#flatpack attack

[gcballet]

Mischief Movie Night In 2020-21 as Headlines

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[the-flat-pack-kitchen-co]

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[hexcrystals]

i hope in s3e1 we get a little montage of stede and ed decorating the cabin

there's so much potential. like i want them laughing together bc they're meant to be painting but they're sneak attacking each other with the paintbrush. i want ed talking to more stuff as he fixes it. i want them sitting back and sighing and being like 'ah. a nice rest after a long day's hard work' and then the camera pans to how they've painted half a wall and that's it. i want them to have dumb little squabbles while they're building ye olde flatpack furniture. i want the end of it to be them proudly unveiling a sign with whatever cute ass name they choose for their inn

[peaceful7ea]

no AU or headcanon will ever be as funny as me and my sibling 'Yes, And'-ing each other while driving to the point of inventing the "Deconstructicons", a group who instead of being a combiner, just kinda. break combiners apart midfight. Reverse Ikea Flatpack. They show up, the lego breaking sound happens, and you are forcibly removed from the Gestalt. And they're all minicons. it's like being attacked by several determined ants.

[theprison1974]

thank u @paulmccartneyswagdotcom for the tag <3

Do you make your own bed?

i put the sheets and pillows right in the morning but still kinda messily. idk its never super neat but i like everything to at least be in the right place :)

Favourite number?

i like 16, not sure why it just Speaks to me. 4x4 and thats lovely because i like 4 as well!

What's your job?

i have a part time job working as a cafe assistant at a little kids play centre! its alright, i like baking so its cool to have a job where i can get paid to bake, but cleaning up after kids parties can be pretty hellish.

If you could go back to school, would you?

absolutely not!!!! i found secondary school pretty rough due to dealing with undiagnosed autism, and what i now recognise as regular panic attacks, which made even getting out of the house a real struggle a lot of the time. i like learning and i liked seeing my friends every day and i liked the routine of it all, but overall not an experience i would want to repeat.

Can you parallel park?

i cant drive yet.... gonna start lessons soon though !!!

Do you think aliens are real?

i think theres no way life, in some form, doesnt exist out there. i dont think theres a dr who/x-files/sci-fi whatever type scenario going on out there in deep space, but i think theres gotta be some space bugs or something like that. i also just think its nice to imagine life out there :D

Can you drive a manual car?

see previous driving answer

What's your guilty pleasure?

i will say i havent indulged in this one in a while, but i do really enjoy watching drama videos about youtubers or tiktokers that i couldnt give less of a shit about. very schadenfreudian.... i was having the time of my life back when the james charles and tati westbrook beef was going on!

Any phobias?

bad at heights!!! im fine as long as my feet are on the ground, so mountains are chill, but being in a plane or on a zipline or anything like that SUCKS i hate it

Favourite childhood sport?

i used to row all the time when i was younger!! i loved it a lot and honestly i really miss it, i keep meaning to get back at it but it just never happens :( i also played netball for a bit which was fun

Do you talk to yourself?

yes, a Lot! i find that speaking out loud is the easiest way for me to organise my thoughts. a lot of the time i will just sit in my room talking about something i love as though im reading out an essay or giving a presentation lol

Tattoos?

i have 11, all handpoked by my or my brother!! i have plans to do more soon, i find it very meditative to just poke away at myself for a few hours. i go back and forth over whether id like to get a professional tattoo done one day, really not sure tbh!! my favourite one is a little fishy on my right arm :)

Favourite colour?

yellow!!!! bright and happy and lovely :D i also love green and red and orange, a lot of autumny and earthy colours

Do you like puzzles?

love to put them together, hate having to figure out what to do next. ive loved assembling things since i was tiny, lego, flatpack furniture, puzzles, anything like that. my friend got me a diy kit for one of those little bookshelf nooks for my last birthday and i looooved putting it together, but now ive just got this thing that i need to find a place for and that frustrates me

this was very fun im gonna tag @officialmichaelnesmith @oldmanpusspuss @cruelfeast and @bathroomcorpse :D

[darkwingphoenix]

The Mega Meme Bake Part 2

Why Evie doesn't go on many missions with Skylie (One of many times Skylie let her):

POV: You're a Sakhlian horseman assaulting down a hill

Sai or Justinia being used by their kids/husband as pillows

Pelly when told to make a distraction (It's working)

Sai and Justinia wearing crop tops be like:

Saraia when she thinks she's only killed 3 Evangeline High Kings

Zaila accidentally becoming a queen of most of Noalen's native selkies:

Indigo saving Vex be like (They spent all of the AFPINIOT War tryna get back with the armies and winding up getting lost ASF):

Cecaelia bridge guards be like:

Gnome Blacksmith making a Gnome-sized Sword:

Skylie providing combat support for the Kuun'Dorani soldiers she leads be like:

Rosanna and Zaila being hyper flirts with Argus and Iara:

Skylie telling a story only to pull Looming Gaia's first ever rickroll:

Plum's boyfriend helping his twin sister date Plum's lavender GF only to start dating Plum

Indigo and his betrothed being awkwardly cute over the years

Maia being a bandit queen by night and a princess by day

Evie, Alani and Kodi (A 5 year old sirene divine Skylie adopts) bein cuties

Alaine causing a distraction for the FGG:

Miku, Tamar and Ketevan's Electro Matsne saying she can take both of em (They're both cooked):

The Kumiri tribes uniting to build a massive earthwork monument to Skylie when she pulls up:

A Chadrak local talking about an immature akhlut living near Chadrak being a menace to society yet being loved despite that:

Saraia every winter holiday (She spends the 12 days before whatever winter holiday she practices delivering hands to slavers and sapient traffickers all over the world)

Skylie kidnapping Argus to deliver him to Rosanna after she fled Evangeline Capital:

Truk singing while he fishes (He's just a lil kooky):

Skylie showing Saraia a plant/eel monster Skylie forges when she's high off something (Saraia was too stunned to speak):

Skylie and Saraia making Rivermere fold by holding a party while keeping Rivermere blockaded (And also setting up a flatpack castle)

Skylie talking about platypuses, a Bevri Sakhli server exclusive:

Skylie and Saraia doin a concert:

Zaila's selkie subjects making a distraction so that Her Highness can sneak a wholeass boulderback into Greenhearst to wreak havoc so that Maia's bandits can besiege it without siege weapons:

Skylie and her nieces, nephews and kids doing a DND game she made up (And Zaila carrying an encounter after everyone rolled 1s and got knocked out)

Skylie ranting when Cerulea says her DND game causes violence:

Zaila assassinating Greenhearst's archbishop with a cheap mall katana:

Glenvar chasing a limniad tryna fight it (He's drunk ASF)

Zaila telling Sai she got attacked by Greenhearst monks after the city was taken (Sai's goin mama bear mode):

Zaila cheering up her parents after they learned Justinia was captured by Kelvingyard slavers (Maia's bandits jumped the convoy Justinia was in and Zaila's carrying Justinia):

Saraia ranting:

Rosanna trying to get into Argus' pants after the AFPINIOT wins the War for Noalen (She got a pair of monsters commissioned by Krozlaug to cheer her attempts on):

Maia after doing bandit raids with her bandit group (She's still a princess and needs to look fly):

Skylie distracting some Kelvingyard slavers with dem shoulders:

Saraia's main magic class:

Kodi and Evie making a distraction with a buncha children from a nearby village in Greenhearst:

The philosophy of the Kumiri when compared to the Kuun (Who ignore half of these for reasons):

Iara complimenting Zaila's pants (And Zaila tryna bed her):

Amethyst, Lavender, Plum, and Paimon during the Siege of Kelvingyard (They're all in the same cage in a prison):

Skylie doing a Cerno by accident and making a Venom Symbiote/Zombie plague monster (And infecting Sandara (Sandrone rebrand) and Tyr with the second most benign form that basically makes them Venom):

Cobalt and Bavar's only agreement ever:

Marine and Bavar's kids reacting to their pre-rebrand names (Plum got a MASSIVE downgrade IMO):

Skylie's eyes going dark when she locks into combat:

Sai or Justinia if they streamed:

