#fit was so baffled he just left it it was so funny

[chamoemileclown]

Never separate a girl from her Miku shrine

[kneelingshadowsalome]

I am so in to König and the confident solder lady (btw we need a tag name or a callsign for her, maybe a poll?) but anyway I go insane for that dynamic!❤️‍🔥 I am on FIRE after I read your stories and it's NEVER enough 😭🤣

so I imagined this scenario about them

They are out on a mission to capture someone. When König finds the target the lady solder, still under the effect of how brutal and efficient König is with his hands disposing of the enemies, says to him:

L - Bag n tag me...I mean HIM

K - *looks at lady solder while filthy thoughts run through his mind*

now both of their minds are in the gutter...as well as mine, but mine never left😈

Confident soldier lady is so unhinged even König is at a loss sometimes 🤨 And our soldier babe? She gets off on those baffled, bewildered looks a little too much (shame on her).

One day when they're cuddling, sweaty and spent after another heated session that was supposed to put her in her place – how curious that it does actually work, even if only for like 5 minutes – she crosses another line.

"König… Could you kidnap me sometime? You know, in a roleplay fashion," she asks while drawing circles on that godly, muscled, sweaty chest.

The said godly muscled sweaty chest almost stops breathing.

"Kidnap you?" König repeats, appalled and with pure loathing in his voice. "I hate kidnappers... And I hate slavery."

She nearly rises to give him a pointed remark about how funny it is that he hates that shit when at the same time, doesn't have a problem with treating her like a possession. But calling a man like König out on his double standards would be futile, so she settles for seething with quiet resentment while curled up there in his arms.

Right.

Yeah… Of course this guy wouldn't know what roleplay even means.

..........

Next week she's walking back to the bus after visiting a sibling, a bit anxious about getting back to base and seeing König again. She still has over a week's worth of leave left, but she wants to go back to spend it with him.

It's sick... Everything about this relationship is sick, twisted, and crazy. She’s always running back to him like a cat who hears her owner has opened another canned tuna in oil. She's so in her thoughts about how to torture that jerk in return that she doesn't quite notice a white van pulling over right next to her.

He barely fits inside the cargo space with her, almost folds her in half while ducking and stepping inside. The car groans under the weight, slants slightly to the side, and she starts to panic and squirm from realizing this is actually happening.

Next thing she knows, she's being picked up from behind like she weighs nothing. A large palm lands over her mouth the minute she’s about to scream – she makes a tiny little noise through her nose but the palm moves to cover that as well.

The street is silent, it's a lazy afternoon in the suburbs, everyone is at work and children are at school, and no one can hear or see how some psycho hauls her inside that van.

"Shh. Stop fighting," a familiar voice bleeds into her ears, muffled and warm.

It can't be…

But then again, didn't she just make a wish upon a psycho star?

He notices she has stopped fighting, just like he ordered her to. He feels how she surrenders to a far stronger beast – just like she's supposed to. And then he purrs.

"Das ist eher so… Be good now. Be a good girl."

Yep...

No one speaks German like that. No one calls her a gut girl like that.

The palm leaves her mouth, and she's being lowered gently on the floor of the van. She turns to look at her captor with both hope and dread pounding inside her chest.

"König…?"

It's pointless to utter that name when the man before her is exactly his size and build, moves like him, has those same cold, blue eyes that gain a warmer tone every time they land on her. The only thing that makes her take a double check is that he's not wearing a hood this time but a black balaclava. Oddly enough, it makes him look a bit more human. She can see the shape of his jaw, the perch of his nose, usually disguised by the baggy sniper hood he's so fond of...

But what the new mask also does is that it makes him look even more menacing: he looks like some of those terrorists they've always fought against. He looks like the biggest bank robber ever put to this earth, he looks like he's about to shoot dozens of innocent citizens and then kidnap someone to take as his prize and drag them into his rape lair.

The notion should not make her squeal like she's looking forward to being that person…

"You're mine now," he looks down at her, lying at his feet like a stray cat about to be taken back home, then turns to walk out of the van. By the time he slams the doors shut, she's smiling – she might be in need of some serious help, but she can't deny König is at his best when he comes out to play.

….....

His house is surprisingly neat, albeit it is no doubt also a man cave for a soldier who rarely spends time at home.

She’s not carried into a cold lair or a secret dungeon underneath the house. No, she gets to stay in his bedroom, on a soft, king-sized bed. He "forces" her cook for him, and praises her meals like they’re some sort of gourmet dishes. It lights a little flame inside her chest, a fire that doesn’t burn but only feels warm. She starts to tidy his place on her own accord.

It's cute, and it's fun, their little kidnap game.

It’s also kind of entertaining to play house with König like this, especially when her "kidnapper" comes to her every night and takes her gently but intensely, with a passion that renders her silent.

It starts to resemble the most domestic little scene until after one week, she snaps out of it.

She doesn't fight back at all.

He calls her his, asks if she has everything she needs as they lay together on his ridiculously large and nice bed. She doesn’t miss her hard army bunk one bit.

She snaps out of it because he brings her a dress.

She fucking hates dresses.

Well, perhaps she doesn’t hate them... but she hates the particular dress he bought her. It's white and has flowers on it – yuck – is she supposed to cook him a nice, healthy meal while wearing that? Let him lift the hem and take her against a counter whenever he wants? Does he think she’s just going to open her legs for him every night after serving him like a docile, doting little wife?

That night, she fights like a wildcat when he comes to her. She enjoys the way he's panting by the time she finally surrenders to him. He sounds like a dog in heat, he's grunting like a man who has one job too many, trying to restrain his little alley cat so that he can push that heavenly cock inside her. She's dripping wet by the time he gets there, looking up at her captor with lightning and thunder in her eyes.

"What's gone into you now, meine Wildkatze?"

"That stupid dress, that's what's gone into me," she hisses as he tries to be gentle again – she suddenly hates it that he's gentle.

"You'd look good in it," he tries, and she almost spits on his face. Her heart hurts for some unfathomable reason, her lower lip juts out with a furious pout.

"Well you'd look good in rags…!"

And just when she thinks he couldn't make it worse… he makes it worse.

He just laughs. Gently, and heartily.

"Is that the best you can do, little one?"

"You'd make such a good wife..."

The only thing she can do is gasp for air as he makes love to her, as those eyes hold her captive gently, so gently – has he become so gentle just because she cooked him for a week and cleaned up his stupid man cave?

Did he kidnap her just because he realized that would be the perfect way to trick her and transform her into a good little housewife?

Good god...

"If you don't set me free tomorrow, I swear I'll… I'll run away!"

She’s the one panting now, and her threat has little effect save for the hauntingly familiar flash of dare that makes those blue eyes look brighter for a second.

"That's what cats do sooner or later," her King tilts his head – the cock inside her gives a demanding pulse, and she has to fight the urge to moan.

"…but they always return home."

[karmarox]

Fallen Gods and the Curse of the Crowns

Wanted to share an idea/headcanon I had about the Follower Bishops. This is based off of how they are when they first arrive at the Cult + their traits, expanding and adding more lore/story potential around the idea.

Essentially, the now Mortal Bishops all have a curse placed on them due to how they used their crowns, and then being separated from them after being connected to them for so long.

Leshy Curse of Chaos: Has random sudden fits of "Bad Luck" where he gets struck by misfortune. -It's not actually that debilitating, he never was a particularly strong Bishop and left Darkwood to its own chaotic devices most of the time. -Most of the time it manifests as just a weird string of chaotic and perfectly timed happenstance that leads to him being inconvenienced or put in a compromising position or tossed around like a ragdoll. -The rest of the Cult can only watch baffled whenever things just seem to randomly go wrong around Leshy in impossible, bizarre ways. (He finds it kinda funny, honestly)

Heket Curse of Famine: Has random, unpredictable bouts of extreme hunger pangs. -They can happen at any time, even immediately after already eating to the point of fullness or in the middle of the night while she's sleeping. -If she doesn't eat to stave off these pangs she could very well collapse. (And has multiple times due to being too prideful to let the Lamb or the other Followers help her, at first) -Takes to always carrying food and snacks on her as a result. -The Lamb gave her a key to the food stores and free access to the kitchen because of her condition. She hates them for "pitying" and "mocking" her. -Gets extremely uppity if people waste food. Maybe that's why she hasn't actually sabotaged the food stores even though she states she definitely could and the Lamb is a fool for giving her easy access.

Kallamar Curse of Pestilence: Very poor health. Frail, gets tired easily on most days, and prone to fever and illness. -Pretty much constantly in danger of catching a cold, fever, migraines, or whatever illness is floating around the area at the time. -It doesn't help that he doesn't particularly sleep well and also strives to push himself to get into the Lamb's good graces. -Frequent visitor to the Healing Bay because of it. -In actuality, he's the first to notice how all of the Former Bishops have strange ailments and occurrences surrounding them that are rather coincidentally related to their former domains. -Theorizes that they've all been cursed due to their abuse of the crowns, since all of their afflictions are related to how they usually treated mortals they didn't like (he especially is aware of how prone he was to taking his frustrations out on his followers by throwing sicknesses around without a care), and the Curse's power seems to scale with the former Bishop's, from only mildly inconveniencing and amusing Leshy to being horribly debilitating for Kallamar and Shamura.

Shamura Curse of War: Enters sudden fits of rage and hostility, lashing out at anyone around them no matter who it is. -These fits seem to always happen whenever Shamura is having a better, more lucid day. -They're almost perfectly timed to ruin the moment. Is Shamura in a good mood? Are they recovering more memories than usual? Are they bonding or trying to reconcile with their siblings? Are they actually befriending the other Followers? Suddenly they see red, and by the time they're lucid again whatever they had is poisoned and gone. -For some reason, this particular Curse seems have a strange effect on the Lamb. Whenever they get close to each other or have any sort of insightful conversation, it seems like instead of Shamura being hit by a bout of rage, they'll inevitably end up saying the wrong thing that will send the Lamb into a rage instead. Not even the Lamb knows why being around Shamura makes them so much easier to upset. -They end up becoming rather reclusive after realizing how they always seem to sabotage themselves and any bond they try to have, old or new. Not to mention horribly depressed. They even avoid the other Bishops whenever they feel particularly lucid.

[simpforfictionalcharacters1]

Baking dissaster

T4T wolfstar smut: oral, strap

It was a lazy day Sirius and Remus took the day off. And Sirius got the brilliant idea to bake a cake. “Sirius that’s not how you’re supposed to mix it you’re using the wrong spell.” Remus said with a sigh. “My dear moony that way it’s going way faster and we’ll finish faster!” Sirius answered with a big smile on his face. Remus shook his face in response already seeing the disaster coming from miles away. “See told you, the batter looks all good and we’re already done!” Sirius showed the bowl. “Then why is it bubbling padfoot?” Remus answered already moving away. “I’m not sure what you’re saying it looks good to m-.” Before the full sentence has even left his lips the batter exploted all over his face, some even getting in Remus’ hair. “I told you!” Remus said annoyed but then he saw Sirius’ face. The batter dripped down like his face was melting off. Remus bursted out laughing. “Moony that is not funny my poor face!” He said baffled. “I told you drama queen come on let’s just take a shower, it’s fine.” Sirius still murmured as Moony took his arm to go to the bathroom.

“Here.” Remus said as he wiped more batter off Sirius’ face. “I’m sorry I wanted to do something nice.” He said as he got under the spray. “I know love but hey at least the batter just got on your face and my hair.” Remus answered with a chuckle. Sirius teasingly nipped at his side. “Hey no!” Remus said with a chuckle. “Will you wash my back for me? Then I’ll wash the batter out of your hair.” Sirius asked as he batted his eyelash. Remus nodded rolling his eyes. He put the lavender soap in his hands and lathered Sirius’ back. Sirius moaned at the touch of Remus’ hands over his back. Remus chuckled. When he was done he planted a small kiss on his shoulder. “Buck down for me a bit.” Sirius asked as he put the shampoo in Remus’ hair, getting all the batter out. When he was done he stared at Remus. “What?” Remus asked. Sirius slowly sank to his knees. “Oh fuck.” Remus let out. “I haven’t even done anything.” Sirius chuckled. “Just seeing you on your knees is just.” Remus responded. Sirius slowly rubbed his finger over the aching spot. Remus groaned at the touch. Sirius got closer and licked slowly. He loved when Remus got all wild for him it made him confident. He placed his hands over Remus’ thighs and licked faster. Filthy sounds and words came from Remus’s mouth. Sirius made eye contact and saw the lust in his eyes. He grinned and sucked harder as he squeezed Remus’s thighs. “Oh fuck!” Remus moaned. “You like that?” Sirius asked teasing. “Fuck yeah.” He answered as he moved his hand in Sirius’s hair. “I’m going to make you come so hard.” Sirius just hummed in response. The taste of moony on his tongue got him dripping. He kept sucking and licking. Flicking his tongue all the right ways. “Oh Sirius!” Remus said as his orgasm hit him. Sirius grinned as he got up. Remus kissed him passionately. Sirius hummed against his lips. “I’m not done with you yet.” Remus whispered in his ear.

