#flutter development san diego

[roosteraloha]

in sickness

jake seresin x reader

wc - 3k

warnings - talks of poor mental health, not looking after yourself, chronic pain discussions, a lot of angst but also a lot of fluff !!

disclaimer - ANY BLANK/AGELESS BLOGS WILL BE BLOCKED!! I also DO NOT give permission for any of my works to be copied, shared, compiled, translated or posted onto other sites!!

a/n - I hope this fic can provide you a bit comfort, whether you experience chronic pain or not!! life is terrible right now and this is my little bit of comfort while I get through this flare up. pls always take care of yourselves <3

comments & reblogs are greatly appreciated!!

You had been feeling off for a while. You couldn’t pinpoint exactly when this feeling started, it just did. And it sucked. Usually a bright and hard working individual, you now felt more like a shell of who you used to be - more than you ever had before.

With no family around, this was the year you’d truly be alone for the holiday season. A welcome change to the fake smile you’d plaster on, anything to avoid more for your family to pick you apart for. Anything to avoid being seen as the family failure even more.

Working part time as a barista while you continued your studies at a new campus, began merely as a way to pay rent and pay the remaining tuition, which failed to be covered by your scholarships. Now, your work was a chance to escape both from your family issues and your school work, a chance to just be.

A few months into living in San Diego, you’d developed a much needed routine; classes in the day, serving regulars at the little café, then studying more when you got home.

There was one regular at the café that always made your smile a bit brighter, a real smile, rather than the fake customer service one that you had perfected.

A tall, blonde aviator.

He arrived like clockwork every single day, ordered the same drink and pastry each day, and something you noticed the longer you worked there, only gave his signature wink and drawl of “Thanks darlin’” to you. A fact that gave you a flutter of butterflies each time he walked through the door.

It had taken you a few months to work up the courage to accept his invitation of a date, ironically he insisted on just going for a coffee (or any drink you'd prefer, as he insisted), which then progressed to him regularly joining you at the café on your late shifts. Jake was the absolute definition of a gentleman, opening and holding doors for you, insisting on walking you home, saying “I couldn’t sleep not knowing if you got home safe darlin’”.

It made your heart flutter to have the attention of such a man. You’d imagined that this type of love would only ever exist in cheesy romance books, but Jake exceeded even those standards and expectations.

Having Jake in your life was a blessing. One that you would never take for granted. Even on your bad days.

It wasn’t that you were intentionally ignoring Jake, it was more the fact that you instinctively knew that as soon as you let him get a proper answer from you, he’d instantly know something was wrong and immediately try and fix it. Something your younger self would crave, but now, you couldn’t find it in you to care. Going from class to class, then to work, picking up extra shifts just to occupy your mind, leaving earlier and earlier, coming home later and later.

It was a good thing you lived alone and hadn’t caved to Jake’s repeated attempts to get you to move in with him, which realistically would be the best idea both for your commute and your relationship, not to mention that you slept over at his place almost daily. However, this flare up of poor moods and anxiety, was clouding your logical view, and you refused each and every plea from your loving boyfriend. You knew he was only looking out for you, but you couldn’t help the irritation that prickled up stronger with each invitation. The insinuation that you couldn’t look after yourself, that you needed someone to take care of you. A snappy comment lodged in your throat, but finding yourself too detached to even voice it.

Living alone provided you with the much needed sanctuary where you could just be. Somewhere you didn’t need to worry about someone seeing just how badly you were suffering on a day to day basis. You knew deep down, that living with Jake would better for you both, but you had particularly stubborn streak that had developed from the constant dismissal of your feeling from your family. Jake, you knew would never be like them, he was far too observant to not notice, and far too caring to let you suffer alone.

It wasn’t until Jake cornered you on your mandatory day off that he finally found the perfect opportunity to get to the bottom of your sudden emotional polarity. He’d cleared the leave with Cyclone, citing a hurried mention of a ‘family emergency’, which to Jake this was, and consequently receiving the next week off without any further explanation.

Knowing your penchant for burying any negative feelings, and faking your way through your days off which aligned with his in the past, Jake followed his normal morning routine. An early wake up call, one which to his growing concern, you were seemingly awake before, a bland breakfast of toast and coffee, then heading to his truck, backing out his truck, then instead of the usual commute to base, Jake parked at the end of the street and waited an hour before heading back.

Jake was greeted by a silent home. If he didn’t know better, he’d think that there was nobody home, but your keys were still by the door, your shoes messily stacked by the coat hooks, everything in the exact place as when he left.

Frowning, he makes his way through the house, scanning every room for any signs that you had moved from your curled position on the bed, the one you hadn’t moved from since you got home the night before.

There was a small crack in the paint of Jake’s bedroom wall.

A minute crack really.

Just to the right of the bedroom door, creeping up from the baseboards. Barely noticeable to anyone else, but you have been so fixated on it, unable to tear your gaze away from it. A quick lick of paint, even one of those tester rollers that Jake kept in his toolbox would do it. But yet again, you couldn’t find it in you to care.

Huffing at nothing in particular, you blink slowly, your eyes drying out from your blank, unwavering stare, the blood vessels shot around your irises, irritated more with each blink.

Jake slowly pushes the bedroom door open, having paused to watch your empty stare, growing more concerned with each passing minute. On your best days, you weren’t known to be the most bubbly and social person, but still made the effort anyway. Now? Now Jake was halfway to calling in reinforcements, in whatever way he could to try and get through to you, even if you hated him afterwards.

His slow pace to your side was an effort to not startle you, he needn’t have worried, you didn’t even flinch, like you normally did, when he pressed a gentle kiss to your exposed shoulder.

Having come from a very complex family, with a concerning lack of physical contact, you often found yourself flinching away from people, getting overwhelmed when people refused to give you space, getting frustrated with your feelings, unable to communicate your desires and needs for physical interaction, romantic or platonic. It was something that Jake had easily picked up on, quickly learning your tells, learning exactly what you craved, without you having to explicitly say anything at all.

Sighing, Jake decided to take a risk, you have been known to lash out in the past, whenever you haven’t been warned about incoming physical contact. Exhaling slowly, praying to whatever he could, Jake slid his hand gently up your arm, getting you used to his touch before pulling you up into a sitting position, crouching before you, directly in your eye line.

Jake nudged you gently, trying to get a response from you. startling from the movement, your gaze darts from the paint crack to Jake’s hand on your knee. Goosebumps erupt across your arms as you focus on the sensation of his large, warm hand on your skin. Feeling your muscles tense under his hand, he rubs his thumb in soothing circles, trying to placate your instinct to flinch away.

Breath hitching in your throat, you instinctively jolt backwards, away from Jake. He exhales loudly, disappointed and slightly hurt that you still have this reaction to him after all this time. Jake has always been the perfect boyfriend, always there to be supportive, even when you often feel that you don’t deserve it.

Having zoned back into reality, you refuse to make eye contact with Jake, instead keeping him in your periphery as you cautiously shuffle back towards him. Jake raises an eyebrow at the sudden change, it was highly unusual for you to even try and instigate physical proximity, where this would normally be a good thing, today, it added to his growing concern that you were not okay. Far from it.

Jake tried and failed to catch your eye line, eyes darting away from him with each attempt. Deciding on a different approach, Jake knelt from his crouched position, “Darlin’ when was the last time you ate?” A halfhearted shrug was the only response, while an improvement, Jake’s heart ached knowing you needed his help and support desperately, but knew you were too nervous and stubborn to ask on a good day, that today he stood no chance of getting a response from you.

Feeling a wave of confidence, you flicked your eyes over to Jake, scanning his features, taking in his clear concern and worry about you. Heart pounding in your chest, you anxiously clench your hand tightly into a fist a few times, before slowly reaching your hand out to Jake, quickly retracting it as you begin to overthink it.

Brows furrowed, Jake moves to sit beside you, leaving a space between you, softly smiling in encouragement as your eyes follow his movements and then slowly turn your body to face him.

“What do you need from me right now?” His voice quiet, yet steady and comforting. Another weak shrug. Registering the increasing frustration in Jake’s expression, you shakily reach out for his hand, intertwining your fingers and taking in all the calluses and faint scars on his hand, finding the simple contact immediately calming, feeling bold enough to express your want.

A gentle tug on his hand, your hand slowing moving up his arm, then round his waist, climbing slowing and shakily into his lap, curling up his strong embrace, nuzzling your head into his chest. Jake stayed still in disbelief, this was everything he dreamed you’d one day be comfortable to ask for, never mind instigate of your own will. Smiling to himself in pride, he readjusts his position on the edge of his bed, a soothing hand in your hair, scratching lightly at your scalp, something that Jake had noticed eaisly helped you relax. After a few moments your muscles slowly began to relax and eyes growing heavy.

The rapid succession of sneezes and soft whimpers that Jake woke to in the afternoon, alerted him to the root cause of your recent lack of responsiveness. A soft grumble was followed by you curling back into Jake’s side, nuzzling into his warmth, finding comfort from him wherever you could.

In the entire span of your relationship, Jake can only recall you being sick a handful of times. Perhaps something to do with your insistence of maintaining your personal space Jake has always thought, but you sick was an experience, one that Jake hated. Thinking back over the past few weeks, the warning signs that you were getting sick, were now glaringly obvious and Jake was mentally kicking himself for not paying close enough attention.

Gathering the various medicines from his bathroom, ones that he had previously taken note of that seemed to help ease your symptoms the best. Jake sets the various bottles and packets on the bedside table, picking one at random to try and convince you to take.

Narrowing your bloodshot eyes at Jake, you shake your head vehemently, an action you quickly regret. Clutching at your head in agony, you whimper quietly, shifting back towards Jake, burying your head in the crook of his neck and clinging to him like a lifeline.

Gently coaxing you out from your comfortable position, Jake’s heart broke knowing he’s asking you to do the opposite of everything you’d been working on together. Eyes glassy with unshed tears, you try to cling to the comfort of his embrace, confused as to why Jake was forcing you away from him. Unable to think logically in your pained state, you took this as a rejection, promptly turning away from Jake, putting as much distance between you both as his king sized bed allowed.

A pill is placed firmly in your hand, a chance to take it yourself, one you instantly refused, tossing the pill over your shoulder, hopefully somewhere in Jake’s direction, you couldn’t really find it in you to care.

A startled yelp leaves your lips as you’re manhandled by Jake, your back now resting against his chest, a firm arm across your waist, keeping you close in his hold. You were too weak to fight him anyway, but Jake took the precaution anyway.

He knows you.

Much to your chagrin, another pill is placed in the palm of your hand. Craning your neck to see Jake’s motives, you’re annoyed to see a blank expression, all he does is gesture to the pill in your hand, and look away from you completely.