Skylie actively using spinning attacks despite them being an ineffective at best (Spinning attacks become effective once you spin fast enough to become a blender):

The song Pelly makes up on the fly while watching Tyr and Sandara start to use their Marukian Rot abilities to their fullest while combining them with their Khedva and combat skills to perform a jailbreak:

Skylie doing a dance from a concert she held for her family during the victory party of the War for Noalen:

Pelly breaking out of the Ethereal City after being captured due to her connection to Skylie and into Kelvingyard be like:

Kodi, Evie and Pelly vibing during the Siege of Kelvingyard (Evie and Kodi broke in using cartoon shenanigans):

Indigo and Zaila doing some twin bonding:

Kodi and Tyr being the best cousins ever (And abusing their Floe Khedva to freeze half of Kelvingyard while having cousin fun):

Zaila and Maia truly bonding as sisters while Maia's bandits take Greenhearst:

Sai being eccentric (AKA undiagnosed autistic) and Cobalt being reasonably confused by his wife's sleeping habits:

Indigo finding Ahao after the Siege of Greenhearst (He got trapped under some rocks and Maia forgot about him while bonding with Zaila):

Sai seeing Maia and her twins after giving birth to them:

Maia giving Zaila archery tips (They're bonding after the Siege of Greenhearst and sitting on Little Friend's back while traveling to Maia's bandit lair):

Cobalt walking in on Sai trying on his shirt (Its buttons never stood a chance against her jugs):

Maia, Indigo, Vex and Zaila joining the battle near Folkvar a tad late and being badasses (This is the last battle of the war and Vex and Indigo missed everything else):

Saraia hating on a painting of her to Cobalt:

A buncha pictures Skylie takes of her adopted kids who grew up:

Karenza when Skylie learns Pelly was captured by her:

A song Skylie makes that her siblings all relate to:

Skylie when her nieces, nephews and kids carried 1 siege, pulled another siege off entirely without help, and were instrumental to the War for Noalen (Rodrig is questioning her loyalties to anyone, and she kills him for the impudence):

Paimon and Skylie chatting when they're both high:

Sandara fighting for her life (Against a raven who's having fun messing with her):

Greenhearst's guards capturing Zaila and Mocha (They forgot about Little Friend):

Evie and Kodi telling Skylie they crave violence against the slavers:

Baby swamp things being hunted by crocs (Their mama ate the crocodile):

Fishing prep in North Haze be like:

Evie and Kodi hiding from an ogre slaver (Skylie annihilated him 0.3 nanoseconds later)

Iara singing to Zaila before they start dating (Skylie got her to do it):

Skylie being in heat constantly once she and Saraia start dating:

Iara after Zaila fell down some stairs (ISTG my fave ship dynamic is Adorable Idiot and Tired Asshole Who's Soft For Their Adorable Idiot):

Cobalt when someone comments about Sai's hip dips (They're bouta be publicly executed):

Like 50% of all monsters ever:

Gondoliers in Kuun'Dorani Aquarian districts be like:

Maia and Zaila vibing during the siege of Folkvar Capital:

Bevri Sakhlians being neighbors to everyone but Bevri Sakhlians be like (It is 5:30 AM in the morning):

Kodi and Evie being cutie patooties:

Skylie's 3 year old dworf divine kid Tutkana being adorable:

Barus Lyndia when the House of Humanity:

Sai serving as battlefield support for the Evangelite rebels:

[blogger2121212]

Unveiling the Hidden Features of Electric Screwdrivers

The Sonic Screwdriver is one of the iconic symbols from British science fiction TV show Doctor Who and its spin-offs. This multipurpose tool can do everything from opening doors to reflecting laser weapons back at their attacker.

At such an unbeatably low price point, its affordability cannot be beaten; however, some advanced features like variable speed motor and clutch are missing. Still, its powerful 4V battery will power many screws on one charge while providing ample illumination via its LED work light.

1. Power

An electric screwdriver’s motor provides the turning force necessary for driving screws. Torque, or amount of pressure that the tool can apply to screws, is measured in Newton meters (Nm). You can customize your torque settings using gear system adjustments; this enables you to drive screws with more force but at slower speeds in order to prevent damage to screws.

Some textbooks and vocational schools instruct mechanics to grind down the tips of screwdriver blades for tighter fitting, which helps minimize screw head deformation. Unfortunately, doing this could weaken their induction-hardened finish and diminish durability of their screwdriver.

2. Design

Electric motors alone aren’t powerful enough to turn screws, so smart electric screwdrivers often feature a gear reduction system to give them enough force. Most often using dual-planetary gear designs like 56:1, they provide enough strength for driving screws with one turn of the motor resulting in one rotation of the chuck.

Design of electric screwdrivers includes clutch settings that prevent breaking or stripping fasteners, while some models feature adjustable clutch settings so you can select the ideal torque level for different situations.

3. Comfort

Installing screws into timber, plaster and flatpack furniture can be exhausting work for arms. A quality electric screwdriver can help alleviate some of this strain on hands and arms by allowing users to work faster with less effort required from their bodies.

There is an array of electric screwdrivers designed to meet various goals and needs, from basic models that resemble manual ones to more expensive sets with extra bits and accessories. More expensive versions often offer features like variable torque control or clutch systems to make them better suited to complex tasks.

4. Safety

Screwdrivers play an indispensable part of home improvement and industrial work alike. Used to assemble and disassemble items as well as provide strength and speed needed for assembly or disassembly processes, screwdrivers provide essential strength and speed needed to assemble or disassemble tasks successfully.

Electric screwdrivers feature a mechanical component known as the gear system that transfers massive amounts of power and torque directly to their screw bits. This complex mechanism includes sun gears, ring gears and three planet gears which rotate around one another (See Figure 1).

To reduce potential injuries, an electric screwdriver’s body should be designed for maximum shock-absorbency and resistance against harsh environments and conditions. Furthermore, its plug should include RCD (residual current device) protection to help avoid shock as well as fire risks. It is essential to check regularly for burn marks, arcing and other signs of electrical faults; some models come equipped with non-contact voltage indicators in the handle that light up when they come into contact with live circuits.

[flanklurker]

Valorant Protocol Roommate Headcanons

No-one fucken asked but I delivered. Cypher, Omen and Skye cause I love them, more coming probably. gn reader

Cypher

Tbh, something has to have gone very wrong for Cypher to have a roommate. Expect the first few weeks for him to be actively trying to drive you out.

Obnoxious tool noises, dark muttering and whirring at all hours, stink eyes across the room on the rare occasion he makes eye contact, you name it.

But what Brim says goes.

If by some miracle you’re on good terms to start with, you’re probably already familiar with some of his idiosyncrasies.

Once the initial shock has gone, Cypher is the kind of roommate that really depends on your lifestyle. He’s not one to have parties all the time, but you will have to be able to deal with lights and fidgeting into the small hours of the morning.

Would highly recommend learning Arabic, if only to enjoy the creativity of his cussing. “I hope you wake up before your alarm and all your toenails have been replaced with dollar store gemstones.” That shit hits different at 3am

Do not expect to see any of his work. You get the sense that the general vicinity is boobytrapped to the point of overkill

Any portraits you manage to glimpse are probably no longer a threat to the Protocol…

Sinister as Cypher can be, you can always rely on a poorly-timed quip to make you spit your drink

Memorise his coffee (milk and 1 according to fanon), and you are instantly bumped to the bottom of the ‘would kill if he had to’ list

You are also the first to know ALL the best gossip. Like, you know who’s got a thing for who before they do.

You catch a glimpse of him just once without the mask. Disarmingly handsome, with kind eyes that crinkle up at the corners. Maybe just maybe it wasn’t unintentional that you were shown something

Overall 9/10, very polite, know you would never be attacked in the dead of night unless you’d done something reaaaaaaally bad to piss your roommate off.

Omen

“I don’t need a room. Or a mate”

However bad Cypher is, this guy is worse. Luckily, he’s more of the type to ghost you than get you to leave. First couple of weeks, you don’t see this ghostly man AT ALL

Weirdly, the room has occasional signs of life, like folded laundry and bandages, and if you’re particularly observant, you might notice that the bed made slightly differently every morning

Eventually, you find his lurk on the roof. “Omen you have to stop doing this, I promise I won’t bite, and it can’t be comfortable spending all your time up here.