They dried off as fast as they could. Their hair was still wet but they couldn’t be bothered. “Bed now!” Remus ordered. Sirius did as he was told watching as Remus got something out of the dresser and also got a good view of his ass. He bit his lip. Remus put some lube, a strap and a harness on the bed. “Can we use it?” Remus asked. Sirius nodded excitement bubbling inside him. Remus grinned. He put some lube inside the strap so it feels nice as it fits perfectly over him. As he got all harnessed up Sirius waited impatiently on the bed. He tugged on the strap as Remus got done. Remus groaned. “Hmm so it works then?” Sirius said grinning. “Bastard.” Remus answered as he kissed Sirius. Sirius threw his hands around Remus’ neck deepening the kiss. Remus kissed his neck and collarbone as Sirius whined. Remus lowered himself grinning at Sirius’ desperate face. He licked slowly feeling the wetness hit his tongue. Sirius moaned. He flicked his tongue up and down. Sirius tugged on Remus’ hair. Remus groaned and started sucking. Sirius moaned louder. “Fuck moony!” Remus grinned and kept on licking and sucking. “More! Moony please!” Sirius whined. “Desperate are we?” Remus said as he looked up. “Please just fuck me!” Sirius whined again. Remus got up and lowered himself to Sirius as he kissed him. “I will go slowly first okay?” Sirius nodded. Remus slowly entered inside. Sirius moaned. “That good?” “Fuck yes!” Sirius breathed. Remus slowly went in and out. He moaned too finally feeling what it was like. Sirius took Remus’ face in his hands and kissed him desperately. “I love you” “I love you too” Remus answered as he picked up the paste. “Fuck!” Sirius moaned out. Remus kept kissing him as he kept trusting in and out. Remus also moaned. “Let me ride you.” Sirius breathed. Remus rolled over as Sirius got on top and lowered himself. “Fuck that’s hot.” Remus said as Sirius bounced up and down. “Ahh! Fuck Sirius I’m not going to last long!” “Me neither!” Sirius answered. He bounced up and down a few more times when both their orgasms hit. Sirius collapsed on Remus out of breath. “I’m never letting you bake again.” Remus said. “Well if it ends like this.” Sirius answered. Remus just chuckled and kissed Sirius’ forehead.

[pub-lius]

Tell me your favorite fact about John Laurens and another fun fact about anyone of your choosing. <3 /p

oh man my FAVORITE?? hm. im pretty sure any of my favorite facts aren’t necessarily FUN but i will tell you my favorite laurens story since i think everyone should know about it

so towards the end of the war (1780 or something i can’t remember dates) he was chosen to serve a diplomatic role in france (again i forgot what it was) but his mission was pretty much just to get uniforms and more troops sent from france to the US. during this time he kinda had beef with benjamin franklin bc franklin’s whole thing was very gentle diplomacy since yk he’s working with aristocrats.

laurens, however, was an asshole. he kept causing problems and not doing things the way franklin wanted him to and this kept developing as he got more and more pissed with the french. eventually, some dumbass got him an appointment to present his petition to the king and his ministers. usual protocol was that you walk in, bow to the king, and present your papers to one of the ministers, and leave.

laurens didn’t want to do that. he presented his case DIRECTLY to the king, and- allegedly- drew his sword and said something along the lines of “if you don’t help us now, we’ll go to war later”. king louis was like 😀 like mf wasnt even mad he was just shocked. so he just. handed the papers off to one of the ministers and went about his day, while laurens stormed off and threw a hissy fit. he technically got his requests approved, but he didn’t organize it properly and left it in the hands of an incompetent person so it was a fucking mess. he didn’t want the job so like that was to be expected.

okay, as for the other fun fact, im going to retell a story about hamilton that one of my instagram mutuals told me, so i dont have sources for this one but i think its funny

so hamilton had a friend staying over at his house bc he started feeling sick after dinner and so he yk just stayed the night bc he didn’t wanna make the ride home. so he was sleeping in one of hamilton’s bedrooms and then like hamilton walks in, TUCKS HIM IN, and is like “gn little judge [the friend was a judge] what would we do without you 🥰” and just left him baffled

idk how true this is at all but i think the idea that hamilton’s sense of humor was talking to young children like adults (thats from a letter) and talking to adults like children. if anyone knows about that story, pls reblog with the dudes name if you have it bc idk it 😭

anyway ty for the ask!!! i enjoyed it :)

[cheesewithasideofcheese]

Wrong Time, Right Place

Sindri x gn!modern!reader

I don’t got much of an excuse this time but I’ve just been so stumped on what to write. I’ve been putting off the pt.2’s of my other fics because I never like how to go about Sindri’s personality. Y’all have been so nice and kind, I never expected attention to be brought to my fics so seeing the overwhelming positivity is really nice. Anyways come get y’all’s juice. I made it long as balls cause I felt bad and I couldn’t handle myself.

Reader is from our time and just sorta accidentally fell into there’s, readers also mentioned to be tall at a couple points because I think the height difference is cute, Sindri is anxious and ocd coded, and Brok is himself. Some bending of canon but only in the beginning. Reader is also an Olive Garden employee when they were in the precent because I find it funny. Threw some angst in there cause I thought it fit and I couldn’t help myself.

Reader: white, Freya: pink, Hildsvini: orange, Kratos: red, Atreus: purple, Brok: blue, Sindri: green.

Falling into a new world is disorienting is unfortunate and it’s even more unfortunate that the new world is full of monsters and angry gods

It was like a flash when you were getting out of your car to walk into work to falling into a lush forest. You were convinced you smoked some bad weed even though you never touched it in your life.

A bush broke your fall and you just kinda laid there, you weren’t injured miraculously, you were just in shock. Thinking you were hallucinating you just sat there for a minute cause I’d be awkward if your were still in that parking lot.

After 10 minutes of calming your heart and trying to distinguish whether this were really or not, you heard a loud roar to the left of you and the pitter-patter of small feet to the right. Wanting to deal with neither of these things you concealed yourself more within the bush. What you didn’t expect was a type of boar creature that must have reached bellow your knee cap in height. It looked around like it was searching for something until it trotted away, seeming to not find what it was looking for.

You let out a heavy sigh you peaked your head out to make sure the coast was clear until you sat back on your butt but collided with something that didn’t seem to be there. I don’t remember a tree being behind me you thought that was cut short by loud snorts near your ear.

Letting out a loud scream, you rocketed forward at the sight of the boar. Having prior knowledge of boars from your home world you knew that they were mean motherfuckers. Even in face of your load scream the boar just observed you and kept its distance again. You two of you just stayed like that, not wanting show any weakness though you two had different reasons.

The both of them changed their goal once they heard the roar of whatever terrifying monster was close by come closer

What baffles you next was that the boar had turned into a… man. Impatient the man hauled you by the arm and took off running with you. When it seemed you both were in relative safety, he introduced himself as Hildsvini and asked me who you associate with. He didn’t really understand who Olive Garden.

“Olive Garden? I’m sorry but I don’t know that company. Are they a mercenary group.”

“No it’s a place you eat at, it’s like the 5 star restaurant for rural towns cause there ain’t anywhere else to go.”

“Restaurant? That’s not what I meant-“

“You should try their lasagna, put you in a coma.”

“What the fuck is a lasagna.”

That interact took way longer than it should have but you still haven’t completely come to turns that you had transported to a different time and place.

You two begrudgingly stopped bickering when I a brown haired women had a approached you two with apprehension. She ask Hildsvini who you were while inspecting you and your strange attire. He told her that you were the one that was at the site of the explosion. This confused you cause when you were hiding in the bush the surrounding area around you looked completely unaffected and unsinged. You contemplated telling them that but decided against it cause you were not about to go out all out on your own after they left to go look after the true person of their findings.

With this peice of information she grabbed you and pulled you with her to you presume her home. There was a huge monster in the front of her house that scared you shitless and almost took off running back to your bush but the women had such a strong hold on you, you doubted she’d let you got a foot in a direction she didn’t want.

Finally entering her house that was decreased with herbs and cloths, it was very comforting and it almost made you forget that you had exploded into this world. Realization made your heart beat faster and your blood to run cold.

“I DIED! OH MY GOD I DIED! I PROBABLY GOT RUN OVER BY SOME CAR! IS THIS PUNISHMENT FOR COMPLAINING ABOUT MY SHIFT!”

The woman jumped back in surprise and her face contorted in question. Hildsvini popped his head in cause he couldn’t help himself from being nosy.

“I assure you that you are not dead, I only brought you here to check if you for any injures but you seem completely unscathed.”

Her reasoning only caused you little comfort but you decided to just spiraling in your head so she can at least finish your checkup. After she seem be satisfied she spoke up.

“I also want to talk to you about how you got her. This forest doesn’t let anyone in it and it tells me when anyone enters its bounds. How did you get past both me and the forests security.”

“I don’t know. I know that doesn’t sound credible but i just… fell here. I was just locking my car and I didn’t intend to end up here. If I have caused trouble for you than I’m very sorry… uh…”

“Freya.”

“Yes Freya, I’m sorry and I’ll leave but I’ll probably get killed in a solid three secs max so I’m kinda drawing this out.”

“I can predict that with your lack of weapon and weird garb.”

“If it makes you feel better I dont like it either.”

Looking down at at your Olive Garden uniform of just a black dress shirt and pants, you find them cakes in mud that was know drying from being in the heat of Freyas heart. A chuckle resonates in the women before she talked again.

“Well that can’t do you could change in a spare, you do seem to be close to my size anyways.”

“NO, that would be rude of me!”

“Oh hush. If it makes you feel better I’ll give you the cloths I hate the most.”

“Fine.”

You said with a pout watching as she walked towards her closet and scanned the contents. She grabbed what she deemed necessary and stared at it for a moment. From your position what she was holding was quite beautiful, you couldn’t comprehend why she would get rid of it. Little did you know that it wasn’t that she didn’t like how it looked but rather the memories attached to it. With the flick of her wrists and a mumble under her breath the cloths were sent at you which in response you screamed and dodged the cloths.

“What has got you in a twist!”

She yelled as you flicked between her and the cloths.

“What did you just do! Was that magic?! That’s impossible!”

“Did the place you used to live not have anything resembling magic or runes?!”

“No magic, yes runes but the runes never never did anything like I’ve seen here!”

She stood in place with a look of contemplation.

“Get dressed. I need help with some herbs, I’ll need to teach you some things. You’ll have to stay here for a while… not like you can get out anyways, the elk will take you out somehow before you even reach the edge of the forest.”

Her words made your jaw drop and made you a little giddy. Before you could say anything Hildsvini fully entered the room.

“Lady Freya, I don’t believe it is wise that you-“

His mouth closed when she raised a hand.

“I don’t believe we have anything to worry about, they are the equivalent of a baby bird without the ability. They will pose no harm.”

“But my queen what if this is a ruse and Odin-“

“Do not speak of him in the company of me and my guest.”

Hildsvini let out a sigh and bowed but before leaving he shot you the death glare that almost pit you in the grave. A silence between you and Freya permitted for a couple seconds.

“What are you waiting for, we have much to do.”

You grabbed the cloths and accepted your journey as Freyas apprentice from that point onwards.

After a couple weeks you had showed no ability to create any form of magic but surprisingly you were a prodigy at herbs and medicine. This revelation reassured you that you weren’t too much of a burden to her so you decided to abandon magic and fully focus on medicine and herbs.

Hildsvini learned to warm up to you after you helped a fatal wound of his which was followed by an apology.

Years past hearing about the realms caused an insatiable urge to go explore the lands, you even learned how to swing a sword but it didn’t seem enough cause when ever you stepped past the forests edge some huge fucking monster just appears. It almost seemed comical each time you tried, stealing out an area for weeks to get some semblance of a routine with the local beasts but it is never fruitful. This made you hole up in Freyas house for years but it seemed she loved the company.

You two had grown so close that she’d tell you about her son , Baldur, and all the happy memories they had in Aesir while omitting why she doesn’t see him anymore. She’d eventually tell you about Odin and her marriage, how it seemed so happy until she found out that he was only using her to become immortal. She’d tell you about her time being a Valkyrie, her fellow sisters, and how they turned mad because of Odins influence.

Years later when the incident came where he became stuck in his boar form, you and Freya advised for for him to stay near the house but all you two got was an annoyed huff while he waddled away.

You two were oblivious to him being hunted by a young boy and the god killer until the forest called to Freya cause if you two to rush out to look for him. The name the forest gave him was concerning but you couldn’t just leave your friend to die.

You found the boy and man looming over the boar. Seeing the size of the man alone made the hand holding your weapon faulted. You weren’t surprised when Freya rushed to Hildsvini, inspecting his wound while ignoring the two. You could tell she was peeved but pushed it down for the sake of Hildsvini. Making the man carry him to Freyas abode while you rushed in grabbing the necessary herbs and treating Hildsvini as fast as you could but you were missing Lambs Crest so you yelled at the man to go pick some out in the back.

He did not take that nicely and stood firmly in his spot. Freya had to basically push him out to get to picking. Freya and the man you know knew as Kratos were conversing as you stitches your friend up. The little boy, Atreus, stood over you in wonder and spouted questions the moment it looked like you were done.

