sick, and Izuku pulls a Mitsuki and handles him.
New Friends & Wasabi Pancakes by rainbowtourmaline  ( T | 1,107 | 1/1 )
Katsuki fucking Bakugou and Izuku fucking Midoriya were now fucking friends again.
Don’t fucking ask Katsuki how it happened because fuck if he knows.
“Happy birthday Kacchan!” but he was starting to regret the decision of letting Izuku go from useless pebble in the road to his kind-of-sort-of friend when the other dude just waltzed into his room at 7:00 fucking AM in the morning, his smile shining as brightly as the God damn sun that was burning Katsuki’s retinas right now because Izuku just had to fling the curtains open!
Honestly, what kind of sick torture was this?!
Is Friendship, Probably by DeKatsu  ( G | 824 | 1/1 )
The class notices that Bakugou and Midoriya share some of the same habits.
I'm Fine! Nothing's wrong... by narikopathfinder  ( T | 1,635 | 1/1 )
Ever since they were children Deku had always been able to tell when he had bad dreams. It was weird, somehow Deku was always the first to know. Then his dreams stopped bothering him, they drifted apart. But after being kidnapped, the nightmares returned.
Everything was just fine...
Learn to Levitate (With Just A Little Help) by Heronfem  ( T | 2,201 | 1/1)
Midoriya Izuku tries very hard to forget that he too had a run in with the Sludge villain. But trauma really doesn't work like that.
sometimes I trip over our history by yunnings (ladylolli)  ( T | 1,205 | 1/1 )
The Worst Wonder Duo. What a load of bull for endorsing dependency. Bakugou hates it, but he hates losing more. “Save your pep talk,” Bakugou growls, but his eyes threaten Midoriya not to screw both of them up. Or you’ll die twice, Deku.
I can't stay by 13th  ( G | 5,964 | 1/1 )
Kids, just being kids. 
After Action by ruff_ethereal  ( T | 2,971 | 1/1 ) 
Detective Bakugo finds his partner, Detective Midoriya, working well into the early morning again, and decides to step in before she overworks herself.
 A Mile a Minute by gourdier  ( G | 1,433 | 1/1 )
A sparring match might just be the thing that brings them closer together. A Bakudeku Secret Santa for Merle.
[Series] Beat of a butterfly's wing by theladystrikesagain   ( Not Rated | 26,278+ | 6 Works | WIP )
"Adversity makes us stronger" is a lie people tell themselves to make their lives easier to stomach, Izuku thinks. Because if they didn't, and if they acknowledged that the life they suffered through was just another cog in the messed up machine known as life, any rational person would lose their mind.
All adversity does is make you brittle, and hard, and, when pushed in a certain way, oh-so-easy to break.
Surprise! by Earl_White_of_Mornings  ( Not Rated | 890 | 1/1 )
Deku surprises Katsuki with a visit after two years.
This is literally just a corny little reconnection fic. I don't know if it will get a second part but if it does it will be a series of one-shots.
Photosynthetic by PigeonsAndPlants  ( T | 3,865+ | 3/? )
If one was to describe Midoriya Izuku, a word most likely used would be “green.” Everything about him is green. Dark green hair that softly shines in the sunlight, emerald green eyes that glow with an intelligence not usual for a four year old.
After his quirk manifested, “green” became necessary for describing Midoriya Izuku
Cold Solitude by ukiinas  ( G | 693 | 1/1  )
He thought of the time they’d spent together when they were kids, laughing and holding hands like nothing else mattered in the world. Now Izuku’s hands were tattered and grotesque, and couldn’t even reach him anymore.
Progress, or something. by The_Potatoe  ( T | 2,000 | 1/1 )
Izuku has a bad dream.
Katsuki helps.
Teach Me How to PokeGo by tsunayoshi  ( T | 780 | 1/1 )
"I DONT KNOW HOW TO USE THIS APP WHERE IS THE RULE BOOK I SEE YOU CATCHING POKEMON OVER THERE COME TEACH ME I WANNA BE A TRAINER" pokemon go au [credit to ceastaar @tumblr/twitter]
In which Kacchan and Deku first encounter each other and bond (sort of) over Pokemon GO.
I lost the game. by SilviusPrime  ( T | 2,541 | 1/1 )
Class 2-A is tired of Katsuki winning every competition whether it be small or large. Overhearing his friends talking about it, Izuku comes up with the perfect idea to get back at Kacchan for himself AND his classmates.
By A Thread by ploThief  ( T | 1,189 | 1/1 ) 
Two new strings are formed, crafted and appearing close in what humans call time. One is a burnt orange. The other, dark green. They move parallel to one another, playfully weaving and stitching a picture of friendship.
[ Graphic Depictions of Violence ]
Over Due by Lillabelle  ( G | 1,180 | 1/1 )
It's been years after high school ended, and Bakugou's finally ready to apologize. Even if Midoriya doesn't hold their past against him.
Rocky Roads and Movie Nights by AshesStarsAndRedStringsOfFate  ( T | 1,471 | 1/1 )
After everything that has happened between them, can Katsuki and Deku ever reconcile their friendship? Maybe, with the help of the rest of Class 1-A. Birthday fic for a friend! Love you, Taba!! Rated for Bakugou's mouth (I mean, there's not that much, but better to be safe, right?)
That Day in the Forest by luchijelly  ( G | 1,334 | 1/1 )
"I’ll catch up to you someday Kacchan. I know I will!"
Maybe by sunsetsundae  ( T | 1,453 | 1/1 )
Maybe Katsuki liked pushing Izuku around. Maybe he liked to be forceful and rude. Or maybe he was just having a really, really hard time coming to terms with his feelings.
Snapshots by The_Potatoe  ( T | 1,700 | 1/1 )
Izuku and Katsuki, over the years.
That one time midoriya got to make some kids happy by Alphanon  ( Not Rated | 1,121 | 1/1 )
Bakugou may have mentioned that his friend was a hero, and may have said that he was quirkless. Now Midoriya is stuck joining him in volunteering to care for a bunch of 5 year olds. 
Summer Days When We Were Young by AgentHoot  ( G | 1,669 | 1/1 )
Bakugou hits Midoriya's favorite lucky ball over the school fence. Though dangers may lurk beyond, Bakugou braves them to get it back.
AKA the childhood best friends drabble we deserve in canon.
Walking by ToastTSA  ( G | 937 | 1/1 )
For the first time in forever, they walk home together.
sprite by sora_san89  ( T | 941 | 1/1 )
A short story of Deku, Kacchan, and a handful of flowers.
(BakuDeku Positivity Week - Day 02: flowers)
Safe and Sound by soliloquist  ( G | 470 | 1/1 )
Izuku has always been the one to notice the cracks in his smile, the tears in his reckless eyes, and the hurt in his words. And although he’s no hero, he’ll bandage his scraped knees and hold him close.
Or, the time Katsuki gets injured and his best friend is there to pick up the pieces.
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naanima · 6 years
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Guardian fic - social media is love
@gixininja I couldn't get this out of my mind. This fic has not been edited, all mistakes are mine. I'll probably get it cleaned up if I ever decide to post it on ao3, but I literally wrote this on my mobile in under an hour. I just needed it out.
---
Everything started after the holiday-pirate-ghost-fiasco. Well, actually it truly started when Lin Jing was trying to enter his expense form for the month and found that the Chief charged SIC for "emotional trauma in the line of defense of humanity against cursed ghosts." Which was a lie, not the cursed ghosts or defending humanity, but the lie about it being work. Everybody knew it was a honeymoon for him and Professor Shen. They had the photos to prove it.
Lin Jing looked up from examining the expense forms as he felt a cold draft on the back of his neck. He looked around, making sure there was no sudden appearance of the black cloak variety. You can't be too careful, not with the way the professor can just randomly appear out of nowhere, and the chief seem to have a sixth sense when it came to him slacking off. It initially freaked him out a bit that the chief has shacked up with somebody that could squash all of them in 2 secs flat, but the professor was nice, and honestly all the best for anyone who can live with the chief and still wants to spend time with him during work hours.
But the point is that the chief has expensed SIC for the damn honeymoon, and Lin Jing has lost his bonus for the next two months because of a small mistake. It was not his fault that he couldn't get in direct contact with the chief to warn him about the cursed ghost pirates. The chief was the one who decided to turn his damn phone off so he could spend some 'alone time' with his 'wife' on the beach. As if he hasn't been updating them via his private Weibo account about what a great time he has been having with the professor.
Lin Jing sighed, he was already suffering from being a lonely-poor-technological-genius living in a work environment full of happy couples. Even Hong-jie is dating a toy boy on the side, after the whole pinning for years thing, Hong-jie has decided that she was a goddess amongst men and deserved all the attention she has been missing out on. Now he can't even buy the new VR headset he has been eyeing for half a year. Might as well call it a night.
As he is putting the expense forms away, his phone beeped at him. Looking at the notification Lin Jing swore, "Damn your happily married life." The newest photo the chief uploaded was a photo of a table covered with delicious home cooked food, and just at the corner a pale hand can be seen. The caption read "wife cooked a delicious meal. :) ♡ 😚🍷😍".
Life is so unfair, Lin Jing wished the boss would go back to posting every few months with links to paranormal weather patterns or weird blood spatter or something. Now, the chief updated his account about five times a day usually about how great his wife was with a photo of a ear, hands, food and just things the professor has said. It would be almost cute if it wasn't the chief. And Lin Jing is pretty sure if Professor Shen ever found out about the chief's habits of publicly posting everything great about him and their private life he would go all Black Cloak Envoy on the chief's ass.
Lin Jing paused, and smiled. It is always good being the technological genius.
....
"I'm not sure how this will help," Shen Wei said, looking at the screen with the Weibo registration page on it.
"I just thought it would help with the team collaboration part," said Lin Jing, "And you can even friend chief's account."
"Yun Lan has a Weibo account? He didn't mention it." Shen lifted his head to look at Lin Jing. 
"Uh, probably because he is slightly embarrassed." Lin Jing really should have thought this through a bit more.
"Embarrassed." A slight raise of an eyebrow. Yeah, the chief was not embarrassed about anything. Definitely should have thought this one through a bit more carefully.
"Look, just see for yourself." Lin Jing brought up the chief's account.
She Wei began scrolling through the account, and the first photo was one of their kitchen counter, specifically of Shen Wei's forearm resting on the counter, and a cup of tea. The caption read, "💖 Best morning. Wife is ready for work. So smart. 💗". The photos that followed were of similar theme. Photos of Shen Wei's books (my wife is brilliant 💞), his shoulders (my wife is so strong 💪😘), his eyelashes (9 mm long😍), and a host of bits and pieces about Shen Wei and how great he was, and how much Zhao Yun Lan loved him. All the while not revealing who Shen Wei was, protecting his identity, their privacy, except anyone who knew them knew who he was talking about. Shen Wei could only sit there and keep on reading.
Lin Jing might have made a big mistake. Professor Shen is not saying anything, but he is looking at every photo and reading all the caption and tags. And Lin Jing only wanted to get the chief in a bit of trouble, a tiny bit embarrassed, not anything else. Oh gods, what if the professor gets to angry that he breaks up with the chief, his family's spirits. If that happens Lin Jing will be murdered. "It isn't all the bad. It's really only us - the team, and like, maybe one or two others. The chief is really protective. And I made sure that his account is locked down tight. And oh gods please don't break up with the chief, Black Cloak Envoy!" Lin Jing might have started to sound a bit breathy near the end there buy something needs to be said so that he can continue to breathe.
Shen Wei still had his back towards Lin Jing, looking at one of the earliest photo to appear that mentions Shen Wei in a round about way. It was a photo of the doorway to Shen Wei's office, and the caption read, "Sometime strangers can feel closer than those you have known for a lifetime. How strange."
The silence was getting painful, and Lin Jing have finally notices that the professor's ears were red. Oh gods, he is so angry he is going red. Before Lin Jing could beg for his life Shen Wei put him out of his misery.
"Can you create an account for me?"
