#folio matters

[unlimitedlust]

Chokehold - Noah Sebastian x Reader (+18)

Author's Note:

Heyy, I've had this idea in my head for a while now and it took me some time to finally write it so I hope y'all like it!!

I'm new to this fandom and this is my very first Noah Sebastian fanfiction, but I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.

Disclaimers: as any other content in this blog, this is a highly NSFW smutty story so if you're not into this kind of explicit content I advise you not to read it. Here you'll have a bit of plot and lots of porn, unprotected p in v (be safe out there), oral (f receiving), Noah being a giver, alcohol and lots of explicit descriptions.

English is not my first language, so forgive me for any mistakes I eventually skipped while proof-reading it.

I wrote it to Sleep Token's "Chokehold", "Take Me Back To Eden" and "The Summoning", and also to Bad Omens' "The Death Of Piece Of Mind" and "What It Cost", so if you're into listening to something while reading, I recommend you these songs.

WC: 4.7K

Enjoy your time here and if you enjoy it, feel free to leave it a like and/or to reblog the story, your feedback is what keeps me writing!!

End of Author's Note

-0-

You were Bad Omens’ photographer for the tour, the one responsible for taking all the pictures the fans would go feral online, especially Noah’s, and you couldn’t help but to keep giving them more material, because even though you’d never admit it, you’d also secretly had a deep crush on him. 

The guys from the band and the crew would often joke about how Noah’s pictures were the best ones and how you privileged him over the rest of the band, but you always dismissed the subject by saying that it wasn’t your fault he had the better angle since he was the lead singer. It was true in some aspects, yes, but your skills for taking fantastic pictures no matter how challenging the circumstance was were undeniable, so in the end of the day, it wasn’t hard to reach the conclusion that Noah was your favorite.

You often caught yourself admiring the pictures you took of him, his perfect angelical features in contrast with his tattoo covered skin, the way his eyes would catch the lens like he was staring right into your soul through the camera separating you.

But that was all coming to an end tonight.

They’d just played their last concert of the tour and you’d all agreed to make a small (kind of) party to celebrate it at the boys’ place.

You felt bittersweet towards the event. You were happy to be partying with them and being able to enjoy the moment without the concern of taking the perfect pictures. But on the other hand, you were sad you wouldn’t be seeing the band daily anymore and you’d miss them because you’d gotten attached to them and to their jokes, and also (and obviously) because you wouldn’t be seeing Noah anymore.

Your flight home for the morning after the party was already booked and you’d already checked in to save you some time.

So you sighed when you walked inside the big house in front of you. You, like always, held your confident and unwavering poise before everyone, but deep down you were uneasy. Was this the last time you’d be seeing him? In how long? Or ever?

You couldn’t hear the sounds of your heels clicking on the wooden floor because at each step you got closer to the party where loud music was blasting and you soon found the small crowd of people in the main living room already having their own fun.

You felt an arm hooking on yours and suddenly Folio was pulling you through the people towards the rest of the band and you couldn’t help but to smile at the unexpected gesture.

Your heart raced and your cheeks burned as you got closer to Noah, who’d been watching you from the moment you arrived, but you played it cool like always as you got to them and Ruffilo immediately put a bottle of beer in your hand.

Noah couldn’t take his eyes off you. 

You didn’t know that, but he also had a strong crush on you and all of the band knew it. He always told them it was just a small crush and they should ignore it just as he did (or tried), because he wanted to keep it professional between you two.

But when you got to his sight and he saw you wearing that black leather crop top, with thin straps on your shoulders, just a zipper on the front imprisoning your breasts and highlighting your cleavage, along with a high-waisted skinny black skirt molding your curves and, mainly, your ass, bare toned legs on display and black boots on your feet, he was done.

You’d spent the last months practically living together in tour buses and stuff, but you always wore larger, baggy dark clothes that’d cover your body and blend you with the rest of the crew, so how well you looked caught not only Noah’s attention, but everyone else’s, the difference tonight was the fact that Noah just wouldn’t stop staring.

You felt confident, you knew you looked hot and secretly you’d chosen your clothes just for him, to impress him, to catch his attention. And your mission was successfully accomplished.

“Hey pretty” Noah reached his right arm out and pulled you to him in a side hug before kissing the top of your head.

“Hey handsome”

That exchange wasn’t new for you, it was like that every time you met, but this time, the way his lips lingered longer in your forehead as you inhaled his scent deeply got you very aware that something was different tonight. Was it because you were parting ways?

When he let you go he searched for the flustered expression you always had in your face when he did that, but sensed some apprehension instead, despite the grin forming on your lips.

Another thing you didn’t know is that Noah learned over time how to read you and he loved how cute you looked every time he got a shy smile out of your lips.

He loved how flustered you got when he gave the camera the looks he knew got you weak on your knees, because every time he did that, he saw how you unwittingly licked your lips as you checked out the pictures you’d just taken. And no, you didn’t have that same reaction over the pictures you took from the rest of the band, no matter how incredible they were.

“Gonna miss me now that the tour is over?” You teased him, taking a sip from your beer.

“Miss you? Why? We’re not going anywhere” Confusion splattered across Noah’s face as he had his full attention on you.

“You remember I live on the other side of the world right?”

His jaw visibly tensed when he finally processed the information you just brought him.

“Fuck…” Noah was frustrated “But you’re still coming for the barbecue tomorrow, right?” 

“Uh… Nope… My flight leaves early in the morning actually…” You felt guilty as the words came from your lips, the intensity of his glare over you stealing your breath as Noah looked like he’d just been stabbed.

“No, you can’t do that… Are you saying this is our last night with you until God knows when?”

He took a big gulp of his own beer, his knuckles white due to the hard grip on the bottle and on the counter behind him, until he sighed in defeat.

“Come on, it’s not like we’re never seeing each other again” You nudged him trying to cheer him up “All you gotta do is hire me as your photographer again” You winked at him and took another swing of your beer, but you didn’t miss the way he watched your lips wrapping around the bottle.

“You say it like we’ve fired you, but you forget you won’t get rid of us, and especially me that easy”

“Like I’d want to get rid of you” You rolled your eyes.

“You could’ve waited a little longer to go home though, are you that tired of looking at my face?” He teased, the smirk on his lips making you weak on your knees.

“Tired of looking at a catch like that? Never”

“You think I’m a catch? Good to know” The way his eyes burned as he looked at you up and down again raised goosebumps on your skin.

“You’re insufferable” 

“And you’re a terrible liar” He grabbed your hand “Now come on let’s have some fun”

The rest of the band along with other guests had gathered around the sofas in the middle of the room, all of them paying attention to Jolly, who was explaining the rules of the drinking game he’d just invented.

After a few drinks, beers and shots in, you along with anyone else got loose and the games that were tame at first got wilder as the night went on.

“Truth or dare, come on, never gets old and I’m dying for some revelations tonight” Folio spun an empty bottle in the center of the coffee table in front of them “bottom asks, top answers”

The bottle finally stopped spinning and you had the first round: Rufillo to Jolly.

Jolly chose dare and Rufillo made him drink 5 seconds of tequila.

Another spin. Folio to you.

“Come on honey, truth or dare?” He made the question with a mischievous glint in his eyes.

“Truth”

“Let’s heat things up a bit then: of the people in this room, who would you make out with?”

Your cheeks burned red with his question as all eyes were on you and the room went silent waiting for your answer. Yet you weren’t shy, the alcohol in your system had you bold at that point.

“Noah” 

“Yet you always deny he’s your favorite” Folio pretended to be offended.

You winked at Noah, who was sitting by your side, eyes narrowed in you as he raked them over you, visibly satisfied by your answer.

A few more rounds went by until the bottle landed on Noah.

“Truth or dare, buddy?” Folio had evil intentions in his eyes again and of course Noah wasn’t going to be spared.

“Dare”

“I dare you to take a body shot on the person you find the hottest in this room”

Noah left his place by your side as the boys brought him salt, a piece of lime and a shot of tequila. When he got up you felt your heart sinking in your chest with the realization he might choose another girl, but when he knelt in front of you, you lost your breath.

Noah rested his tattooed hands on your knees, uncrossed your legs and pulled you towards him, to the edge of the couch, the way he manhandled you catching you off guard as he was now between your legs and your skirt rose higher, getting dangerously shorter.

Heat pooled in your panties as you watched him lean you backwards and prepare you for the body shot. He placed the small glass of tequila in your cleavage, poured salt on your neck and the piece of lime between your lips.

“May I?” He splayed his hands on your thighs as the smug on his lips grew wider.

Since your lips were occupied by the piece of lime, you only nodded, watching him lick his lips as he leaned closer towards your neck. 

Noah took his time on licking the salt off your neck, swirling his tongue and kissing your skin in the process, then made his way down to your chest where his nose brushed against the valley of your breasts as he wrapped his lips around the shot glass to down it, and for last came up for the lime on your lips, his own ghosting over yours as he took it with his teeth, eyes locked on yours as he teased you in front of everyone, fingers sinking on your thighs as he seemed to be holding himself back.

Rufillo cleared his throat loudly and Noah quickly stood on his feet.

“Fuck I’m dizzy” Was all you could muster as you got up as well all flustered, pulling your skirt down as you headed for the kitchen for some water.

You were so aroused you didn’t know what to do with yourself. Your core ached between your legs as you pressed them together hoping for some friction. You chugged down a glass of cold water in a vain attempt to ease your nerves, but it wasn’t water you were thirsty for.

The feel of his tongue and lips on your neck still lingered, tingling, and you wondered what he would do to you if you weren’t surrounded by people.

“Thirsty?” Noah materialized behind you, practically caging you, but also keeping some distance.

His eyes were darker than usual, burning holes in yours as he waited for your answer, and you both knew very well that “water” wasn’t the subject, and since this was your last night with them, with him, you weren’t running away anymore.

“Been the whole tour” You fired back at him and he took a step closer.

“Same on my part” He cupped your cheek with one of his hands, his fingers entangling with the hair on your nape while his thumb traced your lips “It’s a shame we waited this long… If you only knew all the ways I’ve had you in my mind…”

His husky voice sent your shivers straight to your pussy at his confession, and you wanted nothing but to have at least a sneak peak of what he’d had in his head. If only he could know what’s been to yours as well.

“Well now I can’t seem to understand why are you taking so long to show me?”

“Is there someone in a hurry?”

“Since I have a flight in the morning…” His hand slid down to your neck, choking you.

“And who says you’re getting into that plane tomorrow?” You couldn’t help but to moan when he tightened his hand around your neck just enough to make you melt into his grip “Let’s get out of here”

He let go of your neck and grabbed your hand, guiding you upstairs towards his bedroom. You stood in the middle of his room waiting for his next step as he locked the door behind him, the predatory gaze sending shivers down your spine as he checked you out once again.

“You are so fucking beautiful”

You couldn’t help but to blush at his confession as he stood in front of you, both hands cupping your face, admiring your delicate features.

“I’ve been wanting to do this since the first day I laid my eyes on you” He licked his lips, his eyes shifting from your lips to your eyes.

“Fucking kiss me, Noah”

“Thought you’d never ask”

He crashed his lips against yours and you felt your body going limp in his arms as he deepened the kiss. You let your fingers trail their way through his dark soft hair as his tongue explored yours, devouring you. He kissed you passionately and his hands roamed free over your body, you nibbled his lower lip and he pulled your hips closer, making sure you’d feel how hard he already was, pressing against your belly.

“If you don’t tell me to stop now, I won’t” He gasped, his restraint holding on by a thread.

“Who says I want you to stop?” Your hands slid down his chest to the hem of his shirt “I want your everything” You pulled his shirt upwards and he took the cue to help you take it off.

Your fingertips traced the tattoos on his body in admiration, every inch of him pure perfection in your eyes.

He kissed you again and guided you backwards to his bed, making your body collapse on it just as you felt your calves hitting its edge. Noah hovered over you, the thin chain around his neck dangling over you, almost touching your face as his hand ran up the side of your body from your outer thigh.

When he reached your ribcage, his fingers changed their path to the middle of your chest, to the zipper of your crop top, and you held your breath as he opened it slowly, eyes trained on you as the leather piece slowly slid off your breasts revealing them to him, nipples hard and sensitive on his full disposal.

“Fucking amazing”

Your lips met once more as he splayed one of his hands on one of your boobs, fondling it and pitching your nipple between his tattooed fingers. His body stood between your legs and you whimpered when he rubbed his clothed manhood against your aching center, covered only by helplessly damp lace panties.

His lips trailed kisses down your jaw towards your neck, where he now, very aware of your sensitivity in that area, covered your skin in with kisses and angry love-bites, clearly intending on marking you as his.

Your manicured nails ran up his back as his lips now peppered kisses down your clavicles to your chest, his mouth immediately latching on one of your breasts, suckling and nibbling your nipple, to then soothe the small sting with the softness of his tongue before switching his attention to the other.

You arched your back, legs spreading wider apart as you surrender yourself completely to his mercy, small cries of pleasure escaping your lips as you watched him, mouth and hands full of your boobs, the ache between your legs almost unbearable as you desperately needed him there, filling you.

“Noah please…” You pleaded as your legs tried to pull his hips to grind against you with no avail.

His voice was raw, deep and filled with lust: “Please what?” 

He teased, lips now traveling lower on your body, stopping only to give him enough room to take both your skirt and panties at once, throwing it randomly in his room.

“I need you to tell me what you want babe” He nibbled the skin right below your navel, and the realization of how close he was to your intimacy sent stronger shivers over your body as he kissed your inner thighs “Fuck you’re dripping”

“I need you inside me, please” You whined as his lips got closer to your hot center, his eyes admiring how glistening wet you already were for him before he blew his breath on you, making you quiver at the sensitivity.

“I will princess, but I need to taste you first”

Noah spread your legs wider apart and his tongue ran flat over your pussy, collecting and tasting all the arousal he could get, moaning against you as he finally got to taste you. His skilled tongue on your clit got you seeing stars in seconds as he worked on building your orgasm, and you prayed the music downstairs was loud enough to keep the rest of the party from hearing you, because you just couldn’t hold yourself back.

“You taste so fucking good”

Noah ate you like a starved man, feasting on you, taking pleasure in watching the sexed expressions on your face and how you helplessly writhed below him. He added a finger inside you as he kept working on you with his mouth, his long finger immediately finding the magic spongy spot inside you that made your legs shake around his neck as the pleasure knot forming on your lower belly threatened to explode violently at any second.

You tried to hold it back for as long as you could, but when he combined the work on your clit with his tongue along with a precise flick of his wrist, he forced the orgasm out of you in strong white hot waves of ecstasy, making you lose your senses for a few seconds as he rode your high.

Yet Noah didn’t stop.

Still eating you, he held you firmly and flipped you both on the bed, making you sit on his face. Your faltering legs threatened your balance, but his firm grip kept you up straight. 

You looked below you and the scene alone almost made you cum again. The pussy-drunk look on his face, the disheveled hair, the way half of his face was covered in your slick, dark eyes glossy as he looked up meeting yours as he kept lapping, sucking, overstimulating you on purpose.

“Oh my fuck N-Noah…” 

“Fuck my face babe” 

He growled against you, fingers sinking on your ass cheeks as you, still shaky, followed his command and started to roll your hips back and forth, allowing you to control the pace, the pressure, and to use his face on your own will.

You felt your climax blossoming inside you again as he kept devouring you, drinking in every drop he could take from you, his nose rubbing against your clit while he fucked you with his tongue. 

“Oh fuck… Noah…” Your orgasm bubbled up inside you again, but you were not ready for it yet, you were sure you’d collapse on top of him if he gave you another one in such a short time.

As if reading your thoughts Noah stopped, keeping you from falling apart so soon, but on the other hand edging you as you were so close to jumping off that cliff again.

You got off of his face and moved down his body to remove his pants and underwear, hurried, dying to feel him. He propped himself on his elbows and watched you undress him with shaky hands, the fucked out expression on your face making him want more of you.

Your jaw dropped when his cock sprung free, rock hard against his belly, head glistening with precum, the size and thickness doing justice to his height, and your throat went dry to the thinking of how he would feel inside you, stretching you.

“It’s all yours” He grinned, watching you admire him.

You straddled and pulled him up to kiss you and your taste still lingered on his tongue. His arms wrapped around your back and waist bringing you closer, and you took the cue to rock yourself against his shaft, coating it with your arousal, mixing it with his precum, the friction making him groan against your lips.

You pulled his hair, tilting his head back exposing his neck, and attacked it with your lips and tongue, all while you now teased the head of his cock with your opening, pretending you’d finally let him in, threatening to finally join your bodies, but skipping it every time, his digits digging on your flesh with his impatiency.

“You’re gonna make me beg for it now?” He peppered kisses on your chest and collarbone.

“You tell me… You want it that bad?” You whispered in his ear and nibbled on his earlobe.

That’s until he took control over you again and held your hips in place, lining himself with your entrance, all while he pulled you by your hair with his free hand, pulling you away from his neck, making you look at him, eyes so dark with lust and oozing such a primal desire you felt like prey.

“I do” 

He caressed your cheek with his thumb.

“Now eyes on me” 

He instructed and you immediately obeyed. With one of his hands still on the back of your head and the other on your hip, the tip of his cock met your pussy and Noah pressed you down on him, merging your bodies slowly. His name came out of your lips in such a sinful pitch that made him throb inside you, the vision and the feeling of you, flesh and bone, being endlessly better than he could’ve ever imagined.

Your arms snaked around his neck as he bottomed you out, you felt so full and stretched, your whole body was on fire, ignited with desire, and when you got used to his size you started to move on top of him, slowly increasing your pace as you rode him, stealing grunts of pleasure out of him every time you intentionally clenched around him and fucked him harder, your skin slapping against his as his fingers dug into your thighs.

He was so lost in his own moment he didn’t know if he should look at where your bodies merged, at your boobs bouncing in front of his face or at your sex glazed eyes. His lips captured yours once again as you rocked your hips back and forth, that very specific motion almost making you both snap.

“Fuck you’re gonna make me cum” 

He whined and rolled you both, laying you on the bed as he got on top of you, switching positions so he could last longer, to feel you longer, to fuck you longer. He pushed himself inside of you again and all at once, at the new depth he reached with that position turned you into a moaning mess as he now set his own pace, but making sure that with every thrust he stimulated that very spot he found earlier inside you.

“Noah oh my…” 

You couldn’t finish your sentence as that postponed orgasm emerged again like a tsunami, washing away all of your senses as it bursted from inside out, hard, making your pussy clench desperately around him as he rode your high, taking every bit of his restraint to ride you through it without unloading inside you, cock throbbing in need, and just as he felt your body becoming jelly under his he pulled out of you, cumming on your belly in long hot spurts as he stilled over you, cheeks red and eyes rolled back.

He glued his forehead on yours, breathing still heavy as he came back from his own high, admiring how impossibly beautiful you looked at that very moment.

“There’s no fucking way I’m letting you into that plane tomorrow”

[kaliforniahigh]

my kink is karma - part. 2 - n.s.

This is the second part to "casual". The title is yet another Chappell Roan song :D

Warnings: Some self-deprecating talk, Folio plays a little bit of a matchmaker, they talk about their feelings, curse words and angst with a happy ending (I'm a sucker for happy endings).

WC: 3.367

It's comical, bridges you burn If karma's real, hope it's your turn

The tension in the air after yours and Noah's argument was palpable. You haven't talked to him since your argument, but it didn't take a genius to notice he wasn't behaving like himself lately.

You, on the other hand, was just waiting for this tour to be over. You've been treating this job exactly like what it is. A job. You kept a friendly relationship with everyone, but the outings to bars or restaurants were kept to a minimum.

Bryan sensed something was up when you asked him to show Noah the pictures you took, for him to select the ones he liked the most, instead of showing him yourself.

You kept in contact with Liam, contrary to what Noah insinuated, your interactions were strictly professional, since Liam had a long-term girlfriend that he mentioned to you the first time you talked. Showing you some pictures he took of her in an outdoor setting.

You could've told Noah this, but seeing him angry and out of his wits at the idea of you dating or seeing someone else was more entertaining for you. You guess you just wanted him to feel a little bit of what you felt when he took those girls to his hotel room.

Nick did tell you though that these past few weeks Noah hasn't even tried to flirt or take girls back to his room, and mentioned that he should check "if his friend was ok". You wondered if you were the only one who never realized Noah was a player.

You guess that doesn't matter now. Liam has called you a few days ago, since you've mentioned to him that tour was wrapping up soon, he wanted to ask if you would accept the invitation of touring with him and the band he worked for, and you were considering it.

You're familiar here, and meeting new people and getting used to a new setting was going to be challenging. But you also knew you couldn't keep going like this. You always took pride in having a great relationship with everyone, and now you felt like you were drifting further and further apart from them.

You knew they considered you their friends, but the truth is: they're Noah's friends. And you could and would never come between that.

It's hot when you have a meltdown In the front of your house and you're getting kicked out It's hot when you're drinking downtown And you're getting called out 'cause you're running your mouth

Nick knew he shouldn't pry, especially not when Noah was on the verge of being too drunk. But two of his best friends were fighting and he knew neither one of them were going to come out and say anything. Besides, he knew Noah lacked a filter when he was intoxicated, so this was his best chance.

Tour was wrapping up this week, so this was the last opportunity for the band and crew to go out together. After all is over, everyone ends up going their own way and it gets difficult to organize something.

Nick was waiting for the best opportunity to talk to Noah, and at some point during the night, they found themselves alone at the table.

"So, Y/N didn't wanna come out tonight", Nick started, mentioning your name right out the gate, not wanting to waste too much time. He saw Noah's shoulder tense.

"Yeah, I'm not surprised", his friend answered, taking another sip of his alcoholic beverage.

"Do you know what could've happened? She used to go out with us all the time", Nick played dumb, not wanting to give away that he could tell you two obviously had something going on.

"I don't know man, maybe she's too busy talking to Liam or whatever", so Noah was jealous, that much he could tell. Nick knew about Liam because you've mentioned him in conversation a couple of times.

"Why would she be busy talking to Liam in the middle of the night? Besides, they're on different timezones", Nick fished for more information.

"I guess she liked the attention she was receiving", Noah said and shrugged his shoulders, trying to look unbothered by the situation, but ultimately failing.

"I see", Nick pondered. Finally, he decided to put his friend out of his misery "you know he has a girlfriend, right? I think Y/N mentioned they've been together for 7 or 8 years or something", Nick said and waited for a reaction. Noah's eyes widened visibly in surprise and he looked in Nick's direction.

"No, I didn't know that", he sounded defeated, as he let the realization sink in.