Having suffered from chronic pain for years, you despise each pill you have to take, from many years of doctors just giving you pill after pill without listening to your concerns. Now you find yourself avoiding doctors, or any medication wherever you can. Jake knew this, it was something discussed early on in your relationship, not wanting him to feel ignored when you inevitably had a flare up and consequently spent the next week or two in bed recovering, which is why you feel so hurt when he keeps insisting on you taking this medication.

When your equally blank stare at Jake goes on too long, he sighs heavily, pulling you back with him as he leans back against the headboard. Feeling the rumble of his low voice behind you had a surprisingly soothing effect, “Darlin’. Please just let me take care of you.”

When that didn’t produce a response, “C’mon darlin’, it’s breaking my heart to see you in so much pain.”

Turning in his hold, cupping his cheek with your hand momentarily, causing him to flinch at how cold you felt, slowly sitting, reaching for the pill and quickly swallowing the bitterness with the glass of water that jake insisted you keep by the bed whenever you’d stay over. Several kisses are pressed across your hairline and forehead, soft mumblings of praise continue as you settle back in his arms.

“I know how much you hate taking them, but you have to in order to get better darlin’.” Scoffing in disapproval, and resentment of your boyfriend yet again being right, results in Jake wrapping his arms even tighter around you, careful of any known sensitive areas, pressing more gentle kisses to the top of your head.

“Before you get too comfortable, we’ve got to get you something to eat. God knows when you last ate a proper meal.”

You swallowed cautiously, “That time you cooked your grandmother’s recipe.”

Silence.

You felt him tense behind you, sitting up straighter, gentle fingers at your chin in an effort for you to look at him.

“Sweetheart… That was almost a week ago.”

Shrugging, you try a nonchalant approach, knowing Jake would not like the answer, “I eat stuff at the café and in between classes when I can. I just don’t have time to cook a full meal anymore Jake.”

Exasperated, Jake pulls you to stand, wrapping a blanket around your shoulders, then taking your hand gently and leading downstairs to the kitchen. He busies himself, after seating you on the counter, checking cupboards and the fridge to see what he could pull together for you both. Settling on something basic, he gets to cooking, something he enjoys. Not that Jake liked to openly share this with his fellow aviators, in case of any ribbing and teasing, yet another reason he had been overly cautious as to not introduce you to the group already.

The delectable scents wafting in your direction results in several rumbles from your stomach, a light blush stains your cheeks when Jake glanced in your direction with a teasing smile. Shrugging playfully in response brings a bright grin to Jake’s face, the one that always has you smiling along with him, because how could you be sad when he looked at you like that, with that much love in his eyes just for you?

One lovingly home cooked meal later, you’re yet again tucked into Jake’s side in his bed, considerably more relaxed than when Jake left in the morning. With the self-reflection that you’d both started to keep your relationship healthy, you knew you weren’t the best at looking after yourself, which only got worse during a flare up or sickness. Jake however, was your constant. A strong caring and protective streak, you would never suffer alone again.

“I missed this. I missed you. Can we stay like this for just a bit longer?” You murmur quietly into his chest, arms tightening around his waist.

“Of course darlin’,” Jake places a soft kiss on the crown of your head.

“You don’t even need to ask.”

While there were some days that you felt so isolated and a burden, those days were notably fewer now that you had Jake in your life.

You just didn’t know that Jake vowed from the day you confessed your struggles that he would always be there to look after you.

In sickness and in health.

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[dingochef]

Pairing: Jake "Hangman" Seresin x You (OFC)

Warnings: Swearing, Smut (MDNI 18+ Only), Angst with a Happy Ending, Stalking, P in V, oral (female and male receiving), Semi-public sex, light spanking,

Summary: You and Jake geek out at the fly in.  Later things get heated and you start to realize you might be in over your head with the feelings you're developing for Jake. 

Word Count: 2.6k

Masterlist

Chapter 9

Chapter 10: Vintage

Group Chat: Your favorite hoes

Members: Lydia, Beth

Lydia: How was the date with Bob, just Bob?  Any good action?

Beth: It was good. 

Beth: Real good.

You: Details! 

Beth: Let's just say he has a bit of an oral fixation and he's definitely more of a giver, 😉

Lydia: It all makes sense.  Like he knew he had to be really great at eating pussy to make up for some of the initial blandness

Beth: You're so vulgar

Lydia: But you love me for it, 😍

You: Still waters run deep…..like his tongue deep inside you

Beth: Not you too. 

Beth: Speaking of the devil, he's calling.  Buh-bye

It's Saturday morning and you're pulling together the last few items for your day bag for the air show.  You're looking forward to spending the day with Jake and checking out the vintage aircraft.  Jake is picking you up here shortly, he mentioned something about having the better car for today and purposely remained vague on details.  

I'm looking out the window when you see a turquoise vintage Corvette convertible pull up with the fabric top up.  You can't see who is driving as the car stops at the curb in front of your  house. A familiar head of blond hair followed by a leather bomber jacket with mission patches unfolds out of the driver's seat.  Jake is of course wearing his aviators. He just smiles wide and stretches his arms out presenting the car, he shouts, 

"A vintage ride to a vintage air show!" as you walk out to meet him.  He runs around the car to greet you with a hug and a kiss and opens the door for you.  

"Ooh, vintage manners too," you coo as you get into the car.  He shuts your door and walks around the car and climbs into the driver seat.  He starts the car and you are off towards Chula Vista where the fly in is being held.  

"You know, if you had told me you had a 61 Corvette when we first met, I might have been nicer to you," you say as he pulls on the freeway heading south from San Diego, hand trailing on the dash. 

"The lady knows her cars," Jake replies.

"Of course I do, I'm the daughter of an automotive engineer from Michigan.  In fact my dad worked for GM." 

"And yet you drive a Honda CR-V, the store brand vanilla ice cream of cars." He teases back.  

"Yeah, it's definitely utilitarian and I got a good deal on it from a friend who was moving overseas. Besides, I drive way too many miles for my  job to have anything like this."

The rest of the drive passes quickly and soon you're pulling into the lot at the general aviation airport hosting the event.  Jake and you walk up to the entrance and grab a map,

"So where do we want to go first? Ooh, they have a World War 2 section," you ask scanning the map.  Jake hooks his chin on your shoulder to peek at the map. He scans the map and says, 

"That sounds good, we'll have to make sure to see the fighters," Jake says pointing at the map from over your shoulder.

"I wouldn't dare miss that, dear," you say to Jake as you kiss his cheek.  It comes so naturally to you that the intimacy of the gesture doesn't register till you start walking handing hand towards where the World War II planes are arranged on the tarmac.  This has definitely moved past fuck buddies and you try to convince yourself it's just friends with benefits, ignoring the slight panic that flutters up in your gut.  

There are dozens of aircraft from World War II lined up on the tarmac.  You and Jake find yourself gravitating to the bombers.  

“These always intrigued me because of just how many people were in a crew, how many people it took to fly these and hit targets.  All of that stuff we can just do with one or two people now,"  you say as you wander around a B-29. 

“I’ve always liked the WWII bombers for the nose art, mostly the pin up girls to be honest.  I had a few posters of some of them on your  wall in high school.  Closest I could get to putting up a bikini model poster without my mom freaking out,”  Jake replies.  

You laugh at the thought of Jake as horny teenager looking at pin up girls for hormonal inspiration.  

“So, you’re saying you like the pin up look.”

“I’d have you on the side of my jet, but I think the Navy’s not going to be into that,” he leans in closer and whispers, 

“But that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t ravage you the second I saw you all gussied up like that.” 

He points up to the classic nose art of a woman astride a bomb, skimpy red dress and heels, and Jessica Rabbit style red hair.  You make a mental note for later.  

You’ve traversed most of the air show and you finally get to fighter jet row after lunch from a food truck.  The way Jake kept catching your  eye as you were trying to eat a ridiculously large Italian sausage made you nearly choke on it with laughter. 

“You’re going to kill me if you keep that up,” you joke as you bump shoulders with him.    

“Whatever do you mean? I just see a woman really enjoying a large girthy sausage,” he replies back with an innocent look. 

As you walk through the planes it's apparent whoever curated the show did a great job with lining the aircraft up in chronological order.  It’s easy to see the evolution of the planes.  Jake stops when we get to a F-14 Tomcat.  

“Maverick flew one of these when he was at Top Gun,” he says.  

Climbing up the step ladder you check out the cockpit.  All the same elements that are in the jets you work on are there, but they're so rudimentary compared to what we equip aircraft with now.   

“It’s like looking back at a stone hammer versus buying one at Home Depot,” you say. “There’s actually a few guys I work with who worked on the F-16s around the time this was made by Grunnam.”  

“It does give me a tiny, tiny” he pinches his fingers together, “bit more respect for the old man to have shot down as many planes as he has when he had this to work with.”

The afternoon is getting hot so you call it and head back to Jake’s car, the turquoise is easy to spot in the field of cars.  As we get closer, Jake looks at you and asks, 

“How about I put the top down and we can drive back by the coast?”  

“That sounds good,”  you quickly find a hair tie out of your  purse and pull your hair back to keep it from flying around in the wind as we drive.  After navigating through town you finally make it out to the main coast road that will take you back to Coronado Island.  The wind noise is so loud you can’t really talk, but you find yourself looking at Jake a lot of the way back and just how beautiful he is especially with the setting sun behind him as we drive.  Every once in a while he catches you staring and smiles that panty dropper smile of his.   

You see a sign for a scenic turnout and you point it out to Jake. He nods, turning the car into the gravel lot and pulls to the far end of the lot.  You get out to stretch our legs and watch the sunset.  As you lean against the front of the car Jake wraps his arm around you and you curl into his side as the cool ocean breeze rolls in.  The sun slowly sets and Jake turns to kiss you.  You stand up between Jake's legs where he is leaning on against the car.  He is finally at a height where you can access his lips easily.  You reach in his bomber jacket and wrap your  arms around his back.  He grabs your hips and pulls you in close.  The kiss deepens and you can feel that familiar tug low in your belly. Grabbing the lapels of his jacket you pull him in closer. The kissing and sliding of hands over each other's bodies starts to build, the heat between you rising.

Jake stands up to his full height and gently pushes you away and runs to the back of the car and starts to pull the top of the car into place. His plan becomes clear when he sits down in the passenger seat and pats his lap.  You're thankful you're wearing a dress.  Jake is already hauling his pants and boxers down and stroking his cock. He pulls a condom out of his pocket and rolls it on as he watches you  walk up to the open door, lean down and slip your underwear off and climb in. As you straddle his lap Jake closes the door.  He reaches in between you and grabs the base of his cock and guides himself into you.  You sink down on him as far as you can.   He pants out between groans, 

"Fuck, El, so good." 