----
Lin Jing has had a long night. Who would have thought a 10,000 years old being of unmentionable power is completely hopeless when it came to technology. Creating the account was easy but he kept on getting texts from the professor throughout the night asking about everything to do with Weibo and fucking filters. On the upside he hasn't been called in by the boss yet, and everyone seems to be focused on their life so maybe he dodged a bullet. Maybe the professor didn't say anything. Maybe he wanted an account because he was bored and not because he was thinking of embarrassing the boss. Maybe life will finally be fair for Lin Jing.
Just as he is going through his first email of the day his phone, and everyone else's phone beeped. Lin Jing looked at the notification in horror. "Little Ghost King would like to be your friend" without conscious thought Lin Jing clicked yes, and clicked on the account. There was already a single photo uploaded. It was artfully done, the lighting excellent, the colours balanced, and Lin Jing recognise that fucking filter. Sitting happily in the middle of the photo was a lollipop, wrapper gone. #love of my life #happiness. And below it, the first comment, Lord of Guardians (Zhao Yun Lan), "love of my life💖" and immediately below it, "Lin Jing, your end of the year bonus is halfed."
Lin Jing hated his lonely genius life. And he still needed to enter those damn expense forms.
.Fin.
OK, so, that's that. There's probably a tonne of mistakes but I needed to get this out before I lose steam. So, yay? Once again sorry about the mistakes. Will sort them out if I ever edit this. Hahaha.
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Barista [Taehyung x Reader]
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Summary: Taehyung works at a local coffee shop that is very popular in Korea and when you, a foreigner visiting the coutry step into the shop, he can’t take his eyes off you.
Genre: Fluff, Romance
Word Count: 2 892
 Finally you saw your dream fulfilled: you have just landed at the Incheon Airport in South Korea. At last you had enough money to afford the trip that you dreamt about, visiting the big cities, traveling with KTX and of course taking a lot of pictures. The flight was tiring, having to change the airplanes at some point because from your country there was no straight flight to Seoul. But the many hours spent on a chair and the slight numbness in your muscles surely didn’t stop you from gushing over the large number of stores, the bright lights and.. just everything, in fact. “I still can’t believe it,” you mumbled to yourself in your native tongue, barely restraining from jumping up and down, causing people to throw weird glances at you.
The second big thing you did, well, according to you at least, was to take a selfie at the airport and brag a little on the social media. After so many years spent watching your friends go abroad and posting a shit ton of pictures, it was your turn too – you were sooo gonna spam every social media account you had. Soon after you posted the picture, you retrieved your luggage and proceeded on the way to exit the airport. It wasn’t that much to walk but you took your time to take in the new surroundings. It didn’t matter that in your haze you also walked straight into some people, earning yourself a tired yet pissed off look from the Koreans along with something that you recognized as “dumb foreigner”.
Once out, the chill night air hit your warm face but it was well received. Inhaling deeply you went to search for a free taxi toward your Korean pen friend’s place. She was kind enough to help you with your stay in her city once she learned that you were about to go and “conquer” Seoul (which actually amused her; it was more like the busy and rather fast pace of Seoul will be the one conquering you, not the other way). The taxi cab was driving past tall glass buildings, restaurants, young people walking back and forth, meeting with their friends, the road – half packed even at such late hour… but the whole atmosphere was definitely new and very well welcomed by your excited self.
“We have arrived,” the driver announced you in a broken English, which only made you smile and hand him the money for the ride with a big smile on your face, thanking him in his native tongue. You weren’t just gonna waste all your Korean lessons, now were you? Even if you still made mistakes while speaking, you were determined more than ever to speak Korean.
“Seo Yun,” you announced in a cheerful voice into the intercom. “I have arrived and now come pick my ass up from here,” you ended your sentence with a chuckle. God, you sounded as if you were drunk or something. Drunk of happiness and still thirsty for adventure.
The girl named Seo Yun laughed and instead opened the door for you, telling you at what floor to stop and that she’ll wait you in the doorway. “But don’t you dare jump on me. Judging by what you told me, you’d knock us both down,” she laughed. Well, that just sucked, from your point of view of course.
“Haaa, so good to lay in a bed,” you sighed loudly. “Flying for… I don’t even remember the number of hours, sure is draining you of your energy.’’
But as soon as you collided in bed, just as fast you were up too, beginning to enumerate what you had to do like taking a shower, then eat, then god knows what anymore.
“Someone is too excited, I see,” she laughed. “Keep it like this and by the end of your trip I’ll have to drug you with pills to calm you a bit,” Seo Yun joked some more. “The shower is that way. Make yourself at home while I go make some ramyeon, ok?”
“And some coffee…”
“So you’ll become a spinning top? In your dreams, baby,” and with that Seo Yun left in the kitchen, leaving you to do your stuff.
Needless to mention that you both didn’t give two shits about the late hour in the night as you ate ramyeon and some cookies specially baked by Seo Yun’s mother and talked about everything. You were glad you found her and became such good friends, it’s something beautiful in a friendship with a foreigner, you have so much to learn from them and viceversa. Eventually you both went to sleep around 7 in the morning and hardly woke up around 10 am to go sightseeing.
Seo Yun has dragged you all over to the most important things in Seoul, telling you great stories about each place, especially the palace – familiar to you thanks to those dramas you’ve watched so far – , soon following the shopping time. In just one day you visited almost three shopping malls and a big library, not able to help yourself and buying some books. As you followed Seo Yun all over the place like a puppy, the other citizens only chuckled.
“Icecream or cotton candy?” the girl asked.
“Hmm… Hard choice”, you chuckled, analysing her dollface like. “Icecream,” you answered with a loud laugh as Seo Yun was about to run after you.
Sitting now on a bench as you rested your feet and enjoyed the icecreams you bought, you noticed the café across the street. It had a puppy paw besides the steaming coffee mug. Since it was a bit far away you struggled at first to read the name.
“It reads The Puppy’s Coffee Shop,” Seo Yun translated for you. “Their coffee is very good and it’s a popular café in this neighbourhood. Plus, you can play with puppies while you drink,” she chimed.
Whatever she said afterwards didn’t matter, you were thinking only about those little four-footed playful puppies and how you’d cuddle them and never let go. You were daydreaming so much that the icecream began melting and run down your fingers making them sticky, while Seo Yun waved her hand in your face.
“Earth to Y/N, are you still here?”                  
“Can we go in?” you asked impatient. “I can bet those tiny creatures are waiting for me to pet them.” This only got the Korean girl to chuckle at you, finding your enthusiasm quite amusing and refreshing at the same time.
“Coffee after icecream?” she questioned in a mocking tone, wearing a grin.
“It’s my stomach, shut up,” you dismissed her as you tugged at her hand. “Now be my guide and let’s go there,” you smiled brightly. Seo Yun laughed some more and led you to the coffee shop across the street.
Once in there you let out a loud whoah at the rather big space, the smell of coffee filling your nostrils and the innocent and cute barking from the puppies running all across the place.The walls were a burgundy color, the furniture a nice dark cherry contrasting perfectly and near the three sofas that were there, baskets for the puppies have been laid down. The shop was mostly filled with young people and their cheerfulness echoed in every corner. Seo Yun noticed how your eyes lit up in pure joy, picking a small Golden Retriever as the puppy bumped with your leg.
“Look at how adorable he is!” you said loudly, rubbing your cheek against his tiny head. His small tail fluttered in happiness at the love he received.
“Y/N…” Seo Yun tried but it was pointless, you were long lost as you sat on an empty sofa and tickled the puppy.
Seo Yun shook her head with a small chuckle as she went to the bar, where a young man with a big smile adorning his face, soft black and disheveled hair and a cute mullet, piercings in both his ears was taking the orders… My, he is beautiful, the girl thought and immediately a smirk bloomed on her lips.
“Yes, how may I help you?” the boy named Taehyung, according to his name tag, asked with the same glee.
“I would like two coffees, please. Oh, and my friend there,” and she pointed towards an oblivious you who was still playing with the puppy, “thinks you look cute.”
Well, the barista surely didn’t expect that but knowing it wasn’t the first time he got complimented, he just smiled politely and thanked for it. But when he saw that Seo Yun made another reference to his looks ( “She also said that this hairstyle suits you very well” ), he finally looked over at you. For a brief second Taehyung got before you moved again, he caught a glimpse of your facial features, the way your hair was done, even the shirt that you wore. The boy blinked a few times and even if he looked and saw Seo Yun, his mind was already projecting your figure in front of him.
“Hello,” she chuckled as she waved her hand in his face.
“U-uhh, oh yeah, the coffees, right away…” Taehyung stuttered. “So, she’s a foreigner?”
“Yep, my friend from a distant country. She’s staying with me during her trip in Korea. And she speaks a bit of Korean too,” she teased. “Would you like me to introduce you to her?”
At that unexpected proposition Taehyung blushed, however he didn’t answer a clear yes or no, and so Seo Yun grinned and noted in her mind that this could go well. Being your best friend for almost three years and the one to run to when no one from your friends would listen to you, of course she knew some of your preferences. That included: one, you were still single and two, you expressed your wish of trying to be in a relationship with a Korean man.
“What’s taking so long?” you appeared out of nowhere beside your friend, speaking in English. Taehyung almost burned himself with the boiling water at the sound of your voice. He understood English on a conversational level but still had some issues here and there.
“Just ordered the coffees, done with playing already?”
“Took a break, the puppy left me for a little girl,” you pouted cutely. “I feel betrayed. And he offered such good hugs too…” you sighed amused. Taehyung however thought otherwise, I could offer good hugs too, warmth, make you laugh just as the puppy had made you…
Taehyung shook his head, getting rid of those thoughts this way but caught your eye. Usually you’d be shy around new people, especially in a foreign country, but you felt like a social butterfly right now and so you flashed him one of your warm smiles and said hi to him in Korean. He could have sworn his heart skipped more than one beat.
Handing you both the cups of coffee, you noticed the designs on them: Seo Yun had a leaf design, while you had many hearts on it. Seo Yun grinned in his way, but you were too busy to smile like an idiot and even take a picture of it. So innocent, Seo Yun and also Taehyung thought at that moment. Before you could walk away, Taehyung spoke slowly in English, in a deep voice, “Hope you will come back soon?” You stared for a moment at the tall boy before a grin bloomed on your face and nodded.
Back at Seo Yun’s place and about to throw your cup of coffee, you noticed a small piece of paper stuck on it. Picking it and unfolding it, you tried to read his messy handwriting and understand it. Out of nowhere someone was over your shoulder and giggled, translating the small note.
“So someone got a crush on you, hm,” she teased. “Tomorrow at the same hour?” Seo Yun winked, making you blush.
“Your imagination…”
“I noticed how you were looking at him too. You two were analysing yourselves. What if he asks you for a date?” she smiled big, making you even more shy.
You suddenly excused yourself and went to bed, leaving Seo Yun laughing in the living room. In your room now and under the warm blankets, the young man suddenly appeared with his signature smile. Unconsciously, your fingers started caressing on your pillow, pretending it was his hair, locking your fingers in his mullet. Maybe hearing his deep voice talking to you, sending shivers down your spine and pulling you closer to his body, his steady heartbeat lulling you to sleep. And before you knew it, you indeed fell asleep with a small smile in the corner of your mouth.
The next day went the same, with some teasing from your friend and eventually returning to the café. Seo Yun was the first to notice Taehyung’s face light up at the sight of you. Pulling you after her to sit at the bar, Taehyung almost missed the orders because he was getting lost in your mere presence. For the first time you were chill too, not running around like a small child; instead you focused on his skilled hands preparing that delicious black liquid, pouring milk and doodling a leaf, a heart or a cloud. You started to bit on your lower lip, unaware you were in fact falling for the barista man. And unbeknownst to you, Taehyung was slowly falling for you too.
Time to time sipping coffee or staring at him doing his job, Seo Yun silently observing your actions, Taehyung feeling your gaze on him… This is how the rest of the day went by. When Seo Yun announced it was time for you two to leave, it was already past 9:30, meaning his shift was nearing its end as well. Your small plea of staying a little longer only made Taehyung’s heart grow a bit more, as well as Seo Yun’s grin.