Is he going to be okay? Why are you help just some boar? Why are you living in the forest? What did you close his wound with? Why Lambs Crest? Have you lived here all your life? What’s with the weird accent? Can you talk to animals too? You answered all his questions with awkward enthusiasm, I mean this was the first new person you’ve seen in years, it was one of the reasons you wanted to leave the forest in the first place.

When you thought Atreus was satisfied with your answers new questions left his mouth with more vigor but was cut off by his father with a look of annoyance.

As the two were leaving to continue their quest an idea popped in your head.

“Let me join.”

“No.”

“Please, I’m decent with a sword and I don’t think your child is a good medic.”

Kratos paused for a second but before he could shoot you down again Freya piped up.

“That’s a wonderful idea. Having a healer on hand will be an advantage on your adventure.”

“Father, we should. You are pretty amateur at herbs.”

He gave a pointed glare at Atreus for the jab but eventually gave in.

“Fine but the moment you became a burden rather than useful I’m throwing you to the wolves.”

“Ok I won’t!”

You yell while running to your corner of Freyas house and shoving essentials into your nap sack.

That’s how your journey started, traveling from realm to realm with the duo.

Kratos still didn’t try to call you by your name. On the other hand you and Atreus became pseudo-siblings and teacher. You thought him what you could remember from public school but you kinda lost him a graphs so that seemed like a good place to stop. You taught him the basics of chemistry and physics even though he didn’t understand half the words you said. You were also his emotional pillar.

You had met many people on your journey, some assholes and others only slightly but the two that stuck out the most was the Huldra Brothers. Brok was boisterous while Sindri was soft and awkward.

When you met Sindri at his little workshop when he was still estranged from his brother, he seemed to be very… rigid when you tried to introduce yourself. It wasn’t the greatest impression of him but you thought he was cute either way.

As your journey continues to search for the highest peak to release Atreus’s mother and Kratos’s late wife, you became best friends with Brok and would stay at his little stand-in workshops. Your personality’s clashed perfectly, it was a breathe of fresh air because you constantly felt like you were being criticized by Kratos for every step you took. You’d laugh and exchange stories, Brok didn’t understand most of them but that didn’t stop him from giving his two cents.

“Now I don’t know whatever the fuck an ‘IcE mAkEr’ is but your manager sounds like a massive bitch.”

“I mean it doesn’t really matter now cause I most likely won’t be going back.”

“…. You don’t plan on heading back? Or at least trying to find a way back?”

“No, it honestly feels like this is my home. Maybe that’s why I got transported here. Maybe not. Who can tell.”

Wanting to change the subject you looked around the shabby workshop. Your eyes landed on a hammer that looked suspiciously familiar.

“Is that Sindri’s hammer?”

“Huh.”

Brok turned and let an exasperated groan.

“The fucking since left his stupid hammer when he ran off.”

“Ran off?”

Brok turned around and just kinda stood there with a grimace on his face.

“Uh yeah. Bears are vicious, good thing we can teleport.”

“Bears arnt local to this area.”

“Memory must have slipped cause it was a… uh… raider. Yeah, raider.”

“Raiders are in Midgard.”

“STOP ASKING QUESTIONS! BY THE GODS I DONT REMEMBER MURDERING ANYONE AND SINCE I HAVEN’T I SHOULDN’T BE INVESTIGATED LIKE THIS!”

“Fine! Just stop shouting!”

Brok went back to fiddling with a bow for.

“He saw you.”

“What?”

“I’m not repeating myself so you either turn back time and hear it or live on without it.”

Conveniently Kratos and Atreus approached looking worse for wear.

“Baldur?”

“Yes.”

“What a nuisance.”

As the altitudes got higher the less you saw of Brok and the more Sindri appeared. The thinner the air the more confident Sindri got, not to your knowledge because he seemed to act like the same cute awkward dwarf.

On those mountains is where you two truly met. He’d watch as you’d talk with conviction about something that you miss from your home. You’d watch as he rambled about his latest smithing project. He’d let you visit his and Broks house in the realm between realms. You’d show him cracked phone and open it just to see his face on the inter workings of it.

The death of Baldur caused Freya to seek vengeance on Kratos, Atreus, and you. She banished you from the forest you had lived in for years and that the next time she sees you that she’ll put you in the ground. It was hard because she was not only your mentor but also a mother figure that you could praise for hours. But even though it hurt you shoved it down until the ashes were scattered in the wind at the highest peak in the realms.

Kratos and Atreus hid back in Midgard in a forest next to the forest you had been banished from which made it hard to accept their offer to join them. You had no other option and it was the safest because of the protective seal that hid you guys from Freya, raiders, and hel-walkers. It was a period of peace that you did not expect to experience with the two.

When the guilt had become to great you turned to Sindri for support because Kratos would tell you to suck it up, Atreus is a child, and Brok would probably make a sex joke while you were breaking down.

Sindri was honored but he didn’t know if he was the best option, he learned that you were a very touchy. Due to certain events in his life, he is very adverse to touch. So he thought and thought until he came up an idea. It had taken him weeks with his perfectionist behavior and his avid avoiding of Broks help because that would only make it easier to tease him. Brok would refer you as ‘his little crush’ when alone with Sindri and it would drive him up the walls because what if you heard. When he was finally finished he put the treasure in a box and waited for the right time to give it to you. Which came when you were both taking cover from fimbulwinter.

“I think this will do.”

You stated as your teeth chattered. The fire you had started in the cave was barely a an inch or two in height but it was better than nothin.

“You know you’d think we’d prepared for stuff like this to happen.”

He sat right across from you while setting down his bag of everything as you liked to call it. He had been carrying it around more often recently. A silence stretches on for some minutes. This isn’t uncommon, you two enjoyed each others company even if you were just sitting next to each other without a word, it’s comforting.

“Hey, why have you been hauling around that bag for weeks.”

You gave the bag a tittle nudge with your foot. You see his face drop and the hand around the handle of the bag tighten.

“Stupid question. Don’t answ-“

“Actually I’ve been meaning to give you something.”

You lighten up and watch as Sindri searches through the bag until he uncovers a wrapped long triangle box. Sindri is sweating bullets and simply wants to evaporate. He worked so hard trying to supper what would make you happy through vague questions he’s been asking you the last month. He watch’s as you open the box. In the box is a sword. A sword(just think of a really cool sword you’d like cause I couldn’t think of anything 😅) that was so beautiful you almost fumbled the box out of your hands in shock, it looked like it was made for a god. What stood out was the ribbon wrapped around the hilt with a medal medallion hanging from it. Taking a closer look at it, you see that it had the forest you use to reside in with varies runes and wording around the circle edge. You caressed every groove in the medal in astonishment.

“You’ve been so sad after what happened with Freya I just thought that since I don’t know how to comfort people properly it would be nice as a reminder of your home. You don’t have to like it! I can-“

He stopped when he heard a silent sob rip through the air. Was it really that bad? What he didn’t expect was for you to jump on him in a hug. You sobbed into his chest while he awkwardly ran through his hands through your hair.

“I love it so much! No one’s ever given me something so beautiful and thoughtful. You even put my favorite animal!”

“Oh please it’s the least I could do for a… a friend.”

Although his tone sounded disappointed you hugged him harder and got up with him in tow.

“Sorry for touching you there. Kinda had a moment there.”

“It’s alright and do you want to know something?”

“What?”

“That was the first time my skin didn’t crawl when someones touched me.”

Your face flushed while a smile stretched across your face.

“I’m so honored.”

Sindri let out an airy chuckle as you grab the sword out of the box and unwrapped the medallion from the hilt. You gave it another look over, admiring its beauty, but then you noticed the words engraved on the back. You hadn’t gotten far on your alphabet but you could make out some words such as: love, forest, family, healer, and heart.

“What this say?”

You push the medallion towards him and upon realizing what you want him to read, his face became flushed and he started rambling again.

“Oh you know just a thank you and how you’ve been an amazing friend.”

The word on his tongue felt gross and unfamiliar even though it was the most appropriate for the situation. I mean you can only spring so much on someone before they shut down! Springing both the gift and a confession would be insensitive. He knew you couldn’t read it and planned to just wait for you to learn more to figure it out eventually. What he wouldn’t guess was that when you would leave the cave to go back home you would ask Mimir to translate it for you.

When you figure out what was engraved on the back you kinda just… shut off(see he was right). I mean it was kinda obvious in hindsight but had he been pinning after all these years. Maybe he became more confident to give this to you because he noticed that you had been pinning back(he hadn’t). If that’s what he planned than why would he say it was a ‘thank you’ for being ‘friends’. Brok must have told him cause how would he know or are you that obvious(he didn’t and was watching both of you be idiots while treating it like a show).

Eventually you made up your mind to confront him, before your conviction burned out you headed towards the portal door but was stopped by Atreus.

He asked you to go hunting with him and Sindri. Sindri stepped out from behind the boy with a sheepish smile.

“No.”

“What do you mean ‘No’! I thought you loved hunting.”

“Yeah come on it’ll be fun. You’ll get to test out that new sword I made ya!”

“You got a new sword! Why didn’t you show me!”

“Guys I’m just not feeling the best. Must have eaten something bad but tell me how it went when you come back.”

“I thought you were going to the portal?”

“Just need a walk and it’s pretty to look at.”

“Fine.”

“We’ll be back in a couple hours!”

Oh god you knew and Sindri was fucked. How could he miscalculate so hard, the literal EX-ADVISOR of ODIN lived with them who couldn’t stop talking for the life of him. He felt like he was gonna throw up the whole hunt and had to head back to portal in front of the four of y’all’s ‘house’.

Before he could even got out his stone he felt a hand on his should but he didn’t shudder, it was like his body knew it was you before his mind did.

“Hey could we talk… alone.”

He almost threw up all over you in that moment. This was a nightmare that didn’t seem to end

“Sure.”

You pulled him into through the snow before stopping at the edge of a lake that you two frequented.

You two sat at the end of the dock on the lake that is now frozen over. It was silent but not how it is usually, this was tense.

“So how’d the hunt go?”

“Uh..had to leave… felt sick.”

“Really? I know I said I was sick 10 minutes ago but I just wanted an excuse to leave.”

“I know it wasn’t hard to tell.”

You both went silent again, waiting for the other to speak. It had stretch on for another 5 minutes where you broke.

“I know what it says.”

Your confession made Sindri jump. What was he suppose to say.

“I feel the same.”

This man almost threw up again but in surprise. He still didn’t say anything, he had been waiting for this moment for years. He didn’t believe he’d make it this far.

“Could you PLEASE say something I’m kinda worried over here.”

“I love you.”

It was like the whole forest fell silent with you both as you two stared at each other. With both of your flushed faces you both broke out in laughter. It was so surreal. Once the laughter died down you both stared at each other again and leaned in. It had been something you both had fantasized about for years. Once you two connected it was if the world stopped. Except for one person.

“Oh what a heartfelt moment.”

You didn’t perseave the arrow through your hip until you looked down and saw the arrow pierced through your cloths and skin as blood dropped down it.

“NO!”

Not a second later you had been transported by Sindri to the front of your house. Atreus and Kratos exited at the sound of Sindris yelling.

They both carried you in to your bed as you tell them what herbs you need. They were lucky you kept 10 of everything on hand for those ‘just-in-case’ moments.

Sindri had stayed by your side the entire time while you told Atreus what to do. He felt at fault I mean how could he let you leave the protective seal with a sword wielding witch that’s been plotting her revenge for years. He felt like an idiot which was echoed by Kratos.

Even though you were completely fine and actually looked better than before he still felt awful. It reminded him of how he almost lost his brother. It made him think if he would have done the same for you if he had. Yes, yes he would.

After the rough start, you two were happy as can be. Kratos even gave his blessing! Atreus was relieved because as he said “maybe he’ll stop talking about you so much when we hangout”. That raised a few eyebrows and Sindri threw some stuff about snitching on him. When Brok found out he was elated because he liked to see his brother so happy but he also liked watching you two for entertainment.

Sindri is constantly on edge, even after you and Freya make amends. He just always apprehensive when around her. It did wane when Freya had went to him to compliment him about the sword that he made for you although it was followed by a threat that if he ever did anything to you he’d be hung by the rafters. He’d look for to Brok for support but he was on her side with it.

Sindri had started teaching you some of the basics smithing but eventually quite because of how stressful it would end up being for him. Not for your safety(ouch) but because you wouldn’t follow the habits he’d do. Like no Sindri I don’t think the dagger would be instantly ruined if I don’t check it every 30 seconds. You once used one of Broks technique on a sword and he almost had an aneurysm. So you two had to find something else to do.

Baking, fishing, foraging, and cleaning all ended horribly because either one of you was too bad at it or you kept arguing over a step.

Then you two started painting and drawing together. It worked best because you two were on the same skill level and there isn’t anything you can really do ‘wrong’. You two would sit in front of each other and draw the other or find some place in the realms that’s relatively safe and paint the scenery. Sindri started to run out of room on his walls because he refuses to put away and portrait you give him.

Brok has a field day when ever he see’s you two together. Always has some embarrassing story on him.

If your the type to give him random trinkets that make you think of him, he’ll make a designated draw in his bedroom to put them all. I swear he’s like a little school girl when he looks at them from time to time. Kicking his feet back and forth while giggling and shit.

