#for example they said (you spent so many years protecting everyone else but you forgot to protect yourself)

[shokupankoart]

Fogged mind (´∀`)

[tennessoui]

for obikin, maybe pretending to hate each other au? (sth where their ages are a little closer, perhaps, so obi-wan can be intensely petty and not feel the need to Set an Example)

45. (Pretending To) Hate Each Other (raised as Sith!Anakin, salty!Padawan Obi-Wan)(1.6k)

Obi-Wan turns away from the training stalles with a barely suppressed sneer. Anakin, as he is to be called, has defeated his opponents. His fellow Padawans. Darth Vader has become a Padawan and everyone is just fine with it.

Obi-Wan marches out into the halls, not knowing where he’s going, but knowing he must get away from the smirk on Anakin’s face as he had lowered his training saber to his opponent’s neck. Does no one but Obi-Wan remember how just months ago Vader’s saber had been pressed against his neck and it hadn’t been a training exercise? Does no one remember the atrocities Anakin had committed, the sentients Anakin had killed?

And yet Obi-Wan’s master seems infinitely fascinated by the boy. And yet Obi-Wan, it seems, cannot step out of his own room without finding this Anakin underfoot, either taking tea with his Master, or dolefully skulking around the doorway of Obi-Wan’s quarters. What draws the boy, he has no lasting idea.

They’re approximately the same age, he supposes, although Obi-Wan has a few years at least on Anakin--it’s clearer to see now that Anakin has stopped wearing his helmet and armor into battle, now that the lines of his face are not hardened by scowls and snarls. Really, he’s a boy. His medical chart puts him at eighteen, making him four years Obi-Wan’s junior.

And, he supposes, Qui-Gon was the one to find Anakin wounded on the battlefield, the one to insist they treat the Sith, heal him, and give him shelter. But Obi-Wan was the one who had found the slave chip embedded between his ribcage, the one who had alerted the Council to its presence, so it could be used to find the boy’s master, to capture him or kill him, to end the war.

But surely, whatever small part Obi-Wan had played in the war’s conclusion, the Force should have known better than to repay him by gifting him with the care and keeping of a Sith Lord, Chosen One or not.

Although Obi-Wan can admit, even if only to himself, that it’s worse when Vader latches onto anyone else in the Temple. His master is too starry-eyed by his ideas of Vader’s midichlorians, his destiny as the Chosen One, to see the boy in front of him now.

And anyone younger than Vader is too easily swayed by his looks, his charm, his disgustingly transparent eagerness to know about the Temple, about the Jedi way of life.

Obi-Wan knows this. He’s fought a Sith at 20, fended it off after it dealt a nearly fatal blow to his Master. They cannot be reasoned with. Vader cannot be reasoned with.

Anakin exists only as a figment of their imaginations, their desire to have the Chosen One fly under the Jedi colors. He is not real, not anymore.

Gradually, Obi-Wan finds himself making his way up the stairs of the Jedi Temple. Of all the spots to hide--to sulk, as his Master would say--the rooftop is the one least likely to be checked. It is one of Obi-Wan’s favorite areas in the entire building.

But he had not thought to check for stragglers before arriving at his destination, had thought the thunderstorms of his own Force presence would keep others at bay. He hadn’t yet figured Vader into his calculations, hadn’t remembered the propensity Vader had for showing up right when Obi-Wan least wanted him to.

“You left,” Vader--Anakin--whoever accuses, as Obi-Wan sits down on the rooftop. The wind howls around them. Obi-Wan has the distinct thought that they’ve lived through this before, that last time Vader had cornered him on a rooftop, he had threatened to take a piece of his body home to his Master. Now, Vader is standing in his home.

Obi-Wan takes a very deep breath and banishes those sorts of thoughts. Anakin, he reminds himself. Anakin.

And just as importantly, the chip. There had been a chip. Not controlling Va--Anakin’s thoughts, but certainly controlling his actions. What he would do to survive is no different from what Obi-Wan had done to survive; they had just been on opposite sides of the war.

Is Obi-Wan weak for not being able to move past that? For not being able to greet the boy--the man--Anakin with open arms into the folds of his family?

“I did,” Obi-Wan replies, keeping his eyes on what he can see of the city skyline.

Anakin steps closer. “Why?”

He turns to face him, takes in his sweaty appearance and messy tunics. He must have been looking for Obi-Wan’s reaction. He must have seen the exact moment Obi-Wan had turned, must have scrambled to cloth himself as he followed after.

“Why does it matter?” He asks instead of answering, always instead of answering.

“Because I wanted you to watch,” Vader says.

“I’ve seen you kill Padawans before,” Obi-Wan turns away and stands up until he can lean against the high protective walls of the roof. “I wasn’t impressed.”

Vader feels frustrated in the Force. No. Anakin.

Anakin. “It was a training exercise.”

“Now,” Obi-Wan points out. “Or do you mean then?”

“Would you hate me if I said both?” “I hate you now, Vader.” The other boy’s Force signature withdraws, flinching away from Obi-Wan’s ire. He hears him sit down. He’d rather throw him off the roof.

But: “Don’t call me that,” the boy pleads quietly. “I know I can’t--that I don’t--” he cuts himself off and grows quiet.

Obi-Wan would say something to break the silence, but he doesn’t want to engage the boy if he doesn’t have to. If he closes his eyes, he can feel and see the Force raging around them, violently buffering them as it demands some sort of denouement.

The boy inhales and stands again, stepping forward hesitantly until he’s a scant foot away from Obi-Wan. “My mom always told me she thought for ages about my name. That it had come to her in a dream after I was already a month old, that it was bad luck to have waited for so long to name me because infants on Tatooine can die as quickly as their mothers.

“And then I...I couldn’t use it or hear it or speak it for so long that I think I almost forgot it, almost lost it to Sidious and...and Vader. So even if you hate me, and I know you should hate me, I know I’ve never done anything to you that cancels out the bad I’ve done to you, but. Please don’t call me that. I think it would have made her sad."

Obi-Wan works his jaw as he stares off into the city. He doesn’t think V--Anakin has ever said so many words to him. If he gives in now, he’d be just as bad as the other padawans who had welcomed Anakin in amongst them because of his big eyes and soft lips and earnest enthusiasm.

Anakin seems to take his silence as permission to continue, which it isn’t. “And I know I’m not. That I can’t be--won’t ever be a Padawan, or a Jedi Knight, that. That I’ll never wear a braid or anything. I’m not--I don’t want another Master. I never want another Master.”

Obi-Wan turns his head just enough to look at Anakin. He’s spent an awfully long amount of time hanging around Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan’s quarters if he doesn’t want a Master. But...what he’s saying makes sense, and, more importantly than that, soothes the furious emotions in Obi-Wan’s chest enough that he can speak. “Then I can’t understand why.” Why you’re here, why you won’t leave me alone, why you chose to follow me if you’re not trying to dispose of me and take my Master for yours.

Anakin sighs, leaning his head on his hands as he looks out at the city. Obi-Wan finds himself annoyed with that as well, even though he’d just been doing the same thing. Now he can’t tear his eyes away from Anakin’s profile.

“You’re warm in the Force,” Anakin says eventually. “I think maybe I spent too long in space, because I’m always cold. Except when I’m around you. You burn. You always have. I used to think that maybe--it was hatred or disgust at me, when I met you in battle, and you were an inferno. But you burn when you’re on creche duty too. A different kind of fire, but still so warm. It’s just your soul. It’s just who you are.”

Obi-Wan blinks open-mouthed at him. He’s never considered the thought that Vader--Anakin--had been trailing after him for anything other than easy access to his Master. Now he doesn’t know what he’s supposed to do or say.

There’s a part of him that still doesn’t understand what Anakin wants to get out of his tenancy at the Temple, a part that whispers that the Sith can’t be trusted, no matter how blue they can make their eyes look. But the Jedi part of Obi-Wan is bigger.

The Jedi part of Obi-Wan tells him to extend his hand just enough to brush against Anakin’s exposed wrist. It’s a point of vulnerability the boy doesn’t shy away from.

“Would you…” he asks slowly, forcing the words out of his tight throat. “Like to meditate with me?”

Anakin looks astonished, then hopeful, then disappointed, then dejected. “I’m no good at meditating,” he says, scuffing the point of his shoe on the ground. “It wasn’t a huge part of my...former Master’s curriculum, and the Force is just so loud in my head that it’s hard to do anything but react.”

He looks up at Obi-Wan through his eyelashes, biting his lip as if he’s afraid that he’ll be turned away for this.

Instead, Obi-Wan turns fully to face him and latches onto his flesh hand. “There are some things, I’ve found,” he murmurs, leading them away from the edge of the roof before pulling Anakin down to sit cross-legged in front of him, “that are much easier done with someone else. Done together.”

[blodreina-noumou]

The 100: One Final Rewatch

This is it. My send-off to The 100. One full, complete rewatch. Season one to season seven. Episode 1 to episode 100. Every cringeworthy, beautiful, brutal, heartwarming moment. Every chopped plot thread, every inspiring character arc, every sailing and sunken ship. Every gut-wrenching death and every narrow escape. The best, the worst, the utterly mediocre.

All of it, in order, one last time.

Unfortunately, we’re not starting off on a strong foot.

Episode 1x01: “Pilot”

(Fun fact! I totally watched the pilot last night and wrote up almost this entire post, and then I forgot to save it in my drafts. In that post I was like “I’m never watching the pilot again after this, lol!” but now I have to so I can remember my notes. I’m mad.)

Highlights

Best quotes:

“Looks like your dad floated me after all.”

“No one has a brother!”

“Let’s give them something else to remember you by. ... Like being the first person on the ground in 100 years.”

Best moments:

1 - Getting to see our first glimpses of most of the major players of The Hundred. Octavia cheering on Finn’s rebelliousness, when he starts floating around the chamber. Monty and Jasper sitting together on the dropship. Murphy standing behind Octavia as she steps out onto the ground. Bellamy and Clarke sure are...there.

2 - Octavia stepping off the dropship and screaming, “We’re back, bitches!” Fucking “Radioactive” playing as the kids run screaming out of the dropship. Everyone experiencing sunlight and fresh air for the first time in the entire lives. It’s cheesy, exciting, and on-the-nose. I love it.

3 - The final moment almost makes up for the rest of the episode. Watching under the impression that these kids are alone on the planet, and basically just running wild without supervision because they feel relatively safe, and for some of them, free for the first time in their lives - the whole thing is charming, but feels a little too juvenile. Then, right in the midst of a fun, summer camp moment, - swinging across a river on a vine, complete with indie pop rock soundtrack - Jasper gets speared right in the fucking chest!! The music cuts, the remaining kids scream and run, and Clarke gasps out that succinct and game-changing line: “We’re not alone.”

Lowlights

Worst quotes:

“Hey spacewalker! Rescue me next.”

“Note to self: next time, save the girl.”

“We have to warn them.” .. “That’s what my father said.”

Worst moments:

There is SO much that I hate about the pilot. So much. It’s hard for me to pin down the worst moments, because I think it’s most of the episode. Here’s my Top 3, to keep it short.

1. Bellamy. Just all of Bellamy in this episode. It took me a long time to warm up to Bellamy, and this season really reminds me why. He’s pulling all of this alpha male posturing that makes me want to mock him relentlessly. He causes chaos and postpones very vital and obvious measures for their survival just to cover his own ass. He might’ve gone to the ground to protect Octavia, but once he’s there, most of his decisions are about making sure he never has to face the consequences of that choice. He does grow a lot from here, but it’s hard not to hate him in the first episode. His hair doesn’t help. Thank god they let that one go quick.

2. Clarke and Finn are supposed to be these super smart, master survivalists, but they drink river water without boiling it or purifying it in any way. Hello giardia! Just one example of bad world-building and inconsistent realism in this universe.

3. Murphy being like, “Leave Jasper alone, he’s with us.” Only because in like, two episodes, he’s going to be ready to kill Jasper. Murphy is a dick in the first season, lmao. It works well, though, because his heel turn is one of the best I’ve ever seen on television. And it’s fun to watch Richard Harmon play around with being a total asshole.

Small Things

Things I Never Noticed Until Now:

1. Finn’s foolishness, and the boys who followed suit, is what breaks the dropship communication systems. I don’t know how I missed that in my half dozen viewings, but here we are.

2. Clarke goes from a very practical braid to a much less practical half-ponytail in the space of five minutes and no one comments on it.

3. Finn is actually the very first person to call Clarke “princess.” I’d always thought it was Octavia. Fun fact - so many people call Clarke “princess” in this episode/season, I spent my very first viewing back in 2015 convinced she was literally descended from royalty.

MVP of the Episode:

Wells Jaha. He tries really hard to counter Bellamy’s ego trip. In the beginning, he’s one of the only people, besides Clarke, who is focused on trying to keep everyone alive. They had to kill him in episode 1x04 because he would’ve solved everything if he stuck around. There’d be no drama, just Wells running shit.

Overall Impression 

The premise of this episode had so much potential. But a clunky script with too much exposition and some very awkward performances makes it fall very short. Maybe it actually stands as a chilling portent of a pattern we’d come to know too well in this series - incredible potential, very little satisfying follow-through.

Episode Rating: 1/10. 

This is one of the worst episodes in the entire series. A feat that wouldn’t be achieved again until at least s6. 

The good news is, we’ve got nowhere to go but up!

[ethereal-bang]

Best Friend’s Brother’s Best Friend

Characters: Felix x female reader, Bang Chan, an OC

Words: 4.4k

Type: strangers to lovers, smut (kinda? suggestive), some major fluff cause I’m a softie for Lix

Request :  Hey! I would like to request smth but the fluff/smut scenario is complex (u can just ignore it if its too much for u😊) U are Bang chan's little sister's bestfriend n one time he comes back for vacation from korea w Felix n he proposes him to come sleep over, this day u r also supposed to sleep over at Chris' sister's, so u meet him n Felix for the first time. There's smth obvious between u n Felix, things go on n turns out also heated (sry i didn't know how to explain all of this🥺) Thank U☺️

Requests Are Open!

Warnings: mature content, not explicitly smut but things get pretty heated (will be pretty vanilla. dry humping, heavy kissing etc) Do Not Read if you are under the age of 18. This piece of work is intended for mature audiences only

You’ve always loved the summer. The feeling of freedom, no responsibilities and the exciting prospect of unknown adventures always brings a smile to your face.

Today is the same way. You take in the feeling of the sun warm on your back, the breeze through your hair as you ride your bike across town. The first day of summer has come, and you can’t wait to spend your days with those you hold dearest to you, like your best friend Mia.

Mia has been your friend since you were three years old. It started as two toddlers running around the playground together, your mothers keeping a watchful eye as you run through the grass and chase butterflies until your little legs give out. Many playdates were spent that way, slowly forming a bond that you knew would continue on through time and fallen leaves with the changing of each season.

Each year that past brought you new experiences. New classes, birthdays, crushes, heartbreak-- everything the two of you could've gone through together, you have. Your families even, are attached at the hip this point.

Take her older brother, Chan for instance. Only three years older than his sister, he took on the protective older brother role for you as well. Driving you to practice, helping you with homework, you name it. Although he can be a little annoying sometimes, as “big brothers” can be, you wouldn’t trade your friendship with him for the world. Which was why you were heartbroken when he was signed to JYP and off to South Korea, to pursue his dreams of making music.

You were proud of him, absolutely. He had worked so hard his entire life and you knew he was destined to do great things. The airport send off was sad, but promises of facetime calls and letters sent brought you slight comfort. 

Years went on, and your friendship with Mia, as well as Chan, never changed. Now graduated from high school, this summer was the most exciting one yet. Going off to college in the fall was daunting, but knowing that you wouldn’t have to worry about it for at least another three months meant that you could truly relax, and take in the newfound freedom that comes with being an adult.

Well, kinda.

You pulled up on your bike in front of Mia’s house; the large front porch with the cutest little swing out front reminding you of all the times you spent with her there after school. Images of hours spent running around the front yard and 25 cent lemonade stands fill your head as you make your way to the front door, not even bothering to knock because you knew Mia was home.

Setting your shoes at the door, you call out for your best friend. “Mia? It’s me, Y/N!” you say as you peak your head into the living room, finding no signs of life. “In the kitchen!” you hear her say and you immediately turn around to walk through the doors.

When you walk in, your heart soars as you spot a certain curly haired boy standing with her at the counter. “Chan!” you scream and basically knock him over. It’s been at least 4 years since you’ve last seen him, and the surprise makes your day better already. He gives you a hug and laughs his signature laugh, and you can't believe he’s actually here. “WHY didn’t you tell me you were coming home?!’ you say as you smack him on the shoulder. He pretends to be hurt and rolls his eyes. “Then it wouldn’t be a surprise, dummy” he says. It’s only then that you realize there’s someone else in the room.

You look over and immediately recognize Felix. You were obviously a fan of Stray Kids, how could you not be? This was the first time you’d met any of the other boys in person, though, and you blushed when you realized he was even more handsome than the videos made him out to be.

His blonde hair frames his face perfectly as he looks up at you, and you take in the way his freckles paint his face like the most beautiful constellation in the sky. You take in the shape of his nose, and his lips, the cupid’s bow prominent and his lips turned upwards into a shy smile. You realize that you’re staring, and the blush on your cheeks darken.

Chan clears his throat, aware of the awkward atmosphere as he laughs quietly. “Right, right. I forgot you two have never met. Y/N, this is Felix. Felix, this is Y/N, Mia’s best friend.” He says, gesturing between the two of you. Mia makes eye contact with Chan as the two of you awkwardly say your hellos, wiggling her eyebrows, and he waves her off. “It’s nice to finally meet you.” you say and stick your hand out. He stands up and does the same, shaking your hand softly. “It’s nice to meet you too! I hope we can get to know each other,” he says. You were no strange to how deep his voice is, but hearing it in person is completely different. The timbre of his voice sends a feeling up your spine that you haven’t felt in a long time. And then it strikes you. They’re here, not in Korea.

“Wait, why are the two of you here? N-not that I don't WANT you here or anything I just- you’re normally an ocean away an-” “Relax, Y/N,” Mia says, cutting off your confused rambling before you can dig yourself into a deeper hole. “Chan is home for a vacation and decided to bring ‘Lix along! Isn’t that exciting?” She says, glad to have her brother back home.

“Yep! The company decided we all needed a long break since we’ve been working so much this year, so we’ll be here for the next two months!” Chan says, and you beam. The whole summer! This opens up a brand new world of possibilities. “So,” you begin, all three of them looking at your expectantly.

“What do we do first?”

____________________________________

The first few weeks of summer are always the most exciting. Everything is a first. Movie nights, late night trips to the local diner, and catching fireflies in the backyard seem just that much more fun. You also got the chance to reconnect with Chan, and build a new friendship with Felix. 

Felix is an excitable soul. Always one for random adventures, the anticipation of the day’s activities always evident in his eyes that seem to sparkle at every moment. When it came to sleepovers, the two of you always seemed to be the first ones awake. This led to many early morning (if you call 8 am early) impromptu breakfasts together, sitting the Bang family kitchen and talking about anything and everything. Felix is incredibly funny, always having a reference or a joke up his sleeve no matter the conversation. 

Take yesterday, for example. The summer carnival in town is in full swing, and Mia thought it would be a great idea for the four of you to go. You get up bright and early and head over to their house, knocking on the door excitedly. Your breath catches in your throat when Felix opens the door. He had clearly woken up not too long before; His hair still a little messy, and a sleepy smile adorns his face when he realizes it’s you. You can’t help but giggle, he looks so cute in the early hours of the morning and it makes you want to reach up and push his puffy cheeks together. “Oh, h-hey y/n I didn’t know you’d be here so soon...I-I’m gonna go get dressed,” he stutters, letting you into the house and then rushing upstairs. 