Jake reaches up to push the denim jacket you have over your sundress off and slide the straps of your dress and bra down exposing your breasts.  His firms hands slide up and palm your tits as he works each nipple with his mouth and rough fingers. 

The pleasure of his mouth and hands becomes too much and you start to ride him, desperate to quell the ache between your thighs. Your moans get louder and breathier and Jake pants out a few words,

"God damn, El, ride my cock." 

His hands have slipped down your side and are holding the globes of your ass.  He pulls your dress over your hips and kneads at the flesh of your ass.

Fucking his head to yours he whispers, 

"Such a pretty ass, makes me want to slap and spank it."

He grabs and holds you still against his cock as he squeezes your butt hard. 

You clench around him at the thought of his big hands leaving red hand prints on your smooth flesh.

He chuckles, having picked up on your response to his dirty thoughts.

"Oh El, you dirty girl. You want me to slap your ass, make it hurt a little, hurt in a good way?"

You can't control the whine that escapes your throat while you rock into him harder. Taking your response as permission he pulls back his hand and lands a resounding slap on your soft flesh. The sound is deafening in the closed car.  You whine in pleasure at the flash of pain.   

"You like that?" he asks, in a soft tone.

You duck your head into his neck, a little embarrassed, but oh so turned on. Ignoring the thought of your feminist credentials being tarnished by this, you reply,

"Yes, I do."

He slaps your other cheek, and says, 

"Say 'Yes, sir.'"

You pull your head back and look him directly in the eyes and challenge him and gain back a little control, 

"I do, Lieutenant."

He raises an eyebrow and pulls his mouth into that smirk right before he slaps both of your cheeks at the same time.  The delicious pain ricochets down through your clit causing you to clench hard around him finally breaking his cool facade, 

"Fuck, so good.'

You start to lift up and down on Jake's cock at a faster pace while he rubs your ass, keeping it warm and the hint of pain lingering.  Your mutual heavy breathing fills the car.  Jake moves one hand to place his thumb over your clit and starts slowly rolling circles around your  sensitive point.  The slowness of his touch is contrast to your frantic pace. His other hand pulls your  head down to him and he gives you a filthy kiss as he says, 

"You ride me so good, like you were made to do that, El."

"Yes, Lieutenant, your cock is so good. Give it to me, please," you whine in response.  

The tension is starting to build in your belly and you keep riding Jake even though your legs are starting to ache and shake with strain.  

Jake's hand on your ass is helping lift you each time and to keep your pace going. 

His thumb on your clit pushes down harder and he slaps your ass at the same time, breaking that wave of pleasure over you. 

"Fuck, fuck, oh my god," you rasp as your release triggers Jake's and he goes slack under you, the tension released. 

The air in the car is thick with your deep breaths as you both come down from your highs. You tuck your head into Jake's neck and he wraps his strong arms around you. You and him just exist for a few minutes, still joined. 

The casual closeness of the moment startles you, the safety and security, and mostly just how right it feels to be in Jake's arms. It  overwhelms you, sending a niggling sense of panic and alarm through you. That familiar wave of vulnerability and fear rolls through you and you push back off Jake's chest, desperate to get rid of these feelings. This is not what you had planned on, developing feelings for him, not for anyone after Liam. Jake's arms are still around your waist, his head leaned back and his eyes closed, he doesn't pick up on your unease.

Your next words are chosen intentionally to break the spell you're under.

"Hey there, did I fuck your brains out there, Lieutenant?" you ask as Jake comes back to reality.  His cock twitches inside you as you say Lieutenant.  He looks into your eyes with an expression that you can't place, almost hopeful and wistful, and you know that the enormity of the moment has surrounded him also. Your own panic and doubt  starts to swell as he pulls your head down for one more deep kiss before you separate hoping to quell this tsunami of emotions brewing in you. You step out of the car and rummage around in your purse to find some tissues to clean up, handing some to Jake as you piece yourselves back together and get back on the road.

The ride back is quiet, the night turned dark.  Jake has taken your hand in his and is rubbing his thumb on the back of yours as he drives. As you slow down and roll through the residential streets to get back to your  house, he asks,

"Hungry?”  

The question startles you from your thoughts, and you fumble for an answer,

“Yes, I was too into the scenery to think about dinner till now.”  

He grins back at you full of self satisfaction as you realize the secondary meaning of your statement.  You give him an affectionate eye roll in return.

“Want to hit the Hard Deck? You can’t beat the fish tacos,” he asks.

“Works for me,” you reply, happy that they'll be something to redirect your attention and thoughts when you get there.

It doesn’t take long for you to pull into the parking lot and the place is its usual level of busy for an early Saturday night.  Jake parks the car and you walk over hand in hand to the entrance when Jake suddenly stops, his shoes crunching on the gravel in response the abruptness of his motion, and says, 

“Shit, my squadron is here.”

--

Worry not my pretties, the next chapter is on deck and will be posted soon (I have no impulse control, lol.)

Chapter 11

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@mayhemmanaged

@callmemana

@dempy

@hangmanscoming

@lanie-k

@callsign-viper

@senjoritanana

@djs8891

@atarmychick007

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[etherealperrie]

HEARTFIRST {pt. III}

– In which a trip down to the San Diego Naval base  to visit an old friend turns out to be more than a simple reunion, as the reader finds herself in the presence of an infuriating, cocky blonde and an old flame she thought had long fizzled out. –

Jake “Hangman” Seresin x Reader, Bradley “Rooster” Bradshaw x Reader

Word Count: 1.6k

Contains: Bi!Natasha | Reader is old friends with Natasha “Phoenix” Trace | Reader has a past with Bradley “Rooster” Bradshaw” | Reader has a lot of feelings about Jake “Hangman” Seresin

Warnings: lots of angst/fluff, explicit language, references to drinking/alcohol & sexual activity

A/N: Here it is! Part three (it's heavy on Rooster x Reader for this part)! Tag-list is at the bottom, go ahead and send me a message or reply to this post if you'd like to be added for future parts of this story. Most importantly, I hope you enjoy! <3 If you'd like to go back and read part 1, you can do that here. Or, read part 2.

...

3:

Even in only the low light of the moon you know it’s him. Bradley. Your heart lifts as a sinking feeling settles in your stomach, your mind unsure of what to do or what to think. He slams the truck door shut roughly, giving the truck one swift, hard smack. The truck was – for lack of better terms – a piece of shit. It was on its last leg back when you were dating, or so you thought. It lasted him longer than you expected. 

Whistling, he tucks his aviators into the small chest pocket of the pastel Hawaiian print shirt he’s wearing. The muted peaches and greens light up his tanned complexion even in the dark. His light brown hair is messier than normal, the short curls frizzy from the humidity of the night. He looks beautiful, of course, someone like Bradley never faltered in that department.

Part of you wants to run to him, but the logical part of you stops that idea from going any farther before it even has a chance to develop. As far as you know, he doesn’t know you’re here. You can only imagine his reaction if you popped up out of nowhere after a year and a half on his home base. He never looked back after the breakup, never reached out, never checked in. It was obvious that he didn’t think about you as much as you did him. 

You slip around the corner of the building, not wanting to be found. Things would be easier that way. A perfect plan. Well, almost perfect.

It’s hard to make anything out at night, especially the two tin trash cans behind the bar. You knock into them, the metal clattering loudly as one tips over into the other, glass bottles spilling out onto the deck. 

“Of course,” you grumble to no one, tossing your hands up towards the sky in exasperation. Just, perfect. You think about running, leaving the mess behind, but you can’t. You could blame it on some raccoons, but your guilty conscience would never recover. Cursing, you bend down to pick up the bottles, scooping them up in your arms. 

Footsteps grow closer, Rooster’s listless whistling coming to a stop. His head peers around the corner, his eyes widening at the sight of you. He calls your name out into the night, picking up his pace to a slow jog, closing the space between you. 

The sound of your name on his lips, the way his mouth wraps around each syllable with such ease even after all this time, makes your heart flutter and sends a signal to the back of your knees, making you weak. You lock your knees, clear your throat, and toss the bottles into the still standing tin, smoothing the front of your blouse. Rooster stops just in front of you, his breath rolling out into the clear night, all of his striking features coming into focus. 

“What are you doing here?” he asks, his eyes scanning your face. He looks down, taking in the sight of you standing before him, almost unsure if what he’s seeing is real. 

“Natasha invited me out for a bit, we haven’t seen each other in a long time.” Your eyes move across his face and down his body with the same ferocity, worried he might just dissipate into the night, as if he’s a mirage. 

Rooster nods, swallowing. “You could say the same for us.” 

“Yeah, I – uh – was worried I’d run into you at some point. I thought about calling to warn you.” You let out a light laugh, hoping it would ease some of the tension or make him smile. It doesn’t. 

“You should’ve.” 

“You wouldn’t have answered.” 

“You don’t know that.” His eyes soften as he speaks.

“Come on Bradley, it’s okay. I’ll stay out of your hair, we don’t have to do this,” you gesture at the space between you with your finger. “You should go, your friends are waiting for you. I’m headed back anyways.” 

He glances down at his watch, knitting his brow together. “Already? A little early for you, if my memory serves.”  He looks back at you, a small smile crawling across his lips. There it is. You push down the feeling of heat rising in your cheeks, your heart thumping in your chest. No. You won’t fall for it again. 

“I’m a guest, I have to be on my best behavior. Wouldn’t want to stand in anyone’s way of rising up through the ranks. Wouldn’t want to be a distraction.” The word tastes bitter as you say it, but it’s too late to take it back. His face contorts, twisting up with hurt. You know it’s a low blow. 

He sucks his teeth and nods, feeling the sting of your words. You watch him think over his next move, the deafening silence threatening to overtake the sound of the waves crashing on the shore nearby. His eyes glint under the moon, the low light turning them from deep brown to a sparkling amber. He sighs. 

“I can catch up with everyone tomorrow. Let me drive you back.” 

“I don’t know, do you think she can make it any further?” you tease, referring to his truck. He laughs softly and you’re surprised he hasn’t reeled back from you yet. Maybe he’d been wishing for a moment like this, too. Despite the awkward start, it feels natural – normal – to banter with him again. 

“Come on, she still runs like a dream. Get in and you’ll see.” He pulls his keys from his pocket, jangling them in the space between you. The tinkling metal sounds almost hopeful.

You want to say no, but he’s here – in front of you – something you never thought would happen, only hoped. So you don’t. You follow the pull of your heart, ignoring your mind yelling at you: no, no, no.  