When ever you’d tell him about the technology from your home time he’s all ears. The technology from your time absolutely amazes him. What baffles him the most is TVs like what did you mean it displays pictures from 0’s and 1’s, AND THEY MOVE. He wouldn’t believe you with some of them cause no way Bluetooth actually exists.

When anniversaries of y’all’s relationship comes around Sindri goes all out. He kicks out Brok and anyone who tries to enter the house cause this is y’all’s day. Honestly you two don’t do much except eat and hangout, just enjoying each others company.

Y’all would have matching rings of your preferred gemstone that he made. Something simple but beautiful none the same.

——————————————————————————

This took forever my god. Hope you guys enjoy :)

Tag list: @trippygalaxy , @simpforjesus , @grand-admiral-luna , @novidiadarkmagic , @alondrashultz

[3tabbiesandalab]

Unexpected Words

A Bob x Reader or OC (Top Gun character’s sister) whatever way you want to look at it

One Shot

A lot of Bob’s life with his unexpected soul mark, with Reader or OC (Top Gun character’s sister) at the end, Bit different to my last couple. Not a lot of dialogue. Anyway I hope you enjoy it!

……

Bob had always been a little perplexed by his soul mark, the first words his soulmate would say to him. His words were kind of unexpected and although a little baffled by them, Bob was proud because he knew his soulmate had helped him become who he was before he’d ever met them.

The words appeared when he was 12, written in black messy cursive, trailing upwards over the left side of his ribcage. Bob wasn’t exactly an awkward loner and definitely wasn’t considered outgoing, but despite being kind and having a good sense of humour and he had always been a bit shy, quieter and happy to sit on the periphery.

So when the words appeared, Bob didn’t really get their meaning or didn’t care what they said, he was just content that there was someone out there, outside his family, that would eventually see him.

The day he got his soul mark, Bob had showed his family at the breakfast table and the words were met with very mixed reactions. Bob’s Ma went red as a tomato, stunned into silence for the first time that Bob could ever remember. His oldest sister had done a spit take of OJ all over the table and Bob’s other two sisters had burst into fits of laughter, one falling to the floor.

Bob’s Dad had just quietly chuckled and said “Well Son, looks like your soulmate won’t disappoint.” before being hit in the forehead with a flying piece of bacon from that had come from his Ma. He had no idea what that meant, but it was Bob’s first clue that his soul mark was maybe a little more noteworthy than most.

……

Over the next couple of years, Bob had thought about his soul mark a lot, he’d imagined who would say his words to him and what he would say in return but didn’t really think much about their meaning. At school Bob wasn’t weird or a loner, he was kind and nice so he had ‘friends’, but just not the kind of good friends he could talk about his soul mark to, and not the kind that never thought to asked. At the age of 14, Bob was very smart and quite mature, but was pretty innocent to some of the aspects of being a teenage boy, so he hadn’t really realised the connotation his words actually had.

It wasn’t until one day his shirt had ridden up in gym and a few classmates had seen his soul mark and grabbed him, held up his shirt laughing and taunting him, that Bob finally grasped the suggestive meaning, that and that teenagers can be assholes.

For a while after that, it was a running prank for both girls and guys to utter a version of his words and to see what reaction they could get from quiet, shy Bob. Although, there were some kids who were harsh, to most it was a funny joke and Bob took it as good naturedly as his introverted self could manage.

During that time Bob, despite the slight hesitation he felt before replying every time his words were used, he really couldn’t complain too much as his ‘friends’ or people who had never noticed him before seemed to realise that he was sweet, smart and quite a lot of fun.

Bob found it funny, that his soul mark had in fact led to people other than his actual soulmate to notice him, and eventually to a girl thinking he was cute at 15 and to the discovery of some of the things he’d been missing out on by being shy and naïve.

Although it got brought up a couple more times throughout his high school years and Bob had a couple more girlfriends, no one had said his words to him again, which wasn’t a huge surprise given what they said.

Bob was a romantic and he believed so much in his soul mate, and no wonder as his mother and father had told him their story and what it felt like to meet and touch for the first time and he had still been living at home when all 3 of his older sister’s had met their soulmates.

Bob couldn’t wait to meet his, but he wasn’t the kind of person to put his life on hold and sit around and wait for his soulmate to find him, so he followed through with his plans of joining the navy. Bob was intelligent, logical and as it turned out very composed under stressful situations so eventually ended up training as weapons systems operator or WSO and became skilled and highly sort after very quickly. Bob got a lot of satisfaction from being good at what he did for a living, but he was still a dreamer and thought about his soulmate all the time

……

As a teen, Bob had figured out his word’s kind of sounded sexual but as an adult in addition to that, he was also delighted they were also ironically kind of linked to being a WSO. Once again, in a funny way, his mystery soulmate had a role in his life.

Over the few years in navy, his words had been revealed and became a bit of an icebreaker amongst the big, confident personalities his colleagues tended to have, often helping them get to know the Bob behind the quiet, accomplished teammate.  

Somehow Bob’s soul mark even led to him exploring and enjoying his sexuality, seeing the words sometimes led people, no matter their gender, to become intrigued with Bob and look at him in a different light. It wasn’t the words as such, but people had needs and the words would lead them notice his body where they were written, find him quite attractive and one thing would lead to another.

Bob didn’t mind, he knew deep down he was no slouch in the looks department, he took pride in his grooming and fitness, and he was a single young guy with the same needs after all. Bob thought that if his words helped him get a little bit of experience with both women and men before he met his soulmate, they wouldn’t mind, and Bob would be fine if they did the same. Bob wasn’t a man whore by any means and at the end of the day, the only one Bob dreamed about a future with was his soulmate.

……

Fairly early into his career, Bob was a little stunned to learn that had been chosen to train for a highly classified mission, apparently only a small group of aviators had made the cut and although he was really nervous about the potentially dangerous assignment, he felt proud that he had been recognised enough to be considered.

Bob was meeting the other candidates one day at ‘The Hard Deck’ bar before training commenced. He sat back and silently observed as the group formed, he’d heard of all of them by name or reputation, but the only one he knew was Rooster who had become good friends with him, after being stationed together a year or so ago.

Bob noticed Phoenix, who he knew was his new pilot, immediately when she walked in confidently with the establish duo Payback and Fanboy and introduced them to Coyote and the most arrogant person in the room, Hangman. Hangman proceeded to inflate his own ego then have pissing contest with Rooster, who didn’t really appear all that interested, all within a few minutes.

Predictably it took a while for them to notice him with all the big cocky personalities in the room, but it gave Bob time to steel his nerves a bit, he was after all still a bit quiet around new people, and time to once again wonder about his soulmate.

A while ago, Bob had come a realise that his particular words meant an encounter with either a drunk, flirty person, a sex worker or a new aviator he hadn’t met yet were the likeliest ways he would meet his soulmate. Bob didn’t need or want to pay anyone for sex, so he had always kept his fingers crossed that was going to meet them at a time like this instead when he was in a bar surround by lots of intoxicated civilians or around colleagues he had yet to talk to.

”When did you get here?” somebody’s voice snapped Bob out of his thoughts as they finally noticed him, “Oh I’ve been here the whole time” he replied with a shy smile.

Bob had quickly realised that none of his fellow aviators were his soulmate. He already knew Rooster wasn’t, they’d spoken a couple of times after and he’d seen Bob’s words and laughed for a full 5 minutes before declaring that they’d be great friends. Bob had spoken at least a few words pretty much everyone else and even uncharacteristically sung songs at the piano with Rooster, Phoenix and a few of the others. And none of the civilians in the bar that night said anything at all to him, so despite being slightly hopeful, Bob ended the night still soulmateless

……

As Bob predicted the mission was extremely dangerous and the training with their instructor Maverick was gruelling. It was to be undertaken in treacherous terrain, flying difficult makeovers and at altitudes none of them had ever experienced. For Bob, and the other potential WSO’s, to do their particular job was critical and under these conditions would be extremely difficult. And for everyone, completing the assignment, then surviving the enemy’s arsenal on the way home would be almost impossible.

Bob had gelled with Phoenix quickly due to the intense training but as a back seater, Bob always found a bond with his teammate on the ground, really helped them communicate and fly better together in the air. Bob thought Phoenix special, she was intelligent, capable and determined and he had a brief thought that his soulmate would be someone similar, but Phoenix was guarded, and he hoped she would come to trust him fully.

Bob had accidently seen her words on her back, putting on their flight suits one time and he recognised Rooster’s terrible handwriting. Phoenix had been thrown by it, but Bob showed her his words, telling her their history and that was all it took for her to laugh and open up and their new trust made them a formidable team and very close.

Apart from Phoenix, and Rooster, who Bob had slipped back into an easy friendship with, the others didn’t pay him much mind in the sky or on the ground. Bob didn’t mind too much, he had grown to like being both a quiet observer and being underestimated, but he was a smart team member and knew it would be better for them if he found familiarity and a connection with the others too.

So when Payback, Fanboy and Coyote ‘accidently’ saw his soul mark in the locker room one day, it started the ball rolling with some common ground and with their shared experiences in training, they became fast friends.

With Hangman, a cocky asshole who had already dismissed Bob due to his younger age and reserved personality, it was a proving to be little more difficult. But in a parallel of Bob’s high school days, at dogfight football, Hangman had seen a bit of his soul mark and lifted his shirt revealing his words.

Bob thought it was honestly the weirdest reaction someone had to his words, Hangman literally stared at them with a confused then stunned look. So much so that Bob momentarily thought maybe he was his soulmate, but they’d already spoken. Hangman appeared to shake himself out of the moment and carried on like nothing had happened.

But in the days that followed it appeared he was trying to get to know Bob and would talk about himself but not in his usually conceited way, but about things like his favourite movies, and his sister. And despite causing friction with Rooster and therefore by default, Phoenix, he was decidedly less of an asshole to them as well. Bob felt his soulmate was again affecting his life in all the right ways without even being in it.

……

Even after an incredibly close call with him and Phoenix during a bird strike during training, they were chosen for the mission, and he was incredibly proud of them and felt gratified that he was considered skilled and capable enough to be part of it.

Payback and Fanboy and Rooster had also been chosen and it had been deemed essential that Maverick flew with them as their leader, leaving Hangman as the spare.

Bob always knew his job was potentially dangerous, but on this assignment despite the amazing team they had, there was a high chance of someone not coming home. So once he was alone laying back in his bunk the night before the mission, he thought about his family but as always most of Bob’s thoughts, were about his soulmate.

Bob reflected on how his soul mark had shaped his life in a way; he’d become a better teammate because of it, had made friends because of it, it both gave him comfort and pushed him out of his comfort zone, and it had even helped get him laid. Bob was in wonder that the flirty innuendo on his ribs could be so meaningful, and he really hoped whatever is on his soulmate’s skin had been just as important to them.

The mission was successful and after some very scary moments, everyone had made it back alive. It was an incredible feeling for Bob to be part of something like this and to do this with such as bonded group of teammates he now considered his close friends.

Everyone was emotional when they returned to the carrier, Bob was elated as he had moments congratulating and embracing his friends even Hangman pulling him into a surprisingly long hug, but more so Bob was just happy he had more time to find his soulmate.

……

After the assignment, the group was given unexpected short leave in thanks for their service before being deployed elsewhere. Payback, Fanboy and Coyote flew home to see their families and Bob knew wherever Phoenix and Rooster ended up, the soulmates would stay together.

Although Bob missed his family, he was exhausted, and it really didn’t make a lot of sense to fly all the way back across the country for a short time. While debating what they were going to do, Bob, Phoenix and Rooster received a surprising offer from Hangman to join him at his family beach house not too far away.

Whatever prior tension was between the couple and Hangman was gone after he defied orders and went to Maverick and Rooster’s aid, and although they were still competitive and sarcastic, a tentative friendship had formed. Bob didn’t know what he was to Hangman, but if he had to liken it to anything, he almost acted like an older brother or something, so they took him up on his offer to get some R & R by the beach.

Hangman’s sister YFN had offered to pick them up that afternoon, YFN, Hangman and Bob would go in her car, with Phoenix and Rooster following in his so they had a way back to base for deployment when their leave was over. Bob was usually pretty good at keeping himself together, but he was mentally and physically drained after the events of the last few weeks.

As they sat outside the naval accommodation waiting for YFN, Phoenix and Rooster were sitting closely whispering to each other and Bob was watching Hangman write a list and despite never seeing it before, his handwriting looked so familiar, but Bob was too tired to make much of it. A car pulled up and the driver got out and Hangman jumped up to embrace his sister.

Bob observed them intently as they laughed and briefly chatted between themselves, and he was suddenly overwhelmed. Bob had no idea what was going on, but a feeling swept over him, it was like déjà vu and warmth and the feeling of being whole, without even knowing he’d been broken.

Bob just got up and in a daze starting walking towards YFN and she seemed similarly affected as him. He knew, he just knew. He wasn’t even aware of Phoenix, Rooster and Hangman watching him, but they must of known, and obviously Hangman had figured it out a while ago.

As a hopeless romantic, Bob had dreamed of this moment a million times, hearing his words and what he would say back.