"So whatever you guys have going on, if it's because Y/N has been talking to Liam, you can cut it out, because there's nothing happening there", Nick saw Noah sigh out loud and run his hands over his face. He expected him to be relieved, but he looked exasperated?

"Noah, this is everything that happened, right?", Nick was suddently worried about his reaction.

"I might have been a dick to Y/N", Noah was looking down at his drink, stirring it uselessly.

"What do you mean?", it was Nick's turn to look and sound exasperated. Maybe he bit off more than he could chew.

"Look, Y/N and hooked up a few times, and...", he began explaining, but Nick cut him off "By hooked up you mean you've kissed, or something more?", he has an inkling feeling that this was so much more.

"I mean we've had sex a few times", he paused, but continued when Nick didn't say anything "it wasn't anything serious, but I might have lost my cool when I saw her talking to Liam at that festival", he at least looked guilty saying this.

"If it wasn't anything serious then why did you lose your cool?" Nick asked the million dollar question.

"I don't know. I think I didn't like seeing her with that guy?", Noah was having a hard time explaining himself. Nick always knew his friend wasn't good with expressing his feelings. And that worried him, because there was no telling what he could've said to you.

"And what happened after that for you guys to stop talking?", Nick was getting to the bottom of this, even if he didn't like it. And it seemed like Noah needed someone to talk to anyway. He could tell the conversation sobered up the boy quite a bit.

"I kinda confronted her about it?"

"And how did you do that?", by the looks of it, he was gonna have to pry the information out of him. He felt like a parent mediating a fight between two kids.

"I wasn't the nicest, ok? I already know that and I already feel like absolute shit about it", Nick wasn't gonna ask again, so they sat in silence until Noah conjured up the courage to say what he needed to say.

"I insinuated that Liam was only interested in her in order to get her into bed. And then I proceeded to tell her that I didn't think she would be so easy". Noah said this with venon in his voice, directed at himself. Saying it out loud again only heightend the weight of his words. And this somehow made him feel even worse.

"What the fuck, Noah? Why the fuck would you say that?", Nick said with anger in his voice.

"Have you seem this Liam guy? He's probably gone to a nice college, just like her. He probably doesn't have attachment issues. He probably doesn't need therapy to talk about his feelings. I freaked out, ok? It was clear from the beggining that Y/N and I could never work. So I decided that having a little bit of her was better than having none of her". Noah could feel the tears stinging his eyes. Letting out the thoughts in his head felt a little liberating, but it didn't make him feel better about the way he treated you.

"You don't get to decide if Y/N deserves you or not. That was her decision to make. And you shouldn't have jumped to conclusions with her and Liam", Nick knew that this was obvious, but maybe the obvious still needed to be said.

"I don't think that matters now. I don't see how I could fix this. Tour is ending and I bet she'll never want to see my face again"

"And if that happens, you at least owe her an apology", Nick patted him on the back and asked Noah if he wanted another drink, he said no, so Nick left him with his own thoughts.

Oh, God And it's coming around, yeah, it's coming around Yeah, it's coming around, oh, God Oh, God

This was one of those things you couldn't get away from. Mainly because everyone has been planning this since before the tour even started. Also because it's already been paid for, and you don't like your money going to waste.

Camping was never your favorite activity. You despised insects and couldn't understand why people left their comfy beds to sleep in tents and sleeping bags. But back then, Noah promised to make you as many roasted marshmallows as you wanted, and you pretended to say yes just because of that. As if you wouldn't jump at the opportunity to spend more time with him. Now you were cursing yourself.

You were unaware of the conversation Nick had with Noah before tour ended, and how much he knew about what transpired between you two. So you thought nothing of the conversation you were having with him, as the boys grilled some burgers for dinner.

"I kind of have something to tell you", you were nervous to make this official. "Since tour ended and everything, I don't see why hide this anymore"

Nick thought you were finally opening up to him about your adventures and fall out with Noah. He would soon find out he was very mistaken as he told you to go on.

"You know how I've been talking to Liam right?", he nodded "recently he asked me if I wanted to tour with him. To have a different experience and all that", you kicked a pebble next to your feet. Nick was looking directly at you, but you didn't have the heart to look back at him. "I've been thinking about saying yes".

"You're leaving us?", this prompted you to lift your head.

"C'mon Nick, this tour was just an experiment. I don't know for sure if you guys will want me back. I need to have something lined up for me". And that was true. You were only thinking about your next steps.

"I thought it was clear we wanted you next tour as well?", Nick genuinely sounded confused and it broke your heart. You didn't know what to say anymore. "Is this about you and Noah?", he asked and you froze the second the words left his lips.

"What do you mean?", you tried to gauge how much he knew.

"I think you know what I mean. I could tell there was something different between you two. I had to find out what it was. So I kind of cornered Noah one night and he told me", you huffed in annoyance.

"What else did he tell you? That I'm easy and fall into bed with everyone that comes asking?"

"No, but he did tell me that he basically told you that", Nick said and you were honestly surprised at this. It was very difficult for Noah to admit to his mistakes. "I'm not defending him, because I already told him what he needed to hear from me. But I think you guys should talk before we leave"

"We'll see about that", you gave him a little sideways smile, trying to be noncommittal about this.

"It doesn't matter if you're with us or working for a different band. I know you'll kill it anyways. But keep in mind that we like having you close"

"Thank you, Nick", you showed him your gratitude.

"I'll see if those goofs need any help", you looked back at the boys and saw Matt threatening Jolly with the tongs, opening and closing them, as if he was trying to get his head. You laughed at this as Nick excused himself.

Dinner went by and soon you were all sitting by the fire, attempting to tell scary stories, but everyone was laughing and calling out loop hopes in each other's tales, turning the situation from scary to funny.

You were roasting some marshmallows here and there. You were never good at this, so it either came out burnt or the thing melted entirely and fell into the fire. You gave up at some point and just sat there, with the stick in your hand, poking the floor aimelessly.

Seconds later, Nick poked you on the side, handing you a stick with two marshmallows roasted perfectly on the top. You gave him a puzzled look, but he just tilted his head to Noah, who was sat beside him. He gave you a barely there smile, and nodded in acknowledgment. The marshmallows kept coming thoughout the night without you having to ask for them. He did promise you to roast you as many as you wanted after all.

Not too long after, everyone was excusing themselves to their tents. The long drive here had everyone yawning. You were not much better, so you decided to do the same.

A soon as your head hit the pillow, thoughts swam through your mind. The conversation with Nick was supposed to be simple. You were pretty much dead set on saying yes to Liam. Now you weren't so sure anymore.

You knew you needed to talk to Noah at some point. You figured that him giving you marshmallows was his way of extending you an olive branch. He was there if you ever wanted to talk. You did miss him and what you had before everything went to shit.

Huffing and deciding that as much as you wanted, sleep wouldn't find you so easily tonight, so you opened your tent to step outside. Maybe meditating or some breathing exercises would relax you enough.

Standing on your feet and stretching your limbs, you noticed Noah still sat at the wooden bench everyone was at earlier. You debated slipping inside your tent again, but he was already looking at you. There was no turning back now.

You also debated sitting somewhere else, but didn't want to make things even more akward, so you sat on the other end of the bench. A few minutes passed by before he spoke up.

"Can't sleep?", he asked.

"No, too much on my mind", you didn't know if you were ready for this, but you had to be.

"I talked to Nick the other day", he glanced at you, but you kept a neutral expression.

"Yeah, he told me about that", your hands were picking on loose strands of your sweater.

"Listen, I'm not gonna make any excuses. I owe you an apology. You don't have to accept it, but I have to tell you how sorry I am for what I said to you", he sat sideways now, looking directly at you. "So I'm sorry. You didn't deserve that. I should've delt with my anger instead of taking it out on you"

"I just don't understand why you were so angry? Why Liam and I talking led you to said that", you did have an idea, but you wanted him to tell you. Noah has been going over this conversation in his head for days. He decided that it doesn't matter the outcome, he was going to be honest with you.

"I shouldn't have invited you to my hotel room that first night. I knew this was going to end like this. I thought I could get a grip on my feelings, but I was very mistaken. I was selfish and I hurt you in the process", you tried to pretend that that first part didn't hurt you, so you decided to focus on the end of his speech. You appreciated the honesty regardless of how it made you feel.

"What feelings?"

"The feelings that I have for you. I think I've had them since Bryan introduced you to us for the first time. Thinking back on it now, how could I not have feelings for you? Not only are you a great protographer, but you're also an amazing and kind girl. And I'm just the good looking guy who sings in a band", he said, with a shrug of his shoulders. You didn't like the way he talked about himself.

"I don't think you're just a good looking guy who sings in a band, you're so much more than that and it's such a shame you don't realize it", you tried to get your point across. "I know that you didn't mean what you said back in that tour bus. Mainly because I know you, and you're not a mean person. But you really need to communicate better with the people around you"

"I know. Maybe then I would've known that Liam has a girlfriend, right?", he smiled at this.

"Exactly", you smiled back. "It hurt me a lot when you kept giving attention to other girls after we slept together. I guess I just felt like another notch on your belt", you made yourself a little smaller after admitting to this, but decided to be honest with him the same way he was being with you.

"I never slept with them. Sometimes we didn't even take the elevator up to my floor because I just told them it wasn't gonna work. It just didn't feel right and my head wasn't in the right place", this did make you feel incredibly better.

"Well then, I guess I could've communicated better myself. Maybe then I would've known this, instead of wallowing in pity", this time was your turn to smile and poke a little fun at the situation.

"I gave you the wrong idea, I'm sorry about that", there was a moment of pause before he contined "I understand if nothing can happen between us now, after all of this. But it would be great if you came back for another tour, you really do an amazing job, and I don't want my behavior to jeopardize that", you sighed at this, now was the time to tell him.

"I've had an offer from another band to go on tour with them", you looked at him, trying to gauge his reaction. His face fell and the somewhat relaxed look he kept on his face throughout your conversation, morphed into one of resignation.

"Oh, that's great. You're gonna be amazing regardless", he tried to be supportive of your decision, but his voice gave him away.

"I'm not going", his eyebrows shot up at this. "Just being here tonight, with everyone, made me realize that I'm not ready to leave this behind. Besides, I think I'll miss you too much", he gave you the biggest smile at this and you could see a little rosy tint to his cheeks.

"I would miss you terribly", he said back. You were now sat closer together, drifting towards each other during your conversation. "Tell me if this is overstepping or if I'm too soon, but I would love to take you out on a date when we get back home. I think we started this a little backwards", you could sense the hesitantion in his voice.

"I would love to go on a date with you", you offered your hand for him to take, interlacing your fingers together, reveling in the way his totally encompassed yours.

"Thank you for giving us another chance", his voice conveyed honesty, glad you didn't decide to just kick him to the curb entirely.

"You really don't give yourself enough credit. I think I would do anything you asked me if you were nice enough", and it was true. After your argument you knew you would forgive him if he had a good enough excuse. Deep down, you were hoping that woudn't be the end for you two.

You rested your head on his shoulder, you sensed a little bit of hesitation from him, until you took one of his arms and put it over your shoulders, feeling his hand mess with the ends of your hair. You felt content and finally at ease.

Thank you everyone who requested a part 2! Hope you enjoyed this :D

[tikosblogg]

The Scars We Bare….❤️

Summary: After a traumatic accident leaving your body scarred for life, Noah makes it his mission to remind you of your worth.

Warning: piv sex, unprotected sex(don’t do that), slight choking. Body worship?, mentions of blood, fighting. Let me know if I forgot anything.

A/N: This is a little heavier than I usually write about, but I thought it was so sweet. I’m sorry if it’s trash, I wrote this while watching Summer slam🤪

The energy inside our house was insane, the house pulsing with the music and the laughter of friends. the ambiance was alive—a perfect backdrop to celebrate the end of their successful tour. I had always been the glue that held this ragtag bunch together. Growing up alongside Noah, and the guys meant our lives were intertwined in a way that made this party feel like a reunion of sorts, no matter how long we’ve lived together or how often we saw each other while they are on the road.

As I mingled among partygoers, I felt an undeniable sense of pride for these guys who had worked so hard, now basking in the glow of their accomplishments. But tonight wasn’t just about them; it was about me too. I had hopes of taking my relationship with Brent to the next level.

Brent is the first relationship I’ve had since my accident 4 years ago. We have been seeing one another for about a month, and in my gut, I felt tonight could be the night we solidified what we both wanted. Nobody has seen my body since that traumatic day, except for Noah. My family lives out of state, so as soon as I was released from the hospital Noah moved me in here.

He was my rock during the whole ordeal and helped me heal. Our friendship is a special one, that I hold dearly in my heart. He bathed me, cooked for me, cleaned the cuts and incisions on my body everyday. He was the shoulder I cried on, about my insecurities of my forever changed body. Always reminding me that I was beautiful. He has helped more than I think he realizes.

Excusing myself from a lively conversation with Noah and Jolly, I slipped outside to check on Brent. The cool air hit my skin, refreshing yet a little uneasy. I dialed his number, only to be met with an annoyance I couldn’t quite place. "I've been here for the past 45 minutes," he huffed, the edge in his voice making me flinch.

My stomach twisted as he gave me his location. I ended the call, worry gnawing at the edges of my mind. What had gone wrong? He’s never sounded so annoyed with me. I shook it off and decided to find him, determined not to let it ruin our night.

When I finally spotted him, leaning against the wall of the house with his arms crossed and an unimpressed look on his face, my heart sank. Why did he look so displeased? I swept in for a hug, wrapping my arms around his body, hoping to draw out a little warmth. He hesitated for just a moment before returning the embrace, but the spark I had anticipated was absent.

"Hey! Glad you made it," I chirped, forcing a smile even as a twinge of frustration bubbled within me. He didn't reply, only allowed me to grab his hand and lead him inside.

As we entered, I could feel the vibrant energy shift slightly. The laughter and chatter continued, but the warmth of the party felt overshadowed by the tension emanating from Brent. I introduced him to the guys Noah, Jolly, Folio, and Nick—all of whom were mingling and laughing, filling the air with their unique energy. However, I noticed something peculiar: the way the guys eyed Brent, especially Noah. There was a hint of concern in his gaze, the kind that screamed, I’m onto you.

Ignoring the unspoken judgment from my friends, I pulled Brent closer, trying to ignite that spark between us. We stood there, surrounded by music and laughter, yet he seemed distant, his smile faltering as the guys began to chatter amongst themselves.

“Everything alright?” I whispered, leaning closer to him. I wanted an opening, a doorway into whatever was bothering him. But he merely shrugged, his gaze wandering, refusing to engage. I softly grasped Brent’s hand, politely excusing us from the group. I led him through the crowd of party goers, and up the stairs to my room.

As I closed the door behind us, the thumping bass of the party dwindled into a distant murmur, the laughter of friends fading away as I turned to Brent. The vibrant energy of the gathering felt worlds away, and the four walls of my bedroom suddenly wrapped around us like a protective barrier.

“Brent,” I started, my voice wavering slightly. “I’m really sorry if I overwhelmed you back there. I just wanted you to meet my friends. They’re like family to me.” I stepped closer, finding comfort in the small space between us. “I like how you’re different from everyone else,” I reassured him, reaching to cup his face. “I want you with me, Brent. I really like you, and I was hoping tonight could be something more.”

At last, he looked up, a smirk playing on his lips as he wasted no more time, and leaned in and captured my mouth with his. The kiss ignited something deep inside me; I melted into him, the world beyond my bedroom eclipsed in a frenzy of sensation. But then, as he pushed me down onto the bed, his body pressing into mine, I felt a rush of vulnerability sweep over me.

His lips were a warm trail, moving from my mouth and down the length of my neck. Nervousness coiled in my stomach, mingling with the thrill of it all. What if he hates the scars? But I shushed that voice; if Brent liked me, he would accept all of me, flaws and histories included.

When he finally pulled away, his eyes dark with desire, he removed his shirt, revealing his toned body. I felt my pulse quicken. The intimacy of the moment escalated as he reached for mine. But then, as the fabric glided off my skin, a sudden silence enveloped us. Brent froze, his expression shifting from desire to something unreadable as his eyes traced the long scar running down my chest, then mapping the smaller scars scattered along my ribs and stomach.

“Are you okay?” I paused, my heart pounding painfully against my rib cage as I reached up, uncertain and vulnerable.

The moment hung heavy in the air; he shook his head vehemently, climbing off me so quickly that the sudden loss of his warmth sent a chill racing down my spine. I sat up, confusion flooding my senses. “What’s wrong? Did I do something?”

Brent stood there, the remnants of our intimacy dissolving between us. He tugged his shirt back on, the fabric crumpling around his torso, and ran a hand through his hair, the gesture laced with frustration. “Why do you have scars all over you?” His voice was low, a mix of concern and discomfort.

As the words spilled from my lips, the weight of the memory resurfaced. “I was in a bad car crash four years ago. I had to have open heart surgery,” I explained, trying to keep my tone steady. I watched the color drain from his face, his brows knitting together in discomfort.

A long sigh escaped him, heavy and laden with an emotion I couldn’t quite decipher. “I’m sorry,” he muttered, his voice barely above a whisper. “But that’s...bad. I didn’t expect…” He trailed off, shaking his head again as if trying to clear it.

“It makes me feel… kind of squeamish to touch them” he admitted, his eyes glancing away, avoiding the testament of my past etched upon my skin.

My heart plummeted, the weight of rejection crashing down upon me like a tidal wave. I had let the hope and excitement build, only for it to crumble in an instant under the realization that my trauma had repelled him.

“I think we should just end it here. sorry,” he added, almost mechanically, before turning to leave the room. The sound of the party resumed its vibrancy, a stark reminder of the dissonance between our worlds.

I watched him walk out, feeling an emptiness settle into my chest. The door slammed behind him, and I sank back into the bed, wrapping my arms around myself as if trying to shield those scars from the world. Noah, My friends, my family—they had embraced me, scars and all. Why couldn’t Brent?

I lay there, staring at the ceiling, feeling the weight of his words pressing down on me. My thoughts spiraled, wondering if my scars were always going to be a barrier, a reminder of a past I couldn’t erase. The party continued downstairs, but all I felt was the silence of my room enveloping me, a somber echo of what had just transpired.

I finally stood from my bed, my body shaking with each sob leaving my mouth. I walked straight into my bathroom, insistent on washing his touch, and this night from my tattered body.

Noah stood with Jolly and Nick, their voices a distant murmur, but his attention had drifted. His eyes were locked on the staircase that you’d just walked up with Brent. There was something about Brent—a way he carried himself, a cocky swagger that made his skin crawl. He didn’t like the guy, not one bit.

Fifteen minutes later, Noah’s unease was proven justified. Brent stomped down the stairs, his expression unfazed and arrogant. He brushed past Noah and the others, heading straight for the kitchen. Noah tilted his head, a knot tightening in his stomach. Where were you? He silently decided to confront Brent.

As he stepped into the kitchen, Noah maneuvered himself silently, standing a few steps behind Brent’s shorter stature. He was leaning against the counter, deep in conversation with some random dude whose name Noah didn’t care to know. Eavesdropping came naturally to him; he would justify anything if it meant looking out for you.

His heart raced when Brent’s laughter cut through the air. “Yeah, I was about to get laid,” he sneered, “until I saw her mangled scars. who the fuck would want to touch that?”

The breath in Noah’s lungs turned hot and escaped his body, choking him as Brent's words sank in. His fists clenched tightly, and he felt the world around him shatter. He could almost hear your voice, the way you’d always brushed off your past with a smile, how brave you were in the face of your demons. But Brent—he had the audacity to belittle you. That was it. Brent had fucked up.

Suddenly, the current conversation shifted; the guy noticed Noah standing there, confusion flickering across his face. It alerted Brent, and he turned around, the mocking grin fading as he saw the fury etched on Noah’s features.

“What’s your problem, man?” Brent started, but Noah didn’t give him a chance to finish. With swift motion, Noah reared back and swung, his fist connecting hard with Brent’s face. The impact sent Brent flying backward, crashing against the counter, glass bottles tumbling to the ground in a cacophony of shattering chaos.

Loud gasps erupted from the partygoers outside the kitchen, a wave of shock sweeping through the crowd. Brent scrambled to his feet, wiping blood from his lip, rage igniting his eyes. But it was too late to back down. Noah launched himself at Brent, tackling him to the ground, a flurry of punches raining down on him, fueled by the anger and pain he felt for you.

“Get off me, you psycho!” Brent shouted, trying to push Noah away. The struggle was chaotic, a whirlwind of flailing limbs and outrage. Just as Noah readied another blow, Jolly charged in, pulling Noah back with surprising strength.

“Noah, stop!” Jolly shouted, his grip firm as he held Noah at bay. “What happened!”

Noah was seething, panting heavily as he glared down at Brent, who was trying to push himself back up, shaking with anger and disbelief. “Get the fuck out of my house,” Noah growled, his voice low and menacing.

Brent’s eyes widened, the cockiness draining from his face. He looked around, seeing the eyes of the few witnesses, the trepidation in Jolly’s grip, and the fire behind Noah’s glare.

With a rage still shimmering in his veins, Brent muttered something under his breath, stumbling out of the kitchen and pushing past a few confused guests. As the tension dissipated, the music seemed to swell once again, an unsettling backdrop to the upheaval that had just occurred.

Noah, freed from Jolly’s hold, took a moment to catch his breath, the adrenaline of the fight slowly beginning to wane, replaced by a deep concern for you. He didn’t care what anyone else thought of the scene he just created; all he could think of was you and how he could protect you from people like Brent. The real battle would be making sure you knew how much you were worth, scars and all.

The steam curled and twisted upwards like tendrils of a ghost, enveloping me in a cocoon of warmth and moisture, yet I felt anything but comforted. My sobs echoed against the bathroom tiles, reverberating with the music of the party that throbbed beneath me. Laughter and music pulsed through the floorboards, but they were alien sounds in this moment, distant and muffled, a reminder of a world I felt unfit to join.

With trembling hands, I wiped my tears away, attempting to compose myself. “Y/n?” A soft voice echoed through the bathroom, as my breath hitched. “I’m fine,” I called out weakly, trying to sound more convincing than I felt, but the tremor in my voice betrayed me. Just as I braced for another wave of tears, the shower door opened and Noah stepped in.

his clothes still on, clinging to him like a second skin. His arms wrapped around me, and I melted against him, the warmth radiating from his body bringing some semblance of solace. I could feel the steady beat of his heart through the fabric of his shirt. The gentle thump soothed me as I softly cried into his chest, his hand combing through my damp hair, as if he could weave away my pain with each passing stroke.

It took a moment to gather my composure, but when I finally pulled back to look at him, I noticed the water swirling around our feet, tinted a soft pink. Panic flared within me as I glanced down at his hands, noticing the cuts marring his knuckles. “Noah, what happened?” My heart raced at the thought of him getting hurt.