The drive back to base is mostly quiet, neither one of you sure of what you want to say. It feels nice though, the silent familiarity. You watch him from the passenger seat, being careful to keep him in your periphery, not wanting to turn yourself to him and expose your desire to just drink him in unabashedly. His right hand rests firmly on the stick shift, while the left has a loose grip on the steering wheel, his fingers drumming a makeshift beat against the sunbaked leather. You remember when his hand used to rest on your thigh instead, his thumb tracing small circles over your skin. You hum at the memory, catching his attention, his eyes slipping from the road to you for half a second.

The summer night breeze blows through the windows, blowing your hair in all directions, that evening chill settling into you. 

“You cold?” Bradley asks.

You shake your head, teeth chattering. 

“Well that’ll give you away,” he taunts. He shifts in his seat, reaching behind himself in search of something. A few seconds later he turns up with a sweatshirt and holds it out to you. “Here.” He sets the bundle of fabric in your lap. 

“Really, I’m fine,” you insist. “We’re almost back, I can wait and borrow Natasha’s.” 

“Just put on the damn sweatshirt,” he sighs. 

You roll your eyes and slip the fabric over your head, the sweatshirt pooling around you, the sleeves dangling past your fingertips. You snuggle into the soft cotton blend, the familiar woodsy scent of his cologne mixed with the spice of his deodorant wafts around you, delighting your senses.

“Better?” 

“Mhmm,” you hum, breathing him in. 

“Don’t get any ideas about stealing it, I really like this one,” he glances at you, “almost as much as the one I know you still have.” 

“That jacket may or may not have been burned in a beach bonfire a couple of months ago.” 

“Shit, I was hoping I could get that one back.”

“Too little, too late Bradshaw.” 

He groans, the truck lurching to a stop as he pulls up in front of the building. He shifts the gear into park and cuts the engine, leaning back, his head hanging lazily as he turns to face you. His eyes light up at the image of you in his sweatshirt, damn, he missed that view. 

You start to take the jacket off, slipping your arms out of the sleeves, but he stops you, placing a hand on your bicep. 

“What? You want this one back, don’t you?” you mock, looking up at him.  

“Just, keep warm for now.” 

“Okay,” you say slowly, studying his face for an explanation. You come up short, unsure of what he’s really thinking. “Thanks.” 

There’s a beat of silence before you unlock the passenger side door and push it open, reaching back to unbuckle yourself, stepping out of the truck in one swift motion. Rooster just watches you, his head hanging low, his lips parted as if he wants to say something, but he doesn’t. 

“Well, goodnight.” You shut the door and smile, turning on your heel towards the building. 

“Hey, wait,” he shouts out the open window. You spin around, meeting his gaze, your chest lifting, that all-too-familiar feeling of hope fluttering in your stomach. “It’s good to see you, thanks for letting me drive you back.”

“Thanks for the ride, Bradshaw.” You return his smile. “And the sweatshirt,” you taunt, pulling at the fabric. He shakes his head. You spin back around and wave him off, the sound of his laugh muffled as his engine roars back to life.

Tag List: @arianna-bradshaw @n3ssm0nique @blue-aconite @supernaturaldawning @revolution-starter @saramaple @bittergomez @coco-loco-nut @unluckymonaghan @jointherebellion215

[thedumpsterqueen]

Standards of Performance, Chapter 9: Hesitancy

From the Beginning,  Previous Chapter

AO3 Link

Changing the chapter naming scheme; my brain can't handle two-word summaries anymore. This one is a lil short but very soft and I promise relationship progress is made. As always, I hope you love it. <3

Summary: You’re the BAU’s newest intern, desperate to prove yourself amongst an established team of much more experienced profilers. Agent Hotchner, the seemingly infallible team leader, sets strict expectations for your performance. He commands your respect without even trying, but is there something more to your relationship than a simple desire to impress your stony-faced boss?

Chapter Summary:  “Are you prepared for this to go south?” he asked, eyes boring into yours.

“Why would it?”

Words: 1962

Rating: Explicit, 18+. Warnings on AO3.

Pairings: Hotch x Reader, Hotch x You

There was no way in hell you could go into work today.

You didn’t actually have a choice, which is why you’d driven there. But you simply couldn’t command your feet to walk you into that office, towards the teams’ inquisitive stares and deductive skills that were closer to mind-reading than you were entirely comfortable with. You’d adjusted and re-adjusted your lipgloss several times over in the mirror, brushed through your hair, and even though you knew there was no way the team could know what happened 20 minutes ago in the park, you felt like you might as well have been wearing a neon sign that said “Aaron Hotchner and I Just Kissed (On the Lips).”

So you were holed up in the parking garage of the FBI in your piece of shit 2007 Toyota Camry. Stalling.

You sighed when you felt your phone buzz, knowing what the notification was. You were only seven minutes late, but seven minutes was eight too many in Hotch’s book. You checked the message.

Hotch: Please come inside.

So he knew you were hiding out, then. You sighed and slammed the car door, trudging up the stairwell and into the building.

Exiting the elevator to your floor, you paused outside of the frosted glass doors leading to the BAU and tried to still your breathing. Despite Hotch’s apparent instant regret and quick departure occupying the forefront of your mind, you still couldn’t stop thinking about how perfect that kiss had been. The part of you that wasn’t filled with panic about his reaction was squealing like a little kid at the confirmation that holy shit, he liked you too. You took a deep breath, summoned every ounce of professionalism and composure you could muster, and walked in.

You made it less than halfway to your desk.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa; don’t just walk in here like I’m gonna let that slide.” Morgan swung his legs off his desk and stood up in front of you. “Every day you get in at least ten minutes early and now you’re walking in late looking like you got something to hide. Spill it.”

Your open-mouthed gaping by way of response was blissfully interrupted by Hotch calling your name from the balcony overlooking the bullpen.

“Garcia needs your help finishing up reports. Meet her in her office.”

You shrugged to Morgan. “Duty calls. Sorry!”

“Don’t think you’re getting off that easy!” he called after you as you scampered towards the safety of Garcia’s tech lair.

You knocked on her door, and she greeted you with her standard excess of enthusiasm.

“Come in! I’m just going through my keylogs for the past few cases and filling out reports of every database I had to access less-than-legally.” She shot you an evil grin. “Which is a lot. You can help me by typing up the information into the actual reports on your computer.”

Just happy to be away from the teams’ prying eyes, especially a certain someone’s, you nodded. “Let’s do it.”

***

Not half an hour had passed when Garcia swiveled towards you in her chair, clutching her pink feathered pen with a knowing glint in her eyes. “So. Tell me.”

“What?” you asked, trying to hide your shock with feigned innocence.

“Oh, honey, come on. I may not be a profiler, but I’ve picked up a couple things throughout the years. And I can tell something’s up.”

“God damn it,” you groaned and laid back in your chair. “I thought this was a no-profiling zone.”

She smiled even wider, if that was possible. “It is. But for you, my dear, I have made an exception.”

“Did Morgan put you up to this?”

“He may have possibly texted me telling me that you were late this morning.”

You rolled your eyes.

“But you’re never late! Even I know that! So -” she scooted closer and lowered her voice conspiratorially, “- spill.”

Sighing, you weighed your options. The last thing you wanted to do was create drama and jeopardize your position, much less Hotch’s reputation, but you were itching to tell someone - if only to get their opinion on the matter. And it wasn’t as if you had anyone else to talk to…

“Fine!”

Garcia rapidly motioned her hands to signify you to continue.

“But you can’t tell anybody, okay? I’m serious, Penelope.”

“Not even-”

“Especially not Morgan.”

She pouted but reluctantly agreed, and you took a deep breath and told her everything.

How you’d developed an innocent crush at first, how it had spiraled out of control, how you’d visited his apartment and he’d told you about his past, and finally, how he’d kissed you in the park just that morning. You stopped, awaiting her reaction, but she was uncharacteristically silent.

“...Garcia?”

She cleared her throat and leaned forward. “I’m sorry, are we talking about Aaron Hotchner, like Unit Chief Aaron Hotchner, like boss man Aaron Hotchner? Mr. Grumpy? Never smiles, always wears a suit, carries the weight of the world on his sculpted shoulders?”

You glared, waiting for her to finish.

“I’m sorry,” she giggled, “It’s just -” her voice softened, “- in the whole time I’ve known him, I’ve never seen him act like that. Bring someone coffee, breakfast, open up to them. The whole bit.”

Your heart fluttered more than you’d like to admit at that.

“Listen,” she continued, “I don’t have to tell you that life has not been kind to that man. And I’m not gonna give you the stupid speech about dating an older man or dating your boss, because I don’t give a shit. But I will tell you - he’s been through enough. So if this isn’t what you want, back out now.”

Her tone was kind, but the seriousness of her message was evident. You nodded in understanding.

“I get it, but I don’t think he’s the one that’s gonna end up getting hurt here.”

“Well, hopefully nobody will get hurt and you’ll both ride off into the sunset together. But you gotta talk to him first.” She ignored your pained groan. “I’m serious! Nothing good is going to come out of you guys dancing around this. People act really stupid when they’re pretending they’re not in love with each other.”

Cocking your eyebrow, you shot back, “Kinda like you and Morgan?”

She flushed scarlet and waggled her ostentatious pen in your direction. “Touché.”

***

The thought of being emotionally vulnerable to Hotch made you more nauseous than you’d like to admit, but the more you mulled over it, the more you realized Garcia was right. Hotch knew how you felt - your fervent response to the kiss had made that abundantly clear - so what did you have to lose, really?

(Besides your career and the respect of your boss, but you tried not to consider that possibility).

He’d kissed you, you reminded yourself as you tried to focus on reports.

He cares about you, you recited like a mantra as you waited for the workday to end.

He’s twice your age and a widower with a dead kid and your Unit Chief, you panicked in the bathroom as you avoided the knowing eyes of the rest of the team.

Still, 6 pm limped in eventually and you bid everyone a good night from your desk as they filtered out. Hotch, unsurprisingly, was not among them. You planned to wait until you two were alone in the office so you could approach him undisturbed.

What you didn’t expect was just how late he worked - it was nearly 9 by the time he locked up his office, briefcase in hand, and turned to see you still sitting at your desk.

“Oh,” he said. You tried to decipher the tone of the syllable - surprised? Pleased? Indifferent? But came up short.

“I thought we could talk,” you offer cautiously.

“About wha-” he began, then seemed to think better of pretending he didn’t know and sighed. “You’re right. We should.”

You opened your mouth to speak, but he beat you to it. “I wanted to apologize for my actions this morning. I took advantage of a situation where you felt comfortable spending time with me outside of the office, and I should have never let it get that far. If you want to speak to Strauss about transferring units, I completely understand.”

You gaped at him. Was it truly possible for a man this astute, this in-tune with human behavior, to be this stupid?  

“Is that what you think this is?” you asked, practically launching yourself out of your seat from the sheer force of your bewilderment. “You think you took advantage of me? That I just went along with it because you’re my boss or something?”