But it already was going nothing like Bob had imagined. YFN wasn’t an aviator, or he wasn’t in a bar. His soul mark was so random, Bob had always assumed his soulmate would speak first but as Bob stood in front of YFN, his mouth started moving on its own and he what he said was a disaster, way worse than the sexual innuendo he’d had on him since he was 12…

“Thank God, I was actually starting to worry you were a hooker.”

Oh fuck. That was bad. Bob had just fucked up meeting his soul mate and to make matters worse it was Hangman’s sister. He was a dead man.

He tried to open his mouth to apologise, but no sound came out. But YFN’s breathless laugh broke him out of his spiral. Bob looked at YFN, she had tears in her eyes but smiling the most beautiful smile he’s ever seen…

“Baby, come on, get in my back seat and I’ll take care of you.”

Bob makes a choking sound at finally hearing his words. But before he could respond YFN just kept talking…

“Fuck that sounded so sexual. Sorry. I knew it sounded weird as soon as it started coming out of my mouth, but I couldn’t help it. It sounded like I wanted to fuck you right off the bat. Not that I don’t want to. I mean I-I have thought about it a lot but not right this second. Shit. I’m sorry you have that somewhere on your body. I-I actually meant to say lay down in the back seat. You in the back. Because you look exhausted. I-I don’t know why I said take care of you, not that I don’t want to take care of you, I do, because in weird ways your words have taken care of me ah…”

Bob put YFN out of her misery, his mouth and his brain deciding to communicate again…

“I want to take care of you too. Your words mean so much to me. Y-you’ve helped me so much. But I’m so sorry about my how messed up they are. I’m glad you’re not ah a hooker, not there’s anything wrong with doing that of course…My words, I kinda assumed you’d be drunk and hitting on me when we met or a joke because I’m a back seater. Oh God…I swear I am not a fucking weirdo…Jesus. I can’t believe you had that shit written on you all this time, I hope you could hide them on your body. Fuck not that I’m been thinking about your body, I do all the time but not right now. Shit. You are so beautiful. God I’m sorry. I’m kind of shy and this is the craziest shit I’ve ever said. Not about you, I mean. I’ll just shut up now.”

Bob went silent, both taking in what YFN just said to him and the shit he just spewed out. Hangman, Phoenix and Rooster who Bob had forgotten were even there, burst out in hysterics and took quite a while to calm down.

“That was the most painfully awkward thing I’ve ever seen in my life. You’re both idiots. Thank fuck you’re each other’s soulmates. Now get in the back seat, I’m driving and I will not be looking in the review mirror because I’ve seen enough of this shit already.” Hangman said as he yanked the keys off YFN and walked to the car.

Bob heard Phoenix and Rooster laugh and wish Hangman good luck for the trip as they headed to Rooster’s car after witnessing the display.

Bob looked at YFN and smiled widely and offered his hand to shake “Let’s try this again. I’m Robert Floyd but you can call me whatever you want for as long as you’ll have me.”

YFN smiled shyly back and put her hand in his and gave it a gentle squeeze, and Bob couldn’t even describe what touching her for the first time felt like. 

“I’m YFN Seresin and I think I’ll have you forever, if that’s ok with you.” she said sweetly.

“I’m very ok with it.” and he was, Bob was very very ok with it. ……

[tuulikannel]

Akabane Karma in the official character book, p. 1-2 translation

I haven't done these for a long while, but the mood suddenly struck me. I know that Karma's pages have already been translated, so in a sense this is kind of pointless, but I still wanted to do this. I mean, I did Gakushuu's part ages ago (or that's how it feels, anyway), and as they're fighting for the #1 spot for me (isn't that just fitting?), I kind of felt like I had to do Karma too. So, here we go!

As usual, I mainly did this to practice Japanese, and there might be mistakes... though this time I could check if I was in agreement with the other translation when I was unsure about something, so there shouldn't be anything too bad. XD Early on there's one sentence that totally baffled me, tho... My comments are in [brackets].

“I won’t lose. The one to take sensei’s life is me.”

Having tasted defeat, Karma came to understand the feelings of those who lose and learned to sympathize with his companions and got closer to the weak.

(The manga panel is from when he told the Big 5 that he was the only one in 3 E who’d taken the 2nd mid-term exam seriously.)

Everything is perfect – the genius boy of E class

He was suspended after a violent incident. He is something of a slacker, but his skill for studying and assassination, as well as his physical strength, are all top class.

Code name: Chuuniban (by Hazama) [or should I say cord name? XD Sorry… ^^;;]

Chuunibyous tend to take an unexpected look at things. In Karma’s case… [...I became completely confused. Something like taking an unexpected look on unexpected look on even further on an unexpected look… I’ve no idea. If anyone can give me a sensible translation of アイツの場合斜め上の更に斜め上のそのまた斜め上から見てんだけど結局１つ上にはいけてないのよ please do. ^^ It’s very 斜め上, that’s all I can say. The other translation didn't give a literal translation of this either, just this: “a person with Chuunibyou is supposed to see things a certain way, but because he’s doing it in a half-assed way, she’s basically calling him a half-assed Chuunibyou”]

[Chuunibyou, in case you’re not familiar with the term, means a teenager with grandiose delusions who tries to stand out in every way possible. Gundham Tanaka, anyone? &lt;;3 It literally translates to “second-year syndrome” (second year of junior high, that is). The -ban in Chuuniban means half, so yeah…. half-assed  chuunibyou.]

(Bottom left corner) His specialty is provoking his opponent through pranks and harassment. His skill for provocation is also first class.

Code name: Chuunibyou Birthday: December 25 Height: 175 cm Weight: 60 kg Blood type: AB Favorite subject: math Least favorite subject: Japanese Special skills: provocation, pranks, pestering Clubs he belongs to: Going Home club Treasury: Collection of spices from around the world Favorite food: “煮オレ” (ni ore) series (the brand of those strawberry milks he always drinks) Bento or buying snacks: buying snacks Election poster: In any case, I want to be manipulating from behind the scenes

Regular examination, announcement of results from Korosensei

First school term mid-terms

English 98 p. (2nd) Japanese 98 p. (2nd) Math: 100 p. (1st) Sciences: 99 p. (2nd) Social studies: 99 p (2nd) 5 main subjects: 494 p. (4th)

First school term finals

English 96 p. (2nd) Japanese 96 p. (2nd) Math: 85 p. (10th) Sciences: 97 p. (2nd) Social studies: 95 p (2nd) 5 main subjects: 494 p. (13th)

[Kind of funny how he did so badly in his best subject, while keeping the second position on all the others. I’m a little surprised his overall ranking is that bad… how does the math work here? (It’s not my strongest point XD)]

Second school term mid-terms

English 98 p. (2nd) Japanese 98 p. (2nd) Math: 100 p. (1st) Sciences: 98 p. (2nd) Social studies: 98 p (1st) 5 main subjects: 492 p. (2nd)

[Seems like people on A class did worse on the second term. I mean, Karma got the second place, even though he had two points less than in the first mid-terms, where he placed fourth. Also, there’s no grades from the finals, because it hadn’t happened yet in the manga when this book was published.]

Karasuma-sensei’s assassination skill assessment

He was a little lacking in serious attitude, but that changed during the summer break. His combat ability is at the top of E class, and he has good intuition and learning ability.

[I figured it’s easier to show these on the chart]

[About the technique part: the preparations refers especially to food preparation.]

His taijutsu skills are also great, to the extent that he could hold his own in one-on-one match against Grip.

He excels in the situational analysis of the opponent’s real strength and can also make decisions calmly.

Bitch-sensei’s fashion check

(Speech bubble) The brat is very brat-like, but he doesn’t have bad fashion taste. Design is also important, but the base to being smartly dressed is to wear something that fits your body. He’s style is so-so, but he's still growing. [Possibly both literally and figuratively. XD]

School uniform

Summer or winter, Karma wears a black cardigan. In summertime he rolls up the sleeves to adjust the heat.

Ordinary clothes

Just from simple coordination, even with layered clothing his sense of (clothing) size and so also his silhouette are perfect.

(pages 3-4)

[sapphirefallschronicles]

- ̥۪͙۪˚┊❛ Welcome to Sapphire Falls - chapter 24 ❜┊˚̥۪͙۪◌

Basketballer!Chris Evans x Abigail Syverson (plus size!ofc) & Farmer!Syverson x Livia Darmandi (Asian ofc)

Summary: Abigail and Chris finally talk, just like Sy and Livia have a heart to heart.

Word count: 2.9k

Warnings: None

The Advent Calendar (a.k.a. the masterlist)

After the debacle at the Christmas fair, I go straight to the place that brings me comfort. The demonic goats. It still baffles me how Sy thinks they are truly demonic, but that might be because I have set them up against him. I should start talking nice things about him to them, because they can’t give him a hard time once I leave this place. 

But first I need their advice. 

Once again.

‘Do you think Chris and I can be together one day?’ I ask as I scratch Honey behind her ears. She bleats loudly before jumping off to annoy her mother. ‘You’re no help,’ I tell her. ‘Why is the universe so set on ruining my chance to be with him? You’d think three times is a charm, but we have almost kissed three times now. And every time we got interrupted. Maybe we aren’t meant to be together after all. Maybe I should give up,’ I sigh. 

Honey comes rushing back, begging for more scratches. 

‘You think I should give him another chance? I don’t know if I can do that.’ Tears start to form in my eyes, and I feel like such an idiot. ‘What’s wrong with me? Why do I always have to be second best? I cannot live a life where I feel like the ex fiance is always around the corner.’

All of a sudden I hear someone scraping their throat behind me. Quickly I turn around, to see Chris. 

‘How long have you been standing there?’ I ask, wiping away the tears. Apparently I had not heard a thing in the last few minutes, because I see his truck parked in our driveway.

He walks closer to me, but I hold up my hand, needing space between us. I need room to think, but I can’t do that with him so close to me. 

‘Abi,’ Chris says, ‘that text, it was Bethany telling me she had cleared my house from her stuff.’

That was unexpected. ‘What?’

‘She’s gonna leave. I told her we’re never gonna work and that she needs to get her stuff out of my house.’ He smiles and says: ‘She’s blocked. She’s banned from my life. Forever.’

‘I don’t… I don’t get it.’ I’m having a hard time comprehending what is happening. Is he saying what I hope he is saying?

‘She is gone. She finally understood I don’t want her in my life, and she only texted me to tell me she had collected her stuff from my house and left the key.’ Chris slowly closes the gap between us, and I let him. 

‘Because all I need is you, Abigail Syverson.’

I have always hated crying in front of people, therefore avoiding it like hell, but I can’t help myself right now. Tears stream down my face, not sad tears, more like I-can’t-believe-this-is-happening-tears. 

‘Really?’ I choke out. Chris is now in front of me, only an inch between us. He gently removes my hands from my face, and takes them in his. 

‘Yeah,’ he says softly, placing his hand on my cheek, wiping the tears away. 

‘Why?’ 

He barks out a laugh, and pulls me even closer to him. ‘I confess my love to you, and you ask why?’

‘I mean, you can be with someone like Bethany, why would you want to be with me? I’m not her, I don’t even remotely look like her. I’m not in your world, I bet there are other girls who are. Who fit in.’ I see a look of hurt in Chris’ eyes, and while I don’t want to personally ruin the moment I have always dreamt of, I have to express my concerns. 

I have loved Chris Evans for so long, and now that I can get him, I start wondering what life with him would be like. I’d have to go with him, to Chicago, which I would love. But do I fit in that world full of superstars and supermodels?

‘Stop that,’ Chris says, he places his other hand on my face as well, and makes me meet his gaze. ‘You are nothing like her, because you are so much more. You are funny, kind, caring, sweet, talented. And you are so beautiful.’ He presses a kiss to my forehead. ‘Your smile lights up a room, your eyes are my favorite color.’ A kiss on my nose. ‘And I can talk for hours about what your body does to me,’ he ends, his voice darkening. 

He presses his forehead against mine, and we stand like that for a moment. My tears had stopped, and I wrap my arms around his neck. 

‘So, you think you like me back?’ Chris softly nudges his nose against mine. 

‘Ever since you held my hand in third grade,’ I chuckle and I close my eyes as he leans in, his lips hovering inches from mine. 

‘I’ve been wanting to do this for so long,’ he whispers, his voice low and husky.

‘Me too.’ My own voice barely above a whisper.

And finally we closed the gap between us. After all these years, after all these attempts, we finally kiss. It is everything I hoped for. My entire body is on fire, and I feel like I’m flying. 

Chris’ hands are everywhere, and so are mine. His hard body is flush against mine, and before I know it a moan escapes my mouth. 

And the sound he made following that, sent shivers down my spine. ‘‘Maybe we need to go somewhere, you know, private,’ I whisper in between our kisses. 

Chris hums in response, still pressing kisses on my jaw, neck, cheeks, lips. ‘Let’s go upstairs.’

I’m about to agree, when I suddenly realize something. ‘Fuck, no. Sy’s home, I think.’

Chris stops kissing my neck, and grabs my hand to pull me with him, out of the barn. ‘We’re going to my hotel. I mean, if you want to?’ He waits for my answer, and when I tell him yes, we make a run for his truck. 