His response was almost too casual, a hint of bravado underneath the weight of his words. “I beat Brent’s fucking ass.” The smile that flickered onto my face was unexpected, born from a blend of relief and admiration. I laid my forehead against him, the warmth of his body a protective barrier against the world below.

Noah was gentle, taking the shampoo from the rack and lathering it into my hair, his fingertips pressing against my scalp in a way that felt simultaneously tender and powerful. I closed my eyes, surrendering to the comfort of his presence, letting him wash away not just the remnants of the night, but the anguish that had been clawing at my heart.

He grabbed my loofah, and bodywash, bathing me next. Sending me back 4 years ago, when he did this for me everyday. Once the water turned off, he wrapped a towel around me, the fabric covering me in warmth as he stripped off his wet clothes, every inch of my cheeks heating more at the sight. He returned, focused, practical, and somehow that made my heart swell. Lifting me effortlessly onto the counter, he took the cotton pad and my makeup remover, carefully cleaning away the smudged remnants of the night while stealing glances at me, gauging my reactions.

The simplicity of his gestures, the kindness radiating from each one, made my insides flutter. He was mending not just the mess on my face but the turmoil inside me too. When he disappeared momentarily and returned with one of his old t-shirts and a pair of my underwear, I felt a warmth. He pressed the towel into my skin, drying me off with an intense focus that made me feel seen, cherished.

He pulled the tshirt over my head, before slipping my underwear up my legs. I carefully lifted my hips from the counter, so he could pull them up over my hips. The deep scary feelings I’ve tried to bury for the past few years, slowly making their appearance.

Once I was dressed, he took my hairbrush and began to detangle my hair with the ease, each stroke a reminder of how he understood me, how he always knew how to take care of me when the world felt too heavy. I watched him in the mirror—his brow furrowed with concentration, his lips pressed together in determination.

“Thank you,” I whispered, my voice softer than the droplets of water still clinging to the tiles. He met my gaze, kindness dancing in his eyes.

“No need,” he replied with a lopsided grin. “I’ll always be here for you.” The thudding of my heart, beat wildly against my chest. Our eyes stuck in a heated stare down, waiting to see which of caved first. His hand slowly lifted to cup my cheek. His thumb softly rubbed against my cheek, as he leaned in the tiniest bit closer.

“Noah..” I breathed, my voice just above a whisper. The uncertainty that once filled his brown eyes, were now gone. Filled with a darkness, that I was more than ready to fall into. His lips finally connected to mine in a simple kiss. Almost as if testing the waters.

He pulled away for only a moment, before his other hand slob into my hair, pulling me in for another kiss. He didn’t hold back, as he squeezed himself between my thighs, attacking my lips with so much force. His tongue entered my mouth, as he groaned at the taste of me.

I whimpered against his lips, wanting, needing more of him. He pulled away again, resting his forehead against mine as we both panted. “I love you so fucking much y/n, and I’m tired of fighting it.” He shook his head, before pecking my lips again.

I smiled, wrapping my arms around his naked waist pulling him flush against me. “I love you too Noah.” I smiled softly up at him. He grabbed my thighs, wrapping them around him, before lifting me off the counter, and walking us over the threshold back into my room.

He softly dropped me onto the bed, as grabbed him hand pulling him on top of me. I grabbed the towel still wrapped around him, and pulled it loose. He smirked down at me, before reaching up and pushing my hair off my face. “Are you sure about this?”

My eyes flew back up to his before I nodded my head. “I’m positive Noah….please.” Without another word, he leaned down catching my lips into another kiss. As he kissed me, his hand trailed up my thigh, pushing it back and spreading me open.

His tongue slid in my mouth, as his fingers carefully moved my panties over before sinking two of them into me. I moaned against his mouth, as he pulled away smiling. “You sound so pretty baby.” His voice was low, and rough. I whimpered, as I softly bucked my hips into it.

After a few more thrusts he pulled his fingers out, sticking them in his mouth pulling them out with a groan. “And you taste even better.” He lifted himself off of me, grabbing the hem of my shirt.

He slowly pulled it off as I laid underneath him, a rush of warmth and trepidation surging through me. The lamp light in my room, casted a golden hue on everything in the room. It felt as if the world outside had ceased to exist—a serene bubble where only the two of us resided.

Even though Noah had seen my scars a million times before, an insidious wave of insecurity washed over me. As his gaze drifted over the pink lines that traced my skin, I couldn’t help but hold my breath.

A shaky exhale escaped my lips, a reflection of my nerves. Noah, always attuned to my feelings, noticed immediately. His eyes softened, filled with a understanding that spoke volumes. He leaned down, and before I could fully process what was happening, I felt the warmth of his tongue glide along the long scar that ran down my chest between my breasts. An unexpected jolt of pleasure coursed through me, mingled with vulnerability.

He continued his descent, his lips softly placing tender kisses upon each of my scars. With every touch, he seemed to dissolve the doubts that gnawed at the edges of my mind. I could feel each light brush of his lips, each gentle kiss, healing parts of me I thought were beyond repair.

“You are so beautiful,” he whispered against my skin, his voice barely above a breath. The words lingered in the air, wrapping around my heart like a soothing balm. It surprised me how true they felt, even after what happened tonight. He looked up, deep into my eyes, his sincerity gleaming like a beacon in the dim lighting.

My pulse raced, and from deep within me, the knots of self-doubt began to unravel. Noah had a way of making me feel seen, as if he could peer into my soul and appreciate every scar etched into it. Each imperfection, every faint line was an emblem of survival, milestones of resilience—but in that moment, they felt less like burdens and more like beautiful parts of my story.

He returned to my lips, kissing me softly, allowing the heat and intimacy of our connection to wash over us. I melted into him, giving in to the moment, and for the first time, I felt as if I could shed my insecurities, if only for a while.

He grabbed the sides of my underwear, pulling them off. He laid back onto me before kissing me hotly, and taking no time to slowly push into me. I gasped, digging my nails into his back at the burning stretch. He grabbed my jaw softly bringing my eyes to his. “Are you okay baby?”

I nodded, lifting my head to kiss his lips. I softly bit on his bottom lip, pulling on it softly. He grunted, as his hips roughly snapped against mine. “Please Noah…” I whined, pulling him into me. He lifted up, caging my head in between his arms. He stared down at me, as he pounded into me mercilessly.

“Fuck baby you feel so good” he groaned, above me. The pleasure on his face made me feral. I dug my heel into the mattress, using all my force to flip our bodies over. His eyes widened in shock, as huge grin formed on his lips. “Fuck baby, you gonna ride me?” He almost whimpered.

My pussy throbbed at his words. Having my big tatted mainly best friend whimpering underneath was not something I ever imagined, but am so fucking lucky to experience. I leaned down, trailing kisses down his throat while he groaned. I leaned back up, grabbing his dick, and hovering back over it.

We both let out low groans, as I sank back down. “Fuck Noah you’re so big.” I whined, slowly rocking my hips back forth. “Yeah?” He breathed, gripping my hips tightly. I nodded my head, placing my hands against his chest.

He groaned at my sluggish pace, as I smirked down at him, enjoying my teasing game. After a few minutes, he was done with my teasing. His hand shot up, wrapping around my throat. He pulled me down until our noses were touching, as a cocky smile made its way to his face.

“You really thought I was gonna let you take control?” He growled, brushing his lips against mine. “I-..” my sentence was cut short, as his hips fucked up into me hard and fast. My nails dug into his chest, gripping on for dear life.

His fingers tightened around my throat as he finally connected our lips into a sloppy kiss. Lips, tongues, and teeth clashing. He pushed me back, making me sit up straight on top of him. He reached up, shoving two fingers in my mouth, as I moaned around them, sucking on them hard.

He slowly slid them out, running them down my throat, down my chest and stopping to squeeze my tit. “C’mon baby. You gonna cum for me?” He panted, continuing his decent until his fingers reached my swollen clit.

I threw my head back with a moan, in love with how he was making me feel. I leaned back, placing my hands right above his knees behind me, as I continued riding him. “Fuuuuck…” I groaned as his fingers sped up.

I felt my orgasm rising with each thrust of his hips, and stroke of his fingers. “I’m gonna cum.” I whined, looking down at him. The sight was beautiful. His brows were furrowed, and his lips were parted, as he released ragged breaths.

“C’mon baby give it to me. Cum on my dick.” He groaned finally looking up at me. As soon as we made eye contact, my orgasm shook my body. “Good fucking girl.” He grunted, as he fucked me through it. I huffed, falling onto his chest as thrusted a few more times finally releasing into me with a groan.

We laid there for what felt like hours, catching our breaths just holding each other. He placed a kiss on top of my head, before gently pushing me off onto the bed beside him. He reached down grabbing the towel he wore earlier, and cleaned us off.

Once we were clean he grabbed my comforter, pulling it over us. He pulled me into his arms, as I snuggled deep into his chest. “I love you so much y/n. You’re the most beautiful person I have ever laid my eyes on. I will spend every minute proving that to you from now on. Please don’t let some dick head make you think differently.”

I felt my eyes well up with tears again, as I placed a gentle kiss to the middle of his chest. “I love you.”

[hamletthedane]

Hamlet’s Age

Not to bring up an age-old debate that doesn’t even matter, but I have been thinking recently how interesting Hamlet’s age is both in-text and as meta-text.

To summarize a whole lot of discussion, we basically only have the following clues as to Hamlet’s age:

Hamlet and Horatio are both college students at Wittenberg. In Early Modern/Late Renaissance Europe, noble boys typically began their university education at 14 and usually completed at their Bachelor’s degree by 18 or 19. However, they may have been studying for their Master’s degrees, which was typically awarded by age 25 at the latest. For reference, contemporary Kit Marlowe was a pretty late bloomer who received a bachelor’s degree at 20 and a master’s degree at 23.

Hamlet is AGGRESSIVELY described as a “youth” by many different characters - I believe more than any other male shakespeare character (other than 16yo Romeo). While usage could vary, Shakespeare tended to use “youth” to mean a man in his late teens/very early 20s (actually, he mostly uses it to describe beardless ‘men’ who are actually crossdressing women - likely literally played by young men in their late teens)

King Hamlet is old enough to be grey-haired, but Queen Gertrude is young enough to have additional children (or so Hamlet strongly implies)

Hamlet talks about plucking out the hairs of his beard, so he is old enough to at least theoretically have a beard

In the folio version, the gravedigger says he became a gravedigger the day of Hamlet’s birth, and that he’s be “sixteene here, man and boy, thirty years.” However, it’s unclear if “sixteene” means “sixteen” or “sexton” (ie has he worked here for 16 years but is 30 years old, or has he been sexton there for thirty years?)

Hamlet knew Yorick as a young child, and the gravedigger says Yorick was buried 23 years ago. However, the first quarto version version of Hamlet says “dozen years” instead of “three and twenty.” This suggests the line changed over time. (Or that the bad quarto sucks - I really need to make that post about it, huh…)

Yorick is a skull, and according to the gravedigger’s expertise, he has thus been dead for at least 7-8 years - implying Hamlet is at least ~15yo if he remembers Yorick from his childhood

One important thing sometimes overlooked - Claudius takes the throne at King Hamlet’s death, not Prince Hamlet. That is mostly a commentary on English and French monarchist politics at the time, but it is strange within the internal text. A thirty year old Hamlet presumably would have become the new monarch, not the married-in uncle (unless Gertrude is the vehicle through which the crown passes a la Mary I/Phillip II - certainly food for thought)

Honestly, Hamlet is SO aggressively described as being very young that I’m fairly confident the in-text intention is to have him be around 18-23yo. Placing his age at 30yo simply does not make much sense in the context of his descriptors, his narrative role, and his status as a university student.

However, it doesn’t really matter what the “right” answer is, because the confusion itself is what makes the gravedigger scene so interesting and metatextual. We can basically assume one of the following, given the folio text:

Hamlet really is meant to be 30yo, and that was supposed to surprise or imply something to the contemporary audience that is now lost to us

Older actors were playing Hamlet by the time the folio was written down, and the gravedigger’s description was an in-text justification of the seeming disconnect between age of actor and description of “youth”

Older actors were playing Hamlet by the time the folio was set down, and the gravedigger’s description was an in-text JOKE making fun of the fact that a 30-something year old is playing a high-school aged boy. This makes sense, as the gravedigger is a clown and Hamlet is a play that constantly pokes fun at its own tropes and breaks the fourth wall for its audience

The gravedigger cannot count or remember how old he is, and that’s the joke (this is the most common modern interpretation whenever the line isn’t otherwise played straight). If the clown was, for example, particularly old, those lines would be very funny

Any way you look at it, I believe something is echoing there. It seems like this is one of the many moments in Hamlet where you catch a glimpse of some contemporary in-joke about theater and theater culture* that we can only try to parse out from limited context 430 years later. And honestly, that’s so interesting and cool.

*(My other favorite example of this is when Hamlet asks Polonius about what it was like to play Julius Caesar in an exchange that pokes fun of Polonius’ actor a little. This is clearly an inside-joke directed at Globe regulars - the actor who played Polonius must have also played Julius Caesar in Shakespeare’s play, and been very well reviewed. Hamlet’s joke about Brutus also implies the actor who played Brutus is one of the main cast in Hamlet - possibly even the prince himself, depending on how the line is read).

[4rtificialfolio]

Baby Doll - Dom folio x F!reader (short)

Genre: smut, fluff at the end

Warnings: 18+ Dominant Nick, Sub reader, use of spread bar and handcuffs, Wand, Edging, blindfold, face & vaginal slapping, orgasm denial, orgasm countdown

I couldn’t get dominant Folio out of my head so enjoy :)

nsfw under the cut, not proof read

master list

“No no, stay still baby doll. Only good girls get to cum, you can be a good girl can’t you?”

“But Nick-“ you whine in frustration as he holds the wand to your swollen bud. He’s been teasing you relentlessly all day; wearing your favourite tee of his that hugs his biceps just a little too tight, walking around the house shirtless glistening with sweat after drum practice, purposefully “forgetting” his towel resulting in him walking into your bedroom naked with a smug look on his face, rubbing and squeezing your thigh as you watch tv. All day he’s been pushing and pushing you to the edge so, you thought, why not have a little fun yourself? In hindsight that was a mistake, a happy mistake but a mistake nonetheless. It wasn’t you “accidentally” dropping ice cream on your t-shirt and stripping it off in front of him that made him break, or you putting on a very thin, white crop top with no bra afterward. No, it was the eye roll you gave when he called you a smart arse for correcting his sentence. That stupid eye roll is how you got yourself in this situation; your hands handcuffed to the spread bar that’s keeping your legs open, pussy dripping on full display for him, blindfolded and begging him to let you cum. He’s not always dominant, Nick can be so sweet and caring during sex. He loves to worship you, praise you, and give you all the pleasure even if it means sacrificing his release, but now and then, if you push him far enough, he’ll break.

“c’mon pretty baby use your words, tell me what you want” A sharp sting travels through you as he spanks your dripping cunt with his tatted hand.

“Please let me cum, I’ll be good i promise” you wriggle your hips in a desperate attempt to gain any sort of friction and relief.

“oh but you haven’t been a good girl, have you doll? think you can show me how good you can be” frantically, you nod your head, desperate to show him you can behave. He removes your blindfold and tosses it aside so he can look you in the eyes as he reapplies the wand to your clit.

“I’m gonna count to 10 then you can cum, but don’t you dare cum before or you won’t get to cum for a week. Think you can do that for me doll?” God this is torture and he’s loving every minute of it, seeing his pretty baby so fucked out and desperate for him.

“1..2..3”

The countdown feels like its going on forever, every slight movement you make sends you closer and closer to the edge. You’re in such a daze that you’re struggling to focus, barely able to hear him counting. All you can think about is the pleasure pulsing through you. Just the feeling of your nipples brushing ever so slightly against your arms, sending a tingling feeling through your chest, makes you fling your head back into the pillow; but Nick isn’t happy with that, he wants to see you pleading with your eyes as you struggle to hold on.

Giving your cheek a quick slap, he grabs your jaw to make you look at him.

“Nuh uh, eyes on me baby, that’s it”

To make matters worse, he pushes two fingers inside you, dragging them in and out at a relentless pace making you whine louder and louder.

“7..8..9 oh you’re doing so well, nearly there beautiful”

You’re right at the edge, arching your back trying so hard to hold off until he reaches 10, but he won’t say it yet. He wants to see his baby shake just a little longer.

“hmm Nick-“

“You’ve done so well baby, you ready to cum for me?” You swear you’ve never nodded so fast in your life.

“10. that’s it, good girl cum on my fingers”

Pleasure pulses through your body as you finally reach your climax, You scream Nick’s name as your vision goes cloudy and your legs begin to shake. Nick removes his fingers, watching you clench around nothing as he unbinds your wrists and ankles.

“you did so good baby, so good” He pulls a blanket over you and holds you as your body starts to calm down, giving you kisses all over your face as he gently strokes your hair. This is your favourite side of nick, of course dominant nick is beyond hot, sexy, fun and thrilling but, this Nick? Sweet Nick who would do anything for his baby girl, who loves just to hold you in his arms, drawing circles on your back as you’re nuzzled into his chest, watching as you swiftly drift off to sleep. That’s your favourite Nick, but any Nick will do for you.

[artificialbreezy]

What are your thoughts on face sitting? 👀

oh baby i have THOUGHTS and im not sure who you care to hear about so you get them AAALLLL (Matt included 👀)

NSFW under the cut ◡̈

Noah is a munch right? we know this. but i definitely feel like he reserves face sitting for when he’s feeling desperate. for when he’s been away for months and all he can think about is your pussy and drowning in it, and what better way than to be under you? hands roaming up to grip your boobs, scratching down your stomach just to reach your hips and pinch at them a little to trigger you to really ride his tongue. he just wants to make you feel good. he just wants you to be a babbling mess. he doesn’t care if that ends with him creaming his pants either.

Nicholas i feel like will do it if you want too. it’s not his go to way of eating you out. Nicholas really likes having his way with you and that’s just not the ideal way to do it. but if that’s what you REALLY want to do, he’s not ever gonna say no. He’s still gonna have his way. He’ll get you real close to the edge a couple times, just too stop all actions and look up at you. “what bunny? i’m just doing what you asked.” all smug and when you just whine, he’d nip at your clit just to get your attention. then MAYBE he’d let you cum.

Jolly is a hit or miss guy when it comes to eating you out in general I feel like. so if he gets in a mood where he just has to taste you. he’ll pull you into any nearest room, lift your skirt up (or pull your pants down) and immediately attack your cunt like it’s the last thing he’ll ever taste. he doesn’t care how you’re set up, where you are. he’ll just do it. Now, he’d 100% anytime he could get your head hanging off the bed just so he can shove his cock down your throat. but that’s a thought for another time.

Folio will straight up do whatever you want. he aims to please you. no matter what you want. and if it ends up with you soaking his face? he is SOLD. but bare in mind, just because he’ll do what you want doesn’t mean it’s that simple. Folio’s a tease. he’ll kitten lick your clit until you’re crying for him to do more. and he loves when you cry for him, just pushes him more into it. he’d definitely be the one to overstimulate you to the point of no return too. when i said if you soaks his face, that’s his end goal. he wants to feel you for the next week.

Matt CRAVES your pussy. so one day when you very shyly bring up to the man that you wanna sit on his face, he’s laying down on his couch before your sentence is over. “Cmon pretty baby, your throne is waiting.” he’d be super gentle and soft with you at first too. hands on your thighs, squeezing every once in a while. but when he starts to pick up pace and your moans start getting louder that’s all it takes for him to get desperate. you’re riding his tongue, occasionally leaning forward enough to rub over his strained cock which truly just causes Matt to moan into your pussy like a whore when he does finally cum in his pants. he’s really just happy he got to taste you, he’s not even the slightest bit embarrassed either. because to him? you’re a Goddess.

[xx-like-a-villian-xx]

I Hate You | One

(So I've decided to finally start posting my works from ao3 on here eek. Here's a cheeky lil one shot about a very angry Noah and reader who hates his guts, enjoy x

My ao3 is https://archiveofourown.org/users/xX_like_a_villain_Xx

Also let me know if you want to be tagged in anything upcoming posts, I have so many WIPs)

CW: smut, angry sex, fingering, p in v unprotected sex, reader slaps Noah, use of derogatory terms, all around a good old hate bang

18+ MDNI | Noah Sebastian x Reader

”Oh fuck off, Noah. Mr “I’m a big rockstar, I can’t do anything wrong”, you make me sick.” You huffed, throwing the t-shirt you had just folded back into the box of merch. “Always on my fucking case.”

Noah stared at you with fiery eyes, clenching his jaw. “You know what, if your brother wasn’t my best friend and drummer of this fucking band, you wouldn’t even get this opportunity.” He pointed, stepping closer.

”I fucking wish I never met you, asshole.”

That was it for Noah, he stormed out of the green room, the door slamming loudly.

Noah Sebastian, always making sure your day was ruined. You had no idea what his problem was but since Folio, your older brother, invited you on tour as a merch girl, he had been insufferable. Sure, every time you saw the guy you’d end up in some kind of altercation but it had become significantly worse since you stepped foot on the bus on the first day of tour. You could practically see the steam coming out of his ears when you placed your bags in your bunk. There was just something about him that pissed you off, his cocky attitude, his stupid hair, the stupid smirk that he always wore- he just really fucking ground your gears.

You groaned, throwing your hair into a claw grip before stacking the boxes on top of each other, ready to take them down to the merch area.

”Who pissed in Noah’s cereal this morning? He was kicking up a storm outside.” Jolly chuckled as he entered the green room.

You laughed. “Thanks for the great idea, I’ll add that to my list of shit I wanna do to him.”

“What are you even fighting about now?” He asked, throwing himself down onto the worn leather couch.

”Fuck knows, I just want this tour to be over so I don’t have to see him.”

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

“Where the fuck is Noah? It’s half an hour until showtime!” Matt was fretting, searching behind amps backstage like the 6’3” man would be behind them.

You rolled your eyes. It was always like this, fight with Noah then he disappears until the last second just to make everyone stressed. You put your phone away in your back pocket and groaned.

”I’ll find him, just stick to whatever you're doing.” You patted Matt’s shoulder.

”Is that a good idea, sis?” Nick raised an eyebrow, fed up with your arguing.

You shrugged at your brother. “You have shit to be doing, I’ll be fine.”

You weren’t fine, anxiety bubbled low in your stomach as you searched around the venue for the singer who was nowhere to be found. Fuck, where the hell would he be? You sighed in defeat after searching everywhere inside, pushing the back door to the venue open. The sky was turning dark, the crisp autumn air hitting your bare arms making you shiver as you pulled the sleeves down.