The barely concealed shame in his eyes answered not only that question, but also the one you’d asked yourself beforehand - no, Hotch wasn’t stupid. He was broken. He was filled with so much self-hatred that the only explanation he could concoct as to why you were spending so much time with him was the one where you were trying to avoid offending your creepy, older boss. The realization filled you with such heartbreak that you nearly choked on your next words.

“Aaron,” you started, and it was strange how well a name you’d never before dared to say fit in your mouth, “I’ve -”

Don’t say loved.

“- liked you since that case in San Diego. I don’t know how you haven’t figured that out, considering the fact that I wake up an hour early every morning - I hate mornings, by the way - to get coffee with you. But I like you. And I know for a fact you feel the same way, so don’t try to pretend like you did after the bar.”

The number of times Hotch had been rendered speechless in his lifetime could be counted on one hand, and this made the list. You waited for him to respond, and he did, finally, in the most muted voice you’d ever heard him use.

“It isn’t right.”

“Please,” you implored, taking a step closer to him. “Don’t do that. You’re not going to talk me out of this, and I’d appreciate it if you’d stop trying to talk yourself out of it too.”

“I’m your Unit Chief,” he said, his voice regaining the power that usually accompanied that statement, “and I’m old enough to be your father.”

“And I’m an adult fully capable of making her own decisions,” you responded.

“The practicalities; they’d be a mess. Informing the Bureau, the team…”

“Would I have to quit my internship?” you asked, your only genuine hesitancy surrounding the situation.

“Well, no,” he shook his head slowly, “but we'd be subject to a much higher level of scrutiny.”

“I’m prepared to be scrutinized.”

“Are you prepared for this to go south?” he asked, eyes boring into yours.

“Why would it?”

He didn’t say anything, but you could tell what he was thinking. A man like him, someone who carried more than a few lifetimes of trauma and guilt, wasn’t someone to get involved with on a whim - for both of your sakes. This was more so the concern, you suspected, than anything he’d already mentioned.

“I know what I’m getting into, Hotch. I’m not expecting this to be easy.”

“Well, I -” he shifted uncomfortably, more visibly nervous than you’d ever seen him. “Can I least give you time to think about it?”

“Doubt I’ll be able to think about anything else,” you teased, and, with a sudden surge of courage, you stepped forward on your tiptoes to plant a feather-light kiss on his cheek.

The flush that spread up his neck was, decidedly, the most beautiful thing you’d ever seen.

Taglist: @stop-drop-and-drumroll @criminalmindzjunkie @xoprincessmel @cevanswhre @addie5264 (Message me if you want to be added!)

[thesunlounge]

Reviews 259: Robert ÆOLUS Myers

In 2017, Hawaiian archivists Aloha Got Soul released A Retrospective, introducing me and many others to ambient starmaster and spiritual healer Robert ÆOLUS Myers. Existing within the broader new age tradition though also standing apart from it, ÆOLUS’ music is borne of deep communion with nature and the exploratory possibilities of electronic synthesis, with fluttering arpeggiations, dreamwave sequences, and ethnological rhythms supporting cloudform symphonies and mystical flute improvisations. And though those descriptors could apply to any number of indistinct massage parlor soundtracks, ÆOLUS has always maintained that he makes “new age music to wake up to,” with an intense focus on helping the listener realize their inner sense of truth. Going beyond this, his music exudes a sense of magical adventure, and the sonic universes that unfold across A Retrospective work as well for soundtracking fantasy kingdom explorations, starscape space journeys, twilight jungle dances, underwater forest treks, and psychedelic vision quests as they do for therapeutic purposes. So even though new age is a fair description for the work of ÆOLUS, I sense a closer sonic kinship with the Hearts of Space sound centered around artists such Michael Stearns, Kevin Braheny, and Steve Roach as well as Klaus Schulze’s Innovative Communication, especially Software’s work with flautist Toni Schneider.

To better understand ÆOLUS’ sonic world, it helps to trace his artistic path, which began with playing clarinet as a teenager in Ohio and bassoon during his studies at San Diego State. Like many California-based surf rats of the time, Myers was lured to the sparkling waves and paradise beaches of Hawaii, where he also played drums and completed a degree in ethnomusicology. Following this, he abandoned the world of percussion to join the Honolulu Symphony as a bassoonist, a setting which proved important to a developing experimental, new age, and space music scene in Hawaii driven by Jai Ma Music and Global Pacific Records. Indeed, the Honolulu Symphony also provided work for violinist Steve Kindler and his brother Bob, a cellist and audio engineer who would go on to produce and collaborate on many of Jai Ma’s and Global Pacific’s early records, including ÆOLUS’ Aeolian Melodies and Rays. And for while, it must have seemed like Hawaii was on the verge of establishing a fertile creative community, one that also included avant-garde sound artist Nelson Hiu and guitarist Paul Greaver. But it was not to be, for when Global Pacific uprooted and moved to California, many of the musicians followed, and once Hiu departed for Hong Kong in 1985, ÆOLUS was left on the islands to chart his own artistic path through the cosmos. 

The years since that dizzying period of collaborative creativity have seen Myers furthering his studies of devotional music and indigenous cultures while also continuing to release albums and perform live through a variety of contexts, including dance pieces and theater performances. And his talents in sonic healing have never stopped developing and now find broader expression through the practice of depth psychotherapy in the “alchemical tradition of Jung.” Which brings us to Talisman, a new and lovingly curated retrospective and re-interpretation project released by Origin Peoples. In keeping with the label’s tendency towards the left-hand path, this 2xLP set is unlike most archival compilations and augments its collection of previously released tracks from The Magician and High Priestess with an unreleased dreamscape, a breathtaking live performances from New York City in 1987, and most striking of all, contemporary interpretations of ÆOLUS’ music by K. Leimer, Pharaohs, Dreems, and Lieven Martens Moana. Thus Talisman both compliments A Retrospective and shows the ways in which Myers’ art has reverberated out through time, providing seeds for everything from fractal foam kosmische to jazz folk balearica to mutating deep house to fourth-world sonic collage.

Robert ÆOLUS Myers - Talisman (Origin Peoples, 2019) “Oracle,” coming from 1993’s High Priestess, sees universal bass currents pulsating with ominous intent while being swirled around by cosmic breaths. Kalimbas and bell-chimes decay across spacious expanses before blooming into mermaid choirs and a fourth world rhythm ritual fades into being, built around rimshot cascades, tom tom ceremonials, white noise shakers, and ethnological hand drums transformed into exo-planetary fluids. Overheard, alien pan-pipes slide in ways that defy logic and feedback vapors arc across the sky...all while synthesized orchestrations glow with ethereal shadow energy. “High Priestess” follows with wisps of spectral feedback swimming through the void as string synthesizers fade in, with Schulze-ian viol reveries flowing above swelling cellos and contrabass drones. As threads of cosmic melancholia wrap around the body, a simple and obscured drum rhythm emerges, generated by tribal tom tom pulsations and danced over by synthesized idiophones and exotic music box lullabies. Atmospheres of psychotropic minimalism and exotica are repurposes for space age exploration, with flashes of cold blue light moving within the miasma of galactic sound. At some point the mood changes drastically and the air grows humid and tropical as propulsive hand drums pan across the mix. Afro idiophonics are joined by pinging Berlin school arpeggiations and knocking percussive tones while electro-claps crack through reverb caverns and all throughout the mix, bending woodwinds weave rainforest incantations and majestic string hazes obscure the dances of mysterious jungle fauna. 

As far as I can tell, Talisman is the first place “Dreamscape from the Night Kitchen” has appeared and the piece starts with crystalline strands of new age liquid floating within a haze of angel synthesis. Arpeggiations dance through exotic lullaby patterns and hand drums are heard through soft liquid layers while ominous currents of bass energy swell in and out of the mix. Hypnagogic hallucinations and moonlight forest rituals are evoked by ÆOLU’S flute performance as longform breaths of melodic mysticism evolve into sprightly elven dances. Colorful prism formations refract unseen light sources throughout the background, generating chiming decays that flutter through reverb oceans. And there’s a distinct sense of sitting within some spiritual sci-fi cavern where liquids made of glass drop into glowing pools of ether. As the track progresses, it sometimes floats in a relaxing state of hypnosis, while at other times, things move with a mysterious sense of purpose as subsonic pulsations hint at a dark ambient ceremony. Then in “Sunset,” taken from 1989’s The Magician, wisps of white light swim through cricket chirps while a zheng weaves dreamy rainbow incantations encompassing bending plucks and harp-like waterfalls. Spectral vapors move across the stereo field and sometimes blend seamlessly into the continuous insect orchestrations while up above, flutey synths lock into a sequential fantasy bounce. The vibe is transportive, otherworldly, and aligns with the recent work of Meitei in the sense that futuristic atmospheres are transformed into ancient sonic environments. 

Another track exclusive to Talisman is “Embrace,” presented as live version from 1987 in New York City that perfectly exemplifies what a powerful performer ÆOLUS was. Aqueous synth waves splash across the spectrum while a universal hum of drone modulation flows through the stereo field. Bleary piano chords decay over the watery ambiance and their freeform fantasias, atonal note clusters, and gentle jazz adventures drift eternally throughout the track. Heavenly atmosphere flow in, though distorted and threatening to spill over into white light feedback and bass textures grow increasingly present and unsettled…their fast motion vibrato wobbles disturbing the hallucinatory float. Feedback melodies scream across the sky as everything momentarily swells together while elsewhere, mermaid pan-pipes dance through future ocean kingdoms and childlike sea-spirits join the new age sound bath with wordless choral ecstasies that float upwards on unseen sea currents. Eventually, intimately blown flutes journey across the mix with overlapping dream enchantments and fragile melodies that hover in place before dispersing like a mirage. And for the rest of the track’s length, ÆOLUS executes a breathtaking trade off between mystical woodwind magic and shrieking blasts of feedback euphoria…all proceeding through an underwater paradise of pianos, choral arias, and subsuming synth fogs. 

The first reinterpretation of ÆOLUS’ work comes from K. Leimer, who presents his “Temporary & Indefinite” edit of “Environment.” Sequential synth bubbles float through space foam fuzz and Cluster-leaning lullabies are smothered in a fourth world heatwave haze. Controlled clicks, static pops, and unidentifiable scrapes float through that air while industrial hums, factory drones, and machine breaths set the stage for blissed out tapestries of smeared brass and vocals…these wisps of symphonic magic emerging from nothingness and growing into shimmering baths of sonic transcendence, with melodic movements paying tribute to the sunrise. Everything is blurry and indistinct…as if seen through a polychrome fog...while bell tones decay and trace behind them harmonious trails of light. Scraping strings are beamed in from a faraway galaxy and layered cellos sweep the heart to lands of fantasy romance before pulling away into silence, leaving the body afloat in a void of burning ambiance and vibrating metal. Spare shaker rattles hit and percussive detritus floats while orchestral swells grow increasingly distorted, eventually giving over completely to bowed string tonalities. Deep in the ether, tamburas are manipulated into droning insect psychedelia and FM crystals melt into liquid lightforms before everything morphs into a methodical fade out of Indian drone mysticism…like Pandit Pran Nath playing from within a black hole.