●・○・●・○・●

A few hours later I wake up next to Chris. In his hotel room. In his bed. With my head on his naked chest. Am I dreaming? 

I realize I am not dreaming, but am wide awake. A grin as wide as possible forms on my face. If you’d told me a month ago that Chris Evans and I would express our love for each other, I would have laughed in your face. 

But now, I feel a happiness I never felt before. Slowly I draw circles with my finger over his tattooed chest. Mine. 

He stirs a little, and I feel him placing his hand on the swell of my back. The sun is slowly disappearing, painting orange and red strokes on the wall. 

‘Hi baby,’ he hums, pressing a kiss to my shoulder. He sits up a little bit, so we’re eye to eye again. I definitely can get used to this. 

A smile forms on my face, and without hesitation I lean forward to peck his lips. I never felt comfortable enough to do so with previous partners, but with Chris? It feels like it was meant to be. 

‘You look beautiful.’ He wraps me in his arms, and we lay like that in silence for a moment. 

‘Would you come to Chicago with me?’ Chris breaks the silence. 

‘Is it weird if I started packing my bags mentally already?’

‘Please tell me you’re not bringing all your plants with you,’ he laughs. ‘I doubt I have the space for that.’

I smile, but think about his question in the meanwhile. Yes, I want to go with him. Yes, I would love to go to Chicago. But what would that look like? Will I move in with him immediately? I don’t think I’m ready to go from nothing to basically married. 

‘Chris?’ I say.

‘Mhm?’

‘Can we take it slow?’

Chris props himself up on his elbow, to get a better look on my face. He smiles softly, and nods, encouraging me to elaborate. 

‘I just want us to take our time to get to know each other like this. Enjoy every step of this way.’ I place my hand on his face, and he presses a kiss to the palm of my hand. ‘I don’t want to rush into this.’

‘As long as I get to spend time with my favorite person, you. I will take all the time you, we, need, okay? There is no need to rush things. We have a lifetime ahead of us.’’ He pulls me in his arms, kisses me tenderly, and we won’t leave the bed till the sun rises again.

I don’t know how much time went by, but my arms feel sore by the time I actually take a break. Maybe I’m not fuming anymore, but damn I’m still pissed. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so angry. That idiot and my Liv left the bar.

There had been times where I was angry, maybe even jealous when someone else spoke to her, but I could be rational about it. But this is different. Fuck, this was totally different.

‘Is there a reason, Caleb Syverson, you’ve been ignoring my calls?’

Her voice. 

‘Sorry,’ I mutter, without looking up. 

Footsteps come closer and she stands in front me. Her black platform boots are covered in sand and a little bit of mud. ‘Are you okay?’

‘Do I look okay?’

‘Want an honest answer?’

I finally look up, only to see her looking serious and her default state of sadness still present. ‘Go for it.’

‘You look like shit,’ she tells me. ‘And for that I’m sorry. That was my fault, Ian’s fault.’

I stand up and tower over her, even with a few feet between us. ‘Why did you even go with him?’ I ask her, my tone a lot harsher than I intended. ‘You just told me he was your ex and all of the sudden you’re taking him to the doctor?’

Livia blinks her eyes, almost like she’s confused by what I said. ‘Well duh,’ she says. ‘Of course I had to check whether or not he had an internal bleeding. It’s you versus him, Sy. Do you really think I have to check on you, when you didn’t even have a scratch and I had no idea if he was vomiting blood or if it was his lip leaking?’

Okay, she makes an excellent point.

‘You know,’ she continues, ‘after I took him to the doctors and it turned out he was completely fine, just peachy, I told him we’re over. That he and I never worked and that nothing could ever change my mind.’ 

‘Oh.’

‘He understood and we’re over.’

We both don’t say a thing, however she’s the one who breaks the silence.

‘I wasn’t lying, you know,’ she continues. ‘I really wished we didn’t spend so long apart. I hate how you didn’t have me forever.’

I clench my jaw, but that’s mostly because I have know idea how to respond to this. Back at the bar I knew, I wanted to further elaborate once we were talking, but then Ian happened.

And now words just don’t flow. 

‘You know, I hate myself everyday for not coming back,’ Livia says. ‘Because while New York City was great for me and my writing career, I never was truly happy. I set foot in Sapphire Falls and I realize that you have always been my reason for happiness.’

My vocabulary has been reduced to zero percent, because I still have no clue what to say to her and this revelation of hers. 

‘It’s always been you, Sy,’ Livia says. ‘The reason I never said that to you, is because I didn’t want to lose the greatest friend I’ve ever had. The things you and I could discuss, that meant so much to me. I saw how my parents’ relationship barely worked and I was afraid I was too much of a Darmandi and would end up like them. That I would screw up whatever we had.’

‘Liv,’ I manage to say, finally finding my voice back, ‘you know you could never screw up. Come on, if someone had to do that, it would’ve been me. We’re talking about me.’ I rub my hand over my short hairs.

‘But don’t you see that I have always been the one to hold you at arm's length?’ Livia sighs and says: ‘We kissed, prom night happened and what not. I had a taste, but every time I thought about getting closer, developing a real relationship with the one I truly loved, I backed out. I was scared.’

Livia runs her fingers through her hair and I can see she’s gently pulling it, before she does that one thing that tells me how uncomfortable she is: she pats herself on the head again. 

I hate seeing her in distress like that. 

She chews on her bottom lip and whispers: ‘Sy, I’m so sorry.’

‘Why are you sorry?’

‘Because I yet again screwed up.’ 

I detect some tears collecting in her eyes. 

‘Come here,’ I say, pulling her gently in my arms. Livia, always our little and tiny Livia, buries her face in my chest and whispers soft apologies. ‘Stop that.’

‘What?’ she asks. ‘Stop crying? How do you think I can just do that?’

Realizing I phrased it wrong, I whisper: ‘No, stop apologizing. You have nothing to feel sorry about and there is no need to feel sad and cry. It’s always been you too, Liv. I… No woman is ever good enough, not when I know there is you.’

She places her chin on my chest and through her tears looks at me. ‘You waited eleven years for me?’ she asks. 

‘Yeah, I guess I did.’

‘Damn you, Sy, that’s the sweetest thing ever.’ She wiggles herself out of my arms and wipes away her tears. ‘How do I compete with that?’

‘It’s not a competition,’ I tell her. ‘Liv, know that we’re not competing for who is the most romantic. All I care about is that I never lose you again. Because I don’t know if I can handle that.’

She’s shaking and I feel so bad that all these emotions are coming out like this. All the anger I felt just minutes earlier dissolves like that. ‘Caleb Syverson,’ she whispers, ‘I love you so much.’

I never expected to hear those words from her ever again. Those important words coming from her lips. And yet, here it happens. ‘Livia Darmandi,’ I say, ‘I can safely say: I love you more.’

Despite her tears, she lets out a laugh. ‘Took me eleven fucking years to realize that.’

I take a step towards her, gently hold her face in my hands and use my thumb to wipe away the tears. I press a kiss on her forehead and she relaxes against me. ‘That’s okay,’ I whisper against her forehead.

‘Don’t ever let me go,’ she says in a pleading tone.

‘Of course not,’ I tell her. ‘How about you kiss me, Liv?’

She stands on her toes, fisting my lumberjack blouse in her hands before she presses her lips on mine. Eleven years passed, eleven years since our last kiss, but I finally get to kiss her again. I pick her up and gently place her on the nearby wooden fence, so she doesn’t crane her neck and I don’t turn into a hunchback. She locks me in between her legs and from her eagerness I can tell she doesn’t want to let go.

But neither do I.

I finally have her back. 

●・○・●・○・●

After we eventually managed to break apart our kisses, we took a bit of a walk, her hand securely in mine. We walked passed Sapphire Lake, all the barns we had and the stables, almost like I wanted to show every animal that this woman is mine now and that there is no way I would ever let her go.

We stop in front of the shed. In these last few years, I’ve taken good care of this place. Abigail often said I should rent it out, but I can’t. I can’t rent out the place with one of my most sacred memories. ‘Remember prom night?’

‘You think I could forget?’ I ask her. ‘You’re my first and the only one I care about.’

She leans against me and I press her a kiss on top of my head. I gently tug her with me, as I unlock the door. As she walks passed me, for a second I’m back years ago. Almost like she never left, as she makes herself comfortable on the bed. Smiling, at ease and so beautiful.

I plop next to her and she smiles. For the first time in forever, I don’t see her anguish, her sadness. 

She’s serene. 

‘Are you happy, Liv?’

‘Happiest I’ve ever been in my life. I realized I’ve done nothing but chase hopes and dreams, when all I had to do was to chase you.’

I give her a kiss on her forehead. ‘It was worth the wait,’ I tell her. 

‘Sy, can you promise me to never let me go?’ she asks in a soft tone, nuzzling her face in my chest. ‘There is a one hundred percent chance I can’t live without you.’

I shake my head, wrapping my arm tightly around her. ‘I’m never letting you go, ever again.’

●・○・●・○・●

[leohtttbriar]

Choose violence 8, 10, 24 for Tolkien? :)

<3 when i saw you had sent me an ask, i blushed so hard i'm pretty sure i gave myself a mild fever. omg hi <3

also, so sorry but i def employed some tolkien-esque verbose-ness in answering these lol. especially the last one, whew. like, im embarrassed.

8. common fandom opinion that everyone is wrong about

what’s funny with the tolkien fandom is that the movie fans and the book fans have whole different spheres of bugaboos and Annoying Habits so it’s easy to vacillate between either camp when you keep encountering the Nonsense.

that being said, i one hundred percent consider myself a “book fan” and think movie fans are more annoying than all of us literates. like, they can’t help it—the movies are the source of most their ills— but as a rule movie fans are wrong about like all of the characters. as in, legolas isn’t mister stoic badass, sam isn’t More Heroic, aragorn isn’t pathetically reluctant, elrond is much prettier than hugo weaving, and denethor is not nutso (to name a few).

i would say, though, that book fans are generally really bad at figuring out what parts of the movies to pick on. like for years i’ve been so baffled by people still being angry over glorfindel’s exclusion in the fellowship movie and no offense to people who have read the silmarillion and the fellowship…but that was not only the best adaptational change but it also improves on the book. in that, sending arwen to guide them to rivendell and to physically hold frodo to her as she defended the last homely house with water horses, is an genuine story improvement—not just because lotr is a sausage fest and that Sucks but because it foreshadows arwen giving frodo her passage west, via a flight east, it lets arwen actually parallel luthien riding across middle earth on huan, which in turn gives arwen an equal sort of challenge in living up to a legacy, something that can thematically help aragorn live up to his, doing that thing tolkien does best and telling the same story over and over until the song finally scans and the rhyme resolves and the Big Story ends.

of course, the movies left out the arwen-giving-frodo-the-evenstar-gem thing so in terms of Sexism both media are equivalent.

i think book fans in general are wayyyyy too like faithful monk readers of the bible. and not even like medieval monk readers, where there’s a clear delineation between various interpretive approaches, going from the literal to the poetic in degree. no, tolkien fans i think have mistaken a rich creative world for something near perfection, to the point where they don’t really know how to explain why the amazon series is bad beyond “amazon is bad” and what makes tolkien’s fantasy unique. tolkien fans, in terms of pedantry, are worse than dune fans.

but yeah. everyone is wrong about glorfindel in fellowship. he is Not as interesting as arwen as a character and does Not really fit in the story.

10. worst part of fanon

definitely the freaks who treat genuine baddies as misunderstood kittens. like, i don’t feel very sorry for maedhros? also, why is the elrond-considers-maedhros-and-maglor-as-dads caucus in the tolkien fandom so loud??? look, there’s no arguing these are tragic and pathetic blorbos, and i personally love stories in which they seek atonement, but elrond had a dad. if i were elrond or elros, i wouldn’t even be considering letting someone else slot into that position. especially not with my dad constantly being in the sky, like a particularly unfair reminder. maedhros can be complicated and alluring, but i hate the fanon of him or maglor genuinely adopting the baby half-elves out of untainted goodwill. it softens them in a way that makes me like them less.

also, the fanon of people being like “tolkien wasn’t sexist. look at melian.” does that count as fanon? if so, i hate that too.