You wandered around the buses, looking for any sign of him, even searching their bus to no avail. You stepped back outside, losing your footing on the step, almost plummeting to the ground when strong arms caught you. You looked down at the inked skin that gripped your waist and jolted away, looking up into fiery coffee coloured eyes.

”Where the fuck have you been? Everyone’s been looking for you!” You snapped, folding your arms over your chest.

Noah chuckled darkly. “It doesn’t matter.”

You could smell the hint of whiskey on his breath as he spoke, towering over you. “Noah, have you been drinking?”

”Why does it matter?” You could now hear the slight slur in his voice.

You sighed. “Fuck, Noah. You have to perform in less than half an hour.”

“Jesus Christ, Y/N it was two drinks.”

You bit your tongue. “Okay, fine, whatever. Just get back in there.”

You turned to walk away, getting halfway towards the doors when you heard him say something under his breath, making your blood boil.

”What was that?” Your jaw clenched as you stormed back towards him.

He smirked. “That skirt makes you look like a hooker.” His eyes roamed down your body, stopping at the black miniskirt and fishnets that covered your legs.

Your open palm met his cheekbone before you could even think. The sound of the slap ricocheting off the buses. He stood there, stunned as you gritted your teeth in anger, your hand burning from the hit.

Before another word could be said, you were pushing your way back inside the venue, his dark eyes watching you.

“After tonight, I’m going the fuck home.” You yelled as you stomped past everyone to the merch area.

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

Thankfully Noah showed up for his set, cheek still red from your hit and you took some kind of pleasure in knowing that you were the reason for it, although the girls in the crowd swooned over him even more and it made you want to vomit. If you had to hear one more word about how gorgeous he was, you were sure you were going to flip the table.

The venue was finally cleared out and you exhaled the breath you didn’t even realise you had been holding. Busying yourself with putting the merch away was the only thing keeping your mind off the bullshit. You needed to look for plane tickets home so you rushed the job.

”You’re not serious about going home, right?” Your brother picked up a hoodie, folding it into a box.

You chuckled darkly. “If I spend one more second around that man things are gonna get ugly and I don’t think anyone wants that. It’s better if I go home.”

Nick sighed. “What if I talk to him?”

You looked up at your brother who’s eyebrows were furrowed in concern as he worked. “Nick, it’s been years and nothing has changed. If we stay around each other for one more second, we will end up ripping each other apart. Let’s just get this done so we can go back to the hotel and I can get a plane home tomorrow.”

”Fine.”

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

“Go on in, I need to grab a few things.” You told everyone. You were parked at the hotel and you just needed a few minutes of alone time before the others forced you to the hotel bar to say goodbye. You were adamant on going home no matter how much they asked you to stay. You tidied up the bus, knowing it would be a mess when you leave, it’s the least you could do when you were abandoning them for the rest of the tour.

Your mind reeled over the events of the night, replaying Noah’s words and his face when you slapped him. He deserved it, how dare he call you a hooker. You were still fuming about it, seething.

”I heard that you're leaving for LA in the morning?” You didn’t even hear the bus door open and the anger flowing through your veins only grew hotter, burning like poison through your body.

You slammed the trash bag down and turned to him. “Yeah, I am. Is that a problem?”

He sat on the small table, crossing his arms. “No, actually I’m quite excited about it.”

Your eyes rolled in frustration. “Great, fantastic, now fuck off.”

Silence was thick in the air. He didn’t move, he just watched you angrily throw trash into the plastic bag. You couldn’t stand his presence, it was like heavy fog in your mind and you were ready to see red.

”What’s your problem, Noah?” You finally span around, holding your hands out in exasperation.

He huffed a laugh. “I just think you’re the worst person to ever exist, is all.” He shrugged. “You have a weak slap too, it felt like being kissed by a butterfly.”

A scoff left your lips, your fingertips twitching. “Shut up, just shut the fuck up Noah.”

He smirked. “Why? Gonna hit me again?”

”I said shut up.” Your patience was wearing thin.

”You should get some lessons, I know a guy.”

“Shut the fuck up!”

He cocked his head to the side and pouted. “Oh no, is Little Miss Perfect getting frustrated, hm?”

That was it. You marched forward and gripped the front of his hoodie, breathing heavily through your nose. “Listen here, I don’t know what your fucking problem is but can you please just fuck off and leave me alone. I’ll be gone tomorrow, I won’t hang around when we’re home, we won’t have to see each other.” You growled.

His whiskey eyes turned almost black as he stared down at you, his lips curling into a sick smile. “What a shame, I was enjoying this game of cat and mouse.”

You could’ve screamed in his face, grip tightening on his hoodie. “I hate you.”

”Say it again.” His inked fingers wrapped around your wrist. He stood, towering above you, nostrils flaring.

”I hate you.”

He flipped the both of you over, pressing your back against the table, looming over you as if you were prey. You should’ve been scared but your thighs clenched when he stared down at you, chest heaving with anger.

“Say it again, Y/N.” He growled, face inches from yours.

You gulped, face reddening at the closeness and his dominating demeanour. “I fucking hate you.” You spat.

His lips urgently pressed to yours, taking your breath away as he kissed you with so much fire you thought you might die. The hand on his hoodie moved to his chestnut hair, grabbing it at the roots hard. He gasped into your mouth, lifting you up onto the table. His tongue slipped past your lips, sliding against yours, earning a soft groan from you.

He pulled away to pull the Bad Omens long sleeve from your body, eyes travelling down to your bare chest where you had decided to not wear a bra and he practically whined. His hot lips trailed down your chest, his large palm gripping your waist. Your eyes rolled back when his mouth wrapped around the hardened peak of your nipple, your head falling back against your shoulders. His tongue lapped against it, dark eyes looking up at you through long lashes and you were done for.

“Noah-“ you gasped when his hand trailed between your thighs, pushing them apart.

He huffed against your sensitive skin as his hands pushed your tiny skirt up and found the fishnets underneath, tearing a hole in the crotch. You went to protest, to push him away but his fingers gliding against the wet mess on your underwear had the words dying on your tongue.

”Fuck, do you get off on hating me, huh?” He kissed back up to your jaw, hot breath against the flesh of your throat. When you didn’t answer, too lost in the feeling of his hand against your clothed core he gripped your cheeks, forcing you to look at him. “Answer me.”

His fingers slid underneath the black lace, slipping between your folds to gather the arousal and you gasped. He quickly pulled his fingers out, holding them in front of you, showing you just how wet you were.

His fingers gripped your cheeks harder. “I said, do you get off on hating me, Y/N?”

You nodded, his fingers pressing against your lips. You opened your mouth, licking your sweet arousal from his fingertips and he groaned at the sensation, hips bucking into you. You slid your tongue against them, sucking the digits as far as you could into your throat, spit travelling down onto his palm. He was panting over you, his hard cock straining against his shorts, pressing against your throbbing cunt.

It was all too much. Your face was burning up, body yearning for his touch. You hated him so much yet all you wanted was for him to take you for all you have, to leave you a whimpering mess.

As if he could read your thoughts, he pulled his soaking fingers from your mouth, eyes never leaving yours as he ran them down your bare chest, down to where you needed him most. He tore the thin black lace of your underwear out of the way and trailed his hand between your folds, circling your clit at a torturous pace, basking in the sounds that left your lips.

It felt like hell how slow he was being, riling you up, frustrating you even more than he usually did. You needed more and your hips bucked, begging for friction but he wouldn’t let up on the torture, smirking down at you.

“What do you need, hm?” He pouted.

”Fuck-“ you whined. “Please.”

”Please what?” His long inked fingers pressed against your entrance before retreating back to circle your clit.

”I need more, please.”

”Look at you begging like a needy little slut.” A sly grin danced across his lips as he finally pressed a slim finger inside you, the wet sound filling the quiet bus.

Your mouth gaped open, back arching when he curled his fingers into the spot that had your vision blurring. His cock twitched at the feeling of you clenching against his hand and he added another finger, fucking you fast exactly where you needed him.

You were on cloud nine, the feeling of his fingers inside you sending you into a frenzy of whines and moans. You shouldn’t have enjoyed it the way you did, it should’ve felt wrong, it shouldn’t have been happening at all with how much you fucking hated him but all you wanted to do was cum around his fingers.

His free hand moved to the back of your head, gathering your hair in his palm to force you to look at him. His eyes were pits of darkness and lust, pupils blown wide, staring at you like he wanted to devour you. He could feel your walls fluttering around his fingers and he growled, pulling you into a filthy kiss. Your tongues slid around each other in an unholy dance of need and desperation.

You were close, the tightness in the pit of your stomach becoming too much to handle. Your moans were turning into incoherent rambling and you needed release.

”Fuck, I-I’m gonna, ah!” Before you could, he pulled his fingers from you, pushing his shorts down just enough to free his cock, achingly hard and leaking precum.

”Are you gonna show me how much you hate me and cum around my cock?” His hand in your hair gripped harder, making your eyes roll back as the tip of his cock slid between your folds, pressing against your clit.

“Please, please, I need it.” You whimpered.

”You fucking disgust me.” He gritted, pushing inside, filling you so perfectly.

Your eyes met his when he started to fuck into you, hard and fast, the head of his cock pressing against your cervix, making your scream. It felt so good, you didn’t know how you would ever recover from him ruining you. You were so fucked out and cock drunk that you didn’t care about the noises that left you, mixing with the sound of skin slapping on skin and the wet sound of him rutting into your pussy.

He lifted one of your legs over his shoulder, his hand on the back of your head as leverage, cock sliding in and out of you so wonderfully. Once again that coil in your stomach pulled taught, threatening to snap. You clenched around him and he grunted, needing more of you. He pushed as deep as he could until you squealed in a heavenly mix of pain and pleasure.

“Do you hate me?” He growled, pressing his forehead against yours.

”So fucking much.” You whined.

”Tell me you hate me.” He was panting, so close to the edge.

His free hand slid between your bodies and found you clit, rubbing it quickly with his thrusts, making you see stars.

”Fuck! I hate you. I hate you. I hate y-“ with a scream you came around him, soaking him, legs rattling as you clutched his arms. You were completely out of your mind, fucked out, overstimulated as he fucked you through the best orgasm you had ever experienced.

Your walls pulsed around him, sending into his own climax, filling you to the brim with his cum, your name leaving his mouth like a mantra, a forbidden song.

You were both panting, catching your breath. Silence filled the bus when he pulled out, tucking himself back into his underwear while you lay there on the table, his cum dripping out of you. You heard him go into the bathroom to get tissue and to your surprise he cleaned you up, wiping away the mess he made.

There was an air of awkwardness when you redressed yourself, digging around for a pair of jeans and a T-shirt that you threw on haphazardly. Noah was cleaning the table when you turned to him.

You cleared your throat. “I-uh, I’m going to find the others.”

Noah scratched the back of his neck. “Yeah.”

You nodded, turning to the door.

”Hey wait!” You span back around to see Noah approaching, pulling you into a searing kiss. He pulled back after a minute with furrowed eyebrows. “Don’t go home, yeah?”

You smirked, lifting you hand to brush his hair out of his face. “Remember that I still hate you.”

He rolled his eyes. “Fuck you.”

He pulled your lips back to his again.

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

3 days later…

”Leave before I tear your fucking throat out.” You screamed, throwing a t-shirt at the smug brown eyed idiot.

”You should’ve got on that plane back home, I can’t fucking deal with this!” Noah stormed away.

”Don’t come back!” You yelled down the hall, stomping your feet towards the couch where Jolly and Bryan were sitting.

”I’m surprised you didn’t go. He’s not gonna change you know.” Jolly nudged your shoulder when you huffed.

“Why did you stay anyway?” Bryan asked.

”I can’t leave you guys short staffed, can I?” You smiled, wrapping your arms around their shoulders. “Anyway, I gotta go find Matt.” You stood up, picking up your phone on the way, smiling at the message on the screen. You sauntered out of the room.

”Do you think she’s fucking Noah?” Jolly questioned.

Bryan chuckled. “Totally.”

[ladykailitha]

Well Met By Moonlight Part 16

We are really getting down the end here. I think I have two or three more chapters to go and then it's complete. There's a lot that happens at the end so don't know how long it will take but it's looking like chapter twenty will be the last.

So thank you to everyone who's stuck it out this long. I know there aren't many anymore but I love each and every one of you who did.

We get more clues and Wayne runs afoul an ex.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15

~

Nancy chewed her lip as she flipped through the pages of the Hawkins Post trying to find anything that would spark her memory, but she was coming up empty. She was sure that there had been something that happened before Steve’s parents died.

“You know...” Wayne said gruffly after about an hour of them researching manticores, “you could just ask me. I’ve been around this town since it’s inception. There is very little I don’t remember.”

She let out a frustrated huff. “I just don’t remember when it was so I can’t even do that. It’s just this vague memory of there being an uproar in the pack. Which considering the upheaval this pack has had in the last twenty years, that really doesn’t narrow it down at all.”

Wayne clasped his hands over his mouth and looked at her for a moment. “You’re thinking too broadly.”

Nancy looked down at the newspaper in front of her with a frown and then back up at him.

“What do you mean?”

He laid his fists on the book in front of him and leaned forward toward her. “You’re what seventeen-eighteen?” She nodded. “It’s something you saw. Which means that it can’t be something longer than fifteen years ago as you’d be too little. But most likely it was probably closer to twelve or thirteen years ago as that’s when your core memories form. So what happened in the pack a dozen or so years ago?”

Nancy’s eyebrows furrowed deeper as she cast her mind back. She jumped up out of her chair and ran over to the side. She started scanning the correct year and pulled out another folio. She hurried back to the table where she began flipping through the pages like a woman on a mission.

She cried, “Eureka!” and turned it around so Eddie and Wayne could see.

May 23rd 1975

The Great Chicago Pack Has Announced the Banishment of One Dr. Alexei Oborin.

The former scientist had claimed that the five teenagers he found in the woods near the pack’s compound were hunters and that they attacked him first. However when other members of the pack arrived there were no signs of a struggle, only the mangled corpses of the three boys and two girls.

...

The article went on further to explain that the five teenagers who were traveling cross country were merely high school students who had wandered too close to the pack compound.

“This!” she cried when she was sure they had read enough. “It really spooked Hopper because it sounded like what had happened here, with Steve’s mom.”

Wayne nodded and looked up at Eddie who nodded too. He slid it back over to her.

“I remember that,” Wayne said, gruffly. “His mate swore up and down that Alexei was too gentle and childlike to have committed such things and that the kids must have goaded him into it.”

“What happened to the mate?” Eddie asked, jumping off the table and landed deftly on his feet, soft as a kitten. “The article didn’t say.”

Wayne shook his head. “It was never said, but most mates will willingly leave the pack to travel with the Banished One.”

“Banishment is such a big deal,” Nancy said, tapping her fingers on the table, the clack clack on her nails hitting the wood loud in the now quiet space. “It is reversible but only an alpha can do it.”

“It is,” Wayne agreed, “and it’s a shame that Steve had even threaten it to get the older members of your pack to behave.”

Nancy opened her mouth to argue but Eddie scoffed cutting her off without a word.

“You purebreds are all the same,” he muttered darkly. “Vampire, werewolf doesn’t matter. You can’t see the worth of anyone bitten. So sure that you are better than them. Steve’s half and as far as your pack is concerned it’s the wrong half. But he’s the only one standing between the pack and its annihilation at the hands of the vampire coven. And worse you have a fox in your hen house and it galls you that not only did Steve figure there was one, he figured out who it was and has been keeping him on a short leash. All without your help.”

Nancy glared at him, but he refused to blink, forcing her to look away first.

“You best see to the happenings in your pack, missy, before you go casting judgment on us.” Wayne growled. “You came in here like you owned the place, was rude to my nephew, and barked at me for offering to help. If Ed or I had been watching your moon night, we might know a hell of a lot more than we do now and I wouldn’t have to call in a favor from the last person I ever want to see again. And I know it was you that drove the final nail in the coffin of not having one of us there, so don’t you act high and mighty with me.”

She ducked her head and put her hands in her lap. She knew they were both right. It was the pack’s prejudice against vampires and outsiders as whole that had caused the incident unfold the way it did.

The key to this mystery lay in the incident with the hunters but she couldn’t figure out how.

“I’m sorry,” Nancy muttered, picking at her nail polish. “I just don’t know who to trust.”

Wayne scoffed and rolled his eyes. “Yes, you do. You just need to put away your pride to do it.”

~

Eddie and Wayne walked out of the library squinting into the blaring sun.

Eddie chewed his lip thoughtfully. “This getting out of hand, and if his female alpha is against him, the older members of his pack are against him and the younger ones putting their trust in the adults, there is a traitor in his keepers, and plus all the shit with the education system building little hunters...” he shook his head. “His only allies are us, that keeper Buckley and that’s it.”

“Steve is being harried on every side,” Wayne said in all seriousness. “And I don’t know how to protect him.”

Eddie rubbed his chin thoughtfully. “So we surround him with non-pack supes.”

“What do you mean, Ed?” Wayne asked, cocking his head to the side.

“I can’t involve Jeff, not with him being a part of the coven,” Eddie said, “but I have other friends who are supernatural beings. After all, if Steve is advocating for all supes they might be willing to protect him.”

Wayne nodded. After their time with Nancy he trusted the pack even less. There was something going on in this town that making it rot.

He clasped Eddie on the shoulder. “Go, gather your friends, I’ll meet up with you at the high school, I have my fish to fry.”

Eddie nodded and shifted, taking off in flight.

Wayne looked up at his nephew, now but black spot in the harsh daylight and shook his head. His boy had his heart in the right place, plus he didn’t want Eddie to know about who he was going to see.

~

Wayne started to relax in the setting sun and he began to unwind his protections. He pulled on his usual flannel and shoved the rest into his knapsack.

Just then a man oozed out of the shadows and smiled at him.

“I never expected to hear from you again,” the man muttered.

“Sam,” Wayne replied tersely. “I should have ripped you to pieces when I found out what you were.”

Dr. Sam Owen looked around him with a shrug and tilt of his head. “And leave this place without its staunch protector?”

Wayne growled, his fangs dropping and his eyes turning blood red.

“Don’t be like that, darling,” Sam cooed. “I told you before and I’m telling you again. That wasn’t my real wife or my real kids. I was undercover.”

“Yeah?” Wayne huffed. “That why you fucked her then? For your cover?”

Sam’s easy smile fell for the first time. “What?” His jaw was set in a hard line and gaze turned to steel.

Wayne laughed bitterly. “I could smell the stench of sex the moment I walked into that damned house. There were no other scents but yours and hers, so don’t you feed me some line.”

“I’ve heard of vampires having keen senses before but this one is new to me,” Sam said, excitement coloring his tone.

“If I didn’t need something from you,” Wayne spat, “I would fucking hit you right now. Are you really choosing to focus on my sense of smell after I just told you I knew you cheated on me?”

Sam straightened his spine. “Right, right. Sorry. That was a stupid thing to say.” He gently brought a finger under Wayne’s chin. “She was a succubus.”

Wayne’s head rocked back and away from his finger. “You telling me right now, demons exist?”

“I don’t know why that is such a surprise,” Sam said, cocking his head to the side as he regarded Wayne’s reaction with curiosity. “Fae, djinn, roc, wendigos, vampires, sirens, selkies, set animals, aqrabuamelu all exist why would demons be the exceptions?”

Wayne glared at him. “Because dragons, unicorns, actual fucking gods don’t exist, so yeah I figured heaven and hell were off the table too.”

Sam shook his head. “No, no. Demons aren’t of hell. Not in the way certain religions believe. But gumiho exist and so do incubi and succubi. The latter two smell strongly of intercourse. It’s a kind of pheromone they give off when distressed.”

“I–I didn’t know,” Wayne muttered, dropping his gaze to the floor.

He took a step toward Wayne and cupped his cheeks. “I should have sought you out after you ran off, I knew where you were, I could have come and cleared up the misunderstanding, but I didn’t. This is on me entirely. What ever you want, whatever you need. Just ask and I’ll grant it.”

Wayne looked up into the agent’s eyes. “Can you get me all the information on the banishment of Dr. Alexei Oborin?”

“Done.”

Wayne chuckled and shook his head gently out of Sam’s grasp. “You aren’t going to ask what for?”

“No,” Sam said with a smirk. “Because I know you, Wayne. You are one tough son of a bitch, but your instinct is rarely wrong. I’ve come to rely on that fact.”

“There are some pretty weird shit going down in this town, Sam,” he growled. “It’s making the air feel like just before an electric storm. Cackling with danger and the smell of ozone.”

Sam nodded. “We’ve been looking into some things since the Harrington alpha was attack. I don’t know if our two investigations are related, but I don’t see how they can be.”

“You aren’t keeping shit from me, are you Sam?” Wayne asked, cocking his head to the side.

The agent sighed. “It’s not keeping it from you if I can’t tell you what I’m working on. You know that.”

“If there is something with that boy that you aren’t telling me,” Wayne growled, “I will rip your balls off.”

“Wayne...I’m investigating. I don’t know anything yet.” Sam rubbed his face in frustration.

The vampire eyed him warily, but nodded. “I want those files as soon as you can.”

“I promise.”

Wayne walked away from Sam and then transformed, taking flight. Below the agent looked up at the winged creature and sighed.

This complicated matters.

~

Part 17 Part 18 Part 19 Part 20

Tag List: SEVENTEEN SLOTS REMAINING

1- @mira-jadeamethyst @rozzieroos @itsall-taken @redfreckledwolf @zerokrox-blog

2- @swimmingbirdrunningrock @gregre369 ​@a-little-unsteddie @chaosgremlinmunson @goodolefashionedloverboi

3- @fullpoetrybread @messrs-weasley @val-from-lawrence @carlyv @wonderland-girl143-blog

4- @bookworm0690 @littlewildflowerkitten @just-a-tiny-void @potato-of-the-lord @thelittleclare

5- @goosesister @tinyplanet95 @she-collects-smut @irregular-child @y4r3luv

6- @fairytalesreality @anaibis @papergrenade @ravenfrog @blondie1006 @dreamercec

7- @thedragonsaunt @sadisticaltarts @kultiras

[destiny-aesthetics]

^ Star Chart ; found in the Guardian Folio

-----------------------------------------------------

Destiny [Bungie] | Original Game [Ghost/Limited Edition]

[top text] TYPVS ORBIS TERRARVM [bottom left text] THESE WORLDS WERE ONCE OURS QVID EI POTEST VIDERI MAGNVM IN REBVS HVMANIS, CVI AETER- NITAS OMNIS, TOTIVS QVE MVNDI NOTA SIT MAGNITVDO [translation: bottom left text] What among human matters can seem great to him to whom all eternity and the extent of the whole universe are known [bottom center text] PER AUDACIA AD ASTRA [translation: bottom center text] Through boldness to the stars [bottom right text] Then we dug in the unforgiving ground. We prayed for water and for food. The brave among us ferried broken stone out of the blighted lands, and we built new walls - new temples - low and crude, familiar and comforting and safe. But the eternal star song swept over us again, silent and swift as a confession. Our bones ached with the memory. Our blood stirred. We could not deny our destiny. And so we began anew

[doomhands-jr]

The Devil's Advocate - Chapter 6

Pairing: Delinquent!Noah Sebastian X Pastor's Daughter!Reader

Summary: Noah is a delinquent with a lot of anger at the church. You're a pastor's daughter plagued by moral perfectionism, charged with overseeing the community service he's been sentenced to complete. You've never encountered true temptation before. How will you fare up against Noah, who not only isn't bound by the same rules of purity as you, but actively scoffs at them?