____________

Once everyone is ready to go, you all pile into Mia’s car and head over to the carnival. The car ride is filled with singing along to the radio, windows down and taking in the sights of the city as it slowly wakes up. Something about the summer brings everyone outside, you think to yourself as you pass families sitting in patio areas for a nice breakfast and people out walking their dogs through the city streets.

Pulling into the parking lot, you bounce in your seat with excitement. It’s just opened for the day, and you can see the rides begin to move and lights turning on, adding to the atmosphere. You’re sat next to Mia in the front seat, but you can see Felix through the rearview mirror. Your eyes meet for a split second and you turn away, noticing the way his eyes sparkled when they met yours. “He’s probably just excited about the fair,” you think to yourself, shrugging it off. 

Chan and Felix are the first two out of the car, followed by Mia and then yourself. The walk to the ticket booth was short, but was filled with Chan’s excited noises as he talked about everything he wanted to do while at the carnival. It was the first time he’d been in almost 5 years, and he said it was something he had missed while overseas. 

Waiting in line at the ticket booth, you take in your surroundings as you wait for the others to buy their tickets. People have now actually made their way inside, and you can hear the music coming from the various games and rides all around you, along with the screams of the people already on some of the rollercoasters.

You’re broken out of your thoughts by Felix’s deep voice, hearing him say “2 tickets, please” to the lady at the window. Confused, you tug on his sleeve and look at him. “Felix,” you start but he smiles and shakes his head, opting to wrap your hand around his own arm as he says “Don’t worry about it, I got it.”

You feel butterflies in your chest at the action, but try not to let yourself be so easily affected. Instead, he pulls you along with Chan and Mia, and you make your way into the park. 

“So...what do we ride first?” Chan asks. He looks over to you and Felix’s intertwined arms and raises his eyebrows, giving Felix a look that luckily you didn’t see because you were too busy trying to decide if you wanted to play a game first or go on one of the rollercoasters instead.

“Let’s go play one of those first!” Mia chimes in, spotting one of those games where you throw a baseball to knock down some bottles. She’s always been the competitive type, so it’s no surprise to you as she walks over to the games, teasing Felix that he doesn’t stand a chance up against her.

This declaration of war seemed to spur something on in Felix, determination in his eyes as he watches Mia knock nearly every bottle down. She looks at him as she’s handed her prize, a little pink stuffed monkey from the middle shelf that she holds dearly to her chest. “Beat that, Felix.” she laughs as he steps up to the game booth.

You stand beside Chris and Mia and watch as Felix begins throwing the baseballs. With ridiculous precision, he knocks down two bottles. Then another three. Then another two more. You’re all watching in surprise as Felix knocks the rest of the bottles down with his final baseball, eyes wide and Mia pouting, realizing she’s been beat.

The bell dings, and the carnival worker cheers as he tells Felix to pick anything from the top shelf. He grabs a plush, cartoon cat toy and immediately turns around and hands it to you. “Here, you can have it,” he says, a blush adorning his cheeks. Your expression mirrors his as you take the toy and hold it close to your chest. Mia and Chan both roll their eyes at the innocent display of affection. Neither of them can believe that the two of you are so absolutely oblivious to each other’s feelings. 

_______

Many rollercoaster rides and carnival food later, the sky is beginning to grow dark. The day was spent playing rock paper scissors to decide who rides with who, who pays for food, and who holds the other’s things when the ride won’t allow everyone to ride together. It’s the most fun day you’ve had in a long time, and you’re thankful that you get to spend it with the people you hold dearest to you.

The sun slowly setting is making Felix look absolutely beautiful, and you have to stop yourself from constantly staring at his skin and the way the sunlight makes his freckles stand out even more than normal.

Once you return to the Bang residence, everyone goes off to do their own thing; Mia to take a shower, Chan to play some video games, and you decide to go to the backyard. Opting to sit on the bench off the back porch, you smile as you see fireflies blinking throughout the yard. Moments like these were your favorite, the calm breeze through your hair as the air is still a little sticky; once the sun sets it will cool down, so you put up with it for now.

You’re a little surprised when you see Felix come to join you outside, you thought he had been playing games with Chan upstairs. “Hey,” he says with a smile. You nod your head and he takes a seat next to you. “Penny for your thoughts?” He asks as he notices the far away look in your eyes. 

“I’m just thinking about how much fun this summer has been. How much today has been. Thank you for the stuffed animal, by the way.” You say with a blush on your cheeks. He rubs the back of his neck, feeling embarrassed and a little nervous. “Oh, yeah, no problem I mean, I know you like cats so..” “Yeah..” you say, both of you trailing off into a comfortable silence.

“You know,” you start off, “I’m really glad Chan brought you back home with him. It’s nice to finally get to know you,” you say quietly. Felix smiles and moves a little closer to you. “Yeah? I agree. I’m glad I came with him, too.” he says. He’s close enough to you on the bench that your shoulders are touching, and the proximity makes you nervous. You can feel him looking at you as your eyes wander across the back yard, watching a bunny run into the bushes. You turn to look at him, and he’s so close that time feels like it’s stood still.

He’s moving closer towards you, and your breath catches in your throat. Is he about to kiss you? Your mind is going haywire. His lips are less than an inch away from yours, and you close your eyes out of reflex. One slight move and he could jus-

“Hey guys! Let’s go get dinner, Chan says he’s paying.” You and Felix jump apart as Mia is suddenly at the back door. Scrambling to your feet, you can’t look Felix in the eye, embarrassed by almost getting caught with what was about to happen. “O-oh yeah, sure!” Felix says, just as startled as you are. He lets you head in the door before him, and you try to shake the butterflies when you remember the feeling of him so close.

____________

Today, it’s Mia who wakes up before the boys do, so the two of you wander into the kitchen, making breakfast for everyone before Felix and Chan wake up. Mia passes you the pancake mix that she’s just finished making, and you sprinkle some blueberries into the batter that you’ve put on the griddle. “Who’re the blueberries for?” Your best friend asks as she cuts some more fruit to put out for everyone. “Oh they’re for Felix, he likes blueberries,” you say as you absentmindedly wait for the pancake to cook enough to flip over. 

“You know, Felix seems to have taken a liking to you,” she teases, popping a piece of watermelon into her mouth. You roll your eyes at her, a sense of false hope spreading in your chest. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” you say, hoping that you can convince her and possibly yourself, that there’s nothing there. 

“Come on y/n,” she starts, “the two of you literally ditched me and Chan the other night to sit outside and stare at fireflies before dinner. And don't think I didn’t see how close he was to you when I came outside! You just need to say something to him already. I’m begging you.” She watches you take the pancake off the griddle and place it on a plate, grabbing the bowl of pancake batter and starting on another one. 

“I don’t know Mia, maybe he wasn’t trying to kiss me! Maybe I just had something on my face! Felix is a nice guy he’d do that kind of thing for me,” you reason. In your mind, it was so far from believable that Felix could have any type of feelings for you. He’s and idol, surrounded by some of the prettiest and most talented girls around, there’s no way he’d settle for someone as normal as you.

“I see those gears turning in your head, y/n, don’t think too much of it otherwise you’re just gonna make yourself sad. He IS a nice guy, but I also can’t lie to you and tell you he doesn’t look at you the way Chan looks at every dog he’s ever seen,” she laughs. 

You were about to open your mouth to argue, but you’re saved by the sound of footsteps coming down the stairs. Chan comes first, Felix following close behind. Both of them have clearly just woken up, probably from the smell of the pancakes that you just remembered you were making. Luckily, you noticed just in time to take them off the stove and put the remaining pancakes on everyone’s plates.

“Good morning sleepyheads. Glad you could finally join us,” Mia jokes as she places the boys’ plates in front of them “Ooooo blueberries!” Felix says as he takes a look at the pancakes on his plate, and Mia shoots you a knowing look. You kick her under the table, and remain quiet as breakfast begins.

_________

The four of you decided that staying inside was the best course of action, the summer weather was in full effect today, and none of you wanted to face the July heat. The day was spent making lemonade, sharing youtube videos and  playing multiple rounds of uno, laughter filling the house because Chan and Felix were hellbent on making each other lose (which Felix did. A lot.) It was so normal, you had almost forgotten about the little moment you had with Felix last night. Almost.

Later in the afternoon, Chan speaks up all of a sudden. “Hey, Mia, remember we need to head over to Auntie’s house really quick, like Mom asked us to this morning.” He said. Looking confused, Mia walks into the living room to look at him. “What are you talking about? Mom didn’-” she stops her sentence when she sees that Chan is looking at her urgently, eyes flitting between you and Felix, who are currently engrossed in a movie on TV.

Catching on quick, Mia nods her head. “Oh, yeah, that’s right. Auntie’s house.” You look up when you hear her voice. “Auntie’s house? That sounds fun, let’s go!” 

“No!” Chan says quickly, and now he has Felix’s attention as well. “It’s a...family thing,” Mia says, trying to save her brother’s ass so they don’t get caught. “Right, right. It’s a family thing so you can’t come we’ll be back see you later!!” Chan say as he pulls Mia out the front door. Raising your eyebrows, you question your best friend’s weird antics as they shut the door. “Ooookay,” Felix laughs once the front door closes. “What do you think they’re problem is?” You question and turn back to Felix. He looks a little nervous, and you’re unsure why. “No idea,” he says quietly and turns back to the tv. 

He’s sitting far away from you on the couch, and the urge to move closer to him is growing stronger by the minute. You try to control yourself and focus on the movie, but it’s getting harder as you replay the moments from yesterday in your mind. You try to get comfortable where you’re seated, but for some reason no matter how you sit, you can't manage to stay still for more than 10 seconds. 

Felix looks over at you occasionally, wondering if you’re uncomfortable being alone with him. There’s no way, right? You’ve spent plenty of time alone with him in the past month and a half, if he had made you uncomfortable, you would’ve said something, right? And why did Chan and Mina just run out like that? He doesn’t remember ever hearing their mom mention anything about going to their aunt’s house this morning. Was he just not paying attention? 

You’re still moving about on the couch, and curiosity peaks in Felix.

“Are you okay?” Felix asks, looking over when you move for the fifth time in half a minute. “Y-yeah! Yeah I’m ok. Just a little cold,” you say, trying to play off the situation. He shifts a little in his seat, wondering if he’s really about to do what he’s thinking about doing. And before he knows it, he opens his mouth and is doing exactly what he was afraid to.

“I mean,” he begins hesitantly, “you can always..come sit over here with me, if you want. No pressure! But you know..if you want to,” He blushes, but extends his arm against the back of the couch, an open invitation for you to cuddle into his side. Thinking about it for a moment, you figure there’s no real harm in doing so, wanting to satisfy your need to be close to him in hopes that it'll stop the feeling in your chest.

You were wrong, it doesn’t help the feeling in your chest at all. If anything, it magnifies it ten fold. You scoot over to Felix’s side of the couch, tucking yourself into his side and getting comfortable. You relax in his hold, and Felix feels a sense of relief wash over him.

You try to get back into the movie, but just as you get comfortable again, a very intense romantic scene begins in the movie. The two characters are about to meet their inevitable downfall, sharing a dramatic declaration of their love. The desperation in their voices are evident, knowing that if this so happens to be the last moment they ever have on earth, then they’ll be okay with it knowing that neither of their feelings were unrequited. .It doesn’t help that Felix keeps looking over at you every thirty seconds. 

You feel Felix tense, and he turns to look down at you, your head now rested on his shoulder as you got comfy in his embrace. He wants to hold you like this forever. He panics a little, realizing how close your faces where when you turned to look up at him. He looks into your eyes and immediately melts, it reminds him of the other night, when he was just so close to finally kissing you. All he would have to do now, in this moment, is grab your jaw and pull you forward and then he’d be kissing you.

So that’s what he did.

It was a quick kiss, and Felix pulls away just as quickly as he pulls you in. “I uh..I am so sorry. I don't know what came over me if you never want me to do that again I won’t and we can forget that it ever happened I am so sorry,” he rambles, and you laugh at him. “Felix,” you say, turning to face him properly, “You have no idea..how long I have wanted you to do that.” You confess, cheeks turning red. He giggles. Giggles. That’s all the incentive you need to pull him back to you and capture his lips in another kiss.

You move to straddle his lap, your hands tangling in his hair and his immediately landing on your hips. You want to stay with him like this forever, you’ve decided. Running your hands through the soft tresses makes you realize that no one has ever made you feel the way that Felix does. He is home to you, and you know immediately that you don’t want anyone else. He moves to touch the skin that’s exposed right at the bottom of your tshirt, and a content sigh passes your lips. Felix uses the moment to slip his tongue in your mouth and you just let him take over, too lost in the feeling of him to fight for any type of dominance.

You roll your hips against him and a deep groan comes from his chest. You kiss him a little harder, and his labored breathing matches your own. You were now immensely glad that Mia and Chan were nowhere to be found.

His lips move to your neck, and the noise that comes from you does not go unnoticed by him. He’s guiding your hips against his now, bucking up into you and you’re getting lost in the feeling of him. Looking at you, Felix just wants to thank every god that has ever existed for letting him be with you in this way. In this moment, you are the only thing that exists to him. Even if he has to leave in a few weeks to head back to Korea and his idol life, his heart belongs here with you. And you'll wait for him each time, you know you will. This felt like destiny, and you’ll be damned if a body of water comes between you and him ever again.

________

Mia and Chan take their sweet time coming back to the house, deciding to go get dinner and hoping that their idiot lovestruck best friends have finally gotten themselves figured out. They walk through the door and smile as their met with the sweetest scene ever. You and Felix are asleep on the couch, completely wrapped in each other.

Needless to say, the state of Felix’s hair and the dark markings on your neck are enough for the two of them to silently fist bump as they walk to their respective bedrooms.

________________________________________________________________

A/N: Oh my goodness. If you’ve made it to the end of this, thank you for reading! I really hope this lived up to your expectations Anon >.<

Masterlist

[lov3nerdstuff]

Voluptas Noctis Aeternae {Part 4.6}

*Severus Snape x OC*

Summary: It is the year 1983 when the ordinary life of Robin Mitchell takes a drastic turn: she is accepted into Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Despite the struggles of being a muggle-born in Slytherin, she soon discovers her passion for Potions, and even manages the impossible: gaining the favor of Severus Snape. Throughout the years, Robin finds that the not quite so ordinary Potions Professor goes from being a brooding stranger to being more than she had ever deemed possible. An ally, a mentor, a friend... and eventually, the person she loves the most. Through adventure, prophecies and the little struggles of daily life in a castle full of mysteries, Robin chooses a path for herself, an unlikely friendship blossoms into something more, and two people abandoned by the world can finally find a home.

General warnings: professor x student, blood, violence, trauma, neglectful families, bullying, cursing

Words: 4.6k

Read Part 1.1 here! All Parts can be found on the Masterlist!

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"What do you think how old she is?"

"She looks older than my cousin, but younger than my neighbour… and she's a fourth year, isn't she?"

"That's what he said, at least."

"Well, I was too terrified to actually listen properly!"

"C'mon, he wasn't all that terrifying today…"

"He's always terrifying!"

"Are you talking about Professor Snape?" Robin asked without even opening her eyes, as the sleep slowly cleared from her mind. The conversation, even if it had been respectfully quiet, had been what she'd woken up to, but seeing as she actually felt well rested, it likely wasn't what had actually woken her up. The two voices remained silent upon her question, and thus Robin sighed and opened her eyes at last. Gosh, what time was it even? She felt like she'd been sleeping forever.

With another sigh, a content one for once, she sat up in her bed and blinked a few times until her eyes would focus. Right, a new room… and new roommates. Two young girls were giving her highly doubtful glances from across the room, as they both sat cross-legged on the fourth and only unused bed. Well, now was the time to be nice for once. Robin had promised it after all, and she would try her best no matter what.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt or listen in on you two." She started with a small smile while she got up from her bed, in the hopes that it would make the situation a little less awkward. "I'm Robin Mitchell. And since the only thing I accidentally overheard from your conversation was the question about my age… I'm fifteen. And indeed in my fourth year here."

"Told you she's older than my cousin." The girl with long blonde curls said to her pal, quietly, and Robin smiled in return. Then the girl turned towards her. "Sorry, uh… hi. I'm Cassandra Miller."

"I'm Jorien Blakeley." The second girl added with a small wave. She was the exact opposite of her friend, with short brown hair and surprisingly bright blue eyes. The two of them really made an odd pair.

"It's lovely meeting you." Robin replied with a sigh and the very same smile. "I sincerely hope that you aren't all too mad at me for moving into your room."

"Professor Snape said he made you move in with us. He was very direct about his demand that we don't question you. So… What did you do to upset him? Why did he punish you? I mean… isn't it really degrading to live with lower years?" Cassandra asked and leaned her head to the side curiously. Robin could work with that curiosity, very well even.

"Professor Snape didn't punish me, he did me a favor. I am very grateful to be here." She replied and sat down on the ground in front of the bed the two girls were seated on.

"But… why?! Professor Snape, doing you a favor? Are we talking about the same person?!" Cassandra inquired further, with a deep frown, and Robin already got a good feeling for why Snape had sent her to live with these girls.

"Professor Snape isn't half as bad as people believe." Robin mused with a smile directed at the ground, before looking back up at the girls. "He sent me here because he believes that we would get along, and I hope that he's right."

"Nobody in Slytherin gets along with us." Jorien finally spoke up as well. "And we don't like them either."

"That sounds very familiar." Robin chuckled and shook her head to herself. Yup, she definitely knew why Snape wanted her to keep an eye on them. "I don't like the people in my grade either. They're dimwitted dunderheads who usually don't know what they're doing."

"Really? But they seem so… knowledgeable and important. Like they do know what they're doing." Cassandra shrugged. "Just like you do."

"I seem important?" Robin laughed and frowned at the girl in good humor. Maybe this was her chance to get on their good side. "Well, I'm not. I'm just another roommate, a girl like everyone else. No, actually… I'm more useful as a roommate than most people. I know a few things that make life around here easier, as well as some pretty neat magic."

"Really?! You… would show us some of the things you do in your year?" Now both girls actually looked positively delighted. "What's your favorite subject?"

"Potions." Robin was quick to reply. "But I do like herbology and charms and defense against the dark arts as well."

"I feel like we're gonna get along great." Cassandra smiled brightly. "I promise we're not gonna annoy you! Right, Jorien?"

"Yeah, sure…" The quiet girl shrugged, but with a smile. "I've always liked older people better anyway."

At that, Robin felt pleased. She'd always liked older people better too. Ironic, if one considered that she was here to protect two younger girls now. "I won't bother you either, no worries. But seeing as I remember how difficult my own first year here was, as a muggle born among people who've known magic all their lives, I… would like to offer my help, if you ever should need it. "

"YOU are muggle born?!" Cassandra's jaw literally dropped, and Jorien's surprise was a little more subtle.

"Yes. And I know how difficult that can be, so if you need an ally, I'm right here."

Both girls smiled at that, and Robin smiled too. There had been a fifty fifty chance that they'd just frown at her in distaste upon her offer, and she was honestly glad that her directness had paid off. Maybe they would actually come to see something like a prefect in her. Or a tutor, in a way.

"Oh god, we forgot to tell her the thing!" Cassandra suddenly blurted out with wide eyes directed at her friend. "Professor Snape will kill us!"

"Snape only looks like he will kill you, but I can assure you that he will not. Remind me to give you a few survival tips for potions class at some point." Robin smirked. "And are you supposed to tell ME the thing?"