“Well, I guess we’ll meet tomorrow?” this time Taehyung asked in Korean as he closed the shop after feeding the puppies, standing pretty tall compared to you.
“Yes,” you answered with a smile also in Korean, earning yourself a boxy smile from him and to ruffle your hair.
Each day went by like this, until the fourth one, when Seo Yun didn’t tag along and you were left alone with him all day. It was a bit awkward now, him working and you only wasting time there or playing with the puppies. But it meant for both of you a lot. Maybe you didn’t talk a lot, however it didn’t mean that you weren’t getting closer and closer to each other by the second.
“Y/N, wanna go have lunch with me? I’m on my break,” Taehyung announced and you nodded. Out of instinct, he took your hand in his and you let him intertwine his long fingers with yours. “Such small hands, I’m dying,” he cooed in a childish voice.
All the way to the nearest park he kept teasing you about your fingers or height, and despite your blush and pouts, you found the teasing hilarious too. He served you some cookies and also one of his homemade kimbap. When you moaned in delight, Taehyung swallowed hard – the moan wasn’t expected.
“I’m taking it you like it,” he chuckled.
“Teach me how to make it!” you said impatiently, not even properly swallowing the food.
“So, for how long will you stay here in Korea?” he asked out of curiosity, trying to ignore the rice that got stuck to your left corner of mouth. Secretly, he hoped for a longer period.
“Well, I was thinking until the next Sunday…” but you cut yourself to let some suspense grow a bit, feeling sorry instantly for tricking him when he pouted. “Buuut…”
“Buut???”
“I might consider studying here at Seoul National University, thanks to Seo Yun's pestering,” you laughed. “I considered for a year to start studying somewhere abroad but– “ you got cut off as Taehyung hugged the life out of you, happy to hear you’ll be staying longer.
“That’s good news! I’m so happy!”
“Why?”
“Because I can do this and not feel like you’ll slip right through my fingers,” Taehyung gazed a bit longer into your eyes before he kissed the corner of your mouth, cleaning it off from the rice, and then properly sharing a kiss with you.
The kiss was slow, innocent, a silent confession of how he’s felt for the past four days since he met you. And he was more than happy when he felt your fingers interlock in his smooth hair, gently tugging, a silent demand for him to do more. Taehyung wrapped his arms around your waist and sat you on his lap,  one of his hands going to cup your cheek and tilting your head slightly so he could deepen the kiss. The small sound of pleasure that emerged from within your throat was almost like a purr to his ears.
“So, tomorrow after work, at my place so we can have a proper romantic date?” Taehyung glued his forehead to yours, his boxy smile returning.
“Why wait so long when we can have that date tonight?” you teased him, biting playfully his bottom lip.
“Playing with fire, baby? You’ll get burned” he grinned in return.
“I can’t wait then.”
18 notes · View notes
quiet-night-musings · 3 years
Text
Justine and Just Him (02)
02 - Not All Magic Wands are Pointy Sticks
2. Start a new hobby
"The first thing you need to know is how to make a slip knot for crochet. You need to cast the yarn onto the hook so you can start crocheting. It's simple. Quickly twist and loop the yarn onto the hook, wrap the yarn under the hook and pull it through the loop to tighten. It will look awkward. But don't worry. Just keep practicing and you'll master it."
"What's that?" biglang dumungaw si Tasha sa cellphone ko. "Crochet? You know how to crochet?"
"Just watching. Ang cute, eh," I reasoned out and locked my phone.
I don't know why but of all hobbies that I could think of—crochet ruled out everything else. At first, I picked cross-stitch but I realized that I'd be needing a lot of threads in different colors to complete a project. So I switched to scrapbooking but eventually gave up the idea because I'm not artistic. In the end, crochet it is. Maybe it had something to do with the crochet bikini top I found on an online shop. It's so cute and I want to own one too. When I read the reviews, others mentioned how bad it was made. And that they could make a better piece. It piqued my interest and searched how to make a crochet bikini top.
Voila! I found loads of tutorial videos on YouTube. Natuwa ako nang malaman na ang dami palang magagawa with yarns and a needle. I don't need dozens of colored threads or adhesive and embellishments like in cross-stitch and scrapbooking. Sa crochet, isang kulay lang ng sinulid at isang hook, marami ng magagawa. Maliban sa bikini top, may bikini bottom din pala. Akala ko kasi dati scarf at mga cover-ups lang ang pwede.
My excitement led me to buy a dozen of yarn, new scissors, and crochet needles of different sizes. I already have a plan. I'm going to crochet a bikini top for my best friends. A perfect present if I could finish them all before Christmas. But I'm confident. It's so easy. Or at least I thought.
"Crochet is mag burda?" tanong ni Nadia.
"Embroidery 'yon. Gantsilyo ang crochet," I informed her.
"Di ba pang-matatanda!"
"Sa matatanda lang ba 'yon?" kunot-noong napabaling si Gevi.
"It's a craft for all ages," Tasha interjected.
Thank God sinabi ni Tasha 'yun. Nahiya ako ng kaunti dahil sa sinabi ni Nadia. I almost revealed that I'm learning the craft to surprise them. Now I'm doubting if they will like it. Do they like handmade gifts?
We've known each other for almost six years now and classmates kami since Grade 7. They went to different elementary schools while I studied here since kindergarten. The bond between us four didn't start great.
Nadia envied Tasha, terribly. Tasha was from Australia and their family moved to the Philippines due to her grandmother's condition. She was so sweet and nice when we first met. Akala ko maldita kasi ang nipis ng kilay at parating mukang mataray. But she turned out different from what I thought.
My seatmate was Nadia. Akala ko ang bait-bait. I mean... she's not evil. But in the next days that we sat together, I noticed her remarks on other people, especially to Tasha. She would often make fun of our classmates who can't answer when called. Ang judgemental niya! Nang minsan pa nagkasama kami mag recess, she eyed Tasha with a raised brow, from head to toe. Her smirk and her eye roll didn't escape my sight. Napatanong tuloy ako kung tama na kaibiganin siya.
I thought it was just that one instance. But during lunch breaks, Nadia's eyes would follow Tasha and comment 'Akala mo kung sinong maganda.' Akala ko ako ang sinasabihan niya nung una. But she was quick to honestly tell me she was referring to Tasha. Wala namang ginagawa ang tao sa kanya pero bakit ang init ng dugo niya sa isa. I was hesitant to ask why she was acting that way towards Tasha. They never talked. So why?
Gevilyn, or Gevi as she prefers to be called 'coz she hates the Lyn in her name, was quiet. She would only talk to you if needed. At ang 'needed' na 'yon eh kung tungkol sa K-pop. The girl is a diehard K-pop fanatic. Ang sabi niya nagsimula lang 'yon nang marinig niya ang kanta ng Big Bang sa isang TV show. And it was the same song they danced to during an event. After that, nagsunod-sunod na ang pagkahilig niya sa K-Pop. She surprised me one day when she approached me and talked about EXO. I'm not a fan but I've heard the name. She told me about them like she's the marketing operations manager of the boy group. I enjoyed her company and realized that she was far from the person I thought at first.
Nadia's envy towards Tasha ended when they were paired for a class activity. I don't know exactly what happened and how Nadia transformed into a different person in a matter of a day. Yesterday she was sneering at Tasha, the next day they're giggling together. I didn't ask her or Tasha. The question is still there at the back of my mind though. Maybe I will when the time is right.
We're currently on a break but working on a seat work for the next subject. I studied each of them. Tasha owns knitted scarves and cardigans. I'm positive she will like a crochet bikini top too. Gevi loves to draw and print shirts. She loves the beach and even posted her photos on IG in a bikini. I guess she will love a crochet bikini top. Nadia... she loves branded stuff. I wonder if she will accept my gift.
Ah! Bahala na. I'll make the bikini top first and worry about it when I'm about to give it to them. Why bother now if it hasn't happened yet? Waste of energy.
**
WHAT A BOLD move to crochet a boho bikini top. I searched for patterns and it only gave me a headache. Iyong akala mong madali kasi yarn at sinulid lang ang kailangan pero sasakit pala ang ulo ko kakabilang kung ilang stiches ang kailangan gawin.
Not only do I need to count the number of stitches. After making a long chain, I have to change stitches in between. There are single crochet, double crochet, and slip stitch.
Natapos ko na ang chain kasi 'yon ang pinakamadaling gawin. Dire-diretso lang hanggang makagawa ng mahabang chain. But the important part of the bikini top is the cup. Iyong tatakip sa dibdib.
"Chain one... turn... single crochet into next 9... three single crochet... single crochet into next 9..." I read the instruction.
Gosh! Ang daming numbers!
Gusto kong ipahinga ang utak ko sa mga numero pero itong ginagawa ko kailangan din pala magbilang. Hindi yata ako tatakasan ng mga numero. Sa school numbers na ang kaharap ko. Even in my new found hobby, numbers pa rin? Ugh!
I went to YouTube. I searched for the easiest DIY tutorial. Iyong less complicated at para talaga sa beginners. I was able to follow on the first two rows. But I got confused when the video skipped and it showed an almost done cup.
"What the hell? Paano naging ganyan 'yan?" I exclaimed.
I didn't notice that I began to sweat. Matindi na rin ang pagkunot ng noo ko kumpara kanina habang nagsisimula pa lang. Sino ba kasi ang hindi mamo-mroblema? I thought I'm watching a step by step tutorial. 'Yong per row ang ituturo. 'Yong sasabayan ang mga beginners sa pag crochet. I don't care how long the video is. I just want a detailed tutorial! Ugh!
Dahil sa sobrang frustration, pinatay ko ang laptop at niligpit ang yarn at needle. I don't want to see them until the week ends. It will only remind me of my impatience.
I was confident that I could finish at least one of the cups tonight. But looks like I have to put this off for the weekend.
**
NAIWAN AKO NI DAD. Hindi naman niya kasalanan kasi hindi naman talaga ako sumasabay or nagpapahatid sa kanya sa school. I forgot he was going to leave earlier than usual today. May school bus kami at gusto ko na sumakay doon. Minsan diyahe lang kung hindi ko maabutan sa labas ng village then I arrive late during homerooms.
It was only 7:15 and the school bus often passes outside the village by 7:30. Hindi ako nagmadaling maglakad papuntang bus stop. Hindi naman malayo ang bahay namin sa exit. At isa pa, ang ganda kaya ng sikat ng araw kapag ganitong oras. Hindi gaanong mainit at masakit sa mata at balat. Nakaka-relax din kasi maraming mga puno. Gusto ko maglakad sa gitna talaga ng daan pero pumapagilid ako kapag may marinig akong daraan na sasak—
Ugh! So early in the morning at siya pa talaga agad makikita ko?
I instantly halted from walking towards the bus stop when I saw him. He was standing there— one hand in his pant pocket and the other on his backpack strap. He was tapping his left foot, probably listening to a song.
Whatever! Dito na lang ako maghihintay ng bus. Malayo sa kanya! I don't know where this annoyance towards him comes from. Just the sight of him could ruin my day. Gosh, Lord. Napaka-early naman nito. Ano ba ang nagawa kong mali ngayong araw, or kahapon? Hindi ko na uulitin.
Minutes after, the bus arrived. Hinintay ko muna siyang maka akyat bago ako naglakad palapit doon.
Bwes— I stopped from mentally cursing. Hindi dapat. I shouldn't. Maaga pa masyado. Kinalma ko ang sarili pagkatungtong ko sa loob ng bus. Iyong pwesto ko kasi inupuan niya. Ugh! I don't like sitting at the back of the bus but now I need to. Ayaw ko siyang katabi!
**
"WHAT IS THE ROLE OF BUSINESS FINANCE?"
Walang laman ang utak ko. I studied last night pero walang na-retain? Alam mo 'yong buong gabi ka naman nagbasa at nag-aral pero wala kang mapiga sa utak mo. And I hate it. What if tawagin ako for recitation? Tapos wala akong masagot. That's embarrassing.
"Para kang ipis! Huwag ka magtago diyan," udyok ni Nadia pero hindi ko siya sinunod.