Rating: 18+ Minors DNI

Warnings: Smut/angst

Masterlist

Banner by @flowerynerds

___________________________

“Okay,” said Ruffilo, spinning a chair backwards at the foot of Noah’s bed and straddling it. He crossed his arms over the back of it and stared straight into Noah’s soul. “So talk to me.” 

Noah didn’t feel like talking. In fact, it was the last thing he wanted to do, but keeping everything bottled up hadn’t fared too well for him. After what happened the other night (he grimaced, not wanting to think about it), he felt like he owed it to himself to talk about it. Not doing so would likely end up in him engaging in even more self-destructive behavior. 

Noah leaned back  on his bed, head hitting the  wall with a soft thunk, arms draped over his bent knees, and closed his eyes. 

“I may have done something stupid,” he sighed. 

Nick chuckled softly. “I’ve seen you do a lot of stupid things, Noah. I’m not here to judge.” 

Nick’s voice held a practiced, precise balance between tenderness and concern. Noah had heard it many times over the years—Nick’s had always been the voice of reason, pulling him back down to earth when his head got stuck in the clouds (which happened a lot in Noah’s case). It was both comforting and, at times, intimidating—especially when it contained sharp truths that Noah wasn’t ready to hear. He suspected he was in store for some of those. 

“I may have…,” he trailed off, searching his brain for a combination of words he could accept. “…become attached…to someone.” 

He opened his eyes to note Nick’s reaction, but there was none. His face was neutral. Stoic. Kind, even. 

“Do you want to tell me who?” 

Noah shook his head. Nick tucked his teeth between his lips—a gentle sign that let Noah know he disagreed with the choice, but wasn’t going to press the matter. 

“Okay... So why is this an issue?” Nick shrugged.

Noah bit his lip, eyes flicking out his window when Nick’s sincerity became too much for him. He swallowed thickly. 

“I don’t think I’m good for her.” 

Nick’s eyebrows pinched together and Noah couldn’t handle the sympathy. It felt too much like pity. He chewed the inside of his cheek to distract himself. 

“Why would you think that?” 

Noah’s heart pounded inside his chest as he fought the urge to bail from the conversation. Three minutes in, and it was already bringing up repressed emotions Noah had no desire to feel. 

He breathed deep through his nose to steady himself, digging the heels of his palms into his thighs. How was he supposed to describe the situation? He wasn’t even sure why he felt the way he did, he just had a gut instinct. 

“So she’s like, religious or whatever,” he began. 

“Hold on,” Nick held up a hand to pause, his demeanor still unbothered. “Is this the pastor’s daughter Folio was talking about?” he asked, and Noah’s heart jumped into his throat. “Not a judgment, just a question,” he followed up. 

Noah hadn’t realized just how tense he’d become and forced his shoulders to relax. Though Nick was the least judgmental person he knew, he still couldn’t help but feel like he was on trial. 

Noah nodded reluctantly. “How much did he tell you?” 

“Not much,” Nick said with a shrug. “Just that you guys had a bet going.” 

Noah scowled. “I never agreed to be part of that.” 

Nick, calm as ever, simply blinked back. “I didn’t think you would.” His eyes scanned over Noah’s frame, likely noticing how on-edge his friend was. 

“Are you okay?” he asked. 

Noah puffed out a breath, wrapping his arms around his knees to quell the tension in his diaphragm. He didn’t know why he was so nervous to talk about this—Ruffilo clearly cared about him and had never, ever judged him. Perhaps Noah judged himself so harshly that he couldn’t imagine anyone else not. 

“No,” he said, words finally flowing from him like a pressure release valve had been flipped. 

“I’m not okay. I don’t know what to do. I can’t stop thinking about this girl, but I feel like I’m so fucked up and I just know I’m gonna end up hurting her somehow. And I think she likes me too, which makes it that much harder to stay away.” 

He pressed his palms into his eyes to equalize the pressure that had built up behind them. 

“I’m a fucking mess,” he continued fidgeting with a rip in his jeans. “I don’t have my shit together at all , and eventually she’s going to see how pathetic I am and leave me for someone better.” 

“Whoa,” said Nick, face remaining neutral, but voice taking a more assertive tone. “Hold on. You’re making a lot of wild assumptions here.” 

“Am I though? She’s a virgin and I can’t go a week without sticking my dick in someone.” 

Nick brought his finger up to his chin, eyes glazing over as he thought. “That does seem like an obstacle. Does she know this about you?” 

Noah paused his fidgeting. “I don’t know,” he confessed. “I think she sort-of knows? But I don’t think she realizes how bad it is.”

“Is bad the right word?” Nick asked. Noah leaned his head back, tapping the crown of it against the wall several times over. 

“You’re missing the point.” 

“I don’t think I am,” said Nick, folding his arms in front of him. “I think you’re catastrophizing because you’re scared.” 

“Dude!” said Noah, throwing his hands in the air. “Can you not?!” 

Nick snickered into his hand, knowing he had finally gotten to the bottom of what had been eating at Noah. 

“Sorry, yes,” said Nick, struggling to keep his face straight. “You are alone in your problems. Nobody has ever dealt with anything like this before and you suffer uniquely .” 

Noah huffed, dropping his arms.. “Thank you. Finally someone gets it.” 

Nick smiled at his friend, then gave him a look that brought the conversation back to a serious note. “Do you really think you’re incapable of change?”

Noah sucked on his teeth. “I think that’s what I’m scared of.” 

Nick rocked forward on his chair, balancing it on its two hind legs. “Are you willing to try?” 

Noah rubbed his hand up and down his calf, “I don’t know.” 

The chair Nick was on slammed back down on all four legs, creating a thud that echoed through the room. “I don’t know what to tell you man,” Nick said, standing up and stretching. “You either want the girl or you don’t.” 

“Thanks,” Noah said flatly. “That really helps.” 

Nick sat down beside Noah on the bed, pressing his shoulder into Noah’s.

“You’ll figure it out,” he said. “You have a lot of great qualities. There’s a reason she’s drawn to you. Personally, I’m really happy to call you my friend. And if it worries you that much, you can always try being honest with her about your concerns.” 

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Noah said, trying to diffuse the sincerity with humor. He’d always had a difficult time accepting genuine affection, and Nick had a habit of giving it when it was most needed. 

“You might find,” he continued, “that she, like the rest of us, accepts you for who you are. Warts and all.” 

“It’s a lot of warts,” Noah said. 

Nick nodded in agreement. “It is a lot of warts.” 

For the first time since the beginning of their conversation, Noah cracked a smile. The pressure of Nick’s arm against his was comforting and he wanted to lean into it more, but he didn’t. He wasn’t ready to admit just how needy he was for affection. 

There was a time in Noah’s childhood where he’d expressed his needs. The need for reassurance. The need for affection. The need for love and kindness. Somewhere along the way though, he’d learned that his needs were a burden to his caregivers. Any time he asked, he was met with irritability and annoyance, and it wasn’t long before Noah received the message that his parents would only accept him if he didn’t ask for anything. 

He cut off the part of him that needed. The part that yearned. That part of him only brought about pain and rejection, so he treated it with disgust until it learned to never show its ugly face. Noah prided himself in his ability to be self-sufficient. And no, he never did end up earning the love he had wanted from his parents, but at least he didn’t get rejected by them as much. 

Now that he was older, he was starting to realize that being self-sufficient wasn’t all it was cracked up to be. He knew he had to soften, and he would…one day. It was just that right then, he had so much he was already struggling with. Adding another task on top of the pile was overwhelming. 

So he settled for begrudgingly allowing his needs to be met whenever his friends insisted. 

“Thanks, man,” he muttered, not enjoying the way it felt coming out, but knowing it needed to be said. 

“Anytime,” his friend said, nudging his elbow deeper into Noah. “I’m here if you need to talk.” 

Nick waited a beat before continuing. 

“For what it’s worth, I think you should go for it. It sounds like she’s good for you.” 

Noah didn’t respond, but knew Nick would never say anything he didn’t mean. Perhaps he couldn’t trust himself just yet, but he could trust Nick, and that was a start. 

_______

“Can I ask your opinion on something?” Noah whispered in your ear. He’d snuck up behind you and you just about jumped out of your skin.  “Don’t scare me like that,” you said, turning.. His face hovered just over yours, close enough you could almost count his eyelashes,  and you had to take a deep breath to keep from flushing. Noah hissed a laugh through his teeth, backing away to a more respectable distance. 

It was Saturday morning once again. The first snow had just fallen, and the three of you were freezing your asses off outside. The two men had finished shoveling the walkways, and were now pouring salt along the sidewalks. Nick was about six meters away, scooping salt out of the massive bucket resting on the steps leading up to the church.

“My bad,” said Noah, fighting back his laughter. 

“What did you want to ask?” 

“What’s your take on lust?” he said, looking over to make sure Nick couldn’t hear. 

You blinked up at him. Noah wasn’t bringing this topic up just for the fun of it. He had an agenda, you suspected. The angel on your shoulder screamed to walk away, but the devil on the other whispered for you to take the bait. 

You swallowed hard and chose the secret third option—stall. 

“You’re going to have to be more specific,” you said, breath coming out in a cloud of steam. Your nose had started to run. 

“Like, do you think it’s a sin?” he asked, leaning his weight on the handle of the shovel he still hadn’t put away. 

“Well, yeah,” you said. “You’re objectifying someone.” 

“How much of the sidewalk do they want us to do?” Nick called. He was almost to the end of the main walkway, but still had yet to touch the sidewalks in front of the church. 

“I think the whole thing,” you said, pointing to the sidewalks on either side. 

Nick scoffed. “So we’re supposed to spend the entire morning out here? I’m fucking freezing !” he said, wrapping his arms around himself for effect. 

“Do you need to borrow a jacket?” you asked. “We have some in the donation bins.” 

Nick’s face twisted into something sour. “No thanks.” 

You chuckled. “Then I can’t help you. Get back to work.” 

He groaned, throwing his head back and stomping off like a petulant child to spread his salt bucket farther down the sidewalk. 

“Absolute baby,” you muttered under your breath. It was the truth, but you had a soft spot in your heart for Nick’s antics. It made the day go by faster. 

“Even if they don’t know?” Noah asked, once Nick was out of earshot. 

“Know what?” you said, turning to face him. You noticed his ears poking out from under his hat. It was stupidly charming, especially now that the red of his earlobes matched the end of his nose, the membranes chilled by the cold. 

“That they’re being objectified?” His lisp was more prominent on the last word. He was making it difficult for you to ignore the crush you’d been unsuccessful in getting over—whether or not he knew. 

“I don’t know,” you said, placing your hands on your hips impatiently. “I’m not an expert. Shouldn’t you be working?” Up until that point, the conversation had played out like a game of tug-of-war, with both of you having an even grasp over its control, but you could feel your feet slipping. 

“My bad,” said Noah, leaning his shovel against the building and taking out a large scoop of salt. He sprinkled it over the sidewalk for the next ten yards and then immediately circled back to you. 

“So do you ever catch yourself lusting?” 

“Noah,” you scolded, rolling your eyes. “Why are you asking all these questions?” 

“Sorry, it’s just,” he said, sliding his foot back and forth in a large arc. His shoe glided over the salt on the sidewalk in front of him, producing a crunching, scraping sound. He sighed before sheepishly looking at you. “Full disclosure? I find myself lusting a lot.” 

“What a surprise,” you said flatly. He tilted his head and sucked on his teeth, unamused with your interjection. 

“And,” he continued, stressing the word the way a teacher would when interrupted. “I always thought it was harmless because the person I was lusting after wouldn’t find out, so victimless crime, right?” 

You raised an eyebrow. 

“I had a feeling you would say that,” he said, and you laughed. 

“Okay, well, if I may…who are you lusting after?” you asked. As soon as the question left your mouth, your chest tightened, not wanting to know the answer. If he said any other woman’s name, you’d lose it. 

“Not important,” he said. He suppressed a smile and you immediately knew he’d seen right through you. It wasn’t the affirmation from him you hoped you’d hear, but that was a long shot anyway. At least he hadn’t said someone else. 

You didn’t like the idea of him potentially talking to you about his troubles with women. You held out hope he could be hinting about his thoughts of you, given his actions on Halloween. The idea of him wanting you in that way was intoxicating. But you also knew he had a track record of being promiscuous, so really, it was anyone’s guess. 

“I think it’s probably not a good idea to be objectifying people like that,” you answered. “It could lead to treating them disrespectfully.” 

You said it, but you weren’t sure you meant it. A selfish part of you didn’t want to discourage him from thinking of you like that. 

“What if I could find a way to do both?” he asked. “Objectify and respect?” You found yourself struggling to look directly at him. 

You shrugged. “I’m not an expert. We both know I have a complicated relationship with sexuality, so I don’t even know if my opinion counts.”

“I think it counts,” he said. This time, you did chance a look over at him. His hands were stuffed in his pockets, shoulders raised to his ears as he looked at you. 

You wrinkled your nose, touched by his candor, but still unsure how you should respond. 

“If you feel like you can do both and it doesn’t feel wrong, then I’m not going to try to stop you,” you said. 

Noah pursed his lips. “That’s a very diplomatic answer.” 

“Can we go inside, please?” Nick whined, walking back up to the two of you. He’d salted about half the sidewalk. He bounced on his heels in a display of impatience. 

“Fine,” you sighed. “But find something productive to do. I think the displays need dusting.” 

Nick all but bounded up the walkway in glee, stopping to deliver a cold kiss on your cheek before he rushed inside. You stepped back startled at the sudden intrusion into your personal space. 

“Dude!” Noah scolded while you processed what had just happened. 

“Suck it, Noah!” Nick called back without looking, and you burst out laughing. You liked being able to witness little glimpses into their friendship dynamic. Nick was such an antagonist, but Noah always had a sharp tongue with a witty retort on the end of it. 

���Sorry about him,” said Noah. 

“Don’t be. I liked it,” you teased, twisting your body back and forth like a schoolgirl with a crush. 

Noah reared his head back, looking you up and down with a furrowed brow. “Whore,” he spat, and stalked off dramatically to grab more salt. 

Your laughter grew in intensity, now becoming a full-body affair. You shook your head at his sass, deciding to head into the church to make sure Nick was actually working. 

Noah didn’t talk to you for the rest of the session.  _________

Pausing his game, Noah looked at the clock. It was nearing ten. 

On any given Saturday night, he was usually either at a party at Jolly’s or at a bar. Rarely did he spend his Saturdays alone, but that night was different. The knowledge that he could be getting laid at the moment wasn’t lost on him. It gnawed at him incessantly, refusing to let him forget. 

He wished he could. There were much better things he could be doing with his time, like trying to figure out what he wanted to do with his life, for one. Or working on his music. Or self-improvement of any kind, but his body had needs, and they demanded his focus. 

Perhaps his dick anticipated being inside someone. Perhaps he’d Pavloved his body into expecting pussy at least once per week, always around the same time. He sighed, awareness being dragged down to his lap.

For the hundredth time, his thoughts drifted to you. You’d probably just gotten back from worship band practice and were getting ready to turn in early so you could be up for church tomorrow. 

He rolled his eyes at the thought of it, once again struck by just how different your lives were. God, could he even imagine himself being with you? Would you expect him to go to church as well? 

His nose wrinkled on his own accord, eyes landing on the silver ring he’d fished it out of the bucket in the supply closet the other week when you weren’t looking. It now sat next to his keyboard, taunting him. 

A purity ring. God , the concept was horrific. Why anyone would promise such nonsense was beyond him. Not to mention the fact that they basically forced it on you at such a young age. It made him sick. 

He was proud of you for not wanting to wear it anymore. It warmed his heart to see you freeing yourself from that burden. 

His stomach churned with guilt. He knew it was wrong for him to have it without you knowing, but in his defense, you’d asked him to take it before tossing it away. Had he known you were that serious about ridding yourself of it, he probably would have taken it when you offered. 

He had to admit, there was also something kind of hot about him having your purity ring. He felt like he’d taken a small piece of that precious virgin identity.  

His eyes drifted over to the phone sitting beside the ring. Your number was in there. He hadn’t used it yet, but he could if he wanted. 

Taking his phone in his hand, he unlocked it, pulling up your contact and opening a new message. You were right there on the other end of it. 

He shouldn’t. Talking to you right now was a bad idea, and he knew it. His whole goal was to be better for you. Not to further corrupt you. And there was no way he had the strength to behave himself if he spoke to you at this hour. Not when his body tingled with want and anticipation. 

No, staying away from you was the much better option. If he really wanted to talk to you, it could wait until morning. He’d rub one out and go to bed and wake up feeling like a better man. One who had actually resisted the temptations of the flesh, for once in his life. 

He sighed and locked his phone again.

He thought back to the conversation he’d had with you that morning. He knew it was a dangerous topic to bring up. He’d had ulterior motives from the get-go. But you’d answered all his questions with grace—not once giving into him the way so many would have. They way he knew he would have given in had it been reversed. 

If you’d been the one to bring up the topic of lust, he’d have found a way to bring the topic to the two of you fucking within minutes. He’d have slithered the idea of sex into that conversation immediately and found some way or another to get you thinking about it. 

If he did message you this late, you’d probably just turn him down anyway. Hell, you were probably already asleep. And if you did answer, you’d probably just have a casual, civil conversation with him. Or you’d want to talk religion again, which he was actually starting to like. 

Still, it was a bad idea. He was too needy. Maybe he should just watch some porn or something. He hadn’t done that in a while. 

Sighing, he opened his browser and typed the URLof his go-to site. Immediately, he was met with lewd stills. He tried to look, but it was all so gratuitous and intentionally overstimulating. There was no build up. Nothing left to imagination. Just explicit images of women bent over while men fucked them raw. And none of it sounded like anything he was remotely interested in. At least not at the moment. 

Swallowing back the acid that had crept into the back of his mouth, he closed the window, staring down at his boxers with pity. 

“I’m sorry, dude,” he muttered to his lap. “Looks like it’s just you and me tonight.” 

__________

Your heart squeezed, knowing what was about to happen. Inosuke held Daki’s head in triumph, having just beheaded the demon when something squelched, and Gyutaro’s curved blade pierced through the middle of his chest. Blood spurted out of the boar’s mask on his head, and Tanjiro cried out in anguish for his friend. 

You’d watched this episode a half-dozen times, and it still never ceased to tug at you. 

An ache was beginning to form in your lower back from sitting in the same position on your bed for too long. Grabbing a pillow, you flopped onto your belly and propped your elbows over it. 

You looked over at Stevie’s clock she’d hung above her bed. It was just after ten. You knew you’d have to get to bed soon or else you’d be exhausted for church tomorrow. But perhaps you could fit in one more episode before then…

Your phone pinged. Picking it up, your screen displayed a text from the last person you expected. 

Noah 10:08 PM : Okay, so I have more thoughts. 

You smiled to yourself. Noah was indeed persistent when he wanted answers. You quickly typed out a reply. 

You 10:08 PM : Go on…

Noah 10:09 PM : I agree that objectifying someone without their permission is bad. 

You 10:10 PM : Correct. 

Noah 10:10 PM : What if I had their permission? 

You snorted, diving into the pillow. The man just wouldn’t quit. 

You 10:12 PM : Are you alluding to porn? Because I don’t think that’s something God would be cool with. 

Noah 10:12 PM : No, not porn. I’m talking about getting someone’s permission. 

Noah: 10:12 PM : It would have to be above-board in that case, wouldn’t it? 

You 10:13 PM : I suppose…

If he was about to tell you he was going to ask for some other girl’s permission, you would chuck your phone at the wall. He didn’t, however. 

Noah 10:14 PM : What are you up to? 

You 10:15 PM : Watching Demon Slayer. You? 

Noah 10:15 PM : Fallout. Where are you? 

You 10:16 PM : In my dorm. Why? 

Noah 10:17 PM : What are you wearing? 

You laughed, finally seeing through his scheme. And honestly, you found it both sweet and endearing. So much so that you were tempted to give it to him. 

You snapped a picture of the oversized, threadbare racecar shirt you were wearing. You’d had it since you were a kid. You couldn’t remember how you got it, but it’s been in your possession since you could remember. By that point, it had collected an impressive set of stains and rips, but the years of wear and tear had softened it into the most comfortable shirt you owned. 

You hit send. 

You 10:21 PM : Sexy, right? 

Noah 10:21 PM : Nice shirt. 

Noah 10:22 PM : Almost as good as mine. 

The next message contained an image of him in a black shirt with the Lord of the Rings logo on it. He wore big, round glasses and his hair hung down messily over his shoulders. The photo was purposefully unflattering, with him looking down at the camera and distorting the shape of his lower face.  

You laughed again, the sound coming out loudly through your nose and you were glad your roommate was still visiting her parents and couldn’t hear you. 

You 10:23 PM: Hot. 

Noah 10:24 PM : Ikr? 

You 10:24 PM : Never been more turned on in my life. 

Sending that last text felt edgy. Exciting, even. Like you let slip a little bit of truth wrapped in the sarcasm, and you wondered if he could pick up on it. 

Noah 10:24 PM : Is that so? 

Got him. You swallowed thickly, wanting to lean into the flirtation without making your feelings too obvious. 

You 10:25 PM : What can I say? I have a thing for men with multiple chins. 

You watched as three dots appeared, then disappeared, and then reappeared several times before he finally replied. 

Noah 10:27 PM : Video chat? 

Your heart leapt into your throat, stomach buzzing with nerves. This wasn’t just taking things a step forward, but a whole leap—one with any number of potential outcomes and the unknown both scared and enticed you. 

Was this dangerous? Perhaps. But perhaps there was part of you that was ready for some danger, having played it far too safe for the last two decades…

You 10:28 PM : Sure. 