24. topic that brings up the most rancid discourse

i feel like this goes for all fandoms, but by far any sort of accusation of racism in the work or in fan works is the most grenade-like kind of accusation one can lob.

with tolkien, i see a lot of people often focused on tolkien’s own opinions on “allegory,” and to be quite honest, anyone who uses that to say tolkien isn’t as racist as you might assume, is dumb as a rock.

tolkien’s frustration with "allegory" is the concept of 1 to 1 relationships. he didn't like when people were like "rohan is anglo saxon england" or "aragorn is [insert historical figure]" or any sort of reductive comparisons of lotr to real life figures and struggles in world war ii. (interestingly, however, he has said that dwarves were very inspired by jewish people. like, to the point that saying tolkien's dwarves are jewish is as accurate as saying shylock in merchant of venice is jewish--in that, they are characters in a story written by a christian who didn't really understand a whole heckuva lot about judaism. but that's a whole other topic.) and while that might tempt you to think that he therefore was not trying to represent any person or civilization from the real world in his books, unfortunately the core tenet of analytical reading is to assume deliberation over every single detail. you do in fact have to choose an idea before you write it down. and tolkien wrote the word "swarthy" one too many times for any of us to assume good-faith.

of course, there's also the claim of lotr not being as racist as the man (tolkien) likely was because art and the artist are not the same thing. and yeah. but again. "swarthy."

there is no easy answer to the whole death-of-the-author debate and questions over how much biography should be allowed in critical readings--at least no easy answer that doesn't just boil down to the simple demand to "think critically" (which isn't all that simple, in the end)--so i'm definitely not going to try to arrive at one now. but when it comes to tolkien's little made-up world, there are certain tropes in the fan interaction with it that make me somewhat queasy? like tolkien was so demonstrably inspired by real-world mythos and folklore that it is so easy to fit some of his characters and stories into real-world folk art and aesthetic. and to me there's a sliding scale of acceptable inspiration to maybe-we-shouldn't(?) inspiration. like when i see fan art that is labeled "indigenous tolkien," with no tribe or even geographic region specified, i find that weird.

and the reason i find that weird is the fundamental reason that i think discourse in fan circles over racial biases can get so rancid (unlike the discourse in non fan circles! just kidding, fandom discourse has nothing on a medievalist conference with a panel on white supremacy in the field, lol), and that reason is: tolkien's made-up world is not as made-up as the immersiveness of his world suggests. it is very rooted, and deliberately so, in the histories and folklore of western-european people (in particular) and thus the stories, the characters, the aesthetics, the ethics, and the themes are all off-shoots of these traditions. there is a missing element of material recognition in the interpretations of tolkien as really one thing or the other. material culture plays a much bigger role in the whole of all his arda-tales than is immediately obvious.

people want to give fantasy a pass when it comes to certain biases and they use that annoying allegory quote to do it with tolkien's work. because they are enlightened and do not project white supremacy and other legacies of colonialism onto a "made-up world." but tolkien would probably be the first to say that his work was built off fairy-stories, as a contribution to the genre.

he even goes on this relevant tangent at the beginning of "on fairy stories":

It is perhaps not unnatural that in England, the land where the love of the delicate and fine has often reappeared in art, fancy should in this matter turn towards the dainty and diminutive, as in France it went to court and put on powder and diamonds.

whether or not he's right about this distinction between english fairies and french fairies, this still shows that he considers the fantastical an expression of real and observable culture. therefore, despite the fact that it is bad-faith to read anything in tolkien as 1 to 1, he was trying to represent our world with his because he doesn't see the fairy/monstrous/supernatural as entirely separate from the physical/metaphysical or the human imagination. he was just trying to tell the same story that has always been told, from creation and onward.

so yeah. it is entirely valid to call aragorn's Specialness as a Special Sort of Human kind of fascist.

(and just as the rooted-ness of tolkien's fantasy world means that his work cannot escape accusations of bias, the rooted-ness also opens the way for a specific kind of progressive reading that is less about plugging one's ears to the bias but leaning into it. the real-world is more complex than one man can imagine it and when that one man is trying his hardest to represent the world, as any good writer would do regardless of genre, things will slip in to the story that the man chose but may not have understood. eowyn's speech about staying in the burning house is feminist thought even if tolkien would probably never have claimed it as such. the love between legolas and gimli is canonically transgressive and metaphysically-challenging--aspects of a love that tolkien probably would have assumed of gay love, in his time. if that makes sense. his biases don't define the art, even if they are present. especially since he was a very good writer and reader.)

[shinygoku]

With the Beatles (1963)

Time for part 2 of CutCat Reviews Beatles Albums now it's February!

An iconic picture to be sure, but I'm not wild on it. Maybe it reminds me too much of trying to fit pictures into a small MS Paint Canvas? lol

Like with Please Please Me, I think there's some songs that slipped under the osmosis radar and that I ain't heard in full. Though I think the only albums I've listened to from start to finish all in order are the 1 CD, Revolver and Sgt Pepper, so I'll stop mentioning it on these early and the later ones... We're also still in "a fair few Covers" country, so will I be as mild on them as I was on the Non-Boys of PPM?

SIDE ONE

It Won't Be Long: I first heard this fairly recently, on the radio that was playing in another room. My thoughts weren't that strong, other than that "She Loves You" does the Yeah! repetition better lmao. Having been able to it properly since, though, I'm a lot warmer to it! It's optimistic and energetic, and the even higher amount of Yeahs is funny (though I maintain that SLY easily wins the Yeah Battle... but more on that when I reach it~). Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah!!

All I've Got To Do: This one seems to get slept on a lot... it's pretty solid, but it doesn't really offer any particular Iconic moments. The chorus shakes things up in a nice way but it seems Sticking Power ain't something it has. It's one of many songs that go to show how amazing this band was, as this isn't bad, but it's been left far behind by the other songs they've blessed us with, innit?

All My Loving: Now THIS is a memorable song! Such a jaunty guitar with the direct words! A real narrative is being laid out, albeit as an assertion of future things being promised~ Ah nuts, it blasted my memory of the previous song outta my head... XD - Seems this is the only one that got Red Album'd in this list? Wild that it's only the 1, but I think the right choice was made.

Don't Bother Me: George time! I'm not clear on if the narrative here is a post-breakup or if he's being dramatic about a spell away from the GF, but the main crux is that he doesn't want non-GF contact at that point in time. It's much moodier than most'a their stuff from this time, and there's more damn nice instrumental work.

Little Child: The title on it's own has me somewhat 8(, and the lyrics unfortunately confirm this [albeit Dancing on it's own ain't that bad, but one knows Dancing is often a euphemism in songs like this, or a precursor to more]... I'm sorry for such a negative, potentially pearl-clutching response. But also the music isn't charming me enough to coax me into softening my view. The first real Dud of this album, imo.

Till There Was You: Now THIS, I like! I was baffled why this seems to fly under the radar of Iconic Beatles Songs, but I since found out it's a cover, so that's probably the explanation. The lyrics are decent but the real appeal is that absolutely gorgeous guitar work and bongos, they provide such a warm feel~ It's also giving me strong "Anime Ending Credits Sequence" vibes, which I'm quite partial to ^w^ ...Issit just me or does Paul gain a slight Irish accent when he says "no, I never heard (them/it) at all" :0c

Please Mr. Postman: This I DID know was a cover from the start, haha! It's a very catchy song, but even with my sizable Beatle Bias, I can't really commit to declaring this one as the best... it's very good and very listen-able, but it may be that the definitive Mr Postman is somewhere else...

SIDE TWO

Roll Over Beethoven: Again, it's a cover, but I've not heard Chuck Berry's OG take at the time of writing. The song is pretty groovy, George's vocals ring nicely. I'm not dazzled, but I like it well enough :>

Hold Me Tight: Another Beatles original, another one that tends to get omitted from Mentions...! It's nice, but a lot plainer than most'a the stuff, lacks a certain Pizazz

You Really Got a Hold on Me: Another cover, one I've prolly heard before by a non-Beatles act, while this one is another Fine, Inoffensive romp that I lack strong feelings for lol

I Wanna Be Your Man: Now I know this one was somewhat famously given to The Rolling Stones, and I even heard that played on the radio too. When it was their version, I wasn't impressed. Sung by Ringo, as it had been intended initially? ....I'm still not that impressed. Mostly in the lyrics, it's real repetitive! But my Ringo bias keeps it afloat, and it's odd Mid-ness makes it more memorable than others on this album.

Devil In Her Heart: A good cover, this! George doing nice vocals and the candance to the title is catchy, and ooooh the instruments in the background are also fun, are those maracas I hear? It gets bonus points for the harmonies disagreeing with the lead too, hehe

Not A Second Time: The last original of this album, and it's not really doing it for me. Something about it kinda blurs into itself. Their later betrayal type numbers are more my bag, baby

Money (That's What I Want): And we're closing the experience with one more cover. I dig the instruments, most notably the piano, but the song itself is just, like, whatever lmao, Maybe it's too overtly materialistic and a bit listless? Man oh man does the Pink Floyd Money blow this outta the water lmaooo

CONCLUSION

Best 3: It Won't Be Long, All My Loving, Till There Was You

Blurst 3: Little Child, Not A Second Time, Money (That's What I Want)

Overall Quality?: An improvement over Please Please Me, though in a way it's more level quality makes it a bit harder to pick the best at least best songs in it. Most of the covers are again decent but not amazing, and the originals are hit and miss. Unfortunately it seems side 1 got the Lion's Share of memorable, fun numbers, leaving side 2 with also-rans, though in that is Devil in Her Heart at least!

🪲🪲🪲🪲

On the next part, it shall have been (?) A Hard Day's Night and its all-original song lineup! Just the Album though, if I'm looking at the Film it'll be another, separate instalment ^w^;

[jacquelinemerritt]

Dragon Ball Z: Abridged Episode 56 Review

Originally posted September 4th, 2018

A somewhat overstuffed, but still delightful and funny, episode.

“Deities, Devils, and Doing the Dirty” is easily one of the most tightly packed episodes of Dragonball Z: Abridged, mostly by necessity, since it has to cover all of the remaining events that take place before the start of the #CellGames. How effectively it manages to fit all that plot into its relatively short 16 minute runtime is questionable, but while the pace feels a bit blindingly fast at points, Team Four Star here ultimately still manages to fit it all in without making the episode feel overstuffed.

Picking up where the last episode left off, is the continued story of Chi Chi trying to get pregnant with Goku, and this is easily the funniest story with the clearest progression. We see Goku vent about his sexual exhaustion to Krillin, who is still the perpetual virgin, and try to come up with clever ways to get out of having to meet his wife’s intense sexual needs, only to ultimately realize that the best way to deal with this issue is to confront her directly.

By that time though, Chi Chi has already gotten pregnant, something which excites and baffles Goku, who had no idea that sex is how you get pregnant. Goku’s foolishness here feels completely in character, as does his initial willingness to rise to Chi Chi’s “challenge” even as it exhausts him, and the constant stream of sexual innuendo sprinkled throughout his dialogue is genuinely delightful to watch.

We also check in with Bulma as she continues to work on fixing Android 16, and discovers an old video clip in his memory files, playing it back for her father. This video is a bit of original animation to Dragonball Z: Abridged, and it tells the story of Dr. Gero’s son, a member of the Red Ribbon Army, as he records a brief video message for his father just before being killed by Goku. It’s a dark and tragic bit of storytelling that helps further humanize Gero, as well as Android 16, and on its own, it’s quite well done, subtly conveying the relationship between this boy and his father.

In the context of this episode though, it feels a little jarring, and the lack of gravitas to the rest of the proceedings is a major factor. I’m also not sure there’s a better place to include this bit of storytelling though, since the show needs to move on to the #CellGames, and the show is certainly better off for having delved into 16’s origins this way. I just wish that the tone of the episode was better suited to this tragic reveal, as the constant jokes surrounding this video leave it feeling out of place.

Thankfully the other two stories match the episode’s overall tone far better, even if the biggest story feels rushed. After escaping up to Kami’s lookout, Goku has a discussion with Piccolo about recreating the Dragonballs, and ends up teleporting to Namek and kidnapping Dende in order to have him remake them, and take up the mantle of Kami on his own.

Having Dende back is easily my favorite part of this episode, as there’s no other character in this show whose level of sass matches his, nor is there another character who plays off Gohan so well (except maybe Piccolo). Dende all too eagerly signs up for taking up the role of Earth’s God, and all the horrifying responsibility that comes with that role, and he even shows a level of brash confidence that can’t be rivaled by any other character, as he blatantly threatens Popo’s life for calling him “Little Green.” I felt exactly as much delight at this arrogance as Popo did, as he twisted his mouth up into a smile, and I genuinely hope that we get to see more of Dende as Earth’s God in the future.

Unfortunately, as great as having Dende’s character back is, the way the episode blows through the story of him recreating the Dragonballs and taking up his divine mantle feels rushed, like we’re seeing this story displayed in its briefest form, and I feel like adding a little more time in between each beat of his ascension would give this story the time to breathe that it needs. As for what we needed more of, the obvious answer is to try and fit in more Dende crushing hard on Gohan, since it only accounts for less than a full minute of time as it is now, but I’m not able to say whether that change would have been possible given the footage and time they had.

The last story that takes place in this episode does not feel rushed or out-of-place, thankfully, and it’s quite the clever gag as well, as a group of reporters interview Cell, who proceeds to regale them with the entire story of Dragon Ball, from the beginning of the original series to the #CellGames here. It’s a very well executed joke that we see in very short snippets throughout the episode, and it ends perfectly, with Cell murdering his interviewer for forgetting to call him “Mr. Perfect Cell.” That’s the story beat we end the episode on, serving as a perfect slice of the entertainment terror yet to come.

Rating: 4/5

Critical Eye Criticism is the work of Jacqueline Merritt, a trans woman, filmmaker, and critic. You can support her continued film criticism addiction on Patreon.

[webbywatcheshorror]

We Need to Do Something (2021)

We Need to Do Something is a movie about a family trapped in their bathroom during a violent and possible unnatural storm. The premise really set my expectations high, but left me pretty disappointed, to be quite honest.