He disappears, but the next day you find him spending a little bit more time in the room.

Give it a couple of months, and the Renaissance of Omen is upon you. Expect baked goods, fresh flowers arranged on the table, freshly pressed linen and most importantly, the most elegant knitted scarves and blankets. Even for someone that physically doesn’t sleep, Omen is PROLIFIC man

Omen takes curating his space as a way of keeping him grounded. He moves noiselessly and doesn’t disturb the world around him, content to watch, and arrange, and chip away at his projects

How do you feel about cat hair?

“Omen, we can’t keep her. Phoenix is allergic” “Even better, he won’t snoop.” “Omen, we’re hardened killers-” “So is she.” “Where would we even… oh, you’ve already knitted her a bed” “Her name is Pyjama.” “Like, singular?” “Yes.”

It’s honestly like a wild sparrow landing on you the first time it happens—you have to hold your breath when you see Omen curled up on your shared couch, cat on lap gently batting the yarn as he knits a pastel blue beanie.

Legit? 11/10 roommate he’s a really pleasant ghostly man to be around, and you can sleep well knowing he’d never let anyone get close.

Skye

Speaking as an Aussie, fucken excellent. Like, god tier roommate

Day one, you know she’s a good find when she helps you move all your furniture.

“Mate, I can whack together a flatpack or two in no time, no wuckers.”

Three things guaranteed: -> A climber’s pull-up rig on the door -> The smell of eucalyptus and teatree and sweat, but not like unpleasant sweat -> Spiders

I hope you don’t mind spiders. “Mate, they’re just fucken daddy longlegs yeah? Harmless lil buggers, AND they keep the mosquitoes out. Pick one.”

Skye gets up EARLY for her runs. If you’re not careful, you’ll be roped in too. Don’t believe her when she says 20 minutes, she’s talking 20 minutes from when you reach the edge of known civilisation and not accounting for when you get lost bush-bashing

Gives good advice and is a great person to vent to. Always in your corner

Always signing up for those month fitness challenges. She’ll whack a yoga mat down and go into a plank while you’re on a briefing call, sweaty breathing and everything

Skye makes a MEAN plant-based steak burger. Like, whatever dark secrets she holds, probably better not to ask, but it tastes fucken amazing

She takes campfire duty SERIOUSLY. I’m talking blankets, marshmallows, beers, trivia games and a prize selection of novelty instruments and games

Always raring for an arm wrestle comp… I mean, with those guns can you blame her?

Okay, I say this with love, but she’s a screamer. If she’s bringing home a special someone and they get handsy, find another room for the night. Lowkey though, if she says ‘fucken join in then cvnt’, she means it

Will absolutely get into a Netflix series with you, no questions asked. WILL make you laugh at inappropriate times though fair warning.

I just love her so much I

10/10 daddy longlegs are great and so is Skye

[bonniebird]

Bella x Reader

Requested by anon​

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AN: I decided that Bella and the Reader should swear. Hopefully it gives Edward a heart attack.

Masterlist

When Bella headed down to the kitchen mid afternoon she was surprised to see that Charlie was still at home. She’d planned to head out  to see Jacob and had slept in a little longer than usual. 

Charlie was washing up the dishes from the night before. When she looked around she could see that the papers that had been on the kitchen table had been tidied away and all of the take away boxes that had been abandoned in the kitchen were in several black bin bags.

“Hey.” Bella said. Her tone was short but light. Charlie glanced at her and realised she had noticed he’d cleaned up.

“I cleaned up.” He commented. Bella laughed lightly and nodded as she joined him at the sink, grabbing a dish cloth to dry the dishes on the rack.

“Yeah I saw. Anything… going on?” She asked and Charlie sighed.

“Look. I didn’t want to say anything as I wasn’t really sure what would happen and you had so much going on with…” Charlie trailed off and Bella nodded. They didn’t talk about Edward. It was like a forbidden word that hurt each time it was spoken. “An… an old Cop friend, a Sheriff asked if I would be willing to take in a kid who's moving up here from California. The family was… well there isn’t a family any more and well. I said we’d take them in. He said they're a good kid, work hard…”

When Charlie trailed off Bella glanced away. She was curious about what could have happened to your family. But she wouldn’t ask. She had lost Edward and it nearly finished her off. She couldn’t imagine losing Charlie for good too. You must have lost everyone.

“Do you need me to help with anything?” Bella asked after they both finished with the dishes. Charlie frowned and looked around.

“I think I have it all covered. Do you think that the place looks alright?” He asked and Bella laughed.

“I’ve never seen it so clean.” She joked. She hadn’t noticed it when she’d headed into the kitchen but the hallway was cleaner and she assumed the rest of the house would be too. She followed Charlie into the front room that had been his office. There was a flatpack bed and a side table, they hadn’t been put together yet. There was an old wardrobe against one wall that someone had put outside their home to get rid of it a few days earlier which Charlie must have snatched up. A well worn, comfortable looking chair sat by the window with a small side table. Bella recognised the chair, it was one of Billy’s. She wondered how long Charlie had known about the new comer. How long he’d been planning to help them move in. She felt a pang of guilt for missing it. But Charlie didn’t seem put off.

“I still have to build the bed and find a mattress. Sue said she had a spare desk that I could put in here… anything else?” Charlie glanced at Bella as she looked around.

“Maybe a set of drawers? A rug… did you ever fix the radiator?” Bella asked. Charlie snapped his fingers and shook his head.

“I knew I missed something important.” He grumbled. He glanced around and frowned. “I have to get to work but, maybe you could make a list if you think of anything else and I’ll call someone about fixing that radiator.” Charlie said as he glanced at his watch. Bella smiled and nodded. She watched as Charlie hurried off and looked around the sparsely furnished room. She frowned for a moment before hurrying out og the room and jogged up the stairs, pausing at the airing cupboard. She rummaged through until she found her spare bedspread and carried it down to the bedroom, setting it on the chair. 

She took a moment to stare out of the window, wondering who exactly Charlie had taken in. He hadn’t said anything that gave her a clue. As she stared at the window she saw Jacob pulling up in the drive, carefully parking his bike next to her truck. With a wave to him she hurried to let him in the house. She filled him in on what happened and he nodded. 

“I remember Billy saying something about that.” He answered.

“I know we were going to head out to La Push but what if we put this together for Charlie first?” Bella asked Jacob.

“Yeah sure. I don’t think it would be too hard.” Jacob said eagerly. It took twice as long than either of them had thought but after several hours they had the bed and the side table assembled. Bella smiled when they put the bed in the right place. She made a note to tell Charlie to get some curtains for the window as she and Jacob tidied up.

**********

A week later Bella came home from hanging out with Jacob to find the house filled with the smell of food. She frowned and hurried through to the kitchen. She smiled when she saw Sue Clearwater and waved to her as she greeted Bella.

“What’s going on?” Bella asked. She could hear Charlie grunting and grumbling from the other room.

“They’re arriving today! Charlie got the dates mixed up. He’s finishing their room and I’m on dinner duty. After such a long trip. Nearly seventeen hours. I figured they’d want something to eat and settle in their room. I didn’t want them eating take out on their first day here.” Sue explained. Bella nodded and looked around. The kitchen table was already covered with different kinds of food and whatever Sue had in the oven smelled delicious.

“Do you need any help?” She asked Sue.

“No at the moment but I think your dad might?” She said as if she wasn’t certain and Bella nodded, heading out to find Charlie.

He was standing on a short ladder trying to hang a curtain rail. It had only been a week but Charlie had managed to put the room together. The desk from Sue sat between a short bookcase and the large wardrobe against one wall. The small built in closet now had shelves and a rail to hang things on. She’d helped Charlie pick out a rug, it was a large simple grey one with several smaller rugs by Billy's old chair and the side of the bed. The radiator now worked and had warmed up the usually cold room so that it seemed more comfortable. 

“Need some help?” Bella asked and Charlie sighed.