"Yeah… I cannot believe I forgot that!" Cassandra rolled her eyes and dropped her head into her neck. "Professor Snape wants you to go to the headmaster's office."

"Oh?" Robin's eyebrows rose in surprise. "Did he give a specific time for me to be there? What… time is it even?"

"It's half past nine in the evening. Still Sunday. In case you weren't sure." Jorien immediately replied, and Robin found herself impressed with the thoughtfulness of that reply.

"He only said you should go to the headmaster's office as soon as you were awake." Cassandra shrugged. "So… I guess if you don't tell them that you've been awake for a while, we won't get into trouble."

"I won't tell on you, don't worry." Robin sighed and rose back onto her feet. "But I better get cleaned up now. I wouldn't want Dumbledore to see me in my pajamas as well." The suspicious silence that followed upon Robin's statement spoke for itself, and while she moved to collect everything she needed for a shower and getting dressed from her trunk which had been moved here some time while she had been asleep, she added, "Just ask when you have a question. I don't bite."

"When you say 'as well'... Do you mean someone other than us?" It was Jorien who asked, to Robin's surprise, but not at all to her dismay.

"I mean that too many people have seen me in my pajamas in the last twenty four hours." Robin replied with a laugh. "Hagrid, for example." Somehow, she didn't need them to know that she had spent most of the night in Snape's laboratory. That piece of information was better left between her and him alone. But she also wouldn't lie if they asked about it, she never lied.

"I think your pajamas are cool." Cassandra replied easily.

"Very smooth, Cas…" Jorien whispered to her friend next to her on the bed, while Robin finally walked towards the door with a change of clothes under her arm. With another quick smile at the two girls, she made for the showers at last.

… … …

"Do come in!" Dumbledore called from inside his office, in reply to Robin's knocking, and she did so without hesitation. "Miss Mitchell, it is good to see you."

"Good evening, headmaster." Robin greeted politely as she stepped up to his desk. She'd decided to wear black jeans with a white blouse and a grey jumper for the occasion, as a change to the pajamas. "I was told that Professor Snape wished for me to find you."

"Indeed, he and I both deemed it best that I speak with you first before any decisions are made."

"Speak with me about what exactly, sir?"

"About consequences. I was told in sufficient detail about the occurrences of last night when Professor Snape came to consult me in the matter of an appropriate punishment. In fact, he suggested that you should decide about the fate of your tormentors yourself." Dumbledore said easily, with a mild expression and an inquiring look.

Robin's eyes widened at that, and her heart skipped a beat. "He did what?! I mean… why?"

"Professor Snape believes that it would be best for everyone to leave the decision up to you."

"And you don't?" Robin inquired with a curious half smile. "Is that why I'm here?"

Dumbledore's own smile widened and he nodded once before he replied. "I do not doubt Severus' decision to trust you, Miss Mitchell. However I am curious to know how he was led to leave the choice of punishment up to you, and that is why I wished to speak with you first."

"So you really wish for me to decide over the fate of… how many people exactly?"

"Seventeen." He replied calmly, but the number felt like a punch to the stomach to Robin. Considering there were only 23 people in her year in Slytherin, 17 was a lot.

"I don't know, sir…" She frowned to herself first, then at Dumbledore. "Do I really have to do this?"

"Severus told me that you do not harbor any desire for revenge, which is quite astonishing in my eyes."

"Because a Slytherin is always supposed to seek revenge?" Robin asked almost a little bitterly, but not enough to make her sentiment clearer than it already was.

"Because going by the accounts of what was done to you, it only seems reasonable to feel a desire for revenge indeed."

"Well, I don't." Robin shrugged. "I feel a desire for this to be over, and for it to never repeat itself."

"And you wouldn't deem revenge an appropriate way to achieve that?" He inquired with a humored subtone to his voice, and folded his hands on his desk.

"Revenge isn't an appropriate way to achieve anything but momentary satisfaction. There's no gain in it, only suffering on either end." Robin replied without even thinking much about it. She's had that conversation too often already. "Professor Snape knows that, he taught me that even. I really don't know why he wants me to pick the punishment."

"And yet the choice is entirely yours." Dumbledore smiled that signature small smile of his. "He put their fate in your hands, and so do I."

Robin took a deep, conscious breath, and thought for a moment. Her heart jumped at the thought that Snape really wanted her to decide, that he deemed her choice better than his own. She didn't want to disappoint him… but she also didn't want to disappoint herself.

"There is nothing that would excuse or make up for what they did. Nothing at all." She finally spoke up again, and Dumbledore listened intently to what she had to say. "And quite frankly, I don't believe that any punishment will make them doubt their own actions. So I… have to think of myself."

"And what do you mean by that?" Now the headmaster looked sincerely curious, not in the superior 'I know what you're going to say anyway' kind of way, but like he truly didn't understand what Robin was going for. She liked that.

"If their fate is mine to choose, I will make a selfish choice." She went on, and Dumbledore frowned. "I want to forgive them."

The old man's eyebrows rose in surprise and he kept looking at Robin for a painfully long moment, before he turned towards one of the moving paintings and ordered the man in it to find Snape and tell him to come to the headmaster's office in an instant. Robin's heart squeezed painfully… had she done something wrong? Wasn't this an option she could choose? Somehow the silence in the office felt too thick for Robin to breathe.

"Now, what leads you to say that forgiveness is a selfish choice?" Dumbledore finally asked, and Robin's attention returned from the decorum of the office back to the man behind the desk.

"Because they won't take it seriously anyway… My forgiveness is nothing to them. Honestly, they'll probably laugh at me for being such a pansy. I thought about it in the shower, which, uh, you probably didn't need to know, but anyway, I came to the conclusion that I need to forgive them if I want to move on and leave all of this behind me. So really, I'm just-" Robin was cut off by a knock on the door, and the entrance of Professor Snape.

"Ah, Severus, you were quick." Dumbledore mused with a pleased smile.

"I happened to be nearby." Snape replied, but his eyes stayed on Robin as he came to stand next to her in front of the headmaster's desk.

"Miss Mitchell just wanted to explain why she would like to forgive her tormentors rather than punish them." The pleased smile on Dumbledore's face widened while Snape on the other hand looked mildly surprised and even less content with what he was hearing, but Dumbledore ignored him entirely. "Do go on with your reasons, by all means."

"Uh…" Robin suddenly felt insecure about her choice, seeing as Snape's reaction was rather mixed. But she was doing this for herself for once. "I have to forgive them if I want to move on with my life without dragging the weight of this on my shoulders. And I have to do it now, or I might never. Grudges grow, and they're harmful more than helpful. I want to be better than them."

"You are better than them by any means, you don't have to prove that!" Snape replied in a low hiss that really sounded all but pleased. "They don't deserve your forgiveness, not even half of it."

"But I do." The words came from somewhere beyond Robin even as she spoke them, but she felt they were true. "You are absolutely right, they don't deserve my forgiveness. But I deserve to forgive, I need to forgive. Because if I don't, I will become exactly that thing I'm so afraid of becoming. You know it's true… you saw it."

Another moment of silence. Snape looked at Robin in the most enigmatic way possible, Robin held his gaze in determination that she was doing the right thing, and Dumbledore watched the scene in front of his desk with great interest.

"It is your choice. I do not have to approve of it, even if it is terribly righteous. Naive. Idealistic." Snape finally spoke up, back in perfect neutrality, and Robin let out a breath in relief. At least he wasn't completely upset with her.

"But isn't that exactly why you left the choice to her in the first place, Severus, because you knew that she would make a wiser choice than you and me?" Dumbledore asked in what almost sounded like humor, upon which Snape scowled and rolled his eyes in return. So that was a yes. The headmaster turned to Robin. "Forgiving is perhaps one of the greatest acts of courage, and no matter what your peers might say about it, you should keep in mind that it renders you stronger than any form of punishment could have."

"It's only self-preservation." Robin shrugged in return. "I'm not that noble, I just don't want to be angry and afraid for the rest of my time in Hogwarts. As I said, it's a selfish choice."

"And yet it's a wise choice not everyone is strong enough to make." Dumbledore replied with a cryptic expression, and Robin wondered for a brief moment what she was missing here. But he continued before she could ponder over it any more. "However I do agree with Severus in one aspect, namely that it would be naive to think that they wouldn't attempt a similar thing with a different person at a different time."

"Unfortunately there is little to no chance that those horrid creatures will learn from their mistake, seeing as they are not even aware of what exactly they did." Snape added, with a pointed expression at Dumbledore instead of Robin for once.

"Miss Mitchell came to that conclusion as well, before you arrived here, and both of you are absolutely right. This is not an issue solved with a few weeks worth of detention, nor with a letter to the parents. I hardly believe that any of the pureblood families would find the torture of a muggle born as condemnable as we do."

"May I make a suggestion?" Robin asked before she thought, but then again, she had thought about it quite extensively before arriving here.

"You have an idea, Miss Mitchell?" Dumbledore wondered, and Snape also turned back towards her.

"Just because I didn't choose to punish them doesn't mean I didn't think about an effective way to do so." She shrugged in return, feeling a little weird with both men's fullest attention on her. "I mean… I had a thought. It's probably inappropriate, and it's not what you would consider a traditional punishment."

"Do go on." Snape was the first to reply, as he looked down at Robin with curiosity and the faintest amusement, while Dumbledore for once looked mildly irritated. Honestly, had they expected Robin not to think about what she could do to those people?! She wasn't a saint, for hell's sake!

"Well, I was doing this experiment in my mind on my way here, and I asked myself what could possibly even have a chance to suffice to make them understand what they did. And it was fairly obvious from there." She shrugged.

"Elaborate."

"Yes, I would appreciate that as well."

"Well, just like you said, they don't know what they truly did. They think it was a funny prank that scared a classmate." Robin went on in her most factual voice. "And as we've discovered last night, it is nigh impossible to really understand what happened without experiencing it. So I thought the only thing that could make them understand what they have done, which in return is the only way for them to possibly realize that it was wrong, would be to let them have the same experience. Now, I do of course realise that I cannot and do not even want to curse those people as they have cursed me. But there is always the shortcut to having people feel and see what someone else has been through."

"Do you realize what you are suggesting there?" Dumbledore asked with a frown in return.

"Of course I do. But seeing as Professor Morgan was able to try demonstrating legilimency on me a few years ago, I reasoned that it would not be a forbidden procedure to do on students." Robin answered almost easily. "I thought about it. They don't have to see all of my memories of last night, but the basics should suffice. Really, feeling the terrors and the pain they caused themselves is hardly even punishment. Just like touching a hot stove… it doesn't hurt at first, but still the pain always comes with utmost certainty. Like casting a spell against a mirror."

"And you have had this idea all this time while we have been talking, and still chose to forgive them instead?" Dumbledore asked again, in as much astonishment as his ever-calm features would show.

"Yeah. As I said, I have no desire for revenge. This idea wasn't as much an idea as merely me being curious about what it would take to maybe make them understand." Robin shrugged again, and offered the headmaster a half smile. "I still stick with my choice to forgive. But I also have no intention to let them stab me in the back twice. You were looking for a possibility to prevent them from doing this again, and I merely made a suggestion. If you deem it inappropriate, that's perfectly fine."

"Actually I do deem it very appropriate, even if for the mere sake of your reasoning. We indeed cannot and will never torture a student in this school, but it is our responsibility to act as a mirror for their own choices and actions." Dumbledore said seriously and leaned forward onto his desk while keeping his eyes on Robin. "But are you certain you want them to know of your emotions and memories, Miss Mitchell? Surely the events must have been quite terrible, if not traumatic."

"Well, they only have power over me if they keep me from speaking up, right?" Robin replied with a quick glimpse at the potions professor next to her, barely catching sight of a very subtle not-smirk. He definitely liked her idea, she could tell by the mere fact that he didn't call it idiotic. That was as much approval as she would get with a third party present.

"Placing images and emotions in someone else's mind is a difficult task that takes a long time to master even for doing so with one person at a time. It doesn't suffice to take a mere look, there are higher skills involved." Dumbledore stated with a look at Robin, then at Snape. "With every due respect to Miss Mitchell's skills, I doubt that she would be able to accomplish such a task. By herself, that is."

"If it is your wish that this idea be executed, I will see to its completion." Snape replied dutifully, and Robin wondered for a brief moment if they really intended to listen to her stupid idea. Again.

"Uh, so… my choice to just forgive them is out of the window?" Robin asked before she could help it.

"If it was, I would personally curse every single one of them myself." Snape growled in return, and Robin couldn't help wondering if he was this protective of every student in his house or if it was only her. She hoped for both at once, with different parts of herself, and certainly with different motivations behind it.

"Maybe see this measure as an extension of your choice. They will be forgiven, and therefore given the chance to grow from their mistakes." Dumbledore smiled that small smile at Robin again, and she was starting to believe that it was his version of Snape's scowl and her own neutrality.

"I can do that…" She mused in return. "Thank you, sir."

"So be it." Dumbledore sighed, sat up straight and then leaned back in his chair. "I leave the rest up to you, Severus."

"Very well."

Then they said their goodnights to the headmaster, and Robin followed Snape out of the office and down the stairs in silence for a while, until she just couldn't keep the comment to herself anymore.

"Professor Dumbledore is way too good at twisting realities." She stated, unsure if Snape even heard her despite walking through the empty hallways directly next to her now. "That man could sell you anything and still convince you that it was your own idea."

"Very true." He replied though, and Robin smiled to herself.

"I hope I didn't disappoint you by choosing forgiveness over revenge." She said after a while.

"You only would have disappointed me if you had chosen like I would have. Now, as… reluctant as I am to admit it, I believe you are correct about sparing yourself pain by forgiving. You made the right choice, Miss Mitchell. Don't let me or anyone else tell you differently."

"Thank you for giving me the choice in the first place."

"It was the reasonable thing to do."

"So… do you think my idea will actually make them reconsider their actions?"

"If it doesn't, there is nothing else that could." He sighed, and suddenly stopped walking right in the crossing of hallways. "However I was surprised that you suggested it in the first place."

"Why?"

"Because, all things considered, it could very well have been my own idea."

Robin couldn't help smiling at his words. "It's a compliment that you deem the idea that good, but an insult that you're so surprised about it."

"I am not surprised that you had a good idea!" He rolled his eyes exaggeratedly, and Robin had to smile even more. "I am surprised that you would share your memories and emotions so willingly."

"I won't. You will." She shrugged. "I don't know a thing about legilimency, unfortunately, and definitely not enough to cast a spell over seventeen people at once."

"Indeed. However it is all the more surprising that you seem to have no issue with me deciding what your classmates shall see."

"It's not surprising at all. I trust you, and I trust you to know what they need to see and what not. For all I care, they can know everything that happened up to the point where Hagrid dragged me away from the lake."

"Even-"

"Yes." Robin nodded before he could even say it out loud. "Even that. They must know, and they must feel it. But I'd rather not have anyone but you and me know that I attacked you with a saucepan."

"Likewise." He replied with a not-smirk he didn't even try to hide. "Though we should discuss the appropriateness of your choice of weaponry at some point."

"I literally didn't have any other choice!" Robin protested with a laugh. "I was terrified, and there was nothing else I could protect myself with."

"It is good to see that you chose to protect yourself at all. Doubting reality is a wise thing to do. The world is full of deceit."

"I know." Robin's lips tugged into a small smile, as she wondered whether Snape knew that she was aware in return that his scowls and indifference were mostly facades. He probably knew… their discussion in the beginning of the school year had been a good enough indicator.

"I will summon all seventeen individuals to the potions classroom after dinner tomorrow, then we shall see how well they take the consequences of their own actions."

"Would you like me to be there or stay absent?"

"That is your own choice. But I would prefer to have you there."

"Okay." Robin replied quietly, smiling, in the hope that her tone didn't betray her. She really needed to find a way to suppress the desperate leaping of her heart, the tingles all over her skin, the idiotic grin on her face. Or simply get better at hiding it, if this would become a normal occurrence now. Somehow, she had a strong idea that it would.

_____________________________

Tags:

@ayamenimthiriel @chibi-lioness @t-sunnyside @alex4555 @purpledragonturtles

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[i-just-love-spop]

...and then I found you. [Part two]

Part one | Part three

“Good luck?” Adora mumbled.

Was that a thing you said in a situation like this?

She wasn’t sure.

“Yeah, and, uh... Don’t die?” Catra added, more as a joke than anything – then she gulped. She’d never thought about that much before, but... “Can you die during childbirth? Is that- is that a thing that can happen?”

Judging from the look Asa was giving them, that was apparently actually a thing.

The brunette felt her blood run cold.

Melog curled up at her feet and wailed.

“You can?!” Adora shrieked.

“IT’S NOT VERY LIKELY, AND NOBODY IS GOING TO DIE!” Bow yelled.

“Oh, you might be wrong about the nobody dying part,” Glimmer grumbled under her breath as her pain once again eased off a bit. “If these two keep it up, there might be a murder.”

—

Actually less a request than just the result of me and @darkmasterofcupcakes talking about Glimbow (and stubborn Glimmer that would insist on still working until literally the last minute of her pregnancy) for way too long that spiraled into a huge fic. This is the second out of three parts because this spiraled into another almost four thousand words and would have been way too long if I added what I have planned for the last part.

Companion fic to “One night, I wished upon a star...” which completes the title.

There’s a bit more Catradora in this chapter than there was in the last one, but this is still mainly a Glimbow-fic.

Fun fact about the healer’s name, Asa, by the way: it’s a gender neutral name that means “healer”/“physician” in Hebrew, so their name is also a pun, just not as obviously as everyone else’s.

Summary: Glimmer is very freaked out and having her baby.

Bow is extremely worried and trying to stay calm.

Adora and Catra are trying to help, but are actually just stressing their friends out even more.

Asa really, really wishes they’d picked a different career.

(There is also cursing in this part, unsurprisingly.)

—

“No, you don’t understand! Glimmer is having the baby!”

Adora was panicking. And she was also really, really bad at explaining the situation to the poor healer, who was shaking their head and just extremely confused at this point.  

“You said that already. And tell me again why you’re running around as She-Ra?”

There was no real need to panic that much, but telling Adora that wouldn’t have been of much use – she had an immense lack of medical knowledge when it came to most topics, and explaining things to her properly often took hours. Asa had learned that the hard way over the course of the last few years.

“I- uh-” Adora gulped and hid the sword behind her back. She was so nervous she didn’t even remember she had the ability transform back if she wanted to. ”I might have destroyed a wall on the way here, because the corridors led the other way and I needed to be fast, but it wasn’t a supporting one? I think?”

She was full-on rambling now, grinning sheepishly.

Asa just shook their head.

“Why did I even ask...” They looked at She-Ra again. Nothing the young woman had said so far had explained anything about the situation, and the healer was extremely confused now. “Tell me again why you came here instead of Bow and Glimmer if she’s having the baby?”

Asa still didn’t understand what was going on.

Adora gave up.

“You know what? Forget it. Just... grab the medical supplies.“

They listened, despite their confusion, and grabbed a first-aid set.

“...okay? Now what?”

She-Ra just grabbed Asa by the arm and dragged them along after her.

—

Bow was pretty sure he hadn’t been this freaked out since they’d traveled to space to save Glimmer from Horde Prime’s ship so many years ago.

He needed the others to be back, immediately – especially Adora because there was absolutely no way he could do this without a healer.

He would if he had to, but he really, really hoped it wouldn’t come to that.

Glimmer was in so much pain, and it was terrifying.