It’s mostly been silence from the Pharaohs camp since the release of 2017’s In Oeland, but they make a welcome return here with their “Sadhana Environment (Mana Mix)”. Crashing cymbals introduce sun-soaked folk guitar energetics while tropical bass synths wiggle through water waves and acidic bubbles blow in a warm breeze. Electric guitars loop hypnotically high in the sky before giving way to solar synthesis and layers of hand percussion dance through sea-spray…all while sampled waves crash to shore. Synthetic tones of plucked crystal weave equatorial dream melodies, jazzy acoustic guitar solos move in counterpoint to the jaunty riffs, and heatwave swells cycle all around as feedback tracers drop globs of rainbow glass. At some point, otherworldly vocalisms enter…that characteristic and wholly unique way that Pharaohs uses the human voice…mystical, tribal, joyous…with wordless scats and LSD babbles floating within a cloud of balearic exotica. Electric guitar mantras slide towards the sky over prog fusion basslines and kick drums and crashing static cymbals enter at some point, giving the groove a more defined shape. It’s a swaying jam through aquamarine tide pools, wherein smoldering six-string blues solos are repurposed into island paradise magic while vibrant cymbal splashes and pulsating drum fills join together for a narcotizing ocean jazz groove out.

Dreems’ “Natürliche Liebe” remix of “Sadhana Environment” sees a four-four beat underlying glowing glass windchimes and robotic house basslines, all thick tubular tones jacking upwards. Strange sonic vapors and bodies of incandescent gas flow alongside jungle frog squelches, hand drums bounce off of neon palm fronds, marbles made of electricity oscillate out of control, and glowing hypo-sequences join together with skittering noise textures to generate a double-time pulse while a feverish theme plays out on drunken pad modulations. New age mermaid choirs are transmuted into deep house hypnosis as martial snare rolls portend some dark club explosion, but Dreems subverts this expectation by cutting away all rhythms, instead leaving the body to float amongst silvery chime strands, aqueous bass euphorias, galactic lasers, and deep space spirit communications. Eventually, we flash into a minimal expanse of drug dance magic, wherein kick drums and flubby basslines are accented by rolling hand percussion, pinging echo fx, and fractal smears. Claps and snares give the militant stomp a swinging sense of groove while post-modernist dub panoramas rattle around the mix…a sort of Chain Reaction-style weirdness abstracted even further into extra-terrestrial sorcery. Heatwave pads introduce another rhythmic drop, wherein cave liquids, disjointed snaps, universal bass pulsations, and industrial chants waver through dream mutations. And as a crazed starlight sequence fades in from nothingness, the kicks resume their march beneath post-house cymbal fire and mutant acid stabs.

The final version of “Sadhana Environment” comes in the form of Lieven Martens Moana’s “Oahu Suite,” which proceeds like a hallucinatory collage tied together by birdsong and insect chatter. Contrabass drones fade in from the center of existence and generate waves of La Monte Young-style minimalism, which fade into arcs of bowed metal and space sirens evoking the piercing communications of 2001’s monolith. Scraping textures and feedback noises swim through bodies of water while radiophonic explorations devolve into burning waves of laser light. Sickly waverings and mosquito buzzes flow through tremolo transformations as bulbous bass clouds waver into the void. Shadow visions of hand percussion develop into rainforest drum rituals and Shepard-Risset glissando fx scream across the sky, with everything fading out as soon as it begin. Back in the world of primitive electro-experimentation, caterwauling static blends into dark liquids lapping against an alien shore and vibratory metal abstractions are smothered in ringing reverb as they swell into a towering noise assault, which then gives way to a dreamwaltz through deep sea forests. Machine spirits laugh and sing, pianos are mimicked by ring modulators, and “High Priestess” is evoked through a cloud of smoke while elsewhere, timpani drums, horror string cascades, and marimba exotics are destroyed by blasts of searing noise. Towards the end, we return to the bowed string fantasias…the deep and methodical double bass energies now joined by melodious cellos weaving glorious dawn incantations. And as it all comes to a close, waves crash to shore and birds sing in the sky. 

(images from my personal copy)

[smartmicros1]

Your presence is the main market. First, it is in the mind of visualized customers and flutter app development San Diego transform that visualized platform into real business opportunity for you.

[fumpkins]

Injectable electrodes could prevent deadly heart arrhythmias | Science

SAN DIEGO—Heart attacks and strokes activated by electrical misfiring in the heart are amongst the most significant killers in the world. Now, scientists have actually developed a “liquid wire” that, when injected into pig hearts, can direct the organs to a regular rhythm.

The results, provided here today at a conference of the American Chemical Society, are “impressive and really cool,” states Thomas Mansell, a biomolecular engineer at Iowa State University who was not included with the work. “It’s an exciting study,” concurs Usha Tedrow, a heart electrophysiologist at Harvard Medical School, likewise not associated with the work. If the findings equate to individuals, she states, it could save countless lives each year.

“Pacemaker” cells keep the heart in rhythm. Located at the top of the organ, they produce a moderate electrical pulse that takes a trip down through the heart muscle, triggering the heart’s 4 chambers to pulse in the familiar two-part “lub-dub” beat. After a heart attack or other injury, scar tissue in heart muscle can prevent the required electrical signals from propagating effectively. The result is typically arrhythmias that can either trigger the heart to flutter rapidly or beat too gradually, conditions that can cause a stroke or heart attack.

Medications and a treatment referred to as ablation treatment—in which a few of the pacemaker cells are frozen or fried—can assist. Other clients should have a defibrillator implanted. If the gadget identifies arrhythmia, it sends out an effective electrical pulse to the top of the heart to stun the muscle back into typical rhythm. It can be unpleasant. “Patients never know when they’ll be shocked,” states Elizabeth Cosgriff-Hernandez, a biomaterials engineer at the University of Texas, Austin. Many end up with persistent stress and anxiety and anxiety.

Cardiologists would like to utilize an electrode that provides a milder and possibly less unpleasant pulse, not just to the top of the heart, however likewise to the lower chambers. One choice is to thread a thin metal electrode through a coronary vein on the exterior of the heart to reach the middle areas of the heart, where it can promote the heart’s lower chambers. But the coronary veins of numerous clients are too narrow or have partial occlusions, making that difficult.

In hopes of navigating this issue, Cosgriff-Hernandez and her associates set out to produce a liquidlike gel they could inject throughout the length of a coronary vein. The gel would then quickly solidify into a conductive, versatile plastic. (Blood returning through the heart would then stream through other veins.)

To pull this off, the group developed a gel from 2 parts: One, called poly(ether urethane diacrylamide) or PEUDAm, ultimately forms the plastic; the other, N-acryloyl glycinamide, connects the PEUDAm particles together. When different, both particles are liquids.

The scientists then fed both through an ultrathin divided catheter that keeps the liquids different and placed the catheter into a coronary vein at the top of the hearts of live pigs. The group pressed the liquids down the vein and its tributaries and got rid of the catheter. Once the 2 liquids fulfilled inside the vein, the substances responded within minutes and solidified into a versatile wire.

“It worked the first time. It was really exciting,” Cosgriff-Hernandez informed guests at the conference. A bunch of tests revealed the wires to be steady, conductive, and nontoxic.

In another round of tests, the researchers scarred a few of the heart tissue of the pigs to look like people with heart muscle damage. They then injected the liquid wire and, after it solidified, linked it to a standard battery-powered heart pacemaker. The pacemaker activated a near-normal heart rhythm. The high-intensity shocks clients get today can’t match that efficiency, states employee Mehdi Razavi, a cardiologist at the Texas Heart Institute.

Getting these possibly lifesaving versatile wires into human hearts stays a method off, Cosgriff-Hernandez states. She keeps in mind that prior to that occurs, the group requires to check the injectable wires in animal designs of heart illness. Tedrow includes that the product will likewise require to show steady and safe in long-lasting research studies in animals prior to human trials can be tried. But if that shows similarly effective, it could be a significant win for biomaterials scientists, and clients, she states.  

New post published on: https://livescience.tech/2022/03/27/injectable-electrodes-could-prevent-deadly-heart-arrhythmias-science/

[synergytop]

Find the best flutter developer in San Diego, Los Angeles. SynergyTop build, test, and deploy flutter applications & focus to deliver high quality mobile applications that suits your business nature. Contact: 619-349-4911, +91 8827514783 to get more information.

[dubaibrillmindz]

Deciding the development cost for the eScooter app

Deciding the development cost for the eScooter app

For decades & decades, we have been living in a society where cars are filled with fuel-filled vehicles. Due to the ignition of fossil glasses, pollution is being spread. It affects the health of human beings and no longer can we view a greener environment. One of the feasible solutions is to eradicate carbon dioxide emissions by bringing electric fleets. In this technological world, everything is going in an advanced state. The best example is e-scooters. EV is the major transportation for the upcoming years. Check out people opinions on EV vehicles 

EV is the future transportation

It is the best trend that has triggered our economical ride sharing which is tending towards ride-sharing as a greener & economical one. Recently, electric scooters stand at the top-notch place in the news, newspaper, Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, etc. People have started to talk more about it and hence e-scooters have started to earn more popularity and recognition. Both the stakeholders and multi-modal users are giving 100% support for the electric scooters. In India, people have already started to show more interest in EV fleets. Cost for the eScooter app Development Calculate with Us the best mobile app development company in India.

Important information to know

Due to the hike in the price factor of petrol and diesel, most of the delivery people of e-commerce and food delivery business have started to use these kinds of splendid vehicles. Most of the folks in different locations like San Diego, Santa Monica, Washington, etc., are riding from one place to another with the aid of e-Scooters. These vehicles including the three-wheelers or four-wheelers are hundred percent powered with the rechargeable battery and electricity. The main idea of this blog is to procure an idea that many business people have to spend to earn more in the e-scooter app. For building a Bird-like electric scooter app development cost, it is important to look for vital key elements. 