“Could you hold the end of the curtains. I can get this up then.” He asked quickly. Bella nodded and hurried over, holding the curtains. She spotted a few packs of fairy lights on the bed as she did. Jacob had found some spare and had said he’d drop them off, Sue must have brought them over with her. Bella’s attention was drawn out to the drive when she saw a blue Jeep with black doors pull up next to the drive. It stopped and Bella pointed it out. Once Charlie was finished hanging the curtains he hurried down the ladder and joined her in looking out.

“I don’t actually know what they look like.” Charlie admitted. Bella laughed and shook her head.

“Let’s go and see who it is?” Bella offered. Charlie agreed and they headed out, calling to Sue to let her know that you’d arrived. They hurried out to the drive and Charlie waved. Bella smiled when she saw you nervously looking at the house. She could see that the Jeep was jammed full of objects, some were even attached to the roof.

“You Charlie?” You asked as you got out.

“I am. You must be (Y/N).” He said back. 

“Yup.” You said as you walked over to him and looked at Bella. Charlie chuckled lightly as you gave him a firm handshake.

“I’m Bella.” Bella said quickly and you smiled, shaking her hand too. There was a long awkward silence that passed between the three of you. Sue cleared the air but hustled outside.

“Is that them? It was (Y/N) right? Come on in and get some food and we can get what you need out of your car tonight. Bella you’re here tomorrow aren’t you? Maybe you could help (Y/N) unpack… if that’s what they want?” Sue said. Bella watched as a watery smile spread across your face as if Sue had reminded you of someone. You nodded and followed her inside with a relieved Charlie close behind. Bella glanced back at the Jeep before heading inside.

[numptypylon]

For WIP Wednesday, I thought I would try to do something with the longitudinal narrative of Homeward Bound, and the fact I write soooo non-linearly. So here’s a snippet from each of the three December chapters in that story (chapters 2, 14 and 26), hope you enjoy 🤗 The story is Rayllum modern AU housemates-to-lovers VERY slowburn.

“I’m really sorry,” Callum groaned, hefting his end of the bed. “They said they’d help. But then… there was a party starting early and-”

“It’s fine,” Rayla said cheerfully. “Happens.” It happened to him. “At least they helped you load the van, that’s something!”

“I can do the rest, if you just help me get the biggest wardrobe flatpacks inside?” He had no idea how to put together an IKEA wardrobe, and he was afraid it was not a one-person job, but he had already-

“But… I’m here?” Rayla said, confused. “Happy to put off revising the Latin names of all the bones of the hand.”

“I didn’t… want to impose and just… start off being a giant pain and annoying you before I even moved in,” Callum said, rubbing his neck.

“Going for the classic ‘undersell’ after I already bought you as a housemate?”

“Well… my moving guys ate my pizza and bailed so… there’s that.” 

“And that makes you awful and not them… how again?”

For the first time, he looked over at her, bent in concentration over her gingerbread person… or… devil? It looked like it had horns, clearly she had taken some creative liberties when she had stamped them out.

“Are you making gingerbread Satan?” he asked, snorting. It would be just like her to do some lame pun on the letters, like ‘there was a typo and oops, Satan has to deliver the presents now, good thing he likes red’.

“Damnit! No!” She laughed. “That would have been good. But no. It’s an assassin. With horns.” She held up the gingerbread assassin to show him. “See? She has a sword too. She had two, but one broke off and I ate it, so she’ll just have to work harder at the assassining and make do.”

“Why though?” he laughed. “Where did that come from?”

“Because yours was always gonna be prettier, so I just had to be different, instead.” She headbutted his shoulder, nodding at his gingerbread man. “Look at that thing, Callum! It has crosshatching!”

“Oh yeah, Callum,” she looked up at him, smiling widely, her cheeks red from the cold. “We’ll tell our grandkids the romantic story of how we got together, the spark as our hands met fondling snow-elf crotch-”

Callum sputtered, which was good because… it was not just laughter, but he could lean into the laughter part and steer well clear of… the other bit. It was ridiculous, that was the point. “Truly, a romance for the ages, ours,” he said, hoping if he just made it sound ridiculous, it would feel like it, too. “A tale of banana-flavored barf and truly hideous snuggies and dragon-attack pranks and gingerbread assassins and snow-elves with too many... appendages.”

“Still a better love story than Twilight.”

[skyfire85]

FLIGHTLINE: 196 - MIG 1.44/1.42 (FLATPACK/FOXGLOVE)

- The MiG 1.44 demonstrator on display at the 2015 MAKS show. | Photo: Hornet Driver

Intended as an answer to the US's Advanced Technology Demonstrator, the MiG 1.44 stumbled through a long gestation, then was unceremoniously canceled.

The USAF's Advanced Technology Demonstrator program sought to replace the F-15 Eagle, and the Air Force's requirements included a number of cutting edge technologies such as supercruise (the ability to travel at Mach 1+ without afterburner) and stealth. The Soviet Union took note of the program, and set its OKBs (Опытное конструкторское бюро" – Opytnoye Konstruktorskoye Byuro, "Experimental Design Bureau") to work designing a replacement for the Su-27 that would challenge the new US jet. The MiG OKB set to work designing two aircraft, a light fighter (LFI - Lyogkiy Frontovoy Istrebitel, "Light Frontline Fighter"), and a multirole heavy aircraft (MFI - Mnogofunksionalni Frontovoy Istrebitel, "Multifunctional Frontline Fighter"). Tests were carried out at TsAGI (Tsentralniy Aerogidrodinamicheskiy Institut, "Central Aero- and Hydrodynamic Institute") to refine the designs of both aircraft, which included canards and delta wings in an aerodynamically unstable design, which is useful for improving agility. As the programs progressed, MiG settled on an intake ramp below the cockpit, with variable geometry ramps to control airflow and thrust vectoring nozzles on the engines, which improved both maneuverability and short takeoff performance. Further testing at TsAGI validated the designs' estimated radar cross-sections and flight profiles. In 1987 MiG submitted both the LFI and MFI for official VVS (Soviet Air Force) review. While both aircraft were approved, MiG dropped the LFI project to concentrate dwindling funding on the MFI, now designated Isdeliye ("Item") 1.42. Testing advanced to radio-controlled wind tunnel models, which showed that the 1.42's design was controllable at angles of attack approaching 60°. By 1988 the specifications of the MFI had been set, and second review by the VVS was completed in 1991, with MiG being given the go-ahead to begin construction of a full-scale technology demonstrator, designated the MiG 1.44.

SPECIFICATIONS

-Orthograph of the MiG 1.44 MFI. | Illustration: bagera3005

The MiG 1.44 was a twin-tailed, canard and delta winged fifth-generation multirole fighter design, although some elements of its design are unconfirmed due to the cancellation of the program. It is known that the airframe was of aluminum-lithium alloy (35%), steel and titanium alloy (30%), composite (30%) and other material (5%) construction. The aircraft was 21.7 meters long, with a wingspan of 17 meters and a height of 4.5 meters. Empty weight was 18,000kg, while design max takeoff weight was to be 37,000 kilos, with a fuel capacity of 13,000kg. The twin vertical stabilizers continued below the wing, with the upper portions canted outwards (likely for RCS control). The two AL-41F afterburning variable-bypass turbofans, designed for the MFI project, produced 177 kN of thrust, which was expected to push the 1.42 to a maximum speed of 2,480kmh (Mach 2.35) at 17,000 meters altitude, with a supercruise of Mach 1.5. The intake ramps and ducts were lined with radar-absorbent material (RAM) to reduce the aircraft's RCS. The exhaust nozzles were lined with ceramic tiles to reduce the infrared signature of the MFI, and could be asymmetrically vectored in both pitch and yaw planes, which was anticipated to give the 1.44/1.42 great maneuverability and STOL performance.