She was usually way too stubborn to admit that she was in pain at all – he vividly remembered that one time when they were younger that she’d broken her arm on a scouting mission and had insisted the entire way back that she was okay and it barely hurt despite the fact that she was unable to move it. ...and that was just one out of several similar examples.

He could, however, only remember about two occasions where he’d actually seen her scream or cry in pain that were even close to comparable to this – one of them had been a teleporting mishap when she was younger, and the other had been when she’d taken a blast to the chest to protect him, which he still felt guilty about so many years later. Both of these incidents had involved several broken bones and had required immediate surgery... and she’d almost died in the second one.

So that she was in this much pain right now was, well... terrifying, to say the least.

He’d read several books on the topic, and they all said that labor was painful, but ‘painful’ wasn’t exactly a great measuring unit for anything.

Was it supposed to be this bad? Was she supposed to be in so much pain? Or was something wrong with her or the baby?

Stars, he was having a really hard time thinking straight at the moment.

Especially since Glimmer was somewhere between screaming and crying the entire time.

“I’m dying. I’m dying! I DON’T WANT TO DIE ON A FUCKING TABLE!”

He stroked his thumb over the back of her hand.

“You’ll be okay, I promise. And you’re not going to die.”

He was trying to calm himself down as much as her. Stars, he’d not expected this to be so scary.

...and maybe it wouldn’t have been, hadn’t it happened in the meeting room instead of her own room or the healers’ chamber.

But that didn’t matter now. The situation was what it was, and they kind of had to work with that. ...no matter how much the thought of maybe having to deliver the baby himself made him panic.

“You just need to remember how to breathe, okay? Just like we practiced.”

Bow’s smile felt weak even to him.

Glimmer squeezed his hand a little too tight and let out another scream, but slowly, very slowly, she started breathing steadier.

That was something, at least.

What was taking the others so long?

‘I swear to the stars, they saved Etheria faster than this...’

—

The door flung open.

“Sorry, I wanted to be here sooner, but Melog was trying to be helpful, and, spoilers, they weren’t, so I spent several minutes collecting the pillows from the floor again. Twice,” Catra mumbled sheepishly as she entered, arms full of pillows.

Melog meowed in protest.

“I- listen, we can discuss this later, okay? Now is not the time.” She handed Bow the pillows and a sterile blue blanket that was still packaged. “Here you go.”

He let out a sigh of relief.

“Thank you.”

This was a start, at least. The situation was still more than awful, and he really, really needed Adora to come back quickly... but it was a start.

He took the next few minutes to make his wife as comfortable as it was possible to be on a meeting room table.

Meanwhile, Catra got closer to the table and awkwardly forced herself to maybe try and have a normal conversation, despite the situation.

When she looked at Glimmer’s ashen face that was distorted with pain, the brunette’s heart dropped to her gut.

“Shit, you...” She gulped. “I thought you looked bad at the meeting, but... holy shit.”

The brunette was immensely startled by how awful her friend looked.

“Thanks Catra, THAT IS IMMENSELY HELPFUL RIGHT NOW!”

Glimmer knew she looked awful, considering how awful she felt, she didn’t really need anyone to tell her about it to remind her of it constantly.

Maybe Glimmer would feel bad for yelling at everyone around her so much later.

Right now, she didn’t.

In the slightest.

Catra flinched.

“Right. Sorry. You look great...?” She grinned sheepishly. “I really like what you, uh, did with your hair?”

She had no clue how to deal with the situation.

Glimmer just grimaced.

“...would you please just shut up?“

She groaned.

“Right. Sorry.” Catra rubbed the back of her neck. “I’m... not great with stuff like this.”

“You don’t say.”

This was probably the most deadpan way Glimmer had ever spoken.

“...should I give you guys some space? I’m going to give you space, I should check what’s keeping Adora so long. I’ll be right back.”

She waved awkwardly and backed out of the room.

Melog followed her immediately.

—

“Is this better?” Bow asked when he was finished setting the pillows.

“A little?” Glimmer sobbed, hugging one of the pillows to her chest. The one under her head did a lot to increase her comfort, and the blanket also helped a lot, but... “I just want my bed.”

“I know, sweetie. I know.“ He kissed her forehead. “Later. I promise.”

“But I want it now...”

Her husband sighed.

“Yeah, I know that, too. And I swear, if we could arrange that, I would do it in a heartbeat. But we kind of have to make do with what we have.” He squeezed her hand. “Tell me again why you scheduled a meeting one week before your due date in the first place?”

Maybe distracting her with talking to her would help a little. And even if it didn’t help much, he was still genuinely curious.

He’d already made a mental note to check with their friends and the guards more often when they had their next child – they’d both agreed they wanted more than one relatively early on –, because he was not going to be surprised by another ‘oh by the way, we have a meeting tomorrow at six in the morning’ one week before his wife’s due date ever again, especially not after this.

Glimmer groaned, but she responded anyway.

“Well, I didn’t think we’d spend a week discussing stuff, or that she’d be early...”

Bow raised an eyebrow.

“You know she might not even be early because the due date is just an estimate, right?”

“...huh?” Now that she thought about it... “Shit, Asa did say something like that in one of the earlier checkups and I completely forgot about it.” Glimmer groaned. “I’m such an idiot...”

Really, she had no one but herself to blame for the situation – but she was having a hard time dealing with the pain, and screaming at the world made it a little easier.

When the next contraction hit, she squalled in pain and squeezed his hand again, way too tight, and she knew if she kept this up she would probably end up breaking his fingers, but he just smiled through the firm squeeze and rubbed the back of her hand again.

“It will be okay. And you’re not an idiot. A bit forgetful? Maybe. Way too stubborn? Definitely. But I wouldn’t have you any other way. ...even if it results in our first baby being born in the meeting room.” He chuckled at the absurdity of the situation and squeezed her hand. “I love you Glim. Always have, always will. No matter what.”

“I could just about strangle someone right now because HOLY FUCK THIS HURTS SO MUCH-” She forced herself to take a deep breath and smiled weakly. “But I love you, too, sweetie.”

—

Maybe one minute passed, maybe five, but it felt like an eternity of anxious waiting until the door finally flung open again.

“So, uh, the good news is, I found Adora. And she brought Asa! And medical supplies!” Catra reported when she came in.

“Stars, thank you,” Glimmer sighed.

That was a huge relief.

“The bad news is, uh-“

She-Ra entered after her wife, waving awkwardly.

“Hiii.”

She hid the sword behind her back.

Bow and Glimmer stared at her for a moment.

“Why are you transformed?” Adora was about to reply when Bow lifted his hands. “You know what? I don’t even want to know. Please just keep the weapon away from my wife and the baby, thank you.”

“Yeah, of course. And good, I won’t tell you! Good! I was just...” She stopped mid-sentence. “Holy shit, Glimmer, you look-”

She broke off when her wife gently nudged her in the ribs and shook her head. Instead of finishing the sentence, Adora just gave an awkward thumbs up.

Glimmer groaned and glared at her friends.

“I hate you both.”

“No, she doesn’t,” Bow said, shaking his head.

“Does anyone else want to remind me how awful I look? Bow? Asa? Anyone?!”

Asa, who had entered just after Adora, facepalmed and shook their head as they walked up to the table.

“No, thanks, we’re good.” They looked at Glimmer. “So, judging from the pillows and her apparently extremely close contractions, we’re delivering the baby on the meeting room table, aren’t we?”

Everyone nodded.

Asa facepalmed again.

“...I’ve known you guys long enough. Honestly, what was I expecting.”

“...well this is going to be the fastest delivery I’ve ever helped with,” the healer murmured after they‘d checked Glimmer, choosing to put off asking why the couple had waited until the baby was crowning to call for medical staff.

Their best guess was probably Glimmer‘s stubbornness. That was how they explained most things that had happened since they’d first met Glimmer back when she was ten.

“I- uhm... we’ll be... waiting outside? I guess? Call us if you need anything?”

Adora backed away slightly.

She had no idea what she was supposed to do in this situation. They’d never really talked about who was supposed to be present during the birth of the baby – not that that was a topic they’d discussed a lot in general, and even if they had, the situation would have been way different if the place the baby was being born wasn’t a meeting room table –, and now she wasn’t sure if they were supposed to leave or to stay, but she also knew that listening to Glimmer scream was freaking her the fuck out, and she couldn’t take it anymore.

Judging from Catra’s facial expression, her wife felt the same way.

“We‘ll be right outside the door, so just call if you need us, okay?”

Catra added, and Melog meowed some sort of reassurance that no one except Catra understood.

“Good luck?” Adora mumbled.

Was that a thing you said in a situation like this?

She wasn’t sure.

“Yeah, and, uh... Don’t die?” Catra added, more as a joke than anything – then she gulped. She’d never thought about that much before, but... “Can you die during childbirth? Is that- is that a thing that can happen?”

Judging from the look Asa was giving them, that was apparently actually a thing.

The brunette felt her blood run cold.

Melog curled up at her feet and wailed.

“You can?!” Adora shrieked.

Her face went chalk-white. The thought made her so sick she felt like throwing up was very definitely a possibility right now, and her emotions were completely all over the place, so much that She-Ra disappeared and regular Adora was back – which, all things considered, was probably for the best.

“IT’S NOT VERY LIKELY, AND NOBODY IS GOING TO DIE!” Bow yelled.

That was not something he wanted to be thinking about right now, and despite knowing that it was extremely unlikely, the fact that Catra had just brought it up made him freak out all over again and the mental image would probably be haunting him for weeks, even if Glimmer was fine afterwards.

Which she would be.

She’d be fine.

Bow closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

‘I think I just forgot how to breathe for a moment.’

“Oh, you might be wrong about the nobody dying part,” Glimmer grumbled under her breath as the pain once again eased off a bit. “If these two keep it up, there might be a murder.”

Asa decided now was probably the time to interfere.

“Glimmer is going to be okay. I know the pain she’s going through right now seems scary, but it’s nothing out of the ordinary given the situation. You two can stay in here if you want, or you can wait outside, but please just decide now, and whatever you do, don’t stress her out even more by talking about the possibility her dying in front of her. She will not die, and this is not exactly helpful right now.”

“Yeah, I- Right. We‘ll be- outside or something,” Catra mumbled, just as shaken up by the information that apparently, there was a possibility – however small it might be – that Glimmer could die, as her trembling wife was.

She put an arm around Adora and rubbed her back when they left the room, both knowing that they wouldn’t go very far because if something went wrong while they were away, they’d never forgive themselves.

—

“Can I have some pain meds? Can I please have some pain meds?” Glimmer begged as soon as they’d left the room.

She hadn’t really dared to ask while her friends had still been in here, considering how terrified they’d already been, but she couldn’t take the pain a second longer.

Asa looked at her deadpan.

“My apologies, your Majesty.” That already wasn’t a very good sign. The healer usually just called her Glimmer because they’d known each other since Glimmer was little, and when it came to formal titles, they were usually only brought up when Asa was either annoyed or about to tell the then-princess and now-Queen something that she didn’t want to hear, or both. “I could have done that if you came into the healers’ chamber, like, two hours ago. By the time they would start working, you’ll be long done with the delivery.”

Glimmer felt sick. She was terrified. There was absolutely no way she could do this without medication.

“No, that’s fine. Just give me some pain meds. The baby can stay in there a little longer until the meds kick in!”

It wasn’t a rational or realistic idea, and somewhere deep inside her head, she knew that, but she was so freaked out that she would have done pretty much anything for at least a gleam of hope that she wouldn’t have to do it like this.

She was also in massive denial, plain and simple.

"Keep telling yourself that, because that's really not something you get to decide...“

Realistically speaking, the Queen had up to a couple of minutes at max, probably less, until her body would do the job for her, no matter how much she tried to resist. No matter how stubborn the Queen was, she couldn’t go against her body’s natural instincts. That wasn’t how that worked.

Asa shook their head. They really, really should have chosen a different career.

Glimmer just sobbed.

"Please... You have to give me something, because it literally feels like I'm being torn in half right now..."

“Isn’t there anything you can do?” Bow asked, squeezing Glimmer’s hand again.

He couldn’t stand seeing his wife in so much pain.

Asa shook their head.

“I’m sorry, but I really don’t have anything that would take effect before the baby is born, so that would be kind of useless... that won’t change, no matter how often or how nicely you ask.”

Bow was actually a reasonable, sensible guy most of the time – he was probably the only one out of this group of four friends that was; at least when it came to injuries.

Asa liked him a lot.

That didn’t change the fact that there wasn’t anything they could do about the situation.

Glimmer just sobbed. Her husband rubbed her hair.

“I’m such an idiot. I should have realized something was off with the whole practice contractions-situation...”

Bow felt awful.

“Yeah, or maybe I should have just told you what was going on when I figured it out, but what difference does that make now?!“

The love of her life feeling guilty about something out of his control just made her feel worse, not better.

She just wanted this to be over...

“It will be over soon, Glimmer, I promise,” Asa said and smiled at her encouragingly. “Just stay awake, breathe and push when I tell you to, okay? Your body will do most of this on its own, anyway. You’ll get through this.”

The Queen got on their last nerve sometimes, but Asa had known her for a long time, and at the end of the day, Glimmer was a good person that they liked a lot, even if she drove them crazy most of the time.

“You can do this,” Bow said, squeezing her hand again.

Glimmer took a deep breath and closed her eyes, still immensely terrified, but also determined now.

“Okay... Okay. I can do this. I can do this.”

—

“Do you think we should go check on them again?”

Catra and Adora were sitting against the door just outside the room, leaning against each other.

The blonde was anxious.

Glimmer being in pain freaked her out, the whole possibility of death during childbirth freaked her out even more and that she was unable to actively help made things so much worse.

Catra was hugging Adora with one arm and petting the equally terrified Melog with the other arm to calm them down a bit.

Neither of them wanted to be far away from Glimmer and Bow, especially in case something went wrong, and they needed She-Ra’s healing powers, or more pillows, or-

The fact that Catra was just about the same level of scared and anxious and restless as her wife and Melog definitely didn’t help the situation, either.

The brunette nodded as her body tensed up again.

“I mean, maybe they need something!”

They had to check on them to make sure Glimmer was still alive. Immediately.

“Right?!”

Both of them got up simultaneously, Melog jumping up and exchanging some worried words with Catra as their emotion indicator fur turned red again, and all three of them all but broke down the door together when they entered the room.

—

Asa groaned when the door flung open.

‘Not this again...’

This was the third time that Catra and Adora had walked in during the past five minutes, and each time they’d only taken a quick look at their friends to then immediately walk out again.

"Listen, you two, I really do need to concentrate right now, and so does Glimmer, and this distraction of you constantly entering the room to then leave it again is not helping, so either you take a seat and stay or you remain outside from now on."

They were really getting on Asa’s last nerve.

This was the second time today that the healer really, really wished they’d picked a different career.

"But-" Catra started.

She didn’t even get close to finishing the sentence, however, because this was finally the last straw for Glimmer, who had, all things considered, taken a surprisingly long time to blow up at her best friends.

“YOU TWO ARE STRESSING ME OUT MORE THAN THE ACTUAL CHILDBIRTH!” That was not really true because the whole situation felt much more stressful than everything Glimmer had ever experienced and everything hurt way too fucking much, but Adora and Catra were making things way, way worse. She’d had it with these two for today. “SHUT UP AND SIT YOUR ASSES DOWN IMMEDIATELY OR GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE AND STAY OUTSIDE!”

That did it.

The two of them jumped a mile in fright at the time of her voice, then sat down on the floor immediately.

The Queen smiled through her pain in a really weird, but immensely satisfied way.

“Thank you.”

The two women were instantly reminded why they’d continuously left in the first place despite wanting to constantly check on Glimmer when the latter let out another anguished cry.

Catra and Adora just pulled each other close, burying their heads in each other’s shoulders. This was scary.

This was really, really terrifying.

They winced at each of Glimmer’s screams, neither of them daring to look.

Melog was curled up against Catra’s back, whimpering.

It felt like an eternity passed in what was in reality just a couple of – albeit terrifying – minutes.

—

“Just a couple more pushes, okay? You can do it.”

Asa gave the Queen another encouraging smile.

Glimmer groaned, then screamed and clenched her fists. Just a little more. Just a little more and this will all be over.

Bow stroked her hair gently. He had no idea how much pain she was exactly in right now, and he really, really wished it wasn’t this painful for her... but he was also so, so incredibly proud of her.

“It’s almost over, okay? You’re doing great.”

She smiled at him weakly, took a deep breath, let out another scream and closed her eyes to gather every bit of strength left in her body.

—

The next couple of minutes passed in a blur.

And then finally, finally, finally the pain let of and a loud cry filled the room. Soon afterwards, the pain was gone almost entirely.

Glimmer let out a sharp breath.

“Well that was a lot more exhausting than I thought it would be,” she mumbled weakly, sinking back into her heavenly soft pillows.

Then the world went black.

[anistarrose]

Parting Words (Forduary Week 2 - Trust)

AO3: archiveofourown.org/works/23122360

Summary: In the aftermath of Weirdmageddon, Ford writes Bill a letter.

Characters: Ford Pines, Bill Cipher, Stan Pines

Relationships: Bill Cipher & Ford Pines

An extremely late submission to @forduary Week 2: Trust/Paranoia. I got this idea about a year ago, and apparently forgot all about it until yesterday.

***

August 30th, 2012

To the late Bill Cipher:

You will not be missed.

On account of the circumstances under which Stanley killed you, I wasn’t able to share any direct parting words, as it would have obviously revealed our con. This doesn’t rank especially high on my list of regrets — for example, all the individual times I could have spat in your face but failed to do so rank much higher — but it is a regret nonetheless, hence this letter. It’s not quite the same as calling you an arrogant little brat in person, but it will have to suffice.

Stan is doing well, by the way — certainly far better than you. Thanks to Mabel’s stubborn optimism and scrapbooking enthusiasm, he’s made almost a complete recovery. Though some of the details of Weirdmageddon still elude him, I trust that he shared some choice words and a solid left hook with you when the two of you clashed in his mindscape. I’ve seen him get in enough schoolyard fights with cruel, childish, overconfident bullies to know how these things usually go.

But that reminds me, Bill — I’ve been learning some things about trust that I’d like to tell you about.

I was a fool for trusting you, for allowing myself to become a pawn in your scheme, and the blame for accepting your deal lies solely in my own hands. This is no novel realization.

But only within this past week have I began to think about just how much that decision to trust you has skewed my view of trust ever since.

Your betrayal drove me to paranoia; I saw your eyes everywhere I looked. To this day, I still don’t know if you really did manifest in the truck stop, or if it was all a sleep-deprived hallucination.

But you were planting the seeds of distrust even earlier than the reveal of your true nature. You told me that Fiddleford lacked the resolve to follow through with our experiment, and so I kept my secrets away from him and ignored his warnings. He could have foiled your plans, but you knew this — and because you’d seen my memories and nightmares, because you knew how protective I was of my inventions and how paranoid I was about treachery disrupting my research, you knew what to tell me to effectively take Fiddleford out of the picture before we ever openly argued.

Earlier still, you told me I was single greatest mind of the century, that you had chosen to inspire me because of my unmatched intellect — and I bought into that lie without a second thought.

The implication was that everyone else was lesser, not worth my time. Less consciously and more subtly, I bought into that, too.

Even as my self-esteem plummeted like Icarus falling from the sky, even as I regretted every choice that had led me to my current lot in life, that internalized implication stubbornly persisted. “Being a genius means being alone” evolved into “being a hero means being alone.” You said genius happened with occasional help from a friend; my definition of heroism had no such addendum. Friends were vulnerabilities, and confidants were potential backstabbers.