Read More Blogs:

cost to develop food delivery app like UberEATS

Here, let us see the activation of Bird e-scooter like App

First, the pre-most important step is to download the Bird e-scooter app. Then go ahead with the process and enter the manual card details. With the aid of geo-location, the map shows the nearby scooters. You can find the scooter according to your choice. To activate the e-scooter, confirm through the smartphone. To initiate the drive it is necessary to scan the QR code. Locking the e-scooter is feasible with the aid of the available option in the app. Finally, the billing statement will be sent to your app based on the ride. Calculate Cost for the eScooter app

Scope

In this era, most of them love to ride bikes with their loved ones. For moving from one place to another, education or work, etc., bikes are the best solution. Everyone cannot afford a vehicle, building an eScooter app is the right choice. Globally, both developed and developing countries have started to adopt the eScooter rental app. The greatest benefit is that one can also earn more revenue by building these kinds of apps.

Profound details

Now, we can discuss the cost of developing an Electric bike App like Bird. It is always better to develop the Native systems on the Android or iOS platforms because its price is lower when compared to that of the cross-built platform like Flutter. The exclusive process of assigning the design is normal regarding the differential complexities of the app. Here, the standard design elements boost up or reduce the cost of the mobile app. The team framework helps in the creation process and prediction of Bird-like app development costs. 

In this present world, the Bird App Model contributes a major portion to booking a trip, initiating commutation, and blotting the consumer’s destination. Here, IoT plays a major role and possesses great potentiality, especially in the field of the e-scooter industry. However, the cost comes around twenty thousand to forty thousand dollars. Based on the skill factor, expertise the cost range differs from one firm to another.

Above graph state that currently in the Global market size of EV vehicle is growing at the 5% Approx YoY

The expertise while designing a mobile app should know about the additional cost before involving in the designing process of the e-scooter app. The most powerful tools are the intended platform and the cost designing system. Cost for the eScooter app Development can contact with The best mobile app development companies in India.

Statistical facts

In the year 2016, a well-reputed firm known to be Skinny Labs took more interest & initiated the E-scooter app. Later on, these apps were started in Washington DC. Then famous brands like Lime & Bird came out with flying colors regarding the E-scooter app. Initially, they rose up to ten million dollars before placing it into the market. Now the value has been increased to two hundred and twenty-five dollars from a team of venture capitalists. At present, the US stands at the top-notch place in the development of e-scooter apps.

Read More Blogs:

cost to develop E-commerce app app like Flipkart

E- Scooter valuation & investors (in millions of USD)

Registration

For the boarding process, registration is one of the vital parts and one should be more careful, before involving in this step. By providing all the necessary details, the registration will be successful. 

In-App Payment

By integrating the systematic payment mechanism in the app is mandatory in the e-Scooter ride-sharing app. There are two forms; one in which the money can be paid in advance and the other type is paying at the end of the ride within the app. 

Navigation

With the aid of the navigation feature, the users can have a complete idea of where the eScooters are parked. So that one can park the scooter's parking place at the right time. 

Push Notifications

The consumers have to keep on updating the details when the ride has commenced. The instant notifications like payment amount, emergency security, etc will be notified through the app.  

Barcode Scan 

This feature is an integral part and examines how the riders will initiate the ride on eScooter. The scanning process is one of the biggest challenges for developers. 

Cross-Platform ability

If you wish to start your own electric scooter app globally, then this app will be most important. The compatibility should speak more value and be integrated with the platforms like Apple, Windows, and Android, etc. You can also shine well by making use of this functionality.

Admin side

User Management

This functionality must be maintained in the admin’s dashboard in a seamless manner. The admin should track the details like usage of the app, issues faced, etc. 

Ride Control

There should be an overall control over the ride history, locations, speed limit, etc. It is mandatory to follow the government’s protocols. 

Payment Management

It is the most important functionality where all the payment records will be maintained. If there are any changes made in the payment mechanism, the notifications should be sent to the user. 

Read More Blogs:

cost to develop an on-demand delivery app like Doordash

Dispute Management

In case of any disputes, the complaints can be raised immediately through the app and they will be resolved within the concerned time. 

Other advanced features 

Smart Lock

Once you reach the destination, the locking of the vehicle can be easily processed successfully with the aid of the Smart Lock option. 

Multi-lingual support

Language is not a barrier for the e-Scooter app, it supports multiple languages. 

Real-time Tracking 

With this available functionality, the parked vehicle can be easily spotted out. It is considered a vital feature to build the E-scooter app. 

Payment Gateway 

Through the secure gateway integration, the payment can be processed successfully without complications. 

 Substantial advantages

A recent report exclaims that e-scooter development is a risk-free approach and hence the business can start to invest their contribution towards e-scooter development. The electric fleets have many alluring benefits where the people have started to prefer EV when compared to the petrol or diesel vehicles. 

Averting traffic bottleneck

Most of the commuters get frustrated due to the road traffic and pollution created by conventional vehicles. By using electric scooters, one can be free from traffic congestion without any tension. At the same time, roaming on the busy roads gives a good feel. 

Eco-friendly environment

By using traditional vehicles, we create more air pollution due to the combustion of gasses. But going ahead with the EV vehicles aids in the preservation of the environment and thus creates a greener future. 

Efficient maintenance

The E-scooters can be maintained easily and the maintenance cost is also affordable. But the petrol or diesel vehicles have to be given for the service for at least three months once. Better revenue can be seen in the e-scooter industries. 

Affordable riding cost

In the Copenhagen location, traveling through the e-scooter cost about only one dollar. In India, the buying cost of EV fleet is a little bit costlier but there will be nil maintenance cost due to the integrated battery or electricity. 

Cost of development for e-Scooter App

Once you are clear with the benefits of the e-scooter app, we can move on to the instant step of the cost of development factor. The cost of an e-scooter app relies on the features of the app and it can be integrated easily into the typical app. If you possess a relevant budget and wish to attract audiences to the app, you can go ahead with advanced features like social media integration. This one is the best option when comparing to the conventional type of vehicle. 

Read More Blogs:

Educational app development company

Most of them think that it is necessary to create an e-Scooter App? Yes, of course, it is a more important one in this costly living world. These kinds of apps are growing at a faster rate than our expectations. If you are planning to invest money for a longer-term, then the only available option is e-Scooter app development. Just by following the guidelines from the scratch, you can easily succeed.  

Summing up!!

From the above-discussed points, it is clear that e-scooters have created a huge impact on everyone’s life. The battery-powered e-scooters are becoming a popular trend all over the world. Here, the electric scooter designs are improving day by day and the batteries hold a lifetime of about eight years. To save our environment from the polluted gasses, we have to go ahead with the procurement of e-scooters. Most of the popular brands like Tesla & Nissan started to manufacture the EV globally. It is in our hands to make the right decision and move on to the Option of EV.

[thrivous]

The programmable, CRISPR-responsive smart biomaterials developed at Harvard and MIT (see below) promise to find many clinical and industrial applications.

“Our study shows that the power of CRISPR can be harnessed outside of the laboratory for controlling the behavior of DNA-responsive materials,” said Wyss Institute Founding Core Faculty member James Collins.

“We developed a range of materials with very different capabilities that highlight the breadth of applications enabled by programmable CRISPR-responsive smart materials. These applications include novel theranostic strategies, point-of-care diagnostics, and the regional monitoring of epidemic outbreaks and environmental hazards.”

This breakthrough “demonstrates the value of CRISPR technology for entirely new fields, ranging from diagnostics and theragnostics to bioelectronics, and marks yet another inspiring inflection point for biomedical developments enabled by this bioinspired technology,” added Wyss Institute Founding Director Donald Ingber.

CRISPR-responsive smart biomaterials. Scientists at Harvard's Wyss Institute for Biologically Inspired Engineering and MIT have demonstrated programmable CRISPR-responsive smart materials that could open the door to novel tissue engineering, bioelectronic, and diagnostic applications. A research paper published in Science shows that, upon activation by specific natural or user-defined DNA stimuli, a CRISPR-Cas enzyme enables a variety of smart materials to release bound cargo such as fluorescent dyes and active enzymes, change their structures to deploy encapsulated nanoparticles and live cells, or regulate electric circuits thereby converting biological into electric signals.

Research advances against incurable children's brain cancer. Researchers led by Yale University, University of Iowa, and the Translational Genomics Research Institute (TGen), an affiliate of City of Hope, have discovered a new pathway that may improve success against an incurable type of children's brain cancer. The study results, published today in Nature Communications, suggest that scientists have identified a unique way to disrupt the cellular process that contributes to Diffuse Intrinsic Pontine Gliomas (DIPG).

Dogs help maintain a healthy heart. Owning a pet may help maintain a healthy heart, especially if that pet is a dog, according to an analysis of a wide sample of people in the city of Brno, Czech Republic, from January 2013 through December 2014. The study, published in Mayo Clinic Proceedings, examines the association of pet ownership - specifically dog ownership - with cardiovascular disease risk factors and cardiovascular health.

The physical basis of successful ion therapy against cancer. Researchers at TU Vienna have demonstrated physical processes for ion therapy, which harnesses complex atomic effects to destroy cancer cells. A study published in Journal of Physical Chemistry Letters shows that, owing to a process called interatomic coulombic decay, an ion can pass on additional energy to surrounding atoms. This frees a huge number of electrons, with precisely the right amount of energy to cause optimal damage to the DNA of the cancer cells.

Soft robotic muscles for advanced prosthetics. Researchers at Korea Advanced Institute of Science and Technology (KAIST) have developed an ultrathin, artificial muscle for soft robotics. The advancement, recently reported in Science Robotics, was demonstrated with a robotic blooming flower brooch, dancing robotic butterflies and fluttering tree leaves on a kinetic art piece. The researchers are persuaded that soft robotic muscles could have a wide variety of applications, from wearable electronics to advanced prosthetics.

How pressure-sensing proteins work. Scientists at Weill Cornell Medicine and The Rockefeller University have discovered the basic mechanism of Piezo proteins, which function as sensors in the body for mechanical stimuli such as touch, bladder fullness, and blood pressure. The research results, published in Nature, open up many new paths of investigation into the roles of Piezo proteins in human diseases and potential new therapeutic strategies.

New promising approach to cancer immunotherapy. Researchers at UC San Diego have developed a new therapeutic approach for cancer, which halts drug resistance and cancer progression by using an antibody that induces the immune system to seek and kill cancer cells. Promising research results with laboratory mice, published in Cancer Research, have been obtained by using a monoclonal antibody that induces the immune system to seek and kill ανβ3-expressing cancer cells.

New hydrogel promotes tissue repair and regeneration. Bioengineers and dentists at UC Los Angeles have developed a new hydrogel that is more porous and effective in promoting tissue repair and regeneration. A study published in Nature Communications shows that, once injected in a mouse model, the new hydrogel induces migration of naturally occurring stem cells to better promote bone healing. Current experimental applications, using hydrogels and stem cells introduced into the body or expensive biological agents, can come with negative side effects.

Originally published at thrivous.com on August 26, 2019 at 03:07PM.