-The exhaust nozzles of the AL-41F turbofans. The lighter inner portions are the ceramic tiles. | Photo: Military Parade

Range was estimated at 4,000km, although if that is with or without stores is unclear. The production 1.42 would have been armed with a 30mm GSh-30-1 autocannon, as well as R-37, -73 and -77 air-to-air missiles in an internal weapons bay, as well as an undetermined suite of ground attack munitions. Munitions and auxiliary fuel tanks could be carried under the wings as well, at the cost of increasing the RCS. The 1.44's cockpit (painted the de rigueur VVS turquoise) featured all digital controls and displays, with an integrated computer-stabilized fly-by-wire system. The 1.42 was projected to have an N014 radar, which had a passive electronically scanned array antenna with Pulse-Doppler look-down, shoot-down capacity. Range of the radar was estimated at 420km, and the system was able to track 40 targets while attacking 20.

NEARLY TEN YEARS WAIT FOR LESS THAN FORTY MINUTES OF FLYING...

Construction of the 1.44 was approximately 50% complete when the USSR collapsed in 1991, which led to an indefinite freeze of the MFI program. Some static test articles, including a full mockup, were completed, which enabled MiG to undertake some testing while the tech demonstrator languished. In 1994 the still-incomplete airframe was shipped to Zhukovsky Airfield for flight tests, and by the end of the year enough work had been completed to allow ground tests, including high-speed taxi tests.

-The MiG 1.44 at an unknown field. The dark gray wingtips are dielectric fairings containing ECM/ESM equipment. | Photo: MiG OKB

Funding dried up again in 1995, bringing a halt to testing. MiG lobbied to have the MiG MFI declassified so that the aircraft could be displayed at the annual MAKS airshow in order to interest foreign clients, but this was denied. A second request prior to the 1997 MAKS show met a similar fate. That same year, the Russian government officially canceled the MiG 1.42 MFI, citing the high unit cost, lack of mission, and surplus of Su-27 and MiG-29 aircraft. The program was declassified the following year, with pictures appearing in domestic and foreign press, and on 12 January 1999 the 1.44 was officially rolled out for the Russian military and government, as well as journalists from Russia and around the world.

-Journalists photograph the MiG 1.44 during its roll-out in 1999. | Photo: Military Parade

Testing was again delayed, and the first flight did not occur until 29 February 2000. The flight lasted eighteen minutes, reaching a maximum altitude of 1,000 meters and a speed of 600kmh; test pilot Vladimir Gorboonov later described the aircraft as a docile flier. A second flight on 27 April the same year lasted twenty-two minutes, but apparently uncovered critical issues, allegedly with the engine, as no further test flights were undertaken. The 1.44 was retired to the Gromov Flight Research Institute, although it was later refurbished and displayed at the 2015 MAKS, 17 years after MiG originally requested it. Although never advancing beyond the initial test phase, the MiG 1.44 was given the NATO codename Flatpack, while the production 1.42, unofficially referred to as the MiG-35 or -39, was given the codename Foxglove.

-Rendering of a pair of production Foxgloves on patrol. | Illustration: Anynobody

-The Flatpack from head on, at the 2015 MAKS show. | Photo: Vitaly V. Kuzmin

[doctorthedoctor]

I read Combat Magicks a while back and kept a running list of all the gay moments between Thirteen and Yaz. Obviously, spoilers below the cut.

-They were huddled together when being attacked by crows.

-Yaz looked over to see the Doctor smiling in her sleep next to her.

-Yaz wanted to put an arm around the Doctor when she woke up shaking and panting from a nightmare.

-Yaz rested her head against the Doctor’s.

-Yaz forced a smile when the Doctor made a dumb joke.

-“Yaz looked at the Doctor, full of nerves, ‘Here goes, then. We’re going to meet a Tenctrama.’ The Doctor placed her hand on her shoulder and smiled. ‘Isn’t she lucky?’”

-The Doctor: This is Yasmin Khan. She’s my bestie.

-“With a shout, Yaz fell back against the table, shaking. The Doctor rushed to her, eyes big like a puppy’s. ‘What happened? You all right?’”

-The Doctor: Let Yasmin go.

-“The Doctor squeezed her shoulder.”

-“The Doctor’s eyes held Yaz’s.”

-Graham (about the Doctor): Did she have blonde hair and was she wearing a rainbow? Was there someone with her—a pretty girl

-The Doctor (about Yaz): I don’t want a hair on her head harmed while I’m away, ‘kay? Not a hair.

-“Yaz wanted more than anything just to reach out to her friend and see her again.”

-The Doctor likes building things, including “proper challenges like assembling flatpacked IKEA wardrobes.”

-The Doctor: When it’s ready I’ll tell you and then, then—you bring Yasmin back to me safe and sound and I’ll hand it over, just as you want. Otherwise, I’ll smash it.

-“The job she prayed would save Yaz’s life.”

-The Doctor: Oh, Yaz! I’ve been so worried!

-The Doctor literally finished Yaz’s sentence.

-The Doctor: You hearing this, bestie?

-“‘Here goes everything,’ the Doctor muttered. Pulling Yaz in closer for a tighter hug, she twisted the sonic with her spare hand.”

-The Doctor: I’m in the middle of a daring rescue attempt.   Yaz: Are you smashing it?   The Doctor: *babbles*   Yaz: Let’s say you’re smashing it.   The Doctor: Yaz, I’m totally smashing it!

-“The Doctor felt Yaz’s arms lock around her waist.”

-Literally just the entire time they were riding a horse together.

-“She gripped the Doctor tightly enough to break her in half.”

-Yaz’s last thought when she thinks she’s about to die: “But I’m not going to die crying, I’m just going to hold on to the Doctor and...”

-“Feeling sick, Yaz pressed her face against the Doctor’s back.”

-The Doctor described one of the characters as a “nice looking lady knight” and a “naughty Roman lady”

-“The Doctor bestowed a brief but brilliant smile on [Yaz].”

-“The Doctor smiled at [Yaz] fondly.”

-“The Doctor put a hand on Yaz’s shoulder, so gentle amidst the violence.”

-The first word out of Yaz’s mouth when she woke up was, “Doctor.”

-“Don’t let us lose you, too, Yaz thought, holding her friend’s hand as tightly as she could. Don’t ever let us lose you. ‘She’s gonna thank you for the broken fingers when she wakes up,’ Ryan said.” In conclusion: gay

[roswaliens]

you can’t change the world if all you have is a hammer

@flamingchiwawas prompted: Can you write a prompt about alex and michael having a sweet moment and max and isobel see how much they care about each other?

read on AO3

Warnings for descriptions of panic attacks & mentions of the tool shed scene from 1x06.

--

Michael is helping Noah and Isobel with some handiwork, because apparently it takes a mechanic to assemble Ikea furniture.

He’s doing fine with the Allen key and his drill set, so he’s taken by surprise when Noah returns from the garage with a hammer. He flinches, hard, when Noah offers it to him. When he doesn’t take it, Noah shrugs and starts nailing the backing on the shelf. Michael sees the swinging arc of Noah’s arm out of the corner of his eye and that would be enough to bring him to the edge, but it’s the sound it makes hitting the nail that tips him into pure panic.

He has just enough sense to rush to the bathroom - the only room in the house with a door that locks and a store of nail polish remover. He snibs the lock on the door and exhales deeply, his legs giving out as his muscles tremor. He braces his back against the door and curls in on himself. He knows he should be breathing deeply but his lungs won’t cooperate. He can’t get any air in. His ears are ringing but underneath it he can hear someone calling his name.

-

Noah is alone in the living room when Max returns from his beer run.

“Where’s Michael?” he asks.

“Bathroom, I think,” Noah replies. “You might want to check on him, though. He looked like he was going to puke. I was going to see how he is when I finish up here.”

“I’ve got it, thanks,” Max says. A puke face could mean that he’d exerted himself with his powers, but Michael usually had the most control out of the three of them.

He calls Michael’s name and knocks on the door but receives no response. He tries the handle next and finds it locked, as he’d expected. When he presses his ear to the door he can hear ragged breaths, almost like sobs.

“Michael,” he calls again. “It’s just me, are you alright?” He doesn’t hear any change on the other side of the door. “Can you unlock the door?”

“Alex,” he hears Michael whisper between gasping breaths.

“Michael, what happened? Are you okay? Is Alex okay?”

“Got to stop … Manes … Alex,” Michael is whispering again and Max can’t make sense of the words. He knows that Michael and Alex were close, but he has no idea what has caused Michael to be calling Alex’s name in panic.