You steadied your breath while you waited for him to call you, drumming your fingers on your nightstand. What would you say? Would it be awkward? What if he tried to get you to do something you were uncomfortable with? Would he…

Your thoughts were cut off by the buzzing on your phone. You sat up, straightening your hair in the reflection of your phone screen before answering. 

It was a few seconds before Noah appeared on the screen. He sat at a desk, a blank wall behind him. On the left, you could see the head of his bed with a neon backlight. A candle flickered on a nightstand next to it. He wore his long hair pulled back in a bun—a few strands falling pleasingly in front of his face. 

“Hey,” he said, his too-big front teeth on display in charming smile and you immediately relaxed into the conversation, feeling a smile creeping onto your own face. 

“Hey.” 

“Sorry for interrupting your anime,” he said, voice coming out low, gravelly, and slightly muffled. “I was getting sick of gaming.” His lisp was even more prominent through the speakers on your phone, which served to further disarm you.

“No, it’s fine,” you said, shaking your head. “I’ve already seen all the episodes.” 

“Is Demon Slayer any good?” His voice echoed in his empty room. 

“One of my favorites,” you said. 

“Nice. I’ll have to check it out.” 

There was a lull in conversation you weren’t sure how to fill, and suddenly you felt self-conscious, fiddling with the hem of your shirt to give your hands something to do. Noah continued to stare at you, rocking side-to-side in his desk chair. 

“Is your roommate home?” he asked. 

“No, she goes home on the weekends.” 

“Nice,” he said. “Do you guys get along?” 

You nodded. “For the most part. She’s double-majoring though, so she’s usually in class or at the library. I don’t actually see her much.” 

“Does that get lonely?” 

“Not really,” you said, playing absentmindedly with a strand of your hair. “I kind of like all the alone time.” 

It was true. As much as you enjoyed Stevie as a person, you rarely saw her. She was even more focused on school than you, and that was saying something. 

Without thinking, you brought the strand of hair to your mouth, sucking on the ends. 

“I get that,” he said, smile growing softer. “I like my alone time.” 

“Do you get much of it, living with two other guys?” 

“If I go to the studio,” he said, leaning back in his chair. “Nobody bothers me there. Though they usually don’t bother me if I’m in my room, either.” 

“What’s it like living with Nick?” you asked. 

Noah rolled his eyes. “Loud,” he said. “The man can turn anything into a drum set.” 

“Have I met your other roommate?” 

“Yeah, actually,” he said, fiddling with something on his desk. You met him at the party for like a minute. Ruffilo. He has long hair.” 

“ Everybody had long hair,” you said. He let out a soft laugh. 

“True. He’s the one that plays bass. Green eyes.” 

“Oh yeah,” you said, vague memory coming back slowly. “It’s a Saturday night. Why aren’t you out?” 

Noah shrugged. “I’m getting bored with the party scene to be honest. What about you? Don’t you have some sort of youth group function to attend?” 

“Actually, there was an event tonight,” you said. “I didn’t feel like going.” 

“You heathen ,” he said, the corner of his lip quirking up into a devious smirk. He said it as a compliment, and your stomach buzzed pleasantly at the praise. 

You curled your toes into your sheets while Noah took an opportunity to observe you. 

“That hair taste good?” he asked, nodding toward the screen.. 

“What? Oh!” you said, laughing softly to yourself. You’d been chewing on your hair the whole time without realizing. You dropped the strand; sure you’d probably given yourself some split ends. 

“I like you like this,” he said. It was the most genuine compliment he’d paid you, and your insides melted into pools of liquid organs. 

“Like what?” 

“Cozy. Natural. I like your bedhead.” 

You blushed, avoiding eye contact and choosing to stare at your bedspread until you processed the compliment. “Thanks.” 

Noah let out a low humming sound meant to fill silence, which you found extremely attractive. 

“So what do you got going on tonight?” you asked. You propped your phone up against a water bottle on your night stand and shifted so you were sitting cross-legged in front of the camera. Noah’s eyes ran over your legs before drifting back up to meet yours. 

“You’re looking at it,” he said, stretching his arms up over his head and exposing a sliver of stomach. You allowed yourself to stare, taking notice of the ink that decorated it, much like the rest of his body.  

“You have tattoos on your stomach too,” you observed. 

He dropped his arms and sighed into a bashful smile. “Yeah.” 

“Is there anywhere you don’t have tattoos?” you asked. 

“Yeah,” he said. 

“Where?” 

He looked down at his lap and then back up to you, smile devolving into a smirk. He topped it off with a wink. 

“Oh!” you said, head jerking back and hand coming up to cover your mouth when you finally pieced together what he meant. “I didn’t mean—Oh,” you said when you noticed his teasing smile.  “Just kidding,” he said, and you huffed at his idea of a joke. “I have tattoos on my dick too.” 

“What?!” 

He hissed out laugh. “You walked into that one.” 

“You’re such a jerk,” you said, looking away from the screen and biting your tongue until the blush seeped out of your cheeks. Kidding or not, he was deliberately bringing up his genitals and you were half-scandalized and half-aroused. 

“Come on, it was just a joke.” He said, rolling his eyes. Not that you noticed because you were still avoiding eye contact. “I don’t have tattoos on my dick.” 

“Well that’s a relief,” you said, finally looking back at him and letting your hand drop back into your lap. “It’d be excessive if you did.” 

Noah was certainly in a teasing mood. You liked it, but in the back of your mind, a nagging thought tugged at you and whispered of danger . 

“It is pierced though.” 

“Noah!” You sat there, mouth agape while Noah’s held his composure. You blinked at him a few times, before shaking your head. “You know what? I don’t even want to know.” 

“You sure?” he asked, raising his eyebrows. “It’s quite impressive.” 

You held up a hand in refusal. “I’m good, thanks.” 

Noah grinned, clearly enjoying how flustered he was making you. 

“Wanna see it?” he asked. 

“What? No!” you said, feeling your neck grow warm. You half-hid your face in your hands, as if at any moment, it would show itself. You weren’t ready to see that much of him. You liked that he was talking about it, and you liked the flirtation, but that was too much too soon. 

“Liar,” he said. 

“It sounds like you want me to want to see it,” you said, calling his persistence to attention. He needed to be batted away, you could tell. 

He paused, not knowing what to say and then grinned, resuming his swaying. 

“In my defense,” he said. “Any guy would want that.” 

“Not any guy,” you replied. “Not all guys like women.” 

He rolled his eyes. “You know what I meant.” 

The conversation dissolved into the two of you grinning at each other, both enjoying each other’s company without needing to fill it with words. 

“You don’t actually have it pierced, do you?” you asked, finally, curiosity getting the better of you. 

“No,” he said, looking down sheepishly. “I used to, but it got infected and I had to take it out.” 

“Are you serious?” You asked in disbelief. He nodded. “How did it get infected?” 

“Because I was a disgusting teenager who didn’t clean his shit,” he said with a laugh.  

You frowned. “Gross.” 

“You’re telling me!” his hand came up to scrub over his face, and you were struck by just how long and beautiful his fingers were. 

The thought of them inside you flashed in your mind before you could catch it and your breathing picked up. You tried to squash the thought from taking over but ended up failing and the image morphed to him wrapping his long fingers around your wrists and pinning them above your head. 

You shook your head, trying to rid yourself of the picture. It wouldn’t be productive to think of him that way. Plus, you’d just talked about how objectification wasn’t morally right. 

“What are you thinking about?” he asked. 

“Nothing,” you said, a little too quickly and defensively. He smiled out of the corner of his mouth. 

“It was my dick, wasn’t it?” He said it flatly, as if he’d already caught you in the act. 

“Was not,” you said, though he was on the right track. 

“That’s so rude, lusting after me without my permission,” he teased. Sure, he was feigning offense, but his voice was just a bit lower now. He crossed his arms over his chest. “Don’t you know that’s a sin?” 

“Okay, I’m hanging up,” you threatened, reaching for your phone.

“Wait!” he rushed. “Don’t go.” 

You lingered, waiting to see what he would come up with to convince you to stay. 

“I was just kidding,” he said. “Besides, you already have my permission.” 

“I don’t…,” you began, about to deny having pictured him like that, but thought better of it. Noah would have seen right through you. “When did you give me permission?” you asked. You thought you would have remembered a conversation like that. 

He rolled his head down to look at you from under his eyebrows, unamused. “It was implied.” 

“At what point was it implied?” you asked, brows crinkling together.

Noah rolled his eyes and sighed dramatically to emphasize his exasperation. “You know, you’re really going to have to learn how to pick up on subtle hints one of these days and stop making everyone spell it out for you.” 

“Or you could just be direct with what you mean.” You’d meant it as an off-hand remark, but when you looked at Noah, you realized it’d hit home with him. 

He opened his mouth, starting to say something but then shut it again, pursing his lips and humming. 

“Nobody’s ever asked me to do that.” 

“To be direct?” you said, leaning forward to rest your elbows on your knees. You found it hard to believe. 

“Yeah,” he said. You searched his face to see if there was any hint as to what he was thinking. You found none. 

“So does everyone else just? What?” you said. “Try to read your mind?” 

“Honestly? Yeah, kind of. More or less,” he said with a shrug, and you had to scoot back on your bed to process. Did people truly pay that much attention to him? Hyperfocusing on his body language and trying to infer what he was thinking and feeling? 

“Doesn’t that get confusing?” you asked. “I feel like it could lead to a lot of mixed signals.” 

He tilted his head from side to side, stretching his neck and you heard the crackling sound emanating from the joints. The deep crunch sent shivers down your spine. 

“Yeah,” he said, lifting his shoulders and dropping them a couple times to shake out any tension. Finally, he stilled and looked back at the camera, placing an elbow on his desk and resting his chin in his palm. “But it’s scary to be direct with what you want, don’t you think?” 

“I suppose,” you said, thinking back to your interactions with Isaac and Noah. You hadn’t been direct with either of them, so you could understand where he was coming from. It was intimidating. 

But something told you that if you wanted to get anywhere, you had to start asking for what you wanted. And demanding the same of others. 

You asked him first. 

“What do you want, Noah?” 

His eyes flicked down to his desk, then back up to you. He held eye contact, brows narrowing, breathing deeply in and out and sucking on the inside of his cheek while he considered the question. Finally he sighed. 

“Are you sure you want the truth?” he asked, voice taking on a new, unfamiliar tone—one that rumbled in his chest and hinted at what was to come. 

“Go ahead.” 

He cocked his head to the side. “Right now, what I really want is to know if you’ve thought about me.” 

You inhaled a shuddering breath, core pulsing around nothing and skin flushing. 

You had asked the question, but you weren’t ready for him to be that direct. You’d expected him to do what he normally did and beat around the bush, hiding his true intentions behind humor and teasing. You didn’t think he’d actually put it out there in the open.  

“In what context?” you asked, just to be sure. And maybe also to bide some time.

His eyes, which had been resting lower on the screen, flicked up to the camera. “Don’t play coy. You know what context.” His voice was low and commanding, impatient with your feeble attempts to avoid answering. 

“Right,” you said, nodding. You swallowed thickly. Noah had laid down his armor, showing unexpected vulnerability like you had asked. It was your turn. 

“So do you?” he asked, brow raised. 

You waited a few moments, stomach twisting uncomfortably while you gathered the courage to answer. 

“Yes.” 

“How often?” he asked, eyes growing darker. 

You kept your breathing even as you answered. “A few times.” 

More than a few. You’d been imagining him in various scenarios since your conversation on the altar steps all those weeks ago. His hands holding you down by your wrists or wrapped around your throat. His long fingers in your mouth. In other places….

“Did you touch yourself?” he asked. 

You blinked, cheeks heating in both shame and desire. This was a big thing to ask you to admit, but deep down, a long-buried part of you wanted him to know. You were ready for him to know. 

“Yes.” 

“How?” he asked, never once breaking eye contact. His questions came at you rapidly, like he was trying to throw you off balance. 

You shook your head, recognizing you’d reached a limit. “That’s private,” you said, and he nodded, sucking air through his teeth while he figured out which angle to approach from next. 

“What do you want?” he asked. 

Good question. “I haven’t figured that out yet,” you said, unmoving. 

You were determined to continue the conversation, but it took all your focus to not shy away or lose your composure. Your heart beat rapidly, threatening to pound out of your chest. 

You knew you were ready to let go of some of this religious guilt that has been holding you back. You were ready to start exploring your sexuality, and you wanted it to be with Noah, but there was that tiny part in the back of your head that whispered what if. 

What if the church was right? What if I’m being led into temptation? What if I go to Hell? 

“Do you want me?” 

You shook your head, ridding yourself of the thoughts.  

“Yes.” You answered firmly, and you had a feeling Noah already knew. 

He tapped his fingers against his chin, pointer finger coming to rub at a dry flake of skin on his lower lip. Your eyes followed the movement, and he caught it. 

“You’re asking what I want?” he clarified. 

“Yes,” you said. 

He licked his lips, letting his teeth drag against the bottom one as he released it slowly. Squaring his shoulders, he exhaled heavily through his nostrils. 

“I want you to touch yourself.” 

Your heart hammered against your ribcage. 

“What? Like now?” you asked. The words came out choked, your throat dry. 

He nodded. “And I want you to think of me while you do it.” 

You paused, warmth pooling between your legs. You pressed your thighs together to relieve some of the pressure. His eyes flicked down to them, and you noticed just how exposed you suddenly felt. 

“One sec,” you said and heaved yourself off your bed and repositioned yourself at your desk, mirroring Noah’s posture. He frowned briefly when he realized he could no longer see all of you. 

“What do you think about” he asked again, “when you think about me?”

You were delving into new territory. You’d never confessed anything like this to anyone before, and the thought of opening up like this both thrilled and terrified you. But you couldn’t deny the affect his questions had on you.  

“Your fingers,” you said. 

The finger that had been rubbing at his lower lip paused. His eyes dropped down to it, and then back to the screen. His finger resumed, and you knew he was doing it on purpose. 

“Where?” he asked. His eyes were darker, voice gruffer. He held an intensity you’d only seen once back at his studio, right before he’d tried to kiss you. 

“In my mouth,” you said. Truthfully, you wanted his fingers in many places. In you. On you. Around you, but the sight of his index finger running across his lower lip captivated you and all you wanted was to wrap your lips around it. 

It might have been subconscious, the way his tongue briefly flicked over the pad of his finger. Then again, he may have been teasing you on purpose. He replaced his index finger with his thumb, dragging his lower lip down so you could see the bottom row of his teeth and you had to swallow the excess saliva that had pooled on your tongue. 

“If I was there, you’d have them wherever you wanted,” he said, and flames erupted between your thighs. An itch that demanded to be scratched. Tension that pleaded to be soothed. Without meaning to, your hand traveled below your desk to apply pressure to the throbbing area. 

“Are you doing it?” he asked, pulling at the skin of his lower lip. 

You didn’t have to ask what he was referring to. 

“Yeah.” 

The thumb that had been tugging at his lower lip released. His lip sprang back into place as his eyes widened. “Can I see?” 

You shook your head. “Not yet.” 

“Why not?” he asked. He stared at the screen, mouth slightly open and teeth pressing into the corner of his bottom lip. You desperately wanted to taste him. 

“It’s private,” you said, and he pouted, bobbing his head up and down in a sign of begrudging understanding. 

“I suppose I’ll allow that.” 

“Oh you’ll allow it?” you said, eyebrows lifting. You liked that he acted entitled to you. Something about it made it just a little bit harder for you to breathe, but he couldn’t know that. His ego would run away with the knowledge. 

“I’ll allow it,” he repeated low, devilish grin on his face, and oh you liked that. As much as you pretended to be annoyed, you needed him to possess you. 

You noticed his shoulder shifting on the screen. “Are you?”

He nodded. “For a while now,” he answered. 

“Since when?” 

“How long has this call been going on?” he asked. “About that long.” 

You barked out a laugh, amused but not surprised, considering how much he’d talked about his dick already. You watched his shoulder moving, imagining what was going on just below the end of your screen. 

“Have you ever thought of me while touching yourself?” you asked. 

“What do you think?” He said it as if the question itself had been an insult to his libido. 

Your insides rolled and swelled with pride. The hunger for him evolved into something more ravenous, and you pressed harder into yourself with your fingers, stroking yourself over the soft cotton of your shorts. A small whimper left you and you hoped he couldn’t hear it. 

“What do you think about?” you asked. 

“Hmmm,” he sighed, and you thought it was probably the most attractive sound you’d ever heard. You wanted to pull that sound out of him again. “Should I tell you? Would it be too much for your virgin ears?” 

You waited for him to be done teasing. When he realized you weren’t going to react, he relented. 

“Ever since you mentioned you thought about being tied up, I’ve been thinking about that.” 

“Yeah?” you asked, fingers picking up pace to match the shifting of his shoulder. You wanted him to tie you up. You wanted him to want to tie you up. 

“Yeah,” he breathed. His words came out differently. Not his normal voice, but something breathier and more needy. “I’d tie you down so you couldn’t move. Force your legs apart and bury my face in your pussy.” 

Shit. You gasped softly, cheeks burning under his gaze. The friction over the clothes wasn’t enough anymore and you had to dip your hands under your waistband, closing your eyes and melting into the sensation. 

“Are you picturing it,” he asked. 

“Yes,” you breathed. 

“Good. Imagine it’s me touching you.” 

You did exactly that, pulling your lip between your teeth and biting hard on it to give yourself something to fixate on. You could feel Noah’s eyes boring into you through the screen and you couldn’t look at him, too ashamed of your own desires. 

Noah didn’t allow that for long though. 

“Open your eyes,” he commanded. “Look at me while you fuck yourself.” 

Jesus. Your cheeks seared with the vulgarity of his commands, but you did your best to hold eye contact. His eyes were dark, irises blown wide with lust and jaw set hard in determination. 

His right shoulder tensed and shook with vigor and you’d have given anything to see what was happening under the desk.  

“What are you thinking about?” you asked, finally giving in and massaging your aching breasts with the hand that wasn’t currently inside you. 

This, you allowed Noah to witness. 

“Thinking about those tits in my mouth,” he said, voice low and gravelly. 

Your chest heated with the thought of it, breath coming out in pants. “Wish you could do that right now.” 

“There’s a lot I wish I could do right now.” The words were strained. Whiny. Needy, even and you needed to hear him make those sounds again. 

“Tell me,” you whimpered. “Please?” Your back arched off the chair and your eyes closed on their own accord. 

“Not unless you keep looking at me.” Your eyes snapped open. He stared at you intently, almost angrily in his efforts. “Keep those fucking eyes on me,” he ordered through gritted teeth. 

Hearing Noah speak to you like that was a new experience. He’d never taken that tone with you before and you couldn’t deny what it did to you. You grew wetter around your fingers, pace growing sloppy. 

“Need to see your tits.” 

You whined, wanting him to continue dictating his fantasies, but Noah wouldn’t budge. 

Slowly, you lifted your shirt high enough to uncover your breasts, tucking the hem between your teeth to keep it in place, but you kept your hand over your nipples to block his view. 

“Move the hand,” he commanded through gritted teeth. The veins in his neck began to pop. 

“Not until you tell me more,” you mumbled past the fabric.

Noah worked his jaw muscle while he stared down at your bare breasts, left shoulder tensed with how hard he was working himself. 

“Well right now, you’re cocky, so I wish I could wrap my hands around that throat until you drop the attitude.”

You flushed even more at his admission, but you weren’t going to give him the satisfaction of knowing how much he affected you. You bit harder into the hem of your shirt, smiling past the fabric. “Fat chance.” 

He inhaled deeply through his nose, a muscle in his temple throbbing. You liked this—making him angry. Testing his patience. You wanted to see how he’d react if you pushed him more. 

“Watch your mouth,” he said. 

“Or what?” 

“Oh, so that’s how it’s gonna be?” he said, struggling to keep his voice even. “I had a feeling you were a brat.” You grinned, feeling seen. “Talk all you want, but you won’t be so cocky when I have you in person.” 

God , you wanted that. You wanted him there, in person. On top of you. Inside you. You wanted his mouth on yours, all tongue and teeth and desire. 

“You think so?” 

“Oh, I know so.” His voice came out more strained than ever. 

“Yeah? What would you do?” 

“Smack your ass, for one.” 

“Oh?” You taunted. “Daddy gonna give me a spanking?” 

Noah’s movements faltered and you worried you pushed him too far in your teasing. He looked at you, mouth opening and closing a few times, and you were about to apologize. Then he resumed his movements at nearly double his previous pace. 

“You can’t just say shit like that,” he said, breaking character into something much more genuinely Noah . The sound of skin slapping against skin echoed from beneath his desk. 

“What’d I do?” you asked, hand speeding up to match his movements.

“You know what you did.” 

Your mouth fell open. Your shirt fell, bunching over your collarbone. “Daddy? That’s what does it for you?” 

“That,” he said, “among other things. Uncover your nipples.”  

You did as you were told, allowing your breasts to fall naturally. You rocked your hips into your hands and Noah watched your tits bounce with the movement, tongue darting out to wet his lower lip. 

“Are you serious?” you said. 

“Don’t kink shame me.” 

You curled your lip into a smirk, a deep need to test his patience again settling over you. 

“Why not… Daddy? Something wrong, Daddy? ” you teased, softening your voice and pitching it up to feign innocence. “Please tell me. I wanna be a good girl for you.” 

You could see a vein popping in Noah’s forehead. His face had grown an angry shade of red. “I know you’re trying to be a bitch right now,” he muttered through gritted teeth, “but this is actually working. Keep going.”

You pouted. “Well now I don’t wanna.” 

Another lie. You did want to, but you didn’t want to give in to him. 

Noah sighed and then chuckled. “I really fuckin’ hate you sometimes, do you know that?” 

You laughed, warmth spreading through your belly. Somehow his vitriol sent you further towards your end. “Good.” 

He made a gruff noise and grinned like the devil. 

You were about to respond, but your body chose that moment to betray you and instead offered up a whimper. 

“Noah, I think I’m close.” 

He groaned. “Can you hold out a little longer? I’m almost there.” 

“Hurry,” you whined, screwing your eyes shut tight. 

“Oh no,” he growled. “You look at me when you come.” 

Forcefully, you wrenched your eyes open, staring at him in want. He looked at you like a man starved, as if he could devour your entire body in one go. 

Your fingers squelched loudly inside you, and you were sure Noah could hear, but he continued to look at you, unblinking as he watched your face heat up with impending climax. 

“Fuck, I’m close,” he muttered. You keened, rubbing fast circles into your clit with one hand and pumping your others inside yourself, picturing him touching you. Thinking about just how deep inside you he could get with those long, beautiful fingers. 