I ducked even lower behind Felix to hide from our lecturer's sight. Good thing Felix has broad shoulders and he sits straight. I noticed his smoothly ironed uniform. I wonder if he washes and irons his uniform. Hmm, I don't think so. Boys are lazy. Si Kuya nga, eh. Never kong nakitang maghugas ng pinggan or magligpit ng plato niya. He would even ask Ate Elvi to wash his handkerchiefs.
I discreetly tittered when I was reminded of that time. May lalaki kayang naglalaba? I glanced at Mond, the guy sitting beside Felix, and his pants were smoothly ironed too. His right socks took a peek when he moved and it was clean. Hmm, he's a rich kid. Hindi siya naglalaba.
Hmm... wala pa kong nakikitang lalaki na naglala—
Oh... I found him at the laundry shop.
I grimaced. Ugh! Bakit siya pa? Bakit siya na naman? I couldn't contain my annoyance when his face flashed into my mind. 'Yong itsura pa niya mismo na mukhang natatawa nung lingunin ko ang naalala ko.
I shook it off my head and sighed heavily before sitting straight.
"Justine, what are the scopes of financial management?"
Great. Just great!
**
"MUKHA KANG baka na kakatayin!" Nadia's boisterous laugh roared in the hallway.
Ano ba ang mukha ng baka kapag kakatayin na? Silly. I imagined a cow in a slaughterhouse. Ehh... it's gruesome. Sanay na ako sa mga panlalait ni Nadia. Mas malala pa nga noon mga sinasabi niya sa iba kumpara sa ngayon. If there's something I don't want to hear from her, it's her laugh. Her annoying, irritating, and pesky laugh. Iyong malakas na halakhak na nakaka insulto. Ganun!
One time, Gevi shoved a polvoron into her mouth and that shut her up. It was hilarious.
"Nag message ka pa kagabi. Sabi mo nag-aaral ka. Saan na napunta ang inaral mo?" tanong ni Gevi habang nasa pila kami.
I picked chicken cordon bleu for lunch. Favorite kong ulamin kapag nasa school. And we agreed to have it for lunch every Tuesday.
"I don't know really. My mind just went blank," I replied and we went to our table.
"Nasaan ba ang isip mo kanina at nawalan ng laman yang brains mo?" tanong ni Nadia.
"Brain. Isa lang ang brain ng tao, Nadia," Gevi corrected her which Nadia didn't mind. Her eyes are somewhere. "Mabuti nasagutan mo ang follow-up question. Kung hindi, baka nakatayo ka the whole time."
I sipped on my banana milk before responding. "Yeah. Ayun lang din ang pumasok sa isip ko. I should focus. Kailangan ko bumawi."
"Nakatatak ka na kay Ms. Be ready in the next meeting," Gevi advised.
"Your sweet and chili sauce, ladies," Tasha joined us with the sauce for the cordon bleu that Gevi and I forgot. Nilagyan ko naman ng tig-iisang kutsara at tinidor ang mga plato namin.
"Wait! May kukunin lang ako." We all stared at Nadia's retreating back when she hurriedly left.
"Strange," Tasha remarked and started eating.
Yeah, strange. But I just shrugged it off and started eating.
Pero susubo pa lang ako, napapapikit ako kaagad. I look stupid. Probably.
Nakapikit, nakanganga at may hawak na kutsara sa ere nang pumasok siya sa cafeteria. Of all times, why now? On my first bite pa talaga? Hindi ba pwedeng pagkatapos ko na kumain siya magpakita para naman magkaron ako ng gana?
"Are you okay?" Tasha inquired. Napansin niya siguro ang pagbuntong hininga ko. "I thought you like this ulam. Loss of appetite?"
Umiling lang ako at sinimulan na ang pagkain. Pero nawalan nga talaga ako ng gana. Nakakainis. Nasira ang umaga ko nang makita ko siya sa bus stop at umupo pa sa pwesto ko. Kanina sa klase, siya ang pumasok sa utak ko nang may inalala ako. Ngayon naman nakita ko siya bago ko pa isubo ang pagkain ko.
Nawalan ako ng gana. My mood was only lifted when Nadia came back with a box of cupcakes. She didn't tell who it was from. I didn't ask kasi masyado akong naka-focus sa cupcakes.. Nakita ko lang ang nakakatakam na cupcakes, bumalik ang sigla ko sa pagkain. I was able to finish my lunch in a jiffy.
"Ano ang masarap dito?" tanong ko kay Nadia habang hindi ako makapili kung saan sa anim ang kukunin ko. They were all yummy!
"Aba malay ko. Hindi ko pa nga natitikman yan," sagot niya.
May red velvet, may sweet corn, chocolate and ube. I asked Gevi to pick for me and she knows me well because she chose the ube flavor with macapuno on top.
"Saan tayo uupo?"
May dalawang lalaking estudyante na dumaan sa gilid ng table namin. Hinintay ko muna silang makadaan. Kasi ang awkward naman na ngumanga ako habang may paraan no!
"Dito na lang!"
I closed my eyes and sniffed the cupcake.
It smells delectable! It's so sweet at masasabi kong ube halaya talaga ang ginamit dito at hindi ube flavoring lang. Oh, when did I become a pâtissière?
I took a big bite of the cupcake. I was so happy savoring the flavors I didn't open my eyes yet.
Pero sana hindi na lang ako nagmulat ng mga mata ko. Because the second I opened my eyes, I saw him. He was sitting across from me on the table in front of us, behind Tasha.
I stopped chewing when I noticed he's staring at me. When... when did he get there? Nakita niya akong kumagat sa cupcake? Pinapanood ba niya ako habang kumakain?
As if it couldn't get any worse, I choked when he smiled at me.
**
"ARE you okay na?"
"Yeah," sagot ko kay Tasha.
"Tingin ko nabulonan ka kasi ang bilis mong kumain kanina," hula ni Gevi.
Hindi ko naubos ang cupcake. Malaking sayang man kasi masarap talaga pero nang mabulonan ako, patakbo akong dumiretso ng comfort room. Doon ko niluwa lahat ng kinain ko. Pati na ang chicken cordon bleu.
Pakiramdam ko nanghina ako kaagad pagkatapos mailabas lahat ng laman ng tiyan ko. Hindi naman ako nakaramdam ng gutom kaya inubos ko na lang ang laman ng tumbler ko.
But now, I'm famished.
Tasha offered her chicken sandwich. Gusto kong tanggihan dahil alam kong paborito niya 'yon pero paborito ko rin yon at gutom ako kaya tinanggap ko na.
We're still having our P.E. class so I restrained myself from eating the sandwich. But my stomach has been grumbling. Tinatakpan ko na lang ng book ang tiyan ko baka kasi mapalakas ang ingay.
Gusto ko na kainin ang sandwich! One hour pa 'tong klase namin at kakasimula pa lang.
I waited at least 20 minutes for the class to start before I excused myself to go out. Hindi ko naisip kung saan ako kakain. Ayoko naman kumain sa CR. Kadiri! So I went to the back of the gym. May mga concrete table and benches doon na madalas tambayan ng mga students. Medyo tago kasi sa maraming tao kaya paboritong lugar din na pagtaguan ng mga nasa in a relationship status.
I chomped the sandwich with gusto. Hindi ko na ipinikit ang mga mata ko kahit pa sarap na sarap ako sa paborito kong sandwich. Ewan ko ba pero kapag masarap talaga ang pagkain, hindi ko na ma-kontrol ang sarili kong mapapikit. It's like heaven in every bite.
Binilisan ko ang pagkain ng sandwich. If I stay out longer than the given time, I won't be excused next time. And since I left my tumbler in class, dumaan muna ako sa cafeteria para makabili ng maiinom. I bought a cup of sago't gulaman. Maglalakad ng mabilis tapos titigil sandali para makainom ang ginawa ko. I want to finish the drink before I enter back into the room.
Kakatapak ko pa lang ng third floor pero huminto muna ako para maubos ko ang inomin.
"Alonzo!"
Sh*t! The tapioca entered the wrong pipe. Sh*t! Ang sakit sa ilong!
Napaubo ako ng malakas. Gusto kong suminghal pero hindi sa hallway. I ran fast towards the girls' comfort room and tried to sneeze the sago from my nose. Ilang beses ko pang inulit hanggang sa lumabas na nga.
Naluluha ang mga mata kong tumitig sa salamin at hindi mapigilang mapaungot.
This day is infuriating! Ano ba ang ginawa kong kasalanan at sunod-sunod naman ang mga nangyayaring ganito? Ugh! Ang malas ko ngayong araw! At isa lang ang may kasalanan sa kamalasang 'to!
Huwag na huwag siyang magkakamaling magpakita sa 'kin! Kung hindi...
I groaned loudly in irritation.
**
THE REST OF the week went well. I made sure to focus on my priorities. And I made sure not to meet the dork!
Dahil malaki talaga ang paniniwala ko na siya ang dahilan ng mga kamalasan ko nung Tuesday, nagpahatid ako kay Dad sa school, we moved to a different table for lunch, and I used the other stairs going to and from the classroom. Kahit hindi nagtatanong ang mga kaibigan ko, halata sa mukha nila ang kyuryusidad.
Everything worked out. And as I planned for the weekend, I went to the village park and started my crochet project. The breeze was perfect and the sunshine was gloriously warm and mild. I occasionally glance at the kids running and rolling in the grass. They're so cute I want to pinch their cheeks.
It is indeed the perfect day to spend my alone time at the park. This is one of my favorite places in the world. I smiled. "Aside from our house, of course."
"Justine."
Literal na napatalon ako sa upuan ko. Tumigil pa yata ang tibok ng puso ko dahil sa pagkagulat. Pagkalingon ko sa pinanggalingan ng boses, I immediately saw red.
I pressed my lips as I glared at the dork.
Here he is again. He's behind the bench I was sitting on with both his arms resting above the backrest.
Strands of his black hair are slightly blown by the breeze. There's a hint of amusement on his face and that annoyed me.
"Ikaw na naman?! What are you doing here? I avoided you for a couple of days tapos magpapakita ka na naman! You are the jinx in my life! Ano na namang kamalasan ang dadalhin mo ngayong araw na 'to? Ha? Ano?"
"Justine."
Napukaw ang atensiyon ko at mabilis na nag-iwas ng tingin sa kanya. I tried my best to calm myself. I need to be calm so I took a deep breath. This is my me time and I don't want it to be ruined by just anyone. But... but what should I do now that he showed up in front of me again?
Don't mind him, Justine. Just act you neither saw nor heard him. Don't let him completely ruin your day.
But he has already ruined it! Just seeing his face is enough to spoil this afternoon.
Ibinalik ko ang atensiyon sa ginagawa ko. Pero agad ding napatigil. How many stitches again? What was the last count? How many rows have I already made?
I... I forgot. I lost count.
"What are you doing?" he asked.
I continued stitching even if I already lost count. I just need to do something else and not be distracted. Minutes passed and the silence was deafening. I silently hummed inside my head any song I could think of making up a tune just to occupy my mind.
"That looks nice."
I'm the one making this. Of course, it is nice. I fought a smile after hearing praise for what I'm working on. Then I remember I shouldn't notice his presence.
Labanan mo, Justine! Act like he's not beside you.
Hmp! I don't need your compliment.
Nagpatuloy pa rin ako sa ginagawa hanggang sa hindi na ayun sa pattern ang kinalalabasan. Binuksan ko ulit ang cellphone ko at pinanood ang video tutorial kung paano gawin ang cup. Nilakasan ko ang volume ng pinapanood ko dahil hindi ako nagdadala ng earphones kapag nasa park.
I tried to focus on what I was watching but the dork's presence was so strong that I forgot the number of stitches for the corresponding rows. So I kept on moving back to the beginning of the video and memorized the number of stitches I have to make.
"You're making a bra?"
I was slightly startled upon hearing his voice. Then, my forehead creased because he thinks I'm making a bra? Nanonood siya sa pinapanood ko? I want to correct him.
"I'm making a bikini," I emphasized without glancing at him.
"A bikini bra."
"A bikini top."
"It's the same."