In my mind, I was Achilles, and trust had been the weak spot on my heel. I resolved to never expose that weakness again, except for in the most dire of situations, and it took me far too long to realize how that resolve had been to my own detriment.

Because of you, I spent so many years afraid and alone. I now know that I made myself alone, with my own self-isolating choices — but all too often, they were choices that you conditioned me to make.

I will not, and should not, absolve myself of my deserved share of blame for the apocalypse. But I will not, and I should not, forget that far more of that blame lies with you.

It’s thanks to my family that I’ve been able to recognize all this. It’s especially thanks to Stanley.

He saved the world, and he didn’t do it alone. He is more of a hero than I had ever believed that I could be. He is a liar, and a charlatan, and an identity thief — and despite all this, I trust him unconditionally.

I’m not worried about you coming back, Bill. Stan’s memories have returned, but I don’t think you’ll return with them — because I trust Stan not to let that happen. I know that he is stronger than you, and I trust that he’d never let you out of his mindscape unscathed.

Which brings me to the point of this letter, really. I could (and in the past, I have) hurled expletives into the void, hoping you’ll hear them wherever you are — but today, I have something I want you to know.

I want you to know that I am no longer the isolated, paranoid wreck of a man that you made of me. There are some things you did that I may still take years to recover from, but today, I am surrounded by friends and family new and old, and I trust them all completely.

You are no longer my Muse, Bill. And I am no longer your pawn.

My family and I will be celebrating your death this evening. I would call it your funeral, but that implies a certain degree of both respect and grief, two emotions that no Pines has ever felt towards you.

At Dipper’s suggestion, I’ll be tossing my journals into the Bottomless Pit — but this letter will be going straight into a fire once I’m done writing. I think it has the best chance of reaching you that way.

You’ve never been quite as restrained by linear time as humans are, after all. So maybe there’s a chance these words could still reach you in your dying moments — and if they don’t, it’ll be alright with me. You will know you’re dying and I will know you’re dead, and that’s the important thing.

I would tell you to enjoy hell, but I don’t think that’s quite where you’re headed. Instead, enjoy erasure from existence, leaving behind a world that has bounced back from the havoc you wreaked on it. Enjoy knowing that all your plans to raze our dimension have been for naught. Enjoy knowing that your pawn is free of you, and has learned to trust again. Enjoy knowing that this will be your legacy.

This is Stanford Pines, happily bidding you farewell forever.

P.S. 

Pdbeh qrz brx’yh ohduqhg vrphwklqj derxw wuxvw dqg orqholqhvv, wrr.

[enchantedisabella]

Why Annabeth is not Hermione 2.0

I’ve been wanting to write this post for a long time, because so many people compare Annabeth Chase to Hermione Granger when they’re really nothing alike. Yes, they’re both the smart, female best friends of the main protagonists, but that doesn’t make their personalities identical. Here are my reasons why.

Annabeth has ADHD and dyslexia and is unfocused at times. Hermione has no disorders we know about and is attentive in class. I understand that Percabeth in high school is a very popular headcanon among the pjo fandom, and Annabeth is indubitably ridiculously clever, but she is NOT going to be raising her hands every second of every day in class and she definitely won’t pass every single subject without even trying. I’d be very surprised if she could stay focused for a full lesson. Honestly, I’d expect her to be labelled as even more of a ‘troubled kid’ than Percy, because Percy has spent years in mortal school while Annabeth hasn’t. It would be Annabeth, not Percy, being the one desperately trying to pay attention but the first to lose focus halfway through. Hermione, as we all know, is the exact opposite, and hates when people disrupt classes.

Hermione is a rule-follower at heart. Annabeth is not. We all remember that time when Hermione Badass Granger kept a woman in a jar for a year, right? However, we also remember the numerous times she’s threatened to report Harry and Ron for breaking the rules- mainly in the earlier books, when their friendship isn’t as developed, but she still acts scandalised whenever rule-breaking is brought up. Hermione will break the rules, because she’s a Gryffindor at heart and she will do anything to protect her friends (trap Rita Skeeter in a jar, report the Firebolt to McGonagall because it might have been cursed), but that doesn’t mean she necessarily enjoys it. Annabeth is a different story altogether. In fanon, it’s usually her who is expected to restrain Percy from doing something stupid (like Hermione and Harry’s canon friendship), but in actual pjo canon, it’s the other way around. Annabeth Chase is smart and clever but she’s also prideful, impulsive, and downright reckless, while Hermione is most definitely not. Annabeth will use any excuse to break the rules and sees no point in regulations if they don’t make any sense, and thinks that authority figures should earn her respect. Hermione basically hero-worships all authority figures unless they’re really bad (eg. Snape and Umbridge). It takes a lot for her to rebel against someone in a higher position than her, and she will willingly give teachers her respect even if they haven’t earned it yet.

Hermione is book smart. Annabeth is street smart. I’m not saying that Annabeth doesn’t like to read, because it’s clearly stated in The Lightning Thief or Sea of Monsters (I can’t remember which) that Annabeth reads so much that Percy forgot that she also had dyslexia. However, in school aus, Annabeth would probably not perform that well on tests and she would absolutely not join spelling bees and win, or have we as a fandom collectively forgotten that in SoM, Percy said that Annabeth could have spent the whole night trying to spell ‘cyclopes’ due to the fact that she kept messing up the letters? And if I hear any reasons like ‘they removed her dyslexia because it didn’t fit their fanfiction, and there’s no need to be so pressed about it’, that’s very fucking ableist, for one, and defeats the whole purpose of Rick Riordan (bless him) making the book’s protagonists have ADHD and dyslexia for his son. Also, it says a lot about fans trying to make Annabeth into Hermione 2.0 when she’s very much not, and then fooling themselves into thinking that the girls’ personalities are carbon copies of each other. Hermione is repeatedly described as the brightest witch of her age- she’s deductive, rational and calculated. She has no problem paying close attention to detail. She spurts out so much information in the books that she has been repeatedly compared to ‘swallowing the textbook’, courtesy of Ron. I can’t even imagine how much she would have to memorise to be compared to that. Annabeth would not be capable of that, nor would she even want to be. She would not see the point in memorising facts, because Annabeth Chase learns things by doing, and Hermione Granger learns things from books. In the Philosopher’s Stone, Hermione is distraught at their first flying lesson because she can’t learn it from a book first. You know who wouldn’t be? Hands-on, street smart, capable Annabeth.

Annabeth values knowledge more than Hermione does. Some of you may not understand why this is, but Annabeth is a daughter of Athena and Hermione is a Gryffindor. They have very different learning strategies and if they ever met, they’d be nothing alike and probably wouldn’t even see eye to eye. Hermione canonically scoffs at ‘books and cleverness!’ both in the movies and the books of the Philosopher’s Stone. Hermione is Sorted into Gryffindor because she values bravery over everything else- even knowledge. Annabeth has always put knowledge first. That’s not to say that Annabeth Who-Took-A-Knife-For-Percy Chase isn’t brave, but she values knowledge above else and she’s willing to fight dirty to get it (as is Hermione, but that’s beside the point). It’s understandable that Annabeth would put knowledge above bravery, because of her parentage. Hermione’s choice is also understandable, given the circumstances, and it’s noteworthy that she repeatedly chooses friendship over cleverness in the series just because she knows its importance. Just to reiterate: the girls are different people. Don’t put them as madly competing in your Hogwarts x Camp Half-Blood fanfictions. Do you honestly think Annabeth would compete with Hermione for the best grades in History of Magic, or that Hermione would ever try her hand at sword-fighting and archery? I don’t think so. This might seem like it’s contrasting my point, but Annabeth probably isn’t going to be interested in most of the lessons while they’re taking notes in a classroom without any hands-on work. She doesn’t function like that. She would do well in Charms or Transfiguration and positively shine in Quidditch, not History of Magic or Muggle Studies or Divination. She values knowledge she deems useful, and the only way for knowledge to be deemed useful by her standards is if she used what she’s learnt in practical spells and not note-taking.

Hermione has flexible moral principles. Annabeth’s are set in stone. Hermione is a very complex character. She repeatedly chastises Harry and Ron for breaking school rules on a daily basis, but it was her idea to go through with the Polyjuice Potion in CoS, her decision to keep Rita Skeeter in a jar, her decision to use a Time-Turner to get to all her classes on time. (Well, she also had to appeal to Cornelius Fudge through McGonagall, but it was her idea.) Hermione’s moral code is flexible, to say the least. She won’t break it for mundane days, but will for special occasions, and that’s because she knows that desperate times call for desperate measures. None of her moral code is written in stone. There is always a point where she justifies her behaviour by decreeing that the situation needs it. There is no line that she isn’t willing to cross depending on how bad the situation is. Hermione has a justifiable reason for breaking rules, and though she doesn’t enjoy it, like I said earlier, she will do it of her own accord if the situation calls for it. She has no point where she says to herself, ‘Okay, this is one rule that I’m not going to break no matter what.’ This girl, this brilliant, ruthless girl, is willing to cross every single line if she absolutely must, and that is why she is not at all like Annabeth Chase. Annabeth Chase, whose principles are set in stone. Annabeth Chase, who is prideful and stubborn and who does not compromise her values no matter what. Annabeth is not ruthless; Annabeth is not cruel. She is the embodiment of- not exactly goodness, but fairness and equality. She gives everyone what they deserve. She literally told a Sphinx off for not giving riddles that make you think, but instead asking questions that you just need a certain amount of knowledge of facts to answer. Let that sink in, because it’s the most perfect example I have. Hermione Granger would have answered them quick as a flash and moved on, because it’s an easy way out, she knows all the answers anyway, and she’d probably treat the Sphinx like an authority figure whose test she has to pass, not change. Annabeth Chase, instead, gets offended and demands riddles that make you think because she will not compromise her principles for anyone or anything, and places so much faith in her intelligence (which is why she values it so much) that even if the questions will be harder, she thinks that it’s downright insulting that they aren’t already. She takes it as an insult to her intelligence. Hermione is flexible; Annabeth is hard as stone.

Annabeth has the makings of a hero; Hermione has the makings of a villain. Sure, Hermione started SPEW and cares for the welfare of creatures and is portrayed as sensitive time and time again, but if she believes that what she is doing is right, she will use wrong methods to get to her goal. After all, when the greater good is at stake, who wouldn’t use less morally superior methods to get to it faster? What’s the murder of a few people who deserved it- maybe Bellatrix or Umbridge- when a greater number of lives can be saved? Hermione is unnervingly logical and although she is sensitive, she is not weak. She might feel pity for Sirius’s experience in Azkaban, because he’s ‘good’, in her mind, but would she feel for Bellatrix, who ‘deserved’ it? And of course Bellatrix did deserve it, but Hermione conveniently ignores that they went through the same experience because only Sirius deserves her pity, because he’s good. Hermione wouldn’t sacrifice Sirius for the greater good, but she would sacrifice Bellatrix, and Annabeth wouldn’t, because as I’ve said, Annabeth does not have a flexible moral code. Annabeth would not stand by and sacrifice Bellatrix, because she is still a person in Annabeth’s eyes, but Hermione would, because there is no line she wouldn’t cross. As long as Hermione thinks that what she’s doing is right, she would condone any action to achieve her goal. I think we all know enough about history to know that that is terrifying as fuck. Hermione, under different circumstances, could be a villain; Annabeth would be the hero and do the right thing no matter what.

These two girls are so inherently, intrinsically different that I have trouble wondering why anyone would think that they were anything alike just because they’re smart and friends with the protagonist. There are probably more points, but I’m tired and it’s a school day and I can’t think of anything more to add on. Anyway, thanks for reading this and I hope nobody makes the stupid, stupid mistake of saying that they are in any way similar after reading this, because I could honestly relate Annabeth more to Ron than I could to Hermione.

[shenglingyuan]

interview with priest from 2012

Hello! KK, the leader of GPS Translations(translation group for Imperfections) wanted to share an early interview with Priest. This one dates back to 2012! She talks about the origin of her pen name, her writing style, writing inspirations, and about “writing” smut =w=

You can listen to the audio recording here. Her voice is really cute and sweet!!!

Host(H): Why did you take Priest as your author name? Priest(P): At first, I only had a reader ID. When I registered as an author in Jinjiang(jjwxc), many of the Chinese names I tried were already taken. I took an English book randomly and used the first word I saw, which was “priest”.

H: Really? Just so casually and randomly? I thought it was religious or something like that? P: Really, really. Because I tried some Chinese names and they were all taken and the website system was asking me to add 01, 06, something like that after my Chinese name. It’s quite annoying, so I went to an English one.

H: When did you start writing? P: On the internet, probably 2007.

H: Which one of your work are you most satisfied with? P: What I’ve written, they don’t have much difference to me. I like them all so I really can’t pick up a favorite one. Maybe my favorite one would be something that I haven’t written yet. I hope in the future you can keep supporting me.

H: What genre would you like to try in the future? P: In the future, probably, some weird ancient background or modern background to express reality, I don’t know which one will I choose as my next one.

H: Can you tell us the type of the CP? P: I can tell you that but probably it will change before I finish, because I once liked zhongquan*, but now I don’t know why but I’ve been liking zhagong more. *one of the CP is very loyal to the other one, will spoil and love the other very much  and can do everything for the other *one of the CP only takes advantage of the other’s feelings, doesn’t really love the other one but only use the other half to get a good time H: I’m not really into zhagong but I think I will--- P: So you’re gonna abandon me :( H: No, I will never abandon you!!

H: Do you have an author you like, BL and BG? P: Yes, I do. I think I like quite a lot in BL, maybe I can’t speak them all out loud because if I list it, it will fill a whole paper. I’ve read a lot and I like a lot. I haven’t read BL type a lot recently. Recently I was reading Yu Hua’s book. I liked him a lot, I’m a really a big fan of him

H: So what good novels have you read recently in BL? P: I recently started liking ghost stories for no reason and I read a lot, a lot, a lot of ghost stories but it seems that most of my readers are not really into it.

H: Which one have you read? P: It’s Liu Gan.

H: Someone told me they read ‘Liu Gan’ and they got scared to sleep alone at night. P: Qing Qiu’s ‘Gui Hua Lian Pan’ is quite good. And I read another one, ‘Tong Hua Zhong Lu Si Li Xie Ji Yi Yuan Guai Tan’, and I read this one today.

H: Is there any possibility that you will write horror stories? P: I’m not sure if I’m good at it because no one told me ghost stories in my childhood, so I can just keep reading others for now.

H: An audience is asking, your work often contains a lot of imagination. The multiple subjects and content, are they related to your professional major or hobbies? Take ‘Final Blue-Signet(Zhong Ji Lan Yin)’ as an example. P: Not really related to my major but I’m kind of like a jack of all trades, master of none, so I have quite a lot of hobbies.

H: Another is asking, is Priest a STEM major? Did you feel confused when you wrote ‘Final Blue-Signet’ because of your mixed background? P: You can say so [that I’m a STEM Major]. But I hope you don’t believe my settings too much because I’m just bullshitting. But I’m not feeling confused by it because after all, I’m the one who wrote them.

H: Where did your inspiration came from for writing ‘Final Blue-Signet’? P: I was waiting in line to buy bread and there was an advertisement board opposite it. The ad has a picture that was very very very big and was very very very complicated, and then I just figured out the story for ‘Final Blue-Signet’.

H: What exactly did the picture show? Why would it make you think of ‘Final Blue-Signet’? P: Because I don’t really get the picture, and I can’t figure out why are they drawing those kind of things. I think the complicated thing is like a magical pattern. So, it’s lovely. While I was in the line and I had nothing to so, I just handed out an essay which is very complicated. Then I took out a little notebook and wrote down my settings and started to set for Final Blue-Signet.

H: What about Qi Ye(The Seventh Lord)’s inspiration? P: Actually, it was difficult to write this one. I spent a lot of time and I tried a lot of settings and dropped a lot of settings, but I cherished them so I don’t wanna give up on them. After, I just combined everything together. So the final product is like everything and unlike everything.

H: Can you describe your own writing style? P: You can say that I’m under the “bullshitting” style.

H: Why? How could you call yourself under the “bullshitting” style? P: Because I think I’m bullshitting from settings to the plot, I just make them randomly and very casually. H: So modest. P: No no no I’m really bullshitting style.

H: You must have an outline. Will you change your plot because of what the readers say to you? P: EHHH? I don’t think this question is in the rehearsal. How could you suddenly ask me this question, just because I said I had a bullshitting style? The hope was all for the best at first. I had an outline at the very beginning but almost every part of the outline can’t stand for more than 30,000 words, it just totally goes out of the outline. Whether I will be influenced by my readers ... it depends because some of my novels, I write them in advance and some I write them at the moment. Those that are written at the moment are more easily to be influenced by the readers.

H: Is Liang Jiuxiao in The Seventh Lord really dead? P: Yes, yes, yes, and yes. It’s true. H: He’s a very popular character among your readers and many of your readers think that he has something with his senior brother*? P: They are thinking too much. *this senior brother is Zhou Zishu of Faraway Wanderers/Tian Ya Ke

H:Do you have preference over the type of CP or genre? P: No I don’t have one. If you read my novels, then you’ll know I don’t have a preferred one.

H: Many of us want to ask you a question. Why is there very few sex plots in your novels? When do you plan to write more sex plots? P: There are more and there are less. Actually I wrote them, I just make them less so you can’t see it.

H: No sex plot is really being “deceitful”. P: Well I forgot to say that I’m also a “deceitful” type of writer.

H: So you just erase all the sex plot like that? P: You can say so.

H: When do you plan to write them and do you have any conditions to do it? P: One: until the day I’m finally good at it, and two: when the internet has a rating for different age.

H: You mean you’re afraid of tainting underage readers? P: Yeah, yeah, yeah … I hope that underage readers can see cute media like cartoons or something instead.

H: Another audience question: you have a very busy life, and you update very fast. How could you balance the relationship between writing, your studying, and your life? P: I’m not actually that busy, I like hanging out. I don’t write novels for a very long time a day. In a day, one to two hours tops.

H: How many words can you write in those one or two hours? P: One or two hours is enough for one or two updates.

H: How many words exactly? P: In my bad condition, about 2000 words, if I’m in good condition, more than 3000 words. H: You are so fast! P: Uhhh, right.

H: You never face the difficulty of not knowing what to write? P: I just said my style is “deceitful” plus “bullshitting” so I think this style can make me happy. Also, my stories, the quality is quite low. I have quite a lot of typos.

H: How do you name your characters in your book? P: Mostly, from dictionaries. A book is very handy, too. I think of a page number and line number, which character of the line then I open it. If it’s really weird, I will do it again. If I think it’s okay, then it’s okay.

H: So casual, just like how you chose your pen name. P: Yep yep, but I’m very loyal to the names. Because I can’t remember them all if I have a lot of names.

H: Thank you for your gentle attitude. Is there anything else you want to say to our audience? P: First of all, I wish you all a happy new year and may your wishes come true. I hope everyone can study well and can read less sex plots to protect yourselves.

H: Thank you for coming today, Priest. P: Thanks, thanks, thanks for your hard work!

H: Well thanks for your hard work too!

Priest is the author of Guardian(2012), Sha Po Lang(2015), Silent Reading(2016), Imperfections(2017), Faraway Wanderers(2010), and more. Masterlist of English translations can be found here.