“Shit, shit, shit,” he hissed, brows pinching together and jaw set tight. “Ready?” 

You nodded, feeling your body hurling towards its climax. 

“Come,” he commanded. 

Your entire body tensed, tightened, and then pulsed, releasing waves of vibrations radiating out from your center. You let out a pathetic whimper, fighting against every fiber in your being to not close your eyes. 

Noah’s mouth dropped open. His body spasmed, pitching forward against his desk, vein in his temple throbbing and nostrils flaring. He let out a breathy whine and gritted his teeth, sucking air in through them. 

“Fuck!” he spat, body tense and rigid. And then he collapsed backward into the chair.  

Noah laid there, panting on the other side of the screen, mouth open, staring at you. He finally broke eye contact to drop his head back and close his eyes while he waited to catch his breath. His lips pressed together and his adam’s apple bobbed up and down as he swallowed the excess saliva that had collected in his mouth. 

“Good job,” he muttered to the air above him. 

“Thank you,” you whispered, still coming down from your own high. And you meant it. That was the first time you’d reached orgasm without being overcome or interrupted by guilt. 

“Don’t mention it.” 

You felt no guilt now. Only gratitude. It fell from your lips in a stream of thankyous, and when you finally took your eyes off the camera, tears began to leak out. Not in the way they had done in the past, when you were overcome with anxiety and shame. 

These were tears of joy. You’d managed to show up for your body, and it was grateful to you.

After several moments of basking in afterglow, you looked back over to the screen. Noah was in a catatonic state. His chest rose and fell with his breaths, but his eyes remained closed and he kept silent. 

“How you doing over there?” you asked and he brought a finger up to his mouth to shush you. 

“Give me a second.” 

You smiled, pulling your shirt back down over your chest and shaking out the cramp in your hand. You took your phone back in your hands, unscrewing the cap to the water bottle it had been propped up against and drank deeply. 

“Should I leave you to it, then?” you asked. 

“Thank you for that,” he whispered. “I needed it.” 

“Same here,” you said, settling back down into the bed and stretching out. “I feel like I could fall asleep right now.” 

“Should I let you?” he asked, eyes still closed. 

“You could sing me to sleep,” you suggested. 

“That’s third date shit,” he said, swallowing thickly once again. 

“Suit yourself,” you said with a shrug. “That was nice. I’d like to do it again sometime.” 

“Yeah,” he agreed. “Yeah.” 

Recognizing he was in no state to make conversation anymore, you made the executive decision to end the call. 

“I’m gonna hit the hay,” you said. “Talk to you later?” 

“Yeah,” he said for the third time in a row. “Sounds good. Sleep tight. And thanks for that.” 

You chuckled lowly, watching the gentle rise and fall of his chest. The sharp angle of his nose as he breathed. The flutter of his eyelashes against his cheekbone. The furrow in his brow. You allowed yourself a few uninterrupted moments to indulge in the sheer beauty that was Noah in this state. 

“Goodnight,” you said. 

“Goodnight,” he whispered. 

You ended the call, the vision of his fucked-out face burned into your retinas. It was the only thing you thought of as you drifted off to sleep. Click to be added to the Taglist

@reyadawn @sundamariis @noahsebastions @cyber-tiny @livingdeceasedgirl @just-randomm-stuff @xxkittenkissesxx @treacheryinblue @flowerynerds @1toreyouapart @badomensls @rain-down-on-me @iluvmewwwww75 @poisongirl616 @gravitysembrace @spookychaosstranger

[dsireland86]

BEAUTIFUL THINGS

A little Noah fluff that came to me this morning after seeing this picture. He really is such a beautiful thing, and hope the person who finds him appreciates and loves him the way he's meant to be.

@thefallennightmare @lma1986 @foliosgirl @xxkittenkissesxx @concreteemo

Watching her with kids was like fairytale magic in the real world. She had this way about her that drew him in so close that at times, it hurt. She was kind, caring, and sweet, but mostly, she was honest; hardly ever masking her feelings just to please his ego. When she did, though, it was to protect him. You see, there was a small part of Noah he never knew existed until the day she showed up. It was a child like part of him who was always seeking what his life had been lacking all these years; love. Pure, resilient love that stuck around no matter how bad everything got. It was the kind of love that always brought out that smile in him. It was that kind of love that made Noah begin to see all the beautiful things that he had and was afraid to lose.

After sending the last little one out the door of the Pre-K room, she finally had a moment to fix her attention on Noah. He looked tired today. The slight purple and redness around his cinnamon eyes proved that. With his hands shoved inside the deep pockets of his tan hoodie, she knew from just one glance at Noah that the monkey on his back that tortured and teased him daily had been playing some real nasty ticks on him today. Flipping her "Please knock before entering" sign over, she closed the door and locked it, pulling the blind down over the window to give them a little more privacy.

"What is it today, love?" Her hands running up his chest and around his neck was enough alone to make his head spiral out of control. "It's nothing. Really. I'm good." He took a deep breath while shifting his body so she could snuggle in between his legs comfortably and wrap his long arms around her waist. "Noah, I can feel you're not tell me the truth." He grinned, huffing a slight little laugh. "It's nothing, Really." He slipped his large hand around her head, bringing their lips together for a brief moment. She tasted like watermelon and salt; her favorite snack. "You know I don't believe you, right?" Her voice was calm and soothing, instantly making him relax. He sighed "Why does that not surprise me," he laughed nervously. She smiled softly.

The moment her hands touch the skin of his back, Noah knew he was done for. He was about to tell her everything, releasing every fear, every anxious thought, and all the anger that had built up over the last thirteen hours. The monkey on his back wouldn't win today. "Jolly and I got into a fight, Matt's pissed at equipment that suddenly quit working, Nick's got to fly home for a few days for some family stuff, and Folio, well it seems the only thing he has on his mind right now is fishing and motorcycles. He couldn't concentrate on shit today which only pissed Matt off even more." Noah exhaled the breath he didn't realize he was holding. She hummed, dragging her fingertips up his back before gently raking her nails right back down, repeating this a few times over and over until Noah slumped forward, laying his forehead on her shoulder.

"You realize that none of it, except maybe the fight with Jolly, which was possibly more of a disagreement than a fight, is out of your control, right? Noah, look at me." She took his face between her hands and brought it up so she could find his eyes. They were filled with remorse mixed with a little worry and sadness. Brushing the lose tendrils of dark hair out of his eyes, she ran her thumbs over his lips, resting them there for a brief moment. Noah wrapped his hands around her wrists, bringing on her hands to his cheek, where she willingly placed it and he leaned into it, rubbing his skin against hers. Her touch was everything to him. It healed him in ways nothing else could. "You, my love, are one man. You can't do it all nor can you put the responsibility of others actions on your shoulders. You can't control them, Noah. All you can do is control how you respond to them. Stop putting the burden of other people's problems on your shoulders. Stop trying to bare it all; you were never meant to."

She was right. She was always right. That's why Noah loved her. He nodded, letting her know he understood. "I know. Sometimes, though, it's easier said than done, Princess." Grinning at his nickname for her, she pulled his face close to hers and claimed his lips, taking her time to feel them move against hers and relish in the warm taste of his tongue on hers. It made her weak and dizzy. It made her willing to give into every want and desire of his. Noah's hands found her face, wrapping around the sides of it as their kiss deepened, sending shockwaves and images of what it was going to feel like when he finally got her completely alone tonight. Their kiss slowed, the power to control their urges taking over, an they parted just enough to give the appropriate space. "I know what you mean. The lives some of these babies have to live is heartbreaking. If I had my way, I'd adopt every single one of them that are in foster care. No child deserves to live the way some of them are forced to. But I can't change any of it. I can only be the change they need while they're here in this room with me. That's all the power I have."

Noah took a deep breath, feeling much better already. He always did when he was honest with her about how he was feeling. "You'd adopt them, huh?" He wondered if her confession was real or just metaphorical. "What?" He watched her gather up the necessary items needed for home. "You said if you had your way you'd adopt every single one of them that are in foster care. Would you really?" She grinned, sliding the book inside her tote bag. "Well, obviously I couldn't adopt all of them, but yes, I've though about what it would be like to adopt a child." They'd been trying for two years to get pregnant with no luck. Noah often wondered if infertility was the problem. They'd talked about having kids often and knew how much she was longing to become a mother herself. He wanted to give her that more than he wanted anything else in the world.

Taking his hand and walking out of the classroom, they walked down the hall of the small Pre-k/ daycare building. Waving and saying good-bye, Noah watched how much she glowed when asked about how some of the kids were today. She was excited and eager to tell anyone who would listen. Besides him, Noah knew children were her biggest love. Walking across the parking lot to their cars, she sensed there was something heavy on his mind. "What is it, love?" He looked over at her, only to find her staring up at him quizzically. He caressed her cheek and kissed her sweetly. "Let's go home." Her eyes narrowed, but she agreed. Before they climbed into their cars, Noah stopped her. "I think we should adopt a child," he blurted out suddenly, causing her head to snap up faster than a bolt of lightning. "What?" Noah was shaking, wondering if he should repeat what he'd just confessed. But, from the way her soft green eyes danced at him and that precious smile of hers lingered in the corner of her lips, he knew he should. "I think we should adopt a child. I think we're both ready, and since it hasn't happened naturally for us, yet," putting a strong emphasis on yet, "I think adopting would be the next best thing."

Watching Noah tap his fingers on the hood of his car, confessing to her about wanting to have a child was the last thing she ever expected to come out of him today. But it was the best, most electrifying thing she had ever heard him say besides "marry me." Waiting for her to answer was like waiting for rain to fall during a drought. Noah's heart was pounding and he suddenly found himself on the brink of nausea from the worry quickly spreading through his body.

"Okay. Let's adopt a child." Hiding her excited smile was impossible. "Really?" Noah's eyes widened in surprise. "Really?" He laughed nervously, again, unable to believe she was actually agreeing. "Really!' Her excitement was contagious. "Alright!" Noah tapped his hand on the hood. "Alright," she parroted him. "Let's go home and figure out where to start." "Absolutely! Chinese on the way home?" "Mmm, I'm more in Ramen kind of mood tonight. I'll call it in." Here mischievous grin made Noah laugh. He was willing to get her favorite food for dinner, but she was adamant about getting his.

She showed Noah all the wonderful things life had to offer, yet she was the most beautiful thing ever. She was his world. She was his everything; next to her mother. With his daughter and wife beside him, Noah knew he would be okay, not matter what the monkey on his back told him or tried to do to him. He wouldn't break. He would fight. He would risk it all. He had a reason to. Every night he begged God not to take the beautiful things that he loved, and so far, well so far he and God were finally in agreement.

[thefallennightmare]

Just Pretend-ten

*gif created by me. feel free to use, simply give credit*

Parings: Noah Sebastian x Musician! Reader

Warnings/Tropes: language, angst, fluff, smut, star-crossed lovers, right person/wrong time, cheating, talks of mental abuse.

Summary: “I can wait for years, heaven knows I’m not getting over you.” A story about two star-crossed lovers, that always find their way back because their souls are entwined. The universe desperately attempts to bring them together, no matter what the cost.

Authors Note: I don't think you guys understand how broken this gif made us. Fuck, creating it killed me! Also, during the hotel scene, listen to snuff by slipknot. It's on the playlist! Some eggs from other songs on the playlist throughout the chapter as well! Enjoy my loves!

Collaborating With: @thescarlettvvitch(better give her all the love as well)

Tags: @thescarlettvvitch @ozwriterchick @waake-meee-up @notingridslurkaccount @niicoleleigh @sammyjoeee @xxrainstorm @dominuslunae @notmaddihealy @malice-ov-mercy @crimson-calligraphyx @iknownothingpeople @writethrough @thebadchic @blackveilomens Claudia on Tumblr @tobe-written @blacksoul-27 @loeytuan98 @loverofagoodbeard @comfortcharactercraze @lma1986 @plutonikchaos1 @spicywhenspeaking @lyschko666 @somewhere-diamond @hi-fancy-seeing-you-here

NICK R.

My heart raced as Jolly and I met each other in the dimly lit hotel hallway, sleep still heavy in our eyes and bones. When he called me a few minutes ago, I rushed out of bed where I was crashing in Matt’s room and knew that it could have been about one thing.

Noah.

“What happened?” I asked.

Jolly ran a hand over his exhausted face. “I don’t know. I haven’t walked inside yet and I’m afraid of what I’m going to see.”

“Y/N. He kicked me out earlier tonight because she was coming by,” I said, remembering suddenly.

“Shit,” Jolly cursed before nodding behind me towards Folio. “No matter what we walk into, we don’t judge him. Whatever happened fucked him up enough that he needs to write a song at three in the morning.”

Folio agreed. “How bad is he?”

I shrugged. “I guess we’ll see.”

Jolly turned towards the door and knocked gently.

“Yeah.”

The voice that called back was not Noah; this voice sounded broken, and distant, with the single word that was uttered.

“It’s me,” Jolly spoke through the door.

Realizing that Noah was most likely not in a state to answer the door, I handed Jolly my room key and we all sucked in a breath when the light on the lock turned green; us walking into the room one at a time. There was music playing, soft beats echoing off the wall, and I hoped no one would complain to the front desk about the noise.

My bed was still as I left it but Noah’s bed was disheveled with a pair of underwear that clearly weren’t his and a small piece of what I expected was a condom wrapper. Noah’s original clothes from earlier that evening were on the floor at the edge of the bed.

Shit.

Noah was on the floor leaning against the wall with a bottle of Hennessy in hand, more than half gone, and his hair was in a disarray of braids.

“Noah,” Jolly said quietly while bending down in front of him.

He waved a hand in front of his face as his head bobbed slowly. “I’m good, man. I just wanted to get this beat down. It’s in my head.”

“She wouldn’t stay, would she?” I questioned while motioning towards the bed.

“Didn’t need to. Jus’ friends. ‘S’all it’s come to. She didn’t need to and I don’t really fucking care. I don’t. No sweat off ma back,” he finished the rest of the bottle before letting it slip from his fingers. “I’m fine. F.I.N.E.”

The three of us shared a painful wince as he spelled out the word two more times.

As if whoever was watching over us from above, just then that specific song by Too Close To Touch came blasting through the small portable speaker Noah always brought with.

“See?” Noah pointed to the air around him. “Even fucking Keaton is telling you guys I’m fine.”

But then, he slammed his head against the wall behind him as his bottom lip trembled, his chest caving in at hearing his best friend's voice play throughout the room. Noah was only rubbing more salt in his wounds and fuck, they burned.

“Why the fuck aren’t you here, man?” he choked out. “You knew her better than us. What did I do? Why’d she leave?”

Keaton’s name felt like ice in our hearts and I knew it was a stabbing pain through Noah’s chest.

“Whatever,” Noah grumbled, wiping angrily at his face. “Her decision; bad decision. Fuck her. I need to write.”

“Noah, come on, don’t say shit you’re gonna regret,” Folio spoke. “You can’t write when you’re drunk. You know that.”

“M’not. She jus’ my good friend. I fucking knew I wasn’t enough for her.”

He was far gone, not even realizing that Folio and I stood behind Jolly, our own somber expressions weighing heavily on our faces.

Finally, his eyes opened and when he saw all three of us, Noah groaned.

“Oh, great ya called them?” He pointed towards us. “I don wanna hear I told you so, erm stubborn. Yadayadsa.”

His words slurred together, stumbling over his tongue.

Folio peered around the room, counting the empty bottles. “I’m counting two.”

“Yeah,” I nodded. “Apparently he’s been sitting here awhile.”

“You know I can’t stay; you deserve better than me,” Noah chuckled, imitating Y/N’s voice.

Jolly peered over his shoulder at us and his lips were pulled in a tight line, all of us thinking the same thing.

“Noah” I sighed with my hands on my hips.

His head snapped up, eyes red with tears so close to falling but they wouldn’t. Noah was always in control of his emotions; he refused to cry in front of us.

“She told me what I felt, she told me what I wanted and what I didn’t. Didn’t give me a fucking say about anything before she walked the fuck out. Left. Gone,” he rambled on.

“She’s going through-,” Folio started.

“Fuck that,” Noah seethed with clenched fists in his lap. “I don’-don’t care right now, in this moment. She fucking stole my heart and took it with ‘er. Jus’ friends.”

The last two words sounded bitter on his tongue, like acid.

While we let him wallow in the pain, I motioned for Jolly and Folio to walk to the other side of the room, out of earshot from Noah.

“Should we ask Malcom or Chase what the fuck happened?” Jolly asked.

“Do you think she told them?” Folio wondered.

I shrugged while crossing my arms over my chest. “I don’t doubt that. She likes him, we know she does. It’s clear.”

“Then why did she leave?” Jolly questioned, his own pain for Noah making his jaw clench. “What the fuck happened to make her leave?”

I gazed over to Noah, my heart falling into my stomach at the broken sight of my brother. “He jumped. He jumped but Y/N wasn’t there yet.”

The three of us made a quick plan of action before Jolly and Folio went to help Noah up off the floor, his limp body dragging on the floor.

“Noah let’s get into bed,” Folio suggested.

“No. I need to finish this beat, and these fuckin’ lyrics in my head,” he pushed himself away from them, standing on two shaky feet but standing. He smacked his forehead over and over.

Jolly nodded. “We will, but first you need to get some sleep.”

He glared at the bed in front of him, a mess of the decision they made together.

“…the pillow.. she was on that one,” Noah pointed. “It smells like that fucking perfume, I don-wanna inhale that shit right now.”

There was so much venom in his voice when he spoke about Y/N and there was a part of me that hoped this wouldn’t last long. He had every right to be upset with her; he gave her his heart, and she walked away.

“Alright, then let’s get you some sleep in mine,” I said.

He licked his lips, an unreadable look flashing in bloodshot eyes. “I still fucking taste her. It’s a poison that I should have fucking avoided.”

“Can’t help you with that, brother,” Folio tried to joke.

No one laughed

“No. I need to finish this-,” Noah stumbled over to his suitcase to snatch a piece of paper and pen, something he always kept on him.

I stepped in front of him to hold him steady, his heart beating rapidly in his chest. It was as if it was trying to break free to chase after Y/N; just for her to stomp on it again.

No, I shook my head, you can’t let your own anger deter you from trying to fix Noah. You can be angry about the situation but not her. It’s no one's fault.

“You don’t like to write when you’re not home,” I tried to take the pen and paper away from him.

“I don’ care nicKLas.” He pushed past me to fall onto his bed, ass first on the pillow. “I have to, right now.”

Sensing the sudden thick tension, not knowing what the next thing would be that would set him off, Jolly gave a slow nod toward Noah.

“Alright. Let it go, man. Let us hear it.”

Even though they weren’t written down, Noah still burned his gaze into the empty page in front of him. Through the slurred words, the ache that poured out of him brought chills to my bones.

“How quick it gets lonely here at the top. Her skin feels unholy but I’m still drawn. The morals I’m holding, you know they’re gone.”

Fuck, that was good.

Noah’s eyes snapped over to us. “Why aren’t you helping me get down this beat?”

I held my arms out to the empty room. “We don’t have our stuff here Noah, this isn’t usually how we do this.”

“Fuck,” he ran a shaky hand over his chin. “Ok well then here! Voice clip it.”

While he tossed his phone to Jolly, who barely caught it in time, I gave Folio a look of luck before slipping out of the room, almost running into Matt who stood at the open doorway.

“Who the fuck is blasting Snuff by Slipknot at four in the morning?” He asked with fury.

No doubt someone called the front desk and complained who in turn complained to Matt.

“Woah, what the fuck is going on right now?” Matt took a tentative step into the room, eyeing the situation.

“Didn’t you hear, fucker?” Noah whipped his head towards us so fast, that the braids smacked around his face. “She ran away, she’s the fuckin same.”

He hiccuped a sob. “Angels lie to keep control.”

“Fuck's sake,” Jolly pinched his nose with a sigh.

I gave Matt’s shoulder a squeeze. “Just keep an eye on Noah, he’s not in a good place right now.”

“Fuck, don’t tell me-,” he stuffed his hands into the pocket of his sweater.

“Just- let me handle it man,” I slipped past him out of the room and quick steps took me to the elevator.

I bounced on the soles of my feet as I repeatedly pushed the down floor button and cursed when the doors finally opened. Blackness took over as I let the images of Noah sitting there broken carry me to the room, hand pounding on the door.

Time be damned. I couldn't care less if she was asleep right now. How could she be asleep while my best friend, my brother, was fucking dying on the inside?

Not again. I refused to let him sink for another.

“Nick?” Chase squinted with the sudden light blasting in from the hallway. “Everything alright?”

“Where is she?”

He continued to stare at me with narrowed eyes. “Who? Y/N?”

“Yes,” I nodded. “Is she here?”

I tried to peer past him but only saw someone with auburn curls walk behind Chase, leaving a gentle hand on his back. “What’s going on?”

“Nick’s looking for Y/N,” Chase informed Malcolm.

He stared at me confused. “Last I heard she was going to hang out with Noah. Did something happen?”

“What the fuck do you think?” I snapped but then let out a deep breath. “I’m sorry. I’m not trying to be an asshole but she left. Noah’s a fucking wreck. It seemed like they had a great time- so what’s the deal? I thought she cared for him. Why, why would she hurt my friend?”

I was the middle child, great at negotiating, great at being the middle man. The one who would try to settle things. I was on Noah’s side with this one, she’s my friend, but he’s my brother. Even I didn’t see this coming. I tried to remain neutral when I asked them and tried not to look annoyed.

“Dude- she does, she cares for him a lot,” Malcolm spoke while tying up his curls. “Noah makes her so happy. We haven’t seen her glow like that in years, I just- I don’t know. We don’t know why she would leave. Unless…”

Chase quickly pushed Malcolm back into the room slightly. “Dude, no. That’s not our business to tell. She has to be the one to decide.”

“What?!” I asked.

They knew something, and I needed to know; right now.

“That’s her business, not ours,” Chase said, rubbing his head.

“What?,” I scoffed. “Is she fucking dying or something? Is she okay?”

“No, no, she’s fine. All I’ll say is she does things in her life that can require extra attention. But like I said, that’s not for us to discuss, even with you man, sorry,” he pauses and says again. “Is he- is Noah alright?”

“Honestly? No. He isn’t, he’s drunk and writing right now. He’s gonna feel like hell when we have to leave for the airport in a few hours.”

Malcolm sighed. “I’m sorry dude. When Y/N comes back, we’re going to have to have a long talk. We know she cares for your friend, Nick. Her heart is in the right place- we just don’t know where the hell her mind is. We’ll figure it out.”