He calls out to Noah and asks him to call Alex, hoping he would have some idea what’s going on. Max stays at the door, repeating reassurances through the bathroom door until Alex arrives.

“I was at the Crashdown with Liz, what’s going on?” Alex asks, justifiably confused when he reaches Max. “Noah didn’t say much on the phone.”

“Michael’s in there,” he indicates to the bathroom door. “I think he’s having some kind of panic attack and he keeps saying your name.” He turns to the door and softens his voice. “Michael, Alex his here. Can you open the door now?”

Max gestures for Alex to say something. “Guerin, you’re worrying Max. Can you let me in?”

The lock clicks and the door opens a fraction. Alex eases the door open, careful of Michael sitting on the floor in front of it. Alex crouches down to look at Michael and Max finally gets to see his brother. Michael is pale and his hair is sticking to his skin with sweat. His eyes are unfocussed, looking around the room wildly.

Alex reaches out to gently place his hand on Michael’s shoulder and Michael lets out a whine as he leans into the touch. Encouraged by the reaction, Alex gets closer, sitting on the floor beside Michael and wrapping his arm around the other man’s back. Michael shifts further into the embrace and starts muttering into Alex’s chest.

“Y-your dad,” he says. “Had to- had to stop him.”

Max doesn’t know what Michael’s talking about but the look on Alex’s face says the other man does. Alex looks past Max into the mess of half-assembled furniture in the living room.

“Shit,” Alex whispers, letting out a long breath. He reaches to hold Michael’s hand - his broken hand - but Michael jerks it away, holding the hand to his chest like the injury is fresh. Max never asked how Michael really hurt his hand, too preoccupied with selling the lie to Isobel. From what he’s seeing now, Max gets the impression it was worse than a bar fight.

“What’s happening, Alex?”

“You were right, it’s a panic attack,” Alex says, his voice soft. “A bad one, triggered by…” he trails off, then says, more to himself than Max, “I had no idea he would be set off by…” He shakes his head as if to rid himself of a bad memory and Max knows better than to press for details right now. “I’m going to get him to the couch. Can you clear the tools from the room and get some water?”

“On it,” Max nods, glad to have something helpful to do. He leaves Michael with Alex and collects the tools from the room, returning them to the garage. He shifts some of the flatpack pieces to clear an easier path to the couch before fetching a glass of water from the kitchen, as well as a bottle of nail polish remover which he stuffs into his jacket pocket.

By the time he finishes his tasks Alex has Michael laying on the couch. Michael’s head is in Alex’s lap and Alex is gently stroking Michael’s curls. Michael’s eyes are closed and he looks a lot calmer than he did a few minutes ago.

“So,” Max begins, sitting down in one of the room’s armchairs. “You want to tell me what happened?”

Alex hesitates, looking down at Michael with more affection than Max had anticipated. “He never told you how his hand got broken, did he?”

“No,” Max shakes his head. “He told us he got drunk and got into a fight, but I knew he was lying.”

Michael shifts and he instantly has the full attention of both men in the room. When he stills and his breathing evens out again, Max continues. “What really happened, Alex?”

“It was my Dad,” Alex says, not looking up from Michael’s face. “He caught us together, in the toolshed behind my house. He- Michael tried to protect me, so my dad took a hammer and-” he cuts himself off with a choked sob, but Max has heard more than enough.

“He was building furniture with Noah.” Max exhales heavily. He knows Michael hides a lot of his trauma from him and Isobel, but he’s still disappointed when he finds out exactly what horrors he’s keeping to himself.

“We haven’t talked about that day,” Alex admits. “I think of it every time I look at his hand, but I won’t bring it up until he does.”

“Do you- are you able to stay for a bit? I think he needs the rest. I’ll let Noah and Iz know to give you space for a bit.”

“I want to be here when he wakes up,” Alex nods. “Thanks.”

-

Michael’s head feels fuzzy when he wakes. He blinks his eyes open and takes in his surroundings: the comfortable sofa beneath him and the flat pack furniture in various states of assembly on the floor. His brain is slow to piece it together and he panics until he sees the wedding photos on the wall and remembers where he is.

“It’s okay, you’re okay.”

The sound of a voice above him makes him realise that his head is in someone’s lap and he has no idea how he got there. He pushes himself upright, his head swimming when he moves too fast.

“Guerin?” This time he recognises the voice. Alex. “How are you feeling?”

“What- Alex?” He tries to think why Alex would be in Isobel’s living room but his brain won’t cooperate.

“Here, take your time,” Alex’s voice is gentle and soothes his aching head. Michael takes the glass of water he’s offered and lets Alex’s hands support him as he sits up.

He takes a slow drink of water and feels his head start to clear. “Why are you here?” Michael doesn’t mean for it to come out so harsh, but Alex doesn’t seem hurt by the question.

“What’s the last thing you remember?” Alex counters, concern creasing his forehead.

“I was helping Noah build their new furniture. Well, I was building it while Noah pretended he knew what he was doing. Then he got a- a hammer,” he stutters over the last word as he remembers the overwhelming panic seeing it had caused. He remembers getting to the bathroom and trying his best not to relive that terrible day in his memories.

“You had a panic attack. Max called me, he said you were saying my name,” Alex explains. Cautiously, he adds, “You were reliving that day in the tool shed, weren’t you?”

“Yeah,” he sighs. He takes another drink from his glass to avoid looking at Alex. “I think it was just, uh, Noah took me by surprise. I’m not usually like that.”

“Hey, no, it’s normal to have that sort of reaction to a trigger. You’ve been through a lot of trauma, Michael,” Alex grabs Michael’s good hand and gives it a comforting squeeze. Michael sees him hesitate before adding, “I want to help you. If you’ll let me, I want to be here for you.”

Michael takes a moment to answer, overwhelmed by the emotion radiating from Alex. “I’d like that.”

[wojtekbc]

Chain of Acheron ep 14 megapost.

I had this typed out before, but it got deleted because I forgot to save it last night. I’m really smart by the way. This will probably be shorter, as a result, because all of these are put on the list as I watch the episode and I can’t be fucked rewatching it right away. “Angel’s Report” is the best episode title next to “Red Sky at Morning.”

”Odie, deploy the parasol.” Slim and Leech’s scene? Precious. Anna’s notes are chaos manifest. I’ve said it before but I’ll say it again; I kind of ship Judge and Boots, and I’m not even really Fandom Trash. Yes, I realise the irony in me saying that, on Tumblr, in a fandom tag that I make up like 80% of the posts in, but you get me. I just think their interactions are cute and even the way Matt talked about them in the campaign diary was sweet.