[tonohiyori]

In Defense of Hiyori Tono

DISCLAIMER: do not send me hate over this. The point of this post is to bring attention to a lot of subtle details the show has been offering us, yet have been ignored to feed into the “Hiyori is abusive and toxic” narrative. Do I think that Hiyori was wrong in things he has done and said? I absolutely do. Do I think Hiyori is evil? Absolutely not. This post isn’t necessarily to make everyone love Hiyori or even like him, but I am asking that we view his character critically and not with blind hatred because he has played a role in keeping Ikuya and Haruka apart. Again, if you disagree with this post, that’s fine. But if you send me hate over it, just know that it’ll be deleted and I can guarantee you that it won’t bother me in the slightest. Part of the fun of being in a fandom is being able to debate and bring attention to things you believe may be missed, and I won’t be made to feel like a bad person for that.

Now, buckle up. This is going to get long because people have been nitpicking and here are just my personal thoughts on Hiyori and why people hate him and why some of those reasons I find to be invalid (or I’d at least like to play devil’s advocate to them).

1. Hiyori is not manipulative

I honestly don’t know where the “Hiyori is manipulating Ikuya” thing came from, because we haven’t seen any proof of that. People are citing the fact that Hiyori kept Ikuya from knowing that Haruka was looking for him as manipulation, but let me paint you a picture here: you have a best friend. He tells you about a traumatic instance from his past involving people he thought he was friends with, who then abandoned him with not a word or warning. They never tried to find him or contact him or reach out. It was extremely hard, and wore on your friend a great deal. Suddenly, in university, these people who hurt your friend show up looking for him, claiming to be old pals. Why would you be in any hurry to reunite them? Say whatever you will about Hiyori not telling Ikuya initially that Haruka and the others were around, but Ikuya makes it clear when he does run into Haru that he wants nothing to do with him, without any interference from Hiyori. Hiyori does show up and then leave with Ikuya, but he believed he was offering moral support. When I’ve been out with a friend and saw an ex of theirs who I knew hurt them, I steer them away and direct their attention to something else to save their heart from hurting over seeing them. Maybe that makes me a bad person, but I understand Hiyori’s motivations there. Again, another factor a majority of the fandom is ignoring is that Hiyori then confesses to Ikuya what he said and did to Haru and the others, and Ikuya has no problem with it. He says that Hiyori was fine to do that. Ikuya didn’t say, “Oh, no! I’ve been missing them and want to reunite! Please don’t keep them away!” He says their friendship was in the past, and he doesn’t want to revisit it. How is Hiyori being manipulative if he told Ikuya the truth, effectively giving Ikuya the chance to tell him to back off, which Ikuya then deliberately chose not to take? I’ve also seen people insinuate that Hiyori is isolating Ikuya when we haven’t seen anything to indicate that. He’s kept Ikuya away from Haruka, but we haven’t seen Hiyori and Ikuya interacting with anyone else yet, only four episodes in. They could easily have other friends. That’s a huge accusation to make, and an extremely unfair one.

2. Hiyori truly cares about Ikuya

I’ve also seen people calling into question whether Hiyori’s care for Ikuya is genuine, and again - there’s so much evidence to say that it is. Aside from the domesticity that we see (Hiyori and Ikuya spend a lot of time together, both of them extending invitations, Hiyori cooks Ikuya dinner, etc.), we know for a fact that Natsuya asked Hiyori to watch over Ikuya. The fandom likes Natsuya, correct? So, answer me this: would Natsuya ever have entrusted his younger brother to the care of a toxic, abusive sociopath? I refuse to believe so. As well, Natsuya and Hiyori know Ikuya far better than Haruka does. Haruka and the others spent one year with Ikuya. Natsuya and Hiyori have been around for far longer. People become angered when Hiyori will defend Ikuya against not wanting to swim relay anymore, but I believe that’s because he knows that Ikuya doesn’t want to, and Ikuya is probably tired of answering the question over and over. Should he stop stepping in on Ikuya’s behalf? Maybe. Ikuya probably needs to learn to speak for himself, and Hiyori might be enabling him not to. However, his intentions there don’t seem to be bad, and when you have a strong/outspoken personality, you tend to do things like that without thinking because you care about the other person. Another example is we see that after Ikuya’s second oxygen deprivation incident, Hiyori visits Ikuya in the hospital many, many times. If all he cared about was using Ikuya, there’d be no point in visiting Ikuya when it wouldn’t even be acknowledged, or when Ikuya was of no use to him. Hiyori has seen Ikuya suffer trying to emulate Haruka. That’s not Haru’s fault and I would never say it was, but I can see how that would sour Hiyori’s view of Haru,

3. Hiyori is not evil

Yes, Hiyori was an asshole to Haruka. I would never contest that. As fans of the anime, we know that Haruka and the others are good people who care deeply for their friends. And yet, we’re not seeing this from Hiyori’s perspective. He doesn’t know that Haruka is a good person, he doesn’t know that Haruka’s regret is genuine. All he knows is that Haruka hurt Ikuya badly in the past, and is only now showing an interest in Ikuya in university after all these years that he could’ve tried to apologize. And if the way Ikuya is after running into Haruka is any indication, it was deeply upsetting to Ikuya. We see him stop smiling, he becomes more withdrawn, and has another near-drowning incident in the pool. That is all that Hiyori has seen. He probably thinks Haruka is dangerous for Ikuya, and bad for Ikuya’s emotional well-being. Is it his job to decide that? No. But it’s the fact that his motivation is coming from a place of care for Ikuya that I can forgive him for that, just like I forgave Rin way back in the day. Characters can be imperfect and make mistakes and say mean/hurtful things and not be bad - just like people in real life! Hiyori calls Haruka and the others “weaklings,” but he doesn’t mean weak as swimmers. He means weak as people. They abandoned a friend because it was easiest for them, and seemingly forgot all about Ikuya while it reached deep into Ikuya’s core and messed with him. Hiyori is angry at them, and believes that he’s protecting Ikuya, who has also made it exceedingly clear that he wants nothing to do with Haruka, regardless of what this fandom seems to think. Ikuya isn’t trying to get in touch with Haruka, isn’t trying to find him, isn’t trying to set the record straight. He deliberately makes it clear he doesn’t want someone who hurt him to come back into his life. Hiyori sees Haruka going against Ikuya’s wishes, and takes matters into his own hands. Should he have? No, he shouldn’t. But again: it’s the simple fact that he’s so desperately loyal to Ikuya that he does this, not out of a place of spite or cruelty.

To sum up: I’m just sort of tired of the fandom spinning their own story about Hiyori despite what we’ve been shown in the anime. I don’t think everyone needs to like him and I’m not saying that everything he’s done is justified or okay. But as someone who has been on the receiving end of being hurt by people I thought cared about me and who I considered friends, I get why Ikuya wants distance from Haruka, and why Hiyori is trying to help Ikuya attain that (while at times going about it in ways that he probably shouldn’t due to anger on Ikuya’s behalf). I noticed the hate for Hiyori spiked after episode 4, and I know it’s because he was cruel to Haru. Which, that’s fine - be upset with him for that, it was a horrible thing for him to say and do. But at least think rationally and critically about who Hiyori is as a character and why he might behave that way before deciding that regardless of how the rest of the season plays out, you’ll hate him forever. A good anime can change your perspective on a character and help you understand them, even when they’re wrong; please give Free! a chance to do that with Hiyori.

[davethepantless]

The Coffee Shop - Part 5

"I swear if I do this any longer I'm gonna go fucking crazy!"

The thought echoed through John's brain as he lay in bed staring at the ceiling. Since he had no plans for this Saturday, he tried to convince himself that he had no real reason to get out of bed. Some days it was just easier to ignore the world, than it was to take part.

John thought back to his conversation with Ann the waitress the previous night. It had gone nothing like what he expected. John had expected to either face a towering storm of righteous anger or a series of meaningless platitudes on how "nice" people are supposed act. Instead he found in Ann a most intriguing mind. Although he disagreed with several of her arguments, John had to reluctantly admit that they were well thought out and carefully reasoned. In a world driven by simple "paint by numbers" thinking, it was refreshing to meet someone who could hold up their end of a conversation.

Feeling a more intrigued by her than he'd been by anyone for a long while, John decided slowly got out of bed and went in search of some clothes. While putting on his shoes, John attempted to come up with some sort of reasonable explanation as to why he should go down to the coffee shop by his work rather than just hit the one in his apartment building.

Lost in thought for several moments, John finally gave up trying to resist. Although he had no valid reason, at least not one that he was willing to admit to himself at this point, John decided that he was going anyway. Ann might not even be working today, but John knew he needed to get out of the apartment regardless. Being alone with his thoughts for too long had never been a good thing.

As he locked the door to his apartment, John noticed the fellow who lived across from him coming down the hall. Although they'd lived directly across the hall from each other for over 3 years now, John always struggled to remember the man's name. It seemed like everyone in the building did their best to ignore the fact that there were other people living there. Eye contact was to be avoided at all costs, but if by some fluke chance you did make eye contact with one of your neighbours, then a polite nod would be the only acknowledgment given.

Walking down to the bus stop, John thought about yesterday's revelation that Ann was psychology student. "What sort of person signs up for something like that?", he idly wondered, "Who would volunteer to dive into another person's dark twisted mess of a psyche?"

He deftly avoided thinking about the real question which was why had Ann been studying him in the first place. That question raised too many other questions.

A quick fifteen minute bus ride later and John was a few blocks from the coffee shop. It surprised him how many times he tried to talk himself out of going to the shop in the 3 minutes it took him to walk there. We wondered briefly if anyone else struggled with something as simple as this.

The disappointment John felt when he walked through the door of the coffee shop and saw another waitress behind the counter surprised him. "Why the hell do I even care?", he thought to himself, "It's not like I even really know her."

Well since he was here, John figured he might as well grab something. Going back to the deafening silence of his apartment held no appeal to him. In a paradox that puzzled him to this day, John found that while he was uncomfortable being around people, he also hated to be alone. Thus he often ended up sitting at his own table in crowded coffee shops and pubs, giving him the illusion of company, without the demands on his attention that other person would require.

Ordering his coffee from yet another overly cheerful waitress, John sat down at a table in the corner and wondered what to do with the rest of his day. He always felt like he should be doing something, yet nothing really appealed to him. Gazing out the window John watched the traffic drive by and idly wondered where everyone was rushing off to. It seemed like a lot of people spent their days off in the same manner in which they spent their time at work, hurriedly scurrying off to complete some obscure task.

"This is a surprise. I've never seen you here on a weekend."

Startled from his thoughts, John looked up and saw Ann staring down at him with the beginnings of a smile on her face. Her sudden appearance left him struggling to find words. John had been so lost in his thoughts, that he hadn't even seen her come through the door.

"I guess I just got tired of laying in bed and staring at the ceiling.", John replied, "I didn't know you worked here on the weekends".

"I don't." Ann answered, "I just forgot to grab my purse when I left yesterday".

John felt a twinge of disappointment, but refused to acknowledge it. "Well I'm sure like these other fine people you have a million things you'd like to do today.", John said keeping his eyes down on his coffee, "Don't let me keep you from it".

Ann stared at him for a minute before responding. "Why do you do that?" she asked sitting down across from him, "Why do you attempt isolate yourself from every other person around you"

John pondered the question for a moment before replying, "I guess for the same reason everyone else does it. Fear and stupidity."

"How so?", Ann asked, her question echoing in her eyes.

"Don't you have anything better to do than listen to me prattle on?" John said, not really feeling comfortable with the turn the conversation had taken. Although he had come to the shop in hopes of talking with her, John was starting to feel some concern about having a psychology major poking around his brain.

"I've got a few minutes left." Ann replied. She gave him a rather peculiar smile before adding "You're not getting off that easy!".

John paused to collect his thoughts for a moment before beginning. "Most people in this world cannot even deal with their own emotions, let alone the emotions of the people around them.", John started to explain, "As a result they try to put up walls isolate themselves from feelings in general, as a way of protecting themselves from future emotional trauma."

"There you go with that 'most' word.", Ann replied, "I think you are oversimplifying things once again."

"Take love for example.", John continued in spite of Ann's objections, "Love should be the greatest of all emotions, as it's one of the few things in the world that can inspire someone to put the needs of another person ahead of their own."

"Ok", Ann nodded, "I can agree with that."

"But people today have no real understanding of love, and you cannot truly value what you do not know.", John argued, "The typical person when faced with the opportunity for a real relationship with the possibility of love will turn away."

"Not that I agree with you", Ann replied, "because I don't, but please tell me why you think that is.".

John leaned forward, as he tried to make his point. "To truly love someone means you must drop the walls we all use to protect ourselves and open yourself up completely to this other person.", he said keeping his eyes locked on hers, "It's a dichotomy of strength and vulnerability that is at least partially based on chance. No matter how slowly or carefully you go, there is still a risk of either person getting hurt. Falling in love is like jumping off a cliff. You only find out what's at the bottom after you've leaped off the edge."

"Go on", Ann replied intently.

"The problem is that people are inherently cowards. Most would rather endure a grey comfortable existence rather than take the chance on something that could bring a splash of color into their lives. ", John argued, "As such your typical person would rather stay in a situation that they are unhappy with, than take a chance on something that could potentially make their lives complete, but could also possibly leave them dealing with a broken heart. "

A hint of a smile appeared on Ann's face as she remarked, "I see that Dr. Phil has some competition."

"To make matters worse, many people have already come to this exact same conclusion, which makes the whole situation that much more fucking hopeless. Assuming you manage to overcome your own fear and doubts and you actually work up the courage to take that jump off lovers leap, you could still end up heartbroken just because the other person didn't want to risk you doing it to them first. ", John said, his voice underscoring the intensity of his beliefs, "It's a vicious cycle of risk and little reward, in which the few people who are actually brave enough to take the risk have by the nature of their reward already removed themselves from the game."

Ann stared at John for several moments. When she replied, her words took him by surprise.

"Some girl really did a number on you, didn't she?"

The question was unexpected. "What possible bearing does that have on anything?" John fired back while attempting to regain his internal equilibrium, "Why would you even say that?"

"Relax John, I'm not going to ask you about it.", Ann replied with a measure of sympathy showing in her eyes, "By the way you're talking, I'm guessing you're not ready for the Band-Aids to be pulled off just yet."

"Gee … thanks", John said sarcastically.

"You keep talking about most people.", Ann started to explain, "Most people do this. Most people believe in that. But you haven't realized that most people don't matter. What matters is what you think, and what you do."

John rolled his eyes as he responded "That's because what I think and want I do has virtually no impact on the word around me".

"Perhaps, but what you think and what you do does have a significant impact on your world", Ann argued, "You can't choose how people will treat you, but you can choose how you will react to it"

"So you're saying the next time my heart gets ripped out of my chest, I can choose to be happy about it?", John asked with a look of disbelief on his face, "That I should just ignore the pain I'm feeling and wear a painted smile on my face?"

"You're twisting what I've said.", Ann said shaking her head, "We should never ignore our true feelings. At the same time, you have the choice of how to deal with every traumatic event in your life. You can either work through the emotions you are experiencing, no matter how painful they are, until you feel like you're ready to move on. Or you can obsess over it, and allow it to dictate your mood and your actions for years to come." Ann's gaze held John intently as she continued, "Only you can make that choice in your life. In the end, things only have the power that you give them."

"This time I think it's you who's guilty of greatly oversimplify things with this Hallmark card philosophy of yours.", John responded, "Real life isn't quite so neat and tidy. If human beings were solitary creatures then perhaps we wouldn't be so dependent on each other for our emotionally stability, but the fact of the matter is that all of us to a greater or lesser extent do depend on the people around us for comfort and acceptance. Given this and the natural tendency of your typical person not to risk themselves in a real relationship, it's seems most of us are doomed to a perpetual cycle of risking ourselves and then being burned for it."

"And once again you miss the obvious solution to being trapped in this perpetual cycle of yours." Ann replied sounding a little exasperated. She grabbed her purse and quickly stood up as she said "Look I've got to go, but perhaps we can continue this conversation some other day."

"Wait a minute.", John protested as Ann turned to leave, "You can't just up and leave after a statement like that. At the very least, tell me what this 'obvious' solution of yours is".

Ann walked over to his side of the table. As she leaned down to whisper in his ear, John attempted to suppress a shiver as her hair lightly cascaded over his shoulder.

"The solution is this:", Ann said in a voice John had to strain to hear, "Don't become involved with typical people."

John barely had a chance to register these words before Ann turned and walked out of the coffee shop, leaving him alone with his thoughts once more.

[shimadatales]

Shimada Chronicles chapter 1

The first chapter of the idea everyone voted on is finally here! I sadly can’t upload it to Ao3 yet, but I will be doing that as soon as I receive the invitation to create an account. I forgot the site worked that way ^^; Any way, you can now read the first chapter here and it turned out to be quite lengthy, just for a fair warning. I also wrote a little about how Hanzo and reader met, as well as their process into restoring the clan. It needed some explaining, but I hope you all enjoy reading it! If there are any mistakes in the writing, please don’t hesitate to notifiy me as well. 

A New Beginning

“Rebuild what was once lost and forgotten, create a new vision for the future.” Those were Hanzo’s words to you after you both had voiced your vows for each other at the Shinto shrine during your wedding. During your time spent together through those few years, the archer and you had worked hard for the restoration of the Shimada Clan, as Hanzo felt it was his purpose to give it new life and a name he could be proud of once again. The noble warrior had abandoned his legacy for almost more than a decade, as there was little he could find himself in any more, after what happened between him and the younger dragon. He felt disgusted by the blood he carried from his ancestors, who had been lying to him from the moment his mother introduced him to the harsh world he would be living in. Day after day, the marksman would look at his formerly elegant tattoo’s and birthmark during his wanderings in exile, wishing so desperately that he could scrub them off and during his darkest days, he even tried to do so. However, the only result he would be getting in return were ugly red scratches, some even deep enough to draw lines of blood, scattered along his toned arms.

There was no solution to his pain and sorrow, as well as the empty hole that had formed within his being. Now that he had no family or name to associate himself with, Hanzo truly felt lost and set out to try and find himself again, a new purpose and untouched path. One that he could walk without others interfering with their beliefs. Forming a new path did not come easy for the archer, as he confronted his supposedly death brother once again and with that, came another wave of brand new emotions, which he could not place during the first few months. Hanzo believed it was his father’s doing for bringing the dragon siblings together again after so many years, perhaps as a silent apology for burdening his eldest and his own way of setting his spirit free. Or perhaps, it was simply fate that had decided for the two sons to be reunited again, much to Hanzo’s own displeasure. No matter how many times the archer would meditate in distress and try to connect his thoughts on the matter with those of his ancestors, an answer was never given. The marksman stood alone and was now responsible for his own decisions, along with his dragons, who would grant him the occasional words of wisdom now and then, but were in general quiet beings. He had cursed the heavens and screamed at the roaring thunder, demanding them what they wanted from him and why they would not leave him be, as the warrior was tired and did not know what to do. Genji had come into his life again, alive and breathing, much different from the battered and bruised image Hanzo had ingrained in his mind after that one night. Even though he was afraid to admit so, times were changing and the archer no longer had the luxury of excluding himself from everything that surrounded him. It was indeed time to pick a side.

Seeking out his younger brother was not an easy task for the elder Shimada, as it almost took him a year to finally aid him in one of his battles. Something about seeing the cyborg being beat up and almost defeated once again struck Hanzo greatly and an urge to protect was awakened after it had been dormant for so long. The archer had helped the swordsman then, but vanished as soon as he came once his support had arrived. He was still so unsure and needed time to evaluate on his actions before taking the next step towards a hopefully more closer approach. Once the marksman had finished tracking down his brother and found him successfully during his second attempt, strolling around the gardens of the headquarters of Overwatch in Gibraltar, a surge of nervousness, as well as sheer pride had come over him. The feeling of disbelief and shame haunting his thoughts and Hanzo could’ve sworn that he heard the Oni from his father’s folktales laughing wildly in his ears, mocking him. It made Hanzo almost turn his back and forget about the nonsense he had gotten his mind in to, but he instead opted for observing the ninja for some time. Week after week, even during crucial missions, the archer was close behind his brother and was watching his every move, being cautious as to not appear suspicious and out of sight from others. Genji however, always knew of his older brother’s strange advances but decided to play along for the time being, hoping that the samurai would find a way of communicating with him in the end.  