That silenced me. Yeah, it's the same. No use bickering with him. Ugh! Kainis!
"Are you gonna wear that?"
I paused what I was doing and pursed my lips. This... this guy is testing my patience. I took a deep breath before I faced him. But it was a bad move. Nagkatitigan kami mata sa mata kaya mabilis akong nag-iwas ng tingin.
Kailan pa siya nakatingin sa 'kin? Kanina pa ba? Bakit siya nakatingin sa'kin? May dumi ba 'ko sa mukha? May kanin ba sa pisngi ko? May muta ba 'ko?
Justine, calm down.
"Anong ginagawa mo rito?" I calmly asked, without looking at him.
"It's nice here," he answered.
"Mas maraming magandang spots kesa dito. Doon ka."
"This spot is the nicest."
Hindi pwede! This spot is mine! I wanted to yell it to him but it would be a waste of energy. Ano ba? Bakit ba siya nandito?
I took a deep breath. Again. I reminded myself that this should be a peaceful and calm weekend. This should be my time to relax after a week-long of computing, memorizing, and reviewing. And this guy beside me is not part of the relaxing week I planned.
Pero anong magagawa ko? Nandito siya. Nasa iisang village kami nakatira. And it's not like I own this park para itaboy o paalisin ko siya. And this bench isn't exclusive to me. It's unreasonable of me to think this is mine. So... yeah. I have to deal with him. Again.
Thank goodness he didn't ask more after that. I didn't even notice when he left. Well, tama talaga ako na aalis siya kung hindi ko papansin. Everybody should learn the art of deadma. It truly helps.
The next day, I went to the park again. Nag-isip pa 'ko kung lilipat ako ng ibang pwesto baka makita ko na naman ang isang yon.
Pero bakit ako lilipat dahil sa kanya? Hindi naman sa kanya ang park at lalo na ang bench na yon. So like any normal person would do, I went to my favorite spot in the park and continued my crochet project.
It was already four in the afternoon when I noticed dozens of people walking towards the village chapel. Mga magsi-simba. Marami na ring mga batang naglalaro sa park, naghahabulan at naglalaro. Pumasok sa isip ko ang mga panahon na kasing edad ko rin sila at nakikipag-laro sa kapitbahay namin noon. And then Kuya came into my mind. If the rumors were true, I bet he's here and watching over his kid or kids.
I heavily sighed. Kapag naiisip ko si Kuya, either naiinis lang ako or natatawa sa kanya. Kaya para hindi ko na siya problemahin, tinuon ko na lang ang buong atensiyon ko sa ginagawa. Hindi ko napansin ang oras sa sobrang tutok ko sa ginagawa. Napa-angat lang ako ng tingin nang tumunog ang kampana sa chapel hudyat na tapos na ang misa.
Nang ibalik ko ang atensiyon sa ginagawa, napapitlag ako. Someone's sitting beside me. Who else? The dork of course. I just rolled my eyes when our eyes met. Iyong ngiti pa niya na nakakairita kasi mukang masaya talaga siya na nagulat ako sa presence niya.
Ilang beses na akong nag single stitch and I lost count again. Kaya kinalas ko muna at para mabilang ang gagawin ko sa bagong row.
I didn't know how but I was focused on what I was doing. Hindi ko na napansin kung sino ang nasa tabi ko. Basta bilang lang ako ng bilang sa stitches na kailangan. Malapit na 'ko matapos sa unang cup nang may marinig malapit lang sa 'kin.
Napa-angat ako ng tingin at napangiti nang makita ang mga batang tatawa-tawa habang naghahabulan. Sa hula ko, mga nasa pito hanggang siyam na taon ang mga batang lalaki at babae. Ang iba sa kanila madalas kong makita sa park. Ang ilan naman ay napapansin ko lang kapag nagjo-jogging ako sa village.
"Do you want to join them?"
I just rolled my eyes. Ang wrong timing talaga ng lalaking 'to. Binalik ko na lang ang atensiyon ko sa ginagawa. Pero nakalimutan ko na naman ang number of stitches na nagawa ko na! Last five rows na lang, e.
Tinuloy ko ang pag stitch pero hindi na pantay. Hindi na kagaya sa gusto ko ang kinalabasan. Kinalas ko ulit para mabilang mula sa umpisa ang kailangan kung gawin na stitch.
"Why do you keep on untangling the thread?"
"I lost count." Wait... Pinansin ko siya. Sinagot ko ang tanong niya. Pero hindi dapat, e!
Hindi ako nagpahalata na nagulat sa sarili kong ginawa. Itinuloy ko ang ginagawa at nagsimula ulit mag crochet. This time, with the right number of stitches for the row. And when I finished the first cup, I felt relieved.
Finally, the first cup. Ang dami kong pinagdaanan para lang matapos ka. Ang daming naging sagabal para lang magawa kita. Sana kasya ka sa boobs ni Nadia.
Mahinang natawa ako sa naisip ko.
"You did right this time?"
Napatigil ako sa pagtawa. Epal talaga nitong katabi ko. Ang ganda ng moment ko, e. Nagce-celebrate ako sa small achievement ko, tapos biglang sisingit.
Bakit ba hindi siya makipag habulan sa mga kiddos?
Inilagay ko sa tabi ang natapos kong cup. Iyong tote bag ko na sa gitna naming dalawa. Tyaka kinuha ko ulit ang thread at ang isang hook para simulan ang isa pang cup.
"Is this the finished product?"
Napabaling ako sa kanya at nakitang hawak niya ang natapos kong cup. Inagaw ko at nilagay pabalik sa tote bag. Pakialamiro!
"That's just one of the two cups. Can you not touch which isn't yours?"
Kunot ang noo niya na nandoon pa rin ang tingin sa tote bag ko.
"That's small. Is it enough to cover?"
"The thing is... iba-iba ang cup sizes namin," I answered without looking at him. "Tasha and I have the same cup size. B. Pero si Nadia malaki ang cup size niya. Pareho sila ni Gevi na D. So the measurements aren't the same. I have to stitch more for bigger cup sizes."
I paused and realized, why the hell am I even explaining this to him?
Tumingin ako sa kanya. "What's wrong?" I asked when he raised his head.
His lips were tightly pressed and his brows drawn in one line. Parang may sinabi akong hindi niya nagustohan? Or ako lang talaga nag-iisip nang ganoon?
"Nothing," sagot niya sabay iling at umiwas ng tingin.
Weird.
A ball rolled near us. Agad siyang tumayo at kinuha ang bola at tumakbo palapit sa mga batang naglalaro.
Ayan! Doon ka! Sumama ka sa mga bata.
Nagpatuloy ako sa ginagawa ko. I was done with the first three rows when an elderly sat down beside me. Medyo nagulat pa 'ko dahil hindi ko naramdaman na may lumapit na pala. Inayos ko ang mga gamit ko para maka-upo siya ng maayos.
I heard her slightly groan as she leaned back. Her cane was positioned between her slightly parted legs. From holding the cane, she rested one of his hands on the armrest of the bench.
It seems to me she walked a mile and needed to rest.
She glanced at me and smiled. Contrary to what I noticed earlier, her milky eyes gleamed with energy. Her smoky-grey hair is neatly combed in a bun. Ang ganda rin ng damit niyang bistida na may bulaklak malapit sa laylayan ng mga manggas at paldang suot niya. Bagay na bagay sa edad niya. Siguro mga nasa sixty na siya or nearly seventy but she still managed to look and smell clean. Amoy powder siya actually kumpara sa ibang matatandang nakatabi ko.
I smiled back at her and nodded.
Bumaba ang tingin niya sa hawak ko bago bumalik ang mga mata niya sakin. "Naga-gantsilyo ka?"
Mahina at mahinahon ang pagkakatanong niya. Parang ang bait niyang lola.
Nakangiti akong tumango. Bumuka ang bunganga ko para sana magsalita pero nahiya ako na sabihin kung ano ang ginagawa ko. Baka kasi conservative si Lola at ayaw niya sa mga biki-bikini.
"Swimsuit ba yan?" tanong niya.
Ngumiti ako. "Bikini. Yung pang-taas lang."
Ngumiti siya na may pagka mangha. "Sexy, a. May ganoon na pala ngayon? Dati mga bonnet, bandana at punda lang nagagawa ko. Mayron na palang bikini? Ang galing naman. It just proves that not all magic wands are pointy sticks. Ang daming nagagawa ng isang hook."
"Marunong po kayo mag-gantsilyo?"
"Oo, ayan ang pinagka-abalahan ko ng ilang taon tuwing bakasyon at nang tumigil na ako sa trabaho."
"Bakit hindi niyo na po pinagpatuloy?"
Umiling siyang nakangiti. "Hindi na. Maliban kasi sa nangangalay na ang mga kamay ko, hindi na rin klaro ang mga mata ko."
Tinignan ko ang mga kamay niya. Her fingers are slim and veiny. Probably caused by years of crocheting and work. Will my hands look the same if I continue this hobby for years? Maybe. It's not a bad thing. Kung pumangit pa ang mga kamay ko, idadaan ko na lang sa manicure kagaya ng kay Lola na naka-bloody red pa ang nail polish. Huwag lang maglaba talaga.
"Sino nagturo sa'yo?"
I sheepishly smiled. "Ako lang po. Nanood lang sa YouTube."
Her lips shaped in 'o'. "Self-taught. Ang galing mo kung ganoon. Kailan ka nagsimula?"
"Last week lang po. Ilang beses akong umulit kasi hindi ko kabisado kung ilang chains ang kailangan gawin sa kada row." Napasimangot ako. Kasi naka-ilang beses pa talaga ako bago ko natapos ang nag-iisang cup lang. "Isang linggo na nga po akong gumagawa nito, pero ito pa lang iisang cup ang natapos ko." Ipinakita ko mula sa tote bag ang unang nagawa. Ikinuwento ko rin kung bakit ito ang gusto kong gawin.
Inusisa niya ang gawa ko. "Natapos mo 'to sa loob ng isang linggo? Magaling." May pagkamangha sa boses niya habang nakatingin sa gawa ko bago bumalik ang tingin niya sakin.
Tumatango-tango siyang nakangiti. "Trial and error. At the beginning, you weren't sure how it will turn out, right? Ganyan din ako noong una. Hindi ko nagustohan ang kinalabasan ng mga ginawa ko. Ang sabi sakin, 'Sige lang. Ituloy mo lang'. Hanggang sa nalaman ko kung saan ako nagkamali at inayos ko . Ang mga sumunod kong gawa, kagayang kagaya na ng gusto ko. Napagtanto kong, hindi ako makakabuo ng mga magagandang disenyo kung hindi muna naging palpak ang mga nagawa ko."
"Oo nga po, e. Medyo mahirap nga din po pala ito. Akala ko madali lang. Pabalik-balik nga po ako sa umpisa. Ilang beses ko din pinagtatanggal at binalikan ang unang stitch. Pinapanood ko ulit ang video tutorial para makita ko kung saan ako nagkamali ng bilang."
Ngumiti ulit siya. Iyong ngiti na maganda at magaan sa pakiramdam. "That is actually one of the lessons I learned in crochet. It's okay to start over. You can undo and redo your projects. You can start again if you know where you did wrong. At maganda na binabalikan mo ang pinanood mo para maitama ang pagkakamali mo."
Bumaling ang tingin niya sa mga punong nasa tapat namin. Feeling ko tuloy ang lalim ng iniisip ni Lola at bumabalik siya sa retro age. "The ability to start over. Noong minsan akala ko nasa tamang daan ako. Pero dumating ang araw na hindi ko alam kung ano na ang susunod kong gagawin. Bumalik ako sa pinanggalingan ko at humingi ng tulong sa iba. Dahil sa kanila, nakapag simula akong muli."
Bakit parang hindi na tungkol sa crochet ang sinasabi niya? Her words are coated with wisdom that she probably learned through experience and age.
Nakangiti ulit siyang tumingin sakin. "If you ever get stuck, just take a pause and acknowledge that you need help. And be brave to ask for it. Maybe that's how you can start over again."