[behindthespotlightfic]

chapter 8

Heya! It’s me at last. I’m not really proud of this chapter but I hope you all like it anyway! Remember, you can click on the links to listen to the songs and watch the videos!

----

It’s Monday, half past one PM. I’m sitting in a bench of the Terminal 6, in the LAX airport. Finn’s plane is due to land in five minutes, and I have a book on my hands which I’ve been reading for half an hour. It’s called The Goldfinch, and it was a gift from Clara, who’s been visiting me almost every day; the days she didn’t come to my house, it was me who went to hers. And just like an older sister, I’ve been taking care of her. Not in a motherly way, but in a “I’m your sis, let’s be cool together” kind of way. And things are okay-er right now: she can try and forget everything for almost half an hour now… which is great progress, actually.

Me, I’ve been working on four or five projects, including music videos and internet adverts. Not all projects are interesting or fun to work on, but this time I’ve hit the jackpot and I’ve been hired to edit videos by Bastille and the Orwells, both alternative bands. I’m not really acquainted with them, but it’s been an opportunity to get to know their music. The rest of the work, it’s not really worth mentioning it: shampoo commercials and such.

I’ve been playing the guitar as well, and even though I have no plans on doing anything worthwhile with it, I feel at peace when I do it. It’s a bit like being with Finn, but in a more introspective way, like it’s just me, myself and I there, and I can mess up however I mess up, I can try whatever I like, and nothing will change nor will anybody judge me for it.

Don’t misinterpret me, I still remember Anthony’s words, but I guess I’m just not ready to show myself to the world like that, even if an hypothetical band of mine was never successful. And I’m fine with it.

The screen over the boarding gate lights up (“SAN DIEGO, 11:34am - LANDED”), and a voice reads it out loud through the speakers. Immediately, a tiny butterfly starts fluttering in my stomach, and I stand up, putting the book back in my handbag. It has been barely a weekend, but, to be fair, I’ve missed Finn quite a lot. We’ve texted each other and even skyped one or two times, but nothing compares to him being by my side, flesh and bones.

I recognize his silhouette almost immediately; how couldn’t I? His tousled hair is inevitably familiar to me, the glasses hanging from his tee’s collar are as they were last week. I haven’t approached a single step to the gate, but he sees me now, and I don’t need to. A warm smile appears on the lips of the both of us, and when he reaches me, he just stands there, barely no distance between him and me.

“Finn”, I say, mischievously.

“Yes?”

“Welcome”. And I kiss him, and it feels like it’s been a month since that last tour night in Vienna. I wrap my arms around him, and he hugs me in return. “How’s the journey been?”

“Kinda long… you know?”

I laugh. “Come on, it’s only an hour from here.”

“Every place is too far if it’s away from you”, he sighs. “I’m seriously thinking of moving.”

“Really? After knowing me for only a month?”

He laughs. “Okay”, he says, “maybe I’d think a bit more about it, but… you know, I really wanted to see you again.”

When Finn laughs, it’s like the world stops and shines a light on him. That carefree laugh he has, the way his lips open wide, the chuckling sound… it all melts me to the ground.

And I can’t help but kiss him again.

“Come on”, I say when we break apart, grabbing his suitcase, “let’s go home.”

I drive, with an old R.E.M. record playing, and we chat and talk about the last three days, as comfortably as we did when we were just friends. With him, it’s like I’m talking to a really good friend… Except I like him a bit differently, and I get to kiss him, and all that cool stuff.

“this one goes out to the one I love…”

The singer’s voice sounds really sure of what he’s saying, but even though I really don’t wanna stop that train in which Finn and I are travelling to the speed of light, I’m still not completely free from doubt. I’m really sure of my friendship, of this I am. But who knows, I’ve only been with him a week or so. It might be only a fling, some kind of passing attraction. Because he’s truly attractive, and not only by his looks. He may be completely serious and the next second be laughing like his life depended on it. He’s unpredictable in a good way, and it’s no wonder he’s had so many girlfriends over the years. 34 years a heartthrob, what else can he do…! But whether this is a simple affair or something more, I’m okay with it.

The airport’s forty minutes from my home, so we have plenty of time to sing along. We go through the whole album and a single by the Orwells (Black Francis, the song I edited the music video for), and when we arrive, it’s something special. I’m eager to show him my house, and he just walks around, saying nothing. He’s very serious, and I wonder what he’s thinking of. After a slow stroll, he sits down on a step of the stairs and looks me in the eye. When I’m about to ask him if he’s okay, if I should worry, he talks at last.

“You know what?” he says with a smile, “I lived here.”

My astonishment is almost immediate.

“Really?” I laugh.

“I’m serious, Amy!” he grins. “Back in 2007, when I was fighting my way to where I am now, I lived in LA for a year and a half. Mankind will never get to know the bands I worked for, as most of them were too tiny and disappeared in barely six months, but look at me now…”

“But… it’s such a coincidence” I say, almost to myself. I moved here in 2009, so the house might have had lots of owners before me.

“I know!” he agrees. “I was freaked out too when you told me that was your house. It’s nearly scary.”

We can’t help but giggle at our fortuite fate.

“You have it way more organized than I did, by the way. I was a complete mess when I was young.”

“I can imagine it”, I smirk.

He stands up, and we look at each other for a moment, not saying anything. But my resolute self takes over.

“Do you want to have lunch here and have a walk around later, or do you prefer going out for lunch right now?”

Finn pretends to think, but I can see he’s slowly getting closer to me, eyes stabbing me, half-a-grin in his lips. I play his game, pretending not to notice.

“I think we could order something, don’t you?”

But just when he’s about to kiss me, I get away from him.

“Alright, then we’d better call before they close at the pizza place.”

I laugh and run to the kitchen, where I call from my mobile phone. But Finn doesn’t give up, and just when I’m asking for a medium-sized pepperoni, I feel him softly biting my collarbone. I feel a shiver down my spine, but I keep on talking.

“Yes, I’m in Central, not far from your restaurant”, I say. When I’m about to tell the man on the phone my address, though, I feel my voice crack up a tiny bit. He’s moved onto my neck, and with each time it gets more intense.

“Okay, half an hour, alright… thank you” I finish. He’s been kissing my neck for the whole time of the call now, and I just can’t help it, I’m sunk, I’m done. As always, he’s mischievous and he loves it. And I do too.

By the time the sun sets, we’ve made love (both before and after having that pizza I ordered), we’ve drifted around Silver Lake -the district, as well as the meadow next to the actual lake- and we’ve had a cocktail and some chips from a food truck.

And I feel fine, like all my problems didn’t matter. It’s because of Finn, yes, but not only; Los Angeles is a city in which everyone can feel at home. My homeland is and will always be England, alright, but L.A. truly comes close. And ever since I moved here, I’ve felt it as if it was my city, my comfort zone, a place to where I can return and feel safe and sound. It’s a place where I can freely develop myself, and every time I come back from touring, I love seeing it again and walking through its streets.

I suppose Anthony knew what he was talking about when he sang that it was his companion. Because it’s become mine too.

[008chrisbailleul]

The midnight visitor

It had finally happened, Jack had found his dream home on a lake. He had to move from California to North Carolina to find it, but he found it! Jack sat on his porch on his rocker, sipping his glass of $60.00 American bourbon with 3 ice cubes. Any more than that and it'd get to watered down. 3 ice cubes cooled it off just enough and gave Jack just enough time to drink it before it got watered down and he could chew on the ice when he finished the glass.  Bourbon was a recent development in Jacks Life.  Before Helen passed, all he ever drank was beer and it was rare!  His smoking on the other hand had been a habit he had maintained since he was a teenager, taking breaks from it occasionally.  His last break lasted 11 years, but like bourbon, it started again after Helen.  He tapped his pipe on the arm of his rocker then packed it with some sweet cool burning tobacco. Before he lit his pipe, he watched the fire flies flicker in and out of sight and just listened to the night noises. Helen would've Loved here! She was from the south. Born and raised in Nashville Tennesseee, Helen moved to California when she was just 19 with dreams of becoming a TV news Anchor. Little did she know she'd meet the love of her life just 3 months after arriving in Los Angeles and give up her dreams to be the wife of a Navy Captain. They'd spend the next 25 years together, raising two children, 1 boy, Thomas and a girl, Liberty.  Moving from one duty station to another, living in a dozen cities in a dozen different countries. Though Helen never got to sail the Seven Seas with Jack, she crossed them in a military plane and wrote about it. Just before Jack retired Helen was diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer. The doctors said nothing could be done, but Helen refused to believe that. She adopted a 100% organic diet, stopped drinking and started exercising regularly. It appeared to work, for a little while. But those efforts only bought her an additional 9 months. One night, while Jack and her lay in bed Helen asked him where he pictured them retiring. Jack replied "In a house on a lake, that had a dock where we could go canoeing and fish. Or just watch the night sky from the porch". Helen loved the thought so much she made Jack promise he would take her there after it was all over. Jack kissed her and made the promise, saying "I would never do it without you". Later that night when Jack had finally fallen asleep, Helen took her husbands hand, told him how much she loved him and how much she'd miss him, then proceeded to ingest her entire bottle of pain medication one pill at a time. Jack woke early the next morning holding his wife's cold dead hand. In shock and distraught, Jack wept for hours before he was able to gain enough composure to call the hospital.  Both of their children grown and living their own lives, Jack decided to have Helen cremated and have her ashes put in a place of honor in their house on the lake, when he found it.  Though their was a service in San Diego for Helens friends before Jack left, the real Memorial however was held in Helens home town in Kentucky.  It was there that Jack told his kids that he was selling the family home in San Diego to find their mothers dream retirement home.  Liberty was crushed by this news, she loved that house, she married the love of Her life in that backyard.  Thomas was not overly impressed with the idea of strangers living in the house where his mother had written her some 30 books in and where now an echo of her soul resided.  But they both knew their father needed the money from the sale of it to find his new home.  That house had become Hallowed ground to Thomas and Liberty.  They were not going to lose it if they could help it.  Jack lit the pipe, took a few puffs and stared blankly across the water, listening.  The chirps of crickets, the croaking of frogs, the occasional faint splash from fish jumping out of the water and the fluttering of bats wings was this nights orchestra.  It was a far cry from the jet and boat noise he heard at night in Point Loma and he wouldn’t trade it for anything...except maybe to be with Helen again.  That thought was never very far from his mind. Watching the smoke from his pipe ascend into the night sky, Jack wondered what it must have felt like when Helen slipped from the physical plane into the afterlife.  He hoped it was peaceful for her.  She was a tough and spiritually solid person, but he stilled worried about her, wherever she was now!

[synergytop]

Flutter Development San Diego

SynergyTop is the Top Flutter Development Company in San Diego. SynergyTop is one of the early-adapters of Flutter and has experience in creating vibrant mobile apps using Flutter.