Don't let the little blurb at the bottom of the above poster fool you- if you're expecting anything like the Saw franchise, you're going to be let down. (That said, Jigsaw would definitely put the dad character in a trap and I'd pay to see it.)

Review under the cut, and as always, SPOILERS ahead!

It starts off with some promise. A storm is coming, gather your family into the safest room in the house until it's passed. I've done it plenty of times in my life and I daresay I'll do it again- so I have what you might call some experience. Which, clearly, this family lacks, as they bring absolutely NOTHING by way of supplies. Not snacks, not blankets and pillows, not spare chargers, NOTHING. Aside from Dad's thermos with what appears to be an alcoholic beverage of some sort and a few board/card games.

The bathroom itself is nice and big, which makes me wonder about the rest of the house, but we never actually get to see it. With the exception of a few flashback scenes, the entire movie takes place in the bathroom. (I'm officially calling it- Bathroom Horror is now its own sub-genre. I'm going to make a list.)

My one complaint about the bathroom is but a simple one- why in the name of CAD does the only door open OUTWARDS? Go ahead, look at all the bathroom doors in your house for me. Hell, ANY of the doors in your house. They all open inward, do they not? This simple issue is what causes the rest of the movie to unfold the way it does, so it's not like it was an oversight or anything. It's just baffling to me.

Now onto the characters. I couldn't really feel much attachment to any of them, but I did feel sorry for the kids. Dad's an alcoholic asshole, Mom's a passive aggressive adulterer, and they spend most of the movie bitching at each other at the slightest provocation. The kids are better, they're just fairly typical kids. Sister's a teenager who snarks at her kid Brother (age not stated that I recall, but he's younger than 11 I'd say? I genuinely cannot estimate people's ages.) who pokes fun right back at her. Fairly decently written siblings.

I spent most of the movie waiting for things to get weird, to get creepy, but almost the entire time is spent watching them slowly just unravel- which could have been fine and dandy except I was promised something MORE. And it would have been fine if we were given any indication of how much time has passed, because otherwise they start losing their shit about ten minutes into the storm.

The storm brings down a tree directly through the roof of whatever room the bathroom is attached to and blocks the door, which, again, opens outward for some reason. The 'windows' are far too small to be of any use, and Dad claims the walls are *checks notes* SIX FEET THICK. Now, I never actually used my drafting training to actually make anything, but I'm pretty damn sure nobody builds houses with walls that are six feet thick.

There are so many hilarious moments, but I get the sense that they weren't intended to be funny. But how else am I meant to respond to things like the World's Most Aggressive Rattlesnake and the demon not!dog? Or when, in some kind of fit of madness, Dad starts whipping Mom with the dead rattlesnake after having bitten its head off? ('Like Ozzy,' he says, because 'snakes are just bats that can't fly!')

Most of the dialogue is weirdly phrased or just unrealistic in general, as well as their decision-making. Not once do they search for anything to try to unscrew the door hinges. Towards the final scenes, Mom is able to bust through a part of the wall that leads... Elsewhere? But they didn't bother with doing that anytime beforehand, only after two of them are dead and demons kill the only other people they hear from.

But by far the most unrealistic part is when, in complete seriousness, Daughter confesses that she and her goth gf might have summoned the demon storm with a spell they found on the internet and then didn't even do right. And her parents BELIEVE HER lmao. Like, right away, even. No 'oh sweetie that's ridiculous' or anything.

Some parts felt too rushed through, and some felt too drawn out, and some I wished were handled differently. There was a lot that could have been done with this story, and it really did have some good beats, but overall it felt awkward and kind of boring. And the worst part is the ending- it finally got interesting! Mom comes back from checking what was going on outside (absolutely COVERED in blood by the by) and outright refuses to say what she saw, then there's Sounds coming from the hole she crawled through, they scream, and it ends. We never even got to see the Demon whose tongue they (for some reason???) decided to eat.

I really did want to like the movie, I did, but you can't promise me a supernatural storm and then make me sit through a whole lot of pointless, baffling family drama when there's demons and shit out there. I give this one four outta ten ghosts. It just didn't work for me, but it had me laughing whether or not it meant to. Both times I watched it, I could not help but laugh when the kids are excitedly letting the 'dog' that's just out of their view lick their hands and asking 'oh who's a good boy?' only to be horrified when it answers, gleefully, 'I'm a good boy!' as it licks them.

[allthatisleftinthedark]

"Sino! Would you like to read with me? I got the newest book from Hard in Hightown, and it's pretty good so far!"

He knows noir and romance novels aren't everyone's cup of tea, but he likes sharing something he enjoys with his party members. Plus. It's just nice to simply spend time with them.

unprompted asks | always accepting | @offrozenmemoirs

Settling into her favorite chair within the Lenoir mansion, Sino reclines against the plush purple wingback chair that faces the lit fireplace in the den. With the latest edition of the Roaring Gazette in hand, she perused through each page, flipping through, her eyes skimming over the recent news. 

On the other hand, she holds her lit pipe. She brings it to her lips and inhales deeply. As she pulls the mouthpiece away, a serpentine stream of smog escapes her lips, painting smoky strokes in the air before drifting away. 

While leafing through the current events, the gnome catches the recurring mention of a certain Estrella. 'How quickly she returns to being seen by the entire duchy after missing.' A small smile comes before her eyes move elsewhere. The gossip column theorizes wildly about strange rumors of a town to the south, allegedly cursed by a shadowy specter preying on children and women. A long, drawn-out snort of amusement escapes her. 'Funny how information spreads,' she thinks, idly waving her pipe in the air.

'If we halved that section, there can be a person of a week printed there. Wonder how we'd be able to submit people. Tulia would be a perfect fit there. I can see it now: Tulia Thornshield, The Crimson Eye's Brain and Brawns. Soup would be able to suggest the perfect sketch for it...and she would be massively embarrassed . . . Sounds like a plan.'

The subtle creaking of a door behind him draws Sino's head in that direction. Emerging from the dining room is Seraph, his attire familiar but comfortable without heavy layers of armor, with his dreads neatly drawn into a high bun. In his hand, he holds a thick book. Each step he takes defies gravity, seemingly etherial. Upon closer watch, his eyes are light and dreamy as he clutches the book close. 

"What's that you've got there?" Sino snaps the gazette open, the parchment crinkling under her touch. The cleric doesn't hesitate, shortening distance, his eyes brimming with want. Presenting the book to her, he reveals the cover: Hard in Hightown. 

Her lips press tightly together, a valiant effort to restrain herself. Every part of her must be restrained from making a joke that is inching to come out. Almost visible. Bulging, even. 

"This is part of a series? Never heard of it," she admits, neatly folding the papers and placing them on the teaside table next to her chair. "How long have you been reading that for? Has it been an old flame of yours since your time at the cloister? Or did you discover it on your travels?"

The bookcover, in dreary deep blue shades, depicts an old man's face in the backdrop, skin sagging and frowning, with a young black-haired woman in the foreground, a scar across her left cheek and nose. Deciphering the genre from its cover is a challenge enough. 

Sino can already imagine her shadowy patron, towering and bent, chiding her with a wag of his bony, pale finger: "Don't judge a book by its cover." 

Not everyone has the time to read every line. Some of us can only afford time for a synopsis!Why do I feel like I'm taking that too literally? 

"If you don't mind an audience, shall you bless my ears with your voice and read it out loud?" Sino adjusts herself, drawing her legs into the chair. She gestures to the spacious couch next to the teaside table, which has ample room to accommodate him, the minstrel, and herself. Even Freya and Soot can, if they choose to cozy up between them. 

Sino blinks, baffled. Why did that image cross my mind? 

"I'm not sure if anyone's mentioned this to you or if Soup has brought it up. If no one has, and especially if Soup hasn't, I'm going to beat them to it," Sino rolls her wrist. "Your voice is soothing and would make for a perfect voiceover for theater. You could narrate my morning routine, and I would believe myself to be a starlet on stage." 

"Tell me how it all begins. I'm all ears." Her elbows prop on the armrest closest to the neighboring couch. Her eyes glimmer, silently pleading, almost disarmingly persuasive, ready to counter any hesitations he might harbor. 

[elusive---ivory]

Stupid Piece of Shit (Creepypasta)

Hello fellow gamers, it's been a long time since I've written a fic about creepypasta. I'd thought I'd write about Jeff since he's been on my mind lately- Starring: Jeff the Killer, Ben Drowned, and Andi

Based on the Bojack Horsemen episode Trigger Warning: Depression, Mentions of Suicide, Mania, Mentions of Murder, Mention of drugs.

'You're a stupid piece of shit.' That was Jeff's first thought. Right when he woke up, he had his own voice echoing in his head. 'You're a stupid piece of shit. Why the hell are you even awake.'

He headed downstairs. This home was a run-down manor in the middle of the wood. The wood of the house was partially caved in and there was nothing he could do about it. He was crashing in places. He didn't really have a choice considering the fact that he's a murder.

'You forgot to go shoplifting again. You stupid idiot.' Jeff rolled his eyes. There wasn't much he could do because he had spent his last twenty dollars on a bag of weed. He grumbled, grabbing a black mask before walking out. 'It would so much easier to just kill myself.'

He began to scowl at the general population. He hated the world. He hated how it made him. He was simply a child when it all started, but he was stuck walking down his path of leading his own self-destruction. Finally, he made it to the convenience store.

The cashier seemed intimidated by this large fellow. Her eyes followed him around the store. This wasn't the first time she had seen the man. He'd spend a long time looking at the slushies as they swished and swooshed around in the machine. She slowly went up to the man, tapping on his shoulder. "Hey, are you gonna buy something?"

"Huh?" Jeff looked down, noticing the small cashier. "Yeah, I'm just getting a slushie." 'You came here for food, you piece of shit.'

The cashier nodded, eyeing him funny. "Well, I figured you've been staring at the machine for an hour."

Jeff glared, thinking to himself. 'Oh, my bad, your highness. This bitch is noisy. I should totally kill her.'

"I just came over to see if you need help." The cashier looked away from the man's menacing glare.

His glare shifted. He shook away his thoughts. "Uh, no, thanks." He looked down at her nametag. "Andi?"

The cashier chuckled nervously. "It's not a problem. I'm gonna go back to the register." She used a step stool to stand at the register.

'She thinks you're fucking creepy. You dumb fuck. Why can't you just act normal? You'd think people would befriend you if they knew who you really are. You fucking suck.' Jeff rolled his eyes once again. The voice in his head was deafening. It was getting louder and louder.

Jeff poured himself a cherry-flavored slushie, and approached the counter. He checked his pockets, and there was nothing in them. He sighed. "Alright. How much did you say it was?"

The cashier sighed. "You know, what. You can just take it."

Jeff raised an eyebrow. "Really? You're serious?"

"Yeah, I'll pay for it, man. I hope you have a nice night!" The cashier smiled brightly.

Jeff took the slushie and walked out of the store. He was baffled. 'Someone was nice to me...' He thought. 'Andi... that's their name..'

He walked up to the house. It is still condemned as before. The only plus about the place is that it still had electricity. He walked over to the bag of weed he had sitting on the couch. The bag was there, but there wasn't any weed left. He growled, turning on his Nintendo 64.

"Ben, you're gonna be one sorry bastard." He growled.

A very high Ben appeared through the screen. "And, what are gonna do about it? Kill me?"

In a fit of rage, Jeff broke the controller.

[a-caterpillars-world]

izurus kamukuras for the ask game ^^

favorite thing about them: his sillies i think his relationship with hajime is really interesting and could very easily be expanded upon if team dr was ever interested in making postgame content for him (or anyone really). he has a lot of threads left incomplete and while it is frustrating from a writing standpoint it does make me sympathize with him a lottt more than some others

least favorite thing about them: im sorry I think him having every talent ever is silly he doesnt even ever do anything interesting with it imo

favorite line: i cannot remember a single full line of izuru dialogue i am sorry dr3 watchers

brOTP: honestlyyy any evilfied 77b kid could be funny and im including myself in that statement. i think he should also be friends with chiaki and hajime and nagito breaking up the protagonists is a narrative crime

OTP: contractually obligated to say kamukoma and also I don't really have big opinions on izuru shipping anyway. cheers to nagito for being the only human alive izuru is at all fond of ig

nOTP: do I even have to say it.

random headcanon: constantly playing 4d gender chess with herself in their head. i think izuru should have fun genders. i think xey should have a new gender each week and explain nothing.

unpopular opinion: honestly izuru would be so much better in a black comedy type media than danganronpa and its baffling that the story sets up big dramatic emotional plots for him and then does nothing with them. hes such a perfect straight man no funny business type that he would fit right in

edit on the above point by "black comedy" I don't and never will mean edgy rightwing nonsense I mean like. black comedy in the way that chicago the musical is a black comedy. all of these people are awful but you're still dying to know how it ends etc. I am not a theatre kid do not come at me for not knowing what words mean I just mean he would fit right in in sillier media

song i associate with them: i'm at the beach today by drive45. i'm a scary monster im just sooo sick and twisted i'm the only person that's felt narcissistic etc

favorite picture of them:

small merch of izuru is hysterical to me