It's definitely not about crochet anymore. Hindi ko na alam kung ano ang sasabihin ko sa kanya. Ngumiti na lang ako at tumango para mag agree. Well, I get the message she wants to convey though and it's not every day I meet a lola.
"If you're having a hard time with the bikini top, it's never too late to make something else. Your best friends won't mind if you give them anything that you worked hard for. Magaling ka. Pero sigurado ako mas may igagaling ka pa."
Mas lalo akong napangiti sa sinabi ni Lola bago siya nagpa-alam na uuwi na. May sumundo sa kanyang batang babae, siguro apo niya o kasambahay nila.
I felt proud of myself. Someone praised what I did. Ganito pala ang pakiramdam no? Kahit hindi mo kakilala kung pinuri nila ang isang maliit lang naman na bagay na nagawa mo, nakaka-overwhelm. It motivated me to continue the hobby.
NANG maka-alis si Lola, tiyaka ko lang na-realize na hindi pala kami nagpakilala sa isa't-isa. Pero di bale, nasa iisang village lang kami. Malamang magkikita kami ulit.
Pinagpatuloy ko ang paggawa ng pares ng unang cup. Medyo naguluhan ako kasi hindi ko namemorize kung ilang stitches ang kailangan at ano ang susunod na stitch ang gagawin.
"Does it have to be a bikini top?"
Sinimangotan ko siya kaagad pagkatingin ko sa kaniya. Hindi naman nagtagal at pinanood ko na lang ulit ang tutorial. Focus na sana ako pero naramdaman kong umupo na naman siya sa tabi ko. But I shook off the bad vibes from my head. Masyadong maganda ang araw na 'to para maging maldita ako.
"Is this a bracelet?"
When I turned to him, he was holding the long chain I made. Iyon lang sa tingin ko ang malinis at pinaka-tama kong nagawa simula nang umpisahan ko 'to. Ang simple lang naman kasi kailangan lang i-braid.
"Hindi yan bracelet. Ibalik mo nga yan sa bag ko," utos ko sa kanya. Pero ang gago ipinalibot pa sa pulsohan niya ang chain.
I was about to stop him until an idea came to mind. From the video I was watching, I searched for 'crochet bracelet'. There wasn't plenty of what I was expecting but I watched one tutorial and it was easy. Well, I said the same thing for the bikini top but ended up having a hard time finishing a cup. But it isn't too late to start again and try something new, right? Just like what the grandma told me earlier.
Pero akalain mo nga naman. Itong lalaki pa sa tabi ko na dine-deadma ko ang nakatulong sakin. Let's not tell him that. Deadma ko nga siya, di ba? Mabuti nga umalis na naman siya at sumali sa mga batang naglalaro ng dodge ball. Such a kid.
Kinuha ko ang chain na gawa ko at ipinalibot sa pulsohan ko para gawing wrist band. It looks good on my wrist. Nakaka-puti ang mint na color ng sinulid.
I think I can do this. Madali lang gawin ang wristband based on the tutorial I watched. I think I can finish one in less than a week. With the beads, I have lots of them at home from my old and broken bracelets. Okay, final na. I'll be making beaded crochet wristba—
Sheet! One whole sheet of pad paper!
My world rocked back and forth cutting off my thoughts after a ball smacked on one side of my cheekbone and leaving it numb. I didn't see the ball coming. It happened quickly after losing the wristband from my wrist. And when I raised my head, the ball struck me uninvited.
Mabuti na lang at nakapikit pa ko. Hindi ako nakaramdam ng sakit pagkatapos akong matamaan pero tatlo hanggang limang segundo ang nakalipas, nakaramdam ako ng kirot sa kaliwang pisngi ko at malapit sa ilong.
I opened my eyes wider and shook my head to regain awareness of what happened. Then he went near me.
"Justine, okay ka lang?"
Tinignan ko siya ng masama.
"Okay?!" Tumayo ako na medyo nahihilo pa at hinarap siya. "Ihagis ko kaya ang bola sa mukha mo at malaman mo kung gaano kasakit ang ginawa mo!"
"It was an accident. We were playing an—"
"Pakialam ko kung naglalaro kayo? Hindi mo man lang naisip na may mga tao rito sa park at baka matamaan ng bola? O baka hindi ka nag-iisip kasi sinadya mo?!"
"No! I didn't do it on purpose."
"Ikaw naman tamaan natin ng bola. Tignan ko kung hindi mayanig utak mo!"
"Look, it was an accident. It wasn—"
"Shut up! Instead of saying it was an accident, why don't you apologize? Baka sana naging maayos pa ang pakiramdam ko kung humingi ka ng sorry at—
"I'm sorry," he cut me off.
The ball in his hands caught my eyes that my jaw clenched and my fists into a ball. I'm panting from anger and I couldn't calm myself now. I already lost my temper. I can't tell if he's sincere with his sorry but even if he is, hindi ko magawang magpatawad kaagad. Masyadong mainit pa rin ang dugo ko sa kanya.
"Too late. If I didn't ask you to apologize, who knows kung ano pang excuse mo!"
Dali-dali kong niligpit ang mga gamit ko. Wala na akong pakialam kung magka buhol-buhol pa ang mga threads ko basta nilagay ko lang lahat sa loob ng tote bag at mangiyak-ngiyak na umalis ng park.
Ang sakit ng pisngi ko. I kept on pausing from kicking my scooter to softly wipe away my tears. Masakit at mahapdi kasi kapag madiinan.
When was the last time I was this furious? I've always tried to be calm because I don't want to shout or yell at someone. I know how horrible it feels, especially when being shouted at in public. It's embarrassing. But I just couldn't help lashing out at him for what he did. It was rude of me to shout at him while he remained calm.
Parang ako pa yata ang naging mukang masama. Pero masama na kung masama. Basta nailabas ko ang galit ko. Masakit kaya ang pagtama ng bola sa mukha ko. Akala niya malambot ang bola? May kasama pang lupa at damo. Bwesit!
When was the last time I was this mad again?
Oh great!
It was with him.
He hurt me again.
He always awakens the beast that I'm trying to calm inside me.
Just him.
***
Be proud of yourself if you get the hang out of crocheting or any other craft you are trying to learn and enjoy. You created something and it deserves to be celebrated; small or big.
Here is a video tutorial on basic crochet lesson:
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Bonding with “Ate Santa Claus”: A Maine’s Fan Generous Heart
I am a former silent fangirl of Maine since 2016 until she released the Open Letter. Recently around 3rd week of January 2018, I decided to be vocal about my support for Maine. Fangirling online is not a new thing for me so I am already familiar how to be objective, positive, and happy with my words. Rule of thumb is “Promote what you love instead of bashing what you hate.” It worked for me all the times so I applied it as well here for the fandom of Maine. 
I started tweeting first and I created this dedicated fangirl blog entry for Maine. Few fans immediately appreciate my written works for the Phenomenal Star. What warms my heart is the joy and gratitude I am feeling whenever I write about Maine are the emotions they felt too when they read my blog entries or tweets. I continued doing this regardless of how varied my ideas are and how sudden these topics crossed my mind. When a writer like me is not silenced by my thought and heart, it means I have to write it down. Hence, this Tumblr blog becomes the platform for all the things I want to say about Maine.
Almost a month after I am vocal about my support for Maine, an unexpected DM (direct message) in Twitter caught me by surprise. A fan of Maine randomly sent this message:
“Hello ganda good morning, I saw your post, dont get offended ha but I wanted to give you a gift sana. A Microsoft tablet RT, with detachable keyboard. Ung specs nia oarang ipad 4th generation. Its a refurbished unit :).. natutuwa kasi ako how you love Meng so much.” [sic]
I did not know what to say. Even if I wanted to doubt, my gut feeling is loudly telling me she has a pure intention in giving that gift. Since I know how to read people’s aura either through words or pictures, it’s easier for me to separate the those with sincere intentions from a bogus. It’s a skill developed by keen and observant writers since I get inspiration from anything or anyone for my writing and not just what I feel. 
I simply know I can trust her.
She sent the DM last 3rd of Feb, 2018 through my only Twitter account (@rj1421). She offered me if she can send the tablet via shipping or we can meet personally. I chose the latter because when she said she’s an OFW working in an Asian country, I know how costly the shipping fee for a letter alone on international borders so how much more for a tablet. She said she will come home to her family soon and we can meet in that time. I agreed to her suggestion.
March 10, 2018 was the designated date for meeting Ate Santa Claus. I need to use a pseudonym to respect her wishes of staying anonymous. I was excited for that day because it will be the first time for me to have a cafe bonding with a fan of Maine. I want to hear her stories too.
She is very concerned about me. Ate Santa Claus keeps on sending me reminders about the security protocol of her AirBnB accommodation. On the day itself, she texted me to say that I must notify her if I am already nearby. She stayed nearby the busy district of Timog Avenue and Tomas Morato. I grabbed the chance to take a picture of Bahay ni Kuya. Also I hoped I can see the boutique of Francis Libiran (renowned designer of Maine’s majestic princess-like gown in Tamang Panahon) as I went there. I didn’t know it was a private compound and appointments should be held first. Few more minutes after, I reach the accommodation where Ate Santa Claus stays.
As soon as I saw her, I immediately thought she is around my age. I’m around late 20s. I was surprised when she said she’s way older than my guess. She has a youthful vibe. And to use my mama’s words in observing people, “maaliwalas ang bukas ng mukha niya.” I felt comfortable in an instant because of her warm and sincere aura. I just knew it but it is more than just the smiles, a genuine character simply exudes an authentic aura.
We sat down in Coffee Bean to have more bonding time. I wanted to pay for my order but she told me she will take care of it. I did not feel meeting  fan for the first time. What I felt in that moment is my own Ate came home to check on me. She is very caring even if she is not that much expressive.
I love our discussion about Maine. We are on the same page that Maine is the first Filipino mainstream celebrity we admire. Like me, she is also admires volleyball personalities. She shared her own story into which she said that she is thankful Maine reminded her that sometimes, we need to take care and decide for ourselves first. We cannot prioritize other things and people to the extent we are losing ourselves or we are just settling for mediocrity. 
This story is about how she made a brave decision that I am sure most girls will not do. Ate Santa Claus told me she ended a long-time relationship. It is so long that you can round off the number to 10. She felt they are not growing anymore because as she continues to aim for new goals and development, they guy is complacent and settled with what he has for the past years. The guy even told her that she changed completely. I respect how she told me change is inevitable and what we can do instead is to change for good. They separated on a good note as the guy respected her decision too. Ate Santa Claus is already within the supposed marrying age that Filipino culture suggests but there she is, telling me she will not settle for less and with hesitations in her heart despite how long they have been together and even if their families from both sides are ready anytime for their big announcement. My respect for her deepen. 
Another thing I admire about Ate Santa Claus is how much she loves her family. Like me, she wants to support her family in every possible way especially finances. Her heart is so huge that she did not mind allocating her salary for them and just keeping less for herself. OFWs really have a special spot in their hearts for their families. She wants to help them for as long as she can. I told her in the Bible, children who honors and respects their parents are favored and blessed by God.
To add more reminders from her, she told she wants to live her life to the fullest. This is why she balances her work and life experience. From time to time, she travels to different places. She is a wanderlust by heart. I was so amazed with all the local and international destinations she has been. She immersed in their culture too as she travels to connect more to the experiences more than what tourists want to do. 
As our discussion went back to Maine, she told me that FUNgirling (haha sorry for the pun) should be FUN. It must not be stressful or problematic. We already have our own personal challenges and we should not add up the negativity to it. I laughed with her when she told me funny anecdotes about her fangirling to Maine. She told me she is not the type to socialize but here she is, inviting a Maine core fan group to practice a dance number in her airbnb accommodation for a fan-organized party. She invited me too to her place itself and I saw there the Maine fan core group cheering for Maine in ACTually. They were very, very nice too and it felt like a college reunion for me. As I was going home, two of them even accompanied me to the elevator. Little did I know that as soon as Maine herself thanked the SMU for their exclusive party for Maine, Ate Santa Clause with her Maine fan core group also celebrated there. I was like “Hala ate ang cuuuuute!! Dun pala yun pinapractice nila!! They need to wait first for Maine’s post before Ate Santa Claus can tell me it was for that party which they are practicing for. 