This did not stop the cyborg from making him feel a little more at home by introducing him to one of his newest pranks though, to remind his brother of the good times they shared in the past. And besides, he knew that in the end, Hanzo could benefit more from it than from anything else, if he wished. This was the part where you would be entering his life and Genji found it more than fitting, that the two of you would be meeting for the first time. You had heard many stories of the great archer from your friend and couldn’t help but feel admiration for his mastery and nobility. The keen eyes of the ninja had picked up on your liking towards his brother rather easily and he had promised for the both of you to meet in the near future. The thought had excited you greatly back then, but as you knew of the troubled past between the brothers, you did not want to cross any boundaries and Genji could only chuckle at your already caring heart, reserved for his older brother.

Hearing about Hanzo’s current whereabouts made you incredibly nervous and elated at the same time, knowing there was a chance that you could finally see his skill in person and bring the stories Genji had spoiled you with, to life. However, you were not sure if you found the cyborg’s way of a proper introduction the right example to follow, but you decided to give in to his pleading gaze for this time and hoped that the archer wouldn’t be too hard on his little brother. The cyborg had asked you in a low voice to go up to the marksman while the two of you were going over a few details of the mission, said marksman silently watching from the shadows in which he deemed safe enough for a watch point. Confident that his stealth was no match for you and always having had the higher ground when it came to his younger brother, Hanzo remained still while he tried to listen in on the whispers shared between you two. Your task was to ask the ‘elderly man’ if he needed any assistance or directions as your comrade, while pointing at the armored figure by the wooden outdoor table and you thought he looked rather lost within the facility. The archer had disguised himself by hiding his face under a large hooded cloak, which gave him a slight feeling of security once you walked up to him, hoping you wouldn’t see too much of his features. He kept up his act for this reason as well, as he was just about to politely decline your offer, saying he was simply passing through, but a provoking gesture from none other than the man he wished to talk to but could not bring himself to do so, rendered him speechless. Genji was raising his hand, a peace sign making itself visible through his digits, while gave Hanzo a knowing look and the marksman could’ve sworn he saw a smirk through that visor, that same rotten smile that always got him out of any trouble while his older brother faced the consequences. 

He knew that the archer was watching him all those weeks and he sure liked rubbing that in his face. “Got you, brother.” Oh, how foolish this was indeed. However, Hanzo could only feel anger and humiliation now, as old shenanigans began coming back to him and with that came the fact he let himself be put in such a position once again after all those years, but before he could find himself losing his temper, your timid voice broke him out of said tantrum. “I’m very sorry. He told me it would be alright, I did not mean to dishonor you in such a way.” His once seething brown orbs now dissolved into confusing looking ones, as Hanzo laid his eyes upon you. It was obvious Genji had not told you all about his silly antics and had wanted to embarrass you both for the fun of it and it frustrated the elder Shimada to no end how he always had to involve others into his ridiculous games and pranks. In the end, his ultimate goal was always to make his older brother suffer the worst, as seeing a serious and stoic man fall over a bar of soap and losing his towel while ending up stark naked in front of the whole onsen, or a slight blush appearing on the harsh contours of his cheeks due to embarrassment, was just too great to pass up on. It was sickening how the sparrow always managed to get away with it too.

However, having grown older and more mature, Hanzo had managed to let go of most of his frustration, seeing as he no longer had the time for his brother’s foolishness and instead released a scowl while averting his eyes to the side. You were still standing before him he noticed as well, your own eyes finding the ground suddenly very interesting instead of his regal features. The archer let out a heavy sigh as he answered you, knowing you were innocent in this and did not mean him any harm. “It is fine. You are not to blame.” Hanzo said, as he let his orbs wander over to his brother seated across from him a few meters further while giving him a look that could scare off one of the most heavy thugs. You couldn’t help but smile slightly at the ruffled man before you, Genji was indeed right about his sensitivity towards jokes and hoped he would take them more lightly over time. After the three of you exchanged a few words of formality, a few because of the tension that still hung around the two dragon brothers, even after all those years, the archer went on his way again. Although this time, the elder Shimada would not be hiding again for another long period of time. This time, he was returning home step by step.

Even though Genji had pranked both you and Hanzo into meeting one another under the strangest of circumstances, you still thought it would be suitable to guide him through the process of integrating within the Overwatch system. Without pressuring him of course, which is why you had kept your distance for quite some time, only helping him through subtle gestures and if he asked for your assistance. The archer thought you had a brilliant mind, although he was too stoic to say so and was grateful for your help. Especially because it gave him the opportunity to not be around Genji all the time, as it was still rather difficult to face him during his practice rounds or meditation. Their relationship gradually grew though and you were thankful for that as well as happy, for Hanzo’s newfound strength. Through his time serving Overwatch, you too were a beacon for him to lean on and the marksman in turn granted you his support whenever you felt unmotivated or unwanted. You surprised one another in both the social and intellectual field, finding an equal within each other as your relationship progressed. Something the archer feared at first, but quickly grew comfortable with, once he had grown addicted to your presence. You gave him love, affection but also, inspiration with your words of wisdom and different point of views. It was thanks to your efforts into making him accept himself as a better person, that Hanzo was able to bring the ghosts of his past to rest. This time, not by trying to hide his true identity and abandoning his heritage, but by discovering something greater within it. It was through your encouragements, that Hanzo was able to restore his family’s Empire to its former, if not larger, glory.

This time, the Shimada Clan would not be known as the feared Yakuza, but as an aspiring collaborative. A company that promised good fortune for Hanamura and its citizens. A company that could establish new connections with other countries as well, which in turn were of great benefit to the general trading industry within Japan. The elder Shimada would make sure that his family’s name no longer bore an ill history and you were there to guide him along that path. His brother too, supported him with all his heart and was elated to see his former home being given new life, but still refused to partake in any of the newly build clan’s activities, as he was a free spirit who wished to wander alongside his Master after all. Hanzo this time, did not hesitate to assure Genji of his decision, instead quickly telling him that he is always welcome to stay if he needed to and that he always had a home to return to. The cyborg had promised to visit regularly, to check up on the clan’s new progress as well as spending time with the both of you and catch up on what was going on in your personal lives, something he always loved hearing about, being the mischievous sibling by nature.

Back to the present, there was much to be done when it came to restoring the dragon’s castle in general, as the building had not been maintained for a long time due to its residents not being present any longer. Overwatch had been watching over the establishment for many years, but did not take any action in putting it to use or removing the building altogether. Shimada Castle had been asleep for a long time because of that, all the while other clans were trying to get their hands on it and claiming it for their own wealth. However, their reign never lasted long though. The agents of Overwatch were always quick to stop them and occasionally, the wandering archer whenever he visited during the anniversary of Genji’s death back then. The palace had lost its beautiful colors, the paint having faded over time due to the lack of preservation and dust had gathered in most of the corners within the halls. Aside from that, the aftermath of the battle between the two brothers was still visible enough to see the two had been fighting quite severely, a sight that still tore at the archer’s heart once he set foot upon the central dojo and spotted the arrows scattered across the room, as well as the torn wall scrolls. The place had to be renewed and rebuild and the both of you did not hesitate to do so after your wedding had ended.

The people at Overwatch had offered you their help, as they found the newfound purpose of the facility a rather attractive point of interest for their own alliances as well and in return for their help, Hanzo had promised them an agreement to such. It was a hard decision for him to think about during the early stages of his investment, as the organization had taken custody over his former home for such a long time after all, even though he had to admit that it was for the best in the end. At least, because of their watchful eye, his clan’s birth ground was able to keep existing in the way it used to stand, albeit not as polished and had not fallen into the hands of Talon or other rival clans. Something the marksman would not want to have seen happening in the slightest, thinking Overwatch was the better option for that matter. It had taken the entire team of agents a considerable amount of months to transform the dull castle into a shining replica of that of its predecessor. New parts were added here and there to the castle of course, as remaking it entirely would be a waste to what modern technology now had to offer. A brand new installation of security devices had also been placed along the halls, courtesy of Winston. One which would benefit the both of you very well in times of need, he said. Although, you couldn’t help but wonder, if the devoted scientist just wanted a place to test his most recent invention. You did not mind though, as you were certain his efforts would bear fruit over time.

While your comrades were working hard on the restoration of your new home, Hanzo and you took some time off for other preparations as well, seeing as the clan now was in need of new servants to keep the palace up and running again. There were gardens that needed to be watered, the cleaning of the dojo and of course, mopping of the great halls. All of these were great job opportunities and you both had agreed to pay everyone a fair share and perhaps even help out various charities once the business was starting to take a good course. Finding people did not come easy though, as most of the citizens were still believing of the thrilling folklores centered around the dragon clan. “It will take time and patience, the people will eventually come to trust your clan again after they have witnessed its efforts into creating a better future.” Was what you told Hanzo. And you were right, as applications were sent in after you gave it a week’s time and it brought a smile upon the Master’s face once he received the excited group of people, each one of them wanting to be part of something great, something worthwhile. They were all there to give the new leader of the Shimada Clan their support and it was in a long time, that the warrior felt truly honored once again. He promised to be a reliable and strong leader for his people and that they could always count on his wisdom and guidance without hesitation. The people were cheering him on as you watched from beside your husband, the pride you felt for his accomplishment evident upon your striking features. 

Once he noticed you standing behind him, Hanzo gently ushered you to be standing at his side, his calloused hand resting on your lower back while his face gradually moved closer to yours. You closed your eyes at his sweet words once his nose made contact with your warm cheek and you couldn’t help but lean against him in the process. “Thank you for bringing me back to my home, my love. Together, we shall make our future bright and prosperous.” The archer whispered to you and a simple nod of your head as you let him place his lips upon your cheek was more than enough to show him that you agreed with his promise. You would be spending your life inside the great dragon castle from now on, alongside its powerful Master and you both were excited to embark on the adventures that lied ahead of it. The Shimada Clan’s reign had begun once again and this time, it would be entering a greater era.

[strungup-strungout]

#1 | My Czech Republic Trip

First Blog Post..

I can hear you saying “this is the year 2017, who even creates or writes a blog”… well hello! I love expressing my opinions and since I do not use Twitter anymore, I needed an outlet where I can talk/vent about things. I thought of blogging, obviously. What will be on this blog? My life. Without further ado, I want to get my first post going. Today(tonight) I will be talking about Bee, my trip to the Czech Republic, meeting Bee, sightseeing, the tournament, your questions, my doubts, the good, the bad… Let’s go!

We all have our dreams and goals. When you put my dream job and the places I want to see, and the dream of becoming the person I want to be aside, my biggest dream was meeting Bee. I think it’s the kind of dream most people would mock having, by most people I mean the people who never lived the fangirl/boy life. First of all, I want to talk about the costs, because I know money is the only thing stopping some of us from going to these kinds of trips weekly. To give brief information, I’m a third year university student, I work part-time at a library, and receive no help from my parents (personal choice.) So I am assuring you, I am not going to 10 tournaments every year and visiting a new country every month. This was such a new experience for me. I had been to Istanbul Cup and the WTA Finals in Istanbul previously, but going to another country for tennis is a completely new experience. I paid 80 euros for Schengen Visa (you might not need a visa for your trip), I paid 920 liras (230 euros) for the round-trip flights from Turkish Airlines. There were cheaper flights (for 138 euros round trip) which I completely accidentally ignored so that was pure stupidity. The tournament was for free, so luckily I didn’t pay for tickets. For accommodation, I was extremely lucky to have one of the bestest people in the world hosting me, I really felt home and welcomed. For the other expenses like transportation and food, if you don’t do shopping and buy things you don’t actually need, 150 euros should be enough for 10 days. I’m assuming you’ll have fancy food for a day or two. So there’s that.

The sightseeing… As I said, I was very lucky to have my friend Jana hosting me. She took me to amazing places. We drove to Bee’s hometown Plzen, which was something I was looking forward to. Even though I sounded like I didn’t like Plzen when Bee asked me about it, I have to say this city is beautiful. We tasted beer at the Brewery, went to the main square, climbed the worst tower but luckily it had an amazing view of the city, then we went to a cute café which we randomly found on our way back to the car. We went to the Hluboka Castle, I have to say it is one of the most beautiful buildings I’ve ever seen in my life. The town is also very small and beautiful. Coming from a city that is more populated than the entire Czech Republic, even Prague felt like a small town to me, but I have to say I deeply fell in love with every single place we went to. In Prague we went to all of the main touristic attractions I think. I found the Astronomical Clock very boring but other than that I enjoyed this city too much and I am afraid I am now in love with this country.

The tournament. I think it was a very well organised, neat tournament with a great venue. The tickets were for free so that is obviously a huge plus. It is very easy to meet players, or to have a conversation with them (as long as they are willing to lol.) The main stadium is great, I also loved watching matches at the outer courts. The food is also OK, personally I struggled a lot because I am not used to the local cuisine and I don’t eat pork. So I had to eat Lays and drink Pepsi on the first day, and for the rest of the week I had the official tournament cocktail (which was absolutely amazing), and counted hours so we could leave and I could get food haha. The problem with free tickets is that the stadium fills up quickly, especially for the matches of the Czech players. You can’t leave the stadium before Bee plays for example, because if you leave, you face the extremely long queue of people waiting to be admitted inside the stadium where there are zero empty seats left. If I had to pee, I had to to wait for Bee’s match to be over. And we had to arrive at 10am to snatch front row seats, for a match that starts at 1pm for example. That is hours of sitting under the sun (Well sun only shows up for 2 minutes here so it wasn’t such a big problem. It was just very, very tiring.) But to sum up, it is an amazing tournament, and if you like the entry list you should definitely visit.

The Bee. First of all, I have a huge thank you for her and I think it would mean much more if it was directed at her, so here it goes. Bára, thank you. Lol that was such a lame start. I am thinking of more things to say but only thank you comes to my mind. I guess now I can relate to you thanking me five thousand times since day 1 because sometimes there really isn’t anything else to say. Thank you. Thank you for accepting the support I try to give you. Thank you for always taking the time to read what I have to say, even when they are footlong paragraphs. Thank you for letting me pick you up after a bad loss, thank you for picking me up after a bad day. Thank you for making me feel loved as a person and not only as a fan. Thank you for sharing your happiness with me.  Thank you for being excited to finally meet me. Thank you for the hug. I know that is a lot to ask from a Czech person. Thank you for the hearts. Thank you for feeling bad when you don’t respond to me. I feel bad too. *snort* Thank you. The support, you know..continues. Always. I know I said it a million times before. It is an honour to be your fan. Thank you for having me in your journey. Thank you for telling me it would be a much harder one without me. Thank you for the fast reply when I told you I couldn’t sleep. Thank you for our DM conversation which sometimes looks like I am sending sentimental messages to myself. Thank you for realising that you have to respond sometimes. Thank you for always writing me long, thought-out messages. Thank you for always taking my support first. You are loved, and supported. Even if you get broken while serving for the set/match every single time, lose tiebreaks from 5-0 at 6:40am and basically kill me, and always miss the volley at break point.

The questions… I think so far I answered all of them. The meeting was beautiful. Bee was practicing with JJ which killed me because I was having so many feelings about it. I also got a selfie with JJ and my eyes are closed on it. That’s why I ended up taking 4 selfies with Bee actually in my first try. Imagine if my eyes were closed on them I would have stabbed myself. Did we talk? Yes we talked. Well she talked and I gave stupid responses because I was simultaneously dying. At some point I blurted out something like “sdfjdjferwer??” and she was like ????. *snort again* She was so attentive and it made my heart burst from happiness. At some point she was talking about how sad Plzen is as a city I mean that is so cute and so random. TBH I never imagined we would talk about that you know. Which reminds me that I wasn’t the only nervous person and she seemed like she was slightly nervous too. It was very cute. I think a moment I can never forget in my life was when she walked directly towards me after her practice as if we were friends that hadn’t seen each other for a while. I hope she will never read this post this is embarrassing lmao. I won’t go into every single detail because that is actually creepy, guys. But I know that’s what everyone really wants to read. The bee glasses are a different story. I saw them at a store and pointed them to Jana and we both fell in love. I’m shy for these kinds of things so she bought for herself and I didn’t. I couldn’t wear them at Bee’s match for example. I am introverted and weird. But then I turned back to buy a pair for Bára, without a doubt. The next day, I forgot the glasses at home. Bára saw Jana’s glasses and complimented them from afar, I was like fffssss I am so stupid. That day we didn’t end up meeting Bára, which was totally fine I think back to back would have killed what’s left of me. The next day, Jana dragged me to Bára’s post match practice. “Dragged” because I didn’t think I could handle meeting her again :D  Anyways I gave her the glasses and her eyes shined like a little kid eating ice cream. Making her happy really makes me happy. It was such a beautiful moment. She screamed BEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. <3

The doubts, the good, the bad… It was a tough week for me on a personal level. I constantly felt like the worst daughter ever because of the money I spent (even though I was spending my own money) and I felt like I couldn’t care enough for my father who had a heart attack. He doesn’t live with us in Istanbul, and I couldn’t make the time to go all the way down south to visit him with this trip upcoming. Then I had to call him for money because I spent more than I planned to and I was out of funds. I am not embarrassed to say that day involved some tears, with Bára’s contribution because she did a really, really stupid thing I won’t say here. I am sure from her POV it is not as stupid as it is, but really, it was such bad decision-making from her. It’s all fine now. <3

The end….I want to thank Jana. I told her I would write two pages to thank her actually but she will just have to do with a paragraph for now. I am the luckiest person in the world because I genuinely think I am surrounded by the best friends possible, and she is one of them. Thank you for hosting me. Thank you for loving me as a person. For defending me. Protecting me even from the people I don’t need protecting. Thank you for the McDonald’s’. Thank you for sharing everything you have with me. Thank you for 10/10 crisis management, thank you for always making sure I was well fed. Thank you for being the grown up (well, you are older.) Thank you for not hating me even though I constantly dragged you. Thank you for pushing me when I was too shy to do half of the things we did. Thank you for never judging me. Thank you for accepting me as the biggest sneaky bitch you’ve ever met. Thank you for telling me I have a huge heart. Thank you for this trip. It was a pleasure. I cannot wait to see you again. Thank you for your lifetime friendship and constant support.

Sorry for this long post and let’s hope I won’t forget the fact that I have a blog! Until next time.

[politicaltheatre]

The End of “He Said, She Said”

Most of us will be very happy to see 2017 gone. Looking back as it ends, there's a lot we should want to forget, almost all of it to do in some way with one Donald J. Trump. From the rise in racist violence to the destruction of much of the good will of the rest of humanity around the world, the man's achieved a lot, perhaps not what he'd like to admit to, but admitting mistakes has never been his thing.

I would argue, however, that one day - perhaps not soon, but one day - we will look back on this past year as the start of something we will want to remember, as the year that our culture began its long promised change towards accountability and that our species began its next step in its maturity.

The year has shown us in countless brutal ways the gap between those with power and those without. Wars around the world have killed over 100,000 and left millions homeless and stateless. Hurricanes in Texas, Florida, Puerto Rico, and the Caribbean killed hundreds, probably more, and left thousands homeless and, in the case of Puerto Rico and the United States Virgin Islands, perhaps wondering if they are nationless, too.