The knight with riding gloves pinned to his pauldron is 110% my AESTHETIC BITCH I LOVE DECORATION LIKE THAT. Angel’s report; I’m gonna have to write a full post about how much I love this but I like how it boils down to “Alvaro is playing games. They’re ALL playing games! AND WE’RE A PIECE, NOT A PLAYER!!!” Angel, talking about the attack on the inn: “You see, boss, shit like this happens all the fucking time in this city” Copper, only paying half attention, and worried his sleep paralysis nightmares have been given physical form in this city:“Wait, like Shadow People?” The fact Lars had to address the audience and make sure people know he just has a serious case of RBF and he’s still enjoying the game a lot is crazy. “He graduated with honours from the college of war, and enrolled as a freshman into the college of sorceries. That was 30 years ago. This guy is like, one of the most powerful mages in the city” WHY CAN’T I HAVE MORE STUFF LIKE THIS. “We are the newest, smallest spy network in the city.” The fact that had to be said is so indicative of the setting and I love it. OD’s mind instantly going to “These college guys are open with each other. What if we cut someone’s finger off and give Boots their highschool ring?” is pure chaos D&D. Making a trip to the magic shop an appointment with a private collector is so much better than Ye Olde Magic Weapon Shoppe. Leech’s “Is there a boy in my room?” and “Can I send a boy to fetch me some clothes?” is so good, and Matt making the point of the older humans probably being younger than him is even funnier if he’s calling some dude in his 50s boy. I picture Bigcat on the flying carpet hanging from the underside with her tentacles strapping her to it. A treant private magic item curator? That’s so neat! HAHAHAHAHA SUMAT POL AND THE PERMANENT TRANSIENT  “Besides, all you pinkskins look the same.” Oh no, please, don’t make me dislike them. I really like having one-off NPCs basically hint at an impossibly larger picture just by existing. Wow, having an NPC give their own cosmic, 6th dimensional answer as to why Blackrazor might not be in the setting is actually kind of amazing. It really feels like Matt’s made his world feel even more like his opinion on really early D&D, where everything is in some constant, shared string of related universes. “We can probably get you a Vorpal weapon, sure,” dude Phil’s face at that was brilliant. There was the half second of like “Wait did I seriously just get that by asking?” OH, MATT’S GONNA HOMEBREW A LESSER VORPAL BLADE? Yeah I’m totally stealing all of this with my own spices. Leech with a purple metal mask would be awesome. I’m a big fan of straight up asking the players “What do you want?” Because it’s pretty unlikely they’ll get the opportunity to just ask for something from this dimensional curator every week. The image of Judge, Buts and Slim making demonheart weapons and armour out of extraplanar metal is really cool, but it also makes me think of the countless times where you and your friends have 0 coordination and you take 5 hours to assemble flatpack furniture. I’ll say it again. Tom as Copper is such brilliant roleplay, and every time he speaks it is golden. The Navigator gains intrinsics from eating.   Sumat: “Are you sure Kenway has the shield? I heard he has the crown.” Lars, OOC: “Not unless he took it from Sigurd, that’s bullshit” Sumat: “Who’s Sigurd?” Blood trickles out of King’s nose. You can tell why the amulet which prevents scrying or whatever would be valuable in the city of the Great Game. Final thoughts: Love this episode. Nice to see the intrigue of Capital finally being unveiled, and Sumat Pol managed to be funny while also being a pretty genius NPC in their own right. 

[douxreviews]

American Gods - ‘Moon Shadow’ Review

"Fear is order. Fear is control. Fear is safety."

Season two of American Gods wraps up. It was... a little confusing. The episode, not the season. Well, actually also the season.

Much like 'Donar the Great' a few episodes back, 'Moon Shadow' had a lot in it that felt very Fuller-esque. So again, I ask myself how much of the planning for this was already underway before his exit from the show. Quite possibly none, and it's just the result of a DP or one of the designers having a similar artistic taste, but it seems to carry across all the elements of design, from sound to shot composition to the visuals.

Take, for example, a moment that I've seen now in a couple of places questioned as, 'What the hell was that about?' I refer of course to the gorgeously framed close up shot of the snails on the side of the burial vault. Fun side-fact, I had to look up what exactly those above ground stone things that Shadow was lying on were called and was informed that they were very common for Egyptian Pharaohs. Nice detail work there, set designer or whoever made the decision to have them in Jaquel and Ibis' cemetery.

Now, the contrasting image of Shadow sleeping on top of the Vault, then waking to find Laura sleeping on the adjacent one is a very nice, if not overly subtle, 'in life we are in death' visual. Particularly given the characters involved. But then they up their game and open the morning shots with that close up of the snails clinging to the side of the stone monument. This is a great shot for a few reasons, but it's there for a very Fuller reason. It's a stark visual of gross, complicated, uncomfortable life clinging on in the face of cold, unalterable death. It's the same message as Shadow lying on the thing put in a much more confrontational way.

But I appear to be waffling in the little details instead of looking at the big picture, so let's look at that big picture.

There are a few ways to wrap up a season finale, but two of the most popular are either by building to a spectacular reveal of something that changes our entire understanding of what we've seen before, or arriving at a climactic plot development. Both of these can either be something completely out of left field or the final realization of something that's been slow burning for a long time and is finally paying off.

Wednesday's reveal as Odin in season one's finale would be one of those slow burn examples of the former. Easter's decision to join Wednesday and unleash her power starting the war was the slow burn example of the latter.

This finale kind of attempts both, and while there's a lot I like in this one, neither of those threads feel like a complete success. Perhaps looking at the two of them individually will help me parse out how I feel about this episode, because, honestly, seven or so paragraphs in and I'm still not 100% certain that I know.

So, clearly the big reveal here is that Shadow is Wednesday's son and has some sort of powers. This is, to be fair, a huge reveal. But the problem is that they've sort of half revealed it at least three or four times this year, and so the net result is not unlike when your sassiest friends comes out of the closet to you and your first reaction is 'Oh, did we not already know that? I thought we were already clear on that.'

Side note: that's not a helpful thing to say to the friend in question, should the occasion arise.

Since almost the beginning of the series fandom has been more or less convinced that Shadow is Odin's son Baldr. Or Baldur, or Balder. Old Norse didn't have a strong written component outside of a limited set of runes, and the written forms we understand of it today were almost entirely imposed on it later. Thank you for indulging me with sharing that. Orthography is one of my favorite things. Orthography and assembling flatpack furniture.

Ahem. Fandom has long believed that Shadow is going to turn out to be Baldr. That's a nice, big reveal to end the season on, but by the time we get to Wednesday openly confirming it at the end of this episode we've already heard him talking to young Shadow in flashback while Shadow's mom is dying and been nearly beaten over the head with the implication of Shadow's paternity during the discussion of his presumably half-brother Donar.

On the other hand, we have the plot development of Mr. World officially commencing what we might call the counterattack in the war by using the newly resurrected New Technical Boy to facilitate New Media in calling the entire world down on Shadow, Wednesday, and for some reason, Salim. It was clever of them to publicly use not just the bank robbery in Chicago, but also the massacre of the cops back in 'Lemon Scented You' and the alleged 'chemical attack' in Kentucky which was of course really Easter's taking back the spring. That all gave it a nice sense of all the multiple plot threads coming together organically, and was tied together well by New Media finally speaking to Shadow in the same way old Media did. That's the first time she's really felt like a continuation of the same character for me, and I'm down with New Media now.

That's all great. But it's tied in, in fact it's the entire impetus for, Shadow's big character transformation in which he learns to use what powers he has. Specifically, he seems to alter reality by reaching into his own memories to clear the police and SWAT units from the funeral home's vicinity. From what we hear over the news, he didn't change things so much that the cops aren't still looking for them specifically, but did make them 'un-know' where specifically they were hiding.

The problem is that I think more than a couple people will have read that last sentence and thought to themselves, 'Huh. so that's what was happening,' and therein lies the episode's real problem. I think the blame really can be laid to Yggdrasil in this case. Having Shadow dragged into the tree, on top of all the flashbacks and intercuts between dream and reality so that he can metaphorically and literally hatchet his way into the god-space, is just an overly complicated and muddy way to visualize that. And that muddiness really hurt the reveal that they were trying to make the big exclamation mark at the end of the season. Instead of coming away thinking, 'Wow, I can't believe what just happened!' the viewer leaves thinking, 'What the hell just happened?' and that's not a great note on which to end a season.

No Yggdrasil!  Bad Tree!  Put the nice man down!

Quotes:

New Technical Boy: "Hello, old friend."

Laura: "I am not my mistakes, Shadow."

Burial Vault Inscription: "She hath done what she could." That is just an incredibly depressing final memorial.

Mr. Xie: "Science is the closest we come to wrestling god." New Technical Boy: "Why would you want to…?"

Laura: "Planning on kissing me again? Cause I’ve had kind of a day." Bilquis: "My kisses have been known to improve a day."

Laura: "You don’t like him either." Bilquis: "Is that what your intuition tells you?" Laura: "No, I just know an I’d-like-to-punch-that guy-in-the-mouth-look when I see one."

Salim: "Sorry, I’ve never purchased liquor before. It’s for a friend. He’s a leprechaun. He died." Cashier: "OK."

Bilquis: "I’m a great believer in frankly assessing one’s situation."

Salim: "I don’t know what we are going to be, but I want you to know that I don’t regret any of it. You have taught me how to love."

Jinn: "You know me. Eyes of fire, shit for brains."

Bits and Pieces:

-- I suspect that Nancy and Ibis' conversation over the chess game is going to reward re-watching after all is said and done and the whole story is told.