Same like Santa Claus, I don’t like going to a crowd or a huge audience but she told me she just went to Broadway to see Maine, much to the laughter of her mom. haha! And recently she just shared how happy and worth it to be a part of the SMU birthday bash for Maine. Out of our love for Maine, we really do things we do not usually do before. Ganun talaga kapag pinahahalagahan mo. I love hearing all those stories about Maine from a fan whom I first met.
She grabbed the tablet and taught me the basics like how to detach the keyboard and how to use its stand. I am still amazed with this gift. Yes I know she is well off but as what I told Ate Santa Claus, not all those with the capacity to give has the willingness to give. Here she is, giving me the tablet wholeheartedly.
Sabi ko, “Ate how can I repay you?” She smiled, and said “Pay it forward”
I felt my tears forming at that moment. Thankfully my over-sized eyeglasses can cover my eyes. She has advocacy too and she wants me to continue doing my passion such as writing. In time, as she said, I will be able to help other people too. I planted her words in my heart so when the time comes I fell down again from failures and rejections, her words will be one of God’s assurance to remember my purpose. 
I will never forget that day for sure. Two strangers become sisters because God used Maine to be our bridge. So this is how it feels like when huge core fan group becomes united that despite of the diversity, we can be one.
Ate Santa Claus. as soon as you read this blog entry, you may have already been back as an OFW. Thank you so much for sharing your personal and fangirling stories with me. 
Just like you Ate Santa Claus, I will propel too in my career and passion as I support my family and strengthen my faith in God. And yes, I will continue reinforcing how much we all love Maine through God’s gift of storytelling in my heart, be it in creative writing or public speaking. Thank you po ulit from me, a happy kiddo RJ, your new little sister!
As for you Maine, look at what you have done. :) You become an instrument to remind us of the wonderful things Life has for us and to be always thankful to the Great Provider above. Thank you and God bless!
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crisjhamleico · 4 years
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Super Late Confession
My Secret Love
I finally sent this letter to you.
But first let me give you a little history.
Tbh, hindi ko nga maalala saang subject tayo unang naging magclassmate basta ang naalala ko nalang we are all connected. Kilala ka ni Annette, Irene, krizia, and so on. Girls magnet ka nga e. Kasi parang more on girls talaga friends mo or acquaintance.
(links for references)
https://crisjhamleico.tumblr.com/post/122933559234/theory-of-something
Basta alam ko, mapanukso at mapagbiro lang naman mga kaybigan naten. Hanggang sa, I had a dream of you and me. (full details of that dream on the above link) Basta, I woke up na sobrang kinakabahan o kinakabugan ng dibdib. Tapos ng araw na yon, nagkita tayo noon sa SAC, hindi nako makatingin ng diretso at gusto kong umiwas. Simula noon, alam ko na, na gusto kita. I had feelings for someone I barely knew. Simula non, nakaramdam na ako ng Selos at Inggit kay Hannah, Krizia, Annette, Claire kasi lagi silang nakadikit sayo, parang laging may connection kayo. Yung ganon. At tinitignan ko sila, I also felt so insecure. Lagi kong iniisip, “ay baka ganyan gusto niya, ako eto lang ako” parang hindi nag e-exist.
Syempre si Hazel lang naman talaga nakakaalam nito ng una. Hanggang sa inopen ko nadin kay Kim & Arielle sila lng most trusted ko that time. Although may feelings nako for you hindi ko syempre pinapahalata, siguro ng mga huling Semester nalang na magkakasama tayo.
Mga most remembered kilig moments ko.
• BIDA, ng wala kayo at need nyo ng prototype. Dali dali talaga ako non naghanap ng mahahatak para kumuha ng prototype at dalhin sa inyo kasi that day, sobrang tamlay ng araw ko at namimiss kita non. May hashtag #parasapagibig pa nga daw sabi nila. Hahaha. Malala. Sobrang happy ko nito. Lalo na ung picture naten ng araw na yon, ginagawa ko ngang Wallpaper ng cp ko. Nasa link din whole story ng araw na to.
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https://crisjhamleico.tumblr.com/page/81
• SM MANILA, nuong nag SM tayo ininsist lang namen sumama non kasi sabi ni Hazel kasama ni Hannah aba syempre bubuntot kami hanggat maaari. Hahahaha! Nag quantum tayo at nag laro. Kinilig ako noong kinuha mo yung bag ko para makapag laro ako ng maayos. 
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https://crisjhamleico.tumblr.com/post/125522967324/unanticipated
• PRACTICUM MANUAL, kung hindi mo alam anv istorya nyan eto. Kasi siba nag ppractice kayo ng para sa BIDA. Pinaki usapan mo si Irene na gawin nya manual mo. Then chinat nya ako, na malungkot ka nga daw tapos uuwi ka pa nga daw ng bulacan sabi mo. Syempre, bilang baliw sayo, okay ako na ako na gumawa. Just the thought of you na malungkot or problemado, di ko kaya. Kilig na kilig ako talaga sa saya na magawa ko yun tapos nag thank you ka at sabi mo pa na “youre my savior”“. Ay wala, natunaw ako. Haaay.
• PICTURES, itong si Annette lagi kayong nag pipicture non e aba pag nakikita kong ganon ang ginagawa ko, picture din tayo. Like after Bacc Mass, picture kayo syempre kunyare picture din ako tapos punta ako sayo, di pwedeng wala tayo no. Pati nong, may interview tayo after practicum manual, si Irene bilang supportive friend sabi nya “Jam picture tayo pero kayo muna ni AJ para lahat tayo meron” pero ang balak talaga may picture tayo. Hahahaha malala talaga.
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Naaasar ka na ba?
Wait theres more.
Extra Kilig Moments
• VALENTINES, nuong namigay ka ng flowers samen. Sobrang saya ko non. Ang effort mo kaya. At nilagyan mo pa ng “from your ultimate crush”. Alam mo, tinabi ko yung petals non, at dnried. Pinost ko pa nga sa IG ko yun.
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• EDITED PHOTOS, dahil support nga ang mga friends, nag karoon tayo ng mga instant photos na #relationshipgoals #travelgoals ang peg. May groupchat pa kami na KILIG HERE at andon lahat ng kilig ko sayo. Hahahaha!
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Hindi ko alam lahat Amiel bakit. To me, you are charming, shining, beautiful but firm, strict and distant. You are there but wont always be there. You are present but not actually reaching. Ung temporary ka lang. Thats how I felt and the reason why I never intend to say how much I am in love with you. Gaano ka in love? Sabi ko nga, ilang kandila kaya dapat kong sindihan sa St. Jude para makita mo ako? Need ko nadin ba lumuhod sa Quiapo papunta sa altar? Just the thought of you makes me happy and cry. Even typing this down and finally letting it all out makes me cry. Literal na tumitingi ako sa kisame, nakikiusap. “Lord, si AJ nalang”, “Lord, si AJ nalang kase. Ibigay mona siya saken”. Hahaha pero paano mangyayare yon? Ni hindi ko nga sure kung ano ba ako sayo. Ni friendship diko alam kung totoong meron tyo non. Ang labo diba.
Remember that time na nagchill tayo sa taft? That night, krizia pointed whose your ex-gf. Tinignan ko lang sya saglit. Sa isip ko “ahh, ganyan siguro gsto nya, napakalayo saken” tapos alam ni krizia, ibigsabihin ganon ako kalayo sayo kasi wala akong alam. And yet, I am dying for your presence, hindi na nga attention e. Kahit presence mo nalang. Kami ni Hazel and Irene hindi nag eenjoy at nakaramdam ng gutom that night we went sa Burger King. Then after partying we all headed to your dorm. May curfew si Haze and si Irene need na din umuwi nun, sumasama na ako kasi ang maiiwan e si Claire and Krizia, Annette hindi naman kami Tight kaya sa pakiramdam ko ma O.P lang ako. Pero ininsist nila na mag stay ako. So I did. Pinahiram mo kami ng clothes mo non, ung napunta saken, tinabi ko pa yun til 2018 until I have to donate. The next day, morning na, I kissed you. Witnessed by krizia and your friend Jeron? Medyo nakaka off un, pero ginawa ko cos thats my only chance. I took a photo of you pa nga. Everytime I tried to make a move closer to you, I step back twice or thrice. Sorry ha. baka nairita ka saken that time.
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Love taught me to try new things. Alam mo ba, diba may dala kang Game of Thrones na book noon.. trust me, I tried reading it thrice pero nag eend hanggang chapter 3 lang talaga ako. Pero hindi ako talaga mahilig magbasa basa aside sa poetry pero eventually nagustuhan ko nalang.
May mga time din coincidence kahit simpleng post lang sa IG noon. Yes nauna ka pero di pa ako active sa IG ng mga panahon na to.
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Something always brings me back to you but it never takes too long cos no matter what I say or do, were like passers by.
Alam mo, sinubukan pa nga kita bigyan ng puppy diba? kaso sabi mo non, magpapaalam ka pa sa nanay mo. Nakakalungkot kaya.
3 malupit na iyak para sa feelings ko na tinago ko ng halos 2 taon simula sa araw n naramdaman ko to hanggang sa mag graduation, doon naiisip ko na na may boyfriend na ako, at wala ng chance para magkita pa tayo. Alam mo ba ng graduatuon, late ka diba, sobrang worried nanaman ako non, na hindi kita makikita. Tapos lingon ako ng lingon sa inyo sa dulo. Ung cp ko ang dami mong picture doon. Gustong gusto ko talaga na mag picture tayo buti nalang nung tapos na, nagkita tayo sa labas. Tapos nag papicture ka pa nga saken kasama fam mo.
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But even after Graduation, may mga bagay talagang makakapag paalala saken sayo, simple lang naman.
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Alam mo kelan ung mga pagkakataon na umiyak ako?
Una, nang lumalalim yung feelings ko sayo pero wala ako magawa.
Pangalawa, kasama ka pa sa group chat noon, Nov.2015 tapos nag send ako doon ng picture namen ni Niño (ex ko na ngayon) ang sabi ko doon nakilala na niya fam ko. Di ko alam kung nantitrip ka lang ang reply mo Sad Face at Broken Heart. Ang gago lang at ang sakit sakit, kasi ung love na dala dala ko for you, I poured to someone else. Siya kasi yung andun eh. Kung alam mo lang! From that day on never ka talaga nawaglit sa isip ko.
July 2017 ng nagpunta kang Doha, mix emotion padin ako, pero I saw youre doing fine and sa IG puro travel ka. Nakontento nalang tlaga ako ng ganon lang, siguro nakasanayan. Pero nakita ko comment ni Hannah sabi nya “how about dubai”. Gusto ko syang katayin. Sabi ko pa kay Irene, “Subukan niya lang talagang puntahan si Hannah” galit na galit hahahaha. Akala mo naman may magagawa. Crazy.
Kami parin ng ex ko ng mga panahon na yan, were planning to get married pa nga. Pero, nauna akong mabuntis. Simula non, nakita ko naman na mukhang okay ka, were both starting a new chapter of our lives. Then, I gave birth. I thought of making all our friends as God parents including you. Hahahaha pero honestly hindi ako sure. So sinabihan ko si Krizia na sabihin sayo. Kaya nag pm ka na balita mo nga, ninong ka. Bakit di mo alam. Tapos tinatanggihan mo. Dont worry hindi valid. Humugot ako e, tapos binalik mo saken ung hugot. Only you can confirm kung joke nanaman. Pero kung pupusuan ko, ano? Nag move on ka? Saan? Kanino at Bakit?
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Ito yung pangatlong iyak, okay naman ako e. Tapos mayron sa feelings ko na kumakatok dahil connected ba to sa pangalawang iyak ko? Okay naman ako e, pero nagkocollapsed pag ikaw na. Grabe.
Since then, parent na ako eh. I am starting my own family but unfortunately, he just left me for someone new. Ayon, sakit sakit, pero eventually after a year of mourning for my pain naging okay naman na, wala na ako sa toxic na relasyon.