I nod and smile slightly, in agreement. My eyes want to convey a lot more. Y/N’s a good person, but she broke my friend's heart tonight. This is why I was so hesitant about this relationship with him and Y/N. I warned Noah not to jump yet, but he did.

All I could do right now until she came back was nod a quick thanks to them and hope that Y/N would confide in them. I wanted to fix my friend's broken soul so often, and so often I tried and succeeded. I wasn’t sure I could with this one- I needed to let them go through this on their own. But I’ll be damned if I let my friend suffer.

“Alright well, let me know what you find out, please.”

“Absolutely, anytime man. We’ll talk,” Chase reassured with a nod, Malcolm bumping fists with mine.

When I made it back to Noah’s room, I noticed the guys huddled around Noah’s slumped body in the bed, clutching the pillow Y/N laid on close to his chest, snoring loudly, and another empty bottle of Hennessy next to him.

“Shit,” I breathed. “Another one?”

Matt sighed defeated. “We tried, man. But his strength when he’s drunk and angry is something not to mess with. You know that.”

I nodded because I knew that. All too well.

“He only fell asleep about five minutes ago. I don’t know how we’re going to get him up in two hours so we can make our flights,” Folio wondered.

“We’ll figure it out,” I assured them. “Did he finish writing?”

“Yeah,” Matt slowly went towards the end of the bed, gently pulling the book from under Noah’s arm; pen falling from his hands.

“What does it say?” My brows raised as I took the paper in my hands; my brothers' broken words staring back at me.

Bitter ends to the nights. I’m along for the ride. Out of breath, out of time. Everything has a price. You can be all I got, what’s the difference? Hennessy and a lot of bad decisions. All I know, all I know is bad, bad decisions.

“Gotta admit, it’s fucking good,” Jolly said while he read the lyrics over my shoulder.

I bit my lip. “Yeah.”

Folio yawned loudly while stretching, exhausted body falling onto my bed. “Get ready boys because once we’re home, we won’t have a moment of peace. We’re writing a new record.”

NICK R.

You could cut the tension with a knife in this boarding gate right now.

The sun barely broke through the thick glass of the windows as Bad Omens and Hollow Souls sat on other ends of the gate, waiting for our flights to be called. With tired but intent eyes, I watched Noah as he kept his eyes cast down to his hands, fingers intertwining with each other as he picked away the black nail polish. It was as though it was his subconscious way of chipping pieces of Y/N away, the way he washed his hands in the restroom earlier, scrubbing her off him.

His nails were surely, going to bleed if he kept picking at them, I wanted to intervene, say stop that. I needed him to process his feelings. I so badly wanted to scream in this airport, wake the fuck up, to them both. But I kept my reservations.

And just like him, Y/N looked rough. It was clear neither of them, or well any of us got any sleep last night.

Where the fuck did they go so wrong together?

Noah had been a fan of hers ever since that night on my pull-out couch but the first time they met each other almost 2 months ago, their eyes were bright with a vibrant gaze. Almost like searchlights attempting to find something. The lights found it, but they were almost too intense, almost like bystanders. Through all the confusion, I knew deep within me it wouldn’t be long until the searchlights were searching again, just a matter of when.

Us?

We weren’t allowed to see what was being found. We should have looked away, and avoided the crash. But to see them now, those same eyes swollen, discolored and raw red, the blood vessels wanting to leave their faces made it harder to look away.

Noah ran a hand through his hair, now out of the braids and cascading around his shoulder, and let his eyes graze over towards Y/N, who was resting her head against Chase's shoulder. It was brief, the look of agony in them, but he looked away before she could catch him.

The airline called out for Vegas first; Chase and Y/N’s flight. Then our flight back home to LA was called out seconds later.

Those two sets of eyes, continue to gaze and plead and beg until their shoulders are tapped, Jolly to Noah and Chase to Y/N. As he stood, Noah adjusted the bag on his shoulder and waved his fingers in a peace sign toward the three members of Hollow Souls. This wasn’t how we wanted our new friendships and tour to end.

He wants to be in her life. He still does, otherwise, he wouldn’t have done that. I thought to myself as I noticed Y/N gave her one peace sign to all of us.

She’s sorry, she wants him in her life and regrets it.

I could fucking see it. This was going to be a long ride with these two.

As we all stood with our carry-on bags, ready to walk towards our gate, I gave Chase a knowing nod who immediately pulled out his phone, avoiding the eyes of Y/N, to send me a message.

I’ll tell you everything

Noah slept the entire flight, not speaking a word or even opening his eyes. Now, as we pulled up to the house he said with Jolly, Orie, Michael, and Jesse, Noah still had yet to say one word. Folio offered to stay with but we knew he had someone to meet back home in Virginia so we told him we had it from here.

“You sure?” Folio asked before we boarded the plane.

I nodded. “Yeah, go back to Virgina. Tell her we said hey.”

I, on the other hand, was a different story.

“I’m not going home right now,” I told Noah as I set my bags down in their living room. They had little extra space, but I didn’t care. I’d sleep on the couch as long as I was near my brother. “I won’t leave you in this state, Noah.”

“Nick, I’m a grown man. I’ll be alright,” he sighed while popping open the bottle of aspirin, and swallowing two pills dry.

For the hangover.

“I know you are,” I nodded. “Just let me be there for you, okay?”

NOAH

If it wasn’t terrible enough that not only did my fucking love life shut down, but the world had to as well?

Two months. It’s been almost two months since the tour ended and this pandemic took over the world, forcing us to stay stuck inside. While the rest of the guys went stir-crazy after the first few weeks, I spent the solace writing, drinking, and trying to forget about her.

The latter lasted only a few minutes once we returned home; her scent being stained into my skin, her touch engraved deep into my bones it made it hard to get out of bed. I see her in all my mirrors. Her reflection was haunting me relentlessly like a ghost.

Hennessy and Jack have become my friends in the last few weeks at home. I knew the guys were worried; I didn’t need them to worry. I was fine.

Y/N and I are friends.

Right, then how come you haven’t texted her in weeks?

Because she’s been busy with the move, I retorted back to my own thoughts.

Malcolm texted our Hollow Omens group chat to let us know that Y/N was settling in nicely in their new apartment in Los Angeles. We can come by anytime for a housewarming party but immediately I ignored that. Wouldn’t it be fucking awkward?

Trey wasn’t home when she and Chase showed up to pack her things so they could leave without incident.

Even with her cat Salem.

Chase sent a few pictures of the cat in the group chat, long black fur lying on his chest. I never responded, simply liking the messages before setting my phone on silent the rest of the night. I noticed that Y/N rarely ever responded in the chat as well, only when Chase or Malcolm would ask her something but she would only reply with emojis or a short ‘ok.’

The pandemic was only getting started and I could feel the suffocation kick in. I felt alone; utterly alone. I put all my heart into this one woman, a woman I yearned for, for a long time.

The loud ringing of the doorbell pulled me from my melancholy thoughts and I sighed, almost forgetting I ordered food an hour ago. I was in such a trance I hadn’t realized the noise of the loud bell eased me out of my rocking back and forth on the couch.

I didn’t even notice I did that.

I took a massive swig of my jack and clenched my teeth as it burned all the way down my throat, heart racing a mile a minute.

Calm down, calm down.

Time slowed, or passed by in a blaze? I wasn’t sure the longer I sat in the somewhat dark living room, open but untouched food container on the table in front of me as the chicken scratch of my handwriting teased back at me.

Why’s this always gotta happen to me? I should have known. I never fail to never learn from mistakes, still throwing stones. Blood signed, we made it a pact. Yours dried out; you took it back.

The alcohol was like battery acid as I took another large swing of Jack but it wasn’t kicking in strong enough. I kept swinging until the burn covered up my pain.

Harper’s soft whines from her perch next to me on the couch pulled at my heartstrings so knowing Orie wasn’t here, I fed her a few pieces of my cold dinner.

The front door opened, voices carrying from the entryway into the living room and my heart hammered with the panic of them seeing me like this. I hid the bottle under the pillow and tossed the small bag into the garbage from my food.

“Shit, Noah. Why are you sitting in the dark?” Jolly asked while turning on the lamp next to the sofa I was sitting on.

“Hi,” My voice was soft because now with the bright lights, the room was spinning.

“You working on another song?” He eyed the bottle that stuck out from behind the pillow, irritation in his eyes.

They matched my own.

I chewed roughly on my bottom lip. “Yes, man, what do you think?”

“Don’t be hostile, go eat and let me look over it,” Jolly motioned to my food while he reached for the pad of paper.

“You can’t just tell me what to do,” I snapped while reaching for it before he could.

“Noah, you gotta eat so you don’t get hungover. Let me look at the song,” he took the pad of paper and walked over to the other side of the room. Once he fell into the chair in the corner of the room, Jolly nodded up at me. “Fucking eat, Noah”

I sighed and grabbed my food to chew slowly, “Okay Dad”

Jesse stalked into the living room a few moments later while stuffing his phone into his pocket. “Nick said there might be news of the ban lifting completely by the end of the month. Which means we can get a change of scenery. Might be good for us.”

Holy Hades, this is one of those times I wished I lived alone.

Shortly after getting back home, the pandemic started and Nick ended up getting stuck with us in LA. He didn’t mind, more time for us to hang and chill, but now that procedures were lifting slowly at a time, he took the first opportunity to fly back to Virginia to get things settled there.

“Hey,” Jesse sat on the arm of Jolly’s chair. “Is this another song?”

Even though my head was throbbing with the ongoing hangover, I leaned back into the couch while nodding and Harper now rested her whole body in my lap. “It’s the third one.”

“Oh? Nice! Let me see” He began flipping through the pages.

Normally, I’d jump and take the book from his hands, but right now this room was in spirals. I was sick to my knees. All I wanted to do was call her, and have her tell me it’ll be fine. But I wasn’t ready to talk to her yet, and she wasn’t ready to talk to me either.

Clearly.

Malcolm texted me the other day, outside of the Hollow Omens group chat to tell me that Y/N wasn’t doing okay and she missed me. She wanted to talk to me and wanted us over one night when the bans were lifted. But if that was the truth, then how come the last text I had on my phone from her was right before she came to my hotel room that night?

Her unholy skin tasted like the forbidden fruit, all the morals we held that night gone. No gods, no religion. Just our bad decisions. Memories of the way she looked while on top of me burned into my brain and I couldn’t forget the way she felt coming undone.

It paralyzed me so much so that I left Malcolm on read for two days.

Thanks man, glad it worked out. Be in touch.

Snapping out of my drunken thoughts, I noticed Jesse was still reading the pages, not giving a damn I’m leaving my heart out on the table in front of him, bleeding all over while he was reading it.

“Bad Decisions. Nice,” Jesse nodded before flipping back to the new song I was working on. “Nowhere to go? Angsty. I like it.”

I shrugged and stopped mid-chew. “Yeah, I know. It’s what I do, Jesse.”

Arrogant? No, it was smart; I had to channel this shit somewhere. I knew this, no matter what, I’ll always write a fucking song. I wanted to panic, and I did, but the liquor was doing its job.

Jolly went to grab the guitar while Jesse moved to the couch, Harper now lying in his lap.

Traitor.

As I reached for the bottle of Jack this time, Jolly hastily ripped it from my hands and to exhausted to fight, I let him.

“No. Let’s add a chorus to Nowhere To Go, yeah?”

“Sure, yeah, I got something in mind.” I took the notebook back to jot some more words down.

After a few moments, I read the entire thing a few times, making sure it was perfect before I gave it to him.

“Start with this?” He asked.

I nodded then soon, my thoughts became words into the air.

“Hear me out, I’m sorry, but I’m a little less than sold. I’ve been around, heard all the stories you said you never told. You’re used to speaking in tongues to feel like you’re in control. Now you’ve got nowhere to run, now you’ve got nowhere to go. Tell me what’s mine and tell me what’s yours. Why I never got a say, never got a choice? Tell me what’s mine and tell me what’s yours. Why I never got a say, never got a choice?”

“Fuck, that sounds amazing, Noah. Let’s finish this.” Jolly mused,

That night, we finished Bad Decisions and Nowhere to Go.

Folio

Noah began smoking weed again, on top of all the alcohol he’d been consuming the last few weeks, he was on a downward spiral. It was only in small doses but that’s how the drinking started; he took up this faux savior persona.

“I can save myself,” he’d say after one of us would bring up how worried we were about him.

It was a load of shit. Any of us could tell you that.

This was the first time I’d seen him since the tour ended, all those months ago, but time away did nothing to help his mental state. Noah was breaking, piece by piece, and now that the ban lifted, we could visit again. Hence Nick and I were hanging out in their living room, a soft beat of music playing on the speakers.

Noah came bounding down the stairs, smelling of whiskey and weed, eyes glassy, rosy, and filled with rage. His hands were full of ink as he’d been writing nonstop, with everlasting consistency.

As he cascaded, his stomps were harsh, and if he realized it, Noah didn’t give a shit. When he reached into the kitchen and slammed the cupboard door wide open, he grabbed a bag of pita chips with tight force, breaking a few chips no doubt.

“Why are these almost gone? I just fucking bought them?” He snapped with a smart-ass attitude.

All of us eyed each other wearily, unsure how or even if we should respond but it was Orie who muttered under his breath. “We had some with the hummus we bought earlier. Chill the fuck out, Noah. It’s not that deep.”

Noah tossed the bag onto the counter. “It is that deep when it's something of mine. Fucking ass if you want it. Why is it so hard for people to communicate?”

Michael, who usually was the quiet, almost forgotten one, finally snapped. “We’re being patient with you. But we’re not your fucking punching bag.”

Jolly’s head snapped over to Michael from his spot on the floor in front of the couch with wide eyes full of heat, I was sure vanilla ice cream would melt. Jolly was the one who let all of us know to take it easy on Noah; it was a hard time in his life, and the last thing he needed was one of us fighting with him.

Noah hadn’t spoken to Y/N in weeks and we could physically see the imaginary soul ties that bound them together withering away, even though they were within miles of each other now that she lived here. Miles apart but still couldn’t gain the fucking courage to grow up and speak to each other.

Michael sighed his apology while running a hand over his face. “We’re here for you, man. We’re being patient. But you can’t keep going on like this.”

“You’re drowning right now and the painful to watch, you haven’t been this bad in years. Let us help you,” Nick spoke with a shaky breath.

Out of all of us, it hurt him the most to see Noah like this because he’d seen it before; only this time it was worse.

“You can’t help me, nothing to help me with. I’m fine,” Noah shrugged before reaching for another beer.

“You’re in denial and it’s ridiculous,” I said, tired of seeing and hearing the same bullshit. “Noah, I think you should see someone.”

“A shrink? Seriously?” He snorted.

“I think it can help you, besides the way music does,” I offered.

“I don’t need you to help me, I just want the racing to stop. The racing in my mind going miles a minute,” He slammed a finger to the side of his head repeatedly. “We have so much shit to do, and I can’t see anything but what happened right now. It’s a fuckin loop in my brain. Everything just keeps glitching.”

Noah then paced the length of the kitchen, red sweater pulled tightly against his chest and hood over his eyes.

“I’m- I’m sorry man, I’m sorry I just- fuck” he spat, a tear fell out of his eye but was quick to wipe it away.

Vulnerability be damned

“We’re your friends, we love you. We were stuck in this fucking house together for months. We can’t go anywhere and you don’t want us to worry? Well, too fucking bad because we do,” Orie explained with a tense-looking Harper in his lap.

She didn’t like the sudden noise but didn’t want to leave her dad.

Noah’s glossy eyes took in all our faces one by one, lingering a few seconds longer than the last.

“I just need time, I don’t know how to handle this, it’s- it’s weird for me. I’m uncomfortable. I don’t think I’ve fallen this hard, this fast,” he admitted while swallowing the lump in his throat.

That much was true. He’s had exes, one-night stands; hell, he’s been in love before- but I’ve never seen it develop this way. We’ve never seen him fall from such a high altitude this quickly. His guards are usually pointed like sharp knives, but it was so easy for him to dull them down for her.

I only hoped Y/N knew that. This was a big deal. I watched my friend crumble and crack like glass.

Time would only tell when they would repair the damage done here. I only hoped it would soon because we hated to see him bruise so easily. He’s right on the edge I fear, one more thing, one more thing and he’ll fall completely into a darkness we wouldn’t be able to pull him from.

“All I do is drink to numb the pain because all the good days we had together got taken away when my head turned on. I keep asking myself ‘why am I not good enough for her?’ How the fuck can I be good enough for her when I don’t even know what good enough is?”

None of us had an answer for him; the only one that did, he was purposely ignoring.

With a lone tear falling from his eyes, Noah wiped it away with the back of his hand, sniffles echoing in the kitchen.

“It’s so hard to watch myself win when a loser's all I've been.”

NOAH

I lay in my bed, neon glows emanating from behind my bed soaking the walls, as I stared up at the ceiling. My mind was racing so face in pace with my heart and I tried so hard to just breathe; fucking breathe to ease it. This pain was like a burning coal I was walking but within a second, all the pain was gone. I couldn’t take it anymore, the drinking, smoking, and not eating affected my health. I was skin on bones at this point.

Keaton's voice rang in my ears. “You’re a shell, Noah. Holding in these shattered nerves. A skeleton that's lost its skin and desperately wants back in.”

Tattooed hands covered my face as I blew a shaky breath into them.

“I need a sign from you, man. Give me something to know I haven’t messed it up yet,” I cried.

A second later, my phone buzzed from the spot on my bed, and through cloudy tears, I sucked in a breath when I saw Chase’s name appear with a new text.

Chase: Hey man, I haven’t heard from you the last few days, I wanted to check in with you. I know this may seem out of nowhere, but we’re worried about you and just hope you’re doing alright.

I stared up at the ceiling again, my heart relaxing its frenzied beat for a moment. “Thank you.”

Hey, all good. Sorry for the late reply. Appreciate it, doing just fine.

Chase: that’s great, but I’ve been hearing other things, so I don’t buy that. Look, again, this isn’t my place but I know Y/N hurt you that night. I can’t sit here and apologize on her behalf, but, I can at least tell you this: she isn’t doing well either; and as someone with two fucking eyes; I can see how much you mean to each other. Some birdies have been telling me you’re drinking yourself into a coma and acting a fool. I apologize for the harshness, but let me ask you this, do you think Y/N wants another Trey? You’re fucking better than that, aren’t you? Do you want to end up as another deadbeat musician with nothing to show for it but a bottle? No, I don’t know you that well but I can see you’re not that guy.

Do yourself a favor and do fucking better. Because she deserves better and so do you. So y’all can sort this soap opera shit out. Talk to you soon, I fucking hope. ✌️

With my phone clattering to the floor, the message left on read, I continued to lie in my bed; the pillow suffocating my mouth and nose.

“I’m not Trey. I’m fucking better than him,” I sat up quickly in bed, my hangover still raging inside my head.

Music is all I have, it’s all lived for-that was until I met her.

With the small get-together happening downstairs still, I ran to the bathroom across the hall to throw up any contents of lingering alcohol and pita chips. I washed my face and brushed my hair out, for the first time in weeks looking somewhat presentable.

“Get it together, you fucking dick.” I pointed a firm finger at my reflection in the mirror, thankful I didn’t see the ghost of Y/N staring back at me. “Do it for the band, do it for your music. Do it for her.”

To some, my shaky words might not have a strong belief but they did to me. It left me with the belief that miracles, no matter how inexplicable or unbelievable, are real and can occur without regard to the natural order of things. Keaton’s sign proved that.

“Just come back to me,” I whispered with trembling lips.

[darksigns-exe]

dad omens - noah sebastian

word count: 767

warnings: unexpected pregnancy, a tiny sliver of angst

Jolly Ruffilo Folio

It wasn’t planned. The news hit him like a brick, and he’s out of it for a good day before he re-assembles his head and calls.

There was no fight, just a I need to think that you had expected from him. You had briefly talked about your thoughts about children and family when you had started going out, but had agreed that it would be something to revisit in a few years — not a year.

You hadn’t even made up your own mind about it yet. But regardless of what you’d do, you knew that you’d have to tell him.

When he calls, he sounds so awfully meek, asks if he can come over so that you can talk properly. Says that he’d understand if you don’t want to see him right now, when the opposite is true.

He shows up at your door twenty minutes later, eyes all red as if he’s cried a little too.

The conversation you have is very honest and open. He doesn’t hide that it scares him like hell, that he doesn’t know if he’s ready for it. But the bottom line is that he’s with you no matter what you decide. And if that means being a dad, he’ll grow into that. The boy doesn’t back down from a challenge.

Noah has a few expected moments of panic. He wants to do you and this child justice, and sometimes he just can’t stop the panic from settling in.

He’s getting band things in order so that he’s as free as he can be, and of course your friends are immensely supportive in all of that. Calendars are freed up, things are restructured to give Noah more free time. The guys are around to help with whatever they can. Noah tries to be there for as many appointments as he can, helps with everything he can, even though there’s always that little bit of fear in the back of his mind. And sometimes it does get the best of him.

That all changes as soon as he’s handed your baby boy for the first time. That’s his child, you made that little person together. He’s up changing nappies, making deals with your son as if he can understand a word of what he’s saying.

He takes great pride in the bedtime story being his duty. More of than not, you find him fast asleep with your son at his side.

As he grows up, it becomes very clear that he’s the spitting image of his father, and you’re left with not one but two menaces who live for benevolent chaos.

They’re a real dynamic duo, always on the go when Noah’s at home.

He’s showing that kid off to everyone, but draws a very clear line when it comes to showing his face in public. Until he can say yes or no to being on camera, that child is not seen on social media. That doesn’t stop him from taking just so many pictures.

You have physical albums full of your kid growing up, and Noah always takes a picture with him when he leaves for tour.

He tries to call every day when he’s away, tries to make as much time not just for your kid, but also for you. Loves when you visit and takes great delight in chasing your son through the venue.

Maybe he’s not the dad who picks your kid up from soccer practice (mostly because the try-outs for that ended with your son saying that he doesn’t think that the others are in it to win it. Count on your child to be ultra competitive at the age of six) but he’s at every parent teacher conference, and he’s supportive of most new hobbies your son gets into. He draws the line at the fifth sport in one year and sits your kid down for a talk about it instead of getting upset. Turns out sports maybe aren’t his thing and he’d rather do something creative, but somehow got it in his head that sports is what he’s supposed to be doing.

A week later, Folio’s teaching him the basics of playing the drums.

Noah doesn’t ask questions when your son needs a late pickup from somewhere, doesn’t press for details but makes it clear that he can tell you both everything. And that policy of honesty pays off when he tells you about his first kiss and how he thinks that he has a real crush on that boy.

Noah’s by far not perfect, but he’s trying his hardest and that’s good enough.