-- I still don't entirely understand whose side Bilquis is on or what her goals are. She's certainly all right with Laura killing Wednesday and actually seems to consider the offer to join her. No Ruby Goodchild this week.

-- The first ten minutes with Mr. World and the 1938 War of the Worlds broadcast is hands down my favorite thing this show has ever done. A beautiful exploration of the interrelationship between fear, belief, and objective reality. Crispin Glover was born specifically to deliver that monologue.

-- I've come to realize that the most useful way to watch this series is to assume that whatever happens was the outcome wanted by someone, and then work backwards as to who would want that outcome and why. That also works for Agatha Christie books, by the way.

-- I liked the old Technical Boy better. He had much more personality. And while I get that they were going for fiber optics with the new costume, it ends up coming across as Green Lantern. Was that a Michael Green nod?

-- The echo of the opening War of the Worlds monologue sprinkled throughout New Media's on-air rant was very effective at bringing everything together. Nicely scripted.

-- I love the wall-size bas reliefs of Bruce Langley's head on the walls of Xietech. I need them in my home.

-- The NRA logo on the opening film card leading into a discussion of how creating fear allows you to control people was an inspired touch.

-- Here's hoping that Laura's running away with Mad Sweeney's body means that we haven't seen the last of him. Even though they're both dead, I'm still 'shipping them super hard.

-- The Jinn chose to protect Salim by taking him away, even though it means facing consequences for disobeying Wednesday. That's very touching. I assume we'll learn in season three why the Jinn is bound to Wednesday.  I very much hope it doesn't involve rubbing a lamp.

-- It's very in character that Wednesday's entire role this week was 'Go out for dinner and watch the pieces fall into place.'

-- It's strange that they went out of their way to remind us in the pre-credit sequence that Sweeney had sent the spear into the Hoard, and never got around to addressing that this week. Setup for next year I suppose.

A mostly enjoyable season finale with some very high highs and some very low lows, which sums up season two in a nutshell. Still, any series that gives me this episode and 'Donar the Great' in a single season deserves to go on for many, many years.

Two and a half out of three graveyard snails.

P.S. please bring Chris Obi back next season.

Mikey Heinrich is, among other things, a freelance writer, volunteer firefighter, and roughly 78% water.

[matchbox-fighting-furies]

The Matchbox Fighting Furies prototypes

As is the way of needing to produce publicity materials prior to an actual production run, we are treated to visuals for the initial product launch which used the original prototypes and we gain glimpses of how the pirates might have originally been envisaged.

In the initial 1974 trade catalogue Peg-leg and Hook - presumably practicing their furious fighting skills on each other - both sport shinier hard plastic heads with Peg-leg using a longer and slender more conventional sword while poor old Hook is left to fend off the attack with only his small hook (which is quite possibly how he lost his hand in the first place)? Both have minor colour, waistcoat trim and textile variations but Pete is also noticeably darker in complexion at this stage, doesn’t have any facial hair and appears to have no peg-leg end plug, which presumably means he didn’t have a hidden map during his first prototype incarnation. Meanwhile, Hook has a more obviously oriental moustache and is shown to originally wear his ponytail at the rear of his head, instead of at the side, which we might imagine was revised once it was realised you couldn’t see it when the figure was presented in its windowed retail packaging.

Later in the 1976 UK catalogue shows a painted illustration of the pirate figure toys in striped trousers, just like the Europe only trousers for the Spanish Officer disguise, (as well as other garment colour changes) suggesting that a second production run would jazz up their appearance; but alas this wasn’t to be.

The prototype vinyl Sea Fury playset first shown in the 1974 trade catalogues didn’t supply the promised hammock until the later full ship version, and its knock-off Chippendale red table and chair design would get a severe downgrading to crass folded vinyl efforts in actual production. But conversely the poop deck balustrades would also be downgraded from illustrated vinyl spindles to plain red plastic as like Hook’s natty looking golden wristlet eventually becoming an unnoticed black band.

Although vinyl was still all the rage in the 70s, the Sea Fury playsets were imaginative but feebly executed being constructed only of binary-coloured simple wipe down friendly soft plastic vinyl covering a somewhat flimsy folding cardboard structure and simply decorated with rudimentary cartoonish illustrations; of which you could then liven up yourself with the handful of colour stickers supplied within (and in this more articulate era were impeccably described as Decals). The offering was completed with an unnecessarily poor ‘flatpack’ table and chair made out of the same vinyl superstructure (which would be a nightmare in the summer for any Pirate who favours wearing shorts). Here the products suddenly appeared to be aimed at a younger audience than the sophisticated figures and accessory packs had implied? This vinyl manifestation was not the original plan however, when the blatantly more appropriate prototype for the concept of a Furies playset vessel was first engineered in 1973. Made more robustly with disciplined materials and with a solid plastic mould for the Prow, the original vision had an enclosure around the Poop deck which would fold flat and a main hull which partly collapsed at the centre (the Tween deck or Orlop) – reducing its size by a third for use as a carry or storage case – and all forming a 360 degree three-dimensional Brigantine style sailing ship! The plastic barrels and treasure chests from the Adventure packs can only hint at what might have been and clearly the inspiration behind such ambition would later be deployed for the Matchbox range of pirate ships produced in more recent times (such as the ‘Superb Deluxe Captain Pirate Ship Playset’). This proto-design included a full side panel on the hull which swung open to reveal the Captain’s Cabin and a further fully enclosed cabin – perhaps the crew’s quarters – featured at the bow of the ship.

But while this version of the Sea Fury ship was sadly scuttled, it appears that there was an equally doomed attempt at another fully formed vessel which was planned for launch along with 1976’s Ghost of Cap’n Kidd figure. This addition to the range was no doubt inspired by, and referenced by, the boat illustrated hanging off the side of the larger full ship vinyl version of the Sea Fury, released in 75 (if only in the states). The all new “Pirate Longboat” was smaller and simpler but was more accurately in sync with the product line’s positioning and even made it so far as a final and authentic prototype and was actually presented to retail trade buyers. From a period industry trade publication, we can see the detailed sculpted planking of its hard plastic hull while it also boasted coming complete with a cannon and a Jolly Rodger! The small cannon – or more accurately a culverin - was recycled from the One-Eyed Sailor Adventure kit (and also appeared in the Stockade Assault action pack), but when onboard the Longboat it would be stored in a purposely designed swivel cavity and there was also a second compartment ideal for hiding a treasure chest. It would appear that one of the boat’s loose accessories might also have included a troublesome Octopus (but incredibly the pre-production photoshoot used the Hasbro GI-Joe Eight Ropes of Danger version)! The boat was similar in construction style to the contemporary Lone Ranger Rides Again Prairie Wagon, and would have also been much loved by today’s collectors, but who only knows what became of the one-off prototypes seen in these pictures?

Talking of which: In the adventure leaflets supplied with the Western series action figures, there is a small section singing the praises of Sundance – the fully jointed Horse “with action-flex legs”. The feature poses the headline, “Have you seen the Wonder Horse”? Well the answer is most definitely, no. In fact, no one has – ever – leaving us to conclude that this too never made it into production. Ignoring the potential trademark infringement of banding around the “Wonder Horse” byname, a fully boxed prototype with a fully jointed ‘Action Flex’ body was expectantly created, complete with an “authentic” saddle, rooted hair mane and tail and an “action pose stand” so that you could pose the feisty Palomino rearing up (in typical Lone Ranger or Gene Autry on Champion – the Wonder Horse – fashion). But Sundance was soon omitted from the 1977 Matchbox collector’s catalogue and was only ever to be seen by the public via the promotional packaging of the other Western series products (and his brief cameo in the 76 brochure), meaning Black McCoy would just have to walk everywhere after all.

Sadly, we can only suspect that the Sundance and sailing products were deemed to be too expensive at retail (and just too derivative for budgets already committed to alternative product) leading to too few retailers placing orders during the planning season and ensuring production couldn’t be justified. The early Sea Fury design in particular seems to embody the company’s strategy of simply producing superior products with which to compete but found the retail and production reality of excelling in the action figures market to be more difficult than first imagined.