So whats the point of telling you all this right now? Yung feelings ko at lahat ng nangyare para sa aken, ay parang ibon na kinulong ko for so long.. I am finally letting it all out. I am not letting go, Sorry not totally. Hindi ko sinasabi na aasa ako or motibo to. Why? Kasi its beautiful. Sabi ko nga, just a thought of you makes me smile. Correction, makes us smile. Madaming kinilig sa one sided love ko sayo, at kinikilig padin kami ni Haze. TEam JamIEL Forevers banat nila. HAHAHA. Nakakaganda ng mood paano mo naman ilelet go nalang as in move on? Hindi. Bahala ka. Nakakabaliw. Iyak tawa ako dito. I trust na, you will respect this. Baka sabihin mo pa, anong drama to? pang MMK. Madami ko ng beses sinubukan gawin to. Sabi ko sa Tamang Panahon, pero hindi talaga ako sure kelan un dahil itoy lihim nga. Wala naman mawawala or ano man. Nasaan ka man ngayon, sana okay ka. If you are not so busy, and willing to give answers to my assumptions, I will know once mag pm ka or reply. Ang dami ko pang gustong sabihin or ishare sayo pero this will do. 
Thank you for your existence and a glimpse of you, Amiel.
Love,
Jam
PS, attached photo na eye glasses, ng time na yan, ganyan gamit nten, tig half, hahaha nag explain pa.
**Still now sure kung isesend ko to,
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Tig other half ng frame namen.
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forthelalaland · 7 years
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Ate Jessa 💗
I do not know how will I start this post. Actually having second thoughts if I should push through this or what. I feel pressured because I am posting something about my writer friend. Huhu, haha! I apologize for my amateur+ity. Pinapangunahan ko na kayo. Pero lablab kita, ate! Salamat sa araw na ‘to pati na rin sa susunod pa. 😂
I met this beautiful girl, Ate Jessamine, in my previous company. We were not in the same department but we are in one team. There are less than 20 people in the office, ewan ko lang kung mag-snoban pa kami. LOL! But my first impression? I see her as a rocker chic. With those full bangs and red plaid button downs, I feel like she was an anime person who jumped off the TV and came to life. Hahaha! As the days go by though, I get to know her better and realized she is more of a soft-hearted girl. Very different to my first impression! Hahaha! I am grateful that I met this ate of mine. Here is our story in the next paragraph. Chos! Hahahahaha.
Remember when I was assigned to be the van leader in our outing? In my first work, yup! Well... Ate Jessa belonged to my group. She was new then. Like just a week or two I guess? And this was the only time I, we, talked to her. Actually, that was the chance to make chikahan to each other because pure work in the office! The 36 hours with them totally made a big difference because I had different moments to each one of them. Oh, I miss my Eat Girls! Hello guys, Starbucks soon, please? Huehue. Also to my ates and kuyas! Huehuehue. So back to Ate Jessa! I do not know too but there was just a time where both of us bonded. In a click! Literally and figuratively. During our free time, we became partners because it is the two of us who love taking photos. We did it with the rest of the group pero mas kami, alam mo yun? She has an Olympus mirrorless cam and we take turns in taking pictures. At laaast, found a friend who can capture the way I want! Funny because she said that too. LOL! And you will know it is pure. Not using each other and just being happy with the output pictures. I love that it is not toxic. Wew, trust issues til now. Hahahu. So thanky G for letting us cross each other's life. Hahaha, hihi. Basta yun! That is the start of our friendship. Until it continued after the outing and still ongoing until now. :)
Since I am a curious person, I searched ate in the virtual world. I can't see her. But a fishy info appeared. Ayun, I asked her implicitly and investigated a little further. The next thing was just OMG! The info I saw is a post with her name with a quote. I had this agam-agam so I then asked, "Ate, nagsusulat ka ba?" She had no escape. Ate admitted it was her. Yuuuuuz, she is a Wattpad writer! Heavy 'di ba? I never knew my photographer in the beach was an icon! Amazeballs! It is a pleasure po. Hahahahaha. Wala lang! I just feel like telling it. Nakakaproud eh? She has published books and that is w-o-w 100%!!!!!
After almost three months, Ate Jessa and I saw each other again. Finally! The first plan with the group and the writers' convention became a drawing. This almost did too! But we made it. FO if not! I set my mind into it eh. Buryong-buryo na kaya ako sa bahay. Huehue. My September weekends are free because Dada is reviewing for boards while my parents are preparing for some stuff. I can choose to date myself if I want to but isn't happiness gets doubled when shared? So Ate Jessa's timing was just perfect. At least, I had something to look up at the end of the week. Felt like a human because of that excitement again. Srsly. Haha! So supposedly, we will see each other in Mega Mall. That will be our meeting place since I am scared to go to MOA alone. We are going there because an event for bookworms are happening that day. Plus! The most important thing: she is meeting her readers. Wooh, famous! Keri lang mag-PA sige. Hahahahaha! But then that morning, she was not replying. I thought she just slept in the van or so. Guess what though? I waited for five hours and my heart was starting to get sad. Huhu. I am right she overslept. Instead of going to MIBF, we just had our main plan: photoshoot at BGC! Grabe ang tagal ni ate! Yet all are worth it. I have nothing to say. Yahooooo!
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Ate and I met in the place already. I just read some synopsis of the books in the first floor since I was in Fullybooked. But before everything, huuuuug! I missed this redhead. Hihihi. Ate so qt when she told me that we must start our agenda agad-agad! Well, we did tho. Felt like nothing changed. And I like this feeling. Yasss! Ate Jessa loves wall arts. She did enjoy. I am glad with that feedback. What are our secret? We exchanged cameras so I shoot with hers and she shoots with mine. Ooh, buena mano! My first photoshoot ever with my baby. Hihihi. I was not that prepared for this because I was worried all day. I thought this will not happen. Also, I worked for my offset. I got few favorites to be used as my pre-makeover. Can't wait to let you guys see it!!!
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But you know, what I liked the most this day was our going to deep conversations. Dada arrived so it got cut. He needs to send me home since it was a little late already. Hehe. At last, Dada met the friend I have been boasting about. I am so proud of Ate Jessamine eh. Seems like they had a good impression to each other. Ate said Dada and I are cute. But his words are so super! Swerte mo may kaibigan kang ganyan na sumusuporta sa'yo. Yiee, she passed to be my friend from boyfie's view! Because some does not. Yup! Not kidding. LOL.
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I learned a lot today! First, not everything you plan happens the way you want to be. Cliché as it may sound but really, that is it. Because there will be other people who can bring that change in you. No man is an island! And, I am blessed I met the best people here in the universe! TYG! Hihihi. I also reflected that indeed, everything falls in accordance with God's will. Sometimes, no matter how disciplined you think you are, you have to accept that there are a lot of factors why you sometimes feel like a failure even if you give your best shot. I know that now. God wanted me to trust Him. He and His plans for me. Besides, G will always give it! Kahit kailan eh hindi niya ipagdaramot ang mga biyayang ito. Just need to wait, to practice patience, and to believe in Him. Yuh yuh, I will live now. Like, I will make my move and hope G and I are on the same page. If not? Izzokay! I will just pray for it until it comes true. I shall never waste my time here on earth worrying about nonsense things. Gotta live for real! Love life for real. Ohhh, thank you so much Lord! 💖
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kristinsimmons · 4 years
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Can the US health care system “pull an Italy?”
by MATTHEW HOLT
There has been a ton of analysis about COVID-19 and how bad it will get. Some like Joon Yun and Jeremy Faust say the panic is worse than the disease. Others have run the infection rate numbers and predicted that the US will run out of hospital capacity in early May and in Washington state much earlier (end of March).
But there’s no doubt that in the last week or so, sentiment has changed. This week I and 45,000 of my best friends are at home, not at HIMSS in Florida. Many big gatherings like SXSW, Comic-Con and Coachella have been cancelled. Most corporations that can are asking employees to work from home. Just this morning my local school district in California called off school plays and any gatherings with more than 100 people.
Part of this is the inevitable response to the ridiculous posing of Trump. He showed up at the CDC wearing a campaign hat and declared that he was a great doctor to be because his uncle as at MIT. The Director of the CDC and later the Surgeon-General made toadying remarks about how amazing he was. And neither Pence, Azar, Carson or anyone else allegedly in charge can give a straight answer to anything.
The nation has realized that there is no help or even basic honesty coming from the Federal government. This is after the CDC screwed up the creation of basic testing kits which put the US in a situation where it just can not know the extent of the outbreak. China denied the outbreak, then had to put Wuhan and much of their economy on lockdown. Iran may be in worse shape.
Meanwhile South Korea, Singapore and Taiwan have managed their outbreaks with very rapid testing, quarantining of those infected, and extremely rapid response. The US is still blundering around. Now the private sector is trying to step in as the Feds misstep again and again.
But a likely scenario is that many regions in the US will become like Northern Italy.
And the stories coming from there show what happens when the hospital system gets overwhelmed. Here is a thread from an ICU doctor. (I’ve featured a couple of tweets but read the whole thing).
2/ This is the English translation of a post of another ICU physician in Bergamo, Dr. Daniele Macchini. Read until the end "After much thought about whether and what to write about what is happening to us, I felt that silence was not responsible.
— Silvia Stringhini (@silviast9) March 9, 2020
11/ Cases are multiplying, we arrive at a rate of 15-20 admissions per day all for the same reason. The results of the swabs now come one after the other: positive, positive, positive. Suddenly the E.R. is collapsing.
— Silvia Stringhini (@silviast9) March 9, 2020
Now we have to imagine that coming here. The big question in my mind is, can the US system organize itself? The US is not China. We’re not going to be able to build new hospitals in a few days. But can we “pull an Italy”?
My huge concern is that we have very different systems. Italy has essentially a UK-style public health service. Organizationally, primary care in the community is run by independent doctors, but anyone needing specialty care is referred to specialists who are based in and work for hospitals. Note that despite having that terrible socialized medicine, Italy has more resources than we do, as ex-Harvard and now Brown Prof Ashish Jha pointed that out when tangling with a right wing idiot.
This is the "Italy's in trouble because they are have a national health system" nonsense To be clear: MDs per 1,000: Italy 4.0, USA 2.6 Hosp beds per 1,000: Italy 3.2, USA 2.8 The problem is surge of COVID19 has overwhelmed northern Italian hospitals This can happen here https://t.co/kp3IqxIbJu
— Ashish K. Jha (@ashishkjha) March 9, 2020
But think about what that means in Italy. Basically every medical resource and specialist in Italy is already in the hospitals. They already work for one organization. They have already mobilized by turning every available space and operating room into an ICU. And “there are no more surgeons, urologists, orthopedists, we are only doctors who suddenly become part of a single team”. Don’t forget that this single team is already all getting paid by one source and are basically all salaried.
One of 350 military field hospitals in use in Italy
Now think about the US. Hospitals don’t employ most of their doctors. Yes, the bigger ones have hospitalists and residents, and may contract with groups for emergency department doctors, radiologists and the like. But they are organized in a totally different way. Much of the capacity of the US system is in outpatient units such as ambulatory surgery centers and free standing urgent care centers and emergency departments.
Then there is the biggest bugaboo of the American system. Who gets paid how and who does what? Most American physicians are paid directly fee for service or working for an organization that does. They make their living stamping out medical widgets (office visits, surgeries, procedures, reading images), and they in general do it for an organization that is not a hospital. The Italian scenario would require that a huge proportion of physicians and other health professionals are going to have to change on a dime. They are going to have to go suspend their daily activities, go back into hospitals or other temporary centers, treat patients with a disease that they’ve never seen, look after themselves, and their families. And they will need to do all this without knowing how or perhaps whether they will get paid.
There’s been a lot of chatter about whether we can delay the onslaught of COVID-19 cases to enable hospital capacity to cope, and the “flattening the curve” chart has popped up frequently.
My question is, if we end up in that red zone where Italy is now and need to allocate all our resources in a similar way, who is in charge of the American health care system who can make that happen?
My fear is that the answer is no one.
Matthew Holt is the Publisher of THCB
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