That so many in Puerto Rico remain without power and drinking water to this day is in no small part due to Trump's racism and classism, but he did not create the conditions that left Puerto Rico's infrastructure so vulnerable. That was the result of decades of racism and classism by Democrats and Republicans alike. Having to depend on a sociopath like Trump for compassion and responsibility only made recovering from a natural disaster that much more difficult.

Ultimately, in the eyes of too many Americans, Puerto Ricans are poor and not white, and not American. Not enough Americans stood up for them, our fellow Americans, when they needed us. That is a lesson we will have to face sooner or later. It is an example of the imbalance of power at the heart of our culture, one that needs to change.

Few phrases sum up the past year better than "imbalance of power". Trump's rise to a position of authority was fueled by two imbalances of power, by the real and still growing gap between the rich and everyone else, and by the false but perceived gap between those in Washington D.C. (and in New York and California) and those in the rest of the country. He and his cronies exploited fears of both, offering to reverse them if voters would only give him power, unchecked and unquestioned.

The logic will never not escape us.

Once in the White House, Trump's every action has reflected a desire to protect and expand the imbalance of power within our society. He has gutted every department and agency of its ability to act as a watchdog over the industries it was created to do so. He has continually acted to undermine the independence of law enforcement in its duty to check executive power. And the tax bill he just signed into law, one passed in Congress entirely with Republican votes, will do more to expand the imbalance of power in this country than just about anything in the past century.

And yet, there is hope. Very much so.

There are signs, one of them actually being the election of Donald Trump, that the pendulum that has been on a 50 year reactionary swing away from accountability has been losing momentum. The election of Trump and the willingness of congressional Republicans to throw aside shame and vote for something even they had to admit almost entirely serves the already wealthy, including themselves (lookin' at you, Bob Corker), should best be viewed as a last gasp, a violent, chaotic outburst not unlike a star using up its last fuel as it explodes. In the Republicans' case, it's more like stuffing as much in their pockets on the way out of town.

The violence Trump and these Republicans have cultivated is exposed now, too. The open racism and bullying are frightening, as they should be, but we now have the benefit of seeing them and their most rabid supporters for who they are. A couple of years ago, would you have believed that so many Alabamans would vote for an accused pedophile? Maybe, but now we know.

Just as Republican senators and representatives showed their true colors in voting for that tax bill, so too are millions of Americans showing how full of fear and hatred of other Americans they are. The anonymity of internet message boards and other forms of social media have given way to open racism, open misogyny, open homophobia, and open attacks on accountability.

Trump's attacks on accountability have, in no uncertain terms, actually had the opposite effect. It isn't all down to him (please, do not say it is all down to him), but what we have seen in print and television journalism in the past year is remarkable. An industry that only a couple of years ago seemed so mired in its desperate need for access that it fostered and celebrated a culture of "he said, she said" coverage of everything is now fact checking and asking follow up questions when an interview subject clearly tells a lie.

Now we have villains to fight against, men and women brazenly lying because they've been able to get away with for so long that they forgot they were supposed to pretend to tell the truth. That was the way the game was supposed to be played. With the world seemingly divided between clear winners and clear losers, the ones hating to have to be accountable to the "losers" decided they did have to be anymore. And now we know.

That journalism had become so compromised shouldn't surprise us. It's an industry. If companies don't make money, they can't pay their employees and they cease to exist. Businesses and the politicians in their pockets spent the better part of the past four decades exploiting that weakness with increasing pervasiveness and we all suffered for it.  

It should equally come as no surprise that as journalists began covering sexual harassment in the workplace those same news organizations would start looking at themselves. Men who had relied on their ability to acquire and maintain access when access was everything could no longer count on complicit silence. No more. Their legacy will now be one of their last act, resignation and stories their coworkers will now share with the next generation of intrepid reporters.

The thing to remember above all else is that, as much as we fear the damage Trump and his cronies can and will do, they represent the end of the rightward swing, not the beginning of it. Our culture had been resisting long before his election. It was the election that crystalized it, that catalyzed it for everyone else.

Go back fifteen years and we see professional sports making their first attempts to restore accountability. Steroids and other performance enhancing drugs had made a mockery of record books and paychecks, the latter no doubt the owners' impetus for looking into it. Still, look at one thing, you begin to look at others. Players' behavior off the field began to be looked at.

Videos began to pop up on the brand new social media platforms showing athletes hitting women. The NFL, which had attempted to hide those videos and which had handed out punishments so small as to be encouraging of more violence, was caught and publicly shamed. Public condemnation, and the potential loss of revenue that comes with it, forced them to change their rules and increase their punishments.

As much as we really should praise Fox News' Gretchen Carlson for suing Roger Ailes (for that, and nothing else, mind you), one has to wonder if she would have done so had the exposure and punishment of athletes such as Ray Rice and the rise of social media as a platform for protesting violence against women not come first. 

It can't have been easy for her, working in that newsroom for a company working to reduce accountability to others, but that, ironically, may have been why it was she and not a woman at CBS or NBC or some left-leaning news source who blew the whistle.

Other news organizations that purport to be progressive or at least "not sexist" are not where you're going to see sexism challenged first. The organizations have too much to lose. Much as Democrats rallied around Bill Clinton every time he was accused of sexual misconduct, those in organizations nominally fighting for greater accountability might well have faced more resistance to exposing wrongdoing. Better not to give the right wing ammunition, right?

However, thanks to the courage of Carlson and others, accountability in the workplace is now on the table. Democrats certainly have taken it to heart, fostering a culture of zero tolerance for sexual harassment heading into the 2018 elections. The congressional Democrats sacrificed in the initial purge were in safe election seats, but that isn't really the point. Al Franken and John Conyers have been outspoken leaders in Congress, men who called out Republicans for lying and far worse abuses. Any other year, that would have been valued far more. Not now.

It is no small statement, and Trump can take credit for this if he wishes, that Trump's victory only weeks after a video (finally) surfaced of him bragging about sexual assault was a catalyst for all of this. The anger at seeing a man brag about that and face no penalty for it cannot be underestimated. That exposés on powerful men such as Harvey Weinstein came on the heels of Roger Ailes' downfall is no surprise, but they all took on a greater sense of purpose and urgency once a man such as Donald Trump took the oath of office.

It remains a question whether or not ending the imbalance of power between men and women in regard to sexual harassment and assault will lead to ending the imbalance of power in regard to issues of race or unpaid work, but as with other issues of accountability, focusing on one does draw attention to others.

Will the right wing burn up and fade like light from a dying star? No. We'll always have them lurking somewhere as long as there's money to be made by not being accountable to others. By that same token, though, we will always have a left wing, fighting for greater accountability, defending others in order to defend themselves.

However much pain we have suffered this year, however much suffering we have witnessed and will witness in the years to come, I believe 2017 will come to be remembered as a year in which seeds planted years ago finally took root. What grows will not be an imbalance of power but the means to end it. One day.

- Daniel Ward

[nebris]

By Don Hazen Kali Holloway AlterNet Staff

July 13, 2017, 12:54 PM GMT   

Things are not looking good out there. Manmade climate change has already led to widespread devastation, with more unimaginable horrors on the way. For half a generation, the United States has been immersed in futile wars that have only made the world more unsafe, and recent saber-rattling suggests more conflict is on the horizon. This country has too many guns, too many prisons and too few people holding nearly all the wealth. On top of it all, a hotheaded bully is charged with deciding when to whip out our great big missiles.

This is no time for Pollyannaish optimism. Things will probably get worse before they get better, and the only way to ensure the latter is to come to terms with the former. Gloom and doom isn’t so bad if it serves a purpose. You have to contend with the darkest looming realities in order to have any hope of staving them off.

To that end, we’ve gathered some of the best—or uh, the worst—apocalyptic thinking out there. There’s plenty of bad news on economic, planetary and political fronts, and all of it is represented below. Consider it inspiration for figuring a way out of this mess. Here are 10 visions of the apocalypse—coming soon!

1. The Uninhabitable Earth [5], by David Wallace-Wells

It is, I promise, worse than you think. If your anxiety about global warming is dominated by fears of sea-level rise, you are barely scratching the surface of what terrors are possible, even within the lifetime of a teenager today...Rising oceans are bad, in fact very bad; but fleeing the coastline will not be enough. Indeed, absent a significant adjustment to how billions of humans conduct their lives, parts of the Earth will likely become close to uninhabitable, and other parts horrifically inhospitable, as soon as the end of this century.

The present tense of climate change — the destruction we’ve already baked into our future — is horrifying enough. Most people talk as if Miami and Bangladesh still have a chance of surviving; most of the scientists I spoke with assume we’ll lose them within the century, even if we stop burning fossil fuel in the next decade. Two degrees of warming used to be considered the threshold of catastrophe: tens of millions of climate refugees unleashed upon an unprepared world. Now two degrees is our goal, per the Paris climate accords, and experts give us only slim odds of hitting it. The U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change issues serial reports, often called the “gold standard” of climate research; the most recent one projects us to hit four degrees of warming by the beginning of the next century, should we stay the present course. But that’s just a median projection. The upper end of the probability curve runs as high as eight degrees — and the authors still haven’t figured out how to deal with that permafrost melt. The IPCC reports also don’t fully account for the albedo effect (less ice means less reflected and more absorbed sunlight, hence more warming); more cloud cover (which traps heat); or the dieback of forests and other flora (which extract carbon from the atmosphere). Each of these promises to accelerate warming, and the geological record shows that temperature can shift as much as ten degrees or more in a single decade. The last time the planet was even four degrees warmer, Peter Brannen points out in The Ends of the World, his new history of the planet’s major extinction events, the oceans were hundreds of feet higher.

2. How Trump could literally tweet his way into nuclear war with North Korea [6], by Laura Rosenberger

If our allies, partners and adversaries all attach meaning to Trump's words that are in no way what he intended, the problem isn't just one of mere confusion. Deterring North Korea from taking dangerous actions and reassuring our allies of the credibility of our defense are both critical. But both deterrence and reassurance are based on credibility and capability—and credibility requires clear signaling of intentions.

Trump's vague, blustery words, unattached to any strategy and without any plan to back up whatever he did mean, will undermine both our deterrence and our reassurance, which we have spent decades building. This could lead to miscalculation by North Korea or our allies. Such miscalculation could lead to war: Trump could literally tweet us into a nuclear war.

We know that Kim Jong-un is thin-skinned and will probably take Trump's comment about "this guy" as a personal insult. Or Kim may be confused—after all, just a few months ago, Trump said he would be "honored" to meet with Kim under the right circumstances. To be clear, I don't care at all about Kim's feelings. But I do care about whether an offhand, hotheaded remark could provoke Kim to take actions that would have real consequences. Picking a Twitter fight with a nuclear-armed dictator is not wise—this is not reality TV anymore.

3. We Have a Year to Defend American Democracy, Perhaps Less [7], by Matthias Kolb

The temptation in a new situation is to imagine that nothing has changed. That is a choice that has political consequences: self-delusion leads to half-conscious anticipatory obedience and then to regime change...Most Americans are exceptionalists, we think we live outside of history. Americans tend to think: “We have freedom because we love freedom, we love freedom because we are free.” It is a bit circular and doesn’t acknowledge the historical structures that can favor or weaken democratic republics. We don’t realize how similar our predicaments are to those of other people...

I wanted to remind my fellow Americans that intelligent people, not so different from ourselves, have experienced the collapse of a republic before. It is one example among many. Republics, like other forms of government, exist in history and can rise and fall...A quarter century ago, after the collapse of communism, we declared that history was over—and in an amazing way we forgot everything we once knew about communism, fascism and National Socialism...

The constitution is worth saving, the rule of law is worth saving, democracy is worth saving, but these things can and will be lost if everyone waits around for someone else. If we want encouragement out of the Oval Office, we will not get it. We are not getting encouragement thus far from Republicans. They have good reasons to defend the republic but thus far they are not doing so, with a few exceptions...I think things have tightened up very fast, we have at most a year to defend the Republic, perhaps less.

4. Noam Chomsky on the prospects for nuclear war under Trump [8]

George Yancy: Returning to Trump, I take it that you view him as fundamentally unpredictable. I certainly do. Should we fear a nuclear exchange of any sort in our contemporary moment?

Noam Chomsky: I do, and I’m hardly the only person to have such fears. Perhaps the most prominent figure to express such concerns is William Perry, one of the leading contemporary nuclear strategists, with many years of experience at the highest level of war planning. He is reserved and cautious, not given to overstatement. He has come out of semiretirement to declare forcefully and repeatedly that he is terrified both at the extreme and mounting threats and by the failure to be concerned about them. In his words, “Today, the danger of some sort of a nuclear catastrophe is greater than it was during the Cold War, and most people are blissfully unaware of this danger.”

In 1947, Bulletin of the Atomic Scientists established its famous Doomsday Clock, estimating how far we are from midnight: termination. In 1947, the analysts set the clock at seven minutes to midnight. In 1953, they moved the hand to two minutes to midnight after the U.S. and U.S.S.R. exploded hydrogen bombs. Since then it has oscillated, never again reaching this danger point. In January, shortly after Trump’s inauguration, the hand was moved to two and a half minutes to midnight, the closest to terminal disaster since 1953. By this time analysts were considering not only the rising threat of nuclear war but also the firm dedication of the Republican organization to accelerate the race to environmental catastrophe.

Perry is right to be terrified. And so should we all be, not least because of the person with his finger on the button and his surreal associates.

5. Is America Past the Point of No Return [9]? by Thom Hartmann

Has corporate/billionaire control of our republic reached such a point that it’s no longer reversible? Have we passed the tipping point where democracy dies? While Republicans are doing the will of their oligarch owners, replacing real scientists with industry lobbyists and shills everywhere from the White House to congressional science committees to the EPA, the media stubbornly refuses to report in depth on it, preferring instead to following the Worldwide Wrestling moves of our tweeter-in-chief.  

While climate change is ravaging the world, the administration of billionaire oligarch Donald Trump has pulled the U.S. out of the Paris climate change agreement and is rolling back climate-protecting rules on behalf other oligarchs in the oil, coal and gas business so they can continue to use our atmosphere as a sewer.

From trying to destroy the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau (which has returned to consumers billions of dollars in ill-gotten gains from our country’s banksters), to gutting environmental laws, to preventing students from even declaring bankruptcy when their efforts to join the middle class by going to college don’t work out, the oligarchs who now largely run America are solidifying their power and their wealth. This is rule by the rich. It’s here. It’s now.

6. The Age of Anger [10], by Chris Hedges

Neoliberalism, in the name of this absurd utopia, stripped away government regulations and laws that once protected the citizen from the worst excesses of predatory capitalism. It created free trade agreements that allowed trillions of corporate dollars to be transferred to offshore accounts to avoid taxation and jobs to flee to sweatshops in China and the global south where workers live in conditions that replicate slavery. Social service programs and public services were slashed or privatized. Mass culture, including schools and the press, indoctrinated an increasingly desperate population to take part in the global reality show of capitalism, a “war of all against all.”

What we were never told was that the game was fixed. We were always condemned to lose. Our cities were deindustrialized and fell into decay. Wages declined. Our working class became impoverished. Endless war became, cynically, a lucrative business. And the world’s wealth was seized by a tiny group of global oligarchs. Kleptocracies, such as the one now installed in Washington, brazenly stole from the people. Democratic idealism became a joke. We are now knit together, as Mishra writes, only “by commerce and technology,” forces that Hannah Arendt called “negative solidarity.”

7. Doomsday Prep for the Super Rich [11], by Evan Osnos

Last spring, as the Presidential campaign exposed increasingly toxic divisions in America, Antonio García Martínez, a forty-year-old former Facebook product manager living in San Francisco, bought five wooded acres on an island in the Pacific Northwest and brought in generators, solar panels, and thousands of rounds of ammunition. “When society loses a healthy founding myth, it descends into chaos,” he told me. The author of “Chaos Monkeys,” an acerbic Silicon Valley memoir, García Martínez wanted a refuge that would be far from cities but not entirely isolated. “All these dudes think that one guy alone could somehow withstand the roving mob,” he said. “No, you’re going to need to form a local militia. You just need so many things to actually ride out the apocalypse.” Once he started telling peers in the Bay Area about his “little island project,” they came “out of the woodwork” to describe their own preparations, he said. “I think people who are particularly attuned to the levers by which society actually works understand that we are skating on really thin cultural ice right now.”

In private Facebook groups, wealthy survivalists swap tips on gas masks, bunkers, and locations safe from the effects of climate change. One member, the head of an investment firm, told me, “I keep a helicopter gassed up all the time, and I have an underground bunker with an air-filtration system.” He said that his preparations probably put him at the “extreme” end among his peers. But he added, “A lot of my friends do the guns and the motorcycles and the gold coins. That’s not too rare anymore.”

8. How the Student Loan Industry Is Helping Trump Destroy American Democracy [12], by Binta Baxter

[T]he untold story of student loan debt in the United States is that it is being used as a form of economic terrorism designed not only to redistribute wealth from everyday Americans to the elite, but to undermine and degrade American democracy as a whole.

Up until her confirmation as Secretary of Education, Betsy DeVos had financial ties to a large student loan servicer in contract negotiations with the Department of Education. PRWatch reported in January that one of the firms DeVos divested from, LMF WF Portfolio, helped finance a $147 million loan to a student debt collection agency called Performant, which had more than 346 complaints brought against it with the Better Business Bureau. The student loan industry is said to be worth $1.3 trillion in total debt owed according to Forbes.

9. Stephen Hawking Warns Trump Withdrawal From Climate Deal Could Turn Earth's Temperature to 250 Degrees and Bring Sulphuric Acid Rain [13], by Reynard Loki

"We are close to the tipping point where global warming becomes irreversible," said Hawking, who is a recipient of the Presidential Medal of Freedom, the highest civilian award in the United States. "Trump’s action could push the Earth over the brink, to become like Venus, with a temperature of 250 degrees and raining sulphuric acid."

Trump's decision to abandon the landmark agreement, which was signed by nearly 200 nations to limit the global average temperature increase to 1.5°C above pre-industrial levels, puts the accord in jeopardy, as the U.S. is the world's second biggest emitter of greenhouse gases, after China.

10. A Language Older Than Words [14], by Derrick Jensen

It’s unavoidable: so long as we value money more highly than living beings and more highly than relationships, we will continue to see living beings as resources, and convert them to cash; objectifying, killing, extirpating. This is true whether we’re talking about fish, fur-bearing mammals, Indians, day-laborers, and so on. If monetary value is attached to something it will be exploited until it’s gone.

Also by Derrick Jensen, The Culture of Make Believe [15]

Let's be honest. The activities of our economic and social system are killing the planet. Even if we confine ourselves merely to humans, these activities are causing an unprecedented privation, as hundreds of millions of people-and today more than yesterday, with probably more tomorrow-go their entire lives with never enough to eat. Yet curiously, none of this seems to stir us to significant action. And when someone does too stridently point out these obvious injustices, the response by the mass of the people seems so often to be...a figurative if not physical blow to the gut, leading inevitably to a destruction of our common future. Witness the enthusiasm with which those native nations that resisted their conquest by our culture have been subdued, and the eagerness with which this same end is today brought to those-native or not-who continue to resist too strongly. How does this come to happen, in both personal and social ways?

Don Hazen is the executive editor of AlterNet.

Kali Holloway is a senior writer and the associate editor of media and culture at AlterNet.

http://www.alternet.org/news-amp-politics/aaahhhhhpocalypse-now-10-dark-visions-headed-your-way